Queen City Nerve - January 25, 2023

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THE MUSHROOM MAN

Jonathan Dessi-Olive breaks architectural boundaries with myco-materials

BY HAILEY KNUTSEN

Jonathan Dessi-Olive sits at a small desk in the corner of a massive room. Between the brick walls and below the high ceilings lie the makings of a construction site — steel beams, tarps, and 17 white sheets, all 6 to 14 feet in length, an inch and a half thick, and made completely out of mushrooms and hemp.

“I’ll grab you a chair that’s not dusty,” he said when I arrived at his workspace on campus at UNC Charlotte. The assistant professor of architecture’s black hair curled over the sides of his glasses rims, and his burrito print socks peeked out from below his slacks as he sat with crossed legs.

About six years ago, Dessi-Olive began working with mushroom-based construction materials, called “myco-materials,” which are made out of a mushroom’s root — the part that doesn’t go on your pizza or salad. The live mushroom root acts as a glue that binds hemp wood chips together, forming the material he uses for his building projects.

Dessi-Olive told Queen City Nerve he was inspired to look into myco-materials after witnessing the destruction of a building in Atlanta, where he lived in 2017.

“The Georgia Dome got demolished,” he said. “It was kind of weird to me, because I remember the Georgia Dome being built. I’m old enough to remember it getting built, at the time, only 25 years before. I mean, I was a kid when it was built, but I remember seeing it when I was watching the ’96 Olympics … And it really hit me at the right time.”

After seeing the Georgia Dome, a building that could potentially have existed for hundreds of years, get torn down only for a new one to be built across the street, Dessi-Olive began researching more sustainable building materials.

“I saw the building go down and it was like, all right, we’re gonna start making buildings out of something that’s not gonna be a bunch of rubble in a landfill,” he said.

Myco-material is completely compostable and allows Dessi-Olive to build prototypes for projects and teach students hands-on without the guilt of

contributing to the 800 million tons of construction waste created every year.

Dessi-Olive loves working with students on myco-material projects, because it helps them realize that what they learn in school is not the limit of what is possible in their careers.

“My entire architecture education we didn’t really talk about anything more than wood, steel, concrete, maybe a little plastic, glass, and carbon fiber near the end,” he said, “so for me it’s just seeing that sense of disbelief kind of go away in the student where you say, ‘We are gonna do something that sounds so ridiculous,’ because for those three years that they’ve been studying architecture, they’ve only been told X, Y, and Z and that’s the limit of their education. And the materials like this and kinds of processes that we’re using, the technologies that we’re incorporating into this room in order to make a lot of this possible are literally unbelievable to them.”

The first myco-material project he and his students worked on was a 9-foot-by-9-foot singing pavilion. Since then, he and his students have completed a number of innovative projects.

Students who had gotten their weaving badge in the Boy Scouts weaved a column filled with the material. They have made spiral staircases and screen walls. “We’ve made a bunch of what I like to call ‘house parts,’ but never the whole house. So we’re working on getting the parts put together [to do that],” he said.

But when we visited, Dessi-Olive and his students were working on more of an artistic endeavor, one that will be his biggest myco-material undertaking yet.

A collaboration for dys/connect

The 17 massive white sheets scattered across the floor when we visited Dessi-Olive’s workspace will soon be put together to form a structure that will hang from the ceiling during dys/connect, an upcoming performance showcase scheduled for Jan. 30 at Charlotte Art League (CAL) and hosted by

UNC Charlotte’s Digital Arts Center. The structure will absorb acoustics in an echoey room so that visitors can focus on enjoying the art and music.

“There’s 11 vignettes that are happening, like little performance vignettes, and each vignette is a collaboration between mostly music and another area of our college,” explained Jessica Lindsey, director of the Digital Arts Center and professor of clarinet at UNC Charlotte. “It’s really given me the opportunity to sit down with different members of our college and present, you know, here’s some music that we could use. Are you inspired to create dance? Are you inspired to create theatre? Are you inspired to create visual art in video? Or whatever else you could imagine.”

According to Lindsey, prior to the music portion of the showcase, visitors will be able to walk through the space to view physical art pieces, as well as art viewed by augmented reality, at the same time. “You will be able to see everything that’s in the space, but you’ll see different markers, you can tap on those, and then a virtual or augmented piece of art will pop up for you to walk around,” she said.

The augmented art gallery is a collaboration between UNC Charlotte associate professor of architecture Ming-Chun Lee, whose academic focus

is geographic information science (GIsci), and a former student of his. The gallery will feature about 15 pieces from five different artists.

After visitors stroll around the exhibit, a combination of digital and live music will be performed with the help of Dessi-Olive’s structure. Along with the acoustic absorption, Dessi-Olive hopes that the structure will spread the music around the room, like a surround sound system, but “the performance will tell,” he says.

Dessi-Olive and his team will begin simulating soon, to see how differently shaped sheets affect sound.

The showcase will take place at the CAL, a nonprofit art gallery located just north of NoDa in the recently opened Trailhead arts building. CAL executive director Jim Dukes was more than happy to approve Dessi-Olive’s proposal to use their space.

“This idea particularly blew my mind and I just felt like there was something extremely special here with this project and the team,” Dukes said. “I hate limits and I hate rules and to be able to do a project here that breaks the limits and breaks the rules is exactly what we want to be doing.”

After putting on the augmented reality headset and seeing the project in action, Dukes decided

JONATHAN DESSI-OLIVE SHOWS OFF HIS MUSHROOM-BASED CONSTRUCTION MATERIALS.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN

NEWS & OPINION

FEATURE

to get involved. He began to write grants to buy equipment and fund teaching opportunities for Dessi-Olive’s students to work with underserved youth that have a passion for augmented reality and design in STEAM and STEM programs.

“It’s one of these secret squirrel things that goes on around here that not a lot of people know about yet, but when they find out what is going on with it, it’s gonna blow their minds,” Dukes said.

Dessi-Olive said he’s grateful for Dukes’ support, which came without question, and for the space lent

before and after the shows for visitors to explore the augmented art gallery. Tickets are $8 and free for UNC Charlotte students. Dessi-Olive’s structure will remain available for viewing at CAL beyond the date of the show.

The future of myco

Dessi-Olive hopes to one day put his house parts together to build a complete house, but in the meantime, he is happy with the ever-growing popularity of myco-materials. The material is already being used by eco-conscious companies all over the world as a replacement for the styrofoam used in packaging.

Beauty companies and subscription services use the material. Furniture companies have started using it as well.

“It may not be as popular as concrete or vinyl or two-by-fours but it’s getting there,” Dessi-Olive said.

He explained that he views his role in working with myco-materials as testing its ability to work at scale. He wants to go far beyond packing peanuts and living room furniture, and he is pushing the limits of size with every project, especially with his work for the Charlotte Art League.

Though he is extremely passionate about sustainable architecture, his biggest passion is teaching. He hopes to continue to offer students knowledge that could improve the world, and their lives.

to him by Charlotte Art League, which will be home to his biggest project yet.

“In my career (this is) the biggest experiment with this material,” Dessi-Olive said, “not by volume of material itself, but by volume of deploying that material. The amount of space that this material is going to take is, for me, the largest that it will have ever occupied.”

When finished, the structure will be 20 feet by 20 feet in area and 6 feet deep in volume. It will be on display during the two dys/connect shows on Jan. 30. The first showing will be at 6 p.m., and the last at 8 p.m., but the doors will be open

“The magic is not even the piece itself, it’s the process and it’s the kind of community of people who have the knowledge that come out of that process,” he said, “so even sending 20 more architects out into the world and into the professional workspace with skills that other people don’t have, to me I think that is really special because I think it can, one, advance the field and, two, provide North Carolinians with better opportunities for jobs later on.”

Other than his hope to see myco-made houses, he is excited to see the material take on other forms. He is thrilled about talk of the material replacing foam and fiberglass, and hopes that sustainable materials become the new normal, and that we see them in places like restaurants and office buildings.

“It’s not that it’s surprising that there’s mushrooms there. It’s surprising that they’re not,” he said.

AN UP CLOSE LOOK AT DESSI-OLIVE’S MYCO-MATERIALS.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN

MODERNISM + FILM: ‘MUR MURS’

Returning to Los Angeles from France in 1979, Belgian-born director, screenwriter and artist Agnès Varda began to lens Mur Mur, her kaleidoscopic documentary about the city of angels’ striking murals. Bursting with color and vitality, Mur Murs does more than catalog unusual public art. It’s an invigorating study of community and diversity. Varda travelled to Compton, training her curious camera on a series of murals whose defiance, beauty and simple existence recontextualized L.A. With a punning French-language title that translates as “whispering walls,” Varda captured an unspoken history hidden in plain view.

More: $8-$10; Jan. 26, 7 p.m.; Knight Theater, 420 S. Tryon St.; bechtler.org

SCIENCE ON THE ROCKS

According to Discovery Place President and CEO Catherine Wilson Horne, one of the questions she’s heard most from visitors since 2020 is, “When are you bringing back Science on the Rocks?” On Jan. 27, the adults-only science event returns with exclusive preview access to Discovery Place’s new exhibit, Top Secret: License to Spy, plus music, cash bar and engaging experiences that include live science shows and hands-on science lab activities. Trust us, the museum gets a lot cooler without a bunch of ankle biters running around.

More: $18-$22; Jan. 27, 6-10 p.m.; Discovery Place Science, 301 N. Tryon St.; discoveryplace.org

NERDY NIGHT OUT: THE SHARK APPRECIATION SHOW

Sure, a shark’s “got lifeless eyes … like a doll’s eye … until he bites ya and the black eyes roll over white,” but did you know sharks first appeared 455 million years ago, and that they go into a trancelike state when you flip them upside down? Celebrate Kiss a Shark Week with more selachimorpha trivia from marine biologist Andrew Goff and comedians Hype Barnes and Solid Dad Improv Troupe. Goff serves up shark history like buckets of chum, while Solid Dad and Hype Barnes perform shark-themed improv and stand-up.

More: $25; Jan. 28, 8 p.m.; Carolina E-Sports Hub, 3401 St. Vardell Lane; blumenthalarts.org

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE, MOMMA

With a knack for sensitive lyrics, memorable melodies and Ben Gibbard’s wistful vocals, Death Cab for Cutie could have phoned it in anywhere along its 20-plus-year career. That the band never did is a testament to its creativity and integrity. Bittersweet and grungy, Death Cab was a respectable progenitor of emo when Transatlanticism catapulted the band to the big time in 2003. Since then, they may have come down commercially, but never creatively. Hell, even impossible-to-please Pitchfork called Death Cab’s masterful 2022 Asphalt Meadows an album that “mostly satisfies.”

More: $45 and up; Jan. 29, 8 p.m.; Ovens Auditorium, 2700 E. Independence Blvd.; boplex.com

FASHION NIGHT AT THE MINT

A night of fashion and design programming celebrates the exhibit Fashion Reimagined: Themes and Variations, 1760-Now, which runs through July 2. Five houses from the regional/ local ballroom scene perform the five categories of vogue: catwalk, hands, spins and dips, duckwalk and floor performance, with looks inspired by the 18th-century designs on display in Fashion Reimagined. The opening reception for the Graphic GarMINT installation honors the work of 11 regional/local Black designers. Plus, a guided tour of Fashion Reimagined and MacFly Fresh Printing Co. performing live screen-printing on site.

More: Free; Feb. 1, 5 p.m.; Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St.; mintmuseum.org

‘THE MEN INSIDE’

Inspired by the Men of Change: Power. Triumph. Truth exhibition at the Gantt through March 12, The Men Inside is a live stage production that honors the paths of Black men who have become change-makers in their community. Presented by Epoch Tribe, Levine Museum, and the Gantt, the production shares personal stories of a group of Black men in Charlotte, and through those few, connections to multitudes are embodied. The show is an open-hearted display of emotional and interpersonal journeys, as well as a beautiful and bold theatrical exploration of the hearts and minds of real Black men.

More: $20-$30; Feb. 2, 7 p.m.; Booth Playhouse, 130 N. Tryon St.; ganttcenter.org

‘HEY YOU! AN AFROSTEREOPHONIC JOURNEY’

A work-related incident spurred actor/writer/ director/producer and voice talent Brian Daye to conceive this deeply personal and award-winning one-man play. As Daye traced his upbringing, background and life experiences as a Black man in America, the show came into focus. Charlotte’s OffBroadway, led by producer, writer and director Anne Lambert, presents the show, which is receiving its regional premiere, while Charlotte-based director and theatrical costumer Dee Abdullah directs the production. Previously, Hey You! won Best Performance and Best Playwright from Los Angeles’ Peach Theatre and Film International Festival in 2022.

More: $25; Feb. 3-5, various times; COB’s Black Box Theater in the VAPA Center, 700 N. Tryon St.; charlottesoffbroadway.com

CHURCH OF SINETOLOGY

With cleverly punny branding that conflates geometric oscillating wave forms (sine waves) with that creepy narcissistic cult forever linked to the grinning rictus of Tom Cruise, Sinetology presents a self-described “night of electronic dance-floor therapy featuring live performances and DJs.” The bill features magisterial tone poems from Sinetology head honcho Benjamic Sochko/Lon Lon, plus Leo Wolf’s airy, chiming and moody ruminations on memory, time and dreams. Also, percussionist Ryan Persaud, aka Sweat Transfer’s whirling mad gamelan moves amid windchimes-ina-hail-storm tintinnabulations. We suspect we’re just scratching the surface of this experimental yet welcoming event.

More: $7-10; Feb. 4, 8 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

EGO DEATH MACHINE, THE CULT OF CHUNK, MODERNEVERYTHING, JACKSON FIG

With their Bandcamp page devoted to an absurdist deconstruction of an answering machine message, NYC’s Cult of Chunk promise artsy weirdness in the vein of giant eyeball-sporting goofball terrorists The Residents. Charlotte’s stripped-down proto grunge trio Jackson Fig summons the elemental force of an earlier era, when indie was forming and not yet classified — think Greg Sage’s Wipers threading the perfect guitar attack through a maelstrom of noise. Two more Charlotte outfits — post-rock noise trio Ego Death Machine and spiky new wave-accented rockers Moderneverything — fill the bill.

More: $10; Feb. 6, 8 p.m.; The Milestone, 3400 Tuckaseegee Road; themilestone.club

ARLIE, WHITEHALL & THE SEWING CLUB

What began as a buoyant solo project from songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Nathaniel Banks has blossomed into Nashville-based band Arlie. The combo keeps touch with Banks’ retro-pop influences while stretching out in experimental lo-fi directions. While Arlie’s 2018 debut EP Wait gave listeners the soaring straightforward single “Poppin,” the title track from the group’s 2022 full length release Break the Curse is a moodier affair. Here, catchy yet candid pop is filtered through hazy haunted production that suggests a journey through mist shrouded forests and an echoing fractured hall of mirrors.

More: $15; Feb. 7, 8 p.m.; Neighborhood Theatre, 511 E. 36th St.; neighborhoodtheatre.com

FASHION REIMAGINED Courtesy of The Mint Museum 2/1

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Jason Scavone w/ Carly Taich (Evening Muse)

Night Moves w/ Shady Cove (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Babytron (The Underground)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

House of Funk (Middle C Jazz)

THURSDAY, JANUARY 26

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

We Came as Romans (The Underground)

Dirtybutt w/ Mazerot, ApolloIsLame, Deep October, Quinn Rash (The Milestone)

JAZZ/BLUES

Right to Party (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Savannah Harmon (Comet Grill)

John Craigie w/ Grace Rowland (Visulite Theatre)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Sci-Fi Night (Snug Harbor)

OPEN MIC

Open Mic Night w/ Chase & “Sug” Aleeia Bolton Brown (Tommy’s Pub)

FRIDAY, JANUARY 27

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Lenny Federal (Comet Grill)

Dollar Signs w/ Off With Their Heads, Alright (The Milestone)

Angry Chair (Alice in Chains tribute) w/ Badmotorfinger (Soundgarden) (Visulite Theatre)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Quentin Talley & The Soul Providers (Evening Muse)

GloRilla (The Underground)

Alan Charmer w/ Lofidels, Black Haus (Snug Harbor)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Colt Ford (Coyote Joe’s)

Malcolm Holcombe w/ Bruce Hazel (Evening Muse)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

One Direction v. 5 Seconds of Summer (Amos’ Southend)

The New York Bee Gees (Bee Gees tribute) (Knight Theater)

Shadow Play (Crown Station)

JAZZ/BLUES

Norman Brown (Middle C Jazz)

Ryan Saranich Trio w/ Big Nasty Horn Driven Groove Machine, Rhiannon Dewey (Petra’s)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Electric Dynamite (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SATURDAY, JANUARY 28

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Trent Thompson w/ Rigometrics (Evening Muse)

Doubting Thomas (Neighborhood Theatre)

Knowne Ghost w/ Crenshaw Pentecostal, Featherpocket (Petra’s)

Waking Tera w/ Solarist, State of Illusion, Dovecage (The Rooster)

The Coyotes w/ Secret Guest, Pet Bug (Snug Harbor)

Van Huskins w/ Bog Loaf, Neon Deaths (Tommy’s Pub)

JAZZ/BLUES

Kenny Wayne Shepherd (Knight Theater)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Randy Franklin & the Sardines (Comet Grill)

Lucy Kaplansky (Evening Muse)

JAZZ/BLUES

Norman Brown (Middle C Jazz)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

The Breakfast Club (‘80s tribute) (Amos Southend)

Figure w/ ill.Gates (Crown Station)

Diital Noir w/ DJ Spider, DJ Valefor (The Milestone)

Rocky Horror Music Show w/ Double Love & the Trouble (Visulite Theatre)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Chris Reed & the Bad Kids (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SUNDAY, JANUARY 29

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Death Cab for Cutie w/ Momma (Ovens Auditorium)

Steel Panther (The Fillmore)

Violent Life Violent Death w/ Severed by Dawn, Reflect//Refine, Neverfall (The Milestone)

Fault Union w/ Fear Illusion, Victim Complex (The Rooster)

Kevin Marshall & Friends (Tommy’s Pub)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)

Frank McComb (Middle C Jazz)

Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band w/ Paleface (Neighborhood Theatre)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

The Way Down Wanderers w/ Hustle Souls (Evening Muse)

MONDAY, JANUARY 30

JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)

Matt Postle’s Monthly Jazz Jam Session (Tommy’s Pub)

OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse feat. John Brewster (Evening Muse)

TUESDAY, JANUARY 31

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Neko Case w/ Indigo Sparke (Knight Theater)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)

Cosmic Jam Session (Crown Station)

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Rob Leines (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Token (The Underground)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Pony Bradshaw w/ Grayson Jenkins (Evening Muse)

JAZZ/BLUES

Stephanie Streater & the Phil Howe Quartet (Middle C Jazz) FUNK/JAM BANDS

Tauk Moore w/ Funk You (Neighborhood Theatre)

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 2

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

The Real Dolls w/ North By North, Benton (Petra’s)

Comino w/ Mel Machete, Mystery Girl, DJ Fat Keith Richards (Snug Harbor)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Infinite Soul (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

NC Bluegrass Jam Night (Birdsong Brewing)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Hullabalo0, Joneses, Poetic, & Expand (Crown Station)

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 3

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

True Lilith w/ Wastoid, Babe Haven, Oh! You Pretty Things (The Milestone)

Lucero w/ Justin Wells (Neighborhood Theatre)

Roman Candles w/ Shake the Dust (The Rooster)

Gel w/ Big Laugh, Mutant Strain, Plan B (Snug Harbor)

Jeremy’s Ten (Pearl Jam tribute) (Visulite Theatre)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Fantasia w/ Joe (Bojangles Coliseum)

JAZZ/BLUES

Adam Hawley (Middle C Jazz)

CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony: Sibelius’ Symphony No. 5 (Knight Theater)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Scott McCreery (Coyote Joe’s)

Caroline Keller Band w/ Jordan Allen & the Bellwethers, The Jenkins Twins (Evening Muse)

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 4

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Trash Panda w/ Brooke Garwood and Babe Honey (Evening Muse)

Seneca Burns w/ Circuit, Home for the Day, Subvertigo (The Milestone)

Harriet RIP (The Rooster)

‘90s Invasion (Alice in Chains, No Doubt, Pearl Jam tributes) (Amos’ Southend)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Bikini Bottom Rave (The Underground)

Sinetology (Petra’s)

Break Free (Snug Harbor)

JAZZ/BLUES

Patrick Lamb (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Nicholas Jamerson w/ Pierce Edens (Evening Muse)

CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony: Sibelius’ Symphony No. 5 (Knight Theater)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Vive Chihuahua (Bojangles Coliseum)

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 5

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Aurora’s Hope w/ XBound, Momophobia (The Milestone)

JAZZ/BLUES

Maria Howell sings Billie Holiday (Middle C Jazz)

Shana Blake Blues Jam (Neighborhood Theatre)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Big Gigantic (The Fillmore)

Hazy Sunday (Petra’s)

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Ego Death Machine w/ The Cult of Chunk, ModernEverything, Jackson Fig (The Milestone)

OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Sam Brasko (Evening Muse)

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Arlie w/ Whitehall, The Sewing Club (Neighborhood Theatre)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Cosmic Jam Session (Crown Station)

VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING.

A NEEDED PLATFORM

Joanne Rogers spotlights artists of color at Nine Eighteen Nine Studio Gallery

BY RAYNE ANTRIM

Thin walls make vulnerability seem inevitable. A large room with a huge center and seemingly no corners to hide in compels one to walk along the walls and clasp their hands together with the anxieties new spaces can bring. Most places have walls that can talk, but these ones have stories to tell.

There are faces that show sadness, contempt, happiness, love and loss. Complex issues are relayed within the different breaststrokes, and cultural boundaries are broken down within a single moment of silence. The space is safe, as it bridges the gap between people’s experiences and other’s realities. One truth stands in spaces such as these: Art is a universal language.

On Jan. 14, Nine Eighteen Nine Studio Gallery held an opening reception for I AM: A Retrospective Exhibition featuring Kevin Harris’ mixed media art. The exhibit spans over 20 years of the Charlotte artist’s work. Harris reflects his view of the Black experience in America through breathtaking portraits, landscapes and abstract oil paintings within the exhibit. It requires the viewer to take a look within oneself, and truly sit in where their thoughts wander.

The exhibit will show at Nine Eighteen Nine through Feb. 11 with a community-event artist led class called “Palette Portraits.”

Nine Eighteen Nine Studio Galley first opened its private venue within the Visual and Performing Arts (VAPA) Center in 2020. The goal of the studio is to provide an accessible platform to nurture the relationship between the artist, collector and community. The space provides mentorship opportunities, skills training, networking and representation for emerging artists.

Joanne Rogers, Nine Eighteen Nine’s founder, launched the studio in 2015 with a first exhibit highlighting the work of her husband, renowned Charlotte artist Arthur Rogers Jr.

“He was part of my very first show,” Joanne told Queen City Nerve. “When I moved down here, I came upon my husband working — painting in the garage. I walked up, and I stayed there for about 1520 minutes, and he didn’t know I was there.”

She explained that her husband was working a

full-time job with Union County and she didn’t believe he was truly taking advantage of his artistic talent.

“I told him, ‘We’re going to find a way for you to live in your gift’,” she laughed. “I’m very stubborn.”

The show was held in the summer of 2015 at Clearwater Artist Studios. Arthur wanted to fill the space with other artists, so he asked 10 other artists to show their work. The exhibit was immersive — an authentic bamboo entrance, dancers in costume serving homemade meals — all built by hand by Joanne.

Following that first show, a crucial turning point for Joanne Rogers came in February of the next year when she attended her cousin’s art show. Her cousin was asked to do the show with 10 other artists of color and they both attended. They found the energy within the other artists that attended the event to be inspiring, and one specific part of the evening stuck with Joanne.

“At the end of it, I heard this guy telling an artist … that they needed to do abstract work, because white people will not buy their work. And I was like, well, that’s some bullshit,” she said.

Later that night, she dreamt about forming an arts group called Palette Table. Within a half hour of awakening, she told Arthur about it and he bought the domain name. Joanne hopped on the phone with her mentor and that’s how the group began.

Joanne describes the Palette Table as a “roundtable” type of group, providing information and increased opportunities for artists of color through mentoring, skills training, administrative support and networking.

“We prepared [local artists] to do this, to get ready to have their own show. And then I gave each of them their own show to introduce them to the art world. People like Stacy Utley, Brian Wilson, Kev Harris, artists that are doing their thing, were some of the first members of the Palette Table,” Rogers explained.

Rogers is also one of the founding members of VAPA, located in Uptown’s Fourth Ward. The center features five galleries, two-three theaters, a rehearsal space, a practice space, and art studios for individual artists. VAPA is home to BLKMRKCLT, Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte and Women’s Chorus

of Charlotte, Charlotte Comedy Theatre, JazzArts Charlotte, Charlotte’s Off-Broadway and OBRA Collective, among others.

VAPA has been the home of Nine Eighteen Nine for the last couple years, as Joanne has put on exhibits such as Projected Realities, The Soul Finger Project, and America Gentrified. Her goal for the gallery is to support local artists of color, and to make them feel seen by their peers and neighbors.

“When I came to Charlotte, I saw so much talent. The people themselves did not believe that it could happen here,” Rogers said. “They didn’t see how incredible they were. It blew my mind, because the people here who were in charge for growing the arts were pouring into places outside of Charlotte, and our art community was struggling. Why? They say they don’t have the funding for the arts here, but they’re bringing people in and paying for them. We have artists here who are a lot more brilliant than what they’re bringing in and making them feel like a second-class citizen in their own home. I don’t do that.”

Rogers wants local artists of color to find success without having to change their practices to cater to white tastes.

“[In the past] they believed they broke the glass ceiling if they were the only person of color in a room. There’s something wrong with that,” she continued. “You see other people who don’t look like you as better than you. There’s something wrong with that. Part of what I do is showing artists their value, and showing the community their value so that they can support the artists in a way that’s sustainable and we can keep them around.”

Rogers works to make Charlotte a destination

rather than just a stop over from Atlanta to New York. Her vision is to ensure that Charlotte artists no longer have to leave their home in order to be successful. The gallery mostly works with local fine artists of color due to the need within Charlotte. The gallery also opens up the space for different kinds of community events: drives for baby supplies, immersive painting, meetings of the Arts & Science Council, and events for nonprofits. Rogers has only received one grant for the studio in the nearly eight years it’s existed.

“I do a half rate for nonprofits, and a regular rate for profits. It’s much lower than anything you’re going to get. What that does is pouring money back into the artists, because before, I was self-funded,” Rogers explained. Rogers recently quit her job and began running the studio full-time thanks to the traction and workload the studio gallery is getting.

Rogers believes that creatives are vital in human connection, and ways for people to understand the realities they live in.

“They’re definitely a bridge. When you have difficult conversations — all the social turmoil that we go through. If two people were to get together and talk, it’s more combative and you get more defensive. But, when you put it on a wall and people walk by, they can take it at their own comfort level,” she said.

“You can turn away from it, and it won’t follow you. It’s a way to have difficult conversations. Again, it’s a safe space. It is a common language. Art goes across all languages — all cultures. Art is universal. It’s a universally understood language. Therefore, it is a bridge. Creatives are a gift. Creatives are a bridge.”

JOANNE ROGERS WITH ARTIST KEV HARRIS.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN

FAMILY VALUES

Diverse sounds make Oh! You Pretty Things sparkle

BY PAT MORAN

“You can choose your friends, but you sho can’t choose your family,” Jem tells prim Aunt Alexandra in the pages of To Kill a Mockingbird. This sage advice from Harper Lee’s coming of age classic has been repeated so often it’s become accepted as familial gospel — but not by alternative rock band Oh! You Pretty Things.

Why choose between family or friends, the Charlotte five-piece asks, when you can have both by forging a tightly-knit “band family” from an eclectic group of musicians?

On a conference phone call, 30-year-old vocalist and songwriter Callie Wolfe introduces guitarist and co-founder Joseph Conde as the group’s “band dad,” even though he’s only three years older than her.

“I’m the middle child,” Wolfe says. “I [call] myself ‘dad’s favorite’ just to fuck around with everybody else.” The ersatz family metaphor continues when 42-yearold drummer Aric Gautier is introduced to me as the “cool uncle.” Guitarist Travis Wonderly, a 29-year-old with a penchant for lyrical fretwork and rampaging rock riffs alike, is the baby of the band. Thirty-three-year-old bassist Paul Swanson claims he has no family title.

Conde and Wolfe chime in to correct him in unison by yelling “Oldest child!”

The bandmates are joking, but the closeness they feel for each other is tangible, particularly in their near-telepathic interplay on Oh! You Pretty Things’ latest single and accompanying music video “NYE,” which dropped Jan. 17.

The new song, along with old favorites, will be on the band’s setlist for a show at The Milestone on Feb. 3.

In the video, the band’s second after their debut video for “Say Nothing” in April 2022, glaring red light suffuses a bathroom as Wolfe struggles to climb fully clothed out of the tub. Meanwhile, Swanson’s moody liquid bass, Conde’s chugging and chunky guitars and Gautier’s precise yet swinging percussion weave disparate instrumental strands into a cohesive mid-tempo prowl. Enfolded by Wonderly’s cascading chiming guitar, Wolfe steps out into the night, singing smoothly and sweetly about seduction and betrayal:

“Left lying awake throughout the night/ Throw up both hands without a fight/ Can you see what you’ve

done?/ You got under my skin/ Lies drip from your lips/ Broken promises/ Leave me wanting more...”

Wolfe’s lyrics, many drawn directly from diary entries, are fearless in their vulnerability. While the confessional lyrics of “NYE” touch on betrayal, it’s clear there’s no lack of trust among group members. Wolfe reveals that she’s comfortable sharing raw memories and emotions with her bandmates.

“[‘NYE’] is my most vulnerable song,” Wolfe says. “I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community [and] this was my gay awakening moment … at a New Year’s Eve party.”

Wolfe’s support for the community is echoed by her bandmates.

“Three-fifths of the band identify as non-binary, or not heterosexual,” says Conde. “We’re very much [for] inclusivity and diversity.”

The family that plays together

A blues guitarist, a folk guitarist and a musicloving former performing arts kid walk into a rehearsal space…

That’s not the start of a joke. It’s how the three initial members of Oh! You Pretty Things came together to develop their distinctive brand of altrock fusion. Growing up in Utica, New York, Conde wrote folk songs on guitar and produced beats on his computer. Wolfe grew up in Salem, Virginia, immersed in the pop and rock music her parents loved. She attended the Arnold R. Burton School of Performing Arts in VA and then moved to Charlotte in 2013 to study music and theatre at Queens University.

Conde and Wolfe became neighbors, and started getting together to play Dungeons & Dragons. They bonded over music, and even did a podcast together called Band Pie. After Wolfe asked Conde to form a band with her, the two friends started writing songs together.

Swanson played blues guitar, and built his own instruments in high school, but he earns a living doing theatre gigs. In 2015, he moved to the Queen City and was technical director at Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte until the company’s closure in 2022. Swanson was tapped by Conde and Wolfe to

OH! YOU PRETTY THINGS PERFORM AT PETRA’S.

play drums for their still-untitled band. When his bandmates heard how well Swanson played bass, they promptly fired him from the drum stool and rehired him as a bassist.

One day driving home from work, Conde heard David Bowie’s song “OH! You Pretty Things” for the first time.

“It was one of the most incredible songs I’d ever heard,” Conde says. “The dynamic between his piano opening and this hugely bombastic chorus — you’re like, ‘Where did that come from?’”

Conde texted the song to Wolfe and proposed the title for the name of their nascent band. She readily agreed. While the pair say their music does not sound like the Bowie classic, they feel the tune encapsulates the surprise and sense of the unexpected that their music evokes.

As a threesome, Oh! You Pretty things recorded and released a four-song emo and pop-punkinfluenced EP called N is For Nostalgia in 2019. The band played a few shows before everything shut down in the wake of COVID-19.

“We chilled for a year,” Conde says. “Then we brought on Aric and Travis in 2021, right after the vaccine started coming out.”

Youngstown, Ohio native Wonderly pursued an IT career in Fayetteville until he discovered a broken guitar at a friend’s house. He brought it home, fixed it and taught himself to play. Wonderly dropped out of IT and put himself through school at Catawba College, where he earned a Bachelor’s in Popular Music and Music Business. After playing in the local metal scene, Wonderly went on website Bandmix looking for a change. He found it with Oh! You Pretty Things.

Growing up in New Jersey, Gautier was fired up

by the flowering of grunge, particularly Nirvana, in the mid-1990s.

“Dave Grohl is why I picked up drum sticks,” Gautier says. He formed a progressive metal trio named Shiwan Khan, named after a villain in The Shadow pulp magazine, and subsequent comic books. When the COVID pandemic hit, Gautier and his wife decamped for Charlotte to escape the high cost of Jersey living. Like Wonderly, he discovered Oh! You Pretty Things on Bandmix. After an online interview with the band, Gautier joined the fold.

The seeming serendipity that brought Oh! You Pretty Things together in its band family does not belie the hard work each member has put in to make the group succeed. Each member, however, cherishes the connection they feel from playing with their friends and fellow musicians.

“The crowd definitely feeds off how much we’re a family,” Conde says.

“We all might have different influences, but we’re all listening to [music] for the same reasons,” Swanson says.

Despite her high profile as a dynamic and relatable frontwoman, Wolfe says she shares all her moments of triumph with everyone else in the band.

“I couldn’t do it without them by my side,” she says.

Audiences respond favorably to Oh! You Pretty Things because they can tell how happy and comfortable the musicians are onstage together, Conde offers. He feels lucky to share his good fortune with audiences.

“All I ever wanted was to help people through music the same way that it helped me get through so many good and bad times,” he says.

PHOTO BY CONNOR SCHLOSSER

TO KNOCK ON WOOD

Every stave has a story at Oaklore Distilling

BY KARIE SIMMONS

“How do you start a distillery?” Had Matthews neighbors Matt Simpkins and Thomas Bogan been asked that question five years ago, they would have had no idea how to respond. After all, they were just two dads who met at the elementary school bus stop and bonded over whiskey and fellowship.

It was their shared love for quality spirits that eventually sparked the friends — one a pastor and the other the owner of a construction company — to start making their own.

Bogan, the one who worked in construction, had some experience with home-brewing beer in the past, so he figured it couldn’t be that different.

“I said, ‘Matt, I think we can do this. It’s one step past beer.’ … And he said, ‘Well, then let’s do that,’” Bogan said.

Unlike beer, however, it’s illegal under federal law to make distilled spirits at home, so Simpkins and Bogan experimented with the process by using pre-made distillates like moonshine (unaged whiskey), which they purchased from the ABC store.

They infused the liquor with various flavor profiles and tried several aging methods, from soaking it with different staves (pieces of wood from oak barrels) in jars to placing it in barrels, in order to figure out what made one whiskey better than another.

They also met with and visited other licensed distillers to learn how their processes affect the distillate, eventually obtaining their own license and securing an official distillery space.

“Every step of the way, it became more of a reality, which was really fun,” Bogan said. “One moment would hit and it would kind of open up the real possibility of the next step and the next step and the next step.”

One of those steps came in September when Simpkins and Bogan opened Oaklore Distilling Co., a craft distillery and tasting room located at the corner of Matthews Township Parkway and Monroe Road in Matthews.

The actual distillery space is small — roughly 250 square feet — and separated from the tasting room and bottle shop by a glass wall that allows

visitors to watch them work. That’s where Simpkins and Bogan make their unaged product and process the aged barrels for Oaklore’s whiskeys made with North Carolina grains, including a rye and some bourbons. They also make vodka, rum and gin.

Though already in their dream location near the Matthews/Charlotte border, and already

workaround, which allowed them to have product aging while they waited on their distilling license and worked to secure a space.

“And then the pandemic hit, and then our stuff aged a little longer,” Simpkins said. “So here we are today with aged product on the shelf that is our character and our make.”

Simpkins said North Carolina is taking a little longer to loosen some of what he views as strict laws surrounding liquor and distilleries compared to other states. Only recently did the rule change to allow distilleries to sell bottles of their liquor on site — initially starting as one bottle per customer per year, then three, five and finally, unlimited bottles as of September 2021.

A law allowing NC distilleries to sell bottled spirits on Sundays went into effect on Oct. 1, 2021.

“North Carolina historically has a longer history in bourbon than Kentucky does, but not a lot of people know that and part of that is because Kentucky did a

The partners experienced this firsthand when they found the perfect location for Oaklore in Matthews only to be met with outdated zoning laws that stated a distillery couldn’t open there because it was within 500 feet of a residential neighborhood.

“We were butting up against the fact that breweries were allowed all these freedoms, but distilleries weren’t and we didn’t know why. The current commissioners of Matthews weren’t sure why,” Bogan said. “The town of Matthews was really helpful and willing to work with us to get those things changed, but it was a process.”

In September 2021, Matthews commissioners approved the duo’s rezoning request to allow their distillery to operate at their chosen site, officially setting a precedent to allow distilleries less than 3,000 square feet as a permitted use in neighborhood business districts. Town commissioners also reduced the allowed distance between a distillery and a residence from 500 to 50 feet.

The ruling was not only a win for Oaklore, but also future distilleries in Matthews. And yet Simpkins and Bogan said since then the hurdles and challenges have just kept coming. Bogan said every day there is a new puzzle to solve, but that’s what makes it fun.

“Solve enough puzzles, you get to open a distillery. Solve enough puzzles, you get to stay open,” Simpkins added.

‘The tree, the story’

The distillery’s name, Oaklore, is a nod to how whiskey is made.

As Simpkins explains it, a wooden barrel of bourbon is made of vertical staves, or pieces of oak, that are different sizes, ages and made from different trees growing in various regions and climates. They’re also cured for different amounts of time and come from different cooperages who handle them differently.

discussing potential expansion opportunities for their production and distribution, the friends insist it wasn’t as easy as it may look from the outside — proof the answer to “How do you start a distillery?” isn’t a simple one.

Solving puzzles

When Simpkins and Bogan settled on the idea for a distillery in Matthews, they knew they wanted to open with aged product on the shelf. However, they didn’t have a commercial license yet and state and federal law prohibited them from operating their own still at home to make it.

They used “sister stills” at other distilleries as a

great job of marketing and had some really big money behind it, you know, 100 years ago,” Simpkins said. “As they were putting all those pieces in order post prohibition, they ramped up a whole lot faster.”

Though prohibition was repealed in 1933, North Carolina remained a dry state until 1937, when the state government established an Alcoholic Beverage Control (ABC) system to regulate the manufacture, distribution and sale of alcohol. It’s been almost 90 years and Simpkins and Bogan said there are still local, county and state laws surrounding liquor that should be updated — if only to even the playing field between distilleries, wineries and breweries.

“They all have their own little fingerprint that they put on that whiskey distillate, which ultimately means that every single barrel, every single stave, tells a little bit of a different story,” Simpkins said. “We’re all about the story of that stave, which is how you get oak and lore — the tree, the story.”

It’s a story Simpkins tells guests who visit the distillery to learn about Oaklore’s products, which he said have been flying off the shelves and selling out regularly ever since they opened — enough so that he and Bogan are already talking about expansion.

The partners want to beef up operations to keep up with demand and possibly get into local distribution as Oaklore spirits are currently only

OAKLORE DISTILLING FOUNDERS MATT SIMPKINS (LEFT) AND THOMAS BOGAN. COURTESY OF OAKLORE DISTILLING CO.

FEATURE

available for purchase and consumption at the distillery in Matthews.

Their lineup includes vodka, gin, bourbon and rye, plus ready-made cocktails and alcoholic slushies.

The standard Oaklore bourbon, a four grain straight bourbon whiskey, features a unique blend of corn, wheat, rye and malt, resulting in a deep character and sweet finish. There’s also a North Carolina straight rye, which includes grains sourced from local farms.

In addition, every small batch release, which they call their “Story Series,” has its own profile and story, each packed with rye, spice and sweetness, with different experimental cask finishes.

“We’re really proud of our spirits. It’s important that they’re all sippable and they’re tasty and they have a great nose, a great palate and a great finish,” Simpkins said.

“Some other distilleries in the U.S. push their spirits a little fast and they’re missing some things. We’re trying to put out really high-quality spirits. If our name is going to be on the bottle, we better love it.”

Simpkins and Bogan are also working on procuring more than a dozen vintage bottles of rare bourbon available for pours, with some bottles in the collection dating back to the early 1900s. They hope to begin offering those sometime this spring.

The people’s place

Though it’s not required for entry, Oaklore offers two membership levels for those who want to be a little more involved in the distillery than the average visitor.

The Oaklore Club costs $99 a year and comes with various benefits including an Oaklore glass, free monthly gift, 10% off merchandise, early notification of special release bottles and behindthe-scenes updates.

The Founders Club rings in at $999 a year and comes with all the same benefits as Oaklore Club plus a Founders Club hat; invitations to events like special release, vintage bottle and product development tastings; distillery tour trips and more.

Memberships at this level have been limited to folks who Simpkins and Bogan refer to as a small group of “nerds like us.”

“We love sitting around talking about the mash bill and the make and the yeast and how the barrel affects it and different experimental things that

happen in the bourbon world,” Simpkins said. “And there are people that love sitting around talking about that stuff, too.”

Bogan added that while the memberships tap into a deeper interest, what really gives Oaklore a feeling of community is that it’s a place where anyone is welcome — whiskey connoisseur or not.

“Every time someone walks in, whether they’re a part of the club or not, and they want to try a taste, and they want to buy a bottle, every day that happens is not lost on us,” Bogan said. “To make something that someone else enjoys I think is part of the fascinating thing about this. That is what makes us feel like we’re connected.”

Simpkins likes to tell people that Oaklore is their distillery to use and enjoy, and he’s just happy they’re there. Maybe that comes from his background as a pastor, which he admitted is unusual for someone who makes liquor for a living, but it’s really not that far off.

“I mean, Jesus’ first miracle was about wine and about hospitality and taking great care of the people around you. So it’s not that foreign,” he said, adding that monks have been brewing beer for hundreds of years.

“What’s been great for me here is that I get a chance to talk to people that would never darken the door of a church ever and we could have really great conversations and be a place for people that need a place.”

Now that Oaklore has opened in Matthews, Simpkins and Bogan said they hope to see more distilleries in the area. They want North Carolina to be a distillery destination in the same way people flock to the region’s many breweries.

After all, it wasn’t until 2005 that Piedmont Distillers in Madison brewed the state’s first legal liquor since prohibition, which means this is just the beginning for North Carolina.

“I think that as we figure out what kind of fingerprint we want to lay on that, for the history going forward, we feel really honored that we get to be a part of that,” Simpkins said. “We get to be up and running in such a way that allows for us to be a part of that design.”

And now Simpkins and Bogan have an answer whenever someone asks them how to start a distillery, which just so happened to be the morning of this interview.

As for Simpkins response?

“I said, ‘That’s a great question. There’s a lot to tell you.’”

KSIMMONS@QCNERVE.COM

SAVAGE LOVE MANNERS

If you’re having guy problems I feel bad for you, son

BY DAN SAVAGE

I’m a gay man and I’ve recently started seeing a guy in an open relationship. He’s intelligent, funny, and sexy. He told me early on that his partner is a Dom top, into kink (leather, latex, etc.), that his partner has caged boys, and so on. Moreover, with his partner he’s a “bratty sub,” meaning he engages in erotic disobedience and defiance. I was indifferent to this initially, but I have begun to become aware of his partner’s presence in a way I don’t like, even though I’ve never met the guy. I also find myself feeling resentful and jealous of the idea of him being told what to do, held back, or controlled. (The sex we have is hot, intimate, and intense, as well as completely vanilla.) I know his relationship with his partner is none of my business, but if he truly is a bratty sub, and his partner is a “tamer,” am I just a pawn in their games? Is the intimacy we share in the service of his primary D/s relationship? I like this guy and wish I could be with him but that’s not possible because he and his partner are engaged. I’m okay with that. But I can’t stand the idea of our connection being incorporated into an erotic game he’s playing with his partner. I don’t want to be conscripted into their power exchange. I welcome your advice.

NEITHER BRAT NOR TAMER

Let’s call the guy you’re hooking up with “Brat” and call his fiancé “Dom.” Worst-case scenario, NBNT, Brat goes home and tells Dom everything you’ve been doing together, presumably in a very bratty way, and then Dom punishes Brat for being a slutty brat. If that’s what they’re doing — and we don’t know if that’s what they’re doing — then, yeah, I guess the vanilla sex you’re having with Brat is being “incorporated” into the erotic powerexchange games Brat and Dom play together. You could ask Brat not to tell Dom anything about the time he spends with you, NBNT, but you ultimately can’t control what Brat does or says when he’s alone with Dom … and them telling each other everything might be a condition

of their open relationship … and you attempting to control what Brat says to Dom when they’re alone while at the same time objecting to the control Dom has over Brat is a little hypocritical.

Zooming out for a second: Anyone who doesn’t like the idea of someone they’re fucking talking to a primary partner about the fucking they’re doing shouldn’t fuck primarily partnered people and/or should only fuck primarily partnered people who have DADT arrangements with their primary partners. (Submissive English majors: I order you to diagram that sentence.)

Back to you, NBNT: I think the real issue here is that you’ve caught feelings for Brat. But since you can’t object to Dom’s existence, as Dom was a given at the start (and Dom’s willingness to open the relationship made your connection with Brat possible), you’ve subconsciously landed on the idea of objecting to the sex Brat has with Dom and the possibility that the sex Brat has with you — in addition to being great and hot for you — fuels his connection to Dom. So, it’s not that Brat plays a subordinate role in his relationship with Dom that bothers you (e.g., Brat being told what to do, Dom controlling Brat), but the subordinate role you play in Brat’s life. You want Brat the way Dom has Brat — not the sub part, NBNT, the partner part — and you’re going to have to come to terms with that if you decide to keep seeing Brat.

P.S. Just in case any Tucker Carlson producers are digging through my column looking for things to get outraged about: “caged boys” is a reference to submissive adult men, sometimes called “boys,” who enjoy wearing locking male chastity devices, sometimes called “cages.” Brat’s fiancé is holding the keys to cages with cocks in them, not the keys to cages with children in them.

What is the etiquette for running into people you’ve hooked up with? My partner and I, both males, practice ENM, so long as he doesn’t know who I hook up with and I always play safe. I was recently on my own at a store and saw a guy I hooked up with. I would’ve said hi/acknowledged him, but he was with another guy, so I actively

avoided eye contact since I didn’t know if they were together. But we definitely saw each other, just not at the same time. I want to be ready for when this happens again either when I’m alone or with my partner.

RAN INTO GUY I DICKED

Fucking questions, sucking questions, cock-locking questions — I feel qualified to answer those on my own. But etiquette questions? Those are outside my areas of expertise, RIGID. So, I shared your letter with Daniel Post Senning, great-great grandson of Emily Post and coauthor of Emily Post’s Etiquette: 19th Edition

“Etiquette says we acknowledge people we know with our eyes, a wave, a nod, and a polite ‘How’s it going?’ when we meet in passing,” said Senning. “So long as the other person understands the limits of your romantic connection, there’s no reason for the encounter to be awkward.”

Since you weren’t with your partner, RIGID, you were free to acknowledge your hookup without your partner both noticing and knowing. But let’s say you were with your partner. What then?

“In a small world where we might be managing multiple relationships where the parties would rather not interact or know about each other, it’s a good idea to make explicitly sure everybody knows that fact,” said Senning, “and everyone knows that might mean walking past each other in public or otherwise limiting interactions.”

In other words, RIGID, what you know your partner knows — he would rather not know about your hookups — your hookups need to know, too. It’s a small world and the gay world is even smaller; even if you were to stick to horny tourists and business travelers, your chances of running into a hookup when you’re out with your partner are high. So, you should say something like this to your hookups as you’re showing them to the door: “Hey, that was great. Look, if we run into each other and I’m with my partner, I might not be able to say hi. We’re open but we’re doing the ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ thing, and saying hello to a hot guy like you is a tell. My apologies in advance.”

Now, in the example you mentioned, RIGID, you were alone, but your hookup was with someone else, and you opted to pretend not to see him. Was that the right thing to do, etiquette-wise?

“Thinking about how you manage these moments with consideration for all involved is the right way to think these things through,” said Senning. “RIGID was right to consider the possibility the guy he saw might not want a past hookup to say ‘Hello’ or otherwise engage when he was with someone else.”

While I agree with Senning — and defer to him on all matters of etiquette — I think gay men should err on the side of acknowledging the existence of men whose asses we’ve recently eaten, whenever possible. Ignoring someone we’ve fucked is cold and it can leave that person wondering what they may have done wrong. So, a quick smile and a nod. If the guy he’s with notices — or if the guy you’re with notices — telling a small lie to spare someone’s feelings is a courtesy that etiquette allows.

Some suggestions: “We used to work together,” “He goes to my gym,” “That’s George Santos.”

Daniel Post Senning co-authored Emily Post’s Etiquette: 19th Edition with Lizzie Post, also a great-great grandchild of Emily Post. Together they co-host the podcast Awesome Etiquette

I’m a 42-year-old gay man living in San Francisco, and I can’t stop playing the cum dump. My partner of 10 years wants to marry me next year. That’s not the problem. My problem is that we have ridden an STI train for two years. Every three months we get a positive for something. It’s a roller coaster ride of shots and pills. My partner wants us to close our relationship and get off the STI train. My partner enjoys being topped by me, but he is older and struggles to top me. I’m vers and love bottoming. So, I end up exploring all the normal spots for anonymous sex when I want to get topped. I tried going to these spaces and just giving oral. Something I also love doing, but I always end up bottoming. And I quickly go from “please wear a condom” to “load me up.” My doctor isn’t supportive, and I get lots of “you need to stop doing this” from him. What should I do?

LUSTING OVER ANON DICK

You should find a few regular fuck buddies who can load you up. That won’t eliminate your risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections, LOAD, but having more sex with fewer people will — under most circumstances — significantly lower your risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections. And if you find it hard to stick to using condoms or oral when you visit places where men have anonymous sex, LOAD, you should avoid those places.

Again, I wanna emphasize that finding a small group of regular fuckbuddies isn’t a perfect system for avoiding sexually transmitted infections — only abstinence is, it saddens me to say — but taking non-anon and/or nearly-anon loads from a small number of regulars as opposed to anon loads from a large number of irregulars should result in less time on the STI train. And if you like the sleazy vibes at “the normal spots” for anonymous sex — bathhouses, sex clubs, public sex environments — you can arrange to meet your regular fuck buddies at them.

P.S. Your doctor shouldn’t shame you, LOAD, but you can’t expect your doctor to congratulate you after you’ve contracted your fourth STI in less than a year. And your partner sounds frustrated with the track you’re on. He’s talking about closing the relationship right now, LOAD. If you don’t want him to start thinking about ending it, you’ll make some changes.

P.P.S. Therapy.

Send your burning questions to mailbox@savage.love; podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love!

SUDOKU

BY LINDA THISTLE

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. MUSIC: Which band sang the theme song to TV’s “Friends”?

2. ANATOMY: What is the only bone in the human body that isn’t attached to another bone nearby?

3. LITERATURE: What is the setting for the “Anne of Green Gables” novel series?

4. TELEVISION: Who plays the lead role in the sitcom “Mr. Mayor”?

5. GEOGRAPHY: Where are the Spanish Steps located?

6. HISTORY: How long did the first man in space, Yuri Gagarin, orbit the planet?

7. AD SLOGANS: Which restaurant chain advises customers to “eat fresh”?

8. SCIENCE: What is the only form of energy that can be seen with the human eye?

9. ANIMAL KINGDOM: With which animal do humans share 98.8% of their DNA?

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

10. MOVIES: Which movie features the famous line, “I see dead people”?

CROSSWORD

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Shutting people out to avoid distractions, even under a deadline, can cause hurt feelings. Instead, return calls and emails, and explain why you need a zone of privacy for now.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Although your keen Bull’s eyes usually can discern what’s fact from what’s faux, that upcoming decision will need really solid data before you can risk a commitment.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) As your confidence grows, you should be able to work toward your goals with more enthusiasm. Open your mind to suggestions. Some of them might even work for you.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Reconnecting with someone from your past stirs up that old sense of adventure. But before you do anything else, be sure to get answers to any lingering questions.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Some people might resent the way you plan to resolve a difficult situation. But your commitment to making tough but fair decisions soon wins you their respect and support.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Mixed signals could be causing that vexing workplace problem. Before you choose to leave the project, ask for a meeting so that you can get things out in the open.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Your good intentions could backfire if you’re not careful with other people’s feelings. Try using persuasion, not pressure, to get others to see your side of the situation.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Your dedication to finishing the task at hand is laudable. But be careful not to overdo the midnight oil bit. Take time for relaxation with someone very special.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Although your intuition will help you make some tough choices in the first half of the month, you’ll need more facts to back up your actions later on.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) All that hard work and research in the workplace finally pays off as you hoped it would. Ignore comments from jealous types who are out to get the Goat riled up.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) An unfair decision creates unnecessary problems. But avoid anger and move carefully as you work this out. Expect to get support from an unlikely source.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) A fuzzy financial vista persists until the end of the month, when things begin to clear up. You’ll also gain a better perspective on how to handle pesky personal problems.

BORN THIS WEEK: You have a wonderful way of being there for those who need your help in difficult times.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) You might be hurt by a colleague’s harsh criticism. But don’t let it shake your confidence in what you’re trying to do. A more positive aspect starts to appear by week’s end.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You’re torn between your sensible self and the part of you that enjoys acquiring lovely things. Best advice: Wait for a sale, and then buy yourself something wonderful.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Your artistic side has practical applications this week, such as redecorating your home or redesigning your personal stationery. Whatever you do, someone special will like it.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) You could be drawn into a problem between friends or family members. Best bet: Ask the questions that go to the heart of the matter, and then get them all together for a group hug.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) As much as you love being the center of attention, your big Lion’s heart impels you to share the spotlight with a colleague who helped you with that well-praised project.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Your eagerness to act on a challenge is wisely tempered early in the week by a lack of necessary information. Things begin to clear up during the weekend.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A relationship you’d hoped would keep going seems to be going nowhere. Close it out and move on to a brighter romantic aspect just beginning to manifest itself.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Things don’t go completely as planned this week. But enjoy the surprises, even if you have to adjust your schedule. Some of them could be quite delightful.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Making choices is usually easy for you straight-shooting Archers. But a new development could deflect your aim. Try to put off decisions until you know more.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) While part of you might prefer taking a more familiar path, let your more daring and -- admit it --super-curious self see what the unexplored has to offer.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Those nasty types have slithered back under the rocks and present no more problems. Now’s the time to move ahead on that promising new relationship.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) A new offer could clear up that lingering money problem. Also, a more confident attitude on your part might help you get that personal situation back on track.

BORN THIS WEEK: You have a way of turning chaos into order. You’re also generous with your help for those who seek it.

AERIN IT OUT

YOU WON’T BREAK MY SEOUL

New Seoul Food location has big space energy

BY AERIN SPRUILL

Picture it: The stage is ready, the setlist picked, the lights dim and the hush that falls over your chatty fans turns into a gentle roar as you get ready to belt out the first note of yet another sold-out show. That’s pretty much how my first karaoke duet went during my visit to the new Seoul Food Meat Company Mill District location, opened in the new Lintmen’s food hall in Optimist Park late in 2022.

That’s how I remember it, anyway.

Note to self: Practice rapping Cardi B’s & Megan Thee Stallion’s “WAP” at least two weeks before curtains to avoid embarrassment stumbling through a litany of expletives and raunchy lyrics.

South End regs probably remember that the OG location on South Church Street straight popped off when it opened in 2016. Everybody and their mama (read: Chads, Brads, & puppy parentals) was grappling to get a taste of the extra crispy, extra saucy BAF Wings (which must be short for Big As Fuck because they are humongous, but forgive me if I’m mistaken) and the ramen mac & cheese, served with a side of karaoke and K-pop music videos. It was the perfect concept for an ADHD individual like myself, but would this concept be sticky enough for South End or Charlotte?

Whether it was the relentless South End Chads or puppy moms who single-handedly propelled the business to success, we’ll never know, but, as it turns out, COVID couldn’t “break their Seoul.” (Is a Beyonce reference too much if you’re not a self-proclaimed Beyhive member?) And seven years later, there I was, standing in front of the entrance to Seoul’s second locale, and like the wings, the space is also BAF (15,000 square feet, to be exact).

Who knew after attending a full-blown puppy birthday party complete with doggy cake and playtime in the outdoor dog park that there were even bigger dreams for Charlotte pups to behold? And that goes for the kiddos, too. Imagine washing down chicken wings with a cold beer while your spawn plays on the playground and your bestie pup plays in the dog park. For a cooped-up parent, that’s a pretty solid daydream.

And at night, when the spawn goes to sleep, the adults have an even bigger playground to play on — complete with event space, under-table soccer, two bars, shuffleboard, and of course, karaoke booths. Six colorthemed rooms line the wall to the left after advancing

through a decorative wooden walkway illuminated with hanging, twinkling lights toward the back of the space.

Rental prices range from $60 per hour (for 8-10 people) to $120 per hour (for up to 30 people), so while the prices caused my brow to furrow, don’t get it twisted, you can make a fool of yourself for pretty cheap if you bring a group.

Did I mention the booths are soundproof? So much so that the smile was wiped from my face after returning with a cider because I had no idea before opening the door that I would interrupt a performance note that would rival a goat mid-bleat.

Personally, I’ve never been much of a karaoke person. After being forced to take voice lessons because I was deemed too much of an introvert (believe it or not!), I’ve never wanted to subject myself to the torture that was hitting a wrong note not even halfway through Christina Aguilera’s “Reflection” and crying through the rest of the performance (OK, this happened once but never again).

But in the confines of the purple room, even after a few intimidatingly good performances, a little swig of Soju, a seltzer of some sort, three beers, and more than a couple of duds from other members of your motley crew, you may be whistling a different tune. And that I was.

Both “WAP” and “Busted” by Ronald Isley were total flops when I hit the stage, but the amount of belly laughs that left my cheeks aching were totally worth it.

But listen, don’t go to Seoul Food if you plan on ripping shots all night — unless you’ve got deep pockets. It was only after my girlfriend went to order her reg, a Jager bomb, that we discovered the “shot” (which barely covered the bottom of the shot glass) was $17! And even though menu prices include tax and gratuity is not required, the way my checking and savings are set up, that’s a hard pass from me on shots bruh.

Nevertheless, that Friday evening started with me lamenting to my boyfriend, “I don’t know if I’m going. The reservation is at 10 p.m., that’s w+ay too late a start time for a non-karaoke participant.”

Yet somehow that turned into utter disappointment when the Mill District location closed at midnight, as the lights came on and we had to leave. What can I say? It really was chicken soup for the young-at-heart Seoul. INFO@QCNERVE.COM