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contents
july – august, 2012
on the cover
Courageous example The Courageous movie is having a big impact in the lives of countless men, encouraging many to be better fathers. Articles throughout this issue contemplate the challenges and celebrate the joys of fatherhood.
SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.
features 14
Living courageously
| robert white How an action movie is helping men be more involved with their families.
18
Fathers and daughters
20
Wrestling with God
22
Remembering Rollin
14
one – A promise keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and obedience to God’s Word in the power of the Spirit.
| rick johnson How a father’s love protects and empowers his daughter.
two – A promise keeper is committed to pursuing Christ-centred friendships with a few other men, connecting regularly, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.
| tom chan A son’s suicide challenges his father’s faith in a loving God. | doug koop The death of a mentor offers an opportunity to reflect on the qualities of healthy manhood.
columns
9
The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada.
5 PK Podium The priority of fatherhood 6 Man to Man Teach your children well
three – A promise keeper is committed to practicing biblical integrity: spiritually, morally, ethically and sexually.
departments
four – A promise keeper is committed to strengthening families and marriages through love, honour, protection, and biblical values.
8-12 Pulse Curious events. Interesting people. Good ideas.
five – A promise keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.
25 Sports Scene Just one point at a time
13 Reviews Believing. Blessing. Igniting. Transforming.
26 Money Matters Father knows best
28 Power Play Tools. Toys. Technology.
six – A promise keeper is committed to reaching beyond racial, social, economic, generational, and denominational barriers to demonstrate that power of biblical unity. seven – A promise keeper is committed to influencing the world by his fervent love for God while loving his neighbour, seeking justice for the poor and oppressed, and making disciples of Jesus Christ.
27 Out of My Depth Fathers live to lose 30 What Women Want What makes a dad great?
29 18 Publisher: Brian Koldyk Managing Editor: Doug Koop Pulse Editor: Robert White
20
advertising John Steadman jsteadman@promisekeepers.ca 1-888-901-9700
editorial advisory board KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada PHIL WAGLER: Gracepoint Community Church SANDRA REIMER: Reimer Reason Communications ADAM KROEKER: ChristianWeek DOUG KOOP: Soulcraft Communication
Promise Keepers Canada Box 20099 RPO Brant Hills Burlington, ON L7P 0A4 (905) 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca Postmaster: Please send address changes to Box 20099 RPO Brant Hills, Burlington, ON L7P 0A4
The PK Canada logo features a maple leaf, indicating our dedication to serve the men of Canada. An arrow breaks into the maple leaf symbolizing the impact we believe God wants to see Promise Keepers and men making in our nation.
editorial 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4 Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org Design: ’Segun Olude www.indigoinkstudios.com
ISSN 1916-8403 Cover:
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PK@HOME RESOURCES
Visit our new website for the latest info, videos, audio messages, men’s articles, books and other resources.
Men of Integrity Devotional Especially written for men, personally challenging, eternally rewarding. Available in a 60 page booklet or as an email devotional.
SEVEN Magazine Men. God. Life. A Christian magazine for Canadian men. Relevant, exciting and biblical.
Visit us online at www.PromiseKeepers.ca and
Equip
PK Podium
The priority of fatherhood Engaging with your children is a daily discipline by Kirk Giles
“It was almost one year ago when Don Simmonds and his team from Crossroads Communications first approached me about the potential of partnering with them to bring the movie Courageous to theatres across Canada. We were already well aware of the importance of the theme of this movie. It was very exciting to encourage men across Canada to view Courageous and bring their friends and neighbours to see it. As we look back on the past year, it would be fair to say that Courageous far exceeded our expectations. I have heard so many stories of how this movie has been used to bring the Gospel to those who do not know Jesus, and to encourage and challenge fathers across the country. Our prayer is that this message does not end now. Fathers are such an important part in the success of children, the family, churches and communities. It would be easy to watch a movie and just talk about how good it was. Instead, we can keep the message going; understanding how important fathers are. In every city we visit, we hear over and over about the damage that is done by absent fathers and the strength that is brought when men are actively present and involved in the lives of their children. As men, we have to recognize
that children have been entrusted to us, and that there is no greater responsibility or privilege than to be a father. One of the most difficult moments of every day comes when I have to transition from being at work to being at home. The conversations are different, and the energy required is different. There are many days when I know it would be easier to sit on the couch in front of the television and ignore everyone else. There are other days when I have to run to a meeting in the evening and seeing my family is like a pit stop in a car race. It is a daily discipline to choose to engage in the life of my children. They do not always come to me; I need to go to them. I have to choose to ask them questions about their day, and I have to choose to follow up with them on how certain tests, friendships or other challenges are going. We must not allow the priority of fatherhood to just simply be something we nod in agreement with when we watch a movie or read a magazine like this one. As men, we must intentionally choose to connect and invest in the lives of our children and grandchildren. When we do this, we not only become great fathers, but we also begin to give our children a glimpse of what God the Father is like.
Kirk Giles is the president of Promise Keepers Canada. However, his most important roles as a man are husband to Shannon and father to Carter, Joshua, Sydney and Samuel.
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man to man
Teach your children well Take time to discuss the things you believe
by Jeff Stearns
A few months ago I sat down at the Irish Harp Pub with my 11-year-old son for a couple of Cokes, onion rings and Canadian wings—chicken wings covered in this mixture that includes maple syrup and bacon. It is so wrong and yet so very good. My intention was not just to get into the bad books with my doctor, but also to talk to my son about what we believe. I am responsible to train up my children. Yes, we do attend church and my son is now going to a junior youth group. But that does not excuse me from my godly responsibility. So, each night I read Bible stories to my children, pray with them and read from Psalms or Proverbs. Throughout the day I try and model what it looks like to live a life of faith. I want my sons and daughters to grow into godly men and women who love Jesus. I also want my sons to know how to be a man. Speaking man-to-man begins at home. Man-to-man begins with knowing the perfect man—Jesus. That’s why I have committed to get together with my son on a regular basis to talk about life and what we believe. It is like informal catechism classes but hopefully much more interesting. This requires me doing my homework. Yes, sorry, I said that dreadful word “homework.” Whoever told you that you would never need to do homework again lied to you. Man up, you can do it.
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Help available To start with I needed to know what to talk about. Where do you start? Is there a plan? Am I sure I know what I believe? This can seem intimidating at first glance but it is comforting to know there are several different resources that can help: • Know What You Believe, by Paul Little and James Nyquist, is a great book that covers our foundational beliefs in a very approachable manner. There are other similar titles, but this is a good one to start with. • Your church’s website. Most churches have a “What We Believe” page and often link to your denomination’s website with even more detail. • Ask your pastor. What pastor would not love to help you figure out how to talk about your faith? A great resource can help you plan it out into small chunks so that neither of you is overwhelmed. I decided I wanted to break it down into small sections so we would have time to talk about other stuff as well. Make it special. The first time we got together to talk about what we believe I wanted to make it special, hence our trip to the pub. It was somewhere fun and different where we could talk; I wanted it to be memorable. Since then we have gone to places like McDonald’s or even as part of a road trip. I told him I wanted to get together regularly to talk about what we believe so
that he knew this was different. Make it relevant. When we talked about how God reveals himself to us, I brought up the question: “What if someone tells you ‘God told me…’” Try and relate it to their experience. Don’t be afraid of questions, or of telling him you don’t know the answer. One time, just as I was about to bring up the topic I had looked into, he asked me about the End Times. It was kind of like opening your exam in high school to find out you studied the wrong subject. However, out of that question came a great discussion and it was important to him because of things he had heard. If your child asks you a question you can’t answer, then tell him you don’t know and you will look into it. Make sure you follow through. You will find yourself growing through these times as well. Encourage other men to do this as well. If there are a few of you doing this you can get together as a group to share ideas and resources. Pastors and youth pastors could promote this idea to parents of your junior highs or teens. We can all learn more when we are in community.
Jeff Stearns works for Promise Keepers Canada and is part of the SEVEN magazine team. He and his wife, Jacqueline, are busy raising five kids; praying they will always love Jesus and grow up into godly men and women.
Visit www.PromiseKeepers.ca or call 1-888-901-9700 to receive the next issue.
pulse
Curiousities. Personalities. Ideas. Information. by Robert White PULSE Editor
MORE WOMEN, FEWER MEN, BRINGING HOME THE BACON More women, and fewer men, are bringing home the bacon, suggests a recent Maclean’s article. Over the last 35 years, there’s been a surge in the ratio of wives who out-earn their husbands. The ratio has risen from 11 per cent in 1976, to 19 per cent through the 1980s, to 31 per cent in 2009 in dualincome families, according to Statistics Canada. “This has been building and there’s no reason I can see why it won’t continue (or) go over 50 per cent,” says Liza Mundy, a journalist for the Washington Post and author of The Richer Sex: How the New Majority of Female Breadwinners is Transforming Sex, Love and Family in the article. The trend has prompted Mundy and observers to ask: “Could we get to a world where that becomes the norm—where if the wife is working she’s likely out-earning her husband?” “Today, women account for nearly half of all employees in the labour force—and even outnumbered men in 2009 and 2010,” reports Maclean’s. “Most families are dual-income, and the amount of hours worked and dollars earned by wives have been rising.” Factors leading to that rise: a) More women are earning undergrad and graduate degrees;
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b) Women are better suited to working in the post-industrial economy; c) Women are making gains in the fields of medicine, law, upper management and high finance; d) Men were hit the hardest in the last recession, taking most of the job losses—especially in the construction and manufacturing sectors. “Fortunately for those men and their children, most had a working wife to soften the blow, which wasn’t always the case during previous downturns,” says Maclean’s. “It’s startling that in a lifetime we’ve seen (a) huge cultural change,” observes Andrea O’Reilly, professor of women’s studies at York University in Toronto and director of the Motherhood Initiative. The so-called “rise of women” phenomenon has been accompanied by a shift in the way that many couples, especially young ones, decide who is responsible for what. “Gender equality norms are changing,” adds Sean Lyons, a business professor at the University of Guelph. “We’ve got good evidence that men and women are a lot less likely to view the male breadwinner (model) as a desirable and just arrangement so much as something that just happens.”
SURFING WE WILL GO Want more information on the topics in Pulse? Check out these website links: More women, fewer men, bringing home the bacon http://tinyurl.com/ceye458 Encyclopedia Britannica stops the presses http://tinyurl.com/cqld6yr Faith, spirituality still important http://tinyurl.com/cm8mm4x http://tinyurl.com/c8fau2d 1960s sex symbol says the “era of porn” has damaged men http://tinyurl.com/d3u3rjr Popcorn: the snack perfect food http://tinyurl.com/cmfwctx Divorce can make you sick http://tinyurl.com/d3lnl8y A cathedral of trees http://tinyurl.com/cgfc8xr Gambling’s biggest addict http://tinyurl.com/bnb9ha9
ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA STOPS THE PRESSES Students and researchers won’t have to go through page after page, volume after volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica any more. After 244 years in print, the oldest English-language encyclopedia is going completely digital. “The end of the print set is something we’ve foreseen for some time,” Jorge Cauz, president of Encyclopedia Britannica says in a National Post article. “It’s the latest step in our evolution from the print publisher we were, to the creator of digital learning products we are today.” The Encyclopedia Britannica has been in continuous print since it was first published in Edinburgh, Scotland in 1768. The “coolly authoritative” reference books were coveted as a “goalpost for an aspirational middle class” who often paid for the multivolume sets in installments in the 1950s and 1960s, the New York Times wrote in glowing tribute to the end of era. Sales peaked in 1990 when 120,000 sets were sold in the United States and dropped off as the Internet became the reference of choice, with the huge growth of online reference site Wikipedia.
The gold-lettered books once sold by a “fleet” of door-to-door salesmen were a luxury item with at a cost of $1,400. Only 8,000 of the 12,000 collections printed for the 2010 32-volume printed edition were sold. Britannica offered its first digital edition in 1981, published the first multi-media CD in 1989 and the first encyclopedia on the Internet in 1994. The online version—which offers some services for free and charges an annual fee for enhanced content— attracts 100 million people worldwide, Britannica says. The company says it will keep selling print editions until the current stock of around 4,000 sets runs out.
1960s SEX SYMBOL SAYS THE “ERA OF PORN” HAS DAMAGED MEN Raquel Welch, the 1960s sex symbol after appearing in One Million BC wearing a leather bikini, says today’s sex-saturated culture has sapped the meaning out of sex and damaged countless men. She calls the pornography industry “an exploitation of the poor male’s libidos,” reported www.lifesitenews.com. “It’s just dehumanizing,” says the 70-something actress in a Men’s Health Magazine interview. “I have to honestly say, I think this era of porn is at least partially responsible for it,” Welch says of rampant sexual addiction. “Where is the anticipation and the personalization? It’s all pre-fab now. You have these images coming at you unannounced and unsolicited. It just gets to be so plastic and phony to me.”
Welch criticized men’s modern habit of “equat(ing) happiness in life with as many orgasms as you can possibly pack in.” When Men’s Health writer, Eric Spitznagel, suggested Welch’s views could come across as “prudish,” the aging sex icon said she was “fine with that” and pined for the days when bedroom fantasy was a private matter. “Can you imagine? My fantasies were all made up on my own,” she says. “They’re ruining us with all the explanations and the graphicness. Nobody remembers what it’s like to be left to form your own ideas about what’s erotic and sexual. We’re not allowed any individuality. I thought that was the fun of the whole thing. It’s my fantasy. I didn’t pick it off the Internet somewhere.”
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pulse
FAITH, SPIRITUALITY STILL IMPORTANT
POPCORN: THE PERFECT SNACK FOOD
Thousands of atheists, agnostics and other non-believers gathered in Washington, D.C. in March to celebrate their non-belief. Meanwhile, stories in Canadian media showed the continuing relevance of faith and spirituality. About 10,000 people showed up to the “Reason Rally,” an event billed as the biggest coming-out party for those with no religion. “We are far more numerous than anybody realizes,” said the event’s star, Richard Dawkins, the British scientist and best-selling atheist author. A graphic in the National Post, published the day before the rally, shows “there is no escaping religion.” The data reveals that of the world’s nearly 6.4 billion people: • 3 billion are adherents of the world’s three Abrahamic religions: Christianity (1.9 billion), Judaism (14.9 million) and Islam (1.1 billion). • 1.2 billion are adherents of Eastern, or Dharmic, religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism • 516 million are adherents of East Asian religions • 500 million follow indigenous religions. And just before Easter, Global News reported that a majority of Canadians don’t think religion is important, but nearly two-thirds still believed in God: • 42 per cent of respondents said “religion is an important part of my life”—women (46 per cent), men (37 per cent). • 71 per cent of women and 64 per cent of men said they believe God exists. • People from the Prairies—Manitoba and Saskatchewan—(54 per cent) were more likely to say religion was important than people from the Atlantic (47 per cent), Ontario (45 per cent), B.C. (37 per cent), and Quebec (33 per cent). • People from the Prairies were also more likely to believe in God (79 per cent) than Ontario (70 per cent) and Quebec and B.C. (62 per cent each). According the Global News report, Association for Canadian Studies executive director Jack Jedwab says he wasn’t surprised less than half of the Canadian population considered religion important to their lives. Jedwab noted the result is consistent with previous polls, showing a clear contrast between Canadians’ ambivalence toward formal religion and Americans’ stronger commitment to religious activity. “‘We’re not as engaged religiously,’ he told Postmedia News. ‘Our population is more spiritual, if you like, than actually religious in an organized fashion.’”
Popcorn is the perfect snack food. Researchers have found popcorn has more of an antioxidant substance called polyphenols than fruits and vegetables. And they discovered the hulls, the little bits that get stuck in your teeth, also have a high concentration of polyphenols and fibre. “It’s the only snack that’s 100 per cent unprocessed whole grain,” says researcher Joe Vinson, of the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania, in a release about the study. “All other grains are processed and diluted with other ingredients. “One serving of popcorn provides more than 70 per cent of the daily intake of whole grain. The average person only gets about half a serving of whole grains a day, and popcorn could fill that gap in a pleasant way.” But don’t get too excited about buying the extra large popcorn the next time you go to the movie theatre. Vinson warns as soon as you cook it in a potful of oil, slather on butter or the fake butter, and pour on the salt, popcorn can become a nutritional nightmare. “Air-popped popcorn has the lowest number of calories, of course,” Vinson said. “Microwave popcorn has twice as many calories as air-popped, and if you pop your own with oil, this has twice as many calories as airpopped popcorn. About 43 per cent of microwave popcorn is fat, compared to 28 per cent if you pop the corn in oil yourself.”
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DIVORCE CAN MAKE YOU SICK Now there’s another reason for avoiding divorce: It can make you sick, according to researchers at Michigan State University. They followed people over a 15-year period and found out that those who divorced had a more rapid decline in their health than those who stayed married. Other studies have found men suffer more long-term health problems after divorce if they don’t remarry. And women tend to suffer more seriously in the short-term because of the sudden loss of status, financial support and the emotional safety net provided by marriage. In a recent book on the syndrome, American legal professor David Pastrana argues that the newly-divorced go through the same emotional stages as people who are grieving: denial,
anger, depression and acceptance. “Divorce can affect us emotionally, mentally and physically beyond our expectations,” he says. “As you mourn the death of a loved one, so you encounter divorce grief. Recognising these feelings and acknowledging that you must go through a transitional healing process is a good place to start. Once you’ve understood them, you’re on your way to overcoming them.” Experts say little professional attention has been paid to the health consequences of an emotional blow like divorce and to helping people avoid them. Family therapist Charlotte Friedman says nearly all the people she sees going through divorce, experience stress, low mood, depression and insomnia. “About 60 per cent of people also suffer physical symptoms, which might include migraine, eczema or back
trouble, which is usually the result of muscular tension.” Psychologist James Lynch, author of The Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences Of Loneliness, believes links between emotional stress and physical illness are only beginning to be recognised. Studies show that stress increases the damage caused by free radicals— unstable molecules which attack healthy cells and are believed to play a part in heart disease, cancer and other serious diseases. Under duress, the body produces more of the fight-orflight hormone cortisol, which destabilises the body’s immune system and makes it less able to fight off illness. Those who have survived a divorce say through time and support, the body and the mind can repair themselves.
Men often say they don’t go to church because they prefer to worship God outside—golfing, watching a football or baseball game or hunting and fishing. But an outdoor church made only of trees gives men in Italy a chance to enjoy God in the great outdoors. Italian artist Giulano Mauri loved the outdoors—a love that inspired him, in 2001, to draw up the plans for the Tree Cathedral Unfortunately, Mauri died unexpectedly in 2009 and never got to see his grand plan come to life. As homage to his life’s work, the project was finally started in 2010 and located on the outskirts of Bergamo, at the foot of Monte Arena. The cathedral’s frame is made of 42 columns of fir trunks, with branches of chestnuts and hazelnuts forming support structures. Eventually the trees will grow stronger and the wooden structures will deteriorate, offering a seamless transition from a man-made structure to a completely natural creation. Right now the 6,000 meters of supporting branches around the 1,800 fir trees are held together with nails and string, but as the beeches grow, they’ll wither away and eventually be dismantled.
photocredit
A CATHEDRAL OF TREES
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GAMBLING’S BIGGEST ADDICTS Provincial governments are the country’s biggest gambling addicts suggests researcher Derek Miedema in an Institute of Marriage and Family Canada (IMFC) report. “When times get hard, with deficits growing and debt piling up, governments turn to gambling to take up the slack,” writes Miedema. “Gambling took an average of $534 for every adult Canadian adult in 2011—money given directly to provincial coffers.” He notes how governments show classic signs of addiction: 1) They hide the damage their addiction is causing. Like the gambling addict who hides the fact he’s burning through his family’s mortgage money to support his habit, governments hide the real costs of their push for more profit. 2) They protect their monopoly. Provincial governments are like a gambling addict who won’t let anyone else play their slot machine for fear the next person will hit the jackpot. In Vankleek Hill, a small town in Eastern Ontario, police carried out a warrant and found “illegal video gambling machines.” Individuals were charged with violating the criminal code statutes against gambling. In British Columbia, the government gambling site is trumpeted as
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“British Columbia’s only LEGAL gambling site” (emphasis in the original). 3) They can’t quit. Rather, they tend to expand. Provincial governments are moving deeper and deeper into gambling activity. In Ontario, the provincial government is thinking about putting a casino in Toronto and other cities. British Columbia, Altantic Canada and Quebec have already expanded into online gambling, with Ontario soon to follow. “What can be done to purge government from this addiction?” asks Miedema. “The average gambling addict would have access to bank accounts and credit cards cut off. Instead, the addicted government is allowed access to more money.” He has a couple of suggestions. First, turn gambling revenue into a source of debt reduction. “This way, we’d remove the ability of governments to see it as a fount of spending money.” Miedema also suggests better research into the effects of gambling on individuals, families and communities to establish the true costs of gambling. The outcomes of gambling in communities aren’t as universally good as governments think they are. Governments need to acknowledge the research that exists and build on it.
reviews
Believing. Blessing. Igniting. Transforming. EMPTY PROMISES: THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU, YOUR DESIRES, AND THE LIES YOU’RE BELIEVING By Pete Wilson All the money, talent, success and popularity in the world “will not protect anybody from the stupidity of sin.” Pete Wilson knows that to be true and has written a book about idolatry, which he defines as “when I look to something that does not have God’s power to give me what only God has the power and authority to give.” According to Wilson, the “real question for any of us is: Which idol is God’s biggest rival in your life?” Even when the things we set our hearts on are good— worth, significance, acceptance, love, beauty, purpose—we end up being less than satisfied if they become ends in themselves. All of us are easily deceived about what makes for a good life. A good marriage and a good job and a good family are not enough on their own. There is more, a deep vitality that can only be experienced when we replace our false gods with the real One.
RITE OF PASSAGE: A FATHER’S BLESSING By Jim McBride Jim McBride is a very inventive and intentional guy. He learned his business ropes as a boy traveling with the carnival, and later became an executive with Coca Cola. These days he’s best known as the executive producer of films such as Courageous, Fireproof and Facing the Giants. When he became a Christian in his early 30s, he began to apply his
trademark and energy and focus to his role as a father. Along the way he discovered the deep value of rites of passage, particularly in celebrating the significant transition from childhood into adulthood. This shouldn’t happen just by accident. He developed a template for significant ritual that he observed with each of his four children, two sons and two daughters. He shares his experiences and ideas in a book that is certain to encourage many more men to take their fathering task more seriously. It’s never too late to have a time of blessing between a parent and child.
NO MATTER THE COST: IGNITING A LIFE OF STRENGTH AND HONOR By Vance Brown with John Blase No Matter the Cost is a rallying cry for men to engage unconditionally for Christ. Vance Brown sees radical Christian discipleship as the solution to the epidemic of malaise that is affecting countless men, including many in churches. “Most men are tired, often disappointed in their life circumstances, questioning their worth and feeling like they have nothing to give,” he say. Brown wants men to realize there is reason for hope even in the midst of their current situation.
It comes by getting involved in the battle to overcome evil. “The power to defeat evil is found in the body of Christ’s followers.” Victory is certain, but fraught with hardships. The obvious question, says Brown, is “will you be one of the saints used by God to finally defeat evil?” The book provides a trail for men who want to be faithful and victorious. “God is asking us to choose to come and follow Him—no matter the cost.”
THE LAZARUS LIFE: SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION FOR ORDINARY PEOPLE By Stephen W. Smith Lazarus was a friend of Jesus who died, but who was brought back to life through a profound miracle. “Where are you in this story,” asks Stephen W. Smith. We’re all there in some soul-sick way or other. So too is the prospect of restoration or renovation that the Lazarus story models. However, deep transformative change rarely comes quickly. “One of the mysteries of the spiritual life is that sometimes Jesus doesn’t come when we need Him the most.” Smith helps us realize that “the tombs of our lives—the dark places of failure and pain—are where transformation begins.” Recognizing the things that bind you and embracing the help of a loving community are key elements of the journey to a life enriched by deep-seated spiritual vitality. This is a clearly written, deeply profound response to Jesus’ invitation to “Come forth” and truly live.
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features
Nathan Hayes (Ken Bevel) hones his weapons skills as an Albany, Ga., deputy sheriff. Photo by Todd Stone
Living courageously A year later, Courageous is still scratching where men itch by Robert White When Courageous finished, instead of rushing for the exits, “the whole theatre kept sitting down for the credits,” Promise Keepers Canada president Kirk Giles recalls about the first time he saw the movie with his family. “There was dead silence, an almost reflective silence, in the room.” But Giles also heard about viewings where the whole audience clapped, or, in one case, gave a standing ovation. “I’ve heard stories of men who have never been emotionally moved by much who cried during the movie,” says Giles. “I’ve heard the story of a man watching the DVD at home who started to cry, couldn’t contain himself and had to get up and leave the room. He was so emotionally overwhelmed by what he was witnessing— how close to home it hit.” Now, nearly a year since the fourth film from Sherwood Pictures was released, and about six months since the DVD hit the shelves, the movie still challenges men to live a life of courageous faith by being the men God has called them to be.
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features
Raise the bar With production values that are raising the bar in Christian filmmaking, Sherwood Pictures followed up Fireproof, the number one independent film of 2008, with Courageous. The movie, released in the fall of 2011 tells the story of four law enforcement officers whose calling to serve and protect seemed to stop at the front door of their homes. When tragedy hits one, they struggle together to define themselves as men, fathers and spiritual leaders, realizing that being good enough wasn’t good enough. Knowing the impact the movie was going to have, Promise Keepers Canada tried to connect with the producers, while it was still being filmed, about being one of their ministry partners. “We got nowhere,” says Giles. Then, days before he left for holidays last July, Giles got a call from Crossroads Christian Communications CEO Don Simmonds about bringing Courageous to Canada and partnering with Promise Keepers. “We knew right away it was something we wanted to be a part of. It was just a matter of finalizing the details,” says Giles. “We were happy with the process and the results the movie has had in the lives of men across the country.” “Our prayer as ministry from day one was that men wouldn’t just watch the
movie and say ‘that was a good movie.’ We wanted to see men who were so profoundly impacted that their children, their wives and the people around them would look back after a year and say ‘wow he’s a different man and God’s been really, actively been shaping this man as a father and a husband’ and movie played a real big part in that.” Like the men at True North Church in Milton, Ontario where Paul LaVigne, who has seen Courageous four times, heads the men’s ministry. “It spoke deeply to me,” says the father of two daughters (five and eight years old). The transformation of the movie’s main character from a father who was disconnected to one who was very connected “pushed me over the edge. “I saw what God wanted from me as a father and husband.” Courageous and the accompanying book, The Resolution for Men, have become the core of the church’s men’s ministry, says LaVigne. Clips from the movie are shown at men’s ministry meetings to reinforce the message and accountability groups have grown. Pierced the heart “It hasn’t been a movie we’ve just watched, been impacted by and walked away from,” he says, suggesting the Courageous curriculum is one the church may revisit regularly.
Deputy Sheriff Adam Mitchell (Alex Kendrick) in a tense gun battle. Photo by Todd Stone
“It’s really pierced the heart of our church.” Courageous also pierced LaVigne’s heart, especially the scene where the daughter of one of the police officers asks her dad to dance with her in a park. Instead of courageously accepting the invitation, the father stayed in his parked pickup truck and watched as the daughter pretend to dance with him in a scene that would play a significant part later in the movie. “I’ve had some instances, call them ‘Courageous’ moments, personal moments where I had the choice of not engaging or engaging with my daughters. There was one time when my wife said ‘come dance with us, Daddy.’” Recalling that moment, LaVigne says he couldn’t put a price on the “joy she had from the small effort I made.” Because of the movie, when he has a choice to do something for himself or something for his family, he more inclined to choose family. “I don't want to miss the opportunity to dance with my daughters or my wife when they ask me to because I am too proud or too busy,” he says. Lasting impact Courageous producer and co-writer Stephen Kendrick isn’t surprised by the film’s long-lasting impact. “We’d seen God work miraculously
features
Living courageously
Promise Keepers Canada president Kirk Giles with his sons at a PK event in Toronto.
Stephen Kendrick
with Facing the Giants and Fireproof that we knew He’d do something big again,” Kendrick says. The movie has spanned the generations, he suggests as young men get “a vision, for the first time, of what manhood looks like.” And older men are getting involved in the lives of their
children and grandchildren. What has surprised Kendrick is the success of The Resolution for Men book, co-written with his brother Alex (who also co-wrote and starred in the film) and veteran writer Randy Alcorn. Created as a resource to accompany the film, the book is an unapologetic call for men to live courageously for their faith and their families. The Resolution for Men wasn’t featured in the film, unlike The Love Dare book that played a prominent role in Fireproof. “Large groups of men are going through the book and getting a new vision of what courageous fatherhood means,” says Kendrick, suggesting there’s a new caliber of men in local churches—men who look at the commands of Christ to spiritual warfare and courageous leadership. “Twenty or 30 years from now, we hope the next generation will say ‘our whole family got better the day when Dad grabbed hold of the spiritual steering wheel,’” says Kendrick. Encouraged As Giles crosses the country, he’s been encouraged by the stories he’s heard about the impact of Courageous on men.
Nathan Hayes (Ken Bevel) is convinced that being a responsible father means setting reasonable limits for daughter, Jade (Taylor Hutcherson). Photo by Todd Stone
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 16
“Men are taking their role of spiritual leadership more seriously,” says Giles. “One man I know, for the first time, now makes sure they’re doing family devotions every day. And every Sunday, after church, he sits down with his family and they debrief the sermon.” He’s also seen the domino effect the movie and subsequent studies have had on men. “If a man was moved emotionally by what he saw at the movie, the study became the environment where he began the process,” says he says. “[Fatherhood is] the one place in his life where every man would say that’s where he wants to shine. “Courageous has touched on maybe one of the greatest felt needs that any man as a father has—to be more than just good enough.”
Robert White, a freelance journalist from Guelph, Ont., has a teenaged daughter who is now embarrassed to dance with him and a 20year-old son to whom he’s trying to pass on the lessons of Courageous before he gets married this summer.
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features
Fathers and Daughters A father determines how a girl feels about herself. by Rick Johnson
What is it about a father-daughter relationship that is so powerful yet so frightening to a man? The entire time my daughter was growing up, I loved her like crazy—still do. I would have gladly thrown myself in front of a raging grizzly bear for her. But she scared the living daylights out of me, especially after she became a teenager. Her potential for selfdestruction was in direct proportion to her inability to control herself. During adolescence she seemed unable or at least unwilling to view life from any kind of logical perspective. Her actions and decisions rarely made sense to me and often frustrated me beyond endurance. After numerous challenges over the years, my daughter appears to have settled down into adulthood as a competent, confident and responsible young woman. We have what I think is a very good relationship. We see each other frequently, talk about issues in her life, and have genuine affection and love toward one another. We even speak together at a variety of father-daughter events around the country. I am going to admit right up front that I believe in the old-fashioned notion that a dad should protect his daughter. Our ministry works on a daily basis with too many women, both young and old, who carry the deep wounds from a father who either abandoned them, did not protect them from other males, or did not protect them from life’s other cruel intentions. A father should be involved in his
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 18
daughter’s life and the decisions she makes as she approaches adulthood. Many components of our society would tell you this is a chauvinistic and overbearingly paternalistic way of thinking. They would say that our young women are more liberated and free to disregard this kind of paternal and parental interference—that they are adults and have the right to make their own choices in life. But I say, “Not true.” The bane of young women today is that too many fathers have backed away into the shadows and have been “shamed” into being uninvolved in their daughters’ lives. This has been destructive to young women on many levels. A daughter is a gift from God and needs to be treasured, nurtured, and even protected by a father until another man comes along who is qualified to take over that role or until she is mature enough to take over that role herself. That’s not to say that women are not equal in every and any way with males; it is merely to say that the powerful influence of a father’s love and guidance can make the difference between living a healthy, fulfilling life versus one that is full of hopelessness and despair. Some might argue that women today do not need a man’s protection and provision. That may be true, but I would argue just as strongly that daughters do need a father’s protection until they reach a stage of maturity when they can fend for themselves.
The Power of a Father Fathers have an incredible influence (positive or negative) on nearly every aspect of their daughters’ lives. Because a daughter so yearns to secure the love of her father, she believes what her father believes about her. If he calls her stupid or incompetent, she will believe that about herself. If he labels her plainJane or worthless or inept, she will have a hard time believing anything different about herself as a woman. But if he calls her intelligent, beautiful, competent, and accomplished, then she will believe that to be true. A father determines how a girl feels about herself. Author and pediatrician Meg Meeker describes the yearning daughters have for the approval of their fathers:
… Kids Sa y
a y… Kids S
features
half two-and-a ear-old t son was s -y d e n e ld a e in g y n in to , my When m e morn Oscars up late , awoke on ile my d t of the m, can I stay rs old he a a h room wh D ye th ig a k n b s e e a o th Th to M to “ g ork. He in , w d in r r ot go ready fo wandere ter said ked he g s in a tt I e g throom n daugh Oscars? I’m n s wa ans of the ba .” Whe husband the intensity ilistine e said, “It me e h is bright! th P t watch t h a a g d li e he’s squinte at, sh ted, “The ook n b e … a m m d he in becaus meant by th n co … y husba light and I read it me to he My dau ” g up at m t! n h ti ci what s inst the arts. g n g ri g la h b n g t te r was on Then a y is no g a lo a discip ly three he’s ag been waitin d, “Dadd When our son was four, we had been lin years old continue e couch fo e moment, sh brandt a s . s and I’v A li e ft e teaching him to not use the word “stupid” m e r r c a — a t m s t n e e ugg to me o my tum use it.” her pl n the my, I sa le. As she laid when people do dumb things. As I was — heat h id e r to sometim h parking our trailer by the garage, I clipped es seem her, “Daddy m ead on ay to is really the eave and did some minor damage. a marsh ugh on the outs m id a Withou My son covered his mouth with his hand t skippin llow on the ins e, but he ide.” g a bea rather la t, she p and asked his mom, “Is that a little rge gut a tt e d my and sa marshm bit stupid?” allow on id, “Dad, you’r e the outs — peter mcmanus ide too!” a — wern er pete rs
Kids Sa y
And I have watched daughters talk to their fathers. When you come in the room, they change. Everything about them changes: their eyes, their mouths, their gestures, their body language. Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers. They might take their mothers for granted, but not you. They light up—or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration—or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even a simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help. Fathers have a huge impact on the intellectual, emotional and physical development of their daughters as well. Toddlers with father attachments have better problem-solving skills. Girls with close father relationships achieve higher academic success. As a girl gets older, fatherconnectedness is the number one factor in delaying and preventing her from engaging in premarital sex and drug and alcohol abuse. Girls with involved fathers are more assertive and have higher selfesteem. And girls with involved fathers also have higher quantitative and verbal skills and higher intellectual functioning. As a man and a father I’m pretty sure I did not recognize the power I had in my daughter’s life. Yes, I probably knew on some level that I was important. But I never knew how important my approval and love at such a visceral level were to
my daughter. If I had, I would have been much more intentional in the way I spoke to her and more aware of the messages I was really speaking into her heart. In fact, guys, if you want to understand your wife better, I suggest you look at the relationship she has or had with her father. You can tell the endearment that women hold for their fathers merely by how they address them. For most women, her father is the most important male in her life. Girls usually stop calling their mothers “Mommy” sometime around the age of eight or nine. But many grown women still call their fathers “Daddy.” A Father’s Words A father’s spoken or written words contain great power. A man’s hurtful spoken words can cripple his child’s soul for life. Many women cherish notes or other blessings they’ve received from their fathers. Sometimes these words seem inconsequential to us and yet are treasures to our daughters. One woman spoke of a paper-coated clothes hanger that was her most cherished possession. Her father had written “I love you” on it when she was a little girl. She carried it with her all through college and into her marriage. Elderly people have told me their only regret in life was that they never heard their father say “I’m proud of you” or “I love you.” Most important is for you to make sure your daughter knows you love her.
Kids Sa y
Because females are more verbally oriented than males, they place a higher value on words than the average male does. Consequently, a daughter has a powerful need to hear her worth from the important men in her life. She derives her self-esteem and value from what her father speaks into her heart. God has placed within a daughter’s heart the inherent desire, even need, to love and respect her father. Even people who have been abused or abandoned by their fathers still want to love and respect them. This is a huge power that as fathers and men we need to recognize and treat with respect.
Rick Johnson is a best-selling author and speaker who believes that families, communities and our society will be stronger when parents realize their unique power and influence in the lives of their sons and daughters. This article is adapted from That’s My Girl: How a Father’s Love Protects and Empowers His Daughter (Revell, 2012). Discover more at betterdads.net
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 19
features
Wrestling with God A son’s suicide tests his father’s faith
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 20
features
by Thomas V. Chan
Today is a particularly dreary and windy Sunday in April. I am driving home from an awesome worship service where God was proclaimed as the risen Lord who wants to come in and reconstruct our broken lives—particularly mine. As I listen to the hauntingly beautiful music our eldest son composed, I feel drawn to reconnect in a tangible way with our 25-year-old son, Mikael, who took his life two-and-a-half years ago. I drive to the park where an oak tree was planted in honour of his memory, and then to the plot where his ashes are buried. The oak tree still looks bare, scrawny and dead. I don’t think it’s grown an inch since we planted it soon after Mikael died. I immediately draw a parallel between that young, slow-growing oak and the enormity of my grief which continues to be raw and fresh. I still feel hopeless, pitiful. Since our tragic loss, there hasn’t been a day when I stopped thinking about our son and lamenting his untimely death. Since the day Mikael left this world, the sun hasn’t shone for me. I have lost my joy and passion in most things I once enjoyed. I merely exist in a monochromatic sepia world drained of living colour. I find the present difficult to bear and fear what other pain the future might bring. I am changed. I am no longer who I was. This persistent self-diagnosis frightens me. I had a close relationship with Mikael, as I do with our other three sons. But, Mikael tugged at my heart in a special way. Debbie, my wife, and I became shockingly aware of the severity of our son’s mental illness a year earlier after his first attempt to take his own life failed. He spent several weeks in a psych ward while we made arrangements to move him back home with us.
Mixed memories During the months before his death, Mikael and I did many things together. We went on canoe and hiking trips in a provincial park. On hot summer days, our neighbours would see the pair of us sitting on the front lawn, reading and enjoying a cold drink between us. On school days, I drove him to the university before going to work. We talked. He confided in me about his spiritual struggle as he walked through his “dark night of the soul.” I encouraged him to take life’s struggle one day at a time. These precious reminiscences of my son play and replay like a slide show in my mind. I miss him desperately each day. Ironically, even the happy memories grieve me deeply because they are merely memories of the past, not life in the living. But, what really hurts is my regret that during the children’s formative years I chose to pour my time, attention and energy into my work instead of into my family. Yes. Many regrets! Yet many happy memories! I wonder if my life, at its conclusion, will be reduced to a series of memories, both happy and unhappy. My tussle with God about why Mikael died continues daily. My mental wrestling and hoarse laments are—ultimately—my own deep-seated struggle with my own faith in a loving Father-Creator-RedeemerGod. Not long after Mikael died, as I once again put my daily question to God— “Lord, where is my son?”—both God and Mikael responded in unequivocal blackand-white. I was using Mikael’s Bible, reading 1 Thessalonians 4:13-17, where Paul shares his belief about those who die in the Lord. In his inimitable tiny hand-writing, Mikael had written beside the verses in the margin: “Dead will go to heaven before living.”
Cool! Very cool! Since Mikael died I’ve been writing laments about my son. As I read and reread what I’ve written, I’m beginning to notice a tentative rising of living hope out of the ashes of grief. I see it especially in a couple of stanza of the one I’ve entitled, “Tears are not enough.” In the midst of my loss Unimaginable pain Unfathomable grief I behold your radiant countenance Smiling broadly into His. I smile and shudder To ever doubt that His grace is more than enough For here, now, and eternity.
Is that not sufficient for me for now? This pilgrim is making progress.
Thomas V. Chan is the father of four grown-up boys. He worships with his wife at Winnipeg Centre Vineyard Church. He is a columnist with ChristianWeek. He is an elementary school principal who loves writing and paints in watercolour.
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 21
features
Remembering Rollin
You want people like him to live forever
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features
by Doug Koop
DOING
always good.” That rang true. But others did have more to say about the mischievous one-liners Rollin was famous for. “Oh how I suffer when I think of how I suffer,” he would say with wry wisdom. And one January when he was asked if had made any resolutions for the year ahead, he observed how “New Year resolutions are best made toward the end of the year.” A man who once worked for Rollin remarked how the boss-who-became-hisfriend would charge him with a task, give instructions and trust they would be completed in a timely fashion. “He had more confidence in me and my abilities than I had in myself,” he said. This was typical. Rollin was described as gentle, compassionate, humble, humorous,
BEING
and more years on earth, Rollin was a mentor and friend to many, an encourager and equipper. He was a safe man to be with. As mourners slipped solemnly into their places in the pews, organ music filled the sanctuary with old hymns— songs of trusting and resting, of assurance and hope. Eventually the family filed to the front and the service began with words of comfort and a posture of prayer. It was fitting. The man we came to honour was remembered as a true hero, one of the godly in the land (Psalm 16:3), a man now at peace in “the fullness of the joy of the presence of God.” One of his daughters sang beautifully about a man who didn’t speak much, but “through the things he never said, he was
KNOWING
The body in the coffin resembled the man who’d crossed my path at various stages of my life. But they’d made him look artificial—somehow plastic. The real Rollin was gone. “I know you anyhow,” I muttered under my breath in a brief moment beside his casket. “At least I knew you. You were a man who cared, who had a way of seeing and affirming the potential in people. You trusted people like me who weren’t particularly trustworthy, and in so doing were part of my progress into better ways.” If I thought those were private thoughts, I was mistaken. Some 500 people gathered at the funeral, and testimony after testimony from generations of family and friends affirmed the same basic qualities. In his fourscore
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seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 23
features
Remembering Rollin godly, adventurous and un-condemning. His nine grandchildren highlighted his open-mindedness, unconditional love, desire to serve and encourage. The man we were remembering had a unique ability to know his own mind, to be able to share it without casting aspersions on those who would disagree, to be respectful and non-judgmental. He took care of his own responsibilities, and was able to leave aside the burdens that weren’t rightly his to carry. Rollin was a builder by trade and a builder of relationships by avocation. Someone described his marriage as a 65-
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 24
year honeymoon, a relationship in which both partners understood their roles and were comfortable within them. “I’m the boss and she’s the manager,” he would often say. Their differing temperaments presented fewer problems than they might have because they kept short accounts with each other, knew how to say “I’m sorry” and acknowledged their dependency on each other. Once when he was winding up a coffee and conversation with a younger man he mentored, Rollin said: “We better talk about our wives, just in case they ask.”
Rollin’s pastor said that the foundation of this builder’s life was his faith in “God and His word.” Although his release from chronic and acute pain and the suffering of his last days came as something of a release, a young girl put it well when she said: “You just want people like him to live forever.” Yes, indeed. The world could do with more people like Rollin.
Doug Koop is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer and the managing editor of SEVEN.
sports scene
features
Just one point at a time
Volleyball setter Josh Howatson isn’t sweating the small stuff by Scott Taylor His Christian Faith has taught the very well-adjusted Josh Howatson many things. And when it comes to the sport he plays for a living, it has taught him one particularly important lesson— don’t sweat the small stuff. “I have a very nice life and I enjoy what I do, but it’s not perfect all the time,” said the setter for Canada’s National Volleyball Team. “My faith has given me a very good perspective on the game I play. In all sports, you are called to do whatever you do at 100 per cent of your abilities all the time. “But faith has taught me to play each point for what it is—one point. A volleyball match has hundreds of points, so through my training and our matches, my faith has taught me to treat each point as exactly what it is: One point. “I’ve learned to focus only on the point at hand. I don’t worry about the last point or the next one or what might happen two games from now. I give everything I have to that one point. If we get the point, well that was the purpose; if we don’t, then I forget about it and focus on the next point. “Faith has given me a good perspective on what I do. My career as a volleyball player is not going to last forever. But now, I don’t carry around the weight of losing one point, nor do I celebrate when we get the point. There will be lots of points and besides, there are other, more important things than playing volleyball.” Those are the words of a professional athlete, a young man who grew up at Lambrick Park Community Church in Victoria and went on to drop out of chemistry and physics in order to study Christianity and Culture (“Theology with a lot of history thrown in”) at Trinity Western University in Langley, B.C. He’ll be the first to admit that all
professional athletes have an ego, but he’s so calm and, ahh ... well-adjusted ... that he learned long ago that he wouldn’t allow his ego to accompany him onto the court. At 27, he plays professionally in Paris (there are no pro volleyball leagues in North America) but he is also a key member of the 19th-ranked national team in the world, Team Canada. As a potential Olympian, London 2012 was largely a pipe dream, but it’s his faith that kept his near-impossible dream alive into May. “Volleyball is one of the most difficult Olympic sports to earn a spot,” he explained before the May 7-12 qualifying tournament. “There are only 12 spots and England gets the host spot so that cuts it to 11. Brazil, Russia and Poland have all earned places in the London Games, so that leaves us with one chance. “It’s almost an impossible task. We have to beat the United States (No. 4 in the world) and Cuba (No. 5), but volleyball is one of those sports where, if things start going right, you can win when you aren’t expected to win. We’ve beaten Serbia and Cuba this year and they are both ranked in the Top 5 in the world, so our task at the qualifying tournament in Los Angeles is not entirely impossible.” Hillsong in Paris Howatson plays professionally in Paris, a city he has embraced as much for its beauty and history as he has for the fact that he found a wonderful, comfortable church. “I played for three years in Spain and it was great, but we didn’t have a church and that was hard on my spiritual life,” he recalls. “Last year, I played in Turkey and there was nothing. It was very hard. “But this past year, my wife and I found Hillsong Paris, a great church that has
given us a place where even though we’re away from family and friends, there are people around us who provide us with a great base for prayer. “It’s so fantastic that we are co-leading a home church with another couple we’ve become friends with. I play most of my games on Saturday night, but we travel by train and we can play anywhere in France and be back in Paris on the same night. That means I don’t miss Sunday service. “I grew up in Victoria and went to school at Trinity Western. Right now, however, I call Hillsong Paris our home church. After the Olympics, we both look forward to getting back there.”
It’s often hard for international athletes to find a home. Josh Howatson is one of the fortunate ones, although by his own admission, he’s never really been afraid to let his faith guide him on the court. With that, he’s never alone in the heat of the battle. No wonder he’s so well adjusted. Scott Taylor is a Winnipeg-based sportswriter and broadcaster.
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 25
money matters
Father knows best Fathers are on a never-ending journey to guide those entrusted to them. by Dave Smart
Between 1954 and 1963, the television program Father Knows Best was a family favourite. The “father,” played by actor Robert Young, was portrayed as a responsible parent who loved his wife and kids. He was a father who would do a paper route in the pouring rain because his son was sick, and would choose to see his daughter in the school play rather than attend an important Chamber of Commerce dinner. His family came first, but the entire process was a delicate balancing act— just as it is today for all fathers. Whether you had a father that knows what is best or not, you may still embark on a journey to be the kind of father that really does love and lead his family well. You will have the greatest impact by taking time to show your family how you are living by the Christian principles they need to apply in their lives. Matthew 6:32 tells believers not to worry because we have a Heavenly Father who knows what we need. Whether or not your earthly father taught you about money and how to manage it, your Heavenly Father knows best and He wants you to be equipped with the tools that you need to succeed in every area of your life. Your Heavenly Father has blessed you with many resources. Below are some ways for you to spend, save and share. Spend • Plan ahead for the unexpected events where you may need to spend money. Start with saving a $1,000 emergency fund. Then increase it to ensure that you have three to six months of family living expenses on hand.
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• Spend your insurance dollars wisely. Do a professional review of your car, home, life, disability and critical illness insurance at least once every 3-5 years to ensure your coverage and amounts are still relevant—especially if you have had changes in your life that could affect your insurance needs. • Buy a good used car. Buying last year’s model (or one two or three years old) will save you a lot of money. Generally, it will still be reliable and may still have some manufacturers’ warranty remaining. Just imagine how long a good used vehicle with only 19,000 kms on the odometer could last. • Spend time asking for advice and feedback. You don’t have to learn everything yourself. Find trusted advisors and ask questions. Watch financial shows and read relevant magazines, books and articles. Pray for guidance and make your own decisions. “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance” (Proverbs 1:5). Save • Being debt-free takes the pressure off and allows you to save each month. There is a tremendous sense of freedom that comes with being debtfree. You feel less at the mercy of outside influences like stock markets, interest rates and the pressure to make bill payments by specified dates. • Use a Tax-Free Savings Account (TFSA) to save for the future. Remember that all the growth earned inside this plan is tax-free. It can be used as a flexible place for saving and investing and you can make withdrawals at any time (subject to the limits of your particular investment).
• Save for Retirement now. You can start your first RRSP with a monthly deposit of just $25 and increase as you can afford. If you have already started, increase that monthly deposit. Plan to leave this money invested until retirement. Share • Make giving a part of your monthly budget. Consider your church and various charities. Every little bit helps to build a better world for someone else. “Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord your God which He has given you” (Deuteronomy 16:17). • We all have talents to discover and share. Use them to bless others every chance you get. Remember that you are unique, bringing your own experience and expertise. • Share your time. Volunteer in your community or with your child’s sports team. Share a few extra minutes at the dinner table to talk about biblical principles and world events with your family. Stay a few minutes after church. As a father, you are on a never-ending journey to guide those who have been entrusted to you—spending, saving and sharing what God has given you. “Now, a person who is put in charge as a manager must be faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2). This Father’s Day, take the necessary steps to become a faithful manager, showing your family that father knows best because he is trusting in his Heavenly Father! Dave Smart is a Sales Manager with FaithLife Financial. www.faithlifefinancial.com
Out of my depth
Fathers live to lose Fatherhood is a great and glorious mystery by Phil Wagler
I love when my two-year-old sits on my lap with a book. I love seeing his eyes light up when he sees me walk in the door. I love the way he cries. I love the way he laughs and the way I smirk as he mispronounces words in ways I never want him to outgrow. He hangs sentences together hilariously—like underwear, ripped work clothes and name-brand golf shirts dangling mismatched on a wash-line. He reminds me of how much fun it is to be a father. Then there’s my pre-teen (or almostteen), whatever you want to call him. There are days I think of other things to describe him—things that ought not be penned; things my parents probably uttered about me in my most tortured adolescent moments. And when I look at my two girls I wonder how I will ever figure them out. Young females are their own planet; or at least make me feel like I’m on a different one. Sometimes I feel that being a father, it seems, is mostly about being perplexed. Then I call this to mind: my toddler won’t always toddle, my pre-teen won’t always pretend and my girls won’t always speak Klingon. Change is guaranteed. I am now beginning to understand that my role as a father is to be a change agent. I must accept change, celebrate change and foster change. I must accept that my two-year-old cannot always speak like a child, but must put childish ways behind him. I must accept that my adolescent’s changes are mostly normal and expected
in that season of life when discovering your own identity is the destination. I must accept that my girls will change me. They will change how I perceive my own manhood and awaken a fighter in me for their honour in new ways. I celebrate these morphing realities and in doing so I begin to accept my own changing place and, to a certain degree, my own redundancy. And therein lays a disconcerting thought. Not only must I accept and celebrate change, I must foster it. And, if I’m any good at it, I will actually put myself out of work. My toddler will become responsible for his own messes. My pre-teen will become a man who can correct himself. My girls will walk out of my arms and find their most important strength in the embrace of another, hopefully better, man. If I do all this right I will have become increasingly unnecessary. Fatherhood means accepting, celebrating and fostering changes that take me out of the center and paint me into the background of the picture. This isn’t a particularly encouraging notion, but if I lose myself in this way I will win. In a small but important way, fatherhood is a journey toward understanding the unchanging heart of God. The story of Christmas is of God sending his Son into the world. The birth was announced by angels and declared in the heavens by a star beaming its rays earthward like the glowing end of a proud father’s cigar. But the story of Easter shows God
turning from his Son. The Son cries out to be saved, but this cannot happen. Has something changed in the relationship? Has God now become a bully? No, this is the essence of undying, uncompromising, unchanging love. The Father knows what must be done and that the ultimate act of love required his own apparent demise. God accepts change, celebrates change with the power of resurrection and thereby fosters change in me and, I pray, in my kids. The truth is that God’s unchanging nature challenges everything I want left unchanged—and that is our great hope. “I the LORD do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed,” declares the prophet Malachi. However, those comforting words in Malachi 3 are preceded by an unsettling challenge: He will come as a refiner among his children and as a prosecuting lawyer call out everything in us that needs modification. He will foster change. He will expect it. And, he will accomplish this by being unrelenting, unchanging and pure in his love to the point where he will even appear to lose the battle of Good Friday only to overcome in order that we might be changed and not destroyed. Lose to win. Change by unchanging. Love by long-suffering. This fatherhood thing is a great and glorious mystery.
Phil Wagler, along with his beautiful bride, is a father of five and serves as a pastor in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia.
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 27
power play
Great games. Great toys. Great gadgets. Reviews by Sandy McMurray
CAMERA ANYWHERE
PAPER FOR IPAD
dropcam.com
fiftythree.com
Dropcam is an easy-to-use wireless camera that keeps an eye on things while you’re away. Plug it in, then connect to any Wi-Fi wireless network and you’re ready to go. You can use Dropcam as a baby monitor or security camera, or to watch your dog or cat tear up the house while you’re at work. The night vision feature provides a clear image, even in low light. Dropcam also detects sound and motion, and can be programmed to send alerts when something unexpected happens. Dropcam sells for about $150. If you want to save the recorded video on the Internet, you can buy an optional video storage plan for about $10 per month.
Paper is a new app for iPad that makes it easy to turn ideas into sketches, diagrams, illustrations, notes and drawings you can share. Designed for the touch screen of the iPad, Paper has no buttons or fancy controls. Everything is done by touching or drawing on the screen. Paper is a free app with one free creation tool: Drawing. Other tools (Sketch, Write, Outline and Colour) are available for $1.99 each as in-app purchases. The pages you create are stored in the app in notebooks, and you can add new pages and notebooks as needed. Paper also has sharing tools that make it easy to send your creations by email or on Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr.
AUTOMATIC LAWN MOWER lawnbott.com
For generations, lazy men have dreamed of having a lawn that cuts itself. Now, thanks to technology, that dream is a reality. The LB1500 SpyderEVO is a fully automatic lawn-mowing robot from LawnBott, a US
subsidiary of Japan’s Kyodo. The SpyderEVO uses perimeter wire technology to detect the boundaries of your lawn. As it moves forward, onboard bump sensors tell it when to go around trees and other obstacles. Four-wheel drive helps it to navigate most terrain, including inclines of up to 27 degrees. The SpyderEVO is designed for midsize yards (up to 10,000 square feet). It weighs just 24 pounds, and cuts for up to 3.5 hours on a single charge of its rechargeable battery. If you buy the optional docking station, the SpyderEVO will toddle back to its dock and recharge automatically when needed. How much for this modern miracle? The LB1500 SpyderEVO retails for about $1,800. If you don’t have that much green, don’t despair. You can hire a teenager until robots cost less.
LAY-N-GO PLAY MAT layngo.com
Lego sets, building blocks and other toys are fun to play with but they can also take over a room. Cleanup can be a chore, and you need a place to store them when you’re not playing. Lay-n-Go offers a clever solution to this problem. It’s an activity mat that doubles as a storage bag. When playtime is over, just pull the drawstring to gather everything into a handy bag you pick up and carry. Lay-n-Go comes in two sizes (5’ and 18” diameter) that make it easy to pick up your toys and take them with you.
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 28
power play
TIE NOT tie-not.com
ROCKSTAR SPLITTER belkin.com
RockStar is a simple accessory that lets you share music with as many as five friends at once. Connect your iPod or music player to RockStar’s input then add up to five sets of headphones and start playing. If you have two sound sources, you can unplug one set of headphones and add another iPod or music player and play DJ by mixing the sounds together. RockStar works with all MP3 and DVD players, as well as other portable media devices. It has five jacks for attaching headphones and one hard-wired connection for your music player.
Water balloons are fun on hot summer days, but it’s always a lot of work to stockpile the ammunition. Filling and tying water balloons can seem like a lot of work with little reward, and little kids often can’t do it by themselves. Here’s how it works with a Tie Not tool: 1. Fill balloon and loop over the top. 2. Slide end of balloon through slot. 3. Pull tool and balloon in opposite directions. Tie Not is a simple tool that makes it easy to fill and tie water balloons. Get one so you can spend more time playing and less time at the tap.
shows you how to make a simple set of wooden tracks to hold a set of standard storage containers. Once the sturdy tracks are in place, you can fill and label your tote boxes, then slide them into place on the ceiling for long-term storage. It’s a great storage solution for seasonal items like winter clothes and Christmas decorations. Sandy McMurray writes about toys, gadgets, and games at techstuff.ca
TOTES THAT FLOAT familyhandyman.com
Have you ever wished you had more storage space in your garage or basement? Try storing your stuff up high instead of stacking it on the floor! This Do It Yourself project from Family Handyman
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 29
What women want
What makes a dad great? The primary task of any great dad is to love his wife by Sheila Wray Gregoire
With Father’s Day upon us, it is time for that annual tradition when Christians everywhere gather together to talk about men’s many parental failures. “Shape up, men!” churches collectively shout. And we stress daddydaughter dates, coaching Little League and taking the kids to the park. We admonish dads to be more involved, to understand their kids’ love languages, to change diapers and bond and even play Barbies. If I were a man, I think I’d prefer Mother’s Day. All you have to do is come up with flowers and chocolates and a hand-drawn card from the kids, and you’re good to go. No one can be a perfect dad, and perhaps we put too much emphasis on all the perfect-dad-activities and forget the vast benefits that dads can give to a family simply by showing up. By sitting at the dinner table, by saying grace, by attending a softball game, by tucking in a child good night, by supplying the paycheque that lets the family stay put, you make a tremendous difference. You give stability. The common critique against dads is that they put other things before their kids—and by other things, people usually mean video games or work or sports or hobbies. With women, the problem is often inverted. I’ve recently been involved in some nasty spats on my blog because I suggested that it wasn’t good for a marriage for women to let older babies and toddlers sleep in bed with their parents indefinitely, because that can wreck the parents’ sex lives. Many women took real offense. They’re moms now, and the men should realize that sacrifice is necessary!
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 30
But sacrificing your marriage for the sake of the kids is awfully shortsighted, because the best thing you can do for your kids is to have a great marriage. Children’s number one need is for that secure foundation. Kids learn about God’s goodness, about commitment, about love and sexuality from their parents’ marriage. When the marriage is healthy, somehow everything else fits into place. While I’ve been preaching this lesson for years, lately it struck home when I realized how much I had bungled my own priorities. It occurred during those turbulent puberty years at our home. Teenage girls and their fathers don’t always mix well, and this oil-and-water phenomenon was raging under our roof. I felt my husband wasn’t showing enough sympathy to our daughter as she entered her insecure, hormonal years. He, on the other hand, felt that said daughter was becoming a tad manipulative. Watching my baby feel misunderstood broke my heart, and so after conflicts with her dad, I would tiptoe into her bedroom, hug her, and tell her that her daddy loved her, he just had a funny way of showing it. As their relationship worsened, I started to realize that I had an awfully funny way of showing my daughter that I loved her, too. My method of choice was to ruin her relationship with her father. After God gave me a kick you-knowwhere, I realized that what Rebecca needed most was not to be perfectly understood and accepted by her parents; it was to have the stability of two parents who would always be there together. After all, many of us grew up with parents who were too harsh, or too lax, or too sarcastic.
Some of us even had parents who deeply wounded us. But those of us who tend to bear the biggest scars are those whose parents divorced. In the end, stability matters more to a child than just about anything else. When children know their moms and dads are always going to be there, then they don’t have to worry about their security. They’re free to play and explore and just be kids. When mom and dad split up, though, suddenly kids lose their bearings. Who is going to look after them? Where will they live? What are the rules, if I’m always shuffling back and forth? Now Keith and I were in no danger of divorcing, though sleeping in the guest room occasionally wasn’t out of the question (especially if he snored too much). But we also weren’t presenting a united front. I was putting Rebecca before my husband, and as much as kids may play parents against one other, they don’t really like winning. It’s like an actor working hard to land a role only to realize they are now the lifetime spokesperson for hemorrhoid cream. It seems exciting at the time, but the end result is more than just a pain in the butt. So I sat down with Rebecca and apologized for fuelling her resentment of her dad. And once I got out of their way, they had a good talk and things greatly improved. On this Father’s Day, you’ll likely hear sermons about caring for your kids’ hearts and providing leadership. These things are all important. But let’s not forget the most important: love your wife. That’s the primary task of any great dad. Sheila’s new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, is in bookstores now! Find Sheila at http://facebook.com/sheila.gregoire.books
This is the place where Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount. Fed the 5,000 a feast with five loaves and two fish. This is the Sea of Galilee, and until you’ve walked here, you’ve never really known what it means to literally walk in His footsteps. No place will bring you and your family closer to Him.
Come see for yourself.
seven – issue twenty-five july – august, 2012 page 31
For information go to goisrael.com or evangelicalisraelexperience.com
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