Costa link Magazine April 09 by paulsnooks

Costa lInk magazine

COVERING COSTA DEL SOL - INCLUDING FUENGIROLA, LA CALA, CALAHONDA, ELVIRIA, MARBELLA, PUERTO BANUS, SAN PEDRO, ESTEPONA, LA DUQUESA AND SOTOGRANDE.

APRIL 2009 NO.25

Jokes tion

di y E a d h Birt d n 2

Puzzles Local Info Bar & Restaurant Guide Kids Page What’s On Guide Business Directory

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ALHAURIN AUTOS Alhaurin

With over 15 years experience in the UK, we at Alhaurin Autos know how to look after our customers. We will take part exchanges of either English or Spanish vehicles. We even give you cash back if you wish to trade down to a smaller car. We have a fully qualified gestor and will take care of all the legalities for you. Can’t get to see us? No problem, we’ll bring the car to you. Servicing and repairs at competative prices 3, 6 and 12 month warranties available.

Autos

SMART ForFour Pulse 1.5 CDI (Mercedes engine) 2007, PAS, E/W, C/L, full service history.

MITSUBISHI GALLOPER 2.5 TD, 7 seats, 2002, only 50,000km, 1 owner, PAS, A/C, CD, FSH.

MERCEDES E320 CDI Avantguard estate auto.2000, PAS, A/C, CD, Tow bar, Immaculate inside and out.

MERCEDES E300 TD AMG, 3.0L DIESEL. AUTO, 1998, Black leather, A/C, Fully serviced.

BMW 318i CABRIO, PAS, Leather interior, LHD, UK plates, cheap summer fun!

CITROEN C3, semi auto, 2003. PAS, A/C, CD, FSH. Changes from cabriolet to pick up.

OPEL ZAFIRA 5 door, 2lt DTI, manual. 2003, 7 seats PAS, A/C,E/W, C/L, CD, 12 month warranty.

AUDIS, CHOICE OF TWO 1.8 Turbo with black leather, PAS, A/C. 2.8 Quattro Auto, PAS, A/C, 4WD.

RENAULT ESPACE INITALE LTD ED. 2001 FULLY LOADED HALF LEATHER, 7 SEATS, C/L, VGC.

BMW 316 Ti Coupe, manual. 2005 PAS, E/W, CD, 17" M-Tech alloys new I.T.V., Must be seen.

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LEFT HAND DRIVE PEUGEOT 206, 1.4, 2004, on Spanish plates CITROEN PICASSO 2 LTR DIESEL, PAS, AC, CD, 2000. FORD ESCORT 1.8, PAS, A/C, Long I.T.V. BMW 850 I, 1990, PAS, A/C, FSH, leather interior, long I.T.V. PEUGEOT PARTNER 1.9 TD. 2004 PAS 5 seats and Side doors. 45.000kms, lovely example. FORD FOCUS SALOON, four door, 1.6 Zetec manual. 2001, PAS, A/C ,E/W ,C/L ,radio, FSH. VW GOLF, 1.9 TDi, PAS, A/C, Long I.T.V., 1996 SEAT IBIZA, 1.4 petrol, PAS, A/C, CD, New I.T.V. MERCEDES E300 TD. AMG, AUTO, PAS, A/C, Leather, Electric pack MERCEDES E200 Auto, TD, 1993, PAS, bargain CITROEN XANTIA, 1.9 TDi, 1997, PAS, A/C, Just serviced. RIGHT HAND DRIVE FORD MAVERICK 4x4 petrol, 1997, A/C, PAS, CD DEL BOYS TROTTER INDEPENDENT TRADING VAN, As seen on TV, No plonkers. FIAT ULYSEE, 2LT., JTD, Diesel, PAS, A/C, CD, 7 seats, 2000. LDV SHERPA 1998, diesel. 4 WHEEL DRIVE & QUADS SSAYONG REXTON, 2.9 CRDI, Diesel, Auto, 2007, PAS, A/C, CD, Immaculate, 2 years warranty. SUZUKI VITARA, 2.0L petrol, soft top, PAS, CD, Alloys, FSH, Immaculate. NISSAN TERRANO, 2.7 TDi II, SWB, AUTOMATIC, PAS, A/C, CD. QUAD, Campo. 500 Polaris.

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Website: www.costalinkmagazine.com Deposito Legal: MA-228-2007

Welcome to the April edition of Costa Link magazi ne and we are celebrating our second year anniversary! Yes, two years on Costa Link is still bringing a smile to readers up and down the coast. Our hard work and perserverance (some might say stubborness and pig headedness) is paying off and we have the biggest ever edition for you to enjoy! So here’s a big thank you to all our readers and advertisers for your continued support and a ‘cheers’ to many more succesful and enjoyable years to come.

Also this month it is April Fools day, so be extra wary on the 1st, there’s always one smarty pants about that thinks that clingfilming the toilet seat is a Deadline Date: 15th of each great gag, (oh yeah that was me last year!) And just month. as we lost the extra pounds gained at Christmas, No part of this publication, including Easter comes along to throw yet another spanner pictures may be copied, SCANNED, into our ‘healthy eating plan’. Easter this year falls used or reproduced without our prior on the 10th with Good Friday and the 12th with written consent. Costa Link Magazine accepts no responsi- Easter Sunday. Watch out for processions in your bility for alterations to events listed, claims area during the week of Semana Santa.

Advertising Sales: 663 061 669

made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors.

Enjoy this months issue and remember, whatever life throws at you, keep smiling!

Inside This Month’s Issue

Bar & Restaurant Guide

What’s On Guide

Puzzles

Jokes Page

Kids Page

41 & 55

to advertise in costa link magazine please call 663 061 669

952 462 092

A W o m a n’s W o r l d Quotes for Women! One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” “Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above. “Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples.” “Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.” “What’s a ‘man,’ Lord?” “Unfortunately this man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat, and be vain; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. However, he will be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will

look silly aroused, but since you've being complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your ah...physical needs. He’ll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly and make any decisions.” “Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What's the catch, Lord?” “Yeah, well...you can have him on one condition.” “What's that, Lord?” “As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and selfadmiring so...you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret, you know woman-to-woman!”

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W h a t ’s T h e G o s s Jade Goody - came to the end of her traumatic battle with cancer on the morning of Mothers Day at 3.14am, her new husband Jack Tweed, her Mum Jackey and close friend Kevin Adams were with her as she peacefully slipped away in her sleep. It is ironic that Jade who was quite obviously a lovely Mum to her boys should finally pass away on this day. Jade was one of those people that you either loved or hated however whatever your feelings about her as a person nothing can detract from the way she dealt with her illness. She was just 27 years old and yet she showed a strength of character of someone much older. She was courageous, strong, brave and dignified. Some do not believe that her illness should have been

publicised in the manner that it was however Jade was very clear with regard for her reasons for this and they were: to earn enough money to secure her two boys futures should she not be here for them and to raise awareness of cervical cancer and the importance of regular smear tests amongst women. Jade achieved both of these aims and I would defy any parent to say that they would not do whatever they could for their children in the event that they could not be there for them in person. As for publicising the illness, the day the reality TV star was diagnosed in August 2008, Cancer Research UK witnessed 10 times the usual number of hits to its website. Before Jade was diagnosed, the cervical cancer section of the website received around 3,000 hits each day. On the day of her diagnosis, this jumped to 32,000 and visitor numbers have (cont. overleaf)

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W h a t ’s T h e G o s s continued from previous page... been two to three times higher than usual ever since. Smear Tests are something that most women loathe but if cervical cancer is caught in the early stages it is easily treatable. It is even easier when living in Spain, without the reminders from your GP and having to pay for a test to forget to have the tests regularly, however The Medicare Clinic in La Cala offers smear tests for just 45 euros. The staff all speak English and the service is both friendly and efficient. So if we can take something from the tradegy of a young mother, just 27 years old and leaving two young children behind, call the clinic today. Their number is 951 27 31 66. Whether you were a fan or not, it cannot be denied that Jade Goody was very funny (most of the time not intentionally) and one of the things she was so famous for was

what became commonly known as the ‘Jadeism’, so read on and smile for Jade’s memory. “Where's East Angular though? I thought that was abroad.” (In the Big Brother House) “I'm not being tictactical in here.” “Rio de Janeiro, ain't that a person?” (Asked on Living TV if she knew any Spanish) “Hola, Bonjour.” “I'm fighting for my feminine, feminivity, feninivity, femma, femma, whatever, fighting for that. And I'm doing all right with that.” God Bless Jade, rest in peace xx

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Bar tricks... This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough of life, and goes over and jumps out the window. Two men are sitting near by at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, drinks them and then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded!

When the guy returns and repeats the procedure again, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies “It's simple, really. There’s an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems.” Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just had to try this, so after one more swift shot for courage they jump out of the window and, land in a heap on the ground below. Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says “Superman, you know, you can be a real bas**rd when you're drunk!”

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The Pilot Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to take off. They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them that the pilots will be there soon and the flight could then take off. The entrance opens, and two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves

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faster and faster down the runway, and the people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, “You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die.”

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Eggstra Special Easter at Kidz Kingdom Make this Easter ‘eggstra’ special and take your family along to Kidz Kingdom, the ‘best play centre on the coast’ There are egg hunts on Wednesday the 8th April and Friday the 10th April starting at 2pm. Then on Easter Sunday don’t miss out on the ‘Special Easter Sunday Lunch’ with the Easter Bunny starting at 12.00pm with games and prizes to be won and a visit from Pom- Pom the clown. Don’t miss out make sure you

book your place today! Call 952 928 936. Kidz Kingdom also hold very popular Mother and Toddler mornings every Tuesday and Thursday from 11am until 1.00pm. The €5 entry fee includes juice and cookies! You can find Kidz Kingdom inside Supersol, Bel Air, Estepona. Or visit their website: www.kidzkingdom.eu.

NINTENDOS WANTED FOR CASH All Nintendo DS and Wii games and consoles bought and sold. Best prices paid. Call now. Nintendo DS repairs and Nintendo DS’s wanted dead or alive. Bought a computer here in Spain? We can change your operating system to English. Tel: 678 43 00 92 Email: gameswanted@gmail.com 16

Interesting facts A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig...) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death... (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the....?!) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day... (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing) Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

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F.A.M.A FOUNDATION FOR ABANDONED AND MISTREATED ANIMALS Everyday FAMA takes in animals who have been abandoned or mistreated and houses them safely. Unfortunately our kennels are only large enough to house a certain number of animals in need and we constantly seek loving homes for these animals. If you are looking for a dog but canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see the one for you here, please visit the adoption tab on our website: www.f-a-m-a.net, where you will find many more looking for a home or contact: Pat Coleman on 620 354 885.

This is Lily. She is a This is Ruby. She is a young mixed breed. She Labrador who is only 10 is a sweet girl and would weeks old, and has a sislove to be someones ter call Alice who is also companion.If you are looking for a loving interested in Lily, please home. Please contact: contact: 620 354 885. 620 354 885.

This is Milly. She is about 1 year old and loves to play with other dogs. If you are interested in Milly, please contact: 620 354 885.

This is Penny who is a X-Dachshund. She is about 6 months old and very friendly, placid and loving. If you are interested in Penny, please contact: 620 354 885.

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A M a n’s W o r l d Men’s Quick Funnies When I was born, I was given a choice A big manhood or a good memory. I don’t remember, what I chose. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - ‘don't’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small. Despite the old saying, ‘Don't take your troubles to bed’ many men still sleep with their wives.

Sup

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values Stu said, “I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?” Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?” “Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce Court Judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife €775 a week.” “That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “and every now and then I’ll try to send her a few euros myself.” A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don't like the looks of your wife at all.” “Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.”

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Jack Dee Classics “I love to be in Britain, when it's hot weather. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, don't they? Know what I like to do? I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone. (Pretending to be on the telephone) “Hello, I just washed my car. Probably water the lawn in a minute. Might have a bath, might not, see how I feel. I'll probably fill the bath, not even use it.” “I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, ‘“Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’, and shall I tell you something about that? I live next door to this 84 year old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right, yet. The lazy cow has-

n't even taken her milk in for a fortnight!” “Try saying: ‘Whale Oil Beef Hooked’ without sounding like an Irish man swearing.” “One of my friends went on a murder weekend now he is doing life for it” “My local’s rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night First question was, “What the f**k are you looking at?” “I thought that I saw your name on a bag of bread, but when I reread it, it said ‘Thick Cut’.” “When a dog watches you put up a shelf it thinks ‘I don't know what you're doing but I love you.’ When a cat watches you, it thinks “Nah, I'd use three inch screws and rawplugs on a wall like that.”

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Giving cats ‘n’ dogs pills... CATS: 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply plaster to partner's forearm and immediately remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Continued overleaf-

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Giving cats ‘n’ dogs pills... Continued from previous page... 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot and drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture shop on way home to pick out new table. 15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat. Call local pet shop to see if they have hamsters. DOGS: 1. Wrap pill in bacon.

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Beware of the the Yeti An English explorer decided to explore the mountains of Africa. Before his team went into the jungle, the guide told them about the Yeti. “You must never go near the Yeti,” he told them. “It is a very mean creature, but there is one thing worse then meeting a Yeti, and that is to touch it. For if you touch a Yeti, it will chase you to the ends of the earth and it will not stop until it catches you.”

toward his tent! Tom was frozen to the spot as the shape started to unzip the tent. He panicked and did something very stupid. He ran straight out the door of the tent, and in doing so crashed into the Yeti.

With that warning, the guide led them into the jungle. When it was too dark to go any further, they made their camp, had dinner, and went to sleep. In the middle of the night our English explorer (we'll call him Tom) heard something outside his tent. He peeked out of his sleeping bag and saw something horrible. It was the silhouette of the Yeti! And it was coming straight

Two weeks after the adventure in Africa, Tom was out for an early-morning walk when he saw the Yeti coming up the road! He took off in the other direction, grabbed a bicycle, and rode away as fast as he could go. He came to a car rental place and rented one, and took off again. After he had gone a hundred miles or so he continues overleaf...

It screeched loudly and followed Tom as he ran down the mountain. Tom jumped into a car and drove to the nearest airport, charged at the closest plane heading for England, and went home.

Everything for Easter in La Cala...

Gorgeous greeting cards for all occasions Unusual giftware and jewellery Helium balloons and partyware Fantastic prices, Great quality

EASTER EGGS AND CARDS

Efficient postal service available GHD Hairstraightners

Pink and Black €75

Now Body Shop creams and toiletries Come and see for yourself Open Monday - Friday 9am - 6pm Saturday 9am - 3pm

Tel/Fax: 952 587 549 Three shops away from the Tabac (tobacconist)

Photography for all Occasions

Weddings Birthdays Parties Portraits Commercial All events covered.

Photography by Jenniferjane tel: 0034 661 194 653 byjenniferjane@gmail.com www.byjenniferjane.com

CLMÂŠ2008

Beware of the the Yeti continued from previous page... stopped to look behind him. There was

the Yeti, still following him!

stood there. He made up his mind to give up. He turned and faced the Yeti bravely.

Tom drove as fast as he could until he came to an airport. He hopped on the first plane leaving. It happened to be going to Ireland. He got to Ireland, hopped on another bike, and rode until the handlebars fell off. He stopped to look behind him and saw the Yeti. It was still following him!

The Yeti stopped right in front of him and grinned.

Tom broke out in a run. He ran until the sweat was pouring off him. He ran straight out onto the moor. He ran until he was so tired he couldn't move. He looked to see if the Yeti was still following him. It was.

A ham sandwich goes in a bar. The bartender looks at him, shakes his head and says,

There was nowhere to go so Tom just

“TAG! YOU'RE IT!” it shouted, and ran off in the other direction.

“I'm sorry, we don't serve food here.”

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It reached out its hairy arm and poked Tom in the chest.

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CARS FOR RENT FROM..............199€ EOS CABRIOLET, DIESEL..... 27,900€ CHEROKEE DIESEL 2001.........6800€ CHRYSLER PETIT CRUISER....5,999€ FORD MONDEO, ENGLISH..........790€ MERCEDES A140 PETROL......5,999€ BOMBADIER INCL TRAILER ..1,999€

CHEROKEE 99 TURBODIESEL 3999€ CORVETTE 94, SPANISH ......12,999€ KAWASAKI 99, 1500cc ..........4,999€ LEXUS 430M 2005 ..............33,999€ KIA SORENTO 06 PETROL ...23999€ BOMBADIER INC TRAILER ....1390€ LANDROVER DISCOVERY........9,800€

MERCEDES ML 430, RHD....... 7,999€ HUMMER,BRITISH PLATES ..19,999€

Funny five Minutes Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I'll leave the key under the mat for you. Once you’ve fixed the dishwasher, just leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check.” “Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike, he won't bother you at all but, whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, talk to my parrot!” “I repeat; do not talk to my parrot!!” When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen, but, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove

n ligatio No ob n tio quota

him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, squaking, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!” One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says “I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife on the shoulder again. “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

New Showroom La Cala de Mijas

Tailor made furniture packages & make over solutions

Are you struggling for ideas, time or patience for your property? Take the stress out of what should be a wonderful new phase in your life. New or existing properties, we can help you. Call Dilys for a no-obligation quotation, from dressing one window to a whole furniture package. Our showroom is situated between the BP petrol station and the Farmacia, next door to Sr. Nick’s. Tel/Fax: 952 494 155. Dilys: 600 583 673. Juliette: 678 539 365 Web: www.whitedesignco.com. Email: info@whitedesignco.com CLM©2008

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PHONE 952 931 128 OR 952 933 234 Email: fortress@telefonica.net www.fortresssecurityspain.com We speak Spanish, English, Portuguese and French

Tel: 952 931 877 E-mail: leads@marlinglobal.com www.marlinglobal.com LONG TERM RENTALS

We have clients waiting for rentals.

€700 MGLT 7117 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom 1st floor apartment located in central Rio Real. Fully equipped fitted kitchen, lounge/diner. Large south west terrace. Community gardens, pool and parking.

€1,000 MGLT 0355 Outstanding 3 bedroom 2 bathroom ground floor apartment in Calahonda. 60m2 of terrace and an additional 125m2 of living space, sea views, poolside, close to golf courses and local amenities.

From: €550 MGLT 0010 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment, west facing with large terrace and sea views. Fully furnished, Sat TV, Secure development with swimming pool and private parking. 5 min drive to coast.

€650 MGLT 0085 2 bedroom 2 bathroom ground floor apartment large terrace with golf and mountain views fully furnished, Sky, TV. enclosed development with pools and private parking. 3 min drive to coast, stroll to Golf Club.

€1,600 MGLT 0380 Detached villa in El Coto Lounge/games room, 4 bedrooms 3 ensuite 4th full bathroom. Store room. Guest toilet. Huge kitchen/diner. Large terraced area, private pool and 2 car garage.

€800 MGLT 0702 Ground floor apartment right on the golf at La Cala. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, terrace with communal gardens, swimming pools, paddle tennis. underground parking and store room.

Santa Maria, 2 Bed - €800 MGLT 0096 Riviera, 2 Bed - €550 MGLT 7119 Torreblanca, 2 bed - €550 MGLT0650 Calahonda, 2 Bed - €750 MGLT 7111 Riviera, 2 Bed - €750 MGLT 0703 Riviera, 2 Bed - €500 MGLT 7005 Miraflores, 2 Bed - €550 MGLT 7060

Lomas, 3 bed - €1000 MGLT 7110 Calahonda, 2 bed - €500 MGLT 7115 La Cala, 2 Bed - €650 MGLT 0701 Chaperal, 4 bed house - €1200 Mi Capricho, 2 Bed - €700 MGLT 7095 Calahonda, 2 bed - €600 – MGLT 0059 Miraflores, 2 bed - €550 – MGLT 7060

Long term rentals in all areas Extensive range of holiday rental property Full management specialists

FOR OUR FULL RANGE OF PROPERTIES PLEASE CONTACT US

Tel: 952 931 877

E-mail: leads@marlinglobal.com

www.marlinglobal.com

Please mention costa link when responding

A son’s bad dream A man goes into his son's room to kiss him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare so the man wakes him and asks his son if he is okay. The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and tells him to go back to sleep. The next day, Auntie Susie dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare. The man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and tells him to go back to sleep. The next day, granddaddy dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having yet another nightmare. The man

again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is okay and leaves the boy to get back to sleep. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life, he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk. Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife. “Good God Dear” he proclaims, “I've just had the worst day of my entire life!” She responds, “You think your day was bad! This morning the milkman dropped dead on our doorstep.”

SolScreen

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Latest Edition is our NanoScreen Products: Invisible protective coatings, suitable for: Glass, Stainless Steel, Marble, Ceramic, Stone or Wood. Ideal for use on Cars, Boats and throughout the Home. Call above for further details.

Dibleys Tapas

Bar

La Cala de Mijas, Opposite the church. Tel: 952 493 042

Totally Refurbished and Outside Courtyard

Tapas 12pm - 3pm & 6pm - 10pm English and Spanish mix Saturday - Live Entertainment Steve Summers Sunday - Sunday Roast only. 12pm - 10pm Beef/pork/lamb €8 Chicken €7

Incorporating

to go...

Sandwich Bar

Filled baguettes, sandwiches and salads to eat in or take away. 10am - 3 pm Tuna and sweetcorn Bacon, lettuce and tomato Brie, salami and sun dried tomatoes Mozzarella, tomato and basil Chicken and Mayo Jane andCoronation Steve formerly from ‘to go’ chicken and many more... and Claire and Gary formerly from Captains Bar

Ring to pre-order: 952 493 042

ropertydirect.com

businessandpropertydirect.com

Trying to sell your bar or restaurant? Are estate agent fees pricing you out of the market? Why not sell direct, cut out the middle man and put the cash in your pocket!

Tel: 670 954 396 businessandpropertydirect.com

OPEN FOR BREKFAST, LUNCH AND OUR NEW BAR-CAFE NOW OPEN EVENINGS FOR TAPAS.

BREAKFASTS, FRESHLY BAKED BAGUETTES AND CROISSANTS, SANDWICHES AND ROLLS WITH DIFFERENT FILLINGS DAILY. DAILY LUNCHTIME SPECIALS, KEBABS, MEXICAN CHICKEN, SPECIALITY SALADS, LAVAZZA COFFEE, MILKSHAKES, FUSION TEAS, EVENING DRINKS. ENJOY ‘AL FRESCO’ ON OUR SUNNY TERRACE OR INSIDE OUR NEW BAR-CAFE. DAYTIME MENU AVAILABLE UNTIL 5.00PM Local 26 Jardín Botánico, La Cala de Mijas Open from 8.00am. Tel: 952 493 184

HONG KONG

Sandi

CHI ESE RESTAURA T

Takeaway. Fresh Baguettes, Paninis, Pies, Kebabs, Burgers and Pastries. Mon - Sat 11.30 - 15.30 and 18.30 - 22.30 C/Torremolinos, La Cala. Tel: 618 181 507

SPECIAL LUNCHTIME MENU 12PM - 4PM STARTERS

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

Beef with Blackbean/Oyster/Chinese Mushroom and Bamboo/Curry or Chicken with Cashew Nuts/Sweet and Sour/Curry or Prawns with Vegetables or Sweet and Sour Fish (Hake)

Just

€20 a Telephone: 663 061 669

month

Spring Roll, Special Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn/Tomato/Hot and Sour Soup or Spare Ribs.

MAIN COURSE

RICE AND NOODLES

Special House Fried Rice, Boiled Rice or Noodles with Soya Bean Sprouts or Chips

DESSERTS

Coffee, Tea, Ice Cream, Cream Caramel or Fruit Main restaurant serving usual delicacies 6pm - 12pm

Jardin Botanico, Local 16, La Cala de Mijas. Tel: 952 599 236. Mob: 685 578 743

bars and restaurant guide

X X

Great places to eat and drink in La Cala

usinessand

Your Entertainment Guide Thursdays

Mondays

Quiz and Bingo - Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Under 12’s eat free Mon, Thur, Sat with paying adult - Menu of the day, 2 courses €11,95. The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol.

Tuesdays Quiz Night - 9.30, Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range. Karaoke - Fools bar. El Zoco, Calahonda.

Wednesdays Quiz Night - Captains Bar, La Cala. Strictly Come Dancing - Dancing Lessons. 2pm Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Live Entertainment & Quiz night (Entertainment every other Wednesday) Shaggys, Fuengirola Port, Courtyard..

Steak Night - Eat as much as you can REDUCED to €19.95 with Gary Young Live. Vista del Mar. Quiz night - JJ’s Bar, Riviera del Sol. Quiz Night - Sussex Bar, La Cala. Karaoke - Fools Bar, El Zoco, Calahonda. Karaoke - Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda.

Fridays Karaoke - “Paul the Bear” Shenanigans, 9.30pm Riviera del Sol. Bingo - Captains bar, La Cala. Darts League - Sussex Bar, La Cortijera, La Cala. Live Music - Trafalgar Bar, El Zoco. Fish and Chip Night - The Far Isle, Riviera del Sol. Continued on page 55

Buying or Selling a Business on the Costa del Sol ?

Cala Bella

All English and main sporting events shown. Every first Thursday of the month 7pm Steve Nelson Live. Open Mon - Fri 5pm till late. Sat Sun 2pm till late. Calle Torremolinos, La Cala.

The Sussex Bar

Food served 10am -10pm. Sunday Lunch 1pm - 9pm. Thursday quiz night, Friday darts league, Saturdays Karaoke. La Cortijera. La Cala.

Least Commission Largest Selection of Businesses Best Prices SELLING A BUSINESS The No. 1 Agent on the Costa del Sol for more than 5 years Top Website Ranking New Listings on Website in 24 Hrs Regular Progress Reports Plenty of International Buyers Less Commission than other Agents BUYING A BUSINESS We are Fully Registered and Office Based All Businesses are Fully Licensed Proper Legal Contracts to Protect You

CALL US NOW!!! 952 477 874 or 647 830 885 info@fiestaproperty.com www.fiestaproperty.com

La Cala

great places to eat, drink and be entertained.

W h a t ’s O n

THURSDAY KARAOKE 8.30pm SATURDAYS CABARET 8.30pm

Tel: 952 932 519 41 & 42, 1ST FLOOR CENTRO COMMERCIAL LOS JARALES, CALAHONDA

Harrys Sports Bar

All live sports and premiere league football. Six TV’s and big screen. Full menu, Sunday roast and homemade tapas. Large sun terrace. Open 10amlate, seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales.

Calahonda

Sisters Bar

COMMERCIAL CATERING EQUIPMENT NEW & SECONDHAND FURNITURE, DESIGNER/BUDGET, INDOOR/OUTDOOR & MODULAR SEATING FULL PROJECT MANAGEMENT EXTRACTION/ REFRIGERATION ITALIAN DESIGNER BARS STAINLESS STEEL FABRICATION

Friendly family bar with good food, tapas, live entertainment, karaoke and sports. Open seven days a week. The Strip, Calahonda Tel: 952 939 579

NEW SHOWROOM ON THE N340 NEAR LA CALA DE MIJAS. EST. 8 YEARS, FULL WARRANTY & SERVICE NO ITEM TOO SMALL

www.grupocaterquip.com TEL/FAX: 952 493 636 or MOBILE: 605 411 881 - 637 546 978

great places to eat and drink

Los Jarales

Play world famous Texas Holdʼem Poker. From beginners to pros, we have games to suit everyone

Villa Paradiso - Open since 1989

Calypso

Small friendly bar. Daily sport. Karaoke on Tues and Thursday. All football matches shown. First floor El Zoco (corner) Tel: 952 935 340

Italian Restaurant

Italian restaurant. Taste the genuine Italian food in attractive decor. Open seven days a week, 1pm till late. C.C. El Zoco, first floor, Sitio de Calahonda. Tel: 952 932 042

Sit ‘n’ Go

Trafalgar Cocktail Bar

Sit ‘n’ Go sports lounge broadcasting all the weekly action in comfortable, friendly surroundings. Open daily from 1pm until midnight. Wi-fi internet access. Frontline C.C.Calypso.

For before and after dinner drinks. Live music Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Open every evening until late. El Zoco First floor, Sito de Calahonda. Mijas Costa.

The

BOAT HOUSE Mijas Costa’s Premier Fish and Chips Restaurant and Take Away Excellent Quality Fish and Chips Large portions Enjoy your meal in our large fully air-conditioned restaurant or outside ‘al fresco’ on our large terrace Large selection of desserts

NOW OPEN ON WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY AND SATURDAY LUNCHTIMES 12PM TILL 2PM WITH A LUNCHTIME SPECIAL MENU.

OPE EVERY IGHT 6.00 - 10.00 ABOVE SUPERSOL, C.C. EL ZOCO, CALAHO DA

TEL: 952 930 148

great places to eat and drink El Zoco, Calahonda

Fools Bar

ALL LIVE SPORTS SHOWN ON TWO LARGE SCREENS FOUR LIVE MATCHES ON SATURDAYS FULL MENU AVAILABLE TILL LATE SUNDAY LUNCH, PORK, CHICKEN OR BEEF 2 COUSES €8 BREAKFAST SPECIAL €5 SPIRIT AND MIXERS €3 ALL DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK MENU OF THE DAY €5 LARGE SUNNY TERRACE FOR BOOKINGS CALL: 634 670 553 C.C Los Jarales, Mijas Costa

Los Jarales

Sports - Cafe Bar

great places to eat and drink

THE PIT STOP

Fish and Chips All Day Breakfast Homemade Steak pie Chicken and Mushroom pie Breakfast, Lunchtime and Evening Menu Curry Night Wednesday and Saturday Large Childrens and Vegetarian menu Summer Terrace Sports shown

Pino Golf de Don Carlos, Local 18, Elviria, Marbella (Behind Opencor supermarket) Tel: 952 838 604

Golden Sun

CHARLEY’S BAR & RESTAURANT

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Special lunch menu only €6.95. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Papa Luigi

Traditional Italian food. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT SUNDAY ROAST with Fresh Veg & Yorkshire Pud & Dessert for just 10€ Adults & 4.50€ Children NEW DAY & EVENING MENUS & DAILY SPECIALS SNACKS & TAKEAWAY AVAILABLE ALL DAY OPEN EVERYDAY SUNNY TERRACE, SEA VIEWS & SKY SPORTS. LAGER: 2.50€, SPIRITS & MIXERS €4.50

Tel: 615 315 605 1ST FLOOR RIVIERA COMMERCIAL (NEAR THE CHEMISTS), RIVIERA DEL SOL, MIJAS COSTA.

bars and restaurant guide

Great places to eat and drink in Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

Family Bar Internet Quizzes and Karaoke Live Entertainment Pool Tables Games Machines Open for Food Closed Tuesdays Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 676

Easter q Egg Hunt q and q Entertainment Sunday 12th q April q

Freshly Cooked Versatile Menu. Warm Friendly Atmosphere. Mon, Thur and Fri. - Menu of the day €11.95 2 courses and children under 12 free with accompanying adult. Above Shenanigans, Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 039. Closed Tuesdays.

JJ’s Bar

Bunkers Bar Bistro

RIVIERA DEL SOL Breakfast, brunches and evening dinner. Open 7 days a week from 10am. Wi-fi internet connection. Terrace available for private functions. Miraflores Driving Range. Tel: 952 939 381

En Un Rincon De La Boca

SMALL COSY BAR WITH LARGE SUNNY TERRACE AND FANTASTIC VIEWS OVER THE MED. LIVE SPORT FUN QUIZ NIGHTS - THURS MUSIC NIGHTS Avenida del Golf

Specialists in Argentinian grilled meat. Take away. Open daily 10.00 - 23.00. Closed Tuesdays. Las Terrazas de Miraflores Tel: 952 930 649

Riviera del sol JJ’s Bar

Great places to eat and drink in Riviera del Sol & Miraflores

the terrace.

bars and restaurant guide

Beautiful panoramic sea and beach views from

Fine Indian Cuisne Restaurant and Take Away Open from 6pm - Midnight CLMÂŠ2008

Tel: 902 463 426 IND IAN

Mughal Village Urb. Torrenueva, Mijas Costa Fine Indian Cuisine. Restaurant and Take Away Open from 6pm - Midnight Tel: 902 463 426

Front line Fuengirola port. Open all day. 6 days a week. Pool table, Darts and Sky Sports.

ADVERTISE YOUR BAR OR RESTAURANT HERE

Everything Direct from London EAT IN OR TAKE AWAY

Pie, Mash and Liquer Jellied Eels Dressed Crab Whelks Peeled Prawns and much more...

Just

€20 a

Open Tues - Sun 11am - 6pm NOW SUPPLYING WHOLESALE for details call: Tel: 672 028 226

Telephone:

month

663 061 669

La Cr es a ñ ta Pe

The rural bar with the great atmosphere

Great food and Spanish tapas at Spanish prices!

Selection of fine wines and local beers.

Open 12 - Late 7 days Tel: 662 607 784 Between Hotel Byblos and Venta la Morena

Regular live entertainment and karaoke in English and Spanish 9 people minbus available €3 per person each way. Call for details. CAMINO DE COIN HOTEL RODINASON

VENTA LA MORENA

RIVER BED

bars and restaurant guide

Fuengirola Port

Great places to eat and drink in Fuengirola

Cockles English Seafood

Nemos Bar

Things That Make You Go Mmmm Hot Cross Buns Ingredients

500g strong white flour, 1 1/2 tsp Salt 75g caster sugar 7g sachet dried yeast 300ml mixed milk and water 150g sultanas Zest of 2 Oranges 80g mixed peel 2 tsp ground cinnamon For the glaze: 50g Sugar 50ml water Method

Estepona Port

1. Put the flour, salt, sugar and yeast into a bowl. Slowly add enough of the milk and water mix to achieve pliable dough. Tip out onto a lightly floured surface and knead well

LA PERLA PUERTO ESTEPO A

To make more distinctive crosses, use a flour-and-water paste made with 4 oz (110 g) plain flour and approximately 3 tablespoons water. Roll out thinly and divide into small strips, dampening them to seal.

Win a meal for 2

SEA LEVEL EAT IN OR TAKE AWAY

English Breakfast from 8.30am Sandwiches Baguettes Croissants and much more... FRIDAY IGHTS FROM 7PM FISH & CHIPS - COD I BEER BATTER A D MUSHY PEAS.

Closed Thursdays 46

for 5 minutes, then put the dough back into the bowl and leave to rise for 1 hour. 2. Incorporate the sultanas, mixed peel, orange zest and cinnamon into the dough and leave to rise for 1 hour. 3. Lightly grease a baking sheet. Divide the dough into 75g pieces and roll each into a ball and make a deep cross on each one with a sharp knife .Put them on a baking tray and leave to rest for 1 hour. 4. Set the oven to 220°C/gas 8. Bake the buns for 25 minutes until golden brown. Combine the sugar and water together to make a syrup and brush this liberally all over the buns. Serve immediately.

Vista del Mar are offering Costa Link readers the chance to win a meal for two up to the value of €50 at their fantastic restaurant, situated at Beachside Miraflores.

To win all you have to do is answer the following question: What does ‘Vista del Mar’ mean in English? Email your answer to: info@costalinkmagazine.com Text : 663 061 669

Your Entertainment Guide Sundays

Cont. from page 41.

Fridays cont.

Lucky Balls Competition - Number drawn eats for free! Vista del Mar, beachside, Riviera de Sol

Saturdays

Nueva Andalucia

Cabaret - Michelle Allan 9.30pm Shenanigans, Riviera del Sol. Cabaret Night - Live music plus 3 course meal only €25. Vista del Mar. Traditional Pie, Mash and Liquer during the day, Karaoke in the evening. - Sisters Bar, The Strip, Calahonda. Live music - Trafalgar bar, El Zoco, Calahonda. All Live Sports - 5.30 - 9.45 Bunkers Bar Bistro, Miraflores Driving Range.

Sunday Lunch - 1 till 6 with Gary Young on vocals, 2 till 5. 12th Easter Egg Hunt. Vista del Mar. Live Entertainment - Shaggys, Fuengirola Port, Courtyard. Sunday Roast - 1pm - 9pm. Bingo and Quiz - 9.30. Bunkers, Miraflores.

WANT TO ADVERTISE YOUR EVENTS? Advertise in the Costa Link Bar and Restaurant guide and receive free listings of your events and entertainment. Call: 663 061 669

Freshly Cooked Continental Deli Style Food and Desserts

Sunday roast Menu of the day 9€ Mon - Sat Fresh smoothies and juices All day breakfast Outside catering Open 7 days a week Home made cakes to order Sandwich bar Home made desserts Take away service available Outside sunny terrace

WxÄ|@|v|Éâá Tel: 952 907 876 Calle Califa No 1, Edif. Maestranza, Nueva Andalucia, Marbella.

great places to eat, drink and be entertained

W h a t ’s O n

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Urb. El Pilar, Edif. Benapilar. Locales 8-10, Estepona. Exit Km 168 (Opposite the Crowne Plaza Hotel) Tel: 952 88 36 66

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We specialise in serving our customers the highest quality food, w service, large portions, good value and most i FROM SPRING OUR BEAUTIFUL GARDEN TERRACES ARE OPEN -

OFA BED & S SHOP

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C/Jose de Espronceda, Edif. Mrc 7, Locale 32, ‘La Campana’, (opp. La Torre Andalucia Hotel) Nueva Andalucia, Marbella. Tel: 952 81 79 89

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Puzzle It Out

Solutions on page 98

Quick Crossword Across 1.Constant (6) 4.Evidence of past injury (4) 8.Haggard (5) 9.Fiends (5) 10.Salutary (10) 13.Clearly (10) 17.Dialect (5) 18.Copious (5) 19.Part of an egg (4) 20.Pressing (6)

Word Play

Sudoku

Mentally rotate the rings so that when they are all properly aligned, four 5-letter words appear.

Say What You See...

Note: words are read from outer to inner ring.

Down 1.Mentor (4) 2.Evade (5) 3.Point (3) 5.Breed of dog (5) 6.Answer (6) 7.Outcome (6) 11.Mystery (6) 12.Collector's item (6) 14.Motionless (5) 15.Oversight (5) 16.Portable shelter (4) 18.Atmosphere (3)

Willow

sob

sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob

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words words words words

WARNING

These Jokes are Criminal A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.” Man: “No sir, I was going 60.” Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going 80.” Officer: “I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.” Man: “Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!” Wife: “Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.” Officer: “I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.” Man: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.” Wife: “Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.” The man turns to his wife and yells: “Shut

your damn mouth!” The Officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?” Wife: “No, only when he's drunk.” A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back. The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman. The detective responded, “I think it’s obvious. A cereal killer got her!” A policeman make the mistake of arresting a judge who went to a fancy dress party dressed as a convict. It just shows that you should not book a judge by his cover.

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The power of diamonds An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a €5,000 ring. The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.” At that statement, the jeweller brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning diamond ring at only €40,000.” The jeweller said. The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this, said, “We’ll take it.” The jeweller asked how he would pay and the old man stated “By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and

you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.” Monday morning, the jeweller phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.” “I know,” said the old man, “but let me tell you about my weekend.”

Please tell them you saw them in costa Link magazine when responding to adverts - Thank you

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The old couple An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, “Where are you going?” He replies, “To the kitchen.” She asks, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” He replies, “Sure.” She then

asks him, “Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” He says, “No, I can remember that.” She then says, “Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that.” He says, “I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” She replies, “Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.” With irritation in his voice, he says, “I don't need to write it down I can remember that.” He then fumes into the kitchen. After about twenty minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, “You forgot my toast.”

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I like your thinking... A businessman walks into a bank in London and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the £7,000 and the interest, which comes to £19.67. The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, but we are a little confused. While you were away,

we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow £7,000?” The businessman replied, “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for £20 quid?” It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things. He ran back inside and called the police, who asked him “Are there any intruders in your house?” to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he

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I like your thinking... should just lock his door and a cop would be at his house when one was free. Charlie answered, “Alright,” hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the police again. “Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them.” Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a S.W.A.T. team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act. One of the cops snapped at Charlie: “I thought you said that you shot every one of them!” “I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!” Charlie answered.

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family. A ‘smart’ student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. “But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?” As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. “Well,” he responded, “I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”

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Golf Tips And Tricks Positive Putting by Mark Sibley of Miraflores Golf Academy

Do roll the ball into the back of the hole or just over the edge? Do you see the ball finishing past the hole if it misses? How far away from the hole are you confident you will sink the putt? The worst sensation is when the ball, which is bang on line, stops just before the hole with just a few cm´s to go and it still costs you another shot on the card. If you putt like this all the time you must change and become a positive putter.

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Your first step is to increase the distance from the hole where you are sure the ball will drop. On the practice green take your putter and place a ball marker one putters length from the hole. Putt three balls from the marker and if you sink all three move the marker another putters length from the hole and start again. If you don’t putt all three stay at that distance until you do. This drill will show you clearly that if a ball goes past the hole, at what distance the putt back will be a problem to you and should increase your confidence to strike a putt with enough pace always to drop.

Golf Academy

Golfing About

Bill was 26 over par by the eighth hole; he had landed a fleet of golf balls in the water hazard, and dug himself into a trench fighting his way out of the rough. When his caddy coughed during a 12-inch putt, Bill exploded. “You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!” he screamed. “I doubt it,” replied the caddy. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Remember as you putt a ball that finishes past the hole, within a putters length, always had the chance to drop, and it is a fact that more putts are missed short than off line.

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The Pope

The Pope arrives at JFK and he's met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, ‘Pope.’ After getting all the Pope's luggage loaded in the limo (and His Holiness doesn't travel light) the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. “Hey, Mr. Pope,” says the driver in accented English, “Why have you not seated yourself in the excellent limo?” “Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive.” “That is very much against the rules!” protested the driver, wishing he'd never been given this particular job. “There might be something extra in it for you,” said the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope got in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after clearing the airport, the Pope accelerated the limo to 105

mph. “Please be driving not so rapidly, Mr. Pope,” pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal. Then they heard the siren. “Oh, my God, now I am surely losing my license,” moaned the driver. The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the patrolman approached, but the cop took one look at him, went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio. “I need to talk to the Chief,” he said to the dispatch. When the Chief got on the radio, the cop told him that he'd stopped a limo going a hundred and five. “So bust him,” said the Chief. “I think the guy's a big shot,” said the cop. “All the more reason.” “No, I mean really a big shot,” said the cop. “Who ya got there, the Mayor?” “Bigger.” “Governor.” “Bigger.” “Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?” “I don't know,”" said the cop. “But he's got the Pope driving for him.”

What ’s New Lila - Lila is a new unisex hairdressing

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It’s all par t of the job... The Minister There was a church in Marbella that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, and rub them on her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. They warned her not to eat any of the green persimmons because they are so sour, they will make your mouth

pucker up and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said. “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday.”

The Welsh Farmer A Welsh farmer is walking through his field and sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. The farmer shouts “Pai a yfed y dwr Mae’r gwartheg yn cachi yn dwr” (Don’t drink the water, it’s full of cow dung). The man shouts back “I’m English, speak English, I don’t understand you.” The farmer shouts back “Use both hands, you’ll get more in.”

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It’s all par t of the job... The Teacher The Year 7 science teacher, Mrs.Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking children a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents and they will go and tell the headmaster, who will then fire you!” Mrs.Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!” The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?” Finally, Billy stood up, looked around

nervously, and said, “The body part that increases ten times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.” Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

The Judge Mickey Mouse goes to the court trying to get a divorce from Minnie. After hearing the case the judge says “So let me get this straight, you want to divorce Minnie because she has buck teeth?” Mickey looks stunned and says “I didn't say she has buck teeth, I said she was f*******g Goofy.”

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What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish?

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5 Reasons to advertise now! When you stop advertising the public forget about you or in some cases think that you have ceased trading.

1 2 3 4 5

If you have reduced your prices, how will anybody know? Let everybody know about your special offers or sale prices.

Without doubt the businesses in your field that are still advertising are the ones who are getting the calls for your product or services. Even though there is a recession, there are still people around with a disposable income who are looking for your product or service, there are just fewer of them and that is why it is so important to make sure that that they buy from you and not your competitors.

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Strange but true... Every single day (unless you are already bald), you will lose as many as 100 strands of hair - thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 36,500 in a year. The ashes of the average cremated person weighs nine pounds. The human body can survive longer without food than without sleep. While starvation takes a few weeks you would die after about ten days without sleep. Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies. Every square inch of your body is populated by about 32 million bacteria. Your largest internal organ is the small intestine at an average length of 20 feet. If cut into pasta size pieces it would serve four.

85% of your brain is water. Three-hundred-million cells die in the human body every minute. Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour - about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin. It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop - even your heart! Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are two to six years old. It takes 17 muscles to smile - 43 to frown. In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow two metres of nose hair.

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S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you this month... Welcome the new! That's your job for the the month. This is a new, fresh season, and you're feeling full of energy. There is so much possibility! Burn some nervous energy Capricorn and you'll be able to focus your attention on a couple of brand new and very promising projects.

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Know the best thing to do when you have to deal with a tricky issue? Get some focus on the situation. Take some time away from all distractions and really think. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be surprised with the answer you come up with and it will also help you out with a future opportunity. Romance features strongly for you this month but do try to get to know them a little better before you fall head over heels in love with them. You need to stay on your toes at work on the 10th. In fact, stay on your toes in general somebody is up to no good. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be having very mixed emotions at the moment, happy one minute, sad the next, but don't worry! It's perfectly okay to have a highly emotional phase, especially where your family is concerned. Instead of fighting these emotions, do your best to let them in. Watch your finances on the 10th and 11th - somebody might be trying to skim a little off the top and you need to catch this early on. Risk taking might not be just what's called for on the 12th. Don't forget that sometimes it does pay to play it safe. This month is a good time to save and a pretty bad time for spending. If you have a splurge, not only will you realize your mistake just when it's too late to return it, but when you try to take it back, you'll see that everything in the store is now 75 percent off. Moral? Don't buy it.

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

You've been doing a lot of deep soul searching of late and, over the winter months, you slowly let a few insights fulminate. Now that the sun is out, you have a fresh sense of self on which to let it shine! Enjoy every revelatory moment. You're always pretty intuitive and this month your intuitive powers are on super high on the 1st and again on the 2nd. Listen to them and you're in for an astoundingly productive 3rd and 4th. Don't forget to enjoy yourself in the process of producing so many good results. As you come out of hibernation and start to realize that springtime is just around the corner, you become a social whirlwind. Experimentation in love, life, your career and your organization strategies is key for you on the 17th and 18th. So get experimenting! Before getting frustrated that things are moving so slowly, take a moment to look at the bright side. All this extra waiting will give you a chance to review your plans and think things through. You'll be able to peacefully assess what you really want and how you'll get it. Your challenge this month is to try not to try and control everything around you. This might seem like a tall order but if you succeed even a little in restraining your need to be the boss of everything, your stress levels will plummet. So at least give it a shot this month.

Wherever your mood leads you is where you should follow this month as all those mood-directives will be healthy ones. They will send you in just the right direction, Sagittarius too! If you feel like taking the plunge, career-wise, take that plunge!

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T he Jokes page

page

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor what the coworker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, “What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies, “It's Dave, the dwarf.”

In France, the young assistant priests do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the priest and his h o u s e keeper. One day the priest See what happens when you invited his sleep around! new young assistant priest to have dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young priest noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the priest and the housekeeper. After the meal was over, the middle-aged p r i e s t assured the young priest that everything was purely professional, that she was

the housekeeper and cook and that was that. About a week later the housekeeper came to the priest and said, “Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?” The priest said, “Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter.” So he sat down and wrote, “Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner.” The young assistant received the letter and he answered it as follows: “Dear Father priest, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy ladle.” A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, “It's what mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screams to her brother “Don't eat it, it's an asshole!” A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?” The agent replies, “Just a minute...” “Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up. A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says: “Well, that’s great...that’s just great...some as*hole's got my pen!”

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Household goods Cars Boats Motorcycles Full or part loads Secure warehousing Packaging materials and boxes for sale

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Sponsored by Videonet, La Cala On DVD - all available at Videonet, La Cala INKHEART - Mo has the special talent to bring characters out of books. One night he brings out three characters from Inkheart, a story set in medieval times and filled with magical beings; Capricorn and Basta, two villains, and Dustfinger, a fire-eater. However Mo is kidnapped and its up to his daughter, Meggie, and her friends to rescue him! YES MAN - Yes Man stars Jim Carey as Carl Allen, a man who's life is going nowhere, the operative word being ‘no’, until he signs up for a self-help program based on one simple covenant: say yes to everything and anything. Unleashing the power of ‘YES’ begins to transform Carl's life in amazing and unexpected ways, getting him promoted at work

and opening the door to a new romance. But, his willingness to embrace every opportunity might just become too much of a good thing. At first, unleashing the power of ‘yes’ transforms Carl's life in amazing and unexpected ways, but he soon discovers that opening up his life to endless possibilities can have its drawbacks. MAX PAYNE - Max Payne is a maverick cop with little regard for rules and nothing left to lose. Hell-bent on revenge, he's determined to track down those responsible for the brutal murder of his family, but his obsessive investigation takes him on a nightmarish journey where dark fantasy collides with stark reality. As the mystery deepens, Max is forced to battle enemies beyond the natural world...and face an unthinkable betrayal that will drive him to the edge of his own sanity.

ocal Info Emergency Numbers Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

112 091 092 062

Medical

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Markets

Consulates 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

Transport

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

(Marina)

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists 24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 1st April - April Fools day 6th - 12 April - Semana Santa. Bank holidays Maundy Thursday 9th April and Good Friday 10th April. Easter Sunday processions can be seen in all towns and villages the largest being in Malaga around the old town. 10th April - Good friday 12th April - Easter Sunday 23rd April - St. Georges Day

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ThelReviews c osta ink directory Advertise Your business here for just €65 for 12 issues -that’s just over 5 a month!!! or have it framed for only €99!

Accountant Malcolm Greenwood. Company formations from €750, business valuations, business start up, sole proprietors (autonomo), bookeeping from €55 per month. Tel: 952 59 69 27

Builders JCB Builders Property Maintenance Multi Services, All jobs considered Repairs and Improvements Pool Cleaning Service Free Estimates and Advice All Areas Covered. Fully Legal Tel Jonno: 677 079 704(Day) 952 882 305(Eve)

Building Supplies Aim Building Supplies Las Chapas Poligono, Elviria, Marbella. Tel: 952 835 172

Car Traders Alhaurin Autos Cars bought and sold. LHD and RHD. Alhaurin el Grande. Tel: 661 964 014

Cleaning ‘We Care to Clean and We Clean to Care’ for your domestic property. Daily/Weekly cleans, Spring cleans, ‘One offs’, Moving house cleans and End of tenancy cleans. Contact Karen: 677 553 647 karencox@live.co.uk

Computer Repairs & Sales Mintmicro S.L. Computer Shop Alhaurin el Grande, for Inks, Sales - Repairs & Upgrades.Virus & Spyware Removal Open 10 - 6 Mon - Friday No Siesta. Saturday 10 - 2 Tel: 952 596 346 or Skype: mintmicro.support Email: info@mintmicro.es

Drain services Euro Drain Services CCTV surveys, Drain jetting, Septic tanks, Soakaway Installations. Fast and Effective 24hr blocked drain clearance. Call Darren 629 640 754 All areas.

Electrician 16th Edition BS7671 qualified, Apprentice trained, 21 years experience. Rewires, extra sockets, lights, fault finding etc. Pay as you go electric meters supplied and fitted, ideal for holiday lets, aircon etc. Ian: 650 151 569

Estate & Rental Agents www.spanserv.com Property for sale or rent. Horses for sale, Discussion forum. Tel: 616 218 617 or 619 638 498

Fish and Chip Shop The Boat House El Zoco Calahonda. Mijas Costa’s premier Fish & Chip Restaurant and takeaway. The best Fish & Chips on the Coast. Tel: 952930148 Open 7 nights a week

Fitness The Fitness Studio Calahonda offering, Aerobic 4 mums n Babies, Spin, Body Tone, Aerobox, Pilates, Yoga, K Boxing, dance & more! 637118 848 fitnessstudio@terra.es

Gardener 8 years in Spain, hedges and palms pruned & planted, turfing & fencing, tall trees a speciality. Properties tidied, monthly maintenance from 30€. Call Steve: 616 669 285

Glass Curtains RDMC Glass manufacturers and glass curtain and stainless steel specialists. Nave 16, Camino de Coin. Tel: 952 477 963

Elite Glass Curtains. Poligono Elviria 26 Elviria, 29600. Tel: 952 830 503

Hairdressers Hair Magic Calypso. Tel: 952 931 777

please mention the costa link magazine when responding to adverts

c osta l ink directory Internet

Painters

Y-Internet.com Y-Internet.com Broadband internet & teleBroadband internet &

phone service provider for telephone service provider residents, communities & for residents, communities holidaymakers. & holidaymakers. Tel: 952932266 or visit our Tel: 952932266 or visit our website www.y-internet.com website: www.y-internet.com for more information for more information

Lawyers VELASCO Y BALBÁS ABOGADOS Conveyancing Rentals Debt Collection Inheritance and Wills Insurances Litigation. Tel: 952 808 477 Fax: 952 808 724 Avd. España 220, 3ºC, 29680, Estepona.

info@vbabogados.com

Professional painting. Interior and exterior and decorative painting. www.artdecoxxiplus.com Tel: 667 235 741 after 3p.m.

Photography Jennifer Jane Photography for all occasions. Weddings, Birthdays, Portraits, and Commercial. All events covered. Tel: 661 194 653 www.byjenniferjane.com

Printing & Signage Eyeprint Business cards, flyers, signage, display stands. Tel: 951 310 395

Removals Companies The Depot

Locksmiths Costa Locks 24 hour emergency locksmith. Patio doors secured, safes opened and fitted. Tel: 952 660 233 or 667 668 685

Locksmith 24Hour Tel: 666 089 427 www.knockoutlocks.com

Marble Floor Polishing NON-SLIP, LASTING SHINE, NO MESS OR DUST. SPECTACULAR RESTORATIONS. FULL GRINDING SERVICE TEL: 608 455 104 BLITZ OF ELVIRIA

International and local removal specialists. Pol. Ind San Pedro, Marbella. Tel: 952 450 487

Satellite TV Kings Klub Sky Installations, all viewing cards, digiboxes, Sky and Sky HD, dishes and re-alignments, community systems, parts and labour guaranteed for 1 year. Tel: 951 273 538 www.kingsklub.com

GB TV Sky installation within 24 hours. Sky cards, re-alignments and activations Tel: 658 084 802 or 658 084 806.

Security Fortress Security All steelwork. Grills, gates, fences, balconies, garage doors. Tel: 952 931 128

Dragon Security Systems Concept smoke screen system, CCTV, Intruder alarm systems and more. Tel: 670 954 409

Tile Warehouse Hard Rock Tile showroom and warehouse. Kitchens and appliances, bathrooms, marble, granite and paint. Tel: 951 275 257

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