The Role of the Birth Mother in Open Adoption Open adoption has revolutionized the infant domestic adoption process by allowing adoptive families and birth parents to learn about each other and to remain in contact after the finalization of the adoption. Despite the many benefits open adoption brings, however, it also often raises questions for those involved in the adoption. Birth mothers like you, for instance, often have concerns about the role they will have throughout the open adoption relationship. Understanding your role in open adoption can help to alleviate your concerns and help you to make a more informed and confident decision.
Choose the adoptive family. As the birth mother in an open adoption relationship, you get to make the decision about who adopts your child. Unlike the closed adoptions of the past, you have the opportunity to select a family based upon a wealth of information that will give you a detailed picture of the adoptive couple A sample of the material you will receive about potential adoptive families includes information from the home study, an adoption profile, and other autobiographical information. These materials will give you insight into details about potential families’ financial stability, family life and values, parenting philosophies, marriages, and more. In addition, you will have the opportunity to meet with potential adoptive families who stand out to you so you can better determine whether they are the right family to adopt your child. Because you get to choose the family with whom you will place your child, you get to make sure that you place your child with a family who will provide them with the kind of life you want them to have. Doing so can give you greater confidence and peace of mind as you seek to make the best decision possible for your child. Choose the level of openness. There are many potential forms that an open adoption relationship can take. In some, the birth parents simply make non identifying information (such as medical records) available to the adoptive family. In others, the birth mother visits the child regularly, receives emails or phone call updates, and
takes on an active role in the child's life. The exact level of openness in these relationships depends upon what you and the adoptive family decide upon together. As a result, as the birth mother, you have the chance to work with the adoptive family to choose how open the open adoption relationship is. This decision will be a collaborative effort between you and the adoptive couple that takes place before the adoption is finalized. The decisions you make together are often written down so everyone is on the same page about what the open adoption will look like once it is finalized. Once the adoption is finalized, you and the adoptive family may decide to change the level of openness as you get to know each other better over time. The result of your participation in the adoption process is that you have the opportunity to choose an adoptive couple who wants the same level of openness that you do and then to craft the adoption relationship along with them. The result should be an arrangement that allows you to participate in the open adoption relationship at a level that is satisfying to both you and to the adoptive family. Participate in your child's life after the adoption is finalized. Before the adoption is finalized, you control the adoption process as you choose an adoptive family and work with them to craft an open adoption relationship that will work for you and them. Once the adoption is finalized, however, you still hold an important place in your child's life. While the adoptive
family will provide for, love, and raise your child, you still play a vital role in your child's life. Through the open adoption relationship, you have the opportunity to remain connected with your child throughout their childhood. Whether you simply receive pictures and email updates or eventually end up getting to visit your child, you have the chance to see how they are thriving in the family you chose for them. In addition, the open adoption gives you the chance to participate in your child's life. Many adopted children have questions about their adoptions and about their birth families as they grow up. By remaining present in their lives, you provide a way for them to have these questions answered and to hear firsthand about the love you have for them. The result is not only greater confidence and peace of mind for you, but also greater confidence in your child as they learn about their family heritage and of your love for them. The result can be a stronger relationship with your child and the satisfaction of watching them thrive within the family you selected for them. Choosing open adoption means choosing to remain connected with your child over the long term. Throughout the open adoption process, you exercise a level of control that allows you to establish the life you want for your child and the level of involvement you want in their lives. The result is that you enjoy greater confidence in your decision to place your child for adoption. By choosing the adoptive parents, determining the level of openness in the adoption relationship, and staying involved in your child's life after the adoption is finalized, you can play a vital role in giving your child the best life possible.