The Marriage Issue (January/February 2015)

january – february, 2015 newsstand price cdn $4.95

The Marriage Issue Better Together, Working as Husband and Wife Marriage Q&A Male Infertility Why God Loves Sex

national men’s conferences

Coming to cities across canada

“Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.” — 1 samuel 12:24

Register today: promisekeepers.ca | 1.888.901.9700

c ontent s

january – february, 2015 newsstand price cdn $4.95

january – february, 2015

ON THE COVER:

The Marriage Issue Marriage. It’s a high calling, but in today’s culture it can be a confusing and difficult road filled with obstacles. However, this issue of SEVEN asks the question, “is marriage more than just staying together?” and how we can die to ourselves in pursuit of something great together.

FEATURES: 12

The Marriage Issue Better Together, Working as Husband and Wife Marriage Q&A Male Infertility Why God Loves Sex

16

Better Together? | Neil Josephson When we live and work together, male and female, we can know God more fully and reflect Him more completely. Though keep these six things in mind when working together as husband and wife.

Ask a Counselor—Marriage Q & A | Doug Weiss There are many questions every husband think about but never ask. Christian counselor Dr. Doug Weiss answers them, including “How do you get along with a difficult father-in-law?” and “Help. My wife is addicted to Pinterest!”

22 Facing Infertility | Ron Edmondson Infertility affects many, yet often it’s viewed from the women’s perspective. We can easily miss the complex emotions and struggles that men face when it comes to infertility.

COLUMNS:

6

one – A promise keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and obedience to God’s Word in the power of the Spirit. two – A promise keeper is committed to pursuing Christ-centred friendships with a few other men, connecting regularly, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.

four – A promise keeper is committed to strengthening families and marriages through love, honour, protection, and biblical values. five – A promise keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources. six – A promise keeper is committed to reaching beyond racial, social, economic, generational, and denominational barriers to demonstrate that power of biblical unity.

PK Podium One

30 Man to Man

The Otherness of the Other 31

The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada.

three – A promise keeper is committed to practicing biblical integrity: spiritually, morally, ethically and sexually.

26 God Loves Sex | Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III It’s easy to forget sex was God’s idea, but the Bible makes it very clear, God loves sex. More than procreation, God intends sexual union for mutual pleasure, and drawing a husband and wife closer to each other.

5

SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.

seven – A promise keeper is committed to influencing the world by his fervent love for God while loving his neighbour, seeking justice for the poor and oppressed, and making disciples of Jesus Christ.

The Single Life Singles and Marriage

32 Sports Scene Raiders Quarterback finds his Way

34 8

DEPARTMENTS: 6

Music Review: Sing some new songs…

8 Pulse:

Bits. Blips. Beats. Blurbs.

34 Power Play:

Toys. Tools. Technology.

12 Publisher: Brian Koldyk Editorial Director: Jeff Stearns Managing Editor: Steven Sukkau Copyeditor: Kelly Rempel ADVERTISING Rick Verkerk rick@promisekeepers.ca 1.888.901.9700

25

EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD MARC BRULE: WellSpring Community Church STEVEN SUKKAU: ChristianWeek KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada MATT BREIMER: Promise Keepers Canada

EDITORIAL 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4 Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org

PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA Box 20099 RPO Brant Hills Burlington, ON L7P 0A4

DESIGN ’Segun Olude indigoinkstudios.com

Postmaster, please send address changes to : Box 20099 RPO Brant Hills, Burlington, ON L7P 0A4

Cover: iStockphoto

ISSN 1916-8403

(905) 331-1830 info@promisekeepers.ca

The PK Canada logo features a maple leaf, indicating our dedication to serve the men of Canada. An arrow breaks into the maple leaf symbolizing the impact we believe God wants to see Promise Keepers and men making in our nation.

A special thank-you to all the pastors who continually encourage us to communicate God’s truth with grace and love.

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 3

WE promise To give you great service and competitive insurance pricing

special INSURANCE rates for members of an evangelical church Please give us a call and see if you qualify for special rates on your AUTO-HOME-CONDO or TENANT insurance through the Evangelical Group Insurance Plan.

1-800-240-5283 www.deeksinsurance.ca Available in Ontario/Alberta/New Brunswick D.L. Deeks Insurance is a proud supporter of Promise Keepers

THE EVANGELICAL GROUP INSURANCE PLAN

P K Podium

One What comes to mind when you hear the word “One”?

By Kirk Giles

In the Bible, this word is more than a number – it is the description of one of the most profound mysteries and beautiful realities that God has created.

In Genesis 2:24, we read “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

God, the Creator of marriage, declares that the two are no longer separate individuals, but are now one flesh. This is more than a theological statement, it is a picture of the reality that God wants for your marriage and my marriage. When God uses words like this, we need to take notice. By using this word, He places this relationship as a greater priority than anything else in our life – other than Him. To some people, marriage is important because of the vows made before God. There is a firm conviction that because I made a vow to God, I will never leave my marriage. Unfortunately, that is only part of the picture.

I recently had the opportunity to interview Gary Thomas for the Promise Keepers Canada podcast. Gary is a best selling author and marriage expert. He recently wrote a book entitled, “A Lifelong Love.” The tag line of the book is what caught my attention – “What if marriage is about more than just staying together?”

This is one of the most important questions every married couple should think about.

When we simply stay together and agree to co-exist in our marriages, we are not really fulfilling the vows we made before God. Our vows were a commitment to pursuing something greater. They were a pledge to pursue the mystery of becoming one. If a husband and wife are simply “staying together” they have missed the glorious wonder of what God wants for every marriage – to become one.

Becoming one with another person is not an easy journey, but the rewards are worth every sacrifice. Significant parts of who you were when you were single, how you viewed life and time and money – all need to change.

There are far too many people who are trying to live like they are still single, even though they are married. In one vow, we go from “me” to “we.”

As men, we are called to be the ones who actively pursue this oneness. We are called to be the initiators who will die to ourselves so we can be one with our wife. The Bible tells a man that he is to “love his wife as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) The Church does not always love Jesus well, we do not always pursue being one with Him, and we do not always die to ourselves. Yet, Jesus has died for us, and He continues to love and pursue us. This is the standard of being a husband.

I know, this will not always be easy. We live in a world where we want everything to be quick and easy, but this is a lifelong journey together.

As you read this edition of Seven, it is our prayer that God will use this to strengthen your marriage in the journey of growing as one.

Kirk Giles is the president of Promise Keepers Canada. However, his most important roles as a man are husband to Shannon and father to Carter, Joshua, Sydney and Samuel.

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 5

music review

Sing some new songs…

Music Reviews by Aaron Epp

ANALOG LOVE IN DIGITAL TIMES (Part 1) Drew Brown Independent Drew Brown’s creativity seemingly knows no bounds. He is a gifted worship leader who currently serves as the Creative Arts Director at Trinity Church Streetsville in Mississauga, Ont. He is also a formidable singer-songwriter who writes and records pop-rock songs on which he plays nearly every instrument himself.

Brown released his debut album, From a Whisper to a Roar, in 2006. People who enjoyed that album have been waiting for a proper full-length follow-up ever since.

Now, more than eight years later, we have it. Released in December, Analog Love in Digital Times (Part 1) is a collection of 12 songs. Folk and electronic influences work their way into Brown’s deft pop-rock, which is reminiscent of bands like U2. It’s all topped off by Brown’s alluring voice, which calls to mind singers like Seal and Michael Tait.

All of the lyrics point to Brown’s faith in Jesus Christ.

“Analog Love in Digital Times is a collection of stories about life and of love — spiritual love, romantic love in all of its unique and brilliant intricacies and complications,” Brown said in a video on his YouTube page.

This is a fantastic album, and the “Part 1” suggests another collection of songs is on its way. Hopefully it won’t be eight years before we get to hear it.

Aaron Epp is a Winnipeg-based freelance writer and aspiring music critic.

SOVEREIGN Michael W. Smith Capitol/Sparrow Now into the fourth decade of his career, legendary singer-songwriter Michael W. Smith shows no signs of slowing down. In 2014, Smitty released three new albums. Hymns, a collection of traditional music, arrived in stores last March, while a duets album titled The Spirit of Christmas arrived just in time for the holidays.

Between those two albums, Smith released Sovereign.

Over the past 15 years, Smith’s albums have fallen into three broad categories: albums like Healing Rain (2004), Stand (2006) and Wonder (2010) contain original rock music that builds on the catalogue of work for which Smith first made a name for himself in the 1980s; albums like Freedom (2000) and Glory (2011) are instrumental projects that focus on Smith’s gifts as a composer; and albums like Worship (2001), Worship Again (2002) and A New Hallelujah (2008) feature worship music.

Sovereign falls into the third category.

It features a dozen songs that offer praise to God and encouragement to listeners who may be struggling through difficult circumstances.

That messaged is perhaps best exemplified in the lead single, “You Won’t Let Go,” which talks about how nothing can separate us from God’s love.

“No matter what comes your way, He’ll never turn His back on you,” Smith told CNB.com last year. “He’ll never leave you or forsake you. That’s the truth.

PILGRIMAGE Jars of Clay Gray Matters Jars of Clay have been together for 20 years, consistently releasing high-quality, folk-infused alternative rock with an emphasis on thoughtful melodies and lyrics.

They are one of the only Contemporary Christian Music bands that emerged in the mid-90s who are still around today, and they have managed to maintain the same line-up all of this time.

Along the way, they have received Grammy, American Music and Dove Awards nominations, released 16 #1 hit songs and sold millions of albums.

That’s worth celebrating, something the band takes the opportunity to do on its latest release, 20. The two-disc collection features 18 songs from the band’s catalogue, rearranged and re-recorded to give them a new spin.

The collection also includes two new songs, “Ghost on the Moon” and “If You Love Her,” that rank among the quartet’s strongest material.

The band allowed fans to choose which songs would appear on the double disc.

“There is weight attached to a collection of songs that people who have spent 20 years with us have chosen,” lead singer Dan Haseltine said in a news release. “It’s sacred space.”

The concept of reworking old material for a new release would fail in the hands of lesser musicians. Thankfully, Jars of Clay honour the sacred space they enter on 20 to create a moving album that will please old fans and earn them new ones as well.

Visit our PromiseKeepers.ca for the latest info, videos, audio messages, men’s articles, books and other resources.

SEVEN Magazine Men. God. Life.

A Christian magazine for Canadian men. Relevant, exciting and biblical.

Men of Integrity Devotional Especially written for men, personally challenging, eternally rewarding.

Available in a 60 page booklet or as an email devotional.

Visit us online at www.PromiseKeepers.ca and EQU I P

pulse

Bits + Blips. Beats + Blurbs.

By Steven Sukkau, PULSE Editor

BLIP

THE LONGEST CANADIAN MARRIAGE SPANS 80 YEARS

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 8

Most people have to look twice when they see the certificate, but yes Clem and Millie Mintz have been husband and wife for 80 years. World Wide Marriage Encounter has found them the longest lasting nuptials in Canada.

Clem, 100, and Millie, 95 celebrated last November in their hometown of Parry Sound.

Clem married Millie when she was just 15, with her family’s blessing, and together have survived World War Two, even though Clem returned from Italy after losing his leg. After recovering he got right back to work, creating artificial limbs for Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto until retiring in 1974.

Though now Millie and Clem fight another battle, as Millie struggles with Alzheimers. Yet Clem faithfully cares for his wife of 80 years, getting her dressed and fed in the morning and fed in their home.

In an interview with CBC, grandson Randy Higgins says theirs is an amazing love story, not only that their marriage has survived, but thrived.

It’s a long love, one that should inspire us all.

(CBC News)

pulse

BLURB

BRIDES BEWARE This is why you don’t get your minister on Kijiji. This poor Peterborough, Ontario couple had to suffer through one awkward moment after awkward moment. In a video the couple posted that has since gone viral, the often incoherent minister they found online repeats sections of his message, drops the rings, mispronounces words, uses the wrong names and generally is the worst officiant you could ever imagine.

“Can’t you just make something up?” The bride tersely suggests during an especially lengthy awkward pause.

For Jessica and Casey O’Donnell it was the ultimate lesson in ‘you get what you pay for’.

It probably came as a relief that, because the officiant wasn’t registered with the Province, the couple had to re-certify their nuptials in court.

Make sure to search up ‘The Irreverent Reverend George’ and be thankful no matter what went wrong at your own wedding, it could never be as bad as this.

(The Huffington Post)

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 9

pulse

WON’T DICE MY ONIONS? THROW A SNAKE What do you do when you can’t get diced onions? Throw snakes at your server. At least that what seemed an appropriate response for these two customers at Tim Hortons in Saskatoon.

The men became upset after the Tim Hortons employee explained they do not dice their onions, and the incident escalated until one of the men pulled a live snake and threw it over the counter at the staff.

“There was quite a lot of screaming going on,” spokeswoman Alyson Edwards told CBC. The two men were taken into custody shortly after, facing charges of mischief and causing a disturbance. The garter snake, nicknamed ‘Outlaw’ by police, has found a temporary home and will be back in the wilds of Saskatchewan this spring, far from terrified Tims customers and staff.

No one, including Outlaw, was injured in the incident. It’s safe to say no one had their onions diced either.

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 10

(CBC News)

BLIP

HOLLYWOOD STAR TAKES A BIBLICAL APPROACH TO MARRIAGE It took awhile, but when Oscar winning actor Matthew McConaughey was prepared to tie the knot with Camila Alves in 2012, he took a biblical approach.

In an interview with GQ magazine McConaughey explains, “We talked about it spiritually. We did a lot of reading and talked to a lot of people that had been divorced, a lot of people that had been happily married. We talked to our pastor. In the end, our understanding was, Let’s go make a covenant, with you, me, and God.” And even more than that, he explains just how fun and loving marriage can be, a picture of marriage Hollywood doesn’t usually preach.

“I had to get to the point where I saw it as more than just the thing to do.

I wanted to really want to. You know, I didn’t want it to be a destination; the fun is that we’re on the adventure together…Once that clicked with me and I didn’t have to intellectualize my way into it, I started to feel the excitement. I was having my own definition of the freedom I wanted thrown right back at me, in possibly a much greater way.”

That sounds like a true ‘McConaissance’ to me.

BLIP

(GQ)

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 11

fea tu r es

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 12

features

Better Together?

Living life on mission as husband and wife

By Neil Josephson

Many wonder whether or not husbands and wives should serve together. I will tip my hand right now, if you have the chance to do something meaningful together as a couple…do it. Based on our experience, you will accomplish more, you’ll have more fun and, even better, your relationship with your spouse and with God will grow deeper. However, what follows are six key issues to look out for.

The first part of our marriage was lived in parallel, in terms of vocation and service. We supported each other fully but the fact was we spent most of our energy and gifts independently.

We worked separately – Sharol as a TV news anchor and me in Christian higher education. We served at our church – separately. We served on boards and committees – separately.

We participated in and led international mission trips – separately. We volunteered in the community – separately. We led Bible studies – separately.

It was 20 years into our marriage before we first served together. Our pastor asked us to lead a marriage retreat for the church and more out of respect for him than anything, we agreed. I hope the couples that came to that event enjoyed it because it wasn’t much fun for us. Now, sixteen years later we are working together fulltime, leading FamilyLife Canada and loving it. Here are a few things we have learned along the way.

Do something you both care about.

If you want to build a great partnership working together – professionally or as volunteers - build it around something you both really want to engage in. Don’t choose to work or serve together simply to humour your spouse or to manipulate them for a favour of your own. Do it because you both see value, purpose and potential in the idea or project. If you don’t, wait for God to give you and your spouse a common passion for that thing or else lead you both to something different. Don’t force it.

There is plenty of need and opportunity and many ways to serve.

Start where you are and do what you can.

One of the biggest hurdles that keeps couples, or individuals for that matter, from doing something for the Kingdom of God is excellence. Excellence can intimidate us into inactivity. Because I can’t speak like Andy Stanley or write like John Ortberg or don’t have a great story like Lou Zamparini I won’t even try to say or write or do anything. But I say just start where you are and do what you can.

Look around. Pray for opportunities. The ones that come to you maybe not be particularly big events or projects but that could be great. You’ll have a smaller corner to experiment in, to see what works and what doesn’t, to figure out if you actually

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 13

fea tu r es

better together can serve together and stay married. You will get better at working together and enjoy it more as time goes by, but first you need to start. (If you are looking for options to do some ministry together as a couple, talk to the leaders in your church or check out familylifecanada.com) Articulate a clear, shared purpose.

Some candid conversation prior to jumping into a project will save you hours of repair conversation later. Trust me. Sharol and I typically have pretty strong convictions about the way things should get done. Sometimes we even agree. More often we have differences. We have learned that it is helpful to express to each other, in the plainest language we can manage, why we are doing this and what we hope to accomplish. We aim for a high level of agreement on this. We also invest time clarifying who is going to be responsible for what. If we can’t come up with some plan for sharing power and responsibility, we’re not really working together are we? And if we proceed on unspoken assumptions, well, if you have been married for more than a few days I am pretty sure you know how that turns out.

Craft some clear boundaries.

Because we really care about what we do and because we are empty-nesters, Sharol and I could pretty easily lose our marriage in our work. Here are three things we try to do that really help: • We only talk about work at home by mutual agreement.

• We don’t talk about work in bed or when we are on dates • Either one of us can end the work conversation by saying “we’re starting to talk about work” if we feel a boundary is about to get swamped.

Don’t work together as a strategy for fixing your relationship.

Serving and working together has indeed helped us grow in intimacy, trust, respect and appreciation for each other…but first it challenged all those things. We are living proof that you don’t need a flawless marriage before you can work together but we can also tell you honestly that if you are locked in a relational power struggle with your spouse or harbor unresolved

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 14

anger and hurt these things will surface under the pressure of serving and working together. Your life together will get more complicated not less. Serving together is an awesome growth experience but it is not a repair strategy.

Don’t quit doing your own things with your own gender.

One of the down sides of serving together, especially if you do it vocationally like we do, is that it can get a little claustrophobic.

It can be awkward to say to your spouse “Honey everywhere I turn, there you are…and that’s not a good thing right now.

I need some space.” I have heard those exact words. In a solid marriage, there should be some people and experiences you enjoy as a couple but each of you still needs some important friends and activities that belong to just you. Serving together should breathe some fresh air into your relationship, not suffocate it.

Two verses have really guided us through the ups and downs of our life together – our working life and our marriage in general. The first is probably the best marriage verse in the Bible: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephisans 5:27). When we put this teaching into play, our marriage and our working together is sweet. When we don’t, it is not. Open and shut, plain and simple. The second one is Genesis 1:27 – “ So God created humankind in his image, in the likeness of God he created them, male and female he created them.”

Somehow we are the same and we are different. This is a deep mystery but certainly it means that when we live and work together - male and female - we can know God more fully and reflect Him more completely. After 36 years of marriage, Sharol and I celebrate the fact that when we combine the gifts and talents entrusted to each of us we really are better together.

But don’t just take our word for it, discover that for yourselves.

Neil Josephson and his wife Sharol are the National Directors at Family Life Canada. They have come back to Canada after serving several years as Marriage and Family Pastors at Bayside Church in California.

AL N IO NY T A NA MP CO Serving the Residential, Industrial, Institutional & Municipal Markets

Harnessing the Power of Polymers Before

✔ We lift, align, under-pin & stabilize

settled slab-on-grade structures

✔ We densify and stabilize weak base

soils to increase bearing capacity ✔ We fill voided areas such as

sink-holes, wash-outs, etc After

www.poly-mor.ca

✔ Infrastructure repair

1 866 887 3835

ALBERTA  QUEBEC  ONTARIO  BRITISH COLUMBIA  MANITOBA  NEW BRUNSWICK  PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND NOVA SCOTIA  SASKATCHEWAN  NEWFOUNDLAND AND LABRADOR  YUKON  NORTHWEST TERRITORIES  NUNAVUT

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 15

fea tu r es

Ask a Counsellor— Marriage Q&A with Dr. Doug Weiss There are many questions every husband thinks about, but may never ask.

Christian counselor Dr. Doug Weiss is here with answers and solutions to some of the serious hurdles facing marriages today.

SEVEN: What are some key things a husband can do to make a marriage last?

DW: Forsaking all others is critical to make a marriage last and for a woman to feel safe. Practically this would mean no secret texting or e-mailing other women, not having a separate Facebook or other social media account and having clear boundaries with the opposite sex. If you are vigilant, your wife feels you are mature and will protect her from the biggest perceived threat to your marriage.

Bring her to the Father. A man who prays daily with his wife is acknowledging that their marriage is not only between a man and a woman but rather between God, man and woman.

Staying in the Word and being consistent in church participation is also an intentional way to make the marriage last.

Get educated on marriage. There are great books on the subject of marriage. Read some of them with your wife.

Initiating growth in a marriage says to your wife that the marriage is important.

Sharing your feelings and hearing her on this long journey called marriage is really important. In the book Intimacy: A 100 Day Guide to Lasting Relationships, I tell couples to share two feelings daily with each other.

Praising your wife daily is also important. If you are an expert on your wife’s strengths and verbalize them daily, you will see her as amazing. If you focus and communicate only about her weakness, you will be hurting your marriage and your wife significantly.

Dating your wife regularly is also important. Let her know regularly that she alone is important. Don’t let busyness or money keep you from dating your wife. Dating is how you got her to marry you and dating can help keep you married.

If you commit to doing something, do it. This is even more important if it is a household thing to do. If to-do list is growing, acknowledge your laziness and get about to whatever needs to be done.

Daily listen to your wife. Ask her about what she did today, and how she felt about that. Letting her talk about her day means a lot to most women. Your wife deserves to be listened to on a daily basis.

When you come home from work, give your wife the first hour, this can help the whole night to go well. Ask her what she needs done until the hour is up. My experience is that she will run out of things [for you] to do before an hour is up and then your “relaxing” doesn’t seem insensitive.

Housework is man’s work. Unless you have in writing that she has committed to do 100 per cent of the housework, she expects some help.

Commit to do some housework everyday. Don’t wait to be told about dishes, garbage, clean up, or laundry. You know it needs to be done. This allows your wife to feel supported and that she is married to a man and not that she has another child.

Putting the children to bed with some regularity is great for everyone. You get to connect and speak into your children’s lives and she gets a break on a regular basis. This helps you respect her needs for some down time as well.

Giving her a night out with some regularity may seem little but it is so important. She can have a consistent escape from the role of being a mom. You feed the children, play games, get homework done, and by the time she comes home, she is more the woman you married than the overwhelmed person you see throughout the week.

SEVEN: What kind of little things can husbands do everyday to show their wives they really love them?

DW: There are little things you can do to let your wife know you love her. Firstly, never lie to your wife. When you lie to a woman, you are saying to her that you don’t trust her with the truth. This can damage day-to-day trust.

Follow through. If you say you will do something, do it.

I tell my clients “boys make excuses, men make plans.”

SEVEN: How do you get along with a difficult father-in-law?

How do you earn his respect and build a good relationship?

DW: Difficult father-in-laws are generally just difficult people unless you have been mistreating their daughter.

You are 100 per cent powerless to make someone respect and love you, period. Some men use withholding (respect, praise, love) to control others and this person won’t give up this perceived power because it makes them feel vulnerable.

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 16

features

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 17

fea tu r es

ask a counsellor

On a positive note, you can initiate one-on-one time doing something you know he already likes. Men with poor relationship skills are more likely to come out in settings where they have some skill or experience.

You could also ask him to help you solve a problem or help you with a project in which he has greater skill than you.

Then praise him for his help in front of his wife and his children.

Asking him to tell you his stories of successes in his life can get him to talk. Listening to someone is a way you can show honour. Over time, if you’re genuine, he may feel your attempt ask relationship and move toward you.

As a man of God, the approach we need and already have is from our Father-in-law, God. If you are secure in the fact that you are loved and a friend of God, you may like the approval of this man. “Needing” approval gives power to a difficult or poorly skilled man that he should never have.

Be responsible in your dealings so you don’t have any shame.

Be authentic in your life and service toward your wife and you can be confident. Integrity within yourself allows you to love the difficult but not be controlled by them. This alone can bring respect into a relationship. Remember a bully never respects someone who doesn’t respect himself.

SEVEN: My wife is so invested in our kids; sometimes it feels like she has forgotten I exist. What do I do?

DW: Most men have the feeling that their wife has left them after having children. This feeling is legitimate. Your wife feels a God-given responsibility to meet the needs of those that are dependent on her.

Intentionally or not, she puts you on the adult list, [knowing you] can take care of yourself. She is focused on the children like you would be on the biggest project of your life. Many women feel this lostness in marriage due to how a man is over-focused on his job.

The trick here is to be able to help her with the children considerably so she doesn’t feel alone in this ominous task.

This assistance will give you a place of respect, which is necessary to have a conversation about your needs in the marriage without sounding “needy.”

Talking about keeping the marriage strong so the children will have a great example is a good angle. Talk about having date nights, sharing about your day, sex, money, etc.

The important thing is that you have these conversations.

If you can, join a cell group or Sunday school class on marriage so she is getting reinforcement from others that being a wife is a part of being a good mother.

The trick is to get better at managing time and resources instead of getting bitter at your wife when you are in pain about this. Never talk to her to get sympathy. Talk to experts, other Christian men, who know about feeling rejected, sidelined, and who have had to die to themselves in marriage.

They alone can support you as you are being stretched into being less selfish and more caring about the needs of the seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 18

features

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 19

fea tu r es

ask a counsellor

team (your family).

SEVEN: My wife is addicted to Pinterest and Facebook. I’m not perfect either, but how do I let her know I would like her to cut back?

DW: Technology is becoming a growing concern for more and more Christian marriages. Facebook, Pinterest, e-mail, and needless web searches can consume many hours of a person’s time in a marriage.

Since you are also struggling, don’t make the issue hers.

Make it ‘yours’ or ‘ours’. One tactic is for you to create two budgets in your marriage.

The first budget is for media usage like television, movies and electronic games. The second budget would be technology, web-related activities, e-mail, social media, etc.

Sit down and ask each other as a family how much time does the family need for media or technology that is not homework related. The budget can be daily or weekly.

If someone is addicted to what I call “the other world” this can be challenging. However, set a budget, let’s say three hours each a week (three media, three technology). Then each person establishes a consequence for himself or herself if he or she go over his or her budgeted time.

If you can’t get a budget then you are limited to setting an agreed upon boundary for technology behaviour, such as all cell phones stay in the car. No electronics after a certain hour can be a boundary. Cell phones and devices go in a kitchen drawer from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. while at home.

Technology can be a blessing if managed well but in the wrong hands it can be used to avoid real relationships. This will be a sensitive issue especially when consequences are set for boundaries or budgets but this will be necessary to benefit from technology in a marriage today. seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 20

SEVEN: How can we approach the issue of money without ending up in a fight?

DW: Solving problems of any kind is different than fighting regardless of the subject. Fighting usually resolves things on both sides then bludgeons each other until the most persistent person wins the battle. You can win with the worst idea on the matter and I hardly call that a win.

Solving a problem involves asking both spouses to come up with as many solutions as possible, sharing feelings on these solutions and then voting on the various options. This creates the most likelihood that more ideas will be discussed and a better idea will prevail.

Let me digress a moment on avoiding financial problems.

As a psychologist, I see couples that come for three or five-day marriage intensives. I always ask if they fight about money. One hundred per cent of couples who fight about money do not tithe.

My advice is to tithe. This helps your heart on money as well as helping you manage money in a much less emotional manner and moves couples in a principle manner.

You can attempt to create a budget and hold yourself accountable to a person in your church or an accountant to stay honest about staying on course.

Save money now for your next stage of life. Every stage of life requires saving to be successful for your future.

Couples who don’t save are generally emotional spenders as well. This lack of financial maturity creates a lot more fighting than solving problems.

I find honesty and accountability over a year or more moves a couple from financial immaturity to maturity. Doing this problem solving together during each stage of marriage helps bond couples throughout the stages of marriage.

On a Human Journey D

arryl Wolanski [MTS 2013] had no idea what would be on the other side when God called him to pursue a Master of Theological Studies [MTS] degree after being in the private sector for over 20 years.

He knew there was something very attractive about Tyndale. “What really attracted me to Tyndale was the style of teaching and the quality of the academics,” says Darryl.

His professors had a huge impact on him. “The two years I spent at Tyndale were the richest years I’ve experienced since completing my Master of Business Administration in 1989,” he says. “The professors were highly proficient in their academic field, they worked hard to get to know the students, and they encouraged interaction in class. It was really good. I loved every class.”

At Tyndale, Darryl gained insight about the human journey. “There’s a quote by Stephen R. Covey I read in a textbook that says, ‘We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.’ That really resonated with me,” he says.

It’s not surprising that after graduating from Tyndale Seminary, Darryl was led back into the private sector. He is now the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) Leader at People and Change, a human capital consulting arm of PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC). Human capital consulting looks at the “people side” of corporate change management. Many of the companies Darryl works with are large blue chip companies operating in the GTA and across Canada.

“As believers, how do we demonstrate what it means to be human to the rest of the world?” asks Darryl. “I really feel that Tyndale prepared me to live out the answer.”

Tel: 416.218.6757 Toll Free: 1.877.TYNDALE (896.3253)

www.tyndale.ca

fea tu r es

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 22

features

Facing Infertility Ten emotions all men experience living with infertility

By Ron Edmondson

Infertility affects a large number of married couples—usually more than we realize.

Several years ago, I was at a conference where I connected with a young man in the ministry. We decided to go for a run together the next morning. What I believed was simply an opportunity to further connect and exercise quickly turned into an informal counselling setting. This man carried some deep wounds from he and his wife’s experiences with infertility.

There are probably not enough ministry efforts to the females struggling with infertility, but that conversation made me equally concerned about the male side of the issue.

One of the most eye-opening realizations for me was that his wife didn’t seem to understand how he was equally struggling.

When a couple struggles with infertility the man has emotions also. The couple talked regularly about her pain, but he had nowhere to share his pain. Anytime he tried to discuss his emotions, he felt like he was lumping even more burden on an already over-burdened wife. So he said nothing.

The conversation taught me a few things that helped me minister to other men (and couples) struggling in this way.

Frankly, it also changed the way I viewed some biblical characters. It was considered almost a curse in Bible days to not have children. Society assumed there was something in a person’s life in which God was not pleased. Yet, several of the leading couples of faith in the Bible struggled with infertility.

Luke 1:7 tells us, “But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren….” Zechariah and Elizabeth were good, godly people, yet they had no children and they were well seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 23

fea tu r es

facing infertility

past the normal age of childbirth. I never stopped to think about how Zechariah’s response to the angel messenger from God announcing the birth of John the Baptist may have been influenced by the uncertainty in God’s plan infertility had triggered in his heart.

As I have studied and prayed through this issue over the years, and walked with dozens of couples, I have learned there are some common emotions in infertility. Obviously, women struggle with these also, but my eyes have been opened to the male emotional side of infertility.

When the couple struggles with infertility, a man can often feel: Helpless. One man told me, “The hardest part about my role as a husband during this time, was (and is), seeing my wife hurting, exhausted, and broken, and not being able to fix the problem. As men, when there’s a problem, we want to fix it; but sometimes it’s just not that simple.”

Protective. The man, in an attempt to defend his wife may think, “I don’t want you to hurt anymore”, which might lead him to react in ways that make the wife feel he is not as interested in having children as she is interested.

Insecure. Most men can never fully understand a mother’s heart (which I believe females struggling with infertility already have) and therefore the man may wonder, “Am I not enough?”

This is a hard one for women to understand, but it has a biblical example (1 Samuel 1:8).

Empty. I knew woman felt this emotion during infertility.

I have talked to them, but I am not sure I realized the man does as well. A man who wants to be a dad may feel like something is desperately missing in his life.

Scared. A lot of times the man is thinking “What if it’s my fault?” He may fear that something physically wrong with him is keeping his wife from experiencing the joy of motherhood.

Frustrated. Men don’t understand why this is happening to their marriage, so they may wrongly become frustrated with themselves, with God, and even with their wife.

Inferior. Men dealing with infertility often wonder why other men can get their wife pregnant, but not them. One man told me about the most hurtful thing said to him during infertility.

They were undergoing fertility treatments. He was sharing their struggle with another man who responded, “Listen, I don’t believe in this fertility treatment thing. It just doesn’t sit right with me. My wife and I don’t have trouble getting pregnant, I just have to look at her...” Wow! How can the church help in the issue of infertility?

I do not know of any church that would not help if they could, but as previously mentioned, it is often a more hidden struggle in the church. I believe, however, there are some things we can do.

Be sensitive to the issue. First and foremost, be careful not set people up for awkward situations anymore than necessary. While we honour parents, I am very careful not to make a bigger deal of mothers and fathers on their special seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 24

days than we make of Jesus. Plus, I usually acknowledge the awkward and hidden pain in the room. I have heard from dozens of couples that avoid special days for fear of being singled out for not having children.

Do not assume anything. The couple may be struggling and you do not know it. One man said, “We haven’t shared our struggle with too many people. It’s a private struggle.

If someone is diagnosed with cancer, usually people know, but for some reason infertility is not something you share with many people. Maybe it’s the stigma that comes with it.”

Invest in couples struggling with infertility, as you know of them. When you speak to couples without children, guard your tongue. If you are not sure what to say, do not say anything.

As a pastor, I am intentional about building those connections when I can. It seems to bless couples when they can share their pain with another couple that understands. My awareness to this issue has also raised the intention we place on adoption and foster care in the church. That is a viable option for some couples and the church is a wonderful place to help make the connection.

In spite of the pain of infertility, as with all trials, God can use it for an ultimate good. One man said to me recently, “Sometimes I just want to scream out of frustration, but I know God has something planned. My wife and I have talked about how we would rather have a healthy marriage then to have children with a marriage that’s falling apart. God is making us stronger, and He’s making our marriage stronger.”

Ron Edmondson is pastor of the historic Immanuel Baptist Church in Lexington, Kentucky. With over 20 years business experience prior to ministry, Ron is passionate about planting churches and helping established churches thrive. The greatest times for Ron are with his wife Cheryl and two amazing adult sons, Jeremy and Nate, and Jeremy’s wife Mary.

PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA

NATIONAL MEN’S CONFERENCES COMING SOON

PROMISEKEEPERS.CA/FEARLESS @pk_canada

/pkcanada

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 25

fea tu r es

God Loves Sex The creator of the universe reveals His creative plan for husbands and wives.

By Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III

What does the Bible tell us about sex?

Many who have a casual acquaintance with the Bible might answer that the Bible’s primary concern with sex is to keep us from enjoying it. After all, the Bible is filled with warnings and restrictions. From Mount Sinai, God tells his people “You shall not commit adultery” (Ex. 20:14). Old Testament stories show how even marital sex can lead a person astray (think of Solomon’s foreign wives who get him to worship other gods, 1 Kings 11). In the New Testament, Paul urges his readers to “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18).

Such prohibitions and restrictions on our sexual lives are important to be sure and are necessary because our sexual desires might otherwise lead us to behave in such a way that hinder our relational and psychological and even our physical health Even so, we should not get the wrong impression. The Bible is very clear: God loves sex.

Of course, God himself is not a sexual person. The God of the Bible is vastly different than the gods of the ancient Near East and the Greco-Roman world. These gods are gendered and sexually active, but not the God of the Bible. Gender and sex are part of the creation, not part of the Creator.

But as part of creation, sex is God’s good gift to his creatures.

He wired us for sexual pleasure.

We learn this as early as the second creation account (Gen. 2:4-25). After creating Eve from Adam’s rib (showing their equality), the man joyfully announces: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man” (Gen. 2:23).

And then the narrator explains: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (2:24).

Here we have the biblical definition of marriage, which has three parts: leaving, weaving, and cleaving. The leaving is not physical (in the ancient Near Eastern world a young couple typically lived with the extended family). They leave their parents by forming a new primary loyalty to each other. They weave their lives together as they spend time doing things and talking to each other. Finally, they cleave together to become one flesh in the act of sexual intercourse. seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 26

features

fea tu r es

God loves sex

We should take note here that there is nothing in this biblical definition of marriage about having children (heaving in childbirth). Their sexual union is for mutual pleasure and drawing them closer to each other.

The chapter ends with the observation: “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (2:25).

Of course, this Edenic description of Adam and Eve’s relationship is not our experience today. The next chapter describes the first rebellion against God with its consequences of sin and death. Not only does sin result in separation from God, but also Adam and Eve experience estrangement, which is described as having repercussions for their sexual lives. They were no longer able to stand in front of each other naked and feel no shame.

The story of the Fall explains to us why we struggle with our God-given sexual desires. No wonder the Bible is filled with the prohibitions and restrictions we mentioned in the opening of this article.

But that is not the end of the story. The Song of Songs celebrates the redemption of our sexual desires as it describes a man and a woman in garden settings, again naked and enjoying each other as, for example, in Song of Songs 7:11-13: “Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.

“The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved.”

This is just one example of about 20 poems that affirm our sexual desire and our love of beauty. The Song encourages married couples to enjoy their sexual lives together by playfully exploring what brings them mutual pleasure. seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 28

The Song thus suggests that redeemed sex is a taste of Eden, but the inspired poet who composed this holy and erotic book also knew that such redemption is, as theologians sometimes put it, “already and not yet.” In this fallen world, obstacles remain to physical intimacy and there are poems that acknowledge the difficulties of blissful union (5:2-6:3).

Even so, the predominant tone of the Song is celebration.

It is a reminder that, though there are dangers, sex is brings a husband and a wife into a union with each other that is not only physical, but also psychological, emotional, and spiritual.

“The two become one flesh.” There is no more intimate human relationship than that of a husband and a wife and they experience that intimacy most as they lose themselves each other in orgasm.

No wonder, then, that God often describes himself as the husband of his people. In the New Testament, the analogy is spoken of Jesus and the Church. Unfortunately, this divine-human marriage between God and His people is spoiled by the adulterous, idolatrous behavior of His people. Even so, according to the book of Revelation, the future will bring the final and complete consummation and fulfillment of that relationship: “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear” (Rev. 19:7-8).

Adapted from Dan Allender and Tremper Longman new book exploring the rich resources of the Song of Songs for our sexual lives, God Loves Sex: An Honest Conversation about Sexual Desire and Holiness (Baker Books, 2014).

ISGOD CALLING

YOU?

DiscoverHeritage.ca

Take the next step in pursuing God with passion.

DiscoverHeritage.ca 1-800-465-1961

Man to Man

The Otherness of the Other Rediscovering the woman in your bed

By Mark Buchanan

I married Cheryl in 1985. I was full to bursting with cockiness, naiveté, idealism. This marriage was going to be the stuff of legend. It was going to be a rebuke to my elders - why could we not love as he loves? - and an inspiration to my peers - would we, could we, might we, love as he loves? I would combine the daring of a hero, the chivalry of a knight, the sensitivity of a saint. And she! She would be my damsel, my princess, my soul mate, my life. It didn’t initially turn out that way.

Cheryl and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage this June. 28 of those years have been good. The past 15, brilliant. But it wasn’t always so.

What we didn’t reckon on when we first married is the otherness of the other.

I first encountered that idea in Mike Mason’s very fine book The Mystery of Marriage. Here’s how he says it: In the long run the thing that is most uncanny in marriage is not any sense of growing familiarity and comfortableness with the enormous reality of this other presence in one’s life, but rather the opposite: the growing strangeness.

The otherness of the other is the discovery, startling and unsettling, that this woman whom I first extolled as “flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone” (Gen 2:23) is actually a stranger, an enigma, a real or potential enemy. She has a will and mind of her own. She has history I only know in part. She has complexity I could not unravel in a thousand years of trying.

Seeing all this, I want to blame everything wrong in my life on “this woman you gave me” (Gen. 3:12).

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 30

The biblical story of Laban duping Jacob into marrying Leah is in some ways the story of every marriage. It begins with Jacob’s goofy infatuation with Rachel: “Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her” (Gen. 29:20). What’s the attraction? She’s a hottie - “Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.” That’s it. We hear nothing about Rachel’s character, personality, intellect, spiritual life. She’s just good looking, a real knockout, a bombshell, and Jacob falls hard.

He doesn’t pay any mind to Rachel’s older sister, Leah, for the exactly the same reason: she’s not a knockout. She has “weak eyes.” This may be a euphemism for homeliness. But the Hebrew word for weak is better translated tender or gentle.

(One improbable rabbinical explanation is that Leah’s eyes were red and swollen from weeping because her father had promised her in marriage to Jacob’s hairy, boorish brother Esau.)

Here’s how I understand it: Rachel was something to look at, but she also had a way of looking - a frankness, a directness, an undisguised hunger, the classic come-hither eyes - that made Jacob soft in the head and weak in the knees. Poor Leah couldn’t compete. Good Leah didn’t want to compete.

Laban, according to local custom, wants his older daughter married off first, so he devises a ruse at Jacob and Rachel’s wedding. Laban gets Jacob drunk — not fall-down drunk, but sloppy drunk. Then he sends Leah, not Rachel, into the marriage bed. Jacob’s not so inebriated that he can’t perform his conjugal duties,

and so he consummates the marriage with Leah. Jacob wakes up to a surprise: When morning came, there was Leah!

So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”

(Gen. 29:25).

This, I contend, is the story of every marriage: every woman, every man wakes up one day beside the man or woman they married and exclaims (usually under their breath), “What is this you have done to me?”

Who is this?

That happened to me about 12 years into my marriage. I realized I had no idea who this woman was. I didn’t speak her love language, and she didn’t speak mine.

I didn’t know her heart, her dreams, what hurt her, what wooed her. And she didn’t know any of that about me.

So we spent two hard years discovering each other.

Those two hard years opened up these past 15, which have been rich beyond imagining. But without the hard work, they would have been lonely years.

Jacob buries Leah, but not Rachel, in the tomb of his fathers. Later, he is buried beside her. It’s Leah whom he chooses to be united with in life and in death.

It’s what happens if you do the hard work of discovering who your wife really is.

Mark Buchanan is an associate professor of pastoral theology at Ambrose Seminary in Calgary and the author of several books including Your Church is Too Safe: Turning the World Upside Down.

single life

Singles and Marriage Does a man need a woman to be complete?

By Paul H. Boge

There is a classic line in the Academy Award winning film Jerry McGuire.

Tom Cruise plays a sports agent who falls in love with a former co-worker named Dorothy (Renee Zellweger).

The two have a rocky relationship that ultimately culminates with Cruise realizing she is the love of his life.

He flies out to see her and says: “I love you. You…complete me.”

It’s a tearjerker moment (if you’re one to cry at films). The line points to how a man and a woman can find true companionship with each other. And while the film may not be saying anything more than that, it does challenge us to ask a question: Does a man need to be married to be complete?

Singles can sometimes be viewed as those who are not yet married. It is as though being single is a stage you go through (or are expected to go through) on your way to marriage. That somehow single men are half-complete until they find that special someone to make them whole.

But is this the way the Bible defines it?

Marriage is designed by God, and a great marriage is truly a remarkable example of love. When two people love, serve and care for each other they can often accomplish things together that they could not do alone. Yet the term ‘complete’ is one that the Bible refers to as something that Christ does.

For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power. (Colossians 2:9-10)

This isn’t to suggest that married people don’t complement each other, enjoy each other, and work together for God’s kingdom. They do. But the core of our being, the very essence of our lives being complete – whether we are single or married –is found in Christ. In that way, as singles we can pour into the lives of others without needing to place a burden on them to somehow do for us what only Christ can.

Singleness and marriage are both designed by God. The challenge can come when a single man wishes he weren’t single and wonders where God is in all the waiting.

We need to be encouraged that we are complete in Christ. Not in a job, or in accomplishments, or social status, or relationship status.

Singleness and marriage are both designed by God. The challenge can come when a single man wishes he weren’t single and wonders where God is in all the

waiting - that somehow God has saved his best for other people to allow them to be in a marriage while leaving others as single. But the Bible brings encouragement in Psalm 31:15 says: “My times are in your hands.” It’s in the letting go and leaving things in God’s hands where we grow. Like Johnny Cash said: “I’ve got Jesus and that’s enough.”

We need to ask ourselves if Christ is enough for us.

As we look to the Bible, and see the examples where God used married men and single men, we see His hand in both situations. And in a culture that can sometimes place an emphasis on marriage over singleness, we can be encouraged that God sees us not so much as married or single, but as complete or incomplete.

And that completeness comes from looking at the cross and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. When we keep our eyes on the Author and Perfecter of our faith we will be able to know that he loves us and complete us.

Paul H. Boge is the author of Father to the Fatherless: The Charles Mulli Story. He’s an engineer who works in project management.

He’s single and lives in Winnipeg. paulb@bogeboge.com

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 31

Raiders Quarterback Finds His Way When Derek Carr most needed God, his future wife led the way

By Scott Taylor

When Derek Carr was the quarterback at Fresno State University, he played the part. In fact, he’ll be the first to say that while he talked the talk, he didn’t walk the walk. He was the big man on campus and he knew it.

But he had a good friend, a woman named Heather Neel. She walked the walk. And for Derek, now the number one quarterback with the National Football League’s Oakland Raiders, it’s exactly what he needed.

These days, Carr—who played high school football at Bakersfield (California) Christian Academy—will give his testimony anywhere, anytime to anyone who will listen. He makes sure, whenever he conducts a TV or radio interview, that the interviewer knows that God is the most important thing in his life.

But he’ll also admit that he once lost his way. He has no problem conceding that if it wasn’t for Heather Neel, he might never have found the answer. It’s a story Carr has told often and without regret.

For Derek Carr, professional football quarterback, it’s how his life was saved.

“I think Christ became real to me when my wife, well, the woman who is my wife now but at the time was just a friend, wrote me a letter,” Carr explains. “I was a college quarterback. I talked the talk about faith and a love for God, but I would stay out until 3 a.m. and go to all the parties. That was my lifestyle.”

It’s amazing what the right woman will do to rescue the right man.

“He would say one thing and act the opposite way,” Heather says. “He would talk about God and how much he loved God, but I would see him going to the parties and hanging out with the girls. I thought he was in love and on fire for God

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 32

and then I saw what he was doing and it just wasn’t adding up.”

The note from Heather changed Derek’s life.

“I remember at that moment, I felt so arrogant, so selfish, so cocky,” he says remorsefully. “I still believed I was a nice, genuine person but all of a sudden, these feelings came over me and I got down on my knees. It was finally that time when God put His foot down on my throat and said, ‘I have special plans for you and you’re screwing it up.’”

Derek asked to meet with Heather and the two sat down to discuss this rather important matter of lifestyle and of truly having God in your life.

“I ended up sitting down and talking to Derek and he apologized,” Heather says.

“He apologized for how he acted to me and he apologized for how he had not been living the Christian life.”

At that point, Carr needed to give his testimony. He chose the locker room as his pulpit and his teammates as his impromptu congregation.

“That next week we had a game at Ole Miss,” Derek says. “I got up in front of my whole team and I said, ‘Guys, I’ve been calling myself a Christian and yet I haven’t been living the Christian life. You guys know what I’ve been doing. Well, I’m a Christian now. I’ve asked God for His forgiveness. Now watch how I live my life.

This is what a Christian is about.’”

Not only did his relationship with God change, but so, too, did his relationship with Heather Neel.

“That’s when we started hanging out again,” Heather says. “Then, later on, we started to date and then we made it official.”

On June 29, 2012, Heather Neel became Heather Carr. Not long after, the two of them needed to lean on their faith once again when their son Dallas was born with a blockage in his intestines. Three surgeries later, God delivered to them a healthy young boy. But that healthy boy didn’t come without another test.

“I asked Derek how he could be so strong,” Heather says. “But, really, down deep, I knew the answer.”

These days, despite the fact his Oakland Raiders have suffered through another terrible season, Derek still finds strength.

“I know God is with me because I have a peace and a joy,” Derek says. “I can’t describe it, but I know it’s real. When I needed her most, Heather was there and now God is here, as well.”

Scott Taylor is a Winnipeg-based sportswriter and broadcaster.

sports scene

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 33

p ow er pl a y

Great games. Great toys.

Great gadgets.

Reviews by Sandy McMurray

BACON PILLOW CASE

baconsalt.com The makers of Bacon Salt have dreamed up a sizzling new idea: the bacon pillowcase. Company spokesman Dave Lefkow says the idea came after frying bacon late at night. “I woke up later with the scent of bacon still in my house, and I felt pretty incredible, like I could chop down a tree with my bare hands or put a grizzly bear in a full nelson. I wanted this feeling every morning.”

The unmistakable scent of bacon is embedded in the ink on these specially printed pillowcases. This pleasing aroma should last for 6-12 months or more and can survive machine washing. (Wash with unscented soap, and be prepared for your other laundry to smell like bacon.)

Warning: sleeping on a bacon scented pillowcase may lead to happy dreams of fluffy bacon clouds. Please try not to eat your pillowcase. Everything is better with bacon.

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 34

BAVARIAN SAUSAGE HAND SOAP

unionmadegoods.com It looks good enough to drink. It smells like Bavarian sausage, with hints of marjoram and black pepper. It washes off the worst dirt and grime.

Wait, what?

Made in small batches in Austria, this unique hand soap uses natural ingredients and scents to produce something almost too strange to describe.

Apparently, in Bavaria, it’s a good thing for hands to smell like sausages.

BOTTLOCASE

bottlocase.com Inventor James Bleumink saw someone try to open a bottle with a lighter. When the lighter exploded and the bottle cracked, James had an epiphany. He began to notice that people who find themselves without a bottle opener will often use whatever is nearby. This includes tabletops, knives, keys, car doors, and their teeth. Bad idea.

What could be better? How about a rugged iPhone case with a bottle opener built into the back? That’s the idea behind Bottlocase. Wherever you go, you always have a bottle opener as long as you have your phone.

What could possibly go wrong? A metal plate on the back and a reinforced ribbed cage protect the phone from the force of opening the bottle. Now all you have to do is ensure that no one gets any liquid on the phone or drops it while trying to open a bottle.

NINJA SUIT

myairblaster.com Winter cold doesn’t stand a chance against the Ninja Suit. Originally developed and tested in the Argentinian Andes, the Ninja Suit was designed to be a first-layer force field. Its Merino Wool fabric is a second skin that protects you from the elements, wicks perspiration, and regulates your body temperature to keep you warm, comfortable, and performing at your best. Some say it’s the best long underwear in the world.

Whatever you think, it’s a cool way to stay warm in cold weather.

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 35

p ow er pl a y

Great games. Great toys.

Great gadgets.

TINY CARDS AND PACKAGES

leafcutterdesigns.com It’s not too early to start thinking about Valentine’s Day. This year, instead of flowers and chocolate, consider sending a small thoughtful note or a tiny package.

Leafcutter Designs can help. For a small fee they will transcribe your message neatly on a tiny piece of paper, seal in a tiny envelope, and send your letter from the world’s smallest post office to the address of your choice. Each letter is sealed with red wax and comes with a tiny magnifying glass.

You can also choose to send a tiny package, with a small gift inside. It’s charming, it’s thoughtful, and it costs less than a dozen roses. What are you waiting for?

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 36

COLDAVENGER BALACLAVA

coldavenger.com When the weather gets really cold it’s not enough to keep your head and face covered. Breathing in too much cold air makes your body work harder just to stay warm, and can trigger health problems like asthma attacks.

The ColdAvenger combines a balaclava, face mask, and a breath warming system that protects your lungs from extreme cold.

No matter how warm and protected the rest of your body may be, if your face is exposed and you are breathing cold air, your body has to work harder to stay warm. The ColdAvenger face mask and balaclava includes a patented ventilator that warms and humidifies incoming air, removes excess moisture, and protects against fogging of goggles and glasses.

Keep your lungs happy.

TOOTHBRUSH

reinast.com What do you get for the man who has everything? How about a $4,000 toothbrush?

The Reinast Luxury Toothbrush is the most expensive toothbrush on earth.

The company claims that its design, durability, and specially trademarked anti-bacterial coating make it worth the hefty price tag. Or it might just he an Emperor’s New Clothes thing.

This is not a disposable toothbrush.

The brush comes with a free three-year service plan that provides new bristle heads every six months. When the head wears out you just detach it from the titanium metal handle and replace it with a new one.

I guess some people are more serious about oral hygiene. They have their health. We have $4,000. You can buy a lot of candy with that kind of money.

SNOW CASTLE KIT

amazon.ca The Snow Castle Kit from Paricon has everything you need to make a snow fort. There are three different molds you can fill with packing snow to produce snow bricks. Plan your fort then stack your snow bricks like Lego to fortify your position before the inevitable snowball fight. Just add snow and a shovel for hours of fun.

If you’re looking for a good quality charging cable and a reliable battery charger, take a look at ianker.com.

The Lightning charging cable is small enough to fit most iPhone cases, which matters suddenly when you buy something like an Otterbox.

The second series Astro E charger, fully charged, can take an iPhone from 0% to 100% half a dozen times before it will need recharging.

PHONE CHARGER

WATCH THIS

ianker.com There are dozens of iPhone cables and chargers on the market. Some are great, some are terrible, and most are somewhere in between. Do you need to use the $21 charging cable sold by Apple or is it okay to use a $2 generic charging cable? What’s the difference between a $30 battery pack and a $150 battery?

apple.com, moto.com, and mbandf.com As of this writing, Apple fans are waiting with bated breath for more information about the company’s new watch. Android fans already have the Moto 360, a beautiful wristwatch that doubles as a small computer screen that connects to smartphones like the Moto X and Moto G.

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 37

p ow er pl a y

Great games. Great toys.

Great gadgets.

When the dust settles and wearable technology is just a fact of normal life, we may look back fondly on watches that do nothing but look great and tell time.

Consider, for example, the beautiful, eccentric “horological machines” made

by MB&F. These are not watches. They are weird and wonderful works of art.

Horological Machine No.6 (HM6) (aka Space Pirate) is inspired by 1950s science fiction. Up forward, two semi-spherical indications rotate vertically, displaying hours and minutes.

Back aft, twin spherical turbines spin horizontally, automatically regulating the winding system in case of excessive speed to reduce stress and wear. The transparent central dome houses a 60-second flying tourbillon, the precision regulator of HM6’s Engine.

The sapphire crystal display portal on the back reveals more of the 475 finely finished components making up the highly complex movement. Horological Machine No.6 “Space Pirate” is a limited edition of 100.

As we wait for the wearable gadgets of the future let’s pause to admire and enjoy the strange and wonderful wristwatches that already exist. We may not see their kind ever again.

seven – issue forty january – february, 2015 page 38

we’re passionate about what we do.

share your passion, too.

Help CHange Men’s lives and grow Your Business.

beasponsor@promisekeepers.ca

Visit our PromiseKeepers.ca for the latest info, videos, audio messages, men’s articles, books and other resources.

SEVEN Magazine Men. God. Life.

A Christian magazine for Canadian men. Relevant, exciting and biblical.

Men of Integrity Devotional Especially written for men, personally challenging, eternally rewarding.

Available in a 60 page booklet or as an email devotional.

Visit us online at www.PromiseKeepers.ca and EQU I P