Philadelphia City Paper, May 5th, 2011

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c typaper [ P H I L A D E L P H I A ]

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MUSIC | It’s your Birthday

FOOD | Julia the spy ✚ ARTS | Heavenly Hell

30 YEARS OF INDEPENDENT JOURNALISM

May 5 - May 11, 2011 #1353 |

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THE BALLAD OF

BY JACOB LAMBERT

A LIFER’S STORY IN WORDS AND PICTURES.

ticket to

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Fairmount Park, Philadelphia | MannCenter.org

5JDLFUNBTUFS DPN t t BFHMJWF DPN t 5JDLFU1IJMBEFMQIJB PSH t t 5IF .BOO #PY 0GmDF

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SAME SERVICE! PECO still carries the power to your home or business and services your account. There is no change in response time or guaranteed services and power outages will be handled on the same priority basis. It’s similar to when the telephone industry was deregulated and used the same wires with new economical service providers. PECO supports this program and has been actively encouraging its customers to take advantage of it.

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We made this

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Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Isaiah Thompson Associate Editor and Web Editor Drew Lazor Arts & Movies Editor/Copy Chief Carolyn Huckabay Associate Editor Josh Middleton Staff Writer Holly Otterbein Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Julia Askenase, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Anthony Campisi, Mark Cofta, Felicia D’Ambrosio, Jesse Delaney, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Cindy Fuchs, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Gair Marking, Robert McCormick, Natalie Hope McDonald, Andrew Milner, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Robin Rice, Yowei Shaw, Lee Stabert, Will Stone, Andrew Thompson, Tom Tomorrow, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Bruce Walsh, Julia West Editorial Interns Emily Apisa, Bianca Brown, Matt Cantor, Ryan Carey, Angelo Fichera, Erin Finnerty, Tanya Hull, Kala Jamison, Emad Khalil, Diana Palmieri, Adrian Pelliccia, Massimo Pulcini, Laurel Rose Purdy, Eric Schuman Webmaster Dafan Zhang Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Systems Administrator John Tarng Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Editorial Designer Alyssa Grenning Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Designer Alicia Solsman Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Jonathan Bartlett, Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Accounts Receivable Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Advertising Director Eileen Pursley (ext. 257) Senior Account Managers Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Chris Scartelli (ext. 215), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Business Development Manager Nicholas Forte (ext. 237) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel

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contents Fo’ some prison blues

ElectionEar ..................................................................................7 Cover Story ..............................................................................12 First Friday Focus ................................................................22 What’s Cooking .....................................................................42

Cover illustration by jaCob lambert design by reseCa Peskin

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Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright © 2011, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public. LETTERS & SUBMISSIONS Letters should be brief and are subject to editing. Authors must sign their name for publication and each must contain an address and telephone number for verification, although neither address nor telephone number will be published. Unsolicited submissions are welcome but must be accompanied with a SASE if return is desired.

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naked

the thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 1]

A college sophomore is crowned Mr. Gay Philadelphia. According to the dry-erase board on his door.

[ +2 ]

New Jersey begins investigating three sheriff’s officers for collecting a pension while also serving. Because in other places that’s not, like, what people do.

[ +3 ]

A local botanist has a rare fungus named after him. According to the graffiti in the men’s room near his lab.

[0]

The Oyster House debuts “Dump Dinners,” wherein buckets of shellfish are dumped on your newspaper-wrapped table. “But you said you loved me,” says devastated mollusk.

[ -1 ]

A thief steals 10 of City Council’s stenographer machines. The ransom note arrived sooo quick.

[ -1 ]

Center City’s Naked Chocolate Cafe closes its doors. And slowly begins unbuttoning its blouse.

[0]

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city

[ +3 ]

Upon hearing the news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed, Phillies fans begin chanting “USA!” at Citizens Bank Park. Yeah, and then we barfed red, white and blue all over each other. On the House floor, Pennsylvania legislators sing “God Bless America.” Which proves Bell Curve’s favorite pet theory: State government is a grade school pageant with higher cholesterol levels. Sen. Larry Farnese proposes a bill that would put serial straw purchasers behind bars for at least five years.“Unless somebody comes forward and admits to shooting this spitball into my Lunchables.”

[ -2 ]

Police find a fake pipe bomb at the First Bank of the United States building in Old City. And we will not rest until this idiot is brought to justice, either. USA! USA!

[ -1 ]

Neighbors in Washington Square fight over who owns a tiny street not maintained by the city. How about this: Nobody owns it. It’s a street.

[ +2 ]

Krispy Kreme opens its first Center City location. Type 2 Diabetes! Type 2 Diabetes!

This week’s total: 6 | Last week’s total: 8

evan m. loPez

[ special treatment ]

Out Of cOurtesy Should the police union be handing out “courtesy cards” to its favorite candidates — including a judge? By Holly Otterbein

L

ast year, in an article published by the Inquirer, the Police Department’s largest union claimed that police “courtesy cards” — better known on the street as “get-out-of-jail-free” cards — were “basically worthless.” Funny, then, that City Paper has found the cards popping up again amid this year’s election — and, contrary to being worthless, going for a handsome price indeed. The cards — pocket-size blue notes, signed by Fraternal Order of Police Lodge 5 President John mcNesby — state that “all courtesies of the organization” should be given to the card’s carrier. according to local legend, flash the card after getting pulled over (for, presumably, a minor offense) and you might get a warning instead of a ticket. Traditionally, police officers have provided the cards to family members and friends. But according to a letter recently sent out by the FOP, the union is also handing them out to folks who support their favorite candidates. In the april 12 letter obtained by CP, the FOP invites donors to a fundraiser for Jim DiVergilis, a candidate for judge in the Court of Common Pleas. For a $500 donation to DiVergilis’ campaign, the letter reads, contributors will receive “15 courtesy cards signed by our president.” For $100, they get 10 cards; for $50, five cards.

asked whether handing out passes to essentially break the law isn’t, well, a little inappropriate for a candidate for judge, DiVergilis claimed, “I don’t know anything about the cards,” adding, “mr. mcNesby is doing that.” mcNesby, who chairs DiVergilis’ campaign, maintains, as he did to the Inquirer last year, that the cards are meaningless. “maybe 20 years ago,” admits mcNesby, the card helped carriers avoid tickets. “But now we have cops locking up cops,” he says. “It’s a different breed of police today.” Then why bother passing them out at political fundraisers? “It’s like coin-collecting groups, patch-collecting groups,” says mcNesby. “a lot of people collect cards from different organizations.” “It’s a thing of the past,” concurs police spokesman Lt. Ray Evers. Nakedphilly.com, a local real estate blog, found that DiVergilis isn’t the only one enjoying such donor enticements: 6th Council District candidate Bobby Henon’s campaign, that blog reports and FOP president mcNesby confirms, made a similar offer. as of press time, Henon did not respond for comment. Both DiVergilis and Henon have been endorsed by the FOP. Since the union has endorsed hopefuls in every Council race, as well as several judicial candidates, CP asked each person supported by the FOP if their campaign has received any courtesy cards. as of press time, no other candidates said they did. mcNesby says that so far this year, the FOP has provided cards only to supporters of DiVergilis and Henon’s campaigns. “But I’d do it again,” he adds. (holly.otterbein@citypaper.net)

“It’s like coincollecting groups.”

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[ a million stories ]

electionear

sTu-ing over iT

The BoTTom Line Last week, about 80 residents of Fairmount and Brewerytown showed up at a meeting to talk about a supermarket. It’s a topic they’ve been discussing, fruitlessly, for a long time, since it’s been more than 15 years since the area had a grocery store. at the meeting, however, skepticism seemed to give way to guarded optimism, as company representative Jeff Smith talked about building a Bottom Dollar at 31st and Girard. Smith on the store: “It’s not a dollar store. We have a lot of confusion about that. It’s a full-service grocery store.” Smith on what they carry: “Take ketchup. We may not have five or six sizes, but just three. We may not have that size that fits just right in your refrigerator door.” Condiment selection aside, residents’ main concerns were traffic, parking and “Is 31st Street wide enough for a delivery truck?” Significant tangents focused on the store’s exterior appearance, as well as pent-up anger at John Westrum, the developer who built Brewerytown Square, an island of townhouses, then abandoned his additional projects — at one time highly touted — for the surrounding blocks. The Bottom Dollar site plan calls for 16 to 18 Westrum-built houses lining the north side, causing several expressions of blatant disbelief from attendees. adam Lang, of the West Girard Supermarket Coalition, thought the proposal was promising. “In the six years since I’ve been involved in doing this, there have been about four people presenting to us who had drawings to show” for a potential store. “But then they’d say, ‘Oh, but we don’t have any money.’” —theresa everline

Get vote-smart here

It’s been a rough week for Stu Bykofsky. Like a great polar bear surveying the ever-shrinking ice, or like a rainforest pygmy harkening to the bulldozers in the distance, so (we imagine) sat the noted Daily News columnist, furiously pounding the keyboard as all around him streets are being given away to that urban scourge: bicycles. Worse, he seems to be running out of ammunition to fight them. Ever since the city announced plans to install two full-size eastwest bicycle lanes through Center City — one along Pine and the other along Spruce, on which street Bykofsky happens to live — the columnist has stabbed at them from hell’s heart. First, he bemoaned the idea of cars having to share the streets “equally” with bicycles, bravely ignoring the fact that cars were being asked to give up just a few out of thousands of miles of lanes. Then he mined that richest vein of anti-bike sentiment, sidewalkriders, even though studies link bike lanes and better behavior. The lanes went in anyway. Bicycling went up — doubled, in fact, according to the Bicycle Coalition of Greater Philadelphia (of which this author is a member). Bykofsky disputed but, tragically, never disproved those numbers. Woe unto him when the U.S. Census’ american Community Survey confirmed that bicycle commuting has increased in the city — up to more than 15 percent of residents in a few areas, up to 5 percent or more in much of South Philly and Center City. This week, the city rolled out its plan to install two more fullsize bike lanes on 10th and 13th streets. No parking will be removed, and traffic studies indicate the streets can handle onelane reductions. It’s looking grim for Stu. >>> continued on page 8

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tony Boris FliCkr: luxelight

➤ The crowd aT NewsWorks’ 8th Council

District debate last Wednesday was expecting an out-and-out brawl, and the tension in the room was obvious. In one corner of the ring — at one end of the table, rather — sat Cindy Bass, a front-runner who’s racked up endorsements from Mayor Michael Nutter, District Attorney Seth Williams, the Fraternal Order of Police and others. Yet Bass’ campaign has been slammed for employing former Councilwoman Donna Reed Miller aide Steven Vaughn, who pleaded guilty in a pay-to-play scandal. At the table’s other end sat Verna Tyner, a longtime Council aide who has blasted Bass in press releases and interviews for not divulging who she’d support for Council president. Between them were Greg Paulmier, Howard Treatman, Andrew Lofton, William Durham and Robin Tasco, the tough-talking electrician who has accused Bass’ campaign of attempting to bribe her to drop out of the race. And yet there was very little mud-slinging. The candidates agreed on most of the big-deal issues: They all rallied for more transparency and community involvement in the office — no surprise, since that’s exactly what some voters accuse current Councilwoman Miller of lacking. Many name-dropped the Fresh Grocer and Germantown Settlement fiascos, wielding them as examples of what’s “wrong” with development in the district, which stretches from the low-income neighborhood of Nicetown all the way up to the bucolic Chestnut Hill. The majority of candidates advocated for the city to wrestle back control of the School District from the state. Still, many tried to distance themselves from Bass. When DROP came up, Tyner jumped to her feet, stating that she’d never support a DROPenrolled president. She even called on the audience to voice their opinions on DROP, preacher-style. Treatman said he wouldn’t hire anyone with a “history of political corruption.” And Tasco, whose voice was raised throughout most of the debate, shouted, “I’m a fighter, that’s all I know! I don’t need the endorsements of nobody else other than the people of this district!” Bass, for her part, touted her endorsements — which, interestingly, got mixed reactions from the crowd — while being careful to emphasize that she didn’t have “some political hookup.” ➤ GoP mayoral candidaTe Karen Brown

has violated campaign finance law — not once but >>> continued on page 8

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“I Love My City” 20th & Indiana

agreed upon

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[ is surveying the ever-shrinking ice ]

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PHIlly lOvES

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A Million Stories

<<< continued from page 7

The tortured lobster, Bykofsky says, is “Philly motorists.â€? “He’s just against bike lanes,â€? says Alex Doty, executive director of the Bicycle Coalition. “We need more bike lanes because more people are biking. ‌ We’re not doing things that don’t make sense. We’re not trying to take away traffic lanes in the great Northeast.â€? But Bykofsky doesn’t live in the great Northeast. He lives, he knows all too well, in the bikeable heart of the city. On he fights, even if he sees the end slowly but inevitably coming, “like putting a lobster into a pot of cool water, then turning up the heat one degree at a time,â€? he wrote this week. The lobster, he adds, is “Philly motoristsâ€? — not, he quixotically seems to imply, him. —Isaiah Thompson

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This week, City Council will hold the last in its series of hearings on the mayor’s proposed budget for 2012, an annual ritual in which Council members get to applaud, chastise and hold up to the glorious, transparent light every city department, asking question upon question about how each one allocates its resources.

Along with this tradition comes city government watchdog Committee of Seventy’s annual call for City Council to hold hearings on its own $16 million budget — the only pot of money in the city not subjected to hearings. For three years now,

the Committee has written to Council. For three years, says president Zack Stalberg, they’ve gotten no response. “I think it would start out with a detailed presentation of their own budget,� envisions Stalberg, “and the public would have the right to ask questions about how the money is spent.� First on Stalberg’s own list of questions? “Frankly, it’s difficult to say, since the city’s budget provides so little detail,� he says. Council spokesman Tony Radwanski counters, “I think the issue is transparency, and Council is always happy to provide any information on request.� —Isaiah Thompson

Agreed Upon

<<< continued from page 7

“Not being a politician before, I realized I had made a boo-boo.�

being a politician before,� Brown says, “I realized I had made a boo-boo.� (holly.otterbein@citypaper.net)

twice this election season, CP discovered this week. According to the Philadelphia City Commissioners, Brown has failed to file the legally required campaign finance report for one of her political committees, despite its having brought in more than $11,000 in contributions last year. City Commissioners election document and finance specialist Tim Dowling says a complaint has been sent to the District Attorney’s office. In February, the city’s Board of Ethics found that Brown had violated another campaign finance law, which, until now, has gone unreported. At the time, Brown was running as a Democrat for the 1st Council District and at-large seats, and violated a law that bars candidates from having more than one political committee for each office being sought. Brown had “Friends of Karen Brown� as well as “Karen Brown for 1st District Council� and “Karen Brown for City Council at-Large.� The Ethics Board settled with Brown, and waived any fines or penalties. To be fair, Brown has filed a campaign finance report for “Friends of Karen Brown� with the Ethics Board, as per the settlement agreement. But candidates are also required to file the reports with the City Commissioners. When reached over the phone, Brown says, “I did what I was told to do [by the Ethics Board].� She also claims that as soon as she became aware of her first violation in February, she told the Ethics Board and complied with their investigation. “Not

acronym from City Paper’s pages, but until then, DROP rears its head again, this time in the 6th Council District, where former School Reform Commission member Marty Bednarek is in a hotly contested race against Bobby Henon, political director for Jon Dougherty’s politically active (to say the least) Local 98 chapter of the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers. At a recent Committee of Seventy debate at the Tacony Branch of the Free Library, the candidates disagreed on DROP but in a baffling way: Henon said he wouldn’t abolish the DROP benefit for city workers (catering, no doubt, to the many police and firefighters in the Northeast neighborhoods of the 6th); Bednarek said he would. But Henon said he’d never support a Council president who took DROP, while Bednarek refused to make a similar commitment.The audience, attempting to reconcile such confusing positions on the issue, collapsed in upon itself, briefly forming a black hole before vanishing through a wormhole in space-time. (isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net)

➤ WE’RE ON THE verge of banning the

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The Ballad of Red dog

Reported by Tom Ferrick Jr. and Jacob LamberT Illustrated by Jacob LamberT

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Haywood Fennell is one of the 5,000-plus prisoners in Pennsylvania serving life terms for murder. “Red Dog,” as he is known, has been in prison since he was 17. He is now 60. This is his life story in graphic novel form.

A joint project of City Paper and the online news site Metropolis, “The Ballad of Red Dog” was funded by a grant from the William Penn Foundation and awarded by J-Lab: The Institute for Interactive Journalism. This story also appears on Metropolis at phlmetropolis.com.

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

➤ One thing i found out about Mount Airy native

Kevin Eubanks this weekend is that he ain’t going out with you thinking he’s some smooth-noodling guitarist. Novices may know Eubanks — who was in Philly to pick up his Arts & Business Council award at the Pennsylvania Convention Center — for his tenure as bandleader for Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. (Leno even sent videotaped congratulations to the award ceremony.) But the arch post-bop musician has made some risky recordings in his long career, and he’s about to show that when he returns to the area next month. He’s got a new role, traveling for the Thelonious Monk Institute as artistic director of its Jazz in the Classroom program, and will be instructing students on the art of the avant-garde at Northeast High School on June 9. He’ll also hit a Phillies game and meet up with Lynn Dixon, a former 10th grade teacher of his at Martin Luther King High who now teaches at Northeast. More later. ➤ Stephen Starr’s May is busy: First he opens his grand event space, Arts Ballroom on Locust, this week. And then he’s readying Frankford Hall, his beer garden in Fishtown, for next week’s opening. Who’s handling the menu? Is there schnitzel? Official word has it that under the direction of exec chef Chris Painter (who’s in the middle of his partnership with Starr at Il Pittore), some of Starr Restaurants’ current chefs are working on the food side with beer lasses selling tickets for mugs. ➤ The toast of middle Pennsylvania, The Sisters 3, unleash their dulcet tones on an eponymous new CD at Johnny Brenda’s May 7. Joining the gals is Philly’s Liz Fullerton in the guise of her new ambient acoustic project, Honey Watts. ➤Charles Dutton’s new flick, Must Be the Music, has been all over Philly recently (filming with the Stylistics at Sigma Sound studio must’ve been a hoot). But this week, Dutton and actors like Black Thought (The Roots) hit the Italian Market, welcoming new co-stars: boxing promoter Joey “Eye” Intrieri and Icepack fave Sal Mazzotta, the local auteur known for Mafioso: The Father, the Son. ➤ Win one, lose one. Schoolly D may have lost his Cartoon Network Aqua Teen Hunger Force theme song spot to Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme. But Philly’s bad lieutenant is again collaborating with Abel Ferrara, recording new tracks for the director’s 4:44. ➤ Thanks for longtime readers who acknowledged last week’s mention of the recently deceased Ivan Weiss. Added to his credits was his ownership of Philly’s first hippie boutique on Pine Street, The 13th St. Conspiracy, where he dressed the likes of Eric Clapton. Sad to announce, though: Philly’s American Dream bassist, Don Ferris, passed away last week. Condolences. ➤ More Ice at citypaper. net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

THE CAKE IS REAL: Marc Neibauer and Eat Your Birthday Cake are releasing their first full length at a block party in Fishtown. jessiCa kourkouNis

[ rock/pop ]

Making EnEMiEs Eat Your Birthday Cake serves up a sweet slice of indie rock. By John Vettese

M

arc Neibauer and Bill Storck were studying jazz composition and classical guitar at Temple when they decided on a whim to make a pop record. Released under the name Eat Your Birthday Cake, the 2009 EP I Know You Can was a delightful collection of buoyant electro-pop. After a spate of live appearances in Philly, Storck demurely exited the live band and reduced his songwriting role. Neibauer took up the banner to release Enemies, a full-length with bolder beats, thicker arrangements, a healthy dose of Fender Rhodes and lyrics veering from the satirical to the surreal to the scene-critical. “We are rock stars/ haircuts and attitudes,” jabs a central track. The record release party is at a Fishtown block party this weekend; City Paper recently met up with Neibauer at Milkcrate Café to talk records, writing and self-deprecation.

opened things up. I didn’t have to rely on beeps and bops and boops and reverb and stuff. I got more confident, and was able to get exactly what I want with his expertise. CP: How is writing jazz different from writing pop? MN: I think it’s a lot harder when you’re writing a pop tune. You’re

pounding out chords for hours until it’s perfect, right, consonant and makes sense. It’s easy to write a song. What’s really hard is to write something catchy and radio-friendly that’s also got some complexity to it. It takes hours and hours of sitting at the piano. I feel like I don’t have a lot of rejects because I spend so long on a single song.

“You have to be selfcritical if you want to impress your listeners.”

CP: I’m skeptical when artists

brag that they’ve released hundreds of songs. That says they have a problem self-editing. MN: You have to be self-critical if you want to impress your listeners.

CP: On the scene-crit tracks, is there an element of self-deprecaCity Paper: What brought about Bill’s reduced role in the band? Marc Neibauer: A lot of gigs burnt him out. And I can relate —

we’re not really big rock ’n’ roll guys, which is why the release show isn’t at a real venue. That said, Bill is all over the album. CP: How did the new players affect your sound? MN: Well, we moved away from sequencers and drum machines,

and had Rob Rouse playing live drums. Having him onboard really

tion? MN: A lot of the record is kind of poking fun at indie rock subcul-

ture, but it’s an appreciation, too. I can’t deny it — whether I like it or not, I’m a part of it. (john.vettese@citypaper.net) Eat Your Birthday Cake, Sat., May 7, 1-8:30 p.m., free, with The Best Westerns,

North Lawrence Midnight Singers, Satellite Hearts, Owen Pye, Derek Krzywicki and b°tong, at a block party at 219 Mercer St., eatyourbirthdaycake.com.

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[ fueled by misanthropy ] ➤ hip-hop

If you had a soft spot for emocore in the early aughts, you probably played your copy of thursday’s Full Collapse to death. Then you watched with dismay as the screamy, sensitive Jersey guys evolved into a mediocre Warped Tour sideshow. you got older, got over this superficial corporate-rock kid shit, and started listening to The National. you probably didn’t even realize Thursday’s playing the Tower tomorrow (May 6, tower-theatre.com), or that they have a new album, No Devolución. Well they are, they do, and it’s good. Brutally loud, lyrically haunting, nothing easy, straightforward or —John Vettese cookie-cutter about it.

yeah, he’s a standup comedian, and Troy on Community, but when Donald Glover makes music, the humor is anchored by angst and intellect. He thrives on funny, complicated lines, a la Pharcyde — “damn bloggers argue whether or not I’m serious/ it’s Nas’ Illmatic not Eddie Murphy’s Delirious” — and slow-build adrenaline rushes like when Eminem thinks he’s Rocky Balboa. Childish Gambino (the name bestowed upon Glover by a Wu Tang name generator, according to legend) plays the TLa on Wednesday (May 11, livenation.com). —Patrick rapa

➤ dance What’s a blender if not that which is responsible for delicious chocolate-peanut butter smoothies? It’s also a night of scrumptious dance at the Performance Garage (May 5 and 7, ruddydance.org), featuring four local, mostly new companies. Blender will include the supernatural, morbid Dangerous and Movin’ Dance Co., fledgling hip-hoppers enDOWed movement, cerebral dancers RealLivePeople (In) Motion, and the pretty, peaceful collective BodyFields. With each company bringing in its own constituents, the audience should be as raggle-taggle as its performers. —holly Otterbein

flickpick

Justin Bauer, under the covers

➤ reading There’s no author in the post-Edwin Newman universe more qualified to uphold the laws of linguistics than roy Blount Jr. The honorary Southern gentleman, who visits the Free Library on Tuesday (May 10, freelibrary.org), has spent most of his career penning pointedly humorous books about “crackers,” Confederates and regional ridiculousness. Blount continues his lexicological campaign with Alpha Better Juice: or, The Joy of Text, which dares to ask, “Why is toadless but not frogless in the Oxford English Dictionary?” —a.d. amorosi

[ movie review ]

Cave of forgotten Dreams [ C+ ] Over the last decade or so, Werner Herzog — a man who once stood in the

➤ the Opening Of The Sisters Brothers is

appropriately cinematic, wry and mannered: We’re introduced in a couple of paragraphs to our narrator, Eli Sisters, as he waits for his brother Charlie and ponders their aptly named new horses, Nimble and Tub. Eli and Charlie fancy themselves the sort of men who do not believe in naming horses, a fortunate belief given that their last pair died as a result of arson, and they’re bound for California to kill a man. Despite his assassin’s reserve, Eli speedily conveys that his brother is well-satisfied with his pick of Nimble, but that Eli himself is cursed not only with a slow horse but also with Tub’s reproach when forced to whip him, “which some men do not mind doing and which in fact some enjoy doing, but which I did not like to do; and afterward he, Tub, believed me cruel and thought to himself, Sad life, sad life.” This mixture of pity and regret that Eli harbors for Tub says more about Patrick deWitt’s novel (Ecco, April 26) than genre does, considering how fond writers are of giving the Western a face-lift. Even so, some things remain constant: A great advantage of the Western is the clarity of its moral landscape. DeWitt proved his talent for debauchery in his 2009 debut novel, Ablutions, which punts its bartending narrator into a sump of well booze, cheap drugs and liver damage. Ablutions wears its contempt for its characters on its sleeve, a gleeful addiction story fueled by self-hatred and misanthropy. As ugly as that book gets, deWitt’s writing makes it difficult to avert your eyes: One character describes a drunk’s walk, piercingly and perfectly, “like a cigarette thrown out of a car on the highway. You know, the way the cherry dances?” DeWitt has lost none of his ability to distill an image with a couple of well-chosen words, and the

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jungle and declared it full of “overwhelming and collective murder” — has effectively taken up landscape photography. Joining forces with such unlikely allies as the Discovery Channel and the National Science Foundation, he has gone, at least figuratively, into the alaskan wilderness and beneath the polar ice caps, flying through the rainforest’s canopy and into outer space. In his documentaries as in his fiction features — not, incidentally, a distinction Herzog recognizes — he seeks out obsessive heroes, but the doomed madmen of the past have been supplanted by scientists and other professional monomaniacs. In the wild, so to speak, Herzog has found characters as strange as any he could dream up: If Grizzly Man’s Timothy Treadwell did not exist, Herzog would have had to invent him. But Cave of Forgotten Dreams, which takes him inside a prehistoric art gallery in southern France, doesn’t turn on a single figure, or any figures at all. Not even Herzog, who can always be counted on to make his presence felt through his instantly identifiable narration, makes a pronounced impression. It’s as if he were so impressed with the sites inside the Chauvet caves that he were at a loss for words. an earthquake sealed them tight for millennia, preserving cave drawings more than 30,000 years old. When they were rediscovered in 1994, the caves were opened only to researchers with special permissions. Herzog details the strictures placed on his crew, which include being kept to a narrow metal walkway and using only a few small lights. The latter restriction prevents Herzog from composing shots in depth, although he does capture a feel for the surface of the walls, which the camera crawls over like a delicate hand. But the movie still feels undercooked (and underlit). Herzog has made docs for TV before, but this is the first to feel it belongs there. —Sam Adams

Herzog makes a pronounced impression.

SPEECHLESS: Upon entering the Chauvet caves, Forgotten Dreams director/narrator Werner Herzog seems — for once — at a loss for words.

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[ kaleidoscope ]

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[ arts & entertainment ] HESHER is a dark fairy tale about an eccentric drifter who appears out of nowhere to help a struggling family deal with loss in the most unconventional of ways.

Enter to win a pass for two by texting PORNOGRAPHY and your ZIP CODE to 43549 No purchase necessary. While supplies last. Texting services provided by 43KIX/43549 are free. Standard text message rates from your wireless provider may apply. Check your plan. One entry per cell phone #. Late and/or duplicate entries will not be considered. Winners will be notified by phone. This film is rated R for disturbing violent behavior, sexual content including graphic dialogue, pervasive language, and drug content – some in the presence of a child. Must be 17 years of age to enter contest and attend screening. Sponsors are not responsible for lost or redirected entries, phone failures, or tampering. Employees of Wrekin Hill and Philadelphia City Paper are not eligible. Deadline for entries is Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 5 PM ET.

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AND NESHAMINY 24

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The narration is so solid, it hoards shades of gray.

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precision and intensity of his language gives Sisters a dreamlike aura. This is not because of any softfocus fuzziness: The narration is so clear and solid in the objects and people it treats, and so effective at eliminating ambiguity in the described physical world and in the rhythms of conversation, it seems to hoard shades of gray. This crystal absoluteness invests certain things, like a red bear hide or the odd conical hat of a fur trapper, with disproportionate concentrated intensity, which could be symbolic if only deWitt let on what they symbolized. That selfsame clarity of utterance and of intention, deployed to clamp down on moral qualms, runs through the Sisters’ dialogue. After a series of double crosses ending in a gunfight, for instance, the brothers confront the boss whose men they’ve killed:“As you may have guessed, we have cut down your help, all four of them, plus the stable boy, which was unfortunate, and unplanned,” Charlie says, and points out they’ve been cheated. “Thusly, the deaths of your men and the boy should rest on your conscience alone, not ours. I do not ask that you agree with this necessarily, only that you recognize I have said as much. Are we understood?” It’s important to Charlie not that he be right, just that he be understood. DeWitt packs his open West with quirks and offbeat losers and dreamers. In 1851, the failures and dregs of the country are attracted by the gold in California’s streams: whores and bookkeepers, failed speculators, correspondence-course dentists with checkered pasts. And the two-man patter the brothers keep up is a constant delight and a surprisingly sensitive temperature-gauge on their stormy relationship, like when Eli shows off his toothbrush to Charlie:“He told me I looked like a rabid beast with my mouth full of foam. I countered that I would prefer to look like one for minutes each day rather than smell like one all through my life, and this marked the end of our toothbrush conversation.” Mannered and deadpan as Eli can be, he’s eager to improve himself, willing to take a little ridicule for the benefits of good hygiene. And Eli’s growing empathy — his ability to see himself clearly and so treat others sympathetically — takes deWitt’s most careful, impressive writing. Unlike Charlie, eager to be ratified, Eli winds up drinking fake coffee brewed from dirt by an addled prospector, remarking only that “he was so pleased to be sharing, and I did not want to upset his pride; at any rate, who did I think I was to undo what had surely taken many days and nights to become fact for him?” Just as much as The Sisters Brothers is about a killing, it’s also about the difficulty of holding on to or setting aside all the things a killer has to convince himself of to make his life palatable. (j_bauer@citypaper.net)

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[ arts & entertainment ]

By Holly Otterbein

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people are willing to divulge on the Web. Just ’cause it was made by an artist named “Sleeper� doesn’t mean it’s a snooze. Opening reception Fri., May 6, 6-8 p.m., free, through late summer, 1222 Arch St., 215-568-1111, fabricworkshopandmuseum.org.

➤ GRIZZLY GRIZZLY Lauren Ruth and Ann Gaziano, two local sculpture

➤ TRUST GALLERY A dancer’s pirouette will never save a life or end a war — at least not directly. But the fundraiser Shut Up & Dance proves that movers and shakers can still make a real difference. Held every year since 1993, the benefit features dancers from the Pennsylvania Ballet performing for MANNA, a group that annually gives out hundreds of thousands of free meals to people with HIV/AIDS, cancer and other life-threatening illnesses. For the past five years, Sofia Negron has been photographing Shut Up & Dance, capturing pretty, lightfooted moments as well as the fire behind these sashaying activists. Negron, once a dancer herself, swears she doesn’t miss performing, but concedes that her experience makes for better photographs. “When you’re shooting, you really have to feel the music and anticipate the dancers,� she says. “In some ways, you’re mentally dancing along with them.� Opening reception Fri., May 6, 6-9 p.m., free, through May 31, 249 Arch St., 215-592-8400, thetrustvenue.com.

➤ FABRIC WORKSHOP AND MUSEUM Too many good video pieces in too many good galleries have inspired too many good people to hunch over, cross their arms and watch with their eyes glazed over. Ain’t gonna happen with curator Carlos Rigau’s show, “Fighting Kissing Dancing.â€? Watching video “on a flat screen on a wall with headphones on in a gallery is pretty strange,â€? he argues. Conversely, Rigau has created a viewing space that “doesn’t feel stilted.â€? How? First, he selected seven video pieces that are each under 3 minutes long — since most folks’ attention spans are so darn ‌ I’m sorry, what were we talking about? Rigau also installed a bench and grip bars to encourage viewers to stick around for a while. And then there’s the subject matter: Each video is literally about fighting, kissing or dancing — mainstream themes that, even when abstract, are easy to grasp. If nothing else, check out My first VLOG, a funny, timely film that explores how much

artists, are being coy about their exhibit “String (Figure) Theory.� First, they tell City Paper it will feature a “monumental sculpture.� Then they reveal a little more: It’s influenced by temples, pyramids and other obelisk shapes. After that, they claim it’s being made of “nontraditional materials.� What does it all mean? “It’s a giant sculpture made of dried

Our attention spans are so ‌ sorry, what were we talking about? pasta noodles,â€? Ruth finally admits. Ebullient, silly pieces like this are business as usual for Ruth and Gaziano: In the past, they’ve commanded viewers to play a mega-size string game of cat’s cradle; created art out of hair clippings; and crafted a childlike dome of American flags, flowers and other ephemera. This time, Ruth and Gaziano’s huge noodle sculpture will be joined by another large sculpture that returns to the cat’s cradle theme, with string crisscrossing on the ceiling above viewers’ heads. “In the past, we’ve gotten people to interact more with the pieces,â€? says Ruth. “This time, our interest is in creating an environment to walk through and experience.â€? Opening reception Fri., May 6, 6-10 p.m., free, through May 29, 319 N. 11th St., second floor, grizzlygrizzly.com. (holly.otterbein@citypaper.net)

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[ arts & entertainment ]

[ film ]

OFF-ROADING In Meek’s Cutoff, an Oregon Trail detour deals in the drudgery of heading West.

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[ B+ ] MEEK’S CUTOFF | Directed by Kelly Reichardt, an Oscilloscope Pictures release, opens Friday at Ritz Five

E

very few years, the Western stirs and lets out a muffled croak, although the sound could just as easily be gas escaping from its bloated corpse. The wagon-train movie, however, is well and truly dead, its bones bleached by the sun and coated with exhaust fumes. Who can imagine a time at which it might take weeks to effect a river crossing, months to traverse an expanse a jet can fly over in minutes? The rap on Kelly Reichardt’s Meek’s Cutoff, inspired by an illfated episode in the history of the Oregon Trail, is that it’s pointlessly distended and narratively slight — in other words, slow and boring. And while it’s positively zippy compared to the events it depicts, it’s clear that Reichardt and her screenwriter, Jon Raymond, mean to convey something of the endless drudgery of a desert crossing, made worse by the dubious navigational skills of Stephen Meek (Bruce Greenwood), a self-mythologizing mountain man with a Buffalo Bill beard and a twang as thick as tar. Large stretches pass without dialogue, and shots of the wagons rolling across the parched ground are a constant refrain. The scope of the real 1845 expedition is drastically reduced, from 200 wagons to three, a move in keeping not only with the budgetary restrictions of an independent film, but also with Reichardt’s

desire to whittle the settlers’ ordeal down to its core. Details of place and origin are shaved away, leaving only the present tense. We glean little about the three couples undertaking the journey, apart from their immediate responses: the Gatelys (Zoe Kazan and Paul Dano) grow hysterical; the Whites (Shirley Henderson and Neal Huff), anxious; the Tetherows (Michelle Williams and Will Patton), resolute. Their abstracted journey inevitably lends itself to allegorical readings about a nation adrift in the desert, especially once the settlers capture an Indian (Rod Rondeaux) and try to persuade him to lead them out. But though Reichardt and Raymond both point out the story’s contemporary echoes in interviews, it cripples the film’s resonance to reduce it to a parable of Bush-era folly. More than a political tract, Meek’s Cutoff functions as a sculpture in time, a careful stock-taking of the settlers’ progress, both forward and back. When the Indian first appears in the landscape, Reichardt uses the loading of a flintlock rifle to generate almost unbearable tension. In a long shot that reduces her to a hazy figure in the midst

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of open space, Williams fires a shot into the air, and then reloads, a process that takes a half-dozen steps and what feels like several minutes. Then, she abruptly cuts away on the sound of the second shot, increasing its impact and incidentally demonstrating that the film’s “real time” is nothing of the sort. Reichardt and Raymond don’t use conventional tools to propel their story forward, but it moves at its own calculated pace. Meek’s Cutoff is inevitably, and deliberately, a colder and more alienating story than Reichardt’s Wendy and Lucy and Old Joy. Rather than focusing on a few carefully etched central characters, and performances, the movie keeps its distance, which in the case of Greenwood’s yee-hawing galoot is much for the better. Much is made of the settlers’ attempts to communicate with the Indian, who looks on with vague perplexity as they jabber away in a tongue unknown to him. Although he speaks not a word of subtitled dialogue, we might end up identifying with him all the same, watching the characters with sad resignation, and knowing whatever happens to them, we’ll be going home. (s_adams@citypaper.net)

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[ concert review ]

Still the Searcher ➤ At the tower Theatre Saturday night, neil young wandered between songs,

and sometimes during them, as if looking for something he’d lost. although he had only a cigar-store Indian keeping him company, young occupied all of the Tower’s substantial stage, switching between acoustic and electric guitars, upright and grand pianos, and the towering organ he occupied for “after the Gold Rush.” as he demonstrated on last year’s Le Noise, young doesn’t need a band to fill a room, especially when he cranks his electric loud enough to coax overtones out of the echoing canyons of sound. Clad in a white linen jacket and Panama hat, young opened with the Greatest Hits trio of “My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue),” “Tell Me Why” and “Helpless,” but that proved to be something of a (doubtless purposeful) misdirection for a set half-composed of lesser-

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Young doesn’t need a band to fill a room. known songs, including six of Le Noise’s eight tracks and the unreleased “Leia” and “you Never Call.” That previous audiences might not have welcomed the approach could be gleaned from the laminated signs posted in the lobby, which read in part, “The artists respectfully request that you refrain from whistling or yelling out during the performance.” That didn’t stop one beefy dude from repeatedly yelling “What the fuck?!” as the crowd streamed out after young’s single encore, but then he’s spent decades perfecting the delicate art of getting classic-rock fans to turn out whether he’s playing the hits or an environmental rock opera. The show might not have been what the audience was expecting, but those with open ears heard young finding new ways into well-worn classics and forging onward with characteristic eccentricity. at times,it recalled young’s defense of his scattershot run of 1980’s releases: “you can call me erratic, but I’ve always been consistent about it — consistently erratic.” Sat., April 30, Tower Theatre. —Sam adams More on this show at citypaper.net/criticalmass.

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CP theater reviews

[ arts & entertainment ]

KaTIE REING

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curtaincall

➤ The ecsTasy of The agony The German Society’s beautiful, ghostly library is the perfect venue for egoPo Classic theater’s production of Hell. From the start, we’re immersed in a setting that reminds us of the huge scale of this project, an adaptation of Henri Barbusse’s cause-célèbre 1908 novel about a man whose discovery of a peephole in his hotel room leads him on a voyeuristic quest for sexual and emotional release. The amazing thing here is that this ambitious play so often succeeds. Director Lane Savadove’s Hell is flawed — but more important, it’s brave, often astonishing, and demands to be seen. Savadove’s literary bent is well-known in the theater community. Still, it’s a happy surprise to see just how fully he and co-adaptor Ross Beschler have achieved the significant feat of bringing a complex book to the stage. While preserving much of Barbusse’s narrative, they also create a theatrical world that never feels page-bound, and find a voice that is at once contemporary and appropriate for the period. yet intriguing as Savadove and Bechler’s script is, it’s the visual world that really haunts us. This is a staging full of startling surprises and beautiful pictures, all of them rooted in Barbusse’s dreamlike world. Many of the images — and the lives they depict — are still vivid, days after seeing them. Not everything works. The first act is stronger than the second (as the story becomes more concrete, some of the edginess gets lost), and although most of the production values — design as well as performances, including Beschler in the principal role of the Man — are strong, they aren’t always quite equal to the sophisticated conception. But mostly, this is a telling and sometimes triumphant

Dublin by Lamplight

showcase for one of Philadelphia’s most imaginative young theater companies. Through May 15, $30, EgoPo Classic Theater at the German Society, 611 Spring Garden St., 800-595-4849, egopo.org. —david anthony Fox

➤ noT Real, buT TRue Michael West’s Dublin by Lamplight would fascinate even without its commedia del’arte performance style and Kabuki/clown makeup. The convergence of the English king’s first visit to Ireland with the opening of a visionary Irish National Theatre sounds like a Sean O’Casey or John Millington Synge riot-instigator. Director Tom Reing’s inspiring american première at inis nua theatre Co. is plenty riotous. a cast of six plays more than 30 roles, narrating their action and speaking lines straight out to the audience in an exaggerated vaudeville style that’s not only comic, but surprisingly affecting. They strike poses and pantomime with a dancerly combination of grace and specificity; every gesture is clear and important — not real, but true.

The production around them is likewise precise and moving. John Lionarons provides continuous piano accompaniment, wittily exaggerating the melodrama but also amplifying the play’s more serious moments. Costume designer Maggie Baker evokes 1904 Dublin with quick-change pieces, and also designed the garish makeup, which reveals more than it hides. Charlie DelMarcelle plays Willy, a starving playwright staging his mythological epic The Wooing of Emer in hope that it will restore Ireland’s pride and launch his company. Leading lady Eva (Megan Bellwoar) wants to protest the king, however, and Willy’s brother Frank (Jared Michael Delaney) has darker designs. Mike Dees plays a vain actor; Sarah Van auken is star-struck Maggie; and Kevin Meehan plays her lovestruck suitor, Jimmy — but they’re all also enmeshed in a dizzying range of other roles, switching costumes, walks and accents with ease. Never lost in the fuss and fun, though, is Dublin by Lamplight’s very contemporary portrait of a society on the verge of violence, yearning for freedom. Through May 14, $20-$25, Inis Nua at Broad Street Ministry, 315 S. Broad St., 215-454-9776, inisnuatheatre.org. —Mark Cofta

shorts

—Stephen Holden, THE NEW YORK TIMES

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THE DOUBLE HOUR KSENIA RAPPOPORT FILIPPO TIMI

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Films are graded by City PaPer critics a-F.

DIABOLICALLY CLEVER! THE BEST MOVIE OF ITS KIND SINCE ‘TELL NO ONE!’�

“

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movie

A ROMANCE. A ROBBERY. A MYSTERY. NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS.

Something Borrowed

New Cave of forgotteN Dreams|C+ Read Sam Adams’ review on p. 19. (Ritz East)

JumpiNg the Broom A haiku: Two families meet at a wedding and conspire to cheat at limbo. (Not reviewed) (UA 69th St., UA Grant, UA Riverview)

Read Sam Adams’ review on p. 30. (Ritz Five)

somethiNg BorroweD|D

Journalist Roberto (Dougray Scott) doesn’t want to be a father. He’s made this clear to his exceptionally patient and supportive girlfriend, Leila (Golshifteh Farahani), and underlines it again for Solano (Charles Dance), an interview subject who appears for just a minute in Roland JoffÊ’s sort of historical melodrama. The reason, Roberto grumps, is that he hates his own father, manolo (Wes Bentley). To explain why he was such a bad dad, manolo narrates the film’s extended flashbacks, set in 1930s Spain during the civil war, even as he also lies dying in a hospital bed. His overheated story involves romance, betrayal and political intrigue, all swirling around his relationship with the priest JosemarĂ­a EscrivĂĄ (Charlie Cox). When manolo aligns himself with the nationalists, he goes undercover as a spy inside the rebel forces. Here he falls for a Hungarian freedom fighter (Olga Kurylenko) and in turn resents her attentions to an inspirational rebel leader (Rodrigo Santoro). Thus frustrated, manolo turns against the courageous and charismatic JosemarĂ­a (the saint who is opposed to manolo as a sinner). Even with so many layers, manolo’s story is banal and reductive (and his old man’s makeup and Spanish-ish accent are startlingly unconvincing). Roberto discovers that manolo has been keeping a terrible secret, one of the lurking “dragonsâ€? of the film’s title. But after father and son do so much fretting and fuming, the revelation is less startling

STARTS FRIDAY, MAY 6

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31

The problem with most weddings is that insane amounts of worry, stress and arguing over minutiae go into a single day that usually ends up feeling like pretty much every other wedding the guest list has attended. The same could be said for most romantic comedies, but the aptly named Something Borrowed is particularly egregious in its lazy recycling of ideas. On the night of her 30th birthday party, Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) ends up in bed with her old law school study buddy Dex (Colin Egglesfield) — who unfortunately is engaged to her best friend. That would be the selfish, spotlight-hogging Darcy, played by Kate Hudson as a petulant child frozen somewhere between a 6-year-old’s temper tantrum and a sorority girl’s drunken Saturday night. It’s essentially the exact same role she played in the almost as irritating Bride Wars, and she hasn’t discovered a way to make it anything but fingernails-on-chalkboard excruciating. Goodwin and Egglesfield aren’t called on to do much more than suffer through her tirades while mooning adorably at each

there Be DragoNs|C-

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meek’s Cutoff|B+

other, which is where the trouble lies — the issues here could all be ironed out with a couple of conversations, but neither character has the guts to speak up. It’s hard to root for love to win out when the lovers can’t be bothered to care enough to try. —Shaun Brady (Roxy, UA Grant, UA Riverview)

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“

SMART, SEXY AND FUNNY

SOMETHING BORROWED IS SOMETHING TERRIFIC

THE ENTIRE CAST SHINES!” PETE HAMMOND, BOXOFFICE MAGAZINE

than soapy. —Cindy Fuchs (Ritz at the Bourse)

Thor Read Shaun Brady’s review online at citypaper.net/movies. (UA 69th St., UA Grant, UA Main St., UA Riverview)

Gummer), and her restless mother, Vivien (Karen young). all these girls are troubled by the fact that dad martin (Reed Birney) is long uncloseted and happily partnered, and so might or might not be acting out. Their run-ins

Twelve ThirTy|CJeff (Jonathan Groff) has a crush on mel (Portia Reiners). Or so it seems, during the first few minutes of Jeff Lipsky’s sorta melodrama, when he gushes over her school paper story, “The Girl Who Was Ept.” That the girl who wrote it falls for such weak flirtation suggests it’s not autobiographical, or maybe it is, a self-portrait of breathtaking ego. The kids have sex, she sends him off, and then he sets off in pursuit of other prey, including mel’s virginal older sister, maura (mamie

AmBler TheATer

with Jeff are mostly arranged as twoor sometimes three-person exchanges, dropping names like margaret atwood and arnold Palmer (whom the apparently insulated maura has never heard of) or philosophizing about architec-

THE FUNNIEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR! ”

—David Young, Tonightatthemovies.com

A COMIC . MASTERPIECE AND THE BEST PART IS “

IT’S ALL” REAL!

“

I CANNOT REMEMBER AN AUDIENCE

LAUGHING SO LOUDLY OR” SO OFTEN. —Suzanne Van Randwyk, Austin KXAN News

—Pete Hammond, BOXOFFICE Magazine

m a y 5 - m a y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

ture. They’re angry and tedious in obvious ways, their debates less earnest or persuasive than utterly disingenuous. you wonder why they’re talking to each other, much less sleeping with each other. —C.F. (Ritz at the Bourse)

✚ reperTory Film

From the creator of “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND” “ EVEN IF YOU NEVER SAW THE TV SHOW, THIS IS

32 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

[ movie shorts ]

108 E. Butler Ave., Ambler, amblertheater.org. Best of the 2011 Greenfield youth Film Festival: a showcase of award-winning flicks made by aspiring high school-age filmmakers. mon., may 10, 7 p.m., free. Fitzcarraldo (1982, Germany, 158 min.): an eccentric rubber baron tries to build an opera house in the middle of a Peruvian jungle. Wed., may 11, 7 p.m., $8.

The BAlCoNy 1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc. com. The Green Hornet (2011, U.S., 119 min.): In an unlikely match-up, Seth Rogen and Jay Chou play comic book crime-fighters Green Hornet and Kato. Bam! POW! BOOm! mon., may 11, 8 p.m., $3.

ColoNiAl TheATre 227 Bridge St., Phoenixville, 610-9171228, thecolonialtheatre.com. After the Thin Man (1936, U.S., 113 min.): Socialite detectives head to San Francisco to investigate a murder. Sun., may 8, 2 p.m., $8. Maniac (1980, U.S., 87 min.): a New york City serial killer goes on a murderous rampage to deal with the abuse he suffered as a kid. a Q&a with director William Lustig follows the screening. Fri., may 6, 9:45 p.m., $8.

CoUNTy TheATer

WINNER AUDIENCE AWARD

OFFICIAL SELECTION

PHILLY CINEFEST

AUSTIN FILM FESTIVAL 2010

PHIL ROSENTHAL

EXPORTING RAYMOND A REAL COMEDY.

SAMUEL GOLDWYN FILMS AND CULVER ENTERTAINMENT PRESENT A WHERE’S LUNCH PRODUCTION A FULL ON SERVICE PRODUCTION “EXPORTING RAYMOND” MUSIC BY RICK MAROTTA EXECUTIVE PRODUCER JOHN WOLDENBERG PRODUCED BY PHIL ROSENTHAL JIM CZARNECKI WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY PHIL ROSENTHAL exportingraymond-movie.com

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20 E. State St., Doylestown, 215-3456789, countytheater.org. Batman (1989, U.S., 126 min.): In honor of Free Comic Book Day 2011, County Theater’s screening Tim Burton’s first go-’round with the Caped Crusader. Sat., may 7, 10 p.m., $8. Fitzcarraldo (1982, Germany, 158 min.): See ambler Theater listing for details. Wed., may 9, 7 p.m., $8.

peACe CeNTer oF delAwAre CoUNTy 1001 Old Sproul Road, 610-544-1818, delcopeacecenter.org. Inside Job (2010, U.S., 120 min.) This year’s Oscar award-winner for best documentary explores the 2008 financial breakdown that caused the great recession. Fri., may 6, 7 p.m., free.

From the director of BRUCE ALMIGHTY, THE NUTTY PROFESSOR and ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE

A FILM BY KELLY REICHARDT DIRECTOR OF “WENDY AND LUCY�

“MICHELLE WILLIAMS EXCELS!�

A PASSIONATE FILM. It’s what Shadyac was saying all along in his comedies,

“ Dock Street

3701 Chestnut St., 215-895-6535, ihousephilly.org. Poison (1991, U.S., 85 min.) Todd Haynes’ controversial interweaving of three transgressive tales — “Hero,� “Horror� and “Homo� — ignited a vicious right-wing attack when it was released in the early ’90s. Fri., may 6, 7 p.m., $8.

MuGShotS coFFeehouSe anD caFe 2100 Fairmount Ave., 267-514-7145, mugshotscoffeehouse.com. The Mighty Ducks (1992, U.S., 100 min.): Quack is whack. Fri., may 6, 7 p.m., free. Breaking Away (1979, U.S., 101 min.): a teen obsessed with cycling tries to pedal his way into the heart of a female classmate. mon., may 9, 7 p.m., free.

Secret cIneMa Moore College of Art and Design, 1916 Race St., 215-742-4224, thesecretcinema.com. Famous Films iii: Screening organizer Jay Schwartz tosses aside his usual repertoire of obscure films for a night of the century’s most revered shorties, including Hardware Wars (1978, U.S., 13 min.) and Mama’s Little Pirate (1934, U.S., 20 min.). Fri., may 6, 8 p.m., $8.

ELLE MAGAZINE

MEEK’S

-Tad Friend, THE NEW YORKER

What if the solution to the world’s problems was right in front of us all along?

CUTOFF

A Film By Tom Shadyac

the shift is about to hit the fan featuring

DESMOND TUTU • HOWARD ZINN • NOAM CHOMSKY COLEMAN BARKS • LYNNE MCTAGGART and THOM HARTMANN FLYING EYE PRODUCTIONS in association with a HOMEMADE CANVAS PRODUCTION presents a SHADY ACRES FILM Associate Producer NICOLE PRITCHETT Co-Producer JACQUELYN ZAMPELLA Director of Photography ROKO BELIC Executive Producers JENNIFER ABBOTT JONATHAN WATSON Producer DAGAN HANDY Edited by JENNIFER ABBOTT Written and Directed by TOM SHADYAC

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InternatIonal houSe

but this time he’s saying it with feeling.�

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701 S. 50th St., 215-726-2337, dockstreetbeer.com. WALL-E (2008, U.S., 98 min.): E.T. for the next generation. Tue., may 10, 7:30 p.m., $8.

the naked city | feature

[ movie shorts ]

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Center City 215-925-7900

‘The Killing Fields’ ‘The Mission.’â€? Âł>SbS 6O[[]\R 0/19AB/53 ;/5/H7<3

WooDen Shoe 704 South St., 215-413-0999, woodenshoebooks.com. The Billionaires’ America is Faking a Grassroots Revolution (2011, U.S., 54 min.):

australian filmmaker Taki Oldham envelops himself in the Tea Party movement to uncover a paranoiarousing group driven by corruption. Sun., may 1, 7 p.m., free.

3D3< A/7<BA 6/D3 / >/AB

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agenda

the

lisTings@ciTypaper.neT | may 5 - may 11

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the agenda

[ a perfectly baked post-apocalyptic pie ]

BUM RUSH: Kevin Augustine performs Hobo Grunt Cycle at the Arts Bank through May 15.

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/listings.

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iF yOU Want tO Be liSted:

Submit information by mail (City Paper Listings, 123 Chestnut St., Third Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19106) or e-mail (listings@ citypaper.net) to Josh Middleton. Details of the event — date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price — should be included. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

Thursday

5.05 [ dance ]

Aszure BArton With her mikhail Baryshnikov stamp of approval, aszure Barton’s reputation precedes her. So you gotta figure she’s got hot dance chops. “She’s fearless,” says Randy Swartz,

whose Dance affiliates brings Barton to the annenberg Center for her Philadelphia première. “There’s a lot going on everywhere you look. It’s very eye-filling. and one thing does not lead to another with her. It’s constantly surprising.” This weekend’s program, which incudes two works, Busk and Blue Soup, promises to be as eclectic as it is entertaining. Drop by and catch a rising star.

about two kids who may or may not have triggered a nuclear apocalypse when they wander into a missile silo. But what’s with the stuff in question? No Face co-artistic director mark mcCloughan explains, sorta. “Performed in a bunker-like garage, DImE takes physical theater, 1950s sitcoms, and beans and whips them into a perfectly baked post-apocalyptic pie.” The mind, it boggles.

—deni Kasrel

—Kala Jamison

Thu., May 5, 7:30 p.m.; Fri., May 6, 8 p.m.; Sat., May 7, 2 and 8 p.m.; $24-$48, Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts, 3680 Walnut St., 215898-3900, annenbergcenter.org.

Thu.-Fri., May 5-6, 7 p.m.; Sat.-Sun., May 7-8, 2 and 5 p.m.; free with reservation at dime.eventbrite.com, Nospace, 2315 E. Hazzard St., 651210-2512, nofaceperformance.org.

[ performance art ]

[ benefit ]

no FAce PerFormAnce GrouP

mAGic GArdens FiestA

If its dreamy-twee website, full of haphazard collages and weird link logic, is any indication, No Face Performance Group thrives on vaguery. Its latest show, DIME: The Real History of So Much Stuff, is

Instead of staggering from bar to bar this Cinco de mayo, consider a one-stop fiesta at Philadelphia’s magic Gardens for a good cause. The festivities include all the fifth-of-may libations you’re accustomed to

— live Latin jazz, homemade bevs and south-of-the-border hors d’oeuvres — and proceeds benefit youthBuild, a yearlong educational program that offers high school dropouts a second chance to earn their diplomas. ¡muy bueno! —Bianca Brown Thu., May 5, 6-8 p.m., $50, Philadelphia’s Magic Gardens, 1020 South St., 877-849-5327, philadelphiasmagicgardens.org.

[ dance ]

Koresh dAnce co. Thanks to longtime Philly choreographer Ronen Koresh, audiences have a rare opportunity to be involved in the painstaking process as well as the polished performance of a new dance work. anyone with a computer can watch seven episodes tracking Koresh Dance Co. as they create, rehearse and perfect Through the Skin. Once you’ve done your homework, head to Suzanne Roberts Theatre to watch the

première. as Koresh implores, “See what it takes to make all this happen.” —Janet anderson Thu.-Fri., May 5-6, 8 p.m.; Sat., May 7, 2 and 8 p.m.; Sun., May 8, 7 p.m.; $25-$35, Suzanne Roberts Theatre, 480 S. Broad St., 215-985-0420, koreshdance.org.

[ classical ]

curtis oPerA theAter mozart started writing operas before he was shaving, but his first true masterpiece for the stage was Idomeneo, introduced when he was 24. It has all of the hallmarks of the more famous works that would follow, including vivid characterization and brilliant orchestration. The story, based on Greek legend, is a bit creaky, but the blazing passion of the music easily rescues the plot, especially when the superbly inventive Curtis team is at work. George manahan conducts this fully staged produc-

tion, and Chas Rader-Shieber directs the action. —Peter Burwasser Thu.-Sat., May 5-7, 7:30 p.m.; Sun., May 8, 2:30 p.m.; $35; Prince Music Theater, 1412 Chestnut St., 215-8937902, curtis.edu.

[ dance ]

hoBo Grunt cycle It’s been 10 years since former Philadelphian Kevin augustine performed here, but if you saw any of his shows, the handcrafted, life-size puppets are still ingrained in your memory. more recently, augustine’s company, Lone Wolf Tribe, has garnered accolades in NyC, where his piece Bride was named as a Top 10 Show of 2008 by Time Out New York. augustine finally returns to Philly with a new production, Hobo Grunt Cycle, “a meditation on war as seen through the eyes of a clown in the context of a circus.” The work is rife with metaphor, including a dog

Friday

5.06 [ visual art ]

—Shaun Brady

Old SOulS It’s a given that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Sometimes “trash” is just a phase, however, and treasure gets to be reborn with only a

brief pause to slum it in the Dumpster. Wexler Gallery’s new show, “Old Souls (Reincarnated Objects),” presents four artists repurposing found objects that once upon a time

[ theater ]

NiNe Plucky City Theater, “Delaware’s Off-Broadway,” has persevered for 17 years, and continues to produce smart, edgy theater, well worth the drive down I-95. Now they’re first in the area with their own production of Nine, the 1982 Tony award winner. Sure, the maury yeston/arthur Kopit musical based on Federico Fellini’s film 8 1/2 lost cred when the 2009 film tanked, but director michael Gray’s version in the intimate Opera

JOIN

NICOle FeRRaRa

a midlife crisis, pursued by all the beautiful women in his life. —Mark Cofta May 6-21, $15-$40, City Theater Co. at Opera Delaware Studios, 4 S. Poplar St., Wilmington, Del., 302-220-8285, city-theater.org.

Saturday

5.07 [ pop/r&b ]

JaNelle MONáe/ BruNO MarS Hit-making wonderboy Bruno mars and deviant-pop auteur Janelle monáe seem to occupy nearly opposite ends of the contemporary R&B continuum. They were two of 2010’s biggest-deal breakout stars, but the soft-sell, soft-soul slickness and concision of mars’ laidback, chart-pleasing Doo-Wops and

MIXER All singles over the age of 21 are welcome to take advantage of free admission and chances to play great games and win copies of the No Strings Attached Blu-ray™/DVD Combo Pack from Paramount Home Entertainment Wednesday, May 11th • 7pm – 9pm Cavanaugh’s River Deck 417 North Columbus Blvd, Philadelphia, PA (215) 629-7400• www.theriverdeck.com

For your chance to win a copy of the Blu-ray™/DVD Combo Pack, visit www.citypaper.net/win

AVAILABLE ON BLU-RAY™ AND DVD MAY 10!

35

DISCLAIMER: ONE ENTRY PER PERSON. WINNERS WILL BE SELECTED AT RANDOM. EMPLOYEES OF ALL PROMOTIONAL SPONSORS AND PARAMOUNT HOME ENTERTAINMENT ARE INELIGIBLE TO ENTER. MUST BE 21 YEARS OR OLDER TO ATTEND THE EVENT.

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | m a y 5 - m a y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

FOR A

Opening reception Fri., May 6, 5-8 p.m., free, through June 25, Wexler Gallery, 201 N. Third St., 215-9237030, wexlergallery.com.

Delaware Studios features a fine performer — Gray — as an Italian film director suffering

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Through May 15, $20, Arts Bank, 601 S. Broad St., 877-849-5327, uarts.ticketleap.com, lonewolftribe.com.

[ the agenda ]

the agenda

—deni Kasrel

served some personal function. Israeli-born embroidery artist Orly Cogan stitches narrative scenes onto discarded bed linens and handkerchiefs, spinning epic tales onto once-intimate materials. Scottish-born Flore Gardner crafts narratives from found photographs (pictured). atlanta-based artist Brian Dettmer works in the opposite direction, carving away at stories; he makes sculptures from books, whittling information away with surgical tools. all of these items are being given a second life, but Chicago sculptor Jessica Joslin’s raw material actually had a first one; she works with the most personal objects of all, reconstituting bones, fur and feather into sculptures with mechanical parts and other objects.

the naked city | feature | a&e

that represents the idea of a soldier: “I see a strong analogy between an obedient dog and soldier defending the country,” he says. There are war-vet puppets, too, and a poignant message to go along with them. “many people think war gives a big adrenaline kick,” says augustine. “I just want to show the aftermath.”

a&e | feature | the naked city the agenda classifieds | food

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tious critical catnip of Monáe’s sprawling The ArchAndroid (Wondaland/Bad Boy). Still, nobody could rightly deny the main thing these two have in common: Each is tremendously, perhaps even fearsomely, talented. If their genre-hopping, instrument-swapping Grammy ceremony three-way with B.o.B is any indication, the realm of possibility for this co-headlining tour should be almost infinitely expansive.

TH R NOR VICTOA Y SUND BRUNCHy Marys Z JAZ sas & $4 Blood o

$4 Mim

Brewery & Restaurant

M A Y 5 - M A Y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

1516 Sansom Street • Philly 215.569.9525 www.noddingheadphilly.com

bread and butter, but don’t take that to mean the Exhumed boys don’t enjoy a balanced celluloid diet — there are so many other ways to get your RDA of violence and mayhem and extremely bizarre shit outside of the horror realm. Hence the birth of the already-sold-out eX-Fest, a supplementary buffet, running half the time of the ass-numbing Horror-thon and culling a septet of flicks uncomfortably crammed side-by-side on the “exploitation” shelf. The titles, as always, are a secret, but

—K. Ross Hoffman Sat., May 7, 7 p.m., $45, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, N.J., 215-336-2000, livenation.com.

Sund

36 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

[ the agenda ]

Hooligans (Atlantic) could hardly be further from the dazzling, bewildering, conceptually ambi-

[ film ]

EX-FEST Exhumed Films’ 24-Hour Horror-thon quickly went from an anniversary party to a Halloween institution, the pilgrimage site for blood-and-guts-loving cinephiles. Slashers and monsters and zombies may be their

potential genres on the menu range from sci-fi to women-inprison, Euro crime to kung fu to biker and blaxploitation. And the best part about these old drive-in programmers is that some or all of those genres could be mashed together into one delirious stew. —Shaun Brady Sat., May 7, 11 a.m.-11 p.m., sold out, International House, 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, exhumedfilms.com.

Thu 5/5 R5 pResenTs:

Wintersleep

Caveman, The Cinnamon Band FRi 5/6 R5 pResenTs:

Young WidoWs

my disCo, Gods and Queens downsTaiRs: happy houR wiTh ChRis doyle spinninG FRom 5-10p saT 5/7

the sisters 3 (Cd release)

honey waTTs, on The waTeR, dJ slow poke (a.k.a BiRdie BusCh) downsTaiRs: 1sT saTuRday- The BReakFasT CluB hosTed By dJ pRinCess BaskeTCase FRom 11a-3p sun 5/8

the groWlers

adam & dave’s Bloodline downsTaiRs: 2nd sunday- Gospel BRunCh wiTh dJ dna FRom 11a-3p mon 5/9 downsTaiRs: 2nd monday- anoTheR wasTed niGhT wiTh RiChie ChaRles FRom 8p-midniGhT Tue 5/10 downsTaiRs: 2nd Tuesdays- inTeRvals: haRmoniC exploRaTions wiTh sCienCe FaCe FRom 8p-midniGhT wed 5/11 215 pResenTs:

res

dJ phsh

Corner of frankford & Girard. fishtown. www.johnnybrendas.Com

SiSterS 3

LISa SCHaFFER

Sat., May 7, 9 p.m., $10, with Honey Watts, Fletcher on the Water and DJ SlowPoke, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877-435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.

[ dj nights ]

Saturdae Building on the lengthy success of the Sundae party, Lee Jones is teaming up with miss Venus7 to launch a new weekly event on a more traditional party night. The Saturdae launch features the Sisters of House tour, with a couple of NyC’s finest lady DJs, Shej Zandy and Datgurl Curly. also, by utilizing both the interior and patio area, they’ve created a party that works for adults and families. This mother’s Day Eve, Kirkworx will be onsite offering free face paintings

[ the agenda ]

—Gair “dev 79” Marking Sat., May 7, 3-8 p.m., Marathon Grill, 1818 Market St., 215-561-1818, eatmarathon.com.

[ tea/history ]

Mother’S day tea with BetSy roSS These days, tea parties are plagued by poorly written signs and specious arguments about our founding fathers. maybe one of our founding mothers can bring some civility back to tea time. Catered by City Tavern, this mother’s Day Eve tea party at Betsy Ross’ house features a private tour and some face time with the leading lady/accomplished seamstress. Or a reasonable facsimile. —diana Palmieri Sat., May 7, 4-5:30 p.m., $15-$17.50, 239 Arch St., 215-629-5801 ext. 221, betsyrosshouse.org.

[ walk/tour ]

Centennial City Pairing the Please Touch museum with Laurel Hill Cemetery might seem a

little deranged. But their joint effort, The Centennial City — a celebration of the World’s Fair held in Philly in 1876 — makes perfect sense. Before you totally geek out, this is more of a walking tour than a re-creation, tracing the legacy of the Centennial Exhibition,

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vibeyness is your thing, there are certainly songs you’ll dig on Sisters 3’s latest, Coruscate at the Meadow Gate (modern Vintage): the light and playful “Pleiades,” the heartbroken country roads of “Carousel.” But it’s equally impressive to discover how much Corsucate is a true band record. It opens to a rollicking honky-tonk jamboree (“Wolfpack”), moves

—John Vettese

for children 12 and under.

the agenda

It’s rare to hear the Sadler sisters discussed without those three-part harmonies coming up. Cas, Beatrice and anna Christie have worked magic and won hearts with their singing on Hoots and Hellmouth records, at maysies FarmFest, and in their own recordings. If lush, Roaches-esque vocal

down slinky jazz alleyways (“Whistful Wonder”) and slams through rock ’n’ soul anthems (“apocolypse”) that’ll make you regret ever pigeonholing Sisters 3 as a folk trio. It’s OK, though; you can apologize this weekend when Johnny Brenda’s hosts their record release party.

the naked city | feature | a&e

[ folk/pop ]

from memorial Hall, where the telephone, typewriter and Heinz Ketchup debuted, and current home to Please Touch; to Laurel Hill, final home to some of the centennial’s organizers and exhibitors. —eric Schuman Sat., May 7, noon, $50 (includes lunch), Please Touch Museum at Memorial Hall, 4231 Avenue of the Republic, 215228-8200, thelaurelhillcemetery.org.

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | m a y 5 - m a y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

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a&e | feature | the naked city the agenda classifieds | food

TUESDAY

5.10 [ rock/pop ]

THE TWILIGHT SINGERS When your appetite for drugs, food and women is as legendary as your music, one of two things usually happens: You

still in the life. “Don’t mistake me,� he croons in the soulful “Never Seen No Devil.� “Ain’t no ordinary man gonna save me from that shotgun in your hand.� He’s backed by a militia of guitars and violins for times both tough and tender, turning in his most raucous song since early in the Afghan Whigs’ career (“Waves�) and a seething duet with Ani DiFranco (“Blackbird and the Fox�). Can’t say Dulli sold his soul to Lucifer — he might’ve just given it away — but someone’s looking out for him. —M.J. Fine Tue., May 10, 8 p.m., $17-$19, all ages, with Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s, Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215922-6888, thetroc.com.

WEDNESDAY die and become immortal or you quit and lose your mojo. But Greg Dulli’s not much for doing the usual things. Though he swears his chemical days are behind him, Dynamite Steps (Sub Pop), the fifth outing for The Twilight Singers, finds Dulli singing like he’s

lIVE WITH PINK SKUll AND PROWlER. $5

6

FRI M A Y 5 - M A Y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

[ hip-hop ]

SHABAZZ PALACES OutKast used to like to talk

[ the agenda ]

ticulate spitting and visionary Afro-futurism. —K. Ross Hoffman Wed., May 11, 8 p.m., $12, with Thee Satisfaction, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 877-435-9849, kungfunecktie.com.

[ unclassifiable ]

BABY DEE ingly aberrant rap music that really kind of sounds like it was beamed off of some distant asteroid. And what boomerangs back are fractured fragments of lackadaisical Native Tongues nerdiness (shadowy ringleader Palaceer Lazaro, Earth name Ishmael Butler, was once known as Butterfly, one-third of ’90s jazz-rappers Digable Planets), the glitchy, post-apocalyptic beat poetry of Mike Ladd and Anti-Pop Consortium, the sluggishly woozy abstract grooves of cLOUDDEAD and FlyLo and, refracted but resplendent, AndrÊ and Big Boi’s glibly ar-

Singer/songwriter/composer/ multi-instrumentalist Baby Dee has been many things in her remarkable life — church organist, sideshow freak, street musician, giant tricyclist and, once upon a time, a man — but she is above all else a creature of such gentle grace and unassuming sweetness that it’s hard to imagine anyone not being utterly charmed in her presence. The too-short list of the charmed includes Antony (of the Johnsons), to whom she’s often been compared; and Will Oldham, David Tibet and Andrew W.K., all of whom have produced and/or helped release her music.

5

THU

38 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

5.11

about being aliens, but Seattle duo Shabazz Palaces, who’ll drop their full-length Sub Pop debut, Black Up, in June (as the first hip-hop act in the label’s history), craft beguil-

ClUB ANTHEMS & BANGERS EMYND & BO BlIz. $5

7

SAT

8

KEVIN C & “STEADY� EDDIE AUSTIN DOllAR DRINKS TIll 11 NO COVER MON

9

TIGERBEATS INDIE DANCE PARTY, NO COVER

10

TUE

Sat. 5/7 - Indobox w/ Somata, Kinetix 9 p.m. $7 adv/$10 dos All Ages Tues. 5/10 - Fat

50’S/60’S DANCE PARTY. $5 SUN

Fri. 5/6 - Zach Deputy with StereoZoo 9 p.m. $10 adv/$13 dos 21+

$)&&34 +&&34

Tuesday w/ Brass Heaven

$3 Hurricanes, $5 Pitchers & NOLA food specials 7 p.m. $8 21 + Wed. 5/11 - DJ ?uestlove 9 p.m. $10 21+ Fri. 5/13 - Splintered

Sunlight

(Grateful Dead Tribute) 9 p.m. $5 adv/$7 dos All Ages

"/%

BARBAREllA ONlY NO COVER

80’S DANCE PARTY. NO COVER

Mon, May 9th, 8:30pm PBR’S ROCK,PAPER,SCISSORS TOURNAMENT,WEEK 2! $4 16oz PBR & Jim Beam Special during the game! Tues, May 17rd 8pm, No Cover SMILE . New Record Party w/Wil H & Steady Eddie and Friends -spinning,BLUES & RHYTHM,ROCK & ROLL, PSYCH,GARAGE,SURF & SOUL Drink Specials 8-11pm Every Tuesday, 8pm King of the Hill Pool Tournament Wed Nite Open Mic ‘Original Music’ 9pm w/ Dave Robins or Abe the Rockstarr Happy Hour Mondays-Fridays 5-7pm $2.50 Kenzinger Pints & More! Beer of the Month Magic Hat Circus Boy FREE WI-FI

11

WED

Sat, May 7th, 9pm $5 Bulldozer & Damn Broads

SILKCITYPHILLY.COM 5TH & SPRING GARDEN

THURSDAY 5/5 MO $$ NO PROBLEMS GUEST DJ MAJOR TAYLOR

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MONDAY 5/9 4 THE PPL w/ DJ MANIK TUESDAY 5/10 RUBIX QUBE

“PREFACE� EP RELEASE PARTY RICKY RADIO & EMCEE UNLESS FABIAN AKILLES THOMPSON

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WEDNESDAY 5/11

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ED BLAMMO & CASE BLOOM

EVERY 2ND WEDS

the naked city | feature | a&e

Open everyday 5p-2a Kitchen Open All Night Happy Hour Everyday 5p-7p

THURSDAY

FRiDAY

SATURDAY

FRIDAY 5/6 8PM 1st Friday Showcase

House Music on the Main Floor Hip Hop on The Roof

SUNDAY

House Music on the Main Floor Q102 on The Roof

MONDAY

Latin Night/Free Lessons On the Main Floor Mixed Music on The Roof

SATURDAY 5/7 9PM BUZZUNIVERSE The Charles Walker Band The Travelers SUNDAY 5/8 8PM Open Mic Night hosted by Dani Mari

Gro

up Therapy Bar

WHERE BEING ‘DOWN’ IS A GOOD THING!

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Hip Hop on the Main Floor House Music on The Roof

THURSDAY 5/5 Cinco de Mayo Party w/ LP Stiles & Kuf Knotz Margarita specials all day

the agenda

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!!

Wired 96.5 on the Main Floor House Music on The Roof Thursday Birthday - bottle of champagne and cake on the house!

TUESDAY

$2.50 20 oz Yeungling DRAFTS! EVERY FRIDAY! 7 04 Chestnut St. 215.592.9533 L a s Ve g a s L o u n g e . c o m

Hip Hop on the Main Floor w/Strength Dance Competition/ Pole Dancing Oldies Music on The Roof

MONDAY 5/9 9PM Open Jam hosted by Tony Catastrophe

WEDNESDAY

Continuation of Center City Sips 5p-7p Hip Hop on the Roof & Main Floor

WEDNESDAY 5/11 7PM Triumph Dinner & Jazz

116 S.18 th Street 215-568-1020

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~SUNDAY~ Skillet Brunch until 3 pm. $5 Pulled Pork Pubwiches $3 Bud light pints ALL DAY $ 3 Stella Pints & $4 Guinness Pints 9-11p.m

215.238.0379

HAPPY HOUR MON – FRI 5-7

~WEDNESDAY~ $6 Beer Infused Mussel Bowls $3 Rotating Craft Beer Pints (ALL DAY) $2 Blue Moons and $2 U-Call Its10-12am

~FRIDAY~ New Friday Happy Hour $1 High Life and $3 Jameson and Ginger from 6-8pm What’s in the Box Promotion 7-10pm. Buy an Irish Pint and win. $3 Coors Lights ALL DAY! Live Band – Element K

9Th & ChRISTIAN

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | M A Y 5 - M A Y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

~TUESDAY~ $5 Burgers $3 Victory Pints ALL DAY! $2 Well Drinks and $5 Layered Pints 10pm-12am Manayunk’s Best Pub Quiz Starts @ 9pm

DOWNSTAIRS

ON The CORNeR Of

a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds | food

the agenda

Given her audaciously tender vulnerability, her impishly operatic, extravagantly outré vocal style, and her tendency toward delightfully idiosyncratic

albums like the new Regifted Light (Drag City) — probably her most accessible set to date despite consisting mostly of Copland-esque chamber instrumentals — she’s bound to remain lamentably underheard and undercherished. But we can always dream.

issue R&B studio overproduction — unless there really are like 10 of her, all harmonizing at the same time — it’s easy to forget that Philly’s most unsung R&B princess can really sing. But then there are those lovely moments of vocal clarity that creep up to set the record straight. Check out her cradlerockin’ version of “One” (as in the Harry Nilsson tune, not metallica), or the soul-folksy “So What am I.” Good stuff. OK, now go to the1res.com and download her Valentine’s Day mixtape (A Box of Chocolates, mixed by DJ Ni**Sky) because you wanna dance, right? —Patrick rapa Wed., May 11, 9 p.m., $15, with DJ PHSH, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877-435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.

[ the agenda ]

Onion editors Chad Nackers and Joe Garden visit Philly for a multimedia presentation on the current state of media, pop culture and politics. Garden says the opportunity to talk to a live crowd is refreshing, especially since he spends the majority of his time dealing with anonymous emails from angry readers. Non excrementum, Sherlock. —Kala Jamison Wed., May 11, 7 p.m. $15, Mitchell Auditorium, Drexel University, 3128 Market St., 215-895-1029, drexel. edu/westphal.

—K. ross hoffman

[ q&a ] Wed., May 11, 8 p.m., $12, First Unitarian Church Chapel, 2125 Chestnut St., 866-435-9849, r5productions.com.

[ pop/r&b/soul ]

Res

40 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

m a y 5 - m a y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

Sometimes Res’ voice is so overburdened with standard-

Meet the OniOn editORs The Onion likes a good insult, even at their readers’ expense. In fact, their motto used to be “Tu Stultus Es” — Latin for “you are Stupid.” So make sure to ask smart questions when

More on:

citypaper.net For comprehensive event listings, visit c i t y pa p e r . n e t / l i s t i n g s .

foodanddrink

portioncontrol By Drew Lazor

food

Jennet & JULIA

classifieds

➤ EvEryonE’s familiar with Julia Child

Jennet Conant, Thu., May 5, 7:30 p.m., free, Free

neal santos

[ review ]

Undercover Brothers Charcoal’s Mark and Eric Plescha breathe hyper-modern life into charming Yardley. By Adam Erace

CharCoal | 11 S. Delaware Ave., Yardley, 215-493-6394, charcoalbyob.

com, twitter.com/charcoalBYOB. Breakfast and lunch served Tue.-Sun., 8 a.m.-3 p.m.; dinner served Tue.-Sun., 5-9 p.m. Appetizers, $6-$18; entrées, $16-$26; sides, $4; five- to 10-course tastings, $55-$120. BYOB.

T

hirty-two miles outside the city, the quaint town of yardley creeps out of the Delaware like wild mint. Here, land and river entwine like a strand of DNa — the water literally put yardley on the map, as the Buxco town sprung up around the ferry that served as an important part of the link between Jersey and Philly More on: in the 18th century. Today, that symbiosis continues, the scenic waterscape attracting tourists, artists and urban refugees who have preserved this hamlet’s charm, and on a recent cusp-of-spring evening, couples gathered at mulched picnic tables along Delaware avenue, the river beyond a harmless ripple of yoo-Hoo. But as 26- and 29-year-old brothers Eric and mark Plescha know, what the water giveth, the water taketh away. The siblings run Charcoal, an ambitious 70-seat ByOB so close to the Delaware you can read the names of passing pleasure crafts from the stately

citypaper.net

dining room’s second-story windows. major flooding from 2004 to 2006 destroyed the restaurant, a yardley fixture since 1974, owned and operated by their father, anton, since 1995. It took two years to rebuild, and in 2008, Charcoal reopened on stilts, upheld like an eagle’s nest high above the water. mark and Eric grew up around the restaurant, joining the family business as soon as they were old enough to wash a dish. “[after Charcoal reopened] our dad was slowly beginning to retire,” says mark, “and Eric and I began taking over.” Family and rebirth are the themes of Charcoal’s story, and from the open, come-say-hi kitchen to the down-to-earth service, that sense of togetherness colors the dining experience. you’d feel good about eating here even if the Plescha boys were feeding you cut-rate omelettes and turkey clubs. That’s their game during breakfast and lunch, but come night, the ambitious brothers have other ideas. among them, a compressed watermelon cube furnished with inky, intense black tahini, micro-cilantro and a more food and fruity pouf of Kool-aid air. It’s an amuse drink coverage bouche with something to say: Don’t judge at c i t y p a p e r . n e t / me by my ZIP code. m e a lt i c k e t. Back in Philly, Kool-aid air might evoke a smirk at best and a sneer at worst, but in yardley, it doesn’t feel like gimmickry. Ditto for the nitro custards, sous-vide mains, powders, foams and a single variety of cardamom-scented “dirt” — an almond-flour streusel recipe simply colored with cocoa — scattered about a golden heirloom tomato salad. Entirely self-taught in the arena of scientific cooking, the Pleschas pore over cookbooks, eat in progressive restaurants — the cube of >>> continued on page 43

41

Library, Central Branch, 1901 Vine St., 215-567-4341, freelibrary.org.

DIRTY WORK: At Yardley’s Charcoal, brothers Mark and Eric Plescha play with modern elements, like the cardamom “dirt” alongside an heirloom tomato and ramp ice cream salad.

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | m a y 5 - m a y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

the chef, but not all of her admirers know that prior to her cooking career, she dabbled in World War II espionage, stationed in far-flung locales developing black propaganda for America’s Office of Strategic Services (OSS). Those chapters of the well-to-do California native’s life — they preceded her revelatory postwar stint in Paris — have been captured with three-dimensional zeal in Jennet Conant’s A Covert Affair: Julia Child and Paul Child in the OSS (Simon & Schuster, April 5). The urbane Conant (The Irregulars, Tuxedo Park), is a wry student of history whose research helps wrangle in the complex story of Child and her husband, Paul. They met stationed in Sri Lanka while they worked for the OSS, which employed so many colorful, off-center creatives that it carried “the lenient, idiosyncratic atmosphere of a small college.”Drawing from the Childs’ own diaries and letters, Affair provides a meticulous glimpse into the couple’s stutter-stop courtship, with the Second Red Scare serving as the oft-stultifying backdrop. Paul, who from his writings comes off as a selfinvolved hand-wringer who overanalyzes himself into states of temporary misery, was not immediately taken with the co-worker he knew as Julia McWilliams — she was “a warm and witty girl with long legs,” but did not fit his romantic ideal. In part, a love of food — Paul encouraged her to attend Le Cordon Bleu — helped them come together, but this is not a food book. It’s a war buff’s book with food on the side, as evidenced by the pages Conant (who’s at the Free Library tonight) dedicates to the screaming bureaucracy of the OSS, its kooky cast and the scary moments brought on by anti-Commie mania. (In 1955, Paul was dragged to D.C. by two of McCarthy’s agents, in connection with Jane Foster — perhaps the primary focus of this book, but by no means a household name — an OSS friend and suspected Soviet mole.) Those fascinated exclusively by Child’s culinary accomplishments will not take to Affair, but her truest fans will appreciate the insights into her character.The born tomboy held her own in the outdoors; “she had thought nothing of bagging 16 ducks and bringing them home with just as many friends for dinner.” And in China, she took to the practice of bribing informants with opium, meaning you can technically call Julia Child an ex-drug slinger. (drew.lazor@citypaper.net)

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda

f&d

the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city

[ the week in eats ]

WHAT’S COOKING

citypaper.net [ New aNd Improved ] gracetavern.com

food classifieds

[ food & drink ]

Join us for Mother’s Day Brunch Buffet Sunday May 8th 10 am – 3pm

Beer Goggles Dinner at Varga Bar Tue., May 10,

(last seating at 3pm)

$30 per person $15 children 3-12

6/6:30 p.m. and 8/8:30 p.m., $60 ➤ Chef Evan Turney has conceived a hearty five-course dinner for offal lovers and artisan beer sluggers, each plate paired with a complementary high-ABV local craft beer. Look forward to parm- and herb-crusted beef cheeks with ramp and sage polenta next to Flying Fish’s dank, citrusy Exit 4; and veal sweetbreads with favas, carrots and morels, paired with Weyerbacher’s Tiny, a not-small-at-all Imperial Stout. Fresh head cheese and pig trotters make their way into the tasting, as well. Reservations recommended. Varga Bar, 941 Spruce St., 215-627-5200, vargabar.com.

Seating in the Grand Ballroom of the Radisson Plaza-Warwick Hotel Large Parties Welcome

Reservations available on line or by calling 215-790-7758

Meal Ticket to BizBites Wed., May 11, 5-7 p.m., $35 ➤

City Paper is teaming up with the Philadelphia Business Journal to throw a happy hour, tasting and panel discussion centered on the Philly restaurant scene. (The event celebrates the May 12 release of CP’s full-color Meal Ticket magazine!) Snack on samples from Koo Zee Doo, Oyster House, Delicatessen, Maru Global and others, then stick around for a panel featuring Mitch Prenksy (Supper), Dana Herbert (Desserts by Dana and TLC’s Next Great Baker winner), Moon Krapugthong (Chabaa Thai), Peter Van Allen of PBJ and our own Drew Lazor. Ticket price includes restaurant guide and the chance to win more than $300 worth of dining gift certificates. TRUST, 249 Arch St., 215-592-8400, tinyurl.com/MealTix2BizBites.

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220 S. 17th St. (215) 790-1799 tavern17restaurant.com

Block Party and IPA Fest at Hawthornes Sat., May

thai Cuisine Happy Mother’s Day! Bring Your Mother To Erawan and let us Spoil her !

925 Arch St Phila., PA. 19107 T:215-922-7135 www. Erawanchinatown.com Dinner. Sun-Thurs 4:00pm - 10:00pm Fri-Sat. 4:00pm - 10:30pm

7, 4-8 p.m., pay as you go ➤ Your friends at Hawthornes love India Pale Ales, and of course spring. To celebrate they’re lavishing their ’hood with a lineup of 27 different IPAs and a barbecue with classic fixins. Among the two dozen brews, each priced at $5 (cash only), expect surprises to add to your IPA repertoire, from Dock Street’s Pimp My Rye to Cigar City’s Peach Jai Alai IPA. Hawthornes, 738 S. 11th St., 215-627-3012, hawthornescafe.com. Mother’s Day Brunch at R2L Sun., May 8, 11 a.m.-2

p.m., $45 ➤ R2L launches Sunday brunch this week and has a special menu in store for moms. The Mother’s Day prix-fixe will feature raw bar items; watermelon and tomato panzanella salad; brunch pizzas; creamed chipped lobster over French toast; and more. Sundays to come will feature an a la carte format. R2L, Two Liberty Place, 50 S. 16th St., 37th floor, 215-564-5337, r2lrestaurant.com. —Laurel Rose Purdy

<<< continued from page 41

The chefs know their way around an immersion circulator.

By Drew Lazor

MIDDLE EASTERN & LEBANESE CUISINE SINCE 1986

Mediterranean Cuisine .Open 7 days a week Hummus, Kibeh, Kabob, Grape Leaves, Falafel, and Seafood specialty 616 S. 2nd Street 215.925.4950 www.cedarsrestaurant.com

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8 ;@==<I<EK 9FKKC< FE JG<:@8C <M<IP ;8P ➤ NOW SEATING Spread Bagelry | Larry Rosenblum and Mark Cosgrove

have opened up the first Montreal-style bagel joint in the States with Spread in Rittenhouse. Montreal’s bagels differ from New York-style ones in shape, flavor and texture; the Canucks boil theirs in honeyed water, then bake them in a wood-burning oven, a setup the owners have re-created here. They offer plain, sesame, poppy, everything and whole wheat bagels with housemade schmears, plus signature sandwiches like the “Spread Special� (housemade whitefish salad, cream cheese, onion, tomato) and the frittata scramble (cheddar, roasted tomato, Lancaster smoked turkey bacon). They’re open daily from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., with sit-down brunch service (they provide Bloody Mary mix, BYO vodka) on Saturdays and Sundays. 262 S. 20th St., 215-519-5236, spreadbagelry.com. Saxbys Coffee | The locally based Saxbys chain has

open a flagship cafÊ of sorts at 20th and Walnut. This location features an expanded coffee/drink menu as well smoothies, frozen yogurt and a soup, salad and sandwich selection. The shop’s also got free WiFi and iPads built right into six of its tables to encourage webby lingering. Hours: Sun.-Thu., 6 a.m.-10 p.m.; Fri., 6 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sat., 7 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sun., 7 a.m.-9 p.m. 2006 Walnut St., 215965-1580, saxbyscoffee.com.

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➤ LITTLE VITTLES

Be sure to pick up copies of both City Paper and Philadelphia Business Journal next Thursday, May 12: Inside you’ll find a full-color, in-print offshoot of our food blog, Meal Ticket (citypaper.net/mealticket). Check out What’s Cooking on p. 42 for more on the coinciding event scheduled for Wed., May 11. ➤ Krispy Kreme opened a Center City location at 16th and Chestnut on May 4. ➤ Brendan Hartranft and Leigh Maida, owners of Memphis Taproom, Resurrection Ale House and Local 44, are working on adding a takeout bottle shop to the latter bar (4333 Spruce St.) by this fall. Got A Tip? Please send restaurant news to drew.lazor@citypaper.net

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43

or call 215-735-8444, ext. 218.

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | M A Y 5 - M A Y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

fried hollandaise with their hanger steak and “eggsâ€? is a tribute to Wylie Dufresne’s New York restaurant WD-50 — and experiment endlessly. It’s not uncommon for the pair to stay after closing, until 1:30 or 2 in the morning, “playing around with flavors and techniques.â€? Some of them need a bit more practice. Cracked open, the hollandaise didn’t flow out as smoothly as I’m sure it does as WD-50, and the liquid-nitro caramel ice cream tasted bitter and medicinal — though I was charmed by the “chewy bananaâ€? crumbles beneath. Aromatic housemade five-spice and clever, quick-pickled kimchi were naturals for duck breast, but more salt would have sharpened those flavors. The chefs know their way around an immersion circulator, though, their preferred cooking vehicle for everything from octopus and eggs to that hanger steak. A marinade in roasted vegetables, mustard and vinegar tenderizes the beef for two days; two hours at 55 degrees Celsius and a quick trip to the grill finishes the job. Rubbed down with root beer spices (sassafras, juniper and star anise, to name a few), the short ribs go four days — four days! — in a super-low sous vide that maintains a medium-rare interior. Scented with more star anise, roasted fennel purĂŠe reinforced the beef’s licorice backdrop, a white raisin-studded, grilled pistachio-dusted ode to a burger and a root beer from the nearby A&W stand, a favorite of Eric’s girlfriend. Equal parts playful and thoughtful, the brothers have a knack for creative pairings: octopus (sous vide) and lychee (purĂŠed); beets (roasted) and coffee (oil); hamachi (raw), honeydew (compressed) and white chocolate (powder). Beautifully seared scallops got two different preps: sticky caramelized fennel, velvety acorn-squash purĂŠe, juicy pear and bitter cocoa nibs bid arrivaderci to winter; while blanched and buttered peas, floral champagne mango and cracked coffee beans said hiya to spring. Ramps, those wild envoys of April, flavored a brilliant ice cream set on the heirloom tomato salad’s cardamom dirt. Semisweet and faintly garlicky, I’d gladly eat it with a waffle cone and rainbow jimmies, and secretly, I hoped for a bowl for dessert. Cast-iron pots of bread pudding weren’t a bad consolation. Bejeweled with blueberries and elderberries, topped with silky maple ice cream, the dessert evoked a stack of French toast drizzled with syrup. Except for the ice cream being made to order with liquid nitrogen, it’s an uncharacteristically straightforward preparation, but Eric concedes, “I feel like I can make a pretty badass bread pudding.â€? He and Mark make a lot of badass things, strong evidence for Charcoal’s advance-notice-only tasting menus. Each is custom-made, an orchestra of on- and off-menu items, nightly specials and on-the-fly creations. My server explained, “This is what they love to do,â€? which resulted in extra amuses, pre-desserts and bonus courses that ballooned my $55 five courses to eight at no extra charge. The Plescha brothers’ passion and enthusiasm flows like an electrical current through Charcoal. They get excited. The staff gets excited. The diners get excited. As each course was served, the brothers peered through the pass, studying the dining room and, just maybe, the Delaware River below. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

feedingfrenzy

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda

[ food & drink ]

Undercover Brothers

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

[ i love you, i hate you ] BEAUTIFUL GIRL You always get on the Broad Street Subway at the Ellsworth-Federal stop around 9:30am. I once told you how so very pretty you are. Now when I see you, I feel embarrassed. I guess I scared you cause I’m much older than you. I try not to look at you, but I can’t help it. You never look at me, and I guess that’s understandable. I’m sorry if I scared you, I only intended to speak my heart. I STILL think you’re SO beautiful after all this time!! I STILL dream about you after all this time! I’d be VERY surprised if you’re even single. But I guess that would be a moot point. I’ll never have the courage to walk up to you again, because you may get on a different car, and I won’t even get to admire your beauty anymore, so I’d better leave well enough alone. :-)

4. You grow on people, but so does cancer. 5. You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you’re doing your best. Oh wait one more. I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are. Signed, The chick who’s sitting on the couch. <P>

HOGS: FIX YOUR PIPES To the old, fat, motorcycle-riders in Philly: you are obviously overcompensating for said old, fat ass and a tiny cock which your Medicare-subsidized Viagra can’t help. Your loud bike is impressing no one. Do everyone a favor and get your exhaust

SO FUNNY! When we first met everything was coo, but when you got your new phone and I called you, you acted as if you can’t talk anymore. So you know what I am not going to call you anymore! I am getting tired of wasting my time on your weak ass, you dumb ass bitches! So stay in D.C. and while your in D.C. you can suck a fat dick and choke on the shit cause I am done!

SAME SHIT! We all seem to be grateful for what we have but

CAN’T WAIT to see you! I have been thinking about you often... this is actually one of my fantasies that I wanted to fulfill. I have always wanted to fuck a married woman. If you can fuck as good as you can spank me we are going to have a hell of a time! The chocolate syrup is waiting for me to pour on your nice big breasts and suck them like they are a bottle!

GRAND OPENING FRIDAY MAY 6th

The way your shoes sat on the floor. How wide you could spread your toes like Jaws and how somehow it scared me. The twinkle in your eyes, that I can still see. Upon arrival, the way you smelled me as if I was your last breath. The song you created every time you walked behind me. The way that food tasted, back when it had flavor. You scaring me while I was in the shower. Anything and everything that happened with you. These are a few of my favorite things.

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DEAR ICK

HEY CUNT I’ll make this quick and simple since I doubt you can keep up. 1. There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them. 2. I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. 3. I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

THE OTHER NIGHT How dare you hang up on me the other night, while we were having our little discussion! You are not on my level to have this conversation we had the other night! You are nothing but a piece of big dookie shit! I didn’t wanna be bothered with you in the first place. You were the bitch that found me on that stupid ass facebook shit! And sweating me and telling me how good I looked and how nobody has snatched me up yet! You fat dookie bitch I don’t need you telling me that I look good, I know I look good! You better hope someone takes your dumb ass because the two children that you have are actually funning you. You don’t have to ever, ever waste my time and calling you, so I hope you have a nice life, you piece of dookie shit bitch! Your not fucking worthy for me to fuck you anyway!

VIKING LOVE

COUNTLESS CURLS

Isn’t it funny how some people will make sly remarks and give dirty looks from a distance, but are too gutless and cowardly to say it to your face? Reasons like that are why little girls like you make me throw back my head and laugh so maybe your purpose of living isn’t completely wasted. My oh my I’m so jealous of you, I wish I could run away from my problems and hide out at my boyfriends. Man I wish I could be just like you, weaving lies and telling sad tales hoping people would feel bad for me so I can live in their house with no responsibility’s while starting drama then crying when the lies catch up to me. Didn’t your mother ever teach you how to be a real lady? Mine did and maybe that’s why I’m not two faced like you or maybe it’s just because I rarely even acknowledge your existence anymore. I’m way to old for this ‘he said, she said’ bullshit. Sorry we couldn’t be friends but picking on someone mentally challenge is bad mojo on my part. P.S If you’re reading this I’m just so darn proud, didn’t think you had it in you. Signed, The lady who is sleeping with the enemy.

walk (where you should be) the bus will come just as fast. If you stand on the sidewalk, you also have the added benefit of not getting nailed in the face with my U-Lock when I snap and start thinning the heard. Survival of the smartest dumb-dumbs, look out!

NIKKI BENZ FRIDAY MAY 6th & SATURDAY MAY 7th Performing 2 Shows Nightly At 10:00pm And Midnight % < 0ZOQY 6]`aS >WYS ;]c\b 3^V`OW[ <8 & #'

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I’m sarcastic, whiny, bitchy and annoying. I have no real goals but many dreams. I cry over the dumbest things like my toast getting burnt so I’m everything but perfect. You’d expect someone like me to want just a boy to hold her, sooth her dragon spirit and be anything but an asshole. Nah I want a hardcore rough around the edges guy. A guy who is bubblegum and nicotine, A guy who understands people are artificially flavored and dangerously addicting. I want a warrior man with messy hair and eyes of thunder. Someone who is wrong in all the right places, A guy who understand we are not ideal or perfect but somehow we work. We would defy every rule, ever boundary we’ve ever been taught to respect, crossing state lines and diving into the deep end of madness, but I bet we can prove there will never be a more beautiful flaw than us. I want a plane crash of a boy who I can cling to and be his flames. Someone who would wake me at 3 in the morning to tell me to get dressed because we are going to wander though the city with no real destination. Someone who is random and unexplainable. I found that man this year and there is no way I’m letting go anytime soon. I love you dear Viking, thank you for giving this love a chance.

WASHINGTON AVE. fixed so we don’t have to hear you roaring down the street, setting off car alarms in your wake. The visual assault is bad enough. To young dudes with loud bikes: you will be that gross old man some day, so do yourself a favor and stop being a prick now. There’s still hope for you yet.

PUBLIC ASSISTANCE BITCH! How dare you call me knowing that I have a toothache and going to have a conversation about something you know nothing about. You don’t have to ever worry about me, calling you ever again. Because you are nothing but a fat piece of turd bitch! Al you do is use people anyway and have no real concept of the word friendship! You’re nothing but a fat trick ass bitch!

damn, how are you going to talk to me everyday and then talk about someone else? Are you forgetting to brush your fucking teeth! I am frankly tired of the shit, it really smells, and if someone offers you some gum or something, take that shit and bring that shit back to the back of your mouth. Maybe you need a laxative and don’t know it! I am really tired of smelling it! I could imagine your body odor, do you even shave the private area around your penis! This is really ridiculous! I am tired of it can’t you tell! You really need to do something with you hygeine.

To the assholes with the ugly silver pt cruiser and striped fubu shirts from 1999 blasting shitty music on the street corner at noon on a sunday: some people work nights and some people work sunday nights and noon is very fucking early! so when you come out to eat in your sunday best and try testing your waitress’ patience dont be surprised if you dont get what your looking for because I NEED SLEEP. assholes.

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ACROSS 1 Sped in a straight line 10 Raising a lot of doubt 12 It sounds like a fruit, but it’s really a jellyfish 14 Encircled 15 Wombs 16 New Mexico art colony 18 “Just ___ suspected...” 19 Reaches 21 Series set in Las Vegas 22 Musical heavy on the percussion 24 Liquor has it: abbr. 25 It’ll get you on the bus, maybe 27 Like the highest courts 29 The world of school 31 Some T-shirt decals 32 Like 0, but not O 33 Element with the shortest name 34 Unqualified for, as a task 36 AC measurement 37 Stick that goes off 38 Apartment levels 39 ___ Lingus (Irish airline) 40 Tiger’s ex 42 Fencing swords 43 Bum, but dirtier 44 “___ M for Mature” 46 Turkish money 47 Laptop connection 53 Allowed on public roads, unlike

most ATVs 54 It uses a rake and sand

DOWN 1 2 3 4 5 6

7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 17 19 20 23 26 28

“Consarn it!” Krivoy ___ (Ukrainian city) Concerning Linguist’s non-sound Close after opening Teen movie franchise whose box set is titled “The Full Reveal” Word before boy or fever Summer, in St. Tropez Juicy info Disease diagnosed by dentists Restaurant chain of “Old Country Stores” Patricia Arquette, to Courteney Cox He don’t like rackin’ frackin’ varmints Installer who works with natural fuel, in Britain Way-too-easy jobs Barbecuers’ garb John of “Full House” Their shirt buttons are on the right Honorific poem “Make ___ of it”

©2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

30 Meet ___ (romantic comedy scenes) 35 Suffix for press 41 Multiplayer card game with elements of solitaire 43 One of Carrie’s “Sex and the City” boyfriends 45 Where dat thing goes, in Brooklyn 46 Theater box 48 Spy novelist Deighton 49 Brain wave monitor: abbr. 50 Depot stop: abbr. 51 Digital ___ camera 52 Club ___

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

FAIRMOUNT

&,%! -ARKET THIS SAT, MAY 7 TH (Rain Date - Sat. 5/14)

Surrounding the Historic Eastern State Penitentiary 22nd & Fairmount 9 A.M. til 5 P.M.

Find That Perfect Gift For Mothers Day! More Than 175 Vendors Featuring Antiques, Collectibles, Vintage Furniture, Antique Jewelry, Vintage Clothing & Accessories, Glassware, Pottery, Home Furnishings & Much More! Free Admission / Parking Available In The Adjacent Lot

More Info: 215-625-FLEA (3532) For Our Entire Spring/Summer Schedule Log onto

www.PhilaFleaMarkets.org

Use 820 Spring Garden St, 19123 for GPS Directions

Automotive Marketplace

ADOPTION

UNIQUE ADOPTIONS. Let us help! Personalized Adoption Plans. Financial assistance, housing relocation and more. Giving the gift of life? You deserve the best. Call us first! 1-888-637-8200 24-hours hotline.

2009 LEXUS RX350 AWD

ADOPTION

ATTEND COLLEGE ONLINE

ADOPT: A loving, young, financially stable married couple yearns to adopt a baby. Expenses paid. Carly & Trevor, 1-800-619-4873. PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION?

Public Notices NOTICES

Pursuant to $128.85 of the Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture Title 7 regulations, GROWMARK FS, LLC. hereby gives notice of ground application of “Restricted Use Pesticides� for the protection of agricultural crops in municipalities in Pennsylvania during the next 45 days. Residents of contiguous property to our application sites should contact your local GROWMARK FS, LLC, facility for additional information. Concerned Citizens should contact: Michael Layton, MGR. Safety & Environment, mlayton@growmarkfs.com GROWMARK FS LLC.308 N.E. Front Street, Milford, DE 19963. Call 302-422-3002.

ORGANIC SOAPS AND MORE

16K mi, Auto, Warranty, Clean title, 1 owner, fully loaded! $22,400 obo. frankpt11@msn. com, (717) 865-0730

Get healthier look, feel better with organic personal hygiene products available at www.SalamandraNaturals. net. Enjoy!

Business Services

VIAGRA

from Home. *Medical *Business *Paralegal *Computers *Criminal Justice. Job placement assistance. Computer available. Financial Aid if qualified. Call 888-220-3984 www. CenturaOnline.com. BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

Do you earn $800 in a day? Your own Local Candy Route! 25 Machines and Candy All for $9995. 877-915-8222 All Major Credit Cards Accepted! REGULAR MASSAGE THERAPY

Special Price! Call (215)-8734835. 1218 Chestnut St.

Business Opportunity 99 CENT WHOLESALER HIRING

PA Outdoor salesman W/two years experience /W car F/T. Salary Plus Commision. Sam 646-529-8575 Tyroneimports@hotmail.com

For Sale BUDDYBEARBABY.ORG

quality hand made stuffed bears. Also a great gift.

HELP WANTED DRIVER

Drivers-No Experience -No Problem. 100% Paid CDL Training. Immediate Benefits. 20/10 program. Trainers Earn up to $.49 per mile! CRST VAN EXPEDITED 800-326-2778 www.JoinCRST.com. HELP WANTED DRIVER

100MG and CIALIS 20mg! 40 Pills + 4 FREE only $99! #1 Male Enhancement, Discreet Shipping. SAVE $500 BUY THE BLUE PILL NOW!!! 1-888-862-9307.

Drivers: CDL-A DRIVERS NEEDED! OTR, Regional & Dedicated Runs. Up to $.50 per mile! Class A-CDL & Hazmat Req’d. 800-9422104 Ext. 238 or 243 www. totalms.com.

Help Wanted

HELP WANTED DRIVER

AIRLINES ARE HIRING:

Train for high paying Aviation Maintenance Career. FAA approved program. Financial aid if qualified-Housing available. CALL Aviation Institute of Maintenance (888) 8349715. HELP WANTED

International Cultural Exchange Representative: Earn supplemental income placing and supervising high school exchange students. Volunteer host families also needed. Promote world peace! 1-866-GOAFICE or www.afice.org

Save up to $.32/gal using our Fuel Discount Network! Looking for Small Fleet Owners or Owner Operators. Earn $2.00/ mi! 866-970-2778. HELP WANTED DRIVER

TRUCK DRIVERS WANTED! 2011 PAY RAISE! UP TO $.52 PER MILE! HOME WEEKENDS! EXCELLENT BENEFITS! NEW EQUIPMENT! HEARTLAND EXPRESS 1-800-441-4953 www.heartlandexpress.com

REAL ESTATE APPRAISERS: Certified w/minimum 5yrs experience & ACI knowledge to cover Eastern, PA. Fax resume: 500-675-9392 Or Call: 800-477-5187. $$$ HELP WANTED $$$

PAID IN ADVANCE!

Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-4057619 Ext. 2450 http://www. easywork-greatpay.com.

LAND FOR SALE

Potter County-Attention Fisherman! 4 acres with Pine Creek Frontage west of Galeton. Standard Perc, electric, flat, wooded, $59,900. Owner Financing.

Apt for Rent REAL ESTATE FOR RENT

15th/ Spruce: Terrific Studio in Art Deco Hi-rise, Great location! Desk Attendant, HW Flrs, Onsite Laundry, Decorative Moldings, Wonderful City Views. $990/Mo. Avail July. 215-7358030 Lic #219789 REAL ESTATE FOR RENT

15th/ Spruce: Beautiful Art Deco High-rise 1Bdrm Apt, Attendant, HW Flrs, Updated Kitchen, Onsite laundry Intercom Entry, Amazing Location! From $1120/Mo. 215-735-8030 REAL ESTATE FOR RENT

9th/ Pine: Charming Studio in Brownstone, High Ceilings, HW flrs, Separate Kitch, Intercom Entry, Onsite laundry. $695/ Mo.

Avail Mid June. 215-735-8030 lIc #216245

Roommates ALL AREAS-ROOMATES. COM

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http:// www.Roommates.com.

Make $1,000 a Week mailing brochures from home! Guaranteed Income! FREE Supplies! No experience required. Star t Immediately! www. homemailerprogram.net

To advertise, call Chris at 215-825-2486.

Vacation Rental VACATION RENTALS

NORTH WILWOOD, NJ-FLORENTINE FAMILY MOTEL Beach/Boardwalk Block, Heated Pools, Efficinecy/ Motel units refrigerator, elevator. Color Brochure/Specials 609522-4075 DEPT. 104 www. florentinemotel.com. VACATION RENTALS

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily. Holiday Real Estate. 1-800638-2102 Online reservations: www.holidayoc.com.

@2?C602@

William A. Torchia, Esquire ConCierge LegaL ServiCeS generaL PraCtiCe – eState & tax PLanning

1420 Walnut Street, Suite 1216 215-546-1950; watorchia@gmail.com Williamtorchiaesquire.vpweb.com

STOP

HELP WANTED DRIVER

TWO CENT PAY RAISE NOW OFFERED FOR NEW DRIVERS! Plus 2 day orientation, high miles, excellent equipment, dry van and flatbed freight $500 Sign-On Bonus for Flatbed. CDL-A, 6mo. OTR. 888-801-5295.

HELP WANTED

Land/ Lots for Sale

classifieds

Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions 866-413-6293.

Health Services

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

Adoptions

Carpet, Tile and Upholstery Cleaners Commercial • Residential

215-744-1582

BILL COLLECTORS FROM CALLING & HARASSING YOU & RECEIVE UP TO $1,000. NO ATTORNEY’S FEES/COST TO YOU. BW Consumer Lawyers Attorneys Blitshtein & Weiss

215-364-4900

All Products Non-Toxic • Pet & Kid Friendly Fully Insured

Offices in Philadelphia and Southampton. Serving Philadelphia, Bucks, Montgomery, Chester and Delaware Counties.

BARRY FISHER ELECTRICIAN

The Law Offices of Debra D. Rainey

“LOWEST PRICES IN THE CITY�

•100 Amp Circuit Breaker •Ceiling Fan Installation •Outlets •House Wiring •AC/WD Lines •Home Inspection Repairs

www.BarryFisherElectrician.com (215) 927-0234 Licensed & Insured. Over 42 Yrs Exp! All Work Guaranteed. Immediate Service. Licensed #16493. PA-040852

The Compassionate Lawyer

One Penn Center 1617 JFK Blvd., Suite 1010 Philadelphia PA, 19103

215-972-8700 www.DebraRaineyLaw.com

@B/<E<;2 A?2.A:2;A ARS will get you the help you need‌now.

:\`a 6[`b_N[PR` .PPR]aRQ 6[PYbQV[T .PPR`` N[Q 8Rf`a\[R :R_Pf Center City Office NOW OPEN! Two Penn Center, Suite 200 Philadelphia

CRIMINAL LAW PERSONAL INJURY EMPLOYMENT LAW Call Attorney

Derek Steenson Accessible Recovery Services

=YRN`R PNYY' %%% & !$ % #aU N[Q :N_XRa ?VTUa [RN_ @bOb_ON[ @aNaV\[

FREE CONSULTATION

53

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877- 466- 3937

407 S. 10th St. Philadelphia, PA 19107

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | M A Y 5 - M A Y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

CRIMINAL LAW FAMILY LAW IMMIGRATION LAW EMPLOYMENT LAW GENERAL PRACTICE BUSINESS LAW

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

merchandise market TO OUR READERS

Advertisements are the property of Philadelphia Media Network and/or its advertisers and are subject to contracts between them. The classified listings and individual advertisements are subject to the copyright in this edition owned by PMN and/or to copyright interests owned by its advertisers and/or PMN. Reproduction, display, transmission or distribution of the listings or individual advertisements in any format without express permission of PMN and/or its advertisers is prohibited.

TO OUR ADVERTISERS

By placing an advertisement, you agree that the advertisement as it appears will become the property of Philadelphia Media Network and you assign to PMN all ownership interest, under the Copyright Act of otherwise, in the advertisement as it appears in the newspaper. Unless notified to the contrary by PMN, you are granted a license to place the same ad in the media. Delinquent accounts are subject to reasonable collection charges.

Bridgeton, NJ 08302 199 Sheppards Mill Rd. Sat. April 30, 9am-2pm. DECOY YARD SALE. Rain Date Sun. May 1st

Cash for Comics: 1940-1970’s Collectors Welcome. 215-510-4372

Philadelphia Comic Book Convention Thousands & Thousands of comic books from 1940’s to present, Dealers from 5 states, admission $3 per person, Bring this ad for (1) free admission. Visit www.philadelphiacomic-con.com Sunday May 1st 10am-4pm , Ramada, Phila Airport, 76 Industrial Hwy (Rt 291) Essington, PA 19029. Call 856-217-5737

Desktops/Laptops & Repairs/ Upgrades net ready. Incl MS Ofc,$175 (215)292.4145 Laptops Net Ready, MS Office, Wireless From $179. 500 games $10, 610.453.2525

Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-689-8476 Arcade video games pinball machine, shuffle bowl alley Trade for new carpeting tntquality@aol.com 215-783-0823

BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.50s sf (215)365-5826 CABINETS Glazed maple, brand new, never installed, solid wood/dovetail. Crown molding. Can add or subtract to fit kit. Cost $6400 Sell $1595 610-952-0033 Grass Fed Eggs - Ask your local grocer for Natures Yoke grass fed pastured eggs. www.naturesyoke.com POOL TABLE Gorgeous 8’ solid wood 1" slate, lthr pckts, dec legs & access/ Nvr used, $4500, Sell $1495. 610-476-8889

BD MATTRESS Luxury Firm w/box sprIng Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399. 610-952-0033

BDRM SET: Solid Cherry Sleigh Bed, Dresser, Mirror, Chest, & 2 Nite Stands. High Quality. One month old, Must sell. Cost $6000 ask. $1500. 610-952-0033 BED A brand new Queen pillow top mattress set w/warr. $249; Full $229; King $349. Memory Foam $295. 215-752-0911

54 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

M a y 5 - M a y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

everything pets

PERSIAN Kittens, red, silver, torti, cream, $200. Delivery. 610-781-4779 RAGDOLL KITTENS: Avail. Now! Appt. visits only, $475, 267-372-4245 Siamese kits M/F Applehead,Purebred, Health Guaranteed $400. 610-692-6408

C ane Corso 17w Brindle Male, Shots, House Trained, Kids $600 609-353-1578 CANE CORSO pups, 6 M, 5 F, 11 wks, parents on site, $1500. 267-688-9088 Cavalier King Charles Spaniels Puppies, Retired Adults & Rescues $900-$1500, 215-538-2179 Cavalier Spaniel ACA Cavalier puppies for sale $750. call 717-669-5493 Chihuahua pups, Male & Female (215)739-0155 Chihuahua pups, parents AKC, mother & pups avail, M & F, $450. (267)315-3715 English Bulldog Pups ACA, health cert, family raised, lots or wrinkles, well socialized, $1800. ready now. 717-629-8137 French Bulldog Pups blk brindle M $1100 & light fawn fem $1500 434-432-2445.

German Sheperd Pups - AKC, blk w/ tan markings, vet chkd, shots/wormed, ready 5/2, F: $400,M: $450, 717.548.4644 ext 1. 376 Goat Hill Rd. Peach Bottom, PA, 17563 GERMAN SHEPHERD PUP, AKC, 10 WK FEMALE, BLK/TAN $600 (856)266-0154 German Shepherd Puppies, ACA, farm rsd, S/W, ready now. $350 717-295-4844 German Shepherd Pups, AKC, 3 all blk, 3 black/tan, call for prices 717-529-3830 Golden Retriever, AKC, 8 wks old, dam & sire on prem. Call Vi 609-412-0049 HAVANESE PUPPIES: AKC,home raised 262-993-0460 www.noahslittleark.com JACKAPOO, designer pups,great personalities, health guar, $600. 484-678-6696 JUG Pups: blk or brown, adorable, s & w, parents on site, $295. 610-273-3538

LAB Puppies - AKC, silver, Call Debbie, 609-672-7054 LAB Pups: AKC, Yellow, s/w, dew claws, Ready Mother’s Day, 856-299-0377 Labrador Retriever AKC. Champion lines. All colors. All health clearances. Blocky/s-tocky build. Big blocky heads. Laid back temperament. 570-549-6800. bestin-show@emlabradors.com Labrador Retriever Cute Lab Puppies $400. Calll 856-825-5528

Olde English Bulldog Puppies: Pure bred, Avail 4/30,for info call Joe, 610-751-5718

Pit Bull Pups - Red nose, blue fawn, M & F,3 mo., papers, shots, $250, 215.783.2517 PIT BULL PUPS - Red Nose, Blue Fawn, M/F, S/W, $300 & up. 267-297-8662 Poo-Chon pups, M & F, parti color, real cuties, $400. 215-529-5989

BED: Brand New Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set w/warr, In plastic. $175; Twin $140; 3 pc King $265; Full set $155. Memory foams avl. Del. avl 215-355-3878 Bedroom Set brand new queen 5 pc esp. brown $489. Del Avail 215-355-3878 NEW Mattress Sets $125, Twin Full or Queen, Delivery Available 215-307-1950 Sectional ’L’ shaped with matching ottomon. 6 color avl $599. 215-752-0911

214 Stanley Ave., Havertown, PA. Auction of 3-car garage contents. Tools, equip., hardware, etc. Must bid on entire contents. Bids start at $500; cash only. Saturday 4/30. Preview at 10am; auction at 11am. Aldan (Clifton Heights) 253 Merion Ave. 19018, Estate sale 4/29-30, 9am-3pm. for more info: estatewizardLLC.com ATSION ANTIQUES SALE/Flea Market, Sunday May 1st , 9-3. Rte 206 Atsion Lake Park, Shamong, NJ. Info: 609-268-6880 K of P Estate sale, 326 W. Church Rd, Sat 8-4p & Sun 9-3p. furniture, houseware, etc. Everything must go, cash only. Merchantville NJ 08109 4/30 8A-1 P Moving Sale. 41 W Walnut Ave. furniture, toys, electronics, holiday & much more

SAXOPHONES (SELMER) & others wanted . Lenny3619@aol 609.581.8290

Pedicuring Chairs (2) - w/ 2 stools, $850/each. Call 267-255-5597

Hot Tub Brand new 7’ Never hooked up! Fully loaded w/factory warr. & cover Cost $4000. Ask $1950. 610-952-0033

BUYING EAGLES SBL’s WANTED - CASH PD

PUGGLE PUPPIES: M $450 obo, shots, wormed,vet chkd,Bernville, 484.680.8707 Schipperke pups, 1M, 1F, AKC, vaccs & deworming up to date, micro-chipped, 2 year health guarantee, (610)416-1661 SHIH TZU Pups - ACA papers, 2 Female, $375/ea. 610-626-6222

SHORKIE-TZU PUPS: w/papers starting at $1000. financing avl, deep discounts for cash purschases,for details 484.955.6378 West Highland Terrier pups, white, ACA, health cert,shots, $800. 609-744-0738 Yorkie Poo pups, ready 5/23, now taking deposits. 610-857-5049 YORKIE PUPPIES: home raised, AKC reg. Starting at $600, 215-490-2243 Yorkie pups, 9wks, AKC, very small, papers, vet chkd, 4F, 2M (717)278-0932 Miniature Goldendoodle Pups - 2 M, 3 Yorkshire Terrier Pups, Family raised, 8 wks, AKC, $800. 609-220-1760 mo, vet chkd, s/w, $595, 610-857-0108 Mini Maltese/Yorkie Poo Pups: vry cute YORKSHIRE TERRIERS:AKC, vet checked, health charts. $700 up. 610-241-0680 & playful, ready now, $495, 717.687.6239

CALL 215-669-1924K EAGLES(4) Season tix, 1st Rw, End Zone, Entire season $18,350. 215-446-5673

Phillies vs Nationals: May 4th. Benefits Foundation for Ichthyosis. 215-997-9400 WANTED: EAGLES SBL’S True Eagles fan, Call 610-586-6981

33&45 Records Higher $ Really Paid

* * Bob 610-532-9408 *

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $

* * * 215-200-0902 * * *

Antique & Collectable Buyer, Coins, Gold, Costume Jewelry, Military, Toy Cars, Dolls, Trains, Barbie Cleanouts Will Travel

Ronnie, 267.825.8525

Cameras, Clocks, Toys, Radios, Dolls, Porcelain, Magazines, Military I Buy Anything Old..Except People! Call Al 215-698-0787

Coins, Currency, Gold, Toys,

Trains, Hummels, Sports Cards. Call the Local Higher Buyer, 7 Dys/Wk

Dr. Sonnheim, 856-981-3397

Coins, MACHINIST TOOLS, Militaria, Swords, Watches, Jewelry 215-742-6438 Diabetic Test Strips! $$ Cash Paid $$ Most types, Up to $10/box. Local pickup, Call Martin: 856-882-9015 I Buy Droids, Blackberrys & iPhones. Not older than 2 yrs, Text: 856-419-6499 JUNK CARS WANTED Up to $250 for Junk Cars 215-888-8662 Lionel/Am Flyer/Trains/Hot Whls $$$$ Aurora TJet/AFX Toy Cars 215-396-1903

50 ft Slip, Margate, Sunset Lagoon 445 N Thurlow Ave. $2000. 215.767.3033 SEA ISLE CITY, OPEN BAY -LARGE BOAT SLIP FOR RENT(215)651-8429

apartment marketplace

13th & Spruce Studio $950+elec high floor, doorman, available late may 215-673-5759 sodessey@hotmail.com

Broad St/Ave of the Arts 1-4br/2ba $1000 lrg kitch & liv rm. 215-465-5449

6xx N. 2nd St. Comm. Studio $950 hdwd flrs, w/d, kitchen 215-879-5300

1131 S 11th 1 BR $1000 includes all utils, Call 215-280-8005

jobs Admin/Personal Asst. P/T W Phila, Exp’d cpu skills & MS office, $15hr 215.222.0868 Housekeeper,etc, PT leading to FT, exp, refs,car,bkgd chk,Overbrook 215.290.2100 NANNY WANTED Full Time live-in, in Collegeville area. Experience with babies & toddlers. Call 267-231-9805

Gentleman w/Truck Desires Work Moving & Junk Removal. 215-878-7055 If you need tutoring for any subject 610-464-9292 slowly give # 3times

apartment marketplace 22xx Snyder Ave. 1br 2nd flr, credit check req’d, 610-659-2452 2706 Wharton St. 1Br $625/mo 2nd flr, 1st/last/sec., w/ kit. 267.231.3556 3xx Reed St. 1 BR $750 w/ extra closet space, Call 786-566-3063 Jackson St. 1BR $600 W Phila 52nd St. 1br $450, 267.784.4500

1100 S 58th St. Studio, 1br & 2br apts newly renov, lic #362013 267-767-6959 53xx Chester Ave 1br $550+elec $1650 move in, nwly renov 215.559.9289 58th & Springfield Efficiency $450+elec nwly renov, w/w, must see 215.552.5200

58xx Theodore cozy 1br apt $600 newly renov, nice street 215-549-1999 WALNUT ST 1BR apt. Negotiable rent 215-474-5068 lv msg/we will call back

14xx N. 52nd St 1br $600 2nd flr, 1st, last & security 610-454-0292 40th & Girard Vic. 1 BR $485 free utils,3 mo. mv in, Scott: 215.222.2435 49th & Lancaster 2 BR/1 BA $695+util yard, 1.5 mo. sec, no pets, 267-583-7561 52nd & Parkside 2br $650+utils large, newly renov, w/w, 215.552.5200 54th & Market Vic 1 BR 2nd flr $500+ 1 mon sec. newly renov, fridge, water incl, no drugs,pets/smoking,refs, 215.748.5222 59xx Haverford 2 BR $750+ utils 2nd flr, newly renov w/ EIK, 610.310.8559 5xx N. 52nd St. 2br $700 efficiency w/ kit. $500. Newly renovated, hdwd flrs, convenient to trans. 215-582-8068 63xx Callowhill St. 2 BR $625+ near transportation, 215-877-2120 9xx Belmont Ave studio apts $525+elec 2nd flr, laminate floors, 215-284-7944

Belmont Ave Efficiency $525+ elec $1050 mve in,cats welcome 215.779.0363 Parkside Area 1-5br units $700-$1700 newly renovated, hardwood floors, new appliances. Section 8 ok. 267-324-3197

47xx Cedar Ave Lg 1 BR/2 BR $750 Gorgeous tree-lined street, tastefully renov, W/W, lg EIK, micro, oak cabs, tile BA, 3 closets +bonus clean attic storage space, lndry, ceiling fans. Beautiful! 215242-1204, 267-250-9822, 215-820-5957

20xx N. 62nd lrg 1BR/1BA $650+ elec nice block, 1st, last & sec. (215)878-5056 62xx Jefferson 1 BR $650+ utils spacious,new kit., must see, 610.310.8559 75xx Greenhill Road 2Br $800 2nd floor, W/W, newly renov, close to transp., credit check req. 215-454-9418

Overbrook 1BR/1BA Heat Included Lovely. 1st, last & security. 609-315-1259 Various 1 & 2 BR Apts $725-$850 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

1, 2, 3, 4 Bedroom FURNISHED APTS LAUNDRY - PARKING 215-223-7000

49xx N 11th St 2br $700+utils nice apt, 1st & last mo. rent 215-455-1220 53xx N. Broad 1 BR furn, full kit, AC, 2 TVs, etc. 267.496.6448 9xx Lindley Ave. 2br $650 1st & last mo rent, 1mo sec (215)927.2608

Havertown 1br/1ba condo $850 2nd flr, EIK, lots of parking 610.964.0554

Ambler 2BR $1,075 2nd & 3rd flr, W/D, no pets/smoking, off st. parking, close to transp. 215-542-1201 K of P 3br/2ba $1,550+ hw flrs, great loc., W/D. 610-329-5543

EAST OAK LANE-Furn rm - share house, $450/mo Inc util,sec req’d: 215-549-0634 3730 N Bouvier St. 1br Efficiency $500 Rooms $400/mo. 215-275-5637

1BR & 2BR Apts $695-$835 spacious, great loc., upgraded, heat incl, PHA vouchers accepted 215-966-9371 236 W WALNUT LN effic/1br fr $540 SPECIALS AVAILABLE! HISTORIC APTS Close to transp. 215-849-7260 56xx Sprague St. 1 BR $535+ utils renovated, call 215-260-6511

3xx Green Ln Huge bi-level 3br/2ba $1200. tile, w/d, off st prkg 215.554.4450

15xx E. Mt. Pleasant Ave 2 BR $750 washer/dryer, 302-983-5261 2xx Rosemary Lane 1 BR $725+ elec 2 BR, $850+ elec. Call (215)849-8390 3xx E Upsal St. 2 BR $740+ utils newly renov,w/d, 1 mo sec, 610.675.7586

81xx Forrest Ave. 2 BR $775+ utils garage, call 215-242-2797 Cliveden St. 1 br/ tile ba $565+ garb/dis, a/c, ren,off st, n/p 215.782.8030 Mt. Pleasant 1br $650+utils renovated, $1625 move in (215)472-6147

16xx E. Duval 1Br $600+utils. w/w crpt, 2nd floor. (267)495-9029 512 Oaklane Ave. 4br/2ba $800+utils 2 mo. sec., w/w crpt, 215-224-6566 61xx Old York Rd 2 BR $750 newly renov,off st prkg,w/d 610.613.4497 E. Oaklane, 66th Ave cozy 1BR $575 ground floor apt. Call 215-651-3333

30th & Dauphin vic rooms 267-975-4602 or 215-763-6951

42xx Frankford, $450 2nd Flr room, private entr, kit and Ba, clean. 215-289-2973 4500 N. 17th St. $350/mo. new luxury room for rent. Hank 267-974-9271 4521 N Broad,lg rm,$450/mo & up,$200 sec. dep,267.595.5089 or 856.553.2094 4900 MARVINE ST: $110/wk, kitchen priv., no smoking/drugs. 215-436-2060 52nd/Westminster: Near transportation $100+/week, 215-748-7077 55th/Thompson furn $110/$135 wk frig micro priv ent $200 sec 215-572-8833 60xx Vine St, $110/week, 2 week security, cable tv, Please Call Gee 267.767.4496 Brewery Town/Temple U Area: Luxury rms, furnished, utils incl., 267-240-2474 Broad & Allegheny, rooms for rent, $90/wk all utilities incl. 469-328-6418 Broad & Olney deluxe furn rms priv ent. $110/wk Sec $200. 215-572-8833 Broad & Wyoming Area/West Phila, $100-$135/wk, lrg fully furn., private entrance, $200 sec., SSI OK. 267-784-9284 E. Oaklane: Clean, Quiet & Cozy, Pvt BA, $115/wk. $230 move in, 267-249-6340 Frankford, furn, no drugs, near El, room in apt, $85/wk+ $250 sec. 215-526-1455 Germantown 53xx Wakefield St: Huge rooms for rent, no sec dep 215-852-2965 Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (215)548-6083

Germantown: furn rms,renovated, share kitch & BA, $125/wk. 215-514-3960 Germantown: furn rms w/cbl, everything inc. $420/mo,Seniors Welc. 267.467.4595 Germantown lg rm for rent, kit/ba, fully furn, free food, SSI OK. (267)586-8350 Germantown, nicely furn room, nr trans, 1 week free, 215.848.0108, 215.848.0391 GERMANTOWN, North PHILLY $95-$125/week. 267-549-4690

West Phila 3 BR $875-$925 1st & last mo rent, 1 mo sec 215.878.2857

OVERBROOK PARK 3BR Call: 215-909-4118

homes for rent 22xx Bainbridge 5br/2ba $2950 cozy Brownstone, newly renovated, w/d, s/s appl’s, hdwd flrs 215-549-1999

resorts/rent

$1050

24xx N. Hollywood 3br/1ba $700+util newly renov, bsmt, yard, (215)205-1884 31xx N Marston St 2br $650+utils nwly renov, 1st, last & sec 267-254-3092

N. Phila: Furnished rooms, $100/wk. Call 267-499-7056 N Phila Furn, Priv Ent $75 & up, SSI & Vets ok, nr trans. Avl Immed. 215-763-5565 N. Phila: Newly renovated, private entry use of kitch $90-$125/wk 267.702.8688 Olney 5963 N Norwood renov furn cpt nr trans,kit,w/d,DISH $110&up 516.527.0186 Richmond-Rm use of kit nr transp $100 wk Retiree/SSI ok lv msg 215-634-1139 Sharon Hill rooms $600/mo. cable, utils incl. priv prkg, N/S (484)469-0753 South Phila furnished room, clean, no drugs, $90/wk, TV & fridge. 215.465.3080 S. Phila Furn Rms SS & vets welcome. No drugs, $125 & up, 267-595-4414 S. Phila & Hunting Park close to trans, $85-$125/wk. SSI ok. 215-668-4812 SW, N, W Move-in Special! $60-$115/wk room sharing avail, SSI ok (215)220-8877 SW. Phila: Rooms for rent, furnished, cable ready, $500/mo, 267-601-1036 Tioga Near Temple Hosp, use of hse, $400. mature adults, SSI ok 267.251.8983 TIOGA - Vic of Broad & Erie. Rooms for rent, Seniors Welcome. 215-226-0321 W. Oaklane: furnished, $125/wk, available immediately, 215-275-9174 W Phila 54th & Walnut, $110/wk. 2 wks move in, no smoking, ref’s 215-469-5858 W. Phila Furn Rms, SS & Vets welcome, No drugs, $125 & up 267-586-6502 W. Phila. nice rooms, well maintained, kitchen privileges, utils incl 215-350-6626

North Wildwood Studio condo $117,000 Beautiful. Recent upgrades. Convenient to beach/ boardwalk. 717-691-8095.

Temple Hospital area 5br/1.5ba $1500 recently renov, sec 8 ok (267)269-7033

57xx Anderson St. 3 BR $850+ utils nr trans,hwd flr,new kit/ba 215.280.9200 5807 McMahon 5br/2ba $1475 beautiful home, w/w cpt, fenced back yrd, d/w, garb/disp, pets ok, (267)879-8897

EAST ONTARIO 3br $780+ Close to Church, schools, Tioga station. enclosed porch, backyard. 201-321-0543

1771 Brill Street 3 BD 1.5 BA $899+util Full finished basement, deck & 2 car covered pking off back of house. Enclosed front porch. Walking dist from both Bridge & Pratt El stop & Wissinoming Park. Includes washer & dryer hookup, security system. 609-760-2506

48XX MULBERRY lge 3br, new paint/ crpt, refrig, yd, $825+. 267-645-9421 Bridge St. 4 BR/2 BA $1050 w/d,fridge, w/w, yd,Sec8 ok 215.632.5763

OCEAN CITY 3 BR Half or Full Season Near beach, ocean view, furnished, 2nd floor, A/C, w/d, d/w, tv, 215.317.6379 WILDWOOD clean 2-3br, low rates Wkly Cable, pkg, nr beach 610-583-4620

Mazda 6 Sport 2007 $11,499 manual trans., ex cnd, 40k (856)357.4337 MAZDA MIATA ROADSTER 1997 5 spd, few orig mi, a/c, premium tires, new insp, like new, $5975, 215-928-9632

SPYDER Convertible 2007 $14,700 Only 25k miles, auto, 4cyl 215-588-5995

Forrestor 2002 $6,750 AWD, 94K, silver, great cond215.917.0667 AC Ocean Club Summer Rental 1BR 19th flr updated ’’Reno’’ available 5/239/11 at $10,000 for season. Scheduled to go on market in Sept but willing to offer discounts for earlier showings and a bonus if sold while you are there. Call 609431-6700 crawford@theitfg.com Brigantine:Beaut. lg condo on beach,slps 4,c/a,pool,w/d,$1000/wk 267.496.2285

Brigantine: Pets OK. 5/6 - 5/9, $525. 5/27-5/31: $525, June: $850-$1150/week, July & Aug: $1300/week. www.BrigB.com 856-217-0025 Margate Cap Cod: 3 BR/2 BA family room, c/a, 5 *, sleeps 9, all amen, $17.5K season or split, 609-226-4690 N. Wildwood 15th & Central 3br/1ba newly remod, c/a, all amens incl; off st prkg, wkly/mo./seas. (215)983-7448 N Wildwood:3br Condo. Great Deal: Seasonal rent, Avl to show 5/1, 856-905-2512 Sea Isle City 1 BR, Studio w/ futon, Near Beach, Parking, Central Air, Monthly/Seasonal, Call 609-314-2349 Wildwood Crest 1br condo $1350-$1650 Ocn front, on beach. 5/6-6/23 $1350/wk. 6/24-9/9 $1650/wk. 570-693-3525

Camry LE 2009 only $23K mi $14,700 looks & runs beautiful. Call 215-464-2741 Rav 4 2003 $11,800 Only 54k mi., good cond, (610)590-2251

Chevrolet Corvette 1968 $30,000 427, 4 speed, runs great (610)420-1845 Chevy Malibu Station Wagon ’70 $5500 A title, 1 owner, 67k orig. miles, garaged since new, (215)757-6715 (215)499-6573

Mercury Cougar 1970 $28,050 restored, matching #’s, nice 215.781.5940 Plymouth Barracuda 1968 $9000/obo Model S, V8, 8 & 3/4 Possi 215-781-5940 Triumph TR6 1973 $14,950 looks/runs nw, redline tires 610.449.7130

$200 & Up For Junk Cars Call 215-722-2111 ALPHA CONVERTER Inc. Sell Them Direct, Buyers of Scrap Cata lytic Converters - Batteries - Aluminum Rims - Auto Rads. Call 856-357-3972

Brier Crest: 5 BR, sleeps 12. Saw Creek, 3br/2ba, slps 8, cntrl a/c. Wknds & Wks, 5/30, 6/12 (Race), 7/4, 609-587-9493 89xx Dewees 3br/2.5ba $1400+utils hdwd flrs, garage, 2mo sec 215.888.3010

9xx Brill St. 3 BR $875 Available Immediately, 404-509-4787 Far N.E. 3BR/1BA $1,600/mo Rowhome 19154. Newly Remodeled 3br 1bth rowhome in Parkwood Manor. New windows, doors, kitchen, w/w carpet, c/a, gas heat, fenced in yard & more. Avail. Now! Don’t Wait! Good Credit and References Required! Call John 267-614-9871

10xx Cross Street 2BR 1.5BA $950mth plus utilities 215-284-8955 11XX SO. 22ND ST lg 3br, new paint/ crpt/kit, lge bsmt $925+ 267-645-9421 4th & Tasker 3 BR $1000, Sec 8 appr new renov, hardwood, w/d, 215-525-4245 Penns Port 3br/1.5ba $950 newly renovated, avail May 215-499-2771

OXFORD CIRC: 3BR/1.5BA hse $935 incl. water 14xx creston St. Newly renov. W/W crpt. Must see, call (610)368-6056

25xx Massey 3 BR/1 BA $825 nice, new & clean, Call 267-716-8090 55XX Windsor Ave. 19143 3BR/1BA $750 LR DR KIT BSMT 215-966-9962 61XX WHEELER lge 3BR, new paint/ crpt, yard, $825+. 267-645-9421 6319 Allman 3 br section 8 ok, must see 215-885-1700 64th & Elmwood 3 BR $750 Also Studio apt, $395. Call (215)821-8858 65xx S. Linmore 3br/1ba $750+util $2250 move in, Mitch 215-365-4567 69th & Elmwood 2 br section 8 ok, must see 215-885-1700 7XX Ceil St Option to Buy 3br $850/mo Mod Kit/ba, crpt, ceil fans 610-284-1436 SW Phila 3 BR/1 BA Sec 8 approved modern, new kitch & crpets 215.726.8817 Upland St. 3 BR $700 newly renovated,Call Dale,484-794-3400

Brookhaven 2BR/1.5BA $1200 Cambridge Square Twnhse 215.353.1919

Exton/West Chester Area 3BR 2.5BA Swim Club $1950. Call Don 215-485-0215

automotive

$ Cash For Junk Cars $ $100-$400. Call 267-241-3041

Junk Cars wanted $250 & up. 24/7 removal, Free Gift Card. 267-377-3088 WE BUY JUNK CARS ! TOP$$$ - Cash on the Spot! Free Pick-up! Any Condi tion! WE SELL USED CAR PARTS. 215-429-8336.

Deluxe 535i 2000 $6950 4 door w/sunroof, simply exquisite, original miles, all extras, regularly serviced, meticulous senior sacrifice,215-629-0630

HONDA Odysey EX-L 2007 $17,400 leather, snrf, 8 pass. 302-584-0631

CTS 2003 $9000 fully loaded, 97k mi, auto, 267-334-8242

Ford Ambulance ’04 White and Orange 31, 400mi $30,000 610-431-3132

low cost cars & trucks

BMW 525 I 1992 $1650 28 mpg, inspected 3/12, ( 215)901-9902 Buick Park Avenue 1995 $3450 gar kpt,mint cond,must see 610.420.8954 UPPER DARBY 3br/1.5ba $1000+ $2985 new carpet & paint, washer/dryer, fridge, Caprice Classic 4 door 1992 a/c, original miles, very nice, quick priSec 8 OK, no dogs, 610-789-0217 vate sale, 215-922-5342 Anytime CHEV IMPALA 1979 $900/obo 4 dr, 305 V8. Ask for Jim 1-267-207-6214 $1,650 Upper Darby:438 Long Ln. 1br Effic $400 Chevy Astro Van LE 1996 AWD,7 pass., auto, all pwr. 215-620-9383 Sec 8 welcome, Call Bola, 610-772-3220 Chrysler Lebaron conv. 1991 $2500 only 50k,maroon/wht lthr 484.461.7491 Dodge Caravan 1999 $1800 Berwyn 3br/2ba rancher $2500 runs good, a/c, Call 267-202-3010 formal LR/DR, freshly painted, lots of Dodge Stratus 2001 $2,899 storage, 1 acre lot, all appl’s 610.964.0554 low mi, x-clean, runs great 267-784-9284 Ford 2000 Luxury Conversion Van (new body style), orig. miles, garage kept, Senior sacrfice, $3795. Fran 215-922-6113 Norristown: Spruce & Markley 1br $700 Ford Explorer XLT 2000 $2,495 LR, DR, kitchen, backyard (267)259-8449 200K, New Insp., Nice. 484-924-8795

FORD Windstar 1996 $3550 obo handicap van, lowered floor, manual ramp, 52K miles, call 215-432-7220 MERCEDES 300 CE Coup 1993 $2650 auto, runs good, Call 609-221-7427 Mercedes 380SL conv. 1985 $4000 silver, nw battery, 200k 609.432.6006 MERCURY Sable GS 2005 $4275 cranberry, loaded, 55K, cln, 267.592.0448 Nissan Altima SE 2000 $3795 180K, sunroof, gorgeous 610-524-8835 Nissan Maxima SE 2000 $3900 excellent cond., 106K mi. 215-900-6299 Olds Intrigue 2000 $4290 60K orig., xx-clean, insp. 215-432-4580 Toyota Camry 1991 $3,000 exc cond in/out, 69K orig mi 215.722.3055 Toyota Corolla (Prizm) 1997 $1995 auto, 4cyl, 33mpg, runs new215.620.9383 VOLVO S70 2000 $3250 black, moonroof, lthr, CD, 267.592.0448

55

16xx Allengrove St. lg Studio $625/mo 2nd flr, BR/LR, dining/kitch,215-514-0653 19xx Berkshire St 1 BR $525+ 2 mo sec. dep. credit check. 215.410.9502 33xx Frankford Ave 1br 2nd flr, call for appt. (609)440-8633 4657 Penn St. 1 br $575+ elec $1150 move-in. 267-255-6322 7333 Sackett St. 1br $600+utils remodeled, 1st floor. 215-259-8666 Frankford & Oxford 1 BR $580 Util incl’d.We speak Spanish 215.620.6261

22ND & LEHIGH, $85/week, share kitchen& bath, SSI OK, 267-973-0397 24th & Lehigh: fully furn. room, Seniors OK, $125/wk. all utils incl. 302-792-2857 27xx N. Oxford St, newly renov, shared kitch & bath, $95-$115/wk 267.816.3058 29th & Ridge $100-$140/wk. furn, new renov, proof of income req 267-702-7914

52xx Delancey 3 BR/1 BA new paint, renov, Sec 8 ok, 267.265.7996

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | M a y 5 - M a y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

69xx Ardleigh 2 BR $950+ great loc, gar, w/d, d/w (215) 514.3960

11xx N 55th St AMERICAN RM RENTALS Brand New Bldg. Single rms, $400, dble rms $500, rooms w/BA & kit $600. w/full size bed, dresser, fridge, SSI/SSD ok W, SW, N Phila & Frankford 267.707.6129 13th & York, 61st & Race, B & Allegheny. 30th & Cumberland. 215-290-8702 16th & Lehigh, 21st & York, 22nd & Allegheny - $350/mo. SSI ok. 215-485-8815

Germantown Rms, $120/wk utils inc, shared kit/ba, $500 move in 215.849.5861 Hunting Park: Fully Furn Luxury Rms. Free utils/cable, Avail now, 267-331-5382 LaSalle Area: with Cooking $249 move-in special. 215-219-3411 NICETOWN Large Modern Furn. Rooms Private entrance 215-324-1079 Nicetown/N. Phila: rooms for rent, $380/mo, no sec dep,SSI ok,267.694.1516 Norristown -- Trooper Rd, ROOMS for Rent, $500/mo. 215-768-3452 N. Philadelphia, 3 rooms for rent, SSI ok, $300-$400/mo, (215)900-4957

DISCOVERY SE 2002, luxury 4 dr, w/ 2 sunroofs, w/ all extras, orig miles, recent Land Rover service, special car for particular buyer, $7950. Call 215-627-1814

classifieds

1539 W. Wingohocking St. 1 BR $575 1st & last, cable, w/d. 267-304-1387 22nd & ALLEGHENY 2 BR $675/mo. newly renovated, must see! 215.253.9447 37xx N. 15th St. 1BR 1st flr back yard sec 8 ok 215-792-6620

Lawndale Studio $575 1br $675 patio, private parking, a/c, 609-408-9298 MAYFAIR 2 BR $760 2nd floor duplex, w/w, central air, appliances, garbage disposal, 215-287-2121 Mayfair 4318 Princeton Av 1BR $535 +util,credit check, parking, 215-498-1807 PHILMONT HEIGHTS 2 BR, 2 flr $750 new kitch, w/w & paint, gar, 267.467.1596 Rhawn & Blvd 2BR/1BA $775 c/a & ht, w/d, d/w, w/w, (267)972-8411

resorts/sale 14xx N. Felton St 3br/1ba newly renovated, sec 8 ok 610-497-2700

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

apartment marketplace

CTS 2004 $7995/obo exc cond, lthr, ac, 104k mi 856-979-4815

billboard [ C I T Y PA P E R ]

M AY 5 - M AY 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 CALL 215-735-8444

MEET OR BEAT ANY PRICE

ALL NUDE UPSCALE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB

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FRANKINSTIEN BIKE WORX 215-893-0415 1529 SPRUCE STREET BREAK AWAY FROM BOUTIQUE PRICES AND SERVICE!

Building Blocks to Total Fitness 12 Years of experience. Offering personal fitness training, nutrition counseling, and flexibility training. Specialize in osteoporosis, injuries, special needs. In home or at 12th Street Gym. Infokol@aol.com

I BUY RECORDS, CD’S, DVD’S

TOP PRICES PAID. No collection too small or large! We buy everything! Call Jon at 215-805-8001 or e-mail dingo15@hotmail.com

1075 Albany Ave. A.C. Nj 609-340-0252 www.atlanticcityallure.com Efn ?`i`e^ ;XeZ\ij :Xcc +/+$)*0$----

SCHOOL OF ROCK FREE TRIAL LESSON! 267-639-4007 STEEL DRUM BAND

Seeking mature LEAD player. Earn thousands of $$$ in the coming season. (215) 264-9800

DANCERS WANTED

½ PRICED DRAFTS WEEKDAYS 5-7PM

17 Rotating Drafts Close to 200 Bottles

www.devilsdenphilly.com www.facebook.com/devilsdenphilly www.twitter.com/devilsdenphilly

You’re Not A Tech Head....

but you’d like to make life easier with the help of technology. Don’t know where to start? Whether you own a small business, or just need some advice for home, Guidewire can help. Let Guidewire assist you in finding the perfect technology oriented solution you need today. wayne@guidewireservices.com

RoadHouse Radio

Tune in Tuesdays 103.3 FM from 1-4pm www.WPRB.com

SILK CITY

DINER • LOUNGE THIS WEEKEND 5.6 - 5.8.11 FRIDAY:

HOT MESS DJ APT ONE & SKINNY FRIEDMAN SATURDAY:

Flexible hours, will train, no experience necessary, excellent pay, safe/secure environment. Call (609) 707-6075

DJ DEEJAY

Executives, Etc. Massage Services, Etc.

SUNDAE NITE DJs LEE JONES & DIRTY

Quality Company. Quality Time. YOUR Location, 24:7 Cash & Credit Cards Accepted Call Now: 215-969-4759 edenlove.friendlynow.com

HOOKAH BAR/RESTAURANT HIDDEN CAFE 328 SOUTH STREET (215) 413-2486

SUNDAY:

Open every day 4pm - 2am Sat & Sun Brunch 10am - 4pm 5th & Spring Garden www.silkcityphilly.com

Private Yoga Sessions

SPRING TUNE UP SPECIAL $35 plus tax VOLPE CYCLES 115 S. 22nd Street 8am-9pm Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm Sat-Sun May not be combined with other offers. Visit www.volpecycles.com for details.

Ideal for beginners looking for individual attention email for more information sascat3@gmail.com

STUDY GUITAR W/ THE BEST All Styles All Levels. Former Berklee faculty member. Masters Degree with 25 yrs. teaching experience. 215.831.8640 www.davidjoel.net

R&B Fridays at the New Palladium

Live R&B Bands: 5/13: Expressions of Soul 5/27: The Temptations Review Featuring Dennis Edwards R&B Acts looking for bookings call now: 215-222-7127 Also needed 2 Female Background Singers & Dancers Call for Immediate Auditions: 215-222-7127

BANDIT RADIO

Jim Hasheian’s Electro-Pop Short Wave AM Radio 3465 Monday-Saturday 6 p.m.-10 p.m. Do Bianetics

FAST FORWARD

Jamie Moffett Media Design & Production Motion picture, promotionals, music videos http://jamiemoffett.com

Business coaching

can help you make decisions with more clarity, achieve your goals more quickly, and do so with less stress. Free half-hour consultation – 215 806 8319

Sexual Intelligence

Guaranteed-quality, Body-safe, Sexuality Products, Lubricants, Fetish Equipment, Educational Resources SEXPLORATORIUM 620 South 5th Street www.passionaltoys.com

SEMEN DONORS NEEDED

Healthy, College Educated Men 18-39 ~ $150/Sample WWW.123DONATE.COM

RECLAIMED TIMBER BENCHES ON STEEL LEGS Designed by local architect. Hand made with an elegant emphasis on detail to connections & materiality. Great for dining rooms, kitchens, the foot of the bed or your garden. For inquires & literature, call 215.923.1115

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