Philadelphia City Paper, January 2nd, 2014

Page 1

c typaper [ p h i l a d e l p h i a ]

NEWS | Impact of the Lynn reversal

FOOD | Pops of Top Chefs : ARTS | Bowlby doubles up

PHILADELPHIA’ S I N DEPE N DE N T W EE K LY N E W S PAPE R

Jan. 2 - Jan. 8, 2014 #1492 |

www.citypaper.net

The Bigger Picture An eagle’S-eye view of our city Photos by Neal Santos



C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

3


cpstaff

ellelauri

Wa SfQWbSR b] O\\]c\QS bVS ]^S\W\U ]T ]c` <3E @3B/7: AB=@3

Bring in the New Year with a bang 7\Q`SRWPZS aSZSQbW]\ ]T <Se GSO`¸a 3dS R`SaaSa O\R OQQSaa]`WSa

20% Sale ]\ OZZ 6]ZWROg ;S`QVO\RWaS OTbS` 1V`Wab[Oa

Visit our new location

T H E S H O P S AT L I B E RT Y P L AC E $ # 1VSab\cb Ab`SSb >VWZORSZ^VWO >/ ' !

$% $!' $$%

BVW\Ua B] /QQ][^ZWaV 7\ BVS <Se GSO`(

• Get in shape • Give to those in need • Spend more time with family and friends...

We’ve got you covered. 1VSQY ]TT OZZ g]c` <Se GSO`¸a @Sa]ZcbW]\a ]\ ;/@16 'B6 Ob bVS

We made this

Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Lillian Swanson Senior Editor Patrick Rapa Arts Editor/Copy Chief Emily Guendelsberger Digital Media Editor/Movies Editor Paulina Reso Food Editor/Listings Editor Caroline Russock Senior Staff Writer Daniel Denvir Staff Writer Ryan Briggs Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Associate Web Producer Carly Szkaradnik Contributors Sam Adams, Dotun Akintoye, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Bryan Bierman, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Mark Cofta, Alison Dell, Adam Erace, David Anthony Fox, Caitlin Goodman, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Alli Katz, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79� Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Annette Monnier, John Morrison, Michael Pelusi, Sameer Rao, Elliott Sharp, Marc Snitzer, Tom Tomorrow, John Vettese, Nikki Volpicelli, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns John Corrigan, Taylor Farnsworth, Melvin Hayes, Sara Patterson, Brooks Phelps, Julie Zeglen Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designers Brenna Adams, Jenni Betz Staff Photographer Neal Santos Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Sales & Marketing Manager Katherine Siravo (ext. 251) Account Managers Colette Alexandre (ext. 250), Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Amanda Gambier (ext. 228), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Megan Musser (ext. 215), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel citypaper.net 30 South 15th Street, Fourteenth Floor, Phila., PA 19102. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-735-8444 ext. 241, Listings Fax 215-875-1800, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235

Philadelphia.backonmyfeet.org/event/philly5miler

3<B3@ B= E7< B7193BA /B 17BG>/>3@ <3B E7< SOUTHERN FRANCE & BORDEAUX REGION

Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright Š 2013, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public.

TRAVEL LIKE A FRENCH TOURIST WITH A L’ECOLE FRANCAISE

contents This is where things are

VISIT alecolefrancaise.com & ASK FOR BROCHURE OR CALL 610 660 9645

Naked City ...................................................................................6 A&E...................................................................................................9 Agenda........................................................................................12

“BON VOYAGE�!

Cover story ...............................................................................13

WHAT A GREAT GIFT!

Food ..............................................................................................21 COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY NEAL SANTOS DESIGN BY RESECA PESKIN

4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T


C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

5


naked

the

city

thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ +1 ]

Buzzfeed names Frankford Hall one of the most popular bars in America. Which is huge, considering Buzzfeed is tied for the most Pulitzers ever won by an all-listicle link-aggregation platform.

[ -4 ]

Northeast High is forced to cancel its simulated space mission program due to budget cuts. As a gesture of goodwill, students from Penn Alexander promise to send postcards from their next field trip to outer fucking actual space.

[ -1 ]

According to the Department of Health, the flu is “widespread” across the state. “Am I worried I’m spreading myself too thin?” asks the flu. “Of course. But in this business, it’s all about reaching out. Licking hands and sneezing on babies.”

[ +1 ]

Lankenau Heart Institute surgeon Dr. Francis Sutter performs his 1,000th robot-assisted heart procedure. “And, one day, I hope to do one on my own,” he says. “Like, if there’s a power outage or something.”

[ +1 ]

[ +1 ]

[ -3 ]

CONVICTION REVERSED: Msgr. William Lynn is surrounded by supporters as he heads to Philadelphia Common Pleas Court in this 2012 file photo. The state Superior Court last week reversed his conviction and ordered him released “forthwith” from prison. A judge on Monday set bail at $250,000. COURTESY OF NORTHEAST TIMES/MARIA POUCHNIKOVA

[ opinion ]

Readers of the Philadelphia Business Journal vote Drexel president John A. Fry is the Philadelphia Business Person of the Year. Buzzfeed agrees: “At first we thought he was crazy, but what happened next was that moment when your faith in humanity gets restored in five astonishing ways!”

MORE CURVES AHEAD?

Bond-rating agency Standard & Poor’s raises Philadelphia’s general-obligationbond rating from an A- to an A+, the city’s highest ever. And all we had to do was stop educating minority children.

he overturning of a criminal conviction is a rare event, with the odds of it occurring at less than 5 percent. Reversals in the criminal courts are “like diamonds,” as one local defense lawyer put it. So it was a shocker on Dec. 26 when a panel of three state Superior Court judges unanimously ruled that the landmark conviction of Monsignor William J. Lynn should be reversed and he should be “discharged forthwith” from prison. There may be more surprises when the alleged victim in the Lynn case takes the stand next June, when his civil case against the Archdiocese of Philadelphia is scheduled to go to trial. Lynn, former secretary for clergy for the archdiocese from 1992 to 2004, was the first Catholic administrator in the country to go to jail for the sexual sins of the clergy — not for touching a child, but for failing to rein in the predator priests he supervised. Though it reversed his 2012 conviction, the Superior Court judges noted there was evidence that he “prioritized the archdiocese’s reputation over the safety of potential victims.”

Dulary the elephant, a resident of the Philadelphia Zoo for 40 years, dies at a sanctuary in Tennessee. Her parting words: “Do not cry for me. I have led a rich, full life. I have walked all 1,200 square feet of this planet we call Earth. I have seen all seven trees. I have tasted every type of food you can imagine, from hay to vitamin pellets. And so I die with no regrets at the age of 50, which is surely the exact natural age at which an elephant should die.”

This week’s total: -4 | Last week’s total: -5 6 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

An analysis of the likely fallout from a Superior Court decision to reverse Monsignor William Lynn’s conviction in the high-profile Philly priest sex-abuse scandal. By Ralph Cipriano

T

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

So, what will be the impact of the Lynn reversal? In the short term, Lynn, the scapegoat for the sins of the local archdiocese, is going to be released from prison on $250,000 bail after serving 18 months of a 3- to 6-year sentence. For the monsignor, it’s a legal victory with a bitter aftertaste. The Superior Court confirmed what a grand jury and a former district attorney had decided back in 2005, before District Attorney Seth Williams took office and reversed course: That under the law, Lynn should have never been charged with the crime that sent him to jail, namely endangering the welfare of a child. The state’s 1972 child endangerment law originally applied only to adults who had direct contact with children, such as parents, guardians or teachers. Lynn never met the alleged victim in his case; the law has since been amended to include supervisors such as Lynn. Lynn, 62, who professed only to be following his archbishop’s orders, may want to return to his former quiet life as pastor of St. Joseph Church in Downingtown. But it’s hard to believe that the archdiocese would be willing to take the heat that would accompany restoring Lynn to his former position. The big losers in the Lynn reversal are M. Teresa Sarmina, the judge who presided over the show trial that sent Lynn up the river, and DA Williams, who just lost the biggest trophy head from his selfdescribed “historic” prosecution of the church. The DA has already

The reversal of a criminal conviction is a rare event.

>>> continued on adjacent page


[ is flying over philadelphia ] ✚ More Curves Ahead? <<< continued from previous page

announced he’ll appeal the case to the state Supreme Court. The Superior Court judges who reversed Lynn’s conviction described Sarmina’s handling of the case as “fundamentally flawed.” In the legal world, that’s like being called a moron. Sadly, the Superior Court didn’t look at the way Williams handled this prosecution. As far as I’m concerned, Lynn isn’t the only guy behind bars who deserves to get out of jail. I’m no fan of the local archdiocese. I’ve been publicly denounced by the late Cardinal Anthony Bevilacqua, and described by his former spokesman, Brian Tierney, as a “low-grade virus that keeps coming back.” So I’m the last guy you would expect to be sticking up for anybody at the archdiocese. But I covered the Lynn trial as a blogger, and it was a travesty. Sarmina made so many rulings in favor of the district attorney that I wrote she was “often mistaken for a member of the prosecution team.” The judge allowed into evidence 21 supplemental cases of sex abuse, to show a pattern of conduct in the archdiocese. The cases dated back to 1948, three years before Lynn was born. A later prosecution by the DA put two other priests in jail, as well as a Catholic schoolteacher. All were convicted on the testimony of one alleged victim, a former 10-year-old altar boy described in a 2011 grand jury report as “Billy Doe.” It is Billy Doe and his parents who have filed the civil lawsuit against the Archdiocese of Philadelphia seeking compensation for his suffering. Will the Lynn reversal have any spillover effect on the other defendants now in jail, or on the ongoing civil case? No and no. The other three defendants — former priest Edward V. Avery, Father Charles Engelhardt and former teacher Bernard Shero

— were sent to jail for sex abuse as well as endangering the welfare of a child. And, unless the archdiocese rolls over, the civil case will come down to the credibility of Billy Doe, an issue untouched by the Superior Court decision that reversed Lynn’s conviction. Depite the verdicts handed down by juries, and even though I know victims of sex abuse often go on to have tormented lives, I came to believe that Billy Doe, the DA’s star witness, has zero credibility. He’s a former heroin addict and thief arrested six times as an adult, including one bust for possession with intent to distribute 56 bags of heroin. Though he testified to being a helpless altar boy being passed around among three predators in the late 1990s at a parish in Northeast Philly, not one scrap of evidence has been recovered, nor has one witness come forward to support his story, which changed multiple times. There’s also the matter of the archdiocese’s secret archive files, 45,000 pages of records that featured prominently in Lynn’s trial. The files catalogue 40 years of sex abuse, revealing 169 predator priests and the suffering of hundreds of child victims. But Billy Doe isn’t mentioned in those files; he made his allegations in 2009, after the 2005 grand jury report that first exposed the depths of clerical depravity in Philadelphia. But there is no instance in those files of a predator passing along a child victim to another predator. So, the way I see it, that Superior Court opinion declaring Lynn innocent of the crime he was charged with was a good start, but the whole truth has yet to come out.

The judge and the D.A. are the big losers here.

✚ Read more coverage of the Lynn story at bigtrial.net.

photostream ➤ submit to photostream@citypaper.net

RAGE IS BACK: Pedestrians cast long shadows on Dec. 26 as they pass by a graffiti-covered wall in the Italian Market on Ninth Street, just south of Washington Avenue. DAMON LANDRY

editor’sletter By Lillian Swanson

A SMALL TOKEN OF THANKS ➤ WE THOUGHT WE’D BEGIN the New Year by

giving you, our City Paper readers, a small present, a token of thanks for your loyalty to this alt weekly, which is always looking for new ways to change the conversation in Philly. That’s why you’ll find at the center of the issue, spread over two pages, a stunning aerial photograph of Philadelphia, with a 2014 calendar running along the bottom border. We’re hoping you’ll pull out this calendar and post it on your wall. The black-and-white image is the centerpiece of a photo essay that staff photographer Neal Santos created. A weekend after Philly was blanketed in snow, Neal went up in a small helicopter and flew over the city for about an hour. He took photos with two professional cameras and an iPhone. Only a harness kept him from falling out the open door as he clicked away. For space reasons, we had to limit the essay in print to six photos. But space isn’t an issue online, so we are able to offer online readers a special treat — a slideshow of 25 photos at our website, citypaper.net. Some of the images are on CP’s account on Instagram, too — at phillycitypaper. It is part of journalism’s mission to take readers to places they haven’t gone before. We can’t claim that our readers haven’t seen Philly from the sky, because we know many of them have hung between the earth and moon when taking off, circling or landing at Philadelphia International Airport. But what you get to experience here is a bit different. Instead of getting a glimpse out a window, this gives you a chance to pore over the images at your leisure and see what they reveal. My favorite photo — which captures the Italian Market — appears only online. The image shows much of the market outlined in black and white, with the red and green awnings forming a pattern that is reminiscent of keys on a piano. I’ve only viewed the Italian Market from Rockylevel — a narrow street interrupted by burn barrels. Neal’s image from above, with the colors of the Italian flag, made me stop and think anew of how the market is a remnant from another time. See which photographs speak to you, and make you stop and wonder once again about this place we call home. (lswanson@citypaper.net)

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

7


10

% Your Next Purchase ;cab >`SaS\b 1]c^]\

OFF

DOZWR Ob ;b 3^V`OW[ =\Zg 3fQZcRSa /:: AOZS 7bS[a ! >OQYa 9SUa " :b` 8cU # :b` 0]f EW\Sa 2WaQ]c\b C^ B] :]eSab >`WQS /ZZ]eSR 0g :Oe 1O\\]b 0S Q][PW\SR EWbV /\g =bVS` 2WaQ]c\b

2@7D3 / :7BB:3 A/D3 / :=B

R D]bS POZZa b S b ; O µ0Sa S C A ¶ W\ bV Pg .com dwine n a d o fo

6=:72/G 1/B3@7<5 0 G= 0

! ;SObPOZZ ;]\ROga( ! [SObPOZZ aO\ReWQV % # ]` ! [SObPOZZa eWbV ^OabO ' # ! 1]c`aS Ac\ROg( QOSaO` ^OabO [SObPOZZa V][S[ORS P`SOR ^cRRW\U

EOZ\cb Ab`SSb Â’ # !& &!! 8 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T


a&e

artsmusicmoviesmayhem

icepack By A.D. Amorosi

➤ SAVE FOR THE year my mom died, and the

other one in which crullers lost their traction as a viable stock option (I soaked a lot of money into Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc.), 2013 has been the Worst Year Ever. But you know as much. That’s why, for the first of my 2014 predictions, I’m betting that this year will be better than the last. It just has to be. And now, let’s look into my crystal ball… ➤ Now that American Hustle (with its fictionalized account of the Abscam scandal) is a big hit, expect wonky filmmakers to turn their wild imaginations loose on other Philly/N.J. bigwigs from the ’70s and ’80s. Look for director Steve McQueen’s The Hillel Levinson Story and Spike Jonze’s Taking It to the (Milton) Street at a cineplex near you. ➤ For all you food bloggers: With locals having already wrapped their heads and aprons around Philly’s culinary iconography a la high-end cheesesteaks and pizza, 2014 will be the year of the designer soft pretzel. Certainly gluten-free. Look for Vetri to roll them in mortadella, ricotta and pistachio pesto, Michael Solomonov to stuff them with hummus and kalamata olives at Zahav and ginger-glaze them (no more than 10 a day, though) at Federal Donuts, Noord’s Joncarl Lachman to dip them in mustard soup and Peter Serpico to surround them with Cope’s Corn. ➤ Trap music mixes are out. Bear trap mixes are in. Not hurting bears, mind you; just capturing the sound of steel teeth shutting repeatedly and hypnotically. Go ahead, DJs, tell me you’re not running for your samplers, putting on your duck boots and heading out into the Pines. ➤ Beardos beware: The wild furry look will be out, the tapered Van Dyke will be in. Say goodnight, Jason Kelce. ➤ Bored, photo bloggers and Instagrammers will start doing court sketches with charcoals as a hobby. Look for lots of hand cramps as the new ailment. ➤ This part isn’t jokey at all, really: Philly’s two hottest bar and restaurant areas are going to be 1) East Passyunk Avenue (Again? Again!) with the now-vacant St. Jude Shop as the property for restaubar entrepreneurs to snag. 2) Frankford Avenue, especially with La Colombe’s rum-andcoffee café, Tommy Up’s tiki bar, the project formerly known as B-Side bar (now called Kensington Quarters) from the Bufad boys, and — big news here — Stephen Starr and Aimee Olexy’s latest partnership, a casual-cuisine-filled, extra-wide, mega-restaubar with a huge outdoor component that’ll open on the Frank before 2014’s end, very near the La Colombe space. Happy New Year indeed. ➤ More ice? See citypaper.net/nakedcity. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

PAIR OF HAIR SQUARES: Astrid Bowlby’s show at Gallery Joe involves two iterations of each square canvas on display — some of which have odd materials, like Scoopy Peanut (a and b), made from cat hair and bubble gum.

re:view Annette Monnier on visual art

ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR ME ➤ ASTRID BOWLBY has a problem many artists would kill for: Her works sell too fast, disappearing into private collections, perhaps never again to be seen by the artist who made them. This probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to those who would happily exchange some of their artwork for money. But it’s difficult to grow as an artist if your work constantly evaporates before you have time to live with it, know it and reflect on it. The Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts alumna and current visiting critic used to try to recreate from memory some of the works she’d sold, but she always found the resuscitations wanting. “Sample(d)(r),” currently at Gallery Joe, is Bowlby’s interesting solution to getting some quality time with her own work. The immaculately white gallery walls showcase 30 of Bowlby’s 9-inch-by-9-inch squares, hung in isolated pairs with titles like Pencil Stencil (version 3, a and b). Each pair comprises two panels that are similar as twins, but not identical — each individual square is an original work of art created by the artist’s hand, not a print. Only one square out of each set is for sale; the other is reserved for Bowlby to keep. You might buy one, but you could

never own both. Bowlby is known for creating room-sized installations out of ink drawings on paper, like Everything, in which the artist attempted to live-draw “everything” (i.e., hundreds of objects from coat hangers to fire hydrants to farm animals, and including requests from the general public) with black ink on several long rolls of paper over the course of the installation at the University of Southern Maine earlier this year. Everything, like so many of her works, was sold; the enormous piece is now in a second incarnation an hour outside Philly at SEI Investments in Oaks, Pa., home of the West Collection. Bowlby’s smaller works are usually meticulous drawings made with layers of obsessive mark-marking, and some of the pairs of works in “Sample(d)(r)” are of this type: Chrysanthemum, a close-up of a flower with every petal rendered in painstaking linear detail in watercolor and colored pencil, or Flowers (version 1, a and b), a field of countless tiny generic flowers in detailed ink. The new-media panels on view are less recognizable as Bowlby’s oeuvre, and some of them are very strange. Once Upon, a ground of white luminescent spirals resembling something like Disney-princess primordial soup, is made from dried pasta, medium and acrylic paint. The coal black sea, a tar-like territory,

One square is for sale; the other is for the artist to keep.

>>> continued on page 10

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

9


✚ Re:view

[ arts & entertainment ]

<<< continued from page 9

DOUBLE BUBBLE: These two versions of Calvin as Wheelbarrow, displayed side by side in Astrid Bowlby’s “Sample(d)(r),” are close to identical, but each is a separate piece of art. (Calvin is Bowlby’s cat.)

is rendered in poppy seeds mixed with paint. Strangest of all is the mixture of white cat hair and bubble gum called Scoopy Peanut (a and b). But even the panels created with gross materials were obviously created with scrupulous care for craft and neatness — the cat hair is as perfectly squared as the ink. Everything is pretty. Each panel, though two exist, is a precious object. It’s almost difficult to detect that anything is strange in such an ordered environment, and it took reading the gallery materials to jar this writer’s brain into wondering why the duplicate panels were necessary. It might be tempting to dismiss Bowlby’s dilem-

10 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

ma as a “first world” type of problem, but making a point to hang on to one of each of this show’s panels does seem like a very smart idea. To become better at anything, you do need time to contemplate what you have done. It isn’t wrong or ridiculous to carve out the tools you need to become a greater success, to imagine a life as ordered and uncluttered as a white room full of squares exactly the same size. It is unclear what exactly the fate of the panels that Bowlby keeps will be. She may use them in a future installation, or she may just take them back to the studio from which they came and simply think about them. Sigh. It must be nice. (annette.monnier@citypaper.net) ✚ “Sample(d)(r),” through Jan. 18,

Gallery Joe, 302 Arch St., 215-592-7752, galleryjoe.com.


PHOTO BY NEAL SANTOS

ADOP

ME

BRICK!

T

1-2 YEARS OLD

I’m Brick, a playful and feisty 1-2 year old boy who’s looking for a home. The streets were no place for a nice guy like me! My goofy antics will always keep you entertained. Please come meet me!

Located on the corner of 2nd and Arch. All PAWS animals are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, and microchipped before adoption. For more information, call 215-238-9901 ext. 30 or email adoptions@phillypaws.org

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

11


agenda

the

LISTINGS@CITYPAPER.NET | JAN. 2 - JAN. 8

[ scraggly, sinewy art-pop shapes ]

MAJOR PLAYERS: Speedy Ortiz plays Golden Tea House on Saturday. EMMA ROTHENBERG-WARE

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/events. IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED: Submit information by email (listings@ citypaper.net) or enter it yourself at citypaper.net/submit-event with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

THURSDAY

1.2 [ rock/pop ]

✚ ROY ORBITRON God bless the late Roy Orbison for inspiring such wonderful band names: the electro Joy Orbison and the skanky, noisy blues act from New Jersey, Roy Orbitron. Led by singer/ 12 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

lyricist/instrumentalist Conor Meara (whom you may also know from Rasputin’s Secret Police), the lo-lo-fi Orbitron outfit may be from South Jersey, but their sound hails from lower latitudes: Think the middle ground between the swampy panhandle of Florida and hell’s fourth ring. (The Florida thing runs deep, considering that both of Meara’s bands share a split vinyl LP, Thomas Earl Petty, dedicated to the Florida rocker.) Roy Orbitron likes poking fun at rock’s royalty, though their latest album, the self-released George Harrison, has nothing to do with the quiet Beatle in its vicious blues guitar, soupy drums and low, mumbled vocals. Give this a big, but inspired, “huh.” —A.D. Amorosi Thu., Jan. 2, 8 p.m., $5, with the Spicy Draculas and Shoozer, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215-2914919, kungfunecktie.com.

FRIDAY

1.3 [ rock/pop ]

✚ PSYCHIC TEENS I predict mighty things for Philadelphia’s doomy, gloomy Psychic Teens in 2014. And perhaps this darkly atmospheric and riff-heavy outfit also knows what’s coming next. They quietly released their album COME last summer, but they opted to wait before making videos (see “Less,” where they look and sound like Bowie’s metal Tin Machine band) and playing big shows (like this week’s Boot & Saddle gig). They knew it would make more sense to do this stuff now than in the crowded summer/autumn market. Then again, the album was not the sound of prettily

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

falling leaves and bright shiny suns. With its cleaving vibe, pummeling rhythms and the dimly gloaming tone of Larry Ragone’s vocals, COME is the perfect accompaniment to bitter chills and bleak, early sunsets. Get to the Boot early for the heavy, loud sounds of Faking and Ladder Devils. —A.D. Amorosi Fri., Jan. 3, 9 p.m., $8, with Faking and Ladder Devils, Boot & Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St., 267-639-4528, bootandsaddlephilly.com.

SATURDAY

1.4 [ rock/pop ]

✚ SPEEDY ORTIZ The dream of the alternative slacker ’90s is alive and smirk-

ing in Western Mass. That’s where Speedy Ortiz’ Sadie Dupuis (I’m hoping that rhymes) wrangles her wry poet’s diction and girly-tough, conversational coo — the kind that can’t help but recall Liz Phair, Tracy Bonham, and/or Mary Timony — around whip-smart, self-skewering lyrics (“My mouth is a factory/ for every toxic part of speech I spew”). Meanwhile, her bandmates carve out scraggly, sinewy art-pop shapes redolent of Sebadoh, Built to Spill, Bettie Serveert and Sleater-Kinney. But while Major Arcana — and the forthcoming righteous re-up Real Hair EP (Carpark) — are undeniably fun excuses for hip nostalgists of a certain age to drop knowing collegerock name-checks, they’re also a huge amount of fun, packed with enough personality, caustically hilarious verse and grungy-melodic hooks to preempt any potential accusations

of stock retro posturing as just so whatever, dude. —K. Ross Hoffman Sat., Jan. 4, 8 p.m., $5-$7, with Bleeding Rainbow, Grass is Green and Hermit Thrushes, Golden Tea House.

[ steel guitar ]

✚ JIM COHEN/ LUCKY OCEANS Two steel guitars playing together and trading licks is all too rare an occurrence in Philly, and this bill in Chestnut Hill is a doozy. You know Jim Cohen; he resides here and is frequently enjoyed with Beats Walkin’. His partner for the evening, Lucky Oceans, is a former Philadelphian better known to childhood friends as Reuben Gosfield. He left town in 1970, he recalls, “to inadvertently co-found Asleep at the Wheel.” These days he lives in Australia, where he >>> continued on page 19


East Passyunk Avenue near Christian and Sixth streets.

The Bigger Picture words and photography by neal santos As staff photographer, I’ve always thought of the city’s streets as my office. The best part of my job is getting the chance to meet Philadelphians face to face, hearing their stories and making a visual record of this great city. I love being witness to the good and bad of it all as my assignments take me to every nook and corner. But the images I made had always been street-level views. Finally, I was asked to photograph our city from the

sky. So, early on Monday, Dec. 16, I boarded a two-person helicopter at an airport in Medford, N.J., and headed west to cross the Delaware. Some surprises in what I saw from above: In contrast to the sprawl of South Jersey, our city is so tight and compact. The streets form gridded veins of endless blocks, while avenues that run at a slant, like Passyunk and Germantown, are the gems that break up the monotony. While flying 1,000 feet above City

Hall with the helicopter’s door open so my camera had the clearest view, I was surprised by the smells of roasted nuts and street food wafting up from below. With a fresh covering of snow on the ground, Philadelphia is just as beautiful from above as it is on the street. In my six years as a photographer, I’ve learned to always find a way to celebrate the city. The photos selected here are simply a continuation of that celebration — only viewed from a different angle. ■

Want More? View a slideshow of many more of Neal’s photos of Philly from the air at citypaper.net.

c i t y pa p e r . n e t | J a n u a r y 2 - J a n u a r y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P h i l a d e l p h i a C i t y Pa p e r |

13




Above: Eighth and Diamond streets in North Philly. Below: I-95 near Allegheny Avenue.

16 | P h i l a d e l p h i a C i t y Pa p e r |

J a n u a r y 2 - J a n u a r y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | c i t y pa p e r . n e t


C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

17


THURSDAY 1.2 STUNTLOCO DJ SYLO LUKE GOODMAN

-----------------------------------------

FRIDAY 1.3

HOT MESS DJ APT ONE SKINNY FRIEDMAN

-----------------------------------------

SATURDAY 1.4 DJ DEEJAY

-----------------------------------------

FRIDAY 1.10

PEX VS PLAYLOOP LEE MAYJAHS? DJ EVERYDAY

-----------------------------------------

SUNDAY 1.12

2ND SUNDAE DANCE COMPETITION

-----------------------------------------

MONDAY 1.13

SAD ACTOR MARK LANKY + MORE!

www.silkcityphilly.com 5th & Spring Garden

18 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T


hosts a radio show that mixes folk and world music called The Daily Planet: “I strive to keep it interesting and love to hear people’s ideas.” In addition to his steel work, Oceans has a 20-year residency with his group, the Zydecats, in which he plays accordion. “I’ve got a weekly gig whether I want it or not,” he quips. The two steels will be backed by David Turanski on bass and David Yager on drums, playing jazz standards, country and some western swing. —Mary Armstrong Sat., Jan. 4, 8 and 9:30 p.m., $10 (plus $10 food minimum), Rollers at Flying Fish, 8142 Germantown Ave., 215-2470707, rollersrestaurants.com.

SUNDAY

1.5 [ folk ]

✚ CARYL P. WEISS MEMORIAL CONCERT Once a Philly folk-music prodigy, Caryl P. Weiss passed away a year and a half ago and hadn’t lived here for decades. Still, here comes the second annual Caryl P Memorial Con-

[ the agenda ]

cert at Mugshots. Peter Taney, another legend of the Philly folk scene, boss of Juggernaut String Band and convener of this reunion of Weiss’ old pals, explains, “People remember her well. She was a real character. They have strong memories.” As a multi-instrumentalist, Weiss sat in with anyone needing to round out their sound. As a solo artist, she dragged the young and the timid, like Jay Ansill, into her spotlight. Weiss wrote song after song, eventually leaving Philly to chase that dream career in Kerrville and Austin. Later, she returned to her beloved sailing and sea chanteys with a move to Annapolis. But she never lost her side-player chops: Taney fondly remembers he and Carl Baron last working with her at a square dance not far from her Maryland home a year to the day before she passed. Taney and the Juggernauts will host this gathering with Carl Baron, Ted Estersohn, Rusty Prall and other old friends yet to be confirmed singing the old songs and swapping stories. —Mary Armstrong Sun., Jan. 5, 2-4 p.m., free, Mugshots Coffeehouse, 1925 Fairmount Ave., 267514-7145, mugshotscoffeehouse.com.

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

19


[ klezmer ]

[ the agenda ]

✚ KLEZMER JAM When I catch up with Susan Watts on the phone, she’s up in the Catskills at Klez Kamp, the annual week of immersion in klezmer music and Yiddish culture. People travel from all over the world to study trumpet with the fourth-generation klezmorim. Back home in Philly, she hosts free klezmer jams at Main Line Reform Temple on the first Sunday of every month. You could say Watts is on a mission. “There was nothing around here. Literally nowhere to go for klezmer, for Yiddish culture,” she says about her hometown. “So I started a nonprofit, the Community Klezmer Initiative [CKI]. We are the overarching organization that puts on klezmer jams, open mics and dances.” Watts runs down a few of CKI’s highlights, like poet Jake Marmer and Yiddish dance teacher Steve Weintraub. All musicians, klezmer or not, are encouraged to sit

20 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

in on the jam. Watts has books of lead sheets, including some compositions by her legendary Philly klezmer great-grandfather, Joseph Hoffman. She encourages the merely curious to stop by as well: “You can do whatever you want! You can come and play, or sit and watch and listen, have good times with friends and family.” —Mary Armstrong Sun., Jan. 5, 1-3 p.m., free, Main Line Reform Temple, 410 Montgomery Ave., Wynnewood, 610-389-6036.

More on:

citypaper.net ✚ FOR COMPREHENSIVE EVENT LISTINGS, VISIT C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / L I S T I N G S .


f&d

foodanddrink

feedingfrenzy D A N YA H E N N I N G E R

By Caroline Russock

➤ NOW SEATING

The Fat Ham | Kevin Sbraga is going west (as in West Philly) with his latest Southern-thinking venture, The Fat Ham. And while the “bones” of this place might be down-home, the menu is full of Sbraga innovation, like potato-chip-crusted macaroni and cheese, Carolina Gold rice with Sea Island peas and oxtails, and country-fried lobster tail, the Sbraga restaurant dish that started it all. Behind the bar there are are plenty of brown spirits as well as a few draft cocktails and a craft beer list that focuses on brews from south of the Mason-Dixon line. Mon.Thu., 5-10 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., 5-11 p.m.; 3131 Walnut St., 215-735-1914, fat-ham.com. Rosa Blanca | Jose Garces has transformed the former home of Chifa into a shiny new Cuban diner. The fare is Miami approved from milky-sweet, pulled-toorder cortaditos to flaky guava-and-cheese pastries to a mean Cuban sandwich. It’s also worth a mention that Rosa Blanca opens every morning at 7 a.m. for desayunos Cubanos, and the kitchen goes until last call on weekends for late-night empanadas and cocktails. Mon.-Thu. and Sun., 7 a.m.-midnight; Fri.-Sat., 7 a.m.-2 a.m; 707 Chestnut St., 215-9255555, rosablancadiner.com. Avance | The storied space that housed Le BecFin for so many years has been entirely rehauled to make way for Avance. The sleek space is the ideal canvas for Michelin-starred chef Justin Bogle to roll out his forward-thinking menu, combining elements of molecular gastronomy and loads of local producers. Opening highlights include arctic char with apple and fennel, an oh-so-in-fashion brassicas plate and a killer lamb burger available in the cozy bar along with some serious wines by the glass and kitchen-inspired cocktails. Tue.-Sat., 5-10 p.m., 1523 Walnut St., 215-405-0700, avancephiladelphia.com. Got A Tip? Please send restaurant news to restaurants@ citypaper.net or call 215-558-2646, ext.

TOP OF THE POPS: Nick Elmi with his daughter Grace and son Wesley at Laurel, Elmi’s East Passyunk restaurant. NEAL SANTOS

[ family meal ]

DADS ON THE LINE For two Top Chefs, fatherhood is the hardest and most rewarding job. By Adam Erace n the 10th episode of the current season of Top Chef: New Orleans, when tasked with cooking a dish that reminded him of home, Nick Elmi made his daughter’s favorite — gnocchi with pancetta, Parmesan and peas. “I feel a form of guilt because I missed a lot of my daughter’s first year,” the 33-year-old owner of Laurel on East Passyunk told the camera. “I missed her first steps, her first words — basically everything, More on: because I was working so much. My kids are only gonna be this age for such a short period of time, and it goes really, really fast.” Here, Elmi’s voice, normally as even as a carpenter’s level, cracked like a windshield struck by a pebble. “And I’m missing a lot of it.” When you think of dads being away from their kids, you think of the workaholic attorney in the corner office, the high-powered CEO, the traveling executive living out of suitcases and Courtyard Marriotts. White-collar, corporate-America stuff. Not chefs. But a cook’s hours are long, life-gnawing and arduous. Days start early and end late. Weekends are work nights. Thanksgiving and

I

citypaper.net

Christmas are about as sacred as Groundhog and Arbor days. It’s not a schedule that you’d call family friendly. Yet many chefs sign up for fatherhood, a second full-time position even more challenging than steering a busy kitchen through the weeds. When Grace, now 3, was born, Elmi was still chef of a slowly sinking Le Bec-Fin. “It was tough to begin with, with the recession, then having to count pennies just to keep the business open,” he says. “Every day, Georges [Perrier] was threatening to close, and it was just me and a sous chef, 14 hours a day, six days a week. My wife would just send me pictures while I was at work — the first time she stood up, the first time she crawled. You get your first child’s life through small texts and pictures.” During his year as chef of Rittenhouse Tavern, Elmi’s schedule was more lax, and when his wife, Kristen, MORE FOOD AND gave birth to their son, Wesley, almost 2, he DRINK COVERAGE “was taking almost two days off a week,” he AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / says. “I was able to hang out with them and M E A LT I C K E T. see things happen.” Then came Top Chef, which filmed this past May through July. “It was hard to go and hard to be away,” Elmi says. “Before going, I called Kevin Sbraga and asked him: If he knew everything he knew today about the show, would he do it again?” “Top Chef was one of the hardest things I’ve done,” says Sbraga, who has two kids: Jenae, 8, and Angelo, 3. “But if you don’t strike when you can, you can miss out.” >>> continued on page 22

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

21


[ food & drink ]

✚ Dads on the line <<< continued from page 21

“I would rather be home playing trains with my kids.�

215.789.6136 | intoxicaffeineation.com 1701 Locust St, Philadelphia, PA 19103

22 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

Sbraga wasn’t talking about missing out on the experience, the chance to be on TV or become a household name. He was talking about the opportunity to provide a better life for his family, the driving force for him opening his restaurant, Sbraga, and its new little brother, the Fat Ham. “I’ve talked to a lot people who’ve been down the same path. They’ll spend the first couple of years working a lot, but down the road it pays off. In 15, 20 years, I’ll be able to provide my kids with a college education,� he said. When Jenae was born, Sbraga was sous chef at Washington Square; moved over to become the chef at the Ritz-Carlton when she was a few months old. “It was easier working for someone else� while being a dad, he says, and both restaurant organizations were “very respectful of work-life balance.� When he added owner to his resume, juggling the needs of family and restaurant became more challenging. “You take on all this responsibility. There are times that I could go home, but I feel like I need to stay to make sure every dish goes out right.� With the opening of Laurel, Elmi is in a similar boat. “It’s difficult, because I just went through the entire summer not working at all; I was just home hanging out with the kids.� It was an abrupt transition from that carefree schedule to Elmi’s current one of 14-hour days, six days a week. “The first month of Laurel has been so unbelievable and so much fun, but I would rather be home building stuff and playing trains with my kids.� Being the owner does have its perks, though. When I talked to Elmi two days before Christmas Eve, he was in the car en route to New Hampshire with Kristen and the kids to spend the holiday with his parents. When Jenae and Angelo had Christmas plays last week, Sbraga left the restaurant to be a proud dad in the audience. For the two Top Chef veterans, the best way to be a dad while being a cook is to make a clear distinction between the two roles. “I don’t have it all figured out,� admits Sbraga. “The most important thing when I’m with my kids is to focus on them and not on anything else.� It’s a quality-over-quantity thing. Sundays, when Laurel is closed, are family activity days at Casa Elmi in Collingswood. “We’ll go apple picking or go for a walk in the woods, hang out in the yard,� Elmi says. “The kids don’t care what you’re doing, they just want you to be there.� After, he’ll make dinner. Maybe gnocchi — the gnocchi that won him the episode’s elimination challenge. Whether Elmi wins Top Chef — and many speculate the dark horse will — he’s already a champ. So are the hundreds of other cooks who drive their kids to school before a 14-hour shift and pack their lunches after one. Being a decent dad is hard enough. Doing so while cooking professionally — that’s something really worth an award. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)


market place

Public Notices AIRLINE CAREERS BEGIN HERE

Get trained as FAA certified Aviation Technician. Housing and Financial aid for qualified students. Job Placement assistance. Call Aviation Institute of Maintenance 877492-3059

(215)-873-4835. (1218 Chestnut St.)

Health Services HEALTH

Men’s Lifestyle Medications. FDA Approved-USA Pharmacies. Remote TeleMedicine Physican. Safe-Secure-Discreet. Calls Taken 7 days per week Call ViaMedic: 888-786-0945 Trusted Since 1998 VIAGRA 100MG AND CIALIS 20MG!

50 Pills $99.00 FREE Shipping! 100% guaranteed. CALL NOW! 1-888-7899027.

SAWMILLS

SAWMILLS from only $4897MAKE MONEY & SAVE MONEY with your own bandmillCut lumber any dimension. In stock ready to ship. FREE Info & DVD: www.NorwoodSawmills.com/300N 1-800-5781363 Ext. 300N.

Automotive Marketplace AUTOS WANTED

Donate Your Car to Veterans Today! Your Vehicle donation will help US Trioops and support our Veterans! 100% tax deductible. Fast Free pickup! CALL 1-800-617-8320. CASH FOR CARS:

Any Car/Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid.We Come To You! Call For Instant Offer. 1-888-420-3808. www.cash4car.com

jobs

Help Wanted $1,000 WEEKLY!!!

M A I L I N G B RO C H U R E S From Home. Helping home workers since 2001. Genuine Opportunity. No Experience required. Start Immediately. www.mailingmembers.com HELP WANTED SALES

WANTED: LIFE AGENTS: E a r n $ 5 0 0 a D ay, G r e a t Agent Benefits. Commissions Paid Daily. Complete Training;. Leads, Leads, Leads: NO LICENSE NECESSARY TO APPLY. Call 1-888-713-6020.

Business Services

HELP WANTED

REGULAR MASSAGE THERAPY

Heavy Equipment Operator Training! Bulldozers, Backhoes, Excavators. 3 Weeks Hands on Program. Local

Special Price! $45/hr. Call

Job Placement Assistance. National Certifications. GI Bill Benefits Eligible. 1-866362-6497.

program, includes valuable guidebook! Start immediately! Genuine! 1-888-292-1120 www.easyworkfromhome. com

INVITES YOU TO AN ADVANCE SCREENING OF

HELP WANTED DRIVER

Drivers-CDL-A DRIVERS NEEDED. Now hiring solos & teams in your area! Small Company, BIG Benefits! Top Pay for Hazmat. CDL Grads Welcome. 888-928-6011. www.Drive4Total.com

HELP WANTED/SALES

EARN $500 A-DAY: Airbrush & Media Makeup Artists For: Ads-TV-Film-Fashion Train & Build Portfolio in 1 week. www.AwardMakeupSchool. com

HELP WANTED DRIVER

Exp. Reefer Drivers: GREAT PAY/Freight lanes from Presque, Isle, ME, Boston-Lehigh, PA. 800-277-0212 or driveforprime.com

HELP WANTED DRIVER

NEED CLASS A CDL TRAINING? Star t a CAREER in trucking today! Swift Academies offer PTDI certified courses and offer “BestIn-Class” training. *New Academy Classes Weekly *No Money Down or Credit Check *Cer tified Mentors Ready and Available *Paid (While Training with Mentor) * Regional and Dedicated Opportunities * Great Career Path *Excellent Benefits Package. Please Call: (866) 271-7613 HELP WANTED DRIVER

Regional Owner Operators for dedicated run hauling plate glass needed. All Miles Paid! Also need regional stepdeck and RGN Contractors. Contact Daily Express 800-669-6414. HELP WANTED DRIVER

Star t the New Year with a great Career by Joining our Team. Class A Professional Drivers Call 877-457-1313 for more details or visit SuperServiceLLC.com HELP WANTED!

Make extra money in our free ever popular homailer

MONDAY, JANUARY 6TH, 7:30PM

real estate

Log on to www.citypaper.net/win for entry details THIS FILM IS RATED R for “language, sexual content and brief graphic nudity.” Please note: Passes are limited and will be distributed on a first come, first served basis while supplies last. No phone calls, please. Limit one pass per person. Each pass admits two. Seating is not guaranteed. Arrive early. Theater is not responsible for overbooking. This screening will be monitored for unauthorized recording. By attending, you agree not to bring any audio or video recording device into the theater (audio recording devices for credentialed press excepted) and consent to a physical search of your belongings and person. Any attempted use of recording devices will result in immediate removal from the theater, forfeiture, and may subject you to criminal and civil liability. Please allow additional time for heightened security. You can assist us by leaving all nonessential bags at home or in your vehicle.

Land/ Lots for Sale

IN THEATERS JANUARY 10

LAND FOR SALE

TURNKEY FAMILY CAMP FOR SALE Beautifully Finished Cabin on 5 Acres, Woods and Nice Lawn, Quiet County Road, Stocked Fishing Pond & Guest Cabin. On Snowmobile Trail. Only $69,995. Call 800-229-7843 Or visit www. LandandCamps.com

HERTHEMOVIE.COM

Show us rentals your Philly.

Roommates

ALL AREAS-ROOMATES. COM

Submit snapshots of the City of Brotherly Love,

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http:// www.Roommates.com.

however you see it, at:

photostream@citypaper.net

lulueightball By Emily Flake

EVERY MAN HAS A DESTINY

Log on to www.gofobo.com/rsvp and enter the rsvp code CITYY2BH to download two “admit-one” passes. While supplies last. No purchase necessary. Limit two passes per person while supplies last. Theater is overbooked to ensure a full house. Arrive early. Passes received through this promotion do not guarantee admission. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. This film is rated PG-13 for sequences of intense combat action and violence, and for some sensuality. Must be 13 years of age or older to download passes and attend screening. Anti-piracy security will be in place at this screening. By attending, you agree to comply with all security requirements. All federal, state, and local regulations apply. Summit, Philadelphia City Paper and their affiliates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Passes cannot be exchanged, transferred, or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible for lost, delayed, or misdirected entries, phone failures, or tampering. Void where prohibited by law.

IN THEATERS JANUARY 10 Facebook.com/Hercules3d | @Hercules3D | HerculesTheLegendBegins.com

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

23


jonesin’

22 26

27 31

34

32

By Matt Jones

35

“UPSTARTS” — WATCH THAT FIRST STEP.

Adult Phone Entertainment $10 BUCK PHONE SEX

FREE! www.nightexchange. com 18+ PRIVATE CONNECTIONS TRY IT FREE!

Live 1 on 1. 1-877-919-EASY (3279) 18+

1-708-613-2101 Normal LD Applies 18+

EROTIC PLAYGROUND!!!

QUEST

1-712-432-7968 18+ Normal LD Applies

SEXY SWINGER’S LINE!

TS/TV

1-800-785-2833 1-800-811-4048

AMAZING ASHLEY T.S.

HOT & NASTY PHONE SEX

WILD LOCAL CHATLINE

Send Messages FREE! Straight 215-878-1888 Gay/ Bi 215-877-3337 Use FREE Code 3061, 18+

1-800-960-4328 18+ HOT LIVE SEXY CHAT!

1-888-660-4446 1-800-990-9377 INTIMATE CONNECTIONS

1-800-264-DATE (3283) LAVALIFE

Meet Sexy Singles with Lavalife Today 215-557-2000 FREE TRIAL! www.lavalife.com 18+ MEET

hot women or men. Meet singles in your local area. Join the hottest dateline. Get a Free Trial Membership. Call now RedHot Dateline 1-888-927-2504. NAUGHTY OLDER WOMEN

1-800-251-4414 1-800-529-5733 NIGHT EXCHANGE

Explicit Chat With Sexy Locals! Call NOW 215-557-2222 Try it

7 10 13 14 15 17 18 20 22 23 24 26 28 30 34 36 38 39 41 42 44 45 48 49 51 53 55 58 61

NASDAQ purchase Thanksgiving turkey carver, maybe ___-M-Aid (candy renamed Fun Dip) Before Tic ___ Dough (game show) Last-minute shopper’s day Let loose “The greatest” boxer Cinematographer’s concern “The Twelve Days of Christmas” musician Enjoy Mt. Hood, say Animal on Wyoming’s flag Get a move on Roll with the punches Aries, astrologically Unreliable people Garfield’s foil College town north of San Francisco Computer key “Filthy” dough Jailbird Hockey great Cam Subject of Indiana Jones’s quest Big guy in Molokai First Nations tribe Seven Sisters college Major stress factor, it’s said Send a short message Opticians’ products I, Robot author Asimov Confound

63 Wild West “justice” 64 Person who believes Haile Selassie was the Messiah 67 Org. where Edward Snowden once did contracting 68 Stranded, in a way 69 Bill ___, the Science Guy 70 Chick 71 Jamaican music 72 Spider-Man creator Stan 73 Home of Kraftwerk and bratwurst: abbr. 74 Part of PBS

✚ DOWN 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 16 19 21 25 27 29 31

Bacterial infection, for short Rocky actress Shire Game that’s sort of an ancestor of Jenga Court order Sinatra ex Gardner GOP’s opposition Like tabloid headlines Needle ___ haystack What to try if things aren’t working Halloween vandal’s projectiles Change of address, to a realtor Forbidden fruit locale “Sweet Love” singer Baker Place to buy a few compacts Old knockout fumes Carrier’s org. To the back of a boat Foot curve Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable” and

32 33 34 35 37 40 43 46 47 50 52 54 56 57 58 59 60 62 65 66

Hall & Oates’s “She’s Gone,” for two Allure shelfmate Eye problem Royal Norwegian name ___ mater (brain covering) Rice from Louisiana Reality check ___ Lodge “___ you for real?” Hole-poking tool Singles, RBI and triple-doubles Bruce who keeps up with the Kardashians Keep away from Piece of Bacon? Navy commandos States of anger Did well at Battleship Massive landmass “PED ___” (street sign) Charge card charge “All in favor” word

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

✚ ©2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) 24 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

ENJOY THE COMPANY OF AUTUMN A ENCHANTING AND STUNNING BI-RACIAL TRANSSEXUAL.NORTHEAST LOCATION. COTTMAN & ROOSEVELT BOULEVARD. 36DDD-26-36. APPOINTMENTS AT *82-215-743-9889.

FREE PARTYLINE!

1-708-613-2103 Normal LD Applies 18+

1 4

AUTUMN (T.S.)

Talk to 100s of local singles tonight! 215-671-4444 or 1-888257-5757 www.questchat.com Try it FREE! 18+

1-888-404-3330. 1-800-8058255 18+

GAY & BI HOT CHAT! HOT HARD & READY FOR ACTION!!

✚ ACROSS

Escorts

Adult Services LILY DIAMOND SHEMALE

Light sinned mixed TS, with long dark hair, beautiful long legs, 5’11, 180lbs. 36C breasts, 30 inch waist, 45 inch hips and butt circumference. Down to earth relaxed and easy going. Allow me to release your worries. $75 for full, call me let’s get acquainted. Center City location 215-732-5084. SHEMALE BEAUTIFUL HEIDI

Petite, Busty, Curvaceous, Long, Luxurious Brunette Hair... ready to play “hide & cum get it!” Also providing Sensuacious Massage *82215-954-6101. Private & Discreet. Specializing in 1st timers. Back by popular demand! Willing and able.

21y/o Erotic light-brown skinned goddess. Cum taste MY milkshake! It’s all you need (very high in protein!) I welcume ALL 1st timers. I offer sensuous body massages, Ready, willing and able to please you. I’m waiting for your call NOW!! 267-2558744. (South Philly location) Ask about Lunchtime Special! 12-1. FOXXY T.S.

I am 34A-28-38 with 8 THICK inches of fun and pleasure,hot dominantT.S.looking to please ALL bottoms and submissive. University City location. 215730-1023.

CALL ME! (UNIVERSITY CITY LOCATION).INCALL ONLY! NO BLOCKED CALLS ACCEPTED! *82-267-444-9553.

Men For Men WHITE MASCULINE AGGRESSIVE MALE (M4M)

I am very versatile, friendly while male . I am 34y/o. 5’9,165lbs., brown hair/ eyes. Smooth hairless tight fit body, nicely hung, aims to please...offering serivces to men in the Greater Northeast Area. Cottman & Bustleton Avenue loc. Same day appts. Incall/Outcall. (Ask about my specials!) Joey *82-215-6137916.

Sensual Adult Massage A PERSONABLE MASSAGE+

Experience the sensual and erotic thorough massage by the hands of AUTUMN, alluring and friendly pre-op transsexual. NE locationBoulevard and Cottman Vicinity. Outcall Avail. Apts. at *82-215-743-9889.

SPARKLE SHEMALE

FIRST-TIMERS R WELCUM! HEY GUYS...I’M A COCK CRAZY SHEMALE...I WANNA LICK, TEASE AND SWALLOW YOU WHOLE!! FEEL MY HEAT AND MY MEAT!!! SEXY BROWN-SKINNED SHEMALE WITH LARGE, STRONG INCHES TO SATISFY THAT NEED! WITH MY SEXY LADY TOOL U’LL LOVE TO BLOW!! 38D-32-42.I LOVETO CREAM!!!

[ comic ]

NEW LADY IN TOWN....100% FEMALE

Massage by Ms. Little Ms. Kitty petite 5’0, sexy blonde 50y/o with strong hands...for Russian sport massage or swedish. Complete full hour. $125. (7pm2am) *82-267-971-2522. PROSTATE MASSAGE

www.touchfbm.com *82-215668-9517


[ i love you, i hate you ] To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ➤ email lovehate@citypaper.net ADDICTED! When we had sex I thought I was addicted to your body and your mind at the same time! Does that make sense to you or not? Cause it definitely makes sense to me, I am here and I am waiting for you! I have been waiting for you for a long time! I think that you know that you and I would be a good couple together but you are just scared which is understandable but haven’t I showed you the goodness and kindness that any person could want and need. Is she doing anything for you at all? You and I both know that she isn’t so why are you wasting your time? That is your problem. I am just about done now!

Still knowing our friendship is in it’s infancy, I must say that I’m worried about you from a far. Even in short small encounters in which I may see you in front of your job you don’t seem like yourself. I would hope that you would take this as a hand extended in friendship asking you to look at un-named situations and see them for what they are or may be. Look dude, I’ll always have your back. You may not know it, but when we first met I was in a place in life when “friends” were hard to find, and I connected with great people through you. The one you reside with

fucking, now show me what you got.” it was also clear that I was being cheated on. The funny part was, this woman...excuse me girl, wasn’t even from Philadelphia. My boyfriend has been cheating on me with a woman in east bubble fuck somewhere. I love you. You should know that. I mean, I have never done so much for someone in my life. I was your servant... You are throwing me away for someone in bubble fuck?! REALLY?! You need to think about what you are doing mister? You know what men do for a woman like me?! Dear Liar, Guess what...? You’ll find out.

I LOVE YOU! Every time I see your face I think about how much I love you! I love the fact that you are just there when I need you to be! I love how you stroke my hair when I am sleeping. I honestly stay there and pretend that I am sleeping so that you can do it more and more! I love the fact that you are just one of a kind and I can’t replace you with nobody else. I love the fact that you are just so damn sexy in it bed makes me wanna fuck you more and more! I hope that you read this because you are what really matters to me!

CAN I Sit on your lap and ride you like the beast that you are? You are so fucking sexy I wanna touch myself and taste myself...I wanna spend more time with you! Can’t you see that we should be together. I am tired of wasting my time...I wonder if you are tired of wasting your time? Like I said before I am not going to be around forever. You and me that is how it should be! Then I keep having dreams about you chasing me in a field of flowers and it is so cute because I pretend to fall and you fall on top of me then we make love like no tomorrow. I want you inside of me...I love you my dear...do you dream about me? Let’s just make it a reality.

PUN IS INTENDED You need to go to a deserted island and literally go crany trying to find coconuts and drink the sap from some poisonous tree after you have scooped out the coconut and eaten every last drop. Walk into the ocean and never return to that island, you would manipulate any living creature on that island. You are a waste of space, air, and you blew it with so many women you lied to. Go away. Praying that that child gets to know his mother the way a child should, not brainwashed as you have done to him. This is most likely wasted typing for you are not reading any of this. In the hopes of saving more women and children, perhaps someone in Philadelphia will get my drift. Drop dead.

CAN’T SHOVEL SNOW? To all the lazy bastards who live on corner houses and only shovel the front and don’t shovel the side. I hope when you come outside you fall and break your bloody necks on the non-shoveled sidewalks. You are the lowest scum of the earth. How hard is it to get up and shovel your sidewalk? I hope all of you that read this message and are guilty of this, rot and burn in hell!

DEADBEAT How could you do this to her? You wanted this baby with after 13 years she gave into you begging for a child even though she was scared what you were going to do and her fears became a reality. In the beginning you were great then you wouldn’t even hold your child or look at him. You then decided for whatever reason to cheat and leave her and your son to do you. You would think because the way your father was you would want different for your son but I guess you are the piece of shit everyone originally knew you were. You fooled us all after all these years we all thought you grew to become a man - well, you showed us. I hope you and your little whore you are fucking with get a disease you fucking scum bag. Your son is better off without you cause you are no one to look up to - you’re a loser. I hope you and your whore rot in hell you piece of shit. and you didn’t even cheat with someone cute I hope your dick falls off so you cant spread your seed anymore.

DEAR CRAZY HOUSE I owe thee a small fee for the generous hospitality to a fuck that’s as flaky as me. I must admit that you were the one I most related to out of the two of you.

I don’t appreciate the laziness and I don’t appreciate you! You’re so old and shit and you just don’t know where you fit in! I don’t understand the fact that you thought you were gonna put shit on me where as I got alot of shit on me already. What kind of mess is that! I hate the fact that you call me over and over again when I am out of the office like your some kind of fool or something for something that can wait until the Monday or so! I don’t understand alot of things that you do but I hope that the time away brings you great things. And actually the mind frame of I gotta get my shit together.

STILL A PROBLEM, AND IT’S MY FAULT

isn’t out to get you, but it’s getting to you and yours. You do what you feel is right, bro.

DEAR LIAR-LIAR I find myself sitting on your floor staring at a picture I drew for you a couple months back. You lay behind me comfortably on your bed, snoring like a beast. I couldn’t help but to start crying. My eyes soaked in your lies. In my hand laid your phone, and in my ears played loud music from the iPod that I have given you. I read the messages nearly a thousands times. It was clear that the last seven months of my life were a lie. “I love you babe, we should totally finish

IF YOU KNOW! If you know that this guy is an asshole and prejudiced. Why do you keep talking to him if you’re not? I don’t understand people sometimes. They make excuses for shit that they do and being as though it is negative they have an excuse for the shit! If you ask me it doesn’t make any sense. And especially if you are the one that is in top management it doesn’t make any sense to keep putting up with that shit. Why don’t you get yourself together!!

I’m the person who was rude and confrontational to someone last September, in Northern Liberties. I was on a bike, and you were in a car, with a passenger. It happened on 3rd Street at Poplar, late on a Sunday night. I posted a couple of apologies a few months ago, but I know I haven’t done enough. It’s easy to apologize on-line, but I think that a real apology has to be made in person. I just don’t know how to contact you or arrange a meeting. If you read this, or hear about it, I want you to know that I really want to tell you that I’m sincerely sorry, and that I’m deeply ashamed of how I acted. You don’t owe me the opportunity to apologize, I know that. In fact, I think you gave me a couple of chances to talk to you, and I just didn’t take advantage of the opportunity. Anyway, it’s just me, no games, no one else involved. If I don’t get to say this to you in person, then let me say once again, I’m sorry. Hopefully, someday I’ll be able to say that to you in person, and accept responsibility for my behavior. ✚ ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the

DON’T BE LAZY

right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discre-

What the fuck are you saving your work for me to do!

other ancillary publishing projects.

tion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J A N U A R Y 2 - J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

27


SOCIETY HILL LOAN PHILLY’S PAWN SHOP

4&-- #6: (0-% 4*-7&3

OPEN EVERY DAY FOR YOUR

EATING & DRINKING NEEDS

FOLLOW US

@silkcitydiner / @north3rd

CPEVENTSLIST ONLY AT CITYPAPER.NET/events

Collectibles, Antiques, Musical Instruments, Cameras, Electronics Check Cashing – Money Orders- Money Gram Agent. We Buy Gift Cards 645 South Street, Phi l adel phi a. 215-925-7357


Turn static files into dynamic content formats.

Create a flipbook
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.