Philadelphia City Paper, June 20th, 2013 by Philadelphia City Paper

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Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Samantha Melamed Arts Editor/Copy Chief Emily Guendelsberger Digital Media Editor/Movies Editor Paulina Reso Food Editor/Listings Editor Caroline Russock Staff Writers Ryan Briggs, Daniel Denvir Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Associate Web Producer Carly Szkaradnik Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Justin Bauer, Bryan Bierman, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Mark Cofta, Alison Dell, Adam Erace, David Anthony Fox, K. Ross Hoffman, Brian Howard, Deni Kasrel, Alli Katz, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Annette Monnier, Michael Pelusi, Elliott Sharp, Tom Tomorrow, John Vettese, Nikki Volpicelli, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Naveed Ahsan, Michael Buozis, Lalita Clozel, Jordyn Horowitz, Michelle Ma, Mike Mullen, Matt Schickling, Lara Witt Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designers Brenna Adams, Jenni Betz, Matt Egger Staff Photographer Neal Santos Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Senior Account Managers Colette Alexandre (ext. 250), Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Manager Amanda Gambier (ext. 228) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel

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The Naked City .........................................................................6 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................20 Movies.........................................................................................26 The Agenda ..............................................................................28 Food & Drink ...........................................................................34 COVER ILLUSTRATION BY EVAN M. LOPEZ DESIGN BY RESECA PESKIN

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the thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[0]

Justin Rose wins the 2013 U.S. Open held in Merion. “I’m as disappointed as the rest of you that Tiger Woods didn’t win,” says Rose. “I also have never heard of me before.”

[ -2 ]

The PPA issues a parking ticket to an illegally parked car, despite a note on the dashboard from a father explaining that he had to carry his daughter with a broken leg into school. “You know what this is?” says PPA ticketer, extending his middle finger. “It’s the world’s smallest crutch, just for you and your dumb kid.”

[ -1 ]

An 18-inch alligator is found near a sewer grate in Fishtown. “You know,”says gator, “I have been here three weeks and I have seen exactly zero fish.”

[ -1 ]

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city

[0]

Four members of local unions begin a hunger strike to protest the lack of funding for Philly schools. If our schools had been better funded, perhaps these poor souls would have learned that the connection between starving yourself and balancing a budget is dubious at best. The Sixers consider building a practice facility at the Navy Yard. “We heard it’s the best place to bring a sinking ship,” says somebody from the team. We can’t even be bothered to look up the name of a Sixers coach or whatever to finish this joke. Standard & Poor’s Ratings Services upgrades Philadelphia’s bond rating from BBB+ to A-, the city’s highest rating since 1979. Which is big news over at Duke & Duke: “Money isn’t everything, Mortimer,” says Randolph. “Oh, grow up,” says Mortimer. “Mother always said you were greedy,” says Randolph. “She meant it as a compliment,” says Mortimer.

[0]

Comcast invests in a company that has a network of 10,000 YouTube channels. “We’ve found a way to make money off of racist and homophobic comments,” explains Comcast CEO. “We plan on buying Philly.com once it bottoms out.”

[ +4 ]

Two new biking/walking trails have opened in the city recently, and 17 more are planned. Police and city officials are excited about all the new parking spots.

This week’s total: +1 | Last week’s total: +6

TEACHABLE MOMENT: Central High School teacher Erica Catlin, one of 3,859 school employees to be laid off, joins a protest on June 14 outside Gov. Tom Corbett’s Philly office on Broad Street. SAMANTHA MELAMED

[ education ]

CUTTING SCHOOL As Philly schools look ahead to a “doomsday” budget, teachers say the fallout has already begun. By Samantha Melamed

hen Anissa Weinraub, an English teacher at Bartram High School in Southwest Philly, received a pink slip earlier this month, it was a familiar feeling. “I’ve been laid off twice before, and force-transferred twice before, so I’ve been at five schools over the past seven years,” she says. Weinraub is one of 3,859 teachers, counselors, secretaries, aides and assistant principals — almost 20 percent of the school workforce — laid off under the school district’s so-called “doomsday” budget. While City Council members and state legislators continue their attempts to wring education funding out of everything from casino revenues to Medicaid expansion to cigarettes to tax deadbeats, school employees says that, to some degree, the damage is done. Many believe they’re looking at a worst-case scenario of that budget being realized, and a best-case scenario of a drastic and disruptive reshuffling of school staff as seniority re-hiring rules trigger reassignments, helter-skelter, across the district. “I know people who maybe came into this as a second career, and they are phenomenal, who are going back into the private sphere. I know people that are going to apply to a charter. I know people who would not have retired, who are now,” says Weinraub, a member of the Teacher Action Group, which has been collecting these stories

online at facesofthelayoffs.org. “We’re going to see a brain drain.” Teachers say there’s not much information, but plenty of rumors — as to whether re-hiring will be done in groups or all at once, as to whether counselors’ jobs will be outsourced. The school district says it won’t decide anything before the June 30 budget deadline. Last Friday afternoon, principal Lisa Ciaranca Kaplan was surveying the fallout in front of Andrew Jackson School, after the ribbon-cutting ceremony for a student-made mosaic that — through a Picasso Project grant from Public Citizens for Children and Youth (PCCY) and art education from the nonprofit COSACOSA Art at Large — is to wrap the school over five years. Kaplan wasn’t sure if she’d be able to offer this program again next year — or, for that matter, if she could continue any of the grant-funded programs her administrative staff helped her bring to Jackson. The layoffs at Jackson included all the secretaries, counselors and aides, plus music and art teachers. Next year, Kaplan will be the only school employee not in a classroom. “It’s pretty decimating, I have to be honest with you, and frightening. How am I supposed to run a school and continue all the programs that we brought in?” Kaplan says. “I don’t know how I’m going to do it.” Gretchen Walker of PCCY says grantee schools across the city have told her the same thing: They’re just not sure if they can participate next year. And the Picasso Project grant is not the only thing that may go to waste at Jackson. The school was awarded an instru-

“The schools are going to see a brain drain.”

>>> continued on page 8

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[ a million stories ]

✚ DRIVEN OUT At some point within the past month, sources say, a deputy superintendent told West Philadelphia High School principal Mary Sandra Dean, almost as an aside, “Hey, you’re going to lose your automotive building.” It turns out that the deputy superintendent was right. The School District is spinning off the school’s acclaimed auto program into its own entity, to be run by the nonprofit Sustainability Workshop. The maneuver has angered some community members. Marcus Gary, chairman of the West Philly High School Advisory Council and parent of an auto academy student, complains it’s “an undercover deal.” The Sustainability Workshop isn’t a stranger to West Philly High: It was founded by four teachers who met working there. For the past two years, it’s been operating as a pilot program out of the Navy Yard. Co-founder Simon Hauger, formerly of the auto academy, concedes there “wasn’t good communication” between the district and the high school. But he says the project will be a net benefit. “Will kids be denied opportunity? No way. We’re bringing resources and a track record of success to West Philadelphia.” Philly Student Union president Hiram Rivera and others criticize the district for sidelining community members — and potentially breaking the district’s rules. It doesn’t appear, according to the Education Law Center, that the superintendent has the authority to create a new school without School Reform Commission approval. The SRC, according to Rivera, was to take up an authorizing resolution on June 19. “All of this is being pushed through secretly and is supposed to be rubber-stamped at the SRC.” It is unclear, says Hauger, whether access to the program will ultimately be phased out for West Philly High students. He prefers that

it is, but is open to all proposals. District spokesperson Fernando Gallard was not sure whether it would be a new “school” or a “program,” but said it would not be a charter. Hauger says, “It’s a school.” The timing, claims Rivera, is the result of a last-minute windfall: In April, the Philadelphia School Partnership awarded the Sustainability Workshop $1.5 million to expand. —Daniel Denvir

✚ PENN IS MIGHTIER This March, parents who were prepared to wait in line for days to register their kindergarteners for Penn Alexander School began lobbying for an expansion of the school — and of the partnership with the University of Pennsylvania that has helped it become West Philly’s premier option for public education. Now, they may get the next-best thing. Nearby Henry C. Lea Elementary has quietly launched a partnership with Penn that will provide a “new level of resources” to Lea, according to Caroline Watts, coordinator of the brand new Penn-Lea partnership. But Penn’s challenge may be how to support Lea without stoking fears of a university takeover. One thing is clear: Those new resources are badly needed. As schools citywide brace themselves for belt-tightening under a “doomsday” budget, Lea is facing reductions in personnel and extracurriculars. And after the closure of Wilson Elementary this year, Lea will be expected to take on about 125 additional students. “The situation in the School District really requires all of us in the city of Philadelphia to respond,” Watts says. Penn now heads 23 different school-day and after-school programs at Lea, a third of which were created last year. Penn will be “more engaged in Lea over time,” Watts says, but plans for specific >>> continued on page 10

photostream ³ submit to photostream@citypaper.net

By Daniel Denvir

UNFAIR SHARE ³ THIS PAST WEEKEND, an Inquirer editorial chastised the Philadelphia Federation of Teachers for not saying “what it will do to help” solve the schools’ “doomsday” budget, which lays off 3,859 teachers, aides, counselors and administrators after closing 24 schools. The School District is demanding $133 million in labor concessions to plug its $304 million budget gap. That’s more than twice as much as it requested from the city, and $13 million more than what it’s seeking from the state — which cut nearly $1 billion from school funding statewide (that’s you, Gov. Tom Corbett) despite its constitutional obligation to fund public education and, critically, its direct control of city schools for the past decade. The call is for “shared sacrifice.” But, as former state budget secretary and School District CFO Michael Masch points out,“There’s no evidence that everyone being asked to make sacrifices right now is equally to blame for the current crisis.” Philadelphia teachers are paid 19 percent less than their counterparts in suburban Bucks and Montgomery counties — counterparts who typically work in schools with less violence and less need. Relentless teacher-bashing paints incompetent educators as the root of big-city school woes, and offers high-stakes standardized tests and union-busting as the only solutions. But this is backwards: It is the failure to value teaching as a first-class profession that makes recruiting and retaining good educators a bigger problem than firing the bad ones. Lower pay will make it all the more difficult for Philly. Masch has disagreements with the union: He says teachers should accept work rule changes, a longer school day and greater health-insurance contributions. But, “There’s no way the union will agree to any of that while they are under a one-sided, unreasonable and unjustified economic assault.” We need a conversation that honors the teaching profession instead of demeaning it. This Friday, I will travel to Washington, D.C., to celebrate the retirement of Mr. Welsh (aka Tim Welsh), my kindergarten teacher at Murch Elementary School. Mr. Welsh is one of my earliest memories of a public school that fostered creative inquiry and, yes, play. That is what’s at stake in Philly today. On Monday, parents and school staff began a fast, pledging to refuse food until the 1,200-odd lunchtime aides critical in keeping schools safe are rehired. The Inquirer chided that “teachers must do more than talk the talk.” Talk is indeed cheap: Teachers, students, staff and parents across the commonwealth must protest. ✚ Send feedback to daniel.denvir@citypaper.net.

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FLICKR: PWBAKER

hostilewitness

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[ is being pushed through secretly ]

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✚ Cutting School

THURSDAY, JUNE 20

EDDIE BRUCE & FRIENDS

8PM–11:30PM

FRIDAY, JUNE 21

THE

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9:30PM–1AM

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SATURDAY, JUNE 22

GOODMAN FISKE 9:30PM–1AM

SUGARHOUSEROCKS.COM

mental-music program this past year, and the students had their “first and last” instrumental and choral music concert. As of next year, “I have the instruments, but I have no teacher,” Kaplan says. And those are not even her most pressing worries. Her biggest concern? How to maintain the safe-school culture she’s created. “It worries me: These people have institutional knowledge that have been let go. Educating a child in a safe, happy environment is at risk right now.” Elaine Duffey, a nurse at the Academy at Palumbo, says students are already feeling the impact. She observes it daily: “I’ve had a student with a panic attack [because her counselor was laid off]. This woman’s carried her for three years, through family problems. … Now this kid’s looking at her senior year. The person who would be writing her recommendations, the person who would be seeing her to completion — it’s like losing a parent.” Bryan Sieber, a counselor who splits time between Creative and Performing Arts and Randolph Technical high schools, has a more direct term for what’s taking place: “It’s child abuse.” Sieber was among hundreds of protesters who spilled onto Broad Street on Friday in front of Gov. Corbett’s Philly office. The layoff was his second in two years. “Sometimes it takes all year to establish the relationship with the child before they’re willing to disclose to you something in their lives that they’re dying to tell. And then we’re laid off, and shuffled around again — and it continues to create instability in the lives of kids who have no stability.” Given those concerns, Sieber says he can’t imagine abandoning his students and looking for work. Others say they have to be pragmatic. Erica Catlin, who is losing her job teaching at Central High School — one of Philly education’s bright spots, now stripped down to only teachers and a principal — wants to hold out hope. But she isn’t sure she can. “We thought the sequester wasn’t going to happen, and there it is,” she says. The school district’s “doomsday” budget could become reality as well. “No one can give us any guarantees about getting reinstated. … The position we’re in is, the hiring season is already passed. So if you wait around, you might find yourself with no job at all.” Tatiana Olmedo, a counselor at Central, says she also must undertake some heartrending personal calculus for herself and her family: “I have to figure out: Can I afford to live in the city? … Should we wait it out? Or do I just go ahead and look for employment somewhere else, even though that’s not where my passion is?” Even if funding is restored, she worries about the disruption of reshuffling. She’s been building trust at Central for 14 years. If she is reassigned, it’s back to zero. “Any time you go to a new school, it takes you a good two or three years to develop relationships with the students … to show them how much you care.” In higher-need schools, the disruption could be even greater. Consider Mirta Scheffer, a 23-year counselor at Feltonville School of Arts and Sciences and its predecessor, Central East. She spoke with a reporter by phone, but was interrupted. When she called back, she explained that two students had

arrived at her office hurt. Since the school lost its nurse to previous cuts, she had to “play nurse.” That’s not her only extra role: In this high-need neighborhood, she connects hungry kids with food, and homeless kids with transportation, clothing and services. She also translates for their Spanish-speaking parents. “We sometimes feel like we have become the social-services hub, where the parents can come for help,” she says. At home, her students’ lives are fraught with instability. Now, it’s the same at school. “As I see what happens in the state and at the city level, I’m losing hope. I just see a long summer ahead without knowing which way it’s going to happen.” As for Kaplan, the principal, she knows next year will be a challenge no matter what the funding situation. “A lot of people have already left the district,” she

“It’s traumatizing to go through this every year.” says. “Others are seeking employment elsewhere because it’s so traumatizing every year to keep going through this. It makes me want to question what value we have on education.” As worried as they are for their students, teachers like Weinraub are equally angry at the politicians they feel are letting them take the hit for a manufactured funding crisis. Talk of “shared sacrifice” — as in the $133 million in concessions being asked of the teachers — rankles when the state is looking at corporate tax breaks and rock-bottom shale-drilling fees. Even if her job is saved, “I’m sure I would just be in some other school where I would build up relationships for another year and then transfer somewhere else,” Weinraub says. “There’s ripple effects and fallout that’s major in those kids’ lives. When you start destabilizing schools, you destabilize communities.” (samantha@citypaper.net)

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✚ a million stories

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Gentrification is a touchy subject in this neighborhood. projects and financial support are in flux. The school and Penn are meeting monthly to “figure out what the needs are going to be next year,” says Maurice Jones, the volunteer school president and a Lea parent. Not coincidentally, a new principal is being installed. Replacing Lisa Bell-Chiles, Lea’s principal since 2007, is Wilson principal Sonya Harrison, who received a doctorate in education from Penn in 2012. The district appointed her based on recommendations from a committee of 10, including two Penn representatives. The university is stepping up in response to requests from community groups. The West Philly Neighborhood Coalition, which has implemented a plan to “green” Lea’s schoolyard, sought Penn’s support. Amara Rockar, president of the coalition, stressed that it is “very conscious of being respectful of the community.” The group’s website notes that, if it succeeds in its goals for Lea, “most of its families will still be African-American and will still be working and lower-middle class.” Gentrification is a touchy subject in this neighborhood. Housing prices in the Penn Alexander catchment quadrupled in the past decade, while the number of black students in

the school declined by half.

At Penn Alexander, one in six students is black; four blocks away at Lea, nine out of 10 are. Penn’s relationships with Lea and Penn Alexander have long been intertwined. In the 1960s, Penn had a close partnership with Lea. That was eventually scaled down. Says Jones, “They wanted something where they had more control, so they built Penn Alexander [in 2002].” At the time, he says, it raised eyebrows. People asked, “Why don’t you build your relationship back up with Lea instead of building another school?” And, in fact, Penn was Lea’s district-appointed Educational Management Organization from 2003 to 2011. Now, Penn is treading carefully, positioning itself as nonintrusive benefactor. “This is an existing school, an existing community,” Watts says. “We

aren’t developing something —Lalita Clozel from scratch.”

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words by Emily Guendelsberger // illustration by Evan M. Lopez The availability of really good food from other cultures depends mostly on a city’s immigration demographics — for example, it’s tough to find good, cheap Thai in Philly, but good, cheap Ethiopian is available in every third bar in West Philly. You just need to know where to look. It takes

cityguide

a while to suss out where to get kimchi, diamond sweets, mofongo or pierogies like grandma used to make — a lot of the time, the really authentic food is clustered in a small area with a large immigrant population, and these clusters can be a long subway trip or even drive from Center City.

You’ll have to find specific restaurants on your own, but this map is a great starting point for where to start looking.

Your premier magazine featuring everything Philly! CITY GUIDE highlights Philly’s

unique neighborhoods showcasing restaurants, galleries, bars, clubs, boutiques, retail shops, markets, music venues and more!

chinatown/spring garden

“I enjoying hanging out at Sang Kee Peking Duck House for flavorful food at a great price and for the relaxed, friendly service.” — Walt, 28, environmental engineer

CITYGUIDE 2012 - 2013

photos by Neal Santos

2013-2014

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around the world

chinatown/spring garden

you should know … The Philadelphia Chinatown Development Corp. (chinatown-pcdc.org) provides resources; First District Councilman is Mark Squilla (215-686-3458).

forget it, jake... it’s the eraserhood.

explore …

GOGGLING TOURISTS, branded conventioneers, questing foodies, suicide taxis and fuming delivery trucks make tiny Chinatown feel like a buzzing hive. Across the expressway to the north, Spring Garden — where David Lynch got his inspiration for Eraserhead and Diplo used to have his home base — can feel like a wasteland in comparison, but it’s starting to stir. Eat everything in the former — try noodles at Pho 75 or the thousand-layer bread at Rangoon — and watch as the latter becomes the next big neighborhood, mark our words. And don’t forget: Chinese New Year happens in the spring.

while you’re here … • Soften tomorrow’s hangover with a 3 a.m. feast at Tai Lake (the seafood rolls are swimming when you arrive) • Reading Terminal Market deals in fast lunches and diverse groceries • Space 1026 houses artists’ studios and is always good for a gallery show 42

BARS + CLUBS HOP SING LAUNDROMAT

1029 Race St., hopsinglaundromat.com

There’s a lot of rules to getting buzzed in to the outwardly unassuming Hop Sing — owner Lêe turns away anyone in shorts, flip-flops, sneakers or a hat. Or in a party of more than four. Or on a phone. But inside, the $12 cocktails are excellent, the décor is gorgeous and nobody’s wearing flip-flops. THE INSTITUTE 549 N. 12th St., 267-318-7772, institutebar.com

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CITYGUIDE 2012 - 2013

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Museum Store Management Position

Eastern National,a non-profit Cooperating Association, who operates Educational retail outlets in National Parks, is looking for a full-time, year-around, Unit Manager at Independence National Historical Park. This is a salaried position at a rate of $35,000 annually and includes a comprehensive benefits package. • The Unit Manager oversees the day-to-day operations of multiple Museum Stores located at Independence National Historical Park in Philadelphia, PA. • Candidate must have 3 to 5 years of retail management experience preferably in a museum type store. • The candidate must also possess excellent customer service and merchandising skills. • They should also have experience in developing new custom product. Strong mathematical and computer skills are necessary. • Generally there are no evening hours, but must be flexible and available weekends. To apply, email your cover letter and resume to David Wagner at

davidw@easternnational.org.

Check us out on the web at

www.easternnational.org

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

³ IT’S OLD-FRIEND week around here. Lots of bolded names you’ve seen bolded before doing swell new things — or at least doctoring up their past glories to look shiny and sweet. ³ Nothing says “hey friend” like letting strangers into your house, be it to do a little theater and use your refrigerator or to hang out and leave bootprints on your carpet. That’s SoLow Fest:11 days of events (June 20-30) that asks the theatrical question, “Did you happen to see my glasses while rehearsing in my bathroom?” See p. 24 for more info, then go to solowfestival.blogspot.com for locations, and tips on what to bring as a hostess gift. You did buy one, right? ³ Marc Vetri is having a busy post-Great Chefs Event moment. Not only did he tweet his deal with Philadelphia Industrial Development Corp.for a nosh spot at the Navy Yard’s front gate, but he’ll rename his eponymous restaurant at 13th and Spruce “Le Bec-Fin” for three days, July 18-20. It’s a tribute, seeing as how Vetri now sits on that French hot spot’s original address. ³ The crew from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia may have skipped town, but they left behind word that they’ll film an episode with Josh Groban.Remember Sweet Dee (Kaitlin Olson) and her rabid “Grobanite” arc? Ever hear the rumor that the real-life Groban is a horndog? This should be grubby, Groby fun. ³ Before Philly’s chef scene got photographed, filmed and generally hyyyped, Jim Coleman was here, running restaurants, talking on the radio and smiling at WHYY cameras. Now he’s curating the menu at Sofitel’s Chez Colette,where music and food will be served together as part of the Fete de la Musique Fri., June 21. The celebration features Coleman’s three-course meal (check the mascarpone mousse topped with wild-cherry verrine) with proceeds benefiting the Curtis Institute of Music. ³ George Manney — drummer to the stars, Last Minute Jam Band man, documentary filmmaker of all things on South Street — just got a cool new steady gig as the archivist-historian for thePhiladelphia Music Alliance.Nice. ³ Congrats also go out to Laura Goldman.The area reporter (she does a lot for Metro) has been quietly working, sans credit, for ABC News and Good Morning America. This week, Goldman got her first byline on a story involving the Edward Snowden leaks. ³ You know, when Jose Garces opened Chifa at Seventh and Chestnut just before Valentine’s Day 2009, my lovely wife Glamorosi and I had a most magnificent time, noshing on Peruvian-Cantonese cuisine while dining in a deep red glow. Very romantic, mais non? Now, I’m hearing that the Garces crew is getting ready to make Chifa a Cuban dining concern with some design changes afoot. I’ll buy that. Still sounds romantic. ³ More Icepack turns up every Thursday at citypaper.net/criticalmass. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

HAPPY SUFFERING: Quentin Stoltzfus’ new band, Light Heat, plays a record-release show at AKA Records on Tuesday. NEAL SANTOS

[ rock/pop ]

WATCH IT HAPPEN AGAIN Mazarin is dead, but Quentin Stoltzfus is back. Long live Light Heat. By Patrick Rapa

ou can be damn sure Quentin Stoltzfus did some Googling before naming his new band. Almost no one had heard of Google last time he named a band. It was the late ’90s. He’d come across the word “Mazarin” in a book, liked the look of it and started scouring record stores to see if it’d been taken. He seemed to be in the clear and, in the early 2000s, start putting out music. Mazarin’s three albums were modern psych-pop classics, just some of the catchiest, most engrossing specimens of lush, timeless, post-Neutral Milk Hotel rock ’n’ roll. And Stoltzfus, who until that point was best known as the drummer for Philly noise-rockers Azusa Plane, was suddenly making his living as a singing, guitarplaying frontman. But as his music got noticed, and as web-searching technology advanced, another Mazarin — a band of self-proclaimed “Long Island musical legends” who’d apparently been making music under that name since 1976 — started sending lawyers and letters his way. Stoltzfus dodged them for years, until he just couldn’t take the hassle. His last album as Mazarin was 2005’s We’re Already There, and it’s taken this long for him to come up with a new band name and an album to go with it. During the extended hiatus, he was doing a lot of peripheral stuff: assembling a home studio, recording and

producing for friends, working up the nerve to get back in the game and Googling potential band names. “Most times, nine times out of 10, it was used. If it wasn’t used then I had to live with it for a minute to see if I liked it,” he says over coffee at Milkcrate in Fishtown. A band name, he points out, is a bigger commitment than marriage, one that could very well outlive him. The good news, of course, is that Light Heat, simple and stark as it is, had not been claimed. The better news? The self-titled Light Heat album is classic Mazarin. Backed by most of New York City’s The Walkmen, Stoltzfus has put together a record worthy of his catalog. The pop songs are catchy and complicated. The strange ones — like the spooky, woozy “Mirror,” a track seven years in the making — are delightfully strange. You can tell from some of the titles, he’s still tapping the vein that gave us “Suicide Will Make You Happy” in 2001 and “The New American Apathy” in 2005. Now we have “Are We Ever Satisfied?” and “A Loyal Subject of the Status Quo.” These songs are upbeat and invigorating, but their lyrics are laced with hemlock. Is this the work of a frustrated man? “Fuck yeah.” He laughs. “You know, I live in Fishtown. I’m surrounded by really amazing people who are incredibly inspiring, and then just, like, complete fucking rejects of the planet.” The garagey “Loyal Subject,” he admits, is probably his most cynical: “You race the endless waves of the hate crimes/ Through the

Stoltzfus’ lyrics are laced with hemlock.

>>> continued on page 22

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[ music for sad, haunted discotheques ] ³ comedy/box set

The new Queens of the Stone Age album, … Like Clockwork (Matador), is a lot like the old ones: roaring low-end guitar leads, cleverly hidden guest contributions (see if you can spot Sir Elton John on “Fairweather Friends”) and bombastic drumming from three Bonham-philes orbiting Josh Homme’s neo-Elvis bari-tenor. That said, Homme’s lyrics display a new vulnerability that piggybacks on his increasingly atmospheric sonic backdrop. Some moments on this album would make Radiohead jealous. —Sameer Rao

No American household should be without a complete set of Richard Pryor’s albums, but Shout! Factory’s seven-CD, two-DVD box No Pryor Restraint has the advantage of taking you through Pryor’s astonishing development in a relatively brief span. Including his three concert films as well as unreleased tracks and a few audio rarities, it’s a thoroughly satisfying (if not comprehensive) tribute to a great, genuinely brave artist whose savage, self-critical standup is still ahead of the pack.

By Patrick Rapa

³ pop/rock

Moving from strength to strength, N.J.’s Italians Do It Better label follows 2012’s epic Symmetry and Chromatics LPs with After Dark 2, a sequel to their ethos-defining 2007 compilation. By now we know what to expect: 80 generous minutes of languorously leaden disco, seedy synth atmospherics and dispassionate vocals, typically delivered through vocoders, thick accents and/or blank-eyed stares. Basically, it’s music for sad, haunted discotheques — although Glass Candy’s contributions, at least, take on a brighter-than-usual cast.

While her brother Matthew constructs his solo albums as abstruse, hermetic wormholes of weirdness, Eleanor Friedberger’s are quirky and personal in an entirely different, decidedly more approachable way. Personal Record (Merge), the second set of sweet, chatty, retro-minded pop from the Fiery Furnaces’ distaff half, practically doubles as a short-story collection; reflecting on love and loss, friendship and solitude in a life lived through music. Characters include numerous oddly bewitching chanteuse types — “How could anyone resist a girl with such a big set list?” runs one pertinent punch line.

—K. Ross Hoffman

—Sam Adams

³ electronic/disco

flickpick

[ movie review ]

THE BLING RING

³ “I HAVEN’T HAD a Christian conversion or something.” Courtney Love’s on a hammock in Montauk overlooking the ocean and talking on the phone about how her new music is a lot like her old music. “It’s about sex and death and hate and love and blood and guts and all the usual shit.” Don’t read that wrong. Love is crazy excited. She’s got a bunch of material she’s ready to roll out on her current mini-tour, songs that aren’t “trying to be whatever a hit is today.” And then there are a couple more she’s too excited about to play. Because to play them is to leak them, and she’s picking her spots. For the time being, Love has retired Hole and is performing under her own name again. “Reznor can get away with [calling it] Nine Inch Nails and putting whoever he wants in it, and I can’t,” she laughs. “But I can get away with stuff Reznor can’t get away with, so it’s all good.” Her attempts to use Craigslist to put a band together made headlines a couple weeks back. Basically, her search for a female bassist for a Holetype band got only one reply, from a Juilliard kid. “The last person I’m gonna employ is a Juilliard student. Unless they got expelled,” she says. “People aren’t really playing rock ’n’ roll that much, Pat.” Courtney Love just said my name. “Maybe it’s a wheat-from-the-chaff thing, because you don’t get rewarded as fast. You don’t make as much money as fast, by any means. I know this old kind of verkakte producer who is very wealthy, and he’s done tons of platinum records, and he goes, ‘God, yeah, now it’s either property or art.’ I just looked at him and rolled my eyes. I mean, I rent. Please.” (pat@citypaper.net)

✚ Thu., June 20, 8 p.m., $43, with Starred, TLA, 334 South St., 215-922-1011, livenation.com.

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[ B+ ] OPENING WITH THE abrasive sounds of Sleigh Bells’ “Crown on the Ground” and credits in the most unsightly font known to man, Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring announces itself as a pointed departure from the gauzy aesthetics of Lost in Translation and Marie Antoinette. Based on the true story of a group of teenagers who burgled the Hollywood Hills houses of a half-dozen young celebrities, the film deliberately blurs the line between fantasy and true crime, employing the mock familiarity of Cribs and the haphazard shakiness of a TMZ video. For the Bling Ring teens, led by Katie Chang’s pushy Rebecca, the likes of Paris, Lindsay and Audrina — first names only, please — are already known quantities, their every move, and every outfit, no more than a hashtag away. So making themselves at home, albeit without their ostensible hosts present, seems like the next logical step. Although the Bling Ringers are fluent in designer labelspeak, Coppola doesn’t linger on the Louboutin heels or Alexander McQueen frocks. The movie’s most lyrical sequences concern not consumer goods but their acquisition, essentially a highvalue gloss on the thrill of adolescent rule-breaking. Paris Hilton’s swag-choked closet has as much personality as a Rodeo Drive showroom, but a single long-distance shot of Rebecca and co-conspirator Marc (Israel Broussard) navigating the glass box of Audrina Patridge’s house is a mesmerizing tour de force. If anything, The Bling Ring works too hard not to glamorize its status-seeking thieves. The movie lacks the productive ambivalence of Coppola’s best work, which embodies the lure of privilege as well as its discontents. Emma Watson’s vapid opportunist comes off as a self-made caricature, even if her most damning lines — telling a gaggle of courthouse reporters she might like to lead a country, and so on — are taken verbatim from her real-life counterpart. Even in the movie of their lives, these kids can’t live up to their own fictions. —Sam Adams

The thrill of adolescent rule-breaking.

GIRLS GONE WILD: (L-R) Emma Watson, Claire Julien and Katie Chang play celeb-obsessed teens with a penchant for burglary in Sofia Coppola’s based-on-a-true-story film.

LOVE, ACTUALLY

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[ disc-o-scope ]

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<<< continued from page 20

“I try to mumble my way through my deep, dark secrets.” sports and the military gold mines/ To the sacred church of the shopping shrine.” The song’s origins trace back to him and his girlfriend sitting around in a small town — “this kind of quintessential suburban shitball” — in Virginia, near his parents’ farm. “We started listing everything about the suburbs that we despised. That really is me at my nastiest, spitting blood on people who I hate. And pity. And also identify with, because I’m a product of the suburbs. I grew up in the suburbs. So I get it,” he says. “Most songs are less about anger toward other people and more about figuring out, just, suffering. What it’s about and why it’s there. And how to work through it,” he says. “I’ll be writing about this theme probably for the rest of my life.” Is he a personal songwriter? “Yeah?” he guesses. But he cloaks it in poetic misdirection. “I don’t want to just give it all away to a bunch of strangers. I try to mumble my way through my deep, dark secrets.” The jangly “Brain to Recorder” might be his most plainspoken: “Well, you’ve taken all my songs for free/ And my thoughts are no longer commercial entities.” This builds to a chorus that

[ arts & entertainment ]

could come only from somebody who’s been around the indierock block a few times: “We’ve heard enough noise from the bourgeoisie/ My songs are happy suffering like me.” Stoltzfus speaks of Mazarin in the past tense: “That band really took me by surprise. I just made a record, and the next thing you know, that was my full-time job.” He insists that none of the delay leading up to Light Heat is owed to living up to the esteem of his earlier work. “I never felt like people were waiting with bated breath for what I did next, or that there was some expectation of me trying to write the best pop song in the world,” he says. “I do this — I do it as a quote-unquote commercial venture — to allow myself to continue to do it.” (pat@citypaper.net) ✚ Tue., June 25, 7:30 p.m., free, AKA

Music, 27 N. Second St., 215-922-3855, akamusicphilly.com.

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The SoLow Festival, in apartments, bars and parks around Philly, is a quiet DIY arts revolution. By Mark Cofta

â&#x20AC;&#x153;

he festival is not produced in any way,â&#x20AC;? says Amanda Grove, cofounder of the upcoming SoLow Festival â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the name refers both to the solo nature of the works performed and the price of attending or participating. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There is no money for marketing or promotion. Our website is free. All communication is achieved with no monetary exchange,â&#x20AC;? thanks to Facebook, email and â&#x20AC;&#x153;good old chatting with each other.â&#x20AC;? The brainchild of Grove and fellow Philly performance artist Thomas Choinacky (away on an artist residency in Estonia this month), SoLow began in 2010 with five people presenting solo work in their own apartments and the Wolf Building. The next year, nine performers shared one-person shows in apartments, basements, fire escapes, bathrooms, coffee shops, galleries and churches â&#x20AC;&#x201D; â&#x20AC;&#x153;anything cheap or free,â&#x20AC;? Grove explains. Last year, SoLow grew to 15 shows. This year, there are more than 40 participants. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The goal is accessibility, not exclusivity,â&#x20AC;? for both audiences and artists, says Grove. The ethos of the festival is low stress and low maintenance, because â&#x20AC;&#x153;We all have the resources to create just by being alive and willing to take a risk,â&#x20AC;? Grove says. SoLowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s principles are a DIY manifesto reminiscent of the original Philly Fringe, the ticket prices of which go up every year: Every performance is pay-what-you-can, with no one turned away for lack of funds; all donations go directly to the performer. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no submission fee for consideration for the festival, because thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no

[ arts & entertainment ]

MORGAN FITZPATRICK ANDREWS

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

06/26/13

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[ theater ]

The Toy Theater Tour

screening process other than the requirement that performances be 51 percent solo. Aside from that, anything goes: music, dance, installations, performance art, invisible theater, street theater, webcasts, podcasts, personal narratives, storytelling, and film. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You just have to commit to doing your performance at least one time during the SoLow Festival dates,â&#x20AC;? says Grove. A few shows this year will be in theater spaces, but most are still at nontraditional venues: bars like the Trestle Inn, public spaces like 30th Street Station, corners, parks or walking from one location to another. Many play in homes (requiring an RSVP). Arjuna Ojosâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Phone a Friend/Enemy/Stranger takes place â&#x20AC;&#x153;anywhere via telephone.â&#x20AC;? Part of the Toy Theater Tour (above) is in a suitcase. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s even a first satellite performance, at a Cincinnati high school. Why all the strange venues? â&#x20AC;&#x153;We wanted to take the pressure of financial risk and investment out of the equation to foster experimentation, creative risk and risk for the audience,â&#x20AC;? Grove explains. Renting a performance space can be expensive, and â&#x20AC;&#x153;once money enters the equation, unnecessary complications arise.â&#x20AC;?

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Solo work is special because it makes performers so vulnerable, Grove says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sharing a piece of yourself. You are alone up there. I suspect that our surge in participants this year is from artists who were audience members last year, and were motivated to get up and try it themselves.â&#x20AC;? Grove says some prominent professional actors confided to her â&#x20AC;&#x153;how terrified they were to write something of their own and present it publicly.â&#x20AC;? Some even signed up the second and third years, but later backed out. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This year, they are back and doing it. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve signed up.â&#x20AC;? Many performers with mainstream theater pedigrees are participating: Among them, Barrymore-winner Amanda Schoonover premieres her ode to Clara Bow, It Girl Silenced, and director-actor Seth Reichgott introduces his alter ego Slim Bob Slim in Stand Back, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Gonna Uke.â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a chance for me to try out something new and step out of my comfort zone a bit,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And, really, how bad can a short concert of â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s tunes played on the ukulele be?â&#x20AC;? (m_cofta@citypaper.net) â&#x153;&#x161; June 20-30, pay what you can, solowfestival.

blogspot.com, RSVP to solowfestival@gmail.com.

INVITES YOU TO A SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING TO ENTER FOR YOU AND GUEST, VISIT THE CONTEST PAGE WWW.CITYPAPER. NET/WIN

*No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited or restricted by law. Employees of PROMO PARTNER, Columbia Pictures and their immediate families are not eligible. Please refer to screening passes for additional restrictions. This ďŹ lm has been rated â&#x20AC;&#x153;PG-13â&#x20AC;? by the MPAA for prolonged sequences of action and violence including intense gunďŹ re and explosions, some language and a brief sexual image.

IN THEATERS JUNE 28 www.WhiteHouseDown.com

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INVITE YOU AND A GUEST TO AN ADVANCE SCREENING TO ENTER TO WIN TICKETS, PLEASE VISIT THE CONTEST PAGE WWW.CITYPAPER.NET/WIN This ямБlm is rated PG-13. No recording of any kind. No purchase necessary. Passes do not guarantee entry to screening. Theater is overbooked to insure a full theater.

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OPENS IN PHILADELPHIA JUNE 28 AT THE RITZ AT THE BOURSE

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FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

Much Ado About Nothing

✚ NEW THE BLING RING See Sam Adams’ review on p. 21. (Ritz East)

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DIRTY WARS | C+

COLUMBI A PICTURES PRESENTSMUSICA POINT GREY/MANDATECO-PICTURES PRODUCTION “THIS IS THE END” MUSIC SUPERVISION BY JONATHAN KARP BY HENRY JACKMAN PRODUCERS JAY BARUCHEL MATTHEW LEONETTI JR. EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS NATHAN KAHANE NICOLE BROWN JASON STONE BARBARA A. HALL ARIEL SHAFFIR KYLE HUNTER SCREEN STORY AND PRODUCED SCREENPLAY BY SETH ROGEN & EVAN GOLDBERG BY SETH ROGEN EVAN GOLDBERG JAMES WEAVER DIRECTED BY SETH ROGEN & EVAN GOLDBERG CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS FOR THEATERS AND SHOWTIMES

Investigative journalist Jeremy Scahill has uncovered stories vital to understanding the messy ambiguities of modern warfare. In his book Blackwater, the Nation correspondent told the history of the controversial military contractors; in Dirty Wars: The World Is a Battlefield, he discusses America’s covert wars, fought with drone strikes and targeted assassinations. In the documentary of the same name, director Rick Rowley follows Scahill as he researches that story in Afghanistan, Somalia and Yemen. Along the way, Scahill admits, “I didn’t know how much the world had changed or how much the story would change me.” Rowley takes that statement as his cue to focus attention on the messenger at least as much as the message; the film is effective as polemic but far more successful at glorifying Scahill’s exploits. There’s no doubt that the writer has risked his life by venturing into places, as he points out in his incessant narration, “where journalists never show up to ask questions.” But each heart-wrenching interview with someone whose family has been killed is balanced with a few cutaways to Scahill staring moodily at his laptop screen or frantically scribbling in his notebook. The reporter’s death grip on the film’s perspective, whether through his self-aggrandizing narration or his grimly empathetic reaction shots, tips it dangerously toward being less about what Scahill discovered than about how those discoveries make him feel. —Shaun Brady (Ritz Five)

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY | A With the 6-to-10-year-old demographic that gobbled up

the 2001 original now college-age, the ivy-laced sequel to Monsters, Inc. is timed so perfectly that it’s scary. Stirring up sentiment in Pixar’s signature beautiful, backhanded way, the film works on its own, though it’ll hold a singular appeal for young adults who probably think they’ve aged out. Technically a prequel, Monsters University follows Inc. duo Mike (voiced by Billy Crystal) and Sulley (John Goodman) as they meet — and clash — as freshmen at MU’s world-class scaring school, which trains monsters to harvest “scream energy” from unsuspecting human children. Book-smart Mike’s an ace student but about as terrifying as a kitten; Sulley, the scion of a respected scaring family, has ample raw talent but no work ethic. Kicked out of the program by the intimidating Dean Hardscrabble (Helen Mirren) after flunking a lab practical, the pair joins the bumbling outcast frat Oozma Kappa to compete in the campus “Scare Games,” the only way back onto the right academic path. Aside from the dearth of drunken vulgarity, the plot’s no different from any other American “college experience” movie, but this one stands out for its technical sophistication and sincerity. (The animation makes its dozen-years-old predecessor look like one of those bizarre Chinese news cartoons.) Yet it’s the congruity of this entry with Monsters, Inc. — in particular, the origin story of evil Randy (Steve Buscemi) — that boosts its value. —Drew Lazor (Wide release)

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING | ANothing screams vanity project like an A-list director gathering a group of friends at his house for a tossed-off movie shoot, but the blitzkunst approach suits both Joss Whedon and his material, William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. In contrast to Kenneth Branagh’s ossified film version, whose period sheen only deepened the

✚ CONTINUING BEFORE MIDNIGHT | A-

PHILAMOCA

Littered with actors playing juiced-up versions of themselves, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg’s marathon hash-oil sesh of a directorial debut is brazen in its self-service.The action starts when Rogen picks up old buddy Jay Baruchel from the airport for a weekend of L.A. debauchery and convinces him to attend weirdo James Franco’s housewarming party.Then, the Rapture: A sinkhole opens up in the front lawn, sucking in attendees as the hills smolder with hellfire. Already at odds over their strained friendship, Baruchel and Rogen end up barricaded inside Franco’s manse along with Craig Robinson, Jonah Hill and Danny McBride, all of whom have their asshole afterburners firing at red-hot temps. From here it’s a battery of in-jokes, cameos, film-in-film parodies and theological hand-wringing as the crew figures out how to avoid eternal damnation. —DL (Wide release)

531 N. 12th St., 167-519-9651, www. philamoca.org. Low Movie (How to Quit Smoking) (2013, U.S., 65 min.): Almost as good as seeing the Minnesota trio live. Thu., June 20, 7:30 and 9:30 p.m.

✚ REPERTORY FILM

tion of Falun Gong. Tue., June 25, 7 p.m., $12.50.

TROCADERO BALCONY 1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc. com. A Night of Short Films VI: Average Superstar Films presents a fest for the easily distracted. Sun., June 23, 6:30 p.m., $6.

RITZ AT THE BOURSE 400 Ranstead St., 215-440-1181, landmarktheatres.com. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975, U.K., 100 min.): “My vheels! My God, I can’t move my vheels!” Fri., June 21, midnight, $10.

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Café L’Aube | The newest Café L’Aube has a pretty swank address, just steps off Rittenhouse Square. (NB: The easily missed cafe entrance is on Locust.) L’Aube Torrefaction coffee is a draw, but the crepes are the real stars. If you’re hoping for something with a bit more heft, croques madames and messieurs are available, too. Open weekdays, 7 a.m.-7 p.m., weekends, 8 a.m.-6 p.m., 222 W. Rittenhouse Sq., 215-772-3051, cafelaube.com. Tiffin Bistro | The space that once housed Kris is now a part of Munish Narula’s growing empire. This latest iteration fills the midrange-BYOB-shaped gap between the existing Tiffin locations and the very swank Tashan. Chef Kirti Pant has developed an affordable menu that mixes basics like saag paneer and chicken tikka masala with less-common entrees, like lamb kolhapuri. Open Sun.-Thu., 11:30 a.m.-10 p.m., Fri.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-11 p.m., 1100 Federal St., 215-468-0104, tiffin.com. Xi’an Sizzling Woks | Xi’an Famous Foods is a NYC brand with wide-ranging recognition — so if there was a bit of confusion when an unrelated Xi’an Famous Foods opened in Philly last month, it was understandable. The name was changed in no time, but the food remains the same, and it’s a welcome addition to the Chinatown scene. Cold liangpi noodles are a must-try; cumin-spiked “burgers” are another highlight. Open daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m., 902 Arch St., 215-925-1688. ³ CHECK, PLEASE

No amount of advance warning could quite prepare us for the reality of Le Bec Fin closing its doors for good, as it did after its final dinner service on Saturday. With no change in ownership, the space is set to be overhauled to house a new concept headed up by chef Justin Bogle (who has a couple of Michelin stars to brag about). Got A Tip? Please send restaurant news to restaurants@ citypaper.net or call 215-735-8444, ext. 207.

WINGIN’ IT: Maple-marinated and hot-saucetossed wings are topped with crisp Brusselssprout leaves. NEAL SANTOS

[ review ]

POINT TAKEN Fishtown’s Cedar Point runs the gamut from “vintage housewife” fare to raw-beet ravioli. By Adam Erace

CEDAR POINT BAR & KITCHEN | 2370 E. Norris St., 215-423-5400,

cedarpointbarandkitchen.com. Hours: Mon.-Fri., 11 a.m.-2 a.m.; Sat.Sun., 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Appetizers, $8-$10; entrees, $8-$15; desserts, $6-$7.

ou can’t see the river, let alone the ocean, from the triangular wood patio jutting over the intersection of Norris, Cedar and Susquehanna like a sundeck over a rocky Mediterranean beach. But for landlocked Fishtown residents this summer, there may be no better place to pretend. The spacious planked platform belongs to More on: Cedar Point Bar & Kitchen, a haven of tempeh Reubens and Nitro Milk Stouts catering to the Memphis Taproom/Johnny Brenda’s set. When my brother-in-law told his Fishtown pal’s aunt, a lifer who lives up the street, he was going to Cedar Point for dinner, her derisive retort was: “What’reya gonna get, a vegan burger?” Owners Shannon Dougherty and Liz Petersen — they ran Northern Liberties’ A Full Plate Cafe for seven years — may have that perception to battle, both from cranky members of the old guard and from those who take one look at “carrot and celery-root pulp salad” and “BBQ portobello stems” and run for the nearest pork-

citypaper.net

belly poutine. It’s an ironic position to be in, considering friendly Cedar Point is about as all-inclusive as restaurants get. Dougherty’s menu balances meaty (jambalaya, pulled-pork grilled cheese) and meatless (vegan cheese board, fried-green-tomato po’boy) fare, and the down-to-earth staff makes Old and New Fishtown equally welcome. When I arrived just after happy hour — deals include $2 off draughts, $1 off cans and wine and half-price wings — all sorts were camped out and enjoying the late sun on the deck: couples, CrossFit buddies, beer philosophers, grandparents, teachers celebrating graduation, girls in short-shorts and tank tops, guys in short-shorts and tank tops, dad groups with curly haired Little Leaguers in tow. At one point a woman wandered in with a Hula-Hoop, and no one batted an eye. The at-capacity outdoor space forced late arrivals (me) inside, where mortar-crusted exposed brick backs the bar and the rusty, gray-legged lab stools flank the high-top MORE FOOD AND wood tables. We waited a spell at the 15-tap DRINK COVERAGE bar, sipping pours of Namaste and Burton AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / Barton, two elusive Dogfish collabos whose M E A LT I C K E T. presence helps define Cedar Point as a craftbeer destination in a neighborhood absolutely soaked with choice suds. Dougherty and Peterson’s business partner, avid home brewer Anthony Scavuzzo, has assembled an enviable roster of blue-chip brewers (Sixpoint, Left Hand, Great Divide) mixed with locals like Free Will (Perkasie) and Rivertowne (Monroeville) I’d never even heard of. Cocktails favor housemade ingredients like freshly juiced kale (a kale martini), ginger syrup (the Dark & Stormy) and handpressed lemonade (the Allagash Shandy) made by Scavuzzo. >>> continued on adjacent page

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U N E 2 0 - J U N E 2 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | 35

A staffer led us to a table in Cedar Pointâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dining room, where a shamrock-green wall displays a rotating collection of local art. We ordered drinks. We ordered wings. The server asked, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Chicken or veggie?â&#x20AC;? Go figure. Maple-marinated and tossed in housemade hot sauce, the (chicken) wings arrived buried beneath a mulch of brittle, flash-fried Brussels-sprout leaves, one of several well-intended but silly conceits that hamper Doughertyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s menu. Homely beet â&#x20AC;&#x153;ravioli,â&#x20AC;? buttons of goat cheese pressed between crunchy slices of raw root, were forced on dynamite spinach-and-walnut pesto like a pity prom date; the coarsely ground green sauce would have preferred actual ravioli. Braised with tomatoes, onions and red wine, juicy brisket wrapped in a spongy johnnycake tasted rich and satisfying but was missing a key ingredient: a blindfold. These magnanimously named â&#x20AC;&#x153;pinwheelsâ&#x20AC;? looked like a plate of brown sludge. Some of Doughertyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s choices left me scratching my head: Why a johnnycake for the brisket when a sturdy roll would do? Why drench the thoroughly crusted fried chicken in so much sugary maple-sweetened barbecue sauce that the cornbread waffle beneath became a soggy mess? Early quotes from Dougherty describe the cuisine at Cedar Point as â&#x20AC;&#x2122;70s-housewife-style. Accurate. Who else would throw together grilled Brussels sprouts, green apple, walnuts, capers, cheddar cheese and balsamic vinaigrette and call it a salad? If greens are your aim, better to go with the Harlequin Chopped â&#x20AC;&#x201D; please chop whoever named this â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a vibrant minced mix of romaine and bibb lettuces, roasted beets, carrots, peas, lima beans and onions tossed with French dressing lightened with V8. Lots of color, lots of flavor and evidence that Doughertyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s creative streak serves her well on occasion. I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have guessed lima beans belong in a salad, let alone stewed in chile-spiced maple syrup and spooned over a perfectly cooked, cumin-and-fennel-rubbed Sweet Stem Farm pork chop and root-vegetable mash, a deal of a $15 entree. But this greener take on baked beans was among the best tasting morsels at Cedar Point. Another inspired combination: apricot and horseradish, blended with coconut milk into a fruity, cooling dip for the wings. Strawberries and rhubarb hit a more classic chord in the homey miniature pies by Haddonfield bakery Sweet Tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. In the end, the suspicious aunt of my brother-in-lawâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s buddy was right: We did have the vegan burger, a whitebean-and-kale patty on a dairy-free bun smeared with woodsy vegan mayo aioli scented with sage. It was mushy, but the fries were crisp. Next time Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll try the good old-fashioned cheeseburger, made with grass-fed beef, local cheddar (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Herdsmanâ&#x20AC;? by Cherry Grove) and caramelized onions. So will Aunt Fishtown. After my brother-in-law explained Cedar Point had much more to offer than vegan burgers, she seemed surprised: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, really? Then maybe Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have to try it.â&#x20AC;? First kale martiniâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on me. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

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[ food & drink ]

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[ food & drink ]

LET THEM EAT TASTYKAKE! COMING SOON...

check out londongrill.com for info

gracetavern.com

2301 FAIRMOUNT AVE . 2 1 5 . 9 7 8 . 4 5 4 5

HOW WE DO IT: The restaurants, bars and markets listed in this section rotate every week and are compiled by City Paper editorial staff. If you have suggestions or corrections,email restaurants@citypaper.net.

✚ BARS DOLPHIN TAVERN

If there’s one thing Philly loves, it’s a bar with character. The Dolphin had it in spades, so when it shut down last year, it was rightly and intensely mourned. Recently it reopened under new management (dominant Four Corners, which counts Union Transfer and Morgan’s Pier among its properties) and, thankfully, the new guys realized they shouldn’t fix what wasn’t broken. Inside, the space is largely the same with major overhauls only where they really count (i.e., the draft list and the bathrooms). The dancers who make the place what it is are back, and with some help from R5 Productions and Making Time’s Dave P., the DJ nights have become a serious draw in their own right. Open daily, 5:30 p.m.-2 a.m. 1539 S. Broad St., 215-278-7950, thedolphinphilly.com.

STRANGELOVE’S BEER BAR

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Husband-and-wife team Leigh Maida and Brendan Hartranft (Memphis Taproom, Resurrection Ale House, Local 44) have finally ventured into Center City, but they’ve managed to bring along some of the neighborhood feel that’s made their other bars so successful. Of course, an expert tap list and some good food don’t hurt. Chef Paul Martin (formerly of Catahoula, Parc) has put together a menu with plenty of touches that reflect his time cooking in New Orleans, from catfish po’ boys to Crystal-hotsauce-spiked ketchup. Vegans will find themselves very well taken care of; the full menu is available until midnight. Open daily 11:30 a.m.-2 a.m. 216 S. 11th St., 215-8730404, strangelovesbeerbar.com.

✚ BISTRO PENNSYLVANIA 6

The ownership team behind City Tap House and the Field House has gone in a decidedly different direction for their new Midtown Village spot. The old Tweed space has been given a seriously luxe makeover with an old-Hollywood feel, courtesy of red banquettes, marble and portraits of the likes of Sophia Loren. The menu, from chef Marc Plessis (XIX), is heavy on seafood and luxury — expect an extensive raw bar and (because why not?) bone marrow with a bourbon add-on for the lugeinclined. Open Mon.-Fri., 11:30 a.m.-2 a.m.; Sat.-Sun., 2 p.m.-2 a.m. 114 S. 12th St., 267-639-5606, pennsylvania6philly.com.

✚ DELI THE AVENUE DELICATESSEN Lansdowne’s newest resident seeks to merge Italian and Jewish deli cultures into a cohesive whole — not always in one dish, though chef Laura Frangiosa’s menu does

include Reuben arancini and Jewish wedding soup (that’s meatballs and matzoh balls). Becca O’Brien (Green Aisle Grocery, Creperie Beau Monde) is in charge of the in-house pickle-and-preserve program. Open Tue.-Sun., 8 a.m.-4 p.m. 27 N. Lansdowne Ave., 610-6223354, theavenuedeli.com.

✚ NOODLES CHEU NOODLE BAR

After a couple of years of wildly buzzy pop ups and plenty of speculation, chef Ben Puchowitz (Matyson) and business partner Shawn Darragh have finally set up shop — and they’ve been playing to a full house pretty much every night. The opening menu covered bases no one could’ve dreamed of (want a side of housemade scrapple with your ramen, or brisket and matzoh balls in chile broth?), and they’ve been busily adding even more surprises. New tastes include fish ribs and barbecue pig tails; keep an eye out for more noodle options being crafted in-house (including gluten-free rice ones). Open Mon., Wed., Thu., Sun., noon-2 p.m. and 5-10 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., noon-2 p.m. and 5-11 p.m. 255 S. 10th St., 267639-4136, cheunoodlebar.com.

✚ PIZZA PIZZERIA BEDDIA

No one’s going to accuse Joe Beddia of rushing to market. He’s been making careful study of pizza for years, and early responses to the American-style pies coming out of his new Fishtown spot suggest that all that homework’s paying off. His thin-crust pies are fired on a gas deck and the concept is the picture of simplicity. The menu is limited to 16-inch red pies with a small handful of optional toppings. You can’t get it by the slice, and there’s not much in the way of seating — but good pizza doesn’t require much adornment. Open Wed.-Sat., 5:30-10:30 p.m. 115 E. Girard Ave., pizzeriabeddia.com.

✚ SCANDINAVIAN NOORD EETCAFE

Pre-opening buzz around Noord ran at fever pitch, and not only because its East Passyunk address guaranteed insta-intrigue. Chef-owner Joncarl Lachman was coming home and he was bringing with him a cuisine that Philly’s been more or less starved for — Northern European, loosely interpreted, but heavy on Scandinavian and Dutch dishes. Look for the nutmeg-spiked meatballs known as bitterballen, a rotation of smørrebrød (Danish open-faced sandwiches) featuring housesmoked fish, and plenty of vinegarsteeped delights. Open Wed.-Fri., 5:30-10 p.m.; Sat., 5-10 p.m.; Sun., 5-9 p.m. 1046 Tasker St., 267-9099704, noordphilly.com.

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merchandise market BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826 CABINETS KITCHEN SOLID WOOD Brand new soft close/dovetail drawers, Full Overlay, Incl. Crown, Never Installed! Cost $5,300. Sell $1,590. 610-952-0033 Cemetery Plot at Hillside For Sale Call For More Info: (215) 800-5606 Curio (2) glass w/blk trim Must Sell. No reasonable offer refused 215.698.0787 Diabetic Test Strips Needed pay up to $25/box. Most brands. 610-453-2525

BD a Memory Foam Mattress/Bx spring Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399 610-952-0033

BED: Brand New Queen Pillowtop Set $145; 5pc Bedrm Set $325 215-355-3878

School Police hat & badge Lost in the Vic of Ogontz & Olney if found please return to Central High School. 215.276.5262

2013 Hot Tub/Spa. Brand New! 6 person w/lounger, color lights, waterfall, Cover, 110V or 220V, Never installed. Cost $7K Ask $2990. Can deliver 610-952-0033

Great Danes A.K.C. registered parents on premises, 20 years breeding 'Gentle Giants'. $1200. 302-379-3423

Siamese Kittens m/f applehead, purebred, Health Guar. $400 610-692-6408

LAB PUPS READY NOW MUST COME SEE!!! 100% GUAR. 215-768-4344 Labs Pups, AKC B+Y ready 6/30, Great Family/Hunters, S/W/D, 856.299.0377

English Springer Spainels pups 4M/3F 9 wks, $500, 1st shots, 856.624.4307 Email: CMRileyLLC@msn.com

GERMAN SHEPHERD AKC reg. Pups, 10 wks. $575. 717-669-2703 German Shepherd Puppies Parents on premises with papers. 267-977-3491

Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-639-0563 I Buy Anything Old...Except People! Military, toys, dolls etc Al 215.698.0787 I Buy Guitars & All Musical Instruments-609-457-5501 Rob JUNK CARS WANTED We buy Junk Cars. Up to $300 215-888-8662

46xx Sansom St 2BR/1BA $900+utils w/w, LR, DR, kitchen, den, 1st floor, close to trans. Students welc. 215-901-9100

***215-200-0902***

Maltese Pups: shots, wormed, ready to go now, M & F, 10 Wks, 856.562.3220 MASTIFF PUPS - Call for more information 856-237-9813 or 856-498-3958 Pekingese Pups 8 Wks 6F,1MRareBlack$395.(215)579-1922

PIT BULL PUPS - red/blue nose, w/blue eyes, 3F/2M, shots, $250. 215-391-2090 POMERANIAN PUPPIES Healthy, weeks. $350. 717-529-6719 ext. 6

ROTTWEILER Pups, 9 weeks old, M, $700. F, $650. AKC. 484-523-4421 ROTTWEILER PUPS - German bloodline, health guar. $700/ea. Call 717-768-8157 SHIH TZU pups ACA, 14 Wks, $850 Solid/Tan/white. Call 215.752.1393 SOFT-COATED WHEATEN TERRIER pups, M-F, "No-Shed", Irish Shaggys, $900/each 610-248-3241

1100 S 58th St. 1BR apt. heat/hw incl., lic #362013 215-525-5800 1900 S. 65th St. 2BR Apt Newly renov, Lic #400451, 215.525.5800 54xx Angora Ter. 2Br/1Ba $775+elec LR, DR, Kit, 1st Flr Dplx, 215.324.4424 6522 Belmar St. SW 1BR $725 inc elec, gas, water. Nice reno, secure, 1st flr, hw flrs, fireplace, deck, appli, 814.657.4488 splashndash04@yahoo.com S. 57th St. 3BR $765 2nd floor. Call 267-902-9269

21 North Lindenwood 3br/1ba $900/mo + elec all new section 8 ok. Move in: $2700 with credit. Call 267-701-7845 51 North 63rd St. 2BR/1BA $675 New Reno, Call 267-592-7150 53xx Master St. Lovely modern 1br $575 + util. 2 mo sec. 215-748-3327 54th and Market 1br/1ba $500/mo + Sec Dep. + Utils. 2nd Flr, Newly Renov., Refrigerator Incl. No Pets, Drugs or Smoking, Nice & Quiet, Crd Chk, 215-748-5222 54th & Baltimore 1Br/1Ba $575/util 2nd flr newly reno 267-258-7935

60xx Baltimore 1Br $750 + Utils Garage Parking, W/W, W/D, Fridge, A/C, 2+1, 215.317.0146, 215.514.3960 6144 Ludlow St Apt 2 2br/1ba 800/mo+ gas & elec. All new sec 8 ok. $2400 Move in w/ credit. Call 267-701-7845

Bridge & Pratt Effic. $450+elec. Call 215-613-8989 or 267-746-8696 Pratt & Blvd. 1BR $580 Living room, kitch, no pets. 215-289-2973 1 BR & 2 BR Apts $735-$835 spacious, great loc., upgraded, heat incl, PHA vouchers accepted 215-966-9371

5220 Wayne Ave Studio & 1BR on site lndry, 215-525-5800 Lic# 507568 886 N. 66th St. 1BR/1BA $550 Newly renovated. Call 267-232-8705

607 E. Church Ln. 1BR near LaSalle Univ. 215.525.5800 Lic. # 494338

Apartment Homes $650-$995 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

Balwynne Park 2BR $860+utils W/D, C/A, W/W. Call 215-219-6409

1740 Georges Lane 2BR $725 + utils pvt entry, credit check. 610-659-7177

GREEN LANE 1 BR $750+ utils 2nd flr, w/w crpt, w/d, 215.482.2643

Chew & Mt. Airy 1BR/1BA $495 Fridge, carpet, cozy. 215-990-9709 Greene and Upsal 1BR/1BA $575 start Eff and 1BR large rooms less then half a block from train station 215-643-2000

13xx W. Rush 1BR $650/mo. $1950 move in. Elec. only. 267-402-8836 19xx N. 32nd St. 2br $725+elec. brand new, c/a, $2175 req., 215-322-2375

3736 N. 19th St. 2BR/1BA $800 1st flr., spacious. Call 267-258-3677

1, 2, 3, 4 BEDROOM

FURNISHED APTS Laundry-Parking 215-223-7000 25th & Indiana 1Br/1Ba $550+Utils Air, W/W, Refridge, 267.312.7485 32xx Park Ave. 1BR/1BA $550+ gas & elec. Fresh paint. 267-236-3401 4th & Lehigh 3Br/1Ba $700+Utils $2100 Move in, 215-779-1512

11XX Wingohocking 2br $650+ Utils. 2+1, New Reno, SSI Ok, 267.784.9284

1414 W. 71st 1br $625 incl utils. Near Trans & shops 215.574.2111

3419 G St. Apt 2 2br/1ba $750/mo. + gas & elec. Move in: $2250 with credit. Call: 267-701-7845

4200 Frankford Ave. Studio $480 Small, with kitch. & bath. 215-289-2973 4840 Oxford Ave Studio, 1BR, 2BR, 3BR Ldry, 24/7 cam lic#214340 215.525.5800

10xx Fanshawe Street 1st floor 2BR/ 1BA $750/mth Newly renovated kit, lvr, dr, bth, ww carpet, laundry facilities, big yard, close to all transportation, storage, great neighborhood, lots of parking, 1st and last mth to move in. immediate occ avail. (215) 802-4565

4057 Comly 2Br/1Ba $700+utils 1st & 2nd Flr, 267.808.8432

600 Park Ave 1br/1ba $600 + sec. Utils not incl. 215-480-6460

5401 Howland St 2BR/1BA $675 Quiet, sunny, 2bdrm, 2nd fl duplx, AC, near transp & shops. $675 mo+ util (215) 439-5731

60XX Warnock 1 BR $625+ nr Fernrock Train Station,215-276-8534

6812 Ditman St. Studio on site parking, laundry. 215-525-5800 Lic# 212751

Drexel Hill 2BR $815+ utils 2nd flr. Near Transp. Call 610-291-8560 SWARTHMORE 2BR/1BA $1,250 1st flr. apt., nice. Call 570-898-1542

Abington 2BR $850+Utilis. Near trans, Sec 8 Ok, 215-657-1065. Cheltenham Township, Studio $675/Mo 1Br/1Ba $625/Mo, LaMott 1st + Sec Dep Avail Immed. 215.540.9183

2xx N. 52nd St 1Br & Rms Near Trans, Reasonable, 484.358.0761 49xx N. 8th St. 2br, 1ba, $575 + elect. 1st/last/sec. 267-872-6217 53xx Girard Ave 1Room $100-$110 wkly Lrg Clean Furn 215-917-1091 NE 1br $125+sec. Nice hse, room for rent. 215-535-0958/267-312-5039

1547 S. 30th St. furn, fridge, $125 week, $375 move in. no kitchen. 215-892-7198 15th & Wharton - Clean, Furn, $125/wk. 500 move-in, Share Ba/Kit, 215.875.6803 1xx N 52nd - 3 wk deposit no pets, drugs, or smoking, $125/wk + 215-915-2678 2762 N. 28th St. Studio, pvt BA, Ent & Kit $135/wk, $405 mv in. 267-250-0761 33rd & Ridge Ave. $100-125/week. Large renovated furnished rooms near Fairmount Park & bus depot (215) 317-2708

55/Thompson deluxe quiet furn $115$145wk priv ent $200 sec 215-572- 8833 74th & Elmwood and 50th & Girard New rooms, start $100/wk 267-784-5671 Broad/Olney furn refrig micro priv ent $115/$145wk sec $200 215.572.8833 Broad & Wyoming Area $85-$125/Wk, $200 Sec, Furn, Pvt Ent, 267.784.9284 Erie Ave. Nice, furn, fridge, micro, quiet, $90 wk., $270 sec. dep. (609) 703-4266 Frankford, nice rm in apt, near bus & El, $300 sec, $90/wk & up. 215-526-1455 Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (267)988-5890

GERMAN SHEPHERD PUPS 9 wks, 4 M Large Boned, AKC reg, OFA & DNA cert, exc disposition & nerves, temperament tested, 7 generation champs, german blood lines, superior quality, health cert/shots/wormed. 609.351.3205

W. Phila. Apts for 62 & older, brand new eff, 1 & 2BR units. Call 215.386.4791

79XX Forrest Ave 2 BR $850 + util. 1st/Last/Sec Dep, Gar, 267.218.1543

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U N E 2 0 - J U N E 2 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

3/4 Maine Coon Kittens - 1st vacc & wormed. 88 wks, all colors, $200 each. 484-357-4885

9xx Belmont Ave 1br $650 extra lg apt, eat in kit, 215.275.2736

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $

3rd & Fairmont 1Br/1Ba $1200 Util Incl 5 Room apt, lg kit, office, 215-592-7813

Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

English Bulldog & Blue Pitbull pups, 2 M 2 F, shots, wormed, 215-821-4767

**Bob610-532-9408***

apartment marketplace

pets/livestock

CANE CORSO / VICTORIAN BULL PUPS! 2 females, 1 male, 8 weeks, $450 each. Call 215-641-1605

apartment marketplace

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ Really Paid

everything pets

Border Collie Puppies $450/each Registered, farm working parents, black & white. Call (717)582-7753

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 2 season tickets. Section 121, row 4, 42 yard line. Best offer. Call 941-751-0478 or email: moriarty1@ymail.com

food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

apartment marketplace Hunting Park: Furn. Luxury Rooms. Free utils, cable, A/C. Call 267-331-5382

NICETOWN Large clean room with cable. $100/week. Call 215-225-5680 N. PHILA $75 & up. SSI & Vets+ ok, drug free. Avail immed. 215-763-5565

N PHILA. Effic. $150/wk $450 Move in, No Pets 267.992.2063 N. Philly $100/wk. share ba mw/frig in room. SSI ok. Call 267-516-6235 Olney & N Phila. $85 & up furn, kit privs, coin-op, crpt. 516.527.0186 S 59th St. near El, furn, a/c, fridge, $90/wk + $90 sec. 215-472-8119 SW, N, W Move in Special $90-$125/wk Clean furn rms, SSI ok, 215.220.8877

SW Phila room 58th & Beaumont newly renov. $125 week. 267-595-9938 West Philadelphia Room For rent 215-747-2522 WP/Logan/NP pvt entry, also effic avail $110 - $135/wk. Call 609-526-5411

homes for rent

58xx N 15th 3br/1Ba $1100+Utils W/W, Gar, Bsmnt, 215.324.4424 60xx Wister St. 4BR/ 1BA $850 Near La Salle, 2mo. sec. + 1mo. rent. Call Mr. Faham 215-439-0482 50xx Keyser St. 3BR/1BA $850+ water, gas & elec. 267-236-3401 67xx N Broad St. 5BR/2BA $1375 plus utils. Sect 8 ok. 215-224-6566 2xx Tusculum St. 2br/1ba $525+utils $1,575 to move-in. Call 610-876-0604 35xx Braddock St, 19134 PHA SEC 8 OK. 2 br, 1 ba, 1 blk from public transp, front porch, yard, wash/dryer refrig. $700/mo,+util. 215-946-6000 PHILA 4BR/ 2BA Sec8 Ok, New Reno, 215.322.6086 14xx Gillingham 3BR New Reno, Sec 8 Ok, Call 267.587.7290 1637 Bridge St. 3BR/1BA $995 Sec 8 OK, remodeled throughout, W/D, fridge. Text 215-287-0205 or email teetimegary@aol.com 42xx Benner 3br/1ba $900+. Yard. Avail Now! Call 215-704-4427 4978 Whitaker Av Northeast beautiful 3BR/1.5BA Beaut. cond, new paint, C/A, fin bsmt,gar, no pets,Jimmy (215) 920-8397 OXFORD CIRCLE 887 Marcella St. 3br 1ba $850 plus 267-632-4580

Oaklyn, NJ 2BR 1BA row 5 mins Ferry Ave Speed ln. Sec 8 ok. $950+. 609-417-4650

38 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

J U N E 2 0 - J U N E 2 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

12xx S. 28th St. 3BR Sec 8 ok, amazing. 732-814-6511 1944 South Beechwood ST 3br/1ba $1000/mo+ elec. All new. Sec 8 ok. Move in: $3000 with credit. Call 267-701-7845 22xx Hemberger St. 3BR/1.5Ba. 1st & Sec Dep, Credit Chk, 610.659.2452 4xx Winton St. 3BR/1BA $850+ No pets, sec. 8 ok. Call 215-539-7866 Point Breeze 2BR $750+utils newly remod., close to CC. 267-333-3995

1218 South 52nd St 5br/2ba $1250/mo twin home. Section 8 ok. Move in: $3750 with credit Call 267-701-7845 12xx S. Markoe 5BR/2 full BA Lg LR, DR, kitch., sec 8 ok, 215-432-3040

71xx Theodore St. 3BR/1BA $850+utils Sec. 8 ok. Call 215-630-8123

51xx Ranstead st 3Br/1Ba $800/mo 2, 3br Voucher, Sec 8 Ok, renovated, W/D, Near Trans, Call 215-206-4582 West Phila 1br- 6br $800+ Sec. 8 housing. w/w, h/w, w/d. Call 267-773-8265 W PHILA 3br/1ba $725mo. Please call 12-5pm 215-747-8150

automotive Chevy Monte Carlo S/S 2003 $5000 92K Mi, Slv/Blk, New Insp, 215.313.5204 Ford Fusion SEL 2007 $10,000 75,000 miles, excel. cond., maintenance file available. Call 610-316-5571

Ford Mustang Cobra Convertible 2004 58k mi Red, garage kept great condition. man. trans. $19,000 215-565-6890 LEXUS RX300 ’00 $6000 Red Ext, Beige int. pwr winds/drs/locks/ mirrors, sunroof, CD. 215-399-6251

low cost cars & trucks Buick Lesabre Custom 1997 $1850 All pwrs, 95k, New Insp 215.620.9383

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“PRODUCT PLACEMENT” — WE’LL JUST SLIP THIS IN THERE

Chevy TrailBlazer LTZ 2004 $4,275 EXT, V8, leather, 9 seats. 267-592-0448 Dodge Durango 2000 $2,200/obo May trade, 4x4, new insp. 267-975-4483 DODGE Durango 2000 $895 Runs but needs work. 215-463-6070 Lincoln Continental 1997 $1,500 91K Mi, Runs Well. Call 856-667-1078 Mercedes Benz Luxry 300 SE 1993 $4975 4 dr w sun roof, positively flawless, senior citzen, sac substantially less than book value, deluxe sound sys 215-922-5342 Mercury Grand Marquis 2000, Luxury 4 Door, Few original mi, like new $3950 Senior Owner, Call Mary 215-922-6113 Olds Cutslass Calais 1991 $1150 Auto, 4 cyl, 104K, Insp, 215.620.9383 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme 1995 $2500/obo leather interior V6, power everything, 215-839-4793 Plymouth Voyager SE 1994 $1250 Auto, New Insp, Runs Exc, 215.620.9383 Toyota Avalon XLE 1996 $1650 4DR, loaded, clean. 215-518-8808

CLEAN

✚ ACROSS 1 6 10 14 15 16 17 18 20 22 23 24 27 30 34 36 39 40

Niassan Maxima SE 2004 $10,500 54K Mi, Auto Start, Loaded, 302.475.6798 VW Passat 2007 $6,400 New Insp, Sun Roof, 6 CD, 267.885.7559

A1 PRICES FOR JUNK CARS FREE TOW ING , Call (215) 726-9053

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4xx Rockland St. 1br, $575 + wall2wall, backyard, 267-879-1750

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Cadillac DeVille DHS 2002 $4,000/obo May trade, new insp., guarantee, warr., 137K, perfect cond. Call 267-975-4483

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the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U N E 2 0 - J U N E 2 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | 39

lulueightball

To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ³ email lovehate@citypaper.net ANGRY MOTORIST

I HATE WHAT YOU’VE BECOME I ended things with you a few months ago. We were together for two and a half years and two days after I end things with you you tell me you’ve already met someone and how much of a better fuck she is than me. Well I got over that and accepted you back into

dudes and stop manipulating innocent girls. Oh!!!! And your dick smells like shit. Take a fucking shower instead of going into the bathroom to cry and cut yourself because you have it oh so hard. You’re a fucking liar and not to mention completely insane. Your father made the right decision by not speaking to you anymore, and I think everyone else should follow in his footsteps. Love, Feisty Feline.

OKAY Nothing has been real for a long time. Maybe the emotions were, but there was no action to back it up. You hate me and that’s that. No action=all hate. Certainly, if you loved me things would have worked

ASSHOLE It’s not my fault that you have no style-sense, dumpy body and are unattractive to your girlfriend (who, in all probability, regards you as little more than a glorified john). People are supposed to talk at bars. You prevented your girlfriend and her 2 friends from talking to me. They felt so bad for your fragile ego they actually followed your orders. Bet you have bi issues. Just a feeling. There’s lotsa guys like you who are sexually confused and act hostile toward me for no good reason. If they weren’t with you, how many drinks would it’ve taken before you start hitting on [me]? Anyway, all four of you can fuck off. It’s people like you that make bars seem more and more like prisons where lonely people go to get punished. Needless to say, none of you will have the opportunity to treat me like shit again. Go back to New Jersey before you pick on the wrong person, little man.

SEXY ARAB DUDE

They say owners start to resemble their dogs. Well “L”, what more can I say? Even the construction workers were scared of you and that big, ugly, white and brown beast with the huge snout - just like yours! And “N”, I’m not sure if you look more like poodle-dumb or poodle-pee. -TG, I have the prettiest pooch in the neighborhood!

GO FUCK YOURSELF

GUY SCRATCHING HIS HAIR

my life, but I really fucking wish I didn’t. Not only do you only bring negativity but you have to try and ruin my life again by telling me that you’re not over me. LET ME MOVE THE FUCK ON. I feel like those years of my life I had wasted on you. For a second I forgot who you were, but then once I hear you are up to your old antics I knew I made the right decision by dumping your pathetic ass to the curb and finding a great guy who treats me right. You are nothing but a fucking cowardly little boy and I hope the next girl you cheat on your girlfriend with gives you aids. Oh also, the way you treat women makes everyone think you’re a closet homo. Just admit that you like

out differently. All love=action. I once said words are actions, I don’t buy that anymore. We sold each other out on this page and many others. You ignore me now.

REAL FAMILY.. i hate the way u belittle me and make me so aware that i have put on a lil weight, i think i kno wthat already and dont need to be reminded every time i see you that i am the biggest i had ever been. I hate the way u discourage me from doing what i want to do in life, so i decided on something that wont make a lot of money, or maybe it will, support me instead of shutting me down and bringing me down. it hurts to

Ya’ll have the most dumbest convesations ever, why are talking about dinner time, manner, respect etc. When truth be told grown adults should know better. If you are over twenty on or even a legal adult your ass should have common sense and no one should be telling a grown person this. If you don’t know any better you must be stupid, brain deaf, or just plain retarded. Secondly why does everybody have a opinion must yall not getting paid for your input...SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

✚ ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

Hey guy on the bus...you fucking nasty bitch, both of

STUPID CONVERSATIONS

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U N E 2 0 - J U N E 2 6 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

I want you so badly it hurts. I’ve had my eyes on you since the first time I saw you at our gym. Even though you are friendly with my brother, I couldn’t bring myself to approach you since I’m a shy nerd who figured you were out of my league. But somehow we’ve got to talking, and now I can’t seem to get you out of my mind. When you told me you were going to see my brother compete on Saturday, I made sure to be there, even if I only ended up admiring you from afar. I hope you didn’t notice me looking at you too much. I can’t help it. I’m sorry if I come off as a creep. I’m just really shy but I’m dying to get to know you better. Until I do, I guess I’ll just admire you from afar.

DOGS –

You used me up then tossed me to the curb like an empty beer can on a Saturday night. The only circumstance under which I would select you to be my father would be if the choice were between you and a man who would beat me or rape me.I made sacrifices for you that you failed to acknowledge or appreciate. Despite being rejected by you when I was fourteen, I was still man enough to offer you my help some thirty years later. You always put yourself first, which I understand, you love yourself more than anyone. What I have come to understand is that I don’t even come in last. It’s one thing to be a lousy father and a no-good motherfucker, but it’s quite another to poor, pathetic and sad excuse for a human being who fucks people over simply for sport.

have no support, it hurts to know i am standing still and seems like i havent moved forward yet. dont u know that it makes me more depressed and really helps with my self-esteem. why is it that people i dont even know or have known for a small amount of time, or who isnt my family will support me and encourage me to do my best at what ever i choose, while you all just tear me apart, saying its not good enough. shouldnt it be family who builds u up not tear u down, why is it these friends and strangers give me more encouragement then my own mother, father, sister? Why cant anything ever be good enough, why cant u just love me and accept me for who i am right now, and not compare me, or bring me down. Why must you feel a need to let me know that i have put on weight, and make me feel worse about myself. i love you all and do everything to support u and ur choices, but with me, i am picked apart, and tore down and told what to do and what not to do. Why cant i just be free to choose what i want to do for once. Choose the job, schooling and even what color boy friend i can have. Why is there a need to tell me all the time to go find a blonde haired blue eyed guy, when all i want to be with is men of different races haired brown eyed men! what is so wrong with that? especially if they are loving me for me and treating me right. i could have the most perfect guy but it would never be good enough because hes not what you want, he doenst have blue eyes. the world is different now, and i am different you know i never been with a guy my color, so u have to take the hint, i dont want that for myself. im sick of listening to you and what you want, its time for what i want, what i need, or i will never be happy, i would never truley be me.

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This goes out to the impatient asshole on South St. who almost ran me down as I crossed the street on one of the humid days of the year. Yes, I did in fact hit your car, but it was only a knee jerk reaction to the fact you almost fucking ran me over! The five seconds you saved by speeding up and nearly catching me on the heels seems irrelevant when you have to park your car and storm out, looking to “break my fucking jaw”. Luckily for me, we live in the 21st century, where the simple act of me putting my hands up and you yelling at me in the middle of the sidewalk in pure daylight makes you look like the douchebag you are. Thank you for spitting in my face, it gave me something to laugh about as I got to what was immediately important, lunch. I hope you smash your beloved car into something and you burn in the fiery wreckage that is akin to your mental attitude. But alas, our god is not a just god, so I will have to settle for the good laugh and to see you so damn angry. May your rotten sense of humanity serve to lead you down a confused and angry path all your life until you die.

ya’ll got on the back door look all nasty and disgusting. I hate seeing that shit...then you gonna turn around and look around like you didn’t do anything wrong. Your fucking nails were so dirty from scratching your head...do you believe in soap and water...I hope I don’t see you next week. Nasty and Disgusting.

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[ i love you, i hate you ]

billboard [ C I T Y PA P E R ]

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MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE GET A TATTOO!

PHILADELPHIA EDDIES 621 South 4th St. Tattoo Haven (MIDDLE of Tattoo Row) 215-922-7384 open 7 DAYS

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