Philadelphia City Paper, July 10th, 2014 by Philadelphia City Paper

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cpstaff We made this

DIAMOND! 2-4 YEARS OLD

I’m Diamond, a 2-4 year old pit bull mix who’s looking for a home! I’m a friendly girl who loves every person I meet, and I also like to play with other dogs. Meet Diamond by emailing dogs@phillypaws.org, calling 215-298-9680, or visiting www.phillypaws.org/adopt. All PAWS animals are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, and microchipped before adoption.

Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Lillian Swanson Senior Editor Patrick Rapa Arts & Culture Editor Mikala Jamison Digital Media Editor/Movies Editor Paulina Reso Food Editor Caroline Russock Senior Staff Writers Daniel Denvir, Emily Guendelsberger Staff Writer Ryan Briggs Copy Chief Carolyn Wyman Associate Web Producer Carly Szkaradnik Contributors Sam Adams, Dotun Akintoye, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Bryan Bierman, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Mark Cofta, Alison Dell, Adam Erace, David Anthony Fox, Caitlin Goodman, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Alli Katz, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Annette Monnier, John Morrison, Michael Pelusi, Sameer Rao, Elliott Sharp, Marc Snitzer, Tom Tomorrow, John Vettese, Nikki Volpicelli, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Maggie Grabmeier, Jim Saksa, Lauren Clem, Katie Krzaczek, Indie Jimenez Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Allie Rossignol Advertising Art Director Evan M. Lopez Senior Editorial Designer Brenna Adams Editorial Designer Jenni Betz Staff Photographer Neal Santos Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Sales & Marketing Manager Katherine Siravo (ext. 251) Account Managers Colette Alexandre (ext. 250), Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Amanda Gambier (ext. 228), Thomas Geonnotti (ext. 258), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel citypaper.net 30 South 15th Street, Fourteenth Floor, Phila., PA 19102. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-735-8444 ext. 241, Listings Fax 215-875-1800, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 The printing of City Paper was provided by Calkins Media (215-949-4224). Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright © 2014, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public.

contents Cover story, see p. 10

Naked City ...................................................................................7 A&E ...............................................................................................16 Movies.........................................................................................21 Events .........................................................................................23 Food ..............................................................................................28 COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY NEAL SANTOS DESIGN BY ALLIE ROSSIGNOL

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naked

the

city

thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ 0]

Comcast CEO Brian Roberts, who earned $31.4 million in 2013, signs on for another year at the head of the cable giant. “What?! Dammit, I told them to cancel after the introductory offer expired!”

[ -1 ]

Hindu groups lobby Urban Outfitters to stop selling duvet covers featuring a likeness of the god Ganesha. “You mean our Elephant Dude Blankets? Shucks, everything we do seems to offend people,” says a lonely Urban Outfitters spokesperson. He blows on his tea, sips and sighs. “On the bright side, I suppose this will open up space to display our new line of Rhino Horn Personal Lubricants and Hitler Was KKKool onesies.”

[ + 1] New Fishtown restaurant Girard Brasserie

and Bruncherie will offer a European setup for its employees, with better health benefits and higher wages in lieu of tips. Also, everybody there will stink like garbage and you won’t be able to understand a word they say. (Is this a joke about Europe or Fishtown? Bell Curve not sure.)

[ 0]

[ 3]

The former bank building that was used as the set of Real World Philadelphia in 2004 is put up for sale for $4.3 million. Ooh, you can recreate all your favorite moments! Like when Karamo told everyone he’s gay. Or when Sarah told everyone she used to be bulimic. Or when Shavonda flirted with Landon but nothing happened but then it did. Or when Mel got crabs. The Please Touch Museum may have to part with some of its assets and exhibits to pay off debts. “Unfortunately, a lot of our stuff’s in pretty bad shape. Kinda wishing all those grabby, germy little shits had kept their hands to themselves.”

[ + 1] Geno’s Steaks is hiding golden tickets

inside some of its cheesesteak wrappers, with the winners getting a free steak, a tour of the kitchen and Phillies tickets. If you can make it through all three gauntlets without throwing up, the entire company will be yours, Charlie!

This week’s total: -2 | Last week’s total: -8

ADJUSTMENT BUREAU: The Zoning Board of Adjustment meets twice a week to consider exemptions to the city’s zoning code. MARIA POUCHNIKOVA

[ zoning ]

CRACKING THE CODE The city’s zoning board is drowning in thousands of requests for variances. What happened to the reform effort? By Ryan Briggs ack in 2008, Philadelphia’s Zoning Board of Adjustment (ZBA) was just another example of municipal dysfunction. The little-understood, five-person board reviewed construction plans and decided whether to grant “variances,” which allow developers to break the city’s zoning code because of extenuating circumstances. But the zoning code was so outdated that many projects needed variances just to be in line with modern construction practices. Board Chairman David Auspitz, a former deli owner, was considered to be a political appointee with a reputation for capricious rulings. Mayor Michael Nutter vowed to fix the problems when he took office that year, making zoning reform a centerpiece of his administration. But six years, a “reformed” code and numerous board appointments later, the ZBA is still drowning in thousands of costly, time-consuming variance requests each year. The next ZBA meeting has 21 zoning cases scheduled, compared to just 13 at a session of New York City’s Board of Standards and Appeals on the same day.

Meanwhile, the “professionalized” board now features two labor leaders along with chairperson Julia Chapman, whose career experience largely centers on her 11 years of service as Nutter’s chief of staff. Outcry from neighborhood groups shows that inconsistency still plagues board decisions — some charge that the ZBA is too strict when it comes to doling out variances, others say it is far too lenient. So, what happened? The issue is complex, but nearly everyone agrees that, intentionally or not, some board decisions are undermining the spirit of the new zoning code, adopted in 2012. That code was supposed to encourage less auto-oriented forms of development. In the Graduate Hospital neighborhood, community leaders point to the collapse of a proposal to redevelop a parking lot at 2300 South St. as an example of the ZBA hampering those efforts. Developer Jason Nusbaum wanted to build a four-story, mixeduse building with 18 residences, 4,700 square feet of commercial space and no parking. Although these specifications were more than 8 feet taller and four housing units in excess of the property’s zoning restrictions, Nusbaum argued the development would anchor the prominent intersection. The South of South

Some board decisions are undermining the spirit of the new code.

>>> continued on page 8

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[ the naked city ]

✚ Cracking the Code <<< continued from page 7

Neighborhood Association (SOSNA) eventually agreed. In an unusually verbose, nine-page “non-opposition” letter, the association’s board argued the added density would “transform a barren but vital corner much for the better.” The developer just needed the ZBA to agree that the project deserved a zoning variance. But even with the support of SOSNA and Councilman Kenyatta Johnson, the board denied the exemption. “This was a thoughtful and appropriate project that we believe would have transformed an uninspiring corner. … We [were] disappointed by the ZBA’s decision,” said SOSNA chairman Greg Lugones. But beyond disappointment, the decision also sparked accusations of political interference. A small group of neighbors that included Democratic committeeperson Barbara Failer and former Nutter aide (and likely mayoral candidate) Terry Gillen lobbied against the proposal, citing parking and height concerns. Zoning lawyer Joseph Beller said Gillen and others retained him to oppose the project before the ZBA. Two sources familiar with the zoning decision indicated that Gillen, who left the Nutter administration in January, also called the Mayor’s Office regarding the project. Failer did not respond to requests for comment and Gillen referred questions to another neighbor, who opposed the project. But many more neighbors said the board had simply taken its job of upholding the zoning code too far. It was a practice one zoning lawyer from the neighborhood said was so common he has taken to calling the ZBA the “Zoning Board of Enforcement.” Beller countered that the board’s decision had respected the strictures of the new zoning code. “This was not a situation where the owner could not have used his property within the confines of the code. … You have to recognize that the will of the neighborhood is not always directly related to zoning issues,” said Beller. “Sure, he wouldn’t have had as many units, but that’s a question of economics, not zoning.” However, statistics don’t really support either perspective. According to reports from the city, the board, if anything, is exceedingly lenient — and not always in ways that support the spirit of the new zoning code. The ZBA, which usually meets twice weekly, heard 130 zoning appeals last month, rendering a decision in 85 cases. Of those 85, just 10 cases resulted in denials. These figures are consistent with other city data showing that from 2008 to 2013, the board approved 90 percent of 6,946 variance appeals. But sources familiar with ZBA decisions say that leniency is selective. The board tends to take a principled stand when it comes to denying arbitrary requests for taller buildings or extra housing units, but such zeal is strangely lacking when it comes to parking-related issues. Consider another recent project, this time on the other side of Broad Street in South Philly. Lily Properties Development approached the ZBA with a plan to replace several unremarkable carpet-supply buildings on the 700 block of Bainbridge Street with seven row homes. The proposed buildings were equally unremarkable, with one exception — they all featured garages on the first floor. Garage-fronting row homes, which entail pedestrian-disrupting curb cuts and blank facades, were the scourge of many planners and neighbors involved in the code-reform process. The feature was largely banned under the new code, meaning the Bainbridge Street project needed a variance. The Bella Vista Neighborhood Association (BVNA) notified the 8 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

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BOARD STIFFS: The next ZBA meeting has 21 cases on the docket. A similar New York City panel will consider only 13 on the same day. MARIA POUCHNIKOVA

ZBA in two letters that an “overwhelming majority” of its members “opposed the request for off-street, front-loading parking,” noting that it would deprive the neighborhood of public parking spaces. But the board saw things differently. The variance was approved in a 4-1 decision, despite opposition from Councilman Mark Squilla. “They didn’t even ask the applicant what their hardship was,” said Larry Weintraub, BVNA’s zoning chair for 10 years. “They’re still living under the old culture, where, for 40 years, garages were required with new construction. … My theory is that it’s hard to start saying ‘no.’” Weintraub said this wasn’t the first time the ZBA had defied both the neighborhood and the zoning code. “This case was not an outlier at all,” he said. In our neighborhood, every application that has asked for a front-loading garage since the zoning code changed has gotten their garage approved, despite our opposition.” Some zoning lawyers viewed the ZBA’s leniency as a kind of necessary “safety valve” for outdated zoning maps and a code that may still be too dysfunctional or restrictive for most builders. Lawyers who generally praised the new code and the ZBA still pointed to compromises made during the zoning-reform process and tampering by Council members after the fact that unnecessarily increased the complexity of the code. “I looked at zoning legislation introduced today [by Council] that was rezoning this and outlawing that,” said Beller. “You can’t blame the ZBA for stuff like that. They’re there as a safety valve, because people can get caught up in the intricacies of some of this stuff.” But by “letting off steam” the ZBA could also be reducing the impetus to continue improving the zoning code or the completion a long delayed, three-year process of updating the city’s ancient zoning maps.

“You have to recognize that the will of the neighborhood is not always directly related to zoning issues.”

“If the board were to start turning down variances because the city hasn’t remapped yet, it could motivate the city and Council to just do the remapping already,” said zoning attorney Paul Boni. ZBA chair Chapman, who has been praised for running orderly meetings, was mum on the board’s purpose or motivation. Reached on her mobile phone, she described a request for comment about ZBA members’ philosophies and decisionmaking process as “bizarre.” She added that she did not take press calls on her personal phone number, but refused to provide a work number or email. A visit to a recent meeting revealed a board that was largely disinterested in the vast majority of appeals. After the meeting started 30 minutes late, Sheet Metal Workers’ union president Gary Masino was virtually silent throughout the session, opting to eat lunch at one point during a presentation. Laborers’ Union local head Sam Staten and legal consultant Carol Tinari were only slightly more inquisitive. Most of the questions came from Chapman and Greg Pastore, a landlord who worked on the zoning-reform process and had been the sole dissenting vote on the 700 Bainbridge project, along with other projects that blatantly violated the zoning code. In the eaves of the sterile boardroom, a cluster of zoning lawyers chuckled about attempts to get support for a new project in University City from Councilwoman Jannie Blackwell. Lawyer after lawyer presented case after case, 19 that day, with some hearings lasting just a few minutes. Each can bring in anywhere from $1,000 to upwards of $10,000 or more in legal fees, depending on the lawyer, fee structure and complexity of an appeal. Lawyer Beller, who opposed the 2300 South St. project, was also at the board meeting that day. In a phone conversation later, the ebullient 79-year-old opined about the changes to the zoning code he had seen during his career. “When I started doing this over 50 years ago, the zoning code was like a pocket novel, you could carry it with you. It was fairly compact and fairly simple. … It’s much more complex now,” he said. “Some people said, ‘When the new code comes out, you guys are going to be out of work.’… But I wish I was 29, I could make a whole career all over again.” (ryan.briggs@citypaper.net)

thebillypulpit

[ the naked city ]

By Helen Gym

A HARD LESSON ➤ THE CHAOTIC SCRAMBLE in Harrisburg over

whether to allow Philadelphia to tax itself for its own schools reveals a humbling lesson about school funding: Philadelphia is the only school district in the state lacking the power to raise its own revenue. Instead, our schools rely most heavily on the mercurial whims of non-Philadelphia legislators. It took an outpouring of civic action, Mayor Nutter’s presence, a unified Philadelphia delegation and a questionable trade-off on charter authorization just to pass a cigarette tax in the House — only to see legislative action delayed by the Senate this week. As of today, Philadelphia schools are $93 million short of last year’s miserable status quo. And once again, during this budget round, we didn’t gain meaningful added funding from the state. We also didn’t achieve adequate, sustainable funding since the legislature evaded both a fracking tax and the enactment of a formula for school funding. So, now what? While the Harrisburg wrangling continues, the city has to face hard truths about the need for seri-

ous local funding streams. City Council and the mayor must reconvene before September to address the School District’s needs, even if the cigarette tax goes through. In addition, the District needs to let go of controversial workrule-changes and settle shortterm contracts with its labor partners for reasonable cost savings only. Finally, there’s no question that public advocacy influenced the agenda at both the local and state levels. Real change needs to carry through at the voting booth in November in the governor’s race and in May in the city primaries. City leaders cannot make up for Harrisburg’s failures, but they can and must promise that our children won’t be hurt further. ✚ Helen Gym is a co-founder of Parents United for Public Education. Contact her at parentsunitedphila@gmail.com.

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artsmusicmoviesmayhem

re:view By Annette Monnier

WOLFGANG TILLMANS

ONE MAN’S TRASH

➤ “IN DIALOGUE: Wolfgang Tillmans” might

introduce many Philadelphians to the work of the first photographer (and non-English person) to be awarded the annual Turner Prize, a contemporary art award for artists under 50 years old presented by the Tate Britain gallery. Tillmans, who is German, first emerged in the 1990s as a photographer of European club and gay culture, and “In Dialogue” gives us a few peeks at his oeuvre. The museum recently acquired Nachtstilleben (Night Still Life), Tillmans’ photo of a curious mix of what might be trash on a white plaster window sill, above the type of radiator found in a cheap apartment. The various debris (batteries, a scale, potting soil, a used candle, a plastic bag) present a puzzle made more mysterious by its mundaneness. Up close, the photograph is blurry in that way that comes from blowing up an image that wasn’t large enough to go so big. What might have been boring is somehow instead very seductive. “In Dialogue” offers little conversation with Tillmans’ contemporaries, and is a bit heavy on Andy Warhol (three counts), with the suspicious addition of a Marcel Duchamp: Must every artist that pokes at the definition of art be dragged into comparisons with Duchamp? Regardless, the colloquy not only spans the photographic process, but highlights the materiality of the image and its subtle variations between surface and sculpture. (annette.monnier@citypaper.net) ✚ “In Dialogue: Wolfgang Tillmans,” free with museum admission of $20, through Oct. 26, Perelman Building, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2525 Pennsylvania Ave., 215-763-8100, philamuseum.org. 16 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

FMLY VALUES: Members of the local record label Magic Death Sounds are hosting a bike ride around North Philly with pit stops for short concerts. MARK STEHLE

[ music/bikes ]

DEATH RIDES A BIKE The Magic Death Sounds label leads a wild rock ’n’ roll chase around the city. By Paulina Reso n a mild day last September, about 50 cyclists met in Hawthorne Park in South Philly and followed a group of twentysomethings around the city, not completely sure where they were headed. By the time the ragtag peloton arrived at Grays Ferry Skatepark, local band tygerstrype had finished hooking up its sound system and was ready to play a brief set. Before anybody could phone in a noise complaint, the group dispersed, continuing their dash around the city, from a vacant lot under I-95 to a small stage in the middle of a field in North Philly, covering roughly 12 miles that night and seeing five bands perform. This lightning-round concert series/bike ride was organized by small, local record label Magic Death Sounds, which started throwing parties, hosting shows and making tapes in 2010. They’ll be holding their second ride this Friday evening, with four scheduled pit stops around North Philly and a full set by the Detroit band Jamaican Queens at the Barbary. In deference to hot July nights, this ride will be a compact 4.5 miles. On a recent Tuesday, key members of Magic Death Sounds met at an apartment in Fishtown to plan their upcoming events. Seated across from a prodigious record collection was MDS co-

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founder Tony Montagnaro and tygerstrype bandmates Gabe Guerrero and Alden Towler. (They jokingly referred to the other cofounder, who was not present, as “the enigmatic Dan Kaufman.”) Guerrero brought over the idea for this type of event from Los Angeles, where he had participated in two similar rides organized by the music collective FMLY. “FMLY is this huge organization that’s global,” says Guerrero. “You can find people that are part of FMLY in fucking Pakistan and Thailand. It’s actually a very huge organization because they based it off of [the idea that] there is no hierarchy. It’s more about how can we all help each other.” This means that a band traveling across the country to a FMLY-run festival can post a message on the group’s forum seeking housing, and be offered a place to stay by another member. (Impromptu shows often come out of this arrangement.) “You start to develop this camaraderie amongst people that are all in this boat where we don’t really have a lot of money, we’re passionate about music and we want to explore this creative outlet and we were able to do that with everybody as a community,” says Guerrero. “That’s another important aspect of what FMLY does, and we’ve incorporated that with Magic Death Sounds and that’s where the bike ride comes in.” Of the five bands playing this year’s ride, Banned Books and

No one worries about cops breaking up the shows.

>>> continued on page 19

[ there is a time for poems and a time for fists ] hearhere

[ album reviews ]

➤ brian eno & karl hyde | B

➤ craig leon | A-

The sound of Hyde’s guitar on High Life (Warp) is a source of irritation, until it slides into an approximation of Afrobeat groove, which lasts just long enough to almost lose your interest until passages of “DBF,” “Moulded Life” and a few others come in, and the synths and drum machines start going off like Eno walked into the studio one night, turned everything on and opened fire with an assault rifle. Message on an Oblique Strategies card: The problem isn’t new tricks, it’s remembering old ones. —Dotun Akintoye

Anthology of Interplanetary Folk Music Vol. 1 (RVNG Intl.) unearths and

precisely replicates two utterly fascinating albums of early synthesizer music (Nommos and Visiting, from ’80 and ’82) envisioned by this NYC composer as emulating the extra-terrestrial musical transmissions central to the star-gazing cosmology of Mali’s Dogon people. The music — full of ritualistic repetition and otherworldly texture; warm drones and curious rhythmic shifts — is as timeless, ancient and alien as its labyrinthine backstory. —K. Ross Hoffman

➤ robin thicke | C+ Paula (Star Trak) is neither as angry as Blood on the Tracks nor

as strange as Here, My Dear, and not nearly as strong as those too-obvious predecessors. The Latin guitar muzak that opens the album devolves further in later songs into a lounge-band sound, complete with vocally mugging backup singers. The sensitive souls of the Web call Thicke’s tactics creepy. I say, blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl, ain’t that the sweetest thing? —Dotun Akintoye

flickpick

By Patrick Rapa

➤ rod piazza and the mighty flyers | APiazza’s processed mouth-harp stings and screams at the heart of every cut on on Emergency Situation (Blind Pig). Take “Frankenbop,” where Piazza’s harp floats over Miss Honey’s barrelhouse piano, teasing the horns and daring you to shake it a little harder. Then catch your breath with some Chicago style and a little R&B. The title song is a Piazza plaint — “An emergency situation, gotta change my occupation” — threatening to sell the equipment if work doesn’t pick up. If this record doesn’t change that nothing will. —Mary Armstrong

[ movie review ]

VENUS IN FUR [ B+ ] FLAUBERT SAID that the artist should be like God in his work: everywhere

sensed but nowhere seen. But artists are not divine, and the human selves they reveal can be ugly. For 37 years, Roman Polanski has been shadowed, as he should be, by the fact that he sexually assaulted a minor and fled the legal consequences. And for much of that time, critics have attempted to find a line between where the man stops and his work — nearly always interesting — begins. With Venus in Fur, Polanski blurs that line — erases it, even, pushing so hard that the paper starts to shred. Thomas (Mathieu Amalric) has written an adaptation of Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch’s novel and he’s auditioning actresses, alone, in a Paris theater under a driving rainstorm. In struts Vanda (Emmanuelle Seigner), who seems an immediate fit for the part. She’s cunning and domineering, wearing naught but lingerie under her trench coat — a fantasy come to life. But whose fantasy? Not mine, Thomas insists. Not so fast, says Vanda. Vanda’s audition, which takes her so thoroughly into the world of the play that we hear the tinkle of china as Thomas stirs invisible tea with an invisible spoon, starts off as a battle of wits. She wants something; the director has the power to grant her wish. But it soon becomes clear — to us long before Thomas — that their conflict is a play of Vanda’s own creation, and that it is not she who will be finally stripped bare. The director thinks he is invisible in his work, but he hides in plain sight, both fearing and longing to be discovered. Polanski, a Holocaust survivor whose pregnant wife was murdered as part of a bloody spectacle, has both known and caused more trauma than any person should. What’s striking, and discomfiting, about Venus is how fluidly the directors inhabit the role of both perpetrator and victim, and how neither character stays one or the other for long. —Sam Adams

He hides in plain sight.

POWER PLAY: In Roman Polanski’s latest film, Vanda (Emmanuelle Seigneur, the director’s reallife wife) tries to convince a theater director that she is the best actress for the lead role.

ELECTRIC MAYHEM

➤ THERE CAN BE no sin without virtue, no

Nightman without Dayman, and no Man Man without The Extraordinaires. This city, this universe, needs both bands. It’s not that they’re opposites. No, no, no. They’re two sides of the same rare coin. Both make grand musical gestures, sometimes unraveling six-minute head-scratching heroic show tunes that might well have been plucked from some underfunded and overambitious Fringe show. Each band creates roles for accordions, keys and Sousa beats. Each seems driven by a playful mischief that earns scorn, praise and the occasional Muppet comparison from the peanut gallery. Man Man are Philly’s chaotic pop warlocks.They’re endlessly hairy, in sound and body, and always stomping, banging, belting. If you slept on last year’s On Oni Pond, wake up. It’s their best record yet. And then there’s The Extraordinaires, lesser known and generally a less common sight on local stages, but just as worthwhile. They’re clean-cut, relatively, with clean-channel guitars to match and fond of three-part harmonies and classic choruses. Far from chaotic, Jay Purdy, Matt Gibson and company like to package their pretty albums with pretty, handmade storybooks that remind you that sometimes it’s nice to hold music in your hands. Their newest, which gets the release-show treatment on Saturday at Johnny Brenda’s, is called Dress for Nasty Weather. It’s mostly gentle, often upbeat and occasionally magnificent. The closer “Split the Difference” is a killer, an elephant march of klezmer overtones, shouts and horns. It’s epic and ambitious, with all kinds of moving parts interlocking and overstepping. OK, fine. They’re a bit chaotic. (pat@citypaper.net) ✚ Sat., July 12, 9 p.m., $10, with Grandchildren and Teen Men, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-7399684, johnnybrendas.com.

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YOU AND A GUEST ARE INVITED TO AN ADVANCE SCREENING OF

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✚ Death Rides a Bike

[ arts & entertainment ]

<<< continued from page 16

Laser Background are local, but the other three — Jamaican Queens, Zula and Cool Memories — are not. All of the money raised through ticket sales ($5 pre-order, $7 day of) will go to the touring bands to help defray travel expenses. When planning a ride of this complexity, the organizers start by scouting out locations where the bands can play, preferably ones that aren’t heavily populated. After timing the bike ride, the organizers tell the bands where to be and when. These shows are so quick and tightly organized that no one really worries about cops breaking them up. “What’s cool about the concept of this bike ride is that it’s almost like a guerilla style, where you’re not paying a venue or getting permits for anything,” says Guerrero. “It’s just so ephemeral in terms of how the operation is executed.” Banned Books, an experimental rock band with a sense of humor, also played last year’s ride. Singer/ drummer Zane Kanevsky remembers playing in front of an electric plant in the Eraserhood. “It was pretty unique and surreal and definitely one of the cooler venues that we’ve played in, if you want to call it that,” says Kanevsky. “If they asked us to do it every summer I would do it, it’s really fun. It’s a really unique experience to play outside somewhere in a city you’re familiar with, in a place you would have never really expected to play a set.” The label used the momentum from last year’s ride to throw a block party (which they plan to do again this year in August). With the money they made from the party, they were able to release three different cassettes. The handmade tapes are almost as fleeting as the bike ride: Typically, only 100 copies are produced, and once they’ve sold out, they’re gone. “There’s something about physical media that’s always been a part of our conversation,”

says Towler. “It’s about having something that people can actually touch. … As much as we’re in the digital age, I think that makes physical art and physical media that much more meaningful for people.” The members hope these events and tapes strengthen Philly’s budding experimental pop scene. Or, as Towler puts it, they want the label to be “a thread in the cultural cloth.”

“It’s so ephemeral in terms of how it’s executed.” Says Montagnaro, “We’re at the point in our career arc where it’s time to put up or shut up in terms of if we’re going to put more records and tapes out, which is based on the response from the city. We have this opendoor policy. If you want to be involved, just come and hang out with us. There’s no egos. Since no one’s doing this for money, there’s no weird hidden agenda.” (paulina.reso@citypaper.net) ✚ Magic Death Sounds bike ride, Fri., July 11, 5:30 p.m., pre-sale $5, day of $7, location disclosed with purchase of ticket, bit.ly/magicdeathride.

➤ theater

MARK GARVIN

✚ THE 39 STEPS The day after this uproarious production of Patrick Barlow’s adaptation of an Alfred Hitchcock movie closed at Theatre Horizon, star actor Damon Bonetti began directing the Tony Award-winner at Hedgerow. The venerable theater (beautiful to visit in summer) combines its loyal audience’s favorite genres — mystery and farce — in the story of hapless Canadian Richard (Matt Tallman), who befriends a mysterious woman who’s killed in his London flat. Richard flees, heading north with a single clue from the deceased to solve her murder and clear his name. Rebecca Jane Cureton plays three women in the adventure tale, while Joel Guerrero and Andrew Purcell — credited merely as “Clowns” — play more than 100 other roles, male and female, often doubling and tripling in one scene, with a plethora of U.K. accents and lightning-quick costume changes. The 39 Steps, with its many sly allusions to Hitchcock films, its surprising plot twists and its theater-set scenes, is a treat for lovers of Hitchcock films, mysteries and, of course, plays. —Mark Cofta $15-$34 | Through Aug. 17, Hedgerow Theatre, 64 Rose Valley Rd., Rose Valley, Pa., 610-565-4211, hedgerowtheatre.org.

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movie

shorts

FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

Hellion

✚ NEW

✚ CONTINUING

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

CHEF | B+

A haiku: The action really picks up around Noon on the Planet of the Apes. (Not reviewed) (Wide release)

Little details make a big difference in Jon Favreau’s searingly sincere peek into the insecure world of modern chefs, where passion and creativity fight for breath amid a crush of egos as puffy as well-set soufflés. A former hotshot who’s lost direction but refuses to admit it, Carl Casper (writer/director Favreau) walks out on his cantankerous boss (Dustin Hoffman) after a brutal writeup from a wide-reaching web critic (Oliver Platt). After starting a viral Twitter spat with the reviewer, the chef parlays the buzz into a food truck he hopes will coax him back into relevance. There’s never any question whether or not cheffy will get his groove back, but the predictability of the proceedings is tempered by the growth of Casper’s bond with his young son (Emjay Anthony), who’s eager to pick up pop’s trade. Favreau mostly avoids culinary cliché by reminding us that many sets of human hands are responsible for what’s placed on your plate. —Drew Lazor (Ritz Five)

HELLION | BThere’s not much wrong with Kat Candler’s Hellion, the story of a father (Aaron Paul) and son (Josh Wiggins) trying to weather the death of their wife and mother. There’s also not nearly enough right. It’s sensitive, all right, with nuanced turns by Paul, whose struggle with self-meditation is just different enough from Jesse Pinkman to show range without seeming desperate, and especially Wiggins, whose sullen bearing hints at the pain underneath his troublemaking exterior. And Candler, a first-time feature director, shoots with a sharp eye and the understated naturalism that’s become common currency at Sundance, where Hellion launched and was nurtured. It adds up to a serviceable but resolutely unremarkable vision of childhood and loss, one that had the profound misfortune to open catercorner to Richard Linklater’s Boyhood. There are a few distinctive moments, like one where Wiggins binges on whipped cream and pogos on a couch cushion while blasting Metallica, a reminder that he’s still a kid underneath the facade of adult stoicism. But they’re too far apart and they don’t connect to each other, as if Candler lucked into the good stuff rather than building on it. —Sam Adams (The Roxy) VENUS IN FUR | B+ See Sam Adams’ review on p. 17. (Ritz at the Bourse)

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS | B Like raw onions, the TV show Parenthood or your mean aunt’s predilection for pinching your arm fat, The Fault in Our Stars is not just likely to make you cry — those tears are backed by science. Yet what separates the YA cancer romance from other weepfests is not the depth of the melancholic lows, but the personal, palpable highs ballasting the other side of the scale. Smart, cynical Hazel (Shailene Woodley), strapped to an oxygen tank 24/7 ever since C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | J U L Y 1 0 - J U L Y 1 6 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

thyroid cancer spread to her lungs, is encouraged to attend a support group by her upbeat parents. Here she meets Augustus (Ansel Elgort), a former athlete who lost his leg to osteosarcoma, and the pair embarks upon the borderline-obsessive brand of a love affair anyone who’s been a teenager is familiar with. When their characters are finally forced to spar with eventuality, Woodley and Elgort offer some of their strongest, saddest work. If it feels like they’re trying exceptionally hard to bandsaw your most fragile emotions, they are. Don’t feel bad for feeling worse — this is what they trained for. —DL (The Roxy)

JERSEY BOYS | C Clint Eastwood’s attempt to turn a smash jukebox musical into a Coke Zero version of Goodfellas with sing-song interludes comes off just as stilted as you might expect, and not even jolting performances from the magnetic quartet in question can salvage the film. Tracing the Four Seasons’ rise to American pop royalty from their felonious beginnings outside Newark, Jersey Boys, on paper, is an Alger tale that carries a mean tune. Encouraged to take the stage by his street-hustler pal Tommy DeVito (Vincent Piazza), Frankie Valli (Tony winner John Lloyd Young) is the kid with the magic falsetto, which carried DeVito and his other bandmates (Michael Lomenda and Erich Bergen) to multiple number-one hits and decades of chart dominance. But that radio-friendly output was made possible by a slew of shady supporters, from avuncular mob boss Gyp DeCarlo (Christopher Walken) to the

hardcore loan sharks who preyed on DeVito’s poor judgment. The split between the band’s scrubbed-clean image and the back-alley dealings that put them in front of the public is the most compelling aspect of the Seasons’ history, but Eastwood sees no virtue in balance, allowing his signature drab palette to creep so far into the storytelling that it becomes more about shadows than sound. —DL (Wide release)

LIFE ITSELF | B+

in the bodies attached to their iconic thumbs. For Ebert, movies were inextricable from life; no matter what his subject, he was always, on some level, writing about himself. That quality percolates through Life Itself, a sense that whether it’s talking about his friendship with Werner Herzog or his struggle with alcoholism, one is never far from the other. It’s a loving portrait, but not blindly so, and, perhaps most importantly, a movie Ebert himself would surely have embraced. —SA (Ritz Five)

Although Roger Ebert was still undergoing treatment for cancer when Steve James began filming his documentary on the great film critic, Life Itself was transformed into a memorial by Ebert’s death in April 2013. But James’ film is less like a eulogy than a wake, a commemoration of his living spirit rather than a meditation on his loss. Ebert went into the hospital shortly after James began to film, but rather than cutting off contact, Ebert encouraged him to keep the cameras rolling. Perhaps he suspected it would be James’ only chance to capture him, or maybe he knew it would be riveting on screen. Ebert’s absence from much of the filming removes the push-pull quality between filmmaker and subject that enlivens James’ best work, especially 2002’s Stevie. The movie’s most engaging sections challenge the myths that have grown ever-larger since Ebert’s passing, including one exploring his contentious relationship with his late TV partner Gene Siskel. Rather than diminishing either, the testimony from their respective widows enlarges them both, filling

OBVIOUS CHILD | B As statements of purpose go, it’s hard to beat the one that opens Gillian Robespierre’s first feature, where comedian Jenny Slate regales an audience with a standup routine about vaginal secretions. But where a movie like 22 Jump Street marshals gross-out humor for its own sake, Robespierre’s simply marking out her territory: This is a movie about what goes on down there; those with fragile sensibility need not apply. Slate’s Donna is a go-nowhere protagonist whose already-tenuous existence is wobbling as she approaches 30. But the movie is uncharacteristically frank about Donna’s situation, especially when she accidentally gets pregnant during a one-night stand and quickly decides to have an abortion — too quickly, in fact: She has to wait two weeks until the fetus is far enough along to abort. It’s less an achievement of the film’s than a sad commentary on the culture surrounding it that this is even remotely notable, and to her credit, Robespierre doesn’t treat Donna’s decision as a wrenching dilemma: She’s single,

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semi-employed and practically bankrupt; what else would (or should) she do? But if Donna’s choice is an easy one, it doesn’t make much sense to use it to frame the film as a whole, which therefore lacks much in the way of dramatic tension or anything beyond low-grade moping around. Robespierre wants to steer clear of off-theshelf self-actualization, but she doesn’t replace it with anything. Fortunately, Slate proves a winning companion; it’s a hang-out movie, and she’s fun to hang out with. —SA (Ritz Five)

✚ THE AWESOME FEST CLARK PARK 4398 Chester Ave., friendsofclarkpark. org. The Wizard of Oz (1939, U.S., 102 min.): To celebrate the 75th anniversary of this classic film it’s being synced with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. Thu., July 10, 9 p.m., free.

LIBERTY LANDS

[ movie shorts ]

(1965, Japan, 161 min.): Because of a new color transfer, this film based on four traditional Japanese ghost stories is more vivid than ever. Sat., July 12, 7 p.m., $9.

PHILAMOCA 531 N. 12th St., 267-519-9651, philamoca.org. A Night of Horror Cinema: Two scary movies by Philadelphia native and certified hypnotherapist Frank Juchniewicz. Wed., July 16, 7:30 p.m., $10.

THE ROTUNDA 4014 Walnut St., 215-573-3234, ARMcinema25.com. Soul for Sale (1923, U.S., 90 min.), Murder Obsession (1982, U.S., 95 min.): A silent film about a young runaway bride trying to make it in Hollywood, and a thriller about a film crew sparring with a serial killer. Thu., July 10, 8 p.m., free.

926 N. American St., nlna.org/liberty-lands-2. Johnny Winter: Down & Dirty (2014, U.S., 80 min.): A doc about the legendary blues musician. Sat., July 12, 9 p.m., free.

✚ SPECIAL SCREENINGS INTERNATIONAL HOUSE 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org. Mikey & Nicky (1976, U.S., 119 min.): John Cassavetes and Peter Falk star in Elaine May’s Philly-shot gangster drama. Fri., July 11, 8 p.m., $9. Kwaidan

citypaper.net/events

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events LISTINGS@CITYPAPER.NET | JULY 10 - JULY 16

[ we’re human beings, my son, almost birds ]

WHO?: Owls play Union Transfer on Monday. (See p. 26.) JOHN STURDY

Events is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/events. IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED: Submit information by email (listings@ citypaper.net) or enter it yourself at citypaper.net/submit-event with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

7.10 thursday [ dance ]

BALLETX $22-$40 | Through Sun., July 13, Wilma Theater, 256 S. Broad St., 215-546-7824, balletx.org. BalletX winds up its season with Sunset, o639 Hours, an ambitious work inspired by the true-life story of the aviator behind the first airmail delivery from the South

Pacific to Hawaii, among many other perilous journeys. No spoilers, but we can say that along with the high-end dance we’ve come to expect from the company, this production offers an inventive new music score by Rosie Langabeer, an experimental composer whose talents have been tapped by Pig Iron Theatre Company, Bowerbird and Elliot Levine, among others. Sunset offers sensorial visual and aural treats, including stunning landscape photography and recordings of natural environmental sounds, as well as surprises from the dancers. —Deni Kasrel

[ rock/pop ]

honestly unembarrassed pop group in Philadelphia. With synth in every direction, each song peppier and cheesier than the last, these guys are serious about having a good time. Work Drugs’ genre has evolved over time to the bubbly, produced pop we now know and love, and looking at their steady stream of releases since the band’s start in 2011, you know they worked hard to get here. Obviously trapped on the East Coast (and also possibly the ’80s), their bouncy tunes evoke beaches and sunshine — and almost every album cover and show poster features filtered photos of sunsets and palm trees. —Maggie Grabmeier

WORK DRUGS $10-$12 | Thu., July 10, 9 p.m., with Crush Distance and Half Waif, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684, johnnybrendas.com. Work Drugs may be the most

[ theater ]

XANADU $25 | Through July 26, Mazeppa Productions at Christ Church Neighborhood House, 20 N.

American St., 267-559-9602, mazeppa.org. Mazeppa Productions — named for one of the strippers who sing “You Gotta Have a Gimmick” in the musical Gypsy — launches its fourth season of summer musicals with the 2007 Broadway hit Xanadu, a magical comedy adventure based on the Olivia Newton-John film about following one’s dreams. Kira (Erica Nicole Rothman), a magical Greek muse, is sent down from the heavens on a quest to inspire a young artist to achieve his greatest desire: building a roller disco. Director Rob Henry embraces the show’s 1980s pop songs and fashions with a theater-inthe-round roller disco set by Brian Seaman, authentic disco choreography by Robert Harris and Ryan Touhey’s funkadelic musical direction. Audience members who aren’t

afraid to relive those times are invited to “boogie down” with the cast and musicians. —Mark Cofta

[ rock/pop ]

MADE IN HEIGHTS $10-$12 | Thu., July 10, 8:30 p.m., Boot & Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St., 267-639-4528, bootandsaddlephilly.com. Look, this might be one of those blippy, trippy electronic acts that sounds so sweet on Soundcloud but ends up feeling too sparse and trick-dependent on stage. Are we gonna get to the Boot and it’s just a lady singing and a dude pushing play? Maybe, but: Those Soundcloud songs — shake with the oddball r&b of “Murikami” then dance with “Death” — are promising. The crisp beats and wayward samples keep you on your toes, and the pop appeal is persistent. Maybe this L.A. duo has the

goods. We won’t know till we go. —Patrick Rapa

[ movies/science ]

MEGA-BAD MOVIE NIGHT $15-$25 | Thu., July 10, 5:30 p.m., Academy of Natural Sciences, 1900 Benjamin Franklin Parkway, 215299-1000, ansp.org. Swiping a page from MST3K, the Academy of Natural Sciences’ Mega-Bad Movie Nights offer witty commentary by science experts over terrible sci-fi flicks. This time they’re screening the 2001 abomination Evolution starring David Duchovny and Julianne Moore, where bad science meets over-the-top effects and awkward sexual tension. A ticket also lets you wander the Academy’s regular exhibits (including the new “Birds of Paradise: Avian Evolution” one) — not to mention an open bar with free snacks and other event-specific attractions like

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[ events ]

science experiments and live animals. Museums are a lot cooler without all the kids. —Maggie Grabmeier

7.11

gry/possibly voodoo-practicing Shilpa Ray co-headlining the bill, tonight should be an affair full of artists “influenced by Tom

friday [ exhibitions ]

WE PAINT HOUSES: PART 2 FREE | Opening reception Fri., July 11, 6-10 p.m., exhibit through July 26, Practice Gallery, 319 N. 11th St., second floor, practicegallery.org.

Waits.” Northern Arms’ last JB’s appearance sold out handily, so act fast. —Maggie Grabmeier

[ rock ]

VIET CONG $10-$12 | Fri., July 11, 8:30 p.m., with TV Ghost, Boot & Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St., 267-639-4528, bootandsaddlephilly.com. Two of Viet Cong’s four members were in the belated, beloved Calgary band Women, and they carry forward many recognizable strands of that group’s dour, textural post-punk. But the six songs — demos, theoretically — comprising their 2013 debut release Cassette (first presented in the titular format and reissued this week, semi-confusingly, on vinyl, by Mexican Summer) contain more divergent musical JARED SYCH

In June, Chinatown’s Practice Gallery transformed itself into the main office for a “temporary business” spearheaded by Colombian-born contemporary painter Felipe Castelblanco. He and his team of fellow Latin immigrants offered a deal to Philadelphians almost too good to be true: They’d paint your house, and you name the price. What they didn’t make clear was that they actually meant oil paint … on canvas. In the month of July, the Practice space resumes its regular business of being a gallery with the exhibition “We Paint Houses,” documenting the surprising interactions between Castelblanco, the immigrant laborers and the clients in photos and video interviews. A few of the actual paintings of the houses will be displayed. Castelblanco will be answering questions about the experience at the opening reception, and talking about what’s still to be learned about the crossover between work and art in America.—Maggie Grabmeier

[ rock/pop ]

NORTHERN ARMS $10 | Fri., July 11, 9:15 p.m., with Shilpa Ray and The Improbables, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684, johnnybrendas.com. Well, it’s here: the much-anticipated self-titled debut album from Philly’s 10-piece “dark gospel” outfit Northern Arms. These gravelly rock and rollers sound like the devil’s backup band, like maybe the Southernsounding gentlemen and lady wandered out of a ghost town with eerie tunes stuck in their heads. With the also vaguely an24 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

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directions, and possibly more color and melody, than Women’s entire output: from the crisp, Jam-flavored power-pop of “Throw It Away,” to dissonant, shape-shifting kraut-punk closer “Select Your Drone,” with a couple scraggly, Lilys-ish paisley psych ditties and a fullthrottle Bauhaus cover along the way. Per their great performances at this year’s SXSW, the band is also tremendous fun to watch, with an engrossing and

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sunday [ jazz/rock ]

GREX $6-$10 | Sun., July 13, 8 p.m., with Lion’s Head with Kyle Press and Hallowed Bells, First Banana, 2152 E. Dauphin St., museumfire. com/events2. Guitarist Karl A.D. Evangelista has described his background as rooted in jazz while his wife, keyboardist Margaret Rei Scampavia Evangelista, comes more out of the rock world, but Grex is hardly just another fu-

monday [ books/music ]

DUST & GROOVES BOOK RELEASE PARTY

K A T E R I N A E VA N G E L I S T A

7.13

7.14 $5 | Mon., July 14, 8 p.m., Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684, johnnybrendas.com.

side excursions into free jazz and Harry Nilsson-esque pop tunesmithery. Rarely do catchy and adventurous live together as harmoniously as they do in this idiosyncratic marriage. —Shaun Brady

Nobody asked me about my massive vinyl collection. That’s fine. In Eilon Paz’s 400-pluspage coffee-table book, Dust & Grooves: Adventures in Record Collecting (featuring an impressive foreword by RZA), the author/curator talks to U.K. DJ/label owner Giles Peterson as well as world music aficionado Frank Gossner and legendary “King of 78s”

Joe Bussard. The nicest thing that locals can look forward to in Paz’s photo-rich volume is seeing fellow Philadelphians such as Skeme Richards, Rich Medina, King Britt and Aaron Luis Levinson standing in front of shelves and piles of records, like always. I’m assuming the book release party features these Philly DJs doing more than just posing with their platters. —A.D. Amorosi

[ rock/pop ]

OWLS/HOP ALONG $15 | Mon., July 14, 8 p.m., with Glocca Morra, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., 215-232-2100, utphilly.com. There are moments on the new Two (Polyvinyl) where you can pan out flecks of this

Chicago band’s experimental origins. Their history’s all gunked up with Cap’n Jazz, Joan of Arc and other acts known for warped guitars and dark flights of lyrical fancy. But mostly this latest record is only humorously weird (“Oh no/ Don’t smash this bag of pretzels/ Oh no”) and gently clangy in a crisp, clean sort of way. As always, Tim Kinsella’s vocals rarely upgrade from enthused to mildly alarmed. Basically, this is some interesting but kinda gentle rock ’n’ roll, and these guys better watch out: Local support Hop Along plays first, and they are never wanting for vigor or volume. —Patrick Rapa

$20 | Tue., July 15, 8 p.m., Tin Angel, 20 S. Second St., 215-9280978, tinangel.com. Ben Watt may have just released the genuinely beautiful, bossa-inspired Hendra, his first solo record in 31 years, but that doesn’t mean he’s been coasting. In Everything But the Girl with wife Tracey Thorn, Watt enchanted listen-

citypaper.net/events

tuesday [ rock/pop ]

BEN WATT

Monday to Friday: Happy Hour Special 1/2 Off Small Plates

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ers with soft, cosmopolitan jazz-pop and lyrics ruminating on home and romance. As a DJ, he’s crafted electro dancecompilations that’d make any house-head green with envy. Watt even managed to turn a near-death experience with

autoimmune-system disease (and his recovery) into an industry with the dryly humorous tome Patient: The True Story of a Rare Illness, and another highly personal tale, Romany and Tom (Bloomsbury), about his dad, a working-class left-wing bandleader. Watt’s no slouch. —A.D. Amorosi

7.15

Celebr ating Americ an Craft Beer and Classi c Arcade Games

[ events ]

EDWARD BISHOP

sion of the two. The trio, which also includes drummer Robert Lopez, has precedents in the mutant prog-pop of Henry Cow and the genre nomadism of Henry Kaiser, with

surprisingly playful onstage dynamic. —K. Ross Hoffman

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f&d

foodanddrink

amusebouche By Adam Erace

NEXT MEX CAFE YNÉZ | 2025 Washington Ave., 215-278-7579, cafeynez.com. Mon.-Fri., 8 a.m.-8 p.m.; Sat.-Sun., 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Appetizers, $4-$8; entrees, $7-$15. ➤ SOMETIMES, IT SEEMS as though you can’t

have a neighborhood — a real, vibrant neighborhood — without having a Mexican place. It’s the corner bar of 2014, embodying that same convivial spirit, casual atmosphere with a dose of Latin panache. Fishtown has Loco Pez. Passyunk has Cantina. Fairmount has Calaca Feliz. And now, Graduate Hospital and Point Breeze have Café Ynez. Along with Kermit’s, Ynez is a one-two beautification punch amid Washington Avenue’s drab granite yards and construction hangers. It’s housed inside design lab NextFab Studios, whose president, Evan Malone, also owns Jet Wine Bar on South Street with archaeologist wife, Jill Weber. “Evan wanted to have affordable, healthy and appealing food and coffee in the space,” says Weber. “He thought it would be good for the community, too.” He was exactly right. Café Ynez’s hours hew a bit closer to a business schedule — they close at 8 during the week, at 3 on the weekends — and the menu could stand a bit more variety, but the neighbors have latched onto this charming diner. They’re lining up at the glowing, slatted coffee bar for canela-and-orange-spiced café de olla, viscous Mexican hot chocolate and squishy, tiresized doughnuts from Las Rosas bakery. They’re colonizing the faux-crocskin banquettes and dragging Jetsons-print Formica tables together to drink watermelon-mint margaritas — you supply the tequila — in cactus-stem cups. They’re grabbing takeout rotisserie chickens (dry one night, moist another; flavorful, citrusy skin both) and making Ynez their date-night taco spot. JC Piña, who’s been with Malone and Weber at Jet from day one, is in the kitchen, doing the food he grew up with in Mexico City: lime-y corn elotes, juicy carnitas, whipped guacamole dusted in extra-sharp cotija. Chunky and frosty, the gazpacho with shrimp is an antidote to summer’s stick. Smoky chicken tinga sings in a burrito or on tacos. My only complaint: I want more. More food, more hours. Fortunately, both are in the works later this summer. (adam.erace@citypaper.net) 28 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

DRUMS OF HEAVEN: Seasonality is second nature for chef Rakesh Ramola. NEAL SANTOS

[ back of house ]

SPICE TRAIL Chef Rakesh Ramola’s international path to 13th Street. By Caroline Russock INDE BLUE| 205 S. 13th St., 215-545-4633, indebluerestaurant.com.

n India, there are no buffets,” explains Rakesh Ramola, chefowner of the Inde Blue restaurants on 13th Street in Philly and in Collingswood, N.J. And quick glances at the sleek dining rooms and modern Indian menus that both restaurants boast make it immediately apparent that there’s no $8.95 all-you-caneat steam-stable action at either location. When asked about the popularity of Indian buffets in the States, Ramola has a few theories: “You can be in and out in an hour or even half an hour. Or, maybe it’s a way for people who have never had Indian food before [but] want to try something different. There are a lot of answers for that question, but it’s limiting. “In India, every hundred miles everything changes — the food, the clothing, the language,” he adds. “It’s interesting to see.” And speaking from a culinary standpoint, it’s downright fascinating. Born in Mumbai, Ramola graduated near the top of his class in the culinary program at the University of Mumbai. He was ranked number two of 80, but don’t ask him about the number one guy. He

“

J U L Y 1 0 - J U L Y 1 6 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

says passion and his work ethic have played a huge part in the success of a career that has landed him in locales as exotic as Cypress, Kuwait and London before he came to the Philly area. Ramola’s view of cooking in the States might not line up with cooks born and bred here. “In the U.S.,” he says, “it’s very easy to become a chef. There isn’t a lot of competition. You work for twothree years in any restaurant and you can open your own. But in India, it’s difficult. If you’re a line cook you can be a line cook for the rest of your life. There’s lots of competition. You have to be different.” But competition is hardly the only difference. India’s diverse range of religions and, in turn, dietary differences make for an entirely different approach to restaurant cooking. “We have Muslims, we have Christians, we have Jews, we have Hinduism. There’s Jainism — where you can’t eat anything from the ground — and you have to please them,” he says. Experience like that means that accommodating vegan and gluten-free diners is barely an issue, especially when you come from a background of catering Jain weddings — where kitchen staples like onions, garlic and potatoes are not allowed. Ramola met his wife, Heather, 14 years ago while he was visiting a cousin in Virginia. Ramola was working in London for a catering operation that supplied Indian meals for the grand food halls at Selfridges and Harrods. It was a huge business that provided meals for airlines,

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[ i love you, i hate you ] To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ➤ email lovehate@citypaper.net A NEW ME (WOW) The next time you see me you will say wow she is every thing i want in a woman but its too late for you all i did was love you and want you i love you so much its now unconditionally you cant even hurt me the last time we had sex it was good no it was GOOOD!!!!!! but the last time .I have to move on and this is the only way i could be happy .I have to let you go sexualy and just be your baby mom / friend then i could have you forever A NEW ME WOW!!!!!!!!!

Ugh, I had such high hopes for you, with your fine, literate ass. But I guess I shouldn’t have put the cart before the horse. Too bad you’re not interested...we’d be so good together.

ENOUGH ALREADY You really need to stop! What part of don’t contact me anymore don’t you understand? I never felt anything for you, you kept showing up and it was too easy to get you in bed, that all it ever was, a fuck. So please, leave me alone, stay away from me.

I will never forget that day that I was glad that I was bold.

I AM TIRED OF YOU! I am so glad that you weren’t calling me that I could just jump for joy because I did and still do have alot going on and you’re just kind of in my way. Am I making you feel like shit right now...I am not doing it on purpose but it needs to be said and I am that person to say it! Who the fuck else is going to deal with your nonsense? I am definitely tired

ANGRY MOTORIST This goes out to the impatient asshole on South St. who almost ran me down as I crossed the street on one of the humid days of the year. Yes, I did in fact hit your car, but it was only a knee jerk reaction to the fact you almost fucking ran me over! The five seconds you saved by speeding up and nearly catching me on the heels seems irrelevant when you have to park your car and storm out, looking to “break my fucking jaw”. Luckily for me, we live in the 21st century, where the simple act of me putting my hands up and you yelling at me in the middle of the sidewalk in pure daylight makes you look like the douchebag you are. Thank you for spitting in my face, it gave me something to laugh about as I got to what was immediately important, lunch. I hope you smash your beloved car into something and you burn in the fiery wreckage that is akin to your mental attitude. But alas, our god is not a just god, so I will have to settle for the good laugh and to see you so damn angry. May your rotten sense of humanity serve to lead you down a confused and angry path all your life until you die.

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COULD HAVE BEEN I am going to keep it all the way real with you: I have thought about you daily since I met you and I am completely salty about how LAME things worked out. As much as we enjoyed each other’s company, the least you could do is return my fucking text messages. I know that you aren’t doing shit with your time except hating your job, changing your Facebook picture and going to the gym, so why don’t you pick up the goddamn phone, BITCH?! Dude, you and I know you wouldn’t even have to play that hard. You are so fine I want to buy you a short set off the strength of your look. I would make you jerk salmon and mashed sweet potatoes. Don’t you want a homecooked meal?! 32 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

Please don’t make me have to embarrass you, just stop with all these posts, and move on.

of it and it has to stop! I hate the fact that I don’t know what is going to come out of your mouth next.

I AM GLAD I WAS BOLD

LOOSE TOP FEEDER

I was so glad I was bold that time that you were on the bus because I couldn’t believe how instantly you and I went through what we went through and now we are together and we are having a baby together. I can’t stop thinking about how your eyes were so brown and so hypnotizing and looking at me like you were looking in a mirror. You pointed out that my eyes were as light as yours were but nothing could compare to the stare that you have...

One day after we ended it you were fucking someone else. You told me he didn’t like the same things I liked and it didn’t feel the same as our two-year relationship You ended things with him just to move onto someone else who would take it up the ass, because with me and the other guy you were the bottom bitch. Now you’re with guy number three and I hear you’re unhappy. It serves you right for getting into relationships just because of

J U L Y 1 0 - J U L Y 1 6 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

sexual desires. I’m the best you ever had, but you can’t come back now. I’m happy with someone new. How’s that for an intense mind fuck.

MY COUSIN I am not going to mention any names because I don’t want everyone in the world with that same name to get offended when they read what I have to say about you! You make me sick, I wish that I didn’t see your fat ass on the damn train because you kept talking about other members of our family, but who the hell cares that he or she is gay.. it doesn’t have nothing to do with me or you so why the hell are you commenting on it. Your fat ass needs to stay away from me! I hope you aren’t going to make it a habit and keep calling every fucking night, cause that aint going to happen.

NO SHORT SHORT MAN I recently started dating this guy who is very polite, thoughtful, kind, and caring. Pretty much the ideal partner. HOWEVER, he lacks one MAJOR thing that my body needs. Which is a man with a dick that can hit my spot. I’m not a SIZE QUEEN but DAMN its soo small. Usually after we have sex he ask “Did you cum? Why Not?” I usually tell him “Oh honey I’m just not use to you yet.” DAMN STRAIGHT I’m not used to dealing with something so small. He’s lacking about 4-5” of what I’m used to. Not sure how much longer I can take of it. So Ill be needing a replacement soon. Any takers wana fill in? Ill need a good fill in.

ONLY FAMILY I am still amazed on how you are going to ask me for something and you owe me! To me that really doesn’t make any sense do you think that it does? I am still trying to understand what made you think that you can borrow from me and then ask for more money! Duh, you fucking borrowed from me, don’t you know that you owe me! I hope that you read this because that was the last dime that you will and are going to get from me, you are not getting anything else from me! If you are reading this I will be calling for my fucking money also... case in-point money doesn’t grow on trees so you need to pay me the fuck back!

THE ONLY MAN FOR ME! BILLY, Now I may be a lesbian but you sir, are the love of my life. You are my soul-mate. Meeting each other at first, we didn’t say much to one another but after a handful of months we became such close friends. No matter what anyone says, I will never stop loving you. I will go to the ends of the earth for you, to hell and back just to get you to smile. When it comes time for me to have kids, you will be the man I happily run to. It’s you and me babe, 'til the end of time. ✚ ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

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7&3: (00% â&#x20AC;&#x153;..#&&3 -*45 )"4 (308/ 50 &1*$ 1301035*0/4 ,*5$)&/ )"4 "%%&% "/ &953" #&-- 8*5) 1&3)"14 5)& $*5:Âľ4 #&45 '3*5&4 40.& 45&--"3 #&&3 #"55&3&% '*4) "/% 7&3: (00% .644&-4Âł Craig LeBan, Philadelphia Inquirer,

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