Queen City Nerve - September 6, 2023

aiden@triad-city-beat.com

TABLE OF CONTENTS

NEWS & OPINION

4 From Trauma Comes Joy by Pat Moran Alumni strive to preserve the legacy of Charlotte’s first all-Black high school

FALL ARTS GUIDE 2023

6 Let’s Chill by Rayne Antrim 100+ events to bring us out of the hot season

MUSIC ISSUE 2023

11 Soundwave

12 The Connector by Ryan Pitkin

Skinnyjay keeps his mind on the creative process during cancer battle

14 Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks

FOOD & DRINK

16 A Celebration of Living by Timothy DePeugh

At Restaurant Constance, a man cooks like his life depends on it

LIFESTYLE

18 Puzzles

20 The Seeker by Katie Grant

21 Horoscope

22 Savage Love

Thanks to our contributors:

Grant Baldwin, Katie Grant, Timothy DePeugh, Rico Marcelo, Morgan Sasser, Mitch Lowe, John Merrick, Aric Thompson, Brinkhoff Mogenburg and Dan Savage.

FROM TRAUMA COMES JOY

Alumni strive to preserve the legacy of Charlotte’s first allBlack high school

BY PAT MORAN

They come from all over the country, says Arthur Griffin, to return to their home.

It’s five days before a centennial celebration of Second Ward High School, Charlotte’s first public high school for Black students. Griffin, a former Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools (CMS) Board of Education member, current Mecklenburg County Commissioner and 1966 Second Ward High School graduate, tells me about some the people who were eager to attend a banquet that held on Sept. 1 at the Sheraton Charlotte on South McDowell Street.

The banquet followed a community-wide Tiger Day festival on July 15 at Second Ward High School’s former gymnasium. Located on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, the gym is the only remaining facility left of Second Ward High School.

“I talked to a 1956 graduate who is coming to Charlotte,” says Griffith, who has served as president of the Second Ward High School National Alumni Foundation, Inc. since October 2022.

“[She’s] 80-something years old [and] coming back to her high school reunion,” said Griffin, himself 75 years old. “She called me a baby.”

Alumni from chapters in Washington, Maryland and New York were expected to attend the centennial celebrations in September.

Opened as Colored High School in 1923, decades before public school integration was even in sight, the institution was soon renamed Second Ward High School. Located in Brooklyn, Second Ward High School was a beacon at the heart of Charlotte’s now-vanished Black community — a powerful symbol that Black people could strive and thrive in the face of racism in the Jim Crow South.

The school was closed in 1969 and subsequently demolished along with most of Brooklyn, ostensibly in the name of so-called urban renewal and desegregation. Somehow spared from the bulldozers, the Second Ward High School gymnasium was designated a historic landmark in 2008, and the building is now one of Mecklenburg County’s Park and Recreation facilities.

While most of the school is gone, the spirit of Second Ward High School still resonates throughout Charlotte’s Black community as alumni celebrate its 100th anniversary, which holds powerful memories for the students and teachers who taught, learned, forged lifelong friendships and dared to dream there.

“You can’t separate Second Ward and Brooklyn,” says retired educator and 1955 grad Grace Hoey. “Second Ward was there strong, right in our face every day.”

“Second Ward High School made us believe we could do anything when we graduated,” Griffin says. “[It] provided the characteristics we embrace today, a legacy of grit, resilience, innovation and high standards.”

“Second Ward was an institution that provided people who believed in and were involved in community. They understood the important of the work ethic and honesty,” adds former educator and 1954 graduate William Harris. “It was an institution that understood that you play the hand that’s dealt.”

Planting a seed of a shady tree

The hand Griffin, Hoey and Harris were dealt was similar to the cards held by their fellow residents in Brooklyn and nearby Black neighborhoods, preparing for life at a segregated school that was separate from white society and supposedly equal.

Second Ward High School opened at the same time as a then-new white institution, Central High School, which was located in Elizabeth and still stands today as part of Central Piedmont Community College’s Uptown campus.

“Black schools and white schools in the city had the same school colors,” Griffin says. “Central High’s were blue and white, [as were] Second Ward’s.”

Griffin maintains the schematic was intentional. When Central High School gave Second Ward High School their hand-me-down band and football uniforms, the colors didn’t need to be changed.

Growing up in Brooklyn and attending Myers Street Elementary School, Hoey, like most of her peers, looked forward to the day she would attend Second Ward High School.

“We were involved with Second Ward and knew about Second Ward from elementary school,” Hoey says. “Second Ward is a part of me.”

“Second Ward was in your blood,” says Griffin, who grew up in the lower part of Charlotte’s First Ward, a mostly Black neighborhood at the time. In those days, Second Ward High School taught grades

7 through 12, so Griffin attended the school from 1960 to 1966.

Likewise, Hoey started at Second Ward High School in 7th grade, attending from 1949 to 1955. Hoey says she formed lifelong friendships there, and is effusive in her praise for the school’s teachers.

“I wish that the students today had those teachers,” says the former educator whose resume includes teaching positions in Charlotte; WinstonSalem; Florence, South Carolina; and in the state Department of Public Instruction in Raleigh. “Those teachers were like family to us. They were respectful and kind, but they were also firm.”

After earning an education degree at Johnson C. Smith University, Hoey completed her student teaching at Second Ward under the supervision of her Second Ward High School social studies teacher Queen Green.

“At first it was frightening,” Hoey says, “but she made sure that I remembered all that she had taught me.”

“I think of Second Ward High School as a citadel of learning,” Harris says.

A retired educator like Hoey, Harris taught at Myers Street Elementary School before serving six years as an elementary school principal in CMS then working at Educational Testing Services in Princeton, New Jersey.

Harris also remembers remarkable teachers at Second Ward High School, citing her chemistry teacher Mr. Levi.

“He [said he] expected us to know 100 chemical elements by the next day. I don’t think he really expected us to know them, but he wanted to make a point that those symbols were critical to understanding chemistry and being a good student.”

Harris’ band teacher, L. Augustus Page, taught students the importance of learning to play multiple

SECOND WARD HIGH SCHOOL OPENED IN 1923 AS COLORED HIGH SCHOOL AND WAS SOON THEREAFTER RENAMED.

PHOTO COURTESY OF SWHSAA

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

instruments instead of just one. As a result, Harris mastered clarinet, saxophone and piano.

“Mr. Jones taught journalism and Mrs. Wilson taught English,” Harris recalls. “Together, they suggested that one needs to learn how to speak and how to write. Those two things will take you far in life.”

Griffin calls the Second Ward High School teachers extraordinary.

“They wanted to make sure that we could compete no matter where we landed,” Griffin says. “Because [the country] was segregated, they knew that we had to be twice as good.”

Griffin says he’ll never forget Miss Lucile McKay, his 7th grade language arts teacher.

“She was probably 4 foot 3 [inches] tall, and she would bring smoke in the classroom.”

Griffin recalls McKay calling him up to the blackboard every day to diagram sentences.

“That’s a small snippet of the standards’ of excellence that each and every one of my teachers provided for us,” Griffin says. “They knew that they were planting a seed of a shady tree that they would never sit under, but they wanted to make sure that we were able to sit under that tree once we matriculated and went through life.”

In its 46 years as a brick-and-mortar institution, Second Ward High School hosted luminaries like Jackie Robinson and George Washington Carver. Illustrious graduates include Frederick Douglas Alexander, the first African American to serve on Charlotte’s City Council since reconstruction. Alexander graduated in 1926. Duke University Law professor James Coleman graduated from Second Ward High School in 1965. Lt. Fred Lorenzo Brewer Jr. graduated from Second Ward in 1938. One of the Tuskegee Airmen, Lt. Brewer and his fighter plane disappeared in 1944 while on a mission to escort 15th Army Air Force bombers over Germany.

Keeping Second Ward’s Legacy Alive

The seemingly secretive and rushed decision to demolish Second Ward High School — along with Brooklyn — caught many by surprise, Griffin says.

“Because [of the] civil rights [movement] … the government was acting like they wanted to move towards a more equitable environment,” Griffin says.

A 1967 plan called for Second Ward to be renovated and renamed.

“For my last years in high school, all we were talking about was the new Second Ward High School. We went as far as having a contest to name the new school,” Griffin says.

Although a final name of Metropolitan High School had been chosen by local government, it would never be used. In 1969, Charlotte’s school board voted without notice to close Second Ward High School.

“It was not anticipated,” Griffin says. “It was shocking.”

“City fathers talked about urban renewal, but it was urban removal.” Harris says. “[They] promised that Second Ward would be rebuilt, and the city fathers reneged on that promise.”

The demolition of Second Ward High School took place among a much wider swath of destruction.

“We hear about Brooklyn, but they also tore down First Ward,” Griffin says. “I lived in a shotgun house in First Ward. They tore that down and moved me to public housing.”

Second Ward High School students were bussed to previously all-white schools to achieve racial integration.

“They were scattered to the winds,” Griffin says. “They were nomads, like the Israelites out in the middle of nowhere trying to find their home.”

As for Brooklyn, everything was soon gone — churches, corner shops, doctor’s offices and schools.

“I don’t think we recovered from losing our homeland,” says Griffin.

Hoey remembers walking where Brooklyn once stood, trying to find where her house used to be.

“Brooklyn was the foundation for so many people, a community of strong businesses,” Hoey says. “Everybody was proud to be a member of the community. When I had to leave Brooklyn, it broke my heart.”

Yet out of the ashes, a phoenix emerged in the form of the Second Ward High School National Alumni Foundation.

“The school’s last graduating class was in 1969,” Griffin says. “In 1973, just 4 years after the last class, a group of graduates got together to say, ‘We need to continue this legacy.’”

Griffin points out that 2023 is the 100th anniversary of Second Ward High School’s opening, but it is also the 50th anniversary of the founding of the alumni foundation. Since Labor Day weekend of 1980, the foundation has held a Second Ward High School reunion every year except for 2020 and 2021, says Griffin.

“For 43 years we have held a national reunion to recognize, reflect and continue the legacy of Second Ward High School,” Griffin says.

The foundation has established the Second Ward Alumni House as an all-volunteer staffed interpretive museum, where the public can see artifacts from Second Ward High School.

The foundation has also organized the Second Ward High School centennial celebrations, and does

so much more, Hoey says.

“We have worked with students,” says Hoey, who along with Harris and Griffin is a dues-paying member of the foundation. “We’ve done community outreach. We’ve tutored students. We have worked with social services, and with people in assisted living.”

The foundation also offers an annual scholarship and awards for area high school seniors.

All of this, says Hoey, is part of the foundation’s mission to keep the legacy of Second Ward High School alive.

Harris points out, however, that while the foundation is making every attempt to keep the spirit of Second Ward High School relevant, it’s becoming an increasingly difficult task as aging alumni are not being replaced by younger members.

“What we do is to share with this generation and future generations what excellence, grit, resilience

and innovation looks like, with the hope that our story will inspire and motivate those generations coming after us,” he says. “As we’re aging out, we’re trying to find legacies, children of graduates, who are interested in carrying on that story.”

“We’re working so that Second Ward will not be forgotten,” says Hoey.

Even as a new Second Ward High School will be voted on as part of a $9.2-billion CMS bond referendum in November, keeping the legacy of the old Second Ward High School current and compelling remains the purpose of the foundation. The school building may be torn down, but the ideals, values and hope for the future embodied by Second Ward High School’s story still exerts a powerful hold on the imagination.

“Promises might have been broken, but Second Ward will never be broken,” Hoey says.

PMORAN@QCNERVE.COM

Fall Arts Guide 2023

Let’s chill

Don’t think of what we just experienced as the hottest summer of your life, think of it as the coolest summer of the rest of your life! Climate crisis jokes aside, we’ve got 100+ ways for you to slip into the chill season the right way with our annual Fall Arts Guide, presented by the Charlotte International Arts Festival.

The Institutions

Harvey B. Gantt Center for AfricanAmerican Arts + Culture

551 S. Tryon St.; ganttcenter.org

EXHIBITS

SEEING STARS: Works from the Fischer/Shull Collection of Contemporary Art (On view now through Sept. 24)

Stephanie J. Woods: where the sun shines (On view now through Oct. 29)

my Presence is Present: interpretations of afrosurrealism from the American South (On view now through Jan. 15, 2024)

Kennedi Carter: Sight Unseen (On view Oct. 6, 2023-Jan. 15, 2024)

EVENTS

Sept. 19, 21, 26, + 28: Open Studio Oasis

Sept. 20: Intro to Augmented Reality

Sept. 27: DecOHde

Sept. 27: Sights and Sounds of Self-Care: Youth & Family Workshop

Oct. 18: my Presence is Present Catalog Launch & Reading

Charlotte Museum of History

3500 Shamrock Drive; charlottemuseum.org

Sept. 24: Independencia de Guatemala

Sept. 28: “Yes Ma’am” Mad About Modern Tour

Kickoff Celebration

Sept. 29: A Taste for History D.A.R. 125th

Celebration & Fundraiser

Sept. 30: 2023 Mad About Modern Home Tour

Oct. 21: Criss Cross Mango Sauce - El Día de los Muertos

Dec. 2: ¡Celebra! with Criss Cross Mangosauce: A Bilingual Family Holiday Concert

McColl Center for Visual Art

721 N. Tryon St.; mccollcenter.org

Sept. 25: Artist Entrepreneurship: Artist Statement

101 With Jonell Logan

Oct. 21-22: Big Ink + Zine Fest

The Mint Museum - Randolph

2730 Randolph Road; mintmuseum.org

Sept. 22: Members Only Preview | Walter Scott

Lenox and American Belleek

Sept. 22: Potters Market at the Mint — VIP Preview

Party

Sept. 23: Potters Market at the Mint

Sept. 24: Party in the Park

Oct. 5: Free Art Kits

Oct. 15: Walter Scott Lenox and American Belleek

Opening Celebration

Oct. 15: Walter Scott Lenox and American Belleek

Discussion

Oct. 18: Drop In Art at Mint Randolph

Nov. 1: Free Art Kits

Nov. 12: Double Feature Sunday

The Mint Museum - Uptown

5000 N. Tryon St.; mintmuseum.org

Sept. 21: ArtBreak

Oct. 6: Mint 2 Move Cultural Dance Night

Oct. 18: Mindful Looking: The Art of Seating

Dec. 9: Craft Across Continents Opening Celebration

Knight Theater

430 S. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org

Sept. 22: Leela James

Sept. 24: Project: Full Out!

Sept. 29: Angélique Kidjo

Sept. 30: This Land Is My Land: Here from Afar

Oct. 1: Toad the Wet Sprocket

Oct. 6-8: Charlotte Symphony: Beethoven’s Eroica

Oct. 9: Switchfoot

Oct. 13: St. Paul & The Broken Bones

Oct. 14: Tosco Music Party

Oct. 15: The Sound of (Black) Music

Oct. 20-22: Charlotte Symphony: Chopin’s Piano

Concerto No. 2

Oct. 24: George Thorgood and the Destroyers

Oct. 27: Charlotte Symphony: Cody Fry Live in Concert

Nov. 3-5: Cookin’

Nov. 10-11: Charlotte Symphony: The Hot Sardines

MITCH LOWE

FANTASTIC PLANET

PHOTO COURTESY OF GANTT CENTER

VIEWING SHANEQUA GAY’S ‘DAUGHTERS OF METROPOLITAN,’ 2022

PRESENTED BY

ARTS FEATURE

Nov. 11: Charlotte Symphony: Sherlock Holmes and The Case of The Missing Maestro

Nov. 12: Rumours of Fleetwood Mac

Nov. 15: The 7 Fingers

Nov. 16: Brian Culberston

Nov. 25: American Girl Live!

Nov. 27: A Mowtown Christmas

Dec. 1-3: Charlotte Symphony: Handel’s Messiah

Dec. 8: Charlotte Symphony: Soulful Christmas

Dec. 10: Charlotte Symphony: A Very Thorgy Christmas

Dec. 15-17: Charlotte Symphony: Holiday Pops

Dec. 18: Tosco Music Holiday Party

Dec. 20-23: Charlotte Symphony: Cirque De Noel

Booth Playhouse

130 N. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org

Sept. 24: Sincerely, Charlotte

Sept. 30 - Oct 1: Bella Gaia

Oct. 3: Snow White

Oct. 5: TAN Made [I] US Tour

Oct. 6-7: Jazz Room Special Edition: Joshua Redman Group

Oct. 15: Misfit

Oct. 20: Mike Phillips

Oct. 21: 2023 MidAtlantic Classic

Oct. 27: Future Languages

Oct. 28: Funny Godmothers

Nov. 4-5: Sunset Boulevard

Nov. 17: Depths of Wikipedia Live!

Nov. 29: Christmas With the Petersens

Dec. 16: Noel & Maria

Dec. 18: Jim Brickman

Belk Theater

130 N. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org

Sept. 20: Charlotte Symphony: An Evening with Renée Fleming

Sept. 27-Oct 8: MJ

Oct. 11: Nurse Blake

Oct. 13: Jesus Christ Superstar

Oct. 17-22: Funny Girl

Oct. 28-Nov. 2: Opera Carolina - Pagliacci w/ Cavalleria Rusticana

Nov. 7-12: The Wiz

Nov. 17-18: Charlotte’s Symphony: Verdi’s Requiem

Nov. 21-26: Company

Dec. 2: Mannheim Steamroller Christmas

Dec. 3: Sarah Brightman

Dec. 8-23: Charlotte Ballet Nutcracker

Stage Door Theater

155 N. College St.; blumenthalarts.org

Sept. 21-23: Tablao Flamenco

Oct. 14: Semler

Oct. 27-29: Six Chick Flicks

Nov. 4: Saxophonist Kim Waters

Dec. 2: Gina’s Annual Christmas Benefit Concert for the Salvation Army

Children’s Theatre of Charlotte; ImaginOn, 300 E. 7th St.; ctcharlotte.org

Sept. 22-Oct. 22: Narnia The Musical (McColl Family Theatre)

Sept. 30-Oct 1: Costume Shop Sale (Wells Fargo Playhouse)

Oct. 7-8: Tired Souls: The Montgomery Bus Boycott (Wells Fargo Playhouse)

Nov. 4-19: Life Doesn’t Frighten Me (Wells Fargo Playhouse)

Nov. 17-Dec 22: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever: The Musical (McColl Family Theatre)

Nov. 30-Dec 2: Winter Wonderland Shop (Wells Fargo Playhouse)

Charlotte Ballet II charlotteballet.org

Oct. 5-28: Breaking Boundaries w/ Ohad Naharin

Between July 3-December 13, Charlotte Ballet is offering a new session of free weekly drop-in classes. All the classes are sponsored by Culture Blocks, and the classes are open to all ages and skill levels.

Dance For All Abilities

Mondays through Dec. 11, 1-2 p.m.

Marion Diehl Recreation Center, 2219 Tyvola Road

This class will be virtual AND in-person beginning September 11

Senior Dance Class

Tuesdays through Dec. 12, 12-1 p.m.

Sugaw Creek Recreation Center, 943 W. Sugar Creek Road

Fitness Dance Class

Wednesdays through Dec. 13, 6-7 p.m.

Berewick Recreation Center, 5910 Dixie River Road

PHOTO BY JOHN MERRICK

CHILDREN’S THEATRE OF CHARLOTTE’S ‘THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER’

PHOTO COURTESY OF THEATRE CHARLOTTE THEATRE CHARLOTTE’S ‘THE WIZARD OF OZ’

PHOTO BY BRINKHOFF MOGENBURG ‘COMPANY’

PRESENTED BY

ARTS FEATURE Miscellaneous

Events

30 different vintage vendors. More: Free; Sept. 24, 11 a.m.-8 p.m.; Optimist Hall, 1115 N Brevard St; optimisthall.com/events

Independents

Theatre Charlotte

501 Queens Road, theatrecharlotte.org

Sept. 8-24: The Wizard of Oz

Oct. 27- Nov. 13: Baskerville

Festival In The Park

Festival In The Park has truly been a Charlotte staple for the last 60 years, with incredible music, art, food, and a breathtaking sight of the tent lights reflecting on the lake.

More: Free; Sept. 22-24, times vary; Freedom Park; 1908 East Blvd; festivalinthepark.org

Charlotte Film Festival

Back for its 20th annual event, The Charlotte Film Festival continues to celebrate emerging filmmakers and enthusiasts of independent film.

More: Prices TBD; Sept. 27-Oct 1; The Independent Picture House, 4237 Raleigh Street; https:// filmfreeway.com/CharlotteFilmFestival

Breakaway Festival 2023

The EDM forward-based music festival is coming to Charlotte’s racetracks with a lineup featuring DeadMau5, Night Tales, Ship Wrek and Zedd.

More: Prices vary; Sept. 29-30; Charlotte Motor Speedway; 5555 Concord Pkwy S; breakawayfestival.com

Hola Charlotte Festival

Hola’s 11th annual festival celebrates Latin American culture with dance performances, music, cultural traditions, and learning about different cultures with different booths.

More: Oct. 7, noon-6 p.m.; Uptown; holacharlottefestival.com

Hippie Fest

Join the free-spirits with live music, bohemian shopping, a vintage hippie car show, DIY tie-dye and more at the grassroots festival that spreads peace and love.

More: $20-30; Oct. 14-15, noon-7 p.m.; Rowan County Fairgrounds, 1560 Julian Road; visitrowancountync.com/event/hippie-fest/10440/

Three Bone Theatre;

The Arts Factory at West End Studios, 1545 W. Trade St.; threebonetheatre.com

Nov. 3-18: The Lehman Trilogy

Matthews Playhouse

Fullwood Theatre, 100 E. McDowell St., Matthews; matthewsplayhouse.com

Sept. 22-24: Speakeasy

Oct. 13-22: Disney’s Finding Nemo Jr.

Dec. 8-17: Scrooge! The Musical

Charlotte’s Off Broadway

VAPA Center, 700 N. Tryon St.; charlottesoffbroadway. com

Nov. 2-19: THANKSGIVING: 2016

The 27th Annual Festival of India 2023

Organized by the India Association of Charlotte, the Annual Festival of India will have performances, exhibits, an art gallery, a street market, a food court, and a kid’s art pavilion.

More: Free for kids under age 10, $5; Sept. 23, noon8 p.m.; Uptown; indiafestival.iacofcarolinas.org

Latin American Festival

The 33rd annual Latin American Festival will represent over 19 countries in Latin America and returns with musical acts, savory cuisine, an authentic marketplace and more as part of the Charlotte International Arts Festival.

More: Free; Sept. 23, noon; The Amp Ballantyne; 11115 Upper Ave; charlotteartsfest.com/events

Charlotte Vintage Market

A day full of curated pieces and killer grails from

The 2nd Annual BayHaven Food & Wine Festival

A five day celebration of Black Foodways while aiming to raise awareness of Black culinary experts and acknowledge those who leave an impact in the hospitality industry.

More: $65 and up; Oct. 4-8; Camp North End, 1824 Statesville Ave; bayhavenfoodandwine.com

Carolina Balloon Fest

Whether you’re watching or riding, enjoy the sights of hot air balloons over the rolling fields of Statesville.

More: $25-$300; Oct. 20, 3-8:30 p.m.; Oct. 21, 7 a.m.-8:30 p.m.; Oct. 22, 7 a.m.-6 p.m.; Statesville Regional Airport, 260 Hangar Drive; carolinaballoonfest.com

ARIC THOMPSON

FELA! THE CONCERT

FESTIVAL OF INDIA

PRESENTED BY

ARTS FEATURE Concerts

BEST OF THE FEST

What to do at the Charlotte International Arts Festival

The second annual Charlotte International Arts Festival kicks off on Sept. 15 and runs through Oct. 8. With more than 200 attractions packed into those three weeks, it can be overwhelming to try to plan for what to catch.

We’ve picked out a handful of art installations, concerts, and interactive attractions to check for during this year’s festival.

To learn more visit charlotteartsfest.com.

Art Installations

Aqueous Location: Ballantyne’s Backyard

Built by Brooklyn-based artist Jen Lewin, Aqueous is a sequence of interactive LED platforms that form trails of light. During the day, the sculpture shifts in color and reflection, mirroring the sky, while at night it glows in full illuminated interactivity.

Inspired by the symmetry in natural systems, Aqueous is one of the first pattern-based sculptures built at this scale. Composed of hundreds of interactive modular platforms derived from the Golden Ratio, the sculpture can be installed in multiple configurations. Each platform is controlled by code written by Lewin, allowing them to sense human interaction individually but also to link to each other to form interconnected pathways of light effects.

Gaia

Location: Founders Hall

Named Best Public Art by a Visiting Artist in our 2021 Best in the Nest issue when it popped up in Founders Hall as part of that year’s Charlotte SHOUT!, Gaia returns as part of this year’s Charlotte International Arts Festival. Created by renowned British installation artist Luke Jerram, the huge floating globe was meant to allow viewers to see Earth as it appears from the moon while serving as a reminder of the need to protect our planet.

Measuring 7 meters in diameter, the installation was created from 120 DPI detailed imagery of the Earth’s surface shot by NASA.

Sky of Bubbles

Location: Levine Avenue of the Arts

The Sky of Bubbles is part of Atelier Sisu’s Ephemeral Collection. Ephemera is an adjective, meaning the quality of being fleeting or vanishing quickly; impermanence. The installation is an immersive, light and sound temporary environment that aims to capture the concept of ephemerality and transience in visual form: the bubble.

The artwork was inspired by the COVID-19 pandemic, when the world stopped and everything we took for granted started to disappear. Atelier Sisu endeavored to communicate this feeling of transient beauty, and the need to live in the moment through the idea of the bubble.

Ruthie Foster

Sept. 15, 8 p.m.; $29.50 and up Location: Booth Playhouse

Ruthie Foster’s ninth studio album represents a new high water mark for the veteran blues artist — a collection of songs possessing pure power, like a tidal wave of musical generosity. Healing Time finds Foster pushing her boundaries as a singer and songwriter more than ever before, creating a truly live-sounding atmosphere with the help of her band, who sound refreshingly loose and lived-in throughout these 12 songs.

Kim Milan

Sept. 16 & 30, 2 p.m.; Free Location: Levine Avenue of the Arts

Enjoy the angelic frequencies of sound, instrumented by Kim Milan. There is a place between thought and action where we can find our center, harmony. Kim Milan channels this calm through vocal toning and song while accompanied by various sound healing instruments.

FELA! The Concert

Sept. 16, 8 p.m.; $50 and up Location: Ballantyne’s Backyard

Full of energy and in constant motion, Fela! The Concert radiates joy through the sensual, eclectic sounds and powerful lyrics of Fela Kuti, the founding father of Afrobeat, proving why he became one of the world’s most celebrated music legends. Set against a soaring canvas of projected images, Fela! The Concert is driven by the electrifying rhythms from a live Afrobeat band, with singers and dancers who bring to life Fela’s provocative spirit.

Interactive Attractions

Charlotte Chess Center

Sept. 15, 4:30 p.m.; Sept. 23, noon; Sept. 23, 4 p.m.; Sept. 29, 4:30 p.m.; Free

Location: Levine Avenue of the Arts

Grab a drink and join Charlotte Chess Center at the Oktoberfest Biergarten to play chess and learn from the professionals. Chess boards will be provided and chess coaches will be onsite to provide guidance and competition.

Birdmen

Dates & times vary; Free

Location: Ballantyne’s Backyard

Huge illuminated animals rove the streets. These flying animals are operated by mysterious men. We, humans, are unnoticed by these creatures. Are they living in another dimension and what is their reason to invade our streets?

Gazillion Bubble Show

Sept. 15, 6:30 p.m.; Sept. 16, 11 a.m.; Sept. 16, 2 p.m.; $29.50 and up

Location: Knight Theater

Behold the enchanting world of silly, soapy fun from world-famous bubble artist Deni Yang. Come watch mesmerizing bubbles dance to the rhythm of high-energy lights, lasers, and music and you immerse yourself in this magical bubble wonderland, promising fun for all ages.

MORGAN SASSER

AQUEOUS

ARIC THOMPSON FELA! THE CONCERT

PHOTO COURTESY CIAF

BIRDMEN

PRESENTED BY

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Coheed & Cambria (The Fillmore)

Fiends w/ Greve, Forever We Roam, Alpha Strain, Lilith

Rising (The Milestone)

Tenaious D (PNC Music Pavilion)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Ayra Starr (The Underground)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Ryan & Woody (Goldie’s)

CHRISTIAN/GOSPEL/RELIGIOUS

Medicine Singers w/ Daikaiju, Tongues of Fire (Snug Harbor)

OPEN MIC

Tosco Music Open Mic (Evening Muse)

Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Big Richard w/ Into the Fog (Evening Muse)

Sunset Revival w/ Simple Sole (Goldie’s)

X w/ Squirrel Nut Zippers (Neighborhood Theatre)

Joseph Mathis w/ Eli Winter, Mark Mathis (Petra’s)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Dougie Poole w/ Tonstartssbandht, The Simplicity (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Chlöe (The Fillmore)

Soulja Boy (The Underground)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Zappa Night (Birdsong Brewing)

Fela! Community Cue (Camp North End)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Bez Obmezhen (Amos’ Southend)

JAZZ/BLUES

Ziad Rabie (Middle C Jazz)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 8

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)

The L.A. Maybe w/ Ryan Trotti (Goldie’s)

Lola Kirke w/ Molly Martin, Fo Daniels (Snug Harbor)

Sashimi w/ Double Helix, Bassarid (Tommy’s Pub)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Kendra Morris (Evening Muse)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

James McMurtry w/ BettySoo (Evening Muse)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Caamp (Skyla Amphitheater)

Courtney Lynn & Quinn w/ Darby Wilcox, Dani Kerr (Visulite Theatre)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Emo Night (The Milestone)

Azul (Petra’s)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Ivan Cornejo (Ovens Auditorium)

Bakalao Stars w/ Tali Roots (Camp North End)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

The Smokin’ J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 9

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Thursday (The Underground)

The Hellfire Choir w/ Bog Loaf, Jiu-Jitsu, Dollhaver (The Milestone)

Pet Bug w/ The Orderlys, SWAE (Petra’s)

Model/Actriz w/ Mindvac (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

LL Cool J (Spectrum Center)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Frute w/ Gus Glasser & The Forecast (Evening Muse)

Blind Joy (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

Universal Funk Orchestra (Thomas Street Tavern)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Wade Bowen (Coyote Joe’s)

Outlaw Music Festival (PNC Music Pavilion)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Nathan Harris (Comet Grill)

Kat VanFossen Duo (Primal Brewery)

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Delain (The Underground)

Bishop Briggs w/ MisterWives (The Fillmore)

Overgrown Throne w/ Sultry, RAATMA, Beauty (The Milestone)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Jonathan Birchfield (Goldie’s)

Chris McGinnis (Primal Brewery)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Lucas Jagneaux & The Roadshow (Evening Muse)

Charlotte Bluegrass Mondays (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Jerry Joseph & the Jackmormons (Heist Brewery)

OPEN MIC

Sunday Open Mic (Starlight on 22nd)

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11

JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)

OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Dru Billions (Evening Muse)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)

Once Below Joy w/ Jonah Leatherman, Troubleshoot (The Milestone)

Nickelback (PNC Music Pavilion)

The Body w/ Troller, Dead Times, Adam Cope (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Lil Baby (Spectrum Center)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Brad Thomas (Goldie’s)

OPEN MIC

Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Weyes Blood (The Fillmore)

Quinton Gibson & April Cushman (Goldie’s)

No Cure w/ Beshiba, Shanked (The Milestone)

William Matheny (Neighborhood Theatre)

Public Circuit w/ Joshua Cotterino, The Mother Superior (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Son Little w/ Tre. Charles (Visulite Theatre)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Shindig! 50’s and 60’s Dance Party w/ Cory Wigg & Robin Knudsen (Tommy’s Pub)

OPEN MIC

Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Kevin Goodwin w/ Marissa Missing, Bri Stoohs, Fitzgerald (The Milestone)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Pluto 4 Planet w/ Caleb Davis (Goldie’s)

Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

JAZZ/BLUES

Queens Court (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Tail Light Rebellion w/ Swamp Rats (Tommy’s Pub)

ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER

Ben Mignogna (Comet Grill)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

ODESZA (PNC Music Pavilion)

Desmond Myers w/ Lippy, Jason Scavone (Snug Harbor)

OPEN MIC

Carolina Waves Showcase and Open Mic (Evening Muse)

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)

Temperance League w/ DB Edmunds (Evening Muse)

The Wonder Years (The Fillmore)

D.R.I. w/ Deathwish (The Milestone)

The Nude Party w/ Lady Apple Tree (Neighborhood Theatre)

It’s Snakes w/ Brut Beat (Snug Harbor)

Mud Tea (Thomas Street Tavern)

JAZZ/BLUES

Carlos Henriquez (Stage Door Theater)

Ruthie Foster (Booth Playhouse)

Vanessa Collier w/ Red Dress Amy (Camp North End)

Jeff Bradshaw (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Demun Jones (Coyote Joe’s)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Distracted Eyes w/ The Great Indoors, Quinn Rash (Petra’s) Boombox w/ The Wormholes (Visulite Theatre)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Joe McGovern w/ Alexa Jenson (Evening Muse)

AU 79 w/ Rod Fiske (Goldie’s)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Durand Bernarr (The Underground)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

The Council Ring (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Ben Gatlin Band (Comet Grill)

Sometime in February w/ Challenger Deep, Auralayer, Momophobia (The Milestone)

Two Eyes Open w/ Neptune Flyer, gogoPilot (The Rooster)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Cuzo Key w/ Shame Gang, CapitalQ, E Dub (Snug Harbor)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Clay Street Unit w/ Rachel Baiman, Ashtyn Barbaree (Amos’ Southend)

JAZZ/BLUES

Carlos Henriquez (Stage Door Theater)

Jeff Kashiwa (Middle C Jazz)

Duwayne Burnside (Thomas Street Tavern)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Noah Cyrus (The Underground)

The Astronomers w/ Jady, Drod (Neighborhood Theatre)

Reflexions Goth Dance Party w/ DJ Velvetine & DJ Sanity

Ana (Tommy’s Pub)

ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER

Chris Trapper (Evening Muse)

Lisa DeNovo w/ Jake HaldenVang (Goldie’s)

Elonzo Wesley (Primal Brewery)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

9 Day Trip (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

17

Boys Like Girls (The Fillmore)

Benz.Birdz. w/ Space Lazers, Wet Basement Project (The Milestone)

Cam Cole w/ Arthur Buezo (Neighborhood Theatre)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)

Tiffany Blu (Middle C Jazz)

SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC

Elliot Morgan w/ Mike Ramsey (Goldie’s)

OPEN MIC

Sunday Open Mic (Starlight on 22nd)

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Victoria Monét (The Fillmore)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Charlotte Bluegrass Mondays (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse Open MIC featuring David Segovia CHRISTIAN/GOSPEL/RELIGIOUS

Hulvey (Neighborhood Theatre)

VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING.

THE CONNECTOR

SkinnyJay keeps his mind on the creative process during cancer battle

BY RYAN PITKIN

Sitting inside Archive CLT in a shopping center at the corner of Beatties Ford Road and LaSalle Street, it would be impossible to tell that Javarian Holley had come directly from chemotherapy.

Nearly a year after he was diagnosed with ocular melanoma following the discovery of 10 small tumors surrounding his right eye socket, chemo had brought the number down to four.

Sitting in the coffee shop and bookstore in Charlotte’s Historic West End that late-August afternoon, just two days after celebrating his 35th birthday party, Holley, known in local arts and music scenes as SkinnyJay, was as interested in talking about his friends as he was himself.

“Just seeing my different friends do things, like we’re in Archive right now to where Cheryse … that was like one of the first creatives who I met here in Charlotte,” he says, referring to Archive owner and founder Cheryse Terry. “I remember when Cheryse told me she was going to do something like this, and to see it over 10 years and to happen to be a part of this is the beautiful part.”

It’s not a surprise that Holley wants to have a conversation about what his friends have accomplished. He’s quite literally built a brand around it.

Holley is perhaps best known for SkinnyJay & Friends, a series of parties he launched through his LLC CreativityxCollaboration that serves as a platform for his fellow creatives in the Charlotte scene — rappers, visual artists, photographers and the like whom Holley has connected with during his time in Charlotte since moving here from Los Angeles about 10 years ago.

“I can be behind the scenes or be in front, but also taking that creativity to help others with a collaboration is what it’s about,” Holley said of his goals with CreativityxCollaboration. “So not just

looking at it like, ‘Oh, I win something from it.’ We all win. And it’s just honestly seeing us all develop and grow from the collaboration piece.”

Now after a decade of networking for, collaborating with and connecting creatives in Charlotte’s different scenes, it’s that same community that has come to his side as he battles cancer.

“It’s beautiful,” he said of the support. “Shout out to my friends and just everybody, because they check up on me every day — I get a call from somebody or a message on Instagram.”

Because what would SkinnyJay & Friends be without the friends?

The journey

Describing his journey as a “South Central native by way of Charlotte,” Holley grew up in Los Angeles but regularly traveled cross-country to visit family in the Queen City.

His passion for collaboration was born of a humanitarian tradition that ran through his family. From a young age, he remembered visiting the infamous Skid Row encampment in Los Angeles to deliver meals to folks living there.

“If somebody’s giving back in Skid Row, you can always give back anywhere, through anything, and for me

that means to really support and just champion,” he explained. “I’m going to be your cheerleader if you don’t have one, or if you think nobody’s ever supporting you, I’m going to support your music. I’m going to repost. If you have something going on, I’m that person who’s really going to champion you and see the beauty of what you’re doing.”

Alongside his family, he credits late Los Angelesbased rapper Nipsey Hussle with inspiring his love for community. Holley interned with Nipsey before moving permanently to Charlotte and says the rapper was instrumental in shaping his worldview.

“He really embodied community, just from our neighborhood, and that was one of the people who I would say helped me with community, too — to say, ‘Okay, this is your tribe, so stay with your tribe, but then you can go outside of your tribe to really give back.’”

Holley moved to Charlotte sometime after 2010, though he can’t pinpoint the exact time because he had spent so much time going back and forth between cities that he already felt like a resident here.

He began visiting arts and music venues to explore the local scenes, though he had trouble breaking out of his introverted shell.

He met local R&B singer Autumn Rainwater while browsing at the now-closed Buffalo Exchange thrift shop in Plaza Midwood, and from there began

regularly visiting events at BLK MRKT and Dupp & Swat, two neighboring venues at Camp North End that platform Black artists and cultivate hip-hop culture in Charlotte.

“I was a loner,” he recalled. “I knew people but just really wouldn’t talk. I’d go to these venues and just scope it out, but that was just me being from LA and having my guard up, but then finally letting that guard down.”

Holley’s career in modeling began as a way to connect his passion for streetwear fashion with his devotion to touting his friends’ accomplishments.

“I wear a lot of stuff owned by my friends who make clothing or different things,” he said. “So I was like, ‘How can I give them exposure just to give them their flowers?’ So it was just me modeling their clothes and just taking streetwear pictures out and about. And then when somebody asks me, ‘Oh, what you got on?’ I just give them their information and it spreads throughout.”

He has dabbled in music management, first working as manager for local lyricist Tecoby Hines and now with rapper Cozzy, who moved to Charlotte from Pensacola, Florida.

Holley hosted his first SkinnyJay & Friends party in 2019, but was made to put it on hiatus rather quickly due to the pandemic. As restrictions began to peel back, he decided to host them more regularly, inviting friends in the music scene to

SKINNYJAY (RIGHT) AT HIS BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION AT BLK MRKT ON AUG. 26.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN

MUSIC FEATURE

perform while friends in the visual arts scene were given the chance to showcase their work.

“I feel like it’s bridging in that gap,” he said. “SkinnyJay isn’t music versus the creativity, but it’s bringing it all together.”

The battle

Holley learned of his cancer diagnosis following a routine eye appointment in fall 2022. The vision in his right eye had been suffering, but the eye doctor couldn’t find the problem so they sent him to a specialist at an ear, nose and throat office to take X-rays.

After receiving the news, his mind went in search of silver linings, as its wont to do.

“I couldn’t believe it at first, but then at the same time, it’s just me taking it into, ‘Okay, what’s the proper steps to what we have to do?’ They explained it to me and made me feel super welcome, and that’s what made me think, ‘You know what? I can really get through this.’

“It’s just something I got to fight through as a person that’s going to champion me to inspire others who are going through this or have somebody going through this just to say, ‘Hey, I’ve been through this experience.”

In the time since his diagnosis, Holley has tried to slow down his lifestyle a bit, pulling back from his normal work ethic, which he described as “I had to be everywhere.” He still works his full-time job in retail, but on doctor’s orders has slowed down on some of the side hustles while he fights cancer and recovers.

“It kind of grounded me to like, hey, sometimes you can sit at home and just relax, read a book, just study up on your craft,” he said.

Not only has he studied up on his craft, he’s picked up a new one. Holley’s Aug. 26 birthday edition of Skinnyjay & Friends was his first time DJing in public, a new trade he’s picked up during his post-chemo relaxation time.

“I ended up buying me a [sound]board and I just started playing around with it,” he said. “It just keeps me busy on the days that I’m done with chemo. It just keeps me jazzed. Because they say you get sluggish

and stuff, but it just really keeps me up. I listen to music all day … and I like sounds a lot, so I like beats, so it was just one of the things I was like, ‘You know what, I’m going to be a DJ. That could be something.’”

He remains inspired by friends, whether it’s through messages sent directly to him or through music made by folks like Cuzo Key, Elevator Jay, Autumn Rainwater and Yung Citizen (you can view his Chemo Playlist, made exclusively for Queen City Nerve, below).

He has tried to stay transparent about his battle, often making update posts with headings like “Skinny Jay vs. Cancer,” not only to remain an inspiration for others who may have similar struggles but to thank the friends that have helped him through the fight thus far.

He said he has no plans to launch a GoFundMe or ask for any help in his battle beyond the support he’s already received.

“I just to want say, ‘Hey, thank you for being there,’ because on good or bad days when I’m in chemo, I’m listening to my friend’s music or I’m just twiddling on my phone, just thinking of creative things,” he said. “But the creative aspect of CreativityxCollaboration helps me keep going.

“So it’s not just, ‘Oh, I’m in here with cancer.’ Yeah, I’m hooked up to an IV, but at the same time, I’m in there on my phone jotting down notes on what I want to do next or what artists I want to work with or I’m reaching out to different people to plan collaborations.”

Because what would a community be without collaboration?

RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM

Three bands view great American music genres through a lysergic yet dance-friendly lens. Clarksville, Tennessee psych/Americana outfit Still Moves has mastered the fine art of embracing the spaces between the notes. On “Southside” cantering country-rock guitar coils over spare yet snappy percussion and moody melodic vocals that nod to a folkloric southland. Charlotte-based Funkwando’s funk grooves slip into the sweet spot between psychedelic swing and swaggering road house. Queen City combo Wet Basement Project’s “Scars” couples the authentic sashaying kick of Southern ’80s alternative — think Dreams So Real/Love Tractor — with angst-ridden emo.

More: $7-$10; Sept. 8, 7 p.m.; Bart’s Mart, 3042 Eastway Drive; facebook.com/Bartsmart.clt

9/6

COMEDY NIGHT ALL-STAR EDITION

Hosted by 2022 Queen City Nerve Comedian of the Year Jordan Centry, Comedy Night All-Stars holds a special edition of Comedy Night featuring the past four years of Comedian of the Year winners in our annual year-end issue. Tara Brown, Shaine Laine, Don Garrett, Jason Allen King and Tyrone Burston will star and show newcomers how it’s done in the two-hour comedy show. Aspiring comedians will get also their chance with an open mic portion and sign-ups starting at 7 p.m., and maybe they’ll see their name in one of our ucoming Best in the Nest issues in the years to come.

More: $10; Sept. 7, 7:30 p.m.; Starlight on 22nd; 422 East 22nd Street; tinyurl.com/CLTComedyAllStars

thurs sun wed SAT 9/9 9/8

wed 9/7 9/10 9/13

2023 ARTPOP UPCYCLED FASHION SHOW

ArtPop’s 10th annual fundraiser and Upcycled Fashion Show challenges the skills of 14 upcycle designers — including one youth student artist — to transform ArtPop artist billboards into couture fashion items. The organization’s initiative to keep vinyl out of Charlotte landfills manifested itself in a unique, sustainable project for local creatives to take on. The Cities Program turns original artwork by regional artists into billboards then retires and repurposes them on a different kind of runway. Tickets are priced separately for general admission and VIP access to the fashion show.

More: $95-$150; Sept. 9, 6 p.m.; Lenny Boy Brewing Co.; 3000 South Tryon St.; tinyurl.com/Upcycled2023

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN BARK DOG SHOW

Stand For Animals’ 7th annual So You Think You Can Bark event showcases eight pet-testants and their force-free trainers as they perform tricks and talents live on stage. The contest will be judged by a panel of local celebrities (TBD) who will choose which pet had the most paw-fect performance. Ticket sales support the Stand For Animals’ Medical Fund, which lessens the cost of pets’ medical care and treatment for those who can’t afford it.

More: $20; Sept. 10, 2 p.m.; Halton Theater; 1206 Elizabeth Ave.; standforanimals.org

Photo by Alex

Cason 9/9

DISTRACTED EYES Courtesy of Self Aware Records 9/15 ARTPOP UPCYCLED FASHION SHOW

PUBLIC CIRCUIT, JOSHUA COTTERINO, MOTHER SUPERIOR

From NYC, PUBLIC CIRCUIT pounds synths and striking beats through an electronic soundscape. The band was first started by Ethan Biamont and has grown to include Sean Holloway on drums and Nelson Fisher on synth, culminating in an intense and enthralling live performance. Joshua Cotterino is a local artist who dives into the depths of synth with influences like Fad Gadget. Mother Superior is also local to Charlotte with an intoxicating grunge, shoegaze sound — the perfect noisescape for punk lovers.

More: $12; Sept. 13, 9 p.m.; Snug Harbor; 1228 Gordon St.; snugrock.com

9/14

Tommy’s Pub presents an evening of organic altfolk. Rustbelt roots outfit Tail Light Rebellion is a vehicle for Jonny Swagger, who takes the stage armed with acoustic guitar, accordion and a suitcase drum kit. Fierce and rhythmic, Swagger’s malcontent folk-dance music plays like Tom Waits fronting The Pogues. From such supposedly mismatched elements as intricate clawhammer banjo, driving punk rhythms and soaring harmonies comes Sebring, Florida’s transcendent Swamp Rats. Boasting the powerful vocals of Felicia Castelow (Smelly Felly, Bottle of Smoke), An Archaic Agenda performs Celtic folk with attitude. More: Free; Sept. 14, 8 p.m.; Tommy’s Pub, 3124 Eastway Drive; facebook.com/tommyspub

FRI

THUR sun

9/16

SUPER ABARI BLOCK PARTY

Super Abari Game Bar brings its annual block party to the new Belmont location for the first time. Having not hosted this amazingly popular party since 2019, Zack and the team at Super Abari are pulling out all the stops, hosting live performances from Junior Astronomers, Dipstick, Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon, Petrov, Modern Moxie and Clearbody. The event will also include local food trucks, an outdoor market featuring an eclectic mix of local vendors and artists, and more attractions to be announced, with a portion of proceeds going to The Bulb Mobile Market.

More: $10; Sept. 16, noon; Super Abari Game Bar, 1015 Seigle Ave.; superabarigamebar.com

DISTRACTED EYES, THE GREAT INDOORS, QUINN RASH

Petrov’s Mary Grace McKusick turns to horror video game soundtracks for inspiration, unleashing her solo project Distracted Eyes with a set showcasing her debut EP Pace. On “Enjoy” McKusick eschews Petrov’s careening guitars and full-throttle vocals, but retains her soul-searching lyrical vulnerability. Distracted Eyes entwines wistful shoegaze singing with clammy yet soothing synths and electronic zombie-stomp percussion. On “As the Sky Falls,” The Great Indoors weave jangling guitars, doomy bass and sweetly simmering vocals to suggest a pop-oriented Swans. Quinn Rash brings skittering, twanging and over-modulated emo to the party.

More: $7; Sept. 15, 8 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

CHARLOTTE MIMOSA FESTIVAL 2023

Originally founded in 2019, this highly anticipated was canceled due to the pandemic in 2020. Just a year later, interest in the festival remained high and sold out quickly. Each ticket is guaranteed with seven mimosas, a souvenir cup, music, food trucks and vendors. Enjoy the last bits of the summer heat by cooling off with a variety of mimosas with good friends and good company.

More: $50-$75; Sept. 17, 1-5 p.m.; Lenny Boy Brewing Co.; 3000 South Tryon St.; tinyurl.com/ MimosaFest2023

& DRINK FEATURE

A CELEBRATION OF LIVING

At Restaurant Constance, a man cooks like his life depends on it

BY TIMOTHY DEPEUGH

Before I walk into Restaurant Constance, I lurk off to the side, across the street, and take in the view.

Opened in January of this year, Restaurant Constance is tucked like a book too big for its shelf into a development colored in shades of strip mall — but one that’s been repurposed for event spaces, designers and other haunts attracted to things gentrified and shiny — along a stretch of Thrift Road that exhales as it leans into Wesley Heights.

When the light is just right, at Golden Hour plus-orminus 20, you can see Uptown Charlotte in the distance, skyscrapers flickering to life, emerging like Oz or the Promised Land.

From this point of view, I can’t imagine anything more dramatic. Except that once inside, I am overwhelmed at the transformation that has taken place.

But for the rafters, all traces of the previous restaurant tenant are gone: the self-serving soundtracks replaced with cinematic peeks into the journey the evening’s ingredients took from farm to table projected on the back wall, black curtains at the front replaced by an actual hostess stand stationed against a wall displaying album covers and family-loved trinkets.

On good days, Constance herself — the chef’s daughter and restaurant’s namesake — is there to greet those coming through the door.

The open kitchen is still there, but the dynamic is different. Diners are no longer tense at the show put on before them; kitchen cahoots have given way to sharp, zen focus. The color palette has calmed down, too, from the walls to the seats to even the menus — whites and neutrals, with a hint of sparkle, trimmed in red and blue.

It’s Americana, but not the Americana of today — God, no. It’s classic, nostalgic and welcoming.

When the cooks look up and out into the dining room is when it hits that the open kitchen is not there for diners to look in, but for the kitchen to look out. Directly opposite, a wall of histories: the chef’s family line from past to present, a constant reminder of where it all began and where it could have ended.

From this point of view, on my visits when it’s Chef Sam Diminich himself who’s looking up and out to the timelines before him, I can’t imagine anything more

dramatic: the quiet intensity of a man focused on the act, who pauses only long enough to let a moment — or a private thought — hit, then immediately goes back to cooking like his life depends on it.

A celebration of life

I’m a food critic, but I am also a human being.

My professional instinct, at first, was to deconstruct what I perceived to be flaws in the shrimp toast. I told my friends who were with me on that first visit that, despite what the menu had promised, the sauce was not a sambal. “Chili soy sauce, maybe,” I had said, “but the word ‘sambal’ belongs nowhere near this zip code.”

And the server just poured it all over the plate. The toast — in this case the literal truth, more like a slice of Wonderbread instead of the small bite one might find at dim sum — was for a brief moment a buoy, sinking slowly back to the plate as it absorbed the soy pond.

One bite only served to suggest that perhaps it didn’t matter what I thought. That’s when my baser, primordial instincts kicked in.

I, like the cavemen before me, employ chest beating and guttural flourish to signal pleasure and glee. That’s more or less what happened here. Comfort food elevated, even praised. If he couldn’t nail the look, Diminch sure nailed the taste of plump shrimp mousse, ticklish and sweet, and a bit of vinegar there to keep the party in order.

I’ve ordered the shrimp toast many times since, and I am pleased to report that the amount of sauce poured has been reduced (the better to keep that toast crispy!), and that the sauce itself is still not a sambal.

There’s a backstory here that I’ll keep between Sam and me, but it’s important that he knows the extent to which he has challenged my own biases — conscious or not — with his food.

Not only did it finally occur to me that the size of the shrimp toast had less to do with vulgarity than it did generosity, but I’ve come to realize that in every plate that’s come to my table (and on some visits, it’s been literally every plate on the thoughtful, concise menu), Diminich reintroduces joy into the act of eating in a way, I suspect, only a man once on the brink could do.

This is life. You’re alive. We’re alive. So let’s celebrate.

Like with popcorn fondue cream, appearing as an ebullient little lashing on a plate of sticky BBQ ribs. Sam will only smile when you ask him about it, stopping well short of explaining how exactly he managed to stuff everything wonderful that ever came from a Cracker Jack box or a movie theater concession stand into that Easter-yellow blob.

Is there a condiment more fun or worthy of attention currently dotting plates of food in Charlotte? I don’t think it necessarily goes with the ribs — which are sweet and fatty in a good way, but much to the detriment of the altogether more delicately flavored fondue — but oh, how I don’t want them to part.

Everything good in life is on that one little plate. Who cares if the third cousins with the tattoos and Playboys don’t get along with the matriarch? Few chefs today work simultaneously in hues of generosity, of life’s great creature comforts, of bold flavors and a fuck-it-all irreverence to how things really should be done.

If I were the type to declare, I’d stand atop my soap box, which would buckle under my weight as I shouted to anyone who would listen that Chef Sam Diminich is the closest thing we have in Charlotte to Chef David Chang.

But then few chefs today have Diminich’s hard-won perspective.

Empathy in a menu

Better writers than me have already told the story of Sam’s struggles with addiction, the issue I’ve been tiptoeing around up until now, but one that’s vital to the narrative insofar as, from my critical perch, it affects what’s on

the plate. At Restaurant Constance, those struggles have influenced the menu in the most incredible ways.

Begin with the cashew hummus and replay in your head that moment in Dirty Dancing when Johnny insists that “nobody puts Baby in a corner.” Never has hummus been so vibrant or joyously textured, and never again will it be so taken for granted.

You’ll lose track of all the fun little bits and pieces tucked into the bowl, and you won’t think once of all the extra protein you’re getting from the cashews blitzed creamy within.

And for those like me who are porcine and kale-adverse, you will want to order two of the kale salads. There’s more fondue to be had, and yes, there are candied pecans, but the most truly ravishing thing about this bowl o’ greens are these nuggets of gold that Sam has chosen to name “sweet potato croutons.”

This easily ranks among the city’s best salads the way Simone Biles ranks among the best female gymnasts. At this level, there’s no contest.

That this POV extends even to the beverage program is kind of the point. While the wine list will appeal more broadly, especially with selections that will not leave anyone wallowing into their wallets with regret at the end of the night, the not-to-be-missed performances-of-a-lifetime are the nonalcoholic beverages.

Oh, how I hate that term; it’s less than-ing, especially when the selection at Restaurant Constance is so impeccable. So let’s just call it like it is: a beverage program that eschews alcohol for exhilarating combinations of texture, flavor and temperature on a level that would not be out of place at any of the World’s 50 Best Restaurants.

The point being, because I promised that there was

PHOTO BY RICO MARCELO RESTAURANT CONSTANCE IN WEST CHARLOTTE’S WESLEY HEIGHTS NEIGHBORHOOD.

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

one — and this is where I pause to wipe away a tear because while I am a food critic, I am also human — the level of genuine empathy and purpose on display here kills me.

It takes a recovered addict to quietly point out that everyone deserves to be healthy and that everyone deserves the chance to have a delicious meal. The price accessibility of the menu overall only reinforces this honest and heartfelt mission: Everyone is welcome, everyone is important and no one will be turned away.

Hey, Beards, if you’re reading this, this Sam is ready to cook you a meal.

One more dish

At Restaurant Constance, Chef Sam Diminich cooks like his life depends on it. And that could very well be the literal truth.

To see the name Constance, to take one step inside the restaurant, is to know how much family means to him. He recovered and survives for and with the help of his family, and now he cooks to bring us all together.

Knowing this means understanding, of course, that he’s the only chef in town who could conceive of pork shank in such blockbuster fashion, towering on a plate of okra, black beans and rice, eliciting gasps from the entire dining room when spotted leaving the kitchen, eliciting

cries for more napkins as it soon appears on every table and every face.

Knowing this also means understanding that there had to be divine inspiration for the chocolate miso tart to come into existence. It’s a mature, confident but also deliciously rich and assertive slice of life. One bite is enough, which could be Sam’s way of teaching us about moderation.

Could he have conceived of this dish at the precise moment it all came tumbling down and he feared for his life? That this moment happened in such proximity to where he now builds a culinary empire with heart and with purpose is fact, but this is where the seed of that fact blossoms in my imagination.

Just one more dish.

I wonder if after the assault — plus or minus twenty steps from where Restaurant Constance now exists as the best new restaurant in Charlotte this year and likely the next — he stumbled upon that stretch of Wesley Heights and saw, with the light just right, Uptown in the distance, calling out to him in the twilight, its message encoded in the flickering skyscraper lights.

“You are important. The city needs you. Stay with us, Sam, and make one more dish.”

From this point of view — lurking as I do just on the edges of reality, where the dreams that keep us all going come to life — I can’t imagine anything more dramatic. INFO@QCNERVE.COM

LIFESTYLE PUZZLES

SUDOKU

BY LINDA THISTLE

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. FOOD & DRINK: What does the acronym “IPA” stand for in a beer?

2. LITERATURE: Who is the author of “The Hunger Games” series?

3. U.S. STATES: Which state has the most lighthouses?

4. GEOGRAPHY: What is the capital of New Zealand?

5. GAMES: What is a perfect score in bowling?

6. SCIENCE: What does an auxanometer measure?

7. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a female donkey called?

8. MOVIES: Which holiday is celebrated at the end of “When Harry Met Sally”?

9. TELEVISION: Which entertainer has hosted “Saturday Night Live” the most?

10. ANATOMY: What is the anatomical name for the kneecap?

CROSSWORD

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

THE SEEKER SELF-CARE ISN’T SELFISH

Observing National Self-Care Awareness Month

BY KATIE GRANT

Despite traditionally being a heliophile, I’m anticipating the approaching change of seasons. Over the past few months, I have been committed to serving as the marketing chair for a statewide conference that recently took place, so I’m graciously reacclimating to having my personal time back.

Another calendar page turns, and September brings National Self-Care Awareness Month, a time that directs our focus to the importance of self-care and its impact on our overall well-being. As we transition from the hustle and bustle of summer, September is the ideal moment to pause, recalibrate, and shift our focus inward.

Amidst the constant barrage of (often cheesy) self-care tips flooding our social media feeds, it’s natural to wonder about the true essence of selfcare. At its core, self-care embodies proactively tending to our physical and mental health. It gives us agency over our own life and, in my opinion, consists of two main pillars:

1. Physical Health: This entails a consistent regimen of exercise, a balanced diet, sleep hygiene and staying hydrated. Yes, I have become one of those girls whose Stanley is an everyday accessory.

2. Mental Health: This encompasses stress management, mindfulness and seeking help from a therapist or counselor. I am eagerly awaiting the return of my therapist from maternity leave so I can speak to her about my friend’s divorce instead of trauma-dumping on my husband.

As I write, I understand that self-care does not exist within a vacuum of their own pillar but in the liminal space between them, they are relational. Think about all of the relationships you have or what you do in your downtime. All of these filters into our

physical and mental health.

I view Self-Care Awareness Month as a call to action — a reminder to prioritize my physical and mental health and all the elements in between. If I am mindful about what I’m putting into my body and how I take care of it, the result will be worthier outputs.

For example, I attended a goal-setting workshop in July. I met two health-and-fitness coaches there and signed up for their fall Fitness Photoshoot Challenge — a three-month commitment complete with a diet tailored to my goals and a workout regimen, concluding with a photo session by photographer Paul Buceta from STRONG Fitness Magazine.

If I stay on track and remain mindful of how I’m nourishing my mind and body, I will feel elated with the results of the photoshoot.

The goal-setting workshop also motivated attendees to focus on manifesting our goals. I am using this month to remind me of the manifesto I crafted, which encapsulates my core beliefs, values, and intentions. It’s my North Star.

The following is an excerpt from said manifesto: “Each day will be bookended with mindful minutes, a combination of movement and meditation. The hours in between will be underscored by a healthy intake of meals and media that nourishes my mind, body, and soul.”

To support my physical health and abide by my manifesto without breaking the bank, I booked a free Sweat440 session at The Chamber by Wooden Robot in NoDa. Because of the brewery’s proximity to Salud, I gave in to the temptation to indulge in my beloved Jazzy Belle Beet Salad. Gorgonzola cheese

may slightly differ from my prescribed food plan (not to mention the bottle of wine I took with me), but as my sister would say, “YOLO!”

Sometimes self-care looks like wine and binging a murder show.

With my to-do items, I crossed the street and walked toward the brewery-come-workout venue below a menacing blanket of clouds. Alas, Mother Nature unleashed a hand of inclement weather, leading to the cancellation of the outdoor class.

A quick email check revealed that the event facilitator had sent a cancellation notice and a gracious invitation to join the indoor session at their brick-and-mortar location — a mere four-minute drive away.

The owner/manager gave me a quick initial tour and explained that each Sweat440 session

expands across four 10-minute stations (hence the name). He assured me that this structure ensures a well-rounded workout session within a compact 40-minute class — ideal for those with hectic schedules.

My workout would have been more sweatinducing if I wasn’t nursing an aching wrist, but I did my best and adjusted as necessary. Isn’t that the embodiment of self-care, after all?

Self-care isn’t selfish, and this month is a gentle reminder. Whether attending a networking session, trying a new gym, or exploring a new mode of therapy, be intentional. Put thought into your choices that align with whatever your North Star is.

As Nobel Prize-winning writer Albert Camus aptly stated, “Life is a sum of all your choices.”

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

SEPT. 6-12 SEPT. 13-19

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) This could be the time to try soothing whatever bad feelings might be lingering between or among colleagues, friends and family members. But be sure you do so without favoring any side.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) An idea is only an idea until you put that clever Bovine mind to work to develop it from concept to substance. This could lead to something rewarding, both emotionally and monetarily.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) The early part of the week could have disconcerting moments, but approaching them with a calm, unruffled attitude goes a long way toward helping things settle down nicely.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Getting used to change continues to mark much of the week. But accepting what you have to do makes adapting that much easier. A welcome visitor could turn up sooner than expected.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Learning how to live with a decision is a challenge, but one you Leos and Leonas could really enjoy. You’ll also be pleased to see your social life take the upsurge you’ve been hoping for.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Use your perceptive Virgo instinct to help you see the positive aspects of what, at first, appears to be a disappointment. You could find that it proves to be quite the contrary.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Your ability to maintain a balance between sense and sentiment once again helps you sort through apparently conflicting choices and ultimately arrive at the right decision.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Before you seek the advice of colleagues about a potential career move, you might be better off getting counsel from someone who won’t be affected by the choices you make.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) It can be a challenging week for some relationships if the normal give-and-take flow changes, with one side doing most of the giving and the other the taking.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A new opportunity could bring with it much anticipation, along with some anxiety. Take time to sort out your options as well as your emotional considerations.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Are you sure you have all the facts you need to let that matter move to another level? Don’t be rushed into a decision unless, and until, you feel like it’s the right thing to do.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Pace yourself as you prepare to take on a more demanding project. Be careful not to let your energy reserves drain away. Take time to relax with people close to you.

BORN THIS WEEK: You have the ability to see both sides of a situation. You would do well as a counselor or a judge.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) A little “wool gathering” for the usually productive Lamb is all right if it helps you unwind. But be careful, as too much daydreaming can put you behind schedule in your work.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) A work problem is close to being resolved. Now you can go ahead and celebrate the week, accepting invitations from friends who enjoy your company.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Getting your new plan accepted won’t be a major hassle if you have the facts to back it up. Your supporters are also prepared to help you make your case. Good luck.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Dealing with a pesky job problem might be time-consuming, but necessary. The sooner you get this situation settled, the sooner you can move on to other matters.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Career advancement is favored, thanks to your impressive work record. On a more personal side, you should soon hear some good news about an ailing family member.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) There might be mixed signals from a certain someone who doesn’t seem all that certain about his or her intentions. Best to sort it all out now before it becomes more confusing.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Get all the facts about that investment “opportunity” before you put as little as $1 into it. Hidden problems might arise that could prove to be costly.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Compromising on a matter you feel strongly about not only ends the impasse, but can be a win-win deal for all. Remember, Scorpios do well with change.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) With all the demands you currently have to deal with, accepting the help of family and friends could be the wisest course to take at this time.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Recent upsetting incidents might have left you with a big gap in your self-assurance. Refill it by spending time with those who know how worthy you really are.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A dispute about money needs to be resolved quickly before it festers into something more serious. Consider asking an impartial colleague to mediate the matter.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) A soft approach could be more effective than making a loud demand for the information you need. You might even find yourself with more data than you expected.

BORN THIS WEEK: You’re sought out for the wonderful advice you’re able to offer others. Sometimes you even take it yourself.

UPCOMING SPECIAL ISSUES

OCTOBER 25 | HALLOWEEN GUIDE

NOVEMBER 29 | BEST IN THE NEST DECEMBER 27 | NEW YEAR’S EVE GUIDE

1. India Pale Ale.

2. Suzanne Collins.

3. Michigan.

4. Wellington.

5. 300 points.

6. Plant growth.

7. A jenny.

8. New Year’s Eve.

9. Actor Alec Baldwin, 17 times.

10. Patella.

SAVAGE LOVE TWENTY QUESTIONS

Quickies

BY DAN SAVAGE

1. I’m a fisting top and I always ask my bottoms to make sure they’re cleaned out. What is the proper etiquette when brown liquid explodes out of a bottom, covering me, the bed, the walls, and the floor?

Get out of bed, shower off, get dressed, put the bottom in an Uber, exit the apartment, lock the door behind you, go to the airport, fly to a new city, don’t leave a forwarding address.

2. My BF of 10 years is 53. I’m 43. Things have cooled off in the bedroom as he has age-related issues like indigestion, back pain, and headaches — all the usual age stuff. How do we spice it back up? How do I get him back into his kinky gear for some kinky fun? He was kinkier when he was younger, so I know it’s in him. Any tips?

Instead of trying to get him back into the exact same kinky stuff he enjoyed doing 10 years ago — and felt physically capable of doing 10 years — work on identifying some new kinky stuff that vibes with the themes of the kinks he used to enjoy and that aren’t as physically taxing. For instance, you could substitute simpler easy-in/easy-out bondage for long, elaborate bondage sessions or you could ask him to watch while you do whatever he orders you to with your favorite insertion toys. (I’m guessing at your kinks here — but you get the idea.)

3. My university-aged cisgendered heterosexual daughter now identifies as asexual. Which is all good. But what does that mean? Not getting any? Doesn’t want any? I don’t want to bother her about it if she isn’t into chatting about it but I would like to know what’s going on.

Some asexuals aren’t getting any and don’t want any. Some asexuals get some but don’t want much. Some asexuals get lots and want more. Asexuality, like so much else, is a vast and broad spectrum. You can learn about all the different points (and all the different pride flags) along that vast and broad spectrum at the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (asexuality. org). But only your daughter knows where she falls — at least for now — along that spectrum.

4. I’m a fortysomething straight male who only gets off to gangbang porn. It has to has to be focused on female pleasure; I don’t enjoy anything violent or rough. I’ve never even had a threesome, and honestly when it’s over — right after I come — I’m not into the idea anymore. What’s going on?

Don’t mistake post-nut indifference for post-nut clarity — meaning, your sudden disinterest in gangbang porn right

after you come watching gangbang porn isn’t a sign that there’s something wrong with you or with the gangbang porn (provided, of course, that it’s ethically produced gangbang porn, which does exist). Like all men, you’re less “into the idea” of whatever turns you on right after you come. Losing interest as you crash into your refractory period doesn’t mean your kinks are shameful — it means you have a little time to think about something else.

5. Why has caging become so popular in gay porn?

Interestingly, cock cages — male chastity devices — were being used by straight men in cuckold relationships long before gay men embraced them, making cock cages one of the rare kinks that jumped from straight kinksters to gay ones. That usually works the other way around, i.e., gay men beta test some new perversion and straight people pretend to be revolted for a decent interval before co-opting the kink. Anyway, I think cages are popular in gay porn because popular gay porn stars like Caged Jock and Devin Franco popularized them.

6. Is it safe to sleep with a cock chastity cage on?

Dr. Stephen King, a urologist, urged my readers not to wear a male chastity device overnight: “My primary concern is long-term health and preservation of erectile function ‘down the road,’ so I tend to err on the cautious side … so, I’d caution against any long-term or continuous use of such a device, anything more than four to six hours, if it places any significant compression on the tissue directly,” King told me back in 2013.

7. Isn’t sex only sex when there’s an erection and penetration involved?

If sex is only sex when an erection and penetration is involved, then mutual masturbation isn’t sex, fingering isn’t sex, scissoring isn’t sex, cunnilingus isn’t sex, pegging isn’t sex, eating ass isn’t sex, two bottoms jamming on a double-ended dildo while their cocks are caged isn’t sex. And if you walked in on your wife scissoring with one woman while another woman ate her ass and yet another woman pegged the woman eating your wife’s ass … and two gay bottom boys in cock cages jammed on a double-ended dildo on the other side of the room … you wouldn’t think, “No erections, no penetration, nothing to see here!”

8. My ex was very small, but my new guy is hung like a horse. He’s almost too big! Can one adjust?

One can, one must, one will — but will you be that one?

9. I’m with just one person and they’re currently only sleeping with me. We’ve both agreed to tell each other if that changed. Does that mean anything about the relationship? Is this at all significant? Is it just about safety?

This clearly means something to you — but only time will tell whether it means something to the other person involved.

10. How do you know if you’re making the right decision when it comes to breaking up with a significant other?

You don’t.

11. Can you test positive for weed after you eat pussy while the receiver is high?

People have tested positive for weed and other substances after drinking the urine of someone who was high — but vaginal secretions aren’t urine, i.e., a woman’s body doesn’t eliminate waste through vaginal secretions. So, I think it’s unlikely a sober person would test positive after eating the pussy of a woman who was high — but that’s a semi-informed guess, not a guarantee.

12. No-longer-used sex toys. What to do with them? Landfill?

I had a friend who used to wash her old sex toys, place them in a Easter basket with a bow on it, and then leave the basket on a busy corner in the nightlife district with a note that said, “Gently used, lovingly cleaned and sterilized, and looking for a good home.” Most probably wound up in landfills, but one or two may have been saved.

13. Why are you such a fag?

Ours is not to reason why, ours is butt to screw and sigh.

14. Is it safe to have anal sex right after a colonoscopy? I mean, my ass will never be cleaner.

So long as you didn’t have any polyps snipped out, you’re good to go.

15. Many vers gay men speak disparagingly about guys who only enjoy one role — meaning, gay guys who only top or only bottom. Thoughts?

With most gay men identifying as either tops or bottoms these days — and with some gay men making which role they enjoy during anal sex their entire personality (at least on social media) — it’s understandable that some vers guys might be annoyed by a tribalism that excludes them. It would be great if annoyed vers guys could assert themselves without disparaging guys who enjoy one role or the other, of course, but the longer you’re told you have to pick a team, the more annoyed you get; the more annoyed you get, the likelier you are to speak disparagingly of the people pressuring you to pick a team. (Just ask a bisexual.)

16. How can I, a 41-year-old woman, tell my wonderful new Dom, a 39-year-old man, that I need to be warmed up before impact play and that I prefer more consistent rhythmic strokes to get into sub space? Any resources?

The resource you need can be found under your nose and above your chin: Open your mouth, use your words. If you can’t

bring yourself to talk about your limits, boundaries, needs, and how certain kinds of play work best for you, you’re not ready for a D/s relationship. If this man has convinced you that “real’ subs aren’t allowed to have limits or boundaries or preferences — and a slow build during impact play is a perfectly legitimate preference — then at best he’s a bad Dom, at worst he’s an abusive Dom.

17. My boyfriend and I recently opened our relationship. He prefers random encounters while I prefer deeper connections. How do we make that work and avoid open relationship pitfalls?

He could have random encounters while you pursue deeper connections. But if he wants things kept strictly casual with outside partners and casual/anon sex doesn’t work for you, you might have to close the relationship back down until you can get on the same page.

18. My nesting partner is demi and reciprosexual and had some SA trauma in his past, whereas I am mega and have a very high drive. I’d like to initiate more since he’ll likely reciprocate my advances, and only having sex with him once a week is pretty rough for me. However, I have severe RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) and am terrified of triggering him and being rejected. We’ve talked it out and he gave me his ongoing consent to make moves on him, but I’m still scared. Any suggestions?

Take “yes” for an answer — you have your nesting partner’s okay/yes to ask for sex — and then constantly remind yourself that he’s not rejecting you when he passes on sex, he’s passing sex at this time. In a sense, you never get a “no” from your partner. Sometimes his answer is “yes,” and sometimes his answer is “ask me again later,” but he never says “no” to you. It’s not rejection, it’s delayed gratification.

19. I ghosted someone after a few dates and feel shitty about it. I know better and want to reach out to apologize. It’s been about three months. Do you recommend I apologize or just bury the guilt and never do it again?

Apologize — but don’t let the guilt go. Well, not all of it. Hold on to just enough guilt that you’re motivated to send a gracious thanks-but-no-thanks text the next time you’re tempted to ghost on someone, if only to avoid feeling as guilty as you do now.

20. I’m 50, poly, and live in the Midwest. My married boyfriend of 11 years has a second girlfriend who has cancer, but who also hates me — honestly, without good reason. She’s going on a cruise over Christmas and New Years with everyone in my polycule, excluding me. Any advice for managing my hurt feelings and jealousy would be appreciated.

Think about all the COVID variants you won’t be catching on that cruise ship — and all the COVID variants this woman who hates you is going to be exposed to on this cruise. Oh, and if your entire polycule is abandoning you over the holidays, you might also wanna think about finding or forming a new polycule.

Send your question to mailbox@savage.love; podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love.