Philadelphia City Paper, April 22nd, 2010

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NEWS | In defense of booze cops

RE:VIEW | “What a vagina should look like” FOOD | You shad me at hello

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CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 3] The Phillies apologize to Michael Vangelo

and his 11-year-old daughter after fan Matthew Clemmens vomited on them on purpose. Adding,“Of course, at the Vet we’d have put the guy on PhanaVision, so let’s keep things in perspective.”

[ + 4] Police catch a Center City bank robber

after the teller slips a GPS device in with the loot. But he escapes when they drive into a fountain on the way to jail.

[ - 3]

Residents in two North Philly high-rises do not get U.S. Census forms in the mail.

And wink out of existence.

[ + 1] During a traffic accident between a car

and a few horse-drawn carriages in Old City, three horses break free. While the car’s engine stayed put. There’s a lesson in there, Commodore.

[ + 1] The FBI figures out that, despite wearing

a different T-shirt each time, one man is responsible for three recent bank robberies. Then the investigators lose their keys, no wait, here they are, in the other pocket.

Now, where’d we put our glasses? Oh.

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[0]

Political experts say the four Democratic candidates for governor have spent more time on the road together than any in recent history. But the joyride turns deadly when they flip off Republican Tom Corbett in an 18-wheeler.

[ + 1] All four Democratic candidates vow to create a greener Pennsylvania at an Academy of Natural Sciences forum. “Thanks!” says the rotting, stuffed pelt of an endangered gorilla forever encased in a life-size diorama display just 15 feet away.

[ + 1] A 9-year-old beats Mayor Nutter in a chess game at the Checkmate Violence 24-Hour Chess Marathon. Then a baby beats Nutter at Connect Four. A baby!

[ + 1] Sam Katz describes himself and former

Mayor John Street, who he ran against in ’99 and ’03, as “just two old warhorses who’ve been through a lot.” Adding, “Well maybe I’m more of a war My Little Pony. Or, like, a war-something else that never won anything.”

This week’s total: 9 | Last week’s total: 22

EVAN M. LOPEZ

AMILLIONSTORIES Creating a chilling effect, since 1981

I

n what ass-backward place do the Green, Constitution and Libertarian parties all have the same goal? Pennsylvania,

of course! The Center for Competitive Democracy (CCD) — those three bad boys and a bunch of others — filed a federal lawsuit in April challenging the state’s less-than-open ballot-access laws. The CCD takes issue with the fact that many counties don’t tally write-ins. (Damn! Santa Claus and Jesus are never gonna win.) It also argues that Pennsylvania’s threshold for being a major political party — claiming 15 percent of registered voters —is insurmountable. But here’s the really interesting wrong that CCD’s suit was trying to right: Pennsylvania is the only state in which thirdparty candidates, after having their nomination papers successfully challenged, have to pay the litigation costs of the folks who challenged them. It first happened in 2004, when the court ruled that Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader had to pay about $81,000 of his challengers’ fees. Then, in 2006, when Carl Romanelli ran as the Green Party candidate for U.S. Senate, he got slapped with a similar fee.

“These fees create a chilling effect,” says CCD attorney Oliver Hall.“The entire reason for being a third party is to recruit candidates and run them.” He points to at least three third-party candidates in Pennsylvania who were running in ’06, but dropped out because they feared being hit with such fees.

Last week, however, Judge Lawrence Stengel threw out their case, ruling that the plaintiffs lacked standing to challenge the state’s assessment of court costs. In other words, the CCD isn’t Nader or Romanelli — the guys who actually got screwed — and thus can’t claim injury. The CCD will likely appeal appeal.

But if the third parties ever win this thing, do they expect to, y’know, get candidates elected in Pennsylvania? “My gut feeling is no,” says Steve Baker, a Green Party member. “But regardless, all candidates should stand before the public without interference.”

“Those laws can be somewhat complicated.”

³ SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

Surely, somewhere within the depths of your beer-swilling, Marlboro-puffing, pretzeldog-munching soul lies a smidge of sympathy for those poor bastards whose job it is to enforce this state’s byzantine liquor laws. Right?

No? Well, maybe you should. The Bureau of Liquor Control Enforcement (BLCE) is but an arm of the state police; still, they’re the guys who end up going Elliot Ness on gastropubs that dare to serve craft beers that aren’t properly registered with >>> continued on adjacent page

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AMILLIONSTORIES <<<

the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board (PLCB) — the gall! — storming the joints with armed agents and carrying away kegs of sweet, sweet beer to rot in faraway police storage facilities.

And like the good drunkards we are, last week we were pleased as punch to read that a state House committee read the booze cops the riot act.

Not as pleased as we would have been if the committee was, say, abolishing the PLCB, but, hey, small victories.

In a hearing about the early March raids on three Philly bars — as it turned out, at least some of the confiscated beer from the Memphis Taproom, Local 44 and Resurrection Ale House

E VA N M . L O P E Z

was, in fact, on the PLCB’s list — state Rep. John Taylor took after Maj. John Lutz, the BLCE director, thusly, according to kyw1060.com: “To have four armed agents go into a small establishment about this kind of violation is an overuse of manpower.”

To which Lutz responded: “With all due respect to these three bars, there are a lot of bars that we go into that may not have that particular clientele, and there is a danger.”

That got our antennae twitching. Could beer policing really be that dangerous? We searched newspaper archives looking for incidents in which BLCE agents had to draw their guns or fend off assailants, but found nothing. So, we called Lutz and asked him.

“What I tried to point out was, when we go into these bars, we’re no longer undercover,” he says. In a crowded bar, full of people who are, by definition, drinking, it’s possible that some half-cocked douche will attempt to play heroic beer-saver. We’ll give him that. We’ll also let him point out that the cops’ guns weren’t drawn, and they weren’t carrying axes. And, we’ll acknowledge that, if you’re going to haul a bunch of heavy kegs out of a bar, it might be wise to have more than one cop on scene. It still seems a little heavy-handed to us, considering these aren’t bars where frat boys pound Bud Light Golden Wheat or whatever Anheuser-Busch is crapping out these days — but cops will be cops.

Anything else you’d care to tell us, Major? “I don’t write the laws, I enforce them.” Those laws, he continues, “can be somewhat complicated. … I go back to the fact that I don’t write them. But I have to enforce them.” And, he continues, his officers play by the same rules as the rest of us — at which point you begin to wonder if maybe he thinks we should scrap this ridiculous system, too.

Sadly, at that same hearing last week, the lawmakers all agreed that the registration system was basically fine. Sigh. ³ ADVENTURES IN JOURNALISM

✚ This week’s report by Jeffrey C. Billman and Holly Otterbein. E-mail us at

amillionstories@citypaper.net.

By Isaiah Thompson

NEEDED: RICH DUDES ³ NEXT WEEK, PHILADELPHIA mega-lawyer Stephen Cozen will explain to the Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board why it should extend Foxwoods’ casino license when his team has been totally unable to find investors for their shaky project. Cozen needs rich dudes, and he needs them fast. So, what’s the holdup, rich dudes? Maybe they see something the Gaming Board, the legislature and Gov. Ed Rendell do not: that gambling is not an industry, but a tax — on the small portion of people with the strange habit of coughing up irresponsible amounts of money at slot machines. And maybe they’re wondering if that much-desired population can actually support yet another Philadelphia-area casino. (SugarHouse is under construction, and Parx, in Bensalem, is already open.)

The question — what’s the gain? — is so obvious that you’d think city leaders would be asking it, too. But so far, they haven’t. Mayor Nutter long ago made clear that he took issue with Foxwoods’ waterfront location, but not its doing business here; state Sen. Larry Farnese, whose district encompasses both casinos, has called for Foxwoods’ license to be revoked, but says it should be rebid in a new location.

Here’s another idea: Why not revoke it altogether?

A recent study commissioned by the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia, which offered assessments of both pro- and anti-casino studies that preceded it, concluded that it was impossible to tell whether the benefits of casinos outweigh the costs — in crime, in lost opportunity, in gambling addiction and misery — to the communities that host them. The decisive factor, it noted, was whether they drew patrons from other areas.

It’s screw or be screwed, apparently. Luckily, we don’t have to speculate about where our casino patrons will come from. During a 2008 presentation to the Gaming Board, Parx — protesting a proposed Valley Forge license — noted that “nearly all” of its “repeat players” lived within 25 miles of the casino, and that more than half of its patrons lived within 25 miles of the Foxwoods or SugarHouse sites. Foxwoods isn’t expected to generate money, it’s expected to take it: from us and our neighbors, to be divvied up between the state and some rich dudes, yet to be found.

But when even they aren’t biting, why the hell are we? ✚ Isaiah Thompson could use some rich dudes of his own. E-mail him at isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net.

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Say you work for The Philadelphia Inquirer or the Daily News. And say, because you are human, you have a Facebook account with which you share the meaningless minutia of your daily life: how cigarettes and Diet Coke make for an acceptable breakfast; how your editor is a jerk-face who doesn’t appreciate your beautiful words; how your kid threw up all over the carpet last night.

Well, your bosses at Philadelphia Newspapers LLC (PNL) would like you to know that they’re watching. Last week, mediamatters.org posted a memo that PNL sent to all of its employees regarding a new social-networking policy, which — at least the version posted online — doesn’t tell us too much of anything about what the actual policy is, but does make explicitly clear that PNL understands what a social-networking site is. And that’s important.

Says the memo: “[PNL] encourages its employees to interact knowledgeably and responsibly socially online where such use supports the goals and objectives of PNL. … These guidelines are intended to help you make appropriate decisions about workrelated blogging, personal websites, postings on video and picture-sharing sites, in the comments or responses you make online on blogs and elsewhere on the public Internet, and other social-networking activities in which you may engage.”

We ran PNL’s statement through the A Million Stories Corporate-Speak Decoder (patent pending), which conjured up this Confucian translation:“Don’t embarrass us.”

Seems simple enough — unless you’re Bill Ross, head of the Newspaper Guild Local 38010, which represents newspaper employees. In a letter posted on the Guild’s website (local-10.com), Ross, who didn’t return our phone calls, told PNL: “To the extent the policy applies to non-work-related activities of our members, it is overly broad and improperly and illegally interferes with our members’ lawful right to express their personal views. To the extent the policy seeks to subject our members to discipline/discharge for work-related activities, the employer does not have the unilateral right to impose such terms and conditions of employment without bargaining in good faith.” We’ll keep you posted.

manoverboard!

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[ now playing the role of heroic beer-saver ]

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SAGA OF THE WESTERN MAN: Democratic frontrunner Dan Onorato, pictured here outside Martin Luther King High School in North Philly, is selling Pittsburgh’s revitalization as his claim to the governor’s mansion.

MARK STEHLE

[ candidates anonymous ]

THE PITTSBURGH STORY

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Dan Onorato wants to take the Rendell route to Harrisburg. By Dan Hirschhorn ³ EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the second in an occasional series on the little-known Democratic candidates for governor.

Dan Onorato is leaning forward, arms on the table, fiddling with the paper wrapping from a straw at a Center City diner. For a guy who’s actually in quite a hurry, he hardly seems rushed.

He just came from a fundraiser, and next he’s off to talk to Temple University students. On this warm April evening, less than six weeks remain before the Democratic primary for governor — a contest that, by some accounts, Onorato has been working to win since Gov. Ed Rendell was elected to a second term back in 2006.

With little time to spare, Onorato, the Allegheny County executive who hails from Pittsburgh, is crisscrossing the state — especially the Philadelphia region, where most voters don’t know him and, importantly, where 40 percent of Democratic primary voters happen to live. “I’m at the point now where all of the fieldwork we put in, all the meet-and-greets, the exposure on TV, it’s all coming together,” Onorato says, sipping a Coke.

Anyone who’s been paying attention — although, according to polling data, not many people are — knows that Onorato is the favorite to win the May 18 primary, insofar as such a thing exists: In a March Franklin & Marshall College poll, only 11 percent of respondents backed him; the other candidates were in single digits and “undecided” claimed 71 percent. He was the favorite two years ago when he began laying the groundwork in earnest. And while candidates have come and gone from the race, Onorato has been like a rock. As much as it’s lamented, money matters, and Onorato has a ton of it — he finished March with 10 times the amount of campaign cash that rival Auditor General Jack Wagner has. He’s the only candidate with staffed-up field offices throughout the state.

And like the man he’s trying to succeed, Onorato has the kind of local, economic revitalization story that voters buy. None other than President Obama gave Onorato the platform to show it off last year, when he chose Pittsburgh to host the G-20 summit, holding it up as a model for how urban areas could adapt and thrive

in a 21st-century economy. “He’s got a good narrative to tell,” says longtime pollster and Franklin & Marshall public affairs professor Terry Madonna. “Rendell told the Philadelphia story, and the Philadelphia story was back from the brink of bankruptcy, all the historical, cultural and economic development that took place.

Onorato has a similar story that’s very appealing.”

The story is one that has been chronicled in depth elsewhere, and there’s plenty of legitimate debate about how much credit Onorato deserves. In short, a region that seemed hopelessly tied to oldschool industrial manufacturing deftly pivoted to a hub for health care, technology and pharmaceutical dollars, allowing Allegheny County to consistently outperform the state and national unemployment rates (in January, the seasonally adjusted unemployment rate in the county was 7.6 percent, 1.2 percentage points better than the state and 2.1 points better than the country, according to the state Department of Labor and Industry.

That’s the story — government streamlined and budgets passed on time — that Onorato is telling as he travels the state. And as this article went to press, the money with which Onorato tells it was already beginning to speak louder than words: The first candidate to air television ads statewide, polls showed that a wide-open, four-way race was beginning to tilt in his favor. A Susquehanna Polling & Research survey released on April 14, after Onorato’s ads had been running for a couple weeks, showed him surging to 32 percent of the vote.

“He’s put himself in the strongest position by far,” longtime Democratic political consultant David Dunphy says.

That doesn’t mean Onorato is without critics — far from it. He’s a conservative Democrat in the Bob Casey mold, whose positions often don’t sit well with Philly liberals. He is a Catholic who person-

Politics is narrative, and Onorato has the money to tell his.

ally opposes abortion, but says that he won’t allow any changes to state laws governing abortion access under his watch — a position for which he’s taken some heat from fellow candidate Montgomery County Commissioner Joe Hoeffel, the race’s self-professed true liberal. As a Western Pennsylvania native, Onorato supports those hunters with guns who have so often clashed with Philly’s desire to get Uzis off the street. But — as with abortion — he’s taken pains to make clear that he supports tougher laws on lost and stolen guns and child-safety locks. Besides, he says, “you have a better chance pushing this with a Democrat from the west.”

For a moment, the frustration of a man who has had to explain himself over and over again comes to the surface. “I have some opponents and their supporters who are distorting my positions,” he says. “These are very moderate positions.”

And there’s the other question: Just how much credit should Onorato get for that revival that’s become the centerpiece of his TV ads and the national press clips his campaign aides distribute with glee? Bill Green, a Pittsburgh political analyst who has worked for Republicans in the past, says not much at all.

“I don’t quite get that economic claim that he talks about,” Green says. “This community transitioned itself from the ’80s, and it takes 25 years to make that change. We went from steel and industrial to education and pharmaceuticals. But you don’t just snap your finger. That transition wasn’t necessarily government-driven. It was entrepreneurial-driven.”

Allegheny County Council President Richard Fitzgerald, a Democrat and a close Onorato ally, scoffs at talk like that.

Onorato deserves “the lion’s share of the credit. It’s been Dan’s vision and it’s been Dan’s working with the business community that revitalized this county,” he says, ticking off examples of companies that came to or stayed in the area under Onorato’s watch. “I’ve seen it firsthand.”

Fitzgerald cites U.S. Steel, which had planned to move out of Allegheny County before Onorato promised them their permitting process for a new plant would get a prompt yes or no, rather than staying in the traditional government limbo. Now, they’re building an expansion in Clairton, outside of Pittsburgh. Similarly, Allegheny Technologies Incorporated is building another plant in Brackenridge.

“We’ve got almost $3 billion of new construction,” Fitzgerald says. “That’s bigger than our stadiums, our convention center >>> continued on adjacent page

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<<< continued from previous page

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candidate. The money machine that catapulted Rendell to office is largely behind Onorato. As Franklin & Marshall’s Madonna puts it, “Clearly the governor opened up doors for Dan, and he skirted through.”

Whether Onorato will represent a third term for Rendell, as Republicans will surely argue, is a completely different story — politically and stylistically, the two could hardly be more different.

But that doesn’t stop his opponents from painting him as Rendell-lite, as Republicans surely plan to do. “We have our own governing styles. I do things my way, he does things his way,” Onorato says.

While Onorato shares Rendell’s wonkish ability to talk policy, he doesn’t share the governor’s love for unfiltered political chatter.

“This is nothing but a sideshow,” he says. (editorial@citypaper.net)

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and everything downtown, combined. It’s not downtown so people don’t see it every day, but these are the kind of economic growth initiatives that Dan Onorato deserves credit for.”

Onorato, for his part, says he’s willing to share the credit — even if he doesn’t in his commercials.

“I was the county executive during the turnaround,” he says. “I was part of that turnaround.

I don’t think any one person can claim credit for it; it was all of us working together. But I can tell you that if the region had gone the other direction, I certainly would have been blamed for it.”

Indeed, politicians almost always get too much credit when a complex, intertwined economy goes up, and too much blame when it goes south — failure is an orphan, success has many fathers.

The point is that politics is about narrative, and Onorato has the story and the money to tell it.

Should Onorato prevail next month, however, there is another elephant in the room that Republicans will try and tie him to — and it’s not the drink tax Onorato passed that led to something of a working-class revolt. Rather, it’s the man still in office, Gov. Ed Rendell.

Everywhere except the Philly region, Rendell is politically toxic, his approval ratings in the toilet with voters tired of 100-day budget standoffs in Harrisburg. And yet, as much as Rendell says he’s neutral and Onorato shies away from it, there’s simply no denying that Onorato is Rendell’s favored

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loosecanon

By Bruce Schimmel

BEEHIVES AND HIVE-MINDS ³ ABOUT 6,000 BEES arrived at my home last weekend, and they were not pleased. Two starter colonies — 3,000 to a box, each with a queen — had been trucked up from Georgia, and my new bees were as pissed as any mess of critters could be.

As beekeeper, my job is to move these two mini-colonies and their queens from their traveling cages into a pair of cheery yellow beehives, their new homes. Along the way, I noticed how colonies of angry insects have striking similarities to human mobs. Bees who are buzzed on hormones are kind of like Tea Partiers drunk on rage. Both would also fly apart were it not for a Big Momma in their midst. Bees have queens; Tea Partiers have Sarah Palin.

Both species of mobs have a leader who visibly manipulates them, even though the real power lies with mysterious figures behind a cloud of smoke. When my bees are hungry, I give them honey water. When Tea Partiers need a little sugar, corporate heavies like Exxon and Philip Morris reportedly succor them.

Neither mob seems to care, so long as they’re fed.

But there are some even more subtle parallels between bee colonies and human hive-minds. Each new box of bees comes with its own queen, ensconced in her own little compartment about the size of a fat finger. The queen is protected in this cage with inside a cage. She has to be isolated right now, because her subjects would kill her.

Like many mobs, control is all about pheromones. When my new bees were hatched, they were part of another massive colony, under another monarch. So, they hate their new queen, because she doesn’t smell like their old matriarch.

My bees gnaw frantically at a plug of sugar in a little cage that separates them from the queen. By the time they’ve consumed the candy, with any luck, they’ll have fallen under her spell. And then, the hive will take on that admirable order of a little totalitarian state, replete with the xenophobic rage you see in other closed clusters.

Away from a hive, a honeybee is very sweet. You can pick her up and move her at will. But near a hive, as part of a mob, bees get mean. And what they hate even more than a bear (or boorish humans not hidden by smoke) are other bees. Like rival neighborhood gangs, hives harbor a permanent rage against colonies next door. And hives without strong queens will be ravaged by their neighbors, who’ll steal their honey and starve their young.

So, I like to imagine Sarah Palin as a kind of hormonal monarch for the misbegotten. But the future bodes ill for her and all mob queens. Queens are permitted to live only if they smell good and increase their flock. When an old queen dries up, her subjects turn on her. They shove her out of the hive with a handful of retainers, probably to her death. To complete her humiliation, as the old girl fades, she’s tricked into laying successors in a royal race to rule — which is won when a newborn queen stings all her larval rivals to death.

Those who live by the mob perish by it, too. Which is fine for these insects that make our lives sweeter; in humans, all it makes is more bitterness. (bruce@schimmel.com)

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I imagine Sarah Palin as a hormonal monarch for the misbegotten.

feedback From our readers

READER-GENERATED ACRONYMS To Robert (“Hero. Douche,” Feedback, April 8, 2010): I can see you have a good heart and passion for making a difference. Haiti needs groups like Haitian Street Kids Inc. Given the condition of their barely existent infrastructure, perhaps Haiti can be better served by providing survival tools, medical attention, land preservation, governmental partnerships, materials to rebuild, manpower, volunteerism — a 26-inch HDTV, not so much.

Finally, to the Juvenile Delinquents of the South Street Debacle, from now on you shall be referred to as JDSSD. Because you lack purpose/direction, you have dishonored and tainted the brilliant potential of flash mobs as a constructive movement.

Anonymous

Otterbein, April 15]. What the heck was I thinking? Mrs. Reimer is plagued with the same problem all Tea Party members seem to have — selective, misinformed outrage. She “woke up” in 2003, not sure of the invasion of Iraq was wrong, but despite all the other things Bush did, it took six years for her to see the light — “coinciding” with Obama’s presidency. Great timing! All the organizing, the rallies, the meetings — if they spent half the energy finding out exactly what President Obama’s doing that they spend blindly opposing what they think he’s doing, I suspect many of them would find that they are fighting tooth and nail against things that will benefit them. I won’t even get into the Jekyll/Hyde thing Mrs. Reimer goes through when illegal immigration is discussed. … Next out of her mouth will be, “Some of my best friends are black.” The only one who had the right idea is Robert Mansfield … if you really, really want to change things, run for public office. They need more like him — in more ways than one.

Mark F. Walker G R AY S F E R R Y

V I A C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

SELECTIVE, MISINFORMED RAGE When I saw the cover of last week’s City Paper, I was expecting — finally — a Tea Party member who was going to spout facts and figures detailing exactly why they were so against President Obama’s policies, and exactly how he was trying to take over the government [“You Say You Want a Revolution?” Cover Story, Holly

✚ Send all letters to Feedback, City Paper, 123 Chestnut St., 3rd Floor,

Phila. PA 19106; fax us at 215-599-0634; or e-mail editorial@citypaper.net.

Submissions may be edited for clarity and space and must include an address and daytime phone number.

Enter for a chance to win two passes to see EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP

in theaters.

To enter for a chance to win text BANKSY with your ZIP CODE TO 43549 (Example: BANKSY 19103)

No purchase necessary. Deadline for entries is Sunday, April 25, 2010 at NOON ET. Tickets are valid Monday-Thursday beginning Monday, April 26, 2010 through the run of engagement at Ritz Five only. Texting services provided by 43KIX/43549 and are free.

Standard text message rates from your wireless provider may apply. Check your plan.

One entry per cell phone number. Late and/or duplicate entries will not be considered.

Winners will be notified electronically. This film is rated R for language. No one under 17 will be admitted without parent or legal guardian. Philadelphia City Paper and their affiliates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred, or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible for lost, delayed, or misdirected entries, phone failures, or tampering. Void where prohibited by law.

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The primary goal of DROP programs adopted across the country in the last few decades was to retain veteran police and firefighters who were taking early retirements, collecting their pensions and then moving on to new jobs in the private sector.

The thinking was, why not create a legal doubledip that would keep police and firefighters at their government jobs? But here in Philadelphia, the pension board decided to open its DROP program to all city employees regardless of whether they wore a uniform, including even elected officials.

The results have been disastrous.

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■ COMPOUNDING ERRORS

In 1999, the pension board sent out a letter informing city employees that they were now eligible to enroll in DROP. “PLEASE BE PATIENT,” the letter said. “WE EXPECT SEVERAL HUNDRED APPLICATIONS.” The first week, more than 1,000 employees signed up. It’s been a stampede ever since, unforeseen by both city officials and the consultants from Mercer Inc. who advised them.

“Sounds like our expectations were exceeded,” says Kenneth A. Kent, the city’s lead actuarial consultant, who has advised pension officials from 1995 until 2010, with the exception of 2005 and 2006.

Kent says the economy may have had “an impact on people’s behavior.”

DROP has been a failure with regard to its two originally stated goals: It isn’t cost-neutral, and it hasn’t induced workers to stay on the job longer.

Instead, it’s had the opposite effect.

In 1999, the year the city adopted DROP, nonuniformed city employees retired at an average age of 60.1. By 2005, the most recent figures available, non-uniformed employees left their jobs at 57.

(Non-uniformed employees make up 67 percent of DROP enrollees.)

“I think it makes sense before you offer a new pension benefit you would understand what the cost would be,” says Dubow, appointed by Nutter in 2008.

“I don’t know how they looked at it back then.” He says that Nutter has hired Boston College to study “what impact [DROP] has had on [employee] behavior and costs.”

The city made a few other miscalculations when it set up DROP. Back in 1999, the city’s actuaries projected the pension fund would earn a 9 percent return on its investments every year. That turned out to be overly optimistic. Over the next dozen years, investment returns have averaged less than 4 percent a year.

Kent says that Philadelphia is hardly alone. “If

feature

41 percent. If you include the annual payments the city makes on a $1.25 billion bond it took out in 1999 — six months before enacting DROP — to bolster the pension system, the true cost rises to 48 percent of the city’s payroll, Boyle says.

He faults the Board of Pensions and Retirement, which oversees the pension fund: “The pension board has completely mismanaged this plan by not addressing the rising costs.”

In the private sector, pension funds cost between 3 percent and 10 percent of companies’ payroll costs.

“Having a cost of 48 percent of payroll for pensions would be considered ludicrous,” Boyle says. And, he says, DROP has to be a big factor in those rising costs.

City Finance Director Rob Dubow, also the chairman of the pension board, agrees that the rising cost of pensions is the biggest financial problem facing the city. “It’s gone up dramatically and it puts pressure on our entire budget,” he says in an interview.

However, he says, the city pension board doesn’t determine employee benefits; they’re set by labor contracts and city ordinance. He also disagrees about the role played by DROP — if DROP is a problem, he says, it’s just a small part of the city’s overall pension woes.

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re:view Robin Rice on visual art

She anD her

Women’s Work | Through May 1, Sande Webster

Gallery, 2006 Walnut St., 215-636-9003, sandewebstergallery.com

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➤ The TiTle of the show at Sande Webster is

what initially caught my interest.What does “Women’s Work” as an exhibition topic mean, exactly?

It turns out the show is not concept-driven. It was organized by Philadelphia artist John McDaniel, who works curatorially for Webster, and by gallery director Gregg Krantz with some input from associate director Philippe Jean, who joked that he’d contributed about 2 percent to the planning of the show. The installation in Webster’s main gallery presents a lot of high-quality art by 11 mostly midcareer or senior women, but there’s no perceptible message. The title is a straightforward description of what’s in the show.

There may not be a group theme, but each artist has an impressive individual presence. Work by women and men is the subject of Marta Sanchez’s prints (pictured). Shown with the originals on a facing wall, they recall the great generation of Mexican muralists like José Clemente Orozco and Diego Rivera. Sanchez’s Workers on the Track is an almost nostalgic invocation of a past century’s once powerful but now defanged revolutionary politics. In the borders of the print, Sanchez writes of the railroad workers, “They are and always will be the salt of the earth.”

As she studied Alice Oh’s three small abstract Phases of Conception, one gallery visitor remarked, “This is what a vagina should look like.” The pale, soft geometry of the mandala-like compositions (pictured p.28) suggest vaginas in the most oblique way possible. They could be telling us that hardedged theoretical science ends where fragile biological processes begin. Barbara Bullock’s sophisticated assemblages, tiny in comparison with her public art, smoothly present stark silhouettes that enclose dark interior collage elements. Hinting at >>> continued on page 28

FANCY THAT: The newly minted Quasi trio — (L-R) Weiss, Coomes and Bolmes.

[ indie rock ]

Smile, You’re DoomeD Did Quasi just put out the feel-good record of the year? (No.) By Patrick Rapa

I

t’s not that American Gong (Kill rock Stars) is a happy record. like every album in portland band Quasi’s 17-year history, it’s full of privilege-baiting rock songs, odes to the disappointed and anthems of worker-bee drudgery. But there are a couple moments of pure, wild resilience. like “Everything & Nothing at all,” which repeats “Don’t let them get you down” and culminates with “i just know i love you so.”

Sitting in a shady parking lot after a sunny SXSW show last month, frontman Sam Coomes isn’t sure what to make of this idea that he’s trending “happier.” Quasi albums, musically and lyrically, never spring from concepts or prevailing moods.

“We don’t have a plan. We don’t have a concept. We don’t sit down and say we wanna do this, we wanna make this kind of record and write these kinds of songs. We just live our lives, write about it, work out the songs, and go out and play them.

“There’s more happiness in my life so it seems natural there should be more happiness in my music,” he concedes politely. “Just being older has a lot to do with it. The other thing is i’ve got a family now. i’ve got a 7-year-old daughter, and that just takes you out of your own mind. i think a lot of the unhappiness you have when you’re younger is because you’re just locked in your own mind. Once you have a kid, you can’t be that way. … all your little hang-ups, and your little neu-

rotic things, seem very self-centered relative to the wider world.”

Coomes and drummer Janet Weiss (you might also know her from The Jicks and Sleater-Kinney) have recently expanded their little duo to include a bassist, Joanna Bolme (also a Jick). This gets Coomes out from behind the keyboards more often.

“The piano has been reduced to a minority of the songs in the set, and that’s mostly because the guitar’s more fun,” he says. “Now with the bass holding down the low end, i can just go off and do my thing.”

Which on this day entailed him standing on his amps and monitors and just wailing on the guitar. With the sun shining and a gentle breeze blowing, he pretty much smiled the entire show. (There wasn’t a keyboard in sight, but you can chalk that up to SXSW’s hectic pace.)

The 12-year-old “You Fucked Yourself” sounded fresh and sprightly on guitar. “The chords worked out easy, i didn’t have to do any finger stretching,” says Coomes. The old favorite fit nicely in a set that included a Who cover and a bunch of new ones — especially “little White Horse” and “Bye Bye Blackbird” — that stick to the classic Quasi formula: high energy, inventive arrangements and witty lyrics of doom and despair.

“We are doomed. We’re all gonna die,” shrugs Coomes. “and, i don’t know what kind of doom that is — i don’t think that’s exactly doom, but there’s no way out. So. That’s the reality.” (pat@citypaper.net)

“We don’t have a plan. We don’t have a concept.”

Quasi plays Fri., April 23, 9 p.m., $12, with Let’s Wrestle, Johnny Brenda’s,

1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877-435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.

the naked city | feature

[ off the wall with joyous exuberance ] ➤ album

Forget that it’s on Starz and watch Party Down. it’s an original show from paul rudd and Veronica Mars creator rob Thomas (among others) about the staff at an l.a. catering business who think they’re about to make it but probably never will. The cast is led by a nuanced adam Scott (Step Brothers) as a former commercial star who can’t escape the catchphrase he made famous. Jane lynch may have left for Glee in the middle of last season, but she’s been replaced with the almost-as-good Megan Mullally, as a stage mom with a daughter named Escapade. Catch up; the second season starts Friday.

Scraggle-voiced fingerpicker Kristian Matsson’s splendid sophomore outing The Wild Hunt (Dead Oceans), under his playfully outsized moniker the tallest Man on earth, won’t do much to dispel the early-Dylan comparisons that dogged his debut (not that he’s trying; hell, he even shouts out “Boots of Spanish leather” on the galumphing frolic “King of Spain”). But a closer listen to its 10 exquisitely crafted tough ’n’ tender tunes finds the wild-eyed, nature-loving Swede carving out plenty of space for himself as a striking, vital new voice in the well-worn roots-folk tradition. (Sadly, Thursday’s TMoE show —K. ross hoffman at World Café live is sold out.)

➤ hip-hop Even though he had his own successful solo moments (who could forget that damn whistle song?), i still think of Harlem rapper Juelz Santana as Cam’ron’s sidekick. after all, it was on his fellow Diplomat’s 2002 hit “Oh Boy” that his voice became known.

Keeping himself busy, Santana recently released a single featuring Chris Brown, guest raps on a new track by lloyd Banks, and should release his third solo album later in the year.

—deesha dyer

flickpick

Rodney Anonymous vs. the world

—Molly eichel

“I’ma get medieval on your ass.”

—Marsellus Wallace ➤ Don’t you just hate it when you break out

➤ theater “This is not a play for the 12-year-old Justin Timberlake fans out there,” warns Flashpoint Theatre Co. producing artistic director Michael Osinski about Sheila Callaghan’s Crumble (Lay Me Down Justin Timberlake), through May 8 at the adrienne (flashpointtheatre.org). He won’t reveal why or how much JT appears in the dark comedy, but hints that the pop-star character “knows a lot more about improvised explosive devices than you’d think.” Note to mature audiences, Star Wars fans and Calista Flockhart: Harrison Ford makes a cameo, too.

—Mark Cofta

[ movie review ]

The Girl on The Train [ B ] Drawn from a sensational real-life incident, andré Téchiné’s The Girl on

your favorite poison pen and prepare to go all Kitty Kelley on some poor schlep’s artistic efforts only to discover that you actually enjoy the thing?

Producer Robert Sadin’s Art of Love: Music of Machaut has all the ingredients of a musical disaster on par with Justin Bieber Sings the Songs of Besse Smith: Medieval melodies, jazz and a guest appearance by aural kiss-of-death Natalie Merchant. The only thing the CD cover is missing is a large red warning, reading “Caution: May Cause Rectal Bleeding.”

The good news is that Art of Love turns out to be a collection of truly inspired reworkings (perhaps “rebuildings” would be a better word, as the tunes are completely restructured from the ground up with sparse piano and Afro-Brazilian percussion) of the songs of Guillaume de Machaut.

“What?” you say,“Not THE Guillaume de Machaut; the brilliant 14th-century French poet and composer? The same Guillaume de Machaut who wrote the ‘Messe de Nostre Dame’? The Guillaume de Machaut who played the role of Benson‚ on the TV comedy Soap, and later starred in the series named after the character?” Yes! Yes! And, no, dick-freckle; that was Robert Guillaume.

Verdict: For the completely mad concept behind Art of Love: Music of Machaut, a contemporary reimagining of the works of a 14th-century genius, Robert Sadin deserves our respect. Anyone can cover a song, but it takes a true visionary to bring a song back to life. (r_anonymous@citypaper.net)

robert Sadin

Art of Love: Music of Machaut

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(Deutsche Grammophon)

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the Train falls deliberately, if not always gracefully, between two stools. The movie begins in solid Téchiné territory, with the blossoming of a mildly inexplicable and evidently doomed romance between Jeanne (Émilie Dequenne), whose lack of direction is embodied in her constant rollerblading, and Franck (Nicholas Duvauchelle), a headstrong thug whose aggression she takes for charm. Over the disapproval of her mother (Catherine Deneuve), who runs a day care out of their modest house, the two shack up following a steamy webcam flirtation, then crash and burn as only young lovers can. What happens next comes as an abrupt shock, although it likely wasn’t so for French viewers, who would be intimately familiar with the movie’s antecedent, the 2004 episode in which a 23-yearold woman falsely claimed to have been the victim of an anti-Semitic attack by a gang of non-white youths. Neither Jeanne nor the real-life fabricator are Jewish, but that didn’t stop public officials from the president on down rushing to their side. The potential for satire, a kind of hate-crime Ace in the Hole, is ripe, which may be why the elliptical Téchiné skips it altogether, focusing exclusively on the personal ramifications, both for Jeanne and for the Jewish son (Jérémy Quaegebeur) of Deneuve’s old flame, whose bar mitzvah is fast approaching. Téchiné’s choice of zag over zig certainly succeeds in upending the audience’s expectations, although it’s not clear to what end. Jeanne’s rationale — “i wanted to be loved” — hardly seems sufficient, although that may be the point. Dequenne, best known for the Dardennes’ Rosetta, is sublimely opaque, her emotions foreign to her and us but lingering just beyond the threshold of vision.

Notwithstanding his 67 years, Téchiné has an unerring instinct for the inarticulate passions of youth, and the unforeseen directions to which they lead. —Sam Adams

“I wanted to be loved.”

STATION-TO-STATION: Émilie Dequenne plays a spurned woman who claims to be the victim of a hate crime in André Téchiné’s latest.

Medieval France!

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[ kaleidoscope ]

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[ jigsaw jazz ]

[ arts & entertainment ]

THE PIECES Keith DeStefano’s crazy Puzzlebox comes together. By A.D. Amorosi hen the conversation turns to Puzzlebox’s epic “6:25 PM” on the new A Place to Be CD, pianist Anam Owili-Eger says something puzzling: “It’s a Keith DeStefano primer in that it contains bits of the different types of tensions and consonances in his crazy head,” he says. “It has strange melodies and others conventionally melodic, traditional rhythms as well as polyrhythms, and nodes of tension as well as other sorts of release.”

Is this merely complicated jazz theory-speak, or is he saying his bandleader has is a little bit mad? Certainly, Philly bassist/composer DeStefano has walked a unique path. He’s performed with area greats like Odean Pope and Tyrone Brown. He hosted Matt Davis and Dan Paterson in the original version of The Puzzlebox Experiment (2005’s Just When I Thought) and acted as one-third of the electronic groove outfit Yellowbrain. Darkness? Complexity?

He’s been there.

“I always loved the way Mingus juxtaposed dramatically contrasting moods, and played around with extended forms,” says DeStefano.

During A Place to Be’s centerpiece, “Half Remembered Theme from a Film Noir,” where he’s using elements of third-stream jazz, it’s hard not to recall Gil Evans and Philly sax god Bobby Zankel, as well.

“The harmonic structures in this CD are definitely denser than the first,” he says. “There are a lot more darker moments.”

It took awhile for DeStefano — awarded an American Composers Forum Subito grant for Just When I Thought — to follow up

Puzzlebox’s debut. “I wrote a whole lot of music and knew I wanted a bigger band, so I’ve expanded to an octet,” says DeStefano, who got opened up to the textural possibilities of more instruments during his time with Pope. There he learned to combine arranged music with free jazz — see “Hair of the Dog” and “Onomatopoeia” on the new CD. “You have to be extremely stubborn to maintain your vision over that long a period; you really need to have to have an irrational belief in yourself and what you’re doing. Sometimes it’s more psychotic than quixotic.”

An integral part of DeStefano’s psychosis and how it manifested itself on A Place to Be is his friendship with the Herbie Hancocklike Owili-Eger. If the first CD was casual, spontaneous and based upon compositions he had sitting around, DeStefano’s new one is more challengingly self-referential, and therefore more difficult to find collaborators for. “Anam’s a good friend, and my job is to make him as musically uncomfortable as possible, because that’s when he plays best,” teases DeStefano. “There’s a 4-over-7 section in

‘6:25 PM’ that’d scare the shit out of a lot of musicians, but he kills it. Amazing. I take it for granted that he’s going to kill everything he plays.”

“I didn’t really like him when I first met him,” jokes Owili-Eger. “As I got to know him as a musician, I realized how similar we were as people. If nothing else, we both like Jameson whiskey and hoppy beer.”

Both men speak of Puzzlebox as an evolutionary process. It used to be like other jazz bands, in that everyone plays the head, a few people solo over the form, then the band plays the head out and the tune is done. In its latest form, the one we hear on A Place to Be, the music is more cinematic and orchestral.

“Even though the songs are tightly arranged, there’re many sections where we have a lot of freedom to create and really push the songs into new theatrical places,” says Owili-Eger. “He must have real trust in us to let us do that to his songs.”

Either that or Keith DeStefano is mad. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net) ✚ Puzzlebox plays Fri., April 23, 11:30 p.m., $10,

Chris’ Jazz Café, 1421 Sansom St., 215-568-3131, chrisjazzcafe.com.

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IMAGES FROM SHOW Dunbrack: Architectural Grandfather Clock McCarthy: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Italian Landscapeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; oil painting Yen: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Flourishing Ringâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

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curtaincall CP theater reviews

➤ Let’s PLay two Philadelphia Shakespeare theatre’s spring repertory is an

inspired pairing of familiar classics: Macbeth and A Midsummer Night’s Dream, both staged by artistic director Carmen Khan.

Both play to the scripts’ strengths, flowing briskly on adam riggar’s elegant thrust stage, but considerably streamlined in Khan’s careful pruning. a young acting company does double duty, led by Christie parker and ron Heneghan as the royal couples.

Midsummer is, as expected, the crowd-pleaser, with witty performances by John Zak as Bottom and John Greenbaum, Michael Cosenza, Ethan lipkin, Johnny Smith and Jarrod Yuskauskas as his lovable bumpkin pals producing a play for Duke Theseus and Hippolyta’s nuptials. The four lovers — Chris Braak, Kathryn raines, John Jarboe and Kate russell — frolic earnestly, confounded by Mary Tuomanen’s lecherous clown-fairy, puck.

Macbeth shows Khan’s willingness to experiment, focusing on Macbeth and his wife in a 90-minute paring driven by Melissa Dunphy’s beautifully haunting music. in both plays, parker convincingly commands the stage. Her lady Macbeth pushes her ambitious husband into madness, and her fairy queen Titania proves graceful and sensuous — but her best moments come silently as Hippolyta, who in Midsummer listens in dismay to her fiancé, Theseus, condemn young Hermia to death or a nunnery because she won’t marry her father’s choice.

Both productions are beautifully designed, anchored by riggar’s wooden floor (though too light for Macbeth’s gloom), skillfully lit by Jerold r. Forsyth. Vickie Esposito creates sleek military costumes

for Macbeth and a Midsummer color palette that begins in silvers and grays, then explodes with color as magical forces grow daring.

Conceived as an inviting introduction to Shakespeare for the wary, pST’s repertory offers fresh but clear interpretations in lengths calculated for modern tastes. purists will miss favorite lines and scenes, especially in Macbeth, but novices will leave invigorated.

Through May 9, $35, Philadelphia Shakespeare Theatre, 2111 Sansom St., 215-496-9722, phillyshakespeare.org. —Mark Cofta

➤ Bum’s Rush in When We Go Upon the Sea, playwright lee Blessing imagines George W. Bush sequestered in a hotel room in the Hague, about to be tried for war crimes. i dare say that’s recommendation enough for many people, who will look forward to seeing the stage bestow on GWB a punishment he seems likely to avoid in earthly reality. lest you fear that Blessing might offer a revisionist take, let me reassure you that this is absolutely the mythic Bush-We-love-to-Hate: 50 percent entitled, glad-handing, frat-boy emeritus; 50 percent xenophobic zealot; 100 percent dimwit. (it’s clearly the Bush the opening-night audience wanted — they chuckled knowingly at his every inanity and malapropism.)

Don’t get me wrong — i also hate the guy, who seems to me a living incarnation of the banality of evil. The trouble is that banality just isn’t very entertaining. Frost/Nixon works because Tricky Dick — swarthy, Mephistophelean, maddeningly smart and unpredictable — is a worthy villain. But a play about Bush version 2.0? it’s like being locked in a room with some bore from the rotary Club.

You can tell that Blessing sees the problem, too. So in addition to Bush, he’s populated his play with a mysterious couple. piet is a creep-

Don’t get me wrong — I hate the guy.

[ arts & entertainment ]

ily competent Dutch butler; anna-lisa is a temptress. They’re here to cater to GWB’s every whim, and maybe also give Blessing an opportunity to write dialogue for people of normal intelligence. piet offers up some metaphoric badinage about oceans and ships and great Dutch painting. But mostly the pair seem to have wandered in from another show entirely (Damn Yankees, maybe). i do give credit to Blessing for attempting to make something more than sketch comedy out of all this. When We Go is elegantly directed by paul Meshejian in this interact theatre production, and well-acted by Kim Carson (anna-lisa), peter Schmitz (piet) and especially Conan McCarty (Bush), who does an excellent Dubya impression but also gives a real performance.

Still, it’s not enough. Or maybe it’s too much. after eight horrific years with the bum, do we really want to spend another 85 intermission-less minutes in his unenlightening company? Through May 9, $25-$29, InterAct Theatre at the Adrienne, 2030 Sansom St., 215-568-8077, interacttheatre.org.

—david anthony Fox InterAct’s When We Go Upon the Sea moves off-Broad-

way to New York City’s 59E59 Theaters, June 10-July 3.

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African influences typical of Bullock’s work, these pieces are mysterious and companionable without becoming clichés. The unframed collage of painted paper and fibers, Come on in My Kitchen Cause It’s Raining Outside, almost leaps off the wall with joyous exuberance.

Sewing and needlework, long regarded as expressive disciplines suitable for ladies, were appropriated in the 20th century by Miriam Schapiro, Judy Chicago and other groundbreaking women artists (along with some male artists, like Robert Kushner, who mined the same territory). Fabric, is, in fact, the most common motif in “Women’s Work.” Doris Nogueria-Rogers’ elegant collages suggest food with sharp symmetrical but organic shapes and patterned cloth-like surfaces. Nannette Acker Clark has based a lot of her work on fabric, especially printed African fabric. Her paintings from the “Cut to the Chase” series are dynamic abstractions in strong color, gray with red or green with ochre. Sharply delineated curves and angles resemble clothing pattern or quilt pieces. Painted lines of oversize “stitching” reinforce that reference.

Martina Johnson-Allen’s nine small “Sacred Space” shadow boxes from about five years ago present yet another way of representing cloth. Ornamented with collage elements including buttons, the constructed framing elements dominate pointed cut-paper shapes jutting up inside them. Almost every surface is hot sunflower yellow, heavily embellished with multicolored lines and dots resembling both embroidery and lace.

The two sculptors in the show could hardly be more different. Sica’s small freestanding pieces are composed of flat planes of metal, some polished, some patinated, all reflective of African sculpture. Kathleen Spicer’s wall-mounted work is carved, polychrome wood, lush with undulating images of flowers, fruits and plants.

A lingering question relating to the “Women’s Work” title is: Would or should a parallel show of men’s art be called “Men’s Work”? When I put it to Philadelphia curator and writer A.M. Weaver, she replied that such a gesture would be pointless because shows exclusively devoted to men are the norm.“Given the current art-market climate, women still need greater representation,” she said.“Men are again starting to dominate the fine-arts arena.” (r_rice@citypaper.net)

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onpointe

[ arts & entertainment ]

CP dance review

➤ Out Of Step

Before the start of BalletX’s opening-night performance, co-director Christine Cox announced that two of their dancers got injured during rehearsals. Not exactly good news, except that the unfortunate circumstance left an opening for Matthew prescott to join in. prescott was a guest artist with the company last summer, and let me tell you, he’s marvelous.

Yet the program proved uneven: The technical expertise was formidable as usual, but certain pieces just didn’t hit enough high notes.

Hide, choreographed by Uarts grad lauren putty, is meant to be about “the disconnection of human interaction in the universe.” it’s a lofty and all-too-common theme of young dancemakers looking to make profound statements with their art. putty crafted lots of patterns to keep things busy, but the scenarios demonstrating how we hide emotions and create façades in our interpersonal relationships felt clichéd.

Myra Bazell and Monica Favand’s Carry Me is a touching duet portraying parent/child love and role reversal due to illness. i’ve seen it before and found it elegantly evocative. Cox performed it here with Jennifer Goodman, who replaced an injured dancer.

The duo was dramatic to the point of schmaltz, which diminished the emotional impact.

Cox’s ambitious X or Y, performed to classical, latin and afro-Cuban sounds, offered playful visualizations of the music through body movement. arms and legs opened and shut, bodies stretched and intermingled while formations appeared and dissipated in step with the aural accompaniment. The result was delightful work with colorful flair.

Thang Dao’s graceful, angular One Word Play was another program highlight. Dao intends for it to convey how “we use and manipulate words to construct our identity and power,” and while that message was indeed communicated, the piece was abstract enough that you could derive many other meanings, including the notion of trying to grab onto things you can’t quite catch. Wed., April 14, Wilma Theater.

—deni Kasrel

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➤ jazz ➤ rock/pop

the Spinning LeaveS

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Barb Gettes and Michael Ba­ ker tend to look on the bright side of life. Their first record as The Spinning Leaves is called Love. Their songs are pastoral and upbeat, like a cheerier Gillian Welch. And have you watched Neal San­ tos’ video profile of the duo on CP’s web site? It’s so aw. When Gettes and Baker play this month’s Philly Folk Parade at Yards Brewery, we’re betting their drink of choice is Love Stout.

—John Vettese Sun., April 25, 7 p.m., $10, with Hezekiah Jones and Chris Kas­ per, Yards Brewing Co., 901 N. Delaware Ave., pfs.org.

➤ rock/pop/new music

oWen paLLett

Wayne Shorter

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With most composers, inspiration drawn from asian art would be fairly easy to predict — a fusion of East and West, perhaps some “exotic” instrumentation. But Wayne Shorter’s mind doesn’t work in quite such a linear fashion. a simple conversation with the legendary saxophonist/composer can be as dense and unpredictable as his improvisations, lurching unexpectedly through science fiction novels, comic books, or classic film as his neurons leap from one tenuous connection to another. The same could apply as Shorter takes on the pMa’s East asian art collection, from which he’ll draw inspiration for a newly-commissioned composition for his renowned quartet, featuring pianist Danilo perez, bassist John patitucci and drummer Brian Blade. The museum has enlisted several notable composers of late to interact with the art in its galleries, thereby drawing together its exhibitions and performance series — most notably, pianist Jason Moran’s multimedia exploration of the Gee’s Bend quilts. But with Shorter, arguably the most influential living jazz composer, it finds an artist whose stature aligns with some of those enshrined on its walls.

—Shaun Brady Fri., April 23, 5:45 and 7:15 p.m., $16, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Ben Franklin Parkway, 215-763-8100, philamuseum.org.

For Heartland (Domino), his enchantingly intricate latest opus, Toronto singer/songwriter/arranger­to­ the­indie­stars Owen Pallett went big, employing the Czech Symphony strings and a battery of woodwinds, percussion and electronics to enact a cerebral cham­ ber­pop song­cycle which, despite its lushness, shies away from the easy sentimentality of the Romantics in favor of a stately, scintillating Glassine minimalism.

On stage it’s a chamber orchestra of one — just Owen with his trusty violin, his sweet, supple choirboy tenor, and a masterfully deployed loop pedal — but the effect is no less evocative and spellbinding.

—K. Ross Hoffman Sun., April 25, 8 p.m., $14, with Snowblink, First Unitarian Sanc­ tuary, 2125 Chestnut St., 877­435­9849, r5productions.com.

one track Mind ➤ Hot CHip “Brothers”

Brisbane’s an Horse bash out classic-stripe indie as vibrant and crunchy as any boy/girl power duo you’d care to mention. Sure, they’ve got that scrappy, ineffable charm seemingly intrinsic to any such setup (q.v. Wye Oak, Quasi, Mates of State), plus all the tunefulness you’d expect from their high-profile boosters (Tegan and Sara, Death Cab) but they also tang it up with a dose of raw grit — the Hole shoutout tucked away in their addictively bouncy sex-is-confusion anthem “Camp Out” (which gets a classic, cathartic indie-disco makeover on their new Beds Rearranged Ep) is no fluke.

Hot Chip’s glorious new One Life Stand (Astra­ lwerks) is full of unas­ sumingly earnest, star­ ry­eyed songs about the profundity of love and human connection; songs about commit­ ment and contentment and taking care of stray cats. It’s a total sudser, in the best possible way.

But the part that really makes me well up, every time, is when Joe Goddard sings about playing video games with his friends. Despite its thump­ ing synth­house underpinnings,“Brothers” has the austerity and hushed intimacy of a hymn.

Melody­wise the song could hardly be more trivial, but that just makes its statement of wild, death­defying brotherly love ring all the more sweetly, heartbreakingly true.

—K. ross hoffman

—K. Ross Hoffman

an horSe

➤ rock/pop

Wed., April 28, 8 p.m., $18-$21, with Kaki King and Steph Hayes and the Good Problems, TLA, 334 South St., 215-922-1011, livenation.com.

Hot Chip plays the TLA on Sunday.

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R! E N N I W A s i s r e s o L R E e P h U “T S a , T HO ’ N I K O .”

M S N U F It’s d n a ION T C A f o T S BLA o t E I V O M T EC F R E P .” e R h E T “ M M U S E H T T R A T S KICKFOX-TV Edwards, – Shawn

.com ISTdirect rino, ART – Rick Flo

The Square

✚ NEW THE BACK-UP PLAN|C-

THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN|B See Sam Adams’ review on p. 25. (Ritz at the Bourse) THE LITTLE TRAITOR|BIn 1947 Jerusalem, 12-year-old Proffy (Ido Port) has a hard time keeping to the new Palestinian curfew. Unbeknownst to him, his father (Rami Hoebreger) spends his nighttimes resisting the British occupation forces; the boy only feels inordinately disciplined when he stays out too late playing anti-British war games with his friends. When he bristles at his father’s punishment, his kind-eyed mother (Gilya Stern) explains, “You have to abide by certain rules. You cannot run around like a chicken without a head.” And yet the film tends to look something like that, as Proffy’s adventures turn episodic rather than explicitly or even gently instructive. His education commences when he meets an avuncular British sergeant (Alfred Molina) and

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EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP|AThe title “A Film By Banksy” would be tip-off enough that the veracity of all that follows it is suspect at the very least, but the provenance and reliability of Exit Through the Gift Shop grows increasingly complicated and ever more questionable as its story unfolds. Banksy, the anonymous, subversive U.K. graffiti trickster, appears on camera at the outset, his face shrouded in darkness

ANA CHRIS EVANS TURES PRESENTS MORGAN ZOË SALD WARNER BROS. PICCTION “THE LOSERS” JEFFREY DEANCO-ER RICHARD MIRISCH AD PICTURES PRODUN PATRIC MUBYSICJOHN OTTMAN PRODUC GOLDSMAN KERRY FOSTER AINMENT A WEED RO RT TE EN A AND JASO ER PRODUCBYEDJOEL SILVER AKIVADIRECTED SYLVAIN WHITE LE ST CA JA TH DARK ORT OSCAR ENAD SH US MB IN ASSOCIATION WI LU EY STUART BESS CO BR VANDERBILT BY BA AU IDRIS EL CHARDS SARAH O SCREENPLABYYPETER BERG AND JAMES RI E EV ST NA IVE RO CUT EXE DREW SERIES COMICS/VERTIG PRODUCERS AN N THE COMIC BOOKHED DC PUBLIS BY BASED UPO

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Ostensibly, Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) is one of those rare romantic-comedy heroines who take life by the balls. Rather than search for her elusive soul mate to get to the inevitable endgame of kids, she skips the middleman and opts for in vitro fertilization. But then, of course, love happens and Zoe’s best-laid plans go to shit, much like her moxy. Love is in the form of Stan (Alex O’Loughlin), a cheese farmer who inexplicably decides to stay with this woman he’s just met, even after she drops the bomb that she’s knocked up.

While Zoe was once committed to giving birth to and raising a child alone, it becomes an impossible feat without Stan. Characters are broad, bland clichés: Stan is no more than (understandable) manic neuroses about his unplanned impending fatherhood (complete with a beautiful set of abs), while Zoe is both a commitment-phobe with daddy issues and a consummate over-planner. So it’s up to the supporting characters to liven up the proceedings. The women in a single moms group are treated as a freakshow of bad decisions (aren’t these the people we’re supposed to be celebrating?), so any kudos have to go Michaela Watkins as Zoe’s best friend, who adds a little bite and logic to her harried house mom, and The Back-Up Plan in general.

—Molly Eichel (UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

and voice altered, to explain how he’d turned from subject to filmmaker when he discovered that the film’s original director was a far more fascinating character. It’s unclear, however, whether Thierry Guetta — the eccentric French-born video enthusiast whose footage provides an invaluable document of street artists at work — is the bordering-on-insane clown presented in the film, a willing accomplice, a patsy manipulated by Banksy’s puppetry or even the elusive artist himself. But, as recounted by Rhys Ifans’ oily bedtime-story narration, Guetta transforms himself from a voyeur into an “artist” known as Mr. Brainwash, netting a huge opening, an LA Weekly cover story and exorbitant sales based wholly on his own manufactured hype. Regardless of how much of the backstory can be believed, the result is an authentic assault on the art market, which gleefully hangs itself with Banksy’s acidlyoffered rope. —Shaun Brady (Ritz Five)

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finds, despite his initial prejudice, that the guy is not only nice, but also conveniently paternal. They spend long afternoons discussing the Bible, the war and sex, among other things, leading Proffy to reconsider his categorical abhorrence of all things red-bereted.

When the community labels the child a “traitor” for the friendship, he’s further confused, turning his energies more completely toward his nightly binocular-assisted viewings of a lovely neighbor with open window shades.

Based on Amos Oz’s novel, Lynn Roth’s film goes through the motions of a coming-of-age saga, without spending too much time on any particular dilemma. —Cindy Fuchs (Ritz Five)

THE LOSERS A haiku: The exact same plot as The A-Team, sans Mr. T, plus Stringer Bell. (Read Molly Eichel’s review at citypaper.net/movies.) (Pearl; Roxy; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

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OCEANS|C Directed by French actor Jacques Perrin and narrated by the sonorous-asever Pierce Bronson, the Disneynaturedistributed Oceans presents itself as one part nature documentary and one part conservationist call to arms. In reality, it’s little more than a strungtogether bunch of gorgeous footage overlaid with a zoned-out script that simultaneously indicts and acquits humanity of the crime of destroying marine life. Marine iguanas, otters (aw!), manatees, sharks, “Spanish dancer” sea slugs, penguins (always with the penguins! Penguins must have a great publicist) — they’re all touched on in fleetingly poetic fashion, with none of the interesting scientific asides that make series like Planet Earth so engrossing. But that’s not as confounding as the doc’s slapdash approach to laying

SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS AN UNDERGROUND FILMS PRODUCTION “REMEMBER ME” ROBERTPATTINSON EMILIE DE RAVIN CHRIS COOPER LENA OLIN TATE ELLINGTON AND PIERCE BROSNAN CASTING

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✚ ALSO PLAYING CITY ISLAND | D Ritz at the Bourse THE GHOST WRITER | BRitz Five HOT TUB TIME MACHINE | BUA Riverview THE LAST SONG | D+ Ritz at the Bourse A PROPHET | B Ritz at the Bourse VINCERE | ARitz at the Bourse For movie full reviews and showtimes, go to citypaper.net/movies.

THE SQUARE|ADelivering on the promise director Nash Edgerton displayed in his gleefully nasty short, Spider (which unspools before the feature), The Square alternates between nervous hilarity and gasp-inducing shock. After Carla (Claire van der Boom) discovers her husband’s bag of cash, she gives her married lover, Ray (David Roberts), an ultimatum: Help her steal the dough and escape or she will end their relationship. Ray reluctantly, perhaps foolishly, agrees. He hires an arsonist (Joel Edgerton, the director’s brother and coscreenwriter) to mask their crime. But, this being a film noir, of course, nothing goes as planned. Soon, Ray is being blackmailed, and he must discover his tormentor and cover his tracks. Edgerton deftly ratchets up the tension along with the body count. The Square boxes Ray and Carla into tight, uncomfortable situations that are precisely calibrated for maximum sacrifice. Injecting mildly violent moments that unnerve Ray, this airtight film becomes more ab-

sorbing as obstacles keep him from his morally dubious goal. Edgerton seeks to keep his audience equally off guard, shrewdly toying expectations and assumptions about who is doing what to whom. The Square remains gripping right up to the riveting end — when Edgerton pulls the rug — and the floor — out from under everyone. —Gary M. Kramer (Ritz at the Bourse)

✚ CONTINUING CLASH OF THE TITANS|CThe revamped Clash of the Titans appropriates the main characters — demigod Perseus (Avatar’s Sam Worthington) must defeat the monstrous Kraken to save the city of Argos and its princess Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) — and stops only occasionally to wink and nod at the 1981 original (hey! Leave Bubo alone!). In between the innumerable

FOR MOTHER NATURE, REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED…FURRY!

ALEXANDRA PATSAVAS MUSICBY MARCELO ZARVOS SUSAN LYALL EDITEDBY ANDREW MONDSHEIN,A.C.E. DIRECTOR OF SCOTT P. MURPHY PHOTOGRAPHY JONATHAN FREEMAN EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS CAROL CUDDY ROBERT PATTINSON PRODUCED

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blame. We’re shown satellite images of man-made pollutants leaking into the sea, floating islands of non-biodegradable trash, rusty scrap metal scarring natural habitats. “Human indifference is surely the ocean’s greatest threat,” Brosnan warns, but a few minutes later it’s all good again, because a SCUBA diver is swimming next to a really big shark without being eaten, and that proves that fish aren’t that mad at us!

See, we’re trying to understand, so it’s cool! The footage, shot over a four-year period, is sumptuous and breathtaking, and might be worth the ticket price alone, especially considering a portion of the proceeds will support a movement to protect coral reefs in The Bahamas. Just pay no attention to that Irishman behind the curtain. —Drew Lazor (UA Riverview)

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barbaric yawps, there's little in the way of plot. —M.E. (Bridge; Pearl; Roxy; UA Grant; UA Main St.; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

DATE NIGHT|BPlaying a bored suburban couple out to spice up their marriage, Steve Carell and Tina Fey seem like a perfect match. Their hook-up was made less promising when their third wheel turned out to be Shawn Levy, whose specialty is overwhelming gifted comedians with action and noise (The Pink Panther, both Night at the Museum films). As in Woody Allen’s Manhattan Murder Mystery, a couple’s missing spark is replenished by life-threatening circumstances, here instigated by a case of mistaken identity cribbed from North By Northwest. All involved are above the nobrainer material, but they transcend it in engaging fashion. —S.B. (UA Grant; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO|B Based on the first book of Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy, Niels Arden Oplev’s movie elegantly delivers a story full of intrigue and ugliness. Financial journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) is in need of a job so he agrees to investigate the 40-year-old murder of one Harriet Vanger. Mikael is aided by bisexual computer hacker Lisbeth (Noomi Rapace). It helps the investigation that she has a photographic memory as well as an intuitive sense of who’s guilty. —C.F. (Ritz Five)

GREENBERG|ARoger Greenberg (Ben Stiller), fresh off some sort of nervous breakdown and recently arrived in L.A., is a 40year-old frozen at 25, at the instant just after his life went wrong. The sole new relationship that Green-

[ movie shorts ]

berg strikes up is with Florence (mumblecore actress/director Greta Gerwig, who imbues Florence with a remarkable range of emotion), his brother’s aimless personal assistant.

Most films would paint Florence, the younger woman, as Greenberg’s savior, the ray of light that leads to redemption. Director Noah Baumbach, however, has never seen other people as the solution to anyone’s problems. The film, as a result, is often incredibly funny, and even holds out something like hope at the end.

—S.B. (Ritz East)

THE JONESES|CThe newest arrivals in an affluent suburban community seem like the ideal family — gorgeous, stylish parents (David Duchovny and Demi Moore), picture-perfect kids (Ben Hollingsworth and Amber Heard) — but that’s because they’ve been planned that way. The Joneses are, in fact, not a family at all, but a guerrilla marketing campaign brought to life, equipped with the latest fashions, gourmet microwave foods and technotoys, all primed to make the neighbors covetous. First-time director Derrick Borte assembles an enticing package, but as soon as the pitch is made, he engages in a fatal bait-andswitch. Halfway in, the film suddenly strives for grand tragedy, burdening each member of the faux-family with soap opera secrets and defanging the satirical bite inherent in its premise.

—S.B. (Ritz East)

KICK-ASS|B+ Dave (Aaron Johnson) is a typical bored teen who struggles with the

Academy of Natural Sciences, 1900 Ben Franklin Parkway, 610-649-5220, geographicalsociety.org. Portugal: Filmmaker Clint Denn shows scenes from his travels. Wed., April 28, 2 and 7:30 p.m., $7.50-$15.

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE Ibrahim Theater, 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org.

Keep Your Eyes on the Skies: Two Films by Tobe Hooper: Exhumed Films honor The Texas Chainsaw Massacre director with Lifeforce (1985, U.S., 116 min.) and Invaders from Mars (1986, U.S., 100 min.). Fri., April 23, 7 p.m., $5-$8. The Story of a Cheat (1936,

MUGSHOTS COFFEEHOUSE AND CAFÉ 2100 Fairmount Ave., 267-514-7145, mugshotscoffeehouse.com. Humble Pie (American Fork) (2007, U.S., 84 min.): A 400-pound grocery store clerk sets out to become an actor.

Mon., April 26, 7 p.m., free. Desperately Seeking Susan (1985, U.S., 104 min.): Bored housewife (Roseanna Arquette) gets amnesia and thinks she’s Madonna. Wed., April 28, 7 p.m., free.

caring for comatose women. Wed., April 28, 2 p.m., free.

[ movie shorts ]

SPACE 1026 1026 Arch St., second floor, space1026. com. Flying Sutra for Beginners (45 min.): Geoff Graham artistically profiles the band Flying Sutra. Proceeded by comedy by Matt McCusker and music by LCDD. Sun., April 25, 8:30 p.m., $5 suggested donation.

WOODEN SHOE BOOKS 704 South St., 215-413-0999, woodenshoebooks.com. Orwell Rolls in His Grave (2003, U.S., 84 min.): Looks at the relationship between corporations,

the government and mainstream media. Sun., April 25, 7:30 p.m., free.

WORLD CAFÉ LIVE 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400, worldcafelive.com. The Big Lebowski (1998, U.S., 117 min.): The Coen bros. cult classic is screened in conjunction with the Dude Hates Cancer registration kickoff, a bowling tournament to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Tue., April 27, 7 p.m., $5.

PHILADELPHIA CITY INSTITUTE LIBRARY 1905 Locust St., 215-685-6621. Hable con Ella (Talk to Her) (2002, Spain,

112 min.): Two men form a bond while

“THE STAR-STUDDED CAST MAKES IT THE SUPER BOWL OF COMEDY!” Carl Kozlowski, PASADENA WEEKLY

“THE MOST HILARIOUS MOVIE OF THE YEAR!” James Thomas, WRBU-TV/”FIRST LOOK”

Send repertory film listings to molly.eichel@citypaper.net.

THE BALCONY Trocadero Theater, 1003 Arch St., 215-922-LIVE, thetroc.com. Black Dynamite (2009, U.S., 154 min.): A loving satire of blaxploitation. Can you dig it? Mon., April 26, 8 p.m., $3 goes toward a drink or snack.

DOWLINGS PALACE 1310 N. Broad St., 215-236-9888, dowlingspalace.com. The FBI War Leaders (U.S., 85 min.): An examina-

tion of the murdered gangsta rapper.

Thu., April 22, 7 p.m., $5.

SCREEN GEMS PRESENTS A SIDNEY KIMMEL ENTERTAINMENT/WONDERFUL FILMS/PARABOLI C PICTURES/STABLE WAY ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION EXECUTIVE JIM TAUBER BRUCE TOLL DEAN CRAIDIRECTEDG GLENN S. GAINOR “DEATHPRODUCEDAT A FUNERAL” KEITH DAVID RON GLASS KEVIN HART MUSICBY CHRISTOPHE BECK PRODUCERS WRITTEN

BY SIDNEY KIMMEL WILLIAM HORBERG CHRIS ROCK SHARE STALLINGS AND LAURENCE MALKIN BY DEAN CRAI G BY NEIL LABUTE

FLICKERING LIGHT FILM SERIES CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS FOR THEATERS AND SHOWTIMES

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Mount Airy Arts Garage, 542 Carpenter Lane, flickeringfilms.com. Sita Sings the Blues (2008, U.S., 82 min.) Nina

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A P R I L 2 2 - A P R I L 2 9 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

✚ REPERTORY FILM

on Tupac Shakur and Black

the agenda | food | classifieds

As shimmering and insubstantial as heat haze, the first film by Gianni Di Gregorio is an evanescent pleasure, an airy morsel that dissolves on the tongue, imparting only the faintest hint of flavor. A co-writer of the far meatier Gomorrah, Di Gregorio capitalized on that film’s success to put himself on screen as a saggy-eyed bachelor running an ad hoc summer home for spirited golden-agers.

—Sam Adams (Ritz at the Bourse)

GEOGRAPHICAL SOCIETY

France, 81 min.): Director Sacha Guitry also stars in this first person satire about the benefits of cheating and stealing. Sat., April 24, 7 p.m., $5-$8.

a&e

MID-AUGUST LUNCH|B

Paley sets the Indian epic the Ramayana to the vocals of ’20s jazz singer Annette Hanshaw. Sat., April 24, 4 and 7 p.m., free.

the naked city | feature

idea that masked avengers aren’t present in real life to regulate injustice. So the beanpole purchases all the appropriate accoutrement and eases into his new Kick-Ass menacing moniker. When he runs aground in the lair of a drug king, he's saved by Hit-Girl (a tremendous Chloë Grace Moretz), a tween killing machine who’s almost as handy with a bladed bo stick as she is with grossly age-inappropriate language. She’s a real crimefighter on a vigilante mission, along with equally lethal, Shatner-stammering father “Big Daddy” (Nicolas Cage), to wrest control of the underworld from mafia capo Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong).

Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake, Stardust), who wrote, directed and produced, chose to shoot Kick-Ass in a candy shell, with colors sizzling off the screen between fits of gruesome and clearly crowd-pleasing violence.

The real distinguishing characteristic of Kick-Ass is that it’s devoid of all traces of mortal transcendence — there are no radioactive spider bites driving Dave to use his might to make right. There’s no real motivation, even, for him to pick up the hero torch, save for something we all long for at one point or another: the desire to be admired. —D.L. (Pearl; UA Grant; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

a&e | feature | the naked city the agenda classifieds | food A P R I L 2 2 - A P R I L 2 9 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

38 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

agenda

the

LISTINGS@CITYPAPER.NET | APRIL 22 - APRIL 29

icepack

[ Your to-do list, no matter what you’re doing ]

By A.D. Amorosi

³ WHILE EATING ALONG other avenues in

anticipation of this weekend’s East Passyunk Flavors of the Avenue restaurant-a-thon (Ridge and Elmwood aves are but shreds of their former selves), I ran into old friends with good/sad news: Like King Britt’s doing a party at Fluid April 23 for Intricate Beauty — his final “conventional” dance album, and the kids at Worship and the Barbary are holding a 40th b-day party for Josh Wink (April 24).

And all I can think of is Britt-n-Wink’s Ovum label, their good old Vagabond parties, and how if Josh is 40 I then have to have at least turned 38. I see Stephen Starr opening the accordion-filled El Rey/ Ranstead Room at the MidTown IV then heading into David Ansill’s eponymous Bainbridge joint next for Il Pittore and I remember Ansill bartending for Starr at The Bank.Now I want a spritzer. I see Steph Hayes’ Good Problems opening for Kaki King at TLA April 28, and remember the days of Stargazer Lily and hearing Hayes on TV movie Joan of Arc. Then I realize I actually watched Joan of Arc. Just a little sadder though is hearing that Philly photog Zoe Strauss will end her I-95 series under the highway May 2 (no more $5 photos?) and that Butch Cordora’s In Bed with Butch cable-access show is over. The going-on-11-year-old talkie on DUTV and WYBE — the latter until 2008 when it became MIND-TV who cancelled the program but still shows old reruns — didn’t run out of steam or fun. It lost sponsorship ducats. “Money’s been declining since ’08 when In Bed went from seven to two sponsors and I put my own cash in,” says Cordora. The last newly filmed show with Danny Bonaduce aired in January. “It’s a blessing in disguise because I’m kinda over it. Something weird happened after that 10th anniversary party at PURE last April. I suddenly didn’t want to interview one more fucking celebrity.”

Cordora hears from DUTV that the last airing of In Bed is Memorial Day (but also predicts he’ll be this area’s Seinfeld in reruns). Meanwhile, Cordora’s set for a gallery exhibit of his photos AND a screening of his Straight & Butch calendar documentary in July.

Check CritMass for more on this sob-worthy event. ³ Rumor has it Jose Garces’ new place at the Cira has started hiring . ³ When Philly-gone-NYC producer Earl Dax brings Justin Bond to L’Etage April 22, it’ll begin a regular gay-ole-Dax-cabaret series starring Joey Arias.³Though it opened to fanfare in 2005, the Blue Martini at Bally’s has gone ignored until now, as a team of sound ’n’ visual designers is giving the nightclub an overhaul with a rumored reopening for May. ³ Open mic hostesswith-most-est Dani Mari (Lickety Split, National Mechanics) screens her “Vampire” single/video April 22 at Triumph Brewing. ³ Fresh ice cubes at citypaper.net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

TRUE BLUE: David Milch has left his mark on television. His new show is called Luck, starring Dustin Hoffman.

COURTESY OF DAVID MILCH

[ tv eye ]

KING DAVID David Milch, creator of NYPD Blue and Deadwood, speaks. By Sam Adams DAVID MILCH | Mon., April 26, 6:30 p.m.; Tue., April 27, 10 a.m.; free

(reservations required, whfellow@writing.upenn.edu), Kelly Writers House, 3805 Locust Walk, 215-573-9749, writing.upenn.edu

F

rom Hill Street Blues to Deadwood, David Milch has left a formidable mark on television. A former Yale teacher as well as a recovering heroin addict and compulsive gambler, Milch creates detailed worlds that move to their own rhythms. After a hiatus following Deadwood’s conclusion and spiritualist surfer drama John More on: from Cincinnati, he is shooting the pilot for HBO’s horse-racing drama Luck, starring Dustin Hoffman. Milch visits as a Kelly Writers House fellow for a lecture, followed by a brunch the following day.

citypaper.net

City Paper: You’ve talked a lot about the importance of mentors in your life. What do you hope to get across when you talk to students or young writers?

David Milch: I think that it was Joyce who said that paternity is less a matter of blood than an apostolic succession. Just as someone reached out to me, more or less in an exemplary fashion — that is, everything that [Robert Penn] Warren and also R.W.B. Lewis and Cleanth Brooks did — it was their presence and their

sense of responsibility and that they took seriously an obligation to try to communicate to someone who obviously had much less to give back to them than they had to give to me. That was something that I treasured then, and as the years have gone on have come to understand in so many different ways as something that I can best express gratitude for by doing likewise.

CP: You bring a lot of personal history to Luck. You’ve joked that

if you earn $25 million on the show, that will just about cover your research costs.

DM: It was a flippant remark that I will regret as much as the IRS will appreciate it. I’ve been involved in horse racing one way or another since I was a little boy, and like any sort of special world … over the course of time it develops its own dynamics and rules and aberrations. I’m delighted that READ MORE FROM I have access, that I have some familiarity D A V I D M I L C H AT to those things, but at the same time, that C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / familiarity is only important or positive AGENDA. to the extent that it allows you to get the world right. All the old obligations remain in terms of how the story engages the human spirit.

CP: That depth of detail is important to episodic television.

DM: You know, as Marlow, Conrad’s alter ego in Heart of

Darkness, remarks, the jungle will find out what you’re doing there. That’s true of episodic television, too. For me, I’m easily confused and easily misled, so I’m glad to have a big canvas to work on and take the time to find out what I’m doing there. (s_adams@citypaper.net)

Q FISHTOWN SHADFEST Celebrate Fishtown and its spirit animal with free kayaking and fishing, live music, arts and crafts vendors, food, drinks, children’s activities and more. Sat, Apr. 24, 11am-6pm, FREE, Penn Treaty Park, 1199 N. Delaware Ave., fishtownshadfest.org.

Q NATIONAL HAUNTERS CONVENTION, & HALLOWEEN SHOW

Just six months until Halloween.

Get ready with more than 100 booths and how-to classes to get ready for the big night. Every Last Thu, 9am-5pm, $25.00-$25.00, Valley Forge Convention Center, 1060 First Ave, King of Prussia, 610-354-8212.

Q OLD CITY SCAVENGER HUNT

Teams are given digital cameras to capture objects, events and occurrences. It all culminates in a wrap party featuring wine and appetizers. $200 of prizes go to the winner, with proceeds benefiting the Cooperative Nursery School. Sat, Apr. 24, 5-8pm, $30, Bridgette Mayer Gallery, 709 Walnut St., 215-413-8893.

Q RITTENHOUSE ROW SPRING FESTIVAL KICKOFF PARTY Try

Q SEVENTH ANNUAL INTERFAITH PEACE WALK Join people

of all faiths for a walk from the West Philly house of worship-tohouse of worship to promote peace.

Sun, Apr. 25, 2-5:30pm, FREE, Calvary Center for Culture and Community, 801 S. 48th St., 215724-1702.

Q THE DUDE HATES CANCER REGISTRATION KICKOFF PARTY

The kickoff party for The Dude Hates Cancer charity bowling tournament features a screening of “The Big Lebowksi,” live music and drink specials. Proceeds benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Tue, Apr. 27, 7-11pm, $5-$5, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215222-1400.

EXHIBITION Profiles of the gay

black community’s most notable figures, such as Joe Beam and Anita Cornwell. Opening Thu, Apr. 22, 6pm, FREE, William Way Community Center, 1315 Spruce St., 215-732-2220.

Q BUILDING THE WORLD WE DREAM ABOUT This monthly

Q A READING WITH PHILLIP CLARK, JIM CORY AND OTHERS

Q DE LECHE, PT. 2 @uthentic hosts

this classy, wear your best black dress rager to support Womyn’s Village. Thu, Apr. 22, 10pm-2am, $8-$10, 32 Degrees, 16 S. Second St., 215-627-3132.

Q DID IT RITE TOUR 2010 The

fierce Tony Enos throws down songs from his debut album. A portion of the proceeds benefits Our Lady of Fatima & Our Lord Foundation for HIV & AIDS. Fri, Apr. 23, 7-9pm, $10, William Way Community Center, 1315 Spruce St., 215-732-2220.

Q EQUALITY FORUM’S NATIONAL HISTORY PANEL Religious leaders

from various faiths discuss how spirituality plays into the LGBTQ community. Wed, Apr. 28, 8:309:45pm, FREE, Arts Bank, 601 S. Broad St., 215-545-1664.

Q EQUALITY FORUM’S NATIONAL LEGAL PANEL In collaboration

with the Williams Center, this panel explores the legal system and LGBTQ rights. Wed, Apr. 28, 7-8:15pm, FREE, Arts Bank, 601 S. Broad St., 215-545-1664.

Q EQUALITY FORUM’S NATIONAL RACIAL PANEL The 2010 Equality

Forum’s panel series kicks off with a discussion about African-American’s and LGBTQ rights. Tue, Apr. 27, 7-8:15pm, FREE, Arts Bank, 601 S. Broad St., 215-545-1664.

Q EQUALITY FORUM’S NATIONAL TRANSGENDER PANEL Stephen

Glassman facilitates this discussion with transgender activist Mara Keisling. Tue, Apr. 27, 8:30-9:45pm, FREE, Arts Bank, 601 S. Broad St., 215-545-1664.

Q FIBO LAUNCH PARTY & FUNDRAISER The Fireside Island Black Out party features appearances

by DJs Fred Pierce and Calvin.

Fri, Apr. 23, 10-4pm, $20, Loews Philadelphia Hotel, 1200 Market St., 215-627-12008206.

Q GUILTY PLEASURES Philly

Black Gay Pride hosts this party

citypaper.net ✚ READ A.D. AMOROSI’S

Q&A WITH JANEANE G A R O F A L O AT C I T Y P A PER.NET/AGENDA.

www.landmarkamericana.com

LIVE MUSIC EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT

$2 COORSLIGHT (all day)

$2 U CALL IT (10-12)

CHECK OUT PHILLYS NEWEST OUTSIDE BAR 3333 MARKET ST, PHILADELPHIA

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A reading by Phillip Clark and other writers involved in writing Persistent Voices: Poetry by Writers Lost to AIDS. Sat, Apr. 24, 5:30-7pm,

w w w . p a i n t b a l l i n v a s i o n . c o m

discussion focuses on how to become more welcoming of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people in congregations. Every Last Sun, 4-6pm, FREE, Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration, 6900 Stenton Ave., 215-247-2561.

More on:

✚ LGBTQ

Only 25 minutes from Philly

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cuisine and cocktails from the restaurants of Rittenhouse Row. Thu, Apr. 22, 6:30-9pm, $75-$125, The Rotunda at the Shops at Liberty Place, 1625 Chestnut Street, 215851-9055.

Q BEYOND BAYARD ARCHIVAL

food | classifieds

Q FAIRMOUNT ARTS CRAWL

Thirty-seven bars, restaurants and other local businesses showcase the work of more than 70 local artists, Sun, Apr. 25, fairmountartscrawl.org.

$5, Giovanni’s Room, 345 S. 12th St., 215-923-2960.

the agenda

✚ EVENTS/ FESTIVALS

[ the agenda ]

the naked city | feature | a&e

IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED:

Submit information by mail (City Paper Listings, 123 Chestnut St., Third Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19106), e-mail (listings@citypaper. net) or fax (215-599-0634) to Molly Eichel. Include details of the event, dates, times, address of venue, telephone number and admission price, if any. Listings must be received at least 10 days in advance of publication. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

featuring the Gossip Bois and DJ Pauze. Sat, Apr. 24, 10pm, $15, Marathon Grill, 929 Walnut St., 215-733-0311.

[ life is a cabaret ]

[ the agenda ]

Q HISTORICAL WALKING TOUR OF THE GAYBHORHOOD This

Q TOM MENDICINO Author Tom

Q WOMEN’S PARTY: BATTLE OF THE DJS Local lady DJS battle it

After nearly 20 years of playing a shamefully aging, boozy lounge singer in the hot mess cabaret duo Kiki & Herb, Justin Bond is ready to belt out his own ditties. He may still be wearing red lipstick and slinking around in a form-flattering sequined gown, but now his sentiments cut a little deeper.

In his current cabaret act, the gender-fucking singer/songwriter will be telling stories and singing tunes from his EP, Pink Slip, that are dedicated to the neo-pagan revolution. Huh? “It’s for people who aren’t living their lives based on the dictates of an oppressive, mainstream culture,” he says, “My stories are reflective of my experience growing up queer in a Christian, conservative society.” Though Bond sings with a pepped up baritone that could rival Barry White, he says his performance style is influenced by radical female artists, like singers Patti Smith and Marianne Faithfull and author Joan Didion. At the end of his show he’d like his audience to walk away thinking. But even more than that he just wants them to depart in a nice, randy mood. Says Bond: “I really hope they’ll feel like getting it on with someone when they get home.” Thu., April 22, 8 p.m., $25, L’Etage, 624 S. Sixth St., 215-592-0656, creperie-beaumonde.com.

—Josh Middleton

³ TIM EADS: A LEGITIMATE WASTE OF TIME

While music geeks are probably peeing themselves with excitement right now, they should actually be brushing up on their rock-god knowledge.

THURSDAY 4/22 Q ARCHITECTS, 7:30pm, $12, First

Unitarian Church, 2125 Chestnut St., 215-563-3980.

Q BIG BANG with Sonny Bomber,

The Forecast & Scot Sax and Queen Electric, 9pm, $8, Khyber, 56 S. 2nd St., 215-238-5888.

Q HIDING FROM ANDY, 9:30pm, FREE, Triumph Brewing Co., 400

Union Square, New Hope, 215-8628300.

Q HONOR SOCIETY with Just Kait

& Ashlyne Huff, 6pm, $18, TLA, 334 South St., 215-922-1011.

Q LADY DANVILLE with Standard

of Living, 6pm, $12, Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298.

Q LISTENING PARTY: THE NEW

Bednarik, Hijack & Harper, 9pm, $7, Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267671-9298. $12, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684.

Q RIISTETYT with Parasytic, Night-

fall & Vulcan, 5:30pm, $8, Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave., 215-423-8342.

Q SCREECHING WEASEL with

Lemuria & The Challanged, 7pm, Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215-9225483.

Q THE 1990S with Brown Recluse,

Lamedrivers, Party Photographers, Literature, What Cheer? Brigade, Signals & Hex Nine, 8pm, $5-$10, Danger Danger Gallery, 5013 Baltimore Ave., myspace.com/dangerdangergallery.

Q THE MIDNIGHT SOUNDS with

The Sounds of Kaleidoscope & We Thieves, 7:30pm, $8, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215291-4919.

SATURDAY 4/24

PORNOGRAPHERS, 7:30pm, FREE, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N.

Q ANDREW LIPKE & THE PROS-

Front St., 215-291-4919.

Garden & Dean Fields, 9pm, $8, North Star Bar, 2639 Poplar St., 215-684-0808.

Reese, Voss, illipsis, The Authentic, Bueller Da Don, Spoken Wordz, Kane, Rhymes & Reason & Tannonz, 9:30pm, $10, The Balcony (above Trocadero), 1003 Arch St., .

Q MARTI JONES with Don Dixon,

8:30pm, $15, Tin Angel, 20 S. 2nd St., 215-928-0770.

Q OLD SOUL with Early Ape,

LittleBrownChair & North End, 9pm, $7, Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298.

Q ROMAN CANDLE with Roadside

Graves, An American Chinese & Paper Monster, 8pm, $10, North Star Bar, 2639 Poplar St., 215-684-0808.

Q ROYCE HOLIDAY with Soash

PECTS with Fantasy Square

Q BIRDIE NUM NUM AND THE SPIRIT SQUAD with Toy Soldiers,

The Lawsuits & Levee Drivers, 10:30pm, $10, Tin Angel, 20 S. 2nd St., 215-928-0770.

Q BLACK LANDLORD with Kilroy

& The Bronze, 9:30pm, $10, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684.

Q COWBOY JUNKIES with Lee

Harvey Osmond, 7:30pm, $40-$50, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400.

Q FAITH OR FEAR with Flesh En-

gine & Hessian, 9pm, $10, M Room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577.

Harrison, Khemist & Coleone Da Don, 9pm, $8, M Room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577.

Q HIP HOP SHOWCASE Presented

Q SËLA A benefit concert for the Philadelphia Mural Arts Program.

With Sisters3 & Joe Duffey and Whatevers Clever, 9pm, $10, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684.

Q MY SILENT BRAVERY, 7pm,

FRIDAY 4/23 Q BEATALLICA A Beatles and

Metallica tribute band with Misstallica & Dirty Diamond, 9pm, $12,

by Vision and Mic Q. 9pm, $10, Khyber, 56 S. 2nd St., 215-238-5888.

FREE, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400.

Q RIVERDALES with The Manges &

Huntingtons, 3pm, First Unitarian Church, 2125 Chestnut St., 215563-3980.

Q THOSE MOCKINGBIRDS with

Siamese Sundown, The Fleeting Ends, Dinosaur Eyelids & Happy Accident, 9pm, $7, Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298.

Q TRANSANTLATIC, 8pm, $37.50,

TLA, 334 South St., 215-922-1011.

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>>> continued on page 45

Workhorse III & Halo of Snakes, 9pm, $12, Khyber, 56 S. 2nd St., 215-238-5888.

Q QUASI with Let’s Wrestle, 9pm,

Q THE TALLEST MAN ON EARTH

³ THE BIG QUIZ THING

Q MURPHY’S LAW with The Claw,

✚ MUSIC

with The Nurses, 9pm, $15-$17, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400.

[ trivial pursuit ]

Higher Nebulae, 9pm, $12, M Room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577.

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Tim Eads grew up in a small west Texas town, where he learned to make butter by hand and appreciate the simple efforts of creation. Those lessons have carried into his latest art installation, where interactive sculpture meets breakfast: A modified exercise bike churns butter while generating enough electricity to power a singleslice toaster. “A lot of my work is about this extreme amount of energy expelled for very little result,” he says. “It’s one of these things where you sit down and are committed to it, but the end result is very humble product.

I embrace that. It’s very absurd.” Patrons are encouraged to operate the machine during an opening reception, where they’ll enjoy freshly-made butter and warm toast, plus drinks and treats made from buttermilk and local dairies. Reception/performance, Sat., April 24, 6-10:30 p.m.; exhibit through May 15; free, FLUXspace, 3000 N. Hope St., 914-806-4889, www. thefluxspace.org.

—Alexandra Harcharek

Q JIMKATA with Damn Right! & DJ

Q PROBLEM SOLVING with

Q LYRICALLY FIT SERIES with

[ churnin’ love ]

Altamura, Stefano Barone & Pino Forastiere, 7:30pm, $20, Tin Angel, 20 S. 2nd St., 215-928-0770.

out over the turntable. Wed, Apr. 28, 9pm-2am, $6, Sisters, 1320 Chancellor St., 215-735-0735.

³ rock/pop

³ JUSTIN BOND

Q GUITAR REPUBLIC with Sergio

food | classifieds

Mendicino reads excerpts from his latest novel, “Probation.” Sun, Apr. 25, 5:30-7pm, $5, Giovanni’s Room, 345 S. 12th St., 215-923-2960.

North Star Bar, 2639 Poplar St., 215-684-0808.

the agenda

informational tour focuses on the history of Gayborhood from the ’50s to now. Sat, Apr. 24, 11am-1:30pm, $50-$75, Rittenhouse Square Park, W. Rittenhouse Square & Locust St., 215-563-4806.

the naked city | feature | a&e

✚ AGENDA PICKS

the naked city | feature | a&e the agenda

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Q MEGAN MAZARICK: AVATARD

A New Edge Resident Artist, Megan Mazarick collaborates with several other dancers for an evening of dance and video performances.

Runs through Apr. 26, $10-$12, Community Education Center, 3500 Lancaster Ave., 215-387-1911.

Q SUBCIRCLE PRESENTS ONLY SLEEPING Subcircle collaborates

with Geoff Sobelle and Mike Kiley to present a multimedia examination of loneliness in a modern age using video projections and live performance. Runs through May 1, $15-$20, Performance Garage, 1515 Brandywine St., 215-569-4060.

Q WORLD DANCE DAY 945 Dance

Movement Collective invites people to come join them at the Piazza to celebrate World Dance Day. Thu, Apr. 29, 4-8pm, FREE, Piazza at Schmidts, 2nd & Germantown Ave., 215-467-4603.

³ opera Q RUDDIGORE This Gilbert and

Sullivan opera is full of magic, curses and love triumphing all in the Castle Ruddigore and the surrounding medieval village. Runs through Apr. 29, Academy of Music, 1420 Locust St., 215-893-1935.

Q THURSDAY OPERA SERIES: SIMON BOCCANEGRA Bryn Mawr

Film Institute presents a live-delay simulcast performance of Verdi’s “Simon Boccanegra.” Thu, Apr. 29, 8pm, $22.50-$25, Bryn Mawr Film Institute, 824 W Lancaster Ave, Bryn Mawr, 610-527-9898.

violence. Directed by Marilyn Yoblick. Runs through May 8, $18$20, Allens Lane Art Center, 601 W. Allens Lane, 215-248-0546.

Q HENRY IV, PART 1 From

Shakespeare’s history canon, young Prince Hal rises to power alongside the comic relief, Falstaff. Directed by Charles McMahon. Runs through May 2, $10-$35, Lantern Theater Co., 10th & Ludlow sts., 215-8290395.

Q MACBETH Philadelphia Shake-

speare leave their mark on the tale of the power-hungry couple, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth, whose quest for ascension leads to their undoing. Directed by Carmen Khan. Runs through May 8, $20$35, Philadelphia Shakespeare Theatre, 2111 Sansom St., 215496-9722.

Q NERVE A man and a woman go to a bar on their first date. From there, just about everything that could wrong, does. Directed by Kevin Glaccum. Runs through May 2, $15-$25, Latvian Society of Philadelphia, 531 N. 7th St., 215-922-9798.

Q THE VIOLET HOUR Richard

Greenberg’s play follows a man as he decides between publishing memoirs by his secret lover or the next ‘Great American Novel’ penned by his best friend. This dilemma leaves the man wishing he could see into the future, a wish that is granted in an unforeseen way. Runs through Apr. 25, $15, The Stagecrafters Theater, 8130 Germantown Ave., 215-247-8881.

Q TWELTH NIGHT Shakespeare is

³ theater Q A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM Philadelphia Shakespeare

Theatre’s production of this whimsical comedy is influenced by Indian music and movement. Watch as four young lovers, along with faerie gods and goddesses, fall in and out of the frenzy of love. Directed by Carmen Khan. Runs through May 9, $20-$35, Philadelphia Shakespeare Theatre, 2111 Sansom St., 215-4969722.

Q AN EVENING WITHOUT

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WOODY ALLEN Director Jennifer

Childs compiles essays and short stories by Woody Allen for a night of hilarious tales about Jewish living.

Runs through May 16, $25, Plays & Players Theater, 1714 Delancey St., 215-735-0630.

Q AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY This

Pulitzer Prize-winning Broadway drama follows the Weston family after their alcoholic patriarch leaves town. The pill-popping matriarch Violet, played by Academy Award winner Estelle Parsons, must hold the family together. Or not.

Runs through May 2, $34-$126.50, Forrest Theatre, 1114 Walnut St., 215-923-1515.

Q CITY OF NUMBERS This one-

man show explores Philly’s crime problems, artists, Mayor Michael Nutter and other local topics. Directed by Matt Slaybaugh. Every Tue & Wed, 7pm; every Thu, Fri & Sat, 8pm, $25-$29, Adrienne Theater, 2030 Sansom St., 215-123-4567.

Q FLAMING GUNS OF THE PURPLE SAGE Big 8, a rodeo-rider,

is facing the foreclosure of the Wyoming ranch where she rehabilitates injured cowboys. Big 8 won’t stand for this, or the arrival of Shedevil, setting off a chain of shoot-em-up

[ the agenda ]

up to his usual cross-dressing antics in this romantic comedy involving a girl dressed as a boy, her twin brother and a duke. Runs through May 15, $10-$15, Curio Theatre Co., 815 S. 48th St., 215-525-1350.

Q WHEN WE GO UPON THE SEA

In a ritzy hotel room, former President George W. Bush drinks, ruminates on his political career and jokes as his trial for international war crimes looms in his immediate future. Directed by Paul Meshejian.

Runs through May 9, $25-$29, Adrienne Theater, 2030 Sansom St., 215-123-4567.

✚ READINGS/ BOOK SIGNINGS Q TED RALL The political cartoonist

discusses his time on the frontlines of Afghanistan. Wed, Apr. 28, 7-9pm, FREE, The Pen and Pencil Club, 1522 Latimer St., 215-731-9909.

Q DEMON POSSESSION AND EXORCISM: MEDICAL EXPLANATIONS? Kathleen Sands, PhD will

bust some serious ghosts with an illustrated lecture exploring the medical history of demon possession and exorcism. Thu, Apr. 29, 6:30pm, FREE, The College of Physicians of Philadelphia, 19 S. 22nd St., 215563-3103.

Q JONATHAN MABERRY “Patient

Zero” author Jonathan Maberry read and sign copies of his book.

Thu, Apr. 22, 4-6pm, South Philly Comics, 1621 E. Passyunk Ave, 267318-7855.

Q MARLA MILLER The author

reads excerpts from her forthcoming book, “Betsy Ross and the Making of America.” Wed, Apr. 28, 11am-2pm, $2-$3, Betsy Ross House, 239 Arch St., 215-686-1252.

Q SEEING SHYLOCK: IMAGES OF PAWNBROKING IN THREE CENTURIES Wendy A. Wolson

will discuss her new book “In Hock: Pawning in America from Independence through the Great Depression.” Thu, Apr. 22, 6-7pm, FREE, Library Co. Of Philadelphia, 1314 Locust St., 215-546-3181.

Q SUSAN BARR-TOMAN Susan

Barr-Tomen harkens back to a time “When Love Was Clean Underwear” in this novel about learning to negotiate a world of rigid expectations and deciding whom to marry in the tradition-bound South Philadelphia of the early ’90s. Tue, Apr. 27, 3:30-5:30pm, FREE, Chestnut Hill College, Gruber Theater, 9601 Germantown Ave., 215-248-7001.

Q TIM DAVIS The photographer

signs his new work, “The New Antiquity,” which explores the often overlooked treasures around the touristy monuments. Thu, Apr. 22, 7:30-9pm, FREE, Philadelphia Photo Arts Center, 1400 N. American St., 215-232-5678.

Q UNDERGROUND ART: HENRY CHALFANT, MARTHA COOPER & ARTIST BLADE Henry Chalf-

ant, Martha Cooper and graffiti legend Blade (Steven Ogburn) discuss the underground art world of graffiti during its premier era of the late ’70s and ’80s. The evening begins with the screening of 1983 film “Style Wars” and is followed up by Chalfant, Cooper and Blade providing first hand stories and take audience questions. Thu, Apr. 22, 7-11pm, FREE, Drexel University, Bossone Research Center, 3128 Market St., 215-895-1275.

✚ SHOPPING/STYLE Q BRIDAL SHOWCASE Free

hors d’oeuvres and makeup trials complement this bridal vendor fair.

Engaged couples and wedding planners can pick up tips from featured bakeries, photographers and even Bridal Bootcamp. Reservations can be made at bridalshowcase. eventbrite.com. Wed, Apr. 28, 5:308:30pm, $5, Manayunk Brewery and Restaurant, 4120 Main St., 215-482-8220.

Q CHARM PARTY Brighton Col-

lectibles will host a Charm Party every Wednesday night for anyone and everyone. Runs through Apr. 28, FREE, King of Prussia Mall, 160 N. Gulph Rd., 610-265-5727.

Q COCKTAILS AND SHOPPING

Skirt will host a special shopping event to benefit helpusadopt.org.

The event will feature a Denise Cox Jewelry Design Trunk Show, cocktails and opportunities to get Skirt gift certificates through donations.

RSVP to beck.fawcett@helpusadopt. org. Thu, Apr. 29, 6-8:30pm, FREE, Skirt, 931 Lancaster Ave., Bryn Mawr, 610-520-0222.

Q ESTHER K. TRUNK SHOW Vin-

tage Connection welcomes spring with an Esther K. Trunk Show, featuring their delicate necklaces with hearts, shells and other fun finds.

Sun, Apr. 25, 12-5pm, FREE, Vintage Connection, 9th & Bainbridge Sts, 267-528-1625.

[ the agenda ]

<<< continued from page 41

³ THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME Lon Chaney — the Man of a Thousand Faces and dad of Wolf Man Jr. — took on Victor Hugo in 1923 to play Quasimodo in the 1923 silent adaptation of The Hunchback of the Notre Dame.Andrew Senn, music director at the First Presbyterian Church, will provide the ambiance by accompanying the film on organ. Senn says, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame takes place in this big Gothic building, and we’re in a big Gothic building, so it just sort of made sense.” Fri., April 23, 7:30 p.m., free, First Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, 201 S. 21st St., 215-567-0532, fpcphila.org.

—Sam Kaplan [ clowning around ]

³ CHRYSALIS

[ kickin’ it old school ]

³ TECMO SUPER BOWL NINTENDO TOURNAMENT Take out your anger at the Donovan McNabbless Eagles with some throwback virtual football tourney action. We’re not talking Madden on Xbox 360. Tecmo Super Bowl, the game on tap, came out in 1991 for Nintendo. It’ll played on the original consoles and controllers. Top finishers win cash prizes in this 64-player single-elimination tournament, so you’d better practice (but first you gotta register at supertecmophilly@gmail.com).

Fortunately, the game’s playable for free online in a few different places.

Not much of a gamer? Strongbox will also be showing live footage of the 2010 NFL Draft at the same time. Sat., April 24, noon-7 p.m., $20, Strongbox Lounge, 2029 Walnut St., 856-264-7406, phillytecmotourney.com.

—Sam Kaplan

Q NINE WEST EVENT AT NORDSTROM Nine West Creative

Director Fred Allard and “Gossip Girl” stylist Eric Daman team up on a presentation about Nine West products available exclusively at Nordstrom. Following the presentation, the two will answer questions from customers about the new line. Sat, Apr. 24, 1-3pm, FREE, King of Prussia Mall, 160 N. Gulph Rd., 610-265-5727.

Q PHILADELPHIA VINTAGE’S 20 PERCENT OFF TUESDAYS Score

vintage from designers like Versace and Yves St. Lauren, as well as dated clothing from everyday boutiques, for 20 percent off. Ongoing, FREE, Philadelphia Vintage, 2052 Locust St., 215-834-3733.

Q SAILOR JERRY EARTH DAY CELEBRATION To celebrate

Earth Day, Sailor Jerry will give tote bags with their labels out to every customer who spends $50 or more. Runs through Apr. 24, FREE, Sailor Jerry, 118 S. 13th St., 215-531-6380.

Q SAVE WILDLIFE FROM TRASH

In celebration of Earth Day, the recycling-friendly Buffalo Exchange is putting their trendy thrift-ware on sale for just a buck.

All proceeds will go to a Humane Society program that rescues and rehabilitates wild animals. Sat, Apr. 24, 7-7pm, FREE, Buffalo Exchange, 1713 Chestnut Street, 215-557-9850.

Q THE PEOPLE OF ETHIOPIA

Features the photographic journey to Ethiopa by Alden Blyth. The exhibit celebrates the Bus Stop’s unveiling of eco-ethical urban men and women’s Oliberte Footwear made in Ethiopia. All Oliberte shoes are 15 percent off. Fri, Apr. 23, 5:30-8:30pm, FREE, Bus Stop Boutique, 750 S. 4th St., 215-6272357.

Q UNBRIDALED STYLE EXPO AND SAMPLE WEDDING GOWN SALE The Wardrobe Boutique is

hosting a wedding gown sample sale of over 200 new gowns for all sizes and budgets (between $50 to $500). The event focuses on local, handmade and eco-friendly wedding services. Sun, Apr. 25, 11am-4pm, $10, The Wardrobe Boutique, 1822 Spring Garden St., 215-568-2660.

More on:

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Shuffling off an association with stale popcorn smell and bearded women, the Philadelphia School of Circus Arts emphasizes the artistry of circus performing. This week the two-year-old school will host its first-ever faculty performance. Titled “Chrysalis,” it’s a reference to the show’s theme of transformation. Using their agile athleticism, the performers transform their own bodies into astonishing spectacles. Dancer and actress Jackie Zalewski (pictured) will contort herself around a hanging hoop called a lyra, while Kitsie Lundell scales the aerial ladder. Resident tightwire teacher Renae Moore will fearlessly cross through the air on only a slender rope. Brendan Brolly will juggle, David Smith will perform sideshow stunts and Doug Young will conjure up magical illusions (including one not even his fellow faculty members have seen). Don’t you wish your teachers had these moves? Seating is limited, so make reservations early through phillycircus.com. Fri.-Sun., April 23-25, 8 p.m., $10, Philadelphia School of Circus Arts, 5900A Greene St., 215-849-1991, phillycircus.com.

—Emily Currier

spring with a fresh face, courtesy 3000 BC Spa. Make an appointment on Wed., April 28 and receive the Express Micro Pick Me Up Peel, $100 shopping credit and two free bonus products for $250. Wed, Apr. 28, 10am, FREE, 3000 BC Spa, 605 W. Lancaster Ave, Radnor, 484-367-1000.

food | classifieds

[ never break the chaney ]

Q GOOD FACE DAYS Welcome

the agenda

Why? So they can make our town look good when New York’s coolest quizzers breeze through for a music-themed trivia challenge. This is where trivia meets performance. “I call myself a quizmaster, so I like to think that I have some showmanship,” says producer and host Noah Tarnow. The grand prize is $200 cash, but as Tarnow points out, “The real glory comes from knowing that you possess more useless knowledge than anyone else in the room.”

Tue., April 27, 8 p.m., $11, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400, worldcafelive.com.

—Julia West

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✚ Agenda Picks

45

ROOSEVELTS & Room VII 23RD & WALNUT

$1. 00

# #$' &&%'

=I@;8P ?8GGP ?FLI

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COCKTAIL

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1¢ DRINKS & DRAFTS

WINE

APRIL 24

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On Sale This Sat. at 12PM

On Sale This Sat. at 12PM

5

('GD$()8D =FF; 9L==<K

$ . 00

FLYERS

POUND OF PEEL AND EAT SHRIMP

PLAYOFF ACTION #VE -JHIUT

G?@CC@<J

HAPPY HOUR

#VE -JHIU EVSJOH UIF HBNFT

5pm â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 7pm NIGHTLY MAY 29

JUNE 5

BcSaROg BVc`aROg

?cWhh]

S. 17th St.

D=B32 03AB =4 >67::G ! 1`OTb >W\ba

tavern17restaurant.com

ROOSEVELTS23.COM

On Sale This Sat. at 12PM

On Sale This Sat. at 12PM

JUNE 11

JUNE 12

SILKCITYPHILLY.COM 5TH & SPRING GARDEN

On Sale This Sat. at 12PM

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MO $$ NO PROBLEMS

THURSDAY 4/22

DJ SAMMY SLICE DJ COOL HAND LUKE HOST TU PHACE FRIDAY 4/23

DJ FROSTY

SATURDAY 4/24

DJ DEEJAY

JULY 24 4.30 5.01 5.06 5.09 5.21 5.22

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THIRD EYE BLIND MONICA HIM /%,$ ! *! $! &&!( )''%( ( *%.!

GOSPEL BRUNCH ),$!*2+ 1

*!+!(,+ FLYLEAF /%,$ ! *+ %* ) % & ( GILBERTO SANTA ROSA ( &! $%+ , ,

Showboat Casino 801 Boardwalk, Atlantic City, NJ 609.236.BLUE

6.03 6.04 6.06 6.09 6.23 6.26

!& )'!+ BRANDI CARLILE

COLLECTIVE SOUL /%,$ -,)' ,% %*!

LES CLAYPOOL /%,$ ), ! $)/ !& )'!+ JIMMY CLIFF CINDERELLA /%,$ !!& GLADYS KNIGHT

For Complete Concert Listings Log On To

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, 1 ,$! (%#$, %( +,1&! %( )(! )" )-* $% ( !0 &-+%.! )-+! " &-!+ ,- %) -%,!+ Visit our website for hotel room availability.

Management reserves the right to change or cancel this event at any time without notice. Must be 21 or older to gamble, enter and remain in a New Jersey casino or participate in any Showboat promotion. Know When To Stop Before You Start.® Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. ©2010, Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s License Company, LLC.

Saturday, April 24 Traditional Irish Music Session 4pm OSO 10pm Wednesday, April 28 Open Mic Sandwich 8pm Book Your Next Party at Fergieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s!

Graduation, Birthday, Anniversary

DJs LEE JONES & DIRTY MONDAY 4/26

Monday Nights Best Open Mic in Town 9:30pm

TUESDAY 4/27

Tuesdays & Thursdays Quizzo: Pub Quiz 9:30pm

WEDNESDAY 4/28

No Cover Downstairs!

PHAROAHE MONCHE BROTHERS PAST THE CITY EP RELEASE

800.745.3000

Friday, April 23 Poetry Reading 6pm Dan Collins Songwriter Showcase 10pm

COMING UP

4/30: THE RUB W/ COSMO BAKER, DJ AYRES, DJ EXCEL & DJ DIRTY 5/5: CINCO DE MAYO PARTY WITH SOLOMONIC SOUND 5/7: HOT MESS W/ GUEST DJ NEIL ARMSTRONG 5/11: SYNTH SIRCUS/ONE.MAN.AND 5/12: EARLY APE/DRAGONZORD 5/14: PEX VS PLAYLOOP

FREE, 21+ www.Fergies.com

www.myspace.com/fergies booking@fergies.com

1214 Sansom St. 215-928-8118

Girard

GRO

Saturday, April 24th 8pm $5 Barbarism, Ganto Barn, The KMX Band and Kickin Chickens

UP THERAPY BAR

Saturday, May 8th 9pm $5 Rat Healer, Hawks and Bay Of Pigs

Just take the STEPS and everything will be alright!

Saturday, May 15th 9pm NO COVER Birds Of Maya Record Release Party - with special guests - Watery Love Monday Night Jazz Every First Monday with The Fishtown Jazz Odyssey NO COVER Wed Nite Open Mic ‘Original Music’ 9pm w/ Dave Robins or Abe the Rockstarr Happy Hour Mondays-Fridays 5-7pm $2.50 Kenzinger Pints & More!

Beer of the Month SLYFOX PIKELAND PILS!

DOWNSTAIRS

ON THE CORNER OF

9TH & CHRISTIAN

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215.238.0379

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12STEPSDOWN.COM TWELVESTEPSDOWN@AOL.COM

215-634-6430

56 South 2nd St.

$$

THURSDAY 9PM

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$%

Sonny Bomber, The Forecast Scot Sax and Queen Electric FRIDAY 9PM

$&

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MURPHY’S LAW VISION AND MIC Q PRESENT A HIP HOP SHOWCASE SUNDAY 8PM

IMBALA

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KHYBER KARAOKE WITH DJ PARTY PETER TUESDAY 8PM

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$+

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THURSDAY

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FRIDAY

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SATURDAY

House Music on the Main Floor Hip Hop on The Roof

SUNDAY

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MONDAY

Latin Night/Free Lessons On the Main Floor Mixed Music on The Roof

TUESDAY

Hip Hop on the Main Floor w/Strength Dance Competition/ Pole Dancing Oldies Music on The Roof

WEDNESDAY

Continuation of Center City Sips 5p-7p Hip Hop on the Roof & Main Floor 116 S.18 th Street 215-568-1020 www.vangoloungeandskybar.com

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f&d

foodanddrink

portioncontrol

By Carolyn Wyman

YOU SHAD ME AT HELLO ³ FISHTOWN’S SHAD FEST is only a couple of days away from being a two-year institution, but Paul Kimport says his idea of fêting the fish — with music, crafts, talks, displays and a booth actually serving the stuff — initially had lots of critics. “‘It’s such a fishy fish. Why honor that?’” people asked Kimport, the Fishtown Area Business Association president who serves shad at his Standard Tap and Johnny Brenda’s. His reply?

Because shad is why Fishtown is called Fishtown.

From the 1700s through the early 1900s, catching shad as they made their way up the Delaware for springtime spawning was the neighborhood’s main industry. “This fish is central to the history of Fishtown,” says Kimport.

Overfishing and pollution eventually reduced swarms of shad in local waters to a trickle. Still, to many, spring is not spring without a taste of this oily, bony member of the herring family.

Oyster House’s Sam Mink, the third generation of Mink family restaurateurs to serve shad, says those who ask after it typically “remember it from their childhoods.” Younger customers who order shad are asked if they like bluefish. “If they say they hate full-flavored fish, we’ll steer them in another direction,” says Mink. “There’s no point in wasting good fish.” First-time shad roe orderers are rarer, especially the way Oyster House cooks it, which is only partway (well-done upon request).

Oyster House is typical of the venerable eateries that serve shad and shad roe, says Sam D’Angelo, CEO/shad pusher at seafood wholesaler Samuels & Son. Young chefs at trendy places “don’t know what to do with it,” says D’Angelo, recalling one who skinned a shad fillet and was left with a pile of flakes. The quick trip from East Coast states that still boast viable shad catches makes shad “a great value,” D’Angelo says. Still, the short season and limited supply area, coupled with the fish’s strong taste, make some restaurants wary.

Kimport shares their concern about supply. At last year’s Shad Fest, it took him only two hours to run out of the 50 pounds of shad he got to make sandwiches. Of course, many of his customers were first-timers. This year’s line should be shorter now that more people know what they’re in for. (cwyman@citypaper.net) ✚ Fishtown Shad Fest, Sat., April 24, 11 a.m.-6 p.m., free, Penn Treaty Park, 1341 N. Delaware Ave., 215-427-0350, ext. 120, fishtownshadfest.org.

FLOUR POWER: Owner Joseph “Joey Noodles” Lomanno makes the dough the right way at Superior Pasta Company in the Italian Market.

NEAL SANTOS

getting that list), as well as with the community.

Each establishment follows a similar production schedule, with particular items made fresh at certain times throughout the week.

What’s more, most places have a high turnover that ensures their items haven’t been sitting very long in a refrigerator or freezer.

Here’s our guide to South Philly’s best fresh pasta shops.

[ so fresh ]

USE YOUR NOODLE A guide to fresh-made pasta in South Philadelphia. By Brion Shreffler

I

n the Italian Market, the sight of sheets of pasta running through a machine to be swept into braids lures people to a halt.

Places like Talluto’s, at Ninth and Carpenter, stick their pasta cutter in the window for everyone to see. Superior Pasta, near Ninth and Christian, takes a subtler approach, but has no problem drawing attention with its tricolor awning. Visit either spot — or Nino’s Fresh Pasta and Matteo’s Italian Foods, both along 12th Street — and you’ll walk More on: away with fresh pasta that approximates what you’ll eat in the motherland.

It starts and ends with three simple ingredients: high durum flour, fresh eggs and water. But what separates fresh-made pastas and the dried stuff you get at the supermarket, as any master will tell you, are flavor and feel. “It has an unmatched texture and cooks in a fraction of the time, and because it’s more porous, it holds the sauce better,” says Talluto’s manager, Dave Brown, of fresh-made.

It takes skill to ensure someone eating your pasta can truly taste that egg and that flour. Also relying on a mastery of paradoxical texture — the best pastas somehow boast a pillowy bite and a welcome firmness at the same time — South Philly’s pasta-makers maintain a healthy relationship with numerous local restaurants (good luck

citypaper.net

³ SUPERIOR PASTA | 905 Christian St., 215-627-3306, superiorpasta.com

Founded by an Italian immigrant in 1945, Joseph “Joey Noodles” Lomanno took over Superior in 1999, leaving a job in the corporate world.

Cannelloni. Superior calls this their “hidden treasure.”

Lomanno swears there isn’t any veal in MORE FOOD AND his blend, so there must be something DRINK COVERAGE magical about their combo of beef, ricotta AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / and fresh herbs. Coat with olive oil, M E A LT I C K E T. spices and Parmesan, and let it sit in the oven for a few before heating to completion with marinara.

Hot Pepper Linguine. An infusion of pepper flakes ensures that this pasta will stand out in any sauce. The heat comes in varying waves.

Cavatelli. These little bands, enriched with ricotta, are twisted with a shallow ridge (think macro-chromosomes you can eat).

Superior’s make for a hearty dish, with the knots perfectly engineered to soak up marinara.

Gorgonzola Eggplant Ravioli. Though not the ingredients you’d expect blended with ricotta in ravioli, this pasta’s incorporation of Gorgonzola and eggplant is a winner. >>> continued on adjacent page

Let the feeding frenzy begin.

Food news, recipes, menu exclusives

citypaper.net/ mealticket

the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city

[ food & drink ]

✚ WHAT’S COOKING

gracetavern.com

2301 FAIRMOUNT AVE

PHILADELPHIA

215.978.4545

LONDONGRILL.COM

classifieds

food

[ the week in eats]

`

Best

place to get a

a

50 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

A P R I L 2 2 - A P R I L 2 9 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

Cheesesteak?

Flavors of the Avenue Sat., April 24, noon-5 p.m., $20 in advance ($25 at the door) ³ Flavors of the Avenue is once again taking over East Passyunk for a day of local flair. Rain or shine, stroll under tents and try samples of signature dishes and drinks from more than a dozen restaurants and bars, like Tre Scalini, Mamma Maria (above), Le Virtù, Fond, Fuel and more. A craft fair, fashion show and live music will also entertain throughout the day. East Passyunk Avenue between Dickinson and Morris streets, 215-336-1455, visiteastpassyunk.com.

Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Fundraiser at Yards Brewing Co. Fri., April 23, 7-10:30 p.m., $25 ³

Do a good drinking deed by taking part in this fundraiser to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It’s an evening of music, entertainment and firkin tappings at Yards. A ticket gets you six beers, sandwiches, snacks and access to the brewery. Tix must be purchased ahead online; go to bit.ly/yards. Yards Brewing Co., 901 N. Delaware Ave., 215-634-2600, yardsbrewing.com.

BEST SHOP FOR LOCAL PRODUCE?

South African Wine Tasting at Lacroix Rittenhouse

FAVORITE PLACE TO GET A CHEESESTEAK?

Mon., April 26, 6:30 p.m., $30 ³ Discover South African reds at Lacroix, where sommelier Eric Simonis will guide a tasting of four wines. Learn about nuances of the region while sampling Pinotage, Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz and a Vrede En Lust red blend.

Following the tasting, you can catch the restaurant’s three-course $35 prix-fixe from chef Jason Cichonski.

Lacroix, Rittenhouse Hotel, 210 West Rittenhouse Square, 215-790-2533, lacroixrestaurant.com.

BEST BYOB RESTAURANT IN THE CITY?

River & Glen Seafood Dinner at Bar Ferdinand

YOUR QUESTIONS. Y O U R A N S W E R S . Y O U R C I T Y.

askadelphia.

ASKADELPHIA.COM

Sun., April 25, 8 p.m., $65 ³ Chef David Kane has created a sustainable seafood menu featuring fresh products from local supplier River & Glen. Start with Mystic oysters served three ways and bouchot mussels with roasted grapes, tarragon and hazelnuts. Continue the feast with Great South Bay hand-harvested clams; pan-seared scallops with foie gras-stuffed morel mushrooms; and line-caught Chatham Bay cod. Service industry folks can enjoy at 20 percent discount, and an optional wine pairing is available for $30 more. Bar Ferdinand, Liberties Walk, 1030 N. Second St., 215-923-1313, barferdinand.com —Alexandra Harcharek

Gaetanoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Italian Deli 2 6 7 â&#x20AC;¢ 7 61 â&#x20AC;¢ 9 3 7 2

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NEW ORLEANS CAFE Know before you go.

citypaper.net/restaurants Search hundreds of local restaurants by location, cuisine and price

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

[ i love you, i hate you ] AND FINALLY

I TOLD YOU

I don’t want to have to say this again. what’s hers is hers and what’s mine is mine. Y’all belong to her! two of you, that I’m aware of, slept with her. so, that means, I can’t be with you...EVER! Accept it. that’s the reality. you’re done with ME!

it was over. i don’t know why you didn’t believe me. i don’t like that you say you’ll call and you never do. i can’t waste any more time on that flakery. i’m doing the right thing. you just don’t know it yet. i’m trying to spare you heartache. one day, when you meet her, you’ll be happy i did.

the greatest kiss ever. There is nothing I can do because I am married, but, I think if I got to kiss you once and hug you for a minute just to feel you, that would be enough. I don’t want bad karma for thinking so or doing so, but its a feeling I can’t stop having, I want to stop, but I can’t. If I am meant to kiss you without repercussion, please show me a sign or show yourself. Yo

I MISS YOU

LET’S JUST BE

We were together for over a year but that ended last night. I was drunk and now it’s too late for us.

I’m sure when people saw us together they thought

Let’s just beplatonic friends that occasionally play romance. You should know that I have a track record of cheating on my serious boyfriends.

BERNARD I am so happy to have saw you when you came down to the office! You look wonderful darling! I hope that this summer is as good for you as it will be for me! You seem like you’re the only one that I know that has some type of sense! I can’t wait until we hang out and eat dinner and talk shit!

Don’t you remember those times. I miss hanging out with you!

CAR SPITTER You can roll down your window and spit on me from your girlfriend’s car as I ride past on my bike...but now you know I can stalk you for a few blocks, then catch up to you and smash your shit with my lock. Next time it’s gonna be all your windows and not just your mirror PUSSY. How did the rest of your night go?

TIMES GOES SO FAST! When I am with you, I can’t see to figure out why the time goes so fast....I can talk to you for hours and it seems like that is the only thing that I can focus on is you when you are around! I wish that you and I would win the lottery and go somewhere far away and just relax and chill out! I enjoy talking to you so much and I blush everytime that I am around you! I am very fond of you and I hope that you feel the same! Normally I am not that bold but you bring something out of me!

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HOT GUY! I saw you at the store and you and I made eye contact and I couldn’t help but to notice that you were eating my favorite desert, chocolate ice-cream! I love it so much and I can’t wait to see you again at the store. And I hope that is soon so that you and I can compare some things especially how you like to look at me and I definitely like to look at you! I love a man in those work boots you had on! See ya on Thursday!

WE ALL CHANGE!

I ASKED MY MOM

Even when I don’t tell you that I love you doesn’t mean that I don’t love you! You call me and blow the phone up so much and I can’t help not to want to answer the phone! I hate the fact that you are away but I am glad that you are gone and I hope that you find what you are looking for! I am not that girl that you think that I am..and I want you to know that you suck so much, and making love to you is useless. I rather play with myself!

I go into this new produce store to check it out! I got to the counter to make my purchase and there he is boasting I own this place! So ok can I make my purchase? Then he wants to know am I single!

Now I’m even here so gross. I hand him and five and he says Oh I have no change let me check my pockets and sure enough out comes the magnum condoms! Are you fuckin shittin me!

Oh my goodness what you do to me! That is the question that is on my mind. You had me thinking about you, the other day and I couldn’t even type on my computer, I was in a daze and I had to shake myself out of it! I think you are so nice and when we talked on the phone the other day you brought out another side of you that I just couldn’t stop thinking about. I know that you and I would be a “GOOD” mess together. I hope that we can be closer and still and yet remain to be honest with each other! I hope that I am not asking to much, think about that Mr. Handome Anthony! You know who you are! Talk to you later!

The thrill is gone? And as it was with my last boyfriend, it got stale at 5 years. Not that I didn’t love you anymore...it just wasn’t exciting. We became too familiar. And maybe if I had been mature that would’ve felt great, like your best pair of soft, worn jeans that you never want to throw out.

Anyways,this feels like that. But I’m not mature.

And it’s not exciting anymore. I want somebody new.

I LOVE YOU!

SCUMBAG

SEXY CAPRICORN

DON’T YOU KNOW?

How do you stay with one person for so long? I mean your whole life? Don’t you get bored with them? Don’t you meet somebody new and they’re cute and exciting and seemingly unattainable and make you nervous? She said if you love a person, then you don’t just leave them. I guess she’s right.

Maybe she’s just not impulsive. My grandma forgets that my grandpa is dead. She always calls my dad and asks where her husband is. She blocked out his death. I don’t want that to happen to me.

you and I want you to realize that I am not trying to hurt you I am just doing the right thing for me! I love being independent and taking care of myself. But, I want you to know that I did meet someone and him and I seem as if we known each other for years! He is really sweet, charming, and to be honest..I am falling for him! I can’t help it! Sorry but you aren’t around what am I supposed to do!

you made me look bad but I didn’t care! When I was with you... It was like seeing a new world with fresh eyes. Farewell. I hope you ended up with someone who has the same feeling for you that I did. You were, literally, a great pair of inexpensive, store-bought reading glasses. I hope my next pair will be as good to me as you were.

Leaving them or wanting to leave them for other people. What makes you think I wouldn’t do that to you? I care about you very much, both someone and somebody, and I’ve been emotionally cheating on both of you with each other. I don’t want to hurt you. So, let it go. I am.

J. WEINER I LOVE YOU

Has anyone ever noticed that most PETA ads have a half naked woman on it? See this is where you think I’m going write about how it’s sexist. Nope I’m just saying these adds will one day trigger me to stop eating animals and start eating people.

I know its never been said and I feel like the devil himself will come up if I tell you how I feel, because, I am married to a wonderful man. When I am around you (the very few times I can be) and when I think of you it is so intense. I kissed you once on the lips, getting out of the car to drop you off and it was a small peck, and I felt like it was

PETA

I went to dinner with you the the other day and you stopped and got something to eat before we went to dinner! I thought that was really dumb!

Who do you think that you are and for me to waste my money trying to show you something seemed like a waste! You are so greedy when you got home you probably ate whatever food you brought and plus the left-overs from dinner.

Please mark my words! I will never go out with you again, don’t ask me nor will I try to show you a good time! Your loser ass ex-boyfriend is a bum and you will be too, if you keep messing with him! I am done trying to show you anything good!

✚ To place your FREE ad (100 word limit), go to citypaper.net/ILUIHU and follow the prompts. ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate.

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City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the

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C A L L 2 1 5 - 7 3 5 - 8 4 4 4 F O R A D V E R T I S I N G I N F O R M AT I O N | PLACE YOUR FREE ONLINE CLASSIFIED AD ATCITYPAPER.NET/CLASSIFIEDS C L A S S I F I E D S D E A D L I N E S Billboard Friday, 5 PM | Adult Friday, 12 PM | All Other Classified Categories Monday, 4 PM

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BUSinESS oppoRtUnitiES

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dAnCERS

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jobs

dEntiStS nEEdEd

General Dentists needed to work in busy Pennsylvania practice locations.

Pd malpractice, health & sign-on bonus for cer tain locations Send CV to cjpatterson@ kosservices.com

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Northeast Judgment Acquisition & Recovery 482 Southbridge St. Suite 247, Auburn, MA 01501.

Musician’s Services piAno tUnER FoR pHiLLy

Trained at the University of Western Ontario, Tyler Feickert offers tuning, regulation and piano repair work for the Philadelphia area.

Call 215.732.5377 or write to tyler.feickert@gmail.com to inquire about services and scheduling.

lessons & Workshops GUitAR/ BASS GUitAR LESSonS

Given by experienced musician. Northeast location.

Reasonable. Call Toni (267) 343-8989

investments/ Financial Planning

Work for the only Upscale Gentlemen’s Club in Atlantic City. We cater to the Casino’s a n d C o nve n t i o n C e n t e r visitors. Earn up to $2,500 weekly.

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employment agency/ Service BARtEndERS in dEMAnd.

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CUStoMER RELAtionS oppoRtUnity

Excellent Full/Part Time Customer Relations Opportunity Local Distributor for Domestic & International Manufacturer with divisional office in El Cerrito. Now Hiring Full/Part Time for Indoor Air Treatment System.

Now Expanding with Immediate Openings P/T in Sales Department in the East Bay Area. (Hercules, Berkeley, Emeryville, Rodeo, Pinole, El Sobrante, Martinez, Albany, Kensington, Orinda, Moraga,

ABLE TO TRAVEL: National Company Hiring Sharp People.

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Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-4057619 Ext. 2450 http://www. easywork-greatpay.com.

HELp WAntEd dRiVER

CDL Trainees Needed. Regional Company currently looking for 40 entry-level truck drivers. No CDL-No Problem.

Training available in your area. $700-900 week earning potential. 1-800-961-4319.

HELp WAntEd dRiVER

KNIGHT REFRIGERATED-

FinAnCiAL

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Hir ing Qualified Dr ivers looking for a Great Opportunity with a Company that is offering $.03 Performance Reward in 1st Year!! Apply online at: www.knightrefrigerated com 888-668-0829.

6mos. OTR experience required. Class-A CDL. HELp WAntEd dRiVER

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HELp WAntEd dRiVER

a must. To be considered for this great opportunity please e-mail The Right Fit Staffing Solutions Inc. at mikemayer2001@gmail.com. YOU WILL EARN UP TO $3000 MONTHLY. If interested All applicants must be authorized to work in United State and Canada

r eal estate

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Dr iver-COMPANY Experienced OTR drivers and Teams. Consistent Miles, Excellent Health Benefits. 6 mo. OTR exp. & current 888463-3962 www.usatruck.jobs EOE M/F/H/V.

homes for Sale

HELp WAntEd dRiVER

HoMES FoR SALE

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Our client requires a parttime Bookkeeper (1-2 days/ week) to assist them with an ongoing temporary assignment. This position could become permanent for the right candidate. You will be responsible for Bookkeeping, Accounts Payable entering, setting up inventory, filing, organizing and some administrative duties. You must be able to thrive in a team environment and also work well alone. Successful candidate for this role will have excellent knowledge of Simply Accounting. Strong written and oral communication is

215.670.9535

2nd & GiRARd AREA

Northern Liberties 2 bedroom Trinity on O’Niel st. 1 block from Piazza. Washer/dryer, dishwasher, refrigerator, central air, gated court yard with intercom & gate release in apartment. $900 per month plus utilities. Call for appointment to see. 610-544-5931 ARt MUSEUM

3 bedroom apartment, high ceilings! parking, air, patio, yard $800 LOCATORS 215922-3400 ARt MUSEUM

EVERyHoME.CoM

FORECLOSED HOME AUCTION 90+ Homes 1 Auction: 4/29. Open House: April 17, 24 & 25. REDC 1 View Full Listings: www.Auction.com RE Brkr 5B065259.

land/ lots for Sale LAnd FoR SALE

LAND DEALS OF A LIFETIME Adirondack Raging River-19 Acre Tract WAS $119, 995 NOW: $59,995! 5 Acres w/ New Rustic Camp-$19,995.

Call now to hear more! 8002 2 9 - 7 8 4 3 w w w. L a n d a n dCamps.com.

➤

rentals

apartments for rent 2 BR tEMpLE HoUSinG $900/Mo

Two units are available now.

E a c h h ave 2 b e d r o o m s, 1 bath. Safely and conveniently located on Broad St.

DRIVERS: Tanker Freight Regional Runs.

Company Drivers. Great Pay & Benefits!

Pd. Orientation, Assigned Trucks. Fuel Card, PrePass. Must Have: TWIC Card, CDL-A w/Tanker & Hazmat End. 18mo Current TT Exp. EOE/M/F/V/D

gently moving your earthly possessions

www.mambomovers.com

Units have forced air heat and central air. There is a shared washer and dryer in the building. Hot water is included in the rent. To schedule a showing please reply by email to this ad, call 215.828.1447 or text 215.962.9061 Good luck in your search!

Call Tony Today!

800-764-4034 . www.hytt.com

3 bedroom apartment, high ceilings! parking, patio, air, yard $800 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 AVEnUE oF tHE ARtS, 1BR/1BA

1.877.848.8874, Ultra modern 1BR/1BA, Avenue of the Arts, S. Central Philadelphia!

Features: marble bathroom w/ jacuzzi W/D inside unit kitchen w/ stainless steel appliances, dishwasher, garbage disposal, etc. central air /gas heat hardwood floors walk-out deck No broker’s fees! A must see! $875 + Location: South Broad St. and Dickinson St. (Avenue of the Arts, at South Carolina) Call: 1.877.848.8874 AVEnUE oF tHE ARtS, 2BR/1BA

1.877.848.8874, 2BR/1BA,

Avenue of the Arts, S. Central Philadelphia! Lots of natural light, large kitchen & living area, balcony, private entrance, and more! Features: wall-to-wall closets for lots of storage, large kitchen w/ granite countertops, marblefinished bathroom with jacuzzi tub, original hardwood floors, W/D inside unit, and C/A, Available now! $1200.00 + Call toll-free: 1.877.848.8874 BELLA ViStA

Pets welcome! Renovated house apartment, air, large kitchen $600’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 BELLA ViStA

Renovated house apar tment, air, large kitchen, pets ok $600’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 CAStER GARdEnS

House apartment, near transportation, no credit check!

Pets ok $400’s LOCATORS 215-922-3400 CAStER GARdEnS

No credit check! Pets ok! Nice house apartment, near transportation $400 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 CAStER GARdEnS

Pets welcome! No credit check! House apar tment! patio $400’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 CEntER City

Just $500! Renovated apartment with large kitchen, storage, yard, air. LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 CEntER City

Renovated apartment, storage, yard, large kitchen $500 LOCATORS 215-922-3400

61

L o o k i n g fo r a e n e r g e t i c person(s) of professional quality Progressive, state of the art automotive repair facility is seeking an organized, motivated professional w/ the ability to effectively communicate w/ technicians and customers, increase service scheduling, productivity and performance. Full-time position w/ a 5 day work week.

Must have valid driver license , State and Emission license, own tools, ASE certifications would help. Wayne’s Garage 4521 Springfield Ave Phila.

PA. 19143 E-mail wayne@ waynesgarage.biz Call 215222-5703 Fax 215-222-0802

ALL CASH VEndinG!

San Pablo and their nationwide office ) No Experience Required Must be at least 18 years of age Reliable Vehicle for Transportation EVENING AND WEEKEND POSITIONS AVAILABLE Company Offers: · PAID TRAINING · NO LAYOFFS · RAPID ADVANCEMENT · PAID VACATION All applicants must be Neat in Appearance, Hard Working, & Ready to Start Immediately!

SEND YOUR RESUME to: vivandlaw01@yahoo.com

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | A p r i l 2 2 - A p r i l 2 9 , 2 0 1 0 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

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For Sale

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m arket place

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Business Services

POLICIES: It is the responsibility of the Advertiser to check his or her ad the first time it runs. This newspaper can assume no responsibility for errors beyond the first printing of the incorrect ad. City Paper will not be responsible for failure to insert an advertisement. City Paper reserves the right to edit advertising copy, graphics and photos.

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food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city

DELAWARE COUNTY

Great 1st fl apt in Aldan, PA. Duplex! Wall-to-wall carpet, central air and heat, 2 bedrooms, new kitchen, just renovated, walking distance to public transportation, and off street parking! $800/ month+all utilities. No pets.

Space for washer/dryer. Application fee and credit check.

This apt is a must see! Call 2674815609 between 6pm8pm for an appointment!

GERMANTOWN

4 room duplex, 1st floor, near park, pets ok $500’s LOCATORS 215-922-3400 GERMANTOWN

classifieds

Duplex, 1st floor, 4 rooms, near park , pets ok $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 GRADUATE HOSPITAL

Just renovated! Pets welcome!

Walk To Center City! $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 GRADUATE HOSPITAL

City Paper reaches over 89,000 people who plan to buy a home in the next 2 years.

City Paper reaches 115,879 people who rent apartments and homes.

The Median Home Value for City Paper readers is $270,929.

TO ADVERTISE YOUR REAL ESTATE IN CITY PAPER REACHING NEW audiences seeking NEW Apartments and Homes, contact: Robb Allison, Senior Advertising Account Manager, robb.allison@citypaper.net • 215-825-2497 (Direct)

Renovated apartment! Pets welcome! Walk to everywhere! $500’s LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 GRADUATE HOSPITAL

Walk to everything! Renovated apartment! Pets $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 UNIVERSITY CITY

1st floor apar tment, just redone! Private entrance $400’s LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 UNIVERSITY CITY

Private entrance! Just redone!

1st floor apartment $400’s LOCATORS 215-922-3400

A P R I L 2 2 - A P R I L 2 9 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

62 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

Open Floor Plan with 3 decks 1,742 Sq. ft. living space 3 large bedrooms, 2 ½ Baths Gas Fireplace, Gas Heat and Central Air Conditioning Oversized Garage plus outside parking for 2 cars Outside enclosed hot/cold shower Large yard Fully Furnished right down to the silverware

Beautiful Art Deco High-rise 1Bdrm Apt, Desk Attendant, HW Flrs, Updated Kitch, Onsite Laundry, Intercom Entry, Amazing Location!. From $1080/Mo. 215-735-8030.

Ask About Move-in Discounts!

Lic #219789.

BRIDESBURG

1 bedroom newly renovated, big closets, parking, washer/ dryer $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 BRIDESBURG

Newly renovated 1 bedroom, big closets, parking, washer/ dryer $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 GERMANTOWN

Two Bedrooms CENTER CITY

2 bedroom quiet apartment! storage, appliances, utilities paid $725 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 CENTER CITY

2 bedroom, quiet apartment! storage, appliances utilities paid $725 LOCATORS 215922-3400 CONDO FOR RENT

Old City, 2 BD, 2 BA, 2 Fireplaces, Courtyard, W/D, AC 1 person $1450, 2 people $1650: call 267-319-4453 EAST MT AIRY

2 bedroom negotiable lease!

Private entrance, hardwood floors, pets ok $600 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 EAST MT AIRY

Lease negotiable! 2 bedroom, private entrance, hardwood floors, pets ok $600 LOCATORS 215-922-3400 EAST MT AIRY

UNIVERSITY CITY

2 bedroom duplex, utilities paid, patio, big kitchen, pets ok $650 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 UNIVERSITY CITY

Duplex! 2 bedroom, utilities paid, patio, big kitchen, pets ok $650 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400

OVERBROOK VCT

2 bedroom Duplex, Utilities paid! No credit check! pets $625 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 OVERBROOK VCT

Duplex! 2 bedroom with utilities paid! No credit check! pets $625 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 OXFORD CIRCLE

AVENUE OF ARTS

Just $695! Great area! 2 story 3 bedroom, yard, basement.

LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 AVENUE OF THE ARTS

Great area! 3 bedroom, 2 story house, yard, basement $695 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 AVENUE OF THE ARTS

PENTHOUSE Avail! One of a kind spacious bi-level penthouse in historic Art Deco High-Rise, 3bdrms/ 3 Full Baths/ 2 half baths, 4 Lrg Terraces w/Amazing City Views, Entertainment Rm w/ Wet Bar, New Kitch w/ Granite Countertops, W/D, CA, Vaulted Ceilings, HW Flrs. Avail Sept. $4300/Mo. 215-735-8030 3 bedroom 2 stor y large house, great location! Yard $850 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 BREWERYTOWN

BREWERYTOWN

3 bedroom house, 2 story, security system, modern kitchen $800’s LOCATORS 215-922-3400 CENTER CITY

3 bedroom 2 baths 2 story house, fireplace, hardwood floors, skylights! LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 COBBS CREEK

COBBS CREEK

SOUTH PHILADELPHIA

JUNIATA

3 bedroom, 2 story, basement, covered patio, near park! $875 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 JUNIATA

Near park! 2 story 3 bedroom home, covered patio, basement $875 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 KENSINGTON

KENSINGTON

3 bedroom 2 story house, Great area! Yard, basement $695 LOCATORS 215-9223400

ROOSEVELT BLVD VCT

2 bedroom renovated apartment! near transportation, large kitchen $550 LOCATORS 215-922-3400

Pets welcome! 3 bedroom 2 story house, hardwood floors, basement, yard $750 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

AVENUE OF ARTS

2 story 3 bedroom house, air, no credit check! washer/dryer, yard $850 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

No credit check! 2 bedroom 2 story, pets $575 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

HUNTINGTON PARK

3 bedroom house, no credit check! Lease purchase $750 LOCATORS 215-922-3400

No credit check! 2 bedroom, 2 story home! $600’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 2 bedroom 2 story, no credit check, pets ok $575 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

yard, pets ok $750 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

Three+ Bedrooms

2 story 3 bedroom house, new kitchen, security system $800 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400

Fee paid! Onyl $600! Renovated 2 bedroom apartment!

LOCATORS INC 215-9223400

SOUTH PHILADELPHIA

Extremely Large Bi-level 1 Bedroom, 1 and 1/2 baths,

No credit check! Great apartment! 2 bedrooms, applaiances, near transportation $500 LOCATORS 215-922-3400

OVERBROOK PARK

MANAYUNK

NORTHERN LIBERTIES

TEMPLE

1126 C Oniel. 2 bedroom, A/C, W/D, D/W, Hardwood Floors, Intercom, Private Courtyard. One block from the Piazza $900 + Utilities.

(610) 358-0723

ROOSEVELT BLVD VCT

1 bedroom private apartment, utilities paid! Washer/dryer, hardwood floors $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

portation, appliances $500 LOCATORS INC 215-9223400

BELLA VISTA

Duplex 1 bedroom, 1st floor, near park, bring pets $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-9223400

Private 1 bedroom apartment, utilities paid! Washer/dryer, hardwood floors $500’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

C a ro l M c C o r m i c k

1 bedroom with spiral staircase! 2 fireplaces, washer/ dryer Jacuzzi! utilities paid!

LOCATORS 215-922-3400

NORTHERN LIBERTIES

MANAYUNK

609-729-8855 ext. 34 – office . 609-522-7755 – fax 2 1 5 - 4 9 8 - 1 3 8 4 – c e l l . c a r o l m @ d o n m a r t i n re a l t y. c o m

RITTENHOUSE SQUARE

RITTENHOUSE SQUARE

15TH/SPRUCE

• • • • • • • •

Utilities paid! Spiral stairs! 2 fireplaces, Jacuzzi in this 1 bedroom! LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

Studio/ Efficiency

One Bedroom

Absolute Turn-key ready with a very open floor plan.

Just right for the big family. Asking $435,000 (Also available for rent.)

RITTENHOUSE SQ

Negotiable lease! 2 bedroom apartment, hardwood floors, pets $600 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

Lovely Studio in Beautiful Brownstone, Block to Rittenhouse Sq, New Kitchen, HW Flrs, Onsite Laundry, Intercom Entry. Ask About Move-in Discounts! $875/Mo. 215-7358030. # 216850

118 East Chestnut Avenue, North Wildwood, NJ 08260

W/D, Hardwood Floors, eat in kitchen, high ceilings, private back yard with overlooking deck... $975 + utilities. 856 985-8357

Only $850! No credit check!

2 story 3 bedroom house, air, washer/dryer, yard! LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 EAST OAK LANE VCT

3 bedroom 2 bath, patio, walk in closets! Pets ok $800 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 FRANKFORD

2 story 3 bedroom house, no credit check! Pets ok $750 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

No credit check! Lease purchase! 3 bedroom house $750 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 LOGAN

2 story renovated house 3 bedrooms, great yard, near trans $700’s LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 MAYFAIR

3 bedroom, 2 story house!

Lease purchase & own it!

Patio, pets $725 LOCATORS 215-922-3400 MAYFAIR

Lease purchase & Own it! 3 bedroom, 2 story house, patio, pets $725 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 OVERBROOK VCT

3 bedroom 2 story house, fenced yard, No credit check $600’s LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 OVERBROOK VCT

No credit check! 3 bedroom, 2 story house, fenced yard $600’s LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 PENNYPACK PARK

2 story, 3 bedroom, yard, parking, pets ok $800 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400 PENNYPACK PARK

3 bedroom 2 story, pets welcome, parking, yard $800’s LOCATORS INC 215-9223400 RICHMOND

3 bedroom, 2 story, basement, patio, yard, no credit check! $800 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 RICHMOND

No credit check! 3 bedroom 2 story, basement, patio, yard $800 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 SOUTHWEST PHILADELPHIA

3 bedroom lease purchase!

No credit check! Garage $750 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400 SOUTHWEST PHILADELPHIA

Lease purchase! No credit check! 3 bedroom, garage $750 LOCATORS 215-9223400 WEST OAK LANE VCT

3 bedroom 2 bath, patio, walk in closet! pets ok $800 LOCATORS 215-922-3400 ZOO AREA

renovated apartment! 2 bedrooms, near transportation, large kitchen $550 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

GERMANTOWN

3 bedroom 2 story house, new kitchen! Deck, $600 LOCATORS INC 215-922-3400

3 bedroom 2 story house, Fee paid! Patio, yard, washer/dryer $800 LOCATORS INC 215922-3400

TEMPLE

HUNTINGTON PARK

ZOO AREA

2 bedroom great apartment!

No credit check! Near trans-

3 bedroom 2 story house, hardwood floors, basement,

Fee paid! 3 bedroom 2 story house, patio, yard, washer/

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