POSITIVE PE ACE
transcending 18
trauma FIND MORE PEACE WITH THE PAST. by Sandy Newbigging
Little can be done to heal our past if we are adamant that the past only happened in the way we believe it did. However, if we are open to perceiving our past with fresh eyes, and from a more positive and empowered perspective, then peace with any memory is most definitely possible. Transcending past traumas requires us to go beyond what we think happened – and how we remember and recall our past – to return to the truth of reality. Until we do this, our life can end up defined and determined by a series of fictitious fantasies, which are only a relative reality (similar to a dream or convincing story). The stories that we make up and tell ourselves about life – distorted by our potentially impure perceptions of how the past happened – hurt and hinder us over time. When we uncover the bigger-picture truth of reality, we can automatically and immediately find the hidden treasures of forgiveness, wisdom, compassion, understanding and acceptance. I’m about to share ten of my favourite questions that have repeatedly helped my clients to find resolution. With a willingness to perceive your past differently, and from a fresh perspective, consider these questions and responses within the context of a memory that has been causing anger, sadness, fear, guilt or hurt:
• Were you safer than you thought? Yes; the fact that I am here today to tell the tale means I survived. • Did life continue? Yes; despite disliking the past moment, life moved on and there have been good times since. • Were they doing the best they could? Yes; if given a choice they would want to experience peace or love, but they didn’t know how to and acted in ways that hurt their own happiness too.
“When we uncover the bigger-picture truth of reality, we [find]...forgiveness, wisdom, compassion, understanding and acceptance.” • Were they dealing with their own stuff ? Yes; they were not enlightened and were blinded and governed by their beliefs. • Did you take it way too personally? Yes; their unkind words or actions said much more about them than me. • Have you been mind-reading? Yes, I’ve been assuming that I know what they were thinking, which I can’t know for sure.
• Can you honour them by being happy? (For cases of grief ) Yes; because they loved me, they would want me to be happy. • Are you more capable than you think? Yes, I am a resourceful person, having always done what it takes to survive. • Were you looking outside for love? Yes, and I now know I am a good and lovable person and don’t need to seek reassurance. • Were you not being very loving either? Yes, I could have been more unconditionally loving, judged them less and not forced them to be someone they weren’t able to be then. By answering these questions, we can start purifying our perceptions of the past. They challenge our assumptions and attitudes we have been using to justify our resistances towards what we think happened. We can then return to reality, where peace patiently awaits us. Sandy is the creator of the popular Mind Detox and Mind Calm methods. Visit his website for more on his online mentoring sessions, club and academy. sandynewbigging.com
