Philadelphia City Paper, July 12th, 2012

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FOOD | Philly’s overlooked sandwich

NEWS | Evildoing in Harrisburg MUSIC | The Grande Marshall plan

30 YEARS OF INDEPENDENT JOURNALISM

July 12 - July 18, 2012 #1415 |

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BBA

Bachelor of Business Administration

EXPERIENCE THE POWER OF FOX® —see page 9

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the naked city

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cpstaff We made this

Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Samantha Melamed Web Editor/Movies Editor Josh Middleton Arts Editor/Copy Chief Emily Guendelsberger Food Editor/Listings Editor Caroline Russock Senior Writer Isaiah Thompson Staff Writer Daniel Denvir Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Chris Brown, Peter Burwasser, Anthony Campisi, Ryan Carey, Jane Cassady, Mark Cofta, Felicia D’Ambrosio, Jesse Delaney, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Michael Gold, K. Ross Hoffman, Brian Howard, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Cassie Owens, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Courtney Sexton, Lee Stabert, Tom Tomorrow, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Bruce Walsh, Julia West, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Madeline Bates, Michael Blancato, Jodi Bosin, Hannah Chatterjee, Frida Garza, Anna Merriman, Brittany Thomas, Nina Willbach, Andrew Wimer Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designers Brenna Adams, Matt Egger Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Office Manager/Sales Coordinator/Financial Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Senior Account Managers Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Chris Scartelli (ext. 215), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Marketing/Online Coordinator Jennifer Francano (ext. 252) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Sales Intern Chelsee Lebowitz Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel

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contents Lights, camera, gay!

Naked City ...................................................................................6 QFest Film Reviews ............................................................16 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................20 The Agenda ..............................................................................29 Food & Drink ...........................................................................36 COVER ILLUSTRATION BY CAMERON K. LEWIS

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naked

the thebellcurve

city

CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[0]

Mayor Nutter tells a federal judge the decision to ban feeding the homeless outdoors was not influenced by pressure from businesses on the Parkway. “Especially not the Barnes Foundation at 21st and the Parkway, home to one of the world’s finest holdings of Impressionist, post-Impressionist and early-modern paintings, African sculpture, metalwork and more.”

[ + 1 ] Asked why she couldn’t move her “church

without walls” indoors to feed the homeless, Rev. Violet Little tells the same judge “You can’t have a church without walls with walls.” Adding: “Also, it would make our hover-ceiling kinda pointless.”

[ - 2 ] A four-alarm warehouse fire in Northern

Liberties shuts down the El until the building can be demolished. “We prefer it if our passengers didn’t have cool things to look at during the ride,” explains SEPTA spokesperson.“Too much stimulation. Just sit there and stare at each other till it’s over. It’ll all be over soon.”

[ - 6 ] Facing a deficit of around $282 million, the school district may soon lay off 500 bluecollar workers. And because each makes $560,000 a year, this solves the problem.

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[ + 1 ] This weekend, four journalists will livetweet

coverage of the annual re-enactment of the Battle of Gettysburg. And then it’s off to law school until the economy turns around.

[ + 1 ] U.S. labor unions plan a “shadow convention” in Philadelphia three weeks before the Democratic Convention. Topics include “This One’s a Bunny Rabbit” and “Look, I Made a Swan.”

[ + 1 ] Amtrak announces its plan to decrease

the length of a trip between Philly and New York City to 37 minutes by 2040. Can we get a direct line from Northern Liberties to Williamsburg? You know, for interleague kickball.

[ + 1 ] Around 200 Occupy protesters begin their

march from Philly to New York.And soon find out that the Jersey Devil likes the Bush tax cuts and agrees with the Citizens United ruling. My, how they argued! Then he devoured them all.

This week’s total: -3 | Last week’s total: -9

evan m. loPez

[ blight ]

the sins of the father Years after the fall of Philly slumlord Robert Coyle, a new generation squabbles over his rowhouse empire. By Isaiah Thompson

I

t’s been three years since an empire of shoddy rowhomes came crashing down around Philadelphia slumlord Robert N. Coyle Sr. — a man accused of cheating tenants, blighting blocks, defrauding banks and leaving whole neighborhoods to deal with the fallout of decades of the property neglect that was his trademark.

But even as he faces a federal indictment for four counts of loan fraud, Coyle has apparently been trying to continue making money on his stock of hundreds of properties as they languish in a hazy area between default and foreclosure. Meanwhile, another landlord has been trying to buy up Coyle’s fallen empire. And central to both of their efforts — at least, until recently — was Coyle’s son, Robert Coyle Jr., who, as a recent lawsuit (by him) reveals, was helping broker such deals in exchange for the right to manage his father’s old properties.

The scramble to carve up and profit from what spoils remain, as scores of tenants hang in the balance, is the latest twist in a yearslong standoff of headache-inducing complexity and tragic inertia.

To understand it, you have to back up to 2009, when Coyle and the hundreds of properties he owned in Kensington and Port Richmond under various company names first came to public light via an expose by the Daily News. The paper reported that Coyle

had defaulted on more than $15 million in loans taken out on those properties, and that he had kept his business running in part by making bogus rent-to-own agreements with his tenants — who, instead of finding themselves owners of their houses, faced the prospect of foreclosure by the banks who’d lent to Coyle.

These tenants, the houses and their neighbors have for three years now been trapped in a state of limbo that’s become, in an odd way, a microcosm of the collapse of the u.S. housing market itself.

The $15 million Coyle had borrowed using his properties as collateral was a pre-bubble figure — that is, wildly distorted and far more than the houses were worth. When Coyle stopped making payments on that debt, shortly after the economic collapse in 2008, the banks who lent him that outlandish sum suddenly found themselves with a conundrum: If they simply foreclosed on the properties and took them to sheriff’s sale, they would realize enormous losses. But sitting on the properties could cost even more if the housing market in those neighborhoods didn’t radically improve (it hasn’t).

Neighbors and community groups, meanwhile, saw the prospect of a mass foreclosure of hundreds of properties in some of the city’s most vulnerable areas as a potential disaster that would open the floodgates of vacancy, blight and slumlord rule.

And then there are the occupants of Coyle’s old houses. Some — who had entered rent-to-own agreements with Coyle (or, as several told City Paper some years ago, with his son) and who’ve invested

The tenants have been trapped in limbo.

>>> continued on page 8

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in a certain area,” he says. “And it’s a concern that certain aspects of the community feel they have to have that.” —Samantha Melamed

[ a million stories ]

vigilante up Even in Philly’s quietest police districts, residents would like to see more uniforms on the street — and the Northeast’s 15th District is, according to Captain Francis Bachmayer, probably the busiest in the city. Which is why, starting July 1, some residents of the 15th’s Northwood neighborhood decided to take matters into their own hands — or, more precisely, put them into the hands of Harry Mearing, the for-now-one-man Neighborhood Security Patrol.

While entities like Old City District have previously hired private security to roam public streets, Mearing has a new model: He’s paid by residents — $40 per month apiece from 35 households — to patrol roughly from Roosevelt Boulevard to lieper Street, between Adams and Oxford avenues. Mearing, a former suburban police officer, is armed and tools around in a marked dodge avenger.

“Police departments, they have a lot going on with murders, drugs and everything else. Mostly what we actually do up here is deter the break-ins,” he says. “We have a big issue with prostitutes bringing johns up here … so I kind of deter that and send them along.”

Frank Bennett, vice president of Northwood Civic Association and, not coincidentally, Mearing’s cousin, is all for it. “I’ve called the cops and you’ll wait for approximately 40 minutes,” he says. “it’s sad to say, but the 15th District is spread thin.”

Bachmayer disagrees. In six years at the district, he says, he’s focused on both major and minor crimes. In the first six months of 2012, the 15th increased quality-of-life arrests by 39 percent over a year ago, and stepped up curfew enforcement. “We’re doing the small things; it’s just the perception that we’re not,” he says.

He’s planning to meet with residents to find better solutions.

“I’m concerned about a security officer armed with a gun

twominuteswith 55

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... an infill evangelist

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words with friends Since the breakup of the Dilworth Plaza encampment last fall, Occupy Philly has been homeless. And last week, on the first day of the five-day National Gathering, during a tense confrontation on Independence Mall, the police made it clear they had no interest in allowing a new base to be established. So, without local Quakers — who opened up the grounds of the Arch Street Meeting House at Fourth and Arch streets to camping Occupiers — “categorically there would have been no national Gathering,” says participant Dustin Slaughter. “There was no other place to go.”

It was a good match: With the exception of “one incident where a couple homeless brothers and sisters brought some beer,” the Quakers’ rules were respected, says Amy Kietzman, an Occupier and member of Central Philadelphia Monthly Meeting. yet, Kietzman says, the Quakers are on only slightly firmer footing than the Occupiers. The Friends General Conference — already facing an aging congregation — suffered in the recession, and the Arch Street Meeting House saw layoffs. It now has just one full-time staffer, and was kept open last week by volunteers. The Friends have even considered withdrawing funding for it altogether: It took $267,480 from their general fund to keep it afloat in 2012.

Despite the challenges, says Kietzman, “It is kind of natural for Quakers to be involved in [egalitarian movements].” But there is still tension within Quaker circles about how appropriate such activism is: “There are those who see themselves as activists and those who see themselves as prayers. I think the two go hand-in—Jake Blumgart hand, myself.”

Beth Miller

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E vA N M . l O P E z

exhibition of green storm-water-management ideas. Next up: A national ideas competition this fall, in partnership with the Philly Water Department (PWD) and the EPA, with the hope of transforming Philly’s approach to storm water.

City Paper: Why is storm-water management an issue in Philly?

Beth Miller: We have this kind of antiquated water system. When it rains really

hard, about two-thirds of the water goes into the sewer and it overwhelms the system. Rain water sweeps untreated sewage out to the Schuylkill and the Delaware rivers, which does a lot of environmental damage.

CP: What efforts are underway, and what do you envision will result from this competition?

BM: PWD decided to implement hundreds of smaller projects around the city instead

Executive director, Community Design Collaborative; mastermind, Infill Philadelphia

of investing in a few giant underground catchment basins. Instead of paying $8 billion to $10 billion over 20 years, they project to spend $2 billion over the next 20 years. PWD is one of the first urban water departments in the country to address it in this matter.

It’s an international model. … Our job is to show how green storm-water infrastructure (GSI) can be integrated into site design. Our other job is to give designers, developers and community leaders a chance to verse themselves in GSI and experiment. … In the past, we’ve approached specific local firms and asked them to provide pro bono design services. This gives it a much broader exposure, and therefore more ideas for the PWD to examine. We’ve kind of upped the ante.

—lou Mancinelli

waste lines ➤ OF ALL THE THINGS that disappoint Brady

Russell when it comes to Philly’s handling of trash — and there are many — the Recycling Rewards program stands out. “You can’t really get anything out of Recycling Rewards that you couldn’t get just by being a coupon clipper,” says Russell, Eastern Pennsylvania director of Clean Water Action.

Implemented in 2010 and run by the city and the private company RecycleBank, the program is meant to incentivize recycling. Residents get a sticker to put on their recycling bin, which is automatically scanned when emptied. Based on their area’s tally, people are awarded points to redeem coupons online. “I used to check [the site] a lot, but I could never find anything I wanted,” says Russell.

“When my recycling bin got stolen about a year ago, I never bothered to ask for a new sticker.”

Yet the city continues to tout Recycling Rewards.

The just-released “Greenworks Update and Progress Report 2012” proclaims: “In spring 2012, more than 185,000 households were enrolled … a 45 percent increase in enrollment over one year.”

What’s not mentioned in the report: the curbside recycling rate. After expanding the types of materials that can be recycled and implementing singlestream recycling, the curbside rate climbed from around 7 percent in 2007 to an estimated 18 percent to 20 percent last year. Then, it plateaued.

San Francisco diverted 78 percent of its residential and commercial trash from landfills last year through mandatory recycling and food-waste collection.

Philly’s diversion rate was 72 percent — but more than a third of that wasn’t recycled or composted, but incinerated. The city just signed a new contract for even more solid-waste incineration, over objections from environmental groups. Alex Dews with the Mayor’s Office of Sustainability admits burning trash is far from ideal, but it creates fewer emissions and lower transportation costs than putting trash in landfills. As for the city collecting organic waste, that’s not going to happen, says Dews, until there’s a commercial composting facility nearby.

Brady wants the city to put money toward improving Recycling Rewards benefits. (Some current rewards: $1 off two Bumble Bee products; $6 off two Olive Garden entrées.) The $1.7 million the city does put into the program goes to operating costs.

It’s sad that the benefits aren’t enough to make even an environmental group’s director want to participate. If whoever stole Russell’s bin is using it for recycling, “I’m probably still earning points off it,” he says. “But I honestly haven’t even checked.”

Send feedback to theresa.everline@citypaper.net

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➤ COMMUNITY DESIGN Collaborative’s Infill Philadelphia initiative is mounting an

citybeat

By Theresa Everline

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[ has a big issue with prostitutes ]

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The Sins of the Father

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[ the naked city ]

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their own money into the houses — have their own legitimate claims to ownership.

For the last three years, this mess has remained more or less stagnant. Early on, groups like Community legal Services, the office of Councilwoman Maria Quiñones-Sánchez and Volunteers for the Indigent Program tried to negotiate with the various banks holding Coyle’s debt, but with limited success. A few tenants have been able to purchase their homes, and others have been allowed to stay on better terms than they might have been without legal help.

Coyle himself essentially vanished from public view. But Coyle Jr., who had managed many of his father’s properties, is still around and kept himself busy trying to broker a deal between his father and another landlord, while positioning himself to take over some of his father’s empire.

That landlord is Manilal Mathai. Coyle Jr. sued him in April in federal court for allegedly violating a “confidential” agreement that would have allowed not only Mathai but also both Coyles to continue to profit from Coyle Sr.’s withering inventory.

According to the suit, first reported by the blog Philadelinquency, Mathai approached Coyle Jr. in 2010, shortly after he’d purchased his first batch of 65 Coyle properties from another bank, and asked if Coyle Jr. could help him purchase more of his father’s inventory. (Coyle Sr. was apparently incommunicado by this point.)

Coyle Jr., who spoke with City Paper last week, has repeatedly claimed he does not work with or for his father, and hasn’t for 14 years. “It’s a strange relationship, which I would rather not comment on right now. … People have associated his problems with me, which is unfortunate,” he said. He nonetheless acknowledged that he agreed to approach his father on Mathai’s behalf and helped draft an agreement whereby Mathai would purchase more than 60 more properties mortgaged to Nova Bank. For this effort, Coyle Jr. would get a cut of the sale and contracts to manage the properties for Mathai. (Coyle Jr. owns two management companies, Apex Management and Brownstone Property Group.)

“I asked my father, ‘Are you in a position to sell them, and would you sell them?’” Coyle Jr. says. “Again, it’s a strange relationship, but business is business.”

Coyle claims that an arrangement was made in which he provided Mathai with information that would give him an “edge” — but that Mathai instead went behind both Coyles’ backs to strike a deal with Nova Bank. Mathai, city records confirm, purchased not the properties themselves but the debt attached to them, which would allow him to foreclose on the properties if he should so choose.

Mathai did not respond to a request for comment; nor did Sherman Toppin, a real-estate law firm that had been acting as receiver for some of the properties and is representing Mathai in the suit.

His dispute with Coyle Jr. aside, Mathai’s second move toward sweeping up Coyle’s properties has neighbors worried that he’s on his way to becoming Coyle reincarnate.

Indeed, Mathai’s first purchase of 65 Coyle

properties from another bank didn’t exactly endear him to suspicious neighbors like Jamie Moffett, whose studio abutted a blighted, drug-infested Coyle property acquired by Mathai.

(Moffett says Coyle and Mathai inspired him to start Kensington Renewal, a nonprofit project to buy blighted homes and resell them to responsible homeowners.) Moffett called Mathai repeatedly, and says he was repeatedly assured that Mathai would fix the place up. Instead, it, too, sat vacant and blighted for nearly a year before Mathai made repairs and got a tenant.

Maura Kennedy of the city’s Department of licenses & Inspections says Mathai was among the landlords targeted by l&I over the last year. The city took him to court for code violations on 15 properties, resulting

“We’re worried. Is it a shell game?” in fines of more than $16,000.

Kennedy says Mathai has since complied with most of the city’s requests that he better maintain the Coyle properties he acquired.

News of the Coyle Jr. lawsuit came as a surprise to many who’ve been following the Coyle case: It revealed not only that Mathai now controls 60 more Coyle properties, but also that Coyle Sr. and his son, an active player in the local real-estate market, have been doing business together and had a hand (or tried to) in Mathai’s dealings.

The last thing anyone in the area wants to see is another Coyle.

“Obviously, we’re worried,” says Sandy Salzman, executive director of the New Kensington Community Development Corp., which has been a loud voice in the Coyle affair. “He already owns a lot of the Coyle properties in the area, and it’s great if he’s going to do something with them. But is it a shell game? Are they just passing properties back and forth?

That’s my concern.” (isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net)

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â&#x17E;¤ CLASS WAR IS HELL â&#x20AC;&#x201D; at least, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on

the losing side. And under Republican Gov. Tom Corbett, most Philadelphians are.

This is the peculiar moral logic of Pennsylvaniaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new budget, signed June 30: Programs and services that benefit the poor, working and middle classes are being sacrificed on the altar of the no-new-taxes pledge Corbett signed with Washington anti-government power broker Grover Norquist. under legislative pressure, Corbett rolled back some proposed cuts â&#x20AC;&#x201D; rendering what had been a blueprint for devastation merely a ruinous assault on the public good.

And now, some mechanisms by which he intends to secure the commonwealthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s political fate â&#x20AC;&#x201D; suppression of unfriendly voters, corporate welfare, propaganda by cronies and partisans â&#x20AC;&#x201D; is clear.

School districts, hobbled by last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s $1 billion funding cut, now face a takeover from the same state government that has been starving them. Programs serving the poor, homeless and disabled are facing cuts of $84 million. More than 69,000 vulnerable Pennsylvanians â&#x20AC;&#x201D; including domestic-violence victims and recovering addicts â&#x20AC;&#x201D; will shortly lose their measly $205-a-month cash assistance. Some 16,900 public-sector workers have already been kicked to the curb. And no funding fix is in sight for the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crumbling roads and transit systems.

Corbett and the Republican legislature (sometimes with Democratic support) have profoundly warped our state in just two years. But class war has provided lucrative spoils for the governorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pillage-happy friends in private industry.

Harrisburg, in a bipartisan effort resisted by only the most progressive Democrats, delivered an additional $75 million to private schools â&#x20AC;&#x201D; just as public schools fired teachers, cut arts and even contemplated eliminating kindergarten. The stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Educational Improvement Tax Credit (EITC), which gives corporations a tax kickback for subsidizing private-school tuition, is expanding to $100 million, alongside $50 million more for a related program for students living near low-performing schools. The EITC money, a New York Times investigation found, goes through middlemen who coordinate donations with politicians whom they lobby.

Energy companies profiting from Corbettâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s amongthe-lowest-in-the-nation natural-gas-extraction tax also got a surprise gift â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a surprise, that is, to the general public â&#x20AC;&#x201D; when Shell Oil nabbed a $1.65 billion tax subsidy based on dubious job-creation projections.

Indeed, a budget that is strictly conservative when it comes to peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s needs is downright liberal when it comes to corporate giveaways. Consider the phaseout of the corporate stock and franchise tax, which, along with other corporate tax breaks, will cost the state an estimated $2.4 billion, according to the liberal think tank Pennsylvania Budget and Policy Center. Or look to the loophole allowing companies

to avoid paying taxes here by routing profits through Delaware â&#x20AC;&#x201D; at an annual cost estimated in 2004 to be $400 million.

Outraged? Thanks to the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new voter ID law, the lowincome people suffering most under Corbett could be denied the right to fight back. As House Majority leader Mike Turzai boasted, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Voter ID â&#x20AC;Ś is gonna allow Gov. Romney to win the state of Pennsylvania.â&#x20AC;?

The web of power and money that fuels this retrograde political network runs thick.

This week, City Paper reported that Mitt Romney fund raiser Chris Bravacos, former state Republican Party executive director and â&#x20AC;&#x153;longtime friendâ&#x20AC;? of the governor, was awarded a $250,000 contract from the Corbett administration to promote voter ID. Bravacos also runs the Bravo

It has provided lucrative spoils.

Foundation, which funnels EITC private-schools donations. And he sits on the board of the procharter Philadelphia School Partnership, which is set to receive $15 million from the William Penn Foundation â&#x20AC;&#x201D; which funded and promoted the proposal to dismantle Philly public schools.

Bravo is making a $24,900 subcontract to the Skyler Group, a consulting outfit run by Otto V. Banks. Banks also heads the pro-school-voucher REACH Foundation, a recipient of funding from the right-wing American Federation for Children, which also funds campaigns against anti-voucher politicians. Bravacos sits on a REACH board, with a whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s who of state conservatives.

Voter ID is a cynical effort to suppress the poor and black vote.

But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just one front in an elite campaign to entrust the management of the commonwealth to the super-rich and consign the rest of us to serfdom.

Send feedback to daniel.denvir@

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By A.D. Amorosi

³ THREE YEARS IS not a long time, like, geo-

logically speaking. But the 36-plus months in which the Rodin Museum and its gardens were being messed up (okay, revitalized) — that felt like forever. The 83-year-old home to the largest collection of Auguste Rodin sculpture outside of Paris was the first museum I ever visited, even before its big brother down the block. To a child, the Rodin is a primer to how grand art can be.

Since you never truly miss the water till the well runs dry, it’s delicious to have the place reopening this weekend. The Gates of Hell never looked so good. ³ There’s a sign in the window at 943 S. Ninth St. that says Pascual Cancelliere’s swell Argentine BYOB 943 is closed temporarily due to illness. Oy. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and a quick reopening. ³ Free-jazz art-punks Bob Cozzolino and George Draguns — Flying Sutra to you — have dates with dancing devils. On July 18, Sutra’s got sword-wielding belly-dancer Irene Reinke doing her Bix Beiderbecke bop with some Homophones and Oral Sex Suicide on board at the Troc’s Balcony. At Magic Gardens July 28, Sutra flames up with fire dancers and Scratched and Dented.Whoosh. ³ Moms, lock up your very old daughters: Willie Nelson,Neil Young and John Mellencamp will host the heartland’s hottest benefit concert — Farm Aid — when it returns to the area Sept. 22 at Hershey Park Stadium.The annual farm-jam hit Burgettstown, Pa., in 2002 and Camden in ’06. ³ It ain’t sexy with its spiral notebook binding, but Shake, Stir, Pour: Fresh Homegrown Cocktails from Han Dynasty mixologist/Tiki specialist Katie Loeb just came out (foreword by Jose Garces),and it’s a doozy. Along with reading about how Loeb preps farm-fresh ingredients for 50 original recipes, you can check her out at a location-undisclosed August booklaunch event with Rum Bar’s Adam Kanter. ³ After Allied Advertising lost its Philly-film-PR traffic cop Nick Tarnowski to run their Denver office, Allied announces that the new director of directing things is Jesse Cute.“My reign of terror begins,” laughs the Cute one. ³ Philly’s annual LGBTQ-film con, QFest (City Paper’s coverage begins on p. 14), kicks off July 12 with a bash for badge holders at Table 31 and model/rap moll Amber Rose repping Fluffed and Whipped. Nothing dirty, folks, we’re talking vodka. ³ Congratulations are quietly in order as longtime couple Crossfaded Bacon producer/DJ Emil Nassar (aka Emynd) and Amy Rivera (Wing King/Chili Bowl/food truck promoting fame) got engaged without telling their pals. Well, they know now. Ain’t love grand? ³ There’s plenty more fluffing and whipping when Icepack gets illustrated at citypaper.net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

LIVING VENTI: Grande Marshall stands at the forefront of the city’s trill contingent.

JESSICA KOURKOUNIS

[ hip-hop ]

DRIVE North Philly rapper-producer Grande Marshall gears up. By Cassie Owens

“

I

don’t drive, and I’m not too big on paying for public transportation,” Grande Marshall says after breezing up to our interview on a skateboard. “Skating is my typical means. I like that kind of freedom, like I’m floating and all that. The jawns love it, too.”

The 18-year-old rapper-slash-producer, whose debut mixtape, 800, should drop any day now, currently lives in North Philly, but grew up all over the Mid-Atlantic. That means he idolized Beans and Ghostface, but also listened to Baltimore club music and played in a go-go band. In third grade he was rapping; by eighth, he was making beats.

His first teacher was a beatmaker named Collage. “It was on this forum site, I had messaged him, like, ‘Yo, I’m trying to get into producing.’” Entirely over the internet, Collage taught him how to chop samples. “I used to make garbage. But then the more I practiced, the more I developed a knack for it.”

Ciphers in high school served as the usual training ground. “In the morning [people would say], ‘Oh, such and such wants to battle you, blah blah blah.’ I never lost.” In 10th grade, Grande got into some trouble, and ended up in boot camp for the summer. Upon his return, he found out a video of him battle-rapping had gone viral, his first taste of fame.

He gave community college a shot, but it wasn’t for him. “It was,

like, the 13th grade. I hated that.” He began to pursue music more seriously, and inched onto the blogosphere’s radar in 2011 with a moody track called “Robert Earl.” Lately, Grande’s been dropping new stuff through Soundcloud — some songs, some club mixes and some stuff not so easy to classify. “I want to be able to make whatever type of music I want to make whenever I want to make it,” he shrugs.

Hard beats and skateboarding are loves he shares with friends in A$AP Mob, to whom he has often been compared. Grande’s music is never gun-shy — five samples isn’t too many, trunkshakers on 40 is the intent. His layers of percussion combine styles that normally wouldn’t be together, proof that regional differences in hip-hop are peeling away. The themes of the elevated hustler rap that has dominated the airwaves since the turn of the millennium is maintained, if not amplified.

“Turning blond hair to rose gold — oh no,” Grande raps on “E&J.” The swag and the luxury aren’t going anywhere, just getting brainier. Some call this music trillwave. Grande stands at the forefront of the Philadelphia trill contingent.

“I make music where if you’re riding in the car, I want it to be smooth when you hear it.” The car of Grande’s dreams — a 1991 Mercedes-Benz 560SEC AMG — is already in his sight, but not necessarily within reach. “Probably be like an emerald green or a mahogany with a champagne interior,” he says without taking a breath. Till then, there’s more music to drop and places to tour before the summer ends. He hops on his skateboard, and pushes onward. (cassie.owens@citypaper.net)

“I like that kind of freedom, like I’m floating.”

the naked city | feature

[ giant, world-crushing animals ] ³ rock/pop

Australian singer-songwriter Kate Miller-Heidke has a voice like a mountain nymph and the austere, classic aura of a Roman frieze. So it’s always a sweet switch when, as on the new Nightflight (SIN), the angelic chamber-pop marches on but the lyrics stoop to earthly concerns. Is she really a drinker, a wanderer and a loner, like she claims in “Let Me Fade”? Has she ever thrown a punch, as she threatens to do on the title track? KMH plays World Café Live on Sunday (July 15, worldcafelive.com), but I wouldn’t step to her.

—Patrick Rapa

Exemplary cranked-up, windows-down, summertime road music, Vermonter Kyle Thomas’ eponymous second LP as King Tuff (Sub Pop) is a blissful wedding of muscular stoner-dude riffage to wimpishly pinched indie-nerd vocals and a fun-loving honeymoon through rock ’n’ roll’s back pages. There’s a Ted Leo/Thin Lizzy Celtic lilt to some of the licks, generous side helpings of boogie, glam and jangle, and a couple of tenderhearted slow jams that are just as instantly crush-worthy as the stadium-daydream stompers.

—K. Ross Hoffman

³ klezmer/traditional Susan Watts is rightly famous for her trumpet playing, but on the

new, self-released Hartsklap, her vocals grab just as much attention.

Watts has developed a jazz style that subtly scats in Yiddish. “Joseph Joseph” has been a live showstopper for years now, mixing klez and Latin seamlessly. Watts gathered a platoon of young talent plus drummer extraordinaire Elaine Watts — mom to Susan and matriarch to klezmer players everywhere — to render sophisticated settings of standards as well as new compositions.

—Mary Armstrong

flickpick

By A.D. Amorosi

³ blues/rock Church bells ring, an organ bubbles up suggesting more club than chapel, then a huge, growling shout splits the air with a deeply cynical thriller: “I’m talking ’bout love but I’m dealing in fear.” Meet Paul Mark and the Van Dorens. Screaming, rocking blues segue into a subdued, even more desolate, “When God Finds the Time.” There is a tale of foreclosure, an instrumental suggestion of Los Lobos. Gritty and at times depressing, but too compelling to quit, the recent Smartest Man in the Room (Radiation) is going to make you focus on things —Mary Armstrong you’d rather avoid.

[ movie review ]

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD [ B ] TAKING TOP PRIZES at both Sundance and Cannes, Benh Zeitlin’s first feature,

³ ECHO ORBITER IS a delightfully strange and rarely gigging ensemble; any time they offer up their weird-dream brand of space-psychedelia, you should savor it. You never know when the brothers Emerle (guitarist Justin, bassist Colin) are going to disappear again.

The New Jersey-bred Emerles started making oddly orchestrated pop in 1996 and brought their messed-up sound to Philly stages soon after. The pair dropped some experimental, contagiously melodic self-released albums (A Moment in Life That’s Right and Laughing All the While) and got cozy with the Elephant 6 collective (The Apples in Stereo, The Olivia Tremor Control) before disintegrating in an apparent haze of post-9/11 disgust.

But Echo Orbiter didn’t break up. Far from it.

Instead, they continued to record six full-length albums, five EPs and seven singles. They might not have released them all, but they taped them.

Suddenly, without provocation or hype, the Emerles and drummer Jeremiah Steffen returned to the stage in 2010 with additional members and released a new fuzz-guitar-heavy album, Euphonicmontage.

Now Echo Orbiter is back again with the long, free Aerosol Power EP, recorded during a four-day stretch in the Poconos this past December. “Oddly enough, what’s radically different about making music this time around is the fact that the music is just the basic two-guitar, drums and bass formula,” says Justin Emerle. “There aren’t any fancy studio tricks or any multi-tracked pianos or synths or any of that stuff that we’ve used on all the records in the past.”

Hell, we’re happy just to see you back in orbit. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

21

✚ Sat., July 14, 7:30 p.m., $8-$10, with Trouble Everyday and Break It Up, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215291-4919, kungfunecktie.com.

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Beasts of the Southern Wild, arrives on a tsunami of praise, with backlash aftershocks immediately following. It’s a gorgeous thing, set in an impoverished Southern area called the Bathtub that pointedly resembles rural Louisiana. (The film was shot in South Terrebone Parish.) It’s there that a spirited 6-year-old named Hushpuppy (the astonishing Quvenzhané Wallis) makes her home in a tree-bound trailer, connected by zip line to one occupied by her alcoholic father (Dwight Henry). Captured on Super 16mm, the film’s images are warm and earthy, the colors rich and saturated, as if the print had been dug up from a particularly loamy patch of ground. But the beauty is troubling — not simply because it runs the risk of aestheticizing rural poverty, but because Zeitlin and his collaborators seem heedless of the possibility. Intermingling myth with recent history, Beasts visits devastation on the Bathtub in the form of giant, world-crushing animals who charge endlessly through miniature cities, their approach chronicled in blurry cutaways that flaunt an aesthetic at once handmade and supernatural. Zeitlin, who co-wrote the script with playwright Lucy Alibar, is the son of folklorists, and Beasts has some of the meta-mythological tone of Zora Neale Hurston’s fiction, but it’s also infused with a troubling sense of privilege that’s difficult to shake. Many of the film’s champions offer little more than ardent cooing, bristling at “cynical” criticisms as if it were a baby chick in need of sheltering. For all the wondrous gravity of Wallis’ performance, it’s hard not to cringe at Hushpuppy’s faux-naif voiceover — “We is who the earth is for” — which mimics the worst of Terrence Malick’s excesses without his poetic rigor.

Beasts is a movie eminently worth seeing, but surrendering to its spell is as dangerous as trusting in government-built levees. —Sam Adams

Surrendering to its spell is dangerous.

WHIZ KID: Buzz in Hollywood says Quvenzhané Wallis may snag an Oscar for her portrayal of Hushpuppy, the spirited 6-year-old at the heart of Benh Zeitlin’s first feature.

UNDO THE COLLAPSE

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Under the covers with Justin Bauer

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³ SOME BOOKS ARE more unkind to reviewers than others.

Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl (Crown, June 5), among its considerable mean-spirited charms, is the sort of book that sets out to torment its recommenders at least as much as its characters.

Gone Girl shows up with several surprises, and juices every possible bit of suspense out of them. It relies very thoroughly on the experience of reading the book for the first time, so for a reviewer to even point out that the story, which starts off with a wife’s disappearance and the suspicion cast on her husband, relies on a pair of characters who are

both congenital liars already steals a little of Flynn’s thunder.

But that’s no more than the jacket copy gives away. Flynn strips away layers of deceit to reveal a carefully designed, meticulously executed plot. The beginning is structured as a whodunit, the second act tips over into a revenge plot, and the third act sidesteps the bloody Grand Guignol conclusion that a more gleefully down-market author might tack on.

The result runs the risk of seeming mechanical, but in the fashion of a ticking time bomb. The narrative starts with Nick on the day of his wife Amy’s disappearance, and alternates chapters between his first-person POV and her diary, which moves from their first meeting toward her disappearance. The construction is tight enough that even when Nick points out that he’s “a big fan of the lie of omission,” undermining the impression that we’ve been reading the candid thoughts of an untrustworthy man, it seems only a little clumsy; just a speed bump in Gone Girl’s headlong rush.

I. J. Kay’s Mountains of the Moon (Viking, July 5) is no less cagey about giving up its secrets, even if the book goes about its business in an almost opposite fashion, shattering a straightforward plot into glittering fragments and building up layers rather than stripping them away. It spoils nothing to explain that Mountains tells the story of a woman recently released from prison who finds a job in a doughnut factory and plans to spend her disability settlement on a trip to Africa. It makes things no more attractive to point out that her story is formed from the stuff of agony memoirs: childhood abuse and neglect, dead-end jobs and crime.

But the unrelenting bleakness is lightened by moments of absurd humor, like when Kay’s heroine, Louise, is faced with the task of removing a horse from the piss-soaked front room of a vacation cottage it had been stabled in; or unexpected kindnesses like a cafe owner’s willingness to spot a coffee and a meal to a justreleased prisoner.

Very few of these moments are related in a straightforward way.

[ arts & entertainment ]

Mountains’ main character cycles through a series of names and identities, starting with precocious 7-year-old Lulu King, who becomes Catherine in foster care and Kim by the time she goes to prison. Kay offers little help to her reader as adult Louise replays her past; she proceeds by associations and resonances, building up an image of a complete character through fragments.

But if she’s uncompromising, Kay is never willfully difficult. Each fragment is vivid, whether 7-year-old Lulu’s transformation of the waste field behind her council block into the Masai Mara and herself into a painted barefoot warrior, or adult Louise standing apart from herself in a market in Nairobi.

What unites these fragments is their narrator’s singular voice, at turns innocent and wised-up, fragile and tough. It evolves with its character, always recognizable but tailored to fit each identity. And if Louise comes off as more earnest and genuine than Gone Girl’s Nick, she’s no less carefully constructed. Kay builds up layers of meaning and resonance atop a plain foundation; Flynn strips ambiguities away to display her story’s perfect bone structure. (j_bauer@citypaper.net)

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WEDNESDAY, JULY 18TH s 7:30PM FRANKLIN INSTITUTE TUTTLEMAN IMAXÂŽ TO ENTER FOR A CHANCE TO WIN TWO TICKETS TEXT GOTHAM AND YOUR ZIPCODE TO 43549 (EXAMPLE TEXT: GOTHAM 19103) THIS FILM IS RATED PG-13 FOR INTENSE SEQUENCES OF VIOLENCE AND ACTION, SOME SENSUALITY, AND LANGUAGE. Please note: No purchase necessary. Deadline for entries is Friday, July 13, 2012 at 5PM ET. Theater is overbooked to ensure a full house. Arrive early. Tickets received through this promotion do not guarantee admission. There is no charge to text 43KIX. Message and data rates from your wireless carrier may apply. Text HELP for info, STOP to optout. One entry per cell phone number. Late and/or duplicate entries will not be considered. Winners will be notiďŹ ed electronically. Seating is on a ďŹ rst-come, ďŹ rst-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. No one will be admitted without a ticket or after the screening begins. Must be at least 13 years of age to enter contest and attend screening. Anti-piracy security will be in place at this screening. By attending, you agree to comply with all security requirements. All federal, state, and local regulations apply. Warner Bros. Pictures, Philadelphia City Paper and their afďŹ liates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred, or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible for lost, delayed, or misdirected entries, phone failures, or tampering. Void where prohibited by law.

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ottle rockets whistle through the air and beer cans crunch underfoot. Smoke from the grills mixes with exhaust from the line of bikers rolling up. Snapping snares and brutalized guitars echo across FDR Skate Park. Around the band, a small mob is thrashing, a storm of studs, spikes, leather and dreads. It’s a scene made hazy and jittery by heat and sweat and bloodied-up elbows. There’s a sense of brotherhood and an undercurrent of barely contained chaos.

All of which is standard operating procedure for the Philly Punx Picnic.

Every year since 2007, its organizers — Nyssa Capps, Chris Tsonos and Leora Colby — have worked their community ties to produce a DIY, multi-show, multi-venue festival of proud-and-dirty rock shows across South and West Philly. (The 2012 edition went down last week.)

“When I first moved here from D.C. back in 2005, there was the punk scene, but then there were the thrashers and the metalheads and the street punks and the hardcore kids and the skaters and the bikers and everyone else — it was all there, but they were very disconnected,” says Tsonos.

The trio trace the Picnic’s origins back to their days hanging out at Disgraceland, a dingy, now-defunct show house in South Philly.

The place is remembered fondly as an epicenter of the Philly scene, a shelter for communal, creative living and a reliable place for underage kids to land their first shows.

“Slowly it got into everybody’s heads that we’re all doing the same thing,” recalls Tsonos. “Now you go to these shows and you see a metal band and a hardcore band and crust band — we’ve all just come together and grown so fast.”

The Picnic is, in part, a celebration of the local scene; 20 of the 30 bands that played this year were from Philly. Violent Society, a staple of the city’s hardcore scene since the early ’90s and longtime idol of the Punx, headlined the main event at FDR. The lineup was rounded out by out-of-towners like Fucktard from California and The Krays from Brooklyn.

“There’s other people that can make huge events happen. We want ours to be a small, DIY, mid-sized festival that isn’t off the charts,” says Capps. “It’s just something that you’re going to hear about through other people who have been here. There’s a need for a festival this size and not to take it in another direction.”

The mission is also to make it affordable; a four-day pass was only $25. “That brings it back to the whole DIY aspect,” says Colby, former frontwoman to the band Thusla Doom. “That $25 won’t pay any of us — it’s gonna pay for the bands, the permits, the port-a-potties, the beer and the food and the merch. At the end of the day we’ll break even and hopefully we can actually make a little money to invest in future endeavors and do more shows and more events and have a budget to start off with.”

The ultimate goal is to continue gaining sponsors — right now, allies include South Street stalwarts Tattooed Mom and Crash Bang Boom, Blackbird Pizzeria and Beautiful World Syndicate record store — and to one day establish their own venue in South Philly or Point Breeze and put on smaller-scale punk shows year-round.

“Being punk isn’t about being drunk in a gutter. I mean, yeah, we’ve got those people too, but you can still be a productive member of society,” says Colby. “You build a skill set. I’m a pastry chef, Nyssa is a carpenter, Chris is a chef. We all have skills. You better your life and you bring it back to the scene. You say, ‘Here’s what I can do for the community that raised me.’”

THAT’S JUST HARDCORE: Local punk veterans Violent Society headlined the Philly Punx Picnic show at FDR Skate Park on Saturday.

BRITTANY THOMAS

In the Picnic’s six-year history, there have been some wild moments: A tire fire. A bit of brick-throwing. And there was that one time the Red Bull car got hijacked — well, more like temporarily occupied, says Tsonos. “In 2008, we were having a block party on Sixth Street when the Red Bull car showed up out of nowhere.” While the drivers (both traditionally attractive young women, as is standard for Red Bull promotions) were out of the car passing out energy drinks, says an amused Capps, “Some people jumped in their car and locked the doors, so these hot Red Bull girls had to stay and hang out the whole day.”

But the chaos never quite gets as extreme as it could — the fire was quickly extinguished, and even the quasi-hijacking ended amicably. “One of the guys who hijacked the car got [the girls’] phone numbers; I think they went on a date later,” laughs Tsonos. “When we took care of those situations, it showed how together everyone really is, how responsible we’ll be if we have to be,” he continues. “We had a row of people throwing buckets down the line to put out that fire.”

“Being a parent myself, I feel a little more personal responsibility to promote a good environment for young punks to grow up in,” says Colby. “I was raised by punks.

My ethics and my morals, my perceptions on reality and society and the way things work were educated through punk, and it’s definitely a positive message.”

Six years ago, this was just a hyper-local picnic at Lemon Hill. Now it’s a festival that people schedule their tours and vacations around.

“It’s really nice to see the full circle,” says Capps, “Like, some 16year-old punks coming to their first show see that they can actually make a career of living DIY. You can start a business, you can contribute to the community by creating jobs. There’s a lot of growing up that you can do by staying in this place and this way of life. Philly proves it, everywhere you look: There’s no city like this.” (brittany@citypaper.net)

Ultimately, the organizers would like to open their own venue to put on shows year-round.

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A BRILLIANT REIMAGINING

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FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

“IT’S THE BEST SPIDER-MAN YET.

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movie

OF AN Dark Horse

NEW BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD|B Read Sam Adams’ review on p. 21. (Ritz Five)

DARK HORSE|B+

ICE AGE: CONTINENTAL DRIFT A haiku: Non-Pixar critters have non-Pixar adventures Isn’t Pixar great? (Not reviewed) (Pearl, UA Riverview)

TAKE THIS WALTZ|C+ Sarah Polley made her feature-length directorial debut with

QFEST SHORTS PROGRAMS

EPIC

FRANCHISE. I CAN’T WAIT TO

SEE IT AGAIN.” MARLOW STERN

COLUMBIA PICTURES PRESENTS A MARVEL ENTERTAINMENT/LAURA ZISKIN/AVI ARAD/MATT TOLMACH PRODUCTION “THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN™” ANDREW GARFIELD EMMA STONE RHYSMUSICIFANS DENIS LEARY CAMPBELL SCOTT IRRFAN KHAN WITH MARTIN SHEEN BASEDAND ONSALLY FIELD BY JAMES HORNERSTORY EXECUTIVE THE PRODUCERS STAN LEE KEVIN FEIGE MICHAEL GRILLO MARVEL COMIC BOOK BY STAN LEE AND STEVE DITKO BY JAMES VANDERBILT SCREENPLAY PRODUCED

BY JAMES VANDERBILT AND ALVIN SARGENT AND STEVE KLOVES

BY LAURA ZISKIN AVI ARAD MATT TOLMACH DIRECTED

BY MARC WEBB

BLACK, BLUES, AND OTHER HUES Ritz at the Bourse, 400 Ranstead St., 267-765-9800, qfest. com. Cross Your Fingers (2011, U.K., 17 min.): A punk gets a boner for a traditionalist in South London. The Bus Pass (2010, U.S., 3 min.): A woman contemplates asking

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It’s easy to hate Todd Solondz; indeed, there are moments when he practically begs for it. But to dismiss him, or Abe (Jordan Gelber), the thoroughly loathsome hero of Dark Horse, is to let them, and yourself, off easy. A font of entitlement and unearned self-confidence, Abe is a tubby, spoiled thirtysomething who lives with his parents and works (when he works) at his father’s business. He drives a bright yellow Hummer and stocks his bedroom with new-in-thebox action figures. He is, in short, a four-star asshole. But after daring us to despise him, Solondz flips the script, positing him as an underdog in a world filled with heartless high-achievers. Like Solondz’s Palindromes, Dark Horse splits in two, bringing Abe’s inner disappointments to physical life and taking the film in wholly unexpected directions, skewering both the protagonists of the manchild mini-genre and the film’s aesthetic bankruptcy. As is often the case with Solondz, the characters’ off-putting nature masks, and in some ways eases, the film’s more difficult challenges, but they’re all worth rising to. —Sam Adams (Ritz at the Bourse)

Away From Her, a visually controlled, mildly stultifying story about an older woman succumbing to Alzheimer’s — a striking choice of subject for a woman then in her late 20s.

Take This Waltz, her second feature, hews much closer to home, set among the creative class in her native Toronto. Michelle Williams plays an underemployed writer whose fiveyear marriage to foodie Seth Rogen has settled into a dull patch. Considering he’s working on a cookbook about ways to prepare chicken — and only chicken — it’s not surprisingly that he’s outwardly comfortable with their mundane routine.

But her nagging dissatisfaction pushes to the surface when she strikes up an in-flight conversation with a comely rickshaw driver (yes, that’s really Luke Kirby), and finds out he happens to live across the street. Considering Polley’s first marriage ended after a five-year span, Take This Waltz isn’t short on personal resonance. But it’s difficult to be engaged by the movie’s tragic undertones when it mostly suggests that Williams and Rogen should never have gotten together in the first place. The ways Williams and Kirby sublimate their apparent mutual attraction — a potential kiss turns into an impromptu thumb-wrestling match — starts cute and rapidly becomes cloying. Sarah Silverman’s scenes as Rogen’s recovering alcoholic sister are, surprisingly, the movie’s most grounded, but they can’t pull the rest of it down to earth. —SA (Ritz at the Bourse)

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her dream girl out after she meets her on the bus. Bumming Cigarettes (2012, U.S., 24 min.): Vee bonds with a stranger over smokes while she awaits the results of an HIV test. Polaroid Girl (2012, U.S., 17 min.): A vintagecamera store is just the place for a bashful girl to find a beautiful lady.

Tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Aint Nobodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bizness (2011, U.S., 29 min.): This mini examines the blues as a source of ambiguously bisexual divas. Fri., July 20, 7:15 p.m., $10.

DANGEROUS SEX Ritz East, 125 S. Second St. Bug Chaser (2011, U.S., 20 min.): Problems

arise after a condom-free one-night

stand. Candy (2012, U.S., 8 min.): College student Vic learns to minimize his chats with phone-sex callers. The Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Room (2011, U.S., 15 min.): Bathroom sex is a horrible idea. My Night with Andrew Cunanan (2012, U.S., 11 min.): Yet another silly boy pursues a charming stranger who turns out to be a famous killer. Transsexual Dominatrix (2011, U.S., 4 min.): Shawna Virago shows off her dominatrix skills. Consentement (2012, France, 15 min.): Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a bad idea to bribe the concierge for sex. Performance Anxiety (2012, U.S., 15 min.): Two hetero actors manhandle their way through a gaysex scene. Tue., July 17, 9:30 p.m. and

Fri., July 20, 9:45 p.m., $10.

A FAMILY AFFAIR Ritz East. Fallen Comrade (2012, U.S., 11 min.): Love sparks between two soldiers on the front lines. Time Out (2011, U.K./India, 13 min.): A tween realizes basketballs arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the only balls his older brotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been touching. Absence of Love (2012, U.S., 26 min.): Returning to Atlanta for his fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s funeral, a gay black man finds himself alienated. Pride (2011, U.S., 22 min.): Stephenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Alzheimerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s-afflicted dad moves in right before Pride. Groomâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cake (2012, U.S., 35 min.): This pseudodoc covers the days preceding a gay coupleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wedding and the arrival of their adopted baby. Wed., July 18, 5 p.m., $10.

fun distraction at Williamâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dull Shabbat dinner. Prora (2012, Switzerland, 23 min.): Janâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s outgoing straight pal Matthieu takes a turn for the gay. Bald Guy (2011, Norway 12 min.): Knowing their son is making out with a man is one thing for Jonasâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; parents â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but making out with a bald guy? Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when the shit hits the fan. Wild Imaginings (2011, Australia, 10 min.): Sam uses his dreamscape to find peace with his sexuality. Utopia (2012, France, 21 min.): After they meet online, Julien helps shy Thomas come out of his shell. 33 Teeth (2012, U.S., 8 min.): Eddie has the hots for his neighbor Chad. Mon., July 16, 9:30 p.m. and Sat., July 22, noon, $10.

FORBIDDEN FRUIT Ritz at the Bourse. The Maiden and the Princess (2011, U.S., 18 min.): Emmy slips into fantasy world when she discovers her penchant for kissing

FIRST CONTACT Ritz East. Shabbat Dinner (2012, U.S., 14 min.): A cute nerd makes for a

E ON GHT NI NLY O

SHUT UP AND PLAY THE HITS The Very Loud Ending of

[ movie shorts ]

girls. Girl Scouting (2011, U.S., 12 min.): Angie gets schooled on lesbianism when visiting pals at a dyke bar.

Fluid (2011, U.S., 17 min.): No one on Angieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s flag football team knows she swings the other way. Really?! Candy Apple Red (2011, U.S., 15 min.): An intuitive masseuse helps a photographer forget about some troubles at home. Connected (2012, U.S., 7 min.): Deb finds a surprise in her future when she invites a tarot reader over. After Lunch (2010, Brazil, 13 min.): Andrea and Nana share vivid dreams while the hubbies watch football and scratch their balls. Thu., July 19, 7:15 p.m., $10.

LOVE HER OR LEAVE HER Ritz East. Tsuyako (2011, Japan, 21 min.): A factory laborer in post-war Japan must choose between his family and true love. Chloe Likes Olivia (2011, Denmark, 19 min.): Chloe likes Olivia â&#x20AC;Ś but Oliviaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s with Amber.

Always Again (2011, U.K., 6 min.): Kimâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s co-workers have trouble accepting sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s engaged to a woman. Out of Bounds (2011, U.S., 17 min.): An affianced lesbian couple butts heads over titles. Sugar Cookie (2012, U.S., 22 min.): A secret admirer gets in the way of DJâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s plans to spice up her sex life with her partner. Adeleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Riddle (2011, Spain, 11 min.): Carolinaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s girlfriend uses riddles to convey her feelings. Mon., July 16, 7 p.m. and Tue., July 17, 5:15 p.m., $10.

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the agenda

[ a bit less nihilistic this time around ]

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agenda

the

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CROCS: The Crocodiles play Johnny Brenda’s on Friday.

MARCO RAPISARDA

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/listings.

IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED:

—Mark Cofta

THURSDAY

7.12 [ theater ]

✚ OUR TOWN

—Mark Cofta Through July 28, $10-$15, Rockwood Park, 610 Shipley Rd., Wilmington, Del., 302-415-3373, delshakes.org.

[ theater ]

✚ A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM Delaware Shakespeare Festival celebrates its 10th season of the Bard under the stars with A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the first under new artistic director David Stradley. A cast of the Philadelphia area’s up-and-coming professional actors (such as Adam Altman

FRIDAY

7.13 [ rock/pop ]

✚ CROCODILES “Bubblegum Trash,” as giddy,

coarse and insipid as its name suggests, is a standout on Crocodiles’ third album, Endless Flowers (Frenchkiss) — their first since expanding from a duo to a fivesome — and also a fitting shorthand for the long, proud tradition of scuzzy, decadent, noise-damaged indie pop that the San Diegan outfit so indelicately borrows from and/or contributes to. (See also: “Electric Death Song” and especially “My Surfing Lucifer.”) Per the album’s title, things are a bit less nihilistic this time around (and there’s nothing quite as arresting as the narcotic techno-drone of “All My Hate and My Hexes Are for You”), but the band has been diversifying their palette a bit, mostly in the direction of organ-crunching paisley-fied pop and even, with “You Are Forgiven” (sadly not a Who cover), a bit of folksy jangle.

—K. Ross Hoffman Fri., July 13, 9:30 p.m., $12, with Nothing, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684, johnnybrendas.com.

[ film/comedy/murals ]

✚ WELCOME TO THE ERASERHOOD Developers, particularly Bart “I made Northern Liberties shiny” Blatstein, have been trying very hard lately to buy up and rebrand the Spring Garden neighborhood/former industrial area where David Lynch lived and shot his surrealist classic Eraserhead. Lynch, who lived at 13th and Wood streets as a PAFA student in the mid’60s, has described the area as “a very sick, twisted, violent, fear-ridden, decadent, decaying place.” Until pretty recently, it’s remained a bit of a wasteland, with desperate Craigslist landlords attempting to pass it off as the Loft District, Fairmount, Art Museum, West Poplar and North Chinatown.

(They avoided the catchiest name, the Eraserhood, for obvious reasons.) It looks like the new developers’ preference for calling the area “Callowhill” may catch on, if only because it

doesn’t evoke images of squalling mutant babies. But PhilaMOCA, a few blocks away from Lynch’s former digs, is reacting to the seeming inevitability of neighborhood rebranding with a new Eraserhood mural, Jack Nance’s hair poking proudly over the top of the building. The party for its unveiling involves more art, live music from Void Vision and Full Blown Cherry and curiosity-piquing sets of Lynch-themed sketch comedy and burlesque.

—Emily Guendelsberger Fri., July 13, 8:30 p.m., $10, PhilaMOCA, 531 N. 12th St., 267-5199651, philamoca.org.

[ film ]

✚ PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE The superstitious will want to steer clear, but for those who don’t mind taking shortcuts under ladders or making way for black cats, Secret Cinema is offering Ed Wood’s immortal Plan Nine From Outer Space

29

Commonwealth Classic Theatre Company takes outdoor free summer theater to a unique level in two ways: by performing in parks throughout the area, and by producing something other than Shakespeare. Thornton Wilder’s 1938 Pulitzer-winner

Through July 28, free, various locations, 610-202-7878, commonwealthclassictheatre.org.

of Iron Age Theatre and Tiny Dynamite, Caroline Crocker of the Philadelphia Shakespeare Theatre and Inis Nua’s Sarah Van Auken) performs with historic Rockwood Park as their backdrop. There’s no more appropriate play for a July evening than Shakespeare’s spry romantic comedy complicated by mischievous forest fairies, illustrating the timeless observation that “the course of true love never did run smooth.”

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Submit information by email (listings@citypaper.net) to Caroline Russock or enter them yourself at citypaper.net/submit-event with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

Our Town is ideal for traveling outdoor shows, since the play openly invites the audience to imagine its settings and its final act occurs under the stars. Our Town plays in several Philadelphia locations, including LOVE Park on Sunday, July 15; the Morris Arboretum on Thursday, July 19; International House on Sunday, July 22; and East Falls’ McMichael Park on Wednesday, July 25.

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Kenzo Deluxe (Northern Spy).

As Frank’s jittery camera pans across Mick, Keith and the boys, Forsyth kaleidoscopically represents their swagger, youthful excess and leering appropriation of the blues with echoing slapback licks that pout and strut airily like an unmoored Jagger wandering in the wilderness. Lately based in Philly, the ex-Peeesseye guitarist regularly collaborates with a wide array of free-thinking experimentalists, honing a concept that reframes the American primitives of John Fahey’s Takoma school amid the rubble of modern rock.

—Shaun Brady Sat., July 14, 8 p.m., with Spacin’ and Mary Lattimore & Jeff Zeigler, AUX, 319 N. 11th St., 215-238-1236, voxpopuligallery.org/aux.

SUNDAY

7.15 [ jazz ]

✚ SURFACE TO AIR

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When jazz crossbreeds with

[ the agenda ]

the music of other cultures, the resulting hybrid tends to go heavy on rhythmic intricacies. The acoustically oriented trio Surface to Air veers off in a separate direction, however, letting percussionist Rohin Khemani caress gentle textures and airy rhythms from his tabla while guitarist Jonathan Goldberger and bassist Jonti Siman gaze intently inward. The band’s self-titled debut leads with two unexpected covers: the main theme from Carter Burwell’s brooding score for the Coen Brothers’ neo-noir debut, Blood Simple, and Sigur Rós’ “Heysátan,” which sounds in constant danger of simply dissolving into air. The stage thus set, the album continues with a half-dozen originals that follow the same pathway toward hushed intensity and delicate lyricism, with only the slightest world-jazz accents.

—Shaun Brady Sun., July 15, 8 p.m., $7, with Rake and Nick Millevoi, Café Clave, 4305 Locust St., riprig.com.

sexytime Meg Augustin gets our rocks off

food | classifieds

Q:Besides the obvious, what are the most common erogenous zones for a man?

A:That’s like asking what the most common skin tone in the world is — “Um, brown, but with varying degrees of brown?” It might seem like a cop-out to say everyone’s different, but it’s true.

Believe it or not, that really is the most exciting answer, because now the world — or at least his body — is your oyster.

At least, what he’ll let you play with. The hardest part about pleasuring a man is generally his own comfort with pleasure. Sure, you’re saying, “But men have no problem asking for it!” However, many men (particularly straight men) don’t allow themselves to take pleasure outside of the ol’ ball and chain. In American no-homo culture, a surprising number of men have learned that it’s not manly to feel or be touched — unless it’s on the penis with the intent to cum.

So getting a man comfortable with venturing into things like anal play (the prostate being an undeniable erogenous zone) might need to begin with breaking down his barriers with simple things like light ear nibbling or nipple caressing. Your biggest move in this chess game is making him feel comfortable with you; make him realize his masculinity isn’t being threatened.

Comfort levels set, start teasing his biggest sexual organ — his brain — and the power of suggestion may take it from there.

For men who are a little more comfortable with touch and their body, just ask! It’s his body, and it’s likely he already knows what feels good where.

Just have fun with the exploration, and remember if in the end you just go back to playing with old faithful — the penis and balls — at least you had a fun journey together.

Have a question you’d like to ask our sexpert? Email her (anonymously!) at megan.augustin@citypaper.net.

the agenda

³ HE-SPOTS

the naked city | feature | a&e

[ the agenda ]

Meg Augustin is a freelance journalist with a master’s in human sexuality education.

MONDAY

[ rock/pop ]

✚ BEST COAST

D AV I D B L A C K S M A L L E R

Guess what, you guys? Bethany Cosentino really likes California. You can see it in her band name. You can read it in inter-

Mon., July 16, 8:30 p.m., $18-$20, with Those Darlins, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., 877-435-9849, utphilly.com.

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33

views, when people ask about her band name. And, thanks to the sunny title track of Best Coast’s most recent album, the polished and pretty The

—Patrick Rapa

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7.16

Only Place, you can finally sing along with her civic pride. “Why would you live anywhere else?” she wonders with faux naiveté.

“We’ve got the ocean, got the babes, got the sun. We’ve got the Wavves” (as in their San Diego band BFFs). Lucky for her, and for us, the song is some damn catchy guitar-pop — a dash of Rilo Kiley, a spoonful of New Pornographers — upbeat, neat and sweet like Splenda.

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THURSDAY 7.12 MO $$ NO PROBLEMS

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----------------------------------------FRIDAY 7.13 PEX VS PLAYLOOP LEE MAYJAHS? DJ EVERYDAY

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THURSDAY 7/12 Big Leg Emma 10pm FREE SHOW FRIDAY 7/13 Deathwaltz presents Mallet Brothers Band 10pm $5 Cover

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LATE NIGHT HAPPY HOUR Monday-Thursday 11pm-12am $3 beer, $4 house wine, $5 well drinks

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HAPPY HOUR Monday-Friday 5pm-7pm 50% OFF ALL DRINKS & $5 Appetizer Specials

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SUNDAY 7/15 The 9â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s- FUNK- 8pm FREE SHOW MONDAY 7/16 Open Jam hosted by Tony Catastrophe & Jason Fraticelliall musicians welcome to play9:30pm FREE SHOW TUESDAY 7/17 Mike Lorenz Jazz Trio 7pm FREE SHOW WEDNESDAY 7/18 Elliott Levin Jazz Trio 6pm Singer/Songwriter Night w/David Trotta 9:30pm FREE SHOW 215.625.0855.

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f&d

foodanddrink

portioncontrol

By Caroline Russock

’wich way ➤ tom Lax has been deep in the Philly music

scene for the past 24 years. His label Siltbreeze has signed a laundry list of bands: Sebadoh, the Strapping Fieldhands, Bardo Pond and Dead C, just to rattle off a few. And this music focus actually helped land him in the current issue of David Chang and Peter Meehan’s quarterly food journal, Lucky Peach.

There’s been a long-standing level of mutual appreciation between Lax and Meehan, a former New York Times columnist. Lax had read Meehan’s columns and the Momofuku cookbook he co-wrote with Chang; Meehan kept tabs on Lax’s music blog and picked up plenty of vinyl from him over the years. It was the kind of back and forth that made Lax’s pitch to Meehan get noticed.

The fourth issue of Lucky Peach is devoted to American food, a blanket genre that covers everything from Tex-Mex tacos to strip-mall sushi and a whole host of uniquely U.S. edible anomalies — including an ode to the obscure Philly sandwich known as the Schmitter, penned by Lax. When arguing Philadelphia sandwich hierarchy, the two major players are the cheesesteak and the roast pork. But all the way out at the end of Germantown Avenue, in a bar called McNally’s (8634 Germantown Ave.), there’s another contender: the Schmitter, a serendipitous sandwich named for a patron with a penchant for swilling Schmidt’s beer.

It’s a kitchen sink of a sandwich that starts off with a kaiser roll topped with flat-top sizzled steak and salami, American cheese, fried onions, tomato and a not-so-secret sauce of Russian dressing spiked with Worchestershire.

Lax moved to Philly from Ohio in the mid-’80s and has manned the kitchens of restaurants all over town, so he has had more than enough time to explore the city’s meaty sandwich culture.

As a devotee of the Schmitter, Lax argues that the gooey, griddled sandwich, combined with the warm ambience of McNally’s and perfectly poured pints of Guinness, kicks the cheesesteak to the curb. But he’s quick to note that Cosmi’s (1501 S. Eighth St.) is the city’s best-kept cheesesteak secret and doesn’t discount the steaks at Roxborough’s Dalessandro’s (600 Wendover St.) To experience the Schmitter for yourself, there are two options. The first is a jaunt out to McNally’s, an easy walk from the Chestnut Hill West train station.

The second is to cop one next time you’re taking in the Phils at Citizens Bank Park, where the atmosphere might not be quite as inviting but the sandwich is still pretty damned tasty. (caroline@citypaper.net)

PIER REVIEW: Recently opened Morgan’s Pier has new menu items and upcoming chef nights featuring major players. neal SantoS

what’scooking

By Caroline Russock

➤ the week in eats dJ dinners, guest chefs and more at Morgan’s Pier various

times ➤ Fast becoming a favorite summer destination, Morgan’s Pier is rolling out new menu items to complement its rotation of DJ nights. Monday nights heat up with jerk chicken, sweet plantains and Jamaican Soul courtesy of Bloodface Man and Browner. Peel-and-eat shrimp and corn on the cob are on special for chilled-out Tuesdays with Dirty South Joe and soulful racks of ribs on Wednesday for Rocktits!

The restaurant/music venue also now has early-morning and late-night needs covered with a new sandwichcentric brunch menu (hello, crispy pulled-pork patty sandwich and maple Monte Cristo) and More on: an after-hours selection of American tacos and fries, all under $5 and available until 1 a.m.

And beginning July 24, Morgan’s Pier will kick off a series of monthly chef nights where big-name Philly culinarians will be stopping by on Tuesdays and taking over the kitchen to create a special. First up is Terrence Feury of Fork fame, followed by Kevin Sbraga on Aug. 21 and closing out the season is Michael Solomonov on Sept. 10. Morgan’s Pier, 221 N. Columbus Blvd., 215-279-7134, morganspier.com.

citypaper.net

Meat and Greet Side Project Jerky Tue., July 17, 6:30-8:30

p.m., pay as you go ➤ Head over to Pub and Kitchen on Tuesday for a chance to sample Philadelphia’s very own jerky for gentlemen. Side Project Jerky is the meaty masterpiece of Marcos Espinoza (aka Fidel Gastro) and Daniel Olsovsky. During the Meat and Greet, samples of Mongolian (think the best Chinese takeout), Southwestern (toasty cumin meets roast-y green chiles) and original (a subtle ode to the cheesesteak with just a hint of Whiz) jerkies will be on hand along with plenty of happy-hour beer from Six Point to combat the inevitable dried-beef-induced thirst. Espinoza and Olsovsky will be on hand to answer all of your jerky-related queries. Pub and Kitchen, 1946 Lombard St., 215-545-0350, thepubandkitchen.com, sideprojectjerky.com. top Chefs Collide at Sbraga Fri., July 13, 5-9 p.m., $100 ➤ Top

Chef season 7 cheftestants reunite on Friday when Kevin Sbraga hosts a cookbook dinner for Angelo Sosa’s newly released Flavor Exposed. Sosa designed the five-course more food and menu to showcase the flavor map outlined drink coverage in his book: utilizing different combinaat c i t y p a p e r . n e t / tions of sweet, salty, smokey, bitter, sour, m e a lt i c k e t. umami, spicy, earthy and nutty, he finds balance and comfort in all manner of pan-Asian flavors. look for cured-watermelon crudo with thyme, green-papaya salad with candied tamarind vinaigrette, scallop-banana tartare with jalapeño vinaigrette, grilled duck breast with honey-pepper glaze, and curried pots de créme. Each guest receives a copy of Flavor Exposed. Sbraga, 440 S. Broad St., 215-735-1913, sbraga.com.

Summertime at Meritage Tue.-Thu., 5-10 p.m., Fri-Sat., 5-11 >>> continued on adjacent page

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda

[ food & drink ]

Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cooking

Bastille day Bites various times and locations â&#x17E;¤

Beers and Brats at 30th Street Thurs. July 12, 4-8

p.m., Fri. July 13, 12-8 p.m., Sat. July 14, 12-5 p.m., pay as you go â&#x17E;¤ The scenic Porch adjacent to 30th Street Station will be home to a pop-up beer garden this weekend thanks to the good folks at Bridgewaterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. German brews will be flowing, brats and Italian sausages grilling, and just to lock in the fun factor, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s free minigolf. live jazz will accompany your sips and putts all afternoon long. universitycity.org. (caroline@citypaper.net)

Free Iced Coffee or Iced Tea with any purchase of our PB&Jâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s: Funky Monkey, Apple Crunch & Rittenhouse.

215.789.6136 Corner of 17th and Locust

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P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | J u l y 1 2 - J u l y 1 8 , 2 0 1 2 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t | 37

Francophiles will find no shortage of Bastille Day celebrations this weekend. Peter Woolsey of Bistrot la Minette is hosting his annual Bastille Day Feast, a multi-course affair with a groaning salad buffet, roasted leg of lamb and beaucoup des bonnes desserts. london Grill, right next to the big Eastern State Penitentiary festivities, has French trivia, proximity to the comic re-enactment of the storming of the Bastille with quasihistorically accurate figures like Ben Franklin, Joan of Arc and a life-sized baguette â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and, of course, plenty of escargot. The tres francais Parc just so happens to be celebrating its fourth birthday this Sunday, too: Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll celebrate in style with a jazz brunch and prix-fixe dinner on the 14th and special cocktails and rosĂŠ all day long. Bistrot la Minette, 623 S. Sixth St., 215-925-8000, bistrotlaminette.com; London Grill, 2301 Fairmount Ave., 215-978-4545, londongrill.com; Parc, 227 S. 18th St., 215-545-2262, parc-restaurant.com.

classifieds

p.m., $39 â&#x17E;¤ Meritage has pulled out all the stops for a new summer tasting menu, with fruits and vegetables from local farms and a few from chef Anne Collâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own garden plot. Combining luxe ingredients like foie gras, scallops and duck with the summerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s freshest offerings, Coll is working sweet corn into every course. Foie is served alongside a corn pancake and peach chutney, scallops are set out with crab-and-squash custard, duck paired with corn and smoked-cheddar pudding and cherries, and a peach and blueberry cobbler is topped with delicate corn ice cream. Wine pairings are available. Meritage, 500 S. 20th St., 215-985-1922, meritagephiladelphia.com.

gracetavern.com

food

DAnIEl OSlOvSky

<<< continued from adjacent page

FROM THE

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food

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rgaicr

Eat or drink anything good this weekend?

The guy who wrote this ad had one of the best steaks he’s had in recent memory at Odd Fellows the other night… And he did it comfortably on the salary of a guy who writes ads.

MIMOSAS

Vchhca

LESS ONLY $15 @ BRUNCH @

smiths restaurant bar

We want to hear about it!

484-897-0633 12th & Spruce Breakfast – Lunch – Dinner Sun-Wed 7am-10pm, Thurs-Sat 7am-11pm

citypaper.net/notes

Sunday 11:30-3pm on 19th Between Chestnut and Market

267.546.2669 www.smiths-restaurant.com

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Y O U R P R E M I E R M A G A Z I N E F E AT U R I N G E V E R Y T H I N G P H I L LY !

CITY GUIDE highlights Philly’s unique neighborhoods showcasing restaurants, galleries, bars, clubs, boutiques, retail shops, markets, music venues and more!

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2011-2012

ConstruCtion Workers in south Jersey

line out of people out the door trying to get that one thing that makes walking into the office a tad bit easier, you should probably reevaluate your decisions. Oh, and don’t let them run around. If there’s no ball pit in the vicinity, it’s probably because they don’t want children to play there. You’ll be able to easily determine which places will have ball pits, usually seconds upon walking in the door. If you have walked in the door and are still not sure whether they have a ball pit, it’s safe to assume that no, they don’t have a ball pit. So if you can keep that in mind so that I don’t have to apologize to YOU for your child slamming into me while I’m trying to put

because of the store leadership... each one of you is so fucking fake. Whatever, the fact that not one of you said goodbye to me proves that working for whole farts isn’t for me. I need to work in a place where I look up to the leadership. Not a place where I’m sure that the store leadership is a bunch of cocks! So goodbye and farewell you French fuck and fat cunt... Mike, you’re just a tard... FUCK YOU, prove me wrong.

iGnorant trolley riders Hey you stupid fuck on the trolley. How dare you, when you see the trolley full of people standing, not

me to realize this, without any more doubt. The choices I’ve made as far as the company I’ve kept have been less than healthy. The point, readers, is that it does not matter what company I keep. I do not belong. This is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong, fact nor fiction, relieving nor burdensome.

This simply is. So the question is.....how to eradicate the poison? Lobotomy.

little PiG, No, Little Pig. You will not disobey me, Little Pig. You will do as you are told, or it is you that I will scold, Little Pig.

classifieds

I get it, you have a job to do at 6 in the morning.

Well, so do I. And before I have to go to that job, I’d like to get some peaceful sleep. First, I’d like, for once, not to be woken up to the cackling of construction workers and the sound of a nail gun assaulting my ears. Secondly: Even though you are building new houses, there are still residents on that street.

Your myriad of Dumpsters has taken up every available parking spot. I feel like I am back living in a row home in South Philly where there was never any parking. I moved to Jersey for the open parking space, not to be squeezing my car between Dumpsters on my block. With the Dumpsters, your work vans, machinery and lumber/supplies, you have left NOWHERE for the residents on the block to park their cars. Thirdly: In the morning, people have to leave their house and go to work, just as you are doing. So when you have 3 trucks blocking the only entrance and exit to the street, keep your dirty looks to yourself when I ask you to move. What do you expect me to do, drive over the pavement and the grass to get out of my own street? Fucking get in the truck and move it without any attitude and don’t act like you have all the time in the world to do it. I waited patiently all last week while you loaded and unloaded lumber. I am done being nice, and done waiting for you to finish the job you have to do, because I have a job to do myself. It’s not my fault that you thought it would be a brilliant idea to park in the middle of the block and trap the rest of the residents in. Maybe if you didn’t have 6 dumpsters, you would have somewhere besides the middle of the street to park your trucks and equipment. And finally, you can stop your whistling at me to get my attention. Between the noise, the Dumpsters, and the blocking off the street, you are more likely to get the whistling response of my Smith & Wesson than my attention. So finish your work, and get the fuck out of my neighborhood.

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

[ i love you, i hate you ]

Pants on Fire If you were worried about me not liking you before GOOD JOB you have made it more than possible for me not to like you now. In all our conversations and years of knowing one another I’m sure I told you how I felt about liars... right. Riiiight. I can’t believe you had the audacity to lie to me about something so simple. Now this makes me look at everything that’s already occurred and say yup, you were probably lying about that as well. Damn, I wanted to believe this was it... that you were it, so here I am humbling myself, aka putting up with your shit, and this is the thanks I get. Guess this shows who’s appreciative. Well, my dear, what is a relationship without trust, respect, or loyalty? Sounds like it’s over to me. Because you don’t know that I know what I know I’m gonna give you some rope bro... eh, ok more like a leash. Now you can take it and hang yourself OR you can go by my rules and play it my way. I’m really beginning to feel like an evil wench.

OH P.S. Karma is a bitch. She bad tho’.

WelCome ameriCa

Who are you?

OK, so having been a child myself; let me clue you in on something. The ONLY thing your spoiled little brats are going to remember about their trip to historic Philadelphia will be: the gift shops, the hotel room that had scrambled porn they watched after you nodded off, and how they didn’t see a single toy store in the whole city. That’s it. Oh, and they may take away the knowledge that their parents have NO idea how to parallel park, and when threatened with city traffic, become frantic and neurotic morons. That’s it. They don’t care.

There is no way whatsoever that they will consume anything from the Constitution Center, the Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross House, or anywhere else you take them with the goal of enrichment. So please, please, stop bringing them into my coffee shop in the morning for a full family sit down breakfast. I get that you don’t know what to do with yourself because there isn’t a Friendly’s or Denny’s handy, but when you’re ordering 6 different egg & cheese bagel and yogurt / hot chocolate combinations while there is a

I don’t know who you are anymore! And I don’t know why you say the things you do! Do you get off on hurting me or do you just not think before you speak? Do you not like me anymore? Or do you think you r so much smarter than me that I won’t recognize when you are putting me down? Because for some reason I’m still trying here - don’t ask me why. I think I should drop you but I’m trying to be an adult and remain cordial. So please the next time you are about to open your mouth to put me down so that you can feel better about yourself just stop and think, really think, “How would I feel if someone said this to me?” And then don’t say a damn thing to me cuz if you do I promise you I will put you down so hard and so fast that you’ll never get up again!

sugar in my coffee and getting it all over both he and I, that would be great, because again, you really have no reason to be here. So put them in a mini van and head to six flags for fucks sake. Give them the iPad or Sony whatever PS3 game station fits in their knobby little fingers and go somewhere that they’ll actually enjoy, and where the locals won’t scorn you for visiting. Cheers, The guy who had to go home and change his shirt because you thought a 7-year-old would be interested in history.

GroCery diCk heads You would think that after years of working for cocks, that the store leaders would have the heart to come up, say goodbye, and wish me good luck.

Yes, I put in my two weeks... I left. Get over it! I left

move your bag so somebody else can sit. You fucking selfish piece of shit. If murder were legal, you’d be first on my list. I hate you, as does every one else on the trolley, but we’re all just too polite to make a scene. Please, do the world a favor, and die today.

is it me? it’s me.

Why must I always destroy any beautiful blessing that is bestowed upon me? More than anything, being alone is what gnaws at my soul. Am I poison?

The answer is undoubtedly “yes.” Hurt is what I do, constantly. Myself and others. To blame others is merely a childish attempt to relieve some of my self-hatred. This isn’t self-deprecatory, this is truth.

There are no feelings I truly possess on the subject.

Sitting in that jail cell this past week has allowed

To place your FREE ad (100-word limit), go to citypaper.net and click on the LOVE/HATE tab near the top of the page. ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

39

GettinG old City

Fat BitCh!

P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r | J U L Y 1 2 - J U L Y 1 8 , 2 0 1 2 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t |

You fat bitch on the trolley. Your double wide ass takes up two seats - one of which I paid to sit in. If your ass is too fat to stay in one seat you should stand or walk - since you obviously need the exercise. I hate every ounce of fat on you, and since you appear to be completely made of fat, then I hate all of you. FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome America sucks ass. The crowds are full of unruly people who do not know how to behave. The fireworks start way too late for people with families.

The food choices are stupid and limited. The helicopters that hover directly over the Parkway during the fireworks are an incredibly unwelcome distraction and completely ruin the display for people who actually make an effort to attend personally. Dear City of Philadelphia, this event sucks. Please fire your event planners and start from scratch. This is our major annual public event and it sucks ass.

Please, make it better.

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

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J U L Y 1 2 - J U L Y 1 8 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

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By Matt Jones

35

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By Emily Flake

✚ ACROSS 1 Old theater name 7 Actor Oka of Heroes 11 ___ Rida (“Low” performer with T-Pain) 14 Like some art exhibits 15 “By the look ___ ... ” 16 Ticket seating stat 17 Write down “Vast Asian country with a population of over a billion”?

19 ___ Productions (Skyfall company) 20 Notable time periods 21 Dinghy mover 22 James Cameron hit 24 Fifth qtrs.

25 Direct deposit abbr.

26 “Ten Summoner’s Tales” singer 27 Crazy situation in The King’s Speech?

31 ___ corpus 34 Tiny battery size 35 Arms requirement 36 On guard 37 It ain’t nothing 38 Chris of the American Pie series 39 ___-Flush (former bathroom cleaner brand) 40 Poli ___ (college field of study) 41 They produce mushroom clouds 42 Steal a parachute pants-wearing rapper’s plane?

45 Kate’s sitcom partner, in the 1980s 46 Guy’s counterpart 47 “___ du lieber!”

50 52 53 54 55 58 59 60 61

Malfunctions, like a printer Endodontist’s degree: abbr.

Razor line introduced by Gillette Inventor Whitney Leader of the course “Denial 101”?

Actor Cheadle Heidi of Project Runway Ultimate Favorite word of nitpicky grammarians 62 Himalayan giant 63 Slender

✚ DOWN 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 18 23 25 26 27 28

Drive around southern California?

Like xenon, as gases go Some Italian cars, for short Piano teacher on Family Guy Neutral shade Chant from the cult horror classic Freaks SNL alum Jay Org. with a “100 Years ...” series “Witchcraft” singer Type of type Apps for nothing On Golden Pond bird Takes control of E! News co-host Sadler Asthmatic’s item Coup d’___ 59-across’s ex TV dramas, generally Sofia Coppola’s aunt ___ Shire

✚ ©2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

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Leave out Mitt Romney’s entourage quintet Chop into fine pieces Half a ball game?

Hundreds of rap videos?

Pang “Hooked on Classics” record label It’s held going downhill Best Picture winner of the 1980s Really inelegant Oracular Spectacular band Playwright Fugard Aim rival The Outcasts of Poker Flat writer Bret One who obeys The Force Oodles Moore of G.I. Jane Wile E. Coyote’s supplier Accommodate, with “up” Off-roader

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Help Wanted – General

PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION?

HELP WANTED DRIVER

Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families nationwide.

LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions 866-413-6293

Public Notices AIRLINE CAREERS

Automotive Marketplace CASH FOR CARS

ANY CAR/Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid.We Come to You! Call for Instant Offer. 1888-420-3808 www.cash4car. com

Business Services HEALTHCARE JOB FAIR

Onward Healthcare, a local staffing agency for therapy/rehab and nursing professionals, will be hosting a meet & greet for healthcare professionals to learn about the jobs available in Philadelphia and Southern New Jersey. RN’s, LPNs, CNAs, and Allied Health / Rehab Professionals welcome! Wednesday, July 18th 4:00PM - 7:00PM TGI Friday’s 4000 City Avenue Philadelphia, PA 19131

Entertainers NEW FICTION

Read Michael Tidemann’s short story, “The Elk”, in the free online literary magazine: http://thewriteplaceatthewritetime.org/fiction.html

HELP WANTED!!!

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Situations Wanted JOB WANTED LOOK!!!

I am looking for work...I am a General Helper that can do anything. You name it.... reliable dependable morning person. Frank 267-9180516.

PennSCAN ADOPTION

A childless, financially secure couple (37&42) seeks to adopt. 18 yrs, together. WIll be hand-on parents. Flexible schedules. Expenses paid.

Call Rich & Tim 1-800-4944533.

“Can you dig it?” Heavy equipment School. 3 wk Training program. Backhoes, Bulldozers, Excavators. Local Job Placement Asst. VA Benefits Approved. 2 National Certifications. 866-362-6497.

HELP WANTED

PROFESSIONAL CLASS A DRIVERS: OTR tractor trailer, good pay, great home time, health insurance, 401(K), paid vacation, bonus package, and top equipment all in a small company atmosphere, backed up with large company benefits/ Call Victoria 877-8339307 or visit www.pamdrivers. com HELP WANTED DRIVER

Dr ivers - CDL-A TRUCK DRIVERS NEEDED! * MILES *EQUIPMENT *BENEIFTS Hazmat Teams start at $.50/mile. Solo Drivers also needed! 800-942-2104 Ext. 7308 or 7307 www.drive4total. com HELP WANTED DRIVER

Drivers- A. Duie Pyle needs Owner Operators & Company Drivers. Regional Truckload Operations. HOME EVERY WEEKEND! O?O Average $1.84/miles. Steady, YearRound Wor k. Requires CDL-A, 2 YRS. Exp. Call Dan: 877-910-7711 www.DriveForPyle.com

Drivers: CRST offers the best lease purchase program * SIGN ON BONUS *No Down payment or Credit Check *Great Pay* Class A CDL required *Owner Operators welcome Call: 866403-7044 HELP WANTED DRIVER

Drivers: New Freight Lanes in your area. Annual Salary $45K to $60K. Flexible hometime. Modern Fleet of trucks.

CDL_A, 3-Months current OTR experience. 800-4149569 www.driveknight.com HELP WANTED DRIVERS

ATTENTION CDL-A Drivers!

Averitt is Hiring in your area.

Great Benefits & Hometime.

4-months T/T Experience Required. Apply Now! 888362-8608 Visit AVERITTcareers.com Equal Oppoortunity Employer LAND FOR SALE

Cameron County, PA - 7.7 acres with stream frontage, state forest frontage, electricity, public road frontage.

Near Sizerville State Park. $59,900. Owner Financing.

800-668-8679.

MISC/PERSONALS

Meet SIngles right now! No paid operators, just real people like you. Browse greetings, exchange messages and connect live. Try it for free. Call 1-800-914-8742

Apartments for Rent FITLER SQUARE AREA

Bright big 1 BR apt, recently renovated, pet friendly, w/d on premises, basement storage; heat + gas incl. $ 1200/mth. immediate availability Call 215-790-0403 (evenings) ?? GOT BED BUGS ??

All areas - Best rates! 267994-4815

SOUTH PHILLY TOWNHOUSE

Regional up to 42 CPM. Weekly pay, Benefits, Home Time, Sign ON BONUS, Paid Orientation. 2 Years T/T EXP, 800-524-5051 www.gomvilvaine.com

EXPERIENCED SALES PERSON

EARN COLLEGE DEGREE ONLINE

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily.

Holiday Real Estate. 1-800638-2102 Online reservations: www.holidayoc.com.

Roommates ALL AREAS-ROOMATES. COM

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps.

Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http:// www.Roommates.com.

APARTMENT WANTED FOR MYSELF!

All new, gorgeous 3 bdrm 1 bath. HW floors, all new carpeting,granite kitchen and bath.$495/month, $2,500 required. Call 215-292-2176

I am currently looking in Center City a one or two bedroom 1st floor front or Rent vacant unit rented. 2 months down. Older male. Ask for Frank 267-918-0516.

NY Land & Cabin Bargain Sale: Classic Adirondack Camp 5 acres - $29,995. Cozy Cabin-Base Camp 5 acres $19,995. Near 1000’s of acres of Stateland, lakes, & rivers.

Access to snowmobile & ATV trails. Our best deal ever! Call 800-229-7843. See pics at www.landandcamps.com

GENTLY MOVING YOUR EARTHLY POSSESSIONS

215.670.9535

WWW.MAMBOMOVERS.COM

@2?C602@

Torchia & Associates

CONCIERGE LEGAL SERVICES GENERAL PRACTICE – ESTATE & TAX PLANNING

1420 Walnut Street, Suite 1216 215-546-1950; watorchia@gmail.com www.generallawfirm.com

ADOP

SHOW US YOUR

ME

Take part in the SPARKLE SINGING CHALLENGE for your chance to win a trip to New York City and an appearance on BET’s 106 and Park!

SATURDAY, JULY 14TH - 1PM

T

Cheltenham Mall,

2385 W. Cheltenham Ave., Philadelphia! + AMATEUR SINGERS 13-40 INVITED TO SING A :60 ACAPPELLA VERSION OF “CELEBRATE” OR “SOMETHING HE CAN FEEL” Check out the songs on www.Myspace.Com/sparkle.

+ Philadelphia winner will receive $500 in cash, a $25 gift card, passes to a special SPARKLE preview, and a chance to compete for the grand prize! + All attendees will be eligible to win SPARKLE preview passes, shirts & other SPARKLE goodies!

To pre-register and reserve your audition spot ahead of time, email us at sparklesingingchallengephilly@gmail.com

IN THEATRES AUGUST 17

JAY!

Why, hello there! I’m Jay, a 3-4 year old polite gentleman who was surrendered to the shelter because my owners were allergic. I’m a laid-back, lowmaintenance, drama-free kind of guy. In fact, I’m so quiet that I keep getting overlooked and have been waiting since February! All I want is a calm, peaceful home where I won’t be bothered by kids or dogs. Meet me at PAWS’ Adoption Center at 2nd and Arch Streets!

Located on the corner of 2nd and Arch.

All PAWS animals are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, and microchipped before adoption. For more information, call 215-238-9901 ext. 30 or email adoptions@phillypaws.org

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U L Y 1 2 - J U L Y 1 8 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | 45

Medical, Business, Criminal

VACATION RENTALS

LAND FOR SALE

DRIVERS

Help Wanted – Regional

Resort/ Vacation Property for Sale

Rental Wanted

Homes for Sale

CLASS-A DRIVERS

CDL_A EXPERIENCED DRIVERS: 6 Months OTR experience starts at $.32/mile.

Up to $5,000 Sign-On-Bonus!

New Student pay and lease program! 877-521-5775 www.

USATruck.jobs

needed to sell TV commercial

HELP WANTED

HELP WANTED DRIVER

classifieds

begin here-Become an Aviation Maintenance Tech. FAA approved training. Financial aid if qualified-Housing available. Job placement assistance.

CALL Aviation Institute of Maintenance 888-834-9715.

Exp. Reefer Drivers: GREAT PAY/Freight lanes from Presque Isle, ME, Boston-Lehigh, PA. 800-277-0212 or primeinc.com

Justice, Job Placement assistance. Computer available.

Financial Aid if qualified.

SCHEV Certified. Call 888220-3984. www.Centuraonline.com

PHOTO BY NEAL SANTOS

HOT CHAT

slots for NBC nonstop show.

Great commission. Call 888632-7779

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

AANCAN

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

merchandise market BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826 CABINETS SOLID MAPLE Brand new soft close/dovetail. Fits 10’x10’ kitchen. More cabinets if needed.

Cost $6,400. Sell $1,595. 610-952-0033

NEW MATTRESS Sets $135, Twin, Full Queen (in plastic) delivery (215)307-1950

2012 Hot Tub/Spa. Brand New! 6 person w/lounger, Cover. Factory warranty.

Never installed! Beautiful. Cost $6,000.

Ask $2,500. Will deliver. 610-952-0033

BED: New Queen Pillow Top Set $150 . twin, full, king avail. Del avl 215-355-3878 Bedroom Set 5 pc. brand new $399 All sizes, Del. Avail. 215-355-3878

EAGLES 2 Season Tickets Section 121, Row 4, (42 yard line) Best Offer. moriarty1@ymail.com. 941-751-0478

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $

* * * 215-200-0902 * * *

everything pets

J U L Y 1 2 - J U L Y 1 8 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

46 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

Main Coon Kittens vet checked, 1st shots, papers. $550/ea. Call 610-574-6874

Bernedoodle puppies. non-shedding, family raised. 3F, 1M. Black-/white curly hair, 1st shots. Ready 7-14 York, PA Call 717-891-5719

Cane Corso Pups, ICR reg, vet check, fem’s blue/fawn $700/obo.215-360-4727 Cavalier Puppies - (215) 538-2179 www.willowspringcavaliers.com Cocker Spaniel pups, M/F, shots/ vet checked, $350. 267-242-3408 COLLIES: AKC, excellent quality, normal eyes, 3 colors, (856)825-4856 DACHSHUNDS PUPPIES - Males, F e males, $350/ea. Call 267-506-4061 DACHSUNDS 2 months old males/ females, standard, black, paperwork/1st shots, $450/$500. 215-880-5551

English Bulldog pups, AKC, $1700, ready July 13th, Call 717-445-0606

English Bulldog Pups, AKC, champ, red & white, M $1800, F $2200. 717-442-9493

Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-689-8476

jobs

German Shepherd AKC Pups - European bloodlines, shots, wormed, both parents are OFA hip certified: excellent. Black & Tan, Sable. $800 F. $900 M 717-529-6213 G OLDEN RETRIEVER Puppies are family raised, shots, dewormed, vet checked. Parents on premises, sire is hip, heart and eye certified. Very cute ready July 7. 610-593-6912 GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPS, AKC 2M, Family Raised. shots/wormed, 9 weeks, $500/obo. 717-687-7606 Labrador Retriever Pups AKC OFA, CERF Top Quality CH lines & dispositions, Ylw F, or sassys-labs.com, $800 607-329-9798

Maltese Pups - 2M, 1F, AKC registered, ready now. Call 267-992-4252 Maltese/Yorkie Mix Puppies - Beautiful, vet shots, call for info, 610-497-3093 PEMBROKE WELSH CORGI PUPPIES Raised in home. Call 215-559-4377 Rottweiler - Nice big AKC puppies, European champ lines, 717-278-0932 Shichon~designer puppies "Teddybears" Vet-Checked, Guarantee! Delivery available www.shademountainkennel.com $400-$700 570-765-3653 West Highland Terrier Pups, health guarantee $600 M, $650 F. 717-201-4951

White German Shepherd / Lab Mix pups Shots, wormed, $250. Call 610-273-7893 Yorkie Poo Puppies ready now, $395. Call 717-442-9493 Yorkie Pups ACA, beautiful, S/W, $550/ea. Call (610) 286-9076 Yorkshire Terrier Puppies, AKC, ready now, $475-$600. 717-442-9493

apartment marketplace

Coins, Currency, Gold, Toys,

Trains, Hummels, Sports Cards. Call the Local Higher Buyer, 7 Dys/Wk

I Buy Anything Old...Except People! antiques-collectables, Al 215-698-0787 JUNK CARS WANTED Up to $300 for Junk Cars 215-888-8662 Lionel/Am Flyer/Trains/Hot Whls $$$$ Aurora TJet/AFX Toy Cars 215-396-1903

jobs Housekeeper needed, P/T, F/T 5 yrs exp, car, bkgd check, Overbrook,215-290-2100

Front Desk/Receptionist Sup. Center City

CC eye MD seeks Supervisor with excellent Cust. Svc. & organization Skills for busy front desk. Good wage & ben. Mail resume to: P.O. Box 15785 Phila., PA 19103

Senior Player Development Executives

in Atlantic City, New Jersey Tropicana Las Vegas is excited to announce its addition of a Marketing Branch Office in Atlantic City, New Jersey, led by Augie Renna, President of National Marketing.

We are currently seeking Sr. Player Development Executives to join the team.

pets/livestock Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

** Bob 610-532-9408 ***

Dr. Sonnheim, 856-981-3397

Pinball machines, shuffle bowling alleys arcade video games 215.783.0823

BD a Memory Foam Mattress/BoxsprIng Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399. 610-952-0033

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ REALLY PAID

CAREGIVER Looking for position watching infant or elderly person 3 days wk.

Call 484-326-4697.

CNA: Desires position, 5 yrs exp. with lic., 4 hours daily. $375/wk (215)726-1624

Qualifications include: µ 5 years player development experience µ Established and extensive client base µ Ability to deliver immediate results µ Ability to travel Apply online at w w w .troplv.c om .

All applications will be held in confidence.

Get better matches to your job opportunities with unprecedented efficiency.

To learn more or to find the right person for your job, visit your local partner at philly.com/monster

OWNER OPERATORS & COMPANY DRIVERS

Philadelphia & SW New Jersey

A Green Bay, WI based OTR refrigerated carrier is accepting applications.

Owner Operators pulling company trailers averaged $185,000 / year.

Company Drivers averaged $67,670 / year & 1/3 of our drivers averaged over $70,400.00 plus excellent benefits -Must have a valid Class "A" CDL. -Must have 1 yr verifiable OTR work history.

-Willing to stay out 10-14 days at a time.

AMERICA’s SERVICE LINE CALL FOR APPLICATION/INFORMATION 800-996-6440 EXT. 204 OR 275 µ QUALITY µ INTEGRITY µ PARTNERSHIP Equal Oppurtunity Employer

Industrial Maintenance Manager Burlington County, NJ

based recycling operations seek experienced candidate to manage facility and equipment maintenance operations. Optimal candidate will have 5 years mgmt/supervisory and direct industrial maintenance experience including conveyors, balers, hydraulics, electrical motors and control panel repair and maintenance.

Send resume along with salary requirements to OTC of Burlington County, 130 Hancock Lane, Mt. Holly, NJ 08060 Attn: Human Resources Dept. or email to rrjobs@otcbc.org EOE/M/W/D/V

25th & Grays Ferry Effic. $550+sec. semi furn., near transp. 267-242-9029

15th & Moore modern 1BR $875 1st flr, new paint/carpet, W/D, storage on premises, 1st, last & sec. (908)240-8651

15th & Moore Studio 1BR $420 1st flr, artist workspace with bath, lg. storage, 400 sq. ft. + 1st. & last. $50 elec. allowance incl. Call 908-240-8651 15th & Snyder Studio Apt Must see! Sec 8 OK. Call 215-885-1700 15xx 9th St. Near Italian Market 2br modern, heat incl, no pets, 856-858-4830 22ND & WHARTON 1BR $650 Newly renov., W/D. Call 267-882-7753 28th & Snyder 1 BR $625+utils 1st floor, washer/dryer, EIK 215-365-4567

CLIENT SERVICE REPRESENTATIVES-SALES Gloucester County

CAREER CHANGE Tired of selling products loaded with competition? Prefer to sell something every single business owner must have? We’ll train you how to successfully sell monthly bookkeeping and accounting services to small businesses. No accounting experience necessary.

Gloucester County area accounting firm will provide: • Excellent base salary, commission, and ongoing residuals; • Opportunity to earn $62K your first year and $85K second year; • One week paid classroom/field training; • Telemarketing from our appointment setting staff & web marketing leads for additional appointments.

For an interview call Ian at 1-800-994-4276 between 9am & 5pm EST, M-Th.

Broad St. near Jackson 2br $825+utils 2nd floor, sec dep req. 215-468-5334

10xx S. 52nd St. Lrg 3BR Laundry room, section 8 ok. 215-727-0431 20xx S. Salford 1Br $550 renov, W/D hkup, Sec 8 OK 267.230.2600 6160 Wheeler St. 3br $800+ utils $2400 required to move in 610-453-0066

1406 N 52nd St. 1br $600 kitch & ba, 1st, last & sec. (610)454-0292 1BR Apts starting at $600 $1,800 move-in. Liv rm. 267-972-9693 1X N Farson studio $400+;1br $565 + Refrig, new paint/carpet, 267-645-9421 39xx Pennsgrove St 1 BR $625+ 1st floor, W/D. Call 267-625-0066 5300 Chestnut St. 2br Section 8 ok. Call 267-237-3260 54th & Thompson 2 large BR $600. hrdwd floors, remod kit 215-870-4475

www.newclientsinc.com/ company-info/employment

62nd & Vine (2) 1Br apts $650+utils duplex, newly renovated. 215-758-7572

OPC’s & Greeters wanted

WEST PHILA 1br $550 50 Newly renov., $1,650 move in.

Call 619-772-4373

With the dynamic new casinos opening this summer we have the job for you! Promoting exciting T/S properties in the AC. Make $500-$1500 a week. Exp’d sales personalities pref. Call Bucky now 609-402-6262

W. Phila 2, 3 & 4br apts Avail Now Move in Special! 215-386-4791 or 4792

in Atlantic City

To learn more or to find the right person for your job, visit your local partner at philly.com/monster

Various Studio, 1 & 2br Apts $650-$895 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

18th & Erie Ave. efficiency $450+utils near transportation, non-smoking. Call 215-704-6938

21xx W. Ontario 2BR $650 close to Temple, Call 267-625-0066

23xx N 17th St Efficiency $450+elec large, 1 mo rent, 1 mo sec. 215-681-6967

1,2, 3, 4 Bedroom FURNISHED APTS LAUNDRY-PARKING 215-223-7000

3rd & Godfrey 2Br $650+utils newly renovated. Call 215-876-5969 DO YOU HAVE A SECTION 8 VOUCHER? Apts in Germantown and Olney- SPECIALS 1bdr&2bdr- GAS, WATER, HEAT FREE! Quiet, New Renov, Safe Living Community Call to schedule appt- 215.276.5600

5321 Wayne Ave. Efficiency $550 1br $600 Avail Now. 215-776-6277 Berkley or Seymour lrg or small units $575-$750. great transp 610-287-9857 Church Lane Court-600 Church Lane Fieldview Apt-705 Church Lane Julien-5600 Ogontz/Eli Ct.1418 Conlyn Studio, 1bdr & 2bdr -From$450-$850 Move in specials-215-276-5600 Historic Germantown 1BR $610 1st fl. & 2BR $850 Heat Incl Sect 8/HCV OK Pking avail steps to Bus 215-913-2789

MT. AIRY 1BR $850 + in resotored mansion with fireplace, central air, W/D, off street parking, Call Al Jefferson, 215-849-4343

1414 W. 71st Ave 1BR $600 2BR $800 Utilities included. Close to transportation & shopping. Call 215-574-2111 14xx 69th Ave. 1BR $500 + utils 1 mo rent & sec. Call Gene 215-525-6319 17xx Conlyn 1br $650+elec 2nd floor of duplex, near subway, fresh paint, hdwd flrs, pvt ent. 215-370-6547

2144 Bridge St. 1BR $565+utils. $1,130 move-in. Call 267-255-6322

2249 Glenview St. 2br $670+utils 2nd floor duplex, conv. to trans & shopping, nice neighborhood 215-432-6688 Academy & Grant 2BR $810+ 1st flr, renov, c/a,off st prkg856.346.0747 ACADEMY/KNIGHTS 2br $850 + utils 1st flr, garage, bsmt, air. 267-342-1993 Bustleton & Haldeman 2br Condo $925 prvt balcony w/garden view 215.943.0370 Cottman Ave Vic 2br $755 inclds water, w/w carpets. 267.251.5675 Mayfair 1BR $650+utils 1st flr, fridge, w/d hookups 856-366-6871

PALMYRA 2Br’s $950-$975 1st flr or 2nd flr, garage. (856)340-9864

C & Allegheny; 13th & York; 48th & Lancaster, 61st & Girard, SSI Welcome. Call 215-290-8702 Camden,furn rm, use of kitch & ba, $125 /wk. 1 mo rent & 1 wk sec. 215-927-1370 Frankford, nice rm in apt, near bus & El, $300 sec, $90/wk & up. 215-526-1455 Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (267)988-5890 Germantown, furn., good loc. clean, quiet reasonable, call 12-8p. 215-849-8994

Germantown,furn rms, renovated, share kitch & BA, $125/wk. 215-514-3960 MOUNT AIRY Rooms available.

Furn, Veterans welcome. 267-595-5792

NICETOWN 38xx N. 19th St. large room with cable, $110/week. Call 215-225-5680 Nicetown Room, Seniors 67 & up/Companion. Call (215)908-8987 N. Phila, 18xx W. Berks St., Furn Rooms, privte entry, $75/wk. 2 weeks rent ($150) + 2 weeks sec ($150) = $300 to move in.

No cooking. Call John (215)236-8518 N. Phila. $85/wk. $225 move-in.

Bed, fridge, micro.215-416-6538 So Phila 20th & Miflin 1 furn rm $375, all utils incl. Call 267-339-2888 S. Phila: 1425 S. 28th, Rooms, $100$125/wk. 1st, last, sec. 267-918-8344 S Phila. room for Rent Broad & Reed close to subay & El, w/d, basic cable, no utilities, $600/mo. Call (215)350-4997 SW,N, W Move-in Special! $90-$125/wk Clean furn. rooms. SSI ok. 215-220-8877 Temple U Area, Clean, semi furn rooms $80-$120/wk. 2 wk. dep. 215-869-1203 TEMPLE UNIV. AREA - ROOMS 13xx Wishart St. $100, $135, $150/wk everything included 347-355-7295 Tioga: $350/mo., & $350 sec. no kitch., or pets, priv. entry & bath (215)740-5172 Wynnefield: 21xx Wanamaker St. $85/week. (215) 879-0248

homes for rent 1418 S. 27th St. 3BR/1BA $850 Section 8 Welcomed. 610-520-1940 16XX S Etting, 3br hse, refrig, n e w paint/crpt yd pch $750+ 267-645-9421 21xx Manton St 3br/1ba $825+utils newly remod., hwd flrs, new kit w/granite countertops, new bathroom (215)917.1091 21xx Sigal 3br $750 50xx Napa 3br $790 Section 8 OK. 267-230-2600

23rd & Tasker 3BR $800+utils ceramic tile, close to trans 856-465-3464 Grays Ferry 2br/1ba $750 13xx S. Stanley St., yard, porch, close to everything, avail immed. (267)574-4163

16XX S Conestoga, 3br hse, refrig, new paint/crpt yd pch $750+ 267-645-9421

707 N. 42nd St. 6 BR/2 BA Renovated, Sect. 8 ok, (718)679-7753 7xx N. 40th St. lrg 4Br/2Ba $925 townhome w/ den, hdwd flrs throughtout, in great shape. 215-409-8383 7xx S. 60th 4br $1100+utils section 8 ok, modern, 215-868-0481 W. Phila 1br-3br Apts & Houses, $600$800. 1st/last/sec. Call 215-878-2857

University City 4Br $950 newly painted, carpet. 267-242-5675

2443 W. Toronto 3BR $725 Carpet, hdwd flrs, & appls incl, Section 8 welcome. 267-228-4538

34th & Allegheny 2BR/1BA $595 good condition. Call (215) 758-5855 Broad and Allegheny 3br $750 hardwood floors, newly renovated, alarm system, 1st, last & 1 month security required. Call 267-582-6954

Buick Roadmaster ’96 Classic collectors edition 9 pass. station wagon, extremely rare, like new $6950. 215-922-6113

Town & Country Lmtd. 2008 $20,500 loaded, DVD, 36k mi. Call 484-580-8071

Ford F-150 XLT 2002 new body style, 4 dr,lux super ext. cab,mag whls, prem tires, orig mi, sacrifice $6,975. 215-922-2165

ODYSSEY 2008 $15,500 25K mi, light blue, seats 8 (215)880-5551

Tundra SR5 2005 $18,900 4x4, double cab, 74K, A/C 267-229-0065

Oceanview, NJ (Shore) 2006, 39 ft Park Model, 3 season rm. many extras, must see, $40k/obo. for pics (267)784-5933

JUNK CARS WANTED 24/7 REMOVAL. Call 267-377-3088

FORD F-150 4x4 Ext. Cab ’07 $15k 70k, very good cond, 610-842-3638

A1 PRICES FOR JUNK CARS FREE TOW ING , Call (215) 726-9053

low cost cars & trucks

Buick 1990 Riviera Classic 2 door coupe Landau roof, every extra, perhaps the finest available, no exagerrating, sacrifice to good home, $3950. 215-627-1814 Buick Lesabre 1998 $2,250 Inspec., new radials, clean. 610-667-4829 Chevy Caprice Classic 1992 $2350 mint, 4 door, 113k, runs new 215.620.9383 Chevy Lumina 1999 $2500 89k, 1 owner, new insp. 610-203-6561 Chevy Monte Carlo 1996 $1,595 sharp car, runs great. Call 215-947-9840 Dodge Spirit 1993 $2,000 91k, insp., excellent, 610-667-4829

Cash paid on the spot for unwanted vehicles, 24/7 pick up, 215-288-9500

Ford Taurus GL 1999 $1,650 4 door, loaded, clean, cass. 215-280-4825

Mitsubishi Diamante LS 2002 $3,275 3.5 V6, leather, mnrf, CD. 267.592.0448

Geo Metro LSI 1996 $2100 auto, a/c, 45k, 40mpg 215-620-9383

Nissan Altima 2000 $2,600/obo rns exc, AC,116K, load’d, insp267.441.4612

Honda Civic 1996 $2000 4 dr, 5 spd, 164k miles. 484-494-0590 Lincoln TownCar 1999 $3995 78K mi, white w/ blue rag top, very good cond., new tries & battery, all tan leather int., PS, overdrive. Call 610-356-5537 MERCURY MOUNTAINEER 1997 $1,200 160K miles, just passed inspection.

Blueville area. Call 610-272-4759

Oldsmobile 88 1997 $1,295 74K MILES, runs great. 215-947-9840 Saab 900S 1996 $1,595 runs & runs & runs, 209K hatchback, currently registered & inspected, 5 speed manual. Call 856-220-4928 Volvo 940 1995 $1350 all pwr, clean, new inspect 215-620-9383

47xx Rorer St. 3br/1ba $900 hwd, garage, w/d, sec 8 ok (215)356-9510

38xx Delhi 3Br renov, hw flrs, Sec 8 OK 267-230-2600

Broad & Roosevelt 2br & 3br $700+ new renov., new carpet & kitch w/granite counter tops, Sec. 8 ok 215-463-6366

41 E. Walnut Ln. 5BR $1,500 W/D service, 2 full baths, 1 half bath, front and back yards. Call 215-290-3192

Port Richmond 2BR/1BA Freshly renov., Section 8 ok, rear yard.

Call Tony (215)681-8018 leave message.

23XX N. FAWN St 3BR hse, refrig, new paint/hw flrs, $800+. 267-645-9421

50XX Jackson, lge 3br hse, refrig, new paint/crpt yd bsmt $865+ 267-645-9421 53XX LESHER ST 3BR $775+UTILS CALL 484-947-8919, 215-778-0907

ROCKLAND & B ST row hse, 3BR, 2 full ba, no sect 8 $850+all utils 267-312-7100

Darby 3br/1ba $950+utils prch,yd,close shop & transp 610.696.2022 UPPER DARBY 2BR/1BA $875+utils.

Near 69th St. Hdwd flrs, C/A, garage, no pets, 2mo. sec. req’d. Call 610-370-6483

43 Eastwood Rd. Berwyn, PA 4BR/1.5BA $1,400. Rental available JULY 2012.

215-478-4577

King of Prussia 2br/2.5ba TH $1350+ut 278 Stone Ridge Dr. nwly renov., full bsmnt., deck, all amens. 267-374-8574

47

1547 S. 30th St. furn, fridge, $125 week; $375 move in. no kitchen. 215-781-8049 16xx S. 19th St & 26xx S 66th St. rooms, share kitch, $100-$125/wk 215-738-7573 21st & Erie, large room, new renov., wall/wall, furn. $100/wk. 215-570-0301 2435 W. Jefferson St. Rooms: $375/mo, Move in fee: $563. Call 215-913-8659

Broad & Hunting Park: $75-$125/wk for lrg rms. 1-2Br apts, $600-$800, 2 mo to move-in SSI OK. 267-588-5517

5810 Chesnut St. 4BR $850 new paint, hdwd flrs, W/D hk-up on 1st flr, appl. fee. (215) 327-1030 12-5pm only

MARAUDER 2003 $10,000 black, 89K miles. Call 215-783-6166

FORD F-350 HD Turbo Diesel 4x4 2008 Dually, ONLY 61k miles, 215-757-1747 VOLVO 2006 Day Cab V12: 435 HP Volvo Eng., Mod. #VNL64T300. 10spd Eaton Trans, 166 inch W.B., Avg. 500k miles, $30k/obo Levittown, PA (515)266-6745

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U L Y 1 2 - J U L Y 1 8 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

19xx Conlyn St. 1br $575+ utils Newly renovated, hdwd flrs 215.843.8387 68xx Forrest Ave. 1BR $610+utils good building, good area, 215-779-0871 E & W. Oaklane 2BR $650 new paint, top floor apt. 215.651.3333

61st & Walnut - New Rooms To Rent $400 to move in. Call (267) 257-5815

14xx N. 53rd 6br/3Ba modern, section 8 ok. 215-868-0481 2Br & 3Br Houses Sec. 8 welcome beautifully renovated, (267)981-2718

automotive

E350 2007 $26,500 loaded, 32k mi, black. Call 484-580-8071

classifieds

11th & Rockland 2br $550/mo. $1150 to move in & also Room available $350/mo. Call 610-358-1649 1x Broad St. & Windrim 1br apt Must see! Sec. 8 ok. 215-885-1700

29th & Lehigh - Rooms for Rent Call 215-549-2111, between 9-9 33rd St & Ridge Ave $100-125/wk . Large renovated furnished rooms near Fairmount Park & bus depot 215.317.2708 4508 N. Broad St. Rooms: $375/mo.

Move in fee: $563. Call 215-913-8659 53xx Girard Ave: Large clean rooms $100-$110/week. Call (215) 917-1091 55th/Thompson furn lg room $125wk, priv ent, $200 sec 215-572- 8833

46xx Marvin St 3br Renov., hdwd flrs., Sec. 8. 267-230-2600 6xx S. 61st St. 3br $700 Section 8 ok 267-230-2600

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

apartment marketplace

Cash for Comics: 1940-1970’s Collectors Welcome. 215-510-4372

billboard [ C I T Y PA P E R ]

J U LY 1 2 - J U LY 1 8 , 2 0 1 2 CALL 215-735-8444

Building Blocks to Total Fitness 41035:4 $"'c featuring the girls of

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B= 3<B3@) B= 0@7<5

Bachelor Party Headquarters All Nude, All The Time Home Of The 5 min. Lap Dance 8:00pm â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 5:00am

5)634%": ° 4"563%":

Nowi n g Hir

185 South Carolina Ave. Atlantic City (South Carolina & Boardwalk)

609-340-8820

a QS` RO\

12 Years of experience. Offering personal fitness training, nutrition counseling, and flexibility training.

Specialize in osteoporosis, injuries, special needs. In home or at 12th Street Gym. MCKFitness@yahoo.com

HAPPY HOUR AT THE ABBAYE $2 OFF ALL DRAFTS $3 WELL DRINKS $5 HAPPY HOUR MENU Only at the Abbaye 637 N. 3rd Street (215) 627-6711 www.THEABBAYE.net

FREE DRINKING SMARTPHONE APP!!!

City Paper is very pleased to bring you our very first smartphone app!

Just go to www.citypaper.net and click our martini glass icon to find out more, or type in â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Happy Hours in the app store, android marketplace, or blackberry app world.

Click the orange martini icon and get drinking. No matter where you go or when you go, you can find the nearest happy hours to you with a single click! You can even sort through bars by preference or neighborhood.

I BUY RECORDS, CDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S, DVDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

WEEKDAYS 5-7PM

17 Rotating Drafts Close to 200 Bottles

www.devilsdenphilly.com www.facebook.com/devilsdenphiladelphia www.twitter.com/devilsdenphilly

HAPPY HOUR AT THE DIVE FREE PIZZA! $2 BEER OF THE WEEK! $2 WELL DRINKS! ITâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S AMAZING! PASSYUNK AVE (7th & CARPENTER) 215-465-5505 myspace.com/thedivebar

Guaranteed-quality, body-safe sexuality products, lubricants, male room, sex-ed classes, fetish gear, Aphrodite Gallery SEXPLORATORIUM 620 South 5th Street www.sexploratoriumstore.com

STUDY GUITAR W/ THE BEST David Joel Guitar Studio All Styles All Levels.

Former Berklee faculty member.

Masters Degree with 27 yrs. teaching experience.

215.831.8640 www.myphillyguitarlessons.com

NEW AT THE EL BAR!!!

KENSINGTON HAPPY MEAL! EVERY DAY UNTIL 7PM 2 ALL BEEF HOT DOGS A PBR POUNDER A BAG OF CHIPS AND A TOY ALL FOR $5

525 West Girard Ave VINYL AND CD SPECIALISTS CLASSIC & MODERN GLOBAL SOUNDS HOUSE TECHNO DUBSTEP DUB DISCO FUNK SOUL JAZZ DIY PUNK LSD ROCK AND LIGHT HARMONY ROOTS BLUES NOISE AVANT AND MORE TUESDAY-SUNDAY 12-6PM 01-215-965-9616

IS YOUR WIFE MAD AT YOU?

SEMEN DONORS NEEDED

Healthy, College Educated Men 18-39 ~ $150/Sample WWW.123DONATE.COM

WATKINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DRINKERY

PHILADELPHIA EDDIES 621 South 4th St. Tattoo Haven (MIDDLE of Tattoo Row) 215-922-7384 open 7 DAYS

Sexual Intelligence

TOP PRICES PAID. No collection too small or large!

We buy everything!

Call Jon at 215-805-8001 or e-mail dingo15@hotmail.com

TEQUILA SUNRISE RECORDS

½ PRICED DRAFTS

MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE GET A TATTOO!

Happy hour everyday even weekends - from 5-7.

1/2 price on all 6 taps!

Check out our upstairs game room with pool, darts, and some classic arcade games.

On the corner of 10th & Watkins Streets in South Philly.

WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ON DRAFT AT WATKINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DRINKERY?

VICTORY ALT BIER CORONADO ORANGE WIT BAR HARBOR BLUE ALE ATWATER GRAND CIRCUS IPA GREAT LAKES PILSNER MANAYUNK PALE ALE Corner of 10th & Watkins!

215-339-0175

Sure she is, they all are. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because everything is your fault.

Global warming, the trade deficit, the collapse of the American education system... Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all falling apart because of you. And when you think about it, it is sorta your fault.

Even if it isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, do you have the balls to tell her sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wrong? We didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think so. Go buy her some flowers for gods sake. Because the world may be ending and you may as well try and get some before itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all over (you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t). Come visit us at Mayan Florists. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll overcharge you for flowers she probably wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like and then youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll get yelled at for spending too much money. Like we say here at Mayan Florist â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Screwed One Way Or Anotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. visit us @ www.MAYANFLORIST.com

7&3: (00% â&#x20AC;&#x153;..#&&3 -*45 )"4 (308/ 50 &1*$ 1301035*0/4 ,*5$)&/ )"4 "%%&% "/ &953" #&-- 8*5) 1&3)"14 5)& $*5:Âľ4 #&45 '3*5&4 40.& 45&--"3 #&&3 #"55&3&% '*4) "/% 7&3: (00% .644&-4Âł Craig LeBan, Philadelphia Inquirer, Revisited April 2007

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