Costa Link Magazine January 09 by paulsnooks

Costa lInk magazine

COVERING COSTA DEL SOL - COAST AND INLAND FROM FUENGIROLA TO SOTOGRANDE

JANUARY 2009 NO.22 WIN € 200 WITH

See Page 78

Jokes Puzzles Local Info Bar & Restaurant Guide Kids Page What’s On Guide

R F

Business Directory

Glass Curtains S.L.

www.connectinternetcafe.com

E E

ALHAURIN AUTOS Alhaurin

With over 15 years experience in the UK, we at Alhaurin Autos know how to look after our customers. We will take part exchanges of either English or Spanish vehicles. We even give you cash back if you wish to trade down to a smaller car. We have a fully qualified gestor and will take care of all the legalities for you. Can’t get to see us? No problem, we’ll bring the car to you. Servicing and repairs at competative prices 3, 6 and 12 month warranties available.

Autos

LEFT HAND DRIVE PEUGEOT 206, 1.4, 2004, on Spanish plates €4,995 VW GOLF, 1.9 TDi, PAS, A/C, Long I.T.V., 1996 €3,295 SEAT IBIZA, 1.4 petrol, PAS, A/C, CD, New I.T.V. €3,995 MERCEDES E300 TD. AMG, AUTO, PAS, A/C, Leather, Electric pack €9,995 €6,995 MERCEDES E200 Auto, TD, 1993, PAS, bargain €2,995 FORD FOCUS ESTATE 2 ltr, 6 speed diesel, 2005, PAS, A/C, CD, FSH 140 bhp €11.995 CITROEN XANTIA, 1.9 TDi, 1997, PAS, A/C, Just serviced. €3,995 €2,995 RENAULT KANGOO 1.9, DCi 65, 2 seater, €4,995 €3,995 panel van, 2001, A/C. RIGHT HAND DRIVE FORD MAVERICK 4x4 petrol, 1997, A/C, PAS, CD €1,995 DEL BOYS TROTTER INDEPENDENT TRADING VAN, As seen on TV, No plonkers. €3,995 SEAT IBIZA, 1.2 Petrol, 2003, PAS, A/C, CD €4,995 €3,995 RENAULT MEGANE SCENIC, 1.9 TDi, 2002, PAS, €4,995 ROVER 75 Connoisseur, 2001, Auto, PAS, A/C, Sat Nav, TV, leather €6,995 €4,995 FIAT ULYSEE, 2LT., JTD, Diesel, PAS, A/C, CD, 7 seats, 2000. €8,995 JEEP CHEROKEE 2.5 TD, PAS, FSH 1997, VGC €5,495, REDUCED TO €2,995 LDV SHERPA 1998, diesel €1,795 MERCEDES C240 ESTATE, blue with beige leather 1999, FSH, PAS, A/C, CD, as new condition €5,995 €4,995 SSANYONG MUSSO, 4x4, 2.9 CRDi, RHD, UK plates, 2001, X reg, €6,995 REDUCED TO €4,995 4 WHEEL DRIVE SSAYONG REXTON, 2.9 CRDI, Diesel, Auto, 2007, PAS, A/C, CD, Immaculate, 2 years warranty. €24,995 MITSUBUSHI L200 PICK UP, Diesel, 2003, 4 door, PAS, A/C, CD, Immaculate, Bargain €13,995

FORD F150 LARIAT 2006, PAS, A/C, Leather, 5.4 Auto, low Kms.

P.O.A.

VOLVO C70 CONVERTIBLE, 2001, PAS, A/C, CD, leather interior, only 42,000 kms. €15,995

RENAULT ESPACE INITALE LTD ED. 2001 FULLY LOADED HALF LEATHER, 7 SEATS, C/L, VGC €10,995

MERCEDES E300 3.0L DIESEL. CHOICE OF TWO FROM €6,995

SELECTION OF AUDIS, CHOICE OF FOUR PETROL, MANUAL, DIESEL & AUTOS €6,995,

MERCEDES E320 CDI Avantguard estate auto.2000, PAS, A/C, CD, Tow bar, Immaculate inside and out €11,995

BMW 850 I. 1990, PAS, A/C, CD, FSH, leather interior, long I.T.V. REDUCED €8,995

MERCEDES SL 500. 1993, PAS, A/C, CD, removable hard top, immaculate. €13,995

Advert

REDUCED FROM €19,995

We have more stock available, please see our website for a wide selection of LHD, RHD, Commercial, 4x4 and Cabriolets.

www.alhaurin-autos.com Cars bought and sold, cash waiting, immediate decision. Free collection service, best prices paid, Call now! Sunday viewings by appointment.

661 964 014 690 006 175 Email: alhaurinautos@hotmail.com Poligono Industrial La Rosa, Alhaurin el Grande

CITROEN C3, semi auto, 2003. PAS, A/C, CD, FSH,.changes from cabriolet to pick up. €10,995

Nissan X Trail 2.2L DCI Elegance. 2004, PAS, A/C, CD, leather, immaculate. Further reduced €15,995

I.T.V. SERVICE AVAILABLE CAR IMPORTS AND TRANSFERS NOW AVAILABLE

Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007

Advertising Sales: 663 061 669 Deadline Date: 15th of each month. No part of this publication, including pictures may be copied, SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors.

Happy New Year! - where on earth did 2008 disappear to? We hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and that you’re not paying too heaftily now for your over indulgences in the form of credit card bills and diets but hey, it wouldn’t be January without them! If you are anything like me, many of your New Year’s resolutions will already be long forgotten, even as you drag yourself out of bed on New Years Day, but you will still have ridiculously high aspirations of planning to be two stone lighter by Febuary, that one never changes! The decorations are coming down, the anticipation of what Father Christmas is bringing long gone - what is there to look forward to now? Well, I for one love the feeling of fresh starts that a new year brings, planning your year ahead and all your aims and aspirations. I also cannot wait for the weather to start hotting up and to enjoy the few quiet months before the world and his dog start to visit our sunny shores. So don’t feel despondent in January, look for the pluses and remember humor is one of the healthiest and most powerful methods to help provide perspective on life's difficult experiences, and it is frequently shared during periods of crisis. So what better way to cheer yourself up from the January blues than with a read of this very magazine. Have a great month and enjoy!

Inside This Month’s Issue

Bar & Restaurant Guide

What’s On Guide

Puzzles

Jokes Page

Kids Page

33 & 37

to advertise in costa link magazine please call 663 061 669

952 462 092

A W o m a n’s W o r l d Revenge is Sweet Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it,” she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said “Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.” A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they

stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.” Her mother just smiled and replied, “Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.” Quick insults for men everywhere… Why do men become smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius. Why don’t women blink during sex? They don’t have enough time. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don’t stop to ask directions.

W h a t ’s T h e G o s s I’m a (Wannabe) Celebrity

Nicola McLean has really got her claws out and stepped up her feud with Jordan. Before going in the jungle the Page 3 girl revealed how much she used to fancy Katie Price’s husband Peter Andre. (Playing with fire me thinks!) She also declared on her website: “Move over Katie Price, there’s a bubblier, funnier and sexier gal on the block.” (I guess someone needs to think she’s fantastic - even if she is her own greatest fan.) Unsurprisingly Katie hasn’t taken this lying down and retaliated by saying that Nic was trying to copy her and said during a TV interview “I really don’t like Nicola. She’s got her

boobs out in the paper today. We’ve seen enough of them. There’s no need to get them out.” (Pots and kettles spring to mind Katie!) Nicola, obviously on a roll and confident in her new ‘celebrity’ status then went on to berate others in the celebrity field; Apparently she doesn’t like Victoria Beckham much either. She thinks Victoria Beckham is always miserable and she doesn’t like the way she pouts and how she could see up her nose.” (Fair point maybe) She also branded Danielle Lloyd as “dull with average looks”, Kerry Katona as “a mess who needs to realise she has children to consider” and Jodie Marsh as “the kind of easy, cheap girl that men have one-night stands with.” All fair comments maybe, however, I don’t think you can expect too many invites from ‘real’ celebrities in the near future Nicola!

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Why we love our jobs Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I

should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save Continued on page 20

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We have great price busting special offers every week helping you to save money! Why not check out our store in Los Boliches Fuengirola, 3 streets back from the El Corte ingles roundabout on Avenida de las Salinas near the los boliches train station.

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Why we love our jobs Continued from page 16 them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them by name later, my shrewd deductions will identify them. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager. Wait until my yearly review and then

tell me what my goals should have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

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PARKER SOL PROPERTIES & COSTALETS Tel: 952 56 39 39 / 636 829 631 www.costalet.com C/ Sagitario 6, Jardines de Gamonal Blq 7, 29631 Arroyo de la Miel C.I.F: B-92171388

ONE OF THE BEST KNOWN AND MOST SUCCESSFUL RENTAL AGENTS AND REAL ESTATE COMPANIES IN BENALMADENA IS NOW OPERATING IN CALAHONDA. IF YOU WISH TO SELL, BUY OR RENT LONG TERM FROM EL FARO TO ELVIRIA, CALL US NOW. CALAHONDA AREA SALES 2 BED APARTMENT IN MIRAFLORES, PARKING, CLOSE TO GOLF 185,000€ UPPER CALAHONDA. LARGE 2 BED LUXURY APARTMENT, 110 SQM. BRAND NEW, FULLY FURNISHED, INCLUDES PARKING AND STORE ROOM.199,000€ MIRAFLORES 3 BED LUXURY. SEMI DETACHED TOWNHOUSE IN A SMALL EXCLUSIVE DEVELOPMENT, PARKING, CLOSE TO GOLF. BEAUTIFUL HOME 365,000€

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THESE ARE JUST A SMALL SELECTION OF OUR STOCK. CALL NOW FOR THE PROPERTY OF YOUR CHOICE Decreto 218/2005. All the properties shown are built. A ficha informative will be given at viewings or immediately afterwards. All prices include 5% commission. All properties are liable to 7% IVA, approx. 2% notary & registration fees, and 1% solicitors fees. A nota explicative is available showing all costs, upon request. The information shown is valid until the 31st December 2008. None of the details shown form part of any contract but are for illustration and information only.

A M a n’s W o r l d Hormone Hostage The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other... DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here’s €50 for new shoes.

ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate. DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRA SAFE: More chocolate darling? DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today. SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that dressing gown! ULTRA SAFE: Would you like me to pop to the shops to get you some more chocolate my love, I can see you’ve been rushed off your feet all day? Study them, memorise them, because one day they could save your life!

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How do you clean a car without water? This question is asked at least once a day says Marc from Mobile Car Valeting. “We spray a special product on the car which lifts the dirt off the paint surface and encapsulates it. This way we can easily remove it without a scratch. Afterwards we buff the paint to a polished shine. We not only clean the car but also polish and protect it. This way the car will stay cleaner much longer.” They do not use any water or soap and don’t make any mess on your driveway. And your car will always be cleaned by a team of insured professionals who only use eco-friendly products. Their services range from exterior and interior valets up to full showroom preparation where they give the paint a three stage clay, polish and wax treatment. Mobile Car Valeting has clients who want their car valeted on a weekly, bi-weekly or

monthly base and also people who want to sell their car. Having your car cleaned on a regular basis will protect your investment and will give you more money when selling it. Valeting prices start at € 21. When asking who their clients are, Marc says it ranges from business people to car enthusiasts to people who enjoy a clean car. Mobile Car Valeting visits their clients at home or at the office and offers them a completely hassle free car cleaning experience. All kinds of cars are valeted, from Ford or Volkswagen to exclusive cars such as Ferrari, Lamborghini, Rolls Royce and Bentley. To answer the question “How do you clean a car without water?”, the answer is simple. Call Mobile Car Valeting on 637.460.107. So much more than a normal carwash.

AirtechAC FOR THE PERFECT CLIMATE, ALL YEAR ROUND QUALITY HEATING AND AIR-CONDITIONING UNITS AT COMPETITIVE PRICES FULL INSTALLATION SPECIALIST KNOWLEDGE AND COMPLETE SERVICE AND MAINTENANCE RANGE OF SERVICES FOR COMMERCIAL CUSTOMERS. Finca Dorada 5, El Chaparral, Mijas Costa Phone: +34 952 599 019 or +34 607 793 923

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Embarassing moments A lady picked up several items at a discount shop. When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checkout clerk got on the public address system and boomed out for the entire store to hear “Price check on lane seven, Tampax Supersize.” That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word ‘Tampax’ for ‘thumbtacks’. In a very businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system: “Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb, or the kind you belt in with a hammer?” This one happened at a major Australian University. In a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose lev-

els found in semen. A young female raised her hand and asked, “If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in the male semen like in sugar?” “That’'s correct”, responded the professor, going on to add some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn't it taste sweet?” After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said she picked up her books and without a word walked out of the class. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat.”

www.casaalhaurin.com Alhaurin el Grande

Stunning country residence 14,900 m2 plot 400 m2 house. Fully legal. For further details and photos please see:

www.casaalhaurin.com

Excuse the puns Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.” A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a

n ligatio No ob n tio quota

family in Egypt and is named ‘Ahmal’. The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him ‘Juan’. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.” Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

New Showroom La Cala de Mijas

Tailor made furniture packages & make over solutions

Are you struggling for ideas, time or patience for your property? Take the stress out of what should be a wonderful new phase in your life. New or existing properties, we can help you. Call Dilys for a no-obligation quotation, from dressing one window to a whole furniture package. Our showroom is situated between the BP petrol station and the Farmacia, next door to Sr. Nick’s. Tel/Fax: 952 494 155. Dilys: 600 583 673. Juliette: 678 539 365 Web: www.whitedesignco.com. Email: info@whitedesignco.com CLM©2008

BRITISH BUILDING SUPPLIES

Teak & Softwood Decking Cuprinol Woodcare Products Creosote Wall Ties & Wall Starters Marshalltown Brick & Plaster Trowels Coving Joist Hangers Power Tools Fence Panels Patio Seal Kids Playhouses Made To Measure

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Sandi

OPEN FOR BREKFAST, LUNCH AND OUR NEW BAR-CAFE NOW OPEN EVENINGS FOR TAPAS. BREAKFASTS, FRESHLY BAKED BAGUETTES AND CROISSANTS, SANDWICHES AND ROLLS WITH DIFFERENT FILLINGS DAILY. DAILY LUNCHTIME SPECIALS, KEBABS, MEXICAN CHICKEN, SPECIALITY SALADS, LAVAZZA COFFEE, MILKSHAKES, FUSION TEAS, EVENING DRINKS. ENJOY ‘AL FRESCO’ ON OUR SUNNY TERRACE OR INSIDE OUR NEW BAR-CAFE. DAYTIME MENU AVAILABLE UNTIL 5.00PM Local 26 Jardín Botánico, La Cala de Mijas Open from 8.00am. Tel: 952 493 184

HONG KONG CHI ESE RESTAURA T

Takeaway. Fresh Baguettes, Paninis, Pies, Kebabs, Burgers and Pastries. Mon - Sat 11.30 - 15.30 and 18.30 - 22.30 C/Torremolinos, La Cala. Tel: 618 181 507

Numero Uno

SPECIAL LUNCHTIME MENU 12PM - 4PM STARTERS Spring Roll, Special Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn/Tomato/Hot and Sour Soup or Spare Ribs.

MAIN COURSE Beef with Blackbean/Oyster/Chinese Mushroom and Bamboo/Curry or Chicken with Cashew Nuts/Sweet and Sour/Curry or Prawns with Vegetables or Sweet and Sour Fish (Hake)

RICE AND NOODLES Special House Fried Rice, Boiled Rice or Noodles with Soya Bean Sprouts or Chips

DESSERTS By the tower in La Cala. Friendly atmosphere, helpful staff. Internet Wi-Fi Fed Ex. Office services. Open 9.00am - 7.00pm. Tel: 952 58 77 62

Coffee, Tea, Ice Cream, Cream Caramel or Fruit Main restaurant serving usual delicacies 6pm - 12pm

Jardin Botanico, Local 16, La Cala de Mijas. Tel: 952 599 236. Mob: 685 578 743

bars and restaurant guide

Great places to eat and drink in La Cala

COMMERCIAL CATERING EQUIPMENT NEW & SECONDHAND FURNITURE, DESIGNER/BUDGET, INDOOR/OUTDOOR & MODULAR SEATING FULL PROJECT MANAGEMENT EXTRACTION/ REFRIGERATION ITALIAN DESIGNER BARS STAINLESS STEEL FABRICATION

W h a t ’s O n Mondays Quiz and Bingo - Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Film Nights - 9.30pm, Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Tuesdays Quiz Night - 9.30, Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range. Karaoke - Fools bar. El Zoco, Calahonda.

Wednesdays Strictly Come Dancing - Dancing Lessons. 2pm Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Steak Night - 5.30 - 9.45, Bingo and Quiz 10pm. Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Thursdays Steak Night - with Gary Young. Eat as

much as you can for €25 Vista del Mar. Beachside Miraflores. Quiz night - JJ’s Bar, Riviera del So.l Quiz Night - Sussex Bar, La Cala. Karaoke - Fools Bar, El Zoco, Calahonda. Karaoke - Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda.

Fridays Karaoke - “Paul the Bear” Shenanigans, 9.30pm Riviera del Sol. Darts League - Sussex Bar, La Cortijera, La Cala. Live Music - Trafalgar Bar, El Zoco. Fish and Chip Night - The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol. Fish Shop Night - 5.30 - 9.45 Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range. Continued on page 37

Cala Bella

All English and Dutch football and main sporting events shown. Open Mon - Fri 5pm till late. Sat - Sun 2pm till late. Tel: 952 494 550. Calle Torremolinos, La Cala.

Food served 10am -10pm. Sunday Lunch 1pm - 9pm. Thursday quiz night, Friday darts league, Saturdays Karaoke. La Cortijera. La Cala.

(rubber surface) Open from 10am for food monday to saturday

Home made sunday lunches served from 11am-10pm Las Adelfas No.11 Urb. Los Claveles

Tel: 952 493 763

La Cala

great places to eat, drink and be entertained.

Your Entertainment Guide

Tel: 952 932 519 41 & 42, 1ST FLOOR CENTRO COMMERCIAL LOS JARALES, CALAHONDA

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

Harrys Sports Bar

Just

€20 a Telephone:

month

Calypso

663 061 669

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales.

Sit ‘n’ Go

Sisters Bar

Sit ‘n’ Go sports lounge broadcasting all the weekly action in comfortable, friendly surroundings. Open daily from 1pm until midnight. Wi-fi internet access. Frontline C.C.Calypso.

Friendly family bar with good food, tapas, live entertainment, karaoke and sports. Open seven days a week. The Strip, Calahonda Tel: 952 939 579

great places to eat and drink

THURSDAY KARAOKE 8.30pm SATURDAYS CABARET 8.30pm

Calahonda

Los Jarales

Play world famous Texas Holdʼem Poker. From beginners to pros, we have games to suit everyone

Villa Paradiso - Open since 1989

Italian Restaurant Small friendly bar. Daily sport. Karaoke on Tues and Thursday. All football matches shown. First floor El Zoco (corner) Tel: 952 935 340

Italian restaurant. Taste the genuine Italian food in attractive decor. Open seven days a week, 1pm till late. C.C. El Zoco, first floor, Sitio de Calahonda. Tel: 952 932 042

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

Trafalgar Cocktail Bar

Just

€20 a Telephone:

month

663 061 669

For before and after dinner drinks. Live music Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Open every evening until late. El Zoco First floor, Sito de Calahonda. Mijas Costa.

The

BOAT HOUSE Mijas Costa’s Premier Fish and Chips Restaurant and Take Away Excellent Quality Fish and Chips Large portions Enjoy your meal in our large fully air-conditioned restaurant or outside ‘al fresco’ on our large terrace Large selection of desserts OPE EVERY IGHT 6.00 - 10.00 ABOVE SUPERSOL, C.C. EL ZOCO, CALAHO DA

TEL: 952 930 148

great places to eat and drink El Zoco, Calahonda

bars and restaurant guide

Fools Bar

ALL LIVE SPORTS SHOWN ON TWO LARGE SCREENS FOUR LIVE MATCHES ON SATURDAYS FULL MENU AVAILABLE TILL LATE SUNDAY LUNCH 2 COUSES €8 BREAKFAST SPECIAL €5 FRESHLY MADE TAPAS FOR BOOKINGS CALL: 952 935 568 C.C Los Jarales, Mijas Costa

Los Jarales

Sports - Cafe Bar

great places to eat and drink

THE PIT STOP

W h a t ’s O n Fridays cont. Lucky Balls Competition - Vista del Mar, beachside, Riviera de Sol

Saturdays

Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

Elviria

Cabaret - Michelle Allan 9.30pm

MBC Internet Cafe

Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Karaoke - Lil’ Robs, Top floor El Zoco, Calahonda. Traditional Pie, Mash and Liquer during the day, Karaoke in the evening. Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda. Live music - Trafalgar bar, El Zoco, Calahonda. Mixed Grill Night - 5.30 - 9.45 Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Sundays Sunday Lunch - 1 till 6 with Gary Young on vocals, 2 till 5. Vista del Mar.

All day Breakfasts, Lunches + Snacks Fax + Photocopying Mon-Fri 9am - 7:30pm Sat 10am-2pm Marbella Business Centre Elviria Tel 952 850 052

BBQ - 6pm - 9.30 Bingo and Quiz 10.00pm, Bunkers, Miraflores Driving Range.

Want to advertise your events? Call: 663 061 669

Light snacks, baguettes and sandwiches, fresh Lavazza coffee, selection of beers and wines.

NEW WINTER PRICE LIST. Offex pick up point Mobile phone top ups. Internet cafe. Open from 10am - 10pm 7 days a week. Tel: 952 930 844 www.connectinternetcafe.com Top of Riviera del Sol, Las Terrazas de Miraflores. (round the corner from Miraflores supermarket.)

great places to eat, drink and be entertained

Your Entertainment Guide

Cont. from page 33

Things That Make You Go Mmmm Spicy Tomato Soup Ingredients

1 jar of tomato and chilli pasta sauce 1 onion, peeled and roughly chopped 1 clove of garlic, peeled and chopped 1 carrot, peeled and roughly chopped A bunch of fresh coriander leaves picked, stalks finely chopped Olive oil 750g ripe tomatoes 1 ltr chicken or vegetable stock Salt and freshly ground black pepper 4 tbsp crème fraiche Method

1. Put your onion, garlic, carrot and coriander stalks into a large pot with a couple of lugs of olive oil. Cover and

Cockles

cook gently for 10 mins, stirring regularly to prevent colouring. 2. Meanwhile, drop the tomatoes into boiling water for a minute or two. Take them out, run them under the cold tap, then pinch the skins off, discard, and roughly chop the flesh. Add to the pan with the jar of tomato and chilli pasta sauce. Simmer for another 20 mins with the lid on. 3. Whiz your soup in a blender, then pour it back in the pan and season well. Serve with a good spoonful of crème fraiche in each bowl, a sprinkling of coriander leaves.

Win a meal for 2

English Seafood Tapas Bar

Fuengirola

Fuengirola Port

Vista del Mar are offering Costa Link readers the chance to win a meal for two up to the value of €50 at their fantastic restaurant, situated at Beachside Miraflores.

Everything Direct from Billingsgate Market London EAT IN OR TAKE AWAY

Pie, Mash and Liquer Jellied Eels Dressed Crab Whelks Peeled Prawns and much more...

Parties catered for Tel: 672 028 226

Open Tues - Sun 11am - 7pm

To win all you have to do is answer the following question: What happens on ‘Lucky Ball Night’ at Vista del Mar? Email your answer to: info@costalinkmagazine.com Call or text : 663 061 669

Restaurant and Take Away Open 7 nights a week 6.00 - 12.00

Tel: 902 463 426 IND IAN

Come and enjoy the delightful ambience of this fine Indian restaurant situated in the Torrenueva Urbanisation, Near La Cala. With our premier Indian chef preparing cuisine from all different regions of India whilst also cooking his own specialties. For example: Kadhai Goshi Bussainy - Pieces of lamb in a mild sauce Handi - Meat or fish with onion, tomato, peppers and a special spicy sauce Chicken Pasanda - Marinated chicken fillets in mild sauce stuffed with spices.

Golden Sun

CHARLEY’S BAR & RESTAURANT

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only €6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Papa Luigi

Traditional Italian food. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT SUNDAY ROAST 12pm - 9pm TAKEAWAY AVAILABLE OPEN EVERYDAY 10am - TILL LATE HAPPY HOUR 3pm- 8pm EVERYDAY BREAKFAST & LUNCH MENUS SPECIALS OF THE DAY SUNNY TERRACE & SEA VIEWS For reservations and takeaway orders:

Tel: 615 315 605 1st Floor Riviera Commercial (near the chemists), Riviera del Sol, Mijas Costa.

bars and restaurant guide

Great places to eat and drink in Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

Family Bar Internet Quizzes and Karaoke Live Entertainment Pool Tables Games Machines Open for Food Closed Tuesdays Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 676

JJ’s Bar

Bunkers Bar Bistro

RIVIERA DEL SOL Breakfast, brunches and evening dinner. Open 7 days a week from 10am. Internet connection. Terrace available for private functions. Miraflores Driving Range. Tel: 952 939 381

En Un Rincon De La Boca

SMALL COSY BAR WITH LARGE SUNNY TERRACE AND FANTASTIC VIEWS OVER THE MED. LIVE SPORT FUN QUIZ NIGHTS - THURS MUSIC NIGHTS Avenida del Golf

Specialists in Argentinian grilled meat. Take away. Open daily 10.00 - 23.00. Closed Tuesdays. Las Terrazas de Miraflores Tel: 952 930 649

Riviera del sol JJ’s Bar

Great places to eat and drink in Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

Beautiful Panoramic Sea and Beach Views From The Terrace Freshly Cooked Versatile Menu. Warm Friendly Atmosphere. ‘Winter Early Bird’ Teas. Above Shenanigans, Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 039. Closed Tuesdays.

bars and restaurant guide

Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 78

Quick Crossword Across

1.Perspicacious (9) 6.Egg-shaped object (5) 7.Vacuous (5) 9.The night before (3) 10.Display of bad temper (7) 11.Get (7) 14.Large antelope (3) 16.Musical drama

(5) 17.Melodies (5) 18.Rife (9) Down 1.Range (5) 2.Monstrous (9) 3.Trainee (5) 4.Vegetable (5) 5.Cherished desire (5) 8.Hubris (9) 11.Fragrance (5) 12.Picture (5) 13.Minor actor in a crowd scene (5) 15.Distressed (5)

Each day I appear to lie at your feet, All day I will follow no matter how fast you run, Yet I nearly perish in the midday sun. What am I?

Word Ladders

Sudoku

CHASE CLUES:

A word ladder is a sequence of DISCONTINUE words formed by changing just one letter each CHARTER time eg CAT COT - DOT LEAD DOG. Can you find the missing words? PERCOLATE Use the clues if you get stuck.

FRUIT

ROOST SEAR MEND

CATCH 44

I can be long, or I can be short, I can be grown or I can be brought, I can be painted or I can be left bare, I can be round or I can be square, What am I?

Say What You See...

DEEF

ECABT

to sponsor this page please call: 663 061 669

What ’s New Signdsign

Get your business or event noticed with a five meter high inflatable air dancer now available at signdsign in Fuengirola. There are hundreds of themes to choose from with your own message or company logo added. You can even have your own custom shape made. They are available to buy or rent from as little as €3 a day and they inflate/deflate in seconds. To find out more call: 951 261 022. Charleys Bar Now under new management, newly refurbished Charleys bar in Riviera del Sol is open daily offering a wide menu

choice and a two course Sunday roast for just €10. You can find them on the first floor of Riviera commercial near the chemists in Riviera del Sol or call 615 315 605. Videonet Videonet in La Cala de Mijas, our new sponsors of the reviews page are offering the first DVD rental free to new members when you mention Costa Link Magazine. They have all the latest releases available and you can find them at Bulevard de La Cala 16, behind Supersol or call: 952 49 39 49 Costa Rent Costa Rent car hire in Mabella are offering long term car rental from as little as €295. For details call: 606 293 006.

F o ru m HAIR & BEAUTY SPA 5 STAR SPECIAL

Specialists in timber decking, pergola’s and gazebo’s.

Aromatics facial, back and shoulder massage, eyelash tint, brow shape, shampoo and blow dry. Only 80 euros. TOP TO TOE

Spa pedicure, Spa manicure, nail paint, shampoo and blow dry. - 55 euros GOLDEN TAN

Face & body exfoliation, all over spray tan, shampoo and blow dry. - 40 euros

Increase your living space and improve your lifestyle. For more information or a free quotation please contact:

BRIGHT EYES

Eyelash extensions, eyelash tint, eyebrow shape and tint. -38 euros Dr. Grays next visits for Botox and Collagen are November 4th and December 2nd.

Email: info@ecodeckspain.com

www.ecodeckspain.com

Tel: 952 887 700 Mob: 679 975 683

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Edificio Calasol, Local B 13. La Cala de Mijas, Mijas Costa

London Barber FUENGIROLA PORT GENTS HAIRDRESSER NOW INCORPORATING

LONDON HAIR UNISEX HAIRDRESSERS

CUT & STYLING COLOURS - NAILS PERMS - TREATMENTS OUT OF HOURS APPOINTMENTS

For all you cards, wrapping and gifts in La Cala... Gorgeous greeting cards for all occasions Unusual giftware Helium balloons and partyware Fantastic prices, Great quality Retail and wholesale available

Come and see for yourself Open Monday - Friday 9am - 8pm Saturday 9am - 3pm

Tel/Fax: 952 587 549 Three shops away from the Tabac (tobacconist)

get your kids business seen by the ones that matter. call: 663 061 669

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Premium Quality American Spas A Spa for every size and budget Large showroom and warehouse in Estepona. Spas available for immediate delivery Outstandingly keen prices

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Soon coming to Spain

BOAT OWNERS

Antifoul removal Graffiti removal Swimming pool coating removal Timber restoration etc. Also airless spraying for larger areas This system uses no chemicals and is non toxic Low dust levels and is a totally self contained and mobile unit.

UK: 07717 085 839 Spain: 693 105 803

Email: litefabs@aol.com

A secure rental site is required for this unit and possible employment for someone with suitable experience. Please email with details.

HAVE YOU OVER DONE IT THIS CHRISTMAS? Colonic Irrigation Weight Loss, IBS & Constipation, Boosts Immune System, Removes Toxins

Electro Lymph Therapy Arthritus, Swelling, Cellulite, Breathing Problems

Food Intolerance/Allergy Test 120+ foods, Vitamins & Minerals, Toxicity Test Telephone in January to book a course of colonics & receive a free Electro Lymphatic Therapy worth 50 euros

a utri-Cleanse. San Pedro - Marbella

www.nutri-cleanse.com nutri-cleanse@hotmail.co.uk

Clinic: 952 853 838 Mobile: 628 298 201

Varsha Hair, Nails & Beauty Paul Mitchel - Crystal Clear - Guinot

Manicures & Pedicures Fibre/Gel/Acrylic Reflexology - Massage Spray Tanning - Sunbed Power Plate, - THE PRE-

MIUM VIBRATION EXERCISE MACHINE NOW AVAILABLE

Urb. Jardines Atalaya (Isdabe)Ctra. Cadiz Km 168, Estepona

952 897 907 608 364 712

Credit Crunch Busting Advertising Advertise on our online Business Directory for a one off payment of only €49 Tel: 663 061 669 or email: info@costalinkmagazine.com

Please mention Costa Link when responding to adverts Thank you

Golf Tips And Tricks Will improving your putter improve your putting? by Mark Sibley of Miraflores Golf Academy First is this just a bad spot in your putting average that’s attracting you towards the state of the art piece of equipment in the pro shop window just like the one Tiger Woods uses or is your putter right for you? There are so many different putters available to all golfers, the one in your bag could be that expensive one that was successful in the professional game last year but never felt right for you, but you kept it in the bag anyway. Or that really old and impossible to replace putter from your first set of clubs that you just can’t get rid of because you remember the days when you never missed a putt with it. The most talked about club, which the golfer has no problem with spending enormous amounts of money on, is the driver that he or she will use only 12 times in every round. While the putter used maybe 30 - 50 times a round is overlooked. What should you look for? 1.Balance - if the shaft of the club is balanced with the centre of the club it will help with the swing making it easier to swing backwards and forwards along a straight line. 2.Face Loft - some putters have faces with very slight lofts thought to induce a top-spin on the ball causing it to have a better roll towards the hole. 3.Length - most putters are between 34 and 35 inches long with ladies preferring a slightly shorter length 33 - 34 inches, some golfers prefer shorter putters feeling it gives them greater control and feel over the putting stroke. 4.Grip - there are many types of different putter grip. You should try more than one when searching for a putter to improve your game. When you buy a putter look at the points mentioned above or if your putter just does not feel right come to me at Miraflores and

MARK SIBLEY

PGA GOLF PROFESSIONAL

UK QUALIFIED 15 YEARS OF COACHING EXPERIENCE LESSONS FOR ALL LEVELS OF GOLFER BEGINNER TO PLAYING PROFESSIONAL LESSON PACKAGES AVAILABLE NOW BASED AT THE MIRAFLORES GOLF ACADEMY NOW WITH FULLY STOCKED PROFESSIONAL SHOP MIRAFLORES DRIVING RANGE & GOLF ACADEMY. S/N RIVIERA DEL SOL, 29649 MIJAS COSTA. TEL: 952 933 729 OR 678 833 736

Golf Academy I can adjust it for you. My last point, before you come to me with a putter to be adjusted or head to the professional shop with a good excuse to spend on a new one, are the figures below. These are percentages of putts sunk from a selection of distances by professional golfers, the men who drive for show and putt for doe, because it just might be your putter is working, its your approach play that needs looking at. DISTANCE

PUTTS IN

5 FEET 10 FEET 15 FEET 20 FEET 25 FEET 30 FEET 35 FEET 40 FEET 45 FEET

45-65% 15-30% 10-22% 6-16% 4-13% 3-9% 2-7% 1-6% 0-5%

www.costalinkmagazine.com

Paint and Repair Garage SCRATCHES BUMPER SCUFFS CHIPS DENTS CRASH REPAIRS INSURANCE REPAIRS FULL CAR RESPRAY WINDSCREENS TINTED WINDOWS

Tel: 952 49 93 05 Mob: 653 10 71 86

S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you this month... This month is a strong one to start the year off just right for Capricorns! January is excellent for personal popularity and influence, as well as getting personal initiaCapricorn tives off the ground. It's also a great month for resolving sticky problems from the past.

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

It's okay to wake up on the 1st and make a whole bunch of plans for the year. From booking that holiday to finally starting that new business. All these plans are great, but take things one at a time this year and you'll accomplish it all before the year is up. Your New Year could not get off to a better start, beginning with the stroke of midnight on the 1st. There are a lot of important things happening both around and within you kicking off a year in which branching out figures strongly and brings you much happiness! There's no point in dragging yourself out of bed too early on the 1st - the year gets off to a slow start. If you want to accomplish a lot, you'll be frustrated, so just give in and go with the flow. Tap into your dreams and let some vague projects for the future slowly take shape. On the 1st and 2nd, you're dreaming big. You're coming up with big plans and grand ideas, viewing the world in a whole new way and imagining it as a whole different place. Stick to these dreams this year and you'll see them become a reality - so dream on! You're ready to talk about your plans, if not quite ready to start enacting them at the beginning of the month but by the 7th you'll really get into the swing of things. You’ll have a ton of energy, so channel it wisely and you'll be well on your way to success.

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Your New Year gets off to a very 'new energy' kind of start on the 1st. You feel fresh, hopeful and strong - ready to take on the world, and you will! On the 5th and 6th, the crazier your concept, the bigger its chances for success, so go wild! January is a month of work, reorganization and attention to health regimes for you Leos. It’s an enjoyable period and you’ll find confidence from feeling that you are on top of the ‘little things’ in your life. Turning a hobby into a profit is also possible this month. January begins a trend that continues through 2009. Virgos are learning to let their hair down and have some serious fun this year! Getting your life completely on track continues to be a strong theme, but you are able to find a healthy balance between work and play. A total transformation of your personal life is in the works in 2009 and the stage is being set in January. Pleasant communications, including emails and letters figure this month and help you to make new connections which will figure strongly in the year ahead. The sky is the limit as far as your imagination is concerned. If your thoughts wander in the direction of what you want to see happen for yourself this year, let them. Your innate creativity could show you a few very remarkable possibilities for the year ahead.

A year-long trend towards a greater abundance of personal income and possessions starts this month. Concentrating on how to improve your cash flow brings Sagittarius great ideas and solid strategies that will help kick the New Year off in the right direction.

Dulux SUPER SALE ON Clearance Stock Free roller and tray

TILE SHOWROOM AND WAREHOUSE

KITCHENS APPLIANCES BATHROOMS

Paint 5 litres colour from €17 20 litres: White from €40 Colours from €50

MARBLE GRANITE PAINT TILES ADHESIVES

Office: 951 275 257 Ralph: 619 412 288 Gill: 667 513 977

Calle Bilbao No. 4. San Pedro de Alcantara Email: hardrocktiles@hotmail.com

SATELLITE INSTALLATIONS SATELLITE, COMMUNITY, SURROUND SYSTEMS ETC. INSTALLED AND MAINTAINED T.V, VIDEO AND ELECTRONIC REPAIRS IN HOUSE. MOBILE PHONE SALES, SIMMS, TOP-UPS AND CALLING CARDS. WIRELESS INTERNET AND HOTSPOT

LOCAL 10, DOÑA LOLA, OPP. EL ZOCO (CALAHONDA) TEL: 952 93 91 98 MOB: 607 383 578 EMAIL: reeceelectronics@ya.com

Patio doors secured, Safes opened and fitted, Locks upgraded, Changed key holding. Fully registered. Credit cards now taken. Call Bob and Debbie on:

952 660 233 - 667 668 685

THE E GLISH

PIE SHOP

Sausage Rolls, Scotch Eggs, Pasties, Pies, Crumbles, Quiches, Fruit Pies, Wraps and Hot and Cold Rolls made to order with Fresh Beef or Roast Ham, Vegetarian Pies. OUTSIDE CATERING AVAILABLE FOR WEDDINGS, PARTIES AND FUNCTIONS. Local 16B C.C. Calypso Calahonda Tel: 619 522 331

OPENING TIMES MONDAY - FRIDAY 10.00 - 16.00 SAT 10.00 - 14.00

Celebrations Marbella Professional Party Planning Theme Generation - Venue Sourcing Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Parties - Entertainment Work Functions - Team Building Gala Dinners - Birthday Parties Weddings - Anniversaries For further Information call today +34 670 526 561 / +34 666 584 132 celebrationsmarbella@hotmail.com www.freewebs.com/celebrationsmarbella

Unforgettable Vibrant Special Extraordinary

LIVE Many people did actually hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney, Australia. It’s pretty long but bear with it...it’s worth it! The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called ‘Mate Match’. The DJ calls someone at work and asks if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers “yes”, he or she is then asked three random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly they both win the prize. DJ: “Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of ‘Mate Match’?” Contestant: “Yes, I have.” DJ: “Great! Then you know we're giving

away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name?” Contestant: “Brian.” DJ: “Brian, are you married?” Brian: “Yes, I am married.” DJ: “Thank you. Now, what is your wife's first name and is she at work?” Brian: “Sarah, and yes, she’s at work.” DJ: “Ok, first question - when was the last time you had sex?” Brian: “About 8 o'clock this morning.” DJ: “Question 2 - How long did it last?” Brian: “About 10 minutes."” DJ: “Okay. Third and final question. Where did you have sex this morning?” Brian: “On the kitchen table.” DJ: “Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.” 3 minutes of commercials follow. Continued overleaf...

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Corporate Entertainment • Wedding Receptions Clubs & Associations • Product Launches • Dinner Dances • Private Parties • Fundraising • Grand Openings • Exhibitions • Christmas Parties

LIVE DJ: “Okay audience, let’s call Sarah, shall we?” (ringing noise and then phone is answered...) DJ: “Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?” Clerk: “This is she.” DJ: “Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now, and I've been talking with Brian.” DJ: “He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo...do you know the rules of ‘Mate Match’?” Sarah: “Yes, (laughing) I do” DJ: “Now, I will ask you three questions Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for five days on us. Alright. First question. When did you last have sex, Sarah?”

Sarah: “Oh God, uh...this morning before Brian went to work. Around 8 o’clock." DJ: “Very good. Next question. How long did it last?” Sarah: “12, 15 minutes maybe.” DJ: “Hmmm. That’s close enough. I’m sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We’ve got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready? Where did you have it?” Sarah: “OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?” Brian: “Just tell him, honey. I already did.” Sarah: “Well...” DJ: “Come on Sarah...where did you have it?” Sarah: “Up the @r*e...” After a long pause, the DJ said, “Folks, we need to take a commercial break.”

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The dangers of illegal downloads There are a lot of sites online spouting promises of free music files from some huge artists, don't be fooled, the golden rule stands, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably has a catch. Remember once you download a file onto your computer, there's no telling what it might be up to, you need to be careful, not only of the law, but also that you are cautious of any of these ‘great deals’ on free music. Illegal downloading and file sharing can leave you open to security breaches, viruses and other netborne nasties - there's also the massive fines and jail time to consider. Illegal music downloading actually harms you as a consumer. Many people may try and justify their flagrant illegal internet use as the little guy fighting the huge corporate bodies, but in actual fact it is not only the countless artists, musicians, writers, engineers and others in the music business that suffer harm, but also you the consumer.

Using bit-torrent programs such as lime wire usually means you’re downloading music illegally and these programs tend to be the ones that contain vicious spyware, malware or other irritating tracking devices that bury themselves in your computers registry unknown to you. Parents should speak to their kids about Peer to Peer (P2P) file sharing to ensure they know the dangers of illegal music sharing, as many may be under the false impression there is no illegality involved. The newest legislation is attempting to have users who download music illegally banned from the Internet. Their ISP (Internet Service Provider) will be required to give them a ‘three strikes and you're out’ policy and if they don't adhere to this, they are banned from Internet usage. For further information on wireless broadband connection please call our office on 952932266 or email info@Y-Internet.com

Strange but true... Laws of the World...

It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon. Under the UK’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know, though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.

In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.

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T he Jokes page

page

A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying from copies, not the original books. The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk said, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” The head monk takes a copy and goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years to check the original. Hours go by and nobody has seen the old abbot, so the young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him. He heard a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and found the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying and banging his head against the desk. “Whatever is wrong?” asks the young monk. “We missed the ‘R’!, we missed the ‘R’!” replied the abott in a choking voice “The word is ‘celebrate,’ not ‘celibate’!!”

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The parents stop and his mum quickly dismounts, pulling the covers around her. “What were you and dad doing?” the boy asks his mum. “Well, your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it,” she explains. “You’re wasting your time,” says the boy. “When you go shopping the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it right back up.” The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. “Grumpy, my son,” says the Pope, “What can I do for you?” Grumpy asks, “Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?” The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, “No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.” In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them. Grumpy turns back, “Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?” The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, “No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.” This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Grumpy turns back and says, “Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?” The Pope, really confused by the questions says, “I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.” The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting...”Grumpy shagged a penguin!”

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Cockney Translations ASSA COMMONS - Our Parliament Building. ART ATTACK - Extremely perturbed, as in “Don't tell Sharon, She'll have an art attack.” ARST - Past tense of ask. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room.” BANNSA - A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club. “Dave's got izself a job as a bannsa.” CANCEL - Administrative body of a town. “Darren, wive ad annuvva letter from the cancel.” CORT A PANDA - A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda) DAN TO URF - Sensible, practical. DANSTEZ - On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.

DREKKUN - Do you consider? as in “Which dog drekkun'll win the next race?” EFTY - Considerable. “Ere, Trace, this credit card bill’s a bit efty.” ERZ - Belonging to her. EVVY - A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer, usually for money. “My name's Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles.” FANTIN - A jet of water for drinking or ornament. FARVA - A posh way of saying Dad. FATCHA - Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 - 1990. FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. “I ad it off wiv fingy last night.” Continued. overleaf...

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Cockney Translations FOR CRYIN AT LAAD - Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. e.g “For cryin at lad, Britney, if I say yes will you give it a rest?” GAWON - Go on. “Gawon Darren, eat ya granny's cabbage, it'll do yer good.” GIVE IT LARJ - To be thorough or enthusiastic. IBEEFA - The Spanish holiday island.

jacks, wilya?” JAFTA - Is it really necessary? “Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?” LAD - Noisy. “Jordan, turn that music dan, it's too lad.” LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal. LOTREE - Costs £1 for a ticket. MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park.

IFFY - Dubious. “Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last munf's a bit iffy.”

MAFFS - The study of numbers. MANOR - Local area.

IPS - An unknown area of a woman's body to which chocolate travels. “That Mars Bar will go straight to me ips.”

NARTAMEAN - Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean).

JA - Do you, did you. “Ja like me new airdo, Sharon?”

NES - National Elf Service.

JACKS - Five Pound note. “Lend us a

PANS AN ANNSIS - Imperial weight system.

NEEVA - Not one nor the other. PACIFIC - Specific.

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SKI TRIPS TO SIERRA NEVADA SEVILLE, RONDA AND GRANADA GOLFING EXCURSIONS FUN AND SUN IN TARIFA

New Year Offer 1/4 page adverts for just €35 a month when you book for 3 months or more. Tel: 663 061 669 70

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MRS CHIPPY

TRADITIONAL FISH & CHIP SHOP IN ALHAURIN EL GRANDE (OPP. MERCADONA) PROPER CHIP SHOP CHIPS €5 MENU - FISH & CHIPS, ANY PIE & CHIPS, ZINGER BURGER & CHIPS, KEBAB & CHIPS €1 MENU - INC. SAUSAGES , FISHCAKES, PEAS ETC. OPENING HOURS :lUNCHTIMES: tUES -SAT 12.30-2.30 EVENINGS: MON-SAT 17.30 -22.00. TAKE AWAY OR EAT IN. TELEPHONE ORDERS WELCOME JUST RING: 666 954 434

Is Your Advertising Budget Due For Renewal? Why not advertise in a magazine you can afford to be seen in all year round? We are currently offering some very attractive deals on long term advertising rates.

costa link magazine

Tel: 663 061 669 72

Tel: 952 931 877 E-mail: leads@marlinglobal.com www.marlinglobal.com LONG TERM RENTALS

We have clients waiting for rentals.

€1,800 MGLT 6502 Spectacular 3 bed house is furnished to very high standard inc. plasmas in most rooms. Fantastic views. Features include: large terrace, small private garden leading directly to pool.

€1,050 MGLT 6500 Very well furnished townhouse with private garage situated close to the golf at Miraflores. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge dining with fireplace. Private and communal gardens with communal pool.

From €650 MGLT 6503 A selection of 2 and 3 bed townhouses both furnished and unfurnished located close to the Hippodromo. A/C, large roof terrace, Jacuzzi on the lower terrace.

€700 MGLT 0234 Modern 2 bedroom, 2 bathrooms apartment, with large terrace overlooking the pool, A/C marble floors, luxury kitchen, hydro massage bath and panoramic lifts. Fully furnished, close to Miraflores Golf Course

€2,200 MGLT 0380 Detached villa in El Coto Lounge/games room, 4 bedrooms 3 ensuite 4th full bathroom. Store room. Guest toilet. Huge kitchen/diner. Large terraced area, private pool and 2 car garage.

€850 MGLT 0702 Ground floor apartment right on the golf at La Cala. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, terrace with communal gardens, swimming pools, paddle tennis. underground parking and store room.

Marbessa, 2 bed apartment - €850 Carvajal, 3 bed townhouse - €850 Torremuelle, 4 bed house - €1250 Chaperal, 4 bed house - €1200 Calypso, studio apartment- €500 Doña Lola, studio apartment - €550 Calahonda, 4 bed villa - €2000

Calahonda, 3 bed apartment - €650 Calahonda, 3 bed townhouse - €950 Riviera, 2 bed townhouse - €850 Chaperal, 4 bed house - €1200 Calahonda beachside - €600 Miraflores, 1 bed apartment - €500 Miraflores, 2 bed apartment - €650

Long term rentals in all areas Extensive range of holiday rental property Full management specialists

FOR OUR FULL RANGE OF PROPERTIES PLEASE CONTACT US

Tel: 952 931 877

E-mail: leads@marlinglobal.com

www.marlinglobal.com

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On DVD - available at Videonet, La Cala Make It Happen - Mary Elizabeth Winstead stars as Lauryn, a young girl who embarks on a life changing journey to Chicago in order to chase her dream to become a dancer. When her plans veer off track, she find herself discovering a whole new style of dance, working at a Burlesque club. Filled with fantastic dance routines, the film details Lauryn's voyage of discovery, as she discovers a whole new side of her self, while still holding on to her dreams. Rocknrolla - Director Guy Ritchie presents Rocknrolla a dramatic crime thriller. When a Russian mobster orchestrates a crooked land deal, millions of dollars are up for grabs, and all of London's

criminal underworld wants in on the action. Everyone from a dangerous crime lord to a sexy accountant, a corrupt politician and down-on-their-luck petty thieves conspire, collude and collide with one another in an effort to get rich quick. Tropic Thunder - Written and directed by Ben Stiller and featuring a host of stars including Robert Downey Jr, Jack Black, Nick Nolte and Steve Coogan Tropic Thunder is an action packed comedy not to be missed! A group of well-known successful actors are cast in the biggest, most expensive war movie ever produced! After filming begins, the director has a change of heart and throws the actors into real-life combat and they are forced to become the fighting unit they're portraying. Will they make it out of the jungle in one piece?

ocal Info Emergency Numbers Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

Transport

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

(Marina)

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 1st January - New Years Day -public holiday. 5th January - Three Kings Procession. (Fiesta de los Reyes) The three Kings present Christmas presents to the children in various villages and towns. Processions usually held in the evenings with floats and sweets thrown out to the children. 17th January - Local holiday in Alhaurin el Grande and Malaga. 25th January - Burns night.

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ThelReviews c osta ink directory Advertise Your business here for just €65 for 12 issues -that’s just over 5 a month!!! or have it framed for only €99! MPA Homes Baby Boutique>> Computer Repairs & Sales Builders M & MH Builders 30 years experience, reforms, new builds, kitchens, hard landscaping & pools. Tel: 952 457 977 or 615 309 446 JCB Builders Property Maintenance Multi Services, All jobs considered Repairs and Improvements Pool Cleaning Service Free Estimates and Advice All Areas Covered. Fully Legal Tel Jonno: 677 079 704(Day) 952 882 305(Eve)

Building Supplies Aim Building Supplies Las Chapas Poligono, Elviria, Marbella. Tel: 952 835 172

Car Traders Alhaurin Autos Cars bought and sold. LHD and RHD. Alhaurin el Grande. Tel: 661 964 014

Cleaning ‘We Care to Clean and We Clean to Care’ for your domestic property. Daily/Weekly cleans, Spring cleans, ‘One offs’, Moving house cleans and End of tenancy cleans. Contact Karen: 677 553 647 karencox@live.co.uk

Mintmicro S.L. Computer Shop Alhaurin el Grande, for Inks, Sales - Repairs & Upgrades.Virus & Spyware Removal Open 10 - 6 Mon - Friday No Siesta. Saturday 10 - 2 Tel: 952 596 346 or Skype: mintmicro.support Email: info@mintmicro.es

Electrician 16th Edition BS7671 qualified, Apprentice trained, 21 years experience. Rewires, extra sockets, lights, fault finding etc. Pay as you go electric meters supplied and fitted, ideal for holiday lets, aircon etc. Ian: 650 151 569

Estate & Rental

Junto Farmacia, Local 5, Urb. Calypso, 29649 Mijas Costa, Malaga Tel: 952 933 534

Fish and Aquariums The Fish Factory Tropical and fresh water fish, pond and tank maintenance, funky aquariums. Cancelada Pueblo. Tel: 952 884 953

Fish and Chip Shop The Boat House El Zoco Calahonda. Mijas Costa’s premier Fish & Chip Restaurant and takeaway. The best Fish & Chips on the Coast. Tel: 952930148 Open 7 nights a week

Game Room Game Room Marbella Tel: 952 806 178

Glass Curtains

Kingfisher Club

Elite Glass Curtains.

Holiday rentals. Self catering holiday rentals suitable for families. Kingfisher Club, Edificio Benal Beach, Ctra. de Cadiz km 221, 29630, Benalmadena Costa. Tel: (0034) 952 440 659 Email: kingfisherclub@ctv.es www.thekingfisherclub.com

Poligono Elviria 26 Elviria, 29600. Tel: 952 830 503

Hairdressers Inspirations Urb. Calypso. Tel: 951 273 218

Hair Magic Urb. Calypso Tel: 952 931 777

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c osta l ink directory Internet

Painters

Y-Internet.com Y-Internet.com Broadband internet & teleBroadband internet &

phone service provider for telephone service provider residents, communities & for residents, communities holidaymakers. & holidaymakers. Tel: 952932266 or visit our Tel: 952932266 or visit our website www.y-internet.com website: www.y-internet.com for more information for more information

Kitchens Kitchens & Beyond Kitchens, bedrooms and studies. Free design and consultation. Tel: 952 88 65 55

Ladies Fashion The Ladys Shop Ladies clothing, footwear and designer hand bags. La Cala. Tel: 952 493 455

Lawyers VELASCO Y BALBÁS ABOGADOS Conveyancing Rentals Debt Collection Inheritance and Wills Insurances Litigation. Tel: 952 808 477 Fax: 952 808 724 Avd. España 220, 3ºC, 29680, Estepona.

info@vbabogados.com

Marble Floor Polishing NON-SLIP, LASTING SHINE, NO MESS OR DUST. SPECTACULAR RESTORATIONS. FULL GRINDING SERVICE TEL: 608 455 104 BLITZ OF ELVIRIA

Professional painting. Interior and exterior and decorative painting. www.artdecoxxiplus.com Tel: 667 235 741 after 3p.m.

Parking Space Barriers Myparkingspace.com Fully lockable parking prevention system. perfect for communal parking areas. Only €99 with free delivery. Tel: 678 43 00 92 myparkingspace@gmail.com

Satellite TV GB TV Sky installation within 24 hours. Sky cards, re-alignments and activations Tel: 658 084 802 or 658 084 806.

Security Fortress Security All steelwork. Grills, gates, fences, balconies, garage doors. Tel: 952 931 128

Dragon Security Systems

Perfectos Pools

Concept smoke screen system, CCTV, Intruder alarm systems and more. Tel: 670 954 409

Spas, pools, chemicals, and poolside furniture Tel: 952 417 562

Hard Rock

Pools and Spas

Spas 4 You Premium quality American spas for every size and budget. Tel: 902 88 11 02

Printing & Signage Eyeprint Business cards, flyers, signage, display stands. Tel: 951 310 395 or 952 906 121

Removals The Depot International and local removal specialists. Pol. Ind San Pedro, Marbella. Tel: 952 450 487

Please let our advertisers know you found them in Costa Link Magazine

Tile Warehouse Tile showroom and warehouse. Kitchens and appliances, bathrooms, marble, granite and paint. Tel: 951 275 257

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