Philadelphia City Paper, May 12th, 2011

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FOOD | Tastykake challenge

ARTS | Fashion, baby ✚ NEWS | Blight, round two

30 YEARS OF INDEPENDENT JOURNALISM

May 12 - May 18, 2011 #1354 |

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SUDDENLY, GERMAN SHRAPNEL WAS RAINING DOWN ON LOWER MANHATTAN. OPERATION BLACK TOM WAS UNDER WAY. IT’S NOT A NEW SPY THRILLER. IT’S A TRUE STORY.

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NOW THROUGH MAY 30, 2011

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cpstaff We made this

Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Isaiah Thompson Associate Editor and Web Editor Drew Lazor Arts & Movies Editor/Copy Chief Carolyn Huckabay Associate Editor Josh Middleton Staff Writer Holly Otterbein Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Julia Askenase, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Anthony Campisi, Mark Cofta, Felicia D’Ambrosio, Jesse Delaney, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Cindy Fuchs, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Gair Marking, Robert McCormick, Natalie Hope McDonald, Andrew Milner, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Robin Rice, Yowei Shaw, Lee Stabert, Will Stone, Andrew Thompson, Tom Tomorrow, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Bruce Walsh, Julia West Editorial Interns Emily Apisa, Bianca Brown, Matt Cantor, Ryan Carey, Angelo Fichera, Erin Finnerty, Kala Jamison, Adrian Pelliccia, Massimo Pulcini, Laurel Rose Purdy, Eric Schuman Webmaster Dafan Zhang Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Systems Administrator John Tarng Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Editorial Designer Alyssa Grenning Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Designer Alicia Solsman Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Jonathan Bartlett, Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Accounts Receivable Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Advertising Director Eileen Pursley (ext. 257) Senior Account Managers Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Chris Scartelli (ext. 215), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Business Development Manager Nicholas Forte (ext. 237) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel citypaper.net

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123 Chestnut Street, Third Floor, Phila., PA 19106. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-7358444 ext. 241, Listings Fax 215-875-1800, Classified Ads 215-248-CITY, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright © 2011, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public. LETTERS & SUBMISSIONS Letters should be brief and are subject to editing. Authors must sign their name for publication and each must contain an address and telephone number for verification, although neither address nor telephone number will be published. Unsolicited submissions are welcome but must be accompanied with a SASE if return is desired.

contents C’mon, you’re already registered.

Naked City ...................................................................................7 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................20 Movie Shorts ...........................................................................30 Food ..............................................................................................40 Cover PhotograPh by neal santos Cover Photo Collage by evan m. loPez design by reseCa Peskin

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CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ - 5]

Following a two-year investigation, police arrest eight Philly tow truck drivers for illegally towing and scrapping cars. “You, all right?” the suspects shout, pointing at the PPA. “I learned it by watching you!”

[ + 1]

U.S. Department of Transportation awards Amtrak $450 million for improvements that will, among other things, make the Philly-New York line the fastest train network in the country. Bet that’ll look real purty from the window of a gridlocked Megabus.

[ - 4]

Surveillance camera records three men assaulting and breaking the jaw of the son of a Philly cop. Bell Curve is sure that none of these three men will be found dead at some point very soon.

[ + 2]

Stenography machines stolen from City Hall last week are recovered in Love Park, where the homeless thief was using the cases to hold clothing. Doesn’t even crack the list of the top thousand misappropriations of municipal resources so far this year.

[ + 1]

The city unveils its first porous street in South Philly, designed to allow water to pass through and reduce flooding. Plus every basement gets a wading pool. A Wildwood pier installs “It,” a $1.5 million, pendulum-style amusement park ride designed to provide “maximum fear.” “Because it will be operated by Ricky, our highest, most misanthropic teenager.”

[ + 1]

Phillies pitcher Jamie Moyer says he’s attempting a comeback at age 49. Now that they canceled All My Children.

[ + 1]

Local protesters assemble in Washington, D.C., where Gov. Corbett was scheduled to speak at an education conference. The crowd is dispersed using a high-powered blast of water, sand and chemicals.

[ + 1]

Pennsylvania brings in the most tax revenue generated by casinos for the second consecutive year. “Great news!” says citizen, adding: “Baa baa baa.”

This week’s total: -1 | Last week’s total: 6

evan m. loPez

[ neglect ]

Righting the Blight? The remnants of a slum empire are up for grabs. By Isaiah Thompson

I

n 2008, Bob Coyle, the now-infamous slumlord, walked away from millions of dollars in mortgages he’d taken out on a small empire of crumbling houses in Kensington and Port Richmond, leaving the local banks that’d loaned him the money sitting high and dry — and on top of more than 100 of Coyle’s properties. among those properties was 3310 argyle, a vacant shell that had sat neglected for years when Jamie moffett moved in next door and watched as drug users went in and out of the abandoned house daily. moffett — an acquaintance who first brought Coyle to this author’s attention — had called Coyle repeatedly, demanding that he do something about the situation. When that didn’t work, moffett offered to buy the house, but was brushed off. Not long after, the news came crashing down that Coyle had defaulted on more than $15 million in mortgages he’d taken out from local banks — loans that seem, especially now, to have been wildly disproportionate to the actual value of Coyle’s junky inventory. But it was the height of the housing bubble, and the banks seemed more interested in having properties on their books than worrying about what they looked like — until, that is, the market crashed and Coyle defaulted, leaving the banks with only those houses to recoup their enormous debt. What’s more,

it turned out he had allegedly made false “rent-to-own” agreements with dozens of tenants, who had invested their hard-earned money into the houses for, it seemed, nothing. The banks faced a dilemma: Normally, they’d foreclose on the properties and sell them at sheriff’s sale, recouping their losses from the proceeds. But because the banks had been so wildly generous to Coyle — and because the housing market had crashed — their prospects of getting much back were grim. What’s more, Coyle had amassed untold liens in unpaid taxes and utility bills, and those would have to be repaid to the city before the banks could touch any sale proceeds. Foreclosing and taking the properties to sheriff’s sale would be, in a word, expensive. Finally, Community Legal Services, Volunteers for the Indigent Program and the office of Councilwoman maria Quiñones-Sánchez had taken up the cause of tenants who, they say, have claims to ownership themselves. and so the banks have simply sat on the properties, in essence turning into slumlords themselves — except for a single batch of properties, including 3310 argyle which, moffett learned not long ago, had been sold, along with about 50 other properties, to a company called GCG Investments, LLC, owned by one manilal mathai. moffett resumed his phone-call campaign to get his neighboring property fixed up. mathai, moffett says, “promised me it would be ready, with people living it, by april 1” — which it isn’t. a contractor did show up and begin work, moffett says, but then he disappeared, leaving the house to quick re-invasion by drug users, according to moffett. after moffett harangued mathai again, another contractor appeared. >>> continued on page 9

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meanwhile, various sources tell City Paper that mathai is considering purchasing more properties — as many as 117 more — with, potentially, a new partner: Bob Coyle Jr., the son of the infamous Coyle Sr. Laura Semmelroth, of the New Kensington Community Development Corp., says her organization learned that mathai and Coyle Jr. approached various city agencies inquiring about possible relief of liens of other Coyle properties. The idea, confirms Community Legal Services’ Jennifer Schultz, was to somehow transfer ownership from Coyle Sr. to mathai (Schultz emphasizes that her clients will maintain their ownership claims, transfer or no). When asked about his relationship with Coyle Jr., mathai said, “I don’t know anything about that.” Coyle Jr. did not return a phone call, but has previously denied to CP any connection between his business and his father’s. The news nonetheless “sends shivers down my spine,” says Semmelroth, whose organization has been trying to pressure the banks to negotiate with community groups and tenants rather than foreclose en masse, or execute some large, behind-the-

scenes transfer to someone else. “If they go to sheriff’s sale, they’ll be sold in a batch,” says Semmelroth, to “guys with suitcases full of money.” That’s what happened to the first — and, so far, only — group of properties to be relinquished by the banks: They were purchased en masse by mathai. Semmelroth and other community development advocates fear that the neglect shown by Coyle Sr. will be replicated unless the banks are forced to negotiate with tenants. “Here’s these neighborhoods just left to be preyed on again,” she says. mathai, for his part, says he “will not be like the previous owner,” and that he “will fix those houses up 100 percent.” For now, Semmelroth, moffett and the other neighbors of Coyle’s old properties are left to cross their fingers and hope he means it. (isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net)

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“They’ll be sold to guys with suitcases full of money.”

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Righting the Blight?

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New this week! Nothing except our new location at

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ULTIMATE SUMMER FUN GUIDE With the rising price of gasoline, and more people planning on a “ Staycatio n” for 2011, NOW i s the per fect ti me to place your message in City Paper’s

ULTIMATE SUMMER FUN GUIDE!

Be a part of City Paper’s May 26 annual Summer Fun Guide issue including a comprehensive calendar of “must-do” activity listings (from May 26 through Labor Day). Your message will be seen by tens of thousands of locals looking to save money and still have fun in or near the city! To advertise contact your CityPaper Account Manager today or call 215.825.2496

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With so many folks opting to stay local this summer, why not kick off this Memorial Day weekend by getting your message out to the masses.

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S`S¸a bVS b`cbV( For this year’s primary election, preposterously low voter turnout is not only predicted, but counted on by the city’s political machinery, which expects to assert its will with minimal interference. But this election matters, dagnabbit, and it’s fascinating — not because it’s supposed to be but because it really, truly is. No fewer than five City Council seats are utterly up for grabs, largely due to Council members retiring in the face of possible defeat because of their enrollment in DROP. as many as six more seats are hotly contested. Into this mix throw a battle, nearly Shakespearean in its intrigue and complexity, between mayor michael Nutter and various political forces over the City Council presidency; an unheard-of rebellion within the Republican Party; and an energetic attempt by reformers to throw a wrench — or, rather, themselves — into the Democratic machine in a bold attempt to thwart it. you should consider yourself lucky: all you’ve got to do to get in on the action is vote on Tuesday. and if you voted in ’08 — and we bet you did — and didn’t move, you’re registered to vote on may 17, even if you’ve done doodly-squat since. Don’t worry, we’ll help you — but not by telling you who to vote for. This year City Paper chose not to make endorsements. When it comes to district races especially, we feel residents know their neighborhoods best; what’s more, we fear that endorsing candidates can make it seem like newspapers are just part of the game. What we will do is tell you who’s running and decode how your vote might fit into a bigger picture. and for each race examined here, we’ve also got a reason to vote that you likely hadn’t thought of. Unfortunately, we’ve had to limit this guide to the fiercest races (i.e., not the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 9th or 10th Council District races). But fear not! For our in-depth coverage, look for the ElectionEar category on our Naked City blog (citypaper.net/nakedcity). For discussion, head to philadelphiaspeaks.com’s local politics forum. For a current list of candidates, visit phillyelection.com. and for voter information (including polling places, voting instructions and sample ballots), visit the Committee of Seventy’s website, seventy.org.

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@SXSQb ]` S\R]`aS ^]ZWbWQOZ bVSObS` many Philadelphians seemed to think milton Street’s announcement of his candidacy for mayor was some kind of bad joke. Their skepticism was not unfounded: Street, a former state representative and state senator, is only recently out of jail on tax evasion charges and made a less-than-stellar 2007 bid for mayor. and all those folks might have found the joke in even poorer taste when Street won the endorsement of various city unions — notably the city’s blue-collar municipal employees and firefighters’ unions. But we wonder if they aren’t missing the

punch line. Street’s campaign may turn out to have amounted to little more than political theater — but what’s so bad about that? It makes for a good show and, as Street has demonstrated, makes for a good platform from which to criticize the incumbent, mayor michael Nutter. maybe there’s a place for that. Street served his time, got his signatures and got himself on the ballot. He’s not the first unlikely (and, to some, distasteful) candidate to run for mayor. Don’t like him? Say so at the polls.

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erman said it himself: He can’t win in November’s general election, save for “an act of God.� It’s the Democrats’ city, after all — so why should he and the other Republican candidate, Karen Brown, even run? Because the future of the Philly GOP is at stake, that’s why. Several insurgents have been attempting to overthrow the current leaders of the city’s Republican Party, which they say purposefully loses elections in order to retain hundreds of patronage jobs bequeathed to them by the Democrats. These party chiefs — michael meehan and Vito Canuso — defend their leadership, their patronage jobs and their election losses, noting that they face an “uphill battle.� Featherman is an insurgent; Brown is not.

The Republican Party has endorsed Brown, a move the insurgents see as trying very hard indeed to lose. after all, just earlier this year, Brown was a Democrat. according to the Daily News, she’s also filed for bankruptcy four times; City Paper found that she violated campaign finance law twice this election season. Brown says she switched parties because she grew disillusioned with Democrats. She thinks the city should readjust its focus to schools, development and lowering taxes. Featherman, a libertarian, wants to get rid of the Ethics Board because it’s “not enforcing much of anything�; slash the budget for the Licenses & Inspections department — which he calls “corrupt� — by 25 percent;

the naked city

N G]c¸dS `SOR ]c` voters’ guide, studied each candidate’s platform and weighed his or her endorsements — but you can’t shake the feeling that behind the policy papers and position statements, there is a secret machinery at work, a cloak-and-daggers game afoot in the cold political night. In this special expanded edition of our ElectionEar column, we pull back the curtains, peel the electoral onion — and peek into this campaign season’s battles behind the battles. These quirks and quarks might reveal, if just for a moment, the other Philadelphia, the one usually hidden from view.

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/P]ZWaV ]` ^`SaS`dS ]c` 'bV 1S\bc`g b`ORWbW]\a Cool as the title may sound, the job of sheriff — another of the city’s ancient, obscure, elected “row-offices� — is essentially a fortress of patronage with three functions: delivering legal notices, transporting prisoners and overseeing sheriff’s sales. Why do we elect someone to do this? Because it was decided sometime in the mid-1800s that we should. But while we think (insist, even) that all the races mentioned here are interesting,

9/@3< 0@=E< /<2 B63 AC>>=A32 5@3/B @3>C0:71/< 1=< A>7@/1G( Karen Brown has run a strange — and arguably bad — campaign for mayor. The GOP candidate was hand-picked by party leaders even though she’d been a Democrat for decades, filed for bankruptcy four times and, as City Paper discovered, violated campaign finance law twice this election season. Why not pick a more ‌ mayoral-seeming ‌ candidate? Because they’re trying to lose, say opponent John Featherman and other dissident Republicans staging an insurgent campaign this season. The GOP establishment, they claim, purposefully throws its weight behind loser candidates in order to keep Democrats happy — and retain control of hundreds of patronage jobs. Brown denies that and says she’s running because she’s sick of the Democratic Party — and michael Nutter. B63 BG@/<<=A/C@CA @7HH=( Could Republicans lose the alreadytiny voice they have on City Council? They might, if former Democratic mayor John Street makes a run for Councilperson at-Large this fall as an Independent — an idea he’s called “interesting.â€? City ordinance reserves two at-large Council seats for minority parties — Republicans, usually. But if Street ran as an Independent, he’d have a good chance of winning one of those seats. Republican incumbent Frank Rizzo Jr., meanwhile, on whom the GOP has turned its back, just might secure the other seat anyway — meaning he’d remain in Council, unbeholden to his old buddies. If Republican District Councilman Brian O’Neill were to lose in the general election in November, Philly Republicans would essentially have no representation at all.

The race for city commissioner might seem

E6/B 6/>>3<32 7< B63 &B6- most of the candidates running for district Council seats are hooked up, plugged in, connected to the city’s political machinery. But for a while, it was looking like an all-out populist uprising in the 8th Council District. Seven candidates — most of them total outsiders — made it onto the ballot to fill the seat of retiring Councilwoman Donna Reed miller, who’s been widely criticized for playing insider politics and ignoring constituents. as the election draws nigh, though, three front-runners have emerged, toting — surprise! — good ol’ political clout (or cash). Cindy Bass, an aide to Congressman Chaka Fattah, has attracted dollars and endorsements from bigwigs across the city. Likewise Verna Tyner, a longtime Council aide who’s been endorsed by miller and former mayor John Street. The only candidate who seems poised to win but is not connected is the independently wealthy Howard Treatman, who’s financed his own campaign.

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and eliminate the gross receipts tax. Neither candidate has much of a chance against Nutter. But if voting for a lost cause doesn’t get you running to the polls, remember that you’re reshaping (or not) Philly’s Republican Party.

this one has a special twist. Three candidates — John Kromer, Jacque Whaumbush and Jewel Williams — are vying for the position formerly occupied by Sheriff John Green, who stepped down after a City Controller audit revealed accounting irregularities within his office. One of them, Kromer, is running to abolish the office altogether. Whaumbush is a former deputy sheriff who’s had less visibility during this race. much more attention has focused on Kromer and Williams, very different candidates with very different plans. Williams, a North Philadelphia ward leader and state representative since 2000, is the hand-picked choice of the city’s Democratic establishment to replace Green and has promised reforms including revamping the office’s computer system and greater transparency. Kromer, a former housing director for the city, says he’ll end the office and turn its duties over to the city. In an insider’s election, Kromer — with his goal of being “The Last Sheriff� — has made an unusually direct appeal to the public, accusing Williams of being beholden to the Democratic patronage machine. Whaumbush and Williams both say the office should remain an elected position.

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SO` Q]\b E63< / 1/<272/B3 4/::A 7< B63 4=@3AB( In addition to races barely covered by the media are those the media is unapologetically not covering at all! and what happens when no one’s looking? Shenanigans, of course! First, CP found that only two of the 12 Traffic Court hopefuls — Richard Hoy and Robert Tuerk — are actually lawyers. at least one more — Lewis Harris Jr. — owes the city thousands in taxes. Later, CP discovered that if you donate to Jim DiVergilis’ campaign, who’s running for Common Pleas judge, the city’s biggest police union will give you “courtesy cards� — known as “get-out-of-jail-free� cards — in return. metropolis, a city news website (phlmetropolis.com), found that a troubling number of judicial candidates — including John adams, Lopez Thompson, Omar Sabir, Harry Levant, marvin Williams, angelo Foglietta and Jose Figueroa — have criminal records, unpaid taxes or liens piled against them.

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1`WbWQa aOg bVS 1Wbg 1][[WaaW]\S`a¸ aV]RRg eSP aWbS ZOQYa Q`cQWOZ d]bS` W\T]`[ObW]\ like a snooze. Ten candidates — 10! — are viciously clawing for the thrilling job of keeping voter-registration records and preparing election officials. In the end, it will go to two Democrats and one Republican. But that’s not what this race is really about. Rather, it’s an exciting skirmish for — or against — political incumbency! marge Tartaglione, anthony Clark and Joseph Duda, who have served a combined total of more than 50 years in the office, are all seeking re-election. Voting for anyone else — Democrats Stephanie Singer, Ivy Staten, michael Edward Bell, Bernard Talmadge and Warren Bloom, or Republicans al Schmidt and marie Delany — would mean taking a stand against political incumbency. The incumbents contend that they have ushered in flawless electronic voting machines, adhered to ever-changing state guidelines, and been accessible to the public. The office’s critics, on the other hand, say it wastes public dollars, has a shoddy website

that lacks crucial voter information, and is corrupt. The Committee of Seventy, a watchdog group, says the office should be abolished altogether. The front-runners are the three incumbents and two other candidates: Singer and Schmidt, who both swear they’ll reform the office. Neither say they’ll eliminate it, but Singer vows to use her skills as a former math professor to post more voter data online (and, in fact, has already done so in her free time). Schmidt, one of this election’s GOP insurgents, says he’ll fight for more funding from Harrisburg and also amp up the website.

1=C<17:>3@A=< /B :/@53 23;=1@/B

ESSR ]cb bVS VSOdg eSWUVba T`][ O\ W\aO\SZg ZO`US ^]]Z ]T QO\RWRObSa The democratic process can be a beautiful, awe-inspiring thing — and so it is with great cheer and appreciation for the capital “D� that we salute the 14 Democratic candidates for Councilpersons at-Large, the members of Council who represent all of us. Cheer, yes, but also exasperation with trying to fairly cover so many people. We, like you, have to make choices. Of the 14 candidates, only five will be seated, and among the pool are five incumbents — Wilson Goode Jr., Bill Green, Bill Greenlee, Jim Kenney and Blondell Reynolds Brown. Two tiers of incoming candidates — in terms of money, media and incumbent fear ,,, Q]\bW\cSR ]\ ^OUS $

4@3<3;73A( The individual merits of 7th District Councilwoman maria QuiĂąones-SĂĄnchez or her opponent, Dan Savage, aside, this election could leave Council without a single Latino member, despite the city’s rapidly growing Hispanic population. That’s mostly, of course, thanks to redistricting that has butchered the Hispanic vote nearly into extinction. But it’s also due to cut-throat infighting, even within Philly’s tiny Latino political leadership. QuiĂąones-SĂĄnchez has been hung out to dry by state Rep. angel Cruz, who backed her in 2007 but is now backing Savage, though she’s found a supporter in ex-ward leader Carlos matos, who actually backed Savage against her in 2007. Why Cruz has turned on QuiĂąones-SĂĄnchez isn’t clear — he’s said that QuiĂąones-SĂĄnchez “didn’t reach out to meâ€?; one theory has it that Cruz, who barely won re-election to the House last year, is backing Savage simply so that he himself can win a seat on Council next time around. B63 56=ABA =4 >67::G >/AB( Like some kind of angry spirit, former mayor John Street has hovered over this election, his influence seeming to float through the very walls and into candidates’ races. Dan Savage invoked his name twice during a debate with Councilwoman maria QuiĂąones-SĂĄnchez, dissing Nutter’s approach to crime and praising Street’s, in what appeared to be an appeal to black voters. Joe Grace, running for the 1st Council District seat, is a former Street spokesman; and Verna Tyner, running for the 8th Council District seat, just got Street’s endorsement. all three candidates say they won’t support a DROP enrollee — i.e., Councilwoman marian Tasco, Nutter’s favorite — as Council president. Presumably, they would support Councilman Darrell Clarke — a Street protĂŠgĂŠ likely to run. Then there’s the thick phantom arm of union boss John “Docâ€? Dougherty — an ally of Street, who appointed him head of the city’s Redevelopment authority. Dougherty’s union’s endorsements and dollars often mirror Street’s preferences. Two candidates supported by Doc — Bobby Henon and Savage — have pledged not to support Tasco. Nutter, meanwhile, is busy backing candidates who suspiciously decline to make such promises. The implication is that this year’s Council election is to some extent a proxy war between old rivals, endlessly complex, in which Nutter’s enemies work not only to thwart him at every turn, but to line up their own for a ´7aOWOV BV][^a]\ O\R 6]ZZg =bbS`PSW\ post-Nutter comeback.

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7\ bVWa ^`W[O`g SZSQbW]\ Wb¸a O ab`O\USZg RWdS`aS O\R RWdS`aSZg ab`O\US PObbZS T]` /b :O`US @S^cPZWQO\ 1]c\QWZ^S`a]\ factor — have emerged to challenge them. Three have launched the most robust campaigns: Sherrie Cohen, a longtime liberal activist and the daughter of late Councilman David Cohen (and potentially Council’s first out lesbian); andy Toy, a neighborhood economic-development specialist (and, along with Republican David Oh, potentially the first asian-american on Council); and Edward Nesmith, a South Philly construction company owner and ward leader. But maybe you like underdogs. If so, Ralph Blakney, Lawrence Clark, michael Jones, Janis manson, Humberto Perez and Isaiah Thomas — a young man who’s launched a passionate campaign — are yours for the choosing.

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@WRS bVS @S^cPZWQO\ `OW\P]e Where in the U.S.a. could you find a Republican primary composed of an openly gay man, a Korean-american, an andy Reid impersonator and folks who support collective bargaining? Right here in Philadelphia, in this year’s strangely diverse and diversely strange battle for at-Large Republican Councilperson! Technically, five out of the nine candidates could win in both the primary and general elections. But because Republicans are so outnumbered in this city, only two will likely make it to City Hall, thanks to the city ordinance mandating that two at-large seats go to members of a minority party. and both seats are as open as they’ve ever been. Jack Kelly, who narrowly defeated David Oh in 2007, is retiring. Frank Rizzo Jr. is under fire for having decided to take a DROP payment and seek re-election. He’s lost the backing of party leaders and even the Fraternal Order of Police, which is crazy because his father was Frank Rizzo Sr., the famed (or notorious) police commissioner. It’s an opportune time to run for one of

those seats, and the contest has drawn unusual numbers and energy from Republicans. among the lesser-known candidates are finance guru Joseph mcColgan, lawyer michael Untermeyer, hospital administrator Elmer money and Stephen Odabashian, who’s made a name for himself as, well, that andy Reid impersonator. among the more prominent contenders: gay activist malcolm Lazin, State Rep. Denny O’Brien, lawyer David Oh and former mayoral candidate al Taubenberger. as with the GOP mayoral race, this race is partly about the future shape of the city’s Republican Party. Oh is in the unique position of being backed by both party leaders and the Republican insurgents who want to overthrow them. He is also beloved by the press, unions and moderates. Rizzo is not supported by either GOP faction but has years of constituent service to boast. Taubenberger and O’Brien — both longtime politicians — will benefit from name recognition, but Taubenberger can count on few votes from the insurgents. Lazin, meanwhile, is relying on his background as a federal prosecutor and the endorsement of party leaders — as well as the fame he’s earned from staging theatrical protests outside Rizzo’s office throughout the race.

AB 1=C<17: 27AB@71B

>`]dS bVS`S¸a O RWTTS` S\QS PSbeSS\ T]c` [WR RZS OUSR eVWbS Ucga at first glance, the four Democratic can-

didates vying for the 1st Council District seat look awfully alike: They’re all white, male and middle-aged. Their platforms are similar, too: They all want to develop the waterfront; stave off another casino in the district; get the community more involved in urban development; and enact various reforms. most also condemn Schools Superintendent arlene ackerman and all oppose DROP for elected officials. In the 1st District, which encompasses an area from Chinatown to Fishtown to South Philly to parts of Center City, it seems that the real difference between candidates is their endorsements — in other words, who’s backing their success. mark Squilla and Joe Grace are both backed by the city’s Democratic machine — but very dissimilar parts of it. Squilla, president of the Whitman neighborhood’s civic group, has been handpicked by Nutter and current 1st District Councilman Frank DiCicco. Conversely, Grace — once a spokesman for mayor John Street — has won the support of former Gov. Ed Rendell. Jeff Hornstein, a longtime organizer for a janitors’ union, has gotten the nod from big labor, including the Fraternal Order of Police Lodge 5 and Transport Workers Union Local 234, as well as the reform-minded group Philly for Change. Vern anastasio, a South Philly lawyer, has failed to rack up any significant political or union endorsements, but is partly running on the claim that he’s not beholden to anyone. These endorsements reveal very differ-

ent allegiances and priorities among the four candidates who, in another life, would probably be good drinking buddies.

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>`]dS bVOb `OQS VOa \]bVW\U b] R] eWbV g]c` d]bS It has been suggested from time to time that race matters in Philadelphia elections. We, in the present post-racial utopia, refuse to believe such nonsense. Still, race might help explain the Democratic contest for the 2nd Council District seat (south of market and west of Broad, as well as Southwest Philly and a chunk of super-South Philly east of Broad). The district is big and, it turns out, roughly divided between black and white residents — “roughly,� because blacks in fact outnumber whites. For 30 years, however, the district has been represented by Council President anna Verna, who is white. The Democratic contest to replace her began with three white and three black candidates, and is now — with one caveat that we’ll explain in a minute — down to just three: Barbara Capozzi, who is white, and Kenyatta Johnson and Tracey Gordon, both black. But you care about the issues! On crime, trash, vacant land and gentrification in Point Breeze and Graduate Hospital, the candidates don’t disagree much, but they do come from very different backgrounds. ,,, Q]\bW\cSR ]\ ^OUS &

Traffic Court Judge

uLaw Degree from Temple University School of Law uArbitrator for the Court of Common

Pleas of Philadelphia None of the current judges of the Traffic Court attended law school. The Pennsylvania Constitution was amended in the 1960’s to allow uBachelor’s Degree in Political Science/ Criminal Justice Administration non-lawyers to be elected as judges. Many voters want to elect a lawyer back to the Traffic uChairperson of the Phila. Bar Court bench, and to apply the principles of law Association’s Traffic Law Committee including the standards of reasonable doubt (2006-2008) and the statute of limitations. All Philadelphians th deserve respect, so on May 17 VOTE for Paid for by the Committee to Elect Tuerk fairness & justice for all under the law.

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FOR

uLicensed Attorney in Pennsylvania & Florida

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TUERK

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ROBERT

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BVS \Sfb &bV 1]c\QWZ 2Wab`WQb `S^`SaS\bO bWdS Q]cZR USb SZSQbSR eWbV Xcab # ^S`QS\b ]T bVS d]bS Gordon, a block captain and indefatigable community activist, is based in the Southwest. Johnson, who grew up in Point Breeze, worked for state Sen. Anthony Williams on gun issues and, at the precocious age of 34, won a seat in the state House. Capozzi, who hails from Packer Park, is a realtor of no small means, having overseen and sold several developments in her old neighborhood, including the Villas of Packer Park, home to — surprise! — Verna. Capozzi also boasts a long rÊsumÊ of civic work. Johnson and Capozzi are the presumed front-runners. (Here’s the previously mentioned caveat: It might be too late for Damon Roberts, who dropped out of the race, to get off the ballot.) Want to make a colorblind, issuesbased decision? Call them and ask questions. They’re nice.

$B6 1=C<17: 27AB@71B

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1V]]aS aWRSa W\ O ^`]fg eO` bVOb aSS[a b] PS OP]cb 2@=> Pcb YW\R ]T Wa\¸b That the powerful electrical workers’ union IBEW Local 98 and its influential leader, John Dougherty, have a hand in this election is no secret — but only in the Democratic race for the 6th Council District (Northeast Philly) does the fact seem to be proclaimed from the mountaintops. Contesting the seat held by Joan Krajewski, who’s retiring, are Martin Bednarek, a banker, former School Reform Commission member and Zoning Board of Adjustment member (and Krajewski’s pick); and Bobby Henon, the IBEW’s political director, behind whom (not surprisingly) the union has thrown its considerable weight. A main point of contention between the two is DROP — a strange issue in this race. Bednarek would eliminate the program, but won’t promise not to vote for DROP-enrolled Tasco as Council president. Henon supports DROP for firefighters, policemen and other city professionals in a neighborhood full of them, but says he wouldn’t vote for a DROPenrolled Council president.

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3\UOUS W\ TScROZ eO`TO`S ]dS` g]c` VOZT ]T O [OgPS c\ Q]\abWbcbW]\OZZg US``g [O\RS`SR RWab`WQb Pretend there’s this white guy named Gerry running again for public office, but the thing is that the people in his district are increasingly Latino. So Gerry simply redraws his district — over and over again, cutting out a block here, adding another one there — to make sure his constituents look more like, well, Gerry, you know? Such has been the fate of the super-gerrymandered 7th Council District, which encompasses heavily Latino parts of eastern North Philly, Kensington and the city’s Centro de Oro section, as well as heavily white and black parts of Frankford in the near-Northeast — two areas pretty far from each other, but connected by a tiny, snakelike swath of the district. The district is one of the poorest, most crime-ridden and (because of the Gerry thing) most difficult to represent in the city. It has for three years now been held by Democratic Councilwoman Maria Quiùones-Sånchez, the only Latino on City Council. Facing a challenge from Dan Savage, a Frankford ward leader, Quiùones-Sånchez is running on her record, which includes efforts to bring in special police pilot programs and her work on a proposal to change the way the city taxes businesses, in part by

shifting the burden from smaller to larger companies. Savage’s main platform seems to be replacing Quiùones-Sånchez, whom he characterizes as having failed constituents — especially, he’s happy to argue, the ones who live in his neighborhood.

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CaS O a^ZW\bS`SR bWQYSb b] [OYS g]c` d]bS `SOZZg Q]c\b In the 8th Council District — stretching from the low-income, black neighborhood of Nicetown to the immensely wealthy, white Chestnut Hill — there are no landslide elections. The area’s current councilperson, Donna Reed Miller, won in 2007 with merely 31 percent of the vote. Back then, there were five Democratic candidates. Conversely, this race has seven Democrats and no Republican challenger — which means the next councilperson could get a ticket to City Hall with just 15 percent of the vote. In other words, your vote counts extra! But how should you use it? All seven candidates — Cindy Bass, William Durham, Andrew Lofton, Greg Paulmier, Robin Tasco, Howard Treatman and Verna Tyner — agree on most of the big-deal issues. They’re each calling for more community involvement, transparency within the office, no more insider development scandals (a la Germantown Settlement), job growth, good development — everything that many voters say Miller failed to achieve thus far.

Everyone but Bass says they wouldn’t vote for a DROP-enrolled Council president — i.e., Marian Tasco. Treatman, Tyner, Lofton and Tasco favor Council term limits; Bass, Paulmier and Durham don’t. And Bass and Tyner argue their political experience is a good thing, while the rest have touted their outsider status. Who are they? Paulmier, a local developer, has run for this job three times already. Durham is a Pennsylvania Democratic State Committee member. Treatman is a self-financed candidate who’s given $145,000 to his own campaign and serves on the board of CDC Mt. Airy USA. Tyner is a longtime Council aide who’s worked for both Bill Greenlee and the late David Cohen. Lofton is a supervisor for the Greater Philadelphia Urban Affairs Coalition. Tasco is a tough-talking candidate who calls her foes “puppet-masters� and has accused Bass’ campaign of trying to bribe her to drop out. Bass, meanwhile, has been slammed by opponents because Steven Vaughn, a former Miller aide who pleaded guilty to a playto-pay scandal, worked for her campaign. But Bass has also been lauded for her time as an aide to Congressman Chaka Fattah, as well as for her endorsements from big shots like Mayor Nutter, state Rep. Dwight Evans and District Attorney Seth Williams. Whether that makes her a more or less attractive candidate is up to you. (isaiah.thompson@ citypaper.net, holly. otterbein@citypaper.net)

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

➤ Oh, Old City, you could be very nearly on

the rebound if only you’d stop beating people stupid outside Mad River like you did over the weekend. The hot spring is here. Summer will be a humid, temper-raising mess. Save the ire for a Phillies game and the fists for your drunken backyard BBQ. ➤ The Live Arts/Philly Fringe fest may be four months away, but they’re already getting their weird ducks in a row. “We have 226 shows signed up at this point — a record high,” says Craig T. Peterson the new-ish director of the Live Arts Brewery. Show info at livearts-fringe.org. ➤ The Queen is alive: The South Street/Queen Village area is buzzing with the info that Community, a biker/boarder art and industry shop, is opening ASAP at 712 S. Fourth (love the husky hanging out in the foyer). And now that the lean, long-vacant corner of 625 S. Sixth has got an orange-sticker mission statement (Bainbridge Bar & Grille) and a big-shot lawyer (Ed Taraskus, who does a lot of work for Avram Hornik), things should get kicking there soon. And by the time you read this, Downey’s at Front and South will have undergone a major renovation at the hands of Spike TV’s manly Bar Rescue program and restaurant consultant Jon Taffer. By May 12, Downey’s clams should be ready to pop. The next spot to get Bar Rescued? Swanky Bubbles down the block. ➤ I get a lot of my local news from Chris Satullo’s newsworks.org, the online home of WHYY. Well, when that org starts broadcasting a live show from the mother station (90.9 FM) May 16 at 6 p.m., it’ll come with a theme tune: B.C. Camplight’s “Your Daddy is a Little Girl,” a song taped for Weathervane Music Project in 2009. “We wanted music that had drive, that sounded like it was performed by someone under the age of 87 and didn’t sound all plummy and PBS-like,” says Satullo. ➤ Last week, Atlantic City welcomed a first: a gay club in one of its casinos. Prohibition, themed for HBO’s flapper-dapper Boardwalk Empire, is on the 13th floor of Resorts Casino Hotels. A.C. has always had its gay spaces, along Snake Alley and off, such as Mack’s, Val’s, Torch Club, the Brass Rail and Lyle’s, to say nothing of gay/drag nights run by our old Philly friend, the singularly named Mortimer. You go, Jersey gurls. ➤ Speaking of Jersey, Usher is supposed to hit Cherry Hill soon, Four Star Studios to be exact, to sing on a few of his supposed-dad Ben Vereen’s new album. Maybe Usher will stop by producer/occasional collaborator Ian Cross’ house. I’m hearing that Cross will soon leave his native Philly to work on new tracks that Usher has been discussing with electro maven David Guetta. Sounds swank. ➤ Check out Icepack Illustrated at citypaper.net/icepack. It's like this but with pictures. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

SHOT FELT ’ROUND THE WORLD: Michael Willrich’s Pox: An American History (cover, pictured in detail, right) focuses on the social effects of a turn-ofthe-century epidemic.

[ reading/signing ]

ImmunIzatIon natIon Michael Willrich’s smallpox research reveals that, when it comes to our nation’s vaccine wars, history is simply repeating itself. By Shaun Brady

A

t the turn of the century, a vicious killer attacked america, instigating a series of draconian measures at the local and national levels that raised thorny issues of state power and individual liberties. Finally, after years of panic, frenzied political debate, and occasional outbursts of recriminations and violence, this menace was hunted down and eliminated. Familiar as it may sound, this is not the saga that ended earlier this month with the death of Osama bin Laden. The killer in question, as Michael Willrich recounts in Pox: An American History (Penguin Press, March 31), was smallpox. and all the back-andforth over the Patriot act was nothing compared to the battles over compulsory vaccination a century ago. “america is famous for its dearly held ideals of individual liberty,” Willrich says, “but there was a realization that the social conditions produced by industrialization, mass immigration and urbanization at the turn of the 20th century were altering the meaning of liberty and the relationship of the individual to the government. Progressive intellectuals and activists at the time began to make the argument that in order to have any kind of meaningful freedom, people needed government.”

Though he briefly limns the effects of the disease and regularly refers to the vaccination scars and pockmarked faces that became badges of survival, Willrich’s interest is far less on the human toll of smallpox than on its social effects. He started out to write a book about the history of civil liberties in modern america when he found himself drawn to this more obscure byway. “I was interested in exploring terrain that isn’t usually part of the traditional history of civil liberties, which focuses mainly on the problem of political speech,” Willrich explains. “I was interested in areas where individual ideas of liberty come into conflict with a growing administrative and welfare state, and the area that turned out to be the most contested — and therefore the most interesting — was public health.” as he began work in 2003, Willrich — who’ll read from Pox tonight at the College of Physicians of Philadelphia — quickly began to notice parallels between his arcane research and his daily newspaper. In the wake of 9/11, bioterror threats were of very real concern; at the same time, parents across the country were beginning a revolt against childhood vaccinations, laboring under the unfounded belief that they were linked to autism. Though they were distinctly lacking in the Jenny McCarthy department, anti-vaccinationists were just as rabid in their opposition during the early 1900s.

“The medical profession mocked anti-vaccinationists as deranged cranks.”

>>> continued on page 22

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[ too much energy to write off as a relic ] ➤ dance

We’ve always been fans of Mighty Writers (nonprofit writing center for kids) around here, so it’s no surprise their Knight pitch is one of our favorites. The Sound and Fury audio documentary project — proposed by the South-of-South MW center — will explore black Philadelphia radio, from the ’50s to the ’80s (centered around WDaS), via website and panel discussions. More info at mightywriters.org.

among the 36 Knight arts Challenge winners, announced Monday night, some are no-brainers. (We’re looking at you, Barnes.) But devotees as we are of the underdog, we’d like to shout out a few smaller-scale, bigger-brained ideas that’re just as ink-worthy as a $120,000 museum app. First up: dance/USa Philadelphia’s portable dancefloor, which will let performance artists set foot in places their high arches wouldn’t normally allow — we’re thinking ballet at Penn’s Landing, flamenco in Fairmount Park and maybe even tap at the top of the art Museum steps. —Carolyn huckabay

M.J. Fine does it again

—Patrick rapa

➤ theater

➤ sculpture

What’s your problem with theater? Too stuffy, too expensive, too sober? Knight winners tiny dynamite Productions (tinydynamite.org) aim to alleviate that with their a Play, a Pie and a Pint series, an idea they nicked from the U.K. Fifteen bucks gets you in to see some theater at a nontraditional venue (a restaurant or pub, maybe) on an unlikely night (Tuesdays and Wednesdays), plus a glass of beer and a slice of pie (possibly pizza).

Creature-carving darling darla Jackson’s proposed Philadelphia Sculpture Gym not only provides a space for artists to create, but gives them the resources to do it. Jackson, who specializes in anthropomorphized critters made mostly of gypsum cement and epoxy resin, will provide heavy-duty tools, workshops and storage space to young artists who might not have things like encaustic scrapers on hand. Follow this Knight-winning project’s progress at philadelphiasculpturegym.blogspot.com. —Carolyn huckabay

—Patrick rapa

flickpick

[ movie review ]

Bridesmaids [ A- ] EVERY GROWN GIRL with a bestie has been down this road: the $300 dress that

The sentiment behind all the silliness is spot-on.

artist. Her recording career spanned 37 years, from her first demo in 1975 to her final album, released just before cancer took her life last month at 53. But although her discography is short — three solo records and an EP, two X-Ray Spex discs and a few singles — her singular voice and vision endures. Marianne Elliott-Said was born to a British mother and Somali father and raised in Brixton. At 18, she released two tunes under the name Mari Elliott: the reggae “Silly Billy” and the soft-rock “What a Way”; just a year later she became Poly Styrene and, aided by Lora Logic’s unhinged sax solos, launched X-Ray Spex with “Oh Bondage Up Yours,” one of the most thrilling singles in punk — or any other genre. By the time Germfree Adolescents came out in 1978, Logic was out and Rudi Thomson was in, but the band’s formula had been set: Styrene’s strident vocals + her sloganistic stands against conformity and consumerism + blaring sax + grinding rock. If songs like “I Am a Poseur” and “Genetic Engineering” sound manufactured to appeal to disaffected teens, consider the source. Sure,“Plastic Bag” and “Warrior in Woolworths” show their age, but the record’s got too much energy, passion and character to write it off as a relic. Styrene’s first lilting solo single hardly hinted at what would come next, but echoes of it can be heard on Generation Indigo, which she completed shortly before disclosing her illness. Her early affinity for reggae resurfaces in “Code Pink Dub,” which calls for an end to war in Iraq, and in the anti-racism, anti-poverty anthems “Colour Blind” and “No Rockefeller.”Though Styrene never lost her sense of justice, she comes off as positive, rather than didactic.“White Gold” addresses the lack of potable water, but it’s also made for dancing; the disc’s prevailing mood is joy, even when she’s tweaking cruelty-free fashionistas and web-based relationships. And on “L.U.V.,” when the sax comes in to underline the central tenet in her worldview — “Luv, luv, luv, luv, luv is here” — it’s a comfort to know she was at peace with her place in the world and a curse to know it’s the last we’ll hear from her. (m_fine@citypaper.net)

21

ANNIE, GET YOUR GIN: Though Kristen Wiig occasionally overplays her role as a hot-mess best friend, Bridesmaids’ message hits home for anyone who’s ever bustled a train.

➤ POLY StYRENE WaSN’t the most prolific

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makes you look eight months pregnant; the trips to the caterer, to the reception site, to atlantic City or Vegas or Key West; the awkward purchasing of penis straws and slutty lingerie. asking your girlfriend to be a bridesmaid can be a downright shitty thing to do to a person. all of which is to say that producer Judd apatow could’ve tweeted this one in and it’d still be a winner. But what elevates Bridesmaids above the standardissue chick flick is its cast of whip-smart women, all of whom have surely been down that wallet-draining, drama-instigating path themselves. Saturday Night Live prime number Kristen Wiig steps out of her Target smock and into the spotlight as annie, a failed bakery owner/perma-singleton whose best friend, Lillian (Maya Rudolph, pregnant in real life and not quite able to hide it), gets engaged and quickly falls into the plan-pamper-party vortex all brides-to-be inevitably get sucked into. Only annie, self-dubbed “maid of dishonor,” isn’t emotionally — or financially — up to the task of dotting all of her friend’s I’s. Enter Helen (Rose Byrne), a filthy rich ice princess who swoops in to make good on annie’s bridesmaidly foibles. along the way are moments both unnecessary (like annie’s subplot courtship with a lovable cop) and completely insane (a super-gross-out food-poisoned-at-the-bridal-boutique scene, carried by the brilliant Melissa McCarthy, comes to mind), and Wiig occasionally veers into Gilly territory when a non-caricature would’ve been more endearing. But no matter — the sentiment behind all the silliness is spot-on: Girlfriends play a role in women’s lives for which spouses can’t even compete, and in the end, Bridesmaids is a celebration of the women who’ll gladly stand by your side at the altar, just as they would any other day. —Carolyn Huckabay

What a Way

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Immunization Nation <<< continued from page 20

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22 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

M a y 1 2 - M a y 1 8 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

Michael Willrich

“at the turn of the century, people who resisted vaccination, whether they were part of an organized movement or they were just ordinary citizens, were subject to mockery and vilification,” Willrich says. “The press trivialized them, the medical profession mocked them as deranged cranks. But it’s my argument that antivaccinationist arguments historically had popular resonance because they expressed a whole host of concerns that other people had about modern medicine, the rise of the modern state, and their own liberty in an urban-industrial society.” Their fears were also considerably more well-founded, as the U.S. had no system for licensing or inspecting vaccines at the time. So incidents like the 1901 outbreak of post-vaccination tetanus in Camden led to legitimate concerns — especially when the man charged with the investigation was a pre-art-collection Dr. albert C. Barnes, who also happened to work for Philly-based vaccine manufacturer H.K. Mulford. “Conflict of interest” wasn’t a phrase much in vogue 100 years ago. “My first step in the research was to try to understand these ideas and arguments on their own terms rather than just thinking of them as irrational or anti-scientific or backward,” Willrich says. “I think that one of the lessons for today is, rather than to simply be dismissive, to try to understand where these concerns are coming from and how public health officials and doctors can bridge the gap more effectively between scientific knowledge and popular belief.” (s_brady@citypaper.net) Thu., May 12, 6:30 p.m., free (registration

required), College of Physicians of Philadelphia, 19 S. 22nd St., 215-563-3737, collegeofphysicians.org.

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,8/)'4 3+8/)'4 ;9+;3 /4 ./2'*+26./'

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[ arts & entertainment ]

re:view Robin Rice on visual art

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SARTORIAL SPLENDOR ROBERTO CAPUCCI: ART INTO FASHION

Through June 5, $21.50, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Ben Franklin Parkway, 215-235-7469, philamuseum.org

➤ GLOWING LIKE EXOTIC phosphorescent crea-

tells an emotional story about a man on a journey to re-discover his family and re-start his life. Select readers will be chosen to receive two complimentary passes. Register by texting WALTER and your ZIP CODE to 43549 (Example: WALTER 19102)

No purchase necessary. While supplies last. Texting services provided by 43KIX/43549 are free. Standard text message rates from your wireless provider may apply. Check your plan. One entry per cell phone #. Late and/or duplicate entries will not be considered. Winners will be notified by phone. This film is PG-13 for mature thematic material, some disturbing content, sexuality and language including a drug reference. Must be 13 years of age to enter contest and attend screening. Sponsors are not responsible for lost or redirected entries, phone failures, or tampering. Employees of Summit and Philadelphia City Paper are not eligible. Deadline for entries is Thursday, May 12, 2011 at 5 PM ET.

24 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

M A Y 1 2 - M A Y 1 8 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

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PHILADELPHIA ENGAGEMENT STARTS MAY 20

RITZ THEATRES

900 Haddonfield-Berlin Rd. (609) 770-0600

NEW JERSEY’S NEWEST AND LARGEST GENTLEMEN’S CLUB JERSEY GIRLS IS VERY PROUD TO WELCOME

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CHRISTINA AGUCHI THURSDAY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY JUNE 16th-18th PERFORMING 2 SHOWS NIGHTLY AT 10:00pm and Midnight Â’FFF 2D2¸A Â’0=<2/53 43B7A6 Â’/2C:B ;/5/H7<3A Â’FFF <=D3:B73A Â’/2C:B B=GA Â’:7<53@73 Â’$ >@7D/B3 D723= @==;A % < 0ZOQY 6]`aS >WYS ;]c\b 3^V`OW[ <8 & #'

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tures at the bottom of the sea, Roberto Capucci’s dress sculptures triumph where even the edgiest — or most accomplished — “straight� sculptures often fall short: the complete union of color and form. In Capucci’s best work, form, color, line and texture are perfectly balanced; all elements would be diminished by the reduction of just one. Capucci began his career as a designer of elegant and very wearable clothing, as we see in the earliest garment in his Art Museum retrospective. His boxy 1951 gray-belted coat has a military air. It would have perfectly suited the post-war Marlene Dietrich; on the street today, it would receive a second and perhaps third look because of its exceptionally flattering tailoring and fashionable leopard lining (the original has been replaced by synthetic). No one would suspect it came out of great-great-grandmother’s closet. The influence of uniforms, especially ecclesiastical ones, is unmistakable in Capucci’s early work. The majestic, severely flowing lines of Azalea Rosa (1961) suggest the robes of cardinals rather than of nuns. But Capucci also borrowed from nuns when he was smitten by glow-in-the-dark rosaries he noticed in a 1965 procession of penitents in Rome. He located the manufacturer in Assisi and bought crates of them to decorate evening dresses. Capucci’s work has always been fashionable, but he was never fashion’s slave or master. He is an original, playing with whatever engages him, from unusual silhouettes to new materials. He is, however, sensitive to the broad cultural environment. Just as he introduced crass plastic rosary beads, plastic cubes and sheets of transparent vinyl in a mood clearly related to Pop Art, he wove black and white satin ribbons into a stunning, intentionally Op Art Homage to Vasarely (1965). Arte Povera, a 1970s Italian art movement centering on the most humble objects and materials, was the basis of dresses with intricately woven raffia elements, bamboo waistbands or edgings of pebbles. These pieces look startlingly apropos in the “green� clothing environment of today. Capucci also pays his respects to the great art of couture construction and handwork in pieces that incorporate areas of fabulously elaborate, historically grounded embroidery. Inescapably, though, Capucci’s paramount inspiration is nature. It is sometimes expressed in starkly formal structures like Arancia (1982), with its segmented skirt opening to interior panels of more intense glowing orange. Bocciolo (1956)

exploits the density and loft of silk in a balloon skirt draped and twisted beneath a plain red bodice. In the signature Nove Gonne, or Nine Skirts (pictured, 1956), Capucci structured layer upon layer of fabric in a skirt that mimics the concentric ripples flowing from Esther Williams’ high dives; tiny, angled indentations in the perimeters of the skirts complete the diagrammatic illusion. We sense Capucci’s unquenchable joy in the variety of natural forms in the burnished arabesques of Foglie (2007), like autumnal flames against dark velvet. Most iconic is the multicolored Bougainvillea (1989). In this and related pieces, the artist sculpts furled fan-shaped pleats into an

extravagant series of ascending gestures as difficult to follow as writhing plumes of smoke. Capucci addresses the female form as if it were any established historic art pattern: a sonnet, say, or a symphony. It is the basis of infinite variations. Beginning in the 1980s he turned completely to sculpture. He debuted a collection in a different city every year: Berlin, Tokyo, New York. Curator Dilys Blum concludes the show with eight dress sculptures from his 2007 collection, “Return to Origins: Homage to Florence.� In Cracks, a jagged, graffiti-like cutout in Popsicle pink silk is edged in lime green. In Fascia, the belt jets into space, cartoon-like, changing color as it zigzags. The takeaway is this: After six decades of designing, Capucci is still in touch with the zeitgeist. (r_rice@citypaper.net)

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WWW.CITYPAPER.NET/WIN

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. While supplies last. One entry per person or address. Winners will be chosen at random. Each winner will receive one (admit-two) pass. Ticket does not guarantee seating. This screening is overbooked to ensure a full house. You are encouraged to arrive early to reserve your seat. Seating is not guaranteed. Must be 13 years of age or older to enter. Entries must be received by midnight on Friday, May 13th. This film is rated PG-13.

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FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN A PASS, GO TO THE CONTEST PAGE ONLINE AT:

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INVITE YOU AND A GUEST TO A SPECIAL 3D ADVANCE SCREENING

IN THEATRES IN 3D MAY 20TH Disney.com/Pirates Like us on Facebook: Facebook.com/PiratesoftheCaribbean Š 2011 Disney Enterprises, Inc.

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curtaincall

Mistaken Charity

CP theater reviews

➤ Might and Maine Mistaken Charity, a new play by Stan Heleva premièring at Walking Fish theatre, is hindered by its strongest qualities: the

leads’ acting, and Kevin Wayne Jordan’s innovative set. Loosely based on short fiction by 19th-century New Englanders Mary Eleanor Wilkins Freeman and Sarah Orne Jewett, Mistaken Charity shows octogenarian siblings Harriet (Michelle Pauls) and Charlotte (Marcia Hepps) struggling to survive in 1906 Maine. Concerned neighbors played by Jody Gross and Michael Dura want to place the sisters in a home, but “full of cantankerisms” Harriet refuses. Charlotte, her temperamental opposite, imagines herself Queen Victoria’s hidden twin, and senses light seeping into her blind eyes through ethereal “chinks.” The diligence with which Pauls and Hepps create these characters works against them theatrically. While they avoid the clichés of playing roles twice their ages and, with Heleva, create a lilting patois he describes as “New England yankee with smatterings of Irish, pirate, and what we imagine two isolated women born in 1819 on the coast of Maine might have created in their solitude,” they’re often difficult to understand, especially since Pauls performs at a single earsplitting volume. Moreover, their convincingly slow movement leaves us waiting for them to accomplish their daily tasks. Jordan’s set is likewise an achievement, particularly on the tiny Walking Fish stage. The sisters’ little shack is impressive enough, but also transforms into an institutional bedroom and

other locations. Each scene has an artful look, but is achieved through long scene changes that sap the play’s momentum. at just 75 minutes, Mistaken Charity makes us wait far too much. What we wait for, though, has an undeniable charm: The sisters’ simplicity and devotion, and Pauls and Hepps’ determined performances, keeps us rooting for them. Through May 21, $20, Walking Fish Theatre, 2509 Frankford Ave., 215-427-9255, bsomeday.org. —Mark Cofta

➤ good grief The idea of drama holding a mirror up to nature fits Saturn Returns, though Noah Haidle’s reflective play is anything but natural. Through melancholy recitation about memories — “We must break again, and again, and again” — Brenna Geffer’s elegant theatre exile production convincingly reveals an undistinguished lifetime’s defining tragedies. We’re told in the program (not the play — always a bad sign) that a “Saturn return” is when the ringed planet comes back to where it was when a person was born. It’s a time of “personal revolution” every 30 years, but for Gustin, it marks two incidents beyond his control: his wife’s death in childbirth, and his daughter’s demise on a Mexico vacation. We first meet crusty 88-year-old Gustin, movingly played by Harry Philibosian, when he implores visiting nurse Suzanne (amanda Schoonover) to stay and talk in his remote Michigan

[ arts & entertainment ]

house. a lonely lighthouse maintains a constant rhythm upstage in Daniel Boylen’s antiseptic set, its light sweeping across the stage like a metronome, constantly marking time. He’s soon joined by 58-yearold Gustin (Joe Canuso), whose daughter Zephyr (also Schoonover) urges him to date, in part so that the 30-year-old can move on with her own life. We also meet 28-year-old Gustin (David Raphaely), a newlywed dealing with a wife (Schoonover again) with untreated (it’s 1951) emotional problems. Schoonover’s smart, affecting, sincere performance links these three time periods together — each of her characters actually moves forward in life. Like most love stories, Gustin’s tale is a little happy and a lot sad; except for one scene in which Gustin-88 earns Suzanne’s friendship, he does nothing but gaze backward in despair. “This unforgetting,” he says, “will never end.” We empathize, but larger than Gustin’s grief looms the fact that he’s wasted his life grieving. Through May 22, $25-$32, Theatre Exile at Christ Church Neighborhood House, 20 N. American St., 215-218-4022, theatreexile.org. —Mark Cofta

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Films are graded by City PaPer critics a-F.

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SCREEN GEMS PRESENTS A MICHAEL DE LUCA PRODUCTIONS/STARS ROAD ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION IN ASSOCIATION WITH TOKYOPOP “PRIEST” PAUL BETTANY KARL URBAN CAM GIGANDET MAGGIEEXECUTIVE Q LILY COLLINS WITH STEPHEN MOYER AND CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER MUSIC BY CHRISTOPHER YOUNG PRODUCERS GLENN S. GAINOR STEVEN H. GALLOWAY STU LEVY JOSH BRATMAN PRODUCED BASED ON THE GRAPHIC NOVEL BY MICHAEL DE LUCA JOSHUA DONEN MITCHELL PECK SERIES “PRIEST” BY MIN-WOO HYUNG WRITTEN DIRECTED BY CORY GOODMAN BY SCOTT STEWART STARTS FRIDAY, MAY 13 IN THEATERS IN

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13 AssAssiNs|B Though he nearly doubles akira Kurosawa’s samurai count, Takashi miike’s cadre of killers more closely resembles the Dirty Dozen than his predecessor’s magnificent seven. miike knows a little something about numbers; at the age of 50, he’s cranked out dozens of features, ranging over (and quite often mashing together) a staggering variety of genres. By necessity, he’s as inconsistent as he is prolific, though even his misfires tend to be enjoyable in their sheer audacity. a remake of a 1963 film of the same name, 13 Assassins is a relatively straightforward actioner, with miike holding his penchant for startling excesses in check. His talent for indelible images isn’t completely missing, however: witness the flaming bulls or the quadruple-amputee crying blood and inking calligraphy with her mouth. Shinzaemon (Kôji yakusho) is given the task of assassinating the Shogun’s illegitimate brother, a sociopath more interested in torture than diplomacy, assembling the titular baker’s dozen to carry out his plot. The early going is largely concerned with strategy, veering between the compelling and the somewhat over-talky, especially since few among the group are particularly distinguishable from the others (15-20 minutes have reportedly been cut for the american version; I’m guessing that’s more character development than decapitations). But the final 45 minutes are nonstop action, as the assassins trap their prey in a booby-trapped village. “Soon this quiet town will become a bloodbath,” utters one of the characters, and it’s actually something of an understatement, as swords, arrows, sliding walls and the aforementioned taurine inferno wreak delirious havoc. —Shaun Brady (Ritz at the Bourse)

The BeAver Read Shaun Brady’s review at citypaper.net/movies. (Ritz at the Bourse)

BridesmAids|ARead Carolyn Huckabay’s review on p. 21. (Pearl, UA Grant, UA Riverview)

CrACks|F as miss G, an unconventional diving instructor (!) at a British girls boarding school in 1934, Eva Green gives an unintentionally hilarious performance in an abysmally bad film. Dressed like an ersatz flapper, she spouts the most awful dialogue as if it were Shakespeare. and supremely untalented director Jordon Scott (daughter of Ridley, niece of Tony) apparently instructed Green to act and glare like a madwoman at every moment — whether she’s taking her girls on nude midnight swims or letting them have cross-dressing midnight feasts. But when new pupil Fiamma (maría Valverde), a Spanish beauty with a scandalous past, bewitches the eccentric teacher, miss G will stop at nothing to have her. and jealous teacher’s pet Di (Juno Temple, completely and utterly ridiculous) will do everything she can to unseat her rival. Cracks may be a story about innocence corrupted, but the film irresponsibly gives no reason for miss G’s madness, thereby equating Sapphic desire with evil. Instead of playing things — ahem — straight, Scott should have used the many slow-motion diving scenes, glistening moonlit breasts and miss G’s gauzy, drunken seduction to make this howler a decent lesbian soft-core classic. Stay home and watch The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie or even The Facts of Life instead. —Gary M. Kramer (Ritz at the Bourse) everyThiNg musT go|CWatching first-time writer-director Dan Rush’s Everything

WaTer for elephanTs | C UA Grant

Read Drew Lazor’s review at citypaper.net/movies. (Pearl, UA Grant, UA Riverview)

Win Win | BRitz Five

Continuing

For full movie reviews and showtimes, visit citypaper.net/movies.

Cave of forgotten Dreams|C+ In his documentaries as in his fic-

tHe Double Hour|B Giuseppe Capotandi’s sumptuous, sexy thriller twists itself in knots try-

[ movie shorts ]

nuremburg: its lessons for toDay|B+ “People wanted the answers,� narrates Liev Schreiber. “They wanted to know what happened and why.� In 1945, World War II was over and the victors endeavored to provide those answers, through the forum of the Nuremburg war crimes trial. a first version of this documentary was assembled in 1948 by Stuart Schulberg from footage of the war and the courtroom; restored by Sandra Schulberg and Josh Waletzky,

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Jane eyre | B Ritz Five

ing to wrong-foot its audience — and succeeds, at least for a time. Italo-Slovenian chambermaid Sonia (Kseniya Rappoport) meets widowed ex-cop Guido (Filippo Timi) at a speed-dating session and it’s love, or something, at first sight. But after the art-stuffed mansion he guards is ransacked by a group of well-informed thieves, it becomes clear their relationship isn’t as it seems. Indeed, almost nothing is. Capotandi and his three screenwriters stuff the film back-to-front with recurring lines and shots, creating an eerie sense of dÊjà vu and a feeling of looming expectation they never quite pay off. —S.A. (Ritz Five)

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There Be draGons | CRitz at the Bourse

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tion features — not, incidentally, a distinction he recognizes — Werner Herzog seeks out obsessive heroes, but the doomed madmen of the past have been supplanted by scientists and other professional monomaniacs. In the wild, so to speak, Herzog has found characters as strange as any he could dream up. But Cave of Forgotten Dreams, which takes him inside a prehistoric art gallery in southern France, doesn’t turn on a single figure, or any figures at all. Not even Herzog makes a pronounced impression. It’s as if he were so impressed with the sites inside the Chauvet caves that he were at a loss for words. —S.A. (Ritz East)

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in their home uninvited, he doles out what might be wisdom in foul-mouthed parables, making their life better in the rare moments when he’s not making it worse. Gordon-Levitt is branching out in so many directions it’s hard to say when he’s cast against type, but this shirtless, lanky-haired slob is certainly a stretch, and a mostly successful one. Too bad the film didn’t take the time to limber up. —Sam Adams (Ritz at the Bourse)

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a Sundance staple gets a mildly revivifying spin in Spencer Susser’s debut. a family — dad (Rainn Wilson), young son (Devin Brochu) and dotty grandma (Piper Laurie) — reeling from the mother’s sudden death is visited by an unreal character who helps them work through their grief. Only in this case, the magical sprite is a shirtless metalhead played with extra relish by Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Taking up residence

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Must Go is something like arriving at a yard sale just minutes before the owners are ready to fold up the tables and leave their remaining junk on the curb. The good stuff is long gone; what’s left is picked over, broken or unnecessary. Raymond Carver’s short story Why Don’t You Dance?, which serves as Rush’s inspiration, is succinct, oblique, all about hints and intimations, a simple crossing of paths where little is explained but much is felt. The change in title says it all, giving away the groaningly obvious metaphor that not only serves as the center of the film but is about all there is to it. Will Ferrell is likable if dully restrained as an alcoholic who loses his job on the same day his wife finally decides to leave and change the locks on the door. Finding his possessions strewn across the lawn and his car repoed, he takes up residence on his favorite recliner and starts cracking the PBRs. What happens from there is an inconsequential redemption tale, its only surprises coming in how little unfolds; the character’s past is shrugged off and not much is asked of him other than to be kind of a nice guy and befriend a few neighbors with their own issues. Like the burdensome belongings that he finally puts on sale, the story does little more than take up space. —S.B. (Ritz Five)

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it now reveals not only the horrors embodied by the Nazi officials, but also suggests how the trial imposed order — and offered answers — for traumatized survivors. —Cindy Fuchs (Roxy)

Pom Wonderful Presents: the Greatest movie ever sold|C+ With his documentary on the prevalence of product placement, morgan Spurlock attempts not only to have his cake and eat it, but to get someone else to pick up the check. The Greatest Movie Ever Sold was purportedly financed entirely through brand integration; the process of nailing down who pays to have what shown and how is not only the movie’s hook but its substance. —S.A. (Ritz Five)

somethinG BorroWed|D The aptly named Something Borrowed is particularly egregious in its lazy recycling of ideas. On the night of her

30th birthday party, Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) ends up in bed with her old law school study buddy Dex (Colin Egglesfield) — who unfortunately is engaged to her best friend, the selfish, spotlight-hogging Darcy (Kate Hudson). Goodwin and Egglesfield aren’t called on to do much more than suffer through her tirades while mooning adorably at each other, which is where the trouble lies — the issues here could all be ironed out with a couple of conversations, but neither character has the guts to speak up. —S.B. (Roxy, UA Grant)

thor|D This attempt at turning Thor, the most popular Norse God and a long-dormant marvel property, into a 3-D-era hero seemed destined for glory — he has a 12-pack and a blustery accent and a cape and he smashes the crap out of things with a magical flying hammer,

how could this not work?! Turns out Kenneth Branagh has figured out how to whiff on this lazy pitch down the middle by constantly supplanting what the God of Thunder does best (kick mythic ass) with what he does worst (talk ‌ and “understandâ€?). Thor, played with plenty of cocky energy by aussie Chris Hemsworth, is booted from shiny asgard by his father, Odin (anthony Hopkins), landing on Earth and into the lap of timid, fond-of-flannel astrophysicist Jane Foster (Natalie Portman). Stripped of his powers and forced to coerce with humanity due to his hothead streak, he doesn’t “getâ€? the customs of puny humans right away — haha, he just smashed a coffee mug at a diner instead of simply asking for a refill, oh Thor! But then, by some universe-slicing stroke of Valhalla, he becomes utterly comfortable in his mortal skin. you’d think Thor’s one area of immutable appeal — flattening people and objects with his hammer while yelling “Ha-Ha!â€? — would be Branagh’s primary focus here, but heavy action is outweighed by boring politricks, thickheaded faith-vs.-science debates and a bunch of administrative nonsense about a rainbow bridge operated by Idris Elba. Lacking the crowd-pleasing structure and charisma of the Iron Man or X-Men movies, Thor fails because it knows what its audience wants and still doesn’t deliver it. —Drew Lazor (Pearl, UA Grant)

✚ rePertory film amBler theater 108 E. Butler Ave., Ambler, 215-3457855, amblertheater.org. My Movie Girl (2009, U.S., 83 min.) a film buff uses his expertise in cheesy Hollywood romance to woo the ladies. The screening is followed by a Q&a with filmmaker adam Bronstein. Tue., may 17, 7 p.m. $8.

lives of three WWII vets. Sun., may 15, 2 p.m., $8. These Amazing Shadows (2011, U.S., 88 min.): a doc about the National Film Registry’s collection of films that “make america.� Sun., may 15, 4 p.m., $8.

the BalCony

doCk street

1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc. com. Wet Hot American Summer (2001, U.S., 97 min.): “We’ve made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers.� mon., may 16, 8 p.m., $3.

701 S. 50th St., 215-726-2337, dockstreetbeer.com. Total Recall (1990, U.S., 113 min.): “I’ve got to hand it to you. It’s the best mind-fuck yet.� Tue., may 17, 8 p.m., free.

doylestoWn food Co-oP Bryn maWr film institute 824 W. Lancaster Ave., Bryn Mawr, 610-527-9898, brynmawrfilm.org. The Barrel of a Gun (2010, U.S.): a doc chronicling the controversy over the 1981 killing of a Philadelphia cop and the conviction of black activist mumia abu-Jamal. Followed by a Q&a with director Tigre Hill. Wed., may 18, 7:30 p.m., $10.

Colonial theatre 227 Bridge St., Phoenixville, 610-9171228, thecolonialtheatre.com. The Best Years of Our Lives (1946, U.S., 172 min.): Glamour-puss myrna Loy stars in this film about the changed

fffff

international house 3701 Chestnut St., 215-895-6535, ihousephilly.org. Solaris (1972, Russia, 166 min.) a cosmonaut is sent to investigate “strange transmissionsâ€? from a space station. Thu., may 12, 7 p.m., $8. Seduced and Abandoned (1964, Italy, 117 min.) a 15-year-old Sicilian girl is impregnated by her sister’s fiancĂŠ. Family dysfunction ensues. Fri., may 13, 7 p.m., $8.

2100 Fairmount Ave., 267-514-7145, mugshotscoffeehouse.com. Remember the Titans (2000, U.S., 113 min.): One of those heartwarming sports movies, with Denzel Washington taking the lead as a football coach. Fri., may 13, 7 p.m., free. The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000, U.S., 126 min.): another of the aforementioned sports flicks, but this one stars Will Smith as a magical caddy. mon., may 16, 7 p.m., free.

Little should be said other than

‘ WOW, WOW, WOW.’ ALSO, ‘ WOw.’� — JOSHUA ROTHKOPF, TIME OUT NEW YORK

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County Theater, 20 E. State St., Doylestown, 215-345-6789, countytheater.org. Food Fight (2008, U.S., 91 min.): a look at how food culture developed in the 20th century and how organic farming took off in the 21st. Thu., may 12, 7 p.m., $8.

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“A CLASSIC

SAMURAI film, RIGHT UP THERE AMONG THE FINEST IN THE GENRE.�

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— KEVIN THOMAS, LOS ANGELES TIMES

704 South St., 215-413-0999, woodenshoebooks.com. Crossing the

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American Crises: From Collapse to Action (2011, U.S., 86 min.): Film-

makers traverse the country asking americans how they feel about the recession. Sun., may 15, 7 p.m., free.

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the agenda

[ blissfully free of prevailing trends ]

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GET ANGRY: Standup comic Doug Stanhope plays the Troc on Friday. Steven MeCKler

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/listings. iF yOU Want tO Be liSted:

—Patrick rapa Thu., May 12, 8 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., May 1314, 8 and 10:30 p.m.; $20-$32, Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St., 215496-9001, heliumcomedy.com.

Thursday

5.12 [ comedy ]

Judah Friedlander

Toxic I vividly remember the classic 700 Club Thursdays, with Low Bee turnin’ it out to a packed and sweaty crowd. you could smell the sex in the air, you could slip on the beer-soaked floor and, most of all, you’d be guaranteed a blast all night. Toxic, a new party kicking off this week with tunes from Dirty South Joe and Low Beezy, promises to rekindle some of those

—Gair “dev79” Marking Thu., May 12, 10 p.m.-2 a.m., free, Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave., 215-6347400, thebarbary.org.

[ rock/pop ]

SurFer Blood/ Trail oF dead Both harkening back to the days when indie rock (née alternative) was big business — and by and large operating blissfully free of prevailing trends — viberiding Floridian fuzz-poppers Surfer Blood and blustery Texan punk-prog mythologists … and you Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead wring considerably divergent energetic frequencies out of their comparably overdriven six-strings (and violent monikers). But their mildly eyebrow-raising team-up for this co-headlining tour was a savvy move, uniting two generations of post-grunge shredders: relative newbies Blood, still cruising high on the waves of last year’s debut; the veteran

Trail of Dead, enjoying a longawaited second wind following February’s Tao of the Dead (Richter Scale), their pompously presented (and preposterously titled) but musically lean and kicky seventh full-length. —K. ross hoffman Thu., May 12, 8 p.m., $13-$14, all ages, with True Widow and Weekends, First Unitarian Church, 2125 Chestnut St., 877-435-9849, r5productions.com.

Friday

5.13 [ classical ]

Ying QuarTeT Now that he’s retired as executive director of Settlement music School, an unforgivingly grueling job, Robert Capanna should have more time to write music. In the meantime, the superb young american ensemble ying Quartet will play his First

String Quartet, from 1996, originally commissioned by the Philadelphia Chamber music Society. His sharp, challenging music will be presented amid a sea of Haydn and mendelssohn. —Peter Burwasser Fri., May 13, 8 p.m., $23, Independence Seaport Museum, 211 S. Columbus Blvd., 215-569-8080, pcmsconcerts.org.

anger, precision and agility. Still, I’m not sure you go to his shows for a good time, exactly. you’ll laugh, you’ll applaud, but you’ll always cock your eyes sideways at your fellow audience members and wonder: are they way too into this? are we all gonna go burn down a church together later? —Patrick rapa

[ comedy ]

doug STanhope Sometimes — like when he’s talking shit on Trig Palin — Doug Stanhope comes off like the biggest douchebag in the world. Jokes about “retards” in 2011? Sigh. But the hard-drinking, chain-smoking standup comic does have useful things to say about immigration, the war on drugs and other actual political issues. Stanhope — whose new live album, Oslo: Burning the Bridge to Nowhere, just came out on Roadrunner — is one angry humanist, railing against all religions and delusions with

Fri., May 13, 8 p.m., $24 (seated), Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc.com.

[ rock/pop ]

hezekiah JoneS and The Spinning leaveS Sure, the name of their album is silly — Hezekiah Leaves and The Spinning Joneses. But the music behind the concept is stark and wondrously bizarre. The Spinning Leaves’ michael Baker and Barbara Gettes usually make a mix of traditional folk music laced with elements of soft, warm psychedelia. Check their Love CD if you don’t

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On 30 Rock he’s Frank, the sleazy comedy writer with the endless supply of novelty trucker hats. In that one Dave matthews video, he was “Hug

[ dj nights ]

glory-day memories.

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Submit information by mail (City Paper Listings, 123 Chestnut St., Third Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19106) or e-mail (listings@ citypaper.net) to Josh Middleton. Details of the event — date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price — should be included. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

Guy,” going around consoling people who somehow got mixed up in a Dave matthews video. and sometimes he’s the World Champion, author of How to Beat Up Anybody: An Instructional and Inspirational Karate Book. That’s the Friedlander who’ll be kicking ass during a three-night run at Helium.

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$2 TACOS EVERY SUNDAY

queerbait Josh Middleton on the LGBTQ scene

from 7-Midnight!

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➤ OH, THE PLACES WE’VE BEEN If a gay knows anything (and believe me, honey, we know plenty), it’s how to get noticed. So when organizers began forming the Philadelphia Voices of Pride (PVOP), they knew they’d have to compete with already-established local LGBTQ choirs to get their chirpy asses off and running. To stand apart, they created the region’s only alternative-lifestyle chorus that welcomes everyone in the note-carrying, gay-friendly community — from gay dudes and lesbians to transsexuals and straight allies. And it seems to be working: This year they’re celebrating their fifth year with Oh, The Places We’ve Been, a retrospective concert that incorporates tunes from all of their shows. “Everyone hoped we’d make it this long,” says baritone PVOP president Paul Jensen, who iterates that after five years, the 35-member group has finally grasped the ins and outs of running a choir that’s starting to fill local venues and attract new crops of singing hopefuls every year. And while other area gay choirs still tend to be gender-specific, Jensen says PVOP’s acceptance of both men and women gives them the edge of incorporating all four vocal sections, and therefore a wider range of music for them to add to their catchy repertoire. The group of songsters, ranging in age from twentysomethings to septuagenarians, has been practicing once a week since January to resurrect some of their most popular songs, including jazzy standards like “Blue Skies” and pop anthems like Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Immediately following the performance there’ll be a reception with cake and various other nibbles, but what happens to PVOP down the road? “I would like us to be well-known in the Philadelphia area and have the reputation for concerts that are engaging, professional and enjoyable,” says Jensen. “We have some work to do to get there, but I am confident we will.” Keep on singing, sisters! Sat., May 21, 8 p.m., $20, Church of St. Luke and the Epiphany, 330 S. 13th St., pvop.org. (joshua.middleton@citypaper.net)

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Have an upcoming LGBTQ event? Give it here. E-mail listings@citypaper.net.

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believe me. Hezekiah Jones is a Philly collective of shifting participants whose wagons surround songwriting singer Raphael Cutrufello. His weird brand of folk can be heard on

Thu 5/12

Misstallica AcrAssicAudA Fri 5/13

the arMchairs (last shOW) dinosAur FeAThers, The circAdiAn rhyThms orbiT To LesLie

downsTAirs: FridAy hAppy hour dJs- TrAcy And ZiTA From 5-10p sAT 5/14

Buried Beds

Ape schooL, in one wind downsTAirs: 2nd sATurdAys- AFricAn/AnALogue brunch wiTh dJ shorTsTAck From 11A-3p sun 5/15 (eArLy show)

the Big hOrn Jazz Band downsTAirs: 3rd sundAys- brunch wiTh cApTAin mArbLes spinning From 11A-3p mon 5/16 downsTAirs: 3rd mondAys- AperiTivo wiTh dJ sLowpoke From 8p-midnighT Tues 5/17

JOhn Vanderslice dAmien JurAdo

downsTAirs: 3rd TuesdAy- newT Lynn And ben dickey revoLve records wed 5/18 Ars novA workshop presenTs:

Flat earth sOciety inZinZAc

Corner of frankford & Girard. fishtown. www.johnnybrendas.Com

Hezekiah Says You’re A-OK and EPs like Come to Our Pool Party and Bread of Teeth. After having shared many a bill and many a beer, The Leaves and The Joneses decided to collaborate, and the recorded results are something beautifully asymmetrical, bluesy and dedicated to tender stories with strange characters (“Stan the Fisherman”), alluring romance (“You Are the Sun”) and urine (“All My Pee”).

[ the agenda ]

necklaces. Thanks to celebrations of all things handmade, like this weekend’s Art Star Craft Bazaar, DIY is no longer lame — crafts can be unique, quirky and even glamorous. Megan Brewster and Erin Waxman, owners of Art Star Gallery & Boutique, began the bazaar in 2003 with only 20 vendors. This year? That number’s climbed to 160, more than half of whom are Philly-based. “We get double the applications than space we have,” says Brewster. The end results include anything from

—A.D. Amorosi Fri., May 13, 8 p.m., $12 (with album), with The Extraordinaires, Nic Esposito of The Savage Detectives and Joshua Park, Bookspace, 1113 Frankford Ave., phillybookspace.blogspot.com.

[ festival ]

ART STAR CRAFT BAZAAR Don’t let the word “craft” conjure images of macaroni

$1 buttons to $100 necklaces, from vendors like Bright Lights Little City, Horrible Adorables, Laura George Art & Illustration (pictured) and many more. “It’s like our store,” Brewster says — “something for everyone.” —Kala Jamison Sat.-Sun., May 14-15, 11 a.m.-6 p.m., free, Penn’s Landing, Great Plaza, Columbus Boulevard and Walnut Street, artstarcraftbazaar.com.

COMING UP: Jeffrey Gaines 6/3, Jen Creed 6/5, Sloan Wainwright 6/8 FRI 5/13 7:30 WXPN Welcomes

SAT 5/14 7:30

WED 5/18 8:00

Michael McDermott Peter Bradley Adams

Laura Shay

Fred Eaglesmith

THU 5/19 8:00 CD Release Party!

FRI 5/20 10:00 WXPN Welcomes

Danny Bell

Paul Dempsey

Michele Karmin SAT 5/21 7:30 WXPN Welcomes

Frances Dunnery WED 5/25 8:00

Marc Silver & the Stonethrowers Roustabout WED 6/1 8:00

Chris Pureka

Teddy Thompson

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Angela Sheik

Danielia Cotton

the agenda

THU 5/12 8:30 WXPN Welcomes

the naked city | feature | a&e

tix and info: 215.928.0978 . www.tinangel.com 20 south 2nd street, phila

SAT 5/21 10:30 CD Release Party!

Kill the Alarm

Phil La Placa, Matt Lipschutz FRI 5/27 10:30

Sharon Little Katie Barbato

THU 6/2 8:00

Big Sandy & His Fly-Rite Boys

INTERNATIONAL COMFORT FOOD ECLECTIC AND INTIMATE WITH A TINGE OF ROMANCE FOR 26 YEARS

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5JDLFUNBTUFS DPN t t BFHMJWF DPN t 5JDLFU1IJMBEFMQIJB PSH t t 5IF .BOO #PY 0GmDF

Fairmount Park, Philadelphia | MannCenter.org

classifieds | food the agenda

a&e | feature | the naked city

5.14 [ tv/theme party ]

Sat., May 14, 4:30-9 p.m., $55 (includes buffet and all-you-can-drink beer and wine), The Seaward (aka Ben Franklin Yacht), 401 N. Delaware Ave., 215-3515333, theseaward514.blogspot.com.

Sunday

5.15 [ style/charity ]

HAirdressers AgAinst Aids Tobias Fünke (as never nude), Kitty Sanchez (with liftable blouse), hot cop, Lucille Two, Crindy, Ice, Rita Leeds (with duck backpack), maggie Lizer

Getting a haircut doesn’t have to be an exercise in narcissism. On Sunday, Salon Vanity is donating a portion of its proceeds to Hairdressers against aIDS, which works to prevent the spread of the disease

—emily apisa Sun., May 15, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., $60, Salon Vanity, 1701 Walnut St., 215-9252211, vanityphilly.com.

Monday

5.16 [ comedy/podcast ]

doug Benson Doug Benson’s hobbies are well known. The dude enjoys pot, as observed in the 2008 doc Super High Me in which he went straight for 30 days, then smoked up for 30 days, and measured the effects (weed actually improved his SaT scores). He’s into standup comedy, as evidenced by the fact that he’s been doing it for two decades plus. He likes inter-

[ the agenda ]

rupting other comedians trying to do standup, which you know if you’ve ever checked out The Benson Interruption TV show/ live show/podcast. and Doug Loves Movies, hence the popular podcast/live show of the same name wherein he rounds up some semi-famous friends for a couple rounds of The Leonard maltin Game. Tuesday’s DLm taping at Helium is already sold out, but you can still check out Benson’s standup on monday (assuming he doesn’t get busted at the airport).

food | classifieds

Look above and below for the important info; let’s use this space to go over your costume options. Five points: any main-character Bluth/Fünke in normal wardrobe, Barry Zuckerkorn, Steve Holt, Bob Loblaw. Ten points: annyong,

—Patrick rapa

through shared knowledge. “It’s something I’ve seen a lot in my industry,” says stylist/event oragnizer Danielle George. “I’ve seen people lose partners and best friends.” Finally, you’ll feel as good as you look.

the agenda

Arrested development Costume/ BoAt pArty

(blind and pregnant), officers Taylor and Carter (with boobbaby). Fifteen: Gene Parmesan, mrs. Featherbottom, Tony Wonder (with real W goatee), Stan Sitwell (with shaven eyebrow), Tracey Bluth. Twenty: mr. Bananagrabber. and let’s say 100 points if you blue yourself.

the naked city | feature | a&e

Saturday

—Patrick rapa Standup, Mon., May 16, 8 p.m., $20; Doug Loves Movies, Tue., May 17, 8 p.m., sold out; Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St., 215-496-9001, heliumcomedy.com.

[ rock/pop ]

lykke li Sweden’s Lykke Li Zachrisson cut a curious, halfway-to-compelling figure when she first emerged in 2007, splitting the difference between awkward,

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | m a y 1 2 - m a y 1 8 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

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a&e | feature | the naked city the agenda classifieds | food

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teeny-boppish cuteness and oblique, texturally distinctive avant-pop invention. Wounded Rhymes (Atlantic), her arresting second set, finds her grown into a markedly more assured crafter of song and sound, investing textbook retropop tropes with a ruggedly modern edge, ratcheting up the grittily sparse sonic tension, and unleashing a newfound earthiness in her singing voice to yield a powerfully tough and tender album that feels deliberate and vulnerable in equal measure. —K. Ross Hoffman Mon., May 16, 8 p.m., $25-$35.25, with Grimes, TLA, 334 South St., 215-9221011, livenation.com.

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WEDNESDAY

5.18 [ dance ]

A.W.A.R.D. SHOW! A.W.A.R.D. (aka Artists With Audiences Responding to

Dance) sounds bland, but it’s actually totally lively — you just have to pay attention to the rules. On the first night, four choreographers each present a piece. Afterward, the audience and dancemakers strike up a conversation about what they’ve just seen. Then, the audience votes, American Idol-style. The process repeats for two more nights (for a total of 12 competing choreographers). On the fourth night, the three finalists compete in a dance-off, after which the audience, plus a panel of judges, get the last word on who deserves the top prize of $10,000. “A lot of people focus on how they’re vying for money — that’s part of the allure,� says Randy Swartz, artistic director of Dance Affiliates, which presents the program in collaboration with NYC’s Joyce Theater Foundation. On top of that, he says, “We’ve empowered the audience. They get a chance to participate and sit at the judges’ table.� The full lineup: Eric Bean, Eleanor Goudie-Averill, Meredith Rainey, Brian Sanders (May 18); Zane Booker, Bronwen

[ the agenda ]

MacArthur, Gabrielle Revlock, Yu Wei (May 19); and Tyger B, Sarah Konner, Rain Ross, Raphael Xavier (May 20). That’s a nice representation of our local dance scene, from emerging to established artists. If you’re a fan of any of the above, show up and throw ’em some love. If you’re new to dance, come and see what it’s all about — you just might learn something. —Deni Kasrel Wed.-Sat., May 18-21, 7 p.m., $15-$40, Arts Bank, 601 S. Broad St., 215-8931999, danceaffiliates.org.

More on:

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~TUESDAY~ $5 Burgers $3 Victory Pints ALL DAY! $2 Well Drinks and $5 Layered Pints 10pm-12am Manayunk’s Best Pub Quiz Starts @ 9pm ~WEDNESDAY~ $6 Beer Infused Mussel Bowls $3 Rotating Craft Beer Pints (ALL DAY) $2 Blue Moons and $2 U-Call Its10-12 am ~THURSDAY~ $2 Miller Lite ALL DAY ½ Price Drinks (All Drinks) 9-11pm ½ Price Irish Craic Nachos ~FRIDAY~ New Friday Happy Hour $1 High Life and $3 Jameson and Ginger from 6-8pm What’s in the Box Promotion 7-10pm. Buy an Irish Pint and win. $3 Coors Lights ALL DAY! Live Band – Jamison ~SATURDAY~ Two DJ’s @ 10pm $3 Miller High Life ALL DAY Skillet Brunch til 3pm ~SUNDAY~ Skillet Brunch until 3 pm. $5 Pulled Pork Pubwiches $3 Bud light pints ALL DAY $ 3 Stella Pints & $4 Guinness Pints 9-11 p.m

Mon, May 16th, 8:30pm PBR’S ROCK,PAPER,SCISSORS TOURNAMENT, $4 16oz PBR & Jim Beam Special during the game! Tues, May 17rd 8pm, No Cover SMILE.New Record Party w/Wil H & Steady Eddie and Friends -spinning,BLUES & RHYTHM,ROCK & ROLL, PSYCH,GARAGE,SURF & SOUL Drink Specials 8-11pm

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14

SAT

~MONDAY~ WING NIGHT... $0.35 Wings $2 Yuenglings ALL DAY! $3 Smithwicks and $2 Wells 10-12am

the agenda

13

FRI

the naked city | feature | a&e

“A POP PARTY FOR THE REST OF US�

THU

Saturday, May 28th, 9pm $5 Sharkwave Productions presents‌Harsh Vibes, Splintered Milk, Rocket to the Drone. Every Tuesday, 8pm King of the Hill Pool Tournament Wed Nite Open Mic ‘Original Music’ 9pm w/ Dave Robins or Abe the Rockstarr Happy Hour Mondays-Fridays 5-7pm $2.50 Kenzinger Pints & More! Beer of the Month Magic Hat Circus Boy FREE WI-FI

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Tuesdays with Brass Heaven

$3 Hurricanes, $5 Pitchers & NOLA food specials 7 p.m. $8 21 +

Philadelphia Songwriters Project Finals 3 p.m. $15 All Ages

Sun. 5/22 -

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the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city food classifieds

f&d

foodanddrink

portioncontrol By Adam Erace

oh, danny boy Danny’s Café | 1703 Snyder Ave., 215-467-4082,

dannyscafe.net. Open Mon.-Fri., 8 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sat., 9 a.m.-7 p.m.; closed Sun. Breakfast, $1.85-$3.50; banh mi, $3-$3.95; stews, $5.49; beverages, $1.49-$3.50.

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M a y 1 2 - M a y 1 8 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

➤ “saRcone’s bakeRy seRved here” is

a proclamation you might expect from the Italian Market’s ward of red-gravy stalwarts, not a sleepy Cambodian-owned café on the western stretch of Snyder Avenue. Nevertheless, there it is, tattooed in dry-erase marker on Danny’s Café’s storefront windows with a dozen other cutesy, colorful bytes — “Daily Soup FREE: Chip & Can Soda”; “BUBBLE TEA 19 FLAVORS”; “Assorted Bakery & Desserts.” When owners Danny and Lynn Kong took a page from the restaurant Indonesia (located across the street) and moved their business from Center City to South Philly two years ago, they made sure to cover all their bases. So along with serving an edited menu of banh mi, homey curries and exotic-fruit smoothies, the counter is cluttered with cellophane-entombed croissants, bagels and biscotti, plus glass jars of Lore’s chocolate-covered pretzels. Incense from the gold Buddha shrine on the floor snakes toward the ceiling, where carved plaques spout Miss J fingersnap wisdom like “Lose the Drama” and “Let Me Drop Everything and Work on Your Problem.” The eyes don’t want for diversion here — CNN on the TV, framed photos of Danny beaming alongside Anna Verna and ex-Mayor John Street — nor do the taste buds. On the counter, a Vita-Prep whirrs up pineapple, passionfruit and nearly 20 other tropicalfruit smoothies (made from actual fruit!), and the Vietnamese coffee, served hot or iced, is properly thick. Either elevates the so-so banh mi, featuring leathery strips of grilled pork shoulder, carrots, cucumbers, mayo, jalapeños and cilantro erupting from a baguette like a window box in heat. Though the Vietnamese hoagies don’t wow, the Kongs’ simmered-all-day stews are singular. Stew weather is long gone, but the flavors and textures in these exotically scented pots can cut through the Philly humidity.Think smoky Thai curry spices for the chicken stew, strips of succulent dark meat falling off thigh bones and into the saffron-gold sauce, while the homey Vietnamese-style beef stew borrows flourishes of fish sauce, lime leaf, lemongrass and cilantro from its distant cousin, pho. With a smile and plastic-gloved hand, Lynn serves the stews in neat square bowls with sides of lime, a salt/pepper blend and a non-seeded Sarcone’s torpedo wrapped in a wax-paper sheath. Tear. Dunk. Repeat as needed. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

SERIOUS SUGAR RUSH: Carolyn Wyman stacked up Tastykake snacks (on the left) with similar offerings from Georgia’s Flowers Foods, which recently purchased the Philly bakery. neal SantoS

[ taste test ]

kake walk We pit Philly’s Tastykake products against offerings from its brand-new owners. By Carolyn Wyman

T

asty Baking’s soon-to-be new Georgia owner has promised to keep hundreds of locals baking at Tastykake factories, while making good on $25 million borrowed from state taxpayers. But Flowers Foods’ mid-april purchase announcement failed to say much about what will actually happen to Philadelphia’s beloved snack cakes. Will Flowers change the recipes? Get rid of my favorite flavor varieties? Will the “synergies” touted any time one company takes over another ruin what has been, up to now, the Mercedes of american snack-food brands? This isn’t just local pride talking. Former Tasty Baking marketing exec George Latella, now a food marketing professor at St. Joseph’s More on: University, says people typically favor the brand they grew up eating — but I grew up in New England eating Drake’s. and while I still have a soft spot for their apple pies, I’ve always thought Tasty products to be a step above Drake’s, Hostess, Dolly Madison and Little Debbie, especially when it comes to their chocolate (typically dark, and of a much higher quality than competitors’). Will Flowers change that? as of now, the company isn’t saying. “It would be premature to say anything before the sale goes through”

citypaper.net

(likely before July), says Flowers spokeswoman Mary Krier. But actions speak loud. and proof of Flowers’ baking abilities are already on display in the region, via their Mrs. Freshley’s snack-food brand. Not familiar? That could be because you do your snack-food shopping in grocery stores rather than at vending machines, where the brand made its 1994 debut, or in dollar stores, where they are primarily found locally. Mrs. Freshley’s snack cakes are cheap — and cheap can be good coming off a recession. But are they as tasty as Tasty? That’s the real question that I, a veteran of processed-food tasting for the syndicated Supermarket Sampler newspaper column, attempted to answer in the following Iron Chef-like taste-test of comparable Mrs. Freshley’s and Tasty snacks. ➤ TasTykake Rich FRosTed Mini donuTs ($3.99 peR 14ounce box) vs. MRs. FReshley’s FRosTed Mini donuTs ($1.69 peR 11.5-ounce bag)

I’m a regular consumer of Tasty chocolate Mini Donuts. Their chocolate coating is darker and richer than any other brand (I’ve tried them all), and if they’re really fresh, that coating snaps when you bite (although they are not as mini as their competitors, or as I’d like, and they were better when they had trans fats). Mrs. Freshley’s are no match, although hers aren’t horrible. The main problem is a waxy chocolate coating that doesn’t taste much like chocolate. They’re as good as Hostess, probably. Mrs. Freshley’s Mini Donuts might have benefited in this matchup

more food and drink coverage at c i t y p a p e r . n e t / m e a lt i c k e t.

>>> continued on adjacent page

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Kake Walk <<< continued from previous page

I’ve already begun stockpiling Kandy Kakes and Mini Donuts.

Mediterranean Cuisine .Open 7 days a week Hummus, Kibeh, Kabob, Grape Leaves, Falafel, and Seafood specialty 616 S. 2nd Street 215.925.4950 www.cedarsrestaurant.com

gracetavern.com

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-#. , #( #

➤ TASTYKAKE GLAZED HONEY BUN (50 CENTS PER 2.5OUNCE BUN) VS. MRS. FRESHLEY’S HONEY BUNS ($1 PER BOX OF SIX, 1.75-OUNCE BUNS)

food

from the fact that I bought them on only the second day of their 30-day packaged-specified shelf life. The Tasty Mini Donut box, by contrast, boasts of being “Made Fresh Daily� and was coded to be good for only a week. (Flowers extends the shelf life of its fancifully named Mrs. Freshley’s brand — there is of course no such person — with the preservatives used by virtually all packaged snack-food makers and also, Latella says, by shipping frozen.)

MIDDLE EASTERN & LEBANESE CUISINE SINCE 1986

North Indian Cuisine Clay Oven Cooking

Honey Buns are signature items for Mrs. Freshley’s that have received accolades from Automatic Merchandiser and Convenience Store & Petroleum Retailers magazines; they have roots in the Griffin Pie company that invented this breakfast treat. But this 1.75-ounce family pack version has an odd bear-claw shape, like a honey bun specimen from the Mßtter. It’s also denser, blander and less interesting than Tasty’s, which is composed of distinct ropes of bready Danish pastry infused with cinnamon you can see and taste.

%": -6/$) %*//&3 #6''&5

• Discount For college stuDents • • We Do cAtering For All occAsions • • coMPetitiVelY PriceD • luncH $8.95 • • Dinner BuFFet $11.95 •

➤ TASTYKAKE SWISS ROLLS ($3.99 PER BOX OF SIX, 2-OUNCE TWIN-PACKS) VS. MRS. FRESHLEY’S SWISS ROLLS ($1 PER BOX OF SIX, 2-OUNCE TWIN-PACKS)

4 5) 45 #&58&&/ $)&45/65 ."3,&5 454 1)0/& '"9 These two products have identical ingredient lists and nutrition facts, and, except for Tasty Swiss Rolls’ white cardboard base, also look and taste the same — that is, like poor-quality, milk-chocolate-coated sugar wraps. It’s as if Krier was wrong and Flowers had already imposed new, inferior Mrs. Freshley’s standards.

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With its white, squiggle-decorated top and plastic holster, Mrs. Freshley’s Chocolate Cupcake clearly aims to imitate Hostess’ style, but fails to meet even that low standard. Heavy and blandly sugary I can deal with, but not this cake’s bitter chemical aftertaste. Tasty’s cupcakes are smaller, but the cake’s fine crumb and taste resembles homemade, and the milk-chocolate icing is actually fudgy. Tasty’s creamless Chocolate Cupcake actually sells better, but Mrs. Freshley’s has no equivalent. Nor does Mrs. Freshley’s offer anything like Tasty’s best-selling, signature Krimpets and Kandy Kake discs, which is why they weren’t part of this taste test. This could be a good thing for Tasty fans, at least according to St. Joe’s prof Latella. “There could be some convergence [of recipes] when it comes to crossover commodity products, like doughnuts and honey buns,� he says. “But I’d be very surprised if they touched the pies, Kandy Kakes or cupcakes.� I hope he’s right. Still, I’ve already begun stockpiling Chocolate Kandy Kakes and Tasty chocolate Mini Donuts in my freezer, Mrs. Freshley’s shipping-style, just in case. (cwyman@citypaper.net)

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With this coupon

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[ i love you, i hate you ] A SEASON OF JOY Thanks for the text letting me know you’re getting married to someone you met in January. It’s April now and the wedding is in June so clearly she must be knocked up, so congrats. When we broke up in December you said you didn’t want to be tied down to anyone at all so maybe you don’t understand what getting married means. Also thanks for the years you spent telling me you “never want to get married.” Guess what, you’re bald, pushing 40, and a drunk. I wish you a season of joy and an amicable divorce.

to steal something! The stuff in your store is high in price but it is not worth stealing! How about going after the people that actually are stealing. You look at them then look at me then go after me! People wonder why other buy stuff online, this is exactly why, because of people like you! I think you are an asshole and if I see you during the week. I am going to ask you what your problem is because I am actually tired of you! I visit your store enough times for you to know that I have money and obviously I am spending it if I am in the damn store! I would love to talk to your store manager! We would have a nice conversation about you! Trust me!

inside of my mind that I don’t want to be with you. I hope that you understand that we should be apart because it is better for the both of us to live. I love the fact that you always call when you need me and like a fool I give in! I am putting my foot down. I am tired find someone else to bother!

SEAT HOGS It’s 8 O’Clock in the morning. The subway and EL carts are like sardine cans and people are still trying to push themselves in so that they can get to work, school, wherever they are going. You’re the douchebag sitting in the aisle seat while the inner seat is

ALWAYS SOMETHING You are always complaining and to be honest I am tired of hearing it! Don’t you think that people get tired of hearing you complaining about things that you no control over! I am frankly tired of hearing your excuses about men and why you don’t have a husband! You aren’t married and you need to face the fact that you aren’t, a lot of women do their best to do what they need to do on their own and now you are just complaining about something that you have no control over! I am fucking sick of it! Get a fucking like or a better vibrator!

YOU KNOW & I KNOW You are acting really funny these days...I am not understanding it. You avoid me at some cost and I say to myself what the fuck is his problem. Seems like everytime a holiday comes around you act all funny and stay away from your family! Why is that... nobody cares if you are having an affair with a married woman. Nobody really cares about you at all to be honest. I hate your phony ways..I guess it is too late for you to change you are just one of those people who aren’t why do you think people think that you are a weirdo!

M A Y 1 2 - M A Y 1 8 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

FLOWER-HATER

42 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

Did people ever think that you would want to ride the bus or the train without hearing them talking shit the whole ride! I know that I am tired of it. It doesn’t make any sense, you sit there and talk about your boyfriend, your religion and other people. Can’t we just have a nice ride and not complain about stuff that we have no control over! I am just wondering about you sometimes, I guess it has been a good thing that I haven’t been running into you! I guess things happen for a reason and I will not complain, I will just do with the flow. Thanks again for my smooth ride!

You see me walking to get to the next area of the fucking train, are you that scared of me to step to the side and say go-ahead then look at me all scared and shit like I was going to do something to you! Then watch me to see where I was going to do, you dumb bitch! I am a working class female, that supports herself on a job. Who the fuck do your bald headed ass think that you are! I am not understanding what goes through some people’s heads anymore! I hope I don’t see your ass again! Dumb ass bitch!

At 5:40pm in Center City when I got on the 57 bus on May 7th I noticed how many asshole men there are in the world. Is there such a thing as chivalry anymore? I should know the answer but I never seen such rude men before in my life. A lot of you were sitting alone with the window seat free and yet still not one of you offer a seat to a lady being bumped around? Wow are you all orphans because I know none of you were ever taught about manners by your mother or maybe she just didn’t love you enough. I’m not sure what’s up with men anymore but all I have to say is I hope you all die alone because if you lazy asses can’t move over one seat to let a girl sit down then you definitely don’t deserve companionship or know how to be a man!

I am so sorry that flowers offend you so. You should thank your lucky stars that two fine-ass gay men live above you and your sordid skylight; two men who—BELIEVE IT OR NOT!—have no interest in seeing your cellulite skank-bags, your ugly face, or any other part of your empty, dark self. I sincerely hope that life gives you something more meaningful to complain about the next time you feel like shitting on someone’s little zen garden on his birthday. Have a nice life, you pathetic fucking cunt without a soul.

YOUR SO BUSY

FUNKY FEET

MY ADORABLE LOBSTER

I just happened to glance down at the floor the other morning and I saw your nasty feet sticking out from under your sandals! One thing that I want to know is do you ever wash your feet? Your feet look digusting and then you have the nerve to look around at everyone on the bus like you are miss it! You aren’t shit! You look a mess and if a man really wanted you he would say to you that your feet really need some work! Get your feet done it only cost $25, and they take coins!

You are so succulent with your beautiful blue stalks, no matter how Pinchy I want us to be the oldest crustaceans in the lobster tank! Until our exoskeletons are spotted and bubbled and furry with lichenous symbiotes. So that when our time comes, they have to take us out and set us free on principle, to roam the oceans’ deepest currents together in peace. Ten years? But a blink of your pretty eyes! I may not understand what threw us in here but it feels intended and I’ll bet anything it’s smiling smugly & satisfied as we are. As I am. With you. I love you, Pinchy!

This shit goes to the guy in the fucking liberty place! Who the fuck do you think that you are! I don’t like your attitude and you approach me like I am going

SMOOTH RIDE

STUPID LADY!

ASSHOLES ON THE 57

GUY IN STORE

and nasty please pull your pants up because nobody wants to see the top of your stankin,-ass thong or worse yet, the top of your sweaty buttcrack if aren’t wearing a thong. And last,if you got some ugly bear paws or some eagle talons or just some nasty hammer times with yellow,dirty toenails PLEASE leave the flip-flops at home. I’m pretty sure that I speak for all men when I say “We don’t want to see that shit,so put some shade on it!”

REALISTIC I am definitely trying to think realistically because I know that you want to be with me. I am saying

empty. MOVE THE FUCK IN ALREADY! You fuckface, let others sit! Help reduce the bottleneck by the door! And to those of you who think you’re so fucking tired because you’re the only adult with a job in the world, and that you need to sleep slouched on both seats, GO FUCK YOURSELVES. You are selfish, ignorant brats, and yo’ mama never smacked you hard enough. For shame. Have a little courtesy, move the fuck over, and make it a better place for all of us.

SHADE ON THAT SHIT! As we all know,summer is hear and the hotter it gets the less clothes women start to wear. But for the love of God,if it doesn’t look good,please don’t show it! Please keep the stretch marks,excess hanging skin and muffin-tops covered. And also if your ass is fat

Your life must be insane if you can’t even find 20 seconds to respond to a text message, I can’t even imagine being that busy. I understand that you’re an attorney and that automatically makes you more important than the rest of us, but how many times are you going to use that as an excuse? Guess what jerkstore, the rest of us work long days, evenings, and extra hours and still manage to have manners. Go figure. Here’s an idea, if you’re SO BUSY maybe you shouldn’t be dating and trying to meet people. The self-important act really gets old fast and might be contributing to the fact you are single, or maybe the problem is you are incapable of returning a phone call. Have a great birthday this weekend, I hope it’s a blast sitting at home with your mom and your cat. To place your FREE ad (100 word limit), go to citypaper.net/ILUIHU and follow the prompts. ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

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UNIQUE ADOPTIONS. Let us help! Personalized Adoption Plans. Financial assistance, housing relocation and more. Giving the gift of life? You deserve the best. Call us first! 1-888-637-8200 24-hours hotline. PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION?

Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions 866-413-6293.

Public Notices COLLECTIBLES/WANTED

CASH BUYER, Pre-1980

Carpet, Tile and Upholstery Cleaners Commercial • Residential

215-744-1582 All Products Non-Toxic • Pet & Kid Friendly Fully Insured

The Law Offices of Debra D. Rainey

The Compassionate Lawyer CRIMINAL LAW FAMILY LAW IMMIGRATION LAW EMPLOYMENT LAW GENERAL PRACTICE BUSINESS LAW

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Business Services

Health Services ORGANIC SOAPS & MORE

Get healthier look, feel better with organic personal hygiene products available at www.SalamandraNaturals.net. Enjoy!

ATTEND COLLEGE ONLINE

from Home. *Medical *Business *Paralegal *Computers *Criminal Justice. Job placement assistance. Computer available. Financial Aid if qualified. Call 888-220-3984 www. CenturaOnline.com. REGULAR MASSAGE THERAPY

Special Price! Call (215)-8734835. 1218 Chestnut St.

➤

jobs

Help Wanted AIRLINES ARE HIRING:

Train for high paying Aviation

BARRY FISHER ELECTRICIAN “LOWEST PRICES IN THE CITY�

•100 Amp Circuit Breaker •Ceiling Fan Installation •Outlets •House Wiring •AC/WD Lines •Home Inspection Repairs

www.BarryFisherElectrician.com (215) 927-0234 Licensed & Insured. Over 42 Yrs Exp! All Work Guaranteed. Immediate Service. Licensed #16493. PA-040852

William A. Torchia, Esquire ConCierge LegaL ServiCeS generaL PraCtiCe – eState & tax PLanning

1420 Walnut Street, Suite 1216 215-546-1950; watorchia@gmail.com Williamtorchiaesquire.vpweb.com

One Penn Center 1617 JFK Blvd., Suite 1010 Philadelphia PA, 19103

215-972-8700 www.DebraRaineyLaw.com /D/7:/0:3 =< W>V]\S /\R`]WR O\R 0ZOQY0S``g

Comic Books, Toys, Sports, ANYTHING. I travel to you and Buy EVERYTHING YOU have. Call Brian at 1-800-473-2407.

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CRIMINAL LAW PERSONAL INJURY EMPLOYMENT LAW Call Attorney

VO^^g V]c`a a[O`b^V]\S O^^ P`]cUVb b] g]c Pg

Derek Steenson 877- 466- 3937

407 S. 10th St. Philadelphia, PA 19107

FREE CONSULTATION

To advertise, call Chris at 215-825-2486.

STOP

BILL COLLECTORS FROM CALLING & HARASSING YOU & RECEIVE UP TO $1,000. NO ATTORNEY’S FEES/COST TO YOU. BW Consumer Lawyers Attorneys Blitshtein & Weiss

215-364-4900 Offices in Philadelphia and Southampton. Serving Philadelphia, Bucks, Montgomery, Chester and Delaware Counties.

Help Wanted

“Can You Dig It?� Heavy Equipment School. 3wk. training program. Backhoes, Bulldozers, Trackhoes. Local job placement asst. Start digging dirt Now! 866-362-6497. Help Wanted

Drivers-No Experience-No Problem. 100% Paid CDL Training. Immediate Benefits. 20/10 program. Trainers Earn up to $.49 per mile! CRST VAN EXPEDITED 800-326-2778 www.JoinCRST.com. International Cultural Exchange Representative: Earn supplemental income placing and supervising high school exchange students. Volunteer host families also needed. Promote world peace! 1-866-GOAFICE or www.afice.org.

REAL ESTATE APPRAISERS: Certified w/minimum 5 yrs. experience & ACI knowledge to cover Easter, PA. Fax resume: 800-675-9392 Or Call 800-477-5187. $$$ Help Wanted $$$

Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-4057619 Ext. 2450 http://www. easywork-greatpay.com. Help Wanted driver

DIESEL/TRUCK MECHANICS-A Duie Pyle is growing! Seeking Experienced Mechanics for Wilkes Barre, York. & West Chester, PA & Allentown, PA. Excellent benefits w/low cost to employee. www.aduiepyle.com Charity: 610-350-0419. Help Wanted driver

Driver-Experienced OTR Drivers. Up to $4000 BONUS. $3500 Sign-on CASH and $500 LAPTOP or GPS. Up to $.50 Per Mile. Regional

Lanes/Home Weekly 888-4633962. 6 Mo. OTR Exp. & Current CDL www.usatuck.jobs. eoe m/f/h/v Help Wanted driver

Save up to $.32/gal using our Fuel Discount Network! Looking for Small Fleet Owners or Owner Operators. Earn $2.00/ mi! 866-970-2778. Help Wanted driver

TRUCK DRIVERS WANTED! 2011 PAY RAISE! UP TO $.52 PER MILE! HOME WEEKENDS! EXCELLENT BENEFITS! NEW EQUIPMENT! HEARTLAND EXPRESS 1-800-441-4953 www.heartlandexpress.com Help Wanted driver

TWO CENT PAY RAISE NOW OFFERED FOR NEW DRIVERS! Plus 2 say orientation., high miles excellent equipment, dry van and flatbed! $500 Signon Bonus for Flatbed. CDL-A, 6mo. OTR. 888-801-5295. paid in advance!

Make $1,000 a Week mailing

brochures from home! Guaranteed Income! FREE Supplies! No experience required. Start Immediately! www.homemailerprogram.net

Amenities, hard wood floors/ new carpet. Yard; parking. No pets. $1150+. Call 610-357-6875.

Social Work

15th/ Spruce: Terrific Studio in Art Deco Hi-rise, Great location! Desk Attendant, HW Flrs, Onsite Laundry, Decorative Moldings, Wonderful City Views. $990/Mo. Avail July. 215-7358030 Lic #219789

Bilingual (English/Spanish) D/A Counselor needed. Must meet PA Dept. of Health credentialing requirements. FT, great benefit package! Send resume to jobs@jevs. org use “DA� in subject line or fax resume to (215)-2554791. EOE

➤

rentals

apartments for rent

real eState For rent

real eState For rent

15th/ Spruce: Beautiful Art Deco High-rise 1Bdrm Apt, Attendant, HW Flrs, Updated Kitchen, Onsite laundry Intercom Entry, Amazing Location! From $1120/Mo. 215-735-8030

BEAUTIFULLY RENOVATED 2BDM 1 BATH, NEWWALLTO WALL FRESH PAINT MODERN KITCHEN, BASEMENT, SMALLYARD. $875 MONTH + UTILITIES. AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY. 215-498-2383. a 836 Mercer St. (FiSHtoWn)

BEAUTIFUL, MODERN 3 BEDROOM, ROW-HOME, N E W LY R E M O D E L E D . BACKYARD, BASEMENT, AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY. $1000 A MONTH + UTILITIES CLOSE TO CENTER CITY & OLD CITY. 215-498-2383.

roommates

real eState For rent

9th/ Pine: Charming Studio in Brownstone, High Ceilings, HW flrs, Separate Kitch, Intercom Entry, Onsite laundry. $695/ Mo. Avail Mid June. 215-735-8030 lIc #216245

homes

nortHern libertieS

2 bdrm; 2 Bath. Bi-level. All

toWn location)

1813 tUlip Street (FiSH-

all areaS-rooMateS. coM

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http:// www.Roommates.com. rooM For rent

Room For Rent W/TV, W/D,

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Vacation/ Seasonal rental vacation rentalS

NORTH WILWOOD, NJ-FLORENTINE FAMILY MOTEL Beach/Boardwalk Block, Heated Pools, Efficinecy/ Motel units refrigerator, elevator. Color Brochure/Specials 609522-4075 DEPT. 104 www. florentinemotel.com. vacation rentalS

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily. Holiday Real Estate. 1-800638-2102 Online reservations: www.holidayoc.com.

real estate Marketplace biG beaUtiFUl aZ land

$99/mo. $0 down, $0 interest,

Golf Course, Nat’l Parks. 1 hour from Tucson Int’l Airport. Guaranteed Financing. No Credit Checks. Pre-recorded msg. 800-631-8164 code 4057 www.sunsiteslandrunsh. com.

real estate

➤

homes for Sale HoMeS For Sale

Active Adult Community (55 plus) in Beautiful, Historic Smyr na, Delaware. New Single Home Development near beaches and bay areas. Purchase prices from $99,900. Call 302-659-5800. Visit www. bonayrehomes.com.

classifieds

Help Wanted

Help Wanted

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

Maintenance Career. FAA approved program. Financial aid if qualified-Housing available. CALL Aviation Institute of Maintenance (888) 834-9715.

Wayne’s World

A BETTER WAY TO MOVE

Licensed Massage Therapist

@B/<E<;2 A?2.A:2;A ARS will get you the help you need‌now.

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DREW

24 Hr. 215-669-3415

Piano Specialist! Great Rates! LAST MINUTE JOBS ALWAYS AVAILABLE

gently moving your earthly possessions

215.670.9535

www.mambomovers.com

Center City Office NOW OPEN! Two Penn Center, Suite 200 Philadelphia

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•Center City location •Private, clean, upscale studio •Therapeutic, deep tissue, and sports massage •Ten years experience

Accessible Recovery Services

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lulueightball

51

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merchandise market

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52 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

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1, 2, 3, 4 Bedroom FURNISHED APTS LAUNDRY - PARKING 215-223-7000

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apartment marketplace

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

Become a LICENSED INSURANCE AGENT Free Licensing! If you have been part of a downsizing, are currently seeking new opportunities, or are a recent graduate we have immediate openings.

Send in your resume to schedule your interview today! $11/hr to start in Blue Bell & Hatboro We will provide 3-days of free training and cover the cost of licensing exam!

54 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

M a y 1 2 - M a y 1 8 , 2 0 1 1 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

Start your new career today!

Email your resume to:

kdavie@peopleshareworks.com Call:

610-397-2360

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billboard [ C I T Y PA P E R ]

M AY 1 2 - M AY 1 8 , 2 0 1 1 CALL 215-735-8444

SPRING TUNE UP SPECIAL $35 plus tax VOLPE CYCLES 115 S. 22nd Street 8am-9pm Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm Sat-Sun May not be combined with other offers. Visit www.volpecycles.com for details.

ALL NUDE UPSCALE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB

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1075 Albany Ave. A.C. Nj 609-340-0252 www.atlanticcityallure.com

Building Blocks to Total Fitness 12 Years of experience. Offering personal fitness training, nutrition counseling, and flexibility training. Specialize in osteoporosis, injuries, special needs. In home or at 12th Street Gym. Infokol@aol.com

SCHOOL OF ROCK FREE TRIAL LESSON! 267-639-4007 I BUY RECORDS, CD’S, DVD’S

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TOP PRICES PAID. No collection too small or large! We buy everything! Call Jon at 215-805-8001 or e-mail dingo15@hotmail.com

DANCERS WANTED

Flexible hours, will train, no experience necessary, excellent pay, safe/secure environment. Call (609) 707-6075

½ PRICED DRAFTS WEEKDAYS 5-7PM

17 Rotating Drafts Close to 200 Bottles

www.devilsdenphilly.com www.facebook.com/devilsdenphilly www.twitter.com/devilsdenphilly

SILK CITY

DINER • LOUNGE THIS WEEKEND 5.13 - 5.15.11 FRIDAY:

PEX VS PLAYLOOP LEE MAYJAHS? & DJ EVERYDAY SATURDAY:

DJ DEEJAY SUNDAY:

THE EL BAR

Open every day 4pm - 2am Sat & Sun Brunch 10am - 4pm 5th & Spring Garden www.silkcityphilly.com

Quality Company. Quality Time. YOUR Location, 24:7 Cash & Credit Cards Accepted Call Now: 215-969-4759 edenlove.friendlynow.com Tues, May 17rd 8pm, No Cover SMILE New Record Party w/ Wil H & Steady Eddie and Friends -spinning, BLUES & RHYTHM, ROCK & ROLL, PSYCH, GARAGE, SURF & SOUL Drink Specials 8-11pm

HOOKAH BAR/RESTAURANT HIDDEN CAFE 328 SOUTH STREET (215) 413-2486

[ Items priced from $2 – $6 ea. ]

tavern17restaurant.com

can help you make decisions with more clarity, achieve your goals more quickly, and do so with less stress. Free half-hour consultation – 215 806 8319

SUNDAE NITE DJs LEE JONES & DIRTY

5-7pm nightly (215) 790-1799

Business coaching

Executives, Etc. Massage Services, Etc.

happy hour

220 South 17th Street

Cafe Kink: Maids of May!

Interactive Fetish Dinner-Theater Sunday, May 15th 8pm-midnite Maids n’ Butlers n’ Dommes, Oh My! @ Dobbs 304 South Street $10 adv tix $15@ door 21+ strict fetish dress code www.cafekink.com

$2 - CHEESEBURGER SLIDERS $3 - DRAFTS $4 - COCKTAIL $5 - WINE $6 - PEEL N’ EAT SHRIMP

GUEST DJ MARQUES WYATT

Private Yoga Sessions

Ideal for beginners looking for individual attention email for more information sascat3@gmail.com

MEET OR BEAT ANY PRICE

FRANKINSTIEN BIKE WORX 215-893-0415 1529 SPRUCE STREET BREAK AWAY FROM BOUTIQUE PRICES AND SERVICE!

$5Wine E7B6 1633A3 =@ 16=1=:/B3 2C@7<5 6/>>G 6=C@ #>; %>; 7 1/A6 =<:G 5:/AA =4 E7<3 A/;>:3 =4 1633A3 =@ 16=1=:/B3

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STUDY GUITAR W/ THE BEST All Styles All Levels. Former Berklee faculty member. Masters Degree with 25 yrs. teaching experience. 215.831.8640 www.davidjoel.net

RoadHouse Radio

Tune in Tuesdays 103.3 FM from 1-4pm www.WPRB.com

CORSETS & CLUBWEAR

12 designers - 200+ steel boned corsets in stock size S-8XL Men’s leather - kilts - costumes PASSIONAL Boutique 704 S. 5th St. Noon-10PM 7 days www.passionalboutique.com The Waitstaff Sketch Comedy Troupe Present

The Return of The Real Housewives of South Philly

1 Night only at Helium Comedy Club June 1st at 8pm - tickets are $15 www.thewaitstaff.com

You’re Not A Tech Head....

but you’d like to make life easier with the help of technology. Don’t know where to start? Whether you own a small business, or just need some advice for home, Guidewire can help. Let Guidewire assist you in finding the perfect technology oriented solution you need today. wayne@guidewireservices.com

R&B Fridays at the New Palladium Live R&B Bands:

5/13: Expressions of Soul 5/27: The Temptations Review Featuring Dennis Edwards R&B Acts looking for bookings call now: 215-222-7127

RECLAIMED TIMBER BENCHES ON STEEL LEGS Designed by local architect. Hand made with an elegant emphasis on detail to connections & materiality. Great for dining rooms, kitchens, the foot of the bed or your garden. For inquires & literature, call 215.923.1115

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