Philadelphia City Paper, January 19th, 2012 by Philadelphia City Paper

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LEARN to keep more of what you earn! Tax Preparation & Planning File now • Pay later E-file your Federal, State & Phila. BPT returns

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cpstaff We made this

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Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Samantha Melamed Web Editor/Food Editor Drew Lazor Associate Editor/Movies Editor Josh Middleton Senior Writer Isaiah Thompson Staff Writer Daniel Denvir Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Anthony Campisi, Ryan Carey, Mark Cofta, Felicia D’Ambrosio, Jesse Delaney, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Cindy Fuchs, K. Ross Hoffman, Brian Howard, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Cassie Owens, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Robin Rice, Lee Stabert, Andrew Thompson, Tom Tomorrow, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Bruce Walsh, Julia West, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Beth Boyle, Chris Brown, James Friel, Michael Gold, Al Harris, Katie Linton, Abigail Minor, Courtney Sexton, Alexandra Weiss, Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Editorial Designer Alyssa Grenning Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designer Matt Egger Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Office Manager/Sales Coordinator/Financial Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Advertising Director Eileen Pursley (ext. 257) Senior Account Managers Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Kevin Gallagher (ext. 250), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Chris Scartelli (ext. 215), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Marketing/Online Coordinator Jennifer Francano (ext. 252) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel citypaper.net 123 Chestnut Street, Third Floor, Phila., PA 19106. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-7358444 ext. 241, Letters to the Editor editorial@citypaper.net, Listings Fax 215-8751800, Classified Ads 215-248-CITY, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright © 2012, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public.

contents Lock, stock and Darrell

Naked City ...................................................................................6 This Modern World.................................................................9 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................20 The Agenda ..............................................................................30 Food & Drink ...........................................................................37 COVER ILLUSTRATION BY JOEL KIMMEL DESIGN BY ALYSSA GRENNING

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naked

the thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 1] Tony Luke drops 100 pounds in a year

thanks to exercise and a meal-replacement weight-loss system.“Step one was replacing the food I make with anything else in the world,” he explains.

[ - 5]

About 88,000 Pennsylvania children have lost their Medicaid coverage since August. That’s what you get for retiring early, you little idiots.

[ - 1]

According to psychcentral.com, more people from Philly do online searches for depression-related terms than from any other city in the U.S. Even sadder, a lot of us are apparently still using Lycos.

[ + 1] A local improv comedian and Phillies

“Phanstormer” wins on Jeopardy! two days in a row. “The audience was happy to see me and was pleased with my performance,” he said afterward. “That has never happened to me before.”

MOMENT OF PARITY: The new Youth Study Center is a pilot site in a citywide effort to employ more women and minority workers in public projects.

[ + 1] The Phillies select 14 ballgirls for the

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upcoming season, and allow the fans to name a 15th via online voting. So … congrats, Stoya! We understand you have experience working in foul territory and have already been fitted with a glove.

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city

[ - 3]

A former employee of a McDonald’s in West Oak Lane posts a video online of a mouse inside a bag of hamburger buns. “I’m so embarrassed,” says mouse.“One of my resolutions was to eat better, too. This whole thing has been a wake-up call for me.”

[ + 1 ] Lucy — a 2.5-pound Yorky from New

Jersey that is dressed up to entertain people at hospitals and nursing homes — appears on Live! with Kelly, billed as “the world’s smallest working dog.” “Please kill me, Kelly Ripa,” said Lucy in her native tongue. “I was never meant to be. My diminutive size is the result of a bloodline poisoned by generations of malnourishment and inbreeding. I have several health issues, as evidenced by my ceaseless tremors and labored breathing. I beg you to wring my little neck, Kelly Ripa. And then pray, as I do, that there is no life after this one.” Unfortunately, to human ears it just sounded like a series of happy little “yippees.”

This week’s total: -5 | Last week’s total: 0

NEAL SANTOS

[ disparities ]

INDUCING LABOR Mayor Nutter has outlined new rules on minority hiring — but will they be a match for Philly’s white union establishment? By Daniel Denvir

“

onestly,” says 24-year-old native West Philadelphian Tyrick Moy, an African-American apprentice in Plumbers Local 690, “when I came here, I looked around and noticed more blacks than usual.” Moy was speaking from a work site at 48th and Haverford, soon to be home to the city’s juvenile jail, the Youth Study Center. Like most of the youth who will be incarcerated here, the neighborhood is largely black and poor. What’s surprising: Many of the construction workers on the project are also people of color. The overwhelming majority of workers on such sites are typically white males. In November, Mayor Michael Nutter issued a “historic” executive order: City-funded construction projects like this one worth $5 million or more would hire a substantial number of black, Latino, Asian and female workers — 32 percent men of color, 7 percent women and 50 percent Philly residents. He also created an Advisory Committee on Construction Industry Diversity to oversee compliance. Critics, however, say Nutter’s executive order lacks teeth. “What happened with the executive order was pure hogwash,” says City Councilman Wilson Goode Jr., noting that economic opportunity plans stipulating hiring goals are already required for many publicly funded projects. In short, Goode doesn’t see the problem of minority

exclusion from job sites being addressed in any comprehensive way. Still, given Philly’s long and fraught history of inequality on construction sites, the Youth Study Center — which is a pilot site for the mayor’s new initiative — is a significant step forward. “This administration has actually taken steps,” says Everett Gillison, the mayor’s chief of staff, who will chair the diversity advisory committee. “We have been very serious when it comes to minority, women and disabled people getting their fair share.” At the Youth Study Center, 38 percent of the hours worked have been worked by black, Latino and Asian men. It might not sound like a lot — but it’s an improvement. A 2008 study of publicly funded construction projects in Philadelphia found 72 percent of workers are white, and 59 percent live outside the city. The study’s author, however, says his numbers may inflate minority involvement: At SugarHouse Casino, according to a city report, people of color worked just 9 percent of construction hours, and women a measly 2 percent. Gillison says the oversight board, including a monitor that tracks day-to-day hiring, has been effective, and the project is meeting its goals. But Goode, who plans to introduce legislation he says will increase Council’s ability to hold contractors accountable, calls Gillison’s statement “ridiculous.” “If they were achieving the same level of diversity on most projects, they could call it progress,” he says. Meanwhile, unions bristle at the very suggestion that there is a

“The executive order was pure hogwash.”

>>> continued on page 8

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✚ RUN OF THE ROAD On roadways across Philadelphia, little white men on little white bicycles are appearing, as if painted by a prolific street artist — the civic-minded answer to Toynbee, perhaps. In fact, the pedaling stick figures (which come complete with the too-cute name “sharrow,” a portmanteau of share and arrow) represent what will perhaps approach a $1 million, citywide investment — in teaching Philadelphians to share. Philly, which is more than midway through completing a citywide bicycle and pedestrian plan, has already laid down seven miles of sharrows, and is betting big on their success. It plans to adorn the city with 203 miles of them over the next 10 years, according to the city’s bicycle and pedestrian coordinator, Charles Carmalt. Still, admits Jeannette Brugger of the Philadelphia City Planning Commission, “One thing that’s missing is education as to what a sharrow actually is. If there’s no publicity or educational component, it’s not going to be a widely followed law.” Of course, there is no actual law that applies specifically to sharrowed streets, which are generally highly used by cyclists already, but are too narrow for bike lanes. As elsewhere, the rule is simple: Share the road. Sharrows cost about $229 to install, or $3,000 to $5,000 per mile. Bike lanes start at $10,000 per mile, and the reality of installing them can be much trickier: Just to adequately reconfigure the traffic lights for bike lanes along JFK and Market streets, which hosted bike lane test runs last year, would have cost $100,000. Comparatively, slapping down sharrows feels like a bargain to the city. “The cost of an accident when someone is injured is incredibly high,” says Andrew Stober of the Mayor’s Office of Transportation and Utilities. “Even if you avoid just one accident,

[a tool like a sharrow] usually pays for itself.” A San Francisco study found that drivers gave cyclists a full 2 feet of extra room on sharrow-marked streets. John Boyle, research director at the Bicycle Coalition of Philadelphia, notes sharrows don’t work perfectly everywhere; for example, Ridge Avenue in East Falls went from a “pretty desperate” situation to only moderately desperate for cyclists following sharrow installation. But he supports the idea: “It creates awareness for cars, and it also gives bicyclists some guidance and makes them more predictable.” And in a city where cycling is on the rise — the latest Bicycle Coalition study found ridership grew 6 percent from 2010 to 2011 — learning to share the road —Samantha Melamed may be more important than ever.

✚ DOG DAYS Gentrification in Philadelphia’s neighborhoods can mean many things: coffee shops selling $3 lattes or the invasion of gastropubs, for example. In Graduate Hospital or “South of South” — as the neighborhood association has dubbed itself — it has meant something else, too: way more dogs. Aaron Pollak, a recent transplant to the neighborhood, learned the consequences of that about six weeks ago, when his rescued greyhound, Toni, was attacked by an off-leash pit bull. He stood by helplessly as a policeman pried the dog’s jaws off his pet, who required nearly $8,000 in surgeries and follow-up care; neighbors and friends have come together and held fundraisers to foot most of the bill. In Pollak’s old neighborhood, “there was a nearby park where you see the same people and dogs every day, and they >>> continued on page 9

“Cheap Funeral” JAMES R. MUNDIE/ FLICKR: JGMUNDIE

By Isaiah Thompson

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS ³ LAST WEEK, THE city’s Office of the Inspect-

or General announced actions taken against three companies that allegedly lied to the city in a “sham minority contracting scheme.” All three companies were penalized. But the primary contractor — which, City Paper found, controls a generous political action committee that’s given hundreds of donations to powerful state officials — has been allowed to continue working for the city. The report revolves around William Betz Jr. Inc., JHS & Sons Supply Co. and UGI HVAC Inc. According to the press release, UGI held a $1 million contract with the city to do federally funded energy-efficiency work for low-income Philadelphians. UGI had pledged to hire a minority-owned, woman-owned or disadvantaged business as a contractor for some of the work, and on paper it did, hiring JHS to provide boilers, furnaces and chimney liners. In fact, says the inspector general, UGI bought the equipment from Betz, which arranged to pay JHS a small cut to make it appear that JHS had sold the equipment itself. UGI and Betz, the report says, even “generated false invoices to cover their tracks.” Betz was barred from doing work for the city for three years. UGI was fined and signed a settlement agreement consenting to more scrutiny, a $100,000 fine and using 50 percent minority-owned or disadvantaged businesses in its next city contract. That’s right — its next city contract, despite having been accused of lying, falsifying documents and covering up its alleged fraud. UGI will continue doing business with the city on a “future weatherization contract,” according to the report. “You have to take each one of these situations individually. In this case we considered Betz to be the most culpable party,” says Inspector General Amy Kurland. “For UGI, this was the only instance [of wrongdoing] that we found.” But there’s another twist to the story: The principals of UGI HVAC, headquartered in Reading, control a political action committee, UGI PAC, that has given generously to various state elected officials. Just since 2009, the company donated thousands of dollars to campaigns including: House Appropriations chairman Rep. Bill Adolph, state Sen. John Yudichak, Senate Appropriations chairman Sen. Jake Corman and Rep. Dwight Evans (House Appropriations chairman at the time). Kurland tells CP no elected officials had any involvement in her investigation, and UGI’s apparent political connections were news to her. ✚ Send feedback to isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net.

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problem that needs fixing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think Councilman Goode is a dope,â&#x20AC;? says Philadelphia Building and Construction Trades Council head Pat Gillespie. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to prove that we have programs that work, because they work. Anywhere the building trades unions have agreed to diversity on a project, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve lived up to those numbers, or weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve done our level best to ensure that our employers live up to those numbers.â&#x20AC;? Plus, building trades unions contend that the focus on minority quotas is politically driven anyway. In 2003, civil rights protests against the electriciansâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; union Local 98 were rumored to be fomented by disgraced state Sen. Vince Fumo, a rival of powerful union chief John â&#x20AC;&#x153;Johnny Docâ&#x20AC;? Dougherty. The politics, however, play both ways. Dougherty was close to Mayor John Street, who named him chairman of the cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Redevelopment Authority. And though Dougherty decided against a run for mayor in 2007, he has assumed behind-the-scenes leadership: Local 98â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s political director Bobby Henon was elected to Council, and Dougherty was seen as playing a key role in Darrell Clarkeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s recent selection as Council president. So he could have a say on whether Goodeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s legislation is successful. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to be a lot of vigilance around whether or not that [union] funding will cause elected officials to hold their tongue instead of speak out on issues like this one,â&#x20AC;? says A. Bruce Crawley, a Philadelphia businessman and critic of construction industry hiring practices. Political gamesmanship aside, the history of black exclusion has been a central civil rights issue in Philly for decades. Overwhelmingly, white building trades unions have drawn members from family, neighborhood and parish â&#x20AC;&#x201D; social networks that excluded blacks in this highly segregated city. In some other industries, labor unions pulled millions of black people out of poverty and into jobs teaching, hauling trash, driving trolleys or delivering mail â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but not in skilled building trades. In Philadelphia, many black construction workers have historically been concentrated in Laborers Local 332, a lower-paid and low-skill trade. In 1963 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; while civil rights protesters in Birmingham, Ala., were being driven back by firehoses and attacked by police dogs â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Cecil B. Moore, head of Phillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), led mass protests against white construction crews at the Municipal Services Building and elsewhere. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The only difference between Birmingham and Philadelphia,â&#x20AC;? said Moore, â&#x20AC;&#x153;is geography.â&#x20AC;? The movement sparked similar actions in cities nationwide. Yet the building trades here remained largely white. In 2003, contractors failed to meet hiring goals for the taxpayer-funded construction of two new South Philly sports stadiums. In December 2007, the conflict became crisis: Members of City Council demanded work for people of color in the $786 million Pennsylvania Convention Center expansion. When the building trades refused to turn over demographic information on their membership, Council did something unheard of and proposed opening bidding to

non-union firms. Nutter, then mayor-elect (and former chairman of the Convention Center board), condemned the unionsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;economic apartheid.â&#x20AC;? The following year, a compromise was brokered: The unions would turn over demographic information to Council and agree to put more people of color to work. Some unions, however, never turned over demographic data â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or even signed the agreement. But the furor produced some results, and a significant number of African-Americans were hired. Despite the progress since then, Crawley says Nutterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s order fails to include tough sanctions for noncompliance and doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t include goals for minority- and women-run firms. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you have no accountability for workforce inclusion and no

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The NAACP was never consulted.â&#x20AC;? specified goals for contracting, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not holding out any great hope that [hiring goals] can be achieved,â&#x20AC;? he says. In March 2011, Nutter presided over a jubilant Convention Center expansion grand opening. But the NAACPâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Jerry Mondesire, who backed Nutterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2003 appointment to lead the Center, now views him as another in a long line of mayors, black and white, who have let black Philadelphia down. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The NAACP was never consulted [in crafting the order],â&#x20AC;? Mondesire says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;so we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take it very seriously that the administration is going to pursue inclusion in any more meaningful way in this second term than they did in the first term. And the first term was lackluster.â&#x20AC;? Gillison says he welcomes the skepticism. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It keeps us on our toes and keeps us committed,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;People shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t rest on their laurels once they enter into an agreement. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the beginning of the process, not the end.â&#x20AC;? (daniel.denvir@citypaper.net)

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know each other and know their boundaries,” he says. Graduate Hospital doesn’t yet have

a dog park. Horace Gibson, community relations officer for the Philadelphia Police Department’s 17th District, says there was also a recent dog attack on a police officer. now, the district has a new challenge: preventing dog violence in a neighborhood where both population density and dog ownership are on the rise. “We’ve had that regentrification, and there are new people coming in, and there’s no place for the dogs to go to exercise, to be quite honest,” he says. Gibson is trying (so far unsuccessfully) to acquire signs posting leash laws, and says the current enforcement plan includes chastisements blared via loudspeaker from police cars.

as for Pollak, he wants to see a silver lining in the renewed enforcement efforts, but really he doesn’t. “it’s a horrible thing and bad things happen sometimes,” he says. “I don’t know if there will be any benefit from that.” —Samantha Melamed

editor’s note When it comes to political donations in Philadelphia, companies seem to be able to sidestep rules disallowing

corporate donations simply by offering affirmations that company donations are, in fact, really being given by individuals, as Isaiah Thomp-

son reported [news, “Funny Money,” Jan. 5, 2012]. However, among the companies he identified as taking advantage of that loophole, Ocean City, n.J.’s Tasty Braons LLC doesn’t quite fit the bill. It turns out their $25,250 gift was in fact an in-kind donation to the campaign of Giovanni Campbell for Common Pleas Court judge; the company had produced a video for Campbell at no cost. It should also be noted that, as a candidate for a statewide (versus a citywide) position, Campbell was not subject to Philadelphia’s campaign-donation limits.

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“With regentrification, there are new people coming in and there’s no place for the dogs to go.”

news blog Check out City Paperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

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and efforts more than can ever be expressed in words.Initial screening for egg donor candidates involves blood work, drug testing, a pelvic ultrasound and a personality assessment test. It also gives potential donors time to ask any questions they have about the process. Once all these tests have returned, donors meet with a counselor to discuss the next steps.Egg donors will need to learn to give self-injections. We walk donors through this process to make sure they are comfortable. Our egg donors are happy with their experiences; almost all of our donors wish to repeat the cycle and help yet another couple. Thank you for your consideration!

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12TH STREET GYM If your holiday presents included a few extra pounds, good health and a better body will make the best gift for the new year. A full body weight workout (FBWW) is a key ingredient in improved fitness. You can do a FBWW in the gym, office or at home, so there are no excuses! Here are some sets to start with.Dynamic Warm-Up: 3 sets of jumping jacks, push-ups, forward and backward arm circles, butt kick and lunges. Body Weight Squats; Place your feet wide apart, arms extended in front of you, flat back posture. Push your hips back and lower your body. Go up and back down, keeping heels on the floor. You can also perform the same movement with your hands behind your head. Standard Push; UpsGet into push position. Your body should form a straight line from head to toe. Arms should be straight and slightly wider than shoulder-width apart. Keep your feet close together; tighten up your butt and core. Lower your body until your chest almost touches the floor and upper arms form a 45-degree angle. Push back up to the starting position. Keep your head aligned with your torso at all times, and don’t drop your hips. Pull-Ups; With hands shoulder-width apart

in an overhand grip, pull your chest toward pull-up bar, squeeze your shoulder blades together and then slowly lower your body to the start position. Crunches Lie on your back with knees bent, feet flat on the floor, and hands behind your head. Raise your head and shoulder blades to crunch your rib cage toward your pelvis. Pause, then go back to the starting position. Give yourself 30 days to see results. Remember, be flexible but consistent and make exercise a habit. Happy new year and happy new you! Noe Espinosa is a registered personal trainer at 12th Street Gym. To learn more about Noe and more than 30 other top trainers at 12th Street, visit www.12streetgym.com

therapy can be useful for many interpersonal and intrapersonal problems. We offer services to individuals, people who are married or have partners, those living together, considering future commitments, and those who are currently dating. We also provide couples therapy to people who are no longer together but wish to resolve their issues in order to co-parent or to resume their relationship.We know that life’s challenges can often be complex and profoundly emotional. The therapists at PhIIRST offer a wide range of services. We are located in the heart of Philadelphia in Rittenhouse Square. To find out more go to www.phiirst.com or call us at 267519-0241.

PHIIRST Philadelphia Institute for Individual Relational & Sex Therapy is a counseling, therapy and training center dedicated to helping people work through life’s unique challenges. We are a practice of highly trained and specialized therapists dedicated to helping people gain greater insight and create greater joy in their lives. We provide services for individuals, families and all types of relationships.Psycho-

MAIN LINE FERTILITY Egg donation is a wonderful gift for a couple wishingto build a family. These couples have been through multiple infertility treatments and egg donation is their only remaining option to experience a pregnancy. Egg donation also allows the husband to contribute genetically. These couples appreciate your time

The Center for Continence and Pelvic Care specializes in women’s urology. Michelle Persun, MD and Tia Schellato, DO are board-certified specialists.Only 30 percent of people with incontinence seek treatment, but with today’s treatment options and specialists who take the time to solve each woman’s problem, there’s no reason to suffer with incontinence or pelvic pain. We offer effective, comprehensive, holistic treatment by board-certified physicians. We begin with a thorough evaluation that includes really listening to our patients. We develop treatment plans tailored to each individual. We offer the latest in surgical and nonsurgical options, including minimally invasive and robotic surgery. Our team includes a physical therapist, a registered dietitian and a sex therapist. Our experts provide support and understanding in a comfortable, convenient location.We treat incontinence and conditions that lead to incontinence, including overactive bladder, painful bladder syndrome, recurring urinary tract infections and pelvic organ prolapse. We also help women with sexual dysfunction. You don’t have to put up with incontinence or pain during sex. Make an appointment today!One Presidential Blvd., Suite >>

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For more information, please contact the egg donor coordinator, Amy Fisher, RN, MSN, CRNP at 484-337-8958. www.mainlinefertility.com

SEEKING HEALTHY COLLEGE EDUCATED MALES AGE 18-39

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115, Bala Cynwyd (610) 632-4000Jeanes Hospital, Philadelphia (215) 745-4130; Hahnemann Hospital, Philadelphia(215) 762-3200 www. PelvicCenter.com

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CRYOBANK Are you a young, healthy, educated male? If so, you may be eligible for sperm donation. Fairfax Cryobank is always looking for new donors. Compensation includes bi-weekly or monthly checks, as well as the knowledge that you are helping infertile couples. The average donor earns $100 per acceptable specimen, although many are compensated more based on a healthy lifestyle and optimal abstinence hours. All donor information is completely confidential. Online applications are submitted directly to your local facility, and we do not share your information with outside parties. Donor files are numerically coded to assure confidentiality. Donors assume no responsibility or liability for any offspring conceived through donor semen. As such, donors will have no rights to any offspring conceived. Applicants may choose to be an ID Options Donor, where the offspring conceived will be able to access information about the donor once the offspring reaches the age of 18.Go online now at 123donate.com and fill out the brief application form. It’s the first step in a rewarding process that can bring a couple’s dream to life.

BRYSI Brysi is dedicated to providing nutritionally based food and drink to people who care about their bodies. Located on the north side of The University of Pennsylvania’s Franklin Field, we maintain a first-class café that provides high quality

food, beverage, and catering services at a reasonable price. Brysi (“bree-see”) is Greek for “fountain” and recalls a town’s center where people would gather to refresh themselves and meet with friends.We offer this experience by giving a bountiful array of only fresh & natural food & drink that reinvigorates the mind, body and soul.Our food products are fresh, nutritious, and served to patrons quickly and in a friendly manner.We offer a wide variety of products that appeal to a wide array of palates.We are constantly adding new products so that our customers never grow tired of the same old thing.We offer a wide array of healthy alternatives to soda and sugar water. Natural spring, filtered, and pH balanced waters, and an array of gourmet coffee, espresso,and special teas are available. Our smoothies contain 100% vine-ripened crushed fruit, no added sugars, artificial ingredients, or colors and are precisely developed to meet patrons’ performance goals. All sandwiches (vegetarian options are available) are prepared on site and can be “panini-ized”. We have started with some of the most popular sandwiches of the day and made them healthy, nutritionally balanced, and tasty. We also offer a wide array of fresh specialty salads (packaged and ready to go), seasonal fruit, yogurt,and breakfast wraps. Our business philosophy is simple: treat every customer as though they are the most important person in the world giving him or her the attention they deserve while offering good service, honesty,and a sense of humor. Do this and you’ve earned a customer for life.Come visit us at 233 S. 33rd Street in University City. We are located on the north side of the UPenn football stadium.

BEST CHOICE SKIN CARE AND SPA Permanent Cosmetic Make up! Women everywhere are raving about this amazing new >> CONTINUED ON PAGE 18

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service! Eyebrow, eyeliner, lip liner, full lips, soft, natural beautiful eyes—the total woman. Let this be the first thing you see in the morning—and his first impression, too.We also offer European facials and massages, diamond micro-dermabrasion, weight loss and cellulite reduction, pigmentation treatment, acne treatment, chemical peels and permanent hair removal. Visit us at 930 Washington Ave., Unit D, next to Best Choice Skincare & Spa, or give us a call at 267-519-9908

HAND IN STONE

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There’s no question a great massage can leave you feeling incredible! But why is it good for you and your health? While many seek out a massage to help recover from pain or injuries, millions of people are incorporating regular massage sessions into their lives in an effort to add another element of general health and wellness. In addition to being restorative, massage is considered a form of natural therapy to keep the body balanced on many different levels. And while many people still see massage therapy as a form of luxury, the truth is, it is a necessity.Hand & Stone Massage and Facial Spa at

15th and Locust Streets offer a variety of massage types to help recharge your body and spirit. Guests entering Hand & Stone Massage and Facial Spa will be enveloped in soothing aromas and sounds while leaving behind the stress of deadlines and hectic schedules. They offer deluxe experiences perfect for both the spa beginner and seasoned veteran, seven days a week with convenient hours. They feature several treatment rooms, including private sanctuaries reserved for couples and introductory spa services which start at just $49.95.“Hand & Stone also offers a Healthy Lifestyle Program so consumers can reap the benefits of a massage or facial every month for one low price,” said Denise McQuillan, local Philadelphia franchise owner of Hand & Stone. “Regular massage contributes significantly to the health and quality of life for everyone; the power of touch has miraculous effects and can be enjoyed by anyone: from the young to the mature, from athletes to the stay-at-home moms to the over-stressed executives. Massage has the power to relax, heal, and help release emotions and tension non-invasively.”Contact a spa associate at Hand & Stone Massage and Facial Spa today. Call us at 267-687-8666 to schedule your massage!

Show them you them…

love

CITY PAPER presents what to give and where to take your special loved one(s) this Valentine’s Day. Showcase your restaurant or gift ideas to more than 380,000 City Paper readers in our

VALENTINE’S DAY GUIDE appearing on February 2, 2012! PUBLICATION DATE: February 2 SPACE DEADLINE: January 27 For more information: 215.825.2496

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

³ THE ONE THING I learned from my weekend helping the family of Tim Bowen — the recently deceased Philadelphia artist and musician you might know from The Crystal Ball Breakers,Bonehead or Falling Cow Gallery — remove items from his house to place them in storage is that few of us are ever truly alone. So many loving friends were there to help, to get a chance to touch the pieces he left behind. It was weird that this sadly cathartic exercise — of pulling Bowen’s immensely prodigious outpouring of artworks stored in his Carpenter Street home for over 30 years — occurred on the same day photographer Zoe Strauss was being celebrated by her brother Cosmo,?uestlove and all of us, her extended family, at the Art Museum.Yet it reminded me how much of a fraternal/paternal/maternal thing Philly’s art scene is. ³ Some of your favorite southern spots (well, mine) are looking to expand, literally and figuratively, after each went before community bosses. South Street’s own Wine and Spirits Shop andBrauhaus Schmitz are seeking to split the difference on an expansion that finds each taking over part of the beat-down furniture store between them. The Wine Shop will use the space for more booze, and B-Schmitz will put in a private room and more specialized German beer. Further south, on Ninth, is the Italian Market’s live spot Connie’s Ric Rac, which wants a license to serve food and do takeout. And they’re talking about more than the cans of Chef Boyardee and corn chips they used to keep around. ³ When Amnesty International releases the four-CD Chimes of Freedom: Songs of Bob Dylan next week, among the Bob covers — by Peter Townshend,Bryan Ferry,Ke$ha,etc. — will be Adele’s take on “Make You Feel My Love” taped at WXPN studios. ³You haven’t seen Mikey Galactic strum his brand of risqué comic rock for six months. You’re not ignoring him — he’s been ignoring you. Dig Galactic’s return to the stage with A$S (formerly Apogee) and Kyle Martin James Casey Jan. 19 at Little Bar. ³ Albert Coccia, his wife Bridget (married 21 years, they worked together at his fam’s Frankie’s Seafood Italiano) and his partner Domenic Collaretti (Mary’s Catering) are soft-opening a new breakfast-lunch eaterie, The Cup and Saucer (on Eighth, just south of Fitzwater), on Jan. 23.They’ll serve La Colombe coffee through a manual drip and a breakfast menu ranging from fruit-stuffed French toast to homemade crepes. For lunch they’ll offer traditional Italian dishes as well as vegan specials and homemade soups. Young pastry chef Steph Vacca will make the desserts while Dom and Bridget do the cooking.Abbondanza. ³There’s plenty more Icepack — and photos to go with it — at City Paper’s A&E blog Critical Mass: citypaper.net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

FOR SCIENCE!: Jess Conda wrote and stars in Rock & Awe: Eternal Glamnation.

[ theater/cabaret ]

GLITTER SWEET Jess Conda and the Brat pack go glam for their latest cabaret rock joyride. By A.D. Amorosi

emphis, Hair, Rain — if you want to do the big, pretty, mainstream rock ’n’ roll theater thing these days, the Academy of Music is your place. But if you’re itching for some greasy rawk cabaret in a boozy after-hours club, head to RUBA. That’s where you’ll find Brat Productions. Over the past 15 years, the Philly theater company has become a trusted brand name in dirty rock dramaramas like Three Chord Fiction, Fatboy, Madi Distefano’s twice-Fringed Eye-95 and countless other blends of lowdown cabaretlike kitsch. This month, actress/ writer Jess Conda keeps the party going with the glitter-rocking Rock & Awe: Eternal Glamnation. The loosely knit tale sounds like Rocky Horror meets Family Ties: Repressed suburban stiffs fall under the influence of some strange celestial events and discover their “otherworldly, innerglam identities.” How Brat is that? “Brat has a tradition of new work that has rock ’n’ roll soul,” Conda says. “I like to think that our new projects are part of a ‘back to our roots’ feeling.” In total, four shows will fly the Rock & Awe banner, starting with October’s heavy-metal odyssey A Is for Anaconda and finishing up with the punky Let’s Start a War in March and the White Stripes-tastic Get Behind Me Satan in June. “Madi is a kindred spirit,” says Conda of Distefano, Brat

Productions’ CEO and the director of Glamnation. “She’s been my mentor for a long time. Now that I’m taking steps forward as an artist who leads her own projects, it’s only fitting that Madi direct. … There’s a rough-and-tumble work-hard/play-hard flava at Brat that speaks to my instincts.” Conda began her ascent quietly, as a hostess and booking person for the Fringe’s Festival Bar at the RUBA in September. She sought out noisy, theatrically inclined bands — the gypsy-jiving Drew Nugent & The Midnight Society, Latin electro king El Malito, The Extraordinaires doing a Jim Henson tribute night — and gave them a stage. Next came A Is for Anaconda. “I was looking to blend my inner rock star and my inner show tune-belting, neo-Ethel Merman selves,” she says. “Musicals can be lame, but indie-rock shoe-gazing can be lame too. I’m searching for an identity that steals the best from both of these worlds,” she says. The glittery Eternal Glamnation — featuring music from Roxy Music, David Bowie and Lou Reed — is a real-deal steal, a fabulously overheated showcase of camp, down-and-dirty, fuck ’n’ run theater featuring trampy music from glam’s masters acted and vocalized with hammy aplomb. Says Conda, “If we can find a way to glam out an accordion or a set of spoons, we’re going to do it.” (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

Like Rocky Horror meets Family Ties.

✚ Rock & Awe: Eternal Glamnation, Thu.-Sun., Jan. 19-21, 10:30 p.m., $10-$12, RUBA Club and Studios, 416 Green St., 267-586-9093, bratproductions.org.

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[ a severe sense of entitlement ] ³ rock

Bitterness is tough to shake. It can eat a man down to his core, and the more he tries to bottle it, the more it comes gurgling to the surface. Humor Risk (Domino), the second album Cass McCombs released last year, has loving intentions but comes off as a resentful jab at his unnamed assailant, as if he’d received an apology delivered the wrong way.“Love Thine Enemy” merely eyes its tipping point without touching it, and “Meet Me at the Mannequin Gallery” broods like a delicate question left unanswered. McCombs plays Kung Fu Necktie this Sunday (Jan. 22, kungfunecktie.com). —Brian Wilensky

On hiatus from The Hold Steady, Craig Finn hoofed it to Austin to work on the suprisingly intimate Clear Heart Full Eyes (Vagrant) — yes, a juxtaposed reference to the Texas-set Friday Night Lights.The subject matter is familiar (struggling artists, struggling lovers), and Finn’s lyrical style remains decidedly his own. But The Hold Steady unplugged this ain’t. The frantic finger-picking of “New Friend Jesus” and the relaxed pedal steel of “Not Much Left of Us” nod to the terroir, and the sparseness of “Rented Room” reflects the solitary songcraft. It’s a —Brian Howard combination that can’t lose.

³ drum ’n’ bass Breakbeat jungle’s rarely been as much freaky, funky fun as on 1996’s Drum’n’Bass for Papa, a typically frolicsome twist on the genre from the rascally Luke Vibert (Wagon Christ, etc.) under his Plug alias, which was, lamentably, a larkish one-off . . . until now: 15 years on, Vibert’s uncovered 10 “lost” tracks from the era. Compiled on the delightful Back on Time (Ninja Tune), they’re drawn from the same well of waggishly unorthodox samples and premium-grade, —K. Ross Hoffman high-octane beat science.

flickpick

³ electronic Hectic Zeniths — aka Philadelphia high-school teacher Adam Morgan Prince — apparently spent three years creating the scant half-hour of unambitious but highly personable piano-based trip-hop comprising his eponymous debut release (Bandcamp.com/Kitchen Dip). But the results hardly feel labored, let alone hectic; they just burble pleasantly along with considerable grace and sweetness, revealing a keen ear for handmade folktronic sonics and a blend of gentle classicism and sprightly sampling, making this a no-brainer for fans of Baths, Bibio and peak-era DJ Shadow. —K. Ross Hoffman

[ movie review ]

[ D- ] THE CURSE OF many a literary adaptation is the difficulty in translating an interior voice into exterior action. Jonathan Safran Foer’s 2005 novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close consists entirely of such monologues: the easily distracted, endlessly inventive ruminations of a 9-year-old boy whose father was killed on 9/11, and the individual, but equally fanciful, remembrances of his grandparents. The book was occasionally effective but ultimately drowned by its torrent of arch conceits; like young Oskar Schell, the author couldn’t turn off his penchant for whimsical invention. Placed into the mouth of a living, breathing human, however, Oskar’s unstanched imaginings become hectoring, not helped by Thomas Horn’s overly precious, anxious performance, which seems to build to an irritating fever pitch in each scene. The streamlined story of the film focuses on young Oskar’s quest to discover the meaning of a key he finds hidden in his father’s closet. In flashback, the elder Schell (Tom Hanks) is an idealized pamperer, never too busy to invent a story or construct a scavenger hunt for his son. Perhaps this accounts for Oskar’s severe sense of entitlement, as he refuses to allow for the emotions of others, repeatedly insisting that his grief be the focus of the rest of the world. The envelope holding the key reads only “Black,” so the boy sets out to question everyone in New York with that name. No film could contain all the novel’s mannered flights, but director Stephen Daldry strikes an entirely different tone altogether. He essentially grabs the story like a dishrag and wrings out every ounce of pathos. The legacy of 9/11 is strip-mined for sentiment, every image that has stuck in the collective memory over the past decadeplus employed in a tear-jerking onslaught. —Shaun Brady

Stripmined for sentiment.

HEY, MR. TAMBOURINE BOY: Cute as he may be, Thomas Horn’s overly precious, anxious portrayal of protagonist Oskar Schell is hectoring, building to an irritating fever pitch in each scene.

M.J. Fine does it again

CRAZY GOOD ³ THERE’S NOTHING WRONG with Soul 2. Seal’s second album of soul standards is precisely what its title promises; his phrasing is flawless, the arrangements are airtight and the source material spot-on. Perhaps too spot-on: Seal’s gruff and gentle in all the right places, but he’s not going to supplant masters like Al Green (“Let’s Stay Together”), Smokey Robinson & The Miracles (“Ooo Baby Baby”) or The Spinners (“I’ll Be Around”).The production, by pop technicians David Foster, Jochem van der Saag and Trevor Horn, lacks the warmth of the originals, so unless you’ve always thought Motown and TSOP could’ve been great if only they’d employed robots instead of men, Soul 2 is somewhat pointless. But maybe you just really dig Seal’s voice and wish he’d put it to good use — even if that means karaoke. After all, the London native hasn’t had anything resembling a hit in the U.S. in nearly a decade. Though he’s made three studio albums (and four live ones) in the interim, 2003’s Seal was his last record to go gold, his last to field a Top 100 single and — until Soul 2 — his last collaboration with Horn, who had worked on all of his albums up to that point. (That was also the year Seal met Heidi Klum, so maybe their jet-setting family life doesn’t inspire the sort of brooding he once parlayed into moody club hits and blockbuster ballads.) In the beginning — that would be 1991’s Seal, the first of his four self-titled releases — there was “The Beginning,” five minutes of airy, propulsive synths, 45 seconds of acoustic guitar, and the usual disco mantras about music and love. “Deep Water” reverses the sonic spread — more acoustic guitars, less programming — and ups the stakes by raising the specter of nuclear chemicals. Then comes “Crazy,” still Seal’s second-biggest single. As usual, the verses make little linear sense, but the chorus is startling in its clarity: “In a world full of people, only some want to fly/ Isn’t that crazy?” The beats are primal, Horn’s touch feels almost human and that satin-and-sandpaper voice soars. Seal’s lyrics may be clichéd, nonsensical or repetitive — “Killer” and “Future Love Paradise” are all of those things — but he sings them better than anyone else could. (m_fine@citypaper.net)

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EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE

reconsiderme

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³ rock/pop

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LEVEL UP

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³ MATTHEW GALLAGHER LIVES at the end of a

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[ arts & entertainment ]

John Vettese sees what develops

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Port Richmond block that, on a chilly January afternoon, seems relatively tranquil. Garage doors are neatly closed and cars are parked in a row as I make my way to the home studio of this Philadelphia photographer and zine publisher. “It’s quiet out now, but when the weather is nice, this is the most lawless street,” Gallagher laughs. “Kids don’t go to school, they’re out here skateboarding, lighting shit on fire.” Sometimes they do both at once, as we see in some of the photos he’s preparing for a monthlong exhibit at newly resurrected Philadelphia concert venue The Level Room. In a small color shot, a boy in his early teens zooms down the block on a Razor scooter with flames licking off its wheels; in a larger black-and-white print, we see where those flames came from. One of his friends has figured out how to turn a can of spray paint into a blowtorch, and our subject is wearing an impish smile as he shoots an arc of fire at the asphalt beneath him. Over his shoulder, down the block a little ways, we see a familiar diamond-shaped street sign: “Watch Children.” A survey of photographs taken over the past decade-plus, Downward Years to Come is a candid study of the neighborhoods Gallagher, 28, knows best: his current home, his own childhood stomping grounds in Juniata Park and Kensington, where many of his lifelong friends hail from. The images are not presented in a gawking way — despite the mischief he often captures, the point here isn’t “look at this crazy shit people do.” Gallagher’s perspective is more knowing and nostalgic. “When we were those kids, we were probably out doing the same thing,” he says, as his friend Domenic Palermo nods knowingly. Palermo’s band Nothing is playing an acoustic set at the Jan. 20 opening of Downward Years to Come; it has also used Gallagher’s photographs as cover art on all of its releases. “What I write about in my music is the same thing he’s looking at in his photos,” Palermo says. “Being from here, knowing this, a lot of this is what made us happy growing up. That’s why any time I need art, I don’t have

to look far.” Gallagher calls it “finding beauty in places other people might not see it.” This is most evident in his images of an abandoned, graffiti-covered pier along the Delaware River. Gallagher likes to visit it with his camera around sunset, and the rose-colored light he captures splashing off the water is absolutely breathtaking; as a kid, he would visit the pier with his father to go fishing. Back on the street, we see an archetypal shot of a corner in the summertime. From behind a brick Verizon building, mist from an opened fire hydrant fills the air. In the foreground, the silhouettes of neighbors rush excitedly to cool off. Other photos focus on the details. A convenience store has its first dollar taped to the wall, with “Fuck the police” written in bold letters over top. Elsewhere, there’s Sharpie graffiti that used to say “Sabrina + Josh,”

“This is the most lawless street.” until one of those parties came in and crossed it out. “Not any more,” reads the update on the side. “Anatomy of a relationship in Kensington,” explains Gallagher. The photographer’s goal is partly to immortalize his friends (like Anthony Smyrski, publisher of Megawords, pictured), his surroundings, his life in a way that connects most directly with those who also lived it. It’s also to offer an outlet to the next generation he documents: Sales of his photos, posters and zines during the run of Downward Years to Come will be donated in part to the children’s art program at The Studio at Beacon. (john.vettese@citypaper.net) ✚ Fri., Jan. 20, 7 p.m., free, with Nothing, Creepoid and the RockTits DJs, The Level Room, 2102 Market St., 215-9202070, mattygallagher.tumblr.com.

Suburban Square) announces the opening of his private jewelry boutique.

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Paul B. Uhr (formerly owner of Michaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s of Ardmore,

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curtaincall Mark Cofta on theater

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Âł IMAGE RESIZING

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Most playwrights would make Body Awareness an Issue Play: a story illustrating a prescriptive point of view about a societal problem. Instead, this play by Annie Baker, whose sublime The Aliens was Theatre Exileâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fringe Festival hit, feels issueless in the way that Anton Chekhovâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s plays do â&#x20AC;&#x201D; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about nothing and everything. In the Wilma Theaterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impeccable production, director Anne Kauffman shows that Bakerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s real issue is the challenge of getting through life with other people. The title comes from the efforts of college psychology professor Phyllis (Grace Gonglewski, more vulnerable than ever before), who tries to make Eating Disorder Awareness Week into an exploration of how body image affects personality. At home, partner Joyce (Mary Martello, charmingly optimistic) takes a less militant view of white male supremacy and tries to convince needy adult son Jared (an intense Dustin Ingram) to admit his social awkwardness is caused by Aspergerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. Body Awareness spends most of its 100 minutes in Phyllis and Joyceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s home, revealing often funny, sometimes scary, always real and seemingly ordinary encounters over breakfast and late at night. The tension builds when visiting artist Frank

(laid-back Christopher Coucill) offends Phyllisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; gender politics with his photos of nude women while charming Joyce with his self-assured maleness. Mimi Lienâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s realistically shaped rooms present an openness and economy that matches the castâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s realization of heartwarmingly flawed characters. Rosemarie McKelveyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s understated costumes likewise feel natural and artful, while Thom Weaverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s delicate shadows and twinkling snow showers, along with Robert Kaplowitzâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s subtle sound design, give the play a comfortable roundness. Greater than the sum of its admittedly skillful parts, Body Awareness rightfully makes its titular issue part of lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s larger, more complicated and always entertaining fabric. Through Feb. 5, $10-$54, Wilma Theater, 265 S. Broad St., 215-546-7824, wilmatheater.org. (m_cofta@citypaper.net)

PHOTO BY NEAL SANTOS

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[ arts & entertainment ]

[ rock/pop ]

BRING IT HOME Founding Figg Pete Donnelly calls in a few favors for his MilkBoy residency. By A.D. Amorosi

o paraphrase Frank Sinatra in Pal Joey: Eleven years is a long time between drinks. That’s how long it’s been since Philly-based singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist Pete Donnelly released a solo album. The pleasantly pained Another Day on You, featuring Donnelly’s voice pitched to raspy Bonnie Raitt perfection, came out in 1999, right after his famously cocksure band The Figgs ended its relationship with Capitol. Donnelly’s sonorous new When You Come Home came out just this past December, not long after he got off the road with the rocking NRBQ. “I’ve been releasing Figgs records all along — 13 since 1998 — as well as the regular record-making I’m always doing with gifted individuals — John Legend, G. Love, Mike Viola and Graham Parker amongst them — but it is different to do a ‘Pete D’ thing,” he laughs. “I can be as indulgent and reckless as I want to be.” When You Come Home’s devil-may-care vibe surely comes from doing time with genre-blending rocker Terry Adams and his wonky NRBQ. “The Q is a band that doesn’t define themselves by the styles of music they play necessarily but that they do it all with pure authenticity,” says Donnelly. He notes that on the first night he played with Adams (“no audition” and “no set list”), they were taping an NPR event and John Sebastian walked in the door. They wound up doing Lovin’ Spoonful songs. “It’s an incredible study,” states Donnelly of Adams’ mixed-bag boogie. “No doubt I’m taking it all in.”

Sonically, When You Come Home is certainly a cool blend of Andrew Bird-like chamber folk and quirky subtle soul — plus that riffing power pop that makes Figgs fans cheer. Lyrically, there’s the petrified chaos of “This Way the Back Door,” of which Donnelly says, “I don’t know why but the Walt Whitman Bridge seems to inspire tragic imagery.” The songwriter looks back at his original hometown of Saratoga Springs, N.Y., with a similarly ruinous sense of reflection in “Saratoga.” One tune in particular haunts Donnelly now: “Tommy’s Piano,” with Tom Ardolino — who mans the drums throughout When You Come Home — playing the 88s. Best known as NRBQ’s fan-turned-longtime-drummer, Ardolino passed away just days before this interview. “This is him playing the piano in the studio. Heard him and leaped across the room to hit record — 30 seconds from a truly

gifted individual. I’m so grateful to have gotten to make music with him. He’s made a huge mark on the universe, one that won’t go away.” The patchwork feel of When You Come Home truly comes out when you read the credits and dig the cats that played for Donnelly. Britta Phillips, of Dean & Britta, sings on it, as does local singersongwriter Jim Boggia and Soul Asylum’s Dave Pirner. Philly’s finest session guys, like drummer Fred Berman and guitarist Tom Spiker, joined in the fun. Some of them — Boggia, Phillips, exReplacements bassist Tommy Stinson, etc. — will come to Donnelly’s aid when he starts a six-show residency at MilkBoy Philly this week. “I like the idea of residencies, but in order to do it there has to be something special to keep people interested,” says Donnelly. “Every week it’s about different people I’ve connected with. Ultimately, though, it’s about having the opportunity to make more music together.” (a_amorosi@citypaper.net) ✚ Pete Donnelly’s weekly residency starts Wed.,

Jan. 25, 9 p.m. $10, MilkBoy Philly, 1100 Chestnut St., 215-925-MILK, milkboyphilly.com.

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Flowers of War

NEW EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE|DRead Shaun Brady’s review on p. 21. (Roxy) FLOWERS OF WAR|C-

HAYWIRE|B-

Best remembered as the director of the CIA from 1973 to ’76, William Colby emerges in his son’s carefully researched film as a puzzle. “He was tougher, smarter, smoother and could be crueler than anybody I ever knew,” narrates Carl over family photos. The film sets Carl’s contemplations alongside interviews with his father’s colleagues and footage of the events Colby tried to control: the coup that killed Nhu and Ngô

STARTS FRIDAY, JANUARY 20

CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS FOR THEATERS AND SHOWTIMES

Gina Carano, who plays government gun-for-hire Mallory Kane in Steven Soderbergh’s Haywire, doesn’t look

THE MAN NOBODY KNEW|A

SCREEN GEMS AND LAKESHOREENTERTAINMENT PRESENT A LAKESHOREENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION IN ASSOCIATIOMUSICN WITH SKETCH FILMS “UNDERWORLD AWAKENING” STEPHEN REA MICHAEL EALY THEO JAMES INDIA EISLEY AND CHARLES DANCE BY PAUL HASLINGER EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS DAVID KERN JAMES MCQUAIDE DAVID COATSWORTH ERIC REID SKIP WILLIAMSON HENRY WINTERSTERN PRODUCED BY TOM ROSENBERG GARY LUCCHESI LEN WISEMAN RICHARD WRIGHT STORY BASED ON CHARACTERS CREATED BY KEVIN GREVIOUX AND LEN WISEMAN & DANNY MCBRIDE BY LEN WISEMAN & JOHN HLAVIN DIRECTED SCREENPLAY BY MÅRLIND & STEIN BY LEN WISEMAN & JOHN HLAVIN AND J.MICHAEL STRACZYNSKI AND ALLISON BURNETT

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Zhang Yimou burns through his slow-motion quota a few minutes into Flowers of War, his over-stylized, underthought take on the Nanking massacre. As Japanese soldiers wipe out the last remnants of resistance in China’s ravaged capital city, convent students and prostitutes flee through the rubble-choked streets, converging on a walled cathedral along with an American mortician (Christian Bale) looking to make a few dollars by burying the church’s dead priest. The girls in their lumpy cloth coats make a stark if not entirely sensible contrast with the whores clad in silk dresses and garter belts, one of innumerable instances in which Zhang’s florid imagery trumps logic as well as taste. There’s no atrocity he won’t aestheticize: bullets carve crooked circles in stainedglass windows before lodging in soft flesh, arterial spray douses a lace curtain, and blood drips glossily from a dead woman’s hair. As an apolitical Bogart type whose self-interested cynicism is worn down by the horrors around him, Bale is all externals, lacking the bone-deep weariness that might give his foregone conversion a hint of dramatic tension. The action scenes are masterfully staged and edited, the melodramatic moments expertly milked, but Zhang seems to have lost all sense of when to pull the reins. —Sam Adams

like a movie star. The mixed martial-arts champion has a lopsided, mildly fleshy face that’s engrossing in a way her high-cheekboned peers can’t match; she looks as if she’s gone a few rounds. Whether she’s brawling with a man twice her size or racing across Dublin rooftops, she adapts to her environment without hesitation: a fist, a knee, a ceramic knickknack, even a loose shoulder strap becomes a weapon just long enough to serve her purposes, so that, like her opponents, you never know where the next blow will come from. That’s true of the prismatic script by Lem Dobbs (The Limey) as well, which juggles locations and time frames as it unravels an ever-expanding conspiracy to frame Mallory for murder. The net ensnares a fellow operative (Channing Tatum), a British spook (Michael Fassbender), her boss (Ewan McGregor), and a pair of government higherups (Michael Douglas and Antonio Banderas), as well as her father (Bill Paxton), an ex-Marine novelist, but the tangled intrigue is more busy than it is complex. Carano’s affectless line readings cripple the sense of betrayal, and Soderbergh’s digital cinematography is uncharacteristically murky, especially in the movie’s many low-light confrontations. The fight scenes are brutally satisfying, filmed in longish takes and stripped of the audio sweetening that normally makes every punch sound like a car crash. But when the blows stop landing, the stakes vanish. —S.A. (UA Riverview)

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Ðình Dim, the Phoenix Program in Vietnam and the CIA’s assassinations. The film presents Colby as a product of his time, a soldier who parachuted from planes, followed orders, and believed America’s interventions and his own “confessional” testimony before the Church Committee might “do good.” Perhaps most affecting, Carl’s mother explains her own allegiance to the cause: her willingness to overlook what was going on. She might as well be speaking for everyone who professed such ignorance, then and now. —Cindy Fuchs (Ritz at the Bourse)

RED TAILS Read Drew Lazor’s review at citypaper.net/movies. (UA Riverview)

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING Read Drew Lazor’s review at citypaper.net/movies. (UA Riverview)

“

CONTINUING THE ARTIST|B A love letter to silent cinema, Michel Hazanavicius’ black-and-white nontalkie is a shallow but hellaciously enjoyable voyage into the past. As George Valentin, a silent screen legend who has no idea his medium’s days are numbered, Jean Dujardin has Errol Flynn’s magnetic charm, William Powell’s grace and the blithe cockiness of Gene Kelly in Singin’ in the Rain. He gives a leg up to the aptly named Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), not knowing that when sound takes over, the caffeinated flapper’s fame will rapidly eclipse his own. Hazanavicius has a feel for the easy comedy of silent film if not its artistic scope; the movie mourns the death of its hero’s career, but not of an art form snuffed out at its peak. —S.A. (Ritz Five)

CONTRABAND|C

TO WATCH ADEPERO ODUYE IS TO

EXPERIENCE THE THRILL

Mark Wahlberg’s got on his best caperface for Baltasar Kormákur’s movie, a straight-ahead crime flick that wishes it was a fractured-family melodrama. Contraband is what NOLA-based trafficker Chris Far-

OF DISCOVERY

.”

GRADE A!” A.O. SCOTT

“

CARNAGE|AThe children in Roman Polanski’s Carnage are mostly unseen, but the standoff between a single boy and a group of his would-be friends is both the movie’s pretext and its subtext. The blow that knocks out one boy’s teeth necessitates a meeting between both sets of parents, with the perpetrator’s wealthy father and mother (Christoph Waltz and Kate Winslet) dropping in on the victim’s liberal mom and dad (Jodie Foster and John C. Reilly). But when they start to leave, they never get farther than the hallways. They’re boxed in like the madwoman in Polanski’s Repulsion, prisoners of their own nature. The director is in expert form, infusing the material with impish glee and executing it with breathless velocity. Carnage promises no great revelations, but it drives home an oft-observed truth with wit and style. —S.A. (Ritz at the Bourse)

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”

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raday (Wahlberg) moved from port to port with partner Sebastian (Ben Foster) before Chris went legit. But when his brother-in-law loses close to a million bucks in coke, he’s forced to pull one last job. If Wahlberg’s last run-and-gun heist, The Italian Job, is a sporty coupe, Contraband is a dented old pickup, more concerned with the lively blue-collar intuition required to survive the smuggling game than the actual product being smuggled. Contributions from the supporting cast are inconsistent, while Kormákur’s odd art-house decisions behind the lens lend fleeting grit but no real purpose. —Drew Lazor (UA Riverview)

THE DESCENDANTS|B+ Although it’s laced with understated humor, The Descendants is Alexander Payne’s first “serious” film, which is more a matter of tone than thematic heft. George Clooney’s performance is almost entirely inward-focused, a study in slowly thawing withdrawal; it’s a cousin to his turn in last year’s The American, only without the art-house abstraction. There’s perhaps a bit too much self-conscious maturity here; Payne’s exploring new territory, but it also feels like he’s holding himself back,

[ movie shorts ]

attempting to evolve through repression. The film could have been livelier without straying too far from its commendable nuance. —S.A. (Ritz Five)

THE IRON LADY|D That Margaret Thatcher loved her husband and misses him terribly in her twilight years is a lovely enough sentiment, but somehow it, and not her history-shaping tenure as prime minister, has become the central focus of Phyllida Lloyd’s misguided biopic. Meryl Streep’s impression of Thatcher is predictably uncanny, but the script gives her no opportunity to provide the type of below-the-surface insight that would qualify it as a full-fledged performance. An outsized percentage of screen time is handed over to the modern-day Thatcher, depicted as a doddering old woman slipping into senility while a vision of the late Denis Thatcher (Jim Broadbent) appears to dote and hector her. Lloyd musters up enough fiery debate moments along the way to suggest something about Thatcher’s early struggles with male-dominated politics, but the main thrust remains a fairly tedious golden-years melodrama. —Shaun Brady (Ritz Five)

JOYFUL NOISE|B The songs are infectious in Todd Graff’s Joyful Noise, but the muchhyped star power is off-kilter. Dolly Parton, who’s all down-home grit and charm, is underused, save for a lovely duet. This is Queen Latifah’s show all the way. Her poignant ballad, “Fix Me Jesus,” testifies to her character’s troubles, and her speeches

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tells the story of an ex-cop and now wanted fugitive who stands on the ledge of a high-rise building while a hard-living New York Police Department negotiatior tries to talk him down. No purchase necessary. Limit two passes per person while supplies last. Theater is overbooked to ensure a full house. Arrive early. Passes received through this promotion do not guarantee admission. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. This film is rated PG-13 for violence and brief strong language. Must be 13 years of age or older to download passes and attend screening. Anti-piracy security will be in place at this screening. By attending, you agree to comply with all security requirements. All federal, state, and local regulations apply. Summit, Philadelphia City Paper and their affiliates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Passes cannot be exchanged, transferred, or redeemed for cash, inwhole or in part. We are not responsible for lost, delayed, or misdirected entries, phone failures, or tampering. Void where prohibited by law.

IN THEATERS JANUARY 27th www.manonaledge.com

Alynda Wheat

COUNTY THEATER 20 E. State St., Doylestown, 215-3456789, countytheater.org. Curious George (2006, U.S., 86 min.): A man ventures to Africa and brings back a chimpanzee. Sat., Jan. 21, 11 a.m., $4.

(1993, U.S., 103 min.): A teenager in Depression-era St. Louis is forced to fend for himself as his family falls apart. Thu., Jan. 19, 7 p.m., $7.

�� ‘‘EXTRAORDINARY.’’ Betsy Sharkey

“EXQUISITE.ONE OF THE BEST FILMS OF THE YEAR.

THE FRIENDS OF THE PHILADELPHIA CITY INSTITUTE LIBRARY Free Library, Philadelphia City Institute Branch, 1905 Locust St., 215685-6621, freelibrary.org. The Red Shoes (1948, U.K., 133 min.): Before Natalie Portman went batshit in Black Swan, this ballet flick reigned supreme. Wed., Jan. 25, 2 p.m., free.

IF HORN IS THE FILM’S DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH, MAX VON SYDOW IS ITS BURIED TREASURE. STEPHEN DALDRY IS A FILMMAKER WHO IS SENSITIVE AND BOLD.”

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food

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EPIC MEAL TIME: The Really Cooks (L-R) — Josh “Josh Band” Neubauer, Alon “King Alon” Hafri, Pete “Pete Band” DiLorenzo and Lem “Dr. Lemonade” Pidlaoan.

[ digi snacks ]

EAT THE MUSIC Trying to make sense of Philly’s only food rock band. By Brian Wilensky

citypaper.net

>>> continued on page 38

hen a pair of former film-school students with shared passions for music and food team up with a former music student and a practicing dentist ... well, that sounds like the beginning of an off-kilter “walked into a bar” joke. And the guys walking into that bar, in this case, are West Philly’s The Really Cooks, the city’s only self-proclaimed “food rock” band. More on: The group’s grammatically odd name, as keyboardist Josh “Josh Band” Neubauer tells it, was inspired “by the scene in Back to the Future when the band playing at the dance says to Marty McFly, ‘Come on, man, let’s do something that really cooks.’ ... It was like, ‘Let’s be the band that really cooks!’” Tracing the origins of “food rock” itself, however, is a more difficult task, as I discovered when I sat down to dinner with the band at City Tap House in University City. Since the concept is in its infancy, the band discusses it in overarching, ambiguous terms. What it definitely involves: musicians dressed as chefs, nascent food blogger credentials and snacks distributed to the crowd during live shows. The seed for the band, which plays The Legendary Dobbs next week, was planted about 10 years ago, when Neubauer and guitarist Pete DiLorenzo, aka Pete Band, started cutting tracks on a home

tape recorder as Cheltenham High students. Bassist Alon Hafri, aka King Alon (all the band members are very into their stage names and costumes), knew the duo in high school but didn’t start playing with them until 2009. The whole “food rock” thing didn’t come about until early 2011. The band discovered that “about 70 percent” of the potential names they were batting around for their new project were food-related, and all had strong, greatly differing opinions about what they liked to cook and eat. (Neubauer and DiLorenzo work in a bakery and at a Starbucks, respectively.) This realization, for them, was enough common ground to establish a food-focused approach. In December, The Really Cooks self-released their first album, Dr. Lemonade Stand, named for drummer MORE FOOD AND Lem “Dr. Lemonade” Pidlaoan, the dentist DRINK COVERAGE who was absent from our meeting. (The AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / band actively dodged all questions about M E A LT I C K E T. his whereabouts.) Instead of a sound, the band attests to having its own way of writing, which a single listen through the album, a stew of multiple genres, confirms. DiLorenzo says they identify more with a past generation of musicians — must be the ’60s, given the Zombies-like Brit-pop touches, as well as the shades of Beach Boys-esque California sun and East Coast Simon and Garfunkel storytelling that come and go throughout the tracks.There’s a laborious clarity to the recording that stands in contrast to lo-fi indie counterparts; they deal in unorthodox transitions that hit the listener like an absentminded iPod-armed walker banging into a telephone pole. Take “Claude Monet,” a song ostensibly inspired by the fine arts — it’s got a springy, upbeat pace

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³ LINED WITH NEW rehabs and tidy old row homes, 1200 East Palmer is one of Fishtown’s most charming blocks. Benches and lampposts dot the sidewalk. Flags flutter and flowers spill from window boxes. There’s even a playground in the middle of the street, no bigger than a microchip.You can see why people who grew up here stay here, and why people who didn’t would want to move in. But even the prettiest stretches have that one nasty neighbor. On Palmer, that was Moe’s Tavern, the taproom linked with the 2009 beating death of a Phillies fan. But Moe’s is no mo’, and the block has welcomed a successor, Interstate Draft House, where old salts and new moms sit side by side along the 13-stool bar. The front’s bottleneck widens into a dining room furnished with wood booths, beerbrand bric-a-brac and blackboards listing drafts from Sly Fox, Lost Abbey and Yards. Owner Bob Bitros and his son, Brandon, have polished the place up nicely. Moe’s game room has become a new kitchen, where Adam Scott, a vet of Supper, braids Latin influence into American bar staples. Cotija replaces Parm on the Caesar salad. Nachos are larded with creamy, lime-spritzed black beans. Clutch wings get rubbed in achiote and glazed in honey flamed with ancho powder. There’s straight-up red, white and blue, too. Brussels sprouts cooked in roasted garlic butter were as tender and sweet as French caramels, and the blackened green beans were as good as Grace Tavern’s — and ballsier on the spicing. Crispy outside and creamy inside, the wedge-cut fries are the only ones I’ve ever liked. But there’s also room for improvement, even at this super-low price-point. Some items, like chicken tacos and a sirloin burger, required an extra element to make them memorable. A mole sauce smothering meatloaf tasted like ketchup, while the ranch dressing served with the beans was so thin it must have been made of equal parts water and Wite-Out. Fans of sweaty romaine will love the BLT “pizza” on flour tortillas. Scott took over just a few weeks ago for opening chef Julio Rivera, so you can expect the execution to tighten up as he acclimates himself. You can also expect a new Cajun lilt to the menu, per the Bitros’ original vision for Interstate Draft House, a bar anyone would be happy to call neighbor. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

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[ food & drink ]

â&#x153;&#x161; Eat the Music <<< continued from page 37

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that changes in time signature out of nowhere, reminiscent of The Beatlesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;I Want You (Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s So Heavy).â&#x20AC;? Wait ... an arts-themed song from a food-themed band? Yes â&#x20AC;&#x201D; as much as The Really Cooks like to talk up their burgeoning food focus, Dr. Lemonade Standâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lyrics donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t delve explicitly into the edible, aside from the sound of something sizzling in a frying pan and utensils clanging together in a busy kitchen at the start of its intro track, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dances in High Heels.â&#x20AC;? This is due to the fact that many of the songs were written by Neubauer and DiLorenzo during the tenure of their first group, The Josh and Pete Band, before the advent of The Really Cooks. (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Porter,â&#x20AC;? they say, was inspired by bottles of Yuengling Porter, even though itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not about beer.) While DiLorenzo vows that the bandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s next album will be more obviously constructed, listening to The Really Cooksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; music is only one food channel through which the band communicates. Take their website, thereallycooks. com, which features a section of recipes submitted via comment, email or Facebook. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The recipes page is the secondmost-visited page on our website,â&#x20AC;? says Hafri, a research specialist at Penn. Dishes so far include vegetarian Italian wedding soup, chicken couscous, a smoothie recipe and doctored-up Goldfish crackers. Local bars and restaurants should also be on the lookout for the crew, as members have started their own food review blog that sees them dressing up as their Really Cooks alter egos â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Neubauer and DiLorenzo as chefs, Hafri as a king â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and visiting restaurants to review them. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There are a lot of food blogs,â&#x20AC;? says Neubauer, â&#x20AC;&#x153;so we knew starting [one] would be best for us to make it in the food world.â&#x20AC;? The first entry, posted Jan. 15, saw the group stopping at Pietroâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Coal Oven Pizzeria in full regalia. They acknowledge that they were treated slightly differently than your average customers â&#x20AC;&#x201D; might have been the crown and regal coat Hafri was wearing â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but not in a bad way. The most direct way The Really Cooks connects with its audience through food, though, is at their live shows. No attendee left their album release show at PhilaMOCA hungry â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the group showered the crowd with popcorn and cotton candy, and gave every person who purchased their album free lemonade. They have some ideas for what theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll do at Dobbs â&#x20AC;&#x201D; one involves passing various vegetal ingredients through the audience in the hopes of creating a crowd-sourced salad. Though the band members are still settling into their roles on stage and in the kitchen, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re clear on the product theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re preparing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Food, music and sex are the top three basic needs of people,â&#x20AC;? says Hafri. And The Really Cooks? â&#x20AC;&#x153;We can offer two,â&#x20AC;? promises DiLorenzo. â&#x20AC;&#x153;At least two.â&#x20AC;? (brian.wilensky@citypaper.net) â&#x153;&#x161; The Really Cooks perform with Mike McMonagle, Stellarscope

and Wanderers, Thu., Jan. 26, 8 p.m., $8, The Legendary Dobbs, 304 South St., 215-501-7288, dobbsphilly.com.

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda

[ food & drink ]

feedingfrenzy By Drew Lazor

food classifieds

Al Zaytouna Eastern Mediterranean Cuisine. BYOB

Âł NOW SEATING La Calaca Feliz | Brian Sirhal and Tim Spinner, the

Garces Group alums who opened Cantina Feliz in Fort Washington last year, have joined the cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Mexi ranks with La Calaca Feliz (The Happy Skeleton), which debuted in the former Illuminare yesterday. The entire space has been brightened; beautiful mural work by artist Alison Dilworth lends Spanish-speaking character to the 10-stool front bar (50-plus tequilas), open kitchen and back dining room. Chef Lucio Palazzo, late of Xochitl, is doing dishes like nachos, rellenos and tlayudas, or masaflour Mexican pizzas, in a wood-burning oven; other highlights include vegetarian pozole, Veracruz-style swordfish skewers and chicken enchiladas in mole poblano. They open for dinner daily at 4 p.m. 2321 Fairmount Ave., 215-787-9930, lacalacafeliz.com.

R E S TA U R A N T W E E K â&#x20AC;&#x2122; S $20.12 3 course menu 2301 FAIRMOUNT AVE PHILADELPHIA

Kabobs â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Fish of the day Baba Ganoush â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Falafel - Hummus 3Ob W\ BOYS ]cb 2SZWdS`g 1ObS`W\U 0]]YW\U ^O`bWSa ZO`US O\R a[OZZ ;OX]` 1`SRWb 1O`Ra /QQS^bSR

Italian Market 906 Christian St Phila. PA Ph. 215-574-5040 Fax 215-574-5041 eee OZhOgb]c\O^VWZZg Q][ eee OZhOgb]c\O`SabOc`O\b PWh

215.978.4545 LONDONGRILL.COM

Grill Fish CafĂŠ | West Phillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Vietnam location (816

Sammy Chonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s K-Town BBQ | For Sammy Chon,

expanding his Korean brand from South Jersey into Chinatown has been a long time coming. Open for lunch and dinner daily, the wide-open operation (79-seat dining room, 20-seat side room) will do the late-night thing to 3 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays, with a large but accessible menu of standards (dolsot, noodles, stews) mixed with Chonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s playful American diversions (the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Koagie,â&#x20AC;? or bulgogi hoagie). 911 Race St., 215-574-1778, ktownbbq.com. Âł LITTLE VITTLES Pumpkin (1713 South St.) has completely renovated.

Check it out Tuesday to Thursday, when you can take advantage of chef Christopher Kearseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s six-course, $65 tasting. Âł Bridgidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s (726 N. 24th St.) has a new chef: David Clarke, formerly of Osteria and Morimoto. Got A Tip? Please send restaurant news to drew.lazor@citypaper.net

or call 215-735-8444, ext. 218.

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S. 47th St.) now has a fishy little brother â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Benny Lai opened this seafood-centric cafĂŠ, actually connected to its larger companion restaurant (they share a liquor license), over the weekend. The menu features straightforward preparations of mussels, shrimp, octopus and squid, plus entrĂŠes of salmon, fluke and a regularly rotating whole fish. Dinnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s served Tuesday to Sunday from 5 to 10. 814 S. 47th St., 215-729-7011, grillfishcafe.com.

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

[ i love you, i hate you ] DEAR YELPER Get a life and stop bitching on the internet about things not going exactly your way when you go out to eat. Seriously, a college essay’s worth of whining about your experience waiting for a table during an obviously busy weekend brunch? If you must make a complaint, at least tell the truth because I refuse to be told again that I’m not accommodating when I come home with sore cheeks every day from smiling at your impatient, miserable faces. I have never treated a customer in a way even remotely close to the sad song you’re selling, so you’re either totally full of shit or you’re mistaken about the date you came in. I painstakingly kiss ass for my pay check and I don’t appreciate your bitchery. Sincerely yours, NAMELESS HOSTESS. PS. LITTLE MISS INTERNET TOUGH GIRL, YOU WANNA PUNCH ME IN THE FACE FUCKING GO FOR IT NEXT TIME YOU PUNK BITCH.

Please do not bring your hula hoops to my bar, and I hear your neighbors might want to your store them in your own personal space as well. Please find another bar to enjoy your delicious stoli blueberry drinks. I heard you claim you work in the business in nolibs. If so, Shame on you!!!! Find a new bar and learn how to tip!!!!!H

I FEEL RELIEVED Your fat ass is gone and not calling me is the best thing that could ever happen to me! I don’t miss your complaining about dumb things and I certainly don’t miss hearing your depressing voice.

I am 38 we are 2 of a kind. I love you “My heater” you are so fucking warm when you skin is against mine. Muah!

LADY NEXT TO US! You are another fat bitch that I have to put on fucking blast you dumb bitch. Why would you sit there and have you bag next to you in a empty seat and then keep looking and me and my friend like we were going to take it or something. You dumb bitch someone is going to get your ass you keep turning around acting as if the bag doesn’t belong to you. Why would any woman do that...I hate you and I

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FWI BICYCLISTS IN THE CITY

SEVEN FINGER SLUT I can’t believe that I fell for you trifling ass! After all that effort to work things out you walk out on me, never to be seen again because things were a little awkward one night? For what? So you could guiltlessly fuck one of your coworkers at the company xmas party? Ridiculous. Contrary to what I said, I DO regret trying to love you. The thought of your hideous, troll like self makes me want to fuckin puke! I am SO glad I dumped your sorry little hobbit ass on xmas eve. Fuck the horses too!

STOP STARING Stupid bitches on that damn “G” bus going northbound, why are you fucking staring at me. I am trying to stay warm just like you are, and then when I turn around you look at me and look away really fast as if you weren’t staring. I saw you the whole time because I was looking at you in the fucking window. I wish I could have thrown something at you. That would of made you not look anymore! I hope I don’t see your fat ass again.

FAT GIRL AT MOVIES You fat bitch me and my boyfriend were at the movies trying to enjoy ourselves and you and you friend kept talking about everyone that came into the theater like assholes...who do you think that you are? Then you were talking through the whole movies smacking on popcorn. I could just smack the shit out of you and your guy friend. Then he was talking about stupid stuff like nobody is his complexion like that shit mattered. Who gives a fuck! I hope when it is time to see a movie again the both of you aren’t there...I really had enough!

gets pimped out by dope addicts and that your kids all die of brain tumors.

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NEW KITCHEN NOW OPEN PIZZA – STROMBOLIS – SALADS – CHEESE STEAKS – WRAPS BURGER S – HOAGIES – WINGS & MUCH MORE

You are not unloved. I love you, and respect what you do. I am the driver of a car and always aware of where you are, and the danger that me and my car are to you. I’m scared for you when it isn’t me driving near you. Car drivers of Philadelphia, can we all just slow down, get off our phones, turn on our turn signals, and be more aware of the fact that a 3,000 pound machine is going to fuck up the world of some human on a bike if we don’t take the responsibility right? Seriously.

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GET A LIFE

This is a serious message to all those bitches out there wearing them small ass jackets having them wide open and it is 33 degrees outside! What the fuck is that about then you have the nerve to sit on the train talking all loud on your cell phone saying how you are going to fuck someone up! You dumb bitch stop trying to be cute, like I said trying and bundle up! It is fucking wintertime, don’t you know that? Us real people that bundle up don’t want to get your fucking germs from you not wearing enough clothes thinking it is cute. Stupid asses.

THANK YOU Just when I go on thinking there is little to no kindness in the world something random happens. I lost the back of my phone the other day and someone found it. Thank goodness I put a mailing address on it. I cannot believe it was mailed back to me. Thank you so much whomever you are

TIME KEEPS GOING BY

My neighbor you stupid ass cunt, why the fuck do you keep slamming your door. Everyone knows that you are in the house because we can hear you talking all loud in the house like a fool! Who does that shit. Shut the fuck up already and get some class about yourself and stop slamming doors. It’s not like you are paying your bills because your bills are coming to my house. I accidently opened one of your bills because we have the same first name and saw that you haven’t paid this bill in two months. You stupid bitch instead of slamming the door you need to pay your bills. Next time I am just going to throw them away and not give them to you, you ungrateful bitch!

Keep taking those sleeping pills you are making yourself slower than you supposed to be. Cheers to a friendship lost and cheers to never hearing from you again. Karen, I wish you well!

HULA-HOOP WHORE

I LOVE YOU!

I don’t care who your cousin is (although I do love her). That doesn’t make you 21. Y But when you talk shit about the bartender being a bitch at the bar to her coworker because she carded you months ago and brag that that is the reason you don’t tip her loud enough for her to hear... it’s not cool. It’s my job to card you buddy, and you and your scumbag drug addict boyfriend are truly hated at our establishment by many bartenders. You guys are like 14 years too late with your candy-raver bullshit.

When you tell someone that you love them you should definitely mean it. And when you told me you loved me on Oct. 8, 2011. I really believed that, I think about it alot and honestly it helps me get through the day. I smile to myself and say. I love him, “My heater” you and I haven’t had a arguement in awhile and I want to keep it that way. I am so glad that we found our common ground and we are starting to learn each other more and more. I am so glad I found you, even though you are 23 and

I miss you like crazy but I know that you are safe in heaven you have been away from me since 1991. This was the worst year of my life. But, I survived and I know that you can see me and I know that you are happy for what I have been doing. I am proud to have met you and I know that GOD is watching over you. I hope to GOD that I see you again. Kisses to the best Mom in the world! A daughter couldn’t ask for a better parent. hope I don’t see you again. Your property is your property bitch keep that shit in your skinny lap!

RECKLESS EVIL DRIVER To the cock-smoking bastard who tried to KILL me on 95N coming out of Philly on Friday: Your 70 mph swerving was so erratic I thought you were SLEEPING. I honked and flashed in the hopes of waking you up. On the pass, I discovered you HYPNOTIZED by your cell phone - probably with the other hand stroking to kiddie porn. I honked again, after which (5 miles later you pussy) you cut me off by inches and slammed on your brakes, before darting off of exit 35. Next time you try to kill someone, be sure to finish the job, b/c if we ever cross paths, I’m going to shit down your neck hole. I hope your wife

YOU FOOL! You dumb bitch someone was sincerely trying to reach out to you to take you somewhere and what do you do, you fucking send a text back in reply. Who does that shit? Just know that you are never going to get invite to anything again and best believe the 2012 is going to be a good year for me and my man. So fucking glad that you are away from me, I don’t have to hear your voice or think about any of the disgusting things you like to do! Bye Bitch. ✚ To place your FREE ad (100 word limit), go to citypaper.net/ILUIHU and follow the prompts. ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

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food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city

market place

Automotive Marketplace AUTOS WANTED

SELL YOUR CAR, TRUCK OR SUV TODAY! All 50 states, fast pick-up and payment. Any condition, make or model. Call now 1-877-818-8848 www.MyCarfroCash.net CASH FOR CARS

Adoptions ADOPTION

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PREGNANT? Loving, financially secure couple looking to adopt a healthy infant. Expenses PAID. Contact John and Maureen; 1-877-2974051; email; MaureenandJohnAdopt@gmail.com

Public Notices EARN COLLEGE DEGREE ONLINE

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*Medical, *Business, *Criminal Justice, Job placement assistance. Computer available. Financial Aid if qualified. SCHEV Certified. Call 888-220-3984. www.CenturaOnline.com

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Business Services COMMERCIAL MORTGAGES

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Health Services

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NAIL TECHNICIANS NEEDED!

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Haus of Lacquer, is a new concept nail bar & Spa, the first of its kind in Delaware. Opening April 2012, we are currently looking for qualified Nail Techs to join our team. If you meet our qualifications, please give Tiffany a call at 302-530-7848. Job Requirements: QUALIFICATIONS: Education: „« High school graduate „« Licensed Nail Technician or Cosmetologist w/ 2 yrs salon experience „« Candidate must possess a great attitude „« Have excellent communication skills „« Customer service experience „« Teamwork skills

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CDL drivers wanted to deliver Semi and Box Trucks throughout the NE Region. Tow Vehicle is beneficial. Call 866-764-1601 or www. qualitydriveaway.com HELP WANTED DRIVER

CDL-A Drivers-Steady Miles, New Equipment, Regular Hometime. Dry Van and Flatbed ($500 Sign-On for Flatbed). Benefits after 30 days. CDL GRADUATES NEEDED. Call Patty: 615-522-4558 or 888801-5295.

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Drivers-CDL-A, DRIVE WITH PRIDE. Up to $3,000 Sing-On Bonus for Qualified Drivers! CDL & 6mo. OTR exp. REQ’D. USA TRUCK 877-521-5775 www.usatruck.jobs HELP WANTED DRIVER

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Working America / AFL-CIO is Hiring Organizers to Fight For A Fair & Just Economy For All. Motivation & Passion For Economic Justice A Must. $11.44/hr $457.60/wk + Bens-EOE To Apply: 610.940.5848 or philly@workingamerica.org NOW HIRING

Part-time Hours, Full-time Pay! Metro Public Adjustment, Inc. is looking for individuals in the Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Maryland area to become Public Adjusters. No Experience necessary! We train the right person! For more information or to set up an appointment, please contact: Katrina Thomas (267) 523-5875. PAID IN ADVANCE!

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real estate

Land/ Lots for Sale LAND FOR SALE

NY SPORTSMAN & OUTDOOR FAMILY LAND BUYS! This is the best time ever!! 6AC-along snowmobile trail WAS: $29,995 NOW: $13,995. 51AC-Near Salmon River WAS: $69,995 NOW: $49, 995. 5AC-Beautiful woodlands & riverfront.WAS: $69,995 NOW: $39,995. 97AC-Timber & trout stream WAS: $119,995 NOW: $99,995. In house financing. Over 150 land bargains. Call 800-229-7843 Or visit www. LandandCamps.com LAND FOR SALE

Tioga County-40 Acres close to state forest. Wooded, gently rolling, many level building areas. Perc, electric, township road frontage. $139,000. Owner financing. 800-668-8679.

rentals

Apartments for Rent 15TH/SPRUCE: BEAUTIFUL ART DECO HIGH-RISE

Studio Apt, Desk Attendant, HW Flrs, Updated Kitchen, Onsite Laundry, Intercom Entry, Amazing Location! $950/Mo. 215-735-8030. Available Late February. Lic #219789.

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the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food classifieds

merchandise market BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826 CABINETS SOLID MAPLE Brand new soft close/dovetail. Crown molding. Can add or subtract to fit kitchen Cost $6400. Sell $1595. 610-952-0033

BD Mattress memory foam w/box sprIng Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399. 610-952-0033

Antique Baby Grand Good cond., Ivory keys $2,750 Neg. - 856-863-4252

BDRM SET: Solid Cherry Sleigh Bed, Dresser, Mirror, Chest & Night Stand High Quality. Brand new. Must sell. Cost $6000 Ask. $1200. 610-952-0033

BUYING EAGLES SBL’s & TICKETS

Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

Main Coon Kittens (2) 10 wk old females, vet checked, 1st shots, papers. $550. Call 610-574-6874

American Bull/Pit mix, s & w, parents on premises, $100. (215)740-6136 CANE CORSO Pups - 8 wks, 2 blues, 1 brindle. negotiable 856-374-2071 CAVALIER KING CHARLES PUPS Blenheim, 4M, ACA, $650. 215-353-2303 Cavalier King Charles Spaniel Puppies available, Call 215-538-2179 CHIHUAHUA TEA CUP PUPS - AKC, shots, wormed, $500. 302-836-3068 Doberman puppy female, AKC, $1000 Call (609)221-6601 or (856)468-2077 Doberman Pups: AKC, taking dep, only a few left dogwooddobes.com 215.791.4663 DOBERMANS: Free (on contract) & up to $1500. Call 856-491-7929 English Bulldog AKC REG. PUPS READY JAN. 20TH 3M, 6F $2200. (717)871-0311

English Bulldog Pups, AKC, cute & adorable, shots & wormed, health guaranteed, $1450. no Sunday calls. (717)336-7381

BED: Brand New Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set w/warr, In plastic. $175; Twin $140; 3 pc King $265; Full set $155. Memory foams avl. Del. avl 215-355-3878 Bedroom Set brand new queen 5 pc esp. brown $489. Del Avail 215-355-3878

English Bulldog Pups, all colors, vet cert., papers, shots. 215-696-5832 (Bensalem) French Poodle Puppies, 7 weeks $350 call 215-730-1258 German Shepherd Pups - AKC. lg boned, champ pedigree. Call 609-351-3205 Golden-Doodles,Standard & Mini, F1, parents on premises, health guarantee, $500-$1000. Call (484)678-6696 Golden Retriever Pups - AKC, 3 M, 4 F, $600, 2 year guarantee, 814-212-2024 Golden Retriever Pups: AKC, adorable, fam. raised $575M, $650F. 610.286.5373 Golden Retriever Pups AKC, fam. raised, 1st shots, ready now $750. 302.757.0963. Golden Retriever Pups. AKC. Shts/ Wrm, Family Raised, Ready 1/8. 610-754-8814 Great Dane European Great Dane Pups $1500 267.228.9594 vjlanza@verizon.net Havanese Pups AKC Registered, parents on site, health guaranteed, $800-$1500. Please Call 484-678-6696 LAB pups, AKC, choc., English & champ lines, parents on prem. excellent temperament, health guar., $800. 717-354-2674 LAB PUPS (AMERICAN) AKC, Yellow, Champ lines, mother on premise, 8 wks, health guarantee, obedient trained. $1200. Call 717-278-9423 Lab Pups, reg., shots, wormed, very cute. Ready now! Call 717-629-3726 MASTIFF FRENCH PUPS 2 boys, $2,000 each. 484-324-5022 PUG Male ($50) and Female Pug for sale!! $200. (610)286-8993 Rottweiler Puppies - AKC registered, shots, wormed, black & Mahagony, vet checked. 570-765-0597 / 570-837-2355 ROTTWEILER PUPS - AKC registered, shots, wormed, vet checked, females $600. 717-598-9186 or 717-445-5162 SHIH TZU, M, 12 mos. Dachshund/ Chihuahua mix, F, 10 wks. 215-254-0562 Shih Tzu M & F, wormed, health gaur., great w/kids, ready, $500. 302-897-9779

CANE CORSO , F, fawn color, 2 yrs old, spayed, shots, needs good home. playful. 215-275-1457, 215-233-3322

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ REALLY PAID

** Bob 610-532-9408 ***

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $

* * * 215-200-0902 * * *

American Flyer * Lionel * Marx * Marklin electric train sets & accessories wanted, also Aurora Slot Cars. Call (609)694-4287 Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-689-8476

Coins, Currency, Gold, Toys,

Warren, PA

UNITED REFINING COMPANY seeks a motivated team player in our Project Engineering Department. A high school degree with formal drafting Burlington, NJ Large LTC facility is seeking a highly instruction & proficiency using motivated individual to assist in AutoCAD computer software is remanaging, planning, coordinating & quired. The successful candidate evaluating nursing services. NJ RN will have a minimum of six years experience in this discipline in petrolemin 3 yrs LTC supervisory exp. Computer literate; Competitive sal. um refining or similar industry. Sal/benefits pkg. The Masonic Home of ary based on experience. A very NJ, HR, 902 Jacksonville Rd, Burling- competitive benefit package. Our faton NJ 08016; Fax 609-239-3905; cility is a 70,000 bpd mediumcomplexity petroleum refinery. ReEmail: jobs@njmasonic.org. EOE sumes can be sent to: UNITED REFINING COMPANY P.O. Box 780, Warren, PA 16365 or by email to: bkulinski@urc.com. EOE

Nurse Manager

Trains, Hummels, Sports Cards. Call the Local Higher Buyer, 7 Dys/Wk

Dr. Sonnheim, 856-981-3397

Diabetic Test Strips, $$ Cash Paid $$ Nicotine patches, gum. For highest prices & pick-up, Call 215-395-7100. I Buy Anything Old...Except People! antiques-collectables, Al 215-698-0787 JUNK CARS WANTED Up to $250 for Junk Cars 215-888-8662 Lionel/Am Flyer/Trains/Hot Whls $$$$ Aurora TJet/AFX Toy Cars 215-396-1903

Distributed Control Systems (DCS) Technician Warren, PA

UNITED REFINING COMPANY. Duties include: assisting electricians in troubleshooting problems with analog or digital instrumentation, assisting controls engineer to resolve DCS problems, documenting existing equipment control configurations and settings, changing settings. The position will be the interface between the field instrument technician, refinery operations, & the engineering department. Experience & education with instruments & computer control systems is preferred. This position includes a very competitive wage and benefit package. Our facility is a 70,000 bpd mediumcomplexity petroleum refinery located in Warren, PA. Our website is: www.urc.com Resumes can be emailed to bkulinski@urc.com or sent to: P.O. Box 780 Warren, PA 16365 Attention: H.R. EOE

PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR Malvern, PA

Supervise hourly personnel operating equipment for the extrusion, coating & slitting of plastic films. Work schedule is on 24/7 4-shift rotating basis. Active participant in assuring safety, quality & productivity in producing a cost effective product. Works closely with all levels within the organization. Skills needed include leadership, problem solving, team building, strong interpersonal skills-oral & written communication, computer literate. AS Degree in related field and/or 3-5 years exp. as supervisor in union manufacturing environment. Prior flexible packaging or films related exp. a plus. Working knowledge of lean concepts & ISO req. We offer a competitive compensation & benefits package. Send resume with salary requirements to: Huhtamaki Films, Inc. Attn H.R. 2400 Continental Blvd. Malvern, PA 19355 or Fax: 484-527-2119 EOE/D/V/M/F

jobs wanted CAREGIVER Male Aid NEEDED: Live in, for quadriplegic male, live in, part time, exp. required, private home 215-752-7397

Heating & Plumber des position No job too big or small, John 215.232.9751

Housekeeper, errands, PT-FT, 5 yrs exp, refs,car,bkgd chk,Overbrook,215.290.2100

I am a caregiver desiring a position to care for elderly adults Ref 215.938.1992

254 S 16th St. Lg Effic. $860 Heat included. Laundry rm. 215-732-6348

22nd & Aspen vic. 1br $675+utils private deck, no pets, 215-355-3548

15th & Wharton 1 BR $650+gas/elec 2nd floor, ref’s req. 856-465-3464 16th & McKean 1br/1ba $650+elec 1 mo+2 sec, refs, no pets. (267)230-0171 Italian Market Area 1BR $800+ utils LR, kitch, bath, balcony, quiet area, hdwd & tile flrs, close to Ctr City 267.261.9227

1100 S 58th St. Studio, 1br & 2br apts newly renov, lic #362013 215-744-9077 55XX Larchwood 1br $600+ utils. view 1/14, 10-12. 484-908-2306 Airport Area nice 2BR $795+ duplex, a/c, gar, bsmt. Call 856-346-0747

13xx S. 58th 1BR & 2BR $625-$700 heat & water incl. 215-921-2769 2xx N 53rd St. Efficiency $500+utils Lrg effic., $1500 move in (215)878-2262 40th & Cambridge 1BR & 2BR $535 renov., 1st, last & sec., Scott 215.222.2435 4122-24 Ogden St. 1br $550 Effic. $400 New renov; N. Phila - Temple, 4520 N. Broad 1BR $600. New renov 215-849-1111 438 N. 53rd St. 1 BR $525+ utils newly renov, new appls, 610-649-9093 52nd/Parkside 2br $650+ utils large, newly renov, w/w. 215-552-5200 540 N. 52nd St. 1 BR Newly renov. 215.744.9077 lic# 333911 5956 Vine St. 1BR $525/mo. Call Loraine at 267-584-8451 59xx Pine St lrg 1Br $600/mo hdwd flrs throughout, basement, updated kitch. & bath. 1st/last/sec. 267-701-8994 953 N. 48th St. Effic’y $450 2Br $675 2 mo sec + 1 mo rent. 215-939-1067 PARKSIDE AREA 1BR&5 BR starting @ $700. Newly renov, new kit & bath, hdwd flrs, Section 8 OK. Call 267-324-3197 Parkside area 1BR $800 hdwd flrs, newly renov, PHA, section 8 ok across Fairmount Park (215)791-2722 Walnut St Efficiency $450 2br $720 renov, 215-471-1365; 215-663-0128 W. Phila 3 & 4 br Bi-Levels Avail Now 1st Mo. Rent Special 215.386.4791 or 4792

132 N. 50th St. 2BR $725+utils Newly renovated, w/ yard, 267-255-1895 1727 Memorial Ave. 2nd fl. Efficiency $500 section 8 approved. 215-820-7132

English Bull Dog Pups AKC, M & F, parents, champion sired, health cert., S/W. 484-319-0571 also stud service

Piping Designer

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J A N U A R Y 1 9 - J A N U A R Y 2 5 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

AFRICAN GREY BABY

6 mos, steps up, just learning to talk, friendly, loves figs! $1000 609-505-0316

CALL 215-669-1924

WANTED: EAGLES SBL’S True Eagles fan, Call 610-586-6981

everything pets pets/livestock

jobs

apartment marketplace

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

apartment marketplace 63rd & Girard 2br $700+utils 3rd floor, 1st, last & sec., 610-348-1196 73xx Ruskin Rd. 2br $760+utils 1st flr., renov, w/d, garage (215)888-7491

Various 1, 2 & 3 BR Apts $725-$895 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

40xx Balwynne Park 2br $825+util 2nd flr, w/w, w/d, garage, 267-255-9683

18xx Venango 2br $650+utils 2nd flr, near Temp Hosp. 267-339-1662 2501 N. Garnet St. 1BR $600/mo. Free heat. Call Loraine at 267-584-8451 32xx Spangler St. 1br $575 2nd flr, newly renov, crpt (609)929-0368 3349 N 18th St. 1br $585+utils 1st flr, open porch & yard, 215-765-5008 33RD ST. 1-2BR $625 & up newly renov, near Univ 215.227.0700, 9-5

Strawberry Mans. 1-2br apts $550-600 newly renov., ready now (215)765-1630

1,2, 3, 4 Bedroom FURNISHED APTS LAUNDRY-PARKING 215-223-7000 4520-22 N. Broad 1Br & 2Br $600-$650 large, newly renovated. Call 215-849-1111

11xx Rockland St. 2br/1ba $625 Newly renovated. Call 215-906-7574

1xx E. Wyoming Ave. Effic. $475 + elec. New renov, 1st flr. Must See 215.552.5200 52xx Rising Sun Ave 2br $695+utils very Small Efficiency $375. 215-745-5991 5849 N. Camac 1BR $650+utils Sec 8 OK 267-271-6601 or 215-416-2757

50 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 1 9 - J A N U A R Y 2 5 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

5xx Allengrove St. 2Br $675+utils new renov, nr transp & shop 610.457.2710 60XX Warnock 1 BR $595+ near Fernrock Train Station,215-276-8534 Eli Ct.-1418 Conlyn/Julien- 5600 Ogontz Convenient Living near LaSalle University Stud. 450-$575 1br 575-$675 2br $775 Gas, Water, Heat Free- SEC 8 WELCOME Call to schedule appt @ 215-276-5600

Greene or Seymour Sts. 1br units $560$685+util. Great location. 610.287.9857 Walnut Lane area 1BR $525 New paint. Close to trans. 215-990-9709 XXX LOCUST AVE 1&2BR newly ren ovated apts. $675. 267-979-2184

13xx E Mt Pleasant 1br $695+utils nwly ren, hwd flr, w/d, d/w 267.528.9275 1619 Mcpherson St. 1BR/1BA $700 215-548-4083 Green Tree Apts-330 West Johnson St. Modern & Quiet Living in West Mt. Airy Starting-1BR $700-$750 & 2BR $900 Gas,Water,Heat Free-Move In Specials Call to schedule appt. 215-276-5600

12xx Champlost Ave 2br $750 nw w/w, gar, updated kitch 267.297.9983 6751 N 13th 1-2br $495 -$595 new paint & carpet, Call 267-968-7043 E.O.L: E. Oaklane Ave 2br $600+util 2 mo. sec., w/w carpeting 215-224-6566

1501 Orthodox studio newly renov, lic # 309723, 215-744-9077 1620 Foulkrod St 1br Efficiency, $500/mo. utils incl. 215-720-5725 4645 Penn St. 1BR $600. newly renov gas/wtr inc 215-781-8072 46xx Hawthorne St 3br $775+utils private entrance yard, bsmt 215.805.6455 4711 Leiper St. Studio renovated, lic#493309 215-744-9077

4647 Adams Ave Studio apt. Newly renov. 215-744-9077 lic#433314 6812 Ditman St. 1 BR prkg,lndry fac.Lic# 212751 215-744-9077 887 Marcella 3br/1ba $850+utils No pets. Please Call 267-632-4580 9402 Fairgreen Ln Grant & Ashton 2BR 1BA near ALDI, Row-house, 2nd fl washer /dryer central ac $730 215-919-5291 Academy & Grant 2BR $775+ 2nd flr,w/w, c/a,off st prkg 856.346.0747 Fox Chase: Hasbrook 2br $900 water incl. 1st flr, W/D hkup, gar 215-785-0819 Glenview St. 2 BR $775 w/d, d/w, C/A, new w/w, near Cottman Mall. 610-864-7783 or 215-858-1164 NORTHEAST 2br $850 2nd floor, garage. No pets, no smoking. Section 8 ok. 215-637-4302 Rhawn & Blvd 2BR/1BA $800 c/a & ht, w/d, d/w, w/w, (267) 972-8411

Front and Olney 1BR $600+ 1 mo. sec. @ the Olney plaza 267.567.3731 Front & Olney clean 2BR newly renov., must see! 267-254-8446

34xx N Hope St.. 1br & 2br $500-$600 Updated, available now! 215-601-5182 Broad & H Park - Studio apt. $525/mo. incl. utils. $1,000 move-in. 215-765-5578

5030 Green St. 2BR $575 Tenant pays utilities. Call 267-625-6189 5201 Wayne Ave. Studio & 1Br apts On site Lndry 215.744.9077 Lic# 311890 5220 Wayne Ave. Studio & 1 BR newly rehab, 215-744-9077, Lic# 507568 5321 Wayne Ave. Efficiency $550 1BR $625 Avail Now. Call 215-776-6277 59XX Pulaski Ave Sunny 3Fl Studio Full Bath & Kitch $625 & Ckg Gas. $1875 & credit check to move in. 856-577-2324

607 E. Church Lane 1BR & 2BR apts. nr LaSalle Univ,215.744.9077 lic# 494336 619 E Chelten Ave 2BR $625 + utils 3rd flr,newly renov,tile, crpt, 215.681.3675 Fieldview Apts-705 E. Church Lane Penn Lee Court- 557 E. Church Lane Studio 575-$600, 1br700-$750, 2br $850 Gas, Water, Heat Free- SEC. 8 WELCOME Call to schedule appt @ 215-276-5600

WARMINSTER Lg 1-2-3 BR Sect. 8 OK $99 MOVE IN ON 2 & 3 BR!! HURRY!! Pets & smoking ok. We work with credit problems. Call for Details: 215-443-9500

15 S Oak Ave

2BR/1BA $850 610-306-9696 E. Lansdowne lrg 1BR $750 W/D, full basement, AC, wall/wall, optional garage, Must See! (610)358-2438

Phoenixville 2BR/2BA Apt. to share w/ retired woman, use of washer/dryer, $400/mo, pet welcome. 484-924-8650

Durfor St 2BR $850+gas & elec renov. row home, new crpts & paint, new stove, washer hookup, backyd, sm. bsmnt, end-unit, near Ritner & 4th St.. Income verif. 516-735-8408 or 516-770-8176 GRAYS FERRY 3br $600+utils credit chk 215-271-1043 or 267-333-4618

24th & Allegheny Clean Rooms, $110/wk. $330 move-in, 267-251-0382 28xx N 27th St: Furnished rooms, utils included, $100/wk, SSI ok, 267-819-5683 30th & Wharton: Clean rooms for rent. $100 wk. $300 move in. (267)251-0382 4223 Lancaster Ave, Clean room near transportation. 267-738-6201 42xx Paul St. furn $120/week + 2 week deposit, 609-617-8639, 856-464-0933 4500 N. 17th St. $350/mo. new luxury room, Free Cable! Henry (267)974-9271 51xx W. Minster - Clean rooms, $75$125/week. Kitchen, bath. 215-264-3538 54th & Catharine: lrg, clean, furnished, $475. Free utilities. 215-528-1058 56th & Lansdowne clean room $125 wk, $375 move in. 267-251-0382 5th & Wyoming Newly renovated, furnished, $85/week. Must See! 215-552-5200

A1 Nice, well maintained rms, N. & W. Phila. Starting @ $125/wk 610.667.9675 ALLEGHENY $90/wk. $270 sec dep Nr L train, furn, quiet. 609-703-4266 Broad & Erie, share kit & bath $85+/wk NO DRUGS 215.228.6078 or 215.229.0556 Broad & Olney deluxe furn priv ent $115 wk, 4 free wks, Sec $200. 215-572-8833 Broady & Wyoming, Broad & Hunting Pk, 60th & Market, fully furn., $200 sec., $85-$125/wk SSI/VA ok, must show proof of income 267.784.9284 or 215.954.3864 Frankford area rooms $95 to $115/wk per person, Sec. dep. req. 215-432-5637 Frankford, furnished, near bus & El, $85/wk & up + $295 sec. 215-526-1455 Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (215)548-6083

Germantown,furn rms, renovated, share kitch & BA, $125/wk. 215-514-3960 Germantown - Nice size rooms, $100$150/wk. Call 267-625-6189 Hunting Park, Kensington, Germantown, Olney, NE, W, S & SW Phila, Mt. Airy, $85-$125/wk. SSI ok. Call 215-602-2252 Hunting Park, Kensington, Germantown, Olney, NE, W, S & SW Phila, Mt. Airy, $85-$125/wk. SSI ok. Call (215) 668-4812 Hunting Park/Logan area $110 /week. Lrg rms, share kit/BA. 215-668-6826 N. PHILA: 1000 E. Oaklane, priv. ent. share kitch/ba. $420/mo 215-287-2424 N. Phila, 18xx W. Berks St., Furn Rooms, privte entry, $75/wk. 2 weeks rent ($150) + 2 weeks sec ($150) = $300 to move in. No cooking. Call John (215)236-8518 N Phila Furn, Priv Ent $75 & up . No drugs, SSI ok. available now 215.763.5565 SW Phila 6529 Linmore: Rms, incl cable & a/c, use entire house, kitch, LR, DR, absolutely No drugs/alcohol (267)228-4538 Temple Univ Area, Clean, furnd Rooms $75-$120/wk. 2 week dep. 215-869-1203 Tioga: $500/mo+utils, furn rms, use of liv rm & kitch, nr Temple U. 215-833-5858 WEST OAKLANE rooms for rent $450 furnished, with frig. 215-847-9503 West, SW & NE Phila., Germantown $85-$125/wk. SSI ok. Call (215) 602-2252

homes for rent

11xx N. 55th St Single rooms $400. Double rooms & rooms w/ bath $500. Full size bed, dresser, fridge, SSI/SSD/VA & Public assistance ok. also SW, West, North Phila, Frankford 267-707-6129 13th/Erie furn rms $90 & up/week Priv. ent, single occupancy 215-514-7143 1529 Bristol St Furn Room $125/wk. $375/to move in SSI OK 215-989-0554

8xx N. Taney 3Br/1Ba $1,480 AC, H/W fl., W/D, new kitch 610.212.5920

153X W. ERIE AVE $400 incl utils, cable, internet, kitchen access 215-259-5993 22nd & Hunting Park, renov, lrg rm, furn $85-$95 wk 2nd week free! 215.960.1600

435 Dudley St. 2BR $850 Small backyard. Sec. 8 ok. 917.667.4101 4xx McClellan St. 3BR, 1BA $1100 Fridge, W/D, sec 8 ok. Call 215-748-3076

912 New Market 2BR $1,650 great location, great house.215.816.7200

2652 S. Dewey St. 3br $750 beautiful, freshly painted, w/d hookp, 1st mo. rent + 1 & 1/2 mo sec. 856-803-4272 Springfield Ave 1BR $550 + gas & elec. Ideal for family of 2. 610-986-3776

SW: Elmwood Area 3BR modern, Section 8 approved 215.726.8817

1231 N. Redfield 4 BR $1,150/mo Section 8 OK. Call 215-650-7378 1330 N. Wanamaker 3BR $850 New renov., 3mo. move-in. 267.255.1895 1624 N. 55th St lrg 5Br $1250/mo Section 8 OK. Call 215-650-7378 1xx S. 59th St. 3BR/1BA $800 water incl partial furn., LR, DR Kit. 610-626-0071 5222 Pentridge 3BR, 1BA $900 5621 Kingsessing 4BR, 1.5BA $1,000 Section 8 ok. Call 267-235-6522 55th & Haverford Ave 2br $750+utils new floors, bkyd, sec 8 ok, 610.649.9009 57th & Locust (Alden St)3BR/1.5BA $775 /mo. Avail Immediately! Clean, large kitchen 484-318-1359 59xx Samson St. 3BR, 1BA Remodeled, section 8 ok. 215-609-5207

3xxx Darien St. 3BR $725/mo. 1st, last, 1mo. sec. 215-399-6187

1300 Gillinghan 2BR Newly renov., section 8 ok. 267.467.0200 18xx Wakeling 3BR $750+ 2 month sec., new carpets 267-307-6964 22xx Brill 2BR $675+ 2 month sec., avail now. 267-307-6964 46xx Paul St. 5BR/2Ba lrg rear yard, new flrs throughout, 1st flr laundry rm, Sec 8 OK, (215)681-8018 Tony

14xx Vankirk St. 3BR $800 mo. Rehab Exit Benchmark Rlty 215-668-3990 48xx Franklyn St. 3br/2ba newly renov, Section 8 ok, 267-255-6286

58xx Sylvester 3BR/1BA $875+utils. Dollhouse, Hdwd floors, carpets, semi fin. bsmnt, C/A, gar., front patio, 1mo. rent + 2mo. sec. dep. Call 215-769-1498 60xx Lawndale St. 3br $900 avail now, grt loc, wont last 610.710.1986 Mayfair 3BR/1BA $920 util Bright Renovated house1 flr pergo, C/A fin basmnt, garage. Call 267-261-7018 MAYFAIR 3br/2.5ba $1200+utils close trans/shops, full bsmt 215-694-4089 Parkwood Manor 3Br/1Ba $1,350 full bsmnt, appl’s, backyd 267-205-4209

E 550 2010 $49,900 6K miles, loaded including panoramic roof, garage kept. Call 610-636-8558. daily

S63 AMG 2009 $85,000 518 horsepower, 45k miles, arctic white w/full black AMG leather, 20 inch AMG rims with new Michelins, tinted windows, absolutely stunning, original list $136,000, sell for $85k, Call Dave 410-822-9500 wkdays; 410-310-0859 eve’s & wkends

Grand Marquis Broughm 2004, 4 Door few original miles, garage kept, like new $6950. Call Mary 215-922-5342

Maxima SE 2004 $6,300 PW, PL, exc. cond., loaded. 215-237-0109

$300 & UP FOR JUNK CARS CALL 215-722-2111

Junk Cars & Trucks Wanted, $400, Call 856-365-2021

JUNK CARS WANTED 24/7 REMOVAL. Call 267-377-3088

50xx Larchwood 4BR $1,100 nice location, avail 2/1. 610-710-1986

1857 E. Wensley 3BR/1BA $725 Gorgeous & renovated. Call 917-699-9941 18th & Lehigh 2br Row $495+ near Dobbins High School 215-701-7076

Brewerytown 3br/1.5ba $800+util basement, small yard, near trans, 1 mo sec, 1 mo rent, ready now 215-765-5256

Temp Hosp area 4br sngl fam Avail Now 1st Mo. Rent Special 215.386.4791 or 4792

1xx Linton St. 3BR/1BA new carpets, Sec 8 OK. 215-740-4629 5th & Wyoming Vic. 2BR $675+ utils 3BR $850+utils w/w, crd chk 267.879.1750 215.268.7946 Alcott St. 3BR newly renov., section 8 ok 215.681.7690

36xx Marvine St. 4Br/1.5Ba new renov., Section 8 OK. 856-200-5284 44xx N. Cleveland St 3br $725+utils section 8 ok, Call 215-529-8993

Morgantown PA, 4BR/2 1.5BA $1600 6 Hunters Hill Drive, 19543 . Walk-Out furnish basement with 110 Home Theater and Bar. 610-823-8686

72xx Calvin Rd Spacious 3BR/1BA $950 House; Freshly Painted, and carpet floors throughout! 484-358-6658 Darby lrg 3Br/1Ba $1000/mo 131 N. 9th St., newly renovated, back yard, Section 8 OK. Call (610)550-1212 Upper Darby 3Br/1Ba Row $850+utils garage, backyard, Call (610)202-9292 Upper Darby 3br/2ba $975 newly renov., finished basement, sec 8 ok, close to public trans. Call (484)431-3670

Norristown: Arch & Miner 3BR/1.5BA $850. backyard (267)259-8449 NORRISTOWN - E. Elm & Violet 3BR 2BA, small yard, Sec 8 ok. 215-766-1795

automotive Trailblazer 2003 $9,500/obo leather, alarm, roof rack. 215-292-1643

Broad & Roosevelt 2br & 3br $750+ new renov., new carpet & kitch w/granite counter tops, Sec. 8 ok 215-463-6366 Hunting Prk 13xx Kerbaugh St 3BR/1BA newly renovated house, loaded kitchen $800 must see 267-408-5951

9xx Farson St 3br/1ba $680+util renovated, 1st, last & sec. (267)746-1224

50xx Portico 2br 49xx Keyser 3br newly renov, sec 8 ok (610)834.9978 5xx E Penn St 3br/1ba $775+utils 1st, last, sec, newly ren (267)249-9432

2003 luxury PT Cruiser Limited 4 dr wood panel, few orig. mi, like new, gar’d, quick prvt sale. $5,985. 215-629-0630

Classic Coup 1996 w/ removable glass tops, positively flawless, perhaps the finest avail., few original miles, Sr. Citizen, will accept best offer. Call 215-627-1814

Odyssey EXL 2008 $17,000 loaded, white, tan leather, 83K mi, 1 owner, non-smoker, garaged, exc cond., needs very minor body work. (610)489-9195

19xx Independence St. 3br/1ba $800 Hwd flrs, fin bsmt, lndry rm 215-601-5182

Pilot 2004 $8,500/obo blk, 155K, lthr, all pwr, beaut610.348.9188

18xx Clarence St. 2br $750+utils nice block, near transp. 267-357-7892 32xx Rorer St. Kensington 3Br/1Ba $695 & utilities. Newly remodeled, Washer & Dryer 1st, last, & Sec. (267)-258-7637

Jaguar 3.0S Type 2002 very economical V6, 4 dr, sunroof, orig. mi., new cond.. Also Jaguar 2001 3.0S Type with sunroof, comparable to new, few orig. mi, corporate disposal, $6975. 215-928-9632

A1 PRICES FOR JUNK CARS FREE TOW ING , Call (215) 726-9053

Ford F150 2002 $7000/obo runs grt, nw batt., 82k, pwr, 215.338.2027 FORD F-150 4x2 1999 160k, stake body, diesel, garage kept, 2500 lb lift gate, Must Sell 610-888-3035 FORD F-350 XL Super Duty ’04 $21,500 60k miles, white, power stroke, V8 turbo diesel, good cond., loaded (215)788-3383

low cost cars & trucks Cadillac Catera 1997 $2850 1 owner, 82k, insp, like new 610.476.8570 Cadillac Catera 2001 Economy Sports Edition 4 door, sunroof, original miles, like new $3985. Call Carol 215-922-6113 Chevy Blazer 4x4 1995 $2,495 new tires, insp., gorgeous. 610-524-8835 Chevy Impala LT 2004 $2875 V6, pearl, loaded, CD, clean 267.592.0448 CHEVY PRIZM 1996 $2700 81k mi, CD, insp., exc cond, (215)612-1702 Chrysler Concorde LX 2002 $2675 V6, 1wner, lo mi, CD, clean 267.592.0448 DODGE DAKOTA SXT Sport 2005 $4975 Special edition, 4WD, 4 door crew cab, Like new, senior sacrifice. 215-922-2165 Dodge Intrepid SE 1999 $1,995 3.2 motor, fully loaded. 215-677-6135 Ford Deluxe Explorer 2003 $4950 4 door, full power, 4WD, stored in heated garage, really exceptional, female driver, quick private sale, Fran 215-922-5342 Hyundai Sonata 2002 $2500 sunroof, new tires, clean 215-840-4860 Lincoln Continental 2000 $3,700/obo white/tan. New: tires, brakes, battery & insp. Exc cond, 145K mi, 856-457-0909 Mazda MPV 2000 $3200 7 passenger, all pwr, clean 215-840-4860 Plym Voyager Mini Van 1992 $1350 auto, 4 cyl, 89K, runs exc. 215-620-9383 Toyota Celica 2000 $3295 5 speed, sunroof, gorgeous 610-524-8835 Toyota Solara SLE Conv. 2001 $3,895 auto, leather, gorgeous. 610-524-8835 VW Beetle GLS 2000 $3,495 5 speed, sunroof, gorgeous 610-524-8835

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J A N U A R Y 1 9 - J A N U A R Y 2 5 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

billboard [ C I T Y PA P E R ]

J A N U A RY 1 9 - J A N U A RY 2 5 , 2 0 1 2 CALL 215-735-8444

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TEQUILA SUNRISE RECORDS

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THE EL BAR

Happy Hour Mondays-Fridays 5-7pm $2.50 Kenzinger Pints & More! 215-634-6430 www.myspace.com/the_el_bar

WEEKDAYS 5-7PM

17 Rotating Drafts Close to 200 Bottles

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DANCERS WANTED

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Fashion Fetish?

200+ steel boned corsets in stock size S-8XL Rubber-Leather-KiltsMore by 26 designers. PASSIONAL Boutique 704 S. 5th St. Noon-10PM, 7 days a week www.passionalboutique.com

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NEW AT THE EL BAR!!!

ROCK THE JOINT - FRI @ 8pm!

Enjoy Comedy in Philly

Happy hour everyday even weekends - from 5-7. 1/2 price on all 6 taps! Check out our upstairs game room with pool, darts, and some classic arcade games. On the corner of 10th & Watkins Streets in South Philly.

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SILK CITY DJ DEEJAY

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WATKINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DRINKERY

City Paper is very pleased to bring you our very first smartphone app! Just go to www.citypaper.net and click our martini glass icon to find out more, or type in â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Happy Hours in the app store, android marketplace, or blackberry app world. Click the orange martini icon and get drinking. No matter where you go or when you go, you can find the nearest happy hours to you with a single click! You can even sort through bars by preference or neighborhood.

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SOCIETY HILL LOAN

KENSINGTON HAPPY MEAL! EVERY DAY UNTIL 7PM 2 ALL BEEF HOT DOGS A PBR POUNDER A BAG OF CHIPS AND A TOY ALL FOR $5

The RYTHMN ROPERS Play WESTERN SWING! Plus: Roadhouse Radio DJs! Prizes for Best Dressed & Dancinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;! @ JACKs TWIN BAR $5 Broadway + Market Streets Glouchester City, NJ

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