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LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON
Meet the man behind hockey superstar Jarome Iginla. 16 PRODIGAL JOURNEY
Actor Jason Hildebrand tells a mean story. 23
WHAT WOMEN WANT Inside information from a woman’s perspective 34
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Unleashed Unleashed Discipleship Training There is a growing crisis of integrity among Canadian men. Our homes, workplaces and even our churches are feeling the effect. Recent studies show that men make up less than 40 percent of adults in most churches, and 20 to 25 percent of married churchgoing women attend without their husbands.
How did a movement that began with twelve men lose the interest of men? Promise Keepers Canada has created Discipleship Training Unleashed to help men make a lasting impact in the lives of other men.
What is Discipleship Training Unleashed? Fulfilling one the greatest needs in the church today, DTU is in-depth training for mature Christian men on how to be effective mentors. Participants will receive 100 hours of discipleship training and emerge prepared to be mentors to the men around them. TO REGISTER OR FOR INFORMATION ON HOW TO BRING THIS EVENT TO YOUR COMMUNITY, CONTACT US AT:
1-888-901-9700 or info@promisekeepers.ca www.pkelevation.ca
Mentoring Men to Leave No Man Behind Equipping Men to Mentor Men!
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on the cover 16 Like Father, Like Son “Jarome’s nature is much the same as mine,” says his father. “He’s a very spiritual guy.”
Publisher: Brian Koldyk Managing Editor: Doug Koop Pulse Editor: Robert White
features 20 Daddy's Home! As the traditional family unravels, men are rediscovering the importance of being good fathers. LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON
Meet the man behind hockey superstar Jarome Iginla. 16 PRODIGAL JOURN EY
Actor Jason Hildebra nd tells a mean story. 23
WHAT WOMEN WANT
Inside information from a woman’s perspec tive 34
Advertising Account Executive: Joe D’Amico seven@christianweek.org Unless otherwise indicated, neither ChristianWeek nor Promise Keepers Canada guarantee, warrant, or endorse any product, program, or service advertised.
22 Father Wants To Know You Best Jason Hildebrand is learning a lot about fatherhood as he retells the story of the prodigal son to rapt audiences.
Editorial Advisory Board RON HANNAH: Promise Keepers Canada KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada PHIL WAGLER: Zurich Mennonite Church SANDRA REIMER: Reimer Reason Communications DOUG KOOP: ChristianWeek
26 A Father's Heart Four sons follow four different roads and never leave their father’s heart.
columns
Departments
5 PK Podium The president of Promise Keepers announces the birth of a new Christian magazine for Canadian men.
8-11 Pulse Curious events. Interesting people. Good reads.
6 Help Wanted An old girlfriend wants advice about her marriage problems. Should I help her? 28-29 Out of My Depth Fathers know how to give good gifts to their children.
12 Reviews Five reasons to read.
Distributed by Promise Keepers Canada 1295 North Service Road PO Box 40599 Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 (905) 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca Postmaster: Please send address changes to PO Box 40599, Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 ISSN 1916-8403 On the cover: Jarome Iginla. Larry MacDougal / THE CANADIAN PRESS
30-31 Power Play Tools, toys and technology. 33 Shape Up Take time to get fit.
32 Money Matters Basic budgeting can help you work wonders.
Editorial and Advertising Office 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4 Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org Design: Indigo Ink Studios www.indigoinkstudios.com
SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies. The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada. one – A Promise Keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer,
and obedience to God's word in the power of the Holy Spirit. two – A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises. three – A Promise Keeper is committed to practising spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.
four – A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection, and biblical values.
six – A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.
five – A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.
seven – A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matt 28:19-20).
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7 Magazine: Men. God. Life. You asked for a Christian men's magazine that was for Canadian men – a quality magazine that was relevant, exciting and biblical. We listened.
Men of Integrity Devotional Especially written for men. Easy to read, personally challenging and eternally rewarding. 5 minutes per day, that’s all it takes. PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA PRESENTS ®
HELPING TO BUILD MEN OF INTEGRITY
Visit www.WiseChoices.ca
World Class Speaker CD Series Make the most of your commuting time by listening to these inspiring messages on the critical issues facing Christian men today.
TO HAVE THESE PK RESOURCES SENT TO YOUR HOME.
Registration is FREE for the
Church Support
Network
• Free audio downloads • Resource offers and discounts • Monthly e-newsletter • Men's ministry ideas
Promise Keepers Canada has developed a new, easy to manage event for churches. The Men’s Summit is a 3 hour DVD based event with small group discussion questions, teaching guide, and videos from past conferences and The Edge TV show. PERFECT FOR A MEN’S BEAKFAST OR A SATURDAY EVENING.
For more info visit www.pkelevation.ca or call 1-888-901-9700
FOR INFORMATION ON HOW TO BRING THIS EVENT TO YOUR CHURCH,
contact us at 1-888-901-9700 or info@promisekeepers.ca
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PK Podium
Welcome! by Ron Hannah
Greetings friends, and welcome to the first issue of SEVEN magazine! It is certainly an honour, privilege and pleasure for us at Promise Keepers Canada to partner with ChristianWeek to bring you this quality publication. Why SEVEN? If you look up seven in the Oxford dictionary, it simply says “one more than six.” Wow, what a powerful description! Not really. You would at least think it might say something like, “often considered to be a lucky number,” or “number of days in week.” Well, it’s not what Oxford says that led us to the name. For those familiar with God’s word, the number seven is often used as a sign of completeness. There is not enough space allowed for this article for me to provide all the times seven is used in our Bible. Suffice it to say that God created “everything” in six days. As to Oxford’s point, on that “one more” day He rested and all was complete. The number seven is also very significant for Promise Keepers. It references the Seven Promises of a Promise Keeper and also represents the seven pillars in our statement of faith. As this issue coincides with the timing of Father’s Day what better way to remind men of the seven promises that each of us should strongly consider employing in our lives. 1) Honour Jesus Christ 2) Accountability 3) Commitment to purity 4) Building godly Families 5) Support the body of Christ 6) Unite in biblical unity and 7) A commitment to the Great Commandment and the Great Commission. Our calling at Promise Keepers is to “ignite, equip and unite men” to learn these seven promises and to “live them.” For more details on how Promise Keepers can best serve you, please visit our website at www.promisekeepers.ca. We live in challenging and often confusing times. The world is changing in many ways and men need an accurate and reliable compass to navigate the rough waters. That compass
is God’s Word. It is in and through His Word that everyone can find truth and solid teaching that will provide reliable and safe passage in the roughest of seas. While this magazine will be dedicated to educating, entertaining and informing, it is not meant to replace or be a substitute for your study of the Scriptures. Instead, it is our hope that the various articles and authors will draw you into the Word to seek deeper understanding and direction in the areas that challenge us daily. So, whether you are a father or you are celebrating and honouring your father at this time of year, let’s first acknowledge our Father who is in heaven and say, may Your Kingdom come and may Your Will be done. Happy Father’s Day!
Ron Hannah is president of Promise Keepers Canada. His passion is to serve God and challenge men to be followers of Jesus Christ. Before joining Promise Keepers in 1998, Ron was a marketing manager for Hershey Foods and vice-president at Duracell Canada. He and his wife Joei reside in Burlington, Ontario, while his two sons, daughter-in-laws and four grandchildren live in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
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Help wanted
Old girlfriends and reluctant grandpas by Rod Wilson An old girlfriend is looking for advice on her marriage difficulties. Should I help her? The fact you are asking the “should” question is a good sign. Many people wander into these situations without awareness and it results in a mess. But an “old” girlfriend? Describing a girlfriend as old could get you into trouble. The first thing that needs to be affirmed about marriage is that it is a commitment of oneness. Your former girlfriend is in a relationship that needs to be guarded from any threats to oneness. Often getting re-involved with an old flame can rekindle sparks that will produce destructive fires. This is particularly true when someone is vulnerable because of personal pain. Will her connection with you be a potential threat to her oneness? And, if you are married, will unity with your wife be at risk? It is not our responsibility to help everyone in every circumstance. Even Jesus did not reach out to everyone and he had more capacity than any of us. He passed people on the street, did not visit certain towns and confined his work to a particular geographical location. Trying to meet everyone’s needs can be overwhelming and, in reality, absolutely impossible. There is no question that your former girlfriend has needs, but is it your responsibility to meet her needs? In these circumstances people want different responses—affirmation, emotional support, encouragement, identification or a shoulder to cry on. Your former girlfriend may want to connect with you because you were important to her. While you cannot figure out all that she wants and needs, it might be wise to suggest a good counsellor who can provide her the support she requires. Often referral is not seen as a viable form of help but it may be the wisest and best course of action. Demonstrate your support by withholding your help and referring her to someone else.
My father spends so much time working with his friends that he has no time for his grandkids. How do I help my father see how much they need him? There are interesting dynamics created when children have children. Now there are two sets of parents, but only one set of parents who have children who have children. No wonder it is bewildering! When you are the parents of parents it is often confusing to know how to relate to your grandkids. Start by thinking about their perspective. At times grandparents can feel that they are being abused. While they want to spend time with their grandchildren, in days of rising child care costs and dual-income families, grandparents can see themselves as cheap help. Might this be the case with your father? Depending on their age, some grandparents can find spending time with their grandchildren to be physically and emotionally draining. This is not about love, appreciation or time—just depletion. Might this be the case with your father? Grandparents of retirement age often want to remain involved with friends, projects and commitments of various sorts so that life has variety and fulfillment. They want grandchildren to be part of their life, but not all of their life. Might this be the case with your father? Take Dad out for lunch and ask if any of these things are influencing his response to your children and tell him how you feel. In the middle of it all, don’t lose hope. You can take reassurance from the book of Genesis, the best book on families ever written. There is not one well-functioning family in the whole book but God still seems able to work his purposes in spite of the challenges created by his people. So when there is tension in the broader family—with grandparents, grandkids, in-laws, et al—don’t forget that as long as God is present, there is hope.
Rod Wilson is president of Regent College in Vancouver, where he also serves as professor of Counselling and Psychology. He is the author of How Do I Help a Hurting Friend: Practical Help for Leaders and Laypeople (BakerBooks, 2006).
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Could you use some help? Don’t shy away from asking. Send your questions to dkoop@christianweek.org. We will publish a selection of your questions and the answers offered by our well-experienced panel.
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advertorial
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pulse
Curiousities. Personalities. Ideas and Information. by Robert White PULSE Editor OLD AS EDEN Two books Oprah Winfrey says you should read are filled with lies as old as Eden.
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle (pronounced “toe-lee”) are a mishmash feel-good mixture of New Age spirituality, philosophy and pop psychology. The most dangerous part is that both Byrne and Tolle quote scripture and use Jesus as a shining example of their theories. According to the book’s dustcover, The Secret “has been passed down through the ages, highly coveted, hidden, lost, stolen, and bought for vast sums of money.” And what is this highly coveted pearl of wisdom? The law of attraction—“like attracts like”—which operates via thoughts, which “are magnetic, and...have a frequency. As you think, those thoughts are sent out into the Universe, and they magnetically attract all like things that are on the same frequency. Everything sent out returns to the source. And that source is You.” The New Earth, which has become Oprah’s new gospel, shows us “how [to transcend] our ego-based state of consciousness.” And of these two authors, Tolle—a contemporary spiritual teacher who isn’t aligned with any particular religion or tradition—is the more dangerous, citing a lie as old as Eden: “You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.” Tolle’s words eerily echo what the serpent told Eve: “God knows that the moment you eat
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from that tree, you’ll see what’s really going on. You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil” (Genesis 3:4,5 The Message). The frightening part of this is the number of people, including Christians, who are swallowing Oprah’s recommendations hook, line and sinker. The Secret’s sales soared after being an Oprah book club selection. And more than two million people have signed up for the weekly Oprah-hosted New Earth web event. Looks like the Apostle Paul was right: “You’re going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food— catchy opinions that tickle their fancy” (2 Timothy 4:3).
NEW ANTHOLOGY WARMS HEART LIKE HOT APPLE CIDER Have Chicken Soup for the Golfer’s Soul sitting on your in your to-read pile? You’ll probably want to add Hot Apple Cider to the stack. This new collection of feature short stories, devotional pieces, poetry and memoirs was written by about 30 different Canadian Christian writers. The 300-page anthology includes: Musician and writer Carolyn Arends’ tale of a surprising answer to a childhood prayer. Pastor Mark Buchanan (Your God is Too Safe and The Rest of God) recalling when God challenged him—while mowing the lawn—to look at people from a heavenly perspective. Sheila Wray Gregoire, author of Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight and To Love, Honor and Vacuum and a guest on The Edge on Good News Sports, writing a touching account of God helping she and her husband weather the storm after the death of their 29-day old son
Christopher. And, in another offering, she gives a humourous take on the Mars/Venus perspective on Valentine’s Day. The stories are short enough to be savoured in a single serving, but filling enough to keep you soul warmed for a while—just like sipping a mug of hot apple cider Hot Apple Cider is available at Chapters, Indigo and Mitchell Books and online at www. hotapplecider.ca.
MOMS PUSH FOR FAMILYFRIENDLY CHECKOUTS Two mothers in Abbotsford, B.C. want local grocery stores to set aside at least one checkout aisle free of sexually explicit magazine covers. “I had my seven-year-old son ask me what an orgasm was,” says Shelly Wielenga. “I’ve had my child ask me, ‘Mommy, what’s naughty sex?’” Tricia Kolsto told CTV British Columbia. Kolsto also recalls her nine-year-old daughter trying to pronounce the words she saw on a magazine cover, not realizing their sexual connotations. Kolsto and Wielenga started Abbotsford Families United and launched a petition calling on stores to remove the magazines from at least one checkout aisle. “If they have 10 or 11 tills open, why can’t they give us one?” Kolsto asked. “We just want a choice. Just like people have a choice to buy the magazines, we want to have a choice not to look at them.” Wielenga insists they’re not trying to act like censors. “[The magazines] have the right to free speech,” she said, “but we want to protect the rights of our kids.” Overwaitea Food Group spokesperson Julie Dickson told The Province the company is “testing the notion of family-friendly checkouts” and is awaiting customer feedback before deciding whether to adopt such a policy.
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HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES
BULLIES HAVE TROUBLE WITH RELATIONSHIPS From the “I knew that” file: bullies have trouble with relationships. Researchers from York University in Toronto and Queens University in Kingston studied nearly 900 children from ages 10 to 18, asking them to report on how much they bully others. They also asked about their relationship with parents and friends. Almost 10 per cent reported they had bullied others consistently throughout elementary and high school. Another 50 per cent said they took part in moderate levels of bullying. The researchers discovered those who bullied tended to be aggressive, had a weak moral compass and problems in their relationships with parents and friends. They also spent a lot of time with other bullies. They hope by understanding these patterns, they’ll be able to build better bullying prevention strategies. “By providing intensive and ongoing support starting in the elementary school years to this small group of youth who persistently bully, it may be possible to promote healthy relationships and prevent their ‘career path’ of bullying that leads to numerous socialemotional and relationship problems in adolescence and adulthood,” says lead researcher Debra Pepler.
“Women in unhappy marriages are coming home from a busy day and, instead of having time to unwind and relax and have a spouse picking up the load of setting the table, getting dinner going, signing forms for the kids, these women may have to immediately launch back into another stressful routine,” clinical psychologist and doctoral student Darby Saxbe told London’s Daily Telegraph. “Perhaps in happily married couples, the demands of domestic life are being shared more equitably between men and women.”
“To succeed at work but fail at home is to fail completely… (We) have a tendency to compartmentalize our families while we’re at work, but not our work while we’re with our families. Our bodies are at home but our minds are still at work. Striking a right balance between work and family is a cornerstone of achieving a true happiness.” —Patrick Morley
READ LIST. REDUCE STRESS. • Pray. • Go to bed on time. • Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed. • Be willing to say no. • Delegate. • Simplify your life. • Less is more. • Don’t overschedule. • Pace yourself. • Take one day at a time. • Distinguish worries from concerns. • Don’t spend money you don’t have. • Choose your words carefully.
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• • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Have fun. Nourish yourself spiritually. Eat properly. Get organized. Write down thoughts and inspirations. Find time to be alone. Be a friend. Memorize the Bible. Laugh. Exercise regularly. Be forgiving. Be kind to unkind people. Talk less; listen more. Don’t try to do God’s job. Remember your greatest ally.
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pulse
CANADA FACES CHANGE The face of Canada is changing. The latest census results show Canada’s ethnic makeup has grown from 25 different ethnic groups in 1901 to more than 200 recorded by the 2006 census. At the turn of the 20th century, the majority of Canadians traced their roots to Aboriginal ancestries, and British and French origins. Now, at the turn of the 21st century, the list of “ethnic origins” has lengthened. Statistics Canada uses the term “ethnic origin” to refer to the ethnic or cultural origins of an ancestor, usually someone more distant than a grandparent.
The 2006 census includes cultural groups associated with: Canada’s Aboriginal people (North American Indian, Métis and Inuit); European groups that first settled in Canada, such as the English, French, Scottish and Irish; Immigrants who came to Canada over the past century, such as German, Italian, Chinese, Ukrainian, Dutch, Polish, East Indian and so on; and groups such as Montserratan from the Caribbean and Chadian, Gabonese, Gambian and Zambian from Africa. While more than 10 million people reported their ethnic ancestry as Canadian, 11 ethnic groups passed the one-million population mark. The growth in ethnic groups also resulted in visible minorities passing the five-million mark, making up 16.2 per cent of Canada’s total population. And South Asians (1.2 million or four per cent of Canadians) passed the Chinese (just over 1 million or 3.9 per cent) to become the largest visible minority in Canada.
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HOPING TO ATTRACT OUTSIDERS WITH A MODERN CHURCH BUILDING? Try a cathedral instead. Unchurched Americans prefer cathedral-style churches to contemporary church structures by a ratio of two to one, according to a new survey conducted by LifeWay Research for the Cornerstone Knowledge Network (CKN). The survey, which included 1,684 unchurched adults, gave participants a choice between four photos of different church exteriors with traditional and Gothic options the most popular choices. “We may have been designing buildings based on what we think the unchurched would prefer,” says Jim Couchenour, director of CKN. “While multi-use space is the most efficient, we need to ask, ‘Are there ways to dress up that big rectangular box in ways that would be more appealing to the unchurched?’”
SPIRITUAL KIDS, HAPPY KIDS A new study finds a spiritual child is a happy child. Researchers have long found between four and five per cent of an adult’s happiness is linked to spirituality. When Mark Holder, associate professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia Okanagan in Kelowna, B.C., tested 315 children aged nine to 12, he found between 6.5 to 16.5 per cent of their happiness is accounted for by spirituality.
“From our perspective, it’s a whopping big effect,” says Holder, who’s formed a research group nicknamed the Happy Lab to examine the biology, psychology and assessment of happiness. “I expected it to be much less—I thought their spirituality would be too immature to account for their well-being.” Holder’s research assistant, Judi Wallace, defines spirituality as having an inner belief system and cautions against confusing “spirituality” and “religiosity,” which often more organized, and may be church-based. During the study, the children were asked to describe their daily spiritual experiences, private religious practices, and whether they think of themselves as religious or spiritual by rating statements such as “I feel a higher power’s presence,” and answering questions including “how often do you pray or meditate privately outside of church or other places of worship?” Parents were also asked to describe each child’s apparent happiness and spirituality, and teachers rated each child’s happiness level. Researchers have identified several possible reasons why spirituality and happiness are linked. Spirituality produces a sense of meaning; it stimulates hope, reinforces positive social norms, and can provide a social support network—all things that can improve a person’s well-being.
SPITZER APOLOGY MISSED THE MARK When New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was linked to a prostitution ring in early March, he made a public apology. National Post columnist Marnie Soupcoff was not impressed, especially when Spitzer said: “But I have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard I expected of myself. I must now dedicate
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some time to regain the trust of my family.” Wrote Soupcoff: “‘Some time?’ Strange wording. Some time sounds like a few hours. A day or two. Don’t you think it’s going to take more than that to win over loved ones who have been publicly humiliated and betrayed? And I’d submit that ‘to TRY to regain the trust of my family’ would have been a better way to put it. “This is an incredibly hurtful thing to have done. I wouldn’t just assume eventual forgiveness and trust. That’s something that will probably take a lot of effort and have to be earned. It shouldn’t be considered a given.”
$6,000 today. “We are at, I think, dangerously high levels of debt and low levels of savings on a monthly basis,” says Vanier Institute executive director Clarence Lochhead. “And many people are going into debt, not because they’re looking for the big-screen television, but because they’re trying to keep up with daily expenses.” Lochhead suggests most families facing sudden unemployment or illness would have a “pretty minimal” ability to absorb the shock. “It’s a bit of speculation, but I think some people are seeing their credit line as their rainyday fund,” he said.
THAT SINKING FEELING
SERMON LEADS TO SPORT MAGAZINE
Sinking in debt? You’re not alone. In its ninth annual report on The Current State of Canadian Family Finances, the Ottawa-based Vanier Institute of the Family concluded the average total debt per household is $80,000. Since 1990, family debt has been rising seven times faster than household incomes—now equal to a record 131 per cent of household incomes. More families than ever are living well beyond their means, despite low levels of unemployment, modest wage gains and an 18 per cent increase in real net worth since 2000, due mostly to a strong real estate market. The report estimated that in 2005 close to half of all families failed to make ends meet. Among Canadians earning a net mid-range income of about $60,000 a year, credit card debt almost doubled from $12,000 on average in 1990 to $22,500, according to the report. At the same time, family savings have dropped from about $7,000 per year in 1990 to about
Two new sports magazines focus solely on Canadian sports figures. The ideas for Canadian Sports Magazine and the Canadian Christian Sports Magazine, came to publisher Bob McKenna listening to a sermon that outlined the ills in contemporary sports? “I thought ‘What about what’s good in sports,’” says McKenna. “Where can a guy go to hear about that?” The first issue rolled off the presses in February 2007 with a cover story on perennial good guy—and unabashed Christian—Michael “Pinball” Clemons, former player, head coach and now CEO of the Toronto Argonauts football team. Initially there was some overlap in the content of both magazines, but with growth, McKenna plans a separation between the stories appearing in them, with the Canadian Christian Sports Magazine featuring Christians involved in sports. As well as being a good read, McKenna’s also offering magazine subscriptions as a wholesome fundraiser for minor sports programs and other cause-related organizations. (www.canadiansportsmagazine.com).
“THERE IS A LINE, AND WE CAN KNOW IT.” Saskatchewan premier Brad Wall was quick to apologize in the provincial legislature for comments he made 17 years ago that were captured on video and broadcast to the world. “They were wrong in 1991 and they are wrong today,” he said. Wall had feigned a Ukrainian accent to mock then-NDP leader Roy Romanow, a son of Ukrainian immigrants. “Sometimes it’s hard to know where you draw the line between what would be intolerant and what might be good-natured humour,” observed Wall. “Well, I have some suggestions. If you’re not prepared to see your remarks on the six-o’clock news, they are probably wrong. If you’re not prepared to say it to the individual, to their face, they shouldn’t be said. I wouldn’t have said these things to Mr. Romanow directly, so they should not have been said. They were wrong. They should not have been thought. “And maybe, Mr. Speaker, shining down through the centuries, there’s even a clearer line for us who wonder where is this line? It’s the Golden Rule. What are you willing to accept said of yourself or done to yourself in terms of what you should say or do to others?”
“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church— a love marked by giving, not getting.” —Ephesians 5: 22
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reviews
Five reasons to pick up a book
PORN NATION: AMERICA’S #1 ADDICTION By Michael Leahy ISBN:9780802481252 Michael Leahy knows through first hand experience that sexual impulses can quickly become compulsive and unhealthy. Easy access to pornography is making the problem incredibly widespread, dragging countless men into activities that shame them deeply, damages their souls and wreaks havoc in their closest relationships. Through personal anecdotes and scary statistics he paints a damning picture of a sex-sated society with countless individuals trapped in dysfunctional sexual habits. But Leahy doesn’t stop with the bad news. There are ways to move beyond destructive patterns. There is healing. There is hope. Anyone who picks this book up for the hot spots will be disappointed.
MIDLIFE MANUAL FOR MEN: FINDING SIGNIFICANCE IN THE SECOND HALF By Stephen Arterburn and John Shore ISBN: 9780764204234 This book promises to deliver answers to the kinds of questions men ask at midlife. The authors insist that middle age—after the roles of son, husband, provider and father are more or less learned—can be the most fruitful time of a man’s life. They want middle-aged men to “face forward” and “inhabit a future” where God, openheartedness, integrity, humility, love and faith are core. The book is full of specific, practical tips and very easy to read: big type, short
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paragraphs, bold page breaks, bulleted lists. Men of a certain age will love it.
BENT HOPE: A STREET JOURNAL By Tim Huff ISBN: 9781894860369 Good stories are usually not easy stories. Tim Huff tells good stories, and tells them very well. These are very disturbing stories, yes, but also very inspiring. They are about hurting people in twisted situations, for sure, but also very hopeful. Hope, Tim knows, cannot be smothered by homelessness nor squelched by debilitating addictions. Humanity persists amidst the vilest of circumstances. Blessed are those able to perceive the traces of God in people whose lives are filled with fear, whose bodies reflect the degradations of the hard streets. Blessed are those who care. Tim cares, and his compassion is contagious.
BUILDING FAITH AT HOME By Mark A. Holmen ISBN: 9780830745104 Parents better not depend on church programs or professional clergy to instill vital Christian faith in their children. Mark Holmen, who is a pastor, firmly believes that the family home is the primary place where faith is nurtured. So he wrote a book about it. He starts by describing the practical problem of maintaining separate spheres for church and home. Some of it is
stating the obvious, even if does encourage readers to “think outside the box.” But Holmen isn’t looking for shortcuts. He communicates a long-range vision to nurture vitality in the family of God.
HOW WOMEN HELP MEN FIND GOD By David Murrow ISBN: 9780785226321 The male of the species—at least those of the North American variety— seem to have more trouble with things spiritual than females. Now the guy who brought us Why Men Hate Going to Church has written another book that aims to help those (mostly women) who want their men to discover and embrace a genuine faith. He’s full of how-to advice, including a chapter on “how to man up a worship services (without driving women away),” and another on “how to talk to men about God.” This includes a section called, “Let him do the talking.”
“There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it’s now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage. Interviews with young adults suggest they want their initial marriage to last, but aren’t particularly optimistic about that possibility. There’s also evidence many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life.” —American pollster George Barna
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RANT
Hockey Cheerleaders
by Al Descheneau
Okay, listen. I love hockey. I reeeeeally love hockey. I love the sound of the puck hitting the end-boards, the bone splintering crunches, the smell of the arena, the hot-dogs with not quite enough mustard, wearing my jersey to the games, and screaming myself hoarse about an off-side call the linesman got wrong...even though I’m in the 400 seats, and he’s on the ice. But you know what bugs me? Hockey cheerleaders. As a warm-blooded, Christian, Canadian male, I have enough problems with keeping a covenant with my eyes, without you taking away what used to be the last bastion of freedom from bouncing, sparkly, inadequately dressed, young women. It used to be that I could go to a hockey game and only have to worry about my anger issues, gluttony and feeling guilty about not putting as much energy into my Sunday morning as I do my Saturday night. But now we have hockey cheerleaders?
Here’s the thing: I don’t need a cheerleader. I’m a Canadian male. I don’t need a glowing puck on my TV to know where it is, and I don’t need someone to prompt me when to cheer. I know when to cheer! I don’t even need the “clap” or “make some noise” signs on the big-screens! I know when to clap and make some noise...and when to stand up, when to jump, when to spill my drink, when to call the ref blind, the goalie a God-send, a defenseman a moron. I know when to elbow the stranger beside me, and when to mercilessly mock the guy in the opposing jersey three rows in front of me. I’ve got it covered. All I really need is the bumboom-boom-boom—rat-at-at-tat-da-daaaaa of my beloved hockey organ! I mean, seriously ladies...aren’t you cold? You are aware this is a winter sport, right? Played on ice! Now, the sparkle paint I can understand; it’s reflective safety coating so the Zamboni doesn’t hit you. But c’mon! The logo on your “shirt” is the size of a quarter!
Yes, thank you for the rocket and slingshot propelled sandwiches, T-shirts and hot dogs. Truly, I love anything wearable or edible that is propelled at me at high velocity from a gaspowered cannon. The problem comes because I can’t just avoid looking at you...you’re shooting things at me! I have to look or I’m liable to get a Subway sandwich up my nose. I know that society is changing and that sex sells. But I’m buying the ticket anyway. Hockey will always sell in Canada. I don’t need the cheesecake to go with my one-timers, glove saves and overtime wins. Maybe we can strike a compromise? You keep coming and firing high-powered souvenirs and tasty treats at me. But please do it with a jersey on, instead of a tube top. Al Descheneau is a pastor in Ottawa. He recently started a new men’s ministry called Caleb Company that is demonstrating great potential for blessing and life-change.
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LikeLike father, father,like likeson son
Photo: Brendon Dlouhy/CANADIAN PRESS/Edmonton Sun
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by Tim Callaway When the Calgary Flames finished their 200708 regular season with a convincing 7-1 thumping of the golf course bound Vancouver Canucks, Flames’ centre Jarome Iginla once again demonstrated why he is held in such high regard by hockey enthusiasts worldwide. That night the team captain added a statistical exclamation point to his 12th year with the Flames by scoring his 50th goal of the season, thereby affirming his current status as one of the game’s most dominant players. However, it was what “Iggy” did immediately following regulation time that reveals why he has earned and retained the esteem of teammates and opponents alike. After the final buzzer sounded, Iginla corralled and led his teammates over to Vancouver veteran Trevor Linden to exchange handshakes and pats on the head. The game was likely the last NHL tilt for Linden who holds the franchise record for the most games ever played in a Canucks’ uniform. “The outpouring of appreciation from the fans for Trevor’s achievements was awesome,” Flames’ defenseman Adrian Aucoin, an exCanuck, later observed. “But I think it was even cooler when Iggy called all the guys back to give Linden a handshake because you don’t see that kind of thing too often.” Aucoin aptly articulated what loyal Flames’ watchers and NHL fans around the world have known for some time now. On the ice or off, Jarome Iginla is a class act! It’s welcome news to sports fans accustomed to hearing about the booze-filled, womanizing, after-hours antics of youthful athletic millionaires. So much so, in fact, that The Canadian Encyclopedia (Historica) suggests: “...the sports world is starving for guys like Iginla. The people who buy tickets and jerseys invest a lot of emotion in the migrant millionaires who play for the home teams, and it hurts when their heroes turn out to be zeroes. So fans, kids especially, connect with Iginla.” Ironically, “Iggy”—as he’s known to the faithful—has so endeared himself to Calgarians that most residents of The Stampede City have long since forgotten or at least forgiven their
hero for the fact that he was born and raised in the Edmonton area, home of the archrival Edmonton Oilers. And they don’t even really seem to mind that the man Iginla largely credits with enabling him to become the outstanding role model he is today is an Edmonton lawyer. Meet Elvis Iginla, Jarome’s father. How Nigeria came to the NHL Born in Lagos, Nigeria, the elder of the Iginla men came to Canada in 1976 at the age of 19 in search of a university education. Shortly thereafter he married Susan Schuchard, a Caucasian-American who gave birth to Jarome in 1977. Although his parents believed in God and encouraged Elvis to do the same, he does not describe his upbringing as Christian. Not long after beginning studies in philosophy at the University of Alberta, he says, he realized that he really couldn’t say with his own conscience that he knew who God was. “I wasn’t happy with the way my life was going at the time,” Iginla states. “I often found my thoughts turning to God with the recognition that I was truly searching for him.” Highly motivated to answer his own questions concerning matters divine, the newcomer to Canada went for a long walk one day during which he advised God of his spiritual restlessness. “God,” Iginla confessed, “I’m sorry, but I’m not even sure you exist—even though I’ve
“I always looked at Jarome's athletics as more of a hobby until he was drafted, and I realized he could make a very good living playing hockey. ”
Family photo
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always believed in you. Nevertheless, if you can hear me, I would really like to know you.” The aspiring philosopher returned from that walk with a resolute confidence that God did in fact exist. He recalls asking God to take his life and mold it according to His divine purposes. “To be honest,” Elvis chuckles softly, “I was quite fearful God was going to ask me to do something I really didn’t want to do. In any event, from that moment on until now, I have always maintained a very firm belief in God.” Iginla followed up on his conviction by visiting a nearby church where he was introduced to the concept of Bible study. Believing the Bible to be the Word of God, Elvis says he made up his mind to read it from cover to cover. The Old Testament left him cold. “Looking back,” he reports, “I realize I’d adopted some fairly strong preconceptions as to what God is like—all-knowing, all-powerful, all-compassionate and so on. Subsequently, when I came across passages in the Old Testament where God killed innocent people or where Moses convinced God to change his mind and not destroy the Israelites, I found such ideas very difficult to accept.” About that time he changed the focus of his university studies from philosophy to psychology. Still, Iginla says he struggled with reconciling some of what he read with the skills he was developing in critical thinking. He was therefore pleased that the Jesus he encountered in reading the New Testament enabled him to get a better grasp on much of what the Old Testament contains. “That Jesus was the revelation of God and makes possible our relationship with God became the cornerstone of my faith,” Elvis testifies. Elvis’s role in Jarome’s life Although his marriage to Schuchard ended in divorce when Jarome was two years old, the amiable nature of his relationship with his exwife allowed Elvis to maintain a strong profile in the future Calgary Flame’s development as a young man. “Jarome was a very good child,” Elvis boasts, “not demanding, easy to get along with,
easy to teach. And he loved to learn.” for Christianity (Jade & Green Publications, Because the elder Iginla spent consider2005). able time with Jarome during the latter’s youth, His studies coincided with the period in it was not surprising when Jarome developed Jarome’s life where the young athlete was makmany of the same interests that captivated his ing decisions that would eventually determine father. This helped create the very close bond his career. the two men share today. “I’ve always told Jarome that regardless of “Jarome’s nature is much the same as what one does for a living, there is no substitute mine,” Elvis exin life for developing a plains. “He always godly character,” Elvis wants to discover indicates. “Accordingly, “ I've always told Jarome and learn, not just although Jarome is that regardless of what one certainly carving a niche about hockey but about God and life for himself in terms of his does for a living, there is in general. He is a hockey career, what no substitute in life for very spiritual guy. I means more than anydeveloping a godly recall when he was thing to me is to hear that about five years old his word is as good as character,” he asked if I knew gold; that he’s a loving where God was, husband to Kara who is before pointing to his heart. Jarome has always expecting their third child, and is a responsible had the faith of a child, yet it’s an unwavering father to Jade (3) and Tij (1).” faith and rock solid.” Rock solid, like Jarome’s fists on the noggin Jarome’s proud appreciation of his father of an opponent when the Flames’ leader The Calgary Flames were engaged in a naildecides it’s necessary to try and light a fire biter first-round playoff series with the San Jose under his charges. Sharks at the time this story was being written. Elvis laughs at the comparison, and then As the Flames’ on-ice leader, Jarome was underobserves that professional sports were not standably and rightly focused 110 per cent on common in Nigeria. “My mother discouraged setting the pace for the underdogs in giving the me from getting involved in sports because she Sharks all they could handle. saw it as a distraction from attending univerNonetheless, it speaks volumes concerning sity,” he explains. “I always looked at Jarome’s his deep love and respect for Elvis that the busy athletics as more of a hobby, until he was hockey hero made time to share his thoughts drafted and I realized he could make a very with SEVEN regarding their relationship. good living playing hockey.” “My dad’s example has always meant a lot As for Elvis’s latent questions about the to me in following my faith,” he stated. “When Old Testament and other aspects of theology, I have questions about God or my Christian following his graduation (B.A. Hons.) in psycholfaith, my dad is always there for me. That’s not ogy in 1983, he took a couple of years to study to say that we agree on everything we discuss,” theology before moving on to law school. he adds thoughtfully. “But our conversations Enrolling in courses at Edmonton’s Newman about matters of faith invariably end with our Theological College (a Catholic school affiliated encouraging one another to pray about it. with the University of Alberta) and North Ameri“I see my dad as someone who’s very can Baptist College (now Taylor University concerned with having a positive influence in College), Iginla addressed his thirst for knowlthe lives of people around him, whether he’s edge of Christ. at work or at home,” Jarome says. He subsequently wrote a book entitled “I’m very proud of that and try to follow his Confound Not the Wise: Questions and answers example in the way I live!” Tim Callaway is pastor of Faith Community Baptist Church in Airdrie, Alberta. He lives in Calgary.
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Photo: Larry MacDougal/THE CANADIAN PRESS
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Daddy’s Home
As the traditional family unravels, men are rediscovering the importance of being good fathers
Fathers encourage children to do their best: Dave Quist
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by Frank Stirk The bad news is that more and more children are growing up without a father at home. The good news is that the people who study the family are more and more realizing the important role fathers play in shaping their children’s lives. And the even better news is that more and more men are beginning to understand this. Many want to be—and are striving to be—a good dad. First the bad news. The typical family unit comprising a married couple with youngsters at home is breaking down. Statistics Canada says between 1986 and 2006, the number of lone-parent families—80 per cent of them headed by a single mom—just about doubled. “We’ve had a couple of generations now of boys and girls that have grown up to be adults that haven’t had that fatherly influence in their lives,” says Dave Quist, executive director of the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada. “In a sense, they don’t even know what they’re missing. Some of them grow up to be wonderful people, anyway. But there is something missing from their background and life experience.” In 2006, more than half of all Canadians aged 15 years and older had either never married or were no longer married. That’s the first time that’s ever happened. Then there’s the reality of children being raised by stepfathers, live-in boyfriends, grandparents, siblings, foster parents, two moms or two dads in a same-sex relationship, or in a “blended” family where two single parents have married or remarried. “I was raised in a so-called blended family that didn’t blend,” says retired family therapist Ed Bader, who now teaches on fathering at the Catholic Community Services of York Region in Richmond Hill, Ontario. “I have two brothers named Tom.” But even when children are living with their father, he might not really there because he’s consumed by work. Sherman Lau, a pastor at Pacific Grace Mennonite Brethren, a ChineseCanadian church in Vancouver, sees that firsthand, especially among older men. “There’s still that whole ‘provider’ side of things. That’s all they really care about. They have very little connection with their kids,”
he says. “And I know it hurts the kids. I know there’s a part of them that’s developmentally challenged, because they don’t have that interaction that they desire with their dads.” But at least there’s now a growing body of research just in the past few years that agrees this disconnect is a problem that society needs to be addressed. That’s the good news. Here’s what they’ve learned: Kids whose dads are actively part of their lives are more likely to develop higher self-esteem and more self-control, conform better to rules, make better moral judgments, experience compassion, be involved in sports or cultural activities, and pursue a post-secondary degree or find a stable job following high school. And they’re less likely to get involved in delinquent behaviour and substance abuse, become teenaged parents, spend time in jail, or experience serious depression. Even something as simple as dads roughhousing with their kids can turn into a teachable moment. “There’s a whole series of things,” says Quist. “There’s a different form of verbal communication. There’s physical bonding. There’s a start and a finish. They play out passive-aggressive roles.” Fathers will also let youngsters experience frustration a bit longer than most mothers would, and Bader says that too is a good thing. “It means that they’re being taught to work out their problems by themselves, but still have the support of both their parents.” And for parents who long to see to see their kids follow Christ and get involved in church, the example the father models for them is absolutely critical. Some years ago, a Swiss government survey found that if Mom goes to church and Dad stays home, only two per cent of their kids will become regular attenders. If both parents go to church, 32 per cent will become regular attenders. But if Dad goes to church and Mom stays home, that figure jumps to 44 per cent. “It’s almost better if mom’s an atheist, because the kids will always go the way dad does,” says David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. The bottom line is that children need the balance only a mother and a father can bring in
their lives, because their nurturing roles are so different. “By and large,” says Quist, “the mother’s role is to heal and comfort. The father’s role is to encourage, to help his kids to do their best. Each shows a different way of looking at the world.” But kids are not the only ones to benefit from having a loving, involved dad. His presence also encourages his wife to feel more secure, more patient, more flexible, more affectionate and more available to her family. And he’s helping himself to feel more connected to his community and more trusting in his family and friends. That’s what some of the studies show. But the even better news is many men are by themselves waking up to all that they have to give their children. “I wouldn’t say it’s universal. But it’s certainly a lot more now than even 10 or 15 years ago,” says Bader. “This seems to be particularly true for men who didn’t have very good fathering from their own fathers. They want their child to have a better start.” Lau agrees. “The younger fathers,” he says, “are seeing the value in using biblical principles in their parenting. Even if they come from Christian homes, they realize, ‘I don’t want to raise my kid culturally. I want to know how to raise my kid biblically.’” Quist believes this newfound desire plus the contemporary solid research on fathering needs to be communicated to a society that rightly or wrongly blames men for a lot of its problems. “I’m optimistic,” he says, “that as more people become aware of the importance of fatherhood—whether it’s through our churches, the media or Promise Keepers, whatever it may be—that we’ll take a second look as a society at some of these things.” Frank Stirk is a freelance writer based in North Vancouver. He is the B.C. regional correspondent for ChristianWeek, and a regular contributor to Family News in Focus.
st
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Jason George photos
Father wants to know you best Why do we avoid knowing others and being known? It's what we really want.
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by Jason Hildebrand
“Heed me well, know my journey, never forget I am the younger son...elder son...father.” My series of monologues on the story of the prodigal son land deeply in front of countless audiences across North America and the United Kingdom. It could be that audiences resonate with the radical reconnection of younger son to father in the throes of a child’s broken life, or the stubborn elitist attitude of elder son towards his younger brother. However, what I think speaks most powerfully to an audience is the father’s heart for his children. He longs for them to know him and be known by him.
“[When I returned] he fell at my feet and cried and cried. Then he stood to his feet, grasped me by my shoulders and just looked at me. For a really long time he just looked.” (Younger Son) I too long for this—to be known. I think I am not alone. We want those close to us to grasp at least a bit of who we are. In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman says one of the languages is receiving gifts. This happens to be the one most suited to me. I love getting gifts—but not just any gifts. No! Don’t go buying me stuff I don’t need or something you would like. I love gifts that tell me you know who I am—like great dark roast fair-trade coffee, or a rare u2 mix, or an iPhone (if they are ever affordable in Canada). I will never forget Christmas a number of years ago when my wife totally surprised me with a gift. The presents had already been opened and we were cleaning up. Then out of nowhere another box appeared. And not just any box. This was a big box. After much research, she bought me a Panasonic 5 DVD changer...beautiful. I was blown away. But the
best part was not the gift. The best part...I felt known. If I had that memorable a moment from a now obsolete DVD player, how much more important is it that my Father God knows me even better than my wife and longs for me to know him. But things get in the way...
“You see, he gave up his sonship, for the lure of the world. Not pure and holy, like from above, but dark and sensuous, born from below. With experiences meant to excite and addict, not to free. I find it fascinating how lust and greed often seem more enticing than pure unending love.” (The Father) How many times have we come through a time of being known, or even just starting to feel known—a place of intimacy with a spouse, a friend, or with God. And then, instead of drawing deeper into the relationship, we run in the opposite direction. For some reason, I find myself in this place a lot lately. Instead of sitting down and digging into that which I truly long for, I bolt for things far less satisfying in the long run. You know, the Costco grocery run that nosedives into an all out purchasing bonanza. Did I really need that juicer, BBQ and full James Bond DVD set? Or, we run to distraction with too much television or sports. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I was on the road performing in Tennessee. I felt I should be spending my offtime drawing close to God, getting into His presence. What did I do? Bought Heroes Season 1. Was it brilliant? Yes! Was I running from being known? Yes!! The other thing that gets in the way of being known is bad theology.
“Instead of drawing deeper into the relationship, we run in the opposite direction”
Note: The bold sections are excerpts from The Prodigal Trilogy.
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“I will never, never forget the moment of my son’s returning. There I was out in my fields working away, always one eye on my work and one eye on the road—watching, waiting for my children to come home. And then he was just there, in the distance. My jaw dropped. I let go of what I was doing. I stood to my feet and began to run to my child, arms wide open these old legs pumping away.” (The Father) There is a lie I was taught in church growing up. It is a lie that has devastated many people I have known over the years. Well, it’s a partial lie. Here goes. For years, the evangelical church has taught that I am a piece of junk (not just me personally—everyone). And, it’s a good thing Jesus came or I would be in big trouble. I remember being at numerous Bible studies and small groups challenging the leadership on this issue. It just didn’t feel right to me. It didn’t make sense that a loving Father God would look at me like this. I believe this lie is one of the reasons I had a hard time wanting to know God deeply early on in my walk with him. I didn’t want to open myself up to a God who thought of me as worthless. What I have since come to realize, and thankfully this theology is creeping its way back into Christ-centred faith-based communities, is that my imperfection or sinfulness is only one half of the equation. The truth is that God values me incredibly. I am deeply loved and created in God’s image. And so are you. He thinks we’re amazing. So much so that he sent Jesus, His boy, to the Earth, to validate us as men and women and redeem our lives. This is the paradox and mystery of the Christ-centred faith. It lets us know that despite our flaws, God is deeply in love with us and longs to be strongly connected. And that is the point isn’t it—to be known by God and to know him deeply? It is the root of all that we are and ever hope to be. The enemies of our souls will keep having us believe that we can be known and find meaning through consumption of stuff. The enemies of our souls will have us stuck in bad theology.
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But the heart of Father God yearns to fill the void in our hearts and bring restoration to our lives. I see it every time I am on stage, as people bravely enter into the truth of who they are before God within the community of audience. It is a holy time, a time of communion.
Jason Hildebrand is a professional actor, dramatist and communication coach. He has performed in theatre, film and television, and continues to tour the globe with his acclaimed solo performances. He will be performing the Prodigal Trilogy at Promise Keepers conferences this fall. For more information please visit: jasonhildebrand.com
Jason Geo rge Photos
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PROMISE KEEPERS NATIONAL MEN’S CONFERENCES
Featu a live d ring ra perform matic an by Jaso ce Hildeb n rand
This is what the LORD says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it,and you will find rest for your souls…” Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV)
REGINA November 7 & 8, 2008
MISSISSAUGA November 14 & 15, 2008
WINNIPEG March 13 & 14, 2009 R E G I S T E R TO DAY AT:
www.PromiseKeepers.ca or call 1-888-901-9700
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iStockphoto.com
A Father’s Heart
Four sons follow four roads and never leave their father’s heart
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by Tom Chan Last evening, I took our second son to the Greyhound station downtown as he was taking a trip to Lethbridge, Alberta, to visit his girlfriend for a couple of weeks. We arrived about 45 minutes before boarding, and sat side-by-side at the waiting lounge, pretending to watch the TV dangled from the ceiling, while we awkwardly didn’t know how to say good-bye. Two guys sitting on a log... you know, the strong silent type. I made two-bit conversation, asking him when he’d arrive and how long he planned to stay at Lethbridge. At the sound of the pre-boarding announcement soon, we got up and stood in line with the others...in silence. At that moment, I looked at my 25-year-old son—a strapping, handsome young man about whom my wife had remarked one time with pride and admiration with: “What an all-Canadian boy!”—and remembered. I remember him lifting up his head while lying on his tummy when he was only two weeks old; remembered him wearing a cool grey flannel hat, a legacy from Grandpa, with curls cascading from the sides at age three; remembered him getting upset with me (for no apparent reason) when I watched him play “Pee Wee” soccer at age four. Wow! My heart began to journey down this memory lane; and for a moment, it tendered in tears! This young man is my son, my flesh and blood whom I love dearly as the other three sons. And, he is just taking a Greyhound a quarter way across the country to see his girlfriend. What am I thinking? More to the point, what am I feeling? I just called my third son, who is 23, to see how his is doing. He is suffering from a mysterious and inexplicable pain in his shins, costing him his new job of two weeks. He’s been to several doctors and had tests and x-rays. They all came back negative. But, he cannot walk! And this is an athletic and strong young man who, five years ago, rode his bike solo all the way from Winnipeg to Sault Ste. Marie in a week. He lives independently on his own in an apartment downtown, and I think of him all the time. “How are your legs?” “Are they better?”
“How is your food holding out?’’ I ask the same questions whenever I call. And, here is our eldest son who is exceptionally gifted musically and technologically. He has discovered on his own that he would enjoy returning to university to finish his degree, which he had begun several years ago. He made the decision (to which my wife and I silently, and, at times, not that silently, gave assent and applause) to take a year of leave from his technology job to pursue his interest in scholarship. Great job! We all rejoice! Even if it means a grown-up child is about to move back home under his parents’ roof. They said that would happen. I refused to believe it. Guess what? It’s about to happen.
“Why am I dissecting my heart for all to see?”
Then, there is our youngest son who, upon graduation with a first degree, moved to Vancouver to be close to his girlfriend and chose to take on any job that pays two bits. Now, he is a university-educated bicycle courier in Greater Vancouver. Miss him. Yes. Indeed! Pray for him daily for his safety, for sure. Why am I dissecting my heart for all to see? I guess how I feel about my four sons in their respective circumstances is just a small ripple in the tsunami of the Father Heart of God for each one of us. God cares about us. He wants us to keep in touch with Him every day. He proudly displays each of our photographs as wallpaper on His laptop. He thinks about us all the time. Why? He simply loves and adores us. That was why He traded His only precious Son as our ransom for freedom from sin and death. I am free today and I am assured of His eternal love forever because He loves me much, very much...and first! That’s the Father Heart of God. I have just gained a tiny insight into how it feels to be a loving father. To feel my own heart beat just a little like how my Creator-God’s heart thumps for me as my Heavenly Father... Wow! Is this part and parcel of being created in His likeness? That blows me away. Thank you, Father. Amen. Tom Chan is a school principal who loves to write. He lives, works and worships in Winnipeg.
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Out of my depth
Which of You Fathers? Why simply knowing better isn’t enough
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by Mark Buchanan Which of you fathers, Jesus asked, if your son asks for a fish, or an egg, or bread, will give him instead a snake, or a scorpion, or a stone? And then he added: You, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children. I know how to give good gifts to my children. I do. If they ask my help with something—a chore, homework, a problem with a relationship—I know that telling them I’m too busy is a bad response. If they spill milk or break a vase, I know that yelling at them won’t help. If they get in trouble, I know that saying, “I told you so”, solves nothing. Giving long windy lectures about “when I was a boy” neither inspire nor enlighten nor motivate them. I know all that. They need fish, bread, eggs—things that nourish, help them grow. I know. It’s just that sometimes, for some reason, I don’t always act on what I know. Knowing all I do, I give them a snake, a stone, a scorpion anyway: poison them with words, constrict them with my way, bruise them with criticism, sting them with sarcasm. I know better. I know enough. I just don’t always act on what I know. Because—well, Jesus says it: I’m evil. Porènos, in the Greek. Wicked, depraved, demonic. A little Satan. The good I want to do I don’t do, and the evil I don’t want to do, I do. My children are now teenagers (well, the youngest is on the cusp of teenage-hood), and mostly I’m amazed. At their age, I was nothing like them. I was a mediocre student with a wide streak of defiance. I was on no one’s most-likely-to-succeed list, and on a few people’s enemy-of-the-state list. In school, I put in the minimum effort required for a passing grade. I tested some of my teachers to the limits of their endurance, and a few beyond. Outside school, my parents rarely knew where I was, and would rarely have approved if they did. These days, I expend much of my energy as a parent trying to keep my children from being like me back then. Mostly, I think, I’m succeeding. But it takes vigilance, patience,
a life of repentance, a lot of prayer. And sometimes, despite my best efforts, the evil in me, the porenos, bleeds through. My son recently said to me, “Dad, why are you always so angry?” That stopped me cold. My own father, in my memory, was always angry. Or worse: he was unpredictably angry, angry in the way crazy god-kings could be angry, on a whim, at their pleasure, according to their moods. So I never knew when my father would be charming and generous, or vicious and stingy. Am I that? I soul-searched, repented, made heartfelt apology. I resolved to act more often, and more openly, on what I knew: my son needs fish, bread, eggs. He doesn’t need snakes, stones, scorpions. That never nourished me. It will never nourish him. I have found two words—well, phrases— indispensable in all this: “I love you,” and “I’m sorry.” I never let a day go by without saying the first to my children. I never let a sin against them go by without saying the second to them. All good, but there’s more. The point of Jesus’ statement to fathers was theological. He was not dispensing practical advice on parenting: he was revealing truth about God. “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children…,” and now here it comes: “how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:13). This is one of Jesus’ famous rhetorical devices, comparing the lesser to the greater. How much more. If wrecks and wretches like us know, at least in principle, how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will our Father give the best gift of all, his abiding presence, the Holy Spirit, simply for the asking. So maybe Jesus is dispensing practical advice on parenting after all. The only way, deep down and lastingly, I can conquer the evil in me and act on the good I know is not by more strenuous moral effort. It’s only by the very presence of God. To that request, God never refuses, and never gives stones.
My son recently said to me, “Dad, why are you always so angry?” That stopped me cold.
Mark Buchanan is an author and pastor living on Vancouver Island. He is the author of five bestselling books and numerous articles.
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power play
Great games. Great toys. Great gadgets. Reviews by Sandy McMurray MARIO KART WII www.mariokart.com/wii Nintendo’s Wii game console has been selling like hotcakes since its debut, thanks to its family-friendly games and revolutionary new controller. The remote control uses a motion sensor to detect the natural movement of your body. Whether you’re golfing, bowling or slashing a sword on the screen, the movements feel natural and real. The latest game for Wii takes this one step further. Mario Kart Wii is the first driving game that doesn’t force players to learn how to drive using little coloured buttons. You just hold both ends of the controller and move your hands as if you’re steering a real car. (It took three generations of video games to figure this out.) Mario Kart’s second innovation is free online play. Racers will be able to play against each other in the living room or play against opponents live on the Internet. The Wii connects automatically to any wireless network and hooks you up with other Mario Kart players all around the world. This is one of those party games you’re going to want to share with your family and your friends. And their friends. And all the other people who will come over once they find out you have a Wii. Buckle up!
UTILI-KEY 6-IN-1 www.swisstechtools.com The Utili-Key is the ultimate James Bond gadget for adventurous men on a budget. Yes, it may look like an ordinary key, but there’s a secret inside. When you activate the quick-release, self-locking mechanism, the hidden tool kit is revealed, and you’re ready for action! The Utili-Key comes with six tools, including a tiny eyeglass screwdriver, a slot and Phillips screwdriver, a bottle opener, and two cutting
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blades—one straight and one serrated. If you use your imagination, there’s also a miniature laser-cutting tool and a powerful explosive for opening sticky doors. Now you’re ready for anything!
TREEPEE www.thetreepeecompany.com Part tree house, part trampoline, the Treepee is a tent that’s designed to hang from a tree. Tie it to a stout branch, fill with children, and watch the fun. You can let it swing free or stake the four corners to the ground to create a bouncy castle in the air. The Treepee has pockets inside for storage. Bug nets on the windows allow air to circulate without letting mosquitoes in. There’s even a handy pulley contraption kids can use to hoist essential supplies from the ground to the fortress. Treepee “riders” can experience a surfing/snowboarding sensation without any worries of falling, or just hang out with their friends. Either way, this is your ticket to Cool Dad status.
QUADRILLA www.quadrilla.com Part game, part construction toy, Quadrilla challenges you to build a fantastic Rube Goldberg machine out of blocks, tracks and marbles. Towers and roads and tunnels all serve to create a continuous track to the bottom. When you’re finished, the marbles should roll and tumble
their way to the bottom, to the delight of all who helped (and the inevitable cheers of the spectators). Like the game Mousetrap, half the fun of Quadrilla is the anticipation and half is watching the marbles roll down the pathways you’ve created.
USBCELL www.usbcell.com Some product ideas are so logical, so obvious, that you slap your forehead and say, “Of course!” when you see the product. You wonder why you didn’t get the patents and build the factories and make a fortune and retire. You vow to spend more time thinking and less time working. (Why not lie down right now and start thinking? It could be your ticket to early retirement.) Here’s one idea you missed: rechargeable batteries that plug into any USB port. The USBCELL is a regular AA rechargeable Ni-MH battery with one special feature: the cap flips open to reveal a USB connector. Plug the battery into any device that has a powered USB socket (e.g. a computer, a keyboard, or a USB hub) and it will begin to recharge. A small light on the battery indicates whether it is charging or fully charged. USBCELL batteries do not require a separate charger and they work with almost any device that uses regular AA batteries. One pack of USBCELL batteries costs about $20.
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iPOD TOUCH www.apple.ca Apple’s iPhone is a slick, drool-worthy gadget, but the monthly charges (and two year contract) are enough to make a grown man cry. You can get the next best thing for a fraction of the cost. The iPod touch has most of the same features as the iPhone, including the cool touch screen and wireless Internet. The only thing that’s missing is the phone part of the iPhone. With the iPod touch you can listen to your favourite music, watch movies, YouTube videos and TV shows. Flick through photos using the touch screen and find things on Google Maps. The iPod touch can use any Wi-Fi wireless network to browse the web, using the full-featured Safari web browser. You can also send and
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receive e-mail from the iPod touch. It’s like having the Internet in your pocket, even without the phone.
DYSON VACUUM www.dyson.com How do you get a grown man to vacuum the house? Some do it willingly, but others need convincing. For those men, this seems to be the ticket: the bright and shiny technology inside Dyson vacuums. From the special pivoting ball joint to the super vortex of suction, the engineers behind these babies have connected with our desire to see Things Done Right. I know it’s hard to justify the expense, but
you might be surprised how easily he will say yes to this particular purchase. Think of it as an investment that will pay off every time you need the carpets cleaned. (Plus, the amazing design means you never have to buy any bags or filters!) Warning: hide the screwdrivers. We should be able to understand how the Dyson works without taking it apart, but why take chances?
Somehing new you like? Write us and tell us about it: editors@sevenmagazine.ca
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money matters
How well are you managing your money? Basic budgeting can help you work wonders by Paul Emerton Living by sound biblical principles should touch all areas of our lives, including meeting and managing personal financial goals. For some, the discipline of budgeting is not new, and many have already embraced God’s desire for people to be good stewards of their money. However many of us know we are not where we should be. We know we require help to better manage our personal finances. According to the Bible, “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5). It takes planning, hard work and discipline to start budgeting. But once you establish a good routine, you’ll start seeing results. Your worries about money will ease, and your work will be worth the effort. Imagine the satisfaction you’ll feel when you meet your goals! Maybe you want to grow your savings, perhaps you want to contribute more to your church, or stop struggling with debt. With discipline, you’ll see results and get off to a fresh financial start. A budget is an important tool that can help you:Track where your money comes from and goes; Achieve your goals; Take advantage of opportunities—when you are in control of your finances, you can act quickly on special opportunities to give, save or invest; Have peace of mind and give you more
time and energy for the other things that matter; Be a good steward of God’s gifts. Trying to set and follow a budget without a clear picture of your current spending habits may cause frustration. If you have trouble making ends meet each month, here are some simple steps to create a budget: 1) List your available monthly income from all sources (after taxes and other deductions). 2) Track your spending for a few months. Carry a notebook with you, create a computer spreadsheet or collect receipts for every dollar you spend. Remember to record little things; coffee on the way to work adds up. Divide your spending into categories—e.g. rent, groceries, transportation, entertainment, clothes, investing, dining out, tithing, etc. Include annual expenses in your tracking, such as property taxes or holiday spending. 3) Build a budget that works for you. Think first about your goals. Then think the spending habits that may be standing in your way. If you want to increase your savings, start by paying yourself first. Set up a pre-authorized transfer to an investment or savings account. If your challenge is to curb impulse credit card spending, don’t carry your cards with you. Pay only with cash. Keep an envelope or jar with
your weekly spending allowance for each budget area and stick to it. If you have money left at the end of the month, save it in an emergency fund for unexpected expenses. When you examine your spending, you may find obvious habits to change. Often something like limiting your dining out will make a huge difference to your savings. Change can be very challenging. But keeping a specific goal in mind makes it easier to be disciplined. If this seems a bit overwhelming, help is available. You can find additional financial resources at www.pkfinancialcheckup.ca on Money Matters, Dealing with Debt or using Financial Calculators.
Paul Emerton is a certified financial planner and senior training specialist with FaithLife Financial.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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department
SHAPE UP by Todd Llewys Nutrition: Eating Right on the Run So you’re on the run, and you need to eat— in a bad way. Instead of just ordering your usual on-the-go breakfast, say, hotcakes and sausage from McDonalds (with a large coffee, double cream, double sugar), stop for a moment to think. (Yes, there’s enough time to do that. We’re no longer living in the Neolithic Age, where reaction ruled over reflection.) Check out the nutrition information. It’s readily available at the counter and you might discover something shocking. A breakfast of hotcakes and sausage contains 770 calories and 33 grams of fat. Downsize to an Egg McMuffin, and you’ll only be taking in 300 calories and 12 grams of fat. Should you walk into, say, a KFC looking for an express lunch, it also pays to change your eating habits. Instead of ordering your favourite (Crispy Twister, 670 calories, 38 grams of fat), why not try the Honey BBQ sandwich (300 calories, 6 grams of fat)? A few other tips for better on-the-fly eating: Make a point of avoiding extra sauces such as mayonnaise—they can quickly elevate the fat and calories content of a “healthy” entree -he same goes for processed cheese; drink water instead of soft drinks—that will significantly decrease your calorie/sugar intake; and if possible, choose grilled meal options over fried. In the long run, you’ll feel better, and have a smaller waistline to show for eating—and drinking—smarter.
Fitness: Get on the Ball Mental Side: Visualize Fitness Success— Two of the most common problems guys Over Time experience are bad backs and midsections that It’s amazing how easy it is to go from being aren’t as strong and toned as they could be. in shape to out of shape. Added responsibility Of course, men as a rule also detest doing at work or the arrival of children to the family sit-ups (boring, not macho enough) or leg lifts fold can drastically cut down (or eliminate alto(they’re for women). gether) the time you once spent playing hockey, Well, here’s a solution for you, one that you baseball or working out. can build in to your everyday routine, even at At some point, many guys decide (after work: an exercise ball. What’s that, you say? a brief but telling look in the mirror) that the Simple. It’s a thick rubber ball that can be extra 25 pounds has to go. It’s time to get back inflated to 55 to 65 centimetres or more (that’s into shape. plenty big). You can then use the ball in a Unfortunately, gyms tend to be littered with variety of ways to work on building up strength the ghosts of many a man who has tried to get in your lower back back into shape—like and abdominals— now. The culprit for so sitting on the ball many failed attempts? while at your desk Patience, which is not Unfortunately, gyms tend to typing out correa strong point for most be littered with the ghosts of spondence or men (we need to pray barking out orders daily for that). Focused many a man who has tried to over the phone. on getting back washget back into shape–like now. Or, you can board abs and biceps use it as a bench like Schwarzenegger’s press station by now, fitness-chalrolling out onto lenged guys hit the your shoulders, using your legs to stay parallel exercise machines and weights with a to the floor. Doing this will accomplish two vengeance. The following day, it’s all they can things at once: you can use some 20 pound do to get out of bed. Discouraged, they decide dumbbells (start light and work your way up) they’re “too old for this” and quit. to work on developing your pecs and arms, and Instead of trying to get back in shape all in doing the bridge will engage your abdominals, one fell swoop, visualize taking baby steps to developing tone and strength in the process. your end goal of getting back into the jeans you The bonus here is that you also need to use wore only two years ago. After all, it took time to your legs to remain stable, so additional get out of shape, so it will take time to get back strength and tone will be gained in that area, into shape. See yourself focusing on maintaintoo. ing a moderate diet and going back to the gym Even if you just use the ball while sitting at on a regular basis, dropping the weight bit by your desk, you’ll soon notice more tone—and bit and regaining the body shape you once had. strength—developing in your abs. Then, with a Visualize yourself attaining success over a stronger core, you’ll be able to go home and certain time frame—say a year—and it will be wrestle the kids into submission without breakeasier to stick with your fitness plan. ing a sweat—all thanks to a 15-dollar ball (available at Canadian Tire or Wal-Mart)! Professional athletes like Manitoba Moose captain Mike Keane use an exercise ball to keep their midsection in shape...you can too. For under $20, and exercise ball can do wonders for your midsection - provided it's used regularly (anyone got 10 minutes a day?)
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What women want
What Women Want In a Dad:
Sharing the responsibility load
by Sheila Wray Gregoire If you’ve mastered the sentence, “Whatever you want is fine with me, Honey,” you probably think you’ve hit the marriage bull’s-eye. Why, then, when your wife asks whether little Johnny should take soccer this year, and you utter those magic words, does she storm off? I’ve been asked to bring some insight into confusing female behaviour, so let me take a stab at this one using an analogy most men will understand. Have you ever been enjoying an amorous interlude with your beloved, when you feel a sneaking suspicion that instead of concentrating on what she is doing she is wondering what colour to paint the bedroom next? I’m sure you feel a little ticked right then, don’t you? You don’t want a wife who will just let you do what you want. You want a wife who will do it with you. Bingo! That’s exactly how she feels about parenting. This may be easier to grasp if you understand that women’s brains are perpetually stuck on the guilt setting. At any given time, we women are feeling guilty about something. I haven’t called my mother lately. There’s laundry waiting to be folded. I let the children watch too much TV yesterday. I didn’t serve all four food groups today. These things may seem silly to you, but they’re not to us. So when your wife asks, “Do you think we should put Johnny in soccer this year?” realize that she’s asking from a position of guilt. If you were to say, “Whatever you want, Honey,” she’s likely to bean you.
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You see, if Johnny signs up for soccer, someone is going to have to drive him. Someone is going to have to cart around those infernal canvas chairs with the pop holder cups. Someone will have to pack the cooler and then deal with all the dripping popsicle mess. This is not a decision that can be taken lightly. And if you agree that Johnny should play soccer, are you going to be the one to wipe up the popsicle stains? Or are you volunteering her for the job? And if she doesn’t want to, is she going to feel guilty the rest of her life because she’s deprived Johnny of the Soccer Experience? This is the guilt women constantly carry around. And guilt can be magnified when women feel as if all parenting decisions are in our hands, because then the repercussions are also in our hands. We’re the ones who will bear the blame if something goes wrong. So we overcompensate. We take on more and more of the parenting duties, because we desperately want our children to thrive. And in the process we may crowd you out. We don’t really want all that responsibility, though. It’s too big a load to bear. We’d much rather share it. Of course, we’re not looking for an authoritarian dad who will dictate everything the family does. We want a dad who recognizes our expertise, who relies on our opinion, but who also has one of his own. And if, after discussing and praying together, we decide to go with her idea, that’s okay. As long as we’ve decided it together, she won’t bear all the blame if things turn sour.
Now here’s where it gets dicey. If you decide you’re going to suddenly be that kind of dad, we may not like it. Women who have felt like they’ve been flying solo in the parenting department may be suspicious as to why you’re interfering now. So don’t barge in and start changing things just to show that you want to be involved. Begin putting in more time with the children and talking through issues with us. And if we get our defenses up and question your motivations, don’t give up. Don’t let us get away with being the main parent. Don’t let us take the kids from you. Believe it or not, we don’t actually want that responsibility. We know God didn’t give it to us, and we’d rather share it anyway. But we’re reluctant to give it up unless you’re serious. And when you rock the boat, it’s going to take us a while to adjust. So this Father’s Day, don’t tell us whatever we want is fine. Fight for the kids. Fight for us. Be involved. That’s what we really need, even if you have to take a couple of punches to get there.
Sheila is the author of several books, including Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood. A popular speaker, she can be found at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com, or at home in Belleville, ON, with her husband and two daughters.
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