popular STAND 74

EDITORIAL Friends, Rovers, Doncastrians, Welcome to the much anticipated, much delayed issue 74 of popular STAND. Actually, only part of that sentence is true; whilst this ‘zine is a whole four weeks late reaching your fair hands, only one of you bothered to email and ask where it was? There we were, milk-bottles piling up by the door of popular STAND Towers and only one solitary person wondered what had become of us. Shame on you all. Not you Neil Tate, no, you cared.

But the rest of you, let it be known we have accepted you’re pound only grudgingly.

Anyway, thanks once again for buying what is a packed issue of the fanzine; forty pages covering everything from supporter roles to slam-dunking leprechauns. And you only paid £1 too; Jack the Miner’s beautiful reminisces of tales of Charlie Williams alone is worth more than that, so well done on picking up a real bargain. Hope you enjoy it, and the march

Earlier this month excellent website Two Unfortunates ran a mini-series on gender and football, which I was lucky enough to be asked to contribute to. Aside from my own blabbering about the FA Women’s Super League their week of articles contained a couple of fascinating pieces on the experiences of female fans and sexism in football.

Sexism and boorish glad-ladding may have taken a significant boot to the bollocks-speak in the light of Richard Keys and Andy Gray’s highprofile disappearance from view, but that’s not to say the objectification of women in and around football is no longer a problem. Exhibit A in this case being none other than Keepmoat matchday staples the One Call Girls.

Of course these are independent women and indeed open to their own career choices, and so if that is the employment they wish to choose then they’re of a right to do so.

CONTENTS: ISSUE 74 05.

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The Bernard Glover Diaries Spotted Tweet Disposition In Off the Post Bag We All Love...

Go Away Remembering the First Time To Lindum and Back Gary Brabin Memorial Lounge Jack’s Craic

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Theo-Logical Stake and Chips Follows the Rovers Memorable Memorabilia The Life of Brian Jack the Miner’s Coal Face From Beneath the Statue Windmills of Your Mind Reg Ipsa: Legal Beagle Keepmoat Krushes

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But that the roles themselves exist, where women are used as windowdressing n skin-tight wipe-clean lycra to promote insurance of all things, is sexist in a very creepy way; and that’s before we even get started on the insistence of calling them ‘Girls’ rather than women.

Also discussed in that series of articles was the projection (and wider laddish assumptions) of masculinity which permeates the game. The latter of these was particularly pertinent given February happens to be Football vs Homophobia’s month of action. Whilst we have thankfully reached a point where it is widely (but sadly not quite universally) accepted that racism in football is completely unacceptable, homophobia sadly remains prominent.

How often have you heard players referred to as being a ‘puff ’ or such, should they have the temerity to not fly into a fifty-fifty challenge?

How often do you overhear ‘banter’ between players or supporters in which someone is chided someone for looking ‘gay’? It seems to just pass by and be swept beneath the rug, but should be challenged in the same way I would hope you would all do if overhearing racist language at the game.

Thanks to the great work of Football vs Homophobia there have been some brilliant initiatives and milestones in combating homophobia in football this year – indeed whilst Rovers were facing Crawley, one of my now local teams Dulwich Hamlet were hosting the Gay Supporters’ side Stonewall in a landmark friendly game. But for all these positives there have also been some worrying reminders of oldfashioned attitudes.

In January, ahead of Charlton’s game against Brighton, the Addicks’ LGBT supporters group were contacted to ask if they would like to meet-up with a like-minded group before the game. On arrival it turned out to be a hoax, and instead members of the Charlton fans group were attacked. It is 2015, and, put plain and simply, such nonsensical violence as this should not be happening.

Though there is no official LGBT Supporters Group at Rovers, statistically there will be gay or lesbian football supporters in the stadium today, possibly even on the pitch too. The person beside you might be gay, the person in front of you perhaps, you yourself even (although you’d probably know if that was the case, but you get what we’re saying). My point is that whilst you will no doubt be able to take a pretty good guess at those who are likely to feel victimised by racsist or sexist abuse and songs, you probably won’t be able to tell who could find homophobia offensive. It shouldn’t matter of course, but still, just remember that Rovers are a small-town community club, and that no-one from that town, black or white, female or male, young or old, gay or straight, should ever feel their support to be less valuable than anyone else’s.

So there you have it; whatever race, age, sex or sexuality let this fanzine and this club be here for you… just so long as you never take a picture at the match with a f***ing iPad you’re alright by us.

Viva Rovers!

04 | PS74 | Jan-Feb 2015 | a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster

GW

THE BERNARD GLOVER DIARIES LONG TRIPS FOR NOTHING AND SHORT TRIPS FOR NOTHING, IT’S ALL IN OUR ROUND-UP OF THE LAST FEW WEEKS. SATURDAY 13 DECEMBER ROVERS 1-2 GILLINGHAM

SATURDAY 20 DECEMBER SWINDON TOWN 0-1 ROVERS

Take this game out of the context of the season thus far and it would’ve simply been a frustrating 90 minutes. One in which Rovers dominated possession, and had the more efforts on goal, but were picked off by an away side who dug in and seized upon two mistakes.

Those games happen. But for those who’d sat through Rovers’ wretched home form since August, this game was sadly very much in context; a stifling hour and a half of underachievement.

Rovers struggled against a weighty tide of frustration and annoyance, which had been snowballing with each lacklustre home display that has preceded it. As such the atmosphere at the Keepmoat was so flat it was practically concave.

Out of the darkness came light. From the fug of Mad Friday hangovers and the pea-souper of doom hanging over the Keepmoat, Rovers delivered an awakening away performance to bring much-needed festive cheer.

The side stuck stoically to a perfectly executed game-plan, defended solidly and, when the chance to score presented itself, gleefully took it.

But it would be dismissive to call this smash-and-grab. Beyond Theo Robinson’s perfectly despatched penalty further chances were created; Luke McCullough brought the best out of ‘keeper Wes Foderingham; Andy Butler dove to head millimetres wide and Harry Forester kissed the post from a tight angle.

Possession, though plentiful, was so ponderous that at one point in the first half Paul Keegan turned so slowly his movement was cancelled out by the rotation of the earth. Not even Jamie Coppinger could revive the game’s heartbeat, and Gillingham capitalised.

Luke Norris slid in to capitalise on Keegan’s backing-off for his first goal, and then picked up a poor cross-field pass to let fly with a quite brilliant second. Positives? Rovers at least found the net, via Curtis Main, and finally converted a penalty in the process.

But by that point I was outside the stadium, as were hundreds of others, speculating whether Paul Dickov too would be not far behind them.

But it was in defence where Rovers excelled at the County Ground; corralling Swindon in the central third of the field. Until the 79th minute Sam Johnstone had nowt to beyond watch a Jonathan Obika effort get deflected onto his post, but then finally called upon he delivered; getting down to save a penalty low to his left and wrap up the win. Do we have to go back home?

THURSDAY 25 DECEMBER

A day of celebration worldwide in honour of the day that our saviour was delivered to us, from Exeter, by Dave Penney. Happy Coppinger Day!

a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster | Jan-Feb 2015| PS74 | 05

FRIDAY 26 DECEMBER ROVERS 2-0 COVENTRY CITY

spotted!

LEO FORTUNE-WEST

Going up for several plates of food at Cosmo Pan Asian restaurant in Sheffield.

spotter: @JimmyDRFC

RICHIE WELLENS

In a restaurant called Alberts, in Manchester, on New Year’s Day

spotter: @Louis_Bailey_

PAUL KEEGAN

Outside Marks & Spencers in town; cream jumper, black jeans. He looked pretty fly.

spotter: @RussH808

DAVID COTTERILL

WHSmiths in the Frenchgate Centre.

spotter: Steve Errington

With the distinct odour of stale alcohol, veg-induced flatulence and antipathy hanging in the air, almost 7,000 people turned up to watch Rovers take on Coventry. But before they could settle in for another home borefest of underachievement, they were met by a Christmas miracle – a Rovers goal; headed home by Butler.

Things perked up even further when Harry Forrester suddenly awoke from his early season malaise. and with sudden acceleration, he ran and hit an excellent shot across goal that went in off the far post. Confidence boosted, he went on to tear the right back to shreds for the rest of the game.

Coventry’s frustration at not getting the gifts they’d expected eventually boiled over and they saw two men dismissed as Rovers, having shown glimpses of what might be passed the game out.

SUNDAY 28 DECEMBER PETERBOROUGH UTD 0-0 ROVERS A third straight clean-sheet and another decent result for Rovers, who look decidedly more solid at the back, since the addition of Butler and Enda Stevens.

This game sadly offered little to write home about; in fact you could have just sent a tweet really and still had a few characters left over; perhaps you could have added a picture of yourself longing for the ground’s old terrace to go with it. Anyway, Forrester struck the bar with a free-kick and young Harry Middleton got over an hour.

That’s your lot.

06 | PS74 | Jan-Feb 2015 | a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster

SATURDAY 3 JANUARY ROVERS 1-1 BRISTOL CITY Despite turning up in a lime and purple kit Bristol City found themselves in the shade for much of this game as Rovers belied expectation to dazzle at home. Quick, confident, constant passing opened up the League One frontrunners like a tin of cheap beans and Rovers’ only problem was around the box, lacking nous and incision, there were few clear goalscoring opportunities and it wasn’t until the 49th minute that they eventually broke through. Luke McCullough hooking the ball home in a crowded penalty area, and celebrating with a two-footed assault on the corner flag.

Sadly, Rovers gonna Rover and a smooth passage to the 4th round never materialised. Instead a rare sleepy moment at the back gave a soft headed equaliser to Matt Smith. Despite late efforts, Rovers disappointingly didn’t dispatch City as they deserved, but whatever the outcome in the replay, the home hoodoo may well have gone, giving us something to look forward to at least.

SATURDAY 10 JANUARY OLDHAM ATHLETIC 2-2 ROVERS Early on in this game there were concerns that Rovers hitherto impressive away form had headed home without any compensation.

Uncharacteristically shaky at the back they gifted Oldham an opening goal as Butler misjudged a hopeful punt and the home side capitalised. They doubled their advantage in the secondhalf as, one-time Coppinger flattener and part-time stunt double for the Silentnight Hippo, George Elokobi bundled the ball just about over the line.

tweet disposition THE INSIGHTFUL THOUGHTS OF ROVERS’ PLAYERS ON TWITTER @ReeceWabara Swindon!

@harry_forrester

How can you forget to wear a bra? #TakeMeOut

@ceddyevina #2015!

@bilwhitehouse96 What a joke pointless watching it now!!

@ReeceWabara

It’s always business never personal

@harry_forrester

Xmas food shopping

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THE BERNARD GLOVER DIARIES CONTINUED FROM PAGES 6 AND 7 ‘Paul Dickov was quoted saying he expected double figures from Theo Robinson this season. Unless he was referring to touches in the opposition half I suggest he readjusts his targets’ quipped our correspondent for this game as Theo failed to impress the way he had at Swindon.

After Joseph Mills had been sent off for a wild lunge at Copps, Rovers were handed some fortune as the referee refused to conform to clichés and didn’t blow up at the slightest contact with the ‘keeper; instead he let Nathan Tyson cling to him like a Koala on a tree branch, before bundling in the inevitable loose ball.

And then cometh the fourth minute of injury-time, cometh the man. 2-1 down, time running out; most people would play the percentages and hump it into the box. But Coppinger isn’t most people, and so he took the easy option and slalomed past four or five players before finding the bottom corner of the net. God love him.

MONDAY 12 JANUARY A significant blow for Rovers as Sam Johnstone is recalled from his loan at Rovers, in order to be loaned out to his home-town team Preston. With Johnstone gone Marko Marosi fills in, in goal in the FA Cup replay at Bristol City but doesn’t yet look quite ready for a long stint in the first team.

Thankfully Rovers are able to sign the experienced Stephen Bywater at the back end of the week after he was released by Millwall.

TUESDAY 13 JANUARY BRISTOL CITY 2-0 ROVERS The moment Matt Smith put down his sonic screwdriver and nodded home the equaliser at the Keepmoat you sensed we’d missed our chance to reach round four. And do it came to pass; the opportunity to host West Ham slipping through our proverbial fingers like something very slippery passing something not overly adhesive. Jay Emmanuel-Thomas struck both goals for the home side to end something approaching an actual cup run for Rovers.

SATURDAY 17 JANUARY ROVERS 1-0 BARNSLEY ‘Imagine if Copps had signed for these in the summer?’ said Matt. ‘I wouldn’t have been here today; I’d have had to sit at home with a black armband on.’

In a first half full of effort, but short on execution Coppinger stood out like a Goth in a snow-storm, unearthing opportunities where all around him found only dead-ends. His coup-degrâce came as a ball dropped like a stone from the Doncastrian sky and in one deft touch Copps controlled it, turned and left Barnsley’s full-back stood in the East Stand concourse wondering how he’d got there. If Curtis Main had Coppinger’s execution Rovers might have been out of sight by half-time. As Lewin Nyatanga forgot how to simultaneously stand still and control a football Main pounced, and, in one-on-one, really should have scored. Instead he put the ball wide, as he did minutes later when stretching for a Coppinger cross.

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Credit to Main, we thought he’d found every conceivable way of missing, but he proved us wrong after the break; creating enough space to shank a ball off his other shin towards Nottinghamshire. Ross Turnbull saved well from Coppinger at close range and, with the game edging away still goalless, we sensed it would take something special to beat him. It did.

Forrester had done little of note since coming on as sub, but as full-time approached he robbed his man, cut onto his right foot and sent a glorious winning goal arcing into the far top corner.

Striker Uche Ikpeazu joins on loan from Watford; his surname to the tune of ‘Pie Jesu’ instantly becoming one of the great inevitably unsung football songs of our time. Passing Ikpeazu as he heads in the other direction is Marc De Val. The midfielder looked classy, but was sadly seen all to rarely, and is expected to return to Spain following his release. De Val’s replacement Abdul Razak has already fitted perfectly into the Spaniard’s role, in that no-one has seen anything of the Ivorian since he reportedly signed over a week ago.

TUESDAY 20 JANUARY ROVERS 0-0 NOTTS COUNTY

SATURDAY 31 JANUARY CHESTERFIELD 2-2 ROVERS

Rovers 0-0 Notts County Aside from a long-range effort off the bar for the visitors; what chances this game spewed forth generally went Rovers way. But, as has been the case for much of this season, they failed to take them. Coppinger headed wide; Robinson fluffed his lines, and Main was a touch unlucky to be denied by a brilliant double save.

There was a criticism of Sean O’Driscoll which I used to hear regularly from some supporters, in that he could never get his teams up for a derby. Leaving aside the merits of that statement, it seems increasingly that the opposite is true of Dickov’s Rovers. As they always seem to do against local opposition, Dickov’s men flew out of the blocks and found themselves two goals up inside ten minutes. Coppinger, on the day he became Rovers’ second highest appearance maker, broke the deadlock; controlling perfectly and finishing well after being set free by McCullough. And Butler doubled the advantage with his head just a few minutes later.

The main talking point of the second half was the somewhat farcical sending off for Notts County’s Kwame Thomas. Booked to make a point as he took his sweet time in being substituted; the referee then remembered he’d actually booked Thomas already and so had to dismiss him; the substitute had to return to the bench and County had one less player to wind the clock down with.

Forrester nearly stole the game in style late on; a beautiful lob forcing a finger-tip save from the keeper. In that moment the win was gone; 0-0, and arguably two points dropped.

WEDNESDAY 28 JANUARY

Inevitably, Chesterfield hit back and after Eoin Doyle pulled a goal back before half-time Rovers were always hanging on somewhat. And after chances to go 3-1 up were spurned by both Main and new signing Ikpeazu you just sensed the equaliser would come. It did, three minutes from time through Jimmy Ryan, but still a result most would’ve taken ahead of kick-off.

GW

a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster | Jan-Feb 2015| PS74 | 09

IN OFF THE POSTBAG WE’VE HAD AN ACTUAL BLOODY LETTER! OK, IT WAS AN EMAIL, WE’VE STILL PRINTED IT HERE THOUGH Dear popular STAND, Just to say how much me and the missus enjoy popular STAND. My missus, who doesn’t even like football, really enjoys the letters page.

I’ve been enjoying the articles on fans’ first visits to Rovers, and it set me thinking ‘when was mine?’ I’d have been about 7 or 8 years old in 1955, so my earliest recollections are Charlie Williams, Harry Gregg and of course the young Alick. Would they all have played at the same time? These were the days of marching bands at half time and pennies thrown into a blanket as opposed to bananas thrown at Charlie Williams, not to mention pennies and cruet sets stolen by Liverpool fans in town and thrown at Harry Gregg (that was my first taste of hooliganism and I’ve hated Liverpool ever since… don’t get me started on Hillsborough). Would that have been a Cup match or were Rovers and Liverpool in Division 2 at the same time, or am I hallucinating?

Lately I’ve visions of Yogi Broadbent and the older Alick, though more like nightmares with Yogi’s penalty taking technique. He was the player most fans loved to hate, including my uncle. He also had the most amazing bow legs; two left ones I think. Yogi that is, not my uncle.

My most memorable match is the 10-0 Rovers v Darlington game. Would Keith Ripley have been playing then and who scored all the goals?

I left for the green, green grass (well sinter brown mainly) of Scunthorpe in 1966 and then emigrated to Wales in 1985. I’m ashamed to say I haven’t set foot in the Keepmoat yet, but watch out for Rovers results every time they play.

I know exactly where I was when Rovers beat Brentford. I’d been afraid to listen to the radio and switched on the car radio when in Scarborough at about five to five, expecting to hear the result. To my surprise it was live commentary just as Trotta was about to take the penalty. I nearly drove straight into the North Sea when Copps scored.

Regards Clive Norbury

Many thanks to you for your letter Clive. We’re certainly glad you didn’t step on the accelerator in excitement the other May. Liverpool spent eight seasons in Division 2 from 1954, so will have certainly faced Rovers in the league in that era. Hopefully our readers will be able to answer your other queries.

We love to hear from our readers, we really do. Not least because you won’t ask us if it’s a bloody programme. So if you’ve anything you’d like to share with us then do please get in touch via email at popularstand@outlook.com 10 | PS74 | Jan-Feb 2015 | a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster

WE ALL LOVE... ...WELL, ROVERS OF COURSE, BUT WHO ELSE? DAVE WAUGH RUNS THROUGH HIS TOP TWENTY In a previous issue, I tried to explain why I disliked some clubs. I produced a spreadsheet of every club rated out of ten and highlighted the ten I liked least. On a more positive note, I’ve now produced my Premier League of favourite clubs. Why is it that when we listen to the football results there are some teams we always look out for? Many of my choices will surprise you, but on the whole my preference is always for local clubs (except Leeds) to do well and southern clubs to do badly.

However, there are three southern clubs and a Welsh team in my top twenty.

several players said, ‘Now he’s scored can we all f--- off home?’)

Barnsley Local club with roots in the community.

Glorious, if unsuccessful, year in the Premier League gave hope to other small clubs, and they continued to play delightful football in every defeat!

Friendly supporters always ready to shake hands or give you a high six!

Doncaster Rovers Home town team. We’ve been through a lot together over the last 53 years; Alick Jeffrey; 10-0 against Darlington; beating QPR in the cup; drawing at Anfield; Colchester at home; Francis Tierney; Michael McIndoe; thrashing Villa; Sean O’Driscoll; beating Leeds; beating Leeds; beating Leeds; Rob Jones; Coppinger; beating Leeds.

Sunderland My granddad’s team before he moved south to mine in Armthorpe.

Passionate, if usually miserable, fans.

Perennial battles against relegation and failures in cups made beating Leeds in 1973 all the sweeter. Admission to the Stadium of Light (Newcastle fans give it a slightly different rhyming name) is lower than at most Championship clubs and some League One clubs. However, having watched them play at home ten times and only seen them win twice, charges may still be too high!

York City Went to University there and they let me negotiate reduced prices for students. Promoted to old second division while I was there and played Manchester United, Aston Villa and Chelsea in league matches. When I was looking for an “industrial secondment” in 1992 and was turned down by several other clubs (including Rovers!) York took me on, opened the club up to me and let me train with the first team (scored a goal past Dean Kiely, at which point

Hull City Used to be my nearest club and during my playing days, if we were away in Hull for a 2 p.m. kick off, we’d nip in and watch the last 20 minutes free.

Only survived in the league in 1998 because Rovers were so dire, but now in the Premier League with a brilliant stadium. Pity about the owner wanting to change the name – perhaps Leeds’ loopy owner will change their name to something more appropriate. We could start a competition for suggestions!

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Rotherham United Back in the 60s when Rovers played on Friday nights, Saturdays were often spent at Millmoor, a proper ground with terrific atmosphere. Yes, I know we’re supposed to hate them, but I’m delighted they’ve had successive promotions, even if Steve Evans is hard to love.

Accrington Stanley ‘Who are they?’ ‘Exactly’ My footballhating wife sometimes asks, when she knows Rovers don’t have a game, if there’s a ground I’d like to go to and we have a weekend away. I go to the match and she goes shopping or to a gallery or museum, if there is one (in Blackburn, which is a cultural desert, she spent the afternoon in Wetherspoons!). Accrington was one of the best trips: she found out about Tiffany glass-making or something similar (I don’t ask her about museums in return for her not asking about short-sighted, biased referees).

The Peel Park pub overlooked Stanley’s old ground which is now a park pitch, but the actual ground is tiny, scruffy and wonderful, with 1,400 people generating more atmosphere than 14,000 at the Ricoh Stadium.

Rochdale I’ve always felt a bit sorry for Rochdale because they have been almost perennial strugglers, but they did get to the League Cup Final in 1960 (lost) and they now play excellent football in a ground which is just about the best for away fans, who get an unimpeded view from the side of the pitch.

Scunthorpe United Yes, I know, but they’re a small town club and have over-achieved for years.

Besides Scunny is such an awful town, with scarcely a redeeming feature, that it’s nice for the locals to have something to cheer about. Funnily enough, my wife has never suggested a weekend in Scunthorpe!

Chesterfield Another local rival, and a club of similar size to Rovers, but their fans are vociferous and they always take a good away following. And I still say they were robbed when they reached the FA Cup semi-final.

Hartlepool United I train with Hartlepool United. Well, their players train outside at Durham University sports ground while I’m in the gym, but let’s not split hairs. Apart from liking their small, atmospheric, if rather breezy, ground and the passionate if incomprehensible fans – howayangandoonthewingman – their players are always polite and hold doors open for old gits like me. Unfortunately, for the last two seasons they’ve been holding the door to their goal open too and will almost certainly be in the Conference next year.

Morecambe Now that was a good weekend away, especially as we stayed in nearby Lancaster which is a lot nicer than Morecambe! Best pies in England – not my opinion as I’m a vegetarian and don’t eat them, but they won a prize a couple of years ago. Small crowds in a small stadium generate a good atmosphere.

Newcastle United Yes, and Sunderland! No ground or club dominates a city like St James’s Park. The city buzzes on a match day and when the team is doing well (and I had to go to several games to experience this) the crowd is tremendous. I watched them in the Europa League a few times and the atmosphere, especially against Benfica, sent shivers down my spine.

The fans’ passion and loyalty is not, however, matched by the club’s owners who seem committed to alienating them.

12 | PS74 | Jan-Feb 2015 | a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster

Leyton Orient My top southern club. My brother-inlaw has a season ticket and I saw them lose at Wembley to Rotherham last year.

Great fans who really do shout things like ‘Leave it art ref, you’re ‘avin’ a larf intya?’

Everton I’ve worked in Liverpool a lot and it usually takes about 10 seconds for a scouser to tell you which club s/he supports. Nine times out of ten this seems to be Everton and they always tell you they are “The People’s Club”.

Mostly I like Everton because they are not Liverpool, but the ground is a proper one and the Gladys End is one of the noisiest in football. All that and Martinez makes them play good football.

Sheffield United Look, my step father supports them OK, and he’s deaf and blind (which may explain his allegiance) and 82, so I have to show some affection for them, don’t I?

Swansea City They shouldn’t be doing as well as they are with crowds of 19,000, but they just keep playing good football and don’t change whoever is the manager. I also like their fans’ self-deprecating humour Yeovil Town Our distant rivals for so many years, but they over-achieve and James Hayter plays for them, so I always look out for their results.

Bournemouth A proper ground and a proper football team, which plays great football. Could they be yet another underdog beginning with B to make it to the Premier League (Burnley, Barnsley, Bradford, Blackpool etc)?

Burnley Burnley give every medium-sized club hope. If you play good football, appoint a good manager, and don’t spend yourself bankrupt, you can succeed.

DW

THIS ISSUE STEVE IS...

...trying to look more intelligent; but only managing to look like a fat Jim Davidson.

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GO AWAY IT MAY BE A NEW YEAR, BUT WE’RE STILL STUCK HERE IN THE WILDERNESS OF LEAGUE ONE. WHO ARE THESE TEAMS, WHAT ARE THESE STRANGE PLACES WE MUST GO? TO TRY TO ANSWER THIS WE CONTINUE OUR GUIDE TO UPCOMING AWAY GAMES. Saturday 21 February

PORT VALE

‘You’re not even on a map’, as we once smugly sang at the Vale fans as they visited the geographical certainty of Doncaster. That’s not strictly true of course - unless you’re looking at, say an A-Z of Belgium - as Vale hail from Burslem, one of the six towns that make up Stoke-on-Trent. This area is known as The Potteries, taking its moniker from the local industry. In their heyday, the towns were famous for producing the finest traditional china products, and so people would come here from all over the world to purchase chopsticks, fireworks and rickshaws.

WHAT’S IT FAMOUS FOR?

Pottery, but we’ve covered that gag already so we should probably make the inevitable mention of Robbie Williams. The former member of the boyband Take That, and current carer for Jonathan Wilkes, is both the club’s most famous fan and also majority shareholder. Not very working-class industrial football town is it, being in a boyband? I bet they’re all a bit embarrassed at having a world-famous boyband singer as their most famous… oh wait. John Madejski is also from Stoke, and Vale fans I’m sure hold absolutely no jealousy toward the amount of investment he subsequently plied into Reading

HOW TO BLEND IN

Live your life thru a lens, swing when you’re winning and hope you’re old before you die. Have no regrets this millennium, because she’s the one and you win some lose some. Oh and try not to talk in a Robbie Williams discography stream of consciousness, because that’s just a bit weird.

WHAT’S THE STADIUM LIKE?

Vale Park is not only a proper old school ground, it is bloody massive.

It’s got a capacity of over 18,000 seats, and perhaps realising this was somewhat overambitious in view of their attendances they gave up on the Lorne Street Stand midway through construction. That was in 1999 and it’s still not finished. We won’t mock it as we’ve all had DIY projects like that at some stage. We’re sure they’ll get round to finishing it once the kids grow up and head for college.

Away fans are housed in the Signal One Stand which affords you a decent view of the rest of the empty seats dotted around the rest of the ground; all of which are that faded yellow colour normally reserved for upturned pedalos at an out of season seaside resort.

14 | PS74 | Jan-Feb 2015 | a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster

Tuesday 3 March

PRESTON NORTH END Preston appears in the Domesday Book as Prestune, primarily because they didn’t have tip-ex back then. A traditional mill town, textiles have been produced in Preston since the 13th century, but it was Flemish weavers who settled in the city that really helped develop the trade; their phlegm presumably bound the material together better. Every twenty years, the Preston hosts its Guild civic celebration; at the 1972 event spectators were apparently treated to a ‘low level, low-speed’ flypast by Concorde – in other words, someone parked a Concorde in the town.

In the 1850s Karl Marx visited Preston and declared it ‘the next St Petersburg’, by which he presumably meant the locals were revolting.

WHAT’S IT FAMOUS FOR?

Being bypassed. One of Preston’s most significant claims to fame is as the location of the UK’s first motorway bypass, the M6. A fact which hints towards a somewhat parochial local population, delighting in avoidance of encounters with strangers.

That’s not to say that Preston wasn’t forward thinking, it was the first city outside London to get gas streetlighting. The lamps were lit for the firsttime at 1815, and presumably put out for the first time at around 0600.

Oh and football of course; as well as North End, the first-ever league champions in the men’s game, Preston was also home to the pioneering women’s football team. Dick Kerr’s Ladies who would regularly play in front of five figure crowds, before being banned by the FA, for committing the heinous crime of playing sport whilst simultaneously having a uterus.

HOW TO BLEND IN

Given that both Mary Ann Hobbs and Mark Lawrenson come from Preston; talk in a soft, odd lazy accent which has a hint of patronisation and subsequently sounds like you’re attempting to teach young children particle physics whilst doing a poor impression of Mavis off Coronation Street.

WHAT’S THE STADIUM LIKE?

Deepdale, has been the home of Preston football since 1881, but has altered its appearance greatly over that time; not least because the Victorians hadn’t really embraced plastic seating and executive boxes as much as we have in the 21st century. Away fans are housed in the Bill Shankly Kop and if you’re lucky you might get to sit on his face; no, not like that; it’s picked out in the seats.

According to the Football Ground Guide, John a visiting Chelsea fan says of Deepdale: ‘We went to Preston and had a great day. The Yates pub located about a 15 minute walk from the station towards the ground was fine.’

So if the mild approval of a southern Premier League football fan who enjoys drinking in a Yates’ is your barometer of a good day out, you’re in for a treat at this game… but an underwhelming life generally, so you know. Swings and roundabouts.

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Saturday 7 March

GILLINGHAM

If Kent truly is the Garden of England, then the its Northern tip along the estuaries of the Thames and Medway can be considered the bit between the shed and the compost heap. An undesirable patch made peppered with the town equivalents of rusting barbecues and long-lost frisbees. Gillingham sits squarely in that category; having gone from village, to important sea-faring town, to industry-stripped hulk all inside a century.

At the time of the Norman Conquest, Gillingham was a small hamlet, but from this tiny cigar a whole town eventually grew. An amalgamation of several smaller settlements Gillingham was actually invaded by the Dutch in 1667, but they didn’t hang about, and that they would rather retreat to a nation below sealevel and at risk of being submerged forever says much about Gillingham’s attraction. As too does just how far away their most famous son, Will Adams, was prepared to travel to get away from the bloody place; making his name in Japan.

In 2010 Gillingham staged the World Cup for the Modern Pentathlon, in which competitors compete in five challenging modern-day disciplines; swimming, shooting, running, texting and ordering the right coffee.

WHAT’S IT FAMOUS FOR?

Aside from the well-travelled Dams Gillingham is also the home town of television presenter David Frost, and infamously lard-arsed talentshow almost-ran Rick Waller.

Celebrity chef Gary Rhodes also grew up in Gillingham, so no doubt the glamourous sounding local cuisine of poisson et frites is exquisite.

HOW TO BLEND IN

Leave at the earliest opportunity for pastures new, and only return for obscure sporting occasions.

WHAT’S THE STADIUM LIKE?

Priestfield has been Gillingham’s home since the Victorian era, but has moved on a lot since then. It’s in colour for one. Despite being extensively redeveloped in the 1990s and 2000s it remains something of an old-style football ground with four distinct stands.

The Brian Moore Stand is where you’ll find the away end; Moore was a lifelong fan of the club and the former TV commentator would no doubt have been delighted to see that his legacy would be honoured in the form of supporters getting piss-wet through as they sit on a temporary metal structure lifted straight off the 16th hole at St Andrews. Stretching out the meaning of the word temporary to unprecedented levels, this make-do structure has been straddling the old terrace for twelve years now.

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GW

REMEMBERING THE FIRST TIME A TWIST ON OUR USUAL FORMAT AS NEWCASTLE FAN IAN CUSACK RECOUNTS HIS FIRST VISIT TO THE KEEPMOAT The first time I was in Doncaster was Tuesday 18 August 1992, when I made my only visit to Belle Vue to see Rovers lose 3-0 to Lincoln City in a League Cup first round, first leg tie.

I believe my team Newcastle played a pre-season friendly at Doncaster in either 92 or 93, but both times I was on holiday, so my only experience of a Rovers game was that one. In all honesty, I remember nothing about it, other than the ease of Lincoln’s win.

Frankly, to have such a dismissive attitude towards fellow fans strikes me as unnecessarily confrontational absolutism; these people simply want to watch their local team. That said, the witless droning of approximately 200 Buckinghamshironians through a predictable litany of “you’re not very good “and “shall we sing a song for you?” in flattened quasi estuary English tones was exceptionally grating.

Fast forward to 24 October 2014, I headed from Newcastle to Leeds, where my son is student, to take him to see the reformed, belligerently magnificent Pop Group at Brudenell Social Club, 35 years since I last saw them. Next morning, being of the opinion that any Saturday afternoon without football is a Saturday wasted, I decided to watch Doncaster Rovers at home to MK Dons. Leeds city centre was absolutely teeming with expectant fans. I felt pity for them as I eased aboard the almost deserted 13.05 to Kings Cross. It would be fair to say I was one of the very few who got off that train at Doncaster to head for the game.

We’ll not bother talking about the game shall we? That they found as much as 12 seconds of highlights on the Football League Show astonished me. However, in all seriousness, you’ve got a lovely ground; if I could design a new football ground, I think the Keepmoat would be the blueprint I’d base it on. Great access in and out of the ground, good signposting, plenty of facilities (decent coffee I must say) and helpful stewards who guided me to the correct car park for the bus back to town.

I took a bus up to the ground, which had a few MK Dons fans on it.

Bearing in mind these blokes were, at the outside, mid 20s, the chances are the only team they’ve watched regularly in their life are the side still known as Franchise FC in some quarters.

I’m disappointed not to have seen James Coppinger as I actually remembered his only appearance for Newcastle United (won 2-0 home to Spurs in August 2000); mind I’m also disappointed I didn’t see any goals. In conclusion, I had a great day and wish you and your club well for the future.

Ian is editor of Popular Side Zine; Newcastle United’s new (familiarly named) fanzine.

IC

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TO LINDUM AND BACK COULD ROVERS’ SEASON BE TURNING A CORNER? CHRIS KIDD RECKONS IT MAY WELL BE It’s safe to say that before Christmas I was thoroughly turned off by all things Rovers. Prolongation of the poor home form that has blighted the club since the 2012-13 season looked set to continue well into 2015. But after some signs of encouragement over the festive period, perhaps Rovers are about to find a way to wrestle that monkey off their back. It looked to me and most others I’ve spoken to that the most simple solution remaining was to play exactly the same system and tactics at home as they have been doing away from home. Let’s face it, how many teams do you see playing 4-4-2 anymore? Generally it’s a derivative of 4-3-3 or 4-5-1. I guess it’s a fluid system which allows players to get forward on the break and equally rigid for defensive circumstances.

Of course it is the 4-1-4-1 which Dickov seems to prefer. One of the big issues for me this season has been the central midfield. Paul Keegan has his merits, but in a central two can you afford to have a fairly limited player like Keegan in the side? Now when you’re playing three central midfielders you can definitely afford a player like Keegan, in fact, like the last few games have shown, he becomes pivotal to how the team operates. Keegan is the defensive midfielder who sits in front of the back four, protecting them and breaking play up and then finding an easy pass to someone like Richie Wellens who can then orchestrate play.

Wellens is ‘freed’ up when Keegan and Dean Furman play and can dictate a game like all Rovers supporters know he can. Meanwhile Furman can get forward and support the lone striker. The only problem is that when you’re captain of an African country you miss a whole month of the fixture list half way through the season every two years.

Dean Furman; will be missed in January whilst away at the African Cup of Nations

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Also pivotal to the recent improvement in form is having a settled back five. Sam Johnstone is probably the best goalkeeper outside the top two divisions and although he didn’t quite hit the same standards as last season I still can’t believe we managed to get him in again, before bringing in the experienced Stephen Bywater.

Unusually for them, Rovers acted swiftly in the January transfer window to secure the services of the back four until at least the end of the season.

Continuity is key as we learnt from ‘The Experiment’. We even have cover in one form or another via the likes of Jamie McCombe, Liam Wakefield and Cedric Evina. Do we add the Corporal to that list? Probably not I fear.

I don’t want to get carried away by a couple of decent results but this league is characterised by the fact that were Rovers to win the game in hand they have on most teams they would find themselves on the verge of the playoffs. Bristol City, MK Dons, Swindon and Preston will fight the top four out by the looks of it but the bottom two playoff places look open to two of a number of teams which on current league standings could extend to everyone all the way down to Rovers - occupying 15th place as I write.

That certainly shows a tight league, more tellingly I think it shows a poor standard of league as well. League One has seen some real quality over the last ten years with the likes of Sheffield Wednesday, Nottingham Forest, Leeds and Leicester all languishing in the third tier of the English football pyramid for a bit of time. This season is probably the first time in a decade that a seriously big club isn’t spoiling the party for the more normal League One teams, and in a way, don’t you just love it that way? Oh I’m forgetting the Blades you say? Nah not really.

Rovers could push on from here. Goals will be the only issue I think. Despite playing very well against Coventry and showing league leaders Bristol City up, Rovers deserved more fruits for their labour and it was evident that in the final third they seemed a little bit light.

Chris Brown would round this team off just nicely at the moment but that’s probably a dream in a faraway land sadly.

Given the glad tidings there are certainly grounds for optimism going into 2015 and I think Dickov is a genuine bloke who really does want a long term project and wants to do well. Luckily for him he will get that at Rovers and so far it seems the majority of fans are willing to stick with him.

Nobody expected promotion or play-off talk at the start of the season but it’s something that is within the grasp of the team on current showing.

CJK

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THE GARY BRABIN MEMORIAL LOUNGE CAN YOU REALLY SWAP FOOTBALL FOR ANOTHER SPORT? KERRANG!’S JAMES MCMAHON CONSIDERS IT A few months or so back I made a startling discovery about my current workplace. This sort of thing has happened before, when I learnt that the magazine for whom I used to work was not only based in an office block built upon a plague pit (which explains a lot, looking back) but that the exterior of said Waterloo monolith also provided the inspiration for the spaceship of Tharg the Mighty, the extraterrestrial editor of the British sci-fi comic 2000AD.

‘That’s amazing!’ I squealed upon learning said fact - in truth, to an audience of universally disinterested listeners. There was another time in that same job that I saw ubiquitous TV host Graham Norton stumbling down the road, being pulled along by more dogs on more leashes than I’ve ever seen one person hold. I didn’t tell anyone about that. Sod them, they had their chance and they blew it.

But I digress. A few months or so back, I really did learn something brilliant about the place in which I now work.

It happened one day late last year when I was stood in the lift, only to find myself the smallest person in the tight metal box by some shortfall.

Sure, at 5ft 11 I’m hardly Jack Reacher. But even so, this doesn’t happen very often.

Call it foolhardiness, or perhaps I’ve just watched a bit too much Broadchurch recently, but I decided to investigate, forsaking my magazines floor for The Land Of The Giants. I was Gulliver! This was my travels!

And then I found myself stood in reception of the NBA’s UK offices. And I felt more excited and fannish about sport than I have done in ages.

In truth I’ve had a crush on basketball for a while now, having seen the Boston Celtics take on the Toronto Raptors during a trip to New England a few years back. If you haven’t ever seen an NBA game, like a vet’ returning from Vietnam, it’s hard to explain the things that I have seen.

I’ll give it a go. So there was a moment, after the game had been going on for maybe ten minutes tops, where the court was cleared and some men brought out a trampoline.

Out of nowhere appeared a man dressed as a Leprechaun, who proceeded to run the length of the court, before leaping on said trampoline, sailing through the air, concluding his trajectory sat legs akimbo on the basketball hoop.

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I have to say, the first thing I thought was… ‘Well, you don’t get that at the Keepmoat…’

What’s the relevance of this? Um. So I’ve been thinking that I might not actually like football all that much anymore…

Partly this has to be my own doing. I go to a lot of football – I watch my local team, Leyton Orient when I can’t get to see the Rovers. I think nothing of planning the daftest and most laborious of non-league groundhops in the rare spare moments my life provides. And, due to a book I decided to write, based loosely around visits to all 92 of the English League clubs, I’ve spent most of the last few years on a train to Carlisle, then down to Plymouth, then up to Middleborough, then down to Portsmouth, and so on and so on.

I have seen a lot of football. Probably too much, something I didn’t think was possible at the start of it all.

But also, and I don’t think this is especially unique to anyone who’s football fandom was forged in the heat of Richardson, Weaver, Prince Moncrieffe, the fire and all that, but for most of my football supporting life, I’ve attached a significance on the game which is more cultural than sporting. It’s part of the appeal of the game to me. I’ve never really thought of myself as liking sports, but being a football fan.

Sure, I also just think the blank canvas created by twenty-two bodies and a round ball provides infinitely more exciting options than other sports. But a truly global game tells stories about people, communities, politics, life and tradition that, say, rugby cannot. Basically, sport isn’t important. Football is.

But am I just talking bollocks or what?

Increasingly I think I might be. See, if there’s one thing looking for illegal torrents of NBA matches has taught me, it’s that sport can just be fun too. And you know what? I’m really struggling to find the fun in football right now.

I can’t find it on twitter. All I find is idiocy and bile, from the left and the right of the argument, about Ched Evans. I can’t find it on TV. All I can see is hype and bombast. And increasingly - amongst the slew of bigotry, with a throb in my pocket where my spending money once was, shadowy figures I can’t bring myself to care about jig around before me on the pitch - I can’t find it in the grounds.

I’m 34 now. No matter how good Harry Forrester is, I will never feel about him like I did about Warren Hackett, just like I’ll never feel about the Arctic Monkeys how I did about Nirvana. It’s increasingly harder to care now my knees hurt just getting out of bed. Yes, I know football is more than a sport.

I was at Brentford. But increasingly I just think maybe my life just needs a few more Leprechauns spinning through the air.

Oh, who am I kidding?

See you at Port Vale.

JM

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JACK’S CRAIC WHAT WOULD MAKE THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON ROVERS’ FORTUNES? JACK PEAT RECKONS IT COULD BE US I had me a Newton the other day.

You see, with all this losing at home I’d been scratching my head for some sort of answer, a clue as to why we’ve won 11 on the road but won just two out of 12 at home. Of course, there’s not just one reason why but rather harmonies of various contributing factors, like the particles that vibrate on strings in physics, the chemicals that form substances in chemistry or the leaky goal by the South Stand that has been compounded by our lack of goals under the North Stand. But great minds, as Hawkins alludes to, are the ones that make simple explanations of phenomena or connections between different observations. Which leads me to my Newton moment.

I was sat in my mates’ garden under an apple tree when I got cracked on the head by a perpendicularly descending bit of fruit. Gravity’s a bitch, I thought, shaking my head, but what had really caught my attention is the dog sat next to me, who had been unmoved by the bullseye hit and my fit of profanity that followed it. Daisy has been moping ever since the family received a bit of bad news and the atmosphere in the house had been sullen, she used to be a bright dog full of cheer but the atmosphere had rubbed off and she walked round with a face like a slapped arse (probably not a dog simile), which got me thinking.

The week before I’d been talking to my old man about a life-long Rovers fan who had chosen not to renew his season ticket after 25 years’ service.

Big decision to make for a man who’s Rovers through and through; DRFC tattoo on his chest, cut him open and he’ll bleed red and all that lark. His reason for abstaining wasn’t because his missus had told him ‘it’s them or me’, nor was it because of our poor run of form at home, but rather because he couldn’t do with all the fans moping.

The Keepmoat has become a forum for moaning of late. We have jubilant travelling support matched by home support that’s akin to a funeral, and like my mates’ dog it’s starting to rub off on the team who are playing negative football and dropping their heads the moment we concede.

The 12th man is arguably the most important man when your team goes behind, but if he goes missing, the rest of the team (unsurprisingly) will suffer. Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll once said, “The 12th Man has an unparalleled impact on game days”. I don’t know whether he said that was before or after the football fans grew so loud the Pacific Northwest Seismic Network registered a minor earthquake, or whether it was after one of two occasions when Seahawks’ fans set the Guinness World Record for the loudest crowd noise at a sporting event, but with eight division titles, two conference championships and a

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demolition job of Denver Broncos at Super Bowl XLVIII, you could say his sentiment is justified.

Of course, the Keepmoat isn’t likely to rival the magnitude of CenturyLink Field any time soon, we don’t lie near any tectonic plates for starters, but if we were perhaps more attune to the impact the sentiment in the stands has on the team on the field we could start to reverse this lousy home form.

So here’s some anti-moping strategies.

Rovers are enjoying the most successful period in their history. In the last ten years we’ve climbed as far up the football ladder as we’ve ever been, won trophies at the Millennium Stadium and won play-off finals at Stoke and Wembley, the latter being perhaps one of the greatest games (in stature) in the club’s history.

We’re financially stable, housed in a modern stadium that we own and we have an outstanding youth set-up.

What’s more, despite our poor home form and despite the fact we’ve been in the bottom half of the table most of the season, the playoffs are still well within grasping distance and we’ve had cupruns in both the FA and League cups.

It’s really not all that bad.

Of course, as Hawkins alluded to, identifying causality means joining all the pieces together and it would be remiss of me to blame our dreadful home form on moping alone, but it’s the one of the many things that really makes a difference. Negativity (n) is contagious (c), it’s a losing (l) mentality and it’s a vicious cycle (v2), and if n+c = lv2, then it’s no wonder we’re on a dreadful run of form at home.

JP

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STAKE AND CHIPS SHOULD YOU GAMBLE ON YOUR OWN TEAM’S FORTUNES? HOWARD BONNETT INVESTIGATES Whilst eating your half-time pie or chips at the Keepmoat have you even seen someone clutching a bit of paper and checking the football scores on the concourse televisions? Have you noticed the expectant look, or scowl of disappointment on their face as that day’s bet is helped or hindered by a rogue away win?

Then you – and they – are not alone.

Gambling on sport is big business.

Estimates suggest that, worldwide, between $700 billion to $1 trillion is spent gambling legally and illegally each year. And about 70% of the money staked is on football.

Gambling on sports has been legal in the UK for some time, but it has enjoyed an explosion in the last ten years with figures suggesting online gambling on sport alone accounts for about £650 million per year, and this figure is steadily growing. To this add gambling at racecourses and at bookmakers throughout the country and you are looking at an industry worth between £1billion and £2billion per year.

Older Rovers fans will remember that gambling on football used to involve simply picking ten draws on the Pools; a system set up in 1923 and still running to this day. Even now 500,000 people a week try their luck to emulate previous winners. The most famous Pools winner was Viv

Nicholson who vowed to ‘spend, spend, spend’ her winnings, something she duly did – a lassez-faire attitude to finance which has inspired countless football managers to this day.

The presence of gambling companies in football is widespread. The Championship and Leagues One and Two are sponsored by Skybet (how many of you notice that when you are watching the results come in?). Stoke, Aston Villa, Burnley and Hull are among a whost of sides whose shirts are emblazoned with betting firms.

These companies trawl Universities for the brightest and best to help them tempt punters with clever algorithms and tempting odds. The reality is that football and gambling firms are joined at the hip. A relationship which shows no sign of slowing down.

Doncaster, being a horse-racing town, has its fair share of gamblers. There is no data to suggest we have a higher than average number of gamblers, but none the less betting is a successful business in the town. I wondered however whether the gamblers in our midst ever bet on their own doorstep and put money on the Rovers?

I did a straw poll of three different Rovers fans at recent games and also asked an Everton fan in my office who bets at the bookies every day, and a Chelsea supporting mate who has two online accounts with gambling firms.

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The answers I got were all along the same lines, as they either never, or very rarely, bet on their own team. Subsequently I asked in two bookmakers shops in Doncaster whether they had many bets on the Rovers at the beginning , middle or end of the season. Their response was that a few hardy souls put money on in the summer but that by December very few had added to the number and virtually none usually betted after Christmas.

I wondered if I could think up some clever scientific conclusion from this research but soon realised that it probably just meant that Rovers fans simply lose confidence as the season progresses. No surprise there then.

Given Rovers consistently poor home form and better record away from the Keepmoat I suspect we may be a slightly better bet than many other teams across the divisions. However in the last eleven years or so how many Rovers fans would have bet on four promotions, a relegation, a Johnstone’s Paint Trophy win and beating Leeds

in a play off final? Not many I suspect.

But isn’t that part of the charm of being a Rovers fan?

As I write this article the odds checker tell me that Rovers are between 246-1 to 100-1 to win the league, between 8-1 and 6-1 to finish in the top six, between 33-1 and 16-1 to get promoted, and coming in between 12-1 and 8-1 to get relegated. Given our history I suspect it would take a brave soul to shell out any significant money on any of those bets.

The optimists and pessimists amongst you will know where your money would be better spent.

So spare a thought for that poor soul waiting anxiously for a result to come in as you fill your face. He’s certainly not alone. You might want to tempt him with this final bet; you can get 100-1 for Theo Robinson to be League One top scorer.

Food for thought – or should you save the money – and have another pie?

HB

Bernard Glover's

BELIEVE IT or NOT One-time Rovers’ centre-half Wayne Thomas once received a Blue Peter badge for his ability to solve the Rubik’s Cube, wowing presenter Janet Ellis as a five-year-old puzzle solving protege in 1985.

Thomas isn’t the only ex-Rover with puzzle prowess Syd Bycroft invented the Wordsearch.

Answers to Dutch Uncle’s teaser, set on page 37: 1. Freight Rover (1984-87), 2. Sherpa Vans (1987-89), 3. Leyland DAF (1989-91), 4. Autoglass (1991-94), 5. Auto Windscreens (1994-2000), 6. LDV Vans (2000-2006), 7 . Johnstone’s Paint (2006 onwards)

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FOLLOWS THE ROVERS BOY OF THE ROVERS; MIKE FOLLOWS ON THE JOY OF TAKING HIS YOUNG SON TO HIS FIRST ROVERS MATCH Half way through the season there’s a lot of speculation and conjecture. Will it go down as a good one? I suppose it depends on your expectations and how you measure success. Is it about consolidation after a turbulent preseason? Do we need to bounce back to the Championship at the first time of asking? Is the emergence of talent from our youth system the highlight?

For me, regardless of what happens on the pitch, it’ll be a memorable season.

Regular readers may have noticed I wasn’t in my usual pitch to sell the first fanzine of the season. I was far too busy that day living the dream of many a man my age. Amongst the 6,313 at the Keepmoat was a four year old boy called Max, attending his first proper Rovers match with a very proud dad.

We’d been to friendly matches in the previous two pre-seasons but this was the first time Max had used his season ticket. He is a typical four-year-old. He loves noise and excitement so I wasn’t sure if he’d enjoy it at the Keepmoat.

The football was dire and we lost 2-0 to Oldham but that didn’t really matter.

Hearing my son shouting ‘Come on Rovers’ filled me with pride. Hearing me shouting ‘Oh fu… for god’s sake, referee’ filled Max with mirth.

His season ticket only cost £30 and although he’s not ready to go to every game just yet it’s great that the club makes under 11s’ tickets so affordable.

It means that I can justify paying the £30 as a retainer to keep the seat next

to me and my dad. Three generations of us can sit or stand together for as long as we choose to renew our tickets.

When the proposed Sequentia takeover was rumbling on, there were plenty of fans advocating a ‘Premiership or bust’ spending spree. In the world of modern football, where cash is king and Sky are the kingmakers, the holy grail of top-flight football draws football fans like moths to a flame. At the time I was a strong advocate of building a club with a secure future. A club that I could afford to take my son to for many years to come. That’s not to say I don’t want success. I’ve loved the last fifteen years as much as any Rovers supporter and hope that the next fifteen will be just as good. It’s not worth chasing the dream at any cost though.

We’re an honest club and over the years I’ve formed casual friendships with many supporters. There’s a feeling of family around the Rovers but not the sanitised, sugar-coated day out at a match sort of family. More of a “we’re in this together, can take the piss out of ourselves but nobody else is allowed to”.

That’s one of the things I love about this club. In the concourse, a lady I’ve never met before approached us and asked if Max would like some of her grandson’s Rovers stuff that he’d grown out of.

She gave us a few shirts and a Rovers hoodie which he loves and insists on wearing whenever we go to a match.

That’s what football is really about. I’d rather have that than any international superstar in the world.

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MF

MEMORABLE MEMORABILIA RESURRECTING OUR SERIES OF FAVOURITE ROVERS MEMORABILIA, ROB JOHNSON IS HAVING A BALL Back in December 2013 the Keepmoat Stadium hosted ‘An Evening with Paul Merson’ on behalf of brilliant local charity Eve Merton’s Dream Trust. Merse was on top form and my table decided the best way to honour the former Arsenal man was to drink enough complimentary wine to make us go temporarily blind. I don’t think we could have continued this tribute by going on to play 90 minutes of football the next morning mind...

Following Merson’s interesting and charismatic performance there was a charity auction featuring some items from his career, but mostly made up of Rovers memorabilia.

By this point things had taken a bit of a turn for the worst at our table.

Drinks were being knocked over, there was a loud argument about Bobby Moore rumbling on and ‘tuts’ could be heard coming from tables around us. It was neither big nor clever.

Then something beautiful happened.

My Bradford City supporting friend Andrew ‘Pest’ Hewitt managed to lift his head out of his arms long enough to bid on a signed Rovers football from our glorious League 1 campaign of 200708. Despite being unable to actually speak he managed to demurely wave his hand in the air enough times to win the auction and secure a little piece of Rovers history for me.

It was an uncharacteristically touching moment from a man who under normal circumstances could only be described as ‘awful’. I repaid the favour by going halves with another friend of ours to buy Pest a signed Peter Beagrie shirt a few weeks later.

The reason the ball is so important is the memories it evokes from not just a glorious season but a brilliant Rovers team. From the Mark McCammon inspired victory at Ellend Road (unthinkable just a few years earlier) to the demolition of Milwall, from James Coppinger’s glorious hat trick against Southend to THAT play-off final it will live long forever in my heart.

There’s a huge disparity between the talent and reputation of some of the signatures on there. Bona fide rovers legends James Coppinger and Brian Stock rubbing shoulders with the much maligned Lewis Guy and Martin Woods. Cult hero (baffling) and distinctly average footballer JJ Price alongside ace finisher Paul Heffernan.

Manchester United academy’s Richie Wellens next to discarded Leeds youth Sam Hird. They all came together under Sean O’ Driscoll’s guidance to forge probably the best Rovers side I have, and every time I see that autographed ball it’s easy to picture O’Driscoll’s pure joy at watching Copps’ free-kick sail in against Southend or James Hayter being mobbed by his fellow players at Wembley.

RJ

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THE LIFE OF BRIAN COULD ROBERT MARSHALL’S CHILDHOOD HERO, BRIAN DEANE, BE A FUTURE ROVERS MANAGER? One of the earliest memories of my school days is standing at an easel painting at the tender age of six. I don’t recall what the picture was, who I was with, or which month of 1987 it was but I do remember, as clear as if it were only last week, the pride I felt standing there in full replica Rovers kit - shirt, shorts and socks pulled all the way up, of course. In truth, it wasn’t me standing there. To everyone else in my class it looked like me, sounded like me and was probably doing a crap painting like me, but I knew the truth, at that moment I was Brian Deane. I had been ever since I pulled the magical red jersey emblazoned with the ‘St George’s Car Centre’ livery over my head.

He fit the bill as the archetypal front man of the day. At 6’3” tall he was thin and gangly though deceptively strong.

Good in the air and even as a kid he held the ball up well; this allied with decent pace and the ability to run in behind defenders, Brian Deane had all the necessary qualities for a front man and, as the clubs top scorer, he instantly became this six-year-old’s favourite player.

Undoubtedly talented, though still quite raw as he entered the first team from the youth ranks he performed well in a Rovers side which struggled in the third tier. Eventually he established himself as the team’s talisman whilst still a teenager, ending 1987-88 as top scorer with a creditable 10 league goals.

Despite this, sections of the Belle Vue crowd seemed unconvinced, (it must be a Rovers thing, the James Husband debate suggest it’s a tradition still being kept alive) but bigger clubs were taking notice.

With financial problems never far away, a move for one of the club’s most saleable assets always looked on the cards and in the summer of 1988, Sheffield United acquired his services for a poultry £40,000. He went on to develop as his early promise suggested he might, scoring the goals which took the Blades to the top league in England. Indeed, he had the honour of scoring the first ever Premier League goal in 1992 when he scored an early strike against Manchester United. His goals consistently caught the eye and he moved to Leeds for £2.9m in 1993.

Eventually he attracted transfer fees of over £8.5m in total during a career which yielded over 200 goals and three full England caps.

In March 2013 Deane began a new facet of his career by taking over as manager of Norwegian side Sarpsborg 08. Newly promoted to the country’s top flight the minnows had to make do with the league’s smallest budget and expectation levels pitched to a commensurate level. Survival was the team’s only aim. Deane exceeded all expectations by avoiding relegation, albeit via a nail biting play-off, in his first season before guiding the club to

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This caught my eye as it seems the very thing Doncaster Rovers have been lacking over recent months, even years.

An identity, on the pitch at least, is something we have been badly lacking of late. What are Doncaster known for now (apart from being crap at home)?

If pressed I don’t think I could tell you what kind of football we play, until recently we were happy to concede two-thirds of the Keepmoat surface and run alongside shadows, seemingly to attempt to hit our visitors on the counter attack. The days of Doncaster playing good, attractive football are seemingly a warm but distant memory.

The fact that residents apparently got into the habit of leaving gifts for Deane at his doorstep paid testament the effect his sides football had on its supporters, the majority of which have not come to terms with the fact their manager has taken the decision to move on, to further enhance his reputation at another club. an unthinkable mid-table finish and unlikely cup semi-final appearance this term.

More remarkable than the results his team gathered was the style by which they acquired them. Deane had impressed upon his side his own ideals and philosophies of football based on a will to win, but win with style.

Intelligent, articulate and thoughtful he brings a style of play based on creativity and an ability to pass and move; to play proper football. ‘Avoiding relegation is vital but I’m proud of the football we’re trying to play. I believe it’s essential for clubs to have a brand, an identifiable philosophy’ he told the Guardian earlier this year.

Despite the constraints he faced in Norway he still boasts a win ratio far in advance of Rovers current supremo Paul Dickov and ahead of a plethora of other also-rans who are currently engaged in a position in charge of a Football League club.

Why shouldn’t Deano get his chance in this country? The introduction of the Rooney rule, or something akin to it, may give a better chance but he surely now deserves one on merit alone. I genuinely hope he gets the shot he deserves. Maybe we’ll get lucky and his philosophy will come to Doncaster.

Maybe again a six-year-old will pull on a Rovers shirt and dream of emulating Brian Deane.

RM

a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster | Jan-Feb 2015| PS74 | 29

JACK THE MINER’S COAL FACE A REAL TREAT FROM JACK THE MINER HERE; UPTON - VAGUE RECOLLECTIONS FROM HISTORY Upton. I hadn’t been to Upton in over twenty years. It was curiosity that took me back there, to Clayton Avenue, where my grandparents had lived.

Unsurprisingly, in those early years, the only fact that stuck in my young head was that this Charlie Williams fella used to clean his teeth with salt.

It’s different now. You need a key - or bolt cutters - to get through the gates of the allotments behind the row of houses. My granddad used to take me for walks through there and buy me grapes from a man with a vine - when we weren’t pinching peas from the fields. The street is full of cars now. No more room for endless games of thirtya-side footie in the street where dinner was half time and the final whistle only blew when it got dark. Garden gates were goals. No namby pamby jumpers for goalposts in Upton.

It was Upton that gave birth to my fascination with football. It was here I’d listen to the footballing stories of my two uncles, both professional footballers; both lifelong friends of Charlie. So it was here I accepted that I had to accept the inevitable and go into the family footballing business, only to be cruelly denied years later by a total absence of ability. In the meantime I learned how Charlie had walked out on Leeds United having felt he was too good to re-sign for them as an amateur and signed for Rovers instead. Surely that fact alone is sufficient reason to erect a statue in his honour?

The pub where I’d dip my crisps in my granddad’s pint of Sam Smiths isn’t there any more. I know, because I went looking for it, but even so, it all came back to me; the excitement of school holiday visits, all those years ago.

Seeing a photo of the man himself was a bit of a surprise. It was the first time I had been aware he was black. It had never been mentioned.

It was here, behind the green door, I’d first heard them talk about Charlie.

They’d update my mum... how my nan had bumped into him in South Elmsall... how he was doing well... how he’d been on Calendar last week. And they’d reminisce. Most of it went over my head.

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When I look back on it I reckon that little village can be proud of itself. It embraced Charlie and it embraced the Bedford family who the young teenage Charlie lived with when his father died, leaving him alone.

Bloke goes into a doctor’s and says ‘Doctor, I keep thinking I’ve lost my voice. Can you help?

Certain stories I’d heard suddenly made sense. Like the one about his first day at school... all the children gathered in the playground, and as he walked into the throng, they encircled him before rushing towards him.

Although he had suffered no colour related bother as a tot, young Charlie assumed he was in for a beating.

Instead, the kids laughed and patted him. Some wanted to touch his skin and hair, having never seen a black face before. In later years, Charlie reckoned some kids thought he was chocolate and wanted a lick. I suspect that part of the story wasn’t true but the tale of his first day welcoming was.

I didn’t get that one either.

Further down the line, Rovers were firmly entrenched as my team for life and I was pretty excited to find that Charlie had been part of the Rovers story. It was also a bit of a thrill to start to see his early appearances on TV as a comedian but no-one was more thrilled than my nan who giggled for an entire weekend at the first Charlie joke told in my presence. As I recall, it went something like...

Two young lads from a rough part of Barnsley go on a Sunday School seaside outing to Cleethorpes.

The two of ‘em are paddling and one looks down at the other’s feet and says, ‘blimey, your feet aren’t half mucky.’

So the lad with the dirty feet says, ‘Well, I didn’t come last year.’

I didn’t get it. And this one...

The Doctor says, ‘Good morning and what seems to be the trouble?’

All this stuff is stashed away in my head. Volumes of it about his times with the Pit Ponies... the Bedfords... his almost accidental discovery by DRFC... his part-time days at Skegness Town with Sir Alick...

‘I’ll write it all down one day’, I said to my auntie recently who remembered it all fondly and told me that the tiny back bedroom in Clayton Avenue had been a footballer’s B&B on a Saturday night after the dance in Minsthorpe.

‘Half of Rovers and Wednesday seemed to come down for breakfast on a Sunday. Charlie and Alick Jeffrey were always up last.’

Now, this was a new story.

‘Alick Jeffrey? In nan and granddad’s back bedroom?’

‘Yes. Regularly. He liked his nights out.’

And to think I might never have found out. You think someone might have mentioned years ago that two Rovers monoliths used to kip in the same room where I’d stay in my childhood visits.

In today’s terms there’d have been millions of pounds worth of talent on the floor of that Pit House bedroom after a few post-match shandies. And not a baby Bentley, vacuous WAG or a knob selfie in sight. They made a better calibre of hero in those days.

JTM

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FROM BENEATH THE STATUE EDITOR GLEN WILSON TAKES A LOOK AT DEADLINE DAY LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU DON’T ENJOY BAD LANGUAGE Last summer, as I sat down to pretend to write an article, a retweet appeared in my twitter timeline. It had a picture in it and in that picture was a grin in a suit, pointing at a massive yellow screen, smugness and glee smeared over his face like birthday cake on a toddler, as he gestured at a number.

That number was actually a monetary figure; £800,550,000. A frankly obscene amount of money; at the time equal to the national debt of Sierra Leone and the Central African Republic combined, and also, quite ludicrously, the amount that Premier League clubs had spent in that transfer window; with three hours still to go.

Ever since the first piece of boot money was tucked inside the first miner’s size 12, football and finance have been closely entwined. It’s easy to hark back to a halcyon day of amateurism and altruism, but at best this will be a sepia-tainted idyll of a smog-shrouded harsh reality. But whilst money has always been in the game, it is safe to say that it has never been as so crassly celebrated, as narcissistically vulgar as it is today.

Transfers can be celebrated for their sporting merit, but it seems they no longer are. That gurning buffoon on Sky prodding at a vast sum is not sport. He is not celebrating footballing talent being given a new outlet, he’s just getting his kicks out of money and spending for spending’s sake.

Deadline Day on Sky Sports is no different to braying city boys bragging over obscene bar bills at what they refer to as ‘top-end bars’, but you or I would recognise as wanker conventions in minimalist décor. It matters no more where the money goes, just so long as it goes - in inflated sums - that can be totted up and gleefully touted in HD as if they serve some kind of self-endorsement for grown men who like to yell straightdown monitors into the nation’s front rooms and sports bars about what is effectively glorified admin.

The big question at Sky after the last deadline day was not about football; instead it was “What kind of a person takes a purple dildo or a blow-up sex doll with them to stand in the back of shot outside a training ground?”

The answer is exactly the sort of person they’d spent decades pitching their coverage at; an unthinking, allconsuming, banter-hunting, dullard.

You reap what you sow and all that.

“Them nut jobs outside training grounds want locking up,” tweeted a friend at the time. To be fair, they’re just trying to earn a living in journalism.

At the arse end of January, as part of Sky Sports’ latest bi-annual attempt to masturbate themselves into a selfloving coma, the channel set up an online petition.

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Hosted on Change.org - a platform which exists for people to bring matters of importance to the attention of the government; things like the need for more affordable housing say, or more protective laws for children online – this petition was titled Make Transfer Deadline Day a UK National Holiday. And the self-absorbed yellowtie-felating wazzocks actually had the cheek to address it to the Department for Culture, Media & Sport.

Sadly, I’m not even making this up.

Here’s some actual text from their actual sodding petition:

Jim White and Natalie Sawyer are calling on YOU to help make the January Transfer Deadline Day an official UK National Holiday.

As ‘Sky Bet Transfer Fund’ ambassadors, Jim and Natalie are already helping Football League fans win £250,000 for their favourite club to spend on players in the Summer. And now they have also teamed up with Sky Bet to help try to give you the gift of time by fighting to make Transfer Deadline Day a public holiday.

Gift of time? Gift of realising just how painfully empty and devoid of purpose your life has become, more like. If you want to spend idle days watching middle-aged men in car-parks just bite the bullet and get into dogging There’s a picture that goes with this by the way. It’s the aforementioned White and Sawyer sitting on a sofa in lurid yellow dressing gowns and onesies – which are presumably supposed to project an image of cosiness, but actually make it look like they’ve hired chicken costumes from the fancy dress shop and are ensuring they’ve gotten their money’s worth before taking them back – cradling mugs and smiling.

Smiling, I would like to think at the sheer lunacy of all this, but probably smiling because they are nothing but gurning simpletons who’ve no sense of purpose or depth of personality, and because smiling is the only thing they can do when their vacuous lives aren’t being prompted by an autocue of repetitive non-news masquerading as something vaguely worthwhile.

Apparently over 15,000 people have signed this by the way. That’s 15,000 people who not only actually think this ‘proper class’, but have also managed to stop retweeting the fucking Sports Bible long enough to correctly type their name into a subject field without adding an emoticon of a crying face or a turd with some eyes.

You know what I hope it’s successful.

I hope Sky Sports are successful and can move on to next year’s petition to trademark the colour yellow and attempt battle out a landmark courtcase over image-rights with the actual sodding sun. I even hope that Jim c***ing White - who doubtless spends the three days before deadline day alone in a room reciting motivational slogans at himself in a mirror stained with cocaine and his own semen - is successful too. And the reason I hope this is so that come next Deadline Day we can watch on as these morons skip out of bed, side-step their work clothes and eschew their commute to plonk down on the sofa, turn on their wall-sized flat-screen TVs and recoil in horror as too late they realise that now that Deadline Day is a public holiday thanks to those ‘legends’ at Sky Sports, there are no actual transfers, because no business can be conducted, because no-one is at work, because it’s the fucking National Holiday they fucking voted for. Happy Christmas, Turkeys!

GW

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WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND IN THIS ISSUE DUTCH UNCLE TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO THE ASSOCIATE MEMBERS’ CUP Following my look at Rovers’ League Cup fortunes in this issue we look at Rovers’ history in the Associate Members’ Cup in its various guises.

Following the introduction in 1960 of the Football League Cup as a second national knock-out competition alongside the FA Cup, several mainly short-lived attempts were made to organise other smaller knock-out competitions.

One example was the Anglo-Italian League Cup, which from 1969 to 1976 was held between the winners of the English League Cup and the Coppa Italia. As mentioned in the last article, in 1967 a place in the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup was granted to the winners of the League Cup. However when QPR won that year’s competition they did so as a Division Three side, and at that time UEFA did not allow third-tier teams to compete in their competitions. When Third Division Swindon Town won the League Cup in 1969, the Anglo-Italian League Cup was organised as a way of compensating Swindon for the ruling which prevented them competing in European competition.

The Anglo-Italian League Cup’s initial success encouraged the launch of The Anglo-Italian Cup from 197073 between several top English and Italian sides. Another competition, the Texaco Cup, was organised from

1971-75 and involved the top English, Scottish and Irish (both Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland) clubs who had not qualified for Europe. After Texaco withdrew sponsorship it was followed by the Anglo-Scottish Cup from 1976-81.

Over the years the higher English teams gradually opted out and the English participants were increasingly taken from the lower divisions. Finally in 1981 the Scottish clubs withdrew because of little public interest in the competition. The competition continued briefly under the name the Football League Group Cup for English clubs only, and in 1981 Rovers actually played in this competition, being eliminated in the group stage after beating Chesterfield and losing to Sheffield United and Grimsby.

Finally 1983-84 saw the introduction of a competition which was able to establish itself over a longer period The Associate Members’ Cup (AMC) for teams from tiers three and four.

By the way a Full Members’ Cup (sponsored first by Simod and then by Zenith Data Systems) was organised for sides from the top two divisions from 1985 as a result of English clubs’ expulsion from Europe in the aftermath of the Heysel Stadium disaster, but it only lasted until 1992.

Rovers full record in the AMC is shown at the top of the adjacent page.

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Two notes on the above.

1. Four matches which ended in a penalty shoot out are counted as draws. These were all lost - against Scunthorpe in 1990-91, Hereford in 2004-05, Grimsby in 2007-08, and Crewe in 2012-13.

2. The AMC Final at Cardiff in 2007 is counted as an away match.

Although Rovers’ performance is better than our poor overall League Cup record, there have been few real highlights over the 25 seasons we have competed. In fact we have only twice reached the Area Semi-Final (last eight of the competition) - during our triumphant 2006-7 campaign and in 1989-90 when we were knocked out

by Tranmere Rovers in a two legged Northern Final. In fact these are the only two seasons when we played more than three matches, and the goals scored in those two campaigns (18 + 11) constitute a third of the 87 goals Rovers have scored in the competition.

In those 25 campaigns Rovers have competed 10 times as a third tier club, 12 times as a fourth tier club and three times when they were one of the six sides invited to participate whilst in the Conference. This invitation was rescinded in 2006-07 by which point, as a tier 3 club, we had been eliminated by Conference clubs in the two preceding seasons - by Hereford on penalties in 2004-05 and by Cambridge on 2005-06.

In total we have beaten teams from a higher echelon on seven occasions including twice as a Conference club against Rochdale (tier 4) and Wigan (tier 3). We have been beaten by lower opposition on five occasions including those two defeats at the hands of Conference opposition.

Apart from the two successful seasons already mentioned we also have positive memories of the 200203 campaign, despite the nature of our exit – a 0-8 thumping at Crewe.

The preceding away victories at Scarborough and Wigan, to take Rovers to the regional quarter-final as Conference club could certainly be seen as an achievement.

Our Conference seasons also provided another memorable moment in 200001. Neil Campbell went from zero to hero as he scored a dramatic ‘Golden Goal’ winner in the second minute of extra time just seconds after scoring an own goal for Rochdale in the 90th minute to take the tie to that extra time.

The away win at Scarborough in 2002-03 was also achieved by means of a ‘Golden Goal’ from Danny Hudson, meaning Rovers have actually won all three of their matches to be decided in such a fashion – the Conference play-off final win over Dagenham & Redbridge being the other of course.

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WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND CONTINUED FROM PAGES 30 AND 31 A curiosity occurred in 1985-86 when the group matches between Rovers, Notts County and Mansfield all ended in 1-0 home wins, so all three teams ended with identical records in the group. The group was ordered to be replayed and Mansfield were the winners. Ten years later in 1995-96 a similar situation occurred when after drawing group matches 1-1 with both Bradford City and Carlisle, those teams then played out a 1-1 draw themselves. This time lots were drawn to determine the group winners - and this fell in Rovers’ favour. It did not help too much as we lost to Notts County at home in the following round.

Here’s a few more facts and records from our 25 campaigns in the AMC. Attendances Highest home 12,561 vs Crewe, 2006-07 Highest away 59,024 vs Bristol Rovers, 2006-07 (at the Millennium Stadium) 10,004 at Tranmere, 1989-90 Lowest home 580 vs Rochdale ,1997-98 Lowest away 782 at Hartlepool, 1987-88 Leading goalscorers 10 Paul Heffernan 5 Lewis.Guy and Jason Price 3 David Jones and Neil Woods 2 Neil Campbell, Leo Fortune-West, Danny Hudson, Mark McCammon, Mark Rankine, Lee Turnbull and Martin Woods

Whilst no Rovers player has scored a hat-trick in the competition there have been seven instances of a player scoring two in a match. Paul Heffernan managed this three times, whilst Danny Hudson, Lewis Guy, Leo Fortune-West and Mark McCammon all did it once.

Paul Heffernan’s individual nine goals in the 2006-07 Cup winning campaign is far and away Rovers’ highest in the AMC in a single season. Incidentally it is also higher than any Rovers player has ever scored in all cup competitions in a season. And for good measure Paul also scored an FA Cup goal against Mansfield during that campaign, for a season’s total of 10 cup goals.

Largest home win 5-1 vs Bradford City, 2007-08 Largest away win 5-2 at Barnsley, 2005-6 Largest home defeat 1-3 vs Burnley 1989-90 1-3 vs Notts County 1995-96 Largest away defeat 0-8 at Crewe, 2002-03 No article on Rovers in this competition could be complete without some description of that sunny April Fools’ day in 2007 when more than 20,000 Doncaster fans made the journey to the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, to be joined by nearly twice that number from the blue and white quartered Rovers of Bristol. My own memories include the pleasant walk in the sunshine through the old Cardiff city centre with minimal police

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For completeness I should mention two more competitions. Prior to World War II there was another knockout competition organised for lower division clubs. Rovers played in the Division 3 North Challenge Cup in 1933-34, 1934-35 and 1937-38, and reached the semi-final in the last of those seasons. Over these three campaigns Rovers scored 19 goals with Ron Morgan leading the way with four.

Leading Associate Members Cup scorers (clockwise): Paul Heffernan, Lewis Guy, Jason Price and David Jones

presence, friendly chats with Bristol fans, and thinking what a wonderful stadium the Millennium is. The atmosphere inside was truly aweinspiring and the attendance of 59024 broke a 53 year old record as the largest ever crowd to witness a Rovers match (a record beaten of course the following season at Wembley).

However my most vivid memories are of the incredible wall of sound greeting the Bristol equaliser, followed by the scenes at the end of the match as the Rovers players and fans celebrated in true style.

It is difficult not to draw comparisons with, in my opinion, the most important match in Rovers’ entire history - the match against Dagenham & Redbridge at Stoke just four years earlier. In both matches we took a 2-0 lead, were pulled back to 2-2 and ended up with a Rovers winner in exactly the 110th minute.

Finally, older readers may remember the Watney Cup played in pre-season from 1970 to 1973. The tournament was memorable for playing with an experimental rule whereby players could not be offside outside of the opposition penalty area - as opposed to only their own half. I personally liked the rule but it was dumped. As it was an invitation tournament, Manchester United, perhaps unsurprisingly, did not compete in the 1972 event despite being eligible based on goals scored some things never change. The Watney Cup was also memorable for providing the first ever penalty shootout in England, in the 1970 event. The first player to take a penalty in a shootout was George Best and the first to miss was Dennis Law. Finally another quiz question.

There have been a total of seven sponsors of the Associate Members’ Cup from 1984. How many of these organisations can you name? Answers can be found on page ??

Caveat: No figures quoted in this article are official. Dutch Uncle uses many sources including club handbooks, Rothmans/Sky annuals, and best of all the Official Rovers History by Bluff & Watson. For definitive data the reader is referred to Tony Bluff and/ or Barry Watson.

BW

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REG IPSA: LEGAL BEAGLE NEW YEAR, NEW PROBLEMS. FEAR NOT OUR LEGAL ADVISOR IS BACK TO ANSWER YOUR PROBLEMS STAR LETTER CHUCKLE BOTHERS Dear Reg, Can you settle an argument? My mate and I were out in Donny after the Barnsley game and got drinking with these two characters. Both had moustaches and spikey hair and spoke in Rotherham accents. My mate ended up in bed with one of them. Has he had it away with a Chuckle Brother?

Irvine Clopper, Mexborough

REG RESPONDS Now then Irvine. Don’t worry yourself, I know the two in question. I used to pull them all the time when I went to Main Line nightclub. One’s called Pauline and the other one’s called Pat and they are pretty much definitely women, I think. Tell your mate he’s not a groupie, it’s not them off the telly. But they are from Rotherham still, so he ought to get himself down the clinic sharpish.

FANCY THAT Dear Reg, I am one of the security guards from the Keepmoat. I am in a bit of trouble. One of the ladies at work invited me to her son’s 18th birthday party. She told me it was fancy dress and to have some fun. As I was a bit skint I just got a bushy wig and beard and went as Dave Lee Travis and goosed everyone before getting drunk and trying it on with her. She us fuming and the police have been involved. What should I do?

Gerry Roper, Tickhill

REG RESPONDS We have all made mistakes in life. Though that is a belter. I’ve seen you at the ground – you would have been better off going as Diddy David Hamilton. I think you’ve had it mate. Try telling them you were on medication, if that doesn’t work then ask for solitary confinement.

IN A PICKLE Hi Reg, My husband lost his job as Santa at the pound shop and has decided to run in the next election as an independent candidate.

Problem is he’s put a bit of weight on in the past year and keeps getting mistaken for Eric Pickles. I tried suggesting he gives it a miss but he’s determined. What should I do?

Mavis Clout, Balby

REG RESPONDS I’ve seen him campaigning in the Black Bull. Stick him in a hooped shirt - he can earn a few bob as a John Doolan-a-like.

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HB