The Warrior Within (November/December 2008)

november – december, 2008 Newsstand Price CDN $4.95

TEMPER THE WARRIOR WITHIN:

Real men need more than the UFC. 18

CONFLICT HAPPENS. DEAL WITH IT. 14 TI-CATS TAKE ON BIG TASK 22 BETHLEHEM BEHIND THE WALL. 24

Unleashed Unleashed Discipleship Training There is a growing crisis of integrity among Canadian men. Our homes, workplaces and even our churches are feeling the effect. Recent studies show that men make up less than 40 percent of adults in most churches, and 20 to 25 percent of married churchgoing women attend without their husbands.

How did a movement that began with twelve men lose the interest of men?

Promise Keepers Canada has created Discipleship Training Unleashed to help men make a lasting impact in the lives of other men.

What is Discipleship Training Unleashed?

Fulfilling one of the greatest needs in the church today, DTU is in-depth training for mature Christian men on how to be effective mentors. Participants will receive 100 hours of discipleship training and emerge prepared to be mentors to the men around them.

TO REGISTER OR FOR INFORMATION ON HOW TO BRING THIS EVENT TO YOUR COMMUNITY, CONTACT US AT:

1-888-901-9700 or info @ promisekeepers.ca www.pkelevation.ca

Mentoring Men to Leave No Man Behind Equipping Men to Mentor Men!

contents

november – december, 2008

on the cover 18 Designed to be warriors Why mixed martial arts battles are so popular.

Publisher: Brian Koldyk Managing Editor: Doug Koop Pulse Editor: Robert White

features 14 Holy Hotspots!

Managing conflict in a conflicted world.

Advertising Account Executives: WILLIAM LEIGHTON: william@christianweek.org DARRELL FRIESEN: darrell@christianweek.org Unless otherwise indicated, neither ChristianWeek nor Promise Keepers Canada guarantee, warrant, or endorse any product, program, or service advertised.

20 Shaken and stirred Don Ranney lives life on the edge. Once he tumbled off.

22 The wrap on Hamilton Former steel salesman helps people put their lives together.

Editorial Advisory Board RON HANNAH: Promise Keepers Canada KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada PHIL WAGLER: Kingsfield SANDRA REIMER: Reimer Reason Communications DOUG KOOP: ChristianWeek

24 Bethlehem behind the barrier Security barrier encircles the birthplace of Christ.

columns

departments

5 PK Podium

8-12 Pulse

From good to disaster.

Curious events. Interesting people. Good ideas.

6 Help Wanted Fear of conflict. Wayward son.

Ungodly influence.

29 Out of My Depth Fighting words.

32 Money Matters What do fluctuating house prices mean for you?

Distributed by Promise Keepers Canada 1295 North Service Road PO Box 40599 Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 (905) 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca Postmaster: Please send address changes to PO Box 40599, Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 ISSN 1916-8403

13 Reviews One good read recommends another.

Cover: Indigo Ink Studios iStockphoto.com

30 Power Play Tools, toys and technology.

33 Shape Up Take time to get fit.

34 What Women Want

Editorial and Advertising Office 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4 Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695

Fighting the good fight

admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org Design: Indigo Ink Studios www.indigoinkstudios.com

SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.

The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada. one – A Promise Keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer,

and obedience to God's word in the power of the Holy Spirit. two – A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises. three – A Promise Keeper is committed to practising spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.

four – A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection, and biblical values.

six – A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.

five – A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.

seven – A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matt 28:19-20).

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 3

Want your own copy of

SEVEN Magazine?

VISIT WiseChoices.ca OR CALL 1-888-901-9700

PK Podium

From good to disaster Creation was perfect. Then along came sin...

by Ron Hannah Remember that story, once upon a time, or should I say, in the beginning?

The perfect couple lived in an ideal environment and they experienced what true love and joy could be like when all they knew was “good.” They experienced what it was like to be patient with each other, to be kind, understanding, gentle and faithful.

Every day was a true adventure of working together, exploring together and treating each other with love, respect and dignity. But then...

Disaster strikes! Dad had told them they could live this way forever as long as they listened to His wisdom and didn’t get tricked into disobeying the warnings he had provided for them. But, in a moment of weakness and believing there might be even “more” to life than this perfect experience He’d provided for them, they made a bad choice. The villain of our story, wearing an innocuous disguise, slyly deceived them into going against what their loving Father had told them not to do.

The result?

Evil entered their perfect world and with it came pride, jealousy, envy, selfishness, hatred and all the other elements that complete the recipe for sin. Now that evil had been invited into an environment that knew only “good,” it created the ideal conditions for conflict to be born and flourish.

Conflict is the result of two opposites clashing, both struggling to have their way. In this case it is the titanic

struggle between good and evil, both trying to dominate your life. That leaves us with our “choices,” and ultimately the choices we make determine our destiny.

This means that no matter where you are—at work, home, playing sports or wherever—you will be presented with areas of potential conflict. Human nature is going to want you to choose its way but Dad, in His wisdom, is always going to be there to offer you the other choice. He sent his Son to defeat evil and after that victory was achieved, He sent us His Spirit as a Counsellor for conflict resolution.

As we await the return of the original environment, we still have to make choices. You will know if you are making the right choices because the fruit of those choices will be to experience what the Spirit is providing. On the other hand, you will know when you are making the wrong choices by experiencing the fruit of what our villain brought to the story.

Choose wisely, guided by His Spirit, knowing that the ideal environment will return once again. And, as promised, the story ends with all of His children living happily ever after.

Ron Hannah is president of Promise Keepers Canada. His passion is to serve God and challenge men to be followers of Jesus Christ.

Before joining Promise Keepers in 1998, Ron was a marketing manager for Hershey Foods and vice-president at Duracell Canada.

He and his wife Joei reside in Burlington, Ontario, while his two sons, daughters-in-law and four grandchildren live in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 5

Help wanted

Fear of conflict. Wayward son.

Ungodly influence.

by Rod Wilson One of the members of our church leadership team just quit his volunteer role because he does not feel comfortable with the pastor. How do I help him see that he is just avoiding conflict?

Quitting in order to avoid conflict is alive and well in church life and it is not easy to resolve. This situation may require you to buy your friend a lunch and chat about a few issues around conflict.

The research on conflict typically describes five styles for resolving it— competing, collaborating, compromising, accommodating and avoiding. All of us have a style and it usually develops as a result of some of combination of our family of origin, significant experiences, personal preferences or firm conviction. It is difficult to talk someone out of his conflict resolution style because it is deeply embedded.

Those who quit something to avoid conflict are usually telling us, implicitly, that conflict is threatening, frightening and challenging. They are pursuing a safe and easy position because entering into the conflict will be overwhelming. As we watch this happen it is important to not just criticize them for avoiding conflict but also to understand that they are reaching for safety because they are afraid, even if they have trouble admitting it.

Often individuals who leave church roles because of conflict have lost sight of the common good. Instead of asking, “what is best for the church?” they are more occupied with their own fears.

Sometimes we need to encourage people to not just go on autopilot, pursuing the conflict resolution style that comes most naturally, but to step out and go against their typical style and do what is best for all. Not only do churches need this in their volunteer leaders but the paid staff need that kind of integrity as well. Too many people are letting their pastor know they are uncomfortable by leaving a position or, worse yet, by leaving the church.

My 15-year-old son told me he has been sexually intimate with his girlfriend.

How can I make him understand how wrong this is and the danger he is in?

It brings me great comfort to know that God the Father goes through this problem on a daily basis. How can you make your children do what is right and why do they mess up so regularly?

What makes this situation wrong for you?

That question might make you feel frustrated because you are more interested in asking him questions than asking any of yourself, but this is an important issue. Is he embarrassing you by what he is doing?

Are you seeing this behaviour as a reflection of bad parenting and thus you are holding yourself somehow responsible? Are you worried his girlfriend will get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease?

Or do you believe he is violating God’s desire?

While we do not get excited when our children tell us these kinds of things, horizontal confession is not only a good start toward right living, it is also an indication that the relationship between the parent and the teen allows for this kind of transparency.

Having an open relationship does not always guarantee peace and tranquility, but it is a lot better than deceit.

If your son’s attitude is contrite and repentant, for you to grant forgiveness and grace puts you in step with God the Father.

While He knows we sin and fall short on a regular basis, He consistently displays a character of mercy. Parents who soak themselves in God’s grace and mercy for their own lives are able to be the conduit for these qualities in the lives of their children, constantly trusting that there will be a long term impact.

But what do I, as a parent, do when the behaviour persists and nothing I say brings any change? Those of us who have lived that experience have a short answer: Cry for mercy.

I am in my second marriage and share custody of my children with their nonChristian mom. How do I help my kids grow to follow Jesus when they are surrounded with the opposite message while with their mom?

All of us, whether parenting alone, with a spouse who is present or with a spouse who is absent, need to remember that children are a gift from God and not a personal possession. While this does not reduce our conscientiousness and care for our children, it helps us realize that our children are in His hands and He loves them and cares for them. Ultimately, any human care is of much less significance than the care that God provides.

Our biggest influence on others is usually found in our lifestyle, not our words.

The Bible describes it beautifully when it says those who live their lives with integrity “make the teaching about God our Saviour attractive” (Titus 2:10). Christian parents who live with integrity will have an impact in the lives of children, sometimes immediately but often in the future.

If you believe that truth ultimately will win over evil, and if you believe that a Christian environment has the capacity to move people toward a right and righteous life, then there is no need to be insecure about the presence of a non-Christian environment. When you send your children to school, allow them to play with friends and send them to their mom’s house, you do it with the conviction that it is not inevitable that error will negate what is right.

Often in these situations it is good to pray not just for the protection of the children from their non-Christian mom, but for the influence of the children in a setting that is spiritually challenging.

Rod Wilson is president of Regent College in Vancouver, where he also serves as professor of Counselling and Psychology. He is the author of How Do I Help a Hurting Friend: Practical Help for Leaders and Laypeople (BakerBooks, 2006).

Could you use some help? Don’t shy away from asking. Send your questions to dkoop@christianweek.org. seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 6

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www.PromiseKeepers.ca

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pulse

Curiousities. Personalities.

Ideas. Information.

by Robert White PULSE Editor

CHAOS BREAKS ON THE DARK KNIGHT During one of the final scenes of The Dark Knight—the latest movie in the Batman franchise—Batman (played

by Christian Bale) explains the Joker’s motives to one of the film’s main characters: “He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.”

The question of who’s good, who’s bad and how the two are defined is the movie’s main theme—but how that plays out and who’s who seems to change from one scene to the next.

The Dark Knight isn’t the Adam West, or even the Michael Keaton/George Clooney, hero some of us grew up with. Starting with Batman Begins, the films have become darker, much closer to the vigilante Batman Bob Kane created in the early DC Comics of the 1940s. As Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) says at the end of the film, Batman is “the hero Gotham deserves, not the one it needs right now…He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector…a dark knight.”

The plot seems simple: Batman’s spent a year secretly working with the Gotham City Police Department cleaning up crime.

Newly-elected District Attorney, Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), is brought in as the white knight ready to charge (literally and figuratively) the crime bosses and clean up the city for good.

Then the Joker (Heath Ledger), a psychotic criminal who sees “the only sensible way to live in this world is without rules,” is added to this explosive mix.

Batman is faced with a villain he can’t understand or reason with. As his faithful butler, Alfred (Michael Caine), points out, “some men aren’t looking for anything logical…Some men just want to watch the world burn.”

As the Joker plays, Gotham descends into chaos. He pushes people—including Dent, Batman and Gordon—to make choices for which there’s more than one right or wrong answer. This pushes them toward

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a madness where each races to the edge.

Some fall, or fly, off—fulfilling Dent’s prophetic words that some are destined to “either die a hero or live long enough to see (themselves) become the villain.”

Others find the strength to pull back just before they go over the edge.

It’s anarchy the Joker wants and anarchy he almost gets. In the exchange Batman has mentioned earlier, the bitter response was “and he was right.” Which leads to a question that lingers long after the film is over: if the good, like Batman, Dent and Gordon almost, or do, descend into darkness, can anyone? Because, as the Joker says, “madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push.”

The filmmakers left an opening for a sequel, although the question of whether the Joker will return still needs to be answered because of Ledger’s untimely death. And there seems to be a glimmer of hope to the lingering questions in Batman’s words: “Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.”

REMEMBER SOLDIERS WITH CARE PACKAGES, CARDS OR HOCKEY JERSEYS

On Remembrance Day, a time Canadians remember those who died serving their country, set some time aside to remember the 8,000 men and women serving with the

Canadian Forces abroad—including the nearly 2,500 in Afghanistan.

Paul Beckingham, chaplain for the British Columbia Regiment (Duke of Connaught’s Own), a reserve unit from Vancouver, suggests care packages while Leonard Blackmore, whose son Tim just finished his first six-month deployment in Kandahar, suggests cards and letters.

“Let them know you care,” says Blackmore, whose own 26 years in the Canadian Forces began with the RCAF and ended at Calgary’s Southern Alberta Institute of Technology as the university liaison officer. Tim, who usually works in a recruiting office, went to Afghanistan as part of the Kandahar reconstruction unit’s support staff. Blackmore says the cards and letters can “be a real encouragement while they’re there.”

Beckingham says care packages can contain everything from Gatoradetype crystals (for rehydration), hand cream, pocket-size packs of tissues, portable games, books and magazines and reminders of home like photos and postcards of Canada. “Boredom is a big thing,” says Beckingham. “They could be waiting for action for days. It’s like the airline pilot who described his job as 99 per cent boredom and one per cent sheer terror.”

Port Perry’s Jane Twohey uses signed hockey jerseys to show support for the men and women serving in Afghanistan.

“The original goal was to send two teams of jerseys, one red, one white,” says Twohey.

She eventually connected with, and gave a jersey to former chief of defense staff Rick Hillier—who then arranged to get 52 to Kandahar, which were handed out as draw prizes on Canada Day. Twohey says she’s sent 90 jerseys to Afghanistan.

As word has spread, others started buying jerseys, getting them signed locally and sending them to the troops. Twohey suggests people find a local hero and send it to them. Money raised from the sales goes to either the Wounded Warrior fund or the Canadian Hero fund (which funds the post-secondary education of children who have had a parent killed in service).

For details on sending care packages or messages, check http://www.dnd.ca /site/community/messageboard/index_ e.asp and for Twohey’s program, check http://www.teamredtakeastand.com/ home.html.

MORE MEN BECOMING STAY-AT-HOME DADS

More men are becoming stay-at-home dads after taking a paternity leave. Just how many is difficult to gauge, but Statistics Canada suggests 10 per cent of fathers who take leave after a child’s birth or adoption don’t return to work. This doesn’t include men who decide to work part-time or who quit working without taking a leave first.

Academics have different opinions about this development. Some scholars believe the trend points to growing equality in the labour market. Others suggest stay-at-home

dads point to the deconstruction of gender roles. And some say stay-at-home dads are actually mothering.

Academic theories are meaningless and trivial to parents who are busy with routines like those of the Mason household. When Lance Mason was laid-off for a second time from a job in the volatile hi-tech sector, he and his wife decided he’d stay home to maintain a stable, nurturing and dependable environment for the couple’s two children.

“It’s almost like being a CEO of a company. You have limited time and you’re trying to figure out where you should selectively spend that time,” says Mason, who hasn’t been to the office in five years.

Canadian parents are thinking about their kids, not gender deconstruction or feminist theory. A GPC Research poll commissioned by the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada in the spring of 2006 found more than 80 per cent of Canadians prefer to have a parent at home. Statistics Canada reports 81 per cent of parents who return to work after parental leave would stay off longer if they could afford it.

Even if fathers aren’t staying home, more Canadian men are using the Federal Parental Benefits Program that increased shared paid benefit weeks from 10 to 35 weeks in 2001.

There was a 17 per cent increase in the use of benefits by fathers between 2000 and 2006. A majority take time off around the birth of a child, and some even take unpaid leave or use vacation time.

A number of studies show children want to spend more time with their parents. Time playing with fathers contributes to cognitive development and social competence. And a study of children whose fathers accounted for 40 per cent or more of their care found these children were smarter, mastered environments better and were more empathetic.

“I don’t know, at the end of day, how this will come out in my kids lives,” says Mason.

“But I feel like they’re growing up in a stable environment where they can come home from school or during the summer time, that there’s always someone—a member of the family there.”

Reprinted with permission of the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada.

TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PLANTS Authors have used sharks, samurai and guerrillas as images to teach leadership.

Emmanuel Bible College president Derrick Mueller has dug up a new one: the amaryllis bulb. Mueller, who’s on sabbatical to promote The Amaryllis Way, unearthed the principle planting tulips in his garden.

“I realized if I treated people like plants— different plants need different soils to grow, they bloom differently—if I treated people individually, they’d grow,” says Mueller.

He thought about using the tulip image until someone pointed him to an amaryllis bulb.

“They’re like a big softball. And when it grows it’s just one big, green stem until, all of a sudden, four trumpet flowers come out.”

Mueller grafted the amaryllis imagery into his 15 years of experience as an organizational leader and business consultant to create The Amaryllis Way. The new parable-based book—similar to Ken Blanchard’s The One Minute Manager and Jim Brown’s The Imperfect Board Member— answers the question: “How do you develop people who are growing?”

The gardening motif illustrates Mueller’s eight principles—picture, plan, plough, plan, protect, prune, pollinate and propagate—depicting various gardening methods while condensing a textbook full of leadership theory into eight words.

Mueller has already taught these ideas to police officers, librarians and human resource professionals for the last four years. (continues page 10)

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pulse

One company, a call centre in Kingston, prides itself on being an “amaryllis company.”

Written from a Christian worldview, but not written as a Christian book, The Amaryllis Way can also be used as “soft core evangelism,” says Mueller.

“It’s designed to be a ministry in the workplace where Christian businessmen can promote biblical values.”

For more on The Amaryllis Way check wwww.theamarylisway.com

STALKING THE ELUSIVE CHRISTMAS GIFT By 8:55 p.m. on December 24, most men with wives or girlfriends fall into one of two camps: those frantically searching for a Christmas gift, card and wrapping paper among empty store shelves or those who already bought, wrapped and placed these gift(s) under the tree and are sitting by the fireplace in their easy chair sipping a nice mug of egg nog.

By nature, men don’t shop...they hunt for either pleasure or necessity.

Pleasure hunters can be seen in empty shopping malls or department stores in early November with a list in hand, proudly bearing down on the perfect gift.

Hunters of necessity are found in empty coffee shops at 10 p.m.

Christmas Eve hoping the matching travel and coffee mug set isn’t the same one bought the year before.

Whether hunting for pleasure or necessity,

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here are some Christmas shopping tips: If your game is a new dress or sweater, know this about your prey: the proper size, colour and style. This may require covert action like paying attention to what your loved one has worn in the last month and/or sneaking into her closet to look at the size tag—(If she has removed this so she won’t be reminded of their size, you’re sunk.)

Never, ever, ever under any circumstance, ask her about her size unless you’re prepared to accept the inevitable emotional meltdown.

If it’s shiny, has a motor and makes “vroom, vroom” noises, while you may find it the perfect gift for yourself, you probably shouldn’t buy it—either for yourself or her.

However, dropping gift hints around your loved one is perfectly acceptable.

If it’s silver, gold or platinum, comes with a chain or shiny jewel, is placed on a finger, wrist, in an ear or around a neck—and costs twice your yearly salary—it will probably result in tears of happiness when she unwraps it and tears of sorrow when you pay the bill.

And unless your wife/girlfriend has a library the size of the Library and Archives of Canada, a book is the last thing you want to buy. That is, unless, she’s been talking about Oprah’s book club pick for the last month. And never, ever buy her a cookbook unless you’re prepared to eat at McDonald’s for the next month.

Only as a last resort, or unless she is truly a woman who has everything, buy a gift card. If you have to do this, make sure it’s from a store your wife shops at regularly and not the mega-hardware store that has the shiny thing with the motor that goes “vroom, vroom.”

Happy hunting!

“The biggest challenge in Christendom has to do with the Word of God and the use of the Word of God. It’s quite possible to say all the right and proper things about the Bible and not to be really immersed in it on a daily basis so that it really shapes one’s thinking and temperament.”—Lutheran Church-Canada president Robert Bugbee

GENIUS CLUB LACKS ACTING GENIUS Now that Cloud Ten Pictures has settled a lawsuit with Left Behind series author Tim LaHaye, it’s started making and releasing films again. (LaHaye sued Cloud Ten after the first Left Behind movie was released, claiming it wasn’t the $40-million movie he was promised and that they changed the distribution arrangements.

The agreement ends all the disputes and gives LaHaye a chance to make a Left Behind film in his image by a specific deadline— or the rights revert back to Cloud Ten which may make a fourth film based on the 16book series.)

The Genius Club is one of the first new DVDs Cloud Ten has released. Stephen Baldwin (The Usual Suspects) and Tricia Helfer (Battlestar Galactica) star as two of seven of the world’s most brilliant minds—all with IQs over 200. Each is pulled from their daily life—Baldwin as a pizza delivery man—and challenged by an international terrorist to stop a nuclear explosion…by solving the world’s problems in one night.

The film’s great dialogue has the seven geniuses trying to answer the villain’s (Tom Sizemore of Blackhawk Down) questions

and come up with the bomb’s three-word password. In what could have been a septet of talking heads, writer/director Tim Chey keeps the action moving between the team defusing the bomb and the geniuses decoding Armand’s puzzle.

But that’s the problem with The Genius Club. While Chey produces a tightly-written script which will give the viewer lots to think about once the DVD player has stopped, he fails to produce as tightly-acted a film.

Each of the geniuses has an interesting backstory—which affects their answers to Armand’s questions—but their acting doesn’t draw in the viewer enough to care about them and whether or not they save the world.

Still, The Genius Club is worth watching.

Armand’s questions are the questions of eternity and those many ask—especially the three-word password which, in the end, becomes a much larger bomb than the one Armand threatened to explode.

DVD NAILS IT TO THE CHURCH When does religious satire stop being funny and become mean? Vancouver’s Murray Stiller traveled 20,000 kilometres in planes, trains and automobiles to answer that question in the new DVD Nailin’ It to the Church.

The documentary, the first for the veteran film editor and sound designer, began as a thesis proposal.

When Stiller proposed the idea of a biting, religious satire for a Regent College course, they told him it was too cynical and mean.

“Why not do a documentary about why religious satire is cynical and mean?” Stiller asked himself— and birthed the project.

Starting with a broad focus, Stiller wanted to “find the grey line between when religious satire goes from being

years. For more about the documentary go to http://www.nailinittothechurch.com.

CONNECT MARRIAGE, WORK FOR MORE EFFECTIVE WORKPLACE

socially redemptive and when it becomes destructive.”

Research led from the origins of the Greek and Roman satirists to gentle, self-reflective satirists like Garrison Keillor (Prairie Home Companion) and Stuart McLean (CBC’s “Vinyl Café”) and harsh, biting satirists like Bill Maher (“Politically Incorrect” and “Real Time with Bill Maher”) and the late George Carlin.

The focus narrowed on The Wittenburg Door, a satirical magazine that’s skewered sacred cows since the early 1970s.

“The people at The Wittenburg Door were the first I thought of. As the kid of a youth minister and grandson of a Pentecostal preacher, The Wittenburg Door was regularly found in the stack of reading material under our coffee table. I read it right alongside my MAD magazine,” recalls Stiller.

In the end, Nailin’ It to the Church looks at who can and can’t satirize the church, along with what should or shouldn’t be a target of satire. Stiller wants viewers to think critically about what’s being satirized: the questions about the meaning of faith and practising what we preach.

Nailin’ It to the Church debuts at the Dallas Video Festival in November. Stiller then plans to take it to festivals across Canada and the U.S. over the next few

A popular business book in the 1970s and 1980s was What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School. Whether at Harvard, Ivey or Schulich, you’ll find almost no information about the effects of marriage on business success or the growth or decline of the stock market.

Business schools have bought into the systematic secularization of everything financial and isolated balance sheets from balanced lifestyles. Even Christians have endorsed the separation of work and family, which has weakened both.

Your marriage matters to God as you take part in the 9 to 5 window. The obvious conclusion of God’s design and purpose is that for the Christian, an intimate marriage relationship is important to Him and to His kingdom work. Our work is to love our spouse as we’re loved by Christ, and work in the office or the plant in a way that honours the marriage relationship of all associates, customers and employees.

This “mystery” has eternal significance and can’t be ignored by those who want to honour God at work or who expect God to bless their business. God will ask the question: “So how’s your marriage—how are you growing in your love life at home?”

A harmonious love relationship with God and with your spouse produces some pretty special “fruit.” It isn’t a stretch of the imagination to conclude a CEO or employee is in a better position to lead or to work when they have peace of mind and a contented spirit. It’s also reasonable to assume conflict, frustration or dissatisfaction at home will affect a

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pulse

man or woman’s performance at work.

Ed Silvoso, a popular speaker and author who deals extensively with marriage and the workplace, claims better intimacy in the bedroom produces better productivity in the boardroom. A healthy marriage reduces stress, eliminates most “other gender” attractions and contributes to innovative and creative work habits.

It guarantees nothing, but establishes a great foundation for success in the complex world of the work place.

Gerry Organ is the director of national initiatives for OneWayMinistries. A version of this originally appeared in Business Life, Spring 2008.

POST-RAPTURE PET CARE From the “can you believe this” files: a company in the U.S. is offering to take care of your pets after you’ve been raptured.

Listed on www.craigslist.org, an online classified ad service, the ad was flagged in craigslist’s “best of.”

In a note to those who’d flag it as a scam, the advertiser wrote: “Over half the United States is concerned about what will happen to their pets after the rapture.

Please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted, just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted.”

AUTHOR EXPLORES GENESIS 1 ‘WITHOUT ANY ANIMOSITY’ In his latest book, Canadian-born author Sigmund Brouwer tackles creation.

Inspired by a question from his daughter Savannah, Brouwer wrote Who Made the Moon? In it, a father explores how faith and science agree “for those who have doubts about their faith because of what science appears to be telling them in contradiction to Genesis 1.”

Brouwer, whose books include the novels Broken Angel and Fuse of Armageddon, says he runs into many people who have difficulty accepting the rest of the Bible “because they can’t see Genesis as a true account of creation.”

Who Made the Moon? addresses issues such as the debate on whether the word “day” in Genesis is a literal 24-hour period that doesn’t allow for any other understanding of the meaning.

“What I’m really hoping is that this allows us the room to open the door to discuss Genesis 1 without any animosity,” he said. “As parents, we can agree to not be threatened by any discussion that takes us away from a 24-hour day of creation, and we can look at Genesis from a few different perspectives.”

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“For a small deposit of only $50 US, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time you’re raptured until the end of their natural life,” reads the ad. “They’ll get adequate food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I’d imagine there will be a lot of pets abandoned that will need to be cared for.”

There’s no fear the service will disappear with the rapture—unless the owner has a conversion experience: “As an atheist, I’ll surely still be here on this earth post-rapture and would love to look after your pets and make sure they’re still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You’ll be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Don’t let my atheism scare you! I’m a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.”

Does it matter if people trust you at work?

A study by Watson Wyatt Worldwide shows shareholder returns were 42 per cent higher in companies where employees trusted top executives. But only half of the employees surveyed trusted their senior managers.

“It’s OK for men to get in each other’s faces and to challenge each other. In the New Testament, conflict is fine but division is wrong. They’re not one and the same.

What we’ve done is ‘girlified’ Christianity so the big emphasis is on peace, getting along, and being kind and sweet.

Evangelical churches today are debating tough issues, but the minute argument starts, people’s knees start shaking. But if you look at the New Testament, they wrestled over issues.

It’s true we should be at peace, but we should be able to get in each other’s faces and challenge each other. We don’t have to agree about everything. It’s OK to debate things.”

—Mark Gungor, author of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage and senior pastor of Celebration Church in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

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Coffee, conflict and other delights of life

GOD BUILT: SHAPED BY GOD… IN THE BAD AND GOOD OF LIFE

By Steve Farrar Steve Farrar is no stranger to Promise Keepers. He speaks (and writes) with a blunt understanding of men’s strengths (and foibles) and a straightforward presentation of Christian truths.

God Built is an extended examination of the fascinating life of Joseph, a biblical character whose life had more ups and downs than a yo-yo.

He knew extreme failure and great success, abject betrayal and incredible good fortune. Using plenty of football illustrations, Farrar extracts principles from Joseph’s experience and applies them to the familiar terrain of the average North American male. His main point? God is in control regardless of how bad things might seem. Stick with the game plan, which is godly integrity in everyday life.

THE PEACEMAKER: HANDLING CONFLICT WITHOUT FIGHTING BACK OR RUNNING AWAY

By Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson No matter who we are or where we live, we will end up at loggerheads with somebody about something. That’s the way life is. Learning to respond well to conflict is an important skill and the authors do a good job of explaining how. Sande understands that human beings deal with conflict in three main ways: Some “fake peace,” escaping the discomfort by pasting on a smile and shrugging it off. Others “break peace,”

aggressively pursing their own interests with little or no regard to others. Those who “make peace” aim to resolve clashes by looking for solutions that create real justice and authentic harmony. How do you know when it’s best to overlook something and when to take a forthright stand? What do you do with unreasonable people? Sande has sound advice for these and countless other questions about the hard realities of human conflict.

THE MASTER CARPENTER: DEVOTIONS FOR WOODWORKERS

By Hugh Poland Talk about specialty tools— a whole book of Christian devotions crafted especially for woodworkers.

(This comes from the same author who, we’re told, “scored a homerun with his first book, Steal Away: Devotions for Baseball Fans.”) Carpentry provides plenty of bits and pieces for life analogies and biblical insights. From plans, to tools, to materials, to finishing, Poland finds ways to hammer home a point about Christian living. Three short pages about importance of having the right tool for the right job and being the right man in the right place concludes: “You are a tool in God’s hands in your local church. Are you the right tool in the right toolbox, ready to be used for the right task?”

GOOGLING GOD: SEARCHING FOR A FAITH YOU CAN BELIEVE IN

By John Cox Join John Cox on his lifelong search for a credible God. He is a personable guide who grew up in South Africa, studied in England and Canada and worked in a variety

of business and counselling positions before taking his current job as a pastor on Vancouver Island. He knows about doubt; he knows about depression; he knows about longing for something better; he knows about the ongoing search for meaning and he knows a few things about finding as well. Cox is a pilgrim inviting others to join him on a journey to discover the delights of God’s ways in the world.

WHEN GOD GOES TO STARBUCKS: A GUIDE TO EVERYDAY APOLOGETICS

By Paul Copan This is a good book for people who like to win arguments.

Copan brings a wealth of research and reasoning to bear on a host of common objections to a Christian worldview.

He addresses, for example, questions like “What’s wrong with gay marriage?” and “Don’t people from all religions experience God?” He also deals with perceived problems with Christianity itself: “How can the psalmists say such vindictive, hateful things?” and “Why are Christians so divided?” There’s a lot of information here. Some will find it helpful to build wisdom and understanding. Others will use it to bolster arguments.

“We need gracious, respectful relationships with our peers,” says Copan. “It is God’s Spirit in the end that will awaken, convict and provoke. Not us.” May it be so.

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features

“Holy hostility, Batman! They’re really out to get us.” So might the dialogue have developed between Robin and the caped crusader in the lingo of the original Batman TV series. It would have occurred while ducking punches and chairs thrown by villainous henchmen.

Heroes and superheroes though, are not alone in facing conflict. Those of us who don’t don masks and tights experience it on a regular basis even if the opponents we face are not evil personified, like the Joker from The Dark Knight, nor are the stakes we play for quite so high. We all, however, must learn to handle conflict effectively if we are to experience healthy relationships and enjoy life to its fullest.

Conflict occurs in every arena of life—

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not just those where sports are played.

We encounter it at work, at home and with our neighbours. Growing up in suburban Montreal, I remember being terrified by my family’s next-door neighbour, Mr. C. He was a grey-haired man with a George Hamilton tan and terrycloth golf shirts who was the scourge of the neighbourhood.

If a Frisbee or baseball landed behind the hedges guarding his property, it was usually never seen again. If we ever dared a search and rescue of the missing projectile, it was taken on with the stealth and purpose of Navy Seals.

I know my father viewed conversations with Mr. C as a real cross to bear. On one occasion I heard my father set aside his usual patient stance to tell him he was sick

of his constant carping; it was a delight to my young ears. Even better, on a Sunday afternoon while family friends from church were enjoying lunch on our patio, Mr. C intruded on our gathering to deliver his latest list of complaints.

It was amazing to watch the transformation of Mr. C’s disgruntled face as one of our guests greeted him by his first name.

He stammered a rare polite hello and quickly left. As it happened, our family friend was a direct superior of Mr. C’s at his workplace.

Our neighbourly conflict was substantially reduced after that encounter.

If you’re not friends with your quarrelsome neighbour’s boss, however, what’s a man to do?

! s t o p s t o H y l o H Managing conflict in a

by Bruce Soderholm

Love thy neighbour as thyself?

Conflict between neighbours has been around as long as there have been people to live beside. If it’s not the noise from the flamenco dancers in the apartment above that drives you to distraction, it will be the back-to-the-jungle lawn next door that lowers your property value.

It may be comforting for the average Joe to know that even celebrities are not immune. Madonna was made to trim her hedges by court order in 1992, while Sean Connery, shaken and stirred, was ordered by a New York judge to settle differences with his downstairs neighbour. One of the best-known neighbour conflicts on this continent was the Hatfield-McCoy feud fought on the Kentucky-West Virginia border between 1880 and 1891. By the time the smoke cleared and the graves were dug, more than a dozen people from both families had been killed.

While this is an obvious extreme, it does underscore the importance of managing conflict in its initial stages before it spirals out of control.

When push comes to shove between neighbours, the typical interventions are likely to involve complaints to police, civil litigation, and eventually court orders.

In these internet savvy days, neighbours may even be publicly shamed on rottenneighbors.com. Recently though,

conflic ted

more conflicts are being resolved with the use of mediation. Involving a trained third party to manage a dispute typically results in greater success because rather than focusing on the blame game or obtaining a court-ordered judgment, the two parties are brought together and lines of communication are opened.

Since most disputes aren’t black and white, it is the open dialogue that helps the two parties come to agreement. It is rare to find a conflict where both parties haven’t contributed to the problem and if each party can take some ownership of the issue, a middle ground is easier to reach.

According to Keith Regehr, a professional mediator who has extensive experience in conflict resolution with families, workplaces and churches, mediation is not necessarily a high growth industry. “When a marriage is breaking up,” says Regehr, “how many people say ‘I’m going to call my mediator?’”

Not many—they’re going to call their lawyer.

Nevertheless, with the prohibitive expense of engaging lawyers, litigating and making court appearances, many more families in conflict are taking advantage of what mediation has to offer, according to Lou Coppola, an experienced mediator in Niagara Region.

The benefits of mediation may even transcend the financial gain. Coppola notes that on a few occasions, divorcing

world

couples who use mediation to minimize the fallout for their kids and who’ve worked really hard at co-parenting “look at each other and say ‘You know what? Why are we not together?’ And they reconcile.”

Face the inevitable As a baseline, the most important thing to recognize is that in life, conflict is inevitable. It’s not a question of what you should do “if” conflict arises—it will.

It’s what you will do “when” it arrives that counts. Conflict occurs when there is opposition or “perceived” opposition to our individual needs, values, and interests. Since we live in a fallen world and are predisposed towards looking out for our best interests we are likely to see others’ claims on our lives (e.g. bosses, spouses, children) as conflicting with our own goals and desires.

Author Robert Bacal differentiates between two different types of interpersonal conflicts: personalized and substantive.

The first of these is often referred to as a personality conflict. This type is fuelled primarily by emotion and perceptions about another’s personality, character, and motives. This is the guy at work who just rubs you the wrong way. (continues on page 16)

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 15

features

This is the guy who, even if he brought you your double-double from your favourite Tim Horton’s, you’d suspect of poisoning you. Unfortunately, he feels the same way about you.

That’s why problem solving on an individual issue rarely works–both parties aren’t interested in solving the problem.

This conflict will only get worse with time since each person looks for, and expects there to be, problems. To make progress with this type of conflict, you need first to learn to respect each other as human beings—people made in the image of God. Substantive conflict is about differing decisions, ideas, directions and actions.

It’s when what you want is at odds with other people’s goals. It can stem from differing needs: you feel the need to avoid conversation after talking to customers for eight hours, but your wife may need to converse with an adult after teaching sixyear- olds all day. It may stem from competition: think five family members running for a single washroom after Spicy Burrito Night at Taco Bell. It could also stem from false assumptions: you’re angry because you assume your teenage son was too lazy to empty the dishwasher, but in reality he didn’t only because the dishwasher was broken.

It is tempting to believe that if we could eliminate false perceptions on issues we could eliminate conflict. If the facts were obvious—for instance, how many pieces of cake were left in the fridge and who had access to them before they disappeared— then we could really solve the problem.

Regehr suggests that notion is a fool’s errand because, to use a borrowed phrase, “perception is reality.” He points out that even if, in a husband-wife dispute over how money was spent or how in-laws were treated, you could supply videotape evidence of what was said or done, “it would just add a third perception.

Both parties would see in the tape what they want to see.”

For that reason, when Regehr is involved with mediating disputes at the workplace, he stays away from focusing on individual issues. He holds that the root problem

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 16

of interpersonal conflict is poor communication. He fears that zeroing in on solving a specific issue will just be a temporary fix and that a new conflict will surface a week later if people don’t learn how to communicate well with each other.

Communication then, is the vehicle for resolving differences.

Practical steps To resolve interpersonal conflicts, parties must have a realistic understanding of what’s possible. The Apostle Paul gives

“Paul understood that you can’t take responsibility for other people’s actions or reactions you don’t have control over them, but you do have control over yourself.”

some very practical advice when he says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Rom. 12:18 NIV). Paul understood that you can’t take responsibility for other people’s actions or reactions. You don’t have control over them, but you do have control over yourself.

For that same reason, Lou Coppola advises that when you go to address a conflict you should “check your self [and your ego] at the door.” He also emphasizes not getting sidetracked: “Address the [primary] issue; don’t let it get swept under the carpet.”

When Regehr is asked what the three most important pieces of advice he would give

to men to deal with interpersonal conflict, he counts off his fingers, “Listen. Listen.

And listen.”

Add to that the wisdom of good communication principles: • State your concern clearly and simply • Agree on a time limit for the discussion • Own your part in the problem • Be honest and share openly Beyond that, remember to …

• Speak calmly • Check for clarity often • Deal with the present (e.g. don’t bring up the past) • Offer workable solutions It’s worth asking, what the payoff is for all the effort you put into conflict resolution.

Most notably it will reduce the amount of stress in your life—the kind of stress that leads to ulcers, anxiety disorders and high blood pressure, among other things. You will also gain confidence in your ability to deal directly with conflict instead of just avoiding it, and that in turn will result in stronger and healthier relationships.

And the key once more? It is as Adam West’s Batman would typically say to his sidekick Robin, “Listen, old chum...”

Bruce Soderholm is a freelance writer from St. Catharines, Ontario.

MODELS FOR APPROACHING CONFLICT In 1976, researchers Thomas and Kilman identified five models for dealing with conflict. These approaches are labeled as follows: avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise and collaboration.

These may be more helpfully seen as descriptive rather than prescriptive.

Ask yourself which style best describes you.

Consider the following case study as to how each approach might appear: You are the head coach for a local hockey team with a young assistant to help.

The players are children (7-8 years old) and you have assured them and their parents that the team is all about having fun, learning the game, and receiving equal playing

opportunities. As the season progresses, your chance to win the championship improves, and you start to give more ice time to the better-skilled players. One day a parent and the assistant coach confront you on what they perceive to be a growing inequity in playing time. How do you respond?

In the avoidance model you refuse to acknowledge there’s a problem. You don’t respond to telephone calls or e-mails. You walk away from those who want to discuss the issue.

In the accommodation model, you hear their concerns and even though you wish you could do things differently, you surrender and accommodate their wishes.

In the competition model, you assert your position as head coach and disregard the

opinions of others. You rely on your positional authority to get what you want.

In the compromise model, you hear the concerns of parents and your assistant but you don’t give up your interest in winning.

You might concede more ice time for the less-skilled players. Neither party really feels like a winner.

In the collaboration model, you meet with all the concerned parties. If the conflict has become very heated, you might involve a mediator. After all parties have been heard and their concerns presented, you collectively come to a consensus as to how to complete the season. With the opportunity for negotiation, all parties can feel like they are part of the solution.

— Bruce Soderholm

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seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 17

Designed to be warriors Why mixed martial arts battles are so popular

iStockphoto.com

features

by Jerrad Peters On September 7, 2008, Rashad Evans knocked out Chuck Liddell at 1:51 in the second round of their battle at UFC 88.

Evans, the winner of Spike TV’s reality show The Ultimate Fighter, prevailed after connecting a vicious right-handed punch with Liddell’s chin—leaving the former Ultimate Fighting Champion in a crumpled heap on the ground.

Why is this relevant? More than 14,000 spectators attended the fight at Philips Arena in Atlanta. The Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) collected over US $2.6 million in gate receipts and millions more from television revenue. Almost exactly a year earlier, the UFC title bout drew almost five million viewers. The mixed martial arts circuit has also recently graced the covers of Sports Illustrated and ESPN The Magazine.

The Ultimate Fighting Championship is relevant because men are tuning in to it.

Millions of them. And they’re watching other men beat the stuffing out of one another on a nightly basis.

The extreme violence of mixed martial arts is already old hat. Turn on your television after dinner or walk into a

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 18

restaurant or sports bar on any given night and you’re bound to see a pair of big, heavily tattooed men sparring in the chain-link cage, throwing bare-knuckled jabs at each other’s heads and kicking one another into a starryeyed oblivion of blood and gore. Republican presidential nominee John McCain once referred to it as “human cockfighting.”

He wasn’t far off. The Ultimate Fighting Championship is not for the faint of heart, or stomach.

Instead, you’d think it would act as a magnet for street kids or college dropouts.

After all, these guys look tough. The kind of men who could cameo on Dog the Bounty Hunter or who wouldn’t appear out of place at a Hell’s Angels convention. Think again.

The cast of characters that makes up the roster of mixed martial arts athletes reads like a who’s who of Ivy League America.

Current heavyweight champion Randy Couture is a three-time Olympian. Light heavyweight champion Forrest Griffin is a University of Georgia graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in political science. UFC Hall of Famer Mark Coleman is both a former Olympian and Miami University graduate.

And Newmarket, Ontario’s Carlos Newton— a former welterweight champion—studied linguistics before taking pre-med at York University.

Yet each of them interrupted their education or abandoned a professional career in the workforce to fight other men on a day-to-day basis. As gifted sportsmen, they might have pursued a stint in pro hockey or football. But that would have filled the wrong void. These athletes, like those who watch them perform, are not articulating a need to play. They’re expressing a desire for battle.

Slate magazine editor David Plotz believes that the UFC has done a brilliant job of capturing what he describes as “the blood-lust in young men.” Kin Pishna, the editor of Mixed Martial Arts Weekly, wholeheartedly agrees.

“Any guy attacking another person— that feeds into the aggressive nature of a young male,” he says. “It’s you against the other guy. You’ve got to stand on your own two feet. Young men live vicariously through that.”

Former World Wrestling Entertainment

(WWE) superstar Ted Dibiase, (The Million Dollar Man), takes it one step further.

“It’s the classic story of good versus evil,” he states. “Never give up; keep holding on, getting knocked down and getting back up.”

To Dibiase, that battle mentality is part and parcel with how God designed men and the role He intended that they assume.

“God made us this way,” he attests. “This is the way God made me.”

He’s got a point. Biblical history is filled with examples of men who felt the call for battle. The disciple Peter made a futile stand against the Roman guards as Jesus was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Joshua overran Israel’s enemies to complete the conquest of the Promised Land. And King David spent much of his life on the run and fighting off his assailants and pursuers.

David, a poet and a warrior, is often depicted as bearing the character of God. “I have found David, son of Jesse, a man after my own heart” (Acts 13:22 NIV).

Steve Masterson, Promise Keepers’ Director of Teaching, Training and Development, points out that God has been doing battle since time immemorial.

“Lucifer wanted to do battle with God,” he says. “Battle began there and He’s still doing battle.”

Moses knew God to be a warrior as well.

After the walls of the Red Sea had decimated Pharaoh’s chariots and cleared the path for the Israelites’ escape from Egypt, he declared, “The Lord is a man of war; the Lord is his name” (Exodus 15:3 NKJV).

Battle is at the heart of God’s character, says Masterson. And a man’s aggressive instincts are not only an expression of his masculinity, but also a reflection of the image of God. Masterson also believes that a man’s built-in desire for battle is simply a yearning to imitate God’s character— “to make visible the invisible qualities and characteristics of who God is.” But, he says, “That passion gets redirected in carnal, sinful ways.”

“Movies and television are more violent than ever,” admits Plotz. And Pishna concurs. “There’s got to be an appeal for the violent nature,” he says. “There’s got to be some of that in there.”

The skyrocketing popularity of mixed martial arts would seem to suggest that a large number of men agree with them.

Activities such as Ultimate Fighting represent the extreme of a man’s craving for combat and produce the blood and physical damage that goes along with it.

“We are designed to be warriors, to do battle,” says Masterson. “But men are going to battle, whether it’s in a business suit or in the UFC.” In other words, men will be men and they will find a battlefield on which to enact their masculinity. Finding the right battlefield is the challenge. The chain-linked octagon of the Ultimate Fighting Championship does not fall into that category. So what does?

“There aren’t a lot of men working in church,” says Dibiase. “What’s missing are men with character and integrity.”

Masterson picks up on that point.

“A pastor can’t fight for all of the men in his church,” he says. “He needs bench strength.”

Both also assert that fathers and husbands need to fight for the hearts of their families. It’s a battle that has undergone a very recent and monumental change.

Where once the role of a husband and father was one of unquestioned authority and leadership, it is now considerably more complicated and confused.

“You’re seeing a big change in how society views the role of a man,” says Pishna, adding that the contemporary male has relinquished his role as the “head of the household and dominant figure in industry.

It’s changed a lot,” he says. “Men are asked to be equal partners with women.”

That partnership has revolutionized the battle. Masterson views it as a “fight for the daughters of Eve—a battle for her heart.”

Still, Dibiase explains that a man’s strong, godly leadership is vital to the modern family. “God designed men to lead,” he says. “This is not a sexist thing. It’s the way God meant it to be.”

Of course, the diminishment of the prototypical, powerful, red-blooded man has become the source of considerable tension in society. And when men sense tension, they act out aggression. Their built-in desire for battle becomes an instinctive longing for physical combat. It is in that longing—that yearning for a masculine expression of battle—that mixed martial arts and the Ultimate Fighting Championship fill a void.

According to Masterson, all men are “trying to satisfy that innate desire to be an image-bearer of God.” They are searching for a battlefield. They want to be led into battle.

But, he concludes, “Fight the right battle.”

Jerrad Peters is on staff at ChristianWeek and covers soccer for the Winnipeg Free Press, ESPN Soccernet, and Soccer 360 magazine.

UFC welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre of Montreal (left) poses with challenger Jon Fitch at a weigh-in for UFC 87 Friday Aug. 8, 2008. UFC president Dana White looks on in the middle. seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 19

features

Shaken and stirred

Don Ranney always lived life on the edge. He once tumbled off.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 20

by Ray Wiseman No one would expect to encounter Professor Emeritus Don Ranney hurtling along a county road on in-line skates.

At age 77, he has lowered his physical expectations somewhat since making parachute jumps as the medic attached to a unit of the British Special Air Service (SAS). However, he hasn’t lost his desire for excitement, and adds a touch more speed when he shifts from skates to his classic Chevrolet Corvette.

Ranney has always lived life on the edge—but sadly, he once tumbled off.

He took degrees in anthropology and medicine at the University of Toronto then moved to England to obtain special surgical qualifications. While there, he joined a reserve unit of the SAS–the same elite and secretive service that inspired Ian Flemming to create James Bond.

While with that group he was trained in covert operations and procedures, including the questionable skill to enter a room and kill everyone in it in six seconds. On the positive side, he taught them how to build a walking cast for men with broken legs— a distinct possibility with any jump into enemy territory. He saw it as a major step up from the accepted practice of putting a bullet in the head of injured comrades rather than allow them to fall into enemy hands.

In England, Ranney not only learned the surgical skills to repair leprosy-ravaged

hands, but also gained a wife and family. They joined a missionary organization and moved to India, fulfilling his childhood dream of becoming a missionary doctor. Professionally, he excelled. For nearly five years he restored function to damaged hands, pioneered new techniques, and wrote groundbreaking articles for medical journals.

But at the personal, spiritual and emotional levels, his life began to come apart. Political battles, racism, deceit and jealousy marked his work environment.

Marital tension further complicated life.

Ranney says of that time: “I found the actual situation was far from what I had expected and left India a discouraged and disillusioned man, broken in spirit, rejected by the mission board, by my wife, and even (I felt) by God.” By the time Ranney returned to Canada, he had lost his faith and become an alcoholic. Then his wife left him, taking the children with her.

Despite the personal problems, he began a new career. His qualifications got him a position on the faculty of the University of Waterloo where he founded the School of Anatomy. But while his career soared, his personal life continued spiraling downward. His own words dictate the extent of his fall from grace: “I smoked marijuana and had easy access to barbiturates and narcotics—only had cocaine once. I realized I had become an alcoholic when I began finishing off other people’s beer after they had left the party (can’t let that precious liquid go to waste!). I had blackouts, but only once got stopped for drunk driving.”

One day during the summer break from

classes, a beautiful redheaded student approached Ranney and invited him to a revival service. Impressed by the young woman, he accepted the invitation even though she made it clear her boyfriend would accompany them. During the meeting the Spirit of God touched him and drew him back into a right relationship with God. When classes resumed in the fall, a group of students challenged him. “Professor, we heard that you found God during the summer. Is that true?”

“No, it is not true,” he answered.

Almost in unison, the class responded, “Hah, we thought so. We knew it couldn’t be true.”

Giving the class a moment to settle down, Ranney said, “The truth is that God found me.”

From that day on students and fellow faculty members could see the change in his lifestyle. His addiction to alcohol and wild parties ended.

Unsuccessful in winning back his first wife, he eventually remarried. Of his first wife he says, “I told her when I married her I would love her forever. I still do, but now I love her as a sister, not a wife.”

Now retired from the University of Waterloo, having taught anatomy for 30 years, Ranney remains active in medical practice and pain research. In free time he rollerblades, skis, drives his sports car, does ballroom dancing and writes. He has shared elements of his story in the novel When Cobras Laugh, with the hope that others in Christian ministry who “live on the edge” might avoid the despair and rejection that accompanies a fall from grace.

Ray Wiseman is a speaker and writer.

His latest book is When Cobras Laugh, a novel he co-authored with Don Ranney. www.raywiseman.ca

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 21

features

The wrap on Hamilton

Former steel salesman helps people put their lives together

Hamilton Downtown Wraparound Project chair David Milmine (l), with Hamilton Tiger-Cat centre Marwan Hage and FTC Canada representative Ryan Fletcher

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 22

by Robert White What do you do when a 6-foot, 2-inch, 291-pound offensive lineman says you’re not doing enough to help the poor? If you’re David Milmine, you put your salesman hat back on and connect with churches to get more food.

Milmine retired from the sales department of one of the major steel factories in Hamilton, Ontario about a year ago, only to find himself busy chairing the city’s Downtown WrapAround Project and working as Promise Keepers Canada’s Southern Ontario-Niagara representative.

As the WrapAround chair, Milmine sits at the table with 35 agencies, all trying to fight poverty. The unique program uses trained facilitators who work closely with a single family, helping determine what kind of help the family needs by “wrapping around” them until “they tell us ‘no, we don’t need you anymore.’”

Through WrapAround, Milmine met Ryan Fletcher from FTC Canada., a Christian international aid organization, based in Guelph, Ontario, which also helps locally through occasional food box drops.

The idea for a Hamilton drop at Thanksgiving came up after Fletcher connected with the Hamilton Tiger-Cats through former player and current coaching consultant Danny McManus.

“Through Danny’s dinner, the Ti-Cats told us they wanted to do something in the community this year with our food boxes,” says Fletcher. “Marwan (Hage) did the turkeys at Thanksgiving every year.”

The initial plan was to give away 500 food boxes and turkeys to five different agencies that are part of the WrapAround Project.

“I told them ‘no.’ I always reach for the sky in everything I do,” says Hage, the Ti-Cats all-star offensive centre. “I wanted to do 1,000. My motto is first class or no class.” Hage is active in the community through Hage’s Heroes—where 60 youth get tickets to a Ti-Cat home game, as well as a meet and greet pizza dinner with Hage

before kickoff.

The pieces to the food box puzzle quickly came into place. Through Milmine’s connections, 35-plus churches collected food. “One pastor told his congregation not to bring consommés or tomato soup, but to bring soup that had substance,” recalls Milmine. Fletcher sent an FTC truck to Hamilton regularly to pick up the food and take back to the warehouse for sorting and packing. And Hage connected with former Ti-Cat (and current Toronto Argonaut defensive tackle) Adriano Belli to buy the turkeys and ham from Belli’s Mariposa Meats distribution and meat packing firm.

On the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, the 1,000 boxes of food left Guelph, the turkeys and ham left Mississauga, and both were taken to five downtown Hamilton agencies. “We’re so pumped that we were able to give that many away,” says Milmine. “It’s (made) a big, big difference.”

Milmine’s charitable work stems from his understanding of the Bible’s command to help widows, the fatherless and the poor.

He’d already been active in his hometown of Hamilton, sitting on various boards

including the Dream Centre and getting involved with the city’s task force and roundtable on poverty—when former Stoney Creek mayor Ann Baine asked him to chair the Downtown WrapAround project.

“God has a reason why He puts people in these places,” says Milmine, who admits he’s still relatively new to the ministry element of what he’s doing. “I left my career at Dofasco’s sales department after 33 years in the steel industry. I knew God had something better for me to do. I knew this was where God wanted me to be.”

“I knew I wanted to make a difference in the community and make a difference in men’s lives. I couldn’t do that at my desk selling steel,” says Milmine, who put threeplus decades of sales experience to use in his new roles with Promise Keepers and WrapAround. “I’m out there meeting people. That’s what I was always good at: getting out there and building relationships.

Now I’m out there meeting people and helping them put things together.”

Robert White is editor of ChristianWeek Ontario and prepares the PULSE department for SEVEN.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 23

features

“O Little Town of Bethlehem”

a palestinian christian perspective

by Richelle Wiseman with Doug Koop

READING THE WRITING ON THE WALL It is very difficult for anybody to understand the complexity of the conflicts in the Middle East. Residents are fond of saying, “If you’re not confused, it’s because you don’t understand the situation.” This reality is especially evident in Bethlehem, the birthplace of Christianity and geographic focal point of Christmas.

But these are not good times for residents of Bethlehem. The town that Christians around the world sing about each year is currently administered by Palestine and separated from Israeli Jerusalem by an intimidating security barrier, built to protect Israel against terrorist attacks that proliferated in the early 2000s.

The barrier both saves and damages lives. Some 30,000-40,000 Palestinian people live behind these fences and a high concrete wall that has become a vast canvas for graffiti. Local and international artists have visited the wall dividing Bethlehem and Jerusalem, and some of the images they have created are startling and provocative.

SEVEN asked Bishara Awad, an Arab Christian resident of Bethlehem whose father was killed by a stray bullet in the 1949 war, to comment on a few of the many dramatic images painted on the wall.

Bishara is president of Bethlehem Bible College, which trains young Palestinian Christians to lead the Church.

His comments represent the views of a Palestinian evangelical Christian who is deeply concerned about the decline of Christianity in its birthplace. About 70 per cent of Bethlehem’s residents are Muslim; the remaining 30 per cent Christian. It used to be the other way around.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 24

WHY A WALL? SEVEN: The security barrier separating peoples in Israel and Palestine is a testament to injustice, unrighteousness and vengeance—an ugly affront to Christian ideals of the way people should get along.

But it was built for a reason: to stop terrorists from wreaking havoc in Israel.

In 2002, some 289 Israeli citizens and

foreign nationals died in terror attacks.

Since the barrier went up, very few suicide bombers have been able to infiltrate Israel and the number of deaths has plummeted.

The barrier is repulsive and tremendously controversial even among Israelis. But many see it as the most humane response to the threat of terror. “Walls don’t kill people,” they say.

PEACE BE WITH YOU – ISRAEL TOURISM BUREAU. Bishara: “This sign welcomes tourists to Bethlehem, not Israelis, who are not allowed in. The sign for us Palestinians is controversial. What kind of peace is there in a closed area where we can’t move around? It also shows us that the Israelis are proud of the wall.”

TWO DONKEYS WITH TAILS TIED TOGETHER Bishara: Some say this picture is about Palestinians fighting Palestinians, Hamas against Fatah. But it could also be about Palestinians versus Israelis.

SEVEN: What is life like for Palestinian

Christians under Hamas in Gaza, and under Fatah in the West Bank?

Bishara: Christians are treated well in the West Bank. There are several in Parliament. Our school is the only Christian Bible college with degrees recognized by an Arab government anywhere in the Middle East. Christians here were middle class; now they are lower class with small

families. There is no future for them here.

The Church is suffering because of being under occupation, because of the economics. It is not because of the Muslims; it is because we are cut off from Jerusalem, from culture, from opportunities.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 25

features

GIRL WITH DOVES IN HER EYES Bishara: “This is beautiful artwork.

I think the girl is trying to see peace, in spite of the circumstances. The situation is terrible for us Palestinians. I am reminded of the verse in Scripture that says, “If the foundations are destroyed, what will the righteous do?” (Psalm 11:3). We want to see peace. We Palestinian Christians are still people of hope, regardless of what is going on. I would like to see a one state solution, where Israelis and Palestinians can live together in peace.”

SEVEN: Bethlehem Bible College already depends on Christians in the West.

About 80 per cent of its budget comes from worship communities in the United States. These include many Baptist, Episcopal and Methodist churches, with occasional input from some Pentecostal and evangelical congregations.

When SEVEN asked Bishara what message he would most like to communicate to evangelical Christians in North America, he replied: “Dear Brothers and Sisters: Do not take the media in the west as the gospel truth. The Palestinian Church and Christians are looking to you to help us.”

He also asked for prayer. “You have been instruments in praying for apartheid ending in South Africa. You prayed against the Berlin Wall. Why can’t you do it now for Palestinian Christians?” he asks.

JESUS WEPT FOR JERUSALEM Bishara: “I believe this picture is so right. I believe Jesus does weep now for Bethlehem and for Jerusalem, because of all the injustices, and ungodliness, the oppression and lack of respect, the dehumanizing of the Palestinians. I believe this causes Jesus to weep.”

Richelle Wiseman and Doug Koop visited Bethlehem often during a 20-day journey to the holy lands last May.The main gateway was just a five-minute walk away from the study centre where their group stayed.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 26

DOVE WITH FLACK JACKET Bishara: “This one is a dove which represents peace and freedom. But the dove is afraid, and has a bulletproof jacket.

That is a message that no one is really safe in a land where there are settlers and soldiers who are after the people.

Wherever new parts of the wall are being built, Palestinians protest and are harassed by settlers and soldiers. Every Friday, in Beit Sahour, Jewish settlers come to claim this land, and Palestinians come to push them away.

Once the settlers squat on the land, then the soldiers will move in and help them out.”

CHRISTMAS TREE SURROUNDED

BY WALL Bishara: “The message is very clear— that people cannot protect their trees.

You can see tree stumps all around.

Israelis have knocked down thousands of acres of trees to make land available for the wall and for Jewish settlements.

These were olive trees and other trees.

The Christmas tree is a symbol for Christianity itself, here in Bethlehem.

It is walled in, and being squeezed out.

That is how it is for us Christians here.

We don’t know how long we can remain. But I am proud of the fact that 95 per cent of our graduates are still in Palestine, and have not left.”

Note: Beit Sahour is believed to include the Shepherds’ Fields where angels made their announcement of Christ’s birth. Of the 15,000 residents, 80 per cent are Christian, 20 per cent are Muslim.

GOD IS LOVE TO ALL – NOT JUST JEWS Bishara: “I like this picture. Certainly God loves the Jews. He loves the Palestinians.

We know He loves the whole world (John 3:16). The Israelis have no plans for the Palestinians. To them, Palestinians are trespassing and should be removed.

There are some estimates that up to 85 per cent of Jews in Israel are secular Jews.

So Palestinian Christians feel that Zionist Christians who support them don’t have any love for the Palestinians.”

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 27

Out of my depth

Fighting Words Make sure you pick the right fight

by Mark Buchanan “What causes fights and quarrels among you?”

Jesus’ brother, James, asked his congregation that question a long way back, and every pastor since, one time or another, has asked it of their congregation. Why are followers of the Prince of Peace so prone to catfights and squabbles? Why do those called to live by grace so often live by the lex talionis, the law of retaliation: eye for eye and tooth for tooth? Why do people who worship the God who buries our sins in the deepest ocean and remembers them no more store other’s sins in shallow trenches and dredge them up in a blink?

James was clear enough in his diagnosis: “Don’t they—the fights and quarrels—come from the desires that battle within you?”

Isn’t your belligerence mostly selfishness decked out for war?

It rings true. Recently, I nursed a grudge against someone. With good cause, you understand. I had arguments with them in my head where I was brilliant, eloquent and devastatingly right, while they were stupid, tongue-tied and humiliatingly wrong. I got to the place where I attributed everything this person did to their folly and spite, cunningly masked, of course, so that only I could really see through it.

And then I re-read Brother James.

What if the problem was me? What if my anger and indignation stemmed, not from the fault of the other, but the waywardness of my own heart? I opened myself, tentatively, gingerly, to consider such an unlikely scenario. And guess what? Well, you know what: I traced a clear line of causation right back to my own doublemindedness (to use an earlier phrase

from James), an unresolved dispute in my own guts.

James pushes his diagnosis further: the battle within comes from ungodly desire, and ungodly desire comes from friendship with the world (James 4:1-4).

I’ve learned to trust James on this.

In the “fights and quarrels” I am tempted to engage, and in the ones I am, as pastor, called to help resolve, I’ve found that the

The real issue is entitlement, envy, rivalry, jealousy, greed, pride, and the like, things – that have nothing at all to do with God's kingdom and righteousness. real issue almost never is the presenting issue. The real issue is friendship with the world. That friendship feeds selfish desire, and a battle within erupts. The real issue is entitlement, envy, rivalry, jealousy, greed, pride, and the like—things that have nothing at all to do with God’s kingdom and righteousness indeed, usually nothing at all to do with even the matter at hand though often masqueraded as such.

Most quarrels I see are personal vendetta dressed up as pious crusade.

Not long ago I stepped in to help two Christians resolve a fight. They had formerly been close friends but, over a deal gone sour, had become bitter enemies.

I asked one of the offended parties, “What if you never get your money back—

what then?”

“I’ll sue.”

“And forgiveness? Where does that fit here?”

The person looked at me with horror and contempt. “Are you serious? Do you even live in the real world?”

In a moment of James-like clearness, I responded, “What real world do you want to live in? Afghanistan? Iraq? Darfur?

The Congo? The real world I want to live in, and am inviting you to live in, is called the Kingdom of God.” Which is a kingdom of peace. But first it must take up occupancy in our own hearts.

And that’s exactly what James says next.

“Submit yourself to God,” he says, “and resist the devil…” (James 4:7). Go ahead, James says, pick a fight. Just be clear who the enemy is. It’s not God, and it’s not the person in front of you who’s somehow foiling your worldly desires.

It’s the prince of darkness who’s set himself up in enmity against the Prince of Peace, but who uses people as canon fodder.

Pray you’ve got enough warrior in you not to fall for that.

Mark Buchanan is an author and pastor living on Vancouver Island. He is the author of five bestselling books and numerous articles.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 29

power play

Great games. Great toys.

Great gadgets.

Reviews by Sandy McMurray

CLICKFREE AUTOMATIC BACKUP DRIVE www.goclickfree.com What would you lose if your PC hard drive crashed tomorrow?

Everyone knows it’s important to back up computer data, but most people do nothing until it’s too late. Unless the hard drive is making strange sounds or smoke is pouring out of the box, backups seem like a lot of trouble.

Enter the Clickfree automatic backup.

This is a ONE step process: connect the Clickfree drive to your PC then watch as it finds and copies all your valuable files.

The smart software installs itself, then does all the hard work for you.

The first backup may take a few hours but the process is quicker each time after that. Clickfree is the cheapest insurance you will ever buy.

ADORABLE HUMIDIFIERS www.crane-canada.com I had a lot of trouble with allergies and colds when I was young. In the winter, when the furnace dried out the air in our house, my parents put a cold air humidifier in my room. It wasn’t much fun, but the mist seemed to help me breathe.

Crane’s Adorable Humidifiers appeal to the sick kid in me.

Instead of a boring beige tub, Crane offers humidifiers shaped like elephants, penguins, frogs and puppies. Their whimsical designs transform a practical, health-related need into something comforting and maybe even fun.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 30

DUCT TAPE BANDAGE www.nexcare.com Band-Aids are for wimps. When a real man gets a cut, he doesn’t rush to the first aid kit or the medicine cabinet. He ignores it and keeps working. Sure, he might need a bandage if blood is pouring from the wound. Maybe.

If so, a regular bandage won’t do.

He needs something better, something stronger.

A man’s bandage. Nexcare knows what you need.

Duct Tape bandages tell the world you’re a man; a man who is recovering from what must surely be a very serious injury.

Duct Tape can fix anything. Even your boo-boo. Be a man. Get Duct Tape bandages.

LP 2 CD DIGITAL TURNTABLE www.ion-audio.com Dig out your record collection!

This handy gadget makes it easy to transfer old recordings from vinyl to CD. You don’t even need a computer; LP 2 CD has a built-in CD burner.

Use LP 2 CD to copy your old vinyl records or connect to your old cassette deck and recover your old mix tapes.

LP 2 CD can connect to any old audio source, including 8-track players and reel-to-reel tape recorders. Hook ‘em up and record directly to CD. LP 2 CD comes with a USB cable so you can copy the new recordings to your computer, to an iPod or to iTunes.

Software for PC and Mac is included.

CONTRAPTIONS GORILLAPOD www.joby.com Grab a Joby Gorillapod and secure your camera or gadget to just about anything— anywhere and everywhere! Unlike traditional tripods, the Gorillapod has flexible, gripping legs, which can wrap around almost any surface to hold your camera in place, even in the most awkward positions.

The Gorillapod Go-Go! uses the same articulating ball-and-socket design to provide support for smaller devices like cell phones and GPS units. The Gorillapod is available in several models: the original, the SLR (for heavier cameras) and the SLRZoom (for serious photographers).

ROCK BAND 2 www.harmonix.com The hottest video game of the season is not a shooting game or a racing game but a music game. Rock Band 2 players use game controllers that look like real instruments to play notes that appear on the screen.

In cooperative play, up to four players can jam together on guitar, bass, drums and vocals.

In addition to the 84 songs included on the game disc and 20 free downloadable songs, hundreds of additional downloadable songs will be released for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions. All of these songs, existing and future, are compatible with all Rock Band titles.

The special controllers make Rock Band 2 more expensive than most video games, but you can split the cost with friends and play together.

GB models that can hold up to 4,000 songs, 14,000 photos or 16 hours of video. All you have to decide now is who gets your old iPod when you buy a new one.

Sandy McMurray writes about gadgets and games for SEVEN. His web site is TechStuff.ca

LEGO CRAZY ACTION www.klutz.com The creative minds at Klutz Press have a new book for the LEGO builder in your house. From the supercharged Speedster to the Squeezeclaw Grabber to the Wall Rocket Racer, LEGO Crazy Action Contraptions is full of high performance building projects.

All these contraptions spin, stretch, speed, or otherwise spring into action, using a custom selection of LEGO bricks that come with the book. Step-by-step instructions and illustrations show you how to make these action contraptions come to life.

The book says ages 7 and up, but you don’t have to share with the kids if you don’t want to.

IPOD NANO www.apple.ca/ipod The new iPod nano is thinner than any previous iPod, with a larger, curved glass display that’s perfect for videos, photos and games. This model’s new features include a built-in accelerometer that changes the display when you rotate the iPod, and a “shake to shuffle” option that switches songs when you shake the player.

The new nano is available in 8 GB and 16

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 31

money matters

Rising and falling house prices What does it mean for you?

by Paul Emerton For years, the value of homes and condominiums has been rising steadily in Canada. It’s good news for homeowners, but what goes up may come down, one way or another, as the recent crisis in U.S. home values has demonstrated. Should you be concerned?

In the United States, one out of five homes sold between 2004 and 2006 carried a sub-prime mortgage held by buyers who did not qualify under traditional lending policies. When these homeowners were unable to handle higher mortgage payments, they lost their homes, creating a market glut and deeply depressing prices.

Will this affect your financial situation?

Sub-prime mortgages are rare in Canada.

The rate of default as a result of these loans is negligible, suggesting that prices will remain steady in comparison with the U.S. But you cannot assume that your home’s value has risen in step with the national

average. While Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton and Saskatoon have seen home values increase 50 per cent or more in one year, homeowners in Windsor, Thunder Bay, Three Rivers and Newfoundland-Labrador experienced a decrease in values. Much of the price change is due to local economic conditions. A sudden drop in employment opportunities and wages in any region could create a similar decline in house values for that area.

Houses are becoming less affordable for many. In regions where prices have increased substantially, the growth exceeded a corresponding increase in family income, making it difficult for families to purchase their first home. This may create a future slowdown in house purchases and a correction in prices.

Interest rates may rise. Nothing guarantees that higher interest rates won’t return some day, prompted by inflation.

The year 2008 has seen many natural disasters and economic turmoil.

We all know of the earthquakes, floods, hurricanes and cyclones that have impacted millions of people, but few of us in Canada have experienced them directly--and none of us can really appreciate their impact on people who were already living in poverty. Many of us, however, have been personally impacted by global economic conditions, including increased oil and food prices. But it is difficult to imagine the impact of these conditions on people who earn less than $2 a day--and spend most of that on food. We cannot truly comprehend what life is like for the 1.2 billion people who live in abject poverty and the 800 million people who go to bed hungry, or what life was like for the 50,000 people who die every day from poverty-related causes.

In the face of these incredible and somewhat impersonal numbers, the members of the Canadian Christian Relief and Development Association (CCRDA) continue to reach out on your behalf to show God's love to men, women and children in great need in many corners of the world. Together, we can make a difference and through our work in areas such as health care, education, agriculture and micro-credit we can impact and empower the lives of millions of people. This year, please consider adding or increasing your financial support to one or more of these very worthwhile organizations.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 32

More expensive mortgages will inevitably cut demand and reduce values to some degree.

Let me suggest three ways to deal with changing home prices: Don’t forget that your home is a residence first and an investment second. Control your urge to speculate on its value or engage in “trading up” to a home that exceeds your needs and, perhaps, your means of financing and maintaining it.

Next, use the equity in your home wisely.

Each dollar increase in your home’s value increases the equity (the amount that is yours to keep beyond the mortgage balance) by an equal amount. When necessary improvements such as a new kitchen or bathroom or an addition to accommodate a growing family are needed, this equity will qualify you for a low-interest loan. Some people convert their equity to cash, via a loan or refinanced mortgage, to cover existing debt such as their credit card balances. Paying off one debt with another debt is rarely a good idea.

Finally, remember it is paper profit. Discovering your home is worth much more than the day you bought it may give you a warm feeling, but it’s not “money in the bank.”

Prices can fall, the economy can slump and your property taxes may escalate.

CCRDA MEMBER AGENCIES “Keep your life free ADRA Canada Arms of Jesus Children’s Mission Inc. from love of money, and be Asian Outreach International (Canada) Canadian Reformed World Relief Fund content with what you have, CAUSE Canada for he has said, ‘I will never CBM Canada Christian Children’s Fund of Canada leave you nor forsake you’” Christian Horizons Christian Reformed World Relief Committee (Hebrews 13:5).

Compassion Canada If you can handle your Crossroads Christian Communications Inc. CSCODI home’s mortgage payments, EMCC World Partners Emmanuel International Canada taxes and maintenance ERDO within your current budget, Habitat for Humanity Canada International Child Care (Canada) Inc. fluctuating home prices The Leprosy Mission Canada Lifeline Malawi are probably nothing to Mennonite Mission Health Association be concerned about.

Nazarene Compassionate Ministries Canada Ontario Christian Gleaners Opportunity International Canada The Salvation Army Canada Samaritan’s Purse Canada SIM Canada Visionledd The Wellspring Foundation for Education Word & Deed Ministries World Hope Canada World Relief Canada World Vision Canada

Paul Emerton is a Certified Financial Planner and Senior Training Specialist with FaithLife Financial.

department

SHAPE UP

by Todd Llewys Nutrition: Coffee a health food?

If you’ve been considering—or have already decided—to give up drinking coffee or tea due to their (supposedly) damaging effects on your health, think again. Somewhat surprisingly, recent studies have shown coffee to be more— much more—than just a stimulant. The studies show that coffee delivers more antioxidants than the benchmark hot beverage of choice, green tea.

What exactly are antioxidants? Well, they are the naturally occurring chemicals that help reduce the effects of aging, cardiovascular disease and degenerative brain disorders, for starters. Antioxidants also help combat the incidence of cancer, cataracts and the decline of the immune and nervous system.

Not only that, but antioxidants can also work to reduce the chance of developing Type II Diabetes by as much as 30 per cent.

And if diseases such as colon cancer and Parkinson’s run in your family, drinking two or three cups of coffee a day can also help you guard against developing those maladies, too.

Of course, we already know what coffee does—consume a cup, and your performance improves. Knock back a cup of Starbucks (your choice) in the middle of the afternoon, and your mental function will be boosted enough to get out the month end report your boss needed yesterday.

So, don’t feel guilty about consuming a cup or three of coffee a day; drinking it (plus maybe the odd cup of tea to boost your immune system and prevent gall stones) could well keep the doctor away.

Oh, and did we mention that a Brazilian study has shown coffee to increase male fertility?

Mental Side: Focus on Yourself Develop a Stretch to Stay Limber Longer So, you’ve decided to get back into Perhaps you’ve heard of Gary Player, shape. Determined to rid yourself of the the legendary golfer from South Africa. extra 20 pounds that have gathered on When he started his career in the late your waist over the last number of years 1950s, he was the first golfer to stress the (just how many, you’re not sure), you head importance of proper nutrition and doing to the gym, all pumped to start the process. weight-bearing exercises to stay strong.

Eventually, you make your way to the He was also an advocate of stretching. exercise bike or treadmill, only to be flanked Today, at the age of 73, Player is in on either side by two fit people. From the great shape and regularly shoots his look of it, very fit. age. He can still hit his drives 250 yards— This can be disconcerting, no matter and can kick the top of a doorframe, his who you are. Naturally, you envy the flat flexibility is so great. belly on either side of you. It’s entirely Now, not all of us need to be capable understandable; you’re huffing and puffing of kicking the top of a doorframe along at three miles an at 43, or even 33. hour on the treadmill, However, staying “Getting back in shape while they’re breezing flexible is is a process–a process along at over seven essential to miles an hour, jogging being able to that takes time. It took time along at a brisk pace enjoy everyday to gain all that weight; it will without hardly working life and the oncetake time to lose it.” up a sweat. weekly game of While it’s easier hockey, baseball said than done, this or football that is where you have to dig in and get mentally goes with it. Or, for that matter, even tough. Everyone has to start somewhere, just throwing a baseball or football around and the reality of the moment is that you with the kids. After all, stretching guards are in less-than-ideal shape. And who against injury. knows, maybe the svelte man and woman Key areas to stretch include the on either side of you was where you are hamstrings (back of your leg), quadriceps only a year or two ago. (big muscle at upper front portion of your The point is this: getting back in shape leg), groin, lower and upper back. Exercises is a process–a process that takes time. to maintain flexibility in these areas are It took time to gain all that weight; it will relatively simple, and aren’t time take time to lose it. So the next time you’re consuming. confronted with a situation where you feel All you have to do is run on the spot less than adequate in a physical sense, for a few minutes to get warm; then, take don’t compare yourselves to others; just maybe 10—15 minutes tops—to stretch out keep pedaling. the different areas. The key here is to get Focus on your routine, and in time you warm. If you work out, do the exercise bike will be on your way to looking like the two for five minutes, and then do your stretches. long-time gym regulars doing their cardio Then, do some stretches in between workout beside you. stations (elliptical trainer, stair stepper, running the basketball court, treadmill).

Or, just do your routine at home in the morning before you work, or on your afternoon break at work. Take the time to build stretching into your fitness routine, Todd Llewys is a Winnipeg-based sports writer and your body will thank you. and fitness enthusiast.

seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 33

What women want

Fighting the Good Fight

by Sheila Wray Gregoire As a natural debater, I’ve always enjoyed a good fight. When my husband and I disagree, we bring out every intellectual argument in our arsenal to show why the other person is irretrievably, irreconcilably, and certifiably off his or her rocker. Early in our marriage this usually lasted for several days. Now, at times, I can argue vehemently for a few minutes, and then shrug my shoulders, and admit, “I guess you’re right.”

It took me years to learn to say those words. During that time I have also learned that trying to resolve an issue at 1 a.m. is exceedingly stupid; it’s better to sleep on it, because chances are tomorrow you’ll forget what you were fighting about anyway. But most importantly I have learned that even if I am right, listening to my husband’s feelings is more important than winning the argument.

In other words, I have learned how to have good fights.

Before our wedding we didn’t fight.

He agreed with everything I said, and I agreed with everything he said, because we thought exactly the same way.

Unfortunately, on the honeymoon I realized that he had some independent thoughts, and this proved very threatening. I had to whip him into shape, and he had to whip me into shape, and we both ended up with whiplash.

Why does anger hurt us so much?

I think it’s because we misunderstand it.

We think anger is just like flatulence. This uncomfortable feeling bubbles up inside us, growing more and more urgent, until it just has to be released. Problem solved, right?

Wrong. Unlike farting, anger doesn’t just

waft away in the air after you’ve expressed it. It’s more like a grenade going off, maiming everybody in its path, including you. When you explode in anger, you actually make things worse. You usually say things you don’t mean, but once those things are out of your mouth, you can’t take them back.

I think we feel anger so strongly because anger is a master con artist. When we’re angry, it’s usually a sign that there’s something else going on below the surface, something that we’d rather not talk about.

And we don‘t like that vulnerable feeling, so anger helps us deflect attention from our fears.

Do you often have the same fight, over and over again, with nothing really getting resolved? Maybe that’s because in your anger you’re ignoring the real issues.

Picture this couple: he arrives home late and she immediately berates him for being an insensitive clod who doesn’t care about the family. And he’s an absent father to boot. He responds in anger by complaining about how he only works so she can have a decent place to live, and if she really wanted him home, maybe she’d make the house a little nicer to come home to. (By the way, never say to your wife, “Look at this place! What did you do all day?” Just trust me on that one).

Words are flying, but nothing is really being communicated, because neither party is willing to open up. And when we don’t deal with what’s actually going on, we never fix anything.

On the other hand, if he could be honest, maybe he’d reveal something like this: “I just worry that I’m not what you expected

when we got married. I could get laid off, and I don’t know how to support us. And maybe I’m failing at home, too. What if I really am a bad father?”

And maybe she would admit: “I feel lonely. I love the kids, but sometimes they’re not enough. What if I’m becoming boring?

Please show me that you still desire me!”

Though women complain incessantly that men don’t share their feelings, the true fear we have is that our husbands don’t actually have any, and that there really is nothing below the surface. But that’s not true. It’s just that men’s feelings are often like the deep ocean: they’re not very well explored.

That doesn’t mean, though, that you can’t start an expedition.

So next time you’re boiling mad, ask yourself, “What’s really going on here?

What am I actually scared of?” And then tell her that instead of blowing up. Sure you’re risking rejection, but as long as two people just yell at each other, the relationship is never going to build anything except more walls. If you could both stop lashing out, and say what’s on your hearts instead, a miracle might happen. It takes guts to open up. But opening up your heart is a whole lot more productive than just shooting off your mouth. And much more honest, too.

Maybe it’s time we all tried it.

Sheila is the author of several marriage books, including Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood. You can find her speaking at marriage conferences around the country, or at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com.

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seven – issue three november–december 2008 page 34

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PKCLive Visit www.PromiseKeepers.ca or phone 1-888-901-9700 for information on a PK event near you.