Philadelphia City Paper, April 1st, 2010

c typaper [ p h i l a d e l p h i a ]

Food | No fooling: Eat these octopus balls!

News | Ramsey: sees no evil; Hoeffel: liberal, proud : film | indie invasion

p h i l a d e l p h i a’ S i N d e p e N d e N T W e e K lY N e W S pa p e R

april 1 - april 8, 2010 #1297 |

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BQ

Book Quarterly

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MONDAY APRIL 5th 2010

THE GRAND OPENING OF‌

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9th & CATHERINE STREETS

Find out more at www.wishingwellphilly.com

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editor’sletter

Take 30 days and see how well Curves can work for you.

By Brian Howard

Fools, Gold

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ASTHMA SUFFERERS:

Breathe Easier and Have Fewer Symptoms

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Temple University is conducting a clinical research trial to find out whether Twisthaler®, an FDA-approved medication, and a research medication taken together may help you have fewer asthma symptoms and breathe easier.

To be a part of this trial you must: Be 18 – 70 years of age Be a non-smoker or ex-smoker Have asthma for at least the past 6 months You will receive either Twisthaler® or Twisthaler® combined with a research medication. You will receive medical tests, including blood tests, at no cost during the trial.

You may be compensated up to $875 for finishing the trial. The trial consists of 14 visits and 2 phone calls to the research facility, Temple Lung Center, over 6 – 21 months.

we’ve got a profile on a hardcore liberal who believes his staunch progressivism is going carry him all the way to the governor’s mansion! We’ve got an investigation of a police commissioner who apparently doesn’t think Philly has a police discipline problem! a story about a group that thinks it can turn philly into an indie film mecca! a review of the city’s newest food craze: OCTOPUS BALLS! and the main feature in our Book Quarterly is about how people like poetry! Again!

Hooooooo boy! april Fools, right? actually, after a minor internal debate (and, OK, desperate pleas from our publisher) over whether we should seize on our april 1 pub date this week, we forewent discussion of that time-honored journalistic tradition: an april Fools issue (much to patrick rapa’s eternal chagrin). instead, we ended up with a lineup of stories both strange and true.

For starters, we’ve got poetry. You probably thought that verse was good and dead after people like Henry rollins began calling themselves poets and shouting their shit with neck veins a-bulging.

Yet poetry has weathered the storm, and, says a.D. amorosi, who’s been composing his own brand of dada word puzzles in his icepack column since the Tristan Tzara days, philadelphia is no longer trying to stab its poets or put cigarettes out on their faces. Buttressed by Ca Conrad, Frank Sherlock, ish Klein, Sonia Sanchez, Thomas Devaney and more, there is, once again, a thriving poetry scene in philadelphia (p. 18). Weird, right?

Or consider the strange tale of the four guys vying to be the Democratic nominee for Ed rendell’s seat, not one of whom seems to have a puncher’s chance against each other, let alone

Cover PhotograPh by neal santos design by reseCa Peskin

against republican attorney General Tom Corbett. in the first of our Candidates anonymous series on this gang of low-profile would-be-govs, staff writer Holly Otterbein gets the straight dope from former U.S. rep Joe Hoeffel, a man who’s letting his liberal flag fly at a time when progressives are being targeted (figuratively, literally) by tea baggers partiers across the country on Fox News every day.

Godspeed to him (p. 16).

Then there’s andrew Thompson, who uncovers statements made under deposition by police chief Charles ramsey which suggest the top cop is either blissfully ignorant of or simply unconcerned with perceived problems in the police disciplinary system (p. 14).

Molly Eichel’s got a profile on a group that calls itself, seriously, pUFF that’s teaming with the piazza at Schmidts and its big effing screen to give us a chance to see the art-house flicks that usually screen only in New York, Chicago and l.a. (p. 35). and then there are those octopus balls. No, it’s not what you’re thinking, but Trey popp insists that the tentacle-laden orbs at Maru Global Takoyaki will change your life (p. 52). i’ve had them, and they will. No fooling. (bhoward@citypaper.net)

contents We love you, Conrad

Naked City/Bell Curve .............................. 8 Man Overboard!............................................ 9 Loose Canon/This Modern World .. 12 Cover Story ................................................... 18 Arts & Entertainment.............................. 32 Music Picks .................................................. 37 Movie Shorts ................................................ 41 The Agenda/Icepack............................... 44

For more information call 215-707-1359 or e-mail breathe@temple.edu and refer to study 12618.

This information is approved by Temple University for public display and is associated with project 12618.

DJ Nights ........................................................ 46 Food & Drink ................................................ 52 Feeding Frenzy ........................................... 54 I Love You/I Hate You ............................... 56 Jonesin’ Crossword ................................ 64

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5

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Celebrate Life! …and never miss the chance to enrich it!

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cpstaff

.net

We made this

Publisher Paul Curci Associate Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Brian Howard Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Jeffrey C. Billman Senior Writer Isaiah Thompson Staff Writer Holly Otterbein Associate Editor and Web Editor Drew Lazor Arts Editor and Copy Chief Carolyn Huckabay Deputy Arts and Entertainment Editor Molly Eichel Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Meal Ticket Contributors Felicia D’Ambrosio, Marie DiFeliciantonio Contributing Editors Sam Adams, E. James Beale (sports) Contributors A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Debra Auspitz-Galler, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Charles Cieri, Mark Cofta, Will Dean, Jesse Delaney, Jakob Dorof, Deesha Dyer, David Faris, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Lauren F. Friedman, Cindy Fuchs, Ptah Gabrie, Julia Harte, Dan Hirschhorn, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Brian James Kirk, Gary M. Kramer, Gair Marking, Natalie Hope McDonald, Andrew Milner, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Trey Popp, Robin Rice, James Saul, Daniel Schwartz, David Snyder, Jon Solomon, Amy Strauss, Andrew Thompson, Tom Tomorrow, Sam Tremble, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Kelly White, Lewis Whittington, Christopher Wink Editorial Interns Christine Adkins, Mandy Bee, Brendan Bianowicz, Lara Coleman, Emily Currier, Kevin Devine, Alexandra Harcharek, Sam Kaplan, Josh Middleton, Eric Pettersson, Tom Tiballi, Julia West Webmaster Marc Steel Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Systems Administrator John Tarng Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Editorial Designer Allie Rossignol Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Designer Alyssa Grenning Contributing Photographers Michael M. Koehler, Jessica Kourkounis, Michael T. Regan, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Jeffrey Bouchard, Ryan Casey, Kris Chau, Don Haring Jr., Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Accounts Receivable Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel Advertising Sales Manager Angela Serafine (ext. 215) Senior Account Managers Robb Allison (ext. 252), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Mia Salazar (ext. 250), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Natalie Diener (ext.

257), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Adult Advertising Sales Rick Hicks (ext. 236) Office Coordinator Alexis Pierce (ext. 234)

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Authors must sign their name for publication and each must contain an address and telephone number for verification, although neither address nor telephone number will be published. Unsolicited submissions are welcome but must be accompanied with a SASE if return is desired.

track us down ➤ Op-Ed: Brian Howard, bhoward@citypaper.net ➤ News: Jeffrey C. Billman, jeffrey.billman@citypaper.net ➤ Music: Patrick Rapa, pat@citypaper.net ➤ Food: Drew Lazor, drew.lazor@citypaper.net ➤ Arts: Carolyn Huckabay, carolyn.huckabay@citypaper.net ➤ Movies: Molly Eichel, molly.eichel@citypaper.net ➤ Calendar Listings: Molly Eichel, listings@citypaper.net

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naked

the thebellcurve

city

CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 4] At a forum on flash mobs, former Phila­

delphia Prison Commissioner Leon King says the city should take the money that’ll be spent on guilty youth,and instead spend it on rec centers. In prisons.

[0]

Attorney General Tom Corbett’s spokes­ person claims that the lawsuit he filed over health­care reform won’t incur any additional costs on taxpayers. “It’s just a stupid political thing I did,” he explains.

“Don’t worry about it.”

[ + 1 ] Art history experts determine that a local

family’s“face jug,”which was long stored in their attic, is a rare artifact made by South Carolina slaves.The Mütter Museum gets like a big huge boner imagining a jug full of human faces.

[ -2 ]

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[ -1 ]

According to the Pennsylvania Liquor Con­ trol Board’s sales figures, Philadelphians are buying cheaper alcohol, and buying it in larger quantities. Adding, “From us.

Bwahahaha!”

The Phillies fan who offered sex for World Series tickets to an undercover cop is found guilty of attempted prostitution.And Bucks County prosecutor Stephen Jones puts his hand up looking for a high five, but every­ body leaves him hanging because he has wasted everybody’s time and money when there is real work to be done.And he goes home and does a lot of soul­searching, thinking back to when it was all about help­ ing people,not just chasing headlines.And he tries to cry, but only sand comes out.

[ + 1 ] Stu Bykofsky likens Mayor Nutter to a

“truffle­hunting hog,”“Dr. Frankenstein” and a guy“feeling between the sofa cush­ ions for loose change.” He’ll act out these archaic metaphors and more at his new one­man show, Stu Cracked Corn and He Don’t Care, debuting at Society Hill Playhouse this weekend.

[ + 1 ] The city launches its “UnLitter Us” cam­

paign, in which spoken word poets speak out against litter. And literacy.

[0]

Vincent Fumo’s fiancée says she’s still in love with him, despite the fact that he’s currently in jail. Know what, lady? We’ve been screwed by Fumo, and in a sick way we kinda miss it, too.

This week’s total: 4 | Last week’s total: 7

evan m. loPez

amillionstories Now Googling “amplexusing”

T

his is the first time we’ve ever said this, and it may very well be the last, so listen closely: The department of licenses and inspections (l&i) has become more efficient. it sounds implausible, like if we told you that Joey vento oversaw his son’s gay wedding to a Mexican construction worker, or that mayor michael nutter shaved his goatee — something that signifies that a giant hole has been ripped in the fabric of space-time.

But in a gigantic victory for everyone who ever thought l&i could get a little more streamlined (the number of people with this opinion is estimated at around 1.5 million), the city announced on March 20 that the department has found enormous savings in how it demolishes buildings — 50 percent, in fact. The cost of ridding the city of a three-story row home has decreased to $13,000 from $26,000. And, considering that l&i performed 345 demolitions last year and is on track to perform 625 in 2010 (and on buildings larger than just row homes), that adds up. (l&i Commissioner Frances Burns says she doesn’t know to what degree the ratio of those savings translates to larger commercial buildings, but that most demos are row homes, because the city’s got an apparent shit-ton of derelict ones sitting about.)

Essentially, the cost-saving strategy comes down to three main changes, plus one leverage of circumstance: l&i has bundled properties together when it solicits bids instead of auctioning

off individual sites, thus saving money similar to buying a gargantuan, industrial jar of mayo from Sam’s Club instead of a bunch of smaller, higher-price-per-ounce ones at the Acme. That same strategy is used in specific contracts per job — so instead of putting out three contracts for different work on the same job, that’s all been consolidated. l&i also now puts all of its non-emergency bids through the city’s procurement process, to ensure that the bids it accepts on these projects are the lowest and best offers.

This was not done before, for some reason. lastly, in a rationale surprisingly frank for a press release, “the contractors need work so they are lowering their bids to obtain the demolition contract awards.” in other words, labor comes cheap these days — a truism that has yet to be employed in the rest of City Hall.

Prime time for amplexusing!

➤ Dept. of humping amphibians

The toads are just trying to get laid, man.

Which is why, on the night of March 22, more than 800 of them attempted to cross the perilous Eva Street to reach the >>> continued on adjacent page

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amillionstories <<<

E Va N M . l O p E z

roxborough reservoir, a body of water that’s basically the toad equivalent of the Jersey Shore Jacuzzi. (in reality, the toads prefer the reservoir for mating because it’s one of the largest bodies of water in the area where the likelihood that turtles or fish will eat their eggs is lowest.)

Sadly, only 600 of the toads completed their quest. The others were struck by oncoming traffic, and even more likely would have died had it not been for toad detour, a philly-based group of about 100 volunteers that arrived on the scene to deliver hundreds of horny toads (and some frogs) to their mating grounds in one piece.

This year’s migration was particularly deadly because the toads hit the streets a few weeks earlier than expected.

“We had a few very warm days in a row,” says lisa levinson, Toad Detour’s coordinator. “and when the ground thaws, that’s their signal to migrate.” For Toad Detour, that meant a jogger alerted the group of the toad invasion on the morning of March 22, and volunteers were pounding the pavement by 7 p.m. that night.

To prevent an even greater toad slaughter — and to keep drivers from thinking they’ve entered some Magnolia-like hell, where frogs plop from the sky by the hundreds — the philadelphia Streets Department gave Toad Detour permission to close Eva Street and a part of port royal avenue as needed until april 16,

when the toads stop amplexusing (that’s toad for “screwing”). in the meantime, if you want to volunteer to save a few hundred toads, sign up at toaddetour.com. Or just amble down to Eva Street between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. on a rainy day — prime time, apparently, for amplexusing. ➤ We’ve got high hopes

This week’s report by Brian Howard, Holly Otterbein and Andrew Thompson.

E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net.

By Isaiah Thompson

DiviDenDs, baby ➤ What’s the difference between a bank

and a governor? Banks pay lousy interest rates!

But seriously, folks: The race for governor is heating up, and Pennsylvania being the Temple of Democracy that it is — we’re proudly one of just 11 states to have no limit on campaign donations — money is pouring, nay, tsunami-ing, into candidates’ coffers. It may be impossible to get 2 percent at the bank right now, but governors, apparently, are still a good investment — depending on the governor: Investors do get picky.

The natural gas drilling industry, for example, has picked Republican Attorney General Tom Corbett as the receptacle of choice for most of the money — some $360,000 worth — it has thrown at the race. They just like him, I guess … and, of course, his stance against a tax on gas production. The industry, he says, is still too young to tax (not too young, though, for ExxonMobil Corp., which just spent $41 billion to expand natural gas drilling operations in the region).

You might say it’s an odd position to take — denying Pennsylvanians the fruits of a massively profitable industry, already taxed in all but four of the 32 states in which it exists — for a guy who cares so much about our pocketbooks that he just sued the federal government for passing health care legislation. But that’s the beauty of democracy: Where were the cancer victims’ and diabetics’ checks the last time Corbett passed the hat?

Still, even Gov. Ed Rendell — who has taken plenty of gas money, and who last year rejected a gas tax, but went ahead and leased state forest land to make the money instead — is calling continued opposition to a gas tax crazy. Rendell, The Philadelphia Inquirer reports, recently told a conference of gas drillers that they’re losing public support by avoiding taxes. He recounted that he had invited the CEOs of four gas companies to his mansion to discuss a “modest and reasonable” tax — but had been stood up by three of them.

Maybe they had another appointment: all three — Atlas Energy, Range Resources Corp. and Chesapeake Energy Corp. — have made significant deposits to Corbett’s campaign. After all, why invest more time or money on a guy who wants to tax you, when Corbett, after just a few hundred thou, is promising dividends, baby?

Isaiah Thompson worships at the Temple of Democracy.

E-mail him at isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net.

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as if you needed further proof that philadelphia fans are capital-F Fanatics (beyond that you can now, for realzies, buy grass seed formulated by Citizens Bank Park’s head groundskeeper), behold: phans of a team that is absolutely swimming in money — thanks to effectively leveraging a state-of-the-art, publicly subsidized stadium, and to a ridiculously rabid fan base that’s already put 2010 attendance over 3 million in season ticket sales — are pooling their nickels and dimes to have a statue of the dearly departed voice of the team, harry Kalas, erected outside said stadium.

This all started, as things do these days, on the Facebook, when phillies fan/college student antonio José started a petition the day after Hall of Fame announcer Kalas collapsed in the press box of Nationals park last april, imploring: “philadelphia has a rocky statue. Don’t you think Harry has done more for this city than rocky did?”

José, after starting the group/petition, stopped paying attention to the page because, well, he was a 19-year-old college student and DJ. “i wandered off and did my own thing,” says José, now 20, who grew up around Temple and is a graphic design student at Community College of philadelphia and a hip-hop/house dJ. While he was studying and spinning, the FB group’s membership hit 17,000 or so. One of the petition signers was acclaimed Vermont-based, Merion-native realist sculptor lawrence J. nowlan. Nowlan, a Millersville and paFa alum, embraced the project and spun it into the nonprofit foundation dear harry, inc. (harrykalasstatue.com). at present, there are 23,600 petitioners for a campaign that’s raised approximately one-third of the $80,000 needed to cast the bronze likeness, with an april 23 bash at McFadden’s, a June 1 golf tournament at Huntingdon Valley Country Club and some pending corporate sponsorships in the offing. Nowlan says they’ll also sell bronze castings of the original 20-inch model.

On one hand, you have to appreciate the “we paid for the stadium, we’ll build a statue for it if we want” attitude. On the other hand, $80,000 is chump change for a team that’ll shell out $31,500 per day this year for the services of raúl ibáñez.

Nowlan’s on record as not wanting to ask the team for money, which, y’know, shouldn’t preclude the team from offering it, anyway. The team’s official statement, from Senior Vp of administration and Operations Mike Stiles, is cagey: “We appreciate the fans’ effort to honor Harry’s memory. We look forward to seeing the final product and we’re certainly willing to consider accepting it for placement at the ballpark.”

But, according to Nowlan — who just returned from the team’s spring training complex in Clearwater, where, he says, he was treated like a visiting dignitary — “i think an organization that size can’t commit to anything until they actually see it, but i don’t have any doubt” that they’ll display the statue.

Of course, if you were promising to drop an $80,000 piece of sculpted bronze in our laps, we’d treat you real sweet, too.

manoverboard!

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[ is in a magnolia-like hell ]

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sportscomplex

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By E. James Beale

Whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got the beat?

Learn More.

Hear More.

Experience More.

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â&#x17E;¤ This spring, jusT a few months after the phil­adel­phia phil­l­iesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; season ended with their second consecutive Worl­d Series appearance, and just after they added Al­l­-Worl­d pitcher roy Hal­l­aday, a funny thing happened: No one was there to cover them. First Scott lauber, formerl­y of The Wilmington News Journal, l­eft to head north and cover the red Sox, l­eaving the beat in the hands of a basketbal­l­ guy. Then Andy Martino abandoned his home at The Philadelphia Inquirer after one short season and returned to the New York Daily News, where heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;l­l­ enjoy his new l­onger off-season covering the Mets with former Cal­kins media col­umnist Mike Siel­ski, who just l­eft the phil­l­y â&#x20AC;&#x2122;burbs for the The Wall Street Journalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s newl­y created beat. As if three doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make a trend, this comes on the heel­s of famil­iar faces Todd Zol­ecki and Jim Sal­isbury â&#x20AC;&#x201D; both formerl­y of the inky â&#x20AC;&#x201D; l­eaving the dail­y for the cozy confines of onl­ine journal­ism.

Al­l­ of which begs the question: Why doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t anyone want to cover the phil­s in print?

There are a coupl­e of prominent theories. First, the sky-is-fal­l­ing theory: Newspapers simpl­y canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t keep their own. it is not total­l­y without merit. put simpl­y, job security around these parts isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t at an al­l­-time high. And with at l­east three l­ocal­ sports reporters having been rel­ieved of their duties over the l­ast 18 months â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Mike radano, Ken Mandel­ and Kevin roberts â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and the ownership situation of the Inquirer and Daily News in fl­ux, it isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t inconceivabl­e that several­ papers decide to pool­ their beats, much l­ike what happened in Dal­l­as.

The second theory â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the hamburger theory, if you wil­l­ â&#x20AC;&#x201D; is that papers can trot out anyone to cover the boys of summer, and have it be read. There is some truth to this, too. According to the inky, page views do not rise or fal­l­ depending on who writes the stories. inky sports editor Jim Cohen admits that the beat is increasingl­y a young personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s game. So l­ong as whoever hol­ds the chair is fine with near-constant Tweets, chats and bl­og posts, the paper seems fine with turnover. in short, it just might not make financial­ sense for papers to serve top dol­l­ar for steak when their customers wil­l­ pay just as wel­l­ for hamburger â&#x20AC;&#x201D; ergo, another coupl­e of rookies on the beat.

Or, theory three: Maybe itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s al­l­ a coincidence. â&#x20AC;&#x153;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not l­ike we al­l­ got down to spring training and decided we needed to find a way out,â&#x20AC;? Martino points out. And each of the three did have opportunities that seemed hard to turn down.

Whil­e each of these theories have merit, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re al­l­ incompl­ete: phil­l­ies writers arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t l­eaving because theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not wanted. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re l­eaving because the home team is good. real­l­y.

Coming off two straight Worl­d Series appearanc-

es, the phil­l­ies have become as high-profil­e as any team not pl­aying in the American league East.

On top of that, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re choked to the brim with accessibl­e personal­ities l­ike Jimmy rol­l­ins, Shane Victorino and Jayson Werthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Beard, al­l­ of whom give scribes pl­enty to write home about. The team is not onl­y pl­aying through October, but al­so staying interesting throughout. For writers, that is a godsend.

Cal­l­ this the Travis Knight corol­l­ary. Shaquil­l­e Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Neal­ used to joke that he makes pl­ayers rich simpl­y because of his presence: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Guys have made l­ivings off me,â&#x20AC;? Shaq said in 2004. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Nick Anderson got a new contract, Travis Knight got a new contract off me. As a matter of fact, Derek Fisher cal­l­ed me yesterday to

Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re leaving because the home team is good. thank me.â&#x20AC;? (Fisher had recentl­y signed with Gol­den State.) The funniest part about that quote?

That someone gave Travis Knight a second NBA contract. The second funniest part? Shaqâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s assessment was spot-on. in the right situation, a pl­ayer wil­l­ have opportunities that comparabl­e pl­ayers simpl­y donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t.

Just l­ike Travis Knight was l­eft open for jumpers in front of every GM as they watched the pl­ayoffs, so, too, have phil­l­ies writers been given the chance to be seen. Now, iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not saying that Martino, lauber and Siel­ski (and Zol­ecki and Sal­isbury before them) didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t deserve their new opportunities, but i donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think it is unfair to suggest that they got them not onl­y because of their work, but al­so because of their visibil­ity. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sel­fishl­y, this is stil­l­ a good pl­ace to cover sports,â&#x20AC;? Martino tol­d me l­ast week, his l­ast on the job. â&#x20AC;&#x153;it real­l­y is.â&#x20AC;?

Guys make their livings off E. James

Beale. E-mail him at e.james.beale@ citypaper.net.

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loosecanon

By Bruce Schimmel

Flash Rage ➤ The sTronger They stood, the weaker they seemed. Days after

a Saturday night flash mob of teens rolled through South Street, a long line of philly’s top cops stood shoulder-to-shoulder around a dry fountain in Headhouse Square. They were a backdrop, a prop for a pissed-off mayor, who declared to cameras that he won’t put up with “this behavior for any reason, under any circumstances.”

Behind the blue line stood Society Hill Towers, creating a symbolism that was idiot-proof. Here was the line beyond which the “knuckleheads” — as Nutter called — would not pass.

“We’re not going to put up with this stupidity. We’re not messing around,” Nutter growled, promising swift and severe retribution against both child and parent. it was a modern morality play, a civic charade. But with the hordes at the gates, you sometimes have to rattle the sabers. Still, it was just a show, which at best will provide only a breather before the summer heat arrives, and rage pops up like a Whac-A-Mole. philly’s flash rages are an innovation in intergenerational warfare, one that renders brute force practically irrelevant. So as i looked down the cops’ blue line, i thought of a barrier that France had once built: the Maginot line of concrete bunkers around which the Germans easily marched.

“We don’t know where a problem will arise,” admitted police Commissioner Charles ramsey. “it seems spur-of-the-moment,” adding that cops can’t endlessly “chase around packs of teenagers.”

Nutter was angry, but he also seemed genuinely befuddled.

He grew up in a middle-class family, with a good and tough taskmaster for a dad. And so i believe him when he says he does not understand why flash mobs, friendly elsewhere, turned so vicious in philly. “i don’t know why, and i don’t care about the motivation,” said Nutter. “i didn’t run for mother,” he added, trotting out a favorite line he’s used to fight litter, but which rang hollow here.

Many kids get nuts, i think it safe to say, because they don’t have functional mothers. They’re the abused of the abused, who ache to vent their rage on a wide, public stage, because they aren’t being heard in their home neighborhoods. i teach journalism at the Youth Study Center, where some of the rioters are being held. And if you respectfully ask why kids go downtown to riot, their reason is, well, reasonable.

“You go downtown,” said one 19-year-old i’ll call Anthony, “so you’ll attract more attention. Everybody’s not going to come to your neighborhood. But they’ll go to South Street.”

These teens seek the limelight for the same reasons protesters demonstrate for jobs or against war. To be seen. To be heard. For the teens, it’s a moment of fame to validate their rage. Against parents who abandon or pimp them. Against neighborhoods controlled by drug lords and gunrunners.

These teens have a lot to protest about. But unlike more civil protesters, they have’nt learned to be heard in a peaceable way.

And, sadly, we have a mayor who’s not yet interested in listening.

“You want to join together, be together in the City of Brotherly love,” continued Anthony. “But they — we — don’t know how.” it’s been said that a riot is the voice of the voiceless. And if we do give these teens a chance to be heard, we won’t have to worry about their need to be seen. (bruce@schimmel.com)

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They’re the abused of the abused.

feedback From our readers

SACRED COWS, SLAUGHTERED When the facts are revealed that the sacred cow is no longer sacred, but a bull let loose to rampage, who will step up to stop it [Cover Story, “The Fall Guy,” Isaiah Thompson, March 18]? We as African-Americans seem to be stuck in an illusion that our actions are OK as long as we can blame the larger society for it, why we create children we can’t afford or know how to raise, why we abuse drugs, and the list goes on and on. Well, this time the buck stops with the mothers and fathers of South Philadelphia.

Be responsible. If you know that your child and their friends are terrorizing other children and you are not making them accountable for their actions, what message are you sending? When the social fabric is ripped and destroyed and we truly live in a ghetto where no life can exist, who will you blame? I challenge every parent whose child is part of this reign of terror to bring your child in and make him or her take responsibility for their actions NOW. We were once a proud, loving people. What are we now, what have we become, for our children to act this way in our community and schools?

Peace Warden V I A C I T y PA P e r . N e T

YOU LIE [U.S. rep. Joe] Wilson was right, Obama did lie. Wilson was just like the Supreme Court justice who would not sit there and be lied to. you lie. I have seen and heard the youTubes, no one “CHANTeD” nigger or spit [Soapboxer, “Fear and Loathing,” Jeffrey C. Billman, March 25]. Where did you get the word “CHANT”? There may have been spittle flying but not spit. you should not play with the TrUTH and then accuse others of doing so. Overheated rhetoric? How are the Tea Party protests different than Code Pink and Cindy Sheehan?

Are you suggesting that we trust O’s judgment? Had we listened to him who knows how many more good Iraqis that have tried to buck the religious nuts would be dead now had he just pulled our troops. How many more of the ex-Gitmo inmates would now be killing people around the world? Have you ever seen a president insult our allies and kiss up to our enemies like O? What happens when the money of those who make it runs out?

We repealed prohibition. Socialism next. All of this did not start with O nor will it end with him. I’m not fearing — just loathing.

Del V I A C I T y PA P e r . N e T Send all letters to Feedback, City Paper, 123 Chestnut St., 3rd Floor,

Phila. PA 19106; fax us at 215-599-0634; or e-mail editorial@citypaper.net.

Submissions may be edited for clarity and space and must include an address and daytime phone number.

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[ the naked city ]

GIVE THEM A CHOICE: Hoeffel is banking on his progressivism to take him to Harrisburg. neal santos

[ candidates anonymous ]

LiberaL Joe Hoeffel wears the label proudly, even in Pennsylvania. By Holly Otterbein

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A p r i l 1 - A p r i l 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

➤ Editor’s notE: This is the first in an occasional series on the

little-known Democratic candidates for governor. it’s March 4, and republican Attorney General Tom Corbett is about to accidentally pay Democratic rival Joe Hoeffel a sweet compliment. The two men, both vying to become pennsylvania’s next governor, are at a Greater philadelphia Chamber of Commerce forum along with the other four candidates in the race. it’s the first time the candidates have all been in the same room together; yet the debate thus far has not been mic-glomming competitive or even amusingly awkward, but rather strangely polite and terse.

The moderator poses a potentially riling question: How would the candidates grapple with the state’s “coming Armageddon,” the $20 billion pension gap? Despite their multifarious parties and constituencies and hometowns, though, the assembled — state rep.

Sam rohrer, a republican; and Allegheny County Executive Dan Onorato, Auditor General Jack Wagner and state Sen. Anthony H. Williams, all Democrats — proffer a similar solution: Cut pension benefits and consolidate pension plans. Not one mentions raising taxes. Then Corbett swiftly, and slyly, cuts into his Democratic opponents. “Quite honestly, i feel like i’m at a republican convention,” he says.

But Hoeffel, a Montgomery County commissioner, hasn’t spoken yet. Hoeffel is a tall and svelte man, yet he’s too foreboding to ever be deemed lanky. He’s also got a shiny, thoroughly bald head, and has probably been called Mr. Clean more than once in his life.

Hoeffel momentarily smirks at Corbett’s statement; without realizing it, Corbett has just articulated Hoeffel’s campaign strategy.

Hoeffel then launches into an explanation of how he’d avert a pension crisis through a graduated state income tax, a “robust” severance tax on the Marcellus Shale’s natural gas, and the closure of the so-called Delaware loophole, which allows businesses to avoid paying taxes by setting up shop in that state.

Absent much evidence that it’s viable, Hoeffel’s strategy is this: He will win the Democratic primary — and the general election — by

being the most progressive candidate on the ballot. He will tout his liberal positions on women’s reproductive issues, same-sex marriage and the environment. Said another way, he’s the only guy running who’d never in a million years be mistaken for a pol at a GOp convention, and he will use this fact to win the support of philadelphia, the philadelphia suburbs, the philadelphia exurbs and women who are charmed by his unwavering pro-choice position.

“The way to beat the GOp is not by running a conservative Democrat against a slightly more conservative republican,” he says.

“You’ve got to run a liberal Democrat. people want a choice.” indeed, he’s giving them one. But do pennsylvanians want it? ➤ HoEffEl Has long been a ladies’ man.

His relationship with the women’s rights movement goes back to the 1980s, when as a state legislator from Montgomery County he fought against the pennsylvania Abortion Control Act, long the ire of the pro-choice set. He also led the House debate against the bill — which requires that minors get parental consent for abortions, and women of all ages seeking abortions receive counseling first — and still calls for its repeal today.

Conversely, Onorato and Wagner are anti-abortion rights. And though Williams is also pro-choice, he doesn’t seem to advertise it like Hoeffel does.

“Being pro-choice is not just supporting the right of a woman to make a reproductive decision,” Hoeffel often says, “but it is being supportive of empowering women.”

There’s evidence that, in at least some circles, this progressive bravado is catching on. “He really gets women’s rights,” says Caryn Hunt, president of the philadelphia National Organization of Women, whose state pAC has endorsed Hoeffel. “He’s got a record of voting pro-choice, and he’s never caved on that in his entire career.”

“Hoeffel’s strategy is about all he has.”

in line with his liberal’s liberal strategy, Hoeffel also supports same-sex marriage.

He’s the only candidate who does. Taking a moderate-to-conservative position on gay issues is such a norm in pennsylvania politics that, even while trying to court the local gay rights group liberty City Democratic Club, Williams and Onorato admitted that they’ve long stood against gay marriage.

But here’s where Hoeffel really wants you to know he differs from Onorato, Wagner and Williams: He’s “very concerned” about the Marcellus Shale, a geologic formation below pennsylvania that’s ripe with natural gas. As such, politicians like Gov. Ed rendell are eying it as a veritable cash cow. But Hoeffel isn’t. He backs moratoriums on both leasing additional state lands and issuing new drilling permits, at least until more regulations are in place and more studies have been completed. (The aforementioned “robust tax” he wants to place on the Marcellus Shale refers to parts of it that are already being leased or drilled.)

Hoeffel is evidently willing to suffer for his views: He is one of only two Democratic candidates who didn’t receive funds last year from companies that stand to benefit from drilling or leasing the Marcellus Shale.

(Williams is the other; however, he entered the race this February, and campaign finance reports for the first quarter of 2010 won’t be available until the end of April.) it’s well known that the republicans running for governor are being wooed by gas and oil companies vested in the Marcellus Shale — Corbett, for example, received $180,000 last year from the wife of Terry pegula, CEO of East resources inc., which has leased hundreds of thousands of acres of the Shale. Most of the Democratic candidates, however, are doing it, too: range resources, a company that’s drilled the Marcellus Shale, gave Onorato $5,000 last year, and Wagner $1,000. Chesapeake Energy Corp., the single largest Marcellus stakeholder, gave Wagner $2,500 last year; and its director of corporate development, F. Scott rotruck, gave Onorato $2,200. Also, CNX Gas Corp., which has leased thousands of acres of the Shale, gave Onorato $1,000; and Dominion resources, inc. gave Wagner $500. The list doesn’t end there.

Asked what he’ll do when the same Marcellus Shale special interests come knocking on his door, Hoeffel is impudent.

“Do you really think they’re going to knock on my door, with my position?” he asks.

“They haven’t knocked yet, and they’re giving money to my competitors.”

But what if they do? Will you go on the >>>

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BQ BOOk Quarterly

words by A.d. Amorosi | photo by neAl sAntos

Philly verses the world

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how hostile City learned to love the poet.

On a freezing night in Feb­ ruary, Philadelphia poet CA Conrad got anointed.

There were no man­made thrones or leafy laurels at the Institute of Con­ temporary Art’s party for the release of his book, co­penned by Frank Sherlock, The City Real & Imagined: Philadelphia Poems.

Hell, this is the local scene we’re talking about. And it’s not as if Conrad, equal parts cherubic and witchy, is the king of poetry — in Philly or oth­ erwise — with a miter to hold and decrees to be writ into law. But like what happened to Andy Warhol when he showed his work at the ICA in 1965, you could sense something in the air. After years of readings at places like Bacchanal in the 1980s and North Star Bar in the ’90s, the tides had changed — for Conrad, for the poets he befriends (“all my favorite poets ever are living and local,” he says) and for Philadelphia poetry at large.

From its expansion into venues erudite and hip to its increased out­ reach through the Internet, Philly poetry is due for an uprising.

“I’m patient and work and work and read and write and work and read and write,” says Conrad of the time he’s put in. “Poetry’s the center of my world. So many people get into writing poetry, then give up because it doesn’t fulfill some external desire, whatever that is.”

Poetry in Philadelphia isn’t just an obsessive preoccupation for people like the activism­conscious Conrad. He’s publishing book after book and selling out those volumes. His 2009 Advanced Elvis Course (Soft Skull) scored him radio interviews and readings coast­to­coast — all of which might have to do with his mystical, dreamlike, savagely funny take on the myth and mirth of Presley­mania. Right before the King’s birthday in January, Conrad told me about his rebuttal to a group of nasty Elvis fans who’d threatened the poet’s life: He created a gay­heavy take on “Jailhouse Rock” and published it on his Web site. The poem, which makes John Rechy read like a Disney script, garnered Advanced Elvis Course even more publicity.

“I’ve been pushed into the mini­mainstream like a diseased guppy in a shark tank,” he laughs while reminiscing about the flak that he — an aggressively out and radical homosexual — received for his queer take on the King. “Sharks don’t want to even taste the diseased guppy, so I swim among their shit and surprise them by barfing on their teeth. It’s Elvis, after all, the force of a billion loving fans connecting all over the world in psychic space.”

Not only did Conrad receive the Gil Ott Book Award for last year’s Kafka­ \\\

esque The Book of Frank (Chax Press); after its initial run, that same book got picked up by Wave Pub­ lishing to be reissued in an ex­ panded deluxe edition due out this summer. “The original publisher couldn’t keep up with the demand and let it sell out because he ran out of money,” says Conrad, who’ll add at least seven new poems to Frank’s freak show — which should only further fuel the fire for a collec­ tion that encapsulates the filth and beauty of the world as only Conrad could taste it. “It’s definitely a book where the semen of cowboys can finally be properly worshipped.”

But it’s nOt just radical writers like Conrad, and it’s not just publishing.

“Eight PhillySound poets came out with books in the past year,” says Frank Sherlock of his and Conrad’s Philly­based poet pals, such as Ish Klein and Dorothea Lasky, who collectively run a Web site and podcast dedicated to their spoken word (phillysound.blogspot. com). “Publishers finally have their ear tuned to what’s been going on in this city during our last decade.”

Not since the mad dawn of the poetry­slamming ’90s has free and rhythmic verse become the focus at so many diverse venues. Not content to find itself nudged into a taproom’s slowest night with writers drunk­ enly spitting lousy verses to angry ears, poetry’s implicated itself into galleries, libraries and university writing centers with great momen­ tum and greater audiences.

The Free Library, which makes poetry a force to be reckoned with at April’s annual Free Library Fes­ tival, this year spotlights soulful Philly poetry mistress Sonia San­ chez. “The woman’s an institution, a trip and an Earth mother,” says the Free Library’s booker, Andy \\\

view the exCerPted Cover Poem, hand-written by Ca Conrad, at citypaper.net/cOverstOry.

Kahan, of snagging the local lu­ minary and author of the newly published Morning Haiku (Bea­ con) for the Fest. Better still is the Free Library’s long­running Monday weekly series. Monday Poets has picked up steam with a broader range of avant­garde writers joining in the discussion — and crowded houses to go with it. “Perhaps it’s because sharing poetry’s become more accepted and commonplace,” says Monday Poets organizer Amy Thatcher, that it’s no longer thought of as a “marginalized art form reserved for tenderfooted and serious­ minded intellectuals.”

Poetry readings in Philadelphia are a constant: To name just a few, venues include the Green Line Café (with veteran Philly poet Leon­ ard Gontarek at its helm), Mostly Books,UPenn’s KellyWriters House, Moonstone Arts Center, Rocket Cat Café, Chapterhouse and even Conrad’s own “Urchin” guerrilla series in which poets invade public spaces without warning. Take that, flash mobs.

“I was thinking about taking a break from hosting until the Green Line came along,” says Gontarek, a legend of Philadelphia poetry work­ shops who’s hosted events ranging from political discussions to silly af­ fairs in which poets read their own love letters and song lyrics from the ’80s.At Green Line, Gontarek offers up a talk­show format where two “guests” alternate between read­ ing and being interviewed by the hosts — he and Lisa Grunberger.

“It takes it out of the traditional stand­at­a­podium­and­read pre­ sentation, gives it a new setting,” he says. People genuinely interested in poets get their chance to find out about them at the Green Line, and even unwitting patrons will stop and listen. “Forget Warhol’s

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“Poetry’s alive in Philadelphia, as writing, as community, as an expression of and an exercise in activism.”

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15 minutes,” Gontarek says — “we make everyone famous for 30 minutes here in West Philly.”

Still, there’s no quicker path to prominence than the Internet. And local poets — from Ish Klein and her YouTube “BOO! Show” to Thomas Devaney, who created the poetry-film mash-up onandonscreen.net — are hitting the road.

“OnandOnScreen is relevant and fun,” says Devaney, who has already invited poets like Vincent Katz (painter Alex Katz’s son) and Philly’s Julia Bloch to pair their written words with complementary video clips.

“It’s a way to interface poetry with videos, which have become one of our common languages.”

Devaney has long understood poetry’s relevance and how important it is to advance it. A visiting assistant professor in poetry at Haverford College who also teaches creative writing at UPenn and who judged the poetry portion of City Paper’s most recent Writing Contest, Devaney is a published poet (A Series of Small Boxes, Letters to Ernesto Neto). “My own role in the scene has changed over the years,” says Devaney, who’s produced everything from “LIVE at the Writers House” on WXPN to the February ICA reading that helped launch Conrad and Sherlock’s poetic love letter to Philly, The City Real & Imagined.

“What’s just as exciting,” says Sherlock of this connectivity among poets, “is that there’s a younger group of poets who share our commitment to community and activist bend to poetry’s place in the world.”

But community — nay, a true sense of togetherness — hasn’t always been the norm.

N PoeTry CALendAr \\\

Gontarek and Conrad in particular share vivid, often harsh

(a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

talk wordy to me daniel Hoffman

14tH annual Poetry ink

(former U.S. Poet Laureate),Thu., April 1, 7:30 p.m., free, Swarthmore Public Library, 121 Park Ave., Swarthmore, swarthmorepubliclibrary.org.

Sun., April 11, noon, free, Moonstone Arts Center, 110A S. 13th St., 215-735-9598, moonstoneartscenter.org.

Germantown Poetry feStival

34tH Street PoetS

Mon., April 5, 5:30 p.m., free, Kelly Writers House, 3805 Locust Walk, 215573-9748, writing.upenn.edu.

Sat., April 17, 2-5 p.m., free, Germantown Friends School, 31 W. Coulter St., germantownpoetryfestival.org.

Sonia SanCHez

CHarleS BernStein

Thu., April 8, 6 p.m., free, Kelly Writers House, 3805 Locust Walk, 215-573-9748, writing.upenn.edu.

Sat., April 17, 1 p.m., free, Free Library Festival, 1901Vine St., 215-686-5322, freelibrary.org.

SaPPHire Sun., April 18, noon, free, Free Library

Ca Conrad and frank SHerloCk

Festival.

Sat., April 10, 8 p.m., free, University of the Arts, Connelly Auditorium at Terra Hall, 320 S. Broad St., uarts.edu.

BoB Perelman Sun., April 18, 2 p.m., free, Free Library Festival.

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memories of the darker, more dramatic days — like when someone tried to put a cigarette out on Etheridge Knight’s face after a Bacchanal reading, or when Daniel Keiner narrowly averted being stabbed while reading a politically charged poem that rubbed an audience member the wrong way. Even after performance artist Ketan Ben Caeser passed Conrad the torch to his North Star Bar poetry nights in the ’90s, the oddly violent, wholly unwelcoming atmosphere remained. “It was such a nightmare that I vowed to never run a series with living poets again,” says Conrad.

“I don’t miss that stupidity.”

Nowadays, the subgenre need not fight so hard just to be heard. The present-day scene, at least as these working poets see it, is more about sharing than selfishness, freedom over fisticuffs. From that place of calm, a more fruitful atmosphere of reading and publishing has sprung.

“Poetry’s alive in Philadelphia, as writing, as community, as an expression of and an exercise in activism,” says Conrad. “It’s better now than it has ever been since I’ve lived here. There was so much drama when I first arrived. It’s bizarre and makes for good stories, but poetry and community is far more valuable in ways that make bearable this stinking, sinking planet. Plato said that the poets should be banished from the city limits, but I’m glad he’s dead so that I don’t have to exert myself kicking his stupid ass.”

CA Conrad (left) and Frank Sherlock, photographed March 26 at Walking Fish Theatre, Kensington.

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REVIEWs N Parrot & olivier

in america

By Peter Carey

Knopf, 400 pp., $26.95,April 20

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fiction \\\ Peter Carey is experienced and distinguished enough, with a dozen novels and a pair of Booker Prizes to his name, that he knew well what he was getting into with Parrot & Olivier in America. His latest is a thick, meaty period piece, inspired by Alexis de Tocqueville’s 1831 tour of the United States. It spices dry Jacksonian history with period-appropriate picaresque.

And, as the title hints, it’s a buddy comedy, complete with a mismatched toffeenosed master and wily servant groping toward mutual respect and affection in the strange, egalitarian atmosphere of frontier America. The pitfalls of this premise are all too obvious. Period fidelity restricts the outlandish imagination that built an outback cathedral in Oscar and Lucinda. Likewise, the alternating-chapter master-servant pattern the book follows means we sometimes spend time with effete and self-deluding aristocrat Olivier that we would rather pass with Parrot, the sharp artist and forger sent to keep tabs on His Nibs. Despite these challenges, Carey’s skill wins out — both by presenting Tocqueville’s trenchant observations on the American character with a contemporary credit-crunch hindsight, and by managing his characters’ reconciliation so deftly that history recedes into the background. —Justin Bauer

N courage and

consequence

By Karl Rove

BQ Book QuArterly

Simon & Schuster, 596 pp., $30, March 9 politics \\\ Beware, gentle reader — for all the sins committed before

he ever took up his pen, Karl Rove’s worst offense may be in destroying the joy of books altogether. “Books were my savior,” he writes in Courage and Consequence: My Life as a Conservative in the Fight. “You can blame them for my love of politics, and the career it produced.” Enough to make the most ardent librarian go a little Fahrenheit 451. That statement comes during a surprisingly revealing opening chapter on Rove’s family background, including his parents’ breakup and his mother’s subsequent suicide. It wraps up, however, with an effortless slide into the sort of offense-as-defense attack that is the Kingmaker’s specialty, denouncing journalists who reported on his father’s alleged homosexuality as attacking Rove himself. It’s a tactic Rove uses throughout the book, painting himself as woefully misunderstood — characterizing the underhanded attacks which turned his name into shorthand for dirty tricks as little more than honest mistakes and journalistic smears. He wouldn’t lower himself to such tactics, he insists, because they simply aren’t effective. That he says this while slipping in long-refuted jabs at Al Gore and Barack Obama makes his aw-shucks approach about as convincing as saying “We don’t torture because it doesn’t work” while refilling your crystal waterboarding pitcher. Rove’s canonizing of his president, who he refers to as having “more charm and charisma than is allowed by law” at their first meeting, becomes more rabid and distorted as he defends the Iraq war and the administration’s Katrina response. But wonkish readers of whatever political persuasion may still find it easy to get wrapped up in the chapters detailing Bush’s races for governor and president, as modern politics’ most Machiavellian

mind delights in numbers and strategies. —shaun Brady

N still midnight

By Denise Mina

Little, Brown, 342 pp., $24.99, March 22 crime \\\ No doubt, Scottish author Denise Mina knocks out a right good sentence. Her snappy dialogue trips just as quickly off the tongues of criminals, cops and victims as the curses spill out in her main character’s working-class Glaswegian accent. Still Midnight, Mina’s latest tartan noir, is the first in a new and likely beloved series featuring coarse and conflicted detective sergeant Alex Morrow. A botched kidnapping spins quickly off into the parallel stories of Morrow, a cop who wears the chip on her shoulder as proudly as her stripes; Pat, the handsome amateur crim with a heart of gold; and Aamir, the aging shopkeeper mistakenly kidnapped by bumbling Pat. Although Still Midnight has all the right noir ingredients — sordid streets, red herrings, bitter backstories, bigotry, injustice, curdled dreams and hardened heroes — Mina overcooks her images and metaphors early in the novel, allowing her characters to wallow a little too long in their own neuroses before the story really starts clicking. The novel is most absorbing when Morrow sets her inner turmoil aside by focusing on the investigation at hand. Unfortunately, Mina seems more interested in analyzing her cop’s bilious affect than paying much heed to the crime she’s out to solve. —charVandermeer

N the day i shot cuPid

By Jennifer Love Hewitt

Voice, 208 pp., $24.99, March 23 self-help \\\ Someone really needs

BQ TRIVIA WEEK: GIVEAWAys All WEEK lonG AT citypAper.net/criticAlmAss.

to tell Jennifer Love Hewitt that writing books makes her ass look fat. Not since the publication of Richard Speck’s She’s Really Not That Into You, So Why Not Purchase a Ski Mask and Some Duct Tape has a more ill-conceived collection of dating and relationship advice been unleashed upon the public.

Calling Hewitt’s first venture into the world of writing a “breezy read” would be like calling Adolf Hitler a “wee bit of an anti-Semite”: The average Wasilla High dropout could finish this collection of lists, single-page quotes, cartoons and workout tips (yes, workout tips) in under an hour. The chapter dealing with the “Texting or Sexing” debate is a lengthy three pages long, although it’s so cringingly poorly written that it feels as if you’re working your way through the Bhagavad Gita. While The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m a Love-aholic fails on the romantic-advice level, it succeeds brilliantly as a document of the madness that gripped the American Empire in its final days. For that, we thank you, Jennifer H.P. Lovecraft Hewitt. —rodney Anonymous

N Bite me: a love story

By Christopher Moore

William Morrow, 320 pp., $23.99, March 23 fiction \\\ Something’s askew in the universe when Twilight scribe Stephenie Meyer rides the bat-outtahell vampire train to J.K. Rowling-level fame and fortune while a truly brilliant craftsman — Christopher Moore — toils in (relative) obscurity. His third vampire romp, Bite Me: A Love Story, continues where Bloodsucking Fiends (1995) and You Suck (2007) left off, with the adventures of Tommy Flood; his hot vamp girlfriend, Jody; their Goth minion, Abby >>> continued on page 22

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Two Philadelphia crime novelists shoot it out.

reviews (coNT.) Normal; Chet the Giant Hairless Cat; and The animals, Tommy’s posse of night-shift shelf stockers turned vampire fighters. Moore, author of last year’s Shakespeare-inspired Fool, pens the anti-Twilight: These vamps do precious little whining, instead quipping and fucking nonstop while battling vampire kitties, assisted by an orange-socked samurai and The Emperor of San Francisco (a street dweller who, like several characters, also pops up in Moore’s non-vampire novels — an extra treat for fans). Moore’s bloodsuckers follow genre rules, of course, with a few twists concerning mortality and animals, and a talent for “misting” — becoming fog to escape trouble. imagine an r-rated Buffy, a funny True Blood, a Twilight minus all that angsty posing, and you’re still only halfway to Bite Me’s down-anddirty grown-up fun. —Mark Cofta

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N The Man Who aTe his BooTs

By Anthony Brandt

Knopf, 396 pp., $28.95, March 2

BQ Book Quarterly

history \\\ The cold, arctic winds and serious snowfall that blanket anthony Brandt’s new work of nonfiction makes our philadelphia winters look pretty tame. The Man Who Ate His Boots puts readers in the shoes of the amateur royal Navy explorers as they set out on a quest for a shortcut to asia through the chilly waters north of Canada after the Napoleonic wars.

The book follows three main trends, and one harsh reality, of the British pursuit: the search for a quick and profitable circumspection of Spanish Central and South america in the 17th and 18th centuries; the tacit realization that ice would keep the passage closed to viable commercial traffic; the incorporation of the search into

British national character following their defeat of Napoleon in the early 18th century; and finally, people getting trapped and eating other people. peppered into these thematic bases are lengthy explanations of the politics, people and logistics involved in the main push north between 1818 and 1850. While these give invaluable insight, they are slow interludes between the much more harrowing adventures of John ross, Edward parry and the man with the boot in his mouth, John Franklin. —tom tiballi

N Your Presence is

requesTed aT suvanTo

By Maile Chapman

Graywolf, 256 pp., $23, March 30 fiCtion \\\ Maile Chapman’s debut novel makes a great case for commanding titles. Your Presence Is Re­ quested at Suvanto — yikes! The very words induce a chill, but at the same time beckon the reader in, deep into the snowy Finnish countryside, to Suvanto, an early-20th-century convalescent hospital, where Finnish and american women rest their troubled bodies and minds. No surprise, all is not well at Suvanto. The patients can be difficult, and often inscrutable, as they band together against their caretakers, unsettling even Sunny Taylor, the consummate nurse, who has escaped troubles of her own in america. With the arrival of a particularly unruly patient named Julia, and an american gynecologist harboring progressive ambitions, the atmosphere of Suvanto, already laden with institutional anxiety, becomes almost impossible to control. “One danger of constant observation,” Chapman writes ominously, “is that all the world, even tragedy, comes to seem anecdotal.” in

our old Boss Duane Swierczynski is on a crime fiction spree.

There was 2005’s Secret Dead Men, The Wheelman in ’06, The Blonde in ’07 and, of course, 2008’s gritty Severance Package — about a boss who plans to kill his employees. (Hey, didn’t he work at Cp when he wrote that?) His new one, Expiration Date (Minotaur, March 30), looks to be another bloody thrill ride, and one influenced by his day job as a writer for Marvel comics.Where Swierczy’s a grizzled old veteran, Dennis Tafoya is a relative rookie just out of the academy. Following up his impressive ’09 debut, The Dope Thief, will be The Wolves of Fairmount Park (Minotaur, June 22). Since Tafoya and Swierczynski are sitting at their computers anyway, we asked them to interview each other about the biz, the books and the city that inspires them to kill. \\\

duane swierCzynski:Why aren’t there more of us? and by “us,” i mean

philly crime writers? dennis tafoya: Maybe it’s because we can’t hold on to people generally,

so our writers wander away to other towns before they get an appreciation for just how fertile the city is for crime writers. … We’re the city that spawned David Goodis, but we’d rather talk about how cool Fishtown is, and our Stephen Starr restaurants and Manayunk and the statues all over town.

You do a ton of research into philly history. Do you see yourself writing historical fiction set here? ds:Funny you mention that. i have been working on a hardboiled historical novel set in philly — but it’s still in the early stages, and i’m superstitious about talking about books before they’re written.That said, i’m a huge philly history nerd and obsessed with this city’s past. if i had a time machine, i wouldn’t go back and kill, say, Hitler. i’d go back and walk around philly and look at everything. (This probably makes me a bad person.)

Speaking of breaking out of genre, i’ve heard from a reliable source (and this “reliable source” may have been you) that when you wrote Dope Thief, you didn’t really consider yourself a crime writer. is this true? dt: Yeah, when i wrote Dope Thief i thought i was writing a literary novel

with criminals in it, but my agent was the one who said, “Oh, no, this is a crime novel.” … i have to say that now i love being identified as a crime writer. i’ve always been a little obsessed with (real) crime and been a huge fan of writers like Elmore leonard and Charles Willeford and lawrence Block, and i think those guys have a ton to teach me. if i ever produce a novel that’s half as good as The Hunted or When the Sacred Ginmill Closes, i’ll die happy.

You’ve written nonfiction, you write Cable and a bunch of other comic series for Marvel, and now Expiration Date looks to stretch out of the crime genre to science fiction — would you like to try other genres? ds: Definitely. i think of my novels and comics as a big pot of soup. The

main ingredient, for lack of a better term, is “thriller” — in other words, stories where bad stuff happens to interesting people. Sometimes i’ll add heavy doses of espionage, sometimes it’s horror, often it’s black comedy. in Expiration Date, it’s a big shaker full of sci-fi. But i can’t help coming back to philly, even with the stranger stories. (editorial@citypaper.net) Duane Swierczynski will sign copies of Expiration Date Sun., April 11, 2 p.m., at Port

Richmond Bookstore, 3037 Richmond St., 215­425­3385, portrichmondbooks.com.

crimiNal miNds: read aN exTeNded versioN of “Noir TowN” aT Citypaper.net/Coverstory.

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reviews (cont.) our post-feminist times, we tend to romanticize women’s liberation or else ignore it altogether, but Chapman’s eerie (if at times aloof) novel reminds us of the personal pains endured on that road to progress — and the roaring silence of the female body just before it found its voice. —Katherine Hill

N The Dark enD of The STreeT

Edited by Jonathan Santlofer and S.J. Rozan Bloomsbury, 204 pp., $16, May 11

N Solar

By Ian McEwan Nan A.Talese, 304 pp., $26.95, March 30 fiction \\\ Spanning over nine years in the life of scientist Michael Beard, Solar gives itself plenty of time, and room, to delve deeply into the protagonist’s psyche. Beard’s brain, despite all its genius, is, as it turns out, an uncomfortable place to be. Solar presents an exacting portrayal of a man ironically intent upon saving the world as a distraction from his own personal drama. As is now his forte, or at least trademark, author Ian McEwan focuses an unflinching lens on the oftentimes surprising ways humanity expresses itself. In his drive to uncover every cranny of Beard’s character, McEwan has a tendency to be meandering (in an out-of-place trip to the Arctic) and overly detailed (in accounts of every single meal), occasionally employing contrived plot devices (readers be warned: The book’s back blurb whittles out about two-thirds of the plot, requiring patience to reach the end). Despite these shortcomings, the character of Beard, and his endless self-absorption, remains engrossing and believable.

For all his flaws, Beard is perversely sympathetic, as we watch in suspense while the many elements of his life — multiple affairs, research on solar energy and other surprises — build to a train-wreck finale. —emily currier

N ConTeSTeD Will

By James S. Shapiro

Simon & Schuster, 339 pp., $26,April 6 History \\\ James Shapiro, Shakespearean scholar at Columbia Univer-

sity, admits that the controversy over the literary authorship of Bardic works is too vast to cover in one volume. With Contested Will:Who Wrote Shakespeare? he doesn’t seek to solve any mysteries, but chronicles them into a fascinating comedy — and tragedy — of errors.

Adding credence to fakes were the existence of bastard plays and the early suggestion that many works were collaborations. And of course, scandal — that anyone from Christopher Marlowe to the Earl of Oxford were ghost writers — and rumors — that Will’s inside knowledge of the court can be explained by his amorous relationship with the Virgin Queen — abound.

How’s that for Shakespearean? With a rogue’s gallery of literati and Shakespearean scholars from every century hence to back him up, Shapiro’s witty investigation into these known theories is conducted with peerless authority; simply, it’s a history of the quest to prove and disprove if Shakespeare was Shakespeare. Shapiro not only repairs the historical record of literary conspiracy, but reveals the reasons, both academic and mythic, why they will never die. —Lewis Whittington

N The Boy WiTh The

CuCkoo-CloCk hearT

By Mathias Malzieu

Knopf, 172 pp., $22.95, March 2 fiction \\\ The title sounds like the next single from some tragic emo band, and for good reason: Mathias Malzieu moonlights as frontman of the dark, romantic French rock quintet Dionysos. His novel is set to the uninspiring theme of boy meets girl, falls for girl, loses girl, and on and on. The plot, then, becomes merely a thin spine that supports the rich imagery and charm-

ing idea of a heart being replaced with a wooden clock. Jack is the poor sap with the prosthetic beater who scours Europe for Miss Acacia, the flame who sets his little cuckoo clock ablaze. But he’s not alone. Jack is surrounded by characters: the witch-doctor midwife who delivered him and performed the great organ switch; her friend with the rusty spine and eggshells full of memories; a pair of whores (well, that’s what they are); and a lovesick magician. Jack and his lady are teenagers in this 19th-century romance, which only ups the ante on the angsty, brooding, emo feel. It’s easy to imagine that, were the story set in modern times, the only difference would be that they’d both be wearing eyeliner and snapping scowly MySpace photos in the bathroom mirror. —Julia West

N DaWn of The

DreaDfulS

By Steve Hockensmith Quirk, 287 pp., $12.95, March 23 fiction \\\ Steve Hockensmith’s prequel to Quirk Books’ hugely successful Pride and Prejudice and Zombies reignites a geeky love of all things Jane Austen — and all things undead.

Hockensmith — this time with no help from an original Austen text — introduces us to the Bennet family, who begin preparing themselves for zombie warfare after they witness a corpse thrashing his way out of a coffin. We come to understand how the Bennet girls — so sweet and thoughtful in Austen’s original — got schooled in monster murder, to hilarious effect.

As the girls’ prissy upper-class world becomes engulfed in zombie-riffic mayhem, brains — and other body >>> continued on page 24

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stories \\\ Neither especially titillating nor thrilling, the entries in The Dark End of the Street: New Stories of Sex and Crime are rarely the stuff of sexy noir. The subtitle promises tales to get the heart racing, but there is too little Kiss Kiss Bang Bang in these pages. It’s possibly damning with faint praise to say that Michael Connelly’s “The Perfect Triangle” may be the best of the bunch. His story of a lawyer helping out a stripper he’s smitten with is pulpy and satisfying. Other highlights include Laura Lippman’s “Tricks,” about a con artist gigolo and his mark, and editor Santlofer’s “Ben & Andrea & Evelyn & Ben,” which features an adulterer whose inability to keep it in his pants leads to murder. But while the concept of the collection — sex and crime, broadly defined — allows for all kinds of genres and interpretations, a majority of the entries are tame — or just lame. Janice Y. K. Lee’s “Deer” seems more suitable for The New Yorker than this volume.

Moreover, when Francine Prose opens “The Beheading” with, “As a child, I was fascinated by decapitation,” one might expect it to be provocative, or at least interesting. But like most of the stories in Dark End of the Street, it simply

comes up short. —Gary M. Kramer

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Harry tHe K

reviews (cont.) parts — get munched on with gruesome delight by the previously dead. all the while, Hockensmith’s wholly original novel maintains a proper austenian voice in an entirely genteel setting: Gentlemen politely discuss their intense desire to kill mobbing zombies and ladies chase the undead with delicate butterfly nets. it’s this ripe — and perhaps slightly twisted — contradiction to such a deliciously violent world that pushes Dawn of the Dreadfuls beyond standard secondbook-in-a-series fare. —Mandy Bee

N Appetite for AmericA

By Stephen Fried

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Bantam, 544 pp., $27, March 23

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coMing out leSS than a year after Harry Kalas died in a Washington broadcast booth, Harry the K: The Remarkable Life of Harry Kalas is anything but a hagiography. phillies beat writer randy Miller expounds upon Kalas’ “lifelong addictions — alcohol, cigarettes and carousing”; his taking up with eventual second wife Eileen while still married to his first; and the disintegration of his friendship with colleague Chris Wheeler. The biography also details Harry’s declining health in his final months; he’d already suffered a “‘silent’ heart attack” months before calling the last pitch of the 2008 World Series. Miller interviews a wide array, but his narrative is full of redundancies and loose facts. in the end, loyal fans would rather remember Harry for kinder moments — like providing personalized voice-overs for fans’ answering machines — and acts of generosity. —Andrew Milner \\\

BQ BooK QuArterly

nonfiction \\\ What was it like to be an american traveling cross-country in the late 1800s? according to Fred Harvey, it sucked. as Stephen Fried tells it in Appetite for America: How Visionary Businessman Fred Harvey Built a Railroad Hospitality Empire That Civilized the Wild West, Harvey was fed up with the accommodations that lined the nation’s railways. So, over the next half-century, he built an empire of rail-side eateries and hotels that became famous for their service and quality. But that’s not all: along the way, Harvey basically invented the Grand Canyon as a tourist destination, jump-started the american indian preservation movement, helped develop the National park system and even became one of the nation’s largest employers of women. Fried traces the growth of the Fred Harvey company from a hotel-and-restaurant chain to the huge conglomerate it became, using the narratives of the Harveys — Fred Harvey, son Ford and grandson Freddy — to guide the story. along the way, the Harveys brush shoulders with

some of american history’s most iconic figures: Susan B. anthony, Charles lindbergh, Jay Gould and Judy Garland (to name a few), as well as multiple presidents. The book is engagingly written and packed with fascinating information, including an appendix of original Fred Harvey recipes — the orange pancakes alone sound worthy of an empire. —Sam Kaplan

N ilustrAdo

By Miguel Syjuco

Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 320 pp., $26,April 27 fiction \\\ This amazingly inventive debut novel, winner of the 2008 Man asian literary prize, is a murder mystery heavy on autobiography that strains the limits of self-conscious metafiction. Similar in style to Junot Diaz and early Dave Eggers, Miguel Syjuco explores what it means to be a young Filipino writer nervous about his literary aspirations. Most surprising is that Syjuco has written himself into the book, as a main character compiling a biography of recently killed Filipino literary genius Crispin Salvador. The raw creativity that makes Salvador seem real is a truly remarkable accomplishment. The problem is that Syjuco splinters the novel into separate plot lines and alternating voices as he tries to cover centuries of cultural and political ground, and the modern Filipino diaspora, without finding a way to sustain the power of the brilliant prologue about Salvador. instead, too many pages are devoted to personal dramas about a baby and a coke habit and sarcastic worldly wisdom. a clever, final twist justifies only some of all the flashy literary games. While Syjuco comes up a bit short, he does so while gambling big. —Matt Jakubowski

net neutrality: more reviews at citypAper.net/criticAlMASS.

N By Randy Miller, Running Press, 336 pp., $24.95, March 9

tHe Bullpen Gospels DirK HAyHurSt iS a major league pitcher, but not the kind anyone would grab for their fantasy baseball team. His career consists of only three starts and 22 relief appearances, and after recent shoulder surgery, he’ll be out for most of the Toronto Blue Jays’ 2010 season. reviews for his debut book have been more promising: Sportswriters have offered high praise for The Bullpen Gospels, in which Hayhurst chronicles his 2007 season with the San Diego padres. He gets along with his teammates, but he’s set apart from them, too (he’s older, he doesn’t drink, he’s saving himself for marriage. The highlights of the book are his teammates’ stories, which could have been lifted straight from Old School — lots of booze, nudity, vomit, sex, pranks and nicknames. The Bullpen Gospels isn’t groundbreaking like Jim Bouton’s Ball Four or a tell-all like Jose Canseco’s Juiced, but it’s engaging and will get readers excited about opening day. it might also be the best baseball book since John albert’s Wrecking Crew. —Matt Hotz \\\

N By Dirk Hayhurst, Citadel, 340 pp., $14.95, March 30

tHe eastern stars no AutHor HAS ever been more at home writing about fish than Mark Kurlansky (Cod, Salt). Not that the skill comes in handy in a book ostensibly about the transformative effects of baseball on tiny San pedro de Macorís (aka “The Cradle of Shortstops”). The book’s examination of Dominican history — from pre-colonial through the bloody Trujillo dictatorship to the present — is enlightening. But the baseball sections of The Eastern Stars: How Baseball Changed the Dominican Town of San Pedro de Macorís — particularly those driven by reportage — are composed with what could graciously be described as an elementary understanding of the game. (That the book’s appendix of San pedro major leaguers is riddled with errors further torpedoes its bona fides.) Kurlansky doesn’t seem to know what kind of book he wanted to write — a history, a sociological tract, a bio — and ultimately fails to deliver on the promise of the subtitle. He concludes with the lure of MlB money, which is just the starting point for this discussion. —Brian Howard \\\

N By Mark Kurlansky, Riverhead, 288 pp., $25.95, April 15

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educationGUIDE

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‹ philadelphia univerSitY offerS aCCelerated degree Completion program

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ooking for enhanced career options? Admission into a master’s program?

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he Art Institute of Philadelphia is a private college in Center City Philadelphia with an enrollment of over 3,500 students in the fall of 2009. The college offers Bachelor of Science degrees in Advertising, Audio Production, Culinary Management, Digital Filmmaking & Video Production, Fashion Design, Fashion Marketing, Graphic Design, Industrial Design Technology, Interior Design, Media Arts & Animation, Photography, Visual Effects & Motion Graphics, and Web Design & Interactive Media. Students may also earn Associate of Science degrees in Culinary Arts, Digital Filmmaking & Video Production, Fashion Design, Fashion Marketing, Graphic Design, Interior Design, Photography, Visual Merchandising, and Web Design ➡ conTinued on page 26

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he three-year, fully accredited master’s degree acupuncture program at the Won Institute prepares you for a worthwhile career in a field with growing employment opportunities in integrative medical centers. Acupuncture combines the personal satisfaction gained from being part of a healing profession with the security of a recession-resistant occupation in an ever-expanding area of healthcare. You will have excellent earning potential either in your own practice or with others. Start your career at www.woninstitute.edu or email admissions@woninstitute.edu.

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➡ continued from page 25 & Interactive Media. Diploma programs are offered in Baking & Pastry and Culinary Arts.

Educational programs at The Art Institute of Philadelphia provide balanced, quality education in applied arts technology and techniques, related business practices, and general education. From curriculum to equipment, programs provide students with the skills necessary to join their chosen career fields.

Each year, The Art Institute of Philadelphia graduates hundreds of designers, animators, photographers, and digital media artists. Fashion graduates seek careers in design, retail, management, and display. Culinary and baking programs prepare graduates for entry-level employment as chefs or kitchen managers.

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‹ InternatIonal House PHIladelPHIa: Cultural enrICHment for all

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ounded almost 100 years ago in 1910, International House Philadelphia is an independent, non-profit organization that is home to nearly 400 students, scholars, and interns from over 65 countries. Today, IHP provides more than 150 cultural, educational, and social programs that assist its residents, and other international students and scholars, with their adjustment to American society and life in Philadelphia while encouraging the cross-cultural understanding and leadership skills necessary to succeed in today’s global economy. To learn more about IHP Housing opportunities and upcoming Arts and Programming events, please visit www.ihousephilly.org or call 215-387-5125.

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‹ CommunIty College of PHladelPHIa

W

hether you want to start on a new career path or advance in your current position, earn a degree or take a class for personal enrichment, Community College of Philadelphia invites you to explore our more than 70 degree and certificate programs. Get on your path to possi bilities today. ‹ enter a World of art and Culture WItH tHe VIolette de mazI

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re you intimidated by art? Do you spend more time reading a painting’s description than actually looking at the painting? Do you ever wonder how to judge quality in art? The Violette de Mazia Foundation suggests that before you can begin to understand the meaning of art, you must first learn

The University of the Arts

➡ continued on page 28

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Classes begin April 12 Register online

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Pursue your creative passion at The Art Institute of Philadelphia. Whichever program of study you choose, enjoy and ultimately enhance your life’s path as you begin your journey on a career to last a lifetime.

Why Art Matters: Mazia Informed Perception Foundation for Teachers The Violette

Advertising (BS) • Audio Production (BS) • Baking & Pastry (D) Culinary Arts (AS/D) • Culinary Management (BS) • Digital Filmmaking & Video Production (BS/AS) • Fashion Design (BS/AS) • Fashion Marketing (BS/AS) • Graphic Design (BS/AS) • Industrial Design Technology (BS) • Interior Design (BS/AS) • Media Arts & Animation (BS) Photography (BS/AS) • Visual Effects & Motion Graphics (BS) • Visual Merchandising (AS) • Web Design & Interactive Media (BS/AS) BS – Bachelor of Science, AS – Associate of Science, D – Diploma

We offer programs in the following areas:

CULINARY • DESIGN • FASHION • MEDIA ARTS To learn more, visit:

AiLearnMore.com/Philadelphia Or call us toll-free: 800.316.5181

The Art Institute of Philadelphia 1622 Chestnut Street • Philadelphia, PA 19103-5119 Accredited Member, ACICS

Image (c) La Salle University Art Museum, Philadelphia

The Art Institute of Philadelphia offers programs of study in:

June 29 – August 5, Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am – 2 pm.

Location: La Salle University Art Museum 1900 West Olney Avenue, Philadelphia, PA This 12-session course is designed for teachers who wish to learn the objective method of art appreciation and prepare lesson plans to use during the school year, while exploring the unique Art Museum at La Salle University.

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Visit our website at www.demazia.org to download an application or call 610-971-9960 for additional information.

Forty-two (42) Act 48 credit hours are provided through the sponsorship of the Philadelphia Arts in Education Partnership and the Pennsylvania Council on the Arts upon completion of this course.

Violette de Mazia Foundation • 400 E. Lancaster Ave., Suite 204 • Wayne, PA 19087

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➡ contInued from page 28

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n the present economy, people are making careful decisions about their career futures. In some cases, the path to a brighter tomorrow is taking them to postsecondary schools – but not just any school. Career colleges are becoming an increasingly popular option because they offer flexible course schedules and a faster path to the job market than traditional colleges or universities.

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Anthem Institute offers career services assistance to all students, and financial aid is available for those who qualify. For more information, call 1-866-975-8469, or visit them online at www.antheminstitute.edu. Anthem Institute has two locations in the Philadelphia metro area; 400 South State Road in Springfield, PA 19064 (main campus) and 2100 Route 38 & Mall Drive in Cherry Hill, NJ 08002 (branch of Springfield, PA).

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➤ in The SPring of 2006, the last extended

debate over the role of current events in art came to a head. The reason was Paul Greengrass’ movie United 93; the question was whether five years after the fact was “too soon” to create a fictional representation of a still-fresh national crisis.

Newer crisis-inspired stories have emerged more quickly and much less controversially. Four years after Katrina, we’ve seen Tom Piazza’s excellent City of Refuge and Dave Eggers’ heartbreaking Zeitoun.

And the ongoing recession, which has inspired a trickle of up-to-the-moment novels, raises no flags about exploitation or rushing disaster stories into the marketplace. Maybe these concerns should be brought up, though — not necessarily because these financial-crisis novels are insensitive or exploitative, exactly, but instead because it still might be just too soon to understand the extent of a slow-motion continued collapse, and to accurately chart its impact on everyday life.

Take, for instance, Gabrielle Zevin’s The Hole We’re In (Grove, March 10), which sprawls over 22 years starting in 1998, and lays out the stories of two generations of the Pomeroy family. Godfearing assistant principal Roger decides, in an opening chapter set at his son’s graduation from Yale, to go back to school for the Ph.D. he feels he deserves. This selfish choice spins off a chain of consequences for his entire family.

The immediate effect of Roger’s schooling is debt — the house he can’t afford, the tuition he doesn’t pay and the credit-card bills that cover one daughter’s medical expenses and another’s dissatisfying wedding. But Zevin is just as concerned with Roger’s fundamentalist faith (which she renders entirely unsympathetically), the impact of the Iraq war on our returning soldiers and even the politics of abortion.

In fact, it is fierce daughter Patsy who gains our sympathy and provides the most resonant storyline with her difficult return from Iraq. But her family’s saga has been wrapped in a credit-card mock-up >>> continued on page 34

Swan Float, by Christyl Boger, white earthenware and glaze, 2010 JOhn CarlanO/ the Clay StudiO

firstfridayfocus

By Carolyn Huckabay

➤ The 44Th annual National Council on Education for the Ceramic arts lands in philadelphia this week, which means that nearly 100 area galleries are hosting correlating exhibits that focus on all things molded, glazed and potted. But hold the groans: Maybe it’s time you got over your preconception that ceramic art is just the stuff of craft fairs, stodgy living rooms and second-grade art class projects. NCECa’s presence here means a potential uptick in First Friday meanderers by about 6,000; join the ranks and get schooled on a legitimate, but underappreciated, art form.

➤ The Clay STudio pulling all the strings to make sure NCECa runs hitchless, Old City’s Clay Studio doubles as conference liaison and exhibit headquarters. With a self-explanatory title, “Of this Century: residents, Fellows and Select Guest artists of the Clay Studio, 2000-2010” celebrates a decade worth of extraor-

dinary work — roughly 30 pieces — by decorated artists both homegrown and international. Ceramics’ inevitable dichotomy of delicacy and substance is represented in unusual ways here, from a porcelain fawn with a rocket on its back to a floating pool toy made of sturdy, unpuncturable earthenware. Opening reception Fri., April 2, 5-9 p.m., free, through May 4, Clay Studio, 137-139 N. Second St., 215-925-3453, theclaystudio.org.

➤ arT STar While the Clay Studio looks at painstakingly crafted, unique works of art, “the Souvenir Shop” takes the opposite tack. The crappy, mass-produced tchotchkes we bring back from vacation serve as fodder for an exhibit that explores our nostalgic relationship with junk.

Curated by Kyan Bishop, Kate Hardy and Joanie Turbek, the show itself is an overstuffed warehouse of sorts, teeming with examples of the ordinary keepsakes that bring back extraordinary memories.

Opening reception Fri., April 2, 6-9 p.m., free, through April 25, Art Star, 623 N. Second St., 215-238-1557, artstarphilly.com.

➤ eaSTern STaTe PeniTenTiary Speaking of possessions, rocky lewycky’s “the eSP Project” takes the idea of prison theft — inmates poaching each other’s cigarettes, money, sometimes even lives — and turns it on its head. He’ll line Eastern State’s Cellblock 10 with 980 urns — one for each prison cell, occupied by criminals for more than 140 years — and then give them all away. (The historic prison hosts a handful of exhibits in addition to lewycky’s project — expect cells turned into caves, an installation of thousands of bones and Stars of David, and models of what incarcerated brains might look like after years of solitary confinement.) “The ESP Project,” Sat., April 3, 1-6:45 p.m., exhibits through May 14, Eastern State Penitentiary, 2027 Fairmount Ave., 215-236-3300, easternstate.org.

Ceramic art isn’t just the stuff of craft fairs.

>>> continued on page 34

the naked city | feature

[ rushing disaster stories into the marketplace ] ➤ cp likes this

after Life of Pi, Yann Martel got real famous, real quick. He even received a handwritten thank-you letter from Barack Obama.

Where do you go from there? Martel’s new book, Beatrice and Virgil (Spiegel & Grau, april 13), starts with a writer whose first novel made him real famous, real quick. Sigh. But add a creepy taxidermist who asks our protagonist to help him pen a Holocaust parable about a donkey and a howler monkey, and Martel (at the Free library Festival, april 17) saves himself from semi-autobiographical fantasyland and delivers another downright remarkable fable.

—Carolyn huckabay

its premise — that social networking can change lives — may be Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul-level cheesy, but Emily liebert’s Facebook Fairytales: Modern-Day Miracles to Inspire the Human Spirit (Skyhorse, april 1) is sur-

prisingly deft in its reportage of real-life folks transformed by our favorite time-killer. What hits home here is the inclusion of former City Paper managing editor Brian Hickey’s story, specifically his wife, angie, posting his progress on Facebook as he recovered from a life-threatening hit-and-run two years ago. The day Hickey was well enough to update his own status? No one here’s too erudite to —Carolyn huckabay call that a miracle.

➤ litmag

➤ blog-to-print it’s too late to argue about whether regretsy.com — the site dedicated to mocking the handicrafts group-sold on etsy.com — is a bookworthy concept.

Regretsy: Where DIY Meets WTF

literary magazines are always a mixed bag, but nobody mixes things up as reliably, or as pleasantly, as Tin House (tinhouse.com).

The latest issue, subtitled “Games people play,” has stories by Steve almond and Martha Mcphee, essays by David Mamet and lord Whimsy (i know), plus reviews, poetry, instructions for German —Patrick rapa board games and a frickin’ crossword puzzle.

flickpick

J. Edward Keyes on shuffle

(Villard, april 6) will soon be wallowing on a shelf near you. and of course it’s pretty funny, partly for april Winchell’s snarky comments but mostly for the crafts themselves.

Serial killer pillows, bacon soap and all manner of vagina-shaped jewelry are easy targets, and it was nice of regretsy to set them all up for us.

—Patrick rapa

[ movie review ]

VincErE [ A- ] Benito Mussolini May have been a fascist ideologue, but Marco Bellocchio’s

Mussolini was a spectacular lay.

groans to life slowly, a low digital blip surging and swelling, opening up like a synthetic yawn, after which the record rubs its eyes and rises, somewhat lazily, to life. The follow-up to 2007’s spectacular Part I: 4th World War, Ankh trades that record’s panicked vision of the future and voracious stylistic appetite for mostly loose, ambling, jazz-informed R&B. It’s hard to blame Badu for wanting to lighten the mood: At its bleakest (and best), Part I imagined “Momma hopped up on cocaine/ Daddy on spaceships with no brain.” The closest its sequel comes to that kind of mania is a playful interstitial where Badu briefly embodies a philandering lover.

Since the release of the astonishing Mama’s Gun a full 10 years ago, Badu has emerged as one of the most compelling and inventive figures in R&B. She eschews choruses for sweetly intoned chants, favoring rubbery bass lines and muted percussion to the hard, obvious thwack of her contemporaries. Most of the songs on Ankh are built around a single lyric repeated to hypnotic effect. In the steady-gurgling “Turn Me Away (Get Munny),” Badu coos “I’ll be your robot girl” slyly to her intended. Later, in “Love,” atop a mild ’70s funk backdrop, she incants, “Never ever met another lover quite like you/ Thought I fell in love with Superman, it’s true” over and over until the words take on a nearly spiritual significance.

These two examples speak to the album’s primary concerns: chiefly, love and devotion, and — albeit indirectly — how those virtues might combat the bleakness explored in Part I. So it’s no wonder things have slowed down a bit: Badu doesn’t do outright jubilation so much as prolonged, hazy-eyed ecstasy, and much of Ankh aims for a kind of mystic transcendence. To use Badu’s own discography as a reference, it’s the Worldwide Underground to its predecessor’s Mama’s Gun, and even if it’s no less creative, it feels just a bit slighter. Perhaps in Badu’s universe, the calm comes after the storm. (j_keyes@citypaper.net)

erykah Badu

AmErykah Part II: Return of the Ankh (Motown)

33

WIFE SWAP: Ida Dalser (Giovanna Mezzogiorno), Benito Mussolini’s first wife, is the subject of Marco Bellocchio’s Vincere.

➤ New AmerykAh PArt II: Return of the Ankh

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Vincere suggests that he was also a spectacular lay. Ducking into an alley to escape the police, the young Benito (Filippo Timi) bumps up against ida Dalser (Giovanna Mezzogiorno), and within minutes they’ve locked lips and then hips, their bodies writhing in near-darkness as she cries out in ecstasy. after his bellicose philosophy splits the italian socialists in two, she sells her possessions to finance a print organ for the new movement and bears him a son, also named Benito. But Mussolini has more grandiose aims, and their sexual chemistry turns out to have little to do with love. pushed aside in favor of a more palatable spouse — the movie intimates that a desire to curry favor with Catholics and the church may have been involved — Dalser and son are confined to an asylum, their existence drowned out by the shouts of the mob. The septuagenarian Bellocchio has investigated the dark side of ideology before, most recently in Good Morning, Night, which chronicled the fatal kidnapping of an italian prime minister by left-wing extremists. But where that movie was sober and introspective, Vincere (the imperative form of the verb “to win”) is hot-blooded, bordering on overwrought. Staging several key scenes in cinemas, including one where Mussolini incites a violent confrontation between rival factions on the eve of the first World War, Bellocchio takes his cues from silent-film aesthetics, particularly the rhetorical formalism of Eisenstein and Vertov. Fascist slogans zip out of the screen like 3D projectiles; Mussolini’s excitement over the prospect of war calls for operatic wails and printed cries of “Guerra! Guerra!” its first half filmed in glimmering darkness, the movie’s second gives way to blinding sun and snowy expanses, as if fighting the imposed night of state-ordered oblivion. Either way, Vincere’s images are indelible, if oddly romantic, as dangerously seductive as il Duce himself. —Sam Adams

AmErykAh thE BEAutiful

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hey smartypants, you think you’re sooooo smart, don’t you?

CheCk out Citypaper.net/quizzo for all your quizzo needs

PUFF brings independent movies to Schmidtsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; (very) big screen. By Molly Eichel

T

he piazza at Schmidts is about to become, of all things, an arthouse cinema.

Every Friday starting this week, the minds behind the philadelphia Underground Film Forum (pUFF) will take over the piazzaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s screen to program a free summer-long film festival, beginning with Slamdance Film Festival audience award-winner Mind of the Demon: The Larry Linkogle Story (april 2) and Tom DiCilloâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Johnny Depp-narrated Doors doc When Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Strange (april 9).

To pUFF director of programming Josh Goldbloom, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all about building community. â&#x20AC;&#x153;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a constant,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;philadelphia is great as far as filmmaking goes, but i donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see a constant. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happening year-round?â&#x20AC;?

But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not just movies. pUFF screenings will also host live music, courtesy of local rock mainstay Chuck Treece, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll bring together musicians to provide tunes before the movie starts. Or, as Treece puts it, to â&#x20AC;&#x153;warm the piazza up.â&#x20AC;? philly is filled with outdoor screening series during the summer, but those schedules are populated by fun-for-the-whole-family films. rarely do new movies get the same treatment. pUFF, which is affiliated with the philadelphia independent Film Festival, will deal only with very new, very independent fare, the kinds of movies the ritzes donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have room for, like Eveâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Necklace (april 16) â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a film whose only actors are mannequins. itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s part of a wider movement in

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Fridays, 5-10 p.m., free, Piazza at Schmidts, 1050 N. Hancock St.

His name is familiar to cinephiles for titles like 1995â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Living in Oblivion, and When Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Strange received raves at the 2009 Sundance Film Festival for showing unseen footage of the lizard King and his compatriots. But when the cities for its theatrical release were announced, philly wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t one of them. Now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s getting a chance on our big screen.

Goldbloom and his pUFF colleagues screened similarly minded indie films at Media Bureau. looking to up their presence in the city, they brought the idea to Tower investments president Bart Blatstein and director of special events lauren Gagnon this past winter. â&#x20AC;&#x153;To us, the piazza was go big or go home,â&#x20AC;? says Goldbloom.

To cover distribution fees, each screening will be sponsored; there will be a Vip section; and after parties will be held in and around the piazza. Vendors will also set up to sell wares. To up the must-factor, directors are encouraged to attend screenings; Barker and DiCillo have already rSVpâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re just a bunch of guys who want to see something happen,â&#x20AC;? says Goldbloom. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We want philly to see it all.â&#x20AC;? (molly.eichel@citypaper.net)

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PhiladelPhia UndergroUnd Film ForUm sCreenings

[ arts & entertainment ]

the naked city | feature

The LighT in The Piazza

the indie film community to bring movies to audiences via wholly new channels of distribution, like video on demand and nontraditional screening venues, essentially sidestepping the Hollywood machine. itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happened in philly before: Distributor abramorama â&#x20AC;&#x201D; also working with pUFF â&#x20AC;&#x201D; brought rock doc Anvil!: The Story of Anvil! to the Trocadero before it hit the ritz, garnering buzz for the theatrical run.

While Goldbloomâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s goal is to create community, filmmakers see it more basically: a chance to screen their movies for more people. Mind of the Demon is a profile of freestyle motocross originator linkogle, but director adam Barker, who has filmed motocross since 1997, wanted it to get exposure beyond the sportâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fans. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We wanted to look at [Mind of the Demon] as a personality piece more than a motocross piece. We wanted a wider audience,â&#x20AC;? says Barker, who took Demon through the festival circuit, where more than just the regulars would get a chance to see it. But then what?

Unlike most documentaries, Barkerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s film was actually picked up for distribution by Shoreline Entertainment, but heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aware of the economic realities. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Documentaries donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really do too well. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s very few that make it to the theater. if they do make it, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s arthouse in the big cities,â&#x20AC;? says Barker, unsure about a roll-out for Demon. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re lucky you get any kind of theatrical distribution.â&#x20AC;? Barker hopes that these screenings will create good word-of-mouth. â&#x20AC;&#x153;These one-offs are great for us,â&#x20AC;? says Barker. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Shit, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll do as many as come our way.â&#x20AC;?

DiCilloâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s doc faces the same treatment. DiCillo has the pedigree: Chuck Treece (left), Josh Goldbloom

JOHN l. laNGFOrD 111

[ flickering hope ]

35

feature | the naked city a&e classifieds | food | the agenda

hedgerow theatreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got a good thing going with playwright-

CP theater reviews

director Nagle Jackson, whose sixth play there, At This Eveningâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Performance, was also his first professionally produced work.

Though iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve questioned whether heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the best director for his own plays â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially new works â&#x20AC;&#x201D; he stages this â&#x20AC;&#x2122;83 comedy assuredly. artistic director penelope reed plays Hippolyta posnik, co-leading an acting troupe touring Strevia, a small Eastern European country. Hippolytaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s husband, Gunther (Ed Swidey, suitably pompous), hires a surly stage manager (David Franz) who soon admits heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s from the â&#x20AC;&#x153;popularity Force,â&#x20AC;? a group of not-so-secret police. They suspect an actor of smuggling â&#x20AC;&#x153;intellectuals, scientists and Jewsâ&#x20AC;? out of Strevia, using lines as cues to dissidents. During tonightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s performance, a popularity Force officer will shoot the actor who utters the signal â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and Gunther discovers that, though heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not the resistance agent, the line is his. in the midst of dark farce â&#x20AC;&#x201D; including affairs which their young ingenues, Saskia (Saundra Montijo) and piers (Steven Carpenter), pursue with Gunther and Hippolyta, respectively â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Jackson ponders a serious question: Should an artist compromise creative integrity for self-preservation? The answer proves hilarious in this brisk playâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s third act, when the company performs its truly excruciating pseudo-classic play, full of painful pratfalls and couplets. reed and Swidey make a suitably grand theatrical couple, ably supported by veteran character actor Bev appleton as veteran character actor Oskar, but Susan Wefel nearly steals the show as

At This Eveningâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Performance

if you put the words â&#x20AC;&#x153;kick-assâ&#x20AC;? in a playâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s title, it better kick ass.

Though the subject of Red Hot Patriot: The Kick-Ass Wit of Molly Ivins, a Philadelphia theatre Co. world première, clearly booted butt in her celebrated newspaper career, this star-driven play by journalists Margaret Engel and allison Engel restrains Kathleen Turner as ivins to a few tepid swipes.

The twin journalists follow the solo-biographical formula: Turner as ivins ostensibly writes about her father, breaking to chat with us. a tiresome device â&#x20AC;&#x201D; an associated press teletype machine churns out articles inspiring new topics â&#x20AC;&#x201D; only highlights the artificiality. in trying to make ivins warm and cuddly, they dampen the wit that might otherwise kick ass. She says that â&#x20AC;&#x153;jokes make people listen and keep the outrage alive,â&#x20AC;? but we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hear much humor or outrage. The writers frame the play with ivinsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; daddy issues, while director David Esbjornson and sound designers rob Milburn and

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ludmilla pankova, Streviaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s imperious Minister of Culture, who harbors her own artistic aspirations.

One could quibble with some typical Hedgerow shortcomings â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the younger learning-on-thejob actors arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t up to the task, for example â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but the result is breezily enjoyable, a welcome addition to the growing Jackson-Hedgerow partnership. Through May 16, $22$25, Hedgerow Theatre, 64 Rose Valley Road, Media, 610-565-4211, hedgerowtheatre.org.

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Michael Bodeen underscore with sentimental guitar to tell us when to feel sad.

The play occasionally takes off when Turner shares some fun ivins stories, both about her formative years (at a debutante ball, the 6-foot redhead â&#x20AC;&#x153;looked like a Saint Bernard among greyhoundsâ&#x20AC;?) and her writing, and regales us with her â&#x20AC;&#x153;sweat and scrambleâ&#x20AC;? days with The Texas Observer.

But the writers soft-pedal her views on George W. Bush, about whose career ivins wrote two best sellers. Maybe theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re taking the high road, but they might also anticipate some backlash against this outspoken liberal. (Opening night, the audience of corporate sponsors and private donors noticeably cooled when ivins proudly uttered the l-word and lectured in support of the First amendment and the need to â&#x20AC;&#x153;raise hell.â&#x20AC;?

The well-heeled glowered, and a Main line matron near me hissed, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bullshit!â&#x20AC;?)

This might be the first play thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s inspired me to read a book not because of whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in the script, but whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not. Through April 25, $46-$69, Suzanne Roberts Theatre, 480 S. Broad St., 215-985-0420, philadelphiatheatrecompany.org. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Mark Cofta

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✚ are you dead?

✚ Has To Be BeauTiful

Stop: Like Best Coast, Dum Dum Girls might be a product of the new twee LA, but there’s no need to worry about preciousness overload when they play Making Time (April 2). Indeed: Their beats speed, their melodies soar and their lyrics celebrate stuff like Nancy Drew (“Blank Girl”) or adolescent crushes (“Yours Alone”). But darkness abounds: The irresistible “Jail La La” is a nervous, neurotic dum dum Girls I Will Be account of waking up from a blackout at a freaky show ( S u b P o P ) (“This woman’s clearly out of her mind/ She’s covered in shit and high as a kite.”) The Throwing Muses­y “Bhang Bhang I’m a Burnout” wonders, “In your head, are you dead?” while the quiet closer “Baby Don’t Go” is breathtaking in its melancholic desperation. Screw innocence: This album’s most forgettable moments (“Rest of Our Lives”) are actually its more typical romantic pop songs. Bring the noise.

Listen: Twee means small, not feeble, so underestim­ ate tiny British pop­folk duo Slow Club at your own risk.

Yeah: A lot of songs start pretty, all boy­girl harmonies and gentle plucking. But: Half the time they’re warm­ ing up to something else: a dance beat, a rock ’n’ roll hook, a perky, life­loving chorus. It’s always pretty, though.

Even: Songs like “Because We’re Dead” and “When I Go” Slow Club Yeah, So — ones that wallow in heartache, loss and death — ( ! K 7 ) can’t shake the band’s overarching upbeat defiance.

Sounds like: The meek are tired of waiting for their inheritance.

—Patrick Rapa

✚ Weirdos exposed

—John Vettese

Let’s not forget: We’re a hotbed of weird. On trails blazed by latter­day Philly avants Need New Body and current standard bearers Man Man, we now see groups like Da Comrade and Circadian Rhythms scurrying adventurously along the fringes. Almost to a fault: The latter’s self­titled debut is loose. “Sister Sadie” is a mishmash of thumby keyboards and missed guitar notes. The indulgent “La Circadian Di Da My Lady” dwells in distant grunts and growls that rhythms Rhythms probably didn’t impress the titular paramour. But in the Circadian (Selfsame style, “Sunrise” succeeds with pots­n­pans per­ r e l e a S e d ) cussion and a comical bleating horn. Totally Rain Dogs.

“Mirror” is a breezy psych­pop road trip shuffle; the playful “Feat” might be Roy Orbison reimagined by Frank Zappa. While: Circadian Rhythms is not without misfires, it delightfully hits the mark more often than not. We’ll take bold, weird adventure anytime.

✚ Joined aT THe HipsTers Who: Conjoined, singing, ukulele­playing sisters (or maybe it’s just Dresden Dolls’ Amanda Palmer and Seattle bus­ ker Jason Webley). What: A sort of vaudevillian musical tall tale that follows our curiously bland heroines from the sideshow to the stage. OK: These are some choice guest stars: Margaret Cho, “Weird” Al Yankovic, Eugene Mirman, Tegan and Sara, Frances Cobain. And the ambition, evelyn evelyn Evelyn Evelyn shticky/grotesque humor and wacky drama­rama of it all ( e l e v e n ) are admirable, but the yawning narration and uneven tone keep the listener from getting lost in the story. And, while there are a few jingle­ licious melodies, there’s really no need to listen twice. Plus: For all its quirks, Evelyn Evelyn feels like familiar territory. It’s: Post­post­modern art rock. Or hipsterized magic realism. It’s also: Big Fish with Pitchfork references.

—John Vettese

Present Staged readings of winning plays from Young Playwrights’ 2009 Annual Playwriting Festival As part of Young Playwrights’ 2009-10 Play Development Series

The Road to Recovery a p r i l 1 - a p r i l 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

By Kiana Crump

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[ album reviews ]

Strawberry Mansion High School

My Angel

By Shawna Algeo

Neumann-Goretti High School

Saturday, April 3 @ 11:00 AM Caplan Studio Center @ The University of the Arts 211 S. Broad Street, 16th Floor Admission is FREE. Content appropriate for 9th grade and up.

—Patrick Rapa

one Track mind ➤ VAmPIRE WEEKEnd “I Think Ur A Contra” One of the surest clues to Vampire Weekend’s stay­ ing power, to my mind, is that they really know how to end an album.

Much as the elegantly restrained “Kids Don’t Stand a Chance” wound down their debut on its most invitingly leisurely (and arguably most tuneful) moment, Contra’s semi­titular closer wafts in like the gentlest of breezes, a seductively soothing respite after nine frolicsome tracks of restlessly inventive kitchen­sink pep. For the first time in half an hour, “I Think Ur A Contra” (which they should totally release as, like, the seventh single) feels in no hurry to get anywhere in particular, letting that initial cotton candy shimmer linger as a wispy tropical lilt emerges gradually through the haze.

—K. Ross Hoffman VW’s April 2 Electric Factory show is sold out. Chris Baio DJs that night at PYT, 1050 N. Hancock St., pytphilly.com.

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Clash of the Titans

new Clash of the titans|C-

Word is that Nicholas Sparks wrote this movie for Miley Cyrus â&#x20AC;&#x201D; who is, like, really, really serious about quitting music in order to pursue a career in movies. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no Hannah Montana here, just Sparksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; grinding formula: Southern beaches, pretty bodies and a life-changing death. Cyrus plays ronnie, a teen you know is miserable because she wears black boots, torn pantyhose, and slouches. While visiting her estranged father (Greg Kinnear, who is at a loss as to how to fix this bad part), she meets very tanned, very un-miserable beach-volleyballboy Will (liam Hemsworth). A few minutes and several montages later, they are deeply in love. Yes, they have to negotiate class differences, white-boy bullies, looking after ronnieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so-adorable little brother and her buried past life as a piano prodigy (the scenes where she plays are not even a little convincing; neither is the one where she sings along with the radio, and boyfriend is astounded: â&#x20AC;&#x153;You can really sing!â&#x20AC;?). And oh yes, they have to negotiate that crucial last part of the formula, death. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Cindy Fuchs (UA Grant; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

OWN THE ORIGINAL ON BLU-RAY FOR THE FIRST TIME

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formosa Betrayed|C idealistic FBi agent Jake Kelly (Dawsonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Creekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s James Van Der Beek) is up shit creek in this modest 1983-set political thriller. Kelly is in Taiwan (nĂŠe Formosa) investigating the murder of a tenured Chicago professor who was an outspoken critic of the Taiwanese government. Although he is told to â&#x20AC;&#x153;observe and report,â&#x20AC;? Kelly canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help but play

the last song|D+

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Blockbuster seasons kicks off with louis leterrierâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s remake of the 1981 camp classic, known more for ray Harryhausenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stop-motion special effects than anything else. The revamped Clash of the Titans appropriates the main characters â&#x20AC;&#x201D; demigod perseus (Avatarâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sam Worthington) must defeat the monstrous Kraken to save the city of Argos and its princess Andromeda (Gemma Arterton) â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and stops only occasionally to wink and nod at the original (hey! leave Bubo alone!). This time, Zeus (liam Neeson) is mighty pissed that humans no longer worship at his feet, so he allows underworld god Hades (ralph Fiennes, doing an antique lord Voldemort) to teach the people of Argos a lesson. And in our corner: perseus and his band of not-so-merry men, including Draco (Mads Mikkelsen), who takes on Neesonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s usual accented sage role, and the ageless io (Alexa Davalos), who stands around being ethereal. in between the innumerable barbaric yawps there are some sweet-looking monsters, each starring in its own vignette, but the movie is paced so quickly thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s little chance of actually taking in the beasts, and not much else in the way of plot between them. Why spend all that money on special effects making things look awesome if we never get a chance to be awed by it? â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Molly Eichel (Pearl; Bridge; UA Grant; UA Main St.; UA Riverview)

cowboy and compromise things. Kelly comes to learn about the unjust politics of Taiwan from Ming (producer Will Tiao, who also gets a story credit), whose didactic history lesson explains that Taiwan has struggled to become a democracy and gain independence from communist China. Despite Van Der Beekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s compelling low-key performance, a suitably brittle turn by Wendy Crewson as his Taipei contact and a decent sequence at an anti-government rally, the sweat on the always-perspiring characters is never palpable (especially in the light of a wasted John Heard as Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s racist partner). As Kelly uncovers deep levels of corruption and callousness, the film never delivers its expected sucker punch. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Gary M. Kramer (Ritz at the Bourse)

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The MosT Dangerous Man in aMerica: Daniel ellsberg anD The PenTagon PaPers|A When Henry Kissinger learned, in June 1971, that Daniel Ellsberg leaked the pentagon papers to The New York Times, he was outraged, proclaiming, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have orderly government anymore.â&#x20AC;? As Judith Ehrlich and rick Goldsmithâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s documentary shows, Kissingerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bluster was stunning in numerous ways, not least because it suggested that the Nixon Administration was at all â&#x20AC;&#x153;orderly,â&#x20AC;? much less honest or pragmatic. The film traces Ellsbergâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s decision to leak the rand Corporationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s report, beginning with his truebelieving, as well as his disillusionment. The more he saw how the war was being fought and strategized, the more he saw that soldiers and Vietnamese were dying by the millions for no good reason. As fascinat-

ing as this process is â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and the film makes quite palpable his tensions, especially in a green-lit Xerox room late at night â&#x20AC;&#x201D; another compelling point is made clear: Ellsbergâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s experience raises questions concerning both governmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and citizensâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; responsibilities and rights. reenactments and archival footage, along with documents and talking heads, create a mix of narrative, personal and political, broad and detailed, in order to convey the way Ellsbergâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own transformation signifies historical shifts. He movingly describes one moment, when he met Vietnam war veterans who declared they were willing to go to prison to protest the war. â&#x20AC;&#x153;it was as if an axe had split my head,â&#x20AC;? he says now. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What had really happened was that my life had split in two, and it was my life after those words that i have lived ever since.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D;C.F. (Ritz Five)

HILARIOUS â&#x20AC;? .

N O I T A N I B COM

â&#x20AC;&#x153;... A

Vincere|ASee Sam Adamsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; review on p. 33.

(Ritz Five)

Why DiD i geT MarrieD Too? A haiku: philly girl Jill Scottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in this, so we wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make fun.

(But it looks so dumb.) (Not reviewed) (Bridge; UA Grant; UA Main St.; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

conTinuing alice in WonDerlanD|COn paper, Tim Burton and lewis Carrollâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s classic texts shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be this mismatched, but Burton doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take the time to breathe in all of Carrollâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eccentricities. Burtonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s given all the tools that CGi allows and never lets us have a peek at whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just out of sight. As an entry into an auteurâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s filmography, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s disappointing. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;M.E. (Bridge; Pearl; UA Grant; UA Main St.; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.) The arT of The sTeal|B+ Don Argottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s film is an art-world heist film, unfolding with enough gripping intrigue to make Barnes feel like Bourne. Decidedly and righteously

one-sided, Argottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s film is perhaps too dismissive of art institutionsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; very real economic woes, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard to take the side of the self-satisfied philadelphia elites, most of whom refused to participate. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Shaun Brady (Ritz Five)

ciTy islanD|D Everyone in this family has a secret.

The film opens, in fact, with Vince rizzo (Andy Garcia) promising to reveal his â&#x20AC;&#x153;secret of secretsâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and it wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be the last. City Island may be named for an incongruously quaint fishing village on the outskirts of the Bronx, but it unfolds with all the subtlety of a Bronx cheer. it is an Oedipal comedy of errors predicated on a familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lack of communication, a level of misunderstanding unrealistic outside of the most contrived sitcom situations. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;S.B. (Ritz at the Bourse)

The ghosT WriTer|BClouded by, but completed before, roman polanskiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s recent arrest, the transposition of robert Harrisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; novel is less intriguing for its protagonist, a journalist gamely played by Ewan McGregor, than for its central character, a former British prime minister

Maria Salas, iami) TERRA-TV (M

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(pierce Brosnan) whose memoirs may contain bombshells worth killing to conceal. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Sam Adams (Ritz Five)

The girl WiTh The Dragon TaTToo|B Based on the first book of Stieg larssonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Millennium Trilogy, Niels Arden Oplevâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s movie elegantly delivers a story full of intrigue and ugliness. Financial journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) is in need of a job so he agrees to investigate the 40-yearold murder of one Harriet Vanger.

Mikael is aided by bisexual computer hacker lisbeth (Noomi rapace). it helps the investigation that she has a photographic memory as well as an intuitive sense of whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s guilty. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;C.F. (Ritz Five)

greenberg|Aroger Greenberg (Ben Stiller), fresh off some sort of nervous breakdown and recently arrived in l.A., is a 40year-old frozen at 25, at the instant just after his life went wrong. The sole new relationship that Greenberg strikes up is with Florence (mumblecore actress/director Greta Gerwig, who imbues Florence with a remarkable range of emotion), his brotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aimless personal assistant.

Most films would paint Florence, the younger woman, as Greenbergâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s savior, the ray of light that leads to redemption. Director Noah Baum-

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repo Men | CUA Riverview sHeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s out oF My leaGue | C+ UA Riverview sHutter island | B+ UA Riverview For movie full reviews and showtimes, go to citypaper.net/movies. bach, however, has never seen other people as the solution to anyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s problems. The film, as a result, is often incredibly funny, and even holds out something like hope at the end. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;S.B. (Ritz East)

Hot tub time macHine|BBest you can hope for from a movie like Hot Tub Time Machine is acting and direction good enough to prop up the ludicrous concept for an hour and a half, and that the best lines werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t used in the trailer. Besides the continuity problems, HTTM falters most when it pursues actual storytelling instead of just making silly â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s movie references and blowjob jokes. But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all good silly fun when the plot is kept barebones simple. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;M.E. (Bridge; Pearl; UA Grant; UA Main St.; UA Riverview)

Brendan (Evan McGuire) is a medieval boy monk-in-training at abbey of Kells. When the plucky kid ventures outside the abbey walls and into danger, only to be saved by Aisling (Christen Mooney), a sprite-girl with long silver locks. The story feels a bit cluttered and compact, but the filmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s saving grace is its astounding animation. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;M.E. (Ritz at the Bourse)

repertory film Send repertory film listings to molly.eichel@citypaper.net.

tHe balcony Trocadero Theater, 1003 Arch St., 215922-LIVE, thetroc.com. Sherlock Holmes (2009, U.S., 128 min.): Guy ritchie updates the classic sleuth.

Mon., April 5, 8 p.m., $3.

cHestnut Hill film Group 8711 Germantown Ave., 215-248-0977, armcinema25.com. Shanghai Express (1932, U.S., 80 min.): A screening of the Josef Von Sternberg/Marlene Dietrich picture and tribute to David Mallery, an integral part of the Chestnut Hill Film Group, who died Jan. 16. Tue., April 6, 7:30 p.m., free.

flickerinG liGHt film series Mount Airy Arts Garage, 542 Car-

international House Ibrahim Theater, 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org.

Graphically illuminated: Short, experimental films that use printed images as jumping-off point. Fri., April 2, 7 p.m., $5-$8. Grandma Moses + Sonabai: Another Way of Seeing: Two films about self-taught artists, including Jerome Hillâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s beautiful doc about Moses and a portrait of indian sculptor Sonabai rajawar. Tue., March 30, 7 p.m., $5-$8. Precious Places Community history Project 2010 Première: Short films from commu-

nity groups, presented by Scribe. Wed., April 7, 7 p.m., $5-$8.

puff Piazza at Schmidts, 1050 N. Hancock St. Mind of the Demon: The Larry Linkogle Story (2009, U.S., 85 min.):

[ movie shorts ]

pHilaDelpHia film society Prince Music Theater, 1412 Chestnut St., filmadelphia.org. Pyscho (1960, U.S., 109 min.): A boyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best friend is his mother. Wed., April 7, 7:30 p.m., $6-$10.

emigrated to the U.S. Mon., April 5, 5-7 p.m., free.

uniVersity of pennsylVania Benjamin Franklin Room, Houston Hall, 3417 Spruce St., 215-898-8216, theothersideofimmigration.com. The Other Side of Immigration (2009, 55 min., U.S.): roy Germano culls interviews with residents of Mexican towns where half the population has

More on:

citypaper.net CheCk out more r e p e r t o r y f i l m l i s t i n g s at C i t y pa p e r . n e t / r e p f i l m .

-Ben Lyons, E!

Andy Julianna Steven Garcia Margulies Strait

Alan and Emily Arkin Mortimer

with

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P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | A p r i l 1 - A p r i l 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

a propHet|B Malik el Djebena (Tahar rahim), a young Arab is slapped with a six-year term and quickly becomes the latest tool in a conflict between the Corsican gangsters and its large Muslim population. A Prophet too closely follows the outlines of the up-from-thestreets gangster movie to convinc-

Prince Music Theater, 1412 Chestnut St., film.org. Praying with Lior (2007, U.K., 87 min.): Follows lior, a Down syndrome-affected boy and â&#x20AC;&#x153;spiritual geniusâ&#x20AC;? from the Main line, as he becomes a bar mitzvah. Tue., April 6, 6:30 p.m., free with rSVp to joan@film.org.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;A MIND-BENDING AND MESMERIZING thriller that takes its time unlocking one mystery only to uncover another, all to CHILLING AND IMMENSELY SATISFYING effect.â&#x20AC;?

motHer|ABong Joon-hoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Mother plays tricks with a gritty policier, which also becomes a slapstick comedy, and both a melo- and psycho-drama without ever conceding its whodunit identity.

The mystery of who killed the schoolgirl found draped over the roof of an abandoned building in a small village struggles for attention with another, perhaps deeper mystery: the relationship between the title character, played with an unsparing fierceness

by Kim Hye-Ja, and her Beatlehaired, mentally disabled 27-year-old son, Do-joon (Won Bin). â&#x20AC;&#x201D;S.B. (Ritz at the Bourse)

Greater pHilaDelpHia film office

See Molly Eichelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s feature on p. 35 for more info. Fri., April 2, 8 p.m., free.

the agenda | food | classifieds

Green zone | BUA Riverview

tHe secret of tHe kells|B+

penter Lane, flickeringfilms.com.

Secrets for Sale (2003, Switzerland, 64 min.): Elodie pong pays subjects to reveal secrets they have never told anyone. Sat., April 3, 7 p.m., free.

a&e

Crazy Heart | B Ritz at the Bourse

ingly subvert it. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;S.A. (Ritz Five)

the naked city | feature

also playinG

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44 | p h i l A D e l p h i A c i T y pA p e r |

agenda

the

listings@citYpaper.net | April 1 - April 8

icepack

[ Your to-do list, no matter what you’re doing ]

By A.D. Amorosi

➤ There’re jokes To be had at the expense

of April Fools. Just not by me. There’ll be nothing funny come April 1 if some flash mob runs rampant through City Hall, or punks Donovan McNabb about trading him to a third-rate team in Cali — oh, sorry. Besides, what’s foolish about National Grilled Cheese Month? Nothing, thanks to World Café Live and Di Bruno Bros.’ Emilio Mignucci, who’ll pair international cheeses with good ol’ USA beers throughout the month, starting April 3. Seriously. ➤ OK, this is foolish: This week, that Apple megastore that’s still not swearing it’s opening at 16th and Walnut this summer is holding interviews for employee applicants — “genius” positions, etc. Rumor says they want “personality” over technological ability or expertise as they can teach potential Mac-men the Apple way. Hey, dummies: Smile and talk a lot. ➤ Maximal Art’s John Wind debuts his AIDS Jewelry Project’s charms-based wares at JimmyStyle’s meetn-greet on East Passyunk April 7. Fifty percent of sales reach ActionAIDS and the Mazzoni Center. ➤ MC Reg Smith — Subliminal Orphan, longtime part of TuPhace’s crew — is joining Wishbone’s soul-sonic-force for its monthly first Mondays funk-n-fried chicken live R&B/rap jam at National Mechanics April 5. Chuck D’s anchoring a house band, and West Philly’s hip-hop ensemble Out Da Basement joins the fun. ➤ Nick Stuccio and his fellow Fringe-y honchos named Craig T. Peterson as the guy to run their year-round Live Arts Brewery. It ain’t about tapping beer, it’s a performance art development center. The LAB rat used to head up NYC’s Dance Theater Workshop. ➤ Ice dropped the first words on Wishing Well in the Italian Market waiting for its liquor license before it opened fer-real. The Ninth-and-Catharine fooderie becomes fer-real fer-real April 5, with booze and Carmen Cappello and Chris Martino flipping Shame burgers. ➤ No one messes with the Tiberinos, especially not Ellen Tiberino. The painter/ceramicist’s solo exhibition at Vintage Wine Bar on S. 13th starts April 1 at 5 p.m. ➤ Remember Grape Street Pub in Manayunk? Do you one better — remember Manayunk? ’Yunk was the only quasi-suburb (save Ardmore) you didn’t feel dirty patronizing. Grape Street had good points (Tom DelColle’s martinis) in the ’90s. Now it’s become the Grape Room (courtesy Scooter from Stargazer Lily) with its first floor once again filled with bands starting April 1 with The Fractals and Steph Hayes, the latter of whom just dropped a live CD, Mostly True Stories and Dirty Beauty, a studio jam from her band The Good Problems.

You should have such problems. ➤ More ice?

Citypaper.net/icepack. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

PEAKED INTEREST: At least the midgets in front of artist Mike Smash, coordinator of a Twin Peaks-themed art show, don’t speak backward.

JessicA kourkounis

[ that gum you like is coming back in style ]

Damn Fine Pie Twin Peaks-inspired art and a pie-tasting contest? Like Fishtown needed to get any weirder.

By Emily Currier

The BlAck Dog runs AT nighT | Opening reception Fri., April

2, 5 p.m.-mid., free, through April 30, Piranha Betty’s Art Market, 2472 Frankford Ave., 856-630-5292, piranhabettys.com

S

“

uburbs are even scarier than the city; everyone keeps their doors closed. Small towns are even worse,” says artist and Kensington resident Mike Smash (né Mash).

His views may be due in part to one-time Philly resident David Lynch’s über-creepy cult TV show Twin Peaks, a dark netherworld that exposes what is ugly and scary in cloistered small towns.

For his Twin Peaks-themed art show “The Black Dog Runs at Night,” Piranha Betty’s Art Market will be decked out as locales from Lynch’s surreal mystery set in Twin Peaks, Wash., where everyone knows everyone and nothing is what it seems.

Guests will pass through a red curtain to get to the main space, which will be peppered with vendors selling art pieces inspired by the show and shrines to the dearly departed Laura Palmer, the corpse who fuels the first season. Bring your own camera and lounge in the love seat of The Black Lodge, snapping shots against the checkered tiles.

The serial drama’s legacy has endured because of the compli-

cated arcs and surreal mysteries surrounding Laura’s death (fan of Lost? Thank Twin Peaks). It all takes place in a town that Smash says is “so fantastic, it could be believable.”

“The event is for people who know about Twin Peaks to get together and be geeks about it,” says Smash, who coordinated and contributes to the event. More than 20 artists working in different media — from glasswork to tattoos — represent, with items ranging from the obvious (magnets depicting the mugs of stars Kyle MacLachlan and Lara Flynn Boyle) to the fanboyish (owl prints, BOB references). Building on his collection of custom-made dolls, Smash will première post-mortem Laura Palmer figurines made from parts of mainstream toys, arrayed in blue paint and shrink-wrap.

For the opening reception, guests are encouraged to slip into the skins of Twin Peaks’ residents. Suit up to be Special Agent Dale Cooper, or get in the cross-dressing spirit as Dennis — er, Denise — Bryson (originally played by David Duchovny). Slicking back his long hair and garbed in flannel, Smash will be slinking around in the guise of coke-dealing trucker Leo Johnson.

Under the Double R Diner’s insignia, you’ll be able to pick up a cup of damn good coffee (served black, to Agent Cooper’s taste) and samples of pie made by local bakers and grandmas alike. The best pie — voted on by attendees — will win the bragging rights of being “Twin Peaks-worthy.” And, of course, be put in the pantheon of where pies go when they die. (emily.currier@citypaper.net)

Suit up to be Special Agent Dale Cooper.

n 2010 Old hOUSe Fair Spon-

sored by the preservation Alliance for Greater philadelphia, the fair features 70-plus vendor booths and many opportunities for owners of old homes to learn how to better maintain and restore their abodes.

Sat, Apr. 3, 9am-5pm, $5.00-$10.00, Germantown Friends School, 70 W. Coulter St., 215-951-6900. n MOOre COlleGe OPen hOUSe Moore College of Art and

Design hosts an open house for its Continuing Education Department. Talk to current students, learn about the programs offered and take tours of the campus. Thu, Apr. 1, 5-7pm, Free, Moore College of Art & Design, 20th St. & Ben Franklin parkway, 215-965-4000. n PhiladelPhia yOUnG PrOFeSSiOnalS eXPO Discover,

learn about and sample a number of products, services and activities offered by local companies and organizations. Guests can also participate in a scavenger hunt. Wed, Apr. 7, 4-10pm, Free, American pub, 1500 Market St, 267-639-6104. n SOCial entrePreneUrShiP COnFerenCe: the iMPaCt OF deSiGn On SUStainaBle BUSineSS Meet philadelphia-re-

gion designers, artists, entrepreneurs, students and business pro-

n SOUth Street headhOUSe diStriCt eaSter PrOMenade and BUnny hOP This

parade features Mummers, music performances, costumes and other entertainment. it begins at 1 p.m. on South and passyunk and ends at Headhouse Square. Sun, Apr. 4, 12:30-3pm, Free, Headhouse Square, 2nd & lombard sts., 215575-0444. n the UltiMate netWOrKinG eVent Meet business people and learn networking skills to create new business relationships.

Tue, Apr. 6, 6-9pm, Free, Chima Brazilian Steakhouse, 1901 John F. Kennedy Blvd., 954-712-0581.

GallEriEs Galleries are usually open Tuesdays through Saturdays; please call the gallery for exact days and hours. Receptions are denoted by a *. n 2424 StUdiOS, 2424 E. York St.,

215-423-1800. UNiVErSiTY OF THE ArTS SENiOr pHOTOGrApHY EXHiBiTiON, Features various photography by seniors at UArts, including works of portraiture, mixed-media, fashion, editorial and many other forms. runs through Apr. 13. Opening reception Fri, Apr. 2, 6-10pm * n 3rd Street Gallery, 58 N.

2nd St., 215-625-0993. MArJOriE GriGONiS, Features abstract oil paintings by Marjorie Grigonis.

The dream-like paintings are made up of muted, realistic colors. runs through May. 2. Opening reception Fri, Apr. 2, 5-9pm *; Artists reception Sun, Apr. 11, 2pm, *.

MiCHEllE MAlKASiAN WEiSBErG, Features new paintings

by Michelle Malkasian Weisberg.

Focuses on landscapes and bright, bold colors. runs through May. 2.

Opening reception Fri, Apr. 2, 59pm *, ; Artists reception Sun, Apr. 11, 2pm, * n BaMBi Gallery, 1001-13

N. 2nd St., 267-319-1374. MAN, MYTH, AND MAGiC, Features Nick lenker and paul Swenbeck.

The intertwining ceramic works focus on dream and the unknown, as well as psychological themes. runs through Apr. 25. Opening reception Fri, Apr. 2, 6-10pm * n da VinCi art allianCe, 704

Catherine St., 215-829-0466. OUT OF plACE: ClAY AND CONTEXT, Features the work of nine artists who seek to combine the traditional with the contemporary as they display pots and dishware. runs through Apr. 25. Opening reception Thu, Apr. 1, 6:30-9:30pm*. n dalet Gallery, 141 N. 2nd St., 215-923-2424. BirTH OF SHApE, Features various clay works from four artists. From wood-fired sculptures to molded figures to faces and masks, a broad spectrum of pieces seek to make a union between humanity and clay. runs through Apr. 26. Opening reception Fri, Apr. 2, 5-9pm *. n deSiGn Center, philadelphia

University, 4200 Henry Ave., 215951-2860. lACE iN TrANSlATiON, Features lacy indoor and outdoor installations by internationally acclaimed designers Tord Boontje, Demakersvan and Cal lane, who explore the intersection of lace’s elegance with mass production. runs through Apr. 3. n FleiSher/OllMan Gallery, 1616 Walnut St., 215-545-

7562. SHAKEr lEGEND-Trip, Features installation pieces by paul Swenbach. relies on legends and superstition to create the creepy feeling of somewhere haunted. runs through May. 1.

Opening reception Thu, Apr. 1, 6-8pm *. YUN NAN=SOUTHErN ClOUDS, Features ceramics by

[ the agenda ]

Mei ling-Hom. The fluffy-looking pieces are inspired by clouds and their movement. runs through May 1. Opening reception Thu, Apr. 1, 6-8pm *. n GallerieS at MOOre COlleGe OF art & deSiGn, 20th

St. & Ben Franklin parkway, 215965-4027. EArTH MATTErS: THE 2010 NCECA iNViTATiONAl EXHiBiTiON, Features the ceramic work of 28 artists, working under themes such as consumerism, environmental issues, technology and agriculture. The show ranges from simple pottery to large scale installation pieces. runs through Apr. 11. Opening reception Thu, Apr. 1, 7-9pm *.

food | classifieds

EvEnts/FEstivals

fessionals to explore how creative design and new business ideas can work to shape a more eco-friendly future. Thu, Apr. 8, 8am-12pm, $20, Temple University, Howard Gittis Student Center, 1755 N 13th St, 215-204-7131.

the agenda

Submit information by mail (City Paper Listings, 123 Chestnut St., Third Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19106), e-mail (listings@citypaper. net) or fax (215-599-0634) to Molly Eichel. Include details of the event, dates, times, address of venue, telephone number and admission price, if any. Listings must be received at least 10 days in advance of publication. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

the naked city | feature | a&e

iF yOU Want tO Be liSted:

n indiGO artS Gallery, Crane

Arts Building, 1400 N. American St., 215-765-1041. GrABADOS DE OAXACA, Features graphic works from Oaxaca, Mexico. prints will focus on Oaxaca’s rich history and landscape, borrowing many traditions from American indian culture. runs through May. 8. Opening reception Thu, Apr. 8, 6-9pm * . n lOCKS Gallery, 600 Wash-

ington Square S., 215-629-1000.

BETTY WOODMAN, Features mixed media: painting, ceramic, and wood. runs through Apr. 24.

Artist reception Fri, Apr. 2, 5:30pm, *. KATHY BUTTErlY AND Jill BONOViTZ, Features varied, small ceramic pieces. plays with texture through use of glaze. runs through Apr. 24. Artist reception Fri, Apr. 2, 5:30pm, *. n Painted Bride art Center,

230 Vine St., 215-925-9914. HOME, Features new work by Colleen McCubbin Stepanic, which comment on the economy and its effect on family life. Through sewing, painting and cutting new alterations of the word “home” are formed. runs

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | A p r i l 1 - A p r i l 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

45

a&e | feature | the naked city the agenda classifieds | food

dj

Wed., aPril 7

93 ’Til inFiniTY GW@The Khyber, w/ Apple Juice and Danophonic, no cover. Damn, people sure have been hype on the ’90s lately, from dance music to hip-hop. The Khyber’s new party is a full-on stab at bringin’ ’90s dance party action live and direct to you in the bowels of Old City.

After his recent Blunted mixtape gave you some flavor, DJ Apple Juice is ready to rock ya body proper in the club. He says: “We’re doing it midweek ’cause we live young and don’t believe in waiting till the weekend to get funky.”

nights

a SeleCtiVe GUide tO What BanGS in Philly. | by gair marking, aka dev79

W M 1 N/C U V

Weekly Monthly One-off No Charge Breaks Downtempo

h b O A e 9

Drum ’n’ Bass Dubstep/Garage Electro Experimental Funk/Soul Goth/Industrial

1601 Café

Silk City

1601 S. 10th St. Kung Fu necktie

435 Spring Garden St., 215-592-8838

1250 N. Front St., 215-291-4919

tattooed Mom

liberties

530 South St., 215-238-9880

705 N. Second St., 215-238-0660

the Khyber (upstairs)

Mar Bar

56 S. Second St., 215-238-5888

40th and Walnut streets (above Marathon Grill), 215-222-0100

Zee Bar

Medusa lounge

100 Spring Garden St., 215-922-2994

27 S. 21st St., 215-557-1981

Thu., April 1

north

n the attiC M G @ Tattooed Mom

222 South St., 215-238-0299 P.y.t.

1050 N. Hancock St., 215-964-9009 SUMO

1224 Sansom St. Samba nightclub

714 W. Girard ave., 215-625-7900

w/DJ Foxx Boogie. Chock-full of tasty old school and underground flavors from the Get Free Movement, no cover. n WeStSide COnneCtiOn M G

@ p.Y.T. w/Ed Blammo. Celebrating the funky street anthems of the left coast, call for price.

G t i s <

Hip-hop House Latin Progressive House Reggae

n Sin City: Zee Bar’S FOUrth anniVerSary 1 t y z @ Zee Bar

w/DJ Scotty Boy, Dozia, ronnie D and John G. Celebrating in style, Zee goes all out, featuring go-go girls from Jewelz and Delilah’s and a slew of other treats, $10. n tWiSted thUrSday 1 t y > @

Mar Bar w/DJ Gaurav, DJ intense, DJ XTC. 50 cent drinks till midnight get you all twisted, call for price.

Fri., April 2 n FUtUre SOUnd OF BreaKS 1 U @ Samba Nightclub w/Keith

Mackenzie, Fixx, Sporty-O, Jay Shok, Ghost, Smokey & rebuild, Corey B, more. light it Up, ill luminocity and Science Media present this debut party, $20. n BarOQUe M h O e G y b @

y ! > z P

Rock/Pop Techno Top 40 Hip-hop/ R&B Trance World

liberties w/Kyle M, Toney M, John Bean, Dr.Ew. Chalk and rick bring the people another dose of madness, mayhem and music, ladies get their drink on for half price, $5. n teChnatUre M t @ SUMO w/

pete Moss, Sean Thomas. Dedicated to deep and techy sounds to keep you undulating the night away, $5. n in | BetWeen M V A ! @ 1601 Cafe w/Jason Carr, MaD, pandemix. inciting action continue their First Friday blend of deep art and music.

John Emory is the featured artist this month, call for price. n hOt MeSS M U O e G t < y >

@ Silk City w/DJ apt One, Skinny Friedman. philadelphyinz is at it again, with this First Friday killer featuring those smooth, sleazy sounds, call for price.

SAT., April 3

some bump bump, $5.

n hUrrah M O t @ Medusa

Wed., April 7

lounge w/plastic little, Shawn ryan. indie rap darlings rock the roof off the basement, no cover.

n reGGae OldieS niGht M <

n eStat!C 1 O e G t < > @ North

w/DJ Dot.|matic, El Boogie, Jay Wooten. a super diverse lineup for a super diverse crowd, $5.

@ Silk City w/Solomonic Sound, ital Sond, rascul int’l. Foundation tunes and real rockers only, $5.

Sun., April 4 n PeePS 1 O G t < > @ Kung Fu

Necktie w/Strawberry Mansion, Copout. lose your mind after you get down with Easter, call for price.

More on:

citypaper.net

Mon, April. 5.

send dj night tips and

n FUndaMentalS OF hOUSe 1 t @ Kung Fu Necktie w/Jay West,

listings to gair79@

Willyum, Devant. The influential house producer from argentina rolls through to start ya week off with

c i t y p a p e r . n e t. F o r extended club listings, h i t c i t y pa p e r . n e t / d j n i g h t s .

46 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

a p r i l 1 - a p r i l 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

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[ thrillogy ]

TERMiTE TV COllECTiVE’S ThE BASiCS TRilOgY

tet, 9:30pm, $5, Tritone, 1508 South St., 215-545-0475. n leOPOld and hiS FiCtiOn,

8pm, $8, Khyber, 56 S. 2nd St., 215238-5888.

MONDAY 4/5 n diaFaneS with Blue Hippopota-

n FlOrenCe and the MaChine

with Holy Hail, 8pm, $20, TlA, 334 South St., 215-922-1011. n SOUnd in StOne, 9:30pm, $5,

Tritone, 1508 South St., 215-5450475.

TUESDAY 4/6 n adaM MOnaCO Band with

The Grither, Sleepers Wake & Adam Sullivan, 7pm, $7, North Star Bar, 2639 poplar St., 215-684-0808.

[ herstory ]

➤ lEAh B.’S ----And her brAin If you have a story to tell, you don’t need a high-profile name or a bazillion-dollar contract from Joe the Publisher to be heard. Just ask transgender artist Leah B., who has been traveling to bookstores all over the region with ---- And Her Brain, a book she produced independently from the comfort of her cozy York, Pa., abode. Packed with free-verse poetry and prose, doodled sketches and photography shot from a disposable camera, Miss B.’s “half anecdotal” masterpiece outlines the ups and downs of her commitment to flip genders. She’ll present a performance-based reading that she says runs the emotional gamut. “It starts dark and depressing but then becomes lighter when I talk about blossoming as an activist advocating for transgender rights and social change,” she says. Leah B. will also be there to rally support for Gender Edge, a grassroots organization she created to showcase and embolden the trans community through artistic expression. “To me, art ranges from a matter of survival to a true reflection of my soul,” she says. “It’s my main purpose for being on this Earth.” Thu., April 8, 7 p.m., free, Wooden Shoe Books, 704 South St., 215-413-0999, woodenshoebooks.org.

—Josh Middleton

n BlaCK reBel MOtOrCyCle ClUB, 8pm, $20, TlA, 334 South

St., 215-922-1011. n daVid GarZa with Shwa losben

& Nick Howard, 7:30pm, $18, World Café live, 3025 Walnut St., 215222-1400. n death threat with Death

Before Dishonor, Mongoloids & xTheWarx, 6:30pm, $10, Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave., 215-423-8342. n hUMan SOUndS with Epic Fail-

ure & Odessa Stair, 8pm, $8, Khyber, 56 S. 2nd St., 215-238-5888. n Serena ManeeSh with The

Depreciation Guild, 8pm, $12, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215291-4919. n tiM Barry with red Clay

river & The Menzingers, 9pm, $10, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684.

WEDNESDAY 4/7 n CheeZy and the CraCK-

Gentlemen Christ, la Otracina & This Temper, 9pm, $8, M room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577. n the SPinninG leaVeS PaPertreeS with Oso, 9:30pm, $10, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684.

$25, Electric Factory, 7th & Willow sts., 215-336-2000. n JUiCeBOXXX with polygons,

9pm, $5-$10, Danger Danger Gallery, 5013 Baltimore Ave., myspace. com/dangerdangergallery. n KJ SaWKa with Sonic Spank,

SATURDAY 4/3

9pm, $8, M room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577.

n BC CaMPliGht with The Swim-

n ManCheSter OrCheStra

mers & le Fits, 9pm, $10, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684.

with The Features, Biffy Clyro & Oí Brother, 7:30pm, $13.99-$17, Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215-922-5483.

n BeSt COaSt with reading

n PrOJeCt V.i.X. with Nico the

rainbow & Creepoid, 7pm, $10, Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave., 215423-8342.

Beast, Dosage, Kane, Vixion, Key West & Zarinah, 9pm, $10, Khyber, 56 S. 2nd St., 215-238-5888.

n BrOKen PrayerS with The prisoners, 9:30pm, $5, Tritone, 1508 South St., 215-545-0475.

n the BrOnX with Violent Soho,

n ChrOMe tOnGUeS and SteP BrOtherS with roy McKoy,

10:30pm, $3-$5, World Café live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400. n driVe-By trUCKerS with

lucero & langhorne Slim, 8pm,

Mariachi El Bronx & Dead Country, 9pm, $13-$15, North Star Bar, 2639 poplar St., 215-684-0808.

SUNDAY 4/4

Gold, 8pm, $10, M room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577. n hiGh PlaCeS with War On

Drugs, 8pm, $10, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215-291-4919. n needtOBreathe with Will

Hoge & Matt Hires, 7:30pm, $19$27, World Café live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400. n PaPyrUS, 8pm, $8, Khyber, 56 S.

2nd St., 215-238-5888. n ted leO and the PharMaCiStS with Obits, 8pm, $14, First

Unitarian Church, 2125 Chestnut St., 215-563-3980.

More on:

citypaper.net

n Bern Kelly, 9pm, $7, Fire, 412

W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298. n JOneS with Nick Bockrath Quar-

more listings, and they scroll!

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | A p r i l 1 - A p r i l 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

erS with reason to rebel & i-45, 9:30pm, $5, Tritone, 1508 South St., 215-545-0475.

n ClaSS aCtreSS with Solid n the GUnSlinGerS with

food | classifieds

mus, Colinizers & Abstract, 7pm, $8, North Star Bar, 2639 poplar St., 215-684-0808.

the agenda

Local video collective Termite TV offers up the latest serving of its Life Size Action Pictures — half-hour “shows” oriented around specific themes — with the Basics Trilogy (featuring “Water,” “Food,” “Shelter”). This event marks the first time Termite has invaded NoLibs’ Media Bureau, and it’s somewhat of a nontraditional venue, which explains the structure. Besides the shows themselves, Termite TV presents a larger “trilogy” of events. In the café, there will be spoken word performances by local high-schoolers; in the gallery, exhibitions of painting and photography; and in the screening room, the Action Pictures themselves. The shows are funny, but also deeply serious, and often unbelievably moving. It’s impressive: making audiences see the injustice in our handling of humankind’s basic needs while simultaneously celebrating the power and wonder wrapped up in something as simple as a meal, a river and a home. Fri., April 2, 6 p.m.-midnight (Trilogy screens at 6, 8 and 10 p.m.), free, Media Bureau Networks Studios, 725 N. Fourth St., termite.org.

—Sam Kaplan

the naked city | feature | a&e

[ the agenda ]

Agenda Picks

49

SILKCITYPHILLY.COM 5TH & SPRING GARDEN

THURSDAY 4/1

MO $$ NO PROBLEMS DJ SAMMY SLICE DJ COOL HAND LUKE HOST TU PHACE FRIDAY 4/2

HOT MESS DJs APT ONE & SKINNY FRIEDMAN SATURDAY 4/3

DJ DEEJAY

SUNDAY 4/4 SUNDAE DJs LEE JONES & DIRTY MONDAY 4/5

BACK 2 BASICS PRESENTS:

GOOD TO GO

DJs PHSH & RON CLARK

WEDNESDAY 4/7

Vintage Reggae SOLOMONIC SOUND ITAL SOUND RASCUL INT’L COMING UP

4/9: PEX VS PLAYLOOP 4/13: THE NEW AGE 4/14: LEANA SONG 4/16: SO SPECIAL

$1. 00

56 South 2nd St.

#

slider

$2. 00 draft

3

$ . 00 cocktail

4

$ . 00 wine

5

$ . 00

pound of peel and eat shrimp

THURSDAY 9PM

RaRe BiRd Show PReSentS aPRil FoolS’ FeSt

A mix of standup, sketch and improv from Philly’s best comedy troupe.

$

FRIDAY 9PM

Big teRRiBle

East AM The Rowdies, Surgeon, Ah, Wilderness

%

SATURDAY 9PM

PRoject V.i.X.

Nico The Beast Dosage, Kane, Vixion, Keywest, Zarinah

& (

SUNDAY 8PM

leSSeR animalS

Leopold and His Fiction, Creepoid TUESDAY 8PM

human SoundS Epic Failure, Odessa Stair

)

WEDNESDAY 8PM

PaPyRuS like you

happy hour 5pm – 7pm nightly

S. 17th St. tavern17restaurant.com

Meddlesome Meddlesome Meddlesome Bells, Streetcorner Prophets, The Revere

*

THURSDAY 9PM

the new motelS King Orchid The Creeks, In Grenada

NOW SERVING FOOD NOON TILL 7PM $1 DOMESTIC BOTTLES HAPPY HOUR

215.238.5888 WWW.THEkHYBER.COM

Girard

Friday, April 2 Rustic Music Service Presents: Rusty Cadillac, The Amazing One Man Band 6pm Hired Guns Blues Band 10pm Saturday, April 3 Traditional Irish Music Session 4pm Matt Singer, Ross Bellenoit, and Andrew Lipke 10pm Wednesday, April 7 The Three Meese Band - Popular With People Tour 9pm Monday Nights Best Open Mic in Town 9:30pm Tuesdays & Thursdays Quizzo: Pub Quiz 9:30pm

Gro

Friday, April 9th 9pm $5 Loafass, Manopause, Officer Slug and Rustbelt Homewreckers

up Therapy Bar

Saturday, April 17th 9pm $7 Jackie O Production’s Benefit For The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society with The Parkway, The Prisoners, The Handsome Petes and Animal Train

NAKED EASTER EGG HUNT!!!!

Monday Night Jazz Every First Monday with The Fishtown Jazz Odyssey Wed Nite Open Mic 9pm w/ Dave Robins or Abe the Rockstarr

April fools.

Happy Hour Mondays-Fridays 5-7pm $2.50 Kenzinger Pints & More!

No Cover Downstairs!

FREE, 21+ www.Fergies.com

www.myspace.com/fergies booking@fergies.com

1214 Sansom St. 215-928-8118

Beer of the Month SLYFOX PIKELAND PILS!

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ON The CORNeR Of

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HAPPY HOUR 1¢ Drinks & Drafts 5-7pm

EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT 1¢ Drinks & Drafts 10PM-12AM FOOD BUFFET

COLLEGE HOOPS ACTION $ Bud Light during the games

Tuesday & Thursday Quizzo

VOTED BEST OF PHILLY $ Craft Pints

Roosevelts23.com

Open everyday 5p-2a Kitchen Open All Night Happy Hour Everyday 5p-7p

THURSDAY

Wired 96.5 on the Main Floor House Music on The Roof Thursday Birthday - bottle of champagne and cake on the house!

FRiDAY

Hip Hop on the Main Floor House Music on The Roof

SATURDAY

House Music on the Main Floor Hip Hop on The Roof

SUNDAY

House Music on the Main Floor Q102 on The Roof

MONDAY

Latin Night/Free Lessons On the Main Floor Mixed Music on The Roof

TUESDAY

Hip Hop on the Main Floor w/Strength Dance Competition/ Pole Dancing Oldies Music on The Roof

WEDNESDAY

Continuation of Center City Sips 5p-7p Hip Hop on the Roof & Main Floor 116 S.18 th Street 215-568-1020 www.vangoloungeandskybar.com

the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city food classifieds A P R I L 1 - A P R I L 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

52 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

f&d

foodanddrink

spiritsister

By Felicia D’Ambrosio

CUKE TIPS ³ FOR PENNSYLVANIANS, CREATING bar-

quality cocktails at home is both a joy and an endless frustration. Though the basic tools of the trade (pint glass, shaker tin, bar spoon, strainer, muddler, jigger) can be had for about $10 at any restaurant supply shop, the right liquid components can be hard to come by in the commonwealth’s Wine & Spirits stores.

This perpetual lack was my inspiration for a party-worthy cocktail, the PLCB Cucumber Crush, that can be assembled with just two stops — one to a liquor store for locally distilled Bluecoat gin and the Italian aperitif Campari, and another to a market to pick up cucumbers, tarragon, grapefruit juice and club soda. Cucumber and gin is a classic pairing, and the citrus top notes of Bluecoat make for a drink that even gin haters will enjoy.

Muddling cukes and tarragon together releases their essential flavors, while a dash of honey syrup (method below) introduce warmth to the otherwise light/refreshing flavor profiles of the other ingredients. Making the PLCB Cucumber Crush also gives home mixologists a chance to hone their multi-step drink-making skills. Muddled ingredients are left behind in the tin when the mixture is strained over rocks, creating a bright cocktail with no messy, mashed-up bits.

This recipe creates a tart result. The drink can be sweetened by adding additional honey syrup.

The PLCB Cucumber Crush 3 heaping bar spoons peeled, diced cucumber Leaves of one sprig of tarragon (alternatives: mint or lemon verbena) Dash of honey syrup * 1 1/2 ounce Bluecoat gin 1/4 ounce Campari 1 ounce grapefruit juice Club soda, to top Two cucumber slices as garnish In a pint glass, muddle cucumber, tarragon and honey syrup together until thoroughly crushed.

Add ice to glass; pour in Bluecoat, Campari and grapefruit juice. Place shaker tin on top of pint glass and tap to seal; shake mixture hard until outside of the tin frosts. Place several fresh ice cubes in a highball glass. Strain mixture into prepared glass, leaving all solids behind in the tin. Top drink with club soda to fill; garnish with cucumber slices. * Honey syrup is easy to make: Simply combine equal parts honey and near-boiling water and stir to combine. Refrigerate in a sealed container. (felicia.dambrosio@citypaper.net)

STICK IT TO THEM: Chef Ryo Igarashi, who runs Maru Global Takoyaki with his wife, Nicole, mans his specially designed takoyaki griddle.

Maru offers multiple renditions of the Japanese street-food snack.

NEAL SANTOS

[ review ]

(OCTOPUS) BALLS TO THE WALL Takoyaki, the Japanese street snack you didn’t know you were waiting for, has finally landed in Philadelphia. By Trey Popp MARU GLOBAL TAKOYAKI | 255 S. 10th St., 267-273-0567,

maruphilly.com. Mon.-Thu., 11 a.m.-9 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., 11 a.m.-11 p.m.; closed Sun. Salads and sides, $2.75-$6.95; soup and rice dishes, $2-$5.99; takoyaki, $3.25 (for six)-$25 (for 50); yakisoba, $5.99-$6.99; combos and bento boxes, $7.99-$11.99. BYOB. Wheelchair accessible.

T

he first of April is a strange day to say it, but there’s no sense in waiting, so here More on: goes. Friends, foodies, Philadelphians, lend me your ears: The time has come to eat octopus balls.

I’m not talking about an underwater analogue of prairie oysters. You’d have to swallow a lot of octopus testes to kill a decent hunger pang. (As opposed to octopus dingalings, which can grow to lengths that would stagger a porn star.)

I’m talking about takoyaki, a spherical Japanese street snack that’s somewhere between a crêpe, a fritter and a doughnut hole — only with a bit of octopus tentacle tucked into the middle. News of their availability in Philly may still sound like an April Fools’ prank to people who’ve pined for these savory treats ever since a

citypaper.net

trip to Tokyo. Chowhound.com threads dedicated to tracking down Stateside versions are shot through with longing and disappointment, not to mention betrayed hope. Back in 2006 — the same year Masaharu Morimoto made some lobster takoyaki on Iron Chef America — the Japan-based Gindaco fast-food chain announced plans to bring the snack to 20 locations in California between 2007 and 2010. They’ve yet to open the first. In the meantime, takoyaki sightings seem to have been vanishingly rare, outside of a few spots in Los Angeles and New York.

I’d never tasted an octopus ball until I walked into Maru Global Takoyaki on 10th Street between Locust and Spruce. The narrow storefront isn’t much to look at. There’s a cash register by the door, a fridge and TV in the back corner, and a few tables and chairs opposite a long counter. The spare décor ensures that Ryo Igarashi’s takoyaki griddle — a compact shelf of cast iron pocked with inch-deep dimples — is the MORE FOOD AND center of attention.

DRINK COVERAGE The Tokyo native drops a bit of batter AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / into a dimple; adds bits of octopus, scalM E A LT I C K E T. lion and pickled ginger as it sizzles; and deftly flips the puffing morsel upside down with a pair of slender skewers to crisp its other half. He credits powdered mountain yam for giving the batter its distinguishing lift. There is little room for error. One of Igarashi’s line cooks says it took him a week of failure before he scaled the takoyaki learning curve.

Igarashi has cooked at RAW, Amada and Distrito. Each of those kitchens can turn out dishes that shine — but I can’t think of a single one that beat my first octopus ball at Maru. The >>> continued on page 53

Let the feeding frenzy begin.

Food news, recipes, menu exclusives

citypaper.net/ mealticket

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food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

[ i love you, i hate you ] BEAUTIFUL JAGUAR I love to press my body real tight against yours; ribs weaving, hip bones locked, your strong arms wrapped around me. I love to inhale your scent, feel and hear you breathing. When I’m holding myself against you like this it barely feels sexual: I feel so safe and secure being this close to another warm body. I trust you completely. I know it is difficult for both of us to say how we feel; but when you let me press myself against you I know we’re all OK.

FORGIVE AND FORGET It’s crazy because I forgave you when I broke up with him to come back to you. I loved you but you played me. You’re always gonna be a BITCH. How could you seriously be with her? Keyona though?

Damn, she is a ugly, no class having, weed smoking, party every weekend,STD having BITCH. And you swore she was better than me! I hate you, I’m gonna always hate you for being with her. You wanted me to be ya good girl, go to school, go to work and don’t hang out with my friends. Why??

You left me for someone that you didn’t want me to be like! I forgave you, God would of wanted me to. Still, I feel like I need to hurt you, like I need to do something to get some pay back. I don’t need to be with you, I can tell you are bad for me. I plan to leave you, I don’t trust you with my heart anymore.

I’m too good for you, you got the money, I got the brains and the will to move the fuck on! I’m done!

If I stay, I’m gonna go crazy. I know me leaving for good is gonna hurt you, but did you care when you hurted me by fucking her for three months? Fuck You, I hope you hurt till total destruction. This is my confession...I forgive you...Now IT’S TIME TO FORGET YOU...

will be a thing of the past I’m just so mad at myself for the time that I can’t get back..We have to find a “CONNECTION” can you help me with this?... if its meant to be.. We will see soon..I love you..

I KNOW YOU DID I know you stole my wallet. You know you bumped into me and stole it while I was enjoying some drunk conversation. You know you did it and you’re a scum bag. I can’t prove anything but I doubt I’m the only one you’ve robbed. I put all the pieces together in my head the next morning. I hope you enjoyed spending my 20 bucks you asshole.

MYSTERY NOTE GUY Last Friday I was having coffee with a friend in Center City in the park with all the wooden benches and tables. I was blonde, friend was brunette with a little dog. You walked by and left me a note and it made me smile. It actually made my day. Unfortunately, you were not forward enough as I did not get a phone number and you didn’t stop to talk.

SATURDAY NIGHT What a wanker! Saturday night at Westy’s.I can’t

A P R I L 1 - A P R I L 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

56 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

TABULA RASA Tabula Rasa is what I want. I want a time machine to go back a few years and be what we were, before all the pressure and expectations. Then I want to come back to the future and see you again, without all the pressure and expectations. I want us to not be mad at each other for all we’ve wrote and all we’ve said and all we haven’t done and just maybe we’ll see each other again and it’ll be wonderful. I want us to forget about the computer love. Forget about the sex or lack of it. Forget about the cheating. Let’s just start from the 10 yard line and be real friends. Treat each other right this time. Can you do this?

TENDERING MY RESIGNATION! I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&M’s are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day. I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes,but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair.

That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind and making angels in the snow. So, here’s my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my RRSP. statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, ‘cause...”Tag!!!!!!! You’re It!!!!!!!!!!!!

HATE LOVING YOU I can finally admit that I’m totally and hopelessly in love with you. I love the way you look at me and listen patiently and have kept me sane during the worst time of my life. I love that you still have faith in me, even when I don’t, and somehow manage to find me beautiful and funny though I’m a mess.

You have kept me as close to together as I can be at the moment, and for that, I’m thankful, because I need you more than anyone. At the same time, I hate you for making me fall in love with you. It was so much easier when it was simply fun- flirting, coffee, sex. Now I remind myself on a daily basis that we’ll never actually be together, that I will never wake up with you on a lazy Saturday morning, let alone walk down the aisle with you or have a life that people know about. I resent you because I need you so damn much, and I hate to be that girl, and because hell if I know for certain how you feel.

It almost doesn’t matter, because nothing can ever happen, and I can never say any of these words to you, no matter how desperately I want to, or how much I ache to be able to say I love you. Wouldn’t it be easier to just return to the way it was, dirty texts and fun, without all of the emotional stuff?

Too late now. Damn you.

phone once a week and seeing each other in a blue moon. I traded in my daily news for a stint at a mental hospital...and well, you were gone. I still think you’re the hard pretzel, he’s the cranberry juice, and I’m the mustard.

IN THE MIDST Of all the heartache games...you came along and made everybody smile. You can of course regress to childhood...or take the best of childhood and adulthood and mix it up. Have a kid! Because you know if you’re 8, you’re most likely not having sex. And do you really want to give that up?

HE’S NOT THE ONE

MISS YA

I know that its been a long time. Over a year.I will always love you... More then just a friend...I hate the fact that my heart is so fucking big.. For the wrong people..I cant help myself I’m inlove with you.. It hurts me because I can’t show you how I feel without the fucking haters in the fucking way...

He can’t read, or write.. Soon all this shit with him

They neverpublish me at Westies. So I don’t know if you get my messages there. What I wanted to say is “I Miss Ya” and maybe one of these days I’ll give in and call ya. I think there are forces that are against us...maybe it’s you? I’d be your friend, if that’s all you wanted. Is that all you want? Let me know. Don’t lie.

say that the word “prick” can describe you accurately. A man gets up in front of a whole bar and sings his heart out and all you can do is fuck him over with your pretentious, douchebag bullshit. I hope you rot in maggots, you baldy fuck-knob. I’ll see you next week.

SWEET DAYDREAM Once I thought we’d be sitting around laughing about all this years later, still writing sweet notes, living the adventure every day...a word or phrase here...a fight there...romantic make ups...nighttime beach rendezvous...but every night we’d be falling asleep side by side and waking up to the miracle that is us. Now I pretend we’re friends, talking daily over the internet, talking over the

TIPPING ETIQUETTE When someone pays w/ cash for part of a bill, he/she should also leave the corresponding tip.

If I charge the rest of the bill on my card, I would pay tip on that amount — but why should I pay the tip for the other person’s share of the bill?

Where do you come up with these bright ideas?

Same place you learned your grammar? THE OBSERVER

✚ To place your FREE ad (100 word limit), go to citypaper.net/ILUIHU and follow the prompts. ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate.

City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

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home Services

pre-registration or experience required...just drop in!

mAkE moNEy WITH BARTER

If you love barter, come and work for Merchants Barter. Sell our barter services to local businesses, make $75,000+ per year. moBIlE pHoNE CAR kIT

Jupiter Jack is the inexpensive answer to acquiring a hands free cell phone system in your own vehicle. http://www.buyjupiterjack.com NEW AGE 3-D WooD ART

DATING FoR pRoFESDoNAlD’S HomE REmoDElING

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GET STDTESTED! 877742-1065

*REGISTER FoR FREE FooD

specializing in kitchens and baths. No job too small. call for a free estimate 215-317-5232

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ARE YOU TIRED OF LOOKING AT THAT SAME OLD COLOR?? IF SO JUST CALL US AND HAVE THE JOB DONE RIGHT AT A REASONABLE PRICE WE OFFER FREE ESTIMATES AND- WE TAKE CALLS TILL 9PM FOR MORE INFO PLEASE CALL 267-6848148 THE ulTImATE GIRlS NIGHT!!!

Bachelorette parties, birthday parties, or just a fun night in.

Having a Passion Party is a great way to spend an evening with your girlfriends! You’ll laugh, you’ll learn something new, but best of all- you will have access to tools that can spice up your love life! As a hostess, you and your guests can earn fabulous free products. So dont delay, book your party today!

To host a party contact your local independant consulant at: chelseatorrespassions@ yahoo.com.

For Sale BDSm STuDIo 4 SAlE

One of Philly’s oldest and best equipped video/photo studios is now available for purchase at below market rate. Includes all equipment: (Including very large collection in storage): facility, phones, credit cards if qualified. Lease option; Friendly landlords, sleeping quarters, and much, much more. Turn key operation ready fort the right person to take it to the next level. Female Oriented.

215-238-0940.

Register today with Family Food Rewards and get a free $250 grocery store gift card. http://minyurl.org/familyfoods \WHolESAlE/RETAIl CloTHING

Women’s clothing, Men’s Clothing, Shoes, Sunglasses, Cell Phones Laptops, Women’s Sandals Women’s Sexy hosiery, Cell Phone Charger Stands, Women’s Sexy Shoes, Giorgio Armani Sunglasses, Geoffrey Beene belts, Women’s Stiletto Shoes.

These are just a few of the items on sale more to come every week

Pets NEED HElp 2 pAy 4 pET mEDS?

We have discount prescription drug cards available for the animals in your life, or for you! The cards are free.

health Services $7 THEmED yoGA ClASS

“Mapping the Path to the Self”, a themed vinyasa yoga class w/Micki Ramondt Monday, April 5th from 9:30-11am @ Wake UpYoga West, 4916 Baltimore Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19143. No pre-registration is required...just drop in!

CHINESE BoDy mASSAGE

at BTY Skincare. $50 per hour any style. 1100 Washington Avenue. 215-755-2088.

GuIDED SuFI mEDITATIoN—$7

Sunday, April 4th, 7-8pm @ Wake UpYoga West, 4916 Baltimore Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19143. Contribution: $7. No

$7 THEmED yoGA ClASS

“Mapping the Path to the Self”, a themed vinyasa yoga class w/Micki Ramondt Monday, April 5th from 9:30-11am @ Wake UpYoga West, 4916 Baltimore Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19143. No pre-registration is required...just drop in!

CHINESE BoDy mASSAGE

at BTY Skincare. $50 per hour any style. 1100 Washington Avenue. 215-755-2088. kIRTAN CoNCERT

w/the Temple Bhajan Band.

Friday, March 26th @ Wake Up Yoga Fairmount, 2329 Parrish Street, Philadelphia, PA 19130. 8pm. Contribution: $10. Please call the studio at 215.235.1228 to reserve your space! lIFE CoACHING & CouNSElING

Attainment Life Management & Coaching is a family owned/ operated company, founded to help clients attain their life goals both personally & professionally. Please feel free to see our website & email us direct: www.attainmentlife. com inquiry@attainmentlife. com Affordable Prices, Effective Help when YOU need it!

We offer in person sessions, phone sessions & E-Mail Coaching.

SANSkRIT lEvEl 1 W/mANoRAmA

Wake Up Yoga South (1839 E Passyunk Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19148). Saturday, March 20th 11am-5pm & Sunday, March 21st 11am3pm. Contribution: $205 plus $36 materials fee. Pre-registration is encouraged. Please call 215.235.1228 to reserve your spot. Don’t miss the opportunity to study with this masterly teacher! yIN yoGA TEACHER TRAINING

with Corina Benner @ Wake Up Yoga South. Two weekends: June 11-13 & June 2527. Fridays 6-9pm, Saturdays 9am-5pm, Sundays 9am-4pm.

Contribution: $450 ($395 if registered by May 21st) Click on the attached link and/or call Wake Up Yoga at 215.235.228 for more information. yoGA ImmERSIoN W/CoRINA

Accompanied by Thomas Flanagan on sitar. Friday, April 2nd, 1-3pm @ Wake Up Yoga Fairmount. Contribution: $18. No pre-registration...just drop by!

IRISH SoDA BREAD

Diane Cooks ForYou is offering St. Patrick Day specials: Irish Soda Bread Traditional Irish Soda Bread made with 100% organic ingredients. $3.00 a loaf.

Regularly $4.00. Special price ends 3/31/10 Call Diane at 610419-2099 or go to http://www. dianecooksforyou.com

gently moving your earthly possessions

215.670.9535

www.mambomovers.com

65

Driver: REGIONAL COMPANY DRIVERS Average $800+

HElp WANTED

childless couple promises love, wonderful future, stayat-home mom, lots of cousins. Expenses Paid. www.

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P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | A p r i l 1 - A p r i l 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

Excellent Full/Part Time Customer Relations Opportunity Local Distributor for Domestic & International Manufacturer with divisional office in El Cerrito. Now Hiring Full/Part Time for Indoor Air Treatment System.

Now Expanding with Immediate Openings P/T in Sales Department in the East Bay Area. (Hercules, Berkeley, Emeryville, Rodeo, Pinole, El Sobrante, Martinez, Albany, Kensington, Orinda, Moraga, San Pablo and their nationwide office ) No Experience Required Must be at least 18 years of age Reliable Vehicle for Transportation EVENING AND WEEKEND POSITIONS AVAILABLE Company Offers: · PAID TRAINING · NO LAYOFFS · RAPID ADVANCEMENT · PAID VACATION All applicants must be Neat in Appearance, Hard Working, & Ready to Start Immediately!

SEND YOUR RESUME to: vivandlaw01@yahoo.com

Between High School and College? Over 18? Drop that entry level position! Earn what you’re worth!! Travel w/Young Successful Business Group.

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ventory, filing, organizing and some administrative duties.

You must be able to thrive in a team environment and also work well alone. Successful candidate for this role will have excellent knowledge of Simply Accounting. Strong written and oral communication is a must.

To be considered for this great opportunity please e-mail The Right Fit Staffing Solutions Inc. at mikemayer2001@gmail. com.YOU WILL EARN UP TO $3000 MONTHLY. If interested All applicants must be authorized to work in United State and Canada

classifieds

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per week. Immediate Benefits.

Great Equipment. CDL-A w/1 year experience, 23 yoa. Call NFI Sunday or anytime: 877888-8476. www.nficareers. com.

POLICIES: It is the responsibility of the Advertiser to check his or her ad the first time it runs. This newspaper can assume no responsibility for errors beyond the first printing of the incorrect ad. City Paper will not be responsible for failure to insert an advertisement. City Paper reserves the right to edit advertising copy, graphics and photos.

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classifieds

the

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

r eal estate

➤

or situation, back taxes, back water bills, liens, judgements, estate, shortsale, pre foreclosure. you name it we buy it!

➤

rentals

W/D, D/W, Hardwood Floors, Intercom, Private Courtyard.

One block from the Piazza $900 + Utilities. (610) 3580723

9Th & bAInbRIdGe

Queens VILLAGe

noRTheRn LIbeRTIes

4 room apartment, 1 st floor, hardwood floors, washer/dryer $750 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 RITTenhouse sQuARe

homes for Sale www.weneedhouses2buy.com

we buy houses, any situation, back taxes, back water bill, liens, judgements, land lords looking to get out of renting, shortsale, pre foreclosure. you name it we buy it!! for more info go to www.weneedhouses2buy.com

apartments for rent 3bR Rowhome w PARKInG/decK

3br/2.5ba rowhome available now - $2,400/month. 20XX Catharine Street. Convenient to Rittenhouse, Broad Street, all major highways.

ART museum

Condos for Sale wAsh sQ w bAnG 4 youR bucK

Rehabbed 4 rooms, yard, washer/dryer, bring pets, utilities paid! $650 LOCATORS 215-923-8400

Opportunity Knocks! Bargain prices! Studios, 1/2BR condos at Broad & Locust! Starting in low 100’s! Condo fee includes ALL utilities and fitness center.

Check out ArtsCondo.net for details or Call Kim Schreiner 215.992.1726 REMAX Affiliates NE

busTLeTon

land/ lots for Sale

cenTeR cITy

LAnd foR sALe

Potter County- 5 acres adjacent to 4000 acre State Game Lands. Perc, Electric, small stream on land, hard road frontage. $34,900. Owner financing. 800-668-8679.

Seasonal/ Ocean Property for Sale wATeRfRonT PRoPeRTIes

Coastal North Carolina free list of land bargains, water homesites from $35,900- direct access ICWW, Pamlico Sound, Atlantic Ocean. Financing available. 1-800-566-5263.

Large 4 rooms, fee paid, large kitchen, pets ok $600’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 cATeR GARdens

4 bedroom duplex! Parking, pets, no credit check! $625 LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 Great location! Cozy redone house apartment, air, appliances $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 cenTeR cITy

House apartment, No credit check! Hardwood floors, pets $575 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 cenTeR cITy

Just renovated 3 bedroom! Patio, yard, pets ok $725 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 eAsT mT AIRy

Duplex 2 bedroom, deck, fireplace, air, parking $725 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 fAIRmounT PARK

new Jersey Property for Sale

1st floor 2 bedroom house apartment, patio, yard, deck $600’s LOCATORS INC 215922-3400

Ineedhouses2buy.com

noRTheRn LIbeRTIes

we buy houses, any condition

1126 C Oniel. 2 bedroom, A/C,

Walnut Street! 13 ft ceilings!

Loft! Pets ok $800’s LOCATORS 215-923-8400 sPAcIous fouR bedRoom

38xx Spr ing Garden St.; beautiful and spacious four bedroom/2 bath; hardwood floors; free use washer and dryer; dishwasher; avail. 8/25; close to Drexel, Penn, Center City and public transportation; call 610-658-0103; $1700+ TemPLe

2+ bedrooms, no credit check!

Yard, bring pets! Negotiable lease $525 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 unIVeRsITy cITy

$1350 Plus Light, bright, and airy three bedroom on third floor of converted Victorian.

Perfect for USP students.

Hardwood floors, Kitchen/ living area with lots of light.

Large ceramic tile bath with washer and dryer. Two ample bedrooms on main floor with third bedroom in loft area. Call 215-327-6314.

Sunny, Clean 1BR Apt. C/A. W/D on premises. Avail: immediately. $900/mo. 215983-0887 Extremely Large Bi-level 1 Bedroom, 1 and 1/2 baths, W/D, Hardwood Floors, eat in kitchen, high ceilings, private back yard with overlooking deck... $975 + utilities. 856 985-8357 one bedRoom/RenT

Ave.of the Arts/1500 Kater St. Fabulous converted Warehouse Spacious and sunny 1 bdrm, gourmet kitchen, large living room, w/d, central a/c.

Well maintained bldg. $1295 + util April/May Availability Call 215 440-5320 Queens VILLAGe

Renovated 1 bedroom apartment, large kitchen, utilities paid $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 Queens VILLAGe

Renovated 1 bedroom, utilities paid! Large kitchen, $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-9238400 unIVeRsITy cITy

No credit check! Rehabbed 1 bedroom, pets ok $500 LOCATORS 215-923-8400

two Bedrooms ART museAum VcT

souTh PhILAdeLPhIA

2 bedroom house apartment, near park! Fenced yard, washer/dryer $500’s LOCATORS 215-922-3400 souTh PhILAdeLPhIA

Pets welcome! 2 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 story home! Finished basement $625 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 souTh PhILAdeLPhIA

Two bedroom 2 story house, quaint setting! Dining room, pets $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 TemPLe unIVeRsITy

Just redone! Two bedroom duplex! Private entrance, pets welcome $600’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 unIVeRsITy cITy

No credit check! 2 bedroom Duplex apartment, patio, pets $650 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400

three+ Bedrooms ART museum

3 bedroom 2 bath 2 story, ample parking, basement, pets $900’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 bReweRyTown

No credit check! 3 story 3 bedroom home with finished basement $675 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 bRIdesbuRG Vc

Studio/ efficiency

Immacualant 2 bedroom! Dining room, patio, appliances $625 LOCATORS INC 215923-3400

RITTenhouse sQuARe

noRTheRn LIbeRTIes

cedAR PARK

Lovely Studio in Beautiful Brownstone, Block to Rittenhouse Sq, New Kitchen, HW Flrs, Onsite Laundry, Intercom Entry. Ask About Move-in Discounts! $875/Mo. 215-7358030. # 216850

1126 C Oniel. 2 bedroom, A/C, W/D, D/W, Hardwood Floors, Intercom, Private Courtyard. One block from the Piazza $900 + Utilities.

(610) 358-0723

One Bedroom

2nd & Girard area. Gated court yard, Hardwood Floors, Washer/Dryer, Dishwasher, Garbage Disposal, Central Air. $900 per month plus Gas & Electric. 610-544-5931

15Th/sPRuce

Beautiful Art Deco High-rise 1Bdrm Apt, Desk Attendant, HW Flrs, Updated Kitch, Onsite Laundry, Intercom Entry, Amazing Location!. From $1080/Mo. 215-735-8030.

Ask About Move-in Discounts!

Lic #219789.

noTheRn LIbeRTIes TRInITy

RIVeRfRonT VcT

2 bedroom apartment, washer/ dryer, appliances, newly renovated! $600’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

3 bedroom home, den, parking, bring pets! $800”s LOCATORS 215-922-3400 3 bedroom, 2 story home, fee paid! Basement, patio, dining room $800 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 cenTeR cITy

2 story house, 3 bedroom, patio, yard, pets ok!$725 LOCATORS 215-923-8400 cenTeR cITy

4 bedroom, Spruce Street!

Fee paid, parking, utilities paid $1400 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 GReATeR noRTheAsT

Bring pets! 3 bedroom 2 bath home, parking yard, patio $850 LOCATORS INC 215923-8400

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GReATeR noRTheAsT

lulueightball

By Emily Flake

Bring pets! 3 bedroom yard, porch, parking $850 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 hunTInG PARK

No credit check! 3 bedroom, 2 story, fee paid! Fenced yard LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 KensInGTon

Lease purchase & Own it! lovely 3 bedroom 2 story, fee paid $675 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 KInGsessInG

No credit check! 3 bedroom 2 story house, yard, pets $700’s LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 LAwncResT

3 bedroom, 2 story house, Lease purchase! Basement, washer/dryer $850 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 LAwncResT

Three bedroom home, 2 story, garage, hardwood floors, patio $800’s LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 noRTh PhILAdeLPhIA

No credit check! 3 bedroom 2 story, basement, pets $750 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 noTheRn LIbeRTIes

Two story, 3 bedroom 2 bath,

patio, basement, washer/dryer, yard $700’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 oLde cITy VcT

Lease purchase & own it! 3 bedroom 2 story house, patio, basement $795 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 oLney

Pets welcome! 2 story, 2+ bedroom home, parking $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 oVeRbRooK

3 bedroom, 2 story, fee paid! basement, deck, garage, washer/dryer $850 LOCATORS 215-922-3400 RIchmond

Bring pets! 3 bedroom, 2 story house, basement yard $800 LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 RIchmond VcT

3 bedroom 2 story house, no credit check! Yard, basement $650 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 RoXboRouGh

3 bedroom renovated home!

2 story, patio, yard, hardwood floors $1250 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 unIVeRsITy cITy

Three bedroom 2 story house, fenced yard, patio, washer/dryer, basement $800 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 unIVeRsITy of PennsyLVAnIA

eAsT mT AIRy

Two story, possible 4 bedrooms home, lease purchase, fee paid. pets $1200 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 fAIRmounT PARK

Single house! Poss 4 bedroom 2 bath, patio, yard, garage $1100 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 fIshTown

Four bedroom 2 batn home with alarm system! Big kitchen, roof deck! $950 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 fIshTown

Four bedroom 2 story house, roof deck! Patio, alarm! $950 LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 fIshTown

Seven rooms, 2 stoey, hardwood floors, parking, pets ok, deck $750 LOCATORS 215922-3400 fRAnKfoRd

No credit check! 2 storyhse, basement, pets ok? $550 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 GeRmAnTown

5 bedroom, 3 baths, no credit check! Lease purchase! $1400 LOCATORS INC 215-9223400

ment, porch, hardwood floors, $850 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 RoXboRouGh

Three bedroom renovated home, 2 story, patio, yard $1250 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 souTh PhILAdeLPhIA

3+ bedrooms, 2 story house, lease purchase & own it! Deck $700 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 souTh PhILAdeLPhIA

Four bedroom 2 story house, Rent To Own! Fenced yard $875 LOCATORS 215-923-8400 souTh PhILAdeLPhIA

Four bedroom 2 story, Lease purchase! Basement, fee paid $875 LOCATORS INC 2153400 souThwesT PhILAdeLPhIA

Three bedroom 2 story home, lease purchase & own it! $795 LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 sPRInG GARden VcT

Single 4 bedroom 2 bath, basement, hardwood floors, washer/ dryer, yard. LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 sPRuce sTReeT

GeRmAnTown

Six bedroom huge single home!

Parking, yard, good locale $1300 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400

Four bedroom Center City home! Fee paid, hardwood floors, parking, pet ok $1400 LOCATORS INC 215-9223400

GReAToR noRTheAsT

TemPLe unIVeRsITy

3 bedroom 2 story house, fenced yard, park, basement, porch, dining room $875 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

No credit check! 4 bedroom home, porch, yard $1100 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

No credit check! 3 bedroom lease purchase! Yard, basement $750 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

hoLmesbuRG

2 story 4 bedroom 2 bath house, No credit check! pets ok! $1100 LOCATORS 215-923-8400

homes

houses foR RenT

Great location! 3 bedroom, appliances, storage $925 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 wesT PhILAdeLPhIA

11XX TRee sT.

Huge totally renovated 4br 1.5ba house. Finished basement, W/D, dishwasher, whirlpool tub, large extra room. $1750 Mike 267-242-3780 4sALebyLAndLoRd.com

tired of landlording? we buy houses in any situation. bad tenants, rental property, fixer uppers, liens, judgements, back taxes, back water, you name it we buy it. go to www.4salebylandlord.com AcAdemy GARdens

No credit check! 7 rooms,yard, pets ok $750 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 AcAdemy GARdens

Seven rooms, washer/dryer, appliances, No credit check1 $850 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 cAsTeR GARdens

Negotiable lease! Nice 6 rooms, no credit check, yard $700 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 cenTeR cITy

Four bedroom, Spruce Street!

Bring pets! parking, utilities paid $1400 LOCATORS 215923-8400 chesTnuT hILL VcT

Large single! 4 bedroom 3 baths, yard, no credit check!

LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 chesTnuT hILL VcT

Two Story 3+ bedroom 2 bath house, Lease purchase! yard $1200 LOCATORS INC 215923-8400 dReXeL

3 bedroom, walk to school!

Newly renovated! Appliances, $750 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400

Cottage! seven rooms, finished basement, parking, yard $900 LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 Browse thousands of rental listings with photos and maps.

Advertise your rental home for FREE! Visit: http://www.RealRentals.com.

LuXuRy condo noRRIsTown

2BR Condo in Norristown $1175/mo. New floors & p a i n t , W / D, p o o l , c e n t r a l air,balcony. Close to major highways.Must see! Call 215346-6320 mAnAyunK VcT

Lease purchase! Bring pets, 6 bedroom 2 story home, No credit check! LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 noRTh LIbeRTIes VcT

4 bedroom single! Basement, hardwood floors, washer/dryer, yard, basement $1450 LOCATORS 215-922-3400 oAK LAne

Spacious 6 bedroom, 3 bath twin! Fireplace, basement, fenced yard for pets! $1200 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 oLney

3 bedroom, renovated 2 story house, garage, basement, patio, parking $895 LOCATORS 215-922-3400 PoRT RIchmond

4 bedroom, 2 story, parking, yard, basement, dining room $850 LOCATORS 215-9223400 Queen VILLAGe

2 story 4 Bedroom 3 baths!

Lease purchase & Own it! LOCATORS 215-923-8400 RhAwnhuRsT

Seven large rooms! Fee paid!

Yard, patio, pets $750 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 RhAwnhuRsT VcT

7 rooms, no credit check! Base-

unIVeRsITy cITy

Commerical/ Warehouse $14 1000 sQ fT RhsL sPAce

Over 1000 SF of clear and open space. Great for rehearsal, dance, yoga or martial arts. Bus at door. Adjoining kitchen. $14 an hour is the base rate. Longer term rates available.

medIcAL offIces foR LeAse

Heart of S. Phila 1900 S. Broad St. Great location for Medical Center adjacent to St. Agnes Medical Center. 9,830 sq. ft or 0.2257 acres. Contact 215-9371271 for inquiries.

roommates RoomATes.com

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of a mouse! Visit: http:/www.Roommates.com.

Vacation/ Seasonal rental VAcATIon RenTALs

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily.

Holiday Real Estate.1-800-6382102 Online reservations www. holidayoc.com.

real estate Marketplace AduLT communITy/ReAL esTATe

Smithville, NJ- 55+ FOUR SEASONS- Large MULBURY Model, handicap accessible, 2 sunrooms, premium lot. Near AC and shore. Owner Financing 3% 609-748-2988, 609335-5124.

118 East Chestnut Avenue, North Wildwood, NJ 08260

Absolute Turn-key ready with a very open floor plan.

Just right for the big family. Asking $429,900 • • • • • • • •

Open Floor Plan with 3 decks 1,742 Sq. ft. living space 3 large bedrooms, 2 ½ Baths Gas Fireplace, Gas Heat and Central Air Conditioning Oversized Garage plus outside parking for 2 cars Outside enclosed hot/cold shower Large yard Fully Furnished right down to the silverware

Call 215-588-3992

8FMDPNF

To The Wellington At Rittenhouse Square

Magnificent Square View Apartments! Studios,1, 2 & 3 Bedrooms Two Year Lease at Same Rate. All Utilities Included. Pet Friendly 19th & Walnut Streets Philadelphia PA 19103 (215) 567-7810

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

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EVERYHOME

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We publish Every listing in Philadelphia Every day. Check out our Hotsheet!

introducing EveryHome Realty. keeping the “REAL” in realty. WE gEt it. We know what you want and how you want it. interested in selling your home?

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Need to talk to a live person?

215-699-5555 Ask for Michael EveryHome.com

We answer our phones until 8pm everyday day of the week…you won’t get that from the big names. But, you’ll also love what we don’t do. We don’t steer you to listings that are inside the office or have higher commission. We don’t waste money on renting big fancy offices. We don’t spend big advertising dollars. We don’t waste money on franchise fees. We spend less and pass the savings on to you.

WE PAY YOU WHEN YOU BUY A HOME.

We know your neighborhood, we live there, we play there and we want to help you become our neighbor.

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | A p r i l 1 - A p r i l 8 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

Meet , we put the REAL in real Estate. We know what you want, when and how you want to buy or sell a home. Our realtors offer the full service of the big name real estates offices in fact, we do so much more.

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SILK CITY DINER â&#x20AC;¢ LOUNGE First Friday, 4-2-10 Philadelphyinz Presents:

HOT MESS THE PHILADELPHYINZ HIP-HOUSE EP

HOUSE OF YINZ RELEASE PARTY ALL NUDE UPSCALE GENTLEMENâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CLUB 9XZ_\cfi GXikp ?\X[hlXik\ij =i\\ J_lkkc\ Kf 8e[ =ifd Pfli CfZXk`fe 1075 Albany Ave. A.C. Nj 609-340-0252 www.allureatlanticcity.com Efn ?`i`e^ ;XeZ\ij :Xcc +/+$)*0$----

Thursday April 1

DJs APT ONE & SKINNY FRIEDMAN $5, Free before 11. $2 High Life

Open every day 4pm - 2am Sat & Sun Brunch 10am - 4pm 5th & Spring Garden www.silkcityphilly.com

2740 S Front St . Philadelphia

215-467-1980