Philadelphia City Paper, August 25th, 2011

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30 YEARS OF INDEPENDENT JOURNALISM

Aug. 25 - Aug. 31, 2011 #1369 |

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NEWS | Ackerman overboard

ARTS | Butch slap MUSIC | Faux Slang gets real FOOD | Craw space

SCENES FROM THE FRACTURED 9/11 ACTIVIST MOVEMENT.

BY PATRICK RAPA

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the naked city

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We made this

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contents Ain’t it the truther

Naked City ...................................................................................6 Cover Story ..............................................................................12 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................20 The Agenda ..............................................................................34 Food & Drink ...........................................................................41

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COVER ILLUSTRATION BY ALYSSA GRENNING DESIGN BY RESECA PESKIN

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Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Isaiah Thompson Associate Editor and Web Editor Drew Lazor Arts & Movies Editor/Copy Chief Carolyn Huckabay Associate Editor Josh Middleton Staff Writer Daniel Denvir Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Anthony Campisi, Mark Cofta, Felicia D’Ambrosio, Jesse Delaney, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Cindy Fuchs, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Robin Rice, Lee Stabert, Andrew Thompson, Tom Tomorrow, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Bruce Walsh, Julia West Editorial Interns Megan Augustin, Matt Cantor, Ryan Carey, Jessica Leung, Esther Martin, Martin Martinez, Cassie Owens, Nicole Rossi, Christopher Seybert, Brian Wilensky Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Editorial Designer Alyssa Grenning Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Designer Alicia Solsman Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Jonathan Bartlett, Ryan Casey Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Accounts Receivable Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Advertising Director Eileen Pursley (ext. 257) Senior Account Managers Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260) Kevin Gallagher (ext. 250), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Chris Scartelli (ext. 215), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Business Development Manager Nicholas Forte (ext. 237) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel

the naked city

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the naked city

naked

the thebellcurve

city

CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 2] Embattled Schools Superintendent Arlene

Ackerman takes a $905,000 buyout and quits. While it’s possible neither pencils nor books will trouble Ackerman any longer, she is likely to suffer teachers’ dirty looks for some time to come.

[ + 4] Four players from the Philadelphia Flyers

film cameos for a new Judd Apatow movie in L.A. Which is weird because Bridesmaids already came out.

[ + 3] A 12,000-pound paintbrush created by

Clothespin sculptor Claes Oldenburg is installed on Broad Street. “My secret,” explains the artist, “is to make big, giant versions of small things. Like maybe I’ll take a normal-size pen like this and I’ll make one exactly the same, but really, really big.

Or see this normal penny? I’m suddenly picturing a huge penny.”

[ + 1 ] The Pennsylvania Turnpike Commission

approves a 10 percent toll increase for drivers without E-ZPasses. “And we’ll knock off another buck if you let us implant an RFID chip in your spine.”

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[ + 4 ] Anonymous donors contributed $405,000

EVAN M. LOPEZ

[ not going, not going, gone ]

to help pay for Ackerman’s severance pay.

Bell Curve would like you to think about that, Arlene. People, like, passed a hat and raised half a million bucks to get rid of you. I mean, you must have been terrible, right?

THE LONG GOODBYE

[0]

City Council hopeful David Oh apologizes to U.S. Army Special Forces for claiming to be a Green Beret in campaigns since 2003. “It was an honest mistake,” says Oh.“I thought I was a blue yarmulke for like a year.”

“

[ 3]

Starting this fall, Temple Hospital doctors will use new robotic instruments to perform heart surgery without opening the patient’s chest. “I WILL CLIMB UP YOUR PEE HOLE,” says SURGERYBOT 4000. “YOU WILL BE AWAKE THE WHOLE TIME.”

[ - 1]

Philly experiences the effects of a moderate earthquake. Stu Bykofsky blames bikes. Dom Giordano blames Obamacare.

Milton Street blames Mayor Nutter. Mayor Nutter blames black kids. Ed Rendell blames Republicans. Tom Corbett blames Democrats.Western PA blames Philadelphia.

Isaiah Thompson blames fracking. And everyone else blames Arlene Ackerman.

+

This week’s total: 16 | Last week’s total: -7

How the cult of Arlene Ackerman created months of sham news. By Isaiah Thompson

P

lease, Dr. Ackerman, don’t go.”

“Not going.”

Such was the exchange between parent and schools activist Emmanuel Bussie and Schools Superintendent Arlene Ackerman during a special meeting of the School Reform Commission at the end of June. It was just one of a slew of emotionally charged public spectacles involving the now-leaving Ackerman over the past year, and especially over the summer.

And like many of those spectacles, it seems to have been at least partly a façade: Bussie’s plea was, no doubt, heartfelt, but Ackerman’s response, it now looks, was less than forthcoming.

In fact, as Mayor Michael Nutter revealed in a press conference Monday, following Ackerman’s announced departure, negotiations over what would wind up being a nearly $1 million buyout of Ackerman’s contract had been under way “since June.”

In saying “not going,” Ackerman now appears to have left out the “quite yet.”

For those in the know, the news of Ackerman’s departure was no earth-shattering revelation. For those in the know, it was all but given that when schools reopened (about a week from now), Ackerman would not be at the helm. But it was all off the record — which meant that in news reports and public statements, no

such understanding existed.

And so we’ve lived in two worlds for the past few months: a (real) world, in which Ackerman and various public officials have been meeting behind closed doors to negotiate the price of her departure; and a (fake) world in which none of that was true — in which Ackerman enjoyed the support of School District officials and in which her repeated assurances to parent supporters that she, along with her promises of bettering the worst-performing and poorest schools, weren’t going anywhere meant something.

It was the second, fake world that played out on the public stage — but also played with the public’s emotions. Even as she prepared to leave, the rhetoric around Ackerman became more polarized than ever. In private, a negotiation was being hammered out. In public, some kind of battle was supposedly raging: Ackerman was under fire, and needed support.

The idea of Ackerman as a martyr had begun to gain steam first when she got criticized for her handling of violence against Asian students at South Philly High (reminder: She blamed the violence on an Asian student who was himself attacked and then suspended, then refused to meet with protesting students, then commissioned an expensive report that absolved school and District officials), and then increased amid scandal over her interference in a no-bid contract, as well as her presenting the School Reform Commission (SRC) with a $600 million-odd budget shortfall. This

In public, some kind of battle was supposedly raging.

>>> continued on page 9

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[ a million stories ]

✚ CELL BLOCKS What wasn’t up for debate during the recent budget crisis: $600 million for new prisons. The state is spending $400 million to construct two new prisons at the SCI-Graterford site in Montgomery County after slashing nearly $1 billion in public-education funding.

The capital-projects funds are in addition to the $1.8 billion corrections budget. And there’s a new $200 million, 2,000-inmate prison under construction in Centre County.

“We had been experiencing an increase in our inmate population,” explains Department of Corrections press secretary Susan McNaughton.

Last week, a new coalition called DecarceratePA staged a protest outside the Philadelphia office of Hill International Inc., a global construction management firm overseeing the project at Graterford.

“Our message is that now is the time to rebuild communities rather than build prisons,” says DecarceratePA’s Dan Berger.

Philly, unlike the state, has made progress. District Attorney Seth Williams has stopped imprisoning most people arrested for pot possession. According to a recent Pew study, the city’s prison population quadrupled between 1980 and 2008 — and then decreased by 11 percent in 2010.

—Daniel Denvir

says it’s a smart safety precaution; activists call it racist.

Pedestrians called it all kinds of things, responding to the 50-odd people chanting, “Fight for teen jobs, not flash mobs” and “Who runs South Street? Not the police.”

A black woman explained to a mixed-race group of friends: “They say [the curfew is] an attack on black people. But it’s not. It’s just that the kids attacking people happen to be black.”

A young black man argued the protesters’ point to his family: “They need more schools, more activities. They probably wouldn’t be out here causing trouble.”

An elderly black woman to her family: “Um, let’s get back to the car, please.”

A small white woman, passing out fliers: “Stop the attack on the African community. Stop the curfew.”

A twentysomething black man, talking to friends and laughing: “I’ve seen the flash mobs on the news, and they’re African and American. And this white lady rolls up,‘Stop the attack on Africans’? It’s like, I am an American.”

Policeman talking to other officers: “Who runs South Street, not the police? I’ll tell you what. Get robbed and don’t call me.”

Coffee shop employee on phone: “The protest turned out to be the opposite of what we all thought it would be. A bunch of white people.

We had thought about closing, just in case.”

—Daniel Denvir

✚ MINDING THE CURFEW South Street is a place to see and be seen, unless, thanks to Mayor Michael Nutter’s new curfew, you are a juvenile and it’s after 9 p.m. Last Saturday night, a diverse crowd of adults organized by black radical groups took to the street to challenge the curfew implemented in the wake of multiple youth attacks in Center City. Nutter

✚ CORRECTION In last week’s story about redistricting [A Million Stories, “Scenes from Redistricting,” Isaiah Thompson, Aug. 18, 2011], we incorrectly referred to Jordan Gwendolyn Davis as “he.” We apologize for the mistake.

ALAN BARR FLICKR: ABARR

By Isaiah Thompson

MIXMASTER MIKE ³ THIS WEEK IN Man Overboard!: schools, casi-

nos, taxes, flash mobs, and — ohahaoahaoah — EARTHQUAKE! We just had an earthquake. An earthquake, I say, which has left the mind of Man Overboard! feeling as loose and liquid as the floor beneath him did just moments ago. Forget the above-mentioned: Our time on this shaky planet is limited, and I have something to say, dammit!

An Open Letter to Mayor Michael Nutter: Dear Mr. Mayor, I write regarding your performance this past weekend of “Rapper’s Delight” — the 1979 single by hip-hop trio The Sugarhill Gang, the first big commercial rap hit and widely regarded as a landmark in the history of rap music — at a celebration of Philadelphia rapper Lady B at the Dell Music Center. It was, as you know, only the most recent of several such performances you’ve given — all of that same song, a pattern that goes back at least as far as your inauguration.

I understand why you may feel the need to re-perform this undeniably appealing piece. It’s energetic, jovial, positive but not preachy. It contains no swearing, no violent imagery, no controversy. Its theme is the act of rapping itself, pure as the driven snow.

In a time when the unenlightened seek to blame such complex urban problems as flash mobs on a genre of music, you, a mayor whose very candidacy depended upon an even-keeled sensibility that trumped racial politics, must play it safe. Fine.

But why perform at all? Why, unless “MixMaster Mike,” — the Michael Nutter, that is, who spun records at Impulse Disco — is still alive and kicking inside that (admittedly, necessary) political shell?

Surely, there is a compromise; surely, somehow, there is a greater repertoire to be explored.

It won’t be easy. Material that safe is scant. But I’m not asking for The Chronic here, Mr. Mayor.

Maybe some Kurtis Blow (“The Breaks”?). Or Young MC (“Bust A Move”?). A little Run-D.M.C. (“Christmas in Hollis”) for the holidays? We know you’ve got more to offer.

Mayor Nutter might hesitate — but “MixMaster Mike” wouldn’t. Sure, maybe ours is a city that simply won’t allow anything at all to be rapped by the mayor other than “Rapper’s Delight.” But today, all of Philadelphia was shaken from below. Who knows: Maybe it loosened things up.

Yours, Man Overboard! ✚ Isaiah Thompson contains no violent imagery. Write him

at isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net.

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[ was shaken from below ]

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<<< continued from page 6

“No more messiahs,” is how Gym puts it.

feedback From our readers

WEIGHT AND SEE Several citypaper.net commenters made observations about our coverage of Amber Lynn Thompson’s art project about body image, obesity and gastric bypass surgery [“Worth the Weight,” Meg Augustin,Aug. 18]. Deah Schwartz wrote:“One thing that concerns me about this review of Thompson’s artwork is [that] in referring to her as a feline with nine lives, you are reinforcing the myth that weight loss results in leaving one’s old self behind and the person gets to start anew. … The truth is that people who have lost weight are frequently surprised to find how much of their old selves, habits, needs, longings and dissatisfaction come with them.”

MONEY TROUBLES Not surprisingly, our cover story about the network of pro-life centers funded by state taxpayer money [“Cash and Carry,” Holly Otterbein, Aug. 18] prompted feedback. Commenter greenie wrote, “It’s about time that these centers were exposed for what they really are. They do not provide the truth to these women, and they do it with my dollars. Enough!” This caused Tuddy to respond: “Why? I guess it’s for the same reason that my tax dollars fund Planned Parenthood, only PP gets many orders of magnitude more than this outfit.”

JuneB noted, “Funding family planning programs does so much more toward preventing abortions than harassing scared women.”

STAYING POWER The comments on the story about up-and-coming hip-hopper Meek Mill [“Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,” A.D. Amorosi, Aug. 11] included this exchange (complete with pun): Rjtrock: “He’ll be forgotten in five or six years.”

Jutt: “Haters. He’ll be around for a while. I don’t think he’s run of the Mill,and definitely not a radio rapper. Read the article. He’s legit.”

Rjtrock: “Eh well, I never heard of him until now.

Who’s hatin’? Good for him.”

WE ALL SCREAM FOR …

When we asked on our Meal Ticket blog to dream up the local equivalent of a Maine-inspired ice cream flavor [“Maine has Lobster Tracks ice cream.

What kind of ‘Tracks’ should Philly have?,” Adam Erace, Aug. 17], the suggestions came rolling in.

Scrapple Tracks! Eagle Tracks! Commenter smellody offered “Phanatic Tracks — pistachio nuts with strawberry ice cream.” But Erace’s own ideas were pretty good, particularly Arlene Ackerman Tracks.

That would be an ice cream flavor that’s headed out the door with a lot of green in it. ✚ We welcome and encourage your feedback. Mail letters to Feedback, City Paper, 123 Chestnut St., 3rd Floor, Phila., PA 19106. E-mail editorial@citypaper.net or comment online at citypaper.net. Submissions may be edited for clarity and space.

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able. It’s a ridiculous concept.”

She’s not the only one saying that. Sylvia P. Simms, a member of the group Parent Power — an organization that often appeared in the media as the staunchest of Ackerman allies — feels much the same way.

“I’m always called a supporter [of Ackerman],” Simms told City Paper. “The way I saw it, she was the superintendent. As a parent, you try to build relationships,” adding of her protests on behalf of Ackerman, “I may have done it differently now; I’m more aware of the power tricks.”

“I don’t think Dr. Ackerman came to blow up the schools, or Paul Vallas [did],” Simms says.

“I think they came to make the schools better. [But] to be honest, I think we get these ‘big people,’ who are so removed from where they are. … We need somebody who’s down on the ground and really wants to make change.” (isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net)

[ the naked city ]

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month, when the SRC announced further cuts to the already-gutted school budget, Ackerman supporters heckled commission members from their seats. One, according to the Inquirer, suggested in her testimony that Ackerman had been “sent by God.” Emmanuel Bussie (the same person whom Ackerman had assured she would not leave in June) compared her defiance to that of Rosa Parks. Ackerman hardly shied away from such praise, addressing the attendees of the Superintendent’s 2011 Leadership Conference just last week by quoting a Maya Angelou poem: “You may shoot me with your words; You may cut me with your eyes; You may kill me with your hatefulness; But still, like air, I” — here she pointed a finger to herself — “I rise.”

That was four days before the announcement that she had agreed to accept $500,000 in public funds and $405,000 in private donations to walk away. Even after the Inquirer reported, a few days prior, that negotiations were under way, Ackerman stated: “We have no negotiations going on right now.”

Nor did other officials let the public in on the secret — not during daylong hearings on the District’s $3 billion budget; not while City Council contemplated raising taxes; not while the mayor presented as a great victory in transparency a memorandum of understanding of how money would be spent with the district.

That budget, of course, will now be overseen by someone else.

True, the silence was due in part to the necessity of bargaining: “This to me was not anything unusual,” says Jerry Jordan of the Philadelphia Federation of Teachers. “My experience has always been that when there are negotiations taking place, they’re done quietly.”

But it’s also true that Ackerman is a political lightening rod — and likely it’s no coincidence that school budget hearings were delayed until after the primary elections were over. What’s more, now that the secret’s out, the plan is revealed and the curtain drawn back, no public official has dared give an explanation.

SRC officials continue to praise Ackerman’s accomplishments; some Ackerman supporters — state Sen. Anthony Williams, rumored to be considering a run for mayor, for one — have blamed the SRC for “marginalizing” Ackerman and characterize her departure as a failure by anyone but her. Nutter, even as he announced his efforts to raise money for her buyout, has declined to give explanation as to why he felt it the right thing to do. There’s no shortage of possible answers: Ackerman’s allowing an unheard-of budget gap; her failure to work positively with other public officials; the way she handled racial violence so poorly as to bring about the intervention by the U.S. Department of Justice’s civil rights division.

But none have been offered — all of which leaves a logical question in the mind of supporters: “She’s a winner,” Bussie declared to the Inquirer on Monday, “so why is she going?”

It’s a question that’s gone unanswered, but to which an answer may be necessary if Philadelphia is going to break the cycle of emotional mayhem over the superintendent position that it’s been in for years.

Former Superintendent Paul Vallas was similarly divisive and elicited similar platitudes and scorn.

“One of the biggest failures of the SRC and the mayor is they failed to act like public officials,” and explain their dissatisfaction, says schools activist and Parents United for Public Education founder Helen Gym. “And now you have this messiness. It poisons the waters. And it sets a low bar for the next superintendent. If we don’t know why [Ackerman] left, is there even a bar for the next superintendent?”

“No more messiahs,” is how Gym summarizes her recipe for change. “There’s this notion that changing schools requires a superintendent who can wave a magic wand ... who is untouch-

the naked city

✚ The Long Goodbye

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[ the naked city ]

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Wed-Sun 12 to 5

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SEPT 21 • 8PM

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the naked city feature

the stunt on his website for a month beforehand, his friend with a video camera was the only other activist to show up and support him. Police, park police and maybe even Secret Service did stop by at various times. He was eventually freed with bolt-cutters and arrested.

Gold is the kind of guy journalists like to call “a man without a country.” He believes his actual country has covered up the true nature of its biggest tragedy. And the people you’d think would be his people, the truthers, he wants nothing to do with.

One of the 260-plus videos Gold has uploaded onto his YouTube channel illustrates his feelings about most of his “fellow” activists. Circus music. A title card that says, “The following crap hurts the cause of 9/11 Justice.” Then a laundry list of the stuff that often gets his peers labeled as crackpots: missiles, holograms, CGI, mini-nukes, laser beams from space, chemtrails (more on those later), man-made earthquakes, UFOs, the Illuminati, the Jews, plane-swaps, hijackers who didn’t die, and about a dozen other things.

“It’s sad. There are people on the fringe, the authors, who constantly write books, who promote crappy information, and people who mean

ing the war. Some of that started to erode as he watched the news. He remembers CNN reporting Jan. 29, 2002, that President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney each separately asked Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle to limit the scope of the post-9/11 investigation. Says Gold: “And I thought, why would the vice president and the president, of all people, not want to know exactly how and why this happened so as to make sure it could never happen again?”

Then there was the infamous Aug. 6, 2001, President’s Daily Brief, eventually made public, titled “Bin Laden determined to strike in U.S.” “After that came out and I saw that we were being lied to, and then I saw how they were using the 9/11 attacks, I just — I was furious, and it was off to the races.”

He’s been at it for nearly a decade. “I’m very old-school 9/11 Truth, which means I support the families and I support the responders,” he says. That’s something you don’t hear in most truther rhetoric: mentions of the 2,977 who died, and their families, and the first responders, and their quest for health care. Gold helped fund the 2006 documentary 9/11: Press for Truth, in which the families of victims, like the

well pick up on this and they start pushing it.”

This is Gold, when he and I meet up for coffee near South Street. “There was a time back in 2006 when we were very, I don’t know if you would say powerful, but we had a lot of members and the media started to focus on us. But who did they focus on? They focused on people like Kevin Barrett, who [says] Israel’s responsible for everything, you know? They focused on Webster Tarpley [a promoter of the “9/11 was an inside job” idea], who’s just a charlatan. They focused on the fringe.”

Gold laughs when I ask whether he ever finds himself arguing with that fringe.

“All the time. I call them out as often as possible because I want there to be clear evidence that I am not associated with those people.”

After Sept. 11, Gold got swept up in the “patriotic binge” — waving the flag, support-

Jersey Girls, express their frustration in getting answers from the government about who knew what ahead of time, which warnings we ignored, and why more wasn’t done that day.

Gold also tends to cite mainstream sources, like FBI documents and news reports, on his website and at public appearances. He espouses no theory.

“I know more about 9/11 than probably most people on the planet, and I don’t know what happened that day, I don’t know who was ultimately responsible. But I look at 9/11 as a crime as opposed to an act of war, and as with every crime, there are suspects for that crime, and along with Osama bin Laden, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the 19 hijackers, elements within our government and other governments had more than earned the title of suspect for the crime. More than earned.”

>>> continued on page 14

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HE WAS EVENTUALLY FREED WITH BOLT-CUTTERS AND ARRESTED.

I’m on

the second floor of an unmarked building in Northern Liberties watching a cartoon about the evils of the Federal Reserve Bank. There are about 20 of us, maybe fewer, sitting on couches. The plot revolves around a cool dude telling his clueless friend about how the Fed — depicted as a monstrous, black tentacled beast — is a privately owned and utterly unregulated money-sucker. The movie’s kinda funny and mostly pretty straightforward. There’s a lot of Google-able stuff about the gold standard. But it does take a dubious detour to explain how JFK got assassinated not long after announcing his intentions to end the Fed. During the quieter parts, we can hear the jubilant outbursts of a yoga class through the walls.

Not 9/11-related, as far as I know. Why am I here? Well, this is a public meeting by a group currently called Truth, Freedom, Prosperity, but they used to call themselves Philly 9/11 Truth, and they still list that as one of their concerns, along with financial and economic freedom, alternative energy technologies, “legalization of nature,” etc.

After the movie, organizer Michael Salvi, a friendly guy in a mock-Phillies T-shirt (“Liberty” in the team’s script on the front, “Ron Paul” on the back), leads an open forum discussion. A couple people discredit the JFK thing, there’s talk about what the average person can do about the Fed, somebody asks if he should buy gold for “when the whole thing comes crashing down.”

Then a guy in the front row tilts the discussion to numerology, the occult and, I think, the Illuminati. He points out, for reasons I don’t pick up on, that Oswald, Osama and Oslo all begin with the same two letters. He adds 9 and 1 and 1 and comes up with 11, an important number in occult circles. People let him speak, but the conversation quickly returns to financial talk. Jon Gold

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■■■ would not enjoy a meeting like this.

Salvi says he shows films that will stimulate conversation, and he’s not endorsing their messages 100 percent. As for 9/11, it’s still something he and the group are concerned with, but it’s on the backburner to the economy discussions.

“Some of the theories are really sexy. George Bush had full knowledge. This person was told to do this. This country was involved. It’s all very exciting and enticing, but I just don’t know,” he says. “The one thing that I can get behind is that aliens with missiles … ” He’s joking.

The bottom line for him is that the official story sounds fishy. “I certainly don’t believe the stories that 19 guys were able to get four planes with box cutters and took it over with these red bandannas on and crashed the planes into these buildings and everything but their passports burned up. Including the black box.”

In the lobby outside the screening room, I score a DVD on legalizing marijuana and some fliers: Better Living Through Alchemy, How Mind Control Works, The War on Consciousness, and a bunch about ending the Fed. Somehow I fail to pick up the paper on Satanism.

Jon Gold and I are Facebook friends now, which means I’m only one degree of separation from well-known anti-war/anti-Bush activist Cindy Sheehan. She and Gold are real-life friends. They got arrested together at a protest in March of last year.

Gold’s always filling his Facebook wall with videos of congressional hearings, public statements, news reports, things like that. He posts a 2004 clip of Bush in the Rose Garden addressing the press after meeting with the 9/11 Commission. The point is to remind you that Bush and Cheney agreed to only meet with the commission together, in private, and not under oath.

“I’m glad I took the time,” Bush is shown saying. “This is an important commission, and it’s important that they ask the questions they ask so that they can help make recommendations necessary to better protect our homeland. It was — I enjoyed it.” Yes, Bush actually said he enjoyed it. It had been expected that the president would be grilled a little on why he didn’t react right away when the nation was under attack, and why no fighter jets were scrambled in time to intercept hijacked planes.

The president, however, characterized the

“THEY WANTED TO GO TO WAR. THEY DID GO TO WAR.” Knowing that people in the Truth movement are always getting dismissed as kooks, I ask Salvi about the fliers.

“It just kinda comes with the territory,” he says. He used to get nervous about bringing together such disparate opinions on touchy subjects, but he says things have never gotten too heated. The fliers are part of the group’s general air of open-mindedness.

“We have 700 members in our group. I’m less worried about offending the mass public by some perception. I’m more worried about offending the person who shows up at every meeting that we throw, at every event that we do, who’s been super supportive. And for me to turn around — and I may not know about what they do, and they’re super passionate — for me to just to tell them they can’t do it, it’s the exact opposite of freedom.”

meeting as a “cordial conversation.”

Gold points me to the link and asks what I think of it. I tell him it reminded me how frustrating it was living in the Bush era. The supposed leader of the free world came off daily like a bumbling fool who thinks he’s slick. Gold doesn’t exactly see it that way.

“People often say incompetence, but these individuals weren’t incompetent. They came in office, they wanted to go to war. They did go to war. They wanted to make billions for their corporate friends, they did that. They wanted to expand executive power, they did that. They committed so many crimes during their eight years [in] office and remained Teflon-coated throughout,” says Gold. “There was no accountability at all.”

The 9/11 Commission Report was supposed to do that, but several things remain problem-

atic, including its lack of reference to World Trade Center 7 (the third skyscraper to collapse that day) and apparent conflicts of interests on the board (including Bush’s national security strategist Philip Zelikow). That’s why so many people say they want a new investigation into 9/11. But does Gold think a fair shake is possible the next time around?

“It has to be away from the government. There has to be subpoena power, people have to be put under oath, which George Bush and Dick Cheney refused to do. I don’t know, maybe an international body of some kind. It can’t take place in D.C.” A few weeks ago, Gold had told me to stay tuned, that on Aug. 11, something “huge” was going to happen. That gave me pause.

Gold’s a gentle-giant type, built like a Mack truck but soft-spoken and calm. I briefly imagined him doing something dangerous, then dismissed it. He had been led from the White House fence to the police car like a diner whose table was ready.

The date came and I didn’t see anything on CNN, or MSNBC, or anywhere, but I didn’t really know what I was looking for, either.

Gold finally sends me a link to the Atlantic’s blog: “Richard Clarke, former White House counterterrorism czar, believes that former CIA director George Tenet and other top aides hid intelligence that could have prevented the 9/11 attacks.”

Eventually I see the story a few other places, but it doesn’t earn a “breaking news” banner or make a ripple in the general consciousness.

“Does this happen a lot? Something that seems pretty huge and newsworthy doesn’t get coverage in the media?” I ask him.

“Happens too often,” he says. “The media loves to focus on the fringe, forget the family members asking questions, and ignore everything except the theories.” >>> continued on page 16

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■■■ That’s why there’s really no such thing as a solitary, unified 9/11 Truth Movement. Just a fractured bunch of people with wild theories on one side, a quest for answers on the other side, and a thousand points in between. “Even the [phrase] 9/11 Truth is, like, toxic,” says Gold. “I refer to myself now as an advocate for 9/11 justice as opposed to a 9/11 truther.”

Not sure what reverse numerology SEPTA was using when it decided to rename its regional rail lines, but I eventually find my way to a small town on the Main Line one rainy night, for a screening by a group that meets

regularly to watch films about 9/11. On the way, I read Popular Mechanics’ 2005 article “Debunking the 9/11 Myths,” which I found online. Basically, the writers line up the dubious claims from conspiracy sites (mostly related to physics and engineering) and counter them with data and interviews. On the Pentagon’s tiny plane hole: “A crashing jet doesn’t punch a cartoon-like outline of itself into a reinforced concrete building.” It’s pretty convincing stuff.

The counterpoint is a group called Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth, whose site is loaded with documents about thermite, thermate, nano-thermite — chemicals that can melt

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“HOMELAND SECURITY IS RIGHT DOWN THE ROAD,” SHE SAYS.

steel and which they say were found at Ground Zero. That’s what I’m hoping to see at this screening: the nitty-gritty conspiracy science, diagrams of WTC7, evidence of explosives, that sort of thing.

Sadly, for me, this group has many interests. The night I’m there, the feature is What in the World Are They Spraying?, a documentary about chemtrails. Not 9/11-related. See those planes painting neat-looking stripes of clouds in the sky? Those are poisonous chemtrails, supposedly, created to either reduce the population or kill off all crops that don’t use Monsanto-patented seeds.

In the lobby after the movie, I pick up a short stack of DVDs (WTC Twin Towers: Explosive Evidence, 9/11 Blueprint for Truth, Zeitgeist: Moving Forward, Terrorstorm, Nine Years of War Based on a Lie and more), a pile of reading material and a slap bracelet made for a bygone rally.

I meet up with some members of the group at a nearby restaurant. I tell them I’m a reporter, and they’re cool with it, but they balk at being recorded. They don’t even want me naming the restaurant in this article, even though it’s mentioned online, because, as one woman says, “Homeland Security is right down the road.”

She gestures over her shoulder with her thumb. I look. I really don’t know the area.

So I scribble feverishly in my notebook as the conversation goes >>> continued on page 18

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IT PRODUCT SPECIALIST

• Triage technical support issues and facilitate repair, replacement, or other remedy.

• Provide general troubleshooting/technical support services (hands on, including system hardware/software installs/upgrades as needed), directing clients to University support services as appropriate.

• Communicate policies and procedures around purchasing eligibility, support options, and other benefits/restrictions associated with Penn's purchasing contracts.

• Provide operational support for the retail center including processing transactions, inbound/ outbound calls, inventory control and replenishment and visual merchandising.

• Provide product demonstrations that illustrate the features and functionality of equipment and products, especially as they pertain to differentiating among options.

• On a regular basis, be responsible for light accounting procedures and transaction reconciliation as well as handling procedures related to maintaining a safe and secure facility (key and alarm responsibility as well as cash-management and working with confidential personal data are important aspects of the job.

Qualifications

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An Associate’s Degree preferred; 3 years of experience or equivalent combination of education and experience. Previous retail experience with customer service responsibility preferred. Demonstrated interest in technology products a must. To apply for this position please submit an online application at Jobs@Penn: http://jobs.hr.upenn.edu/applicants/Central?quickFind=194189 or by searching www.hr.upenn.edu/jobs (Reference # 110831244).

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This position is responsible for providing information to support purchase decisions of technology related products to customers of the campus computer retail store, the Penn Computer Connection. The successful applicant will interface with faculty, staff, and students to assess their needs and make recommendations for hardware, software, peripherals and accessories.

Other key duties include:

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■■■ from chemtrails to the “Patriot Slavery Act” to the New World Order, mostly led by the charming lady with a book by her side called How Can I Share My Faith Without an Argument?

She has no doubt 9/11 was “an inside job,” and points to the “teeny tiny” hole in the Pentagon and laughs at the idea that a passenger jet like Flight 77 could’ve caused it. I consider whipping out the Popular Mechanics article, but the conversation moves on to MK Ultra mind control and, eventually, how the state of Pennsylvania is exploding old ammunition in the Ramapo fault line in an effort to trigger a major earthquake. She read about it on online.

She’s also a two-time Bush voter who now regrets it, and a birther.

It’s hard to tell how much everybody else at the table is on board with what she’s saying.

The guy directly across from me is interested in End the Fed-type stuff, so we talk about that for a while. He recommends I check out conspiracy radio host Alex Jones. I tell him about a YouTube video that compiles a couple years’ worth of Jones’ various predictions — nuclear disasters, wars, assassinations — and none of them seem to come true. The guy says Jones is basically showing his listeners the cards that might be played by those in power.

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“I COULD BE LYING,” HE SAYS, ENOUGH TIMES TO MAKE ME SUSPICIOUS.

Finally I catch the ear of a man we’ll call Mr. X, who may or may not be running the group. He’s sort of a truther guru. He points out how the FBI never actually charged Bin Laden with 9/11-related crimes. He talks about MI5 and MI6 and peer-reviewed papers by architects regarding the rate at which buildings fall during demolition. “Everything I’ve told you is the truth, but that doesn’t make it the truth,” he says. Also: “Authority isn’t truth. Truth is authority. See? Turned it around.”

Mr. X advises me not to believe anything I hear unless I do research, even if he’s the one saying it. “I could be lying to you,” he says, enough times to make me suspicious. “Everywhere around you is lies, Patrick. All around you.”

Jon Gold would probably call these people “the fringe.” They would probably say he’s blind to the big picture, or pretending to be, so as not to seem fringey. There would be no winner in an argument between the two sides. Is there room in any one political movement for such disparate factions?

My notebook full of sites to visit and books to look up, my head buzzing with self-perpetuating theories and unconfirmable factoids, I say goodbye and head out to the train station.

It’s suddenly nice out. No rain. Not a chemtrail in the sky. And that rumble underfoot isn’t a man-made earthquake, it’s my train. (pat@citypaper.net)

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icepack

By A.D. Amorosi

³ I’VE MENTIONED MY distaste for the ’90s in a hundred Icepacks and how I’ve recently come to grips with some of its niceties. While this does not include making up with Marah, drinking Zima or going back to gumming Xanax like Sour Patch Kids, it does mean digging the ugly hydra-heads of The She Males and Deadspot, who’ll reunite at the North Star Aug. 26 with Blessed Muthas in tow. At a time when Phillyrok was glutted by pop janglers and No-Dep wranglers, these fabulous assholes were metal messes. If you like that IggyDanzig-Janes-motorcycle-ass-fuck vibe, this is for you. ³ Speaking of the ’90s, one-time Philly Mag scribe Sasha Issenberg released Rick Perry and His Eggheads (Crown), a 99-cent eBook about the Texas governor’s 2006 campaign test marketing. It’s a cheapie chapter from The Victory Lab, due in autumn of 2012. ³ I’m hearing that The Vault, the hip-hoppity club spot between Old City and Northern Liberties, may move soon toward a housed-out sound and cool-as-ice décor with some of your favorite electro-locals along for the DJ ride.

Or not. ³ Word has it that the Weinsteins’The Silver Linings Playbook (the novel, written by Matthew Quick, was excerpted in City Paper in 2008), starring Philly’s Bradley Cooper (replacing Mark Wahlberg,who’ll replace Cooper in The Crow) and Robert DeNiro,may film locally. When I asked Greater Philly Film queen Sharon Pinkenson about whether SLP, directed by David O. Russell, is filming early 2012 or getting shoehorned into 2011, she said an announcement will come “soon.”

Then there’s Kata (The Iron Thorn),the film project written by Jamaican-Philly DJ/educator/community leader Terry Lee Barrett.The supernatural action/ adventure story set in his homeland and dedicated to his dad, anthropologist/Rev. Leonard E. Barrett Sr., has received a verbal offer to produce from a finance team led by Victor Bowie of Phantom Scout LTD and Financial Advisory Associates International LLC.The amount? A two with a lot of zeroes after it. ³ Right after Michael Solomonov and Steven Cook open the chicken-y Federal Donuts in September, the Percy Street BBQ team will pop a mesquite-smoked sandwich shop at The Market & Shops at Comcast Center in October. ³ Don’t know what’s best: that the wonky Watery Love is playing a kids matinee on Aug. 28, that it’s at El Bar or that they’re releasing a new single, on Siltbreeze yet, that very day. ³ Sherman Arts’ Rich Wexler’s partnership with the Rotunda, a high school cast version of Rent,is holding auditions for students age 14 to 21 in September. Want in? Write to projecttheaterproject@gmail.com. ³The silver lining here is that there’s always more Icepack at citypaper.net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

FAUX ON THE FLOW: Faux Slang rose from the ashes of scene staples This Radiant Boy and Barking Spiders.

JOHN VETTESE

[ rock/pop ]

DON’T GET TOO COMFORTABLE Philly noisemakers Faux Slang strike just the right discord. By John Vettese

W

“

e were never afraid to not know what we were doing,” muses Rick Hass.

A classically trained pianist and singer, he’s not playing the un-schooled rocker here. Sit him at the piano in his South Philly practice space, and Hass can bust out a sweet Beethoven sonata. But as he discovered in his 10 years in the Philly scene, training and technique are secondary to chemistry.

This week, his band Faux Slang released an eponymous EP on upstart local vinyl label Ripe Records. It’s a blazing set of punk riffs, fuzzy vintage keyboard tones and power pop hooks; on Saturday, the foursome celebrates at Kung Fu Necktie.

Before band practice earlier this month, Hass and his cohorts — Ian Nauroth on guitar and vocals, Adam Herndon on drums and Dan Verechia on “guitarmonies” — ponder the path that led them from side project to scene staple.

A lanky guy with a trimmed beard and jovial grin, Verechia is the last to arrive. Recently back in the fold after a three-year absence, he is the group’s founding bassist. The others jab at him like the old friends they are, joking that Verechia quit the band via an email reading, “I think indie rock is dumb.”

Verechia doesn’t recall the wording, but cops to the sentiment. “I wanted to play more post-rock-type stuff,” he recalls. “Less guitar, less structure.” As it happened, his time away was necessary for Faux Slang to find itself.

Verechia, Herndon and Hass are all former members of This Radiant Boy, toast of Philly’s early-aughts indie community. When that band called it a day in 2006, the three followed singer-guitarist Mike Guggino into the short-lived, herky-jerky noise punk act Barking Spiders.

It released a handful of ridiculous songs to MySpace (sample title: “World Series of Playa Hatin’”) and toured twice, but the connection wasn’t there. “Mike is so good at guitar, insanely good,” says Hass. “But it became overpowering after a while. We wanted to be more subtle about it. That’s kind of the reason TRB split up, too.” Hass points his arms askew. “He was going this way, we were going this way.”

Meanwhile, Herndon’s roommate Nauroth hopped on board the second Spiders tour to sell merch. Formerly a guitarist in Bethlehem hardcore outfit The Ick, he began writing songs with Hass as they nursed morning hangovers. When Barking Spiders split up, Faux Slang got started on its first five-song demo, Combination Platter.

It was a bumpy beginning. Verechia was gone by the end of 2007.

The band opted not to replace him, focusing instead on writing and arranging — foreign territory for all three.

“None of us had ever led a band before,” says Hass. “Which is why we got Faux Slang together in the first place. To have a democratic, ‘let’s try everything’ situation.”

“I think indie rock is dumb.”

>>> continued on page 22

the naked city | feature

[ being nice makes the world a better place ] ³ rock/pop

“Ritual Union,” the sparky title tune of Little Dragon’s third fulllength (Peacefrog), is a meditation on matrimony, but the phrase could also describe the seamless, deep-vibing pocket the Swedish foursome inhabit so magnetically whenever they take the stage.

Recordings still aren’t a patch on that uncanny live allure, but this may be their most satisfying yet, progressing beyond effortlessly moody grooves toward brighter, snappier territory without losing their jazzy machine-soul elasticity or Yukimi Nagano’s endlessly enrapturing, enigmatic coo.

Sort of a shame Stephen Malkmus didn’t stick with the wry working title Madonna in Love, but otherwise it’s hard to lodge a legit complaint against Mirror Traffic (Matador), his fifth album with the Jicks, first since last year’s world-conquering victory lap with that other band of his, and most instantly, consistently approachable in ages. Spanning gorgeously warm countryfied lopes, smirking spazz-outs and bull’seye riff-fests, these 15 cuts are spry, tuneful, funny and touching: —K. Ross Hoffman nothing but gold, gold sounds.

³ rock After trimming the fat and finding a new home at Sargent House, Sacramento’s Hella is back to being just Spencer Seim and Zach Hill. Tripper is their first full-length release as a duo since 2005, but that’s only made the dissonance more crunchy. Tracks like “Kid Life Crisis” and “Psycho Bro” are more riffed out and melodic than earlier Hella albums. And fear not, the walls of noise that Hella builds to separate themselves from the rest of the math —Brian Willensky rock world are just as chaotic as ever.

flickpick

Robin Rice on visual art

—K. Ross Hoffman

³ soul/pop British singer-songwriter Devonte Hynes has shed the whimsy of his Lightspeed Champion days. Coastal Grooves, his first LP as Blood Orange, was inspired by NYC’s black gay hall culture of the ’80s. With stark basslines and ceaseless synth, it sounds like a salute to post-punk and ’80s R&B, Manchester meets Minneapolis. Hynes seems to have skipped the danceability and eclecticism that his idols mastered, but Coastal Grooves is soft, darkly poignant and at times mesmerizing.

—Cassie Owens

[ movie review ]

OUR IDIOT BROTHER [ C+ ] IT’S HARD TO sit through Our Idiot Brother without a sense of unfulfilled

ABINGTON ART CENTER SCULPTURE PARK

515 Meetinghouse Road, Jenkintown, 215-887-4882, abingtonartcenter.org ³ WHILE NEW WORKS are added every year,

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Abington Art Center allows some sculptures in its 27acre Art Park to decay and disappear naturally.

With this in mind, artist Mei-ling Hom has planned her work carefully around the passage of time. Her 2011 Mycelial Nimbus will someday become a golden cloud of fungi. Mycelial filaments enable oyster mushrooms to grow and spread (but not reproduce sexually). Hom injected them into a mass of cut poplar branches rising chest-high from a ground layer of periwinkle. Right now the wood looks truncated and harsh. Soon, spreading fungi may soften it into a benign “mushroom cloud.”

Suspended above a performance pavilion, this year’s most dramatic work is a swooping flight of jonquil-yellow translucent bird silhouettes. An everchanging source of visual pleasure, Erica Loustau’s Augury responds to every modulation of light in the environment.

The little 1836 Quaker meeting house in the park is far enough from the main building, Alverthorpe Manor, that you might want to drive. Inside Lonnie Grahams’Six Big Diamondsis a photographic record of the Wote community in Kenya.The Wote are losing their livelihood of cotton farming to industrialization.

A small plot of cotton planted in sympathy looks magnificently healthy but is believed to have grown too fast and tall to set harvestable bolls.

Visit the Abington Art Center’s website for information on the meeting house’s hours, as it is not always accessible. The sculpture park, however, is open to the public during daylight, 365 days a year. Plenty of time to be enchanted — so long as you catch these new works before they’re gone. (r_rice@citypaper.net)

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anticipation: Surely with this much intelligence involved both behind and in front of the camera, there has to be something more meaningful here than “being nice makes the world a better place.” Right? There is a little more to it than that, but never enough to save the film from feeling flimsy and artificially feel-good, with all the depth of a clever bumper sticker. Perhaps that line of thinking is exactly what the film is arguing against. After all, Paul Rudd’s guileless manchild mends his three sisters’ personal lives by extracting their self-perpetuating complications, so obviously we’d all be better off just chilling out and telling the truth. After being tricked into selling pot to a uniformed police officer, ingratiating hippie Ned serves a short stint behind bars, after which he’s given the boot by his ex and forced to live successively with each of his sisters: confused free spirit Natalie (Zooey Deschanel), ambitious journalist Miranda (Elizabeth Banks) and suffering housewife Liz (Emily Mortimer). Ned complicates each of these situations simply by approaching them honestly and being unable to navigate the convoluted narrows of lies and secrets his sisters have been using to get through their days. Ned is saved from Gumpian idealization by Rudd’s performance, which makes full use of his boyish openness but slyly hints at a guiding wisdom behind the smiling innocence. Fortunately, he’s given far more modest aims than Tom Hanks’ savant, entrusted to be the prime mover of modern American history; all Ned wants is his dog back and a place to crash. His frustration that everyone else is working at cross-purposes to these ends peeks through even his unflappable “live and let live” acceptance. There’s more to Ned than meets the eye, and his naïveté may be more choice than nature, leaving open the question of whether he stumbles into saving his sisters’ lives or actively pursues the task. —Shaun Brady

All the depth of a bumper sticker.

BETTER OFF NED: Paul Rudd brings boyish charm and sly wisdom to the titular couch-surfing manchild in a film that otherwise lacks intellectual payoff.

NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY

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[ disc-o-scope ]

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3-),%9

✚ Don’t Get Too Comfortable <<< continued from page 20

One of Tel Aviv’s longest-running fringe shows

A series of sexually charged monologues that reveal the lives of Generation Y, struggling with situations, emotions, and identities from which you the audience can’t stay indifferent.

September 4 - 7, 2011. $15.00 www.livearts-fringe.org Performances at Media Bureau Networks 725 N. 4th Street (Northern Liberties)

WIN A CHANCE TO ATTEND A SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING OF For your chance to win passes for you and a guest to an advance screening, visit

www.citypaper.net/win

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. PASSES ARE AVAILABLE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. ONE (ADMIT TWO) PASS PER WINNER. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE. SEATING AT SCREENING IS NOT GUARANTEED. THIS FILM IS RATED R.

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IN THEATERS AUGUST 31

“Everything” meant misfires, clashing instrumental parts, rejected song ideas. “It was almost like us getting uncomfortable with ourselves,” Herndon recalls. “There’s so much shit we recorded and didn’t do anything with.”

A second demo was aborted when Herndon began pulling double duty drumming with electropop act A Sunny Day in Glasgow. Eventually, Faux Slang’s fits and starts coalesced into the outstanding One of These Days I’m Gonna Get Myself Normalized EP, released digitally in 2009. On it, the three locked in like clockwork. Herndon’s rhythms pounded, Nauroth’s guitar rattled, Hass’ organ hummed, and all joined in on vocal harmonies for three-minute rock nuggets like “Public Soup” and “Tumblin’ Tower.”

The new EP builds on this momentum. “Ha Ha Bang Bang” rages out of the gate like a Superchunk surf anthem with a motorik beat; the half-time “Settin’ Fire” ends the record with disco drums and a boisterous refrain. Josh Meakim of Sunny Day lent the set roaring, urgent production, and Verechia found a new role on second keyboard and baritone guitar, allowing him to play basslines as well as leads.

“What I realized after seeing how good you guys became live,” he tells his bandmates, “is I could bring that [post-rock] desire to the band, I could bring guitar texture and sounds.”

Hass reasons that it’s more than that. He and Nauroth share songwriting duties; Verechia is a whiz when it comes to structure; Herndon “takes

[ arts & entertainment ]

the song from zero to 60.”

“The band only works with all four of us,” Hass says.

But it’s the interplay of his pumping keyboard and Nauroth’s jagged guitar leads that give Faux Slang its backbone.

“I like music that has both,” he says. “I’ve always played piano, but TRB only had these New Pornographers-style lead lines.

I don’t like that, I want to chug along with the drums and bass.”

Over at the rehearsal space, after watching his friend wrap up the impromptu classical recital, Herndon questions this.

“You really hold back,” he tells Hass. “Which I like, I get what you’re trying to do. But I like to think that if the day came and we decided to go pop, Faux Slang could be Philly’s Ben Folds.” (john.vettese@citypaper.net) ✚ Sat., Aug. 27, 7 p.m., $10, with Nothing,

Open Ocean and Deardarkhead, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215-2914919, kungfunecktie.com.

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[ arts & entertainment ]

[ the great indoors ]

DESIGNING WOMAN

[ silkworm ]

A local blogger shows us how to live big with nothing but a trip to the thrift store and a glue gun. By Meg Augustin

GET YOUR GUN

S

ince its inception as an online column, The Great Indoors has largely featured richer designers, shops, tastes and tours — more so out of lustful awe than blind support. But as the school year beckons and many renters are on the move, proverbial purse strings are getting tighter. So we thought it was about time to look at how Philly design functions outside of a professional’s dreamscape.

That’s where Ashley Hannan comes in. The Connecticut/New York transplant is all about creating and finding rather than buying. Her design blog, Meet Me in Philadelphia, takes readers through a series of DIYs she’s either spotted around town or done herself. Hannan has a penchant for adopting high-end looks for less with just a few craft supplies and a little ingenuity. She sews, spray-paints and even papier-mâchés — anything to stay away from designer price tags.

But more than the accrued monetary savings, Hannan’s motivated by the feeling of accomplishment that comes from creating a fabulous, one-of-a-kind product. “The reaction — the ‘wow, where’d you get that?’ — is what I aspire to,” she says. “A rug or piece of art that is uniquely mine, [something] I pulled out of a dark, dusty corner of a thrift store, [will] inevitably generate conversation from anyone who visits our apartment.”

Take, for instance, her West Elm-esque side tables. When she and her husband first moved in to their Society Hill apartment, they didn’t own enough furniture to fill it. As anyone who has upgraded to larger digs knows, empty spaces can be expensive problems to solve — so Hannan had to improvise. One such resourceful plan started with a set of side tables by Stray Dog Design that she had spotted in a West Elm catalog. Each 15-inch-round table was $150 — a pricey indulgence for a blogger on a budget. So, like many items in her home, Hannan decided to replicate them using large cardboard tubes, newspaper and tape. The final product? Two side tables for only $12.50.

This project is only one in a long list of self-made indulgences or thrift-store finds. Her living room features a Craigslist-scooped Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams sofa, a midcentury TV table, an ottoman passed down from her husband’s parents that she will soon reupholster, and one of the few store-bought items in her collection — a Crate & Barrel coffee table turned media cabinet. The master bedroom is a preppy-chic collection of red, white and blue accoutrements such as a reupholstered chevron-print armchair, vintage

✚ IT’S CRITMASS IN SEPTEMBER! Got the end-of-summer blues? City Paper’s A&E blog is chock-full of distractions, from Jane Cassady’s twee-enchanted horoscopes to Ryan Carey’s LMAO-worthy comedy column. Plus, we’ll be inundating you with delicious Fringe and Live Arts coverage all month long. Are you hungry yet? Visit citypaper.net/criticalmass.

³ JASON GOLDBERG’S SOLO exhibition at

MEET ME HALFWAY: Through her crafty design blog, Meet Me in Philadelphia, Ashley Hannan (left) shares the DIY projects and bargain treasures adorning her Society Hill apartment.

NEAL SANTOS

red-lacquer dressers, custom-knit pillows and a modern take on lighting that uses Home Depot Y-socket splitters. Downstairs, the ultra-modern kitchen is balanced out with a hand-painted, rich green colonial console table, and the family room sports a repurposed curved loveseat that sat in Hannan’s parents’ home.

Hannan’s stylish abode is a testament to the investment in a sewing machine. The guest room uses a sewn fabric “drape” as a headboard, and the room’s window panels were made by combining white IKEA curtains with red pom-pom trim. Yet while Hannan shows us how a few sewing jobs can save you from a splurge, she also realizes not everything can be a successful DIY project. For furniture redos outside the realm of a paint job, Hannan has mastered reupholstery. For the majority of her projects, she’s relied on Chairloom, an upholstery shop in Ardmore.

Spending a little bit more for a professional job has given her the best results on major pieces; the high-end-looking finished products are still considerably cheaper than catalog finds.

Entering Hannan’s home, you get the impression that you’re entering the space of one of few Gen Yers with a six-figure income.

But the richness has actually been created through her love for the lost art of in-home creation and the revamping of everyday handme-downs.

As most of us keep a heavy eye on our checkbooks, it’s important to remain vigilant about our purchases but not lose our creativity or wishful thinking. Hannan has shown us that with just a little motivated creativity, designer looks can be achieved for a fraction of the cost while transforming your home into a unique showplace of DIY design. (megan.augustin@citypaper.net)

Hannan tries to find rather than buy.

✚ See how Hannan does it all on her blog, meetmeinphiladelphia.blogspot.com.

The Great Indoors, Meg Augustin’s Philly home and design column, appears weekly at citypaper.net/criticalmass. Want to be featured? Let us know.

Grindcore House is conceived from the brink of annihilation.

Goldberg, who owns Olde City Tattoo, presents several original paintings in custom-made frames, as well as an installation of screen-printed handguns. A watercolor portrait titled Laura Lee is a chilling image of a wild-eyed young woman pressing a shotgun to her chin as her image emerges from a gory abyss. A dark-haired woman with a black eye recedes hauntingly into the distance in another portrait, It’s Just You and Me, as a smaller figure below presses a handgun to his skull.

Goldberg’s paintings use compositional tension to reinforce content. The images — as in I Thought About Killing Myself, pictured — appear to be created using some motion painting techniques, deployed with a sense of intention to coexist with the image, and the figurative elements are slowly revealed in the painting process. You can imagine these characters occupying a horror show elsewhere, waiting for Goldberg to call them away.

Irony dominates the content in the printed material, and is the presumed explanation for the show’s title, “Plastic Letters.” Small woodblocks are dispersed throughout the walls of Grindcore House, most printed with a crudely but accurately drawn image of a different gun and accompanying suicide note. Splatters of blood appear on notes with statements like “It’s May 5th and My Lifetime Tour Has Ended,” or “I Kissed You Once for an Hour.”

As a group they act like a bit of a game, enticing you to read each one, meanwhile drawing you in through a collision of unexpected cuteness and tragedy, like in the printed edition of a small red-and-black gun that reads, “I Get Sad When You Leave.”

While there is a humor to the prints, this work comes from the hand and mind of a true splatterpunk with a fetish for the other side.

—Elizabeth D’Ambrosio ✚“Plastic Letters,” through Sept. 30, free, Grindcore House, 1515 S. Fourth St., grindcorehouse.com. View Goldberg’s work at flickr.com/photos/jag13art. Follow Silkworm, Elizabeth D’Ambrosio’s visual arts column, at citypaper.net/criticalmass.

By Yael Rasooly

Internationally Acclaimed Puppeteer

A lonely Secretary escapes into a world of daydreams where she is a glamorous 1940â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s movie star.

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Performances at Media Bureau Networks 725 N. 4th Street (Northern Liberties)

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September 4 - 7, 2011. $15.00 www.livearts-fringe.org

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Drinking to Cope?

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The Treatment Research Center is currently conducting a clinical research study in which participants will receive naltrexone (an FDAapproved medication) or placebo (inactive medication).

For further information, or an eligibility screening, call 215-222-3200, ext. 170.

Spend some days in utopia, and you’ll find your game.”

“

INVITES YOU AND A GUEST TO AN ADVANCE SCREENING OF

To download two “admit-one” tickets go to

www.gofobo.com/RSVP and enter RSVP code CITYFUXD. While supplies last.

FOR INFORMATION ON DISCOUNTED TICKETS FOR YOUR GROUP E-MAIL utopia@entertainmentgroupsales.com Become a fan on

: facebook.com/Seven-Days-in-Utopia

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. LIMIT TWO TICKETS PER PERSON WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. THEATER IS OVERBOOKED TO ENSURE A FULL HOUSE. ARRIVE EARLY. TICKETS RECEIVED THROUGH THIS PROMOTION DO NOT GUARANTEE ADMISSION. SEATING IS ON A FIRST-COME, FIRST-SERVED BASIS, EXCEPT FOR MEMBERS OF THE REVIEWING PRESS. THIS FILM IS RATED G.

IN THEATERS SEPTEMBER 2

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HANDY WARHOL Excessive nudity and overt Pop Art rip-offs eclipse Butch Cordora’s latest message.

saber. For “The Absolution Lab,” Cordora sought a total departure from his previous work. “I think this show is going to be more important than the first,” he says. “It shows that I have more ideas than shooting my naked ass with straight guys.”

Cordora chose as his subjects those who are always in the spotlight: celebrities. “I started thinking about who Warhol would adore,” he says of his first two muses, Princess Diana and John F. Kennedy Jr. For Bad, Bad Behavior (pictured) and Piper Down, the artist used digital images of their respective wreckages that he ripped from the Internet, using Photoshop to re-color them in the same vein as Andy Warhol’s haunting image of the electric chair.

In fact, most of the works in “Absolution Lab” are obvious nods to the most recognizable Pop artist of the 20th century — which, along with the heavy lineup of (mostly in-the-buff) celebs, tends to overshadow the show’s intended self-appreciation-boosting theme.

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rtistic inspiration can come from the darndest places. Take Butch Cordora: One afternoon, the former local publicbroadcast TV star was channel-surfing and came across the tail end of Titanic. You know the scene: The craggy-faced old lady is out to sea, reminiscing about her necklace, when she zaps into a fit of reflection about the moment the famous passenger liner gurgled below the waves. “The 700 people in the boats had nothing to do but wait,” she sobbed. “Wait to die, wait to live, wait for an absolution that would never come.” That’s the phrase that propelled Cordora back to the studio to create something that represents our need to be rescued or redeemed. According to the artist, “The only person who can absolve you is yourself.”

The resulting project, “Absolution Lab,” is the second exhibition for the 51-year-old Philly conceptual artist. Last summer he flashed onto the scene with the much-hyped “Straight and Butch” collection — a series of black-and-white nude photographs of him and a gaggle of straight men doing things like tattooing each other, sharing a shave and crossing a street Abbey Road-style. The show and related calendar did extremely well for a first-timer: He garnered a ton of press and a hefty profit, selling four pieces to legit area art collectors; the series even spawned a supplemental documentary that was shown to sold-out crowds at last year’s QFest, earning him a lucrative distribution deal.

But that project’s success became a double-edged, pigeonholing

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By Josh Middleton

Triple Wrangler is a nude image of hunky gay 1970s porn star Jack Wrangler, a la Triple Elvis. Headshot is a Marilyn Diptychish interpretation of one of Cordora’s own headshots from the ’90s. “I needed myself there to show that it wasn’t a show about celebrities,” he says. “It’s about every person in the world — famous and infamous.”

The only pieces that veer away from the Warhol aesthetic are a 6-by-8-foot installation composed of the 20 Africa covers Annie Leibovitz shot for Vanity Fair in 2007, and Building the Perfect Man, a photograph of David Beckham’s head transposed onto the body of a naked model striking an erotic crucifixion pose.

With all this manipulation of other people’s work and likenesses, isn’t Cordora worried that someone might get pissed? “If I ever have to worry about that, it means I’m making money, and at that point I welcome it,” he laughs. “Honey, I would love to be in court with Posh Spice like nobody’s business. I dream for the day.” (josh.middleton@citypaper.net)

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✚ Opening reception Fri., Sept. 2, 6-9 p.m., free,

through Oct. 2, Ven and Vaida, 18 S. Third St., 215592-4099, venandvaida.com.

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FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

Brighton Rock

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BRIGHTON ROCK|C

TRISTAR PICTURES AND STAGE 6 FILMS PRESENT A COPRODUCTION EUROPACORP-TF FILMS PRODUCTION-GRIVE PRODUCTIONS WITH THE PARTICIPATION OF CANAL+ AND CINECINEMA ZOE SALDANA “COLOMBIANA” WITH MICHAEL VARTAN AND CLIFF CURTIS JORDI MOLLA LENNIE JAMES ORIGINAL LINE PRODUCED SCORE NATHANIEL MECHALY PRODUCER AJOZ FILMS

BY LUC BESSON AND ARIEL ZEITOUN WRITTEN DIRECTED

BY LUC BESSON & ROBERT MARK KAMEN BY OLIVIER MEGATON STARTS FRIDAY, AUGUST 26

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Updating Graham Greene’s classic crime thriller to the Mods-vs.-Rockers ’60s, Rowan Joffe makes a clean break with the Boulting brothers’ 1947 adaptation, but leaves behind too much of what made the story distinctive. In his directorial debut, Joffe takes much the same approach as he did in his screenplay for Anton Corbijn’s The American, lacing terse, stylish violence with overwrought sentimentality. The setting he creates, finding an undercurrent of seedy violence in the seaside resort town of Brighton, is undeniably vivid; the salt sea air shines harshly on the fading boardwalk attractions by day while the tide washes in under steel blue moonlight at night. But Joffe fails to successfully integrate the story with its new time period, never attempting to explain why sociopathic anti-hero Pinkie Brown (Sam Riley) falls in with old-school mobsters instead of his scooter-riding contemporaries. It too often feels like a ’40s noir unfolding while Quadrophenia erupts in the background. The parallels hint at a theme of the basic amorality of youth and the struggle to reconcile violent impulses with Catholic guilt and the aimless energy of adolescence, but Martin Phipps’ portentous score is a concrete block around the film’s feet, arguing an unsupportable importance. Worst of all, Joffe’s recasting of the Ida Arnold character as a matronly café manager not only squanders Helen Mirren but discards Greene’s most colorful asset, the brassy barfly-turned-amateur detective.

—Shaun Brady (Ritz Five)

COLOMBIANA Read Cindy Fuchs’ review at citypaper.net/movies. (Pearl, UA Riverview)

DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK|C A cheesy made-for-TV horror flick from the early ’70s might not scream Guillermo del Toro remake fodder, but it’s right up the Pan’s Labyrinth director’s cinematic alley — musty, fantastical setting (a creepy abandoned New England mansion), fragile young protagonist (Bailee Madison as Sally) and, most vitally, whimsical fairy-tale creatures who enjoy snacking on the teeth of children. Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, co-written by del Toro and directed by comic book artist Troy Nixey, has all the bones of a stylish fright fest, but the first-timer’s languid pacing repeatedly squanders all that organic tension. Sally, relocated by her flake of a mother to live with her architect dad (Guy Pearce) and his interior designer lover (Katie Holmes), is a troubled kid wrestling with abandonment issues — so (naturally!) she clings to the teasing voices pleading for her friendship from a deep, dark hole in the basement. Though the grown-ups don’t believe her, Sally soon starts being terrorized by these otherworldy monsters that operate solely in the shadows.

You couldn’t pay for a better device with which to cultivate big scares, but Nixey’s herky-jerky organization (screams one sec, snores the next) does no favors for the film, which takes little advantage of the latitude that comes with an R rating. —Drew Lazor (UA Grant, UA Riverview)

THE HEDGEHOG|C Paloma (Garance Le Guillermic) is a wealthy, precocious 11year-old who rails against being in the “fishbowl.” She hides from her family via a camcorder she uses to chronicle “why life is absurd.” She plans to kill herself on her next birthday.

Her story is paralleled with that of her apartment building’s janitor, Mrs. Michel (Josiane Balasko), whom Paloma dubs “the Hedgehog” because she is prickly on the outside, refined on the inside. When an elegant Japanese man, Mr.

FINAL DESTINATION 5|B Yep, FD5 follows the absolutely exact same formula as its predecessors: Too-pretty-to-live yuppies escape a blood-gurgling catastrophe (thanks to a good ol’ Unexplained Premonition) only to find themselves hunted one by one by the unseen Rube Golbergian Death. Lots of dripping pipes,

CONAN THE BARBARIAN|CSay what you will about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Conan the Barbarian, but the Governator undoubtedly brought his absurd charisma to the

CRITICS ARE CALLING THIS

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“ OUTRAGEOUS ! ” David Walters,

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Paul Rudd is

COLUMBIA PICTURES PRESENTS IN ASSOCIATION WITH MEDIA RIGHTS CAPITAL A RED HOUR PRODUCTION “30 MINUTES OR LESS” JESSE EISENBERG NI C K SWARDSON DANNY McBRIDE AZIZ ANSARI MI C HAEL PEÑA EXECUTIVE WITH FRED WARD PRODUCERS MONI C A LEVI N SON BRI A N LEVY PRODUCED

BY STUART CORNFELD BEN STILLER JEREMY KRAMER SCREENPLAY STORY

BY MICHAEL DILIBERTI

BY MICHAEL DILIBERTI & MATTHEW SULLIVAN DIRECTED

BY RUBEN FLEISCHER

✚ CONTINUING 30 MINUTES OR LESS|C

STARTS FRIDAY, AUGUST 26 AT THEATERS EVERYWHERE

CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS FOR THEATERS AND SHOWTIMES IN THEATERS SEPTEMBER 2

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Zombieland director Ruben Fleischer’s loose — and allegedly coinciden-

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Equal parts fable and folly, Julie Bertuccelli’s second feature (following Since Otar Left) aims as high as the towering fig tree at its center. Amid its roots, which burst through the drought-hardened Australian soil, lives a family sideswiped by grief. As Charlotte Gainsbourg adjusts to the sudden death of her husband, her four children cope in different ways: Her youngest son goes mute, and her daughter becomes convinced that her father’s spirit has taken refuge in the tree’s ancient form. Gainsbourg grieves more quietly here than in Antichrist, but no less palpably; the terse elegance with which she describes her former life to new boss (and eventual love interest) Martin Csokas is a study in doing less with more. It takes some ungainly dialogue to account for the presence of a willowy Franco-English hybrid in the dusty outback, but as an actor, she’s perfectly at home. Notwithstanding the awe-inspiring wonder of nature in the title role, The Tree’s conceit seems better suited to the page (i.e. Judy Pacoe’s source novel) than the screen, or at least Bertuccelli fails to conjure the necessary sense of ambiguous mysticism. Daughter Morgana Davies, who takes temporary residence in the tree’s branches when its safety is threatened, nearly carries the day with the desperate simplicity of her belief, but ultimately the movie’s mundane account of moving on is more gripping than its wooden metaphors.

—Sam Adams (Ritz at the Bourse)

HILARIOUS.”

Cole Abaius/FILM SCHOOL REJECTS

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role. The same cannot be said for Jason Momoa’s Conan, a vengeful meathead who decapitates first and asks questions later. Without the camp humor there’s very little to like about this one-trick Barbarian, whose only solution to a problem is to grunt and run at it with his sword. —S.B. (Pearl, UA Grant, UA Riverview)

“EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF THIS MOVIE IS

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OUR IDIOT BROTHER|C+ Read Shaun Brady’s review on p. 21.

(Ritz East)

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tal — interpretation of Erie, Pa.’s real-life 2003 “collar bomb” bank robbery incident has all the trappings of a potent, Pineapple Express-esque stoner action comedy, namely a quick-witted Frat Pack 2.0 cast (Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride, Aziz Ansari, Nick Swardson, Michael Peña) and every excuse to treat violence with abject nihilism. So why do many of the loaded punch lines in 30 Minutes or Less feel deflated? Ansari is without question the most consistent member of the entire crew, working his fussy, self-deprecating shtick to best effect.

But that’s not enough to save the movie from its skewed opinion of itself.

—D.L. (UA Riverview)

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Ozu (Togo Igawa), moves in with his cats, he helps Paloma and Mrs. Michel come out of their shells. Mrs. Michel, in particular, transforms from an ugly duckling — cutting her hair, dressing up and even going out. All this drama, adapted from Murial Barbery’s novel by writer/director Mona Achache, unfolds at a snail’s pace. To this enervating film’s credit, when the denouement comes, it does sting. But while Balasko gives a textured performance in the title role, it is quite hard to embrace her comic nonsense in Mr. Ozu’s bathroom.

Likewise, Paloma’s malaise never quite convinces despite Le Guillermic’s best efforts. Achache layers her film with some nice visuals and even a nifty bit of animation, but it is all just lipstick on a pig. —Gary M. Kramer (Ritz Five)

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self-loosening bolts, fraying wires, that sorta thing. This time the disaster’s a bridge collapse, and there’s some weird, unconfirmed and ultimately pointless loophole it’s not worth going into here.

This franchise has few surprises to offer, so don’t let anybody ruin FD5’s ridiculous and self-congratulatory ending for you. —Patrick Rapa (Pearl, UA Grant, UA Riverview)

FRIGHT NIGHT|BUnlike many a remake, this revamp of Tom Holland’s 1985 horror-comedy learned most of the right lessons from its predecessor. Anton Yelchin is Charley Brewster, a high-schooler whose best friend is convinced Charley’s new neighbor is a vampire.

It just so happens that he’s right; enter an endearingly hammy Colin Farrell, making speeches about the “scent of fear” while suggesting that one way to survive the tedium of immortality is to simply not be very bright. The horror is tame, the comedy mild — both of which match the limited charms of Fright Night’s model. —S.B. (Pearl, UA Grant, UA Riverview)

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THE GUARD|AJohn Michael McDonagh, brother of lauded playwright and In Bruges director Martin McDonagh, takes a whole-hog approach to exploiting the provincial reputation of the Irish in his directorial debut, following the amoral exploits of Gerry Boyle (Brendan Gleeson), an acid-dropping, hookerhiring, socially stunted police officer who could very well be the last clean cop on the Emerald Isle. What makes The Guard such a watchable black comedy, aside from its grinningly McQueen-like pace, is Gleeson’s serrated performance, at once childlike, cold and chummy. —D.L. (Ritz Five)

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✚ ALSO PLAYING CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER | B UA Riverview CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE. | BRoxy, UA Riverview HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS 2 | B+ Roxy, UA Riverview MIDNIGHT IN PARIS | B+ Ritz Five POINT BLANK | BRitz at the Bourse SARAH’S KEY | D Ritz Five THE SMURFS | F UA Grant, UA Riverview THE TREE OF LIFE | ARitz at the Bourse See showtimes at citypaper.net/movies.

THE HELP|C The Help maintains an air of glossy nobility, sanctifying every one of its characters for their courage while shielding its eyes from hard truths at every turn.

For all of its Oprah’s Book Clubbiness, the source novel at least maintained that very real threat of violence and abuse that any African-American faced by stepping out of line — lines constantly redefined by their angry and frustrated white neighbors and employers. But Tate Taylor places his emphasis squarely on crowd-pleasing, alternating scenes of quiet, dignified suffering with those silly racist, rich white folk showing their true colors. Its prevailing mood is self-congratulatory, tsk-tsk-ing bigotry from the safe haven of its own more enlightened era. —S.B. (UA Grant, UA Riverview) ONE DAY|B+ Can a man and a woman be friends without letting love get in the way? One Day may be the umpteenth film this year to address that thorny question, yet only heartless cynics will be bothered by the familiarity of this shamelessly irresistible romantic melodrama.

The “one day” in question is July 15, St. Swithin’s Day, when Emma (Anne Hathaway) and Dexter (Jim Sturgess) first meet; the film chronicles Em and Dex’s lives on the same day every year for two decades. This narrative gimmick and the film’s “live for today” message may be contrived, but director Lone Scherfig’s sure hand and fast pace makes the conceit surprisingly moving.

—G.M.K. (Ritz East)

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES|C+ Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a prequel to the original, which unfolds almost solely to set up a franchise — which already exists. Best not to spend too much time thinking about it. James Franco stars as the least competent scientist in film history, developing a potential Alzheimer’s cure and smuggling home a hyper-intelligent chimp to raise as his own. The ape revolution that results would have played as junky fun on a shoestring budget in the drive-in era, but somehow the clean precision of CGI and unlimited budgets makes the self-serious dopiness a lot less enjoyable.

—S.B. (Pearl, UA Grant, UA Riverview)

SENNA|A As recounted in Asif Kapadia’s terrific documentary, Formula One driver Ayrton Senna was not only skilled and daring, but also charismatic and thoughtful. Considering the many ways that politics manifest in Formula One racing while also conveying what’s thrilling about driving, from a driver’s perspective, the film leads inevitably to Senna’s death in 1994, following a crash at the San Marino Grand Prix in Imola, Italy. Less celebratory than contemplative, more nuanced than definitive, the documentary articulates risks and also allows the drivers to describe their nearly ecstatic experiences.

—Cindy Fuchs (Ritz at the Bourse) THE WHISTLEBLOWER|C+ Larysa Kondracki’s first feature is set in the lawless gray of post-Dayton Bosnia, where Nebraska cop Kathryn Bolkovac (Rachel Weisz) hires onto a government-contracted security force.

Divorced and desperate, her main goal is to make quick cash so she can relocate nearer her children, but her investigative reflexes kick in when battered and scarred women and girls show up at a U.N. hospital. The husbands and fathers who might have protected them have been taken by the war, leaving an ideal breeding ground for human traffickers and other vermin. Kathy plods doggedly through her frequently stymied investigation, and The Whistleblower follows suit, trudging forward one muck-encumbered step at a time. —S.A. (Ritz at the Bourse)

✚ REPERTORY FILM THE BALCONY 1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc. com. DAMN! (2011, U.S., 72 min.)

Video Library, 7141 Germantown Ave., 215-247-3020, regrettablesincerity.com.

The Brain (1988, U.S., 94 min.): Rotten Tomatoes contributor Adam Lippe hosts this screening of Ed Hunt’s “goofy horror-comedy.” Thu., Aug. 25, 7 p.m., $7.

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International House, 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, exhumedfilms. com. A Double Dose of Cannibal Carnage! Exhumed celebrates man-eating with Jungle Holocaust (1977, Italy, 88 min.) and Raw Meat (1973, U.K., 87 min.). Sun., Aug. 27, 8 p.m., $10.

MEDIUM RARE CINEMA

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Philebrity.com hosts the screening of this doc about Jimmy “The Rent Is Too Damn High!” McMillan, who’ll be in attendance. Mon., Aug. 29, 8 p.m., $3.

More on:

FIRE MUSEUM RECORDS

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Highwire Gallery, 2040 Frankford Ave., 215-426-2685, museumfire.com.

Skidoo (1968, U.S., 97 min.): Otto Preminger tries his hand at screwball comedy. Fri., Aug. 26, 8 p.m., free.

✚ CHECK OUT MORE R E P E R T O R Y F I L M L I S T I N G S AT C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / R E P F I L M .

A COMEDY ABOUT

OLD FRIENDS IN NEW POSITIONS ffff WEIRD KIND OF TRIUMPH.”

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-Joshua Rothkopf, TIME OUT NEW YORK

“LITERALLY HAIR-RAISING!” -Roger Moore, ORLANDO SENTINEL

-Brad Miska, BLOODY-DISGUSTING.com

“DEL TORO IS GUARANTEED TO GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!” -Stuart Lee, WNYX-TV

A GOOD OLD FASHIONED

ORGY JASON

SUDEIKIS

ANGELA

SARAFYAN

LESLIE

BIBB

LAKE

BELL

LINDSAY

SLOANE

MICHELLE

BORTH

MARTIN

STARR

NICK

PUNCH

P R E S E N T S

TYLER

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LABINE

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FORTE

A G O O D O L D FA S H I O N E D O R G Y- M O V I E . C O M

KATIE HOLMES GUY PEARCE AND BAILEE MADISON NIGEL MCKEAND SCREENPLAY BY GUILLERMO DEL TORO & MATTHEW ROBBINS

STARTS FRIDAY, AUGUST 26 IN THEATERS EVERYWHERE

DIRECTED BY

TROY NIXEY

CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS FOR THEATERS AND SHOWTIMES

33

OPENS IN SELECT THEATERS SEPTEMBER 2

BASED ON THE TELEPLAY BY

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“BROODING HORROR THAT GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN.”

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agenda

the

LISTINGS@CITYPAPER.NET | AUG. 25 - AUG. 31

classifieds | food

the agenda

[ bend over and pick it up ]

HOW CAN I BE SHORE? Movement Brigade takes to the banks of the Schuylkill River this week for Constants, a performance art piece that pays homage to forgotten Philly history.

JOHANNA AUSTIN

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/listings.

34 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

A U G U S T 2 5 - A U G U S T 3 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED:

Submit information by email (listings@citypaper.net) to Josh Middleton or enter them yourself at citypaper.net/submit-event with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

THURSDAY

8.25 [ sketch comedy ]

✚ HIGH DRAMMA Irreverent sketch-comedymongers High Dramma launch their fourth season this weekend with musical mayhem, putting a raunchy rap spin on some classical musical theater tunes with the Whitestreet Boys battling all-girl rappers

The Cotton Ponies (think about it — ew, right?). The alloriginal, cast-created show also features the Mario Brothers taking their girlfriends camping, and two new characters, The Slam Hogz, whom member Jen Jaynes calls “two amazingly disgusting women.”

—Mark Cofta Aug. 25-28, $15, Walking Fish Theatre, 2509 Frankford Ave., 215-427-9255, highdramma.com.

[ performance art ]

✚ CONSTANTS Philadelphia is steeped in history, yet few of us know much more about this city’s past than what happened within a few blocks of Independence Hall.

This city’s great outdoors have witnessed myriad influential stories, too, and Movement Brigade is offering a nightly theatrical remembrance of the Schuylkill River’s forgotten past. Attendees are greeted on wooded banks and led to canoes, which will take them

across the still waters to St. Peter’s Island and Columbia Railroad Bridge. The company will invoke the memories of typhoid victims, the brave slaves who traveled the Underground Railroad and the original Schuylkill dwellers, the Lenape tribe. Summer is waning; skip the flood of tourists and take your history lesson outside while you still can.

—Meg Augustin Through Sept. 4, 8:15 and 10:30 p.m., $15-$20, West Fairmount Park, movementbrigade.org.

— against the government’s militant rule. In an act of solidarity, Philly writers are coming together to read their own work and that of some Burmese authors; organizers hope to raise $3,938 — or “$2 for each political prisoner.”

Let’s take a stand, Philly, for creative freedom.

—Brian Wilensky Thu., Aug. 25, 5:30 p.m., $5, Moonstone Arts Center, 110A S. 13th St., 215-7359600, moonstoneartscenter.org.

[ rock/roots ]

[ think tank/fundraiser ]

✚ JD MALONE

✚ ARTISTS AGAINST CENSORSHIP

Not that he doesn’t love writing and performing growly roots-rock, but JD Malone did have his moments of wondering. “How is music useful? It feels self-serving. For a while I thought I might be an electrician, do something useful,” he recalls via phone from Vermont.

The idea was not so far-fetched for the former Navy sonar tech who settled in Philly after being stationed at the Yard. One song

“Even having an event like this would be illegal for them,” said Michelle Tooker of the people represented by Philadelphia’s chapter of the U.S. Campaign for Burma.

Nearly 2,000 Burmese, many of whom are artists, have been imprisoned for speaking out — in public, and even in poetry

called “Do What You Can Do” from Malone’s new CD, Avalon (ItsAboutMusic.com) narrates the tale of a friend dying in hospice — the anger, the acceptance, the desire to help. Malone decided his voice and guitar were his best shot at providing comfort, and that experience has now morphed into a project.

Malone wants to be encouraging and empowering, to urge people not to feel overwhelmed because they can’t reach disasters a world away. “Every good deed impacts the world in a positive way. Keep it small. But do something.” See some trash in front of you? Bend over and pick it up.

“I’m not asking you to cross the street, just do what you can.”

DoWhatYouCanDo.com will be live shortly; the first project is planned for Norfolk, benefiting disabled vets, with area musicians and local charities with tables looking for energy and time as well as money.

—Mary Armstrong Thu., Aug., 25, 8 p.m., $10, with Rodger Delany, Tin Angel, 20 S. Second, 215928-0770, tinangel.com.

FRIDAY

8.26 [ jazz/big band ]

✚ BRIAN CARPENTER’S GHOST TRAIN ORCHESTRA Though he tends to mine the obscure corners of the past for his material, Brian Carpenter is never one to dote on nostalgia. His Beat Circus dwells in a sepia-toned never-was where rogues and pirates sing drunkenly in a haunted sideshow port of call. Carpenter’s Ghost Train Orchestra recalls a more concrete past, the eclectic big band music of ’20s Chicago and Harlem, but the members aren’t the type of revivalists to play through an ironic mist of faux 78 scratches. The crack band means every note of the boldly exuberant, densely layered music of bands like

Fri., Aug. 26, 9:15 p.m., $10-$12, with PercyFearAnts Jazz Band, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.

—Meg Augustin

SATURDAY

8.27 [ music/food/benefit ]

✚ BLACK LANDLORD BBQ

[ rock/blues ]

✚ VIEUX FARKA TOURÉ On his latest effort, The Secret (Six Degrees), guitarist/singer Vieux Farka Touré jams with several famous friends, including Dave Matthews, Derek Trucks and Ivan Neville. But

at the core of the album is the combination of transcendent Malian grooves inherited from his late father, Ali Farka Touré, and hard-edged rock, blues and soul influences. It will be that sound, fueled by his intricate, entrancing guitar work, that will undoubtedly be broadcast to West Philly passers-by during this show, the second in this year’s 40th Street Summer Series.

—Shaun Brady

—A.D. Amorosi Sat., Aug. 27, 1-10 p.m., $25 (includes food and beer), Uke Club, 847 N. Franklin St. (between Seventh and Eighth streets below Poplar), blacklandlord.com.

[ visual art/party ]

✚ BATTLE OF THE CANVAS

[ vroom ]

✚ BRITISH RACING DEMONSTRATION In a youth-obsessed society, it’s hard to find an object valued for its ability to stand the test

—Christopher Seybert

Sat., Aug. 27, noon, $12, Simeone Foundation Automotive Museum, 6825-31 Norwitch Drive, 215-365-7233, simeonemuseum.org.

Sat., Aug. 27, noon-7 p.m., free, 34th Street and Mantua Avenue, mcic1.org.

[ kids, etc. ]

SUNDAY

✚ MANTUA FAMILY DAY FESTIVAL Summer — and outdoor festival season — will be over before you know it. Make good use of both at the seventh annual Mantua Family Day Festival, geared toward improving the relationships among families and neighbors in Mantua.

8.28 [ rock/pop ]

✚ MALE BONDING This well-named U.K. trio hits like a whiff of astoundingly

35

Philly’s getting meta this summer, hosting a plethora

Sat., Aug. 27, 6-8 p.m., free, with Kyo Daiko, 40th Street Field, 40th Street between Walnut and Locust, 215-2430555, universitycity.org.

There’s something here for everyone in your clan, including a carnival, the Philadelphia Zoo on Wheels, moon bounces, local food vendors and a showcase of local artists, musicians, dancers and poets. The main stage will feature an old-school concert from Naughty by Nature, Chubb Rock, Slick Rick and Kwame — so you can end the day with a good old-fashioned family sing-along to “O.P.P.”

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A U G U S T 2 5 - A U G U S T 3 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

When I think of charred meat and beer, I think of Black Landlord. I don’t know why.

Maybe it’s the blunt and boozy horns that make that meaty funk sizzle and swerve. Maybe it’s the beefy rhythm section that sounds as if it had been long doused in Bushmills. Maybe it’s the Landlord’s drunkity-drunk lyrics and wonky-woozy hollering from Master MC Blue Maxx Goat. Either way, a mesquite messy barbecue with unlimited brews is right up the Black Landlord alley. So, too, is their charitable streak. This year, the BBQ benefits the local chapter of Wide Horizons for Children and gets musical help from El Malito, Erika Schiff’s glam rocking In the Blonde, the smartly heated rap of Alien Architect and DJs from Strawberry Mansion to Mr. Sean Smoove, and more. Bring a bib.

Sat., Aug. 27, noon-10 p.m., free, Piazza at Schmidts, 1050 N. Hancock St., facebook.com/battleofthecanvas.

—Christopher Seybert

[ the agenda ]

food | classifieds

—Shaun Brady

of time. Every fourth Saturday, Fred Simeone selects a small group of early-20th-century race cars to be driven on his museum’s back lot, so visitors can experience firsthand the adrenaline and excitement of the classic roadsters. On the track this weekend: the 1927 Bentley 3-Liter, a four-time Le Mans winner and believed to be the only vintage Bentley raced in the U.S. before WWII; a 1934 MG K3 Magnette, the most successful MG race car in history; and a 1958 Aston Martin DBR1.

the agenda

conjure the vibrant nightlife of a bygone era.

of events that put the artists themselves on display. (In July alone, the Schuylkill Banks presented Art in the Open, while South Street played host to live-art fest ART/GAGE.) Getting in on the action, the Piazza at Schmidts is calling on Philly artists to battle it out — in public. More than two dozen local artists will spend the day creating on their own canvases while dancers, DJs and vendors do their thing. The winner takes home $500 — but it’s not all about money. As artists create, visitors can interact and witness the process — just one part of a larger goal to move great art from museum walls onto Philly streets.

the naked city | feature | a&e

McKinney’s Cotton Pickers, or Fess Williams’ Royal Flush Orchestra, whose names alone

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dj

A SELECTIVE GUIDE TO WHAT BANGS IN PHILLY | BY GAIR MARKING, AKA DEV79

W M 1 N/C

U V

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h b O A e 9

Drum ’n’ Bass Dubstep/Garage Electro Experimental Funk/Soul Goth/Industrial

Arts Garage

Silk City

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435 Spring Garden St., 215-592-8838

Barbary

Table 31

951 Frankford Ave., 215-423-8342

1701 JFK Blvd., 215-567-7111

Bookspace

Voyeur Nightclub

1113 Frankford Ave., 215-291-5880

1221 St. James St., 215-735-5772

Fluid

THU., AUG. 25

Jose Pistola’s

Q PHLTH M

h b O @ Fluid

1248 N. Front St., 215-291-4919

w/Proper Villains, Seraph, Flufftronix, Suga Shay. Expect lots of big boom, including pure fire from NYC badboy Proper Villains, $12.

Liberty Bar

Q LEARN W

263 S. 15th St., 215-545-4101 Kung Fu Necktie

2204 Market St., 215-496-9797 Medusa Lounge

27 S. 21st St., 215-557-1981 R.U.B.A. Hall

414 Green St., 215-627-9831

A U G U S T 2 5 - A U G U S T 3 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

SYNESTHESIA

nights

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36 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

SAT., AUG. 27

UVOAGyP

@ Bookspace w/DJ HA, DJ Ruxbin.

Hedzup Productions and actualrecords.org are teaming up to bring you an educational and entertaining experience that will expand your mind and destroy everything you

G t i s <

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thought you knew about music, $5.

Q TOXIC W G t y > @ Barbary w/Dirty South Joe, Low Beezy.

A newly resurfaced dance party featuring a diverse mix of sweaty partygoers. Breath heavy and get a whiff of the sex in the air, free.

Q SNACKS W O t y ! @ Voyeur Nightclub w/Dave P, Adam Sparkles, Thomzilla. Hit up the downstairs Ruby Lounge for some hyperrad musical party experiences from the creators of Making Time, free.

FRI., AUG. 26 Q MIGHTY! M t y @ Silk City w/DJ Dirty and guests. D24K brings more heat to the dancefloor with house party vibes that’ll get you real proper, $10.

y ! > z P

Rock/Pop Techno Top 40/ Hip-hop/ R&B Trance World

Q PAGAN DISCO W

bOt

P @ Medusa Lounge w/Brenmar, Teamwerk DJs, Battleaxebaby, Kid Queasy/Bombé. NYC’s hot rising talent, Brenmar, lays down his slick future-thinking bass-oriented house sounds, free.

hb@ R.U.B.A. Hall w/Conscious Pilot, Optimist Prime, Sticky Data, Tagz vs. Stizzy, DJ Ha. SubAtomic presents a night of bass-filled beats for the minds that continue to push the boundaries of creative expression, free.

Q SUBCONSCIOUS 1

SAT., AUG. 27 Q FOURTH SATURDAYS M

t

@ Liberty Bar w/Linda Leigh and guests. It’s going down with guest

1 t ! @ Arts Garage w/Nigel Richards, Dan Trevitt, Deep C, Jamie Morris, Matt Cue, Meeshu, Pandemix, Peter Parker, Shane SixTen, Tantrum Tonic. This lineup of homegrown DJ talent wants you to further explore sensory perception with multi-faceted raving action for your mind and body to get down. Extra sound, video installation, art, performances and lots more will be presented alongside the thumping beats. The party goes to 3:30 a.m. so you have plenty of time to explore the dancefloor and all the festivities around you. Plus, summer’s about to end and you need to sweat your ass off as much as you can, $10.

DJs and good times all through the night, call for price.

t y @ Kung Fu Necktie w/DJ Dirty, Shawn Ryan. An ’80s dance party that takes you on a good-vibes time machine back to your favorite sounds of the past, free.

Q STEPPIN’ OUT M

Danophonic. Get your fill of halfpriced nachos, cheap margaritas and good vibes to jump your week off right, free.

SUN., AUG. 28 Q SUNDAE W e t @ Table 31 w/Lee Jones, Dirty and guests. This year the legendary Sundae is rockin’ by the Comcast Center with indoor and outdoor areas of sound, dancing and vibes, $5-$10.

✚ SEND DJ NIGHT TIPS AND LISTINGS TO GAIR79@

MON., AUG. 29 Q NACHO CITY W

More on:

citypaper.net C I T Y P A P E R . N E T. F O R

UVeGt

y @ Jose Pistola’s w/DJ Apt One,

EXTENDED CLUB LISTINGS, H I T C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / D J N I G H T S .

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Dykes are coming out of the woodwork this week, as the gay-oriented City of Brotherly Love Softball League (CBLSL) hosts the Amateur Sports Alliance of North America’s (ASANA) women’s softball tournament. It’s the first time the games have been played in Philadelphia, so organizers have put together a series of off-the-field shindigs geared toward showing these out-of-town gals how we gay it up in the 215.

FROM 7-MIDNIGHT!

the agenda

BRANDI FITZGERALD

Josh Middleton on the LGBTQ scene

$2 TACOS EVERY SUNDAY

the naked city | feature | a&e

[ the agenda ]

Bar AIDS Bar Crawl Thu., Aug. 25, 4 p.m.-1 a.m., starts at iCandy, 254 S. 12th St., 267-324-3500 ³ Score two homers with one softball at this introductory bar loop held in conjunction with the annual HIV org-benefiting Bar AIDS Philadelphia. Last year’s $10K rake-in should easily be surpassed with the swarm of guests making their way from iCandy to Sisters and all the gay pit stops in between.

Tailgate at Gay Day Fri., Aug. 26, 4-8 p.m., $25-$30, Citizens Bank Park, 1 Citizens Bank Way ³ All 863 tickets for the ninth annual Phillies Gay Community Night are sold out, but there’s room for everyone at the pre-game party in the parking lot. Join the gays in Lot F for truckloads of food, games and beer.

If you do it just right, you’ll be out cold before the first pitch anyway.

Carniball Street Festival Sat., Aug. 27, 2-8 p.m., free, 13th and Locust streets ³ CBLSL is teaming up with Philly Pride for this street party in the Gayborhood that organizer Bob Lenahan describes as a “mini-OutFest.” Get your kicks from food and drink vendor booths, makeshift dancefloors and a mechanical bull before the week’s three division winners are announced. Be sure to whoop it up for one of the 12 hometown teams — including the TOC Tailgaters, 5 O’Clock Somewhere and the Dirty Martinis (pictured). Go, teams! (josh.middleton@citypaper.net) For information on other ASANA events, including game schedules, visit bringthelove2011.com.

—K. Ross Hoffman Sun., Aug. 28, 8 p.m., $10, with Love Inks and Break It Up, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215-2914919, kungfunecktie.com.

MONDAY

8.29 [ reading/signing ]

✚ HOW TO KEEP YOUR VOLKSWAGEN ALIVE “Someone — your mother, your daughter, your friend — is a Volkswagen, and that Volkswagen needs care or love or repair.” So begins the instruction manual (a section titled “How to Use This Book”) within Christopher Boucher’s instruction manual-styled novel, inspired by the actual VW instruction manual written by John Muir in 1969. Got all that? How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive (Aug. 9, Melville House) is the story of a single father and his

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A U G U S T 2 5 - A U G U S T 3 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

fresh air, astounding given how thoroughly/slavishly/blatantly they’re recirculating the alt-rock atmosphere that was so endemic/ubiquitous/monochrome in the 1990s — grunge/ pop-punk/boilerplate indie — to the extent that their affiliation with Sub Pop feels almost whimsically nostalgic; astounding to realize how rare/rarefied those sounds have become (not for long, one senses), to feel so bracing. Sophomore set Endless Now is a touch more poppy, less punky and shoegazier/ gauzier/glazier than last year’s debut, but basically it’s another high-quality, high-gloss halfhour-and-change of burnished guitar-fuzz and joy. Score.

37

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MONDAY

Latin Night/Free Lessons On the Main Floor Mixed Music on The Roof

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Hip Hop on the Main Floor w/Strength Dance Competition/ Pole Dancing Oldies Music on The Roof

WEDNESDAY

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MY THO | Wing Phat Plaza, 1122 Washington Ave., 215-551-3300. Open daily, 9 a.m.-9 p.m. Soups, $6.75-$7.50; call for crawfish availability and prices. ³ IF THERE’S ONE thing that gets the appetite

SAUCED: The idiot author, as assisted by his beautiful and supportive girlfriend.

NEAL SANTOS

[ dinner with auggie ]

BOTTOM CHEF My tremendously amateur attempt at cooking Escoffier. By Drew Lazor

I

citypaper.net

>>> continued on page 42

41

wonder what Auguste Escoffier, king of chefs and chef of kings, would’ve thought about me shopping for ingredients at the Grays Ferry Avenue Pathmark at midnight on a Friday.

As I shuffled through each cold, abandoned aisle, loading up on butter, heavy cream, eggs, more butter and more heavy cream, I pictured the spectre of the indomitable French chef floating alongside my cart, pinching one corner of his snowy moustache and shaking his More on: head in disbelief. (In photos, Escoffier, who died in 1935, bears a noted follicular resemblance to celebrated character actor Sam Elliott.)

Why was I experiencing such strange supermarket hallucinations? Because I’d made the decision to cook a multi-course meal out of Le Guide Culinaire, the father of haute cuisine’s 108-year-old book that’s as close to a holy text as it gets in the culinary world. First published in 1903 and released in its latest unabridged English translation by Wiley in June, Le Guide is the Quran of the kitchen, the exhaustive encyclopedic standard to which all other cookbooks are held, consciously or not.

Naturally, it possesses a reputation for being impenetrable and often outright impossible to comprehend — or at least that’s what I’d been told by scads of chefs, all of whom used the book at some

point in culinary school and offered bemused empathy when I told them what I planned to do.

Le Guide contains more than 5,000 recipes of varying accessibility.

Some are shockingly cryptic. Here is the entire recipe for roast joints of beef in the English style: “These are cooked rather well done and are always served accompanied with Yorkshire pudding.” Thanks, bro. For others, Escoffier’s cerebral and idiosyncratic “instructions” are often nothing more than extemporaneous thoughts that make about as much sense as the Kill Bill analysis paper I wrote for a college film class. (The chef on poaching: “The most appropriate phrase to describe this process is boiling without actually boiling, if such an expression really makes sense.”) The sauce chapter is 40 pages long. There are more than 75 preparations MORE FOOD AND for potatoes alone. Everything is garnished DRINK COVERAGE with fried parsley. I’m pretty sure some of AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / the birds listed in the “Roasts of Furred and M E A LT I C K E T. Feathered Game” section are now extinct.

What the shit is a fig pecker?

“I wanted to create a useful tool rather than just a recipe book whilst leaving the reader free to decide on the way to carry out the work according to his own personal views,” Escoffier — I’ll now call him Auggie, as we’re boys — writes in his intro.

My personal view going in? I am unequivocally fucked. If pros find this book such a pain, how would an amateur such as myself fare?

I brought Le Guide to Peter Woolsey, chef/owner of Bistrot La Minette, figuring his Francophilic leanings would help me decode the man credited with everything from inventing the a la carte menu to developing the “brigade” system that’s still employed in

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going more than the theme song from Flashdance, it’s the theme song from Flashdance performed by lip-synching sylphs in glittering bodysuits. On Dancing with the Stars. In Vietnamese.

The show sparkled and blared like a Disney fireworks display on the flat-screen hanging on a high peach wall at My Tho, a soup-and-seafooder in Wing Phat Plaza. My purple-polo’ed server set a plate of sprouts, lime wedges, red romaine leaves, sliced jalapeños and Thai basil branches on the table as the resplendent dancers were winding down.

Judges awarded enthusiastic 9s and 10s for the Flashdance foxtrot. I wouldn’t be nearly as generous to My Tho’s soups. My Tho makes six styles, all laced with wispy glass noodles (hue tieu kho), tender egg noodles (mi kho) or a combination of the two. The noodles easily upstaged their unremarkable broths, adrift with medleys of chewy (in a good way) octopus, chewy (in a bad way) pork, chicken on the bone and shrimp on the tail. The broth of the bun bo Hue was another flatliner, its timid heat passive-aggressively ruining this royal soup’s incendiary reputation. Tough, overcooked belts of flank steak didn’t help.

Fortunately, the real reason to come to My Tho isn’t the soup. That distinction belongs to tom hum dat, dirt lobsters. In Texas, where you’ll find four other My Tho restaurants, and neighboring Louisiana, they’re known by their more recognizable names: crawfish, crayfish, crawdads, mudbugs.

The first Vietnamese-American crawfish joints sprung up around the Gulf when immigrants recast a local ingredient in their own style. Immigrant cooks boil crawdads with Cajun seasoning, potatoes and ears of corn, then circle back to the motherland by adding lemon grass and other native flavorings.

Ordered by the pound and served in a disposable aluminum dish, My Tho’s crawfish don’t come with corn or potatoes, but who would want them when each little curl of tail meat is this succulent?

I sat there bundling them with the pho accessories in the velvety lettuce leaves between sips of salted lemonade. It was slow going at first, but after a dozen or so, I mowed through them like pistachios. Soon, my nails were caked with Cajun spices, thumbs pierced with shell shrapnel. But I was so damn pleased, I didn’t even notice the noisy dancers overhead or my noodle soup growing cold. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

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[ food & drink ]

✚ Bottom Chef <<< continued from page 41

It tasted good. I was feeling a little cocky. I am an idiot.

[ the week in eats ]

✚ WHAT’S COOKING

kitchens today. After having a few laughs at my plight, he did me a true solid, identifying a number of dishes he felt I could accomplish with my very limited skill set.

My first would be crème choisy, cream of lettuce soup, followed by oeufs a la bordelaise, mushroom-stuffed fried tomato halves topped with fried eggs. (To anyone who thinks cavalierly tossing a fried egg on stuff is a contemporary diversion, you are wrong.) For my main, I settled on filet de sole aux moules, wine-poached fish served with mussels and sauce normande. And for dessert: peach Melba, which might be the one recipe Auggie’s associated with more than anything else.

I decided to knock out the soup Friday for Saturday’s sixperson dinner, which was precisely why Spectral Auggie and I were haunting Pathmark on the late-night tip. After maxing out my horrid math skills converting metric to imperial (the book does it for you but it’s less helpful than you might think) and massaging measurements to match my intended output, I got started on the base — nine (!) cups of béchamel, the “mother sauce” that basically consists of a thickening roux (flour and a shitload of clarified butter) mixed with milk and more butter. Auggie’s instructions suggested the sauce would take two hours, but a footnote clued me into a shortcut that whittled it down to just 20 minutes. Down went the dairy bomb into a pot of butterstewed lettuce and milk; after passing it through a sieve (Auggie loves sieves), it had the consistency of fluffy glue. It tasted good. I put it in the fridge. I was feeling a little cocky.

I am an idiot.

Thinking I could pull off both the egg and dessert courses with relative ease later in the evening (did I mention I am an idiot?), I decided to concentrate on my main the next morning. Ippolito’s was the spot for local fluke (subbing for the called-for sole), mussels and a couple fish carcasses the mongers were going to toss out anyway — needed those for the stock that’d serve as the base for the entrée’s ultra-rich sauce normande, flavored with mussel and mushroom liquors, egg yolks and more butter and heavy cream.

Here’s where Auggie really stuck it to me. That sauce ended up taking more time than anything else — reason being that the recipe, like many of Le Guide’s offerings, requires you to prepare multiple disparate elements before you can even start on what you actually want to cook. It’s like a warped culinary March Madness bracket — the sauce called for both fish stock and fish velouté (that’s stock plus roux), so I had to make the stock, then make a roux, then combine the stock with the roux to make the velouté before combining the stock with the velouté to make the sauce. Owww head. I pictured the Spectre of Auggie laughing maniacally from his hiding place behind the basmati rice in my dry storage.

He didn’t set it up this way to be a dick, though. Le Guide was written for professional kitchen reference, so he assumes the reader will have fish stock on hand, or at least a line cook ready to make it. However laborious it was — no word from Auggie on a good way to draw liquor out of mushrooms, so I ended up using a muddler and a sieve and bleeding scraps into a measuring cup — my sandy-colored

5 p.m., $58-$65 ³ In honor of Paul Gauguin’s tropical paradise-inspired art, Stephen Starr’s Granite Hill at the Art Museum is hosting a tiki cocktail dinner celebrating Polynesian culture. A lush buffet will feature roasted suckling Kona pig, citrus-infused butterfish satay, sweet and sour crispy tofu. And of course rum is the star in the many island-themed cocktails, like Mai Tais, Rum Swizzles and Flamingos. Granite Hill, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Benjamin Franklin Parkway, 215763-8100, philamuseum.org/granitehill.

>>> continued on page 44

—Nicole Rossi

Fourth Friday with Philadelphia Bee Company at Cookie Confidential Fri., Aug. 26, 7-10 p.m., free ³ Next

in her series of free fourth Friday events, Cookie Confidential owner Melissa Torre invites local beekeeper Don Shump (pictured) to join her in serving honey-based treats and drinks at the shop. Tasty variations using Shump’s Philadelphia Bee Company wildflower honey will include lemon coriander honey cookies, mini honey cupcakes and a special honey-infused alcoholic beverage. Cookie Confidential, 517 S. Fifth St., 215-922-4040, cookieconfidential.com.

Third Anniversary at Bistrot La Minette Wed.-Thu.,

Aug. 31-Sept. 1, 5:30-10:30 p.m., $30 ³ Bistrot La Minette celebrates its third birthday by offering a “thank-you” four-course menu available to meaty and meatless diners.

The plates include artichoke and porcini soup with seared foie gras; duck confit with duck breast prosciutto salad; a 6-ounce NY strip with chanterelles and bacon-wrapped haricot verts; savory Morbier bread pudding; and almond sponge cake or caramelized puff pastry for dessert. Threedollar drink and wine specials too. Bistrot La Minette, 623 S. Sixth St., 215-925-8000, bistrotlaminette.com.

Brunch at The Twisted Tail Saturdays and Sundays,

11 a.m.-5 p.m. ³ The Twisted Tail, the Southern-inspired bourbon house and music venue that opened late July in Headhouse Square, is now serving weekend brunch.

Morning fancies and afternoon delights include watermelon gazpacho, an assortment of frittata, pancakes and waffles, black and blue tacos, barbecue short ribs, twisted jambalaya, a shellfish bar and whiskey-infused desserts like spitfire peaches and drunken strawberry short cake. The Twisted Tail, 509 S. Second St., 215-5582471, thetwistedtail.com.

Tiki Cocktail Dinner at Granite Hill Fri., Aug. 26,

gracetavern.com

LIBERTY DELI

â&#x153;&#x161; Bottom Chef NEAL SANTOS

<<< continued from page 42

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sauce normande tasted tremendous.

I wish I could say the same for the crème choisy. Auggieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s recipe insisted I dump in additional heavy cream right before serving, so I did, even though I thought the soup tasted fine. Bad mistake â&#x20AC;&#x201D; everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chervil- and crouton-garnished bowls came back half-eaten at most. Way too heavy. Why did I not employ my â&#x20AC;&#x153;personal views,â&#x20AC;? goddammit? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Le suck,â&#x20AC;? the Spectre of Auggie intoned as he floated around my kitchen. I threatened him with a Dustbuster and he retreated to the coat closet.

The next course, the egg-topped tomatoes, was better, though I rushed the frying, rendering the tomato halves a strange consistency. The French-fried eggs â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that means you slide them, preseasoned, into oil, folding the white into the yolk like youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re enveloping a thank-you card â&#x20AC;&#x201D; came out quite well and I think Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll make fried eggs this way from here on out.

That sauce normande was definitely great â&#x20AC;&#x201D; earthy and fishy and the right consistency and everything â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but I screwed up the fluke and mussels it went over. The thin filets poached in their mussel liquor/white wine mixture finished in about half the time Auggie estimated, reducing a few to flaky, if tasty, crumbles. (I guess I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t properly boil without actually boiling.) The mussels sat for too long as I poached and went cold. All my friends and my incredibly supportive girlfriend were sweet about it, but I felt like a total douche serving such a mediocre main.

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why I would like to thank Auggie for inventing my sweet saving grace: peach Melba. The chef developed this recipe â&#x20AC;&#x201D; nothing more than peaches poached in simple syrup and vanilla, plus raspberry purĂŠe and vanilla ice cream â&#x20AC;&#x201D; for the opera singer Nellie Melba in the late 1800s. I did not arrange the fruit â&#x20AC;&#x153;in a timbale,â&#x20AC;? as Auggie instructed; I just dumped everything in crappy bowls I bought at a Vietnamese supermarket. Everyone loved it and I did too, as it is really hard to screw up.

The ups and downs of this meal really drove home that Le Guide should not be used as a â&#x20AC;&#x153;letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s have some people over for dinner tomorrowâ&#x20AC;? cookbook. It should be treated as what it is â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a historical document, but one that has relevance to anyone with patience and a deep interest in the precepts of cooking. I may never want cream of lettuce soup again, but that quick-and-easy fish stock was the best I ever made, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be immediately referencing the book next time I want to make any sort of sauce.

The Spectre of Auggie did not offer to help with the dishes. (drew.lazor@citypaper.net)

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Old City Loft for Rent, $1,400.

Call 609-214-0577.

Homes 4XX HOFFMAN (PENNSPORT AREA)

Newly Renovated Modern 2

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Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse!

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METROCLUB

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FLORIDA CONDO! Only $179,900! Similar unit sold for $477K Luxurious, new 1,700 sf 2BR, 2BA condo w/study in St. Augustine. Walk to clubhouse, 18-hole golf course, swim & fitness center, lighted tennis courts, 10-acre atheltic park, underground parking garage, more. Must see! Call now 1-866-952-5346 x82.

One Bedroom 1717 SOUTH 5TH STREET

Modern 1 Bedroom/1 Bath, Hardwood Floors, Tile Kitchen & Bath, Deck, Fridge, Easy Parking, $650/Month, Call Pete: 267-307-0371

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FABULOUS, Huge 1BR, Hardwood floors, new kitchen and bath, intercom and Laundry.

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New Mattress Sets $99, Twin, Full or Queen. Delivery avail, 215-307-1950

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merchandise market

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A U G U S T 2 5 - A U G U S T 3 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

Desktops/Laptops & Repairs/ Upgrades net ready. Incl MS Ofc, $175 215.292.4145

Arcade video games pinball machine jukebox. Trade for printing or new windows tntquality@aol.com 215.783.0823 BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.50 sf (215)365-5826 CABINETS GLAZED CHERRY Brand new, solid wood/dovetail. Crown molding. Can add or subtract to fit kitchen Cost $6400. Sell $1595. 610-952-0033 Grass Fed Beef Packages, 1/4 beef: $725, 1/2 beef: $1259. Call (717)5156160 email: beef@swissvillaLLC.com

BD MATTRESS Luxury Firm w/box sprIng Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399. 610-952-0033 BDRM SET: Solid Cherry Sleigh Bed, Dresser, Mirror, Chest, & 2 Nite Stands.

High Quality. One month old, Must sell.

Cost $6000 ask. $1500. 610-952-0033 BED A brand new Queen pillow top mattress set w/warr. $229; Full $220; King $299. Memory Foam $295. 215-752-0911

BED: Brand New Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set w/warr, In plastic. $175; Twin $140; 3 pc King $265; Full set $155.

Memory foams avl. Del. avl 215-355-3878 Bedroom Set brand new queen 5 pc esp. brown $489. Del Avail 215-355-3878

SOLID Mahogany Reproductions King 4 Poster Bed $2400. Highboy 6 Dove Tailed Drawers with Writing Desk, Queen Anne Legs $400. Kneehole Desk, 7 Dove Tailed Drawers $400. Twin 4 Poster Beds $400.

Call 215-844-4951

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $

(2) Eagles Season Tickets: 8 games, Sec 132. Row 24. $2950. 609-685-2100

BUYING EAGLES SBL’s WANTED - CASH PD

CALL 215-669-1924 PIANO: Mason & Hamlin Studio Grand, 2007, A92652. 5 ft 8 in., black satin finish, includes stool. Moving, must sell! $22,500. Call 609-941-1758

Hot Tub 2011 6 person, 7ft. w/lounger 30 jets, waterfall, LED color lights. Factory warranty and cover. Still in wrapper.

Cost $8000; Sell $3695. 610-952-0033

Douglas Fir Christmas Trees, 8-10 ft, $14-$16. 570-854-3631 Columbia County

EAGLES @ BILLS: 10/7 - 10/9 Bus, Tix, Hotel, Tour, Tailgate $349 pp/quad, 267-597-8174, lv msg

EAGLES TICKETS for sale, uppers, lowers & hot ones, individual games or full season books available. Books come with playoff rights. (310)667-0083 PHILLIES Tickets for sale, in field boxes only. Individual games or packages available. Uppers & Lowers for all postseason games. (310)667-0083

WANTED: EAGLES SEASON TICKETS. Top $ paid. Call 800-786-8425

pets/livestock Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

AMERICAN BULLDOG pups, NKC/UKC, Parents on site, $1,000. 610-551-2673 American Pit Bull terrier pups, 3M, 2F, red/red nose, UKC/ADBA reg., 100% Camelot Bloodlines, $500. (215)681-1855 Border Collie 4Male, ABCA reg. vet checked, ready 9/2. $700. 610-858-3569 Border Collie Puppies, male and female, family raised, $500. Call 610-476-6134 Boxer AKC boxer babies home raised (not a kennel) w/both parents 7172786190 CAVALIER KING CHARLES SPANIEL PUPS ACA, blenhiem color, vet checked, health cert., family raised, $750. (717)354-4844 Cavalier King Charles Spaniels Pups, Retired Adults & Rescues, New Litters Avail, $800-$1500, 215-538-2179 Chihuahua pups, home raised, shots, wormed, adorable males, 484-868-8450 CHOCOLATE LABS, AKC Pups, home raised, shots, vet checked. 717-821-2287 COCKAPOO Pups - 10 wks, vet checked, shots, wormed, M & F, 215-989-1506 COLLIES - good w/ kids, vet exams, AKC beauties. SW, Blue, Tri, 856-825-4856

English Bulldog male, ACA, 6 mo. old, health certified, excellent disposition, very pretty, $1450/obo. Call (717)629-8137 English Bulldogs Pups, 4 male, 3 female, out of 40 generations of champions, $2000-2500. 609-440-5153; 856-697-5305 ENGLISH MASTIFF PUPS, AKC registed, shots, farm raised. $650.

Call (717)989-5620 or (717)786-2493

GERMAN SHEPHERD PUPPIES - AKC, champ bloodlne,show & pet 610.547.6681 German Shepherd Pups - AKC, lg boned, champ sired, F, ready 8/27. 609.351.3205

GERMAN SHEPHERD PUPS - Parents on premises, $250/ea. 410-658-3473 German Shep Pups: ACA, s/w, nice guard dog,nice markings $395 717.442.5261 Golden Doodle Pups - F2B, Adorable, Vet chkd, shots & wormed. Family raised. $800. Rdy 8/21, 717.927.9483/968.8475 Golden Retriever pups, AKC, family farm raised, w/children, vet/shots/wormed, ready 8/20. $500. (610)370-7597

GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPS - AKC, shots, wormed, vet checked, family raised, ready to go 8/31/11, $600, 610-286-0062

Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-689-8476

GOLD KRUGERRAND - 1 oz. coin, $1750/ea. 610-529-6823 ask for Mickey

GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPS - AKC, vet checked, shots, wormed, ready 8/15, Males: $550, Fem: $600, 717-442-8583 HAVANESE Pups, AKC, non allergic, 4M, 3F, ready for new homes 302-492-3216 Irish Setter pups, AKC, vet chkd, shots, parents our pets, $500+. (302)328-1720 LAB PUPS - AKC, choc., beautiful, raised w/TLC,$500 484.494.1302/215.490.3245 Lab Pups, AKC, s/w, home raised, health guar. 610-944-3609 or 610-506-7109 Lab pups, black & yellow, all male, 610-804-7234 www.cedarcreekfarm.org LABRADOODLES, MINI - cute, friendly, raised around children, health certificate, See pics at greenfieldpuppies.com $850, Call 717-721-3295 Labrador Retriever AKC pups, black & choc, friendly pets $200 717-587-2425 Labrador Retriever Pups AKC Choc M/F 1st shots $600. 856-697-3073 LAB (Silver) pups, AKC, family raised, shots, wormed, $700. 609-352-6102 Malshi & Maltipoo puppies, 2 year health guarantee, $525+ (610)913-0393 Maltese/Chin hybrid - Tiny, Tiny, 9 lbs, 9 wks, great companion! 609-522-4435 MALTESE Pups, 2 Males, AKC, healthy, ready now, call 215-519-6591 Maltipoo-Pom, 11 weeks, vet checked, 1st shot, wormed. (215)384-4063 NEAPOLITAN MASTIFF pups, 8 wks old, shots, papers, 215-882-4270 Pekingese Puppies M & F Beautiful Babies, available NOW $350, 267-243-9526.

Trains, Hummels, Sports Cards. Call the Local Higher Buyer, 7 Dys/Wk

Dr. Sonnheim, 856-981-3397

Diabetic Testing Strips! CASH Today!!!

On the spot! For your extra 267-710-8070 Diabetic Test Strips! $$ Cash Paid $$ Local pick-up, Call Martin 856-882-9015 DIABETIC TEST STRIPS & NICOTENE PATCHES/GUM. BUYING. Highest Prices. for pickup Call 215-525-5022 JUNK CARS WANTED Up to $250 for Junk Cars 215-888-8662 Lionel/Am Flyer/Trains/Hot Whls $$$$ Aurora TJet/AFX Toy Cars 215-396-1903

jobs

** Bob 610-532-9408 **

COOK needed to live-in single or couple, South Jersey, experience necessary, legal to work. Call 732-230-2580 Housekeeper, etc, PT-FT, 5 yrs exp, 3 refs, bkgd chk, Overbrook, 215-290-2100

Pitbull & English Bulldog Mix, 11 weeks, $250. Young adult blues, $100. Red nose, 5 mo., 1 M, 1 F, $50. 215-254-0562

Pomeranian pups, ACA, 9 weeks, parti, 2F, 1M, $500. Call (856)759-3384

POODLES, Standard, AKC, ch. bldlns, 1st shots, vet checked, $875, 717-392-3436

PUGGLES - Adorable! Waiting for a loving home! Guranteed to bring you hours of fun and companionship. Health certified, pictures available, $250, 570-345-2529

ROTTWEILER PUPS - Purebred, 1 M, 3 F, tails docked,s/w,$400 cash 717.513.7842 SHIH TZU PUPPIES, with papers, 3 males, $400. Call (215)820-1171 lv msg.

SHIH TZU Pups - ACA, shots, wormed, vet checked. $400. 717-813-1580

Manager: Home Healthcare for Elderly Woman Mainline Area

Fulltime caring, compassionate individual is sought by family to supervise all homecare services and activities of daily living for 90-year-old woman. Manage 5 person caregiving staff. Organize medications and interface with physicians. Manage calendar and accompany to appointments, including medical, personal and social. Plan, shop for, and prepare all meals.

Communicate regularly with family regarding woman’s wellbeing. Direct personal care and companionship, including hygiene care. Apply ONLY if you have had at least 5 years of eldercare experience as a professional (not caring for a family member), supervision experience, cooking skills and a driver’s license with a good record.

Nursing or geriatric social work experience is a plus but not a requirement. Main Line, PA location - 5 days a week and as needed for fill in health insurance, competitive salary.

Fax 610-471-0735 healthcareformom@gmail.com

Shorkie-Tzu Pups,papers starting $350, financing avl, cash discount 484.955.6378 YORKIE PUPPIES: home raised, AKC reg.

Starting at $650, 215-490-2243 YORKIE PUPS, Fem, gorgeous teddy bear faces, AKC, shots, $975, 215-824-3541

personals

Coins, Currency, Gold, Toys,

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ REALLY PAID

everything pets COTON DE TULEAR PUPPIES: Adorable, Home bred, non-allergetic/shedding, 215-840-0101; www.looeycoton.com

* * * 215-200-0902 * * *

SAXOPHONES, WWII, SWORDS, related items, Lenny3619@aol 609.581.8290

AIDE to care for elderly woman Exp. & Ref. req’d. 215-676-3223 Caregiver/Companion seeks job as livein or live-out. Exp’d, 267-756-3964

DRUMMER needed for wedding band with connections, call 267-357-3567

apartment marketplace

Society Hill Towers Studio $1225/mo River view,cable, gar, pool, 215-922-2800

15xx 9th St . Large apt, 2nd flr, incl heat, no pets, 856.858.4830 or 856.430.2900 28xx Wharton 2 BR $625 newly renovated, 1st florr. 215-582-8686

1100 S 58th St. Studio, 1br & 2br apts newly renov, lic #362013 267-767-6959 13xx S. 51st St. 1 BR $550+ utils new reno,2mo rent,1mo sec,267.254.3092 2113 S. 65th St 2 BR $800/mo spacious apt, incl all utils, 215-280-0794 54th & Ridgewood Effic. utils included Deluxe apts, everything new,267.997.5181 62xx Dickens Ave 1Br $550+utils 1st + last + 1 mo security. (215)356-2256 69th & Woodland 1 BR $650 1st flr, new renov, must see 215.868.8507

18xx N 57th St 1 BR & Effic $650 & $500 newly renov, must see! 610-680-8294

423 N. 63rd Furn Efficiency $550+utils newly renov, 3rd flr, a/c (215)747-5097 540 N. 52nd St. 1 BR Newly renov. 267-767-6959 lic# 333911 Walnut St 1br $550+utils 2br $695+utils renovated, 215-471-1365; 215-663-0128

Golf View Apts nw carpets 1br/1ba $725 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900 Various 1, 2 & 3 BR Apts $625-$850 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

Balwynne Park 2 BR $840+ W/D, C/A, W/W, Garage. 484-351-8633

52nd & Montgomery nice 2Br $750+utils 2 mo security+1 mo rent. (484)278-4025

18xx Venango 1 BR $500+utils near Temple Hospital, 267-339-1662 34xx W Allegheney 1br $550+utils modern apt, 1st, last & sec 267-254-3092 36xx Old York Rd. 2 BR $590 1st flr, 1st/2nd/1 mo sec., 267-255-1895

8th & Allegheny 2Br $750 all utils incl new renov, hdwd flrs, exposed brick bedroom, 1st/last/sec. 267-304-0887

1, 2, 3, 4 Bedroom FURNISHED APTS LAUNDRY - PARKING 215-223-7000

45xx Old York Rd lg 2 BR, $625+utils 1st/last & sec,$1875 move in 215.791.2125 51xx Camac St. 2 BR $650 Camac Gardens Apartments 1st mo. rent 1/2 off! 215-839-3268

221 E. Robat 1 Large br $600+utils 1st & 2nd flr, close to trans 215-456-0972 60XX Warnock 1 BR $595+ near Fernrock Train Station,215-276-8534 Residential Life: Studio, 1Br & 2Br apts Spacious & Bright Apts near LaSalle Univ.

Regional Leasing Office-5600 Ogontz Ave Call or Come in M-F 9a-5p 215.276.5600 Section 8, Students & Seniors Welcome.

306 E. Sanger 1br $550+utils 1st flr, 2mo sec + 1mo rent 215-276-3687

172 W Manheim Studio $525+ Lrg 1br $625+. $800 move-in, 215-317-3785

2xx Rosemary Lane 2BR $850+ elec hardwood floors, Call (215)849-8390 63xx Gardenia 1 BR $630+ utils w/d, fridge, $1360 move in, 610.675.7586 75xx Thouron 1 BR $700 remodeled,Sec. 8 welcome, 856.988.6521 79xx Gilbert St 2br Duplex $715+utils w/w carpet, 1st & 2nd flr, near transp, schools & supermarket. 610-513-9398

Mt. Airy 1 BR $625-$675+ utils recently renovated, call 215-341-6874

2217 E. Cumberland studio & 2 BR Newly renov. 267-767-6959 lic# 356258

35xx RYAN AVE 1br 2nd flr $650+ Cottman & Frankford Vic. 267-736-9862 3xx E. Roosevelt Blvd 2 BR $650+ utils 2nd fl, Sec8 ok,call for appt, 215.476.2526 47xx Leiper St 1BR $635+utils 1st fl, spacious apt, yd, prch,267.591.5296

5xx E. Tabor 2 BR $600+utils 70xx Risingsun 1 BR $500 2 BR $650 Call 215-725-7079 Bustleton & Tomlinson 2BR $650-$750 +utils, W/D, pets ok. Call 267-338-6696 Byberry Road 2Br $875+ 1st flr, Central Air, hdwd flrs, appliances, fenced yard, near R3 train. 267-307-3560 Castor & Devereaux 1Br $675 beautiful completely rehab 215-820-5788

Mayfair 1 BR, 2nd flr $650+ utils washer/dryer, no pets, 215-946-7079 Mayfair 4318 Princeton 1 BR $540+util credit check, parking, 215-498-1807 Oxford Circle lrg 2Br $750+utils recently renov., new kitchen, S/S appliances, attached garage. 267-266-6003 Philmont 2 BR duplex, 2nd flr $820+ C/A, bsmnt, yard, garage, (215)752-1091

WARMINSTER Lg 1-2-3 BR Sect. 8 OK Great Move-in Specials!!

Pets & smoking ok. We work with credit problems. Other unit sizes available.

Call for Details: 215-443-9500

67 Owen Ave 2BR $765 pls heat LR/DR/Kit - 3rd Flr - Avail asap 267-259-4172 cm471@yahoo.com

Lower Merion 2br $930+utils beautiful apt, garage, d/w, w/d, xtra storage, convenient commute 610-613-4359

East Olney furn 2rms & ba. semi pvt entr $120wk. $360 move in. 215-329-1181

12th/Erie, furn, fridge, micro, no drugs, $90wk, $270 sec dep (609) 703-4266 18xx W. Ontario St. - shared kitch, clean environment, $400/mo, 215-287-2424 22nd & Dauphin *lrg new cheap rooms for rent* $250-$400/mo (267)471-8171

A1 Nice, well maintained rms, N & W Phila. Starting @ $115/wk 610-667-0101 BROAD & LEHIGH - Fully Furn rooms for rent, quiet block, Call 215-360-5533 Broad & Olney deluxe furn rms priv ent. $110 & $145/wk Sec $200. 215-572-8833 BROAD St: Move in Special $190, Large cln furnished rms,w/w crpt,215-681-3896 Frankford, room in apt, furn, no drugs, near El, $85/wk+ $300 sec. 215-526-1455 Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (215)548-6083 Germantown - LARGE Rooms for Rent.

Please Call (215)548-4629; 8am til 6pm.

Germantown/Lehigh, room, $80/wk, prvt entr, share kitch & BA, 267-939-2351 Hunting Park: Fully Furn Luxury Rooms.

Free utils/cable, Avail now, 267-331-5382 Lansdowne $125/wk utils & cable incl, use of house, no smoking 484-469-0753 Mt Airy: Rooms w/private bath 215-801-0215 N Broad; 26th/C. B. Moore, remod furn, utils inc, $400-$450/mo, 267-978-1487 NE PHILADELPHIA kitchen & utils incld, $125/wk.+ $125 deposit. 215-501-0771 NORTH PHILA $85-$90/week, Cable ready, no cook facility 910-305-4971 N. PHILA. $100/wk 16th & Susquehanna newly renovated rooms. Mt. Airy Chew & Montana St. Call 267-736-8375 N. Phila: clean, modern rms, use of kit, no drugs,reasonable rent.215.232.2268 N Phila furnished room, $100/wk. $400 to move in. Call (215)221-4737 N Phila Furn, Priv Ent $75 & up, SSI & Vets ok, nr trans. Avl immed 215.763.5565 N. PHILA: Including gas, elec, W/D, crpt, $90/wk. dep req’d. 267-342-1226 N. Phila. Temple Hospital Area, private bath, kitch avail. $125/wk. 267-972-6716 N Phila/W Phila/Logan,pvt ent,$75-$110 wk, pvt BA/kit, $140 wk 609-877-0375 South Phila: $125/week, 1st Week Free!

Furnished, Utilities Included Call 267-600-2887

homes for rent 16xx S. Ringgold 3Br/1Ba $850 totally refinished, Sec 8 OK 610-368-7778 18xx S. 5th St. lg 3 BR bi-lvl $950 modern kitch/BA, Sec 8 ok, 215.748.3076 2012 MERCY 3br/1ba $750 Totally redone, all new top to bottom, nice backyard. Call (610)348-6717 20xx Sigel St. 3 BR $725 Section 8 ok, please call 267-455-3273 POINT BREEZE 4BR/1BA $800 23xx Greenwich. Back patio, 3BRs upstairs, 1 BR dwnstrs. 1070 sqft. New HVAC/heater. Remote control A/C. 215-228-1060

16xx S. Conestoga lrg 3Br $775+utils open front porch, great street, rear yard, "The Landlord That Cares" Tasha 267.584.5964, Mark 610.764.9739 56xx Cedar Ave 4Br/1Ba $1200 Call (215)850-2524 9am-7pm 5XX E WILLARD, 3 br, new paint, bsmt Avail. 9/1, $650+ mo. 267 645 9421 60xx Reinhard St. 3 BR frnt prch & bk yd, Sec 8 ok. 215.356.2434 65xx Regent St. 3 BR $725+ utils backyard, washer, Call 215-964-4113

1661 Robinson St 3BR $725 NO DRUGS! 267-259-0430 17xx N 53rd.

3 BR/1 BA $700 large rooms, avail now (215)601-5182 17xx N 59th St. 3 BR $835 2 mo rent,1 mo sec, gd refs, 215.748.4059 2xx N. EDGEWOOD St. 3BR/1BA $750 newly remod, w/w carpet 215.989.1225 5404 Delancey 2BR $700+ utils good cond, 1st/last & sec, 267-968-6131 57xx Delancey 3 BR $700+utils renovated, near transport. 267-574-6591 59xx Pine St. 4 BR $1500 (Sec 8 ok) newly renov, w/d, d/w, c/a, 215.605.8747

12xx Myrtlewood St 2br/1ba $650+utils updated, available now, 215-601-5182 24xx North 18th St. 4BR/1.5BA $1350 Newly renovated house features kitch w/ cherrywood cabinetry incl refrigerator, gas stove, dishwasher, microwave & garbage disposal. Central air & heat. Carpeted w/attractive tile. All connections in place. onilne ad. Call (215) 840-5827.

25xx N 15th St 5 BR Section 8 ok lg liv. rm & bsmnt, nr trans, 215-910-9549 3015 N. Bonsall St. 2Br Newly renov modern kit & bath, w/w cpt. 215.460.2387 Brewerytown 3Br/1.5Ba $1050 newly renov., hdwd flrs, big backyard, 1st/last/security. Call 267-304-0887 Strawberry Mansion 2 BR house $650 Also, 1 BR apt 2nd floor $650 1st/last & 1 mo. security. 215-253-0020

44XX N. Orianna St. 3BR/1BA $750/mo $2250 to move in.

Call 610-202-0313

50xx N. Sydenham 3 BR/1.5 BA $1000 near Temple & Lasalle, 215-620-4708

Port Richmond 4BR/2BA $1200 fin. bsmt., across from pk 484.300.9699

20xx E Madison St 4BR 1BA Sec 8 no pets yd prch oil 215-335-3615 7xx E Allegheny large 2br/1.5ba $700+ 215-836-1960 HOMES FOR RENT 3BR/1.5BA From $675 19120 and 19134. Call Bill 307-413-6766

YUKON DENALI V8 2005 $18,000 70k mi,ex cond,runs great, 267.304.6652

Elantra SE 2009 $12,500 4 door, 5k orig mi, balance factory warranty excellent condition, 267-975-0519

Wrangler 2002 $10,000/obo 50K, AC, 6cyl, 4x4, exc cond215.370.7526 53xx Harbison small 2 BR nice neighborhood, 267-307-6964

$650

4742 Loring St. 3 BR completely renov, Sec 8 ok, 917-667-4101 49xx Knorr St. 4br/1ba $795+utils rear yard, no pets, EIK. Call 215-343-7490 50xx Ditman 4 BR Section 8 approved, 215-205-9910

CLS 500 2006 $17,300 Only 23,400 miles, fully loaded, clear title, no accidents. Call 210-209-9259 GLK350 2011 $28,900 2WD, 9800 miles, V6, showroom cond., white, tan int. (610)348-0823

Castor Gardens Big 3BR/1.5BA $900+ garage, basement, no pets, 215-750-3612 Winnebago 48ft 1989 $10,500/obo tan, 54k mi., good cond, 856-547-2620 BENSALEM 4 BR/2.5 BA $1000 w/w carpet, w/d, large rear yard, no pets, 2 mo rent, 1 mo sec., call 443-786-2672

Unionville area 1 BR $975+ utils stone cottage w/ frplc in secluded country setting, conv. to golf, polo, Cheshire Hunt, new Bolton Center & Rt. 1. Ideal for single, pets welcome. Fax inquiries: 717.258.9759

Monte Carlo ’10: 40’, 4 slides, 2br, $28k /bo, w/d, c. ht/air, extras 610.470.7039

FORD Thunderbird 1964 $10,900 3.90 engine, 78k miles, original A/C, all power, call 856-783-2254

JUNK CARS & TRUCKS

Collingdale 3Br/1Ba $1200/mo 9xx Spruce St., finished basement, detached 2 car garage. rent to own, 100% owner financing. (610)550-1212 MEDIA 2 BR $900 heat incl conv loc,new cpt,fresh paint 610.505.9109

$200 Cash & Up (267)241-3041

Junk Cars & Trucks Wanted, $400, Call 856-365-2021

JUNK CARS WANTED 24/7 REMOVAL. Call 267-377-3088

Upper Darby 3-4 BR $1050+ utils corner row,fin bsmnt,ex con,610.284.5631

Wanted: Motorhome, Class C, must be clean and newer, 215-694-6969

MT. EPHRAIM 2 BR $1395 Liv,Din, Kit, Fin Bsmt, w/d, yd, shed. some utils, 3 season rm, avail now 856.546.6114

HARLEY FLHTPI 2003 $9500 obo 30k,Police bike,many xtras, 610.566.4446

low cost cars & trucks Buick Century Sedan 1998 $3995 garage kept, low miles 610-388-7993 Buick Road Master S/W 1991 $950 all powers, insp, runs exc. 215-620-9383 CHEVY BLAZER LS 1998 $1650 4WD, all pwr, 112k,runs new 215.620.9383 Chevy Lumina 1991 $950 auto, cold a/c, new insp. 215-620-9383 Chevy Lumina 2001 $4350 garage kept, like new, 610-420-8954 CHEVY Monte Carlo SS 2002 $2650 3.8, lthr, moonroof, wing, (267)592-0448 Chevy Silverado ext cab 1992 $4900 encl. bed, very gd cond, well maint., 350 cu. in. 300HP, classic looks 484.412.8636 CHRYSLER Sebring 2006 $4800 50k mi, 4 dr, 4 cyl, clean, 215-850-5702 Dodge Grand Caravan SE 2003 $4950 x-cln, 1 own, new insp/tires 215.601.6665 DODGE Intrepid 2000 $1800 runs great, needs work, 267-738-3713 Ford Aerostar XLT 1995 asking $1450 7 pass., loaded, clean, CD. 215-518-8808 FORD E-250 Cargo Van 1998 $2200 149k miles, ladder racks, 856-577-6463

Ford Taurus 2003 $3700 80k mi., like new, all powr 856-296-4484 FORD Taurus LX 1999 $1750 auto, a/c, CD,67k, runs new 215.620.9383 FORD Taurus SES 2001 $2275 loaded, alarm, A/C, clean (267)592-0448 Ford Windstar GL 1998 $1750 7 pass, loaded, runs great. 215-518-8808 FORD Windstar LX 2002 $3990 80k mi, xx clean, 215-432-4580 Honda CRV EX 4WD 1999 $4,990 139K, dawei9@yahoo.com or215.654.1485 Hyundai Elantra GLS 2003 $3995 auto, loaded, gorgeous. (610)524-8835 MERCURY Villager 2000 $1995 blue, loaded, clean, 267-592-0448 Nissan Maxima 1992 $2,950 V6, low mi, 87K, exc cond. 267.210.8628 Olds Cutlass Cruiser SL S/W 1995 $1350 all powers, 79K, runs exc. 215-620-9383 RECESSION SPECIALS!!!

Olds Intrigue ’98rims,CD, flawless$2222 Lumina ’01 insp, CD, 100%, 180k $1599 Impala ’01 CD/sys, 100%, ins, 119k $1799 Intrepid ’01 CD, AC, cln in/out, 163k$1599 All below KBB, wont last (215)520-7890

55

Rex & Crefield 2Br furnished $2900 Dramatic bi-level apartment, 2 story palladian window, 2500 sq. ft., hardwood floors, architectural details throughout. All utilities included in rent + off street parking. Unfurnished, $2500. (215)869-8015

3500 Frankford Ave 2br $550 Sec 8 bsmt brkf bar no pets 215.335.3615 4821 Griscom St. 1 BR $565 heat incl, $1130 move in, 267-255-6322 Margaret St. 1 BR $695+ utils beautiful, newly remodeled, 215-526-1455

3130 N. 22nd St. lg furnished room, kitch & utils inc., $100/wk, 267-235-1166 41xx Old York Rd., lg furn rms, nwly ren, w/w $85-$100/wk, must see 215-552-5200 45th & Lancaster; 63rd & Market; 52nd & Race;29th & Cumberland. 215.290.8702 49th & Haverford, newly renovated rooms, $100-$150/wk, includes utilities, use of kitchen, beautiful house, great location, no drugs. Call (484)431-3670 53xx Girard Ave: Large clean rooms $90-$110/week. Call (215)917-1091 53xx N. Broad 1 BR furn, full kit, AC, 2 TVs, etc. 267.496.6448 54th & Catharine: lrg, clean, furnished, $500. Free utils & laundry. 215-528-1058 55th/Thompson furn $115 wk frig micro priv ent $200 security 215-572-8833 56th & Locust: rooms, 450/mo., kitchen privelages must see 484.231.1509 56xx Warrington Ave,cln & quiet,no drugs, $200/bi-wkly, $400/mo 215-668-3591 5743 Cedar: LOOK nice rooms for rent, w/access to entire house 215-821-5646 63rd & Callowhill - furnished, A/C, cable, laundry, $90/wk, 215-779-5806 652 Brooklyn, $125 week. $375 to move in. Furn w/refrige, no kitch 215-781-8049 7xx S 52nd St., 4 RM’s for rent, 1BA, $100WK, min. from center city, close to Penn/Drexel. 267-271-1126.

W Sharpnack St. 4br/1ba Section 8 ok yard, front porch. 215-740-4629

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A U G U S T 2 5 - A U G U S T 3 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

1 BR & 2 BR Apts $705-$835 spacious, great loc., upgraded, heat incl, PHA vouchers accepted 215-966-9371 2xx Manheim St. lg 2 BR $700+ utils 2nd flr, 3 mos. to move in, 215-783-4736 50XX New Hall St Large By level apt utils. Sect 8 welcome, other apt/house Available ranging from $650-$850. 215341-1243 5220 Wayne Ave. Studio, 1 BR & 2 BR newly rehab, 267.767.6959, Lic# 507568 607 E. Church Lane 1 BR apt nr LaSalle Univ,267.767.6959 lic# 494336 GERMANTOWN 1br $625 utilities included. 267-581-9656 Germantown Studio & 1 BR $650-$700 utils incl, modern, quiet neighborhood, close to transporation. (215)740-0309 The Fieldview Apts: 705-15 Church Ln Comfortable Living- Historic Germantown 1br $750, 2br $850 Gas,Water,Heat Free Close to Septa,Grocery,Eatery & LaSalle U. Call for appt. 215-276-5600 M-F 9-5 Wayne Junction Studio $525/mo util inc pvt kit & ba $1000 mv in 215-416-6538

35xx Kensington Ave 1 BR $475 incl heat large, newly painted, clean 215-327-2292

2xx E Walnut Ln, nice lrg rms w/ wood floors, $100/wk & up (267)912-9644

SW, N, W Move-in Special! $60-$115/wk room sharing avail, SSI ok (215)220-8877 SW Phila - Elmwood, nice room, use of entire house. 267-972-7242 after 5pm SW PHILA furn rooms for rent, w/d $350-$400/ mo incl utils. 215-806-7078 SW Phila: Rooms, $90-$120/wk, private fridge & microwave incl, 610-717-2450 University City: Nice rooms for rent, Also Apts. Call Mrs. Savage 267-581-5870 W Phila & G-town: newly ren lg, lux rms /apts., ALL utils incl, SSI ok 267.577.6665 W Phila - medium clean room, priv entrance, near good trans, 215-494-8794

classifieds

13xx W Allegheny 2BR $625+util Newly renovated, carpet 215-221-6542 15xx Thompson St2 BR $750 Cozy on award winning block of home owners, tastefully renovated, convenient transportation, close to main campus, secure, w/w, modern open kitchen.

Call 215-242-1204 or 267-250-9822 15xx W. Tioga lg 2 BR $725 util incl newly reno, 1st fl, must see, 215.552.5200

2xx W. Grange 3 BR/1.5 BA $745+ utils, beautiful apt, yard, 215-805-6455 6801 N. 17th St. 1BR $600+ $800 Move in Special, 215-317-3785 68xx Forrest 2 BR $660+ utils Avail Immediately! Clean, quiet, family church area. 1st/last & sec. 215-779-0871 East Oaklane 2Br $750+utils Germantown 1Br $575+elec Properties won’t last! Call (215)783-3418 EAST OAKLANE Studio $450+ utils modern, quiet neighborhood, close to Center City, call 215-740-0309

22nd & Hunting Park, renov, lrg rm, furn $85-$95 wk 2nd week free 215.960.1600 23xx N. 17th St, room, use of kitch/ba, $90/wk, 215-651-6564 2500 W Lehigh, Studio, pvt BA, Ent & Kit $135/wk, $405 mv in, 267.250.0761 27xx N. Oxford St, 29th & Lehigh, newly renovated, shared kitchen & bath, $90$100/week, 267-816-3058 28xx N 27th St.: Furnished room, utils included, $100/wk, SSI ok, 267-819-5683

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