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Contents Professional coaches invest thousands of dollars and countless hours into training athletes. Their passion and drive is pushed to the limit for the opportunity to create a winning team. While a team may win a game or even a season, as dads we have the honour of raising our kids to navigate the rest of their lives. In Coach Dad, we will explore how a man’s identity, relationships and faith can equip him to be a better dad.
SECTION 1 QUALIFIED TO COACH by Steve Hahn Any time a team hires a new coach there is always the debate about the coach’s qualifications; do they have the knowledge and experience to guide the team? As dads we can feel overwhelmed by this question. The good news is our credentials are based on our identity as sons of our Heavenly Father.
3 Devotion 1 4 Devotion 2 5 Devotion 3 6 Devotion 4 8 Devotion 5 9 Devotion 6 10 Resources
The Coach Well Qualified Identity Crushers Identity Crushers Continued Game Plan Adopted
SECTION 2 THE TEAM OWNER by Bill Farrel A successful coach needs to work with the team owner and have effective communication if the team is going to become their best. As we raise our kids, and continue to influence them through their lives, we have no greater resource at our disposal than prayer.
11 Devotion 7 12 Devotion 8 14 Devotion 9 15 Devotion 10 16 Devotion 11 18 Devotion 12 19 Resources
Talk with the Owner Listen to the Owner Consult the Owner’s Manual Pray with Urgency Pray a Blessing Pray for Recovery
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 1
SECTION 3 THE COACHING STAFF by Dwayne Cline In professional sports, the coach is part of a larger team: assistant coaches, trainers, managers, doctors etc. The same is true for us as dads. Our children are being influenced by our church, teachers, family and others we may not even suspect.
20 Devotion 13 21 Devotion 14 22 Devotion 15 23 Devotion 16 24 Devotion 17 25 Devotion 18 26 Resources
I’m Not Alone I’m on His Team We’re in This Together A Rich Heritage The Priority of Fellowship Evangelizing our Children Together
SECTION 4 UNDERSTANDING YOUR OPPONENT by Jeff Stearns The best players can read the opponent’s play before it even begins and adjust accordingly. Coaches work hard with their team to develop this insight long before actual game time. Our children need similar discernment when it comes to recognizing the strategies of our spiritual opponents.
27 Devotion 19 28 Devotion 20 30 Devotion 21 31 Devotion 22 32 Devotion 23 33 Devotion 24 34 Resources
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On the Team Direct Access Know the Plays Review the Film Listen to the Team No Retirement
SECTION 1 QUALIFIED TO COACH
DEVOTION 1
by Steve Hahn
THE COACH “…those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.” ROMANS 8:14
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remember the day well when I picked up my wife Pat and my first child from the hospital. When we laid Kendra in the crib, the full weight of being a dad hit me.
I was faced with the responsibility of this little one. I soon realized I had no idea of how to be a dad. My own father was broken in many ways. As a result, I had no solid footing on which to stand when it came to understanding how to father my daughter. That’s what I thought—but I was wrong. Whether we had good or not-so-good role models as fathers, the truth is we have a great standing within the kingdom of God. Our past does not need to define us. Through Christ we have or can become sons of God. As a result, we have a heavenly Father to guide us in our parenting. Our identity in Christ provides us the resources of our heavenly “Coach” so we may be strong, persevering, and emotionally healthy fathers for our children. We don’t need to believe the lies that come to us about our inability to coach well. Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builder labours in vain.”
As sons of God, we do not labour in vain because we are in partnership with the greatest Coach ever. Daily Reading: Romans 8:12-17
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DEVOTION 2
Qualified to Coach SECTION 1
WELL QUALIFIED “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” MAT THEW 3:17
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hen a man is being considered to be the coach of a team, his qualifications are always on the forefront of the conversation. If they
match up with expectations, he will be hired. When it comes to being a dad, most of us would say we shouldn’t be “hired” because we feel underqualified.
We know there are parenting skills that can be learned, and we believe we can learn them. But at the heart level we still wrestle with uncertainty. I recall being at a conference and the leaders were praying for men and using today’s verse at the heart of their praying. I sensed the need to receive such a prayer. As I went forward, God did something in my heart and soul as those men prayed for me. I describe it as God closing a hole in my heart. I had become settled in my understanding that as God’s son He loved me and was well pleased with me. Though I was an imperfect father, I began to feel a new confidence in being a dad. My understanding of how God viewed me lifted a veil that had kept me in the dark about what it meant to be God’s son. As my understanding of my identity grew, so did my confidence and ability to coach my children well. We are qualified to coach well, not because we know certain skills about parenting, but rather because of who we are through Christ. God would say to each of us, “You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” Daily Reading: Matthew 17:1-5
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DEVOTION 3
SECTION 1 Qualified to Coach
IDENTITY CRUSHERS “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” ROMANS 7:24
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oday’s verse seems strange when it comes to talking about being a dad. But as we have been talking about identity, there are some things going on in our
minds which may be speaking the same kind of message to us. These messages come through what I call Identity Crushers. Over the next couple days we will be considering four of them. Significant Others—The role of others, especially our fathers, have convinced us of our worth or unworthiness, our significance or insignificance. I walked into the kitchen following a car accident and my dad was at the table. I said to him, “I
just wrecked my car”. I was hoping he would ask if I was okay, but instead he said these words, “Well what’s new.” As a 19-year-old I became convinced of something my dad had been saying to me all my life: I was a failure, and I would always be a failure. I was cursed, and as a result I struggled for years and almost lost my marriage and my role as a pastor later in life. Satan—In John 10:10 we find the mandate of our enemy, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” Satan is determined to destroy anything of God within us. And he never quits. He is always seeking ways to convince us that we are not worthy to be God’s sons. He whispers lies and half-truths into our minds. He reminds us of things we have done that disqualifies us. He indeed is a lion looking for whomever he can devour. As we have considered these two identity crushers, remember they do not define us. We are sons of God, and our relationship with Him defines us. Remember yesterday’s verse from Matthew 3:17, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Daily Reading: Romans 7:24-8:4
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DEVOTION 4
IDENTITY CRUSHERS “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” ROMANS 7:24
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esterday we looked at two identity crushers: Significant Others and Satan.
Today we will consider two others.
Sin—When we wrestle with our identity and we sin, it is a reminder to
us we are unworthy. We say something like this to ourselves: “How can I be God’s son if I keep doing…” It’s important to understand that sinning is our responsibility. But this is what happens when we do sin: What we believe about ourselves, or Satan, or both, whisper the word “unworthy” in our ear. And since we just sinned, we agree quickly with those whispers. This can become a vicious cycle. We sin, we hear the whispers, we agree, we fall into sin more readily, and on and on it goes. Throughout this cycle the sense of being God’s son is quietly dying within us. Self—What I am about to say will likely be a surprise to most men: We can be stubborn and proud. I know this is no surprise. The unfortunate part of this is our unwillingness to believe we are broken and actually need the help of “Someone” else. We were “raised” to be independent and strong. We may be actually dying inside, but we will prove our worth to the world. That’s a challenge in itself, but the bigger challenge is when we as believers do the same with God. We are going to prove to God we can live this Christian life independently and strong. We will show Him we are sons He can approve of. I was a committed (driven) man when it came to my devotions and church and my job as a pastor. I was going to show God I was good enough for his love. That’s pride. Yes, it came out of a faulty understanding of my relationship with him. But it was pride in self.
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Qualified to Coach SECTION 1
I have shared these identity crushers not to discourage us, but rather for us to understand what we are dealing with. It’s hard to fight a battle when we do not understand who we are or who we are fighting. Please close off your time today by reading the passage below, and be encouraged as you see who you can be and the strength of God’s love for you. Daily Reading: Romans 8:31-39
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DEVOTION 5
Qualified to Coach SECTION 1
GAME PLAN “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 CORINTHIANS 10:5
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oaches and players know the value of watching game tapes of their opponents.
They look for how plays are executed and weaknesses within the team. As they learn
about their opponent, they put a game plan together that will help them win the game.
In light of the identity crushers, we need a game plan to overcome our opponent. 1. The verse for today gives us one part of the game plan: Taking our thoughts captive to Christ. When our opponent or the old voices of our past begin to speak the lies into our ears, we need to take them to Christ and release them to Him. 2. We need to know the truth of how God sees us to counter the lies. Here are a few verses for you to use. Gen 1:26-27—Created in God’s image; Ps 139:13-14— Fearfully and wonderfully made; Romans 8:15-16—We are his sons; Gal 4:4-6— As a result of being his sons, we now have the full rights of sonship; Romans 8:37—We are more than conquerors; 2 Cor 1:22—Christ’s seal of ownership has been placed on us; Ephesians 2:10—We are God’s workmanship. 3. We need to have a healthy perspective of sin and God’s forgiveness. If we don’t understand how God could (would) love us enough to continue to forgive us, we will always wrestle with our identity when we sin. We will agree we are like Paul when he says he is a wretched man (Rom 7:24). But we need to move beyond that to understanding Rom 8:1, “there is no condemnation for those who belong to Jesus.” When God forgives, He chooses to not remember our sins (Isaiah 43:25). They are forever gone. Daily Reading: Psalm 103
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DEVOTION 6
SECTION 1 Qualified to Coach
ADOPTED “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’” ROMANS 8:15
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ur son Liam is adopted, and when he was young we were filling out forms for his Social Insurance Number. We came across the line that said, “Birth
Parents”. Unsure about what to do, we contacted our social worker who informed us that once the adoption was complete we would be able to sign it. She then
said this: “Through the adoption it will be as if Liam was always your son.” What an amazing picture of what takes place when we are adopted as God’s sons. It is as if we were always His son. You may have heard that in becoming a Christian the slate of our lives are wiped clean by forgiveness. But I would say that as adopted sons of God, the slate is completely gone. It is as if it never existed. Paul was right when he wrote, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)) So it doesn’t matter what your past was like. It doesn’t matter if you had a good role model or not. It just doesn’t matter. As a disciple of Christ, you have a completely new identity as His son. The old is gone. No doubt you will wrestle with things that were done or said to you in your past. But as God’s son they no longer have power over you. They are gone, the root of them totally eradicated. You now stand in the position of God’s son with a totally new identity that frees you to live in the fullness of life as Jesus promised you. And as a result, you can be a great dad to your children. Daily Reading: Galatians 4:1-7
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 9
ADDITIONAL READING RESOURCES
Blueprint for Men is a uniquely Canadian Discipleship Series for men from the ministry of Promise Keepers Canada. Our nation needs men to be the men God has designed us to be. Families, workplaces, churches, and communities are waiting and looking for men to have a Godly impact. The need for the discipleship of men is great, and this series is designed to help men move towards being those men.
Fatherhood Participants Guide Coming Soon. Available at:
PromiseKeepers.ca
DEVOTION 7
SECTION 2 THE TEAM OWNER
by Bill Farrel
TALK WITH THE OWNER
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he greatest privilege you have as a dad is you get to talk with your kids’ owner. God created your kids and holds the pink slip to their lives. He has
“loaned” to them to you so they can be on your team for a little while. He knows their strengths and negative tendencies. He knows his plan for each of them and believes you have what it takes to train them up. Talking with the owner on a regular basis makes sense which is why the apostle Paul wrote, “I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing” (1 Timothy 2:8). James recognizes the power of talking with the owner when he wrote, “the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16) When Paul challenged men to lift up holy hands, he wasn’t giving a physical prescription for prayer. He is challenging us to recognize who is in charge. Successful teams respect the head coach and follow his lead. Successful companies respect the visionary who gives rise to the ideas and products that cause the whole organization to flourish. Similarly, any man who flourishes in prayer will generally begin by acknowledging the greatness and superiority of God. If this is new for you, try completing the following statements as a way of training yourself: God, you are greater than anyone in the following ways … God, I marvel at the fact that you have no limits in the following areas … God, I noticed that you are a great Creator this week because … God, I praise you because your love never ends and you will never forsake those you love even though I have done … God, I trust you because you have never been tired even after you did … Once you acknowledge the greatness of the one you are praying to, your confidence will grow in His ability to be strong on behalf of your family. Daily Reading: Psalm 150; Psalm 7:17; Ephesians 3:20-21
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 11
DEVOTION 8
LISTEN TO THE OWNER
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ommunicating with the owner is a two-way street. No head coach would anticipate going into a meeting with the owner of the team and only
talking. He would certainly share his opinions and make suggestions on how to move the team forward but he wouldn’t stop there. He would take time to
listen to what the owner has to share. Jesus himself said, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27) An important part of praying for our families is listening to what the owner of our kids has on his heart. We can practice listening by saying, “God, you go first.” This is especially helpful when you aren’t exactly sure what to do with one of your children. All kids are challenging to raise but my son Zach was an especially strenuous project. I often prayed in this way, “God, thank you for giving us Zach. I am not sure what to do with him right now so I am going to be quiet and let you go first. Can you show me what to say and what to do with him?” I would then assume any thought that came to mind was something God wanted me to pray for Zach or for me as a dad. Some of the thoughts were quite negative, such as, “You think Zach is impossible and that maybe I made a mistake when I fashioned him. You are an impatient father. Zach’s interests in life are going to change quickly so he will be difficult to figure out at times.” I would not have brought these thoughts up on my own but they turned into very strategic points of prayer.
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The Team Owner SECTION 2
Sometimes the thoughts were positive, such as, “Zach is great with people even though it is hard to see right now. He is also very talented physically, don’t ever stop being amazed at that.” In the strenuous mix of parenting, it could be hard to see these qualities so the reminders were welcome. Take time today to let God go first! Daily Reading: Luke 8:17-18; Proverbs 19:20; Romans 8:14-16
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 13
DEVOTION 9
The Team Owner SECTION 2
CONSULT THE OWNER’S MANUAL
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he owner’s manual for parenting is a living book which gives us the privilege of Listening to God’s Word for each of our kids. Hebrews 4:12 reveals that “The
word of God is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword … it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” If kids were robots, we could simply apply
a formula to each child and expect predictable results. Children, however, have thoughts and attitudes that come from an imperfect heart. They are works in progress that need shaping. God’s word has the ability to reveal the thoughts and attitudes that affect our kids both positively and negatively. It is highly strategic to ask God to give us theme verses for each of our children that provide clarity to our parenting. My oldest son Brock is a natural leader but was not born with very much natural tact. He can, as a result, easily offend the people he wants to lead. I asked God to cause a verse to stand out to me on his behalf. In response I prayed Philippians 2:3 over him often, “in humility value others above yourselves.” My youngest son Caleb has a soft heart but is prone to being timid in situations he ought to lead. Joshua 1:9 became an important theme verse in praying for him, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” God knows each of your kids and knows what will work in their lives. Ask God to give you a verse or two for each of your children. When the verses “jump out at you,” save them and use them regularly to guide your prayers. Daily Reading: Psalms 119:9-16; 2 Timothy 3:16-17
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DEVOTION 10
SECTION 2 The Team Owner
PRAY WITH URGENCY “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction.” PROVERBS 4:1
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recently attended the National Commission on Fatherhood. It was a gathering of people in North America who have a passion to help dads be more effective in
the lives of their kids. One of the men who spoke was Dr. Jeffrey Shears, Associate
Professor of Social Work at UNC Charlotte and author of What All Dads Should Know. It turns out that when a dad enters a room and engages in rough play with his kids he is doing more than just interrupting the family rhythm. The increased level of activity and intensity that occurs when he arrives teaches young people to ramp up their focus and activity level on cue. When he leaves the room and the activity level drops dramatically, it trains young people to calm down quickly. Studies have revealed that children who interact with their father in this way show a greater ability to self-regulate their emotions and activity level throughout their lives. When Dr. Shears shared this material, he did not do so as a professor making a purely intellectual presentation. He spoke with the passion of a father who urgently wants his kids to live good lives. He felt a burning desire to help others realize how important dad is to the healthy development of his kids. I cannot imagine someone with this kind of passion for fatherhood being silent. Of course he talks about it. Of course he demands that people listen. Of course he looks for ways to broadcast this vital truth. Praying as a father is like this. We care about our kids. We want our kids to be their best, grow to maturity, excel in their pursuits and avoid troublesome choices. When we bring these desires up in prayer, God anticipates that we will speak up with urgency begging Him to capture the hearts of the people we love the most. Pray boldly today for your kids with the urgency of a father. Daily Reading: 1 Peter 1:22; Matthew 7:7-11
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DEVOTION 11
PRAY A BLESSING And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” MAT THEW 3:17
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od the Father set an example for all dads when he publicly acknowledged his son and told anyone within earshot that He was proud of his child.
Something special happens in the heart when dad gives a personal blessing. We have a tradition of saying a blessing over each member of our family during one of our yearly celebrations. When our sons were young, I would spend time asking God what was going well in each of my son’s lives and would develop a blessing for them during my prayer time. Just before dinner, I placed my hand on their shoulder and completed these three sentences: I have seen God at work in your life this past year in the following ways . . . My hope for you in the coming year is . . . I believe you will be able to accomplish this because . . . I then light a candle in their honour and say a prayer over them. This was not something my parents did as I grew up so I wasn’t real sure how it would work. During my sons’ teenage years, they tolerated the activity but you could tell there was plenty of silent sighing and rolling of the eyes. I am even pretty sure they talked about it being kind of a dumb thing to do when we weren’t around. Recently, however, my oldest son, Brock, asked me, “Dad, this year can I say the blessing over my kids and pray for them. Hannah and I are good with you saying the blessing over us but I want to do this for my family now.” Victory!
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The Team Owner SECTION 2
Look for a time this year to pray a blessing over each of your kids. It will be a gift they never forget. Daily Reading: Ephesians 429; Proverbs 10:1; Proverbs 23:24
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 17
DEVOTION 12
The Team Owner SECTION 2
PRAY FOR RECOVERY
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ach of your kids is going to experience heartbreaking setbacks. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
(John 16:33) My oldest son lost his homecoming football game during his senior year in high school. It was disappointing but he figured the homecoming event the next night would go better as he spent time with the young lady he had been dating for a few months. When she left the event with another young man, his emotions reached a whole new level of disappointment. At two in the morning, my son asked me, “Dad, why does homecoming weekend of my senior year have to be the worst weekend of my life?” Their heartaches will include goals that don’t work out, relationships that break up, loved ones that lie or otherwise disappoint us, or health issues that change the course of our lives. It is at these moments that our loved ones long for us to rally around them. One way to show our support is to pray over them as they process the frustration. To get you started, consider praying this over your child next time he or she faces a significant disappointment: Jesus, thank you that (insert name) is fully involved in life and adding value to the lives of others. I am so proud of the bold steps that (insert name) has taken in becoming a stronger person. Dear Lord, you know things didn’t turn out the way (insert name) hoped it would but I know that you never waste the opportunity to make us stronger and wiser. Please remind (insert name) that you are crazy about him/her. Please use this experience to develop wisdom in his/her heart that will bring strong guidance in the future. Please give him/her a glimpse of how this will work together with all the other experiences of life to bring about good. Replace any sense of discouragement with the confidence that you will never leave him/ her or forsake him/her. Thank you that you are there for (insert name) and that he/ she is part of our lives. Amen. Daily Reading: Romans 8:28; Hebrews 13:5; James 1:2-5
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ADDITIONAL READING RESOURCES from Bill Farrel
Men today have important decisions to make about family, career, and ministry. Sometimes the choices can seem overwhelming, and men end up making decisions by default—by doing what comes naturally rather than by carefully thought-out principles. In The 10 Best Decisions a Man Can Make, popular author and speaker Bill Farrel gives men the hands-on decision-making tools they need to make the kinds of choices they won’t regret. Farrel encourages men to discover the joy of finding their place in God’s plan as they: • Make better decisions with less stress Live more efficiently by discovering your personal pace in life • • Improve relationships • Increase your influence in the areas that matter most • Gain confidence to make deliberate, forward-thinking decisions The 10 Best Decisions s Man Can Make will empower you to pursue God’s best and to achieve true success in the adventure of your life. For these titles and other resources for men visit
PromiseKeepers.ca
DEVOTION 13
THE COACHING STAFF SECTION 3
by Dwayne Cline
I’M NOT ALONE Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. PHILIPPIANS 4: 9
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didn’t think there could be anything more challenging in life than being married, until Aimee and I started having children. Now don’t get me wrong, Aimee and
I have a strong marriage and we have a great family, with four amazing kids, but most days are full of a variety of challenges. Whether it’s the scheduling challenge
(I work 60 hours a week, my wife owns a storefront and our kids are involved in a variety of activities), offering homework help (I’m passing Grade 10 math yet again), extended family responsibilities, necessary house and yard work…the list seems inexhaustible—and exhausting. And it’s fluid. It changes with every season. Every time I think I’ve got a phase of life almost figured out, my kids graduate to the next phase. And I know they watch me. How I show their mom love. How we offer forgiveness to each other. How we handle a situation of injustice. How we talk about others at church. How much time I spend in the Word. How much time I pray. And then I blow it… I sin. I speak a word, or several, in anger. I punish them with unfair consequences. I have seemingly insurmountable demands. The list goes on… God has primarily given my wife and myself the responsibility of raising, or coaching, our children. Thankfully he’s placed them in a family where I have a godly heritage (although Aimee is the only believer we know of on her side so far), blessed them with a church family who purposes to follow Christ, and given them some peers who know and love Jesus. Thankfully I’m not alone. Most importantly, Christ is with us and he has blessed us with others who care for and invest in the lives of our children. We all work together to direct them to Christ. What I want to do is leverage these connections for kingdom purposes as they grow. Daily Reading: Hebrews 10:22-25
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SECTION 3 The Coaching Staff
DEVOTION 14
I’M ON HIS TEAM And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus. EPHESIANS 2:6
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hrist is for us. His is on our side. The hope we have is this: that while we were sinners, Christ died for us. There is no better news. He entered time
from eternity, cloaked His deity with humanity, was knit together in Mary’s womb,
was birthed in a stable, was fed and burped, learned His father’s trade, came into the public eye, taught, healed, and cast out demons. Everyone was amazed. Then He chose to give up His life for us. He was born between animals, and He died between criminals. He went through the torturous pain of the cross as the Father’s wrath was being poured out on Him. God treated Christ the way I deserved on the cross. He went through hell, died, was buried and three days later raised to life. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He reigns eternally. And one day when I stand before God in judgement, and I am found guilty (God cannot declare me innocent—I am guilty), I will be pardoned because of the work of Christ. And I will, in a full and complete way understand grace and hope and joy—forever. God treated Christ the way I deserved on the cross so that He can treat me the way Christ deserves in judgement. And Christ, who created and sustains all things and is the reigning Lord, is on my side. He’s on my side and at my side when I parent my children. Thanks be to God. I can lean on Him and direct my children to Him. He’s on our team. Better said…we’re on His team! Daily Reading: Ephesians 2:8-10
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 21
DEVOTION 15
The Coaching Staff SECTION 3
WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 1 CORINTHIANS 12: 27
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number of years ago a good friend of mine talked with me about the priority of coaching our children, intentionally investing in their lives in order to
cultivate healthy habits and Christ-like character. As we discussed ways to pour
into our own children, we also talked about ways we can pour into each other’s children. We’re both a part of the same church, we get along well, and our children enjoy being together. How do we live out having some communal responsibility for each other’s children? Our western, individualized, it’s-none-of-your-business lifestyle leads to isolation and independence that God never intended. God created us to be in relationship with Him and each other. We need to be raising our children to enjoy the necessity of interdependence. Each of us have gifts and a skill set we can offer. And each of us need the skill sets and gifts others have. My son loves sports, but I’m not a sports fanatic. I’ve taken him to a couple of professional games. We have some sports enthusiasts who go to games regularly and on a couple of occasions, a godly man at our church will buy tickets to go to a game with his boys and purchase an extra ticket for our son. I know he will have a great time while having Christ-honouring conversations. None of us can do it all. Some of us will excel academically, others will be the hands on type, some will be athletic and others musical. And as we carve out time to invest in each other’s children, they end up with a variety of role models they can look up to, trust, and inspire to be like, while learning to build God’s kingdom together. Daily Reading: Romans 12:3-8
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DEVOTION 16
SECTION 3 The Coaching Staff
A RICH HERITAGE Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. JOSHUA 1:9
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’ve been blessed by being raised in a Christian family with godly parents. My parents live close enough that they see our children frequently. A number of years
ago, my parents, who teach the children at their church, started to bring various
Sunday School lessons to our house to share with the kids when they would watch our children. My parents read Scripture and prayed with our kids. I’ve been to a number of Promise Keepers Canada events and have had grandfathers speak to me about what books they can be reading so that they can be further equipped to be used by God in the lives of their grandchildren. I remember one 84-year-old telling me that he could barely turn on the computer but was looking for a good book recommendation on battling internet porn so that he could help his 16-year-old grandson. Again, at another PKC event, I had a couple of grandfathers asking me about books I would recommend so they could be better equipped to reach their unsaved, teenaged grandchildren for the Lord. They wanted to be able to understand their skepticism and offer some answers. Not all of us come from a godly heritage—my wife doesn’t. Our prayer is that she is the first in a line of many godly women in her family. Where you have that godly heritage, encourage your family to be spiritually involved in the lives of your children. And where you can, be spiritual grandparents and uncles in your family. Daily Reading: Joshua 24:15-16
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 23
DEVOTION 17
The Coaching Staff SECTION 3
THE PRIORITY OF FELLOWSHIP They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ACTS 2:42
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ll of us need others. Christian fellowship is vital to our spiritual growth. We can’t make it on our own. The enemy will devour us. A Christian trying to
make it on his own lasts as long as a single coal pulled from the burning fire
and left exposed to the elements. That coal will burn out significantly faster than the ones left together. We need to coach our children to value the importance of Christian fellowship at a young age. This isn’t the responsibility of a youth pastor or youth worker. This is dad’s job. We need to set the example for our children. They should hear about the way we learn from other godly men and hear us talk about ways we are investing in the lives of those men. We should be encouraging our children to fellowship with other believers their age. Teach our pre-teens and teens how to read Scripture and pray together, how to serve together and how to evangelize together. We have time to teach them about sports or a skill set or hobby we enjoy. Teaching them the priority of fellowship must be one of the skills we pass on to them. I’d start by doing this with them: ask them for the names of 2-3 Christian friends they would want to invite over—and show them (possibly with the other dad’s) how to spend time in the Word and prayer together. Let them experience that this type of community is God’s plan for His people by modelling it in front of them and creating opportunities where they can experience it. Daily Reading: Hebrews 3:12-13
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DEVOTION 18
SECTION 3 The Coaching Staff
EVANGELIZING OUR CHILDREN TOGETHER And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 2 CORINTHIANS 5: 19-20
I
f you’ve grown up in the Christian church like I have, you may be able to say that you don’t remember a time when you didn’t know Christ. I know there was a time
when I didn’t know Christ, but I don’t remember it. Years ago it was easy for me to covet the radical conversion. Now I’m thankful God saved me when I was young. In
speaking at events filled with young people I’ve realized how many of them don’t know the gospel. They’ve confused being at church with knowing God. It is so important that we invest in our children’s lives evangelistically. We point them to Christ, direct them to Him and pray for the convicting power of the Holy Spirit to bring our children to a point of repentance and a hatred of sin as they turn from it to embrace God’s love. And God uses us together to do so. I’ve often wondered at what age young men should be encouraged to be a part of men’s ministry: At age 12? 16? 18? It’s good for young men to see older men sing, read Scripture, pray, fellowship, sacrifice and serve. How do you involve other men in the lives of your children evangelistically? If your child is an academic skeptic, you can ask an academic from your church to connect with him. If he struggles with addiction, get the former addict freed by Christ to do so. We want to be purposely thinking about ways we and others are ambassadors for Christ in our children’s lives. Daily Reading: Matthew 28:18-20
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 25
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ANSWERING YOUR KIDS’ QUESTIONS ABOUT SEX AND SEXUALITY promisekeepers.ca/podcast 26 Coach Dad
SECTION 4  UNDERSTANDING YOUR OPPONENT
DEVOTION 19
by Jeff Stearns
ON THE TEAM
O
ne of my favourite sports shows is when they count down the thirty best plays of the month. Play after amazing play, shown again in slow motion,
highlighting the greatest moments of athletic glory. Some plays you can hardly believe happened: that incredible throw from right field all the way to third base to tag the runner out, the one handed catch in the back corner of the end zone, the goalie blocking a slap shot with lightning reflexes. Sheer brilliance. Perhaps it says something about human nature but the only sports show I
enjoy more is the top thirty worst plays of the month. The accidental goal on your own net, three fielders all watching the ball land in the middle of them assuming someone else will catch it, the horse refusing to run at the start of the race. As dads, we all want to see our kids on the first highlight reel. One of the foundational ways we help set them up for success is to help them understand who they are. We take for granted that every professional athlete knows what team they are on and what position they play. It is so basic. Our first task is to introduce our kids to Jesus. In section one we talked about our need to understand our identity in Christ; how it sets us up to be better fathers. Our children also need to understand who they are in Christ. Understanding that they are children of our Heavenly Father gives them the solid foundation they need to navigate all that lays before them. They are not only our children but His as well. Just as a good athlete knows what team they are on and what position they play, we need to help our children understand who they are and explore their role in the Body of Christ. Daily Reading: Romans 8:12-17
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers  27
DEVOTION 20
DIRECT ACCESS
I
n the NFL, select players have radios in their helmets allowing them to receive instructions on the field, during the game. This allows coaching staff to instruct
players, alert them to changes in the opponent’s formations and make last minute
adjustments. The advantage of having an extra pair of eyes, up in a booth, to warn you of a coming attack can make all the difference. Because of the obvious benefit this gives a team, the NFL is careful to try and prevent sabotage by opponents. If another team can listen in to the secret conversations or flood the headset’s radio frequency with noise, so nothing can be heard, they can unfairly gain an advantage. Access to guidance from above can make all the difference. Unlike players on a football team, it is not a select few that have access but every Christian. In section two we talked about our direct access to our Heavenly Father, how it sets us up to be better men and better fathers. Our children, as followers of Jesus, enjoy this same privileged access. As believers, they are children of God, filled with the Holy Spirit, able to pray directly with the Creator of the Universe. A crucial element in training our children to have discernment is praying with them and teaching them to pray. A recent Angus Reid Institute study revealed: “…the most striking result was the evidence that prayer habits often carry through from childhood. The survey showed that if people prayed as children, they were overwhelmingly more inclined to pray as adults, and the opposite was also true. Those who prayed regularly as children were more likely to pray as adults, and 28 per cent of those adults said they pray on a daily basis. For those who prayed less frequently as a child, only six per cent said they pray daily,
28 Coach Dad
Understanding Your Opponent SECTION 4
and of the people who never prayed as a child, four per cent said they now pray regularly. ‘Either it’s built in childhood, or it’s not,’ Reid said.” (National Post, May 9, 2016) Daily Reading: Matthew 7:7-11; Philippians 4:6
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 29
DEVOTION 21
Understanding Your Opponent SECTION 4
KNOW THE PLAYS
E
very professional athlete learns their playbook inside and out. Failure to do so can lead to failure on the field.
Jephthah paid dearly for his father’s weakness. Born as a result of his father’s
affair with a prostitute, when he was older his half-brothers drove him away from home and told him in no uncertain terms that he was not part of their family. The Bible doesn’t mention where his father was but clearly he was not there for Jephthah when he needed him. It is not surprising Jephthah grew up to be a fighter and in time became a mighty warrior. He was also a born leader and a band of outcasts and “scoundrels” soon gathered around him and began to follow him. It must have been a bitter sweet moment when the leaders of Gilead came to him to ask for help in their war with the Ammonites. Only with the promise that he would become their leader were they able to solicit his help. In spite of his upbringing, Jephthah loved God and was a man of faith. The Spirit of the Lord came on him as he headed into battle and God gave him the victory. If only the story ended there. Before the battle he promised he would sacrifice the first thing that came to meet him when he got home. To his horror his daughter, his only child, came running out to greet her dad. We know that God hates human sacrifice, it is one of the main reasons he passed judgement on the nations in Canaan. We know God is not honoured by keeping a promise if it will result in sin. But Jephthah did not. Jephthah loved God but he did not know the Scriptures and was instead influenced by the culture around him. Athletes need to know the playbook to succeed. Our children need to know God’s Word if they are going to succeed. Daily Reading: Judges 11, Deuteronomy 6: 6-7
30 Coach Dad
SECTION 4 Understanding Your Opponent
DEVOTION 22
REVIEW THE FILM
G
ood coaches and athletes spend time reviewing film to improve their game.
They watch past games to see how they can improve their performance and
they watch footage of opposing teams to help create strategies to win. My son, Ray, is in grade ten and is on the track and field team. That means that four times a week he needs to be at school just before seven a.m. That provides
me with the “privilege” of driving him to school early four days a week. During one morning trip, the news report on the radio was discussing the Jian Ghomeshi trial. Had he been younger I probably would have just put on music and changed the topic. However, this time it gave me an opportunity to review the film, much like a coach and a player would. We talked about how the trouble began when people choose to ignore God’s wisdom. God tells us to restrict sex to marriage. Not because sex is dirty but because it is something special that should be treated with respect. God tells us to love each other and treat each other with kindness. By reviewing the film together, it allowed Ray to understand how God’s wisdom makes practical sense in life. We also have the privilege as dads of reviewing our kid’s victories. Taking time to celebrate with them when they succeed and encouraging them to continued growth. Reviewing the film is one of our greatest tools for creating discernment in our children. Daily Reading: Proverbs 1
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 31
DEVOTION 23
Understanding Your Opponent  SECTION 4
LISTEN TO THE TEAM
M
oses was tired; he must have been. He had returned to Egypt and the palace he had grown up in to face off against the most powerful leader and
kingdom he had ever known. After many devastating plagues, the Israelites had
finally been set free only to have Pharaoh come after them with the army. Pinned against the sea with nowhere to go God had given them an escape and destroyed their enemy at the same time. Facing a revolt in the desert, God had provided manna and quail, and then water from a rock to quiet the complaining masses. To top it off the Amalekites had seen an opportunity and attacked. As Moses stood overlooking the battle he held up his staff. As long as he held it up they were winning but if he lowered it they started to lose. All day he had overlooked the battle holding the staff in the air. Moses looked around at what his life had become. He was in the desert, leading a people who had lived their whole life as slaves. They were a long way away from being ready to govern themselves or even knowing how to live day to day without being told what to do. He must have been ready to burn out; I think most of us would be. Feeling tired and trapped, not wanting his family to endure what he felt he must, Moses sent his family to go back to his father-in-law Jethro, where he thought they would be better off. I love what happens next. Jethro arrives at the camp with his daughter and grandsons. He could have been protective. He could have gotten angry. Instead he stopped and listened to Moses. A good coach listens to his team to understand the whole picture and make informed decisions. The same is true for dads. Daily Reading: Exodus 18:1-12
32  Coach Dad
SECTION 4 Understanding Your Opponent
DEVOTION 24
NO RETIREMENT
A
fter celebrating with Moses all the amazing things God has done, Jethro sits and watches as Moses spends a whole day managing the people. What
happens next has profound significance for every dad. Jethro offers Moses wise advice. This would not have been shocking in their culture but it certainly is in ours.
Moses is not Jethro’s son; he is his son-in-law. Moses is not a child; he is a grown man. Moses is the leader of a nation; Jethro is not. Moses had been given the best education in Egypt; Jethro was from the country. Moses talked with God in a way we could only imagine and was considered one of the greatest men of God; Jethro could not compare. By our cultural standards Jethro had no qualifications to give Moses advice. But he did. And he was right. You are qualified to be a dad; you are a son of our Heavenly Father. As His son you have direct access to Him through prayer and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. We are surrounded by fellow believers who are helping to train our children. Raising our children to be Godly men and women may be the greatest accomplishment of our lives. There is no retirement for building into our children’s lives. There is no retirement in the Kingdom of Heaven. May God bless you as you strive to be a Godly dad. Daily Reading: Exodus 18: 13-27
A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 33
“I didn’t know a lot about Christians, but I was pretty sure they didn’t like strippers.”
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PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE FOLLOWING AUTHORS FOR THEIR CONTRIBUTION TO ENCOURAGE FATHERS ACROSS THIS COUNTRY THROUGH THIS DEVOTIONAL.
STEVE HAHN >> Steve is a Community Relations Manager at Promise Keepers Canada. A former pastor, he has a strong passion for serving the local church in their ministry to men. Steve loves being with his family and is constantly growing in what it means to be a follower of Jesus.
BILL FARREL >> Bill Farrel has been influencing lives for over 25 years as a senior pastor, youth pastor, radio talk show host, community leader, and sought-after conference speaker. Bill is also the author of 7 Simple Skills for Every Man, and he and his wife, Pam, have written more than 30 books, including Men Are Like Waffles—Women Are Like Spaghetti and Red-Hot Monogamy. They have been married more than 30 years and have raised three young men who love Jesus and athletics. www.Love-Wise.com
DWAYNE CLINE >> When I stood in the back yard of the home I grew up in all I could see was forest and field. Never did I expect or imagine that God would call me to minister at a church in the heart of the city. God has a heart for the city. The city is alive with various cultures, languages and people groups. The poor live in the heart of the city. God has called His people to love the city. I have had the privilege of pastoring at Hughson St since they called me to serve here on January 1, 1995. God has provided me with a wonderful wife and ministry partner, Aimee. We are blessed with four beautiful children. When I look out my back yard today I see the city and hear God’s voice calling me to love the people in our city.
JEFF STEARNS >> Jeff has been married to Jacqueline for over 20 years and together they have five kids. With Jacqueline’s parents living in the in-law suite, Jeff’s parents across the street, five kids in the house, a guinea pig, two gerbils and a dog, life is never dull. Jeff serves as the National Marketing and Resource Manager for Promise Keepers Canada as well as the Editorial Director for SEVEN Magazine. A Promise Keepers Canada Devotional for Fathers 35
NOTES
36 Coach Dad
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Professional coaches invest thousands of dollars and countless hours into training athletes. Their passion and drive is pushed to the limit for the opportunity to create a winning team. While a team may win a game or even a season, as dads we have the honour of raising our kids to navigate the rest of their lives. In Coach Dad, we will explore how a man’s identity, relationships and faith can equip him to be a better dad.
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