EDITORIAL Atmosphere, much like Russ Abbott, I love a party with a happy atmosphere. I realise this goes against the grain for many of the poor mournful grumblers I’ve found myself nearby at Rovers matches over the years, but ultimately I go to football to enjoy it. I experience enough heartache, misery and despair in my everyday life as it is (I work for a housing charity and have to commute across London before you ask), without spending my Saturday afternoons in a solemn funk as well. If I wanted to fork out twenty quid to endure two hours feeling depressed, bored and regretful I’d just go back to the cinema and see Gone Girl a second and third time. The atmosphere at the Keepmoat is, as we know, not the liveliest. It has its moments don’t get me wrong, but more often than not the ground contains all the passion and joie de vivre of sorting out the recycling of a Monday evening – we’re there doing it simply because it needs to be done; going through the motions of being a football crowd.
So, how do you change this? How do we liven things up? How do we rock the Keepmoat to its much fabled adaptive expansion pilings? We should – we’re told – bring back standing. An idea I’ve never quite got behind, for as much as I like standing at football, I am not sure I subscribe to the notion that by simply taking out the seats we’ll intrinsically turn the South Stand into some kind of mash-up of the fearsome North Stand at Red Star Belgrade’s ‘Marakana’ and the Notting Hill Carnival. The thing is, ultimately you don’t need to be standing to have a good time (…ladies). And besides, the draw of being on a terrace was rarely the atmosphere, which was often as patchy at Belle Vue as it is now in the all-seater Keepmoat. No, instead the appeal was the freedom you had to move somewhere else should you wish to escape a particularly irritating fan (yes, we mean ‘The Coach’), or avoid the odour of morning-after beer farts emanating from hungover Rovers.
CONTENTS: ISSUE 72 05. 07. 09. 10. 11. 14. 16. 19. 20. 22.
The Bernard Glover Diaries Spotted Tweet Disposition Sounding the Belles Support Work The Sack Race Voice of the Pop Side It’s the Donny R’sonists Gary Brabin Memorial Lounge Remembering the First Time
23. 24. 27. 28. 29. 30. 33. 34. 36. 39.
Flow-Rider Go Away! Laws of the Game Jack Peat Theo-Logical Unsung Heroes Reg Ipsa: Legal Beagle Jack the Miner’s Coal Face Windmills of Your Mind Paul Dickov Mood Chart
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How about pyro? Because, you know, no pyro no party, as those who’ve obviously attended more dangerous christenings and more eventful golden wedding anniversaries than the rest of us, are of a want to suggest. Yes, flares can add to the visual spectacle of a match, when all are subscribed to their presence, but the reality of smoke or fireworks at a Rovers game is a far cry from the Galatasary UltrAslan, and more in tune with the image of a doctors surgery; coughing, spluttering and complaints about asthma. Of course they’re also illegal, and dangerous, and will bring a fine to the club. And you can have all the pyro in the world, but you’re still going to struggle to make a pre-season friendly at Lincoln feel much of a party. Ultimately, they’re just not worth it. So, if we can’t chuck the seats in a skip, or smuggle in knock-off fireworks up our trouser legs, then I guess we can kiss goodbye to having an atmosphere. We may as well sit with our hands in our pockets and politely applaud at full-time like a theatre audience. Right? Wrong. Other teams are managing it, that seemingly fanciful idea of making noise in seats without fire is being done by Crystal Palace, and by Wales too. Earlier this month I attended Wales’ two home qualifying matches against Bosnia & Herzegovina and Cyprus. Two games which in recent years would’ve guaranteed half-empty stands a raft of drop-outs and a sense of inevitable doom. Not this time. Ok, the drop-outs came (this is still Wales after all), but the rest did not. The stadium was full. The mood optimistic. And the ground absolutely jumping. It was the most electrifying atmosphere I have been part of at football in years, but how had it happened?
Togetherness. Since the start of the year the message from the FA of Wales has been ‘together, stronger’ – their own bastardisation of the team motto Gorau Chwarae Cyd Chwarae (The best play is team play). The idea that we can overachieve if we all buy in to it. And it has been bought into – unselfishly and collectively by the fans and the players alike. The latter look like they care and they feeed off the crowd, and the crowd feed off the players because of this. The message has been drummed home – together stronger. The biggest barrier to our own atmosphere therefore is not seats, nor safety restrictions, but an inherent selfishness that permeates through our support. There is little concession to fellow fans; those who suffer asthma or need to sit down are othered as barriers, rather than seen as fellow fans to be included. If we are to be together, stronger then we need to stop vilifying objection and instead look for mutual respect and occasional concession. If we pull together, as fans, as a club, rather than spending our Saturdays complaining and jostling and pitching ourselves against ourselves then hopefully we’ll all be able to enjoy that happy atmosphere. Viva Rovers!
GW
Before I bugger off, may I thank you, as ever, for purchasing popular STAND. The fanzine is becoming an increasing strain to produce each issue, and so your support is greatly appreciated. We were this month nominated for the FSF Fanzine of the Year Award. We won’t win - as we don’t have a designer or glossy ads for ‘casual clothing’ - but it was nice to be acknowledged. Thank you.
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THE BERNARD GLOVER DIARIES CUP UPSETS, CUP EXITS, TEDIUM, JOY AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN. HERE WE RECAP ALL THAT’S BEEN GOING ON SINCE OUR LAST ISSUE. SATURDAY 23 AUGUST COLCHESTER UNITED 0-1 ROVERS
TUESDAY 26 AUGUST WATFORD 1-2 ROVERS
Yet again, away game equals away win. Is it too late to rent out the Keepmoat Stadium, reverse all our home games, and treat League One as an extended UK tour? In an opening half you would be optimistic to describe as dull chances spanned from fleeting to non-existent, but impressively, in a half devoid of all momentum, the referee still managed to disrupt the flow of the game.
A cup upset in name, but not in character. Rovers, confident in attack and cool and collected to a man, brushed Watford aside to notch our first ever away win in the League Cup achieved beyond the first round [cheers Dutch Uncle]. Rovers went ahead after 12 minutes; in a far and distant corner of the field Furman bludgeoned his way through two lost causes to keep play alive. He fed Bennett who skipped and turned until Gabriel Tamas did what Tamas does and nonchalantly felled him. Nathan Tyson with the penalty; 1-0.
The second half was, mercifully, much improved as Jamie Coppinger put down his newspaper, and decided he may as well run this show if no-one else was going to bother. A neat layoff here, a play-opening pass there, Coppinger justified the cost of my ticket with every touch of the ball. And it was one of these many deft touches – along with Dean Furman’s industriousness – which kept play alive for Kyle Bennett to neatly drop the shoulder, move into a gap and wallop the only goal into the bottom corner. It could and should’ve been won by more, with Rovers’ own complacency a much bigger threat to dropped points here, than Colchester ever managed to muster. A win is a win though, and whilst I’m not one to demand board investment, there are 23 months left on Coppinger’s contract. Surely that’s enough time for Terry Bramall to invest in the science needed to make Copps immortal.
Watford levelled, but never got going and in the second half Rovers retook the lead; Paul Keegan to Jamie Coppinger, a deft touch with a hitherto unused part of the foot and Furman was in, a low pull-back, beneath Marc De Val and stroked home by Liam Wakefield with the sort of finish the word aplomb was invented for. There was no hanging on, instead came sensible, progressive ball retention and chances to wrap things up including Keegan rifling in his annual disallowed goal. Neat, tidy and through. On the way out the ground I overheard a couple of fellas talking: ‘Who do you want in the next round?’ ‘I couldn’t care less, just so long as it’s away from home.’
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SATURDAY 30 AUGUST ROVERS 0-2 OLDHAM ATHLETIC Dismal. Dire. Yep, Doncaster are at home. Whatever it is that’s made us invincible on the road, again fizzled and dissolved away when it came into contact with the kryptonite soaked pitch of the Keepmoat. Three minutes is all it took Oldham to take the lead. A free-kick whipped in from the left, a number of bodies in the box, and Jonson Clarke-Harris, undeterred by the fact his name makes him sound like a firm of solicitors, turned the ball beyond Jed Steer. Still a goal down after half-time Paul Dickov made a triple substitution in order try and resuscitate Rovers, but it was deadened within a minute as Oldham made it 2-0 from a dubiously awarded penalty. The comeback was never on. Rovers huffed and puffed and repeatedly fell up short as Oldham saw time out with a mix of admirable defence, promising counterattack, and hurling themselves to the turf screaming like a cat whose paw you’ve just trodden on. ‘We weren’t quite at our best,’ said Paul Dickov afterwards in an early bid for understatement of the season.
SATURDAY 13 SEPTEMBER BRISTOL CITY 3-0 ROVERS Occasionally you will have heard pundits (and by pundits I mean Mark Lawrenson) talk of ‘Keystone Cops’ defending. If you are too young to know what the Keystone Cops are, don’t worry that moniker won’t be used again, instead it will forever be referred to as ‘Rovers at Bristol City defending’. Slap-stick. Vaudeville. A hitherto impressive away record surrended by substituting the back line for a passing troop of clowns.
First to capitalise was Aaron Wilbraham who turned home from close range whilst the Rovers backline were too busy bumbling across the area in a battered old jalopy which was clearly too small to contain them all. The even more farcical second goal was gifted to Mark Little by Cedric Evina who was too busy readjusting his spinning bow-tie and turning round clumsily whilst carrying a ladder to clear a loose ball. In the second half Harry Forrester got himself sent-off for two bookings, the first for chucking a custard pie at the assistant referee and the second for squirting water at the referee from a flower on his lapel. The scoring was eventually wrapped up by Kieran Agard after Reece Wabara – who had been busy pretending to chuck a bucket of water over Luke McCullough, only for it to be full of confetti – was caught in possession.
TUESDAY 16 SEPTEMBER ROVERS 0-0 CRAWLEY TOWN Rovers looked to have learned the key lessons from Saturday’s defeat; they cut out the mistakes and Harry Forrester didn’t get himself sent off; although his suspension did make this much easier. That the loudest cheer of the first half came for the ball being hoofed over the East Stand roof, fairly encapsulates a dull, cagey forty-five minutes of head-tennis. Finally, in the closing five minutes of the match, Rovers sprung to life and laid siege to Crawley’s goal, with a crispness and an urgency that had been missing all night. Coppinger and Theo Robinson both tested Jamie Ashdown in the visitors’ goal, but ultimately he stood firm to see out a night that somehow managed to end on a positive, but ultimately disappointing note.
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SATURDAY 20 SEPTEMBER ROVERS 3-2 CHESTERFIELD Thankfully, it was the spirit of the final five minutes against Crawley which was carried forward into this game, and not the first 85. Knocking it about like 1980s Milan, Rovers went ahead after just six minutes as Nathan Tyson pounced on a rebound to score. The positives continued to flow, on the half-hour mark Rovers went 2-0 up as a gazelle-like Richie Wellens crossed for Bennett to crash in off the crossbar. To cap it all Saturday Santa was even spotted by our reporter, seen on his way to the toilet, unbuttoning his pockets as he went. Somewhat typically, it wasn’t to be plain-sailing and in the half ’s dying embers Sam Clucas pulled one back whilst the linesman looked sheepishly on. Rovers re-established their two goal cushion after the break through Jamie McCombe, but Spireites’ topscorer Eoin Doyle ensured a nervy last half hour by pulling it back to 3-2. Mercifully, despite a fair few heart in mouth moments, Rovers did hold on for a decent derby win.
TUESDAY 26 SEPTEMBER FULHAM 2-1 ROVERS Despite their lowly league position Fulham are a good side, and half an hour in, with the hosts already two goals to the good it looked as if the only mystery of the final scoreline, would be how many the Cottagers won by. But towards the end of the first half Rovers finally settled, moved the ball, and began to ask questions of Fulham, and their remained a sense that if they could just pull one back, the home crowd would pile the pressure on their side.
spotted! JIM DOBIN
Changing the electric meter of one of my clients. He was shocked I recognised him. spotter: @neilmarshall67
LEO FORTUNE-WEST
On the 5-a-side pitch next to ours at the Keepmoat. It took him three attempts to kick our ball back over the fence.
spotter: @RobWatchesMovie
CEDRIC EVINA
In the Asda by Doncaster Dome asking for oven trays. I escorted him to them personally.
spotter: Chris Hartshorn
BRIAN CASWELL
Forging a new career as a politician in Kansas (image below).
spotter: @DrMuttley
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THE BERNARD GLOVER DIARIES CONTINUED FROM PAGES 6 AND 7 So it came to pass, Dickov shuffled his pack – on came Forrester and Robinson – and soon enough Coppinger fired home in front of the travelling fans to make it 2-1. Rovers kept up the pressure, the home fans kept up the barracking and with eight minutes to fo came chance of an equaliser. Penalty to Rovers; up stepped Robinson. As he began his run up it appeared there was only one man in the ground who truly believed Robinson would score that penalty, and he looks to have changed his mind on his way to the ball. A weak effort, easily saved. Rovers out. Oh what could’ve been? But, a performance to give encouragement; match that in the league and we’re laughing.
SATURDAY 27 SEPTEMBER WALSALL 3-0 ROVERS Safe to say we didn’t match Tuesday’s performance. Not by a mile. All that quality and promise evaporated into the exhaust fumes of the adjacent M6 traffic with each passing minute. Let us never talk of this again.
SATURDAY 4 OCTOBER SCUNTHORPE UNITED 1-2 ROVERS ‘Nós odiamos aqueles bastardos em clarete e azul’ as they say in Portugal. The thrill of a local derby was clearly too much for some members of our travelling support, as they greeted the arrival of our second corner of the game by letting off a smoke bomb. I always think corner number five is the one worth getting worked up about myself. Despite the pyrotechnics, Scunthorpe shaded the opening exchanges; Steer had already made one impressive save when the Iron broke once more and this time Rory Fallon’s accurate daisycutter nestled in the bottom corner. Thankfully our response was swift in timing, if not in execution, a super slow-motion hook shot from Coppinger pulled Rovers level and brought wild break-dancing in celebration from Brian Horton and Paul Dickov… possibly. Our reporter’s view of them was obscured by a massive metal girder so alas we’ll never know.
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One point was turned into three as Rovers dominated the second half; Furman winning a crunching tackle in the middle, driving forward and playing a perfectly weighted pass for Tyson to finish like Thierry Henry. A good day for Rovers, and a good day for Doncaster football all round as later that evening Doncaster Rovers Belles inflicted a first defeat of the season on Sunderland, winning 2-1 away at the Black Cats to keep their hopes of FAWSL2 glory alive to the season’s end.
TUESDAY 7 OCTOBER BURTON ALBION 0-3 ROVERS A game in which Rovers, anchored by a dominant Wellens in midfield, took full control of, right from the off. It was 2-0 to Doncaster at half-time, thanks to a neat finish from Forrester and a penalty from Tyson. In the second half Burton showed a brief flash of life, but Rovers always looked in control and made it 3-0 in the closing minutes as Wellens waltzed through himself to round-up the scoring. A cool, comfortable, effortless victory. The sort of performance on which successful seasons are built. Could this be the start of a charge up the table?
SATURDAY 18 OCTOBER FLEETWOOD TOWN 3-1 ROVERS Could it bollocks. A good Fleetwood side were made to look even better by some frankly amateurish defending. Steer deserves credit for keeping the score down, but otherwise the only plus point for many fans was that they’d ticked off another ground on the road to the 92.
TUESDAY 21 OCTOBER ROVERS 0-2 LEYTON ORIENT When will it all end? Why can’t we win any more? Why? Whyyyyy?
tweet disposition THE INSIGHTFUL THOUGHTS OF ROVERS’ PLAYERS ON TWITTER @ReeceWabara
We owe so much to China!
@harry_forrester
Scripts are always written
@kbennyb
Long journey down to Bristol!
@JedSteer
Down the pub in Donny watching the game and been dragged into the Pub Quiz. Rivers, Canals, Lakes and Bridges. Help!!!
@ReeceWabara Bristol!
@theorobinson09 Referee...... lol
GW
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SOUNDING THE BELLES GLEN WILSON ON DONCASTER ROVERS BELLES TAKING THEIR PROMOTION BID DOWN TO THE WIRE One day, one game, and one significant favour, are all that stand between Doncaster Rovers Belles and a return to the top flight of the FA Women’s Super League. Having looked to have dashed their chances of silverware with a disastrous 4-0 defeat away at a Fran Kirby inspired Reading in late August the Belles have hauled themselves back into contention with a run of six consecutive wins. So now victory over London Bees at Barnet’s Hive tomorrow, and a timely dent in Sunderland’s charge by their opponents Millwall, could see the Belles crowned champions. As the resolution of the top flight a fortnight ago showed, this is not that unlikely an occurrence. Liverpool went into the final day of the FAWSL1 season in third place, needing both Chelsea and Birmingham to slip up in their final games. Both did; beaten by Manchester City and held by Notts County respectively, to allow Liverpool to sweep up the honours. The Belles will be hoping for a similar slip up by the side above them tomorrow.
In front of a four-figure crowd at Hetton, Sunderland had looked in control in the first half against the Belles, knowing that a win would effectively grant them the title. However, the Belles dug in, showed remarkable resolve and hit back. First neat play from Sue Smith fed Tori Williams out on the left and her hanging cross was met by a powerful header from Jess Sisgworth to equalise on the hour mark. And then, with just eight minutes remaining, Ashley Mills at the byline, cut the ball back for Williams, and from the corner of the box, she curled a glorious winning goal into the far top corner. That goal – and subsequent victories over Durham and Yeovil – have ensured that the Belles will travel to the capital with something to play for; a chance to get back the top-flight position which was stripped from them by the league last April. Join us there tomorrow if you can.
Sunderland, so long seemingly unstoppable have looked edgy in recent weeks as they close in on the title they’ve been in the driving seat for since July. In their penultimate game they needed a late rally to overcome strugglers Oxford United 3-2, whilst the week before they had been dealt the blow which kept the race open, on their own patch, by the Belles. 10 | PS72 | Oct/Nov 2014 | a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster
SUPPORT WORK EDITOR GLEN WILSON, TRIES TO UNDERSTAND THE RECENT DISCORD IN ROVERS’ SUPPORT I am not, by nature, a confrontational person. I see no reason for arguments, I bare few grudges. I have only ever been on one fight – inadvertently dragged into a bar-room brawl of Wild West proportions as it rolled through Lincoln Students’ Union. It just all seems like such an unnecessary use of energy. I am more of a mediator; the person behind the voice which intones “come on now we’ve all had a drink”. At a match earlier this season, I heard, from a small pocket of fans – perhaps a dozen at most - a chant of ‘Fuck the VSC!’ Hardly another entry for Great Terrace Chants of Our Time – it’s no ‘Curtis Main, I bet you thing this song is about you’ – and so I was happy to ignore it. But then I heard it again at another match, and then again. And once I heard it a third time I began to wonder ‘why?’ Why is it being sung? Its aims are clear enough – voice frustration and cause disruption, its outcome similarly so – fragment our support a touch further – but why had fans been moved to sing it in the first place? Was it something petty or was there more than I realised? And could whatever was the catalyst for this chant be addressed and resolved, so that then chants might stop, and we might all move on as a collective support of one football club? (Yes, I think a lot). Because whilst I’d seen the chant raised on the Viking Chat forum, and on Facebook, I was yet to see any feelings of dissatisfaction discussed fairly and unobjectively – free from petty point scoring and personal insults.
It would be easy to follow modern media’s lead and simplify the debate into for vs against, us vs them. But I believe in opinions over sides, and that there can be a greyness in how we look at issues; not everything is black and white. To frame the discussion in clear sides at the outset would only exaggerate the divide, and what good would that do? So instead I asked questions – firstly to those who considered themselves to be less than enamoured with the VSC. Some wanted to speak, others chose to make flippant and unhelpful remarks on social media. However, it is worth noting that in the same way the extreme mentalism of Abu Hamza is in no way a fair representation of the Islamic faith, someone posting ‘Fuck the VSC’ should not be considered to be completely representative of unrest. From those who did get involved came reasoned points for discussion, on a range of topics including membership, purpose of a Trust, and communication. The latter of these proved a common theme of dissatisfaction across all those I spoke to, with many highlighting confusion over the purpose of the Viking Chat forum: ‘Possibly the biggest problem they have is the forum. The VSC is on record stating that it is their most important tool for promoting the work of the VSC. However, I’ve lost count of the amount of times they’ve stressed “the Forum is not the VSC”. Others duly felt that when they had looked to engage with the VSC on the forum they had found the responses to be unnecessarily defensive from the off, and also dismissive of younger posters.
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SUPPORT WORK
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11 It’s not that bad I thought, and perhaps those who feel that the VSC is being overly defensive or dismissive, are just a bit sensitive, or have in the past wound directors up. Not that these are reasonable excuses of course, no one should feel they are being knocked casually away for a single by any organization, but I did think that maybe folk were exaggerating. That is until I asked on the forum whether one of the Directors could answer some questions for the fanzine for this piece, to make sure they had the opportunity to reply. I expected a private message in return, or perhaps just a post to say whether it was in hand. Instead a bizarre thread panned out which begsn with a question in return of ‘These are your questions are they?’ and other statements including ‘It’s not a question of ignoring, it’s just the confusion over who is asking the questions,’ and ‘You initially asked us to comment on the anti-VSC concerns and their questions, not yours’. That last bit isn’t true by the way, but still, why was any of this necessary? It genuinely made me angry, all I wanted was a a simple yes or no answer, and instead I had my intentions and my approach questioned. All for the temerity of asking some pretty broad questions, one of which was, with glorious irony, ‘can you see how a defensive and dismissive tone on the forum reflects onto fans’ perceptions of the VSC?’ Should it even matter who asks questions or where they’re coming from? What harm is there in giving answers? Replies did thankfully come, with the VSC reiterating on this issue that ‘The Viking Chat forum is simply a public football forum, paid for by VSC Members, hosted on the VSC website that we also
use as our main communication tool with both our members and all other Rovers fans. As it says in the disclaimer when forum users register, all opinions made are of the poster who makes them, in the same way that other organisations are not responsible for comments made on their forum or facebook pages.’ I asked again whether the VSC felt the tone of some directors when posting could reflect onto fans perceptions, to which they replied as follows ‘All posters opinions on the forum are their own. And as long as Directors stick to the VSC rules regarding board conduct, they are free to post their own opinions like anyone else,’ which I feel, disappointingly, doesn’t really grasp the issue I was raising. Because whilst the VSC and the forum are different entities, the messageboard is part of their website, which as the VSC reiterated to me in response to another question is ‘used as our main communication tool with both our members and all other Rovers fans’. As a main communication tool, and indeed main point of engagement, it surely pays to ensure that messages on it are delivered welcomingly and sensitively, so as not to dissuade involvement. One of the other things I asked was what fans felt the role of a Supporters’ Trust was. ‘A Supporters’ Trust should be consulting with all fans on all issues and liaising with the club to improve things where it can. If it’s doing this well, and communicating its limitations effectively, it would really struggle to be unpopular. The VSC does some of this, but falls short in some areas. Which reiterates the need for this article; to try and address how a body representing the fans, could have become seen as a point of dissatisfaction among what should be its own key members.
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The VSC are keen to stress that they ‘are always open to ideas on how to improve communication with both members and non-members.’ I asked if there were any restrictions on membership, and whether anyone would ever be turned away from an application to join. ‘We have before quoted the member rules to an individual to make sure they knew what they had to agree with before signing up. That individual decided not to join. The VSC actively encourages all DRFC fans to join and, if they are inclined, to also consider joining the board of directors.’ So, if you are over 16, the only barrier to joining is your own decision. So what does all this mean? Well, if you are chanting ‘Fuck the VSC’ at matches, and yet choose not to not take up invitations to discuss and resolve the issues, such as the invitation to voice concerns for this piece, then frankly you’re ultimately helping no-one, nor your own cause, and you’re just driving another line between a support that hasn’t truly been together since ‘The Experiment’ save for maybe the week after those final 18 seconds at Brentford. But, similarly, if you are a body who are there to represent the voice of all supporters, then you can’t afford to dismiss a constant presence as this, as simply ‘a group of kids’. It is patronising for one, but it also assumes that any unrest is confined to this vocal minority. There are genuine concerns from supporters, who don’t join in with chants, about how the VSC is pitching and conducting itself, concerns which are dissuading them from joining the group. No-one I spoke to felt that there should be no VSC. Indeed, although ideas on what a Supporters’ Trust should be differed – some felt they should be solely striving to purchase shares (although the VSC can only do this when shares are available),
and others felt they should perhaps realign their objectives to be more representative - all were generally supportive of the notion, and the reason for a Trust. As am I, and I have been enthused in recent years by the Trust’s willingness to ask awkward questions of the club and prospective owners. However, simply because a body’s overall aims are good does not mean there’s no room for improvement, or criticism. When I’m not foolishly wading into these dilemmas I work for a charity; we do good things to benefit huge swathes of the population, but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t improve what we do. Criticism needs to be taken on the chin, and used constructively, rather than constantly dismissed or deflected. It is clear the VSC needs to look at how it communicates with fans, and the Viking Chat messageboard is key to that. It may not be an official VSC outlet, but if it is the key tool to communicate to supporters, then they need to look at the tone and manner in which posts by their own members are made, because currently, for many, this is creating a false impression of a defensive and dismissive hierarchy, which puts people off willing to engage with the Trust, and ultimately fuels the unfortunate mudslinging which we’ve seen over recent months. I want the VSC to succeed. I want it to be there fighting the corner for me and other Rovers fans, as it has in the past. I wanted this article to draw a line under the nonsense and the name-calling so we could all move on. It probably hasn’t done that, but hopefully it has shown some fans that three word chants aren’t really the way forward, and highlighted to the VSC the importance of effective communication, and just how important and decisive tone can be in engaging as many supporters as possible.
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THE SACK RACE WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, SHOULD THE MANAGER GET THE BOOT? HOWARD BONNETT TAKES A LOOK We may only be a quarter of the way through the season, but already we have seen the all too common raft of managerial sackings and resignations. Mark Robins parted company with Huddersfield on the season’s opening day, and has since been joined in by a further fifteen managers at the time of writing; Rob Edwards leaving Tranmere, just this morning.
Birmingham stuck by Lee Clark and stayed up by just the narrowest of margins. Yeovil and ourselves also, to quote Dolly Parton, stood by their man and down we went. It is also worth noting that the three relegated sides had the lowest budgets in the division, suggesting we were always struggling to punch above our weight, among high-financed rivals.
Any poor performance it seems will lead to fans complaining, on radio or social media, that the manager should go; he’s clueless, he’s lost the changing room etc. The question is, does sacking the manager actually to any good.
With the average tenure of a league manager rising and falling over the last fifteen years, the lament of managers not being given enough time has no more validity now than it did at the turn of the Millennium. The only exception is the Premier League where, with increased stakes, club chairman seem a little quicker to fire the man in charge. Here a manager gets an average of 1.22 years on the job, his counterpart in the Championship gets 1.93 years and in League One its 1.48 years.
In 2013-14 the number of sacked managers was as follows: Premier League: 12 Championship: 10 League One: 8 League Two: 7 In the Premier League, only Sunderland and Crystal Palace improved after parting company with their manager. Norwich, Fulham and Cardiff all changed their managers but still could not escape relegation. In the Championship, only Barnsley of the three relegated sides changed managers. However, our fellow strugglers Blackpool, Charlton, Sheffield Wednesday, Derby and Millwall all changed the man at the helm and pulled away from danger, leaving us behind.
Interestingly, internally promoted managers boast shorter tenures than externally appointed men, perhaps as they’re often seen as an interim measure. Just ask Tim Sherwood how things have turned out for him as he hunts for the next opportunity to prove his worth. It should perhaps also serve as a note of caution for those who clamour for a club hero to take the reins when the going gets tough. Do we really think Rob Jones could improve our fortunes in an unpredictable league?
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Our near neighbours offer no comfort to the idea of sacking managers as a longterm measure. Wednesday are doing well now under Stuart Gray, whilst Sheffield United’s fortunes improved greatly last season under Nigel Clough. However, the Bramall Lane faithful are already calling for his head after an unexciting start to this season. Like us, Barnsley are finding their feet in this league. Chesterfield were promoted after dismissing John Sheridan and appointing a guy with the thickest scouse accent known to man. And the only team apart from them making reasonable strides (and it pains me to say it) are Rotherham - which brings forth the exception to the rule - if in doubt appoint a fat shouty Scotsman. Perhaps that is the way to go - broad accents ensure success. So how does this compare with our experience? Since returning to the League in 2003-04 we sacked Dave Penney in August 2006 after four years and replaced him with Sean O Driscoll. He stayed until just after the five-year cake candles had been blown out. In came Dean Saunders and, like last season, he could not save us from relegation, but picked us up, dusted us down and stayed until the heady lure of Wolves tempted him away in January 2013 after just under 16 months. In came Brian Flynn for the remainder of the season and then Mr Brylcream joined us in May 2013 with his stay already putting him above average based on League manager statistics.
So, can Doncaster Rovers teach other teams a lesson? I think few could argue that the timing of the dismissal of managers has, on balance, kept the good ship Rovers going, during some of the most interesting years in the club’s history. If we had sacked Paul Dickov for relegation at the end of last season would we be any better off? Hard to say but what is sure is that in Dickov we have a manager with the good of the club at heart who has done his best despite not having a decent pre season whilst he’s been here. To be honest, both David Blaine and Dynamo would have struggled to get us much higher up this division so far. Finally, it always seems hard to strike up too much sympathy for the sacked manager as he picks up a nice sum in compensation (unless he manages Leeds and is called Hockaday) and soon enough finds himself back in another managerial hot seat. Which brings us back to Mark Robins. As I write this, he will be sitting behind the manager’s desk at Glanford Park, and hoping he lasts longer than the norm. I’m not sure what odds you would get on him lasting more than a couple of years, and if he doesn’t then he can at least get himself another pay off and wait for the next job to come along. As Alan Irvine shows, a stay in Yorkshire where he was sacked by Sheffield Wednesday has not stopped him taking over at Premier League West Bromwich Albion. And as we see with Sean O’Driscoll, even the international set-up can provide a refuge for the oft-battered Football League manager. I end this piece now, in order to get myself off to the bookies. What odds on Paul Dickov managing Scotland within ten years?
HB
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VOICE OF THE POP SIDE HOW DO YOU RECORD EVERY ROVERS PLAYER? OUR JOHN COYLE HAS DEVISED A SYSTEM When Billy Whitehouse stepped on to the pitch at Burton Albion’s Pirelli Stadium to make his first-team debut for Rovers, he became the 1,112th footballer to appear in a competitive senior match for the club. That is, he became the 1,112th under a system which I have devised and is (at the moment) purely unofficial. I thought now might be a good time to explain how my system came about and how I developed the rules which cover over a thousand Doncaster Rovers players from 1901 to the present day. The idea of giving each player a unique number, based on their first appearance for a team, is of course not a new one. The Australian cricket team adopted such a system, with the numbers displayed on their shirts, in 2001. It was a powerful statement about the heritage of what was the first sports team to represent the country of Australia as a whole, and it was soon adopted by other international sides. Football has been slower to adopt a similar practice, although Stockport County launched a scheme in 2010 to recognise ‘every County debutant in a senior competitive match.’ The scheme has a sticker album, which currently runs up to 70 pages and 1,352 players, although it has not been added to since April 2013. This was when County dropped out of the Conference Premier and into ‘regional non-League football’.
A statement on their website notes that no further numbers will be allocated until they return to a national competition, the exception being if the club reaches the FA Cup 1st round. At the time of writing, they are one game away from being able to hand out some numbers this season. It is worth pointing out that in football, unlike cricket, there is no definition of what constitutes a ‘first class’ match, and this is the most difficult part of the exercise. Broadly speaking, I have followed the same methodology as those at Stockport. Rovers first competed in the FA Cup in season 1888-89, but did not reach the 1st round until 1924-25. So, I have only counted FA Cup ties since that season. Up until 1901-02, Rovers played in a regional competition, mainly the Midland League, and although this league was of a decent standard, it cannot really be called ‘first class’, especially as it often included the reserve sides of Football League clubs. (There is an argument that the top division of the Southern League at around the same time merits first class status, but fortunately that does not affect us here.) So Rovers’ seasons in the Football League count for inclusion, and hence the team that played in our first ever League fixture, against Burslem Port Vale in September 1901 are numbers one to 11.
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Top: Mr 568: Colin Douglas / Bottom: Mr 850: Mark Bradley
Since 1983 the Football League Trophy under its various sponsors has become a regular event and so qualifies for inclusion (heck, we even won it once!). More problematic are its precursors, the short-lived Division Three North Cup of the 1930s and 1981-82’s League Group Cup. Rovers achieved little of note in either, but they were officially-sanctioned Football League competitions and so, on balance, I have decided to include them. The inclusion of the former means that Arthur Banner, a defender sold to West Ham without playing a League game for Rovers gets a number (224), while the Group Cup saw the only appearances of Peter Farrell (567), a trialist who had to be loaned from Port Vale so he could play in the competition. Another Group Cup debutant had a much longer career; Colin Douglas (568).
Where more than one player made his debut in a game, the numbers are allotted in alphabetical order, hence No. 1 is winger Frank Bailey, goalkeeper Jack Eggett is No.2 and half-back Ellis Wright is No. 11. The scorer of Rovers’ first League goal, Len Goodson, gets to be No. 3. So far, so good, but there are other competitions to consider for inclusion alongside the Football League and the FA Cup. The Football League Cup, instituted in 1961, is a straightforward case for inclusion, as are the three play-off games Rovers enjoyed in 2007-08. Less clear is the status of the various competitions for so-called ‘Associate Members’ of the Football League.
A few more ticklish issues were caused by Rovers’ relegation to the Conference in 1998. It was fairly easy to make the case for including Conference fixtures and play-offs as ‘first class’, as the competition is a national one with a high standard of play. Mark Bradley, who had a very short career indeed, became player 850 in Rovers’ opening Conference fixture at Dover in August 1998 before he was hooked during the first half of the game. Playing in the Conference meant Rovers were again involved in the qualifying rounds of the FA Cup (not included) as well as other competitions such as the FA Trophy, the Conference League Cup and the Sheffield and Hallamshire Senior Challenge Cup. The latter being a regional tournament could be easily discarded, but the other two caused problems, especially as Rovers won the League Cup in each of their first two Conference seasons.
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VOICE OF THE POP SIDE CONTINUED FROM PAGES 16 AND 17 On balance, I decided to exclude both. It would be stretching a point to call the FA Trophy a senior competition, as no clubs above Conference Premier level compete in it, and it would seem hardly consistent to exclude FA Cup qualifying rounds but include Trophy matches. The Conference League Cup often saw teams field weakened sides and was not taken seriously until the latter stages, so reluctantly I excluded it. These decisions had surprisingly little effect, although players such as Robert Gill (901) and Jamie Price (907) had their debuts delayed as a result. In fact, the only real ‘victims’ were the three lads who appeared as substitutes in a Conference League Cup game against Southport in 1998. So if Richard Powell, Marc Ridley or Robert Wild is reading this, I offer my heartfelt apologies. One other issue to deal with involved abandoned and expunged games. It was fairly easy to count out abandoned ones. The three games expunged because of opponents’ subsequent resignation from the League (one vs Accrington in 1961-62, two v Aldershot in 1991-92) did not involve any debutants - although they do impact on Colin Douglas’s career record. Then there were the three games played by Rovers at the start of the 1939-40 season, before the outbreak of World War II brought football to a halt. Only one player, Ernie Phypers, a former Tottenham Hotspur halfback, is affected and the two games he played represented his entire senior career for Rovers.
Needless to say, wartime competitions which often included guest players are not included. I took what many will consider a controversial decision and counted Ernie as a player - he is No. 237 - on the basis that these were properlycontested games which should count towards the record books. Though I am sure many will disagree on this and other points. I would genuinely be interested to hear what people think about my numbering system, and, I suppose most seriously, whether it is something the club could take forward. Doncaster Rovers is a special club to all of us, and giving each player a number would emphasise how special it is to play for our club. Before you consider that, here is a little quiz for you. Can you identify these ten well-known players from their numbers? To make it easier I have only included post-1945 players, namely those with numbers greater than 237. 1. No. 243 2. No. 312 3. No. 415 4. No. 467 5. No. 519 6. No. 601 7. No. 786 8. No. 899 9. No. 935 10. No. 950 Answers can be found just on page 25. Good luck!
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JC
IT’S THE DONNY R’SONISTS UNBEATEN AFTER TWO GAMES - IT’S UNCHARTERED TERRITORY FOR THE ROVERS SUPPORTERS’ TEAM SATURDAY 16 AUGUST R’SONISTS 6-0 PORTLY VALE A new season optimism for the visit of Portly Vale was evident in the R’sonists squad as manager Matt Smith had a total of 17 players at his disposal, a rare luxury indeed. The first half was pretty even for half an hour, however, ten minutes before the break young Ben Cullingworth struck to open the scoring, and from there the R’sonists didn’t look back. Five minutes later Rob Farrer added a second goal for the home side, and within three minutes it was 3-0 as Farrer struck again to double his tally. Leading by three goals at half-time, Smith made a number of changes to the R’sonists line-up, but the home side didn’t take their foot off the gas and Craig Jones made it 4-0 ten minutes in. Jones struck again midway through the half before Farrer wrapped up the scoring with his hat-trick goal thirteen minutes from time. Overall, a good and enjoyable game that unfortunately ended on a sour note with the Vale lads taking umbrage at the referee.
SATURDAY 27 SEPTEMBER WALSALL STFC 4-4 R’SONISTS Probably one of the most impressive R’sonists performances in recent years as we secured a draw away at Walsall despite playing over and hour with ten men, and ten minutes of that with just nine players.
Despite their short-handed line-up and a starting team featuring three debutants the R’sonists took a shock 2-0 lead, thanks largely to the work of young striker Callum Stockton. Twice he toiled to deliver low crosses into the area and twice they were turned in, the first by a Walsall defender, the second by Ben Cullingworth. Inevitably the home side struck back and would eventually lead 3-2 at half time through a close range finish, a debatable penalty, and a firmly struck shot from the edge of the box with found the top corner. The R’sonists shuffled their pack at half-time with Louis Bailey going in goal, although an injury to Brad Walton dropped them down to nine players for ten minutes. Despite this numerical disadvantage the R’sonists equalised; a penalty neatly converted by ‘keeper Bailey, before an unstoppable halfvolley made it 4-3 to Walsall. Now, with 25 minutes to go, the R’sonists cavalry arrived; Pete Cooper and David Brookes, fresh off a delayed train from the south coast and straight on to the pitch to help the R’sonists make one final push; their efforts rewarded as Stockton got a fine debut goal to secure a greatly deserved draw. If you’re interested in playing for the R’sonists, or would like to find out more, visit their new club website: www.donnyrsonists.wordpress.com
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THE GARY BRABIN MEMORIAL LOUNGE IS IT TIME TO TO PUT DOWN DONNY DOG? KERRANG! EDITOR JAMES MCMAHON RECKONS IT MIGHT BE Riffing off Roy Keane airing his dirty laundry on the back pages of all the red tops all this month, this column was going to be titled What I’ve Learnt From Doncaster Rovers Players Who’ve Written Autobiographies. I recently read From Prison to the Premiership, the autobiography of Jamie Lawrence; he of funky dreads and feet too good for the turf of Belle Vue. It was good. And I’ve read Ian Snodin’s book. And after about six months of trying, I finally finished Steve Wignall’s. Both of those are very, very bad. Anyway, if you’re reading this Copps, I’ve always fancied a bit of ghost-writing. But then I went to Fleetwood and had an epiphany, which is a sentence not written by anyone else ever. No, not that I can name at least ten careers Jamie McCombe would be better suited to than professional football (wrestler, Bond villain henchman, someone who is paid by aristocratic dwarves to reach things from high shelves, etc). So, just let me leave you with the knowledge that Jamie Lawrence played the majority of his professional football career with a pierced penis, and instead let me tell you about why I… oh God, there is no easy way to say this… Oh God… Look, I just think it’s time to let Donny Dog die. Firstly, and I know many of you don’t want to believe this is true, God knows enough magic has died in the world already, but Donny Dog isn’t a real dog. It is just a person inside a dog costume.
Secondly, stop looking at me like that. I do of course not literally mean the person inside the Donny Dog suit should be killed. Do me a favour and repeat those words to me, just so I am covered legally. ‘James is not – I repeat NOT - proposing the murder of the person inside the Donny Dog suit’. Thirdly, I am not proposing that Donny Dog walk through town to Mansion House carrying a replica crucifix and crown of thorns, being shouted at by folk dressed as Roman Centurions, before being nailed to a cross outside HSBC and lanced with a spear. In fact I don’t even know where that thought came from. I am sorry. But watching Rovers at Fleetwood last week, I thought two things. One, I can think of ten careers that Jamie McCombe… but we’ve done this… And two, that Fleetwood Town have the greatest football mascot I have ever seen. His name is Captain Cod and essentially he’s a biped fis; a little bit like an evil, unhinged scientist crossbred an amateur footballer with a cod in the best Hammer Horror movie never made. Frankly, all those tales of over fishing might be explained by Captain Cod’s existence. Next time my girlfriend’s environmentally conscious best friend Gemma informs me I should ask for Hake with my chips instead of Cod, I will respond, ‘Hey, don’t blame me, I’m not the mad scientist stitching humans and fish together’.
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But I digress. The best thing about Captain Cod, if you’re a Fleetwood fan anyway, is every time Fleetwood score, their funny-money-funded video screen shows Captain Cod dancing to garage rock and giving the crowd the thumbs up. There must be veterans of Fleetwood’s Northern Premier League spell who look at the screen each Saturday and wonder if their pie has been spiked. But me, I loved it. And it sort of made me wish Doncaster was on the coast. See, not a lot of people know this, not even the Rovers hierarchy I’d hazard to guess, but I invented Donny Dog. Not only that, but depending on whether my parents have cleared the loft since I left home or not, I have the blueprints to prove it. It is 1995 and I am a student at Armthorpe Comprehensive. The school is running a competition to promote tourism in Doncaster. You can complain all you want about Michael Gove, and as a good socialist I would join you, but it’s worth remembering that this is the sort of shit that used to happen. Anyway, I came across the idea of creating a toy called Donny Dog that would be a mascot of sorts for the town. Obviously as a Rovers obsessed youth, I dressed the dog in full Rovers kit. We didn’t win, but I did get taken to DRI after having an accident with a glue gun.
Even after all this time, I’m surprised that Rovers, at the height of the Sammy Chung era, would take the time to bug the CDT department of my school and steal all my best ideas for their marketing drive. Basically, the reason I believe it is time to kill off my creation, is that Donny Dog has nothing to do with Doncaster beyond Doncaster being a place on earth that somewhere in history learnt to domesticate dogs. Now, I’m not proposing we dress a work experience kid in the costume of a corrupt politician, or a piece of coal, or Brian Blessed (actually…) but could we take something from the illustrious history of Doncaster, stitch some eyes on it and then get it to jig around when we score? I mean, we invented Butterscotch for Christ sake! Barry Butterscotch! That’s a mascot we could be proud of! Or Tommy The Anthropomorphic Train! Or Roger The Racehorse! Or we could just revisit the Erik The Viking the club toyed with last year. Perhaps make him look a little bit less like a symbol of Aryan recruitment, and have him hack Donny Dog to death with his axe in front of the South Stand. But the character, not the person in the suit, it’s very important that youdon’t think I mean the person inside the suit. God, I’m totally going to be writing my next column on remand aren’t I.
JM
Bernard Glover's
BELIEVE IT or NOT SWORN INTO OFFICE IN APRIL 2014, FORMER ROVERS MIDFIELDER UROS PREDIC IS CURRENTLY SERBIAN MINISTER FOR AGRICULTURE AND ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION
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REMEMBERING THE FIRST TIME CONTINUING OUR SERIES ON FIRST ROVERS GAMES, MIKE FOLLOWS RECALLS HIS FIRST TRIP TO BELLE VUE I love this time of year. As the nights draw in and the air gets cool there’s something comforting about wrapping up in a warm coat and walking with the scent of wood smoke in the air. It reminds me of walking home from school, and watching Grange Hill before nipping upstairs to look out my parents’ bedroom window at the red aircraft warning lights sitting proudly atop the distant Belle Vue floodlights. Even more exciting to my young eyes was the sight of the floodlights themselves, flickering to life and illuminating an arc in the night sky. I spent plenty of years yearning to go to a match, but this was the 80s and football terraces weren’t known to be particularly welcoming. I doubt there would have been a great deal of peril in stands sparsely populated by diehard Fourth Division Rovers fans, but nevertheless I was 12-years-old before I got my first taste of live football. February 5, 1994 was the momentous day when I first went to Belle Vue - joined on my visit by the mighty Shrewsbury Town. My uncle is a lifelong fan and I remember well the palpable excitement I felt when I climbed into his burgundy Vauxhall Cavalier that Saturday afternoon. As we walked across the pot-holed car-park the smell of tobacco and frying onions permeated my nostrils.
The club shop, crammed into a tiny room at the back of the Main Stand was packed and I emerged proudly clutching a brand new scarf, which was soon supplemented by a programme and a hot dog with onions, ketchup and mustard. I was addicted before a ball had been kicked. Which was just as well because the football was shite. Rovers were in the Fourth Division and rightly so. Russ Wilcox was just about the only player with a modicum of skill in the team that day as we ground out a 0-0 draw with an equally inept bunch of cloggers. As we made our way to the top of the terrace, ready to make a break for the car to beat the traffic at the final whistle, Dean Spink raced clear for the visitors, lashed a shot at goal that hit the left hand post, bounced across the goal line before connecting with the right hand post and bouncing clear. An old chap next to me muttered “That was a goal you know. Bloody rubbish, Rovers.” If the next twentyodd years of my life could be summed up in a moment, that was it. Epilogue: My next match saw Rovers soundly thrashed 3-0 by Martin O’Neill’s Wycombe Wanderers. I had to wait until my third game to see us score. I think we beat Hereford 1-0.
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MF
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GO AWAY! In League One, no-one can hear you scream. Mainly due to the fact that most folk have long gone to bed before your highlights come on the Football League Show, and those that remain are too on edge at Clem’s imminent appearance to notice you. But what does this new, unfamiliar third tier world have in store for us? We continue our guide to Rovers’ upcoming away trips with this latest instalment of Go Away! Saturday 1 November
BRADFORD CITY
The name Bradford derives from the Old English term ‘broad ford’, coined because the river here was once wide enough to dump an old Fiesta in. The Industrial Revolution transformed Bradford into a thriving city, albeit one so polluted that in the late 1800s the average life expectancy was just 18, or as it was known at the time, ‘twice a Glasgow’. Many of the great Victorian buildings built at this time, remain today. A prime example is the City Hall, based on Italian renaissance designs, with its magnificent clock tower taken from the Palazzo Vecchio in Florence, although the Italians are understandably keen to get it back. Another example of city architecture can be found in the area of Little Germany, or Austria as it is more commonly known. In 2006 the developer Westfield demolished much of the centre of Bradford at Forster Square to make way for a new shopping centre; however building work was duly halted and for eight years the city centre was just a huge hole, making it not unlike Rotherham.
WHAT’S IT FAMOUS FOR?
At the height of its industrial prowess Bradford was famous for wool, and was once known as ‘the wool capital of the world’, a crown it sadly lost during The Great Kitten Invasion of 1886. Modern day Bradford is known for its diverse population, with the last census identifying that just over a quarter of its residents are Asian or British Asian, a figure that is around 75% down on the latest estimates from UKIP. A 2012 survey found that residents of Bradford had more sex than any other city in the UK, which suggests that Bradford also has the highest percentage of people willing to lie to survey takers in the UK.
HOW TO BLEND IN
Tuck into a pot of tea and a Tikka, and bemoan the lack of places to go shopping whilst thumbing through the Telegraph & Argus, because why take two papers into the bog, when you can read two in one?
WHAT’S THE STADIUM LIKE?
Placed high on a hill-top, so as to protect it from invasion during the Civil War, the Coral Windows Stadium, as it is known to absolutely no-one, looks like the sort of ground you might’ve put your Subbutteo team in.
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Pocket money spunked on the big snazzy two-tier Grandstand which wraps itself round two corners, you’ve had to scrape together your remaining coppers for the classic ‘regular grandstand 0001’ for the other touchline, and then make do with two old shoeboxes gaffer-taped on top of each other for the away end.
1,840 fans can be squeezed into the those shoe-boxes, which are officially called the TJ Dallas Stand, having been named after the popular US series, in a desperate attempt to bring back fans in the late 1980s. This was the same marketing strategy which also saw the Midland Road stand briefly named The Rubik’s Cube & Sam Fox Stand during 1987-88.
Saturday 22 November
ROCHDALE
Like many Northern towns Rochdale grew significantly in the Industrial Revolution, and was famous for spinning throughout the 19th century, a phenomenon which caused constant nausea among a large proportion of the local residents. According to local records, weekly markets were initially held in Rochdale from 1250, but they soon found they were missing valuable morning trade and so nowadays they’re held from 0900.
WHAT’S IT FAMOUS FOR?
The first ever co-op store was opened in Rochdale in 1844, by a group of twenty-eight local men; a staffing to store-space ratio which has now been revived in Apple Stores. One of those co-op men was the British Radical John Bright who is also famous for founding the successful Anti-Corn Law League, or as it is now known, the National Society of Podiatrists.
HOW TO BLEND IN
Commute to and from Manchester each day, never spending any more time in your own town than you really have to.
WHAT’S THE STADIUM LIKE?
Spotland has been Rochdale’s home since 1906, yet despite over one hundred years in existence the plastic blue seats have barely weathered. A neat ground with three seated stands and one standed seat, Spotland is these days what is known as a ‘multipurpose stadium’ because as well as hosting football matches on the grassbit, the covered bits also help keep the rain off. According to the Football Ground Guide, the Main Stand has ‘a number of supporting pillars and some executive boxes’, which is a bit dismissive of the proletariat, I’m sure some those supporting, are lovely people.
The performer Gracie Fields was infamously born in a fish and chip shop in Rochdale, though it is not known whether the mid-wife chose to deliver her open or wrapped. Another performer who hails from Rochdale is the singer Lisa Stansfield, and her biggest selling single ‘All Around the World (and I can’t find my baby)’ was actually written about the rising rate of child neglect in the town. aa football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster | Oct/Nov 2014| PS72 | 25
GO AWAY!
CONTINUED FROM PAGES 24 AND 25 Saturday 29 November
CREWE ALEXANDRA Crewe is widely known as a railway town, not because of its proximity to a major rail junction, but because all the buildings in the town are actually spare Hornby accessories, which had been mistakenly manufactured to a 1:1 ratio, during the great zero strike of 1882. The town of Crewe is actually named after the railway station, rather than the station after the town; a trait shared with Llandudno Junction in Wales, and the Cumbrian village of Dankobscureplatform. In the cult 1984 drama Threads, Crewe was destroyed by a single megaton Soviet Union nuclear weapon. Remarkably true to life for its time the programme depicted a desolate wasteland bereft of humanity and hope, and then the bomb hit. The author Bill Bryson once labelled Crewe ‘the armpit of Cheshire’, which is a completely unfair depiction, especially as geographically it is much nearer to being the county’s scrotum.
WHAT’S IT FAMOUS FOR?
Crewe is of course famous for the railway, yet for a town whose whole existence rests on people buggering off elsewhere as quick as possible its residents remain impressively chipper.
HOW TO BLEND IN
Hang around at the end of a station platforms, relentlessly pencilling numbers into a little book, occasionally pausing to drink from a flask and engage in tedious conversations about point systems at Stafford with ticket inspectors who’ve had the misfortune to wander into your vicinity.
WHAT’S THE STADIUM LIKE?
Boasting a capacity of 7,000, Crewe’s Main Stand was constructed in 1999 to serve as a monument to misplaced optimism. Not so much a case of ‘if you build it they will come’, more ‘if you build it, they will be able to see it as they hop on the train to go and watch Liverpool’. The stand’s use on matchdays is actually shared, with the top three rows used for the lesser known sport of Cheshire Watching, in which old men come to sit here and silently stare at the rest of the county, trying not to let the football get in the way. Look out for them today. Away fans are housed in the snappily titled Whitby Morrison Ice Cream Van Stand, so called because it is in fact a converted transit, staffed by some particularly suspect looking men in grubby white-coats who make inappropriate jokes to young mums about whether they want nuts.
GW
YOUR FANZINE NEEDS YOU CAN YOU SPARE YOUR TIME TO HELP POPULAR STAND CONTINUE? Producing the fanzine is becoming a harder and harder task. We are always in need of writers, editors, artists, and sellers. If you are willing to help us out in any way at all then please do get in touch via popularstand@outlook.com 26 | PS72 | Oct/Nov 2014 | a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster
LAWS OF THE GAME SCHOOLYARD EDITION 2014-15
LAW 2 - THE BALL The match ball should be vaguely spherical and made of leather, with at least two patches hanging off it, and scuffing around all stitching. If no leather ball, as identified above, is available then the match may take place with a tennis-ball - the balder and greyer the ball the better. In extreme cases, and where no alternative can be sought, matches may take place with a cheap plastic fly-away bought from a rock shop on Scarborough South Bay and rescued from lost property, or a plastic bottle or metal drinks can. If the ball bursts during play the match will carry on regardless, and will only be replaced on the following day when someone promises they will bring their ‘brother’s casey’. If the ball goes over a fence or wall into a garden with a notorious dog, or the yard belonging to the fella who threatened to put a knife through it the next time it went over there, then play will continue with a plastic bottle or drinks can as identified above. The player who provided the ball has the right to call halt to the game and take the ball home if they are losing heavily, have been fouled, or their tea is ready.
LAW 3 - NUMBER OF PLAYERS A match is played by two teams of roughly even numbers of players, one of whom - usually the fatter kid, or an overly keen child with their own expnsive gloves - will be the goalkeeper. The minimum number of players required on either side in order for the game to commence is one. There is no maximum number of players. There are no substitutes. However, additional players may join the game at any time provided that they go on the team that is losing at that stage. If the match is even, then new players may be forced to wait until an additional new player arrives before joining as it’s “even teams” Play does not need to be stopped in order for additional players to join the game, they may enter at any time. If a potential new player appears that no-one knows or likes the look of then they can be denied entry to the game by telling them; “Sorry mate, it’s not my ball”. Unpopular kids, or those from a year or multiple years below, may be permitted to join the game only on the proviso that they play as goalkeeper.
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JACK PEAT IT’S GOD’S COUNTY, JUST NOT HIS BLEND OF FOOTBALL, SO SAYS EDITOR OF THE LONDON ECONOMIC, JACK PEAT ‘Twas 1999, seven years into the newly established top tier and the league was a fine tapestry of British teams stretching from the Magpies of Newcastle to Southampton’s Saints. Wedged in between was the inspired Kevin Phillips at Sunderland and Bryan Robson’s Middlesbrough along the North East coast, Paul Jewell’s Bradford - perched precariously above the relegation zone throughout the season and Sheffield Wednesday in Yorkshire, relegated despite the defensive prowess of Des Walker. Leeds United qualified for a Champion’s League tirade that still forms 90% of the Kop’s chants to this day and there was a good representation of clubs in the Midlands. All this meant that for Doncastrians - their local team languishing in the lower leagues with nothing but a Conference Trophy and Sheffield and Hallamshire County Cup to celebrate - there were perhaps more attractive alternatives. But one man was about to change all that. He had ambition, money and a real knack for spending it. He was about to turn a town full of Leeds fans into a town that scorns its neighbours. The 12:36 Arriva Train from Doncaster to Leeds would never be the same again, desolate carriages yearning for the lads that had taken their tinnies elsewhere. The silver haired businessman, suited and booted with sun kissed skin from the beaches of Marbella came in like a wrecking ball and single-handedly changed the football fabric of Yorkshire. That man was: Peter Ridsdale.
For it is thanks to Ridsdale and his reckless financial mismanagement that Leeds United slipped from the 5 star football of the Champions League to the 4 star of the Europa League before tumbling to youth hostel accommodation in League 1. The superstars left and attendances started to slide thanks to the next car crash of a chairman Ken Bates, who ensured gate prices remain sky high despite their lowly position. In 2008 tens of thousands of Leeds fans marched on together down the M1 to Wembley only to see their stay in League 1 rudely extended by a team that were playing Kettering Town, Kingstonian and Hednesford Town in the years they were playing A.C Milan, Real Madrid and Valencia. It’s enough to make even the most ardent Peacock fan throw up into their Bovril. But enough about our noisy neighbours, what’s this got to do with Doncaster Rovers? Well, this lull in Yorkshire success just so happens to correspond with a prolonged period of success for Rovers. In the past eleven years of league football action we’ve secured a league title under Dave Penney and outings to the Millennium Stadium and Wembley, both of which have been triumphant. Housed in a new, ‘state of the art’ stadium and with the financial nonsense of the past two years somewhat behind us, Rovers finally have the make-up of a viable longterm team, by which I mean a team that doesn’t require a Premier League substitute.
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My proposition is that Rovers face a once in a generation chance to win the hearts of the once disillusioned youth who may have been tempted by Yorkshire rivals or forced to cushion their first choice football team with a Premier League supplement.
Doncaster is experiencing one of its most sustained periods of success in history while Yorkshire experiences its worst, so capturing the hearts of today’s youth is crucial if we’re to ensure the 12:36 to Leeds ships latte-drinking shoppers and not lager-swilling football fans. Until Donny gets a Trinity, we can have dibs on the latter. Wonderful!
JP
VOICE OF THE POP SIDE ANSWERS 1. Clarrie Jordan, 2. Alick Jeffrey, 3. Laurie Sheffield, 4. Peter Kitchen, 5. Glynn Snodin, 6. John Buckley, 7. Colin Cramb, 8. Francis Tierney, 9. John Ryan, 10. James Coppinger.
You may rightly ask why this article is being written now and not five years ago when we finished strongly in the Championship with a firm footing in the second tier. Well, our sustained success shows that this isn’t a blip, and if you’re telling me our last promotion from League 1 wasn’t enough to inspire a new generation of Rovers fans then I don’t know what is! Furthermore, and I can’t stress this enough, the thought only occurred to me last night.
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UNSUNG HEROES ROB JOHNSON PICKS OUT TEN OF HIS FAVOURITE UNSUNG ROVERS HEROES On various forums and messageboards over the years I’ve often seen people choose their ‘All-time Rovers XI’. Rather than confine myself to a formation I decided instead to choose just ten players, and name those who, from my time watching the club, I felt deserved a little extra praise. So here they are, in no particular order.
SIMON MARPLES
1999-2006 // 173 GAMES, 0 GOALS A stalwart of the Dave Penny side which achieved back-to-back promotions, yet Marples was never as loved as much as his defensive counterparts, such as Tim ‘Shoot’ Ryan and Mark ‘The Sarge’ Albrighton. ‘Marps’ was a consummate professional who never quite fulfilled the early potential which saw him linked with Sunderland and Everton. His frightening pace was offset by his ability to only run in straight lines but he made the right-back spot his own in a very strong Rovers side. Remarkably he never scored (or even looked like he might score) for Rovers. I always imagined he was saving up all manner of somersaults and dance routines for when he finally did hit the net, but alas we never had the opportunity to find out. I can only imagine how jealous he must have been when Dave Mulligan scored almost immediately upon signing as competition for his right-back berth.
SEAN McDAID
2005-2010 // 103 GAMES, 2 GOALS Amidst the despair at Sean McDaid’s career ending injury, it is easy to forget how good a player he actually was. Representing Scotland at youth level and winning Supporters’ Club, Players’ Player and Young Player of the Year in his first season McDaid had the world at his feet until a knee injury cut his career short. A fan favourite who was probably our most consistent player in our first seasons back in the third tier, McDaid was also a part of the remarkable League Cup run in 2005 scoring from the spot in the victory over Manchester City at Belle Vue.
TRISTRAM WHITMAN
2000-2003 // 69 GAMES, 15 GOALS
‘Heyyyyy Tris Whitman, ooh, ahh, I wanna kno-o-o-ow if you’ll score a goal’ came the chant from Pop Side. ‘No’ was often the answer. However, he did score a goal crucial enough to mean that Tristram Whitman deserves to be more than just a footnote in Rovers recent history. Signed from humble Arnold Town for £10,000, Whitman’s moment of glory came in the 94th minute of the crucial play-off firstleg against Chester, when he jinked inside to hit an unlikely equaliser from the edge of the box. Rovers had been incredibly poor that night, but this one moment of magic from Whitman kept us in the tie for the second leg.
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DAVE MORLEY
JAMES HAYTER
2002-2005 // 59 GAMES, 6 GOALS
2007-2012 // 162 GAMES, 33 GOALS
Another player often eclipsed by more popular defensive compatriots, ‘Dangerous’ Dave Morley still deserves a place in Rovers’ history. Never a man to let a simple lack of ability stop him from trying to dribble round two opposition players in his own six yard box, Morley often left Rovers fans with hearts in mouths and skids in pants. Surprisingly though, it was at the other end of the pitch where Morley made his biggest mark scoring six times in our Conference promotion season, including a towering header in the play-off final against Dagenham. I clearly remember starting to sob when he stepped up to take a penalty in the previous game’s shoot-out with Chester and being stunned as he duly dispatched his penalty into the top corner.
It seems strange having James Hayter on this list given that he scored arguably one of the most important goals in Rovers history against Leeds at Wembley. However, for reasons I have never understood Hayter has not been afforded the same amount of love and devotion lavished on players such as Paul Heffernan and, inexplicably, Jason ‘Afro Goal Machine’ Price. ‘Sir’ Franny Tierney scored a tap-in to win the Conference play-off final and has a huge banner hanging outside the Keepmoat. Where is Hayter’s recognition?
DAVE PENNEY
1998-2002 // 63 GAMES, 13 GOALS Dave Penney’s back to back promotions as manager have inevitably eclipsed his actual playing career with Rovers. But this is something of shame as he was a damn fine centre-midfielder. A former brick-layer, Penney was well loved by the flat-cap wearing, wood bine smoking section of Rovers support, and was a lynchpin of the ramshackle side put together by Ian Snodin in the initial non-league years. He played in both Conference League Cup finals (scoring in one) and also scored the winner against Football League Southend in the FA Cup. As a non-league side back then there was nothing more satisfying then getting one over on a League club, what with their fancy Goals on Sunday highlights and a sense of being the big shots because they hadn’t already played two games just to make the first round. Penney will always be loved as a manager, his playing contribution deserves acknowledgement.
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UNSUNG HEROES
CONTINUED FROM PAGES 30 AND 31 NEIL CAMPBELL
2000-2002 // 74 GAMES, 16 GOALS To say Neil ‘Goals’ Campbell had an indifferent start to his Rovers career is an understatement. Indeed the nickname ‘Goals’ was of course given ironically by the cheerfully hostile Pop Stand faithful. Campbell eventually won the fans over though with his physical approach and a successful second season which saw a decent return of 11 goals in 27 starts. Eventually he lost his place to Paul Barnes, but ‘Goals’ will always be remembered fondly for scoring a comedy own goal in the 90th minute of an LDV Vans Trophy game with Rochdale, only to score a glorious golden goal winner in the subsequent extra time moments later.
MARK WILSON
2004 & 2006-13 // 143 GAMES, 3 GOALS Roundly hated by large numbers of the Rovers support, despite being signed by three different managers and being present for two promotions. Mark Wilson was a virtual ever present in the Sean O’Driscoll glory days and while his job was primarily to pass the ball sideways to Brian Stock, or pass it backwards to Brian Stock he performed this role admirably. Obviously popular in the dressing room - as the wild celebrations following his perfect assist and vindicating 20-yard volley against Derby attest to - Wilson always came across as a true professional and a nice guy. Sadly, much like Adam Lockwood’s cameos as a substitute, Wilson was often unfairly made a scapegoat by supporters.
LEE WARREN
1994-2000 // 191 GAMES, 4 GOALS One thing which strikes me is that over the years, we have been blessed with a plethora of commanding centre backs; Moore, Nicol, Foster, Albrighton, Lee, Mills, Jones to name but a few. Lee Warren played more games for Rovers than any of those mentioned yet is regularly overlooked. Warren, along with Danny George, was the only player to stick with us following the disastrous and almost mortal relegation of 1997-98. He won Supporters’ Club Player of the Season two years running before being controversially released by Steve Wignall, despite featuring in 41 games in his final season. His legacy has perhaps suffered from relatively poor attendances during his time at the club, but he deserves to be remembered fondly by the Rovers faithful.
DON GOODMAN
2003 // 6 GAMES, 0 GOALS Journeyman striker Don Goodman arrived on loan at Rovers in 2003 to help push us over the line to promotion. Unfortunately he didn’t score, despite winning every single header he contested in his short spell at the club. The reasons for his inclusion here are threefold; firstly he seems like a really nice chap. Secondly, his wild celebrations after Sir Francis Tierney’s golden goal in the play-off final at the Britannia Stadium were a true delight for all concerned, and lastly, because I couldn’t think of anyone better.
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RJ
REG IPSA: LEGAL BEAGLE OUR RESIDENT LEGAL ADVISOR IS ALMOST SOBER AND READY TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS STAR LETTER WALSALL PACT Dear Reg, I think I need some divorce advice. For our 30th anniversary I took the wife to Walsall. She went shopping whilst I watched Rovers not turn up. She moaned all weekend - even in the youth hostel we stayed in. The next week I got her all dressed up and took her for to my favourite eaterie but apparently even the Sandall Park Café is not good enough for her. I am sleeping in the pigeon shed - is our love done for? Frank Toenail, Clay Lane
REG RESPONDS Sounds like you been spoiling that lady. I’m not sure you’d get a divorce, especially as you were thoughtful enough to not make her sit through that Walsall game. I would suggest mediation - or maybe a romantic supper down the KFC.
FIFA FO FUM Dear Reg, We bought our son Boris that new FIFA game. Since then he hasn’t left his room. He’s lost his job on the bogs at the Black Bull, his girlfriend has left him and his room smells of feet and jizz. Can we legally evict him? Peter Boggs, Thorne
BAKED OFF Dearest Reginald, I sit in the East Stand, but away from my Saturday afternoon whinge, I’ve just moved into a new retirement home wing. Since this Bake Off thing has been on the telly box several of the ladies are baking for me. One of the lasses, Kate, is well preserved but sadly her baking is bloody awful. Edith on the other hand is pig ugly but her cooking is divine. What should I do ? Derek Trickband, Shady Pines, Mexborough
REG RESPONDS Ordinarily Derek, life is all about compromise. But in this instance I see no reason why you cannot have your Kate and Edith too…
REG RESPONDS I rememer when my son was obsessed with that there Space Invaders. In the end we went and put an hammer through his computer thing. Still dunt talk to me. Anyway, have you tried getting him a ticket for the Rovers? Hang on - what am I thinking ?
HB
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JACK THE MINER’S COALFACE AN ENGLISHMAN, AN IRISHMAN, A SCOTSMAN AND A WELSHMAN, JACK THE MINER LOOKS AT THE UNFLAPPABLE PAUL DICKOV An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and Welshman walk into a pub. The Welshman - Brian Flynn - gets kicked out for looking suspiciously under age. The Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman buy him some crisps and a Fanta and tell him to sit in the car and not to touch anything.
‘So, John Ryan eh?’ says the Englishman, Dave Penney. ‘He wants his legs smacked if you ask me. What a carry on.’ The Irishman, Sean O’Driscoll, looks curious. ‘I thought you had a good relationship with JR? He went and got you Michael McIndoe didn’t he?
‘He did’ says a clearly irate Penney. ‘But it wasn’t all about the cheque book. I had to blood kids like Green, Price and Gill and take chances on other peoples cast offs like Ricky Ravenhill. And then he gave me the boot after two promotions and the highest league finish in decades.’ ‘Tell me about it,’ snapped O’Driscoll bitterly. ‘He told me I had a job for life.’ ‘A bag for life?’ queried Flynn, sneaking into the bar to ask for more crisps. The Englishman and the Irishman turned to the Scotsman, Paul Dickov. ‘You must hate JR,’ they said, in unison.
‘No. There’s no problem there,’ he said. ‘No problem?’ gasped Penney, with sprays of Tetleys gushing through his nose as his face turned red...’After the hedge fund fiasco and the One Direction farce. He cocked up two preseasons for you and you say there’s no problem?’ The Scot straightened his tie and sat up straight, sipping on his mineral water. ‘No, it’s just a different challenge I had to face. I can’t change history. I just have to get on with it. I’m happy with the task in front of me.’
‘You love John Ryan. He’s your boyfriend,’ said Flynn, cheekily, before being frogmarched back to the car with a Coke and a bag of Haribo bears. ‘Well, you must have been miffed at Richie Wellens badmouthing your squad in pre-season? You’d expect better from one of your senior pros.’ ‘No problem. He’s entitled to his opinion,’ responded the Scot. ‘I’d have twatted him,’ said Penney. ‘What would you have done Sean? ‘I’d have sat down and had a chat over a cup of tea Dave.’ ‘So what does piss you off? asked Penney. ‘Referees? ‘No. They have a tough job. They don’t always get it right but we all make mistakes.’ ‘International call ups?’
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‘No. It’s an honour for the player and the club. It improves players.’
‘So Paul. Some kids have just sprayed Cock Piss Dickov on your new car.’
‘Steve Evans?’
The Scot shrugged his shoulders. ‘Kids eh? Always having a laugh. Anyway, it’ll wash off.’
‘Not an issue. I’ve never heard of him.’ ‘Your wafer thin squad?’ ‘No. I’m comfortable with the squad.’ ‘The fact that you’re only interested in signing players that played for you at Oldham?’ ‘No. I’m happy with my array of contacts in the game.’ O’Driscoll sat, bemused and joined in.
‘So, we’ve established you’re happy with everything but how about the continued long term absence of Rob Jones?’ ‘No problem. It presents a great opportunity for McCullough and Wakefield.’ ‘How about Forrester’s disciplinary record?’ ‘It’s a satisfying job working on improving that side of his game.’ ‘Is the Keepmoat pitch too hard?’ ‘No. It’s perfect.’ ‘Not enough chips in the snack bar?’ ‘Just about right I’d say.’ Penney and O’Driscoll looked at each other in disbelief and suggested Dickov get a round in. ‘This is a man they called The Wasp,’ said O’Driscoll. ‘He was an in your face, never-say-die, pain in the arse and here he is, in the world’s most pressured job, and he’s unflappable, positive and determined to look for the good in every situation.
‘To be fair,’ said Penney, ‘He’s either in denial or a robot...or German. Shush. He’s coming back. Let’s go for the jugular.’
O’Driscoll lined up for a go...’I hear your wife has run off with the milkman Paul.’
‘Is that so Sean? Well, I didn’t see that coming, but he’s a nice guy and I wish them both well.’ The Englishman and Irishman gave each other a look of resignation. The Scot was clearly a man determined to be constructive and upbeat no matter what life threw at him. The Englishman decided to change the subject.
‘Well Paul. Nice win at Scunthorpe. Thought the players coped with the windy conditions well.’ ‘Was it that windy?’ asked the Scot. ‘Well, I noticed your hair was getting a bit ruffled...’ The Scot narrowed his eyes. ‘And your point is?’
‘No point Paul. I was just saying, it must have been a bit windy because your hair was a bit of a mess.’ ********
South Yorkshire Police Statement Following an altercation in a local public house, one man was arrested and two men were left needing medical treatment at the scene. Two mini-buses of officers were needed and a specialist team were forced to use tear gas and a Tazer to bring the aggressor under control. A young boy at the scene, believed to be with the two adult males was given a Milky Bar and a ride home to his mam in a police car. No further statements will be made at this stage.
JTM
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WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND OUR MAN DUTCH UNCLE HAS TIRED OF STATISTICS AND TURNED TO MUSIC WITH; THE DAY THAT BELLE VUE DIED I had the most terrible nightmare the other night. First of all I dreamt the Royal Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Numbers had determined that I had a been crunching far too many would-be primes, often leaving them well and truly factored. They said it was a cardinal sin and ordered me to stop my continuous abuse of digits. Then the dream took a turn for the worse and the night took my tortured soul through so many of Rovers lowest points, jumbled in a particularly random and painful order. Then I looked up and through swirling mist I saw a ghostly Christ-like figure holding out his hands to me, with a Madonna behind him. He seemed vaguely familiar, the mists started to clear, and then to my surprise I saw it was none other than Don MacLean, not the British comedian of the improbably large smile, but the US singer-songwriter, and it was indeed Madonna behind him, taking notes on how not to sing American Pie. They started singing together I grabbed a pen and wrote down the lyrics of their strange version... A long, long time ago I can still remember how the Rovers used to make me smile And I knew if they took their chance That they could make us fans all dance And maybe we’d be happy for a while.
But February made us shiver With every loss that they’d deliver Bad news in the boardroom I couldn’t take all that gloom. I can’t remember if I cried When I read about her burnt MainSide But something touched me deep inside The day that Belle Vue died.
So bye-bye, my Belle Vue Pop Side Drove from Bessie to the Chessie, but the Chessie was dry And them Rovers fans were drinkin’ gallons and more Singin’ ‘This’ll be the day that they score. This’ll be the day that they score’ Did you write the book of rules? And do you have faith in FFP If the FL tells you so? Now do you believe in KM3? Can football save your sanity? And can you teach me how to drink real tea? Well, I know that you’re in love with Sean ‘Cause I saw you boiling cups till dawn You both dipped bags in twos Man, I dig those Tetley hot brews. I was a lonely teenage full-on flirt With an old Ford Escort and a Rovers shirt, But I knew I was full of hurt The day that Belle Vue died.
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So bye-bye, my Belle Vue Pop Side Drove from Bessie to the Chessie, but the Chessie was dry And them Rovers fans were drinkin’ gallons and more Singin’ ‘This’ll be the day that they score This’ll be the day that they score’ Now for eight years we’ve been in our Moat, And grass grows not on a sandy coat But that’s not how it used to be When Jeffrey scored on the billiard green With wonder goals buried at BV To a scream that came from you and me. Oh, and while the King was looking down Theo Streete did steal his heady crown The old ground was adjourned No replay was returned. And while Penney dropped in Marks and Sparks, A quartet practiced in Hyde Park And we crossed caseys in the dark The day that Belle Vue died.
So bye-bye, my Belle Vue Pop Side Drove from Bessie to the Chessie, but the Chessie was dry And them Rovers fans were drinkin’ gallons and more Singin’ ‘This’ll be the day that they score This’ll be the day that they score’ Helter skelter in a Saunders swelter The ball flew up with a hoofball belter Eight miles high and falling fast It landed full on the grass Between our back four who missed the pass With Rob Jones on the sidelines in a cast.
Now the halftime air was foul and fume, While the Vikettes played a marching tune We all got up to dance Oh, but we never got the chance. ‘Cause the players tried to take the field. The Football League refused to yield The Takeover was never sealed The day that Belle Vue died.
So bye-bye, my Belle Vue Pop Side Drove from Bessie to the Chessie, but the Chessie was dry And them Rovers fans were drinkin’ gallons and more Singin’ ‘This’ll be the day that they score This’ll be the day that they score’ Oh, and there we were in ninety-eight With relegation on our plate With no cash left to start again So come on, no fat goalies, play the game. Please don’t flash with your lighter flame ‘Cause fire is the devil’s only friend. Oh, and as I watched him on the stage My hands were clenched in fists of rage No angel born in Hell Could break that arsonist’s spell And as the flames climbed high into the night To light the sacrificial rite I saw the man laughing with delight The day that Belle Vue died ...continued on page 38
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WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND CONTINUED FROM PAGES 36 AND 37 He was singin’ Bye-bye, my Belle Vue Main Side Drove from Bessie to the Chessie, but the Chessie was dry And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and ryes Singin’ ‘This’ll be the day that it fries This’ll be the day that it fries’ I met a man who watched the Blues And I begged him for some happy news, But he just smiled and turned away I went to read the Leicester score But I’d known the result for days before And all along the Brummies wouldn’t play. And in the streets, the fans all screamed The players cried, the board still dreamed No Takeover was spoken The fans’ hearts all were broken And the three men I admire most That’s JR, Copps and Alick’s ghost Were at the last match she did host The day that Belle Vue died.
And they were singin’ Bye-bye, My Belle Vue, my pride Drove from Bessie to the Chessie, but the Chessie was dry And them Rovers fans were drinkin’ John Smiths and Fries Singin’ “This’ll be the day that it dies, This’ll be the day that it dies’. Then I gradually awoke, first to the sound of Michael Flatley tippytappying to strains of ‘I am the Lord of the Pass said Sean’, then to the wailing of Bob Marley and ‘No JR, no club’ and eventually to the melancholy crooning of Leonard Cohen’s impenetrable lyrics about some of Rovers tragic heroes. Then suddenly things went from Bard to Verse and I heard the unmistakeable lilt of Dylan Thomas’ uglylovely Swansea voice demanding ‘Do not go gentle with those good stats...’ I think you are right Dylan bach, back to the stats next time.
THIS ISSUE STEVE IS... ...stuck behind his own desk Here he tries to tell reporters it’s for a John & Yoko style sit-in, but we know it’s because his gut is wedged fast. 38 | PS72 | Oct/Nov 2014 | a football fanzine for the likes of Doncaster
BW