Queen City Nerve - February 22, 2023

News: Where did all the lesbian bars go? pg. 4

Food: VIVA Chicken turns 10 pg. 11

PUBLISHER JUSTIN LAFRANCOIS jlafrancois@qcnerve.com EDITOR -

RYAN PITKIN rpitkin@qcnerve.com

DIGITAL EDITOR KARIE SIMMONS ksimmons@qcnerve.com

TABLE OF CONTENTS

NEWS & OPINION

4 The Importance of Space by Annie Keough The causes and effects of losing lesbian bars

ARTS

6 You Are the Museum by Dezanii Lewis NC Poet Laureate Jaki Shelton Green teaches Charlotteans to curate their own past

10 Paint Fumes Go Pop by Pat Moran ‘Real Romancer’ unleashes a cache

FOOD

Thanks to our contributors: Grant Baldwin, Aerin Spruill, Annie Keough, Dezanii Lewis, Rayne Antrim, Hailey Knutsen, Puck Byrne, Ira Rosenberg, Florian Stangl and Dan Savage.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SPACE

The causes and effects of losing lesbian bars

BY ANNIE KEOUGH

Hartigan’s Pub holds a special place in the memory of Dr. La Shonda Mims, assistant professor of history at Middle Tennessee State University and author of Drastic Dykes and Accidental Activists: Queer Women in the Urban South. In multiple times of stress and mourning, Hartigan’s, one of the few lesbian bars to have existed in Charlotte’s history, served as a space for solace.

After losing a custody battle for their son to his biological father, Mims and her spouse went to Hartigan’s Pub. When the Johnston YMCA denied them a family pass in front of their son because they didn’t “qualify as a family,” staff members at Hartigan’s — his “lesbian aunts,” as he called them — whipped him up a fancy ice cream sundae and pointed him toward the Wii in the pool room.

But spaces like Hartigan’s, which was forced to shut down in 2014, are becoming harder to find. Lesbian bars are closing around the nation, and the spaces queer women go to escape the prejudice of a heteronormative world and feel at home are disappearing, leaving the lesbian community wondering: Where do we go now?

A not-so-promising history

According to The Lesbian Bar Project, an organization documenting the decline of queer women’s bars in America, there are less than 25 lesbian bars left in the United States compared to the 200 documented in the 1980s.

Matt Comer was a longtime staffer with Charlotte Pride who, until his recent departure, served as the organization’s spokesperson. He previously worked as a journalist and editor with local LGBTQ publication QNotes. Having recently curated a history of Charlotte’s LGBTQ scene, Comer gave Queen City Nerve some national and cultural contexts for the decline.

According to Comer, all queer bars have been

on the decline over the past couple of decades, but seeing as how there have always been more bars catering to queer men than queer women, it’s the latter group that feels that decline the most.

As Comer put it, “Queer spaces, in some ways, have become victim to the queer rights movement’s success.”

As queer people become more accepted and affirmed in society, they begin to act and behave as customers in the way that anybody else would, he explained. They may choose to go to a mainstream bar after work in a mixed crowd of queer and straight people instead of a gay bar.

According to Comer, there have only ever been three bars in Charlotte that have catered specifically to lesbian and queer women and lasted for more than two years, none of which are still open today. Mims, whose book focuses on the history of lesbian culture in Charlotte and Atlanta, referenced a few more fleeting lesbian bars that barely lasted a full year back in the 1980s, which she only found through scouring old newspaper ads and oral archives.

“The loss of gay and lesbian bars all over the U.S. is staggering and the loss of lesbian space is especially tough,” said Josh Burford, lead archivist at Invisible Histories, an organization dedicated to preserving queer Southern history. “These were places where women could guarantee that they could enjoy a night out without fear of harassment and bother.”

If lesbian bars and spaces are so important to the community, why do they keep shutting down?

While doing research for her book, Mims found that lesbian bars struggle to survive because of economics and what it means to be a woman who not only earns less but is more likely to manage care for families — statistics that are only more defined for non-white women.

“If you compare that to gay men, then you’re

looking at very different economic circumstances,” she said. “So when I look at the bars that came and went in the ’70s and ’80s in Charlotte, I think a lot of it had to do with economic viability.”

This isn’t unique to Charlotte, Mims told Queen City Nerve, but the city’s “business first” mentality created a uniquely difficult experience for queer women organizations.

The introduction of Bank of America solidified Charlotte’s identity as a business town, with the city’s Chamber of Commerce selling itself as “a good place to make money,” Mims said.

The business-first mentality fed into the queer population and forced them to embody a respectability that queer bars simply didn’t have.

“Even when lesbian bars were thriving in other urban spaces, they weren’t thriving in Charlotte,” Mims said. “Charlotte is pro-growth at all costs. They’re gonna put business first ahead of local spaces … and I think the queer community kind of embodies that and doesn’t have the economic clout, especially women, to fight that.”

Burford maintained that the lifespan of a gay bar depends on the crowd that it attracts and the niche that it fills within the community. The niche that lesbian bars fill is, well, lesbians.

“But it’s a lot harder to cater to the most diverse of a very specific population,” added Bethany McDonald, former owner of the shuttered Hartigan’s Pub.

Hattie’s Tap & Tavern owner Jackie DeLoach never set out to open a lesbian bar after her time tending bar at Hartigan’s. Instead, her goal was to

open a neighborhood bar where everyone could feel like part of a community.

“If I were to dub it as a lesbian bar, I probably would have been shut down like all the other ones,” DeLoach said. “It’s just not as lucrative because it’s such a small group of people, honestly.”

DeLoach, like owners of other queer-friendly bars in Charlotte, found a balance to sustain her business while also compensating for the void left to the LGBTQ+ community. Holding themed nights aimed at certain parts of the community allows businesses to remain lucrative without relying on everyday business from such a small portion of the population.

“We shouldn’t have to feel like we have to go off and do our own thing completely separate from the rest of the world because the world needs to understand that we’re fucking here,” DeLoach said.

The loss of designated queer spaces, however, is felt more strongly by some in the queer community, Burford said.

“Personally, the idea that LGBTQ people are ‘welcome’ in [straight] bars is a fine idea, but I and many like me still want spaces of our own where we can, ironically, be less queer than in our regular lives where we are forced to moderate our LGBTQ identities in a majority [straight] world,” he said.

Keeping dedicated spaces alive isn’t always attainable, especially in Charlotte, Mims pointed out.

Historically, the only neighborhoods you would find a gay bar were low-income neighborhoods, Comer said. Charlotte’s “gayborhood” was found

JACKIE DELOACH, OWNER OF HATTIE’S TAP & TAVERN.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

in what is now Dilworth and South End, home to a couple of gay bars, two gay bathhouses, the Charlotte Women’s Center (a central meeting spot for early lesbian activism) and the city’s first gay bookstore, Rising Moon Bookshop, owned by a lesbian.

In the ’60s and ’70s, South End was considered an undesirable place, which made obtaining a loan that much easier and left so-called “sketchy places” like bars alone, Burford added.

Today, homes in Dilworth and South End have a median price range of $1.16-$1.35 million, according to Realtor.com, and The Bar at 316 is the only original gay bar left standing in the former queer haven.

Mims’ research supports the concerning level of comfortability that Charlotte has in gentrifying and knocking down spaces of value for minority communities.

Hartigan’s, for example, could no longer sustain the burden of its landlord increasing the rent of the 6,000-square-foot, crumbling building. McDonald commented on the fickle nature of Charlotte and how everything is the new big thing, making it difficult for niche spaces like lesbian bars to keep going.

Shann Fulton, board chair of Charlotte Black Pride, said gentrification is a main cause of many Black-led spaces’ demise.

“I think that’s a correlation as to why we don’t have any cultural spaces or LGBTQ+ spaces for Black people because it’s unattainable,” he said.

Historically, most spaces were segregated by race, and despite the welcoming nature that queer nightlife symbolizes, it is no exception. Fulton often experiences different treatment in non-Black spaces compared to a space for people of color.

“You want to go someplace where you feel comfortable, where your culture is represented, where you see people that are like you,” he said.

Charlotte Black Pride’s motto is “We are who we are every day,” which is why Fulton said the organization tries to curate events throughout the year to let people know they’re not just around during Pride season.

Where do we go now?

Much like the church has mattered deeply to the Black community, bars have mattered deeply to queer and lesbian communities, Mims said.

While collecting stories for her book and building an archive of her own, Mims realized UNC Charlotte’s digitized archives of QNotes stories were the only place to find the history of Charlotte’s LGBTQ scene.

“[That’s] great, but it’s misunderstanding where our lives are recorded,” she said. “Our lives are recorded in the bar rag that you pick up on the way out of the bar.”

The loss of lesbian bars has echoed throughout the community for years. It’s been nine years since Hartigan’s closed and McDonald still receives pleas from past patrons to hold more reunions because they have nowhere else to go.

“It was like a human had died,” Mims said about

the reaction to Hartigan’s closing.

She is no stranger to the importance the space held, after meeting her spouse of 22 years while getting a Guinness and running into the first person she interviewed for her book in the bathroom stalls.

McDonald mourns the loss of a comfortable space for older lesbians to go and for the younger generation to find community while learning about themselves. “It breaks my heart,” she said.

“It was the first time I felt like I was someone seen,” Starla R. Abernathy, a former patron of Hartigan’s, wrote in a commemorable Facebook post for the bar’s reunion party. “I wasn’t dancing in a dark corner of a straight nightclub with women. It was magical.

“[Hartigan’s] wasn’t a bar. It was a home,” Abernathy continued. “A safe haven. A refuge … We have grown as a community in our rights and expanded our wings within those rights. Yes, we still have far to go, but we have seen new light shed where there was once only shadows.”

Sustainable queer women’s organizations have begun to fill a void in a space with no established queer women’s nightlife. Ariel Dominguez launched Girls Room, curating parties hosted by queer women rather than relying on a fixed venue to hold its crowd.

Girls Room markets its parties on its social media page, providing a date, time and featured showcase

(all women and non-binary musicians) for followers to either buy tickets or attend for free.

“I had never had any space like this when I was growing up, so to be able to provide that for other people is really cool,” Dominguez said. “It kind of puts the power back in our hands … so that we have a say in this party.”

Dominguez’s goal is to create a place where women feel more comfortable knowing that the whole party is, from beginning to end, organized by women and allies.

The need for queer spaces will never die out in the community. Queer people use these places to build queer politics, community and safety. Queer women in particular, who have been ignored throughout women’s history, find identity within lesbian bars, and it’s not something they’re willing to lose.

Mims believes that the longevity of queer space and place is recorded more heavily in print than within the walls of lesbian bar spaces.

“I would argue that’s quieter activism; that’s quieter visibility,” she said. “To walk in the lesbian bar is in and of itself, at some level, activist because it’s increasingly visible.”

This story is a plea to the Charlotte community: See us.

BETHANY MCDONALD, FORMER OWNER OF HARTIGAN’S.

PHOTO BY GRANT BALDWIN

YOU ARE THE MUSEUM

NC Poet Laureate Jaki Shelton Green teaches Charlotteans to curate their own past

BY DEZANII LEWIS

People revere museums and exhibits because of the history and knowledge surrounding them and the way those institutions captivate them, but few people realize that they can house their own museums. North Carolina Poet Laureate Jaki Shelton Green hopes to change that.

“If we walk through our homes, all our homes are museums,” she said.

Green is North Carolina’s first Black poet laureate and the third woman to hold the position. She will host her Personal Museum Workshop at the Charlotte Museum of History on Feb. 25 as part of the museum’s annual African American Heritage Festival.

The workshop invites attendees to explore their own personal museums from multiple perspectives. Green encourages attendees to bring letters, photos and heirlooms to explore stories and legacies that exist in their everyday lives.

“I believe that what we keep keeps us,” she told Queen City Nerve. “You should pay attention to how a culture and a country decides on what’s important enough to put in museums. It’s the same thing in our lives.”

Whether they are exploring private areas they do not want anyone to see or public areas they do not mind sharing with anyone, Green wants people to explore it all. She wants people to think of the spaces in their museums as “rooms” in order to best compartmentalize and navigate the feelings associated with them.

“There might be rooms that have been locked for a long time and you are ready to open them,” she said. “Your human museum should have a room of your dreams, a room of sorrow, a room for the ancestors. But everybody’s museum is different.”

Green added that her own museum has a dance floor and a soundtrack.

By exploring parts of themselves that are often ignored or locked away, the event’s main goal is to explore the legacies that exist in these personal museums.

A bigger world

Born in Alamance County and raised for much of her childhood in Orange County, Green has lived in North Carolina off and on throughout her life. As a child, she attended a Quaker boarding school in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, and went to college in Minnesota and Maryland.

It’s the boarding school experience that truly changed her, Green insists.

She had rarely experienced cultures outside of her own, nor had she been away from her family. The boarding school taught her that she could dream, that she could travel the globe, and that a bigger world existed.

“For the first time, things were not black and white. It opened my world,” she said. “My peers, my classmates were from all over the world. It was very diverse. So many different cultures interfacing and interacting and living together.”

Once she knew there was more to see, she wanted nothing more than to experience it. She began to dream of things she would never have dreamed of before, like traveling the world and owning a house in Morocco.

“That experience was really the beginning of wanting to explore the globe, my existence,” she said. “Wanting to experience more and more people who are not just like me. I’m fascinated with things I don’t know.”

“I like getting lost in foreign countries. And my prep school experience really prepared me for this early on.”

Before Green went to the Quaker school, she had been attending segregated public schools in her hometown, some of which she helped integrate. She ended up at the boarding school after she organized a walkout which resulted in her expulsion.

Leaving the South to be introduced to a bigger world at the Quaker school was likely a blessing in disguise and a necessary catalyst. After all, she did eventually get that house in Morocco.

Poet as a verb

Green was nominated to her position by Gov. Roy Cooper in 2018. Traditionally a two-year appointment, he reappointed her in 2021.

“It’s an honor to be nominated by my peers,” she said. “I carry it and I don’t take it lightly because I know that the ancestors on one side of me and the unborn children are on the other side of me. I’m standing with my ancestors and I’m standing with a future as a Black Southern woman who grew up in the rural South.

“I know what my trajectory has been like,” she continued, “and it’s been different than some of my white counterparts. But I’m very proud and honored to be in this position and to have a voice that helps people.”

Though Green’s appointment is historical, it is also worth noting that it shouldn’t be. North Carolina’s first poet laureate was appointed in 1948, meaning it existed 70 years before a Black person was given the role.

“It was long overdue,” she said. “I think the timing was perfect. I think 2018 was a ripe year.”

Green looked to Joy Harjo, the first Native American Poet Laureate of the United States, for inspiration.

“She’s my peer, we both were 69,” she said. “That’s a long time for women of color to not have been at the table. And not just women, but any person of color.”

While Green is honored to be in her role, she said she did not need the title. She explained that

the word ambassador means to serve, and she has been doing that all along.

“I have lived the legacy of poet [and] of serving the people,” she said. “I love being poet laureate, but I don’t need the title. I built this. I built the tables, that’s what I teach people to do. You’re not being served at the table you think you want to be at? Build your own table. There’s enough wood, there’s enough work. The need is there.”

Green emphasized how she lived this role long before she was appointed to it. Because she views the term poet as a verb rather than a noun, she has been able to live her life accordingly and serve those in need through poeting, as she calls it.

“Poetry does not just live on the page,” she said. “We are always poeting. I’m always being the voice because through poetry, we can also serve the dispossessed, the disadvantaged, those without voices.”

It’s not apathy that Green feels toward the title, however, as he’s still enjoying everything that comes with the role: teaching others, being a voice for the voiceless, and meeting new people.

“I’m enjoying traveling the state and being with audiences of so many different diverse community groups,” she said.

Curating our own museums

While the Personal Museum Workshop may be new to residents of Charlotte, it is not a new concept. Green has been operating this workshop for around 40 years. She was driven to it from her

JAKI SHELTON GREEN

COURTESY OF CHARLOTTE MUSEUM OF HISTORY

desire to simply learn more about people and their history, which originated at her boarding school.

“I love anthropology, and I love this notion that all of us are human museums,” she said. “And it’s an interesting way to have people look at themselves and to see how much history and how much cultural information is sitting on a bookshelf or sitting on a coffee table or sitting on a dining room table or in the drawer.”

“If we had a conversation with the great grandmother’s teapot, we might learn something about the great grandmother,” she explained.

Her audiences have ranged from all sorts of backgrounds: chaplains, oncologists, students, women and men. She’s even done this workshop with inmates on death row. The audience variety, and her eagerness to help them, speak to her claim of living her legacy and serving people.

The workshop explores much of our histories, much of our artifacts, the meaning behind them, and how they have impacted our lives.

“All of these things that we keep, it’s just not the thing,” Green said. “It’s the story of all these things. It’s like, if you were to tell me, ‘Well, I have my mom’s frying pan, and this is what she always cooked chicken for us on Sunday with,’ that frying pan is an artifact.”

The pan may seem like a pan on the surface, but it has stories of its own, stories that can only be told by exploring its history.

“We don’t think about how these everyday objects that we use have a story,” she said. “What are the stories inside of whose hands have cleaned that pot? And how we care about these things? I’m going to invite people to explore what’s in their own museum.”

Green encourages everyone to imagine themselves like a museum, with exhibit halls both public and private, open and closed, small and large.

Another exercise is for people to write a letter to the curator of their museum — themselves, ideally.

“If you’re not the curator of your own museum, you should be trying to figure out why not,” she said. “That’s your museum and nothing should be in it but your stuff.”

That is one of the reasons Green believes these workshops to be so important: You may be holding onto someone else’s baggage without even realizing it.

“It’s kind of like an excavation,” she said. “I’ve never done one of these where people were not just blown away by what came up for them.”

Green believes that failing to observe these personal museums and legacies can lead to creativity blocks.

“If you’re a writer or creative maker, a lot of us will say, ‘I really want to write, but I just can’t get started,’” she said. “If you breathe, you can write. Write about your breath or just three words: ‘I am here.’”

In exploring these legacies, Green mentioned how much she thought minimalist living could harm people’s ability to curate their museums if they discard everything.

“Some historian will want to know that story,” she said, referring to the items people often throw away. She also stated that she is concerned about deceased relative’s belongings disappearing after they pass on.

Green’s own mother passed away in December of 2022. She was 106. In going through her mother’s belongings, she found several items that she wanted to keep.

“She has this jewelry drawer that I just have not been able to get through,” she said. “I’m not ready because I need to sit with those pieces. A lot of things will be given away, but not until after I’ve had my conversations with them.”

Green explained that everyone’s personal museum is constantly changing, which is why she encourages people to revisit them periodically. When attendees are done with their first session, however, she hopes they will take the lessons they learned out into the world.

“It’s a great project to do when you’re working with creative makers, or I like doing this with elders and retired people,” she said. “I always hope that it’s something where it really reflects back who they are to themselves.”

Her desire is twofold, though. Not only does she want attendees to take their stories out into the world and share them with others, she wants them to make additional discoveries once they have begun to share.

“That’s the biggest takeaway for this exercise, is that when we talk about our human museums with each other, we realize that our lives are not too different from each other,” she said. “People may see things in a different way, but we all got that [junk] drawer, and we all got the crazy aunt.”

“We all have something in common when we start doing these movements. So I think that would be really enriching for a community to look at what it’s holding.”

VISITORS LOOK AT A DIORAMA. COURTESY OF CHARLOTTE MUSEUM OF HISTORY

‘MY MEXICAN BRETZEL’

Give My Mexican Bretzel writer and director Nuria Giménez props for releasing a silent film — save for a few sound effects — in 2019, but that is the least of her accomplishments in this home movie documentary turned delicate fantasy. Onscreen subtitles, ostensibly taken from diary entries by socialite Vivian Barrett, are combined with footage shot from the 1940s through the 1960s by Vivian’s husband Léon, a former World War II pilot. The resulting reverie on relationships is remarkable — especially when it becomes obvious that Vivian Barrett doesn’t exist; she’s solely Giménez’s creation. More: $8-$10; Feb. 23, 7 p.m.; Bechtler Museum, 420 S. Tryon St.; bechtler.org

2023 JURIED STUDENT EXHIBITION

UNC Charlotte’s Department of Art & Art History hosts a reception and awards ceremony for the 2023 Student Juried Exhibition. This year’s jurors, vice president and creative director of the McColl Center for Art + Innovation Jonell Logan and nationallyknown Charlotte-based artist Juan Logan, received submissions from 95 art students and narrowed the selections down to 50 pieces, including installations, concept sketches, ceramics, paintings, photography and animation. The reception includes a talk by the jurors before award winners are announced. The exhibit runs through March 31.

More: Free; Feb. 24, 11:15 a.m.; Rowe Galleries at UNC Charlotte, 9119 University Road; coaa. charlotte.edu

BOY NAMED BANJO, OUT OF THE BLUE

“Let a spark turn into a fire/ Let it burn into the night...” With roiling acoustic guitars, buckling banjo and soaring sidewinding electrics, up-and-coming Nashville quintet Boy Named Banjo charts a fringe course far different from the trajectory favored by mainstream country warblers. With a solid backbeat you would expect from former garage rockers, BNB weaves emotional roots-driven lyrics and melodies through an energetic blend of alt rock, folk-pop and bluegrass that applies the sparking defibrillator paddles to commercial country’s sluggish heart

More: $12-$15; Feb. 24, 8 p.m.; Coyote Joe’s, 4621 Wilkinson Blvd.; coyote-joes.com

‘ALI’S COMEBACK: THE UNTOLD STORY’

“I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong.” With those words, world heavyweight champion Muhammad Ali voiced defiance to racism and the Vietnam-era war machine. By 1970, Ali was convicted of draft evasion, banned from boxing, and stripped of his title. This documentary tells the remarkable story behind the boxing match that marked Ali’s triumphant comeback. A ticketed reception will be held before each showtime and a Q&A with Muhammad Ali’s first wife Khalilah Ali and Ali’s Comeback director Art Jones follows each screening.

More: $12; Feb. 25, 7 p.m., Feb. 26, 1 p.m.; Independent Picture House, 4237 Raleigh St.; independentpicturehouse.org

‘CRUEL INTENTIONS’

Boasting innuendo about “booty sex” and boy-band dance moves, Cruel Intentions is a 1990s-set jukebox musical with songs by The Verve, Britney Spears and more. The plot, about two diabolical sex and power-obsessed step-siblings, boasts a complicated bloodline; the 2015 musical, derived from a 1999 film starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, is an adaptation of the 1782 novel Les Liaisons dangereuses, which was more faithfully filmed as Dangerous Liaisons (1988). But don’t be confused, the show transcends its origins as millennial nostalgia porn and becomes perverse fun for all.

More: $18; Feb. 25-26, 7:30 p.m.; Free Will Craft + Vine, 3701 N. Davidson St.; freewillcraftvine.com

DROPKICK MURPHYS

Since launching in 1996, the Dropkick Murphys have mixed the passion of traditional Irish music with the firepower of British oi and American hardcore — the two most stripped-down variants of punk. So, it came as a surprise in 2022 when the band released its most poetic and political album — and an acoustic one to boot. This Machine Still Kills Fascists takes its name from a mission statement that Dust Bowl folk prophet Woody Guthrie scrawled on his guitar. Like Billy Braggs’ Mermaid Avenue (1998), the Murphys’ entire album is written around previously unreleased poetry and lyrics by Guthrie.

More: $48 and up; March 1, 7 p.m.; Fillmore Charlotte, 820 Hamilton St.; fillmorenc.com

JOE BONAMASSA

A former teen prodigy who studied under 1970s-’80s Telecaster master Danny Gatton, Joe Bonamassa is often hailed as the blues-based six-string slinger par excellence of his generation. The accolades, however, don’t quite capture Bonamassa’s complexity. Drawing from an era when the blues guitar-based riffs of Cream, Hendrix and Ten Years After topped commercial charts, Bonamassa keeps touch with his forbears, but also stretches their hard rock DNA to include acoustic as well as more muscular tones, and his dynamic songwriting grabs attention while separating blues from bombast.

More: $59 and up; March 3, 8 p.m.; Ovens Auditorium, 2700 E. Independence Blvd.; boplex. com

THOUSAND DOLLAR MOVIE, SIEGE HARDEE, SOLIS, WHISTLER

Thousand Dollar Movie celebrates the Feb. 24 digital and cassette release of their new EP, Give Me A Year, on Four Finger Records. Kicking off with a spoken word cameo by Mike Watt of Minutemen, the collection of six instrumentals crackles with the excitement of a tight band recording live on the floor. The song cycle ranges from the New Order-style melancholy of the title track to the punky jackhammer gallop of “Central Ave.” Labelmates SOLIS’s lush, dreamlike electronic pop, rhythmic tunesmith Siege Hardee and CLT indie rockers Whistler round out the show. More: $9-$12; March 4, 8:30 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

CHEEM, BUMMER HILL, EQUAL CREATURES

Three bands offer modern and emotional takes on art-rock. Connecticut-based Cheem’s current single “Mango Glitch Gum Remix” kicks off like bouncy eight-bit background music for a retro video game before becoming an earnest pop tune with soaring choruses and jackhammer hard-rock flourishes. Riding intricate coiling guitars and an insistent melody, Atlanta emo-rockers Bummer Hill launch their City Limit EP with the sublime “Isn’t It Strange?” Tilling the same eclectic emo field as Bummer Hill is fellow Atlanta-based band Equal Creatures, crafting catchy songs about surviving, switching medication and queerness.

More: $12; March 6, 8 p.m.; The Milestone, 3400 Tuckaseegee Road; themilestone.club

‘COME FROM AWAY’

In September 2001, the tiny Newfoundland town of Gander reluctantly opened it arms to the passengers and crews of 38 planes that were forced to land after the 9/11 attacks. A hit Canadian musical, with book and songs by Irene Sankoff and David Hein, Come From Away has been revamped since its 2017 Broadway run, gaining a tighter, bawdier script. The show has been criticized for pushing enough emotional buttons to make the audience feel like an accordion, but in 2023, the story resonates even more deeply because the sentiment is honestly earned.

More: $25 and up; March 7-12; Belk Theater, 130 N. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org

Photo by Ira Rosenberg/Library of Congress

JOE BONAMASSA 3/3

Photo by Florian StanglCreative Commons

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 22

BLUES/JAZZ

Wired: A Tribute to Jeff Beck w/ Emanuel Wynter (Middle C Jazz)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Fat Wednesday Potluck (Snug Harbor)

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Karma Vulture w/ The Donner Deads, Mean Green (The Milestone)

Paul Thorn Band (Neighborhood Theatre)

Neptune Flyer w/ Two Eyes Open, The Sour (Petra’s)

Thelma & the Sleaze (Snug Harbor)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Will Overman and The Mallett Brothers Band (Evening Muse)

JAZZ/BLUES

Sol Fusion (Middle C Jazz)

OPEN MIC

Open Mic Night w/ Josh Daniel (Tommy’s Pub)

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Lenny Federal (Comet Grill)

Bakalao Stars w/ Barrax Giggaz (Evening Muse)

Big Head Todd and The Monsters (The Underground)

Bottomfeeders w/ Snake Father, Yosemite in Black, Shanked, Detest the Throne (The Milestone)

Dovecage (The Rooster)

Early Moods w/ Witchpit, Rocky Mtn Roller (Snug Harbor)

Leisure McCorkle (Tommy’s Pub)

Third Eye (Tool tribute) w/ Joe Hero (Foo Fighters tribute) (Amos’ Southend)

Abbey Road Live! (Beatles tribute) (Visulite Theatre)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

J.I.D. w/ Smino (The Fillmore)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Boy Named Banjo (Coyote Joe’s)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Shadow Play (Crown Station)

Ape Audio Presents (Starlight on 22nd)

JAZZ/BLUES

Jeremy Davenport (Stage Door Theater)

Eric Darius (Middle C Jazz)

Jazz Is Led (Neighborhood Theatre)

CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony: Bruch Violino Concerto (Knight Theater)

ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER

Alexa Jenson w/ Te’Jani, Low Groves (Petra’s)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Coconut Groove Band (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Truckstop Preachers (Comet Grill)

Clout Chaser w/ haunt3d, Noise Florist (Petra’s)

Buffalo Kings Duo (Primal Brewery)

Orphan Riot w/ The Planks, Mean Sweetie, The Ruff’tons (The Rooster)

Anything Goes (Guns’ n Roses tribute) (Amos’ Southend)

Abbey Road Live! (Beatles tribute) (Visulite Theatre)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

David Graham & The Eskimo Brothers (Evening Muse)

JAZZ/BLUES

Jeremy Davenport (Stage Door Theater)

Gregory Porter (Belk Theater)

Blues Alright Tour (Ovens Auditorium)

Electric Kif w/ Sam Fribush Trio (Evening Muse)

Eric Darius (Middle C Jazz)

Charlie Lamprecht (Starlight on 22nd)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Eric Bellinger (The Underground)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Modern Bass Music w/ Cinematic Romance, Bass Canviss, Saligia, Wavlo, Juice (Crown Station)

Subtronics (The Fillmore)

Digital Noir w/ DJ Price (The Milestone)

CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL

Charlotte Symphony: Bruch Violino Concerto (Knight Theater)

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Backslidew/ If Only, Team Deathmatch, Slugcrust, Heft (The Milestone)

Telltale w/ FRND CRCL, Lowborn, The Dirty Lowdown (Neighborhood Theatre)

Dave Killian (The Rooster)

Carolina Beer Money w/ The Trick Threat (Tommy’s Pub)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Tower of Power (Knight Theater)

K. Michelle (The Fillmore)

JAZZ/BLUES

Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Beatfreaq (Starlight on 22nd)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Celtic Session w/ Alan Davis & Friends (Tommy’s Pub)

CHRISTIAN/GOSPEL/RELIGIOUS

Winter Jam 2023 (Spectrum Center)

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 27

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

Ari Lennox (The Fillmore)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)

Patt Mostle’s Monthly Jazz Jam (Tommy’s Pub)

OPEN MIC

Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Space Lazers (Evening Muse)

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Apes of the State w/ Dana Skully and the Tiger Sharks (Evening Muse)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

DVSN (The Fillmore)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)

Cosmic Funk Jam (Crown Station)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Lost Cargo: Tiki Social Party (Petra’s)

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 1

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Dropkick Murphys (The Fillmore)

Dollar $igns w/ Family Video, Peach Rings (Snug Harbor)

JAZZ/BLUES

Good Shot Judy (Middle C Jazz)

OPEN MIC

Tosco Music Open Mic (Evening Muse)

THURSDAY, MARCH 2

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Razor Braids w/ Dreamboat, Monsoon (Snug Harbor)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

NC Bluegrass Jam Night (Birdsong Brewing)

Pierce Pettis w/ Tylor Hill, Low Groves (Evening Muse)

Alan Doyle w/ Chris Trapper (Neighborhood Theatre)

JAZZ/BLUES

Mike Jones w/ Heather Hayes (Middle C Jazz)

FRIDAY, MARCH 3

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Mac Saturn (Amos’ Southend)

Joe Bonamassa (Ovens Auditorium)

Culture Fix (Evening Muse)

The Menders w/ Skayway 61, Jameson Tank, Auroras

Hope (The Milestone)

2 Slices w/ Powder Horns, French Cassettes (Snug Harbor)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Jon Langston (Coyote Joe’s)

Muscadine Bloodline (The Underground)

JAZZ/BLUES

Brandon Stevens (Middle C Jazz)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

The Dancing Fleas (The Rooster)

LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE

Enter the Haggis (Neighborhood Theatre)

SATURDAY, MARCH 4

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Jackopierce (Evening Muse)

Bad Ties w/ Ink Swell, Physical Digital, Jordyn Zaino (The Milestone)

Thousand Dollar Movie w/ Siege Hardee, SOLIS, Whistler (Petra’s)

Fear Illusion w/ The Wandering, Trailer Park Orchestra (The Rooster)

Celebrity Death Slot Machine w/ Telepathetics, Jenny Besetzt, De()t (Snug Harbor)

Rattle & Hum (U2 tribute) (Amos’ Southend)

The Dirty Doors (The Doors tribute) (Visulite Theatre)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Broadway Rave (The Underground)

JAZZ/BLUES

Tracy Hamlin (Middle C Jazz)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B

The Dip w/ Juice (Neighborhood Theatre)

ACOUSTIC/SINGER-SONGWRITER

Mike Massé (Stage Door Theater)

Chris McGinnis (Primal Brewery)

SUNDAY, MARCH 5

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Collective Insanity w/ Cyberdelics, Jacc D. Frost, King Nyne (The Milestone)

South of Dallas w/ Fast Timez (The Rooster)

JAZZ/BLUES

CLT Blues Society Blues Jam (Neighborhood Theatre)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Mark O’Connor (Booth Playhouse)

POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ

Hazy Sunday (Petra’s)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

The Grass is Dead (Grateful Dead tribute) w/ Josh Daniel (Visulite Theatre)

MONDAY, MARCH 6

ROCK/PUNK/METAL

Cheem w/ Bummer Hill, Equal Creatures (The Milestone)

JAZZ/BLUES

The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)

TUESDAY, MARCH 7

JAZZ/BLUES

Braxton Bateman (Evening Muse)

The Jive Aces (Middle C Jazz)

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA

Country 103.7’s Tanner Guitar Pull feat. Parmalee, Ingrid Andress, Joe Nichols, Pricilla Block (Coyote Joe’s)

FUNK/JAM BANDS

Cosmic Funk Jam (Crown Station)

VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING.

PAINT FUMES GO POP

‘Real Romancer’ unleashes a cache of catchy love songs

BY PAT MORAN

Back in January 2011, the riotous and raunchy punk band Paint Fumes played its first show, unleashed from the dank, graffiti-festooned basement of Sewercide Mansion, a notorious party house on Woodvale Place in Charlotte.

The band’s adrenalized crunch dominates their earliest tunes. “Egyptian Rats,” the title song of Paint Fumes’ debut EP, erupts in a squall of feedback before descending into the chaos of Brett Whittlesey’s ratcheting guitar, Josh Johnson’s clattering drums and singer/co-founder Elijah von Cramon’s razor-blade vocals. It’s a thunderous roar with zero separation between the instruments and vocals, and yet an insistent and catchy melody lights up the ensuing cacophony.

Pop craftsmanship has always been part of Paint Fumes’ brilliance. It simply took the power of love to bring it to the forefront on the band’s latest album, Real Romancer, which hits the streets April 14 on Dig Records. The band celebrates the March 3 release of its “Book of Love” single, as well as the start of its fourth European tour, at Snug Harbor on March 8.

Real Romancer is von Cramon’s favorite Paint Fumes album, he says.

“It’s more mature,” he told Queen City Nerve. “It’s a record I never would have thought I would have written, but always wanted to have written.”

In the meantime, Paint Fumes’ frenetic, go-forbroke music has contributed to a growing body of punk-rock folklore about the band, augmented by von Cramon’s adventurous life.

During his career, von Cramon encountered an uncleanable carpet stain at Sewercide Mansion, where a previous occupant killed himself with a shotgun. His then-girlfriend Sidney Nieboer had an alien encounter at Sewercide that she subsequently shared with Queen City Nerve.

A severe accident a few years later left von Cramon pronounced dead for five minutes. As he slowly recuperated from his injuries, he performed in side project The Rolling Lords while confined to a wheelchair.

In 2020, while on a third European tour, the band’s van was burgled in Barcelona and all of Paint Fumes’ personal property, instruments and equipment were stolen. Then a COVID lockdown nearly stranded the band at the border of Italy and Switzerland. The

band’s van was one of the last to get through before the Italian authorities closed the border.

“There’s a weird Paint Fumes curse,” von Cramon insists.

Committing Sewercide and recuperation

The son of reggae musician Edward “Iword” Sprinkle and nephew to Queen City weatherman Larry Sprinkle, von Cramon has spent his whole life in Charlotte. He remembers Ziggy Marley stopping by the family home to visit his father, who split from the family when von Cramon was 3.

The Paint Fumes frontman is related to German royalty, with the full name Baron Elijah Nico Erdmann von Cramon.

Exposed to skater videos, von Cramon was drawn to the punk rock that comprised the culture’s soundtrack.

Moving into Sewercide with Nieboer, von Cramon started booking bands for basement house parties. After a bad experience with psychedelics plagued him with panic attacks and suicidal urges, von Cramon found relief in learning how to play guitar and planning to start a band.

Influenced by The Ramones and Los Angeles blues-punks The Gun Club, Paint Fumes wasted little time taking off. A five-hour recording session yielded all the songs on Egyptian Rats as well as Paint Fumes’ debut album Uck Life. Connections forged at house parties, namely with Slovenly Records owner Pete Menchetti, led to Uck Life’s 2012 release on his label.

After breaking up with Nieboer, von Cramon moved into a house on Parkwood Avenue. A few weeks before Paint Fumes’ first scheduled European tour, von Cramon started crossing the street to the corner store. In the darkness, a truck with its lights switched off rounded a blind curve; von Cramon never saw what hit him.

“I woke up in the ICU with them hammering a rod through my knee,” von Cramon says. With a shattered pelvis, torn ligaments in both knees, a shattered hip and brain trauma, von Cramon had to relearn how to walk and was in a wheelchair for much of 2013. All the while, he wrote songs.

When von Cramon recuperated he was ready to tour Europe. Whittlesey, however, couldn’t go and Johnson briefly quit the band, so von Cramon recruited

drummer Ian Rose and guitarist Ben Carr to go overseas with him. When this version of Paint Fumes returned stateside, it recorded If it Ain’t Paint Fumes, It Ain’t Worth a Huff (2016) in Puerto Rico with Whittlesey on guitar and Carr on bass. For the album’s release, the band switched from Slovenly to Get Hip Recordings.

“Puddle of Blood” is a stand out track on the album. After a twanging ominous opening, the band gallops into a Spaghetti western-style rave up. This time von Cramon’s vocal is higher in the mix.

Paint Fumes find love

The original Paint Fumes trio reformed to record What a World (2019), von Cramon’s response to another breakup and the rise of Trumpism. On “In My Head,” von Cramon’s snotty Stiv Bators-style vocal advances a pure pop melody through a cacophonous maelstrom. Although the album’s sound is smooth, the songs are thematically dark.

“A lot of people’s true colors came out [then],” von Cramon says. “It was like, ‘Damn, people suck.’”

Things only got worse. A third European tour brought the Barcelona van break-in, with the band nearly getting stranded in Italy; von Cramon barely got out of Berlin before another lockdown. Upon his return to Charlotte, he lost touch with Whittlesey and Johnson. Eventually, von Cramon replaced his stolen guitar and started playing music with his roommate Nic Pugh of Jaggermouth and Dreamboat.

Instead of burying pop melodies in punk songs, von Cramon started writing more overtly pop melodies. The first song he wrote when he got back home was the Rolling Stones-style country rocker “Still Lookin’,” which appears on Real Romancer.

Pugh plays slide guitar on the tune.

Then von Cramon met someone and fell in love.

“It was an unconventional relationship,” he says. “It had a huge impact on me.”

Even though the relationship ended after a year, von Cramon feels his ex-partner has been his muse.

“[They have] inspired the most songs I’ve written ever, and I like all of them,” von Cramon says. This time, instead of penning tunes about panic attacks, heartbreak and desolation, von Cramon has been writing about love.

With Pugh on bass and Alex Greenberg on drums, von Cramon turned to Joe Boyland of Comino. Boyland took the guitar parts of the demos von Cramon wrote, and improved them without fundamentally changing them. The band’s new pop approach was emphasized by Real Romancer producer Dan Dixon, who applied his expertise to details like guitar tones and baking vocals.

“We’ve never had a producer before,” von Cramon says. “He was amazing.”

Attention to detail and a pop sensibility is at the forefront of new single “Book of Love.” Von Cramon specifically requested Greenberg open the song with the drum beat from the Ronettes’ 1965 hit “Be My Baby.” Through plangent reverberating guitar chords, von Cramon’s vocals sail, emotive and unbridled: “Past lives gone by/ You took me by surprise/ Another lonely night...”

Paint Fumes’ pop harvest may have been sown long ago, but it finally blossoms on “Book of Love.”

“A lot of people go off our old stuff,” von Cramon says. “I want them to realize that we have more depth, and I’m capable of writing more than just some punk song.”

PAINT FUMES

PHOTO BY PUCK BYRNE

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER

VIVA Chicken celebrates a decade of growth

BY KARIE SIMMONS

At 11 a.m. on Feb. 20, 2013, VIVA Chicken opened its doors to its very first customer on Elizabeth Avenue in Charlotte. The fast-casual Peruvian rotisserie chicken joint was the first of its kind in the area, and that made co-founder Randy Garcia a little nervous.

Would Peruvian food work in Charlotte? Was this a mistake? Would VIVA Chicken last?

Garcia became convinced that the answers to these questions, and subsequently the fate of his restaurant, depended entirely on this first customer’s experience.

“I remember all of us kind of peeked around the corner while he was eating just to see his facial reactions — this was our first actual paying customer — because we wanted to see, does he really like it? Is he kind of liking it?” Garcia recalled.

The customer ended up loving it and came back the next day with five people in tow. Garcia said VIVA Chicken has been spreading that way ever since.

“People come in, we give them a great experience and the rest takes care of itself,” Garcia said.

Ten years later and it seems the rest really has been taking care of itself. Since opening day in the Elizabeth neighborhood, VIVA Chicken has expanded to 16 restaurants with more than 500 employees across the Carolinas, Georgia and Utah. The company has also undergone a visual rebranding, weathered pandemic shutdowns and supply chain woes, and added services like catering, online ordering and an app.

In celebration of its 10th anniversary, VIVA Chicken partnered with Amélie’s French Bakery to create a limited-edition churro macaron that can be purchased at Charlotte restaurants and the NoDa, Park Road and Carmel Commons Amélie’s locations through March 10.

It’s a pinch-me moment for Garcia, who said VIVA Chicken’s decade of growth feels surreal. For him, it seems like just yesterday that he and cofounder Bruno Macchiavello were coming up with “this little idea” for a Peruvian chicken concept.

At the time, the longtime friends hoped to have one, maybe two, successful locations; they never imagined it would take off like it has.

From the streets of Peru

Garcia grew up around fine dining at his parents’ Italian restaurant, Villa Antonio, which opened in Charlotte in 1987 and operated two locations on

South Boulevard and in Ballantyne Village.

Macchiavello was the head chef there and Garcia helped him as a kid in the kitchen by washing dishes and prepping ingredients. They stayed in touch even after the family sold the restaurant in the early 2000s and over time, Macchiavello, a native of Peru, and Garcia, whose wife is from Peru, began talking about opening a Peruvian chicken place together.

When they eventually decided to launch VIVA Chicken — pairing Macchiavello’s family recipes and expertise in the kitchen with Garcia’s front-ofhouse experience — the initial intent was to have two locations at most. But before they could even think of expanding that far, they knew they had to execute and succeed on the first one, Garcia said.

VIVA Chicken’s signature dish is the authentic pollo a la brasa (Peruvian rotisserie chicken), cooked just like its found on the streets of Peru. It’s handmarinated in a secret spice mix for 24 hours then slowroasted on a rotating spit in a charcoal-fired oven. Customers can order a quarter, half or whole chicken with a choice of various sides like yuca, cilantro rice, sweet potato fries, plantains and canary beans.

Three Peruvian sauces are made daily at each restaurant — aji amarillo (mild, yellow), huacatay (medium, green) and rocoto (hot, red) — as well as house-made juices like maracuya (passion fruit juice) and chicha morada (Peruvian purple corn, cinnamon, clove, pineapple, apple and lime).

VIVA Chicken offers vegetarian options, salads, soups, sandwiches and desserts (churros and tres leches). Other popular dishes include the arroz cha (Peruvian fried rice) and the quinoa stuffed avocado.

Building a following

Garcia was nervous to open the first VIVA Chicken location, but the close proximity to Uptown Charlotte, Central Piedmont Community College, and Novant and Atrium hospitals wasn’t what concerned him.

“In 2013, people had no idea what Peruvian food was. I would say the extent of Hispanic food in Charlotte at that time was Mexican food,” Garcia said. “Our biggest fear was, how are we gonna get people to come in and try Peruvian rotisserie chicken when they have no idea probably where Peru is on a map or what kind of food they have?”

In their first months as restaurateurs, Macchiavello and Garcia kept VIVA Chicken’s prices low, barely breaking-even, and offered free delivery within a five-mile radius, though they nixed that pretty quickly. They were just desperate to get customers in the door, Garcia said.

“That was our biggest obstacle to overcome,” he said. “Because we felt like once they were in the door and they tried it, they’d be hooked.”

And they were right; as word spread and business picked up, VIVA Chicken began garnering a hefty following.

In 2014, VIVA Chicken opened a second location in the Toringdon Circle Shopping Center near south Charlotte’s Ballantyne neighborhood, followed by a third in Huntersville, eventually spreading to South Carolina, Georgia and Utah — with more to come.

Though VIVA Chicken has experienced success and growth, the restaurant was not immune to pandemic hardships; they had to pivot to stay profitable and it was a challenge to find certain ingredients, like Peruvian peppers, which are used in all of VIVA Chicken’s sauces.

“It’s not like we could just go to Harris Teeter and find some of these things. We pretty much had to cherry pick from a lot of places between ordering online, paying double, triple the price of what we’re used to, because we couldn’t be without certain products,” Garcia said. “People can’t go to VIVA Chicken and not have the sauce. There was also a chicken shortage. Can you imagine VIVA Chicken not having chicken?”

The values of VIVA

As VIVA Chicken continued to expand, Garcia and Macchiavello began to fear what would happen

when they couldn’t physically be at every location. They didn’t want the growth to cloud their core values: a passion for food, an obsession for service and a love for people.

Garcia joked that he probably over-served when VIVA Chicken first opened in Elizabeth by going around filling up guests’ waters.

“Still to this day, it’s all about service for me,” he said. “A guest should never have to get up for anything. We should anticipate guests’ needs.”

Over the years, the company has raised more than $122,000 for various charities — 50 cents of every churro sale goes to No Kid Hungry. They’ve also collected hurricane relief funds for the American Red Cross and packed backpacks for Classroom Central.

“Day one, when we opened in 2013, it was the local community that accepted us, that supported us, and ever since then, we just feel like we’re indebted to whatever community we’re in, whether it’s the Elizabeth location or Greenville,” Garcia said. “The community is the reason we’re successful, and so no matter how big we get, we never want to lose sight of that.”

It’s been 10 years and Garcia still watches to make sure diners are enjoying their food, just like he did with the first customer at the Elizabeth location.

“I always want to be sure a guest has a great experience, no matter how many stores there are and how many guests come through that door,” Garcia said. “I still have that same mindset of peeking around the corner.”

Garcia’s goal is to never take his success for granted, but what we’ve seen from the outside speaks for itself.

KSIMMONS@QCNERVE.COM

POLLO A LA BRASA, FRENCH FRIES, CILANTRO RICE AND SOLTERITO. COURTESY OF VIVA CHICKEN

SAVAGE LOVE PEGGED AS BI

Monogamy isn’t easy for anyone

BY DAN SAVAGE

My boyfriend of six months wants to try pegging and I’m down. But he wants “the whole experience,” which means sucking the dildo too. That raises a red flag for me. I know how this sounds before I even ask, so please forgive me if this question is insensitive. But does his desire to suck on the dildo indicate gay or bi tendencies? He says he’s not attracted to men, but he will sometimes make remarks about a “good looking guy” he saw. He also told me he had a threesome in his early 20s with a married couple and that the husband sucked him off. He says he hasn’t done anything like that since — and he’s had tons of sex and done a lot of freaky stuff. Is this a kink? Would this leave him wanting the real thing? He wants to get married and all that. Should I be concerned?

WONDERING ABOUT SEXUAL PROCLIVITIES

I’m gonna crawl out on a limb here and assume your boyfriend has demonstrated — to your satisfaction — that he enjoys straight sex. Or opposite-sex sex, I should say, since not everyone who has “straight” sex is straight. Bisexuals have “straight” sex all the time; sometimes even gays and lesbians have “straight” sex, and not always under the duress of the closet. Just as some straights are heteroflexible, some gays and lesbians are homoflexible.

Anyway, I’m gonna assume your boyfriend has demonstrated — again, to your satisfaction — that he enjoys having opposite-sex with you, WASP. He likes to kiss you, he likes your tits, he eats your pussy, and he fucks you senseless. And I feel confident in making this assumption because if he was only going through the motions when he was having sex with you, if the “straight” sex you were having together was bad or infrequent or both, you surely would’ve mentioned that fact.

So, since the sex you’re having with your newish boyfriend is good and frequent (and trending freaky), WASP, we can safely strike “gay” from your very short list of concerns. And while some would regard the distinction you’re attempting to make between your boyfriend wanting you to fuck his ass and your boyfriend wanting you to fuck his face as meaningless — most will regard him wanting to have his ass fucked as just as gay or even gayer than him wanting to have his face fucked — there is a difference. A guy can wanna have his ass fucked for

the pure physical pleasure of being penetrated, e.g., the stimulation of all those nerve endings, the amazing feeling of being opened up, the pounding of his prostate gland, and the dildo is simply a means to those ends. But sucking on a strap-on dildo … that’s more of a psychological thrill. You won’t feel anything, and your boyfriend doesn’t have a prostate gland on his soft palate.

But even if he’s getting off on the idea of sucking dick … that’s not proof he’s gay or bi. Some women have dicks, as we’ve learned over the last two decades and change, and your boyfriend could be fantasizing about sucking a woman’s dick and there’s nothing gay or bi about a cis man sucking a trans woman’s dick. (Right? Right.) Or your boyfriend could be into the idea of forced bi. Or your boyfriend could be turned on by the transgression against what straight sex is supposed/assumed to be, e.g., males penetrate, females are penetrated.

Zooming out for a second…

At the start of a new relationship people will sometimes hint at their non-normative sexual interests, or desires. A guy might share a little about his past — like having had a threesome with a married couple and getting sucked off by the dude — because he wants to assess his new partner’s reaction before sharing the rest. A guy into bondage might tell a new partner he once “let someone” tie him up when he actually begged that person to tie him up; a woman into spanking might tell a new partner about some spanking porn clip that somehow popped up in her Twitter feed when she actually went looking for it. Your boyfriend could be bisexual, WASP, and told you some married guy sucked his dick when actually he went looking for a guy — married or not — to suck his dick.

So, let’s game out your worst-case scenario: Your boyfriend is bisexual. Would that really be so bad, WASP? If you’re going to obsess about the downsides of marrying a bisexual guy — he’s going to want to fuck a guy once in a while — you should at least pause to consider the upsides. For instance, you won’t have to be on the receiving end of penetration every time you say yes to sex, WASP, because you’ll get to do the penetrating every once in a while. And the occasional MMF threesome … well, that seems like the best-case scenario to me, WASP, but I’m a little like your boyfriend: here for the freaky stuff.

I’m a 38-year-old mother of two youngish kids in a 10-year hetero relationship that I am destroying. I cheated with a girl at my job at the end of last year and now I have feelings for her. I’ve ended the affair several times, but each time we start back up again. I’ve always known that I’m bisexual but never really explored that side of myself. I don’t know if I never explored this side of myself out of fear, internalized homophobia, or that the right girl never presented herself. Now I need to choose. Do I stay with my long-term partner, a man I love dearly, and tamp down this side of myself? Or do I break up with him and explore my sexuality? If we didn’t have kids, I would choose the latter. We have talked about opening up the relationship but he is way too hurt for that to be an option anymore. I know I majorly fucked up. I betrayed his trust and snuck around with this girl. Am I just a horrible person who needs to get her shit together and somehow patch things up with my partner? Or is exploring my sexuality something that I should prioritize over stability and long-term love?

CONFUSED AS FUCK

If you were childless — or childfree — you would leave. But you aren’t childfree, CAF, and you owe it to your kids to at least try to make things work with your longterm partner.

That said, CAF, you aren’t obligated to stay in a relationship you can’t make work. If your actions have irrevocably destroyed your partner’s ability to trust you, and if you can’t come to some sort of accommodation moving forward that allows you to be the person you are (an accommodation that could take many different forms), ending it may ultimately be in the best interests of your kids. Because a bitter, loveless, high-conflict relationship will not only make you and your partner miserable, but it will also make your kids miserable.

If your relationship never recovers from the blows you’ve inflicted on it — if you can’t get past this — then you’ll have to end it. But at this point you simply don’t know whether or how this relationship can be salvaged. So, give it a chance, do the work, and see where you are in a year. If leaving was ultimately the right thing to do, it’ll still be the right thing to do a year from now. If leaving was the wrong thing to do, you won’t be able to undo it a year from now.

P.S. Bisexual people? Please get out there and suck some dick and/or eat some pussy before you make a monogamous commitment to an opposite-sex partner — or a same-sex partner, for that matter, although I get fewer letters from bisexuals in same-sex relationships who’ve recently “explored” their bisexuality (with disastrous consequences) or begged their same-sex partners for permission to “explore” their bisexuality (and been threatened with disastrous consequences). Yeah, yeah, I know: Bisexual people can honor monogamous commitments. But as you may have noticed — as anyone who’s been paying attention should have noticed by now — monogamy isn’t easy for anyone. And while it’s

considered bi-phobic to suggest that monogamy might be a little bit harder for bisexual people, most of the people making that argument to me are bisexuals who made monogamous commitments before fully exploring their sexualities. LGBTQ people never tire of pointing out how a particular thing might be harder for gay men and a different particular thing might be harder for lesbians and another particular thing might be a whole lot harder for trans people and a long list of other things might a bazillion times harder for asexuals, demisexuals, sapiosexuals, omnisexuals, etc., etc., etc. And yet it’s somehow taboo to suggest that monogamy — which, again, is pretty damn hard for everyone — might be just a tiny bit harder for bisexuals.

I’m a bisexual woman who once had an affair with a married man. (Let’s call him “AP.”) The affair ended a decade ago. I was in an abusive marriage at the time and AP showed me what a loving, caring relationship was like. He was, and still is, happily married except for sexual dissatisfaction. His wife has an extremely low sex drive and is a prude. (She calls sex “icky.”) AP, on the other hand, has a high libido and is very adventurous. He loves anal, threesomes, etc., and has had experiences with men when he was younger. He loves his wife and kids, and I love him, so when we were discovered, I removed myself from the situation. I left the abuser, did a LOT of work on myself, and found an awesome, open-minded, sexy bisexual new husband. Would I be an asshole if I sent an indecent proposal to AP and his wife? Everything out in the open this time. A one-time invitation to meet in a neutral place where the four of us could get to know each other. And then, if everyone is comfortable, we can have some naughty adult play time that would include all the stuff she doesn’t enjoy (anal, same-sex play, oral, etc.). Is this a shitty thing to do? I’ve come to a point that I realize a healthy relationship is based on far more than monogamy, and if my husband really wanted to engage in something I had no interest in, I’d give him my blessing. But that’s me. I hate the idea of AP living out the rest of his life unfulfilled. My husband is fully on board.

DECENT PROPOSAL

P.S. For what it’s worth, AP bears some resemblance to a Muppet!

Do not do this.

P.S. A woman who doesn’t wanna do anal, oral, or same-sex play is highly unlikely to wanna watch her husband do any of those things in front of her — particularly with a former affair partner.

P.S. Muppet-faced men are the best-faced men!

Send your burning questions to mailbox@savage.love; podcasts, columns, merch and more at Savage.Love.

SUDOKU

BY LINDA THISTLE

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. TELEVISION: Which cable TV series features a character named Don Draper?

2. MOVIES: What subject does Professor Minerva McGonagall teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?

3. HISTORY: Where was civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. assassinated?

4. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which president had a sign on his desk that read, “The Buck Stops Here”?

5. GEOGRAPHY: Where is the world’s largest desert?

6. LITERATURE: What is the real name of the author Lemony Snicket?

7. FOOD & DRINK: What is the fruit that gives the liqueur creme de cassis its flavor?

8. MUSIC: What inspired the Beatles’ song “Blackbird”?

CROSSWORD

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

9. CELEBRITIES: What is singer/ actress Judy Garland’s birth name?

10. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What are squirrels’ nests called?

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) The changes you’ve waited to see in your work situation might not be happening quite as quickly as you hoped. Although the pace is slow, it’s ongoing. Expect to hear news soon.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You should be feeling very proud of the fine effort you’ve made to get that important project done. Now take some time out to celebrate with family and friends. You’ve earned it.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) You’re close to reaching your objectives. That’s the good news. But be careful: Your aspects show lots of potential distractions looming. Stay focused and keep your eyes fixed on your goals.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Be careful not to let that suspicious Cancerian mind create a problem where none exists. What you might believe is an act of betrayal could be nothing more than a misunderstanding.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Your Lion’s heart overflows with self-confidence. All you need to do is tap into it, and you’ll be able to handle any change that must be made regarding that recent surprise development.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) The need to watch what you say becomes increasingly crucial this week. Be as temperate as you can with your comments and avoid arguments for the sake of controversy.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A longtime family problem presents new demands. But this time, you won’t have to go it alone: Someone else is asking to help share your responsibilities. Let it happen.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A period of feeling vulnerable is about to give way to a stronger, more-selfconfident aspect. Use this new strength to reaffirm promises you’ve made to others and yourself.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A creative dilemma stalls your progress. Instead of letting it raise your ire, use the time to re-examine your aims and perhaps come up with a new target.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Your nimble will might find a way for you to work out those newly emerged problems plaguing your new project. Stay with it. The results will be well worth your efforts.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You might feel overwhelmed with having to decide which new opportunity you should follow. Best advice: Check them all out and see which offers what you really want.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Continue to tread water before you even consider plunging into something that never seemed quite right. Some facts will emerge soon that can help you make a decision.

BORN THIS WEEK: You are a natural-born peacemaker. You value truth and have little patience with those who lie to you for their own purposes.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Sometimes a setback gives you a chance to get a sharper perspective on the situation at hand. Your cheerful nature will help you override this temporary disappointment. What you learn from this pays off soon.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Be careful not to charge into something you don’t fully understand. Being asked to act on trust might be all right, as long as you can trust the one who asks.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) A chance for romance beckons from someone you thought was far out of reach. But Cupid can always come up with a shortcut. How you respond to the situation determines how the relationship develops.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) A career move seems more likely now than when you first considered it. Some of your plans will need readjusting as new facts emerge. Be careful that you don’t allow jealousy to create an unnecessary obstacle.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Your love for beautiful things is part of what makes you the fine feline you are. But a little caution is advisable for a while. Resist the urge to splurge until your money signs look a little better.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) A co-worker could be trying to undermine you. Resist the temptation to retaliate. Instead, keep careful records of what you do so that you’ll be ready to present a strong position when the time comes.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Family problems have been simmering for a while and could soon boil over. Avoid taking sides. There are many facts you don’t know yet. Meanwhile, a business decision proves to be more complicated than you expected.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Cupid’s arrow can pierce hearts, but it can’t open tight lips. Only you can do that. That special someone you’ve been silently pining for all this time would love to hear you express those feelings.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Wellmeaning friends might try to persuade you to give up on that project that seems to have hit a dead end. Someone will take notice, and your persistence will pay off.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) It’s one thing to make a difficult decision, but you also have to stick with it, despite any pressures to get you to change your mind. You need to reassure someone you care for that you can keep your commitments.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) This is a good time for you to remember to be good to yourself. A trip to a place that was once very special in your life reawakens many precious memories, and soon leads to making new ones.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) An old health problem flares up and needs attention. Also, a chilly reaction from a once-warm friend needs to be confronted. Set the record straight before it’s too late to save the friendship.

BORN THIS WEEK: You enjoy helping others. You have a taste for life’s luxuries and will take risks to get what you want. In matters of amour, you love deeply, and you expect your amorous intensity to be returned in kind.

AERIN IT OUT

DISCO NIGHT ON THE TOWN

Connecting with my inner Warchild

BY AERIN SPRUILL

On one Saturday in mid-February, I donned not one, but two funky tie-dye shirts, a leather jacket that would rival Sandy’s in Grease, green retro sunnies, and black flares that upon a mirror “fit check” were beyond prepared to shake their groove thang down a soul train line.

Damn, I love a good theme.

And that day’s theme was disco, baby! What was the special occasion for my disco fever? Glad you (or I) asked. I was off to Town Brewing Company’s “Disco Hop” IPA beer release party.

I’m no stranger to the west side of Charlotte. In a past life, Saturday nights started at The Scorpio and ended in the drive-thru line of Cook Out at 3 a.m. But until recently, the west side and I have been little more than a summer fling. And despite my reluctance to travel further than I wanted to, I found myself looking forward to catching another sunset on the patio of Town Brewing hopefully curled up next to a heater and puppies.

I pulled up to the now familiar Wesley Heights parking lot shared between Town and Rhino Market Deli as the inner dialogue of whether or not I should secure the late-night food bag before or after meeting my friends began. “Aerin, you just ate Pad Thai and you know you don’t wanna share.” You right.

At any given time, the Town patio is the temporary home to at least five golden retrievers. If that doesn’t excite the dog-crazy craft beer lover, I don’t know what will. Though I’m not obsessed with either, there’s nothing I can do to keep a goofy grin from spreading across my face when I see a golden mosey up to someone’s leg in expectation to be pat. Then, in robotic fashion, the human rubs the top of their head fully accepting the fact that they’ve entered into a non-verbal contract that rubbing will continue until said dog decides otherwise.

That’s why it was only fitting to be welcomed into the disco party by none other than Rosie, my bestie girl’s bestest girl, a curvy golden with lots of sass.

Quick hellos proved successful as Rosie moseyed back to her parents and I was free to get my groove on inside. Gold streamers clung to my face as I entered the taproom and it took everything in me to not immediately pop one

finger outstretched in the air and do “the point” dance jig as I bobbed toward the register.

A Town Brewing Co. keg decked out in mirrored squares like a disco ball suspended from the rafters. It quietly twinkled but made a hell of an imprint on my mental Pinterest board while “Flash Light” by Parliament played over the speakers. I looked over my shoulder to throw a nod of approval or shimmy toward the DJ but then felt like a “turning into your parents” Progressive Insurance commercial IRL, so I opted against giving unsolicited praise.

I didn’t let the fact that very few others acknowledged the “disco attire recommended” memo as I deliberated over trying the new beer or old faithful: the crisp, lightweight peach green tea from the brewed-inhouse line of Loose Leaf Hard Teas that are low calorie and gluten free. *Gun and a wink sales pitch*

I may have opted for the ready-for-summer and perfect-for-the-person-who-doesn’t-like-how-heavycraft-beer-makes-them-feel 4.9% ABV peach seltzer-ish refresher, but I still got the “tea” on the new release. The Disco Hop, the latest core beer to join the Town Brewing fam, is a clean, crisp and clear IPA that delivers both nostalgia for throwback IPAs that were hop-forward and light-bodied and a new school “flare” (get what I did there?) featuring new-age hops that bring out a bright and shiny tone.

One peach green tea devolved into three, and then I heard myself exclaiming, “I know I just closed but I need to try the Arnold Palmer-like tea” in a high-pitched voice. By the time my girlfriend brought their Buff Bagwell flatbread to the table in an effort to delay the inevitable return home, I was humming, “The party’s here on the west side…” (Different era but you catch my drift!)

And bruh, the food is actually good. I’ve always been a brewery food hater, but next time, if it’s still on the menu, my exit strategy will involve getting “The Warchild” to go. A crab Rangoon dip base topped with mozz, bacon, sweet chili sauce, and chives?! Shut the front door, now that’s groovy, baby.

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ANSWERS

Trivia Answers

1. “Mad Men.”

2. Transfiguration.

3. Memphis, Tennessee.

4. Harry Truman.

5. Antarctica.

6. Daniel Handler.

7. Black currants.

8. Civil rights unrest in Little Rock, Arkansas, according to Paul McCartney.

9. Frances Ethel Gumm.

10. Dreys.

PUZZLE