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The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. XXXIV No. III

CONTRIBUTERS Captain

Otman Benchekroun

Astronauts

Chetan Ashta Alex Dombowsky Claire Edrington Steve Greenwood Quinn Greselin Daniel Galef Jamie Hart Martin Molpeceres Stavroula Pabst Bahar Pasalar Hugo Schutzberg Lukas Shannon

Ground Control

Ké Smith (Cover) Freedom Sorbara (Propaganda) Kiana Brett (Alien Fashion) Tess Van Donkelaar (Sex Words) Armando Rivas (Spaceship)

Disclaimer

The Plumber’s Faucet is a Publication of the Engineering Undergraduate Society of McGill University. The opinions expressed in the Faucet are not necessarily those of the EUS nor of any other university body, unless such opinion appears over an authorized signature of a representative of the said body. The Faucet does not print works which are sexist, libelous, racist, homophobic, or violating the copyright laws of Canada. It should be noted that some content is meant to be satirical or humourous in nature. For general enquiries, contact faucet@mcgilleus.ca.

Complaints

The EUS takes complaints very seriously. All complaints should begin with the heading “Official Protest to Content in The Plumber’s Faucet”, and should be sent to vpcomm@mcgilleus.ca, publications.director@mcgilleus.ca, and faucet@mcgilleus.ca.

The Plumber’s Faucet vol. XXXIV no. III November 21st, 2017

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Here we are again, that time of year when we’re unsure of whether or not it’s cold enough to justify wearing a winter coat. Personally, I choose to wear my winter coat. When I wake up though, I do admit I spend some time debating whether I should just wear two hoodies instead. I have some friends who just do one hoodie! Sometimes I ask them if they’re cold, to which they either answer “Yes” or “No”. My friend Frederic once said “I don’t know”. I don’t talk to that guy anymore. I miss him, I should ring him up! Not much else is new with me! The other day I made chicken wings! Baked ‘em. Put some maple sriracha sauce on those bad boys. It was pretty good. 7/10. Some chefs say you should actually boil the wings first before baking them so they become nice and tender. I didn’t do that this time. Probably should’ve. Hey, how about that Outer Space though am I right!? I don’t know whether I should be scared of it or whether I should be in it! I’d like to be an astronaut but it sounds very difficult. I’d have to learn Russian... I’d have to be short, which I am, but I’d have to stay short, and let me tell ya, I’m not planning on doing that, buddy! We’re having fun here. This issue is the Cosmo(s) issue. Here, you will find weird cool facts about space, but also creative advice on how to please your significant other, especially if that significant other is a significant other plane of existence, hopefully found in the far reaches of the universe. Also, and I only mention this because you fans have a keen eye for this sort of thing: yes, this month’s issue of the Faucet does indeed contain anti-alien propaganda. Don’t look at us that way! We were paid very handsomely by The Resistance! The Resistance - if you can’t join ‘em, shame on you, if you can’t beat ‘em, shame on me. Sorry, I just had to get that slogan in there... it’s a part of our contract. If you still feel bad about this anti-alien propaganda business, think of it this way: aliens don’t live on earth! Now is this a really great letter from the editor or what?! I really think I nailed it this time. Nice!

Otman Benchekroun

Nov 21st, 2017

The Top 10 Course Codes to Yell Out During Sex by Alex Dombowsky

October is a rough time of the year. It’s jam packed with midterms, extracurricular activities, spooky Halloween festivities, and cyclic exam-induced fever thoughts that somehow always return back to “do the Burnside toilets actually flush or do they just raise the urine level a little bit?” In fact, midterms never really seem to leave our minds during October, occasionally slipping into our conscience during other activities. This article explains the worst possible situation in which this could occur—crying out course codes during intercourse. Intercourse, get it? Anyway, the following course codes should quickly be added to your mid-intercourse vocabulary.

1. MUAR Music-Arts Faculty

2. FMED Family Medicine

3. CACC!!! Accountancy

4. OTOL Otolaryngology

5. WILD Resource Department

6. CHEE?!? Chemical Engineering

7. FACC Faculty Course

8.MECH Mechanical Engineering

9. SOIL Soil Science

10. WOOD Woodland Resources

Hopefully pondering the versatility and use of these sex-clamations will keep you busy during this midterm season. And during finals, perhaps can meditate on the juvenile uses of the building names. That being said, Leacock is the obvious winner.

The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. XXXIV No. III

Spacial Correspondent by Wren WiTTIER

Dearest readers, Today, I have the pleasure of covering the greatest fashion show in the entire extended solar system, the near mythical Martian Moonwalk! It is truly a great honor to be invited to attend this event. I was practically brimming with excitement as I made my way to Phobos (Deimos having hosted last year) through the usual means. My editor didn’t allow me to travel business class, but I understand that budgets are tight, and I’ve had worse travels. The Phobean Grand Gallery had been reserved entirely for this event, in large part due to its accessibility for all species who would be attending and participating. Some halls had airlocks to permit chlorine - or methane- based atmospheres. Others were flooded with viewing stands within and without the water. In a feat of engineering, there was even one ballroom tethered to a space elevator, within which models in the latest zero-gravity fashion strutted (Down? Up? Around?) along a glowing magnetic path. I had to watch this one from a remote feed dear readers, you know how much I rely on a sense of direction. The new designs outshone the venue, mind you, as the leading fashion designers vied with one another in an interplanetary competition that, while officially had no winners, was contested with cutthroat brutality that is standard in the fashion world.

K’ya’n Dio unveiled their spring fashion line, perfect for a balmy Neptunian day or a casual gazebo party. Representing Pluto was the Oooiiyuu brand, a community of artisans who collaborated to produce some of my favorite winter wear designs. At least I think they’re winter wear, Plutonian fashion tends towards the practical. It’s hard to tell what is designed for the fashion-conscious hibernator or for the stylish frozen adventurer. The Mercurian fashion community was a striking presence, as always. Brilliant plasma-infused fabric pulsed to magnetic fields set up along the runway as the eight-limbed models danced forward. Well, I say danced, that’s just how Mercurians walk. Us bipedals may have an easier gait, but it’s pretty boring in comparison. I had to return to Earth midway through the week, unfortunately, as other adventures await all the time. I managed to pick up a couple of fashionable accessories though, which have already garnered some compliments back at the office. Jupitarian raincoats are designed for diamond shard downpours, so it should last me quite a while during any future rainy travels. I’ll have to say, dear listeners, I’m a little disappointed, since my next assignments seem to be a little more… down to earth!

Yours truly, The Happy Wanderer

Nov 21st, 2017

10 Things Your Man’s Spaceship Says About Him by Hairyet

1. Turbo Thrusters Turbo Thrusters say “I’ve got no time to waste. Life is precious and you have to carpe all the diems.” This guy is impulsive and passionate and will take you to galaxies far, far away. Although be careful, some lunar losers use turbo thrusters to overcompensate for their, cough cough, low self-esteem. Everyone knows turbo thrusters will only increase a craft’s speed by 2365 m/s when your average intergalactic Toyota Corolla goes 3x108 m/s. At those speeds, turbo thrusters won’t do much beyond shaking the spaceship a little as it accelerates, although sometimes that is the desired effect…

2. Bobble Head On His Dashboard He does improv. He won this bobble head at a show where the audience had to pick the best impersonation of a planet. He hasn’t had a show since then but he’s still talking about it. You find him funny now but after a few months you’ll realize he just keeps making the same jokes over and over again. You can make this relationship work by finding new ways to spice things up which will hopefully inspire new jokes but do it quick or you’ll be in a marital rut before you’re even married.

5. Cluttered cargo hold He’s sentimental. He has a hard time letting go of the past. He can often be nostalgic but let me tell you, he’ll never forget an anniversary or your birthday unlike that ungrateful jerk, Brian.

6. Intergalactic map in the cup holder He’s always ready for an adventure. He’s always ready to discover new things. He’s spontaneous, but prepared for any detour. Need a haircut? He knows where to go. Hungry? He’ll bring you to his favorite spot. Want to be surprised? Buckle your seatbelt, because we’re going to Planet Good Times.

3. Neutral density filter windshield This man is an artist. Or a physicist. Or both. He’s creative and has vision, but only because he cherry-picks the intensity of every wavelength allowed to kiss his precious retinae. His attention to detail means you’ll be getting a bouquet of moon-roses that are all the exact same shade of grey.

4. “Theta-ray proof” paint job Uh-huh, this macho move was big in the 70s. This day and age, everyone knows nothing is θ-ray proof. Nothing… stay safe…

7. Space bugs on the windshield This means he could use a little cleaning up. He doesn’t care about outward appearances and focuses on the functionality of things but imagine what your parents will say when he shows up to Florpsgiving dinner with a stained shirt and muddy moon-boots. If you’re looking for a simple guy who doesn’t get worked up over little things, he’s there for you, but don’t try to “clean him up” or “save him”. He was fine before he found you, and he can be fine without you.

The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. XXXIV No. III

8. Automatic everything (doors, cup holders, radio, steering, parking, you name it) You found yourself a man with money. Automatic doors? Dayum. He’s got so much cash you’ll be able to ignore every flaw you find on the first date. Sure he’s a snob, but you’ll be able to ignore him when you’re lying way off on the other side of your emperor sized bed. Sure, none of your friends want to talk to you anymore because he’s such a jerk but you’ll be able to buy puppies by the dozen so who needs friends anyway?

9. 5-seat soccer mom ship This man is smart. He knows his spaceship might not be the coolest, but he helps everyone by flying them to parties, helping friends move into new apartment pods, and, guess what, there’s plenty of room for you both to drive off into one of the three sunsets of Floop-9 and cuddle in the back watching the moons rise. He’s a swell guy you never thought you’d be interested in but once you open your eyes you see this helpful, sweet, always-plans-ahead, actually kind of cute dude.

10. Invisibility Cloaking He’s a dirty liar and doesn’t even have a spaceship. Screw you, Brian.

Neil Degrasse Tyson... What’s In His Black Hole? by Hugo Schutzberg Cult leader and host of PBS’ Cosmos Neil Degrasse Tyson is known for his knowingness of all things. Voted most likely to destroy the universe, the staff at The Plumber’s Faucet had to peek past the horizon and finally see what was in that hole of his. The first thing Neil pulls out before we interview him is chamomile tea and honey. This was not a surprise... how else can he have such an entrancing voice without some sort of herbal remedy? Thanks to the singularity Neil is able to carry his entire wardrobe around with him, allowing him to wear whatever he wants whenever he wants including those horrid ties with galaxies on them1. The item Neil always seems to have on him is his trusty microphone that broadcasts to the entire cosmos. As cult leader of all things, it's hard to get your messages across. This system allows Neil to distribute his important words and even sing sweet songs for all celestial bodies. Some miscellaneous items included 734 boxes of Lucky Charms2, a cloning machine, a computer duster, a pack of cigarettes and a torn up picture of him and Bill Nye3. To be honest we really didn’t get to the interview. He seemed like a cool dude overall though! 1. Nebulas look like cat vomit 2. We asked Neil about this and he says he was currently trying to quantize the amount of “Magical Deliciousness”. Even Neil could not wrap his head around the tastiness of Lucky Charms. 3. this one seemed too raw for even The Faucet to investigate further.

Nov 21st, 2017

Wow! Four New Liquid Lipsticks That Will Help You Forget About American Imperialism by Stavroula PabsT

Is American Imperialism getting to you? Have no fear! We’ll help you forget. And what a better way to forget than with brand new liquid lipsticks! Here’s a few for you to pick up and try out: 1. NYX Slip Tease Full Color Lip Oil ($7.00) Remember Hiroshima and Nagasaki? We don’t! With twelve shades and a bargain price of only 7 dollars, we don’t think you will, either. 3. Yves Saint Laurent Vinyl Cream Lip Stain ($42.00). It may be true that the CIA was behind the 1953 coup d’état in Iran, however, we would prefer to ignore this. While YSL Vinyl Cream Lip Stain may be a chunk of change at $42, its long-lasting formula and ease of wear will be sure to cleanse any urge you may have to consider the disasters American imperialism has brought upon much of the globe!

2. Too Faced Liquified High Shine Lipstick ($25.00) Was the war in Iraq fabricated upon false pretenses? Maybe, we have no idea! We’re too busy trying out this new liquid lipstick, and you should too! 4. Maybelline Super Stay Matte Ink Liquid Lipstick ($11.99). The United States drone program? You could look into it and get super upset, but why exhaust yourself when you could just buy this new liquid lipstick instead? Sold at most drugstores, this lipstick is much more convenient than realizing Barack Obama is behind the deaths of thousands of innocent people.

The realities of American Imperialism may be quite a drag, but with these new liquid lipsticks, you’ll never have to consider them in a meaningful way! Sounds like a good deal to us.

The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. XXXIV No. III

How To Talk Like A Philosophy Bro by StEVE GREENWOOD

You’ve seen him everywhere. From his natural coffee shop and thrift store environments, to the house party that a classmate begrudgingly invited him to, the philosophy bro lurks behind every corner. He is here to condescendingly explain things to you that you already understand, using complex language that he doesn’t understand. He has read 3 sentences of Heidegger and thinks that makes him deep. He thinks the reason that you won’t have sex with him is because you don’t understand Sartre the way he does based on his five minutes of Wikipedia research. He doesn’t really know what ontology is, but it’s his favourite word and he’ll bring it up at least 6 times before he’s done taking up your time (to which he obviously feels entitled). The philosophy bro may seem like an enigma. However, the following five-step program will help you both understand how he works, and imitate him if for some Godforsaken reason you would want to. Or perhaps if you want to turn his language back on him and see his fragile masculinity shatter when he realizes that others can, indeed, reproduce his bullshit. 1) Add –ology to the end of words. Literally any word works. Wallology? Pencilology? It’s all fair game! 2) Add “post” to the beginnings of words. Once again, this works for anything. We live in a post-toaster world. What does this mean? Nobody cares, but you’ll sound smart saying it. 3) Randomly throw words from other languages into a sentence. It doesn’t matter if the sentence “the papillon of the situation really speaks to its Schweinekotelett” makes no sense; it proves you know both French and German and must therefore be superior to most others. 4) Buzzwords are the best way to spice up a sentence without adding any real meaning to it. Some sample buzzwords include “liminal,” “affective,” “temporality,” and “simulacrum.” Nobody cares if you know what these mean: just throw them in and prove that you know them! 5) Cite Kant, Sartre, or Derrida. It doesn’t have to actually be a real quote; you can literally say anything, but preface it with “as Kant said,” and people will believe you. Nobody wants to go back and fact-check that shit! Kant is hella boring. Here’s a sample structure you can use for a sentence that’s guaranteed to imitate even the most irritating of the pseudointellectual doucebags. Fill in the blanks with your favourite of the above rules! I’ve been reading ______’s discussion the ______ology of post________ lives. It really made me reflect on the (French word) of (German word), and how (buzzword) impacts daily life. As (philosopher) says, “(literally anything).” For example: I’ve been reading Heidigger’s discussions of the gamecubeology of post-puppy lives. It really made me reflect on the legumes of müde, and how liminality impacts daily life. As Derrida says, “it’s Britney, bitch.”

Nov 21st, 2017

The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. XXXIV No. III

Report: U.N. Solves Israel-Palestine Conflict By Giving West-Bank To Druids by MaRtin Molpeceres Tel Aviv - The decades long crisis between Israel and Palestine has come to a shocking conclusion this week as diplomats at the UN have agreed to offer the disputed territory of the West-Bank to druids. The Celtic sorcerers have expressed satisfaction with the arrangement, and hope to create a dialogue with locals. “We were more than happy to settle the West Bank,” said Ailill The Farseer, head druid of Ár Draíocht Féin, a druidic organization, at a press conference at the UN General Assembly. “I really think our hip, progressive brand of neo-paganism can end this multi-generational conflict once and for all.” The West Bank, an area of land contested between Israel and Palestine, has been the site of violence between local Jewish and Muslim populations who each claim the territory as their own. Yet the move to just give the territory to druids was met positively by the locals.

“You know, at first I was hesitant of the idea,” states Assif Aoun, a Muslim resident of the West Bank. “But heck, one trip to my first Equinox ceremony and I was hooked!” “It’s really changed the vibe,” concurred Yael Barihun, a Jewish neighbor. “Now, having a stone solstice circle between the local synagogue and mosque has added a certain je-ne-sais-quoi to the architectural aesthetic. Thanks druids! The international community has praised the idea, and between adherents of Islam and Judaism the UN Secretary General António Guterres hopes adding druids will get the balance just right. “I mean, fuck it,” said Mr. Guterres. “It’s not like shit could get more fucked up.” At press time three newly-formed radical Druid militias carried out attacks in Gaza.

Nov 21st, 2017

FIVE SEXY FACTS ABOUT SPACE by EGG MAN The Moon Has Strong Pull Out Game Many, many, many, Taylor Swift albums ago, when the world was new and fresh, the moon was still a part of the earth. However, everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Except the fire nation was an asteroid. And when it hit the ground, it caused the moon to pull out of earth faster than a frat boy without a condom. It then stayed within the earth’s orbit, like an emotionally distant ex who won’t commit but still keeps you on the hook. This event led to ocean tides and probably stopped the earth from flooding. So next time there is a full moon, take a minute and say thank you to the glowing potato in the sky for being a little prick.

Space is expanding. Like my penis Since its conception, space has been expanding at a rate faster than the demon bicycles that come barrelling down the McGill ghetto. As a matter of fact, it’s expanding faster than the speed of light. So if midterms don’t rob you of the will to get up in the morning, the ever-expanding darkness definitely will.

Space is also ripping. Not like my penis.

But like my butthole

The very fabric of space is coming undone. As it expands it also rips. From galaxies to subatomic particles, the universe is progressively losing its shit. This (hypothetical) phenomenon is known as the Big Rip. I’m sure you can tell those hot shots at NASA are really creative with names. Warning; this is a physical cosmological model. If you see this this happening to your own body, GET HELP. The McGill clinic is shitty but free.

Two is better than one That’s right you guessed it. I’m talking about binary stars. No? You weren’t thinking of that? Dirty pervert. These bad girls come in twos and know just how to work it to get noticed. Binary stars are star systems that orbit around a common barycenter. From far away they look like just one star. Research even shows that most stars we can see with our naked eyes may actually be binary stars, which appear brighter and more visible together.

The best succ is in space You may think this is strange, you may judge the validity of these facts, but I promise on the flaming red cataclysm that was David bowies hair- it’s all true. Black holes are super powerful forces. Like your ex stalking your insta at 2 am, they are unstoppable. The pulling power is a result of the size of the star’s core and its mass. As the core collapses, its gravity increases, pulling everything inwards. Its strength is so strong, not even light can escape. Having said that, don’t go sticking your wee wee in a black hole. Just don’t do it.

The Plumberâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Faucet - Vol. XXXIV No. III

McGill Astronomy Club

by resident astronomy club member NoffMAN Benhe-moon Have you ever felt out of place, and looked up to the sky at night, trying to see the bigger picture? McGill's very own astronomy club is searching for stars, and one of those could be you! We are excitedly seeking out new members, technical experience not required. We'll teach you everything you need to know, so that you too can take part in the wonderful science of astronomy. We meet weekly to discuss the most fascinating aspects and up-to-date information available to astronomers everywhere. Everyone is welcome (especially Libras!), but a knowledge of planetary movement, constellation identification, and a spiritual trust in the unknowable are great assets! We have famous speakers from across the world come to lecture thanks to McGill's world-class academic distinction. Listen to Stephen Hawking talk about planetary alignment. Then listen to Shelly's Aunt Gabrielle with the appropriated daishiki and inappropriate vision board talk about the significance of planetary alignment on your love life! Welcome Neil Degrasse Tyson as he talks about the chemical evolution of Galactic Bulge, while you try to stymie your own chemical evolution witnessing Neil's Galactic Bulge. As famous astrophysicist Carl Sagan cleverly put it, "Gemini aligns with the third phase of Saturn, so you might come into some sweet cash." Science!!!!! We meet every Thursday in the McGill Space Observatory, unless Mercury is in retrograde. In that case, don't leave your house!

Nov 21st, 2017

The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. XXXIV No. III

Cocktail Corner

by Sarah Jessica Kilgallen, Faucet Alcoholic Correspondent ASTROPHYSICS: THE SAGITTARIUS B2 Specialty drinks taiIngredients: Black rum, raspberry lored specifically for Ingredients: Curaçao, Campari, soda liqueur, cream different academic For overwrought logological aureAccording to Belloche et al. (2009) disciplines to add a ation as porphyrian as Bulwer-Lytton, a large cloud of ethyl formate in our little flair to your despite the fact that there’s already a galaxy tastes of rum and raspberry. In next departmencocktail called the “Dark and Stormy” this cocktail the taste of this celestial tal meeting or and it’s actually frustratingly good. The body is recreated, creating a drink that’s tenure review proportions are variable—mix yourself a out-of-this-world (pun mandatory in all hearing. short glass as brief as a Hemingway senspace-related popular media). tence for a quick nightcap, or pour out a long draught as tortuous and torturous as SOFTWARE ENGINEERING: THE JAVA UPDATE a sentence of Henry James, and wake up in a Ingredients: Coffee, Irish whiskey, cream, week. brown sugar, glass stemmed mug, ball-pein hammer MANAGEMENT: THE BUSINESS CASUAL It’s an Irish Coffee, but before serving crack Ingredients: Gin, dry vermouth the mug discreetly with the hammer and see if Yeah. Yeah, it’s just a martini. No olive, they can find and fix the bug in time to drink it. though, that would be a bit much, you know? ENGLISH: THE PURPLE PROSE

COMPUTER SCIENCE: THE MINSKY PICKUP

CHEMISTRY: THE MAD DOCTOR Ingredients: Stock solution ethanol, green food dye, dry ice, Erlenmeyer flask Ha. Ha ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha ha ha ha !! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! AHA! AHAHAHAHAHA!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!

ENGINEERING: THE IRON RING Ingredients: Why bother? Is there something I could put here that you wouldn’t drink? Just go grab a crate of Molson and drink it out of a Dollarama skull decoration or something already. Drink forty of ’em. What do I care?

PHYSICS: THE DEMON CORE Ingredients: Tequila, heavy water a glow stick, one of those giant spherical ice cubes that look neat and are really trendy but are also actually super inefficient at cooling the drink due to their surface area Drink in the middle of the New Mexico desert without considering the moral ramifications of your actions. Now you are become Drunk, the Destroyer of Cocktails: Look on your works, Ye Mighty, and vomit a little bit.

Ingredients: Coffee, Irish whiskey, cream, brown sugar, glass stemmed mug, ball-pein hammer [It’s exactly the same thing as the Java Update, but don’t tell them that or you’ll have to sit through a fifteen-minute lecture on how they’re completely different drinks but still it’s unfair that one is so much more money.]

ARTS: A STERNO AND BLINDNESS Ingredients: Sterno, blindness Retro-loving hipsters will enjoy this throwback-drink reminiscent of the wild Jazz Age cocktails of the 1930s, when thousands put out to the street by the Great Depression resorted to drinking denatured methylated alcohol from Sterno cans, which had been poisoned to enforce Prohibition. The transatlantic accents and swing music are optional; the irreversible vision impairment is mandatory—and permanent! But hang your peepers on that gnat’s-whistle purple color, jazzcats … at least while you still can!

DENTISTRY: MOUTHWASH Ingredients: Creme de menthe, a tiny waxpaper cup Serve the creme de menthe in the waxpaper cup. Instantly evoke the atmosphere and romance of a middle-aged man whose nose you can see up saying “Now you can spit if you need to.”

Nov 21st, 2017

WRITE FOR THE FAUCET!! Do you ever come home from a long day at McLennon? Do you ever sit down on a couch and watch TV? Do you ever go to the coffee shop and find a line of 15 people waiting to take their order? Me too! Sometimes I like to write for the Faucet though, which is really cool. It’s low commitment, takes no previous writing experience and we take submissions from EVERYONE. For submissions and questions, send a nicely worded email to: faucet@mcgilleus.ca

Join McGill Improv! Hey! You, reading this! You’re reading something (mildly) funny! I bet you’re interested in funny things. You are, aren’t you? I’ve got you figured out. If you want to know where to find more funny things, check out or join McGill Improv, another hilarious, low commitment club. McGill Improv has weekly workshops on Saturdays from 1-3 pm. They meet at the SSMU lobby then head up to the Club’s Lounge for the workshop itself. It’s a drop in workshop so once again, NO commitment necessary! It’s just a bunch of nice fun people having fun. Speaking of McGill Improv, they have a show coming up on the 25th in the SSMU Club’s lounge at 7 p.m. A perfect place to bring a hot spicy date! So if you’ve got one, congratulations, you know what you’re doing the night of the 25th!

The Plumber’s Faucet - Vol. XXXIV No. III

Weather Corner!!! by Gourmet Weather

Gourmet Weather brings you... Atmospheric Rivers!!

Atmospheric Rivers (AR) are talked about a lot these days, so it’s a term you want to know! AR’s are long, narrow bands of water vapour that flow through the upper troposphere like rivers in the sky. Unlike normal rivers though, the average AR carries between 7 and 15 times the flow of water as the Mississippi! When AR’s hit land and are pushed up mountains, the water vapour rises and condenses, falling as rain or snow. The most well-know AR is the Pineapple Express, which brings moisture from Hawaii to the Western US. If you know about the floods in California last winter, the 2010 “snowmageddon”, even the 1998 icestorm, these are all atmospheric river events! In fact, in midlatitude regions, AR-caused storms are responsible for more than half of all extreme weather events! BUT, AR’s don’t just cause floods, they are also crucial for water supply. On average they provide half of the annual precipitation for the west coast! It is still unknown how precipitation patterns will change with global warming, but for the midlatitudes, AR’s can make or break a stable climate.