EDITORIAL ‘Can we stay in League Two forever? It’s so entertaining’ said a fellow fan on Facebook last weekend, and it’s hard not to agree with the sentiment. Even the few games I’ve seen have felt a world away from the weary trudge of our most recent campaigns.
Friends, Rovers, Doncastrians I’ve noticed, and I’m sure I’m not alone here, a much more upbeat air around the Keepmoat Stadium at Rovers’ matches this season. Admittedly, I have only been to a solitary home game before today, and so I accept there is a chance I simply got lucky. But, the clouds that hung over the stadium in recent seasons certainly seem to have dissipated. Perhaps it’s a relief to be away from the monotony of League One; perhaps it’s a yearning for a fresh start, perhaps the drop to crowds of below 5,000 has actually seen us shake off the moaners and the doom-mongers whose constant criticisms hung in the matchday air. It could be any of these things; it could be all of them. But what I do know is that I enjoyed Rovers 4-1 demolition of Yeovil at the end of August more than - Stoke aside - I’ve enjoyed any other Rovers home game in years, and I know I’m not alone.
Which is what football should be, because, yes it may get serious once in a while, and we’ll all get uncomfortable during the inevitable post-Christmas slump, but for now let’s just revel in it. We’re winning games, we’re scoring goals and we’re being carried along by a club legend in the form of his life. What’s not to enjoy about your match day? Due credit then should be afforded at this time to both Darren Ferguson and the decision-makers at the club who elected to stick by him into the new season. The new signings – in particular John Marquis, Matty Blair and Joe Wright – look like inspired captures, as to do the loanees who’ve helped plug the gaps during injuries to the rest of the squad.
CONTENTS: ISSUE 84 5 9 10 11 12 14 16 18 20
The Bernard Glover Diaries Trump on Rovers Go Away Remembering the First Time Howard’s Marks Voice of the Pop Side Lazarus Rises Beneath the Statue The Shirt Locker
21 22 24 26 28 31 32 34 35 3
Conference Calls Jack the Miner’s Coal Face For Peat’s Sake Gary Brabin Memorial Lounge Marshall Matters Follows the Rovers Windmills of Your Mind Reg Ipsa; Legal Beagle Laws of the Game - School Edition
In Blair, Marquis, Tommy Rowe, James Coppinger, and Andy Williams it’s neither unfair nor biased to suggest we’ve the strongest attacking five in the division. Let’s just hope we can keep them in fitness and form.
I don’t. Not without Googling. It might be one, might be two. It might be all of them. OK, probably not all of them, but the point remains this Trophy has issues far deeper than ‘singing your heart out for the boys’.
As I’ve mentioned one social media post which stood out to me this month, I’ll mention another which I spotted on twitter following Rovers latest match in the Checkatrade Trophy. ‘Hope Rovers go all the way just to see all those ‘boycotting’ turn up at Wembley!’ Now, it’s great to see Rovers less experienced players, like Will Longbottom and Alfie Beestin, performing well in the trophy games, and it’s nice to see them winning games. But if you’ve any ire over the low crowds there to witness their endeavours, then you’re severely offtarget if you’re chucking it the way of your fellow Rovers fans.
Boycotting, properly boycotting, is not an easy option to take for a wellseasoned supporter – no matter how many inverted commas you bookend the word with. We all want to be at as many Rovers games as possible, but in a world where football supporters have seemingly fewer and fewer ways of making authorities take notice, we have to go to our only remaining trump card; our wallets. You shouldn’t belittle anyone who’s taken a firm stance for something they believe in, you should at the very least respect their reasoning and their commitment. If Rovers do reach Wembley then yeah, it certainly will create a moral quandary for many of us – myself included, but crucially it won’t render the boycott of the Trophy’s early games meaningless.
This season’s competition is a mess, and myself and other contributors will touch on that elsewhere in this issue. But as a quick indication of its obtrusiveness, consider this; do you even know how many teams progress from the group stages which the tournament is currently in?
Thanks, as ever for supporting the fanzine. Viva Rovers
4
THE BERNARD GLOVER DIARIES IT’S OK, YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES AND COME OUT FROM BEHIND THE SOFA - FOOTBALL IS OK AGAIN! SATURDAY 27 AUGUST ROVERS 4-1 YEOVIL TOWN
TUESDAY 30 AUGUST MANSFIELD TOWN 0-2 ROVERS
‘Past his sell-by date’ and ‘living off his reputation for far too long;’ just a couple of early season observations of James Coppinger that he blew out the water against Yeovil as the captain delivered a vintage performance in a third successive win. But though Coppinger was the architect; Andy Williams rightly took the headlines for a hat-trick that will do his confidence a world of good. It took just 34 seconds for the forward to volley home his first, and he didn’t look back.
Fair play to Alfie Beestin who marked his Rovers debut with a goal, and congratulations also to Reece Fielding, Danny Amos and Joe Pugh who also made their first appearances for the club at Field Mill. Just a shame for them they came in an absolute shambling nonsense of a competition.
SATURDAY 3 SEPTEMBER CREWE ALEXANDRA 2-1 ROVERS Two defeats at Gresty Road inside four months; it’s almost as if twittertrolling Crewe for chucking away that injury-time lead at the Keepmoat last season wasn’t a brilliant media-savvy idea that definitely wouldn’t come back to haunt us.
That said, it wasn’t until the second half that the match got going. Andy Butler picked out Matty Blair on the right and though his cross was too long, Tommy Rowe retrieved it and teed up Coppinger to volley home Rovers’ second. It should’ve been plain sailing from then, but within a minute Blair opted for a header back to Marko Marosi that was so easy to read it came in pop-up form and Ryan Hedges was waiting to turn it home for 2-1.
Rovers had travelled to Crewe confident - looking to achieve a fifth successive victory for the first time in a decade - but that confidence was duly dented by Ryan Lowe’s first-half goal. Darren Ferguson’s men reacted well though, forcing a number of fine saves from Crewe’s Ben Garratt before Rowe finally equalised from the penalty spot.
Rovers always looked the stronger side though and after Bevis Mugabi picked up a second yellow card they made the man advantage count. With ten minutes to go Coppinger nutmegged the Yeovil left-back and bore towards the by-line, cutting back for Williams to make it 3-1. And in injury time Williams claimed the match ball as he met Rowe’s cross with a perfectly placed header.
But this was to be Crewe’s day as James Jones snatched a winner for the hosts late on. 5
Having ended things at Morecambe with an excellent goal, he duly began things here in exactly the same manner; curling a direct free-kick into the net before the Black Bank had chance to hurl their appreciative confetti.
SATURDAY 10 SEPTEMBER MORECAMBE 1-5 ROVERS When you’re making your 500th appearance for the club, you can be allowed and afforded an afternoon coasting. But that’s just not James Coppinger’s way, and instead the midfielder ran the show on the Lancastrian coast; orchestrating a perfect performance from Rovers to which Morecambe had simply no answer.
Visitors Newport offered little but for physical presence and occasional flashes of creativity on the counter attack; former Rovers ‘beast’ Jon Parkin caused some problems but still missed their best chance – an open goal following a rare defensive mix up that had left the otherwise excellent Marosi stranded.
It was Coppinger’s corner which led to the opening goal; Andy Butler turning the ball home. Shortly afterwards John Marquis finished off a sweeping, passing move for 2-0, and though Cole Stockton’s well-taken volley before half-time could’ve derailed things it proved to be but a blip.
Rovers were always in control though and just before the hour mark doubled their lead as Rowe charged down a defensive pass and pulled back for Williams to slot home. Job done; Rovers in the promotion places. It’s alright League Two innit?
The second half all Coppinger. A classic run down the right, cutting and weaving past player after player, didn’t quite find the net, but Marquis was more than happy to tap in for 3-1. Blair went one better as he made his own terrorising run down the Rovers right, before poking home the fourth goal. But there was only one way this game could end; the man himself letting fly from 25 yards to find the bottom corner of the net; and be chaired buoyantly towards the travelling fans by his team-mates. A truly perfect afternoon.
SATURDAY 24 SEPTEMBER LUTON TOWN 3-1 ROVERS Yeah, of course we spoke to soon. Rovers flew out of the traps at the living Beamish Museum exhibit that is Kenilworth Road; Marquis missed a sitter of a header, Williams hit the bar, and when Coppinger flashed in the opening goal after quarter of an hour it looked like there could only be one winner. But in the long post-goal delay caused by an injury to Luton’s skipper Rovers seemingly had the momentum and life sucked out of them.
SATURDAY 17 SEPTEMBER ROVERS 2-0 NEWPORT COUNTY We could be accused of fawning over Coppinger a little too much in this edition’s diary, but don’t blame us. Blame the man himself for turning his League Two season into his own unofficial highlights reel.
They simply never got going again and in a game in which they should’ve been out-of-sight found themselves 2-1 down at the break. 6
Town’s third goal extinguished any hope of a way back in; the otherwise excellent Wright bringing down Pelly Ruddock for a well-despatched penalty. I’d be lying if I said the spectacle of the Phantom of the Opera, Danny Hylton, being dismissed for throwing a litter-picker towards a linesman hadn’t lifted the mood slightly, but the game was long lost.
LEO FORTUNE-WEST
In Home Bargains opposite Sandall Park; buying some Haribo, plus an impulse purchase of grass seed for patchy lawns – probably to reseed the worn out six-yard box in his garden. @DrMuttley
MONDAY 26 SEPTEMBER In an earth shattering Yorkshire Post interview Darren Ferguson tells the paper that Gary McSheffrey won’t be back from injury until he’s ready.
SAM HIRD
At Tesco on Bawtry Road. I offered him my gardening skills, but apparently he does his own @Louis_Bailey_
TUESDAY 27 SEPTEMBER ROVERS 2-2 CARLISLE UNITED This was a night on which the seasons many emerging themes converged in one game. Missed penalties; magnificent Coppinger and shaky defence when under pressure. Carlisle are a good side and it is no surprise they remain undefeated at the time of writing; well organised at the back, solid going forward and effective across the full width of the pitch.
JASON PRICE
At the Keepmoat watching his lad in the development centre. His hair is still better than Keshi Anderson’s, I don’t care what anyone says. @woztomes
GREGG BLUNDELL
Coming out of a branch of Timpsons in Birkenhead; he was looking sheepish. @SheepskinStu
However, in the first half here they were no match for a rampant Rovers, despite having edged ahead. Coppinger was everywhere as was Rowe who levelled things up. From then the floodgates opened and there could and should have been more goals than the one scored by Marquis at the end of the half.
PETER KITCHEN
Posing for a photo with Yvette from Allo Allo at a press evening for a play at Southwark Playhouse. @AndrewThackwray
LEO FORTUNE-WEST
A second-half penalty should certainly have put the game beyond doubt, but Rowe became the latest man to miss from the spot and Jabo Ibehre’s inevitable equaliser certainly made Rovers pay for it.
Stood chatting at Clock Corner, looking tired of the conversation and desperate to get on his way. @nenpod 7
BERNARD GLOVER DIARIES
THURSDAY 6 OCTOBER
CONTINUED FROM PAGES 6 AND 7
Doncaster Rovers Belles edge closer to the FA Women’s Super League 1 trapdoor with a heavy home defeat to Arsenal. The Belles, beaten 5-0, are still yet to pick up a league point with just a handful of games remaining, but still have games in hand on those above them.
SATURDAY 1 OCTOBER PORTSMOUTH 1-2 ROVERS We recorded the first ever fanzine podcast two days before this game, and then somewhat inevitably watched all our carefully thought-out predictions and observations get duly taken apart. Firstly none of Portsmouth’s ex-Rovers quartet found the net, but Marquis duly did. A player we’d adjudge to be a pest around goal with little panache, stole the ball from a long clearance and finished with, well, panache.
SATURDAY 8 OCTOBER ROVERS 3-2 BARNET In the words of our match reporter, Lazarus, ‘it’s tempting to focus on another bizarre Trevor Kettle performance – epitomised by his second half decision to stop play midRovers attack, wait two minutes, then award a dropball – but it would be unjust to let him overshadow what was actually an enthralling contest’.
Before half-time it was 2-0 as Andy Williams took advantage of some poor defending to double Rovers’ lead. Having highlighted Rovers tendency to capitulate in the second half we expected the worst when Carl Baker struck for the home side before halftime. However, Rovers held firm, Marosi made some brilliant saves and despite a nervy old forty-five minutes, we return from the south coast with an impressive three points tucked in our back pocket.
Though it’s becoming a bit of a cliché now, Coppinger opened the scoring with a brilliant goal; volleying in from the edge of the box, and Matty Blair doubled the advantage after a great run down the right. Barnet in contrast resorted to hurling long-throws into the box until Rovers defence suffered enough collective repetitive-strain in their necks to allow a chance to appear. Inevitably it worked as first Bira Dembélé’s pulled a goal back and then, in the final minutes, Luke Garbin equalised.
TUESDAY 4 OCTOBER ROVERS 2-2 DERBY COUNTY U21s (4-2 ON PENALTIES) Rovers defeated Derby County’s ball-boys, mascots and, er, Andreas Weimann, with a penalty shoot-out win that secures an extra point as if this were some kind of bloody cricket competition. Marosi made the matchwinning save after Liam Mandeville and Will Longbottom had each scored in normal time. The game also saw a welcome return to action for Paul Keegan.
Cue a frantic finale that saw Williams controversially booked for diving, before Blair went on a sensational run down the right, crossing for Williams to convert at the near post, and secure Rovers all three points. When not even Trevor Kettle can ruin your day, you know you’re onto a good thing. 8
TRUMP ON ROVERS THERE’S NO ESCAPING DONALD TRUMP THESE DAYS, SO WE THOUGHT WE’D GET HIS VIEWS ON THE ROVERS What do I think about Doncaster? Honestly? Well, let me tell you. I’ll tell you. OK… look, so they got this guy Ferguson. And they stick with him, Ferguson, they stick with him. I don’t know why, I mean the guy he already got them relegated, and yet they stick by him. Me? I like my managers to be non-relegating. To not get relegated. But not these guys. I guess they’re happy with a loser. And that’s real sad. Because that’s not what I’m about.
And the other guy they got. The forward. John Marquis. Marquis. Like that, Marquis. Now, an extremely credible source has called my office and told me that his birth certificate is a fraud. I’m not saying it is or it isn’t, I’m not speculating, and you may not think Marquis is all that British a surname. But that’s your call. I’m just saying there’s a source. And so I think we need to see that. Can we trust this guy? I mean Marquis. Is that really a London name? I’m not saying. Just a credible source you know, so we gotta be sure. We gotta check that out.
So anyway you all know this guy Ferguson. Y’all know what he’s about. He’s only got them playing once, maybe twice a week. Just once a week. That’s all. That’s all this guy Ferguson does. Now for him that might be rnough, right? I’m not judging. But you know if it were me, and I’m just saying this, because it’s not me, but you know if it were me. I’d have that team playing five, six times a week. Believe me.
Now. Ok. So, I’m thinking I gotta visit Doncaster. I’m thinking I gotta go up there and show them how to run a football club. And I can do that. I can. I’ve got great business acumen. I’m a smart guy. I understand offside, throw-ins, double-faults. All that. I’ve never lost a match in League Two yet. I’m telling you. And I’m not being humble here. I mean I’m probably the humblest guy there is, but I gotta put myself out there once in a while. Doncaster, I’m coming for ya, and together we’re gonna make Doncaster great again.
Now I don’t want to talk about the players, but look. Now you know this will get miss-represented and the media will pick up on it. And they’ll change what I say. Because they do that. And look, no-one has more respect for players than Donald Trump, but they do that. But anyway, they got this guy Coppinger. What kind of a name is that Coppinger? And the guys been there for like an age. And they keep putting him in. I mean come on. The guy’s like 90 and they still play him. Come on. 9
GO AWAY! OUR VERY DISPENSABLE GUIDE TO ROVERS’ AWAY GAMES GIVES THE LOWDOWN ON BLACKPOOL
Blackpool
What’s it famous for?
Bloomfield Road 22 October
The most famous attraction in Blackpool is of course the Tower, built to replicate the Eiffel Tower much in the same way that tinned ravioli replicates the rich depthness of Italian cuisine. The Tower stands 518ft tall and on a good day you can see the Isle of Man, maybe even the mountains of North Wales; on a bad day you can just see Blackpool.
Blackpool sea-front always puts me in mind of Barbara Cartland. A façade way past its prime desperate to continue to appeal to visitors by caking itself in gaudiness. For the heavy foundation and the bright blue eye-shadow read slot machines and illuminated trams, still trundling up and down the sea-front under the misconception that we can still be wowed by a bus with neon tubes glued on it in an age when the iPad exists.
What’s the away end like? One of my favourite away day memories is watching a Rovers fan sat in Bloomfield Road’s temporary seats spend an age blowing up a beach-ball, finally finishing his arduous task by throwing it up in the air with a cheer and then watching crestfallen as a biting Irish Sea gale blew it straight out the ground and halfway to Lancaster.
But then this is an optimistic town. It has to be, and it’s reflected in the names of its hotels and cafes, yearning desperately for a more cosmopolitan vibe; The Parisienne, The Astoria, Café Rendezvous. However, where as Paris has a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ Blackpool boasts more of an ‘I don’t know why’. Modern day Blackpool has a reputation as being a mecca for bingo halls, (pun-intended) stag-dos, and hen-dos. However, as anyone who’s recently visited can tell you, this couldn’t be nearer to the truth. In 2015 the Council moved to lessen the burden of stag and hen-dos by placing town-wide bans on L plates, flashing devil-horns, group t-shirts with names on the back, and people called Darren. As a result of their actions complaints of stag and hen laryness have now halved.
Sadly that’s unlikely to be re-enacted due to a number of reasons, firstly they’ve put a roof on that temporary stand, secondly they’ve closed it and shifted away fans into the North Stand, and thirdly because ironic possession of a beach ball was made illegal in 2013 and is punishable by either a £75 on-the-spot fine, or being made to blow up a couple of lilos for a pair of demanding five-year-olds. 10
REMEMBERING THE FIRST TIME LEWIS REEVES IS THE LATEST SUPPORTER TO SHARE MEMORIES OF HIS FIRST ROVERS GAME It’s a funny first memory watching the mighty Doncaster Rovers. We were hosting Yeovil Town and if memory serves right it wasn’t our finest 90 minutes of football, however it was my first match and I was itching to get down to Belle Vue.
The game itself isn’t one for the archives as we go a goal down early on and it doesn’t look like changing. Our manager at the time is Ian Snodin; it’s getting late into the match and Ian isn’t exactly holding back in letting the players know exactly what he thinks of the performance. In doing so there’s a few moments of let’s say ‘choice language’ that escapes him and slip into his tactical touch-side feedback.
I was with my grandad, Stephen Ross, a man now immortalised on the memorial wall of the Keepmoat Stadium. I remember feeling the excitement and energy of the crowd outside. Pies, programmes and pints: I grab two out of the three – I’m eight – and I fly through the gates to get a look of what lay on the other side.
My grandad - not happy with the language - leans over to tell Snodin to mind his Ps and Qs but whilst doing so lets a swear word slip himself. ‘Do you mind Ian, my **** grandson is here, so watch the language.’
I’m pitch side and its electric. I could see my mates from school packed at the back, so I stopped for a quick chat and chant, to show face and let them know I too was now part of the regiment. ‘Sorry lads I can’t stop, I’m down the front with my grandad.’ A programme in one hand and a pie in the other, buzzing. The ref blows the whistle to start the game and the collective roar that comes from the whole ground makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end; not sure why but I join in with a ‘Come on Rovers!’ It feels right.
At that a bigger roar than I experienced at the kick off now falls upon the pitch, this time with some substitutes also joining in on the gag. Ian sees the funny side, has a chuckle and waves at me and my grandad. Gramps looks down at me gives me a wink and we both share a chuckle, magic. It didn’t make it into the match highlights, but has remained a very fond memory of my grandad and my first ever Rovers game.
Can you remember your first Rovers game?
Why not share it with an audience of not quite thousands, maybe somewhere nearer 400 or so - on a good day - by writing about it for popular STAND? Get in touch by tweeting @vivarovers, or emailing popularstand@outlook.com 11
HOWARD’S MARKS CONTINUING TO PLAY AWAY HOWARD BONNETT PAYS A VISIT TO THE GATEWAY TO EUROPE I left Doncaster nine years ago and, living 40 miles away from the Keepmoat, I regularly travel along the M62 and skirt around (or sometimes through) what proudly claims to be the ‘Gateway to Europe’ – Goole. Having reported back from other grounds in recent editions of popular STAND, this seemed the next logical place to go.
On 1 September ex-Goole player Dave Anderson returned from Barton Town to take over the helm and he’d already recruited several players in the days leading up the game I went to on 20 September against fell strugglers Ossett Albion. The Vikings’ start to the season had been poor to say the least, with no points from their first seven games. Ossett, who’ve been in this division for 13 seasons were only two places higher. I expected the fans to be downcast much like the misery which has hung over the Rovers for the last few seasons. I was wrong. Buoyed with the type of optimism and blind faith only a football fan could possess they all felt the league table was not a true picture and that a mid table finish was likely. And though the ground was sparsely attended, it was lovingly run by a willing band of volunteers.
Goole AFC (also known as The Vikings) are in the First Division North of the Evo-Stick League and play at the Victoria Pleasure Grounds. Prior to this season they were part of the Southern division, but after finishing third-bottom last season were switched across in a divisional reshuffle. The town has a population of about 20,000, and their current club was formed from the ashes of Goole Town who dissolved in 1996-97. The new incarnation started in the Central Midlands League and have worked their way up the divisions with various lean periods in between. For the last few years though it has been hard for them to make progress with lack of funds and a lack of local engagement; crowds of about 150 are the norm.
They’re using Twitter to try to get bigger crowds down to the Victoria Pleasure Grounds, and the #TryThe Pie slogan caught my eye. Goole proudly boast that they have the best pie in non-league, so of course I was duty bound to check this out. They weren’t lying. Lovely crust, nice meat, gravy and enough chips to sink a ship. And the peas were just the right sort of mushy.
Goole’s current season is somewhat mirroring Rovers’ 2015-16, with an early change of management after Lee Morris resigned to take the vacant manager position at Frickley Athletic. 12
So, if the urge to see a non-league game strikes you, give Goole a try. Twenty minutes up the M18 and M62 and you will be warmly welcomed. Simon on the turnstile, George on the programmes and Joint Chairman Andy Norman were very gracious hosts. The crowd were chatty and everyone was on first name terms, even the officials. I’ll certainly go back to see Goole again. If the football isn’t up to much – the pie certainly will be.
Season tickets at £120, or £110 if bought early, give you an average price per game of £6. Turnstile prices of £8 and £5 for concessions, £2 for 14-17 year olds with under 14s in free show the club are really doing their best to engage the local community. What a shame then that less than 1% of the them are turning up. I wish them well getting more through the gates. The game itself was a half decent one. Goole took a while to get into it, but both teams were spirited, and the final score of 1-1 at least gave The Vikings their first point of the season. The refereeing wasn’t bad, and though the linesman got plenty of abuse (largely for his resemblance to Phil Mitchell) the atmosphere was good. I counted 17 away fans so there could’ve been a fairly accurate chant of ‘Come in a taxi’ – if only someone had bothered. In my defence I was tucking into the pie.
The important stuff? Well beyond the entry prices the programme was £1.50, golden goal £1 (I had November written on mine), a pint of bitter for £2.80 and for £4.50 the finest pie, chips, peas and gravy I have ever had at a ground – non league or otherwise. And for the die-hard; Bovril or Oxo for a quid. So I throw down the gauntlet to the popular STAND readers – when and where was the best pie you ever had at a football game? Perhaps we can build a league table of pastry or hot food based reviews. We can call it a pie chart!
Having spoken to their fans and watched them play I can see some cause for optimism. Especially with players like Jack McCarthy, Curtly Martin Wyatt and the terrifically named Nathan Modest.
27
VOICE OF THE POP SIDE JOHN COYLE LOOKS AT ROVERS OFT-FORGOTTEN RECORD LEAGUE APPERANCE HOLDER; FRED EMERY Although James Coppinger holds the record for the most appearances for Doncaster Rovers, there is one record he still has to better. At the time of writing, Coppinger had made 395 starts in Football League matches (excluding play-offs) and stands third in that particular category. Ahead of him are Bert Tindill, who started 401 League matches in the period immediately after World War Two, and the record holder, Fred Emery. His tally of 417 starts may be beaten by the current Rovers skipper before the end of this season, so now is perhaps a good time to look back on the career of a man who served Rovers with distinction for 16 years.
It had been a rather gentle introduction, but the following season, 1925-26, Fred became an established member of the Rovers first team. Fred was never a prolific goalscorer, but in January 1926 he scored his first goal for Rovers in an 8-1 rout of Coventry City, Rovers’ then record League victory. He made 38 League appearances, helping Rovers climb to a respectable 10th in Division Three (North). Dick Ray left to manage Leeds and was replaced by David Menzies, who had been Fred’s boss at Bradford City. Under Menzies Rovers made steady improvements, finishing fourth in 1927-28 and fifth in 1928-29. It was perhaps no coincidence that Fred Emery missed only two League games in those seasons.
Frederick David Emery was born in Lincoln on 19 May 1900. In football terms he was a late developer, and he didn’t make his professional debut until the age of 23. After a spell on Lincoln City’s books he made five League appearances for Bradford City in the 1923-24 season. Rovers’ manager Dick Ray signed Emery in the summer of 1924. Fred took a while to establish himself, making his debut on 6 December 1924 in the unfamiliar role of left-back as Rovers beat Hartlepools United 1-0. Fred made a further ten appearances that season in his preferred role of left-half-back. Nowadays we would probably think of him as a defensive midfielder.
Rovers had been heavily reliant on the goals of talismanic forward Tom Keetley, whose Rovers record of 186 goals in all games is unlikely to ever be surpassed. In 1927-28 Keetley scored 36 goals, a tally he exceeded a year later with a then-record haul of 40. But Keetley had a difficult relationship with the Rovers’ board, threatening to quit the game at one point and finally leaving to join Notts County in 1929. Keetley’s departure meant a new job for Fred Emery, who took on the role of penalty-taker, but also left a huge gap. Rovers found this difficult to fill and for the next three seasons they were in the lower half of the Third North table. 14
Still Rovers had Mr Consistency, and in 1932 Fred Emery was appointed captain. He was now very much Menzies’ right-hand man. Missing only four games, Fred led Rovers to sixth place, contributing five goals. A year later, he was an ever present and registered his best ever goal tally, scoring six as Rovers ended 1933-34 in fifth. Rovers’ fans who looked forward with optimism to 1934-35 would find their faith justified.
Fred’s team enjoyed good seasons in Division Three (North), twice finishing runners-up, but in September 1939 war was declared and a season that promised much was cut short. Despite 16 years’ service with Rovers and a decent record as manager, Fred Emery was soon to lose his job. In July 1940, the Rovers Directors decided to dispense with his services as an economy measure, a sad end to the Rovers career of such a loyal servant.
The 1934-35 season saw Rovers secure their first Football League divisional title, as they won Division Three (North) by two points. Key to Rovers success was the goals of left-winger Albert Turner, who scored 25, and centre-forward Reg Baines who scored 21 after arriving in December from Sheffield United. Another factor was the consistency of the full-backs Wilf Shaw and Arthur Rodgers and the half-backs, George Flowers and Fred Emery. Fred missed only four games after picking up an injury in the home game with Rotherham United. At the end of the season he had the honour as captain of collecting the Championship shield.
In 1943 Fred Emery was appointed manager of Bradford Park Avenue, a job he held until 1951. He then moved on to become manager of Carlisle United, resigning in April 1958. Just over a year later, in May 1959, Fred Emery died, shortly before his 59th birthday.
So Rovers were in Division Two and began the season well before falling away after Christmas to finish 18th. This was to be Fred’s final season as a player, because in February 1936 David Menzies resigned to take up the manager’s job at Hull City. Fred took charge of a Rovers team on the slide and they were relegated a year later. Fred had continued to play until the end of the 1935-36 season, when aged 36, he hung up his boots and concentrated on the manager’s job.
Fred Emery is perhaps not as well remembered at Rovers as he should be. He was not a prolific goalscorer like Tom Keetley or Alick Jeffrey and he didn’t create the kind of legends that players like Sid Bycroft and Charlie Williams did. He was a solidly dependable player, greatly influential on and off the field and the man who captained Rovers to their first League honour. He was a man whose memory deserves to be celebrated at Doncaster Rovers. 15
LAZARUS RISES SIT NEAR A MISERABLE SO-AND-SO IN THE GROUND? SO DOES LAZARUS It’s been positive start to the season for Rovers, which has in turn brought a surreal matchday optimism to the Keepmoat. For most of us this has been a novel, and rather pleasant, paradigm shift, following the relentless dread and anguish that has plagued recent years. But do remember to spare a thought for those among us for whom such joys bring nothing but grey clouds.
However, anyone who can say with a straight face that they’ve been watching Rovers for over forty years but have never seen anything as shit as Sean O’Driscoll ‘s Championship team was most likely in a coma for at least three quarters of that time. So far this season, his relative silence has been a Godsend to those of us around him, although Coppinger has still been the recipient of some of his ire on the basis of ‘Why wasn’t he playing like this last season? He’s lazy, that’s why!’
There’s someone sits near me at home games, to whom – having listened to him whinging ever since we left Belle Vue – I refer to as ‘Miserable Old Guy’. This particular species of football fan is rather abundant, and I’ve often pondered what, if anything, such people gain from following the fortunes of a football club.
Of course, everyone has a right to voice their opinions or complaints in a free country, and in spite of the exceedingly regular threats that he ‘won’t be bothering coming back here again’ he’s continued to pay his dues and take his seat. Which leads me back to my earlier question – what value do people like this gain from being football fans?
For MOG, a long-time critic of James Coppinger (‘Should’ve gotten rid of him years ago! He’s stealing a living! Useless!’), this season has mostly been a sulk. Gone are the derisive cries of laughter every time our defence ships a goal (‘Of course they were about to score! Any idiot can see how shit we are! Get ‘em all off, we’re useless!’) Gone is the hysterical glee that accompanies ‘Come and sit up here with us, you utter disgrace!’ each time a single pass goes astray. Gone are the cries of ‘Don’t pass it to him, he’s bloody rubbish!’ less than ten seconds after kick off – although given this particular ditty was directed at Curtis Main, he may have had a point.
Without knowing the person behind the misery, there could be all number of explanations for his attitude – tragic historical events, unspoken heartbreaks, a lifetime of swimming upstream only for The Man to kick him back from whence he came. Perhaps football serves as his only available outlet for all manner of psychological pain, and somehow, being able to project this onto James Coppinger allows him to continue functioning in the rest of his life. Never let it be said that we aren’t complicated beings. 16
As an eternal optimist when it comes to Rovers, it’s easy for me to dismiss this predetermined pessimism. As they say, it’s the hope that kills you – as I’m sure many Brentford fans would have agreed after that Marcello Trotta penalty. And it can be argued that we owe the entirety of modern civilisation to those ancestors of ours who stood up and refused to accept the status quo, thereby inspiring change and progress.
Perhaps by being an optimist in the Keepmoat, it’s actually me that’s wrong – perhaps by enjoying both the ups and the downs as part of the overall journey I’m some kind of sycophant who doesn’t take defeat or failure personally enough. Perhaps Rovers would be in the Champions League by now if I’d only join in a screaming chorus of abuse whenever a long ball is misplaced by a yard or two. Maybe if we all spent weekdays miserable and bubbling with rage, ready to explode at the nearest footballing target come Saturday afternoons, the collective climate of fear would ensure success is guaranteed.
But does the same thing follow in football? Are players and teams inspired to progress by the misery of those they are supposedly representing? Or do they gain the necessary extra yard of pace or ounce of strength from knowing their fans will always lift them up again, even if they fail, provided they gave their best?
But would this be worth it? Would football be a source of pleasure for anybody in this scenario? What is the point of supporting a team if your attitude to their most recent promotion was ‘They shouldn’t have bothered, it’s obvious we’d get murdered in the Championship.’
Of course, footballers can’t be generalised as they are all different – some will run faster to escape the fear of failure, whereas others will spring forward to stretch for their ambitions. Perhaps both philosophies have their place within the game, and the secret to being a good manager is to identify which strategy works best for which player. But surely, it can’t be motivational for anyone to be screamed at about how shit they are, consistently, for years on end? Maybe the only conclusion that can be drawn from all this is that MOG and his ilk aren’t there to support the team, but come to games in the hope of being witness to disaster. Failings that would vindicate their perspective on the world and provide them with the kind of small, petty victory that comes from being right, rather than righteous. After all, some people choose pessimism as their mantra for life on the basis that if you always expect the very worst, you can’t ever be disappointed.
Football as a whole is an ongoing serial drama with fascinating intricacies and sub-plots – but what it lacks is any discernible destination, or finale. Whilst each season’s chapter can be a miniseries of its own, with a beginning, a middle, and a twist at the end, there’s no over-riding arc to the storyline. We aren’t one day going to finally make it to the Promised Land and wander off into the sunset, putting all that drama behind us forever. The journey is all there is. It will ebb and flow in all its grotesque glory at least until someone, somewhere, comes up with a better alternative. Surely we might as well try to enjoy it?
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FROM BENEATH THE STATUE EDITOR GLEN WILSON ON WHAT ‘DAB CAM’ SAYS ABOUT THE FA’S TOP LEVEL INACTION Before we know it the FA will be asking us to ‘call me James, yeah, not Mr Simpkins, that’s my dad’s name’ and sitting backwards on its chair to ask us what bands we’re into.
Up on the Wembley big screens, as England were preparing to face Malta, the pre-match procession of corporate messages paused long enough for the introduction of Dab Cam. A roaming lens flitting about the stadium zoomed in on supporters and remained fixed on their gurning faces until they made a misguided attempt at ‘the dab’.
This is symptomatic of the FA’s ongoing desperation to stay relevant and keep on-trend with everything and anything going on at the top level of football. Though the FA may make noises about being here for the wider game, from the grassroots up, the truth is they want to be in with the cool kids and so they do what the cool kids want to do.
For those unaware (a group in which I included myself until eight days ago), the dab is a dance move that has spread from American hip-hop culture and been adopted as the celebration of choice for young moneyed footballers. If pushed to describe it for you I’d say it resembled an am-dram portrayal of a sneeze.
A case in point; a few weeks ago I saw a headline that read ‘FA Cup fourth and fifth rounds could move to midweek’ and I thought can’t we have anything nice any more? Can’t you just leave us with something? There are 736 teams who take part in the FA Cup, yet the whole nature of the competition is to be twisted and distorted purely for the upper most six of those – barely one per cent. Why must the rest of us lose out? Why must it be us that sees our favourite cup competition weakened because of the selfishness of those at the top?
Whether you’re a seasoned dabber (a dab hand?) or only discovered it a paragraph ago, the dab is not the issue here; for the last twenty-five years or so footballers have performed celebrations influenced by dance. It’s the Football Association’s attempted adoption of it that instead makes you sink into your seat in embarrassment. In hearing out whichever marketing moron it was who suggested cutting to the Dab Cam as a reasoned form of passing the time before a competitive international fixture, the FA has become that teacher who was always a little bit too desperate to be down with their pupils. 18
England’s young players need more games, we are told, more opportunities to experience a competitive environment. But rather than a challenge to the top teams over their policies of hovering up anyone under 21 who can kick a ball vaguely straight in the hope they’ll be the next Kieran Dyer, we instead get the cop-out shambles that is this season’s Checkatrade Trophy.
Fixture congestion is not the fault of the FA Cup – this competition is not the source of the extra games being played by the top Premier League clubs. No, the cause of that is the expanded European competitions that they lobbied for and created, and then warmly embraced with pound signs for pupils. If we had an FA that genuinely cared for the game at all levels, one that was genuinely concerned with upholding the integrity of the game then they wouldn’t be adapting the FA Cup because Chelsea’s midfield is a bit tired. Instead they would be telling them to lump it. To suck it up. Telling them they wanted more European games and the financial rewards of meaningless group matches in front of disinterested crowds as they toy with Bulgaria’s second best team. So if the prospect of playing a league game on a Tuesday night makes you go crying to the FA, tough. Why not recall and play some of the thirty-odd young players you’ve stock-piled around the European loan-market if your wingers are too knackered.
Leaving aside the mysterious logic that England’s lack of international success could be stemmed if only the nation’s most promising players got to first experience a penalty shootout loss to Fleetwood Town’s second string, it is abundantly clear that not a single shit was given to clubs or fans who’s life exists below the Championship parachute payments. That anyone could’ve thought that we’d be happy to turn up and watch our team being belittled into facing a side with squad numbers so high you couldn’t even stick them on the lottery, so long as it meant a national side people have largely never felt further detached from might stick an extra goal past Malta is as staggeringly arrogant as it is detached.
But they don’t. The FA doesn’t step forward and take a bold stance to protect the integrity of their flagship competition. And if the FA Cup can’t be guaranteed protection, then that only leads to lesser competitions becoming rife for experimentation under the ruse of somehow being for a perceived greater good.
The English football system is far, far from perfect. It’s a mess frankly. But the idea that it, and only it, is preventing English success internationally has already been blown out the water by the achievements of Wales, and their squad of English-league based players, at Euro 2016. Maybe one day soon the FA will steal its gaze away from the Dab Cam and away from the toes of the Premier League’s money men long enough to realise that. 19
THE SHIRT LOCKER OUR LOOK BACK AT CLASSIC ROVERS KITS CONTINUES WITH THE 1992-94 HOME SHIRT Like Prince Charles’ marriage and Bosnian-Croat relations, football shirt design endured a very definite lowpoint in the first half of the 1990s. For decades traditional kit colours and designs had wavered but for shorthems which had gradually edged their way further and further up a footballer’s thigh, like Danielle Lloyd seeking her latest beau. But then in the early 1990s all that changed. The Football League was soon awash with all manner of jacquard nonsense that suggested the offices of Umbro, Spall, Matchwinner et al never quite stopped indulging in the fruits of the second Summer of Love. It was a revolution, or revoltion if you prefer, that would see Manchester United and Chelsea go grey, Bristol Rovers and Colchester in striped quarters, and poor Notts County wearing that thing that used to appear in the corner of your telly just before the adverts. Our own Rovers would not be spared. After two seasons in all white (an effort to capitalise on the increasing popularity of Michael Barrymore perhaps?) Rovers switched manufacturers from Ribeiro to Matchwinner in 1992 and the latter chose to resurrect the red and white hoops for only the second time since 1950. Well, kind of. Whilst they may’ve based the ethos of their kit in tradition, the end result was very much early 90s. That is to say, it was a mess.
The hoops were jagged, they were spiky, whatever they were, they were not straight. Described as a TV on the blink, three fat hoops of fuzzy red on a decidedly shiny white shirt. Whereas Rovers’ Hobbot hoops of 198284 added a third colour gently with green outlines, all subtlety had been abandoned ten years on in the form of a whacking slap of unnecessary blue underneath the collar. But. In recent years there has been a revival of 1990s trends. A fashion flashback that has seen baggy tees and sports brands return to the streets of Shoreditch. So could there be a chance that in hindsight that we begin to look fondly on Matchwinner’s mentalness; that this could actually become a design classic. No. no it there isn’t. It’s still a terrible football kit. With a terrible sponsor whacked on top of it with all the care and consideration of a pasta shape glued to a three-year-old’s finger painting. 20
CONFERENCE CALLS WITH CHRIS KIDD AWAY, OUR EDITOR STEPS IN TO TURN ATTENTION TO BARRY MILLER Barry Miller began his career as an apprentice at his local League club, and the team he still supports, Brentford. After two years with the Bees Miller was released and, following a spell playing with his brother at Epsom & Ewell, began to climb the ladder again, at Wokingham, then Farnborough before joining Gillingham in 1999.
BARRY MILLER FACT FILE BORN: 26 MARCH, 1976 ROVERS APPEARANCES: ROVERS GOALS:
70 2
DEBUT: 30/09/2000 vs BOSTON UTD On the Pop Side the adulation was afforded somewhat differently, with cries of ‘halaam, halaam’ whenever Miller wandered towards halfway.
As Miller told the fanzine a couple of season’s back, he didn’t exactly enjoy his time in Kent. ‘It was horrible, my confidence was shot. I used to hate going round the M25 [to get there]. It still sends shivers down my spine.’ A spell on loan at Woking helped Miller enjoy his football again, and in 2000, with chances at a then second-tier Gills limited, he was offered the chance to go on loan to Rovers and jumped straight on a train to South Yorkshire.
He took over the captaincy in his second season at Belle Vue, but only found the net twice for Rovers. His first goal came in a memorable game away at Northwich that Doncaster won 3-2 and Miller not only got his first goal, but also his first red card, after punching the Vics’ ever-annoying player-manager Jimmy Quinn. In many ways a perfect night.
Miller came on for his debut the following week, a half-time substitute in a 3-1 defeat at Boston; a performance which instantly endeared him to the Rovers support. Within four games his loan spell had become a permanent move, and Miller’s resolute defending, coupled with a calmness and composure on the ball had made him a real fans favourite.
A knee injury cut short Miller’s time with Rovers as he remained sidelined throughout the promotion campaign of 2002-03, before moving on to Gainsborough, Hucknall and Burton. After retiring from football age 30 Miller battled with depression, eventually finding salvation in his faith. He recently returned to the club with a spell as Rovers chaplain and still attends home matches regularly.
Over two seasons Miller was a near ever-present in the Rovers defence, a massive rock, or so the guys on the Main Stand terrace believed, giving the centre-half the nickname ‘Covered in Monkeys’ (like the Rock of Gibraltar, come on, keep up).
Miller was, and is, one of football’s good guys, and it remains a terrible shame his playing career at Doncaster Rovers was restricted to just 70 matches. 21
JACK THE MINER’S COAL FACE JACK THE MINER SHARES MEMORIES AND CORRESPONDENCE OF THE LATE KEN AVIS Ken Avis. Long-serving secretary of the Supporters Club; the avuncular match day voice of Belle Vue, honorary Club Vice-President and much else besides.
I can’t claim to know Ken Avis well but we met and spoke occasionally over several years. He was always impeccably dressed and impeccably mannered; an old English gentleman. He was a great raconteur too. His telling of the story of the night Uri Geller - offering his psychic services to help Rovers avoid the drop - mistook him for Ken Richardson was a joy to listen to with each telling of the story.
To some he was the bloke on the tannoy that struggled with the pronunciation of Josh Vansittart and Pierre van Hoojidonk, but he was much more than that. On the subject of struggles with non Anglo-Saxon surnames, may I refer you to the hopeless efforts of the chap on the Oxford United tannoy in March 2004. Announcing the Rovers’ substitute Adebayo Akinfenwa turned out to be the worst moment of his life. Now there was a man who was relieved to find that Dave Penney hadn’t also selected Adriano Rigoglioso. By comparison, Ken was entitled to the rare blip. That unmistakable voice of Ken’s on the PA was the backdrop to all my Belle Vue memories. There was a calm, reassuring authority to his work on the microphone which is why one single step out of character slips into my mind all these years later. One sunny late 1970s afternoon Watford came to town. Ken hit his stride; ‘Good afternoon and welcome to Belle Vue for today’s match between Doncaster Rovers and Watford and may we pay a special welcome to the visiting Watford supporters ...both of you.’
In 1998 he got round to telling me his own story by letter, excited as he was to come across a Doncastrian now living in his old Norfolk and Suffolk stomping grounds. His letter, typed – 100% error and Tippex free – on an old typewriter said: ‘...In fact, my grandfather kept the Pear Tree Inn at Whepstead, near Bury St.Edmunds, for over sixty years and also ran his own thatching business in that area. I have fond memories, as a very small boy, of spending parts of the summer holidays there when I was allowed to ‘drive’ the large hay-cart pulled by two shire horses loaded with Norfolk reed or straw.
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My son traced our family history back to 1724, when for several hundreds of years the family lived at Horringer where most of the houses were thatched and my grandfather or his sons did most of the work.
There are many happy memories and of course some not so happy. I particularly recall the golden years spent in Division Two under the guidance of the great Peter Doherty – in my opinion the greatest player I ever saw in a Rovers shirt - plus the introduction at fifteen years of age of the brilliant young Alick Jeffrey and of the course the never-to-be-forgotten Charlie Williams. In those days, gates in the high twenty thousands and sometimes thirty thousands were not uncommon when we played sides like Liverpool, West Ham and Manchester United. Those were the days!
I myself was born in London but when very young my family moved to Essex and I was brought up in a small village just outside Chelmsford. I spent six and a half years in the Army during the last war and when demobbed I returned to the firm I had worked for and they invited me to move to Doncaster as they wanted to expand and had a disused factory there which had produced armaments during the war. Together with about twenty others I moved to Doncaster in March 1949 and the first Saturday here I went to Belle Vue to see Rovers draw 1-1 against Darlington in the old Third Division (North). Paul Todd was our scorer and the gate was 9,548. The team was as follows: Gillespie, Tomlinson, Hodgson, Goodfellow, Bycroft, Bennett, Todd, Calverley, Tindill, Spedding, Antonio. I was hooked and have supported them ever since.
However, nothing can match the unhappiness of the last few years and on several occasions I almost called it a day but decided to stick it out and I am glad now that I decided to do so. With the departure of Messrs Richardson & Weaver I feel that with John Ryan at the helm we have a Chairman who is a dedicated fan from his schooldays and I am sure he will not be happy until we regain our Football League status with a stadium worthy of the Club.’
Just over thirty-three years ago Mr Morris, who had been secretary of the Supporters Club since its formation in 1921, decided he wanted to retire after forty-six years in the job. I was approached to take this on as I had been involved for many years in the administration of local cricket. I agreed to meet their committee and agreed to take the job providing I could walk away after twelve months if I thought this was too much for me.
Well, Ken was right about that. Ken died in January 2001. It’s a cast iron certainty that I’m not the only one who pondered how unkind it was that he missed the second golden era of Doncaster Rovers but, given all the tales of his glass-half-full positive attitude, I suspect he’d be perfectly satisfied to have witnessed the first one.
Similarly, if they thought I was not doing the job to their satisfaction, I would go. I am still doing the job thirty-three years later so I assume they were reasonably satisfied. I have thoroughly enjoyed doing the job for so long. 23
FOR PEAT’S SAKE DON’T TRY TELLING JACK PEAT THAT FOOTBALL IS ONLY A GAME First of all, football is just a game, but try to discuss the auxiliary elements that make it more than that and it becomes difficult to fathom a retort much more complex than, ‘it’s, it’s, just so much more!’
Is there any other statement in the World more infuriating than ‘it’s just a game’? I bet there’s been a few thick ears over that one. When Donny got relegated last season I pretty much became a mute for the entire night. Sat there drinking my sorrows at a party I wasn’t even arsed about going to in the first place when some half pissed-up nitwit comes and tells me to ‘cheer up, it’s only a game’. I told him to shove his alcopop where the sun doesn’t shine! Before helping myself to the rest of his alcopops.
The reason for that is that most football fans are so involved in the game they can’t take a step back and observe what’s going on. I mean, have you ever taken a moment to consider the enormity of football? Say you’re reading this zine sat waiting for the 3pm kick off. You are one of around 60,000 people doing that in League 2 alone, or one of almost three quarters of a million people watching live games across the Football League. Many non-league games garner audiences of almost a thousand people right down to the seventh or eighth tier, which is an astronomical amount considering most second divisions in Europe struggle to get that many people through the doors.
The same can be said of Leicester away in our last game in the Championship. Some guy comes up to my brother and I in the ‘Spoons and tells us we’ve dropped our gay cards. He didn’t get a laugh so he stuck his finger through his fly and pretended his cock was out. I didn’t laugh then either, but that been said if Rovers had stayed up I’d probably still be drinking with him now.
And think about the money. Yes it’s bizarre and yes it’s obscene, but it actually makes complete economic sense that such sums are being invested in British football. On the one side we have a global game which attracts the best players and managers which translates to pounds and pence in every football shirt, TV subscription and merchandise sold in all of the 200-and-odd countries watching.
The problem with the ‘just a game’ statement is not just the narrowmindedness of it, but that there’s a certain impossibility about answering it. At least with any precision, which is always exacerbated by the fact that you have steam blowing out of your ears. 24
But that is largely just a by-product of the fact that we have such an active and engaged fanbase. They say that the reason the Premier League attracts so many TV viewers is because our stadia is always full and provides the best live audience experience.
The Welsh Euros campaign highlighted that better than anything else, because, to pillage the words of editor Glen Wilson, it was about the ‘reassurance that we’re all here as one. You, me, the kid three rows down, the plank in the daffodil hat, and crucially, the players too. We finally know we’re all feeling the same things; nervousness, pride, and, at long last, genuine belief ’, and that is a wonderful thing.
The reason why football is so much more than a sport for me is the way it brings people together. Regardless of what your job is, what your hobbies are, what your political sway is, your race or your religion it gives communities a common interest. It means that for a few hours every weekend people come together and chat in the pubs, shout on the terraces and have a laugh on the walk home, and without 22 people larking about over a pig skin at 3pm every Saturday that probably wouldn’t exist.
So the next time you’re unfortunate enough to be in the company of someone brazen enough utter such misguided statements feel comforted in the fact that you have been part of something they may never experience. You know what it is like to hug random strangers on a terrace, or to fall about laughing in the train vestibule on your way home with lads you’ve never met before. Football isn’t a game. It’s a way of life, and we who know, need not be told how important that is.
And that’s as true for a day out on the train with your mates down to Portsmouth with Rovers as it is for the game of WWI footy in no man’s land, or the ceasefire that was triggered during the Ivory Coast civil war, or even – although this is a little more literal than I intended – for the hike in German birth rate during the World Cup in 2006.
There is a saying that goes, ‘For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don’t believe, no proof is possible.’ I think that is very true in this instance, but I prefer the immortal words of Bill Shankley:
‘Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.’
As the podular STAND boys so eloquently demonstrated in our first podcast, football is about communities. It is about offering a sense of belonging and a togetherness whether you’re in Leyton or Donny, and that is an increasingly important commodity in our fractured society.
JP 25
THE GARY BRABIN MEMORIAL LOUNGE JAMES McMAHON ON KNOWING A FOOTBALLER AND THE FUTILITY OF YELLING AT THEM Recently I kinda, sorta, in a way, made friends with a professional footballer. Not that he comes around my house for tea or anything, but we text a fair bit. We’ve got a group conversation we’re both in on WhatsApp. I will text him after a game and say ‘well done’ or ‘unlucky’. He will message me and recommend new music he’s heard to me. Not best mates or anything, but that’s almost a better relationship than I have with my brother.
It might have taken me ten games – and a fairly miserable daytrip to Luton - but finally I have seen Rovers play this season. ‘Analysis’ of that match can be found elsewhere in this issue (and on the first episode of the podular STAND podcast), but for now I’m going to use said trip to springboard to another point. I have to say, I’ve always found Rovers support to be very good. We had a lot of fun in the Conference days, when the hardcore was shaved to its very spine. We could out-sing anyone in the Championship, ‘just a pub team, having a laugh’, and all that. And these days... well, if my knees didn’t feel like they were being eaten from the inside out by rats whenever I stand for more than 30 minutes, I would almost certainly be stood doing my thing with the Black Bank. I was sceptical at the start because, well because I’m old and northern, and scepticism is what old and northern people do so well. But I approve, I really do.
Of course, the best thing about being mates with a professional footballer, is they tell you cool stuff. My mate has told me stuff a fan wouldn’t normally get nowhere near. It’s often made me fairly giddy and excited and lucky. But after those feelings have worn off, I’ve been left with the crushing realization that I may have a wand of a right foot – albeit a broken wand, like that bit in Harry Potter where everything goes batshit – but, I know absolutely nothing about football. You know what? Chances are neither do you. There have been times where I’ve texted my friend and said, ‘he’s a good player’, only for my friend to explain, in detail, why said person is maybe not as good a player as I think. Proof of this has always come to pass. And why shouldn’t it? After all, I can tell you right away who’s a good writer, and why. I write for a living – I should know.
But, much like any child in pretty much any horror movie, there’s always someone who has to come along and ruin things. Like the guy in our end at Kenilworth Road the other Saturday, who spent nigh on ninety minutes berating Cedric Evina. ‘You’re shit, Evina’. ‘Get him off Ferguson’. ‘You’re a waste of space’. And that was just at the twenty-minute mark. 26
But how would I really know anything about a sporting environment I’ve only ever witnessed from the fringes?
But back to sport; because for me, this mindset is systematic of national failure. When the England men’s side lose, I often hear, ‘they showed no passion’, as if the great Spanish side of 2010 were running around the pitch bellowing at anyone who’ll listen.
One of the most interesting things my friend told me, is how much influence the crowd have upon his actions on the pitch. ‘When the crowd is with us, you wouldn’t believe how much better I play,’ he says. ‘When they’re against us, I hear every word…’ I can sympathize, to an extent. Having a name on a byline, and a twitter account means I’ll often get people telling me what I do is crap. It never, ever spurs me on to write something better. It just makes me feel crap. I only get through it by blocking it out.
Or someone, who, to my better knowledge, isn’t psychic and thereby can’t ascertain this for certain, will say, ‘they just don’t care’, as if anyone ever looked at Zinedine Zidane and thought, ‘he’d be so much better if he’d shout a bit more’. I want to turn around to these people and say; ‘You know when Joe Hart is screaming the national anthem, he isn’t replaying the final moments of the Battle Of Waterloo in his mind, the taste of beef dripping in the back of his mouth, a tiny plastic England flag bought from a service station embedded in his brain, he’s just auditioning for another Head & Shoulders advert.’
This, I feel, is systematic of much in our culture – in terms of football supporting and, to be honest, beyond that – which, to put it simply, does my head in. Thankfully my staff don’t have their own columns in popular STAND to tell you otherwise, and so you’ll just have to believe me when I say, I don’t think I have ever got anything I’ve needed by berating them. There have been those I’ve needed to put my arm around (not literally, HR laws are pretty strict on that kind of thing). And there are those I’ve had to have a stern word with. But bollocking them? Nothing good has ever come from that.
Next time I see someone screaming at Cedric, maybe, just maybe, I will.
BERNARD GLOVER’S BELIEVE IT or NOT Former Rovers defender Steve Lister is one of the nation’s leading independent upholstery inspectors. 27
MARSHALL MATTERS ROB MARSHALL INTERVIEWS FORMER ROVERS AND CHESTERFIELD PLAYER, LEE ROGERS Lee Rogers grew up in Doncaster and spent three years at Doncaster Rovers in the 1980s, before going on to enjoy a hugely successful career at Chesterfield. He made almost 400 appearances for the Spireites at the heart of one of their most successful ever periods. ‘Despite being a Doncaster lad I originally signed for Lincoln City. It didn’t work out there and I left at 16 before finding myself playing in a trial match for Rovers reserves. I played at centre half with Carl Swann, and in front of us was none other than Billy Bremner. Swanny kept booting it long but Bremner always demanded it into feet. You can imagine what it was like as a 16-year-old, but every chance I got it went to Bremner and even then he had all the tricks and flicks, he was unbelievable. The game went ok and afterwards he offered me terms as an apprentice. ‘It was a proper apprenticeship in those days, painting the ground, cleaning boots, laying out the kit. If you ever made a mistake you had to appear in court run by the senior pro’s, Willie Boyd was the judge. If you were guilty you were punished, usually getting shut in the kit hamper and thrown in the bath or running laps naked round the pitch, it was a proper upbringing, all for £25 a week.
‘There were some good players at that time, Glen Humphries, Steve Lister, Billy Russell, Ian and Glyn Snodin, David Harle, Colin Douglas, some top players and a good team. Playing and training with those was great; a good place to learn the game.’ At the centre of it all was Bremner, ‘He was great with us kids, he wanted to be out playing all day. We would finish doing the apprentice jobs and he’d come and get us ‘right lads, come on, let’s go’ and he’d take us behind the stand and play head tennis with us for hours. You wouldn’t see it today, but we were 16 and 17 years old and we were there with an absolute legend of the game, having a laugh and learning all the time. He was unbelievable. ‘If you wanted to improve or practice, he’d come out and spend hours just pinging balls at you. He would play in reserve games and teach you so much, give you so much confidence. So many players flourished under him because of how he was. ‘He could be stern though, I remember playing Middlesbrough in an intermediates game. I went in for a 5050 and got done. The lad went straight over the top, I went to hospital and I had done my knee. I got in the next day on crutches and he came to see me.
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He sat me down and said ‘You alright then?’, I told him I was ok and he said ‘Good, but it won’t happen again though will it?’, I didn’t know what he meant, ‘next time, you do what you need to look after yourself, don’t ever get done again’. After that I thought yeah, you don’t try to hurt anyone but you have to protect yourself. I got hurt that day but the next time I went into a tackle I made sure I came out of it best. When someone like him offered advice, you couldn’t ignore it.’ There were some characters at Belle Vue then, one being Colin Douglas. It’s well known he liked a drink, but is the legend true? ‘The thing about Duggie was that it didn’t matter what he had been doing he would train harder and better than anyone else. I remember they used to take us on a five mile run, you’d set off looking at Duggie thinking he was in a state and the next thing he’d be up at the front leaving us behind. Half way through he’d jog to the back, have a chat with some of the lads, then jog off up to the front again, he used to kill you. He was so fit he could do anything. But yeah, it is true. Let’s just say it was a good night out with Duggie.’ Soon though key players left and Bremner moved to Leeds. ‘Dave Cusack took over as player manager and brought his own men in and the dynamic of the club changed. We had a lot of promising youngsters but he preferred the lads he brought in and a lot of us were ignored, though Dave did give me a contract as a first year pro.
‘I got a chance in a cup game and home to Mansfield, we won 1-0. I played centre half, we kept a clean sheet and it went well. I got a decent write up in the press but I never got another chance, I must have been close on occasions but never got in, it’s all opinions I suppose.’ ‘Towards the end of that season we didn’t get paid on a couple of occasions and the club was struggling. Players were sold and contracts were not renewed and I didn’t get offered a new deal. I was really disappointed at the time, a young lad and my home town club. I thought I’d done well and then that was it, I thought about packing it in I was that low. I went on holiday and while I was away Chesterfield wrote to me inviting me for a trial. When I got back I spent the whole of that pre-season on trial, trying to get a deal.’ Legend has it, everything hinged on a race between you and Brian Scrimgeour? 29
MARSHALL MATTERS CONTINUED FROM PAGES 28 AND 29 ‘Yes. I’d trained hard, played a couple of games and it had gone well but Brian was still there, though coming to an end. During training one day the manager, John Duncan called us both over and said he wanted us to have a race, they thought Scrim was quick. I realised straight away and thought ‘I’ve got to win this, this is it’. Fortunately, my younger legs did the job and the next day they offered me the deal. To this day Duncs says it came down to that race. Amazing the fine margins, little things like that and I spent 12 great years there.’
To finish I couldn’t resist asking Lee if there was one moment in his career that sticks out above the rest. He talked about his debut, Wembley, an amazing 4-4 draw at Anfield, a fantastic testimonial in front of 7,500 but eventually he settled on something totally different. ‘I think looking back, I had a good name in the game, both with my colleagues and the supporters. They knew I would look after them and always gave 100 percent. Looking back, it’s that respect that is important to me and it means a lot.’
‘We got to the play off final at Wembley in 1990 but lost to a very good Cambridge team in a close game, Dion Dublin got their goal. We went back in 195 and beat Bury 2-0 which was fantastic. The first time it seemed to fly by but I was able to enjoy it more second time round and take it all in. I do think now though, how many top players have never played at Wembley and I managed to play there twice, they’re memories I’ll always have.’
At a time when football is struggling to deal with greed and corruption it is important to know more honourable attitudes still exist within it. Lee’s career flourished in a way it probably wouldn’t have done had he stayed at a declining Doncaster, his exit from Belle Vue in 1986 was certainly Rovers loss but both Chesterfield’s gain.
DEREK BLACKHAM ‘Newyankee’ The fanzine was saddened to learn of the passing of Rovers supporter Derek Blackham of cancer on 31 August. A resident of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Derek – who will be perhaps better known to many by his moniker on the VSC’s Viking Chat forum, ‘Newyankee’ – had been a subscriber to the fanzine in recent seasons.
As well as being a follower of Rovers, Derek had long been involved in rugby league in Doncaster and had served as commercial manager for the Dons prior to moving to the USA. When our editor began doing match commentary for Doncaster Rovers a few years ago Derek was always kind enough to offer constructive and supportive criticism and his input was valued sincerely. A permanent tribute to him is to be placed at the Keepmoat Stadium, paid for by his fellow posters on the Viking Chat forum, the fanzine included.
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FOLLOWS THE ROVERS MIKE FOLLOWS CAUGHT UP WITH THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE’S CHIEF EXEC. TO DISCUSS HIS PLANS FOR THE CHECKATRADE TROPHY ‘The second thing we discovered is that consumers are increasingly looking for the convenience and flexibility of services on demand so we will be introducing a ‘match window’. All games will be played on Tuesday evenings kicking off at 7:30pm, but will be available to be replayed on demand for 48 hours afterwards. Customers purchasing a Trophy+ ticket will be able to select a starting time for the replayed match through the new EFL app. When matches are replayed the starting line-up must include at least four players who started or finished the previous match all of whom must play for at least thirty minutes. The overall winner of the tie will be the team with the winning aggregate score over all replays, with a bonus point on offer for Mary Berry’s favourite bake.
Shaun Hrvey told me: ‘I’ve attended a couple of matches in the Checkatrade Trophy this season and from the League’s perspective there remains confusion at what ultimately is at fault with it. We’ve done a lot of work to understand this and I’m confident I’ve now forged a plan that will see customers re-engaging with the Trophy in significantly increased numbers from next season. ‘We held a blue sky strategy coffee meet at League HQ. In this open environment in which there are no wrong answers we really pushed the envelope and thought outside of the box to deliver a solution that we believe will drive advocacy for the competition. ‘Customers have clearly decided to opt out of attending matches to switch on to other activities, and we identified that a key driver of leisure time consumption, is the shared water-cooler conversation that follows the Great British Bake-off. From this we have drawn two conclusions, which we will be using to influence the reinvigoration of the trophy competition.
‘Following confusion around discipline and suspensions we’ve decided that in next season’s competition all red cards will be immediately annulled. Any player sent off the pitch will be waved back on at the match referee’s earliest convenience. ‘Finally, given the mixed uptake from ‘invited’ Premier League clubs this season we will be extending the invitation process to other elite sports. Invited into the Northern section will be St Helens Rugby League, the Sheffield Sharks basketball team and the Brownlee brothers. Southern section invitees will include Harlequins, Ronnie O’Sullivan and Anthony Joshua.’
‘Firstly, the British public have an affinity for hand-crafted baked goods. Therefore, as of next season, any matches finishing in a draw after ninety minutes will be decided by a baking competition, which will reflect the regionalisation of the early rounds. Teams in the northern half of the draw will nominate a player to bake Parkin, whereas those in the southern section will have to produce Chelsea buns. 31
WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND DUTCH UNCLE PUTS DOWN THE STATS TO REVISIT A GERMAN FRIENDSHIP Many people in Doncaster may know that the town is officially twinned with Herten in Germany. However, it’s probably fair to say that fewer will know that Herten is a small town in the greater area of Gelsenkirchen in the Ruhr, a mining and industrial area in Germany’s north. Gelsenkirchen is home to FC Schalke 04, a wellestablished German team with real (or should that read Raul?) European pedigree.
‘I think the Rovers bit may mean we moved around a lot in our early days. Well we now have a new ground called the Keepmoat.’
For much of my 35 years in living in the Netherlands one of my closest friends and colleagues was a former German naval officer and a lifelong Schalke fan. He also had a big thing about patronyms. Over the years I had many football conversations with him, here, if you’ll fogive me, is a loose summary of many of those.
‘Well there was Harry Gregg, sold to Manchester United for a world record fee for a goalkeeper, and he became the hero of Munich.’
‘FC Doncaster? Never heard of them. Who is their most famous player?’ ‘Alick Jeffrey is our most famous player. I have met him and I have his autograph.’ ‘Alick Jeffrey who? Augenblick, you mean that student friend of yours who developed DNA fingerprinting? Fantastisch, he found time to play football for FC Doncaster as well?’ ‘No that was Alec Jeffreys, there is only one Alick Jeffrey. And anyway we are called Doncaster Rovers.’
‘Is that because it is a fortress?’ ‘Erm, actually not quite… home form has not really been our strong point since we have played at the Keepmoat.’ ‘Well did anyone internationally famous play for Doncaster?
‘Harry Gregg who? Vielleicht he played in the 1999 European Cup final against Bayern?’ ‘Erm no, he saved lives in the Munich air crash of 1958.’ ‘Who was your highest scorer in a season?’ ‘Clarrie Jordan.’ ‘Clarrie Jordan who? Where is the family name?’ ‘Did you ever have a player everyone blamed for everything?’ ‘Well there was Lewis Guy.’ ‘Lewis Guy who? Why do none of your players have surnames? Is it because you are like Brazil?’
‘Is that because your ground has gone to the dogs?’ 34 32
‘No that was our neighbours Barnsley who claimed watching them was like watching Brazil. They’re a modest lot. The only Brazilian we had was Dennis Souza. But we did have Tim Ryan, Lee Warren, Adie Mike, Graeme Lee, Jamie Lawrence, Billy Russell... I see what you are getting at with these names ‘
‘In Deutschland we find the best football teams have a man up front who is alert, someone sharp, someone big at the back to manage the opposition strikers, control them, how you say, shackle? And someone in the middle to control things, take stock. Who were your best players that year?’
‘Who was your funniest player ever’?
‘Amazing - you have got all three of them right there.’
‘Well Charlie Williams was a bit of a comedian.’
‘Anyway why do you support Doncaster Rovers, you are from Wales ja?’
‘You mean like he missed lots of chances in front of goal?’
‘I went to school in Doncaster and we had a rule if you didn’t support Doncaster Rovers you were sent to Coventry.’
‘Wrong Williams.’ ‘What is Doncaster’s most famous win?’
‘Is that why Coventry have so many supporters? Anyway I thought we destroyed it during the War? I heard they were playing their home games in Northampton?’
‘Many people would say beating Leeds at Wembley to win promotion to the Championship.’ ‘Leeds - ach ja, I have heard of them. They were champions of Europe nein?’
‘That’s Cobblers.’
‘Erm, nein is right, they never quite managed it… actually come to think of it we do have a connection with the 1999 European Cup Final - our manager is Alex Ferguson’s son.’
‘Doncaster and Herten are twinned. Is that because they are both northern mining and industrial towns?’ ‘I don’t believe all twinned towns have to be similar - look at the small Welsh village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrn-drobwllllantysiliogogogoch.’
‘Ach Fergie Time. So you score many late goals ja?’ ‘Well not always… actually there was one match last season when we scored twice in Fergie Time to come from behind to win, against Crewe.’
‘Mein Gott what a name. Where is it twinned with?’ ‘A Dutch village called ‘Ee’.’
‘Crew? Sound like my kind of team? Were they all at sea before they played football?
At this point the geographical tone of our last conversation degenerated into an animated discussion of whether Doncaster Rovers’ hopes of playing in European competition were likely to be dashed by Brexit, but I’ll spare you that at least.
‘No just in those last two minutes.’ ‘What was your best season recently?’ ‘In 2009-10 we came 12th in the Championship and played really good football.’ 33
REG IPSA: LEGAL BEAGLE OUR LEGAL EXPERT IS HERE, READY TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS... AT LEAST UNTIL HIS TAG COMES OFF MILKING IT
TATTOO-MIXER
Dear Reg,
Dear Reg,
I’ve heard they’re bringing back the Milk Tray man, so I’ve teamed the new Rovers black away shirt with a pair of black jeans and I reckon I’ve got a crack at the audition. I’ve attached a picture – what do you reckon?
I went out drinking in Morecambe after the 5-1 win and got a bit carried away. Long story short, I woke up drunk with “I Love Morecambe” tattooed down my old fellah. The missus is fuming. And it’s weeping. Can I do owt about it? Nobby Helmet Bessacarr
Terry Sphincter Scawsby
REG RESPONDS Not sure about the Milk Tray Man Terry, but they could do with some new sight-screens for the Twenty-20 cricket up at Headingley.
POKE-A-MAN
REG RESPONDS You’ve just written in to brag haven’t you. I got mine tattooed after we came out the Conference. I only got DRF on it though. I have to draw the C on the end myself.
Dear Reg, I’ve met this new lass on a Rovers based dating site. Took her round town but she kept looking at her phone and throwing imaginary balls at monsters I couldn’t see. She made me wear a baseball cap when we went to bed later and kept calling me Ash. Is this weird or is it just me? Pete Achoo Intake
REG RESPONDS I’ve been with weirder. I once went out with a Rotherham fan.
LETTER OF THE MONTH
Dear Reg, In an effort to spice our marriage up I suggested playing a few games in the bedroom. I came home drunk on Lambrini and was up for giving it a go. I even let my husband pick the game. That was three days ago and I’m still here in the wardrobe. Is it his turn to hide yet? Heidi Seek, C;ay Lane
REG RESPONDS Think you’ve got that nailed love. Try coming out – Rovers have been winning 34