Kurt Warner First Things First (September/October 2009)

september – october 2009 Newsstand Price CDN $4.95

KURT WARNER PUTS FIRST THINGS FIRST

LIFE ON THE EDGE Men seek extreme satisfaction

contents

september – october, 2009

on the cover 14

Champion survives setbacks and success Super Bowl quarterback Kurt Warner talks about God and family, football and money.

features

Publisher: Brian Koldyk Managing Editor: Doug Koop Pulse Editor: Robert White

advertising account executives: WILLIAM LEIGHTON: william@christianweek.org DARRELL FRIESEN: darrell@christianweek.org JIM HICKS: jhicks@christianweek.org Unless otherwise indicated, neither ChristianWeek nor Promise Keepers Canada guarantee, warrant, or endorse any product, program, or service advertised.

going to extremes 20 Ironman Pastor Meet Tim Doherty, a competitive triathlete committed to coaching disciples of Jesus.

editorial advisory board

22 Extreme Ministry Thrill seekers find ultimate challenge in hard core ministry.

KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada PHIL WAGLER: Kingsfield Zurich MC SANDRA REIMER: Reimer Reason Communications DOUG KOOP: ChristianWeek

24 Extreme Preaching Seeker insensitive Mark Driscoll XXXman Craig Gross

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promise keepers canada 1295 North Service Road PO Box 40599 Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 (905) 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca Postmaster: Please send address changes to PO Box 40599, Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 ISSN 1916-8403

columns

departments

5 PK Podium Turn your world upside down

8-11 Pulse Curious events. Interesting people. Good ideas.

6 Help Wanted Sons. Sports. Songs.

13

12 Guest Column Jethro Says

Cover Photo: Courtesy of Arizona Cardinals

Reviews

28 – 29 Power Play Tools. Toys. Technology.

26 Money Matters How to buy a car

Editorial and Advertising Office 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4

27 Out of My Depth Experience the ultimate Extreme

Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695

30 What Women Want Have you kissed your wife today?

admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org Design: Indigo Ink Studios www.indigoinkstudios.com

seven is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.

The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada.

one – A Promise Keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and obedience to God's word in the power of the Holy Spirit.

four – A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection, and biblical values.

six – A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.

two – A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.

five – A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.

seven – A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matt 28:19-20).

three – A Promise Keeper is committed to practising spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.

seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 3

PK Podium

Turn your world upside down Jesus is the most extreme man ever

by Kirk Giles

What is the most extreme thing you have ever done? I would likely answer that question by thinking about the time I tried skiing down the bunny slope on Mt. Hemlock in British Columbia. I was in Grade 6 and tore the cartilage in my knee. It was a painful experience, but the attention I got from all the girls for the next few weeks was well worth the pain.

Most men I know seem really intrigued by those who are more extreme, but not enough to be extreme themselves.

We watch from a distance for the adrenaline rush of seeing another guy hurt himself. Seriously, do you watch NASCAR to see 30 cars turn left for four hours or for another reason?

Here is the problem: Our inaction will often carry over into our spiritual lives as well. As men, many of you will read the articles in this edition of SEVEN and think to yourself that these men are doing crazy and amazing things in the name of Jesus. Yet, I wonder if the attraction to these and other stories that can be told is only at a surface level and reflects a glad-it-is-not-me attitude that many of us carry.

Acts 17 includes a story about Paul and Silas causing a stir when they visited Thessalonica.

They made such an impression that nonChristian leaders

in that city looked at the people in this early Church and said “these are the ones turning the world upside down” (Acts 17:6).

There are many faithful men throughout the world today who are doing their part to serve Jesus. The impact these men are having through the power of the Holy Spirit is profound. It can truly be said that the world is being turned upside down as the truth of Jesus and His way of living collides with the standards and priorities of the world. When this happens, the Way of Jesus reveals itself to be superior to the broken way of the world, and men are drawn to Him. At Promise Keepers Canada, we are praying for and serving towards a day when there will be a movement of men who are becoming, growing and living as disciples of Jesus. We are not talking about tame men who simply go through the motions of Christianity, but true followers of Jesus who are searching every day to do what He said in the way He said to do it.

Are you ready to step up? Here is one practical way you can allow God to begin to shape you into a man who is extreme and serious about following Jesus. Take some time to just sit and study the words of Jesus—and then actually do what He says. In many Bibles, these are found in words written with red ink. Spend time allowing the Master to teach you. Allow Him to reveal needed changes in your life.

And then, make those changes.

You will never experience a more extreme man than Jesus Christ. He’ll turn your world upside down.

Kirk Giles is president of Promise Keepers Canada. He and Shannon have been married for 15 years. They are the parents of four children, ages 6-13.

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Help wanted

Sons. Sports. Songs.

by Rod Wilson I like computers, movies and books. My son is eight and loves sports and extreme everything. Sooner or later he will figure out I don’t know what I am doing or talking about in those areas.

Should I keep trying to stumble through or just let him go with friends’ dads?

You are off to a good start with this question. Do not underestimate the importance of being able to identify what you like and what your son likes.

There are many dads who have no clue what appeals to their children and little appreciation for their interests.

These days there is a lot of pressure on parents to be expert on every subject.

We believe we need to understand and be conversant in every area that appeals to our children. But that is almost impossible. Why not turn it around and see your son as the teacher? Have him bring you to games, watch sports on TV with him and ask lots of questions. You might even want to bring him to some games with another dad and his son.

This strategy will not only help you become more competent in this area, it will also give your son the message that what interests him, interests you.

While it is not as easy to reverse the process and expect your eight-year-old to show interest in computers, movies and books, you could be on the lookout for ways to connect your passions with his. What about sports movies? Or books on sports? What about computer games that have a sports emphasis?

Finally, we need to recognize the developmental stages children go through. While your son is eight and into sports and extreme everything now, by 18 his passions may change. At that point you may be submitting a very different kind of question and pining for the day when sports was a “problem!”

My wife tells me I spend too much time on sports. I still play hockey and baseball with buddies in local leagues and I love watching anything on TV. How can I make her see that playing sports is a good thing? It keeps me in shape and I don’t complain about her hobbies.

Those of us who have been married for any length of time know that “making our spouse see” anything is usually filled with danger. Most of us are quite resistant when someone else is trying to convince us that we are wrong.

Why is your wife telling you that you are spending too much time on sports?

Often comments about how we are spending our time are really focused on what we are not spending our time on— like our spouse. Is it possible your wife is missing you? Might she be expressing a desire to be with you rather than making a comment on sports?

A hobby, by definition, is something we do in our spare time. Usually this means that the rest of our time is committed to work, family and other relationships. When those around us observe that our hobbies have become an obsession, they are telling us that we are using all of our spare time in one area and neglecting other aspects of life.

Is sports really a hobby for you or is it an obsession? The former is acceptable; the latter is a problem.

Most couples who struggle in these areas need to respect each other’s hobbies and spare time activities and negotiate how much time is going to be spent in these areas, while agreeing there are things they will do together.

Simultaneously we need to remember that being married is no guarantee our own passions will be fully understood by our spouse.

I like the people at church, but it is usually really boring and I am not that excited about singing. Some of the songs seem like mushy love songs, and who can sing that high? Do I just grin and bear it or try to change things?

Your experience in church is not unusual, especially for men. A lot of us battle boredom and the singing part is a real problem. I suppose you could “grin and bear it,” but it does not sound like you do a lot of grinning in the church.

Lots of people in church would like to “change things” but the reality is that often we need to change ourselves.

We have lived our lives with such a commitment to novelty and innovation that we are incapable of entering into anything, like church, where some things are the same every week.

We come to church with expectations so centered around our needs and preferences that we spend our time ignoring God or the common good and get totally preoccupied with ourselves.

We are not coming to church to worship but to critique.

On the other hand, churches that are static and immoveable create an environment where God’s people are bored for good reason. Churches that sing music that is not rooted in theology and Scripture with God at the centre move toward an excessive emphasis on emotion and feeling so at times it does feel mushy. Worship leaders that do “7-11 music” (7 lines sung 11 times) blur their personal devotion with genuine leadership and tend to alienate men.

When the body of Christ comes together and genuine excitement is missing it is a slap in the face to the God who made us.

You are right when you say change is needed. We need to pray for the ability to see whether the change needs to come from our attitudes and actions or from the leadership of our churches. My hunch is that it is a combination of the two.

Could you use some help? Don’t shy away from asking. Send your questions to dkoop@christianweek.org.

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pulse

Curiousities. Personalities.

Ideas. Information.

by Robert White PULSE Editor

TEENS LIKE FACE-TO-FACE CONVOS Today’s teens seem to spend hours talking on cellphones, texting each other, Facebooking and chatting on the Internet.

But they’d prefer to talk to each other face-to-face.

Earlier this year, a survey released at the Going Barefoot II Conference in Winnipeg, gave the facts about how teens and youth talk to each other.

Kitchener’s Barefoot Creative surveyed 1,200 high school and college students, 80 per cent of whom said they go to church. When asked how they preferred to communicate with their friends, those surveyed said face-to-face (65 per cent— all of the time, 18 per cent—often).

“The days when they’re only on the computer aren’t here yet,” says Barefoot Creative’s Gayle Goosen, a conference keynote speaker. “They really prefer to spend time with friends face-to-face.”

When youth aren’t getting together, they still use a number different ways to connect: media

always

often

Facebook

24%

25%

Phone

20%

30%

Cell phone

18%

20%

Text messaging

19%

15%

“We saw they were listening to the radio, watching TV, going to movies, talking online, using their phones and cell phones and going to Facebook,” says Goosen. “Their ideal is to have a fairly large computer screen to watch TV, listen to the radio, chat, update Facebook and Twitter all at the same time.”

Among the social networking sites used, Facebook came out ahead of MSN Messenger, MySpace or Twitter.

Facebook collapses a number of these

seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 8

functions into one site. “On Facebook they can write to friends, they can chat, they can talk face-to-face, they can do everything on that one site,” says Goosen.

The survey also explored other aspects of youth culture: Favourite TV shows—The Office, Grey’s Anatomy and The Simpsons Favourite movies—The Dark Knight, the Lord of the Rings trilogy and A Walk to Remember Favourite authors—J.K. Rowling, J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis.

“We’ve all been talking about how different youth are that go to church than youth who don’t. This study really gives us those trends,” says Goosen—noting the trends are identical.

For details on the U@?Communicating with Teens and Young People survey contact Gayle Goosen at gayle@barefootcreative.com or check www.barefootcreative.com.

EVANGELICALS VERSUS TV NEWS Evangelical Christians often complain the mainstream media isn’t fair to them.

Take, for example, the 2000 federal election. During a national newscast, Liberal campaign strategist Warren Kinsella pulled out a Barney the Dinosaur doll and mocked Alliance Party Leader Stockwell Day’s

view on creationism.

Through a Lens Darkly: How the news media perceive and portray evangelicals, by Wilfrid Laurier journalism professor David Haskell, both proves and disproves this theory.

A former TV reporter and practicing Christian, Haskell has the academic, media and faith background to write about the topic.

While written for academics, Through a Lens Darkly reads like your morning newspaper. Haskell starts by showing who and what “evangelical Christians” are. He then describes the “frame analysis” research method used. This is the only place where the book bogs down. But Haskell says unless you really need to know how the research was done, you can skip it and head straight to the results.

Haskell focused on Canada’s three TV networks—CBC, CTV and Global. He found evangelicals were, overall, given neutral coverage. This “suggests Canada’s national television journalists strive to provide coverage that is balanced,” he writes. Only when he looks at each network’s coverage does this change. Both CTV and Global stayed balanced, while the CBC showed

evangelicals more negatively, failing to stay “balanced overall.”

While this is good news, Haskell says “when evangelicals’ beliefs and values directly contradict their own most heartfelt convictions, journalists find it difficult to play the role of dispassionate, neutral observer.”

These negative frames, which show evangelicals as intolerant, criminallyminded and unCanadian, may make more of an impact on viewers than the “significant, yet thematically disparate, collection of positive and balanced frames,” says Haskell.

Evangelicals probably can’t change the way the media covers them. But Haskell says they can change the way they present themselves to the media.

And the best way, he says, is to personally reflect Jesus in all they do.

“If those who believe in the risen Christ, en masse, began practicing the active compassion, deep humility, unconditional forgiveness, and antimaterialism that Jesus calls them to, it would prove so powerful and compelling to today’s world that how the media chose to depict them would no longer matter,” he writes.

PARENTS PREFER “GOOD” TO “GODLY” Some Christian parents don’t think passing on their faith in God to their children is a sign of how successfully they’ve raised their family. A recent LifeWay Christian Resources study found the most common definitions of successful parenting were: Children having good values and becoming happy adults – 25 per cent each; finding success in life – 22 per cent; being a good person – 19 per cent LifeWay surveyed 1,200 American

parents, who had children under 18 at home. Only nine per cent said faith in God was a measure of success. And just 24 per cent of parents who attend weekly religious services thought faith in God was an identifying mark of parental success.

“We’re seeing an ever-widening gulf in American believers between private faith and a faith that’s passed on,” says Scott McConnell, with LifeWay Research.

“Instead, we too often see an emphasis on guiding children to a social morality and toward an as-yet-undefined ‘happy’ life.”

NEW DVD BRIDGES GAP WITH GAYS Want to bridge the gap between yourself and your gay neighbour or co-worker? Take a look at Bridging the Gap: Conversations on befriending our gay neighbours, a new DVD by New Direction Ministries.

“We want to answer the question: ‘how do I really share my faith without (either) offending my gay neighbour (or) compromising my faith,” says executive director Wendy Gritter. “It’s about the average, everyday follower of Jesus

knowing how to share their faith and be the presence of Jesus to their gay colleague at work, their gay neighbour down the street, the gay parent of a child who’s a classmate of their child in public school.”

The two DVDs feature interviews and exchanges with 11 Christians. Five are key church leaders: Tony Campolo, Brian McLaren, Bruxy Cavey, Greg Paul and Baxter Kruger. Six are people who have experienced samegender attraction. “Our six friends all share vulnerably and transparently from the joys and challenges they’ve had as they’ve walked in maturity with Christ,” says Gritter.

Bridging the Gap’s four segments build on each other: 1) recognizing gays as neighbours, 2) Learning to love gay people, 3) Loving even though disagreeing, 4) Creating a safe place in the church for gays. Each segment pauses in three different places and gives discussion questions. Extra interviews and discussions are available for those who want to delve deeper.

For more information contact New Direction Ministries at (905) 813-1245 or check www.newdirection.ca or btgproject.blogspot.com.

PREPARE FOR AN OLDER CANADA The numbers are in, and they’re crystal clear: Canada is growing older as aging baby boomers swell the ranks of seniors.

And since each generation after the boomers has had fewer children, we end

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pulse

“I want to be in the mix, not stuck in time. In fact, I think Jesus would ‘tweet,’ so I’m experimenting with Twitter, too— type in ‘patrickmorley’ to follow me.”

SPIRITUAL MATURITY WANTED, BUT NOT DEFINED

up with fewer family caregivers but more aging parents needing care.

Statistics Canada figures by 2015, seniors will outnumber children. In 2005 Stats Can estimated there were 135 children per 100 seniors in Canada. In 2031, they figure there will be between 54 and 71 children per 100 seniors depending on population trends between now and then.

The traditional structure of Canada’s population isn’t quite turned on its head, but its shoulders are getting sore. The aging of Canada didn’t happen suddenly, or for just one reason: more Canadians now live past the age of 65, and many families chose to have fewer children, and later in life. This means both fewer caregivers for seniors and the need for today’s children to juggle the needs of their own kids and their parents simultaneously.

Canada is growing older. The numbers don’t lie. These changes mean this will have to be a societal effort, beginning with families. As families, communities and governments, we need to plan ahead soon so we can provide quality care to all of our parents and grandparents as they grow older.

— By Derek Miedema, a researcher with the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada. Reprinted with permission of IMFC.

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LEARN TO LOVE NEW TECHNOLOGY Men trying to figure out Facebook and Twitter should take Patrick Morley’s advice. In a recent Weekly Briefing, the CEO of Man in the Mirror ministries says he wants “to understand Technology 4 by the end of 2009.”

Technology 4, says Morley, is the latest advance which began with the mass production, systems and process of industrial technology, or Technology 1.

This was followed by: Technology 2— information technology (computers, copy machines). Which was followed

by Technology 3—communication technology (email and the Internet).

Technology 4 is connection technology or tools like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter.

“Not everyone will be drawn to technology, much less the ‘connections’ of Technology 4,” writes Morley.

“However, many people are tilted in that direction, and especially younger generations.”

He suggests people, churches, denominations, and ministries that don’t make a place for Technology 4 may be marginalized. And the first step is to begin to understand the new technologies.

A new survey by the Barna Group shows many Christians want to be spiritually mature—they just don’t know what it means. The same survey showed pastors want to help people to spiritual maturity—they just don’t know how to define or identify it.

“America has a spiritual depth problem partly because the faith community doesn’t have a robust definition of its spiritual goals,” says Barna Group president David Kinnaman.

The problem starts with how Christians define “spiritual maturity.” Four out of five Christians think it means “trying hard to follow the rules in the Bible.” Many can’t even say how their church defines a “healthy, spiritually mature follower of Jesus.” Half said they couldn’t even make a guess. Those who did come up with something listed: having a relationship with Jesus; having regular prayer and Bible study; being obedient; and being involved in the church.

Of those asked how they’d define spiritual maturity, 20 per cent weren’t able come up with anything. The 15 per cent who did again referred to “following rules and being obedient.” Barna surveyors were surprised by the lack of depth on the subject. They noted, even with open-ended questions, most of those surveyed only came up with one answer, despite being asked for additional or clarifying comments.

A large majority of pastors, 90 per cent, said a lack of spiritual maturity was a huge problem in the U.S.—but only a minority felt it was a problem in their church. One of the reasons for this is that many pastors don’t know how to set goals for spirituality maturity—and most prefer activity to attitude. The list the pastors did come up with was identical to the churchgoers’ list.

Kinnaman suggests a new way of measuring spiritual maturity might be to focus on relationships and accountability.

“Spirituality is neither a science nor a business, so there’s a natural resistance to ascribing scientific or operational standards to what most people believe is an organic process,” he says. “The process of spiritual growth is neither simplistic nor without guidelines, so hard work and solid thinking in this arena is needed.” (The Barna Group)

FAMILY BREAKUPS COST $7 BILLION The cost of families breaking up is nearly $7 billion, says the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada (IMFC).

But cut in half the number of families breaking up, the country would save $1.7 billion—equal to 10 per cent of Canada’s military budget or the latest cost estimate the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

The $7 billion figure is a “very, very conservative number,” says Andrea Mrozek, IMFC manager of Research and Communications. “We only looked at the costs of child care, housing and welfare.

We didn’t even consider justice- or education-related costs.”

Mrozek says the Ottawa-based think tank put a price tag on family breakdown because, “Canadians are more interested in the bottom line. By putting a number on it, we felt there’d be interest from a broader swath of Canadians.”

Another “cost” not included was the emotional toll. Mrozek says, “We’ve all experienced breakdowns in family enough to know the emotional costs are real, immense and immeasurable.”

Mrozek and co-author Rebecca Walberg also write, “The reduction in suffering and trauma that would occur… if family breakdown were halved is of much greater magnitude.”

Private Choices, Public Costs: How failing families cost us all promotes the social benefit of strong families.

“Families are the bulwark of a strong community,” says Mrozek. The ideal for society is a family of two married parents staying together long enough to both raise their children and see their grandchildren, she says.

This ideal is seen in the report’s recommendations: 1) Marriage education during high school, 2) Marital and premarital counsellors promoting the “public benefits” of marriage and the costs of divorce, 3) Governments allowing married couples to file joint tax returns to lower their tax burden, 4) Showing governments the difference between marriage and cohabitation so they can promote the benefits of marriage.

“This certainly isn’t a short-term proposition,” says Mrozek. “To change the culture we live in isn’t going to be a snap your fingers, make a wish come true assessment. But the realities in the social science literature are that kids fare best in a married, two-parent home and the divorce option for kids is really not a good one.”

7-YEAR-OLD STEALS DAD’S CAR TO AVOID CHURCH Most kids would fake a stomach ache or the flu in order to avoid church.

But a 7-year-old Utah boy took a different tactic: he stole his dad’s car and led local police on a chase.

Dispatchers received reports of a child driving recklessly on a Sunday morning.

According to Weber County Sheriff Capt.

Klint Anderson, one witness said the boy drove through a stop sign. Anderson says two deputies caught up with the boy and tried unsuccessfully to stop the car, which reached 64 kph before the boy stopped in a driveway and ran inside a home.

Anderson says when the boy’s father later confronted him, the boy said he didn’t want to go to church. The parents avoided follow-up media interviews because they didn’t want to reward their son for his bad behaviour. “[The family] doesn’t want this attention to be perceived by their son as an incentive or reward for his actions,” says Anderson. “Humorous as this event was, it could easily have been a tragic story instead.”

No charges were laid because the boy is too young to prosecute. Police did urge the father to make his car keys less accessible to children.

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guest column

Jethro Says Give Jethro permission to initiate necessary course correction in your life.

by Al Descheneau

A lot of good things happen to men over pancakes and sausage. Families bond, fathers dispense wisdom, hunters share secrets and businessmen trade portfolios. If you add coffee and potatoes you have the recipe for masculine truth serum. It’s not that I’m opposed to conversations that occur over a bowl of fruit and yogurt, it’s just that I’ve never had one.

One day, as men from my church sat around pontificating on life whilst ingesting copious amounts of meat, starch and caffeine, a great tool of ministry was invented. We call it “Jethro Says.” Do you remember playing “Simon Says” as a child? Well, “Jethro Says” is the same—but different.

Exodus 18 shows Moses and the Israelites on their journey to the Promised Land. As the leader, it was Moses’ job to instruct the people in God’s will, guide them through enemy territory and settle judicial issues. He also had to lead a family, meet with God and keep traveling.

Needless to say, it was a lot for one man to do.

Moses was tired and got to thinking about the 40 years he spent under the tutelage of a wise, caring, older man— his father-in-law, Jethro. It was Jethro who taught him about being a shepherd, husband, father and man. He showed him how to hunt, herd sheep, defend himself with a staff, pitch a tent, find water and take care of a wife and family. Jethro was an important man in Moses’ life.

When Jethro arrived for a visit at the Israelite camp, he took the tour and was properly impressed. But after a day of playing host, Moses had to get back to work and the Bible tells us what that was like. “The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening” (Exodus 18:13).

seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 12

Part of Moses’ job was to mediate disputes, and in this group there were a lot of those to sort out. “He stole my goat!” “My brother won’t take care of my parents!” “They killed my dog.” “He broke my shovel.” Day after day Moses spent hour after hour refereeing everything from petty disputes to major catastrophes.

And it was taking a toll on him physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Jethro looked over the situation and saw Moses for what he was: a younger, passionate, loving, dedicated man making a critical error that was slowly killing himself and his people. We read his counsel in verses 17-23: “What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out....Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you.”

Moses’ life was actually a mess. He alternated between looking like a rubber band stretched too tight and a soggy, deflated balloon. And Jethro says, “Son, you’re going to kill yourself doing this, and it’s not good for your people.

Bring this before God and see what He says. But you need to get some godly men around to take care of the smaller stuff, or you are going to die and your people will suffer.”

Upon reading that, “Jethro Says” was born among the men of my church. Around the table that day we gave each other the permission to be Jethros. We had worked together, trusted each other

and shared deeply of our hopes and frustrations, but we were missing something. What was missing was the permission to initiate a radical, necessary, godly course correction in each other’s lives.

Men need that. We need someone with the courage to stand up and say “Jethro Says”—someone who won’t beat around the bush, try to convince us, cajole us, ask us to pray about, or wait for the perfect timing. Sometimes we just need a trusted, outside influencer to grab us by the shirt, give a godly revelation and push us in the right direction. “Jethro Says” is our way of doing that.

Whenever a man in our group says “Jethro Says,” my ears perk up. It is a trigger for me to pay special attention. It means I’m missing something; I need something; I’m on a path to something undesirable I can’t quite see. Jethro is there to point me back to the wise road.

Al Descheneau is the pastor of Nepean Baptist Church in Ottawa, Ontario.

reviews

Novel thoughts about life and living

BATTLE READY: PREPARE TO BE USED BY GOD

By Steve Farrar “Everywhere across our land men are discouraged and depressed,” says Men’s Leadership Ministries founder Steve Farrar. Social ferment, political change and the current economic breakdown make these particularly tough times to be a man. To these ailments, Farrar prescribes a triple dose of hope. God is in control; He keeps His promises; He has a plan.

The book examines the lives of two biblical characters who also lived in uncertain times. “Joshua and Caleb were used by God. They didn’t squander or waste their lives. They were used, made a difference, contributed, gave more than they took, and their lives are remembered and valued to this day,” he writes. The book covers critical events in the lives of these faithful men, events that “forged them into men who were willing to go into the land and fight the giants—even when the other leaders were running for cover.”

A DAD-SIZED CHALLENGE: BUILDING A LIFE-SIZED RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SON

By Jeff Kinley Jeff Kinley knows there’s something very special about the father and son relationship. “God gave you a son. That gift is a stewardship. A treasure for you to manage, invest in, nurture, and develop.

One day when you release him and present him back to God, you want to be able to say you did your best through God’s strength.”

Yet Kinley is keenly aware that many fathers never manage to establish the kind of relationship they so deeply desire.

“Without you to show him the way in life, your son will stumble and wander aimlessly in the dark on his journey to maturity.

He will flounder his way through childhood and adolescence, lost in a world of confusing ideologies and value systems,” he insists. Drawing on his own extensive experience as a father, son and pastor, Kinley challenges men to do better and offers a host of practical suggestions.

SCARED: A NOVEL ON THE EDGE OF THE WORLD

By Tom Davis “Welcome to a world where you are not in control.” Scared is a novel with a conscience. It follows the stories of a somewhat jaded photojournalist covering events in Africa, and a young girl from Swaziland forced by circumstances to be the head of her household. The novel deals with difficult themes—disease, hunger, death, cruelty, evil. And it also deals with hope, revealing the remarkable capacity of people to rebound from adversity and to care for one other with godly love. In real life, the author is CEO of Children’s HopeChest, an organization that works with poor and vulnerable children in Russia and Ethiopia, Uganda and Swaziland.

Davis is an advocate for the fatherless, and

Scared is a remarkably creative way of helping North American readers identify with and respond helpfully to the epidemic of orphans in other parts of the world.

FIRST THINGS FIRST: THE RULES OF BEING A WARNER

By Kurt & Brenda Warner, with Jennifer Schuchmann Most men know Kurt Warner as a football hero with a flair for dramatics.

Anyone who listens to him speak soon knows that he’s also a God-fearing man who’d rather hang out with his wife and seven children than talk about Super Bowl highlights.

Now, following another remarkable comeback season and a (losing) visit to the Super Bowl, the family enterprise has published a rulebook to manage life off the gridiron. In a chapter called “Fight Fair,” Kurt discusses the tension he and Brenda experience when they are supposed to be on a date and he keeps signing autographs for people who recognize him. They still don’t fully agree, but they’ve reached some workable solutions. The book includes a lot of family pictures and is full of personal anecdotes. These are ordinary people who are doing their best to make their celebrity helpful and meaningful to others.

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features Elite athlete. Super Bowl winner. Comeback kid.

These moments help define Kurt Warner. But there’s more. Much more. SEVEN caught up with the Cardinals quarterback this summer.

DEFINING MOMENTS

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by Jerrad Peters “First things first,” said ESPN commentator Mike Tirico as he presented the Vince Lombardi Trophy to St. Louis Rams quarterback Kurt Warner. “Did you say anything before you guys went out for that play?”

Tirico was referring to the gamewinning drive Warner had engineered in the fourth quarter to win Super Bowl XXXIV on January 30, 2000. With the Rams and Tennessee Titans deadlocked in a 1616 tie, Warner’s arrow of a pass from his own 27-yard line had fallen effortlessly into the hands of Isaac Bruce, who galloped into the end zone to put his team six points ahead.

It was a storybook ending to an unforgettable season for Warner. Having entered training camp as a 28-year-old backup to starting quarterback Trent Green, he suddenly found himself in the glare of the NFL spotlight when Green went down with a season-ending knee injury in the Rams’ third pre-season game. Rather than trade for a proven starter, head coach Dick Vermeil put his faith, however slight, in the undrafted Northern Iowa product. As one pundit said at the time, “Warner is a capable backup, but certainly not what Trent Green is.” Certainly not, indeed.

Warner threw three touchdown passes in each of his first three starts for the Rams—all wins. And after two more victories against the San Francisco 49ers and the Atlanta Falcons, Warner graced the cover of Sports Illustrated for the first time, accompanied by the headline, “Who is this guy?” He waited until everyone was watching to provide an answer.

When Tirico gave him the microphone on the podium after winning the Super Bowl—and with millions of people around the world waiting for his response— Warner replied to the question.

“First things first,” he said. “I’ve got to give the praise and glory to my Lord and Savior up above. Thank you, Jesus!”

Those words, first things first, became Warner’s modus operandi. And they vaulted him onto a platform of Christian ministry that is unique to high-profile, elite athletes. In the years that followed, he began a charitable foundation with the same name and has recently written a book with his wife, Brenda, which uses the slogan as its title.

Now 38, Warner might be the most recognizable Christian athlete in North America. It’s a fact he readily attributes to his status as a Super Bowl-winning NFL quarterback. But, he’s quick to point out, he didn’t always have it so tidily packaged. He understands that his ministry is what it is because of his professional success. And he had to work his tail off to get it.

Setbacks “I think one of the things that has allowed people to gravitate to me as a football player has been the story that’s gone along with it,” Warner recently told SEVEN in an exclusive interview. “It hasn’t been picture perfect, and there have been a lot of setbacks.”

Never drafted, Warner was invited to try out with the Green Bay Packers in 1994. He was released after training camp, however, and found himself without a team to play for during the 1995 season. Running out of options, he took a job stocking shelves at a grocery store in Cedar Falls, Iowa for $5.50 an hour. When no NFL clubs came calling ahead of the 1996 campaign, he signed with the Iowa Barnstormers of the Arena Football League, where he played two seasons before joining NFL Europe’s Amsterdam Admirals.

Then he finally got his chance.

After spending a year on the sidelines backing up Green, he was thrown into the fire against the Baltimore Ravens on September 12, 1999. The rest is history.

“A lot of people can relate to my story of coming up through the ranks and going through those struggles and fulfilling my dream,” says Warner. “A lot of people can gravitate to that. They can grab hold of that and say, ‘Man, if this guy can do it— if he can overcome it and fulfill his dream—then I can, too.’”

Warner also recognizes that, given the nature of his occupation, his hardships were always going to be somewhat more glamorous than those experienced by most working people.

“My struggles are going to be different than other people’s because of my lifestyle and some of the financial success that I’ve experienced,” he admits.

“The challenges are different and the struggles are different, but we all have them. Marriage struggles, family struggles, job struggles. Even up until last year, going into last season, I wasn’t even the starting quarterback on our football team.”

Sideline duty Despite a solid 2007 campaign in which he tossed 27 touchdowns and completed 3,417 passing yards, Warner was again relegated to sideline duty when Arizona Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt opted to go with Matt Leinart as starting quarterback in training camp ahead of the 2008 season. By this time the backup role was familiar territory to Warner, who had been in and out of the lineup since joining the Cardinals in 2005—first alternating with Josh McCown and then playing second fiddle to Leinart, a highly-rated prospect.

A solid pre-season from Warner changed Whisenhunt’s mind, however, and the 37-year-old rewarded him with a season to remember. His 4,583 yards – passing was the second-highest total of his career, and his 30 touchdowns were the most he had thrown since 2001.

An early December win over the Rams

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features

secured the NFC West Division title for Arizona—their first since 1975—and all of a sudden the hapless Cardinals and their geriatric quarterback were headed to the playoffs.

It was feel-good, storybook material— classic Warner.

It didn’t end there. After edging the Atlanta Falcons in the first round, Warner went 22 for 32, threw a pair of touchdowns and engineered a 33-13 demolition of the favoured Carolina Panthers in Charlotte. A week later, he tossed four touchdowns as the Cardinals beat Philadelphia 32-25 to advance to the first Super Bowl in franchise history.

It was an immaculate performance from Warner. On the game’s opening drive, he marched his team downfield and completed a nine-yard touchdown pass to Larry Fitzgerald. But even that demonstration of confidence was nothing compared to the highlight-reel play he masterminded in the second quarter.

After taking the snap, Warner scooped the ball to running back J.J. Arrington who quickly returned it to the quarterback.

In the meantime, Fitzgerald had run 62 yards downfield and was wide open in a scoring position. Warner saw him and hurled a missile of a pass to his receiver, who took it comfortably in his lap. The touchdown put Arizona ahead by 10, and they never looked back.

On the winners’ podium after the game, Warner found himself in a familiar situation, with a familiar opportunity presented to him to FOX analyst Terry Bradshaw.

“You’re not going to like this,” said Bradshaw, “but you’re the third-oldest quarterback to ever play in a Super Bowl.

How does that make you feel?”

Warner replied, “Everybody’s going to be tired of hearing this, but I’m not tired of saying it. There’s one reason that I’m standing up on this stage today. That’s because of my Lord up above. I’ve got to say thanks to Jesus.”

After an unlikely comeback season and a trio of superb performances in the playoffs, there was little reason to believe that Warner wouldn’t be offering similar thanks after Super Bowl XLIII two weeks

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later in Tampa Bay. He was confident, on a roll and playing as well as he ever had.

Even the vaunted Pittsburgh Steelers defense wouldn’t be able to block the road of Warner’s personal journey.

First things first “So many people in this business allow the game and their career to define them. For me, with my family and my marriage, I never let the game define me.”

Kurt Warner is a family man. While he’s happy to discuss football at any given time, it’s never long before the conversation turns to his children or his wife. He gushes about them. Zach—at 19 the oldest of the Warner clan—is legally blind and preparing for an independent lifestyle. Jesse, 17, is about to begin university. Ten-year-old Kade doesn’t care too much for football. Jada is eight and a vegetarian. Elijah, 5, wants to be a football player like his dad. Three-year-old twins Sienna and Sierra like to hide in the pantry.

Then there’s his wife, Brenda.

The two met while Kurt was attending the University of Northern Iowa. According to an article in Phoenix Women, they happened to be in the same country music club one evening, and spent the night dancing until Kurt walked Brenda to her car and bent down to kiss her goodbye. She interrupted him, and explained that she was divorced with two kids at home. She never expected to see him again.

Then he showed up at her door the next morning. Zach immediately took to him and showed him around the house.

Brenda—four years older than the 21-yearold playing with Zach and Jesse—quickly realized how much she could trust him.

They were married five years later and have been partners in a very public lifestyle ever since.

Kurt is quick to point out the impact of Brenda’s own compelling story. And after she was thrust into the NFL spotlight alongside her husband, she used it at as platform for a ministry of her own. In 2001 she and Kurt founded a non-profit charity.

She also has a heart for needy children and spends time in a hospital with sick

Great wealth brings great responsibility When Kurt Warner thinks about stewardship, he thinks of a gospel verse. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33, NIV). In Warner’s mind, material wealth is worthless unless dedicated to and used for God’s glory.

“First things first, I’ve got to give credit to Jesus,” he says. “What I have was given to me by God, so I do my best to use it for God’s glory.”

By most people’s standards, Warner has a lot. After becoming a free agent in February, he agreed to a twoyear contract with the Cardinals, worth US $23 million—$15 million of it up front as a signing bonus.

Professional football has made Warner a rich man, and he takes that very seriously.

“It’s a huge responsibility,” he says. “I don’t take that responsibility lightly.”

Through his charitable foundation, Warner directs significant portions of his salary to projects such as building homes for low-income families and outreach initiatives in children’s hospitals. “[Stewardship] can look a lot of different ways,” he says. “It can look like my charity. It can look like giving to people in other capacities. It can look like saving money to make sure I take care of my children. And, to some degree, it can be enjoyment.

“I don’t feel guilty for having money, because I know God gave it to me. Where I would feel guilty is if I wasted the money on things I didn’t think ultimately benefited what God called us to. Stewardship is taking what God gives us and using it for His glory.”

— Jerrad Peters

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infants. Most recently, she let the public in on even more of her private life by co-authoring the just-released book First Things First with Kurt. Ironically, it was her husband who may have learned the most about her from reading it.

“You think you know a lot about a person and you have them down pretty good,” says Kurt. “But then things come up. These were things that we didn’t talk about but should have talked about. The process [of writing the book] was very good for us, if for nothing else but to open up some windows that we hadn’t opened up before.”

One of those windows was what the book calls the “crazed and chaotic Warner household.” With a busy mom, seven kids under the age of 20 and a jet setting, NFL quarterback dad, it’s not hard to imagine.

“Crazy and chaotic,” laughs Kurt, “but maybe in a great sort of way. It’s crazed in the sense that you just never know what’s going to happen next— what’s going to transpire from one minute to the next. It keeps you jumping; it keeps you excited; it keeps you laughing and it keeps you moving forward because every day is a new adventure.”

Comfort and encouragement Warner’s family has been more of a comfort, more of an encouragement than usual this year. On the final play of the Super Bowl on February 1, Warner’s attempted game-winning, Hail Mary pass was cut short when he was sacked by Pittsburgh linebacker LaMarr Woodley.

Defensive end Brett Keisel recovered the ball, and Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger took a knee to win the big game.

For Warner, it wasn’t supposed to be the way the Super Bowl ended. Late in the fourth quarter he had taken the ball on his own 38-yard line and thrown an incredible touchdown pass to Fitzgerald.

Ahead for the first time on the night, it seemed as though Warner had somehow written another unlikely comeback tale.

That’s not how it turned out. And Warner was forced to turn to those closest to him in the days and weeks following the loss.

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“The greatest thing with a big family and a supportive wife is that football is simply football,” says Warner. “They help to keep that in perspective more than anything. In this day and age it’s football 100 per cent of the time.

Everything’s about football. If you’re just caught up in the world of the NFL, it’s all about winning and losing. It’s all about how you play and stats and all that stuff.

I think the beautiful thing about having a big family is that it takes you away from all that. They don’t care. It doesn’t define you.”

With seven kids, Warner doesn’t have to go far to get his mind off football. Each of them, he says, has unique personalities and distinctive interests. But he also enjoys getting them all into the van and doing things as an entire family.

“We really just do whatever they want to do,” he says. “They all want to do different things. We love to go to movies together. We love to go to the park. We love to play board games together.”

First things first—that’s what defines Kurt Warner. God, spouse and family.

“They don’t let me get lost,” says Warner. “They always bring you to, ‘Dad, this is what defines you— being my dad,’ or ‘This is what defines you—being my husband,’ or ‘This is what defines you—your faith and your belief in Jesus.’ Those are the things that separate you.”

Jerrad Peters is the managing editor of ChristianWeek, a biweekly newspaper covering Christian faith and life in Canada. He also writes sports stories for a variety of magazines and web sites.

Get your copy of Kurt and Brenda Warner's new book at www.promisekeepers.ca

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Taken separately, each module is designed to equip you from God’s Word in one of the key areas that define a man: MODULE 1: Biblical Manhood MODULE 2: Sexual Purity MODULE 3: Husbanding MODULE 4: Fathering One on One leadership coaching from experienced and wise men of God. Peer mentoring with other men on the same journey as you are.

A smaller more focused event – limited to approximately 50 participants with small groups of up to only 8 – participants build meaningful relationships with each other and with the Promise Keepers Canada leaders.

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features

When trial is joy

Many men push themselves to unimaginable extremes.

An Iron Man competitor helps us to understand why.

by Tim Doherty I’m poured out. Ninety lengths into my Thursday swim workout, and I’m done.

I arrived at the pool already tired. And with at least 90 lengths still to go, I’m utterly drained. I want to go limp like a noodle in a tepid pot. I had a plan, but now I’m done. But I don’t stop.

Why? I don’t know.

I love this sport. I have been a triathlete for most of 20 years. But why? In recent years the question has become significant because so many men are pushing themselves to extreme limits in so many ways. The 10k road race used to be the standard challenge; now it’s a mere beginner’s effort. Now many ordinary people want to run a marathon. And the one-to-three hour versions of triathlon— once seen as only for extremists—have grown exponentially among ordinary people.

Then there’s the big one: Today if one desires to race one of the eight “Iron Distance” races in North America, you pay $500 a year in advance for the privilege of spending 10, 12, even 16 hours with 1,500 other people pushing your body through what’s been described as “swimming 3.8 kilometres, biking 180

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kilometres and then trying to come up with enough reasons to run a marathon.”

And then there’s the Deca Iron Triathlon—10 Ironmans in a row. Are there no limits?

It’s April and winter is supposed to be past. But today the wind is absolutely howling. The plan says I’ve got to get in a four-and-a-half hour ride.

The thermometer says 1°C and the wind chill is minus a million. Why am I out here? A few times I’m nearly blown off the road and inside my numbed head the self-talk chatters away that if I stop I’ll freeze. Spandex and nylon aren’t nearly enough to survive out here if I don’t keep pedaling. Good times.

Why? I recently asked a few friends why we do this. “An enormous amount of my life is about control,” responded one.

“People expect me to be perfect at my job. And in my life I can’t say what I really think, or somebody would be offended....

I can’t hit anyone or I’d be arrested. And this is good.... But that’s why I need to pour all my energy into something....

That’s why I love red-lining it.”

For him, extreme sport is a kind of freedom to be himself.

There are other motives. Some guys do extreme endeavours as a stress reliever.

Others are addicted, trying to fill a bottomless hole. Some are trying to prove something to someone who told them they didn’t measure up. Others go to extremes just to discover what their body and mind are capable of. Still others do it for the discipline.

I have known these motivations. Some endure. Others pass through like Gatorade. Yet in recent years, another reason has settled in.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked.... We all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind.... But God.... made us alive together with Christ…and raised us up with him.... For we are his workmanship,

created in Christ Jesus for good works…that we should walk in them” (from Ephesians 2, ESV).

I have learned that God expresses Himself through those who know Jesus.

And so in Him I persevere. In Him, trial is joy. He is, ultimately, my reason why.

As I swim, bike and run, I grow in knowing the One in whom I am truly alive.

It’s not because my heart pumps, arms splash, legs mash the pedals and feet pound the pavement. It’s not because I might do it better than some guys, or because I achieve goals. I do it because Jesus is my life.

Triathlon is one way by which God empties me of me. Many times I have gone limp in the water, lifeless in the saddle, flat on the road. I die. But He has resurrected me in Christ. He shows weakness. He hems in strength and trains the sluggish will. Do others see Him and His work? I pray they would. Yet this is mostly about me being poured out in Him for His glory.

A few weeks ago I got to race again.

It was a glorious day: Sparkling water, churning arms. Climbing hill after quadbusting hill on the bike, whooshing past towering maples and fragrant pines, exulting in God who made it all. And then finding legs less like tree trunks, and more like hinds’ feet, to get off the bike and actually run! O joy!

God, this is yours.

Tim Doherty is husband to Monica (his greatest cheerleader), father of two wonderful girls, coach to disciples of Jesus and a leader in church multiplication at Kingsfield, in Huron County, Ontario. Tim competed in the Lake Placid Ironman on July 26, 2009, finishing within his personal time goals for each of the segments. He completed the 3.8 km swim, 180 km bike and 42 km marathon in 12 hours 19 minutes. Reach him at tim@kingsfieldcommon.com

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features

risky ventures

Meet some people who are thrilled to live on the edge for God

by Sandra Reimer

In the spring of 2007, Nigel Paul* visited a house church in a remote, northern Pakistan village near a terrorist training camp in a region known to be an Al-Qaeda stronghold. As he entered a small, roofless courtyard surrounded by hostile neighbours he thought to himself, “This is not the safest place in the world.” He put his life in God’s hands as he proceeded to preach the gospel through a translator to about 30 people.

Why would he take such a risk?

Dr. Frank H. Farley, a psychologist at Temple University in Philadelphia has been studying risk taking for more than 20 years. He categorizes people who seek stimulation through taking risks as “Type T” personalities (T for thrill). These men and women prefer unpredictability, * name changed

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uncertainty, novelty, complexity, ambiguity, low structure, high tension and high conflict.

Their need for adventure can be met negatively through substance abuse, promiscuous sex or riding a motorcycle at insane speeds without a helmet.

More constructively, Type T’s may go white water rafting, invest in a promising but risky business initiative, or invent something.

Like many guys, Paul admits he loves adventure. “Some people seem to think that desiring or appreciating adventure isn’t spiritual. But the Bible is full of adventure.” Yet his desire seems deeper than a need for self-centred thrills.

Stifled by the status quo Shawn Birss and his wife Kate reach out to punks and activists in Edmonton

through an incarnational community and their church, Look to the Cross for Victory.

Birss’s transformation from a suburban pastor to a punk-loving radical started out as dissatisfaction with the status quo.

He attended Christian school and later Bible college. At 21 he was a highachieving youth pastor at a church in Calgary. He led worship, ran a youth ministry, went to school full-time and was even the student-body president. “I was very successful in this bubble but I didn’t want to be part of it anymore,” says Birss.

On his way to work at the church, Birss rode the bus with people who asked him for money and cigarettes—people he didn’t have time for sitting behind his desk “doing ministry.” But Birss was drawn to misfits. He would often watch punks from a lounge that was four storeys up. “I wanted to touch the people that others weren’t touching.”

Three years later, Birss was on staff with a Lethbridge, Alberta church plant that ran a sparsely attended drop-in.

He wished youth hanging out on the streets would come. Then he had an idea.

The church distributed 400 flyers inviting punks to a redesigned drop-in that included a live band and free food.

To their surprise, 75 people came to the first event. After the show, Birss mounted the stage and said, “This is our gift to you. We just want you to know we love you and Jesus loves you.”

The punks booed and tried to drown him out. After they left, Birss found garbage everywhere and graffiti in the bathroom.

Despite the mess, Birss was over the moon that 75 people who never attend church were inside his church. To the punks’ amazement, he invited them back. The following week 85 people came to Punk After School Special or Punk A.S.S. for short. Many strong relationships were formed as Birss and the youth shared their lives.

Finding God through risk More important than meeting their need for an adrenaline rush, men like Birss and Paul get to know God as they live an adventure with meaning and purpose.

Jay Gurnett, assistant executive director of Vision Ministries Canada (VMC), a church-planting and leadership development organization with Brethren roots, is well acquainted with risk takers.

In the last 17 years, VMC has helped launch approximately 45 new initiatives— including many church plants.

The people Gurnett works with dare to answer God’s call even when challenges are guaranteed but a salary is not. “When you have to put something on the line, you learn that God is real.”

Paul agrees. Though he is a successful young entrepreneur, after returning from Pakistan he moved into the kind of highpoverty, high-crime Toronto neighbourhood that most people avoid.

“Suddenly, in this place of need, where I was pretty hopeless and useless on my own, I needed God. And He showed up.”

Living in community, Paul and friends pray together regularly, letting the Holy Spirit lead them as they interact with their neighbours—many of whom are immigrants from countries closed to the gospel. “I love seeing God make good on His promise to set captives free. I love praying—I love the deep fellowship of intimate, unity-of-purpose, in-the-battle, Christian community,” he said.

“When I meet bored Christians who are looking for the radical God they read about in the Bible, I can’t help but shout, ‘I’ve found Him! He’s in the places the Christians don’t want to live in!’” Paul invites other young Christians to live incarnationally in high-needs Toronto and Ottawa communities through MoveIn (www.movein.to), an organization he started in 2009.

Birss painting a leather jacket. Over the years, Birss has adopted punk dress. Sometimes people believe that this is what enables him to do his ministry. “My leather jacket doesn’t make me capable to love punks anymore than Peter being a fisherman makes him capable of walking on water,” says Birss. Instead he chalks it up to obedience and love. “Jesus said go there, love there. All credit goes to the One who says go.”

Birss and Paul feel alive as they serve God passionately. In the end that seems to be more satisfying than the temporary thrill of driving fast or jumping off a cliff.

Birss adds, “We have 70 some years on this planet—that’s not very long; it’s over in a flash. I want to live as many of those moments for Jesus as possible.”

Sandra Reimer is freelance writer and publicist. She runs Reimer Reason Communications and serves on the editorial advisory board for SEVEN.

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EDGY PREACHERS

Mark Driscoll and Craig Gross do not pussyfoot around tough topics, and their hard-nosed approach is proving very attractive to male audiences Frank Stirk

Seeker Insensitive Why men like Mark Driscoll’s hard-edged sermons Mark Driscoll doesn’t look like your typical pastor—because he isn’t. He wears jeans torn at the knees and looks like he hasn’t shaved in a couple of days.

His sermons are long, usually an hour or more, and he’s prone to yell and accuse and make some people squirm with his tough-guy vibe and macho lingo.

But Driscoll, who pastors Mars Hill Church in Seattle, is also fiercely uncompromising in his challenge to Christian men to act like the leaders Scripture commands them to be. For him, developing mature male leaders is so essential to church health and Kingdom growth that it is nothing less than “a hill to die on.” So it’s no surprise that he has little patience for pastors who he suspects are too afraid of the backlash they’d cause if they turned their churches into “man-factories.”

“Some of you guys, right now, you’re chickens. I see it in your eyes. You’re cowards,” Driscoll told pastors at a conference in Burnaby, B.C., a couple of years ago. “You’re like, ‘Somebody’s going to get their feeling’s hurt.’ Canadian nicety is the problem. You work for a guy who got killed. I mean, put your cup on and get in the game and be willing to take a nasty email.”

Ouch, eh? And Driscoll isn’t done. “If you preach a weak, effeminate, cowardly, timid, humble, Galilean peasant in a dress who doesn’t like conflict,” he warns, “you cannot and will not and should not attract men.”

But is pumped-up masculinity the way to turn weak-willed men into mighty warriors for Jesus? Ross Hastings, a

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former pastor who now teaches mission studies at Vancouver’s Regent College, has his doubts. “Nothing ticks me off more,” he says, “than the fact that in most churches I have served, the women outshine the men in biblical study, literacy and godliness by a country mile.

“Yes, it’s true that [Jesus] was unafraid of controversy, and we need to be humbly courageous in our day. But He got killed for the simple reason that He submitted Himself to the Father’s will and refused to fight back. So who’s the manly Man?” Yet far from turning people off, Driscoll’s message and style—which The New York Times last January dubbed “seeker insensitive”—seems to be exactly what young men especially are craving.

They’re noticing because what started out as a home Bible study is now one of the fastest-growing mega-churches in one of the least-churched cities in the U.S. “Deep down in the heart of men is the dignity for responsibility,” says Driscoll.

“Men want to be told, ‘We expect more from you than to be a porn addict and an unemployed loser and a guy whose whole goal is to find a woman with a good job.’ ... But they never had a dad, or they had a dad who divorced their mom, or who looked at porn, or who beat them up, or who molested their sister. These guys have no framework for masculinity.”

Frank Stirk is a Vancouver-based

Let’s Be Real and Honest Why men need to hear Craig Gross and his anti-porn message Craig Gross has never met a challenge he didn’t take on. As a young pastor in southern California, he noticed that many in his church were struggling with pornography. In 2002, he responded with XXXchurch.com, a website that offers a way of escape to everyone caught up in the multi-million dollar porn industry—from its creators to its consumers. As one of its slogans says, “Jesus loves porn stars.”

But Gross didn’t stop there. To promote the website, he and co-founder Mike Foster set up a booth at an “adult entertainment expo” in Las Vegas, offering an alternative to porn directly to those most involved.

That spawned a ministry that has taken Gross to churches and college campuses around the world. He continues to set up shop inside porn conventions, and he’s done about 50 public debates with porn star Ron Jeremy. One of his latest projects is the Strip Church, an outreach to hotel and casino workers and gamblers along the Las Vegas Strip.

Since it began, more than 70 million people have visited XXXchurch.com. And that includes Christians. As a 22-year-old university student confessed online, “I am addicted to porn and masturbation.... I am a true believing Christian and feel the devil is pulling me 24/7. Help me.”

“When people come to us,” says Gross, “we say, ‘There’s a God who knows you by name, who understands this and offers you something better—and He’s madly in love with you. There’s nothing you can do that would make Him love you any less, no matter what you’ve done with

your career or browsed on a computer.’”

This November, Gross will be speaking at a Promise Keepers Canada conference in Mississauga, Ontario. “I know guys that have gone to his XXX Church workshops in years past and they’ve come back changed. He gets under their skin,” says Rick Verkerk, national manager of events and field ministry with Promise Keepers Canada.

Verkerk says no PK man has ever admitted to him that he has a problem with porn, but he’s sure many are struggling. They just can’t or won’t talk about it.

“We do other conferences where we do workshops and at all of them I have a sexual purity workshop,” he says. “And every year for the past four years, in every city we go to, it’s the best attended workshop. So they don’t say it, but their actions tell me clearly that this is a major, major issue that they need to deal with.”

Gross adds, “We want to pretend we got the answers and the fixes to everything. But, hey, let’s be honest and real that this is wrecking you and it’s destroying your home. It’s not your wife’s responsibility to be that leader because you’re not.”

XXXchurch.com quotes U.S. stats that suggest that 53 per cent of PK men said they had viewed pornography in the week prior to being surveyed, and that 47 per cent of Christians said pornography was a major problem in the home.

Craig Gross is speaking at the Forever National Men’s Conference in Mississauga this November (www.promisekeepers.ca)

seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 25

money matters

Reassessing the family car These are prime times to re-assess our attitude toward automobiles.

by Harvey Pickering The Bible reminds us that the world is in constant change; that “to every thing there is a season....” Among the changes many of us face today is our attitude towards automobiles.

In our grandparents’ day, a reliable car was a dream fulfilled. Over time, cars changed from a novel luxury to a real necessity. But how much is that necessity costing us in various ways? Do we need more than one car per family? Are soaring gasoline prices, the impact of fossil fuels, and strains on family budgets changing the way we look at the four-wheeled machines in our driveway?

To some, cars remain as essential as

ever. Others, concerned about saving money and protecting the environment, may want to ponder the following facts.

The average family does not need more than one car. Studies suggest three out of four second cars are unnecessary.

To many families, the second car represents the most wasteful single expense, draining at least $5,000 annually. If you’re a two-car family, consider getting by with one car. In place of the second car, use public transportation, car pools or, if weather permits, a bicycle.

One newer car may prove better than two older cars. Two aging sedans with V6 or V8 engines may be costing you more in gasoline, repairs and insurance than one new minivan with a four-cylinder engine. Today’s cars deliver lower emissions, better safety features, more reliability and Providing easy-to-read Bibles much improved gas mileage compared for this generation. with cars built just a few years ago. Over Giving hope to the lost. the long run, it may pay to upgrade to a single newer vehicle.

Spread the Word, feed the soul, Fill in the gaps with a rental. change a life.

Whenever the need To make a donation or to receive your free for a second or copy of the New Testament, please contact: larger vehicle arises, consider a rental.

Bibles@TheLifeLight.com or call It costs between $5,000 and 1-866-HIS-WORD (447-9673) $10,000 to keep Canadian LifeLight Ministries a second vehicle 330-1695 Henderson Highway in your driveway Winnipeg, MB, R2G 1P1 but less than $100 a day to rent one

Help us to:

seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 26

(usually with unlimited mileage) when you need it for vacations or extended trips, which may be only five or six times a year. Do the math.

Think small. Small cars cost less to buy, burn less fuel, emit less carbon dioxide (CO2) and qualify for lower insurance rates, yet are often surprisingly roomy. Unless your family consists of professional basketball players, you probably don’t need a full-sized car.

City dwellers rarely need an SUV or fourwheel-drive. SUVs are thirsty for fuel and unwieldy in traffic; four-wheel-drive is costly to buy, operate, maintain and repair.

Look beyond the shiny stuff. With gasoline at more than a dollar per litre, fuel consumption becomes a major factor in your buying decision. If your new car avoids one fill-up per month, that’s $5,000 in your pocket over the first five years of ownership. Also, avoid cars that need expensive premium fuel to deliver top gas mileage.

Should you buy or lease? It’s almost always cheaper to purchase.

Consider your health. This being Canada, we can’t comfortably walk or bicycle to every destination year round.

But the more you depend on your legs instead of a gas-guzzling car, the healthier you’ll be.

Automobiles were once a source of pride to Canadians who believed a big shiny vehicle in their driveway somehow made the owner more worthy of respect.

These days, respect can be earned by other means, such as protecting the environment and assisting those in need.

Surely these actions reflect God’s plan, and you may well begin to realize them by redirecting the cost and impact of your car toward new goals.

Harvey Pickering, FIC, is Sales Manager for Western Canada with FaithLife Financial.

Out of my depth

“I’m confused” The ultimate extreme is life abandoned to God

by Phil Wagler

The movie Blood Diamond is a fascinating study in what makes men tick. Danny Archer (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a Zimbabwean diamond smuggler who through cinematic fate finds his life tied to a West African fisherman named Solomon Vandy (Djimon Hounsou).

Archer lost his parents tragically as a child and now lives the lonely and dangerous life of a mercenary who makes cheap diamonds a girl’s best friend. He lives for the adrenaline of the chase—the chase for elusive jewels, for money, for women, from enemies, and ultimately, the chase for purpose in his wounded and empty life.

Vandy, conversely, has almost nothing except his family. He is a husband and father in a poor African nation. When his family is torn apart in the brutal Sierra Leone civil war and he is enslaved in the mines, everything he does is aimed at reuniting his brood. They are his life.

He is as driven as Archer, only his arrow is pointed in the opposite direction.

As Danny and Solomon embark on a final trek to find a valuable and hidden blood diamond it is for divergent reasons.

Archer is looking to get rich to escape the life he knows. Solomon is looking to escape back to the life he knew. A telling conversation ensues in which Solomon asks Danny piercing questions of meaning and purpose. Does he have a wife? No. Does he have children? No. Solomon literally stops in his tracks.

It makes no sense to risk life and limb for no real purpose. Why this pointless extreme existence? “I’m confused,” he blurts.

“That makes two of us,” replies the despairing smuggler as he marches off in his perplexity to chase another shiny rock.

His life is extreme in its blandness.

The rush is a sedative. The karat glint distracts from a heart of stone, a vacuum of purpose, a life with adventure but no meaning.

What is so extreme about living solely for self? What’s so wild and adventurous about that when we do it all the time?

That’s just normal. The Danny Archers and couch potatoes of this world are simply polar opposites of the same reality. The only difference is one goes down in a blaze of glory while the other goes down in a haze of corn chips. Don’t

Any extreme life we might imagine is Saturday morning cartoons compared to what is possible with God. we know, if we’re really honest, that such extremes are not extreme at all?

At the end of Blood Diamond we pity the tragic Archer whose aim was so late on target, while Solomon’s simple, purposeful, selfless life is always extremely attractive. Which man got it right? Are these the only choices?

Hear the words of Jesus Christ, the Lord of history: “What is impossible with men is possible with God” (Luke 18:27).

Any extreme life we might imagine is Saturday morning cartoons compared to what is possible with God. Jesus is responding to His confused disciples about who is in the Kingdom of God. Jesus upends our normalcy, as extreme or honourable as it may be, and invites us into the potential of the Kingdom of God. You see, for Jesus there is a third way besides the way of Archer and even Vandy. Family is good, Solomon has purpose, but Jesus pushes to a new extreme vision for life: “I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life” (Luke 18:29-30).

The extreme life is not focused on self, neither is it focused solely on those closest to us. It is life abandoned unto God. This is the third way, the supernatural life to which Jesus points.

We are called to a grand yet single purpose, to leave the wilds, the banal and even the admirable for the impossible possibilities of life in the footsteps of Christ. This is the extreme life that confuses our natural tendencies, but it is what Jesus calls us to.

Or, is He too extreme?

Phil Wagler is a husband, father, and pastor living in southern Ontario.

seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 27

power play

Great games. Great toys.

Great gadgets.

Reviews by Sandy McMurray

RIPT FUSION UNDERSHIRT

www.riptfusion.com Ript Fusion, the “torso-enhancing” undershirt, is the fashion equivalent of alchemy; it promises to turn a beer belly into a six-pack.

“Men today care about their appearance and their health, but are unwilling to compromise comfort,” says Heather Thomson, the shirt’s designer.

“That’s why I have fused fashion and function in the creation of a new version of the classic men’s undershirt that provides unique benefits without sacrificing comfort.”

Ript Fusion is part of the fashion product category known as “men’s shapewear.” The Ript undershirt is a “compression garment” that compacts the abdomen and back to make a flatter silhouette. The goal is to transform you from Incredible Bulk to Superman.

(Marketing folks will tell you that many athletes wear compression garments.

This is especially true of very fat athletes.)

To put on a Ript Fusion undershirt, pull on all the way to your underarm, then pull over your head and force downward.

To take off a Ript Fusion undershirt, call a friend or call 9-1-1 and explain that you’re stuck in your girdle.

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THE MAN WALL

www.themanwall.com Have you ever idly wondered what the ultimate entertainment centre might look like? This might be it.

The Man Wall is eight feet high, eight feet wide and two feet deep. It comes with four TVs including a 42” LCD HDTV, a 1000 watt Panasonic 5.1 home theatre system, a DVD player with 5disk changer, and an iPod docking station. There’s a seven-foot wide sports ticker with built-in computer, a 1000-watt microwave oven, a refrigerated beer keg with tap, dual cigar humidors and a 32-bottle wine rack.

All this for just $15,000? Pinch me!

The all-in-one design neatly conceals the appliances, speakers, cables, tangled wires, and conspicuous consumption.

When it comes to excess, The Man Wall exceeds.

USB CHAINSAW

http://www.usbchainsaw.com/ The gadget store at ThinkGeek.com has an entire category for small devices that are powered by USB. In addition to useful things, like USB-powered speakers and reading lights, you can also buy surprising and silly stuff like the George Foreman USB iGrill and tiny toys that play music, display photos or launch foam rockets.

That was just the beginning.

Introducing i.Saw—the world’s first USB-powered portable chainsaw.

No, I’m not kidding. Plug it in, rev it up, and start cutting. Never before has a chainsaw been made available in such a compact and mobile form.

It’s loud, it’s fun, and ... it’s fiction.

The web site is real enough but the product doesn’t exist. It’s just part of a campaign that urges people to use less paper at work.

If you go to usbchainsaw.com you can see the i.Saw promotional video and marvel at how convincing it is. you’re there, click on the i.Saw download link to get free “Papercut” software that plays a chainsaw sound effect every time you use your computer printer.

AEROPRESS COFFEE MAKER

www.aeropress.com In a world filled with $20 drip coffee makers, AeroPress dares to be different.

It doesn’t look like a coffee maker.

It looks like a big plastic tube.

I was skeptical when I first read about AeroPress, but I eventually decided to give it a try.

I’m glad I did. AeroPress makes a great cup of coffee.

Here’s how it goes: You place the filter—a small circle of paper—in the cap of the AeroPress. Screw the cap on and place it over your mug. Add one scoop of fresh ground coffee for each cup you wish to fill, then add one ounce of hot water for each scoop of coffee. Stir the hot water and coffee grounds for about 10 seconds then gently insert the plunger and begin pushing it down. The fresh coffee gets pushed into your mug. As is, it’s espresso; add hot water or milk to get a weaker brew.

Cleanup is easy: unscrew the cap at the bottom then hold the AeroPress over a garbage can. Push the plunger gently until the “puck” of coffee grounds pops out into the garbage. A simple rinse is the only other cleanup that’s required.

I confess that I’m a coffee snob, but I was won over by the AeroPress, which combines great taste with a fun coffee-making process. AeroPress is awesome.

SEABREACHER PERSONAL WATERCRAFT

www.seabreacher.com If you have always wanted to ride a dolphin, I have just the thing for you.

The Seabreacher is a personal watercraft with a difference: it can travel on and under water. You can zip along the water surface, at speeds up to 35 mph, or close the canopy and submerge to travel under water at speeds up to 20 mph.

Go to Seabreacher.com for more pictures, and to watch the videos that show how you can jump, dive and roll when you’re in a Seabreacher.

Site Seeing Some recommended sites from around the Web:

DEMOLITION CITY

www.armorgames.com Demolition City is an addictive webbased game. You play a demolition expert armed with dynamite. Each level of the game is a simple puzzle. Your job is to figure out where to place your charges for maximum effect so the entire building comes down without destroying anything else nearby.

ANIMATED ENGINES

www.animatedengines.com Animated Engines is an interactive, educational web site that uses movies and pictures to demonstrate how various engines work. The animated illustrations explain the inner workings of a variety of steam, Stirling and internal combustion engines.

CAFE PRESS

www.cafepress.com CafePress is the world’s best-known make-and-sell web site. You upload your artwork or clever message, and then CafePress offers it for sale on mugs, shirts, hats and more. They handle the sales, the shipping and everything else, and split the profits with you.

THE GAME CRAFTER

www.thegamecrafter.com This is a new make-and-sell web site that focuses on games. The Game Crafter offers customized templates that make it easy to produce a desk of cards or a board game complete with tokens, dice, rulebook, etc. You design, they sell, and you split the profits.

Sandy McMurray writes about gears, games and gadgets for SEVEN. His web site is mcme.com

seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 29

What women want

Pucker up For women, kissing is not always the appetizer. Often it’s the main course.

by Sheila Wray Gregoire Have you kissed your wife today?

I mean really kissed her. Not some split second peck, but have you enveloped her in your arms, pressed your lips against hers and given her a smooch to make her toes curl?

No? Why not?

Do you realize the benefits of kissing?

Dentists say it produces extra saliva to slow tooth decay. Doctors tell us it boosts our metabolism to twice its normal rate.

Psychologists tell us it helps relieve stress. But ask a woman, and she’ll tell you that kissing makes her happy!

I’m not sure if men realize how much women love kissing. From the time we are small, little girls are mesmerized by kisses. When we dream about our wedding day, we focus on the dress, the flowers and the music, but it all culminates in the kiss. We rarely fastforward from there. Even as a teen, when I imagined my dream date, I pictured strolling hand on hand, or sitting on a bench with his arm around me, all leading up to that magical kiss beneath the moonlight.

As a guy, you probably pictured more than just the kiss. And perhaps, if I’m honest, I’d admit that we girls dreamed of that, too. On the whole, though, it wasn’t the potential for wandering hands that made us breathless; it was that sweepme-off-my-feet smooch. That’s what we practiced into pillows, giggled with best friends about and drifted off to sleep imagining.

And then we got married and the kissing stopped. What a rip-off.

When Keith and I were engaged, we took kissing to an art form because we

had so much practice. Everything else, of course, was off-limits since we wanted to wait for marriage, but we indulged where we could.

But after the wedding I felt kissing had become too dangerous. When we were first married, Keith treated kisses as if they were down-payments for something later. And since I couldn’t guarantee what my mood would be like when bedtime loomed, I decided kissing was too much like an IOU to make it a safe activity.

Maybe you’ve encountered this same phenomenon in your marriage. Have you ever planted a stupendous kiss on your beloved, felt her melt in your arms, and then had her suddenly turn cold when your hands began to wander?

What just happened? She was enjoying herself, wasn’t she? Doesn’t she like it when you touch her? Yes. And no.

In general, men need sex, but they can take or leave affectionate embraces.

Women, on the other hand, thrive on that affection; it’s sex we don’t necessarily need. If every time you get affectionate you try to move it to the next level, you cheapen something that is really important to her.

For women, kissing is not always the appetizer to something; often it’s the main course in itself. Sure it may be accompanied by sex, but it’s also available on the side, from the á la carte menu. And to us, that can make it sweeter. We need intimacy and emotional connection, and kissing can deliver that even better than sex. Our bodies are pressed together, we’re breathing the same air, and we can’t turn our faces away, as we can during sex.

That doesn’t mean women don’t want sex! But if your wife feels feel like you’re kissing her only as step one in a four-step process, then you’re telling her, “I’m only spending time with you right now to get something I want.” What she wants to hear is, “I love just being with you and experiencing you, however we do that.”

I know kissing without it going anywhere can be frustrating for a guy, and perhaps you’d rather chuck it to save yourself that hassle. But if that’s your attitude, then the only rolling your sheets are likely to experience will be because your wife turned you over when you were snoring.

That’s because unlike men, women need an excuse to get aroused. It doesn’t just happen. Kiss your wife, and you get her body beginning to think in that direction. If you assume that it has to go in that direction, though, she feels the pressure and can’t relax, and now the best key she has to turning her libido switch on is gone. Kiss her during the day, with no agenda, and she’s more likely to be interested in wandering hands at night!

That may sound akin to asking a lion to be a vegetarian, but the more you give her affection, without always expecting something else, the more likely you are to get that something else. She’ll feel valued, loved, and desirable, so she’s more likely to act on those feelings.

Try this experiment for a month.

Everyday, kiss your wife for at least 15 seconds straight. Don’t let your hands wander too much (unless hers do!).

And then walk off. You just may find her begging you to come back for more!

Sheila is the author of several marriage books, including Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood. You can find her speaking at marriage conferences around the country, or at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com.

seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 30

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seven – issue eight september–october 2009 page 31