january – february 2010 Newsstand Price CDN $4.95
Sport and Spirit Athletes (and others) at their best (and otherwise)
shane doan’s summer of discontent heavy traffic: the dark side of the games
contents
january – february, 2010
on the cover 14–24
Winter Olympics Come to Canada Sport and spirit on display at Vancouver 2010
Publisher: Brian Koldyk Managing Editor: Doug Koop Pulse Editor: Robert White
features
advertising account executives:
14 Lifestyles of the fit and the fast Performance pressure and partying make chaplains a vital part of Athletes’ Village.
WILLIAM LEIGHTON: william@christianweek.org DARRELL FRIESEN: darrell@christianweek.org JIM HICKS: jhicks@christianweek.org Unless otherwise indicated, neither ChristianWeek nor Promise Keepers Canada guarantee, warrant, or endorse any product, program, or service advertised.
16 Buying sex is not a sport Sex slavery flourishes around major events.
editorial advisory board KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada PHIL WAGLER: Kingsfield Zurich MC SANDRA REIMER: Reimer Reason Communications DOUG KOOP: ChristianWeek
18 Shane Doan’s summer of discontent A Canadian hockey hero endures hard times. 20 Olympic dream dies “God had other plans,” says David Bentall.
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promise keepers canada
22 Snowboarder transformed Tired of living in a hedonistic fog, Andy Finch finds true life. 25 Someone wanted me alive For some divine reason, Jack Popjes has nine lives.
1295 North Service Road PO Box 40599 Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 (905) 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca Postmaster: Please send address changes to PO Box 40599, Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 ISSN 1916-8403
columns
Cover: iStockphoto (base image)
departments
5 PK Podium God is blessing PK Canada
8-12 Pulse Curious events. Interesting people. Good ideas.
6 Help Wanted Onward Christian athletes
13 Reviews 26 Money Matters 21 ways to reduce spending 27 Out of My Depth Run in such a way as to get the prize
28 Power Play Tools. Toys. Technology.
The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada. one – A Promise Keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer,
Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org
30 What Women Want What’s cooking in your bedroom?
SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.
Editorial and Advertising Office 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4
Design: Indigo Ink Studios www.indigoinkstudios.com
and obedience to God's word in the power of the Holy Spirit. two – A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises. three – A Promise Keeper is committed to practising spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.
four – A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection, and biblical values.
six – A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.
five – A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.
seven – A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matt 28:19-20).
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PK Podium
God is blessing PK Canada Changes aplenty, but the work goes on
by Kirk Giles
At the beginning of another year I am reminded of the reality that God is in control of all things. Circumstances often work out as we anticipated, but life does throw plenty of curveballs. One of my favourite songs from 2009 is called All is Well (from Robin Mark’s most recent album). In it he sings: “All my changes come from Him / He who never changes / I’m held firm in the grasp of the Rock of all the ages.” The past year has been filled with many changes in my own life and in the ministry of PK Canada. We have seen that God is in control and holds this ministry firmly in His grasp. With this in mind, I would like to share with you a number of areas to praise God for His work in the ministry and the lives of men: • In January, I was asked to serve as president of PK Canada—starting in April. This is an honour and I am humbled to be entrusted with the leadership of this ministry. I am very grateful for the smooth transition that took place with my predecessor, Ron Hannah. • In May, we were led to revise our vision and mission statements. Our new vision is: “Leave No Man Behind—a movement of men becoming, growing and living as disciples of Jesus Christ.” It’s been exciting to share this vision and the details behind it with people across the nation and to watch the excitement grow for what God has in store for the men of Canada.
• The spiritual fruit from the ministry of PK Canada has never been greater, and the number of men who are connecting with the ministry is growing stronger. I have personally seen and heard some incredible stories of how God is shaping the men of this nation and how He is using PK Canada in that process. • New opportunities for partnerships with others are being developed as we seek to ignite and equip more men to make an impact for the glory of God. Along the way, there have been a few surprises as well. The global economic downturn has impacted our donations— but not the number of men we are reaching. New directions for our sister ministry in the United States have forced us to consider and reaffirm our own calling as a ministry to the men of Canada. These and other challenges are often just part of the reality of life. But even in the midst of these seasons, we praise God and continue to see that He is in control. In the coming weeks, the Olympics will present an opportunity for people to celebrate our nation and for athletes to be rewarded for their hard work. Yet, these moments come and go. As we enter 2010, PK Canada is pressing toward the mark of the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. We are focused on continuing to bring His message of hope to the men of this nation, and to helping men make an impact that will last for eternity. Please join us in praying for God’s purposes to be accomplished in men’s lives throughout the coming year. Kirk Giles is president of Promise Keepers Canada. He and Shannon have been married for 15 years. They are the parents of four children, ages 6–13.
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help wanted
Onward Christian athletes by Rod Wilson
Some Christians in professional sports are very outspoken about their faith, but others keep their faith quiet. Why don’t all athletes use their public platform to talk about Jesus? It is interesting to watch a post-game interview and hear an athlete expressing thanks to Jesus for giving him/her the gifts and the opportunities to play sports. I often wonder how non-religious people respond to this. Do they ignore it? Does it make them mad? Does it heighten their curiousity? Christians, on the other hand, can turn these testimonies into criticisms of other less outspoken athletes. I remember talking to a well-known sports figure who had professed faith in Christ but was struggling because another Christian athlete was critical of him for not being more public about his beliefs. This was hurtful because he felt that his personality, which was more reserved and shy, was being criticized and an assumption was made that personality and spirituality are one in the same. In Scripture we are introduced to people like Joseph, Abraham, Sarah, Daniel, Peter, Andrew, John, Priscilla and Paul. They all sought to follow God’s direction but they expressed it through different styles and personalities. Andrew was a lot quieter than Joseph. Priscilla stayed much more in the background than Paul. Some biblical characters led by being outspoken, others by acting. Daniel had a political platform to speak of his faith, while John was not afforded the same opportunity. One of the frightening and reassuring things about God’s final judgement is that the things that were done in secret will be revealed and acknowledged for what they are. Frightening because hidden sin will no longer be hidden, yet reassuring because good, done in quietness, will be rewarded.
I get cynical when I see football players kneeling to pray at the end of a game. I don’t understand how they can go from being violent toward each other to bowing together in prayer. Does my cynicism make sense? It is odd to see opposing players in a football game hitting each other with tremendous force only to gather on bended knees in prayer together as soon as the game is over. The activity and engagement of the former is quite a contrast to the serenity and contemplation of the latter. Does it warrant cynicism? Cynicism results when we doubt whether someone’s motives and actions are sincere. Often our cynicism is even greater when one behaviour seems to contradict another. This is one of the reasons many people are cynical about athletes who bring their Christian faith into the public realm. It seems inconceivable that a linebacker taking the feet out from under a running back and catapulting him into the air can be someone who is committed to prayer at the end of the game, even prayer with the player that he hit earlier. Why are we suspicious of the motives of athletes? What would motivate someone to pray at the end of the game? Might it be a genuine expression of thanks to God for the gifts and abilities they have been given to play the game? Might it be repentance for inappropriate behaviour during the game? Might it be a way to express Christian solidarity with brothers from the other team? Might it be intercessory prayer for other teammates who do not know Jesus? If we are honest, might it be that our cynicism can be traced to an underlying belief that Jesus is not Lord of all of life and that the so-called secular and sacred should never be linked?
Could you use some help? Don’t shy away from asking. Send your questions to dkoop@christianweek.org.
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 6
My church is in a big debate about whether women can be in leadership or not. I don’t understand why there is a debate. Isn’t the Bible clear on everything? In my experience, most churches embroiled in debates, divisions or debacles are usually dealing with one of the three w’s—wealth, worship, women. Obviously there is nothing inherently wrong with women, worship or wealth, but most of us seem to have strong convictions on all three. The God-breathed, authoritative Word of God, known to us as the Scriptures or the Bible, provides a rich array of literature that teaches us about God and His work in the world. It functions as a mirror in our lives, showing us what we look like, as well as a light, shining on the right path forward. It is written about reallife experiences of saints and sinners, of good churches and bad, and shows us that seeking to live the Christian life in a Christian way is no guarantee that our inner lives will be pain-free or our relational existence without conflict. The more you study the Bible the more you realize that it is not exhaustive on every subject and many topics are imbedded in particular contexts that we do not understand completely. The result is that on some subjects— women in leadership being one of them—there are godly men and women who have different convictions, convictions that are based on careful study and reading of the text. If the words of the Bible were completely clear on everything we would not need the Holy Spirit to be our teacher. We would not need love and grace to help us navigate differences in the Christian community. And we would not need to ask for wisdom that can only come from above.
Rod Wilson is president of Regent College in Vancouver, where he also serves as professor of Counselling and Psychology. He is the author of How Do I Help a Hurting Friend: Practical Help for Leaders and Laypeople (BakerBooks, 2006).
What is Discipleship Training
Unleashed Unleashed
A weekend retreat where you can experience in-depth training to discover how to become a better equipped Godly man. Four different weekend retreats:
1: Biblical Manhood 2: Sexual Purity 3: Better Husbands 4: Better Fathers One on One leadership coaching from experienced and wise men of God. Peer mentoring with other men on the same journey as you are. A smaller more focused event – limited to approximately 50 participants with small groups of up to only 8 – participants build meaningful relationships with each other and with the Promise Keepers Canada leaders.
Do you have a desire to grow deeper in your faith? Do you want to learn more about the key areas of a man’s life? Go to www.promisekeepers.ca or phone toll-free 1-888-901-9700 for information on a weekend retreat taking place near you
pulse
Curiousities. Personalities. Ideas. Information. by Robert White PULSE Editor
WIFE’S ILLNESS A DEFINING MOMENT His wife’s illness became a defining moment in University of Guelph Gryphons men’s volleyball coach Cal Wigston’s move from an athleticsoriented life to a God-oriented one. Wigston, a self-described big kid who could catch and run, was on his way to a stellar high school football career when he injured a knee. After a talk with his high school principal, the 6’ 3” student tried out for the volleyball team. His postsecondary career included a stint at Providence College and Theological Seminary in Otterbourne, Manitoba. Recurring knee problems and surgeries ended volleyball after three years—
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leaving Wigston with questions and doubt. “I put a lot of my sense of self-worth into volleyball,” he says. “It came crashing down after my first knee surgery.” He then began to coach, first with his soon-to-be wife’s team. As a volunteer he coached high school and club volleyball teams while working full-time. In 1998, then-Gryphons head coach Doug Dodd talked to him about varsitylevel coaching. Wigston joined the Gryphons as an assistant starting with the 1999/2000 season. He was hired as head coach, beginning in the 2006/2007 season after Dodd retired.
But not before almost giving up. “I almost quit working here because I wanted the job as the coach and it didn’t appear the coach was leaving. I was going to pack it in, coach my kids’ teams and move on from there,” says Wigston. Having grown up with a Christian heritage, Wigston eventually turned from an athletics-oriented life to a Godoriented one. One spiritually-defining moment came in his last year as an assistant coach, when his wife, Sue, fell seriously ill. “I took time off work, saying I have to take care of my wife” because family is more important than volleyball. “It was like God said, ‘Good, you get it, you’ve
got Me first, you’ve got your family, here’s your volleyball.’ “Any success I have from this job it goes to Him, it’s purely God.” Wigston’s volleyball success includes turning around a 5–15 team in his first year as head coach to winning the first round of the playoffs last season. But his success has led to scrutiny. “It’s difficult to be a Christian in a secular environment,” says Wigston. “I don’t walk around and broadcast that I’m a Christian but people here know I am.” Wigston stays accountable to friends and family. His best friend is only a text away (“he’ll get back to me in minutes”). His wife is as much a part of the team as the players and other coaches. “It’s an absolute comfort to bounce things off her, to ask questions or say, ‘Man did I really screw up here,’” says Wigston. “Keeping accountable to her is absolutely 100 per cent needed for me.”
FAITH IS SURVIVALIST’S GREATEST ADVANTAGE
TRY A “GO FOR THE GUYS SUNDAY” Research shows 85 per cent of people come to the church for the first time because they were personally invited. Guys, however, are often the last to invite a buddy to church because they know, in their gut, church just doesn’t appeal to other guys. David Morrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church, and his Church for Men ministry have a solution: Go for the Guys Sundays. Held once a quarter, everything from the atmosphere to the sermon is delivered with a
masculine accent. The Church for Men website has a free action plan that includes sample announcements, decorating ideas, music guidelines, preaching and teaching ideas and more. After a couple of Sundays, men will look forward to them and use them as a chance to invite their male friends to church. Church for Men helps churches reach more men and boys with guy-friendly books, videos, training, events and a web site. For the Go for the Guys Sunday action plan, check www.churchformen.com/ GoForTheGuysSunday.pdf.
Man vs. Wild star Bear Grylls, who climbed Mount Everest after recovering from a broken back, told inmates in a Florida prison the one survival tool he can’t live without is his faith. Edward Michael Grylls, known as “Bear,” has parachuted from helicopters, eaten snakes, wrapped his urine-soaked T-shirt around his head, drank urine and used a sheep’s corpse as a sleeping bag on his weekly survival tips show, now in its sixth season. Grylls, who loves climbing and adventures, eventually became part of the British Special Air Service, where he served as a trooper, survival instructor and Patrol Medic. While on a 1996 mission in Africa, his parachute canopy ripped at 1,600 feet. Grylls plummeted to the ground, breaking his back in three places. He spent 18 months recovering in a military hospital, not sure if he’d walk again. “Suddenly everything you’ve taken for granted in your life is ripped away from you,” says the British adventurer. “It was a dark road of not knowing whether I’d be able to walk again let alone do this one thing I could do well, which was to climb.” In 1998 he fulfilled a lifelong goal by climbing Mount Everest, the highest mountain in the world, in a journey so dangerous four of the climbers with him died. “I risk a lot to do this stuff, but I’ve been given a really privileged platform where people know the show. I want to do something good with that,” he told roughly 160 inmates during a chapel service. “That’s why I’m here. I want to say this (faith), deep down, is what strengthens me. It helps me in the difficult places.” Grylls says attending an Alpha course several years ago with his wife, Shara,
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gave him a chance to ask some big questions about God and His plan for humanity. “Alpha was a really good excuse to ask these questions,” he said. “It was kind of low-pressure and easy and it was fun.” Grylls says his faith journey remains a rocky road, “full of struggles and doubts and challenges. We make everything so complicated and so theological and so smart and so together and so confusing,” he says. “Actually, all that matters is, I’m holding you by your right hand, and I can do everything with Christ. And that’s, for me, is what holds me a lot on mountains when things are going wrong. ... It’s what holds me when I’m struggling with my faith and doubts.” (www.newmanmag.com)
TEXTING RANKS LOW ON DRIVER DISTRACTIONS In November Ontario became the latest province to ban drivers from using handheld electronic devices while driving. But a poll of 3,000 drivers—men and women—by LeaseTrader.com suggests drivers are being distracted by a lot more than the latest text message. Almost 20 per cent of men think road rage is the highest distraction today. Texting ranked seventh in their top 10. Rounding out the list were: checking out other drivers, passengers, eating/drinking, kids in the car, reading, messing with the radio and driving in or avoiding bad weather. For 26 per cent of women, the biggest distraction was dealing with kids in the car. Texting ranked eighth—lower than the men. Their top 10 list also included: putting on makeup, messing with the radio, navigation, avoiding bad weather, passengers, eating/drinking, reading and in-car videos. “Although texting while driving can be dangerous, these findings show drivers seem to be almost immune to other distractions that have been around for a long time,” says LeaseTrader.com CEO Sergio Stiberman. “People can get so absorbed with their conversations or activities that concentrating on driving gets impaired even without texting.”
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Design Pics
pulse
BOND OR BOURNE—WHO’S THE MANLIEST MOVIE CHARACTER? Who is the “manliest movie character?” According to www.newmanmag.com the top 20 list is filled with soldiers, spies and swashbucklers. 10) Michael Corleone: The Godfather series—Al Pacino plays one of the smartest, toughest, most ruthless characters in film history and he doesn’t even throw a punch. He’s a complete bad guy, but you’ll find yourself rooting for him anyway. 9) Jason Bourne: The Bourne series— Matt Damon plays Bourne, the CIA assassin with amnesia who can still take down illegal intelligence agencies by himself. No matter the situation, you know Bourne will get the job done. 8) Hans Solo: The Star Wars series— Solo is brash, gutsy, smooth and quick, but he also has a heart of gold. He’ll do anything for his friends—and eventually gets a princess to fall for him. 7) Dutch: Predator—You knew Arnold Schwarzenegger had to make the list. Dutch leads the most ridiculously overthe-top soldiers in movie history, and makes them look puny in comparison.
6) Bruce Wayne: Batman Begins and The Dark Knight—In Batman Begins, we learn why and how Wayne becomes the man. In The Dark Knight, we see him take out one of the greatest villains in movie history. 5) James Bond: Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace—Bond has long been one of the manliest characters with his charming ways, gadgets and ability to dodge bullets. Daniel Craig isn’t as smooth or pretty as the others, but he’s a beast, with the body of a wrestler who tackles and chokes bad guys. 4) Indiana Jones: The Indiana Jones series—Definitely Harrison Ford’s manliest role. He’s got the whip, the fedora, the lopsided grin and the ability to escape from any trap. One of the best characters you’ll ever see. 3) William Wallace: Braveheart—Mel Gibson plays the beastly Scottish warrior who’s probably the most awe-inspiring character on this list. Not only does he have a huge sword and the ability to pull off kilts, he stands for ideals as well. 2) John McClane: Die Hard—Nothing beats Die Hard and nobody beats John McClane. If you’re wondering why McClane beat out Wallace, it’s the
scene where he runs over the glass in his bare feet. 1) Maximus Decimus Meridius: Gladiator—Maximus has everything: he’s a leader of men, with principles and ethics, who fights better than anyone else. He’s placed in the lowest possible position, only to rise back to the heights of power simply through his own merits. If you want the whole list, including the best quote and spiritual takeaway, check: http://newmanmag.com/emagazine/101209/story1.php
WHAT PARENTS DO A KEY FACTOR IN TEENS’ SEX LIFE What a parent does—not just says— is a key factor in their teens’ sexual behaviour suggests a new study by the Institute for Marriage and Family Canada (IMFC). Using Statistics Canada data, IMFC researchers found a link between parent behaviours with children and teen decisions about sexual activity eight years later. “Parents will be relieved to know teaching teens about sex doesn’t come down to just ‘the talk.’ It’s about actions and values conveyed over a longer period of time,” says research analyst Peter Jon Mitchell. Some of the top findings include: • Home environments affect teen decisions about sexual activity. • Parental behaviours like drinking and smoking affect future teen sexual activity. • Family structure affects teen sexual activity. • “Sexual activity for teens is fraught with risk,” says Mitchell, “and most parents agree delaying sexual activity is for the better. It’s encouraging to know parents can play a role,
and their teens want them to.” The IMFC recommends: • Parents be the prime sex educator. • Parents create a healthy, stable home with warm, open communication and clear expectations. • Parents model a healthy lifestyle and positive choices. • Sex educators use parents and recognize their role as the primary sex educators. • Sex educators recognize girls face unique risks compared to boys when it comes to early sexual engagement. The study Rated PG—How parental influence impacts teen sexual activity can be found at https://www.imfcanada.org/article_files/IMFC %20OCTOBER_Final.pdf.
LEADER LAPSES Most leaders are at their best when they use the resources they have—and at their worst when trying to come up with new ones, suggests a new study from the Barna Group. The American research group talked to more than 1,700 people with results showing leaders do most poorly at: • Creating agreements with the most benefits at the least cost. • Finding new resources, such as people and money for the organization. • Creating and putting into place plans to mentor new leaders. • Having strong relationships with others that show care for and attention to their needs. The study also found most leaders think they’re doing a better job than they actually are. For example, many think they’re good at using the organization’s vision as a way of making decisions. “Leaders tend to point to their vision as the reason to say ‘yes’ to opportunities,”
says George Barna. “But our research showed there’s much less willingness to use the vision as a reason to say ‘no’ to opportunities not in the best interests of the organization.” Barna also discovered leaders’ attitudes make a big difference in their trajectory. “Potential leaders who have a deep commitment to help other people are likely to grow into effectiveness,” he says. “A potential leader who fails to see leadership as serving, and is more worried about gaining credit than doing what’s right, is in for a long, difficult journey.” Barna used the research and interviews with 30 of America’s top leaders, for his new book Master Leaders. The book provides a “greatest hits” of leadership wisdom from leaders in business, ministry, government, military, education, entertainment and sports. For more on the research and Master Leaders check www.barna.org.
CHURCH GOES TO THE DOGS A Los Angeles church is going to the dogs with a 30-minute canine-centric worship service. The weekly outreach event comes complete with doggie beds, doggie treats and doggie prayers. Covenant Presbyterian Church’s pastor Tom Eggebeen came up with idea three years ago to spark growth among his dwindling congregation. An avid doglover, he believes the Canines at Covenant services meet a need for a largely ignored segment of believers. “The Bible says of God only two things in terms of an ‘is’: that God is light and God is love,” Eggebeen says. “Wherever there’s love, there’s God in some fashion. And when we love a dog and a dog loves us, that’s a part of God and God is a part of that. So we honour that.” According to an Associated Press report, Eggebeen is part of a “growing trend among churches to address the spirituality of pets and the deeply felt bonds owners form with their animals.” Southwestern University religion professor Laura Hobgood-Oster suggests the changing family, where pets become central, have led to the doggy services.
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“Churches are starting to recognize people need various kinds of rituals that include their pets,” says Hobgood-Oster. “More and more people in mainline Christianity consider (pets) to have some kind of soul.” (www.ministrytodaymag.com)
FROM A VAN OF 15 TO TWO FULL BUSES Promise Keepers Canada president Kirk Giles listed three men “allowing Jesus to shape them—to make an impact for all time” at the November 2009 Mississauga conference. One of them, Guelph’s Bobby Clark, says he didn’t even hear his name mentioned. “To be honest with you, when I sat there I didn’t even hear my own name,” says Clark. “I’ve been dealing with pride issues and I want to be a humble servant. I don’t want my name getting in the way of God’s name and His glory. I thought he was talking about someone I didn’t know.” For the past seven years, Clark has been the driving force behind getting groups of men to the conference. The first year Clark took one van filled with 15 guys. The next year it was two vans and 25 guys. Eventually the vans made way for a bus and in mid-November 2009 two buses filled with 112 guys—from 20 churches, three recovery groups and “a bunch of” at-risk street youth—travelled the hour east to get to the conference. Clark’s servant ministry doesn’t stop with the buses. He books hotel rooms, reserves space at a local buffet restaurant, hosts a Friday night after-conference worship at the hotel and coordinates the pizza and sub lunch. Ever the servant, he’s often the last to get a bite to eat or get on the bus. “We’re taking it beyond just the conference,” says Clark. “There’s so much ministry in the buses, the restaurant, the hotel at night in the banquet room. The value of it isn’t only the conference but the fellowship created here for tomorrow, next week, next month.” Clark’s prayer is to see this band of brothers get the “affirmation we all need from God as men and the affirmation of each other as men. God’s created a heart within me that just wants to serve back into the Kingdom.” Seeing the bigger
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Building fellowship: volunteer organizer, Bobby Clark.
picture, Clark wants the men’s experience at Promise Keepers to turn into change in their marriages, families, churches and communities. “I know when I look back on a Sunday or Monday, I see how God knit all this together,” says Clark. “I feel blessed I’ve got these men in my life, men of integrity, men that love me. I’m just awestruck of their willingness to participate in letting go of their lives and finances to a bigger picture of this weekend for themselves.”
THEO FLEURY TALKS HOCKEY, ADDICTION ON TSN Retired NHLer Theo Fleury dropped in on a Toronto homeless shelter in November to record a TSN spot promoting Hockey for the Homeless (HFTH). Fleury, a Stanley Cup and Olympic gold medal champion, is this year’s spokesperson. The “That’s Hockey” taping was recorded at The Salvation Army’s Gateway Shelter in downtown Toronto. The fourminute clip shows Fleury and a shelter resident talking about their hockey and addictions history. “If I didn’t stop drinking, I’d have probably been a homeless guy myself,” says Fleury in the interview. “I wasn’t too
dissimilar to a homeless person. I lost touch with my family and was basically a year or two from being on the street.” The segment aired the same night as HFTH tournaments in Montreal and Toronto. The organization began in 1996 when a group of Toronto businessmen raised money for the homeless through a hockey tournament. Montreal came on board in 2004 and now tournaments are also held in Calgary, Ottawa and Vancouver. HFTH gained a helping hand when the NHLPA Alumni came on board. Local teams often include former NHLers, like Fleury who plays in the Calgary tournament. “They’ve taken the charity golf stuff and turned it into a hockey event,” says Fleury. The first year’s $2,000 goal was easily beaten with the tourney bringing in close to $8,500. Since then, HFTH has raised more than $2 million for the homeless. Fleury gets an added benefit from being part of HFTH. “Every time I do some type service work I’m so far away from my next drink or next drug that is the gift in all of that.” Check http://www.hockeyforthehomeless.com for more information.
reviews
Get intentional BECOMING YOUR SPOUSE’S BETTER HALF: WHY DIFFERENCES MAKE A MARRIAGE GREAT By Rick Johnson “Marriage today seems less binding than a cell phone contract,” writes Rick Johnson, as he blatantly acknowledges the truth that “marriage is tough.” But he believes it’s worth working at, and his most recent book is designed for husbands and wives to read together. Becoming Your Spouse’s Better Half has two sections—one for women and one for men—each with seven chapters. The chapters on women’s moods should help men understand their wives better. And as women read the chapters on men’s modes, theoretically they’ll understand their husbands better. “I encourage you to read this book with the expectation that it will change your marriage and help draw you closer to your spouse,” says Johnson. “The expectations with which we enter into something generally greatly increase the odds of those goals being fulfilled. Your marriage is too important not to believe with all your heart that it can be a loving, dynamic, lifelong experience.”
MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR: NOW IS THE TIME TO WORSHIP By Brian Doerksen Renowned Canadian songwriter, worship leader and recording artist Brian Doerksen is prophetically persuaded that God is calling His followers both to love and to battle in the “ancient war” between God and Satan. This is the Christian calling, and worship is the most
powerful weapon in the war against this Enemy. “I want to spend my live in worship as an act of love and war,” says Doerksen. Some of his worship songs express devotion to the One who redeems us, while others “awaken and strengthen us for the battle.” Each of the book’s 12 chapters highlights one of Doerksen’s songs, providing helpful background that abounds with personal insights and theological reflection. Selected songs include “Now is the Time to Worship,” “Father, I Want You to Hold Me,” “Refiner’s Fire” and “With All My Affection.” Each chapter concludes with a list of songwriting tips. “The more specific you become, the more universal the song becomes,” he says.
PSALMS ALIVE: CONNECTING HEAVEN AND EARTH By David Kitz Ordinary life is full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, tragedies and triumphs. These realities of the human situation are revealed in great measure in the biblical book of Psalms. In these songs and poems we hear “the deepest longings of the human heart” and “find the full range of human experiences.” Ottawa-based actor, minister
and author David Kitz knows that the Psalms are a wonderful place for people of today to connect with the God of the ages. So he’s written Psalms Alive, an interactive book that encourages its readers to read directly from Scripture first. Kitz then provides a dollop of historic and geographic context and highlights key insights from the passage. Each section concludes with a number of suggestions about how to bring life to particular psalms. Kitz is a congenial guide, helping readers embrace the timeless truths of Scripture in practical, life-transforming ways.
ONE GOAL: A PRAYER AND PRAISE JOURNAL By Gerry Organ Gerry Organ was an outstanding player for the “once mighty Ottawa Rough Riders” who won Grey Cup championships in 1973 and 1976. More recently, Gerry served 10 years as executive director of Christian Business Ministries Canada, and currently works with One Way Ministries in Ottawa. In whatever role he serves, Gerry is always keen to see men become more faithful followers of Jesus Christ in every area of their life. The key to this, he believes, is prayer. “Spending time alone in [God’s] presence is paramount to each and every believer regardless of culture, ability or status,” he writes. One Goal contains no long passages. Its short snippets provide some key thoughts about the value and practice of prayer and guidelines for a disciplined life. It is, in the end, a journal for people to use. Those who work with it will find themselves advancing toward the goal of seeking to be holy as God is holy.
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features
LIFESTYLES OF THE FIT AND Olympic chaplains provide a safety net at Athletes’ Village
Olympic Village in Vancouver, on the southeast side of False Creek, during construction in 2008
by Jerrad Peters
Athletes’ Village isn’t your typical metropolis. Sure, the population, cultural diversity and full range of amenities can make the temporary settlement feel like a city within a city. But the comparison ends there. This is a community inhabited primarily by good-looking people. They are fit, trim and between the ages of 18 and 30. They are at their physical peaks. And like most young people, they’re looking for a good time. Table tennis player Matthew Syed represented Great Britain in two Olympic Games. He believes that an “unnatural level of self-discipline,” coupled with higher levels of testosterone among athletes combine to create an “explosive sexual cocktail.” The distribution of tens of thousands of free condoms within Athletes’ Villages would seem to back this up. At the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney, organizers had to top up their initial order of 70,000 condoms by an additional 20,000. There were just over 10,000 athletes in the Village. Do the math.
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“I don’t think this is any different from many other situations where young, fit 18 to 30-year-olds are thrown together,” says John Boyers, a chaplain who will be serving at the 2010 Games in Vancouver. “I don’t think it’s particularly different from the morality at any western university, for example. Young athletes may not share my personal morality, but theirs is not really all that different from the morality of many under30s.” An ordained minister and chaplain to English soccer heavyweights Manchester United, Boyer has served as a chaplain at three Commonwealth Games and the 2004 Olympics in Athens. While conceding that some athletes tend to “let their hair down” after their competitions have ended, he believes it’s unfair to pigeonhole the bunch of them into one debaucherous category. “People are all different and do behave differently,” he says. “But I think it would be wrong to create the impression that everyone is at a Games event for drink and sex. They are there to achieve in their particular sport.” Sporting and spiritual bests Helping athletes achieve sporting and spiritual bests is foremost among an Olympic chaplain’s long list of duties. And as Boyer points out, it’s sensitive work. They’re not there to stop the party. If anything, the chaplaincy is as much a part of the Village community as anything else. Nevertheless, chaplaincy personnel have defined parameters of what they can and cannot do in the Village. Previous Games organizers, for example, have attempted to confine the chaplains to a Religious Services Centre, lest they start proselytizing in public. It’s a concern that Boyer is quick to dissuade.
THE FAST “Chaplains aren’t in-your-face evangelists,” he says. “We don’t impose our faith on those who don’t wish to know. We provide spiritual and pastoral support. But if people do ask us questions about God, faith and how we see issues of belief, we should have the freedom to respond.” It’s not just the athletes who will benefit from an active and outgoing chaplaincy service during the Olympics. Chaplains will be working in stadiums and outdoor venues as well, liaising with the people overseeing the events. Should a major problem occur—such as a spectator suffering a heart attack—a chaplain should be able to be located quickly. Boyer likens the role of sports chaplains to that of a safety net under a trapeze artist. “If he doesn’t fall, it’s no problem. But things are in place if they are needed. Chaplaincy is a pastoral and spiritual safety net,” he says. Safety net David Wells has been busily installing that safety net ahead of the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics on February 12. In charge of a staff exceeding 40 volunteers, he is the coordinator of the Religious Services Centres in Vancouver and Whistler. It will be his third Olympics, after serving in Athlens, Salt Lake City and Turin. He says the presence of the Christian chaplains will be noticeable to athletes as soon as they get settled in the Village. “The organizing committee makes it well known that there is a multi-faith centre available and that religious services are provided for the five major faith groups (Christian, Islamic, Jewish,
Hindu and Buddhist),” he says, adding that VANOC—the Vancouver Organizing Committee—has been extremely helpful in facilitating the work of the Religious Services Centres. Upon arriving in the Village, athletes will be given an information package that includes instructions on how to find their accommodations, restaurant facilities, particular shops and the available chaplaincy services. Bible study schedules will be distributed, inviting athletes to the daily 7 pm gatherings. Mass will be offered every morning at 8 am. Many of these services will be provided out of the Religious Services Centre, says Wells. But the majority of his work as a chaplain will come in the form of spontaneous one-on-one encounters. Wells, who is also the general superintendent of the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada, cites one occasion at the 2006 Games in Turin when he was approached randomly by a young woman from the U.S. bobsled team. She had been injured in Calgary while training before the Olympics and had accompanied her teammates to Italy, even though she would be unable to compete. Her disappointment built after arriving at the Athletes’ Village in Sestriere, says Wells, and came to a head after some of her teammates were alleged to have taken banned substances. Disillusioned, she dropped in to the Religious Services Centre and met with Wells. “It led to a very meaningful and spontaneous interaction,” he says. “There was a real sense of connection— like it meant something to her.”
Unique position Chaplains, says Boyer, are in the unique position of being trusted for counsel, while at the same time unaffiliated with the athlete’s coaches and close inner circle. “I think chaplains sometimes offer that absolutely neutral sounding-board that the athlete sometimes doesn’t have,” he says. “Some of these thoughts an athlete can’t easily share with the coach, who may think the athlete’s mind is not right, is weak or not focused.” Such interactions will make up the bulk of the work for Boyer, Wells and their colleagues in the Athletes’ Villages of Vancouver and Whistler. While they will be offering formal worship services, liturgies and prayers, they will leave their most significant marks by helping athletes settle their nerves, conquer disappointment and overcome homesickness. As for the athletes who are just as concerned with partying as competing, Wells says his focus will be directed first and foremost to the Christian athletes who wish to uphold a Christian lifestyle during the Games. “What I’ve observed is Christian athletes who are very committed to their faith will still go into a cocoon and you’ll hardly see them until after they’ve competed. They’re pretty intense. They’re not looking to party hardy,” he says. “Now, there are always exceptions. Who you are 52 weeks of the year is still going to come through.” Jerrad Peters is the managing editor of ChristianWeek, a biweekly newspaper covering Christian faith and life in Canada.
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WHERE PIMPS PROSPER by Frank Stirk
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Last June, the RCMP alerted parents in North Vancouver that girls as young as 16 were being coerced into taking out ads on Craigslist as prostitutes. Their pimps—often men in their early 20s who had known these girls in high school—would lure them into a dating relationship and give them “gifts.” But then they turned on them, saying those weren’t actually gifts, that the girls now owed them money, and that they’d have to work to pay them off or risk getting hurt. As Vancouver gears up for the 2010 Winter Olympics in February, there’s widespread concern that the influx of as many as 500,000 men from all over the world will cause a huge spike in the demand for paid sex—and that there are organized global traffickers in women and children who will try to meet that demand. But what this warning shows is that sex slavery is not a problem that will arrive with the Olympics—it’s already here. “We already know the demand is here and that the prospects for the Games don’t look good,” says Michelle Miller, executive director of Resist Exploitation, Embrace Dignity (REED), one of several Christian groups that have taken the lead this past year in combating this modern-day, multibillion dollar scourge.
Photo courtesy of REED Frank Stirk photo
REED is selling T-shirts emblazoned with the slogan “Buying sex is not a sport” in the run-up to the 2010 Olympic Games in Vancouver.
Benjamin Perrin speaks on behalf of REED at a November press conference unveiling their campaign.
REED’s campaign, called Buying Sex is Not a Sport, includes speaking at public forums and the sale of T-shirts and buttons. It was meant to just raise local awareness, but that’s not what happened. “It has actually gone viral,” Miller says. “We’ve had people ordering T-shirts and materials from all across the country.” The Salvation Army’s anti-trafficking media campaign, The Truth isn’t Sexy, caused some sex-trade workers to complain that its graphic images unfairly tarred them with same brush. “We convinced them,” says Major Brian Venables, “that the campaign wasn’t about those who want to do this, it’s about those who don’t have a choice.”
But despite the best efforts of many to educate the public about the appalling reality of human trafficking, Daniel Hahn, coordinator of the Office of Service and Justice with the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver, worries that it “still hasn’t sunk in how important this is.” “From information I’ve received recently, the trend is toward something called a ‘micro-brothel,’ such as a townhouse or an apartment owned by someone’s who’s prostituting women,” Hahn says. “So we’re certainly seeing an increase for potential demand.” UBC law professor Benjamin Perrin also accuses the federal government of dropping the ball, especially compared to what organizers of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, England, have done. “Years ago, they appointed an assistant police commissioner to look after the concern about human trafficking,” he says. “We never did that.” But an even bigger contributing factor to the problem might well be a lot closer to home. Aaron White, a Salvation Army officer who lives and serves in Vancouver’s notorious Downtown Eastside, says most men get angry when they hear about how these females are being abused—and so
they should. But anger is “riding in on your white charger and saving the weak. And that’s not where the evil is located,” he says. It’s also not enough for men to recognize their own complicity whenever they look at porn, go to a strip club or chat on a phone sex line. White believes what is really needed is for men to take a stand and demand an end to violence against women. “That’s a difficult place for men to go to,” he says. “Because all of a sudden, you’re not just pointing out the bad guy who you want to punch in the jaw, and you’re not pointing to yourself and saying you’re not perfect. Now you have to look at a world in which you have received enormous amounts of power and privilege—and calling out, ‘That’s not okay, even though I’ve benefitted from it.’ “This isn’t just an issue of lust and sex. This is an issue of power and greed and privilege. And we need to be as men protecting the women and children.”
Frank Stirk lives in North Vancouver and serves as the B.C. regional correspondent for ChristianWeek. seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 17
THE CANADIAN PRESS/Larry MacDougal
features
For Canadian Olympic hockey star Shane Doan, summer 2009 served up a season discontent. The nightmare started on May 5, 2009 when a wealthy Canadian businessman with a Harvard MBA, James Laurence (Jim) Balsillie made a formal offer of $212.5 million to purchase the Phoenix Coyotes, the National Hockey League team where Doan has played since 1996. The Coyotes were bankrupt. The team had lost $389 million between 2004 and 2008 and owner Jerry Moyes could not take the financial beating any longer. From that moment on, the Coyotes became the laughing stock of the NHL. As daily court filings revealed, the team had been a pecuniary disaster. From the moment the franchise moved from Winnipeg to the Arizona desert in 1996, it lost money. It also went through three ownership groups and nearly cost one of its original partners, a New York re-insurer named Steven Gluckstern, all of his personal wealth. Every day, for five months, the news seemed to get worse. As the facts and insinuations became interwoven, there were new truths and rumours every day. Would the team be sold? Would the team move to Canada? Would it stay in the desert? Lifetime of faith For Doan, however, the daily gossip wasn’t as difficult to handle as the open, international criticism of the franchise. After all, Doan happens to be the captain of the Coyotes, and his own personal
nightmare forced him to dig deep into a lifetime of faith in Jesus Christ. Doan, who was originally drafted seventh overall by the Winnipeg Jets in 1995, found the constant criticism of the only NHL club he’s ever played with to be embarrassing and hurtful. “It just wasn’t right,” he says, still sounding emotional about the ordeal. “It was very, very disappointing to see the people I’d worked with and worked for, people who had been very good to me and my family, being called worthless—that the franchise was being referred to as worthless. I took it all personally. I was the captain. I felt like this was my team and those were my friends and I knew that we were better. “If only we’d been able to win,” he adds. “If you win in this community you’ll do great. But we hadn’t won in seven years. If you lose that long in the United States, I don’t care where you are, fans are going to turn away. If we ever start winning here, look out.” Interesting study Now 33, he grew up in Halkirk, Alberta, where his grandfather and father operated Circle Square Ranch, a child and youth ministry that is part of the Crossroads Family of Ministries. This background formed and strengthened Doan’s faith, and there was never a time when he lost or gave up his personal relationship with the Lord. Not in any sense of the word. In fact, almost from the day he was born, Doan was immersed in Bible study,
and he’ll be the first to say that there hasn’t been a moment in his life when the lessons learned living with Circle Square haven’t been a source of guidance and inspiration. “Circle Square is a huge part of my life,” Doan says. “My dad was a carpenter by trade and he and my grandfather built almost all the buildings on the ranch. From the time I was six months old, I was a part of the ranch. I grew up attending the campfires every week, sitting around and listening to some of the most compelling Christian speakers and ministers in the world. It was my life and my family is still there, 33 years later.” Doan acknowledges that meeting with fellow believers for worship has its challenges during the rigours of an NHL season. Still, he attends church regularly with his family, although he’s forced to fly solo when travelling. “Today our family [wife Andrea and four young children] worships at two places in the Phoenix area, both Scottsdale Bible Church and at McDowell Mountain Community Church. “On the road, it’s a lot tougher. That’s when you have to get the job done yourself. With my history, I’m pretty vigilant when it comes to worship,” he says.
“Nothing in my life compares to the experience I had playing for Canada at the 2006 Olympics”
FAITH OVERCOMES SUMMER OF
DISCONTENT Shane Doan puts high value on Olympic involvement by Scott Taylor
Vicious attack The days and nights spent listening and participating at Circle Square were helpful to him during the Coyotes controversy this summer. But they were extremely important to him three years ago when a representative of the Canadian government viciously and unfairly attacked him. The 6-foot-1, 228 pound Doan has long been one of the most important members of Canada’s national team. He might live and work in Phoenix, Arizona, but whenever Hockey Canada comes calling, Doan is the first player on the airplane. He helped Canada win gold at the 2003 World Championships and silver in 2005, but after he was selected to play for Canada at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy, Liberal MP Denis Coderre wrote a letter to Hockey Canada president Bob Nicholson demanding Doan be removed from the team. Coderre alleged that Doan had made a slur against Francophone officials after a game in December 2005. Doan and his Coyotes teammates maintain that their captain, showing sympathy for his goaltender Curtis Joseph after a loss to the Montreal Canadiens, said, “Cujo, four French referees in Montreal, what did you expect?” Linesman Michel Cormier, however, claimed that Doan had said, “F---ing French. You did a great job.” No one but Cormier, and later Coderre, believed for one second that Doan swore at all, let alone directed a slur at Francophones. But that didn’t appease the Liberal member from the Montreal-
North riding of Bourassa. Nevertheless, Hockey Canada ignored Coderre’s request to remove Doan, and in 2007, the national team’s coaches and executives named him captain of the World Championship team. This incensed Coderre and the Bloc Quebecois, who demanded that Hockey Canada officials appear before an Official Languages parliamentary committee to explain their position. Bob Nicholson appeared before the committee and defended Doan, calling him an outstanding human being, a great captain and, just as an aside, a guy who was cleared of all charges off making any kind of slur by the National Hockey League. For good measure, Doan went out and fired a hat trick in a win over Belarus in the opening game of the 2007 World Championships. In the following weeks he led Canada to gold and received a phone call of support from Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Picture of grace Although many media outlets in Ontario and Quebec sided with Coderre, Harper said that Doan deserved the nation’s thanks for “maintaining a picture of grace while pulling our team together.” It was much more difficult for Doan, however. “The whole thing was just wrong,” said Doan, who still has a defamation lawsuit against Coderre working its way through the courts. “Obviously the entire ordeal was difficult. When you spend your life
always trying to do what’s right, it was and still is, very difficult to deal with. “I often found myself recalling Romans 8:28,” he says: “‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose,’ although I must admit that I still often don’t see the good that has come from that. I did nothing and my own government attacked me. I’ll admit, it’s hard to see the good.” Still, despite Coderre and the Bloc Quebecois, if Doan were asked to suit up for Team Canada at the 2010 Vancouver Games, he’d once again be the first player to arrive at practice. “Nothing in my life compares to the experience I had playing for Canada at the 2006 Olympics,” says Doan, who has 263 goals and 374 assists in 984 (at press time) National Hockey League games. “The Olympics are just so huge and they’re also so unique. I was so proud to be on the 2006 team; I’d give anything to be asked again. This might sound cheesy, but I believe the Olympic Games are important part of civilization, maybe the most important thing we do on Earth. To be part of that,it doesn’t matter what some government official might think.”
Scott Taylor is a Winnipeg-based sports reporter, columnist and broadcaster.
Phoenix Coyotes' Shane Doan skates during the men's NHL Olympic hockey orientation camp in Calgary on Tuesday August 25, 2009. seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 19
features
OLYMPIC
But seven years later, David Bentall is happy to be on the right path
CREDIT: Scott Murray / SJM Studios : http://web.mac.com/sjmstudios
by Doug Koop
DIES
DREAM
Alison and David Bentall.
David Bentall had it all figured out. Seven years ago, at the ripe old age of 48, he was poised to become CEO of the Vancouver 2010 Olympics. Once the games were over, he could move gracefully into retirement. Badda boom, badda bing. Big job. Great expectations. Major achievement. Done deal. But hold that plan. Although Bentall came tantalizingly close to realizing his dream, he was hugely disappointed to be passed over in the final selection. “I thought, mistakenly, that my dream to retire at 55 in 2010 would culminate with this calling. But God had other plans. Looking back I’ve seen that it’s been for the best for me. God went ahead of me,” he says. Bentall grew up in a prominent Vancouver family and spent most of his career in the construction industry. He was president of Dominion Construction
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 20
David Bentall at the Canadian waterski championships in August 2009.
when Arthur Griffiths, a young entrepreneur whose family owned the Vancouver Canucks, described his vision for a “privately funded downtown arena”—a rarity in the world of sports venues. That led to the development of General Motors Place, which opened in 1995 and remains a “signature project” highlighted on the company’s web site. In the process, Bentall gained a friend. “As I got to know him and had a chance to build General Motors Place, we became friends and I saw him as a visionary who could make things happen.” A few years later Griffiths called to ask for help preparing a bid for Vancouver to compete against Calgary and Quebec to bring the 2010 Olympics to Canada. “I was no longer with the family company and the timing was perfect. I knew Griffiths was someone who could make things happen. He asked me to be
involved in venue planning, which means determining where various events should be held.” Bentall developed preliminary conceptual plans and estimates for each. “After 20 years in real estate and construction, this was up my alley,” he says. “It was a great deal of fun.” Initially, Bentall didn’t think Vancouver had much of a chance to secure the bid, “but along the way, up at Whistler, I became convinced we could win because one of our colleagues on the bid committee remarked that we were the most likely to get IOC approval. We had the most winnable bid. Vancouver is one of most livable cities in the world, and Whistler one of the most skiable places.” So Bentall volunteered his time and travelled extensively, promoting the city’s bid to sport organizations across Canada. He was with then B.C. premier Glen Clarke and Olympians Silken
Laumen and Steve Podborski in the official presentation to Canadian Olympic Association (COA). “I was thrilled when we won the domestic phase of the bid. That was seven years go.” But once the bid was won, the board of directors of the COA and the bid committee in Vancouver formed a new board to elect a CEO to lead the international bid. This was a public process with about 100 applicants. “I was one of the final five,” recalls Bentall, who was deeply disappointed when they chose someone else. At this point the last thing he wanted was to be a spectator. But his wife, Alison, helped him gain perspective. “She said: ‘Did you want us to win the bid?’ Of course, I answered yes. ‘Did you want Vancouver to host the games?’ she asked. Yes. ‘Then be happy.’” These days Bentall has no problem being thankful for the path he’s on. The run-up to the Olympics “was a great season in my life, but God had other plans for the rest of it,” he says. These days he maintains a full schedule as an advisor to family businesses, a life coach, a teacher and writer. And he’s kept active at other pursuits, accomplishing goals he couldn’t have considered if he’d been CEO of Vancouver 2010. “Over last seven years I wrote my first book and pursued my water skiing aggressively.” Indeed, last summer he finally achieved his longstanding ambition to become a champion skier, winning at the B.C., western and national finals, where he set a new Canadian record for his life stage.
Doug Koop is editorial director of ChristianWeek and managing editor of SEVEN.
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 21
features
SNOWBOARDER TRANSFORMED by Todd Lewys
He’s only 28 years old, but Andy Finch has been through a lot. At 12 years of age—after skiing for several years under the tutelage of his father—he was smitten by the extreme sport of snowboarding. By 2004—at the age of 23—he had won two U.S. Grand Prix Halfpipe titles in his chosen sport. Finch was an athlete who enjoyed a world of talent, but was largely floating through life in a hedonistic fog. It was then that his life began to, most appropriately, change in a radical manner. “I was raised in a Christian home, but I guess everyone has to learn for themselves,” says the Fresno, California, native. “Once I was on my own doing what I loved to do and doing well, I enjoyed a lot of freedom. There were a lot of bad influences in the snow. Everything came to a head when I was 23, 24 years old.” More precisely, Finch knew it was time to clean up his act. “To put it bluntly,
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 22
the fear of the Lord came over me. What I was doing—the partying, and in particular sexual promiscuity, was eating away at me,” he recalls. “Suddenly, I had a sense of conviction that I was doing things I shouldn’t be doing. At one point, I let down my guard and moved in with a girl, something I said I’d never do. At that point, I knew I had to walk away.” That was when the muscular Californian pressed in to a God he’d left on the sidelines for more years than he cared to admit. “I just prayed for strength to quit doing those things. I started reading the Bible, and realized the consequences of my actions. I was living in sin. It was then that I realized that God had been walking with me the whole time,” Finch says. “When it came time to turn my life around, He was there.” As anyone who invites Christ into their life knows, with that invitation comes a life unlike that which they lived before. Which is to say, life becomes a very challenging series of events, both good and bad.
Good events About a year after making a full and unreserved commitment to Christ, one of those good events happened. “That’s when I met my wife Amber,” he says. “That’s where I see that God really blessed my decision. Even at that point, I was still weak. Amber really helped straighten me out. The hand of God was pointing directly to her, showing me that she was the one for me. Marrying her was one of the best decisions I’ve every made. What a blessing she’s been.” Next came the start of Finch’s believeit-or-not Christian life: the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy, where he was a member of the U.S. Snowboarding team. Despite having to watch teammates Shaun White and Danny Kass take gold and silver medals in the halfpipe event and finishing a disappointing 12th, he himself remains philosophical about how thing turned out. “It was a great experience,” he says, no hint of bitterness in his voice. “I might not of handled the disappointment as well if I didn’t have my faith.”
Andy Finch tired of floating through life in a hedonistic fog. Then things got interesting.
Andy Finch works a half-pipe at the end of the 2008 snowboarding season.
Tested to the limits Then, during the first year of Finch’s marriage to Amber, his faith was tested to its limits: his father was involved in a high-speed police chase, opened fire on the officers and was critically injured by a gunshot to the head. The incident wasn’t a total shock, he admits. “He had been in a downward spiral for some time with his mind. We could see it, but to him, nothing was wrong. It was a tough situation; one I knew would end up in the hands of the police. It turns out he was suffering from both post-traumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder.” Competing in Europe, Finch rushed back to the U.S., enduring 36 hours of travel along the way. Upon returning home, he learned his dad had been shot seven times and was paralyzed after taking several bullets in the neck. “That’s when God really met me,” he says. “On the way back, I had total peace of mind and knew things were going to work out. I felt in my spirit that I would see him alive when I got there.”
Finch is still close to his father, who he says has a strong faith in God. Still, he didn’t mince words when he first spoke to his dad, who had always been his best friend. “I told him what he did was wrong, but that I still loved him,” he says.
“We’re optimistic. He has no criminal record and served his country in Vietnam, hence the post-traumatic stress disorder. Our lawyers have made a deal with the district attorney. There’s not going to be a trial, and charges have been reduced to assault with a firearm,” Finch explains,
“I smoked half the New Testament, but then . . .” Bill was in prison, needing a smoke. He’d run out of rolling paper, so he picked up a nearby Gideon New Testament, tore out the first page of The Gospel According to Matthew, sprinkled on some tobacco, rolled a cigarette, and lit up. Over the next few months, Bill smoked through the gospels up to chapter three of the Gospel of John, which he read instead. And believed. He now studies what he used to smoke.
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seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 23
SNOWBOARDER TRANSFORMED
2010 Winter Olympics As he prepares for the 2010 Winter Olympic trials, Finch finds himself at the crossroads, but a good sort of crossroads: he’s now one of the older shredders looking to make the team, while coming off reconstructive surgery to his right shoulder. Not to mention promoting his film, One Year. Of all things, he’s now considered a veteran— and a filmmaker. “Yeah, I’m considered one of the old dogs, and the 2010 Olympics could be my last shot. I’m just going to give the trials my best shot and leave the rest up to the Lord. After that, I want to do more filming, maybe go back to my roots in Fresno.” He admits that these days, as much as he still enjoys showing the young guys how to do it on the slopes, it’s filmmaking that’s captured his heart. “We made One Year to show people what our lives are all about. It’s really an outreach project, as we want to share our faith and give kids that option,” Finch says. “It’s a platform we can use to get kids thinking about God; our goal is to reach kids who haven’t heard the gospel before. If one kid gives his life to Christ, it will have been worthwhile.” While some kids have walked out of showings—not having expected to see their hero spout “religious” content—he remains intent on doing what he can to bring the gospel to the snowboarding crowd. Things are slowly turning around, he says. “More guys are now reaching for the strength the Lord has to offer,” says Finch. “At first, it was tough. There weren’t really any Christian snowboarders other than myself. Am I an example to others? I guess so, but I just see myself as a stepping-stone. All the glory goes to God. Still, I have to be so careful to work hard to walk God’s line, because I’m being watched. All I want people to understand is this: we’re all sinners, but thanks to the grace of God, we’re forgiven. God has transformed my life, and He can transform anyone’s.” Todd Lewys is a veteran sports writer and fitness enthusiast. seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 24
Photo: Eric Asistin
adding his dad has made an amazing recovery. “We’ll just have to see what the judge will do, and to see what good God will bring out of it. I’m proud of him. He’s not bitter, and trusts the Lord that things will work out.”
Andy Finch: “God has transformed my life, and He can transform anyone’s.”
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man talk
Someone wanted me alive What’s that in the road? A head?
by Jack Popjes
It happened too fast to fully understand. My reaction was instinctive and instantaneous—and it saved my life. For several months during the year between completing high school and starting Bible school, I worked as a pick and shovel man. I dug up water and sewage lines, except on those days when I “lucked out” with a plugged sewage line. Then I left my shovel on the truck, donned a pair of rubber boots, pried the cover off a sewage manhole with my pick, and had the privilege of clambering down into its odiferous depths to clear the pipes of material that should never have been flushed down a toilet. It was almost quitting time that fateful day when I finally cleared up the stinking mess and my partner let down the end of a fireman’s hose. I flushed the pipes, making sure everything was moving readily downstream, then sprayed some water on my boots to rid them of at least some of the stench, and hollered up to my partner to shut off the water. I climbed up the steel U-shaped rungs and poked my head out of the manhole in the middle of a city street. Thankfully taking a deep breath of fresh air, I squinted as the sunlight glared off a massive chrome bumper on a car speeding towards me. “Another punk!” I thought, “just trying to scare me again.” As I climbed up another step, I suddenly realized this car was coming too fast. It was too close to swerve aside! The left front wheel was heading directly for me! I reacted instinctively, let go of the rungs, and dropped. I heard a crash, felt a knock on my head, and landed awkwardly on the wet floor of the manhole 10 feet below. I groped for my aluminum hard hat and examined it, half expecting to see a dent or the black mark of a tire tread. I climbed painfully back up and cautiously stuck my head out again. There was nothing to see, no barricade, no tools, no pails. I turned the other way and saw a car slewed sideways in the
road, the driver shakily climbing out, staring at me white-faced and open mouthed. Splintered barricades, dented pails and miscellaneous tools were scattered everywhere. As I climbed out of the manhole the driver rushed up to me shouting, “You’re not dead? I thought I had killed you! I was blinded by the sun when suddenly, there was this head! Right in the road! I felt this crashing bump, and thought for sure I had killed you.” My partner ran up to us spouting more information. “I looked up when I heard a car coming! All I saw was your head right in front of his wheel! Then the crash and stuff went flying everywhere. I was too scared to look down the manhole. I expected to see blood and a headless corpse.” A decapitated cadaver is exactly what he would have seen if I had stuck my head out a few seconds later. The same if I had come out a few seconds earlier and been too far out of the hole to drop back down to safety. It only took a split second to get this whack on the head, but the lesson learned stayed with me for life. Someone out there wants me dead, but Someone Else wants me alive, and He is ultimately in control.
Why am I alive? After the manhole incident, I remember asking myself, “What does God want me to do with my life? What did He preserve me for?” For starters, I confirmed my decision to go to Bible school. That began a chain reaction of other choices and decisions: marriage, pastoral ministry, then a move to Brazil culminating in the completion of a Bible translation project for the Canela people, followed by a missions leadership ministry, and now service as a public speaker, writer and author. I took the hit on the head as proof that God had something major for me to do. He did. And He reconfirmed that fact periodically throughout my life. I can list at least eight other occasions when—not through my own carelessness or fault— I was in extreme danger, but escaped death. Each time it happens I remember what David Livingstone wrote, “I am immortal till my work is accomplished.” I take each escape as God saying, “Jack, I still have something for you to do.” Let’s see, the last narrow escape was just before I published my first book. The third book is coming out next year. Hmm? … I wonder what’s next?
Jack Popjes is a former executive director of Wycliffe Canada. He describes himself as a speaker, writer and linguist/translator. He and Jo now live in a cabin on the shore of Sandy Lake, a 45-minute drive north west of Edmonton, Alberta. Check out his web site: www.thewordman.ca
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money matters
21 ways to reduce spending It’s possible to live within your means by John Land
1. Clean out the credit cards. You need just one credit card. Make it a no-fee low-interest card and do not carry it in your wallet. 2. Don’t get friendly with ATMs. If you use a debit card for cash withdrawals, make just one withdrawal weekly. Avoiding two extra withdrawals each week could save $100 per year. 3. Cut the coffee. We pay on average $1.50 per brewed coffee, and drink two cups each day from vendors. With 260 weekdays per year that’s $780 annually. Drink only one cup of coffee daily and save almost $400 per year. Or eliminate it entirely. 4. Not to mention lattes. These fashionable coffees cost $2 more per cup than regular coffee. Switch back to normal java each day and save $500 per year. 5. Stop burning money. The health argument against smoking is overwhelming. So is the economic argument: At nearly $10 per pack, pack-a-day smokers burn almost $4,000 annually. 6. Dry up. For most people, alcohol in moderation is okay. But drinking two beers daily costs between $3,000 and $4,000 annually and is not good for your health. 7. Take it from the tap. Bottled water is an expensive fad. Drinking from the faucet puts hundreds of dollars annually in your pocket and puts less strain on the environment by eliminating the plastic bottles. 8. Trim the nails. Pamper yourself with a manicure now and then, but remember that a weekly session takes about $1,000 from your pocket over a year’s time. 9. Come clean with your car. Washing your car is good exercise and, at $7.99 for a commercial car wash each week, saves over $400 annually.
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 26
As Christians, we choose paths between two extremes. We acknowledge the virtues of a simple life built upon our actions and values rather than our possessions and power. But we also recognize the beauty and largesse God provides for us. We seek to enjoy these good things and share the joy with family and friends. Thus, we need live neither meagerly nor extravagantly, but comfortably within our means. It is not only possible to enjoy maximum pleasure from the rewards of our labour and ambition while spending minimal amounts of money to achieve them— it is essential. So do not consider these suggestions as a reduction in joy and comfort for you and your loved ones. Think of them as a means of improving both, with the added bonus of building financial security and freedom from the stress that comes from overpowering debt.
10. Brown bags are in. Bringing lunch from home instead of eating out on workdays could save $25 weekly or about $1,250 each year. 11. Invalidate vending machines. At $2 per snack and a snack per day, vending machines swallow $500 per year. 12. Don’t join the club. Many club memberships, such as exercise gyms, are rarely used. At $35-40 monthly, this can drain $500 from your pocket each year. Take long walks instead. 13. Avoid talking so much. Cell phones are fun and convenient, but does every member of the family need one? Each cell phone contract drains perhaps $500 annually from your income. 14. Look at what’s not watched. Many cable and satellite TV viewers pay for channels they rarely watch. If you have some, cancel them. At $5 per month, that’s a $60 per year saving for each cancelled service. 15. Stay in season. Watermelons in February and peaches in October are available thanks to air transport from south of the equator. They are also expensive and lack top flavour and nutrition. Follow the 100-mile/160 kilometre rule: choose fruits and vegetables grown within 100 miles/160 kilometres of your home. 16. Never leave without a list. Prepare a shopping list before visiting the supermarket and restrict your purchases to items you need. 17. Empty the basement, attic and garage. Most of us have items in the basement, attic or garage we never use. Hold a garage sale and apply the
earnings to your debt, reducing interest. Donate unsold items to your church charity drives. 18. Begin to barter. Talk to family and neighbours about performing services such as babysitting for each other. 19. Create the gifts you give. Instead of purchasing store items for Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries, offer homemade gifts such as muffins, cookies, fudge, knitting, needlework and woodcrafts. They are unique, much appreciated (especially by older folks) and less expensive. 20. Have a pantry week. This can be fun and save a week’s grocery expenses. For seven days eat only what is already in your pantry and freezer. With children, pretend you are all stranded on a desert island. It’s all right to have peanut butter and jam sandwiches for dinner. 21. Where’s the beef? Eating less red meat is not only healthier, but also more economical. Beef cuts represent one of the most expensive grocery items we buy. Look for in-season vegetable substitutes such as eggplant, squash, etc. Gather vegetarian recipes off the Internet to keep your appetite perked up. John Land, BA, works in Member Care with FaithLife Financial.
Out of my depth
You’re a wimp Christian Talent won’t translate into success without working at it
by Mark Buchanan
Run in such a way as to get the prize. That was the Apostle Paul’s admonition. Rumour has it Paul was bony and rickety, all knees and elbows, a scarecrow of a man. And all those beatings with rods and whips couldn’t have done much for his physique. Paul was no athlete. If he ran at all—maybe hightailing it from a rock-hurling mob of incensed idolworshippers—I picture him moving along in a hobbling gait, jerking and bobbing, like Forrest Gump in leg braces. But the man understood the power of discipline. To do a thing well, you had to work hard at it—push yourself, deny yourself, weary yourself in the trying. The line between mediocrity and excellence only half depends on what you’re handed: strength, agility, intelligence, stature and the like. The other half rides on what you do with it. Paul understood that. No athlete ever gets to the arena without a long apprenticeship elsewhere. I think of what Kyle Hamilton, captain of Team Canada’s men’s eight rowing crew, said after his team won gold at the 2008 summer Olympics in Beijing. “Gold medals,” he said, “are handed out in summer, but won in winter.” It was the hard work in the lonely hours—in the cold and the dark, the wind and the rain, with no crowds anywhere—that won the prize. Run in such a way as to get the prize. Paul means this, and other athletic references, as a metaphor for spiritual discipline. We all know that no
giftedness—musical, athletic, intellectual—is of much use in and of itself. Unless these things are submitted to a regimen of discipline, they add up to nothing. Malcolm Gladwell’s latest book, Outliers, documents that truth extensively and conclusively: the greatest natural capacity in the world, he shows over and over, only translates into lasting success if you work at it. Paul’s logic is simple: what is true in the physical is also true in the spiritual. What applies to the athlete equally applies to the disciple. The most magnificent body will turn flabby and stiff without regular exercise and good diet, and the deepest soul will turn flabby and stiff without a similar set of spiritual disciplines. I wonder how many potential Olympians will be only watching the Games, not participating in them, not for lack of natural endowment, but for lack of discipline. They never ran in such a way as to get the prize. And I wonder how many real saints are only watching the Kingdom of God, not taking hold of it, because of a similar lack of discipline. Men, run in such a way as to get the prize. God has given you a body, and He means for you to develop it. But above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Above all else, nurture that part of you that is eternal. Tend that part that communes with God. Train that part that affects everything else. I talked once with a pastor who had a karate expert in his church. The man could tie you up in little knots and dice
you up into little pieces before you had time to blink. He spent hours each day in physical training. But he was a pathetic Christ-follower. Biblically illiterate. Sinprone. Stingy. Whiney. Faultfinding. He often complained to the pastor that he got little or nothing out of his sermons. One day the pastor said, “If I took a run at you, gave it my best shot, could I hurt you?” “Not a chance.” “Why?” “I’m trained. I’d have you on the ground before you know what hit you. I could maim you or kill you at will.” “So what makes you so lethal is all your training?” “Yeah, I’d say so.” Then my friend said, “If you put into your karate the same effort you put into your spiritual life, my granny could whip your butt. You may be a karate expert, but you’re a wimp Christian.” And then he walked away (probably wise). The man took the challenge, and became as good if not better at following Christ as he was at breaking bricks. You may be a [fill in the blank] expert. But what kind of Christian are you? If you don’t like that answer, then run in such a way as to get the prize.
Mark Buchanan is an author and pastor living on Vancouver Island. He is the author of five bestselling books and numerous articles.
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 27
power play
Great games. Great toys. Great gadgets. Reviews by Sandy McMurray
MOUNTAIN BOY SLEDWORKS mountainboysleds.com Olympic bobsledding is fun to watch, but it’s more exciting to fly down a hill on your own. With the wind and the snow in your face, it takes skill and determination to stay on the toboggan when it hits a bump and goes airborne, especially if you’re sitting at the back. Mountain Boy Sledworks makes elegant, handcrafted sleds and toboggans that are almost, but not quite, too good for the kids. The Ultimate Flyer, one of the most popular models, is a beautiful handmade sled with a front section that pivots and turns when you steer. The Flyer is handmade from thick birch planks, hand-carved willow handrails and stainless-steel hardware. If you’re going to wipe out, you might as well wipe out in style.
TABLE HOCKEY www.stigausa.com www.tablehockeyshop.com You can still play hockey if it’s too cold to go out. Go down to the basement, dig out the old table hockey game and introduce your friends and family to the finest NHL action outside your TV. If you don’t have a table hockey set, you’ll find a good selection at tablehockeyshop.com, including the Stanley Cup set by Stiga— the only one licensed by the NHL. Stiga has 30 NHL teams, interchangeable snapon players, real plexiglass behind the goals and centre players that can go back into the defensive zone. Try not to bend the metal rods, okay?
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 28
GADGET FRIENDLY CLOTHES scottevest.com SCOTTEVEST introduced its first gadgetfriendly clothes about 10 years ago. The company makes comfortable, functional shirts, jackets and pants with clear touch fabric and special compartments designed to hold your cell phone, iPod and more. Whether you’re skiing, hiking or just trying to keep your headphone wires from wrapping around your neck, SeV clothes make it easy.
THE FUTURE PART 1: GOOGLE MOBILE VOICE SEARCH google.com/mobile Most of today’s electronic searches use text. You visit your favourite search engine, type in some words and then read the results. It’s pretty amazing, all things considered, but there’s room for improvement. Google for iPhone makes you realize how much better search could be. This tiny computer program listens while you speak your search query, then searches and immediately presents the results on the screen. When it works, voice search is very cool, very Star Trek. When it fails, it’s frustrating. The Google app sometimes fails to recognize names and unusual words and phrases, and it’s not good with accents. Still, it seems obvious we will soon be talking to some computers and handheld devices to make them work for us.
THE FUTURE PART 2: CAMERA SEARCH redlaser.com Voice search is cool when it works, but it’s not as cool as camera search. Imagine how great it would be if you could just point your camera or camera phone at something and ask, “What is this?” That future is not too far away. Consider RedLaser—a two dollar computer program for iPhone that turns the iPhone’s camera into a bar code reader. You just point the iPhone at a product, wait for the beep, and then wait a moment while RedLaser does its magic. Moments later the iPhone will display a list of places where you can buy that product (along with the prices). Visit any retailer that offers to match or beat competitors’ prices, scan the item you want, then show the screen to the cashier or store manager. If you can buy from Amazon for less, why buy at the bookstore today? Instant price check. How cool is that?
BRUNO RACING CAR playforevertoys.com UK-based Playforever Toys makes gorgeous, high quality toys that beg to be touched and played with. The roadster, aeroplane and motorbike may remind you of your own childhood and the adventures you shared with toy vehicles. The bright colours and swooping curves chosen by designer Julian Meagher make these vehicles very friendly.
They somehow communicate joy and fun, whether you’re looking at them or playing with them. I see you’re reaching for your credit card and writing down the web site address. If you do buy one (or more) of these handsome vehicles, be sure to share with the children in your life. They know great toys when they see them, too.
LITL COMPUTER www.litl.com Hi. I’m not a Mac or a PC. I’m a litl webbook. I can surf the web, view photos, check the weather channel, play games and more. I’m smaller than most laptops but I have big dreams. You can plug me directly into an HDTV set to see my screen on a really BIG screen with pure HDMI digital picture, if you care about that sort of thing. My special folding hinge makes me useful even when I’m not on your lap. In this “easel” mode, you can see my screen and use me almost anywhere. I will literally bend over backwards to get you to like me. Please try to ignore my $700 price tag. Won’t you be my friend? If enough people check me out, the next generation will cost less and I could become kind of a big deal. Even though I’m litl.
AXE ME ANOTHER brookandhunter.com Do you have a job that needs an axe? Would you like that axe to have a toolbox worth of extra features built in? If so, I have just the thing. The Mo-Tool Axe is an axe, but it’s much more than that. Besides the axe blade and
hammerhead, the Mo-Tool has built-in screwdrivers, knives, a can opener, wire cutter, pliers, a file and a wrench. This is a Swiss army knife on steroids! The axe was designed to be a garden tool but you can imagine how handy it could be when you’re ice fishing or winter camping. All this and good looks too? You bet. The Mo-Tool wood inlay axe has a handcrafted wooden handle and is available in black or red oak. It’s sharp, tough and handsome—just like you.
THE COMPLETE MANUAL OF THINGS THAT MIGHT KILL YOU www.amazon.ca Question: What do you give the man whose library already includes The Zombie Survival Guide and How to Survive a Robot Uprising? Answer: The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You This book presents a collection of the world’s worst maladies, organized by symptom. Do you have a slight itch? Maybe your skin is a bit dry? The Complete Manual will confirm that you’re probably dying. That’s no problem, of course—your next symptom will likely change the prognosis and send you off in another direction. This book is ideal late night reading for insomniac hypochondriacs, and for anyone who has just finished a marathon of watching House M.D. on television.
instructions to help. All you need is a flat area, some PVC, a large plastic tarp, some tools and lots of water. Sandy McMurray writes about gear, gadgets and games for SEVEN. His new web site is FunSpot.ca
BUILD A CHEAP BACKYARD ICE RINK www.instructables.com/id/Make_a_ch eap_backyard_ice_skating_rink/ If you have kids who are excited about the Olympics, this might be a good time to make a backyard skating rink. The Indestructables web site has step-by-step
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 29
What women want
What's cooking in your bedroom Awaken your taste buds before the main course arrives by Sheila Wray Gregoire
When hunger pangs intensify, inhabitants of my small town head to a local truck stop where the meals are huge, fast and wonderful. You wolf the food down, and you leave stuffed. What could be better? Last summer my husband and I experienced a new kind of culinary delight. He whisked me away on a second honeymoon, which was infinitely better than the first since we had some practice in the interim. Our destination was an extremely posh resort: the kind where you count the forks to make sure you’re using the right one. At the beginning of every meal, the server presented us with the tiniest of little nibbles to whet our appetites. It was always something very tasty and very interesting, but it was barely bitesized. The appetizers were rather diminutive as well. At first I felt cheated—and rather hungry—with dreams of that truck stop dancing in my head. Sure the food was delicious, but 20 minutes elapsed between each minuscule course. Then the penny dropped. That’s the point! This posh restaurant was putting our taste buds on alert before the main course actually arrived. Instead of eating being merely a functional task, it became an experience. Perhaps we need to start thinking of sex the same way. I’m afraid we see sex too much like food. You’re “hungry” and you need to “eat,” so the best thing to do is to jump in and satisfy that craving. Women, though, generally don’t get hungry for sex the way men do. It doesn’t mean you don’t turn our cranks; it just means we’re likely to crave chocolate as
much as we do something more energetic. In fact, a recent study published in Psychology Today found that the majority of women don’t actually feel “in the mood” before they make love. That mood only arrives once we’re engaged in the process. The trick for you guys, then, is to lure us into wanting to start, instead of questioning why we’re not hungry in the first place. Unfortunately, too often both genders are stuck in the truck stop mentality. We think of sex as a hunger. But that frame of reference endangers women’s libidos, because it’s all too easy to conclude that since women aren’t as hungry at the onset, we don’t need sex. It was created for you, and we’re the accessory. How degrading. Besides, think what that analogy is saying: if the point of sex is to relieve hunger, then our aim is to make the yearning disappear. That hardly sounds thrilling. Even worse, it sounds awfully goal-oriented. And as a woman, I get antsy about goal-oriented sex. It reminds me too much of football. You’re rushing for the touchdown line, and it’s counted as a success only if you cross it. That’s putting a lot of performance pressure on everyone. Sure that something we want to achieve is great, but even if it doesn’t happen at exactly the right moment while doing exactly the right thing, can’t we just enjoy being together, anyway? Don’t get me wrong; sex is stupendous when those fireworks go off. Every guy should become a student of his wife’s body to discern what she likes (because she may not have a clue, either, until you experiment). But like Song of Solomon says, there’s a time to
“awaken” love slowly, and that time occurs far more frequently than most of us make allowances for. Our marriages would be much richer if we aimed to be more like that resort chef. Instead of being irritated that she isn’t in the mood, why not woo her with a variety of appetizers? Leave love notes expressing your devotion (and not only your amorous desires). Touch her as often as possible. Kiss her, even if the kids are in the room and that’s all you can get away with. If you’re the one with the low libido, it’s a recipe to heighten your desire, too! Then, when the appetizers are over and the main course is ready to be served, focus on presentation. This may sound odd, but pray with her first. And I don’t mean praying, “for this bounty which we are about to receive…” I mean praying for each other. Go into God’s presence on your wife’s behalf and ask that He will empower her in all the things she does. For a woman, there’s little sexier, or more intimate, than hearing her husband hammer the door of heaven for her. And since that feels so intimate, chances are you’ll both want to be intimate in other ways, too! But don’t rush. Light some soft candles. Massage her. Whisper in her ear. Let sex not just be about the physical, but let it draw you together spiritually and emotionally as well. When we whet our appetites, instead of rushing to satisfy them, everything becomes more intense. In that intensity, you’ll experience tenderness and affection, all while awakening deep desire. And that is truly a recipe for a great marriage.
Sheila is the author of several marriage books, including Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood. You can find her speaking at marriage conferences around the country, or at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com.
seven – issue ten january–february 2010 page 30
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