Darius Lockhart’s ASÉ Wrestling centers mental health, showcases Black culture
By Dezanii Lewis
News: The megachurch abuse scandal they wish would go away pg. 4
Food & Drink: Raw milk movement on the rise despite health officials’ warnings pg. 16
ART DIRECTOR
BRIAN CETINA design@briancetina.com
AD SALES EXECUTIVE RENN WILSON rwilson@qcnerve.com
MARKETING MANAGER ALEX KASTANAS HOLLADAY aholladay@qcnerve.com
NEWS & OPINION
4 A Culture of Cover-Ups by Jeff Taylor New lawsuits aim to hold MorningStar Fellowship Church leadership accountable in abuse case
ARTS & CULTURE
6 Activators Assemble by Ryan Pitkin Activation Studios creates needed space for independents on The Plaza
8 Off the Top Rope by Dezanii Lewis Darius Lockhart’s ASÉ Wrestling centers mental health, showcases Black culture 10 Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks
12 Last Call for Jah by Jonathan Golian Jesse Hinkelman releases final project as The Last Jah
New Releases 13 Pause: Confluence Block Party
Soundwave
16 The Raw Facts by Annie Keough Raw milk movement on the rise despite health officials’ warnings
LIFESTYLE
18 Puzzles
20 Nerve Endings by Justin LaFrancois 21 Horoscope
22 Savage Love
Thanks to our contributors: Grant Baldwin, Jeff Taylor, Jonathan Golian, Dan Russell-Pinson, Dustie Bayer, and Dan Savage.
A CULTURE OF COVER-UPS
New lawsuits aim to hold MorningStar Fellowship Church leadership accountable in abuse case
BY JEFF TAYLOR
Following the Sept. 6 guilty plea to 10 charges related to sexual abuse by a former Cornelius police officer and youth church leader, for which he was sentenced to nine years in prison, leadership at the South Carolina megachurch where Erickson Douglas Lee preyed on children were likely hoping to put the disturbing episode behind them.
They will not be allowed to do so, as lawyers gathered in Rock Hill on Sept. 16 to announce a new slate of lawsuits that name not only Lee but MorningStar Fellowship Church, founder and senior pastor Richard Joyner, former church vice president David Yarnes, former head of security Douglas Lee and others they say turned a blind eye to years of exploitation and abuse.
Erickson Lee served as a volunteer youth leader at MorningStar Fellowship Church in Fort Mill, South Carolina. According to attorneys with McGowan, Hood, Felder, and Phillips, which is representing the plaintiffs, provided alcohol, vapes and pornography to males as young as 13, whom he would in some cases go on to sexually abuse, between 2019 and 2023.
Lee was arrested in April 2023, at which time he was fired from his job with the Cornelius Police Department, and on Sept. 6 pleaded guilty to criminal sexual conduct with a minor in the second and third degrees, assault and battery in the first degree, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and dissemination of obscene material to a minor.
Along with the aforementioned employees, the lawsuits name Erickson Lee’s assistant, Chase Portello, as well as 10 unidentified defendants described as “persons employed or associated with MorningStar who were aware Erickson Lee was providing alcohol, vapes or pornography to minor children.”
“Erickson Lee’s conduct was foreseeable and should never have occurred,” read court filings from the attorneys, who filed separate lawsuits for three victims, none of whom are named in the lawsuits.
They claim previous sexual abuse allegations were never reported to police, with the church instead handling them “in house.” The lawsuits also assert that several of the named defendants witnessed Lee’s misconduct
yet failed to intervene, and further allege that Portello participated in intimidation to help cover the crimes up.
“The simple fact is that the leaders of MorningStar Fellowship Church not only failed to protect these young victims, they enabled and protected their abuser even after witnessing much of the abuse firsthand,” Hood said in a statement. “They had the chance to do the right thing on multiple occasions but, instead, tried to sweep it under the rug with at least one of them trying to help Lee try and intimidate his young victims.”
During a Sept. 16 press conference, Hood said Lee escalated grooming behavior into actual assault, saying that Lee began by introducing them to alcohol, then vapes, then sharing pornography before escalating the behavior to force them to sleep naked with him in sleeping bags, touching them, forcing them to take showers with him.
“Providing a safe environment for children, the most vulnerable population we have in society, you have no choice. There’s only one choice, and that choice is that you have to protect them,” Hood continued.
“And that involves the creation of policies and procedures, supervision and monitoring, and that was not done in this case. And we have three victims that have approached us, we’ve had a number of people that have reached out. I think that there are a lot more victims out there that we don’t know about that will become known in the weeks, in the months ahead. And it’s our intent to pursue this to discover the truth.”
Hood also addressed alleged sexual misconduct that were connected to the church in the past.
“There were, we know of, two young women that were abused or assaulted prior to any of this occurring. And we know of a young man who was abused or assaulted before this ever occurred,” he said.
“If they had not covered up the previous sexual assaults, or even if they had kept it within the church and they had done something — but nothing was done. It allowed an environment to exist that a predator came in and used the church grounds for his own personal playground. That’s unacceptable.”
The church responds
Established by Joyner in 1995, MorningStar Fellowship Church is located on a sprawling 52-acre campus in Fort Mill that was once home to Heritage USA, the long-defunct Christian-themed water park, theme park and residential complex built by televangelist Jim Bakker and his wife Tammy Faye Bakker, founders of The PTL Club.
MorningStar purchased the property in 2004 to create a primary base for its Charlotte area congregation, the Comenius School for Creative Leadership (a Christian day school), the School of Ministry, and as a conference center.
Some of the incidents described in the new slate of lawsuits allegedly occurred on MorningStar property while others happened at MorningStar sponsored events including during trips to Gaston County and Camp Lejeune.
In a statement responding to the lawsuits, MorningStar said it was “saddened, shocked, and appalled” by the “mistreatment” of the young members of their church, and pledged to “continue to do all in our power to ensure the safety of all our youth and congregants.”
However, it disputes some of the claims made against church leadership, claiming they had no reason to distrust Lee, who the statement repeatedly points out was a police officer.
“One of the reasons that this matter is so shocking to us is that the former volunteer, who has been convicted, is a former police officer,” the statement reads. “Because of his status as a police officer, we had no reason to believe that Officer Lee would lead any young men into illegal activity, either through illegal sexual activities or illegally furnishing alcohol to minors. We believed his status as a police officer meant that he would be a protector of these young men rather than one who would impose illegal acts upon them. As we have often asked ourselves in the aftermath, ‘If we can’t trust a police officer as a youth worker, who can we trust?’”
MorningStar went on to state that, according to its own internal review, the church believes at least three separate background checks were run on Lee: one by the US military, a second by the Cornelius Police Department and a third one done internally by the church using a private company that offers background checks.
“We believe Officer Lee held a national security clearance by the United States Marine Corps, meaning he was most likely subject to an elevated background check. We relied on these checks, which raised no reasons for us to be concerned about Officer Lee. We felt confident at the time in his perceived stability and reliability partly because of his status as a police officer.”
INSIDE MORNINGSTAR FELLOWSHIP CHURCH IN FORT MILL.
PHOTO BY MORNINGSTAR MINISTRIES
RICK JOYNER
NEWS & OPINION FEATURE
MorningStar maintains that Lee was removed from his leadership position once church officials became aware he had given alcohol to minors and that they reported him to police when sexual abuse allegations were first raised.
The church also said it believes the misconduct occurred entirely at Lee’s residence in Fort Mill.
“We have no credible reason to believe any crimes occurred on church property. Moreover, we have since learned that the address reflected in the warrants as the site of any criminal activity was where the accused, Officer Lee, apparently lived on the same property as one of the victim’s families.”
The statement claims Lee moved into a garage apartment attached to a home where one of his victims lived, unbeknownst to church leadership, and lived there at the invite of the family.
“It is at this location, according to media reports quoting the arrest warrants, that the crimes occurred, and [it] is our understanding that Officer Lee pled guilty to the crimes at this location,” the statement reads. “We were unaware of Officer Lee’s living situation and do not know whether Officer Lee informed his employer, the Cornelius Police Department, of this living arrangement.”
The statement goes on to point out that Lee was
able to fool his “principal employer,” the Cornelius Police Department, “an agency that has much greater background check capabilities than most.”
Victims’ attorneys have acknowledged that the incidents described in the lawsuits are separate from the ones Lee has pleaded guilty to.
During the Sept. 16 press conference, Hood pointed
out that Erickson Lee’s father, Douglas Lee, was the head of security for the church while the abuse was happening, which Hood said played a role in why Lee was able to prey on children for years without any repercussions.
“We are aware that several young men have filed lawsuits against the ministry,” read the statement from MorningStar. “While we don’t know at this point what more we could have done to have vetted Officer Lee in advance to ensure that he would not have taken advantage of these young men, we hold no malice or anger towards the young men or their parents who have chosen to file suit. Some of these families remained active in our church even for months after Officer Lee’s arrest, and they are always welcome at MorningStar.
“Nonetheless, our principal concern is, and always will be, the emotional and spiritual well-being of the young men and their families.”
In August, then-MorningStar CEO, President and Pastor Chris Reed announced his resignation from the church in a YouTube video and via letter to church staff and volunteers.
In the video, Reed said the abuse by Lee happened before he was involved with MorningStar, but noted that he knew the families and victims. He said that fact put him in an untenable situation.
“If I defended the ministry, then it was like I’m having to go against the victims. If I defend the victims, then
where does the ministry stand?” he asked.
In another video, posted about a week after the one announcing his departure from the church, Reed said he and his family had received threats.
Joyner addressed Reed’s resignation during a sermon at MorningStar on Sept. 1, where he made clear he felt aggrieved by the situation.
“What alarmed me … was in these letters there was almost no regard for the church, no regard for the ministry, no regard for a lot of people. It was all about him and his future and what he needed to do,” Joyner said. “And I’m for that. I want him to have the brightest future he can have, but I did not feel that there was a shepherd’s heart revealed.”
“A shepherd lays down their life for the sheep and certainly has regard for them. I didn’t feel there was any regard for me [or] for our board.”
Joyner also characterized the accusations in the lawsuits facing the church as “wildly untrue” and “way out of the box untrue” during that sermon.
Hood responded to that framing during the September 16 press conference.
“I stand by every allegation that we have put in our complaints,” he said. “I have multiple witnesses and I have evidence to prove every allegation that we have in our complaints.”
INFO@QCNERVE.COM
COURTESY OF YORK COUNTY SHERIFF
ERICKSON DOUGLAS LEE
OFF THE TOP ROPE
Darius Lockhart’s ASÉ Wrestling centers mental health, Black culture
BY DEZANII LEWIS
Anyone who’s watched even a few minutes of a wrestling match knows that the sport is a physically taxing one. The wear-and-tear that the sport puts on the bodies of athletes has to be experienced to be explained. What many don’t know is that the sport wreaks just as much havoc on the mind as it does the body. Historically, not much has been done to combat that fact.
That’s something Darius Lockhart aimed to fix when he launched ASÉ Wrestling.
ASÉ (pronounced ah-SHAY) Wrestling is an independent wrestling company founded in the Queen City by Lockhart, a Charlotte native. Wrestling fans likely recognize his name; Lockhart got his start as a professional wrestler with companies like NWA and AEW.
As someone who took part in the wrestling industry himself for 10 years, working alongside friends and acquaintances such as Jade Cargill, Matt Hardy and Mark Henry, Lockhart knows how demanding this business can be.
“I was having a lot of people in my social circles and professional wrestling that I admire and like to work with coming into mental barriers and not feeling understood, not feeling like the opportunity was viable for them to be who they wanted to be in this pro wrestling space or to be seen for their full potential,” Lockhart told Queen City Nerve.
“I was thinking off the cuff, ‘What could provide that as well as also update pro wrestling a little bit?’ I felt like pro wrestling is always a little behind in terms of cultural awareness.”
He founded ASÉ Wrestling in 2023, purposefully centering mental health as a priority for his wrestlers. Since its first event in December 2023, ASÉ has continued to mix wrestling with culture, collaborating with local artists such as Dreamville rapper Lute, neo-soul singer Cyanca, visual artist Marcus Kiser and others including nationally known wrestlers.
Having seen the “same 10 faces” running wrestling organizations throughout the country, Lockhart launched his company with the goal to bring a new vibe to wrestling that he couldn’t find elsewhere.
“For things to really change on screen, you have to change who’s behind the screen,” he said. “I didn’t really see too many people who look like me, a young Black man, in those positions to make creative decisions behind the scenes. I took it upon myself to try to create that lane.”
Making moves
Lockhart, who turned 29 in September, fell in love with the art of wrestling at age 12 and has been wrestling since he was in high school.
In 2012, he began training at Highspots Pro Wrestling School, a Charlotte-based school where he trained under the tutelage of “Mr. Number One” George South, WWE star Cedric Alexander, and Impact Wrestling star Caleb Konley. The school shut down in 2022 after two decades of continuous operation.
He landed his first match in 2013 while attending college at UNC Greensboro. Because he didn’t have a car, he “coasted” with local and regional independent wrestling companies.
“I’d have means to make bigger things, but was also trying to balance that with just getting a degree,” he said. “Once I graduated, then I started really making my way up through the independents, and that really helped.”
Things became a little easier for him after graduation. He began to get more recognition, ranking on Pro Wrestling Illustrated’s top 500 singles wrestlers list in 2018, 2020 and 2022. Despite building his name, Lockhart was unable to capitalize off of his success.
His own mental health played a role in that.
“I was going through a lot of personal stuff in my life,” he said. “I lost my father. I was going through things on the back end of that, and it just got a little weary for me.”
He took time off to get himself in the right head space. What was supposed to be a two-month break turned into a year and a half. But he didn’t tap out; it was during that hiatus that he began wrestling with the idea of launching his own company in the industry.
Lockhart said the plan was conceived in summer 2019.
“It started as one concept between a friend and I just batting ideas of what a culturally relevant or a cooler show would do,” he said.
They started with sillier concepts involving the commentary to more creative ideas that encompassed different aspects of their culture. For example, Lockhart said he was influenced by the sketch comedy show, In Living Color.
“[We pulled] from different things we grew up with and enjoyed that felt relevant to us, that felt real to us, that felt natural to us,” he said.
Lockhart acquired the license for his company in September 2023 and they hosted their first show in
December of that year. Occasionally, he still wrestles, but running ASÉ takes up the bulk of his time.
“I’m still just getting back in the swing of things,” he said. “It’s been a journey to balance all this with moving forward in your mental health as well.”
Having minored in African Diaspora Studies in college, Lockhart also brought a certain awareness around political and social issues to the way he wanted to run ASÉ. With the tagline “Be a Revolutionary,”
With the goal of evoking change on a social and political level, he set out to spread a positive message of hope and resiliency against hate.
“I couldn’t attend every protest, so I took the protests with me,” Lockhart wrote on his website.
More than just wrestling
A Yoruba word that loosely translates to “life force” or “energy,” Asé was not the original name that Lockhart had envisioned for his organization. There were several names in the running, the most prominent one being Vendetta, but he decided against that when he began to take his idea more seriously.
“I think initially, I had a bigger chip on my shoulder when I initially created this,” he said. “Because at first it started as fun, and then I started to see how unserious the world, the wrestling space, was taking Black wrestling, especially on an independent level. And I was just really like, ‘All right, you know what? Let’s do this, and let’s do it big.’”
PHOTOS BY GRANT BALDWIN
SCENES FROM A RECENT ASÉ WRESTLING EVENT CALLED SMILE: ASÉ IS WITH YOU.
He didn’t feel that the word “vendetta,” with its negative associations, could properly communicate the vibe he wanted to cultivate with his company, so he tapped into his collegiate experience — not only the minor in African Diaspora Studies but the Bachelor’s degree in Communications.
“I was looking for one word that would describe the feeling and the emotion and the intentionality behind what this brand is, what I wanted it to be,” he said.”I wanted to look at this through a lens of celebrating the diaspora at large, and that’s every element of the diaspora. I thought it would be a beautiful thing if everyone was here, if they could represent themselves and everyone could be seen. That takes a lot of creativity, takes a lot of optimism, and it takes a lot of just vision. And ASÉ is all about that. It’s all about life force and life energy, and speaking things into existence and affirmation.”
He also said that some people use “asé” the same way others use “amen.”
“When you agree with something, you’re speaking something to life.”
One thing Lockhart wants to make clear is that this organization isn’t just for Black wrestlers. It’s open to all races and nationalities and he wants everyone to experience it, but it remains important to him to showcase Black wrestlers because they often hit a ceiling in other organizations.
His goal is for Black wrestlers to have a place to flourish, yet his organization still faces judgment from the outside for its willingness to highlight Black wrestlers.
“I do want Black people to be able to look at this product and feel like this is somewhere they can see themselves and not be held back to maybe a stereotype,” he said. “I put a bunch of Black faces on a poster and
everyone automatically minimizes it to, ‘It’s all Black wrestling,’ and I hate that we have to have that lens just because I’m platforming Black people.”
For Lockhart, ASÉ Wrestling is all about community. He’s not just trying to create a safe space for wrestlers, he wants to cultivate an entire cultural experience for fans,
bringing on musicians, radio personalities and largerthan-life figures from the wrestling world.
In July he hosted the ASÉ Family Block Party at Piedmont Open IB Middle School in Uptown, creating a whole day of festivities centered around family-friendly wrestling.
“It allows the world to be a little bit bigger,” he said. “It gets to be more than just pro-wrestling.”
ASÉ Wrestling has two upcoming shows scheduled for Oct. 26 and Dec. 7. The first show will feature wrestlers fighting to qualify for December’s one night, eight-man tournament to crown the first ever ASÉ men’s champion.
DLEWIS@QCNERVE.COM
PHOTOS BY GRANT BALDWIN
MORE SCENES FROM SMILE: ASÉ IS WITH YOU.
PHOTOS BY GRANT BALDWIN
DARIUS LOCKHART (LEFT) PLAYS TO THE CROWD AT THE SEPTEMBER EVENT.
ACTIVATORS ASSEMBLE
Activation Studios creates needed space for independents on The Plaza
BY RYAN PITKIN
When Arts+ announced it had finally found a permanent home in the old Plaza Presbyterian Church on the border of Plaza Midwood and Villa Heights in July 2023, excitement was tempered by the fact that so much work would have to be done to get the campus where the longtime Charlotte arts organization wanted it.
Arts+ anticipated a three-year property upfit, supported by a capital campaign of $15-$18 million, most of which would go into construction and upfit costs.
As that process is ongoing, however, the organization has found ways to cultivate the arts scene on the property at 2304 The Plaza. Their recent deal to sublet the building on the north side of the campus to local artists has led to the formation of Activation Studios, a DIY studio space and art gallery that provides much-needed affordable space to local independent artists.
On a recent visit, Queen City Nerve toured the facility with Matt Alvis, also known as @stencilspray, who cofounded Activation Studios and works as operations manager at the site, to see the wide range of work being done there: murals, canvas painting, sculptures, installations, poetry, music and more.
Formerly used by church staff as a schoolhouse and then office space and storage, the team of artists at Activation have stayed true to the name, carrying out a DIY renovation effort that has turned the space into an active incubator for arts in Charlotte.
The Activation Studios team only has a one-year lease, as Arts+ has plans for the space once its own renovation efforts reach that building, one of three on the campus, but in the meantime Alvis & Co. will continue to host their monthly Final Friday events and weekly open studios to support the local arts community in a city where affordable studio and gallery space is becoming harder to find all the time.
Following our tour of the space, we sat with Alvis to discuss the new project and its implications for Charlotte’s arts scene.
Queen City Nerve: The last time we spoke to you for a story, you were being forced out of your Tough Ass Crew (TAC) gallery space on North Davidson Street.
Matt Alvis: I don’t look at it that way, in the sense that they let me stay there for two years, which is 12 times the amount of time I was supposed to.
Right, but you did have to find a home. So what have you been doing since?
After closing TAC, I moved right across the street and now have studio space in between The Exchange and Blind Pig. That’s still where my studio is because, as much as I want to jam this place full of artists, it’s not very good for a spray-paint artist, which is my primary medium. It made more sense for this to be an office. So I moved across the street and started Art Cart, which was not meant to be like a set-up-at-markets type of thing, more outbound delivery to people at bars and restaurants. That did not work out.
I started doing markets all the time with the cart around four days a week … I’ve got places where I sell my work all the time … Art Cart was fine for me because I sell a lot of my own paintings, but it wasn’t anything that was a permanent home for other people’s art, and I’d only take prints and things like that.
Then Charlotte Is Creative hit me up and asked me to do one of the mini-golf holes for Charlotte SHOUT! I did the mini-golf hole, and then they were like, “Oh, we’re putting this hasty art gallery thing up in the Overstreet Mall.” So I did that, and then at the end, I just never left and they never made me. I still have a gallery in Overstreet Mall that I should be moving out of but I’m taking my sweet time because I’m very reticent to release space.
I think I just got lost in the shuffle and everybody forgot about me. I don’t think anybody ever thought I’d have the stones to sit there for six months, frankly.
So you’re the art squatter of Overstreet.
People in the building think it’s a hoot. There are regulars who stop in like, “I see you’re still here, man.” I pretty much just do it as a meme at this point. It’s more of a time-suck than anything. What art needs, in my opinion, is new eyes all the time. The problem with the Overstreet Mall is there’s 10,000 people walking through, but they’re going to be the same 10,000 for the next five to 10 years. The numbers just go flat.
It was big for SHOUT!, then kind of big for a couple of months, but slowly, I’ve served everybody who’s ever going to walk in there. I’ll sell a stray painting. I pretty much make enough going to Overstreet to pay for the train to Overstreet and then lunch all week. But also I have to go sit up there during the day, and I’m pretty busy with other shit. But I’m holding on to it and just begrudgingly realizing that I have to move out.
They also stopped maintaining the building when the previous owner just straight defaulted on the place. That’s one of the reasons that nobody cares that I’m in it because nobody’s running the show. Now all the lights are slowly burning out and I can’t fix them.
This seems like a much better situation. So how did you end up here at Activation Studios?
My friends were Logan Phillips’ neighbor, so Logan pretty much got brought to me part and parcel already with an agreement worked out with Arts+ and an application for $34,000 from the Opportunity Fund. So originally, he was going to hire me as a property manager type of thing. My responsibility still is largely that as far as moving people in, collecting the rent, making sure the events go OK. That’s my job. His job is finding real estate. I got a private donor. Her name is Christy Sherard, she spends a lot of money in the art scene but she tends to stay in the shadows. She gave us a matching amount. So [Phillips] brought $35,000 to the table and I brought $35,000 to the table and we just became business partners at that point.
PHOTO BY RYAN PITKIN
MATT ALVIS INSIDE ACTIVATION STUDIOS
MURALS FROM @ JBIRD.THE.VANDAL (LEFT) AND @NONY_CLT ADORN THE STAIRCASE WALLS.
He’s really good to work with because he knows all the back-end logistics and how to account for the things, run the business side. And he doesn’t pretend to know anything about the art side. I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing, and he doesn’t know what the fuck I’m doing. That’s how we both like it. There’s no overlap to disagree about.
We hit the ground completely running. I had full capacity within a week. Then knowing that there was still more need, we added non-resident members. Those people can work in here for 10 hours a month by appointment in one of the common areas. Then they get half price at the markets and they can show their stuff at the Final Fridays, and they get to be in the building Slack and come to non-advertised building events and stuff like that. We went from 17 or 18 members to 38 by adding 20 non-resident members. Then there’s about 40 people who use the downstairs as practice space. We’re impacting 80 to 100 people in a consistent return way, not including people who come to the parties.
So you started hosting these Final Friday parties on the last Friday of each month. How have those gone? You’ve been pretty limited to word of mouth during these opening months.
I get just as many people here as I want. I’m not trying to be a venue here. That’s really a salient thing … I don’t want the doors open, really, but once a month when we have the big party. I would say north of 200 people come through, though, at least for the first two. And what do those parties look like?
From 5-8 [p.m.], I’ll have a DJ in the gallery room playing ‘90s pop-punk type shit. Then there’s a food truck outside ‘til 9. And then at 8, we start music downstairs with a suggested donation type of vibe. And there’s three bands to play, and then that takes us to 11. Five to eight, we encourage neighborhood people to bring their families through and stuff like that and have a bite and look at art.
All of the artists in their membership agreement, it’s like, we want your room open at every party. That doesn’t mean all of you need to be present, but you guys work it out. There’s four of you [in each shared-studio room], that means three times in a year, you have to do it. They want to do it because every person who has attempted to sell out of their studios at these parties has made more than that month’s rent. Then the same deal with the parking lot market. Everybody made another month’s rent. It would be my goal that nobody ends up paying here. We have to charge you 70 bucks, but we’re giving you the opportunity to make a couple of hundred in the same month.
How hard is it in Charlotte to find affordable space like this for an artist who doesn’t want to work at home or can’t?
To my knowledge, we’re the cheapest possibility. We were full with a very limited call … We were full before we opened. I think that that speaks worlds to it. Then Arts+ in the adjoining building had 10 artist spaces. They were getting ready to go. I got the first sheet of the rent costs over there. It’s more expensive than ours, they’re
a different thing, and that’s fine, they’ve got a different mission than we do, but I put that out into the building Slack chat, which is just 38 members, the artists and the non-resident artists, and I filled all 10 of their spots immediately. I think the city could have five more of these open up and they would all fill immediately.
You’re a longtime resident of NoDa with a history of doing work and events in the neighborhood. What does it mean to be able to open this space here, if not in the neighborhood then right here on the corner, right between Plaza Midwood and NoDa?
One of our primary missions is to serve the 28205 ZIP code. I think that NoDa is in an unfortunate predicament right now in terms of there aren’t opportunities for things like this to exist. It’d be lovely if some benefactor rented one of those abandoned storefronts and did something funky for the community with it. But this is even just a temporary, lucky happenstance. Eventually, Arts+ is going to expand their operations into this building as well. We’re already looking for the next place.
It’s similar to the newly opened TAOH Outdoor Gallery in Optimist Park, which the organizers already know is not permanent but they’re making it happen and they stay mobile.
Well, I think that that’s the new and more appropriate style of, not guerrilla art, but guerrilla property usage for art, because the only people who are going to rent you something at a non-exorbitant price are people who
would otherwise lose income on that space while they’re waiting for a development in 5 or 10 years.
I want to see more proactive property owners reaching out and saying, “Hey, we have this spot that’s going to be untouched for three years. What could you do with it if I gave you X, Y, Z?” I want to see that outreach from the developers’ side because there are hundreds of thousands of square feet in Charlotte that are locked up under a development plan and otherwise perfectly usable for an artist, at least.
And Arts+ now has a 50-year lease, what does it mean to the arts scene just to get an organization like them in here as opposed to any number of other things it could have ended up as?
Arts+ is going to be a tremendous boon to the neighborhood, especially when they finish their larger plans for this campus. They teach children and adult workshop lessons and they’ve been very collaborative on throwing events together. Everyone on their team, I feel like, is genuinely trying to do the best thing, and I don’t always see that. I think that once they finish building their infrastructure out here, it’s going to be the type of thing that the neighborhood didn’t know they always needed.
Activation Studios is located at 2304 The Plaza, where it hosts Final Friday parties on the last Friday of each month from 5-11 p.m. every month, and open studios every Sunday from 2-5 p.m.
RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM
PHOTO BY RYAN PITKIN
MARIA NAPIER WORKS IN HER STUDIO AT ACTIVATION.
PHOTO BY RYAN PITKIN
A MUSICAL PRACTICE SPACE KNOWN AS MOSS HAVEN INSIDE ACTIVATION STUDIOS.
UPCOMING EVENTS IN THE QUEEN CITY
KEHLANI
For better or worse, R&B pop singer Kehlani had an eventful summer. On the bright side, she dropped her new album, Crash, in June, followed two months later by While We Wait 2, the long-anticipated sequel to the 2019 mixtape that preceded it. Then there were the dark spots, as she underwent a messy and public custody battle that saw her fighting to dispel allegations involving cults and her daughter’s safety (later rescinded by her daughter’s father).
Either way, it’s safe to say she’s ready for a change of seasons, continuing her Crash tour with a Charlotte stop that includes up-and-coming London trio FLO and Atlanta rapper Anycia.
More: $29 and up; Oct. 2, 7:30 p.m.; Skyla Credit Union Amphitheatre, 1000 NC Music Factory Blvd.; tinyurl.com/KehlaniCLT
wed sat THURS
STEPHEN SATTERFIELD: DESTINATION CAROLINAS
Since 2007, Stephen Satterfield has devoted his career to redefining food and beverage as a means to organize, activate and educate. The need for more inclusive storytelling led him to launch Whetstone Media. The food writer, sommelier and TV personality will join two staples of Charlotte’s food scene — James Beard Award semi-finalist and restaurateur Chef Greg Collier and vegan culinary expert Chef Joya — for a farm-to-table dining experience at Collier’s newest joint in Midtown. The uniquely crafted, multi-course menu will feature ingredients sourced directly from Black farmers in the Carolinas, kicking off the 2024 BayHaven Food & Wine Festival weekend.
What better time to finally attend one of Mint Museum’s bi-monthly dance parties than Hispanic Heritage Month? This month’s event includes dance lessons from Rumbao Latin Dance Company, live music by the Mint 2 Move Percussion Trio and DJ Carlos LeBron, cultural vendors, performances by El Alma de la Luna Dance Academy, and fashion from upcycle fashion designer Elisa López Trejo of Mexico City and ArtPop artist Rocío Llusca from Quito, Ecuador. You’d be hard pressed to fit more Hispanic culture into a Friday night.
More: $11-$14; Oct. 4, 7-11:30 p.m.; Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St.; mintmuseum.org
MARLON WAYANS
Young folks might recognize Marlon Wayans from some of his more recent dramatic roles, taking on real-life depictions as Aretha Franklin’s manager and ex-husband Ted White in Respect or George Raveling in Air. But those of us who have been around know Wayans as not only one of the funniest dudes in a star-studded comedy family but one of the funniest comic actors of his generation. From White Chicks and the Scary Movie series to the 2018 release of his debut stand-up special Woke-ish, Marlon continues to showcase his one-of-a-kind comedy skills on stage and screen.
More: $39 and up; Oct. 5, 8 p.m.; Ovens Auditorium, 2900 E. Independence Blvd.; boplex.com
STEPHEN SATTERFIELD 10/3
PHOTO COURTESY OF GANTT CENTER
UPCOMING EVENTS IN THE QUEEN CITY
TUES wed
OPEN AIR TALKS: CHELSEA ODUFU
Launched as COVID-19 peaked, the Gantt Center has continued its commitment to accessibility by continuing to host its virtual Open Air series, which features intimate conversations with Black artists across the globe. October’s installment features filmmaker and multi-disciplinary artist Chelsea Odufu, a first-generation Nigerian and Guyanese American filmmaker and artist working across mediums including narrative, experimental film, video art, installation and photography. Odufu’s work is influenced by the hybridity of her ethnic identity speaking to American, African and Caribbean histories and aesthetics, examining how culture, religion and geographic location influence how different ethnic identities are formed and evolve.
More: Free; Oct. 8, 7 p.m.; live-streamed on YouTube; register at ganttcenter.org
MIKE FARRIS
Celebrated and revered by his fellow performers, Grammy Award-winner Mike Farris has been described as an artist’s artist, a musician’s musician. The gospel and bluesman’s iconic personal appearances include the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame concert honoring Aretha Franklin in 2011 and his own Grand Ole Opry debut in 2018. His career has spanned millennia, jumping onto the scene in the 1990s as frontman of the rock group The Screamin’ Cheetah Wheelies, which became critically acclaimed thanks in large part to his charismatic performances. This will be a rare chance to see him in such an intimate venue, with seats and standingroom tickets available.
More: $27 and up; Oct. 9, 7:30 p.m.; Evening Muse, 3227 N. Davidson St.; eveningmuse.com
BENISE: FIESTA!
10/12
CHARLOTTE SYMPHONY’S HEROES: A VIDEO GAME SAGA
With the rising popularity of local music organization Phoenix Down RPG and the recent show by Bit Brigade at Amos’ Southend, it seems that live video game scoring is becoming a thing. That’s OK with us, because it’s a thing that kicks ass. Charlotte Symphony gets in on the fun with this Heroes event, taking attendees on an epic hero’s journey through the visuals and music of some of the most popular video games of all time including Assassin’s Creed, Dragon Age, Fallout, Halo, Mass Effect, Skyrim, World of Warcraft and more.
More: $29 and up; Oct. 12, 7:30 p.m.; Belk Theater, 130 N. Tryon St.; blumenthalarts.org
Known as “The Prince of Spanish Guitar,” Roni Benise takes his Emmy Award-winning production to Uptown for an adventure through Spanish flamenco, Cuban salsa, Brazilian samba, Parisian waltz, exotic drumming and more. Benise fuses classic rock anthems from Led Zeppelin and AC/DC with Spanish guitar and dance to bring a fierce intensity to the interpretations. But it’s not just his take on rock; the iconic Spanish guitarist adds his signature touch to classics such as “Ave Maria,” “Moonlight Sonata,” and Vivaldi’s “Summer” from The Four Seasons. From his humble beginnings as a street performer to being featured on Dancing With The Stars, Benise pushes the boundaries of music wherever he goes.
Blxst, the singer, rapper, producer, songwriter and executive who’s said to be leading the new wave of L.A. hip-hop since 2020’s billion-streaming No Love Lost EP, is ready to pick up the torch from collaborator Kendrick Lamar, who helped him pick up his first two Grammy nominations in 2023 for Best Melodic Rap Performance as a feature on Kendrick’s “Die Hard” with Amanda Reifer and for Album of the Year on the Compton icon’s revered LP, Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers. On his 2024 debut album, I’ll Always Come Find You, Blxst changed his pace up a bit and, in the process, proved he’s ready for a spotlight all his own.
More: $50 and up; Oct. 13, 8 p.m.; The Fillmore, 820 Hamilton St.; fillmorenc.com
BOOKPALOOZA ‘24
It’s the inaugural “everything books” festival for bibliophiles and bookworms, taking place all day at Urban District Market. The event will include Literary Lane, where you can meet more than 25 local and regional authors or shop around among vendors selling book art, crafts and other products for book enthusiasts. The Neverland-themed Kid Zone will include crafts, a bounce house, horses and face painting so the kiddos won’t be bored while you take in the author discussions, readings and book signings. And if you really want to get in touch with your nerdy side, take part in the book character costume contest.
More: Free; Oct. 12, 11 a.m.-7 p.m.; Urban District Market, 421 E. 26th St.; udmmilldistrict.com
LAST CALL FOR JAH
Jesse Hinkelman releases final project as The Last Jah
BY JONATHAN GOLIAN
Moving on can mean many things. While the act may often be difficult, there are any number of reasons that moving on, whatever from, can be the best thing for a person.
In music, band break-ups and shake-ups happen on a regular basis. Some artists will move on with new members in tow, creating revolving doors until they get a sound just right, or they may cut all ties to move onto other endeavors or pursue a particular vision of what needs to be done for their craft.
Artists sometimes need to be willing to undergo a radical transformation to reach that higher plateau.
For Charlotte-based artist Jesse Hinkelman, aka Jahphomet, it is a slight mixture of the latter two that has closed the book on one of Jesse’s longest lasting projects, The Last Jah, releasing a curated collection of tracks under the moniker for an album titled Sacred For // Shallow Friend, which will serve as a farewell to The Last Jah as Hinkelman moves on to pursue new projects.
Hinkelman’s final turn as The Last Jah sees the artist dig into the crates to release past tracks and demos that never saw the light of day, many of which invoke pain, frustration and a road paved with indifference mixed with acceptance — the kind of feeling that comes when everything is out of control and sitting with yourself is all that’s left.
The production over the lyrics is crisp and audible enough to bring listeners into the same room with whatever ghosts haunted him during the crafting of each track.
It isn’t just in the lyrics of “Blood Anthem I” and “II” that the mental scars are apparent, it is also in the tone
and grit of the vocals that add to the greater picture.
The conflicts present from verse to verse make the set of tracks incredibly personal, but in a way that invites listeners to see humanity, reality and acceptance delivered in rapid succession, especially in the first of the two.
“Wish I had the yearning/ So pick up when you call me/ I just want to press ignore/ lock the doors when you come knocking/ It’s not that I don’t love you or appreciate the sacrifices made/ the past just left a bitter taste/ The many lies I visit/ no matter how you spin it/ I’m just trying to reassemble all the pieces left…”
While the first “Blood Anthem” track held down a more beat-centric background that Jah laid the lyrics onto like bricks, the sequel changes the tone a bit by adding instrumental elements in and a bit of vocal song to the chorus.
The production is stretched in a way that adds a drawn-out quality to the track. Hinkelman explained that, while the first song in the series deals with a parent, the somberness of the second is attributed to interactions with a sibling.
“I feel like ‘Blood Anthem I’ had a much deeper meaning from the get go, whereas ‘Blood Anthem II’ was more so just about a sibling of mine, where it just seemed like, no matter how old we got, it just seemed like things just never changed,” he explained. “It can be a challenge to admit the ones you love that never change should be left outside your grip, and that’s kind of where I was at.”
Not every track was inspired by familial anecdotes. The opener, “Wanderers,” still expresses its share of stress during its short two-minute duration. Jah speaks with a
REWIND: CLT’S NEW MUSIC RELEASES
SPIT CURLS, “HIGHLANDS” & “CALAMINE
(AUDREY + OWEN)”
Chris Powers of Seabreeze Diner and Star Tropics debuts his solo project Split Curls with two new releases, showcasing a high-energy indie rock sound with “Highlands” followed by a slowed-down song “Calamine (Audrey + Owen)” that features a more electronic percussion sound with pedal steel guitar mixed in for a different vibe. Stream at spitcurls.bandcamp.com
PAT
JUNIOR, ‘BROKEN SERVICE I’
Grammy Award-winning Raleigh-based producer and rapper Pat Junior is a seasoned veteran both on the boards and the mic, and his latest two-track release Broken Service I shows off his skills in both arenas. The new release begins with “Free Yourself,” which leads listeners on a journey of reflection and hope, while “Midnight Study” takes a grittier path to a similar destination of selfacceptance.
Stream on Spotify
fresh determination within the messaging, on one hand questioning himself in the chorus — “What is this?/ What am I to do?/ Where am I to go when I fall?” — and on the other, finding a way forward through talking himself up in a way many of us do when we feel like we’re lost or down.
“Wanderers was really kind of another turning point where I was really like, you know what, I can’t let life kind of get me down. And I love doing music. I love being creative. [It’s a] ‘I’ve got to keep going at it’ kind of thing, you know?”
The personal anecdotes sewn throughout the record paint a picture of a time in Hinkelman’s life. By his accounting, the tracks were made as far as seven years apart, with each part of the album fitting together like jigsaw pieces to tell a complete story.
Next moves for Jahphomet
What got me interested to talk to Hinkelman about Sacred Foe // Shallow Friend was the potential that the project may be the last Charlotte audiences heard not only from The Last Jah but Hinkelman under any of his monikers.
Fortunately, he has since clarified in an Instagram post advertising the new album that he will continue to make music as Jahphomet, focusing on his production work for the near-future.
“I’m more so focusing strictly on the quality, as well as being more involved with mixing and production, rather than pushing music out as an artist,” Hinkelman told me. “I will continue to do what I did as The Last Jah, but that was more so, I’d say a personal project, and [now that] we’re now moving forward as Jahphomet, I want to be a bit more professional with it.
“I want a certain level of quality with the content that I release,” he continued, “and I just don’t think that I was at a stage in my life where I could do that as The Last Jah.”
As for what comes next, he’ll be working with close collaborator and longtime friend Lil’ Skritt, as the two are will craft a collaborative album this fall, more than three years since the release of their joint EP Once Before & Now Again.
Jesse’s final turn as The Last Jah, Sacred Foe // Shallow Friend, is available exclusively on Bandcamp for purchase and streaming.
INFO@QCNERVE.COM
SINGLE & VIDEO
TIA CORINE,
“DIFFERENT
COLOR STONES”
The hottest thing out of Winston-Salem is in the midst of her moment right now, or her “Thanos era,” as Hypebeast called it when she dropped “Different Color Stones” on Sept. 21, which came with a dripped out and glittered up visual directed by Moshpit. The new track is a great follow-up to her eight-track EP from February, Almost There, and we could argue that the “almost” is no longer necessary.
Stream at tiacorine.lnk.to/DifferentColorStones
VIDEO
ALAN CHARMER, “LOST/CONTROL”
It perhaps wouldn’t be expected for local R&B singer Alan Charmer to drop his latest visuals to back up a single that’s three years old, but in collaborating with Chris Lomartire Dillon Deaton, who worked on this video as director o director of photography, respectively, the trio kept gravitating to this moody single from 2021. Check out what they put together when it premieres on qcnerve.com on Friday, Oct. 4.
JESSE HINKELMAN, AKA JAHPHOMET
PHOTO ON LEFT BY DUSTIE BAYER
SHOWCASE
PAUSE: confluence block party
Confluence Music Fest is back, bringing together industry professionals, music artists, and music fans for three days and nights of inspiration, networking, learning and entertainment.
Daytime conference programming will take place from Oct. 9-11 at the AvidXchange Music Factory in Uptown, with live music spread across seven venues in Uptown, NoDa and Plaza Midwood on the nights of Oct. 10 & 11.
This year the festival is adding a free block party from 3:30-6:30 p.m. on Friday, Oct. 11 as the fest takes over
the lot between The Hamilton and VBGB for networking, vendors, games and live music.
Attendees will enjoy performances by Americana duo Courtney Lynn & Quinn plus rising country star Austin McNeill. Food and drinks will be available for purchase from VBGB with more surprises to be announced later.
Visit ConfluenceCarolinas.com to check out the seven different lineups scheduled for venues including Petra’s (indie folk/rock), The Evening Muse (Americana/rock), Snug Harbor (indie pop/alternative), Starlight on 22nd (R&B, indie soul, hip-hop), The Underground (hip-hop), Visulite Theatre (indie pop), and Neighborhood Theatre (Americana).
MODERN MOXIE WILL PERFORM AT SNUG HARBOR AS PART OF CONFLUENCE FEST ON OCT. 10. DAN RUSSELL-PINSON
WITH HASTE! AT ABARI BLOCK PARTY, 9/28/24
PHOTO BY DAN RUSSELL-PINSON ROCKS FOR LIZARDS AT PETRA’S, 9/5/24
PHOTO BY DAN RUSSELL-PINSON
DIPSTICK AT ABARI BLOCK PARTY, 9/28/24
PHOTO BY DAN RUSSELL-PINSON
BRIZB AT CIAF
PHOTO BY DAN RUSSELL-PINSON
BY RYAN PITKIN
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 2
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Big Fun w/ Convalescent, Majic Dust, Between Two Trees (Snug Harbor)
JAZZ/BLUES
Jazz Nights at Canteen (Camp North End)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Lisa De Novo (Goldie’s)
Dave Barnes w/ Steve Moakler (Neighborhood Theatre)
The Soundwave is Queen City Nerve’s comprehensive guide to live music happening in Charlotte every night of the week. This list is pulled together by our editorial team every other week from combing through Charlotte music venue calendars and separated by genre. None of these listings are paid advertisements. We understand that many non-traditional music venues offer live music like coffee shops, breweries, art galleries, community events and more.
This list may not have every event listed. To have a venue included in the editorial compilation of this list, please send an email to info@qcnerve.com with the subject “Soundwave.”
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Cults (Amos’ Southend)
Ben Rector (The Amp Ballantyne) HOL! (Blackbox Theater)
Hot & Fresh feat. J. Overcash & Friends (Salud Cerveceria)
Marauda (The Underground)
JAZZ/BLUES
Jackiem Joyner (Middle C Jazz)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Courtney Lynn & Quinn w/ Reid Ferguson (Camp North End)
FUNK/JAM BANDS
The Willie Douglas Band (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) COVER BANDS
Te’Jani w/ Wes Parker, Joe McGovern, Caelifera (Snug Harbor)
COVER BANDS
Johnny Folsom 4 (Johnny Cash tribute) (Middle C Jazz)
OPEN MIC
Open Mic Night (Goldie’s)
Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster) Variety Open Mic (Starlight on 22nd)
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 10
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Candy w/ Jivebomb, Taraneh, Gumm, Divine Right (The Milestone)
Confluence: Oceanic, Dead Andrews, Modern Moxie, Family Video, Deore (Snug Harbor) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Under The Rug w/ Basic Printer (Evening Muse)
Confluence: Lua Flora w/ Brown Mountain Lightning Bugs, Jack the Radio, Falllift, Elonzo Wesley (Petra’s) Clay Street Unit w/ The Wildmans (Visulite Theatre) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Kids and Their Computers w/ Wild Love (Evening Muse)
Whistler w/ Hillmouse, Cassettiquette (Petra’s)
The Soundwave is Queen City Nerve’s comprehensive guide to live music happening in Charlotte every night of the week. This list is pulled together by our editorial team every other week from combing through Charlotte music venue calendars and separated by genre. None of these listings are paid advertisements. We understand that many non-traditional music venues offer live music like coffee shops, breweries, art galleries, community events and more.
This list may not have every event listed. To have a venue included in the editorial compilation of this list, please send an email to info@qcnerve.com with the subject “Soundwave.”
MAFIA w/ Fear Illusion, Mockery, Hermaues Mora (The Rooster)
Ray LaMontagne w/ Gregory Alan Isakov (Skyla Amphitheatre)
Roman Candles w/ The Trick Threat (VisArt Video)
JAZZ/BLUES
Antonia Bennett (Middle C Jazz)
Victor Wooten & the Wooten Brothers (Neighborhood Theatre)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Purgatory: Macabre Mischief (Amos’ Southend)
Joywave (The Underground)
Off the Wall: A Tribe Called Quest X Native Tongue (Snug Harbor)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Jason Moss & the Hosses (Comet Grill)
Palmyra (Primal Brewery)
CHRISTIAN/GOSPEL/RELIGIOUS
Karen Poole (Booth Playhouse)
CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL
Heroes: A Video Game Symphony (Belk Theater) FAMILY
The Jolly Lollies (Camp North End) COVER BANDS
Gump Fiction w/ Lisa & Savannah (Goldie’s)
The Time Machine Band (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 13
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Nosey Neighbor w/ Ythgrp, Dummy Pass, Stinkbuggg, Flora in Silence (The Milestone)
The Convalescence (Neighborhood Theatre)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Blxst (The Fillmore)
Peezy (The Underground) JAZZ/BLUES
Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill)
Keenan Harmon & the Nexus Jazz Group (Stage Door Theater)
Matt Marshak (Middle C Jazz)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Sha La La Sunday (Petra’s)
MIXED-GENRE/FESTIVAL
Asheville Disaster Relief Fundraiser (Starlight on 22nd) FAMILY
The Jolly Lollies (Goldie’s)
MONDAY, OCTOBER 14
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Inhaler (The Fillmore)
JAZZ/BLUES
The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Charlotte Bluegrass Allstars (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) OPEN MIC
Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Haley Besson (Evening Muse)
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 15
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)
Steve Wynn w/ Wilde Green (Snug Harbor)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Cuco (The Fillmore)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Gillian Welch & David Rawlings (Knight Theater) OPEN MIC
Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)
VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING
THE RAW FACTS
Raw milk movement on the rise despite health officials’ warnings
BY ANNIE KEOUGH
Milk is a staple of many diets. Whether it comes from a cow, goat, sheep, nut, or oat, the vitamins and nutrients milk gives to your body can be vital to your health. Before the 18th century, however, alternative milks weren’t an option; raw milk was the only milk you were going to find.
In 1864, French scientist Louis Pasteur developed a method of sanitization called pasteurization, a process that removes disease-causing bacteria and germs by heating milk to a certain temperature for differing amounts of time.
It wasn’t until more than a century later in 1987 that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) issued regulations against the interstate sale of raw milk, adopting the basic public health measure that pasteurization was necessary for safe milk consumption.
Four years previous to that federal law, in 1983, North Carolina had banned the sale of raw milk for human consumption, maintaining the ban to this day, which makes North Carolina one of four remaining states upholding the law per GS 106-266.35.
If small farms choose to sell raw milk today, it has to be clearly labeled as “Not for Human Consumption,” meant to be used only for animal feed.
Though the number of raw milk consumers is still relatively low — about 4.4% of U.S. adults (nearly 11 million people) report reported drinking raw milk at least once each year in a 2022 FDA study while about 1% said they consume it each week — the interest in organic, sustainable food sources is growing.
Between March and May of this year, even as the bird flu virus was detected in American cattle for the first time, raw milk saw a 21% spike in weekly sales compared to previous months, a 65% increase compared with the same period in 2023.
Despite repeated warnings from the world’s leading health organizations — the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) call raw cow’s milk one of the “riskiest” foods a human can consume — a debate is kept alive by individuals touting raw milk’s value on social media.
Niharika Deekonda, founder of Vidhi Farms, a fresh milk supplier in Wingate, says she’s seen a noticeable shift in consumer preferences toward farm-to-table, which has increased interest in fresh, minimally processed products including milk.
More people want to feel a sense of control over where their food comes from, leading them to products straight from a farm, she said.
Raw milk advocates claim pasteurization strips milk of beneficial nutrients and enzymes while health officials say pasteurization is necessary to remove raw milk pathogens linked to foodborne illness.
Though organizations like the Raw Milk Institute are funding studies that they believe will show the benefits of raw milk, there is little scientific evidence currently backing their claims. Raw milk enthusiasts continue to push a body of anecdotal evidence over social media, however, which has strengthened the raw milk movement across the country.
Narcisse Greenway, a local raw milk consumer, started drinking raw milk four years ago after finding out her family’s house contained lead.
Greenway said she painstakingly researches every decision in her life and in her effort to avoid further lead exposure for her children, she found nutrition was one of the number one ways to prevent lead absorption.
She said she learned that in other countries that consume raw milk, the people had lower levels of lead poisoning even if they were exposed to higher levels of lead. Feeding her children raw milk helped take some stress off of her, she said, as she could take comfort in knowing they were getting the nutrients they needed.
The Raw Milk Institute’s website is full of testimonials claiming raw milk cured consumers of conditions like lactose intolerance and irritable bowel syndrome while lowering diastolic blood pressure, balancing iron levels and more.
Greenway believes pasteurized milk strips away beneficial micronutrients and probiotics that are difficult to get from non-animal milk sources. She is convinced that the probiotics, in particular, have restored her gut health and rid her of all the symptoms of Crohn’s diagnosis that she struggled with before consuming raw milk regularly.
“While the perceived nutritional and health benefits of raw milk consumption have not been scientifically substantiated, the health risks are clear,” an FDA official told Queen City Nerve. “We have, and will continue to, urge consumers who purchase raw milk to understand the health risks involved.”
In the two decades between 1998 to 2018, the CDC documented more than 200 illness outbreaks traced to raw milk, which sickened more than 2,600 people and hospitalized more than 225.
These are risks that Deekonda says are made clear to customers at Vidhi Farms before buying or consuming their milk.
Although it is illegal to sell raw milk for human consumption in North Carolina, Vidhi Farms has found a loophole. Because it is not illegal to consume your own cow’s raw milk, Vidhi Farms is able to sell “herd shares” that allow shareholders to become part owners of the farm’s herd of cows.
Through this program, members aren’t purchasing raw milk directly. Instead, they own a portion of the herd and receive unprocessed milk from their share, Deekonda said. There’s a one-time buy-in fee and monthly boarding fees that entitle each member to a weekly gallon of milk.
Deekonda emphasized that Vidhi Farms doesn’t necessarily promote raw milk consumption, however, they do take pride in providing the freshest possible milk to their members, who prefer unpasteurized milk within 24 hours of milking to the store-bought options that could be days old, Deekonda said.
“While some raw milk advocates highlight potential benefits, such as natural enzymes and nutrients, we always encourage our customers to make informed decisions,” she added.
What are the risks?
The FDA and CDC agree that raw milk can carry a variety of foodborne illnesses including E.coli, salmonella, listeria and campylobacter, putting those who consume it at risk, especially people with weakened immune systems, children, seniors and pregnant people.
As reported by PBS in May, before milk standards were adopted in 1924, about 25% of foodborne illnesses in the U.S. were related to dairy consumption. That number is down to about 1%, according to Alex O’Brien, safety and quality coordinator for the Center for Dairy Research.
“Raw milk can contain a variety of disease-causing pathogens, as demonstrated by numerous scientific studies,” an FDA official told Queen City Nerve. “These studies, along with numerous foodborne outbreaks, clearly demonstrate the risk associated with drinking raw milk.”
Despite the warnings, some consumers continue to make decisions based on their own research. Greenway said that one thing that led to her decision to consume raw milk was seeing the number of cases of foodborne illness that came from common foods like lettuce and other vegetables and fruits.
In the most recent foodborne illness source attribution estimate report by members of the Interagency Food Safety Analytics Collaboration which includes the CDC, the FDA and the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food
PHOTO COURTESY OF VIDHI FARMS
GUERNSEY CATTLE AT VIDHI FARMS.
COURTESY OF VIDHI FARMS
LEGAL LABELING
FOOD & DRINK FEATURE
Safety and Inspection Service, the group used outbreak surveillance data from 1998 through 2021 to identify food sources of priority foodborne pathogens for salmonella, E. coli and listeria.
These specific pathogens were singled out due to the “frequency and severity of illness they cause, and because targeted interventions can significantly reduce these illnesses,” according to the report.
While unpasteurized dairy products accounted for the majority of listeria illnesses compared to 16 other food categories, generally accessible foods like chicken, vegetable row crops, fruits and beef had significantly more attributable illnesses of salmonella and E.coli.
“I’m not saying there’s not a risk,” Greenway said. “There’s a risk-benefit to everything that you do in life, but I’m not going to not eat vegetables because of that risk.”
The CDC says pasteurization is crucial for milk safety as it kills harmful germs that can cause illness, while an FDA official insisted the process does not have any significant impact on milk’s nutritional quality the way raw milk enthusiasts claim it does.
Deekonda agrees pasteurization plays a role in food safety and eliminating harmful bacteria, but she also believes it may change the natural taste and texture of the milk, which is usually said to be sweeter and creamier than pasteurized milk.
Growing up, Deekonda’s mother and grandmother would boil fresh milk from their backyard herd, a traditional form of pasteurization.
Vidhi Farms does not pasteurize their milk before giving it to member-customers, but Deekonda said they do encourage those who are concerned about safety to consider boiling or pasteurizing the milk themselves at home.
“That way, they can enjoy both the safety and most of the quality that fresh milk offers,” she said.
Hygiene also plays a key role in safety, as the CDC says good sanitation practices on raw milk farms can reduce contamination, though they cannot guarantee safety from harmful bacteria.
Before every milking session, Vidhi Farms cleans the cow’s udders and teats, the milking stanchion and all related equipment as well as sanitizing the milking machines and glass jars that store the milk, Deekonda said.
Speaking to the farmer personally and seeing the care they have for their herd pushed her to move forward with her decision to consume the milk, she told Queen City Nerve.
She added that she does pay attention to the concerns from major agencies like the FDA and CDC, pointing out that they often mention that consuming raw milk carries a high risk of contracting harmful bacteria like E.coli.
Since E.coli often spreads through contact with human or animal feces, as long as small farms are sanitizing their cow’s udders, Greenway said she believes there’s no issue.
The last word on raw milk
Some raw milk advocates espouse the talking point that our ancestors survived solely on raw milk, though the lifespan of a typical human before pasteurization came along was around 40 — for many reasons related to a lack of knowledge and technology.
Science and research have come a long way since then, giving us the raw data on raw milk to help each person consume enough information to make an informed decision on the risks that come with drinking raw milk.
With the backing of much of the scientific community,
consumers to consult with health care providers if they have any concerns, as everyone’s dietary needs are unique.
Greenway agrees, stating that she believes the onesize-fits-all solution government bodies try to enact is not the answer, and she has no plans of stopping her
consumption of raw milk based on what any agency has to say.
“Everybody is different,” she said. “Raw milk might not be right for you, but it’s right for me.”
AKEOUGH@QCNERVE.COM
Adv tise With Us
Greenway admitted that pasteurization is necessary in large factory farming where regular cattle health checks and sanitization of large herds isn’t realistic.
However, she pointed out that most raw milk consumers typically buy from small family farms with manageable herds.
“With our small herd, we’re able to give each step the attention it deserves to ensure cleanliness,” Deekonda said.
Greenway buys from a local farm that regularly tests its cattle and each batch of raw milk before they sell it.
COURTESY OF VIDHI FARMS
RAW MILK FOR VIDHI FARMS’ HERD SHARE MEMBERS
LIFESTYLE PUZZLES
SUDOKU
BY LINDA THISTLE
TRIVIA TEST
BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ
1. U.S. STATES: Which state’s nickname is The Hawkeye State?
2. MOVIES: What are the bad guys called in “Transformers”?
3. MYTHOLOGY: What happens to people when Medusa turns her gaze on them?
4. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a group of crocodiles in the water called?
5. FOOD & DRINK: What is the main ingredient in bouillabaisse (stew)?
6. ASTRONOMY: How old is our Sun?
7. TELEVISION: Where does Walter White live in “Breaking Bad”?
8. LITERATURE: The character named Ichabod Crane appears in which 19th-century story?
9. MEDICAL: What is a common name for onychocryptosis?
CROSSWORD
PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.
10. GEOGRAPHY: What is the capital of Nova Scotia?
Changes need to be made in our mental health system
BY JUSTIN LAFRANCOIS
Over the last few months, for the first time in my life, I have been begging for help — not the help of a friend or family member to get me through a tough time, I mean real psychological help.
As I’ve been shut out from meaningful care in every direction I’ve looked, I have been left to advocate for myself in fixing the serious, deep psychological issues I face. This has not only stalled my current healing process but woken me up to the broken nature of our county’s and country’s mental health care industry.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) as a teen, which some consider too young an age for such a diagnosis, and which I plan to have re-diagnosed in the coming weeks.
Living with BPD makes the stress of daily life more difficult due to distorted thinking that causes unstable emotions and relationships. When in the throes of overwhelming emotions, I am unable to think straight or react in a healthy way to triggers and other instances that cause me to act out or say things that are hurtful, filling me with shame and worthlessness in the end.
I also struggle with recurring depression, anxiety and seasonal affective disorder among other negative personality traits such as rage, suicidal ideation and dismissive communication that isolates me from others.
I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment and what’s known as a “disorganized attachment style” that has made it nearly impossible for me to establish a true connection with any person for longer than a couple years.
I have avoided reconciling or doing the work that could help heal these traits my whole life, believing I was stronger than my problems or that I could simply suppress them — bottle them up until they go away and/or drink myself into countless stupors to mask my feelings.
More recently, while navigating through the early stages of a journey in sobriety, I’ve dealt with an especially difficult end to a meaningful personal relationship, professional burnout and the passing of dates and anniversaries that are extremely emotional for me.
During this time, I’ve been participating in intense rounds of therapy, in which I’ve repeatedly had to process serious childhood trauma. My lack of emotional regulation has thrown me into a deep feeling of loneliness that has spiraled me into a darkness I haven’t known before.
I thought I had been depressed before, but this time has been an entire new level of emptiness and self-doubt.
As I’ve sought help with these issues, I’ve come to realize one undeniable fact: Our mental health care system is hopelessly overwhelmed.
Let’s start from the beginning: Having finally overcome childhood trauma related to seeking help from mental health professionals and with medication management that made it difficult to start asking, I finally scheduled an
appointment with my doctor and let it all out: I can’t focus, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I feel like giving up on work and life. I need help.
We started on a low dosage of an ADHD medication to assist in my focus, which helped initially.
Without looking at me or asking a single question in the 10 minutes I was in his office, the doctor told me, “I can tell you’re experiencing depression, so let’s start you on an SSRI,” which refers to a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, a specific type of antidepressant.
I declined that offer and insisted that I be referred to a psychologist for evaluation and diagnosis as well as a psychiatrist for accurate medication management. I was told I would hear back in a few days. A week went by before I called to check on things. “They have the referral but something is holding it up, it looks like insurance maybe. Give it another week.”
After three weeks, I went to a follow-up appointment with my primary care physician to see how the new meds were working out. We upped the dosage and added a low dosage of an antidepressant to manage my depression. I was in and out in 10 minutes.
Then four weeks after asking for real help, I had a breakdown — a serious one that included extreme visualizations of bad things. I called family members and told them I didn’t feel safe alone and that they needed to come.
While they were en route, I received an email about my psych referral. “Hello, Due to no appointment availability within Atrium Behavioral Health and/or per your Atrium care provider’s referral order, your referral has been sent out to (*out of network place*). You can contact them at (*phone number*) to discuss scheduling your appointment. Have a great day!”
I would eventually follow that referral only to find that nothing was available until mid-2025.
After a long conversation with my family, we decided it was best for me to go to the Atrium Behavioral Health (ABH) emergency department to hopefully establish an immediate comprehensive plan for care. During the triage-style check-in process at what immediately felt like a prison, my thoughts and words were misunderstood and misconstrued. I was deemed a safety risk, like I had done something wrong. They took me to the back room, stripped me down to nothing, inventoried my tattoos, put me in mesh underwear and socks with grips on them, gave me some oversized scrubs and said, “You’ll have to wait here until a doctor can speak with you, but we’ll make up a bed for you.”
“Here” is a quiet, poorly lit hallway with a leaky ceiling, cutesy cloud covers over some of the fluorescent lights, and attendings who watch over you but do not engage with you. The “bed” is a mat drug across the floor and placed against the wall with a sheet, blanket and pillow. If I wasn’t insane,
they certainly worked hard to make me feel that I was.
I sat for hours, writhing deeper into my emotional hole with no idea of how long I may be locked in that hallway, or what the outcome might be whenever I did finally get to speak to a doctor. The experience immediately brought up trauma from a psych hospital stay I went through at 12 years old during which I was placed in an adult unit and forced to watch the David Bowie film Labyrinth on repeat for a month because the tape was jammed in the VCR while sometimes being allowed to paint pictures but always being force-fed medication.
But back to my recent event. A man who said he had been held in the hallway for three days continuously begged for any health care professional to talk to him, tapping on the glass divider of the nurses’ station situated in the middle of the ED.
“You’re gonna get another day if you don’t calm down,” they told him, adding that the best thing he could do was go to sleep.
There was no way I would be sleeping in this hallway. Described as a place where “you can’t hurt yourself,” the hallway felt more like a prison or the stereotypical asylum you may have seen depicted in movies. The hallway was painful. I even tried to plan an escape.
So many mental health advocates focus on the stigma that surrounds mental health disorders, but nobody discusses the more tangible issues that arise when a person finally overcomes that stigma and shares that they feel unsafe in their mind. There is no safety in being locked in what feels like a forgotten hallway where you no longer have choice, voice or independence.
I paced the hallway repeatedly, 75 steps from end to end. I got up on my toes to peer out the single window pane that wasn’t covered in tinted tape to remind myself that the outside world was real. I had only been in for three hours at that point.
Finally, after convincing myself it wouldn’t happen at all, a doctor came in looking for me. “So, what’s going on?” he asked.
I laid it all out again. He didn’t ask another question related to the care I was seeking, just gave me the options. “We can keep you overnight, and since it’s after midnight that would mean for an additional 36 hours; we could find a bed for you in our Davidson facility and hospitalize you; or you could go home. Our time together is almost up.” Another 10-minute interaction.
I went home, desperate not to spend another minute in that hallway. Before leaving, however, I asked about an option that he hadn’t referenced: a partial hospitalization program, something that could help me find daily treatment while still having the independence to address my many responsibilities at work.
He offered to refer me to a program ABH offers and said I should hear back that same day or the next about setting up the intake process. Once I was finally discharged, free from the confines of that dungeon, days continued to go by with no word about the program.
I called only to be told to call back the next day, only to then be told to call back the next week. I wanted to cry. I did cry. Please, help me. I finally got the call I had been waiting for telling me I was scheduled for intake in early October. Finally.
Through this experience, I’ve also come across another mental health care process that needs immediate reform: scheduling a psychological evaluation to diagnose mental and personality disorders, which would ensure I receive the
correct type of therapy for long-term change. After receiving my intake date, I made no less than 86 phone calls to private practices and hospital systems over the next two days all around the state. “You need an innetwork referral … We don’t have anything available this year … We don’t actually do that kind of testing here even though it is advertised through the resource you checked …” Out of pure luck, one nonprofit in the area had recently hired a new psychiatric nurse practitioner, which opened up one single available appointment in the coming weeks. I gladly took it.
I now have everything scheduled that I feel I need to continue the work I am doing on myself. Getting here was a nightmare trial of impersonal rudeness, unanswered phone calls, brush-offs, lies, misunderstandings, carelessness and a number of other experiences that all in their own way added to my existing feelings of worthlessness.
EDITOR’S NOTE: After the writing of this essay, the author was informed by the nonprofit where the evaluation and testing were scheduled that the psychology practitioner is no longer working at their facility and that the appointment was canceled with no other dates available.
I am not a special case. In fact, I am quite privileged in the sense that I have a place to live, a strong support system, a job, and self-awareness that led me to finally seek help, not to mention all the systemic privilege that comes with being a cisgender white man in America.
Despite that privilege, it was everything I could do not to give up at any given turn, as I had to keep reminding myself that this isn’t the life I want to live anymore.
Another privilege I have is this platform, which I have now been motivated to use in the hopes that I can help someone else who feels hopeless get the help they deserve — to remind others that they are not crazy, that their feelings are valid, that the world is a hard place to live in when you’re fighting with yourself.
I also realize that something needs to change. I don’t know how that change is made, but that’s not my job. The administrators of our health care system must make this change. To start, the powers that be must build more capacity — more appointments available for people experiencing a mental health crisis to provide more personalized care outside of being institutionalized at the drop of a hat. There must be an expansion of services offered, which can only come from an increase in public funding. There must be an entire overhaul of the physical space you are confined to when seeking this help.
In that nightmare of a hallway alone there could be impactful changes made: The walls could be painted a therapeutic color instead of the lunch-bag brown that they are. There could be a room with the lights on for those who don’t want to sit in the dark at night.
There could be a room for engagement where a counselor is available to simply converse. There could be a doctor assigned specifically to address the people waiting in the hallway. Hell, offering more than one TV with different viewing options would create a more enjoyable experience for those waiting.
The entire experience must be changed. You should not feel like a prisoner for wanting or needing help. You should not be made to feel like an animal. You should not feel like you have done something wrong for wanting to better yourself. We must do so much more to help the people who are struggling.
JLAFRANCOIS@QCNERVE.COM
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Travel plans could be interrupted by the reemergence of a workplace problem that was never quite fully resolved. Deal with it at once, then take off on a well-deserved trip.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Aspects favor cultural activities for sensuous Bovines. Attend a concert or an art show. Better yet, create something yourself (a poem, perhaps?), and dedicate it to someone special.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Respect any doubts you might now be feeling about a new situation. They could be reflecting your inner awareness that some essential information might be missing. Check it out.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22) It’s important to start the new week with as clean of a slate as possible. Either complete all those unfinished tasks, or pass them on to others who would be more than happy to take them on.
LEO (July 23 to August 22) This is a good time to cut down on expenses and tame the urge to splurge. Applying some financial discipline now could help the Big Cat ride out a possible monetary crunch later on.
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Money matters are dominant this week. Recheck your accounts and make sure they’re up-to-date. Also, pay more attention to personal issues before they become major problems.
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) You might be tempted to employ the same tactics as your adversary, but this could backfire. Better to use the same balanced approach that has worked for you before and could work again.
SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A changing workplace environment could stir up confusion as well as apprehension. Best to ignore the rumors and get the facts. You could find that the changes bring positive elements.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Communication is easier this week, as people are ready and eager to hear what you have to say. Also, check for possible technical problems before you start a new project.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Aspects favor change for the usually traditional Goat. Opening your mind to possibilities you had ignored could lead you to make decisions you once considered improbable.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Making personal as well as professional adjustments to changing conditions might be easier with more information explaining the hows and the whys of the situations in question.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) With a growing tide of positive reactions to buoy your confidence, this could be the right time to put the finishing touches on your new project and get it well and truly launched.
BORN THIS WEEK: You have a gift for setting an example of quiet, calm reasoning in the midst of chaotic conditions.
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Mars, your ruling planet, will soon begin a journey that will open up a growing number of romantic and fun-filled possibilities. Put this surging Arian energy to good use and explore it to your heart’s content.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) This is the time to prepare for a career move coming up next month. Update your resume. Get those proposals in shape. And don’t forget to buff up that Bovine self-confidence!
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Your Gemini instincts will guide you to the right people who might be able to help you get over a career impasse that has been holding you back. Expect to make changes.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22) You’re getting closer, but you still have a way to go before reaching your goals. Continue to stay focused, no matter how difficult it can be for the easily distracted Moon Child.
LEO (July 23 to August 22) Your Leonine pride might be keeping you from getting to the source of a disturbing situation. Don’t be shy about asking questions. Remember, information is power.
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) It’s a good time to shake up your tidy little world by doing something spontaneous, like taking an unplanned trip or going on a mad shopping spree.
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) This is a good week to get advice on your plans. But don’t act on them until you feel sure that you’ve been told everything you need to know to support your move.
SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Be careful. You might be probing just a little too deeply into a situation that you find singularly suspicious. The facts you seek will begin to emerge at a later time.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) This is a good week to make new friends and look for new career challenges. But first, get all those unfinished tasks wrapped up and out of the way.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Relationships need a fresh infusion of tender, loving care. Avoid potential problems down the line. Stay close to loved ones as the month draws to a close.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Take things nice and easy as you continue to build up your energy reserves for a big change that comes in when the transformational planet Pluto reenters your sign later on next month.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) This is the absolute right time to let those often-hidden talents shine their brightest. You’ll impress some very important people with what you can do.
BORN THIS WEEK: You are impelled by a need to find the truth, no matter how elusive. You would make a wonderful research scientist or an intrepid detective.
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UPCOMING SPECIAL ISSUES
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SAVAGE LOVE
VICE GRIPS
Holes, poles and polls
BY DAN SAVAGE
I’m a gay man in his early 30s who’s into sex stripped down to its most basic elements: tops come in, fuck me, come and go. I’ve moved to a new city. One guy in his mid-twenties came over and we had awkward-but-passionate sex like that. We chatted a little afterwards. I went to his apartment to see him a week later, and we did it again. It was hot; we have chemistry. Turns out, he’s also new in town. He’s from a conservative part of the country and says I’m the second man he’s ever had sex with. He’s got a lot of things I look for in romantic partners: smart, cute, soft-spoken, driven, and into his job. The bad part is that he’s in management training for a problematic fast-food company, and while he’s fairly apolitical, he says he will “probably” vote for Trump.
While there are certainly plenty of gay conservatives, I feel like he’s someone who hasn’t seriously given a lot of thought to politics outside of his strong belief in free enterprise. This isn’t someone who thinks a lot about intersectionality or has interrogated the way capitalism exploits. He wants to be a good boss. You said once not to fuck Republicans because they should go fuck themselves, but I feel like there might be something here I can draw out of him. At the very least, his desire for kinky gay sex might make him willing to hear me out about my sharply divergent politics. But I don’t want to entertain someone who just wants his cake (my ass) and the license to eat it (his abhorrent politics), too. But the sex is good, and I like the idea of fixing him. What to do?
AROUSED SLUT SEES ULTIMATE POTENTIAL
For decades, ASSUP, I have urged sane gay men not to fuck gay Republicans — gay Republicans can go fuck themselves — but in 2015 I singled out one gay Republican in particular that I didn’t want other gay men fucking: Tim Miller, former campaign staffer for John McCain, former spokesman for the Republican National Committee, and at the time of my tweet, communications director for Jeb Bush. Seeing as Tim is no longer a Republican (but still a gay man), and seeing as my position on fucking gay Republicans hasn’t changed (just say no), I thought Tim might be able to offer you a less-biased answer. Despite my having urged other gay men not to suck Tim’s dick (without effect, it seems), Tim
graciously agreed to weigh in. His response follows:
“Yo, ASSUP. As a former Republican who Dan once tried to cockblock on account of his political views — unsuccessfully, I might add (very unsuccessfully) — I appreciate where your head is. Your instinct is downright humanitarian. It’s in line with the message Barack Obama delivered at the DNC convention. No, not the dick joke, the part where he said, “Everyone deserves a chance, and even when we don’t agree with each other, we can find a way to live with each other.” And here you are giving this hate chicken middle manager a chance to live in you! It’s a beautiful instinct really. Who knows, with your vice grip on his dick, maybe this young gay conservative might blossom into a coconut-pilled podcast host who eviscerates any MAGA moron that dares cross his path like yours truly.
“On the other hand ... It’s 2024, not 2014. Donald Trump attempted an insurrection. He’s currently advancing a racist conspiracy about Black immigrants abducting and eating house pets. He is a worthless shart stain with no redeeming qualities or virtues and that’s been abundantly clear to anyone with a brain for at least nine years now. Being for Trump at this point ... it’s not exactly the same as just mindlessly supporting Thom Tillis. It’s either an act of malice or supreme stupidity.
“So, like you, ASSUP, I’m torn. Not a great quality in an advice columnist but unfortunately for you Dan passed your question off to a substitute. I guess my ruling comes down to a practical calculation. If he lives in a swing state, hold your hole hostage until he pledges to support Kamala. We can’t fuck around with so much on the line. If he doesn’t live in a swing state, well, give it a few more whirls, at least until he reveals himself to be intentionally awful. Who knows what could happen, right? After all, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for, maybe your hole has the change he seeks.” — Tim Miller
I wanna thank Tim — both for responding to your question and for eviscerating MAGA morons five days a week on The Bulwark’s flagship daily podcast — and I wanna officially lift my fagwa against his dick: Gay men everywhere can suck Tim’s dick without incurring my wrath.
I also wanna expand a bit on something Tim addressed: Can your hole — can anyone’s hole — change a person? While I think some people are too far gone for hole (or pole) to save (you can’t fuck the Nazi out of someone), some people don’t ever think critically about political beliefs instilled in them by right-wing
families or churches until challenged by someone they’ve just fucked and wanna fuck again. The combination of sexual attraction, limerence and oxytocin — the “love hormone” that floods our systems during really good sex — can open a person up in surprising ways. While it took the nomination of Donald Trump for Tim Miller to see the GOP for what it was (and Tim has gone on to do amazing and important work in the fight against Trump and Trumpism), for other former gay Republicans it was something a guy said during their refractory period — that magical moment when both minds and asses gape open — that made the difference.
So, you have my blessing, ASSUP, to keep fucking this guy. But to assuage your guilt (and avoid my wrath), you should gently draw this man out about his politics (and his fast-food preferences) after he unloads in you. (There’s no better time to get someone to, um, interrogate the way capitalism exploits.) If thinking a little more deeply about his vote is the price he has to pay to keep unloading in you — if he knows he’s going to have to defend the indefensible when he sees you again — he may wind up voting for Kamala Harris along with you and me and Tim and all the other gay men out there with their heads screwed on straight.
You’ve got a little less than six weeks to fix this guy, ASSUP, so we’re gonna need you to douche daily and spend as much time in this man’s apartment — and on this man’s dick — as you can between now and Nov. 5. Your country is counting on you.
I’m a woman in my early forties in what has always been an ethically non-monogamous marriage with two middle-school kids. It’s my exfriend’s/lover’s birthday today. My husband met her on Tinder, and we connected over the fact that we both survived a relationship with the same manipulative, controlling, abusive asshole. Our relationships with him — without our knowledge — were overlapping. He’s a “Dom” only in that he was willing to use BDSM to mindfuck us both, constantly bending the concept of consent. He lied to both of us and deceived every step of the way. Top-level Dark Triad dude. My relationship with him almost broke my family apart. My exfriend said she has also hit the lowest point in her life because of him. Over the last three years, we helped each other heal while developing a small fun supporting tribe. Our kids become friends, we spent all our weekends together, went on camping trips, helped each other with house repairs. It was idyllic. Sex became a part of our relationship on her initiative. I made it clear that I didn’t want sex to be the main focus of our relationship. She agreed, but it soon became clear that she needed more from us — me and my husband both — than we could deliver. My focus was on the kids, hers and ours, and I always opted for activities that involved our families, while she preferred adult fun. Then one day she told me she got back with the asshole. I was in shock. I felt betrayed. I could only tell her I couldn’t be in her life if he was in her life
too, and to get back to me when he was out of the picture. I haven’t heard from her in two months. Our kids miss their friends. I also feel bad for her, and I feel a need to help, but I need to maintain my boundaries. My husband cares too, but he’s extremely busy with his startup so doesn’t really have the bandwidth. How should I navigate this? Should I reach out for the sake of all kids involved? I’m incredibly lonely and I miss her.
MOTHERS EXPERIENCING SENSITIVE SITUATION
I think you should reach out to your friend — let’s not slap the ex-friend label on her quite yet — for your kids’ sake, MESS, but also for your own.
You were extremely close until about two months ago, MESS, when your friend made a choice that dredged up painful memories and struck at the foundation of your initial connection; you bonded over being jerked around by the same terrible man at the same terrible time and now she’s seeing him again. But you miss your friend, MESS, and your kids miss their friends. So, again, for your sake and theirs, I think you should reach out to her.
Maintaining our boundaries is important, MESS, but sometimes we need to revisit and revise our boundaries. You don’t have to pretend to approve of what your friend is doing — you can and should express your disapproval when you first meet up to talk — and you don’t have to let Mr. Dark Triad back into your life. But hearing from your friend about why she let him back into her life might give you clarity about what to do next. If she’s back in Mr. Dark Triad’s thrall and makes excuses for him, you won’t want your friend back in your life the way she was before. But if you completely cut her off — if you refuse to even let your kids get together — you’ll be doing Mr. Dark Triad a favor, MESS, as you would be isolating your friend and there’s nothing an abuser wants more than to isolate his victim.
But it’s possible she isn’t in this thrall. A friend of mine once dated a guy who was a pathological liar. (He was in the CIA, he wrote for the Washington Post, his father owned the Dallas Cowboys.) My friend was in love with this guy and they were about to move in with each other when my friend came to his senses and dumped him. I was mystified six months later when they got back together. I felt better after talking to my friend; he wasn’t serious about this guy anymore — he was no longer in his thrall — and he was now able to take from him what he wanted (the sex was amazing) without taking him or anything he said seriously, as he no longer regarded him as a potential life partner. He didn’t have to pretend to believe his lies anymore and, more importantly, he didn’t have to defend his lies to his friends.
Now that your friend knows she can’t believe anything this man tells her — now that she knows he’s a manipulative asshole — he may not have the vice-grip hold on her that he once did. If she’s able to enjoy the dick (and the D/s) without being made crazy by his lies, getting together with this guy may not be putting her sanity at risk the same way it once did, even if it is — at the moment — putting your friendship at risk.
