The Entertainment Issue (November/December 2010)

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november – december 2010

MISSION: To ignite and equip men to become fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ – resulting in homes, churches, workplaces, communities and nations impacted and shaped by the grace of God through the lives of men.

Walking With You… The King’s Men Study Guides WALKING WITH THE MASTER & SHOULDER TO SHOULDER The King’s Men is a series of discussions, studies, and activities that will engage men in a life of freedom, risk, sacrifice, and significance.

Discipleship Training Unleashed A weekend retreat where you can experience in-depth training to discover how to become a better equipped Godly man.

Using the 7 Promises of a Promise Keeper, men will journey through the life of Jesus and discover how He prepared His followers to be men the world would describe as those “who turned the world upside down.” (Acts 17:6)

Resources sent to your home SEVEN Magazine, Men of Integrity Devotional and World Class Speakers... Relevant biblical resources for your daily walk.

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contents

september – october, 2010

on the cover 14–23

The Entertainment Issue Publisher: Brian Koldyk Managing Editor: Doug Koop Pulse Editor: Robert White Associate Editor: Jerrad Peters

Life is full of entertainment and diversions of many sorts. But it’s possible to get too much of a good thing. Learn to have lots of fun and set good boundaries.

advertising account executives:

features

WILLIAM LEIGHTON: william@christianweek.org DARRELL FRIESEN: darrell@christianweek.org JIM HICKS: jhicks@christianweek.org Unless otherwise indicated, neither ChristianWeek nor Promise Keepers Canada guarantee, warrant, or endorse any product, program, or service advertised.

14 Life and Laughter What’s so funny about humour?

17

Entertainment: What’s a man to do?

Funny man Phil Callaway offers advice on how to keep entertainment in its place.

editorial advisory board KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada PHIL WAGLER: Gracepoint Community Church SANDRA REIMER: Reimer Reason Communications DOUG KOOP: ChristianWeek

2o Meet the entertainers It takes all kinds to make a world.

Distributed by

22 Football wives: Drafted or shafted It’s hard to get into the game when your wife is blowing the whistle

promise keepers canada 1295 North Service Road PO Box 40599 Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 (905) 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca Postmaster: Please send address changes to PO Box 40599, Burlington, ON L7P 4W1

24 Joseph: The dad who was there The surrogate father of the Son of God is a great model for fathers to follow.

ISSN 1916-8403 Cover Illustration: Jeff Lowell

departments

columns 5 PK Podium Promise Keepers Canada celebrates 15 years 6 Sex Talk Check your entertainment priorities 26 Money Matters Give more to spend less

8-12 Pulse Curious events. Interesting people. Good ideas.

13 Reviews Be real. Be active.

Editorial and Advertising Office 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4

28 Power Play Tools. Toys. Technology.

Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org

27 Out of My Depth Surprised by laughter 30 What Women Want The curse of great expectations

SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.

The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada. one – A Promise Keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and

obedience to God's word in the power of the Holy Spirit. two – A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises. three – A Promise Keeper is committed to practising spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.

Design: Indigo Ink Studios www.indigoinkstudios.com

four – A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection, and biblical values.

six – A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.

five – A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.

seven – A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matt 28:19-20).

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PK Podium

God Digs Deep Promise Keepers Canada celebrates 15 years of ministry

by Kirk Giles

Fifteen years ago, I sat in the fourth row at Queensway Cathedral in Toronto, Ontario for an event that would mark the beginning of a remarkable journey.

On that night, the ministry of Promise Keepers Canada was inaugurated as the first international expansion of the ministry that was exploding across the United States.

I was a wide-eyed, 20-something-yearold guy who was in awe of everything that was going on around me. Little did I know at the time just how connected my life would become with the ministry of Promise Keepers Canada.

There were several men in Canada who had a vision to see ministry to men take place across this nation. These men sacrificed so much time, energy and finances to see it become a reality.

Early events in Red Deer, Vancouver and Hamilton were huge successes with thousands of men attending. In 1996, I had the privilege of joining the staff of PK Canada as a part-time administrative assistant.

The ministry would face some very difficult times during the late 1990s as the momentum in the United States slowed down, and as the Canadian ministry tried to create its own identity and financial base. At one point, we were essentially bankrupt and had no idea where funding would come from.

I remember sitting in an arena in Saskatoon and wondering if we were at the end. Then,

I heard someone announce on our staff radios that an individual had made a sizeable donation. There was hope for another day.

After a couple of years of “wandering in the wilderness” financially, another partner stepped up and essentially covered all of our outstanding debt— allowing the ministry a fresh start. Praise God, we have never had to face that kind of situation since that time.

The one thing that has been undeniable over the 15 years of the ministry is the deep work God has done in thousands of men’s lives across the nation. Everywhere I travel in Canada, I encounter men and women who tell me stories of how God has used PK Canada in powerful ways to encourage and shape their lives.

Today, we are grateful for those who invest in this ministry and in the lives of men across the nation. We are growing and have vision for the future.

This year, the theme of our conferences is “Legacy.” When I think about the legacy of PK Canada in the first 15 years, I see the impact in thousands of men. When I think about the legacy of PK Canada over the next 15 years, I pray that we will see the godly impact in all areas of our society with more than a million men becoming fully committed to following Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful for the faithful men over the past 15 years who have made it possible for PK Canada to be where it is today, and I pray that we will honour their legacy—and God’s faithfulness—by faithfully walking with the men of Canada to make a godly impact in the world.

Kirk Giles is president of Promise Keepers Canada.

He and Shannon have been married for 15 years.

They are the parents of four children, ages 7-14.

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sex talk

Check your entertainment priorities Relationships will flourish when you put careful thought into leisure time

by Doug Weiss

Clearly X-rated and unrated movies are not okay to watch, but there has to be somewhere to draw the line other than at Disney cartoons. If I am comfortable watching it with my wife, does that seem like a good guideline?

As a couple, you will have to create guidelines for your overall entertainment.

You and your spouse can decide the boundaries for sexual comments, sexual situations, partial nudity, nudity and sex scenes that movies offer. I use the guidelines of the 10th Commandment— not to lust after your neighbour’s wife.

So if it’s going to cause you to lust, consult God for guidelines.

Horror is another boundary. Some movies are designed to create fear, anxiety or just plain horror. Movies including more than a set number of killings should be examined as acceptable entertainment.

There isn’t a right or wrong here, and each couple will be different as to what is over the line. Each person’s spirit may be sensitive to different things.

My wife and I have a Clearplay DVD player that electronically takes out profanity, sexuality and gross violence for any of our home movies. This is a great tool (www.clearplay.com). If you’re going out on a date, check the movie reviews at pluggedinonline.com. They review movies from a Christian perspective and provide detailed information including scenes to be aware of.

Having entertainment boundaries is really helpful. In the Bible, Lot vexed his righteous soul by hearing and seeing unrighteous things. We do need to be aware of what sort of fruit the world’s entertainment produces.

really need? Do you need two to five hours a day or 30 hours a week?

As a Christian, really talk this through.

If all you do is sit in front of a screen, be it a computer, television, DVD or computer games, you’re in serious trouble.

I find couples that clearly define how many hours they need to be entertained, and stick with this plan, have better marriages and families. Intimacy takes time and creativity. Have game nights, date nights and exercise together.

When you are in front of the screen you are as close to being asleep as you can be with your eyes open.

Create nights of serving others, seeing family, or just going to the gym together with your wife and children. You can bring your relationship into balance by creating clear days or time limits for entertainment so you can talk, play games, do things around the house, walk the dog or just keep your car clean.

As the man, lead by example, showing that God, family and life have value.

Protect yourself and your family from an out of balance view of entertainment.

and the object is for her to have a good time. You are her guest — a happy guest, not a sulky guest. Then it’s your turn. You decide and she is your guest on your date.

Remember these three things: 1) Dating is not running errands. That’s not a date.

That is running errands. 2) A date is not shopping, unless both of you agree to this.

3) Dates are not therapy sessions. You do not discuss problems on dates. If someone brings up a problem agree to talk about it the next day. If you are self-employed, avoid talking shop on the date.

You and your wife deserve to date.

As I tell people at marriage conferences, if you don’t date you’ll eventually see a counsellor, so date, it’s more fun!

My wife won’t go to a “shoot ‘em up” movie with me; how do I change this?

In marriage you don’t always get what you want. Your wife doesn’t always get what she wants either. And, that’s actually a good thing. A marriage isn’t supposed to meet all of our needs.

I’m sure your wife wants you to cry at some of the chick flicks she drags you to.

That’s why it is perfectly okay to have some guy friends and go together to the guy movies you like. Go pig out, watch a shoot ‘em up movie and have a blast.

Don’t drag your wife into that with you if she doesn’t want to go.

Also make sure she has a girl’s night out so she can enjoy her tears with someone (another woman) who really gets why she is crying. It’s totally healthy and fun to be surrounded by the same gender and enjoy some of life outside of your marriage within balance. If you’re not dating your wife but finding time for the guys, your priorities are off.

Lisa and I will sometimes sit through movie previews and see a stereotypical guy or girl flick advertised and laugh, “Not that one.” This lets us know to take a friend or one of the children to that particular show. So enjoy her differences, respect her boundaries and celebrate with the guys.

My wife complains if I am on the computer at night and complains if I bring the laptop over to watch TV. Her shows are boring and I am trying to compromise.

How can I make her see the balance?

You bring up a really good question here. How much entertainment do you

I want to date my wife but it just doesn’t ever seem to happen. What could I do?

This is a common problem in marriage.

It’s so easy to get too busy, especially when you have children. There are so many demands. However you did not promise to love, honour or cherish these demands.

Dating is important to keep your marriage healthy and both of you sane.

If money is an issue find another safe couple and rotate watching each other’s children so you can both save on the childcare. Decide together on a maximum to spend per date or on a monthly basis.

Dates can become costly, so come up with a budget so you don’t have to be concerned about money while you are on the date.

I suggest to couples that they rotate who picks what they do on a date. On her date, she decides what to do, where to go

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 6

Douglas Weiss, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist and Executive Director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, CO. He has appeared on Oprah, Dr. Phil and many other national media appearances. Contact him by email at heart2heart@xc.org or visit his website at www.drdougweiss.com.

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pulse

Curiousities. Personalities.

Ideas. Information.

by Robert White PULSE Editor

HOW TO AVOID LOOKING SILLY IN PUBLIC

PASSWORDS AND PINS OVERLOAD MEMORY

In a recent blog, Talking to the Dead author Bonnie Grove reminded readers, “Social networking isn’t a casual affair.

Social networking has many functions, but you must always keep in mind that your online presence is a living resumé. A real time curriculum vitae.”

While Grove was specifically talking to writers, her tips on handling social networking apply to any business situation (abbreviated and used with permission from http://novelmatters.blogspot.com/2010/07/how-to-avoidlooking-silly-in-public.html):

A pox on passwords and PINs. Just thinking about how many of the secret log-in codes you need to navigate through life these days is enough to bring on a brain cramp.

There’s your debit card PIN. Your credit card PIN if you’ve got a newer card with an embedded security chip. Your log-in for your work e-mail. Your log-in for your home e-mail. The codes to retrieve voicemail at home and at work.

If you are a social media type, you need a password to get onto Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. If you book frequent flyer rewards online, you need one there too. Oh, and there’s your password for online or telephone banking. The password to get into your office or to get from your underground garage to your apartment. The PIN for your home security alarm.

“Most of us probably have our stock password. But it doesn’t work everywhere,” says Gary Small, director of the Memory and Aging Research Center at the University of California, Los Angeles.

“So then you have your amended stock password and it may not work and then you can’t remember: Is it your amended of your amended stock password? Or what was it?

1. Develop an inner circle of people you turn to when you feel insecure, angry, betrayed or otherwise upset about your job.

These are the people you need to lean on and vent to. Not the public.

2. Validation is an illusion, stop running after it. When we need to be validated by an increasingly far-flung group of people, we devalue the rock solid affection and support of our inner circle.

3. Stop talking about yourself all the time. Social networking has created a new self-paradigm where it’s acceptable to talk about yourself all day long. Facebook wants you to post how you’re feeling; Twitter wants us to post our micro-moments.

Talking about yourself all day creates an unhealthy filter by which you begin to view the world as orbiting around you.

4. Nothing matters more than your job. We can talk all day about our work, about people’s reactions to our work. But if we focus our energy on talking about it, the quality of our work will suffer over time.

5. Know where you’re going, and keep moving toward that goal.

Hockey-obsessed Canadians have a saying, “Keep your stick on the ice.” It means stay in the game, stay focused and be ready.

Develop a strong goal, and work toward it. Don’t be seduced into thinking your public rants on Facebook won’t affect a boss’ decision.

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 8

“We’re all struggling with it. And there are so many sites and so many passwords. In the old days it was just my combination lock at the gym. That’s all I had to remember,” says Small, author of book iBrain: Surviving the Technological Alteration of the Modern Mind.

Security experts might have their own ideas, but people who specialize in memory and the way the brain works suggest that if you can choose a password or a PIN, choose something that has meaning to you.

“What helps us with memory—and that really gets to the crux of it—what helps us remember things is when the information has meaning. And it has a context,” says Small.

One tip he suggests is having a pass phrase as opposed to a password. A sentence like “My dog is a black Labrador” reduces down to a password of MdiabL. Not as obvious as the name of the actual pet, but still something you could remember.

A similar technique can work when you are assigned a password. Experts say if you personalize it—figure out how it makes sense in the context of your life—you’re much less likely to forget it. (Canadian Press)

ASHES TO DISC (VINYL, OF COURSE) Music lovers can now be immortalized when they die by having their ashes baked into vinyl records to leave behind for loved ones.

A UK company called And Vinyly gives people the chance to press their ashes in a vinyl record of their own voice, favourite music or last will and testament. Minimalist audiophiles might want to simply press the ashes into the vinyl to result in pops and crackles.

The company was founded by Jason Leach, who co-founded the techno group and record label Subhead in the 1990s. Leach explained to Wired.co.uk there were a number of factors that made him launch the service, including thinking that he was “getting a bit old” and “might not be invincible.”

His mother also started working for a funeral director, which brought the whole funeral process closer to home. A third prompt took place when he saw a television program about someone in the U.S. who put their ashes into fireworks. It made him think about how he might want to be remembered.

“It’s a bit more interesting than being in a pot on a shelf,” says Leach.

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 9

pulse

Setting human ashes into vinyl involves a very understanding pressing plant. The ashes must be sprinkled onto the raw piece of vinyl (known as a “biscuit” or “puck”) before it’s pressed by the plates. This means when the plates exert their pressure on the vinyl in order to create the grooves, the ashes are pressed into the record.

Leach’s site (http://www.andvinyly.com) has an irreverent style and operates under the motto “live on from beyond the groove.”

And Vinyly also offers personalized RIV (Rest In Vinyl) artwork.

The simple version just carries your name and your life span. Or you can have your portrait painted by an artist using your ashes mixed into the paint.

“It’s difficult to think of what to put on your record because you want it to be the best album you can imagine,” says Leach. “I would definitely have a recording of my own voice as well as some ‘sound photos’ of places important to me and then I’d have some of my own music on there. It’s something I’m working on.” (www.wired.co.uk)

BIG DEAL WENT SOUR? BLAME THE TESTOSTERONE A chief executive officer’s patience and cooperation can make or break a corporate merger or acquisition. That’s no secret. But researchers at the University of British Columbia’s Sauder School of Business now offer a biological reason for male CEOs’ willingness, or lack thereof, to negotiate: testosterone levels.

The UBC team crunched the numbers for 350 corporate deals completed between 1997 and 2007 and determined the aggression-causing hormone directly affects a male CEO’s tendency to bid for a company—and walk away from an unfavourable deal.

“Normally, assets should go to buyers that value [them] the most,” finance professor and lead researcher Maurice Levi says, “if decisions are based purely on the basis of rationality.”

His team found hormones intervene and make CEOs bid for things they don’t need, or turn down offers out-of-hand, without trying to negotiate better terms.

“They might be pursuing things that give them the most dominance, but don’t give them the most value,” Levi says.

Men with higher testosterone levels are 20 per cent more likely to walk away from a takeover offer. They’re also four per cent more likely to make takeover bids, a small effect but still statistically significant.

Because the UBC researchers couldn’t go back in time and study CEOs’ testosterone levels at the time of actual deal making, they used age as a proxy. Until a man hits 45, his testosterone levels remain fairly stable, then drop off significantly.

The researchers didn’t stop there, admitting that age can affect decision-making for many reasons, such as having more negotiation experience. About 20 variables were accounted for; researchers even addressed whether marriage, which has been found to lower testosterone levels, affects CEOs’ decisions.

It wasn’t an important factor because the vast majority of CEOs

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 10

are married, which lessens the difference between them.

In the end, the researchers concluded that testosterone was the only remaining dominant factor.

Levi says he knows his data isn’t driven by test tubes and biological samples, and he’s okay with that. He hopes it might inspire a researcher to do something on a bigger scale one day.

“The danger with something like this is to say it’s not perfect research,” he says. “If you only look where the light is and don’t look out in the dark areas, you might not find the truth.” (www.globeandmail.com)

HEAVEN TOPS HELL IN CANADIAN BELIEF POLL Slightly more than half of Canadians believe there’s a heaven and less than a third believe there’s a hell, reported “Holy Post,” the National Post’s religion blog, in September.

That’s one of the findings of a survey of 420 Canadians probing their personal spirituality and attitudes toward formal religion.

“We’re not, by and large, a God-denying country,” says Jack Jedwab, executive director with the Montreal-based Association for Canadian Studies. The ACS, along with the Carlton University Survey Centre, compiled the survey.

Jedwab noted just seven per cent of those surveyed were clear in their disbelief of an all-powerful deity who oversees the affairs of the world.

“We do tend to believe in a higher power.”

Responding to the survey’s main question about the existence of God, about 30 per cent agreed with: “I know God really exists and I have no doubts.” Nearly 12 per cent adopted the classic agnostic position: “[I] don’t know whether there is a God and don’t believe there is a way to find out.”

Jedwab says there isn’t “a common perception” among Canadians about “how God is represented.” He also says the numbers suggest the country has a fairly high level of spiritual belief in despite ongoing secularization of society and declining participation in organized forms of worship.

Atlantic Canadians were the strongest believers (36.4 per cent), while faith was less firm in Western Canada (34 per cent), Ontario (27.3 per cent) and Quebec (23.9 per cent).

Respondents also showed concern about some negative aspects of religion. About three out of four agreed with the statements: “religion breeds conflict” and “religious people are too intolerant.”

Jedwab says the findings show Canadians are widely and strongly supportive of religious freedom at a personal level but “when it’s a group phenomenon, that’s where they’re worried— because they believe it can breed intolerance.”

The results of the survey are considered accurate to within 4.8 percentage points, 19 times out of 20.

From beginning to end, the Bible contains 1,189 chapters, so Juby’s final entry should be November 8, 2013.

Juby says he started the project as a way to focus his mind on his daily Bible readings. He also hopes it encourages others to read the scriptures too.

“The Bible underpins so much of our culture. People like Shakespeare and Dickens made casual references to what we would now regard as obscure passages of scripture,” says Juby.

“But people—even Christians—don’t tend to read the whole Bible.

“It’s perhaps regarded as a bit of an oddball thing to do. I hope in doing the summary, it will inspire people to read the Bible for themselves. My summaries are no substitute for the real thing.” (www.nationalpost.com)

BRITISH MAN PUTS THE BIBLE ON TWITTER

BUSINESS MINISTRY SPLITS INTO TWO

Are you one of those guys who has always wanted to read the Bible but has never been able to find the time? Have you given up trying to decipher that confounding King James English? Or is your attention span just too small to get through an entire book?

The answer to these problems can now be found on Twitter.

Chris Juby, a worship director from King’s Church in Durham City, England, began a project to summarize the entire Bible on the social networking site.

Each day, Juby writes a summary of one chapter of the Bible in 140 characters or less. Here’s a sample entry from Juby’s Bible Summary Twitter page: “Gen6: Humankind corrupted the earth with evil. God decided to destroy them. He told Noah to build an ark to be saved from the flood.”

Christian Business Ministries Canada (CBMC) and Corpath started out serving two different groups of business leaders.

About eight years ago they combined forces to better serve those business leaders. Now CBMC and Corpath have split up so they can return to what they do best individually.

“There were two different products and it was causing confusion,” says Corpath’s John Wiseman. “CBMC had more of an outreach culture

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 11

Photo courtesy of Crazy 8s Creative

while Corpath focused on discipleship. It was a struggle within the combined organization.”

CBMC worked mainly through local teams championed by a local leader, says board chair David Braun. Over lunch or breakfast the Business Leader Groups (BLG) or City Teams “met and prayed about their ‘most wanted’ list. The needs of the group relied on what the champion’s plan was,” says Braun.

The Forums—Corpath’s strength—were brought on to allow business owners and senior-level executives a chance for some peer-to-peer sharing during five- to six-hour meetings.

“We knew there was a problem two years ago,” says Wiseman.

And along with the brand confusion came the question of resources. With a faltering economy, the board decided to both reduce costs and increase revenue. Member input helped the board find out which program—BLGs, City Teams or Forums—gave members the best value for their money.

“It was no surprise the Forums expected a significantly different service and quality of support materials than the BLG’s and the traditional City Teams,” says Braun.

At its June meeting, the board had to decide if it should keep being all things to all business people. It decided it couldn’t and created two separate ministries: CBMC, which will run BLGs and City teams, and Corpath, which will run the Forums.

“Corpath is returning to where we were in 2004,” says Wiseman.

“We feel it will enable us to more effectively serve our membership.” Corpath has about 90 members across the country with the majority in Alberta.

For Braun one of a key success was creating two financially selfsustaining organizations out of one. “It was no small accomplishment but the board worked incredibly hard to do that,” says Braun.

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PASTOR TRADES PULPIT FOR TALK SHOW An invitation to discuss Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ led Greg Glatz to a new career as a radio talk show host. Glatz now co-hosts the Saturday and Sunday 9 to 11 p.m. slot with Marlo Boux on Winnipeg’s CJOB. “It’s not something I actively pursued,” says Glatz who recently resigned after 17 years as a lead pastor at Winnipeg’s Central Baptist Church. “But I like the medium and its ability to reach people.”

David Balzer and various co-hosts had been airing “GodTalk,” a faith-based show, for several years on CJOB. Balzer asked Glatz to co-host, and when Balzer left the show, Glatz was asked to take over the spot.

Instead of carrying on with “GodTalk’s” faith-based show, Glatz “went to the station and asked to not just do religious topics.

I wanted to do anything from the perspective of a Baptist preacher.

“The station said ‘we love that. It’s what we want,’” says Glatz.

Now with Boux, the self-titled Weekend Warriors bring their opinions on any subject and invite callers to do the same.

For example, Glatz launched a petition asking the City of Winnipeg to rename the Disraeli Freeway (a long expressway bridge over rail tracks and a depressed neighbourhood) the Bachman-Turner Overdrive, in honour of the rock band with its origins in the city.

“You find out quickly in talk radio if you have a good idea or bad idea,” says Glatz, who also serves as the program coordinator for the Knowles-Woodsworth Centre for Theology and Public Policy and partners with Boux in Crazy 8s Creative. “We found it was a good idea and the listeners’ response was just as creative as the idea. People really got it.”

And it’s people that interest Glatz. “The best moments are often the on-air callers, not the guests,” he says.

“One caller, in response to the Roman Catholic abuse story, said on air, ‘I realized I was abused by a priest as a kid and I had repressed that memory, not dealt with it.

“Listening to the show made me realize why I never wanted to go to church, not believe in God and not know why.’

That was amazing,” recalls Glatz.

Rock and Roll preacher Greg Glatz with radio co-host Marlo Boux.

reviews

Be real. Be active.

THE ACTION BIBLE: GOD’S REDEMPTIVE STORY

DARE TO DROP THE POSE

By Craig Groeschel

DO SOMETHING

By Miles McPherson

Many of us grew up with the Picture Bible and are familiar with it. It is the Bible in comic book format. It was cool.

“Was” is the key word here. It has become so dated that today’s kids are not nearly so impressed. Comic fans will be glad to know there are new works on the scene. My son became a fan of the new Manga Bible series. Each of the five books is created originally in Japanese before the English edition is produced. The first book, Manga Messiah, traces the four Gospels in vivid Manga style. The newly released Action Bible is much closer to the style of the original Picture Bible with more than 200 fast paced narratives in chronological order. The creators balance bold images with biblical text and each section references the biblical passage it is based on.

Both the Action Bible and the Manga Messiah are great resources for parents. Or for the child in each of us.

Craig Groeschel is best known as the pastor of a large church that also has a significant online presence (www.lifechurch.tv). As I read this book, I felt like Craig had stolen some of my thoughts and put them in a book for the world to read. Then, I was encouraged to realize that I am not alone with these thoughts. Here are some examples based on chapters in this book: I Can’t Stand a Lot of Christians; I Have to Work Hard to Stay Sexually Pure; I Worry Almost All the Time; Sometimes I Doubt God. These and the rest of the chapters in this book are incredibly encouraging and revealing. Craig uses great humour, honesty, and biblical teaching to help readers who are wrestling with these issues in their lives. Drop the Pose is an excellent tool to move to the next level of being a man who desires to reveal the image of God to others.

To be honest, the cover did not grab my attention and I had no intention of reading this book. That is until I was trapped on a flight home and the in-flight movie screens died, leaving me trapped for hours. Happily, the book far exceeded my expectations. It is practical, engaging and full of additional features that go beyond the book. Each chapter highlights a different ministry opportunity through contemporary and biblical stories woven together. Not only does it provide suggested action steps, but it links to online resources that go even further. One of the best features is the “Do Something!

Myths.” Exposing common myths like “If I am scared to do something, God must not want me to do it.” Miles takes the time to show how these misconceptions are not biblical and prevent us from experiencing what God has prepared for us. A great book!

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 13

features

LIFE AND LAUGHTER What’s so funny about humour?

by John Allen

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 14

Illustrations by Jeff Lowell

The boys who had a lifetime to live were laughing. They were five-year-olds at the time, sprawled on their backs on a sunsoaked lawn on a bright day with fits of giggles wracking their small bodies.

Correct that. It wasn’t just giggles. This was laughter of a deeper sort, starting somewhere down in the gut and shaking their entire world. They were utterly abandoned to mirth. “I’ll never, ever forget this as long as I live,” gasped one of them between guffaws.

It was hilarious—whatever it was. Fifty years later, the boy has no idea what he was laughing so heartily about. Yet the memory of the moment endures.

Good humour creates lasting memories and produces delightful moments, usually taking us somewhat by surprise. Cheerful laughter is almost always a sign of good company. And why not? It isn’t strange that most of us enjoy good times and good feelings. Of course, experiencing these moments is even better than remembering them. Healthy laughter is a telling expression of the joy of living, and peace and joy are what we really want.

That helps to explain why it’s often said that laughter is good for the soul. And, as a matter of fact, laughter is good for quite a lot of things. Light moments reduce tensions and reduce the drudgery of daily labour. A timely joke can make a meeting more productive. Laughter creates smiles and makes us feel better about ourselves or someone or something else. Most lessons go down easier when tinged with amusement.

What makes us laugh?

Humour comes in countless forms. Here in North America, irony ranks high in sense of the funny. We chuckle at ironic questions, like “do you ever wonder why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?” We also find joy in

discovering ambiguous messages in ordinary miscommunications. How about the sign on the building for the family planning clinic that tells its clients to “Use the rear entrance.”

A few of us hardy-har-har souls consider puns to be hilarious—especially when we make them up ourselves and plunk them into regular conversation. We’re apt to point out that when you dream in colour, it’s a pigment of your imagination. And then we will insist that the higher the volume of the groans it elicits, the better the quality of a pun. Not everyone shares this sense of humour.

But just about everyone thinks it’s funny when a person tumbles down the stairs or steps in dog poo. It’s always a hoot when some poor chap takes a blow to the goolies. In those cases we’re laughing out of a sense of subtle relief. Life is full ordinary misadventures that happen at some time or another to us all. But this time the fates picked someone else. “Ha, ha, ha! It wasn’t me.” There’s nothing particularly malicious in that; just a happy feeling that this time I was spared the consequences of another nasty thump from the powers propelling the cosmos.

This actually says something about the way life is. Bad, strange and weird things do happen, and seeing the comedy in the situation can help us to cope. In extreme

circumstances, “gallows humour” and “black humour” find humour in unexpected places. Just imagine a man standing against the wall facing a firing squad, declining the offer of a last cigarette. “No thanks,” he says. “I’m trying to quit.”

Humour has a subversive way of surviving—even thriving—under stern circumstances. Citizens of the former Soviet Union during the communist regime, for example, were renowned for joking about their dismal lot in life. Question: What is a Soviet musical duet? Answer: It’s a musical quartet after a trip abroad.

Splashes of comedy brightened the oppression that governed their lives.

Touches of laughter lubed the grind of daily austerity.

Embarrassed The North American experience of humour is usually less extreme. (Most of us are embarrassed more frequently than we’re executed.) To be the butt of a joke or the source of someone else’s laugher is not a particularly comfortable place. Things that put us lightly on edge have a way of revealing or character, for better and for worse. Suddenly it’s my foible or folly that’s being lampooned. It’s my fly that’s open; the “kick me” sign is taped to my back.

Some days things happen that we

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features

LIFE AND LAUGHTER

wouldn’t believe if they weren’t happening to us. Why do the kids get sick and the toilets clog just when the mother-in-law is dropping in for a visit and gets stuck in the snow two miles from your place while you’re on the verge of closing an important business deal? Life throws such curves.

The humour in such situations may become more apparent as time passes. In the meantime, “some day we’ll all laugh about this” is a small comfort—yet a comfort nonetheless—in the midst of absurd adversity.

My most embarrassing moment is a motorcycle story. Here I am at 19, a single guy out and about on a Friday night with a slick-running Triumph Bonneville 650 sporting high handlebars and a subtly chopped front end. I have my eyes on a hot chick in a green convertible cruising comfortably in the next lane. I’m eager to impress her— a little too eager. At the next red traffic light, I pull up smartly beside her, turning to give her a wink and a little rev of the engine as I pull to a stop and lean my left foot to the ground.

Except something unexpected happens.

Just as I throw my weight over to my leg, dagnabit, the cuff of my jeans catches on the foot peg and the motorcycle and I tumble to the ground like a wheel on its last wobble. I spring quickly to my feet and get the bike upright. But I don’t dare look

her way again. Any thoughts of impressing are long gone. I jackrabbit off the line and disappear with a roar as soon as the light turns green.

This is the sort of thing that always happens to Mr. Bean. He is funny because we recognize in his misfortunes an abundance of our ordinary fears coming to pass. He is ridiculous, yet curiously feasible. He actually makes me sad and I used to shut the show off after the first 10 minutes. Enough is enough. Mr. Bean is too frail a man to bear these inexhaustible complications.

What the gargoyle says Laughter helps us come to terms with our place in the world. And it makes me think of gargoyles, those utterly ridiculous and bizarre little statues peering down from the heights of great cathedrals. They provide a telling counterpoint to the spires towering above them. The steeple points to the perfection of heaven, while the

grinning gargoyle looks down at the realities of Earth.

As Malcolm Muggeridge observed, “they are both saying the same thing—that man is an inadequate creature. Humour is an expression in grotesque terms of the disparity between human aspiration and human performance.”

Humour helps us to acknowledge and navigate the enormous gap between the way things are and the way we’d prefer them to be. When humour reveals the frailties of humanity, it makes us wonder that God can love us as much as He does.

The habit of seeing life’s absurdities, complexities, ambiguities and mysteries through a lens of humour can lead to unexpected serenity and joyful acceptance of the will of God. John Allen is a middle-aged guy who likes life and laughter and enjoys writing. He’s also notorious for telling bad puns and has been known to make them up in his dreams.

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iStockphoto

Keep entertainment in its place Phil Callaway asks the hard questions, like “How much of my life should I spend watching the Idiot Box?”

by Phil Callaway

This past August, in a move that still has me shaking my sore head, a friend and I rode an ATV high in to the Rocky Mountains and proceeded to flip it, by which I do not mean that we sold the thing for a profit. While I was flying through the air with all the grace of a screaming man, nothing slowed down like it does in the movies. When I landed there was blood spurting from a wound in my head. Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone would have leaped to their feet and punched someone. Not me. I lay there in the dust, wondering if I had bit The Big One.

Now there isn’t much that comes to mind when you’re pretty sure you’re dead.

You think of your wife and kids. And you don’t consider embracing atheism.

Mortality creeps up on us all, but sometimes it lunges.

I lived to tell about this, as you have gathered. But if you’ll permit me a little whining, it still feels like aliens are conducting experiments on my ribcage.

Were it not for God’s glorious gift of painkillers, I would be unable to type the wise words you are about to read.

The thing about three weeks on your back recuperating is that you have time to

contemplate life and eternity and to read.

And if that makes your brain hurt, well, there’s always television.

I grew up without a TV in the house, so we had to come up with our own violence.

And believe me, we did. I have spent much of my life actively engaged in dangerous activities like ice hockey, full contact golf and when insanity creeps in, I ride ATVs with rednecks.

One of the greatest benefits of nearly dying is that my wife—glad that I am alive— fetches me stuff when I ask. She brings me drinks, meds, snacks, more meds, the first season of “McGyver,” all 42 seasons of

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features

Keep entertainment in its place

“Lost” and seven Hollywood blockbusters from a guy next door.

The options are endless. It is now possible to spend your entire life watching “Star Trek” without once repeating an episode. You can watch “I Spy” on your iPod, iPad or iPhone. You can do this while you shave, commute, work and even—as a guy I know has done—in church.

Flat on my back I discovered that we have 41 channels on our television, though one doesn’t count, it merely tells what’s on the other 40. Two are devoted entirely to movies, two to religion, two to sports and the rest to news that encourages paranoia.

My friend laughs at my paltry selection. He gets more than 200 channels, many in HD, all on a screen four times the size of mine.

D’oh!

Here on my back I’m considering some questions every guy should ask: How much of my life should I spend watching the Idiot Box? Is it possible to be entertained by Hollywood and still retain my brains, my faith and my integrity?

Should I shut this thing off and read the Bible?

And, at what age should guys stop riding ATVs? Christians approach entertainment with a wide range of ideas and convictions.

When my parents embraced faith, they never again entered a bar, a pool hall or a movie theatre. Many in our church viewed culture as hostile so they either fled or fought it.

Not so with me. Hollywood had me with Raiders of the Lost Ark. I finished my popcorn in four minutes flat watching it.

During the ensuing years, movie-watching devoured a significant portion of my time and spare change. I believed that on the seventh day God invented television. If it was showing, I was watching.

By the time our three children arrived, however, I knew that much of what passes

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 18

for entertainment was disgusting, perverse and very lucrative. One Sunday our daughter, age five, came home from a friend’s house where she’d spent the weekend watching James Bond flicks and began mimicking James’ girlfriends.

What’s a guy to do?

Teach and model discernment. Proverbs 3:21 says, “My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight.” These are great words to glue to our TVs and computers.

One Christmas my teens brought home a PG-13 movie. Five minutes in we’d been lectured by an atheist, dragged through a brothel, subjected to a mockery of ministers, and treated to cuss words that would make the Toronto Maple Leafs blush.

I stood up and announced: “I’ve had enough. Is it okay if we watch an R-rated movie?”

My teens were confused. And delighted.

Moments later I plugged in Braveheart, flipped past the part where the actors can’t find their clothes and treated us all to a well-told piece of history. Yes, it was violent, but so is the Old Testament. And afterwards we compared movies and discussed a popular decision they talk about to this day.

Today our adult children, all of them Christ-followers, seem better equipped to find movies worth watching. Recently they took me to see The Book of Eli, starring Denzel Washington. To say it is violent is like saying the Sahara has sand. But the message and the undercurrent of Scripture quoting blew me away. The story asks how far you would go to defend the Bible if you were the last person on Earth entrusted with one.

Afterwards, we talked for more than an hour about questions the film raised, though again, they were imbedded in some extremely violent images.

Today Hollywood is a sad place where brides keep the flowers and throw out the groom. A marriage lasts more than four hours and they call a doctor. Let’s teach our children to actively engage their mind when they choose and watch today’s entertainment. And let’s do unto our own minds as we would want them to do unto theirs.

Plan ahead. Most current movies have not been given two thumbs up by Billy Graham, so do your homework. Don’t rent Do The Right Thing because of the title. It employs the f-word 240 times. (No I didn’t count, I read about it).

When my daughter was a teen we enjoyed a date night once a month. I paid for gas, food, popcorn, movie and incidentals. She gave of her time.

What helped make these outings so memorable was that we logged onto either pluggedin.com or movieguide.org to help us choose a movie. Three things struck me: 1. By planning ahead, not once did we find ourselves embarrassed or disappointed. 2.

Hollywood seems

features

incapable of producing 12 movies a year that a daughter and dad can enjoy together. 3. I’m so glad I have a daughter who doesn’t mind movies where things get blown up.

Flip it. The most recent study I could find claims that the average guy watches three hours and 28 minutes of TV each day, and spends 20 minutes caring for his family.

Only 38 per cent of us entertain friends or family in our home once a year. Even those with sawdust for brains know we’ve got it wrong. Was Jesus’s radical call on our lives, “Take up your remote controls and follow me?”

I wonder what would happen if each guy reading this decided to flip off the remote and stole even 15 minutes a day from his hours of TV viewing to ask his wife, “What did you love about today?” Or asked the same of his kids?

A few weeks with an ATV hangover is reminding me that I may not have as much time left as I thought. I’d like to spend what’s left focusing on things that are true, noble, right, pure and admirable as Philippians 4:8 invites me to. Sometimes we’ll find glimpses of these in a movie or a TV show. But more often we’ll find them in books, in nature and in others.

So I resolve to spend more time outdoors, in God’s Word and on my knees.

I will stop coveting the latest gizmos. Six months from now they’ll be half the price anyway. This year I will invite some friends into our home.

And I have written these down lest I forget them once these pain killers wear off.

Back in the good ol’ days...

When my parents swore off movies, it was the 1930s. The Motion Picture Producers and Distributors of America governed Hollywood films with the following code: “No picture shall be produced which will lower the standards of those who see it.

Hence the sympathy of the audience should never be thrown to the side of crime, wrongdoing, evil or sin.”

Remember sin? The original “S”-word?

During Hollywood’s “Golden Age, the Motion Picture Producers and Distributors of America issued the following edict that by July 1934 was strictly enforced.

1. The sanctity of the institution of marriage and the home shall be upheld.

2. Methods of crime shall not be explicitly presented.

3. Illegal drug traffic must never be presented.

4. Pictures shall not infer that low forms of sex relationships are the accepted or common thing.

5. Scenes of passion should not be introduced when not essential to the plot.

6. Seduction or rape should be never more than suggested...they are never the proper subject for comedy.

7. Sex perversion or any inference to it is forbidden.

8. Pointed profanity (this includes the words God, Lord, Jesus, Christ—unless used reverently—Hell, S.O.B., damn, Gawd) or other profane or vulgar expressions, however used, is forbidden.

9. Indecent or undue exposure is forbidden.

10. Ministers of religion...should not be used as comic characters or as villains.

Phil Callaway is an award-winning author, speaker, and daddy of three. The best-selling author of twenty-four books, Phil has been called “the funniest Canadian alive,” but never by his school teachers. www.philcallaway.ab.ca

—Phil Callaway

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features

meet an ENTERTAINER These guys stay true to their faith in uniquely challenging jobs

Leland Klassen: Stand-up Comedian How does being a Christian affect the way you do your job?

Being a Christian affects my character, which in turn affects the way I do comedy. I do “clean” comedy. Some other comedians think it must be really difficult to keep it clean, but it’s not for me. It’s the way I’ve always done it. If it was difficult to keep it clean, I’d probably have to question how my relationship with Christ was doing.

How does your work challenge your faith?

I do lots of different types of shows, and each brings unique challenges. When I work church shows, the challenges are very different. Sometimes it’s just about working with the pastor to do the kind of outreach he wants for his community. When I work in a comedy club, I’m a light in the darkness, and the staff watches everything I say and do, both on and off the stage. I wish I could say that my content has always been Christ-like, but working comedy shows me that I need God’s grace all the time.

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Wally Buono: B.C. Lions Football Coach How does being a Christian affect the way you do your job?

Having a personal relationship with Christ and having the promises of the written Word give purpose, meaning and the ability to deal with all that’s put in front of you. It allows you to keep balance in your life because you know that your job is very important, that the results are important, but that they’re not who you are or what fulfills you. God creates us with gifts and He expects us to use our gifts to do our jobs well, and also to honour Him through it all.

How does your work challenge your faith?

I don’t know that I’ve really faced any major challenges because of my belief that Christ is our Lord and Saviour. It’s not like certain countries where being a Christian brings on persecution and, at times, imprisonment and death. But I do believe that your life and actions are closely watched and that you must live a Christian life, not just speak it. That’s not always easily accomplished.

Drew Brown: Singer, Songwriter, Church Music Director How does being a Christian affect the way you do your job?

My spiritual life and growth plays a huge part in how I facilitate worshipping God through song and scripture. In terms of being a songwriter and musician, every song I write is inspired by my faith— whether it’s meant to be played in a sanctuary or a concert venue.

How does your work challenge your faith?

I’ve been blessed that the faith-related challenges are pretty minimal. On the one hand, I’ve seen how people who may not be familiar with “church culture” react to me with complete confusion and sometimes disgust when they find out I work at a church. They ask, “You’re a music pastor? Why?” On the other hand, when churchgoers hear that I’m playing in non-church venues, I also get the same looks of confusion and disgust. “You’re playing in a bar? Playing rock and roll music? Why?” As a singer/songwriter, it’s my goal to create a connection through music between the listener’s experience and the story I’m telling— whether it be God’s story or something from my own journey.

Jon Ted Wynne: Actor, Writer and Filmmaker How does being a Christian affect the way you do your job?

I’ve been vocal on certain issues, such as content.

For the Christian artist in the acting profession— which is a secular profession by and large—you’re going to come up against issues of content. If a play has a lot of bad language, what do you do about that? As a Christian artist you have to think about it. I know Christian artists who will say, “You have to be true to the character.” And they have no problems saying certain things. I do. I have turned down roles many, many times. I firmly believe that every actor has a line they won’t cross. But a lot of them don’t know it. I know where my line is, and I know where it is from hard experience. And it can still be very hard to confront that with a director or producer.

How does your work challenge your faith?

The biggest challenge is how others perceive you when they know that you’re a Christian. When I became a Christian in 1985, I was very vocal about it. I think that put down some roots in the artistic community, and I came to be perceived a certain way.

And I still encounter that, actually. I certainly have been discriminated against. Most people in the acting community know that I’m a Christian. That’s saved me a lot of grief, but it’s also caused a lot of discrimination.

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features

Football wives:

DRAFTED OR SHAFTED? It’s hard to get into the game when your wife’s blowing the whistle.

by Mags Storey

It’s football night at a sports bar in Toronto.

Chicken wings are piled high on the table.

The B.C. Lions are wiping the field with the Toronto Argonauts. And I’m sitting next to arguably one of the most faithful and dedicated fans the “Boatmen” have ever produced.

Ryan McClelland has been a season ticket holder since getting his first real paycheque.

He co-founded the Argos tailgate party, and met with the past three presidents of the team.

He has the phone numbers of a few players on his Blackberry. And don’t even get him started on the cheerleaders.

“I was born into it,” Ryan says. “My first memories are of blazing hot summer days at Exhibition Stadium watching a team that Dad assured me would one day win the Grey Cup again.

“Football is a thinking man’s sport. It’s truly the most well thought out and coordinated thing this side of when NATO invades somebody. The strategy alone is engrossing and that is to say nothing of the individual acts of athletic prowess and the human aspects of the players, coaches and cities that they represent.”

He figures about 75 per cent of the hardcore fans he knows are guys, with the female population consisting largely of fans’ wives or girlfriends. I ask him if he’s ever seen a woman get upset over her man’s dedication to the game. Ryan just shakes his head.

“Yeah,” he says, “and it’s pretty sad. Any woman who cares about me would know that this is a major thing for me. But some women feel like they have to compete for their fella’s attention against a sporting event.”

Sports widow The existence of “the mythical football widow… who is deserted by her husband on Sunday afternoon as he heeds the siren call of NFL games” was reported in a 2005 Gallup Reid survey, that found the vast majority of American men claimed to be both devoted football and baseball fans.

It’s not that there aren’t millions of women passionately devoted to sports—it’s just that there are fewer of them than men, leaving more game-on husbands paired to sports-shy

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wives. For example, Neilson reports that just a third of NFL ticket holders are women, while Gallup finds the same is true for baseball.

When you take a look at those who play in their spare time, Statistics Canada reports that 43 per cent of Canadian men participate in amateur sports, as opposed to only 25 per cent of women. And when it’s a competitive sport, male involvement outnumbers female two to one.

It’s all about heart According to Steve Kearns, chaplain for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats, the question more husbands should be asking, is “What would motivate my wife to come out to the game?”

He would know. Before joining Athletes in Action, Steve played for both the Ti-Cats and Lions, as well as spending 30 years devoted to a soul mate “who only kind of gets it.”

Steve met his wife Georgie while he was playing college football for Liberty University, Virginia.

“She enjoyed coming to watch me of course,” Steve says, “and she’d go with me to a game. But she wouldn’t ever watch a game alone on television.”

He finds women tend to need a relationship-type connection to a sport.

“It’s about relationships for women,” he says. “Generally men watch for the game and women watch for personalities.

They watch because they care about some person involved. I have a great aunt in Detroit would watch when my brother and I were playing, then call to say she saw us on television.”

Part of the team Amie Reid and her husband John started coaching amateur soccer when their eldest daughter was 10.

“We started coaching together, since it was a sport that was new to us,” she says.

“Last year, John coached our eldest daughter’s team, I coached another in the house league and was team manager for John’s team.”

She suggests women who are baffled by their husband’s desire to hit the field should consider volunteering. And she’s not alone. There are now almost an equal number of male and female amateur coaches in Canada, as well an equal number of men and women taking part in administrative and supportive roles.

There’s also been a dramatic increase in the number of women getting involved as referees, officials and umpires.

“And guys,” Amie says, “if she won’t watch or coach, invite her to play or simply bring equipment to the park. If you have kids, get them to play too. If she doesn’t understand the game, playing it will help her understand a little more about it, so when you are watching the game she can start to follow along.”

Running down the clock Steve also suggests men consider how much time they’re devoting to the game.

He still remembers the moment he asked his wife to come home early from a baby shower so he could go play hockey.

“My wife is really, really great,” he says.

“She knows I enjoy this stuff. But we had a really good discussion about it. I could go to hockey anytime, and she did not go to a shower every single week. It just made me aware that maybe, yeah, I have to give this up.”

It’s not just time spent out at games that can be an issue. According to Statistics Canada, while men watch half-anhour more television a day then their wives, they tend to spend only a quarter of the time she does on cooking, cleaning or housework. That’s enough to make a few extra innings a big source of tension.

Newlywed Greg Rose says he quickly discovered the secret to marital bliss was to find a way to combine both. “My wife absolutely hates football,” says the Buffalo Bills fan. “So when I’m sitting downstairs watching, she’ll dump a load of laundry in front of me, and I fold it.”

Father of two, Jason Green, says he makes sure to get the dishes done while listening to baseball. He adds getting a

that PVR to record the hockey “helped save his marriage.”

“I then put it on when she’s doing other things,” he says, “and I can fast forward through the commercials so it doesn’t take as long.”

His wife Lacey agrees. “It was very frustrating when he suddenly wanted to watch three hours of hockey every night,” she says. “I consider hockey a mild form of torture. But the PVR is a wonderful thing.”

Honour among teams Jason is a core member of Christian Sports in Barrie, which is run by his father Joe. He also coaches his church’s co-ed baseball team.

He says he always aims to honour his wife through the sports he chooses to play—especially in terms of keeping his attitude in check.

“There was some tension with him playing hockey early on Saturday mornings,” Lacey says, “because he would then be tired or cranky all day. So he came up with the compromise of playing every other week.”

“I’m an aggressive person if I have the opportunity,” Jason says, “so I have to check myself all the time. I play on co-ed teams, or in defense, because it’s less competitive. It’s like drinking—as a Christian you need to know your limits.

“The key is to try to find the balance,” he says, “and make sure you are sensitive to your partner’s feelings.”

Steve adds, “Sometimes I hear guys saying, ‘Oh, you know, that’s just part of the game.’ And I have to think, should that be part of somebody that believes in Jesus? God’s not compartmentalized.

I need to treat my teammates and opponents the way Jesus would treat them.

I need to treat my wife as Jesus would treat her. Sports are just another area of life where I need to apply all the principles of being a believer and keep things in perspective.”

Mags Storey is Ontario correspondent for ChristianWeek and author of If Only You Knew.

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features

joseph: THE DAD WHO WAS The surrogate father of the Son of God is a great model for fathers to follow.

by Doug Koop

For at least the past couple of generations, fathers have been getting a bad rap in our society. Some of it is well deserved. The ranks of fatherhood contain way too many deadbeat dads and wife-beaters, self-absorbed workaholics and perpetual adolescents. Or men who are simply absent from their children’s lives. Nowadays we are even apt to dismiss the earnest responsible types as nostalgic Ward Cleaver wannabes. One result is that a lot of men are living down to expectations. They’ve been getting the message they are inadequate and accepting their diminished role with a careless shrug.

But fathers are tremendously important to the wellbeing of any culture, as the havoc wreaked by family breakdown is so painfully making clear in our own. This needs to turn around.

Simply being present is a good starting place for good fathering. Numerous studies are marshalling irrefutable data proclaiming that life without father is a lesser life indeed. Children benefit from positive relationships with their fathers, who contribute to their children’s healthy development in ways that are unique from mothers. Things go so much better when both father and mother are joyfully serious about parenting together.

It should come as no surprise that the Bible holds fathers in high esteem, judging them worthy of honour and investing them with large responsibilities. The Christian holy book contains real life stories about dads good and bad.

Among the good examples we find Joseph, the man who raised Jesus as he would his own child. He was the dad who was there. Tellingly, Scripture also uses the name of Father to describe the relationship of God to humanity. This is no trite point. Disregarding the demands of fatherhood disrespects the Creator’s best designs for us.

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Lead, guide and direct I grew up under the tutelage of a good dad, a man who wanted to be available to his children when they were young. He was easy for me to approach (unless, of course, there was something I wanted to hide from him). He was responsible and caring. He was not an abuser or slacker or spendthrift or any of the other bad things maligning the reputation of fathers in Canada today.

I never knew my dad to be domineering or dictatorial. Never flashy and hard driven, he tended to be gentle in his manner, yet firm in his convictions—the sort of man it’s not hard to honour. He took care of the basics. He loved his family and provided for us. He pursued his own vocation with steadfast dedication.

God has rated very high on Dad’s priority list. He values time in Scripture and prays with consistent regularity.

Like many praying men, my father developed a stock of well-worn phrases that would flow readily and habitually off his tongue like drops from a dripping icicle.

There were times when his expressions struck my youthful ears as peculiar. Why, for example, would Dad ask the Lord to “lead, guide and direct” on any given day?

This seemed redundant to an impatient and impertinent young man, a clumsy way to unnecessarily lengthen a prayer.

But like many sons, I discovered that a father’s store of wisdom grows larger as his children pass through adolescence and venture into adulthood. A couple of decades further on I began to recognize in my father some of the very qualities he described in his customary prayer. Many a good habit is absorbed through familiarity, and Dad’s way was to lead by example, to go about his business and invite his children to watch and learn. In some practices, he had to wait a long, long time before the lesson even began to take hold.

There were also occasions when Dad’s guidance was more companionable, when he’d come alongside and guide with

nuggets of knowledge, subtle suggestions and encouraging words. And of course there were those instances when it was necessary for him to be directive—to instruct with an expectation of immediate obedience. Then he could be precise, speaking and admonishing with unmistakable clarity. No ambiguity.

The message was clear and compliance mandatory. I usually took heed.

Disappointing Dad wrought no joy.

One righteous dad My own dad reminds me of the biblical character Joseph, a background sort of guy with a dependable streak. These are good qualities, and one can learn a lot from men who lead, guide and direct like my dad and Joseph.

How is it that we know so little about Joseph, the surrogate father of the Son of God? While the spotlight shines especially brightly on Mary and her precious baby during the Christmas season, it’s a good idea to look a little harder at the scene and consider the ordinary Joe standing unobtrusively in the background. The story could not have happened without him.

Joseph’s involvement with the Son of God begins well before the scene in the stable. From what we know, Joseph was a tradesman (a builder) in the Galilee region of Israel, trying to craft an honest livelihood and maintain his religious observances in a country ruled with ruthless efficiency by a distant empire. He lived at a time when being unobtrusive was a lot safer than getting noticed. And that seems to have been Joseph’s natural style. He wasn’t much interested in changing the world.

He just wanted to live his life as the quiet in the land—find a wife, settle down and raise a family according to the faith of his fathers. It’s a natural desire.

Things started out well enough.

Joseph found a girl he liked and asked her to marry him. She said yes. But then something absolutely unexpected

THERE occurred. He learned that Mary was pregnant, and he was about the only person in the world who knew the child wasn’t his own. Joseph was no doubt devastated, embarrassed and angry.

In his mind, the marriage was over before it really began.

But it’s exactly in this trouble spot where Joseph’s essential good character begins to shine through. When he heard the shocking news of Mary’s pregnancy, his honour required him to call off the wedding plans. But he was a kind man.

In order to spare Mary the scorn of her fellow villagers and the long-term burden of sexual disgrace, he was willing to keep everything quiet. Revenge was far from his mind. His actions took Mary’s wellbeing into consideration even though he had every reason to believe she had betrayed him. No wonder the Bible calls him an “upright” man.

Things get weird Trustworthy Joseph was then in for another big surprise. Here we have an ordinary man with a big problem who— reluctantly and with mixed emotions—has just determined a course of action. And then things get really weird. Joseph has a dream that upends his priorities and reverses his plans. His dream involves none other than “the angel of the Lord,” who appears to him and explains that Mary hasn’t been fooling around like all the evidence suggests.

Rather, she is carrying in her womb the very Son of God “and you,” Joseph, “must name him Jesus, because he is the one to save his people from their sins.” The angel offers a few more explanations before disappearing. And the only thing the Bible tells us is that “when Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had told him to do.”

This is strange, but a couple of things do stand out. As I read it, Joseph was a devout man who was already open to the leading

of God. Admittedly, a visit from an angel could easily have captured his attention like a two-by-four to the side of the skull.

But Joseph doesn’t seem unduly surprised by a vision from the Almighty. He takes it in stride, and adjusts his life accordingly.

That’s the second thing: Joseph is obedient. When he gets an understanding of what his responsibility is, he takes it seriously and sets his course. So, we can assume, he willingly endured a measure of public ridicule and local scandal because he knew something unusual was godly and true. He was willing to stay a difficult course in order to protect someone else.

That’s a great quality in a man, a characteristic likely to get a workout in fatherhood.

The best known Bible story about Joseph is the journey to Bethlehem he takes with Mary. His fiancée is “great with child” and Joseph is hard-pressed to find a place for them to stay. He finally negotiates with an innkeeper for a place in the stable where Jesus Christ is born.

The story then soars once again beyond Joseph. Angels appear to shepherds, who make a great to-do about the newborn babe. But nary a word from Joseph. Wise men from the East arrive to pay homage and bestow wonderful gifts. Nary a word from Joseph.

Dad on duty But there is never any doubt that he is the dad on duty. And when danger arises, he is alert and takes preventive action. In his case, jealous King Herod wants to kill any possible competitors and orders the death of infant males. Once again, Godhonouring Joseph gets a visit from an angel and flees with his family to safety in Egypt.

Joseph, it appears, is one of those who is able to lead, guide and direct with a minimum of fuss and bother. A solid guy.

And this is why Joseph, whose has no speaking lines in the Bible (his name appears scarcely 10 times), has been revered and emulated through the ages.

(He is the patron saint of 15 countries around the world, including Canada.)

Joseph is the very model of positive masculinity. He pays attention to God; he is kind to others; he supports and protects his family; he pursues his profession, and in due course he releases his offspring to pursue their own calling. He doesn’t draw undue attention to himself, but takes decisive action whenever it is called for.

Joseph is a great example for fathers in any era to imitate.

Doug Koop is editorial director of Fellowship for Print Witness, publishers of the ChristianWeek family of newspapers and SEVEN magazine.

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 25

money matters

Give more to spend less Focus your spending to find more ways to be generous

by Paul Emerton

“And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8).

Most of us would like to manage our money better, but if you’re like me, cutting costs is a real chore.

Here are some easy-to-do tips to help you hold onto your money without having to make major changes in your lifestyle.

Pick and choose among them, and see how satisfying being a thriftier spender can be!

Set a weekly budget. Keep a lid on dayto-day spending by taking a set amount of cash out of the bank each week and making it last the entire week. Using a credit card would be cheating!

Rethink what you drink. Choose tap water over pop. The average Canadian drinks more than one can of pop a day.

Replacing that pop with a drink of water will save a family of four close to $2,400 a year.

Keep the tip. Instead of going out to dinner with friends, organize a supper club.

A restaurant dinner for six can cost $200, but you can buy ingredients for a threecourse meal for $50.

Take five. Save every five dollar bill you get. They add up quickly and can be used to pay down debt, as a ‘luxury fund’ or for unexpected expenses.

Consider your daily Tim Hortons coffee.

If you stop at Tim’s once a day, or even once a week, add up your weekly purchases and multiply the total by 52. You will be amazed at what you spend “always having time for Tim Hortons!”

Look but don’t touch. Researchers have proven that shoppers who hold an object for 30 seconds are far more likely to buy—

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 26

and pay more for it. So admire wanted items from a distance.

Don’t phone home. Your landline telephone easily costs $40 to $50 per month or more. Consider getting rid of it and relying solely on your cell phone.

Be a super shopper. Eat a meal before going to the grocery store. Once there, shop only the perimeter. Grocers position most of what you need near the store walls, and the less necessary, but more impulsively purchased items in the aisles.

Once you’ve got your spending habits harnessed, you’ll be able to fulfill your desire to save more and give more. Here are some tips to help you focus on being a generous giver as God calls you to be.

Focus your generosity. Clearly define your priorities to focus your giving. Donate to charities that mean something to you and your family values. Do you know someone with multiple sclerosis, cancer, or some other medical condition? Do you want to alleviate poverty in developing nations or support Bible translation?

After identifying the good you want to do in the world, look for reputable organizations that share your values.

Focus your giving on a small group of charities, rather than donating less money to more agencies—your gifts will have more of an impact.

Plan to be generous. Set measureable goals like donating five per cent of your annual income or $5,000 per year. Review your giving at year’s end and set new goals for the next year.

Don’t wait to give. Even if you are currently in debt or have limited resources, you can still give your time. Christmas is a good time to help your local food bank or work in a soup kitchen. Look for opportunities to serve.

Generous giving is our higher purpose, so pray for God’s guidance and strength as you strive toward the goal of thrifty spending and generous giving habits.

The reason for the Season isn’t the gifts we buy but the Christ child in our hearts as we celebrate Jesus’ birth. From the FaithLife Financial family to yours, we wish you and your family peace, hope and love.

Paul Emerton is a Certified Financial Planner and Trainer at FaithLife Financial. www.faithlifefinancial.ca

Out of my depth

Surprised by laughter Among God’s many creatures, only human beings laugh."

by Phil Wagler

Life is serious business. There are bills to pay. There are people to please and those we’d rather not please. There are children to discipline and marriages to work on.

There are strained relationships. There are “honey-do” lists to be done today and “what-I-want-to-do” lists that get set aside for tomorrow, again. There are disappointments and challenges. There are wars and rumours of wars. Life can be seriously sufferable; how is one to cope?

Abraham Lincoln faced much as Civil War president before a bullet took him down at Ford’s Theatre. In light of the sobering leadership challenges he faced, Lincoln said, “With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.”

Ironically, the most revered of presidents was assassinated during the funniest line of the play “Our American Cousin.” John Wilkes Booth intentionally waited for the burst of laughter to muffle his shot that changed history. Suffering and laughter are strange and oxymoronic bedfellows.

We all know this is true. As Jack Handy of “Saturday Night Live” once said, “Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.” Great comedians can take the serious stuff of life, even the politically incorrect, and surprise us with an angle of thought, a twist of the tongue, an irreverent notion, that tickles the funny bone. In that strange moment something wonderful happens: we laugh. You can try to suppress it, but you have to be seriously stubborn—and perhaps comatose—to contain a good chuckle. A laugh is a beautifully surprising thing and it’s upon that part of our nature that comedians prey.

“Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs,” wrote the crusty

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, “he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.” While Nietzsche, whose ideas on the death of God and the meaninglessness of life still shape our culture, might not exactly be considered a reliable source of snigger therapy— except for perhaps his wild 19th century mustache—he might be on to something.

Human beings uniquely, among all God’s creatures, laugh. Even hyenas are only “laughing” because we think they do.

Given the other possibilities for coping with the sobering realities we face, laughter may very well not only be the best option, but a divine gift. It may, in fact, be part of the image of God in us.

The laughter of God’s creation interrupts our reality with His faithfulness, often in spite of our sad attempts at humouring ourselves.

God gave Abram a promise that through him all nations on Earth would be blessed.

Quite an unlikely promise given that Abram and Sarai were childless and beyond even Viagra-aid. The idea of those two procreating is kind of like going down the fearful path of thinking about your grandparents “doing it.” Yeah, enough said. Nevertheless, God keeps His word.

The impossible becomes reality and the suffering couple’s hopeless, faith-filled journey into retirement is upended by the

arrival of a bouncing baby boy when Abraham is 100. They boy is named Isaac, which means, “he laughs.” Sarah rejoices, “God has made laughter for me…”

(Genesis 21:6). God makes laughter— what a marvelous thought.

Have you ever thought that God loves to make us laugh? Where is God making laughter for you?

The laughter of God’s making that refreshes and washes the soul is most often surprising. Sarah had attempted to create hilarity by giving Abraham her maidservant and Abe, the drooling old fart, went along with it. That didn’t go so well and created bitterness, competition and a lot of difficult conversations around the nomadic campfire.

Conversely, the laughter of God’s creation surprisingly interrupts our reality with His faithfulness, often in spite of our sad attempts at humouring ourselves.

God’s laughter-making is hinted at in the art of the comedic, but is only truly experienced in the discipline of being open to surprise. And, the discipline of surprise is a position of faith that is sure God alone can invade the mundane and even the painful with the surprise of a smile, a giggle and eventually a hearty belly laugh that can revolutionize the world as we know it.

In that light, laughter may very well be a gateway to worship—the suffering human beings wonder and surrender to the God who will one day wipe away every tear and fill our mouths with shouts of joy.

Phil Wagler is a father of five who keep him laughing and pastor to many who remind him to keep laughing at himself. He is the author of Kingdom Culture: Growing the Missional Church and lives in the lower mainland of British Columbia.

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 27

Great games. Great toys.

Great gadgets.

Reviews by Sandy McMurray

LA-Z-BOY CHILL RECLINER

APPLE TV

www.apple.com/appletv Apple Inc. has sold millions of iPods and iPhones. Once known only for its computers, Apple has become the company to beat in the consumer electronics business.

The latest revolution is in the living room. The new Apple TV, introduced in September, offers a simple way to rent movies and TV shows on demand, via the iTunes store. Apple TV also streams content from YouTube, Flickr and MobileMe, as well as music, photos and videos from PCs and Macs to your HD TV. Anything you already purchased in iTunes can also be played on Apple TV. All you need is a wireless network and an HD TV. There are other companies that are trying to do the same thing (see Boxee.com, for example) but the new Apple TV is smaller and cheaper ($119) and offers extra features to people who already use iTunes, iPhone or iPad. The U.S. version of Apple TV includes live video streaming of content from Netflix, a video service that has just entered Canada (see netflix.ca). No one “owns” this slice of the consumer electronics market yet, so it will be interesting to see how this develops.

(Thanks, once again, to the early adopters out there who bought the first generation of these products and helped to drive the price down for the rest of us.)

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 28

www.lazboy.com Once you have your HD TV and your video on demand, you may never want to leave your living room again. Now all you need is a comfortable chair. A comfortable chair with a cooler inside.

Now, thanks to La-Z-Boy, you don’t have to leave the room to get a drink. The new La-Z-Boy “Chill” is a full recliner with a fliparm thermo-electric cooler. You can chill six 12-ounce cans at a time, and refill when necessary.

Feeling tense? No problem. Chill also means relaxation. Lean back and enjoy the built-in heat and massage features while you recline.

The 500 channel universe makes it easy to spend the day in your chair. La-Z-Boy makes it easy to stay there.

Naturally, classic Monopoly is still available for those who prefer to collect paper money when they win second prize in a beauty contest.

GALCON FUSION

www.galcon.com Imagine a game of Risk where all the players move simultaneously, and the results are determined instantly by a referee. Now imagine that game in space, about 10 times faster, using rockets instead of armies. That’s Galcon Fusion.

Play is simple. Select one of the planets you control, then select another planet. A fleet of your ships takes off and zooms toward the target. If the planet is

MONOPOLY REVOLUTION EDITION

www.hasbro.com/monopoly The world’s most popular board game celebrates its 75th anniversary this year with several new editions including a new spin on an old favourite. Monopoly Revolution updates the game with a round board, an electronic banker and debit cards instead of paper money. Monopoly UBuild goes one step further and eliminates the board entirely, offering instead game pieces that are used to build the board as you go.

My favourite version is Mega Monopoly.

The board is bigger, with one more property added to each colour set. New cards (bus tickets) let you skip ahead to a space you choose instead of rolling the dice. When you finish building hotels, you can build skyscrapers to collect even more rent. And there’s an extra six-sided die with special symbols, which speeds up the start and finish of each game.

undefended, you take control. If someone else is there already, combat begins and the biggest fleet wins. New ships are produced every second, with the largest planets making the most ships. Good locations and fast movements are key to winning the game.

Galcon Fusion, available for $10 for iPad, PC and Mac, includes live online multiplayer so you can challenge your

power play

friends (up to 12 players at once).

A simpler version of the game is also available for iPhone, Android and Palm devices.

GOOD OLD GAMES

www.gog.com Can you be nostalgic for something that happened just 10 years ago? Good Old Games (gog.com) hopes the answer is yes.

The site sells “classic” PC video games from a decade ago, tuned up to work with recent versions of Windows and stripped of annoying copy protection. All the games are legitimate—you just pay less now that you would have 10 years ago. Games include Prince of Persia (the original), Earthworm Jim, King’s Quest, Myst to Far Cry and Total Annihilation, among others. If your game is from 1999 (or so) check out GOG.

TELEGRAM STOP

www.telegramstop.com E-mail, text and tweets have made personal communication so easy, so immediate, that it’s easy to forget how things used to be. Person to person communication has become trivial.

Once upon a time, not that long ago, telegraphy was the Twitter of its day. It was suddenly possible to send written messages over long distances without physical transport of letters. Like most new technology, telegrams were expensive, so people only sent important messages and used as few words as possible. It was a big deal to receive a message this way.

Telegram Stop is a modern service that aims to revive the art of the telegram. For just $5.65 you can send a special message on a vintage-looking card to anyone you want, anywhere in the world. (You can pay extra for speedy

delivery or to include a photo if you wish, but the basic service is the same price no matter where your telegram is going.)

Go to TelegramStop.com, enter the text of your message, then tell them where and when you want it delivered. They print and send your message on a handsome collectable card that’s more collectable artifact than disposable message. You can even send your message into the future by pre-ordering a message to be delivered on a specific date.

Next time, instead of sending a birthday card, why not send a telegram?

TIME TRAVEL SUPPLIES

www.826national.org/stores www.laughingsquid.com/echo-parktime-travel-mart 826 National is a non-profit tutoring, writing and publishing organization with locations in eight cities across the United States. Their goal is to help students with their writing skills, and to help teachers get their classes excited about writing.

One of the ways 826 inspires creativity is through specialty themed retail stores stocked with unusual products. San Francisco has a Pirate Supply store that sells peg legs and glass eyes. Brooklyn’s Superhero Supply Company offers grappling hooks, masks and custom-fitted capes. Ann Arbor, Michigan’s Liberty Street Robot Supply & Repair Shop specializes in must-have mechanical conveniences.

My favourite 826 store is the Echo Park Time

Travel Mart in Los Angeles. Products include ray guns, barbarian repellant and cosmetics that are tested only on extinct animals.

Visit the website and check out the photos of these crazy and creative projects.

INFLATABLE FRUITCAKE

www.inflatablefruitcake.com It’s festive, it’s traditional and it’s inedible—just like the real thing. It’s Inflatable Fruitcake, the greatest invention in the history of useless gifts!

Open the package, inflate and set on your table as an attractive centrepiece. It’s always fresh, never leaves crumbs and deflates for easy storage. When the holidays are over, just pack it away with your other decorations.

Reusable and regiftable, Inflatable Fruitcake is lighter than real fruitcake, so it’s cheaper to mail to relatives. Each vinyl fruitcake comes deflated with an envelope and a decorative sticker for mailing it to family and friends.

Sandy McMurray, father of four, writes about toys, gadgets and other fun stuff on his web site FunSpot.ca

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 29

What women want

The curse of great expectations Take off the tinted glasses to achieve true marital bliss

by Sheila Wray Gregoire

When you were married, I’m sure you could have completed this sentence: “My wife will…” Want sex three times a day? Scrub the toilets? Stay home with the kids? Believe I’m the greatest? We all have preconceived notions entering marriage. It’s as if, during that wedding ceremony, we don’t just slide on wedding rings, but we also put on tinted glasses, coloured by the expectations we place on each other.

When your wife inevitably doesn’t conform to your expectations, though, you likely don’t chuck your glasses. You’re far more likely to pout, “What is her major malfunction?” You know the way the world should work; she’s obviously wrong by not jumping on the bandwagon.

Early in our marriage my husband and I were engaged in this fruitless back and forth, where we each had unmet expectations of the other. I thought he would adore giving back massages while feeding me chocolate truffles; he thought I would want sex at every opportunity.

He ended up convinced I was selfish; I ended up believing he was pathetic.

Then one day, in an epiphany, I threw off my glasses. Instead of expecting him to be what I wanted, I decided that I would meet his needs, whether or not he met mine. I would be the best wife in the world!

I would never say no, and he would fall at my feet in adoration.

I lived up my plan. I said yes constantly.

But a few weeks into my transformation, he sighed and complained, “I just feel like we never make love.”

I was incensed! In righteous indignation, I grabbed a pocket calendar and decided to surreptitiously keep track of all the times we had sex. The next time he whined, I whipped out that calendar and told him,

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 30

“You have nothing to complain about, Buster.”

We obviously had more work to do both on communication and on sex, but that episode confirmed for me how we tend to compartmentalize each other, expecting that we will stick to already established patterns. We may start out in marriage expecting our spouses to be wonderful; but when they fail, we start to expect the worst. He’s the one who’s lazy and doesn’t know what a mop is for. She’s the one who’s the drill sergeant and doesn’t let anybody have fun at home. He’s a workaholic. She’s a shopaholic. We can all too easily pigeon-hole our spouses into categories that we don’t like.

What happens if your spouse wants to fly out of that hole and change? You don’t necessarily notice.

Recently I was talking with a woman whose marriage was falling apart. She rattled off a litany of complaints about her husband’s lack of ability to communicate.

But as her story unfolded, I found myself sympathizing with the maligned spouse.

To me, it sounded like he was trying to change their communication dynamic by asking clarification questions, like “So you think I’m being too rigid about our schedule?”

She thought he was just being smart, saying not, “Let me understand what you are saying,” but instead, “you really believe something that stupid?” For the last few months that man had been attempting “Love Dare” type changes, similar to the ones made popular through the Fireproof movie, loving his wife despite her reaction.

Whatever he tried, though, she interpreted it in a negative light. It was her loss. Here was a man who was ready to build a new marriage, and she just wouldn’t see it.

Maybe it’s time you chucked your tinted glasses, too. Don’t read between the lines.

Don’t try to finish each other’s sentences.

Don’t assume that if she goes up to bed early it’s because she doesn’t want to make love; maybe she’s hoping you’ll follow her. Don’t assume that if she’s quiet it means she’s mad at you.

When she speaks, listen to her words, and pretend it’s a stranger who was saying it. Would you bristle if a stranger asked, “how was your day?” Of course not. If a stranger started discussing how busy your schedule was, you’d analyze it, not assume you were being led down a guilt trip. If you could talk peacefully about something with a stranger, then why not try to do so with your wife?

God says that He buries our sin deep in the ocean, and He chooses to remember it no more. That’s a choice we can make, too.

We can choose to see our spouses as new creatures, everyday, instead of as flawed creatures lugging around all the baggage we can’t let go of.

Maybe in your relationship you need a reset button, a way to go back to the beginning without all the petty hurts and counterproductive patterns you’ve developed. Don’t expect her to be hurtful.

Give her the benefit of the doubt. She may not catch on right away, but persist. And as you treat her like a new human being, you just may find that you’re married to a new human being, too.

Sheila is the author of several marriage books, including Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood. You can find her speaking at marriage conferences around the country, or at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com.

PK@Home Resources for your daily walk…

SEVEN Magazine

Men of Integrity Devotional

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Make the most of your commuting time by listening to these inspiring messages on the critical issues in your life.

Available in a CD or MP3 download.

Visit www.PromiseKeepers.ca to receive your copies.

seven – issue fifteen november–december, 2010 page 31

a gift that keeps p on

giving giv ggi ivi vin vi iing ngg

Christmas is a time for giving with an open heart.

Life insurance is a s i m p l e w a y t o p ro v i d e a substantial gift for t o m o r ro w t o y o u r c o n g re g a t i o n o r favourite charity today.

To give thanks and live out your faith ‌ and leave a lasting legacy.

May you experience a blessed Christmas, and all the joy that giving to others brings.

W W W. F A I T H L I F E F I N A N C I A L . C A

1-800-563-6237

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