AUG 2014
OUR BIG GAY
WEDDING ISSUE
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Unique or Classic Always Historic Host your wedding in a place created to honor extraordinary Pittsburghers. Among rooms built for special memories. In a unique setting that includes breathtaking views, a variety of room options,catering from the Common Plea, and a full-service event staff to help you host a wedding that won’t be soon forgotten.
412-454-6435 • 1212 Smallman Street • Pittsburgh, PA 15222 • www.heinzhistorycenter.org
CONTRIBUTORS & THANK YOU’S
G. Michael Beigay is a free-lance photographer and special education professional for Allegheny Intermediate Unit. His photography has provided educational tools to aid students with cognitive disabilities. He also has worked with a media specialist at his LGBT-friendly church to develop various multi-media productions. Michael has shot for Cue, Whirl, and now Equal. He is one of the hosts for G2H2 and also the main photographer. Mike Buzzelli is a standup comedian and author. His book, Below Average Genius, a collection of humor pieces culled from his weekly humor column at the ObserverReporter newspaper, is available at Amazon.com.
Chrissy Costa is a standup comedian, actress and freelance writer. She studied sketch comedy at Chicago’s famed Second City. Her work has been featured in several local LGBT publications and you may recognize her from her column, “Last Woman Standing”. She’s a fan of activism, big earrings and causing an awkward silence.
Stacey Federoff is a Sutersville, PA native, Penn State alumna, and reporter living in Park Place near Regent Square. She has written for The Daily Collegian, The Chautauquan Daily, and Trib Total Media. She loves music, vinyl records, coffee, running, and volunteerism.
Philip Ezzo, one of the tallest men in Pittsburgh, is currently a pastry cook at the Duquesne Club downtown. He has been a writer and columnist in LGBT publications for over four years. He is known for his sense of humor and charming personality. In his spare time Philip is a chapter leader with Gay for Good, Pittsburgh chapter, where he is an outreach coordinator.
Jonathan Fobear is a native of Cass City, MI. For 12 years he has been an art director branding non-profits, corporations, destinations, and city festivals. He has worked with clients as big as The Dept of Agriculture and NASA and as small as his mom & dad. Jonathan has presented branding workshops both in Pennsylvania and New York and currently resides in Pittsburgh’s South Side.
Are YOU interested in writing for Equal Magazine? Email joek@equalmagazine.com 4
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Mara Rago specializes in portraits, fine art, pets, events, model portfolios, legal, and corporate photography. She has a studio in the East End of Pittsburgh and shoots in-studio as well as on location. Photography is Mara’s life. It’s a passion. Capturing visions in her little black box is a gift and, every day, she is grateful.
Guest contributors: John Altdorfer Joe Corcoran Masha Vereshchenko Rick Sicilio
Special Thanks: Bill Chisnell Productions Danielle Falcione C.J. Mitchell Susie Franklin Lola LeCroix Michael Cannon Jake Toloso Gianni Scarpino Wedding Dresses provided by Ann Gregory for the Bride Cover photo by Mara Rago Cover concept and styling courtesy of Bill Chisnell
WITH LOVE
Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here to celebrate another step together towards full equality. History is in the making as same sex couples across our area join together in marriage. Holy matrimony! We are delighted to share stories with you in our “Gay Wedding Issue” for you to cherish and keep forever and ever. Let us join together and celebrate an issue dedicated with love as we bring you stories of wedded joy, happiness and all that mushy stuff. We honor the 19 couples who said “I DO” with Mayor Peduto on Sunday the Fifteenth of June in the city of Pittsburgh, Two Thousand and Fourteen in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Page 22. OLD traditions are tossed aside like a bouquet in a humorous look at creating change and making gay memories of our own. Page 18. NEW memories will be created with our collection of wedding venues that will be breaking tradition this season when they welcome same sex couples for congratulations and celebrations. Page 30. BORROW the advice of our travel expert and check out some friendly honeymoon destinations that will have you planning your getaway or next vacation. Page 26. BLUE because you’ve not yet met that someone special? No worries, we’ve got a way for you to cope with always being the bridesmaid and never the bride. Page 20. We’ve also brought together several other stories in this issue including many features you’ve come to love like your in-laws. Check out Hot Guy Reads a Book Pg 44 and our calendar of summer’s hottest events on page 10. Please save the dates. We look forward to continuing to break historic new ground with you and thank you for allowing the writers and staff at Equal Magazine the opportunity to share the stories that shape our community and the lives of those we love.
LGBT Visibility Everywhere Always Joe King
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WHAT PAGE IS THAT ON?
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AUG FEATURES
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Mayor Peduto makes marriage history
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Honeymoon hot spots
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LGBT-friendly wedding venues
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Soldier of Change
IN (ALMOST) EVERY ISSUE
10 Calendar 12 What’s Gay and Going on? 14 Let them eat cake 15 Top that cake 18 Five traditions that need to go away 20 Always a bridesmaid 40 Out at work with Tim Funk 42 Big Gay Map 44 Hot Guy Reads a Book 46 C.J. Mitchell makes music
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Publisher: The Delta Foundation of Pittsburgh Board Members Gary A. Van Horn Jr. President Louise F. Stutler Vice President Jim Sheppard Secretary Bart A. Rauluk Treasurer Michael G. Bartley Daniel M. Catanzaro Mary Jo Geyer Steven. R. Herforth Charles W. Honse* Patrick J. Journet William R. Kaelin* Peter J. Karlovich Charles C. Lukehart August “Buzz” C. Pusateri Brian J. Stankavich Donnie R. Thinnes* Charles P. Tierney*
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EVENTS
What’s Gay and Goin’ on? Photos by G. Michael Beigay Circle of Faith @ Market Square
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What is Butch? @ the Warhol
G2H2 @ Blue Line Grill
Lola LeCroix’s VAIN @ CAVO
LGBT Marriage Showcase @Heinz History Center
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FLAVORS
Let them eat cake By Philip Ezzo
So, the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has finally granted us the right to marry. What do we do next?! Planning a wedding can be a very stressful event, and one of the biggest wedding details many couples worry about is the wedding cake. Before talking about flavors, there is really one question that needs to be answered first and foremost. Will it be traditional or non-traditional? Will it be topsy-turvy or tiered to the ceiling? White? Multi-colored? Many times, couples are more interested in how the outside of the cake will impact their guests, rather than its taste. Traditional wedding cakes are usually three layers per tier. They are vanilla or almond flavored white cakes with some form of white buttercream in between the layers. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going this route as it has stood the test of time and has a simple elegance that many couples love. Also, there may be a concern that choosing a flavor that is out of the ordinary may push the reception guests a little too far out of their comfort zone. If this is the case, try making simple changes, perhaps to the buttercream. White chocolate buttercream would be a great flavor upgrade without sacrificing the traditional color. Perhaps adding lavender or other floral flavors to the mix would give the cake added appeal. Simple alterations to traditional cake are also an option. Adding orange or lemon zest adds a refreshing surprise and makes the cake seem less “heavy.”
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Also, studding buttercream with fresh berries can change the entire identity of the cake, but keep it relatively simple. For those with bolder intentions, a light banana cake with a salted caramel buttercream or pumpkin cake with cinnamon spice buttercream evokes nostalgic flavors that many guests would enjoy. Chocolate is also a crowd pleaser. Fudgy chocolate cake with whipped ganache between the layers is a very rich, but delicious solution for non-traditional couples. One could even kick it up a notch by using a spiced chocolate to make the ganache, giving the slice a bit of a bite.
Here are a few nontraditional examples of trendy wedding cakes: Marbled Red Velvet Cake with cream cheese buttercream Dark Chocolate Fudge Cake with whipped spiced ganache filling Banana Cake with salted caramel buttercream
Here are some guidelines that may help when choosing flavor:
Lemon Cake with vanilla buttercream studded with jam-filled raspberries
• Think about the theme of the reception. • Take into consideration the time of year that your nuptials will be taking place. • Don’t be afraid to choose something that you both enjoy. (Your guests are there to celebrate YOU, not themselves) • Ask the caterer for several tasting options. • You may be pleasantly surprised if you let their creativity run wild.
Chocolate Cake with maple bacon buttercream
With any luck, this will be the only wedding a couple experiences in their lifetime. A cake is hardly the only way to make the moment special, but delicious flavors never go out of style!
Coconut Cake with a thin layer of Key Lime curd and Rum buttercream Peanut Butter Cake with banana buttercream Chocolate Cake with mint buttercream Spiced Almond Cake with lavender or rosewater buttercream Strawberry Cake with whipped champagne ganache filling
TOP ME Arts and Crafts
That Cake
Don’t leave the pinnacle of of your cake naked as a jaybird. By Jonathan Fobear The planning, tasting, and design of your wedding cake can be a really fun mini-challenge. So after you’re done with the delicious cakes samples, wipe the ganache from your chin and let’s talk tops.
The artist website etsy.com has a lot of beautiful options for the DIY, hand-painted, hand-sculpted look. You can find clothespins, wooden pegs, and clay molds all made to look like cute wedded couples, perfect for that rustic, rugged, Instagrammed look you’re going after. Many artists also offer customizing, but we suggest you be cautious about this because some artists are more talented than others. If it’s not already pictured, there’s no guarantee what it will look like when it arrives on your doorstep. $30-$100
Facial
You want something fun and uniquely you, so why not spend the cash and get custom made cake toppers of you and spouse-to-be? Made out of hard resin that captures detailed facial features, you can also choose your shirts, pants, dress, shorts, pose, and other accessories like leather harness, wheelchair, wig and feather boa, or whatever accessory is your trademark. There are a few sites out there that offer this but wowminime.com is the clear winner. It’s just a touch of fun, and very accurate! Starts at $150
Toys Traditional
Traditional wedding cakes are classic and timeless. For those planning a wedding cake with a traditional cake topper that stays at the top but also plays down it’s prominence, you can’t go wrong with two grooms or two brides, either in ceramic, clay or wood. If you want to give it a playful spin, try searching online for two brides in tuxes or two bearded grooms in wedding gowns - see if anyone at the reception notices! $20 - $200
No, we’re not suggesting ‘those’ kinds of toys - put those back in your hiding place. For those who are still kids at heart , a fun and non-traditional idea is to get old or antique toys, glue half a popsicle stick at the bottom and stick ‘em into the top of your cake. Whether it’s two G.I. Joes, or X-men figurines, toy robots or Disney characters, your cake topper will be a hit with kids but expect your relatives to say “dat’s real diff’runt.” Some people take everything so serious. $0-$50
Animals Wordplay
Got something to say? Let’s consider language. Most craft and hobby shops have 3-D wooden or metal letters that can be glued together to make a phrase at the top of the cake. 3-D word art such as “I do,” “I love you,” both your names, “Mrs. & Mrs.,” or “Mazel Tov” are all fun text-only options. Or if you really want to be dramatic you can always go with “Til Death Do Us Part” or “Forever.” $15 - $75
Are all the gender-binary brides and grooms leaving you at a loss for gender neutral options? Never fear, furries are here! For both animal lovers and for people seeking something gender-neutral, choosing animals to don your cake kills two birds with one stone. One of our favorite shops for animals can be found at etsy.com/shop/cabin. Love birds or doves are classic. There’s also a menagerie of other animals that are roaring and clawing to be on top of your cake such as bears, unicorns, cats, bees, otters, or cubs, (or two dinosaurs if you’re feeling particularly elderly). $20 - $200
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WEDDINGS AT THE WARHOL To book your wedding at The Warhol, contact: Ryan Boyle, Special Events Manager boyler@warhol.org - 412.237.8613 or visit www.warhol.org
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WEDDING TRADITION
1.DON’T PROSTITUTE YOUR SPOUSE ON HIS/ HER WEDDING DAY
WEDDING TRADITIONS THATNEED GO TO AWAY By Michael Buzzelli
As you’re planning your wedding, you’ve probably heard heard the phrase “but it’s tradition!” like a hundred times. While some wedding traditions will never go away, we think it’s time to break some of these silly long-standing wedding traditions. Here are five famous traditions that need to go.
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In many Eastern European cultures a money dance, dollar dance, or apron dance is a requirement at the wedding reception. Basically, it’s men paying money to dance with the bride so that the happy couple has some extra cash for their honeymoon. But at a same-sex wedding, how do you determine who the “bride” is? It seems like a crass way to garner a few bucks out of guests who have already rented tuxes, bought gowns, and picked up something from your Nordstrom’s gift registry. Ditch the dance!
2. CHOKE THE CHICKEN DANCE The money dance isn’t the only dance that needs to go. It seems the Chicken Dance is played at every wedding, at least here is Western Pennsylvania. Sure it’s fun to see your Aunt Edna’s flabby arms flapping away, and watching little Devon trying to push his thumb into his index finger to simulate a squawking beak, but maybe it’s time for the DJ to retire a few of those tired old songs. There are plenty of new songs waiting to be played. Maybe we need some Lady Gaga up in here. P.S. to Mr. DJ: Take “We are Family” by Sister Sledge with you. That song is so old it should be carbon dated.
3. THE TOSSING OF THE GARTER AND BOUQUET This pair of rituals has long been the scourge of the modern wedding guest. What could possibly be more humiliating than being forced out to the center of a parquet dance floor while a wedding DJ advertises your lack of a partner and then being expected to further demonstrate your desperation by diving for flying flowers? Wait ...Yup, we can top that. How about grasping in the air for a lacy piece of undergarment that until moments ago resided uncomfortably close to the crotch of the bride? At any other point in time, that would make you a total perv, so why is it acceptable at a wedding? It used to be that after the bride and groom said, “I do” they were to go immediately into a nearby room, “close the deal” and consummate the marriage. Obviously, to really make it official, there would need to be witnesses, which basically led to hordes of wedding guests crowding around the bed, pushing and shoving to get a good view and hopefully to get their hands on a lucky piece of the bride’s dress as it was ripped from her body. In time, people realized that this was all a bit, well, creepy, and it was decided that for modesty’s sake the bride could toss her bouquet as a diversion as she made her getaway and the groom could simply remove an item of the bride’s undergarments and then toss it back outside to the waiting throngs to prove that he was about to, uh, get ‘er done.
5. CUT THE COOKIE TABLE It might be sacrilegious to take the Cookie Table away from Pittsburghers, but it may have run past its prime. Originally, the Cookie Table started with poor immigrant Italian families who couldn’t afford the exorbitant price of a wedding cake. Instead, the Italians corralled their aunts into slave labor. Every auntie made a few batches of cookies and brought them to the wedding. Now, we have cookie tables AND cake. Maybe we don’t need all that sugar in one place. Maybe it’s time to offer our guests some healthier alternatives to cookies and cake.
4. BURN THE UGLY BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES We’ve all seen them…the hoop skirts, the puffy sleeves, the garish colors. The earliest tradition in bridesmaid fashion involved dressing the bridesmaids exactly the same as the bride. As with many older traditions, the idea was that by setting up look-alikes, any troublesome spirits in the area could not fixate on the bride. That custom gave way in Victorian times to dressing bridesmaids in white dresses but with short veils, to contrast with the bride’s voluminous veiling and train system. When society’s fears of evil spirits subsided and commercial dyes became more available, those first hideous dresses made their appearance in lime green, harvest gold, tangerine, and fuchsia.
Okay. Maybe I went too far with that Cookie Table. But just remember, it’s your wedding and you get to make it your own.
We don’t need to insult our best friends by making them wear the ugliest thing we can find. They’re expensive and, in most cases, they can never be worn again. Keep your friends, and ditch the dresses.
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COLD FEET
ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID… By Chrissy Costa On the morning of May 20th, I, along with many friends anxiously awaited the ruling from the U.S. District Court in regard to the ban on marriage equality. When news broke that the ban was struck down we rushed to rally in the streets of Shadyside. After hours of tearjerking speeches, heart-warming stories and a public marriage proposal, the streets turned from celebratory mode to party mode. And what self-respecting gay doesn’t jump at the opportunity to display some public affection with the possibility of some lovin’ and /or a piggyback ride? And that’s just the lesbians. It was quite a magical evening.
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On the morning of May 21st, I, along with many friends awoke after a night of celebrating with an entirely different point of view. A wave of “OMG, shit just got real!” rushed over us. And by us, I mean me. The idea of getting married instilled such a panic within me that I called a friend to discuss my future. I divulged my fear of being trapped in a bad marriage and losing half of everything I own. My friend gently calmed me down, reminding me that I’m not even in a relationship and that I really don’t own anything. Still, nobody gets half of my cupcakes and scarf collection that easily. I’ll admit that my favorite part of a wedding is that moment when every couple stands in front of each other and begins to say their vowels. It’s the most romantic and vulnerable
expression of love I’ve ever witnessed and I get choked up, every time. One time I shed a tear. Sometimes I envision myself up there and wonder what it would be like. But then I remember there’s an open bar with a myriad of cookies at the reception and that at any time I can make love to as many people as I want. And then I blow bubbles with everyone else as the newlyweds exit the church. Don’t get me wrong, I love love and consider myself a hopeless romantic. I won’t even partake in the #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday) posts as I believe there should be no one made to feel more beautiful than the one you’re with. I also believe that if you’re not making your partner feel like she’s the only one in the room, then someone else will. I’ve just
not been one to trust that a piece of paper guaranteed anything. If it did I’d have pulled out the note I’ve kept in my wallet from the woman who promised to love me forever. She wrote it down on paper and according to my watch, forever isn’t over so why is she now married to someone else? In fact, I’ve watched several women whom I once loved and who once promised eternity with me move on to marry others. I’m either really easy to get over or they really wanted to be someone’s wife. Or maybe it was something I said. Perhaps I’m too independent, or maybe I’ve grown a little cynical. I see it every day via social media so I know I’m not alone here. Everyone wants to be loved and to matter but nobody is communicating genuine emotions anymore. We’ll quote love but we’re not living in it. I suppose we’re all part of a society that’s learned to take the easy way out. Instead of working on things when they get tough, we bail. We divorce the idea of something before we’re engaged in it. Some of us are stuck in our pasts; attached to painful memories of loss and unrequited love, making it impossible to be open to love again. And some of us are just plain bitter (cough). I have friends that fear marriage solely because they don’t want to turn into their parents. I, myself, have an irrational fear of clowns and green beans. My worst nightmare would be to come home to a clown holding a tub of green beans. But if given the choice to be married for the rest of my life or to coexist with the clown you better believe I’d sit down with that clown and that pan of green beans and I’d make some peace.
simply wasn’t ready for that level of commitment. Now I have the freedom to do so and who knows, maybe I’ll Liza Minnelli my way around, dancing and collecting wives. Deep down I want to believe that she’s still out there; “the one,” the game changer, the one who could turn it all around and make me believe in it again. We all deserve that. Or maybe Morgan Freeman said it best when he said, “Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild.” No matter where you are in your love life, marriage equality is a huge victory for all of us and I am ecstatic for my friends and everyone who can now legally “become one” with the love of their life. Congratulations to those of you who have waited so long for this moment. And godspeed to those of you who will “Britney Spears” us into the mainstream. xo
Facebook: /animalrescuelg Twitter: @animalrescuelg Join the conversation: #ARLSavesLives
PS: We’re not certain Morgan Freeman actually said that but how awesome would it sound if he did?!
I realize now that I hid behind the falsity that I would only marry if it was legal when in reality I
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THE MARRYING TYPE
Saying I Do
By: Stacey Federoff Photos by Paul Sinnett
Mayor Peduto makes history
The decision on May 20 by a federal judge to strike down Pennsylvania’s ban on same-sex marriage has changed the course for many LGBT couples across the state. For 19 couples who were the first to get married on June 15 by Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto, the day was particularly special. “It was an honor to preside over such a meaningful and historic ceremony,” the mayor said in an email. “Throughout the 198-year history of the City of Pittsburgh, that moment had never been possible before. From the time the ruling was announced, I knew that I wanted the marriage of an LGBT couple to be the first I officiated as mayor.”
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With Pittsburgh Pride happening less than 30 days from the ruling, it “just made sense” to perform the ceremony that weekend. Details for this special event were led by Sean Gray of Sean Gray International.
Some of the couples who took part in that first day shared their stories, all of which included joy, love and appreciation for the city of Pittsburgh.
“I have supported marriage equality throughout my career and am very pleased say that the Mayor’s Office doors are now open to honor all marriages,” he said. “Welcome to the new Pittsburgh.”
At first, Cindy Neitz and Christine Allen wanted to get married by a mayor or justice of the peace as a practical matter.
The mayor’s office recently announced plans to set aside one day per month to field the hundreds of requests Peduto has received to officiate ceremonies.
CINDY NEITZ and CHRISTINE ALLEN
The couple met in 1996 after “bumping into each other with friends,” Cindy says. Since then, they’ve bought a house and have lived together in Sewickley since 2001. “I hope that I’m the last generation that thinks marriage was not an option,” Christine, 48,
says, adding that in the past, the couple had even considered moving to New York or Canada. “I didn’t think it would ever be real.”
intimate yet public event, left the pair humbled and honored to have taken part in it, Christine says.
Christine reached out to Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto’s office.
“He has a real way of making everyone feel comfortable,” she says. “He was marrying us. At no time did we feel like another tick on the list.”
“I thought of calling Mayor Peduto right away, he’s such an ally, a longtime ally,” she says. The couple also received a hearty response from Sewickley Mayor Brian Jeffe. “Torn between two mayors, it was a very unusual thing.” Ultimately, the group ceremony appealed to them. Christine says she wasn’t nervous until that morning. From the time they arrived at the City-County building that morning, through the personalized ceremony with the mayor, and the catered reception at the Fairmount Hotel, Christine says the entire day was joyous. The work of the mayor and his staff – all on volunteer time – to plan and execute such an
Christine says she knows there’s more work to be done for equality with the state antidiscrimination bill stuck in legislation, but she owes the day to all those who have come before her working toward marriage equality. “Pittsburgh is a wonderful place,” she says. “It wasn’t until the day of that I understood the enormity and the symbolism of it.”
SAMEER SAMUDRA and AMIT GOKHALE Originally from India, Sameer Samudra and Amit Gokhale have adopted Pittsburgh as a second home after Columbus, Indiana, where they have been together for 11 years after meeting on an online dating website.
“We are very proud of who we are, including out ethnicity and our heritage,” says Sameer, 40, which is why the pair decided to wear sherwani jackets, traditional dress for formal occasions and grooms in India. While same-sex marriage is not yet recognized in Indiana, friends suggested the couple should get married in Pittsburgh, where they visit often, says Amit, 37. “We never really thought we could get married any time soon,” he says. “(The city) really opened their hearts for this occasion.” Following the ceremony, the couple joined with the other 18 couples to march in the Pride March, where Amit says he could feel a strong sense of community that was celebratory and inspiring. “I could see (the marchers) were equally happy to see us married and happy,” he says.
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Sameer says since then, the significance of being married legally has really made a difference in their relationship. “For me, the most important thing is I have equal rights in whatsoever way as any other couple,” he says. “I introduce him as my husband and that document gives me that authority … it took our relationship to the next level.”
KARLA and TERRY COWDEN-BOLSTER
a big deal about our wedding, but our wedding was a big deal.” The couple, who met in college at Slippery Rock University but started dated years later, had a commitment ceremony in Provincetown, Mass., in 1995, but still wanted to get married in their home state. “Just to finally say we’re equal … I wanted to be equal, that’s all,” says Terry, 47.
After being together 21 years, Karla and Terry Cowden-Bolster of Beechview had never before been to Pittsburgh Pride, but are glad they can count this year’s event as particularly special.
The pair were particularly excited to have their two adult children and three living parents there to witness the ceremony with Terry particularly proud to have Karla’s parents participate alongside them in the march.
“We never wanted anything big, we never wanted anything that was going to bring a lot of attention to ourselves, but it just happened that way,” says Karla, 48. “It wasn’t like we made
“They’ve always been very accepting of me, but they’re older … that was a real treat, it was special, it certainly was,” she says.
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Karla says the celebration was “impeccable,” with each couple able to take home a twotiered cake for themselves mimicking a much larger cake decorated at the Fairmount. “It was amazing,” she says. “Honestly, when I called I didn’t care if I was the first couple or the 100th, it didn’t matter to us, it was really something, they did a splendid job.” The mayor’s office now plans to set aside one day per month to field the other requests Peduto has received to officiate ceremonies. The day will vary depending on the number of requests and the mayor’s schedule, but sameand opposite-sex couples will be welcome with guests if interested.
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TRAVEL
Top LGBT Honeymoon Hot Spots By Rick Sicilio Since DOMA was overturned in June 2013, there has been a dynamic increase in gay weddings. Partners are taking advantage of being able to legally make that lifetime commitment to marry in over 18 countries. Many LGBT individuals may be surprised that corporations that may be considered ‘conservative,’ like Marriott, wholeheartedly market to this segment often in the context of honeymoons. There’s also been a sea change in where gays travel; gay-owned hotels and traditional gay 26
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destinations are no longer the primary draw. Places like Wales, Uruguay, and Bora-Bora are all beautiful and rarefied and now also offer gay marriage and anti-discrimination laws that can put same-sex couples at ease. After all, LGBT honeymooners want to be able to hold hands or exchange a kiss on the beach like everyone else. Every traveler, no matter what sexual orientation, gender, or race, should expect a certain level of service, and honeymoon venues are no exception. Honeymoon destinations are now more accepting and welcoming of gay and
lesbian couples. However, be sure to do your own research that includes activities, location, price and amenities, in order to plan the perfect trip to celebrate the beginning of your new life together as Mr. and Mr. or Mrs. and Mrs. More weddings, naturally, mean more honeymoons, and here’s our overview of the top gay-friendly honeymoon destinations that will fit any interest and any budget.
Switzerland
The Swiss acceptance of all walks of life is a model for emerging gay-friendly countries. The French-speaking Romandie lures honeymooners with more than 40 13,000-feet-plus peaks, a thriving wine culture, its native dish of fondue—plus biking, swimming, skiing, and Alpine hikes to burn off the calories. You’ll find the cozy wine bar/inn Le Bourg 7 amid the cobblestoned streets of the Lavaux wine region, where terraces dangle down steep hills into cerulean Lake Léman.
Buenos Aires
Argentina, known for its art, cuisine, and bold Malbec wines from the Mendoza region, legalized same-sex marriage in 2010 and remains one of the most affordable destinations in the Americas. Start in the sultry capital of Buenos Aires, where the Art Hotel—a 1929 townhouse conveniently located between the barrios of Recoleta and Barrio Norte—doubles as a gallery space devoted to contemporary art. Ornate ironwork and canopy beds add an old-world romantic flair to the otherwise modern property. Be sure to check out the local artwork in each of the 36 rooms.
Australia
Popular LGBT films like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and Muriel’s Wedding combined with Sydney’s vibrant gay scene, have made Australia a must among gay travelers. The varied sun-scorched landscape of vineyards, outback desert, open-minded cities, and the Great Barrier Reef have an undeniable lure for honeymooners seeking an active, multi-faceted vacation. Many boutique hotels are located in the vibrant Rocks District—walking distance from the Harbour Bridge and the iconic Sydney Opera House.
United Kingdom
It’s not just London—Manchester, Brighton, Bournemouth, and the Cotswolds have sizable gay populations too, and gay marriage is legal across the UK. It can be especially rewarding to explore England’s hillside hamlets, where car-free, “walkabout honeymoons” have become fashionable. The terrain is ideal in Somerset (two hours by train from Bournemouth or Brighton), where sheep-dotted hills, cider barns, friendly village pubs, and glittery, starlit skies are worth the trek.
Cape Town
South Africa is the sole African country that recognizes same-sex marriage. By turns rugged and urbane, Cape Town offers fine dining, scenic drives, surfing, penguins, and proximity to gorgeous wine country. It’s also a sanctuary for LGBT travelers. Honeymooning guests of Cape Grace are treated to daily gifts like bottles of Stellenbosch bubbly and handmade chocolates. The hotel’s online honeymoon registry allows friends and family to pay for the couple’s activities ahead of time.
St. Bart’s
Although many Caribbean islands continue to tackle homophobia, sizzling St. Bart’s—a French overseas territory—is a notable exception and has even legalized gay marriage. The très chic, laissez-faire island has long been favored by A-list gays like Marc Jacobs, Ellen DeGeneres, and Portia de Rossi for activities like eating, drinking, sleeping and frolicking in the sky-blue water on any the island’s 27 sparkling white-sand beaches.
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Spain
In 2005, Spain became the third country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage. Its rich LGBT heritage includes artists as varied as designer Cristóbal Balenciaga, poet Federico García Lorca, and filmmaker Pedro Almodóvar, who is inspired by the streets of Madrid and Barcelona. Barcelona’s warm and modernist Hotel Omm is in the fashionable Paseo de Gràcia district, with a rooftop pool offering Gaudí views galore. Pair it with a visit to the nearby seaside town of Sitges, which ranks No. 1 for gay travelers in Spain for its mix of Gaudí culture, great dining, clubs, and art.
Providence
Las Vegas French Polynesia
Thanks to a winning formula of soft white-sand beaches, vanilla plantations, coconut groves, crystal clear waters, and some of the world’s sexiest hotels, this honeymoon favorite truly delivers regardless of your sexuality. At Le Méridien Bora Bora, over-water bungalows feature glass floors to reveal the marine life below while windows face Pahia and Otemanu, the island’s iconic emerald-hued volcanoes. Since French Polynesia is a territory of France, the country has granted LGBT travelers full protection status since June 2013, and same-sex marriage is recognized and performed here.
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Certainly, Vegas has nailed the “loud” part of loud and proud, and having its own gay rodeo association is good proof of the proud part, too. Several Strip hotels go out of their way to cater to gay guests: the Wynn and Encore, for instance, have “pride concierges,” and the Luxor holds LGBT pool parties every Sunday during the summer.
Honolulu
This mellow New England town, whose gay former mayor, David Cicilline now serves in Congress—ranks well with voters for being artsy, offbeat, and safe. In downtown’s multiuse space AS220, you’ll find gay bar The Stable, while a longtime favorite, Mira Bar, recently reopened in a new location on Elbow Street. The city was also voted the No. 1 base for side trips— such as Cape Cod’s Provincetown, which may be America’s most gayfriendly small town and is about two hours away.
The island city must make all comers feel welcome: it ranks near the top for romance and Valentine’s Day visits as well as for being a great place to bring the kids. One gay-friendly hotel caters to both the stroller set and the singles scene: the Sheraton Waikiki, with its huge water playground, makes a point of welcoming gay families and, on the last Sunday evening of every month, throws an LGBT oceanfront dance party called Phoenix Sunday.
San Francisco
The first iconic rainbow flag was raised here in 1978, and the Castro District has remained, for many, the epicenter of American gay culture. You can learn more about the movement at the GLBT History Museum, or have some history with your happy hour at the Twin Peaks Tavern, the first “out” gay bar. Or, just enjoy the fabulous weekly brunch-and-show, “Sunday’s a Drag,” at the Sir Francis Drake Hotel. No surprise, the city also ranked near the top for its fabulous sense of style.
New Orleans
San Diego
The arts community, as well as that laissez le bon temps rouler mind-set, has long created a happily unconventional environment in the Crescent City; a calendar that emphasizes festivals, parades, and flamboyant costumes sure doesn’t hurt. While many cities hold their Pride weekends in June, New Orleans’ annual Southern Decadence festival (sometimes dubbed “the gay Mardi Gras”) happens on Labor Day weekend. While the French Quarter and the Marigny may have the most gay bars, the city ranked first in the survey for live music, people-watching, and an overall sense of pride.
Who doesn’t love a man in uniform? This beach city is a heady combination of strapping military folks, surfers, and sunshine. Hillcrest has traditionally been the gay neighborhood (in 2012 a street there was renamed Harvey Milk), although neighboring restaurant-packed North Park has expanded the terrain. San Diego also has a burgeoning rep as a craft beer mecca; check out the Hillcrest Brewing Co., which bills itself as America’s first gay brewery.
New York City
The Big Apple is the king of diversity, so much so that the vibrant LGBT community may not be the first thing visitors notice. While the West Village (site of the Stonewall Inn, where riots infamously broke out in 1969) has long been Manhattan’s gay neighborhood, much of the gay community is partying a little farther uptown these days. Hell’s Kitchen offers clubs such as BPM (formerly XL Nightclub), plus the so-called “straight-friendly” hotel OUT NYC, which has both a spa and wedding spaces.
After all of the effort and organization that goes into planning the perfect wedding, you and your love deserve rest, relaxation and the romantic experience of a lifetime for your honeymoon. For travel recommendations, please visit TRIPSandCRUISES.com, contact RSicilio@TRIPSandCRUISES.com or call 800-411-8747.
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V is for Venue
Photo courtesy of Pittsburgh Parks Conservancy/(c)Brody Stewart Studio Inc.
FEATURE
By Joe Corcoran
Pittsburgh Wedding Venues Welcome Same-Sex Couples
Marriage is arguably the most significant form of expression of one’s love to another. It is the epitome of a relationship and the start of a new chapter in one’s life. An event as important as this deserves to be perfect in every way and unfortunately, as recently as mid-July, a lesbian couple in Lackawanna County were refused service at their choice venue for their reception. After some extensive research, we’re happy to 3 0
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report that there are lots of welcoming locations in Western Pennsylvania for same-sex couples. Working with same-sex couples is nothing new to event planners, and many have been hosting commitment ceremonies long before the May 20 ruling. Ron Gallagher, general manager at the Edgewood Club, has nearly a decade of experience accommodating same-sex couples. “At the Edgewood Club, we’re honored to
assist you, your family and friends,” Gallagher said. “Whether your style is larger than life or quietly elegant; we welcome you to celebrate at the Club.” Seven Springs Mountain resort joins the Edgewood Club as the only two responding venues that actually advertise same-sex weddings on its websites. Heather Massolini and Sami Finseth, a samesex couple from Brighton Heights, witnessed
the accepting and hospitable character of Pittsburgh’s venues firsthand. The couple held their commitment ceremony at the Children’s Museum last September and was so pleased that they rated the venue five stars. “We fell in love with [the special events manager] and then we fell in love with the venue,” Massolini said. “They were wonderful!” Even prior to settling with the museum, Massolini and Finseth never ran into trouble with any of the venues they inquired about. “Everybody we talked to was really open,” Massolini recalled. Jenna Shuknecht, special events manager at the Children’s Museum echoed Massolini’s sentiment. “Whether it’s a same-sex or an opposite-sex couple, every wedding we host is special,” Shuknecht said. “We welcome everybody.” For couples whose wedding wishes extend beyond the realm of ordinary and into the extraordinary, perhaps a grandiose mansion, a medieval castle or a historic television studio will satiate your desires. The Mansions on Fifth, a turn-of-the-century luxurious hotel located in Shadyside is nothing short of lavish. Its riches lie not only in its Grand Hall featuring expansive stained glass windows and a staircase reminiscent of a scene from Titanic, but also in its passion for boundless love. Mary Del Brady, owner and general manager of the venue, lit up with excitement when asked about hosting same-sex weddings. “The Mansions on Fifth supports and celebrates the LGBT community and is proud to be one of the first venues in the city to be able to celebrate same-sex weddings,” Brady said. “We are delighted to be a part of this monumental and historic step in our history!” Unfortunately, not all venues in the Pittsburgh area are as welcoming. The Crystal Conservatories in Gibsonia said they would not offer their business to same-sex couples due to their Christian roots, and the Camelot Banquet Hall in Warrendale also initially said no, but then hesitated to give a final answer. Further calls to the venue went unanswered. In contrast, Destiny Hill Farms, a 137-acre lavender and flower farm located in Washington, PA is wide open. Mimi York, events coordinator at the farm said that because of its popularity, Destiny Hill is already booked through its 2015 season, but will start reserving spaces for its 2016 season soon, and all are welcome. “We welcome all couples in love that want to celebrate,” York said. If you’d like the outdoorsy setting without having to drive away from the city, consider holding your wedding in one of Pittsburgh’s parks. “Schenley Plaza in Oakland and the newly renovated Mellon Square downtown are two of the more popular park locations for weddings,” said Scott Roller, Senior Manager of Marketing and Communications at the Pittsburgh Parks Conservancy. Other wedding venues like the Heinz History Center and Warhol Museum stand together throughout the Greater Pittsburgh area with open arms, as the loud majority in support of limitless marriage. As Pittsburgh’s LGBT couples join together on their special days, it will indeed be a celebration – a celebration of lifelong love and happiness, fortified resilience and courage, equality and solidarity heard throughout Pennsylvania.
Sixty businesses in the region were randomly chosen and contacted about whether or not they would solicit service to same-sex couples if asked to hold a wedding reception in their location. Of the 60, 57 responded, 55 affirming that they would host, and in some cases have already hosted same-sex wedding receptions.
Hampton Banquet Hall Gibsonia hamptonbanquethall.com Landry’s at the Grand Concourse Station Square muer.com The Lamplighter Delmont thelamplighterdelmont.com Le Mont Restaurant Mount Washington lemontpittsburgh.com Mars VFW Post 7505 Mars 724-625-1910
Banquet Halls, Restaurants, and Fire Halls
Monterey Bay Fish Grotto Mount Washington montereybayfishgrotto.com
Bella Sera Canonsburg bellaserapgh.com
Parkview VFW Social Hall O’Hara Twp. parkviewvfw.org
The Boiler Room South Hills theboilerroompgh.com
The Pennsylvanian downtown Pittsburgh thepennsylvanian.com
St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Cathedral Oakland stnickspgh.com
Shakespeare’s Restaurant and Pub Ellwood City shakespearsrestaurant.com
Cefalo’s Banquet and Event Center Carnegie clubcefalo.com
Springwood Conference Center Verona springwood.org
Circuit Center and Ballroom South Side flutedmushroom.com/circuitcenter
Syria Shrine Cheswick syriashriners.org
The Chadwick Wexford chadwickevents.com
The Studio on Fifth Oakland wqed.org/about/thestudioonfifth
Engine House 25 Lawrenceville enginehouse25.com
Barns, Farms and the Great Outdoors Armstrong Farms Saxonburg armstrongfarms.com
Gateway Hall Fire Department Monroeville gatewayhall.com
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courtesy Phipps Conservatory and Botanical Gardens.
The Barn at Fallingwater Mill Run fallingwater.org
DoubleTree by Hilton downtown Pittsburgh doubtree.hilton.com/Pittsburgh
Destiny Hill Farms Washington destinyhillfarm.com
Omni William Penn Hotel downtown Pittsburgh omnihotels.com/Pittsburgh
Gateway Clipper Fleet South Side gatewayclipper.com
Omni Bedford Springs Resort Bedford omnihotels.com/bedfordsprings
National Aviary North Shore aviary.org
Grand Hall at The Priory Hotel North Side thepriory.org
Phipps Conservatory and Botanical Gardens Oakland phipps.conservatory.org
Morning Glory Inn South Side gloryinn.com
Pittsburgh Parks Conservancy Schenley Plaza & Mellon Square pittsburgparks.org Succop Conservancy Butler aswp.org
Hotels and Inns
The Crystal and Terrace Rooms Days Inn Butler crystalroombutler.com 32
Pittsburgh Airport Marriott Coraopolis marriott.com Renaissance Hotel downtown Pittsburgh renaissancepittsburghpa.com Rizzo’s Malabar Inn Crabtree rizzosmalabarinn.com Seasons Reception Center Comfort Inn
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Churchill comfortinnpittsburgh.com
Station Square sheraton.com/Pittsburgh
Seven Springs Mountain Resort Seven Springs 7springs.com
Tara – A Country Inn Clark tara-inn.com
Sheraton Pittsburgh Airport Coraopolis sheraton.com/pittsburghairport
Wyndham Grand Pittsburgh downtown Pittsburgh wyndham.com/pittsburgh. wyndham
Sheraton Pittsburgh
Brackenridge Heights Natrona Heights brackenridgeheights.com Buhl Mansion Sharon buhlmansion.com Christian Klay Winery Chalk Hill cwklaywinery.com Edgewood Country Club Edgewood eccgolf.com Mansions on Fifth Shadyside mansionsonfifth.com
The Mansion at Maple Heights Shadyside mansionmapleheights.com
Shannopin Country Club North Hills shannopincc.org South Hills Country Club South Hills southillscc.org
Museums
Andy Warhol Museum North Side warhol.og Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh Oakland carnegiemuseums.org Heinz History Center Strip District heinzhistorycenter.org
S
S
Mansions and Country Clubs
s
ame tyle
™
SameStyle™ is a retail shopping venue based in Pittsburgh that sells jewelry, household goods, clothing accessories, gift items, greeting cards, & celebration items styled for same gender couples & their families. Our merchandise is tasteful & elegant. The SameStyle™ store provides a comfortable shopping environment for same gender couples & customers looking for gift items. We can customize our merchandise with your own words or image.
Contact us: joy@SameStyleStore.com Visit us on-line at www.SameStyleStore.com www.facebook.com/samestylestore Instagram: SameStyleStore
Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh Northside pittsburghkids.org
Sewickley Heights Golf Club Sewickley shgc.org
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READING
Major Stephen Synder-Hill:
A SOLDIER of Change Major Stephen Synder-Hill serves his country proudly, but his country has not always served him. In September, 2011, then-Captain Hill was deployed to Iraq. He was fighting a war. Meanwhile in the United States, a group of Republican candidates were discussing the future of America. In Florida, at the Orange County Convention Center, these prospective presidents gathered for a debate. They took questions from the audience, and from a large video screen. Thousands of miles away, Captain Hill, stood up and spoke into the camera to the American audience. He addressed the men from Iraq. Hill said, “In 2010, when I was deployed to Iraq, I had to lie about who I was because I’m
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a gay soldier and I didn’t want to lose my job. My question is, under one of your presidencies, do you intend to circumvent the progress that’s been made for gay and lesbian soldiers in the military?” The crowd reacted poorly. Hill was booed on live television. The question was fielded to former U.S. Senator Rick Santorum. Santorum responded by saying, “Sexual activity has no place in the military. Allowing gays to serve openly ‘undermines’ America’s ability to defend itself.” The audience that jeered Hill, cheered Santorum.
By Mike Buzzelli
Hill (now Synder-Hill after marrying his partner Josh Synder) remembers the moment vividly. It’s seared into his brain as if he was branded by a white hot poker. Synder-Hill said, “The boos didn’t bother me as much as [former U.S. Senator Rick] Santorum’s response. This man, who has never served a day in his life, reduced my honorable twentyfive years as a good soldier into just sex.” After Synder-Hill’s public admission on a live television, the army sent out a Public Affairs Officer to speak with him. Synder-Hill said, “He was supposed to only spend two hours with me, but we spent the day together.” Synder-Hill confessed to the officer about
his difficulty of lying to the men he had sworn to stand by. He had to hide pictures of his boyfriend. He replaced a screensaver picture of Josh with a picture of a lesbian friend. He had to change the pronouns (from ‘he’ to ‘she’) whenever he told a story. Synder-Hill said, “The constitution contains the phrase, ‘Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.’ I felt like I was fighting for other people’s freedom but I wasn’t fighting for my own.”
Officer, the officer admitted to him his own son had just come out of the closet. The officer had found solace in Synder-Hill’s words.
Synder-Hill said, “The army values contain the words honor, integrity and courage. I was using my army values to do what I thought was right.”
It was quite a ruckus. While Synder-Hill was stationed in Iraq to serve the rest of his tour of duty, his statement was causing a commotion stateside. Media ran with it. Jon Stewart joked about it. Aaron Sorkin used the entire clip on an
After he related his story to the Public Affairs
The major said, “He [the Public Affairs Officer] encouraged me to write it down.” The story became a book. Synder-Hill said, “I had no intention of writing a book.” He added, “Josh and I never planned to create all this ruckus.”
episode of “Newsroom,” praising the soldier and admonishing the Republican candidates with an eloquent speech from the show’s main character played by Jeff Daniels. Television and film star George Takei was so moved by the episode of the HBO drama series that he wrote the forward. In June, 2014, Takei and his husband Brad Altman were grand marshals of Columbus Pride. Takei and Altman invited the Synder-Hills (grand marshals of the Columbus Pride in 2013) to participate with them. Major Synder-Hill said, “In every press event,
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Amy Ann Photography
“THE CONSTITUTION CONTAINS THE PHRASE, ‘LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.’ I FELT LIKE I WAS FIGHTING FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S FREEDOM BUT I WASN’T FIGHTING FOR MY OWN.”
George mentioned my book. It was amazing.” A lot of good has come out of being lacerated at the Republican Debate. The major said, “The booing was a good thing. Some Republicans came to me and told me they were ashamed about how members of their own party reacted. They were disgusted by the booing.” Major Synder-Hill is eagerly anticipating his book launch. The soldier believes the book is a coming out story from the point of view of a gay man who lived in a heterosexual world. It was the first time he put his thoughts about his secret life as a gay soldier into words. The major said, “My mom proofread the book for me. She said she never thought about how much I struggled. My mom said, ‘This book is your gift to the world.’” 3 6
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She isn’t the only one proud of the American soldier. His husband Josh Synder-Hill said, “He’s my personal hero and I know this book will show the country how amazing of a man he is. It’s going to open hearts and minds.” “Soldier of Change: From the Closet to the Forefront of the Gay Rights Movement” by Stephen Synder-Hill is available September 1.
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A Leap of Faith
We boarded the plane. I sat down and closed my eyes. I looked down at my watch, December 4, 2010, 22:16. Could this be happening again? My mind was like a film projector, flickering back and forth between thoughts—my first deployment to Iraq twenty years ago for Desert Storm, my boyfriend Josh, my parents, my brother, my pets—then back to Josh. We had been dating only a few months, but I knew this was the person I wanted to spend my life with. We’d had to say goodbye underneath an escalator, where no one could see us. Knowing I was leaving for war, knowing I might not ever see him again, I held him tighter than I’d ever held anyone. All around us husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, hugged and kissed each other in plain sight, without secrecy, without shame. Josh and I wiped our tears dry and left our hideout in opposite directions so people didn’t notice. This is the real face of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” A voice on the loudspeaker shot me back to the present moment: “Ladies and Gentlemen, your in-flight movie is going to be Brokeback Mountain.” Everyone burst into laughter. I sat there, hurt and speechless. I was headed to Iraq, to live with these people for an entire year, and they were sitting here mocking me, but they didn’t even know it. These people were now my family; they were the only thing I had as I left everything else behind. Words can’t express the emptiness of leaving everyone you love to go to war, knowing that your new family feels this
way about you (or people like you). Just the other morning, I’d had to listen to them break out in song about some guy taking it up the butt. Didn’t they know there could be someone on that plane who was gay or had a gay child or gay friends? Then again, why worry when you have a law that backs you? “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was their green light to bully me. I looked around again at all those people laughing. I felt cold and empty, and that was not from knowing I was headed off to a war. When we landed to refuel, I got off the plane to call Josh. I told him I didn’t think I could make it. He calmed me down, even though hearing his voice made me more homesick. While waiting to reboard, I saw a guy walking around snapping pictures of people. It seemed innocent enough. He was attempting to make people feel good, to get everyone’s mind off of our reality. He then aimed the camera at me, and the guy next to me said, “Smile and say homo.” At that point I actually felt like God hated me. I wondered if I had done something horrible to someone and this was my karma. All these antigay things happening one right after another was like a cruel joke. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I was seconds from exploding and telling everyone that this was rude, that there might be people on the plane who had gay family members. But I didn’t. I stayed quiet, just as I had for twenty years. I guess I was saving it for later. It’s not like I wasn’t used to tolerating this stuff, but it was always in little doses. I would go to our battle assemblies for two days each month and come home exhausted, like I had just run a marathon dodging little hate comments. Now I was facing more than four hundred days of having to live this lie twenty-four hours a day. It is impossible to make someone who is not gay or has never been discriminated against understand what I was feeling. I’d say it’s similar to white people not being able to understand what it’s like to be treated differently for being black, but the analogy doesn’t work because people can 2 A LEAP OF FAITH
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see your skin color, so despite whatever prejudice they have, most likely they wouldn’t aim a camera in your face and say, “Smile, you nigger!” It is an awful feeling to be invisible, to have people assume you’re straight, so their behavior is acceptable. The end of December in Iraq quickly approached, and the politics were heating up in Washington. The repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (dadt) had just been voted in. It then took from late December 2010 until mid-July 2011 for the government to determine that the repeal would have no effect on fighting forces. The government’s primary concern was for the welfare of soldiers in the field (meaning straight soldiers at war), but no one was considering how the repeal would affect people like me (also at war). The repeal date was finally set for September 20, 2011. Each day it came closer, a freedom that I could never have imagined emerged. I didn’t realize how much anger had built up inside of me until it was all about to be over. One evening I watched an interview with Michelle Bachmann on tv. When asked if she would reinstate dadt, without hesitation she answered, “Yes, I would.” This woman sat before my eyes, never having served in the military a day in her life, saying she would ban me from serving my country. And here I was in Iraq, in the middle of a war. It was like the Titanic had just been saved from the iceberg, but Michelle Bachmann was down in the bottom of the ship with a corkscrew. She had no explanation for her comment; she just made it a personal mission, a vendetta, to reinstate this horrible law. I had read the stories about her husband’s clinic to help people “pray the gay away.” This terrified me. Could someone with such extreme intolerance and hate actually become the most powerful person in the United States of America? Where might this end? Could a kkk member also become the president? America is founded on pride in the diversity of our people. What A LEAP OF FAITH 3
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happens when someone who leads our wonderful nation has deep-rooted hate for a particular group of people? I woke up on the morning of September 20 and had this simple thought: I am safe. I don’t have to accept anyone saying ignorant things around me anymore. I don’t have to worry someone will see me holding Josh’s hand anymore. I don’t have to ever hide another fucking picture in my own house anymore. It was like being a pow for forty years, having someone unlock the door, then stepping outside to feel sunlight on your face. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I started waving a rainbow flag wherever I went. I just went about my day as I always had done. I was a soldier just like before, but now I was a soldier who no longer had to worry about losing his job, losing his retirement, losing everything he had worked over twenty years to build. I saw on the Internet that some people were planning on coming out instantly, but I kept thinking about what Bachmann had said about reinstating “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” I started wondering if this was just another trap for gay people. We will give you freedom, let you come out, then reinstate the ban and kick you all out. Tease you with a taste of equality and then rip it right out of your gay hands. It must have been fate that I saw a commercial around that time on Fox News for the upcoming Republican primary debate, scheduled for September 22, 2011. The commercial said you could submit a question via video, and it just might make it into a final pool that would be aired live. It started out like a fantasy, the frightened child who envisions standing up to the bully while everyone cheers him on. Then reality set in, all the bad things that could come out of this. Finally I mustered the guts to record an anonymous video. I took my name and rank off my shirt and didn’t show my face. I emailed it to YouTube. I didn’t know if it would even get noticed. This was Fox News, after all. But people started voting on the questions, and mine 4 A LEAP OF FAITH
lit up. It seemed that for a lot of people this was unheard of, as if gay people serving in the military were just an old wives’ tale. I don’t know if it was the votes or all the controversial comments that got my question noticed, but the next day I received an email from a woman who works for Google, which was sponsoring the gop debates. She said they were considering using my question, but they didn’t want me to hide my identity. I felt exposed, naked. She had my email, she knew who I was. I emailed back and told her I couldn’t do that. I was not out to anyone in my unit or many people at my job back home. But that fire was still burning red hot, and I wanted an answer. I called Josh, and we talked about it. We had decided back in May that since the repeal was going to happen and they were not kicking people out, we could get married, and we had done so on my r&r. Now Josh poured gasoline on the smoldering coals when he reminded me of what would happen to us if the repeal was reinstated now that we were legally married. It was evident to me that someone had to confront the candidates and ask what their intentions would be if they held the most powerful position in the United States. So I recorded the video showing my face. I felt so vulnerable. The question I asked (uncut) was: Hello, I’m a soldier currently serving in Iraq, and I have a question for the Republican candidates. In 2010, when I was deployed to Iraq, I had to lie about who I was, because I am a gay soldier and I didn’t want to lose my job. My question is, under one of your presidencies, do you intend to circumvent the progress that has been made with gay and lesbian soldiers in the military? Or would you continue to allow us to serve openly and not fear losing our jobs? Also, would you consider extending the same spouse benefits to gay and lesbian soldiers who are legally married as you do to our heterosexual counterparts? Thank you very much and have a good day. A LEAP OF FAITH 5
If I was going to send it, I had basically one day until I potentially would come out to everyone on national television. I sat down with my good friend and fellow soldier Tims. I had decided she’d be the first person I’d come out to, and I also told her about the video I was about to send. She was very supportive and told me she wanted to pray about it. I wasn’t sure if I could show my face. After talking to her, after talking to Josh over and over about it, and after thinking again about what I had been through for so many years, all that pent-up anger caused me to hit “send.” There was no taking it back. Less than one week prior I had not planned to come out to anyone. Now this fire had driven me to do things I never imagined. With one click of the mouse I sealed my fate—and exposed the most personal secret I have ever had to millions of people. What had I just done? I decided I also owed it to Renshaw, my best buddy in Iraq, to come out to him before this thing hit the airwaves. One thing about dadt is that people are usually invasive about your personal life. They ask you directly to see pictures of your wife or girlfriend. Renshaw had always been one of those people. He used to ask if I had a Facebook page, and I’d skirt the issue. I never added any of my coworkers or fellow soldiers to my Facebook account. If I ever thought I was at risk for being exposed to someone who knew someone, I would unfriend them immediately. There are so many Steve Hills that I thought for sure Renshaw wouldn’t find me. But lo and behold, one day a friend request from him popped up. I ignored it, hoping he wouldn’t say anything. But he kept pressing the issue. I told him my wife might have accidentally blocked him. These are the kinds of things that people don’t think about. It isn’t anything mean or deliberate; it’s just an innocent friend request. But to a gay person in the closet it’s a direct attack on your anonymity. Deep down inside I was worried Renshaw would have to explain to people why he had no idea about my being gay. We were good friends; we had hung out and gone to the gym 6 A LEAP OF FAITH
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OUT AT WORK
All Clear
Tim Funk handles Emergencies with calculated cool Photo by John Altdorfer Tim Funk has a stressful job working for the Department of Emergency Services of Allegheny County as a 911 Operator. Funk said, “Every day it’s an emotional rollercoaster. It is very stressful, but it’s also very rewarding.” On the night he spoke with Equal Magazine he was pulling a double shift, working from the afternoon on Monday to early Tuesday morning. The Department of Emergency Services handles a wide variety of emergencies. Sometimes, he has to explain to someone over the phone how to administer CPR, stop bleeding or choking. Other times he dispenses medical advice while the ambulance, fire department and/or police are dispatched to the emergency. He started out in 1997 working for the City of Pittsburgh’s emergency service department. In 2005, the City of Pittsburgh merged with Allegheny County’s department. 40
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Funk has been out at work for as long as he could remember. He said, “I don’t think I had to announce I was gay. I never denied it.” Funk added, “My coworkers are fine with it. My field units are fine with it.”
The lines between race, religion, and sexual preference all blur when there’s an emergency. He said, “When someone dials 911, they don’t care who answers the phone, gay or straight. They just want help.”
In addition to his regular duties, Funk also volunteers for the Delta Foundation of Pittsburgh as a dispatcher in the mobile command post for the city that is at Pittsburgh Pride. He said, “Pride is always a good time.” He added, “Nobody sees us but we make sure everyone is safe.”
He reflects fondly about his time with the Department of Emergency Services. Funk said, “I have a great team of co-workers. When people have trouble they can rest assured they are in good hands.”
He remains positive about his experience with the department. Funk said, “We see people on their worst day. I can talk to a woman whose child is struck by a car, another one whose husband is having a heart attack, and then someone can call to complain about loud music. All those calls come through here. If you want the police to come, in a lot of areas you have to call 911.”
Funk encourages others to come out of the closet at work. He said, “I just decided to stop hiding who I am. When you stop hiding you’re happy. Happiness breeds more happiness.”
“WHEN SOMEONE DIALS 911, THEY DON’T CARE WHO ANSWERS THE PHONE, GAY OR STRAIGHT. THEY JUST WANT HELP.”
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TOGETHER, LET’S
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BRINGING PITTSBURGH OUT
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HOT GUY READS A BOOK
Michael
Cannon on “Camera: A History of Photography from Daguerreotype to Digital” by Todd Gustavson Photo by Mara Rago “I’m currently in the process of brushing up on my photo history. In today’s digital world, it’s great to step back and look at how far photography has come. Camera: A History of Photography from Daguerrotype to Digital is a phenomenal read for anyone with an interest in the craft, from beginners to the most advanced. Opening with the very first photograph ever taken, this book takes readers through the fascinating and rapid 200 year history of photography. With more than 350 beautifully lit images, you’re introduced to cameras you would have never known exist.” Michael has lived in Pittsburgh for 25 years and has been fortunate enough to start and run his own photography business. While currently focusing on weddings, he plans to (eventually) transition into beauty and fashion photography and move to NYC or LA for exciting opportunities. Until then, he looks forward to all the cookie tables those weddings have to offer!
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MUSIC
Local Musician aims to put Pittsburgh music on the map By Michael Buzzelli Local musician C. J. Mitchell’s gay anthem “Permission 2 Love” is making a splash, literally and figuratively, all over Pittsburgh. Mitchell, 26, has been in music all of his life. He played drums when he was five. He was playing the piano by the time he was twelve. He admits, “I learned them all by ear.” Mitchell, a West Virginia native, moved to Pittsburgh after visiting a friend from high school. He said, “I felt so connected when I got here. I felt like I belonged. I went back to West Virginia, packed up my stuff and moved here.” Life in small town Bluefield, West Virginia wasn’t easy for the young man. He went to a Christian high school, Mercer Christian Academy, where he played on a basketball team and led the choir at his church. Back in West Virginia, he lived his life in the closet. In Pittsburgh, his life changed radically. He cites two films that changed his life; “Prayers for Bobby,” a story about a woman, Mary Griffin (Sigourney Weaver), who loses her gay son to suicide, and “Milk,” about the first openly gay politician Harvey Milk (Sean Penn) who is murdered along with Mayor Mascone (Victor Garber) in the 70s. These films gave Mitchell the courage write a letter to his parents and come out. 46
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The moment had a profound effect on him. He decided to call his album, “Dear World.” Mitchell said, “The album is a lot like my coming out letter. It contains five songs all dealing with gay politics, gay marriage, gay life.” Another video, Alan Watts’ YouTube video “If Money Was No Object” gave him a moment of reflection. Mitchell said, “I had to assess what I was doing with my life. I decided I had to do whatever I could to pursue my music career.” The video instilled him with a “do it yourself” attitude. He started contacting record producers, recording artists, anyone who could help him go after his dream. He was put in touch with Lab Therapy, a multi-media company in the Strip District who aided him in putting together the music video. The first single, “Permission to Love” is about marriage equality. The song and the video celebrate the May 20 ruling that overturned the ban on gay marriage in Pennsylvania. For the first time, Mitchell had total control. He said, “I wrote the song. I played all of the instruments. I sang all the songs. The guys from Lab Therapy did the editing and sound mixing.”
The relocated West Virginian is now Pittsburgh proud. Mitchell said, “A lot of good stuff has happened to me here in Pittsburgh. I came out here. I met my boyfriend here.” He attributes a lot to his boyfriend, Tyson Stutzman. Mitchell said, “I wouldn’t have done all of this without my boyfriend.” The video for “Permission to Love” is a veritable tour of Pittsburgh LGBT bars with stops at Hot Mass, There, Images, Spin, and Cruze Bar and features a several locals including Brian Graham and Joe King. The video debuted at Splash during Pittsburgh Pride week. The singer said, “I got lots of awesome compliments afterward.” Mitchell added, “Pittsburgh is known for its drag [Sharon Needles and Alaska from “Rupaul’s Drag Race”], and they’re great, don’t get me wrong. But there are gay poets here, singer and dancers. I want Pittsburgh to be known for all of that. I want our community to have a chance to shine, and I am working my butt off to make sure that happens!” Mitchell’s album “Dear World” is slated to drop in late Fall.
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