Queen City Nerve - July 26, 2023

By Ryan Pitkin

TABLE OF CONTENTS

NEWS & OPINION

4 A New Start by Annie Keough Con uence returns with renewed vision to make Charlotte a regional music hub

ARTS

6 Home Is Where the Art Is by Karie Simmons Arts+ set to move to Plaza Midwood after years-long search

8

MUSIC ISSUE 2023

10 A Reconciliation Song by Pat Moran Susong brothers duet over a distance to close the gap

11 The Saints Go Marching In by Ryan Pitkin

DJ Fannie Mae brings the Sainted Trap Choir to the national stage

Thanks to our contributors: Aerin Spruill, Annie Keough, Rayne Antrim, Tommy Cary, Camille Weiss, Daniel Coston, Elliot Ashby, J. Lamar, Jenn Mott Redd, Ski Studio, RCA Inspiration, Kat Osygus, Enowen Photography, Fenix Foto, Ashlynn Austin, Boyd Joye, Lindsey Byrnes and Dan Savage.

A NEW START

Confluence returns with renewed vision to make Charlotte a regional music hub

BY ANNIE KEOUGH

In August 2019, the U.S. National Whitewater Center hosted two days of live music, panel discussions and workshops that aimed to inspire, inform, connect, elevate and celebrate the music community in Charlotte and the surrounding areas.

Coming out of that weekend, it appeared that Confluence Fest could become a staple in Charlotte’s music scene, serving as part festival and part convention, benefiting the countless artists who call the Charlotte area home.

Then, as was the case with so many other local events, businesses and organizations, COVID-19 brought a swift end to that vision.

Now, after a four-year hiatus caused by the pandemic, Confluence is back, set to return on Oct. 18-19 with a fresh slate of panels, workshops and live music performances spread across venues at the AvidXchange Music Factory and other venues in Charlotte. Organizers say they intend for Confluence to become the must-attend annual music industry event in the Carolinas.

Produced by Music Everywhere Charlotte, a nonprofit initiative launched by Charlotte Center City Partners dedicated to growing Charlotte’s music scene and economy, the festival came as the result of a 2018 report from the organization based on community input, surveys and focus groups intending to understand the greatest needs of the local music industry.

The report led to the development of an action plan that included the creation of a regional music industry conference. Organizers worked with local artists, venue owners, booking agents, producers, indie label heads and others to create a conference that would be helpful to a wide range of folks within the music community.

“I think the report created the awareness that what the scene was looking for was an opportunity to learn and really come together,” said Taylor Winchester, local songwriter, performer, and a Confluence organizer. “And I think Confluence was our effort … to try and be a part of the solution.”

That specific solution was, unfortunately, put on pause. Following the 2019 fest, the directors had scheduled a meeting to discuss planning the next

Confluence, but ironically, they had scheduled it for March 27, 2020, the day Gov. Cooper issued his statewide stay-at-home order.

The interruption, however, only fostered improvement, insisted Rick Thurmond, head of Music Everywhere Charlotte and chief marketing officer with Charlotte Center City Partners.

“The first time around, it was really about ‘Let’s see if this works, let’s see what people think,’” Thurmond told Queen City Nerve. “This time around, we’re really taking it up a couple more notches.”

A chance for newcomers and old heads alike

In 2019, the Whitewater Center offered attendees a heightened focus on the live music experience. This year, Thurmond said festival organizers are working to ensure that the conference aspect of the weekend doesn’t get overlooked.

“I will look at [Confluence 2023] as an equal focus,” Thurmond said. “We want to produce a conference that really benefits [and] celebrates the music community here, whether it’s working artists or people on the business side.”

The event will include two days of educational sessions and a final night of showcases in various Charlotte venues like Snug Harbor, Petra’s, Neighborhood Theatre and more. Thurmond said his team is still solidifying performers and additional venues, but that information will be released in the coming weeks.

Local, regional and national industry representatives will also lead sessions on music marketing, booking tours, production essentials, visual content, collaborations, digital service provider (DSP) playlists and more at the AvidXchange Music Factory.

“The hope would be that [Confluence] is a resource and educational opportunity for folks that are trying to really grow their careers, maybe take it to the next level,” Winchester said. “And then at the same time, [figuring out] how we build content that is also relevant to people that are already at a certain level within the industry.”

Jason Jet, R&B artist and owner of GrindHaus Studios in east Charlotte, is set to lead a session on touring and music engineering, kicking off his second year participating in Confluence. Fresh off artist and record producer Erykah Badu’s Unfollow Me tour, Jet is excited to share his experience touring as a monitoring engineer with budding artists.

“[This years’ Confluence is] a little bit more grounded in the art and connecting people in a bigger way,” Jet said.

Winchester admitted that, as an artist, it’s difficult to have the capacity to also learn the business side with so many other things happening on a daily. Confluence offers a low-risk environment for people at all stages in their career to develop their skills and knowledge.

Thurmond said the event will provide an opportunity for local artists to learn actionable information used to advance their music, build connections and community through networking and give audiences a chance to experience the depth and richness of our local and regional talent.

Music makes community

Moving Confluence from the Whitewater Center to Uptown gives audiences a glimpse into what Thurmond calls the lifeblood of the music ecosystem: local, independent venues.

Out-of-state industry representatives coming to participate in the conference will be able to explore what Charlotte has to offer — not just in our music, but the community as a whole.

Bands from Gastonia, Shelby, Concord and other surrounding areas rely on Charlotte’s music scene to gather experience and exposure, so it’s helpful to hold this educational event in the very venues they may be interested in booking.

Thurmond and the Music Everywhere Charlotte team have a vision to unite the communities in and around Charlotte to create a regional music hub full of music business services and industry needs.

“That really kind of strengthens the whole region by virtue of having Charlotte being a hub for music,” Thurmond said.

“I think that’s something we don’t see a lot of in Charlotte communities,” Jet added. ”Tons of artists coming under one roof, [having] one experience like that, I think that’s always a good thing.”

Music Everywhere Charlotte is committed to making Confluence an annual event, as was originally planned, building its reputation and recognition over time.

Winchester believes resuming Confluence can help pull influential music industry players into a local conversation, benefiting Charlotte’s music economy and, in turn, allowing Charlotte’s music scene to learn and grow from industry professionals.

Even four years after the first Confluence, Winchester has seen the dialogue within the Charlotte music ecosystem grow, something he’s excited to see progress this year.

“Music, history and heritage is so strong in this area,” he said. “We want anyone that experiences this conference to come away appreciating that and celebrating that.”

Confluence 2023 will occur Oct.18 and 19 from 8:30 a.m.-11 p.m. at AvidXchange Music Factory and other venues. Tickets are expected to go on sale in early August and will include a conference badge, music badge or combo badge.

Music Everywhere Charlotte is expecting an attendance of 300 for the conference and 600 for the music showcases.

A BAND PLAYS DURING CONFLUENCE AT THE U.S. NATIONAL WHITEWATER CENTER IN 2019. PHOTO BY DANIEL COSTON

ARTS FEATURE

HOME IS WHERE THE ART IS

Arts+ set to move to Plaza Midwood after years-long search

BY KARIE SIMMONS

After a years-long search for a new home, local nonprofit arts education organization Arts+ is in talks to lead the creation of a new cultural campus at the former Plaza Presbyterian Church in Plaza Midwood where it borders Villa Heights.

The recognizable property at 2304 The Plaza encompasses three buildings (including the church’s sanctuary) totaling 35,000 square feet on 2.19 acres at the intersection of The Plaza, Parkwood and Mecklenburg avenues. Since the 1920s, it has been the home of Plaza Presbyterian Church, which closed in 2022. Now Arts+ plans to breathe new life into the space.

Arts+ and Presbytery of Charlotte, which owns the property, signed a memorandum of understanding in June and are in the due diligence phase, as announced on July 25, moving toward the signing of a 50-year lease.

Arts+ is working with architects at C Design and other professionals to evaluate the property, with the goal of housing the Arts+ administrative offices; Studio 345, a free digital arts program for high school students; Charlotte Youth Choir; summer camps; and various other music and visual arts programs on site.

“The Plaza Midwood Neighborhood Association [PMNA] is thrilled that the Presbytery of Charlotte is offering this chance to preserve a significant area within Plaza Midwood for a generation,” said PMNA President Jim Truchon. “The planned renovations under the guidance of Arts+ will bring advantages to our neighborhood, adjacent areas, and the entire city. With all the changes happening around us, we also believe this project will help to preserve the character of the neighborhood.”

Arts+ anticipates a three-year property upfit, supported by a capital campaign of $15-$18 million, of which $12-$15 million would consist of construction and upfit costs. The remainder will go

into an endowment to help support the operation of the space on a yearly basis.

Arts+ intends to retain as much of the original buildings, which date from the 1920s to 1960s, as possible through adaptive reuse while increasing their functionality and accessibility.

The history of Arts+

Since its founding in 1969, originally as Community School of the Arts, Arts+ has been working to expand arts accessibility to children of all ages, races and socioeconomic backgrounds through music and visual arts instruction and other programs.

The nonprofit has been on a journey to find a new permanent location since before moving out of its longtime home in Spirit Square in September 2021.

At one point, Arts+ was in talks with CharlotteMecklenburg Schools to lease the former Morgan School in the historically Black neighborhood of Cherry, but residents pushed back against the plan as it clashed with their desire to reclaim the school.

In February 2022, the school board voted to approve Cherry Community Organization’s (COO) $2 million letter of interest to buy Morgan School and preserve it as a history and neighborhood engagement center. COO is currently in the process of raising money to buy the property.

For the time being, Arts+ has been operating out of Ascend Nonprofit Solutions (formerly Children & Family Services Center) in Uptown Charlotte while also hosting programs at local churches, schools and community centers.

“Our road to this Plaza Midwood property has been full of twists and turns, but ultimately, this is an incredible opportunity for Arts+ and Charlotte, in particular the neighborhoods of Plaza Midwood, Villa Heights and NoDa,” said Devlin McNeil, Arts+ president and executive director. “This is the realization of our long-term goal of moving into a permanent home to create a centralized hub for the spokes of our programming that takes place across the city.”

The announcement came at a convenient time for families in the aforementioned neighborhoods and others in the surrounding areas, as they will be losing a community center when the Johnston YMCA in NoDa closes at the end of the year.

In May, the YMCA of Greater Charlotte announced its intent to sell the property to a

PHOTO COURTESY OF ARTS+

ARTS+ IS FINALIZING

A LEASE AGREEMENT AT 2304 THE PLAZA IN PLAZA MIDWOOD.

ARTS FEATURE

developer, abandoning previous plans to remain at the site through a long-awaited redevelopment that had been in the works for years.

Finding a home

Arts+ leadership became aware of the Plaza Presbyterian Church location when they began their search for a permanent facility years ago, but McNeil said the timing was never quite right. In June 2022, the Presbytery contracted with real estate consulting firm Give Impact to help determine the best use for the property since both the church and preschool had ceased operations.

Give Impact put out a request for interest to the Charlotte community and Arts+ was among the nonprofits that responded.

“One of our key hopes is that this will be a place where community members from all backgrounds can come together to learn about and celebrate art in its many forms,” said Liz Ward of Give Impact. “And by doing so, possibly learn about each other and forge new relationships that will strengthen this community. We can’t wait to see how the broader community embraces and supports this effort.”

Rev. Dr. Alice Ridgill, associate general presbyter

with Presbytery of Charlotte, said the church is “ecstatic” about its partnership with Arts+.

“We are grateful that the Plaza Presbyterian Church campus will continue to be a beacon of light in the Plaza Midwood community,” she said.

Arts+ will activate a good portion but not all of the available square footage on the site. For the rest of the space, McNeil said the organization saw an opportunity for innovation that aligns with the emerging insights of the recent Charlotte Arts and Culture Plan.

McNeil said the as-yet-unnamed Arts+ cultural campus in Plaza Midwood aims to address at least four of the plan’s eight priorities, including access

to affordable space for arts organizations, access to arts and culture for the community, increased collaboration among arts organizations, and availability of lifelong arts education.

“The sanctuary space is ideal for performances, and we anticipate having that available for nonprofits and community groups,” McNeil said. “There were many organizations that were interested, but wanted only minimal space. We intend to reach out to them to see if they would still be interested — office space for some, programming space for others.” KSIMMONS@QCNERVE.COM

PHOTO COURTESY OF ARTS+ ARTS+ LAUNCHED ITS NEW SENIOR PROGRAMMING AT THE RETREAT THIS YEAR.

THUR

7/27

Enjoy the Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden at its most beautiful (and cool), with free admission during the evening hours, a food truck, live music and a group hike or run along the banks of Lake Wylie and through the DSBG’s trails and meadows. Charlotte singer-songwriter Chelsea Locklear takes the stage from 6-8 p.m., while Nacho Business Food Truck serves up Greek, Asian and Southern barbecue-style nachos. Locklear, who describes her vibe as “jazzy pop and hip-hop,” has released several singles since her debut album From Me to You in 2018, including her latest, “Just Because.”

More: Free; July 27, 4-9 p.m.; Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden, 6500 S. New Hope Road, Belmont; dsbg.org

‘THE CHINESE LADY’

In 1834, 16-year-old Afong Moy sailed into New York Harbor and was immediately put on display for a paying public who were mesmerized by her exotic ways and horrified by her tiny bound feet. Purportedly the first Chinese woman to set foot on U.S. soil, she was put on display for the American public as “The Chinese Lady,” a role she played tragically for half a century. Directed by Three Bone Theatre’s Robin Tynes-Miller and starring local talents Amy Wada and Stephen West-Rogers, The Chinese Lady has garnered immense acclaim, including a nomination for Outstanding Play at the 2022 Drama Desk Awards.

8/1 8/2 SATYA JVALA, BLOOM X: INCEPTION Courtesy of Satarah Productions 7/29

FRI

KAVITA KRISHNAMURTI

Playback singers are not unique to Bollywood, but with most productions typically including several songs, a masterful vocalist for lip-synching stars could make or break a movie’s commercial prospects in one of the world’s largest film industries. Drawing on her mother’s love of Indian classical music, Delhiborn Kavita Krishnamurti rocketed to fame in the 1980s and ’90s. Lauded by critics as India’s “melody queen,” Krishnamurti’s supple vocals are hauntingly beautiful, filled with both longing and joy. She has won several awards including the Filmfare (India’s equivalent of the Oscar) for Best Female Playback Singer.

More: $45 and up; July 28, 7 p.m.; Knight Theater, 430 S. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org

BLOOM X: INCEPTION

For a decade now, Bloom has served as a platform for fringe performing artists and dancers in Charlotte to showcase their work. Now in their 10th year of putting on this mind-blowing show, Satarah Productions heads to Blackbox Theater with an impressive lineup of aerialists, dancers, fire performers, roaming performers, circus artists and more. Catch the family friendly show for all ages, the adults-only show for a bit more edge, or grab a full show pass for an entire day of inspiration, entertainment and celebrating diversity, creativity and passion.

More: $25-$150; July 29, 1-11:30 p.m.; Blackbox Theater, 421 E. Sugar Creek Road; tinyurl.com/BloomX2023

CHARLOTTE MUSIC COMMUNITY HANG

This is a no-pressure opportunity for members of the Charlotte music ecosystem to meet their next collaborator, gain new knowledge, get inspired and network with other musicians, producers, songwriters and videographers. The night kicks off with a performance from Jurnee, followed by socializing and a panel discussion titled How to Launch Your Single, led by Charlotte singersongwriters Jason Jet and Natalie Carr. Originally from Denver, Colorado, Jurnee has been a contestant on X Factor (2013) and a top six finalist on American Idol (2018). She now performs as a solo artist and lead singer of Voices in the Attic.

More: Free; Aug. 1, 6-8:30 p.m.; Neighborhood Theatre, 511 E. 36th St.; cltmusichang.eventbrite.com

AMERICAN THEORY, NOIR NOIR, THE DIRTY LOW DOWN

Drawing on post-hardcore, progressive metal and math-rock, Charlotte four-piece American Theory burst on the scene with its energetic debut album Your Local Politics in 2018. Since then the band’s template of prog-rock time signature changes, soaring harmonies and ringing yet syntheticsounding guitars has not changed radically, but it has been refined and expanded. On its single “New Name,” Noir Noir successfully combines experimental noise with a seamless mix of shoegaze and soul. The Dirty Low Down packages its catchy pop-punk in crunchy guitars and powerful vocals.

More: $12.30; Aug. 2, 10 p.m.; Snug Harbor, 1228 Gordon St.; snugrock.com

Photo by Ashlyn Austin 8/1

GARDEN NIGHTS

THUR

‘A DOLL’S HOUSE PART TWO’

In the 1879 debut of Henrik Ibsen’s iconic A Doll’s House, Nora Helmer shocked audiences with her infamous “door slam heard around the world,” a bold decision that terminated her relationships with her husband and children but created space for a budding relationship with herself. Fast forward to 2017 and Hnath’s Tony-nominated sequel, A Doll’s House, Part Two; Nora is back, knocking on that same door she slammed 15 years earlier. XOXO’s founding artistic director Matt Cosper joins up with Charlotte Conservatory Theatre to direct this collaborative run at the Mint on Randolph.

More: $25 and up; Aug. 3-13, times vary; Mint Museum - Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road; tinyurl.com/DollsHousePart2

ONCE BELOW JOY, AURORA’S HOPE

With ringing dissolving harmonics, spiraling laser blast contrail sound effects and dueling guitars that suggest a starship dovetailing into a black hole’s event horizon, Charlotte alt-prog-rock band Once Below Joy suggests a more disciplined take on Japanese retro-freakbeat-psychedelia collectives like Acid Mothers Temple or Kikagaku Moyo. This is a release show for the band’s Through the Fog EP. Aurora’s Hope is a good 1970s rock power trio throwback with grinding, ratcheting guitars; hammering drums; regular dude vocals; and feedback guitar wheelies that suggest kids on bicycles cutting through stalled traffic.

More: $12; Aug. 4, 10 p.m.; Evening Muse, 3227 N. Davidson St.; eveningmuse.com

REYNA TROPICAL, BRAVO PUEBLO, DJ ZZZZAAPPP

Founder of She Shreds, a magazine devoted to woman guitarists, and a kick-ass shredder herself who has played with Sleater-Kinney, Fabi Reyna is the surviving member of Reyna Tropical. Cofounded with fellow queer Mexican musician Sumohair, who died tragically in an e-scooter accident last summer, Reyna Tropical enfolds Fabi’s intuitively tender and whispered vocals with lush guitars, reggaeton beats and Afro-Mexican textures and melodies. Comprised of Lisandro Herrera and siblings Liza and Claudio Ortiz, Bravo Pueblo is a vehicle for Liza’s inspired lyrics, augmented by hypnotic grooves, lilting instrumentation and swarming harmonies. DJ Zzzzaappp celebrates Bugalú Salsa y Mambo y Cumbia.

More: $15; Aug. 5, 8 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

QUEEN CITY HBCU COOKOUT

North Carolina A&T University alum Tia Boyd put on the first Queen City HBCU Cookout in 2019 as a way to highlight the slew of regional Historically Black Colleges and Universities while the city prepared to say goodbye to the CIAA tournament. Now in its fourth year, Queen City HBCU Cookout is taking over the campus of Johnson C. Smith University for a homecoming that aims to bring exposure to HBCUs and cultivate fellowship among local alumni. Attendees can expect an afternoon of food, fun and networking with music by JCSU alum DJ Double A, games, and local HBCU alumni chapters representing their schools. Proceeds from ticket sales go toward funding scholarships for area students. More: $12-$30; Aug. 5, 3-7 p.m.; Humanities Plaza, Johnson C. Smith University, 100 Beatties Ford Road; tinyurl.com/HBCU-Cookout

Photo by Lindsey Byrnes

Photo by Boyd Joye Photography

WEDNESDAY, JULY 26

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The 91’s w/ My Blue Hope, January Knife, Impersona (The Milestone)

Woody w/ Tennis Courts, Homemade Haircuts (Snug Harbor)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Laid Back Country Picker w/ Luna & the Mountain Jets (Evening Muse)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Jim Brock & Jeremy Shaw (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

COVER BANDS

Eternally Grateful (Grateful Dead tribute) w/ Natahn Davis (Goldie’s)

OPEN MIC

Singer-Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)

THURSDAY, JULY 27

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Kurt Vile & the Violators (Neighborhood Theatre)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Barbie Dream Party feat. Natalie Carr (Snug Harbor)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Ben Mignogna (Comet Grill)

Josh Daniel Band w/ Kyle Dills (Goldie’s)

COVER BANDS

Greggie & the Jets (Middle C Jazz)

FRIDAY, JULY 28

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Amos’ Southend)

A Flock of Seagulls w/ Strangelove (The Fillmore)

The L.A. Maybe w/ RC Acoustic (Goldie’s)

Chris Reed & The Bad Kids (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

School of Rock Allstars (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Dynasty w/ Destiny Stone (Camp North End)

BigXthaPlug (The Underground)

Nascar Aloe w/ Apolloislame, Dirtybutt, Mazerot, Fonso

Rex, Mvnch (The Milestone)

Jodeci w/ SWV (Petra’s)

Qy w/ Notes, Zmac, Perry Lemmon Jr., Gottaknowmo, MCJ (The Rooster)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)

Chris Standring (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Jake Xerxes Fussell w/ Sam Moss (Evening Muse)

Grady Spencer & the Work w/ Kyle Kelly (Evening Muse)

Hiram w/ The Pinkerton Raid, Elonzo Wesley (Petra’s)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Celestial Company (Birdsong Brewing)

Shadow Play (Crown Station)

Deep Fried Disco (Snug Harbor)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Scoot Pittman (Goldie’s)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Kavita Krishnamurti (Knight Theater)

SATURDAY, JULY 29

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Drumming Bird w/ Andrew Montana (Evening Muse)

Kid Pastel w/ Weekend Friend (Evening Muse)

Chris Taylor & the Rumor (Goldie’s)

Hightower Fest (The Rooster)

Electric Dynamite (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

Mutant Strain w/ Nag, Tupperware, Korridor, X-Acto, Circuit (Snug Harbor)

Dark Sun Kult w/ Graveyard Boulevard (Tommy’s Pub)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Post Malone (PNC Music Pavilion)

JAZZ/BLUES

Blake Aaron w/ Will Donato (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Hunter’s Travesty (Comet Grill)

The Pintos w/ Mucho Gumbo (Petra’s)

Walker Hayes (Skyla Amphitheatre)

Shake The Dust w/Sam Brasko, Tylor Hill (Starlight on 22nd)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Digital Noir w/ DJ Spider & Mouse the DJ (The Milestone)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Spencer Rush w/ Zac Robins (Goldie’s)

Tonya Wood (Primal Brewery)

FAMILY

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 2

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Alpha Strain w/ Zoume, Suitable Miss, Home for the Day (The Milestone)

American Theory w/ Noir Noir, The Dirty Low Down (Snug Harbor)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Jim Brock & Jeremy Shaw (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

JAZZ/BLUES

Sunny Side (Evening Muse)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Singer-Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)

COVER BANDS

Thirsty Horses w/ Caleb Davis (Goldie’s)

JAZZ/BLUES

Groove Machine w/ Jake Valdenhang (Goldie’s)

Jessy J (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Austin McNeill w/ David Taylor & The Tallboys, The Sugar Hollows (Snug Harbor)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

The Breakfast Club (Amos’ Southend)

Jason Mraz (Skyla Amphitheatre)

ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER

Spencer Rush (Goldie’s)

Caleb Wolfe & Friends (Heist Brewery)

Matt Stratford (Primal Brewery)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Indian Idol (Ovens Auditorium)

Reyna Tropical w/ Bravo Pueblo, Zzzzaappp (Petra’s) FUNK/JAM BANDS

The Jam Cooperative (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

OPEN MIC

Carolina Waves Showcase and Open Mic (Evening Muse)

SUNDAY, AUGUST 6

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

DJ Disney Night (The Underground)

COVER BANDS

Bullet the Blue Sky (U2 tribute) (Amos’ Southend)

Agosto (Heroes del Silencio tribue) (Visulite Theatre)

SUNDAY, JULY 30

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Blankstate w/ True Lilith, Inkswell (The Rooster)

Manchester Orchestra w/ Jimmy Eat World (Skyla Amphitheatre)

Motel Glory w/ 86 Hope, Moonshine (Tommy’s Pub)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Joeyy (The Underground)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Hazy Sunday (Petra’s)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Tunnel Vision (Primal Brewery)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Bill Porter w/ Rod Fiske (Goldie’s)

CHRISTIAN/RELIGIOUS/GOSPEL

Karen Poole & Keandra Davis (Middle C Jazz)

MONDAY, JULY 31

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Disturbed (PNC Music Pavilion)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Bluegrass Mondays (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Aaron Chance Wilson (Evening Muse)

TUESDAY, AUGUST 1

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Starjuice w/ True Lilith, Milo Duhn, Hey Revolver, Blightmoth (The Milestone)

Counting Crows w/ Dashboard Confessional (Skyla Amphitheatre)

JAZZ/BLUES

Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)

OPEN MIC

Famous Open Mic feat. The Smokin’ J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Brent Cates w/ Ryan Trotti (Goldie’s)

THURSDAY, AUGUST 3

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Hodera w/ Late Bloomer, This Can’t Be Real (The Milestone)

Dirty Heads (Skyla Amphitheatre)

JAZZ/BLUES

Jackie O (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

NC Bluegrass Jam Night (Birdsong Brewing)

Abe Partridge w/ David Childers (Evening Muse)

American Aquarium (Neighborhood Theatre)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

COVER BANDS

Pluto for Planet w/ Dan Hood (Goldie’s)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 4

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Once Below Joy w/ Aurora’s Hope (Evening Muse)

Modern Alibi w/ Luther & Sargent (Goldie’s)

Babe Haven w/ Cosmic Twynk, Plan B, True Lilith (The Milestone)

The Rockaholics (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Palmyra w/ Swearingen & Kelli (Evening Muse)

Mike D & the Rhythm Kings w/ Brandon Davidson (The Rooster)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Jason Jet w/ Nero Tindal (Camp North End)

Keith Murray w/ Phaze Gawd (Crown Station)

Mikki Ma’at w/ Celeste Moonchild, Quisol (Snug Harbor)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)

Selina Albright (Middle C Jazz)

Bob Margolin & Friends (Neighborhood Theatre)

ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER

Allison Rose & Jake Wright (Goldie’s)

COVER BANDS

Lovesong (The Cure tribute) (Amos’ Southend)

SATURDAY, AUGUST 5

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Pyrexia w/ Cerebral Incubation, Atoll, Reeking Aura (The Milestone)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

NiiTO (Evening Muse)

Kari Faux (The Underground)

Dexter Jordan w/ Sonny Miles, Mercury Carter (Neighborhood Theatre)

Boy Jr. w/ Trauma Cat, Ego Death Machine, Galloway (The Milestone)

Bret Michaels (PNC Music Pavilion)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Avery*Sunshine & the Baylor Project (Knight Theater)

Moneybagg Yo (Spectrum Center)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)

JD feat. Hank Bilal (Middle C Jazz)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Square Roots w/ Kyle Cummings (Goldie’s)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Hazy Sunday (Petra’s)

OPEN MIC

Open Mic Nite (Starlight on 22nd)

MONDAY, AUGUST 7

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Sunrot w/ Shanked, Cicatrice (The Milestone)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Bluegrass Mondays (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)

OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse Open Mic w/ Kevin Goodwin (Evening Muse)

TUESDAY, AUGUST 8

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Pans w/ Pet Bug, Filern, Jackson Fig (The Milestone) Pretty Baby w/ Flannelmouth, Dylan Gilbert (Petra’s)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Snoop Dogg w/ Wiz Khalifa, Too $hort (PNC Music Pavilion)

JAZZ/BLUES

Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Leisure McCorkle w/ Lisa De Novo (Goldie’s)

OPEN MIC

BOLD Music Camp Song Release Party & Open Mic (Evening Muse)

Famous Open Mic feat. The Smokin’ J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING.

MUSIC FEATURE

A RECONCILIATION SONG

Susong brothers duet over a distance to close the gap

BY PAT MORAN

In susong’s single “Tinseltown,” ratcheting guitar and insistent electronic percussion set the wistful tune’s tempo as Matt and Michael Susong’s brotherly bone-deep blood harmonies soar bittersweetly overhead.

“Cables disconnected days ago, and the lights left us behind/ Pick the cap out of your feather, say your goodbyes we’re not leaving together…”

Songs about memories and goodbyes proliferate on the brothers’ entrancing five-track EP, we are in this together, but only “Tinseltown” expressly sets up the situation that spurred the brothers’ musical collaboration in the first place.

“I wrote that thinking I’d left Michael in High Point when I went to college,” Matt says, referencing the brothers’ hometown in the Triad. “It’s about reunification.”

The theme applies to the rest of the EP, but it’s also pertinent to how the project came to be. With Matt living in Charlotte and Michael in WinstonSalem, the Susong brothers had become separated by distance plus the demands of career and family. Nevertheless, Matt and Michael took a chance on collaboration, a musical dialog spanning 80 miles and many years apart.

The result is a hauntingly beautiful collection of intensely personal and specific songs that somehow build a musical bridge to the universal. The most lasting upshot of the project, however, was completely unexpected. Michael recalls how the multiple phone calls the brothers shared to shape the EP shifted focus.

“[They] opened up the lines of communication,” he says. “We might chat about a song for five minutes, but then it was 20 minutes about what’s going on in our lives. It opened up not only the music, but our relationship, too.”

Growing up, the brothers were enthralled with their father’s musical virtuosity. Playing guitar in faith-based quarter Legacy, Doug Susong instilled a love of music in his sons, but the boys didn’t really pick up guitar until Matt learned to play “Glycerine” by Bush. He, in turn, taught younger sibling Michael the chords for Smashing Pumpkins’ “Today.” They

were hooked.

“It was like watching your head explode in the rearview mirror,” Matt says.

Michael explored the multi-channel possibilities of the Tascam 4-track cassette recorder and fell in love with home recording. Throughout high school and his first year at college, he played in local rock band A New Way Home.

Both brothers attended UNC Chapel Hill, though two years apart. After graduation, Michael moved to California, where he gigged as a solo guitarist and singer-songwriter. Matt moved to Charlotte in 2004. In 2014, he co-founded To Better Waters, a five-piece rock indie rock band that plays original material. Front man Matt says fans describe the band as “Morning Jacket meets Oasis.”

Matt traces the genesis of susong to the RPM Challenge, an annual time-based contest that challenges songwriters to write and record 10 songs or 30 minutes of music in February.

“It [takes place on] the shortest month of the year on purpose,” Matt says. “It’s based on the idea that constraint drives creativity.”

To Better Waters accepted the challenge for several years in a row, Matt offers, sparking creativity and camaraderie.

If RPM served as fuel for the brothers’ eventual formation of susong, their father’s death from cancer in 2017 proved to be a bittersweet spark. Both brothers were profoundly affected by the passing of the man who inspired their musical efforts, and they converged on the family home for the funeral. Matt found Michael working on a nascent tune he called “Colder Shoulder” in their father’s music room.

“Matt was throwing out ideas on transitions between verse and chorus,” Michael says. “We really clicked.”

Their mother Jody was also in the room.

“Mom asked, ‘Where does this come from?’” Michael says. “She didn’t understand at first that we were creating it in front of her.”

After this impromptu session, the brothers agreed to collaborate long distance. They learned to overcome not just the physical distance between

them but also incompatibility on equipment and musical approaches. Matt is immersed in traditional fourinstrument rock and pop singer-songwriting, working on his Mac with Logic studio software. Michael uses Windows, FL Studio software and has moved away from guitar toward electronic music and the endless sound possibilities offered by synthesizers.

These differences didn’t take long to overcome. Matt remembers receiving a remix Michael did on one of his tunes and playing it on his phone early in the morning before anyone else had woken up. He was transfixed.

“[Michael] took the song in a similar but completely different direction,” Matt says. “[He] gave it depth and more emotion, while at the same time making it more sterile.”

For a few years, Matt and Michael took the RPM Challenge, crafting their musical collaboration to the contest’s tight deadline and cranking out as many as 11 songs. At the same time, their bond deepened, rekindled by their recent reconnection. Matt feels the music they created, which the brothers placed on Soundcloud, has many highlights but feels like it’s not fully formed.

“It doesn’t have much cohesion because we were doing it for fun,” Matt says.

In late 2022, the brothers got serious. Matt dialed the target output down to five songs. He sent inspirational emails to Michael, sharing his thoughts and feelings about each song. Around that time, Michael’s schedule at his day job with a Raleigh-based marketing agency tightened. The brothers decided to jettison the RPM Challenge and its deadline, instead focusing on recording and releasing the cache of enthralling tunes they were creating.

They made the right call. Released in May, we are in this together boasts nostalgic and lyrical tunes about the impossibility of supporting all the

people in your life (“Everyone Is on My Shoulders”), the unreliability and fallibility of memory (“Moby Jane”), and meeting a long-time antagonist faceto-face (“Fox Jacket”).

Underlying tension runs throughout the EP but is most explicit on the whirlpooling, folk-inspired “Death to Tennis,” which Matt says is about holding onto something far too long and being unable to quit.

The melancholy tune turns sinister thanks to Michael’s electronic wizardry, Matt says, with percussion that sounds like someone in heavy boots is stalking the listener.

“I hope people feel that tension, that build and release,” Michael says. “I’m an earworm guy. I would love it if somebody got annoyed that they couldn’t get one of these songs out of their head. That would be a triumph.”

That triumph is possible, the Susongs say, because they reconciled and reconnected through music, overcoming time, distance and divergent lifelines.

USE THE ABOVE QR CODE TO LISTEN TO SUSONG’S LATEST.

PHOTO BY TOMMY CARY

THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN

DJ Fannie Mae brings the Sainted trap choir to the national stage

BY RYAN PITKIN

With all the editing and scripted nonsense that goes into reality television, it’s hard to tell if what you’re watching has even the slightest hint of reality. But if you watched the episode of America’s Got Talent that aired on June 6, you’d know there was a segment that carried with it an undeniable, unfalsifiable realness.

One can’t script the energy that DJ Fannie Mae and the Sainted Trap Choir brought onto the stage in Pasadena, California that night. But anyone who’s been to one of Fannie Mae’s Sainted parties at The Underground back home in Charlotte knew about that energy long before Fannie Mae and her two dozen choir members hit the national limelight.

Nor could judge Simon Cowell deny it, nor would he want to, as Fannie Mae told him “We’re from the South so you better watch your mouth” seconds before the performance started.

The group was passed along to the next round, where they’re expected to perform again in a live episode on Aug. 22.

More specifically than the South, DJ Fannie Mae and the Sainted Trap Choir are from Charlotte, where they first hit the stage of The Underground for their experimental hybrid show featuring trap hip-hop songs sung in a gospel style back in February 2020. Complete with a domineering setlist drawn up by Fannie Mae and props that included pews and church fans, the group sold out The Underground for that first show, justifying the months of planning that Fannie Mae and local music producer Dennis Reed had put into it.

“To be there was electrifying. I mean, it was like literally floating on the cloud,” Fannie Mae recalled of that kickoff show. “And I remember just seeing people’s reactions, like, mind blown … And so I think that’s what’s been carrying us since then. Even it happening right before the pandemic, just the energy off that one show carried us through the pandemic and it’s why we were able to pick back up and now have the blessings that we have in this season.”

Having traveled in the same circles for years, Reed and Fannie Mae had met in passing many times before, but early in 2019 Reed began telling Fannie Mae they needed to connect for a collaboration he

had been thinking about. Fannie Mae didn’t think much of it.

“I’m like, ‘Aight bet, whatever,’” she remembered. “A lot of people have ideas and say they’re going to do stuff. But he called me randomly and was like, ‘I have an idea I want to do, it may sound crazy, but I want to do a trap choir.’ I’m like, ‘Bro, that doesn’t sound crazy. That sounds like my wildest dreams.’”

The idea struck a chord for Fannie Mae thanks to her upbringing in the Southern church.

“Being church kids, we sing everything very churchy,” she told Queen City Nerve. “It’s

“I still actively work in church,” he said. “You can find me there every week, every Sunday, leading worship, working with students, working with the youth, working with choirs, all of this. So when [Fannie Mae] initially came up with the name Sainted and then she created some of the content, the flyers where we were actually in clergy collars — she really has a creative mind and she likes to push the limit, right? So even then I was like, ‘Okay, God, you’re okay with this, right?,” he continued, laughing.

“But it’s a whole lot of fun. And at the end of the day, for me, it’s about artistic expression of Black culture. So, it’s different in the concept itself, but there are some familiar elements about it because there’s a lot of similarities between what I do in a church environment and what we do with Sainted and the different environments that we’re honored to perform in.”

As the two await the Sainted Trap Choir’s next appearance on America’s Got Talent, they’ll continue on their own separate projects.

in a box. I don’t want somebody to be able to say I’m one thing. I don’t want to be monolithic in my life. I feel like we’re just all people and we’re people of the Earth, so we should appreciate all things. And music allows me to walk in that fully.”

As for Reed, he’s set to celebrate Inspire the Fire’s 21st anniversary on July 29. He’ll also continue to work with longtime clients like Jodeci, who kick off their new tour in Charlotte that same day; and Fantasia, with whom he’s currently co-producing a new gospel album.

Even with everything he has going on, he sees Sainted as something much bigger than him and DJ Fannie Mae. He hopes the city will tune in when the group appears back on national television for the good of the local music community as a whole.

just something that we do. It could be the most raunchiest song, but we’re going to make it churchy and put some praise on it.”

Reed, founder of local youth empowermentthrough-arts organization Inspire the Fire, gave Fannie Mae the idea and let her run with it, connecting her along the way with people from his robust network built over decades in the industry. Many of the folks currently on the Trap Choir are Inspire the Fire alums.

The Black church still plays a large role in Reed’s life, which has both made this project all the more special to him and led him to question it at times, he told Queen City Nerve.

For DJ Fannie Mae, that means working as the house DJ for Charlotte FC, a gig that’s inspired her in ways she couldn’t have imagined when she accepted.

She recalled the recent Gold Cup matches at Bank of America Stadium, which brought the national teams from Honduras, Haiti, and Trinidad and Tobago to Charlotte. Working the traditional sounds and popular songs from each respective country into her playlists was a beautiful challenge, she said.

“It’s just a very, very humbling yet rewarding experience because it’s what I’ve always wanted to do,” she told Queen City Nerve. “I never wanted to be

“This is our chance to make a mark and create a powerful impact,” he said. “Charlotte has never had a lack of talent. We’ve had several breakout acts come from our region, but there’s something powerful when people can unite and if they can vote and if they can showcase the true potential of our community, I think that’s when our true greatness as a city can be realized.

“Regardless of whether this is your style of music, or even if you dislike or disagree with the concept itself, we are Charlotte, we are from the South, we are products of this environment, and we need everybody to rally around us to really make change.”

RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM

FANNIE MAE & THE SAINTED TRAP CHOIR PERFORM ON ‘AMERICA’S GOT TALENT.’ COURTESY OF NBC

DJ FANNIE MAE / PHOTO BY J. LAMAR

MUSIC FEATURE TE’JANI TURNS DARK THOUGHTS TO NOISE

BY PAT MORAN

In January, singer-songwriter, producer, engineer and multi-instrumentalist Te’Jani Inuwa did something he had seldom done before: He celebrated his birthday.

“Growing up poor, my parents never had much,” Te’Jani says. “So, if you asked for anything you were already asking too much.”

Presents were clearly off the table, so by age 11, he vowed never to celebrate Christmas or his birthday.

Yet, by January 2023, Te’Jani relented. On the eve of the release of his vulnerable confessional EP On Prozac, with a release show scheduled at the venue where he cut his teeth as a performer through open mic nights, Te’Jani realized that people wanted to support him.

“[I said], I need to allow them to support me,” Te’Jani says.

Growing up in a religious family, Te’Jani was unmoved by worship music, but when Guitar Hero 3 game came out, he picked up guitar.

Throughout high school he cut his teeth at Evening Muse’s open mic nights. Attending college at Queens University, Te’Jani focused on a career in track, but he put athletics aside and turned to music. He interned at Black Pearl Studios where he crossed paths with producers, engineers and musicians like Ike Byers, Matt Square, Mike Larry, and Tré Ahmad — Te’Jani performed at Ahmad’s Homecoming concert at Neighborhood Theatre in June — plus video producers Rudy and Judson Kovasckitz.

After gaining recognition with the Living Quarters collective and Summer Camp project in 2020, Te’Jani released his eclectic and critically-lauded Gimp EP,

CICATRICE’S INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH TRANS ACTIVISM

BY PAT MORAN

As a heavy snake-charmer guitar riff coils through a dense cloud of industrial noise, Anastasia Weiss’ distorted vocals deliver a manifesto that unfurls like a tattered, bloodstained banner.

“If you have scars/ Wear them in the light/ If you have fire/ Light up the fucking night/ Remember who we’ve lost/ We will stand in the flames/ And they will call us by our names…”

“Trap Laws,” which dropped in May, is Weiss’ newest single as hardcore industrial solo project Cicatrice, a word she chose due to its translation in multiple languages: scar. Weiss says she developed the tune’s melodic monster riff because it imparts a sense of physical dread with its dissonant, harmonic minor sound.

“It gives you chills,” Weiss says.

With a title that is a slur for transwomen as well as an acronym for targeted restrictions on abortion providers, the song deliberately draws a connection between the attack on reproductive rights and the astroturfed antitrans movement.

Weiss is 27, and two years into her official transition as a woman. Growing up in Gastonia, she grew fascinated with production at an early age, setting up beats on her computer. She credits her guitar-playing father with supporting her interest in music.

“I learned everything that I knew about guitar from my dad,” she says.

After attending Appalachian State University, Weiss earned a degree in English in 2019. Her love of language is evident in her self-titled four-song EP that she released in March, particularly the song “Cisholm Syndrome,” which takes conservative trans people who try to appease the anti-trans community to task.

followed in 2023 by On Prozac.

“It’s the culmination of a breakup and accepting how much I was being an asshole,” Te’Jani says.

He wasn’t taking care of himself and ended up in the hospital for four days. He also told his parents that he wasn’t Christian anymore.

“That was not received well,” Te’Jani says.

That low point is behind him, and the second half of 2023 promises to bring his name to new heights.

Following Ahmad’s Homecoming in Charlotte, Te’Jani played his first show in New York City, a Sofar Sounds gig in Brooklyn in July. He’ll share a bill with local R&B bedroom-pop soulsters Alan Charmer and Cam Cokas at Snug Harbor on Aug. 12.

Behind the knobs, he’s currently recording a new album for Charlotte emo-rockers Dollar Signs in Boone, but plans to take some time off to develop his own new material in the fall.

“I’ve always had dark thoughts,” Te’Jani says. “I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but as long as I’m here, I’ll be making noise [and] I hope to have an impact on people.”

HELLFIRE 76 CONJURE DEVILISH GROOVES

BY PAT MORAN

“I’m afraid of everybody, not knowing who they are within/ And the mask I’m wearing is cutting right through my skin… ”

“[They’ve] sold [themselves] out for validation from people that don’t give a shit about them,” Weiss says.

With a solo show coming up at The Milestone Club on Aug. 7, Weiss hopes her audience will have a good time and get a little rowdy. “I don’t want to be a boring musician preaching at people,” she says.

At the same time, she does intend to deliver a message.

“I want to give a perspective that maybe not a lot of people know about,” she says. “I stand by what I say.”

Over a swaggering blues-rock riff and Rhodanstomps-Tokyo drums, Hellfire 76 guitarist and vocalist Von Bury drawls a street corner preacher’s ravenous recitative.

“A lot I’ve seen down in New Orleans/ Strippers and sinners and a Voodoo queen...”

As with the other five tunes on the Southern-psych/ metal duo Hellfire 76’s self-titled EP, “Voodoo Mama” can be enjoyed at face value, but Von Bury and drummer Mike McGuiness use witches, Satan and Santeria as metaphors to decry mainstream America’s acceptance of power, corruption and lies.

“We’re bringing up stuff about how hypocritical the religious right is,” McGuiness says. “They commit exactly what they preach not to commit.”

“[New Orleans is] the most Catholic city in the country,” says New Orleans native Von Bury. “You’re talking the most hypocritical people that you might see. If you do something wrong, just say some Hail Marys … and you’re going to be forgiven. That doesn’t make sense.”

Inspired by his sister’s Goth-rock collection, Van Bury was drawn to Siouxsie and the Banshees, Joy Division and Killing Joke, music with driving guitars and a darker edge. He didn’t have much use for the linear approach to metal.

“I noticed those testosterone bands, there were never girls at the shows,” he says. “The bands I liked, there were always girls at the shows.”

Inspired by an 8-track of the Kiss album Alive!, McGuiness got into “scary” rock like Alice Cooper. Playing in an alt-rock band in the late ’90s, he was poached by Rob Tavaglione [Catalyst Recording] to drum in Tavaglione’s metal band Face the World.

In 2019, Von Bury and McGuiness came together as Hellfire 76, a duo that makes a powerful amount of noise. While the band’s recordings boast guitar fills and short

solos, playing live they focus on industrial-strength riffs and the almighty groove.

“[When] I play guitar live, I split my signal to where half of it goes into a bass amp, and I have it tuned lower for that,” Von Bury says. “When you’re hearing it from the stage, you’re not missing the bass. We fill up the space.”

Hellfire 76, which starts recording a new 8-track LP in late July, plays The Rooster in Gastonia on Aug. 13.

TE’JANI / PHOTO BY KAT OSYGUS

CICATRICE / PHOTO BY CAMILLE WEISS

HELLFIRE 76 / PHOTO BY JENN MOTT REDD

DANE PAGE CONFRONTS LIFE, LOVE AND LOSS

BY RYAN PITKIN

Dane Page has been going through lots of changes in his life. With a new baby born in November 2022 and an even more recent move to Mooresville, one would think that he’s got plenty of inspiration for new music. But that’s just not how things work in the music industry.

Page took his time on his latest EP release, Fill the Fractures, a project consisting of four tracks that were all pretty much written by the time that COVID hit.

Luckily, Page had just finished building a home studio at the time the first stay-at-home orders were issued, so he went to work on Fill the Fractures, an EP that sees Page at his most personal.

Having in the past taken a more broader view of modern life, sprinkling in references to his interests in American history, English literature and the like, Fill the Fractures finds him ruminating on love and loss in a more introspective way following his marriage in November 2019.

Despite having lived with his wife Heather for years before the nuptials, he found that marriage brought new challenges, however welcome they were.

“There’s like a dynamic shift, something happens and it’s just like, ‘Alright, we’re in it,’” he explained. “It’s like learning how to love someone else whenever you don’t even feel like loving yourself that day, but you’ve still got to be there. You’ve still got to show up.”

Page has fine-tuned the folky sound his fans are used to, adding depth and a bit of darkness with the track “Don’t Bury Me in Roses,” in which he contemplates his own death now that he has a family.

In the song, he insists that people not dwell on him if he were to go, but instead spread love to and support his family.

Page said he has a fear of death that can keep him up

nights, and he’s worked on confronting that in his life and songwriting as he’s created his family.

“I make jokes whenever I play live, where I’m like, ‘You get married, and the next thing you think about is death,’” he said. “I know it’s a joke, but it’s kind of true. And you start thinking about things in life a little bit differently.

“There’s no life without death, there’s no love without death, and that’s what makes it so important who you spend your days with.”

LISA DE NOVO IS MRS. BRIGHTSIDE

BY RYAN PITKIN

Having spent years playing the open mic circuit in Charlotte, performing her uplifting style of what she calls “bubblegum jazz” in the corners of coffeehouses, breweries and bars all around the city, Lisa De Novo was primed for the road.

As soon as COVID restrictions lifted, that’s exactly what she took to, spending the last couple of years playing gigs wherever she could get them — from house shows in Utah to sets in the “middle-of-nowhere” Mississippi — experiences that have shown De Novo that it’s not where you’re at but the love you spread once you’re there.

“When you’re touring, you don’t know what to expect, but if you keep a positive outlook, usually it all turns out for the best,” she told Queen City Nerve.

While on the road, De Novo has been slowly piecing together her latest project, Sunflower Showers, a fourtrack EP that serves as her first project since the 2018 release of her debut album, The Big Bang

The EP serves as an inspirational thank-you note to nature. One song, “Sunshine,” is an homage to the sun itself. She’ll perform that and other work at Goldie’s on Aug. 8.

The name for Sunflower Showers came from De Novo’s partner, Jimmy Ski. With that being her favorite flower, the singer has since developed a number of ideas for how she wants to play with the aesthetic in upcoming videos for the songs and what the theme as a whole means to her.

She has a specific image not of sunflowers in a rain shower, but a literal shower of the plants themselves.

“It’s like a galaxy comet type of theme with the sunflowers,” she explained, going back to a space motif she visited with The Big Bang. “So obviously if comets were falling from the sky, we would all be freaked out, but what

GOTTA HAVE FAITH

BY RYAN PITKIN

When you think of the local music scene, church might not be the first thing that comes to mind. In the South, however, the roots of the church run deep through any music scene. This Music Issue’s cover story on Fannie Mae’s Sainted Trap Choir paints a picture of how the connections between gospel and modern hip-hop thrive today.

But true gospel ain’t dead, either, and Melvin Crispell III is here to spread that message.

On July 1, Crispell celebrated the release of his new album, No Failure, at his home church, Life Center Charlotte. That’s where he took part in the youth choir in middle school following his move from Brooklyn, New York, in 2006, coming up under a mother and father who were both nationally known in the gospel scene. He remembers the aughts as a time when the gospel scene

in Charlotte was as strong as ever.

“Charlotte used to have so many concerts and events that were centered around gospel music, and hopefully one day we can get back to a place where we highlight gospel music in Charlotte,” he told Queen City Nerve.

Crispell also remembers traveling around the country performing at praise events with his parents: Melvin Crispell Jr., who composed and played on award-winning songs for some of gospel music’s biggest artists; and Tunesha Crispell, a celebrated gospel singer in her own right whose voice was featured on several well-known choir recordings along with a critically acclaimed solo project.

He lost his father suddenly at the age of 16, followed by his mother’s death two years later, which sent him spiraling into despair. The onset of COVID-19, shutting

down events like First Friday Praise Fest that had kept him afloat in his time of loss, only made things worse.

Crispell poured himself into his music, a hybrid of contemporary R&B sound and worship music inspired by old-school gospel. He confronted much of the darkness he was dealing with in his debut album, I’ve Got a Testimony, released in 2020.

Now 26, Crispell says No Failure is an album that traces his path of healing through faith, just as the country begins to heal from what it’s lost over the last three years. He hopes we can move forward together, with gospel playing the role it was meant to play and returning to the forefront of Charlotte’s music scene.

“Gospel music is never dead, especially in Charlotte, as long as there’s a few of us who are carrying the torch and still singing, still making music, and you see that every day,” he said. “I think we can get back to that place, but the people have to support, too … So it’s just something that we have to work on and work at to make it a bigger, more relevant thing.”

if it were sunflowers? That’s what I was thinking when the name came about. That’s what came to my mind.”

When I brought up that I had taken it to symbolize the silver lining of a rain cloud, which provides life sustenance to a flower, the way her music often provides positivity in what has been a dark time for the country, she acknowledged that had crossed her mind as well.

“It goes both ways with the rain, where that’s usually depressing when the rain is raining, but then with sunflowers, you have that happy vibe that everything’s going to be okay. We’ll just have some more flowers, right?”

We could all use more flowers.

MELVIN CRISPELL III / PHOTO BY RCA INSPIRATION

DANE PAGE / PHOTO BY ENOWEN STUDIO

LISA DE NOVO / PHOTO BY SKI STUDIO

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

GUIDE TO GIBSON MILL

What to do at the largest adaptive reuse development in the Charlotte area

BY RAYNE ANTRIM

In 1986, David H. Murdock, one of the largest shareholders in Occidental Petroleum in the 1980s, sold the Cannon Mills in Concord to Fieldcrest, including its No. 6 plant at 325 McGill Ave. NW, also known as Gibson Mill.

Fieldcrest would become one of the largest producers of home furnishing and textile products in the world before 1997, when a manufacturer called Pilllowtext purchased that company. The industry then began to dwindle and downsize, directly affecting Pillowtext, which filed for bankruptcy in 2003, resulting in 4,000 jobs lost in Cabarrus County.

One year later, a few friends threw in together to buy the property and turn it into an adaptive resume facility featuring retail, office and warehouse space. They started with an antique mall. Today, Gibson Mill is one of the region’s largest adaptive reuse projects, spanning over 656,000 square feet across 48 acres.

Gibson Mill is seen as a staple to the Concord community, allowing families to take a little adventure in their own backyard. Within the last two years, the mill had introduced the community to the brand-new food hall, Gibson Mill Market. It’s flooded with new tenants like Cara’s Cookie Co., Churn Buddies, Johnny Rogers BBQ & Burgers, Kuni’s Kitchen, Livy’s Neapolitan Pizzeria, Taco Street, and The Market Bar.

Gibson Mill is also home to many small businesses, encouraging diversity and enriching the community’s culture by celebrating people’s individuality together.

But 656,000 square feet is a lot of ground to cover and can get overwhelming. That’s why Queen City Nerve is here to give you a breakdown of where you should go and what you should do when you visit the place that’s been woven into the community since 1899.

FOOD & DRINK

Defined Coffee

Defined Coffee first opened in Lake Norman in 2018, with the mission to share coffee’s diversity and create community. They now have locations in Huntersville, Denver and, of course, Gibson Mill in Concord. This location includes a bar, inviting customers to sit and chat with their baristas, and a wraparound balcony to enjoy your coffee and some fresh air. The company sources and roasts highquality, single-origin coffee while maintaining full transparency in their relationships with producers and recognizing who the growers are. Defined Coffee is considered to be part of the third-wave coffee community, offering traditional cappuccinos and cortados with specialty syrups.

Barcos Sports & Raw Bar

Despite being far from the ocean, Barcos manages to make customers feel seaside with their fresh, flavorful seafood and boat-inspired cocktails. For those with sea legs, the menu offers clams, mussels, peel-and-eat shrimp, crab cakes, seared tuna and mahi, fish & chips, and Old Bay fries to name a few. But Barcos also appeals to landlubbers, too, with sports-bar fare like naan sammies, nachos and pasta, plus beer, wine, an arcade and 15 jumbo TVs, making it easy to throw away the other 11 spots on this list and spend the day in Barcos.

Cara’s Cookie Co.

Don’t let the cookies fool you, Cara’s Cookie Co. is about more than sweets. Named after founder Jennifer Hamilton’s daughter, Cara, who died of a terminal brain tumor at just 50 days old, Cara’s Cookie Co. donates a portion of its profits to the charity the family started in her honor. Cara’s Purpose is a nonprofit whose mission is to provide

support and services to parents whose infants have been diagnosed with a terminal disease. It’s a sweet mission that’s made even sweeter with cookie flavors like coffee toffee, Oreo crunch, snickerdoodle, s’mores and gluten-free double chocolate.

Kuni’s Kitchen

You can’t leave Gibson Mill without stopping by Kuni’s Kitchen, at least for one small bite. The Asian restaurant makes bao buns and bowls with scratchmade noodles and locally sourced ingredients that are packed with flavor. You can also build your own bowl or try one of the bowls or buns of the month, which aren’t offered on the regular menu.

Johnny Roger’s BBQ & Burgers

Close your eyes and picture classic American comfort food. That’s Johnny Rogers. The familyowned, counter-service food joint offers handpulled barbecue, burgers, hot dogs, chicken, classic American sides, soups, salads, soft-serve ice cream and banana pudding (if you saved any room for dessert). Their barbeque seasoning (Butt Rubb) and sauce (Fat Boys) are family recipes created by coowner Barrett Dabbs’ father and uncle.

Cabarrus Brewing Company

You’ve got to drive into the depths of the Gibson Mill campus to find your way to the brewery, but it’s worth the search. Cabarrus Brewing Company is the first full-scale craft brewing in Concord and Cabarrus County. The brewery finds its purpose in building community and melding history by investing in community events and utilizing the mill’s space to

embrace the city’s history. The brewery’s Mezzanine is a private event space with access to televisions, a sound system, and a private bar. Right below the event space is the taproom, which is family- and dog-friendly. Featured beers include blonde ales, stouts, amber ales, IPAs, and hazy IPAs. It’s a great way to end your Gibson Mill Adventure.

ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF BLACK WEDNESDAY GIBSON MILL MARKET IN CONCORD

CARA’S COOKIE CO.

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

OTHER FUN

Beardy Weirdy’s Comics

Typically, you expect perfect china, glassware or a haunted mirror at an antique mall. The Depot at Gibson Mill has those amongst their more than 750 booths, but they also have vintage comic books — and a pretty daunting collection at that. With 7,000 comic books, toys, retro video games, and VHS tapes, Chris Rigo’s Beardy Weirdy’s Comics booth first opened in 2019. Rigo has been involved with the industry since he was a kid sorting and bagging comic books. He now leads Concord MicroCon, a local convention that welcomes all ages and various vendors to celebrate all things comics and superheroes. Concord Micro-Con celebrated its sixth annual event on May 6.

Luck Factory Games

If you’re looking for some healthy competition and something less immersive than an escape room, Lucky Factory Games (LFG) is a good spot to start. The game hall touts itself as North Carolina’s largest board game library and café, offering avid board game players over 1,000 games including Terraforming Mars, Settlers of Catan, Splendor, 7 Wonders, Ticket to Ride, and Codenames. The café offers snacks and drinks including draft beer, soda, wine, chips, Rice Krispie treats and sandwiches. LFG requires a daily admission ($8 + tax per person) with no time limit. Players can upgrade to a Game Theory or premium table for an additional $10 per party. Children 4 and under are free with paid adult admission. Kids 12 and under cannot play without adult supervision. Potential visitors are also welcome to reserve tables before arrival to ensure a space for players to throw down, but that’s not too much of a worry because the space allows up to 105 people.

Skyliner, 1972 De Tomaso Pantera, and more jawdropping automobiles.

Iron Axe Society

At this point, you’ve seen escape rooms and board game cafés — now it’s time to blow off steam with indoor axe throwing. Iron Axe Society is the perfect place to do it. It’s the first indoor axe-throwing facility in the greater Concord area, allowing visitors to throw small hatchets at a fixed target to accumulate points and earn the title of Iron Axe Society Champion. The facility encourages axe throwers of all experience levels to participate, assigning coaches to groups of new throwers and hosting leagues for experienced throwers and competitors.

Paper Theatre Studio

Have you been wanting to dive into your creative endeavors but don’t necessarily know where to start? Paper Theatre Studio (PTS) can be your launch pad. The photo, video and podcast rental studio is designed to accommodate aspiring content creators with large-scale projects. The PTS team has years of production experience in the media industry ranging from video, photography, 2D and 3D animation, 3D visualization and audio.

DEFINED COFFEE

Their mission is to break down the barrier that keeps creatives from reaching their visions. The studio has a comprehensive gear list that includes five C-stands with arms, three light stands, two sit-and-spins, six sandbags, four drop cords, and a lot of spring clamps (“so many clamps,” according to their description.) Now you just have to clamp down on your vision and make it happen.

Learn more about Gibson Mill at gibsonmill.com. Karie Simmons contributed reporting to this story.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

The Valcarol Missions Escape Room

The Valcarol Missions Escape Room is a small business that creates custom-made missions for customers/clients/prisoners to help you ferret out who in your party folds under pressure. With three or four rooms on rotation during a given season, each mission is connected like a novel series, with the escape rooms working in a non-linear format allowing each participant to solve clues at the same time. One of the other perks of these escape rooms is the unlimited amount of hints. You can ask any questions at any moment through walkie-talkies, encouraging curiosity and asking for help to win! Each room is designed with the perfect amount of challenge and is greatly complemented by its visual effects.

AutoBarn Classic Cars

Started by Charlotte-area car collectors, AutoBarn Classic Cars hopes to provide a simple way to market one’s pride and joy: their collector’s car. The building can be found past the Gibson Mill and Cabarrus Brewing Company, with a showroom positioned on the southeast corner of the property. AutoBarn Classic Cars also offers a meeting room for car clubs and other car enthusiast groups to hold meetings, parties, car shows, and other events. With 1,700 square feet, the space is set with countertops, tables, and chairs to accommodate the event’s needs. Better yet, the space is offered free of charge if approved. The shop’s inventory includes a 1967 Pontiac, 1955 Ford Sunliner, 1954 Ford Crest

VISITORS PLAY SETTLERS OF CATAN AT LUCK FACTORY GAMES.

LIFESTYLE PUZZLES

SUDOKU

BY LINDA THISTLE

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. THEATER: Which group composed the rock opera “Tommy”?

2. GEOGRAPHY: In which country is Mount Everest located?

3. LITERATURE: Which novel contains the line, “Big Brother is watching you”?

4. HISTORY: Who was the second president of the United States?

5. WEATHER: What is a cloud shaped like a flying saucer called?

6. TELEVISION: Which TV comedy features a character named Opie Taylor?

7. MOVIES: What is the name of Argus Filch’s cat in the “Harry Potter” series?

8. MATH: What is the only even prime number?

9. MEDICAL: What is the common name for the ailment called dysphonia?

10. ANIMAL KINGDOM: How many stages are in a butterfly’s life cycle?

CROSSWORD

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Information you need might be coming in sporadically, but at least what you’re getting is valuable. Continue to wait until more is available before acting on that career move.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You continue on an upbeat cycle, and with that strong Taurean energy, you should see favorable results from your hard work. A pleasing surprise awaits you in your private life.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) A misunderstanding needs more time to be worked out. Don’t give up on it just yet. Remain open to providing explanations, if called for. Another friend offers good advice.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Fast action can correct a seemingly minor problem that has taken on some unexpectedly difficult aspects. Stay with it until it’s resolved. News on a more positive note is due soon.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Some snags could cause delays in those plans you’re eager to see put into operation. But be patient. The Clever Cat will soon have good reason to celebrate a job well done.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Be careful not to let that Virgan sensitivity dissuade you from being the hardheaded realist you should be at this time. Your goals are in sight. Stay focused on them.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A more positive aspect opens up, allowing you to make some important changes in a personal situation. Remember to seek balance and avoid extremes as you proceed.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) This is a good week to get out and enjoy the fine times you missed while you were so deep in those workaday projects. Be sure to share it with that special person in your life.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Work and play are in balance this week. However, expect news that could tip things toward the workplace for quite a while — but all to a good end.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) You’re more productive on the job than you have been in some time. That’s good, but be careful not to overlook some situations developing in your private life.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You’ve been doing a lot for others (as usual). But now it’s time to focus on your needs, including finally going on that longdelayed trip you’ve been hoping to make.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) It’s all smoothly going on ‘twixt you and that very special person in your life. But a colleague causes some disruption on the job that you might be called on to help settle.

BORN THIS WEEK: You are sensitive to the needs of others, but you’re no pushover. You would make a fine teacher, psychologist or minister.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) A change that you hoped for is coming down the line, but you still need to be patient until more explanations are forthcoming. Continue to keep your enthusiasm in check.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Your social life expands as new friends come into your life. But while you’re having fun, your practical side also sees some positive business potential within your new circle.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Your workplace situation continues to improve, but look for advantages you might have missed while changes were going on around you. A trusted colleague can help.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Resist the urge to hunker down in your bunker until things ease up. Instead, get rid of that woe-is-me attitude by getting up and getting out to meet old friends and make new ones.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Now that you’re back enjoying the spotlight again, you should feel re-energized and ready to take on the challenge of bringing those big, bold plans of yours to completion.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) A former friend would like to repair a relationship you two once enjoyed. Your positive response could have an equally positive impact on your life. Think about it.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Resist making impulsive decisions. Stay on that steady course as you continue to work out workplace problems. Be patient. All will soon be back in balance.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) You might feel confident about taking a promising offer, but continue to be alert for what you’re not being told about it. Don’t fret. Time is on your side.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) People dear to you might be planning a way to show appreciation for all that you’ve done for them. Accept the honor graciously. Remember, you deserve it.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Congratulations. Your self-confidence is on the rise. This could be a good time to tackle those bothersome situations you’ve avoided both at home and at work.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You feel obligated to return a favor. (Of course, you do.) But heed advice from those close to you, and do nothing until you know for sure what’s being asked of you.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Your loving reassurance helped revive a once-moribund relationship. But be wary of someone who might try to do something negative to reverse this positive turn of events.

BORN THIS WEEK: You are a wonderful leader who can foster community and bring people together to form long-lasting relationships.

UPCOMING SPECIAL ISSUES

AUGUST 9 | PRIDE GUIDE

AUGUST 23 | ELECTION GUIDE

SEPTEMBER 6 | FALL ARTS GUIDE

OCTOBER 25 | HALLOWEEN GUIDE

NOVEMBER 29 | BEST IN THE NEST

DECEMBER 27 | NEW YEAR’S EVE GUIDE

1. The Who.

2. Nepal.

3. “1984” by George Orwell.

4. John Adams.

5. A lenticular cloud.

6. “The Andy Griffith Show.”

7. Mrs. Norris.

8. Two.

9. Hoarseness.

10. Four (egg, larva, pupa and adult).

SAVAGE LOVE CARETAKER

On the way out

BY DAN SAVAGE

I have a partner of several decades who needs me, as I am his primary caregiver and he’s been going through a prolonged health crisis. But we have been sexless for two decades. There are multiple reasons for that, on both sides, some of which include the fact that I’m just not that physically attracted to him anymore, even if I once was, even if I love him, even if I still feel sexual desire, just not in his direction. I have no interest in renewing our sexual relationship, especially not now, given the condition he’s in. I don’t even know if he’s capable anymore. But I don’t want to give up being a sexual being. I also don’t think he would be open to opening the relationship and allowing me to get my needs met elsewhere. He’s very traditional in that sense, and I’m scared to ask. I think it would break his heart.

Yet, at the same time, he’s kind of getting his needs met via porn, which he hides and he’s very reluctant to talk about, although I understand. Not because I watch or enjoy porn, but because I understand he has needs and I am not fulfilling them. I guess in his mind it’s different because he’s not engaging in a relationship with someone else, so it’s not cheating — although I could argue that the amount of hours he spends watching porn and the extreme types he views certainly feels like something close to cheating to me. Not quite sure what I’d call it. I kind of mind when it’s bordering on jailbait and/or violent situations, I do find those subjects more problematic, but I’m trying really hard not to judge, even when it’s more disturbing to me, because I don’t want to add to his shame. These are just fantasies, and he wouldn’t act on them. He can’t act on them. So, I am trying not to mind and consider myself grateful that he is getting his needs met somehow without me.

My question, I guess, is how do I broach the topic that I have needs, too? And maybe get permission to get them met elsewhere without hurting him? I’m not going to leave him. I can’t. That would be cruel. But I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives (and his might not be that much longer) living like a nun.

MARRIED OR MARTYR

So, you don’t wanna meet your husband’s

sexual needs, assuming he’s still capable of being sexual; in fact, the thought of being sexual with your husband — who’s on his way out — is so unappealing that you don’t even want to risk broaching the subject of sex, MOM, for fear he might get ideas about being sexual with you. But you can somehow risk monitoring the porn your husband consumes, MOM, porn he tries to hide from you (however unsuccessfully), porn you could help him hide from you (by turning a blind fucking eye), and porn you should be grateful he has access to (porn gets you off the hook).

While you were never that sexually attracted to your husband, MOM, at some point you made the difficult transition from sexual and romantic partner — or presumed/default sexual and romantic partner — to caretaker. Even people who enjoyed strong sexual connections with their long-term partners sometimes have to make that awful transition, and the sex dwindles away. But sex was never an important part of your marriage and you stuck around anyway, and now you’ve taken on profound obligations and responsibilities that transcend sex; you’re not there to get him off, you’re there to see him out. That’s a loving thing to do — or it’s a thing that can be done lovingly (some people are monstrous to their dying partners) — and the less resentful you are about the pressures and deprivations that come with being a caretaker, the more loving a caretaker you’ll be.

So, there’s your rationalization, MOM. If discreetly getting sex elsewhere without seeking your husband’s permission — thereby sparing your husband a painful and pointless conversation that would only highlight what never worked about your marriage at the end of his life — will bring you some small measure of happiness, I think you should go ahead and get sex elsewhere. It’s entirely possible your husband is no more interested in having sex with you than you are with him — it’s possible he prefers porn at this stage of his life — but regardless, MOM, your husband didn’t ask for your permission before he figured out a way to take care of his own needs. He did what he needed to do. You should do the same.

P.S. But for the love of Christ, MOM, stop looking at his browser history or dusting his DVD collection or whatever it is you’re doing that forces you to think about the porn your husband is watching. If his porn preferences bother you, there’s an easy for fix for that: Respect his privacy.

P.P.S. I honestly can’t understand why people whose marriages have been sexless for years or decades but who

choose to stay together don’t release their spouses from monogamous sexual commitments.

Here’s the situation: I’m involved with someone who is depressed and I don’t know how to help him. His depression has caused him to lose the ability to experience pleasure, for the most part. He’s on anti-depressants, but not the kind that impact your libido. How do I lift his spirits and get him to enjoy sex again?

BLUES CLUES

“It can be very difficult when someone you love needs help but won’t get it,” said John Moe, host of Depresh Mode, a podcast that tackles depression with humor and without stigma. “You can only lead the horse to water, right? It’s a tricky move that depression pulls where the disorder sort of builds a protective shield around itself where the person is so devoid of hope and self-regard that they don’t think help is either possible or deserved, when in fact it’s both.”

So, while your partner is already on antidepressants and therefore has sought some sort of treatment, if he’s still struggling with depression — and having no libido can be a sign that someone is struggling — he may not be on the right antidepressants and/or antidepressants aren’t the only treatment he needs.

“When I was at my low point, before diagnosis and before treatment, I didn’t think I was worth getting better,” said Moe. “Finally, my wife said, ‘If you don’t love yourself enough to go see someone, do you love me and the kids?’ I said sure, of course. ‘Then do it for us,’ she said. And I did. The other line I know sometimes works when people don’t want to get help is to just ask how the status quo is working out of them. Like what exactly is so great about the current situation that you want to hold on to? Not so much about sex, really, but getting help can to a better mental state where sex becomes more feasible.”

Follow John Moe on Twitter @JohnMoe and the Depresh Mode podcast on Instagram @depreshpod.

I’m active-duty military and my wife is as well. We are apart for now, but she will be where I am in September. I made a huge mistake. I was scrolling on Reddit and came across a subreddit that was intriguing. All I wanted was to get a release through photos. The stranger on the other end asked for my WhatsApp information so they could send me photos. I ended up sending an inappropriate picture back to get a “rating,” and wound up in a blackmail situation after the recipient of my photo threatened to send it to my wife. Obviously, I didn’t want that to happen, so I sent money but this person on Reddit still sent a screenshot to my wife. I told my wife I messed up bad. I feel so angry and resentful towards myself and I’m in therapy now working through my issues. I have an unhealthy relationship with porn and I should have sought out for help before I ended up sending an inappropriate photo to a stranger

on Reddit. My wife knew I watched porn, and she was okay with that, but she isn’t okay with this. I love my wife and I don’t want it to end over a single penis picture sent to a random person. I didn’t seek a conversation or anything else from this stranger. I’m trying to understand and forgive myself. I just feel so much anger towards myself. What can I be doing to earn my wife’s trust back? Was it cheating? I guess my biggest question is, why did I do this?

PICTURE INCLUDE CONSEQUENCES

You had your dick in one hand and your smartphone in the other — that’s why you sent that pic — but you also sent it because you wanted to feel wanted. Sometimes a married person in a monogamous relationship needs to have their desirability affirmed by someone who isn’t their spouse; sometimes we need to hear we’re hot from someone whose job it isn’t to tell us we’re hot. People used to get that need met by strangers in a hotel bars or people they briefly interacted with at work — people used to get that need met in ways that didn’t create a digital trail — but nowadays we get that need met online. So, instead of flirting with someone you were never going to be in the same room with again, PIC, you connected online with someone you were never going to be in the same room with ever.

Was it cheating? Well, I wouldn’t consider it cheating, PIC, but I’m not your wife.

As a general rule, I think monogamous couples should define cheating as narrowly as possible. Touching someone else with your dick? Obviously, that counts. Flirting with a stranger you you’re never going to meet in person? I don’t think that counts. If we want monogamous marriages to survive routine temptations, online and off, I think we need to round things like this — not just what you did, PIC, but what you got caught doing — down to stupid-but-forgivable rather than rounding them up to cheating-and-unforgiveable.

But again, PIC, I’m not your wife. Once the woman you married gets past her initial shock and anger, I would hope she could see that you were the victim here — the victim of your own poor judgment, but also the victim of an online sociopath and a victim of revenge pornography. You shouldn’t do that thing where you’re so theatrically angry with yourself that your wife feels manipulated into comforting you. You need to let her be angry, you need to apologize to her, and then, when things calm down a little, you can talk about what you actually did. You flirted with a stranger, which is something your wife has probably done herself, and that stranger turned out to have an ulterior motive and a vindictive streak … and the dick pick you were stupid/horny/needy enough to send them.

If your wife can forgive you for flirting with a stranger like this, then this marriage can be saved. If she can’t, then this marriage — and any future marriage your wife might enter into — is probably doomed.

Send your burning questions to mailbox@savage.love; podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love.

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