Pattaya One Newspaper Issue 19

One Pattaya

Fun Town’s most vibrant

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1 - 15 July 2011 Issue 19 www.pattayaone.net

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P.M. PreSSeS The fleSh in PaTTaya PREACHES TO THE CONVERTED By staff Writers will probably be his last visit to the Pattaya area before the poll takes place.

The 3 July poll will be his first genuine test as the nation’s parliamentary leader. Abhisit Vejjajiva came to power in December 2008 after a large number of parliamentarians defected from the ruling coalition then led by Somchai Wongsawan, the brother-in-law of fugitive former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra.

The two and a half year coalition led by the Democrat Party has continued the tensions created in the aftermath of the September 2006 military coup which ousted Thaksin Shinawatra.

ConTInUeS on page 2

>

Prime Minister abhisit Vejjajiva made a flying visit into Pattaya on Wednesday night 22 June to address a rally of the Democrat Party faithful and ask local constituents to vote for his return to government at the 3 July national election.

The rally commenced in the late afternoon with local members and party hacks engaging in rousing speeches and offering the usual bright future ahead as long as the electorate stays the course with the incumbents.

The speakers were led by Khun Jackgrit, who appears to have taken no permanent harm from a dog bite he sustained a couple of weeks ago while out on the hustings.

The prime minister was warmly welcomed by the crowd in what

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Prime Minister presses the flesh From page one The electorate has appeared increasingly polarized in the almost five years since then. Although the military coup was itself bloodless, the ensuing years have unfortunately proven to be anything but, with the protests and riots of early 2010 and the subsequent crackdown resulting in dozens of deaths.

Elephant in the room For many, the 3 July poll is a simple contest between the socalled ruling elites, based in Bangkok, and the rural poor and emerging classes. Increasingly, and not really surprisingly, the electoral campaign has devolved to a choice between the ruling Democrats, with the implication that the military will not intervene to once more establish a new status quo, and the Peua Thai

party, now led opportunistically

by Thaksin’s younger sister, who bears the almost stage-like name of Yingluck.

Naturally, since Yingluck has absolutely zero political experience she is being viewed as the proxy of her convicted brother. Thaksin remains the elephant in the room of Thai politics.

Were the former prime minister not a factor in this election, it is possible the electorate at large might be able to come to some sensible decisions come polling day. It would also have been likely that no matter which party won a majority, they would be allowed to form the next government as long as a coalition could be put together. As it stands, unless one of the main contenders wins by a significant margin, Thai politics looks set to continue wading through the quagmire which has engulfed it for the past few years.

Anti-Democrat Party dog bites candidate About three weeks out from the general election, Khun Jackgrit, a 34-year-old candidate for the Democrat Party in District Six, was bitten on the right calf by a rogue female dog while out canvassing for votes in a gated village in Nong Palai district one evening.

The injured political hopeful was

taken to hospital where he was given an injection to prevent the onset of rabies, which could have turned him into a rabid member of the parliamentary system. It was probably fortunate for Khun Jackgrit that the dog doesn’t get to vote. It’s not certain whether the dog objected to the candidate or his policies.

Democrat candiate Khun Jackgrit being treated after being bitten by a politicised canine

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

Fake government officials and illegal immigrants arrested Pattaya’s Tourist Police arrested illegal immigrants, their agent and two other men, who were accused of impersonating government officials, after a late night operation.

Police Lieutenant Colonel Arun, the Inspector-in-Charge of Pattaya’s Tourist Police, and his officers arrested a group of nine Cambodian and two Burmese laborers in Soi Khao Noi, in the east of Pattaya.

They also detained their agent, a 36-year-old Thai national.

The entire group were taken to the Tourist Police station for processing, but soon after they arrived a man appeared, later named as Khun Worapan aged 41, who claimed he was a government official and he wanted all the men to be released. He produced an ID card which showed he was part of an organization called the Internal Security Operations Command (ISOC).

The Tourist Police were suspicious and decided to search Khun Worapan’s car where they found a loaded revolver which appeared not to be licensed. He was then arrested. As if police were involved in an episode of the Keystone Kops, yet another Thai male arrived at the station, also claimed to be an ISOC official and demanded the release of his alleged colleague.

This man, later named as Khun

A motley crew

I told them to put an ISOC in it Chailin, aged 39, was also detained as he was found to be carrying twoway radios without the appropriate license and had a uniform which could not be identified as genuine.

Further checks were made into the pair with the real ISOC, which is closely associated with the Thai Army. These checks confirmed the two men who had been arrested were carrying fake ISOC ID cards.

Police Colonel Nantawoot, Chief of Pattaya Police received a visit from two senior officers from ISOC, Colonel Amorn, Deputy Chief of Operations for Chonburi and Lieutenant Colonel Sanchai, Deputy Head of the ISOC Legal Department. Both were shown the ID cards seized from the two men and confirmed these cards are only available to full-time officers and are not available to volunteers who are welcome to join ISOC but do not receive ID badges.

The senior officers said fake ISOC badges are often sold for as much as 15,000 Baht. A fake card permitting the use of a firearm by the badge holder can allegedly sell for as much as 100,000 Baht.

Police will now be on the lookout for other fake ISOC volunteers who are believed to be operating in the Pattaya area.

The real question to come out of this operation was what was the significance of the Cambodian and Burmese illegal’s, or, more realistically, how important is the Thai agent?

Pattaya Bay Hazards Recent low tides uncovered a couple of boats which were sunk a year ago in strong storms in Pattaya Bay. Presumably too small to economically salvage, the wrecks now lie in their watery graves, their locations marked by buoys to prevent them becoming a hazard to other boats, and are only visible at particularly low tides.

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Election banners burned; make poor heating source Over 50 election banners were set on fire in an area of wasteland close to Laem Chabang. Police Colonel Somnook, the Chief of Banglamung Police Station rushed to the scene of the conflagration after being informed by a Fire Rescue Unit who had extinguished the flames.

Also present were representatives from the Democrat Party who wanted to see if any of their banners had been destroyed. It appeared only banners belonging to the Chart Pattana Party, who are number 21 on the list of parties contesting the 3 July general election, had been destroyed.

There were no clues at the scene as to who placed the banners at the location and no witnesses came

BBQd banners do not a fireplace make forward. Police intended to spend a few vital minutes investigating the case of arson and make a report for the Election Commission. This report should then be filed away in an appropriate place.

More election banners vandalised

Although the run-up to the general election has proven to be less violent than many expected, party political banners continue to be vandalized around Chonburi Province.

In the Na-Jomtien area some 17 Palangshon Party banners were targeted while other banners positioned close-by were left untouched.

Khun Wirort, a Palangshon Party election candidate, reported the problem at Na-Jomtien police station and asked police to investigate the destruction of the banners.

Police checked to ensure that the damage was man-made rather than being caused by strong winds.

Officers confirmed they had been targeted by someone wielding a

Down for the poll count long stick, which was found nearby. An investigation took place but the long stick proved insufficient evidence to point to anything other than underground water, which was of no help in finding the culprit or culprits.

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Pattaya’s Empty Beaches Hearing that there were plenty of birds parading themselves on Pattaya Beach, our roving reporter took a “tern” for the worse when all he was able to do was snap this photograph of pigeons enjoying a leisurely amble, undisturbed by the flocks of tourists who are usually crowding the beaches in high season.

The sight of depressed beach vendors hawking their wares to lines of empty chairs leads Pattaya One to hope for a quick return to the high season.

New Construction Project on Walking Street

Testing the Waters In mid-June a group of divers and university students from Mahidol led by an organisation called “Dive Tribe” came together to take samples and analysis of the ocean water in the gulf of Pattaya.

Getting out to sea was by a boat generously donated for the day by a local scuba firm called “Scuba With Mike” run by a Thai national, Apidee Julprapa.

In fact Scuba With Mike have also offered to sponsor and work with Dive Tribe on a number of marine projects, believing the conservation of Pattaya’s ocean is the moral duty of all businesses. “We should take more care of our seas and realise it is not a dumping ground but a habitat for marine life and one of the reasons tourists visit Pattaya,” said Khun Apidee.

Van-Dorn Water-sampler

Pattaya One recently thought the demolition of the long-fudged 101 Businesses, built on land the city claims on the beach side of Walking Street, had actually started, with the razing of one of the properties on the sea side of the street (as shown above).

Having the novelty of views into Pattaya Bay from Walking Street, our reporter had a vision of what could be achieved down there if the long-threatened but life-threatening demolitions ever take place.

We were assured that something

will shortly be built to replace the demolished property however, so everyone can sleep soundly, for now.

The entire stretch of businesses along the bay side of Walking Street have been targeted for removal for more than 20 years. A few half-hearted attempts have been made to start the removal, but in the last decade or so it seems as though the plans, which were already in the ‘too-hard’ basket have been moved to the ‘really impossibly tough’ basket.

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1 - 15 July 2011 Issue 19

The group collected samples, using a “Van Dorn” water sampler, from more than 20 different locations, some along the coast and some deep out at sea. This will give them an indication as to the general health of the oceans. The students are particularly searching for fecal coliforms and bacteria counts.

Results from the test will be available late in June (unfortunately after this issue goes to press). The results will be made publicly available in the media.

Dr Wayne Phillips said, “Thailand has hundreds of beaches. By taking water sample measurements from the most popular beaches to start with this will give us an indicator of the pollution Thailand’s oceans are facing.

Many beaches around the world the water quality monitoring revealed bacteria levels exceeding health and safety standards. Poorly-designed and aging sewage treatment systems and contaminated stormwater run off are often to blame for beach water pollution.

Currently the public in Pattaya have no way of knowing if the beaches they are swimming in are safe. With water-quality testing we can advise on their safety and help local authorities work on solutions to provide better healthier beaches and oceans.

Healthier, cleaner oceans protect swimmers and bathers from a broad range of waterborne illnesses.

The group testers The illnesses associated with polluted beach water include conditions such as skin rashes, pinkeye, respiratory infections, meningitis and hepatitis.

The best way to protect beach goers from water contamination is to prevent pollution from reaching the beach. One of the major causes of beach closings in most countries is storm water run off. Traditionally, the focus of storm water management has been to convey the storm water to surface water or sewage treatment as quickly as possible.

Storm water runoff can be reduced by using low-impact development techniques (also known as “green infrastructure”). Lowimpact development techniques retain and filter rainwater where it falls and let it soak back into the ground, rather than dumping it into waterways or sewage treatment systems.

Gwyn Mills, owner of Dive Tribe, stated “People can also help prevent beach and ocean pollution by taking simple steps, such as picking up plastic they see on the beach and maintaining septic systems if they live by the beach. Even a simple cigarette butt can damage our marine life. Please take care of our beaches and oceans and keep them clean”.

Dive Tribe will be setting up a foundation called the Thailand Marine Resource Foundation and would like support and sponsorship from local companies to help with conservation of the marine environment in Pattaya and across Thailand. With a following of over 10,000 members and more than 70 partner stores in South East Asia we hope businesses can see the benefit in supporting a high profile conservation organisation such as this.

(If your company would like to discuss possible sponsorship and see the problems facing our oceans and our solutions in our presentation please get in touch with us at info@thedivetribe.com or call 0870 161 070)

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

Pattaya One 05

Indian tourist Italian assaulted on drugged and robbed; Pattaya Beach a last night in Pattaya to remember

An Indian tourist who was due to return home the same day, was apparently drugged and robbed by a woman he met at a South Pattaya discotheque on his last night out in Pattaya.

Mr Sarath Chandra Karroti, aged 28, and a friend, went to the Mixx Discotheque at the Bali Hai Port in South Pattaya where they met two friendly local women. The pair accompanied the Indian nationals back to the Markland Hotel in North Pattaya, located in Soi 1, off Pattaya Beach Road, arriving just after 5:00am.

The two couples then went to their separate rooms. Mr Karroti nodded his head many times as he admitted consuming many cans of beer and said he recalled nothing else until he woke up just after midday and realized his female companion was not only gone, but she had also relieved him of his money and other valuables.

An ambulance was called to take Mr Karroti to hospital as a precautionary measure. His friends

Beer glorious beer.

But oh what a headache made their way to Pattaya police station to complete a report which revealed items taken include two gold necklaces, 1,500 US Dollars, 15,000 Indian Rupees and 1,000 Baht in cash.

Security cameras at the hotel were found to be broken, and the reception desk did not take a copy of the suspects Thai ID card which is standard practice at most hotels around Pattaya, especially if the CCTV cameras haven’t got any film inside or just don’t work.

Hard Rock celebrates anniversary with beach cleanup

In what at first could have been mistaken for an amateur proctologists parade, a total of 40 schoolchildren and a number of staff from the Hard Rock Hotel and Cafe donned disposable rubber gloves on a mid-week afternoon and sauntered down the Beach Road promenade gathering refuse.

The event was held to celebrate the fortieth anniversary of the opening of the first Hard Rock Café, in London in 1971. The schoolchildren, who came from Bang Saray, are all sponsored in their schooling by the Hard Rock Hotel. The group collected rubbish along the promenade and later went onto the

One Pattaya

We will clean them on the beaches beach to continue gathering refuse.

Their efforts at municipal beautification for the day were much appreciated.

NOW in

An Italian tourist was allegedly assaulted by a Thai woman on Pattaya Beach, a few hours before sparrow fart.

Mr Francesco Donor, aged 39, made his way to the Soi 9 police station to report the incident.

Joining him was the alleged main attacker, a 26-year-old Thai female named Khun Suneesar. She was allegedly part of a group of five who attacked Mr Donor, who sustained a head wound.

Khun Suneesar told police she had indeed assaulted the Italian, striking him about the head with a shoe. She claimed Mr Donor had been verbally offensive towards her, and this led to her assault on him. Naturally, once she commenced her assault she was assisted by others nearby who wanted the opportunity to throw a few punches at a foreigner.

It was later claimed that the woman had offered a young Thai male to Mr Donor for his sexual gratification in return for a monetary reward. The Italian apparently

This is what can happen when you play silly games in the coconut bar decided this was not legal and was attempting to phone the local police and the Child and Women Protection unit to report the matter when he was attacked. Just why he thought it was a good idea to start phoning the local plod at some ridiculous hour in the morning is not known. Why he even thought they would respond with genuine help also beggars belief.

Khun Suneesar was charged with assault and was held pending further enquiries while Mr Donor went to hospital to received treatment for his head wound.

Police Volunteers assault Norwegian The conduct of Pattaya police volunteers is once again in question following allegations of a serious assault on a Norwegian man in South Pattaya.

Real police, as well as rescue services, were called to Soi Bongkot late on a Saturday night following reports of an assault on Mr Kim Husby, aged 20, who had sustained facial injuries following an altercation with a group of five Traffic Police volunteers, some in uniform and others not.

The incident began when Mr Husby was seen having a verbal argument in the street with his Thai girlfriend, known only as Took (as in “I took the money and spent it all”).

The brave volunteers saw the argument taking place and approached the pair. Harsh words were exchanged and the five volunteers were naturally taken aback at some of the phrases the Norwegian used, which might have sounded offensive to such gentle souls.

Since there were five of them, they felt they had the numbers,so they reportedly assaulted Mr Husby with kicks and punches to the head.

Witnesses who were seen film-

ing the assault on mobile phones were reportedly approached by the brave volunteers and told to delete the videos or they, the witnesses, would have a problem.

Mr Husby complained about the alleged assault at Pattaya police station and was told a report had been made and a search for the volunteers would take place.

This is not the first time police volunteers have been involved in attacks such as this one and many claim a lack of training and guidance from full-time officers is to blame. Without decisive action by the police it is likely more serious incidents involving police volunteers will take place in the future.

You would have to wonder whether she really was worth all the hassle

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

Letters to the Editor If you would like to voice your opinion in print, please send us your thoughts and ideas by email to: editor@pattayaone.net Letters may be edited to improve clarity and spelling.

The Price of Entertainment Sir, Recently I was in a popular bar in the Walking Street area, when there was a police raid. We all left without hassle, but the next night the manager told me he had been shaken down for 20,000 baht by the police for the club to stay open.

I then went on Walking Street and saw all the Foreign and Thai Tourist Police Volunteers, doing the job that the police should be doing when they are instead extorting money from bars.

Do you know if the FTPV receive any commission from these raids, for allowing the real police to go out and do this more profitable work? Or do they do it for nothing?

Yours Sincerely, Name and address withheld.

As far as we are aware, the Foreign Tourist Police Assistants (known in some unkind circles as ‘Tackleberries’ after the gung-ho, but bumbling, police character in the 1980’s series of Police Academy films) do what they do for nothing, at least in direct monetary terms.

They apparently pay for their own uniforms, Batman belts, Superman outfits, iron their own crime-fighting capes, blow their own whistles and probably practice with their own handcuffs, in the privacy of their rooms of course.

It has been suggested a few of them might be

attracted to a uniform as they believe the old adage that women love men in uniform.

It must put a wry smile on the face of many a police officer to think he can take the weight off his feet while a bunch of volunteers carry out the more mundane tasks, for free.

Admittedly, the police service in Thailand in general is poorly funded from the coffers of the government treasury. This tends to lead to a poorer standard of service than one might expect and can lead to some people in uniform carrying out entrepreneurial endeavours which might not strictly be what one would expect of the law enforcement division.

We will rake them on the beaches Sir, I think your readers will like to see a copy of a photo I took last week in Pattaya.

It shows a city worker cleaning the beach.

Actually cleaning it.

I always wondered why the council don’t employ people to clean the beaches as labour is so cheap over there. Maybe they have started to do it?

And before you send this pic to a photo lab to check if it has been doctored or photoshopped or not, save your money. I swear I actually saw this before my very eyes.

Perhaps the person you have photographed is not even employed by the local authorities.

It is possible the person is a rogue cleaner, maybe practicing for the Cleaning Olympics and has come to Pattaya to train, knowing full well the task is so great the training will be grueling and the chances of being fit enough to win gold in the Rake and Shovel event will be enhanced.

Then again, maybe this truly amazing sight does indeed reveal a person in the employ of the local council performing a Canute-like task on the beach.

Yours sincerely, Stephen Allen, London.

Inebriated Russian arrested on Pattaya Beach

Just call me sandy A Foreign Tourist Police Assistant (FPTA) was assaulted by an apparently inebriated Russian tourist on Pattaya Beach a few hours after midnight.

The Tourist Police mobile unit, based on Walking Street, had been told about a man who was in the water and shouting loudly.

Being aware that no strange religious cults were engaged in ritual baptisms, police and FPTA’s went down to the beach to investigate and to assist the man, who appeared to be in a drunken state.

As they approached, Mr. Pat Broderick, one of the FPTA’s was reportedly punched. At this point the Thai Tourist Police officers at the scene decided they didn’t want to be punched by a drunk Russian so they instructed the FPTA’s to detain the man. Once this was achieved, the Russian was then taken to Pattaya Police Station.

The Russian tourist, who refused to give officers his name (probably something like Boris Badanov; or maybe he was so drunk even he

C’mon I’ll take you all on!

While you’re down there

couldn’t remember what his name was, let alone how to spell it) was then seen to assault a second man as he was about to be placed in the cells on the second floor of the police station.

The Russian was expected to face two counts of assault as well as public intoxication charges. He was placed behind bars for the rest of the morning while he sobered-up.

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Aging

By Khun Dee

If you can keep your youth when all about you are losing theirs...

In the past, expats living here scoffed at the youth-oriented societies of the west where billions of pounds, euros and dollars are spent each year “to look young... and escape the prejudice and discrimination directed toward older adults,” writes the European Journal of Social Psychology. Such attitudes did not exist in Pattaya. Age was respected and celebrated rather than denigrated. May-December romances were not only accepted they were venerated.

Fast forward to the year 2011.

East meets west. The growing popularity of western cinema combined with the proliferation of television over the last two decades and the abundance of adverts--all of which present idolized images of handsome young men and beautiful, shapely young ladies--has made an indelible mark on the psyches of Thais and farang alike. No longer are local girls content with their natural beauty, with their signs of aging, or with their elderly lovers. And more and more of those would-be lovers are opting to make themselves more attractive to those ladies now expecting more.

Are you old enough to remember the good old days in Pattaya when men were comfortable in their own (wrinkled) skin? No longer.

Even in this paradise-by-the-sea, where gray hair, wrinkles and pot bellies do not automatically eliminate geezers from the ‘sexy man’ genre, anti-aging sales pitches have become increasingly difficult to ignore. Adverts for facial treatments, skin creams, body toning, hormone injections, cosmetic surgery and youth elixirs are coming at us on TV, in newspapers, on billboards, and plastered across spas, clinics and salons the length and breadth of Pattaya. Beyond which, as we each fall victim to the ravages of aging, such messages have a certain appeal to our vanity.

But before enriching purveyors of youth restoration fixes, think back to your own youth when hippies of the day tried to impress you with the message: you are what you eat.

Most were quick to reject that

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

Living Healthy in Pattaya axiom of the sixties, which was intended to motivate consumers away from junk and processed foods in favor of a diet of macrobiotic whole foods. But over the last 40 years, science, medicine and research have demonstrated the underlying truth in that axiom. You can forestall signs of aging and, indeed, recapture a more youthful-looking you without having to resort to those who market promises of youth.

All food--but especially those derived from animals--contains varying levels of compounds called advanced glycation end products (AGEs). These compounds are known to cause inflammation that may open the door to faster aging.

Cooking--especially high-heat methods--increases formation of AGEs. But now new research suggests that marinating foods in an acidic, low-pH liquid--like lemon juice or vinegar--may help slow that formation down significantly. AGEs in beef were cut in half after marinating for an hour. Shorter amounts of time may help, too.

And that’s only one example.

The author of the Anti-Aging Cookbook, Dr Heidi Rengeass, advises, “We have to use the power of our food ingredients to slow down the aging process. Antioxidants, vitamins and nutrients all play a significant role in our health, which also reflects in the severity of our fine lines and wrinkles and our skin elasticity.”

People who add at least two cups of fruits and vegetables a day to their diet can increase their betacarotene intake, which can lead to healthy skin and eyes, as well as reduce the risk of some cancers and heart disease. Cooked tomatoes are a good source of the antioxidant lycopene, which can deter the body from premature aging.

Fruits that are readily available here--such as mangosteen and pomegranates--are promoted as exotic “anti-aging” foods by western marketers and media pundits. So too for nuts, seeds, veggies and a variety of edibles that come from the earth--not those that are processed and vacuum packed.

Here are some suggestions for maintaining youthful energy, appearance and mind... *Stress accelerates aging. Surges of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol cause blood pressure to rise and the heart to beat faster.

The most effective stress reducer is mediation. Repeat a mantra--a word, sound, phrase, or prayer-for as little as 10 minutes a day. A study conducted at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston showed that meditation helped prevent

age-related changes in the brain. *Eat healthy fat. Omega-3 fatty acids (found in salmon, walnuts, and seeds) help stabilize your mood, maintain bone strength, and help prevent visible signs of aging by reducing inflammation in the body, explains Nicholas Perricone, MD, a leading anti-aging expert and author of 7 Secrets to Beauty, Health, and Longevity. “Omega-3s also boost the ability of the body’s enzymes to pull fat out of storage-from your hips, say--and use it as energy,” he says. Two grams of omega-3 a day keep you healthy and your skin radiant. *Move. Get off that bar stool.

Regular exercise helps you lose weight, tone muscles, build healthier bones, boost mood, and think more clearly. Beyond which, walking for just 10 minutes a day lowers your risk of Alzheimer’s by 40 percent. *Love. Remember when you were in love with someone or some activity and you couldn’t wait to jump out of bed in the morning?

The ability to embrace life boosts self-esteem, fuels the immune system, and improves cardiovascular health. Passion in bed can be particularly beneficial. In any event, banish boredom and isolation. Discover a new love in someone new or in the form of a mental or physical pursuit. *Contemplate yoga. Practicing yoga twice a week provides more energy, better posture, greater flexibility, improved mood, and less stress. Through conscious yoga breathing you become aware of the connection between mind and body.

That translates into major antiaging advantages. Yogic breathing has been shown to oxygenate the cells, ridding them of toxins, helping prevent illness, and making skin radiant. *Bite this: Pomegranates have become an international favorite, having been shown to be more beneficial than other fruits. Pome-

granate juice lowers cholesterol and blood pressure, possibly delays the onset of atherosclerosis, and may help reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s disease; researchers believe it may also help prevent some forms of cancer from starting or progressing. Pomegranates can also protect the skin from damage caused by UV rays, according to a study published last March. Another promising anti-aging fruit is the goji berry, native to Tibet. *Go green...as in tea. The health buzz about this brew keeps getting stronger. It not only reduces the risk of cancer, it’s also an effective weight-management agent because it appears to rev up metabolism.

Preliminary research indicates that green tea may even help prevent Alzheimer’s disease. A Japanese study published last year found that drinking at least one cup a day can help keep your brain sharp as you get older. To combat aging, it would be better to drink three cups a day. *Pamper your skin. For optimum benefit, apply Retinol or Retin-A nightly to peel the skin gently, revealing a silkier, rosier, youngerlooking you. It also can reduce fine lines and tighten pores. Even more importantly, use a broad-spectrum sunblock every day to protect against UVA and UVB rays, which age the skin and cause cancer. *Finally, use your head. Strengthen your mind every day by doing crossword puzzles, Sudoku, or any challenging brain games. As an alternative, learn to play a musical instrument or to speak Thai or any second language.

The information provided herein is for the general information of readers and to help with patients’ consultation with their own physicians. It does not constitute a doctor-patient relationship, it is not a substitute for professional medical advice, and it should not be used for diagnosing or treating medical conditions.

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08 Pattaya One

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Kris & Noi’s

Durian

Private

Do you have a question about customs or culture, or perhaps just a general comment on life in Thailand? Email Kris & Noi at: knprivateposts@gmail.com Relative Overload I know it’s a regular joke amongst expats about forever getting visits from Thai relatives, looking for free food and accommodation. Well, our problem is from my side! We have had several visits from relatives and friends. Of course it is nice to see them, but they always expect us to provide accommodation, transport, and guided tours; and we seem to always pay for almost everything!

They seem to think that, because here is cheaper than home, we must be well-off. I don’t want to fall out

with them, but how can I explain politely that we have our own life to lead and also, with the exchange rate hitting me, we can’t afford having to provide for them, and having to go out every day and night?

Fed Up & Hard Up

Sorry, but your kith and kin appear to be a right bunch of spongers, taking advantage of a softy! Next time you receive notice of a visit, tell them how you look forward to seeing them whenever you have the

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time, and recommend some hotels.

If any questions are asked as to why not stay with you, just say that as you don’t have much spare time, it would be uncomfortable and boring for them, whereas in a hotel they would be looked after properly with all amenities at hand, and could come and go as they please without having to wait around for you. If they complain, adopt Plan ‘B’—tell them you don’t have the time, inclination, or cash to provide for a bunch of free-loaders; lacks subtlety, but guaranteed to put a stop to any further visits.

I enjoy eating almost all Thai fruits, but cannot get into durian at all. I can’t understand why the Thais call it the king of fruits. The awful smell puts me off mostly, but also the edible part tastes like a bad cheese, to me at least. I know the Thais love it; I’ve seen durian-flavoured sweets, icecream, biscuits, even condoms (why condoms?), but I never see expats eat any. And is it true about people dying after eating too much and drinking a lot of alcohol—maybe this is why expats don’t like it, as it interferes with our drinking!

Fruitylicious Durian is known as the king of fruits wherever it is grown, not just in Thailand. Even after getting past the smell the fruit has an unusual taste, and most expats consider it to be—like truffles, caviar and Lady Gaga—vastly overhyped. But many do persevere, and acquire a taste for it. The danger of mixing alcohol and durian is rather an urban myth. As for the condoms, the hope is that the attraction of the flavour will encourage a lady to blow her mind, or something like that.

Join the Fun at the khao Phansa Colourful Candle Festival (15-16 July 2011) festival

By Chris Clark Khao Phansa marks the beginning of the Buddhist Lent, when monks are restricted to their temples for a period of three months. This is a period for meditation and study, and traditionally the people presented candles to monks to light their quarters. Candles are still the main feature in celebrations throughout the kingdom, and the Ubon Ratchathani Candle Festival, culminating in its spectacular candle parade, is the most celebrated.

For several days before the procession, local artists create ornate candles and sculptures from beeswax, depicting religious figures and scenes, submitted by temples from Ubon Ratchathani and neighbouring provinces. The results are quite stunning and never fail to amaze the first-time visitor. Sculptors also come from overseas to display their works in exhibitions, and visitors can watch the local artists working on their floats in temple grounds. Some floats fit into the bed of a pickup, but many are huge—several metres in length and height.

On Friday 15th July, Asarnha Bucha Day, the floats are moved to the local park in preparation for the following day’s procession. That evening the floats are illuminated with floodlights, creating a mustsee display of the floats in all their splendour. Seeing them up close enables you to fully appreciate the detail of the intricate work. You also can take photos posing family or friends with the floats. The park, which generally is crowded with mostly family groups enjoying the festive atmosphere, is surrounded by food stalls offering countless varieties of local and Indochine cuisine.

The candle procession begins at 8:00am on the 16th, Khao Phansa Day. Most floats in the parade are embellished with beautiful girls and handsome boys in traditional attire sitting amongst the carvings; some feature musicians.

In addition to floats, parade highlights include drum majorettes, groups of traditional dancers, bands, and many people in a variety of clothing walking or dancing to

the lively music. Dance groups come from local schools, universities and organisations, as well as from other regions of the province, and represent all generations, from the very young to the elderly, still proudly displaying their dancing skills.

Viewing stands are set up outside the park, but these tend to fill quickly. And it is much more fun to mingle with the crowds and soak up the carnival atmosphere. But don’t forget the heat—wear suitable clothing and a hat, and keep water handy, although refreshments are available all along the route.

The Candle Festival is well worth a visit if you fancy a change from the usual expat-orientated areas and enjoy participating in local cultural events, and the Isaan people are friendly. But bear in mind that the festival is highly popular amongst Thais as well as tourists, so accommodation should be arranged before travelling. As well as checking hotels online, take a look at Ubon blogger sites, where you will find comments on small hotels and B & B’s.

for Pattaya

A press conference took place at the Central Festival Center in north Pattaya to announce the upcoming Colours of The East: Food, Fun, Festival, scheduled to take place between Thursday 7 July and Sunday 10 July.

After the usual opening song and dance routine, which featured three ladies in rather garishlycoloured coats that would only be worn by eccentrics in a blizzard, the real meat of the conference took place when all the dignitaries, including Mayor Khun Ittipon, went on stage to answer questions.

Stalls will be set up along the promenade along Beach Road between the 7 and 10 of July with products on show from the four Eastern Seaboard provinces: Chonburi, Rayong, Chantaburi and Trat.

The food part will include all kinds of seafood and other fresh produce; the Fun part is meant to encompass the cultural diversity of the four eastern seaboard provinces.

The real highlight will be a free concert every night for the duration of the festival by supposedly popular Thai bands.

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Pete’s Peregrinations Would you trust these idiots to manage a nuclear facility?

By Peter Lloyd

Scotland The Light I am writing this in Applecross, in Bonny Scotland, on a road trip up the wild, rugged west coast, with a mate of mine.

I have not been back to the UK so late in the summer in nine years, and never this far north, so it is with some amazement that I notice it doesn’t go dark until after midnight and it is light at 4am, given

Eilean Donan Castle, Scotland the short range of nightfall in Pattaya all year round.

It’s great as it gives us more time for late night boozing – sorry, nightcapping – some excellent single malt Scotch, and suffering

the consequences next day.

I have also been surprised to see patches of snow up in the mountains so late in the year. Unless that’s the after-effects of the night before.

look deserted, and I suspect many retailers are praying that the Russians will return for the high season, which I am sure they will.

Tony

Being back in Pattaya Love it or loathe it, after a trip abroad, whenever I come back to Thailand and Pattaya, I feel great to be back. To walk onto my balcony and see the sea, reminds me what a great life I – as well as most of us who are lucky enough to live here – enjoy, compared to the lives we left in our home countries.

Paradoxically, I am increasingly aware that for me, being out of Thailand and Pattaya greatly increases my happiness of actually living here.

One thing I always enjoy on my return is checking up on progress or developments around the town.

Here are some of my observations this time.

Low Season Everyone is lamenting this very low season, which is understandable enough if you think that in Russia, which now accounts for the lion’s share of Pattaya’s mainstream tourist spending by language group, if not nationality, it is high summer, or what passes for it over there, and everyone is shivering on Black Sea “coast” or boozing in their dachas in the countryside, instead of getting burned on Pattaya’s beaches by day and having sex on them by night.

Apart from in the malls, reduced Russian numbers are most noticeable on the beaches, which currently

Contact me at pattayaonepete@gmail.com

I always admire the ubiquitous Tony as Pattaya’s most hardworking entrepreneur. He had the vision to successfully change his Walking Street nightclub into something resembling an Arabian harem a while ago, and he never gives up on making his many ventures around the city work, and, importantly, he isn’t afraid to fail.

So I was interested to see his latest incarnation on the corner of Third Road/South Pattaya Road as a restaurant/beer garden and mini outdoor market. It has been so many things over the years that I have given up counting, but I wish him well, and he can be happy in the thought of the capital gains that land has enjoyed over the years, regardless of what businesses he has tried to run on it.

Thappraya Road I cannot even summon up the energy to fully express my astonishment and disbelief at the continuing state of Thappraya Road.

Seeing the “new” road surface, which was only recently applied with the thickness of margarine on bread, it has to be said - already in need of major repair in some places and replacement in others, beggars belief.

Surely, even with “unanticipated costs’ and the customary budgetary

I took this photo at Dungeness nuclear power plant in Kent, amazed that whoever runs it doesn’t have the English language skills or the intelligence to realize there is a spelling mistake on their signs. It should of course read “”Boundary”, not “Boundry”.

“So what?”, you might say, but it would be good to know in a crisis that the bozos in charge of this sensitive and potentially extremely dangerous nuclear facility would be able to at least read the Emergency Manual correctly when the fuel rods start melting.

Luckily I will be 6,000 miles away in Thailand if the shat huts the fin over in Dungenesz. issues, it is still possible for people to build a decent road.

As one of my fellow columnists recently suggested, to improve accountability, from now on, Pattaya’s construction projects should display a prominent sign, to include a name and contact number, for both the contractor and the official responsible for the management of the particular project at City hall, so people can complaint to them (or praise them if the job is progressing well, of course). It should also show the total budget and the start and finish dates for each new project in the city.

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Pattaya Focus on ....

By street stroller

Dongtanski Beach

that sometimes there are serious risks attached to the upsides of life in Pattaya.

Known locally as “Little Russia”, over the past few years longtime residents have witnessed Dongtan Beach being turned into an almost exclusively Russian enclave, which is some feat considering it was an overwhelmingly gay area up until a couple of years ago. Now Russian tourists are predominant and Russian signs commonplace.

Exclusively Russian-oriented businesses sprouting up everywhere We thought a meander down the pleasant tree-lined pathway that runs from Dongtan Beach to Pratamnak Beach would make for an interesting low season stroll, and our next few articles will be spent on that walk, looking at what it tells us of wider developments in Jomtien and Pattaya.

We decided to start at Dongtan Corner, where we noticed how Russianised it had become, with Russian-only signs, shops, adverts and even publications outside 7:11.

Cheapo English readers don’t have this luxury; they still have to buy their papers inside the shop.

WANTED! A HOME FOR TWO FELINE COMEDIANS

Outside 7:11. Three Russian language freebie papers This Russification of Dongtan is quite understandable , and is a good indication of what is happening (and what will continue to happen) across the whole city, given the vast number of Russians now visiting Jomtien and Pattaya on package tours, which is a trend only likely to increase in the future.

Sobering reminder of the downsides of life in Fun Town As we pressed on we encountered more unsightly, home-made signage, well-meaning as it is, which marked out the start of the beach pathway for us, paradoxically asking people not to litter the beaches with unsightly cigarette butts and litter.

At this point we looked back to see the ugly View Talay 7 block thrusting suggestively out to sea, a reminder of the boom and bust years of largescale development along Jomtien Beach, the like of which we may never see again.

Hopefully.

It’s all Cyrillic to me We were half expecting the newlyspruced up police box to have a Russian translation as well, given how much time is now spent by Russians inside it, either as the victims of crime or as offenders, usually late at night, when all over Pattaya and Jomtien, the Russian Rouble turns into the Russian Rumble.

VT7 thrusting beachward

From fine dining to sidecar kebab munching, Russian influence continues to grow

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Not yet in Russian, but surely that’s just a matter of time, given its rapidly changing client base As we walked onto the beach path we were saddened to see a sign written by an HIV-Positive beggar. No beggar, just the sign, which made it even more poignant.

What had happened to the beggar?

Had he been rushed to hospital, arrested by police or moved on by the uniformed beach mafia. We didn’t know. But it served as a reminder

Contact us at pattayafocus@gmail.com

sl

ge Louen atery bar

haiL and pattaya t

They’re named Eric and Ernie.

For Brits of a certain vintage the names might well evoke memories of that famous comedy duo Morecambe and Wise: Eric Morecambe that is, and Ernie Wise.

Paul and Sandra Finelly have been re-homing unwanted felines for a while now and, as they note, they found Eric and Ernie at a shelter last December, ‘they had terrible mange and were virtually starved to death, but now as you can see they are fighting fit and we would love to find them a home together. They have now both been neutered and are both very friendly cats.’

Paul and Sandra said they managed to re-home 49 cats and kittens last year and 18 so far this year, but still have around 30 left.

Anyone interested in Eric and Ernie, or looking for a cat or kitten, visit Paul and Sandra’s website: http://cats4youinpattaya.webs.com/ or simply call them on 085 2875004.

is a great way to promote your business or your next event.

Perfect for restaurants and bars.

Our Drink and Beverage Coasters can be custom imprinted with your logo or promotional message.

To order yours call: 0854 30 38 36 email: coastercandy@gmail.com

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THE If you’re an American or Brit, you definitely do want fries (chips) with your burger. It’s not hard to find burgers here in Fun Town. After all, we’ve got several McDonald’s, Burger Kings and other fast food emporiums. If you go to one of the fast food chains, you can pretty much depend on consistency.

You know what to expect and you probably won’t be disappointed. A McDonald’s hamburger will taste the same from one visit to the next; and for that matter, one branch to the next. On the other hand, if you’re looking for taste and flavor, you may want to venture a bit farther afield. Actually, I happen to like the burgers offered at Dairy Queen on the fifth floor of Central Festival Pattaya Beach, between Beach Road and Second Road. The patties are cooked just right. Accompanied by an order of fries and a soda (free refills) and you’re all set.

For those who crave a really delicious, high-quality burger, I can strongly recommend Just Burgers, located on Jomtien Beach Road, near Soi 8. Paradoxically, Just Burgers serves more than burgers. It has a full breakfast menu, chicken dishes, salads and Thai food; but, I digress. Just Burgers, owned by an American, is just a small, strictly outdoor affair,

FRUGAL GOURMAND

Just Burgers in Jomtien

SOME OF FUN TOWN’S BEST HAMBURGERS DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

with picnic table seating. Their 1/3 pound ‘basic burger’ is garnished with onion, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and ketchup and is priced at a reasonable 79 baht. I tried the 95-baht cheddar cheese burger.

(You can also order it with Swiss,

American or pepper jack cheese.) I must say that it was very flavorful, tender and grilled to perfection, with a generous dollop of cheddar dripping over the patty. A big basket of fresh-cut fries at 59 baht and a Heineken (85 baht) completed

a very satisfying meal. This place isn’t fancy, but when you’re in the mood for a really good hamburger, it is several cuts above the fast-food variety. You can even phone in your order at 087-745-4161 (250 baht minimum order).

If you want to enjoy your burger in more upscale surroundings, try Shenanigans, located on the second floor of The Avenue Mall on Second Road. They also have a branch in Jomtien Complex. At 250 baht and accompanied by a nice portion of thick cut French Fries (or, they’ll substitute a baked potato if you wish), their burger is well worth the price. It’s a big, thick, juicy, succulent burger and you won’t leave hungry. You can substitute chicken or fish for beef; but why would you do that? If you’re coming for dinner, don’t eat a late lunch beforehand. Shenanigans is open from 8:30 am until late night.

As we go to press, American Independence Day (July 4th) is almost upon us. Lots of places are offering July 4th specials and celebrations. This would be a good time to sample an authentic American classic, the hamburger.

(By the way, since hamburgers are traditionally made from beef, there’s no ham in a hamburger.)

If you have any favorite restaurants you’d like included; or would like your restaurant reviewed, email me at thefrugalgourmandpattayaone@gmail.com

Buying a Business in Pattaya Article courtesy of Sven Neuberg of TBAC Buying a business in Pattaya can be a complex process. TBAC has been in the business of brokerage for over five years now, and have acquired extensive knowledge which enables us to navigate buyers through the potential minefield of purchasing a business.

There is only one reason why you should buy a business: because you want something better than whatever it is that you are doing now.

I have a lot of bars, restaurants and guesthouses on my books.

Many clients who enquire about these types of businesses are often concerned about location. In my

opinion this is a fallacy. Owning a bar or restaurant is all about good management, having good staff, being a good host, and the atmosphere offered within the establishment.

Just because your bar or restaurant is on Walking Street, Beach Road or Second Road, which are classed as high foot traffic areas, does not guarantee you customers and a profitable business. You will also have to pay substantially higher rents in these areas and have far more competition.

Over the years I have sold numerous bars in what would be classified as out of the way areas, yet many have proven track records of profitability. Their success confirms my theory that location is not such an important factor when

buying a bar.

Running a business is all about proper management and marketing your business correctly. It is a big mistake to assume that since a business is already established that it will simply promote itself. Even if the business has a solid and steady customer base, you need to establish a comprehensive advertising and marketing plan.

It is also important when buying a business to immediately get to know and build up a rapport with your existing customers.

Many buyers who buy a business direct, and not through a reputable business broker such as TBAC, can come unstuck due to not doing due diligence, especially when it comes to lease agreements or business ownership.

TBAC has built a solid reputation on giving accurate advice and making all the necessary checks when it comes to doing due diligence. We fully explain lease agreements to buyers, including the potential pitfalls within these leases. When a lease is only in Thai we will give a true and accurate translation of the lease in English.

Surprises kill deals because they destroy credibility and trust. This is where TBAC works with both the seller and the buyer to provide full disclosure on all aspects of any business. We also offer on-going customer service to buyers.

TBAC offers a service with a difference and have always made customer satisfaction its principal aim. If you are looking for an honest, no-nonsense approach to buying a business in Pattaya, contact Sven at TBAC on 087 283 5349.

Remember: Fall in Love with the profit, not the product or service.

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TAlkING WHEEls By edd ellison

email: edd@interfuture-media.com ph: 083 8005800)

Back on track: Honda’s Brio is now in the showrooms After more than two months of unexpected delay due to a severe shortage of parts following the Japanese tsunami, Honda dealers are now taking orders again for the new Brio which is set to be one of the most important cars to be launched here this year.

Customers can expect to start receiving cars with the manual transmission option from the end of July as Honda starts plowing through the order backlog.

Mr. Atsushi Fujimoto, President of Honda Automobile (Thailand), said, “All our dealers nationwide have been informed that our auto parts supply from Japan for the Brio is now resuming to normal.”

He confirmed customers can now view and test-drive the Brio at all Honda showrooms nationwide.

The Brio was launched at the 32nd Bangkok International Motor Show in March. Targeted at Asian markets, it is the second of the Thai “global eco” car projects, following the arrival of Nissan’s March (Micra) which debuted at the same show a year ago and has already racked up 31,000 orders here along with being exported in numbers to Japan, a clear emphasis of the growing importance of the Thai auto industry.

The Brio is aimed at an urban audience of first-time buyers and smaller families.

“The Brio will meet the driving and lifestyle needs of people who are looking for a stylish and compact, yet spacious and fuel-efficient car that carries a brand that they can trust for its advanced and safety technologies,” said Mr. Fujimoto.

The Brio comes with one engine option, built locally, Honda’s E20-compatible 1.2-litre, 4-cyl SOHC I-VTEC engine, with 90 hp and 110 Nm. In the Brio application a frugal 5 litres/100 km is achieved while the engine, which is Euro 5 compliant, is mated to either a 5-speed manual or CVT transmission. Under the skin the car is conventional as Honda pursues low cost manufacturing as the project’s

overriding goal.

The cabin is basic and hard plastics abound on every surface; it has been carefully packaged and full-sized adults can also sit in the rear without any discomfort. The seats are supportive, matching the class average. There is a small luggage space while rear seat folds down to offer decent load area, comfortably fitting a set of golf clubs.

There are two specification levels. The entry-level ‘S’ version comes with a 5-speed gearbox and is basic, but includes front power windows, ‘eco’ meter, climate control, rake-adjustable steering column, high level brake light in a tailgate spoiler and central locking. The radio console is blanked off and it rides on 14-inch steel wheels (without full-width hub caps). The ‘V’ adds the option of CVT to the manual and has a radio, rear electric windows, electric door mirrors and remote control for central locking. Safety equipment on both levels includes driver and passenger front airbags, ABS and an immobilizer. The Brio is priced from 399,999 baht for the “S” level to 508,500 baht for the “V”.

A second production hub in India will also come on stream later this year; that launch has also been delayed by the tsunami. Thailand will also service ASEAN markets.

Choosing Thailand for Brio production is a “major endorsement of the capabilities of our Thai team,” says Mr. Fujimoto. The Thai-built Brio will achieve 90 percent component localization.

THaI

Lite

ENGLISH TEACHERS: SEPARATING THE WHEAT FROM THE CHAFF By s. tsow

A website called EnglishClub.com recently ran an article announcing that foreigners wishing to teach English in Southeast Asia may soon be subjected to draconian screening procedures. According to the article, ASEAN education officials are proposing a whole battery of tests for foreign English teachers, beginning with police background checks and tests for drugs and personal hygiene.

There will also be an IQ test and an English-language literacy test.

An ASEAN official, the provocatively named Ms. Fatima Fasihpusih, explained that these measures are designed to screen out the dregs of Western society, who are unemployable in their home countries and often infiltrate ASEAN countries posing as English teachers. She affirmed that drug and urine tests will be imposed, possibly even stool tests, but denied that delousing would be required. There will, however, be a body-cavity search at the airport of entry.

The article was published on April Fool’s Day. It was a spoof, but I bet it had many a foreign English teacher trembling in his flip-flops till he figured that out.

An accompanying form indicated that the total cost of the testing would exceed US$475, presumably to be borne by the unfortunate foreign teachers. This implied that they might be illiterate, drug-ravaged, lice-ridden, and diseased, with sachets of heroin popping out of their body cavities—but at least they’d be rich.

I used to teach English in Bangkok, and I can tell you that there’s

a schizophrenic attitude toward English teachers in Thailand. On one hand, the Office of the Basic Education Commission (OBEC) recently came out with a plan to hire 300 of us—all native speakers—to teach primary and secondary students for 83,000 baht a month. On the other hand, the spoof suggests that ASEAN, and probably the Thai government, has such contempt for us that they’d like to extort stool samples from us and search our body cavities. Either they’re throwing money at us or they’re trying to stick their hands into our most intimate orifices. It’s enough to give a poor English teacher a nervous breakdown.

The problem is that some English teachers are highly qualified, others are scum, and there’s a wide range in between. The quality guys get 83,000 baht a month. The scum get their body cavities searched.

The good news is that nobody has to undergo delousing.

The IQ test would be redundant, because if we had any brain at all between our ears, we would never have become English teachers. The literacy test would be easy. Just have the teacher open his e-mail account and look into his “sent” box. You can learn everything you need to know about anybody by reading his “sent” mail.

You can especially learn how illiterate he is.

S. Tsow, who objects to having his body cavities searched but could really use a thorough delousing, can be flamed at s.tsow@ymail.com

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A Typical Conversation with my Wife (Part 2) I am chortling my way through an excellent thread on Thai Visa, called “A Typical Conversation with my Wife”, which chronicles linguistic mix-ups and misunderstandings with posters’ better halves.

And what better place to continue the thread than with Moonrakers.

Wife: I have to go out Me: Where Wife: I have to go and see the Royal Me: Eh? Wife: I have to go and see the Royal Me: The Royal? Why would the royals want to meet you?

Wife: For business, the Royal.

Me: WTF? Wife: You know I have to go and see the Royal, for the company registration documents.

Me: Don’t you mean the lawyer?

Wife: Yes, the royal.

Me: OK then.

Rideswings recounted a scary tale of swarms of night bees in Phuket.

So my darling wife and I were strolling back from Phuket’s Patong beach a while back and I was remarking on how lovely Phuket is and how lovely Phi Phi was as well, when she suddenly informed me that Phuket has night bees.

I looked at her and asked her again, “Night Bees?” and she said “yes night bees. Phi Phi not have night bees.”

In my horror, I imagined swarms of flying insects wantonly killing every living thing in sight.

I had been in Phuket before and had never heard of these bees. I had visions of the African locusts that just annihilate everything, so I thought it would be bes tif we stayed inside that night.

A few minutes later I asked her about the bees.

“They come at night?”

aBOVe BaWd IN PATTAYA

By JOHN THOMAS our Internet Forum Snoop

She looked at me blankly.

be better at resolving these problems, and they should use a more logical approach to many of these domestic issues, offered this:

“The bees, do they come only at night?”

Again a blank stare which usually means I need to think about what she said again.

Then it dawned on me... we were talking about how much nicer Phuket is than Phi Phi…It also has a nicer beach than Phi Phi... So the night bees were actually ……..a “nice beach”.

I felt for Poorsucker with his tale of confusion over a carnivorous legless reptile: Mrs PoorSucker: Going market, you want snake?

Mr PoorSucker: Hmmm, snake I’m not in the mood for snake.

Mrs PoorSucker: No stupid, you want snake?

Mr PoorSucker: I think snakes should not be killed.

Mrs PoorSucker: Not Snake, Snake, snake.

Mr PoorSucker: ????..... Oh you mean snack.

Mrs PoorSucker: Yes snake....

With Thai-foreigner driving mishaps, misunderstandings and mayhem very common in Thailand, sharecropper divulged one of his chauffeur-driven capers.

Wife (driving): “Are you going to the post office” Me: “No”.

Wife drives to the post office Me: “Why have you come here”?

Wife: “You said you wanted to go”!

Tonto21 confided that my wife tries to talk too fast in English, and in her haste to convey something, sometimes she will leave out whole sentences, or she will add unusual words.

My favorite was “Mayday, Mayday the dog’s blown up!” - The dog was being sick.

And finally, Matan suggested foreigners ought to

I ask Thais to repeat an English word I don’t understand, then I ask them to try it in Thai, then if that fails, to spell it in English, therefore resolving the misunderstanding and continuing with the conversation. Of course this is nowhere near as romantic as asking them to repeat it over and over again, which has all the productivity of bashing your face against the doorknob when the door won’t open, instead of trying something new.

He gave an excellent example of how his method would work: Her: I have to see a Royal.

Me: Royal. Can you say that again?

Her: Royal.

Me: In thai?

Her: Thanai.

Me: I don’t know that. Can you spell it in English?

Her: L-A-W-Y...

Me: Ohh, lawyer, right. Law-yuh.

Her: Law-yuh. Thanai.

Me: I love your beautiful eyes. Don’t forget all the documents.

As opposed to this: I have to go see a Royal.

What?

Royal.

What?

Royal.

What?

Royal.

What?

Royal.

To hell with you, wench, just get me a bloody six pack on the way back.

All comments or Web Board tipoffs gratefully received at jt@pattayaone.net

Two transsexuals rob Iranian tourist Two transsexuals were arrested by police in the early hours of a weekend morning at the Bali Hai Port on Pattaya Beach, and were accused of stealing cash from the pockets of an Iranian Tourist.

Police were on routine patrol when they were flagged down by Mr Javad Amini, aged 40 and his friend, who had detained the two transsexuals. Police arrested the pair, one aged 21, the other just 16 and took them back to the Soi 9 station for further questioning.

They were accompanied by the alleged victim.

Mr Amini said the pair had approached him from both sides, so that he felt a bit like the meat in a sandwich. As they tried to distract him with talk of private rooms and furry felines, they began rummaging through his pockets and relieved him of 3,620 Baht in cash. Despite the late hour the Iranian knew they had just picked his pockets and so grabbed them and, with help, held onto the duo until police arrived. Both were charged with theft and being poorly dressed.

This is her and him or him and her

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WEDNESDAY QUIZ LEAGUE

Results for 22nd June 2011

MONDAY QUIZ LEAGUE

20 June 2011 email: quizpattaya@hotmail.com 30 May 06 Jun 13 Jun 20 Jun 27 Jun 04 Jul 11 Jul 18 Jul Total Total Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Score Points B/F

22 Jun 29 Jun 06 Jul 13 Jul 20 Jul 27 Jul 03 Aug 10 Aug 17 Aug 24 Aug Total

3 3 3 3 3 3 1 1 1 1 1

Email: quizpattaya@hotmail.com

3 3 3 3 3 3 1 1 1 1 1 100 95 81 64 81 L

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AWAY Offshore Bowling Green The Bunker Palmers Queen Victoria Shagwell Mansion

86 108 67 93 65 W

R1Q3 Q: Name the actor and actress who played Conan and Zula in the 1984 film "Conan The Destroyer". A: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Grace Jones. Palmers appealed for Brigitte Nielsen. IMDb confirms that the stars were Arnie and Jones. Appeal denied.

R1Q8 Q: Which director, with the initials WW, is the most nominated director in Academy Awards history? A: William Wyler. Bowling Green appealed for Billy Wilder. They are in fact two different directors, with Wyler having directed, amongst others, Ben-Hur and Mrs Miniver, and Wilder directing Sunset Boulevard and The Apartment. From Wikipedia: Wyler is the most nominated director in Academy Awards history with 12 nominations. Appeal denied.

R2Q8 Q: Name the lake that is the southernmost, shallowest and smallest by volume of the Great Lakes. A: Lake Erie. Palmers appealed for Michigan. Lake Michigan's co-ordinates are 44°N 87°W, and Erie's are 42.2°N 81.2°W, making it the southernmost. Erie is also by far the shallowest, and has the least volume of the lakes (info from Wikipedia). Appeal denied.

R6Q8 Q: What type of film character roles link the previous 7 answers (which were Gert Fröbe, Max von Sydow, Louis Jordan, Telly Savalas, Sean Bean, Donald Pleasence and Curt Jurgens)? A: Villains.

Palmers appealed for "Bond movies". Palmers' answer doesn't address the question. Appeal denied.

Next week's matches July 6th 2011: Londoner vs. Cheers, Nervous Wreck vs. Offshore, Palmers vs. Bowling Green, Queen Victoria vs. Shagwell, W. Tankie vs. Rising Sun, Bunker bye.

One Pattaya

QUIZ

Just for fun and to test your memory and knowledge.

A good way to see whether Alzheimer’s might be a concern here in God’s waiting room by the sea.

Movies and TV 1. The 1961 movie The World of Suzie Wong starred who as the female lead playing Suzie Wong and who as Robert Lomax, the male lead character? One point for each.

2. I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right out of my Hair was a hit from which 1957 musical?

3. The Forsyte Saga was first broadcast by the BBC in January 1967. Who starred as the lead character Soames Forsyte?

4. Which actress played the role of Elsie Tanner in the British soap opera Coronation Street?

5. Which actor played the role of Robin in the late 1960s TV series Batman and Robin?

1 PALMERS 2 CHEERS 3 OFFSHORE BAR 4 BOWLING GREEN 5 THE LONDONER 6 NOM'S BAR 7 NERVOUS WRECK 8 W. TANKIE 9 RISING SUN

731 702 693 680 670 634 649 574 586

87 76 72 64 68 42 53 28 39

83 81 77 66 64 73 60 69 63

Percentage correct by round this Geog. week.

68.3%

12 10 8 5 4 7 2 6 3

72 72 80 82 76 70 72 80 62

Sport

6 6 10 12 7 3 6 10 2

86 70 70 64 68 84 50 77 50

12 7 7 4 5 10 3 8 3

82 80 74 74 67 66 62 65 62

1054 1005 994 966 945 927 893 865 823

12 10 8 8 6 5 3 4 3

History Movies Science Reading General

All

80.2% 80.2% 62.7% 65.1% 79.4% 57.6% 70.2%

129 109 105 93 90 67 67 56 50

Average Team Total: 70.2

R2Q7: Q: In cricket what is the maximum number of players that can be on the field when the ball is in play? A:15 (11 fielders, 2 batsmen, 2 runners). Offshore felt that only one runner could be on the field. From Wikipedia: It is possible for both batsmen to have runners. Appeal denied.

R3Q6: Q: Of the 7 Wonders of the World, which one was located at Alexandria? (Partial answer 1 point, full answer 2 points). A: Lighthouse of Pharos. Offshore appealed for "Pharos of Alexandria" as a full answer. From Wikipedia: The Lighthouse of Alexandria, also known as the Pharos of Alexandria was a tower built between 280 and 247 BC on the island of Pharos at Alexandria, Egypt. I will accept Offshore's answer - 1 point.

R4Q6: Q: In the 1970s UK TV series "Budgie" what was the main characters name (full name required)? A: Charlie Endell. Charlie Endell was not the main character, it was the eponymous Budgie. From Wikipedia: His name in the series was Ronald 'Budgie' Bird. No team put Ronald, but several had Bird. However, as the full name was required, I cannot allow Bird. No change.

R5Q1: Q: Engineering wise, what type of bridge is Tower Bridge in London? A: Bascule. Nom's appealed for cantilever.

From Wikipedia: Tower Bridge is a combined bascule and suspension bridge in London. Appeal denied, but 2 points to Bowling Green who put suspension.

R5Q7: Q: What is measured using a Hygrometer? A: Humidity. Bowling Green appealed for "moisture content of soil".

From Wikipedia: A Hygrometer is an instrument used for measuring the moisture content in the environmental air, or humidity. Appeal denied.

R7Q3: Q: In which city is the headquarters of Greenpeace? A: Amsterdam. Nom's appealed for Bristol. From Wikipedia: Greenpeace is a non-governmental environmental organization with offices in over 40 countries and with an international coordinating body in Amsterdam, Netherlands. Appeal denied.

R7Q5: Q: What did Tim Berners-Lee create in 1989, and in which country (1 point for each)? A: World Wide Web, Switzerland. Nervous Wreck appealed for the UK. According to Wikipedia, Berners-Lee was working at CERN in Switzerland when he developed the WWW. Appeal denied.

R7Q7: Q: Contrary to popular belief, brides do not walk down the aisle to the altar. What do they walk down? A: The Nave. Bowling Green appealed for apse. From Wikipedia: In [...] church architecture, the term [apse] is applied to a semi-circular or polygonal termination of the main building at the liturgical east end (where the altar is). And: In [...] church architecture, the nave is the central approach to the high altar. Appeal denied.

Next week's matches 4th July 2011: Cheers vs. Londoner, Offshore vs. Bowling Green, Palmers vs. Nom's, Rising Sun vs. W. Tankie, Nervous Wreck.

sudoku answers

1 BOWLING GREEN 2 CHEERS 3 PALMERS 4 NERVOUS WRECK 5 W. TANKIE 6 SHAGWELL MANSION 7 THE LONDONER 8 OFFSHORE 9 THE BUNKER 10 QUEEN VICTORIA 11 RISING SUN

1 - 15 July 2011 Issue 19

Fun Town’s most vibrant

1. Nancy Kwan; William Holden 2. South Pacific 3. Eric Porter 4. Patricia Phoenix 5. Burt Ward

1 - 15 July 2011 Issue 19

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Pattaya One 21

IT OCCURS TO ME

By Khun Pobaan Pounding the flesh is big business in Pattaya. Signs abound in our city advertising Thai massage, oil massage, foot massage, facial massage, body massage and traditional massage. On Second Road there’s a place offering ‘O-ring massage’ which must surely be trading at the specialist end of the market, so to speak. If you’ve had it with humans, you can even have your feet massaged by small fish. There’s so much choice, it’s difficult to walk 50 metres on the pavement without some pretty girl calling out that familiar greeting – the one that, through constant repetition, has become a single word: ‘hullowelcomemassage?’

Likewise, if you go to Jomtien beach one afternoon with the idea of knocking out a few zeds on a comfy deckchair under a shady umbrella, you can forget it. Before you notch up twenty winks you will be roused by a tap tap tap on your shoulder and find yourself gazing up dreamily at a lady in a white cap carrying a box of unguents who is suggesting she give you a relaxing and reasonably priced massage, right there on the sand. ‘I was relaxed before you woke me,’ would be the witty riposte that occurs to you moments after she has passed on to the next recumbent body.

The angel with whom I share my life, Mrs Pobaan, occasionally treats me to a massage. My teerak is unequalled in the enthusiasm with which she pounds the Pobaan flesh and manipulates the Pobaan limbs. She climbs on me and uses her feet and arms to flex my joints and stretch my ligaments. She surprises me with the strength she can summon up to squeeze

Massage received

my muscles and pinch my tendons and she uses all her weight to press on bits of me that, frankly, were previously pretty happy not being pressed on. Despite its positive effects, being massaged by my lovely wife can be a painful experience and I occasionally have to let her know with a high-pitched yelp that, basically, it hurts. But, a bit like going to the dentist, when it’s all over, I’m left with a comforting glow of well-being and a wonderful feeling of achievement for surviving the ordeal.

In modern Pattaya, massage establishments range from the peripatetic lady on the beach with her rack of bottles, to the rows of stuffed reclining chairs in the Tesco’s atrium, to specialist shops of all sizes and up to the immense massage palaces like those at the north end of Second Road. I am always intrigued by the large neon sign sported by one of these huge buildings that offers ‘physical massage’. This leaves me wondering what the non-physical type of service might comprise.

Perhaps a clue is given by a sign I saw recently on a street in Patong Beach, Phuket. Below a board advertising a range of massage services was appended the rather stern caution ‘NO SEX’, which reminded me of the way that restaurants will add ‘No Haddock’ to their menus when they’ve sold out of that particular dish.

I once had what was advertised as a soapy massage while visiting the wicked city of Bangkok. This consisted in part of lying on quite a small airbed with someone called Nong. Working with confidence and efficiency, my masseuse frothed up

a lot of bubbles in a bucket and liberally sloshed the foamy water all over the place, making me, the airbed and Nong herself very slippery, but I discovered that this was all part of the fun. Nong didn’t limit herself to using her hands. All parts of Nong were deployed in the massage which you would definitely describe as physical, not to say athletic. Also, the grilled haddock appeared to be abundantly available. When it’s all over, Nong gathers up all her toys and plastic buckets and, with the airbed under her arm, we return to the reception area. It’s a bit like coming back from a day at the seaside with your big sister.

Europeans were introduced to massage in the 19th century by a Swedish doctor and poet called Per Henrik Ling. In the First World War, patients suffering from shell shock were treated with massage techniques and St Thomas’s Hospital in London had a massage department until the 1930s. Prob-

ably not a good idea to turn up at St T’s these days asking for Nong, though.

Perhaps it’s that Swedish connection that, in some places, gives massage a somewhat seedy reputation, so much so that the offer of a massage is often seen as a euphemism for a bit of commercial boomboom. Here in the Extreme City there is little need for euphemism.

In Pattaya, you can have whatever you want without shame. If you receive your massage on the beach or in the entrance to Tesco’s, you can be confident that it will be administered without the offer of any sort of extras that might cause consternation to passers-by. If, on the other hand, the location is more discreet you may well be offered the full range of dishes from the menu, including the haddock in caper sauce.

This article is an extract from ‘If You Can’t Stand The Fun, Stay Out Of The Go-Go’, a new collection of perspectives on everyday life in Pattaya by William Peskett, alias Khun Pobaan. The book is available from Amazon.com or the Kindle Store.

22 Pattaya One

A Fool in Paradise

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Boys at Play The following is an edited extract from a true story in the book The Fool is Back!

by Neil Hutchison.

Once inside the bar the conversation was Pattaya standard – “What’s your name? Where you come from?

How long you stay Thailand?” Even though he had a lovely lady each side of him, Paul couldn’t help notice the girl sitting quietly at the other end of the long lounge. She had a pretty face and large, firm breasts hidden below her low-cut top.

One of the other girls noticed his eyes checking out the lady.

“She new lady,” she told him.

“Only work bar two day. Never go with farang.”

The girl sitting between himself and Alex rose from her seat and spoke to the new lady who smiled and walked around to take up the vacated seat.

“She not speak English,” the other girl continued. “She have baby.

Two month before. Now work for money take care baby.”

Alex, who was oblivious to the conversation, also noticed the new lady sitting beside him. In fact, he noticed her breasts. He leaned towards Paul.

“Hey mate? What’s her story?”

“She’s only new, mate. Never been with a foreigner before,” replied Paul.

“What? She’s a virgin?” Alex shouted with excitement.

“Well, you could say that.”

Alex’s eyes lit up as Paul knew they would and he could not miss the chance to stitch his mate up.

“She’s a Pattaya virgin,” he confirmed.

“Rubbish! How big a dickhead do you think I am?”

Paul decided not to answer that question truthfully but instead turned to the other girl.

“This lady go with man before?” he asked.

“No. Not go with farang before.

Never.”

“See? I told you.”

“Bloody hell! She’s gorgeous.”

Paul, ever helpful, kept the game going.

“My friend want to go with lady.

You have room?”

“Sure,” she smiled. “Upstair. Pay three hundred baht. He want take new lady?”

“Oh yes!” Alex interjected, half expecting that Paul may try to snatch her for himself.

The lady spoke to the girl and a wide grin came over her face. She then spoke to the rest of the ladies and the room filled with excitement as the new girl rose from her seat.

Alex gulped down the last of his beer before following the girl up the narrow staircase.

Six minutes and twenty-three seconds later, a shell-shocked Alex came staggering down the stairs.

Paul looked up. “Browny, she is either very good or you are pathetic!”

The other ladies were as surprised as Paul, with the mamasan showing the most concern.

“Everything Ok? You Ok?” she asked.

“Yes. Ok. All Ok. No problem,” he told her before ordering another beer and sitting down.

Paul, controlling his laughter, could not wait to hear this story.

“What happened?”

“I couldn’t do it,” replied Alex, his face in his hands.

“Go out and get yourself some Viagra,” suggested Paul.

“I don’t mean that,” Alex took a large mouthful of his fresh beer. “I mean, well, she got undressed and lay on the bed - beautiful, she is and I went to play with her tits.”

“As you would,” Paul interrupted.

“Yeah, well, I just touched her tit and a jet stream of milk shot out and caught me right in the eye!”

Paul burst into laughter.

“I only touched it lightly,” Alex continued, “and got a shower of milk.”

“That explains why her boobs are so firm – they’re full of milk!”

“She’s just had a kid, for god’s sake!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You told me she was a virgin!”

“No. I said she was a Pattaya virgin. There’s a difference.”

“Why didn’t you tell me she just had a kid?”

“You didn’t ask.”

“You set me up!”

“How did I know you were going to get sex and a free milk bath?”

“I couldn’t do it after that. Put me right off. I just apologized, got dressed and came back down here.”

Paul could not resist one last shot at Alex.

“I don’t know why you wanted a virgin in the first place. I thought you’d want someone with experience so at least one of you would know what you were doing.”

1 - 15 July 2011 Issue 19

1 - 15 July 2011 Issue 19 Getting it away really early: Fun Town is generally seen as a night entertainment place, with the best and brightest ‘action’ taking place after the sun goes down. Of course, there are loads of bars which open from the early afternoon to cater to those who are daytime warriors rather than nighttime bandits.

Surely the lolita’s Sierra Tango boozer (Soi LK Metro) must be one of the earliest openers in the city, with doors opening from 10:00am every day. Not sure if they’re catering to the late-night trade, you know, the guys who’ve been out on the turps all night and are still keen to keep batting on, or whether they’re hoping to catch the bedwetters who live by the motto ‘the early worm catches the bird’.

Maybe it’s a clerical error: I have to confess to not knowing whether I like The office go-go or nor. One of three dens on Soi LK Metro operated by the same group (the others being submarine and M*a*S*h), I always expect The Office to be better than it is.

The music is standard car alarm, but then that’s what you’ll hear in most dens anyway. They have draft amber fluid at 60 baht, which is fine. Maybe it’s the fact that of the 25-30 dancers, most are overdressed, which makes The Office seem more like a coyote-style den than a genuine go-go.

The place is usually busy enough, but seems to lack that sense of vibrancy which you can usually find in say Champagne or Club oasis. That said, there was a little excitement on one night when I went in as a dancer collapsed on the stage and was carted out of the joint, presumably to a doctor.

I imagine she’d indulged in a few too many happy pills or alcoholic libations.

When you pay your bill, you will be given a couple of flyers offering a free shot of sambuca or tequila with your first drink in either M*A*S*H or Submarine (excluding the draft amber).

Quiet days ahead: I recently spent a Saturday afternoon wandering about the environs of Soi 6, Fun Town’s premier dine-and-dash boozer area. While there are plenty of bar choices for the perambulator to make, the overall impression was of a place that really is struggling to keep relevant. Most bars managed to have a few customers, although I wonder whether the numbers who wander through the doors are really enough to keep many of the places viable. There’s a lot of mutton dressed as lamb that is well and truly past its sell-by date. Equally, there are plenty of boys dressed as girls, working in obviously ladyboy joints, but also operating inside places you might expect would be 100 percent distaff.

Some of the hands-on damsels I

Pattaya One 23

Fun Town’s most vibrant

N ghtmarch By duncan stearn

spoke with claimed they were finding it a struggle to get more than a couple of customers every few days who were prepared to go upstairs for an organ recital. Now, it seems, the girls are hustling more for drinks, or at least a few baht in tips. The standard fare for those interested in playing a game of Sierra Tango is 300 baht for the bar and 700 baht for the mattress actress.

In keeping with the current visitor demographic in Fun Town, I watched as the odd Middle Eastern-looking camel fancier, a few sub-continental curry-munchers, and a kimchee of Koreans strolled down the gauntlet of Soi 6. I didn’t see any take up what few offers seemed to come their way.

Read him his rights: Amazing how often punters pay the bar fine for an apparently willing wallet emptier only to find the lady doesn’t tick all the erotic boxes in the mattress dancing performance-end of the business. It shouldn’t really come as a great surprise, as the Great Game is essentially predicated on the idea of the bar finer trying to get as much out of the exercise for as little monetary downside as possible. The bar finee, on the other hand, hopes to do as little in the way of physical endeavour while trying to empty as much coin from the walking wallet as she can.

In most cases, the punter puts the experience down to poor initial planning and writes it all off. Yet, sometimes, the punter will return to the bar and, if it is owned or managed by a fellow foreigner, will lodge a complaint. A sensible bar owner or manager will, diplomatically, state the facts: a bar fine is merely an agreement between the employer to allow the employee to leave work early for the evening in the company of a customer. It is not a guarantee the pair will finish up playing hide-the-salami while testing the tensile quality of the mattress bedsprings. Yet some walking wallets think they have complete ownership rights to a damsel once she has agreed to be bar fined, and get very upset if she won’t use her mouth to play a tune on the priapic pan pipes or let her short-term paramour stick a broom handle up her clacker, with or without Vaseline.

Sensible bar owners, when faced with irate customers complaining about the poor mattress dancing abilities of their previous evening’s bedtime companion, are quite right to invoke the Latin phrase caveat

email: duncan@pattayaone.net

emptor (buyer beware). After all, the phrase probably didn’t arise from the ashes of a burnt-out Rome after mad Emperor Nero had finished playing a poor tune on his old fiddle, but more likely when Emperor Claudius had partaken of a few too many fermented grape juices at an orgy on Capri and woke up next morning alongside a Roman version of a ladyboy whose member was bigger than a centurion’s sword.

Does this town need more bars? The short answer, of course, is definitely not. The long answer, though, is a little different. Really, the question is not whether Fun Town needs more places of night entertainment, it’s whether someone opening such a venue stands any chance of making a living out of operating such a place. If the answer is ‘yes’ to the question of making any money out of it, then obviously Pattaya can accommodate more bars. Even a cursory look around will be enough to show there are plenty of people who think

they can turn a few baht running a night entertainment joint.

How many roosters can one girl make crow? A bar owner recently mentioned he had an attractive and persuasive mattress actress who managed to obtain an almost amazing 56 bar fines in one month in his off-the-beatentrack Sierra Tango establishment.

Clearly she was the number one performer in his bar, and, I would think she wouldn’t have been matched by anyone else in Fun Town that month.

So, what does this well-laid young lady think? ‘I can do even better if I go and work at a different boozer closer to the main action’.

So, having achieved an impressive result she leaves the bar and goes to work in a boozer with plenty of passing traffic. I find it difficult to believe she could possibly achieve a better result in a 30-day period than 56 ‘offs’.

Piece of Pith: The price of progress is eternal nostalgia.

s a t i l o L www.lolitapattaya.com

Pattaya

A Gentlemen’s Lounge

• Coyote Dancing Nightly Sat-Thurs • Extensive Music & Video Library • Live Music Friday Nights • Complimentary Pool & Wi-Fi

Ask the staff about our VIP Card!

Soi LK Metro, Pattaya. Tel: 038 720 689 Open 10am-2am

" VOTED PATTAYA'S

# 1 GoGo

2008, 2009 & 2010 " sOI 15 WaLKING street www.babydollspattaya.com

24 Pattaya One

1 - 15 July 2011 Issue 19

Fun Town’s most vibrant

A brief rundown of general elections in Thailand On 3 July 2011 the voters of Thailand will go to the polls in a general election for the 24th time since the relatively peaceful transition from an absolute to a constitutional monarchy in June 1932.

The first general election took place on 15 November 1933. For this and the next five elections, held on 7 November 1937, 12 November 1938, 6 January 1946, 29 January 1948, and 26 February 1952 there were no political parties, each candidate running as an independent.

With non-compulsory voting, turnout wavered between an initial 41.5 percent in 1933, to as little as 29.5 percent for the 1948 election.

The first election to feature political parties took place on 26 February 1957. Seri Manangkasila, a party controlled by strongman Pibul Songgram, only won 86 of the 160 elected seats, despite blatant corruption. The Democrat Party won 30 seats.

A second election took place on 12 December the same year. A new political grouping called the United Land party won 44 seats, the Democrats 39, there were 59 independents. Seri Manangkasila was reduced to a rump of four seats.

A coup in October 1958 meant Thailand did not have another general election until 10 February 1969, under a new constitution.

Prime Minister Thanom Kittikachorn’s United Thai People’s Party (UTPP) won 75 seats to the Democrats 57, with 72 independents in the 219-seat parliament. After the election, 30 independents joined the UTPP. Nearly six years elapsed before another poll, on 26 January 1975, under another new constitution.

The Democrats won 72 of the possible 269 seats. The wonderfully-named Peaceful People’s Party won eight seats while the whimsical sounding Golden Cape Party garnered almost 124,000 votes, but no seats.

Parliament was dissolved early and the 10th general election occurred on 4 April 1976. The campaign was extremely violent. The Democrats won 114 of the 279 seats while Chart Thai snared 56. The Peaceful People’s Party lost all eight of their representatives.

The 22 April 1979 poll was also violent with two candidates and 13 canvassers being murdered in the lead-up. The Social Action Party (SAP) won a majority, with 82 seats

Historical Feature

By Duncan Stearn

Pibul Songgram. Despite blatant corruption his proxy party barely won a majority

out of 301. Independents numbered 63, the Democrats were reduced to 33 seats and Chart Thai 38. A group calling itself Supporting Kriangsak’s Policy Party failed to inspire the electorate and garnered just over 94,000 votes but no parliamentary seats.

SAP won again at the 18 April 1983 election, taking 92 of a possible 324 seats. Chart Thai won 73, Democrats 56, and there were 24 independents.

A 61.4 percent voter turnout for the 27 July 1986 election saw the Democrats win exactly 100 of the 347 seats. Chart Thai won 63. A new party, named simply as Rak Thai, only won 85,000 votes and no seats.

The 24 July 1988 poll had a 63.6 percent turnout for a possible 357 seats. Chart Thai, led by Chatichai Choonhaven, won the majority with 87 from SAP (54) and the Democrats (48). Rak Thai came into its own

with 19 seats but had disappeared by the next poll.

COUP

This took place on 22 March 1992.

The Choonhaven government had been overthrown in a coup in February 1991 by the Orwelliansounding National Peace Keeping Council. Two new parties won the bulk of the 360 seats: Samakkee Dharma with 79 and New Aspiration (NAP) with 72. Chart Thai dropped to 74 and the Democrats 44. The military junta appointed a 270-seat Senate.

After the bloody events of May 1992, another general election was called for 13 September. The Democrats won 79 seats, just ahead of Chart Thai with 77. NAP dropped to 51 seats. Although Phalang Dharma won more than 9 million votes they could only win 47 seats.

On 2 July 1995, Chart Thai with 92 seats defeated the Democrats (86) for the 391-seat parliament.

NAP won 57 seats while Phalang Dharma won only 23 seats.

The 17 November 1996 election for the 393-seat parliament saw NAP win 125 seats to the Democrats 123, even thought the latter polled almost 1.5 million more votes.

Phalang Dharma fell to a single representative.

Under the new 1997 Constitution, 400 members were to be elected in single constituencies and 100 from a national party list on a proportional basis. Voter turnout for the 6 January 2001 poll was a record: 69.9 percent. A new party, Thai Rak Thai (not to be confused with the 1980s Rak Thai), led by Thaksin Shinawatra, won 200 single seats and 48 on the party list to snare a majority 248 seats. The Democrats won 97 and 31 respectively to pick up 128 seats.

Thaksin was easily re-elected on 6 February 2005, Thai Rak Thai winning 374 seats to the Democrats’ 96. This meant Thaksin could govern in his own right, without the need for coalition partners, a first in Thai democratic history.

Yet, just a year later the parliamentary system was in disarray.

Street demonstrations calling for Thaksin to resign led to an early election, held on 2 April 2006.

Voter turnout was 65.2 percent but of the 29.791 million votes cast, more than 3.8 million were invalid.

Another 9.8 million ballots were registered as ‘no’ votes as the elections were boycotted by the opposition.

Although Thai Rak Thai won 460 of the 500 seats, the Constitutional Court ruled the election result was invalid. A new election was due to be held on 15 October. In September, a military coup ousted Thaksin Shinawatra’s government.

After more than a year of military rule, an election was held on 23 December 2007. Due to the introduction of compulsory voting, turnout reached 85.4 percent with 38.981 million voters casting ballots. The Thai Rak Thai party was outlawed. Its replacement was the People Power Party who won 233 out of a possible 480 seats. The Democrats won 165 seats. A coalition of the PPP with five smaller parties managed to form a government in January 2008.

Published and Edited by Singhanart Rullapak for Napasingh 108 Co. Ltd., 353/62 M.9, Nongprue, Banglamung, Chonburi 20150. Printed by Pattaya Printing Solutions, Jomtien, Nongprue, Banglamung.