EDITORIAL Friends, Rovers, Yorkshiremen,
But I’m also tired of football I think. Maybe not the game, but I’m tired of so many aspects of it.
I’m tired of leagues spending so much time rebranding themselves; as if it was the name of the competition stopping the people of Essex roaring down to Braintree Town against Gateshead in their hordes. I’m tired of the Premier League’s rebrand and it only happened yesterday. I’m tired of marketing bollocks like this; ‘The identity is a huge tonal shift from buttoned up, shirt and tie, formal, reserved… to warm, human, approachable and informal.’ for what is just a f***ing logo for a football league, and not a makeover of a politician’s image.
I’m tired of its increasing omnipresence; why do Manchester United need an official tyre partner in Indonesia? Why do Liverpool need an official skincare partner, when surely a decent centre half would be of more use?
I’m tired of football’s inflated sense of self-importance and finances that have now long moved beyond the realms of anything vaguely sane. I’m tired of people celebrating how much has been spent in a transfer window rather than what it has been spent on.
I’ve found it hard to write this editorial, and I think it’s ultimately because I’m so tired. I’m tired because it’s 1:40am Wednesday morning as I write this sentence, and this isn’t even the last thing I have to do for the fanzine before sending it to the printers, after which I can go to bed. Ready to get up for work at 7am.
CONTENTS: ISSUE 80 5 6 10 11 12 14 16 17 18 20 22
Giving Away Your Money The Bernard Glover Diaries In Off The Postbag Follows the Rovers The Belles, The Belles Personal Programming Marshall Matters Evans Watch Voice of the Pop Side Jack the Miner’s Coal Face Conference Calls
23 23 24 26 27 28 30 32 34 38 39 3
Memorable Memorabilia Tyson’s Fury Lazarus Comes Forth Keepmoat Krushes Remembering the First Time Jack’s Craic Gary Brabin Memorial Lounge Beneath the Statue Windmills of Your Mind Reg Ipsa: Legal Beagle Meeting Molly Malone
I’m tired of the transfer window, and the indulgence of it all; as was perfectly summarised by Frankie Boyle’s Deadline Day tweet ‘Your club has bought some journeyman midfielder sexcase for the price of a hospital’.
I’m tired of the twisting of the past to suit current arguments. Paul Dickov may not have been the right manager for the club, but he handed more youth team graduates debuts than any other Rovers manager since at least 1998; I’m tired of that being overlooked.
I’m tired of knowing for most clubs he’ll largely be right.
I’m tired of being asked if I support a bigger club. I’m tired of the Liverpool, or Chelsea, or Manchester United fans who ask me this getting all put out when I subsequently ask them if they do.
I’m tired of the arguments over ticket prices, particularly in the Premier League, that suggest only now have ticket prices too much. I’m tired of fans complaining of ticket prices at their own club, whilst mocking empty seats at another. I’m tired of being charged £24 and upwards for third tier football, whilst the FSF puts its efforts into capping away ticket prices in the Premier League at a figure less than that.
I’m tired of grown adults play-acting. I’m tired of how long a team that’s winning takes over a throw-in. I’m tired of goalkeepers pretending to berate their defenders, and pretending to not hear referees. I’m tired of players who trot over to the far side of the pitch when they know they’re about to be substituted, so they can eat up as much time as possible walking to the bench. I’m tired of paying £24 or more to watch this same routine over and over.
I’m tired of the way I still hand over my cash anyway, despite how tired I am of the ridiculous sums I’m being asked for. I’m tired of clubs attempts to justify these prices by telling me their tickets are cheaper than another club that I had no interest in watching. I’m tired of having to pay more on the day to watch a League match, despite it being a much less labour intensive transaction for all involved.
I’m tired of the banter. I’m tired of tekkers. I’m tired of the language and the slang. I’m tired of retweeting praise and pretending the negatives never happen. I’m tired of new kits every year. I’m tired of people dicking about with hoops, and treating an away kit as a blank canvas.
I’m tired of the fury and rage that greets every announcement as if it is a personal affront; sometimes football matches are postponed, sometimes football matches are lost, sometimes players are sold. I’m tired of the constant search for a scapegoat. I’m tired of the childish dismissals of anything a past player or manager ever did for the club as being ‘shit’.
I’m tired of lazily nicking other clubs’ songs. I’m tired of pyro. I’m tired of parties. I’m tired of all this. I just want the football. And my bed. 4
GW
GIVING AWAY YOUR MONEY EDITOR GLEN WILSON ON HOW POPULAR STAND GAVE AWAY £1,000 OF YOUR MONEY AT CHRISTMAS When the shops are already beginning their January sales before you’ve opened the first doors on your advent calendar, and the lampposts have been wound in twinkling lights since October it can be easy to forget the true joy of Christmas. That of course should’ve been defeating Scunthorpe on Boxing Day, but as that moment sadly never came, here at popular STAND we instead sought festivity through the spirit of giving.
Doncaster Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling Service
DRASACS aim to help local people who have suffered from rape and sexual abuse. They provide confidential services for adults, children and young people who have been raped or sexually abused, as well as family members who have been affected by the issues.
DonMentia
It is estimated that 850,000 people suffer with dementia in the UK. DonMentia aims to promote and protect the mental and physical health of sufferers of dementia, and their carers, in Doncaster through the provision of support and equipment.
This fanzine is very much a labour of love rather than a business. What ‘profits’ we make from selling our frankly under-priced fanzine we choose to give away. In the distant past we gave it to football, but in recent years we’ve chosen instead to give it away to causes which are not only close to our heart, but also close to our people, our roots and our community. There are people out there voluntarily doing all they can to make our town great, to make it welcoming, to make it compassionate and to make it comfortable for everyone, whether they’ve been here all their lives, or recently found themselves in Doncaster. How can you not want to support that? Thanks to all those who have purchased a copy of, or subscribed to, the fanzine this season and through the welcome generosity of those of who you have chosen to pay more than the minimum price of £1 we managed to squirrel away £1,000 in 2015. And so in December we gave all that away, £250 to each of the following four small, independent local charities who are in great need of support and recognition for their work.
Guru Nanak’s Free Kitchen
Guru Nank’s Free Kitchen is a project established by members of Doncaster’s Sikh community, which provides and serves free food to homeless people and those who need it.
Doncaster Conversation Club
The Conversation Club is a weekly group for refugee and asylum seekers in Doncaster who want to practice their English and get more support. The Conversation Club aims to help people learn and practice English in a relaxed setting, make friends, share and develop skills and build confidence. Huge thanks again to you for purchasing popular STAND, and to all our brilliant writers and contributors, for making this a possibility. 5
THE BERNARD GLOVER DIARIES WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN AS THE OPTIMISM OF DECEMBER MELTS AWAY IN A TURGID JANUARY. ENJOY! SATURDAY 12 DECEMBER ROVERS 3-2 CREWE ALEXANDRA
SATURDAY 19 DECEMBER BURTON ALBION 3-3 ROVERS
I’d expect them to sit back now,’ said Dave after Crewe went ahead, ‘but I don’t see how they can go back any further’. He had a point; Rovers had dominated the opening quarter but somehow found themselves behind to Marcus Haber’s tap-in. However they’d be level by half-time; Conor Grant volleying home a James Coppinger delivery for 1-1.
There are many words you could use to describe watching Rovers under Darren Ferguson, but dull most certainly isn’t one. It took just four minutes for Rovers to go ahead against the league leaders; Mitchell Lund’s cross plucked out the air and rifled into the corner of the net on the half-volley by Williams. Within quarter of an hour Burton were level; Williams’ slack pass picked off in midfield and a first time ball released Callum Butcher who slotted past Thorsten Stuckmann. Rovers missed the opportunity to regain the lead when Williams’ penalty was saved, and instead momentum swung Burton’s way and they took the lead on the hour; Butcher again the scorer.
In the second half Rovers showed merit and possession, but lacked cut-through. Crewe showed flashes, but nothing came until the Black Bank heralded ‘Fergie Time’ and then everything everywhere was goals. With ninety on the clock Crewe got in behind Cedric Evina for a second time and a second goal; Callum Saunders scoring a presumed winner. Instead it was merely an appetiser.
But Rovers rose once more as Paul Keegan emphatically called the bluff of those who’d chanted ‘on the pitch if Keegan scores’ by curling in a delightful free-kick to level things up. And then another chance from the penalty spot as Andy Butler was bundled over and this time Nathan Tyson did the honours more effectively to make it 3-2.
92 minutes; a free-kick. Cameron Stewart stepped up and curled it perfectly over the wall and into the top corner for a last gasp equaliser. Or so we thought. A minute later Aaron Taylor-Sinclair sent a hail-Mary downfield. Andy Williams was first to the ball; managing to shuffle it into enough space on the edge of the area to curl a glorious left foot shot into the back of the net and send spray flying, ecstatic fans into the arms of strangers, and your reporter into a merry jig in the rain. Football’s alright, you know.
However, the joy would be shortlived, and as is often the case, it was a former Rovers player who dealt the cruellest blow: Mark Duffy equalising for Albion in the dying minutes. 6
SATURDAY 26 DECEMBER ROVERS 0-1 SCUNTHORPE UNITED
SATURDAY 2 JANUARY SOUTHEND UNITED 0-3 ROVERS
‘Awful’. That was the text message summary I received of a first half in which Paddy Madden had tapped Scunthorpe in front from all of half a yard out. In the second half Rovers improved, but as is so often the case; failed to deliver in front of an expectant home crowd. Evina again went close, as did Coppinger with a crafty turn and volley, whilst Stewart rattled the bar, but the equaliser never came.
‘The complete performance’ is how Ferguson described this win, and it’s hard to disagree. Rovers were the better side; more fluid and open than their hosts, and went in at the break with a deserved lead. Tyson’s deftly weighted pass, slotted into the roof of the net by Williams. Better though Rovers were, it took a flying Stuckmann to maintain the lead to the whistle; the big German turning Glen Rea’s shot round the post. Rovers began the second half sharply, doubling the lead ten minutes in. Unable to shake their markers for a previous corner Rovers’ big men formed an orderly queue outside the area to attack Grant’s next delivery, and second in line was Taylor-Sinclair arriving perfectly to crash in a volley off the underside of the bar.
MONDAY 28 DECEMBER OLDHAM ATHLETIC 1-2 ROVERS For as long as we’ve been in League One it feels as though we’ve forever been playing Oldham away. Groundhog Day without Bill Murray in a half-built cinema without a roof. Less tedious, but no less regular has been Andy Williams’ goalscoring, and he struck again in fantastic fashion 12 minutes in; controlling Craig Alcock’s cross before finding the opposite top corner with the outside of his right boot.
Southend had by now abandoned all pretence of known defending and comically gifted Rovers another goal. Daniel Bentley dithered over a backpass long enough for Tyson to dispossess him and square for Williams who was bundled over by a Southend defender chalking up an early contender in the twin categories of lowest, and most futile, diving header of the year. Tyson fired home the penalty; goal, set and match to Rovers who allowed Southend to flounder about on the edge of the area taking turns to whack shots straight at Stuckmann until time ran out.
Williams added another before the break; turning in Harry Middleton’s cross for 2-0. Oldham made it a nervy final few minutes when Rhys Murphy tucked a home from close range, but Rovers managed to hang on.
THURSDAY 31 DECEMBER Harry Forrester appears staggering out of the wilderness of Cantley Park to sign for Rangers. The midfielder has been decidedly out of favour since Darren Ferguson’s arrival so his departure has an air of inevitability about it. Most pleased with the deal will be handy men in the Govan area, who are set for a sudden surge in simple domestic work.
THURSDAY 7 JANUARY Richie Wellens’ second spell at the club finally reaches it’s arguably overdue end as he signs for Shrewsbury. He’s followed out the door a few days later by the McKay twins, Jack and Paul, who end a week of tabloid touting from dad by joining Leeds United. 7
THE BERNARD GLOVER DIARIES CONTINUED FROM PAGES 6 AND 7
SATURDAY 16 JANUARY ROVERS 2-2 GILLINGHAM
A pre-match power-cut meant a surreal warm-up bereft of music or announcements, during which Nathan Tyson and Harry Middleton both sustained injuries. When Rory Donnelly volleyed home Gillingham’s opener less than ten minutes in, one could be forgiven for thinking this wasn’t Rovers’ day. It didn’t get any better in the second half either when Butler picked up an injury and was unable to prevent Bradley Dack strolling through to set up Donnelly for his second.
SATURDAY 9 JANUARY ROVERS 1-2 STOKE CITY When facing a top-flight team I usually hope for just one thing; avoidance of embarrassment. Or, as it’s known round here, ‘another Bolton’. In 2007 Rovers were ruthlessly dumped out the FA Cup third round by Wanderers and so when Stoke took the lead on 15 minutes – Taylor-Sinclair getting the wrong side of Joselu who crossed for Peter Crouch to tap home – the spectre of history repeating itself loomed large.
Mercifully Rovers would come into life in the final fifteen minutes as substitute Stewart slotted home another expert free-kick. Rovers’ luck didn’t appear to have changed though as Stewart was stretched off soon after the restart, but then with just a couple of minutes remaining, Williams brilliantly turned his defender and broke to roll in an equaliser. Nine minutes of injury time prompted a frantic climax; Gillingham hanging on desperately. But there was to be no Crewe-style miracle – Williams fluffing his lines when set up by Liam Mandeville – and despite everything, a draw felt a fair outcome.
Rovers though did not roll over; instead they hit back instantly. Luke McCullough finding space and pace where no-one expected it carried the ball from his own half to the Stoke area where he squared for Tyson to prod home at the second attempt. Deserved parity that would be maintained until the break. In the second half Rovers again went at City but were once more undone by a defensive error. Seconds after saving brilliantly from Mame Diouf, Stuckmann shanked a goalkick straight to Crouch and though his effort was blocked the ball fell to Jonathan Walters who fired in emphatically from 25 yards.
SATURDAY 23 JANUARY FLEETWOOD TOWN 0-0 ROVERS
Walters would go close again, stretching to meet a far post cross, but the game’s latter chances went largely Rovers way as they pushed for an equaliser and what would’ve been a deserved replay. Butler glanced a header onto the bar; Tyson hooked over from Gary McKenzie’s knock-down and then, right at the death Butler hurled himself at one last chance, only for his diving header to clear the bar.
Why do we bother with these games? Surely it would be much better for all involved if Rovers and Fleetwood just agreed in advance to a point apiece and then we could all make better use of our Saturday afternoons; we could clear out the shed, we could clean the windows, we could curl up in a ball in the corner of the room and just silently sob for two hours. 8
Of the positives; Sean O’Driscoll’s Walsall proved to be some of our more pleasant house-guests, foregoing the usual 80 minutes of time-wasting we’ve become painfully accustomed to. And young Mandeville netted his first Rovers goal in impressive style; just a shame he didn’t get the opportunity to really enjoy it.
TUESDAY 26 JANUARY ROVERS 1-2 PORT VALE On the subject of matches we probably shouldn’t bother with in order to preserve our own sanity and spirit; Port Vale turned up in midweek for their annual collection of three points. AJ Leitch-Smith scored twice for the visitors; benefitting both times from defending that sat somewhere between clumsy and vaudeville on the capability spectrum. Evina brought some late cheer and hope with a cross that somehow landed in the back of the net, but the game had long gone from Rovers, and the points were already nestling into their usual seat on the Vale bus back to the Potteries.
THURSDAY 4 FEBRUARY Rovers announce a new three year partnership with kit suppliers Football Thailand (FBT) at the club’s latest Meet the Owners event. ‘Their history and growth is impressive, however also appealing to us at Club Doncaster is the family ownership, commitment to community principles very much aligned to our own,’ says Gavin Baldwin on the official club website.
MONDAY 1 FEBRUARY Disappointing news to start the month as the immovable mountain moves on. Rob Jones, so instrumental in Rovers’ 2013 League One title, agrees to leave the club by mutual consent. Early suggestions from the club are that Jones wanted to continue playing, but such has been the big man’s injury record over the last couple of seasons Ferguson couldn’t guarantee that option. Also departing today, is Gary MacKenzie, who joins Notts County on a month’s loan.
Unfortunately the deal does not see an end to the team changing kit every season, but may bring a friendly with the Oman national team, so you know, that’s helpful. How the oppressive authoritarian regime of Oman fits in with Rovers commitment to community principles I’m not entirely sure. The possible options for next season’s kit were unveiled at the meeting, each one designed by supporters, thus striking a blow to the Thai Football Kit Designers’ Union. The home shirt options further highlighted why it’s a bad idea to change kit every season, in that it only encourages people to start dicking about with hoops.
TUESDAY 2 FEBRUARY ROVERS 1-2 WALSALL Call me crazy if you will, but I can’t help but feel there’s a flaw in this strategy of giving visiting teams a two goal lead and then desperately trying to claw something back in the final five minutes. Five of Rovers’ last six home games have seen the away side net a brace, if this season is to go anywhere, and crowds are to remain onside, it simply can’t go on.
As for the away kit, supporters have the choice of a faded tablecloth from a cheap French Bistro, a home shirt under a tank top, a tub of St Ivel Gold, the purple Power Ranger and a collection of off-cuts from the last four Liverpool away kits. 9
GW
IN OFF THE POSTBAG NO, YOUR EYES DO NOT DECEIVE YOU, WE’VE HAD SOME ACTUAL BLOODY CORRESPONDENCE. THANKS, NICK Dear popular STAND, I miss going to the games for the banter and visiting new grounds, but don’t miss the actual football. Give me a game of Aussie Rules anyday. I’ve taken up watching Perth Glory and have been to both finals over in Adelaide and Melbourne which we lost, but it’s not the same as watching Rovers.
I’ve just read issue 79 and was shocked to hear about John Coyle’s illness; I wish him well in his long recovery. I also smiled at Liam Oltley’s piece (it’s Liam’s dad who sends me the fanzines, or in this case gave it to me personally in South Africa as we were watching England in the first three tests there). I’d taken Liam and his dad to many Rovers games before emigrating to Australia.
I’m moving to Queensland in February so I’ll go through the same again with Perth as I’ve done with Rovers, though it’s only a 90 minute flight to Brisbane and not the 28 hours it is to see the Rovers.
This leads me on to watching Rovers from afar. Unfortunately I’ve only seen seven games since August 2011, including the first game at Brighton’s fantastic new ground, and Scunthorpe away in March 2013 when I had to return to bury mum.
Yours, Nick Clarke
Many thanks to Nick for taking the time to write, and glad to see him still following the Rovers, and the fanzine from his current base in Australia.
Please do email us, or tweet us, or post on our Facebook wall (addresses for all of which are available on the inside front cover of this and every issue) and tell us what you’re thinking.
We do like to hear from you, our readers, and we’d love to hear from more of you. Please do get in touch and offer us your thoughts and your feedback on the fanzine, but also on the Rovers too. This fanzine is your publication, it is here for you now as it was back in 1998 when it was first set up. So your voice matters and we want your interaction with popular STAND to be more than just handing a dodgy looking fella £1 six times a season.
We want to know what you like and dislike about the fanzine, and we want to know what you like and dislike about the Rovers, so we can keep these 40 pages as relevant to you as possible. So please, if you can, follow Nick’s example and take the time to get in touch.
10
FOLLOWS THE ROVERS MIKE FOLLOWS GIVES YOU THE LOWDOWN ON THE NEW FACES AT THE KEEPMOAT STADIUM Approaching the business end of the season Rovers look destined for a solid mid-table finish, which is somewhat better than what many supporters feared prior to Paul Dickov’s departure. Much of the credit for this has been given to Darren Ferguson’s attacking style of football.
Conor Grant
Although still a youngster, Conor’s list of achievements already mark him out as one for the future. Deputy head boy, Chair of the debating society, Young Enterprise Graduate of the Year 2013 and Duke of Edinburgh Silver Award (merit) winner in his time at Winchester, he was always destined to be a star. Also a very gifted cricketer, rugby player and cellist, he chose to pursue a career in football and he has delighted everyone with his immediate impact at the Rovers.
Ferguson hasn’t made a huge number of signings since his arrival, but to give some insight into those who have joined the club lately I’ve compiled the following biographies, starting with the manager himself.
Lynden Gooch
Born down in a dead man’s town, the first kick he took was when he hit the ground. Lynden ended up like a dog that’s been beat too much and spent half his life just covering up until the USAborn youngster was spotted and signed by Sunderland scouts. Gooch is a strong and enthusiastic forward who describes his style as ‘a bricolage of Wayne Rooney, Zinedine Zidane and Paul Barnes’. Lynden is also a keen entomologist and can often be found at a nature reserve with a magnifying pot and a sketch book.
Darren Ferguson
Plucked from obscurity, Darren was a shock appointment for most Rovers fans. With very little experience of professional football, he was an unknown quantity but has certainly been keen to make his mark so far. And, if his loan signings are anything to go by, he clearly sees youth as the way forward. Darren’s father is the third-generation owner of the family television manufacturing business and it was widely assumed that he would also enter the trade. However, a family feud about branching out into hairdryers and other electrical goods dissuaded him and he opted instead for a career in football management. Having tried his hand with a few youth and Sunday teams it looked like he was never going to get his big break in the game and he was working as a financial ombudsman prior to taking the Keepmoat hot seat.
Eddy Lecygne
Le Cygne is French for ‘the swan’ and Eddy is French for ‘Edward’. Regarded by pundits as ‘The next Lee Cattermole’, Eddy is clearly a tricky, flair player with pace to burn. His family own Lyon’s biggest hot tub dealership and he’s already declared himself impressed with the set up at Cantley Park, the Keepmoat Stadium and Artesian Spas just off Wheatley Hall Road. 11
MF
THE BELLES, THE BELLES GLEN WILSON ON HOW DONCASTER ROVERS BELLES ARE GEARING UP FOR THEIR RETURN TO THE TOP FLIGHT Speaking to the Doncaster Star about Project Phoenix - qnd in particular the new facility planned at Misson Sheila Edmunds, Belles founder and club president heralded ‘a magnificent development that will provide opportunities for young female players in and around Doncaster to fulfil their potential and realise their dreams of playing football at their highest level. It has been a long journey from 1969 to the present - from the days of training in local parks to this incredible, stateof-the-art modern facility.’
Whilst Rovers season begins its long slow anticlimactic march towards mid-table inevitability another of the town’s teams are gearing themselves up for the challenge ahead. In March Doncaster Rovers Belles return to the top flight of women’s football for the 2016 FA Women’s Super League, and all connected to the club appear to be relishing the challenge ahead. As most will be all too aware - despite the protests led by this publication - three years ago the Belles were forcibly demoted from the top flight after just one game of the 2013 season. Having stumbled through the rest of that dead rubber, and built over two impressive seasons in FAWSL2, the Belles are back, and arguably bigger and brighter than ever; keen to cement their position back at the level at which many feel they rightfully belong.
These plans have been made possible by Doncaster-born businessman Carl Lygo, who has provided investment in the project personally. Lygo is also Chief Executive of Belles’ main sponsors BPP Professional Education Group who have also given the side a boost by committing to partner the Belles until the end of the 2017 season.
In October, before the dust had settled on their promotion back to the top flight the Belles boldly launched Project Phoenix. This sustained investment in the club’s future centres on a state-of-the-art training facility as well as full-time professional contracts to a core group of ten players to ensure the team remains as competitive as possible in the top flight. As the club announced, ‘the brand new facility includes plans for a mix of five grass and artificial pitches of varying sizes, a physiotherapy room, dressing rooms, an indoor heated pool, ice baths, a gym, residential rooms and offices.
And it’s not just off the pitch where the Belles have been looking forwards, they’ve also spent the off-season preparing for the new season by tying up the services of some of the stars of last season’s promotion campaign on full-time contracts.
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Sue Smith, Emily Simpkins, Kasia Lipka, Rhiannon Roberts, captain Leandra Little and top-scorer Courtney Sweetman-Kirk have all put pen to paper on new deals for manager Glen Harris. As have six new faces who have joined the side ready for the 2016 season.
Completing a trio of players joining from Liverpool is Icelandic international Katrin Omarsdottir, who has previously played professionally in Sweden and the USA. Omarsdottir joined Liverpool in 2013, scoring the goal that secured them the FAWSL title in her debut season. With 64 caps for her country and 10 international goals from midfield Omarsdottir again brings valuable experience to the Belles.
Most notable of the Belles’ winter recruits is Natasha Dowie (above right). Having begun her career in London with Watford, Fulham and Charlton Dowie has spent the last eight years on Merseyside, firstly with Everton and latterly with Liverpool. Dowie was a member of the Liverpool side which won back-to-back titles in 2013 and 2014, finishing as top scorer for the reds in the 2013 campaign. A full England international Dowie has 14 caps, scoring 5 goals for England, last playing for the Lionesses against China in April last year.
Another midfielder arriving at the Keepmoat is highly-rated young Arsenal player Carla Humphrey who is with the Belles on a season-long loan. The England under-20 international has been in the Arsenal squad since turning sixteen, having progressed through the Gunners’ junior ranks. Completing the list of incoming Belles players is goalkeeper Anna Moorhouse, who joins from Durham Women to put pressure on current number one, Nicola Hobbs. Moorhouse impressed the Belles management in opposition for Durham last season and brings welcome competition to the side.
Whilst Dowie is undoubtedly the best known of the Belles new recruits, most familiar to followers of the Doncaster women’s side will be Jess Sigsworth who returns to the Keepmoat Stadium after spending 2014 with Notts County. Doncaster-born Sigsworth spent three years with the Belles after signing for the club at the age of 16, and her pace and power in attack will be a welcome addition to the squad for the return to the top flight. Also back with the Belles after time away - albeit considerably longer - is Becky Easton (above left). The defender spent four seasons at the Belles between 2000 and 2004, captaining the club before moving back to her native Merseyside to join Everton. After three seasons with Liverpool, the former England international, now 41, returns to the Belles in a player-coaching role that will bring vital experience to Harris’ young side.
The transfer door alas doesn’t swing just one way and the Belles have also said goodbye to a number of players during the winter; most notably Beth England and Lyndsey Cunningham. England, who finished as secondhighest scorer for the Belles last season, has been rewarded for her endeavours with a transfer to last season’s double-winners Chelsea. Cunningham, the club’s longest serving player, who was sponsored by this publication a couple of seasons ago has also moved to pastures new, signing for Premier League Nottingham Forest. Also departing the Belles in the offseason were Nicole Dale, Lauren Cresswell, Jade Lorton-Radburn, Molly Johnson and Sophie Stamp. 13
GW
PERSONAL PROGRAMMING OUR PROGRAMME REVIEW FEATURE MAKES A WELCOME RETURN AS HOWARD BONNETT GOES BACK TO 1969. For Christmas, my daughter bought me a match programme from the year after I was born; 1969. Like this year Rovers had been drawn against top flight opposition in the FA Cup third round. But on that date, 4 January 1969, the venue was Anfield, where Bill Shankly was building a Liverpool team which would go on to be multiple cup and title winners.
And ‘Who’s for big helpings of flavour?’ was asked of those who preferred the horse manure and bus tickets combo that was Park Drive cigarettes. For the pipe smoker an advert for St Bruno was there to tempt you as well. I thought of inserting an ‘Old Shag’ gag in this point but we’re better than that. Aren’t we?
As a first division club (before your fancy Premier League) Liverpool provided a fuller programme than Rovers, but at the princely sum of nine pence I suspect you would rightly have wanted a bit more for your money. The 40 page programme was padded out by the inclusion in its middle of 24 pages of ‘Football League Review’, which would have cost you a shilling if you’d bought it outright. Makes the £1 minimum we ask you for this fanzine an even greater bargain.
There were also adverts for the Football Pools, which were common place back then. This has been replaced in the modern game with far more direct gambling based advertising, including sponsorships of the various professional and semiprofessional leagues. However, even then clubs were keen to sell a bit of merchandise and you could buy a Liverpool holdall (similar to the one we use to sell this fanzine) from Milletts for the princely sum of 22’6. I make that about £1.12 in today’s money.
The adverts really help date the programme, listing such fine products as Double Top Higsons Brown Ale, Tetley Walker Ales, Double Diamond, Bent’s Bitter and for the robust drinker - Poacher Brown Ale. I am sure the older drinkers amongst you have ‘appreciated’ some of these ales over the years, and enjoy this stagger down memory lane. For the keen smoker among the readership there were adverts for Woodbine cigs with the catchy tag line ‘You can’t lose with a Woodbine’.
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Whilst the main programme provided much of the staples you expect an editorial from the boardroom, pen pictures of the Rovers players, connections between the two clubs, and a Rovers team photo - the League Review is an interesting read. One of the articles within it comments on the departure of Leicester City manager Matt Gillies and his complaints about thuggery, gamesmanship, cheating and a wonder where the sportsmanship had gone. How little he knew.
A discussion about getting a maximum wage for players back on the statute book was discussed and dismissed with a suggestion of it bearing win bonuses of £200 instead of the usual £4. I am not sure if the win bonus’ or wages then were the King’s Ransom they’ve become now. Fans’ opinion pieces bemoaned the lack of investment despite the large attendances. Surprisingly none of them were from Sheffield United fans. There was also a problem page and an Ask the Referee column for those with a burning question about offside. It’s reassuring to know that anoraks were around then. So what I have learned from reading the programme? Well, even though it was 47 years ago football fans were clearly just as geeky, likely to moan, and as loving of a beer and a smoke and a gamble as they are now. I think it is the game that has changed. And not necessarily for the better.
To lighten the mood an article about Hartlepool manager Gus Mclean revealed an interesting morsel on what he did to relieve the stress of football management. Apparently making tapestries was the trick. I dread to think of the mick taking he got the following week. He was sacked in April 1970. I suspect this revelation probably didn’t help his cause. Poor Gus died in 1979. I bet his shroud was a tapestry-based sight to behold. The final connecting titbit I found to Rovers was a request from a 13-yearold John McLaughlin of Rossington asking for girl pen pals aged 12-14 who were interested in Rovers. I can;t imagine a 13-year-old popping that in the Rovers programme nowadays. Taking a selfie of your backside and snapchatting it to the object of your affection is the current tactic employed… or so I am told. I have tried it with the wife, but she thought her phone screen was cracked down the middle. Back in January 1969 they had to wait a further six months for moon action like that… when Neil Armstrong landed Apollo 11 in July and took one small step for man.
Can you imagine Sam Allardyce telling us about his passion for crossstitch or Jurgen Klopp confiding to the media his love of collecting Capa Di Monte figurines? I expect not. Wouldn’t we all be fascinated by finding out that Steve Bruce winds down after a game by looking at his collection of pre war bus timetables? Anyway, for those who perhaps didn’t know; the match itself finished 2-0 to Liverpool with goals from Roger Hunt and Ian Callaghan in front of 48,330 at the ground. Although it’s fair to say ‘how did Rovers get on?’ isn’t the key question here. Of course not. No, instead the question we’re all thinking is most definitely, sid young John Mclaughlin ever find his dream pen pal? Well, over to you John... 15
HB
MARSHALL MATTERS ROB MARSHALL EXPLAINS WHY HE’S GLAD MUCH LESS FOOTBALL WAS TELEVISED IN HIS YOUTH The FA Cup, the League Cup, the Premier league, the Championship, League One, La Liga, the Scottish Premier League, the Bundesliga - I have watched them all this last month with some help from my iPad, Mac or TV. Conveniently, on top of a dizzying diet of live fixtures, I recently set up my Sky Sports app to send me alerts when the Rovers goals are available to watch on my phone. Within a couple of hours of the final whistle, I can examine just exactly how we left someone unmarked from a set piece again, and all while the players are still on the bus home. Things are a far cry from the 1980s when the game, and the Rovers, captured my heart and allegiance. I remember, with rose tinted envy, the hours spent in my youth pouring over the Green ‘Un throughout Saturday evenings. The secrets of the afternoon were hidden amongst a host of independent paragraphs, all clearly produced in response to an event, during the game, then thrust together to create, in name at least, a match ‘report’ in time to meet the tightest of print deadlines. Certainly the facts were all there, recorded in glorious green and black but you had to do the rest. The reader brought the action to life themselves - it was for me alone to theorise just how spectacular a late close-range equaliser from Mark Rankine, or a consolation header from Lee Turnbull, actually was; thank God the reality of things like video clips weren’t available to ruin the illusion.
The benefits to these restrictions were many; aside from the requirement to have a decent imagination, my young vocabulary was bolstered by new and exciting words and phrases with each passing week of division four action, adding new weight to my very own thesaurus; ‘totally capitulated’, ‘inept finishing’ and ‘dreadful attempted clearance’. Football was a different entity even then, especially in the lower divisions. Television coverage outside the old First Division was basically nil, and so if you didn’t see the game with your own eyes, you didn’t see it; meaning every other week me and the newspaper had to do the work. There was many a pre-match Saturday spent on the edge of my seat in the hope that either Saint and or Greavsie would mention Doncaster Rovers on a national forum, but they never did. It all only served to add to the excitement... one day. It is still one of the clearest, happiest memories of my childhood - eagerly sitting and watching the vidiprinter on BBC’s Grandstand tapping out the day’s final scores before the text DONCASTER 6 (SIX) appeared across the bottom of the thick glass screen. An uncharacteristically prolific day away at Hartlepool had somehow yielded a 6-0 victory; the drama of events perfectly summed up by that scrolling asterisk etching out the words across a blue screen. 16
It remains far more spectacular seeing it confirmed that way, than by opening up a crisp, full-colour HD highlights package. I have never seen footage of that glorious day at Victoria Park, and I sincerely hope I never do, for it could not hope do justice to the action I have already conjured for myself.
I can’t remember the last time I read a match report, a position entirely of my own making and entirely my own fault. The comforts afforded to today’s football fan have made me lazy in both how I view football, and the suffocating and glutinous weight at which I consume it. The demise of the Green ‘Un is a high price to pay for such rich but unfulfilling luxuries.
Yorkshire Television’s Goals on Sunday often provided belated goal action, but by lunch-time on a Sunday my mind’s eye had already provided its own highlights package. In any case, invariably the camera man would miss the goal, or John Helm would be in such a rush the producers would decide that, in order to show those two Lee Chapman headers that looped over the bar in the Sheffield Wednesday game, it would be necessary to bump the Doncaster goals from that week’s show. Fair enough, and they were usually good enough to find the time to mention our result and also show the bottom half of the table, so our progress could still be adequately monitored.
This month I resolve to do the right thing by my younger self and if I haven’t seen the game in person I plan to only read about it in print (think how spectacular Cedric Evina’s goal against Port Vale would’ve been if you’d only imagined it based on a single line of hurried text?). It was once famously suggested the best way to watch Wimbledon’s ‘Crazy Gang’ was on teletext. I would argue that once in a while at least, it’s not a bad way to follow the Rovers too.
RM
THIS ISSUE STEVE IS... ...clearly lying about his fishing prowess 17
VOICE OF THE POP SIDE CAN YOU JUDGE A MANAGER BY HIS WIN PERCENTAGE? JOHN COYLE SUGGESTS NOT At the risk of straying into Dutch Uncle’s territory, the end of Paul Dickov’s managerial reign gave me the opportunity to analyse his record in the context of previous Rovers managers. First of all, I realised I hadn’t got a definitive record of the results under each manager, but a few hours with the relevant history books and a laptop soon put that right.
Table 1 below shows the Football League (and Football Conference) records of all managers who have taken charge of Rovers for more than 30 games, and is ranked by the percentage of matches won. Where managers (such as Billy Bremner) have had two spells in charge their respective figures are aggregated.
The second table (right), which incorporates cup games to show managerial records in all first team matches, shows Dickov’s reign in a little more positive light, helped by decent runs in the League Cup and FA Cup in 2014-15.
The overall picture is not a great one. Dickov emerges as one of the least successful managers in Rovers history. Indeed, I was surprised to find his League record was marginally worse than the likes of Maurice Setters, Dave Cusack and Steve Beaglehole.
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But perhaps we are being unfair to Dickov when we start to consider the level at which he managed Rovers.
For example, four points for a win at tier two, three for a win at tier three, and so on. Although I have tried this and it actually produced rankings just as skewed as those shown above. There was also the question of how to deal with Cup fixtures. What should we award for such games, and how should we rate play-offs? In the end, I gave up, but I’d welcome any suggestions!
This unfairness becomes even more apparent when we look at the records of some of those managers considered to have been highly successful and influential. Sean O’Driscoll and Billy Bremner in mid-table? Peter Doherty in the lower half, and below Steve Wignall? Surely some mistake? In fact, the bare measure of Win Percentage is fatally flawed. It doesn’t consider trophies won, league position or, most crucially, the level at which those wins were gained. So a home win over lowly opposition in Division Four counts the same as an away success at a high flying rival in Division Two, or its modern equivalent.
I think we can conclude that Dickov was not particularly successful as manager of Doncaster Rovers. He had two and a bit seasons in charge, was relegated in his first and failed to finish in the top half of the league below in his second. He left with Rovers near the foot of League One. He could cite various mitigating circumstances failed takeovers, injuries and general bad luck - but then so could most of the men whose careers are shown in the tables above. In the end, Win Percentage counts for very little when assessing the career of a manager. A lot more is down to when and against whom those wins were achieved.
Over time I have given some thought to how this manifest unfairness might be addressed. Sadly, none of the solutions are particularly simple. One idea I had was to award points for each victory depending on the level at which they were gained. 19
JC
JACK THE MINER’S COAL FACE WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’VE GOT, EVEN WHEN IT’S GONE; JACK THE MINER I am reading a book which argues that in the 17th century, London was the biggest and most frightening city in the world. It claims that this dangerous metropolis bred individualistic survivors of an ‘every man for himself ’ attitude with a tendency for loudness and cockiness. By all accounts there was no shame in being noticed in this world. In fact it paid dividends. I suppose this explains Danny Dyer. It might explain Harry Redknapp, but it’s not an excuse. Nothing can excuse that. The book goes on to say that in the grim north, with its descending clouds of coal dust and sulphur and the never-ending din of hammers and mills, the northerners learned there was safety in numbers; there was common sense in keeping your head down and reassurance to be had from pessimism. Hence the mantra, ‘If you don’t expect too much, you won’t be disappointed.’ The coal dust has gone, the mills are silent and the sulphur from the iron works is drawing its last breath but pessimism and cynicism is alive and well. In Doncaster at least. Bumping into a long lost acquaintance a while back, talk turned to football. Rovers’ rise from the ashes of the Conference to the dizzy heights of the Championship via lofty stopoffs at the Millennium Stadium and Wembley hadn’t gone unnoticed.
‘I suppose it must go down as a golden age?’ my friend enquired. Well, you’d think so wouldn’t you? A visiting alien walking amongst us might think differently. If sci-fi films are to be believed, all flying saucers land on the lawns outside the White House in Washington but I guess it’s always possible that a message sent from billions of miles away to ‘land near the sunny White House’ could be misinterpreted as ‘land near the Donny Racecourse’. Under instruction to absorb earth culture, the little green man soon taps into the world of football and all things Doncaster Rovers and, after eating all of Paul Mayfield’s HobNobs, he does a Mr Spock Vulcan mind-meld on the unsuspecting Retford Rover. The little green man soon understands... Albert Jenkins, Belle Vue, the Town End clock, Alick Jeffrey, Lewis Guy; the works. He writes his report for the Alien King. His report states... ‘they were promoted twice under Dave Penney but supporters say he was tactically stubborn and a difficult man to get along with. Sean O’Driscoll won them a trophy and took them to the highest league position in more than 50 years and sustained it against the odds for a number of seasons but fans say he was overrated, has been found out since, and that the football was tippytappy and awful to watch. 20
‘Brian Flynn, took over at short notice - after a glory hunter left them in the lurch - and took them up as champions but I have it on good authority via the internet that he was a Jimmy Krankie-style buffoon who stumbled across the finishing line with a trophy in his pocket without really knowing what was going on. My conclusion is therefore that the great era of success of the new millennium must be down to the momentum created by someone called Steve Wignall. He is clearly a genius of the highest standing because Penney, O’Driscoll and Flynn were clearly incompetent idiots who got lucky over and over again.’
‘While he improved our attacking threat and made us more entertaining, it came at a cost – we shipped three or more goals 14 times.’ ‘Pace, energy and determination. The three characteristics that have been plastered all over the performances of Darren Ferguson’s reign.’ Rovers fans have made similar comments already, which is interesting since these quotations come from Peterborough and Preston supporters. Rather than roll out the welcome mat, a number of Rovers fans made a lot of Ferguson’s ‘failure’ at North End but many Preston fans were more sympathetic, pointing out that he arrived at a time when they had to halve the playing budget and were also subject to a transfer embargo during part of his tenure. Here’s another from Lancashire…
If the little green man comes back in a few years time I wonder what he’ll make of Darren Ferguson’s reign. Or, more to the point, what he’ll make of our begrudging re-written history of Darren Ferguson.
‘Under a different regime, it could have been a money’s worth, spectacular ride under Ferguson, assuming he would finally have got around to sorting the defensive frailties.’
It’s impossible to say what we’ll make of Ferguson the man. He is resolutely private, hiding behind a moated wall. Don’t waste time Googling him to find out about his hobbies, interests outside football or what makes him tick. I tried and failed massively, save for finding he is an Aquarius and was part owner of a gastropub called the Wicked Witch. Don’t bother looking for that either because it is closed now, which is a shame, because I really liked the sound of the pan seared scallops with apple puree, coriander cress and ginger.
That sounds familiar too. It’s early days for Ferguson but you sense you know what you’re going to get and you wouldn’t bet against him repeating his Peterborough achievements. Although years from now some Rovers fans will re-write history and suggest that any success was ‘down to the foundations laid by the misunderstood and underrated Paul Dickov’.
So, to the future. What chance is there that these quotations might appear in the alien’s updated report?
Typical. Miserable, ungrateful bloody northerners.
‘Ferguson was the first manager in a decade to give opportunities to youth products.’
JTM
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CONFERENCE CALLS JAMIE PATERSON IS THE LATEST PLAYER TO FEATURE IN CHRIS KIDD’S LOOK AT ROVERS’ CONFERENCE HEROES Jamie Paterson’s name will doubtless bring a smile to the face of any Rovers fan who saw him play. Not only was he a gifted player at Conference level, but what he lacked in height he more than made up for in personality. Paterson enjoyed more than three seasons at Belle Vue and got his Rovers career off to the best possible start, scoring on his debut; a 1-1 home draw with Nuneaton.
JAMIE PATERSON FACT FILE BORN: 26 APRIL, 1973 ROVERS APPEARANCES: ROVERS GOALS:
DEBUT: 19/08/2000 vs NUNEATON Indeed on the back of his good form during that season, Paterson was in the Rovers starting line-up for the Conference Play Off Final at Stoke; subbed in the 84th minute for Jason Blunt. The step up the following season would however prove a touch too far, and after featuring for Rovers just seven times after their return to the League, Paterson left for Barrow in October 2003.
Prior to joining Rovers Paterson had enjoyed two separate spells with Halifax Town, and it was during the latter of these that he caught the eye of Rovers’ management. It’s testament to how well Paterson duly performed for Rovers, that an article in the Doncaster Free Press from May 2002 described how he’d rejected overtures from other clubs to sign a new deal at Belle Vue. Interestingly the same article details Kevin McIntyre jumped ship to join Chester and also informs Rovers fans of Sunderland’s interest in Andy Watson. Having elected to stay, Paterson was a key component in Rovers’ push for promotion the next season; playing 20 league games for the club in the 200203 season weighing in with seven goals. One of Paterson’s most memorable games for Rovers was among them; THAT 5-2 Boxing Day victory at Scarborough. He and Robert Gill each finished the game with a brace, rubbing metaphorical McCain oven chips in the face of Paul Ellender in the process. That game remains one of my favourite Rovers memories and Paterson played a big part in it.
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As good a player as Paterson was, he was also well known for being the joker. Well-remembered is the time Paterson, whilst conversing with a referee after committing a foul, moved his arm behind the official and mimicked a winding up motion in full view of, and to great adulation from, those in the Main Stand. Another incident which sticks in the memory involved Paterson having his shirt pulled as he shielded the ball near the Town End at Belle Vue. When the referee eventually blew his whistle for the foul Paterson proceeded to take off his shirt and throw it at the opposing player; perhaps the written description doesn’t do it justice but it was pure Jamie Paterson. One for the Cult Hero Lounge I reckon. 22
CJK
MEMORABLE MEMORABILIA CONTINUING OUR FEATURE ON CHERISHED ROVERS OBJECTS; BRANDON HAZELWOOD AND HIS WEMBLEY SCARF Of course when us Rovers fans are asked to share our memories, we will no doubt think about THAT day at Wembley.
The majority of those fans will have walked down Wembley Way, where the scarf was purchased, and holding it above my head at the final whistle (thanks to that terrific bullet header by James Hayter) is a memory I’ll never forget. Not just me, but the sea of red and white supporters doing the same. It’s exactly what dreams are made of.
And so, the matchday scarf from that game, spread across my bedroom wall, is the piece of Doncaster Rovers memorabilia that sticks in my head the most.
Every time I look at it, it still holds huge significance to me. Not just a clothing accessory, instead to me it symbolises the togetherness of the team and how we have got through the many ups and downs since. Having all these avid fans around you is what it represents, and also the importance of Doncaster Rovers. It isn’t just a football club, it’s a family club. BH
Not that we need a reminder, but in May 2008 we visited Wembley for the first time and the League One PlayOff Final against our Yorkshire rivals Leeds United. Like many of you, I can remember it like it was yesterday, the sun blazing down on the 30,000 Rovers fans that had made the trip down to London to roar the team on.
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LAZARUS COMES FORTH OUR MAN LAZARUS REMAINS STEADFAST IN THE FACE OF A PUB BARRAGE OF ‘PROPER FOOTBALL’ I recently had a conversation that felt grimly familiar. It went something like this:
The guy nodded, becoming a little exasperated. Given that he’d asked the question prior to the Liverpool vs Manchester United game I suspect he was hoping I’d just settle on one side of that particular debate.
‘Who do you support?’ ‘Doncaster Rovers’ ‘No, I mean, don’t you support a proper team?’ ‘Yes’ ‘Who?’ ‘Doncaster Rovers.’
He prides himself on being a massive Liverpool fan, given that he’s from Finningley and has attended nearly a dozen of their matches since the turn of the century. A guy who proclaimed every incident involving Luis Suarez’s teeth was down to ‘an official conspiracy against us.’ At least until after his transfer, when he declared Suarez ‘has the wrong kind of attitude, and we don’t want him at our club.’
A swift roll of the eyes greeted this, one I’m sure anyone guilty of following a small club akin to The Likes Of Doncaster will recognise. As such, I thought I’d continue the conversation in the vein of what, had it been played out on the internet, would probably be referred to as trolling.
I decided to stoke the fire a little more.
‘I’m assuming you mean which Premier League team do I support, since the Premier League is the only thing that exists in proper football?’ ‘Yes’ ‘OK then, I guess I support Bournemouth’ ‘Oh, no, they don’t count’ ‘Why not?’ ‘I mean a proper Premier League team’ ‘They won the Championship last season’ ‘Yeah but that was a fluke. They’re not proper Premier League, they only get 11,000 crowds.’ ‘Oh, so you mean a popular team, not a Premier League team.’
‘Real Madrid’ ‘Oh, now you’re being awkward,’ he said, a complaint I grew immune to very early on in my childhood, as you may imagine. ‘Why? They’re massively popular worldwide’ ‘No-one gives a fuck about Spanish football, I’m on about the English game. Proper football’ As a dedicated follower of a lowerleague team, it’s hard to comprehend the levels of sycophancy and entitlement that go into this mindset. 24
Much as I’m able to enjoy the artistry of the beautiful game at its upper echelons, I can’t imagine how someone could take personally the fortunes of a club they have no real link with, and who are based hours away from home by car or train. In the case of this guy, the only reason he’s a Liverpool ‘fan’ is that he’s 40-ish, meaning when he was in his formative Primary school years, Liverpool had a habit of winning the League and European Cup a lot. By contrast, my memories of this period involve a lot of being laughed at for supporting a ‘rubbish’ team like Doncaster.
‘I don’t support anyone in the Premier League,’ I said, but then tried to sweeten it with, ‘but I’ll always root for the smaller club in every game.’ ‘That’s stupid. How can you not support one team more than the rest?’ ‘I do’ ‘Who, then?’ ‘Doncaster Rovers.’ Although by now he’d begun to cotton onto the fact I was winding him up, he continued, as if determined to win me over with whatever passes for logic on his planet.
‘All proper football fans have got to support Liverpool. We’re just a different class of club compared to the rest. We’ve got history, the philosophy, the following . . .’
That’s the kind of mentality restraining orders are made of.
‘Lots of clubs have history, philosophy, and following’ ‘Yeah but none of them are like us, are they? You’ve got the United scum who think they’re special but they’re nothing without Fergie. And their support’s all long-distance glory hunters rather than real fans.’ He made that statement without the slightest hint of irony, and it was at this point I thought to myself, I should write a fanzine article about this clown.
‘You’ve got the Chelsea scum, cheating bastards, all new money and hooliganism, like City, too, all new money and Mancs who don’t like the Glazers. Tottenham are alright, I suppose, for a load of Cockneys who never win anything.’ ‘What about Arsenal? I quite like Arsenal.’ (After all, Rovers once went through a halcyon phase in the O’Driscoll era of being described as the ‘Arsenal of the north’, although I always preferred to think of Arsenal as the ‘Doncaster of the south’) ‘Arsenal? Seriously? They’re shit.’ And there you have it, flawless logic that of the six teams in the world that exist, only Liverpool can seriously be the preferred choice of ‘proper football’ fans. The other 86 teams in the League are of no relevance, ditto all non-league clubs, or any clubs in Europe.
This footballing equivalent of the royal ‘we’ is strange. Is it really appropriate to use for a team you’ve essentially only ever watched on TV or read about in the press? Isn’t it a bit like claiming to be a close personal It’d be laughable but for the fact this friend of Jennifer Lawrence, just on way of thinking is becoming all too the basis that you’ve seen all her commonplace. movies? 25
KEEPMOAT KRUSHES al
LAZARUS COMES FORTH CONTINUED FROM PAGES 24 & 25
This insular, Premier League-centric tunnel vision, perpetuated by the TV billions and the 24/7 echo chamber of nonsense that passes for modernday football journalism, has bred a growing generation of armchair fans who talk at great length without ever actually saying anything.
Valentines
Speci
LADY looking at the new kit designs at the Meet the Owners event. I’d love to design you a Valentines Day card. Obviously I’d play around with the format a bit because plain hearts are a bit boring, we have them every year. How about a red heart with white bands that get progressively smaller, and a blue outline? And some unnecessary pin-stripes? Lad with Photoshop
Much as someone from Finningley can wax lyrical about how the Miracle of Istanbul was the greatest night of his life, albeit one only viewed on TV, I know in my heart of hearts that it must pale in comparison to the unadulterated, stomach-churning ecstasy of Sir Francis Tierney’s golden goal at the Britannia.
DAMP angry guy who left the Crewe game in the 90th minute. I’d love to fill you in. And tell you all that you missed. Handsome scarf wearer
Epilogue to this – the Liverpool vs Manchester United game transpired to be one of the dullest things I’ve ever seen, and I witnessed the bits of the Rovers vs Fleetwood game that never made it to YouTube.
OLD FLAME standing in the away dugout at the Walsall game. I thought I’d never see you again, but there you were once more. How I’ve missed your mumbling. Care to join me for a tea sometime? Thermos Lady: West Stand
Initial reaction from Finningley was anger at how the United scum had cheated, and how the FA always made sure decisions went against Liverpool. This anger has since given way to a kind of snarling glee at the alleged United ‘crisis’, buoyed by the recent Miracle at Carrow Road further enshrining Jurgen Klopp as his new Lord and Saviour.
BLONDE bombshell who used to wow me with your dazzling long yellow hair every time you took the field. I loved your alternative ways, and how you refused to be drawn into mainstream activities like scoring goals, and running around. Your number 9 shirt has now been taken by some shavenheaded fella. It just isn’t the same. Come back please love. Short-sighted guy: East Stand
Give me a cold Tuesday night at the Keepmoat any day. It might not be glamorous, live on Sky Sports, or ‘proper football’, but at least it’s real, and that still means something.
CRAIG Alcock. I was hoping you’d let me know how you got your surname? Hopeful lady: South Stand
DJL 26
REMEMBERING THE FIRST TIME FORMER ROVERS MEDIA MANAGER STEVE UTTLEY SHARES HIS FIRST MEMORIES OF BELLE VUE My first task was to audit the IT equipment but after a break in the week before many of the computers had now gone. Then I was told no-one could find the software needed to reinstall the new computers. I sat there and wondered what on earth I’d let myself in for!!
I remember my days at Belle Vue very clearly as they left a mark on my life for good. In 2000 I received a call from then Media Manager Peter Tuffrey, who I knew well, to come and look at the IT and web side of Rovers’ very early media set-up, as Chairman John Ryan wanted it bringing up to scratch. I’d been to Belle Vue with a very good friend in the 1970s, but never thought I would work there.
My first game came the following week, a friendly against Hull City. I was given VIP passes for the Directors’ guest lounge and stood against the bar next to a very friendly guy who I was to learn was a legend at the club. That man was Alick Jeffrey, who was soon to leave this world, but on that day he made me very welcome. Going out to our seats I found we were in a small enclosed area in the Main Stand, which would become the press box when we got back into the League. It may have had a very run-down look to it, but, sold by John Ryan’s dream, I could also see this was something of a sleeping giant. I was to go on to watch Rovers over 800 times after this, but that first game sticks in my mind.
My first meeting was in the old portacabins in front of the Main Stand with Peter and the Chief Executive. It was quite a shock to see how Rovers had fallen down the football ladder in the wake of the previous chairman destroying the fabric of the club, but John Ryan and the Chief Executive sold me their vision and I agreed to give them one day a week and games to start with. The next week brought my first day at Rovers - I never envisaged I would still be there 15 years later with the team in the Championship. The club had an air of depressed non-league about it, but the staff were optimistic and generally upbeat about the coming season. I was given a room with Safety Officer Albert Paget; I stepped in and put my foot through a hole in the floor in a hole that’d been hidden by my desk.
I spent some of the best days of my life at the club, travelling the length and breadth of the country, but it was always nice to be back at Belle Vue. The ground became my home and I spent some good and some tough times with fantastic people like Tony Bluff, Barry Watson and Maz Ahmed.
SU 27
JACK’S CRAIC EXILED DOWN SOUTH, JACK PEAT KNOWS THE NORTH-SOUTH DIVIDE ALL TOO WELL One of the most taxing aspects of being a Yorkshire exile down south is that as soon as you open your mouth you become a target for abuse. Sitting through the daily ritual of Jimmy Funny-Fucker’s imitation of a northern accent takes its toll, and you soon realise that no matter how many times you tell him to ‘fuck off ’, the ‘posh shandy-swilling prawn sandwichmunching silver spooned southern fairy’, he doesn’t seem physically able to stop. England has long been a nation of two halves, which enjoy something of a love/hate relationship. Southerners love themselves and northerners hate them for it. But the chasm that exists between the North and the South has seldom been as pronounced. This year’s GCSE results show 4.7 percentage points more pupils in the south achieved five good GCSEs while most of the underperforming authorities were in the north. Economically, George Osborne’s pledge to create a Northern Powerhouse has been undermined time and time again by data, most recently an ONS study that showed the average economic value of Londoners is twice that of people in the north of England.
Whitehall’s zero fucks policy towards the North was most notably demonstrated by the recent flooding devastation. The Yorkshire Evening Post, in a rare balls-out moment of proper fourth estate journalism, held the government to account on the floods in Leeds, rightly pointing out that such collateral damage would be ‘unthinkable’ in London or the south-east. A senior official warned the government a mere two months before the floods that budget cuts would lead to the scrapping of defences in Yorkshire, yet with flood protection concentrated in the Conservatives’ southern heartland, the £5 billion worth of damage was somewhat inevitable. While the power and influence of the south of Britain grows, its geographical catchment is actually shrinking. In geographic terms, the line that divides the north from the south of Britain lies somewhere around York, making us Doncastrians shameful southerners. Yet factor in everything else – health, wealth, happiness – and the line lies as far south as the Forest of Dean in Gloucestershire.
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That’s what researchers from the University of Sheffield found when they produced a map of the NorthSouth dividing line for an exhibition at Salford’s Lowry Gallery. The work tucked all of Wales, Northern Ireland, most of the Midlands and certainly everything above that into ‘the north’, highlighting the island-like nature of London and the South East of England.
Language is also quite important. As Alan Bennett rightly points out, the North enjoys their own language which many southerners believe to be ‘a dirty dishcloth sort of accent’. But it isn’t. The structure of the sentences is different and in many ways it is quite complex. ‘It’s good that is’. The South is far more of a collective accent, whereas in all other regions of Britain the native tongue varies wildly. Like good old Jimmy Funny Fucker from the office, this is often the aspect outsiders pick on the most.
Although most Welsh folk, or Brummies, wouldn’t necessarily associate themselves as being ‘northern’, there is a collective outlook on life shared by most folk north of Gloucestershire. Simon Armitage and Sue Roberts recently weighed in on the debate in two separate Radio 4 shows aired in ‘96 and ‘97 respectively. Inviting honorary Northerners, most of them exiled, and a few outsiders to weigh in, they collected thoughts and opinions on the matter.
But for me, the Northern mentality is what defines us the most. We’re separated from those shandy swilling bastards because we know to put our hand in our pocket at the pub when it’s our turn. We’re different because we look after our own and we don’t look for a capital return on everything we do. We might not speak the Queen’s English, double barrel our surnames or pull on salmon pink chinos and tweed everything, Or wash our hands with Molton Brown handwash. But at least there is no pretence. We are what we are and you get what you get. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
One caller noted that ‘the North starts when you look out of a train window and you see a lot of terraced streets’. The Coronation Street perception of those who live down south is one that was picked up by John Braine, who added that in drama, often only the harsher aspects of the northern landscape are deemed essential. His film Room at the Top features ‘the high chimneys, the smoke-blackened stone buildings and precarious cobbled streets’, but tactfully omits the ‘clear river effervescent with fish, the woods and pastures encircling the town.’
The day I really knew I was out of my comfort zone down south is when a friend, well, more of an acquaintance, rang me up to offer me a ticket in a box at Twickenham for ‘the rugger’. I mulled it over for a moment, thanked him for the generous offer, and replied: ‘What did you put it in a box for?’ Silly get. JP
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THE GARY BRABIN MEMORIAL LOUNGE JAMES McMAHON CAN’T GET INTO ROVERS CURRENTLY, BUT HE CAN GET INTO WRESTLING... HE (SORT OF) EXPLAINS Another issue. Another month where I struggle to have any interest in contemporary football. This, long-term, may well be problematic to the future of this column, but I’ve felt like this before, and I’ve always got sucked right back in. I’ve booked my train to Rochdale in April and everything, so there’s perhaps hope for me yet. As ever, you’ll be the first to know. The time I would normally spend watching football has been filled with a variety of other pursuits. I got the new Xbox and I’ve been enjoying throwing grenades at bears in and around the bleak wastelands of Tomb Raider. And, in an attempt to put my socks on without cracking a rib, I’ve been running. Oh, and I’ve found myself having a renewed interesting in professional wrestling. Trying to explain pro-wrestling to people who aren’t versed in its culture, is a little bit like trying to explain the taste of egg to someone whose never consumed an omelette. I experience the former regularly with my live-in girlfriend. The stumbling block, I’ve found, is her inability to understand that it’s a sport, but the results are predetermined. At this point, I will normally say, ‘yeah, but so are the Rocky movies. Or the Mighty Ducks boxset we sometimes watch during rainy weekends’.
But she’s not buying it. And I’m not sure, had I not been groomed by the colourful characters of the WWF in childhood, I would be convinced myself, going in now, deep into my thirties. Let me trying explaining its appeal in another way. Most wrestling matches are battles between good guys (babyfaces) and bad guys (heels). So imagine there’s a tag team tournament. The heels are Ken ‘The Firestarter’ Richardson, and Mark ‘The Lieutenant’ Weaver. They’re a mean bunch, no question. But it’s a pretty equally balanced fight. The babyfaces, see, are John ‘The Narcissist’ Ryan and James ‘The Franchise’ Coppinger. Decade long top dogs. And yet they’re not duking it out for the heavyweight title. Oh no. The good guys are fighting for the right for Rovers to play just one season in conventional red and white hoops, without some bozo in marketing deciding to add a slash to the shoulder or some shit. And the bad guys? Well, they’ve got their heavies (or ‘stable’, to use wrestling speak) at ringside to back up their evil schemes. And so, as the Geordie duo, dressed in combat gear, swing their cans of gasoline (‘illegal objects’), the two sides go to war in the ring. It’s a thrilling bout, including chair shots all round, and, from The Lieutenant, a couple of ‘low blows’ to The Franchise. 30
Only about 4,000 of them, mind, much to Ryan’s disappointment (later, in a backstage TV segment, he will berate the fans for showing affection to the Leeds United stable). But remember! He’s still in it! And he’s hulking up, striding around the ring with a wild look in his eye. The Firestarter begins to back off. He’s rattled.
All men are knocked to the floor repeatedly (‘taking bumps’), before Ryan starts to flee up the aisle… in the direction of the Isle Of Man, obviously. Richardson throws Ryan back in the ring, where he climbs up to the top turnbuckle. He’s about to perform a high flying aerial move upon the hated Firestarter, spread eagle, lying in the center of the ring. The crowd is on their feet. And then, just as Ryan is about to make his assent, in comes some outside interference. Running down the aisle from the bac’. It’s… it’s… OH MA GAWD… it’s Willie ‘The Experimentalist’ McKay! And he’s flanked by his muscle; Chimbonda and Piquionne!
Ryan launches himself at Richardson, chopping his chest with the palm of his hand. ‘Wooooo’ shout the crowd. Richardson falls to the floor, his hands covering his face, his face a vision of cowardly terror. Ryan halls him up, Coppinger throws his teammate the ring bell, which Ryan kicks into place between his own legs. Then, in one swift movement, The Narcissist drives Richardson face down, hard, onto it. He’s seeing stars. He’s seeing Prince Moncrieffe. It’s a move – a dreaded move at that – spoken of with hushed reverence across the industry. The Firestarter is the latest victim of The Bell View. Ryan and Coppinger celebrate with Donny Dog as confetti falls from the roof of the building.
While The Franchise is going toe-to-toe with Weaver outside the ring, Ryan is looking vulnerable inside. Richardson and McKay high five each other. Then, in an unbelievably hellish turn of events, they take a Doncaster Rovers pendant, hold it up to the crowd, and set fire to it. The crowd boos, but it looks like it’ll be a night to remember for the bad guys. Richardson hooks his arm around the prone Ryan’s thigh, holds his shoulders to the ground, and the referee begins the count to three.
Be honest, look deeply, is it any wonder I can’t find it in myself to get excited about Colchester away, when I’ve got that shit at the flick of a button?
Yet just before he can count the third number, Ryan’s shoulder lifts itself free of the mat. The crowd goes wild.
See you soon. I’ll be the one flexing my pecs in the Black Bank.
JM
BERNARD GLOVER’S BELIEVE IT or NOT After leaving Doncaster Rovers, goalkeeper Willie Nimmo invented the game KerPlunk 31
FROM BENEATH THE STATUE EDITOR GLEN WILSON TRIES TO GET TO GRIPS WITH A PREMIER LEAGUE THAT HAS BECOME WATCHABLE Rather disappointingly Chelsea appear to have stumbled towards something approaching stability, but despite this set-back I’ve found myself hanging about. I’ve still not felt the need to watch Sky in any of its guises, but I have discovered a Match of the Day that has, in my absence, become vaguely watchable. Alan Shearer has finally bothered to learn his trade, Ian Wright’s taken off his jester’s hat, Mark Lawrenson has buggered off; Danny Murphy, Kevin Kilbane and Jermaine Jenas are all remarkably welcome in their welcome unremarkableness.
Every now and again I’ll be introduced to a person who likes football, and be expected to have something in common with them. It’s a not unreasonable assumption, but then football - like music and film is a many splintered thing. Would you introduce a fan of Funk & Soul to a Directioner and expect them to bond over music? Probably not, and so conversation between the other football fan and I will inevitably hit an insurmountable stumbling block when I profess to not watching the Premier League. ‘Why not?’ Well, it’s all just noise for screaming teenagers isn’t it? I prefer something with soul.
It’s not perfect – you still have to mute Jonathan Pearce and listen to John Motson’s unfortunate onset of senility; something which was brilliantly described in When Saturday Comes as if Motson was bouncing on a trampoline trying to commentate on a game take place in a neighbour’s garden – but at least I’ve ceased throwing shoes at the television.
But then this season, my world has been blown of its smug alternative axis. I’ve found myself watching the Premier League. And not passively either, not just a glance at the television screen in the barbers, no I’ve even read the results on the back of the morning papers, without first thumbing backwards ever backwards for the ever diminishing Football League coverage.
And then there’s Leicester City. I don’t need to tell you that Leicester’s Premier League season is a notable one; you can see it and read it for yourself. They are defying all collected logic, and so the broadsheets have long run out of squad players to celebrate as the ‘unsung heroes of Leicester’s unlikely title challenge’.
I suspect my interest was initially peaked by schadenfreude; I mean who wouldn’t stick their head over the fence to see Jose Mourinho descend ever further into paranoia, or to see John Terry’s world collapsing in on itself? 32
But even here, in arguably the most commercialised sport on the planet, the worth of competition above the interests of the few is held high. The NFL has long realised that the more teams that are capable of winning the league, then the greater the national interest; so the worse teams have the pick of the best new players in the draft, and merchandise is centrally controlled to ensure a more evenly distributed wealth. For a country so staunchly capitalist it is a remarkably communist system, the result of which is nine different Superbowl winners in the last ten years.
The accepted notion now is that fans of all other clubs outside the Premier League’s upper reaches, are willing Leicester to win the league, but it is not because ‘we love an underdog’ as is often reported, it is because we hate to see the rich and successful prosper unchallenged. Since its very inception the Premier League has been established to serve a minority of clubs; its inherent elitism fuelled annually by distributing the ludicrous sums thrown at it by television on a sliding scale so as to ensure the rich get richer. The Premier League has never once purported to be competitive or open, instead it has focussed on being the best, and having the best – a claim itself based on balance sheets and audience figures rather than the actual product. It has centred its entire marketing on a handful of top clubs who’s ever increasing riches have left them adrift from the rest of the league, and the rest of reality.
There is no entertainment in monotony. The biggest sports league in the world, the NFL, realises this, and has shown there is much greater entertainment in parity, but all the while the Premier League has stuck its fingers in its collective ears and continued to greedily chase the pound signs, cheered on all the way by the obsequious sycophantism of Sky Sports’ and their championing of Deadline Day. That this season’s Premier League has become vaguely watchable is very much by chance rather than design. Leicester City are succeeding not because of the Premier League, but in spite of it.
Money, and a lack of conception of reality are also inherent in American Football’s Superbowl, or as you might be more familiar with it, that one Monday each year when some prick in the office comes into work bleary eyed, talking about ‘the greatest show on earth’ and pretending they have the vaguest notion of what ‘Fourth and eight’ means. Now, it’s easy to scoff at American sport, when teams are franchises that can be upped and moved at the league’s discretion, and where the actual sports have been increasingly mangled and adapted to suit advertisers and television audience.
Whether Leicester triumph or not, we can hope that they have at least opened the eyes of the Premier League executives to the merits in a competition that expands beyond ‘the traditional big four’. And if they haven’t, well I guess I’ll just have to go back to disappointing my new acquaintances and Saturday nights shoe-horning Robot Wars references into tweets about Jonathan Pearce. 33
WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND IF YOU WANT TO BE A RECORD BREAKER, DEDICATION’S WHAT YOU NEED... AND DUTCH UNCLE TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT If you were to ask an average English football fan about Doncaster Rovers, they would probably mumble something about an archetypical northern Football League club, normally to be found in the lower divisions, often confused with Darlington (at least by those who deem Watford Gap services the beginning of the North), certainly a club with no real pretensions to any all-time Football League records. Well in actual fact, the truth makes this picture appear not unlike the ‘What have the Romans ever done for us?’ sketch in Monty Python’s ‘The Life of Brian’. The more knowledgeable and slightly older fan might remember Belle Vue as having the largest playing surface in the Football League (until Billy Bremner insisted on it being narrowed), and also being the only League ground with aircraft navigation lights. Much older fans might remember Belle Vue hosting the first ‘modern’ floodlit match in the north of England, a friendly against Hibernian in 1952, four years before the League match was played under floodlights. (‘Modern’ here would mean ignoring the experiments at Bramall Lane in 1878. However, there are some very real Football League records which Doncaster Rovers can lay claim to.
In general the epithet ‘when we are good we are very, very good, but when we are bad we are horrid’ would seem to apply. When we have a good season we tend to win a championship; of the 175 league title up for grabs at tier three and four (since the inception of the third division in 1921) Rovers have won seven of them. More than any other club; pitching the club just ahead of Chesterfield’s six, and the five lifted by each of Brentford, Brighton, Notts County and Plymouth. More dramatically, Rovers can actually lay claim to both the best ever and worst ever Football League seasons.
Best Football League season ever?
In 1946-47, the first Football League season after the Second World War, Rovers played a total of 42 matches in the old Division 3 North, won 33 of them, drew six and lost only three. This gave a total of 72 points with the old system of two points for a win, or the equivalent of 105 points if three points for a win are used. Is this the best league season ever? Well it is certainly the best league season by any Football League team ever when 42 or more matches were played. Rovers’ points total of 72 (at two per win at an average of 1.714 points per game) or 105 (at three per win at an average of 2.500 points per game) hasn’t been equalled in a 42 match season. 34
Only Lincoln City (1975-76: 74 points at two per win, 106 at three), Sunderland (1988-99: 105 points at three per win, or 74 points at two) and Reading (2005-06: 106 points at three per win, or 75 points at two) have beaten the Rovers points totals set in 1946-47, but each team played more matches, meaning a lower points per game average.
Although Rovers and Loughborough share this lowest ever points per game average using two points per win, converting to three points per win would mean Loughborough had a lower average. Derby nearly ‘beat’ this record in 2007-08, with their final tally of 11 points in the Premier League being the equivalent of 10 points at two per win.
Prior to the First World War the number of games in a Football League season varied between 22 and 38. Rovers’ points per games averages were beaten on three occasions, but of course no reached 72 points. So it is tempting to say Rovers have the outright best season record in the 100 years since the Football League reached full size.
What is (nearly) indisputable is that in 1997-98 we also set the lowest number of points in a full 46 match season with just 20 (the equivalent of 16 at two per win). That season included a record of 34 defeats - the worst ever by any club in a Football League season.
Furthermore - the very very good In the aforementioned 1946-47 season, the 33 games won by Rovers set a Football League record for most league victories in a season, which is still yet to be equalled.
Sadly there is one irritating flaw in that argument; Chelsea. In 2004-05 they played 38 Premier League games and gained 95 points for a points per game average of 2.500 at three per win - equal to Rovers in 194647. However at two points per win Chelsea would have won 66 points at an average of 1.737 per game, and so broken Rovers long standing record. Who says money never buys success?
Rovers’ away record that season was incredible; 18 wins, one draw and two defeats. This represents 1.76 points per game at two per win, or 2.62 points per game at three per win. This is the best ever away record in any Football League season by either method of reckoning.
The worst Football League season ever?
Rovers have not one, but two seasons that have some claim to being the Football League’s worst. In 1904-05, using two points for a win, Rovers (jointly with Loughborough 18991900) set the record for fewest points in a Football League season, a mere eight points in 34 games.
The nearest challengers are Chelsea (2004-05: won 15, drew three and lost one), Arsenal (2001-02: won 14, drew five, lost zero), Preston North End (1888-89: won eight, drew three and lost zero), and MK Dons (2007-08: won 18, drew three, lost two); the only side to match Rovers’ 18 away victories in a Football League season. 35
WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND CONTINUED FROM PAGES 34 AND 35 In 1946-47 Rovers scored 123 goals and conceded only 40 for a goal difference of +83. This is the second highest ever in the Football League, beaten only by Bradford City with +85 in Division 3 North in 1928-29. The third highest is Millwall with +77 in 1927-28, and a goal difference of +70 or more has only been achieved 7 times in total, most recently by Chelsea in 2009-10.
Rovers record of 10 wins, five draws and eight defeats represented a return of 1.522 points per game at three points per win, or the equivalent of 1.087 points per game at two points per win. Everton’s 1914-15 Division 1 title provides the only occasion when a team came close to this. Everton gained eight wins, five draws and six defeats in their 19 home games played that season. This represented a return of 1.526 points per game (at three points per win), or the equivalent of 1.105 points per game at two points per win. Of course it could be said that Everton had the minor distraction of the Great War running in parallel to their season.
The horrid
In 1904-05 Rovers away record was played 17, lost 17. Clearly this cannot be beaten as the worst ever away record by a Football League club. It has been equalled by Northwich Victoria (14 defeats in 1893-94), Crewe Alexandra (15 defeats in 189495), Loughborough (17 defeats in 1899-1900) and Nelson (21 defeats in 1930-31).
And the weird
When Rovers were promoted to the Championship in 2007-08 the club’s leading goalscorer in league games had just seven goals (James Hayter, Paul Heffernan, and Jason Price). This equals the lowest leading scorer in league matches for a promoted side, since at least 1969-70 (when Rothmans/Sky annuals began), and possibly all time.
The 117 goals conceded by Rovers in 1966-67is the most by any club in a single Football League season since the World Cup final of 1966. The club also holds the record for the worst goal difference in a League season since World War II with -83 (30 scored, 113 conceded) in 199798. This is the third worst ever, behind Rochdale’s -87 of 1931-32, and Darwen’s emphatic -119 of 1898-99.
Two other teams who have equalled this since 1969-70, and interestingly both featured future Rovers players; Mark Sale top scored for Colchester United with seven in 1997-98, and in 1999-2000 Jason Price scored six for Swansea City, one behind leading scorer Steve Watkin, thus just missing out on a truly unique double!
The bad with the good
When Doncaster won the League One title in season 2012-13, they did so with the worst home record of any Football League championship winning side ever. 36
And play on they did, for a further 113 minutes, until – with many of the players who has worked the night before dead on their feet - the match had to be abandoned due to darkness. Even the referee had collapsed with cramp. A replay was hastily arranged for three days later at Belle Vue which Rovers won 4-0, before their exhausted team lost to Rotherham United a few days later in the next round.
First Penalty Shootout?
In the 1970s the penalty shoot-out made its first encroachment into English football. Initially seen in preseason tournaments, such as the 1970 Watney Cup, the 1974 Charity Shield and the short-lived FA Cup third place play-off of 1971-72, it was then formally introduced to competitive competition with the 1976-77 League Cup. In the first round of that season’s competition Rovers faced Lincoln City and after two initial draws the clubs met at Nottingham Forest’s City Ground for a deciding third tie. This too finished level and so the game moved on to penalties, with Rovers triumphing 3-2 to become the first club to win a shoot-out in competitive fixture.
Most replays in an FA Cup tie?
Rovers also share the record for the most matches in an FA Cup tie (excluding qualifying rounds). In 1954-55 Rovers needed five matches to defeat First Division opponents Aston Villa in a fourth round tie. The last two replays were on consecutive days and perhaps unsurprisingly Rovers were duly defeated in the next round at Birmingham City a mere four days later. Rovers share this record with Stoke and Bury (also 1954-55), Chelsea and Burnley (1955-56), Hull and Darlington (1960-61, with one of the replays staged at Belle Vue), and Arsenal and Sheffield Wednesday (1978-79).
Longest match?
It is widely reported that Rovers played in the longest ever competitive football match against Stockport County. However, contrary to wider belief this was not a Football League match, but a Division 3 North War Cup first round tie, second leg. The first leg at Belle Vue had been drawn 2-2, and after 90 minutes at Stockport’s Edgeley Park the second leg also stood at 2-2. The rules of the competition stated that in the event of a two-legged tie, then extra time would be played, and if the scores were still level after that, play would continue in sudden death fashion until one side scored.
Most lower league titles, best season, worst season, most wins, most defeats, longest match, most replays, not to mention the more complicated - what was it again that the Romans did for us?
BW
Caveat - no figures quoted in this article are official. Dutch Uncle uses many sources including club handbooks, Rothmans/Sky annuals, and best of all The Official Rovers History by Bluff & Watson. For definitive data the reader is referred to Tony Bluff and/or Barry Watson.
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REG IPSA: LEGAL BEAGLE GOT A PROBLEM NO-ONE ELSE CAN HELP WITH? TRY ASKING THEM AGAIN, THEN MAYBE CALL REG IPSA HOLDING OUT FOR A HAIR-O Dear Reg, The missus has started doing a hairdressing course at Donny College. Which is great, but they practice on each other. The perm she’s been left with makes her look like Colin Douglas. We were supposed to be going fishing to Goole for Valentines this weekend, but the lads will just take the mick. Any advice? Terry Sorry, Wadworth
REG RESPONDS I loiter round the College most lunchtimes. What? There’s no law against that. Least I think not. Anyway, I’ve seen your wife. Can I suggest you give her a cheap bowler hat and a cane. She can pass as Paul Nicholas and can knock out a few choruses of ‘Grandma’s Party’.
PER-FUMING Dear Reg, I’ve recently moved jobs from the abattoir to selling perfume in the town. However, they’re all skinny things here and the manager sys I’ll have to wait a few months for a uniform that fits. In the meanwhile I am working on the shop floor in an XXXL pink velour tracksuit with ‘Gold Digga’ sewn across my back end. The others keep taking the mick, playing the Mr Blobby song whenever I walk past. Can I claim discrimination for a bit of compo? Steve Jeavons, Mexborough
REG RESPONDS I can knock up a snotty letter to get them to hurry up a bit. When they do I’ll have that tracksuit off you, as Steve Evans lives up the road. Any chance of a discount on some Hai Karate? 38
CAREERS ADVICE Dear Reg, My son leaves school in June this year unless he gets kicked out first. He doesn’t do owt Reg, he just sits around picking his nose, looking at his phone and only gets up when he needs feeding. He’s only keen on part-time work and only for a few hours at a time. I’m at a loss... any suggestions? Elvis Flange, Edenthorpe
REG RESPONDS The only job suitable for that skill set is as a ball boy at the Rovers. Or failing that I suppose he could always try and become a Member of Parliament.
HB