Philadelphia City Paper, November 25th, 2010 by Philadelphia City Paper

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cpstaff We made this

rgaicr Let the feeding frenzy begin. Food news, recipes, menu exclusives

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Publisher Paul Curci Associate Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Brian Howard Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Isaiah Thompson Associate Editor and Web Editor Drew Lazor Arts & Movies Editor/Copy Chief Carolyn Huckabay Editorial Assistant Josh Middleton Contributing Writer Holly Otterbein Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributing Editors Sam Adams, E. James Beale (sports) Contributors A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Julia Askenase, Justin Bauer, Dwayne Booth, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Charles Cieri, Mark Cofta, Will Dean, Jesse Delaney, Jakob Dorof, Deesha Dyer, Adam Erace, David Faris, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Lauren F. Friedman, Cindy Fuchs, Ptah Gabrie, Julia Harte, Dan Hirschhorn, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Gair Marking, Robert McCormick, Natalie Hope McDonald, Andrew Milner, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Robin Rice, James Saul, Daniel Schwartz, Yowei Shaw, Jon Solomon, Amy Strauss, Matt Stroud, Andrew Thompson, Tom Tomorrow, Sam Tremble, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Bruce Walsh, Julia West, Kelly White Editorial Interns Caitlin Durkin, Stephanie Johnson, Sean Kearney, Joel Maison-Gaines, Juliana Reyes, Eric Schuman, Laura Weber, Daniella Wexler Webmaster Dafan Zhang Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Systems Administrator John Tarng Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Editorial Designer Allie Rossignol Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Designer Alyssa Grenning Contributing Photographers Michael M. Koehler, Jessica Kourkounis, Michael T. Regan, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Dwayne Booth, Jeffrey Bouchard, Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Accounts Receivable Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Advertising Director Eileen Pursley (ext. 257) Senior Account Managers Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Business Development Manager Ruth Constantine (ext. 215) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), William Newns (ext. 237), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel citypaper.net 123 Chestnut Street, Third Floor, Phila., PA 19106. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-7358444 ext. 241, Listings Fax 215-875-1800, Classified Ads 215-248-CITY, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright ÂŠ 2010, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public. LETTERS & SUBMISSIONS Letters should be brief and are subject to editing. Authors must sign their name for publication and each must contain an address and telephone number for verification, although neither address nor telephone number will be published. Unsolicited submissions are welcome but must be accompanied with a SASE if return is desired.

contents Toss me the funny pages

Naked City ...................................................................................6 Comics Issue ..........................................................................10 Agenda........................................................................................27 Food & Drink ...........................................................................34 COVER ILLUSTRATION BY BOX BROWN

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EVAN M. LOPEZ

AMILLIONSTORIES

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Now with bylines

ohn Hanger, secretary of the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection, has not exactly been the

darling of the burgeoning grass-roots resistance to gas drilling in Pennsylvania’s Marcellus Shale. Among the things not helping his cred with activists: his presiding over the establishment in just two years of thousands of new wells statewide, his personal belief (if you ask him) that Marcellus Shale gas is a crucial part of America’s energy future, and his less-than-glamorous cameo in the documentary Gasland (in which, when presented with a jug of water contaminated from drilling in Dimock, Pa., he abruptly walked off-camera). Still, even his fiercest critics might want to reconsider the guy. Over the last year, Hanger has ushered through a series of new regulations aimed at curtailing possible impacts of drilling. He’s beefed up the number of inspectors who oversee drilling. He’s demanded that Cabot Oil & Gas, which he says is responsible for Dimock’s contaminated water, pay to pipe in clean water. Now, in the wake of Gov.-elect Tom Corbett’s victory, he’s come out swinging. Last week, Hanger publicly challenged Corbett, whose campaign received more than $1 million in funding from the gas industry, to promise that the DEP would remain an independent watchdog under his leadership. Corbett had previously declared that he would “direct the [DEP] to serve as a partner” with the industry. Corbett

responded by calling Hanger “a sore loser.” A call to Hanger’s office on Friday was returned (almost instantaneously) by the secretary himself, more than ready to share his latest concerns over the incoming governor. “Hopefully, the governor would come forward and say, ‘Of course DEP will be an independent watchdog,’” he told CP. “But he still hasn’t done that.” What’s more, Hanger says he’s disturbed by the governor-elect’s declaration, within hours of an executive order by Rendell banning further leasing of state forest for drilling, that he would reverse it. “He never bothered to look at the professional data, never bothered to consult [state forest tsar] Secretary [John] Quigley … He just said, ‘I’m gonna reverse it, regardless of what the scientific data shows.’” And then there’s Corbett’s stark opposition to taxing the industry: “He will be the only governor in the United States to oppose a drilling tax — Gov. Palin didn’t ... in fact she raised it; [Texas] Gov. Perry doesn’t oppose a tax; [Louisiana] Gov. Jindal doesn’t oppose a tax. … [Corbett] stands alone.” Hanger, almost certainly on his way out, isn’t pulling punches. Indeed, not 10 minutes after getting off the phone, Hanger called back. “A majority of House Republicans voted for a moratorium on further leasing of state forests,” he told CP’s answering machine. “That’s another indication of how frankly extreme the governorelect’s position is.”

It all began with a number: four. In the wake of a disconcerting pistolwhipping and robbery outside of SugarHouse Casino — following close on the heels of an incident in which a casino patron was followed home and also pistol-whipped — the Inquirer took a hard look at security in and around the facility, in an article titled “Robbery in SugarHouse Lot Defeated Tight Security.” As the headline might suggest, the Inquirer found the casino to have substantial security: “SugarHouse Casino might be one of the most thoroughly policed areas in the city,” the daily wrote, noting that more than 500 cameras keep an eye on the casino, as well as many security officers, local police, state troopers and gaming officials. And then there was that number: since opening on Sept. 23, wrote the Inky, there have been four reported crimes at the facility: not, one might argue, so bad. But CP found otherwise. According to data provided by the Police Department, police have recorded 22 crimes — not four — at SugarHouse from opening day to Nov.

—Isaiah Thompson

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Not ten minutes later, Hanger called back.

LOW-BALLIN’

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✚ A Million Stories <<< continued from previous page

14. That includes three reports of theft from cars, two reports of theft that occurred elsewhere, one report of fraudulent conversion, three reports of private-property vandalism, two DUIs, four reports of disorderly conduct and six reports of trespassing. The Inquirer, to CP’s knowledge, has not explained or clarified how it came to its (significantly) lower number. But in the meantime, CP has come across an even larger figure: New Police Department statistics obtained by CP show that cops have been called to SugarHouse a total of 203 times since Sept. 23 — sometimes, no doubt, to no purpose, but … that’s a lot of man-hours, no? Is the casino itself, as some economists and casino opponents argue, attracting more crime? The data is just starting to come in — except when it isn’t. —Holly Otterbein

STENCHY TRENCH The smell at 924 Cherry St. began the Wednesday before last, and in the ensuing days, it got worse. Jazmin Idakaar, a research associate at Design Science — a consulting firm on the building’s fifth floor — described the odor the following Monday as being “like a really horrific chemical.” Others compared the scent to rubber cement, paint thinner and Magic Marker. It was most pungent, mysteriously, in the elevator shaft, which research associate Joshua Evans described as being like “a trap.” Some employees left the office to work at home. Those who stayed

bundled up and opened every window possible. Meanwhile, they took action, repeatedly calling the city’s Water Department (PWD), which, just days before the stench appeared, had posted a notice on the building’s door alerting occupants that a “trenchless method of sewer rehabilitation” was under way and that they could expect “a glue-like odor.” According to PWD, similar work is being done on three other nearby streets through February. A quick Internet search by CP revealed an occurrence in Alexandria, Va., where, as The Washington Post reported in 2004, an apparently similar (and, the article notes, less-expensive) method of sewer repair might have resulted in an onslaught of complaints by nearby residents of “toxic fumes” that left some sick. The culprit? Styrene vapor, a common byproduct of “trenchless” sewer work. According to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), being exposed to enough styrene vapor can cause nausea, dizziness, fatigue and eye irritation, and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) warns that exposure above certain limits would violate its safety guidelines. So how much styrene were the workers of Design Science breathing? No one seems to know — not even PWD. “As far as I know, we’re not using dangerous levels of styrene,” said PWD spokesman John DiGiulio, adding that PWD has received complaints only from Design Science employees. Had PWD actually tested the Cherry Street building? “We cannot confirm whether or not the building was tested,” answered Laura Copeland, another PWD spokesperson the next day, adding, somewhat cryptically, “There is no reason for concern.” —Juliana Reyes

theotherwhitemeat ³ clowncrack.com

thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ - 2 ] The Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board

gives Foxwoods Casino investors yet another chance to defend their license — but the board warns it’s the last time. “Free drink?” asks Foxwoods.

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[ is high on rubber cement ]

[ - 5 ] City Council President Anna Verna says the

consultants studying DROP are too busy to meet with her, ensuring that any changes to the program likely won’t happen this year. “I have no clout with these guys,” says Verna. “Consultants. Am I right, people?”

[ - 1 ] Gov.-elect Tom Corbett will attend the Penn-

sylvania Society dinner this December, where one-third of the attendees hold million-dollar state contracts. And the other two-thirds hope to.

[0]

West Chester’s county commissioners vote to regain control over the courthouse’s holiday displays, which allowed atheists’ signs without question. We’re gonna miss the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the manger.

[0]

Come January, Gov. Ed Rendell will drive a car for the first time in almost 30 years. “Now where did I park my Duster?”

[ + 1 ] A state commission approves regulations

[ + 3 ] A time capsule near the Spectrum is opened during its demolition. And out pops Orest Kindrachuk, good as new.

[ - 1 ] An animal-rights group files a lawsuit over

the alleged mistreatment of elephants at the Philadelphia Zoo. “WACH MEE PIK UP PENUT WIF MY NOSE,” says star witness Dulary. “WACH MEE GO PEE FOR LIK 15 MINUTS IN A RO. HAY ANYBUDDY WANT MY TUKSKS? COM GET EM!!!”

[ + 1 ] For a Center City store opening, Mayor

Michael Nutter covers “Rappers Delight” with DJ Jazzy Jeff. And you know the party’s over when the mayor’s doing the Carlton.

[ + 1 ] The SS United States preservation group

offers to move the ship near the proposed site of Foxwoods Casino, and fill it with gaming floors, restaurants and a museum. And ghosts. So many ghosts.

MR. FISH

This week’s total: -3 | Last week’s total: 7

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on Marcellus Shale drilling requiring companies to disclose the chemicals they use. “Bullshit,” coughs drillers.

A Petition has been filed asking the Court to put an end to all rights you have to your child, BABY BOY FITZGERALD, a Minor a/k/a ZACHARY MORGAN REED. The Court has set a hearing to consider ending your rights to your child. That hearing will be held at the date, place and time set forth below. You are warned that even if you fail to appear at the scheduled hearing, the hearing will go on without you and your rights to your child may be ended by the Court without your being present. You have a right to be represented at the hearing by a lawyer. You should take this paper to your lawyer at once. If you do not have a lawyer or cannot afford one, go to or telephone the office set forth below to find out where you can get legal help.

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NOTICE UNDER SECTION 2513(b) OF THE ADOPTION ACT TO: Gregory Whichard

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IN THE COURT OF COMMON PLEAS OF PHILADELPHIA COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA FAMILY COURT DIVISION ADOPTION BRANCH IN RE:: ADOPTION OF : BABY BOY FITZGERALD, a Minor NO.: CP-51-AP-0000067-2010 a/k/a Zachary Morgan Reed : (Date of Birth; May 28, 2010v :

Time of Hearing: 12:00 P.M. Date of Hearing: Wednesday, December 22, 2010 Location of Hearing: Philadelphia Family Court 1801 Vine Street Third Floor. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Courtroom â&#x20AC;&#x153;0â&#x20AC;? PHILADELPHIA BAR ASSOCIATION LAWYER REFERRAL & INFORMATION SERVICE 1101 MARKET STREET, 11TH FLOOR PHILADELPHIA, PA 19107 (215) 238-6333

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The Rock School for Dance Education presents

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Philadelphia's Children's Nutcracker

december 11 & 12

The Merriam Theater

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at the University of the Arts

at the Haverford School

tickets start at $10

tickets start at $15

call (215) 893-1999

call (610) 431-4321

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

³ WITH THANKSGIVING, THE season for old

friends — to say nothing of hard sour drinking, the bittersweet use of coke for the first time in a year, and deep regret — begins. Embrace it. That’s what Icepack will do in the coming weeks. First ol’ pal on our list: Philly pop genius Bill Ricchini.That’s right — genius. Sleigh bell-ringing efforts (2002’s Ordinary Time, 2005’s Tonight I Burn Brightly) are uniquely ripe with Phil Spector and Brian Wilson touches, immensely passionate in their smartly literate lyricism, and feature pretty goils on their sleeve. Where’d Bill go after ’05? “I tried to live the straight life but it didn’t take,” says Ricchini. “I spent my Saturdays at Home Depot and bought a Crock-Pot. But I had more songs in me.” Yay. Those are the Baroque chamber torch tunes of his band, Summer Fiction,and its eponymous album that’ll drop the day he plays Johnny Brenda’s, Dec. 1. “Summer Fiction follows the story of a young girl coming of age told from the point of view of the heartbroken guys who fall for her. There’s no better subject for a pop song than a pretty girl. Even better, a pretty girl who makes graves.” Plus, it’s as good as his previous CDs. Good to have you back, ol’ buddy. (For more on the show, see Agenda, starting on p. 27.) ³ After hearing rumors about the sale of his swanky space, Walnut Street’s Rum Bar, lessee Adam Kanter says he spoke with landlord Michael Singer and no one’s going anywhere. “We’re here to stay for some time,” says Kanter. Yellow Birds for my friends. ³ I laughed and cried when I saw Jersey Boys, yup. Now it’s your time to sob (and spend) when you hear “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” when Four Seasons Hotel, the Jersey Boys cast and Lisa Gaudio, daughter of Four Seasons non-hotel songwriter/member Bob Gaudio, unite for a concert/auction to benefit Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS Nov. 29. A live auction of Frankie Valli and co. memorabilia is hosted by Jerry Blavat.Go already. ³ Live Arts/Fringe Fest 2011 good news/bad news: Good? LAFF co-commissioned (with Phila Theater Initiative) a new work from the U.K.’s Improbable Theatre with The Devil and Mister Punch. Sad stuff? Fringe booker John Emory (of Badmaster Records fame) left his post for “bigger things,” according to Fest honchos. ³ Bring on Parc bartender George Reilly’s Twisted Tail, a blues/bourbon saloon intended to hit ye olde Kildare’s space on Second off South, mid-2011. ³ The Kimmel plays host to DJ Rahsaan Nov. 26 at 5:30 p.m. for its Fania Records party, a big deal as the long-independent Latin label (home of Celia Cruz,Hector Lavoe,Willia Colon) is back in action, remastering its catalog ’n’ all. ³ More Ice, in cube form at citypaper.net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

DEERLY BELOVED: Three would-be heroes (clockwise from top left: Dave Johnson, Bradley Wrenn and Justin Jain) battle the villainous Xmas in The Berserker Residents’ family-friendly The Very Merry Xmas Carol Holiday Adventure Show. DAN PLEHAL

[ holiday theater ]

PLAYBILLS RING, ARE YOU LISTENING? A winter wonderland of theater, from Dickens to Sedaris and beyond. By Mark Cofta

oliday theater may start inevitably with A Christmas Carol, but it certainly doesn’t have to end there. If Scrooge is what you’re after, the Charles Dickens classic plays in various forms all over the area, most notably in family-friendly adaptations at the Walnut Street and Hedgerow theatres, but also as a musical, Scrooged, at New Jersey’s Ritz Theatre. My favorite — especially for adults — is Jared Reed’s one-man interpretation, ironically re-titled (given that it’s the most faithful to Dickens) A Dickens Christmas, also playing at Hedgerow. Beyond Dickens, December theater falls into two broad categories: shows that celebrate or satirize Christmas, and those that barely reference it at all. Foremost among the former must be the Walnut Street’s mainstage production of Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. The title song alone sells the show, but those who recall the 1954 Bing Crosby/Danny Kaye film (if not, catch its 97,000 cable broadcasts this season) know it’s not only a cute love story, but a tearjerker about friendship and loyalty. While the world waits for a new take on Christmas that works as well as It’s a Wonderful Life (strangely absent from stages this

season), lots of shows provide holiday humor. Flashpoint Theatre Co. brings back David Sedaris’ The Santaland Diaries, starring Derick Loafmann as Crumpet, a cranky Macy’s elf. Theatre Horizon and Fringe Festival maniacs The Berserker Residents première a family-friendly creation, The Very Merry Xmas Carol Holiday Adventure Show, about a trio of would-be heroes (snowman, rednosed reindeer and London-town gent) battling the villainous Xmas, who threatens to devour all Christmas tales and the very spirit of the holiday itself. Frankford’s Walking Fish Theatre also features a new work, A Fractured Christmas Carol, created collaboratively by professional actors and young performers. The show is directed by Michelle Pauls, who helmed the Fish’s Barrymore Awardwinning educational production, Of Mythic Proportions. Foremost among the shows not referencing yuletide glee is People’s Light & Theatre Co.’s seventh annual panto, The Three Musketeers (The Later Years), written by Kathryn Petersen, directed by Peter Pryor, with music and lyrics by Michael Ogborn. PLTC’s unique form of the traditional British panto features songs, silliness, lots of audience participation and a great cast — Pryor as the villain, Mark Lazar as Queen Agnes of Malvaria and Barrymore Award-winner Kim Carson. The Arden Theatre Co.’s annual children’s play brings Mary Norton’s beloved novels The Borrowers, about tiny people living under a family’s floorboards, to the stage in Charles Way’s adaptation, directed by Whit MacLaughlin and starring Bi Jean Ngo.

If Scrooge is what you’re after, head to Hedgerow.

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Between Heaven and Hell: The Anthony Lawton Festival Âł Dec. 3-19, $25-$35, Lantern

Theater Co., 923 Ludlow St., 215-829-0395, lanterntheater.org. The Borrowers Âł Dec. 1-Jan. 30, $16-$32, Arden Theatre Co., 40 N. Second St., 215-9221122, ardentheatre.org. Caesarâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Palace Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Fun Âł Nov. 23-Jan. 2, $30, Walnut Street Theatre, 825 Walnut St., 215-5743550, walnutstreettheatre.org. A Christmas Carol Âł Dec. 4-18, $12-$14,

Walnut Street Theatre. A Christmas Carol Âł Dec. 3-26, $20-$25,

Hedgerow Theatre, 64 Rose Valley Road, Media, 610-565-4211, hedgerowtheatre.org.

A Fractured Christmas Carol Âł Dec. 11-30, $5-$8,

Walking Fish Theatre, 2509 Frankford Ave., 215-427-9255, walkingfishtheatre.com. Miss Witherspoon Âł Dec. 9Jan. 9, $20-$22, New City Stage Co. at the Adrienne, 215-5637500, newcitystage.org. Raw Onion: Winter Onionland Âł Dec. 5 at 6, 8 and 10 p.m., $20, Idiopathic Ridiculopathy Consortium, Lâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Etage, 624 S. Sixth St., 215285-0472, idiopathicridiculopathyconsortium.org.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everything you want; a few things you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t.â&#x20AC;? Santa Claus Is Coming Out

Âł Nov. 27-28, $20, Mill Hill

Playhouse, 205 E. Front St., Trenton, N.J., 609-392-0766, passagetheatre.org. The Santaland Diaries Âł

Dec. 1-19, $10-$20, Flashpoint Theatre Co., Second Stage at the Adrienne, 215-665-9720, flashpointtheatre.org. Scrooged Âł Dec. 9-19, $15$18, The Ritz Theatre, 915 White Horse Pike, Oaklyn, N.J., 856858-5230, ritztheatreco.org.

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The Three Musketeers (The Later Years) Âł Through Jan. 9, $35-$45, Peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Light & Theatre Co., 39 Conestoga Road, Malvern, 610-644-3500, peopleslight.org. The Very Merry Xmas Carol Holiday Adventure Show

Âł Dec. 9-31, $22-$37, Centre

Theatre, 208 DeKalb St., Norristown, 610-283-2230, theatrehorizon.org. White Christmas Âł Through

Jan. 9, $65-$130, Walnut Street Theatre.

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A Dickens Christmas Âł Nov. 26-Dec. 12, $20-

Amaryllis Theatre Co. at the Adrienne, 215-564-2431, amaryllistheatre.org.

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Bare-Knuckle Burlesque Âł Dec. 11, $10, Tribe of Fools at the Adrienne, 2030 Sansom St., 215284-1178, tribeoffools.org.

Dublin Carol Âł Dec. 8-19, $10,

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Âł MAKINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; A LIST

$25, Hedgerow Theatre.

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Back at the busy Walnut Street Theatre, in the Independence Studio on 3, is another great cast in the premiĂ¨re of Frank Ferranteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s musical Caesarâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Palace Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Fun, which has nothing to do with casinos, emperors or salads; Caesar is Ferranteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stage alter ego, notorious in San Francisco and Seattle from his cirque show Teatro ZinZanni. Barrymore Award-winner Jennie Eisenhower co-stars. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be fooled by the title Dublin Carol ; Conor McPhersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s December-set drama, receiving its area premiĂ¨re from Amaryllis Theatre Co., is set in a funeral home and is reminiscent of his spooky The Weir. New City Stage Co. begins a three-play season examining suicide among women with the Philadelphia premiĂ¨re of Christopher Durangâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dark comedy Miss Witherspoon, featuring the always-mesmerizing Julie Czarnecki in the title role as a suicide lost in the afterlife. Several short runs deserve mention, too: At Trentonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Passage Theatre, Jeffrey Solomon performs his one-man comedy Santa Claus Is Coming Out, Nov. 27 and 28. The Idiopathic Ridiculopathy Consortium again teams with satirical news source The Onion for a new Raw Onion installment of monologues, Winter Onionland, for three performances on Dec. 5. On Dec. 11, physical theater performers Tribe of Fools present their Christmas cabaret, Bare-Knuckle Burlesque, billed as â&#x20AC;&#x153;everything you want in a burlesque show and probably a few things that you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t.â&#x20AC;? Finally, Lantern Theater Co. gives the gift of Anthony Lawton in Between Heaven and Hell, three of his terrific one-man shows in repertory: C.S. Lewisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; The Great Divorce, Shel Silversteinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s The Devil and Billy Markham and the accomplished actorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own Heresy, detailing his teenage struggles to reconcile his strict Catholicism with his redblooded-American-male urges. For all whose holidays need an extra dose of religion and/or sex. (m_cofta@citypaper.net)

[ arts & entertainment ]

the naked city | feature

â&#x153;&#x161; Playbills Ring, Are You Listening?

feature | the naked city a&e

20 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

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classifieds | food | the agenda

[ rock/psych/folk ]

[ arts & entertainment ]

THE WORLD IS A VAMPIRE Aunt Dracula returns to Philly with visions of a dark, demented future. By A.D. Amorosi ast year, Philly band Aunt Dracula announced it was moving to California to find fortune, fame and any and all weirdness. Farewell gigs were booked, and all you could think was how the good ones always leave to make the most out of what they got. So what the hell is Scott Daly doing in Philly with a new Aunt Dracula, playing a massive post-Thanksgiving show at Johnny Brenda’s? “We never ended up actually moving to L.A.,” laughs Daly. “However, we did total our van on the 101 in Los Angeles on the way to a gig.” No one was hurt during the crash, but one man’s highway horror is another’s prosaic revelation. Daly went back to school in Philadelphia and put together a five-piece band (previous incarnations were of the duo and trio variety). “I started writing the songs for Aunt Dracula back in 2005 at a practice space out by 69th Street, but we didn’t play our first show until 2007,” says Daly. “I grew up listening to and loving the kinds of records that seemed to be magical.” Aunt Dracula Mach 1 wanted to be a magical band, one that could exist comfortably outside the box, avant-garde yet still be fun and exciting to listen to. The band’s debut, Face Peel, had a campy horror-film lilt to its melodies and a sandblasted psychedelic edge to its guitars, while the rhythms tinkled with a Brazilian kick. Their oddball characterstrewn lyrics and scale-shifting vocal arrangements made them more dramatic still. “It’s a 45-minute episodic sonic exploration of the connection

Aunt Dracula

between beauty and darkness,” Daly said at the time. “Some of it came from a pretty strange place in my life. I guess to me, it’s kinda the sound of death and rebirth, if that makes sense.” It made some sense, but Aunt Dracula’s unflinching eccentricity and mystery surely kept some audiences at bay. Take “Evo Tito,” which breaks down from its metal machine roots to borrow the melody from Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right.” This Aunt Dracula wants you to like them. The increased membership was intended to give the live show a full, lustrous sound, even on the old tunes. The new album they’re presently recording with Jeff Ziegler (of local shoe-gazers Relay) is still psychedelic, but in a whole different way than Face Peel. “These new ones go further. But the roads

“It’s kinda the sound of death and rebirth, if that makes sense.”

that they take to get there are a little more familiar. They explore melody in a more symphonic way. More psychedelic, but also more accessible.” In particular Daly wants audiences to listen up for new songs such as “Mummy Dust” and “The Beach Song.” “They are definitely something different than anything we’ve done before,” he claims. “‘Mummy Dust’ is like a dark pop hit that Marty McFly might have heard if he turned on the radio when he went back to the wrong 1985 in Back to the Future 2, you know, when Biff stole the sports almanac and everyone was buggin’.” (a_amorosi@citypaper.net) ✚ Sat., Nov. 27, 9 p.m., $10, with Soars, Johnny

Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877-435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.

More on:

citypaper.net ✚ CHECK OUT MORE CONTINUING MOVIE SHORTS AND REPERTORY F I L M L I S T I N G S AT C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / R E P F I L M .

“A MEMORABLE THRILL RIDE.” “

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[ movie shorts ]

Arrebato: Documents/ Itinerar-

Ben Ben Lyons, Lyons, E! E!

26 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

the tales he told him as a kid. And there’s not a Johnny Depp in sight. Mon., Nov. 29, 7 p.m., free.

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the agenda

[ get ya face melting ]

the naked city | feature | a&e

agenda

the

food | classifieds

HISTORY IN THE MAKING: Mural in historic Filipinotown, Los Angeles, Calif., by Eliseo Silva. From the exhibit “Singgalot: The Ties That Bind” at Drexel Intercultural Center through Jan. 15. COURTESY OF FILIPINAS MAGAZINE

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/listings.

WEDNESDAY

11.24 [ traveling exhibit ]

✚ SINGGALOT: THE TIES THAT BIND So you know that Manny Pacquiao is Filipino, but what about Cristeta Comerford, the first female White House

—Juliana Reyes

drexel.edu/univrel/drexelcollection/ exhibitions.asp.

[ dj nights ]

✚ BORGORE: DUB NATION Thanksgiving eve is one of the biggest party nights of the year, and there’re plenty of late-night bangers goin’ down in Philly to prove it. After debuting last month, Dub Nation is back with another 18-and-up event. Israel’s Borgore has been tearing it up the past year, gaining a strong following with his brutal basslines and overthe-top lyrics. This will be his first proper Philly appearance (he played an underground warehouse last year), and he’s sure to whip the audience into a frenzy. Backed up by a strong and diverse lineup of local talent, and Starlight’s sick sound system, this is a party sure to get ya insides rattling and ya face melting. —Gair Marking

Through Jan. 15, free, Drexel Intercultural Center, 30 S. 33rd St.,

Wed., Nov. 24, 9 p.m., $15-$20, Starlight

Ballroom, 460 N. Ninth St., steezpromo. com. For all your DJ Nights, visit citypaper.net/djnights.

[ drawing/sculpture ]

✚ NAKED BEN FRANKLIN I may never understand artists’ preoccupation with nudity, but they all seem to love it. Ryan Mulligan, for example. His latest show is as odd as its title implies: Mulligan uses his drawings and sculptures to simultaneously depict and offer solutions to problems. Paintings spill off the canvas to occupy entire walls, and Mulligan’s whimsically childlike style imbues confused innocence to depictions of weapons and sex toys. In addition to culling memories from his youth, Mulligan injects his versions of recognizable products and landmarks to cater to our pop culture-saturated society. Found objects such as Rubik’s cubes and cereal boxes are also found scattered throughout

Mulligan’s prismatic space. Though not grotesque, the drawings of people evoke a forgotten corner of a major city. And yes, there is a topless drawing of Ben Franklin in there, but Mulligan mercifully stops before we find too much of the founding father. —Eric Schuman Through Dec. 4, free, Pterodactyl, 3237 Amber St., 215-501-7158, pterodactylphiladelphia.org.

mind. Many were specifically made to not look like cameras, leading to some truly inspired techniques in making sure they still work properly. Think of it as a study in the collision of form and function. —Eric Schuman Through Dec. 29, free, Free Library, Central Branch, 1901 Vine St., 215686-5403, freelibrary.org.

[ rock/pop ]

[ photography ]

✚ BARDO POND

✚ THE ART OF CAMERAS

When a band releases an eponymous album this deep into its career, what’s it mean? They’ve run out of ideas? They’ve perfected their sound? They realize that the longplayer format is arbitrary and that all their music is just an extension of themselves so why bugger about with such nomenclaturely contrivances? Bardo Pond, the Philly psychsonic expansionists’ eighth studio album and first for Fire Records, smacks of that creating-on-the-razor’s-edge

Before they were integrated into your phone, cameras were seen as works of art, and local enthusiast Tom Holtje has amassed a collection to prove it. From the intricately artistic to the gaudy and kitschy, cameras were sometimes fabricated by noted designers or released as promotional items for companies, while others were crafted with smaller, more personal expression in

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | N O V E M B E R 2 5 - D E C E M B E R 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED:

Submit information by mail (City Paper Listings, 123 Chestnut St., Third Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19106) or e-mail (listings@ citypaper.net) to Josh Middleton. Details of the event — date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price — should be included. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

executive chef? Or the 7,000 Filipino-Americans who fought in World War II? In an effort to broaden the Philippine cultural knowledge of both FilipinoAmericans and non-Filipinos alike, Drexel University is hosting the Smithsonian traveling exhibit “Singgalot: The Ties That Bind.” Using almost 100 images and historical documents, the exhibit will trace the history of Filipinos in America and celebrate Filipino achievements in the arts, literature, sports and the health-care industry. The student initiative behind the exhibit is a testament to Philippine pride itself: After students in Drexel’s Filipino Intercultural Society found out about the exhibit, they pitched it to Drexel board member Judge Ida K. Chen and are playing an integral role by volunteering to monitor the exhibit during its entire run at the Intercultural Center.

NOVEMBER 24

NOVEMBER 27

DECEMBER 4

DECEMBER 10

DECEMBER 29

DECEMBER 31

JANUARY 1

JANUARY 8

JANUARY 15

2.11

JIMMY EAT WORLD

4.01

G-UNIT COMEDY TOUR

with David Bazan & Band

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Management reserves the right to change or cancel this event at any time without notice. Must be 21 or older to gamble, enter and remain in a New Jersey casino or participate in any Showboat promotion. Know When To Stop Before You Start.ÂŽ Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. ÂŠ2010, Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s License Company, LLC.

NEAL SANTOS

Sat., Nov. 27, 8 p.m. (pre-concert chat with Gene Shay, 6:45 p.m., $10), $28.50, Appel Farm Arts and Music Center, 457 Shirley Road, Elmer, N.J., 800-3948478, appelfarm.org.

SUNDAY

11.28 [ soul/funk ]

✚ BILAL While this Germantown soul

to a decade in major label limbo, it’s about time the man got his just desserts. Lucky for us they turn out to sound this sweet. —K. Ross Hoffman Sun., Nov. 28, 8 p.m., $25-$40, with U City, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400, worldcafelive.com.

12.01 [ rock/pop/folk ]

✚ SUMMER FICTION If you went to club shows in Philadelphia during the early aughts, chances are you saw Bill Ricchini once or twice. You just might not recall it. The singer-guitarist had a knack for understatement, both in his wistful songwriting and his placid onstage demeanor. You probably dug his music, but maybe wanted him to break loose a little more. That’s exactly what happens on the selftitled debut from his new band Summer Fiction, celebrating its record release at Johnny Brenda’s on Wednesday. Back in Philly from an extended sojourn in New York City, and teamed up with old scene friends Brian Christinzio (BC Camplight), Dave Hartley (War on Drugs) and Eliza Jones (Buried Beds), his new music at once feels warmly fa-

miliar and vastly exploratory. In between the ’70s troubadour stylings championed by the Ricchini of yore are detours into strummy island harmonies (the Dirty Projectors-ish “Kids in Catalina”), ’50s dancefloor flashbacks (the very BC “Chandeliers”), numerous waltzes, horns and aural long shots of surf washing in on the beach, then drifting softly away. It’s a rich, eclectic assortment of summertime pop for wintery moods.

food | classifieds

—Mary Armstrong

[ the agenda ]

WEDNESDAY

the agenda

Christmas collection that is just right for those who hate holiday music, complete with his trademark scat-on-speed.

brother’s return won’t garner attention on the level of ballyhooed recent comebacks from his erstwhile neo-soul peers Maxwell and Erykah Badu, Airtight’s Revenge (Plug Research) is at least as overdue and, if anything, an even more powerful, masterly, richly engrossing statement. The first half of that title’s a tad misleading — this is one beautifully loose, messy bucket of futurefunky slop; as he sings (of love) on the standout “All Matter,” it’s “cool on the outside, hot in the middle” — though the revenge part is clear enough. After close

the naked city | feature | a&e

and meant it as a compliment, Hicks still swings and bops like mad. He is currently flogging a

—John Vettese Wed., Dec. 1, 9 p.m., $10, with In Grenada and Yellow Humphrey, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.

[ performance art ]

✚ LOVE, QUEENS Love, Queens Who Suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, billed as a “choreopoem” combining elements of dance, poetry and theater, monologues the trials of seven black women battling it out in what seem

This Thanksgiving start a new tradition! After the pumpkin pie has digested and the game is over, stop into Jet and let the celebration continue. We are open this Thanksgiving at 7 pm, so get in the spirit and let the holiday season take off at Jet! www.jetwinebar.com

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the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city food classifieds

foodanddrink

portioncontrol By Drew Lazor

WINE, FOR ONE

N O V E M B E R 2 5 - D E C E M B E R 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

³ SCREW-TOP WINE has been maligned by

34 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

f&d

snotty oenophiles for decades. Wait until they get a load of Vino Solo. Developed by Singlz KDM, a joint venture of Manayunk-based producer/importer KDM Global Partners (you’ve seen its Black Elk brand in state stores) and Singlz International of New Zealand,Vino Solo is a new packaging concept that combines wine glass and wine bottle into one pocket-friendly 187 ml plastic vessel. Crack the thing open, flip the flute, pour, and you’re sipping — no need for a separate glass. KDM, which does much of its business with large retail chains (they’ve developed brands for Macy’s, Marshall Field’s and 7-Eleven), hopes to integrate Vino Solo into arenas that rely heavily on the mini wine bottle, such as concert venues, convention centers, hotels and airlines. KDM president Jonathan Gelula touts the ease with which Vino Solo can be stored and dispensed as the product’s major selling point, but also stresses that the vino portion of the equation is not being glossed over. “They all have screw tops, and they’re all sub-par-type wine,” says Gelula of most other 187 ml options. “This is a convenience item, but not only are we offering a different type of packaging, we’re offering much better juice inside.” (KDM makes wine in Napa, Sonoma, Argentina, Chile and Spain.) Vino Solo, slightly depressing name notwithstanding — we’ve been jokingly referring to it as “Cat Lady Chardonnay” at my house — is steadily making headway in its very specific niche of the wine market. Gelula says Vino Solo has a retail presence in 12 states so far, and hopes to have the product on Pennsylvania Wine & Spirits shelves in early 2011. (drew.lazor@citypaper.net)

SUCKERS FOR IT: Though you might not be able to tell from PBR’s name, the Old City bar puts out some great food, like this grilled octopus and fennel plate. NEAL SANTOS

[ review ]

CANNED DO Philadelphia Bar & Restaurant is not yet blueribbon worthy. By Adam Erace PHILADELPHIA BAR & RESTAURANT (PBR) | 120 Market St., 215-925-7691, philadelphiabarandrestaurant.com. Food served Mon.Tue., 4-11:30 p.m.; Wed.-Sat., 4 p.m.-1 a.m.; Sun., 11-1 a.m. Bar till 2 a.m. nightly. Snacks, $5; appetizers, $7-$16; sandwiches, $8-$11; entrées, $14$22; desserts, $5-$7.

n Thursday mornings, the kitchen at Philadelphia Bar & Restaurant, better known (for better or worse) as PBR, smells like Gloria Borowik Maziarz’s house. On these days, her grandson More on: and PBR chef, Jordan “Red” Sauter, prepares a big batch of bigos, the traditional Polish hunter’s stew that runs on special for $14. “We flick off the hoods and breathe it in,” Sauter says. “It takes me back.” Borowik means porcini in Polish, and Sauter gives Gram her propers by including the earthy mushrooms in his Thursday blue plate. Ingredients vary village to village, but tradition dictates bigos must include white cabbage, honey, sausage and a second variety of meat, and the chef respects his old heads by incorporating all that — snappy Leidy’s kielbasa, chicken thighs, Kissling’s sauerkraut, green apples — in a malty beige broth of Yuengling, sauerkraut juices and pieds-de-cochon stock scented with caraway

citypaper.net

and marjoram. In Old City, where lots of things have dribbled down lots of chins, bigos is probably a first. Served in a hollowed Hudson Bread sourdough roll, Sauter’s bigos is soul in a bowl, but not exactly an everyday player on your typical Old City saloon lineup. Then again, PBR isn’t your typical Old City saloon, with silver maple bar-tops and ivory-paned floorto-ceiling windows; a gem-rich beer program that scored me a rare bottle of Stone Sublimely Self-Righteous Ale (yes, they also serve Pabst); and Sauter, whose presence gives this kitchen a fat dose of food-nerd cred. Sauter spent the past two years and seven months rolling fresh gemelli, grilling whole branzini and feeding turistas as the chef de cuisine at Peter McAndrews’ Modo Mio. “But it was never going to be my show,” he explained during our interview, one of the reasons he started perusing Craigslist, where MORE FOOD AND he found a post by PBR’s owners, career DRINK COVERAGE bartenders Nicolas Moore and Shawn AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / Gormley (Lucy’s Hat Shop, Drinker’s). M E A LT I C K E T. Sauter went from one kitchen to the other without taking a day off in between. “I really respect Italian food, but here I don’t need to work within those restrictions,” says Sauter, a freedom that allows the chef to amble from fish tacos to crispy calf’s tongue with smoked black pepper to the bigos and back. The irony is that some of the best things here are Modo-ish in nature. Take the grilled octopus, one of the most appetizing dishes I’ve eaten all year. The pyre of smoky, singed tentacles sang, Mediterranean sirens enchanting octo-philes with their zesty marinade of garlic, harissa and sesa>>> continued on page 35

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O N EY

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A LOVE MISSED

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This goes to my neighbor, I hate your bald-headed ass! You supposed to be a woman and I can’t stand your ass! You make me so sick! When I see you I wanna throw the fuck up or throw something at you! Why the fuck do you think that someone wants to sit back and hear your shit! I can’t stand the fact that you act like people of mixed heritage

Ok! We all can’t fit on this fucking train what is your problem pushing and shoving like a fucking animal! I hate the morning rush people they act like they don’t have any common sense and it makes me sicker each time I get on the train! It annoys me to think that I have to get off the train with you dumb ass people which some of you are doing important things at your job like payroll! I couldn’t imagine you assholes doing payroll, if you can’t even fit in the train car but trying to fit in there anyway! Who does that shit! Then a stupid ass guy the other day was leaning his skinny arm across me knowing he couldn’t and shouldn’t of held on to the side where I was standing! I think he is an asshole! Look at the logic it is like the sides a a square...it is fucking square a pentagon can’t fit in a square. Duh!

PLAIN MINDLESS

are beneath you! Hell you are a fucking foreiegn bitch that evades the census people when they come around! I wish that you would hurry up and move already! What the fuck is taking your ass so long to go back to Trinidad! You don’t like me and I don’t like you! Dam I hate you!

BYE-BYE NOW! To the ugly bitch downstairs form me! BITCH I know you got a crush on my husband but you gone have to fallback. NO you cannot borrow our fucken carpet steamer again! you got a dude, UTILIZE him. Because bitch I swear if I ever catch you having a discussion with my husband without my consent I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU ONE EVIL BITCH! I will fuck you and ya daughters up OVER

YOU. BITCH BE A WOMAN! RESPECT ME OR BE DISPESPECTED!physically!! Bye Bye now!

DON’T INSULT ME! You. Behind the counter at Eddie’s tattoo. I came in to get an idea of what my tattoo would run generally, and how difficult the design was and you were a total dick. You accused me of “price shopping” and said you wouldn’t talk to me unless I was getting the tattoo right then and there. Then your artist in the back chimed in that buying a tattoo wasn’t like “buying a pair of jeans”. Look, dummies, I may not be covered head to toe in tattoos, but I’m not some Ugg wearing princess looking for the cheapest place to get a tramp stamp; I wanted a “professional” opinion on the difficulty of the design. I grew up

So, when was your lame Sorry Sanitation of Street Department going to inform tax payers that you’re not picking up brown lawn bags? My bag was labeled TRASH, neatly packed, and less than 30 pounds. Your workers had numerous Shitty excuses on why bag was left: 1. We had a meeting and was told not to pick up bags, 2. Bag is damp at bottom and might burst, 3. Bag is tied and we don’t know what’s it (I tied it to keep people from placing their trash in bag). So, you’re telling me that you open every green plastic trash bag during pick ups, and examine contents. Do you leave green plastic bags wih holes left by stray cats and dogs, because you fear they might burst? Your reasonings for not picking up bags wouldn’t hold in court, because during summer months you clean lots overloading brown bags with feces, glass, leaves, garbage, tree limbs etc. WHAT, YOU HIRE A LEPRECHAUN TO SEPARATE LEAVES FROM TRASH? I don’t think so. So one minute you want me to save the earth, another minute you want me to use plastic and ruin it. The following day on the 500 block of North 15th Street I spotted three brown Lowe bags left homeowners, but not picked up sanitation workers. Bags were neither wet nor tied shut, however one bag was overloaded by citizen that decided to unload trash from car, and then make a quick get away. Next time Meeting of the MIndless make a decision please post in newspaper, on radio, and on news. Inform us like you do when you want us to vote for your sorry asses during election time. ✚ To place your FREE ad (100 word limit), go to citypaper.net/ILUIHU and follow the prompts. ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

You stank bitch, I saw you make that ugly face at the first biker and then me in the morning. Are you stupid? You were the one taking your sweet-ass time crossing the road while the light was red and everyone was trying to get to school and work! What, did you expect me to swerve into traffic so you could amble across the fucking street? You

Why the fuck did you try to squeeze in the back door knowing that you are a fat ass pig! Then you going to say that it smell like something on the fucking bus! That was your ass because it didn’t smell like anything until you got the fuck on! I hate the fact that some fat people try to squeeze themselves into or on something knowing they can’t fucking fit! Here’s a hint for you! If you are bigger than your primary target...don’t try to get into it! It doesn’t work! Plus think about this...how did you really think that people were going to pass through the aisles!

2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

BITCH IN THE STREET

FAT PIG BITCH

IT’S FUCKING CROWED

BAR FUCKS! Don’t call yourself a cafe when you’re the trashiest of bars. Not only are there shitty live bands until 2am on weekends, but every night the same drunken idiots scream at the top of their lungs in the parking lot at 2am. I’ve also seen several domestic abuse incidents and even some impromptu power rallies, at 2am, on a weeknight, in the parking lot. The police don’t do anything b/c of township bribery. Who are you STD laden hillbilly losers who think the height of partying is screaming in a parking lot? As soon as I can get a new house I’ll be guaranteed to get sleep on weeknights (imagine!), won’t have to escape to other people’s houses on weekends, all of my problems will be solved and my life will be perfect.

with tattoed bikers and criminals who have treated me with more decency than you pricks. Way to be unprofessional judgmental hypocrites!

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | N O V E M B E R 2 5 - D E C E M B E R

Okay, you Mother Fuckin’ Jack wagon; this one is for you! I loved you... oh, I sure did! You’re a mother fucking Mama’s boy who is over 50 years old and still lives with her! You are a freakin’ psycho on top of it. I let all that go!!! I was your first girlfriend. “Mommy Dearest” told me that you lying piece of shit! No other girlfriend who you lived with and committed suicide! THAT WAS A MAN! A biker who was gay... wanna explain that? Don’t bother I don’t give a fuck! You make me wanna puke like there’s no tomorrow!! Sickening, pathetic! There are two accurate adjectives to describe you! Right on the button actually... kudos for me you institutionalized four times sick mother fucker! You played me like a Stravarius with all your lies.. I was innocent... shame on me. No more! I ain’t that same woman anymore. I’ve learned my lesson well. Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk now, as the song goes! Why don’t you hit yourself in the head with a hammer again like you did when we lived together last year. Only this time, please don’t just knock yourself unconscious... knock yourself out for good! Do the world a favor and take all your fucking threats of committing suicide and make them come true..... bye, you asshole. Check out! Have a couple of pints of Bud before you exit too! You called yourself a functional alcoholic? You ain’t fucking functional now. You live with “Mommy” at the age of 52, and will be there till you die cause you fucking don’t know a thing about living and never will... you just can’t take care of yourself. Look back into that “group home” for disturbed individuals you talked about back in March, cause when Mother of the year croaks you are gonna need it! Have a nice life :)

BITCH NEIGHBOR

MY HUSBAND! naw bitch NOT INSECURE! just checking you bitch because I know how bitches get. And why you at it why don’t you get your nasty fucken trash can out of that hallway downstairs. I came in from work one night and I saw the mice playing hopscotch in the hallway. No wonder my cat wants to get out the door every night. Fall back shorty, Because I will BASH YOUR FUCKEN HEAD IN! Over my husband.you just lucky that the time i caught him in your door talking while you where on your couch, that I didn’t cuss you the fuck out then. My husband gave me the pitiful “please don’t embarass me” face, SO I SPARED

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Pipsqueak, you come into the gym ostensibly to do your Zumba class. We both know you’re just looking for someone like me to love. So why, then, do you never talk to me? I see you doing your dance with your little gray streak of hair, which you probably think is sexy. Well, just because it is, doesn’t negate the fact that you are an impudent strumpet! Vile thing! Small Fry! Minimus! Squirt! Why won’t you talk to me?

should be grateful we didn’t run you over and leave a tire mark on your ugly face. Next time try being smarter and then maybe you won’t have to go around with a nasty look on your face. Bye bitch!

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

[ i love you, i hate you ]

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

TASTE ME...TEASE ME!!! (T.S. EXPLOSION)

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HOT, PRETTY and REALLY YOUNG BLATINO SHEMALE with a nice attitude, light-skinned long hair, soft bubble butt, and HUNG 9.5 DICK. It’s nothing for me to strip naked present my hung thick meat..while you lick the PRE-CUM that drip from the head of my dick..loving the taste of my salty JIZZ..also you can watch my DICK grow to full erection ready to fuck your ass hard then I’ll pull out a HOT, WET, and CREAMY FACIAL ACTION! Call Dani Woodward- Northeast loc. *82-818-917-2379. !!!Incall only!!! TRANSSEXUAL ALEXIS (SOUTH PHILLY BABY!)

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44 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

N O V E M B E R 2 5 - D E C E M B E R 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

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✚ ACROSS 1 6 9 13 14 15 16 17 19 21 22 23 26 27 30 31 32 33 36 39 40 43 45 47 48 49 51 53 56 57

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✚ DOWN 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 16 18 20 23 24 25 28 29 31

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LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

C A L L 2 1 5 - 7 3 5 - 8 4 4 4 F O R A D V E R T I S I N G I N F O R M AT I O N | PLACE YOUR FREE ONLINE CLASSIFIED AD ATCITYPAPER.NET/CLASSIFIEDS C L A S S I F I E D S D E A D L I N E S Billboard Friday, 5 PM | Adult Friday, 12 PM | All Other Classified Categories Monday, 4 PM

Adoptions ADOPTION

A R E YO U P R E G N A N T ? Don’t know what to do? We have many families willing to adopt your child. Please call 1-800-745-1210, ask for Marci or Gloria. ADOPTION

A committed, financially secure couple seeks to adopt. Warm, caring home. Love to travel. Ready to provide a bright and happy future. Expenses paid. Neil and Doak, 888-492-6273. ADOPTION:

Loving couple wants to share our life and love with your newborn. Call Liz & Geoff Toll -Free: 1-866-762-7821, Email Liz_and_Geoff@comcast.net. PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION?

Public Notices GAIN NATIONAL EXPOSURE

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Business Opportunity ELECTRICITY SALES

Viridian Energy is coming to Philadelphia Peco electricity market with an exciting opportunity to sell our 20% everyday green electricity saving customers $ money on there monthly electric bill. There are no contracts or fees customer will still receive there same electric bill.Viridian also offers a great fundraising opportunity for Non for profit business see for yourself @ www.liveviridian.com.If your motivated and want to build your own business and earn passive residual income call Scott Sandoz at 1-860-8219321 or email me Scottsandoz@gmail.com please go to my corporate website www. viridian.com/scottsandoz WANTED TO BUY:

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Investments/ Financial Planning FINANCIAL

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FINANCIAL

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Business & Professional Directory PROFESSIONAL PROOFREADER

Professional Writer in need of a professional proofreader to edit my book that I am currently writing. The book is will be completed early November. You must show credentials, valid references and resume because I will check them all! I need someone that is serious and knows what to look for! I prefer a journalism major. I take my writing very serious and so should you. Please email me: writerchikita@ymail. com. (When you email me, I will give you details about the compensation)This should only take at least a weeks process of editing.

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | N O V E M B E R 2 5 - D E C E M B E R 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

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AUTOS WANTED

Pain, Reflexology, make appt. (215)-873-4835. 12th and Chestnut St.

ad the first time it runs. This newspaper can assume no responsibility for errors beyond the first printing of the incorrect ad. City Paper will not be responsible for failure to insert an advertisement. City Paper reserves the right to edit advertising copy, graphics and photos.

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331-4444. Earn extra MONEY for the holidays!!! CNAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S & HHAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S NEEDED

Hiring CNAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and HHAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s with clean criminal backgrounds for live-in. Covering Philadelphia and the Suburbs. Please contact Kim at Reliance Home Health Care 610-896-6030 EARN $10-12 PER HOUR!!

CC Call Center looking for phone actresses to handle inbound calls. 24-hour facility offers an array of shifts to choose from, competitive pay and benefits package. Must be creative, open-minded, and articulate. HS diploma req. Auditions will be held soon. Call to reserve your spot today. Contact Carla 215-4182616! Employees sought-part time account representatives, sales payment representatives, and bookkeepers. Computer literacy, 1-2 hours of internet access weekly, efficiency, and dedication required. If you are interested or would like further information, please contact kylebck@gmail.com. EMPLOYEES SOUGHT

PART-TIMER ACCOUNT REPRESENTATIVES, SALES PAYMENT REPRESENTATIVES, AND BOOKKEEPERS. COMPUTER LITERACY, 1-2 HOURS OF INTERNET ACCESS WEEKLY, EFFICIENCY, AND DEDICATION REQUIRED. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED OR WOLD LIKE FURTHER INFORMATION, PLEASE CONTACT lloyd1870@gmail.com. GENERAL HELP WANTED

$9/hr Plus Bonus. Interview Today, Start Tomorrow. PT/FT. 215-271-0188 TRAVEL, WORK, PARTY, PLAY! Now Hiring 18-24 guys/ gals to travel w/fun young biz group. NY, LA, MIAMI. 2wks. PAID training. Hotel/transportation provided. Return guaranteed. 1-877-259-6983.

46 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

N O V E M B E R 2 5 - D E C E M B E R 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

$$$ HELP WANTED $$$

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Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-4057619 Ext. 2450 http://www. easywork-greatpay.com. HELP WANTED DRIVER

Drivers-100% Tuition Paid CDL Training! Start you New Career. No Credit Check, No Experience required! Call: 888-417-7564. CRST EXPEDITED www.JoinCRST. com. HELP WANTED DRIVER

CDL-A Drivers: Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Never Looked Better! Our package of benefits is the best itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ever been. Pay, Bonuses, Miles, Equipment. $500 Sign-On for Flatbed. CDL-A, 6 mo. OTR. Western Express. 888801-5295. HELP WANTED DRIVER

CLASS A CDL DRIVERS: *Excellent Equipment! *Consistent home time *Great pay/benefits. SMITH TRANSPORT, INC. Call 877-432-0048 www.smithdrivers.com. HELP WANTED DRIVER

DRIVERS: $1,000 Sing-on Bonus! Company, Lease & Owner Operators Needed. $0 Down/$1 Buyout Lease Purchase! Only 6 months experience required. 800-509-2021 or www.oandstrucking.com. HELP WANTED DRIVER

Experienced Tanker Drivers Needed! Increased pay and

1-800-35-CONDO 1-800-3526636 www.timesharetravel. com

PAID IN ADVANCE!

Make $1,000 a Week mailing brochures from home! Guaranteed Income! FREE Supplies! No experience required. Star t Immediately! www. homemailerprogram.net.

real estate

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EMPLOYEES NEEDED!

HELP WANTED

home time! *Plenty of miles *Steady Freight. Call Prime Today! 1-800-277-0212 www. primeinc.com.

Homes for Sale INCOME PROPERTY

Make money on this investors dream. 3 tenant property newly remodeled waiting for you. Call for details Tom Woolbert 267-679-1392 or visit www. moveinpa.com American Real Estate & Insurance Cheltenham pa 19012 215379-3939 INVESTOR OR 1ST TIME BUYER

E. Rittenhouse St Germantown Excellent opportunity for 1st time buyers with a $3,000 grant for closing costs to live in a upgraded home with many new features. Call Tom Woolbert 267-679-1392 Or visit www.moveinpa.com American real Estate & Insurance Cheltenham Pa 215-379-3939 INVESTOR OR 1ST TIME BUYER

Newly remodeled Germantown home selling for nearly half the appraised value.Call Tom Woolbert 267-679-1392 or visit www.moveinpa.com American Real Estate & Insurance Cheltenham pa 19102 215-379-3939 MOVE RIGHT IN PORT RICHMOND

Move in ready home in Port Richmond. Large living room and dining rooms with new hardwood floors. Modern kitchen and nice size backyard. Call Tom Woolbert 267-679-1392 or visit www.moveinpa.com American Real Estate & Insurance Cheltenham Pa 19012 215-379-3939 NEW CONSTRUCTION GREAT HOME

Beautiful and tasteful corner home with a 10 year tax abatement! Cherry wood floors and state of the art kitchen are just some of the selling points. Call Tom Woolbert 267-679-1392 or visit www.moveinpa.com American Real Estate & Insurance Cheltenham Pa 19012 215-379-3939

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rentals

Apartments for Rent BEAUTIFUL CLEAN TEMPLE APT

Available Jan/Feb through May/June 2011. Situation: 3 female Temple students seeking roommate. Location: A few blocks from Temple campus- Arlington and 17th Street. Amenities: - 1 BR with private bath. - New construction. Very Clean. - Large modern kitchen with new appliances. - Spacious, bright living room. - Free washer and dryer on same floor. - $600/mo + utilities (about $50). contact: tub51378@temple.edu CARLTON PARK APARTMENTS!

Carlton Park Apar tments located in the lovely East Falls section of Philadelphia. Just 10 minutes from Center City by car or train. In close proximity to I-76, Roosevelt Blvd., Manayunk, Kelly Drive, and Queen Lane train station. Beautiful 2 and 3 bedroom units available! Check us out online! Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get left out in the cold this winter...rent with Classic Management Inc. Call Erin Jones at 267-338-1877 to schedule a showing! CHARLWIN APARTMENTS

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t miss out on this beautifully upgraded 2 bedroom unit. Upgraded kitchen and bath, hardwood floor ing throughout, ample closet space, and large bedrooms! On-site coin-op laundry. Rear parking with garage space available! This unit wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t last long! Call today to schedule a showing. In close proximity to I-76, Roosevelt Blvd., Drexel University Medical Campus, Philadelphia University, Manayunk, and minutes to Center City by car or train. ONE BEDROOM APT AVAILABLE

Great 1 bedroom apt available in university city. $635 per month all utilites included in rent. Features are hardwood floors, deck, washer/dryer in building. Call 267-232-7732

One Bedroom 15TH/SPRUCE

Land/ Lots for Sale LAND FOR SALE

BEAUTIFUL CLEAN TEMPLE APT

Resort/ Vacation Property for Sale NEED TO SELL YOUR TIMESHARE

We are interested in selling your timeshare for you... For more information c all Sherry... Trusted business since 1984...

There are 2 rooms available for rent in West Philly rowhome for $100/105 wk. Utilities incl. Access to bathroom & kitchen. Pls email dbabede@comcast. net or call 215.495.9527 anytime.

Two Bedrooms

Beautiful Art Deco High-rise 1Bdrm Apt, Desk Attendant, HW Flrs, Updated Kitch, Onsite Laundry, Intercom Entry, Amazing Location! From $1080/Mo. 215-735-8030. Lic #219789.

Potter County-5 acres adjacent to State Game Lands, Perc, Electric, hard road. $34,900. Owner financing. 800-668-8679.

WEST PHILLY ROOM FOR RENT

Available Jan/Feb through May/June 2011. Situation: 3 female Temple students seeking roommate. Location: A few blocks from Temple campus- Arlington and 17th Street. Amenities: - 1 BR with private bath. - New construction. Very Clean. - Large modern kitchen with new appliances. - Spacious, bright living room. - Cable and internet. - Free washer and dryer on same floor. - $600/mo + utilities (about $50). contact: tub51378@temple.edu

2 Bedroom Apartment 1415 Lombard Patio, Washer/Dryer Dishwasher, Central Air, A/C Fr e s h F l o o r, H a r d w o o d Floors $1,300/month Call 610-322-5460 Large 2 bedroom 21st & Cherry Brand New First Floor, Patio $1,600 a month Call 610-322-5460

Three+ Bedrooms NEWLY RENOVATED

3 Bedroom Beautiful Bedroom- Full Sliding Mirror Beautiful Newly Painted Exterior $750 a Month 1929 Pierce St Philadelphia PA, 19145 Please Call 215-908-6115 RENOVATED 3 BDRM TOWNHOUSE!

Carlton Park Apartments 3 Bedroom, upgraded townhome! Hardwood flooring throughout, upgraded kitchen, fireplace...$1495 per month!!!! Minutes from Center City, Manayunk, Kelly Drive, Chestnut Hill, I-76, Roosevelt Blvd., and steps away from Queen Lane train station. Stay warm this winter in this cozy townhouse! Call or email today to schedule a showing. 267-3381877 ask for Erin RITTENHOUSE SQUARE

Enormous 3bdrm w/ 2 Full Baths in Beautiful Historic Brownstone, Full Size Washer/ Dryer in Apt, HW Flrs, 2 Decorative Fireplaces, Hi Ceilings, Newly Remodeled Kitchen w/ Granite Countertop, Separate Dining Rm, Living Rm, & Family Rm, A/C, Spacious Rooms, Terrific Location! $2650/Mo. 215-735-8030. #216850

Commerical/ Warehouse GREAT LOCATION

CORNER RETAIL STORE 10,000â&#x20AC;&#x2122; lEHIGH & GERMANTOWN AVE. contact:MARTIN 718-485-3682 X240

Roommates ALL AREAS-ROOMATES. COM

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http:// www.Roommates.com. BEAUTIFUL CLEAN TEMPLE APT

Available: Jan/Feb through May/June 2011. Situation: 3 female Temple students seeking roommate. Location: A few blocks from Temple campus- Arlington and 17th Street. Amenities: - 1 BR with private bath. - New construction. Very Clean. - Large modern kitchen with new appliances. - Spacious, bright living room. -Cable and internet - Free washer and dryer on same floor. - $600/mo + utilities (about $50). contact: tub51378@temple.edu

SILK CITY

DINER â&#x20AC;˘ LOUNGE THIS WEEKEND 11.26 - 11.28.10 FRIDAY:

MIGHTY (toca!)

DJs TONY TOUCH & DIRTY SATURDAY:

DJ DEEJAY SUNDAY:

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WITH RES AND GUESTS m

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DJs LEE JONES & DIRTY Open every day 4pm - 2am Sat & Sun Brunch 10am - 4pm 5th & Spring Garden www.silkcityphilly.com

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The 300 Greatest Beers Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Never Hadâ&#x20AC;? 136 Chestnut St. Philadelphia, PA 215.413.1918 www.eulogybar.com

2740 S Front St . Philadelphia 215-467-1980