Philadelphia City Paper, January 31st, 2013 by Philadelphia City Paper

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Send flowers for Valentines Day!

www.oldcityflowers.com 31 S. Third St. Philadelphia PA 19106

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cpstaff We made this

Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Samantha Melamed Arts Editor/Copy Chief Emily Guendelsberger Food Editor/Listings Editor Caroline Russock Staff Writers Ryan Briggs, Daniel Denvir Associate Digital Media Editor Josh Middleton Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Justin Bauer, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Ryan Carey, Mark Cofta, Jesse Delaney, Alison Dell, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Michael Gold, K. Ross Hoffman, Brian Howard, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Annette Monnier, Michael Pelusi, Elliott Sharp, Tom Tomorrow, John Vettese, Julia West, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Naveed Ahsan, Dotun Akintoye, Jessica Bergman, Catherine Haas, Zoë Kirsch, Kelly Lawler, Joseph Poteracki, Sameer Rao, Marc Snitzer, Carly Szkaradnik Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designers Brenna Adams, Matt Egger Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Office Manager/Sales Coordinator/Financial Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Senior Account Managers Colette Alexandre (ext. 250), Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Chris Scartelli (ext. 215), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Marketing/Online Coordinator Jennifer Francano (ext. 252) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel citypaper.net 123 Chestnut Street, Third Floor, Phila., PA 19106. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-7358444 ext. 241, Letters to the Editor editorial@citypaper.net, Listings Fax 215-8751800, Classified Ads 215-248-CITY, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright © 2012, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public.

contents Cop (not) out.

Naked City ...................................................................................6 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................18 Movies.........................................................................................24 The Agenda ..............................................................................26 Food & Drink ...........................................................................33 PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY EVAN M. LOPEZ DESIGN BY RESECA PESKIN

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the thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ -3 ]

City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown admits to using campaign funds to repay a personal loan from Chaka Fattah Jr. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your next mayor.

[ +1 ]

Brown and Friends of Blondell Reynolds Brown agree to pay $48,834 in fines and repayments after admitting to ethics violations. Seriously, there’s a good chance she will be the next mayor.

[ +1 ]

A video of a naked man climbing a bus in Kensington goes viral. “This seems like as good a time as any to announce my intent to seek the Republican nomination for mayor in whatever year that is supposed to happen,” says man.

[ - 10 ]

Philly TV icon Sally Starr passes away at age 90. “She was truly an inspiration to me,” says any one of the 58 porn actresses who use her name.

[ -2 ]

Police are still looking for a driver who led them on a high-speed chase before crashing his car and escaping on foot, but they did arrest his passenger. Darren Daulton.

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After two South Jersey men sue Subway for its undersized “footlong” hoagies, the sandwich chain apologizes.“We aren’t suing for an apology,” explains one complainant. “Our demands are very specific: We want about 300 1-inch mini-hoagies.”

[0]

New Jersey bans synthetic marijuana. “Only the best for my peeps,” says Jersey Devil, who is real and a pothead.

[ -1 ]

Property taxes in the Philly suburbs are expected to rise this year. Everybody in the Yardley Wawa agrees: Obamacare is somehow to blame.

[ -3 ]

Police arrest a man who said he planned to blow up the Liberty Bell with explosives he claimed were in his backpack. Good thing it was replaced with a fake a few years ago. Not kidding. It really was.

[ -4 ]

LeSean McCoy publicly feuds with the mother of his child on Twitter and encourages his followers to join in. And they do, because people are the worst.

This week’s total: -21 | Last week’s total: -7

CLOSE TO HOME: Melissa Frost spent 10 years turning this West Philly house into her dream home. Now, she’s afraid to go back there. NEAL SANTOS

[ close to home ]

SPACE INVADER A West Philly woman took in a self-described Hurricane Sandy evacuee — and then the trouble started. By Samantha Melamed

n Nov. 6, a van pulled up outside Melissa Frost’s West Philadelphia home. The driver, a 56-year-old man named Jamison Bachman, explained that he was a Hurricane Sandy refugee from Rockaway Beach in New York, where electricity had been out for more than a week. He’d seen Frost’s ad for roommates on Craigslist; his dog and two cats were in the van and he had no place to stay that night. “I had a weakness for someone who was displaced,” Frost says. “I had multiple friends lose a lot of things, if not everything, in that storm, and Mayor Bloomberg is on TV saying, ‘Let strangers stay with you.’ And I have this empty house and here’s this stranger with these pets. It seems like it’s your civic duty.” She agreed to let Bachman rent a room for the rest of November, in the house she was to share with three female roommates starting in December. This is not, however, a heartwarming story of people pulling together in a crisis. Frost quickly began to regret welcoming Bachman in — but she learned along the way that accepting even a month’s rent for one room in her house made her legally a landlord. When it comes to buyer’s remorse, landlords don’t have a lot of wiggle room. Frost left town for a couple weeks; when she returned in late Novem-

ber, things took a strange turn. The house, which she spent 10 years renovating into her “dream house,” was a mess. The floor was damaged and the door to her bedroom was broken in, she says. The conversation with Bachman grew heated, shouting turned to shoving, and Bachman informed her he had no intention of moving by Dec. 1. “He said, ‘There’s nothing you can do. As soon as you cashed that check for November, I became a tenant and you’re not going to be able to get me out.’ I ended up crying and offering to pay him to leave,” Frost says. “You feel like you’re in full possession of your home, you live in it, and then all of a sudden it totally switched. He was, like, ‘You can’t do anything. This is my house now. I’m never going to leave.’” To Frost’s disappointment, she learned that he wasn’t entirely wrong. She called the police; Bachman called them, too. Police advised Frost to seek an emergency eviction; she discovered there was no such thing. They told her to file for a protection-from-abuse order, Pennsylvania’s version of a restraining order; she then learned that PFAs are available only against relatives and sexual or intimate partners. She served Bachman with an eviction notice; he correctly informed her she’d have to take him to court. Obtaining a court date takes more than a month; appeals can drag on for a year. “The laws protect him; they don’t protect me,” Frost says. “It became clear that this was going to be a really big problem.” The situation deteriorated. In one bizarre incident, Frost says, Bachman attempted to push her down the stairs with his micro-

“He said, ‘This is my house now.’”

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wave. Bachman says only, “There was a microwave between us at one point and we had pushing back and forth.” Frost’s friend, Peter DeJong, says Bachman also pushed him multiple times with his hands and with the microwave. “He claims to have a law degree; whether he does or not, he knows how to not cross a line legally,” DeJong says. “Simple assault [such as shoving] — the District Attorney will not even look into a case like that.” Finally, Frost filed a lawsuit in Landlord-Tenant Court; Bachman filed a 26-page counterclaim for $5,000, asserting that the diminutive Frost had assaulted him, damaged his property, endangered his cat, kicked his dog, committed fraud, defamed him, breached their contract and more. He also says Frost turned off the utilities, which is against the law. (As to whether the utilities are on, Frost doesn’t know. She believes Bachman has access to the utilities because he broke into the basement. But she’s afraid to return to the house to check.) David Denenberg represented Frost at Landlord-Tenant Court, a branch of Municipal Court that Denenberg estimates sees 30,000 cases filed per year. Most of those cases never make it before a judge. Michael Carroll of Community Legal Services, which represents poor tenants, says though the laws often support tenants, “the reality that plays out is different.” He figures landlords win more than 80 percent of cases. Many tenants lose by default, while others are convinced to sign ruinous settlements by landlords’ lawyers. Bachman, though, thought the law was in his favor. He told City Paper he would have moved away, but wanted Frost to file for eviction first. “I’m happy to have her file an eviction notice. She files the filing fee, and then I piggyback on the filing fee and hit her with the counterclaim. That’s just tactics.” If it were a scam to get a couple months’ free rent — move in,

take over the house, threaten to stay forever, wait for an eviction — it would have worked. Frost’s lawyer offered him two months’ free rent if he’d leave. But Bachman, who has been involved in a number of civil suits and at least one landlord-tenant case, wanted a judge to hear his case. On Jan. 15, he got his day in court. Bachman showed up with a broken coffee maker, which he said Frost had destroyed. Frost brought Bachman’s December rent check, which she hadn’t cashed, helping her case. The coffee maker didn’t impress Municipal Court Judge Marvin Williams, who found in favor of Frost and ordered Bachman to pay Frost $1,300, the equivalent of his back rent. “I find you to be totally incredible,” the judge told Bachman. “I don’t believe a word you say — and, frankly, you’re frightening.” On Tuesday, Frost filed for possession of the house. But it could be weeks or more before she gets back in. Two of her three roommates backed out; the third, who rarely sleeps at Frost’s home, is looking for another place. Frost is renting an apartment until she can move home. She has taken a second job to cover the mortgage, rent and legal fees; a friend is setting up a website for donations (fundformelissa.tumblr.com). Frost says she’s both eager to return home and fearful of the damage she’ll find. Bachman says that he’s looking for another place, but that Frost’s back rent may be a lost cause. “I don’t have any assets in Pennsylvania, so if I decide that I don’t want to pay that judgment, she has to try to come after me. It becomes so expensive for her.” So, is there a moral to this story? Well, as Williams told Frost: “That’ll teach you about letting people into your house.” (samantha@citypaper.net)

“He knows how to not cross a line legally.”

Philadelphia, 2013 ALAN BARR

ARMS RACE ³ “YOU TELL AMERICANS they can’t have something, and they want it more,” says John Lamplugh. Last weekend, that contrarian streak worked in his favor. Lamplugh owns Appalachian Promotions, which runs gun shows at the Philadelphia National Guard Armory six times a year. The energy at the show, the first of 2013, was charged — to say the least. “You’d better have visible identification on you; things can get out of hand in there,” warned Lamplugh, a 26-year veteran of gun shows in and around Pennsylvania. He was not wrong. Lines snaked out the door; all told, more than 1,000 people attended, from senior citizens to children under 11, who were admitted free. Lamplugh credited the rise in attendance to recent national efforts to enforce gun-control laws, adding that assault-rifle sales had increased “tenfold” since President Obama was re-elected. More than 400 vendors set up tables to take advantage of the renewed demand. While most attendees came for the guns, they were easily distracted by the plethora of gun-themed accessories, century-old hunting knives, T-shirts that read “When I Snap, You’ll Be the First to Go” and a table where passersby could test out Tasers. The biggest draws for gun enthusiasts, however, were the modern sporting rifles and the assault rifles, which were recently banned at Pennsylvania’s largest annual gun show, partially out of respect for victims of the Newtown, Conn., school shootings. The ban — imposed by the British company that runs the Eastern Sports and Outdoor Show, which was to take place in Harrisburg in February — resulted in a boycott by more than 100 vendors, the largest of which was sporting- and huntinggoods big-box Cabela’s.The boycott, in turn, resulted in the indefinite postponement of the show. For many dealers and attendees at the Philadelphia Gun Show, the ban reflected a national push for stricter gun-control laws (which right-wing state Rep. Daryl Metcalfe is already working to ensure won’t be enforced in Pennsylvania). “People are going after guns because they can’t go after [Adam Lanza’s] mother,” said Jeff White, a dealer from Greencastle, Pa. Lamplugh agreed: “She’s probably the biggest to blame. For them to take [assault rifles] away from law-abiding citizens is just wrong.” Others refused to engage in a debate over gun control, choosing instead to stick to their guns, so to speak. One dealer lifted his shirt to reveal three handguns that are strapped to his belt at all times, explaining that his choice to own guns is just a matter of “protection.” —Anna Merriman

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citybeat ... goes to a gun show

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artsmusicmoviesmayhem

icepack By A.D. Amorosi

³ DAN GROSS AND I have been among the

last of the moccasins — Philly gossip writers in print and online — for some time. I’ve always liked him, his dry sense of snark and distinct air of honor. I dig Dan. So it hit hard when the Daily News scribe told readers and co-workers he’d be stepping down from the paper as of Feb. 1. Because I respect him, I wanted to be Gross’ last interview before his final column (which comes out the day City Paper prints), in which he’ll announce his replacement. No, he wouldn’t reveal the “highly approved” colleague who will replace him on the gossip page (my guess is Chuck Darrow or exCP staffer Molly Eichel). Yes, he joked about the local bloggers it would definitely not be. Mostly, he spoke of his 14 years at Daily News and nine years of gossip writing. “I’ll miss the freedom of doing that type of reporting, being trusted and left on my own,” says Gross. But “After all that time, I was honestly curious as to what else I could do and what other opportunities might be available to me.” The offer of a buyout seemed like the perfect time to jump on that curiousity, he says, and “in terms of legitimate contemplation, it was only about a week.” Gross also served as president of the Newspaper Guild,repping the Inquirer,Daily News and philly. comin labor negotiations; Howard Genslerwill take over that role. “I was concerned that my co-workers might think I was abandoning the union post, but they have been very supportive. It was the right move for me.” No, there isn’t another ship he’s jumping to or a singular form of narrative he’s aiming at. He’s “not looking to write the Great American Novel,” but would like to try various writing forms “inside and outside of journalism.” Though Gross hasn’t spoken to any potential employers, he’s hoping to stay in Philly. In terms of the Daily News and the Inquirer, Gross believes newsprint will prevail for some time and that the papers’ current owners (Gerry Lenfest and George Norcross,among others, under the umbrella of Interstate General Media) are honorable. “I think their commitment is solid because most of their money comes from the print side. Obviously there’s an effort on growing the digital side and its revenue, but print isn’t going away.” Speaking of print and going away, knowing that he loves the papers and would miss this gig, my last question was a simple one: Other than the big reveal, what will his last column focus on? “The Wing Bowl,” he laughs. “That’s only fitting. I’m hoping to cover it with as much responsibility and professionalism that the sport deserves. And now, maybe after years of such urgings from drunken fans, maybe I’ll finally show my tits.” Bravo. ³ Icepack’s responsibility and professionalism continue at citypaper.net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

SPOONFULS OF SUGAR: Casting the very likeable James Ijames (left) and Scott Greer as co-leads seems like a ploy to make Beckett’s sour, surreal Endgame more palatable to Arden audiences. MARK GARVIN

curtaincall By Mark Cofta

³ ARDEN THEATRE COMPANY At first glance, Samuel Beckett’s 1957 grim absurdist drama Endgame seemed like an odd fit for the Arden, which usually leans toward more upbeat and accessible mainstream fare. The theater’s publicity mailers for the show — which played up that Beckett, in addition to writing Waiting for Godot and being generally acknowledged as the master of modern absurdism, also “worked for James Joyce” and “drove Andre the Giant to school” — seemed to confirm that the Arden shared my concerns. Director Edward Sobel tries to bridge the gap by casting two of Philadelphia’s most likable actors, Scott Greer and James Ijames, in the lead roles: blind, chairbound Hamm and his loyal servant, Clov, who can’t sit down. Together, the three wring much humor from a script that revels in the minutiae of bleak survival (itches, cravings, memories), treating Beckett’s language — too often revered as sacred text and played with gravitas — as conversation between characters. Kevin Depinet’s scenic design likewise makes the play more specific and clear, drawing on elements from the post-disaster ouevre that’s become so popular, from The Walking Dead and the whole zombie craze to Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. He interprets Beckett’s “bare interior” as a post-apocalyptic parking garage where Hamm holds court in a makeshift wheelchair under a collapsed ramp, a nose-down car crashed behind him. Hamm’s parents, played

by Dan Kern and Nancy Boykin, subsist in chemical drums rather than “ash bins.” Millie Hiibel’s tattered costumes, Thom Weaver’s suitably bleary lighting, and the eerie echoes in Daniel Perelstein’s sound likewise put us in familiar territory. Beckett would no doubt have responded to this by siccing lawyers on Sobel and company if he hadn’t died in 1989 — the playwright was notoriously prickly about directors’ “interpretations” of his work. But serving the play, as a director should, does not always mean duplicating the playwright’s stage directions. Purists will argue that a production like this goes against Beckett’s wish that audience members interpret events their own way, without the director’s assistance. But do Arden audiences returning (the theater hopes) for A Raisin in the Sun and A Little Night Music care about Beckett’s outside-the-dialogue instructions, or do they prefer a production that offers some definition and grounding? The Arden’s answer works for them: Purists, beware. Sobel presents an Endgame that artfully — with heart and, yes, humor — reveals four characters waiting for their world to end. That the director doesn’t genuflect to the great playwright isn’t the end of the world. Through March 10, $15-$48, Arden Theatre, 40 N. Second St., 215-922-1122, ardentheatre.org.

Against Beckett’s wishes?

³ INTERACT THEATRE COMPANY/ACT II PLAYHOUSE Plays involving football are rare, and that alone makes the InterAct/ Act II world premiere of Assassin noteworthy. But Wilmington resident David Robson’s drama doesn’t celebrate the popular and >>> continued on page 20

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[ a symphony of murderous bees ] ³ blues

The austere architectonics of LA beatscaper Nosaj Thing’s debut LP, Drift, evoked pristine spaces starkly devoid of human presence — though still capable of poignant, near-spiritual resonance. But his return to the format on Home (Innovative Leisure), as tidily meticulous as ever, traverses terrain that’s decidedly less rarefied and more, well, habitable. The rather ghostly vocal presence of Kazu Makino (Blonde Redhead) and Chaz Bundick (Toro y Moi) plays a role there, but it’s mostly an overall sense of warming and softening, plus the suggestion of more bodily forms of movement in gestures toward two-step and fractured, skeletal funk.

Ben Harper could make you mad, he masters so many styles within styles. Starting with early Delta, Get Up! (Stax) focuses on blues in all shades, the natural territory for a collection of originals built to showcase his harmonica-playing buddy Charlie Musselwhite as much as his own picking and singing. Musselwhite’s mouth-harp buzzes like a symphony of murderous bees, underscoring lines like “I see your mouth moving but there’s a circus coming out” (from “I Don’t Believe a Word You Say”). —Mary Armstrong

—K. Ross Hoffman

³ dvd/blu-ray ³ ambient/electro-acoustic Expansive yet far from remote, the long-form abstract ruminations of Brooklyn duo Mountains behave like ambient/drone, but with an unusual amount of personality for music so placid and formalist. That’s never been more true than on Centralia (Thrill Jockey), their self-evident magnum opus, which follows the burbling, buzzily analog Air Museum with an even richer integration of synthetic and organic layers, interweaving electro-acoustic swells with sweetly pastoral fingerpicking. —K. Ross Hoffman

flickpick

Long maligned, and equally beloved, as an Emerald Isle fantasy, John Ford’s The Quiet Man actually wrestles with the issue of myth, both embracing and undermining it. The gay abandon of the old country is as seductive as Maureen O’Hara’s vermillion locks, restored by Olive Films’ Blu-ray to their original luster, but with it come old enmities that can only be sliced through by John Wayne’s expat. —Sam Adams

[ movie review ]

WARM BODIES

Being dead, he can’t remember his full name.

³ AIGA PHILADELPHIA SPACE Whoever controls the maps controls the world. That’s the theory curator Yulia Tikhonova toys with in the exhibit “MAPnificent: Artists Use Maps,” which features more than a dozen artists. “Mapping is a very political concept,” Tikhonova says. “Whenever new governments were established back in history, they always wanted to draw the map.” The cartography-inspired pieces range from hand-drawn neighborhood maps to complex manipulations of Google Maps. Perhaps most interestingly, artist Karin Schaefer mapped the 9/11 disaster (shown, above), revealing how different neighborhoods were affected by it. The exhibit reminds viewers that artists as well as governments can wield a lot of power when it comes to mapping the planet. But what about the companies behind online maps? If Google now controls many of the world’s maps, does that mean Google controls the world? “Yeah,” Tikhonova says. “Of course.” Through March 31, opening Fri., Feb. 1, 6 p.m., 72 N. Second St., aigaphilly.org. ³ AND THEN THERE’S … In the Painted Bride’s “Portraying Kinship,” Kim Alsbrooks pokes fun at rich white folks. She paints precious portraits of aristocrats on flattened aluminum cans. She shares the walls with local painter Helen Mirkil. Through March 17, opening Fri., Feb 1, 5 p.m., 230 Vine St., 215-9259914, paintedbride.org. … What better way to understand our city than to explore others? The exhibit “Salaam Bombay: Beauty & Chaos in the Urban Environment,”which is showing at Twelve Gates Arts, delves into Mumbai. Through Feb. 25, opening Fri., Feb. 1, 5 p.m., 51 N. Second St., 215253-8578, twelvegatesarts.org. … Gahee Park discovers her hippie roots in Marginal Utility’s show “Back to Nature.” Well, sort of. The painter indeed “takes us back to nature,” but “less as hikers in search of a view than as the contents of the sewer pipe, left to decompose back to its original state,” according to a statement. Through March 24, opening Fri., Feb. 1, 6 p.m., 319 N. 11th St., second floor, marginalutility.org. (editorial@citypaper.net)

POST MORTEM: Nicholas Hoult stars as R, a lovelorn zombie.

By Holly Otterbein

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[ C ] GIVEN THAT VAMPIRES have become tween-dream fodder and zombies are now ubiquitous in popular culture, it was inevitable that we’d end up with a zom-rom-com sooner rather than later. Jonathan Levine’s adaptation of Isaac Marion’s novel Warm Bodies hits all the right YA-horror notes: resourceful heroine, unthreateningly dreamy hero conflicted over his brain-eating tendencies, disciplinarian dad, absent mom and a more-evil breed of zombies to root against. It’s never as twitchy or over-the-top as the Twilight films, but Levine also never strives for much more than sweetness. Like the director’s previous film, the “cancer comedy” 50/50, Warm Bodies finds an amiable, unhurried groove and stays there, aiming low for laughs from ideas like playing John Waite’s soft-rock hit “Missing You” as the undead shuffle around an abandoned airport. There’s no more easy inroad to a mismatched romance than making loose reference to Romeo and Juliet, but that’s the direction that Marion and Levine opted for, with leads named Julie (Teresa Palmer) and R (Nicholas Hoult) — being dead, he can’t remember his full name — and giving them a balcony scene. But they don’t even milk the obvious chuckles from juxtaposing Shakespeare’s eloquence with R’s postmortem grunts. The reference is there on a purely surface level, not even requiring an acquaintance with the Cliff’s Notes. John Malkovich is on hand as Julie’s militia-leader father, but his threat to the relationship comes late in the film and is fairly easily overcome. And an intriguing addition to the lore comes with the notion that eating victims’ brains affords the zombies a glimpse at their memories, but disappointingly little is made of it beyond a peek at Julie’s backstory. R’s default response as he begins to emerge from his zombified state and communicate is a noncommittal shrug, and Levine seems to have taken his directorial cues from that gesture. —Shaun Brady

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Tackled so hard he was left a quadriplegic.

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lucrative game. Instead, it explores the debate about the danger athletes put themselves into for our entertainment. It does so with a fictionalized version of a real event: In 1978, when NFL players were protected by fewer rules and thinner pads, Raiders safety Jack Tatum hit Patriots wide receiver Darryl Stingley so forcefully that Stingley was left a quadriplegic. The men, both now deceased, never spoke afterward. Tatum never formally apologized, though he expressed regret about what happened, and later embraced the nickname The Assassin. Robson imagines a meeting between Frank (Brian Anthony Wilson), the nowretired and ailing “assassin,” and Lewis (Dwayne A. Thomas), the lawyer for paralyzed Lyle, negotiating a reunion 25 years after the notorious event. Frank hopes it will provide much-needed income and publicity for his autobiography. What Lyle and Lewis want is less clear. As with many two-person plays, Assassin offers more revelation than action — so giving away too much spoils the experience. Suffice it to say that Frank’s feelings are complicated: “All is fair in love, war and football,” he says, defensively. “The game is about fucking people up.” But beneath Frank’s bluster, Wilson reveals a tormented man. He’s haunted, but resents needing forgiveness for a career he’s proud of — and misses. Uptight young Lewis is more than just Lyle’s mouthpiece, of course, and many of the play’s revelations are about his stake in this reunion. One might wish for Lyle to show up, but Lewis can provide both an opponent and a fan’s perspective: After all, that’s who those hard hits entertain. Both actors bring Robson’s sometimes speechy, preachy script to life in Dirk Durossette’s suitably bland hotel-room set, notable for its peculiar distance from the audience and its unnecessary Chicago elevated-rail steel-beam framing. Assassin could be set anywhere — the drama is between the two outraged men, and, under Seth Reichgott’s sharp direction, it crackles. Through Feb. 10, $30-$37, Adrienne Theater, 2030 Sansom St., 215568-8077, interacttheatre.org; Feb. 19March 17, $22-$33, Theatre Horizon, 56 E. Butler Ave., 215-654-0200, act2.org. >>> continued on page 22

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BONNE ANNEE 2013 HAPPY NEW YEAR!

“People go through this all the time.” Yeah, no shit. ³LUNA THEATER COMPANY Duncan Macmillan wrote Lungs for a bare stage without scenery, furniture, props, mime, costume changes or light and sound cues. It is, he acknowledges, a “huge challenge for a director” and “a high-wire act for the two actors.” The conversation, his program note continues, “is what matters.” But what if there’s no matter to the conversation? The London playwright’s acclaimed drama, staged by Gregory Scott Campbell in the round for just 48 seats in the Adrienne Skybox, is an exercise in generalities that confounds the best efforts of skilled, charismatic actors Charlotte Ford and David Raphaely. Deciding whether or not to have a baby, they recite arguments painfully familiar from lazy Hollywood scripts: Is it arrogant, what if I don’t love it, what about the carbon footprint, blah blah blah. Having this conversation is interesting. Witnessing one between two poorly defined people is torture. Macmillan’s characters — W and M in the program, nameless in 80 minutes of talk — avoid specifics. Somewhere in the Western world, he works, but wants to be some sort of musician. She ... does something. They read “that book,” saw “that film.” “People go through this everywhere, all the time,” W says. Yeah, no shit. Lungs finally leaves the baby question for rom-com fodder: infidelity, breakup, reconciliation. Wait, I saw “that film” — didn’t it star Katherine Heigl? David Schulner’s An Infinite Ache (Feb. 1-17, Theatre Horizon) shows a years-long relationship arc in a similarly brisk manner, but does so vividly and unforgettably. Another parallel might be George and Emily in Thornton Wilder’s Our Town, blatant archetypes in a play that constantly reminds that it’s a play. But Lungs just chews up time and spits out nothing. Ford and Raphaely occasionally approach something real: He muses about “a little imaginary Hannah or Edwin”; nose wrinkling, she replies, “Edwin?” They’re human for a second, but ... meh. Cue the laugh track. This doesn’t even deserve to run for a season on the CW. Through Feb. 10, $15-$30, Adrienne Theatre, 2030 Sansom St., 866-811-4111, lunatheater.org.

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STANDUPGUYS

A haiku: Ninety-one minutes. This movie is ninetyone minutes long, you guys. (Not reviewed) (AMC Loews Cherry Hill, Rave, UA Grant, UA Riverview)

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OSCAR-NOMINATED ANIMATED SHORTS|BThe weakest slate in years, 2012’s animated shorts are long on sentiment but short on substance. “Paperman,” which debuted in front of Wreck-It Ralph, is the standout, the just-sweet-enough story of an office drone who turns his stack of forms into weapons of love. “Adam and Dog” is a winsome but slight story of the first man’s best friend, while “Head Over Heels” explores the disconnect between a man and a woman who live on opposite sides — top and bottom — of the same house. “Fresh Guacamole” is the most inventive, showing human hands turning lightbulb elements and chopped dice into the familiar dip, but it’s a technical display and not much more. “The Longest Daycare,” shown with the latest Ice Age, is a Simpsons short as fitfully amusing as any recent episode — here, it’s shown without the superfluous 3D. It’s worth nothing that, atypically, all of this year’s nominees are handmade, or at least are made to appear so — not a show-stopping algorithm in the bunch. But without a solid script behind it, old-school craft is just eye candy. —Sam Adams (Ritz at the Bourse) OSCAR-NOMINATED LIVE SHORTS|B The two standouts in this year’s field of five Oscar-nominated live-action shorts sift through the strain of growing

up in a world tarnished by war, and both are strong in their assertion that the most glamorous path is rarely the right one. In Asad, writer/director Bryan Buckley leads a cast of real-life Somali refugees in a taut, lively tale of the precocious title boy (Harun Mohammed), torn between joining his young friends on pirate skiffs or following the virtuous footsteps of poor-but-proud fisherman Erasto (Ibrahim Moallim Hussein). Filmed on location in Kabul through the nonprofit Afghan Film Project, Sam French’s Buzkashi Boys is the most visually beautiful of the nominees, detailing the dreams of two youths (Fawad Mohammadi and Jawanmard Paiz) whose fates already seem to be sealed. American screenwriter and musician Shawn Christensen stars in his own winner, Curfew, following his suicidal character’s unexpected New York City day with his incisive niece (Fatima Ptacek). Matthias Schoenaerts, the gifted star of 2012 foreign standout Rust and Bone, brings a distinct energy to Death of a Shadow, an imaginative, steampunk-influenced tale of a World War I soldier wedged between life and death. The most problematic of the nominees might be Yan England’s Henry, which explores age and loss in a manner that squanders an early sense of intrigue. —Drew Lazor (Ritz at the Bourse)

STAND UP GUYS A haiku: Grumpy old con men try to pull off one last job. It’s called Stand Up Guys. (Not reviewed) (AMC Loews Cherry Hill, Ritz Five)

WARM BODIES Read Shaun Brady’s review on p. 19. (AMC Loews Cherry Hill, Rave, UA Grant, UA Main Street, UA Riverview)

AMOUR|A

QUARTET | B Dustin Hoffman has taken his sweet time about turning to film directing, and the 75-year-old actor’s first feature, Quartet, shows little burning desire to make a cinematic statement. It’s more of a lark, a gentle and sweet portrait of musical performers in their final act. Adapted from Ronald Harwood’s play and set at a home for retired classical musicians, Quartet is in many ways a pretext to assemble a passel of British veterans and let them play — and when that group includes Maggie Smith, Michael Gambon and Tom Courtenay, who are we to decline? It’s an openly slight film, centered around the buildup to the retirement home’s annual benefit concert. Even so, watching talents like these in an exhibition match is a great, if not especially profound, pleasure. —SA (Ritz Five)

LINCOLN|B+ RUST AND BONE | B Fleeing a bad relationship in Belgium, Ali (Matthias Schoenaerts) crashes at the Antibes apartment of his mostly estranged sister Anna (Corinne Masiero). A bouncer gig at a local club puts him in front of Stéphanie (Marion

On provisional release from a mental hospital after administering a beatdown to his estranged wife’s lover, Bradley Cooper moves back with his mother (Jacki Weaver) and father (Robert De Niro). Cooper’s jittery mannerisms quickly wear thin, but he’s balanced by a policeman’s widow (Jennifer Lawrence) whose no-nonsense bluntness brings him back to Earth. The movie settles into a well-worn rut once the two start training for a ballroom-dance contest, cruising toward a resolution it never earns, but it tries so hard to please it almost can’t help but succeed. It’s clever and cute and never lets you forget it, and winning in spite of how much it insists on it. —SA (UA Grant, UA Riverview)

✚ REPERTORY FILM BRYN MAWR FILM INSTITUTE 824 W. Lancaster Ave., Bryn Mawr, 610-527-9898, brynmawrfilm.org. Bright Eyes (1934, U.S., 85 min.): An orphaned girl is forced to live with a snobby rich family as her kindhearted godfather battles for custody. Sat., Feb. 2, 11 a.m., $5. The Story of Film: An Odyssey (2011, U.K., approx. 120 min.): Two episodes of the British TV documentary miniseries highlight “Postwar Cinema” in the 1940s and “Sex and Melodrama” in the 1950s. Wed., Feb. 6, noon, $7. Joyeux Noel (2005, France, 116 min.): On Christmas Eve during the WWI truce of 1914, the Germans, French and Scottish fraternize. Members of Opera Philadelphia will perform a selection from Silent Night prior to the screening. Wed., Feb. 6, 7:30 p.m., $10.50.

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INTERNATIONAL HOUSE 3701 Chestnut St. 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org. Flaherty on the Road: A four-evening series of rare docs focusing on politics and technology. Jan. 31-Feb. 2, $9. Come and See (1985, U.S.S.R., 136 min.): The ultimate feel-bad movie takes a harsh look at the terrors of World War II. Tue., Feb. 5, 7 p.m., free. Trop Tôt, Trop Tard (1982, France, 105 min.): A meditation on landscape — contrasting present-day France with the same spot in 1792 — turns into a look at Egypt’s fight against colonialism. Wed., Feb. 6, 7 p.m., $9.

RITZ AT THE BOURSE 400 Ranstead St., 215-440-1181, landmarktheatres.com. Please Subscribe (2012, U.S., 77 min.): A doc exploring the fascinationg phenomenon that is YouTube. Tue., Feb. 5, 7:30 p.m., $9.

RITZ EAST 125 S. Second St., 215-925-7900, landmarktheatres.com Sound City (2013, U.S., 108 min.): Dave Grohl directed this doc about the legendary recording studio in California. Thu., Jan. 31, 7 p.m., $9.

COUNTY THEATER ZERO DARK THIRTY|B+ Pre-release controversy aside, the scenes in which presumed Islamic terrorists are subjected to waterboarding and hung in stress positions occupy only a tiny fraction of Zero Dark Thirty, and information thus extracted is one small stone on the path that eventually leads the CIA “targeter” played by

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LOOK WEST: A foie-gras tamale is paired with cotija ice cream at Marigold BYOB. MARK STEHLE

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FOAM HOME Robert Halpern’s Marigold BYOB brings highmodernist cuisine to a West Philly Victorian. By Adam Erace

MARIGOLD KITCHEN | 501 S. 45th St., 215-222-3699, marigoldkit-

chenbyob.com. Dinner Tue.-Sun., 6-9:30 p.m. Tasting menus, $65-$85.

ity Paper, consider this my two weeks’ notice. I’m quitting to wait tables at Marigold Kitchen. I can’t lie; I’m in it for the money. From my perch inside the enclosed porch of this handsome restored Victorian (once a haven for the West Philly literati and, later, a pre-Zahav CookNSolo crew), I had a clear view through a window to the dining room and the single server flitting between tables like a hummingbird between, well, marigolds. More on: Hummingbirds like marigolds, right? I should have asked the preppy drink of Vitaminwater in the black glasses or the professorial couple a table over. They would have known. They also would have been better able to calculate 20 percent of the number of seats (30 on the handsome first floor) times the amount per average tasting menu ($75). But I had plenty of time to do the math as I waited 15 minutes for someone to greet me on the porch and another 15 to be seated. I don’t begrudge the solo server her tips. Effervescent and knowledgable — the latter no easy feat when chemical brother

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Robert Halpern is your chef — she earned every cent. But she needed a partner. She has one, usually, Halpern tells me two weeks later on the phone. Plus, the GM was on vacation that night. And so was Halpern himself. As the restaurant biz goes, mid-January is a pretty safe time to take a trip. What Halpern could not have predicted was Philadelphia magazine naming his 46-seat BYOB, the city’s only one dedicated to so-called molecular gastronomy, the second-best restaurant in the city. Who could? Under his ownership, Marigold has operated in relative obscurity for three years and change. But publicity can be a bitch, its warm glow turning into a harsh glare, illuminating a microgreen too many, for example, or a messy bathroom. Or the awkward, staccato pacing of the amuse bouches, which were borne on the hands of Keith Krajewski, chef de cuisineturned-impromptu food runner. Before I could relish the novelty of liquid-nitrogen fog billowing from my mouth like dragon breath (a side MORE FOOD AND effect of the flash-frozen popcorn), a spoon DRINK COVERAGE stained with veal gravy appeared, bearing AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / cheese curds and a fried orb whose liqueM E A LT I C K E T. fied potato contents sloshed about like water in a snow globe and shattered in the mouth. Poutine! Later, another fried sphere broke open to reveal molten cheddar. Lush chestnut cream hid in a raviolo whose edges flopped over the rim of its spoon like a basset hound’s ears, raining chocolate salt on the table. Cinnamon-tea bubbles, set with soy lecithin, heralded a flow of smooth, spiced butternut-squash soup in a tiny glass mug. I liked them all, but hurled at me like baseballs from a pitching >>> continued on page 34

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³ LAST WEEK DAVID Lazarus of the Los Angeles Times reported on ReviewerCard, the troublesome brainchild of amateur-online-review entrepreneur Brad Newman. So what is ReviewerCard? According Newman’s site, a $100 membership gets you a ReviewerCard to show to local businesses. This lets you “enjoy premium service” and “build rapport” with said business. But really, it probably works more like this: Say you stroll into a new hotspot at prime dinner time and the hostess tells you the wait is 90 minutes. Simply flash that ReviewerCard, explaining that you’re a prominent member of a user-review site such as Yelp or TripAdvisor, and get shown right to a table. Not a fan of that brioche sandwiching your burger? Flash that card and the kitchen will give you your bun of choice, because, after all, no one wants an unhappy customer or — what’s really the issue here — a scathing Yelp review. The world of online reviews is swarming with opinions. Should professional restaurant critics be the only ones allowed to voice their judgments about the places they eat? Of course not.And user-review sites can be helpful when it comes to decisions about everything from where to enjoy an over-the-top tasting menu to choosing the right exterminator. But then there are those who use these forums for something else, such as personal gain. And airing of grievances is all well and good, but there are times when things get downright nasty and personal. Suspecting that restaurant folk would have strong feelings about ReviewerCard, we asked Dave Garry, owner of in-the-biz-friendly South Philly spot The Industry, what he thought about the card. “Pretty much everything I hate about the Internet” is the PG version of Garry’s response, as he explained how anonymous reviewers can get carried away with power and a real lack of common sense. Garry agreed that user-review sites “started off with the right idea, but eventually got poisoned.” In response to these sites, he’s planning to launch a forum on The Industry’s site called Pley (get it?), where restaurant workers can stand up for themselves and share their tales of less-than-lovely encounters at work — all double-checked and verified, of course — with no repercussions. As anyone familiar with the online-reviewing community might predict, there’s already a heated thread concerning ReviewerCard on San Francisco Yelp, where one astute member commented, “the very people who will use those cards are the same people who should never be near one.” (caroline@citypaper.net)

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✚ Foam Home <<< continued from page 33

Alinea is mentioned a lot, but Halpern only staged there for two weeks. gracetavern.com

machine gone haywire, their purpose felt more to distract from a backed-up kitchen buying time. Forty-five minutes passed before the arrival of our first courses, chosen from the menu’s selection of cold appetizers, and those first bites really made me forget the unusual delay: roasted and sous-vide root vegetables (beets, winter squash, sweet potatoes) meandering down a crystalline stripe of coconut gel; beef tartare encircled by traditional accompaniments (blue cheese, sherry vinegar, potato) in manipulated forms (ice cream, gelee, foam). Half a softcooked quail egg perched atop the meat like a fedora, its barely set yolk quivering in a firm white cup. The kitchen’s pace began to even out, too. It’s hard to understate the importance of timing here, especially since Halpern just scrapped his a la carte menu. “It’s always been our intention to go to all tastings,” he says. “We just didn’t have that option for a very long time.” With the plethora of amuses, a palate cleanser (right now, bracing currant sorbet, red as sin) and four to six courses, the degustations are the better deal anyway. But you’ll need to choose wisely. Some dishes are extraordinary (fried chicken and biscuits, whose hominess could not be deterred by all the meat glue in China), others merely good. Sometimes Halpern’s ideas get the best of him, like a half-baked interpretation of carbonara featuring zucchini noodles. Other times, they electrify: “Corn,” a hot appetizer course, paired cotija ice cream with a textbook tamale enriched with foie. It’s inspired by the famed Coyote Cafe in Sante Fe, one of Halpern’s first jobs. Halpern would later go on to cook at resume-builders around the country, collecting respect for locally grown ingredients in Vermont — juicy pears and snappy turnips perfectly anchored a plate of beef filet, foie and caramelized-onion pudding — and a deft touch with seafood in Maine. Alinea is mentioned a lot, but he only staged there for two weeks; still enough time to learn a few tricks from the Grant Achatz canon, like flexible chocolate ganache. But at Marigold, the edges of the curving cocoa bar were ratty and the composition of complementary chocolate elements overcrowded, something to sort through rather than admire. It tasted good, but didn’t look good; usually the criticism of this kind of cooking is just the opposite. “Gone Bananas,” another busy presentation, proved a fitting title; its banana fritters, cooked to black mush, made me crazy. The accompanying banana hot chocolate was so rich, I couldn’t do more than a spoonful, and the bacon-brown-butter ice cream was overly savory. I can give Marigold a break since Halpern was off-duty this night, but the staff he has in place should be able to execute his vision. Or maybe this is his vision, exactly, and that’s what needs some editing. A lot of his food has an infectious joy about it, and I’ll be sure to mention that when I’m waiting on Marigold’s customers. I’ll just smuggle in a pair of tweezers and remove a few items from each plate before serving. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

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the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda

[ food & drink ]

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Bufad Pizza | The new pizzeria from Michael and

Jeniphur Pasquarello (Prohibition Taproom, CafĂŠ Lift) entered the soft-opening phase last week, mere hours after passing its final inspection. The cozy 30-seater is serving up Neapolitan-style pies in just six iterations; once the restaurant gets into gear, more variety will be offered in the form of scissor-snipped slices a la Romana. For now, the tidy selection ranges from a simple margherita to a potatoand-egg pie gilded with prosciutto, scallions and fontina cheese. Accompaniments come in the forms of antipasti and salads, including crostoni with toppings of salt cod and potato, chicken liver and guanciale, or herbed cannellini-bean puree. Cash only. Open Tue.-Sun., 5 p.m.-11 p.m. 1240 Spring Garden St., 215-238-9311, bufadpizza.com.

Valley Shepherd Creamery/MeltKraft | Also new at

Reading Terminal is this top-notch cheese shop from the Long Valley, N.J., sheep farm and creamery. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re making some of the cheeses on-site, including clothbound cheddar, Stilton-style blue and fresh mozzarella theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re handstretching every day to provide a good show while you shop. On the take-out tip, chef Rebecca Foxman is serving up specialty grilled-cheese sandwiches. Go simple with fresh mozzarella and roasted tomatoes on a baguette, or go for the gusto with the Valley Thunder, which marries cheddar, brisket and mac and cheese. Any sandwich can be customgrilled in duck or bacon fat, if you so choose. Open Mon.-Sat., 9 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Reading Terminal Market, 12th and Arch streets., 267-639-3309, valleyshepherd.com. (carly@citypaper.net) Got A Tip? Please send restaurant news to restaurants@citypaper.

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J A N U A R Y 3 1 - F E B R U A R Y 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

KeVen Parker Soul Food CafĂŠ | After longtime Reading Terminal soul-food stop Delilahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s closed up shop, news that KeVen Parker (Ms. Tootsieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s) would be taking over the spot was met with sighs of relief. Parker is renowned for soul classics like fried chicken, slow-cooked collards with smoked turkey and sweet-potato pie served up in a sleek setting â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the seating area perks up the Market atmosphere with leather-upholstered chairs and orchids on the tables. Try the crab-mac-and-cheese balls or chicken and waffles. Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun., 10 a.m.- 5 p.m. Reading Terminal Market, 12th and Arch streets., kevenparker.net.

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food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

[ i love you, i hate you ] To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ³ email lovehate@citypaper.net BE YOURSELF

GET OVER IT

Everybody wants to be a fucking barbie, you dumb bitch you are fucking far from being a barbie, you can’t even afford half the shit that she has done to her body, or the clothes or anything else. What is so fucking hard with being yourself. Are you that much unhappy with not being yourself that you want to change everything about yourself? I don’t even fucking know you anymore. I don’t know anything about you anymore. You have changed for the worst and I don’t like the person you have become. Do us both a favor stay away from me and I will stay away from you because I am very much happy in my own skin!

He fucked you and you just sat there and took what you had to take from him then you are going to sit there and fucking complain about it. You shouldn’t of never fucked him. I told you that before but you wanted to be all hot in the fucking ass and do it anyway. Now he has moved on and went over to someone else. Why are you mad, if anything you should be happy with what has happened. I told you next time your silly ass is going to listen more carefully.

KNUCKLE-DRAGGING PHILISTINE NEIGHBORS Hey neighbors. I’ve tried to be friendly to you more

on how to live near other humans before they bring their emo asses to the city. Can’t wait until you move back to strip mall land where you belong.

that I don’t wish no ill willings towards you and I wish you all good. You are just one person that I am glad that is out of my life.

MY FEELINGS

RE: ANGRY NEIGHBOR

HAIIIII I don’t know english well. But I interested to submit my feelings. I am professional student. I goes to college every day. From my childhood I am a lazy boy and I have no interest on studies on those days. I face so many tough situations and finally I entered into the b-tech in first year b-tech I become topper in my ground with 83 percent. First time in my life I felt proud by seeing my image in mirror. Then after in my second year my mind was upset

I know you aren’t talking about me fuck face. If you are indeed referring to me, go FUCK YOURSELF. Nobody is interested in what you do in your house. I’m only concerned with amount of noise coming from below me at all fucking hours when I’m trying to get a good nights rest before work. Your kitchen where you hold your bullshit, pot-fueled, table summits about NOTHING intesting. I can hear every word! You are right under my bedroom assholes! And whoever the fuck is a gamer, turn that pussy shit off or wear headphones at midnight. Shithead! you are young, immarture assholes. I get it. I was there once too, but school is over and adult world is here shitheads. You use my trashcan, the common area outside which you think is yours is ghetto and nasty. You don’t lock the doors to the exterior of building or the gate. WTF!? This is old Kenzo you fuckers. There is still cime. These, and sooooo many other reasons are why I slam the doors and stomp on the floors. Get a clue and show some respect. I will be moving soon, not just because I hate you but because our landlord is a scumbag and let’s you get away with murder because he is a slumlord. Go fuck yourselves in the ass with your vintage bike kickstand.

DON’T YOU MISS US? Why did you call me and say that you still loved me? I am on the grid right now thinking to myself that I do love you also but I want to know if this love is real, you say it is but honestly I don’t believe you. I want to do the right thing and stay with my boyfriend. But, you keep running through my mind. I think I am going to end up calling you. And then you and I can be together at least for one last time. I do yearn for your touch...

36 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 3 1 - F E B R U A R Y 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

DUMMY NEIGHBORS Stupid fat bitch instead of you sitting in the house arguing and yelling at god knows who and sitting there smoking fucking weed you stupid bitch why don’t you look for a fucking job or something positive. I wanted to come over you house the other day and smack the shit out of your ugly fat face. So now what, I am stuck with that fucking horrible smell in my damn house and my clothes smell like that bullshit. Noboby wants to smell that shit, I know that I don’t nor does anyone in my family. I think people that smoke weed are the lowest forms of life. You stupid bitch you should be the fucking president of the lowest forms of life club! I still want to smack the fuck out of you!

THE HOUSE OF HORROR I am tired of some of ya’ll bitces who work at a specific place ya’ll are so fake how do you turn your nose up at us when you look just as dusty as some of the women who live there. Some of ya’ll probably sleeping on somebody’s couch or even worse probably live in the shelter. Who are you and why do you think because you work there that you are better than us.” Remember you are only one pay check away from being in the “House of Horror”.

FAKE ASS DRIVER

TO ALL THE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

I am so glad that I don’t have to ride your bus anymore...you sit there and talk to the fat guy sitting on the side like you and him don’t have anything else or anywhere else to be. Well bitch do that shit on your own fucking time everyone riding on the bus, actually has somewhere that they need to fucking go that is why they are riding on your bus from hell. You are a very unprofessional female driver and if we can get you back off the route again, the happier the whole bus ride will be!

FEEL LIKE SHIT... I know that you feel like shit...but the least you could do is return my fucking phone call. Don’t worry bitch I will not be reaching out to you again. I hope you are happy now all the shit you were doing didn’t help you any with anything. Frankly, I thought you were fucking pathetic, you didn’t know what side you wanted to be on with anyone. You were two-faced all up and down the fucking board. People had the nerve to ask me what I thought...I said “no comment”. I meant that shit. And please don’t think that I don’t know that you were trying to fuck every guy that came in your path...did you think that was going to get you somewhere...guess not bitch!

than once. I’m a nice normal looking person, and usually the correct response to “hello” or “hi”, not a blank stare. We put up patiently with your Wednesday night parties, “band practice,” and complete lack of ability to interact with other humans. This afternoon, I came home to find that you decided it would be a good idea to lay all of your recycling in a loose pile on the street on a windy day, so naturally it had blown all over the damn place. I was picking it up for you when you came outside. Even THEN, I was going to try to say “hello” to you, but you pretended not to see me. Idiot college kids raised in suburbia should be forced to take lessons

and start thinking made me as looserrrrrrrrr..... that thinking is about relation between boy and girl. But that relation in my past (in my 1st year) encouraged me to get good percent.

OUT OF MY LIFE I am so glad that you are gone and I have gotten both of my phone numbers changed. You don’t know how good it feels not to hear your 1/2 hour message talking about nothing on my answering machine. I know you wanna come by my house to see if I am alright. But, if you are reading this, that means that I am fine. And I wanted you to know

Big and small who work on and just off south street. Thank you for your wonderfully delightfully presence and for giving the grimy city tiny specks of paradise to observe and adore. If I ever seemed like a creeper, that was never my intention. I’m only ever thinking about ways to make you all smile. Not every hetro male wants to fuck every women he looks at. Most of the time I just want to enjoy the view and make a human connection. PS: To the sexiest women with the sweetest smile I have ever seen, who works around the corner from where I live. One of these days soon I’ll soon I’ll get the balls and the right words to ask you out. I swear you make me feel like a high school freshman asking out a girl for the first time. I can never even speak right around you! Your inspiring tattoos and plesant calming smile had me writing a song about you in no time. In the words of John Lennon, “I just go to get you tinto my life.

✚ ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

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Resort/ Vacation Property for Sale VACATION RENTALS

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily. Holiday Real Estate.1-800-6382102 Online reservations: www. holidayoc.com.

Land/ Lots for Sale LAND FOR SALE

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Apartments for Rent $1900 1BD W/BALC METROCLUB!

$1900…1BD w/Balcony avail at MetroClub…Move in ASAP. JUST REDUCED! 201 N. 8th Street (corner of 8th and Race.) Modern 1 bedroom/1 bathroom w/balcony available for rent in MetroClub Condos. Balcony adds 200 Sq. feet of outdoor living space! Parking space in secure gated parking lot included. Use of outdoor pool w/cabanas, hot tub, and beautiful, fully-equipped gym also included. Stainless steel appliances, front loader washer/dryer IN UNIT, mahogany hardwood floors. Chic custom window treatments and painting. Wall-mounted FLAT SCREENS in living room and bedroom INCLUDED. Custom closets throughout with HUGE, gorgeous walk-in in master bedroom. Tons of storage! Beautiful marble bathroom with rain showerhead and custom builtin vanity. Unit is on coveted 3rd floor with BALCONY... CITY VIEW!! Table and Chairs seen in photos also available if desired. Also, Lovely Franklin Square Park across street with fountain, playground, miniature golf, and Stephen Starr burger stand! Very close to 95, 676, Ben Franklin Bridge, and public transportation. Great for easy commute in and out of Center

City. Avail to move in ASAP. $1900/month for 1 year lease or $1875 /mth for 2+year lease. 6 month lease available-please inquire.

en, completely new, gorgeous, wonderful neighborhood, new appliances. $600/m. Call 215292-2176

Two Bedrooms

ALL New T/H. Hardwood, Granite, New Appliances, Gorgeous, $650 per month. 215-292-2176.

SOUTH PHILLY 2BR HOUSE

2 BR/1 BA NEWLY REMODELED. FEB. Rent Free!!! W/D, D/W, C/A, yard. High Ceilings. Quiet small side street 7th & Ritner vicinity. $945/mo. Credit Check req. Pets OK. Stan (717) 418-9677.

Three+ Bedrooms 9TH & MOORE VICINITY

3 bdrm.Tree-lined street, Close CC trans. No pets. Serious inquiries. 215-5518198. LARGE 4BR WEST PHILLY

Large 4Br 5839 Walnut Street. Freshly painted and move in ready. Not accepting vouchers. $1000 plus util. Call 215701-7355

SOUTH PHILLY 19TH & MIFFLIN

Office/ Retail COMMERCIAL OFFICE SPACE FOR RENT

319 North 11th Street 1st Floor, 4,500 Sq. Ft., Private Entrance AC, Gas Heat, 4 Executive Offices, 2 Secretarial Offices, Meeting Room + Kitchen Area, Parking Available. $4,600/mo. For more info call: 215-8821187

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2705 EARP STREET

ROOM FOR RENT

Near Univ of Penn, Newly remodeled 2 bedroom home, Washer/Dryer, Fridge, New: Kitchen, Bath, Hardwood Floors. $850/month. Call Pete: 267-307-0371 HOME FOR RENT

2 BR 1Ba Great Location N.56th Near shopping/ schools/churches Newly renov. 650+ 240-486-6477 SOUTH PHILADELPHIA

3rd and Porter. All new townhouse. HW flrs, granite kitch-

classifieds

Bethesda Project seeks a part-time Van Driver Mon -Fri. 6:00am - 8:30am. Provides transportation for participants to/from sites; completes paperwork and van maintenance checks. QUALIFICATIONS: Experience driving a passenger van and working with adults preferred. Must have good written, verbal, and basic computer skills; current and valid state-issued driver’s license, clean driving record, and be able to lift up to 50 pounds. TO APPLY: Visit our website: bethesdaproject. org Satisfactory Pre-Employment drug screen, criminal background check, DMV record check, current and valid driver’s License, EOE.

dacks, So. Tier, Oneida Lake 5 Acres Woodlands-$13,900. 74 Acres Lake Access-$79,900. 20 Acres So. Tier-$35,900. 86 Acres w/Trout Stream, Borders State Land & Trails-$99,900. Daily personal land tours. Call 1800-229-7843 or visit LandandCamps.com

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

Supplies! Helping HomeWorkers since 2001! Genuine Opportunity! No experience required. Start immediately! www.mailing-usa.com

Room For Rent W/TV, W/D, Full Use of Kitchen and Bathroom! $70 Wk and Up. Call 267-496-0065

Vacation/ Seasonal Rental DOMINICAN REPUBLIC VILLA

Private Oceanfront 4 bedroom villa for rent in Cabarete, Dominican Republic. Owner lives in Philly. Call Frank: 215-7790520 www.villaflamingo.org

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J A N U A R Y 3 1 - F E B R U A R Y 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | 41

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

merchandise market Laptops Net Ready, MS Office, Wireless From $145. Call 610-453-2525

BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826 CABINETS KITCHEN SOLID WOOD Brand new soft close/dovetail drawers Crown Molding 25 Colors, Never Installed! Cost $5,300. Sell $1,590. 610-952-0033 Diabetic Test Strips Needed pay up to $25/box. Most brands. 610-453-2525

BD a Memory Foam Mattress/Bx spring Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399 610-952-0033

BED: Brand New Queen Pillowtop Set $175; 5pc Bedrm Set $345 215-355-3878

HEALTH & MEDICAL PRODUCTS/SERVICES POWER CHAIR - Mr. Mobili ty, 3 yrs old. Asking $3,400. Call 856-691-8396

LOST: White and rose gold wedding band with small diamond. REWARD. Call 267-240-3395

J A N U A R Y 3 1 - F E B R U A R Y 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

42 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

Cockatoo - Umbrella Cockatoo (2 M&F) Must go together- $1,500 856-358-1010

Ragdoll Kittens: Beautiful, guaranteed, home raised. $500. Call 610-731-0907

Boxer pups, 5 white boxers. 3 male, 2 female, AKC reg, family raised, updated on shots and wormed. Ready to go Feb. 10th! Call (717)725-5880 leave message. BULLY Pups ABKC, Registered, shots, wormed, vet checked. Very nice mark ings. Starting price $775. 6mo. male, 3yr. old male, $500/ea. Family raised. Call 717-529-3715 COCKER SPANIEL PUPS - Real cute. Call 215-382-2588 DACHSHUNDS PUPPIES - Males, Females, $350/ea. Call 267-506-4061 German Shepherd Pups $375 & up. LancasterPuppies.com German Shorthair Pointers AKC - Excellent dogs! Call (856) 261-8922 aftr 3pm

**Bob610-532-9408***

Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-639-0563

Coins, Currency, Gold, Toys,

Trains, Hummels, Sports Cards. Call the Local Higher Buyer, 7 Dys/Wk

Dr. Sonnheim, 856-981-3397

I Buy Anything Old...Except People! antiques-collectables, Al 215-698-0787

Super Bowl Tickets Wanted Call 215-915-3621 33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $

***215-200-0902***

everything pets pets/livestock

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ Really Paid

GOLDEN RETRIEVERS - 2 males, apricot & cream. 10 wks, ACA, vet checked, s&w. $450. 610-857-0108 Golden Retriever White English Puppies $2000 champ bloodlines. 717-951-9582 Great Dane European Bloodline ready 1-31-13 AKC $1,500 267-228-9594 Japanese Chins - Black and white F, red and white M, parents health tested, Breeder of Merit. 610-838-7221 LAB vet checked shots/wormed. $300. Call 717-445-6168 MINIATURE SCHNAUZER ACA PUPS $400. Please call 717-376-7939 Pit Bull pups, shots/wormed, 2 Female 1 Male. Good home. $225. (267)991-5330 Rottweiler Pups, AKC, shots, tails clipped, M $600. F $550. 267-270-5529 Yorkie Puppies - A KC reg. vet checked home raised, $650. Call 215-490-2243 Yorkishire Terrier pups, AKC, very small, ready now, Call (717)278-0932

LOST Black long haired Dachshund, reward offered!! Call 607-738-6328

homes for rent 908 N. 29th St lrg 4BR close to Girard College 215-525-5800

I Buy Guitars & All Musical Instruments-609-457-5501 Rob JUNK CARS WANTED We buy Junk Cars. Up to $300 215-888-8662

jobs

apartment marketplace 13xx S 22nd St. 2br $725+utils recent reno, hwd flrs, w/d 856-906-5216 1100 S 58th St. 1BR & 2BR Apts heat/hw incl., lic #362013 215-525-5800 1900 S. 65th St. 2BR Apt Newly renov, Lic #400451, 215.525.5800 1xx S. 58th St. 2BR/1BA $600+elec. 2mo. sec. 1mo. dep. Call 215-242-6910

Petersburg, NY

Elhannon Wholesale Nursery has 6 job openings for temp. Farmworker positions (3/21/13-12/01/13). Job in Petersburg, NY. Pay rate $10.91/hr. General nursery work. Prepare soil/growth media, cultivate, prune & otherwise participate in horticulture activities. Workers guaranteed to work ¾ of total work days. Housing provided at no cost for those residing outside normal commuting area. 1 time transportation/sub sistence expense to job reimbursed no later than 50% of work contract. Return transporation provided. All tools/equip provided. Random drug testing post-hire at employer expense. Ability to lift 80lbs. 2 mos exp. Contact (877) 466-9757 for your nearest SWA/DOL office using job listing NY1046333

Strong Aide for disabled man in CC, early AM/PM. PT, exp pref’d but will train, refs req’d. Some travel. Call 215-972-0002

Drug and Alcohol Philadelphia

Behavioral health provider is seeking a seasoned administrative professional with advanced management skills to oversee all aspects of operations of large DA IOP/OP program in Philadelphia. Must be able to work independently in a system that demands a very high degree of accountability. Master’s preferred, Bachelor’s will be considered. Minimum of 3 years supervisory experience in human services required; clinical exp-erience and extensive knowledge of DDAP regs are essential. We provide competitive compensation and benefits packages. Send resume to: careers@wedgepc.com www.wedgepc.com Please include salary requirements. Equal Opportunity Employer

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Man w/ car des driving/errands work. Exp, reliable, REASONABLE. 215-713-6240 Woman des Home Health Care pos. Exp, Reliable, Refs. w/Car. Call 267-581-4289

65xx Grays Ave. 1br $550 Very nice area for appointment to view call 610-322-3416

7xx S 51st St. Efficiency $550 3rd flr, Section 8 ok. Call 610-812-6352

jobs SITE DIRECTOR

Farmworker Positions

56xx Ridge Wood St. 3BR/1BA $795 " " 1BR/1BA $425 Hardwood floors. Call 267-808-3347

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13xx N 61st St 1br $525+utils 1st, last & sec, w/w crpt 267.278.1492 1406 N. 52ND newly renov 1BR, $600/ mo, $1800 to move in. 610-454-0292 200 N. 52nd St 1 & 2BR Nr new El transp. Call 484.358.0761 2xx N 63rd St. Efficiency $57 5/m o. $1200move in nw kit/ba 610.772.4373 51 North 63rd St. 2BR/1BA $675 Call 267-592-7150 540 N. 52nd St. 1 BR Newly renov. 215.525.5800 lic# 333911 55th & Wyalusing 2 BR $575 + utils. Very good condition. Call 215-836-2476

5928 Chestnut St. 2BR/1BA $650 w/w carpet, extra clean, 215-471-1314 6xx Hazel Ave. 3BR $650 Move in $1800. 321-728-7402 Parkside Area 1br- 4br $700-$1,600 Newly renov, new kitch. & bath, hdwd flrs, Section 8 OK. Call 267-324-3197 W. Phila 2, 3 & 4br apts Avail Now Move in Special! 215-386-4791 or 4792

828 Wynnewood Rd 1 large BR $750 Great 1st flr apt, porch and priv backyard. Call (267)250-2178 Apartment Homes $625-$995 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

3940 Lankenau Ave. 2BR/1BA, $825+ utilis W/D, C/A, W/W. 267-307-1379 Balwynne Park 2BR $850+utils W/D, C/A, W/W. Call 215-219-6409

18th & Erie Ave. two 1BR’s $500-$540 +utils. Great location, near transportation, non-smoking. Call 215-704-6938 23xx N 17th St 2br $565+elec 1st flr, 1 mo rent, 1 mo sec. 215-681-6967 North Broad St. 1BR $600/mo. XL Room. $400/mo. Call 267-882-3423

1,2, 3, 4 Bedroom FURNISHED APTS LAUNDRY-PARKING 215-223-7000

PA Territory

CST Products located in Pedricktown, NJ, seeks individual with 4-6 yrs marketing experience. Strong computer skills a must. Email resume to eric@cstpavers.com

45xx Old York Rd 1br $585+utils Large, 1st,last & security 215-791-2125 4616 N. 11th St. 1BR/1BA $550 1mo., rent, 1mo. sec., newly renov., backyard. 215-924-6473 or 215-548-8354

5000 N. 8th St. 1 BR 1 BA $650+elec 1 mo rent & 1 mo sec. Call 267-816-6907.

Fox Chase - Chandler 2BR $825 2nd flr w/d hkup,bsmt stor 215.785.0819

Broad & Windrim 1BR Newly renov., must see. 215-885-1700

Lexington Pk 2br/2ba $900 Lg rms, gar. Good credit a must. 1st last & sec. $2700 - move in! Call 570-974-1858

LOGAN 2BR/1BA $900 Basement apartment priv ent., fridge incl. Call 215-324-3434

5853 N. Camac

UPPER DARBY Efficiency $495 w/w, conv. to trans/shopping. Call 610-358-2438

6021 N. Park Ave 1 BR $600+ 1 month & security. (215)480-6460

NORTH PHILADELPHIA 1br/1ba $125/wk, newly ren, 267-515-2481

1BR $660+utils 2BR $700+utils Renov., 267-271-6601 or 215-416-2757

60XX Warnock 1 BR $595+ nr Fernrock Train Station,215-276-8534 Broad & Olney lrg 1BR Nice Must see Sec.8 ok 267-254-8446

21st/Erie Ave. Rooms $85/wk-$100/wk. quiet. Call 215-982-0832 2435 W. Jefferson St. Rooms: $375/mo. Move in fee: $565. Call 215-913-8659

3730 N Bouvier St. 1br $600 2 mo sec 1 mo rent, call 215-275-5637

2500 W Lehigh, Studio, pvt BA, Ent & Kit $135/wk, $405 mv in, 267.250.0761 2512 CLEVELAND St. $300-$350/month. 267-240-0611

1 BR & 2 BR Apts $735-$835 spacious, great loc., upgraded, heat incl, PHA vouchers accepted 215-966-9371

5220 Wayne Ave. Studio, 1Br on site lndry, 215-525-5800 Lic# 507568 5321 Wayne Ave. Efficiency $550, 1br $625, 2br $700 215-776-6277 Seymour or Greene 1br $585- $700 incl. heat & water Call 610-287-9857

GREENE & HARVEY -Winter Special Luxury Garden type 1BR’s. Newly decor’d, w/w, g/d, a/c, cable ready, Laundry/off st prkg. Nr transp 215-275-1457 215-233-3322

66TH ST-STUDIOS, 1&2BR start’g @ $575. Handicap access, heat /wtr/gas incl! Sec 8ok! 215-768-8243

4711 Leiper St. Studio renovated, lic#493309 215-525-5800 4840 Oxford Ave Studio, 1Br, 2Br Ldry, 24/7 cam lic#214340 215.525.5800 Frankford & Oxford 1BR $600 Also Efficiency, $500, utils incl. We speak Spanish. Call 215-620-6261

1613 Dyre St 1br $525+elec near transp., 215-694-8056 58xx Rising Sun Ave. 2BR $600+utils 54xx N. 5th St. 2BR $750+utils Call Tom at 215-459-3564 or Tony at 646-853-1506

4508 N. Broad St. Rooms: $375/mo. Move in fee: $565. Call 215-913-8659 50th W. Girard Ave. spacious room $475. Table ready room. 215-609-6741 53xx N. Broad St. Rm & Apt. Full fridge, 27" TV, AC, 267-496-6448 59th Street S. near El, furn. room, a/c, fridge, $90/wk., $90 sec. 215-472-8119 Broad/Olney lg delux furn priv BA, priv Ent $145/$110 wk sec $200 215.572.8833

BENSALEM 1br $800 + utils. CA, W/D, avail now. 215-669-8688

282 S. 56th St. 4br/1.5ba $1,050 Lg. LR, DR, backyard. 267-784-4500 2BR & 3BR Houses Sec. 8 Welcome Beautifully renovated Call (267)981-2718

34 N Redfield St. 3br/1ba $1000 New reno, sec. 8 ok. Call (215)748-3076 57xx Pine 4BR/1BA Call Barbara at 215-802-2720 891 N 51st 3Br $850/mo newly renov , porch, bckyrd all appls, Sec 8 Welc. 267-228-4538 58xx Pentridge 3br/1.5ba $900+utils W/D, lg bkyd, bsmt. Call 267.671.7403 980 N. 66th Street 3br/1.5ba $995 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900 23xx N. 18th St. Lrg 4br/1ba Newly updated, Hardwood flrs, ceramic tiles kitchen and bath. Sec 8 ok. Please call 1-877-371-7368 3219 N. Bambrey 3BR/1BA $650 2mo. sec. 1mo. rent. Close to shopping, transp., & schools. 215-924-3292

Upper Darby Lg. 2BR $850 + utils. Excel. cond. sec 8 ok, 610-284-5631

NORRISTOWN 800 blk Haws Ave 3BR, porch, yard, clean, sec 8 ok! $1200. Mr James 215-766-1795

automotive FORD 2003 E350, Super Duty, 18 pass mini bus, new tires, SS wheels, orig mi., B/O. 215-627-1814

Jeep Cherokee 4x4 2001 $5950 Runs great, very clean, (610)802-1014 Lexus Hybrid GS450 2007 $29,000 Mint condition, 56k miles. 610-299-5198 Toyota 2001 Full size 4 door tundra pick up, perhaps the finest available, senior citizen BO. Call 215-922-5342 Volvo 2003 CrossCountry $5,975 lux 4 dr, 9 pass, station wagon, quick, priv., sale. 215-922-5342

Divorce Liquidation- autographed guitar collection, Eagles, Clapton, McCartney, others. Valued over $2500 each asking $475 each Au thenticity & appraisal 561-880-7352

Junk Cars & Trucks Wanted, $400, Call 856-365-2021

A1 PRICES FOR JUNK CARS FREE TOW ING , Call (215) 726-9053

Broad & Wyoming, 60th & Market Fully furn., $200 sec., $100-$125/wk SSI/VA ok. Call 267-784-9284

LOGAN-4BR twin house + 3BR row. Rent - Sec 8 OK! 267-312-9977.

low cost cars & trucks

FRANKFORD / NORTHEAST , Newly renov, nicely furnished, A/C, W/D, cable, clean, safe & secure. Call (267) 253-7764

2xx W. Rubicam 3br/1ba $850 Section 8 ok. Call 267-230-0513

Cadillac DeVille DTS 2002 $3,450 Black, 17in. chrome, roof 267-592-0448

Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (267)988-5890 Germantown Area. Spacious rooms for rent. Call Sheldon at 267-979-9387 Mt Airy, 61xx Chew Ave, Univ City 41xx Popular $85-$125/wk. 215-242-9124 Mt. Airy spacious rooms, $400/mo., kitch. use, $25 application (215)924-3292 NE, cable, house privileges, SSI ok, $125/wk. $300 dep. Call 267-269-7265

NICE TOWN 2br $750 + 1st mo. & sec. 215-763-5565 4xx Clapiers 5BR $1,000 1st/last/sec, Sec 8 OK. 718-882-2173

Washington Lane and Chew vic, 3br $950 +utils, sec 8 ok, 215-432-5047

OAK LANE $100-$125/week. Furnished rooms include use of house. Call 215280-4675

SOUTHWEST Newly renov, nice ly furnished , A/C, W/D, cable, clean, safe & secure. Call (267) 253-7764

Wayne/Manheim $155/wk Furn, priv bath & kit. 1st flr. 215-783-4736 WEST/SOUTHWEST Newly renov, nicely furnished, A/C, W/D, cable, clean, safe & secure. Call (267) 253-7764

W Phila & G-town: Newly ren lg, lux rms /apts very peaceful SSI ok, 267.255.8665

Chevy Impala SS 2005 $4,450 S/Charger, leather, roof 267-592-0448 Chrysler Sebring Convert. 2004 $3,995 90K, touring, gorgeous. 610-524-8835 Dodge Intrepid Eagle Vision ESI 1994 $950 all powers, runs exc, insp. 215.620.9383 1999 $1650 Ford Escort ZX2 2 door, auto, loaded, clean. 215-518-8808 FORD TAURUS 1999 $3,300 Excellent condition. 610-872-0236

North Phila - Rooms for rent, SSI ok, utils. incl. Call 267-702-7927 N. Phila: clean, modern rms, use of kit, no drugs,reasonable rent. 215-232-2268

Chevy Cavalier 1991 $995 auto., 109k, insp., runs exc, 215.620.9383

31xx Weikel 5br/2ba $1,000 + util. 3 mo. to move in Sec. 8 ok. Alleghany/Aramingo. Call 215-779-1512

2002 $1650 Ford Taurus SE 4door, loaded, clean. 215-518-8808

52xx Deffield 3BR $650+utils Call Tom at 215-459-3564 or Tony at 646-853-1506

Honda Civic EX 2001 $3500 135k miles. Black. Call (215)939-5516

11xx Sanger 3br/1ba $900 Fnshd bsmnt, W/D. Call 215-601-5182 62xx Brous St. 3BR $825+utils 59xx Reach St. 3BR $800+utils 53xx Westford St. 3BR $800+utils Call Tom at 215-459-3564 or Tony at 646-853-1506 Bridge & Pratt 3BR $900 + utils Large, hardwood flrs, backyard. Call 215-613-8989 or 267-746-8696

Honda Accord LX 2000 $3,495 Sedan, auto, gorgeous. 610-524-8835

Lincoln Town Car 1995 $1,300/OBO Insp. 9/13, 1 owner, 245K, excel. mechanical & body cond., air. Call 267-319-6024

Mercury Sable GS 1998 $1350 Mint, all powers, runs new, 215.620.9383 1995 $1550 Nissan Maxima Auto, insp., runs new 215.620.9383 Toyota Corolla (Prizm) 1997 $1350 5spd, 39mpg, new clutch 215.620.9383 VOLVO V70 1999 $2,400 177K mi. looks & runs great. 610.613.7421

We’ll keep an eye on them. You keep an eye on us. Nobody keeps watch on local government like we do. To see what we see, get home delivery of the Daily News. Just call 215-665-1234.

Bridesburg / Torresdale 2br/1.5ba Sec 8 welcome. Beautiful newly renovated 2nd flr loft apt, C/A, granite countertops, W/D, fridge, $900+ Call 215-399-6251

13xx N. Wanamaker St. 3BR/1BA $850 1st, last, 1mo. sec. req’d. 267-255-1895

Broad & Somerville clean, furn, newly decorated, near transp. 215-455-7488

Overbrook $450/mo, Must see, immediate move in 267-721-7345 88xx Cottage St. 2 BR $800+ utils renov, hrdwd flrs, gar. 610.202.2454

19xx S. Salford 2br/1ba $675+utils $2100 move in fee. 267-249-6645 60xx S. Trinity 3br $725 1st, last, sec. Avail. Feb 1st. 215-365-4567 65xx Allman St. 3br $750/mo. New remod, come see! 215-463-2403 Elmwood Area 3BR/1BA $750+utils Modern house, sec. 8 ok. 215.726.8817

UPPER DARBY - 6 Elm Ave. 3BR/1BA $1100 2 living rooms, dining room, garage, porch. Call 917-400-3650

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J A N U A R Y 3 1 - F E B R U A R Y 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

6251 N. 15th 2Br/1Ba $825+ near trans, 2+1, Sec 8 ok. 267-901-2450

25th & Clearfield, 55th & Media, 1BR apt 60th and Kingsessing Ave. Share Kitch. & Bath, $350 & up, no securi ty deposit, SSI OK. Call 267-888-1754

11th & Wolf 3br $975 3mo. needed to move-in. 484-857-7072 1808 S. 5th St. 2BR/1BA $850 New reno, sec 8 ok. Call 215-748-3076

UPPER DARBY 3BR $975 enclosed porch, garage, 610.908.9330

classifieds

12X Delphine St., Lg 2BR 1BA $850 plus electric. Free Heat & HT Wtr. Just Renovated. Hwd Flr. John 443-271-6466

PHILMONT HEIGHTS 2BR $825+utils 2nd floor, new kitch, fridge, W/D, w/w & paint, garage. Call 267-467-1596

homes for rent

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

apartment marketplace

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J A N U A RY 3 1 - F E B R U A RY 6 , 2 0 1 3 CALL 215-735-8444

Village Belle Restaurant and Bar

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chilly outside, stop in to try our new winter beers Queen Village charm at the picturesque Village Belle 757 South Front St Corner of Fitzwater Street in Queens Village 215-551-2200 www.thevillagebelle.com

HAPPY HOUR AT THE DIVE FREE PIZZA! $2 BEER OF THE WEEK! $2 WELL DRINKS! ITâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S AMAZING! PASSYUNK AVE (7th & CARPENTER) 215-465-5505 myspace.com/thedivebar

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ROUGUE DOUBLE MOCHA PORTER BROOKLYN DRY IRISH STOUDT BOULDER IMPERIAL CEZANNE APPALACHIAN IPA NESHAMINY CREEK DOUBLE BOCH SIX POINT SWEET ACTION ON THE CORNER OF 10TH & WATKINS STREETS IN SOUTH PHILADELPHIA.

PRIVATE PARTIES AVAILABLE 757 south front street, at ďŹ tzwater. 215-551-2200 www.thevillagebelle.com

LE BUS SANDWICHES AT THE EL BAR!?!?! Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s true! Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re here and delivered daily! 1356 North Front Street 215-634-6430

HAPPY HOUR AT THE ABBAYE $2 OFF ALL DRAFTS $3 WELL DRINKS $5 HAPPY HOUR MENU Only at the Abbaye 637 N. 3rd Street (215) 627-6711 www.THEABBAYE.net

My Fetish Valentine

200+ steel boned corsets in stock size S-8XL Rubber-Leather-KiltsMore by 26 designers. Free gift packaging (while supplies last) PASSIONAL Boutique 704 S. 5th St. Noon-10PM, 7 days a week www.passionalboutique.com

My Sexual Valentine

Guaranteed-quality, body-safe sexuality products, lubricants, male room, sex-ed classes, fetish gear, Aphrodite Gallery Free gift packaging (while supplies last) SEXPLORATORIUM 620 South 5th Street www.sexploratoriumstore.com

Pizzeria DiMeoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

STUDY GUITAR W/ THE BEST David Joel Guitar Studio

Philadelphia Eddies 621 Tattoo Haven 621 South 4th St (Middle of Tattoo Row) 215-922-7384 Open 7 Days

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE MENTION THIS AD FOR A FREE GLASS OF WINE

TOP PRICES PAID. No collection too small or large! We buy everything! Call Jon at 215-805-8001 or e-mail dingo15@hotmail.com

12 Years of experience. Offering personal fitness training, nutrition counseling, and flexibility training. Specialize in osteoporosis, injuries, special needs. In home or at 12th Street Gym. MCKFitness@yahoo.com

AWARD WINNING, WORLD FAMOUS CUSTOM STUDIO ARTISTIC TATTOOING!

DINNER TUES-THURS 5-10, FRI-SAT 5-11, LUNCH, SAT 11-4, SUN BRUNCH 10:30-3:30

I BUY RECORDS, CDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S, DVDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

Building Blocks to Total Fitness

All Styles All Levels. Former Berklee faculty member. Masters Degree with 27 yrs. teaching experience. 215.831.8640 www.myphillyguitarlessons.com

village belle

Low Cost Health Insurance!

Health, Life, Dental Insurance www.PHILADELPHIABENEFITSGROUP.COM CALL TODAY!!! 800-551-6880, 24 hours/ 7 days a week Get Rates and Apply Online

LAS VEGAS LOUNGE

Serving 20 oz Drafts, NOT 16. SIZE DOES MATTER. 704 Chestnut Street 215-592-9533 www.LasVegasLounge.com

Voted â&#x20AC;&#x153;Top 50 Pizzas in the Countryâ&#x20AC;? Ristorante Napoletano True wood-fired Neapolitan Pizza BYOB 8500 Henry Ave. (Andora Shopping Center) 215-621-6134 full menu at www.pizzeriadimeos.com

I Love You, I Hate You LIVE! Feb. 11th from 5â&#x20AC;&#x201C;8pm @ Chrisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Jazz CafĂŠ, 1421 Sansom Street $15 adv/$20 door Info & Tix @ azukatheatre.org

SEMEN DONORS NEEDED

Healthy, College Educated Men 18-39 ~ $150/Sample WWW.123DONATE.COM

ACHTUNG BABY, BGIERSTUBE B ERMAN IERGARTEN BURGERS, BRATS AND 200+ BEERS FO SHIZZLE MA SCHNITZEL! 206 Market St. 215-922-2958

A HOUSE OF LAGERS

Mon-Wed 5pm-2am, Thurs-Sun 11am-2am

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