Pattaya One Issue 13

One Pattaya

Fun Town’s most vibrant

inside this issue:

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1 - 15 April 2011 Issue 13 www.pattayaone.net

% Fool in Paradise % Nightmarch % Pete’s Peregrinations % Thai Lite

City-wide checks on bars and venues continue Election fever feeds a deluded need for impressive statistics

By Staff Writers

In the most recent set of raids, two of Pattaya’s busiest pubs and discos, catering primarily for the local Thai market were raided by Banglamung District licensing officials, along with local police, late on a busy Saturday night.

Differ Pub, located close to Big C in North Pattaya, and Hollywood Discotheque in Soi Petragoon, also in North Pattaya, were raided by over 100 officers and volunteers. The music was stopped, the lights turned on and urine tests of patrons and staff took place.

Amazingly, at the end of the operation, one person was detained and that was only because they were not carrying their Thai ID card, which is an offence, while an unnamed number were arrested after they failed the urine test, which turned a shade of purple indicating recent ingestion of methamphetamine. After the checks were completed, the venues were allowed to re-open.

It’s not sure if the police and volunteers stayed on to enjoy the music; after all, it was a Saturday night.

Gets them out at night

Naturally, all these raids necessarily take place in the dead of night. After all, it would look a bit silly raiding a bunch of beer bars around say Soi 7 or 8 at 3:00pm on a wet afternoon. They might manage to find a few heavily inebriated and poorly dressed foreign tourists whiling away the afternoon with a person who resembles a female and who they had met the night previous. None of this is against the law, yet. The city is yet to enact a dress code policy or hand out pamphlets warning of the dangers of drinking in the afternoon and then going out and picking up a pre-loved

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In recent weeks, indeed over a couple of months, many places of entertainment across the length and breadth of Pattaya have been targeted for random checks for illicit drug use among patrons and staff by local government officials and law enforcement agencies. The reason for this increased interest in finding illegal drug users and dealers is the desire of the central government in Bangkok to reduce crime by 20 percent.

With a nationwide election in the offing a nice set of impressive statistics could be used as a ‘plank’ to show the electorate the firm determination of the government to the issue of law and order.

Many of these checks have taken place in go-go and beer bars frequented primarily by foreign patrons and the results have been mixed, with usually only a handful of patrons or staff testing positive to banned substances and subsequently carted off to face the legal consequences.

To advertise please contact Howard on 087 747 8555 or email: howard@pattayaone.net

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

City-wide checks on bars and entertainment venues continue From page one

Street. Some of the more popular bars and nightclubs checked in the South Pattaya area included the Insomnia and Mixx discos. Star Dice Club in North Pattaya, generally frequented by Thais, was also targeted.

Patrons, both Thai and foreign were asked to leave all these venues while officials concentrated on staff members only. They were all

urine tested and surprisingly only one man, working for a venue on Walking Street, failed the test. He was arrested and later charged with consuming a class 1 drug.

Officials would have been very disappointed with the poor return on time investment of this raid.

They might also have been surprised that only one employee in all the

1 - 15 April 2011 Issue 13 places they checked had used illicit narcotics recently. Of course, it may be that news of the impending raids somehow leaked out or, perhaps, those employed in entertainment venues haven’t got time to snort a line here, ingest a tablet there. Well, at least not until they have finished work.

In the meantime, as the country gears up for what is likely to be a very violent election period, local officials will continue to launch their forces into the breach in the hope of catching as many drug users and dealers as possible and help fill the already packed detention facilities with even more miscreants.

You should see the prices they charge in here companion who’s best days are so far behind her she can recall when Richard Nixon was U.S. president.

Prior to going to press, the most recent raid by officials, police and civil defence volunteers occurred across a wide range of places on a lazy Wednesday night and once more involved 100 or so uniformed persons.

Four specific areas were checked, namely North, Central and South Pattaya and Walking

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

Mother accused of selling her 14 year old daughter to foreigners for sex A mother accused of selling her 14 year old daughter to foreigners for the purposes of engaging in sexual activities was arrested by officers from the Child and Women Protection Unit for Police Region 2.

An undercover operation, using a foreign operative armed with marked bank notes took place in front of the Carrefour Shopping Center in Central Pattaya whereby 2,000 Baht was handed over to Khun Jantidar, aged 29, with the intention of exchanging the money for her 14-year-old daughter.

The pair had recently come to Pattaya from Sisaket province and apparently intended to raise money to build a new family home. Khun Jantidar claimed her daughter was more than willing to become a prostitute to assist in raising money. The girl later revealed she had already slept with three foreign customers.

Khun Jantidar denied forcing her daughter to have sex with foreigners but was nonetheless charged with organizing the illegal

Iranian caught faking it An Iranian man was arrested after being accused of using a stolen credit card belonging to a British national.

Mr Asghar Haji Khan Mirzaci, aged 34, from the Islamic Republic of Iran, was arrested after he returned to a clothing shop at the Central festival Center Pattaya Beach and attempted to exchange a shirt. The credit card he was using was in the name of a Mr Wayne Holmes, a 51-year-old from England, who had reported a theft at his home in Soi Ngern Plub Wan on 6 March.

The thief, or thieves, had entered his apartment and made off with a safe which contained personal documents as well as the equivalent of 150,000 baht in British pounds.

Also inside the safe was his credit card. A notebook computer and video camera were also stolen from the room.

Mama needs to be persuaded liaisons. The teenager was handed over to Child Protection Officials and Khun Jantidar locked up at Pattaya police station pending a court appearance. Chances are the new house in Sisaket is going to take a little longer to build than first thought.

That same day, Mr Holmes cancelled his credit card, but not before it had been used online to perform a Paypal Internet transaction and the purchase of an expensive shirt at a clothing shop in Central Festival Pattaya Beach.

Although Mr Holmes reported the theft to police, nothing happened until Mr Mirzaci, who had purchased clothes at a shop at Central Festival Pattaya Beach with the stolen credit card, returned one evening asking to exchange a shirt.

Police were alerted and arrested Mr. Mirzaci. He vehemently denied allegations of theft and claimed to know nothing about using the stolen credit card. He was also unable to answer the simple question of how he had come into possession of a credit card that did not bear his name and then take the said card and try to use it to exchange previously purchased items.

Mirzaci was taken back to his rented room at Niran Grand Condo in Soi Arunothai, Central Pattaya where documents were seized and taken into evidence, No items stolen from Mr. Holmes were found. Investigations into Mr. Mirzaci are ongoing at this time.

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Three Italians drugged and robbed in North Pattaya Three Italian men who picked-up three women on the street in North Pattaya were later drugged and robbed back at their hotel.

Mr Angelo Guenzi, aged 64, Mr Raolo Stranges, aged 42 and Mr Felice Bertolio, aged 57, met the women on the street, close to the Dolphin Roundabout in North Pattaya. Realising these three females were giving them come-on signs (using phrases such as “we go with you”; “three ladies, three handsome, sexy men” and “where hotel you?”) the Italians invited them back to their rooms at the Loylang Village in Naklua.

Each of the men paired off with one of the females and went to their individual rooms, all on the sixth floor, so they could show their newfound soulmates some horizontal exercises. After completing their exertions the Italians decided they needed to discuss their nocturnal activities and all went to the room of one of their compatriots. Their

newfound companions -now known to them, in the Biblical sense- were offered beers by the three Thai ladies. The next thing they knew it was late morning and the men were all in the same room but the women were nowhere to be seen.

It is thought the women stole items from all three rooms before leaving the hotel. This theory was supported by security camera footage from the sixth floor corridor.

One of the female suspects left her ID card at the hotel, which wasn’t a a very sensible thing to do unless it was a fake, and so police are now hunting for a Khun Sangduan aged 33 and her accomplices. The trio are thought to have stolen two mobile phones, a Seiko Watch, a credit card, 2,300 Euro’s (worth over 80,000 baht) and 12,000 baht.

Police gave each man a warning that taking strangers back to their rooms, especially when valuables are not secured, is not a good idea.

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1 - 15 April 2011 Issue 13

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Pete’s Peregrinations

By Peter Lloyd

a Namibian Ghost Town

Dune 45

Luderitz one morning we got up at 4.30am, in order to drive to, then climb, one of the biggest dunes in Namibia, Dune 45, which was exhausting to do even before the sun was fully up, but the views off the top were absolutely stunning, as the accompanying photos show.

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings We came to Luderitz to visit a nearby ghost town, called Kolmanskop, formerly a diamond boom town, which is located in a still-restricted area, and usually off limits because it still has diamonds in the ground.

We were reminded on the welcoming sign: “diamond theft hurts us all. don’t do it”.

Chance would be a fine thing, I thought.

Luderitz Church I am writing this in Luderitz, another remote, weather-beaten, windswept former German town set in an isolated spot on the craggy Namibian coast. unfortunately well past its heyday, it sits gently dying, largely unloved and well off the beaten track, with very few visitors.

That’s probably because the only way to get here is to drive through featureless, baking hot desert, over hundreds of kilometres of dirt roads. And to be honest, there’s not much to see here, but the town is pleasant enough, with a lot of German architecture and some poignant reminders of its former greatness as a major diamond export and fishing port.

The steep sides, the sun’s shadow on the apex of the dune, and below to the very top left, a tree for scale.

The sands of time

Mum we’ve got some sand in the house The ghost town was fascinating. It has been deserted for 50 years, since the diamonds became un-commercial to mine.

Much of the infrastructure and many of the houses are still there,

and we wandered around taking many photos of this timeless, atmospheric place, where the desert has encroached into peoples’ homes, adding a poignancy to the deserted emptiness of the town.

The view at the top

Yet more dunes, seen from the top.

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I’m not making this up. I recently read that in Malawi one of the country’s foremost legal experts, who also happens to be the Justice Minister, tried to ban farting in public by using the country’s laws on air-pollution.

“Malawians should be able to control their gas other than releasing it in public….We are entitled to introduce order in the country,” Justice Minister Dr George Chaponda argued.

The minister also said the government wants to mould citizens

to be responsible and disciplined other than just urinating in public or farting.

“You can control your farting.

Why not go to the toilet instead of farting in public”.

However, facing embarrassment worthy of his having expelled an inappropriate noxious emission himself, the minister soon backed down when he was ridiculed and challenged by another legal expert who poured scorn on the Minister’s windy outpourings.

Contact me at pattayaonepete@gmail.com

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Letters to the Editor If you would like to voice your opinion in print, please send us your thoughts and ideas by email to: editor@pattayaone.net Letters may be edited to improve clarity and spelling.

Jet ski scammers becoming more violent Sir, My name is John B…, a UK national living in Pattaya.

On 7 March 2011 I stood on Beach Road, obviously witnessing a [jet ski] scam, I was told to f*** off by a young Thai, I said no and five young thugs then attacked me in broad daylight with dozens of people around. They dislocated my jaw amongst other things.

I reported it to the police and

marine police, the police in turn asked me to come to the police station to look at photos even though the people that did it are operating virtually outside the police station.

It stinks.

Regards, John B… by email In some ways we suppose this is

not a surprising development in the on-going jet-ski scam saga. If the people who continue to engage in ripping off tourists and others with their scams, and who apparently continue to have some rogue law enforcement support, can intimidate foreign witnesses and others who might begin to photograph or film the scams going down, then they will find it easier to continue their disgusting activities.

We have made it very clear previously, that it will probably take a tourist or an expat to be either murdered or severely wounded by some jetski thug before any real action is taken. Even then, we wonder if it will just be some cosmetic exercise designed to wait for the ‘heat’ to dissipate before it’s again ‘business as usual’.

We have left out your surname from this letter for your own safety.

‘Just a misunderstanding’ Sir, Thank you for taking the lead in publishing stories about the jet ski scams, and now the other papers have taken this up and the mayor has gotten involved, maybe this problem may soon be fixed.

But last week a friend of mine saw a foreigner man trying to take pictures on his cameras of a scam as it was going on, on the beach. He was on the sidewalk, and not involved in the scam at all, but he was jumped on by five of the scammers or their gang members and badly beaten up,

and his camera damaged.

The police were called, no arrests were made and the police said it was just a misunderstanding.

This letter is to warn people that the scammers are more sensitive to cameras now and people should be extra careful if they are taking photographs of these beach gangsters.

Yours sincerely, JS Pattaya by email

Presumably the incident you recount in your letter is the same one from which we have received a letter written by the victim himself.

Thanks for the added detail. Once again we can only reiterate, the best way to bring a halt to the jetski scammers is to completely boycott their businesses. Once their jetskis begin to lie idle at the water’s edge for days and weeks on end they will eventually be forced to look for other lines of employment: robbing banks or selling yah bah.

Responding to rubbish Single Issue Fanatics. There are also others who believe it should be up to the locals (that is, the Thais) to take the necessary steps to correct the serious littering problem. Of course, this ignores the fact that those you call the voiceless cannot speak out, be they Thai, foreign or just an animal. There is also the very real fear that Pattaya and Jomtien will start seeing the usual uniformed scam artists, so prevalent in Bangkok, who try and collect money from any foreigner they see, claiming the said foreigner had just dropped a cigarette butt or piece of paper. So, once more a good idea KOTO, devolves into a simple moneygrabbing exercise by people too by email self-centred to care about the ‘big There will always be people who picture’. object to those they view as SIF’s: posters, he should maybe look into what happened to the last gentleman that painted over them. If Chris wants to start putting up his own signs, posters, best he puts in a few years of Waster-Sizing first.

Bending at the waist to pick up the waste, 7 days a week and maybe after 4 or 5 years he might be recognized as being part of the solution not the pollution.

We want to thank Chris for showing one of our posters and if anyone has an interest in checking us out. http://solution2pollution. blogspot.com/

One

injure or kill a jet ski or a banana boat rider or sink a boat. We always find caring people to help to remove these dangers be they Thai or Farang, mostly the Thais take time from playing to help.

We also feed and water homeless, unwanted scared dogs and we are willing to take donations of dog food or baht.

The Pollution Solution Group would love to take every sign or poster down, except there are too many unknowing or uncaring people out there Thai and Farang that need a sign every few metres, so maybe they might walk into one, we also make signs in Russian.

Our goal is to have every 100 metres or less, a large beautiful wooden sign in Thai, English and Russian with a picture so all will understand, words to the effect “PLEASE ENJOY OUR BEACHES AND PLEASE DO NOT LITTER. FINE FOR LITTERING UP TO 2,000 BAHT” The picture will show plastic, bottle caps, bottles, cups, cigarette butts, camera batteries, styrofoam, left over food, we will cover it all.

If Christopher Cross as he states is thinking of removing these

Pattaya

Sir, The Pollution Solution Group would like to respond to your last issue of Letters to the Editor, by Christopher Cross.

Chris states that he finds that my single-minded obsession with the state of Pattaya’s beaches, has led me into dangerous territory of being a beach litterer myself.

I would like to share with your many great readers and especially Chris, that I’m not acting alone.

City Hall has been backing me for years, they supply The Pollution Solution Group with everything you see on Trees, Poles, Storm Drains, TukCom, Big C, Hat Nang Ram Beach, Sattahip and many other places.

KOTO changes the older posters from time to time, also removing the short staples from the trees and daily picks up dangers that the voiceless could ingest and become ill or die: children, wildlife; things like toxic cigarette-butts, bottlecaps, camera batteries, plastic, styrofoam and removes broken glass, pointed bar-b-que-sticks, beached sea urchins and from time to time a large dangerous log floating in the ocean that could

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Developers still after new land in Thailand Overseas Property and Investment News reported property developers in Thailand are continuing to acquire land for new residential projects.

The news comes despite recent announcements from the Bank of Thailand that it would be decreasing loan to value ratios (LTVs) for condominiums to 90 per cent and the LTV’s for houses to 95 per cent to cool the property market, according to CB Richard Ellis (CBRE).

The article writer bizarrely saw this as a sign that more people might buy homes, whereas we would think it would suggest the opposite would be more likely, as indeed did the government.

The article also commented, correctly, that over the past year, there has been growing concern about the level of foreign investment heading into Thailand, which has resulted in the national bank raising interest rates, although

CBRE pointed out these significant foreign inflows have been into the Thai bond and stock markets but there has been virtually no significant foreign investment into the Thai property market.

This seems to be well evidenced by what is happening in the Pattaya market.

Liberian dies in rented room in South Pattaya

Mr Shaba Brown, a Liberian national, aged just 44 reportedly collapsed and died at his rented south Pattaya apartment.

Mr Brown was apparently about to take a shower at the room he shared with his 29-year-old Thai girlfriend in Soi Khopai when he began to shake. At first his Thai girlfriend thought he was engaging in some strange pre-ablution ritual but was quickly disabused of this notion when Mr Brown slumped to the floor.

She called for help but by the time anybody arrived Mr Brown had already passed away.

Soon after, Mr. Brown’s 33-yearold Thai wife, arrived on the scene, perhaps to make sure he really had passed away and wasn’t trying to avoid any kind of divorce settlement.

She told people at the scene that she and Mr Brown had recently separated and her estranged husband had taken a rented room as a temporary measure while he decided how to proceed with their relationship. Given that he had already installed another local female it does appear he had at least made one decision.

Police and rescue workers attended the scene and speculated that Mr Brown had suffered a heart attack as there were no bullet holes, stab or syringe marks on the body, or any kind of rope around his neck.

A post mortem examination was organised but police are confident this was a death by natural causes.

The Liberian, of course, didn’t think it was especially natural to be ending his days so soon.

The

BellwetherEnd Thai Characteristics I

By Mike Bell I have written before about racial characteristics: the ability of the English to lose graciously, acquired through years of practice; the gift of communicating with hands, shoulders and eyes as practiced by the French; the knack of sneaking into Britain as demonstrated by the Romanians in particular but copied by many other nations. So what characteristics are the Thais blessed or cursed with? Sometimes during the course of this discussion it may be necessary to subdivide Thais into males and females to consider their respective gifts.

Spatial Awareness is obviously lacking in all Thais. How many times have perfectly sober Thais blundered into you as you walk the walk? They can’t all be pickpockets.

You’ve only to observe them in Malls or supermarkets to notice their ability to completely block an aisle or a lift entrance whilst they concentrate on examining the contents of their noses. See

how they fail to notice six other people waiting in a queue and walk straight to the front. Have you ever tried to exit a lift or a train on the BTS and not been noticed by twelve incoming Thais. How dangerous would this be if it was repeated on the roads?

Of course it is dangerous and it is repeated on the roads. They seemingly do not notice all the vehicles are going in a different direction to theirs as they drive up a one-way street the wrong way. Is it Buddhism or Fatalism that causes them to drive on to a busy road without checking for traffic coming from their right? Which Thai Government official invented the U-turn where a slow moving pick-up turns into the fast lane of oncoming traffic? Do Thai drivers not notice a queue of cars waiting to turn right at lights, driving to the head of the line and blocking off yet another lane of the highway?

This lack of perception is apparent inside a car. Mirrors are noticed only when lipstick needs renewing

or spots need squeezing. Traffic indicators should be an optional extra on a new car. Why should you have to pay for something you are never going to use? Occasionally a signal is activated by accident, usually whilst scooping noodles with chopsticks in the vague direction of the mouth. It can remain blinking for days or even weeks as traffic piles up behind them.

Thai men often seem to be born without the paternity gene. At the first hint of a swollen belly on their loved ones, the men hightail it out of town or to another soi, well maybe next door. I wear a shirt emblazoned with the motto ‘I support single mums’. I like to think I’m helping Thai society overcome this genetic deficiency.

And what of the ladies bless ‘em?

I won’t hear a word against them.

Their ability to multitask is phenomenal. They seem to have more arms than the recently deceased psychic squid that helped Spain win the World Cup. A Thai lady has an arm for talking on the telephone, at

the same time applying make-up, whilst operating an ATM machine simultaneously pleasuring a farang under the table all the time sitting sidesaddle on a motor bike taxi in a very short skirt.

Whilst Thai police are blessed with uncanny eyesight that can spot a white face through a darkened windscreen at 500 metres, why do Thai waitresses fail to notice the only customer in an empty restaurant? And/or why do they stand over you, pen poised to take your order only seconds after handing you the menu. Farangs cannot read a complete menu and act decisively in so short a time.

Finally a word of warning: having dealt with Thai males and females, there are, of course, the in-betweenies. They have genetic (and physical) characteristics of both sexes. Besides being more beautiful than the average Thai lady and being possessed of a bigger bust, it is quite likely that they will also have bigger biceps than you; maybe even a bigger willy.

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

Kris & Noi’s

likely to have better manners, treat them with a little respect, and not be so demanding in bed. [He must be getting around the wrong bars as well as plenty of young guys in Pattaya are as popular as free som dtam and appear to be well catered for by the young girls. Ed]

Private

Spell-Check

Do you have a question about customs or culture, or perhaps just a general comment on life in Thailand? Email Kris & Noi at: knprivateposts@gmail.com Ear Blaster

This is really the noisiest country I have been in and I cannot get used to it! Trucks come round advertising their products at maximum speaker volume, our neighbours, who are good friends, often like to sit outside singing karaoke until the early hours, and of course there are the regular wedding and funeral outdoor amplified sounds. Even the temples use speakers at a volume that Led Zeppelin would approve of!

And when we are out, the shopping malls and supermarkets blast out music and special offers at jet-engine level. But I see relatives curl up and sleep soundly in a room full of people, with TV or music blaring out! I don’t demand that the Thais alter their habits just to suit me, and I love it here and will remain until death, but I would just like to learn how they can shut out the noise?

Silent Night Thais are subjected to noise from cradle to cremation; even the final farewell is accompanied by firecrackers. Be it a wedding, funeral, festival, trade fair, or just a small group gathering at a house, it isn’t

complete unless augmented by eardrum-puncturing sound that carries for several kilometres. So from an early age they learn to sleep anywhere, any time, and shut out all surrounding noise. Earplugs help, but some people find them uncomfortable when worn for any length of time. Just as people who live alongside busy roads learn to blot out traffic noise, you must take your mind off the outside din.

Instead of lying awake cursing the music, concentrate on more pleasant things, such as picturing country scenes or a lake; and there’s always the old remedy of counting sheep in reverse.

Young, Hansum, Frustrated

I’m a young guy, in good shape, and girls back home think I’m handsome, but the young Thai girls don’t seem to be interested in me, preferring to go with the many old derelicts who hang around the bars and gogo’s. If I’m after a girl in a bar she always seems to want to sit with the oldies, and take barfine with them

Due to public and staff holidays the British Consulate in pattaya will be open in april on the following days: Friday 1st april monday 4th april thursday 21st april tuesday 26th april wednesday 27th april thursday 28th april whilst we are closed please visit our website www.ukinthailand.fco.gov.uk for advice about the consular services we can help with. If you require notarial services please contact the Consular section of the British embassy in Bangkok on 02 305 8333. our Bangkok staff will be able to advise you on the best way to submit your documents, based on your circumstances. we apologise for any inconvenience this may cause you.

Pattaya One 07

instead of me. And it isn’t just the ugly girls, who are desperate for any customers, it’s also the stunners who could choose any one. I’m certain that these old men can’t satisfy a girl, but a younger man could give her a really good time for the whole session. I wonder if maybe the girls charge them more, because the old fools are desperate for a short time with a young girl?

Rooney This is a sad story—young, handsome man, unable to get his end away because the old geezers are rogering the good stuff. Younger punters seem to assume that the girls yearn for a machine-like swordsman, whereas they are actually looking for the least wear and tear on their principal asset.

Multi-orgasmic sex may be welcome when she has found true love or a regular high-paying punter, whichever comes first, but when the price is per length of session, not the content, less is best. And no, the wrinklies do not have to pay more.

Many girls do prefer the company of older men, as they are more

I read several expat web sites, and it’s obvious that many of the writers do not have much idea of grammar or spelling. The letters in your column seem to be decently written on the whole, so I would like to know if you edit the originals—or is that a secret?

Also, many web letters contain lots of swear words, whereas you do not have any; again, is this editing, or just that you and Pattaya one have higher class correspondents? I enjoy your column, have read it for some years, so I’m not being critical, only curious! I am only Curious This is just a friendly chat column, so letters do not have to conform exactly to grammatical rules. And if someone uses American spelling that’s fine too. there sometimes has to be some editing in order to make a letter more readable, and spelling mistakes are corrected too. Some expat web sites do actually block swear words, even minor ones; in Private Posts we omit them or replace strong swear words with milder versions, rather than have such things as f****, b****, c****, on the page, which look rather silly and fool no one as to their meaning.

We also edit out other words that readers of such a quality newspaper would find offensive, such as red, Yellow, Jatuporn. [This also applies to the Letters to the Editor page. We try to correct as much as possible without altering the tone and intent of the letter. Ed]

ThaI aRMY ChaNGEs TRaNsGENDER TERMs The Associated Press recently reported on Thailand’s defence ministry’s announcement of new terms to describe transgender men to avoid causing them offence.

This must have caused much smirking and head-shaking in less politically-correct and much-baffled defence ministries around the world.

The ministry usually exempts transgender men from service, because of a “psychological abnormality”.

From now on, “Type 2” will instead refer to men who have undergone breast implants and “Type 3” will describe those who have had a full sex change.

“Type 1” will refer to men “whose appearances are typical of men”.

“Normally only Type 1 are required to draw a conscription ballot,” Thaksin Chiamthong, director of the academic resources division of the Army Reserve Command, said. “But if the number of Type 1 is insufficient, Type 2 will be conscripted as well, despite their female-like breasts.”

Apparently, the Thai armed forces need to conscript 97,280 men aged 21 this year -- up by 9,828 from 2010, which news will probably provoke a rush to cosmetic surgeries by transgenders desperate to get their knockers done before the next conscription date.

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Living Healthy in Pattaya

By Khun Dee If you’re having more and more senior moments, it may be a sign of Alzheimer’s Disease. Then again, it may not.

It’s not a problem if you can’t find your keys; everyone has that experience from time to time. But if you can’t find your way home, you might consider seeking help.

Did you forget the name of that cute gogo dancer you met a week ago? Not to worry. But if you forget your son’s name, it may be time to worry.

Do you sometimes enter a room then forget why you went there? It’s no big deal. But if you enter a room and don’t know where you are, it is a big deal.

The fact of the matter is, there is no easy way to accurately diagnose Alzheimer’s. Nor is there any way to cure it. It’s a fatal brain disease that causes a slow decline in memory, thinking and reasoning skills. How do you get it? The jury is still out on that question. The most important risk factors are old age, high blood pressure, a family history, and cholesterol levels.

That’s the bad news.

The good news is that Alzheimer’s usually progresses very slowly.

Mental deterioration is gradual, often taking place over many years, which gives you an opportunity to learn more about AD, to make the best treatment choices, and to plan for the future.

While there is no cure for Alzheimer’s, there are a variety of measures you can take that might help avoid the dreaded disease in the first place. Most recent is a Columbia University report that good (HDL) cholesterol may help defend against AD. The study determined that older people with the highest levels of good cholesterol (HDL or high-density lipoprotein) are 60 percent less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease than people with the lowest HDL levels.

When Columbia’s Taub Institute started the four-year project, the 1,130 volunteers--all older than 65--had no history of memory loss or thinking problems. They were divided into four groups, or quartiles, based on cholesterol readings.

Those in the highest group had HDL readings of 55 or higher. Those in the lowest quartile had HDL below 38.

“The highest quartile compared to the lowest had a 60 percent lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease over four years,” reported Dr. Christiane Reitz, research director. The team also looked at other cholesterol measures, such as total

Expats’ brain drain Forget Something? cholesterol, LDL and triglycerides.

“We looked at each of those measures independently. It seems to be an isolated effect for HDL,” Reitz said.

An HDL reading of 60 or higher is considered protective against heart disease, according to the American Heart Association.

So to help protect your heart as well as your brain, you might consider raising your HDL level.

To do that, change your diet and exercise more (see Pattaya One Issue 12, Living Healthy in Pattaya).

You might also try taking niacin, a B vitamin that can boost HDL 25 percent. A new class of HDL-raising drugs called CETP inhibitors are showing promise at significantly raising good cholesterol as well.

According to researchers in the Columbia University study, it did not seem to matter if people had high HDL levels naturally or if they took drugs to increase their good cholesterol levels.

In addition to improving your HDL, you can help reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s by keeping your brain active, a number of studies have shown. In one Religious Orders Study, for example, investigators periodically asked more than 700 participants—older nuns, priests, and religious brothers—about time spent listening to radio, reading newspapers, playing puzzle games, going to museums, etc. After following the participants for four years, the investigators found that the risk of developing AD was 47 percent lower, on average, for those who did the activities most often.

Other studies have shown similar results. In addition, a growing body of research suggests that the more formal education a person has, the better his or her memory and learning abilities in later years. It has also been established that lifelong learning helps reduce AD risk, as does having many friends and acquaintances and participating in a variety of social activities. Furthermore, people who are bilingual or multilingual seem to develop AD at a later age than do people who speak only one language.

Other studies have shown that: • taking two baby aspirin a day may help you avoid Alzheimer’s disease; • drinking four or five cups of coffee a day could decrease the risk of AD by about 20 percent; • mental stimulation (learning a

language or musical instrument, playing brain-challenging games) may forestall the onset of Alzheimer’s; • beta-blockers and certain calcium channel blockers help to some extent; • there’s a link between dementia and diets high in total fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol; • people over 65 who exercised three times a week reduced their risk for Alzheimer’s by about 40 percent. Exercise included walking, hiking, aerobics, calisthenics, swimming, water aerobics, weight training and stretching.

• a 40 percent lower risk of Alzheimer’s was seen among those who strictly followed a Mediterranean diet—many fruits, vegetables, and beans; moderate amounts of fish; low-to-moderate amounts of dairy; small amounts of meat and poultry; regular but moderate amounts of wine; and olive oil.

• it might help to control type 2 diabetes, lower your blood pressure, and maintain a healthy weight.

Finally, researchers at Johns Hopkins University found that vitamins C and E may help prevent AD when taken together because each boosts the effects of the other.

It should be stressed that while all such findings are encouraging and suggestive, they are not definitive.

10 Signs of Alzheimer’s One or more of the following behaviors may indicate the onset of Alzheimer’s Disease, suggesting the need to consult a medical professional..

1- Memory loss that disrupts daily 6- New problems with words in life, especially forgetting recently- speaking, writing, participating in learned information. Also: forget- a conversation. Going blank in the ting important dates or events; middle of a sentence or repeating asking for the same information the same words, phrases or stories. over and over; relying on reminder Also, calling things by the wrong notes, electronic devices or other names. people for things you used to handle Not serious: Sometimes having on your own. trouble finding the right word Not serious: Sometimes forget- (doesn’t apply to Thai words). ting names or appointments, but 7- Misplacing things and losing the remembering them later. ability to retrace steps. A person 2- Challenges in planning or solving with AD may put things in unusual problems, trouble following a famil- places. Worse yet, they may accuse iar recipe, keeping track of bills, or others of stealing items they cannot concentrating. find.

Not serious: Making occasional Not serious: Misplacing things errors when adding a check-bin. from time to time, such as a pair of glasses or the remote control.

3-Difficulty completing familiar tasks such as driving to a familiar 8- Decreased judgment and poor location, managing a budget, or decision-making, perhaps when remembering the rules of a favourite dealing with money (being easily game. cheated). Grooming habits may Not serious: Occasionally needing deteriorate. help to use the ATM; consecutive Not serious: Making a bad decision ‘Connect 4’ losses to a bar girl. once in a while; wearing a floral shirt with plaid pants.

4- Confusion with time or place.

People with Alzheimer’s may lose 9- Withdrawal from activities. track of dates, seasons and the Alzheimer’s sufferers may start to passage of time, or they may for- remove themselves from hobbies, get where they are or how they got social activities or sports, and may there. also avoid being social because of Not serious: Being momentarily the changes they have experienced. confused about which gogo bar Not serious: Sometimes feeling you’re in but figuring it out later. weary of work, family and social obligations.

5- Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships. 10- Changes in mood and personalDifficulty reading, judging distance ity. Becoming confused, suspicious, and determining color or contrast. depressed, fearful or anxious. They Looking into a mirror and not may be easily upset, particularly recognizing the person in the re- when they are out of their comfort flected image. zone.

Not serious: Vision changes Not serious: Developing specific related to cataracts and other effects ways of doing things and becoming of aging. irritable when a routine is disrupted.

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Strange Sights in Thailand (Part 2) In the last edition I ran out of space covering the excellent Thai Visa thread called: “What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen here? (I mean here in Thailand)”, which still has some nuggets left in it.

A piece of bizarre dialogue was contained in the following by Samuinige who said on his first visit to Thailand: I was staying in Khaosan Rd, and had just left Gulliver’s after a night out, when this English lad came flying down the stairs of a guesthouse across the street. He ran across the road, stopped right in front of us and turned around as a young Thai lad came flying down the same stairs with a pool cue in his hand.

The English lad protested “come on mate I’ve just had my ear bitten off”. Sure enough his ear was gone, but the Thai guy wasn’t finished and started chasing him up the road…..

Turning to an unpleasant occurrence that can sometimes happen in Pattaya, longstebe said the strangest thing he had seen was: guys massaging you whilst taking a piss in club Xzyte in Pattaya.

Although it’s not clear, I presume the person being massaged is urinating and not the person doing the massaging, otherwise that would add an even odder dimension to that bizarre scene.

Youngxpat continued on the same theme with the following: a couple of years ago in a club in Chiang Mai (too ashamed to say which one) one of the massage guys was TRYING to massage some Scandinavian guy who was taking a pee. The Scandinavian turned round and punched him!....I must confess to never being comfortable with my piece in hand and some guy trying to massage me!

Amen to that. When John Thomas has his John Thomas in hand in the toilets in Pattaya bars, he certainly doesn’t want some bloke sneaking up behind him to give him a loving neck massage. What next – the Gents’ happy ending?

Fortunately, jr changed the subject by posting: I was on bus 38 and a dog came in, sat under the seat by the door, stayed on for about 2-3 stops and then got off the bus like he knew where he was going. The fare collector said it was not the first time the dog had done this.

Fun Town’s most vibrant

ABOVE BAWD

IN PATTAYA

By JOHN THOMAS our Internet Forum Snoop

Pandering to the strange Road users would generally agree with this ironic observation from T_Dog of his strangest sight: I was following a truck with a second trailer and he wasn’t speeding, he stayed in his lane, and he signalled all his turns. Some of the best driving I’ve seen! Quite an odd sight in Thailand.

Farma then doggedly told the following story: Many years ago while trekking to a hilltribe village we paused for a rest at a small village. While being offered water from an old engine oil container and some dried porcupine to eat, 3 men came walking past. One had a dog on a leash, another a dog in a sack with the last carrying dog meat in a plastic bag.

They were off to a wedding.

Reminding us that Bangkok taxi drivers are almost always nuts, afx told this interesting double-header: Strangest thing I’ve seen was in the back of a meter taxi in Bangkok.

In slow moving traffic the driver reached down to the door pocket and pulled out an L shaped tyre iron. He raised it above his head, and I thought he was going to turn round and start swinging it at me.

Instead reached down the back of his shirt, using the sharp end meant for taking the tyre off, and began to scratch his back with it.

Also on the same journey I told him to stop at the next garage so I could use the toilet and he says “mai dai” and handed me an empty mineral water bottle!

Andyww had a couple of observations to make: Strangest business name; “Poo Story Restaurant and

Bar” (Jomtien). Strangest government department: “Department of Public Danger” (sign in Pranburi) Strangest object: a contraption on wheels which looks like something out of Wallace and Gromit which chugs and emits smoke through a large chimney which a vendor sells something from in our soi. I have never dared get close enough to find out what he sells.

I think the Department of Public Danger might be interested…

Pacificperson reported on a bizarre snorkeling encounter from his first ever trip to Thailand: When I was in Phuket, I decided to do some snorkeling off of the beach. I was maybe 50 to 100 meters out when I caught something moving out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look and it was a baby elephant using its trunk as a snorkel and out for its afternoon swim.

IMA_FARANG came out with a great (I suspect apocryphal) story which will strike a chord with anyone who has been bothered by loud, rubbish-speaking blokes on the Bangkok – Pattaya bus pathetically trying to chat up Thai women: On a bus to Pattaya I saw two Spanish men trying to talk to two Thai bar girls.

The girls spoke no Spanish, and the Spanish men had very little English. On the bus next to them was a German couple. It transpired that the German man spoke reasonable Spanish, and his wife spoke reasonable English. So the conversation went like this. One of the Spanish men asked a question in Spanish to the German man. He translated

Pattaya One 09 that to his wife in German, and then she would ask the question in English to the Thai bargirl who spoke English, That Thai bargirl would then tell her Thai friend in Thai what the Spaniard had said.

If she wanted to ask one of the Spanish men a question the flow went the other way. One Thai girl asking her friend a question in Thai, who then repeated it in English to the German woman, who then said it to her husband in German, who then translated it into Spanish for one of the Spaniards to answer. It was quite confusing.

Finally, and appropriately to end on, this being about Thailand, a story involving many classic elements of life here - a motorbike taxi driver, a scam, a cultural misunderstanding, gullibility, a lack of ability to deploy even basic Thai - it all ended up with a foreigner paying well over the odds for something, when Familyonthemove observed this unusual payment for a motorbike taxi fare in Bangkok: Walking down Sukhumvit one morning I saw a large American clambering off the back of a motorcycle taxi outside the Landmark Hotel. He asked the rider ‘how much’ but the motorsai rider seemed to have no English and so he just put his hand out - presumably expecting the usual 20 Baht.

The American started handing out a mixture of 100 and 20 Baht notes while watching the riders face, waiting for him to indicate that he had received enough cash to cover the trip. The rider just sat there with an impassive look on his face as a wad of notes built up in his hand. After receiving what looked to be about 400 Baht he finally smiled and put the cash in his waist bag.

Clear proof of the old adage that silence is indeed golden, and never moreso than in Thailand.

All comments or Web Board tipoffs gratefully received at jt@pattayaone.net

Phasa Thai, anyone?

Learning a new language is right up there on the difficulty ladder for most foreigners. Yet consider what learning Thai could do for you, aside from impressing the girls and making life in Thailand a bit easier and more fun.

A study done at the Toronto’s Baycrest Center for Aging and the Brain found learning another language can help keep the brain fit. Those study participants who were bilingual postponed dementia by four years compared to those who spoke only one language.

10 Pattaya One

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Pattaya Focus on ......

By Street Stroller

On Problems with the Baht Bus System Over the next few editions, Pattaya Focus will look at some of the problems with the baht bus system in Fun Town and explain why Focus thinks it is now time for the city to change gear on its transport policy, and what the city should do about it.

All for free too, although we hope a crafty firm of traffic consultants doesn’t cut and paste our articles into a ‘report’ then connive to sell it to the city for 30 million baht in consultancy fees. Otherwise we want a slice.

Pattaya’s troubled relationship with baht buses is so interwoven by vested interests and self-serving connections that, along with the jet skis, the topic can probably be put under a column headed: “bad things the city cannot change, as it is too compromised or powerless to act’.

But act someone must, because it is clear to anyone who has a casual interest in Pattaya, and who possesses at least one good eye and a functioning brain, that the present baht bus system is unprofessionally run, inappropriate for the city as its only mass transport system, and it is completely unable to cope with the huge influx of tourists and residents into Fun Town over the past couple of years.

Because of Pattaya’s success at wooing Russian-speaking tourists, the situation is likely to get much worse in the future, especially at high season, because the increased number of tourists is already putting great pressure on this flawed transport system.

In the same way Russian sunlovers have put pressure on the beach umbrella concession areas, we think they will also force changes in the transport system.

Here’s one I missed earlier

Baht bus numbers Supply and Demand?

Some estimates put the numbers of baht bus vehicles at 700, although sometimes it seems the correct number might be more like 70, especially when you need one.

Whatever the real number, obviously the whole fleet of baht buses are not all on the road at the same time, but certainly hundreds are in operation during daylight, all over the city, ferrying residents, Russians and other holidaymakers about the place, either as public buses or special rides, on fixed 10 baht routes or special trips costing a lot more.

In the past, baht buses always seemed to be there when you needed one, with little waiting, except late at night or early in the morning.

Now it seems wherever you are, and certainly on the popular tourist routes, 10 baht buses -either privately hired ones, with loads of room, or ones for public hire, their

Extra baggage causes a problem

backs almost broken by the groaning weight of passengers already stuffed into them- are likely to sail (or creak) past before one that is sufficiently empty will stop for you.

This would be less of a problem if the pavements were pedestrian friendly, and if the city had good footpaths so people could walk instead of getting buses for short distances, but this is Pattaya and they are not.

Besides, it’s often too hot to walk, and the pollution and the road dangers frequently make walking an unpleasant alternative.

In Jomtien there is often no road, let alone a footpath, making the walk from Pattaya to Jomtien extremely dangerous.

Russians The deluge of Russian visitors these past couple of high seasons has shown up the problems of using baht buses as the city’s only mass transit system.

And here I’m not talking about the new tourists’ spatial rudeness (never removing bags from seats or their refusal to make room for other people until forced to), their (male) shirtlessness, or their smoking and drinking booze in the buses, all of which are problems for other passengers.

The increasing numbers of Russians, most of whom rely on baht buses to get them around, means that it is an increasingly common sight to see, even outside the highest season and peak times of the weekend, large numbers of Russians in Jomtien and Naklua, who are waiting on the trafficclogged roads for a baht bus to

stop for them which is not already packed with (mostly) their own countrymen squeezed into, and hanging off the back of it.

Russians and other tourists with more money, can get around this problem by renting private hire baht buses, so a couple or four people can travel in (comparative) style and comfort.

Unfortunately this understandable desire not to be sweated over in a packed cattle truck, and to instead hire a baht bus privately, means there are even less baht buses available to pick up the increasing numbers of people waiting at the roadside for one they can squeeze into.

Meanwhile, just to rub their noses in it, virtually empty ones fly right past, with a couple of people sprawled inside, their happy occupants having paid an increasingly large sum to privately hire the vehicle.

Who can blame them? The alternative is an increasingly long, frustrating wait at the side of a pollution-filled, dangerous road, to get into town from outlying areas such as Jomtien, where you cannot sensibly or safely walk on the road at night.

It is the same in the reverse direction, from Pattaya to Jomtien.

The baht buses are usually groaning under the weight of hordes of passengers as they crawl away from their Second Road stop, and they are then unable to pick up even a single passenger until they disgorge their Russian cargoes in Jomtien.

Baht Bus “Depot” at Second Road Last week, at 4:00pm on a midweek afternoon, we saw a first in Pattaya.

There were NO baht buses left in the line to pick up passengers at the Second Road stop. We watched for half an hour (until we got bored), as each bus arrived, it immediately crammed aboard as many waiting passengers as it could, and set off again, leaving a long line of mostly Russian tourists, waiting for the next baht bus to arrive.

It suggests there is increasing (overwhelming?) business in the city for the baht buses on duty, and that the present system cannot cope. They could increase the numbers of baht buses on the roads, of course, but for many reasons, which we will talk about next issue, this would not be a good idea.

It seems the city’s marketing success in bringing in Russians in increasingly large numbers, may be a success for tourism, but not for the city’s overburdened infrastructure.

To be continued……

Contact us at pattayafocus@gmail.com

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THe

Frugal gourmanD

leT’s do lunCh My friend and I recently decided to try the lunch buffet at edge, on the fifteenth floor of the recently opened Hilton Hotel, atop the Central Festival Pattaya Beach Mall, on Second Road. They offer a complete, daily, lunch buffet, Monday through Saturday, at an incredibly reasonable 300 baht.

This includes drinking water, but not other beverages. A small bottle of Heineken or cup of coffee will set you back around 100 baht apiece. VAT and service are added to the bill.

After parking our motorcycles in the Central Festival Pattaya Beach garage, we took the mall elevator to the seventh floor, which lets you out at the hotel lobby; which apparently is actually the sixteenth floor of the Hilton. You take an escalator down one flight to the edge Restaurant, which overlooks Pattaya Bay and has an outdoor deck and indoor, air-conditioned seating. either way, you’re presented with beautiful vistas. The large, spacious dining room is flooded with natural light and is decorated with lots of wood and modern furnishings. There’s an open kitchen

topping imaginable, such as nuts, chocolate and jellied candy.

The serving staff was quite attentive. The water glasses were constantly refilled and all questions answered in fluent English. My friend and I were quite satisfied with the food and the general experience. It was well worth the 500 or so baht it cost when drinks were included. If you just stick to water, your total bill will come to 300 baht plus VAT and service. All in all, I would give this lunch buffet two thumbs up. I can’t wait to try some of the other themed buffets. After this sumptuous lunch, I just had one question: What’s for dinner?

Main Course and several serving stations. each day of the week features a special theme. We dined on a Wednesday, when Russian and Italian (mostly Italian and American, truth be told) cuisine was featured. Sushi is featured on Monday; pizza and pasta on Tuesdays; noodles on Thursdays; seafood on Fridays and, apparently, Saturday is pig-out day featuring an array of dessert items.

The salad station had a variety of items, including potato salad, corn and crab salad and a great make your own Caesar salad bar.

There was a sign in front of an empty bowl for smoked salmon salad; but the bowl was never replenished. There was also Panini and tramezzino (small, triangular

sandwiches with crusts removed) made Russian style with shrimp and tuna selections. A bread station offered delicious, fresh baked bread that you sliced yourself. I had to ask one of the servers to replenish the butter. Several kinds of soup were offered, as well as three varieties of potatoes, spaghetti and meatballs, grilled vegetables and baked beans. The barbecue station offered grilled chicken and every type of hamburger you could possibly want.

Whatever you do, save room for dessert. The sweets section displayed all types of cakes and puddings, including my favourite, chocolate mousse. There was an ice cream station offering every

Hilton Lunch

If you have any favorite restaurants you’d like included; or would like your restaurant reviewed, email me at thefrugalgourmandpattayaone@gmail.com

songkran Beckons

JAWS It ‘aInt

Resembling something off Finding Nemo, this cheery little black tip reef shark has little to be happy about.

More Lunch than Jaws, he is to be found in a restaurant fish tank on Walking Street, and his days are probably as numbered as his fins.

It is a sad sight, but unfortunately one that is not unusual in Pattaya, where the best sea creatures get caught and eaten.

Soon scuba dive schools will be offering dive trips to tanks in fish restaurants, never mind underwaterworld or Pattaya Bay.

Allvoices in Malaysia printed a story about the upcoming Songkran celebrations, which was illustrated by a friendly policeman being soaked with water at Songkran, saying: “even the police join in the fun as you would see in the picture to the right”.

Pattaya One would definitely not suggest revelers in Fun Town point their water pistols at Pattaya Policemen on duty that day in the city. If they are in the wrong mood, a day trip to the nick, or a heavy fine, may await the boozed up triggerman.

16 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

GAYMARCH email: gaymarchpattayaone@gmail.com

Bar hopping: I checked out a few Boyz Town/Pattayaland bars recently. The Copa (Pattayaland Soi 3) puts on an energetic and entertaining cabaret show twice nightly (first show at 11 pm), preceded by their erotic boys swimming show, which I, personally, can live without; but different strokes for different folks. on a recent visit, they had a good amount and variety of go-go boys to suit most tastes.

Recently, the upstairs dynamite Bar was closed. Let’s hope this is temporary as they put on a pretty raunchy show. wild west Boys (Pattayaland Soi 2) has a nice show with a talented dance troupe. I think it’s one of the best around. As of press time, the owner of happy

Place Bar on, Pattayaland Soi 2, was celebrating his birthday on 22 March. As this is also Boy Bingo night, extra special prizes were promised to the winners. (Maybe, two boys?) Don’t forget to check out Boy Bingo every month on the 22nd. Who knows? You may win the boy of your dreams. other great prizes are offered, such as vouchers to terrific restaurants. Twenty percent of the proceeds go to charity.

They also offer beer at 120 baht (99 baht if you are an expat resident); and often give out half price coupons on the gay beach. on 21 March, X Boys, (Pattayaland Soi 1) had their special s.e.X. Boys Pattaya Party and B Boy Contest. It was quite a blast!

B BOYS CONTEST AT X BOYS

By James Barnes

FIRST PRIZE GOES TO ‘JULIET’ The evening started with their ten o’clock show, featuring full nudity and big appendages on display.

A full fledged Bangkok style love making show was offered. Then, the B Boys contest commenced.

There were five teams and two rounds. Punters could buy flowers for 50 baht apiece for their favorites.

First place went to the team, Juliet, who bagged the 5,000 baht first prize. Juliet is part of the B-Boys Team that will appear at the ganymede fundraiser for Take Care!! on 9 April (See below.). They promise to dance in their sexy bikinis. Don’t hold me to it, but we can hope. I also noticed an improvement in the variety of go-go boys at X-Boys. Before, they offered almost exclusively, masculine hunks. This night they had quite a few slim types. You won’t find ladyboys or femme types, but, at least, a little variety is the spice of life.

(I made that up.)

Jomtien Complex continues to please, despite road construction

1 - 15 april 2011 Issue 13 outside on Thappraya Road. A recent visit to Question Mark revealed a respectable amount of customers and many boys anxious to sit with them and perhaps provide an, ahem, massage upstairs.

These boys are mostly on the femme side. Next door, Two Faces, which also offers beer, boys and massage, was almost empty of customers. Go figure. Across the soi, dolce vita, which also serves food, had a full house one recent evening. They seem to have taken over the space next door, formerly a Russian owned boy bar. With recent expansions by ganymede, Question Mark and, apparently, dolce vita, it would appear that investors are optimistic about Jomtien Complex’s future. Down the road, The venue continues to pack them in for their cabaret shows, commencing around 10 pm.

A new beer bar has opened on Soi VC in sunee Plaza: smorn.

What the heck does that mean?

Mark your calendar. Saturday, 9 April, is a big party at ganymede, in Jomtien Complex, to raise money for the Take Care!! safer sex project. one hundred fifty baht, which goes to TAKE CARE!!, gets your first drink and food. Anticipated entertainment includes B-Boys dancers (who promise to be minimally attired), an underwear fashion show and auction, live music and other surprises. There’ll be lucky draws with fabulous prizes, as well. Advanced reservations can be made by emailing info.ganymede@gmail. com. The fun starts at 8 pm. So, don’t be late. See the Ganymede web site for more details (http:/ /74.220.207.127/~asianmoo/ ganymede/promo.html).

Pattaya: one rainbow i’m coming out

‘I’m coming out. I want the world to know. Got to let it show!’ So sang soul diva Diana Ross hoping to cash in on the phenomenon of the discotheque and become a gay icon. The very first disco in the world was in New York City. It was a gay dance club. As in many areas of popular culture, we did it first! Donna Summer released ‘I feel Love’ following drag queen Sylvester’s ‘You make me feel’ and a world of gays who were out and proud could shout out loud, ‘Deal with it!’ as they shook their ‘groove thangs’ at a hundred and twenty beats to the minute.

It is so easy to forget that there are millions of gay guys around the

world who are still in the closet.

Scared of condemnation or even violence. Scared, often, of themselves. There are such guys even in Pattaya. Today. Hard to believe that in this most tolerant city there are still guys who pace the pavements outside gay venues, plucking up the courage to cross the threshold. They know that to go inside is to come out. Demonstrating, beyond doubt, they are gay. Showing the world. Admitting it to themselves. That self-acknowledgement can be the hardest part of the process of coming out. It is a matter of confidence.

Just as the heady disco daze of

the 1970’s provided a space of confidence in which gay people could come together in safety, so too does the gay press and even a humble column like Pattaya: one rainbow. The collective and individual gay consciousness does benefit from positive and inspiring messages, written by gay men, read by gay men. This is especially important to young Thai guys, raised in a culture that puts respect for elders and tradition on a paramount plinth of priority.

A couple of weeks ago, I was taking a break after a particularly hectic day. I was enjoying the spectacularly happy cabaret show at

Jomtien’s, The Venue when I was approached by a young Thai guy.

He had seen the logo on my shirt; his enquiry: ‘Are you with ouT in Thailand magazine?’ My reply engendered genuine gratitude from this mild mannered man. It was not a platitude. He explained that reading the confident and sympathetic angle of a story in the magazine had given him the confidence to come and see the show. His eyes glittered with a heady mix of nervous energy and pride. The impression he left me with is not one I will soon forget.

James Barnes is editor-in-chief of ouT in Thailand magazine (the publication is available at the Pattaya Hotmale office and drop-in centre in Jomtien Complex)

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

THAI Lite

Inside the Wonderful World of Trump

By S. Tsow

Donald Trump is a flamboyant American real-estate developer and entrepreneur, famous for his wealth, his outspoken feistiness, and his wives. I can’t remember how many wives he’s had, but they’re all drop-dead gorgeous.

The Donald, as he is called, is renowned for his hair, a wave of yellow-brown thatch which sweeps across his brow as if preparing to launch itself into outer space. It is sure to take its place in the Haircut Hall of Fame alongside such world-famous hairstyles as those of Einstein, Don King, and Sathya Sai Baba.

In a recent interview on CNN, The Donald delivered an exposition of his political views that would have made my hair stand on end, if I had any. As an American and a Sinophile, I found it riveting.

Trump doesn’t like the Chinese.

He said that if he were president of the United States, he’d slap a 25% import tax on all Chinese goods. He went on to note that the Chinese are The Enemy. “They want to take over America. They don’t compete, they cheat,” he fumed, adding that they adulterate the foodstuffs they sell with lethal chemicals designed

to kill us all. “I understand the Chinese,” he boasted. “I do business with them. They think our leaders are stupid. [Uhhhhh…] They want to put us under. They’re not our friends.” He excoriated U.S. President Barack Obama for laying on a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. “If it was me,” he huffed, “I’d have invited him to my office to talk, and if we couldn’t reach an agreement I’d have sent him across the street to eat at McDonald’s.”

Well. The Donald is the only person I know of who can express such fiery anti-Chinese sentiments without being branded a racist. And may I digress to note that, in contemporary America, to be labeled a racist is the kiss of death. You may be a wife-beater, a child molester, a mass murderer, a killer of baby harp seals and a cannibal, and people will blame it on faulty toilet training. But if anybody calls you a racist, you are finished, ostracized, banished, exiled, cast out of human society forever to wander lonely and friendless over barren steppes without a single soul to succor you.

I have news for The Donald. It is not wise for him to declare war on the Chinese. They outnumber

him by a ratio of approximately 1.3 billion to one. Those are fairly daunting odds. Moreover, they are our creditors, having bought up zillions of dollars worth of U.S. treasury bonds. A smart man does not annoy his creditors.

How would The Donald negotiate trade agreements with the Chinese?

Well, he sure wouldn’t use diplomats.

Diplomats are trained to be nice guys, and you know what Leo Durocher said about nice guys. Instead, we send in our Wall Street killers.

These guys know how to negotiate.

At this point I found myself scratching my head. By “Wall Street killers,” did he mean people like Hank Paulson, Ben Bernanke, and Timothy Geithner? They may be killers, but I don’t notice they’ve done a very good job of digging the US out of the economic hole the US has dug itself into.

The Donald then edified us with an account of his personal lifestyle, which is marked by an austerity worthy of Mahatma Gandhi. Trump has never tried drugs or alcohol and has never smoked. Not one lone martini, not a single cigarette, has ever sullied those loquacious lips.

His one weakness is women, and such is his hubris that he boasts about it.

Not content to set an example of moral rectitude himself, he has imposed his asceticism on his children, forbidding them ever to smoke, drink, or take drugs. No tattoos, either. Trump doesn’t like tattoos.

Well. Just tattoos? If they were my children, I would have forbidden them to wear their hair in Afros or

Pattaya One 17 dreadlocks, on the grounds that if I can’t do it, nobody can. I would also have outlawed piercings of all kinds: no nose studs, lip studs, nose rings, lip rings, eyebrow rings, nipple rings, rings through the penis or labia, and for sure no jewelry dangling from the navel. Trump’s permissiveness in not prohibiting such aberrations suggests that he may be a closet liberal.

We must marvel at the iron discipline of a man who has kept himself aloof from the temptations of alcohol and tobacco. At the same time, we must note his rigidity.

You’d think he might at least have TRIED drinking a beer or smoking a cigarette—just once, just to see what it was like. Then, thus educated, he could have renounced them. His resistance to experimentation, to trying something new, suggests a disturbing lack of flexibility.

But here’s the good news. Trump is actively considering a run for the U.S. presidency, and he will make his decision in June. We should be so lucky. He would certainly be a breath of fresh air, and might be just what we need. A man who will antagonize his creditors by slapping a 25% import tax on them and send heads of state off to McDonald’s for a burger is not to be taken lightly.

A father who forbids his children alcohol, tobacco and tattoos, but winks at the specter of dangling navel chains, will surely blaze new trails in family values. I can’t wait for his campaign.

S. Tsow can be lauded for his liberal attitudes at s.tsow@ymail.com.

Where to find Pattaya One BEST supermarket, North Pattaya BIG C supermarkets, North and South Pattaya CARREFOUR supermarket, Central Pattaya Road FOODLAND supermarket, Central Pattaya Road FOODMART supermarket, Thappraya Road, Jomtien TOPS supermarket, Central Pattaya Road In front of KASIKORN BANK, Soi 3 Beach Road, Jomtien TESCO-LOTUS CONVENIENCE STORE, Soi Khao Talo NORTH PATTAYA BUS STATION, North Pattaya Road PATTAYA FLOATING MARKET, Sukhumvit Road, Jomtien ASIA BOOKS/BOOKAZINE, (five locations: Carrefour, Royal Garden Plaza, Jomtien, Big C North Pattaya and Central Festival Center) SE-ED Bookshops (17 locations, including: Carrefour, Tukcom, and Tesco-Lotus) ASIA BOOKS, Suvarnabhumi International airport (seven outlets) Free on-line at: www.pattayaone.net (as a free download in PDF format) To make sure you NEVER MISS a single issue, subscribe to Pattaya One online at the above website address. It’s FREE: just supply your name and an email address and we will send you each new issue as it’s published.

FREE (previous issue) with any NICK the PIZZA HOME DELIVERY order

18 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

1 - 15 April 2011 Issue 13

1 - 15 April 2011 Issue 13

Fun Town’s most vibrant

Pattaya One 19

20 Pattaya One

MONDAY QUIZ LEAGUE

14 March 2011 email: quizpattaya@hotmail.com 07 Mar 14 Mar 21 Mar 28 Mar 04 Apr 25 Apr 02 May 09 May 16 May Total Total Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Sc. Pts Score Points

1 PALMERS 2 CHEERS 3 BOWLING GREEN 4 OFFSHORE BAR 5 RISING SUN 6 THE LONDONER 7 NERVOUS WRECK 8 NOM'S BAR 9 W. TANKIE 10 LEGENDS

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Fun Town’s most vibrant

90 12 81 12 79 8 76 7 72 3 81 12 80 10 67 5 76 6 77 8 76 6 69 6 77 7 67 5 74 4 62 3 69 2 58 2 0 0 0 0

Percentage correct by round this Geog. week.

69.8%

171 155 153 147 153 145 144 136 127 0

Sport

History Movies Science Reading General

All

77.0% 55.6% 63.5% 77.8% 73.0% 78.5% 70.9%

24 15 15 15 14 12 12 7 4 0

Average Team Total: 70.9

R3Q7: Q: What is the family name of the Dukes of Cumberland? A: Percy. Offshore appealed for Lonsdale, Bowling Green for Mountbatten, and Cheers for Guelf, with some teams mentioning that Percy is the family name of the Dukes of Northumberland. I think the question must have been a typo, as Percy is the family name of the Dukes of Northumberland, whereas several different families (mostly German) have been given the title of Duke of Cumberland.

Question voided. Two points deducted from Rising Sun and Londoner.

R4Q5: In the film "Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence", what was Mr. Lawrence's job? A: Interpreter. Offshore appealed for Soldier. Of course, they were all soldiers, as the movie is set in a Japanese PoW Camp. Offshore's answer is too ingenuous. From Wikipedia's article on the film: Lieutenant Colonel John Lawrence (Conti), a British officer who has lived in Japan and speaks Japanese fluently. So he was an interpreter. Appeal denied.

R5Q6: Who designed the WWII fighter bomber, the Mosquito? A: De Havilland. Bowling Green and Rising Sun both appealed for Barnes-Wallace. From Wikipedia: Captain Sir Geoffrey de Havilland was a British aviation pioneer and aircraft engineer. His Mosquito has been considered the most versatile warplane ever built. Appeal denied.

WEDNESDAY QUIZ LEAGUE

Results for 16th March 2011

B/F 16 Mar 23 Mar 30 Mar 06 Apr 20 Apr 27 Apr 04 May 11 May 18 May Total

1 SHAGWELL MANSION 2 PALMERS 3 BOWLING GREEN 4 OFFSHORE 5 RISING SUN 6 THE LONDONER 7 CHEERS 8 W. TANKIE 9 NERVOUS WRECK 10 QUEEN VICTORIA 11 THE BUNKER

28 25 25 23 24 21 21 20 19 12 12

3 3 1 3 1 3 3 1 1 3 1

Email: quizpattaya@hotmail.com

31 28 26 26 25 24 24 21 20 15 13 67 102 88 89 78 W

HOME The Bunker Offshore Rising Sun Shagwell Mansion W. Tankie Queen Victoria

AWAY Cheers Bowling Green The Londoner Nervous Wreck Palmers Bye

92 94 89 80 96 L

R3Q6 Q: In cycling, what colour jersey is awarded to the leader in a stage race of the Tour de France? A: Yellow. Cheers (who put green), W. Tankie (pink) and Palmers (blue) all appealed saying the yellow jersey is awarded to the overall leader, not a stage winner. The question is slightly ambiguous, but I will take it to mean the individual stage winner. The yellow jersey is, indeed, awarded to the current overall leader, but there does not appear to be a jersey awarded to an individual stage winner. The question will have to be voided. Two points deducted from Nervous Wreck, Shagwell, Rising Sun, Offshore and Bowling Green.

Legends definitely appear to have dropped out of the quiz. So all teams due to pay against them will have to play by themselves. There cannot be a bye, as the league ranking depends on the number of points scored.

MONDAY QUIZ LEAGUE FIXTURE LIST 7 March 2011 Bowling Green Nom's Bar Cheers W. Tankie The Londoner Legends Nervous Wreck Rising Sun Offshore Palmers

14 March 2011 Legends Cheers Nom's Bar W. Tankie Offshore The Londoner Palmers Nervous Wreck Rising Sun Bowling Green

21 March 2011 Cheers Offshore The Londoner Nervous Wreck Nom's Bar Legends Palmers Rising Sun W. Tankie Bowling Green

28 March 2011 Bowling Green Palmers Legends W. Tankie The Londoner Rising Sun Nervous Wreck Cheers Offshore Nom's Bar

4 April 2011 Legends Bowling Green Nom's Bar Nervous Wreck Palmers The Londoner Rising Sun Cheers W. Tankie Offshore

25 April 2011 Cheers Palmers The Londoner Bowling Green Nervous Wreck W. Tankie Offshore Legends Rising Sun Nom's Bar

9 May 2011 Bowling Green Cheers Nom's Bar The Londoner Offshore Nervous Wreck Palmers W. Tankie Rising Sun Legends

16 May 2011 Cheers Nom's Bar Legends Palmers Nervous Wreck Bowling Green Rising Sun Offshore W. Tankie The Londoner

23 May 2011 Legends The Londoner Nom's Bar Bowling Green Palmers Offshore Rising Sun Nervous Wreck W. Tankie Cheers

30 May 2011 Bowling Green Rising Sun Cheers Legends The Londoner Offshore Nervous Wreck Palmers W. Tankie Nom's Bar

6 June 2011 Bowling Green W. Tankie Legends Nom's Bar Nervous Wreck The Londoner Offshore Cheers Rising Sun Palmers

13 June 2011 Cheers Nervous Wreck Nom's Bar Offshore Palmers Bowling Green Rising Sun The Londoner W. Tankie Legends

20 June 2011 Bowling Green Legends Cheers Rising Sun The Londoner Palmers Nervous Wreck Nom's Bar Offshore W. Tankie

27 June 2011 Bowling Green The Londoner Legends Offshore Nom's Bar Rising Sun Palmers Cheers W. Tankie Nervous Wreck

11 July 2011 Cheers Bowling Green Legends Rising Sun The Londoner Nom's Bar Nervous Wreck Offshore W. Tankie Palmers

18 July 2011 Bowling Green Nervous Wreck The Londoner W. Tankie Nom's Bar Cheers Offshore Rising Sun Palmers Legends

2 May 2011 Bowling Green Offshore Legends Nervous Wreck The Londoner Cheers Nom's Bar Palmers W. Tankie Rising Sun

4 July 2011 Cheers The Londoner Nervous Wreck Legends Offshore Bowling Green Palmers Nom's Bar Rising Sun W. Tankie

Quiz cancelled 11th &18th April - Songkran Any other cancellations to be played at the end of the season.

Fixture list printed: 8 March 2011

Next week's matches March 30th 2011: Londoner vs. Bunker, Nervous Wreck vs. Cheers, Palmers vs. Shagwell, Queen Victoria vs. Rising Sun, W. Tankie vs. Offshore, Bowling Green bye.

sudoku answers

Next week's matches 21st March 2011: Cheers vs. Offshore, Londoner vs. Nervous Wreck, Nom's vs. Legends, Palmers vs. Rising Sun, W. Tankie vs. Bowling Green.

R5Q1 Q: Who sang "Walking in the Air" in the original version of The Snowman? A: Peter Auty. Several teams appealed for Aled Jones. From Wikipedia: "Walking in the Air" is a song written by Howard Blake for the 1982 animated film of Raymond Briggs' 1978 children's book The Snowman. In the film the song was performed by St Paul's Cathedral choirboy Peter Auty. For the subsequent single release, which reached number five in the UK pop charts in 1985, the vocals were sung by Welsh chorister Aled Jones. Appeals denied.

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Pattaya One 21

Where is That Again?

This will bring back memories for anyone who has ever seen the 1988 comedy Funny Farm starring Chevy Chase and Madolyn Smith Osborne The movie is about a couple who move from the city to rural Vermont and the laughs come fast and furious. My favourite scene is where the driver of the moving van carrying all their furniture to the new house stops on a rough country road to ask a local yokel for directions. The hick dryly tells him, “… swing around and go back the way you came, but this time turn right before where the old Hollow shed barn used to be, then about five miles before the road dead ends, veer left and follow the railroad tracks straight into a town called Beaver Mill …”

The reason I recall that particular scene is that I received a text message from a friend inviting me to a birthday party for a mutual friend.

The message said the party was at “Lek Bar opposite soi 7.” Those readers who have been here for some time will know that ‘lek’ is a very common name in Thailand and I guess there could be a dozen ‘Lek’ Bars in Pattaya. But they would not all be located in the same area so I figured I’d have no trouble finding it. In any case, a party means bal-

loons and that would simplify my search.

On the appointed night I crossed Second Road to the relatively new bar complex opposite Soi 7 and casually walked up the left side of the divided walkway which leads through to Soi Buakow. No ‘Lek Bar’. True to form, I thought, with a 50-50 chance of getting it right the first time I had once again picked a loser.

A quick U-turn and down the right back to Second Road. Still no ‘Lek Bar’ and no balloons.

I thought I must have been in the wrong place so had no option but to call my friend for directions.

He confirmed I was actually in the right place.

“But there is no ‘Lek Bar’ here,” I responded.

“No, it’s not called ‘Lek Bar’ any more. We keep calling it that because

that was its name when we first started drinking there years ago.”

Words escaped me. Ever get the feeling that you are on the right track but just missing one vital piece of information? In this case, that vital piece of information was the current name of the bar.

“But I didn’t see any party going on or any balloons,” I replied, trying to keep calm.

“No, the party is tomorrow night.”

So much for communication.

In Money Number One I wrote about a guy who became lost while driving his girlfriend and her friend up country. “Wanting to save time, when he saw a policeman standing beside the road, he pulled over and told the very reluctant girls to get out and ask for directions. They finally did so and he guessed that they were chatting away with the policeman for at least fifteen minutes before returning to the car. They both nodded enthusiastically when he asked them if they now knew where to go. He drove off and as they approached the next intersection asked, ‘Which way then?’ In unison, one girl pointed to the left and the other to the right.”

And what about those American cop shows?

“The getaway car is heading north on West 82nd Street,” shouts the New York City cop into his police radio. Does every cop in the US carry a compass while on duty?

How do they know – in the middle of the night – which way is north?

I have trouble finding north on a

cloudy day let alone in the middle of the night.

Perhaps they can all read the stars.

In my opinion, giving directions is a skill and should be taught in schools as part of the geography class. To begin with, you cannot automatically assume the listener knows what you are talking about so your premise must be that he or she has never been there before, whether they have or not. Make a mental picture of the destination and pick out any discernable landmarks in the area. Then you need to put yourself in their shoes. “If I am driving along that road for the first time could I easily see the bank on the corner?”

You shouldn’t refer to places in slang terms or local jargon.

“Turn left immediately after you get to Fred’s old house.” The listener may not know Fred or where he used to live.

“It is a kilometre after you cross Alligator Creek.” There could be several creek crossings in the area and ‘Alligator Creek’ may not be signposted, or it could just be a local name.

While on that subject, what about estimating distances? It seems everyone on the planet has a different idea of how far a mile or a kilometre actually is. For example, standing at sea level, how far is the horizon away? I have heard people answer everything between one and thirty kilometres. The fact is that, due to the irregular shape of the earth, it varies slightly depending on where you are located. In general, at 1.7 metres above sea level (average eye height) the distance across the ocean to the horizon is 4.7 kilometres or 3 miles. I can’t walk that far, let alone swim it.

But here we are in Pattaya where giving directions should be a much simpler task. Beach Road, Second Road, Third Road and Sukhumvit Road are easy to recognize and the connecting sois generally run on a consecutive numbering system, even though there is the occasional hiccough.

Over the years I have developed a standard response to people asking for directions: “Head down the soi with the 7-Eleven on the corner.”

How could they possibly go wrong with that?

22 Pattaya One

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Our MAn In

PAttAyA Tales from the Crib

By duncan Stearn

Since mid-2000 yours truly has been wearing another (ridiculous) hat writing ‘Nightmarch’, a regular nightlife column. It has appeared at some point in almost every worthwhile local publication and is currently residing quite happily in Pattaya One. Apart from detailing the openings, closings, coming and goings, prices and staffing of bars across Fun Town, I have also been privy to a host of wonderful tales usually involving foreign male visitors doing silly things, most with the aim of winning the heart of a lady of easy virtue.

I call the following vignettes -all true so my informants assure meTales from the Crib. I’m sure the title needs no further explanation. reproduced below are a few of the best of these stories. getting laid in stone: A friend of mine facetiously suggested he’d like to go into business in Thailand and his son suggested a good idea would be foundation stones for new buildings, particularly those financed by foreigners. A more permanent reminder than a simple plaque, a foundation stone could be laid by all those foreigners financing the construction of a house for their ‘but she’s different’ true love.

My friend has been unable to come up with a generic form of dedication to be inscribed on the stone. I would think something simple like: ‘To commemorate the turning of the first sod by this clod, horst g. Ullible, on this day, 1 April.’ operation rejuvenation: More often than not, truth is stranger than fiction. Most of us have joked about bargirls telling their gullible foreign boyfriends tales of woe involving accidents and illnesses to sundry family members and livestock, particularly the precious water buffalo. one man related the story of how his girlfriend mentioned her family buffalo was feeling poorly and she needed funds to get the vet in and fix the beast. Not being the type who came down in the last baht bus, he asked to go and check out the piteous quadruped for himself. Together they travelled back to her home village where the cud-chewing, methane gas emitting, bovine was indeed looking down in the mouth. Satisfied, he handed over a couple of

thousand baht so the buffalo doctor could restore the family’s pride and joy to full health.

Chamber laid: A young english visitor who hails from a place called Ham -I’m told it’s in Surreybooked into a mid-range sleeping palace in central Pattaya and had his rather heavy suitcase conveniently lugged to his room by one of the chambermaids. After entering the room and depositing the bag, she turned to the man and began to reach between his legs in what, in most countries, would be deemed a fairly forward gesture for two people who’d only just become acquainted. Feeling himself aroused by these tender ministrations, he readily agreed to her offer of a little lip service. Some 500 baht later and with a load off his mind, he recounted the tale to his travelling companion, who was occupying another room. “But she’s a katoey,” his friend stated matter-of-factly.

It appears the chambermaid was in fact more the chamberlain, and in his tumescent state the englishman failed to notice ‘she’ was more than a little Ham-fisted. school of the air: My friend Ray purchased a brand new CD player complete with AM/FM radio tuner in Australia, brought it with him to Thailand and presented it to his girlfriend. The young lady had recently opened a hairdressing salon and appreciated the gesture, as she would be able to listen to music while working away in her shop.

After her initial burst of enthusiasm and delight at having received this wondrous piece of Australian-built technology she frowned, turned to Ray and said, “Thank you, but this no good for here.”

“What do you mean?” asked a befuddled Ray. “Have FM radio, but can only play Australian song,” she declared matter-of-factly.

Ray plugged the device into a power point, turned it on and flicked through the dials until he came upon a Thai radio station. upon hearing the Thai voices and music his girlfriends’ eyes lit up in the manner of a person who believes her paramour is imbued with qualities not normally assigned to mere mortals. She believed he had been able to convert the AM/FM tuner so it could receive Thai music instead of Australian. Is this how Jesus Christ got his start?

1 - 15 april 2011 Issue 13

1 - 15 april 2011 Issue 13 Twisting without the pool: The Titty Twister 2 beer boozer and knob-fondlers happy house opened on 11 March. Located on Third Road just a leather dog-collar’s throw from the fetish boozer, The Castle. Basically, it’s the old darling bar tarted up with a new name and management and a few new faces. The joint opens at 4:00pm and kicks on until 2:00am.

The original Titty Twister is situated on the Dark Side and one of its features are pool parties, although the Gidget’s are likely to be named Noi and keep misplacing essential bits of apparel. Apparently there is a free shuttle service (minibus) operating between the two bars during opening hours. who paid the piper? A remembrance party took place at the dao Café, off Soi Kow Noi, in mid-March for the late Lee Mansfield. The well-liked Englishman was the proprietor of the noi’s Sierra Tango boozer on Soi Kow Noi. He was tragically knocked off his motorbike and killed by a foreigner who was driving his car on the wrong side of the road: must have thought he was in Vienna.

The cowardly driver swapped seats with a Thai female and then legged it into the night.

The remembrance party was well attended and I’m led to believe all the bills from the attendees were paid by an unknown Good Samaritan.

Just why this happened is unknown, but it was certainly greatly appreciated by Lee’s many friends. not much bite in here: The newly refurbished shark go-go (upstairs at the entrance to Soi Diamond) is quite nicely done out with a central dancing stage, a change from the previous setup where it was mainly table dancers. Heineken draft amber is the discounted thirst quencher at 60 baht a glass while lady drinks are 120 baht. Although it’s friendly enough in a standard wallet emptying fashion, there were only about 15 dancers to fill a reasonably large space and they ranged from the underfed to furniture breakers. The front door is now at the very top of the stairs leading off Walking Street. our sojourn in the den was spoiled by a typically snooty serving wench who stated, “You here for long time so give me tip.” I don’t know what she considers a ‘long time’ but I doubt the task of having to serve one drink to a customer in a place is a fair measure. looking out, looking in: The Tornados beer boozer and Sierra Tango joint at the Second Road end of Soi 6 is quite a good joint to prepare to kick off an afternoon down in Fun Town’s most handson street. An open fronted bar it

Pattaya One 23

Fun Town’s most vibrant

N ghtmarch By duncan Stearn

has quite a good pool table, free for customers, and a number of friendly ladies whose job description is the same as all the others in the soi.

Most are a bit on the ‘before’ side of a Weight Watchers commercial, but then again you will no doubt get some very good pound-forpound action. Tornados is a great place to watch the top end of the soi and, possibly, find a potential afternoon delight lurking on the nearby barstools. so, what goes on in here then?

Soi LK Metro is continuing to attract a lot of the night creeper trade and one of its original bars, lolita’s (yes, an advertiser with this publication), appears to be doing reasonably well. A friend and I went into the place a few weeks back and decided to sit in one of the very plush and fairly private booths located to the right of the front door. This wasn’t because we wanted female company but simply so we could chat. A couple of the working lasses came to take our drinks order and one went to her knees and…gave us a fairly graphic, no bars held, lips straight to the subject indication of the services Lolita’s offers. Apparently, these are best attempted upstairs in the privacy of a plush room. We declined their generous offer. Drinks prices range from 60 baht for lolly water to 80 baht for a bottle of amber fluid to 100 baht for a lady drink.

Putting the bytes on: Increasingly, bar owners are turning to the Internet to promote their businesses.

Yes, websites for go-go’s and other bars have been around for a long time, but in many cases these sites were simply set up and all-but forgotten, or updated irregularly.

The Classroom go-go in Soi Pattayaland 2 was one of the first to recognize the value of Internet promotion and still keeps its website updated. others who appear to be taking the added time to generate a substantial on-line presence are the sapphire Club go-go (Soi 15, off Walking Street) and the alcatraz go-go on Walking Street.

Both have put together a fairly reasonable Internet presence and can be found at the following urls: www.sapphire club.com and www. alcatrazpattaya gogo.com. Sapphire Club is also operating what they term a party night every Thursday with a free buffet available for customers on the second floor and

email: duncan@pattayaone.net

special drinks.

It’s a real crime: When the alcatraz go-go (Walking Street) first opened its very large prison doors it apparently attracted a lot of negative comment from the blogosphere, primarily about its overpriced drinks.

Management have since reduced imposts (although lady drinks at 135 baht are still over the top) and offer a 60-baht draft amber all night. Well, the horse and other potential inmates have certainly bolted as at my most recent visit the customers were thin in the cells (and I doubt many were being shown the delights of the solitary confinement chambers) and the dancing crew were equally light on, well, in numbers anyway, not so much in kilos-to-size. The hostesses and serving personnel are friendly enough in that ‘buy me drink, now’ kind of way. Mind you, this hard sell and pushy attitude appears worse now than at any other time I can recall. As far as Alcatraz is concerned, the large size of the den (the upstairs was not opened on the night I was last in) and the relatively small numbers of dancing damsels makes the joint look sparse. The dancers are definitely overdressed, and only average in looks terms, for a go-go bar, so it’s more like a cross between a coyote den and the reception area at the Nong Palai detention centre.

Slowly getting off the floor: Down in Soi Yamato the newly-refurbished Clinic beer boozer and sports emporium is gradually starting to attract a few wallet emptiers to provide ministration to visitors looking for companionship.

In these current times it’s increasingly difficult for new people to take over places in either Soi Yamato (Soi 13/1) or Soi Post Office (Soi 13/2) and attract custom. The beer boozer scene has moved substantially to the area bounded by Soi’s Diana, Lengkee, LK Metro and Buakhow, while many of the bars in these older sois are a stark reminder of what Fun Town used to be like two decades ago. That said, at least the Clinic is a decent sized place, clean and far fresher than most.

Turned into a real lemon: The Mandarin go-go bar in Soi 6 has had its moments over the years but a recent visit left me in no doubt this place ranks close to the bottom of the ogling den pile. Three fat ladies: could be a good name for a comedy trio, but when they happen to be the only entertainment in a place, and the 38-year-old mamasan looks like Miss World, you know things cannot be good. It’s a pity in some ways because Mandarin is a nicelyappointed bar, but bereft of even modest talent both in numbers and looks makes me wonder how the place keeps its doors open. a small construction: The Best Friend beer bar complex (Beach Road) is either undergoing major renovations or being turned into a mini shanty town. The Muay Thai boxing stage has been demolished along with a number of beer bars.

Not sure if something is meant to rise from the rubble, only time will tell.

Piece of Pith: Confucious says: ‘Crowded elevator smell different to midget.’

" VOTED PATTAYA'S

# 1 GoGo

2008, 2009 & 2010 " SOI 15 WALKInG Street www.babydollspattaya.com

24 Pattaya One

Fun Town’s most vibrant

1 - 15 April 2011 Issue 13

The Thai national flag evolves after a monarch witnesses one being flown upside down Historical Feature

By Duncan Stearn and the people; white for Theravada Buddhism, the state religion; and the central blue stripe symbolises the monarchy. It has also been stated that blue was the official colour of King Rama VI. Another account claims the blue was inserted as a show of solidarity following Thailand’s entry into the First World War (in July 1917) as an ally of Britain and France.

King Vajiravudh in Wild Tiger uniform

In 1916, King Vajiravudh (Rama VI) introduced a new ensign. The story goes that the king, on one of his boat trips up the Chao Phrya River, noticed the-then 61-year-old national flag was being flown upside down over a hut. Back in his Bangkok palace, the monarch decided to design a simpler and more modern-looking national ensign. Considering the flags of most European powers were based on stripes representing their national colours, Vajiravudh came up with a new emblem consisting of five horizontal stripes of red, white, red, white, and red. It lasted about a year before the current flag, with a blue stripe replacing the centre red, was introduced.

The current ensign is known as the ‘Trairanga’ or ‘Trairong’, meaning tricolour, and consists of five horizontal stripes of, from top to bottom, red, white, blue, white, and red. It’s a symbol that seems to fly from anything remotely resembling a flagpole, all across the nation.

It has been the official national flag since 28 September 1917, when it was unfurled by King Vajiravudh.

The prevailing- although unofficialview of the meaning of the five stripes is: red represents the land

Uncertainty

Vexillologists are not in complete agreement with regard to the various flags of Thailand and their dates of introduction, although most sources seem to agree the first national ensign was a plain red colour with no other markings or features.

Just when the first Thai flag flew from a flagpole has never been established. The first account to mention any sort of national flag symbol occurred during the reign of King Narai (1656-1688). According to some sources, a plain red banner was displayed by Ayutthayan merchant ships trading with foreign countries. It is generally believed the first official Thai national flag was unfurled in 1680 when a French warship arrived at the mouth of the Chao Phrya River on a goodwill visit.

The local governor was asked by the French commander if it would be allowed to fire a salute as it entered the mouth of the river. Permission was given and the Thais manning the fort at the entrance returned the salute. As it was customary to raise the national flag before a gun salute was fired, the governor found a suitable piece of red cloth, attached it to a rope and raised it to accept the French salute. Thai practicality at its best.

Research by Prince Damrong, a brother of King Chulalongkorn, showed the use of the red ensign

could certainly be traced to the reign of King Borommakot (17331758) and a mission by 18 Buddhist monks who travelled to Sri Lanka in 1752 in an attempt to restore Sinhalese Buddhism. A journal, written at the time, mentions only red flags were used on the Thai sailing vessels.

Some time between 1752 and 1800, the Thai flag may have had a white chakra -a Buddhist wheel, shaped like a fan- added to the plain red. Then, in 1817, during the reign of King Rama II, a white elephant was added to the centre of the chakra.

This was apparently done because the King had taken delivery of a very rare white elephant, the third of his reign. It is also suggested by some sources that the port authority in Singapore claimed they couldn’t differentiate between private and government Thai merchant vessels and asked if it was possible for the Thais to issue an official flag. This could only have happened some time after 1819, as Singapore was a virtually uninhabited island until that time. It was a different story by the early 1820s.

In 1855, (during the reign of King Mongkut; Rama IV) the white chakra was dropped and thus the vexillum was a red field with a white elephant in the centre. This remained the national symbol for the next 61 years, until that fateful day in 1916 when Vajiravudh saw it being flown upside down.

Thai flag before c. 1817

Thai flag c. 1817-1855

Confusion

An American publication entitled The Flags of the Principal Nations of the World (published in 1837) shows the flag of Thailand as red with a white disk in the centre. On the white disk is a drawing of a sun with a face on it. This same drawing appears in renditions of the flags of both Uruguay and Peru. The flag of Burma (only a part of which was under British control) is rendered as a red field with a white elephant facing the flagpole. This would seem to be more representative of Thailand than of Burma and almost certainly represents a mistake made by the editors of the publication.

Thai flag 1855-1916

Thai flag 1916

Published and Edited by Singhanart Rullapak for Napasingh 108 Co. Ltd., 353/62 M.9, Nongprue, Banglamung, Chonburi 20150. Printed by Pattaya Printing Solutions, Jomtien, Nongprue, Banglamung.