Queen City Nerve - October 16, 2024

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Down-ballot races you should be paying attention to

Music: Local DIY organizers launch drives for Helene recovery pg. 12
• Food: Blacker the Berry Lemonade centers the culture pg. 16

NEWS & OPINION

4 Sleeper Campaigns by Annie Keough Down-ballot races you should be paying attention to

6 Avoiding the Purge by Lynn Bonner, NC Newsline GOP lawsuit challenging NC voter registrations set for hearing

7 Who’s on the Ballot? A guide to this year’s elections ARTS & CULTURE

8 From Troupe to Troubadour by Matt Cosper Local theatre mainstay opens new bookstore in southeast Charlotte

Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks

12 Helene and the Scene by Jonathan Golian Charlotte musicians launch DIY drives to help hurricane recovery efforts

‘In My Eyes’

FOOD

When Life Hands You Lemons by Dezanii

Michaela Whittenburg centers the culture with Blacker the Berry Lemonade

Puzzles

Aerin It Out by Aerin Spruill

Horoscope

Five down-ballot races you should be paying attention to

With all eyes on the White House and Republican candidate Mark Robinson making a joke out of the North Carolina gubernatorial race, there are many races that are flying under the radar this election season.

We’re here to tell you that, while of course it’s important to vote for those races at the top of your ticket, there’s a lot going on down below that is worth your attention. Here is a rundown of five of those races.

State Supreme Court

Democratic incumbent Justice Allison Riggs and Republican candidate Jefferson Griffin are running for a seat on the NC Supreme Court, the last resort in questions of state law as its body reviews decisions from lower courts, oversees judicial discipline, determines errors in legal procedures’ interpretation of the law and more.

The NC Supreme Court currently has a 5-2 Republican majority and will move to a 6-1 supermajority should Griffin take Riggs’ seat.

Riggs is a former civil and voting rights attorney who was appointed to the NC Court of Appeals by Gov. Roy Cooper in 2023, then the NC Supreme court nine months later.

Griffin, a former District Attorney for Wake County and current North Carolina Court of Appeals judge, has previously accused Justice Riggs of advancing a liberal agenda through the courts and violating the Code of Judicial Conduct by making public statements on how she would rule on cases while being vocal about protecting abortion rights.

Griffin, however, voiced his opinion during a Black

man’s routine traffic-stop case in 2021 to assert his belief that racial bias does not exist in the criminal justice system.

The self-proclaimed “constitutional conservative” is proudly endorsed by a number of North Carolina’s county sheriffs and claims his judicial philosophy as a textualist and originalist, an ideology that denies the law should adapt as society changes.

As stated on his website: “Judge Griffin believes the words of the Constitution mean what they say. Judge Griffin believes in the separation of powers, judicial restraint and the independence of the judiciary.”

During a candidate forum hosted by the Chatham County NAACP and Hispanic Liaison Forum in Pittsboro, Riggs stressed what was at stake this election, stating, “This is sort of the first domino that needs to fall to make sure that we’re restoring a majority of people who believe in the Constitution and will rule without fear or favor and are driven more by a commitment to the rule of law than bipartisan interest.”

NC Attorney General

Democratic candidate Jeff Jackson and Republican candidate Dan Bishop are running to replace Democratic gubernatorial candidate Josh Stein in his current position as NC attorney general. Both candidates are members of the U.S. House of Representatives.

The attorney general heads the North Carolina Department of Justice and is the state’s chief legal advisor, providing legal opinion to the governor, general assembly and other state officials.

Jackson espouses the importance of bipartisan governance, supporting law enforcement and insisting the attorney general’s role “isn’t about left or right – it’s about doing what’s right on behalf of the people. Partisanship has no place in the conduct of the office,” according to his website.

Jackson served in the NC Senate, was a prosecutor in Gaston County and is currently facing a defamation lawsuit by his opponent, who filed the lawsuit against Jackson’s campaign for claims that Bishop represented clients who stole from the elderly, which Bishop denies.

Bishop and Republican Senator Ted Budd were recently criticized for voting against funding the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) before Hurricane Helene devastated western North Carolina, making those funds critical to recovery efforts.

Bishop gained notoriety in 2016 as a co-author of the deeply discriminatory House Bill 2, known as North Carolina’s “bathroom bill,” which led national businesses to pull money out of the state until a compromise was reached.

Then in 2020 and 2021, Bishop was a fierce election denier whose regular misinformation supporting Donald Trump’s lies about election fraud were said to insight protesters who stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

NC Secretary of State

Democratic incumbent Elaine Marshall and Republican candidate Chad Brown are running for North Carolina secretary of state, who heads the Department of the State and oversees operations relating to the state’s economy and businesses.

Elected to the role in 1996, Marshall became the first woman to hold a statewide executive branch office in North Carolina and is now running for her seventh term. She has also served on the NC Senate and worked as a lawyer defending domestic abuse survivors.

Brown is the chair of the Gaston County Board of Commissioners and former mayor of Stanley. According to Brown’s website, he is Christian, pro-life, pro second amendment, and, if you haven’t parsed this out yet, conservative.

“I rely on my christian values to help guide my way through political issues,” he says on his website. “I’ve taken a proud stance for the unborn! I’ve fought for issues where my vote cannot be swayed and proud to cast the lone vote for my beliefs.”

His website states that, as secretary of state, he would protect our elections and make sure every vote is counted. The secretary of state’s office does not manage or conduct elections, as Marshall has been reminding misinformed constituents since Trump made election denailism such a large part of his party’s platform.

ALLISON RIGGS
JEFFERSON GRIFFIN
JEFF JACKSON
DAN BISHOP
ELAINE MARSHALL
CHAD BROWN

NEWS & OPINION

Brown also openly supports Republican gubernatorial candidate Mark Robinson, whose extremist rhetoric has made him extremely unpopular even amongst his own party in the months leading up to the election.

On Brown’s Facebook page, he says Republican leaders are “working together in order to take our state and country back to the conservative & faith based initiatives that made us GREAT for so long!!!”

Marshall, on the other hand, promises to continue working to cut red tape and reduce paperwork to make North Carolina a top state for business.

NC Superintendent of Public Instruction

Democratic candidate Maurice (Mo) Green is facing Republican candidate Michele Morrow in the race for NC Superintendent of Public Instruction, who oversees North Carolina’s public school system, acts as the chief administrative officer of the NC State Board of Education and directs the department’s $11-billion budget, among other duties.

Green previously worked as a school district superintendent, a school board attorney and chief executive for a large foundation that awards grants supporting public education.

Morrow, a former nurse and homeschool teacher, defeated incumbent Catherine Truitt in the Republican

primary in March and has since garnered national attention for her past extremist social media posts.

In 2020, Morrow called for the televised execution of former President Obama and the death of then presidentelect Biden. Morrow also attended the Jan. 6 insurrection, posting (and quickly deleting) a video following the riot that called for a pro-Trump military coup.

Morrow condemned the NC Association of Educators for school closures during the pandemic on her website, saying it was “prioritizing social justice over academics.” Morrow’s platform of “American Unity and Patriotism” says NC school districts subject students to “one-sided lessons portraying America as a racist and oppressive nation.”

In February, Morrow told The Raleigh News & Observer that “the only diversity and equity our schools should be promoting is diversity of ideas and teaching methods and equity of opportunity.”

She is also an advocate for the Parents’ Bill of Rights, which LGBTQ+ organizations have called extremely harmful to trans kids.

Green is running on a platform to invest more in public schools, as compared to Morrow, who has supported a private school voucher program that funnels money away from public schools and into a fund to help send children to private schools.

Referenda: Constitutional Amendment

Voters will be able to vote “For” or “Against” House Bill 1074 which would amend the North Carolina Constitution to provide for citizens-only voting. State and federal laws already require US citizenship to vote and Democrats say the amendment isn’t necessary and will only sow confusion, leading voters to think non-citizens are voting in elections.

Democracy NC said the amendment “ignores state and federal laws that already require US citizenship to vote and robust election safeguards that ensure only qualified US citizens cast ballots in our elections.”

The amendment would change state constitutional wording from “Every person born in the United States and every person who has been naturalized…” to “Only a citizen of the United States…”

“The concern is looking down the road, and we’re seeing what’s happened in some other states

where some activist judges have come in and tried to find loopholes to allow non-citizens to vote,” House Speaker Tim Moore said at the bill’s first House committee. “And we just need to shut the door on that very clearly.”

“My biggest concern about this is, why is it necessary? It may cause public confusion, it may be expensive to add it to the ballot,” Rep. Pricey Harrison told WUNC. “We actually have pretty clear state law right now and pretty clear constitutional provisions that non-citizens can’t vote.”

A vote “For,” means a vote for the wording to be changed and to remove language about “naturalized citizens,” or people born outside of the US who have gained US citizenship. Voting “Against” the amendment would leave the current wording unchanged.

City of Charlotte Bonds

Voters will be asked to select “Yes” or “No” to authorize the city to invest $400 million in bond referendums. The bonds will be split between three ballot questions: transportation, housing, and neighborhood improvement.

Transportation Bonds

The transportation bond includes $238,300,000 to provide funds for road repair, reducing traffic congestion and making the roads safer. Part of the investments would go to bridge inspection, repair and replacement throughout the city, upgrading traffic control devices (traffic signals, pedestrian signals, detection devices, etc.) and resurfacing streets.

The money would redesign, improve and/or extend the Eastway Dr./Shamrock Dr. intersection, the Idlewild/Monroe/Rama intersection and Rea Rd.

The bonds would also improve sidewalk gaps and connections to make Charlotte a more walkable city, as well as connecting bicycle facilities to make biking more convenient. This bond would not be related to the much-discussed Red Line plan, for which the city still needs permission from the NC General Assembly to put on the local ballot in 2025.

Housing Bonds

The housing bond includes $100 million in a mix of public, private and non-profit funding to benefit people of low and/or moderate income by constructing infrastructure improvements. The bonds would create new projects to provide affordable housing options.

The $100 million is a significant increase from the $50 million granted in 2022, an upgrade Habitat Charlotte Region says is necessary.

“The Housing Trust Fund is the City’s primary vehicle to address the affordable housing crisis. The Fund supports the development of affordable housing units by offering grants to developers. This allows the City to work towards making affordable and quality housing available to the citizens of Charlotte who need it,” the nonprofit organization wrote in a statement.

Neighborhood Improvement Bonds

The neighborhood improvement bond includes $61,700,000 to provide new pedestrian and bicycle paths, sidewalks and economic development in underserved areas of the city, specifically in Corridors of Opportunity.

The bonds would reimburse the development of new roadways and intersection improvements at Kenilworth Avenue and Pearl Parkway and between Johnston Road and North Community House Road while supporting improvements to the I-485 ramps and covering the costs of Garrison Road North infrastructure in the River District.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

MAURICE ‘MO’ GREEN
MICHELLE MORROW
ADOBESTOCK
EARLY VOTING STARTS IN MECKLENBURG COUNTY ON OCT. 17 AND ENDS NOV. 2

AVOIDING THE PURGE

GOP lawsuit challenging 225,000 NC voter registrations set for federal court hearing

One of the more consequential of the several Republican lawsuits challenging election rules and voting opportunities in North Carolina is up for a court hearing on Oct. 17.

A federal judge in Wilmington will consider whether to dismiss a GOP lawsuit that would require more than 200,000 registered voters to cast provisional ballots. The judge will also consider Republicans’ request to move the case back to state court where they filed it.

In August, the Republican National Committee and the state Republican Party sued to have 225,000 people thrown off the voter rolls, or alternatively, to require them to cast provisional ballots. Republicans claim that the state violated the federal Help America Vote Act because prior to December 2023, people who registered to vote were not required to provide their driver’s license or Social Security number on registration forms.

Republicans’ proposed Sept. 6 date for a courtordered voter purge plan has come and gone, but it’s possible the court could require voters to cast provisional ballots.

This was one of the back-to-back lawsuits Republicans filed claiming that actions of the State Board of Elections allow non-citizens to stay on the voter rolls.

“This State Board continually has problems ensuring voter rolls only have verified citizens. This lawsuit will remedy their ongoing refusal to collect the required information from those who want to take part in North Carolina elections,” NC GOP Chairman Jason Simmons said in an August news release.

Another lawsuit filed in August claimed the state board is not following a state law that requires the cancellation of voter registrations of people who say they can’t serve on juries because they’re not citizens. A spokesman for the state Board of Elections in August called the GOP claim “categorically false.”

Despite lack of evidence, claims of widespread voter fraud and non-citizen voting have become Republican gospel.

Speaking on a panel about voting rights, Maya Wiley, president and CEO of The Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights, said the lawsuit seeking the voter purge is an example of “lies showing up in court.”

The lawsuit’s purpose is to raise doubts about

elections and lay a foundation to challenge the results, Wiley said. The panel was sponsored by Democracy Docket, a platform founded by Democratic lawyer Marc Elias.

“We’re seeing the weaponization of our court system to bring these kinds of cases and to plant the seeds that suggest that we have people voting that shouldn’t be voting, which again I say is a lie,” Wiley said. “The big part of laying the foundation of this great big lie about whether people are voting improperly before the election is to try to challenge certification after the election.”

The state Board of Elections is asking the court to dismiss the lawsuit. Voters who registered without providing a driver’s license or Social Security number would have had to provide documents proving their identity before voting, state lawyers wrote in a court filing.

Republicans want the case sent back to state court, where they originally filed it. Republicans dominate the state appellate courts. Republican litigants have scored a string of wins in high-profile election cases in state court since last year.

State lawyers oppose sending the case back to state court, writing that the issues deal with the federal voting law.

Challenging absentee ballots

Republicans filed two lawsuits in North Carolina aimed at absentee ballots. The first challenges the Board of Elections agreeing to accept absentee ballots that aren’t sealed in the proper envelope.

Absentee ballots are sent to voters with two envelopes. The ballot envelope has room on the outside for the voter’s signature, and witness signatures or a notary seal. The ballot envelope also has a clear sleeve on the outside for a copy of an ID or an ID exception form. The ballot envelope is sent back to the board of elections in a separate return envelope.

The elections board said it’s okay to accept mail-in ballots where the ballot envelope is unsealed or where the ballot is in the clear plastic sleeve, as long as the return envelope is sealed.

Republicans tried to get the board to change this

guidance to local counties before they sued, saying the law requires ballots to be sealed in the correct envelope.

Earlier this month, Republicans sued the board over overseas absentee ballots. People who were born overseas to North Carolina residents but may have never themselves lived in the state should not be allowed to vote, the lawsuit said.

Republicans have filed similar lawsuits in other

Michigan Republican Party filed an overseas voter lawsuit similar to North Carolina’s in that state.

Republican members of Congress from Pennsylvania filed a federal lawsuit claiming that state improperly allows military service people and civilians living overseas to register and vote without verifying their identities.

This story originally ran at NC Newsline.

Adv tise With Us

ADOBESTOCK
A GOP LAWSUIT LOOKS TO PURGE 200,000+ VOTERS FROM NC ROLLS.

There are local, statewide and federal races appearing up and down the ballot this year, so here’s a glimpse at what Mecklenburg County voters can expect.

For a look at what districts you live in, as well as voting location and other info, check out the NC State Board of Elections’ Voter Search tool at vt.ncsbe.gov/ RegLkup.

Early voting begins on Oct. 17, and if you vote early, you can vote at any of the 33 sites spread across Mecklenburg County this year.

Find them at vt.ncsbe.gov/EVSite.

The below list only includes races in which there is a challenge, not races in which someone is running unopposed.

*Incumbent

STATE RACES

NC GOVERNOR

Mark Robinson (R)

Mike Ross (L)

Vinny Smith (C)

Josh Stein (D)

Wayne Turner (G)

NC LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR

Rachel Hunt (D)

Wayne Jones (C)

Hal Weatherman (R)

Shannon W. Bray (L)

NC AUDITOR

Bob Drach (L)

Jessica Holmes (D)*

Dave Boliek (R)

NC COMMISSIONER OF AGRICULTURE

Sean Haugh (L)

Sarah Taber (D)

Steve Troxler (R)*

NC COMMISSIONER OF INSURANCE

Natasha Marcus (D)

Mike Causey (R)*

WHO’S ON THE BALLOT?

A guide to the November elections

NC COMMISSIONER OF LABOR

Luke Farley (R)

Braxton Winston II (D)

NC TREASURER

Wesley Harris (D)

Brad Briner (R)

NC COURT OF APPEALS JUDGE SEAT 12

Tom Murry (R)

Carolyn Jennings Thompson (D)

NC COURT OF APPEALS JUDGE SEAT 14

Ed Eldred (D)

Valerie Zachary (R)

NC COURT OF APPEALS JUDGE SEAT 15

Chris Freeman (R)

Martin E. Moore (D)

NC STATE SENATE DISTRICT 37

Kate Compton Barr (D)

Vickie Sawyer (R)

NC STATE SENATE DISTRICT 42

Woodson Bradley (D)

Stacie McGinn (R)

NC HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

DISTRICT 98

Beth Gardner Helfrich (D)

Melinda Bales (R)

NC HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

DISTRICT 99

Nasif Majeed (D)*

Rob Yates (F)

NC HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

DISTRICT 103

Laura Budd (D)*

Joshua Niday (R)

NC HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

DISTRICT 104

Brandon Lofton (D)*

Krista Bokhari (R)

NC HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

DISTRICT 105

Nicole Sidman (D)

Tricia Ann Cotham (R)

BOARD OF COUNTY COMMISSIONERS BY DISTRICT

DISTRICT 1

Elaine Powell (D)*

Aaron R. Marin (R)

DISTRICT 2

Vilma D. Leake (D)*

Angela White Edwards (R)

DISTRICT 3

George Dunlap (D)*

Felicia R. Thompkins (D)

DISTRICT 5

Laura Meier (D)*

Arthur McCulloch (R)

DISTRICT 6

Susan Rodriguez-McDowell (D)*

Jim Marascio (R)

SOIL & WATER CONSERVATION

DISTRICT SUPERVISOR (NONPARTISAN)

Tigress Sydney Acute McDaniel

Mitchell Mullen

Lisa Carol Rudisill

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

FROM TROUPE TO TROUBADOUR

Local theatre mainstay opens new bookstore in southeast Charlotte

Scott Miller’s new bookshop isn’t even open yet and he’s already taking my money.

Stopping by Troubadour Booksellers on a recent afternoon to interview Miller, I couldn’t bring myself to leave without buying a few things that he’d stocked in preparation for the store’s grand opening on Oct. 19. Whether this is a testament to Miller’s curatorial acumen or my desperate book addiction is anyone’s guess.

I first met Miller in the early 2000s when we were both young actors working local stages together. Very early on I was struck by Miller’s bookishness as an actor. He approached roles with care and with an aptitude for script analysis that let you know: This guy is a reader.

During breaks at rehearsal or in a dressing room before shows we’d argue the finer points of Othello and I’d conceal my jealousy at Scott having spent time in Chicago, a hotbed for exciting new plays and the people who write them since the ’60s.

Fast forward a decade or so and Miller finds himself preparing for a different sort of opening night. This longtime bibliophile is now playing the role of that most noble of professions: a bookseller, as his east side bookshop Troubadour Booksellers prepares for its opening.

Chatting with Miller at his store in the frenzied final push to prepare for opening day, I was impressed by the coziness of the space, the thoughtfulness of Miller’s approach to business and the financial ruin that having a quality bookstore in my backyard is going to rain down upon me and my family.

“It could be drugs,” I’ll hiss at my long suffering wife as I bring another stack of László Krasznahorkai and Rachel Cusk novels home, “I could be spending our money on drugs!” Meanwhile our child starves and divorce lawyers circle like vultures.

Apart from a few remaining boxes of books, the shop was looking sharp during my visit. Shelves were fully stocked with books, locally crafted gifts were finding their onto display racks and Miller was tinkering with the display table that will greet customers upon arrival.

At the time the table was littered with books on witchcraft as well as folktales about goblins and cryptids,

all appropriate for an October opening. Though Miller seemed relieved to sit down for a minute and take a breather, he was also buzzing with the unmistakable hum of someone on the verge of something big.

Troubadour Booksellers is the result of a lifetime of dreaming followed by about five years of serious planning. A lover of literature since early in life (he cites Hemingway’s The Old Man and The Sea and Cormac McCarthy’s The Road as formative reading experiences), Miller has always harbored the notion of opening his own bookstore, but the time wasn’t ever right and ultimately the dream seemed distant, unrealistic, a fantasy.

In recent years, after a COVID-era, life reappraisal of soul searching that many of us are familiar with, Miller got serious about his plan. He attended conventions and bookseller boot camps around the country, ventured into the shark-infested waters of BookTok and applied his

years of experience in nonprofit fundraising to develop a business plan that should hopefully keep him in the black and his east Charlotte neighbors well stocked with reading material.

“It had been a dream for a long time and after COVID I started really thinking about it and the more I thought about it and the more I talked about it the more real it seemed,” he told me. “It was certainly inspiring to attend conferences and meet other people on the same journey. Maybe it wasn’t a completely crazy idea. There are reasonable people out there doing this. And I’m one of them. This is really happening! People want books in their lives and bookshops in their communities. Bookshops can actually be at the center of communities.”

This commitment to community, a likely holdover from his years working stages — he co-founded the local indie powerhouse company Three Bone Theatre alongside wife Robin Tynes-Miller in 2012 — is what he thinks sets an independent bookshop apart from an Amazon or even a Barnes and Noble. When designing the layout of the store the Troubadour team was very intentional about creating a space that said “we want people to feel comfortable here.”

In some ways it’s obvious: There are overstuffed couches and chairs scattered through the space just begging for customers to sit down with a pile of books and start the process of figuring out which ones they

must bring home with them. Other choices are a little more subtle, such as the changing tables (with complimentary diaper-changing supplies) in the bathroom. That accessory, which seems to be vanishing from a lot of public spaces, lets parents know that they and their children are welcome.

A parent himself (he and Robin have a daughter together, Miller knows how inhospitable businesses can be to those with children in tow. Troubadour features a kids nook and plans to host storytimes for little ones in addition to a full selection of books for adults across a variety of genres.

When I visited the shop the shelves were stocked in anticipation of the store’s opening, giving me a chance to browse. I was impressed by Miller’s curation, finding plenty of literary fiction to satisfy my taste along with history, memoir, biography and other nonfiction.

Seeing a robust selection of manga on the shelves sparked a conversation about the potential pitfalls of needing to stock books outside of one’s own reading preferences.

“I was pretty ignorant about manga but when I was talking to people about opening a bookstore it was the genre that people kept mentioning, so I knew I needed to stock some,” he recalled. “Luckily I have a friend who is really into it and they were able to steer me towards the good stuff.”

PHOTO BY MATT COSPER
SCOTT TYNES-MILLER IN TROUBADOUR BOOKSELLERS
PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN
SCOTT TYNES-MILLER ONSTAGE IN 2022.

And so personal connections, as well as keeping a weather eye on social media, has been instrumental in helping Miller stock work that will appeal to a broad range of readers (in addition to being communities of readers, #bookstagram and BookTok have become actual market forces that move big numbers of books.)

Miller is also enthusiastic in describing the process of hiring part-time help for the store, meeting and hiring people who love books as much as he does, and who perhaps have a special love for, and expertise in, different corners of the literary landscape.

“Part of the hiring process is talking to applicants about what they’re into,” he explained. “That’s going to be a part of their job. I want them to be a part of that curating process.”

It’s this willingness to step outside of one’s ego and acknowledge the tastes of others that convinces me of the sincerity of Miller’s hopes that Troubadour will continue the grand tradition of independent record stores and bookshops as community spaces.

Making the case that real life spaces where people can gather over a love of shared interests are vital in our ever more digital, ever more alienated world, Miller said, “If you create that really unique personable customer experience that you see in the best record stores and bookstores, where you know the people who are selling the books and you trust their taste, you don’t have that experience anywhere else. That’s community.”

As a final thought for those for whom the bookstore as community center doesn’t move the needle, consider this: The addition of Troubadour to the Sardis Crossing shopping center might be a game changer for southeast Charlotte date nights. The shop is just a few doors down from New Zealand Cafe (which for my money serves the

best sushi in Charlotte), and given that establishment’s popularity, it only makes sense to put in your name at New Zealand and go browse books while you wait on your table.

Head across Monroe Road to the movie theater after dinner and things are looking good in the “getting lucky” department.

Troubadour Booksellers (located at 1721 Sardis Road North) will open on Saturday, Oct. 19 from 11 a.m.-8 p.m. There will be a children’s storytime at noon and Charlotte Poet Laureate Jay Ward will read from his new book and sign copies. To celebrate the opening everyone will receive 10% off their first book purchased. General store hours will be 11 a.m.-8 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday and noon-5pm Sunday, closed on Mondays.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN
SCOTT TYNES-MILLER ONSTAGE IN 2022.
PHOTO BY MATT COSPER
SCOTT TYNES-MILLER

UPCOMING EVENTS IN THE QUEEN CITY

wed sat THURS ONGOING

10/19 10/19 - 10/20

CHARLOTTE CHALK ART FESTIVAL

This two-day event will bring a colorful street art gallery to life with a variety of music offerings, family-friendly activities, food, beverages, arts, crafts and retail vendors. Creative Canvas Productions launched this festival as a way to preserve an art form that dates back to 16th-century Renaissance Italy. This was a time when artists known as “madonnari” made a living off coins received from passersby watching them recreate chalk paintings of the Madonna while traveling from one village to another. This is a rain-or-shine event, thought we all need to realize that rain is the true enemy here.

More: Free; Oct. 19-20, times vary; NoDa Brewing, 150 W. 32nd Street; charlottechalkartfestival.com

OURBRIDGE FOR KIDS FALL FESTIVAL

ourBRIDGE for KIDS recently helped open the Charlotte Is Home Center, which provides lowcost health services, pro-bono immigration legal services, civic engagement programming, educational resources and other wraparound services to the local refugee and immigrant communities in east Charlotte when it opens later this month. The organization’s annual fall festival will feature a vibrant showcase of global cultures with captivating performances, mouthwatering international cuisines, and interactive activities for all ages.

More: Free, Oct. 19, 3 p.m.; ourBRIDGE for KIDS, 3925 Willard Farrow Drive; tinyurl.com/ourBRIDGEFall2024

10/17 10/16

THE VELVETEERS W/ ALEX VILE, KADEY BALLARD

Fresh off 2022-23 tours with Greta Van Fleet and The Black Keys, Colorado trio The Velveteers released their debut album Nightmare Daydream on Easy Eye Sound, produced by Grammy Awardwinning artist Dan Auerbach. Growing up in local DIY music scenes, singer/guitarist Demi Demitro developed a unique songwriting style for the band through her raw distorted baritone guitar playing and heart-grabbing vocals. The band quickly gained a reputation for their rip-roaring and out of control performances, clips of which made it back to Auerbach, who invited them to his studio in Nashville to produce the new album.

More: $15; Oct. 16, 7 p.m.; Neighborhood Theatre, 511 E. 36th St.; neighborhoodtheatre.com

MERGE: HALLOWEEN EDITION

Experience a kaleidoscope of symphonic and electronic music as familiar frightful tunes performed by the Charlotte Symphony are transformed in a playful maze of electronic sounds and rhythms by Barlow Prize-winning composer Ben Hjertmann paired with striking visual design by Jay Huleatt. Your delightfully eerie journey will include encountering trolls In the Hall of the Mountain King, a witches’ gathering in a Night on Bald Mountain, and new commissions from Hjertmann in this bassheavy bash of ghoulish grooves.

More: $35, Oct. 17, 7:30 p.m. & Oct. 19, 8 p.m.; Blackbox Theater, 421 E. Sugar Creek Road; blackboxcharlotte.com

UPCOMING EVENTS IN THE QUEEN CITY

THURS THURS

NIA J W/ TRÉ AHMAD, TE’JANI

This summer, Nia J’s 10-song debut album Melomania explored the lack and abundance, love and loss, articulated through her signature cutting lyricism and a shape-shifting sound that spans rock, R&B, pop and folk. It has stood up since to remain one of the best albums to come out of Charlotte this year. “I think there’s definitely a major shift with this album,” she told us in June. “I’ve had a lot more time, experiences and practice with writing. I tried to be a little bit more open with how I wrote things, like what I was willing to share.” Whatever she did, it worked. She’s joined by two of the Queen City’s best in Tré Ahmad and Te’Jani.

More: $7-$10; Oct. 24, 8 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

SOUTHERN/MODERN PUBLIC TALK

Join senior Curator of American Art Jonathan Stuhlman, PhD, in conversation with recently retired Georgia Museum of Art Director William Underland Eiland, PhD, who will discuss the importance of Mint Museum’s exhibit, Southern/Modern: Rediscovering Southern Art From the First Half of the Twentieth Century, which takes a broad view of the South and is structured around key themes that traverse geographic regions, including time and place, race, family ties, and social struggles. The exhibit also takes a broad, inclusive view of the art of the region, incorporating the creativity and talent of women artists and artists of color across its various thematic sections to provide a fuller, richer, and more accurate overview of the artistic activity in the American South at the time.

More: Free; Oct. 24, 7:15-8:15 p.m.; Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St.; mintmuseum.org

RAPSODY W/ NIKO BRIM, AND LARA’

It would be tough to understate the importance of Rapsody to the North Carolina hip-hop scene. Born in Snow Hill, Rapsody began her career at NC State, where she joined collective H2O and its spinoff group Kooley High, but is now signed to Dreamville, where she’s able to showcase her lyric-forward style alongside colleagues like J Cole and Charlotte’s own Lute. You will not regret catching her in a venue like Amos’. She’s joined by Mount Vernon, NY, rapper Niko Brim, who carries the influences of artists like Nas and Kendrick Lamar; and LARA’, who at a young age is making waves in the Australian and US R&B scenes, captivating audiences with her unique voice and fresh perspective.

More: $26 and up; Oct. 25, 8:30 p.m.; Amos’ Southend, 1423 S. Tryon St.; amossouthend.com

SPOTLIGHT SERIES: MAKIN’ CAKE

In her show Makin’ Cake, Wisconsin Poet Laureate Dasha Kelly Hamilton uses the history of baking to explore race, culture and class in a refreshing and fun way. This event will include multimedia storytelling filled with aha-moments and poignant vignettes, plus two on-stage bakers engaging audiences in a conversation about equity in America. Part history lesson, part social science revelation, Makin’ Cake is a short story about America’s sweet tooth with a cake reception immediately following the performance. More: $10-$35; Oct. 25, 7:30 p.m.; Sarah Belk Gambrell Center, Queens University, 2319 Wellesley Ave.; tinyurl.com/MakinCakeQueens

CONCERT FOR CAROLINA

There’s been a feeling of helplessness in viewing the devastation wreaked upon western North Carolina as a result of Hurricane Helene, and Charlotte-area native Luke Combs acted quickly to raise money for his college town (we remember his old acoustic shows at Town Tavern in Boone), bringing on Eric Church, Billy Strings, Sheryl Crow, Keith Urban and Bailey Zimmerman to play at Charlotte’s biggest venue all for the benefit of our Appalachian business community. This show is already sold out at the time of this writing, so maybe find a ticket on a resale site and throw a few bucks at an organization that’s doing real work on the ground. Organizations benefiting from this show include Chief Cares, Manna Foodbank, Second Harvest Food Bank WNC, and others.

More: Sold out; Oct. 26, 5 p.m.; Bank of America Stadium, 800 S. Mint St.; concertforcarolina.com

MICAH SCHNABEL & VANESSA JEAN SPECKMAN

We do stand behind all of the kick-ass hard-rock lineups that The Milestone pushes out, but we also raised an eyebrow at the impressive booking of heartland folk singer/songwriter Micah Schnabel and partner Vanessa Jean Speckman, who will team up for a great night of Americana alongside local artists Bob Fleming & the Cambria Iron Company, Ross Adams, and Diatomaceous Birth. Sometimes the band names are so long we don’t have much room left to describe the music but you just have to take out word for it: This is a great lineup.

More: $10; Oct. 29, 8 p.m.; The Milestone Club, 3400 Tuckaseegee Road; themilestone.club

DASHA

HELENE AND THE SCENE

Charlotte musicians launch DIY drives to help aid in hurricane recovery efforts

Everyone in the mountainous regions of western North Carolina remembers where they were when Hurricane Helene swept through, decimating entire towns, submerging areas like Asheville’s River Arts District underwater, and leaving hundreds of thousands of people without power or running water.

As of Oct. 14, two weeks after the fateful storm arrived in western NC by way of the Gulf of Mexico, North Carolina had confirmed 95 deaths due to Helene, with plenty of folks still missing.

While such widespread devastation can be hard to grasp, many in the Piedmont region have tried their best to meet the ever-changing needs of their neighbors to the west.

Within Charlotte’s music scene, the reaction was almost instantaneous. On September 28, as the scope of what people in western North Carolina were facing became more clear, Bryan Pierce, showrunner for Snug Harbor’s popular Bone Snugs ‘N Harmony karaoke event series, put out a call on multiple social media accounts.

“If anyone finds out how to get supplies up to where they are needed, please let me know. I know a few people that are stranded up in various parts of the mountains, that need supplies as well & I’d like to help whoever and however I can. Have truck, will travel.”

Along with contributions from Pierce himself and Snug staff members, patrons and other supporters who saw the call to action brought in supplies ranging from diapers to water, food, paper materials, and the like. By Oct. 1, supplies filled the areas near the booths and the soundboard in the venerable Plaza Midwood venue.

From that point on, utilizing his truck and a trailer, he and some fellow volunteers were able to reach Spruce Pine, Little Switzerland and other areas to drop off aid and offer their help in recovery. The efforts showcased the DIY spirit that has made Snug Harbor such a staple in Charlotte’s independent music scene.

Another of Charlotte’s legacy music figures, Andy Fenstermaker, also known as Andy the Doorbum, has been along for some of those rides, at times splintering off to make trips of his own to locations desperately needing supplies.

Andy has deep roots in the Appalachian region, with

family still living in the area. When asked what he was seeing, Andy was quick to answer, “I’d say it’s way worse than what you’re seeing, most likely.”

“Some places were relatively untouched,” he continued. “It depends where, like so much water was up there and ran [through]. It was like a tsunami had come down some of these valleys, and you can drive through some places and it looks like hardly anything happened, maybe a couple trees fell down. And then you can turn a corner, and it looks like the end of the world.”

Fenstermaker said he began by focusing on the harder to reach spaces where supplies weren’t getting through, connecting with contacts in western NC to stay up to date on which roads had opened and where it was safe to travel through.

He said the needs change daily, sometimes before he can compile the supplies he had on his list, so it’s important to know exactly what the needs are and where.

“I’ve been establishing contacts with people on the ground, mostly at volunteer fire departments, various different supply hubs or places where people were trying to get stuff to people, so that I have a verified contact directly involved in the process, so that I can call them and I know that what I’m bringing is something that they need … it can change more than once in a day.”

As the recovery efforts continue, we asked how Charlotteans can help, to which Fenstermaker insisted that organization is key.

“If you want to help, if you have specific skills that you can offer, try to find a place, someone who’s on the ground doing those things. Or, if you can donate supplies and want to take them up, find a contact on the ground involved in that process and make sure that what you’re offering is specific.

“If you have money to give, give it to someone that you trust, or some organization that you trust. I would strongly encourage community-based mutual aid organizations, because they have less administrative fees. They’re largely volunteers, and there’s a lot less red tape. They’re getting things directly to people much quicker. I’ve seen that be the most effective resource.”

As folks like Pierce and Fenstermaker have launched their own DIY drives, other businesses and organizations in Charlotte have also stepped up. Sites like Town Brewing,

Divine Barrel Brewing Co., and Great Wagon Distillery have opened to drop-offs during hours of operation.

During its its annual Confluence Music Conference from Oct. 9-11, Music Everywhere Charlotte partnered with agencies such as Live Nation, iHeart Media, Lovin’ Life Music Festival and Maxx Music, all of which donated tickets that were then raffled off during Confluence to benefit the NC Disaster Relief Fund.

News cycles can be so short these days, but our western North Carolina neighbors are just starting their recovery process, which will take months and in some cases years to heal, restart, and return to a somewhat normal daily existence.

Visit tinyurl.com/HeleneRecoveryQCN to learn about ways that you can help.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

REWIND:

CLT’S NEW MUSIC RELEASES

SINGLE & VIDEO

LORD JAH-MONTE OGBON, “I’M SIGNED TO LEX NOW I’M UP”

In celebration of his signing to the London-based LexRecords, Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon’s “I’m Signed to Lex Now I’m Up” is an effortlessly confident introduction of his sound to the new team. Intimately filmed in a small apartment cutting between domestic home activities and analytical reporters, a looping flute melody and fuzzy string bass the foundation of one of his smoothest drumless beats to date. With the same clever rapping and excellent beat selection as before, the new money and support allow him to further build everything he’s worked for over the years. Stream at lordjahmonte.lnk.to/NowImUp

SINGLE

CHRIS GERE, “SMILE”

Chris Gere drops his debut full-length album full of a mixed sound that is sometimes country, sometimes R&B, sometimes pop. The fusion of sounds is best represented with his single “QC Outlaws,” for which he teamed up with SfmBig Muva for an upbeat mix of hip-hop and country that is nothing if not fun. Stream at linktr.ee/ChrisGereMusic

SINGLE

DARIO EMU, “HI-LO BRIDGE”

Just in time for Spooky Season, local shoegazer Dario Emu follows up on the September release of “Wisteria” with another single, this time taking inspiration from 1980s slasher flicks for a darker sound with haunting pianos and distorted vocals.

Stream on Spotify

VIDEO

ALAN CHARMER, “LOST/CONTROL”

Queen City Nerve premiered the new visuals for Alan Charmer’s 2021 single on Oct. 4. According to Charmer, as much as he would have liked to showcase a new song while working with filmmakers Chris Lomartire and Dillon Deaton, who worked on the video as director and director of photography, respectively, the passion they had for “LOST/CONTROL” convinced him. “You always want someone you’re working with to be passionate about what you’re working on together and they were both in love with the song,” he said. Watch at qcnerve.com/alan-charmer-premiere.

SUPPLIES AT SNUG HARBOR
PHOTO BY BRYAN PIERCE
VISITING DEVASTATED AREAS ON OCT. 4
PHOTO BY BRYAN PIERCE

PAUSE: Project spotlight JIM SAAH,

‘IN MY EYES’

Jim Saah’s book, In My Eyes: Photographs 1982-1997, features hundreds of impressive (many never-beforeseen) photos of punk and hardcore legends including Fugazi, Minor Threat, Void, Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Dead Kennedys, Jawbox, Government Issue, The Faith, Iron Cross and more.

Saah’s musical palette wasn’t just confined to punk rock, as evidenced by the inclusion of The Cramps, The Pixies, Lou Reed, Guided by Voices, Fishbone, Wilco et al. The hardcover book closes with several intimate interviews between Saah and longtime friends/fans

including Ian MacKaye, J. Robbins, Jon Langford, artist Shepard Fairey, and photographers Cynthia Connolly and Patrick Graham.

In My Eyes: Photographs 1982-1997 has been called the most comprehensive photographic music document of its kind, vividly capturing the essence of a time and a place — with all of punk’s original passion, energy and total abandon still very much intact within its pages.

Saah will be at Lunchbox Records (825 Central Ave.) from 4-6 p.m. on Oct. 20 to present a slideshow, chat and Q&A about the book as part of the celebration of its second edition release. The event is free and for all ages.

ROSARY AT EVENING MUSE, 10/12/24
PHOTO BY DAN RUSSELL-PINSON
BLANKSTATE. AT EVENING MUSE, 10/12/24
PHOTO BY DAN RUSSELL-PINSON LYNSEA (LEFT) AND NATALIE CARR AT VISULITE THEATRE, 10/11/24
PHOTOS BY JONATHAN GOLIAN
MOONLANDER AT VISULITE THEATRE, 10/11/24
PHOTO BY JONATHAN GOLIAN

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 16

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Protest the Hero w/ ‘68, Kaonashi (Amos’ Southend) Social Distortion (The Fillmore)

Wastoid w/ Killusonline, Problems, Cocojoey, Youngdeathgod (The Milestone)

The Velveteers w/ Alex Vile, Kadey Ballard (Neighborhood Theatre)

The Contenders (Stage Door Theater) JAZZ/BLUES

Jazz Nights at Canteen (Camp North End)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Lola Grace Duo (Goldie’s)

Josh Daniel, Jim Brock & Kerry Brooks (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Homixide Gang w/ Bear1Boss, Swapa (The Underground)

EXPERIMENTAL/MIXED-GENRE/FESTIVAL

Luna Luna w/ Leanys (Snug Harbor) COVER BANDS

Emerald Empire Showcase (Heist Brewery & Barrel Arts)

House of Funk (Middle C Jazz) OPEN MIC

Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)

Singer Songwriter Meetup & Variety Open Mic (Starlight on 22nd)

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 17

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The Trouble Notes (Evening Muse)

Once Below Joy w/ Yerfdaas, Ghost Trees, Cheer Up! (The Milestone)

The Great Indoors w/ Camisole (Petra’s)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Two Feet (The Fillmore)

Myles Smith (The Underground)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Steep Canyon Rangers (The Amp Ballantyne)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Delta Fire Duo (Goldie’s)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Clockwork Knotwork w/ The Paddywhacks (The Rooster)

Davila 666 w/ Las Nubes, Mids (Snug Harbor) Carin Leon (Spectrum Center)

The Ries Brothers w/ Sneezy (Visulite Theatre)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Lotus (Neighborhood Theatre)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

MERGE: Halloween Edition (Blackbox Theater)

COVER BANDS

Party Night Series feat. Thomas Robinson (Middle C Jazz)

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 18

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Trash Panda w/ Oceanic, Brave Baby (Amos’ Southend)

Rothschild w/ My Cousin’s Girlfriend’s House, SWAE, Lunchbox Hero (The Milestone)

Encre Noire w/ Awakening Ghost, Lo, Insight (The Rooster) Appaluchia w/ Hellfire Choir, Bog Loaf (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

The Soundwave is Queen City Nerve’s comprehensive guide to live music happening in Charlotte every night of the week. This list is pulled together by our editorial team every other week from combing through Charlotte music venue calendars and separated by genre. None of these listings are paid advertisements. We understand that many non-traditional music venues offer live music like coffee shops, breweries, art galleries, community events and more.

This list may not have every event listed. To have a venue included in the editorial compilation of this list, please send an email to info@qcnerve.com with the subject “Soundwave.”

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Krista Lynn Meadow w/ Matthew Church (Goldie’s)

Scythian w/ Presley Barker (Neighborhood Theatre)

Railroad Earth (The Underground)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Bear Grillz (Blackbox Theater)

Nicolette w/ Braydon Curry, Deore (Evening Muse)

JAZZ/BLUES

Rowan Big Band All-Stars (Camp North End)

Sasha Masakowski (Stage Door Theater)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Neveah (Starlight on 22nd)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Little Stranger (The Fillmore)

COVER BANDS

Orchestra Noir: Y2K Meets ‘90s (Belk Theater)

Landslide (Fleetwood Mac tribute) (Middle C Jazz)

Badmotorfinger (Soundgarden tribute) (Visulite Theatre)

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 19

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

6th Annual Carolina Headbangers Ball (The Rooster)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

MERGE: Halloween Edition (Blackbox Theater)

Digital Noir w/ DJ Spider, DJ Dil3mma, DJ Christian

Hoefle (The Milestone)

Pleasantly Wild w/ The Hourglass Kids (Snug Harbor)

Southern vs Eastern Conference Beat Battle (Starlight on 22nd)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Celeste Moonchild w/ Distracted Eyes, Deore (Petra’s)

Elyanna (The Underground)

JAZZ/BLUES

Sasha Masakowski (Stage Door Theater)

Charlez360 (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

The Nite Tillers (Primal Brewery)

Shake The Dust w/Council Ring, The Erly (Starlight on 22nd)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Wyatt Flores (The Fillmore)

Will Hoge w/ Jett Holden (Neighborhood Theatre)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Marca MP (Ovens Auditorium)

COVER BANDS

Tremont (Amos’ Southend)

Jam Garden w/ Riverstone Duo (Goldie’s)

Mandyl Evans sings Lionel Richie (Middle C Jazz)

The Chain (Fleetwood Mac tribute) (Visulite Theatre)

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 20

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Anite Velveeta w/ Froggy Nights, BrizB, I Hate Dave (The Milestone)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Hazy Sunday (Petra’s)

Soul Sundays feat. Guy Nowchild (Starlight on 22nd)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Dylan Gossett (The Underground)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)

Tom Braxton (Middle C Jazz)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Brut Beat (Free Range Brewing)

MIXED-GENRE/EXPERIMENTAL/FESTIVAL

EpiPalooza (Evening Muse)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Maxim Galkin (Knight Theater)

CHRISTIAN/GOSPEL/RELIGIOUS

For King + Country (Spectrum Center)

COVER BANDS

Enrage Against the Machine (Neighborhood Theatre)

MONDAY, OCTOBER 21

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Benson Boone (Skyla Amphitheatre)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Charlotte Bluegrass Allstars (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)

OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse Open Mic (Evening Muse)

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 22

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

State Faults w/ Harm, Godseyes, Lowheaven, Barrow (The Milestone)

Pet Bug w/ Wakelee, Flametides (Petra’s)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Usher (Spectrum Center)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Jesse McCartney (The Fillmore)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Dale Hollow w/ Lil Skritt, Carolina Down Boys (Snug Harbor)

COVER BANDS

Jessi Little (Middle C Jazz)

OPEN MIC

Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 23

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Begat the Nephilim w/ Burned in Effigy, Fleshbore, Valar Morghulis, Divinicide (The Milestone)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Usher (Spectrum Center)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Annie Haden Duo (Goldie’s)

Josh Daniel, Jim Brock & Kerry Brooks (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Bri Bagwell w/ Wheelwright (Evening Muse)

Cris Jacobs w/ Kendall Street Company (Visulite Theatre)

JAZZ/BLUES

Jazz Nights @ Canteen (Camp North End)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

quickly, quickly w/ Mia Gladstone, Zodiac Lovers, DJ

Justin Aswell (Snug Harbor)

OPEN MIC

Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster) Variety Open Mic (Starlight on 22nd)

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 24

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Dogpark w/ Winyah (Evening Muse)

Destiny Bond w/ Dosser, Punitive Damage, Tongues of Fire, Marked for Death (The Milestone)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Bayker Blankenship w/ Tyler Nance, Colton Bowling (Amos’ Southend)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Kevin Garrett (Neighborhood Theatre)

Men at Work (Ovens Auditorium)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Big Fun (Goldie’s)

Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

MIXED-GENRE/EXPERIMENTAL/FESTIVAL Freekadelia Night 1 (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Nia J w/ Tré Ahmad, Te’Jani (Petra’s)

Madison Ryann Ward (Visulite Theatre) COVER BANDS

Tony Tatum Experience (Babyface tribute) (Middle C Jazz)

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 25

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)

Halloween Fiasco Night 1 (The Milestone) Monsoon w/ Faye, Bluething (Petra’s)

Rainbow Kitten Surprise (Spectrum Center) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Chris McGinnis w/ The Wilder Flower (Camp North End)

Gavin Adcock (Coyote Joe’s)

Ryan Montbleau w/ Brooks Forsyth (Evening Muse)

Chris Knight w/ Mic Harrison & the High Score (Neighborhood Theatre)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Rapsody w/ Niko Brim, LARA’ (Amos’ Southend)

The Soundwave is Queen City Nerve’s comprehensive guide to live music happening in Charlotte every night of the week. This list is pulled together by our editorial team every other week from combing through Charlotte music venue calendars and separated by genre. None of these listings are paid advertisements. We understand that many non-traditional music venues offer live music like coffee shops, breweries, art galleries, community events and more.

This list may not have every event listed. To have a venue included in the editorial compilation of this list, please send an email to info@qcnerve.com with the subject “Soundwave.”

MIXED-GENRE/EXPERIMENTAL/FESTIVAL

Freekadelia Night 2 (Snug Harbor)

Rocky Horror Music Show w/ The Hapschatt Wedding Band (Visulite Theatre)

JAZZ/BLUES

Bob James (Middle C Jazz) CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony: Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No. 1 (Knight Theater)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Durango Fest 2024 (Ovens Auditorium) COVER BANDS

Spiderwebs (No Doubt tribute) w/ Black Fly Chardonnay (Alanis Morissette tribute) (Goldie’s)

Freebird (Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute) (The Rooster)

Long Strange Deal (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 26

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Rigometrics w/ The Groove Skeletons (Evening Muse)

Halloween Fiasco Night 2 (The Milestone) JAZZ/BLUES

Bob James (Middle C Jazz)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Gorilla T (Blackbox Theater) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Chris Trapper (Evening Muse) FUNK/JAM BANDS

Celestial Company (Birdsong Brewing) Into the Fog (Primal Brewery)

Council Ring (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony: Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No. 1 (Knight Theater)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Syleena Johnson w/ VI (Neighborhood Theatre)

Clarity w/ E’Lon JD, The Bleus (Petra’s) MIXED-GENRE/EXPERIMENTAL/FESTIVAL

Freekadelia Night 3 (Snug Harbor) COVER BANDS

Cassette Rewind (Amos’ Southend)

Bad Romeo w/ Pluto Duo (Goldie’s)

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 27

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Mike Strauss Band (Free Range Brewing)

Cursive w/ Gladie (Neighborhood Theatre)

Silent Theory w/ Dizasterpiece, Nosey Neighbor, Mechanical Blvd (The Rooster)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Jelly Roll (Spectrum Center) JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)

Boney James (Knight Theater)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Soul Sundays feat. Guy Nowchild (Starlight on 22nd) MIXED-GENRE/EXPERIMENTAL/FESTIVAL

SapphoSphere V.4 (Petra’s) COVER BANDS

Shira Lissek & the Great American Songbook (Middle C Jazz)

MONDAY, OCTOBER 28

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Solemn Shapes w/ The Russian White, Brighter Than a Thousand Suns, Haunt3d, CFFNDRGGR, DJ Deathflower (The Milestone) JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Charlotte Bluegrass Allstars (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Tyler Dodson (Evening Muse)

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 29

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill) Little Feat w/ Duane Betts, Palmetto Motel (Knight Theater)

X w/ Jimbo Mathus (Neighborhood Theatre) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Biking with Francis w/ rohtwiq, ISOMEANSWAR (Snug Harbor)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Micah Schnabel & Vanessa Jean Speckman w/ Bob Fleming & the Cambria Iron Co., Ross Adams, Diatomaceoous Birth (The Milestone) OPEN MIC

Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS

Michaela Whittenburg centers the culture with Blacker the Berry Lemonade

Though its origins can’t be pinned down exactly, the saying, “The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice,” has its roots in the African American community. It’s often used to appreciate and uplift one’s Blackness, especially in moments where it is cast in an inferior light. While it is a figurative phrase, local entrepreneur Michaela Whittenburg has put a more literal spin on it.

Whittenburg founded Blacker the Berry Lemonade with a goal to highlight the rich flavors and vibrant aspects of Black culture.

Like so many other ventures, the idea was conceived during the COVID-19 lockdowns of 2020. Whittenburg had some fruit that was about to spoil, so she made lemonade with it to serve during her family’s dinner. The lemonade outshine the food it was meant to complement, so much so that Whittenburg’s daughter requested a fresh new batch for her upcoming birthday party.

“My daughter fell in love with it, and she was like, ‘Mommy, I want this for my birthday’ because I do one homemade thing for her birthday every year,” she said. “It was her eighth birthday. My older cousin had just passed, and it was a rough time. So we were like, ‘We’re not canceling her birthday party. I’m sorry. We’re in a pandemic, but we need this moment.’”

After the next batch, Whittenburg continued to cope with the stresses of the pandemic through her newfound passion for making homemade lemonade concentrate. Just like that, a business was born.

“I realized that it is my artistic medium,” she said. “Some people sing, some people dance, some people paint. I make lemonade. There’s something relaxing and fulfilling about understanding how the fruit breaks down, what the colors look like, what the flavor profile is like, how you have to best sweeten it to amplify the flavor, the fruit flavor over the lemon flavor because the lemon is strong, and then how those colors blend together because still you need it to be aesthetically pleasing. It gave me a way to artistically express myself.”

Check the flavor

There’s another saying in the Black community when it comes to cooking, one that could be described better as an inside joke, which makes light of the idea that

Black people have a reputation for seasoning their food without any attention to measurements; we’re supposed to season until our ancestors tell us to stop.

Whittenburg takes that lesson to heart in a similar manner with her lemonade. While her lemonade recipe isn’t a family heirloom, she attributes the inspiration of it to her predecessors.

“This recipe for the lemonade is not a family recipe, but it is the voice of my ancestors,” she said.

Each flavor tells a story, she insisted, from the sun-ripened fruits of her ancestors’ fields to the bold, innovative spirit of today’s Black entrepreneurs.

Many of the women in her family were amazing cooks and bakers. They worked hard in other areas, to be sure, but they threw down in the kitchen. Whittenburg learned other lessons from these women and used that knowledge to create her concentrate.

“One thing you learn very early, especially with my grandmother, was cobbler,” she said. “How to can fruits, how to make pies, how to make cobbler — it’s how you go about processing the fruits that makes all the difference.”

There were those in her family who grew their own produce and didn’t waste any part of the fruit they were using. The skin, juice, and pulp or flesh are all parts that were used in her family’s cooking, whether for drinks, dessert, or to preserve.

Whittenburg is concerned that she doesn’t see this attention to detail and resourcefulness anymore.

“We lost a reverence for our food along the way and that’s the difference,” she said. “You didn’t just pray over the meal at the end of it. You’re treating your food well along the way. You take care when you wash your greens. You take care when you wash your strawberries, and you take care when you’re picking your peaches and watermelon.”

This reverence isn’t limited to prepping fruits and vegetables, it extends all the way to the very beginning of the process — picking out your ingredients, she said. With practice, you can tell if fruit or vegetables are ripe by a touch or a look.

Because of all the time she spent with her family in the kitchen, she picked up on certain tricks of the trade that help her make her lemonade today. Many people know how to pick ripe fruit, but they’d be hard pressed to

do it as well as she does.

Blacker the Berry Lemonade includes no artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, or preservatives, yet it has a shelf life of about a month and a half.

“In making the lemonade, it was just a combination of all the things I learned from being in the kitchen with my grandparents,” she said. “My dad and my grandfather definitely contributed to my understanding of how to preserve things so that’s why I focus on a lemonade concentrate right now, because even without artificial preservatives, we can have a refrigerated shelf life of about a month and a half … But most people don’t have them that long.”

Centering the kids (and community)

If the name of the brand wasn’t an indication, Whittenburg said she hopes to pour back into the Black community through her business.

In fact, it’s one of the things that makes her business so special; not only are the products made with special care and a lip-puckering shelf life, but consumers will know just who made it and what their goals are.

For example, the name for each flavor of lemonade is inspired by significant aspects of Black history and culture in the US and Caribbean.

A recent contest in which she asked fans to help name her 13 unique flavors turned up names honoring Dewey Gaston, the first professional African-American auto racer; and Elizabeth Taylor Greenfield, the original Black Swan, among others.

“This lemonade brand is more than lemonade to me,” she said. “It’s a way to remind Black people and Black communities across the US and Caribbean that not only are we valuable, but we continue to increase in value. Our meaningful roots and the parts of ourselves that we should be proud of didn’t stop at the slave trade. We are literally the living, breathing embodiment of one of the greatest Darwinistic experiments to ever happen on this planet.

“We are literally the product of people brought together and bred for intelligence, resilience, strength, health, and just overall greatness,” she continued. “We have to remember that.”

Ultimately, Whittenburg believes that selfdetermination is the key to reaching new levels for the

PHOTOS COURTESY OF BTB LEMONADE
BLACKER THE BERRY LEMONADE GOES WELL WITH SWEETS.
MICHAELA WHITTENBURG IS ‘THE LEMONADE BAE.’

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

Black community. She said she was disheartened by the way that, in the wake of George Floyd’s murder by a police officer in 2020, countless organizations pledged to give back to Black businesses and organizations but haven’t followed through.

“What started in earnest has become a gimmick,” she said. “I think we’re seeing more and more companies that are leveraging Black and brown faces without consideration for Black and brown communities.”

She also wants to spread the message that young Black children can grow up to be anything they want, not just pursuing the stereotypical positions where they see themselves represented in sports and music.

A new flavor to be released soon is named after Cullen Jones, the first Black person to win an Olympic medal in swimming for the United States.

“Our kids deserve to see that,” she said. “Kids deserve to know that because they need to know that there’s more to them than the very limited avenues that people try to force on them.”

And Whittenburg is putting her money where her mouth is. She’s got plans to get kids in her business, showing them that they have different options.

When her daughter turns 13, she’ll be named as the director of youth community outreach for Blacker the Berry Lemonade. In 2025, the brand will partner with

local children to open lemonade stands and pop-up shops, with proceeds going to charitable organizations in the Black community.

The opportunity is more nuanced than simply working the stands. The kids will be part of every aspect from pouring the lemonade to picking the vendors, which will in turn help them gain insight into what they may be passionate about.

“Our kids are capable of so much,” she said. “They get to have a voice. And we get to tell our kids that their

voices are important, and not only that their voices are important, but that we take them seriously.”

From the ground up, Whittenburg is inserting herself into the culture. It’s not just a job to her – it’s a passion.

“While I love making lemonade, and like I said, it’s my artistic medium, it’s also my way of doing the things I think God called me to do,” she said.

Toward the end of the year, her website will be shut down because she’s going to revamp it to better suit her goals.

Right now, she’s juggling her day job with running the company, but in 2025, she expects to be able to focus all of her attention on Blacker the Berry.

“It’s all about the lemonade,” she laughed. Somebody (we) better tell ‘em.

DLEWIS@QCNERVE.COM

PHOTOS COURTESY OF BTB LEMONADE
BLACKER THE BERRY LEMONADE OFFERS A SPECTRUM OF FLAVORS WITH NEW OPTIONS RELEASING ALL THE TIME.

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1. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a group of walking penguins called?

2. MOVIES: What was the first movie to be adapted from one of Stephen King’s novels?

3. GEOGRAPHY: How many time zones does Australia have?

4. LITERATURE: Which country is featured in Sir Walter Scott’s historical novels?

5. HISTORY: How many essays are in The Federalist Papers?

6. SCIENCE: Who created the Periodic Table?

7. TELEVISION: What is the reality series “The Deadliest Catch” about?

8. PSYCHOLOGY: What irrational fear is represented in the condition called pogonophobia?

9. U.S. STATES: What is the only state with a one-syllable name?

CROSSWORD

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

10. MUSIC: Which branch of the U.S. military did Elvis Presley serve in?

HOOKED-UP HYBRIDS
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©2024 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

AERIN’ IT OUT

A NOT-SO-HIDDEN GEM

El Malo’s Hermanita builds on the good vibes of Mexico

Imagine sitting on a cozy patio under soft, glowing string lights sipping a grapefruit tequila cocktail from earthenware on a Sunday evening. The remnants of lime and tajín linger in the air after every sip, seamlessly blending with the pervasive aroma of savory meat and warm corn tortillas.

As you begin to let the warm fall breeze carrying the hum of tipsy chatter and the subtle sounds of a strumming guitar whisk you away to a Mexican tavern, you hear, “Deondre, your order’s ready!” over a loudspeaker. You’re not in Mexico anymore, but it may be the closest thing to it. You’re actually in a Dave’s Hot Chicken.

If you haven’t visited neighborhood staple Akahana lately you may not know that The Plaza’s Midwood Corners shopping center has gotten a facelift, complete with new kids on the block hoping to hold down the shopping center’s legacy on the corner of The Plaza and Central Avenue.

One of those fresh faces is a “not-so-hidden hidden” speakeasy-style escape to Tijuana called Hermanita, serving traditional Mexican sips alongside street tacos.

Fittingly translated to “Little Sister,” Hermanita is the sister bar concept nestled inside El Malo Tacos, a taco and comfort food joint inspired by the street eats of Tijuana and San Diego, a laid-back offshoot of Southpark’s modern taqueria, Mal Pan.

Even though Lil’ Sis officially opened at the end of July, it wasn’t until I awkwardly mistook the open door for my usual entry point when picking up tacos that I realized I was in the wrong place.

The moody interior, perceivably darker in the light of day, offered a distinct contrast to the bright white minimalism of El Malo, immediately triggering my curiosity and a misplaced sense of dysphoric hanger. Food panic must’ve been written all over my face, because a server approached me immediately and said, “El Malo is next door, we are their sister bar,” putting my fear and growling tummy at ease.

Two weeks and a Coco rewatch party later, I was excited to celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month and pregame Halloween with the spirit of agave and the

essence of Mexico in the backyard of my ‘hood.

A strand of festive and colorful flag cutouts (referred to as papel picado) danced above the entrance as boo and I made our way to the bar. Green LED track lighting traced the seam of the booths and illuminated the bar adorned with marigold garland giving “spooky speakeasy vibes.”

Vibrant cutout lanterns with skulls peppered the space and faux candles twinkled in the rafters, further setting a DÍa de los Muertos mood.

Even though Fireball alone can induce a mouthwatering trauma response that sends chills down my spine, I settled on trying the Sunday special — $5 Canelos (Fireball + Sidral, a Mexican fermented apple soda). When boo settled on the Jalisco Ashtray (a can of Modelo with tajin, lime and a Tequila floater), I was flooded with doubt.

The bartender set a full-sized glass soda bottle in front of me. To my surprise, the effervescent amber liquid resembled my beloved hard cider, putting my saliva glands at ease. I tapped the straw inside and watched it bounce back to the surface before taking a swig.

The spicy cinnamon-flavored whiskey and crisp fizz of the apple soda tingled on my lips as I swallowed. My boyfriend watched nervously, aware of my “condition,” but there was no gag to be had.

My confidence restored, I decided to order the Cantarito “La Güera” ($11 grapefruit tequila, Pamplemousse, grapefruit, lime, hibiscus agave and soda). Tajin lined the rim of the terracotta cup, providing the perfect complement to the light and citrusy cocktail inside, making the “ah” of balanced refreshment all the more satisfying.

I am no connoisseur of Mexican cuisine or tavern culture — after all, my Spanglish is mid, I cringe over tequila shots, and I’ve been known to DoorDash three crunchy tacos supreme sans tomatoes at 3 a.m. — but Hermanita feels like it completes the trifecta of tacos, tequila, and tradition that the El Malo story embodies.

In a city where it feels like you hear of a new “taco spot” opening every week on all the corners, Hermanita still feels one-of-a-kind. It’s competitively priced with

THE BAR IS LOCATED NEXT TO ITS SISTER RESTAURANT, EL MATO.

daily specials ($8-$14 for cocktails, plus a pinch of topshelf splurge options).

It’s one of only two in the immediate shopping center serving alcoholic beverages — and let’s be honest, we’re not going to Akahana for the drinks. It’s got a spacious patio with picnic tables on the outside and two TVs on the inside for watch parties. It’s also approachable, think dive-adjacent.

If Hermanita continues to lean into the traditions of

Mexican tavern culture while being unafraid to play up the aesthetic, building buzz around event planning, and exploring options for small group entertainment, it will be poised to become a Midwood must-have.

Hermanita is located next door to El Malo in the Midwood Corners shopping center at 1705 Central Ave. INFO@QCNERVE.COM

PHOTO BY AERIN SPRUILL
INSIDE HERMANITA
PHOTO BY AERIN SPRUILL

16 - OCT. 22 oct. 23 - oct. 29

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Your bold approach to a difficult situation turns a doubter into a supporter. Be aware, though, that you still need to dig for facts to build an even stronger case.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Distractions continue to nibble at your available time. Turn them off and concentrate on setting your sights on your goal. Progress might be slow, but it is steady.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) An opportunity opens up in a new field. You might not feel that it’s for you, but check it out anyway. You could be surprised; you might be able to adjust to its requirements.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) A new work environment presents some difficult choices. Best advice: Be ready to defend your decisions while still keeping your mind open to suggested alternatives.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Don’t let your Leonine pride continue to jeopardize a cherished relationship. You’ve already taken too long to make that apology. Do it now before it’s too late.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) A friend needs assistance but fears that you might want to know more than they are prepared to reveal. Provide help without probing into the situation.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) You face an important personal decision that could affect a family member. Have a full, frank, no-holds-barred discussion with them before you act.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Take some time out to think over the choices that have suddenly emerged in your life. Don’t be rushed into making a decision until all the facts are known.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Someone might be trying to gain your trust for their own advantage. Be wary: A seemingly friendly smile might be an exercise in teeth-baring.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A situation that emerged earlier can no longer be ignored. You need to deal with it now so that it won’t interfere with more important considerations.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A job situation presents some problems. Deal with them one by one, and they’ll soon vanish. Meanwhile, in your personal life, a Libra would like to know your intentions.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Let your partner know how you feel about your stalled relationship. A delay will result in your swimming around in circles and going nowhere.

BORN THIS WEEK: Your high energy level allows you to take on and complete more projects than most. You are also an inspired and inspiring teacher.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) The high standards you set for yourself don’t always translate into the behavior you expect from others. A relationship problem can be resolved if you’re more flexible and less judgmental.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Not enough party bids to satisfy the Bovine’s fun-loving side this week? Go ahead and throw one of your own. Then prepare for some serious work coming up early next week.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) A new and intensely productive cycle kicks in on the 30th. Be careful not to get too stressed out, though. Make time to restore your energy by relaxing with family and friends.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) This could be a good time to share some of your plans with those closest to you. Their comments could give you some added insight into how you might accomplish your goals.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) An attack of self-doubt might be unsettling for the usually super-assured Feline. But it could be your inner voice telling you to hold off on implementing your plans until you’ve reassessed them.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) This is a great time for you to reward yourself for all your hard work, specifically by taking a trip you haven’t spent months carefully planning to somewhere you never thought you’d be going. Embrace spontaneity!

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Some misunderstandings resist being resolved, but your sincerity in wanting to soothe those hurt feelings wins the day. By month’s end, a relationship should begin to show signs of healing.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A hectic job schedule begins to ease by the end of the month -- just in time to blow off all that work-generated steam on Halloween. Meanwhile, a family situation runs into an unexpected complication.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A cutting remark in the workplace needs to be handled with finesse. Remember, how you respond could determine the depth of support you gain from colleagues.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Once again, that Capricornean stubborn streak sets in and could keep you from getting much-needed advice. Fortunately, it lifts by next week, just in time for you to make an informed decision.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A surprise trip early in the week could lead to other unexpected offers when you return. Word to the wise: Avoid talking too much about this until you’ve made some decisions.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Learning dominates the week for perspicacious Pisceans who are always looking to widen their range of knowledge. Looking ahead, a series of important job-linked commitments begins next week.

BORN THIS WEEK: Your sense of humor and cheerful personality generate good feelings and goodwill everywhere you go.

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SAVAGE LOVE

STRUGGLE SESSIONS

Do read the comments?

Dear Readers: It’s my birthday this week — thank you very much — and I’ve retreated to a secret, undisclosed location (with my boyfriend! without Internet access!) to ignore, er, celebrate the occasion. So, in place of a regular column (reader questions, columnist answers) below you’ll find some questions I posted to Struggle Session, the weekly column where I respond to comments from my readers and listeners, along with some of the advice my readers had for the letter writers.

“Never read the comments” is standard advice for anyone who goes online — and it’s damn good advice — but Savage.Love is exception to that rule: it’s the one and only place online where you should read the comments, thanks to the wonderful community there. —Dan

I’m (39F) dating a guy (34M) who is really wonderful. In his conservative home country, he was quite the Casanova, didn’t want to marry, and managed instead to have a pretty *ahem* robust dating life. Here’s the issue. He shared with me that when he was 32, he slept with a girl who was 16 or 17 years old. He had been her teacher when she was in elementary school.

When they met again at 16/17, she was already married and pursued him because she didn’t like her husband (who was even older than him). He said he was only with her twice and then they broke it off.

I have no reason to doubt him because he openly shared this with me, and he clearly didn’t understand that by US standards, this is not OK. When I explained this to him (also noted that it was almost certainly illegal in the US) he instantly understood.

I’m struggling with this because it’s not OK due to her and his age at the time, plus the power dynamic difference. But by his culture’s standards, the only issue was she was a woman sleeping with a man who wasn’t her husband. I appreciate that

cultural differences have some major implications here, and he seems to be very clear on how this would be regarded in the US. I’m just trying to sort my feelings out around this. Help? DATING IS FLUMMOXING FEELINGS SOMEWHAT

No one else should tell you how you’re supposed to feel about something. You feel what you feel. So, if what you’re feeling right now is just a little, “Hmm, this is weird,” then you can put it in your memory hole, let the past be the past, try not to bring it up with him again, and it probably won’t come up in conversation.

If what you’re feeling right now is more intense, then probably it’s best to end the relationship. There may be other factors making this revelation uncomfortable for you, maybe subconsciously.

There will likely be other things you find about his culture, the parts of the worldview that he still stands up for or sees as defensible, that are incompatible with your worldview.

If it were me, I’d drop the subject. But then, for me, I don’t see the American view of age and sexuality as an eternal truth, just where we set the bar. It’s not as though someone magically changes into a consent-capable adult at 12:01 a.m. on their 18th birthday.

We set the age of consent as a safeguard, because relationships across those lines are likely to be coercive, but I don’t think that means any and all relationships across that line are coercive and nonconsensual.

I can’t figure out what DIFFS wants or why. Does she want her boyfriend to understand or acknowledge that in our culture, a 32-year-old man having sex with a 16- or 17-year-old is not only unethical, but illegal? It seems as though he gets that, at least now that she’s explained it to him. Does she want an excuse to dump him or to think poorly of him? What kinds of feelings does she want to sort out?

The best I can make out, she wants to disapprove of him because he so flagrantly offended a cultural norm in her (and our) culture. But she wants to be open-minded enough to understand that in his culture of origin, the issues we would take may not be relevant.

But then what? Yes, he did something we frown upon here. Although it was a non-issue to him at the time, based on his different cultural norms, he understands why it would be troubling to his US girlfriend. Does she require some sort of penance on his part so that she can give herself permission to continue dating him and considering him a “wonderful” guy? Does she think that if her friends or family knew about this episode in his past, they’d be unable to get past it and would judge her harshly for being willing to be with a man who’d do that?

—NoCuteName

Sixteen is the age of consent in most US states, so this would not have been “almost certainly illegal in the US.” In fact, it would have been legal, if considered creepy, in most of the US. You say your boyfriend understands that by more progressive standards, this wasn’t OK. Like Dan says in this column, men are pigs; you know this already. This one seems to know that what he did in this situation was not OK, that’s why he confessed this particular hookup to you. People make mistakes, DIFFS! Look at your past and answer genuinely, is there nothing you ever did when you were younger that squicks you out today? Give him the absolution he seeks and move on.

—BiDanFan

My oldest friend has an extremely hard time cleaning herself and keeping her house sanitary. She weighs probably in 600 pounds range at this point, which she is happy with, and I couldn’t care less about, but it does make it hard for her to clean and do day-to-day tasks. The thing that has me writing is that she smells bad. I believe this is mostly because she has a hard time wiping and cleaning herself. But the smell is sometimes unbearable, and I’ve found myself avoiding her because it makes me sick to my stomach, especially when it comes to sharing food together.

My friend has a significant history of trauma, which makes this a “handle with care” situation. I can’t just say to her, “You stink, let’s figure this out together.” I wish I could go in and clean her house for her — and I would be willing — but she would be mortified to know I think her home is filthy. Instead, I keep finding reasons to not visit or not to stay long when I do. And it’s heartbreaking because I love this person so much and want to be close to her. I would love some advice.

A LONGTIME FRIEND

I think you either distance yourself because you can’t stand it and you don’t want to offend them by admitting their lack of hygiene offends you, or you intervene, respectfully and openly, and deal with the consequences of your own decision.

Is the smell from her, from stuff (old food? dead mice?) in her home, or something particular that can be addressed? At some point it’s a health hazard for her. But trauma notwithstanding, if it’s that bad, she deserves to know and not just get ghosted, which may be easier on you but would suck for her, as you already know. You can’t make her glad to be told it’s gross, so don’t try to control her feelings. It’s already bad for her now, so you would not be making things worse for her, you’d just be exposing yourself to a share of the bad stuff (and it’s entirely legitimate to not want to do that, just saying, you’re not obligated to be a martyr OR a savior).

But if you do want to stay in touch, how much worse are you prepared to let it get?

—SloMoPoMo

I’m guessing that ALF’s friend doesn’t get many visitors and possibly has few if any other friends, because unfortunately most people do negatively judge those who have obesity problems. (Nova has a great episode, “The Truth about Fat”, which explains why being overweight is not just a matter of lack of willpower.) And at 600 pounds, it’s likely ALF’s friend isn’t able to get out and about much, if at all. So, better for ALF to risk hurting her friend’s feelings with a frank, empathetic talk than to end up rarely or never visiting. Loneliness could lead to even more overeating or even worse consequences. This won’t be easy for ALF, but love often involves doing difficult things.

—Murial

Has she asked outright? If so, maybe you do owe her radical honesty. If not, then you’re offering unsolicited advice, which isn’t always bad, but more often than not. Or is she doing the hinting and subtle bemoaning that is essential a soft ask, without the commitment?

It feels complicated to tell your friend that they smell without volunteering to help her solve that problem, which gets especially complicated if she doesn’t have the money to hire someone to help and there aren’t robust social services in her area. I think many of us would be willing to pitch in to help a friend with a massive project, like a thorough cleaning, once a year or so, but to commit to helping once a month (or more!) will get draining. And if part of her issue is literally cleaning herself—that’s a much bigger strain on the bonds of friendship. So, if there are social services or if she has the money, then there is more reason to bring these things up than if there aren’t. Finally, phone calls, emails, texting are all ways to stay in contact without visiting. As is asking to meet away from her house, in open air, weather permitting. These don’t solve her problems, but they might help mitigate your problems.

—Zoftig the Magnificent

Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love; or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan; podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love.

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