Vol 14, No 5 - The Extreme Issue by The Plumber's Faucet

jam - pa cked with the most filler and the least truth

Are you extreme enough to handle our extreme issue, Pansy? EK~~",e

Are you environmentally aware, arsehole?

Save half the normal amount of paper by purchasing one-ply toilet paper for your wiping ~eeds.

Folding single-ply toilet paper into doubled up segments makes for a more comfortable, two-plyesque wipe. Plus, one-ply is less wasteful. Number of full-time out-of-province students' tuition it would take to pay Principal Shapiro's salary: about 60 When the salmon are running, get out of their way. Jesus, how did those things learn to run? Number of threatened lawsuits received by the Plumbers' Faucet in the last two years:

Number of times the Faucet has been mentioned in the McGill Reporter (a sure sign of credibility): 0 Total number of hours of 'research' 'conducted' by Faucet 'reporters' for al/ 'articles' printed [this1 year: '0'

Most people wer~robably too caught up in the trivialities of their pathetic lives to notice that this week was Environmental Awareness Week. Budding young engineers are alive with the spirit of conservation, preservation and some other word ... or are they? You might be thinki~g you're quite the environmental warrr~r because yo~r ca~ned tuna has a picture of a dolphin on It; you now pump your hairspray instead of spr.aying it and you ·throw your newspaper In the recycling bin after you've finished reading the comics, but compared to how much you consume otherwise are you really doing anything to help? Canada is the largest per capita producer of garbage in the world and, accordingly, one ofthe top per capita consumers. This week could have been a time for us all to examine our own habits and see if our lofty standard of living can't take a little cut for the betterment of the world. To this end the Plumbers' Faucet provides a rigorous assessment of your "think ~Iobally, act locally'" conscience by asking..... "ARE YOU ENVIRONMENTALLY AWA'RE, ASSHOLE?" Just answer these simple questions and

tally your score at the end. Amount of concern shown by SSMU types about the conspicuous absence of a 'No' committee for the Student Day Care Referendum: 0.01 (In Attablns, the official concern measurement unit) Percentage of Faucet editors concerned about the conspicuous absence of reporters on staff: (Attabins)

Number of teams who have complained that Scilo Hoc/a sucks after losing to them:

at least 2 Percentage of Francophone Mcgill students who like the Faucet:

50.6 Amount of stupid new brands beer companies have come out with (like, for example, E.O.S.) in the last two years:

19 Number of last Mohicans remaining:

1 (I mean, if you were one of the last few Mohicans, you'd proabably consider killing the other ones so you could be last) Number of immortal killers there can only be: 1 (In Lamberts) Number of guns killed by people over the last 12 months: 4239 (guns) Number of people who mourn for dead guns:

Hey, next week is poutine week in McConnell Cafeteria. We kid you not.

1. You had a coffee from the cafeteria yesterday. You had one today. You will probably have one tomorrow. What do you do? • Noticing a trend, you bring in ~ mug from home along with your own Bridgehead coffee, unrefined sugar and soy milk. (2 pts.) • Only use a new cup after your

search through the garbage for a fairly clean one is fruitless. ( 1 pt.) • Double up on those foam coffee cups because, hey, that stuffs hot on the hands! (0 pts)

2. You're about to start your lengthy assignment for some crap-ass Stupid Engineering course 306-blah blah blah. What's your take on this little situation? • Using your highly-bleached . . ' nrce, whl~e, recycled-fibre-free, e~rah~a~-welght paper, you start off w~~?a nrce trtle page (to please your TA. ...... ) and pro~ed. to write on ~ne side of each oSheet with Irberal sp~crn~ throughout. Remember, presentatron IS key. (0 pts., you knob) • No cover, but you have to leave a fair bit of space in case you make a mistake. Of course, what are you doing your own work for anyways? (1 pt.) • You use paper from either your CARE pad (post-student, one side clean) ; your stock of not-so-white, highpercentage-recycled-fibre paper or simply e-mail it. (2 pts. If your prof doesn't like it, 0 pts. for them!)

any major newspaper. Intent on not producing something that perpetuates the negative stereotypes of your department, y~u d~cide to put the kai~osh (sp?) on It until you can come up With a new, more palatable format. ( 2 pts.) • Decide to reduce circulation slightly, but just until the stUdents come around and discover the genius of your brainchild. (1 pt.) • To hell with those trees baby! A . . . ' campus publrcatlon that alms. to pres~rve the status quo an~ a":hat IS wrong With our consumer society IS any advertiser~ dream, ~nd more ad~ertising dollars IS okay With you. Besld~s, anyone that read~ you were head edltor,of The Bottom Lick on your resume won ~ know (or probably even care) th~t It w~s hugely ~npop~lar. You deCide to Increase Circulation. (0 pts.)

4. You're heading down to Rue Ste. Catherine to go out for dinner. You decide on: •

. Mr. Steer. One of their thick, juicy,

1 lb. steaks represents: 35 Ibs. of topsoil lost; 16 Ibs. of grain and soy fed to the cow; a 90% waste of protein, a 100%

3. You're the ~ditor-ilJ::~iefQf.M.~I1@Iil~ ment's new publication, the Bottom UCK;

(remember, this is all hypothetical) and notice that about every you copy you publish ends up being thrown in the recycling bin after going untouched on the stands. What's your call? • Realize that your stream of rightwing, bland, mainstream, corporate-asskissin', money-grubbin', consciencevoid drivel might appeal to some management students, but they can read that kind of thing, and of higher quality, in

::s~~Q~~~.r:e~ ~~, ~.~ through livestock; a ratio of 78 calories

offossil fuel expended in producing beef to 1 calorie gained by eating it; approximately 160 Ibs. of potatoes, or other cereal crops, which could have been produced on the same area of land; a fantastic drain on resources with about half of all water used in the U.S. for all purposes going to feed livestock and about half of the world grain harvest going to feed them. (0 pts.)

continued on p.5

Students get screwed .. Part6 ,tI~ e aI/ remember the S;gnals

wand Systems fiasco last year that left a lot of electrical eng;neer;ng students feeUng about as needed as bath;ng su;ts ;n Antarctica. In a move that has come to reflect the attitude of adm;n;straUon towards undergrads, a faculty m;stake was 'corrected' at the expense of the undergraduates. It therefore comes as no surprise to anyone that our old friends in the EE department are at ;t aga;n. Read on to find out the sorcHd details of yet another frustrating incident. I'd rather not mention the specific course or professor because then we'd be making a specific accusation. But then again, that might not be such a bad idea ... Last semester, the U1 Computer Engineering class had a really bad teacher. The teacher did not give them a syllabus, or recommended a specific textbook, and was generally considered less than an ideal prof. But the class generally did well on midterms and quizzes, which were relevant to the material 'taught'. Near the end of the semester, the course evaluations came out. The students filled them out and let the professor have what they thought was coming to him. Some comments were doubt-

lessly more colourful than others, but this is supposed to be the point of course evaluations. Then, in the last week of school, the professor's behaviour changed dramatically. Students claim he began referring to them as "beasts·, "animals· , ana other names. At this point he also began frequently describing his failure quota. More significantly, he refused to see students during his scheduled office hours, even though he was in his office. But finally, a few students went to see him. One student, who was in danger offailing the course, pleaded with him to go through some material with him. His reply (paraphrased): "you gave me a failing grade, why shouldn't I give you a failing grade?" Students in the class alledge that he consequently gave them an irrelevant final that drastically reduced all but a few final grades. THE PROFESSOR GOT HIS COURSE EVALUATIONS BEFORE WRITING AND GRADING THE FINAL EXAM. This year, a group from this class went to professor Rumin (the Dept of EE Chair) to investigate how something like this could have happened. Professor Rumin was said to be genuinely concerned.

Quell rum blings of social revolution with Big Mac's and Freinds.

The course evaluation procedure goes as follows: the students fill out their evaluation. A member of the class puts them in a sealed enveloppe and hands them to the secretary on the sixth floor. The comments are then typed up and handed to the professor, after the final grades are in. So the leak could have occured in one of three places: (1) the student who collected them could have given them to the professor; (2) the secretary could have given them to the professor; (3) the professor could have swiped them from the sixth floor office. None of those scenarios have been proven. While the class is quite convinced that this incident occurred, no one in the department is willing to even acknowledge this. Rather than receiving an explanation they received only the usual categorical denial that anything had happened. With this denial of course comes the added bonus of no assurance that it won't happen again. Instead, the department has now made the ridiculous suggestion that students SIGN their comments. This will surely bring about more accurate and truthful discussions of a professor' s merits. Yeah right. - U2 Computer Engineering Class

it's the... Globe and Mail!

Let.terS Hold·on to your pantaloons readers; it's a real letter!

reSIDence ranTlngs refUTeD! As a former residence hall president, I feel compelled to write in response to the article in your issue of October 24, "McGill Residences: What Flo Trpcy doesn't want you to know." This piece represents the most dangerous form of "joumalism"-the mixing of sheer speculation with just enough fact to make the result plausible. Your reporter is clearly someone who knows something about the McGill Residences, but not enough to have a proper grasp of the facts. Furthermore, only someone with an axe to grind would present the "facts" in such a distorted form. A point-bypoint refutation of the factual errors in the piece would take up far more time than I have.

SO I woke up one on the following Sunday. In my province, Saskatchewan, we have no daylight savings time. Therefore, I say that Saskatchewan is a distinct society. It is shocking to know that during the last federal election, the new staggering voting hours didn't take into account Saskatchewan's distinctiveness. It is obvious that our province is not respected in this country, and it's not a new phenomenon. Many other provinces are dissatisfied with their status. Quebec is complaining for more than 30 years, and Senator Pat Carney, from British Columbia, declared that her province was mistreated within Canada. Consequently, it should be normal and legitimate for Saskatchewan to declare it's independence if Quebec and, to a certain extent, British Columbia, already want to.

For this reason, I claim my right as a Torontonian to mock anyone and everyone in Can·ada whom I choose. I demand the respect deserving of me, that which I derive from my status as a first class Canadian, that is a Canadian who calls Toronto home. If I want to call some Frenchy a Frog, and make fun of his no washing, fromage eating, unfiltered cigarette smoking and French accented talking ways then I have every right to. If I want to laugh at some Manitoban because he was stupid enough to build his house in the Red river flood plain then HA! HA! HA! It is my right to laugh with euphoric glee at some pogy-riding To pursue this goal, as soon as I gradu- former fisherman who, like the moronic jackass that he is, fished his livelihood to extinction. For all of you second class Canadians out there I, first, laugh at your sorry asses, and second, mock your cultural, religious and ethnic background if you happen to be proud of it, just because I can.

I agree that the Residences have a lot of problems. I agree that there is too mUch emphasis on the consumption of alcohol as the best route to happiness. I agree that the student staff are .underpaid for their efforts, and that many of them find their own compensation in questionable ways. I agree that the hall directors must bear ultimate responsibility for the situation as it currently stands. In summary, I agree completely with the most superficial aspects of your reporter's argument. But I disagree that the hall directors have done nothing to improve conditions in rez . Alcohol use and abuse are down drastically from where they were only two years ago. Underthe-table sales of booze have been curtailed. Hall Councils are not the debauched hell-raisers your reporter describes, and neither are"floor fellows. There are, of course , exceptions to the rule, but I strongly believe that the overwhelming majority ofthe student staff are devoted to the well-being of the firstyears in their care. (Your reporter mentions four floor fellows who were problem cases; he or she neglects to point out that what they all have in common is that they were either fired or encouraged to leave). This was not always the case, and only recently has the situation undergone substantial improvement. That improvement, though, is real and significant. It also can't be rushed. Your reporter writes that "it's the culture that's the problem"-a culture like that of a university residence system can.'t be changed overnight. Rez is by no means perfect. But a biased, deeply unfair, .logically dubious, and above all-cowardly, anonymous "report" like the one you printed won't improve anything. By all means report .facts. The Residences suffer from a code of silence that should be broken, and the Faucet, because of its heroic fearlessness (so rare at McGill), is perfect for that. But if you editorialize, at least get it right. David Reevely U2 Political Science and Canadian StUdies ted. note: Whew! that sure was boring.~

separaTiST semanTiCS Living in reSidence, I experienced something new since I left my home province: daylight savings time. A while ago, we had to put the clocks back, which I for-

capital of Canada and the source of the country's prosperity. Toronto is the brain, the heart, the mind and the soul of this nation. The rest are just the arms and the legs which do Toronto's bidding.

Gary Blaylock UO Science

Now let the real fun begin, it's reality-challenged (not fake) letter time!

THe gOOD OLD DaIS

ate, I will found my own political party, the Organization for the Advancement of a True Saskatchewan or, if you prefer, OATS. As soon as we win power, we will hold a referendum asking voters if they want their wonderful province to leave this perfidious country. If we lose the referendum, I shall blame money and Reformers. To end this letter, I will write an excerpt of one of my poems, which , I think, expresses quite well my attachment to Saskatchewan: I shall ne'er forget that glorious territory Where the provincial flags wave o'er golden rye fields, Because in these fields were sown the seeds of freedom. I pledge allegiance to Thee, 0 Saskatchewan.

Harold B. Wheaton U 1 Political Science

ToronTO slPreme I get pretty pissed off (pardon my French) whenever I hear a province complain about how "the rest of Canada doesn't recognize our distinctiveness." Blah, blah, blah... First it was Quebec, and now in infantile fashion, British Columbia is follOWing suit in a 'monkey see, monkey do' fashion. "If they get to why don't we get to!" I can hear those crybabies whining as I write these words. Well I have a little surprise for all the provinces who decry the rest of Canada for their lack of respect: get used to it! I am amongst a growing number of Ontarians who have .realized that we suffer the same lack of respect that the other provinces do. We in Ontario have the one big thing in Canada upon the back of which the rest of the provinces

When was the last time anyone heard ofthis supposed "recession" were in? It seemed that back in the early '90s that's all people ever talked about. Garreth Evans U4Commerce

TreaCHerous THesaurian capers If you can't be bothered with the time and effort it takes to write a funny sentence just do what I do. Write a regular run-of-the-mill sentence. Then using the thesaurus function on your computer convert it into a thrill ride of verbose witticisms . Ye shant be displeased with the caliber of the chortle potential of your jocular, new-fashioned edict. Walter Milhaven U3 Engineering

rez response Hey, don't you guys know that editorials should present an opinion and not the facts as your reporter did in last issue's "qez" article. A. Coyne Southam News Editorialist

prez PLeaDSI Haven't you guys noticed how little I've done this ye·a r so far? What about the rest of the SSMU execs? Beyond the fact that Duncan isn't the cleverest of people, you haven't really commented on the general lack of action by us at all. We messed up plan G! We're going after the Daily even though our paper is ten times worse! We're charging students$3 for a day care most won't use while we fight a motion to charge students money who want to use the new gym! We're idiots! C'mon, use these opportunities! T. Newell, SSMU

Once yoo finish reading thi •• tear each page into thnee lengthwi...tripsl Voila. 1!>ilet paper.

Volume 14 Nu...... 5, Thursday November 13,1997

halY What are my favorite days of the year? You might expect something like . Christmas" or "Easter' as a response . you know your standard holidays .

B~RANCOIS LAFORGE

But not me. My faVOrite days of the year are 'The day after Christmas ' .. The day after Halloween' and The day after Easter" And 1m sure there are may others out there who would secretly agree with me even though dOing so would mean burning forever In eternal hell-fire At no other times of the year can you get candy so cheap than after Halloween or Easter? (except maybe Halloween its self but 1m a little old for trick or treating now). And on what other day of the year can you buy merchandise for near cost from retail outlets than after Christmas? God bless those Christians for their commercializing instinct: otherWise I'd still be paying $79 99 for a pair of $5 Jeans. I'm all for a company making a profit. but c'mon Guess. Let's get real. Nowadays. we look forward to

the day after our most holiest of events Just to cash in on some stupid store manager's inability to correctly predict the demand for their products Listen up all you Engineering Economy students. this is a PR IME example of that whole elasticity of the supply-demand curve you 've heard about (wow ' practica l application of a course FINALLY' ) I can be heard squealing with glee when ever I enter a pharmapirx and see that most holy of signs . Candy. -50% The tradition of re-wrapping and returning gifts to the sores from whence they were purchased has become such a Canadian phenomenon that the government took upon themselves to name a day after It Nothing makes me chuckle more than when my American friends ask me: ' You celebrate Halloween up here?' and . What's Boxing Day? '. What IS Boxi ng Day Indeed' Don 't worry. though . Their ignorance is soon set aside as they take-up the trad ition of TH E DAY AFTER Now I'm not saying that this is wrong or immoral or anythlllg like that. Laws. no' I'm Just stating how surprised I am at how much religion plays a role in my life I believe now that Jesus was born so that I would never have to pay full retail again.

Me,Mom路&my Oncologist Remember back in the good old days when smoking was just about the coolest thing to do? You could have the social grace of Erkle, but when you whipped out one of those long slender tobacco sticks and lit up, you were given the respect of James Dean. Take a step back into the 60's or the 70's, a time when smokers were seen as anti-establishment and anti-government. To smoke was not only a mild addiction, it was a political and fashion statement. On the silver screen, it wasn't the nerd who hung out behind the school to light-up with his friends, but the rugged bad-boy from the' wrong side of the tracks; the guy who would be falsly accused of a crime he didn't commit, and spend the remainder of the film attempting to prove his case with the help of the good-girl. She would be the only one who believed in his innocence, and who had managed to coax the thug's tender loving side to the surface by the end of the movie, all the while on the lamb from the local aufhorities. ... but I digress .... Sometime during the 60's and the 90's, the tobacco companies got a whole lot richer despite the advertising ban placed on their product in Canada. We no longer refer to them as companies, but as corporations, and their ad campaigns are no longer targeting the anarchists in our societv: but the every-

toppest ones

The

op lipS were by some guy in Political Science who thinks he's funny By the way, what's up with all these political science people reading our paper and writing in to us? Don't they know that we make everything up?'

To avoid controversy, write "hilarious" articles about nameless multinational corporations. Everyone hates these corporations, so everyone will find anything you write about them "funny".

Here we go .. . The Faucet Editors Whenever you have someone over to your home, turn on the shower or the record player whenever you tell them anything. That way, they'll think that you are a spy. J. Bond U1 Political Science Whenever your property is damaged and you can't collect from insurance because it was an "Act of God", don't sue "God" for damages because you . might get in trouble for it later.

Send snarky, critical Top Tips that bash the Faucet to the Faucet and have a letter bomb sent to your house! Chris Dye U2 Political Science Cutting the cord connecting your mouse to your computer allows you to carry it virtually anywhere. B. Gates

James Swaggart U3 Religious StudieS No matter what, don't ever sue the Devil for damages, because we know which side the better lawyers will be on. Jack Tanner, lord of all that is evil, U1 Agnostic Studies

OK, enough from that boob, here's some 'funny' ones:

day Joe Briefcase, and Cathy Car-Pool (she's a modern woman who chose to SLOW DOWN! YOU'RE GOING TO hyphenate her last name when she got KILL SOMEONE! SLOW DOWN! married). Tobacco companies now employ J. Villeneuve lobbyists who convince our government Monaco to turn a blind eye to reports that show a link between cigarette smoking and canHave a Referendum to increase school cer or heart disease: For years the feds fees. Then complain about how school believed that tobacco was not addicfees are constantly increasing. This tive ... and yet, indirectly, they themmakes you look very active and imporselves could not survive without it (or at tant. least the money cigarette taxes brought The Letter-writing Subcommittee of the it). Governments aren't the only. -ones to blame however. Whenever I ask! a friend who smokes why they still do inl given ALL the information and studies: available showing the down-side, the re sponse I inevitably get is: "That's just! statistics, and you can't live you life m~ statistics." Yet when one report is presente showing a weak correlation between. moderate drinking and better health, who do you think are the first ones lining up at the bars to drink themsel\l.es blind in hopes of living to be one hundred? You guessed it. So now smokers are no longer the left-wing, anti-authority symbols they; once were, but merely enablers for a corporate money machine who's best inter-l est isn't the health and welfare of the people, but their bottom line. Whenever I see someone lighting-up now, I only see an individual sucking back on corporate dick.

Take your own grog from your dwelling to your neighbourhood drinking establishment, thus avoiding having to pay prodigious sums for the intoxicating beverage they furnish. B. Gumble If friends have stuff that you want, just take it at an opportune twinkling and

deny any erudition when asked. C. Maniac A nip from an enradioactivated arachnid is the perfect way to become a sort ef wall-crawling stupendous man of admirable exploits. C. Kent

R.EMEMBER, WE MAKE A

BUCK EVERY TIME YOU USE

YOUR CARD, YOU F"REAKIN' LOSER

Drive 5 kilometers and hang a left. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Voila! A square.

by Da.rue-n La.ke-

pro-vegan assertions of the McGill chapter of EarthSave clashed harshly with the rational refutations of SPREAD (Students Promoting Rational Economic Analysis and Debate) this week as two of the campuses craziest special interest groups began drives to recruit new blood into their respective folds. EarthSave began this semester by launching a bold initiative to disseminate their ideologies amongst the student population at large. Amongst the techniques they've used have been a series of guest lecturers extolling the virtues of "veganism ," a bake sale in early September advertised by signs which remain painted onto McGill sidewalks and the distribution of various pamphlets and flyers . In the past, these typical techniques of rabblerousing perpetrated by left wing specialinterest groups went unchecked on the McGill campus, but a new group of engineering, management and economics students who call themselves SPREAD have decide to fight the wave of left-wing corporatism with grass roots activism. Earth Save IS a group of students riding the receding tides of the 1970's .environmental movement, dedicated to such theories as the positive attributes of a plant-based diet and global warming, to name a few. They subscribe to many of the unproven theories concocted by the new-age scientists around the world who have gained notoriety in the liberal media's war against natural resource industries . Earth Save has路 been active for the last three years her~ at McGill and in that time have recruited a strong contingent of dedicated members. "Our meetings are a great way to have fun, make new connections and talk tofu! " said one member of Earth Save who would only talk to the Faucet under the condition of anonymity. "Talk tofu! Vegans don't talk turkey, we talk tofu. Get it?" I didn't. But after a few hours of dialogue I began to pick up on some of the clever figures of speech integrating the ideologies of anti-meat consumption and insurgency. I could easily see the appeal of this exotic world of fun . For the most part, these students organize social activities to communicate their passions and ideas. Most of the members I talked to expressed their satisfaction with their attempts to "bring awareness" to the McGill student body. One interesting idea was that of a plant based diet. My anonymous contact within EarthSave explained the theory to me. "When you eat vegetables you always wash them first 路to get the pesticides and dirt off of them. But you can't quite get all the pesticides off and you end up eating some poison. But the thing of it is, they also feed plants to cows and chickens. So all the pesticides build up in the meat of these animals

meat you eat about 17 times more pesticides than if you eat plants." It sounded plausible, but global warming also "sounds" plausible. Up until this September, all had gone well for EarthSave and they operated with relative impunity. But on Tuesday, October 28 th SPREAD released their list of "McGill's Economic Enemies. " Although Earth Save ranked fourth on the list (behind: 1. QPIRG, 2. The McGill Daily, 3. LBGTM), they have been selected as the primary target for SPREAD's new political campaign. I talked with some of SPREAD's executives to talk about the role of the list in their future plans. "It is true that The Daily and QPIRG are our main opponents in the war for the hearts and minds of responsible students, but right now we're just a small group trying to break into the special-interest group market. We can do very little with the limited resources at our disposal, s9 we need to make everything we do count." said Derek Wilson, President of SPREAD. "Up until now, we've been sitting on our hands , talking about how to counteract the institutionalized liberalism here at McGill. Neo-liberalism is an encouraging start, but it isn't enough. We represent the silent majority of students who want free markets, lower taxes an d better quality serv ice . These three components are integrally interrelated within a healthy economy, but we have none of them here at McGilL" Wilson went on to explain his argument that leftist forces, while always acting in the best intentions, create inequalities that lower the standards of living, and more specifically the standards of education here at McGill, for everyone. When a group like QPIRG or the Daily uses it's reputation and resources to counteract free market forces the result is a shift in consumer behaviour. Albeit a successful short term strategy, in the long term the market will always prove stronger as supply and demand drives prices back to equilibrium. To counter these long term effects, the groups hijack the political system and pass legislation to perpetuate the inequalities. By enforcing certain types of economic behaviour, and prohibiting others, the natural equilibrium is shat-tered , leaving everyone trapped in a backwards, stagnating community. "This reasoning could make it perfectly clear to the most naive first year Arts student, and to the most brainwashed Feminist Studies graduate student that giving the Daily $6.75 per stu-

'I But more' expensive 4

nith of economic mysticism. It's perfectly obvious to anyone that giving them a handout of this nature gives them the opportunity to operate autonomously from the SSMU and the University administration, but it also allows them to operate autonomously from the students they claim to represent. If students don't want to read the [content] they print, then why should they have to pay for it?" As insightful as the penetrating arguments were, they strayed dangerously away from the initial topic: Earth Save. SPREAD's VP Finance Rutherford Wells, was willing to discuss the launch of their campaign to present the side of the environmental debate which environmentalists systematically ignore. "Earth Save advocates what they call the 'virtues' of a 'plant based diet.' But before we get started I want you to know that no one at SPREAD wants to deny anyone the freedom to choose what they are going to eat - far from it. That .is the basis of the free market. What we. at SPREAD have a problem with is distributing false information to intimidate and incite fear in order to disrupt the free market system. Take the example of grazing land. If you want to raise cattle for beef you need grazing land. And if you need grazing land you clear some forest. Telling people that cutting down trees kills the planet is like ChiC::;ken Little telling the other barnyard animals that the sky is falling . It seems like the end of the world now, but it tums out to be nothing more than a bump on the head caused by an acom. "I'm just suspicious that Earth Save is a front for those 'cruelty to animals' wackos. They're just using the environmental movement as a front to attack the livestock industry. They want to stop killing cattle because it's 'cruel ,' so they focus on the idea that you need to clear some ground for the cattle. Next thing you know the animal lovers are screaming 'Clearing ground for farms kills the planet! So save the planet, don't eat farm animals!' I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to ban farming next." Another member of SPREAD, Karen Long, had some inSightful observations to share. She focused on the self-correcting mechanism of the market and how tampering, or even ignoring, that mechanism is one of the most common causes of economic catastrophes. "It is pretty safe to assume that the worlds population will grow over the next 30 to 40 years with a net increase of about two billion people. Now let's assume that all those people keep eating meat. First of all, you're going to need farm land to raise those an imals. But with more people on the earth, that farm land is going to get more and more expensive. Secondly, ittakes about one hectare of land to raise one cow. It also takes about one hectare of land to support an entire family on plant crops, but you can sell the meat of the cattle for more than the plants you grow on the same plot of land. In the future, under our increasing population model , the world is going to need more food. As this 'demand' increases, the cost offood goes up. VVhen the population gets big enough, people won't be able to afford meat anymore. Meat will become too expensive for the common Joe, it wil l be a lUXUry item and only rich people will eat it. The mass of the population will shift to a plant based diet, increasing the demand for plants. Thus, the farm land

Give me liberty, o~ give me the tyrannical reign of the Faucet!

used to produce cattle will shift into vegetable growing farms . As the demand for a product increases. In this case food , the free market system naturally forces inefficient producers out of business. in this case meat producers. and rewards the more efficient producers. the plant farmers . In the end . the population growth will stabilize as a result of the increased scarcity of food and the production methods will become more efficient. The free enterprise system will celebrate it's finest hour "Now let s 1001< at the scenario where meat consumption is curtailed through the enforcement of a planet saving agenda. People are forced to stop eating meat nov. and all farms convert to plant crops . The world population increases , and so does food production. As the demand for food increases more forests are cut down and more land is used for crops There IS no way to increase effiCiency because we have shifted to the Ideal model. Huge surpluses will result which in tum will drive down prices to the pOint where poor nations will be able to feed their entire populations for a fraction of their GNP. In fact, the vegetarian system will fuel a huge increase In population . Inevitably resources will be exhausted as the population growth continues and the result will be world wide famine. This will In turn lead to wars for land, which will give raise to communistagrarian dictators of the Pol-Pot variety. Next thing you know you have breakaway fundamentalist republics with nuclear weapon technology, and then natu路rally nuclear Armageddon. " The arguments on both sides of this debate are theoretical and not necessarily true. This is often the case when radical special interest groups are vying' for the student fees collected by the SSMU, but it never hinders the overall outcome as one group orthe other (and often times both) will usually get the money [just ask the IGLC - eel.]. Only time will tell whose ideology will win out, but as it stands now, it will be a long and dirty battle.

McGilll Hey, maybe you have huge, impersonal classes and profs who couldn'.t give a shIT about undergrads, but at least people still think we're a credible institution.

Tbis i$ as goo~ as it's ooing to oet, so shut up.

Volume 14 Number 5, Thursday November 13, 1997 w:::-

he SSMU fees we pay seem to grow faster than an adolescent boy's willy in front of his math class. While SSMU complained to no end last year about the new 'administration fee' that got tacked on to our bills with no explanation, the fees we pay SSMU are not exactly peanuts either. It's pretty easy to see that not much of the couple hundred bucks we pay each year actually does anything for us. By the time they've paid their full time staff, given stipends to people like Duncan Reid who spend their time composing illiterate rants about the Daily, and funded the bales of paper used to make posters advertising events and issues of no interest to anybody, there should be a lot left. But this remaining money disappears faster than free bullets at an NRA convention. A few of the other things our money pays for are the salaries for people manning the umpteen polling booths open at SSMU referenda and elections, and Duncan Reid's slick Health Plan mail-out and ensuing, seemingly interminable ad campaign - but still they always need more. The latest addition to this list of nonbenefits is the most ridiculous yet: Stu-

dent Daycare. Intuitively, post-secondary students should not need any kind of care anymore. Exactly what kind of students are being let into McGill, one must wonder, if a program is required to care for some of them? Have we become the Montessori of post-secondary institutions, where Velcro-shoe wearing incapables eat peanut-butter sandwiches with the crusts cut off and arrive at school with notes pinned to their jackets? Has McGill relinquished its position as a world leader in education to become an institution full of nose-wipers and shoe-tiers? Indeed, it would seem that we have. Furthermore, why is a Day Care even necessary? Shouldn't the students who allegedly require 'Care' be in class? Where are they getting all of this free time? And if they don't attend class, then why do we Gall them students? Students attend class and do schoolwork. People who need supervision while they play with blocks and have nappy time can are obviously not attending class nor doing schoolwork. All of these facts point to one thing: the SSMU is trying to rip us off. "Student Daycare" is obviously a front to embez-

zle more money from already-penniless students like you and me. The name is clever enough: what cruel bastard would have the heart to vote against a motion involving the wO'rd 'care' in it? But, a little thought exposes the sad truth. Students do not need care, thus the SSMU must be using our three bucks each (that's $3 per semester times 15000 students, or $90000) for something else. I'm pretty lazy so I didn't really bother researching what exactly this money must be actually intended for. But, as a reporter, I have learned to use my keen sense of intuition (coupled with my knowledge that most people don't'question things they read in print) to ,come up with theories about any number of things , Therefore, here is what the money will be used for: This year's SSMU council has been remarkably right-wing to the point of comparison to Reform party members or Ontario Tories. We know that council is involved as they haven't made a peep about this referendum, except for some frenzied head-nodding whenever their adored leader, Tara Newell, speaks. This Preston-Manningesque bunch, who have already rejected plan G and are

now targeting McGill's alleged left-wing paper, the Daily, have surely noticed that the SSMU lacks any kind of weaponry. As upholders of the status quo and strong supporters of any governmental edict, the SSMU is most certainly preparing to rid this university of all vestiges of liberalism. In the next short while, expect to see the Daily office torched and its staffers sent to altemaheaven with a bullet. Watch as carefully planned hits wipe out the bleedinghearts at QPIRG. Don't be shocked when EarthSave members are found dead and their vegetarian propagci~d<l burned to ashes. Our only recourse is a rapid counteroffensive. Brutal, relentless g.uerrilla attacks on all members of SSMU council, committees and clubs must be initiated immediately . Windows must be smashed and offices must be turned to sawdust. Student Daycare has brought McGill one step closer to complete chaos. And it's all our fault. Had we for once stopped and asked the appropriate questions, perhaps this never would have happened. Trust me. I'm a reporter.

Enviroquiz continued ~ • Some seafood place. Although many people don't even classify seafood as meat, fishing practices are some of -the most wasteful of all-animal harvesting practices with the bulk of catches being thrown back (dead, of course) due to it not being commercially viable. Crustaceans aren't as bad, but you're still to be chastised. (1 pt.) • Le Commensal. Along with their vegetarian menu being much healthier, it also represents a much more efficient use of resources for food production. (2 pts.) 5. You're a guy (pretend, ladies) and you've got to take a pi-oss (urinate). What do you go about this task? • Due to your (unfounded) feeling of inadequacy and/or your (unfounded) concern about the unsanitary nature of urinals, you go into the toilet stall where you i) wipe off the seat with toilet paper, ii) wrap your hands in paper towels so as not to contaminate your "John Thompson", iii) drain the main vein, iv) flush, v) wipe the seat again because you didn't want to lift that germ-ridden thing up, vi) flush again and vii) wash your hands with plenty of caustic soda. (0 pts.) • Use the European toilet in the next stall which uses a fraction of the water of our ridiculous North American toilets. (1 pt.) • Use the urinal, like any red- ' blooded, penis-owning Canadian. (2 pts.) 6. via:

Your packed lunches are packed

• A series of tupperware containers; plastic bags re-used every day and an old, screw-top pop bottle (or thermos) for your beverage of choice, all packed in your Fat Albert lunch box. (2 pts.) • Several individually wrapped snacks; Ziploc bags which you throw away gnd a drink box, all packed in a brown paper bag which you either wear like a hat or blow up and pop; either way rendering it useless. (1 pt.)

• You don't pack a lunch, you just go to McDonald's every day. (0 pts. , and a BIG zero at that.) 7. Time to spice up your wardrobe, baby! Where do you go for some fly new threads? • Just borrow your roommates' cool clothes. That's conservation in its finest form! (2 pts.) • Anyone of a host of second-hand stores in Montreal. Not only can you find some wacked-out, dope styles but you take advantage of the gi-normous amount of quality post-consumer goods that are out there. (1 pts.) • Anyone of a host of over-priced retail shops which claim to house the hottest new fashions which, funnily enough, seem to be trying to reproduce many of the "retro" clothes you find in second-hand stores. When the next trend comes along, you'll probably ditch these ones. (0 pts.) So that's everything you need to know about your personal environmental habits. Let's add up those scores!

--J A score of11-14 means you rock! You've realized that your personal choices, no matter how petty they might se.em, have an effect and point to a society that might be changing its disgusting, mass consumerist ways.

eggs.

--J A score of 0-3 means you suck. You're not willing to make any minor sacrifices in your personal choices for the good of the world and any residents therein who don't happen to be YOU, you selfish ·dick. --J

A score of 4-11 means you're somewhere between suckin' and rockin', so there's room for improvement, you lazy bastard, but you're also no Sharon Stone (biggest anti-environment biatch), so don't fret.

Just think of them as really young chickens. (Unless you find that gross, in that case, don't)

egg shown is not actual size and mayor may not be an egg.

All the secrets of the universe are really quite simple when viewed from the right angle.

it's t ...... Globe and Mail! OK, no it isn't. Derek Amy graduated from Mechanical Engineering last spring and after beginning training in Milwaukee for his new job he was involved in an accident that took his life. Derek touched the lives of many people. After his passing his friends wrote their thoughts as they tried to come to terms with his passing. Below are excerpts from letters sent by some of his friends. For those that didn't know Derek this may give you a glimpse ~ at who he was. For ...~ those who did know Derek, take comfort from the words of others. Adam Rosenfeld: I went to the funeral home last night. I couldn 't help but feel pain in my throat, and tears in my eyes. Derek personified the type of person we should all be - friendly, genuinely caring , no worries, free at heart.

Gino Gualtieri: I still can't believe it... " How could this happen to someone who was so much like me, like all of us who graduated togetherT He was young, just finished his university degree that he spent so many long hours trying to attain. I honestly can't remember ONE time when Derek was in a bad mood, or even just slightly pissed. He always had a smile on his face and he would always crack a joke and put a smile on my face when I saw him. He especially wanted to make me laugh when my jaw was wired shut. I loved his line that he gave Johnson Controls during his interview:" You can hire me or not if you like. But I'm gOing places so if you want to come along, that is up to you."

ft;J~~. some

good. some bad. Thnte months ago , had a car accident with FranciSCO. We joked about it a lot of times. Having leamed what happened recently, it made me realize how lucky we were.

For Derek luck stroke on the other side. Many parents wonder if one day their kids will be able to face the world on their own. Well in Derek's case his parents did a hell of a fine job. Not only did Derek make it out there buJ he marked us all with his friendship . Indeed even though it had been a while since I had talked to him, the news tore me up inside. He lived his life the way he wanted it and for that I admire him.

Mauro Gargano. When I first received the news about Derek passing away, like everyone else, I just did not want to believe it. still today, after a week gone by, I believe that Derek is in Toronto with his working buddies and showing them

e •

". . ........

how to live·and enjoy life. Derek, what can I say? God has his way of taking the best ones from us. You showed many of us how to have a good time no matter what and to enjoy life to its fullest. Thank you for me realize that.

Imad Ghanem: I still remember last December when we spent the first half of the month studying AEI with Gino at my house. Each day, Derek would come in and bring these "AEI-musthave-bibles" to our amazement's. He was incredible when it came to helping his friends out. Man, he went out of his way countless times to explain to me anything I asked. The words kind , generous and funny are the best words I can associate with Derek. I truly feellucky for having him as a friend . Massimo Datilo My' memories of Derek are all good ones. He took his work seriously and he knew how to have fun doing it. I loved the way he was so high on life. He could make the ' best of everything. I remember one time when Derek had aske<!l me to go skiing on a Sunday, a Sunday before a Monday of a final CAD exam. I freaked out, "How could you go skiing a day before an exam", I said. I didn't have time to go skiing, and come to realize it, it seemed I never had time for anything but school, or at least so I thought. Derek new how to make the most of life, enjoy every day to its fullest. I will sincerely miss Derek and his warm ways.

1"lIn.IIIC

In Memoriam DerekArny Johnny Vinski It hasn't sunk in until this exact moment. just realized that this is not a rumor or some sick joke or some miSinterpretation of the story. Derek has really passed away. Yesterday was very difficult, but what made it easier was to talk about Derek. Frank and I were remembering our Design 1 days. "The Erratic Pneumatic· ...

Setimo Pino: Before we moved out to the Toronto area, Noah, Derek and myself were happy that we at least had each other to go out some time .. . Derek said, "we're gonna rock that

one of us. All of us Who knewnlm and considered him a friend keeps a part of him with us. As each of us thinks on the times we shared, the projects, the fights, the parties, and the quiet talks, we show how valuable the time we spent together really is. It also shows how much more Derek could have done with the rest of his life. Colin Jones: Derekwas by far my closest friend out here, and I hate thinking what it's going to be like without him around. The reality of it hasn't hit me yet. After all , he still has another week and a half before he gets back from Milwaukee, right? He loved the Formula 1. You can imagine my surprise and overwhelming feeling of irony when, while we were car-pooling back to Montreal, he asked me to teach him to drive standard . Villeneuve himself would have laughed. There we were, me in the passenger side in some grimy gas station outside Comwall with my poor little car lurching forwards and backwards with Derek leaming the finer points of the clutch pedal ballet. Nick Morena: I still can't believe that I will never see him and his warm smile, his cotton dockers, his baseball cap and his walk. All of which were worn with Derek's style , like a trademark. He was my official Blues Pub partner. If 4:30pm came around and Derek wasn't there, you would know something was wrong. Depending who was in the Common Room first, my first beer would come from Derek or his from me. It was routine. The stories to follow with his unique way of delivering them are what I will miss most about Derek. Alberto Sanchez: Derek was a really good friend to all of us. I spent four years working and playing with him during our stay in McGill. ,

COI.neS. studying for ex-

PierreCyr:

For as long as I've known Derek, he was always a cool guy with a smile on his face and enjoying every colour, every flavor of life. I guess his message to all who knew him was that the essence of life is to enjoy it Francois Lajeunesse: He always wanted us to stop and smell the roses. He was happy just thinking that he was in a big European ~ity. I leamed about his pizzazz and emergency beer theories. He was a great guy and an even better friend, always willing to help or cheer you up. I had an emergency beer last night...

town man ... we're gonna show them how to have a good time ..." Don't lose track of what's important guys - because it can go away sofast. .. . Peter Abramowicz: He was one of those people that you think about when you go over the good times in your mind. Knowing he is gone is knowing that part of us is gone. Derek did leave a mark in his short life. He affected every

ams, going out (Blues Pub, Pub Nites , Ste.Annes, Down Town, the parties , etc.). Basically just having a great time! It's almost as if a little something dies in each of us with the passing of a good friend...... . Remember to love a McGill Engineer The Plumbers' Faucet editors apologize for not being able to print all of the sentiments submitted to us about Derek. The vast number of personal remembrances and other kind words honouring him attest to the effect he had on people and the loving spirit in which he will be remembered.

P 'UBLIC EXAM I NAT.I [] N :S Students in Electrical Engineering were shocked last December when they opened one of their final exams and found that it was identical to one given for the past two semesters.

did not have access to "illegal" exams The EE chairman has honoured his motion and provided the Electrical Engineering Society with copies of many old exams. The EES will publish these exams, and thus the issue of "illegal" or recycled exams has (hopefully) been resolved in EE.

LUKAS CH ROSTOWSKI

Apparently the professor teaching the course did not know that this exam had been taken out of the examination room, even though the Chairman of the Electrical Department claims to have informed her of this fact two months prior (as a result of student complaints). In response to this incident, the department of Electrical Engineering passed a motion that ALL exams (including midterms), once written, are public material. This would prevent professors from re-using exams, and would give all students equal access to information, thus no student would be "shafted" if they

At the senate meeting this past Wednesday, we heard from the Student Ombudsperson about (what I speculate to be) the same issue that EE students faced last December. The Senate Academic Policy and Planning Committee proposed a motion at Senate that "unless notified by an instructor, faculties should place copies of all centrally-administered exams (except supplemental and deferred 'exams) in the relevant library or other public location." This motion passed, with much student and faculty support. But what does "unless notified by an instructor" mean? Well , professors at McGill (except in Electrical) still have the option not to disclose old exams. Hopefully, student and fae-

ulty pressure will ensure that all profs follow the Senate's view that old exams should be accessible. Maybe the faculty could adopt the EE policy? What do you think? If 200 students are made to spend 2.5 hours writing the exams, should a professor not have to spend a week writing up original questions? Is a given subject so narrow that new . questions cannot possibly be created? If that is the case, what is the value of a course that only has a finite number of questions that can be posed? Also, when you write a midterm or exam, sometimes you may not know the answer (no way!). Since we are here to learn, it would make sense if we could take our tests home with us so that we can scratch our brains a little longer... All this said, I am glad that

Prof. Rumin's "public exam" policy is catching on elsewhere in McGill. To me, this is a sign that students and faculty are working together to improve our educational system [no way! - ed].

LBGTM

398 - 6822 Mon - Fri 8pm to 11pm CONFIDENTIAL • QUEER PEER SUPPORT AND REFERRAL LINE

Fly like an eagle. swim like a otter. glide like a flying squirrel, absorb like a sponge, balance a ball on your nose like a seal. rest like a sloth and think like a monkey and soon all the knowledge of the animal kingdom will be yours.

Volume 14 Number 5, Thursday November 13,1997

WHIT UP WiTH THe new engineering emplOV'menT OttiCe Yes, the result of the referendum was clear: You believe (or at least over 60% of those who vo~ed did) that the opening of a new placement office in Engineering is worth $15 per semester. I'm glad you do. Except, now we have to deliver the goods! Life would probably have been a whole lot easier over the coming months if you had voted "No" and the faculty could just have sat back and said "well, we tried!". Howeve~, in actual fact, you've given us a very tough dlallenge: proving the office is worth $15 per semester with in 3 years or we may pull our financial support for the project. Nothing like a dlallenge

to motivate us to make the office a success!! Although it will be .a couple of months before the office is fully operational, you should start to see -some activity there over the coming weeks as various people make the move into the new space. However, in the meantime, you'll be .glad to hear that the complimentary "Electronic" version of the office is already operating and you can find it within the "Student Guide" section of the Engineering web pages. The exact address is http:// www.ee.mcgill.ca/-robj/placementl main.html Want a job? Just follow the 5 steps under the" How to'get a job" section. These allow you to do a self-assessment, gives you 1015 of examples of how to write a C.v and cover letter plus lots of tips on interview techniques. Under the" Doing Research on Companies" heading there are several databases whidl will allow you to target and researdl companies who work in areas that interest you . More database sites will be added soon, includina ones civinc vou infor-

Jobs .. The new Engineering Placement Office (to open In January 98) is looking for engineerIng students to work as paid employees at their front desk It is a great opportunity to learn how placement works. thus ImprovIng your chance for finding Jobs F or more Information. email danlelb@photonlcsee.mcgill.ca. or drop a message in the Career Days box in the EUS office.

The CFH:S': What exactly

are we up to? Lucy Pegoraro - President The- C€lnad lan Fede ration of Engineering Students has bee n wo rki ng on several things over the past yea r to promote and represent YOUI H&re IS a list of some of the Initiatives we are wo rki ng on : Canadian Council of Professional Engineers (CCPE): The CFES IS worki ng With the CCPE (who are responsible for accred itating englneerrng prog rams) by giving them feedback about what WE want from an eng ineenng education (to ensure that ou r education IS constan ly evolving accord ing to what skills we need in industry). We have also given th is feedback to the Deans of every eng ineerIng school across the country. The CFESI CCPE IS currently determining what both organizations can do ensure that students are represented in every decision affectIng engineering education. Dec 6th Memorial: The "Montreal Massacre" that took place December 6th, 1989 - killing 14 engineering women is remembered by students across the country. The CFES, in previous years, distributed "14 Not Forgotten Pins". However, the fam ilies of the victims have requested that we promote the White Ribbon Campaign - symbol izing "awareness of violence against women". Improving Translation for the CFES: We are currently revising the translation procedures across all branches of the Federation. Build International Relationships: Currently, we are have been involved with providing leadership to eng ineering student leaders in the United Kingdom by helping them set up a national engineering student body. These are some of the initiatives (among many others) [I bet! -ed.] that we have been working on. If you have any questions, feedback or comments on any of these issues, please ema il me at <president@cfes.ca>. All the best, and have a wonderful holiday season I I I

mation on Advanced Materials, Metals & Mineral Processing , Robotics, the Quebec Aerospace Directory (and the Russian one!) , software companies, New Media, Transportation and more. Access to these directories will help you identify the company you should be targeting for a summerlinternship or fulltime job. Then, best of all, under "Step 4", you should follow the "The Ideal Way". Otherwise, start looking at the other various sources for current openings. Step 5, "Jobs Currently Available at McGill", should be operational in the next few weeks - as they say - it's"Under Construction" - please bear with us! I'd appreCiate hearing your feedback regarding the new pages. We will also try and add subjects or links to other sites that you find useful. Summer Jobs Hopefully you're all already aware of MESEP (the McGill Engineering Summer Employment Program) which is currently located in room 340 in McConnell (but whidl will also be incorporated into the new placement office). The individuals mann ina this office are students and

retired volunteers who work tirelessly to find you summer work opportunities and help you prepare your·c.v.'s, applications and interviewtedlniques. Drop by and see them if you'd like to learn more.

The other MUST for engineering students looking for summer work is to register with the PLACEMENT ETUDIANT DU QUEBEC. Even though the PEQ's offices are located close to campus, in 770 Sherbrooke West, registering with them has been made even easier now that you can do it via the web. If you want summer work, REGISTER NOW! Many Quebec-based companies and ALL Quebec government summer jobs are handled by the PEQ.

-<"'\

Check out their site at: http://www. placernent-etudiantmjcstgouv.qc.ca1 Please forward your comments about any of the above to MARK@ENG1.LAN.McGILL.CA Mark Hollingworth, Director, Office of Liaison with Industry, Faculty of Engineerin

What the hell 1s CoFIQ? CoFIQ (Coalition des Facultes d'ingenierie du Quebec) is the student organization that groups all the engineering undergraduate societies in Quebec. It is represented by the VP External of each university and sometimes one other person. CoFIQ meets about once a month-and-a-half, and the last meeting was the big weekend of the year called SMALA. It was in a remote summer camp kinda place by a lake near Sherbrooke. We got to go canoeing and did

some archery, although some had more fun than others (there are some pictures of Dean Dealy around somewhere that would be worth taking a peek at). Some serious stuff was talked about, mainly what was happening at eadl of the universities. The most interesting is that Universite Laval is having some troubles with its engineering publication. A few weeks back, an article was published analyzing the statistics of female butt si;ze at different locations around campus [note: Jay, I'm no editor but, maybe you should stop writing that butt size article - it might not be such a good

idea. John] . It was thoroughly tasteless, and there was so mudl controversy surrounding the article that not only was their student SOCiety under heat, but their VP in charge had to resign [Actually, Jay .. um, nevermind - John] . Anyhow, the next meeting November 22nd at Concordia University, and EVERYONE is invited to attend. All EUS members pay 21 cents each , so might, as well get the most out of it.. If you're interested, please see Vincent Morency, orvia e-mail : eithervinish@ee.mcgill.ca or truomeng@ee.mcgill.ca .

counCil SPV: THiS' Time iTS this article is written by some guy ERTW: Engineers Rule the World, Are fhose T-shirts still on sa le? I should get me one, Okay, so we had the Halloween council on Tuesday, October 28 and many a councilor were sporting their unusual and original chapeaux for the event (which took place at 2020 university).

the evening a motion was presented to mandate the VP to dance the Macarena once again (sans loop-hole) with mudl grumbling from a couple of the· councilors over the time being wastedin presenting the motion.

Kudos for the room change! It may have been a little further to walk than I:lp 2 flights of stairs, but MAN was that view something' elsel Council Spy has a suggestion that we rename the council to: "Mile High council ", or "Nose-bleed council"

, At this point I would just like to state a couple of things: First of all , the motion probably took twice as long to go though council because of the grumbling and complaints by some of the councilors, Secondly, joke motions are a tradition in council and bitching will not make them go away. If a councilor has to ABSOLUTELY leave council because of a prior engagement, or to study for a midterm , he or she is free to do so, but I would ask that you not ruin the fun for everyone else.

Anyways , on to more important stuff. There is one little thing that this spy would like to report on: as I mentioned in the last faucet, our VP Academic Midlael Kamel was suppose to dance the Macarena on the table ... however due to a tedlnicality (or loop-hole) he didn't. Later on in

*phew* Okay, on to more pressing issues. Everyone will be happy to know fhat the publication policy passed though council with a couple of friendly amendments being made at the last minute, If you would like to see the policy, then head on down to the IRON RING ROOM,

perSOh-aL~1

Concrete Toboggan was given $500 to [spend on alGohol and prostitutes (both male and female of course] out West this year. That' s $500 of our hard-earned cash , so don 't let us down I At least bring back the best wipe-out award , Referendum Results: Even though most of you probably know the resul1s of the referendum by now, I thought I'd use up a little more space to remind you one last time: 63% YES , 37% NO. This means that everyone coming back to McGill in January will notice an extra $15 tacked onto your tuition bill , and a brand new office in the Frank Dawson Adams building, USE IT. Finally, a little reminder that the Quebec Engineering Games sign-up has started, and this year it's being hosted by Concordia, Ask your class reps for details, or talk to the QEG committee if you'd' like to join-up .. and you'd better because we're in our home tqwn this year so we'd better make a good showing. Make me proud kids.

IU'I't: Illilllrill 11111. 1bere wVI he a kick:ass post.,flagball/SGCCef finals blues pub on friday brought to you bw tbe Engineering Oames delegation! For all those who . . signed up for eng ganes, congratulations! " you missed the first meeting last Friday, 'see Diane and fill out tbe form. Ned meeting is 1bursday, November 13th, at 4pm in tbe COIftnon room. Bring tbe cornpleted acfivifies form, as well as yow picture. " you really really can't make it, th8n let us know, and give your picture and form to Dianne ~ .11ursdav ~~When will they ever learn that a squirrel in the pants doesn't solve all the worlds problems.

it's the.•• Globe and Mail! OK, no it isn't.

ep, I've realized that its no use

being an advocate for change. I've decided to take that well worn path, you know, the most traveled one, and follow it. Recent events have changed my outlook on life.

NOT BY TO;"Y, BUT HIS 1.01'\G LOST fVILT\VI I' \ , WHO IU Cf i\ !TLY i\\\'OKf FRO!\\ HIS CO,\\ ,\ I visited my friend at his office, and I realized that I want to be more than an employee. As I walked down the hall to his office, I saw row upon row of cubicles, with their human prisoners toiling in front of computers. It reminded me of my trip to the zoo as a child, but without the bars between me and the captured creatures of wild, which were all too sad and listless. As I would pass, they would look up at me with their tired eyes, a momentary distraction in their mundane lives. They looked with envy at me, wishing they were only visiting as I was. I almost felt morally obl igated to save them, or shoot them dead to release them from their pain. I also recently bumped into an ex-girlfriend. Of course, we were supposed to stay friends but it was just a line she used on me to make me feel better. Actually, it only made me feel worse because it meant she would stay in my life. The whole point of breaking up is to get out, and stay out! You brake up with someone for a reason. It's funny how when people break up they say they want to stay friends because wl:'at they are really meaning is " let's not have sex, but let's argue a,"1 the time like before." Not an attractive situation because sex

makes the arguments bearable. People always stay in bad relationships for too long. They don't realize that love is like the Titanic: you think it's unsinkable, but .somewhere out there in the Mid-Atlantic, it hits an iceberg. But you refuse to get off the ship, because, it's only a small iceberg, and the Titanic is unsinkable! So people end up getting drowned when the ship finally goes under. Dumping girlfriends is one thing, but meeting them is another! For example, if you're a nice guy, you might as well join the clergy, and grab the seat at the confessional, because women are only going to confide in you about their bad relationships with assholes . How many times have my friends complained about the following: "Tony, the girl told me I'm a great guy, I'm so easy to talk to, so trustworthy and funny, but she only wants me as a friend." This confuses me because it seems to me those are the qualities women look for. Or unless I'm'

want to learn how to distinguish between wines from the different regions of France (I want my wine not to have a twist off cap, too). I want to learn the joys of thumbing my nose at people who are not as fortunate as I. I want to be picked out of the line by the bouncer at a trendy underground bar. I want to spend my time thinking about different ways to measure my money. For example, if I place a loonie end to end, how far would it reach into space? Of course, my politics would veer to the right. I would learn how sweet it is to destroy unions and undermine the country's social safety net. Outrageous ... but oh so much fun. The rich would be so bored if there weren't poor people to torment. I want to make sure that I'm the one who torments, and not the other way around. Or, this could be sarcasm ...... ha haha .. .

Engineering Undergraduate Society of McGill University

Basement, McConnell Engineering Building

Can't find a copier in Wong Building? You need to photocopy a document but you don't know where to find a copier, What will you do?

Copi-EUS has a solution for you, • Brand new Xerox BK 35

• In the Wong Building's locker area • Because, we will provide the best service there is.

DEADLINE: DECEMBER 19, 1997

CALL FOR APPLICATIONS

t-...

wrong and women look for unhygienic, drug-addicted, unemployed slobs whose idea of romance is foreplay. I'm sure this also applies to women looking for boyfriends. Humans are such strange creatures. So which path is most traveled? It's called becoming bourgeois. I want to join the upper middle class and worry only about how my mutual funds are performing. It's just not worth the time to change the world into a better place. To go against the grain and fight oppression and poverty as tiring and demanding. By the time you've done any good, you're dead! And I need to feel alienated as much as I need a fork in my eye. I want to be normal, just like everyone else. Yes, I too want a ridiculously overpriced foreign car, and be a patron to the arts. I want to wine and dine beautiful people at expensive restaurants where they pass off entrees for meals. I

AWARDS AND FELLOWSH liP FORENGINfERING STUDENTS '

To encourage the ne.xt gen~ration, the Ordre des ingenieurs du Quebec grants each year awards and fellowship to full time engineering students in an undergraduate program at a Quebec university. STUDENT AWARDS FOR EXCElLENCE • $2,000 in cash Prize awarded to a student in recognition of academic achievement and community and extracurricular activities, at each university-level institution in Quebec. • Eligibility for selection of a study trip abroad The selection of the winner of the study trip, for the province of Quebec as a whole, will be made among the winners of the student awards for excellence. Eligibility: minimum of 45 and maximum of 75 credits successfully completed, minimum cumulative general average of 3.5 out of a maximum of 4.3 or the equivalent.

KRASHINSKY FELLOWSHIP • $3,000 in cash • Study trip abroad Fellowship presented to a student for distinguished community service and successful studies. Eligibility: minimum of 60 and maximum of 90 credits successfully completed, minimum cumulative general average of 2.5 out of a maximum of 4.3 or the equivalent . ... >.

GRADUATE STUDIES ENCOURAGEMENT AWARD • $3,000 in cash Award given to a student who has just completed undergraduate studies and Wishes to continue graduate study in a field considered relevant and essential to the advancement of the profesf~on. Eligibility: minimum cumulative general average of 3 out of a maximum of 4.3 or the equivalent.

STUDENT VOLUNTEER AWARD • Paid work term at the Secretariat of the OIQ in Montreal, lasting 12 to 16 weeks. Prize awarded to a student for continuing commitment as a volunteer with an on-campus student organization. Eligibility: minimum cumulative general average of 3 out of a maximum of 4.3 or the equivalent.

FOR MORE INFORMATION 111!

Contact the professor representing the OIQ on your campus, Mr. Luc Chouinard, Eng., room 484, Mcdonald Engineering, or call the OIQ: (514) 845-6141, or 1 800461-6141, ext. 111. Please ask for detailed pamphlet.

Ordre des ingenieurs du Quebec

Yes,

YOll

have made it to the back page. Unfortunately YOll must now wait another two weeks f~r your next fix of verbose joke.