Philadelphia City Paper, August 30th, 2012 by Philadelphia City Paper

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cpstaff We made this

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Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Samantha Melamed Web Editor/Movies Editor Josh Middleton Arts Editor/Copy Chief Emily Guendelsberger Food Editor/Listings Editor Caroline Russock Senior Writer Isaiah Thompson Staff Writer Daniel Denvir Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Chris Brown, Peter Burwasser, Anthony Campisi, Ryan Carey, Jane Cassady, Mark Cofta, Felicia D’Ambrosio, Jesse Delaney, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Michael Gold, K. Ross Hoffman, Brian Howard, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Cassie Owens, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Courtney Sexton, Lee Stabert, Tom Tomorrow, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Bruce Walsh, Julia West, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Michael Blancato, Hannah Chatterjee, Frida Garza, Anna Merriman, Carly Szkaradnik, Brittany Thomas, Andrew Wimer Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designers Brenna Adams, Matt Egger Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Office Manager/Sales Coordinator/Financial Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Senior Account Managers Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Brooke Lutz (ext. 237), Chris Scartelli (ext. 215), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Marketing/Online Coordinator Jennifer Francano (ext. 252) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Sales Intern Chelsee Lebowitz Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel

On Sale Friday, August 31

123 Chestnut Street, Third Floor, Phila., PA 19106. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-7358444 ext. 241, Letters to the Editor editorial@citypaper.net, Listings Fax 215-8751800, Classified Ads 215-248-CITY, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright © 2011, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public.

contents Lady of laughter.

Naked City ...................................................................................6 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................18 Movies.........................................................................................24 The Agenda ..............................................................................27

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naked

the thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ +1 ]

The city is looking to sell the 810-spot parking garage under Love Park. Granted, the bottom two levels belong to the Rat Lord, so you’ll need to make a separate deal with Him.

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Pennsylvania unveils its voter-only ID card. You can pick one up at the Union League, the Philly Racquet Club, any Knights of Columbus hall and the Gap.

[ -3 ]

Joshua Scott Albert, who caused a stir with his Staph Meal blog, has more recently launched controversial Facebook pages called “I Support [accused cop killers] Chancier McFarland & Rafael Jones” and “Kill Mitt Romney.” “My friends think I’m hilarious,” says Albert, huddled in his perch beneath the Tacony-Palmyra Bridge. “Don’t you, Bag of Urine? And I know you like me, Face That Appears on the Wall When It Rains.”

[ -2 ]

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Camden is considering demolishing the 85year-old Plaza at Fifth and Cooper streets, the city’s last hotel. Plan B is to just give it a minute, see if it’ll collapse on its own.

FALLOUT SHELTER: Rev. Sam Peake speaks to men at the Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission, a privately run shelter where some homeless find themselves following discharge from hospitals. NEAL SANTOS

[ health care ]

A Ukrainian company studying the instances of “good morning” and “fuck you” on Twitter declares Philadelphia one of the rudest cities in the country. Thanks, guys. Say, you know what else is rude? Dioxin poisoning. Good morning.

SICK AND MIRED

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Allstate Insurance ranks Philadelphians as the sixth worst drivers in the country. Go good morning yourself, Allstate.

[0]

Eight people are evacuated when a Center City bathhouse catches fire. And only then do they realize that none of the sinks and tubs is hooked up to anything.

[ -2 ]

New Jersey will remove the emergency callboxes from the side of the Atlantic City Expressway, calling them obsolete. “Oh, I am going to fuck some people up,” says the Jersey Devil. “Yep, I’m real.”

[ -1 ]

While discussing abortion, Pennsylvania candidate for the U.S. Senate Tom Smith likens rape to having a baby out of wedlock. The good news is that our nation’s top old men are approaching a consensus on the lady parts’ problem.

This week’s total: -7 | Last week’s total: -7

Often discharged from the hospital directly to the street, Philly’s ailing homeless face a dangerous dilemma. By Samantha Melamed errick Brown had plenty to worry about, but on an oppressively hot evening this July, it was his feet — or what was left of them — that concerned him. A surgeon had cut away the toes of his left foot and the side of his right foot, and both kept getting infected — forcing him back into the hospital five times in six months, he explained from a wheelchair in a noisy, fluorescent-lit hallway in the Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission. Sleeping on a mattress on the hallway floor of this men’s shelter at 13th and Vine streets, where he said the hospital directed him less than a week after his surgery, wasn’t helping: It was hard for him to keep his dressings clean, get the rest he needed or follow his discharge instructions. “They told me I had to be in sanitary places,” he said. His medical paperwork — along with all his other documents — had been stolen from the shelter’s storage area. He wasn’t sure how he’d refill his prescriptions. As Brown has learned, being both homeless and sick in Philadelphia is a dangerous, potentially fatal, combination. That’s because hospitals, faced with spiraling costs, often discharge patients like him even if they have no appropriate place to go. City shelters, able to offer only bare-bones health-care services, can’t accommodate them. And lack of coordination between hospitals, the

city and nonprofit agencies means patients often don’t receive recommended follow-up care. The Philadelphia Homeless Death Review for 2009-’10 cited gaps in health care as a contributing factor in outcomes for Philly’s homeless, whose average age at death was 53, or 25 years younger than the mean U.S. life expectancy. One major recommendation from the study: The creation of a medical respite program, of the type that’s springing up across the country. Such programs offer places for people like Brown to stay while recovering — breaking the cycle of expensive emergency-room visits while giving them a chance to get back on their feet. But creating such a program in Philly is easier said than done. “There’s currently no standard of care when treating patients who are homeless. … Often [they’re] simply discharged back to the street,” says Dr. Bon Ku, assistant professor of emergency medicine at Thomas Jefferson University. “The real problem lies with patients who are not sick enough to be admitted to the hospital but too sick to recuperate on the streets, because the shelters don’t have the ability to treat these patients. They end up in a kind of no-man’s zone.” As a result, says Dainette Mintz, director of the city’s Office of Supportive Housing, the shelters sometimes clash with hospitals over discharges. “We have people discharged who arrive still hooked up to IVs, and we send those people back to the hospital. We’ve had all manner of inappropriate admissions: We have some people who are sent to us and they’re still catheterized. That’s not the norm, but there have been instances of that.”

“People arrive still hooked up to IVs.”

>>> continued on page 8

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manoverboard!

[ a million stories ]

✚ TOUGH BREAK

✚ WELFARE FOUL

More than a month after a (still unexplained) main break sent water gushing into more than 75 homes in the vicinity of 21st and Bainbridge streets, the intersection remained a dusty pit hemmed in by orange fencing. And some angry residents — who met with city officials last week about the situation — were wondering if they’d ever be made whole.While the Philadelphia Water Department cleaned and fixed some residents’ basements, others were left to make repairs on their own and file claims for reimbursement. With so many houses flooded with up to six feet of water and mud, claims could exceed the state’s $500,000 cap on payouts per incident. That would be a first for a Philly water-main break; a court would decide who gets paid what. Philly risk management director Barry Scott told residents he didn’t know if the half-million-dollar tort limit was exceeded — and won’t until next year. “The city recognizes we are responsible for this event, and we are looking to make sure people aren’t hung out to dry — no pun intended,” he said. That wasn’t much comfort to a resident of the 2000 block of Kater Street, whose finished basement (her daughter’s bedroom) was destroyed. “I need to know whether I will ever be able to rebuild,” she said. Another nearby resident, Alissa McLaughlin, said she lost $32,000 worth of personal possessions, none of it covered by insurance. Others worried about the damage they couldn’t see: possible subsidence beneath their homes, as supporting soil washed away. What if such an issue revealed itself only after a few years? “We frankly will be dealing with some other issue two or three years down the road, and it will be too late,” warned Scott. The city is hiring a structural engineer to inspect immediately adjacent properties. But, he added hopefully, “Our initial indication is, it hasn’t been as terrible as it could be. —Samantha Melamed

Mitt Romney’s latest critique of President Barack Obama — that he adopted a plan to “gut welfare reform by dropping work requirements” — has served as powerful fodder for racially charged attack ads (even if they do fail a basic fact-check). The truth of the matter: States have been restricting aid to poor people since the beginning of the recession. And in Pennsylvania, work-for-welfare requirements have recently been stepped up, not relaxed. Thanks to a provision slipped into Gov. Tom Corbett’s new budget,Temporary Assistance for Needy Families recipients will now be forced to apply for three jobs per week as soon as they submit their application. Previously, work requirements only kicked in once cash assistance — along with necessary child-care support and transportation allowances — had been approved. “These new provisions will make it much harder for single mothers of young children to get the cash assistance and other supports they need while they look for work,” notes Kathy Fisher of Public Citizens for Children and Youth. “Most penniless single mothers cannot look for jobs without a child-care subsidy and transportation allowance. There are already strict job-search requirements for parents once they start receiving cash assistance. There is no need to add this new requirement.” After a similar law was implemented in Georgia, the approval rate for welfare applications dropped from 51 percent to 22 percent in three years, according to Community Legal Services of Philadelphia. The percentage of Pennsylvania’s poor served by welfare has already been cut in half since the passage of the 1996 welfare act. The state’s destitute are now in for more “reform” at the hands of Corbett — and maybe Romney, too. —Daniel Denvir

By Isaiah Thompson

South Philly KEVIN J. RIMKUNAS

³ LAST WEEK,your own Man Overboard! (in his

alternate identity as a mild-mannered reporter) wrote about a shortage of clean needles among Philly drug users — thanks in part to a dearth of resources at Prevention Point, the city’s only sanctioned syringe-exchange program and, more generally, to widespread objection to such programs, embodied by a ban on federal funding for them. From a public-health standpoint, it doesn’t make much sense: Syringe exchanges have been shown to effectively reduce the spread of HIV and other diseases. But the hurdle is, for many, at gut level: Whatever the studies say, there are many Americans (and Philadelphians) who feel it’s not right to give addicts the tools that enable them to use — except, that is, when it comes to another risky behavior. Take, for example, the Greater Philadelphia Tourism Marketing Corporation, whose “With Love, Philadelphia XOXO” campaign recently included a “love letter” about SugarHouse Casino: “Dear Winning Streak, Is it hot in here or is it just you?” accompanied by a photo of a man and two women, all three Asian, at a Pai Gow table. In an email blast to its supporters, Casino Free Philadelphia — which holds that casinos are predatory — asked: “Is this how Philadelphia should be represented?” The answer, at least among city officials, seems to be a resounding “Sure!” When a second casino license was re-awarded to Philly in July, Mayor Nutter, who first ran as an opponent of casinos, told theInquirer that “keeping that license in Philadelphia has been our top priority.” City Council President Darrell Clarke — in whose district developer Bart Blatstein wants to build a casino — wrote a procasino op-ed in the Inquirer, saying “the wisest bet for the state’s next casino is right here.” The justification boils down to the revenue casinos “generate” (the word, as the Daily News opinion page recently noted, somewhat belies the $13 billion Pennsylvania gamblers have lost so far). But beneath the money is evidence that so-called problem gambling may not be a rare exception in the modern “convenience casino” but the very basis of its profit, and evidence — highlighted on This American Life — that casinos actively target problem gamblers. These findings raise serious questions about whether casinos are really an entertainment industry or something much darker. Our local leaders don’t show much interest in the answer. It’s strange: We’re terrified of enabling one addict, but we’ll risk building a palace for another. ✚ Enable Man Overboard’s columnizing addiction at isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net

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RISKY BUSINESS

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[ seems to be a resounding “Sure!” ]

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✚ Sick and Mired

[ the naked city ]

<<< continued from page 6

The city shelters can’t take anyone who needs an oxygen tank, who is incontinent or who has a contagious disease. They also would not accept someone, like Brown, with open wounds still requiring care. All this puts those in situations like Brown’s in a perilous state of limbo. Brown, for one, owes his life to the American health-care system — but his is also one of its horror stories. He came here from Jamaica 16 years ago, and not long afterward was diagnosed with pemphigus vulgaris, a life-threatening autoimmune disorder that manifested in sores and skin peeling off his mouth, tongue and face. The medication he required wreaked havoc with his pre-existing diabetes and exacerbated his heart problems; he lost circulation to his feet, which grew infected and eventually had to be partially amputated. “My doctor said I wouldn’t make it six weeks,” he says. He lived, but his medicine alone cost him $2,300 a month. He sold off everything he owned and drained his bank account to keep up; seven months ago, he became homeless for the first time in his life, staying at the city-run Ridge Center. Brown, 58, wishes he could go home to Jamaica, but he can’t. “My dermatologist told me Jamaica don’t know about this sickness. If I go down there, I will die.” So after Ridge closed this summer, he says, the hospital sent him to the Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission, where those who can’t make it upstairs to the dorms are sometimes allowed to sleep on the hallway floor. (Neither Hahnemann University Hospital nor Penn Health System accommodated City Paper’s requests to speak with a discharge planner or explain discharge policies.) In more than 60 other cities around the country, medical respite would have been an option for Brown. In Philly, though, the one serious attempt to initiate such a program fizzled out five years ago. Back then, the city had tentatively agreed to set aside six shelter beds for respite, Mintz says; it was just waiting for an area hospital to obtain funding for the health-care component. That funding never materialized. And since then, things have gotten worse. “The situation has changed since 2007, and we now probably no longer have the luxury of taking six beds offline to make available,” Mintz says. About half of the nation’s medical-respite programs are funded by hospitals, according to Sabrina Edgington, program and policy specialist at the National Health Care for the Homeless Council, an advocacy organization. There’s good reason for hospitals and insurers to step up. Studies of Boston and Chicago respite programs found a 50 percent reduction in emergency-room utilization among those with access to respite services. That equals vast savings, says Jefferson’s Ku, who is studying the costs associated with homeless patients who are frequent visitors to emergency departments. “In one calendar year, our top user accrued almost half a million dollars in hospital charges,” he says. Yet hospitals continue to skimp on dedicating resources to the issue. “There’s this vicious cycle of these patients coming to the emergency department to get care, the care is episodic, they get discharged to the street and they end up back in the emergency department. … That’s not adequate to bring them back to health.” That’s not to say the situation is hopeless. One bright spot is the newly renovated Mary Howard Health Center, run by the Public Health Management Corporation (PHMC). The center, which started in a church basement and expanded to 10 sparklingly clean exam rooms last year, is dedicated to serving the homeless and, hopefully, diverting them from the emergency department. The nurse-run practice offers everything from primary care to nutrition and diabetes education to mental-health counseling and referrals. The center also does shelter outreach and is launching an initiative to connect with hospitals and make follow-up appointments before homeless patients are discharged, increasing the likelihood of continued care. “This works really well if we know who the patients are and they’re in the system,” says Dorothea McGlaughlin, a clinician at the health center. “It’s the patients that end up in the hospital that don’t have any connection with us that end up being lost.”

MEDICAL ADVANCES: The Mary Howard Health Center is working to break the cycle of emergency-room visits for homeless patients. NEAL SANTOS

Patient-privacy laws may create challenges to sharing information, but that type of cooperation needs to become more common, says Ku. “Government agencies, hospitals and nonprofits treat the same populations, but they often don’t speak to each other. So the homeless patient gets cycled through” the various agencies, without getting the assistance that’s required. That’s what happened to Barry Norman, 58, who has been in the hospital six times this year — each after getting dizzy and collapsing. The last time, he fell down the steps at an El station and spent three days in the hospital; he tore a ligament and his legs were swollen and bruised for days. The recovering addict and cancer survivor says he’s never received follow-up care or a diagnosis for his “episodes,” though he now intends to do so. “When the incidents happen, as soon as I feel better I don’t follow up,” he admits. “This time I am.” A handful of options that could help connect homeless patients to follow-up care, housing and short-term respite are in the works. For one, PHMC is currently investigating possibilities for a medical respite program, says Sandy Orlin, PHMC clinical director of health care for the homeless. She says they were motivated by the Death Review results. “It’s always impossible to say whether a death can be avoided,” she says, but “everyone on the review committee agreed on the need [for a respite-type program].” Meanwhile, Ku is working with the social-service nonprofit Depaul USA to develop what he hopes, pending funding, will be long-term housing for 30 homeless people with complex medical problems. At Penn Medicine, Dr. Shreya Kangovi is trying a different tactic with the Patient Centered Transition Project, which uses community health workers to help patients, while they’re still in the hospital and afterward, to navigate social-service systems and apply for subsidized housing. “We need to treat these housing issues like we’re treating a health problem,” Kangovi says. “Social issues are a huge threat to people’s health.” But Kangovi’s program, too, is in a pilot phase only. As for Brown, he’s now staying at a friend’s house and, with more time to rest and less stress, starting to recover. The doctors still fear they’ll have to amputate his right foot, but he’s newly optimistic. “I know I’m going to walk,” he says. “I’m not listening to no doctor, Just give me my medication and leave the walking to me.” (samantha@citypaper.net)

“There’s this vicious cycle for patients.”

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feedback From our readers

SHOOTING RANGE Last week’s news story about how the demand by intravenous drug users for government-sanctioned clean needles is outpacing the supply [“Philly’s Syringe-Exchange Program Faces a Dangerous Shortfall,” Isaiah Thompson, Aug. 23, 2012] caused a not-unexpected debate on citypaper.net. Commenter dangerclose14 expressed outrage: “300 needles at a time? If these losers are only shooting $5 bags that comes out to $1,500 in drugs. What is it, weekly? Monthly? Either way, if they’re spending that kind of cash on dope, they can pay for their own needles.” Rothfacekilla responded, “Dangerclose14, I hate to dignify your comment with a response, as you clearly did not read the article. However, I ask you to consider the cost of syringes with the cost of, say, HIV medications or hepatitis C treatment. By that I mean to say the syringes are far less expensive.”

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CHARTERING A COURSE A post on our Naked City blog about how the pro-charter Philadelphia Schools Partnership is already halfway to its fundraising goal [“Campaign to Privatize Philly Schools Raises $50 Million, Nutter Accolades,” Daniel Denvir, Aug. 24, 2012] caused commenter kornbread to break out the sarcasm: “Wow, how far and wide is this conspiracy to improve education in Philly? Let me get this straight, people who have no obligation to contribute anything have given $50M to help city kids and they didn’t do it in a way that you prefer? That’s really scandalous. How dare they.” Sumac chimed in: “At least now with charters parents have

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[ the naked city ]

some choice to leave failing schools ... . Why are they fleeing in droves? Are parents too stupid to be entrusted with such a choice? There is no conspiracy against public schools. There are few organizations that would survive for as long as the [School District] did with its track record of failure.” Teachersteve responded, “Someone has a problem with [Denvir] speaking up for children who don’t seem to get a piece of the money/resource pie and who always seem to get shortchanged with regard to resources, counseling services, etc.?” And tom-104 added,“Previous comments look like the right-wing noise machine is gunning full blast in Pennsylvania and Philadelphia in particular. We can expect more of this now that a new right-wing talkradio station is operating in Philly. I wonder how Nutter sleeps at night knowing he is aiding and abetting these people!” ✚ We welcome and encourage your feedback. Mail letters to Feedback, City Paper, 123 Chestnut St., 3rd Floor, Phila., PA 19106. E-mail editorial@citypaper.net or comment online at citypaper.net. Submissions may be edited for clarity and space.

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Rick Scotti was always guided by an outspoken inner voice, and it seemed to consistently have his back. It provided him practical know-how, like excellent public-restroom radar, but sometimes it was eerily clairvoyant, like the time it screamed at him to jump out of a chair just before a bullet from a neighbor’s gun came blazing through his wall and into the very spot he had just been sitting. So with such timeliness, one has to wonder why that voice waited 50 years to say, “Oh, hey, by the way, you’re really a woman.” To be fair, “there were signs galore that something was amiss in my DNA,” but unless you were Little Richard, tapping into your inner sissy wasn’t

shot when he graduated from high school in 1970, so he picked up some cash playing drums in a few jazz bands. Around the same time, he married his first wife, they had a kid and he continued to play while waiting for his comedy stars to twinkle. One evening, in the late ’70s, his bandmates agreed to let him do some comedy between sets, a bit in which he wore a trench coat, beret and sunglasses and goofed around as an Italian skateboarding champ. It bombed. No laughs. Crickets. “But what it did do was give me the confidence to walk out in front of people alone. When you walk out there for the first time and realize there’s no band to help you — no mommy, no daddy — and you’re able to get past it, you’re a comic. Whether you’re funny or not, you’re a comic.” His first official standup gig was on May 30, 1980, at a Chinese restaurant in Paramus, N.J. This time, he went out dressed as Moses trying to hock “10 Commandments Hair-Coloring for Men,” and people dug it. Laughs! Encouraged, he traveled to Manhattan, where he auditioned for and became a regular at The Improv in Hell’s Kitchen. There, he shared a stage with fledglings like Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Reiser and Eddie Murphy while working on his own shtick — a

Things were going great career-wise, but as Rick approached 50, it became more difficult to ignore the nagging sense that something inside him was off. In the mid-’90s he divorced his second wife and met Kate, a free-spirited spitfire who allowed him to speak candidly about his identity issues. One night, when explaining his failed attempts at dating men, she said something that put everything into perspective: “It doesn’t sound like you want to love as a man; it sounds like you want to be loved as a woman.” Rick was dumbfounded. He was a she. And she is Julia Scotti — which is actually not her original choice, Roxanne, because “that sounds like a hooker.”

ccording to the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care, the current go-to treatment guidelines for patients with gender dysphoria, a successful transition process takes at least two years. Trans people shouldn’t take the first leap — hormone therapy — until after undergoing two months of psychological evaluation. After that, they have to live a year as their new gender and then acquire signatures from two psychologists and a medical doctor before getting the OK for genderreassignment surgery. “That really pisses me off,” Julia says. “Anyone can go in and get a nose job or assplants or whatever, and nobody questions that. It’s kind of prejudicial, if you ask me.”

sensible for a boy growing up in the ’50s — especially for Rick, who came of age in a working-class North Jersey town populated by tough Irish and Italian immigrants; in other words, a place where a fellow would get his ass kicked for even thinking about acting fruity. So he shoved his feelings aside and learned to “toughen up” by imitating other boys in town, latching on to the few artsy activities males could get away with. In high school, he played drums in several bands, but nothing made him happier than comedy. He idolized funny people he saw on TV, especially Lou Costello, who inspired him to perform some of his own spit-takes and pratfalls for his family: “I was always the one who made the adult relatives laugh. I just had this innate ability to string funny thoughts together in an impromptu fashion.” A comedy career seemed like a long

loud, crabby character who’s modeled after his dad and is “most comfortable when he’s bitching.” Not much later, Rick and his wife split up, stirring up the “continuous argument inside of me between the male and female sides.” For a while, he thought he might be queer, so he sought refuge in gay bars, where he’d only wind up sitting alone shaking “like a person with a muscular disease.” So again, he buried his feelings, married another woman and kept plugging away at the comedy thing — but this time in the City of Brotherly Love. In those days, Philadelphians were waiting in line to see standup acts at clubs like Comedy Works, Comedy Factory Outlet and Going Bananas on Second near South. Rick would soon become a topdraw headliner at all three clubs, making Philly the epicenter of his career during the late-’80s and ’90s comedy boom.

Not sure how a gender change would play with her old fans, she decided to retire from comedy and go to college to earn a teaching degree. Her final performance as Rick was on May 30, 2000, exactly 20 years after her first gig in Paramus. End of chapter. Now she was ready to “become” a lady. The gesticulations came easy. “My voice was always kind of high to begin with,” she says in a cheerful, warbled tone that rings almost Julia Child-like. And as far as gestures, “It wasn’t so much a matter of learning how to act, but letting my natural mannerisms come out.” The walk was a different story. “Julia galumphed,” laughs Kate. “I did everything but make her walk with a book on her head” to discourage her “elephantlike” gait. “Now she glides, feet pointing forward, head up and shoulders back — which makes her boobs look bigger.” For the physical stuff, nothing worked its magic like estrogen. “It’s a wonderful, wonderful hormone,” Julia says, praising God for its ability to grow her a thick head of silver hair that, as Rick, was receding with a quickness. Kate also showed her how to apply makeup — something that, “being no frou-frou femme,” she wears sparingly — and waxed her brows. Julia says that’s the first time she saw herself. “It’s like being blind your entire life and suddenly you look in the mirror and go, ‘Oh my God, that’s me.’ It was a very emotional moment.” The toughest part was presenting herself to the world — as a woman and an out lesbian. At first, “I was so embarrassed and ashamed and guilty. I had a cousin who said I was doing it for attention, and I was, like, ‘Really?!’ It would have been less painful >>> continued on page 16

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“Anyone can go in and get a nose job or assplants or whatever, and nobody ever questions that.”

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to stand on the roof of a building with a high-powered rifle than go through that.” She quietly moved to a town where no one knew her and prepared for what would be her toughest obstacle yet: starting work as an elementary-school teacher. “I was scared out of my wits,” she says about walking in on the first day in women’s clothes. “I’ve performed in front of thou-

Montreal to complete the final step: gender-reassignment surgery. And just like that, things were official. “I remember waking up — with bags of ice in my crotch — and hearing that inner voice saying, ‘It’s right, it’s what’s supposed to be.’ But what I took from that is it’s not about the surgery, it’s about who you are and finding that you in you — getting out of that prison.

name in the book — he-she, it, freak, she-male. I didn’t know if I wanted to expose myself to a public where I had a target on me.” But she was tired of screwing around. Let’s do this, she decided. “My very first night back was last fall at Comedy Works at Georgine’s Restaurant in Bristol. I obviously couldn’t do my old act,” she laughs, since “it was a lot of dad stuff. But I had this mission to be a trans comic who could stand up for other trans people. So I said to the audience: ‘I’ve been away for 10 years and a lot’s happened. I went to college. I became a teacher. My parents died. And, oh yeah, I had a sex-change operation.’” Silence. “I realized they didn’t believe me, so I said, ‘No, really.’ And still nothing. So then I went, ‘NO, REALLY!’” She still didn’t get much of a reaction, but, “I had to say it out loud … to strangers, and with pride,” she says. “Then a weight lifted off my shoulders. I did it and I survived.” After that, she decided to cool it on the trans stuff for a while, not only to have the chance to “be like all other comics and just do regular material,” but to give herself time to work on some of the issues she still harbored about putting her trans experience in the spotlight. A year into her comeback, she’s been invited to perform in clubs all over the tri-state area, including a five-month weekly stint as host and creator of Julia Scotti’s Comedy Test Kitchen at Dark Horse Pub. There, she had the chance to hone her new character routine as a “crazy old lady” modeled after her mom, who apparently was just as irritable as her pops. Like her old repertoire, her new material involves a lot of yelling, arm flailing and getting in people’s faces, but now she’s bitching about getting old and the woes of womanhood. At last month’s Ladies of Laughter preliminary competition at Gotham Comedy Club in New York City, she had the crowd in tears over “a bit about not having to use her fake orgasm moan anymore because I’m old.” The women in the audience started cackling because they know what’s up. But then she threw in the zinger: “Yep, they taught us that in trans school.” The crowd lost it.

“In the LGBT world we’re the ‘T’ at the end — after the bisexuals, for crying out loud.” sands of people and it never bothered me half as much as walking into a classroom full of sixth graders. It was a scary year.” To make things worse, not long after she began, a kid slipped a note on her desk that read, “Everybody here thinks you’re really a man.” Mortified, she considered never going back, but, “I thought, you know what, I’m not going to let this 12year-old kid bully me and ruin my life.” So she rolled up her sleeves and waltzed — not galumphed, thank you — back to finish the year. The following summer she went to

There’s nothing better than being free.” After that, Julia would go back to work where she taught for the next seven years, until … wait a minute, is that …? Yep. She started to feel that old, familiar tingle in her funny bone.

er decision to get back into comedy didn’t come easily. “When you’re transgender — as much as you don’t want to admit it — there’s a little shame going on because of what the world heaps on you,” she says. “I’d been called every

That night, she became the first trans person to ever perform in the Ladies of Laughter competition and one of only five finalists, a show of support that’s emboldened her to set a new goal to become America’s first successful transgender comic (“by next fall I want to perform on Ellen”) so she can break down the stigmas that continue to set her trans brothers and sisters apart from the rest of society — even in the places you’d least expect. “In the LGBT world we’re the ‘T’ at the end — after the bisexuals, for crying out loud. So we’re kind of like the stepchild in that world, too. I want to change that … to show that we can have lives and do anything we want. We’re our worst enemy if we don’t let that happen.” She admits it may have taken her a while to get to this point, but she’s finally “past the fear and the shame. I’m past the guilt. I’m past it all. Now, I’m here. Deal with me. And that’s my attitude: ‘Just deal with it.’” (josh.middleton@citypaper.net) ✚ Julia Scotti will perform Fri., Sept. 21, 9 p.m., and Sat., Sept. 22, 7 and 9:15 p.m., $20, at Comedy Cabaret,

200 N. Route 73, Marlton, N.J., 856-866-5653, comedycabaret.com/newjersey.

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

³ THIS ICEPACK’S FOR the ladies: those who

left town, those who stayed, even the gal who married me (anniversary time with Glamorosi, yo). Alice Cohen,the one-time Vels and Fun City frontwoman, left these parts a while ago for Brooklyn and a career in electro-pop far eerier than what she accomplished in Philly. After dropping Sky Flowers and Walking Up Walls in ’08 and ’09, respectively, Cohen just released her strongest record to date, Pink Keys.Where Walls was a raw train-of-thought batch of song sketches and improvised lyrics, Pink Keys is, in Cohen’s words, more produced and tuned into the “so-called ‘hypnagogic’ scene of the Brooklyn community I live in, a sort of hybrid dance-pop with cosmic leanings and escapist, fairy-tale imagery.” So how does Cohen make use of her days playing at the Ripley and hanging at the Hot Club? “I drew on a lot of my experiences as a Philadelphia musician. In fact, I used the actual same Linn drum machine that we used in the Vels, but played it manually.” Cohen says she channeled her R&B roots and allowed herself to play with vocal styles from other eras. “It’s definitely flavored by my memories and time spent in Philadelphia.” ³ One-time Philadelphia mag and Philly Weekly scribe Jessica Pressler is ready for her closeup. The New York writer who recaps Gossip Girl episodes for the mag will have a meta-moment when she appears as, what else, a blogger in an episode of the show during its sixth and final CW season this October. I’m not sure Pressler can pretend for long. Let’s see how she holds up. ³ Closer to home, one-time City Paper editor and staff writer Jen Darr — she learned to box for a cover story back in ’98 — is behind a righteous rock-out benefit Aug. 30 at World Café Live. The Sophie Jane Darr Summer Concert Series is dedicated to Jen’s niece, who passed away from brain cancer just before Christmas 2007. The family started a charity in Sophie’s name three years ago and has held all kinds of events, with 100 percent of monies raised benefiting kids with cancer and other heinous diseases. This Sophie show features Philly and Brooklyn bands such as Toy Soldiers,Desoto Jones,The Hyde and Leroy Justice. Do that. ³ In other Jen news, chef Jen Zavala, the lass behind El Camino Real and the debuting-soon Cherry Bomb Bus and this week’s Hen’s Revenge ladies-only bash at Prohibition Tap Room,has something else to crow about. She hooked up with the Farmers’ Cabinet crew over the weekend for a TBD role at one of their restaurants (they have The Boilermaker on South 11th, too). As long as Jen’s cooking, it’s a’ight. ³ Lots more meta-moments when Icepack gets illustrated at citypaper.net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

OUT OF SIGHT: (L-R) Rick Ross, Gary Clark Jr. and Santigold play the heavily fortified fest on the Parkway this weekend. Better buy a ticket or make friends with somebody in Park Towne Place.

[ music fest ]

You spot Ron Howard.

THE BREWPRINT

Somebody gives a shout-out to MCA.

³ SHOT

The official Budweiser Made in America drinking game. By Patrick Rapa

f you’ve been anywhere near the Parkway recently, you know the Jay-Z-curated Budweiser Made in America Festival is looming large. Three stages, two sound-dampening perimeter fences, 50,000-ish ticket holders, countless tweets predicting a shitshow — what’s going to happen? Who knows. Probably everyone will just have a good, weird time. Weird, because the lineup is sorta nuts. Will the dude tripping to Skrillex on Saturday join Pearl Jam’s slo-mo mosh pit on Sunday? What’s the crossover like for fans of Dirty Projectors and Drake? Jay-Z said he’d invite the president — any chance of that More on: happening? And where are The Roots? Looks like it’s up to Meek Mill, Jill Scott and turncoat Santigold to represent. And it’s up to you, dear reader. This is for a good cause (the United Way), so get drinking. But stay hydrated. Remember: Budweiser is technically not water.

citypaper.net

³ SIP Chris Cornell joins Pearl Jam for “Hunger Strike 2012.” D’Angelo takes his shirt off. Miike Snow gets kicked out for being made in Sweden. Odd Future says a bad word. Skrillex reminds you of Dream a Little Dream-era Corey Feldman.

Meek Mill joins Drake for “Amen.” Run-DMC joins The Hives for “Walk This Way 2012.” Calvin Harris gets kicked out for being made in Scotland. You spot Potsie or Ralph Mouth. Somebody gives a shout-out to Neil Armstrong.

³ CHUG Rick Ross rolls onstage in a Rascal. Drake gets kicked out for being made in Canada. D’Angelo takes your shirt off. C H E C K C I T Y PA P E R . NET/CRITICALMASS FOR PHOTOS FROM T H E F E S T.

Somebody reprograms Janelle Monáe to

kill all humans. You spot Will Smith or President Obama. Somebody gives a shout-out to Phyllis

Diller.

Beanie Sigel does a walk-on during Jay-Z’s set and they’re

friends again. ³ RUN Beanie Sigel does a walk-on during Jay-Z’s set and they’re not

friends again. (pat@citypaper.net) ✚ Sat.-Sun., Sept. 1-2, noon, $91.85-$625 (single day), $153.70-$947.70 (two-day

pass), Ben Franklin Parkway, 888-458-8297, madeinamericafest.com.

the naked city | feature

[ a trailblazing type of heartbreak ] ³ folk

What is this Thing Called Divine Fits (Merge)? It’s the sort of record Britt Daniel could knock out in his sleep: effortlessly stylish, textural, terse, flat-out terrific sounding. Yeah, in the Divine Fits world, Wolf Parader/Handsome Fur Dan Boeckner gets equal writing/vocal billing and brings the synthesizer substrata, and New Bomb Turk Sam Brown mans the skins nimbly, but the Spoon frontman’s tragically hip fingerprints are all over this steely tough-guy pop.

The first cymbal crash of the title song on Caroline Herring’s Camilla (Signature Sounds) says settle in for some serious storytelling. Not to sell the old-time quaver in Herring’s voice short, but it really is the writing: “Camilla” is a first-generation civil-rights saga. Aoife O’Donovan and Mary Chapin Carpenter show up on “Traveling Shoes,” an a cappella retelling of a Eudora Welty story, softly suggestive of primitive hymns. Anyone who opens a song with “I’m 24 years old, I won’t live this way anymore” means serious business. —Mary Armstrong

³ blues/gospel That place where blues and gospel meet, in performers like the Reverend Gary Davis, is where Kelly Joe Phelps’ Brother Sinner & the Whale (Black Hen Music) finds its home. If only Davis and other street preachers had enjoyed such clear recordings in their day. Phelps’ voice is like honeyed gravel, subtly, softly bending notes in the service of the sacred. Secular songs are scarce in this collection of originals — even the flashy instrumentals have gospelinspired titles like “Spit Me Outta the Whale. —Mary Armstrong

flickpick

—K. Ross Hoffman

³ roots/protest Ry Cooder’s second political record in as

many years, Election Special (Nonesuch) is an unbridled blast of satirical left-wing invective. It’s also just a blast: His riffs are as righteous as his fury, his frettings as compelling as his ever-luminous fretwork. Channeling American vernacular forms — two-step country, swampy Delta blues, ragged rock, mandolinflecked folk — the wry ol’ coot variously impersonates a frisky RNC conventioneer, a Faustian Charles Koch, a woe-begotten Obama and Mitt’s infamously roof-racked pooch, while just so happening to mention Jim Crow on roughly half the songs. And there’s a great sing-along Occupy anthem. —K. Ross Hoffman

[ movie review ]

BELOVED

From Paris to Prague to Montreal and back.

ANOTHER PLACE ³ IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS,five months and six days

since Arrested Development released 3 Years, 5 Months & 2 Days in the Life Of…,and though they’ve put out six albums in the interim, their debut casts a long shadow. All these years later, it stands as the only record to be endorsed by mainstream rap radio programmers, critics, Grammy voters, black intellectuals, alt-rockers and the family-values crowd.To mark its 20th anniversary, Arrested Development’s making it the focus of their current tour, which stops at World Café Live at the Queen on Sept. 24. But they’re also still grappling with their legacy on their new Standing at the Crossroads(self-released). “Did you know message rap was huge at one point?” Speech asks on “I Don’t Know Why I Ever Doubted.” He’s not just nostalgic; he’s pissed. He continues the charge on “My Reflection”: “If Jay-Z is Jehovah, I’m the Antichrist/ And if making mad dough is living, I’m the anti-life,” Speech argues, making a case for keeping it real through honest work, talent and prayer. You’ll never sign off on everything AD’s pushing, but they give you something to think about. It’s always been that way; 3 Years moved a lot of people — it sold more than 4 million copies in its first three years — and even message-rap messiahs can’t appeal to as many constituencies as AD did without part of that message getting lost. If “Tennessee” was an unlikely but irresistible first single, with its back-to-the-land ethos and picnic pacing, “People Everyday” proved a funky follow-up by reinventing Sly & the Family Stone’s “Everyday People” as a black hippie’s revenge fantasy. By the time the group landed its third Top 10 single with “Mr. Wendal,” which measures a homeless man against the society that disregards him, it seemed like they’d put hip-hop on a new path. So much for that. Despite all the extended-family voices throughout the record, this is one man’s vision: pro-God but skeptical of the church, pro-woman but dead-set against abortion, pro-monogamy but stung by rejection. Speech may speechify about unity, but he’s true to himself above all.That’s what makes AD worth listening to, even if — especially if — your path has led you somewhere else. (m_fine@citypaper.net)

LEAN ON ME: Real-life mother-daughter duo Catherine Deneuve and Chiara Mastroianni offer knockout performances in this ambitious musical drama, but their songs could use a tune-up.

M.J. Fine does it again

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[ B+ ] CHRISTOPHE HONORÉ’S BELOVED is an ambitious musical drama that spans five decades and four countries to tell the romantic stories of a mother and her daughter, played by real-life mother-daughter duo Catherine Deneuve and Chiara Mastroianni. Deneuve stars as the adult version of Madeleine, a shopgirl with poor impulse control who becomes a prostitute and marries one of her johns. Mastroianni is their daughter, the lovelorn Vera. The plot moves briskly from Paris to Prague to London to Montreal and back, stopping sporadically for musical interludes that allow viewers a chance to get oriented. Unfortunately, many of these ditties come across as forgettable and distracting — a damn shame in a film with such compelling performances. The lyrics are melodic snippets of dialogue intended to propel the plot forward, but since the performers here are actors, not singers, conversations are more enjoyable when they are simply spoken. Beloved succeeds, however, despite these questionable musical junctures, a testimony to the strength of the rest of the film. Deneuve remains sympathetic while juggling her affections for two men, and Mastroianni brings a beautifully subdued grace to a character desperate for companionship. Paul Schneider offers a standout performance as Henderson, a charming American musician who becomes the object of Vera’s relentless pursuit — even after he comes out of the closet. Honoré takes plenty of swings in this film and not all of them are home runs. The French director deserves props, though, for taking on a work that successfully explores the plasticity of male sexual orientation and treats its flawed female leads with kindness and sincerity. It can be messy at times, but that’s how it succeeds at offering a spot-on portrayal of human nature and love. —Michael Blancato

reconsiderme

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[ disc-o-scope ]

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re:view Annette Monnier on visual art

BIG NIGHT Âł THE PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM of Art experience is usually quiet

and reverent. Patrons, if they talk at all, keep their voices to a hushed whisper. They linger for a couple dozen seconds or so in front of each piece of art as they make their sedate, silent circuit of each room as if on an invisible conveyor belt, hands clasped lightly behind their backs. But thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something about the portraits photographer Mary Ellen Mark captured of teens at their high school formals that seems to loosen the tongue. On a recent day at Markâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s show â&#x20AC;&#x153;Promâ&#x20AC;? in the Perelman Building, people werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t afraid to rise above a whisper. They pointed, giggled and sighed wistfully, unafraid to voice thoughts like â&#x20AC;&#x153;I really hate that dressâ&#x20AC;? or â&#x20AC;&#x153;Her eyebrows look good.â&#x20AC;? While many of these comments were fairly inane, there was an overall feeling of participation â&#x20AC;&#x201D; people were having fun, looking at the photographs for a little bit longer than they usually would and bringing something of themselves to the experience. All the fuss was over a collection of about 60 black-and-white, 20by-24-inch photographs Mark shot with a Polaroid Land Camera (one of only five in existence, with precious little film stock remaining) between 2006 and 2009 at 13 high school proms in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, California, Texas and Virginia. (One of the schools visited by Mark, a native Philadelphian and Penn grad, was her own alma mater â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Cheltenham High School in Wyncote.) Each print is unique â&#x20AC;&#x201D; literally, there are no negatives â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but

the images, taken as a whole, have some common threads familiar to most people who attended an American high school. For one, the prom-picture ritual itself: Two dressed-to-the-nines teenagers pose together, centered against a neutral backdrop. ( â&#x20AC;&#x153;Promâ&#x20AC;? also includes intermittent singles or groups, such as an image of one thrilled-looking young man accompanied by two unsmiling blondes.) Individual prom pictures are, obviously, not interesting enough to be hung in an art museum. But in the context of each other, these photographs are more than the sum of their parts. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a freezeframe of the different ways that kids of various socio-economic backgrounds, races and sexual orientations all participate in this most American of experiences. Not everyone is attractive in the photographs, exactly, yet they all are beautiful. Each subject is a blank slate for projected narratives and backstories. A fresh-faced young woman in a tiara tightly grips the arm of her tuxedo-clad, Bieber-haired girlfriend. Two overweight Texan sisters in puffy dresses keep a foot of space between them. A white dress must have been altered to accommodate a basketballsized pregnancy. Some kids hang off each other, others leave ample room for Jesus. Some kids look streetwise and tough; others look as if they were regularly shoved into lockers. Accompanying the photographs is a 33-minute video by Markâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s husband, filmmaker Martin Bell â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a series of interviews with the subjects of the photographs that confirms some of these narratives and assumptions while undermining a few more. The prom queen

[ arts & entertainment ]

is naive and somewhat full of herself. The beautiful cancer survivor is sweet and wise. The nerdy-looking couple is ... well, really nerdy. But the tough-looking Latino couple from New York who mean-mugged the camera are teary-eyed and sentimental. Some of these kids love each other, while others are realists, expecting to go their separate ways in the near future. The level of trust Mark and Bell were able to earn from their subjects is remarkable. These subjects appear heartbreakingly young and innocent; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard not to imagine how much theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll change in a few short years, and to wonder if the picture will one day embarrass the hell out of them. A few people (myself included) discreetly wiped their eyes more then once during the film, temporarily possessed by the spirit that makes moms across all cultures sniffle, â&#x20AC;&#x153;My babyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all grown up.â&#x20AC;? Even if you hated high school, you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help but feel like the kids in America are doing all right â&#x20AC;&#x201D; even if they seem a little misguided at times. â&#x153;&#x161; â&#x20AC;&#x153;Prom: Photographs by Mary Ellen Mark,â&#x20AC;? through

Oct. 28, included in $20 admission, Philadelphia Museum of Art, Perelman Building, 2525 Penn sylvania Ave., 215-763-8100, philamuseum.org.

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“‘PR E

MIUM RUSH’ IS A FUN RIDE THAT ’S A COOL END-OFSUMMER TREAT.”

shorts

FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

-James Da FrontRo wson, wFeatur e s .c o m

A Cat in Paris

NEW BELOVED|B+ Read Michael Blancato’s review on p. 19. (Ritz at the Bourse)

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A CAT IN PARIS|B+ Jean-Loup Felicioli and Alain Gagnol’s film, nominated for the Best Animated Feature Oscar, is a whimsical noir caper whose hero is a roaming housecat named Dino. By day, Dino is the companion of young Zoe, the mute daughter of a Parisian detective mother. By night, though, he rolls with a heart-ofgold cat burglar named Nico. When Zoe sneaks out after her cat one night, she runs afoul of a gang of murderous thieves. (In France, the title is Une vie de chat, or “a cat’s life,” which could apply to either the literal feline or the second-story man.) The story is slight, but the film doesn’t overstay its welcome — it’s particularly well-suited to young attention spans. The Cubist images feel like a deliberate throwback, and give the film the feel of a storybook page come to life. It’s a vividly individual work, each frame as idiosyncratic as an artist’s line. —Sam Adams (Ritz at the Bourse) THE POSSESSION Read Drew Lazor’s review at citypaper.net/movies. (Pearl, UA Riverview)

CONTINUING

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2 DAYS IN NEW YORK|C Julie Delpy’s debut as a writer-director, 2 Days in Paris, was a caustic riposte to her best-known role as one-half of the brief-encounters couple in Before Sunset and Before Sunrise. Her own film combined Woody Allen neuroses,

broad French farce and an unrelenting unpleasantness. All three of those qualities are amplified in Delpy’s sequel, which reverses the formula by bringing her family to New York, where she now lives with her new boyfriend, a talkradio host played by Chris Rock. Much of the attempted humor stems from the family’s failure not only to speak English, but to understand basic human interaction, overshooting comedy into the realm of unlikability. Rock stares with bug-eyed horror and standup one-liners, while Delpy is simply frazzled. —Shaun Brady (Ritz Five)

THE APPARITION A haiku: A gnarly demon is unleashed after a bunk experiment. Balls! (Pearl)

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD|B Beasts of the Southern Wild is a gorgeous thing, set in an impoverished Southern area called the Bathtub. It’s there that a spirited 6-year-old named Hushpuppy (Quvenzhané Wallis) makes her home in a tree-bound trailer, connected by zip line to one occupied by her alcoholic father (Dwight Henry). Captured on Super 16mm, the film’s images are warm and earthy, the colors rich and saturated as if the print had been dug up from a particularly loamy patch of ground. But the beauty is troubling — not simply because it runs the risk of aestheticizing rural poverty, but because director Benh Zeitlin and his collaborators seem heedless of the possibility. Beasts is a movie eminently worth seeing, but surrendering to its spell is as dangerous as trusting in government-built levees. —SA (Ritz Five)

THE BOURNE LEGACY|BThe Bourne Legacy approaches the black-ops misgivings of

COMPLIANCE|A-

COSMOPOLIS|C+ Cosmopolis is doubly trapped inside Don DeLillo’s source novel and the

HIT & RUN|BDax Shepard plays Charlie Bronson, a getaway driver who is forced to enter the Witness Protection Program after he testifies against his former bank-heist accomplices. Life is idyllic for Charlie and his girlfriend Annie (Kristen Bell) until a trip to Los Angeles brings him face to face with his old gang. The problem with Hit & Run is that it doesn’t know what it wants to be. The drama undercuts the comedy and vice versa, leaving neither strong enough to carry the film. Fortunately, it succeeds in offering exciting car chases that, at their best, approach Bullitt-grade intensity. This achievement is heightened by the fact that Shepard does all his own stunts, lending the film’s action scenes an air of authenticity. But no matter how great Shepard’s driving skills, he still needs a crash course in storytelling. —Michael Blancato (Pearl) THE IMPOSTER|B+ Director Bart Layton’s debut featurelength documentary tells the story of

KILLER JOE|AIn Killer Joe, desperate, weaselly Chris (Emile Hirsch) pitches his father, Ansel (Thomas Haden Church), a plan to murder his mother and his father’s ex-wife for the insurance money. The

LAWLESS|B+ The uninitiated baby in a family with white lightning coursing through its veins, Jack Bondurant (Shia LaBeouf) wants to be bad, so he dips his ladle into a rushing river of cash by fostering sales relationships with big-city gangsters. There are fistfights and shootouts and brutal knifings galore as Jack and his brothers defend their turf from mob goons. It’s the brothers and their very real, very strained connections that temper the radioactive testosterone levels, but it’s LaBeouf ’s chip-on-the-shoulder seizing of the put-upon little brother, so eager to prove he’s as gallant as the siblings he’ll always rank below, that makes the most of this stylish opportunity.—DL (Pearl) PARANORMAN|B+ Norman (voiced by Kodi Smit-McPhee) can see and talk with the dead, a “gift” that makes him an outcast with his peers but which he handles with a loner’s equanimity. As he walks to school, greeting the ghosts that crowd the streets of his neighborhood, a somber tone is established that’s an even greater contrast to the antic, pop-culture-savvy tone struck by most modern animated films. Norman is eventually called upon to battle a witch’s curse placed upon his hometown, a Salem-

[ movie shorts ]

like tourist trap that cynically celebrates its infamous history but isn’t prepared to confront its realities when a gaggle of Puritan zombies suddenly rise from their graves. The humor lags well behind the gorgeous visuals, but there’s no shortage of stunning detail to admire even in the most tired sight gags. —SB (Pearl)

ROBOT AND FRANK|BFrank Langella plays as an eponymous retired jewel thief who receives a robot from his son, Hunter (James Marsden). Frank initially despises the bot, but eventually the machine becomes not only his pal but an accomplice in one last small-scale heist. The concepts of augmented reality, parental relationships and the philosophy of a robot’s very existence are all touched upon in a manner suited to a story that does its best to tie the plotline’s threads together, with questionable results. “I don’t want to talk about how you don’t exist,” Frank tells the robot. “It’s making me uncomfortable.” —Jodi Bosin (Ritz Five)

SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN|BThe story, an incredible one, is that of Sixto Rodriguez, a Detroit singersongwriter who made two albums of

instrument of their theoretical misdeed is Matthew McConaughey’s morally flexible police detective Joe Cooper. The only character who challenges Joe’s ice-cold calculation is Sharla (Gina Gershon), Ansel’s manipulative second wife, and she pays dearly for it in a prolonged final scene that shifts the film from ink-black comedy to brutal spectacle. Director William Friedkin’s playing mumblety-peg, and the slightest slip risks catastrophe. But it’s a thrill to watch him venture so close to the edge,

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The disturbing prank phone call that inspired Compliance, in which a McDonald’s manager in Kentucky strip-searched an employee at the behest of a caller posing as a police officer, was the last of more than 70 similar real-life incidents that occurred in the U.S. over the course of nearly a decade. Middle-aged manager Sandra (Ann Dowd) is overwhelmed and insecure, determined both to establish her authority and to fit in with her much younger employees. The teens, including the victim herself, combine a disdain for authority with a fear and trust of it, implicating the adults around them in their complicity. Dowd plays the manager’s limited intelligence, easily flattered ego and desperate submission to supposed authority so convincingly that the obvious question — how could anyone let things go this far? — is answered effectively, if not reassuringly. —SB (Ritz at the Bourse)

A haiku: Alas, poor Statham We only pray you turn down Expendables 3. (Not reviewed) (Pearl)

mixing a young man’s heedlessness and an old man’s outrage. —SA (Ritz Five)

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The premise of Celeste and Jesse Forever — a couple working to make sure their divorce doesn’t ruin their friendship — follows optimistic pair Celeste (writer Rashida Jones) and Jesse (Andy Samberg), who are still living together six months after their separation. Things go swimmingly until Jesse starts dating a former onenight stand, forcing a rebound-driven Celeste to go on a slew of uncomfortable, half-hearted first dates. It’s hilariously touching to watch her trying to hold on to her dignity, whether she’s passed out at a pool party or giving a tear-jerking speech at her best friend’s wedding. We feel for her, though the film’s ending winds up feeling too tidy for all the emotional sturm und drang. —Frida Garza (Ritz East)

THE EXPENDABLES 2

Frédéric Bourdin, the mad Frenchman who assumed the identity of a missing boy from San Antonio, Texas, in the late 1990s. In the beginning of the film, Layton paints a picture of “Bourdin the culprit,” using firsthand accounts of the crime from Bourdin and presenting interviews with investigators in charge of the case. The film switches gears in the second half, however, with home-movie footage of Bourdin arriving in the U.S. in the guise of Nicholas Barclay, who’d gone missing at age 13 three years prior. The execution is stark, using a palette of somber brown and blue tones to paint a complex, twisted world that Layton manages to make accessible, presenting facts without exploiting them.—FG (Ritz at the Bourse)

a&e

CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER|A-

stretch limousine belonging to billionaire finance whiz Eric Packer (Robert Pattinson). Exploring what Eric calls “the intersection of technology and culture,” Cosmopolis plays out as a series of stilted two-handers. “Money,” Samantha Morton’s advisor explains, “has lost its narrative qualities,” and so has the film, at least until the much-needed jolt of the final reel, when Paul Giamatti’s desperate assassin finally shows his sweat-streaked face. It’s a masterful finish to what up to that point feels like a pure exercise, doubtless more thrilling for the utter airlessness of what precedes it. —SA (Ritz at the Bourse)

the naked city | feature

our government through the unblinking eyes of a new conflicted killing machine: Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner). While Matt Damon played his amnesiac ass-kicker lethally straight, Renner’s Cross is as flip as he is fast, wise-cracking through his tasks as a patriotic “sin eater” while working to understand why his creators have turned on him. Teaming with Dr. Marta Shearing (Rachel Weisz), v2.0 is a formidable physical foil for his predecessor, but director Tony Gilroy doesn’t give him many chances to show off. Renner is more than capable of manning the wheel of this well-loved franchise, but we need less boring bureaucracy and more blows to the body. —Drew Lazor (Pearl)

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“THE FEELING YOU GET FROM IT IS THAT ALMOST NOTHING IS TAKEN FOR GRANTED, THAT NEW MODELS OF STORYTELLING AND EXPRESSION ARE IN THE PROCESS OF BEING INVENTED.” – A.O. Scott, THE NEW YORK TIMES

“INDISPENSABLE FILMMAKING. Hang on. You're in for a bumpy ride.” – Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

COMPLIANCE www.compliancemovie.com www.facebook.com/ComplianceO

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Handheld cameras and special effects narrow the focus onto the stars, evoking a style forgotten in most of today’s mainstream films. Unfortunately, the talented cast can’t make up for missed opportunities in the writing. A dramatic first half brings out the best in the players, but interest wanes as the focus becomes more about Sparkle’s pursuits, leaving other, more interesting, stories fizzling in the background. —Andrew Wimer (Pearl)

✚ REPERTORY FILM AMBLER THEATER

[ movie shorts ]

with a murdered woman’s portrait in this noir thriller. Sun., Sept. 2, 2 p.m., $8.

DOCK STREET BREWING COMPANY 701 S. 50th St., 215-726-2337, dockstreetbeer.com. The Endless Summer (1966, U.S., 95 min): Surfing-documentary master Bruce Brown searches for the perfect wave in a town littered with eccentrics. Sept. 4., 8 p.m., free.

SCHUYLKILL BANKS

108 E. Butler Ave., Ambler, 215-3457855, amblertheater.org. North by Northwest (1959, U.S., 136 min): Mistaken for a secret agent by spies, pre-Mad-Men-era ad man Cary Grant hightails it across America. Thu., Aug. 30, 7 p.m., $9.75.

Walnut Street Bridge, 215-222-6030, schuylkillbanks.org. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000, U.S., 133 min.): In this bluegrass-heavy update of Homer’s Odyssey, three prisoners go on the lam in a homeward-bound journey across the Depression-era South. Thu., Aug. 30, 7:30 p.m., free.

AWESOME FEST

UNKNOWN JAPAN

Submit snapshots of the City of Brotherly Love, however you see it, at:

Liberty Lands, 926 N. American St., theawesomefest.com. The Wizard (1989, U.S., 100 min.): Also known as the world’s longest Nintendo advertisement. (See pg. 27) Thu., Aug. 30, 8 p.m., free.

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THE BALCONY

The Bellevue, 200 S. Broad St., seventh floor, unknown-japan.com. Summer Vacation — 1999 (1988, Japan, 90 min.): Three orphan boys with nowhere else to go spend a summer living at their empty boarding school, where they argue over the recent suicide of a classmate until a new student who looks exactly like him turns up. (And for some reason, the boys are played by women.) Wed., Sep. 5, 7:30 p.m., free.

Show us your Philly.

26 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

introspective, psychedelic soul music: Cold Fact and Coming From Reality. Two decades later, long after Rodriguez dropped out of sight and possibly died, those unknown albums were embraced by the South African freedom movement, becoming the soundtrack of a struggle half a world away and elevating him to the status of an absent figurehead. Director Malik Bendjelloul is so insistent about the story’s extraordinary nature that you can't help but wonder if he’s cooking the books, a suspicion that pays off when a late-film twist reveals he’s essentially been leading his audience astray. Pulling drama out of the material is one thing, but ginning it up wholesale blurs the line between storytelling and simple fraud. —SA (Ritz Five)

SPARKLE|B Sparkle, a remake of a 1976 film of the same name, follows three fatherless African-American sisters whose attempts at becoming a Motown girl group are met with strife. American Idol spawn Jordin Sparks takes center

stage as Sparkle, whose presence is helped by an ensemble of exceptional performances, especially producer/pop icon Whitney Houston as Bible-thumping, you-better-not-look-at-me-sideways mother Emma, Carmen Ejogo as drug-addicted Sister and Mike Epps as her abusive boyfriend Satin.

1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc. com. Donnie Darko (2001, U.S., 113 min.): Donnie escapes death by falling plane fuselage, but can he get over his visions of large, hideous, doom-speaking bunnies? Chut up! Tue., Sept. 4, 8 p.m., $3.

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f&d

foodanddrink

portioncontrol By Adam Erace

LOCAL SAVOR ³ THERE’S USUALLY REVERENCE on the

lips when one speaks of the Philadelphia restaurant renaissance, the circa-1970 heyday of Frog, Friday Saturday Sunday, Astral Plane and Le Bec (the first one), but a new cookbook, Philadelphia Chef’s Table (Lyon Press, Sept. 4), says we’re living, right this very minute, in a second golden age. “The book’s introduction makes the argument that this era in Philadelphia dining, roughly 1998 to present, starting with Buddakan, Rouge and Vetri, will be recognized as the city’s second restaurant renaissance and is redefining how the country thinks about Philadelphia food,” says author April White. Subtitled “Extraordinary Recipes from the City of Brotherly Love,” Chef’s Table is the second cookbook from White, who co-authored Jose Garces’ formidable Latin Evolution in 2008 while editing the food section of Philadelphia magazine. She’s now the communications manager for the Food Trust, penning Night Market press releases between testing recipes from Michael Solomonov, Peter Woolsey, Pierre Calmels and other local chefs, 57 in total, for Chef’s Table. “This book is the closest you can get to having all of the city’s best chefs and bartenders in your kitchen,” says White. “That’s the real ‘why,’ I suppose: This book was an excuse for me to talk food with the city’s best and learn from them and their recipes.” The chefs’ most popular dishes, ones we’ve all gushed and obsessed and drooled over — what up, Dandelion fish and chips! — preen on the pages, lusciously photographed by Jason Varney. Divided into starters and snacks, soups and salads, pastas, entrees and desserts, the recipes come from a roll call of the some of the city’s best places to eat: Barbuzzo (bruschetta with stracciatella), The Farm and Fisherman (bluefish confit), Han Dynasty (dan dan noodles), Pub and Kitchen (roast chicken with Irish soda biscuits), Franklin Fountain (hot fudge sundae). Curious how to recreate the rich and briny fisherman’s egg at Bistrot La Minette? It’s in here. Oyster House’s signature oyster stew? That too, along with recipes from sorely missed favorites you might have never tasted again otherwise. Remember James’ pappardelle with duck, chocolate and orange (one of White’s favorites, along with Zahav’s chicken freekeh and Guapos Tacos’s carnitas)? With Chef’s Table, it needn’t just be an ephemeral memory. “I am so glad I didn’t let Jim Burke get away without sharing that ragu recipe,” says White. And so are we. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

ANOTHER MINUTE, PLEASE: Strawberries, Robiola and balsamic onions top a not-quite-thereyet wood-fired crust. NEAL SANTOS

[ review ]

ON ITS EAR The not-so-modern Italian fare is in serious need of a mood-booster at Spiga. By Adam Erace

SPIGA | 1305 Locust St., 267-273-1690, spigaphiladelphia.com. Open

Mon.-Thurs., noon-10 p.m.; Fri., noon-11 p.m.; Sat., 5-11 p.m. Appetizers, $10-$15; entrees, $15-$26; pizzas, $12-$15; desserts, $6-$8.

hef Brian Wilson lives by a motto: “Your mood is your food.” A hokey one, perhaps, but I can respect it. It’s a Like Water for Chocolate approach to cooking, in which a cook’s emotions season a recipe as much as salt and pepper. Spiga, a handsome three-month-old venture from Wilson and the Le Castagne crew — Wilson’s been the chef there for 11 years — should have his mental More on: state running on a new-restaurant high, but the night I visited, his mood must have been very foul. Because the food certainly was. Take the polenta fries, my first bite at Castagne’s casual little bro, self-styled as a place for “modern Italian dining.” I’ve never met ones I didn’t like, until I met Spiga’s. Stuck in a blob of garlic aioli as thick as cement, these limp, sad sticks had the color of wax and the constitution of Twizzlers. They ached for salt, as did their compatriots, a series of small, Italian-ish “assagi” snacks Spiga serves in groups of three for $15 and five for $20.

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Dabbed with reduced balsamic, seasoned bread-crumb-crusted fried heirloom tomatoes and cool, wood-grilled zucchini roll-ups with lemon-and-thyme ricotta joined the fries on a long, dimpled plate, the least-violent offenders of the tapas. A crock of woodroasted eggplant caponata, meanwhile, lacked both the campfire aroma suggested by its cooking method and the sweet-and-sour wallop suggested by its name. (I dare say Wilson’s nonna’s slowly stewed version, which inspired this dry one, is probably far better.) Stale crostini grew frostbitten in a bowl of chilly white-bean spread blasted with truffle paste and rosemary. It tasted like a truffled cleaning product. Modern Italian dining? Maybe in 1999. Maybe in Marlton. But this is the big, bright city, and it’s 2012, and when Amis and Le Virtù and Barbuzzo and Modo Mio and Santucci’s and Osteria and so many others are all doing interesting, creative, artisanal things within the Italian tradition, how do you clear a place at the table for weak caponata and poorly seasoned MORE FOOD AND polenta fries? DRINK COVERAGE The friendly, pretense-free service makes AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / Spiga’s strongest case. Our server, also M E A LT I C K E T. the bartender, bounded like an earnest Labrador between the reclaimed Burlington County black-walnut bar and the flanking high-tops positioned within view of the latest Phillies shitshow. Cheery staff zipped between the windowencased dining room overlooking Locust Street and the back of the space, home to a pizza station equipped with a wood-burning oven and a kitchen that’s not so much open as it is doorless. You can see right in. I couldn’t get an eye on the salt cellar, but I imagined it to >>> continued on adjacent page

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â&#x153;&#x161; On Its Ear <<< continued from previous page

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be filled to the top. Salt might have made my pizza passable, even good, but without it, even ingredients as outgoing as sliced strawberries, balsamic onions and Robiola seemed muted, flabby and flat. The pie needed another minute in the oven, or a hotter oven in general, to blister the crust and provide a fuller wood-fired flavor. The pizza may have been a passive-aggressive flop, but at least it didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t launch a full-on attack against the taste buds. Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t say the same for the crespelle, a pair of lumpy, bloated crepes so pale they appeared to be made of rice paper. A speedier take on his grandmotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s manicotti, the thin, open-ended triangles wept a runny lemon, thyme and white-wine sauce inelegantly creamed with mascarpone, an ill-advised flow sweeping up wisps of sauteed onion, chopped shrimp and cubed zucchini like wreckage in an angry flood. The garnish, julienned strips of tomato arranged in an X atop each crespella, was the unhip cherry on this ugly sundae. Unfortunately, unbelievably, the pasta was not the worst thing I ate at Spiga. That dubious honor belongs to the coasters of cotechino arrayed over green lentils. Crowned with a fried egg, the composition echoed Modo Mio, while the texture of the sausage slices echoed Modo Alpo. Wilson poaches and chills the cotechino before slicing and searing, but that last step (which would provide some critical textural contrast) appeared to have been forgotten on my plate; the thick forcemeat rounds glowed virgin pink, no sign of caramelization anywhere. Remember the Play-Doh barbershop, how the â&#x20AC;&#x153;hairâ&#x20AC;? would sprout from the holes in the characterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s head? Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what happened when I pressed my fork into the coarse-ground mush of the cotechino. It was like warm raw meat in the mouth, pasty and slick and rather revolting, but hey, at least the lentils underneath were really good. Dessert brought a trio of deconstructed cannoli: smart vanilla, pistachio and chocolate ricotta layered between postage stamps of house-made shell. The tiny Napoleons shimmered with a fine dew, and the shells had lost their trademark snap, leading me to believe they were made ahead of time and refrigerated. (Wilson says no, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re assembled to order.) Redemption came on the back of the tiramisu cheesecake. Spigaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s version cuts a generous wedge fenced in by espresso-soaked ladyfingers, its coffee-spiked creamcheese-and-mascarpone base dense, woven with ground espresso and not too sweet. It was the best thing I ate here, possibly even good enough to come back for. As for the rest of the food, I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t say Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be rushing back. Mood is your food? Consider mine spoiled. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

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I woke up were were next to me and I was hungry for kisses. Even though I didn’t brush my teeth the night before you indulged me all the same. It maybe wasn’t the way either of us expected to spend our one-month anniversary. But, I’m glad I woke up next to you, even if I have no idea how you put up with my sorry ass. Yours as long as you’ll have me. Wubby

LOW CLASS HUMAN GARBAGE You fucking low class pieces of shit. You expect so much to be given to you and for people to bend over backwards and lick your balls. You are rude, belligerent, and completely unaware what fucking

MY FUTURE HUBBY Man I can’t believe that it’s almost time! Meeting you was the best thing to ever happen. The long walks, the initmate chats....incredible. When I first met you I wasn’t even thinking about dating you... I only saw you as “one of those guys” and even after one of your friends spoke up for you and asked me for my number for you, I gave it to him knowing that I was never going to call it and what caught me off guard was when you called me first! HaHa! After our first conversation my whole metality changed about you and from then on out from first date to meeting my family and shocklngly proposing last summer, believe me babe, you are one of the

STOP BITCHING! You are getting on my nerves you think that you aren’t but you are! I am really tired of hearing your mouth, then you stink, then you are just a lonely fuck! Get yourself together because I am just done with your mouth! Can you just jump in someone’s fucking sewer or something so I don’t have to see your loyal stupid ass! How about being loyal to yourself! Dummy!

STOP STARING at me! I am sick and tired of your employees staring at me when I come into your high-priced establishment. I don’t want to steal your high priced chips or cookies it isn’t that serious. If you want to stare at something stare at the dirty ass floor you have in there. You floor needs to be moped. I should be smart when I come into you store and just take the bag of chips and soda because you are staring. Give you something to do and chase after.

I’M WALKING past a beefy, pale bro wearing camo shorts and a cut-off tank around 22nd & South. I’m hypnotized by the trite Love statue spoof design on his shirt, I look at it for about two seconds in passing. “No offense,” he says, as if I had propositioned him. None taken, homophobe. Even if I were gay I would prefer Latino men, not your boy scout, fetishizing, constipated grey aura exuding ass. I can’t wait to leave for SF!

STUPID BITCH! You are so stupid I hate your jealous ass! Are you that jealous that I have a child you stupid bitch! I want to put all your information on the internet! I hate the fact that you are dying to see what my child looks like but is your stupid ass taking care of him? No, you aren’t so why do you want to keep pestering me! Get your own fucking life! I hate you and keep this in mind you will never see my child nor put your fat digusting hands on him either!

IF YOU CALL LEAVE A MESSAGE What the fuck is it with people that keep calling and don’t leave a damn message! I am tired of this shit, then I call you back and you don’t answer the fucking phone you stupid bitch! How about putting a fucking voicemail on your phone! Who has a damn phone and doesn’t put the voicemail on the shit! You stupid cunt, and by the way stop worrying about what me and my family are doing! It doesn’t fucking concern!

THE FAT BITCH

Hey bitch you stupid ass why the fuck do you keep stopping down to see me and I didn’t invite you! I don’t like your needy ass you need to step the fuck off and get a life! I have my own life and you need to get yours. You need to do what you have to do and stay out of everyone’s business. I hate you I think you are a fucking leach!

LAST NIGHT

TO THE GIRL I LOVED rare last few good guys in this world. I’m glad that you were introduced to me, I’m proud that we are still going strong minus the Bul-ish and I can’t wait to be your Mrs. in October. Always & Forever yours.

STOP ALREADY You get mad so fast at me for no dam reason, and it actually doesn’t make any sense to me what-soever! I think that it is a fucking game with you all the time! You just don’t know what I did behind your back and will continue to do if you make me mad! Yeah the guy came over my house and ate me

To the girl I loved, you broke me in a unfathomable way. It has been six months now since you rammed that dagger into my heart and still I feel it burn. I loved you for nearly five years, I gave you everything, brought your tampons, took you out to dinner, made you achieve climax, yet still you saw fit to leave me for some fucking loser. You turned every good memory we had into a symbol of torment. I regret ever loving you. ✚ ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

scumbags you are. Our only way to fight back against you hoard of shit-heads is to be as rude as possible and not cater to a single need of yours. Yet you come back, you give us your money and pay our ridiculous prices. You sit and bitch about the music week after week. You are too fucking stupid to realize we don’t cater to you anymore. The only satisfaction I get is knowing that you dense fucks are dumb enough to drop your not so hard earned money to get shitty service, horrible music, and a filthy atmosphere week after week, I hope you all drink and smoke yourselves into a fucking never ending coma.

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A U G U S T 3 0 - S E P T E M B E R 5 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

To the fat bitch who came into my shop on 8/21/12 at about 8:30 in the morning, let me school you a bit, it’s people like YOU that make it bad for all the rest of us who are hardworking, taxpaying individuals. What does it say about you, your character and your upbringing that you would come into a place of business and fuck up the displays, put shit back in the wrong place, stack merchandise where you didn’t find it and just generally be a jackass? You are a disgrace to hardworking women everywhere. Go home, take that tacky, fake hair off, take off those ridiculous looking eyelashes and start over, hom. Try to act with some honor and dignity and perhaps, the next time you go into a place of business, you might get some respect (because I’m sure you act the same way wherever you go and are treated with the same level of disgust).

KEEP YOUR ASS HOME!

I drunky-monkey stumbled into your apartment and the first thing on my mind was testing out your new mattress. I lay in it for a minute, savoring the firmness until you made me get up. While you were driving me home I remember saying something dickish when you said you wanted to go to one of the parties all those kids were heading to. After we parked I wanted to drunky-monkey stumble across Broad Street and lectured you about the fact that it was late enough that, after a second or two, there’s no traffic and what does it matter if we’re not in the crosswalk. I remember sitting with the dog and not much else except you guiding me to bed and giving me four glasses of water and going off to clean my kitchen. As I slept I dreamt we got a pig, fully intended to raise it and eat it, but we fell in love with it, and the pig slept with us in our bed until we left it in the care of your roommate—and my bes friend—and he butchered it and told us he knew we couldn’t handle it. When

the fuck out! With no problem I know if you found that out you would be furious! You know what I could care less!

classifieds

I have been dying to send this, in hopes of you one day recognizing it’s about you. Unfortunately your so fucking stupid you probably wont notice. First off, stop calling yourself a father. All you’ve ever been is a sperm donor. You do not support your child emotionally, physically or financially. If you died today I wouldn’t shed a tear or mourn for a minute. In fact, it would be like winning the lottery. Do us all a favor and just stay out our lives (that includes your egomaniac, annoying fuck of a mother.) YES the same mother who left you & now thinks she can help raise MY child. Lastly, if you decide to slit my tires, key my car, break into my house again you better watch your back. I pray to God the next batch of drugs you buy sends you to your grave. :)

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

[ i love you, i hate you ]

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city

jonesin’

22 26

27 31

By Matt Jones

classifieds

“THAT SHOW IS SO CORNY” — AS IS THIS CROSSWORD

✚ ACROSS

make a real connection

44 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

A U G U S T 3 0 - S E P T E M B E R 5 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

Call Livelinks. The hottest place to meet the coolest people.

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___-stealer Fridge stickers 1992 Madonna album Arctic herd Corny game show set on city streets? Carbon-14, for one East, in Germany Drag (around) Extremely cold Corny reality show set all over the world, with “The”? Legendary king of Crete Deschanel of New Girl More slippery and gooey ___-cone Typical guy on romance novel covers With 39-across, corny buddy cop show? See 37-across “Andre the Giant ___ Posse” Get some grub Little party Magazine that popularized the term “crowdsourcing” Name of three Shakespearean title kings Corny coming-of-age dramedy? Label for Arab meat dealers Obedience school lesson Kaczynski or Koppel Home perm brand

61 And all these corny TV shows are brought to you by ... 64 Plants the grass after it dries out, say 65 Slowly slide into chaos 66 The O in Jackie O 67 Actress Chabert

✚ DOWN 1 Mrs.’s counterparts, in Mexico 2 Family played by Alexander, Stiller and Harris 3 Biblical verb ending 4 CNN’s ___ Robertson 5 2011 outbreak cause 6 Sprint competitor, once 7 Some batteries 8 Just barely awake and functioning 9 Fertilizer component 10 Virus named for a Congolese river 11 Subject of debate 12 Rain-unfriendly material 13 Earth Day prefix 14 Rife with conversation 20 Cheap cars of the 1990s 23 Chaplin actress Kelly 24 “Hey, wait ___!” 25 New Rochelle, N.Y. college 26 Some Chryslers 27 ___ pit 28 Letter after theta 31 Major German river, in German 33 More bashful 34 Subway barrier 35 Rehab participant

36 38 40 43 45 46 48 49 50 51 52 56 57 59

Between S and F on a laptop 36 inches Qatar’s capital Concert concession stand buys Howling beasts Like jerky Top-to-bottom, informally Tony-winning actress Uta ___ Actress Donovan of Clueless Cardiff is there Lucy’s friend, on I Love Lucy One of the deadly sins Turn green, perhaps First name in The Last King of Scotland 60 Season opener? 62 Eggs, to a biologist 63 Leather shoe, for short

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We have two rooms left at â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Commons Around The Cornerâ&#x20AC;? We are Temple Medical grad students looking for others to share this great!!! Place. Furnished live rm, dine rm, study loft, 2 open master bedrooms w/ private bath. We have private back patio w/ seating and gas grill, free laundry w/ fold down ironing board, guest powder rm at first floor, hardwood floors, walk to hospital around the corner. Quiet nice local neighbors. Do not miss this place. Do not judge a book by itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cover. safe secure, spectacular and you can share it with us. What more can you want. Home-away-from-home. You call landlord Jeff 215-8050746 come join us!!!

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A U G U S T 3 0 - S E P T E M B E R 5 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | 45

POWER WASHING! Concrete, Houses & Decks. The

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the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

Adoptions

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

merchandise market BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826 CABINETS SOLID MAPLE Brand new soft close/dovetail. Fits 10’x10’ kitchen. More cabinets if needed. Cost $6,400. Sell $1,595. 610-952-0033

BD a Memory Foam Mattress/BoxsprIng Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399. 610-952-0033

BED: New Queen Pillow Top Set $150 . twin, full, king avail. Del avl 215-355-3878 Bedroom Set 5 pc. brand new $399 All sizes, Del. Avail. 215-355-3878

2012 Hot Tub/Spa. Brand New! 6 person w/lounger, color lights, 30 jets, stone cabinet. Cover. Never installed. Cost $6K. Ask $2,750. Will deliver. 610-952-0033.

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $

* * * 215-200-0902 * * *

personals

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ REALLY PAID

** Bob 610-532-9408 ***

Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-689-8476

M. Jones; return merchandise, not yours, Ocean Hill PT, return immediately. -The Don

Coins, Currency, Gold, Toys,

Trains, Hummels, Sports Cards. Call the Local Higher Buyer, 7 Dys/Wk

jobs

Dr. Sonnheim, 856-981-3397

Diabetic Test Strips, $$ Cash Paid $$ Nicotine Patches, Gum. Highest Prices Paid. For pick up Call 215-395-7100

JUNK CARS WANTED We buy Junk Cars. Up to $300 215-888-8662 Lionel/Am Flyer/Trains/Hot Whls $$$$ Aurora TJet/AFX Toy Cars 215-396-1903

Housekeeper / Aide: Sun 7:30a-3:30pm and Wed. 5pm-10pm. Must be exp’d driver w/valid driver’s license, refs req’d, nonsmoking home. $12/hr Background chk, Yardley, PA. 267-392-5539

A U G U S T 3 0 - S E P T E M B E R 5 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

46 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

pets/livestock

Siamese Kittens m/f applehead, purebred, Health Guar. $300+ 610-692-6408

Australian Shepherd Puppies, AKC & ASCA, show lines $800. 215-345-9562 Boston Terrier Pups, ACA, adorable, shots and wormed, $775. Call 610-286-9076 Boxer AKC Boxer Pups - www.stewartsboxers.com or call 484-824-4013 Boxer pups, ACA, family raised, vet checked, shots, fawn & brindle, $600. Call (717)442-8720 ext 2

Cavalier Puppies - (215) 538-2179 www.willowspringcavaliers.com Chihuahua Pups ACA long & short coat $575. 484-769-8926 will meet halfway

COCKAPOO PUPPIES - Shots and wormed, 8 weeks old, variety of colors, $350-$450. Call 717-786-8127 DACHSUNDS 3 months old males/ females, standard, black, paperwork/1st shots, $250/$300. 215-880-5551

Dogue De Bordeaux pups, M & F, 3 mo. old, $1000-$1500. Call 484-324-5022

ENGLISH BULLDOG - Beautiful family raised litter. Ready 8/20, reserve yours now! $1800 717-799-6155. English Bulldog Pups, 6 wks, vet, shots, dewormed. 215-696-5832 (Bensalem) ENGLISH BULLDOG PUPS AKC, 8 wks, champ bloodlines, $2200. 215-869-7757 German Shepherd, pups AKC, ready 9/8, s/w, vet chkd, $600, 717-687-7218

German Shepherd pups, large boned, great guard dogs, s & w, ready, $300-$400. Call (215)280-8020 German Shepperd pups, ACA reg., health gaur. $475, 610-913-0393

German Shep Pups, Euro Blood, pa rents imported, AKC. $900. 856-745-3180 GERMAN SHORT HAIR POINTER Pups AKC, 4 M $500, 3 F $550, 215-331-1460 Golden Retriever Pups AKC, M&F, vet check, home raised, $575. 267-980-8027

GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPS - B o r n 7/17/12, parents AKC & Penn. Certified, 1st shots & wormed, socialized & happy, $750/ea. Call (610) 209-0248 Havanese Pups AKC, home raised. 262-993-0460, www.noahslittleark.com Lab Pups 100% GUAR. READY NOW, MUST COME SEE!!! 215-768-4344 LAB PUPS $650 AKC 7 wks, yel M/F, 1st shots, home raised 856-332-1549 or 856-697-3073

Business Manager

Harrisburg, PA School District

Harrisburg School Dist., budget $137 million, seeks Business Administrator with urban school exp. to manage fiscal programs. Must be skilled in budgeting, financial planning & knowledge of legislation related to school funding, accounting & reporting. Min. 5 yrs exp. as a school business mgr. PRSBA preferred. Apply online at www.hbgsd.k12.pa.us. EOE

Teller (P/T)

Requirements include: Good oral & written communication skills, & basic computer skills. Prior cash handling exp pref. Fax resume 202-7372992 or email greynolds@dvafcu.org

Maltese Maltipoo Pups $500 -7 to 8 lb litter. $600-5 to 6 lb litter. 302-525-9767 Maltese Small, 1F $595, M $495. Vet ck, 1 shots, home raised. Ann 215-704-7844 PITBULL PUPPIES, Blue, $650-$800, 267-688-6450

ELECTRICAL ENGINEER

Primary office in Southern Maine, but location flexible

Oak Point Associates, a fully integrated A/E firm with diverse multi-disciplined projects throughout the Northeast, seeks an Electrical Engineer with strong facilities, power and lighting design experience. PE preferred. EOE. jobs@oakpoint.com www.oakpoint.com

Electrical Estimator DVA Fed. Cred. Union Phila, PA

everything pets Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

jobs

apartment marketplace

CREDIT / COLLECTIONS SPECIALIST

Camden County, NJ

Contractor seeks an electrical estimator with experience in Transmission Line & Distribution systems. Salary commensurate with experience. Send resume to: enrcontracting@aol.com

Quality Assurance Manager Collingswood, NJ

One of the largest Veal and Lamb processing facilities is seeking an individual responsible for overseeing all areas of Quality Control functions Portuguese Water Dog Puppies for Sale North Philadelphia $2200, 3 males bl & wh curly, excellent Well established North Philadelphia for two facilities. The Candidate purebred AKC lineage. 570 474-9675 Manufacturing Co looking for an ex- must have the ability to ensure comRottweiler 2F, 11 wks, vet chkd, shots, perienced Credit / Collections Spe- pliance with all USDA regulatory wormed, health guar. $600. 610.857.2726 cialist. The individual will be respon- guidelines and be capable of implesible for all aspects of receivables, menting GFSI standards for our faincluding credit approval of new cus- cilities. tomers, periodic credit review of exRottweiler pups, large breed, champ isting customers, cash application The Candidate will also be responsilines, 1st & 2nd shots, wormed, AKC, with and dispute resolution. Additional re- ble for annual training of our staffon papers. $1000. Call (215)538-7343 sponsibilities include sales analysis all HACCP related programs, mainSCOTTISH TERRIER - AKC, Mrs Beasley for import forecasting. 3-5 yrs expe- taining accurate records, developrience in business to business collec- ment of programs when needed and bloodline. 8 weeks. 610-705-3322 tions, excellent verbal and written enforcement of current programs. Shih Tzu pups-hand raised, wormed, hth communication skills-required. De- The Candidate must also show the guar., good w/kids $499. (302)897-9779 gree preferred but not required. ability to supervise technicians and Whippet - AKC registered, female pet Email resume with salary require- interact with all levels of management and have excellent computer puppy available. 609-882-0436 ments to podonnell@cellucap.com and organizational skills. WHOODLE PUPS - Wheaten Terrier Hybrids, males, $475-$600. 610.248.3241

A $400 Guarantee On Any Large Vehicle We Buy Junk Cars & Trucks

Will Pick your car up within the hour Large cars drive in.

215-200-3401

CUSTOMER SERVICE Cinnaminson, NJ

Specialty Metal/Chemical Co. seeks motivated, professional w/ proven track record, 2+ yrs B-to-B sales support exp. Exp in Metals, Chemicals & Industrial Sales preferred. Full comp/benefits/401k. Fax: 856-829-2783 or email to jobopportunity@titanintl.com. www.titanintl.com

Bachelor’s Degree in related field Food Science, Meat Science or Microbiology preferred. Previous QA Management with Fresh Meat experience is required. GFSI Certified Email resume to report@catellibrothers.com

10th & Snyder 2BR 1st flr $1,100+ c/a, w/d, marble bath, jacuzzi, bsmnt, hdwd flrs, garden patio. (215)463-7374

15th & Jackson 1br Penthouse $795+util c/a, EIK, marble bath, Jacuzzi, hdwd flrs, S/S appliances, 215-463-7374

22nd and Chestnut 2br/2ba $2,800 Extra room, 1390 sqft, updated, close to train, buses, trolley. Call 267-408-0181

22xx Snyder Ave. 2BR 2nd flr, credit check 610.659.2452 9-5pm

10xx S. 60th St. 2br Large apt., references are required. Please Call 215-474-3282 after 6pm. 1100 S 58th St. 1BR & 2BR Apts heat/hw incl., lic #362013 215-744-9077 11xx S 52nd St. Lg Studio $450 1 month rent & security, 215-917-1091 12xx Wilton 2BR $700+utils 1st floor, $2100 move in, 215-365-4567 1900 S. 65th St. 2BR Apt Newly renov, Lic #400451, 215.744.9077

1x 60th & Market 4BR newly renov., Sec 8 OK.215-885-1700 1xx N. 50th St. 3br/1ba, $800 + utils. 1st, last, 1 mo security, Section 8 ok. Please call 267-720-7153 40th & Fairmount vic. 1BR $500/mo. 2nd floor back, fridge. Call 215-222-2403 4xx N 52nd St Efficiency $435+utils 3rd flr., completely renov. 267.582. 8841

5818 Vine St. Efficiency $520+util spacious, elec heat, call (215)688-1363

60xx Larchwood Efficiency $475 +utils, excellent cond 215-747-9429

45xx Walnut St. 1BR $850+utils large apt, hwd flrs, LR, DR (215) 820-0342

65xx W. Girard 2BR $775+ sec dep, w/w crpt, W/D 856-906-5216 Various Studio, 1, 2 & 3br Apts $650$895 perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900 To learn more or to find the right person for your job, visit your local partner at philly.com/monster

Balwynne Park 2br $810+ 1st flr, w/d, garage, C/A. 610-649-3836

53xx Arlington St 1br $550+utils ground floor, private entry, LR, kitch & bath, 1st, last & security. 215-877-9472

2600 block N 18th St 2br $600 +utilities 3 months move in, 267-934-1643 35xx N. 11th St 1Br $460+utils newly remodeled, call (215)917-1091

5846 N. Marvine 1br $600+utils renovated, close to trans (215)480-6460 5849 N. Camac 1BR $600+utils renovated, 267.271.6601 or 215.416.2757 59th & Chestnut 1BR/1BA $600 mo. Heat & Water Incl. $1200 move in. No pets, no Sec. 8 Near transp 215-927-1373 60XX Warnock 1 BR $595+ near Fernrock Train Station,215-276-8534

3730 N Bouvier St. Efficiency $550 2 mo. sec., 1 mo. rent, 215-275-5637

40xx N. Broad St. 2BR $625+utils Very nice 3rd floor apt. 215-836-4241

41xx Broad St. 2BR $625+utils carpeted, excellent cond 215.747.9429 9xx Block of Wayne Ave 2br $675 Heat & hot water included, 1 mo sec. dep., Call 267-495-9029

53xx Wayne Ave. 2BR $600+utils 3rd flr, new renov., no smoking or pets. Avail. immed. 267-230-0283 lv mess.

53xx Wayne Ave. 2BR $650+utils 2nd flr, new renov., EIK, no smoking or pets. Call 267-230-0283 leave mess. WAYNE AVE. 2BR $600 Newly renovated, remodeled bathroom, 1 mth rent + 1 mth security. 267-278-8212

4645 Penn St. 1BR $650. newly renov gas/wtr inc 215-781-8072 4670 Griscom 1BR & 2BR Newly renov, Lic #397063, 215.744.9077 4711 Leiper St. 1BR renovated, lic#493309 215-744-9077

16xx Mohican-W. Oak Ln 2br dplx $725+ utils,2nd flr, lg rms, avl now, 215.657.4616 81xx Rugby St. 2br/1ba $775+utils 2nd flr, hwd flrs, kitch & LR, 215.868.2751

3200 CARLISLE St 4br/1ba nr Broad/Allegheny porch, large back yd, near public trans. Call 215-725-7296 Broad and Clearfield area 2br $650 Please Call 215-479-9487 XX Allegheny Ave. 4BR $750+utils 1mo. rent & 1mo. sec. Call 215-879-5562

44xx N. Cleveland 3br/1ba $800 newly renova., sec 8 ok. (215)416-0331

Germantown 2br/1ba $650 2 months sec, 1 mo rent 267-496-5550 McMahon St. 3br/1ba $825+utils small house, quiet block, (215)849-4826

Midvale & Ridge 4br/1.5ba $1600 c/a, fin bsmt, new kitch, hdwd flrs, crpt, washer/dryer, all appl’s. (267)991-5388

12xx Columbia Ave. Studio $650+utils newly renov., upscale block, 3 blocks to Casino, Market St. El, call (484) 431-4039

3rd & Godfrey 1br +bonus rm $695+util 1.5 ba, wall to wall 267-251-5675 45xx Longshore Ave 1br/1ba $625 2nd flr, new kitch/ carpet. 267-566-0139 4647 Adams Ave Lg. 2Br Newly renov. 215-744-9077 lic#433314 5xx Gilham 1Br $575+ utils Lawndale,2nd fl,credit chk 267-977-5639 6812 Ditman St. 1 BR prkg,lndry fac.Lic# 212751. 215-744-9077 70xx Rising Sun 1br $500+utils 2br $650+utils & 9461 Woodbridge 2br $750+utils Call Tom 215-459-3564 Bustleton & Haldeman 2br Condo $895 prvt balcony w/garden view 215.943.0370 MAYFAIR - 64XX MARSDEN 2BR $695+utls, credit check 215-869-2402

Bensalem 3br/2ba $1,800 Ranch, 1 car garage, patio, basement. Call 215-768-0015

Upper Darby Effic. $495 w/w, ceiling fans, A/C, newly renov., conv. to transp. & shopping. 610-358-2438

Pottstown 2BR / 1BA $700 New carpet, W/D in unit. Call Caitlan at 917-406-2868

26xx Gordon St: Furnished rooms, utils included, $100/wk, SSI ok, 267-819-5683 38xx N. 15th: Lg furn rm, 1 week free, $105/wk, $300 sec, 267-809-7866 53xx Girard Ave: Large clean rooms $100-$110/week. Call (215) 917-1091 55/Thompson lg deluxe furn rms $110$130wk priv ent $200 sec 215-572- 8833 652 Brooklyn, $125 week. $375 to move in. Furn w/refrige, no kitch 215-781-8049 74th & Elmwood and 50th & Girard: New rooms, start $100/wk 267.784.5671 ALLEGHENY $90/wk. $270 sec dep Nr EL train, furn, quiet. 609-703-4266 Broad & Allegheny RMs rent $400-$450 & 26 CB Moore. Furnished 267-978-1487 Broad & Olney lg deluxe furn room priv ent $145 wk. Sec $200. 215-572-8833 Delaware Co. New renov, close to trans. $100/wk 1st wk FREE, 267-628-7454 E. MT AIRY-Newly renov rm, share full kit /ba $100 wk/400move in 215-264-2950

homes for rent Phila. 3BR homes for $775-$850/mo. Renovated homes for rent. Beautiful. No evictions on record. Jay 215-313-3322

908 N. 29th St lrg 4BR close to Girard College 215-744-9077

15XX S. 26TH ST 3BR All New $750+ w/w! Avail now! 215-680-7011 15xx S. Stanley St. 3BR $725+utils $2175 move-in. Sec. 8 ok. Call 267-249-6645 31xx Dickinson 3BR $675 $2,025 move in fee req. 267-249-6645 3xx Winton St. 2BR/1BA $1,200 Gorgeous recently renovated Whitman area home in beautiful neighborhood. New floors, useable basement, new amenities, great location. Call now for a showing! 484-995-0397.

1x 65th & Chester 3BR newly renov., Sec 8 OK.215-885-1700 25xx S. Gross Ave 2br $650 beautiful house, nice area 610-534-4521 26xx Sylmar St 3br/1ba $800+utils Hdwd frs, encl porch, 267-249-2506 58XX Addison St 3BR/1BA $950 Newly Remodeled SEC 8 OK. No Pets 215-942-7899 65xx Allman St. 3br $800/mo. New remod, come see! 215-463-2403 65xx S. Linmore 3br/1ba $750+util $2250 move in, avail 10/1. 215-365-4567

70xx Greenway Ave. 2BR $825 incls. heat & water, fridge. 267-600-9569

14xx N. 53rd 6br/3ba section 8 & 4br voucher ok 215-868-0481 2Br & 3Br Houses Sec. 8 welcome beautifully renovated, (267)981-2718 51xx Reno St. 2BR/1BA $700 2 story row home, porch, basement, ceiling fans, newly renov. 215-475-6095

707 N 42nd St 6-5 br voucher Section 8 welcome, 718-679-7753

Near 55th & Girard 3br $760 Clean, remod, new crpt. 267-394-0414

206 N. Simpson Street 3br/1ba $850 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

66xx Bouiver 3BR $1,000 63xx Norwood 3BR $900 newly renov., Sec 8 OK. 215-324-7514

2BR/1BA $700 Totally renov., Sec. 8 ok, rear yd. nice block, 1 mo sec dep. Tony (215) 681-8018 Frankford 4br $850 Very lrg. 1 mo sec req’d. 267-307-6964

20xx E. Firth, 2+br, Sec. 8 ok. 732-267-2190 or 215-839-9211

300 Special Edition 2008 $9000 MINT, call after noon, 215-659-8743, 215-641-0380 or 949-861-4546

Cash paid on the spot for unwanted vehicles, 24/7 pick up, 215-288-9500

Civic Coupe 2007 $8500 62k miles, blue, call 215-880-5551

JUNK CARS WANTED 24/7 REMOVAL. Call 267-377-3088

Cooper S. Hatchback 2003 $7200 htd seats, 1 owner, 101k (856)582-5580

A1 PRICES FOR JUNK CARS FREE TOW ING , Call (215) 726-9053

Solara Convertible 2008 $19,000 black, tan, excellent condition, 55K miles, leather, auto., just detailed, garage kept. Call 610-687-1540

HARLEY DAVIDSON Thunder mountain 2006, Fully customized. 4k mi. Trophy winner. $18,000/OBO. 267-254-3317

low cost cars & trucks Buick Park Avenue 1992 $1575 Insp, 99k, clean, 610.667.4829 Cadillac 1999 Sedan Deville $2975 Luxury 4 door, a/c, full power, original miles, Senior driver. DISTRESS SALE TODAY 215-629-0630 CADILLAC SEVILLE STS 1999 $4400 Exc cond silver ext, loaded 215-357-9507 Chevy Astro Deluxe Work Van 2003 with ladder rack, ice cold AC, cage/bins, nice condition, $3,975. Call 215-922-2165 Chevy Lumina 1997 $1375 Pontiac Boneville LHS 1995 $1375 Auto, a/c, Runs Excellent, 215-620-9383 DODGE CHARGER 2007 take over pyments, $349mo 215.516.9998

Ford F-150 XLT 1999 new body style, 4 wheel drive, extended cab, new tires orig miles, sac $4,985. Call 215-922-2165 Ford Taurus SE 2007 $3695 V6 white loaded 56K clean 267.592.0448 Geo Metro 1995 $1950 auto, 82k, 40mpg, runs nw 215-620-9383 Nissan Altima 2.5S 2002 $4,895 auto, sunroof, gorgeous. 610-524-8835 PONTIAC SUNFIRE 2002 $1,650 2 door, auto, loaded, clean, 215-280-4825 Subaru Outback 1998 $2,450 Needs little work. Call (267) 278-5457 Toyota Carolla 1999 $2,750 good cond., auto, A/C, PW (267)278-5457

43xx Devereaux 3BR/1.5BA $950 finish. bsmnt.,W/D. Call 215-704-4427 47xx Edmund St. 2BR Section 8 approved. Call 215-205-9910

5908 Belden St. 3br/2ba $850 nice house, Please Call (267)772-0018 63xx Crescentville 4br 2.5ba $1300+util Please call Tom 215-459-3564 Castor Garden, 6347 Horrocks st. 3BR, 1BA, fully remodeled $1,150 plus UTL, tel:610-618-6916. Lawncrest 2br/1ba Row Home $825 Fully Renovated. Call 215-852-9738 MAYFAIR 3br/1ba $875+utils washer/dryer hookups. Call 215-300-9313 Oxford Circle - 900 Carver St. 3br/1ba $850+ Porch and deck. Call 267-632-4580

Broomall 4br/2.5ba $1,500 bi-level, available now, near Blue Route, Margaret 609.298.2126 or 609.510.8090

Darby: XX N. 3rd St. 3br/1ba $930+utils XXX Darby Terrace 3br/1ba $830+utils Security deposit required, gas heat, fresh paint, new carpets & floors 215-603-0688 Sharon Hill 2br $695 2nd floor, no pets, 1 month security, 1 month rent. Call 610-586-5562

GLENSIDE 2Br/1 full Ba $1150 Tiny turn of the century TH, Acr from pk and Twp Pool, nr Library, shops & train, ctr Hall, LR, DR, Pdr rm, 2nd flr, cent A/C, BSMT. No Pets. Call 215-233-5426

Nazareth T/H 3Br/2.5Ba $1,575 & dep bsmt 1car gar 1yr lease cr & empl chk Avl 1 Sep 732.710.2553/narenkis@hotmail.com

1201 W. Chelten Ave. 1BR $625+utils. Large, 2mo. sec., avail. now. 215.287.1303 1414 W. 71st Ave 2br $800 Utils incl. Close to trans & shopping. 215-574-2111 17xx Roselyn St. 2br $750+utils section 8 ok, Call 267-249-6645 19xx Middleton St. 1br $600+utils newly renovated, new appliances, hardwood floors, near transportation & shops, Call 215-796-4108

North Philly - 13xx West Butler St. $400-$500/mo. + sec. Call 215-917-3809 N. Phila: clean, modern rms, use of kit, no drugs,reasonable rent. 215-232-2268 N Phila Furn, Priv Ent $75 & up : No drugs, SSI ok. available now 215.763.5565 Overbrook Farms $725 large, 3rd floor, parking, 267-266-1969 SW,N, W Move-in Special! $90-$125/wk Clean furn. rooms. SSI ok. 215-220-8877 Temple area rooms, 36xx N. 21st, $450$550/mo. Cable avail. (267) 597-9085 W Phila clean medium rm, pvt entr, nr tran Must be workg avl now 215-494 8794 W Phila & G-town: newly ren lg, lux rms /apts. ALL utils incl, SSI ok, 215-833-4065

15xx N. 28th St. 3+BR/1Ba $750+utils renovated, credit check, 215-464-9371

Wynnefield Woodcrest Ave. Rooms for rent, $500/mo. utils incl. 267-970-2403

Victor Loft Apts new 1Br/1Ba corner apt, avail. now. (732)232-4857 700 E. Cathedral Rd., Andorra 1BR $950, 2BR $990-$1150 Cathedral East Apt’s, across from the Andorra Shopping Ctr., Quiet & Convenient. Central A/C, balcony, updated. Must have qualified CREDIT history. see avail. apt. Alison 267-582-9554

Hunting Park: Furn. Luxury Rooms. Free utils, cable, A/C. Call 267-331-5382 MT. AIRY (Best Area) $135/week. cable, SSI ok. Call 215-730-8956

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A U G U S T 3 0 - S E P T E M B E R 5 , 2 0 1 2 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

1 BR & 2 BR Apts $725-$835 spacious, great loc., upgraded, heat incl, PHA vouchers accepted 215-966-9371 5220 Wayne Ave. Studio on site lndry, 215-744-9077, Lic# 507568 5321 Wayne Ave. Efficiency $550 1br $625. 2br $725. 215-776-6277

1x K & A 1BR newly renov., Must See 215-885-1700 31xx Frankford Ave 1br $550 utils inc. Call 267-249-6645

75xx Sherwood Rd. 3br $1,050 +utils. C/A, bsmnt, garage. 610-284-5631

Chevy Cutaway Box 2007 A/C, original miles, lite commercial, garage kept, Best offer. Call 215-629-0630

classifieds

12xx Wagner 2br $600 2nd flr, sec 8 ok. 610-623-0497 46xx N Broad St. 1br $600 +utils Call 267-249-6645

2xx W. Grange 3br/1.5ba $745+utils beautiful, priv ent., yard, 215-805-6455 2xx W Grange Ave. 1br $595+utils beautiful, priv. entrance, 215-805-6455 Broad & Cheltenham vic 2br $740+util 2nd flr, Lg kit, LR, Must see! 215.850.1649 Ogontz Ave. 2br $850+utils Large apt, near trans. (215)849-4826

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