PinkPumps GLOBAL by Gabi Schendl-Gallhofer

PinkPumps GLOBAL www.pinkpumpsopen.com

09|12

6 | Sabine Schmelzer

Women power or women with power 18 | Martin Laschkolnig

Overcoming SelfDoubt– Working Together To Achieve More 20 | Susanne Mueller

“Walks of Life” - Our Journey Begins Here” 24 | Birgit Medele

Clear of Clutter

STRONG WOMEN

„Mental Muscles Massacre“ Let’s face it. Struggles between the sexes take place when the weak participants of each party meet. I have never met a self-aware man who longs to beat up people in a pub. Physically strong men, with degenerated mental muscles, are loud and rough. On the other side, I have never met a woman who was content with her femininity and at the same time cattily roamed through her office. ”Only people sitting in the dark will continuously refer to the light,” I said a long time ago, facing a person, who overused the term “purity of soul” to describe herself. I also often see how people around me complain about their supposed strengths as often as possible, although this makes their weaknesses even more obvious. I understand that you don’t dance with your Achilles’ heel in front of a furious Trojan mob, but to continuously inflate your own mediocrity until it grows to heroism, that is really unsexy. I like women, who tell me about their weaknesses. Let us not forget - a confession like that shows true strength!

Bert Gronewold Bert Gronewold worked as a policeman, before he went on for a second life as a cartoonist and illustrator. 2007 the born East Frisian started to blog and discovered the fun of vivisecting human weaknesses and failures sarcastically. 2010 this became “www.grafikschlampe.blog.de”, which is decorated with cartoons till today. * Graphikschlampe is a neologism which means “floozie of illustration”. In Germany we call people “floozie” - leaving gender aside - who suppress their idealism to earn their living. It is a sarcastic view on Gronewold’s neccessity to earn money with his artificial talent. www.grafikschlampe.blog.de

Editorial

Imprint Publisher: Gabi Schendl-Gallhofer Sihlquai 14, CH-8134 Adliswil info@pinkpumpsopen.eu; 0041 (0)78 741 43 72 Editorial: Gabi Schendl-Gallhofer Layout, Typesetting: www.werdewelt.info Image Source: License for use by Shutterstock.com Proofreading: Korrekturvertrieb, www.korrekturvertrieb.de Published as a digital magazine ten times a year and sold online. PinkPumps OPEN is politically neutral and does not belong to any religious groups or sects. The magazine distances itself from the teachings of Hubbard (Scientology). Should any of the authors be a member of a sect, the readers are called upon to immediately report this to the editors. The authors themselves are responsible for the contents of their articles. The contents reflect the attitudes and the knowledge of the authors and are their responsibility. They are also responsible for respecting the rights of contents and photos and will be liable for any violations. This magazine sees itself as a mediator of knowledge. If attachments are illegally sent or articles changed through the link to the magazine, then this lies outside of the responsibility of the publisher and editor. The name PinkPumps OPEN is copyrighted. The complete concept of “PinkPumps“ is copyrighted:

“Another magazine for women?” you might be wondering. Well, in a sense you’re right. The impressive number of different magazines competing to get your attention at the newsstand cannot be overseen. So why should you reach for PinkPumps GLOBAL, of all things? Because you love pink pumps? Sure, that could be one of the reasons. But we hope you will also like our content. We hope you want to purchase a magazine that helps you find yourself, and that supports you in taking the design of your lifestyle into your own hands. This is the way PinkPumps GLOBAL responds to the spirit of the time. Our magazine provides valuable content on current issues in a crisp manner and with great variety. The aim of our magazine is to support you in taking the next step, which is so important for all of us: Men and women working together, appreciating one another and living in synergy with their gender-specific and personal strengths. For only this will enable life in our world to be worthwhile for generations to come. The main topic of this issue is: “Strong Women”. The conclusion of the articles is that women should and can find their own, individual definition of strength, and that acknowledging weaknesses is part of being strong. You might be surprised at the philosophy you will recognise as your own, and which will help you create your own, individual definition of a “strong woman”. These articles will be a wonderful aid in this process. We are happy if we can convince you, that while there are many magazines for women, there is only one PinkPumps GLOBAL. We wish you many inspiring, insightful and entertaining moments with our magazine. Your

Gabi Schendl-Gallhofer

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Inhalt

STRONG WOMEN

Cartoon und Text Mental Muscle Massacre 02 Bert Gronewold

Editorial 03 Women power or women with power 06 Sabine Schmelzer

The Strong Woman: A Short Guide 10 for Men, Life Partners and Husbands Angela Weinberger

6 There is no doubt that there’s something called women power. But what does our relationship to women with power look like?

Quiet Power with a Great Impact: Eva’s Story 22 Sylvia Löhken

A Powerful Woman Knows 25 What She Wants – and How to Get It Daniela Kunath

Rubrik

You have to be a strong independent woman! 33 Barbara Valenti

Thoughts on happiness _ The magic of Words 08 Sabine Osmanovic

Turning Into a Queen in 7 Steps 14 – a Guideline to Personal Success

20 Welcome to our many walks together. I am very happy to take you along on an exciting and stimulating journey, on which you can imagine and explore a multitude of things. Things can be discovered in many ways, so let me take you by your hand and let’s go together. Are you ready?

Susanne Blake

“Walks of Life” - Our Journey Begins Here” 20 Susanne Mueller

Clear of Clutter 24 Birgit Medele

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Inhalt

Current Topics

Once again in a colourful place! 12

about Petra Webersik

Oops. I did it again! 15 Wolfgang Bönisch

Why are The Others so different and not like US? 16 Margaret Jankowsky

18 We all have these moments, in which we start doubting ourselves and questioning our value. Confidence becomes a mere word found in the dictionary.

Overcoming Self-Doubt 18 – Working Together To Achieve More Martin Laschkolnig

Sikantis, the Society of Esteem: Its Etruscan Origin 26 Cecilia Illes

Somewhere Between Deadly and Cute 28 Harald Berenfänger

What Does Amazon Know … That Jane’s Husband Doesn’t? 30 Elisabeth Heinemann

“Me” 34 Kate Hughes

Sikantis is the idea of a society based on mutual esteem. This society doesn’t recognize a hierarchy of values.

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

Women power or women with power There is no doubt that there’s something called women power. But what does our relationship to women with power look like? It is still unusual to see women in powerful positions, because there are only a few women in top positions. We should rethink our attitude towards power, and should start to empower other women. Can “power” be negative? In English, the word power does not have a negative connotation as in German. In German it is often used in combination with the abuse of power. Because of the negative connotation of the German word “Macht”, German women feel uncomfortable with power and do not want to have “Macht”. For me power is always connected with the decision to implement change. In English, the word power has different meanings and a positive connotation. To have power can also mean to have energy and strength.

Is power a male thing? Most of the high-level decision-makers, like CEOs and Prime Ministers, are men. This gives us the impression that power is masculine. But this is not true, power is generally neutral. If we had more women in these kinds of positions, power would lose its male touch. This change has already begun with women such as Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, or Julia Gillard, Prime Minister of Australia. They both have a difficult position because everyone, especially the media, watches each of their steps, and if something fails, it is blamed on the fact that they are women. No one would care if the circumstance would have happened to a man. Men also make mistakes or behave badly

sometimes. There are a lot of examples of men doing something wrong, but they are not critised as often as women. If there were more women in high positions, it would become normal, and no one would care about the blazers or dresses these women wear. This was the most popular topic at the beginning of Angela Merkel’s position as Chancellor. Fortunately, this is no longer a topic.

Empowering other women And to be honest, we as women are sometimes the most critical persons concerning women who have achieved a higher position. It is much easier to criticise them, than to appreciate or support them. We also have to learn that we need more solidarity among women; we need to support women who have made it to the top or who are willing to engage in a career. I am lucky that I go was encouraged by my closest friends several times: “Yes, you are the right person for this position, just do it!” This empowered me and my last doubts disappeared with these words. We should all support our colleagues and friends more often. Sometimes, if you still have your doubts, only this small missing piece is needed in order to take the next step forward in your career. And it only takes three words: “Just do it!”

Sabine Schmelzer My passion is to empower women. This is due my commitment to BPW Business and Professional Women since more than 10 years. Diversity means business - this is obvious through lots of research and studies. In my leadership trainings for women and as a key note speaker, I encourage women to be proud of their different skills and strengths. www.diversitymeansbusiness.com | diversitymeansbusiness.com

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STRONG WOMEN

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

Thoughts on Happiness – The Magic of Words “A kind word costs nothing, and yet it is the most beautiful gift of all.” (Daphne du Maurier)

ecently in the supermarket: The queue at the checkout counter seems to be endless. As usual, I have the feeling that I am in the queue that is the longest and progress seems to be very, very slow. The lady behind me pushes her cart into my heels; a toddler behind her is crying because she wants some sweets… Do you recognise this scene? Well, then you know exactly what I am talking about. How do you react when you are finally first in line and the cashier starts to scan your items? Very often I hear the cashier mumbling „Hi,“ or “Good morning,” while she takes the first item to scan it. The customers don’t respond at all, or answer in a similar manner, without even looking at the cashier. No one looks at one another. I often wonder how a cashier can stand not being treated as a human being all day long. Would people mind if some robot were doing her job instead? Maybe the customers just want to pay and leave the supermarket as quickly as possible. What a terrible thought, don’t you agree? And that is exactly the reason why I treat the cashier with respect and friendliness. To tell the truth, I am not always patient and there are times when I roll my eyes, because I have the feeling that the cashier is too slow. On the other hand, how can I know that the cashier is responsible? And therefore, there

is always a smile on my face when I am the one in front of the cashier, and I greet her. Sometimes I start a short conversation, such as: “Hello, seems that today everyone is going shopping at the same time. I can imagine you’ll be happy when your workday is finished.” In nine out of ten cases the cashier responds with a warm and friendly smile and a short answer. And that was exactly my intention, to bring a smile to the cashier’s face. It is so easy to get someone to smile. Unfortunately, we usually don’t take the time for this, or we are too shy or think that it would be inappropriate to start talking to a stranger. Just give it a try! Start talking to the lady you regularly meet when she goes for a walk with her dog. Greet your neighbour more warmly than usual. I am sure you will find more occasions to bring a smile to someone’s face, once you start looking for them. You will see, after a while you will get used to it, and it will be fun. And while you put smiles on the faces of others, you yourself will also change; because every day you will have some more pleasant encounters, and therefore you will be more positive and happy. Start now! – I wish you all the best, and of course many smiling faces in your life.

Sabine Osmanovic is an expert for Personal Quality Management. Her trainings involve the topics Communication, Goal Setting, Motivation and Problem Solving. She coaches individuals as well as teams. Her main focus is to give her participants as much of a benefit as possible. According to her philosophy, “If you can dream it, you can do it!” She helps people make their dreams come true. www.sabine-osmanovic.de

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STRONG WOMEN

The Strong Woman: A Short Guide for Men, Life Partners and Husbands 10

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STRONG WOMEN

here is a common myth about strong women: That they are only strong on the outside, but weak on the inside. But this is basically true for every human being: We all have different internal characters, and sometimes these are complete opposites. When coaching, we call these the two forces (male/female, strong/weak, reliable/unreliable, yin/yang).

So what really makes a woman strong? From my point of view, it is a combination of various factors: 1) She really has a strong vision of where she wants to be in five years. 2) She is assertive, sharp and sexy. 3) She has strong willpower. 4) She constantly works on improving herself. 5) She scares the hell out of men. In the corporate world, the strong woman has a tough call and must find the balance between being assertive and being a bitch. Some strong women come across as men. Personally, I find it sad when I have to behave like a man to have success; but I also remember that sometimes this is the only way to survive, especially in a male-dominated work environment, such as banking or accounting. If the strong woman is married, the husband sometimes feels challenged by her strengths and by the fact that she makes her own decisions. He has two choices; he either becomes rebellious and they fight a lot, or he becomes helpless and mutates into a child. In Case 2, the strong woman then takes on even more responsibility, until the husband decides to leave because he does not feel man enough anymore. Usually, the husband of a strong woman will also eventually show signs of impotence, or frequently he will be sick.

On the other hand, the strong woman in Scenario 1 fights a lot, but does not feel happy in her relationships, and looks for someone who provides her with harmony and love. Or in Scenario 2, she feels overburdened and breaks down or shows health related issues (back pain for example). I see strong women everywhere I look. They are not only successful directors, but also mothers with four children and a career, and grandmothers who still take care of six grandchildren. Other women have an elderly relative, or even a life partner that needs their medical care. One of my role models is my grandmother, who took care of my cousins and cooked for the whole family, although she was more than 80 years old. Strong women handle multiple roles, but what they yearn for are multiple orgasms. As discussed under Scenario 1 and 2, this is a paradox, because the man, life partner or husband of the strong woman will either get too annoyed with her or become impotent, so after a while he will not have sex with her anymore. What can you as men, life partners and husbands do? 1) Give the strong woman room to be weak. 2) Support her in her career, but also at home. 3) Give her a break from her multiple roles and responsibilities. 4) Acknowledge her for what she brings into the relationship every day. 5) Be romantic once in a while. The strong woman had a reason to choose you as her life partner or husband. It might have been a sub-conscious one, but usually the strong woman sees the potential in her partner or husband. If a couple manages to bring out the best potential of both partners, then the strong woman has the chance to be weak once in a while; and without being too optimistic, I believe there is hope for a Scenario 3.

Angela Weinberger Has lived in Germany, Switzerland, the UK, India and Australia and recently started her own company, Global People Transitions GmbH. Here she offers her global mobility expertise, executive coaching and intercultural training. Angela also offers group coaching for women. You can find her on Twitter as @angieweinberger. www.globalpeopletransitions.com

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Current Topic

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

Once again in a colourful place! At age 44 the freelance artist Petra Webersik decided to give her life a new direction. She terminated her permanent employment contract in public service, to take on the new challenges of being self-employed. When Petra Webersik began studying painting and drawing in October 2005, she had no idea that this undertaking was laying the first cornerstone to a completely new lifestyle. Before she finished studying for her Masters in November 2011, she had already made major changes. Since spring 2006, she studies the historical development of the bra. Over time she repeatedly encountered extraordinary women in her studies. By reading the biographies of these women, Petra realized that nothing in life is impossible. At this time Petra lived in Nordrhein-Westfalen /Germany and worked as a technical designer. She was dealing with some unhappy chapters in her life, and trying to find solutions. At a young age she had set the goal to one day live on an island surrounded by mountains. Over the years she finally found back to her childhood dream.

many to Mecklenburg-Vorpommern. She has lived in Sassnitz on the island of Ruegen since then, and on a daily basis she is inspired by the unique colours the island has to offer. The move to Sassnitz and all these positive life changes influenced her artwork very much. Just after New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Eve 2012, Petra began with her search for an atelier. She was led to her current atelier by the sea, by a man she had never met before. Today she describes her experience in this way: If you have a dream, pursue it and always be open for surprises along the way! When the first steps are taken, everything else will fall into place according to plan, and you will have the impression that 1,000 little helpers are with you at all times! The studio Petra Webersik is located in Hafenstr. 12, House F, in 18546 Sassnitz.

Early 2011 she visited the island of Ruegen. It was back then that she decided to set her sails for Ruegen, and so she immediately started to look for housing. In the beginning this appeared to be very difficult. One lucky day she met her current landlord, who offered her a small apartment with a sea view. Petra returned to Aachen and gradually started all the necessary steps to move to the island of Ruegen. August 2nd, 2011 the moving company was at her doorstep, in order to move all the belongings of the single mother and her son across Ger-

Petra Webersik Bra - who will go right into lust? Petra webersik studies the historical development of the bra and exceptional WOMEN. www.petra-webersik.de

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Turning Into a Queen

Turning Into a Queen in 7 Steps – a Guideline to Personal Success

ave you ever dreamed of a man behaving like a gentleman towards you? He opens the door for you, treats you very kindly, invites you to dinner, and is interested in you. And have you ever experienced that? If the answer to one of these questions is “no”, the following steps could help you acquire your personal dream. This is the introduction to our new series of seven articles on “How to turn into a queen in seven steps”. This guideline will show you how to use your femininity as a natural part of yourself. By following the steps you will be going through a transformation process and will begin to realize how easy and wonderful life as a “woman” can be. These seven steps will bring forth your feminine authenticity, boost your self-esteem and make you aware of your true inner values. Men will find you just adorable. In today’s issue you get a quick guide with three steps for instant use. These three tips have a tremendous effect on men. I use them every day, and in doing so men just start talking to me.

Step 1 “Use your voice and a smile” Smile and speak softly. You don´t know how? Just sing or say “la, la, la, la, la” about 5 times. That is the fastest way to motivate yourself, and your voice sounds friendlier. Whatever you do, do it with a smile. A smile opens the door to others’ heart. You will be surprised by the responses you get by just smiling at people. Your smile could change everything.

Step 2 “Use the right words” Use phrases such as “Be my hero” or “Save me” and then ask for help. For example, you are in the supermarket and you need someone to carry your groceries to your car. Just say “Could you be my hero? Please help me.” These simple phrases spur men to do their best. Just test them, and you will be surprised by the effect you have on men. It doesn’t matter how old they are. Try this with an older gentleman, your neighbour or the waiter in your favourite restaurant. Finally try it with a person you would like to meet privately. Just remember: If you don`t ask, you will never find out.

Step 3 “Use your body” Your posture Wherever you are, stand or sit upright. You just look more graceful and have the effect of the former actress “Grace Kelly”. Men love that. Practice these steps as often as you can. Next time you will learn how to change your inner attitude and define your goals. I’m very interested in learning about your progress. Please write me your experiences and send an email to: susanneblake@the-individual-touch.com. Good-bye for now and wishing you all the best. Yours, Susanne Blake

Susanne Blake Since 1997 Susanne Blake has been working as a consultant and life coach in an international context. With an international business background, she provides training with a practical approach. Her trainings are also available via telephone and Skype and meet the demands of junior- to chief-executives. Especially business women profit from her professional coaching. www.the-individual-touch.com

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

Oops. I did it again!

took off my sweater the wrong way. What I mean? Well, men grab a sweater at the back of the collar and pull it over their heads with a lot of effort, don’t they? Women hold the sweater with their arms crossed at the bottom and then pull it up elegantly. And that’s how I did it again. So now, according to the classic rhetorical three-step programme, my sex will change from male to female. You know what I mean: 1. All birds can fly. 2. The ostrich is a bird. 3. So the ostrich can fly. This technique is used quite often in negotiations, to prove something that is impossible to prove. And there is something else to be learned from this example, because it is really a classic one. It is commonly said that it proves that there are different communication strategies for women and for men. But does it? In my opinion, this is just one of those automated tasks that make life easier, and it has nothing to do with communication whatsoever. There may be historical reasons for taking off a sweater in different ways. It’s probably learned from our parents. And it’s not in the genes. But it is worthwhile to have a critical look at such automated tasks or strategies. Is it really useful to do things the same way you’ve always done? Surprise your surroundings or your counterpart in a negotiation with a different approach and you’ll get different results. BTW: I know at least three different ways to take off my sweater.

Wolfgang Bönisch The Master of Negotiation Arts. Saved 1 million through Ghost-Negotiation, a costumer successfully implemented 20% price increase after a negotiation training or a doubling of the daily fee during a coaching session.He is supporting businesses and entrepreneurs in multiple ways to improve their negotiation results. www.wolfgangboenisch.com

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Current Topic

Why Are the Others So Different? Why Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t They Like US? Americans are superficial. Germans are humorless. Irish drink too much. Some parts of culture are visible.

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

he important things, the aspects of your culture that can cause others to fall into cultural traps, are unwritten, invisible and almost impossible to explain. The simple question, “Why do you do things this way in your culture?” leads to confusion. Try to describe your culture. That’s not so easy. Why? You live your culture, you breathe it. You understand it instinctively. You don´t need to explain it. My definition of culture is “It´s the way we do things around here, because we´ve always done them like this”. What happens when we need to deal with people outside of our own cultural framework? What do you consider, when you think about working abroad? If you´re fortunate, you will be sent abroad by your parent company, which organizes and pays for intercultural communication training before your assignment begins, as well as training during the first six months you live in the new culture, in order to clarify any points causing you trouble, and then finally training when your assignment is over and you are back home. This should also include your family.

But that’s mostly not the way it works. It amazes me that companies spend so much money to send employees abroad, and at the same time forget that these people will need to deal with people in their cultural context. More than 50% of those sent to work abroad go home before their contract is up. Why? The main reason is that they do not feel they understand the culture, and that they have the impression that they are not being understood.

Let´s look at a situation close to real life. You are sent abroad to negotiate a contract. Everything has been organized. You feel confident. You buy a culture guide at the airport bookstore and read it on the plane. It´s full of tips and tricks: You learn how to hand over your business card, etc. But. You feel uneasy during the negotiations and you don’t know why. There is too much small talk or not enough. There is too much emphasis on details or not enough. You aren’t sure who the decision-maker is. You go back to your home country and hope the next time your boss will send somebody else. Or. Everything goes well. You do things the way you always do. They are so polite. Funny though, you don´t heard from them again. Strange people, those OTHERS. How could this happen? After all, you read the guide. You followed the rules. But. You started at the wrong place. The right place? YOU. Step 1: Who am I? What are my cultural rules? How do I see THEM? Step 2: Who are THEY? What are their cultural rules? How do they see ME? It sounds simple, and it is, if we take the time to think about what this involves. Communication, hierarchy, time, etc. What are we actually talking about here? Values, not the judgment of values. Values lie at the core of cultures. Take “honesty”, for example. Define “honesty” as it is understood in your own culture. Ask a person from a different culture to define “honesty”. That´s where the fun starts. And our series on cultural differences starts here as well. Join me next month on our journey to find the answer to my initial question. I look forward to it.

Margaret Jankowsky has spent her whole life looking for the answer to the question “Why are other cultures so different?” This has taken her on a journey all over the world. And it isn´t over yet! Margaret loves listening to others and finding out what makes them tick. www.wordsconnectworlds.com

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

Overcoming Self-Doubt Working Together To Achieve More We all have these moments, in which we start doubting ourselves and questioning our value. Confidence becomes a mere word found in the dictionary. For some of us these moments last longer, for others only a short time. But what can we do once self-doubt has surfaced?

oes self-doubt rear its ugly face in your life? Maybe even regularly? Perhaps you are just too critical of yourself. This happens quite frequently, and you are not alone. All too often we ourselves stand in our own way.

In busy times like these, with a never-ending stream of information and (perceived) demands, we constantly operate under overload. Do you feel rested and relaxed? Too bad, these days are long gone.

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

So it’s only too obvious that new challenges won’t give us goose bumps of excitement. Maybe they are even the final straw that breaks our backs.

pear to be a tragedy, when seen from the overall perspective of what really counts in life, it mostly isn’t. Start creating such small moments for others, and you will see that you will immediately feel better yourself.

Brian Tracy is quoted as saying: “It is not how low you fall, but how high you bounce!”

2. Find wings to climb under

What can you actually do to really bounce back up, once you are down? Certainly no one else can give us worth or self-esteem. That is entirely our own job. Which is bad news, as well as good news.

When we don’t feel worthy, we often tend to retreat from our environment, feeling we don’t really have anything of value to offer. You do. Don’t retreat – but rather become a selective chooser of whom you associate with.

It is bad news when seen as a mentality of entitlement. Blame and shame won’t get you out of the pit. The good news is that it is within your own power to start bouncing up again. However, it needs to be said that the environment we find ourselves in plays an important role in deciding how easy it will be for us to get going again.

We are all social beings, and the validation and affirmation of others is important to us. Hang out with people who really support you. Not in order to have a pity party, but to encourage, empower, and accept one another as valuable beings, who might be having a hard time right now, but who are nevertheless loveable.

Here are some practical strategies that I have found helpful; personally and professionally:

Make extra effort to be thoughtful and loving in your conversations, and choose to deliberately point out to one another things that are empowering and nurturing. A little dose of love, given at the right time, can go a long way. And the funny thing is, when you share love and appreciation, it comes right back to you, and is more bountiful than you could imagine.

1. Appreciate small successes Even if you aren’t able to move mountains right now, and even if there is a problem to solve at hand, don’t let that stop you from seeing the many things that go right all the time. Appreciate the small things and be grateful for them. Notice the wonderful sunset, the smile of the vendor on the street, or cuddle with your child and spend that precious time deliberately, living in the present moment.

We are all capable beings, and each of us has our place in life. We are much more powerful than we can imagine right now. Let’s fill this place with love, and shine a light for each other. It is up to each of us to contribute our share, to make this planet become the loving and nurturing place we all want it to be. Let’s do it, so that we have a beautiful world. Do you want to play? Come along and fly! It’s beautiful out there.

These small moments of appreciation, joy and gratitude, when practised over time, will accumulate and allow you to develop the right perspective. And even though something might ap-

Martin Laschkolnig is an inspiring speaker on self-esteem, motivation and the transformative power of energy psychology. He is the European partner of Jack Canfield (known as the co-author of “Chicken Soup for the Soul” and as the featured teacher in “The Secret”). Martin represents the International Council for Self-Esteem in Austria and serves on the board of the German Speakers Association. Connect with him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/MLaschkolnig or www.MartinLaschkolnig.com

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

“Walks of Life”

“Our Journey Begins Here”

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

“Walks of Life”

Welcome to our many walks together. I am very happy to take you along on an exciting and stimulating journey, on which you can imagine and explore a multitude of things. Things can be discovered in many ways, so let me take you by your hand and let’s go together. Are you ready?

ou may be thinking: Where are we going? What is she talking about? Initially, we tend to be a bit critical to something or somebody new. So then, let me take you on our first walk together. I have been curious all my life; hence I picked a delightful and funky title for this column that might spark your curiosity on life and more. First, a little bit about me: I was born and raised in Thun in Switzerland. (Thun is pronounced like cartoon or tuna fish). It is a beautiful, picturesque, small town on the Lake of Thun, with a beautiful view of many snow-covered mountains and castles nestled alongside of the lake. Thun was a special place to grow up in: In the summer we benefited from the lake, the river and the wonderful swimming pool, and in the other seasons we were in the mountains, either hiking or skiing. I am very happy to say that it was a great experience to grow up in a smaller town. Now I live in New York and I love its size, the diversity and the craziness. However, growing up in a smaller town was probably best for me. I started small and always had room to grow. Initially, I worked for the airline Swiss Airlines and had the best time of my life. I was able to travel throughout the world, almost for free, and worked with people from all different walks of life. I truly enjoyed the diversity of the people, the joy of traveling and the very many different cultures. These days, I am proud to say that I have traveled to 50+ countries and I won’t stop. All these trips to foreign countries exposed me to loads of cultures. As Steve Jobs (former Apple CEO) said: “You only connect the dots in the past, not in the future.” So while I was eager to travel to many different destinations, I was not yet aware that in the near future I would make use of my

travels to become a cross-cultural guru, as a workshop designer, facilitator and coach. Even better, all my travels exposed me to other cultures and I was totally at ease. I was able to live and breathe a variety of cultures in person, versus reading about them in books. While working for Swiss Airlines, I worked in Zurich in their Lost and Found office at the airport. This must have been my free daily cross-cultural seminar that was a good preparation for life. I could not pick the clients nor could I pick the cultures. On the contrary, the clients and cultures picked me. I remember one funny incident vividly, when a lady dressed in a colorful, traditional Nigerian dress came into my office with her baby. She must have just fed the baby and was ready to put the baby onto her back again. For a short while she had to rearrange her dress, so she told me in a very deep voice: “You keep baby.” Well, I had no choice but to hold that little bundle. When the baby opened his eyes, the little creature started to cry incessantly upon seeing me. Was it me or was it the new environment? Not sure on that, however I was happy when the mother took the baby back, as I was afraid he would start to vomit over my uniform. Besides, it probably would have been high time to change the baby’s diapers, to say the least. So this was a happy incident, where I had no option but to hold the crying (smelly) baby. At one point during this brief encounter I was wondering what I would do if the mother walked away and I could literally “keep the baby.” This was a cross-cultural experience in its purest form, which I will never forget. Are you ready for more? Next time we will take a walk through my daily life in New York, where I worked full-time and went to school part-time at night.

Susanne Mueller, MA. – “Walks of life” Originally from Switzerland, landed in New York working for Swiss Airlines (Sales & Marketing); BA in Psychology, MA in Organizational Development & Leadership, Coaching Certification. Currently, she teaches “coaching” at New York University. In her rare spare time she is a running coach and is completing marathons & Half Ironman races. Her next walk is Mt. Kilimanjaro. www.susannemueller.biz

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

Quiet Power WITH Great Impact: Eva’s Story

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

Eva has just landed a big promotion: She is now vice-president of a large international company. For some colleagues, her promotion came as a surprise. Eva is an introvert. Can she still be a powerful leader? Good question! What is power? People with power make an impact on their surroundings. Often people associate this impact with words such as “assertive”, “fast-acting” or “dominant”. However, the kind of power that comes with dominance has its flaws, no matter how charismatic and entertaining the person in charge may be.

The (relative) wisdom of group decisions Take any meeting, for example. Assertive and dominant persons will act quickly and with determination. They will get more attention and, most importantly, will influence the subsequent discussion. Whatever they say will be perceived as something to be considered. However, the impact “first speakers” have comes with a price tag. The first idea – no matter how convincing and appealing it may sound – is not always the best one, as recent studies show. Quieter persons often don’t feel motivated to contribute other ideas, even if these appear superior (and have been checked, compared and undergone a thorough internal evaluation!). In other words: A fast, driven, convincing statement may compromise the quality of the outcome.

The other power Fortunately, there is a second kind of power that balances the impulsive kind of dominant power focused on immediate results. I call it “quiet power”. Eva has it. This less obvious form of influence is connected to other attributes – attributes that may not look impressive, but that are able to create a positive, long-lasting impact.

Here are five traits that brought Eva into her new position: 1. Persistence. Eva is able to continue with challenging tasks longer than others. She keeps trying if she thinks it is worth it. This may not sound overwhelmingly sexy – but it makes the crucial difference between a good result and a great result. 2. Absorption. Eva listens and observes closely. She carefully evaluates what she perceives from others. The perspective she gets is therefore much broader than in persons who are mostly self-absorbed. Eva is thus able to incorporate valuable additional information into her planning and her actions. She looks for the best input, not for the most self-confident input. 3. Empathy. Eva can easily assume the position of others and identify needs and perspectives different from her own. This is a crucial advantage when relating to others. Eva has built invaluable personal relationships in all her previous positions. 4. Independence. Eva constantly strives to gain insights and to do what she thinks is right – even if she deviates from mainstream opinions. Just as importantly, she gives those who report to her a little leeway when it comes to taking responsibility and making decisions. She is also able to let others shine. This makes her a popular boss – especially the ambitious movers and shakers love to be on Eva’s team. 5. Time alone. Eva is convinced that great achievements are usually not the outcome of a group decision or brainstorming process. Whenever she has something really important to decide, she retreats and focuses on her task, with no distractions and no need to consider mainstream opinions. The traits that made Eva so successful can be observed in many introverted leaders. If you are an introvert yourself, do as Dolly Parton recommends: “Find out who you are – and do it on purpose!”

Dr. Sylvia C. Löhken is a speaker, a coach – and an introvert. With a decade of experience in different “intro habitats“(research, science administration, management position in Japan), she helps quiet persons achieve their goals using their own advantages. Contact via English website: www.leise-menschen.com/en/

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Clear of Clutter

Clear of Clutter W

hat is clutter? On a physical level it is anything we do not use or love; on a non-physical level it is anything unfinished. It keeps us stuck in the past and prevents good new things from coming into our life. In average, every one of us owns about 10,000 things. That is a lot of stuff to handle, quite literally. Chaos theory turns into reality in our lives; we experience it first hand, every day. “I’m the only one who hasn’t got a proper filing system in place,” you might secretly think - but hey, we are all familiar with the scenario of the desk disappearing under heaps of dodgy bits, and papers that have developed a life of their own and have spread into all sorts of funny places... Do not despair! - Here is some hands-on advice on how to stay on top of the clutter. When it comes to clearing spaces, the most difficult step is to start at all. Try not to be overambitious and kid yourself into thinking you will sort out an entire wardrobe in one go: “When I am less busy/find the time/next week…”

»» Top tip: Never tackle more than one small area at a time. One drawer, one file, half a book shelf. »» Second: Do not remain vague about the “when”. Make an appointment with yourself, and show up. It is realistic and achievable to assign ten minutes to the task of clearing clutter. And with that success under your belt, you will be all fired up to move on to the next project. Clutter Clearing can be regarded as a chore. However, starting today, you could see it as a means of clearing the energy of the space around you, so that you come closer to your vision and goals. How exciting and empowering is that! So, start right now: out with the old, in with the new! There are only two days in a year on which you cannot do any clearing: one was yesterday, the other one is tomorrow. Happy clearing! Next topic: Clothes

Birgit Medele is a London based author, speaker, trainer and declutter expert. Her agency ‘Clear of Clutter‘ inspires clients, readers and audiences internationally to let go of things, thoughts and emotions that have turned into clutter. This column presents tips and insights on how to unburden yourself of ballast on all levels. www.clearofclutter.com

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

A Powerful Woman Knows What She Wants – and How to Get It I am often told that I am powerful. When I ask what it is that makes me powerful, people often have no answer. I guess that is because they do not have their own definition of the meaning of powerful. I have mine: I think that powerful means to know what you want and how to get it. Based on this definition I can say that I am powerful. I always knew that I wanted to be self-employed; I always knew that I wanted to earn my money with writing and I always knew that I wanted to be a mum. Now, at the age of 32, I have it all. But the word powerful also means to handle all these things achieved, and to keep them on a good level. So now powerful means to keep on writing; to keep on earning money in a self-employed status and especially to help my wonderful child become a wonderful teenager and later on an even more wonderful adult. So what do I want to say? For me powerful does not only have one definition. If you want to be REALLY powerful, then you

have to change your goals and your priorities when necessary; if they are out of your reach or if you have already achieved them. You need to compare where you are with where you want to be. And only if you always have the path to your goal in mind, and act in a way that enables you to reach it, you can be really powerful. I am sure that almost every one of us has the inner power to get what he or she wants. But only those who periodically rethink the way to get there will be really successful. And – in my view – you are only powerful if you are successful.

Daniela Kunath After several years in tourism, I have finally found my passion in writing. I took the plunge into self-employment, and now my core competences are articles for tourist companies and clients, in need of texts for sports, nutrition or fashion items. I love my job and now I also have time to spend wonderful hours with my wonderful child. www.daniela-kunath.de

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

Sikantis, the Society of Esteem: Its Etruscan Origin

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

Sikantis is the idea of a society based on mutual esteem. This society doesn’t recognize a hierarchy of values. There is only one value, the same esteem for everyone. Every person in Sikantis is uniquely different in regard to talents, character and personality. Every person in Sikantis is equal concerning the giving and receiving of esteem.

wish I could say that I personally visited the important Etruscan fresco that changed my way of viewing society and humanity at its original location in Italy. Instead, I discovered it in my apartment in Zurich, while studying a book on Etruscan Archaeology. This fresco was one of the determining factors in my ensuing 15-year development of the Society of Esteem that I named Sikantis. There aren’t many remnants of the Etruscan culture. Most of the sparse findings were discovered in burial sites. Archaeologists discovered the previously mentioned fresco, painted on a tomb wall, showing an extended illustration of an Etruscan banquet. The Etruscan culture suddenly appeared in Italy around 1,000 B.C. Researchers say that it seems as if it came “out of nowhere”. Nobody knows where the Etruscans came from and why their culture was so much more highly developed than the cultures of other tribes already living in ancient Italy. Almost immediately after arriving on the ancient scene, the Etruscans showed a highly developed civilization and culture. Among their outstanding cultural achievements were street construction, floor heating, gold craft, irrigation knowledge and trading skills. Now let’s take a closer look at the clues the Etruscans left behind in the fresco that lead me to draw some conclusions on Etruscan society. On the right side of the fresco there’s a long, festively decorated table. Etruscan men and women are sitting around the table, drinking from opulent cups and eating a lavish meal.

A musician playing the flute stands behind the table. On the other side, two figures approach the table bringing food on decorative plates. On the left side of the fresco is a kitchen scene, with citizens preparing food in large pots. One person is walking from the kitchen towards the table, carrying another plate with food. Traditional archaeological interpretation was that the mural showed a rich majordomo having dinner with his family. The servants were thought to be his slaves - cooking, serving and entertaining the family with music. But when you look at the details more closely, a different picture emerges. All of the participants, whether they’re serving or being served, wear the same clothing of wealth and good taste. Each one, the diners, the servants, the musician and the cooks, are all dressed in finely decorated clothing. Another conspicuous detail is the fact that there are women, dressed in beautiful clothing as well, seated among the dinner guests – unusual for those times. The new interpretation according to the Society of Esteem is: The wealthy outfits suggest that there was no difference in status between the people being served and the people serving them, or between men and women. Seemingly the cooks, the musician and the waiters received the same esteem for their work as the family, which was celebrating. In the Society of Esteem there is no hierarchy of values depending on the possession of money or power. Everybody receives the same esteem for his profession, regardless if waiter, musician, cook or land baron.

Cecilia Illes Theologian. She developed the idea of the Society of Esteem called Sikantis. Sikantis doesn’t recognize a hierarchy of values and bases its culture on mutual esteem. She has a blog called “Society of Esteem” and has published a book with the title “Richie und das Geheimnis der Ameisen” (only available in German) as hardcover and eBook on Amazon. www.sikantis.org

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

Somewhere Between Deadly and Cute Men’s coach Harald Berenfänger on strong women - and strong men I love strong women! Women, who have all the works; they know what they want, they live independently and autonomously, they actively live their lust, desire and sexuality; and their juicy, feminine outfit and appearance tempts me. Women, who are able to balance softness and helplessness, surrender and self-abandonment, self-confidence and arrogance, ease and life as a princess

Strong women can lure the horny hunter or the timid boy out of me – depending on who is the top dog in my inner team at that moment. But there is one thing these strong women cannot do: They cannot leave me cold. Sometimes they also baffle me: when they suddenly switch from surrender to destruction mode! Or they shock me, when

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

In addition, there are two traits that seem essential to me: sovereignty when faced with mood changes and steadfastness when the wolf in you is to be tamed. When a man gets involved with a strong woman, he will be surprised time and again how fast his beloved can switch from lovely to murderous. The man who lets a strong woman into his house will always be exposed to the test of resisting her degrading attempt to educate him. There is hardly anything that scares strong women away more, or is more successful in encouraging them to hurt, hate or destroy than a man’s unforgivable weakness of being licked or hedged! Every ideal has its drawbacks. Whoever allows the archetype of a lover to wither, turns back into a chauvinistic macho or a sympathetic softy. The same applies to the withering of a female lover. This results in us shudderin, as we face a man-hating bra burner or a squeaky Barbie. Marginal Note: Talking of drawbacks tempts us to lead fruitless discussions, like we recently did when the book „Shades of Grey“ was published, and everyone argued about whether women who like SM are emancipated or reactionary. In the same way, debates about when and how much a good mother can/may/should work, mostly take place on the same level: On the level of shades there is only black and white, no colours that surround everything. just after they were clear and precise; they suddenly play the role of the innocent little girl. As I say - all the works. And so it is clear what men need, in order to love strong women: We need to have all the works as well – clarity, self-confidence and the pursuit of liberty; as well as the qualities of a lover, a hunter, a warrior and a king. We need to show humour, play and fight, talk and be silent.

A woman is really strong if she succeeds in backing out of that unpleasant change-your-shade modus and climbs up to the level of a “lover”. In this process, the “strong man” supports her with his love, his persistence and his humorous serenity. Translated from German by Birgit S. Schachner www.speak4yourself.de

Harald Berenfänger Harald Berenfänger (46) works as a men’s coach in Cologne and Bonn. He is a philosopher (MA), certified business coach (SHB), NLP trainer (DVNLP) and belongs to the Coaching Team of Emotion magazine. For more details please see www.maennlichkeit-bewegt.com

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

What Does Amazon Know That Jane’s Husband Doesn’t? Jane is a close friend of mine. And Mike is Jane’s husband. Actually, they are a pretty good team. Okay, I know, this doesn’t really sound very romantic. But after 16 years of marriage, the team aspect is probably just superficial. Mike assured me of this fact last New Year’s Eve, not quite sober anymore and keeping a safe distance from Jane. He is a mathematician. And as if that was not already hard enough for a romantically inclined wife, he additionally ended up in management, specifically in controlling, the natural enemy of any kind of romance. But Jane knew all this beforehand, and married him anyway. Blame yourself, as I always say. Nevertheless, since then she is constantly trying to awaken the ‘George Clooney of fractions’ in Mike. And amazingly, she is surprised again and again when this goes completely down the drain. As on her last birthday: A few days after this occasion we sit in our favourite pub along with two wine spritzers, and I ask her exactly the one question I should have known I would deeply regret just five seconds later. “Well, and what did Mike give you for your birthday?” “Concert tickets.” That sounds about as excited as going to the dentist next week in order to undergo a root canal treatment.

„Oh. But… isn’t that Mike’s favourite rock band?“ Bull’s eye. Usually empathy really belongs to my virtues, but in this case my mouth was just quicker than my brain. “Right. Mike listens to them night and day. In my personal opinion they are absolutely horrible.” Jane seems as if she might explode at any moment. “For 364 days I have given him uncountable obvious hints. Regularly. For example when I saw something nice in a shop window...” She starts mocking herself: “Oh darling, look, how cute! Aren’t these pink pumps lovely? Oh honey, look! How wonderful this golden charm would match my bracelet. Oh my love, look, don’t you think that this leather skirt would fit me like hell?” Slowly I get an idea how Michael must have felt. “I gave him thousands of good ideas and what does he do? He buys me concert tickets for his, just to say it again, his favourite rock band; even though he knows perfectly well that I cannot stand them. And then he wonders why I no longer talk to him for the rest of the evening.” I order two more wine spritzers.

“Hey, that sounds great. And for which artist?“ I immediately recognize that my enthusiasm clearly differs from hers.

“Well, that was certainly not very clever, but I’m sure that he didn’t want to hurt you intentionally.”

„Grunge Babes“, she hisses towards me, toxic.

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

“You don’t really want to defend him, do you?” “No, no“, I answer for the sake of our friendship and with great empathy for the seriousness of the situation. “But in my opinion men have a natural right to extenuating circumstances. It’s a fact that only a few of their species are able to understand women’s signals.” Jane nods. I really feel sorry for her. Beyond any doubt, Mike screwed the thing with the birthday present. “Do you know what bugs me the most?” Jane sets down her wine spritzer. “That Amazon knows me much better than my own husband does.” “What? How do you get that idea?” “Amazon always knows how to make me happy. When I log in, there are very often things I would love to have. And that I could really use, like a new food processor or a red handbag. In its recent newsletter, Amazon suggested exactly the same charms for my charm bracelet that would just amazingly fit my other ones. And also regarding the reading recommendations, they quite often know my taste. Unlike Mike!” “That’s really no wonder, my dear,” I reply. “Mike certainly isn’t as intensely concerned with collecting relevant information, providing him with a detailed ‘what-could-Jane-like-profile’ as Amazon is.”

book written by Mr. Miller, then she might want to read his second one, too.’ To the point – there’s a lot of cross-calculation behind it, but basically it all comes down to a single goal: To entice you to shop. All offers are personalized, based on your previous purchasing behaviour and your interests. That’s nice. But it also means that you potentially get lots of pimp-yoursex-life-suggestions, only because you once ordered a dildo for your little sister’s birthday.” Jane is obviously considering this. “And what about those virtual suggestions of other customers?” “You mean this `Customers who had sex with Mike also dated Charles, Stephan and Thomas` thing?” Jane snorts the last sip of wine spritzer number two on the table. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.” “Well, that’s almost the same. You click on a product and because Amazon records who already clicked on it as well, and which other items this person already bought, it thinks that you and the other person could have the same taste. Then it compares your age, your profession and all the data you have given Amazon when filling in your account profile, and now they have everything they need to give you interesting suggestions. Maybe one or the other is a direct hit.” I order two more wine spritzers.

“Oh, and how does Amazon do that?” “Every time you log in to Amazon, they save where you’re surfing and they track each of your clicks. The fact that you look at bracelet charms will be saved, as well as your search for pink pumps. Maybe you even added them to your wish list. And if you come back and log in again, Amazon offers you exactly the things, or at least similar ones, that obviously already awakened your interest. And because all books are categorized by authors, keywords, topics, and so on, the clever online retailer of your trust supposes: ‘Well, if she likes books by Mrs. Smith, then maybe she will also love books by Mr. Doe on the same topic. And if she was interested in the first

“Oh my goodness. And all that effort, just to find stuff that I might like?” Jane is clearly thoughtful. “Exactly. But not so much to please you, but primarily to generate revenue.” “I don’t care at all – let them earn money. At least they think so hard about what I might like.” Sometimes I envy Jane for her simple logic. She looks at me with a grin. “Could you please have this little talk with Mike once again? Maybe then my next birthday won’t end with my banishing him and his Grunge Babes pillow from our bedroom.”

Elisabeth Heinemann is a professor for computer science, a keynote speaker, a cabaret artist and a book author. Since 2000, she supports people in developing their personal skills (www.effactory.com). And because there is so much left to discover between “Bits & Bytes”, the lady professor started being on stage with her first cabaret programme in 2012. www.frau-professor.com

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

Current Topic

“Me”

or nearly two decades in Australia I worked to establish myself and my identity, first as a career woman and then, years later, as a mother and juggler of work and babies. Then, one day, my partner and I decided to relocate to the other side of the globe, and almost overnight all that changed.

receptionist and I shared no common language, working out that I was meant to weigh my vegetables before I got to the check-out, and so on. I went from being someone who could walk into a room and easily start a conversation to hardly being able to leave the house for fear of having to speak.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was convinced it was going to be an adventure and that we would all grow from the experience. That’s why the decision for us to move seemed so easy. While I knew there would be bumps along the way, I thought I had considered all the ‘big ticket items’ and implications of, for example, moving to a place where I didn’t speak the language, leaving family and friends – my ‘village’ – behind, as well as knowing nothing about the place or culture of my new home.

The feeling of losing one’s identity – however it happens – can come hand in hand with a loss of confidence, a sense of having lost control over your life, and becoming very inwardly focused. For me, my international move meant that all the usually manageable duties associated with being The Wife and/or The Mother became almost impossibly difficult, and it took at least six months before the fog started to lift, and I learned that I needed to make changes; to embrace who I am, and establish a ‘village’ for myself.

Indeed, it wasn’t until we arrived – with two small kids in tow – that the implications of our move became reality, and I was faced with a whole heap of challenges I hadn’t anticipated. The biggest – and one I was totally unprepared for – was being faced with the loss of my identity, of who I thought I was. Back home in Australia, I could do daily tasks without thinking. In Zurich, I was baffled by even the most basic tasks, like translating and paying our bills, driving on the right-hand side of the road, trying to make doctor’s appointments when the

Over the past five years I have come to know many inspiring women and men who have made a move like ours and carved out new lives for themselves. I consider these people to be powerful. They are people who are able to change, and are able to accomplish things they wouldn’t have before. These are people who have used their situation to challenge themselves and others to embrace the experience and not lose their identity but add to it – and to the lives of those around them. A very powerful thing indeed.

Kate Hughes Kate is an expert executive coach, facilitator and human resources consultant. In 2008, she set up Latitude Organisational Consulting where she provides expert facilitation, coaching and high level advice to executives and senior managers within organisations. In 2009 she was a founding member of The Powerhouse, a professional network for women in Zurich. www.consultlatitude.com www.powerhousecollective.com

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

STRONG WOMEN

YOU HAVE TO BE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN!

e? Yes, you! More and more often we read, hear and see that women have to be more independent and strong! Am I weak? What do I do wrong?

This week I stumbled across Bronnie Ware’s list of the five unfilled wishes most people had before they died. One of them was: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” This sentence really struck me! Have you come across situations like “Oops! That is not what I want!” But without even realizing it, you still do it?! “Do you need my support? Of course I will be there for you, even though I feel completely overloaded!” “Every time I am with X I feel exhausted. But I will still meet X for dinner on Friday.” Ten years ago, these situations added up for me and I got really sick. I felt so weak for months that I had to change my approach to life. At that time I didn’t have the strength to do anything. So more and more I began asking myself the following questions: “Do I really want this? Is my relationship with this person balanced? Do I still have the strength to do this? Do I need a break?” In the beginning, asking these questions was really strange. Many times I forgot to ask them. But by taking these small steps, and by being patient and generous with myself, it became easier and easier to practice this ritual. Eventually I was ready for the next level. I began asking myself: “Do I enjoy this?” If the answer was a NO, then I tried to spend as little time as possible doing it.

Asking myself these questions changed my life a lot! It took me a long time to get to the point I am at now. Sometimes I look back and see myself doing too much for others or things that didn’t matter. But now, after some reflection, I realize that I am responsible for my own life. I no longer expect others to be responsible for my life’s happiness. I want to share two exercises with you that supported me on my journey learning NOT to forget who and what is good for me. Exercise 1: Find something you really enjoy and do it on a daily basis! This can be going for a walk, cooking, reading, dancing, yoga, painting, laying on the earth and/or just letting go, meditating, watching animals, etc… Plan some time for at least one thing you like doing every day! Exercise 2: Review your relationships. Create your people energy-up/energy-down list. It is important to do this in written form. Write down the name of the person. Ask yourself this question: Is your relationship with this person balanced? Does this person lift your energy up or down? If you have “energy-down” people at work, surround yourself even more with “energy-up” people in your leisure time. Stay in balance! Spend more time with energy-up people! These two exercises can help you stick with things and people you like! Trust your needs and care for them. Above all, allow yourself to choose. Be the woman you want to be!

Barbara Valenti is a business facilitator for international projects and change management. She uses strength oriented and participative methods to help keep people and their organizations in balance. The core areas of her work are personal growth, Work-Life-Management and working in an international context. She is Austrian, currently living in Germany, and has more than 18 years of international experience. www.teamplus1.de

PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12

I like my PinkPumps! PinkPumps GLOBAL com www.pinkpumpsopen.

09|12

6 | Sabine Schme

lzer

or powe r we Wome n wit r wome n h po olnig 18 | Martin Laschk

fOvercoming Sel g Tog eth er Dou bt– Wo rkin re To Achieve Mo 20 | Susanne Muelle

- Ou r “Wa lks of Life” Here” Jou rney Beg ins 24 | Birgit Medel

G STRONN WOME

Cle ar of Clutter

PinkPumps GLOBAL is the magazine for HER (and HIM). Diving into the world of women. For HER, with tips and ideas for the design of an individual way of life. For HIM, an opportunity to be better able to understand women. The goal: a cherishing interaction between men and women.

Next magazine on October 18, 2012

Main Topic: Internal Versus External Boundaries Subscribe free of charge until April 2013 www.pinkpumpsopen.com/en