Philadelphia City Paper, May 24th, 2012

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THEBORGATA.COM


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We made this

DIRECT IMPORTERS

Mandolins • Sitars • Ouds • Charangos Ukes • Dulcimers • Kalimbas • Didgeridoos Bodrans • Button Accordians • Irish Whistles Koto • Native Flutes • Harps • Djembes Tabla • Dumbeks • Talking Drums Steel Drums • Spanish Guitars Andean Instruments • Cajun Washboards Gold Tone Banjos • Surdos • Cuicas Pandeiros • Berimbau

UKULELES IN STOCK!

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AUTHENTIC INSTRUMENTS FROM THE USA AND AROUND THE WORLD

Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Samantha Melamed Web Editor/Food Editor Drew Lazor Arts Editor/Copy Chief Emily Guendelsberger Associate Editor/Movies Editor Josh Middleton Senior Writer Isaiah Thompson Staff Writer Daniel Denvir Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Bernard Brown, Chris Brown, Peter Burwasser, Anthony Campisi, Ryan Carey, Jane Cassady, Mark Cofta, Felicia D’Ambrosio, Jesse Delaney, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Cindy Fuchs, K. Ross Hoffman, Brian Howard, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Cassie Owens, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Robin Rice, Courtney Sexton, Lee Stabert, Andrew Thompson, Tom Tomorrow, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Bruce Walsh, Julia West, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Michael Blancato, James Friel, Michael Gold, Sabrina Golphin, Katie Linton, Brittany Thomas, Alexandra Weiss, Nina Willbach Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designers Brenna Adams, Matt Egger Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Office Manager/Sales Coordinator/Financial Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Senior Account Managers Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Chris Scartelli (ext. 215), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Marketing/Online Coordinator Jennifer Francano (ext. 252) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Sales Intern Chelsee Lebowitz Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel

the naked city

WORLD INSTRUMENTS

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Violins, trumpets, clarinets, flutes & saxes for students PROFESSIONAL WOODWIND & BRASS REPAIR

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N.Y. Export: Opus Jazz West Side Story choreographer Jerome Robbins’ “ballet in sneakers”

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May 31–June 3 Merriam Theater

contents

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SO D N TI ER F TO CK Y INA D ET OU LE A S R ! Y.

Food & Drink ...........................................................................65

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The Agenda ..............................................................................55

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Arts & Entertainment.........................................................42

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Ultimate Summer Fun Guide .......................................15

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Soloist Jermel Johnson | Photo: Dom Savini

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& Beside them, they dwell

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naked

the thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ +4 ]

The Barnes Foundation opens its new museum on the Parkway. “I’d be real careful with that membership agreement,” says the ghost of Albert Barnes.“Just getting it in writing isn’t enough with those people.”

[ -1 ]

The lawyer for Black Madam, arrested for performing illegal butt injections, says his client isn’t a flight risk because, among other things, she wears 4-inch heels. “And I’m not talking about shoes here, people. She’s done a lot of weird foot injections, too. It’s, uh … it’s pretty hideous.”

[ +2 ]

The New York Times and Washington Post praise the Barnes, while the Inquirer’s Inga Saffron pans it. “In fact, the entire concept of buildings is repulsive to me,” Saffron says from a podium made of branches and old tires. “All architecture is an affront to the divine, and roofs are only good for hiding our stinking bodies from the angry eyes of the creator.”

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[ -2 ]

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According to an expert from the Audubon Society, around 1,000 birds die by flying into Center City buildings every year. “I salute your efforts, noble birds!” cries Inga Saffron.

[ +2 ]

Two North Philly schoolchildren open a nokill animal shelter. And learn an important lesson about supply without demand.

[ 2]

The sanctuary of the historic St. Peter’s Church in Society Hill is closed due to fear of collapse. “Yes, yes!” howls Inga Saffron. “Let all the buildings in this foul city tumble to the ground!”

[ -3 ]

The Montgomery County man previously arrested for stealing women’s underwear is arrested again, this time for using a hidden camera to film up a woman’s skirt in King of Prussia Mall.“And you should have seen his face when we told him about the Internet, how it’s page after page of those lady butts he likes so much,” says arresting officer. “Damn if he didn’t start bawling right then and there.”

[ +1 ]

The city conducts a census of its homeless population. It’s probably a good idea to get some baseline stats before we stop feeding them.

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This week’s total: 1 | Last week’s total: 2

LOTS OF FRUSTRATION: Santiago Principe spent years cleaning up and fighting for a small lot in Kensington. NEAL SANTOS

[ red tape ]

PROPERTY PURGATORY A man’s 24-year quest to buy a single piece of vacant land from the city. By Samantha Melamed

I

n 24 years at Second and Cecil B. Moore, Santiago Principe has seen Kensington transform around him. He watched factories close — he himself used to work at an old munitions factory a few blocks away — and families flee once-vibrant row-house blocks. He saw gangs, drugs and crime take over, and residents grow fearful of venturing out at night. More recently, he’s seen a scattering of gentrifiers move in, filling new, modern houses built on long-vacant lots. One thing he thought he might never see was the deed to his side lot, on which he’d pinned his dreams of success as a restaurateur and which he says the city had promised to sell to him for $1, in 1988. Back then, Principe and his wife, Margarita, had agreed to clean up and acquire the lot, along with the next one over, both havens for short-dumpers and drug dealers. At first, he wanted to plant a garden; later, he hoped to build a roasting house for lechón, the Puerto Rican-style coal-roasted pig he serves at his restaurant, Lechonera Principe. He carted away 12 dumpsters of trash, and eventually received right of entry for the properties. But each time he tried to formalize the transaction, the price changed, and so did the rules. About 10 years ago, he says, the city relented, telling him the lot at 239 Cecil B. Moore Ave. was his for $800. “I said, ‘OK.’ But then they told me, ‘No, there’s a problem,’” he explained in Spanish. “Then

they sent me a letter saying I would have to pay $1,500, and I said, ‘OK.’ Then they said, ‘No, you have to fill out more documents.’” The exchange dragged on for months, then years. “Then the officer sent a letter saying it would have to be $12,000. And they said, ‘You have to pay the money quickly or we will sell it to someone else.’” It’s hard to pin down the amount of paperwork drawn up and time spent — by city officials, by Principe himself and by the nonprofit Finanta, which has been advocating for him — on this, by all accounts, not terribly desirable 810-square-foot tract of dirt and rubble. And it’s not clear why this particular lot took so very long to procure. What is evident is that Principe was mired in a dysfunctional system that has left an estimated 9,000 properties languishing under city ownership. It’s a system in which transactions stall indefinitely, prices can vary wildly (and change at the last minute) and numerous city departments can play a role in processing (or obstructing) land disposition. This week, the city outlined the long-awaited “Front Door,” a single point of purchase for vacant properties owned by the Philadelphia Redevelopment Authority (PRA), the Department of Public Property and the Philadelphia Housing Development Corp. While the associated website will make it easier to enter the process, Principe’s odyssey illustrates how circuitous that process can be even once a purchase is in the works — and how badly reform is needed. Councilwoman Maria Quiñones-Sánchez, who eventually helped with the acquisition, describes Principe as the type of person the

The price changed; so did the rules.

>>> continued on page 8


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[ a million stories ]

✚ SHAMING THE CITY Getting things done for constituents better — or faster, or cheaper, or with more fanfare — than the city can is an old City Council standby. Council members like fixing that pothole, getting that abandoned house demolished, closing down that nuisance bar. Sure, we pay the city to do those things already, and sure, getting something done faster, by way of Councilmanic intervention, might theoretically displace some other worthy project — but sometimes a little prodding and nudging by Council might be exactly what the doctor ordered when it comes to city services. Take, for example, the recent, perhaps somewhat embarrassing (for the city) innovations coming out of the office of 6th District Councilman Bobby Henon. Henon first started casting a shadow on the city administration when he announced that his office had developed a 311 app in just a few months, after the city itself had spent years failing to develop a version of said app. And the man isn’t a tech wizard — he’s a councilman, for crying out loud. But Henon’s latest feat is perhaps even more impressive. After realizing that Henon had started streaming live video of Council hearings — normally only to be found online on the city’s Channel 64 web page — on his own website, this reporter asked via Twitter whether the councilman might figure out how to archive the videos. It’s hard, after all, to catch them live. Why shouldn’t taxpayerfunded recordings be made available on-demand? After tweeting (in the middle of the hearing) that he’d look into it, Henon made the astounding announcement on Tuesday — only about a week later — that he had accomplished the task. You can now find archives of Council meetings on the councilman’s

website, bobbyhenon.com. Let’s hope the city makes like it did with 311 and decides to play catchup: Henon’s provided a great service, but one that should be the job of the city’s Office of Innovation & Technology — and one we shouldn’t need to ask for as a favor over Twitter. —Isaiah Thompson

hallmonitor By Isaiah Thompson

DOOR JAMS ³ ON MONDAY,the Philadelphia Redevelopment

✚ TAKE BACK THE BLIGHT June 20 will mark the fifth anniversary of the day most of a city block in Kensington went up in flames when an abandoned

factory — the Old Ayres-Philadelphia Inc. company, which manufactured horse blankets — caught fire in a seven-alarm blaze. Seven rowhomes were destroyed, and cars exploded on the street. The abandoned factory, it would turn out, had been owned by a city agency, and furious residents told reporters that the city had failed to keep it properly secured. The fire was a turning point for the Simple Way, a group of lefty evangelical Christians who lived on the corner and who raised money for displaced residents and, eventually, acquired some of the burned-out lots to make a small community park. But the big lot — the lot formerly occupied by the enormous factory — remained just that: a dirty, trash-strewn half-block-sized vacant lot that was the scourge of those who lived nearby. It became a site for dumping, drug dealing, dirt-bike joyriding and a few activities that don’t start with a D. For years, Simple Way — now a nonprofit organization — tried to get the land conveyed from the city for a nominal or small fee, but there was nothing doing. “They said they needed to make money from it,” recalls Jamie Moffett, a film producer and former Simple Way member who owns a >>> continued on page 12

photostream ³ submit to photostream@citypaper.net

GARY REED

✚ Send feedback to isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net

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Tents on the Schuylkill, No. 3

Authority gathered a small handful of reporters to announce the unofficial (“beta” was the word) launch of the city’s so-called “Front Door” for purchasing city-owned vacant land. The announcement has been a long time coming. When Mayor Nutter took office in 2008, his administration inherited, along with 9,000 vacant city-owned parcels, a tangled mess of policies, procedures and vested interests (see our story “Property Purgatory,” facing page). The administration began reassessing its inventory, and the mayor appointed a task force to come up with a new comprehensive policy that would be easier to use, more fair and — that holy grail of progressive public policy — transparent. It has taken nearly two years to unveil the results. The delay can be ascribed not to a lack of hard work, but perhaps to the challenges posed by the entrenched interests and territoriality that made the system so messy in the first place. That includes the sometimes-conflicting goals of different city offices and an institutionalized requirement that City Council approve all sales, placing great power in the hands of district Council members. The new policy provides an outline of the different purposes for which vacant land can be bought, including non-“market” uses like side yards, urban agriculture and community-development projects. Prospective buyers can, as of this week, visit a new (beta, people) website, search for city-owned vacant property on a cool map, apply to buy it and track the status of their applications. The online map alone, showing the location and owning agency of some 9,000 vacant properties, is a huge step and deserves praise. But behind that Front Door lurk the same bogeymen.When it comes to Council members’ disproportionate control over individual transactions, the new plan is not “intended to tackle that issue in any fashion,” as PRA director John Carpenter told reporters. That’s not his fault — the city charter requires that many sales be approved by Council — but there are signs that the administration is reluctant to open the door too far. The announcement included no specific reforms to policies within two of the biggest three land-holding agencies, the Department of Public Property and the Philadelphia Housing Development Corp. And while the new web system lets you apply to purchase land and track your progress, it doesn’t let you track others’ applications, raising more transparency issues. If the goal is transparency, let’s not settle for a beta version.

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[ is the scourge of those who live nearby ]

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✚ Property Purgatory

[ the naked city ]

<<< continued from page 6

city should be assisting, not stymieing. “He’s been taking care of the lot. It’s for a small-business expansion. It was touted as a new business in the American Street Empowerment Zone, as one of our success stories.” The Front Door, which is accessible through PRA’s website, will provide some clarity for prospective land purchasers, Sánchez believes, but since sales will still be handled by the various city departments, complications and confusion will remain. To solve issues like Principe’s, she says, the real cure is a citywide land bank to bring all those properties under the purview of a single agency, with transparent processes and a unified mission. The Front Door, she says, “is the first step, but it still doesn’t get us to that bigger conversation.” That is: “What’s the goal? Do you want to redevelop neighborhoods, or do you want to make money?” Vacant land is a city problem, but it could also be asset, she notes, creating space for affordable housing, urban farms and job-generating businesses like, say, Lechonera Principe. Yet redevelopment has not been a clear goal in the city’s vacant land policy in recent years. After Mayor Michael Nutter took office in 2008, he declared an end to discounts and giveaways, offering city properties only for “fair market value.” That crushed the opportunities for corruption that had existed during Mayor John Street’s administration, but created fresh hurdles for would-be purchasers. Since then, Sánchez says, her office has been so bogged down with vacant-land issues that she brought on a staff lawyer primarily to handle such matters. And the cessation of old vacant-land programs, such as the side-yard program Principe was involved in, left plenty of people in limbo. “A lot of people were in this pipeline or thought they were in this pipeline,” she says. Take Norris Square Neighborhood Project (NSNP), a community organization renowned for its six urban gardens, called Las Parcelas, ranging from three to 20 lots apiece. “We started gardening on this land when the city couldn’t give it away, literally. Nobody wanted this land,” says executive director Reed Davaz McGowan. “It was an area that people didn’t want to go into, and having vacant lots was dangerous. They were just filled with garbage. There was a lot of violence, crime, prostitution and drugs, and that was the heart of where it was happening.” NSNP began gardening more than 25 years ago, and has been working to formalize its ownership of Las Parcelas since 1996. Now the nonprofit owns about 90 percent of the lots; the process of acquiring the rest has been dragging on since 2002. “There was a strong commitment [from the city] to getting us to acquire the land. However, that commitment wasn’t always written down or followed through on,” she says. With the PRA, “We might not have gotten calls back for months. We might never have gotten a call back. It’s a huge, complex, crazy process.” And it’s a moving target: NSNP would make progress, but then procedures would change. Part of the problem is simply operational. But

part of it, some say, has to do with policy — in particular the commitment to “fair market value,” appraised based on three comparable recent sales. Sánchez and others say appraisals in Kensington can be drawn on so-called comparables in nearby but pricier neighborhoods like Northern Liberties and Fishtown, generating inflated values. Many question what market value even means when there’s virtually no market — for example, in the case of a certain pair of undersize lots at Second and Cecil B. Moore. Kevin Gillen, vice president at Econsult Corp., which just finished developing the city’s new plan for valuing its vacant land, says, “most of it doesn’t have much economic value. … Fifteen percent of properties do have some value.” He puts the value

“The city couldn’t give this land away.” of the average city-owned vacant parcel at $10 per square foot, far lower than citywide average of $20 to $30 per square foot. In Principe’s case, “the city was more interested in doing an appraisal and charging the appraisal value, regardless of whether it was market value or not,” says Luis Mora, president of Finanta, the lending and business-assistance organization that works with Principe. Mora says that, at the time negotiations were taking place, a nearly identical lot was listed for sale just around the corner for $5,000 — and there were no buyers. Moreover, charging market value means the price remains unknown until the very end of what could be a multiyear process. “That has been a real problem,” says Rick Sauer, executive director of the Philadelphia Association of Community Development Corporations. “They’ll say, ‘Well, this property is worth ‘X,’ but we’ll do an apprais>>> continued on page 10


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DO STILETTOS. DO FLIPFLOPS. DO BARE FEET.

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[ the naked city ]

Property Purgatory <<< continued from page 8

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“I had this dream for a long time, but they put up obstacles for me.â€? al closer to the closing.’ and then a property that was supposedly worth $2,000 is valued at $10,000.â€? The Front Door, and a price list that will soon be attached to it, could resolve that — but it leaves other issues unaddressed, Sauer says. “The different departments still have different processes. They have different legal requirements. They have different staffs. They have different missions and motivations.â€? That’s something the Front Door won’t solve. “you need a land bank to help achieve that.â€? In the meantime, says mora, “It’s who you have as a connection in the city — that’s the way it works.â€? Principe is evidence of that. In 2006, he paid the city $15,000 for the second side lot at 241 Cecil B. moore ave., which was part of the 1988 agreement. When it came to the other lot, at 239 Cecil B. moore ave., he went to Finanta. With help from mora and SĂĄnchez, he negotiated a price just under $5,000, with a $12,000 lien that takes effect if he sells in less than 10 years — an example of the creativity required to get deals done under the current system. mora says helping “invisibleâ€? citizens like Principe simply “was not understood as importantâ€? up until

now. However, the Front Door will formalize access to discounts for community uses, side yards, urban gardens like Las Parcelas and economic development — which may even include businesses like Principe’s. PRa spokesman Paul Chrystie says Principe’s case is “an outlier� — some deals take just a few months — and that he could find no record of the case before 2003 (though older files are archived, and mora has documents on the case going back years). as for Principe, he got his deed in march. Though he had to take on debt to cover the $5,000 and put plans like adding outdoor seating on the back burner, he is just happy that the city finally came through. “I’ve had this dream for a long time, and I’ve been developing it little by little, but they put up obstacles for me. There’s a lot of obstacles when you’re trying to do something legally. It can depress you and give you stress,� he says. “I’m trying to cook it away.� (samantha@citypaper.net)


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✚ a million stories

[ the naked city ]

<<< continued from page 7

property on Westmoreland Street. The property had also been identified by Impact Services CDC, a local nonprofit that develops affordable housing, as the ideal site for a senior center. Impact, acknowledges its community development leader Phyllis Martino, had held a de facto claim on the land for years, with the intention of developing a HUD-subsidized senior center. But in the years following the fire, the housing project simply never materialized and the lot remained. Rather suddenly, after five years of looking out at the loathed lot, some residents made a move on it a few weeks ago. The moment came after weeks of meetings between community members and Impact Services. The group had discussed painting tires and lining the lot with them, as well as buying topsoil — but that turned out to be too expensive. It was when the latest round of plans failed to materialize, says Maria Nieves, who lives on the corner of the block, that she finally snapped: “I blew up, and I said, ‘Let me handle it!’” Nieves began implementing the tire idea, lining the lot with piles of tires and painting them, with the help of her Simple Way neighbors, in bright, hopeful colors. It was a symbolic flag-planting. And it seems to have worked. With the tires declaring a new day on the lot, Impact Services’ Martino approached Councilwoman Maria Quiñones-Sánchez and asked for her help in getting the city’s managing director to dispatch to the scene the Pennsylvania Horticultural Society, which oversees the maintenance of 10,000 vacant lots citywide. “The councilwoman asked us to do this. It was on our list, we had planned to do it next fiscal year,” acknowledges Bob Grossman, who oversees PHS’ vacant-land stabilization work. “But because it was such a priority for the community, we scraped together the resources.” Within a week, the lot was cleaned, topped with soil, seeded for grass and surrounded by a white fence. The neighbors seem to love it. “Some of the [painted] tires are being retained,” Grossman added, “to give it some pizazz and —I.T. show that the community is taking over.”

✚ WAKE THE DEAD The city is in the midst of rolling out a new policy for valuing and selling its vacant land. But as for streets and the air rights over public sidewalks — those are still being given away for free. At least, that’s how it looked to some naysayers at Northern Liberties Neighbors Association (NLNA), where the community this week returned to the table — seven months and one councilman later — to negotiate with the owners of rowdy party bar Finnigan’s Wake, Democratic City Committee insiders who want to take over a block of tiny Bodine Street (between Green and Spring Garden streets) to make way for outdoor seating.

Last October, former Councilman Frank DiCicco had quietly introduced a bill to give the block to Finnigan’s — “a miscalculation,” says NLNA zoning chairman Larry Freedman, that led to a neighborhood uproar. A new proposal calls for a landscaped pedestrian walkway through Bodine Street — but with two massive decks installed on the bar’s Spring Garden Street side, implicitly to help fund the Bodine improvements. Some were curious to see if DiCicco’s 1st District successor, Mark Squilla, would approach things differently; and he promised to quash the plan if it didn’t have support. If this was a tale of two councilmen, the contrasts appear marked — for now. Last time around, Finnigan’s owner Mike Driscoll said the bar had been “very far along on this project before we

“I blew up and said, ‘I’ll handle it.’” put the brakes on” due to community outrage. “Maybe it was naïve,” he admitted. Someone asked Squilla if the city is looking to unload land like Bodine Street and sees it as a benefit. “They encourage it, in a way,” Squilla said. “They no longer have to maintain the street.” That drew laughs, since Bodine has been a mess for years — and was long blocked, with apparent impunity, by Finnigan’s, which used the alley to store its trash container. This time around, NLNA members were slightly more amenable to at least parts of the proposal. The new Bodine Street could be a “Little Dublin,” Driscoll said: A rendering showed landscaping and a photo-mural of faux-shop facades. But some residents, fed up with the bar’s drunken weekend hordes, weren’t swayed. One walked out, remarking, “It looks very pretty, but I’m totally against anything Finnigan’s wants to do.” —Samantha Melamed


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TWO FREE COMMUNITY SCREENINGS

JUNE 4 and JUNE 5 • 7PM

Christ Church Neighborhood House, 20 North American Street (19106 Phila)

CO-HOSTED BY

Equality PA, GALEI, Old Pine Street Presbyterian, William Way, Yes! Coalition and the Episcopal Church’s Southwark Deanery

More info: www.christchurchphila.org/lovefreeordie


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presents a W orld Premiere

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Written by Kara Lee Corthron Directed by Whit MacLaughlin T ickets ickets $18 - $35

JUNE 1 - 24

www.InterActTheatre.org

215.568.8079

Performances at the Main Stage of The Adrienne, 2030 Sansom Street, Phila,19103

#

UPCOMING JUNE EVENTS 2 Anniversary Arts Party 8 Seth Glier in Concert

15 Opera NJ 22 Voodudes in Concert

Top left: Foreground: Ernest Shaw, Sumo, 1994; Walter Dusenbery, Tempio Bretton, 1981, both Courtesy of The Sculpture Foundation, Inc.; Right photos by Marisa Rebecca for dmhphotographer.com

126 Sculptors Way, Hamilton, NJ 08619 (609) 586-0616 | groundsforsculpture.org | Open Tues-Sun, 10AM-6PM

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This program, including commissioning and presentation, has been supported by The Pew Center for Arts & Heritage through the Philadelphia Music Project and by the French American Cultural Exchange through The French-American Fund for Contemporary Music.

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Experience groundbreaking performances inspired by the renowned sculptor

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Concerts in the Garden

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University Square is home to cultural venues and public spaces that welcome a variety of people from campus and beyond. Catch a movie. See an art show. Cheer for collegiate sports at their best. Meet a group of friends or colleagues, or just grab a seat outside and take a break from your busy day.


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ENROLL TODAY! Classes for ADULTS, KIDS and TEENS Summer semester begins June 4! The Theatre School at

Call Now to Register 215-574-3550 ext. 510 Register online at WalnutStreetTheatre.org


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Book, Music and Lyrics by Michael Ogborn On stage Now - July 1

215.922.1122 ardentheatre.org 40 N. 2nd St, Old City, Philadelphia

Production Sponsor:

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Six strangers. One tulip. An intoxicating tale of obsession, greed, and the sport of extreme gardening.


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artsmusicmoviesmayhem

icepack By A.D. Amorosi

³ WE ARE, AT present, sandwiched between a gaggle of drunky-fests (this past weekend at Rittenhouse Row, Kensington, Italian Market) and Memorial Day weekend, the boozy three-day opening of the summer. This is a sober lull, and I’d like to fill it with conjecture and wobbly facts. ³ With everybody at Avram Hornik’s Four Corners Management nailing down planks and trimming hedges so the new Morgan’s Pier on Columbus Boulevard can open on time, it’s nice to announce that David Pianka — Making Time boss and professional rager — is a partner, along with R5’s Sean Agnew and Bowery Presents, in the riverfront enterprise. Diamond Dave will book big DJ talent when Lee Jones isn’t doing his Sundae joints. ³ I happened on a sign taped to the front o’ Fish saying the Gayborhood’s top seafaring foodery was closed due to flooding. But Eater.com and folks close to ownerMike Stollenwerk and investor Evan Prochniak say the Fish heads may simply have too many smelts to fry: the new spot in Independent Hotel,the expanded Fish empire, a Cajun restau-bar at Academy Houseand, supposedly, a new spot just vacated by Jolly Weldon’s Dueling Piano.³We’ve heard this before, but Philly’s Wadsworth Sisters have made it to the near-final round of auditions for the third season of NBC’s The Voice. They’re currently rehearsing for June 12’s World Café Live tribute to Levon Helm, co-starring Up the Chain, Birdie Busch,Bob Beach and Dr. Dog’s Eric Slick. In more Slick family news, axe-wielding sister Julie will release her second solo album, Terroir, in the next several months, but probably not before her work with Crimson ProjeKct (comprising usual mates from The Adrian Belew Power Trio merged with former King Crimson members) continues as the opening act for Dream Theater this summer. ³ There’s been a rumor brewing that the crew of Rumor, everyone’s least favorite Jersey Shoremeets-Skrillex-video-shoot danz klub, is looking for a spot to plant an offshoot somewhere between Columbus Boulevard and David Grasso’s intended North Philly live rock club (don’t ask, we don’t know). Thankfully, we’ve heard that cooler heads have prevailed for now. ³ Wedding-bell season began with a bang when Heshey Schlachterman of Legendary Dobbs fame married his gal-pal of 16 years (Jennifer) at Dobbs, complete with an open bar and Kenn Kweder serenade. The unions continue as Philly Style mag man John Colabelli and Lauren O’Dorisio marry on June 2 at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago and continue June 9 when PR maven Nicole Cashman binds forever to 611’s Nigel Richards attheFairmount Park Horticulture Center. Yay, youse. ³ Get thee to citypaper.net/ criticalmass for more Icepack. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

THE HOME TEAM: (L-R) Eric Daelhousen, Brandon Gulish, Sarah Gulish, Sarah Pisano, Georgia Scott, Jeff Scott and Rachel Scott. ELENA DIMI

[ music/proximity ]

TWO-FAMILY GARAGE A shared living space makes the members of Turning Violet Violet more in tune on their new album. By A.D. Amorosi

I

t’s no secret that band members often live together to save cash. Fishtown’s Turning Violet Violet has fine-tuned that domestic arrangement into something blissful and resourceful — an art form in itself. In a huge house on Montgomery Street, keyboardist/vocalist Sarah Gulish and drumming husband Brandon share space with guitarist Jeff Scott, his wife Rachel and their 10month-old child, Georgia. Sarah Gulish thinks of the house as an extension of the familial relationships built up around the band before it even formed. The row home full of natural light and art-covered walls has a cottage in its leafy garden. That’s the bungalow where Turning Violet Violet (TVV) wrote and practiced the warm brand of chipper chamber garage-pop on Double Cure, their new Brian McTearproduced album. To the sound of skuzzy ringing guitars, malleted drums, Sarah Pisano’s viola and Eric Daelhousen’s fluid basslines, Gulish sings about the homey joys of wallpaper, paint and afternoon tea one second and the figurative prison walls surrounding her the next. The couples moved in together with the intention of pooling resources and following the weird whimsy of their Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory namesake.

“We eat and play music together — a lot,” says Sarah, who emphasizes how being married means that she and Brandon “live and breathe” their music. That feeling only multiplied when they met Jeff Scott, acquired the house and made it a hub of inspiration and collusion. “Having a permanent practice space and studio means there are opportunities to grow ideas at any time,” she says. “It takes the collaborative boundaries off the creative aspect of music-making. It’s also helped to reshape our identity as a band.” “We all contribute equally,” says Jeff, who hung with the Gulishes before TVV. His wife became close with Sarah, friendships were solidified and the deal was made. The wives even attended the Philadelphia School of Circus Arts together and learned a doubles trapeze routine. “That routine was beautiful and amazing,” says Jeff. In fact, one of the band’s upcoming videos will feature a Circus Arts instructor’s rope act. Still, aren’t these pretty close quarters? “We have a wing to ourselves with our bedroom and a baby room,” Jeff says. “The house is so big, we never feel like we’re on top of each other. We cook and eat together at least four nights a week and spend weekends together. We probably wind up talking shop way too much.” Talking shop and hanging out has, in Jeff’s opinion, allowed the band to connect better and learn how to edit their rambling jams into blunt artgarage songs such as “Like an Onion.” Brandon Gulish considers the convenience of a practice space in their backyard a dream come true. “Being able to play with Jeff

“That routine was beautiful and amazing.”

>>> continued on page 44


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[ tragically devoured by coyotes ] ³ dvd

Quintessential record-geek band Saint Etienne has created the quintessential record-geek record in Words and Music by Saint Etienne (Universal), which is basically the LP equivalent of Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity: a loving, detailed celebration of pop fandom, from 7-inches to headphones to Internet message boards; from breathless anticipation of a long-awaited concert (in “Tonight,” one of several glistening, prototypically perfect dance-pop singles) to poplife’s deep, burning questions: “When I’m married and have kids, will Marc Bolan still be so important?” In this context, the answer can only be a resounding yes. —K. Ross Hoffman

Disney has been upgrading Studio Ghibli’s back catalog to high-def via an eccentric route, bypassing favorites like My Neighbor Totoro and Spirited Away. But along with the recently released The Secret World of Arrietty, the studio has spiffed up its old editions of Castle in the Sky and Whisper of the Heart. Castle is one of Ghibli godhead Hayao Miyazaki’s best, an airborne adventure full of mystery and grace, and Whisper is an intriguing if uneven hybrid, mixing Miyazaki’s fantasy with the domestic realism of his co-founder Isao Takahata — plus it features a winning Japanese version of John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Road.” —Sam Adams

³ comedy Somehow, even when he’s talking about leaving bloody knives in the trunks of rental cars or taunting TSA agents, ex-SNL writer Hannibal Buress comes off like the most reasonable man in the room. His second standup album, Animal Furnace (Comedy Central), is smart, silly, weird and probably the funniest thing you will hear this year. —Patrick Rapa

flickpick

SCOTLAND! Maybe it’s the wine talking, or maybe it’s just the wine talking. ³ OH, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. There is

³ rock/pop There’s plenty of sugary twee-pop out there, and then there’s Welsh eightsome The School, whose utter trifle of a sophomore album, Reading Too Much Into Things Like Everything (Elefant) is so achingly sweet that you’ll probably want to brush your teeth in between listens. These cheery, impeccably coiffed charmers, not a one longer than three minutes, have every handclap and horn chart, harmony and heartbreak perfectly in place, and Liz Hunt’s limpid, cupcake-frosting vocals could out-lollipop even Lesley Gore. But they never feel studied, just a tad bookish, even if they’re cribbing their lessons directly from the girl-group greats. —K. Ross Hoffman

[ movie review ]

I WISH [ B ] AT A QUIET moment in Hirokazu Kore-eda’s winsome drama about two broth-

actually a group of Scottish bagpipe players who have christened themselves The Red Hot Chilli [sic erat scriptum] Pipers, which means that (A) somewhere in South America there is a group of Andean flute players known as The Red Hot Chilean Pipers and (B) at least one music critic, having suffered the embarrassment of purchasing this CD, consumed nearly an entire bottle of wine before giving it a listen. Maybe it’s the wine talking, or maybe it’s just the wine talking, but The Red Hot Chilli (maybe the extra L is for the Ladies?) Pipers’ self-titled release on the REL label is actually a pretty sweet combination of traditional Scottish music and some rather innovative and completely unexpected percussive elements. “Break Your Bass Drone” not only wins Song Title of the Year (or should have, whatever year this import came out), but cries out to be sampled and dropped into some (or any) DJ’s next club mix. All in all, this album is a fitting tribute to the memory of the late Red Hot Chili Peppers, who were tragically devoured by coyotes under a bridge in the hills of Los Angeles this past March. That said, one still wishes that these lads (maybe that’s what the extra L is for?) would drop the gimmick, as it’s clearly not needed:They’re cool enough on their own. Then again, at least they didn’t call themselves “Aire Supply,” or “Scots Stapp,” or any other silly name you thought of before finishing the first goddamn paragraph. Verdict: Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ, this was really good.

✚ The Red Hot Chilli Pipers

The Red Hot Chilli Pipers

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ers separated by their parents’ divorce, the boys’ grandfather serves them traditional home-baked cakes made of yam and sugar. The brothers are underwhelmed at first by their subtle taste, but after a few thoughtful chews, one concludes, “This mellow flavor is growing on me.” Pointedly evoking Ozu’s The Flavor of Green Tea Over Rice, the line also serves as an embedded defense of the film itself, which is easy to mistake as a mere trifle. The flavor of I Wish does take a while to grow on you, although the problem is less its subtlety than its sweetness. Originally commissioned by Japanese Railways, whose Shinkansen bullet train serves as a conduit between the brothers, the film verges at times on fluff, its promotional origins showing less in overt proselytizing than in its unvarying feel-good tone. But there’s ample variation within that narrow scope as long as your instrument is properly calibrated. I Wish is a film of small and fleeting pleasures, passing, like a high-speed train, at a pace that is imperceptible from the inside and a blink of the eye to observers on the sidelines. The brothers scheme to reunite, eventually settling on a superstition that any wish will be granted if made at the precise moment that two bullet trains pass each other. As they live at opposite ends of the line, both set out for its geographical midpoint, trying to fix a fleeting instant in time. As in Kore-eda’s more pensive, and much richer, Still Walking, a sense of melancholy and even mortality waits perpetually in the wings, impinging on the children in ways they’re too young to contemplate. They know, at least, that their childhood is running out, ending as slowly as their parents’ marriage ended abruptly, and they don’t want their lives to run on separate tracks. I Wish provides a provisional happy ending to the brothers’ quest, but not far under its surface is a sense that life’s flavors, the keen as well as the faint, must always be savored quickly, lest they pass away for good. —Sam Adams

Small, fleeting pleasures.

MASTER SPRINTER: Separated by divorce, two imaginative brothers believe their hopes of being reunited will manifest via a high-speed train line.

aidorinvade Rodney Anonymous vs. the world

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any day of the week transformed the way we look at writing music,” says Brandon. “It’s allowed us to approach songwriting as constant evolution as opposed to a more disjointed affair.” TVV had always spent a lot of time together. “This house has become an extension of that environment,” says Sarah Gulish. As TVV’s members grew closer and more comfortable with each other, they became more willing to take risks and say hard things about their creative process. “That’s evident through our music,” Sarah says about the intimate introspection that can be heard on Double Cure. “The new songs are deeper and more personal than on our previous releases. That’s because we connect with the tunes more.” Brandon continues his wife’s thought: “Every member is so intertwined with the other that personal stories that one of us has are much more accessible to the other members. Everyone knows each others’ families,” he says. “We share a lot of the same friends and acquaintances. A number of songs revolve around my parents and Sarah’s family.” For example, he points to the song “Cold Bread.” “On the surface, ‘Cold Bread’ comes across as upbeat pop with cute backing vocals and big

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✚ Two-Family Garage <<< continued from page 42

“She had such a positive view of death.”

[ arts & entertainment ]

guitar hooks,” says Brandon. “Underneath, it’s a dark song about struggling to feel value in a marriage. Its themes of depression and suicide get masked by what seems like a poppy love song.” Sarah notes how “Take Away” is based on memories of her grandmother: “It’s about a conversation we had before she died last summer. She had such a positive view of death. I tried to capture her voice and her hopefulness.” The hope is that these deep, common relationships continue to enrich the songwriting. “We want to keep making music and playing together because we love doing it,” says Sarah, “but it’s not necessarily about one goal — it’s about doing this as much and as long as we can.” (a_amorosi@citypaper.net) ✚ Turning Violet Violet plays Sat., May 26, 8 p.m., $10, with Field Mouse, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215-2914919, kungfunecktie.com.


Jewelry Design

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re:view Alison Dell on art

WHERE THERE’S SMOKE … ³ WHY ARE STORMS and fire so fascinating? Why do burning houses always draw a crowd? Part of the attraction lies in the chaotic and unpredictable yet temporary energy of air and flames. Witnessing an incoming storm sweep across water, or watching a fireworks finale fizzle into smoke — that feeling of “nowness” is part of what keeps us riveted to the spot. In “Civil Dusk,” the most recent collaboration between Kate Stewart and Ward Davenny, the artists make the ephemeral doubly permanent, fixing smoke in place both as a medium and as a subject in a series of works that apply the formality of painting to an aestheticized vision of destructive force. These images start with a flat color ground on canvas — in this case, a warm, reflective orange-red, painted with gel that catches soot and fixes it in place. In a physically demanding process, the artists “paint” with tiki-like torches underneath the upside-down canvases, wafting curls of smoke up to be caught by the gel over and over, layering the density and opacity of the smoke’s mark. The work is sweaty and difficult, but the result is ethereal and delicate. The artists counter the chaos of fire by mounting an understated show — a line of large, stark canvases that traverse the Wilson Gallery at Moore. Considered from a distance, they seem like windows onto some horrible disaster outside, a roiling, red-lit landscape punctuated with billows of smoke. Close up, you can examine the density or translucence of the layered smoke and the

brush marks that define where the soot will stick to the canvas. At this level of examination the images break down somewhat, but it’s easier to appreciate the technique and imagine the physical challenges involved in producing them. Unlike the smoke-based portraits and drawings of South African artist Diane Victor (which are made with candle smoke directly on glass or paper), the abstract delicacy of Stewart’s and Davenny’s images undercuts the violence of the flames they use to make the work. The phrase “civil dusk” refers to the post-twilight time of day when the sun has dipped to six degrees below the horizon, leaving some objects distinguishable and some not. Though Stewart and Davenny do not provide an explanation of the title, one can imagine that the ambiguity of these images speaks to the borderline between disaster and beauty, between the day and darkness. Explorations of the sublime aspects of fire, disaster and storms are longtime interests of both Stewart and Davenny, and it’s engaging to see them use an object of their fascination to depict the thing that attracts them. On your way in or out of “Civil Dusk,” check out the exuberant “All Together Now,” also curated by Kaytie Johnson, at Moore’s Windows on Race Gallery. This group show celebrates the opening of Moore’s new across-the-Parkway neighbor, the relocated Barnes Foundation, with an energetic salon-style mishmash of Civil Dusk

[ arts & entertainment ]

works by 15 Philadelphia artists — traditionally framed paintings and drawings mounted alongside simulacra of saws and scissors in an homage to Albert Barnes’ habit of displaying Cézannes and Matisses alongside less-pedigreed artifacts like decorative door hinges and tools. (Though here, they’re laid out more in a squarish grid than the diamondloving Barnes likely would have used.) Some linear paintings on the east wall are strangely evocative of Charles Demuth’s Piano Mover’s Holiday, a 1919 painting which now lives across the street; other objects, like Mark Khaisman’s lightboxand-packing-tape renderings of furniture, pay tribute to Barnes’ love of household miscellany. And whether it’s intentional or not, Sarah Kate Burgess’ joyously frayed paper scissors don’t just refer to Barnes’ eccentricities of display; they’re an interesting link between these two exhibits at Moore — a thing used to create an image of itself. (editorial@citypaper.net) ✚ “Civil Dusk” runs through Aug. 18, “All Together

Now” runs through July 28, free, Galleries at Moore, 1916 Race St., 215-965-4027, thegalleriesatmoore.org.

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[ film ]

BASIC TRAINING

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A Drexel film student readies her emotional war short for the festival circuit. By Francesca

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Crozier-Fitzgerald

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[ arts & entertainment ]

The Small Tall Ship of Philadelphia THE SCOONER SUMMER WIND

215-900-7758 AmericanSailingTours.com History Sail - $40 Explore Philly’s Maritime Past Tropical Sail – 440 It’s a beach music party! Sunset Sail - $45 Philly’s most romantic evening Wine & Cheese Sail - $50 The best BYOB event around Moonlight Sail - $45 Sail under the stars!

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90 minute sailing tours on a Chinese Junk-rigged schooner

t’s a blustery February morning, and a group of actors huddles around portable heaters in a damp warehouse in Gloucester, N.J. They’ve just suited up in U.S. military garb, boots tied like they were told, and are waiting for orders from their director, Drexel University student Nicole Rosen. This vast, barren space would serve as the Iraq war scenes in her then-senior project, Toy Soldier, a fictional short currently being readied to make the film-festival rounds. The set got a crucial thumbs-up just before filming started. That’s when Sgt. 1st Class Terris Kolmorgan, a military instructor in Drexel University’s ROTC program, took a look around the warehouse — outfitted in fine detail with barracks, bunks, artillery and even a supply of readyto-eat military meal packages — “And he said, ‘Nicole, this is perfect.’ That meant everything, because he’s been there and done that.” Rosen began writing the film last summer, determined to explore an aspect of war that is often overlooked. “It’s not just the soldiers going off to war, it’s the whole family,” she says. “Toy Soldier is [about them, and] looking into yourself and asking, ‘What if this was my father or my brother?’” In preparation for writing the film, Rosen wanted to speak with people who have experienced war firsthand. That’s why she enlisted Kolmorgan, who’s done several tours in Iraq. Kolmorgan became a passionate critic and permanent technical advisor for her film. “He was my safety blanket, knowing he was there, making sure everything was accurate, I felt right representing the military.” Kolmorgan provided the authentic uniforms, boots, artillery and beds for the barracks scenes and conducted basic-training sessions for the actors. As Rosen recalls, “The weekend before we shot the war scenes, we met at the armory and my actors and [ROTC] soldiers got into formation, learned how to run, how to hold the guns, everything.” By comparison, creating an honest family

dynamic was easy. Having portrayed a PTSD-suffering soldier in another short war film, local actor Ed Aristone was familiar with the emotional demands of playing called-to-duty soldier David Gold. Chris Brodbeck, who plays Gold’s 8-year-old son, said he channeled feelings he encountered when helping a friend grieve and regain strength after his father was killed in the line of duty. Tackling a topic of this magnitude, at a time when deployment to and dispatches from war remain the reality for many American families, was not easy for Rosen and her two co-producers, Jess Herbine and Emily Marcouiller, and associate producer, Analis Barrood — also students at Drexel’s Westphal College of Media Arts & Design. College Film and Video program director Karin Kelly has been mentoring Rosen and her team since the film’s early stages. “From the very beginning Nicole was approaching this from a very respectful place,”

“She always held fast to her vision.” says Kelly. “She always held fast to her vision. She always held fast to what she thought was the soul of her script, to put a face on the families that she feels are impacted by war.” Currently in the final stages of editing, Toy Soldier is on the brink of its premiere screening. No longer a school project, it will be submitted to film festivals around the country. Rosen and her co-producers hope that, if only for the 15 minutes it takes to watch, the audience will get a sense of what military families go through. “There’s something wrong if you don’t feel that weight on your shoulders as well,” says Rosen. (editorial@citypaper.net) ✚ Toy Soldier debuts at Drexel’s Film and

Video Senior Show, Sun., June 3, 2 p.m., Bossone Auditorium, Drexel University, 3141 Chestnut St., toysoldierthefilm.com.


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[ arts & entertainment ]

[ blogs ]

Dishing with the creator of the blog When in Philly Gayborhood. By Nina Willbach

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s the city prepares for next month’s Pride festivities, it seems high time we discuss the hilarious Tumblr account that has all eyes on our gayest enclave. When in Philly Gayborhood, the funnier daughter of the already-established When in Philly Tumblr, follows a simple and effective formula: Take a typical, often highly specific Gayborhood situation (“When I’m trying to barter the Voyeur cover charge,” for example, or “When I cut through Chancellor Street to get to Tabu,” or “When the guy at Gay Pizza asks me how many slices I want”) and illustrate it with a complementary gif file (Kristin Wiig in Bridesmaids mouthing “Help me, I’m poor,” someone pulling off the track-to-track shortcut jump on Mario Kart’s Rainbow Road, Mathlete Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls declaring that “The limit does not exist!”). Since its creation last month, the site’s scored more than a quarter of a million views, but the person behind the keyboard remains a mystery — until now. We totally pulled our gay card to snag an interview with the blogger, who agreed to meet with us on the condition that we withhold his identity. So, in a dark corner of a littleknown basement restaurant on Camac Street, we met to chat about what it feels like to become an overnight Internet sensation, his mission for the blog and why he thinks it’s bringing families together. City Paper: How did you come up with the concept for the blog? When in Philly Gayborhood: I saw the When in Philly Tumblr

and thought, “We need something like this for the Gayborhood.” [I decided] I would make it and just send it to a bunch of my friends [for] a good laugh ... but all of a sudden it took off. I started my post Monday night and within two or three hours, I saw it on my Facebook news feed.

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CP: It sounds like it ended up being a bigger project than you

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anticipated. Do you let other people contribute? WIPG: I’ve had a lot of people write [to ask me to post about them], but I try to stay true to the Gayborhood and … not promote anyone. Drag queens who haven’t been on it are, like, “Please post about me!” And I’m, like, “When I find the gif that’s right for you, it will happen.”

“I’m calling out boozing and drag queens.”

CP: It’s like your blog has become a marker of Gayborhood fame. WIPG: I wouldn’t say Gayborhood fame, exactly. I think I’m kind of

calling out [things like] the boozing and the drag queens and things that people … haven’t necessarily voiced. The main thing I want people to take away from it is that I don’t hate the Gayborhood. We literally have a six-block radius of gay businesses, and we can come here and feel like a community. I think [the blog] caught on so quickly because everyone’s, like, “Oh my God, I can relate to that so much.”

in her “Crazy in Love” video]. People are, like, “I walk through that parking lot every single night and I think I know what I’m doing, because I know a shortcut,” when [in reality everyone does it]. CP: Do you ever get negative feedback from people? WIPG: I’ve gotten two comments saying that I’m gender-biased.

I’m gonna say 98 percent of the blog is focused on the gay-male experience. But ... I really don’t have any lesbian friends, and if I were gonna write about that I would just be writing about what other people think. That’s not what I want to do. CP: Do you feel like you have to hang out in the Gayborhood to understand your blog? WIPG: No. I’ve gotten countless messages — from London, Brazil, all over the world — from people who are, like, “I read your blog and in my head I’m substituting the bar names for the gay-bar names in my city, and I get it.” I had a guy [from the Gayborhood] tell me his mother, who lives in upstate Pennsylvania, sent him a link to my site, and he was, like, “How does my mother know about this before I do?” So I like to think my blog brings families together. I’m just one suicide note away from being an ABC Family original. Don’t put that in there. Or you can, whatever. (nina@citypaper.net) ✚ Read more at wheninphillygayborhood.tumblr.com.

CP: It seems like your blog has filled a void in the community. WIPG: I know after I created mine, one popped up in D.C., New

York and Chicago. I don’t know if it would have been successful if it had started in those cities, because those cities are so much bigger, but Philly is a smaller community where everyone could catch on. CP: Was there any one post that received a crazy amount of attention? WIPG: Oh, absolutely. The blog post that I get the most com-

ments about is “While Cutting through the Parking Lot at 13th and Locust.” It’s a gif of Beyoncé [strutting through a parking lot

✚ IT’S CRITICAL MASS IN APRIL! Add us to your RSS feed to keep updated on our what’s-happening-in-the-city columns, like Showdown, LOL With It, Bookish, Art Phag, Queued Up, Curator, and To-Do List, and as many concert and event photos as our busy little fingers can snap, on City Paper’s A&E blog, citypaper.net/criticalmass.


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movie

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shorts

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FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

Polisse

NEW

CONTINUING

CHERNOBYL DIARIES

THE AVENGERS|B+

Read Drew Lazor’s review at citypaper.net/movies. (Pearl, UA Riverview)

Knotting together storylines from nearly a decade of individual hero movies, The Avengers is Marvel property at its most decadent, with S.H.I.E.L.D. head Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) coaxing lone wolves like Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans) and the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) into crewing up to protect Earth from Loki (Tom Hiddleston), whose evil intentions were outlined meekly in last year’s craptastic Thor. Some personalities are naturally heftier than others, but director Joss Whedon levels the disparity via dialogue, even managing to work in a few zingers for the naturally humorless God of Thunder (Chris Hemsworth). Such super-humanizing, however cursory, makes The Avengers’ string of red-blooded action sequences that much easier to cheer for. —Drew Lazor (Pearl, UA Riverview)

I WISH|B

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Read Sam Adams’ review on p. 43. (Ritz at the Bourse)

MEN IN BLACK 3 Read Shaun Brady’s review at citypaper.net/movies. (Pearl, UA Riverview)

POLISSE|B+

COLUMBIA PICTURES PRESENTS IN ASSOCIATION WITH HEMISPHERE MEDIA CAPITAL AN AMBLIN ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION IN ASSOCIATION WITH PARKES + MACDONALD IMAGENATION A BARRYSONNENFELD FILM “MEN IN BLACK™3” JEMAINE CLEMENT EXECUTIVE MI C HAEL STUHLBARG AND EMMA THOMPSON MUSICBY DANNY ELFMAN PRODUCERS STEVEN SPIELBERG G.MAC BROWN BASED ON THE WRITTEN PRODUCED MALIBU COMIC BY LOWELL CUNNINGHAM BY ETAN COHEN BY WALTER F. PARKES AND LAURIE MACDONALD DIRECTED BY

BARRYSONNENFELD

FEATURING THE NEW SINGLE “BACK IN TIME” PERFORMED BY PITBULL LOCAL LISTINGS FOR STARTS FRIDAY, MAY 25 CHECK THEATERS AND SHOWTIMES

IN THEATERS IN

,

SEE IT ON A BIG SCREEN

, 3D AND 2D

French director Maïwenn’s unusual drama about the members of a Child Protection Unit of the French police force is wildly compelling. While the police are good at what they do, their home lives are a mess. A main storyline involves Melissa (Maïwenn), a photographer, following the cops as they work. Her observational perspective is a good parallel for both the director and the audience — but it also acts as a narrative crutch. The film is deliberately episodic: storylines depict everything from cops worrying over the fate of a homeless woman and her son to making jokes about a teenager who gives blowjobs to recover her cell phone. The cops’ camaraderie is palpable whether the team is celebrating in a nightclub or trying to catch a runaway junkie mother abducting/abusing her kid. But too much of Polisse insists that the cops aren’t shocked when discussing personal matters — only to show them jaded by what they’ve experienced, or using it to justify blowing off steam. Still, this absorbing film’s curious finale packs a wallop. —Gary M. Kramer (Ritz East)

BATTLESHIP|CThe dull board game that inspired this Rihanna-augmented microwave dinner of a movie is nodded at but not overworked, and for the most part Battleship’s battle scenes are lithe and snappy. The more painful sequences involve the insincere stroking of the armed forces. Director Peter Berg-cast combat vet Colonel Gregory D. Gadson, who lost both his legs in Operation Iraqi Freedom, is relegated to bad cyborg jokes and Greco-Roman wrestling with a CGI spaceman. And while the director has said he’s honoring the elderly sailors he carts out for a sequence aboard the USS Missouri, it comes off as more of a patronizing pat on the head than a respectful salute. Real-life heroes, and not ones played by pretty boys with prettier hair, deserve a little better. —D.L. (Pearl, UA Riverview)


Joss Whedon and co-writer/director Drew Goddard have created a mashup of Sam Raimi and Joseph Campbell that recognizes the primal appeal of some of our lowest-brow viewing habits. The Cabin in the Woods deconstructs its targets while elevating them to the status of modern mythology. Ultimately, it moves past sending up what we watch into questioning why we watch, albeit in a self-conscious, tongue-in-cheek manner. Down to its satisfying endgame cameo, the film cleverly balances being about horror flicks and still being a horror flick — the rare movie that manages to have its brains and eat them, too. —S.B. (Pearl)

DARK SHADOWS|CAfter being unearthed by a construction crew, Barnabas Collins’ (Depp)

ELLES|B-

THE DICTATOR | C The despised leader of fictional Wadiya, the racist, sexist, idiotic Admiral General Aladeen (Sacha Baron Cohen) is at once power-drunk and powerless, but has no idea the numerous “executions” he’s demanded have resulted in backdoor immigration to New York, the city he’s forced to visit by the U.N. Scheduled to appear before the world to address suspicions he’s gone nuclear, Aladeen is quickly double-crossed by his second-in-command, replaced by a puppet look-alike and left for dead in America, where he falls into a day job at the hippy-dippy organic commune of Zoey (Anna Faris). On its face, The Dictator skewers the post-9/11 unease

"

many Americans wrestle with when it comes to unfamiliar Muslim nations, but the jokes are not as satirical as they are plain old sticky. Long-form cracks about Osama bin Laden’s restroom habits, masturbation and Cohen’s long-term love, the vagina, may be funny, but the scales are tipped so far to the scatological side that the goofs just hang in the air, stinking up the joint and distracting from his more lucid ideas. —D.L. (Pearl, UA Riverview)

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THE CABIN IN THE WOODS|B+

[ movie shorts ]

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There is an undeniable appeal to gathering this many high-caliber veteran British thespians in one place and letting them just go about being charming to one another. Judi Dench is a widow in search of a life, Tom Wilkinson is a retired judge rediscovering his past, Maggie Smith is a bigot in need of an operation, and Bill Nighy and Penelope Wilton are a constantly sparring married couple. They all end up at the same rundown hotel in India, where a colorful backdrop and strange food offer resolutions to each of their stories — which are not in any way exotic. The scenery is picturesque, each actor has his or her share of moments, but there’s not much here you couldn’t find on a tour bus full of retirees. —Shaun Brady (Ritz Five)

entry into modernity (early-’70s Maine) is heavy on this-modern-life gags — hardy har, he doesn’t know what McDonald’s is and thinks Alice Cooper is a woman. Depp’s Barnabas is more scrappy and humorous than Jonathan Frid’s TV original, but the flappy trappings of the love triangle between he, Victoria and Angelique temper any real exploration of the character, comical or not. Director Tim Burton treats Chloe Grace Moretz, Michelle Pfeiffer and Jackie Earle Haley, all great actors with something to contribute, as afterthoughts, too wrapped up in his own brand to let the right film in. —D.L. (Roxy, Pearl, UA Riverview)

the naked city | feature

THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL|C

The NC-17-rated Elles is about sex, and it features it graphically, but it’s not sexy. This mostly engaging story concerns Anne (Juliette Binoche), an ELLE magazine freelance writer interviewing female students who work as escorts. Working on the story “changes” her. Is Anne’s husband likely to be one of Lola’s clients? Does Anne overstep her bounds with the girls? Elles forcibly suggests these questions. This glossy film makes mostly familiar points about power, control and how women are exploited. More affecting is the sadness Anne feels about her life as she develops empathy for the girls and tries to instill the same values in her kids. Her empowerment is the key

++++! A CHEERFULLY TWISTED 1/ 2

TRUE-CRIME TEXAS COMEDY." – Steven Rea, PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

" JACK

BLACK IS BRILLIANT." – Betsy Sharkey, LOS ANGELES TIMES

The whole second half of the film is a nonstop smile.” – Stuart Klawans, THE NATION

I LOVED ‘I WISH’.

A gem of world cinema by a gifted master of the craft.”

– Jason Solomons, THE GUARDIAN

“DELICATE

AND OBSERVANT —

a lovely and piquant examination of childhood.”

– A.O. Scott, THE NEW YORK TIMES

WWW.MAGPICTURES.COM/IWISH

EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENT

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I WAS SO RELUCTANT TO LET GO OF THE MOVIE THAT I SAT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE FINAL CREDITS. “


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to the film, and the luminous Binoche’s fearless performance makes viewers care for her. —G.M.K. (Roxy)

FIRST POSITION|B“I guess that’s flexible,” says 17-year-old Rebecca Houseknecht as she stretches her leg so her foot goes over her head — way over her head. Rebecca’s one of six young dancers profiled in Bess Kargman’s doc, and the one who seems most able to describe herself apart from her training. The children’s parents and instructors are equally devoted to the children’s incipient careers. Twelve-year-old Miko’s teacher suggests she be homeschooled so she can have more time to practice ballet. This offers brief insight into a raft of issues the film doesn’t engage. What makes these children seem made for ballet and, perhaps more significantly, for this film? They’re dedicated, articulate and they’re all very good at smiling — that is, helping adults believe what they want to believe about skill, beauty, art and kids. —Cindy Fuchs (Ritz Five)

HEADHUNTERS|B Art thief Roger Brown (Aksel Hennie) tries to nab a Rubens, but things sour and he’s forced to run. The ensuing cat-and-mouse chase is anything but original, yet Hennie’s nuanced performance makes the proceedings feel welcomingly fresh. As arrogant antihero Roger suffers a near-fatal car crash and endeavors to change his identity, Hennie injects the right hint of vulnerability into his character. That meekness is what makes the film, riddled with sloppy sentimentality and occasional crudeness, palatable. —Michael Gold (Ritz at the Bourse)

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MONSIEUR LAZHAR|A Monsieur Lazhar opens with kids

playing in a Montréal public-school yard only moments before 11-yearold Simon runs inside to discover his teacher hanging from the ceiling of her classroom. With her school thrown into an emotional tizzy, the principal hires the first pleasant face with a résumé to walk into her office, an Algerian transplant named Bachir Lazhar (Mohamed Fellag), who we soon discover is grappling with a heavy heart of his own. Weaving cinematic parallels between the emotional development of the teacher and his students, the film brings up a lot of real-world issues, but the real joy of it is in the classroom, where Fellag and a cast of talented ’tweens draw up a lesson plan about dealing with tragedy and finding that glowing exit sign at the end of a dark hall. —Josh Middleton (Ritz Five)

SURVIVING PROGRESS|B “It seems like we’re stuck in this trap for the past 200 years, where we think progress is more of the same, that we should make our machines better and make more machines.” As Ronald Wright speaks, you see time-lapse images of traffic and construction and industry, machines in relentless motion. These machines embody the question at the center of Mathieu Roy and Harold Crooks’ film, inspired by Wright’s book, A Short History of Progress.The film assembles a number of talking heads to ponder the contradictions of such machines, including Jane Goodall (Chimp brains are like and not like human brains), Margaret Atwood (“The World is this big finite sum”) and human-rights activist Kambale Musavuli, who explains how Western banks abuse emerging economies for profit. Linking biology and economics, the movie makes yet another case against Wall Street and also for a “moral” progress, one that will curtail

the machines. It’s one of those “pretty to think so” arguments, but it’s also pretty convincing. —C.F. (Ritz at the Bourse)

WE HAVE A POPE|B+ Dr. Bruzzi arrives at the Vatican to treat Cardinal Melville (Michel Piccoli), the newly elected Pope who’s suffering an unexpected crisis of confidence. When Melville escapes into the outside world, Bruzzi devises a new, fairer way to conduct an election with a volleyball tournament. The preposterousness of this approach only makes clear the general preposterousness of electing a pontiff. But if everyone else turns increasingly silly, Melville, pretending to be an actor, has a revelation: The Church, the politics and the public presentations are indeed acting. The irony, the film asserts, is that coming to this honest appraisal makes Melville both better suited and less able to serve the faithful. —C.F. (Ritz at the Bourse)

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING|D Heidi Murkoff’s guide to pregnancy has sold something like a ridicuzillion copies, so it’s no wonder its name has been grafted onto a star-studded omnibus rom-com. Pitched directly to women who likely have a dog-eared copy of the book close at hand, What to Expect avoids any humor aimed at panicky expectant mothers, instead alternating between maternal-glow beaming and body-fluid grousing. The male half of the equation, on the other hand, is fair game. The film’s five couples are composed of strong, if neurotic, women and reluctant or hapless men. If the situations that these mothers-to-be find themselves in relate in any way to the titular guidebook, then millions of women could have saved themselves a few bucks and shelf space. Every lesson on view here has been taught countless

[ movie shorts ]

times, often with more intelligence and humor, on sitcoms and soap operas. —S.B. (Pearl, UA Riverview)

THE AWESOME FEST

look downright angelic compared to the violent antics of Alex (Malcolm McDowell) and his droogs. Fri., May 25, 10 p.m., free. Casablanca (1942, U.S., 102 min.): See this classic, or you’ll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. Sun., May 27, 8 p.m., free. Take the Money and Run (1969, U.S., 85 min.): Woody Allen’s tale of an incompetent bank robber helped establish the mockumentary genre. Wed., May 30, 8:30 p.m., free.

The Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215-9226888, thetroc.com. Degenerate Art:

RAYMOND AND MIRIAM KLEIN JCC

✚ REPERTORY FILM AMBLER THEATER 108 E. Butler Ave., Ambler, 215-3457855, amblertheater.org. Second-Story Man (2011, U.S., 105 min.): When an alcoholic security guard murders his wife, a small-heist crook sets out for revenge. Thu., May 24, 7:30 p.m., $9.75.

The Art & Culture of Glass Pipes

(2011, U.S., 74 min.): A look at the subversive artistry that goes into crafting pieces. Live glass-blowing demo and talk with the director after the screening. Tue., May 29, 8 p.m., $10.

10100 Jamison Ave., 215-698-7300, kleinjcc.org. Making Trouble (2007, U.S., 85 min.): A century-spanning look at funny Jewish ladies and the laugh-hungry audiences they spawned. Tue., May 29, 10 a.m., $9.

BRYN MAWR FILM INSTITUTE

SCRIBE VIDEO CENTER

824 W. Lancaster Ave., Bryn Mawr, 610-527-9898, brynmawrfilm.org. From Here to Eternity (1953, U.S., 118 min.): With Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster going at it on the beach, sand will never seem sexier. Wed., May 30, 7 p.m., $10.

New Africa Center, 4243 Lancaster Ave., 215-222-4201, scribe.org. Seeds of Awakening: The Early Nation of Islam in Philadelphia (2011,

U.S., 14 min.): This doc, produced through one of Scribe’s community media projects, looks at the growth of the black nationalist Nation of Islam movement in the City of Brotherly Love. Fri., May 25, 7 p.m., free.

COLONIAL THEATRE 227 Bridge St., Phoenixville, 610917-1228, thecolonialtheatre.com. The Blackboard Jungle (1955, U.S., 101 min.): For his first teaching job, a Korean war vet struggles with rough-and-tumble students (including Sidney Poitier) in a New York City school. Sun., May 27, 2 p.m., $8.

More on:

citypaper.net

NOMAD PIZZA 611 S. Seventh St., 215-238-0900, nomadpizzaco.com. A Clockwork Orange (1971, U.S., 136 min.): Flash mobs

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To enter for a chance to win two run of engagement passes text MADDY with your ZIP CODE to 43549 (Example Text: MADDY 19103) THIS FILM IS RATED R FOR SEQUENCES OF STRONG BLOODY HORROR VIOLENCE AND GORE, GRAPHIC NUDITY, SEXUAL CONTENT, LANGUAGE AND SOME DRUG USE. No purchase necessary. Must be 17 years of age or older to enter contest and attend screening. Deadline for entries is Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 5PM ET. Theater is overbooked to ensure a full house. Arrive early. Tickets received through this promotion do not guarantee admission. There is no charge to text 43KIX. Message and data rates from your wireless carrier may apply. Text HELP for info, STOP to opt-out. One entry per cell phone number. Late and/ or duplicate entries will not be considered. Winners will be notified electronically. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. No one will be admitted without a ticket or after the screening begins. Anti-piracy security will be in place at this screening. By attending, you agree to comply with all security requirements. All federal, state, and local regulations apply. Dimension Films, The Philadelphia City Paper and their affiliates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred, or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible for lost, delayed, or misd rected entries,phone failures, or tampering. Void where prohibited by law.

IN THEATERS AND VIDEO ON DEMAND JUNE 1

To enter for a chance to win two tickets text WILLIAM with your ZIP CODE to 43549 (Example: WILLIAM 19103) NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. While supplies last. There is no charge to text 43KIX. Message and data rates from your wireless carrier may apply. Text HELP for info, STOP to opt-out. One entry per cell phone number. Late and/or duplicate entries will not be considered. Winners will be notified by phone. This film is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, and brief sensuality. Must be 13 years of age to enter contest and attend screening. Sponsors are not responsible forlost or redirected entries, phone failures, or tampering. Employees of Universal Pictures and the Philadelphia City Paper are not eligible. Deadline for entries is Thursday, May 24 at 5:00 PM ET.

IN THEATERS JUNE 1 www.snowwhiteandthehuntsmanmovie.com


agenda LISTINGS@CITYPAPER.NET | MAY 24 - MAY 30

the agenda

[ straight-faced and playfully skronky ]

the naked city | feature | a&e

the

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ROOF ROCK: Simian Mobile Disco plays Voyeur tonight. KATE MOROSS

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/listings. IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED:

THURSDAY

5.24 [ dance/electronic ]

✚ SIMIAN MOBILE DISCO After launching their dancemusic career as indie-friendly purveyors of brashly anthemic, vocal-heavy electrohouse, erstwhile Brit-poppers James Ford and James Shaw

—K. Ross Hoffman Thu., May 24, 10 p.m., $10, with Snacks DJs, Voyeur, 1221 Saint James St., igetrvng.com.

[ rock/folk/tribute ]

✚ BOB DYLAN B’DAY BASH On a yearly basis, two old friends from Philly get together and throw a birthday party for Bob Dylan. That the pals happen to be veteran troubadours Kenn Kweder and Jon Houlon means that the group of collaborators they find to join them is stellar, and their covers well thought out. “It will be a no-repeat event,” says Houlon, also known for his work with John Train, about the party’s main rule: Two artists can’t cover the same Dylan tune. Adam Brodsky sings “Like a Rolling Stone.” The Philadelphia Ukulele Orchestra swings “The Man in Me.” Michael Tearson will perform “Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues.” Houlon promises more female artists than usual, along with the return of traveling folkies such as the long-gone John Francis. Most exciting, though, is the par-

ticipation of internationally renowned author/singer John Wesley Harding. Now living in the Philadelphia area with his family, Wes will sing the rarely performed “Abandoned Love.” —A.D. Amorosi Thu., May 24, 7 p.m., free, Rembrandt’s, 741 N. 23rd St., 215-763-2228, rembrandts.com.

FRIDAY

5.25 [ rock/pop/fest ]

✚ SUNDROP MUSIC AND ARTS FESTIVAL It would be utterly ridiculous to list all the excellent local acts playing this weekend’s massive Sundrop fest in Northern Liberties. It’s three nights and two days of Phillyspawned rock, folk, pop and hip-hop. The evening shows

are $10 a pop at the Fire and feature, among others, acts like Andrew Lipke (Friday), Illinois (Saturday) and Kuf Knotz (Sunday). The big ol’ outdoor shows are free, and all ages; just look for the stage at Fourth and Girard. Saturday’s got the Shakes, the Really Cooks, Conversations with Enemies and more. Sunday, meanwhile, features some of the above plus Lauryn Peacock, Ross Bellenoit, Griz, Sisters 3 and, of course, more. —Patrick Rapa Fri.-Sun., May 25-27, The Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298, for complete breakdown of performers, times and prices, see facebook.com/ sundropmusicandartsfestival.

[ theater ]

✚ REASONS TO BE PRETTY

—A.D. Amorosi May 25-June 24, $46-$59, Suzanne Roberts Theatre, 480 S. Broad St., 215-925-0420, philadelphiatheatrecompany.org.

[ rock/pop ]

✚ GARBAGE Garbage will never be trendy again. Though their consider-

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Neil LaBute is known for his depictions of breathtaking cruelty — his misanthropes have been most widely seen onscreen, via the legendarily

nasty screenplays for In the Company of Men and Your Friends & Neighbors, but primarily on stage, most recently in hard, harsh plays like In a Dark Dark House and Filthy Talk for Troubled Times. His 2008 play Reasons to be Pretty, however, is a beast of another color. Though as raw as LaBute’s other works, there’s a teenaged awkwardness here, a gentle sway to the rhythms of how his four characters wield the power of words, a less deliberately cutting session of disillusionment. That doesn’t mean his characters aren’t out for blood — they’re just slower and sillier about it.

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Submit information by email (listings@citypaper.net) to Josh Middleton or enter them yourself at citypaper.net/submit-event with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

performed a startling volteface in 2010 with the austere, anxiety-ridden Delicacies, a stark defection into hardedged long-form electronica. The duo’s latest iteration is something of a compromise, synthesizing the divergent impulses of their career to date. Unpatterns (Wichita) — whose title is, incidentally, either ironic or a bald-faced lie — retains its predecessor’s percolating, pointillist minimalism and track-based focus. But it trades the seedily sinister tone for something more generous and enveloping (if not exactly sunny), while echoing their early work’s poppier leanings with a handful of mesmeric, soulful vocal samples (a la Primitive Radio Gods/Teengirl Fantasy) that are massaged, warped and woven into the album’s sinuous, oscillating moiré.


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ELIAS TAHAN

able influence on post-millennial pop (from Evanescence and the Veronicas to electro-clash and Crystal Castles) remains largely unacknowledged, Shirley Manson and co. are hardly concerned with pushing things forward. And that works out just fine on Not Your Kind of People (Stunvolume), a tart, toothsome comeback that revisits their signature cocktail of rock crunch and spiky electro-pop fizz. Manson’s stingray voice and the

band’s trusty/timeworn box of production tools are as sharp as ever, and the new album nails a sweet spot that remains

surprisingly potent. —K. Ross Hoffman

release show on Friday. —Patrick Rapa

on equally bothered comic Marc Maron’s WTF podcast offer only clues to the source of his nervous, energetic ire.

Fri., May 25, 9 p.m., $29.50-$39.50, House of Blues Atlantic City, 801 Boardwalk, Atlantic City, N.J., 609236-2583, houseofblues.com.

Fri., May 25, 7:30 p.m., $6 ($12 includes album), with Slutever and Ted Nguyent, Elena’s Soul, 4912 Baltimore Ave., 215724-3043, elenassoul.com.

[ rock/pop ]

[ comedy/asshole ]

Fri., May 25, 8 p.m., $20, Underground Arts at the Wolf Building, 1200 Callowhill St., undergroundarts.org.

✚ THE LOVE CLUB

✚ EDDIE PEPITONE

[ rock/pop ]

Dirty, clangy Philly blues act The Love Club didn’t waste a lot of time dreaming up a title for its first full-length album, which gets its official release Friday: They went with The Love Club Full Length. Actually, the “they� is really singer-guitarist Mitch Esparza — who also plays under the name (((taco))) sometimes — and a rotating cast of characters, and the simple approach works just fine for their messy, stripped-down Deltablues sound. Expect something raw, loud and unique at the

“The Bitter Buddha� — Eddie Pepitone’s nickname fits him like a condom. There’s a dreary, doleful resignation to his standup that would come across as darkly peaceful if it wasn’t so damned haunted. The weighty monologue-ist, with film and television credits ranging from The Sarah Silverman Program to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia to Conan, somehow keeps going even after he’s given in to some mysteriously weightier, unseen force. Last year’s A Great Stillness and an appearance

—A.D. Amorosi

✚ THE POLYPHONIC SPREE/ATTIA TAYLOR Remember the big splash the Polyphonic Spree made when it burst on the scene in the wee early 2000s with its sparkling futuristic chorale sound? OK, me neither. That’s why you should get to the TLA early on Friday for Philly songtrix Attia Taylor. The Girard College grad, who did her time in the Girls Rock Philly educational program (so much time that she’s currently a camp counselor), has a bedroom voice to go with her lo-fi basement-

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recorded sound — just perfect for her dreamily psychedelic brand of alterna-pop. The Bands in the Backyard kids (surely you’ve checked out bitby.tv by now) will be in the house filming several of Taylor’s new songs. As for Tim DeLaughter and his sprightly troupe of Texans, you tell me what you remember. —A.D. Amorosi Fri., May 25, 7 p.m., $18-$21, with Sweet Lee Morrow and New Fumes, TLA, 334 South St., 215-922-1011, livenation.com, bitby.tv.

[ jazz ]

✚ BUCKY PIZZARELLI At 86, guitarist Bucky Pizzarelli provides a direct link to jazz history. He played with Benny Goodman and in Doc Severinsen’s Tonight Show band, backed Dion and the Belmonts in the studio and passed along his genes to bassist Martin and guitarist/vocalist John Pizzarelli,

[ the agenda ]

both torchbearers for their dad’s brand of laid-back swing. Apparently averse to retirement, Pizzarelli continues to be an exemplar of amiable virtuosity as he nears his 90s. He’ll be joined by bassist/singer Nicki Parrott and drummer/vibraphonist Chuck Redd, who spent years alongside Django acolyte Charlie Byrd, to stroll through some classics. —Shaun Brady Fri., May 25, 5 p.m., free with regular admission of $16, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Ben Franklin Parkway, 215-763-8100, philamuseum.org.

[ rock/jazz/noise ]

✚ BLACK DICE The last time I spied Aaron Warren and Eric and Bjorn Copeland’s primitive Black


BARBARA SOTO

Fri., May 25, 8:30 p.m., $10, with FarOut Fangtooth and Nah, Underground Arts at the Wolf Building, 1200 Callowhill St., r5productions.com.

and punk/alt-drag chanteuse Tammy Faymous. —Michael Gold

[ rock/cabaret/lgbtq ]

✚ PHREAK ’N’ QUEER FUNDRAISER Summer in Philly brings fest after fest, but few can match the joyful edginess promised by the Phreak ’n’ Queer Arts and Music Festival. After last year’s showcase of alternative LGBTQ-themed fare (think experimental drag and queercore rather than Pride), the festival is planning an encore for August. Before that comes the fundraising. Girl-rocker showcase Sugar Town is helping out by sponsoring tonight’s benefit, which features a slate of musicians and performers from across the rainbow spectrum. Among those joining Philly burlesque mainstays Liberty City Kings are “zombie pop” dance divas Rainbow Destroyer (who recently opened for RuPaul’s Drag Race champ Sharon Needles)

Sat., May 26, 11 p.m., $5, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215-2914919, kungfunecktie.com.

[ museums ]

✚ BARNES FOUNDATION The old Barnes Foundation mansion had inextricable charm and significance, but its idyllic suburban setting could be frustratingly inaccessible for non-Merion residents. After a well-documented legal battle, a polemic documentary and months of unsightly construction, Albert Barnes’ heralded art collection will be open to the public again in its new home on the Parkway. The sprawling arboretum may be gone, but by all accounts the spirit of Barnes’ eclectically arranged collection has been carefully preserved. To celebrate the move, the gallery’s owners are offering free admission for 56 consecutive hours,

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—A.D. Amorosi

5.26

[ the agenda ]

the agenda

just a little more melody to the propulsive proceedings. Along with increasing the volume on their power-tool electronics, Black Dice have allowed shades of gray and streaks of color to seep into their bleak tones.

SATURDAY

the naked city | feature | a&e

Dice, they were splaying their blaring brand of discordant funk, punk and junk-jazz onto a slam-dancing crowd of Johnny Brendians. The floor was a mess. The curtains were a mess. Things went from raw to rawer and blunt to blunter as the night went on. Some moments weren’t even songs, just explosive blips. But such magnificent blips. With 15-plus-years experience behind it, the Dice’s new Mr. Impossible (Ribbon) adds

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World Cafe Live 0(), !$%,0()! s % 34

shoppingspree

Âł PERSONAL SHOPPER

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Sure, we’re all for a Zooey Deschanel level of vintage charm, but sometimes we bypass that dorky quirk for a touch of old-school sophistication. And while the hunt is part of the fun, we don’t mind when someone lays out a meticulously handpicked collection for us to choose from. So naturally, we became giddy when we learned about Curated Goods in NoLibs. Justin-Julius Santos is the dapper gent behind the new boutique, which he describes as an overflowing apartment turned Internet shop. “I was finally pushed to open an online store when my friends started offering to buy items from my flat,� explains Santos. “I said, ‘Why not?’ I have so much other stuff that I can replace it with.� So much, in fact that even the web wasn’t big enough to contain his collection of fine clothing and housewares; hence, the brick-and-mortar store, which opened earlier this month. Santos is just the kind of guy you want dressing you. And for a price, he will. “I started the personal shopping about two years ago for friends. I guess I’ve always done it for friends since they always asked me to go shopping with them,� he explains. “About a year ago I started to get real clients — mostly busy executives who work too much and don’t have time to shop for themselves.� Santos typically charges 40 percent of a client’s clothing budget for his shopping skills. As you can probably grasp from the name, shopping at Curated Goods is like exploring the closet of your most stylish bestie. From shoes to dresses to antique furniture, everything here has a sleek, alluring silhouette. There’s an undeniable Mad Men appeal that we can’t shake — as if we’d want to. 421 Fairmount Ave., 215-609-4363, shopcuratedgoods.com. (julia.west@citypaper.net)

the agenda

JUSTIN-JULIUS SANTOS

By Julia West

the naked city | feature | a&e

[ the agenda ]

Have an upcoming shopping event? Give it here. E-mail listings@citypaper.net.

—Michael Gold Sat.-Mon., May 26-28, free (reservations recommended), Barnes Foundation, 2025 Ben Franklin Pkwy., 866-8497056, barnesfoundation.org.

[ jazz ]

✚ JOHN BUTCHER/ TOSHI MAKIHARA

—Shaun Brady Sat., May 26, 8 p.m., $8, Highwire Gallery, 2040 Frankford Ave., museumfire.com/events.

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This Fire Museum-presented bill pairs two sonic adventurers, both able to conjure more sounds alone than many ensembles can manage while crowding a stage. British

saxophonist John Butcher started out as a physicist, and there remains something of the exacting laboratory environment about the way he tests, examines and dissects the range of sound emanating from his horn. He came up alongside the greats of U.K. improvisation, names like John Stevens, Derek Bailey and Steve Beresford. Philly’s own Toshi Makihara takes a playfully spiritual approach to expanding on a seemingly limited palette; not long ago, he spent a year airing daily improvisations on a single snare drum on YouTube. Duos can be hushed and intimate, and these two likely will be that at times, but don’t let the numbers fool you: This could end up being downright symphonic.

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giving the public an unrivaled chance to see Barnes’ storied wall ensembles (the chemistturned-collector eschewed tradition, clustering paintings with furniture and hardware). To sweeten an already-perfect deal, the Foundation has also invited in a host of performing-arts organizations — though with an array of art this entrancing, you may not even notice.


5.27 [ storytelling/tunes ]

✚ PHILADELPHIA SOUNDTRACK SERIES As much as you may want to be able to reference, say, The Smiths, when telling a story about a song that means the world to you, chances are your tale involves something way more embarrassing, like the Bay City Rollers. This is the idea behind the Soundtrack Series, a

monthly NYC-based pow-wow where various scenesters take the stage to share moments they’ve had with a particular track; many of the selections are looked back on with ruefulness. After nearly two years at le Poisson Rouge, the show is hitting the road; creator Dana Rossi says there’s “no question about it, Philly had to be the first stop.” Among the performances (by locals): Author Maria Raha offers her take on Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” while comedienne Hillary Rea dishes on “Turning Japanese.” —Chris Brown Sun., May 27, 8 p.m., L’Etage, 624 S. Sixth St., 215-592-0656, soundtrackseries.com.

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WEDNESDAY

5.30 [ rock/pop ]

✚ THE DANDY WARHOLS From the Woody Guthrie-referencing title and artwork, and a straight-faced (if playfully skronky) cover of Merle Travis’ “16 Tons,” you might suppose that This Machine (The End) would be the Dandy Warhols’ stab at a folk-influenced record. ELIOT LEE HAZEL

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SUNDAY

[ the agenda ]

guttural Courtney Taylor-Taylor and his Portlandian posse. Happily so, ’cause the Dandys are always better when checking their pretensions at the door and focusing on their strengths; in this case, that’s churning out tight, chunky, middlebrow guitar-pop and the occasional scuzzy, Velvets-indebted rocker. Even the album’s requisite psych-drone excursion is kept relatively concise at under six minutes, though you can bet that’ll merely be a jumping-off point for live renditions. —K. Ross Hoffman Wed., May 30, 7:30 p.m., $23.50-$25, with Psychic Ills and 1776, The Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc.com.

HAPPY HOUR 5-7

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Corner of 10th and Watkins . 1712 South 10th 215-339-0175 . Facebook.com/watkinsdrinkery

But while it’s probably their most earnest and reflective full-length to date, this is less a conceptual foray than a consolidation of established stylistic terrain for the increasingly

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dj

nights

A SELECTIVE GUIDE TO WHAT BANGS IN PHILLY | BY GAIR MARKING, AKA DEV79

W M 1 N/C U V

Weekly Monthly One-off No Charge Breaks Downtempo

Walnut Room Redux

700 N. Second St., 215-413-3181

1709 Walnut St., 215-751-0201

Kung Fu Necktie

THU., MAY 24

M Room

Q NEON NATION 1 O t z @ TLA w/

847 N. Third St., 267-324-3348

Mustard Pimp, Dubsef, Love City DJs, Jack Deezl, Max Gold and Big Jawn. A 3-D projection map and laser-light show will punctuate this rave-tastic night along with hooping by Jen Web, and bodypainting and glow gear from Art of Electronica, $28-$34.

Rumor

Q SNACKS W O t y ! @ Voyeur

15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577 Marathon Grill

1818 Market St., 215-561-1818 Ortlieb’s Lounge

1500 Sansom St., 215-988-0777 Silk City

435 Spring Garden St., 215-592-8838 TLA

334 South St., 215-922-1011 Voyeur

1221 Saint James St., 215-735-5772

M A Y 2 4 - M A Y 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

Drum ’n’ Bass Dubstep/Garage Electro Experimental Funk/Soul Goth/Industrial

700 Club

1248 N. Front St., 215-291-4919

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w/Simian Mobile Disco, Dave P, Adam Sparkles and Thomzilla. This week’s hyper-rad musical party experience from the creators of Making Time features special guest Simian Mobile Disco, $10. Q FYLF M y @ 700 Club w/Dan

Kishbaugh, Xavier B., Ellei J., Phil C. and Flicky. Shadowscene pres-

THURSDAY 5.24 MO $$ NO PROBLEMS ----------------------------------------FRIDAY 5.25 MIGHTY #BOOM THE BOOM BAP DJs

----------------------------------------SATURDAY 5.26 DJ DEEJAY ----------------------------------------SUNDAY 5.27 SUNDAE NITE DJ MIKE NYCE

G t i s <

Hip-hop House Latin Progressive/ House Reggae

ents filthy acts riddled with cheap booze and the pounding sounds of punk, grunge and other rockers, $5. Q MO MONEY NO PROBLEMS W G t y < > @ Silk City w/Sammy Slice

and Cool Hand Luke. Mike Taylor hosts this thick ’n’ juicy weekly party that’ll get you oh-so-swervy, free.

FRI., MAY 25 Q MIGHTY! M t y @ Silk City w/Lil Dave, Apple Juce and DJ Dirty. D24K brings more heat to the dancefloor with house party vibes from this month’s guests, The Boom Bap, $10.

SAT., MAY 26 Q YO! MTV RAPS TRIBUTE 1 G @

Ortlieb’s Lounge w/Lexx, Argo and Brownske. Another golden-era-ofrap tribute from the Stopnotplayin boys, giving you plenty of classics

y ! > z P

Rock/Pop Techno Top 40/ Hip-hop/ R&B Trance World

and anthems to get ya old-school groove on, free.

SUN., MAY 27 Q IRON DJ 1 G t y O @ Kung Fu

Necktie w/Suga Shay, Aiden Scott and Adub. A new competition inspired by Iron Chef, where DJs compete on the fly to devise sets focused around a mystery theme, free. Q RANDOM: HELLO SUMMER 1 U e G t @ Walnut Room Redux

w/DJ Brendan, DJ Phsh and MC Elixir. The randomness continues with a night of classics from a variety of genres. They’ve got music and the concept, you’ve got the booty, so get there and shake it, $5. Q SUNDAE PM W t @ Silk City w/Mike Nyce, Stacey Flygirrl, Lee Jones, Dirty and guests. This triedand-true house soiree offers some

WED., MAY 30

BATTLE ROYALE 1 O 9 t @ The Blockley w/ BHB, Golden Spiral, Mr. Manic, Agent Zero, Redhat, Countervulture, Jack Deezl and Wooferface. Psy-Fi Productions is bringing you an adventurous night of upand-coming local producers and DJs, promising hard beats and hardware. Hosted by Kuf Knotz, the cadre of soundboys will go head to head in collaborative sonic sessions, pumping everything from electro to IDM. A slated performance by Cuttlefish Circus makes an ideal addition to this kooky mid-week jam. $5-$10.

of the best end-your-weekend vibes in the city, $5.

bar for that relaxing outdoor flavor, free.

MON., MAY 28

Q NOCTURNE W O 9 y @ Rumor w/Jon Gill, Knobhead and more. This all-ages party is rife with ’80s synth-pop, industrial, Goth and alternative hits, $5.

Q MAD DECENT MONDAYS w b O G t <P @ M Room w/Dirty South

Joe, Uncle Ron, Flufftronix, Tim Dolla, Gun$ Garcia, Qi Command and Yahmean. The team that rocks club sounds, global bass and the raw-rap attack, with surprise guests and all kinds of other goodies, $3.

TUE., MAY 29 Q THE LO SHO 1 G @ Kung Fu Necktie w/Marq Spekt, Da Buze Bruvaz, L Tyrannic, Buddy Leezle, Suzi Analogue and Jamerson. Underground hip-hop and future urban sounds so you can catch up on what’s hot, free.

WED., MAY 30 Q SUMMER CLASSIQ W > @

Marathon Grill w/DJ Royale. Happy-hour action on the patio

GRO

UP THERAPY BAR

YACHT ROCK BINGO!

----------------------------------------TUESDAY 5.29

THURSDAY, MAY 24TH 9PM!

FAR OUT FANGTOOTH THE OBN ILLS TRUE GOLD PUSSY DOGS ----------------------------------------COMING UP:

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PHONOGRAPHIC ARTS PRESENTS:

SUN 6.3: SUNDAE PRESENTS:

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MON 6.4: PHONOGRAPHIC ARTS PRESENTS:

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www.silkcityphilly.com 5th & Spring Garden

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ON THE CORNER OF

9TH & CHRISTIAN

12-STEPS-DOWN.COM INFO@12-STEPS-DOWN

215.238.0379

✚ SEND DJ NIGHT TIPS AND LISTINGS TO G A I R 7 9 @ C I T Y P A P E R . N E T.


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Show Us Your Philly.

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foodanddrink

portioncontrol By Lee Stabert

classifieds

MIDNIGHT SNACK: Square Peg’s Thanksgiving-inspired sliders, mini snowflake buns piled with turkey, cranberry, stuffing and sweet potato. NEAL SANTOS

[ review ]

SHAPE SHIFT The food at Square Peg doesn’t fit Matthew Levin’s abilities. By Adam Erace SQUARE PEG | 929 Walnut St., 215-413-3600, squarepegrestaurant.

com. Lunch served Mon.-Fri., 11 a.m.-3 p.m.; dinner served Sun., 3-10 p.m.; Mon.-Thu., 3-11 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., 3 p.m.-midnight. Brunch served Sat.-Sun., 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Appetizers, $4-$14; entrées, $14-$23; desserts, $7.

I

f you want to know what kind of restaurant Square Peg is, you need only look at the numbers. In six weeks of business, the Cuba Libre crew’s neo-diner in the old Marathon Grill spot has sold 1,700 mac ’n’ cheese grilled cheeses. That’s about 40 orders a day. More on: “I’ve created home-run dishes in my life, but none has been as popular as this grilled cheese,” says the sandwich’s sire, Square Peg chef Matthew Levin. “The foodie community and people I know are all, like, ‘What happened to him?’” Bills would be my guess. A mortgage, maybe? Chefs, just like plumbers and teachers and writers and everyone else in the 99 percent, need paychecks, and after parting ways with his partners at Adsum last summer, Levin was a chef without a kitchen. He was doing some consulting and small-scale corporate catering, unfulfilling gigs for anyone with Levin’s unruly brand of creativity, when old buddies Larry Cohen, Barry Gutin and Bob Gallo (who

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hired Levin as the chef of Jersey’s Pluckemin Inn about eight years ago) came calling. They needed a chef for a new project at 10th and Walnut. The rest is mac ’n’ cheese-stuffed history. “The name fits me,” Levin says. “I’m definitely a fucking square peg trying to fit in a round hole for a while now.” I think it’s a terrible, unappetizing name — the logo’s askew, Scrabble-tile “P” in particular irks my soul — but if it resonates with Levin, more power to him. The 36-year-old has definitely had his share of imperfect fits: the diamond shackles of Lacroix; Masano and Rubb, the restaurants that never came to be; and even Adsum, his deep-fried pride and joy. But after visiting Square Peg and partaking in Levin’s latest culinary efforts, I’m not convinced this dimly lit, bilevel brick den is the square hole he’s been seeking. There would be more finesse in the cooking if it were. Take the Jewish wedding soup. It’s a sly MORE FOOD AND cultural combo that could be born only of DRINK COVERAGE Levin’s brain: matzo balls, chicken meatAT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / balls, parsnips, carrots, turnips and lacy M E A LT I C K E T. leaves of braised escarole adrift in a bowl of dill-kissed chicken broth. I loved it on sight. But what good is a brilliant idea when the executed vision is a hot mess? The broth looked the part, its surface shimmering with the golden droplets of fat prized by bubbes all along the Eastern seaboard, but the flavor was weak, a mere innuendo of chicken complemented by a lack of salt. The matzo balls were more like matzo boulders. I spooned my way to disappointment while Levin watched the Flyers at the bar. The soup could have borrowed some salinity from the too-salty >>> continued on page 66

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³ IT TOOK LOCAL blogger Marisa McClellan a year to write Food in Jars, and not just because of its surprising breadth. You can make strawberry jam only in spring, can tomatoes in late summer and pickle Brussels sprouts in fall. Capturing fruits and vegetables at their maximum seasonal deliciousness is at the heart of the enterprise. McClellan has been running her wildly popular blog (foodinjars.com) for three-and-a-half years, which can feel like a lifetime on the Internet. She was racking up recipes and page views (up to 350,000 a month during peak canning season) and hoping to realize her decade-old ambition to write a book. At one point she had a deal with a publisher, but after that fell through, she hooked up with Running Press, a local publisher that just happened to be looking for a canning book. Running Press gave her tremendous creative freedom when it came to the content. Food In Jars is organized into 14 sections, including jams, jellies, marmalades, pickles, syrups and nut butters. Not all the items are canned, but they all satisfy the titular criteria. The recipes are incredibly simple, and emphasize methodology as much as ingredients — she suggests readers tinker, adding their favorite flavors and fruits. The book is packed with both basics for beginners and more ambitious combinations: Yes, there is “Simple Raspberry Jam,” but there is also “Vanilla Rhubarb Jam with Earl Grey.” And she offers “Spiced Applesauce” as well as “Boozy Canned Peaches” spiked with bourbon. Special care was taken with the look. Fans of her blog will recognize the rustic, visual language as McClellan’s own. Photographer Steve Legato used her pictures (which appear both on the web and alongside her column in Grid ) as inspiration. “I was contractually obligated to produce two to four jars of 35 of the recipes for photo shoots so they wouldn’t have to recreate everything,” explains McClellan. “I had to make beautiful, photogenic jars.” The process was arduous. When McClellan, who will promote the book at Greensgrow Farm on June 2, finally held the galley proof in her hands, she unleashed a string of expletives. “There was just no other way to express how amazingly shocking it was other than foul language,” she recalls. When asked to name a favorite recipe, McClellan pauses, acknowledging the difficulty of choosing. “I’m a jam maker first,” she admits. “So, I’m a particular fan of the ‘Sour Cherry Jam.’ I’m going to be on book tour this year when they’re in season, and I’m scared I’m going to miss them altogether.” Hopefully someone can save her a jar. (restaurants@citypaper.net)

food

CAN-DO SPIRIT

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f&d


Manayunk’s Only Authentic Indian Cuisine

FROM THE

classifieds

Eat or drink anything good this weekend?

Top 5 Indian Restaurant, 2011 Philly Hot List

We want to hear about it! BYOB

Dine-In

Takeout

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@LaxmisIndian

(215) 508-2120

@LaxmisManayunk

4425 Main Street, Manayunk

www.LaxmisIndian.com

citypaper.net/notes

M A Y 2 4 - M A Y 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

IZZA PU P E B TH South Philly

66 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

✚ Shape Shift <<< continued from page 65

Square Peg’s offerings, mostly, are something to yawn about.

food

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rgaicr

New Menu This Summer!

[ food & drink ]

MONDAY

CELEBRATING 21 YEARS!

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TUESDAY

JOIN US FOR BEER WEEK 2012‌ Friday, June 1st Happy hour w/ Coronado Sunday, June 3rd Local draft wine (Galen Glen) vs. local draft beer (Weyerbacher) Tuesday, June 5th 3rd Annual DUNK TANK for PAWS Wednesday, June 6th A history of cider w/ Lew Bryson Thursday, June 7th WHITE WHISKEY & white beer

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fried calamari, which came with hacked-up long hots, pastel shrimp crackers (hard to eat with the crusty squid) and a smoked honey aioli. Wavy egg noodles buried in shortrib stroganoff, the plat du jour, could have also used salt, not to mention acid and fresh herbs to balance the dish’s tiresome richness. A scattering of pumpernickel crumbs provided texture, but the leaden gravy did its best to swallow up the notes of cocoa and caraway. The aggressive deep-fryer was no friend to crèmebrĂťlĂŠe-battered brioche French toast “pegsâ€? from the allday breakfast menu. Beneath flows of rummy bananas Foster and burned coffee caramel, the toast alternated between unpleasantly bitter and unflinchingly sweet. Can a brother get a berry? Perhaps worse than the poor execution, these plates were dull, with none of the verve typically associated with Levin’s cooking. Say what you will about Tastykake sliders and Four Loko prix-fixes, at least they were something to talk about. Square Peg’s offerings, mostly, are something to yawn about. Levin knows this. He’s the first to admit Square Peg’s concept (and eventual plans to expand nationwide) come at a price. “Obviously there are concessions,â€? he says. “[The food] had to be a little bit more down the middle of the road. Super poutine doesn’t work at a fucking strip mall in Atlanta. Mac ’n’ cheese grilled cheese does.â€? So does that make him a sellout? Not so fast. Square Peg’s ownership has granted enough culinary leeway that the menu, no matter how mass appeal, still feels like a Levin production. (Wink-winks include General Tso chicken cobb salad and cheesesteak pot pie.) And there are glimmers of his talent for upscaling everyman grub, if you know where to look. The wings are a good place to start, done here with a fiery, faintly sweet white-chocolate ganache steeped with habaĂąeros, fennel seed and star anise, a fresh take on an old Lacroix recipe. “Late Nightâ€? turkey sliders are served the way Levin eats them on Thanksgiving evening, cold from the fridge, to some controversy. But I liked how the chilled components (sliced brined turkey breast, vivid cranberry relish, sage-scented stuffing, marshmallowy sweet-potato casserole) contrasted with the warm turkey gravy dripping from the mini snowflake buns. And it’s hard to complain about soft-serve suffused with the childhood essence of peanut-butter Cap’n Crunch. Then again, aren’t we getting a bit old for that? I can eat bad-for-you cereal with the best of ’em, but doing so at restaurants lost its naughty thrill a minute ago. For a long time Levin held the front line of Philadelphia’s fun new food ideas; now it feels like he’s telling the same old jokes. Which brings us back to the question people are asking: “What happened to him?â€? Well, he just put a “Foie Gras Double Downâ€? on the menu. “Guess what? I’m BACK people!â€? Levin joked on Twitter. But for how long this time? (adam.erace@citypaper.net)


Café Colao R E S TA U R A N T VmcV

Gourmet Latin Sandwiches and Dinner Entrées Fresh Daily Special

a gs

from 11:00am – 9:00pm

gracetavern.com

215-550-5017 1305 N. 5th St. Northern Liberties

citypaper.net [ NEW AND IMPROVED ]


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[ food & drink ]

feedingfrenzy By Drew Lazor

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food

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Âł NOW SEATING Rice & Mix | A new Korean quick-service from Giwa

owner Yong Chi, Rice & Mix specializes in bibimbap, the popular specialty of pork, beef or chicken mixed with egg, rice and vegetables, often in a lava-hot dolsot (stone bowl). The 60-seater operates on a burrito-shop-style system — you can watch them build you a custom bibimbap or select from a menu of four favorites. Other items include dup bap (meat over white or multigrain rice), jap chae (the most famous Korean noodle dish), galbi (grilled short ribs) and, soon, bulgogi cheesesteaks and Korean fried chicken. Hours: Mon.-Sat., 11 a.m.-9 p.m. 1207 Walnut St., 215-574-3500, riceandmixonline.com. Lil’ Pop Shop | Cali native Jeanne Chang is slinging fro-

M A Y 2 4 - M A Y 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

Ortlieb’s Lounge | The new-look Ortlieb’s, relaunched

68 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

zen treats made with local ingredients at this new sweet spot in West Philly. Pops from her daily-rotating selection, which has recently featured choices like Vietnamese coffee, strawberry-rhubarb lemonade, mango chunk and peanut-butter curry, run three bucks each. Chang also has a mobile pop cart, the whereabouts of which you can track via Twitter: @lilpopshop. The shop’s hours: Tue.-Sat., noon9 p.m.; Sun., noon-5 p.m. 265 S. 44th St., 215-222-5829.

Blues/barbecue venue Le Cochon Noir (5070 Parkside Ave.) closed on Sunday. Jamal Parker says he’d like to launch a mobile ’cue operation in the future. ³ Melissa Torre of Cookie Confidential (517 S. Fifth St.) has partnered with baker Lexi Malmros, who creates local booze-infused cupcakes under the name Beer Cakes. Malmros’ wares will be available starting June 7.

by Avram Hornik of Four Corners Management, doesn’t have much of a new look at all; it’s still got the crimson-lit vibe, centralized stage and old-timers’ bar, but plush banquettes have freed up the room. Live jazz still has its place on Tuesday nights, but the other evenings are dedicated to funk/soul (Wednesdays), DJs (Friday-Saturday) and standup (Sunday). Ten beers on tap complement a bill of fare with Southern/Tex-Mex touches. 847 N. Third St., 267-324-3348, ortliebslounge.com. ³ LITTLE VITTLES

Got A Tip? Please send restaurant news to drew.lazor@citypaper.net

or call 215-735-8444, ext. 218.


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KARAOKE

smiths

@

restaurant bar

food classifieds

FEELS BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS Tuesdays 10pm-2am on 19th Between Chestnut and Market

267.546.2669 www.smiths-restaurant.com

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Lovash Restaurant “Philadelphia’s Finest Indian Cuisine�

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A Taste Of Home Away From Home In Celebration Of Our 11th Year Anniversary We Are Proud To Announce Our New Menu! www.lovashrestaurant.com 236-238 South St. Philadelphia, PA

Phone: 215-925-3881 Fax: 215-925-3882

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | M A Y 2 4 - M A Y 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | 69

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food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

[ i love you, i hate you ] 400 HUNDRED POUNDS OF FUCK & SWEAT What people in their right minds would want to wear some hot tights when it is 80 degrees you looked really fucking nasty. You are fucking nasty...take a look in the fucking mirror before you come outside...better yet stay in the fucking house. And I know your fat ass is not washing up...your fat ass probably can’t fit in the tub...you need to take a bath in the Atlantic ocean.

ACCESS CARD CITY In every food store in Philly it seems that a lot of people have access cards. Does anybody work anymore? What the fuck is going on? I am supporting these parasites. You wonder why the tax burden is so copious in this town! That is one reason they should have a access recall. This shit enables people to sit on their fat asses all day. Then they don’t buy the right fucking food with the card. Chips, sodas, and hoagies are not a meal.

mean we’re going to throw your shit away for you. There are at least 3 trash cans within a 100 foot radius. Stop being lazy and stop being a douchebag. If I find out who you are, I promise to leave bags of my cat’s poop on your door step EVERY DAY.

GO PENGUINS! Fuck you Philadelphia Flyers! You think you can let out all your aggression on women anytime you want, Why dont you you try using some of that on our opposing team. Instead your nothing but low life losers. You think Good times are free because

and I can’t get away with it...I hope I don’t do it... but then again...you get to see how deep this shit really is!

I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF...This is the worst case of this that I’ve ever gotten. I got on the el this morning, around 7:45 at Girard (wearing red button up unbuttoned, shorts and green earbuds) - You got on a few stops later, and after what seemed like forever, I met your eyes and you walked over and stood directly across from me at the doors...And I froze, utterly stupefied and

SHITTY NEIGHBOR How dare you through your dirty diapers out the fucking window...who do you think that you are and where do you think that were are in the fucking dessert or something? I hate you and when I politely say something to you about something has to change regarding that you get all snappy like you are crazy or something...how much sense does that make? I say now if you don’t clean up I am going to have a nice talk with your landlord.... then what are you going to do then? Stay away from my part of the fucking sidewalk!

70 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

M A Y 2 4 - M A Y 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

DEAR ELISABETH

SIMPLY YOU!

I am worthless, Princess u are so very special, For your amusement, Let demons take my soul, To worship u, Cover me in deep scars, Take away my heart, Fill all my days with torture, If it brings u pleasure, Burn the air I breath with fire, Not 2 be forgiven, Forever as you victim, Beneath u, N never above, To live for much pain N suffering, May I be your slut, To give u all my Love.

R, Its only been a month or so but it feels like forever. You make me feel so special, like the luckiest girl on earth. I look forward to our communcations(text & phone) each day. The highlight of it all is seeing your handsome face when the time permits. Im in this for the long haul if the feelings are mutual. Take your time, Im yours and yours only.....M.

DUMB-ASS KINDLE READER

Almost every time I come to work at the pet shop, at some point during the duration of my shift some lazy fuck leaves a bag of dog shit on our doorstep. What is even the point of leaving it in the bag if you aren’t even going to throw it away?? Just because this is a pet shop doesn’t

How about telling someone something when the fucking rules are changing...why the fuck does anyone have to find out the hard way or another way? Wouldn’t you enjoy it more when everyone was on the same fucking page! I know I would... things happen for a reason...and now you have to jump through hoops just to get your message across! I am not a big fan of the nonsense so if that is what you are into...keep it moving with someone else!

Nobody really wants to hear about your sex life... why do you call me with the nonsense..I certainly have my own life and my own concerns who gives a fuck what you are doing...I hate seeing you.. I wish that you would just leave already and find somewhere else to be miserable! How about that...doesn’t that sound like a plan? I can’t stand your ass!

Dear dirty redhead, insecure bucktooth, and chubby virgin boy. I appreciate your attempt at sarcasm, or inflicted humility. Yet, you simply made me concerned. You can’t continue to stiff, jip, or rip off servers as you grow. I know you are still young, insecure, and lame...well you’ll always be lame. You didn’t get any of my humor? I tried to loosen you guys up. If you would have looked around you would have noticed the casual atmosphere, and the hard workers. Your order was right and I was always present. By not tipping me you screw the person who sat you, brought you food, cleaned up after your disgusting self and THE PERSON WHO HAD TO LOOK AT YOU. Stay home or get a job. Learn something or you’re what’s wrong with the world.

FAIRMOUNT DOG OWNER

RULES CHANGE

SAVE THE STORIES

BREAKFAST TRIO 3 DOLLA

You are on the wrong train my dear reading your book kindle and having head phones on...you are not on the regional rail lines you are on the orange line...stop trying to impress people pretending you know how to read. Next time someone says excuse me you need to get your dumb lazy ass out and let the person out ass quickly ass possible I should of just farted in your face when I got off the train. Next time someone is going to take your kindle on smash it on the floor. Why don’t you just cut the bullshit and get a real book and stop trying to act better than everyone else.

some of that time to learn your duties so you don’t sound like the fucking idiot that you are. You’re lucky I didn’t knock you the fuck out. Have a heart attack, pig! P.S. - I still got the shots I wanted. Kev

SINCERELY YOURS, THE ANNOYED

you have a orange and black jersey and a hockey stick. Fuck no you make all that money spend it cheap skates! You go out and you cant even tip 2%. Break a leg mother fuckers!

HOW DEEP? I love you with all my heart and I keep thinking to myself that I caught you with your ex in a photo kissing...that shit broke my heart...then I am thinking to myself...how the fuck do I get your silly ass back! I am really thinking about that really hard...I want to let it go but then again I want to do something behind your back! You better pray that I don’t because something inside of me is thinking go ahead and do it because you will not know you are no where around

confused at your mere presence. I got off at 13th St still in awe of you and walked into the down staircase, trying to go up. I hope that was the beginning of many self inflicted accidents you cause me...If you see the next one, smile so I know you’re watching too even though I will definitely be able to figure out at least one word to say to you if I see you again. You know the song?

For the life of me I can’t understand why do YOU think it’s ok to talk to me any type of way? You keep giving people the impression that your like a mother to me but your just a pain in my non existing ass! Lord knows I would die for you but at the same damn time I wanna ring your neck. Your bossy, selfish and your allways the victim?! I wish you would get it in your thick ass head that it’s not allways about u and the long ass letters are played out! Just speak your mind and get over it!!!!

RETARDED WANNA-BE Next time you tell someone to stop taking pictures of a specific site, make sure you can provide them with a reason other than “I don’t have to give you a reason.” Now, how about instead of you just sitting behind that desk for eight hours a night like a useless, over-sized dildo, you take

✚ To place your FREE ad (100-word limit), go to citypaper.net and click on the LOVE/HATE tab near the top of the page. ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.


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Upstate NY Land Sale “Sportman Bargain” 3 acres w/cozy cabin, Close access to Oneida Lake -$75,995. “Large River” over 900 ft. 18 acres along fishing/swimming river -$49,995. “Timberland Investment” -90 acres deer sanctuary, beautiful timber studs, small creaek -$99,995. Over 100 new properties. Call 800-229-7843 Or visit landandcamps.com

Browse hundreds of online

listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http://www. Roommates.com.

Rental Wanted APARTMENT WANTED FOR MYSELF!

I am currently looking in Center City a one or two bedroom 1st floor front or Rent vacant unit rented. 2 months down. Older male. Ask for Frank 267-918-0516.

GENTLY MOVING YOUR EARTHLY POSSESSIONS

Real Estate Marketplace

215.670.9535

WWW.MAMBOMOVERS.COM

REAL ESTATE

Bank Ordered Auction/REO Right off PA Turnpike, Exton, PA. 4,150+/sf Office/Condo, Mint Condition, June 12, 1pm 502 Gordon Dr. Exton, PA. 2% BROKER CO-OP, AY-000115L, 888-243-3431, www.AuctionAdvisors.com

classifieds

LIKE TWILIGHT?

TAL! *MILES *EQUIPMENT * BENEFTIS $.50/mile for Hazmat Teams. Solo drivers also needed! 800-942-2104 Ext. 7307 or 7308 www.Drive4Total.com

@2?C602@

Resort/ Vacation Property for Sale

Torchia & Associates

VACATION RENTALS

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily. Holiday Real Estate. 1-800638-2102 Online reservations: www.holidayoc.com.

CONCIERGE LEGAL SERVICES GENERAL PRACTICE – ESTATE & TAX PLANNING

1420 Walnut Street, Suite 1216 215-546-1950; watorchia@gmail.com www.generallawfirm.com

Apartments for Rent 15TH/SPRUCE:

15th/Spruce: Large/Bright Studio in Charming Brownstone, HW Flrs, Lrg Closets, Onsite Laundry, Intercom Entry. $915/Mo. 215-735-8030. Lic # 220402 15TH/SPRUCE:

Large 1BD in sought after location. Beautiful art-deco details, Front Desk Attendant, HW Flrs, Onsite Laundry, New

By Emily Flake

ADOP

ME KING COLE!

T

2-4 YEAR OLD TABBY Hi! I’m King Cole, a handsome guy who was found as a stray. I’m much too friendly to be living outdoors, so I’m waiting at PAWS for a real home. I’m very affectionate and will make a great addition to a loving family. A true ladies’ man, I get along very well with female cats. Please come meet me at PAWS’ Adoption Center!

Located on the corner of 2nd and Arch.

All PAWS animals are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, and microchipped before adoption. For more information, call 215-238-9901 ext. 30 or email adoptions@phillypaws.org

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | M A Y 2 4 - M A Y 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | 77

lulueightball

PHOTO BY NEAL SANTOS

ADOPTION

Cardell is doing business as “A Minute Triangular Cummerbund Stain Songs” (the name of his publishing company) with BMI. Isn’t this interesting to know?

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

Adoptions


food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

merchandise market

BD a Memory Foam Mattress/BoxsprIng Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399. 610-952-0033

Bd a Queen Pillow top matt set $175; King $250 mem foam $295. 215-752-0911 CHAIR - Finn Juhl Chieftain 1949, 1 of 84 made in Denmark, branding and signatures on back, no vm. Call 484-250-4581

BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826 CABINETS SOLID MAPLE Brand new soft close/dovetail. Fits 10’x10’ kitchen. More cabinets if needed. Cost $6,400. Sell $1,595. 610-952-0033

BED: Brand New Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set w/warr, In plastic. $160; Twin $140; 3 pc King $265; Full set $155. Memory foams avl. Del. avl 215-355-3878 Bedroom Set 5 pc. brand new $399 All sizes, Del. Avail. 215-355-3878 Bedroom set 6 pc. Cherry Brand new, in box $499. 215-752-0911 LIVING ROOM SET & DINING ROOM SET, MOVING MUST SELL. 267-650-2548

Diabetic Test Strips needed pay up to $15/box. Most brands. Call 610-453-2525 Pinball machines, shuffle bowling alleys Will barter for landscape clean up tntquality@aol.com 215.783.0823

2012 Hot Tub/Spa. Brand New! 6 person w/lounger, Cover. Factory warranty. Never installed! Beautiful. Cost $6,000. Ask $2,500. Will deliver. 610-952-0033

everything pets

78 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

M A Y 2 4 - M A Y 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

pets/livestock Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

Beagle Pups AKC 8 wks, parents on loc. wormed F$500 - M$450. 215-256-1575. BOXER PUPPIES - AKC, parents on premises. Ready now. $800/ea. 267-912-8540 BULL MASTIFF puppies, AKC registered, Females. 856-875-8486 Cavalier King Charles M/F, 5 year guar $900. 610-485-4020 or 610-800-1970 CAVALIER KING CHARLES PUPS ACA, S/W, vet checked, very cute and playful. $800. (717)442-4917 Chesapeake Pups AKC, M/F, Ch. bldlines, S/W, declaws, $650. 856-364-6375 COCKER SPANIEL Pups, Home Raised, Champion bloodlines. 856-299-0451 COLLIES PUPS 4 whites! Sable F, 4 yrs, normal eyes, Ch. stock. (856)825-4856 German Shepherd pups, 3M, 4F, blk/ beige, s/w, papers, $750. 267-736-0502 German Shepherd pups, ACA, 7 M & 2 F, shots, wormed, family raised, cute, $700 F, $800 M, 1 blk, M $900. (717)529-5560 German Shorthaired Pointer Pups $400, 2 F, liver-ready to go now 610.430.7577 Golden Doodle Pups, home raised by exp. breeder, 610.322.0576, 610.544.2719 Golden Doodles, 4 males, 3 fem’s, make great pets. Call to reserve. (717)989-4002 Great Dane pups AKC, fawn, blk masks, parents on site $650. 302-266-0934

HAVANESE PUPPIES AKC, home raised. Call 262-993-0460 or online at www.noahslittleark.com Jack Russell Terrier pups male & female, ready to go. $275. 215-529-5989 LAB PUPS 100% GUAR. READY NOW, MUST COME SEE!!! 215-768-4344 LAB pups, AKC, English & chmp lines, choc & yllow, ex. pets, broad hds, parents on prem, hlth guar $500. 717-354-2674 Labrador Retriever LABRADOODLES $400.00 red, yellow, cute 717-629-6443 OLD ENGLISH BULLDOGS, registered, 3F, 2M, $1600/obo. (856)383-5687 PITBULL PUPS UKC: 3 Males, $600 13 weeks old, Call 215-301-8874

Rottweiler Puppies, AKC, Champion blood lines, vet checked, very nice pups, 8 weeks old on May 11th, $1,000. Please Call 610-273-7434. SHELTIES AKC, tri-male , pick blue male & female, 9 weeks, great parents, pedigree, health gaurantee. (610)838-7221 SHEPERD MIX PUPS 9 weeks, 4 males, 3 females, read now. $100. (267)592-0974 St. Bernard Puppies AKC $1000 1 Female 2 males. family raised Parents on Prem. 1st & 2nd shots/vet exam, call 856451-5920 ask for Sam Weimaraner Puppies For Sale $1200, 3 males/ 1 female. Call 717-723-9815 or email swartzweims@gmail.com. WESTIES: Registered, home raised, M’s & F’s shots, wormed, 484-868-8452 Yorkie male pups: home raised, pure bred, starting at $650. Call 215-490-2243 YORKSHIRE TERRIER PUPPIES 2 males, ready 6/2. $650. Call 610-857-5049

POOL TABLE: Vintage Victor 5x9, 1.5" slate, cherrywood, like new, moving, hate to sell, Best Offer. (610)543-1666

ABC TICKETS PHILLIES

BUY and SELL

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apartment marketplace

Merged with GOOD TIME TICKETS

800.355.5555

• SPORTS • CONCERTS www.abctickets.com • THEATRE BUYING EAGLES SBL’s & TICKETS

CALL 215-669-1924

Mobile Phlebotomist

Phila., Surrounding Counties & South Jersey Counties Must have 2 years experience, reliable car and PC. Great rates. Fax resume: 267-763-1519

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ REALLY PAID

** Bob 610-532-9408 ***

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $

* * * 215-200-0902 * * *

Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-689-8476

Coins, Currency, Gold, Toys,

Trains, Hummels, Sports Cards. Call the Local Higher Buyer, 7 Dys/Wk

personals Exp. Female Vocalist forming backup band, needs members, 267-325-0363

jobs

23xx S. 72nd 1Br $525+utils close to shopping/schools 267-266-7009

13xx N 61st St 1br $525+utils 1st, last & sec., w/w carpet 267.278.1492 1xx 56th & Spruce 3BR Must see! Sec. 8 ok. 215-885-1700

Office Manager

Camden County, New Jersey

Smaller law firm seeking Office Manager with paralegal and secretarial skills. Real Estate experience and light booking also. Knowledge of Word and Excel. Send Resume and Salary requirements to: legal1942@gmail.com

205 N 65th St. Efficiency $450+utils 3rd flr, 1mo rent, 2mo sec. 215.805.3197 40th & Cambridge 2br $645/mo. free utils, Call or text Scott 215-222-2435

Machinists (F/T)

apartment marketplace 926 Race St. 2Br/1Ba $1,450/mo 850sf, spac., close to trans 856.630.5317

W. Phila 4 & 5 br Bi-Levels Avail Now Move in Special! 215-386-4791 or 4792

Various 1 & 2 BR Apts $750-$895 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

68th 1BR $750 utilities Den, W/D, patio, sunroom, 215-913-7973

1 BR & 2 BR Apts $715-$835 spacious, great loc., upgraded, heat incl, PHA vouchers accepted 215-966-9371

5000 N. 20th St. efficiency $500 also 1BR $550. Call 215-455-6135 5201 Wayne Ave. Studio & 1BR On site Lndry 215.744.9077 Lic# 311890 5321 Wayne Ave. Efficiency $550 2br $725. 1st mo. & sec., 215-776-6277

53xx Wayne Ave 2BR $695+utils spacious, renovated, w/Dining room 1 month sec, 1 month rent. 267-253-6532 53rd & Montgomery 2br/1ba $775+utils kitch, DR, hdwd flrs, plenty closet space, w/d, storage, garage. (215)473-6069

1641 W Lehigh Ave. studio All Util Incld Newly renov. 215-744-9077, Lic #374062

1,2, 3, 4 Bedroom FURNISHED APTS LAUNDRY-PARKING 215-223-7000

Child Care: 3 days/wk, light housework. car required, Resume: dexterpa@att.net

CAREGIVER / CNA AVAILABLE 24/7 Looking for prvt duty case. 267.338.6222 Caregiver - Desires Pos. assisting sick & elderly, ref’s and car. 215-485-7460

60XX Warnock 1 BR $595+ near Fernrock Train Station,215-276-8534

56xx Chew 2BR $650+utils 2nd floor, close to Lasalle. (215)844-3946 607 E. Church Lane 2BR nr LaSalle Univ,215.744.9077 lic# 494336 W. Seymour St. nice 2 BR $750+ utils 1 mo rent + 1 mo sec. 215-548-2259

1933 N Judson St 2 BR bi lvl $675 1.5 BA, 5 mins to Temple U, 215.768.8410 HOPKINSON HOUSE Studio with balcony, 625 sq ft, Overlooks Washington Square Park, $1255/mo. available July 1st. (215)627-2339

COOK: needed to live-in 5 & 1/2 days, experienced, legal to work, very high salary. Call 732-230-2580 Housekeeper, errands, PT-FT, 5 yrs exp, refs,car,bkgd chk,Overbrook,215.290.2100

5846 N. Marvine 1br $600+utils renovated, close to trans (215)480-6460

60th & Race 1br $550+utils newly renovated, (215) 747-8150

Dynamic Machining Inc. Moorestown, NJ

For growing job-shop. Prototrak & Manual Lathe & Milling Machines. AC shop with benefits, pension plan, overtime available. Call 856-2739830 or Fax Resume 856-273-0393.

3xx E Olney Ave 2br $725+ 1st flr, clean, 1st,last & sec. 215-919-0859

40xx Haverford Effic. /apt. $500 Seniors Place. Call 267-601-6855

P a r k s i d e A r e a 5 & 6BR starting @ $800. Newly renov, new kit & bath, hdwd flrs, Section 8 OK. Call 267-324-3197

Dr. Sonnheim, 856-981-3397

JUNK CARS WANTED Up to $300 for Junk Cars 215-888-8662 Lionel/Am Flyer/Trains/Hot Whls $$$$ Aurora TJet/AFX Toy Cars 215-396-1903 SAXOPHONES, WWII, SWORDS, related items, Lenny3619@aol 609.581.8290

1xx W. Olney Ave. 1br $595+util beautiful, carpeted, Call 215-805-6455

S Broad St/Avenue of the Arts 1br $895 Ultra mod. penthouse, marble BA, jacuzzi, hwd flr, c/a, deck, w/d. 215-463-7374

1408 Ellsworth St. 1BR apt. Clean 3rd flr. No pets. 215-549-4279

11th & Wyoming 1BR $575+utils newly renovated, front porch, back yard, nice basement, (215)276-1097 13th & Lindley 2Br $625/mo fresh paint, new carpet & kitch, refrigerator, walk-in closet. (215)264-8437

1xx W. Sharpnack 1BR $700+utils 2nd flr, great location, newly renov., heat incl., no pets. Call 215-549-9181

18xx Lindley Ave. Lg 1BR $525+utils avail. immed., section 8 ok 267-793-0401

GREENE & HARVEY - SPRING SPECIAL! Lux. Garden type 1BR’s Newly dec, w/w, g/d, a/c, cable ready, Laundry/off st prkg. Nr trans 215-275-1457 215-233-3322

7xx W. Rockland 2br/1ba $600/mo Call Greg 215-668-3990 2018 S 70th St. 1br $600+utils clean, spacious, LR, eat in kitchen, gas heat, 1st, last & security (267)251-6931

DOMINO LN 1 & 2 BR $725-$875 Renovated, parking, d/w, near shopping & dining, FIRST MONTH FREE 215-500-7808

Logan 2Br $715 water included duplex, 2nd flr, great loc., extra close to transp., prvt entr., (215)500-3736

1201 Chelten Ave 1 BR $625+utils. Lrg, 2mo. sec., avail. now. 215-287-1303


16xx Margaret St. 2Br $725 newly renovated, loft style, freshly painted, new carpet. (215)990-0303 42xx Frankford Efficiency $500/mo. 2nd Flr, near transp. Call 215-289-2973 4840 Oxford Ave Studio, & 1Br Ldry, 24/7 cam lic# 214340 215.744.9077

Morrell & Frankford 1BR $700+utils 1st flr duplex, immediate occupancy, yard, private parking, Call 215-493-2227

Pottstown 2BR/ 1BA $750 new cpt,W/D in unit,Caitlan 917.406.2868 Royersford 2br $800+utils spacious, newly renovated, private parking, porch, 2nd floor. (215)799-2364

26xx Parrish 3BR/2.5BA $1,900+utils T/H, garage, read yard, C/A, W/D, near transportation. Call 267-939-4959

12xx S. 23rd St. 2BR/2BA Rehab. Granite, c/a Greg 215-668-3990 21xx Earp St. 2BR/1BA new renov, carpet, Sec 8 ok 215.356.2434

49xx Westminster Ave 3BR/1BA new renov, carpet, Sec 8 ok 215.356.2434 59th & Spruce 4br/1.5ba $1100+ modern kitchen, sect 8 ok 610-649-9009 59xx Irving St. 3br/1ba sec 8 ok 215-792-6620

2XXX N 63RD ST PHILA PA 19151 3BR 2BA. $1,650. 732-567-7416 OVERBROOK PARK 3BR $1150 finished basement. Call 610-642-5655

17xx Georges Lane 3br $850+utils nr school & transportation. 215-421-4849 39XX Lankenau 2BR/1B $800 Bmnt sec sys w/d storage & gar parkg by train. Clean prop must see! 215-680-6508

6th & Erie 3.5 br/2ba/2 kitch $795+utils All newly renovated, Call 215-758-5855

43 Walnut Ln. 6BR,2BA $1,600/mo. front porch, backyard, quiet neighborhood. Please Call 215-439-3819

4x W. Rockland St. 5Br $1375+utils Section 8 approved. Call 917-863-8624

5538 Wyalusing St. 3BR/1BA $800+ util Newly renovated, Call Erik 215-510-0034 65xx Regent St. 3BR $700/mo. Freshly painted. Call 856-491-5891

6737 Dorel St. 3BR/1BA $900+ utils. Newly renovated, Call Erik 215.510.0034 SW (Elmwood Area) modern 3br house new crpts, sect. 8 welcome 215.726.8817

Cadillac 2000 Sedan Deville $4,975 New body style, Lux 4 dr, a/c, full pwr, S/S whls, few orig mi, woman driver. Opportunity of a lifetime. Carol 215.922.5342 Cadillac Catera Sport 2001 $2850 lthr, moonrf, 17" rims, wing 267.592.0448

Brigantine 2Br Pets ok 5/29-6/10 $1100. July $1350 BrigB.com 856-217-0025 Margate 2br, sleeps 6, 1 block to beach, May to Sept $10k. Call 856-784-3638

Margate beau mod Condo pool patio a/c cbl great loc! Seas $6,800. 267.257.6389 N. Wildwood, NJ 3 BR Condo 1 blk to bch, wkly/seasonal 609.729.6680

OCEAN CITY, NJ Wide Variety of Summer Rentals Open 24 Hrs a Day WWW.OCNJ.COM or call 1-800-220-6265

Ocean City: sunny, spacious, duplex, 1br, $6500season, $3350 1/2 season, 1br with loft $3500 first 1/2 season. 609.398.1348 Sea Isle City 1 BR plus futon, 1 block to Beach, deck, Parking, Central Air, Call 609-314-2349

CHEVY EL CAMINO 1978 $450/obo front end, rear window only 215.272.2686

Chrysler LXI Minivan ’99 $4000/neg. 77k miles, good condition. 610-284-4982 DODGE CARAVAN 1998 Runs good. 215-626-4825

$1500

DODGE STRATUS 2004 $2750 loaded, extra clean, (215)947-9840 Ford Escort 1997 $1900 auto, a/c, am/fm, gd cond, 856.986.2687 Ford Taurus SES 2001 $1,950 4 dr, loaded, clean, low mi. 215-280-4825 Honda Accord SE 1997 $4,800/OBO loaded, great shape, insp. (215) 673-4713

HONDA CIVIC 2000 $2700 135k, 4 door, 1 owner 215-779-1512 Hyundai Sonata 2001 $2495 Run/looks great, loaded (215)947-9840 Jeep Cherokee Sport 1994 $3,500 4dr, exc cond, 4x4, 135K mi 610.352.8286 Lincoln Continental 2000 $3,695 90K, fully loaded, gorgeous 610.524.8835 Lincoln TownCar 2000 $3695 Cartier, loaded, gorgeous, 610-524-8835 Mercury Grand Marquis 2001 $2800 Good cond, 267-255-0743 Mercury Grand Marquis 2001 $3,950 87K mi., loaded, 1/2 top. 609-352-2723 NISSAN MAXIMA 1998 $950 loaded, runs, nds sme wk (215)947-9840 Nissan Maxima SE 2000 $3495 auto, sunroof, gorgeous 610-524-8835 SUBARU IMPREZA 1997 $3500 automatic, 67k, AWD, (215)830-8881 Volkswagen Jetta GLS 1997 $1495 200k, loaded, gorgeous. 610-524-8835 VOLVO S70 GLT 2000 $2000/OBO may trade, 247k miles, 4 door, air, sunroof, insp. 12/12, very clean 267.975.4483

55xx Ardleigh 3BR/1BA $825+ Modern Kitch. New Carpets. 215-514-7143 Drexel Med. Vicinity 6br/2.5ba $1500 huge fully renov. house, everything brand new, bsmnt, w/d, yard. 732-993-3634

1xx W. Weaver 4BR Newly renov, C/A, sec. 8 ok. 215.669.1304

STONE HARBOR 8br/5ba Beach Block, sleeps 24, air, all amenities available weekly, shorter periods off season. Call 609-425-6206 or Email: John.L.Curto@gmail.com VASSAR SQ. CONDO LG 1BR/2BA Bchfrt, $12K/SEASON. 609-822-6868/822-0082

automotive

19xx Somerset 2BR $585+utils fenced backyd, 3 mo mvn 215-514-0653 31xx Hartville St. 3br/1ba $600+utils nice size house, new paint 215-327-2292 32xx N Philip 3br/1ba $690+utils wall/wall carpets, porch. 215-836-1960 33xx Malta St 2BR/1BA $650+utils newly remodeled. Call 215-327-2292

1423 N. 55th St. 4BR/1BA $950+ utils Newly renovated, Call Erik 215.510.0034

Margate Bay Area 2br $6900+ utils May 25-Sept 3. Sleeps 5. 302-593-7101

Prudential Fox & Roach Realtors Ø

78xx Temple Rd. 3BR $1,100+ porch, garage, sec. 8 ok. 267-992-3233 2617 Titan St. 2BR/1BA $650+ utils. Newly renovated, Call Erik 215.510.0034 Grays Ferry 2br/1ba $850 13xx S. Stanley St., yard, porch, close to everything, avail immed. (267)574-4163 Point Breeze 2BR $750+utils newly remod., close to CC. 267-333-3995

Buick LeSabre Custom 2004 $3850 lthr, moonroof, CD, clean. 267-592-0448

$800/mo

707 N. 42nd St. 6 BR/2 BA open Saturday, sect. 8 ok, (718)679-7753

low cost cars & trucks

638 E. Cornwall 3BR, 1BA $800 No pets, sec. 8 ok. 267-249-5941

CONVERTIBLE 1999 $18,500 black, 38k mi, like new, sports seats, automatic, full power, (215)455-6042

Jaguar 2003 3.0 S Type with sunroof, like new, original miles $6,985 215-928-9632

6xx Wensley Nice 2BR Porch. 215-839-9211 / 732-267-2190

Castor Gardens 3BR/1BA $875+ garage, fenced yard, no pets 215.750.3612 MAYFAIR 3BR/1BA $895/Mo 63XX Ditman Str. Beautiful house on a nice block. New carpets and hardwood floors, upgraded bathroom & kitchen. Finished basement with laundry hookups. Private parking. Close to schools and transportation. Call Alex for appointment. 215-947-6446 Northwood 3BR/2BA $850 lrg corner twin, fireplace, 215-289-9642

ES 350 2008 $23,000 Selling my Florida car, 47k mostly highway miles, clean, loaded, (856)853-0705

NJ shore, 40ft Breckenridge park model, screen rm, slps 6 $16K/obo 484.574.9445

$250 & UP FOR JUNK CARS Call 215-722-2111

Cash paid on the spot for unwanted vehicles, 24/7 pick up, 215-288-9500 Croydon 828 First Ave 3br $1100+util Newly renovated, Call Erik 215.510.0034

Darby 3br/1ba $950+utils prch,yd,close shop & transp 610.696.2022

Junk Cars & Trucks Wanted, $400, Call 856-365-2021

JUNK CARS WANTED 24/7 REMOVAL. Call 267-377-3088

Darby: XX N. 3rd St. 3br/1ba $930+utils security deposit required, gas heat, fresh paint, new carpets & floors 215-603-0688 Upper Darby 4Br section 8 ok, close to trans 610.459.3990

Harley Davidson Deuce 2004 $10,000 exc cond, ext warr, Call Joe 609.226.5350

w w w. p h i l l y. c o m / c a r s

79

Newport News, VA 4br/ 2.5ba, beautiful, immed. occ., $2375/mo. credit problems ok. Call (757) 969-2205

A1 PRICES FOR JUNK CARS FREE TOW ING , Call (215) 726-9053

in the paper and on

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | M A Y 2 4 - M A Y 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

1529 Bristol St Furn Room $125/wk. $375/to move in SSI OK 215-989-0554 19xx Erie Ave, luxury rm, xtra clean, ideal for seniors, $100wk SSI ok. 215-920-6394 21st & Erie, large room, new renov., wall/wall, furn. $100/wk. 215-570-0301 2648 N. Bancroft - room $375/mo, utils included. 267-257-3610 29th & Ridge clean, quiet bldng, proof of income, $120-$135/wk. 267-702-7914 34th and Baring Room for rent. Nice rm w/ DirecTV. Use of kit. Call 215-620-3846 43rd & Wallace, unfurnished, $90/wk, incl. utils, $360 move in. 267-357-5216 4952 Lancaster Luxury Room for rent $375/mo. Hank (267) 974-9271. 56xx Warrington Ave,cln & quiet,no drugs, $200/bi-wkly, $400/mo 215-668-3591 ALLEGHENY $90/wk. $270 sec dep Nr L train, furn, quiet. 609-703-4266 Broad & Olney deluxe furn room priv ent $130/wk. Sec $200. 215-572-8833 Darby Furnished room, use of kitchen, $125/wk, close to transp. (610)453-6172 E. Mt Airy, large room with private bath, $160/week, utils included. 215-630-7639 Frankford, furnished, near bus & El, $85/wk & up + $295 sec. 215-526-1455

homes for rent

resorts/rent

classifieds

60xx Torresdale St. 1br $650+utils storage, section 8 ok. Call 267-992-3233 Academy & Grant 2BR $795+ 1st flr,w/w, c/a,off st prkg 856.346.0747 Grant & Ashton 2BR $799+utils 1st flr duplex, garage, yard, newer kitch & crpt, central air, gas heat, 610-331-0758 Grant & Bustleton 2br Condo $895 prvt balcony w/garden view 215.943.0370 Mayfair 2BR $700+utils 1st flr, credit chk. 215.498.1807 Mrs. Chan Mayfair/Tacony 2BR $720 utils inc. pets ok, close to transp. (718)702-8852

Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (267)988-5890 Germantown Area. Spacious rooms for rent. Call Sheldon, 267-979-9387 Germantown - Large Rooms for Rent. Please Call (215)548-4629; 8am til 6pm. Logan/WP/NP private entry, furnished, $85-$115/wk. 609-526-5411 NE $130/wk. all utils incld. Large, furn, 1st wk free. 267-600-2887 Olney & N. Phila. Furn rms cpt, nr trans, kit, coin W/D, $55+. Call 516-527-0186 SW,N, W Move-in Special! $90-$125/wk Clean furn. rooms. SSI ok. 215-220-8877 SW Phila - Newly renov, close to trans. $100/wk 1st wk FREE, 267-628-7454 UNIVERSITY CITY $125/wk. Room for rent, newly renov. wall to wall carpet. Priv. ent. 267-596-9283 West Phila - Room for rent, $90-$125 /wk. Call 215-921-1490 ask for Hakim W Phila clean medium rm + 1br, pvt entr nr tranMust be workg avl now 215-494 8794 W Phila & G-town: newly ren lg, lux rms /apts. ALL utils incl, SSI ok, 215-833-4065

2Br, 3Br & 4Br Houses Sec. 8 welcome beautifully renovated, (267)981-2718

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apartment marketplace


billboard [ C I T Y PA P E R ]

M AY 2 4 - M AY 3 0 , 2 0 1 2 CALL 215-735-8444

Building Blocks to Total Fitness 41035:4 $"'c featuring the girls of

=>36/>>9 AC’S NEWEST HOT SPOT

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Bachelor Party Headquarters All Nude, All The Time Home Of The 5 min. Lap Dance 8:00pm – 5:00am

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185 South Carolina Ave. Atlantic City (South Carolina & Boardwalk)

609-340-8820

12 Years of experience. Offering personal fitness training, nutrition counseling, and flexibility training. Specialize in osteoporosis, injuries, special needs. In home or at 12th Street Gym. MCKFitness@yahoo.com

AWARD WINNING, WORLD FAMOUS CUSTOM STUDIO ARTISTIC TATTOOING!

Philadelphia Eddies 621 Tattoo Haven 621 South 4th St (Middle of Tattoo Row) 215-922-7384 Open 7 Days TOP PRICES PAID. No collection too small or large! We buy everything! Call Jon at 215-805-8001 or e-mail dingo15@hotmail.com

STUDY GUITAR W/ THE BEST David Joel Guitar Studio All Styles All Levels. Former Berklee faculty member. Masters Degree with 27 yrs. teaching experience. 215.831.8640 www.myphillyguitarlessons.com

3001 Castor Avenue. Stop by for Auditions!

NEW AT THE EL BAR!!!

WEEKDAYS 5-7PM

17 Rotating Drafts Close to 200 Bottles

www.devilsdenphilly.com www.facebook.com/devilsdenphiladelphia www.twitter.com/devilsdenphilly

City Paper is very pleased to bring you our very first smartphone app! Just go to www.citypaper.net and click our martini glass icon to find out more, or type in ‘Happy Hours in the app store, android marketplace, or blackberry app world. Click the orange martini icon and get drinking. No matter where you go or when you go, you can find the nearest happy hours to you with a single click! You can even sort through bars by preference or neighborhood.

I BUY RECORDS, CD’S, DVD’S

NOW HIRING BEAUTIFUL ENTERTAINERS AT THE PENTHOUSE CLUB!

½ PRICED DRAFTS

FREE DRINKING SMARTPHONE APP!!!

KENSINGTON HAPPY MEAL! EVERY DAY UNTIL 7PM 2 ALL BEEF HOT DOGS A PBR POUNDER A BAG OF CHIPS AND A TOY ALL FOR $5

TEQUILA SUNRISE RECORDS

525 West Girard Ave VINYL AND CD SPECIALISTS CLASSIC & MODERN GLOBAL SOUNDS HOUSE TECHNO DUBSTEP DUB DISCO FUNK SOUL JAZZ DIY PUNK LSD ROCK AND LIGHT HARMONY ROOTS BLUES NOISE AVANT AND MORE TUESDAY-SUNDAY 12-6PM 01-215-965-9616

FRIDAY:

MIGHTY #BOOM W. THE BOOM BAP DJS SATURDAY:

DJ DEEJAY

SUNDAY:

SOCIETY HILL LOAN P H I L LY ’ S PA W N S H O P

4&-- #6: (0-% 4*-7&3

Collectibles, Antiques, Musical Instruments, Cameras, Electronics Check Cashing – Money Orders- Money Gram Agent. We Buy Gift Cards 645 South Street, Philadelphia. 215-925-7357

Philly Tutors SAT Prep Class

8 weekly 2 hour SAT prep classes (Math and Reading) Thursdays, 6-8pm from July 12th - August 30th North Light Community Center 175 Green Lane (in Manayunk) WWW.PHILLYTUTORS.COM

Are You Bored? Lonely? Or Not Understood? We’re HERE!

Your Super Massage Genie! 1 Call and POOF! We land at your front doorstep! Massage, Quality Company, Quality Time, etc, Your location, 24:7 A Good Listening Ear with Your Next Massage, By Someone Ultra-Intelligent & Highly Diversified! OUT-CALL. At Your Service! Call: 215-552-9517 www.EdenLove.FriendlyNow.com

Fashion Fetish?

200+ steel boned corsets in stock size S-8XL Rubber-Leather-KiltsMore by 26 designers. PASSIONAL Boutique 704 S. 5th St. Noon-10PM, 7 days a week www.passionalboutique.com

SEMEN DONORS NEEDED

SUNDAE NITE DJ MIKE NYCE

Healthy, College Educated Men 18-39 ~ $150/Sample WWW.123DONATE.COM

Open every day 4pm - 2am Sat & Sun Brunch 10am - 4pm 5th & Spring Garden www.silkcityphilly.com

Happy hour everyday even weekends - from 5-7. 1/2 price on all 6 taps! Check out our upstairs game room with pool, darts, and some classic arcade games. On the corner of 10th & Watkins Streets in South Philly.

FRANKINSTIEN BIKE WORX

MEET OR BEAT ANY PRICE! (with ad or coupon) 1529 Spruce Street. Philadelphia 215-893-0415

Learn the Art of Rock

Guitar, Bass and Drum Lessons Rock Band Camp All Summer Long www.rawku.com - East Falls Call Daniel @ 215.844.7295

WATKIN’S DRINKERY

HAPPY HOUR AT THE DIVE FREE PIZZA! $2 BEER OF THE WEEK! $2 WELL DRINKS! IT’S AMAZING! PASSYUNK AVE (7th & CARPENTER) 215-465-5505 myspace.com/thedivebar


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