SEVEN - Issue 42 (May/June 2015)

SEVEN PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA

MEN / GOD / LIFE

LIFE’S GREATEST CALLING A CELEBRATION OF FATHERHOOD

GREATER THAN GOOD DIVING DEEPER FOR DIVINE DADS

MEN OF CANADA: STEP UP NOW AN UPDATE ON THE FATHERLESS PROJECT

MAY / JUN 2015 ISSUE 42 NEWSSTAND PRICE CDN $4.95

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SPECIAL EDITION

FATHER’S DAY ISSUE

2 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

CONTENTS

14

COLUMNS 6 // PK Podium Celebrating Fathers 32 // The Single Life Honour Thy Father, Be A Role Model 30 // Sports Scene Playing for a Crowd of One

FEATURES 14 THE GOOD TO GREAT FATHER Fatherhood is changing—gone are the days of the absentee provider and dedicated disciplinarian. Instead, dads are embracing the roles of caregiver and gentle nurturer.

But what’s the difference between being a godly dad and just a good one?

18 HOPE FOR THE FATHERLESS More than a year ago, Promise Keepers Canada launched The Fatherless Project, a mentorship initiative vowing to provide positive role models for youth in need. While much work remains, hope is on the horizon for many atrisk youngsters.

18

DEPARTMENTS 8 // The Pulse Bits. Blips. Beats. Blurbs.

12 // Music Reviews Worship and Wanderings 34 // Power Play Toys. Tools. Technology.

22 BE F.A.I.R. TO YOUR GROWN-UP KIDS While you’ll more often hear about the challenges of dirty diapers and the terrible twos, being a parent to grown-up children can present its own set of obstacles and bumps in the road. Bill Farrel shares some advice for how older dads can remain effective.

26 OBSERVATIONS OF A FIRST-TIME FATHER

22

Not to leave any new dads behind, SEVEN editor Rob Horsley shares his perspective as a new proud papa.

While embarking on the adventure of fatherhood can be terrifying, it’s also a chance to decide, “Just what kind of dad am I going to be?”

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 3

ON THE COVER

SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.

LIFE’S GREATEST CALLING This issue, it’s all about Dad. From fresh-faced rookies to grizzled veterans, we’re celebrating fathers in all areas of life, as well as providing an update on how Promise Keepers Canada is making a difference in the lives of youth across our country.

The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada.

1 // A promise keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and obedience to God’s Word in the power of the Spirit.

2 // A promise keeper is committed to pursuing Christ-centred friendships with a few other men, connecting regularly, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.

3 // A promise keeper is committed to practicing biblical integrity: spiritually, morally, ethically and sexually.

4 // A promise keeper is committed to strengthening families and marriages through love, honour, protection, and biblical values.

5 // A promise keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.

6 // A promise keeper is committed to reaching beyond racial, social, economic, generational, and denominational barriers to demonstrate that power of biblical unity.

7 // A promise keeper is committed to influencing the world by his fervent love for God while loving his neighbour, seeking justice for the poor and oppressed, and making disciples of Jesus Christ.

Publisher PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA

EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD

EDITORIAL

PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA

Editorial Director JEFF STEARNS

KIRK GILES

Questions and comments

Box 20099 RPO Brant Hills

Managing Editor ROB HORSLEY

Promise Keepers Canada

regarding editorial can be sent

Burlington, ON L7P 0A4

to rhorsley@promisekeepers.ca,

(905) 331-1830 info@promisekeepers.ca

ADVERTISING

JEFF STEARNS

or mailed to Promise Keepers

RICK VERKERK

Promise Keepers Canada

Canada at the address provided.

rick@promisekeepers.ca 1-888-901-9700

MATT BREIMER

Postmaster, please send DESIGN

address changes to:

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ISSN 1916-8403

Promise Keepers Canada

The PK Canada logo features a maple leaf, indicating our dedication to serve the men of Canada.

An arrow breaks into the maple leaf symbolizing the impact we believe God wants to see Promise Keepers and men making in our nation. A special thank-you to all the pastors who continually encourage us to communicate God’s truth with grace and love.

4 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

podcasts It’s now easier than ever to listen to the latest messages from Promise Keepers Canada! With just a few clicks, you can listen wherever you are. Get exclusive access to interviews and inspiring messages with:

Max Lucado John and Sam Eldredge Gary Thomas The Skit Guys Donald Miller and many others! promisekeepers.ca/podcasts

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 5

PK PODIUM

CELEBRATING FATHERS

A SACRED CALLING

BY KIRK GILES

W

hen was the last time you saw a professional athlete say, “Hi, Dad” when the camera zooms in after he made a big play?

Dads are not often celebrated in our culture. For too many people in Canada, it’s difficult to celebrate a dad you don’t know, or a dad who abandoned you. I have sat in meetings with local churches where I have been told that they have to ignore Father’s Day because the children and youth they serve primarily come from homes where the father is absent, and Father’s Day is simply too painful for them.

Many men have earned the response of being ignored or rejected by their children.

But there are far more men who deserve to be respected and celebrated. Just because there are men who have made mistakes in their lives, we can still celebrate the great dads we know in ours.

I am grateful for a father who may not be perfect, but who has always deeply loved me. There have been times when he put off doing work to spend time with me, and times when he invited me to join with him in serving Jesus. He prays for me, and he believes in me. Most importantly, he reminds me to focus my life on Jesus.

Look around you. Take an honest look at the lives of the men you know. I am grateful to be surrounded by Godly fathers. I know men who pray with their children every night—men who read the Bible to their kids, play with them, cry with them, teach them, defend them, and serve Jesus with them.

I have seen men bring their sons to Promise Keepers Canada events just because they want their sons to be in the company of men worshiping and growing in Jesus. I have watched fathers embracing their sons as they put their faith in Jesus and became sons of God. Fatherhood is one of the greatest privileges a man can have. It is our opportunity to reflect the heart of God the Father to our kids.

Being a father is a gift, a sacred trust from God. This Father’s Day, let’s do more than buy a card or a tie. Let’s celebrate the Godly Fathers that are all around us. These men are to be honoured, encouraged, and thanked for reflecting the heart of God the Father, and for showing us what a godly man is like.

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KIRK GILES is the president of Promise Keepers Canada.

However, his most important roles as a man are husband to Shannon and father to Carter, Joshua, Sydney and Samuel.

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beasponsor@promisekeepers.ca MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 7

THE PULSE

BITS / BLIPS / BEATS / BLURBS

FATHERS FOR LIFE

FROM THE EDITOR

BY ROB HORSLEY

8 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

EDITOR’S DESK / Growing up, I never saw the big deal with Father’s Day. Oh sure, it was always nice to get dad a new tie, maybe take him for a round of golf or out to the ball game, but I’ve always been perplexed as to why we only set aside one measly day a year to do something nice for these guys. After all, didn’t my dad deserve so much more?

From teaching me how to skate, to being the best tee-ball coach a kid could ask for, to driving me home after two failed driver’s tests, my dad was always an encouragement. He was always the guy to applaud me for saying no to money and yes to Jesus, when at various points it seemed like I’d have to choose one or the other. And for many years I couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty that we didn’t do more for the guy, especially considering how much he did for us, not to mention how hard he worked just to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. It seemed strange to me that one day a year was all the thanks we could muster for a guy who did so much and asked so little.

But then last August I became a dad myself. And now it makes a whole lot more sense.

It almost sounds cliché to say, but it’s true that when you become a parent, your entire perspective changes. Suddenly, all those chores and thankless jobs I saw my dad doing over the years started to look less

like jobs and more like privileges. Suddenly those dirty diapers and loss of personal time don’t seem like losses at all—they’re the best thing a guy could be asked to do.

Sure, there are moments of frustration, impatience and so, so much fatigue, but it’s never felt like just a job.

I’ve been extremely blessed in my life to be surrounded by great dads. Years after being born to one of the best dads I guy could ask for, I inherited another one through my wife. A lot of jokes have been made about the relationships people have with their in-laws, but for me those stereotypes have never been the case. For all the jokes that get made about fathers needing to be overprotective with their little girls, I can’t say I’ve felt anything but welcome by my second dad.

As men, we’re often prone to associate the word calling to what we do for a living.

But being a father, even for just a few months, has made me re-evaluate just what my calling in life is. That’s why this Father’s Day, I’m not thinking about being appreciated by my daughter, my wife, or my extended family and circle of friends. Instead, I’m appreciating the privilege of getting to be Charlotte’s dad, and this one day a year is a great reminder of how great it really is, and how blessed I am to be able to do it. / RH

ODDS AND ENDS UK MAN FAILS TO SELL HIS HONEYMOON EBAY

WHY DO WE PICK ON FLORIDA SO MUCH, ANYWAY?

DONISTHORPE, UK / A man whose fiancée “dumped him over Christmas” recently attempted to auction off a spot on his honeymoon vacation over the popular online auction eBay, reported the BBC. According to an earlier article from The Daily Telegraph’s website, John Whitbread from Donisthorpe, Leicesterhire offered a spot worth £1,950 on his non-refundable trip to the Dominican Republic to one female companion after his wife-to-be got cold feet with only six weeks to go before the wedding.

“I was gutted when she said she didn’t want to get married but I realized I couldn’t mope forever,” said Whitbread. “I didn’t want what I’d already paid to the holiday to go to waste.

Unfortunately for “Jilted John” the auction proved fruitless as not one but two bidders failed to turn up their bids of £8,000 and £7,900 respectively. The trip was eventually given away as part of a raffle draw, with one lucky lady having her name drawn from a hat. Tickets were sold for £10 each, with proceeds going to a UKbased charity.

While some women might find the prospect of going on a honeymoon vacation with a male stranger a bit odd, reports seem to indicate that Whitbread isn’t expecting any more-than-platonic companionship and is merely hoping to make the best of a poor situation.

“I’m not looking for anything apart from a fun holiday. If the girl is sporty and wants to do some scuba diving with me that would be great too.

“I think it will be good for me to get away.

I’m just looking for a new friend who fancies a holiday with someone fun,” Whitbread told The Telegraph.

FLORIDA / If you’re a regular reader of The Pulse, you’ve probably picked up that we have a soft spot for the weird and wacky. Weird news is fascinating to us, and sometimes it’s just fun to digress for a bit before we get to the real meat of what we try to do with SEVEN. And if you’re a keen observer, you may have also noticed that a lot of our weird news comes from the great state of Florida, to which you might be wondering, “Are people really weirder in Florida?” And if so, why? Is it the heat? The history? The hodgepodge of people living within its borders?

While each one of these things might play some part in why Florida gives us such a disproportionate amount of the strange and silly, the more likely reason is due to the system of records kept within the state.

According to a report from Slate online magazine, the state of Florida has “long enjoyed a tradition of open government records, which means a lot of the weird stuff that the cops see winds up available to reporters looking for something to make their readers’ jaws drop.”

That’s why you’re more likely to see news about a guy attacking his roommate with a machete for changing the radio station, or a man being attacked by a woman claiming to be a vampire, or a report on Vanilla Ice’s pet kangaroo escaping.

So it’s probably not that Florida is actually any stranger than anywhere else, but rather that a culture of open information has actually managed to produce an entire industry of weird news, given the ease of access for reporters looking for something strange. In any case, it sure makes finding material for The Pulse that much easier, and certainly more entertaining. Thanks, Florida!

(Telegraph, BBC)

(Slate)

MARCH / APRIL MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 9

ON POINT REWARDING GOOD BEHAVIOUR LEADS TO MATERIALISM, CHILD STUDY INDICATES

REWARDING YOUR CHILDREN WITH GIFTS FOR GOOD BEHAVIOUR MAY BE DOING MORE HARM THAN YOU THINK

SUMMERFIELD, FL / A Hungry Howie’s Pizza distribution centre was robbed of more than $85,000 in shredded mozzarella cheese after thieves made off with a refrigerated tractor-trailer in early March.

The original report from the Oscala Star-Banner, which was picked up by the Huffington Post, reported that the driver reported the trailer missing after leaving the truck for repairs at a central Florida truckstop.

The trailer was apparently valued at $62,000.

CHICAGO, IL / Rewarding your children with gifts for good behaviour may be doing more harm than you think, according to a joint study from the Universities of Illinois and Missiouri, Huffington Post reports.

“If parents always reward and punish kids using material things, then they are unintentionally sending the message that self-worth is centered around accumulating material goods,” said Dr. Lan Chaplin, a coauthor of the study. Chaplin is an associate professor of business at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

The study in question surveyed 700 adults and asked questions related to their childhood upbringings, as well as their current values and life circumstances.

Researchers found that adults who had been rewarded with toys or other gifts tended to reward themselves with material items later in life, as well as define their own self-worth based on material things. More disturbingly, the study also indicated that adults in this group were also more likely to judge others based on their material possessions.

Psychologists have expressed concern about the potential harm that can accompany acts of rewarding good behaviour through material gifts, saying that doing so “can reduce a child’s motivation to perform a task…for its own sake.” Children are less likely to behave if there’s not a reward attached, or understand why a particular behaviours are considered “good” in the first place, the report adds.

As an alternative, Chaplin recommends that parents reward their children with time, attention and positive feedback rather than money or gifts, something that helps children “see how their actions can make others happy.”

(Huffington Post)

(Huffington Post)

ODDS AND ENDS THIEVES IN FLORIDA STEAL MORE THAN $85,000 IN SHREDDED CHEESE

10 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

ISGOD CALLING

YOU?

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MUSIC REVIEWS

BY AARON EPP

EVEN SO COME

SAINTS AND SINNERS

CARRY THE FIRE

PASSION (Sparrow/Sixstepsrecords)

MATT MAHER (Essential)

DUSTIN KENSRUE (Vagrant/Staple)

EACH YEAR, thousands of young adults around the world gather at Passion Conferences, events meant to bring university students together for worship. More than 50 events have happened since Louie Giglio founded the conferences in 1997.

The conferences have produced a series of live recordings that Giglio has released through sixstepsrecords, a record label he helped found. These albums have sold more than 1.4 million copies in total.

“God has given us a platform, a footing with university students that we cannot relinquish,” Giglio told Christianity Today in 2009. “It’s been a gift of God that somehow we have had the favour to gather people and propel them out for God’s Kingdom agenda around the world.”

Even So Come is the 17th Passion release. The 12-song album was recorded live in front of more than 40,000 college students at Passion events in 2014 in Atlanta, Georgia and Houston, Texas.

Even So Come is notable for the star power it includes: Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman and Crowder all make appearances. There is not much here to set the album apart from other live worship albums, but if you are a fan of those artists, Even So Come will be a welcome addition to your collection.

SINCE DEBUTING in 2001, Newfoundland-born Matt Maher has made a name for himself as a writer and performer of thoughtful worship music. He has released seven albums that include hit songs like, “Lord, I Need You” and “All the People Said Amen,” been nominated for five Grammys and written songs recorded by the likes of Third Day, Hillsong and Chris Tomlin.

A devout Catholic, Maher has played for the Pope twice, including a 2013 performance at World Youth Day in Rio de Janeiro in front of 3 million people.

Maher’s eighth album, Saints and Sinners, was written and recorded to inspire those who hear it.

“The saints…somehow found a way to stand for God, to stand for the Church, but also to love tremendously and love fiercely,” Maher told the Christopher Closeup podcast.

“In doing that, they elevated the conversation. That’s what I feel needs to happen in the Church. We need a lot of young men and women to respond to the call of God—not get bogged down in a lot of the arguments that are happening, [but instead] focus our eyes back on Jesus and be amazing examples that can help re-elevate the conversation.”

For anyone looking to do that, let Saints and Sinners be your soundtrack.

DUSTIN KENSRUE made a name for himself as the singer-guitarist in Thrice, an experimental rock quartet that established itself outside of Christian music circles on the strength of the eight albums they recorded.

Kensrue’s faith became more apparent to casual listeners when the group disbanded in 2012: He became the worship pastor at the Bellevue, Washington campus of Mars Hill Church and released a solo worship album, The Water & the Blood, in 2013.

On the heels of his resignation from Mars Hill last year, Kensrue released Carry the Fire in April. Listeners will find it has more in common with his 2007 solo offering, Please Come Home, than it does with The Water & the Blood.

While Kensrue has said he will continue to release worship music as The Modern Post, Carry the Fire is a collection of songs that aren’t explicitly meant to serve the church.

Instead, Kensrue has released an album of personal songs with straightforward rock instrumentation that search for hope.

“This record is a study in contrasts; light and darkness, flame and flood, true love and senseless hatred,” Kensrue said in a news release. “What does it mean to ‘carry the fire’ when it so often seems like there is no light or warmth to be found at all? This is the question woven through the fabric of these 10 songs.”

/ AARON EPP is a freelance writer who lives in Winnipeg.

12 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

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FEATURE

THE

Good-toGreat Father UNDERSTANDING THE EVOLUTION OF THE MODERN DAD

BY RICK JOHNSON

14 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

B

eing a good (or even great) father is not about being a good parent—it’s about being a good man. The quality of the man dictates the quality of the father.

Good men with no parenting skills are much better fathers than bad or lazy men with a lot of training. Hearing this was encouraging to me because I was raised in an alcoholic home with no positive role model of what a man’s roles in life were. I knew what I didn’t want to be like as a father, but had no clue what I should be like as one. However, once I figured out that fathering was directly related to the quality of the man, I was encouraged. I knew I could figure out how to be a good man— which was less intimidating than trying to figure out how to be a good parent.

That’s an important distinction because being a father is hard. It may be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done (besides being a husband—which, if not more difficult, is certainly trickier). And it doesn’t seem to get any easier. The older my kids get, the more difficult and complicated the issues seem to be (sorry you guys with young children).

My experiences with one child seldom seem relevant to the next child. And what works well in one situation rarely applies to the next. But being a good man gives us a foundation with which we can confidently face all these issues.

Truthfully, all things that are meaningful and significant in life are hard. And the more significant they are the more difficult they become. So it goes without saying that if fathering is the most difficult thing you’ve ever done, it’s probably because it’s the most important and significant role you’ll ever have. Certainly as a father you are indispensable and irreplaceable in the lives of your children in ways that are unimaginable.

Most men want to be a better dad, even a great dad, but just don’t know how. And unless we were fortunate enough to observe them from a wise, healthy male role model while growing up, or have a group of men who mentor and teach us the importance of these qualities as boys, we may never know how to become a great father.

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 15

The role of a father has evolved and changed just within my lifetime.

In previous generations a father’s role was generally just to provide for his family. That made men absent from the home and somewhat uninvolved in the day-to-day activities of the household. In addition, fathers were the dispensers of discipline, frequently meting out corporal

children than any other social factor.

Today, most men genuinely want to have a close relationship with their children and desire to be better fathers than they themselves had.

Nowadays, men are often loving and nurturing caretakers of their children and gladly participate in daily activities like changing diapers, bath time, and homework.

be, if not a great dad, maybe just a better dad:

UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPIRITUALITY My research of great men throughout history taught me that they all have one thing in common—they are all men of faith. Every man who made a significant, positive contribution to the world was either a Christian or at least a man of great faith. I challenge you to find one who wasn’t. That said, if we want to be great men and great fathers we need to have a strong faith in God. Men tend to have a complicated relationship with God. While some men (maybe the men most likely to read this magazine) have a strong faith and enjoy attending church, reading their bible, and praying faithfully to God, many men do not.

Their faith is not quite so cut and dry. Many men aren’t sure exactly what they believe, even those who proclaim to be Christians.

It goes without saying that if fathering is the most difficult thing you’ve ever done, it’s probably because it’s the most important and significant role you’ll ever have. punishment. Beyond that, most men were not in close relationship with their children.

All that has changed over the past several decades. When my first child was born in 1986, men were just being allowed in the delivery room.

My wife and I had to insist on me being present during my son’s birth.

That experience alone probably has done more to bond men with their

16 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

And yet, many men wonder if there is more. They feel something is missing but aren’t quite sure what that is or how to take the next step forward to being a father that will pass a positive legacy down to their children that will last for generations.

Here’s a couple of unique things to consider (beyond the conventional wisdom of fathering) if you want to

It’s important that we as fathers come to terms with our own faith and clearly define what we believe to be true. Because the truth is we will pass along to our children whatever our core beliefs are, even if we don’t know them.

In his book, Pastoring Men, Patrick Morley describes the typical man inside and outside the church as, “…friendless, has at least seen his Bathsheba, is overextended in most areas, up to his eardrums in debt, lacks meaning and purpose, feels under a lot of pressure, and is generally miserable. All of this is carefully masked behind a game face because the man knows that if the sharks smell blood, it’s over.” He concludes with, “Most men only know God enough to be disappointed with Him.” Frankly, those descriptions even fit me from time to time and I know without a doubt I’ve seen God at work magnificently through our ministry. And yet the very thing men need most to alleviate these challenges is faith and the presence of God in their lives.

A young friend of mine sat with me to discuss the challenges of maintaining a man’s faith and what that looks like. He was a bit discouraged by what God would have him do next with his life. One of the things I told him that I have to do is to have the self-discipline to continue doing the small things even if I do not see them producing any spiritual fruit in my life. For instance, I must continue to pray to God every day, read the Bible every day, attend church every week, and pray with and for my wife every day, even (especially) when I don’t feel like doing all these things. Even though this sometimes feels mechanical or unanswered, I need to continue to do these small things as this is part of being faithful and training myself to be prepared for when God does use me.

A good analogy is the world of sports. Athletes are required to practice a variety of small drills and skills over and over again. They often complain that there is no reason to keep doing something they already know how to do. But invariably that practice allows them to react instantly in game-time situations.

The muscle memory they develop kicks in unconsciously when they need it most. They are rewarded during the game by their faithfulness to practice the small things—the game is won during practice. The harder and more precise you practice the better you will perform during the game. I believe God rewards our faithfulness in the small areas of worship and discipleship in the same way. When the game is on the line, our faithfulness and training pays off big time.

FIND HUMOUR IN LIFE You can determine the health of your family by the amount of fun and joy you hear every day. You can also determine the ‘wealth’ of your family by the amount of laughter and vitality it possesses. The opposite of depression is not happiness— it’s vitality. Vitality is defined as a healthy life force. A key component of developing vitality is humour.

As a father you set the tone for the countenance of the family. Your kids need you to find humour in life.

Surveys of children find the number one thing they appreciate most about dad is his sense of humour. A dad’s goofiness helps make life in the family fun and happy. Laughter is one a of a dad’s greatest tools.

USE YOUR WORDS Words don’t mean all that much to most men. We frequently get upset and don’t think about what comes out of our mouths. Often we may not even believe the things we say when

angry—we are just reacting. But make no mistake, your words are powerfully important to your wife and children.

They believe what you say even if the words are untrue. Those words embed themselves in the hearts and souls of your children. Some of you men are still trying to live down words spoken by your fathers that are embedded in your heart. Words like, “You’re worthless,” or “You’ll never amount to anything.” We spend our lives trying to prove to the world, to ourselves, and ultimately to our fathers, that we are in fact worthy and valuable.

Likewise, positive words from a father’s mouth are just as powerful and last for a lifetime. Words like, “I love you,” or “I am so proud of you,” or “You can do anything you want in life—and I’ll help you,” are life-giving and lift your children up to be more than they could ever accomplish on their own. Your words matter, men— use them wisely.

In closing, stay strong. God has big plans for your life. As a father you are impacting generations of people’s lives merely by the things you do (or don’t do) today and by the things you say or don’t say. You can be the man and father that God created you to be. If you didn’t have a good role model growing up, find some good, godly men to rub shoulders with.

Your kids (and future generations) are depending upon you.

/ RICK JOHNSON is a bestselling author and popular speaker. He is also the founder of Better Dads Ministries, a fathering skills program. Portions of this article are excerpted from Rick’s upcoming Book, 10 Things Great Dads Do: Strategies for Raising Great Kids, by Revell Publishing, due for release in January 2016. You can find out more about Rick’s work and his books at www.betterdads.net.

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 17

18 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

FEATURE

HURTING FOR A FATHER > 5 per cent of fathers do not live with their children, even part-time

PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA INITIATIVE CHALLENGES MEN TO STEP UP

> The presence of a father in a child’s life has been connected with a decreased risk of sexual abuse

BY CRAIG MACARTNEY

S

ixty per cent of rapists, 72 per cent of teen murderers and three in four people who commit suicide all have one thing in common: they grew up in a father-absent home.

The cycle of fatherless boys growing up, only to leave their own children fatherless, is a bleak reflection of the emotional void left in the hearts of father-absent children. However, Promise Keepers Canada (PKC) is turning the tide, one young life at a time, as more men join The Fatherless Project.

With so many fathers abdicating their role, The Fatherless Project is a threeyear initiative, designed to mobilize Christian men to intervene by mentoring a fatherless young man.

“The message is that we can make a difference,” says Ian Nairn, PKC’s National Missions Manager. “We can make a difference in the life of a father-absent young man by showing up physically and personally, and by modelling integrity, authenticity and humility.”

During the past year-and-a-half, PKC has included noon-hour seminars about the project in each of their Stronger and Fearless conferences. Following every conference, they’ve offered a training evening aimed at equipping men with the tools to start mentoring a fatherless child.

> Increased father involvement with a child is correlated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, antisocial behaviour and aggression

“We take half the training to look at how guys can become meaningfully involved,” explains Nairn. “We win the right to be coaches who speak truth in these guys’ lives by being with them, for them and believing in them. The second half of the training introduces local agencies where guys can become involved.”

The men are introduced to representatives from secular organizations, such as Big Brothers and The Boys and Girls Club, as well as Christian organizations like City Kids and Youth For Christ. Nairn says Promise Keepers has also heard from churches in rural communities, that don’t have established agencies, asking for training to help organize their own mentorship program.

“The consistently strong response has been very encouraging. We continue to see guys across the country making applications to become involved in both secular and faith-based agencies. Other guys are getting involved in the lives of families they are directly connected to, like their kids’ friends.”

Guilherme Monteiro was one of the first men to sign up with Big Brothers after attending The Fatherless Project training night in Calgary.

“The training caused me to reassess my priorities in life and rethink whether

> Children are 33 times more likely to be abused when living with a live-in boyfriend or step father, rather than an intact family > The rate of teenage pregnancy is 7 to 8 times higher among girls who were fatherabsent in their early childhood and 2 to 3 times higher for girls who were father-absent later in their childhood > 80 per cent of rapists with anger problems come from a fatherless home > 90 per cent of homeless and runaway children are from a fatherless home > Fatherless children are twice as likely to end up in prison SOURCES*

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 19

my time was being well spent,” Monteiro says. “We are to be instruments of God’s love to the needy. Caring for the fatherless is part of what God expects us to do.”

Although Monteiro emphasizes that the focus is on investing in the young man he mentors, he says the relationship has also impacted him in a number of ways. Knowing that he is a role model

such a need for role models in this world.’

In every community there are children who need someone to look up to, spend time with them and tell them they matter.”

Ferrier relates to the need. Although his father was involved in his life growing up, he still felt that he was lacking guidance and support. Ferrier believes if he had had a mentor he would have relied less on the advice of his friends and made better decisions.

“We are often products of the environment we grow up in,” he explains.

“You don’t have to know what to do to impact someone’s life, you just need to be available and listen. Find out what the kid’s goals are—what are their passions and dreams? Find out how they plan to make those dreams happen.”

Ferrier also believes it’s important to acknowledge that you don’t have all the answers. He stresses that as a mentor,

“We can make a difference in the life of a father-absent young man by showing up physically and personally, and by modelling integrity, authenticity and humility.” has challenged him to live at a higher standard as a husband, father and as a follower of Jesus.

“After some time you realize that just by being yourself around him you’re already making a big difference. You get to develop a genuine bond with a boy who would otherwise continue feeling a deep void in his life from the lack of a male role model and you end up having a lot of fun along the way.”

Another man who decided to get involved is Mike Ferrier, who heard about The Fatherless Project through his job at a Christian radio station.

“We had some information about The Fatherless Project submitted to our website,” he says. “I looked at it and thought ‘Wow, this is fantastic. There’s

20 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

you need to rely on God and look to Him as the perfect example of a father.

“God calls us to look after orphans and widows. I want to honour that because I know that I’ve been adopted [by God]. I hope that through my mistakes in life, it will make a difference in someone’s life, that they can see God through me and know He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

When The Fatherless Project first launched, Promise Keepers piloted the initiative in a Winnipeg church, pastored

by Peter Todd. One of the main challenges Todd faced was seeing many men enthusiastically volunteer, but gradually drop out as they progressed through the application process.

“It’s hard to see so many young guys

miss out who would greatly benefit from the input and care of a godly Christian man. The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.”

However, two years into the pilot, Todd is encouraged by difference being made by the men who became mentors.

“It’s very encouraging to see the enthusiasm of the mothers of the young men we have been meeting with. We’re obviously touching a deep need and they have been so grateful for our initiative in getting involved with their sons.”

Greg Gerbrandt was one of the first men to connect with a youth through the pilot. Having been raised only by his father, he has a deep appreciation for the impact a positive male role model can have.

“The statistics about young fatherless boys getting involved in crime are staggering,” he says. “The Fatherless Project is an opportunity to show them God’s love by simply being there and modelling a godly lifestyle. It’s a fun and rewarding way we can break the cycles of divorce, crime, poverty and pain that are pervading our society.”

Gerbrandt says being a mentor has made him more aware of the potential impact he could have in young men all around him. He’s also been encouraged by hearing how God is at work, when he meets monthly to pray with other mentors from his church.

“After I’d met a few times with the young guy I’m mentoring, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him.

He told me just getting together was good, then asked me to pray with him.

Although it doesn’t sound like much, it’s great to see a young guy asking for prayer and earnestly seeking the Lord.”

Alex is another person who attests to the impact of having a mentor. Several years ago, he started meeting with Ken Vanderboom through Streetlight Ministries in Hamilton.

He says Vanderboom is there when no one else is.

“The relationship has impacted me a lot. I go to church every week, which I

wasn’t doing before. I’ve started to come to know Jesus as my Lord and Saviour in my day to day life. It’s also helped me get past a lot of things I don’t think I could have overcome by myself.

Vanderboom says the relationship has impacted him profoundly, too; helping him look at social needs from a different perspective. More importantly, he says, Alex has a special place in his heart and with his family.

“A lot of the time I spend mentoring Alex is just inviting him to stuff we are doing as a family,” he explains. “I haven’t changed my whole lifestyle to do this.” I would encourage anyone who is considering this to think of things they are already doing that they can include someone in. If you’re going to church, take someone with you, if you’re going for a bike ride, invite them along. I was really surprised how willing Alex was to do stuff like that. He was perfectly content to just come and hang out.”

Nairn says the principles they teach through The Fatherless Project apply equally to being a good father. He encourages men to implement them in their own families, but also to reach out to kids in their neighbourhood.

“It can be as easy as a barbecue with your kids and their friends. It’s just doing life, whatever you enjoy doing, with young men around you. Just make yourself available. The big challenge is still seeing men across the country catch a vision beyond themselves.”

/ CRAIG MACARTNEY is an Ottawa-based freelance writer and senior correspondent for ChristianWeek. He and his wife recently celebrated the birth of their third daughter.

SOURCES Institute of Marriage and Family Canada, Canadian Children’s Rights Counsil, United States Department of Health and Human Services, US Department of Justice *

CANADIAN FATHERS AND FAMILIES ACCORDING TO THE 2011 CENSUS: > There are 8.6 million fathers in Canada, 3.8 million who have children 18-years-old or younger > The average age when fathers had their first child was 28 years old > The number of single-parent families increased by eight per cent from 2006 to 2011 > 12.8 per cent of all Canadian families were single mothers > 19.3 per cent of children under the age of 14 live in a single-parent home > 41,700 children 7-years-old and younger live with their biological mother and a step father

Statistics Canada data suggests that fathers are taking an increasing role in their children’s lives > Between 2006 and 2011, the number of singleparent fathers increased by 16.2 per cent > In 2010, men spent an average of 6.3 hours per day with their family, up from 5.75 hours in 2005

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 21

BE

F.A.I.R.

TO YOUR GROWN UP KIDS

I

t was 4:30 in the morning and we were exhausted. Pam had been in labor for 24 hours but wasn’t progressing. Our firstborn’s heart rate was being interrupted with every contraction. The pain and intensity of labor made it impossible for either of us to admit our fear until the doctor called for an emergency caesarian section.

Terrible thoughts of what might be wrong ran laps in my mind as they prepped for the procedure. Much to my relief, my son’s umbilical cord was merely bunched up next to his head which caused it be constricted. There was no major damage but he was born very blue. My first thought as a new dad was, “We just gave birth to a Smurf!” During the life-giving ordeal, I felt helpless and useful at the same time. Helpless to stop my wife’s painful labor yet useful in encouraging her through the process. Helpless to ease my son’s predicament yet useful in holding him afterward. Little did I know this would be a preview of how I would feel trying to be dad to adult children many years later.

Like many of you, I had little experience to draw from. I read books and I asked other dads. They shared plenty of advice for raising young kids but said little about my role when my kids grew up. In fact, it seemed like everybody was guessing. Like them, I am now trying to figure out how to be the dad I want to be with kids who are no longer kids.

I have decided to be F.A.I.R. to them. F.A.I.R. stands for four approaches we can take as fathers to help our kids with their adult journey.

22 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

FEATURE

A FATHER’S NEVER OFF THE CLOCK

BY BILL FARREL

FILL THEM IN Each decade of adult living has its specific focus but few people realize it until the decade has passed. As dad, you have been through the stage your son or daughter is currently experiencing. You can, therefore, fill them in on what to expect. > The twenties are a time to be idealistic. To us all things are possible in a big world with a big God leading them.

This is the time of life when God builds our faith before we get too loaded up with responsibility. > The thirties are a time to be industrious. We begin to realize how challenging life and careers can be. We are strong and energetic though, so we have an incredible capacity to work and work hard. This is the decade where they build their families and establish their place in the community. > The forties are a time of intensity where everything is marked by change. Physical challenges impose unwanted limits. Puberty turns our kids into teenagers. Aging parents begin demanding time and attention. Our resources get stretched to the limit, our patience gets tested like never before and our neglected needs cry out for attention. If we see it coming, we can brace ourselves for an intense period of service. If we are surprised by this transition, we can easily

grow frustrated and self-absorbed. > The fifties and sixties are a time for influence. Our life experience has finally been transformed into real wisdom. We know what works and what doesn’t and we are willing to spend most of our time doing what we do best.

Others naturally watch our lives and want to know what we know making these years the most effective of our lives. > The seventies and eighties are a time to be indelible. Our bodies become uncooperative, our hair turns noticeably silver and our production diminishes.

We do, however, have a captive audience. Our kids, grandkids and great grandkids want to hear the family story with all its victories, unhealthy trends, agonizing setbacks and significant contributions to life. They are products of this family system so they are naturally interested and you are the best person in their lives to tell the story.

I am now trying to figure out how to be the dad I want to be with kids who are no longer kids.

ADVISE AS A CONSULTANT I find this to be the hardest part of the transition. The general rule for consultants is they wait to be asked.

They don’t push the agenda and they don’t insert themselves into situations they haven’t been invited into. A friend shared with our small group his recent invitation to be a consultant; “My daughter just got a

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 23

TOOLS FOR TRAINING Being a father at any stage can be a test of patience. While being persistent isn’t always easy, here are some verses to meditate on as you work through the challenges of training your children in the ways of God.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. // PROVERBS 22:6

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. // EPHESIANS 6:4

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. // COLOSSIANS 3:21

big promotion at work. She is concerned about how to balance her new work responsibilities with her family life. She called to ask my advice. I am not sure yet what I am going to share but I am glad she asked.”

INVITE THEM UP The goal with your grown kids is to become peers with them but it doesn’t happen just because we all get older. For most of their lives you have been an authority figure in their lives. If you want them to become peers, it is up to you to invite them up to the level of adults. At that point you can ask for their advice. When you do, you endorse your son or daughter with a powerful proclamation that they have joined the company of adults who share their expertise with each other.

I have had the privilege of calling each of my three sons up to the level of adulthood. My 31-year-old son is a natural at organizational leadership. When I needed to reorganize procedures in my office, I called him for his perspective.

My 29-year-old son is a talented exercise physiologist so when I had trouble with my shoulder, I asked him for a new exercise routine. My 24-year-old is an insightful mechanical engineer. When I needed help with a car project, I let him teach me. The response was the similar from all three even though they didn’t realize I was deliberately inviting them up. A new look of confidence rose in their eyes and they gave advice enthusiastically.

BE A REFUGE Supporting your kids is easy when they are succeeding and making good decisions. It is a very different scenario when they are making short-sighted or self-destructive decisions. In the past year, men I know had to face the following scenarios: “My son bought a house a couple of years ago without asking us or his wife’s parents for advice. It was not a good investment, which we would have recognized from our experience.

The house had problem after problem.

They finally found mold in the basement and realized it would take

24 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

more to repair than it was worth. They released the house to the bank and carry a foreclosure on their record.”

“My daughter has become incredibly stubborn. She and our son-in-law have two incredible children who are now suffering through a divorce. I know they could work it out. My son-in-law is trying but my daughter is unwilling.

I know she will eventually regret this.”

“My son just entered a recovery program. I thought the drug use was behind him and I was confident that having a family would give him all the motivation he needed to stay sober. I guess the big bonus he received this year at work was just too big a temptation. I am going to visit him this weekend at the rehab facility. Please pray that I somehow know what to say to him.”

At times like these, our kids look around for help and we are often their best option. The help could range from putting your arm around their shoulders to putting them up at your house. The goal of the refuge is to be tender, targeted and temporary. Tender in that it comes without judgment or strings. Targeted in that it meets the need in the simplest and smallest way possible. Temporary in that it ends as quickly as possible so it doesn’t become a replacement for their independence.

It is confusing at times being F.A.I.R. with our adult kids but it is worth it. As Proverbs 17:6 states, “Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”

/ BILL FARREL, along with his wife Pam, has been speaking on topics such as faith, family, and marriage for more than 25 years.

He is the co-author of several popular books, including Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, Red-Hot Monogamy, and The Marriage Code. He has three children and live in La Mesa, California. Visit love-wise.com to learn more about Bill and Pam’s ministry.

On a Human Journey D

arryl Wolanski [MTS 2013] had no idea what would be on the other side when God called him to pursue a Master of Theological Studies [MTS] degree after being in the private sector for over 20 years.

He knew there was something very attractive about Tyndale. “What really attracted me to Tyndale was the style of teaching and the quality of the academics,” says Darryl.

His professors had a huge impact on him. “The two years I spent at Tyndale were the richest years I’ve experienced since completing my Master of Business Administration in 1989,” he says. “The professors were highly proficient in their academic field, they worked hard to get to know the students, and they encouraged interaction in class. It was really good. I loved every class.”

At Tyndale, Darryl gained insight about the human journey. “There’s a quote by Stephen R. Covey I read in a textbook that says, ‘We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.’ That really resonated with me,” he says.

It’s not surprising that after graduating from Tyndale Seminary, Darryl was led back into the private sector. He is now the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) Leader at People and Change, a human capital consulting arm of PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC). Human capital consulting looks at the “people side” of corporate change management. Many of the companies Darryl works with are large blue chip companies operating in the GTA and across Canada.

“As believers, how do we demonstrate what it means to be human to the rest of the world?” asks Darryl. “I really feel that Tyndale prepared me to live out the answer.”

Tel: 416.218.6757 Toll Free: 1.877.TYNDALE (896.3253)

www.tyndale.ca

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 25

FEATURE

Observations OF A

First-Time Father

BY ROB HORSLEY

REFLECTIONS FOR THEN, NOW AND THE ROAD AHEAD

I

sat, paralyzed in nervous anticipation. It was one of those “seconds feel like hours” scenarios, with a hundred questions, deafeningly loud, flooding my mind all at once. Could this be it? The moment we’ve been waiting for? Are we ready for this? Have we thought it through?

What if we haven’t? What will we tell our friends and family? When will we tell our friends and family?

Suddenly, I heard the sounds of hurried steps and heavy breathing.

My wife emerged, pee-stick in hand from the bathroom, eyes welling with tears of joy unlike those I’d ever seen before. Words weren’t necessary; I knew what she was about to tell me.

And even more suddenly, my mind switched gears. All of the questions that had been competing

for the limited mental real estate in my brain were abruptly pushed aside by one single, burning thought: “The countdown’s on buddy—just what kind of dad are you going to be, anyway?”

Because when you find out you’re going to be a dad, a lot of times something clicks inside your head, and you start developing a need to define your entire parental philosophy before you’ve even held your newborn baby for the first time. That was the case for me leading up to the birth of my daughter Charlotte last August, so here are some observations from that process.

BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE… As a first-time papa, you’re in a unique position, maybe even an

advantageous one. Sure, you have no idea what you’re doing and you might be scared to death. That’s probably a healthy set of emotions to be going through, honestly. But above all, you’re a blank slate. You can decide to be whatever kind of dad you want to be.

After all, you don’t know any better, so who would blame you, right?

If your kid rolls off the change table, hey, how were you supposed to know?

If you didn’t cut your kid’s broccoli into small enough pieces and then spent a few panic-stricken seconds slapping their back over your kitchen sink, well…that’s parenthood, man.

It’s not like these things come with instruction manuals or anything.

For the record, neither one of those things have happened to me. Yet. But I assume I’m probably going to fail at

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 27

For me, making a lot of money to spend on my kids will always be a poor substitute for making time to spend with my kids. some point. I’m sure everyone comes into parenthood thinking, “I’m not going to make the same mistakes my parents made,” and while that might be true to some extent, chances are that at best you’ll just find a brand new set of mistakes to make.

a bit too hot probably isn’t going to make you a better dad. A more selfconscious dad maybe, but probably not better. At some point, laughing at your mistakes can be helpful, but only once you’ve actually learned from them.

DON’T TRUST THE MEDIA

BEING THERE MEANS ACTUALLY BEING THERE

Whether we mean to or not, as media consumers, we have a habit of picking up on the things we take in, and laughing them off more than we probably should. After all, there’s something loveable about the bumbling idiot types like Al Bundy or Homer Simpson, so what does it really matter if I’m a little absent-minded and let my daughter chew on some of those delicious-looking power cables she seems so fond of these days?

The answer is…of course it matters.

One of the things that I’ve learned is that I’m often quicker than I maybe should be to laugh off my own ineptitudes, especially when anyone who isn’t my wife is around.

Sometimes it’s easier for me to live into caricature of ‘dummy daddy’ and say, “Yeah, I totally meant to do that,” than “Boy, I better not do that again.” It’s always easier, and a lot less painful, to laugh at your mistakes than to actually learn from them.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we as new dads should beat ourselves up over the mistakes that we make.

Mistakes happen. And dwelling on every instance where you didn’t buckle up the carseat exactly right or fed your baby a spoonful that’s just

28 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

Being a dad has changed over the years. Whereas in generations past dads were often the sole providers for their households and thus might be called away for work for days or weeks at a time (something that many families still experience), the times have thankfully changed for guys like me.

I’ve thought a lot about what being a provider looks like. And although finance isn’t unimportant, it sure isn’t everything. While being a provider often gets reduced to ‘earning enough to have a good-sized backyard’ or ‘being able to afford hockey registration,’ (not inherently bad things) I think there’s more to it than that, especially for Christian parents in the 21st Century.

There’s no two ways about it— raising my daughter (and future children) in the ways that are important to me is going to be a challenge, maybe more so than in years past. So I’ve also tried to think about what kind of lifestyle will allow me the time and energy to focus on the things that matter, which for me is raising my daughter to be the good in the world we want to see.

For me, making a lot of money to

It’s always easier, and a lot less painful, to laugh at your mistakes than to actually learn from them. spend on my kids will always be a poor substitute for making time to spend with my kids.

To be clear: this isn’t meant to be a guilt-trip for you if you just so happen to work a job that takes you away from your family. Maybe you’ve carved out a rhythm that works for your family, and maybe you’re in a situation where you just need to take a particular job, for financial reasons or otherwise. Maybe a time will come where our family has to re-evaluate too. But the Lord continues to teach me that there’s a lot more to being a provider than dollars and cents, and right now the biggest thing I can provide myself is just that—myself.

affection, and with that look of total awestruck love that only a child can give. But at some point, I know she’ll probably be mad at me, disappointed with me, and won’t understand why I’ve had to say “no.” Times like these are bound to happen. But they’re necessary, as my parents taught me.

Of course, if we spend too much time thinking about stuff like this, we’re bound to miss out on all the great things that are happening right in front of us. But these years give us time to prepare for the challenges ahead, and to build those bonds that make figuring out the tough stuff that much more tolerable.

BUT DON’T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT…

PREPPING FOR TEENAGE YEARS “Sure, it’s fun now but just wait ‘til she starts bringing boys home.”

Is anyone else with daughters tired of hearing this yet?

So far, I’ve been lucky and haven’t come across someone with this particular perspective. Because if I did, I honestly wouldn’t know how to respond. I don’t own any shotguns, nor a front porch on which to clean them, and even if I did, that’s not really the type of dad I hope to be.

It’s not how my father-in-law was with me, and it’s not the kind of person I want my future son-in-law introduced to.

I know that this might be tough to hear, and it’s probably just as tough for me to write, but to some level I think I have to accept that at some point, Charlotte is going to grow up, and somewhere along the way she’s going to make mistakes for herself. And while there’s certainly a fair bit I can do to equip her for

the trials and tribulations that come along with adolescence and beyond, I can’t be everything to her. I know I’m getting way ahead of myself here and probably should just be enjoying these fun, silly baby years, but for me it’s helpful, therapeutic even, to know that while I have a great deal of responsibility to be a protector, at some point you have to give her the keys to car. That’s just life.

THERE’S NOTHING ‘COOL’ ABOUT IT As far as I can reckon, a parent should be many things: kind, understanding, forgiving—but not necessarily a friend. While there’s obviously some room for dialogue as to what extent that’s true, I think we can all agree that at some level, we’re called to do and be things that our kids might not necessarily like.

And for me, this might be the hardest part. As a new dad, I can’t imagine my little girl looking at me any other way than with fondness,

In case it’s not painfully obvious by now, I’m no expert. But of course, how could I be? By the time you read this, I’ll have been a dad for a little more than eight months. “Hardly enough time to even know you don’t know what you’re talking about,” some of you may be saying.

In my mind, I’m still the master.

Truth is, I haven’t been even close to tested yet. Nope, truth be told I’m still just making it up as I go along. And at some level, that’s okay, I think.

I’ve heard it said that if marriage teaches you more than any monastery about true community, having kids can teach you more than any seminary about theology. How we love our kids can be the truest reflection of how God loves us. And for me, that’s one heck of a challenge.

But I’m more than willing to give it my best.

/ ROB HORSLEY is a full-time construction worker by day and the managing editor of SEVEN by night.

He, his wife Courtney, and their new daughter Charlotte live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.​​

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 29

SPORTS SCENE

PLAYING FOR A CROWD OF ONE

GOD DOESN’T TAKE SIDES IN THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS

BY SCOTT TAYLOR

L

et’s get one thing clear right off the top. God doesn’t care who wins the Stanley Cup. Why would He? He has close personal friends on every team competing. He’s even close with a whole load of players on teams that didn’t make the playoffs.

God doesn’t pick sides.

However, as Lorne Korol, the chaplain of the NHL’s Winnipeg Jets will tell you, God can help a professional hockey player take the pressure off himself. It turns out that when a professional athlete thanks the Lord Jesus Christ for his success, he’s not just blowing hot air for the TV cameras.

“One of our major exercises is ‘The Audience of One,’” Korol explains. “I ask the players that before the game, they go out into the quiet arena and pick a seat. Pick a seat that you imagine God might be sitting in.

That’s your audience tonight. It’s not the 16,000 people in the arena, the fans, your family, the coaches, the agents, the scouts and all the people who have high expectations of you— it’s just you and your God. “He has blessed you with these rare physical gifts and all you have to do is use them to honour and glorify Him.” For a professional hockey player—

30 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

heck, for any amateur player—this is the time of year when the pressure mounts. The games can get so intense, the fans so impatient and the coaches so wired that it’s often hard to get ready to play. It’s playoff time, that time of the year when not just every game or every period matters, but every shift.

And Korol, like so many of the chaplains around the NHL,

to Winnipeg from Atlanta in 2011) that has been to the post-season only once in its existence.

Now, he has a group of Christian athletes who are, not surprisingly, on edge. He spends much of his time with them, just getting back to basics.

“The focus is that they’re playing for God,” Korol says. “What that does, is that it takes the pressure off performing in front of all those people

“He has blessed you with these rare physical gifts and all you have to do is use them to honour and glorify Him.” understands this better than anyone.

Korol himself was an athlete, a pretty good ball player until he tore up his knee, which as a result left him fighting the discomfort for most of his adult life. He was the chaplain for the American Baseball Association’s Winnipeg Goldeyes, the CFL’s Winnipeg Blue Bombers, and now he’s in the middle of the playoff hunt with the NHL’s Winnipeg Jets, a franchise (remember, the Jets moved

in their lives who have such high expectations of them. We want to create the situation that the pressure is being removed from their shoulders and placed on God’s shoulders. He can handle it. He’s stronger than they are.

“We want to have them focus, not on self, but on Who gave them the talent in the first place.”

These men are professional athletes. They are paid enormous amounts of money because God gave

The city of Winnipeg will be savouring its first taste of playoff hockey since the 1995-96 season when Mark Stuart and company hit the ice this spring. Photo by James Carey Lauder.

Photo Courtesy of James Carey Lauder

them a rare skill. Now, when the games become more difficult, more highly charged than at any time during the 82-game regular season, Korol’s players need to understand that there is more to this than their own precious egos.

“We want to take the pressure off the performer,” Korol says. “He is not relying on his own skills. He worked hard to get where he is but he’s not really self-made. We want him to understand that ‘I’m just the tool for God’s glory in the sport that I play. My

role is to shine the light on the Lord.

Regardless of the outcome, I must always understand that I love my God unconditionally.

“This exercise is to remove some of that internal pressure that we all put on ourselves in stressful situations.

Instead of being self-made, we want these athletes to become Chriscentered. Be confident in the skills God has given you and don’t worry about all the pressure. God gave you your talent, use it without losing focus.”

As for the thought that God

picks favorites at playoff time, Korol just laughs.

“He has favorites on every team,” the chaplain says with a chuckle.

“Players need to look at it this way: ‘I want to do everything I can to do well out on the ice for You. It want to give God all the glory, honour and praise.’

Get it right and that will take the pressure off.”

/ SCOTT TAYLOR is a Winnipeg-based sportswriter and broadcaster.

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 31

THE SINGLE LIFE

HONOUR THY FATHER, BE A ROLE MODEL

HOW SINGLE GUYS CAN PLAY THEIR PART

BY PAUL H. BOGE

F

atherhood is central to God’s heart. He loves us. He knows us.

Even when life is full of more questions than answers, He still cares for us and can be trusted. He is described in Psalm 68:5 as the “Father to the Fatherless.” In 2 Corinthians 8:18 we read: “And I will be your Father and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

As singles we have the opportunity to experience God’s fatherhood. And whether or not we have children, we can be role models of fatherhood to children around us.

How do we do this?

We can find ourselves involved in at least three areas of fatherhood:

for our children? Are we training them up in the way they should go?

Are we reaching out to children in our churches, our neighbourhoods, to our nieces and nephews, and demonstrating the fatherly heart of God to them?

With Father’s Day approaching, sometimes singles without children can feel the wish of wanting to be a dad. From an earthly perspective it can become a story of waiting and waiting.

But John’s gospel encourages us to trust in God’s plan.

We should be encouraged that as a wise father, God is working in our lives to give us what He sees as being best to glorify Himself.

1. CARE FOR CHILDREN

2. CARE FOR OUR EARTHLY FATHERS

Those of us with children are called to be passionate fathers to our children, and those of us without children are called to be father figures to other children whom we can pour our lives into.

God wants us to love children within our care. Why is this so important? Because central to every man’s experience is the need to be convinced of his father’s love.

It shapes us. Molds us. Let’s be encouraged to ensure that those in and around our care are convinced of God’s love for them by being an example to them. Are we praying

Are we honouring our earthly fathers by serving them and being involved in their lives? If our fathers are not saved, are we on our knees every day praying for their salvation? If they are saved, are we praying for their impact while still here?

32 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

3. OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR HEAVENLY FATHER Above all we need to allow ourselves to be defined not by what we do or do not achieve—but by our heavenly Father’s love and approval of us. John 15:9b “Abide in my love.” Life becomes

profound and simple when momentby-moment we remain in His love.

We need to challenge ourselves to ask why Jesus would often slip away into the wilderness and pray to His Father. While as singles we can find ourselves in a variety of commitments and relationships, typically, though not always, as singles we have more disposable time than our married counterparts. How are we spending our time? Is it possible to start a cultural shift by taking a cue from some of our global brothers in Christ, dedicating ourselves to praying an hour, two hours or more per day with our heavenly Father?

If we take the attitude of John— that our singleness is given by God— we can be encouraged to use this gift to further God’s kingdom.

How are we being a father-figure to those young men in our area of influence? Who is God laying on our heart to encourage? How are we honouring our fathers? And most importantly, are we honouring our heavenly Father by spending time in prayer with Him?

/ PAUL H. BOGE is the author of Father to the Fatherless: The Charles Mulli Story and is an engineer who works in project management. He’s single and lives in Winnipeg.

OUT OF MY DEPTH

THY NAME IS SPORTS

HAS ANOTHER IDOL TAKEN OVER YOUR SUNDAY MORNING?

BY MARK BUCHANAN

M

any gods vie for our attention and devotion. It’s been this way for a long time.

But in our particular moment, one god has pre-eminence. This god is the god of gods. This god rules above the otherwise extremely popular deities of sex, food, music, and leisure.

No god unites or divides like it, or calls forth, with such driving power, our wildest celebrations and most harrowing sorrows. It has the power to awaken primal and tribal impulses in grown men, make them paint their hairy bellies vivid colours, dance warlike rituals, chant cultic anthems, scream like banshees.

Thy name is Sports.

Perhaps I exaggerate. But in the 24 years I pastored, through 13 Olympic Games, 7 World Cups, dozens of hockey and football playoffs, and hundreds of little-league tournaments, I routinely saw sports stir in people a passion and commitment I never saw in any other area of their life. People who were subdued to the point of stupor on a Sunday morning when the choir sang or preacher preached were roused to the point of riot on a Monday evening when the puck dropped. The feeling ran so deep with some that, when I occasionally made a comment from the pulpit about how sports, professional or amateur, was our culture’s dominant religion, I would be assaulted soon after with angry comments and nasty emails (as I may for writing this). This has always struck me as a case in point.

Maybe it’s all harmless. Certainly,

to make the claim I’m making seems overstated. And, indeed, I do think that playing sports, and watching them, is one of life’s good things.

But here’s something that gives me pause: the number of Christian parents who choose their children’s sports over church. Over the years, I watched this trend grow.

I remember one family in particular. Both the husband and wife had grown up in church, and had a deep and living faith. Their three children, however, were enrolled year-round in a rotating succession of sporting activities, and most Sundays one or two or three had a game. These games always took precedence over church. The parents told me they had developed family practices that, they believed, would keep their children devoted to Christ.

I got to watch this work itself out over many years, from the time the children were little until all three were grown. Only one of them still has an active faith. The other two gave theirs up in their mid-teens.

Maybe this would have happened anyway. But I watched some version of this scenario play out with alarming frequency: the vibrant faith of one generation becoming only a stale rumor among the next, and in a number of cases—certainly not all—the leading culprit was little league sports.

I’ve been around long enough to know that church attendance doesn’t

make anyone a Christian. I know that Christ-followers are called and empowered to live out our faith everywhere and at all times—in church, in the classroom, in the boardroom, on the playing field. I know that almost anything can become an idol— including, maybe especially, church and ministry—and that, conversely, almost anything can be a means of grace and of kingdom-service—including playing hockey, or lacrosse, or tennis.

But if I were to name the preeminent god of the age, thy name is sports. Like almost all little-g gods, it’s a fine servant but a terrible deity.

So my challenge, men: know where the line is, and hold it.

Your children might complain now.

But if they’re still singing God’s praises when they’re old, won’t it be worth it?

/ MARK BUCHANAN is an associate professor of pastoral theology at Ambrose Seminary in Calgary. He previously served as the senior pastor of New Life Community Baptist Church in Duncan, B.C.

MAY / JUNE 2015 SEVEN 33

TOYS / TOOLS / TECHNOLOGY

GIFTS FOR THE DAD WHO HAS IT ALL...

BY SANDY MCMURRAY

BEAM SPEAKERS

// fernandroby.com There are speakers and then there are speakers. An inexpensive Bluetooth boombox is fine for playing pop music in a small room, but what if you need something bigger?

Beam tower speakers are definitely bigger. They’re solid, heavy, and strong— the perfect choice to reproduce thumping bass while supporting the roof of a small cabin or cottage. You might even say these are load-bearing speakers.

The audiophiles who make Beam speakers promise “extraordinary transparency in the midrange, full bass extension and superior imaging, wrapped in an attractive reclaimed heart pine timber cabinet.” I’m not sure what all that means, but it might help to explain the $4,500 price tag.

Does IKEA sell inexpensive pine cases for Bluetooth speakers?

They’re solid, heavy, and strong— the perfect choice to reproduce thumping bass while supporting the roof of a small cabin or cottage.

34 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

POWER PLAY PROJECTEO

// getprojecteo.com Old meets new in Projecteo, a miniature slide projector that turns Instagram images into your own personal slide show. It’s like a ViewMaster toy loaded with your own photos.

Here’s how it works: you use your Instagram account to select a set of nine photos. The makers of Projecteo develop the selected photos on a single frame of slide film, then insert the photos into a tiny black wheel. Plug the wheel into Projecteo and you can display your Instagram slideshow on the wall.

A Projecteo unit is about the size of a matchbox and costs about $25. Each photo wheel costs about $10.

THE BIG BOOK OF BACON

// amazon.ca This book by Jennifer Pearsall is more than just a recipe book. It’s a celebration of bacon in all its forms, from appetizer to dessert, with burgers and BLT in between.

Subtitled “Savory Flirtations, Dalliances, and Indulgences with the Underbelly of the Pig”, The Big Book of Bacon will teach you how to use bacon in bread dough, pulled pork, desserts, and more. In Pearsall’s words, “I can’t think of anything bacon doesn’t work with.” Hear, hear.

TAPE MEASURE

// thinkgeek.com How accurate is your tape measure? Chances are you’ve been “eyeballing it” and may not be measuring exactly.

The eTape16 digital measuring tape promises 21st Century results. When you pull the tape, the measurement displays on top so you can easily see exactly how far the tape is extended. You can measure to the front of the eTape16 (the Inside Measure Anvil) or to the back (the Outside Measure Anvil). The display can show fractions, decimal, feet, inches, cm, and can store two measurements with the press of a button.

Sure, it might crash occasionally, and its batteries might need to be replaced in the middle of an important job, but you will be measuring like a modern man.

BRIEFCASE BARBECUE

// hammacher.com On the outside, it looks like a stainless steel briefcase, the kind that Tony Stark might use to carry his Iron Man suit. But this briefcase is not that cool. In fact, it’s very hot.

When you open the lid, this briefcase transforms into a portable grill and charcoal pit. Forget the traditional round camp stove. This design is lighter, more flexible, easier to carry and store, and more likely to make you feel like a secret superhero chef.

The grill is small—about 10 x 6 inches— but that’s big enough to cook dinner for two or three. When you’re done grilling, just empty the charcoal and pack up the briefcase until the next tailgate party.

BURNIE

// burniegrill.com If you prefer traditional wood to stainless steel, Burnie might be the grill for you.

Burnie is an all-wood fireplace that’s designed for single use. You unwrap it, light it, and enjoy it. All it takes is one match to light a fire that will burn evenly for hours.

Burnie weighs around three pounds, so it’s easy to carry to your camp site and you don’t have to carry it out. When you’re done, Burnie burns itself out so there’s no waste and no cleanup.

ENGAGEMENT RING CAMERA

// getringcam.com Imagine this: you get down on one knee and propose to your true love. She says yes.

You embrace. Then you plug the engagement ring box into your laptop and watch the magic moment again, from the perspective of the ring.

That’s Ring Cam in a nutshell. Instead of asking a friend or family member to video your romantic proposal, you can do it yourself, with a tiny HD video camera hidden inside the ring box.

The camera is easy to operate. You just press a button on top of the box to start and stop the recording. The side of the box has a USB port, for charging the camera battery and for transferring video to your computer.

You can rent a Ring Cam for three weeks for $99. For an extra $100, the company will edit your photos and proposal video into a keepsake video.

36 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2015

SAILING SHIP KITE

// hapticlab.com “A little Madness in the spring is wholesome even for the King.” – Emily Dickinson When winter is done and the spring winds start to blow, I think about flying kites.

Not the kind you buy at a dollar store, and then crash soon after first launch. I’m talking about beautiful works of art and aeronautical engineering.

The Sailing Ship Kite designed by Haptic Lab founder Emily Fischer is one example.

This gorgeous kite, handcrafted from nylon and bamboo, is not just decorative. It actually is designed to catch the wind in its sails and soar in the blue above. When the winds calm down, it’s pretty enough to hang indoors until next year.

The Sailing Ship Kite is available in various colours, including a black sail version called the Flying Dutchman.

EMERGENCY CLOWN NOSE

// shop.gessato.com The Emergency Clown Nose is a reminder not to take things too seriously. Every office should have at least one. If a meeting becomes boring or goes on past the scheduled end time, you know what to do.

Apply as needed on the most lackluster of days. Symptoms may include chuckling, guffawing, snorting, and tears of laughter. Size is one nose fits all.

RANGE TO GO

// rangetogo.com When you can’t get to the golf course, why not bring the golf course to you? Range To Go is a portable driving range with three hitting surfaces: tee, rough, and fairway.

You can use it anywhere you practice, to simulate realistic green conditions.

Range To Go is more convenient than full size mats, which can be hard to transport.

It folds into a package about the size of a laptop bag, so it’s easy to carry around. When expanded for use, Range To Go unfolds into three side by side 12-inch panels that are 16 inches wide, helping to promote the proper width of the golf stance.

Now you can practise your swing anywhere, any time. You’re welcome.

/ SANDY MCMURRAY writes about games, toys, and gadgets at funspot.ca.

NEXT ISSUE:

Next issue, SEVEN looks to hit all the right notes—with our music edition!

Bad puns aside, it’s shaping up to be a great collection, featuring in-depth interviews and personal profiles of some great new up-and-comers, as well as some of your all-time favourites. Plus, a lighter look at some of the funnier aspects of Christian music. Tune in next time!

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