Put Your Politics Where Your Kink Is- p.4 Mr. Oregon State Leather 2017 talks kink, masculinity, and social justice.
Welcome to PDXXX- p.15 Everything a weirdo needs to start exploring the local queer kink scene.
Coming to You Direct From the Sexperts- p.16 A very thorough interview about kink in Portland.
PROUD QUEER
Cover art by: Maya Vivas PQMONTHLY.COM
The Kink Edition OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017
PROUD QUEER
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER2017 2017 2 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
PQ TEAM
PROUD QUEER Melanie Davis
Owner/Publisher melanie@pqmonthly.com
PROUD QUEER
From the Editor
EDITORIAL Maya Vivas
Art Director artdirctor@pqmonthly.com
Ryn McCoy
Editor in Chief editor@pqmonthly.com
Monty Herron Op Ed Writer
Shaley Howard Regular Contributor
George Nicola GLAPN Historian
Suzanne Deakins, Ph.D., H.W.M. Regular Contributor GLAPN
Sossity Chiricuzio
Columnist and Feature Reporter
MARKETING/ SALES Miguel Cobian VP of Marketing
National Advertising Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 sales@rivendellmedia.com
Photographers
Dax McMillan
Portland is the proud host of a large and vibrant kink community, and is now widely known as a kinky city thanks to ranking number one on Kink University’s 2015 list of kinkiest cities in the United States (though, granted, the ranking was largely based simply on the number of FetLife profiles per capita, and Los Angeles has surpassed us since 2015). This edition explores that community and celebrates deviance in all its glorious forms. PQ interviews Stella Harris and Angie Gunn about the pros, cons, ups, downs, ins and outs of the local kink scene, and gets the full scoop on SPEEC, Portland’s sexuality resource center (page 16). Stella Harris also offers advice and resources for newbies looking for queer kink spaces and community (page 15). There has always been significant overlap between queer and kink communities. Like queerness, kink is still widely considered unconventional, deviant, and even perverse. Sossity Chiricuzio writes about how kink activities can provide healing and opportunities for self-exploration and discovery, particularly for queer folks who carry some trauma around more conventional sexual activities (page 7). While kinky folks are not inherently queer—and vice versa—a healthy percentage of the queer population partakes of kinky activities. Within that queer kink scene, of course, there is still work to be done when it comes to inclusivity and accessibility. The current Mr. Oregon State Leather titleholder, Connor Braddock, is explicit about his social justice priorities for the leather community in an interview with Sossity Chiricuzio (page 4). The Kink Edition also features some deviance of the non-kinky variety: Shaley Howard talks with Pepper Pepper and Carla Rossi about politics in performance, the construction of identity, and the merging of fine art and drag (page 12); and youth writer Em Mais addresses misconceptions about polyamory that are common even in the queer community, and shares an important perspective on support between marginalized groups (page 8). This edition was a lot of fun to create—from interviewing local sex educators to driving around picking up toys community members lent us for the cover photoshoot, it was a joy to witness how personal and vulnerable kink can be, juxtaposed with how open and generous so many people are about it. Although our struggles and experiences are different in many ways, the kink and queer communities share many values, and it benefits all of us to be supportive of one another. As is often said in the kink community: let’s all be weirdos together.
Photographer
Nestor Miranda Photographer
Ryn McCoy Editor In Chief, Brilliant Media
Columnists & Contributors
Samantha L. Taylor, Michael James Schneider, Summer Seasons, Marco Davis, Kathryn Martini, Sally Mulligan, Katey Pants, Max Voltage, Queer Intersections
503.228.3139 PROUDQUEER.COM
THE NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE OF PQ MONTHLY BRILLIANT MEDIA LLC, DBA EL HISPANIC NEWS
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
On the cover: Original art work by Maya Vivas.
WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE:
Put Your Politics Where Your Kink Is........................ Page 4 Polyamory and the Queer Community.................... Page 8 Kaj-Ann Pepper & Carla Rossi Interview................. Page 12
Queer & Kinky in PDX............................................ Page 15 Navigating Kink.................................................... Page 16 My Time in Virtual Reality...................................... Page 18
AND MORE! OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 3 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
LOCAL
Put Your Politics Where Your Kink Is:
An Interview with Connor Braddock By Sossity Chiricuzio
Connor Braddock, also known as Mr. Oregon State Leather 2017, is out about many things: his love for kink and contracts, his joy in human puppy play, his penchant for being a shameless switch, and his commitment to social justice. Of all these things, it’s actually the last one that convinced him to run for a leather title. The title comes with a platform, and a responsibility: to make a positive impact on local communities, and beyond. He is planning on the usual things: a trip to the Folsom Street Fair and various leather contests, the admiration of bearded bears and boy pups with enough mischief to make their training fun, the satisfying creak of well loved leather being, well, loved. All through these adventures, however, he plans to weave a net to help lift up and support those who are often overlooked and let down by traditional leather communities: people of color, femmes, trans folks, and that wide range of us who don’t fit the standards of aesthetics, be it because of our bodies or our budgets. This is not to say that the leather community hasn’t debated, dialogued, and problem solved around these issues— however, they are still present in the kink communities, just as they are in our queer and trans communities. Like the larger culture we exist inside of, we have absorbed those lessons of patriarchy and white supremacy, and continue to enact them upon each other. I spoke to Connor about these issues, and his answers leave me looking forward to seeing what he makes of his title year. What do you think the biggest issues facing the leather community are right now, and how do you plan to address those? I think the biggest issues facing the leather community right now are racism and femme/transphobia. White, cis, gay men are still the dominant demographic in positions of leadership and visibility in the leather community, and toxic masculinity rears its head often. There have been great shifts in local communities, and some national events, but at most contests and conventions in the country that’s who you’ll see the most producing events and judging—and we are working to change that! My leather community is full of people who understand the intersectionality between how we play and how we walk through the world. Addressing racism starts with individual white people doing the work to not just listen to people of color, but to actively give up power and redistribute it. The same goes for femme/transphobia: as a white, masculine person walking through the world, it is my responsibility to not just be aware of the space I take up and whose voices are being heard, but to make space for others both physically and otherwise. “Toxic masculinity” has come up a couple times already in this conversation—can you talk more about that, and how you see your role as a masculine person in combating that?
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER2017 2017 4 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
As a masculine identified person in this world it’s my job everyday to push back against the toxic masculinity behaviors I see and experience—these include disrespect and devaluing of women and femmes and their labor and contributions, an inability to express a full range of emotions, and entitlement. All of these things do more harm than I could share here, but I believe that healthy masculinity exists, and that it will be a process to find and emulate those good attributes throughout my life. As someone who’s got a platform that makes me highly visible this also means being very aware of actively walking my talk.
“
I was brought into the leather community by other transmen and feel blessed that I continue to meet men who are very involved, well respected, hard players with a love for leather and tradition. Several blatant situations of racism occurred recently at the International Leather Sir/Leather boy event in Dallas, Texas. How is that being handled in the community, particularly by white kink folks? While not physically present at this event, I did watch the video after the fact and was astounded that the scene (a fantasy scene set on a plantation with music from Deliverance that was described as a “comical raceplay”) not only played out without interruption on the stage at an international contest, but had ALSO been done on the stage at the regional feeder contest. As a white person, I was deeply uncomfortable. I cannot imagine how horrible it felt for the BIPoC folks in the audience. I believe that racism is never funny, or appropriate for the stage of a contest. We must be aware of the times we live in, and the very real danger black people especially face, and to degrade that struggle is to add insult to historical and CURRENT injury. As far as how it’s being “handled,” a group of people, including ones who were in attendance, have gotten together to respond formally to the producers. I see my role as
providing support to the BIPoC folks who are fighting this in our community, and having hard conversations about white supremacy and how we can be effective accomplices in the fight for justice in our community. Do you feel the reception of female and femme people in gay leather spaces has improved in the last decade? That is not an experience I can speak to personally, since I came into the community after I transitioned, but I know that female/femme people have had struggles to be seen and accepted by their gay male/masculine counterparts. I am happy to see long standing women’s clubs, play spaces, and more and more contests. I have been involved with Drummer North America for three years now—an international men’s leather contest held in Las Vegas every year—and next year they are debuting a women’s contest for all self-identified women, with huge support from the men’s contest community. It’s been awesome to see! As a trans man who is primarily attracted to gay men, what has your experience been in the leather community, and what would you like to see change? I was brought into the leather community by other transmen and feel blessed that I continue to meet men who are very involved, well respected, hard players with a love for leather and tradition. My experience has largely been a good one. I have been accepted and welcomed into the men’s communities that I have found myself in. What I’d like to see change is the knowledge around play between cis and transmen. Being wikipedia to a new date is exhausting, cis dudes. I know and understand how your body works, please do the same for me. What advice do you have for people that are interested in getting involved in the leather scene? I’d say consider first what you are looking for. Community? Play? Partners? Volunteer opportunities? Maybe you’re looking for a little of all of those? A good start is to look up a local play party, club, or event. I find the best way to get involved is to volunteer! There’s lots of friendly faces looking to welcome new people. Hell, come find me at an event, I’ll be happy to say hello! Sossity Chiricuzio is a writer and journalist based out of Portland, Oregon. She is a regular contributor for PQ Monthly and focuses on social justice, communication, community, and changing the world. You can reach her at sossitywrites.com or follow her online on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr & Instagram @sossitywrites.
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 5 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
AlwaysHOROSCOPE have supported LGBT rights, Always will.
HOROSCOPE
Star Trends By Robert McEwen
FEATURES
The zodiac sign of Scorpio is about procreation, planting, birth-death-andrebirth. Sexual energy and birth are the archetypal pattern of the Scorpio. It also relates to transformation metamorphic in nature. Scorpio lends itself to visions of the mystical, the ways of Shamanism. We will have time to explore this for a year! Finances expand in Scorpio. So does passion and exploring the mystical secrets of ontological principles. The invisible nature of beingness becomes very relevant starting in October. Debts get paid off, or new debt is accumulated. Watch the passion and discern whether you are buying as an investment that is sound, or just ego desires. Forgiving others is important with this transit, so you don’t expand your resentments. Thank you for your attention to this, and do note “healing” is sped up with this on all levels: psychological, physical, spiritual, and mundane daily life decisions. We can talk much more about how it affects your life if you decide to get your chart done, and see where it is transiting in your chart. Knowing where this falls in your natal horoscope is advantageous at this time. A few helpful questions, somewhat like a detective, ask yourself, “What really has deep meaning that I might even die for?” Ask yourself what purpose you are living. If you do a thorough investigation into this matter, then that is what will expand! Jupiter is the planet of expansion, and in Scorpio, it has to be something that you would live or die for. Ask yourself those questions and you will be using this Jupiter in Scorpio to the highest and most powerful cause. I encourage some journaling on this subject, self-exploration of your deepest drives in your life. This primal energy needs the perspective of the “eagle,” which represents the archetype of vision for your primal energies. Please think about this and feel free to converse with me on this deep expansion of your purpose. I can be reached at robbystarman@aol.com. Robert McEwen has read over 5,000 charts in the 35 years he has done professional companionship charts. How does your Mars and Venus aspect your lovers? Has your sex life been passionate, loving and joyous? Find out where your Moon is in your chart: sign, house and aspects to other planets. For your “Moon, Mars and Venus” consultation call 503- 706-0396. Text your birth info there too. $75 for a one-hour phone or Skype session. Payment through Paypal. com.
The Muttley Crew Giving professionals a new leash on life! • Grooming • Doggie daycare • Premium USA made products • Top rated pet foods including Orijen, Acana, Taste of the Wild, Honest Kitchen Go! Now! and Raw foods. *Best in the Biz 2009, 2010, 2011 by Spot Magazine
Visit us! 806 NW Murray Portland, OR 97229 Mon-Fri 6:45am - 6:30pm Sat 8am - 4pm
Call us:
503-626-8212
THEMUTTLEYCREW.COM OCTOBER/NOVEMBER2017 2017 6 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
Robert McEwen, H.W., M Available for astrology readings at robbystarman@aol.com phone: 503 706-0396 pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
VOICES
Embody
Sacred Sexual Deviance By Sossity Chiricuzio
Content warning: non-specific mentions of sexual abuse. I’ve had thousands of conversations about sex in my lifetime. I’ve discussed it with doctors, teachers, and workshop attendees, fellow feminists and students and queers and educators. Lovers, friends, partners, and strangers on the bus. Hundreds of people at a time, from a stage, and huddled in a corner with someone folding into themselves out of shame and fear. People have consistently found it easy to talk to me about sex, and I consistently feel it’s part of my work in the world to do so. It’s an enormous subject, layered and fraught with intersecting issues and gifts, challenges and dangers. It’s also something that has been used against me, and something I’ve had to reclaim. I’m a survivor of sexual abuse—as a child, a teenager, and an adult. Sex started off as something wonderful; a loving exploration of myself, a series of consensual and empowering experiments with a friend, and a topic handled honestly and without shame in our family. It became a dangerous trap out in the world when I was six, and it took me over a decade to reclaim that joy and sense of ownership of my body. Kink was a large part of that reclamation, and has been my best tool for being grounded and present and empowered in my body and my sexuality. I didn’t know it was kink at first. It was just something I did, alone, and then with other people. It was just part of sex, as far as I knew. Just part of having a body and nerve endings. I remember when I was eight and learned the trick with a sewing needle and the palm of your hand. That you could stitch a line right across it, without pain or blood, if you were careful to stay shallow. Even though a fingernail lightly drawn across the same skin could produce shivers, or pain if it wasn’t so light. Even though that same skin registers heat and cold and soft and rough in an instant. It became harder to hate a body with that kind of superpower. It was an easier way to explore, especially as it was totally outside the realm of what my perpetrators did to me. The signals from my nerve endings didn’t feel like panic, or betrayal. Just information. Just my own body, doing body things.
“
Kink, like any kind of sex, is not an easy solution, or the answer to everything. It can, however, be ritual. Medicine. Magic.
The first time I had consensual sex as an adult, it was a fast and dry situation with my gay high school boyfriend. Not so much sex as smoke screen, and not repeated. For the two years after that, sex was something to do, meant to punish myself or others, sometimes chosen, sometimes survived, but almost never involving strong sensations. Just numb friction and frustration. By the time I was initiated by a loving lesbian couple at eighteen, my body was a tangled mass of thwarted hunger and sorrowful confusion. They used hands and bodies and toys and textures and temperatures, with plenty of eye contact and negotiation. They teased and indulged, eased off and climbed, until finally we all broke through a wall together, and my body felt like my own again. At least for a blissful twenty four hours, though I learned I would need to listen to my body consistently, and to reclaim various parts of myself over and over again. Kink, like any kind of sex, is not an easy solution, or the answer to everything. It can, however, be ritual. Medicine. Magic. It can be be a path to our own shadowy places and back again. It can be a safety net we weave for each other, or ourselves. I am not saying it is the right tool for everyone, but I will say that it is often a part of our tool kits, even when we don’t recognize it as such. Those nights that we “get wild,” or how we sometimes like to bite our lovers, or how we feel about certain items. Those fantasies that we don’t share out loud. The birthday spankings we look forward to all year. I will say that kink is often just what’s on the other side of the line from what each person considers “normal sex,” and that crossing lines is sometimes a wonderful adventure. I will also say that if you are curious and want to explore, approach it thoughtfully. Do research (by which I do not mean pop culture offerings), ask questions, pay attention to how you respond, proceed slowly. Consensual is key, including with yourself. Exactly the same suggestions I would make for any kind of sexual exploration, because we all deserve more of that then we’ve been taught to believe. I found sacred in my sexual deviance. I wonder what you might find in yours? Sossity Chiricuzio is a writer and journalist based out of Portland, Oregon. She is a regular contributor for PQ Monthly and focuses on social justice, communication, community, and changing the world. You can reach her at sossitywrites.com or follow her online on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr & Instagram @sossitywrites.
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
Join Us for our PQ Press Party!
Liberating + Desire
Thursday, October 19th, 5pm.–7pm. Liberating Desire - 4810 NE Garfield Ave, Portland, OR 97211 OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 7 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
VOICES
Babes in Queerland Polyamory and the Queer Community By Em Mais polyamory, n. poly • am • ory The non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. The polyamorous community and the queer community have long been interwoven in their own unique ways, seeking support and acceptance from each other and creating safe spaces for people to love regardless of society’s views, judgements, and misconceptions. That being said, there are many individuals in both communities who don’t support members of the other. While these two communities may have their differences, it is important for us to understand each other, particularly in two groups that intersect as much as the
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER2017 2017 8 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
queer and polyamorous communities do. This article aims to bridge this gap by covering the basics of what polyamory is and is not, displacing common myths around polyamory, and talking about the basics of a healthy relationship (polyamorous or not). Polyamory should not be confused with polygyny (when one man has multiple wives), polyandry (when one woman has multiple husbands), or polygamy (having more than one husband or wife). Unlike the aforementioned practices polyamory is not religiously based, and emphasizes communication, honesty, and an individual’s choice in their relationships. This is also how polyamory differs from cheating: individuals who are cheating on their partner(s) would fail to communicate openly and honestly with them, and in doing so would eliminate their partner’s (or partner’s’) choice in the relationship(s). That being said, polyamory is usually not a free-for-all, do-whatever-you-want kind of setup. Different relationships have different rules, guidelines, and structure
that, if broken, would be considered cheating. One of the most common misconceptions is that humans are naturally monogamous; in fact very few animals naturally are. According to the national health and social life survey, Americans have an average of 7.2 sexual partners over the course of a lifetime. That in and of itself proves that we are not monogamous, as the definition of monogamy from a zoological perspective is “the practice of having only one mate in a lifetime”. This is not to say that people should not or do not get jealous; however, it is important to find the root cause of the jealousy rather than attempt to eradicate the feeling from the surface. Putting a bandaid on the emotion will only cause the jealously to eat away at the person until it can find other avenues of release. Honesty, communication, consent, and boundaries are key in any relationship, but are essential in polyamory to avoid damaging relationships. It is much more likely that a partner will feel jealous or have other emotions that could negatively impact all aspects of their life if these things are not happening. Polyamory is a way for people to freely grow in their relationships with others without the confines of a typical relationship. Humans are complex and have many different needs that must be met, and by giving someone the freedom to get their needs met by multiple people rather than attempting to get all their needs met by one person, there is the potential for less stress and more joy in all of those relationships. It is essential for marginalized groups to support one another, and regardless of your own views on any topic it is important to be aware and considerate of those around you and the impact your words could have on others. There are so many ways to love and so many fights that still must be fought for the equality of love. If you are interested in learning more about polyamory or how to be a good queer ally to the polyamorous community, check out these links: www.morethantwo.com www.huffingtonpost.com/vivienne-chen/gay-marriagepolyamory_b_1367260.html everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/polyamorous-excludedqueer
pqmonthly.com
VOICES
The Weapon of Fear By Suzanne Deakins
The manipulation continues. It seems each day we are handed either an insinuation or direct hit on fear by those in national power. Since the time immortal, leaders have used fear as a weapon to control and manipulate the general populace. We are continuously being assaulted by the use of fear to get us to act, buy, and vote in a certain way. Parents, schools, and politicians invade us with fear mongering. We have been taught to be afraid. The greatest fear of all is that of non-survival. Non-survival encompasses any idea we feel is necessary to continue living. It can include love, identity, acceptance, as well as the use of our basic creativity and thinking abilities. The latest news is filled with underlying fear innuendos. War with North Korea and nuclear exposure keeps us on edge missing other important signals of things happening within our government. The loss of medical coverage and tax increases all rhetoric positioned to keep us in a fog of fear. The fog is a kind of basic paranoia. As long as we reside in this fog we will buy things we don’t really need. Trying to keep ourselves safe, vote in a way we feel will eliminate and bring about a lifting of the fear fog rather than instilling love and acceptance of all. When I look back on history I see a world based on fear and paranoia rather than one based on love and critical thinking. No wonder we have to fight for our rights to exist, to embrace that which brings us the grace of being, love and peace. Some fear has a natural place in our existence. It keeps us from crossing a street against traffic, pushes us to seek medical help when we are ill, and helps us protect our children. This kind of fear is based on real experiences. The fog of fear, however, is based on something sinister and deceiving. It is based on our need to be told what to do, to be dictated to about our desires, longings, and need for acceptance and love. The fear of evil, of being called out as deviant in our lifestyle and behaviors is sinister and deadly to our existence as free human beings. When you accept your responsibility as a participant in the manipulation you can find a way out of the fog and the evil it represents to humanity. We all remain in a kind of enslavement of servitude. We are not in a place of service to a greater good, a more human existence, but rather enslaved by the needs of individuals who have no ability to love and embrace the grace of being, of existence.
“
It is my personal experience that only by being totally honest with our behavior and choices and their roots in our life are we ever free.
There is no easy way out of the fog of fear. The moment you begin observing your place in this fog, looking beyond and examining the root of your fears, you begin loosening the shackles that have kept you bound to the fog. I am not going to kid you. Freeing yourself is painful. Seeing our self being manipulated by the fear mongers and being too weak in the knees to stand up and say no will probably bring more than a few tears. It is my personal experience that only by being totally honest with our behavior and choices and their roots in our life are we ever free. In my life freedom has come in spurts. It seems as if with each step I took and eliminated the fog, a new fear appeared for me to see and conquer. The greatest lifting of the fog of fear comes when we are willing to look at how we manipulate others. Seeing how we enslave ourselves and keep our brothers and sisters of color, different races, different sexual and gender appetites, and religions in the fog. This insight is heartbreaking. We do this most often NOT of choice but rather out of dictated and manipulated behavior by our parents and society. Only as we free ourself from the prejudices, abhorrent thinking, and paranoia are we free to love all life, to express our likes and dislikes. As you begin this kind of journey your ego will scream out: No, no, not me, not this time. I am not going to change. Be willing to love someone—yourself or another—enough to move past the ego. Know that each step you take is for yourself and generations yet to be born. Place your fear on the altar of tomorrow and watch it be consumed by the fire of life. We have always been free, we are the stuff of stars, but in our sleep of fear, we have forgotten this. Once awakened we see beyond our fear-sleep into the nature of reality Love. Suzanne Deakins, Ph.D. is a publisher (One Spirit Press and The Q Press) and author. Her books may be found on amazon.com. She teaches seminars on critical thinking and ontology, as well as Radical Forgiveness. She maybe reached at suzannedeak@gmail.com
pqmonthly.com
READ e-books LISTEN to audiobooks ENJOY
our digital collection wccls.org/e-books OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 9 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
CALENDAR
1 COMMUNITY EVENTS
3
All Holla’s Eve: a Halloween Party & Costume Contest
Understanding Our Implicit Bias: Who, Me? Yes, You.
Native Arts & Craft Fair
Getting appropriate and comprehensive medical and psychological care can be very difficult when you are involved in sexuality communities or lifestyles. This workshop, hosted by SPEEC, provides information and tools for talking to your providers about your body, your needs and how they can best support you. Monday, October 23, 6:15–9 pm at The Liquor Store, 3341 SE Belmont St, Portland. Free admission. More info at http://bit.ly/2yDzPsV.
TOP PICKS
2
Be Sexy, Be Well: Talking to your medical and other professional
PDX Death Café at Q Center
Come drink tea, eat cake and discuss death. Our aim is to increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their (finite) lives. This Death Café is open to the public. Space is limited and advance registration is required. We also appreciate contributions to our finger-food potluck buffet. Sunday, October 22, 2–4 pm at Q Center, 4115 N Mississippi Ave, Portland. Free admission, donations gratefully accepted. All ages event. Registration at http://bit.ly/2gaLurB.
Interrupting Racism Actionshop
Racism is all around us. It lives in the DNA of every system and institution, including here in Portland. This Actionshop is focused on interpersonal racism, within the context of systemic and institutional oppression. We will explore the way racism arises in our everyday interactions, and offer tools and practice for interrupting racism. Thursday, October 26, 9 am–4 pm at Mercy Corps, 45 SW Ankeny St, Portland. Tickets sliding scale $0–240, no one turned away for lack of funds, registration required at http://bit.ly/2gc6IVN.
Venus In Furs: A Darkly Gothic Erotic Dance Night: Witches’ Eve
An evening of dancing and witchery, featuring DJ Jody Rose and DJ Aurora. Witches’ Blessing by Claire at 9:30 pm. Tarot Card Readings by Avi Shai. Crystal and Gem Table by The Crystal Experience. Dancing by Jessica Kendall. Monday, October 23, 9 pm–2 am at The Know, 3728 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland. Free admission, 21+ only. More info at http://bit.ly/2xvNmm6.
Our society has encouraged colorblind ideology without taking into consideration the impact it has on people of color. While the intentions may be good, this approach doesn’t change the fact that race still matters. In her keynote, Dr. Hollins will discuss research on implicit bias, propose alternative ways of thinking, and share strategies for mitigating the impact. Friday, October 27, 6–7:30 pm at Hillsboro Civic Center, 150 E Main St, Hillsboro. Free admission. More info at http://bit. ly/2ye9M8p.
Benefit Screening For Right 2 Dream Too
A special benefit screening for Right 2 Dream Too to support the purchase and installation of solar infrastructure in their village, located in the Lloyd district. Five short documentaries and narratives will be showing on a range of topics—from the national housing crisis to making a friend on the ride home. Friday, October 27, 6–10 pm at 2410 N Mississippi Ave, Portland. Tickets $15–45 at http://bit.ly/2ybjvPh. More info at http:// bit.ly/2hCADTP.
lusty stories from Nicholas Kessler, Eleanor Cathleen O’Brien, Jay Robert Flewelling, Vinnie Kinsella, and Torrie Fields. Thursday, October 26, 7:30–9:30 pm at McMenamin’s Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St, Portland. Tickets $12–20 at http://bit.ly/2gdUBr8. More info at http://bit.ly/2gdV24K.
Join us on All Hallow’s Eve, or as we like to call it: All HOLLA’S Eve for a Halloween party and costume contest! We’ll play some spooky music, have some creepy drink specials, and you can show off your costume and dance through the witching hour! Tuesday, October 31, 8:30–11:59 pm at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St, Portland. Free admission, 21+ only. More info at http://bit.ly/2xyhXKG.
Columbia River Inter-Tribal Fish Commission (CRITFC) invites you to celebrate at our annual Native Arts and Crafts Fair! The fair features artwork and other items made by local Native American artists. If you are interested in being a vendor, contact Lucy R Suppah at (503) 238-0667 or lucy@critfc.org. Friday, November 3, 9 am–3 pm at Columbia River Inter-Tribal Fish Commission (CRITFC), 700 NE Multnomah St, Portland. Free admission, all ages event. More info at http://bit.ly/2kJomli.
AlterConf Portland
AlterConf is a traveling conference series that provides safe opportunities for marginalized people and those who support them in the tech and gaming industries. By highlighting the powerful voices and positive initiatives of local community members, we build hope and strengthen the community’s resolve to create safer, healthier spaces for everyone. Saturday, November 4, 10 am–5 pm at 1615 SE 3rd Ave, Portland. Tickets sliding scale $0–150 at http://bit.ly/2xApXej.
Featuring DJs Pocket Rock-It, II Trill and Mr. Charming. Hosted by Laura Anne. Photographer TBA. Saturday, October 28, 9 pm–2 am at Killingsworth Dynasty, 832 N Killingsworth St, Portland. Admission $5 at the door, 21+ only. More info at http://bit.ly/2g0QQll.
Gods and Monsters: a Burlesque Tribute to American Horror Story
It’s the Teasin’ of the Witch! Join us for our third installment of Gods and Monsters: a Burlesque Tribute to American Horror Story. Our cast will shimmy their way through tributes to Myrtle Snow, Mr. March, The Countess, The Supreme and more! Hosted by the Mad Marquis, tunes by DJ Aurora. Saturday, October 28,
GOOD TIMES
7 Deadly Sins: Lust 2.0!
Attention storytelling fans! Prepare your best cheesy pick-up lines, choose an easy-to-remember safe word, and horizontal-boggie on down as five absurdly talented and sexy storytellers take the stage to tell true stories of everybody’s favorite sin: LUST. Featuring OCTOBER/NOVEMBER2017 2017 10 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
7:30–10:30 pm at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St, Portland. Tickets $17–25 at http://bit. ly/2i3unYV, $20 at the door, 21+ only.
Ghosted // a homo halloween // Saturday Oct 28th
GHOSTED! A homo halloween party for queer folks and their well behaved guests. Costumes encouraged.
BlowPony! Annual Homoween Saturday October 28th w/ Shea Coulee!
Fierceness! F*ggotry! Ghoulish debauchery! With Shea Coulee (RuPaul’s Drag Race S9), Wolfgang, Valerie DeVille, Miss Inanna and Angelica D’Vil! Bangin your brains and bodies: Airick X, Just Dave, Matt Consola pqmonthly.com
CALENDAR
CALENDAR VOICES
3
and guest DJ Matt Stands. Swaying and capturing your souls: Heatherette, Nikki Bunz, Charley Sharp, Johnny Cakes, Vye, Latoya and Guest. Saturday, October 28, 9 pm–3 am at Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside St, Portland. Admission $19, 21+ only. More info at http://bit.ly/2yez08N.
REJECTED: A SHOW
Ever put a lot of hard work, sweat and tears into something creative and have it be rejected? Not at REJECTED: A SHOW, where art, comedy, dance, and porn meet for a night of wild abandon! Live performances as well as the world premier of homemade porno THE BUCKET LIST. Hosted by the ever thirsty Jenna Vesper. Saturday, November 4, 10 pm at Mister Theater, 1847 E Burnside St, Portland. Admission $5 at the door. More info at http://bit.ly/2yejwlg.
GOOD TIMES
CONTINUED
sexualities, genders, kinks, and fetishes—all united by a shared spirit of sex-positivity. Thursday, November 2–Saturday, November 11 at Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St, Portland. Tickets $25 at http://bit. ly/2gdt89b. More info at http://bit.ly/2gyeVR3.
Darcelle XV 87th Birthday Celebration! You Better Work, Witch: Pre-Halloween Dance Party
Join our late night Halloween event for dancing, drink specials and general costume fun! Saturday, October 28, 10:30 pm–2:30 am at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St, Portland. Free admission, 21+ only. More info at http://bit.ly/2wM2Pdn.
Showtunes Spook-a-long
Showtunes Singalong is back with a special SPOOKY version! Boys and ghouls, join us for a costume contest and a special creepy singalong with all your favorites. Watch the videos on our projection screen as we take a raucous romp through musical history, from Sondheim to Disney, from Rodgers & Hammerstein to Hedwig! Monday, October 30, 7–10 pm at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St, Portland. Free admission, 21+ only. Happy hour until midnight! More info at http://bit. ly/2xxQsBh.
Leather Family Brunch
Your Oregon State Leather Title Family 2017 cordially invite you to a join us for brunch! We figure you might want to get to know us a bit better—and what better way than over a delicious breakfast of pancakes, bacon, eggs and coffee/tea! Your donation goes towards SMYRC and our travel funds. Saturday, November 4, 10 am–1 pm at HIV Day Center, 2941 NE Ainsworth St, Portland. $10 admission at the door (breakfast included), free for kids under 18. All ages event. More info at http:// bit.ly/2i2nNlD.
Dan Savage’s 13th Annual HUMP! Film Festival, Portland
The Emmy’s loves her, Guinness World Records loves her, but she’s all OURS! Portland is proud and happy to come together for the celebration of Darcelle’s 87th Birthday! Special guest entertainment by La Femme Magnifique Pageant winners! In lieu of gifts, Darcelle will be accepting new unwrapped toys for the KGW Great Toy Drive. Sunday, November 12, 5–8 pm at Darcelle XV Showplace, 208 NW 3rd Ave, Portland. Doors at 5 pm, show at 6 pm. Free admission, 21+ only. More info at http://bit.ly/2yhLxrC.
Monthlies and Weeklies
Gay Skate
Come join PQ Monthly for our monthly Gay Skate night. Gay skate happens the 3rd Monday of every month. Third Mondays, 7–9 pm at Oaks Amusement Park, 7805 SE Oaks Pkwy, Portland.
Legendary Mondays
Every Monday, Bart Fitzgerald curates one of the most refreshing events of the week. If you make it through a Monday, you deserve to attend. Music by Dubblife. Mondays, 9 pm–2 am at Swift Lounge, 1932 NE Broadway St. Portland. Free and open to the public, 21+ only.
Weekly karaoke night for the queer community. Mondays at Stag PDX, 317 NW Broadway, Portland. Free, 21+ only.
CALENDAR SPONSORED BY
pqmonthly.com
Dykes on Bikes Bingo Fundraiser
First card free, $3 cards after. Happens the first Tuesday every month. First Tuesday, 6–8 pm at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St., Portland.
Last Wednesgays
Get through hump day with a bonus LGBTQ drink or two. This hip, rustic-industrial hangout offers a patio, fireplaces, and ping-pong. Last Wednesdays, 6–9 pm at Century, 930 SE Sandy Blvd, Portland. Free admission, 21+ only.
Amateur Night
Amateur night in the main bar hosted by the gorgeous Godiva DeVyne. Interested dancers should arrive by 8:45 p.m. Wednesdays at Stag PDX, 317 NW Broadway, Portland. Free, 21+ only.
Throwback Thursdays
Throwback Thursday hosted by the always fashionable Drexler. The house DJ spins the best pop, hip hop, and R&B hits of the 80s, 90s, and 00s. Thursdays at Stag PDX, 317 NW Broadway, Portland. Free admission, 21+ only.
Burlesque S’il Vous Plait
Enjoy a classic burlesque show with a contemporary variety twist every first Friday. First Fridays, 9 pm at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St., Portland. Doors at 8:30 pm. Admission $12–18.
Stag Karaoke Mondays
The HUMP! Film Festival features short dirty movies created by people who aren’t porn stars but want to be one for a weekend. Our carefully curated program is a cornucopia of body types, shapes, ages, colors,
Bi Bar
Bi, pan, fluid, and queer folks are welcome to come to the monthly Bi Bar event every second Tuesday at Crush Bar. Second Tuesdays, 8–11:30 pm at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St., Portland. No cover.
Bronco Night at Stag
Every first Saturday is Bronco, a sexy men’s night in Portland and across the U.S. at men’s clubs. Enjoy beefy bearded dancers, great tunes, photo booths, and sexy visuals! First Saturdays, 9 pm–2 am at Stag PDX, 317 NW Broadway, Portland. $6 before 10 pm, $10 after; doors at 9 pm. 21+ only.
Pants Off Dance Off
Body positive, bare-as-you-dare dance party that happens every first Saturday of the month. First Saturdays, 9 pm at Crush Bar, 1400 SE Morrison St., Portland. $7 cover, clothes check included.
Testify Brunch
Testify Brunch hosted by the fabulous Alexis Campbell Starr. Show starts at 12:30 pm. Sundays, 11 am–3 pm at Stag PDX, 317 NW Broadway, Portland. Free admission.
Have an event you want considered? Submit your events at calendar@pqmonthly.com.
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 11 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
COMMUNITY
Kaj-Anne Pepper & Carla Rossi
Merging Drag and Fine Art By Shaley Howard
You have probably seen events with drag artists KajAnne Pepper and Carla Rossi headlining. They are quickly becoming icons in the queer community for their not-sosubtle mashing together of drag, fine art, dance, political critique, and performance. For a lot of us it’s new territory, and a far cry from the birthdays and bachelorette parties we’ve had at Darcelle XV. So what is this new incarnation of drag? And what can we learn in order to appreciate all of the nuances it has to offer? PQ Monthly sat down with these two artists to learn more about the glittering and probing world of their performances.
“
I see myself as trying to confuse the signals, not emulate women. Drag exposes the idea that everything is a construction.
What is the difference between more traditional drag and the drag you create? Pepper: I think that tradition sometimes calcifies. There’s certain roles and identifications that we have now that push up against what they are promoting and presenting because they haven’t changed with it. My work is contemporary dance and performance. More traditional drag such as Darcelle is also performing arts, but it’s not performance art. Can you talk about how drag operates within your artist practice? Carla: I see myself as trying to confuse the signals, not emulate women. Drag exposes the idea that everything is a construction; they’re all just different cues from different categories that we select to say one thing. You can show that you can cross the wires and be something different completely. What are some of the key themes your work explores? Carla: It’s about constructing this identity. The fact that being a mixed race person and genderqueer—those are inherently
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER2017 2017 12 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
Photos by Gia Goodrich political topics, unfortunately, because of the world that we live in. That’s why I’m drawn to this kind of drag and why I do the work I do. It’s my way of exploring it and working it out onstage. Pepper: Doing drag is inherently about gender and power. All drag is political in nature but that doesn’t mean all drag queens are politically conscious. When you’re making work about identity, the line between the identity and the artwork become blurred. To cross genders and mock power and power figures is inherent in the mimicry. Part of that is comedy and part of that is us trying to grapple with systems that are larger than us. One overtly political video I made was Hillary Clinton fisting Donald Trump on stage. By doing that it’s my way of accessing the power that they have and making fun of it with an audience who might even categorically have less power than me. Can you talk about what it’s like to straddle that line between your work viewed as fine arts versus entertainment? Carla: I try not to label myself as an artist or entertainer. I think that often when something is labeled as art, it becomes this idea of [inaccessibility] for certain people. Drag has always been sort of an underground queer art form because of class issues—because of availability, safety and space we had to perform in nightclubs. That’s why it gets labeled as this nightlife, underground gay thing versus being seen as an actual art form. Pepper: I don’t have a lot of control over how it’s viewed; only where I set my work. Fine art drag queens are having their national moment. Queer people, gay people and gender artists have always been around institutions. It’s just that now we’re more visible and valued in our culture. What is your hope for how people engage with your work? Carla: I want people to laugh and forget the shitty world we live in. Even if I’m critiquing and referencing all the trauma and horror out there, I want people to be able to laugh. Pepper: I like to think I turn tragic into magic and trauma into drama. It’s important for me to be with the femme grotesque in myself and be with grief. I think underneath all of my humor, absurdity or wackiness, there’s a level of grief and acknowledgement. Hoping there will be a transformation with myself and the audience.
“
If our work looks political it’s because we’re queer persons trying to figure it out in our artwork and lives.
What is most commonly misunderstood about your practice and performances? Pepper: That we make lots of money. And straight people think I’m a stripper. I consider my drag practice also a dance practice. It just doesn’t look like Oregon Ballet Theater. Carla: That people think I’m trying to be a good drag queen! Or they say, “You’re so beautiful!” and I think, “Am I?” Because Carla’s a monster, designed to be a sewer creature. I also think some people can’t read through my jokes when I’m playing this white lady who’s actually mocking white supremacy. I’ve had people ask why I think white supremacy and racism is funny. They get a little too “Portland” about it [and they miss the point]. So much of what you do is politicized. Why is this important? Pepper: If our work looks political it’s because we’re queer persons trying to figure it out in our artwork and lives. Carla: My work is outright political. As a Native person, a queer, a gender confused person, mixed race person, feminist; these are all political issues. It’s weird because they’re literally just issues about conditions of my existence. It’s how I actively depower and digest it. In fact, I’m constantly thinking about it, especially with the Trump administration. I took a minutelong shit on this giant head of Donald Trump on the screen on stage when Carla couldn’t use the restroom because of Trump—this was right after the trans bathroom law. She bent over and had animated poop emoji’s fly on him. That is what I do to get over the sheer horror of what we’re living through. Tickets for Kaj-Anne Pepper’s upcoming Diva Practice, Solo performance can be found at divapracticesolo. brownpapertickets.com. For Carla Rossi’s Queer Horror Halloween tickets visit www. queer-horror.com.
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 13 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
COMMUNITY
Join Us for our PQ Press Party!
Liberating + Desire
Thursday, October 19th, 5pm.–7pm. Liberating Desire - 4810 NE Garfield Ave, Portland, OR 97211
GAY SKATE WITH
11.20.17 7-9pm Oaks Park Roller Rink 7805 SE Oaks Park Way, Portland, Oregon 97202
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 2017 14 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
PROUD QUEER
facebook.com/pqmonthly
EVERY LETTER, EVERY COLOR, EVERYWHERE
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
LOCAL
Queer & Kinky in PDX By Stella Harris
Stella and Valentine. Photo by Adom Leonetti
Portland has been called the kinkiest city in the country, so if kink and BDSM is something you are interested in, you’re in the right place. There’s an event of some kind almost every night of the week, so you are likely to have a harder time filtering than finding something to do. When you decide to get involved, there are a few things to think about. The first one that comes up for most people is safety and privacy. Before you start that FetLife.com account with pictures of your face (or identifiable tattoos), think long and hard about any potential consequences to being outed as kinky. And although most events do not allow photography, a few do, so that is something to look at when deciding what events you would like to attend. Other safety considerations are similar to any kind of dating or going out that you might do. Be careful not to give out too much personal information to people before you get to know them, and make sure at least one person knows where you are going, who you are with, and when you will be back or check in. This is often called a “safe call” and it’s a great system to have in place.
“
Think not only about what you want to do, but how you want to feel.
When you are diving into kink, you also need to make sure your communication and negotiation skills are well honed, because they are essential to BDSM safety. Look up yes/no/maybe lists online, read some kinky erotica, and talk to your friends. Try to get a sense for what you might like to try, and what is a definite “no.” Negotiating a kink scene should go into a lot of detail. Think not only about what you want to do, but how you want to feel. Consider how much—if any— sexual touch you want as a part of your kink, and negotiate that carefully. Don’t forget to negotiate sexual safety (gloves, condoms, etc.) if sex is part of what you’re doing. Be sure to talk about language, too. Let folks know what words you use for your gender and body parts, and find out about theirs. Terms like “good boi/y” or “good girl,” are common in kink spaces, so let people know if those work for you or not. When you are first starting out, check out some munches. A munch is a social event for kinksters, usually at a restaurant or bar (hence the name) where no play occurs. Although there’s a munch almost every night of the week in Portland, there is also a queer-specific munch that meets every first Thursday at Radio Room. According to their description, “This munch is for anyone who identifies as queer and their partners. By queer, we mean gay men, lesbians, fags, dykes, bisexuals, pansexuals, and polysexuals along with transfolk, those who are genderqueer, gender flexible, gender fluid, and gender fuckers. If the word queer feels like home for part of you or all of you, you are WELCOME.” Fetlife: PDX Queer Munch; Facebook: PDX Queer Munch.
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
“
To really be queer friendly it takes more than writing those words on your event description.
When you do decide to attend parties, that doesn’t mean you have to play. Simply attending as a voyeur is a great way to get started and get an idea of what you like. Also, be careful not to yuck anyone’s yum. Once you start attending events, you will likely see stuff you’re not into. It’s okay to just walk away. Portland’s Queer Kink Events In Portland, most kink venues, parties, and events are at least nominally queer friendly. But of course to really be queer friendly it takes more than writing those words on your event description. Luckily, we’ve got several events run by and for queer folks, also. First up is Dirty Playground, which hosts an annual summer camp just outside of Portland. Megan, a co-organizer, writes, “We have been going for 6 years strong and started as a bi-monthly party for queer identified people who wanted a queer only space in the BDSM community to meet, play and build community. While we don’t have bi-monthly parties anymore, we do have an annual adult summer camp that is ridiculously fun and hot! We work hard to create a safe safe for all bodies, all experience levels, all genders and POC people to enjoy playing in the woods!” For more info, check them out on Fetlife: DirtyPlayground; Facebook: DirtyPlaygroundPDX. Another local group, Bad Girls, “is an SM/Leather social and educational group for self-identified women as well as folks who describe themselves as butch, femme, dyke, boi, agender, genderqueer, and more, who are interested in BDSM. They offer workshops, discussion groups, socials, special events, play parties, and an online community.” Fetlife: PDXBadGirls; Facebook: PDX Bad Girls. On the self-proclaimed wilder side is Pan-Demonium, described by party host Nikki Lev as “queer, genderqueer and the occasional ally performers in a drag/burlesque/strip show at the sex club ‘The Velvet Rope’ every last Friday of the month. The show presents different sexualities and gender variety to a crowd that is a mix of straight allies, trans folks and everyone in between…. Because The Velvet Rope is a sex club, the performances can feature full nudity. The afterparty that continues to 4 AM can veer towards a hedonistic mix of stripper pole exhibitionism, group and partner sex (public or private rooms) featuring many sexualities and light kink play. And pool games and socializing in the bar area for those who are perhaps not ready for the rest….”
Next up is How Queer! According to co-organizer Jax Black, this party started in 2016 ”to fill a gap in the Portland area kink community: while many of the existing events were queer-friendly, there wasn’t a specifically queer-oriented play party, thrown by queers for queers. A year & a half later, we’re a thriving monthly event that prides itself on being a friendly & welcoming space for all queer folx who are interested in (or curious about!) kink or Leather. Our venue offers plenty of space for socializing, a well-equipped playspace, and a quiet room for aftercare. [The event includes] a bootblack for keeping your leathers beautiful, a snack area for keeping up your energy, and wristbands you can wear to signal interest, or lack thereof, in playing. If you’re brand new, or on the shy side, our friendly volunteers are always happy to show you around, answer your questions, and sometimes even play matchmaker. If you’re a seasoned player, you know what to bring. If you’re new? Bring a good attitude and an open mind. We look forward to meeting you!” Fetlife: How_Queer; Facebook: How Queer! A Queer BDSM Party. The monthly Deviance! party is open to everyone, but they have taken some tangible steps to be more welcoming to a queer audience. Party Host Mr. Cross writes, “The Deviance! party’s goal is to attract people from all sex positive groups. Despite being held in a space that is generally perceived as a lifestyle night club, we’ve done things to try to make the space feel more inclusive. For our party we’ve created two gender neutral bathrooms and converted the area that’s usually designated for couples and single women into a more gender neutral space by labeling it for couples and groups of any gender.” I have seen small groups of queer folks host their own unofficial “takeover” of the Deviance! party by planning to attend as a group, and I think that’s always a great way to try something out for the first time. It’s the third Thursday of every month, if you’d like to check it out.
“
Sometimes the best parties are the ones you throw yourself.
You can also browse through the event listings on FetLife or on SPEEC’s event calendar for more options: speecportland. org/pdx-kink-events-calendar. And finally, if you don’t see what you want, invent your own! Sometimes the best parties are the ones you throw yourself. You can curate the invitation list and set your own boundaries for what you feel comfortable with. If you ask around, you’re bound to find a few friends who are also curious. What often works is setting a topic to explore, like rope bondage, where people can learn, look at books, and watch videos, while practicing on each other. Often learning and practice can feel like a safer way to start than jumping into play. And because kink is risky, it’s also a great way to make sure you learn how to do whatever you are interested in safely. Most of all, have fun! Your imagination is the only limit when it comes to ways to explore. So spend some time fantasizing about what you would really love to do, and then find some ways to make it happen.
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 15 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
COMMUNITY
Navigating Kink: An Interview with Angie Gunn and Stella Harris By Ryn McCoy
When I first started dipping my toes into the kink scene here in Portland, it seemed I could not attend a single social event without running into two people in particular: Stella Harris and Angie Gunn. Not only are they both extremely active in Portland kink communities in social and organizer roles; they are also both full-time professionals in the field of sexuality. Angie Gunn is a licensed therapist that serves LGBTQIPA+, kinky, non-monogamous, sexual trauma survivors, and others as an ally, advocate, and resource for connection, change and healing. She also serves as the Sex Therapy Expert for the Talkspace Team of more than 2000 therapists, and as the chairperson for SPEEC, an intersectional sexuality non-profit. Stella Harris is a writer, sex coach, and certified Intimacy Educator. She teaches everything from pleasure anatomy to communication skills to kink and BDSM, and she has presented at venues and conferences nationally. She regularly writes articles for many different outlets, and her fiction is included in more than a dozen anthologies. Proud Queer Monthly sat down with Angie and Stella to talk about kink, queerness, and sex education in the Portland community. Tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do. Angie: My primary mode is working as a therapist. A lot of my clients are kink folks, LGBTQ folks, and folks that are trying out different relationship structures along the openness spectrum. A lot of my clients are also sexual trauma survivors who have been exposed to harm in sexual spaces. I do some public speaking and teaching related to those topics, and last spring I also became the board chair of SPEEC, which serves as an organization for sexuality groups in Portland to have a place that they can go for resources, collaboration and, ideally in the next few months, a physical meeting space, which we have been working on getting. I personally identify as part of the kink scene and part of the non-monogamous communities, and I’m just dipping a toe into queer spaces, so that’s a newer piece of my identity. Stella: I am a writer, educator and coach. I teach and consult in both sex ed and kink contexts, and I do private coaching around exploring sex and sexuality—everything from sexual technique to introducing kink to opening up relationships. One of the things I do a lot of is just telling people they’re okay, and listening without judgment. Many people that come to my office are telling me things they have never said out loud to another person before, so just me responding like, “Yep,
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 2017 16 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
that’s great!” is often all they needed. When I’m teaching, it’s a lot more about actual techniques or anatomy. I will often do live demo classes; with my Mapping the Vulva class I’ll actually have someone up on a massage table and be touching them, or I do a strap-on play class where I’m fucking somebody in front of a hundred people to teach techniques. As a sex coach, one of the things I can get away with that is different from a clinical therapist is that I can actually be in the room with people while they are trying things and touching each other. It’s a lot like a personal trainer, telling you to do that one last pull-up when you would have given up if you were by yourself. Which is so often how it works with sex; people get frustrated when they are not getting the results they want, and they give up. Just pushing through that frustration is often a huge part. And yes, sometimes there are actual techniques I teach clients, and that can be part of it too, but the bigger part is more often me being there for encouragement and accountability. The Sex-Positive Education and Event Center (SPEEC) has evolved a lot since its conception. What has that journey been like, and what’s next? Stella: I was brought on early on as a volunteer when they thought that a building was imminent. A lot of the work of those early days was poised specifically around having a building, but that fell through. Since then, that hunt has only gotten harder because a space that is ADA accessible, accessible by public transit, etc.—those spaces practically don’t exist, at least not within any kind of reasonable budget. I was made a board member after about six months of volunteering, and since then we have had a gradual transition from being about that physical space to being about what other resources we can provide along the way. My time as a board member is actually up this month, but I will definitely still be involved. Angie: My biggest goal coming on as chair last year was to make some deliberate shifts to being more intentionally intersectional, which was something that was a part of our
language, but there were not a lot of efforts being made specifically to reach out to marginalized communities and get their involvement in creating sex positive spaces. So that is the biggest change we have made, and that has included recently adding a steering committee made up of delegates from different marginalized groups, so different areas of intersection will be represented. We are also still working toward getting a physical space, and we are really hoping to have that in the next six months. We have also expanded what kind of events we do. We are still doing our standard events, like Narratives, which are discussion groups around different issues in sexuality, and we are now doing workshops once a month at the Close-In Munch on Mondays at The Liquor Store. We are also doing a youth sexual health leadership summit in November to help mentors, teachers, parents, etc. get educational information about things schools won’t talk about—pleasure, arousal, sexting, pornography, kink, etc. In your experience, do you feel l ik e P or tl and has a particularly active sexuality and sex education scene? Stella: Portland is this sort of confluence of the libertarian streak in this state and people that like to think of themselves as very progressive, so I think there’s a willingness to accept some of these things that makes it possible. And then, of course, the way the laws shake out in Oregon, there’s a lot of openness to sexuality. That’s part of why there are so many strip clubs; laws around sex and nudity and that sort of thing make it possible for clubs and venues to function—and even then it can be kind of tricky, but easier than it is in many states. Angie: In Portland I feel like we are insulated in our sexuality communities, so we forget how alternative our lives really are. I don’t always remember how weirdo I am until I go do a talk or a workshop somewhere else. And then it can be nice for me to see that contrast and be reminded that we really are making important changes here and doing stuff that is meaningful. I identify as an activist, and I believe that the work we do,
pqmonthly.com
COMMUNITY every event we have, every client I see is an act of courage and defiance against a mainstream world that is trying to keep us from having sex and pleasure. What do you think are the biggest pros and cons of the kink scene in Portland? Angie: The biggest pro in Portland is that it’s just a huge community, so you may not find your niche right away, but there’s a munch every night of the week and each one has a group of people to connect with. And I think the kink scene is one of the only places where you can walk up to a complete stranger and ask what kinds of things they’re into, and you’re likely to get a response—and they’ll be excited to talk about it! So it is usually a pretty safe space to learn and discuss without judgment.
“
There is progress and potential, but there is also twenty years of history of the kink scene being taken over by hetero folks that we are having to push back against.
As for cons, the same kinds of challenges you run into in any community you also run into in the kink scene; it’s not a more skilled community in terms of being able to manage those issues. There is definitely the kind of in-group fighting that is not always helpful to the community at large. Historically, the BDSM community has had a particular approach to consent and boundaries and how to navigate and negotiate sexual spaces that makes it distinct from other communities, so I think that puts it immediately at odds with certain other sexuality groups because of this different set of in-group rules. And then even within that BDSM community, there are conflicts between young folks and older folks, and between different kinds of kinks and the way that’s expressed, etc. One of our challenges is that the larger the community gets, the more that stuff comes up. Which is unfortunate because there are actually a lot of shared values that could bring cohesiveness across different segments of the community. I mean, our current political climate can be a pretty scary place to be out sexually—things could shift dramatically at any moment—so we all have to stick together and be sex weirdos together, because we need each other and we have a lot more power when we are together. Stella: Although it’s certainly not perfect, I think our community is relatively accepting of a wide variety of kinks; things that are stigmatized in a lot of communities seem to be more openly accepted here. When I was a greeter at a munch for a few years, people would be so shy to tell me the thing they were into, and basically whatever it was, I was like, “Oh great! This whole table of people does that thing; go talk to them!” A thread that runs really strongly through events here is “don’t yuck people’s yum;” just walk away if you are not into it. So that’s a nice thing, for people to know that they are okay and that we were all sort of misfits until we found each other, so now we’re all weird together even if we’re all weird a little differently. Being a part of Portland, of course, the kink community has problems with inclusivity and diversity and accessibility. A lot of venues in town have not been accessible, which is one of the things that SPEEC is trying to address. And obviously
pqmonthly.com
everything in Portland has a race problem, but I think that kink is even especially white for Portland, which is saying something, so that is also something that SPEEC is trying to address.
or arousal is helpful because it can guide your conversations and prevent abuse from happening in the scene. A lot of harm tends to happen when people don’t know their own personal boundaries until after they have been crossed.
Could you talk about the intersection of kinkiness and queerness?
Stella: A lot of people have that kind of bad experience as their first experience, and then they leave and never come back because they assume that’s what the whole scene is like. One of my favorite homework assignments for clients is to read shortform erotica, to see if thinking about a particular thing turns you on before you physically try it. Also it’s important to find safe people to try it with for the first time. You can try going to the kinds of events that have tastings (spaces where people can briefly try out a type of play with someone experienced in that activity)—it’s not perfect, but the people doing tastings are somewhat vetted as somebody safe to try this thing with, so it’s at least better than just meeting somebody on the internet.
Angie: At Kinkfest last year, Patrick Califia spoke about how the gay leather scene started out as a hub of activism, so queer and kink activism were very integrated. But they have slowly moved away and become different things, to the point where a lot of gay men want nothing to do with the formal kink scene, so they have their own pockets of gay leather communities that are not really integrated in the larger community. I’m interested to see if we can maybe build some bridges now and create some interconnectedness, at least amongst the older leather communities. I think there have been times where the kink scene was a pretty hetero and misogynistic place that was not always safe for different kinds of people. There is progress and potential, but there is also twenty years of history of the kink scene being taken over by hetero folks that we are having to push back against. Stella: An interesting thing I have found in my personal explorations is that when I am in queer spaces—usually with younger folks, it seems to be a lot of people in their twenties— like say, at a sex party, and people go around in a circle talking about what they are into, they will go ahead and say if they are a top or a bottom, and talk about impact play and bondage, and it seems a lot more integrated, like kink is just assumed in those spaces. So at these queer sex parties people are spanking each other and slapping each other in the face, and that’s just what they do. But then I’ll go to sex parties that are straighter and older, and it seems very separate, like it’s either a sex thing or a kink thing. Within the larger kink scene, queerness is definitely not as integrated as I would like it to be. There are a few places in town that host specifically queer parties, but aside from that, it all leans heteronormative, and most folks don’t want to show up to a party and be the only queer person in a heteronormative space. There are a lot of places where the attitude is that bi women are okay as long as they end up mostly playing with dudes, and it’s even less friendly towards men playing together. It really takes a huge event like Kinkfest to be able to see all of the people doing all of the things, and even then, groups like Dirty Playground organize meetups so queer folks can walk in together and feel safe.
Angie: And you can always say no and stop something immediately. There is sometimes guilt and shame around performance stuff, feeling like you need to do a good job, be a good submissive, etc. None of that is relevant when it comes to your pleasure and your boundaries and well-being. You can always stop something immediately and you can always renegotiate, regardless of what role you are in.
“
There are so many events you can go to where everyone has their clothes on and it’s in a public place, so you can take things at a pace you are comfortable with.
Stella: And you should get far away from anybody who tries to shame you for that.
What advice would you give to newer folks about getting into the kink scene?
Is there anything else about kink that we have not discussed that you think would be good for people to know?
Stella: It’s not all or nothing—there’s no “you must be this kinky to attend” stuff. Even FetLife has an option in the dropdown menu to identify as “vanilla” or “unsure.” There are so many events you can go to where everyone has their clothes on and it’s in a public place, so you can take things at a pace you are comfortable with. Even at bigger dungeon parties, you are not walking straight into something where everyone is just naked and rolling around—people have their clothes on, people are mingling, there’s always a snack table— it’s pretty tame compared to what porn or movies have told you it’s going to be like. So you don’t need to be scared—take a buddy and go try it!
Angie: Kink and sex can be separate or they can be integrated. There are some people who do kink together and don’t do any sex stuff with each other—even if they are naked and getting spanked, they don’t identify that as a sex thing. So that can help kink feel like a safer space as well—you can go and have experiences that don’t involve your genitals at all, and you can be specific about wanting that and people will be fine with it.
Angie: It’s a good idea to find groups that do the thing you’re into. SPEEC has a community resources list, and FetLife can also be a good place to find those listings. If you are, say, a little or a submissive that wants to connect to other littles or submissives first, there is a meetup for that, and that can feel a lot safer as an entry point than going to a more general event. Doing tons of reading and getting a sense for what you are into is also helpful. When people walk into a playspace and just say, “I want to try everything!” that can be really dangerous. So try to be able to say more specific things, like, “I think this bondage thing sounds fun. I think I’m turned on by spanking. I’m interested in what it would be like to be in control of someone.” Having some idea of interests
Follow Stella Harris at stellaharris.net.
Stella: There has been some interesting writing and discussion about whether or not kink itself (or a specific kink) is a sexual identity. There are some people who identify that way; they are into the kink or particular sensation and as far as the person or people they are doing it with, gender is a non-issue, because it’s the activity that matters. So that is a fascinating area being analyzed and discussed. Follow Angie Gunn at connectivetherapyservices.com.
Learn more about SPEEC at speecportland.org; find volunteer opportunities at speecportland.org/volunteer. Check out upcoming sexuality events in the Portland area at speecportland. org/community-calendar.
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 17 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
COMMUNITY
My Time in Virtual Reality
By Luis Silva
As defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, virtual reality is, “A computer-generated simulation of a threedimensional image or environment that can be interacted with in a seemingly real or physical way…using special electronic equipment, such as a helmet with a screen inside or gloves fitted with sensors.” In her own words, local hacker Stephanie Mendoza is “a VR designer and explorer. I do the whole shebang; this medium is my territory. It lets me do whatever I want. Oh, and I’m an artist!” She is a member of the PDX Hackerspace, a collective of inventors, techies, and other assorted creators who have assembled to create the technology of the future. She also oversees the virtual reality lab in their building, Ctrl-H. Admittedly, I never quite really understood virtual reality (or “VR” in colloquial conversation). But the day after I asked Stephanie to explain it for this article was the day I realized just how incredible this technology can be. I met with Stephanie at the front of the Ctrl-H building on MLK Boulevard, and she showed me in. Though small, the first room was filled to the brim with various bits of tech. From a computer hooked up to an arcade machine to a 3D printer, everything contributed to the feeling that I’d wandered into a living room from the future. Then we entered the virtual reality lab. It was mostly empty, save for a few tables, a mat, a computer, and two Wii-style controls along with what appeared to be an Oculus Rift helmet attached by a wire to the ceiling. I put on the helmet, adjusted my vision, and found myself in the middle of a desert in the American Southwest.
“
As I adjusted to this new reality, I stood, Godzilla-sized, above the tiny desert below me.
Immediately, I was immersed. Perhaps it was instinct, or some other form of cognitive adjustment, but I quickly felt
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 2017 18 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
as if I was no longer wearing a helmet, but was instead in a whole new world entirely. As I adjusted to this new reality, I stood, Godzilla-sized, above the tiny desert below me. I turned my head slightly towards the horizon, and saw a floating Google logo, indicating I was in a program of their design. I also noticed a blue grid that made a square around me, showing me where I could and couldn’t step. Stephanie started the tutorial for this program, and ethereal music began.
“
It was like walking in a painting; one which you could color and mold any way you desired.And once you were done building it, you could play in it.
I pressed another button on my controller, and a picture menu appeared in front of me; images of places across the world on it. I always wanted to visit Manhattan, so I clicked on its image. Immediately, I was transported to the Big Apple. I was still a giant in the VR; it felt as if I could hug the threedimensional skyscrapers. Stephanie, observing my progress through a monitor attached to the main computer, told me to look up and grab the sun with my remote. I did, and moved it, changing the time of day to night as I moved it left and right, causing it to rise and set. After learning how to move the map (which felt similar to what I’ve imagined flying to be like) I zoomed into my childhood home in Arizona and waited in front of it by utilizing the immersive image that Google Street View had taken of my neighborhood. I felt taller than I would in real life, even on the ground, but I still felt…there. There was no sound, no smell, no heat of the desert, but I felt as if I could hold my hand out and knock on the door. I flew up into the sky again and soared to the Pacific Northwest. There, I landed on the northernmost shore
of Baker Lake in Washington state, moved the sun from day to night, and gazed at the glittering stars above me. I hadn’t seen a sky like that since I was a child, staring up at all the glory of the Milky Way when I visited Mexico. I was quiet for a bit, and then we proceeded onward to another part of the adventure. Stephanie pulled a game from Steam (a website dedicated to virtual game distribution) and she started a VR game called Anyland. For those curious about what it is, Anyland was described on its Steam page as “a blank canvas for your imagination with no predefined stories and themes... it’s up to all of us together to invent the world.” Once inside, Stephanie’s artistic skills came to full light. She put me within the body of a character she had designed and based off of an alebrije—alebrijes are brightly colored Mexican statuettes of animals and mythical creatures. Whatever movements I did in the real world, the alebrije did in Anyland. I even danced, and the alebrije danced too. Anyland was a surreal experience, as the entire landscape around you in this game is malleable, capable of being turned into whatever you wish. It was like walking in a painting; one which you could color and mold any way you desired. And once you were done building it, you could play in it. As I exited the setup, I asked Stephanie one last question: “Where do you think virtual reality can go from here?” Stephanie, visibly excited, responded, “It’s going in all sorts of directions. It’s got plenty of industrial and medical uses. The architectural industry has even gotten in it. But VR started from gaming, and the potential for video games is massive. I can’t even begin to address it. The rift between the television and my controller has gotten so wide, I can’t even play normal video games anymore. But the thing I’m most fascinated about is the social aspect of VR. When you can fully control the world and your appearance, your status in the real world is obscured. Since you’re not physically present, all that’s left is your own cunning and creativity. And what happens is people begin to appreciate each other for who they are and who they wish to be. I mean, you can’t tell who I am in the real world if I’m a fox in Anyland, right?”
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
Business Directory FEATURE
PQ Monthly is published the 3rd Thursday of every month. Please contact us for advertising opportunities at 503.228.3139 www.pqmonthly.com
INSURANCE
Your LOCAL full-service marketing agency that will connect you with the diverse populations of Oregon and SW Washington
WWW.SUPUBLICO.COM
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM
PQ Monthly is published the 3rd Thursday of every month. Please contact us for advertising opportunities.
503.228.3139 PQMONTHLY.COM
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 • 19 JANUARY/FEBRUARY
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 2017 20 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY
pqmonthly.com PQMONTHLY.COM