Queen City Nerve - December 13, 2023

VOLUME 5, ISSUE 26; DECEMBER 13, 2023 - JANUARY 9, 2024; WWW.QCNERVE.COM

, Hello New Year Dexter Jordan skates into 2024 with momentum

By Pat Moran

Plus:

The 2023 New Year’s Eve Guide

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@Q UEEN CI T Y N ERV E W W W.Q CN ERV E.COM PUBLISHER JUSTIN LAFRANCOIS

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TABLE OF CONTENTS NEWS & OPINION

4 A Jump Start by Annie Keough

New county program addresses mental health concerns in infants and toddlers

ARTS & CULTURE

6 New Year’s Guide 2023 Last chance to party

8 Lifeline: Ten Cool Things To Do in Two Weeks

MUSIC

10 Dexter Jordan’s Musical Medicine by Pat Moran Soothing R&B artist celebrates self-love 12 Best in the Nest Party Recap

FOOD & DRINK

14 No Johnny Come Lately by Ryan Pitkin

Johnny Burrito builds a loyal customer base over 25 years in Uptown

LIFESTYLE

16 Soundwave 18 Puzzles 20 Aerin It Out by Aerin Spruill 21 Horoscope 22 Savage Love Pg. 3 DECEMBER 13 - 26, 2023 - QCNERVE.COM

Thanks to our contributors: Grant Baldwin, Aerin Spruill, Christopher Sancho Smalls, Frances Grinnan, Kayla von Briel, Jordan Fraker and Dan Savage.

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

A JUMP START

New county program addresses mental health concerns in infants and toddlers

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BY ANNIE KEOUGH

Mental health issues span gender, race, religion and age.

Over the years, mental health professionals have worked to include children in their consideration of mental health struggles, with the American Academy of Pediatrics declaring a national emergency in child and adolescent mental health in 2021.

So why are infants and toddlers — the most vulnerable members of our society — left out of the conversation?

“I think there’s a misunderstanding that family stress and trauma and things that are happening in the world in general don’t affect babies, but it really does,” said Lisa Cloninger, director of Mecklenburg County Public Health’s Children’s Developmental Services Agency (CDSA). “Anything that impacts the grown-ups impacts the child.”

In order to aid in an underserved population’s mental health needs, the CDSA launched its new Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health program in September.

CDSA is an early intervention agency, part of the statewide Infant-Toddler Program (NC ITP) that supports families with children aged from birth to 3 years old who experience developmental delays or show signs of an established condition, per NC ITP policy.

Clonginger saw families struggling with their child’s social and emotional needs but not meeting the requirements for services within CDSA because their child did not have a developmental delay.

The new Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health program, according to Cloninger, was born of the needs that those families faced.

“Some of the families aren’t eligible [for CDSA], but we know they still need help and there’s not anywhere to send them in the community to get that,” she told Queen City Nerve. “So we decided to build it ourselves.”

Using American Rescue Plan Act grant funding, CDSA established its free program focused on mental health services to reduce the impact of traumatic events on the birth-to-3-year-old population.

Why do babies need mental health services?

A child’s sense of security and attachment toward their caregiver indicates good mental health in infants and toddlers, says IECMH licensed clinician Tachina Hardy.

“Forming secure attachment with their caregiver(s) is essential for infant and toddlers’ development,” Hardy said. “Being able to regulate their emotions and the ability to express their needs are all signs of good mental health.”

When children are unable to regulate their emotions in infancy, it can be later associated with motor, language and cognitive delays, behavioral problems and ongoing parent-child relationship A NEW MECKLENBURG COUNTY PROGRAM AIMS TO ADDRESS MENTAL HEALTH AT A YOUNG AGE. PHOTO BY KIEFER PIX/ADOBESTOCK difficulties, according to ZERO to THREE (ZTT), a with Mecklenburg County. “We want to help that nonprofit organization dedicated to ensuring babies adulthood,” the organization continued.

Clinicians like Hardy follow the same early child and that family with the needed mental and toddlers have a strong start in life.

According to the organization, between 10- intervention design as CDSA to decrease the health services. Babies and young children may 15% of young children experience mental health likelihood of trauma and behavioral side effects not be able to tell you what’s wrong, but they feel it and it shapes their growth. We want to help our later in life. conditions like PTSD and anxiety. community with this new service.”

Much of that intervention begins with the child’s The more than 1 million neural connections Based on a given family’s needs, as established guardians. formed each second from birth to 3 mold babies’ “That’s a lot of what our services are,” Hardy said. in an initial, virtual visit conducted by licensed future social-emotional and cognitive functioning, “We’re there to work with the kid but we’re also clinicians, the program uses two different leaving them vulnerable to early mental health there to support the parents in working with their approaches to address concerns: traditional infant struggles.

Cloninger echoed the impact the early childhood kid and managing their behaviors and also helping and early childhood mental health strategies as well experiences have on a child’s brain development, the child learn how to manage their own behaviors.” as attachment and biobehavioral catchup, known as The program can help with issues that include ABC. saying they can shape how a child reacts to other Because they are so young, children below people and their environment and how they feel feeling overwhelmed with being a new parent; helping families support their child with regulating the age of 3 may find it difficult to navigate their about safety.

“Research has consistently found that securely emotions and behavior; ongoing significant stress emotions, Hardy said.

“Kids may not be understood because they don’t attached children experience better relationships due to divorce, substance use or domestic violence have the words to be understood.” with their parents and peers, heightened optimism, at home, and other concerns.

Traditional IECMH strategies for infants and Dealing with difficult events such as loss of a stronger self-esteem and enhanced problemtoddlers curb communication and developmental loved one, frequent moves or changes in caregivers, solving abilities,” ZTT reported.

“Conversely, adverse experiences such as neglect, scary events such as break-ins, car accidents, or difficulties by teaching them how to regulate and express their emotions, form close relationships abuse, or trauma can have negative effects on a community violence can also be triggering. with other people and explore their environment, “When dramatic changes occur in the life of baby’s mental health, potentially leading to issues like anxiety, depression, and behavioral problems a baby or young child, they are affected,” said Cloninger said.

In ABC — a short-term, evidence-based IECMH throughout childhood, adolescence and even Tamikia Greene, assistant public health director

NEWS & OPINION FEATURE modality — clinicians take on the role of “parent coaches” to teach guardians how to nurture their child and follow the child’s lead in addressing their concerns.

Clinicians also work with families inside their homes, using ABC to redirect parents’ interactions with their children through “in-the-moment commentary” to promote a secure parent-child attachment style.

“We’re not there to say, ‘Oh, you’re doing this wrong,’” Hardy said. “We’re there to encourage you in what you’re doing and to add to your toolbox as a parent.”

Getting started

The IECMH program’s eligibility criteria are not as stringent as CDSA’s.

If a family resides in Mecklenburg County and has a child aged 3 or under, they are eligible for the program.

Families can visit IECMH’s CDSA page to complete the referral form necessary for eligibility.

A referral from a doctor, friend or one’s self will lead to the initial, virtual visit to discuss a family’s needs. Cloninger said using yourself as a referral will not impact your chances of getting accepted into the program.

Following the initial visit, families receive a thorough assessment with a clinician, social worker or psychologist to get an in-depth understanding of the child and how best they can be supported.

Hardy emphasized that the program may not ensure the child won’t need therapy moving forward, but it does serve as a beginning step to raise parental awareness of what is going on with their children.

“We can really prevent a lot of challenges for the family and for the child ongoing and maybe prevent as many children needing mental health services … in the future,” Cloninger added.

If a family still requires services after their child ages out of the program, they will be connected to providers in the community.

The IECMH program ensures Cloninger and Hardy’s sentiment stressing the importance of positive interactions and developmental support for overlooked tots does not fall through the cracks.

“I think we just have so much more information now about human development and how sensitive of a time it is in infancy and toddlerhood,” Cloninger said.

“We just have this opportunity now to intervene so early and really change the trajectory of a child and family’s life.”

PHOTO BY NEW AFRICA/ADOBESTOCK

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BETWEEN 10-15% OF YOUNG CHILDREN EXPERIENCE MENTAL HEALTH CONDITIONS.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

ARTS FEATURE

New Year’s Eve Events

NEW YEAR’S EVE GUIDE 2023

Vibras Sunday at Broken Promises

Last chance to party

Well it happened again. We blinked our eyes and another year passed. Regardless of how your 2023 went, there is still time to finish it off with a bang. Here’s a list of some parties where you can shake off the year that was and roll into the new one, with a few family-friendly holiday vibes thrown in for good measure.

Get In the Holiday Spirit Ice Skating at Camp North End

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Slip and slide into the new year with Camp North End’s brand-new ice skating rink. Enjoy cozy warmth from their fire pit and sip on seasonal beverages from The Lounge with friends and family.

More: $10-$15; now through Jan. 7; times vary; Camp North End; Ford Factory at Camp North End, 400 Camp Road; camp.nc/iceskating/

CELEBRATING NEW YEAR’S EVE IN CHARLOTTE

Carowinds WinterFest

Solve a murder mystery and be part of an interactive comedy show paired with a lovely dinner.

If you want to take it slow on NYE, head over to Broken More: $85; Dec. 31; 6-8:30 p.m.; Hilton Garden Inn Promises for a chef-catered lunch and enjoy a Latin/ SouthPark; 4808 Sharon Road; international-themed party. tinyurl.com/MurderMysteryCLT More: Prices vary; Dec. 31; 2-8 p.m.; Broken Promises; 214 W. Tremont Ave; southendclt.org

Cooking Class @ The Perfect Beet

Create delicious food with perfect brunch recipes, sip on mimosas, and enjoy live music to start off your New Year’s Eve. More: $85; Dec. 31; 3-5 p.m.; The Perfect Beet, 3415 Westinghouse Blvd.; facebook.com/theperfectbeet

Celebrate the holidays and New Year’s Eve with beautiful lights, ice skating, live entertainment, food, beverages All-Day DJ: Open Format with and shopping.

More: Priced vary; now through Nov. 17-Jan. 1; times Radical Grove Collective Welcome the new year with joy, dancing, and great music vary; Carowinds; carowinds.com from rock, hip-hop, pop and more as you sip on craft cocktails.

Festival of Trees More: Free; Dec. 31; 4 p.m.-midnight; VINYL; 1440 South Take a breath of fresh air before your night is filled with Tryon St.; southendclt.org parties and drinks with Belmont’s display of festive trees created by the community. It’s closer than McAdenville Passenger | Special NYE Chef Showcase without all the traffic.

More: Free; Nov. 27-Jan. 1; times vary; Stowe Park; 24 S. & Beer Tasting Main St.; cityofbelmont.org For all the foodies out there, interact with local chefs, hear their stories, participate in cooking, taste seven authentic dishes, and sample unlimited beer pairings.

More: $85; Dec. 31; 5-8 p.m.; Suffolk Punch Brewing SouthPark; 4400 Sharon Road, #G23D; tinyurl.com/nyechefshowcase

PHOTO COURTESY OF CITY OF CHARLOTTE

New Year’s Eve Murder Mystery

Crawl ‘Til the Ball Falls: Charlotte NYE Bar Crawl 2024

Cheers to the new year at bars all across the city with participating establishments including The Local, Mortimer’s Pub, Prohibition, Ri Ra, Sip and more.

More: $15-$45; Dec. 31; 6 p.m.-2 a.m.; locations vary; tinyurl.com/CrawlTilTheBallFalls

New Year’s Eve Karaoke Competition

Whether you’re a starling or a seasoned vocalist, sing your heart into the new year with this karaoke competition.

More: $50-$300; Dec. 31; 7 p.m.; The MilliUp Event Center; 210 E. Trade St.; tinyurl.com/NYEKaraoke

Goldie’s New Year’s Eve Bash

Enjoy live music and good company for New Year’s Eve at Goldie’s, named Best New Nightlife Venue in our Best in the Nest issue this year. Delve into late-night bites and a champagne toast at midnight. Jam Garden and Chunky Daddy will perform.

More: $75; Dec. 31; 7 p.m.-2 a.m.; Goldie’s; 3601 South Blvd.; goldiesclt.com

PHOTO COURTESY OF CITY OF CHARLOTTE

ARTS FEATURE

Fever Dream: New Year’s Eve Celebration

Disco Desert: NYE Celebration

Rodeo your crew into square dancing and boogie your way onto the dance floor in your best disco or western attire.

Enjoy live music, DJs, immersive art, table service and more.

More: Free; Dec. 31; 7 p.m.; The Music Yard; 2433 South Blvd.; tinyurl.com/DiscoDesert

Get geared up in neon for a night of glitz and euphoria hosted by Electric Theory. Enjoy a champagne toast, photo booth, and live DJs like BAYOTE, Always Friday and Suunami.

More: $24-$40; Dec. 31; 9 p.m.-2 a.m.; Starlight on 22nd; 422 East 22nd St.; starlighton22nd.com

Knock Knock on the Door of 2024 Pajama Party

Queen Park Social New Year’s Eve Midnight Masquerade Ball

Stay cozy when celebrating the new year with a breakfast buffet, champagne toast, live music and more — all in the comfort of your own jammies.

More: $30; Dec. 31; 8 p.m.; Papa Doc’s Shore Club; 3990 Charlotte Highway, Lake Wylie, SC; tinyurl.com/KnockKnockNYE

Keep the night mysterious and alluring with a mask in one hand, and a drink in another. Celebrate the night with a balloon drop, champagne toast, food and DJs. More: $30-$150; Dec. 31; 9 p.m.-2 a.m.; Queen Park Social; 4125 Yancey Road; tinyurl.com/QPSMasquerade

CLT NYE

PHOTO COURTESY OF CITY OF CHARLOTTE

Watch amazing fireworks, live music, and the lighting of the Queen City crown as the clock strikes midnight in Back to the 80s: New Year’s Eve Party Uptown for a magical night.

More: Free; Dec. 31; 8 p.m.; Levine Avenue of the Arts & Throw it back to the age of neon and synths with drinks, appetizers, snacks, a DJ playing ’80s hits, and a photo South Tryon Street; uptowncharlotte.com booth to capture the last memories of 2023. $50-$95; Dec. 31; 8:30 p.m.; The Shaffer Inn; 150 New Year’s Eve Party at Petty Thieves More: Marshall St.; tinyurl.com/BackTo80sCLT Petty Thieves’ NYE party includes dance performances, aerialists, and burlesque alongside live jazz music and a New Year’s Eve NEON Party champagne toast.

More: $25; Dec. 31; 8 p.m.-midnight; Petty Thieves Enjoy a live DJ, an open bar, appetizers, party favors, champagne toast, access to the glow room. Book in Brewing Co.; 413 Dalton Ave., #Suite B; advance for a chance at one of the establishment’s tinyurl.com/PettyThievesNYE karaoke rooms. $75; Dec. 31; 8:30 p.m.; Seoul Food Meat Co.; 1400 5th Annual Hoppin’ New Year’s Eve Party More: South Church St.; tinyurl.com/SeoulNYE Have a hoppin’ time with the photo booth, party favors, a live DJ, pizza, appetizers from Cutting Board, half off New Year’s Eve Meditation with liquor and $1 beer.

More: $70-$85; Dec. 31; 8 p.m.-1 a.m.; Hoppin’; 1402 Sahaja Yoga Winnifred Street; hoppinclt.com Rest in reflection and open yourself up to a spiritual experience with an online meditation session with Sahaja

A Pinhouse Great Gatsby New Year’s and other practitioners and learners.

More: Free; Dec. 31; 8:45 p.m.; online; Eve Party tinyurl.com/NYEMeditationCLT

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood | New Year’s Eve 2024

Dress to the nines in your most formal attire to walk The New Year’s Eve Party and Drag Show Indie’s red carpet and indulge in giveaways, silent disco, photo booths, games, a midnight balloon drop and 2024: Fire and Ice! curated cocktails.

Dress up in your spiciest outfit or keep it icy at the Fire More: $50-$75; Dec. 31; 9 p.m.; The Independent Picture and Ice Drag Show! Food will be from The Epicurious Grill, House; 4237 Raleigh St; independentpicturehouse.org Cardboard Castle Drag Show will entertain and DJ Casinova will spin hits for an unforgettable New Year’s Eve. More: $35-$300; Dec. 31; 8 p.m.-2 a.m.; Stardust Cellars; 4780 Statesville Road; tinyurl.com/FireAndIceCLT

Drink the night away with Canopy’s NYE Party. Drink are included with your pass, along with Boots and Bling New Year’s Eve Party tickets complimentary champagne.

Kick your year off with your cowboy boots and live music More: $60-$2,400; Dec 31; 9 p.m.-2 a.m.; Canopy from Sofie Lynn and Ryan Perry, a 360-degree photo Cocktails & Garden; 118 East Kingston Ave., #10; booth, food trucks and a complimentary champagne canopycocktails.com toast in a cozy barn.

More: $35; Dec. 31; 9 p.m.-12:30 a.m.; New Year’s ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ Pleasant Grove Farm; 7132 Pleasant Grove Road; tinyurl.com/BootsAndBlingNYE Celebration Get ready to put on your diamonds and embrace your inner Aubrey Hepburn with The Artisan’s Palate’s Holly Hyde’s 2024 New Year’s Eve Party Take part in an exhilarating night filled with go-go Golightly-inspired cocktails, a breakfast-inspired spread, dancers, fire breathers, a live DJ and plenty of alcohol at and a DJ to complement the sparkles and bubbles all night long.

Hyde’s NYE party.

More: $35; Dec. 31; 9 p.m.-1 a.m.; Jekyll and Hyde More: $49; Dec. 31; 10 p.m.-2 a.m.; The Artisan’s Palate; Taphouse Grill; 10 Catawba St., Belmont; hydestaphouse. 1218-A E. 36th St.; theartisanpalate.com com

KALEIDOSCOPE New Year’s Eve Party at South End Station

New Year’s Party

Feast on a delicious dinner and embark on a night filled with celebration and dancing with a lineup of DJs, live music, and a glass of champagne in hand to celebrate Celebrate the new year on the dance floor with friends 2024. or hit up the arcade games for a night filled with booze, More: $139; Dec. 31; 10 p.m.-2 a.m.; Figo36 Italian NoDa; music, a balloon drop, and a celebratory champagne toast 416 East 36th St., #600; tinyurl.com/FigoNoDaNYE at midnight.

More: $85-$150; Dec. 31; 9 p.m.-1:30 a.m.; Slate Charlotte; 200 East Bland St.; tinyurl.com/ New Year’s Eve Trail Race Start your fitness resolutions with the US National KaleidoscopeNYE Whitewater Center’s 5K and 5-mile races through the woods. Registration is available through Dec. 28 and South End New Year’s Eve Bash at headlamps are required.

Resident Culture More: $37-$47; Dec. 31; 10:30 p.m.; White Water Center; Enjoy a night of fun with Resident Culture’s all-access bar 5000 Whitewater Center Parkway; usnwc.org packages: drink offerings from three bars, craft-batch cocktails, wine, a champagne toast, a 360 photo booth and more.

More: $100-$200; Dec. 31; 9 p.m.-2 a.m.; Resident Culture; 332 West Bland St., Suite C; residentculturebrewing.com

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Party like it’s the Roaring Twenties and enjoy free bowling, a live DJ, pizza, appetizers from Clubhouse and more.

More: $70-$85; Dec. 31; 8 p.m.-1 a.m.; Pinhouse; 2306 Central Avenue; pinhouseclt.com

New Year’s Eve Spectacular

SAM ON SOMEDAY (WILD RECLUSE) Promotional photo

THUR 12/14

fri 12/15

SAM ON SOMEDAY

‘SHOTGUN’ READING

Time Sawyer’s Sam Tayloe ends 2023 with an impressive talent-loaded edition of his local music series, Sam on Someday. An explosion of energy and articulation, South Carolinian honky-tonk torchcarrying singer/songwriter Danielle Howle tops the bill. Emily Sage draws on jazz and soul to craft her guitar-driven indie-pop. Brut Beat’s punk-jazz incorporates Afropop, bebop and hip-hop. Soulsuffused Wild Recluse (Mara Robbin), jazz bass virtuoso Kerry Brooks, keyboardist Greazy Keyz, eclectic percussionist Tim Haney, country music veteran Nick Lawrence, rockers Revelwood Mission, and Cravin’ Melon’s Doug Jones round out the bill.

More: $8-$15; Dec. 14, 7:30 p.m.; Devil’s Logic Brewing, 1426 E. 4th St.; timesawyer.com

Skylar, Bria, Yarrow and Heidi are four college students on a road trip across post-Roe America — but this is not your average Spring Break trip. These socially feminized bodies have concocted a plan to avenge the trauma of their de facto leader, the explosive and charismatic Skylar. They begin the trip as a cohesive, justice-seeking unit, but over several long days cramped in Skylar’s Subaru, the group transforms into a fractured mess of feelings and friendship as secrets come to the surface. The team at XOXO is doing this reading from Laura Scott Cary, so you just know shit will get weird in the best way.

More: $15 suggested donation; Dec. 15, 7:30 p.m.-10 p.m.; VisArt Video, 3104 Eastway Drive; visartvideo.org

12/14

sat 12/16

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TALI ROOTS, DORIAN GRIS, PETAH IAH

Incorporating vocal accents from blues, roots and Latin pop, Charlotte based Chilean singersongwriter Tali Roots has been fronting Queen City Latin reggae four-piece Jahlistic since 2013. In 2021, she launched her solo career aided by Jahlistic cofounder Joel Aloise, who produces her under the moniker Zion Within. Under any name, Tali Roots is sensual yet forceful. Her shamanic, slinky vocals deliver pure tone and power over rocksteady beats.

With coiling grainy guitar and slithering bass, Dorian Gris kicks out robust rock en espanol. Chilean songwriter/composer Petah Iah entwines catchy melodies with loping dancehall rhythms.

More: $7; Dec. 16, 8 p.m.; Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave.; petrasbar.com

‘SHOTGUN’ (LAURA SCOTT CARY) Photo by Jordan Fraker

12/15

mon 12/18

ongoing WED 12/19-12/20 12/20

DOGSTAR

JUMPMAN INVITATIONAL

Among the many stories spotlighting Keanu At the intersection of culture, entertainment and Reeves as a down-to-earth, generous guy, many hoops lies the Jumpman Invitational, a weekend evolve around the close friendships he cultivates college basketball tournament held by the Charlotte on film sets and elsewhere. It’s fitting then that Sports Foundation just before Christmas that the John Wick/Matrix/Bill & Ted star revived his features four of the original Jordan Brand-sponsored grunge-inflected alt-rock trio Dogstar because he NCAA programs, all of which blue bloods. The missed making music with friends. Critics shrugged universities of North Carolina, Florida, Michigan and during Dogstar’s late-90s heyday, but the trio’s Oklahoma bring their men’s and women’s teams 2023 comeback single “Everything Turns Around” to celebrate basketball culture like only the Jordan reveals an agile and melodic band. Crunchy and Brand can do — through competition. In addition ringing at the same time, the tune spotlights Robert to the four games played over two nights, the event Mailhouse’s soaring vocals. Unassuming celebrity will feature programs and workshops by the Jordan bassist Reeves lays down the tune’s swinging spine. Wings Initiative and highlight community health More: $89; Dec. 18, 8 p.m.; The Underground, 820 initiatives in partnership with Novant Health.

Hamilton St.; fillmorenc.com More: $68 and up; Dec. 19-20, times vary; Spectrum Center, 333 E. Trade St.; spectrumcentercharlotte.com

BUFF FAYE’S MISTLETOE HOLIDAY DRAG DINER

The Grand Ol’ Diva of the South, the Queen of the Queen City herself, Buff Faye crosses the border to Indian Land, South Carolina to transform Lore Brewing Co. into her own winter wonderland. She’ll bring her friends Lilli Frost, Tia Douglas and DJ Bear Trax for a night of holiday fun that also raises funds for local charities. Buff Faye stays busy during Christmastime, as on Dec. 17 she’ll be hosting her annual Ho Ho Ho drag show at The Fillmore, featuring an even wider range of queens and kings from the Charlotte area.

More: $35; Dec. 20, 7:30 p.m.; Lore Brewing Company, 1218 Rosemont Dr., Suite 100, Indian Land, SC; allbuff.tv

THUR 12/21 NICO PLAY, WHOA, KENZ

NICO PLAY Photo by Francis Grinnan

12/21

12/22

12/22

A PUNK ROCK CHRISTMAS

Snug Harbor presents an evening of incisive and adventurous indie-pop. Nicolás Perea’s bilingual solo project Nico Play debuted in 2021 with the English Language “Bluff,” a seductive powerhouse pop gem. In contrast, limpid, spiraling acoustic guitar and smooth vulnerable vocals unfurl the Spanishlanguage “La Ciruela,” which suggests the wistful acuity of Tropicalia singer/songwriter Caetano Veloso. A gorgeous melancholy suffuses Charlottebased WHOA’s fragile, luxurious (and lowercase) “all my friends keep saying i’m dead.” Kenz is Phoenixbased soulful singer songwriter Kenzie Katlyn. Her single “Hiatus” delivers frank and relatable lyrics amid an entwining skein of multi-tracked vocals.

More: $17.30; Dec. 21, 9 p.m.; Snug Harbor, 1228 Gordon St.; snugrock.com

In the spirit of contrarian Christmas, The Rooster launches four packs of local and regional rabblerousers at us like a bratty kid firing a slingshot.

With dueling chugging guitars, A Life Worth Taking unleashes soaring melodies and spot-on lyrics. “Remember studded belts and skinny jeans?/ Remember colored hair and teenage dreams?/ They meant everything to me/ Before Hot Topic changed its audience…” A who’s who of local rock, Evergone delivers full-throttle, heaping helpings of stirring pop-punk. Razor-sharp, riff-driven punk is Rutherford County’s the Ruff’tons’ stock in trade.

Skewer Rat kicks out the jams with shout-along manifestos.

More: $10; Dec. 22, 6 p.m.; The Rooster, 334 W. Main Ave., Gastonia; theroostergastonia.com

fri 12/22

SAT 12/23

‘LIVE FROM THE DOUBLE DOOR INN’ SCREENING

FLAMINGO REVUE PRESENTS: THE NAUGHTY LIST

Had it not been razed to make way for redevelopment in 2017, the Elizabeth neighborhood’s famed Double Door Inn would be turning 50 years old on Dec. 22.

To commemorate the occasion, Independent Picture House is hosting a screening of Live From The Double Door Inn, a short documentary that chronicles the 43-year history of the distinguished blues and rock venue. Following the screening, the team behind the doc plans to show a never-before-screened 8-minute bonus feature of the club’s owner, Nick Karres, talking about the early days. Karres will also join a panel discussion with the film’s four producers: Jay Ahuja, Rick Fitts, Kim Brattain and Chuck Bludsworth.

More: $10; Dec. 22, 8 p.m.; Independent Picture House, 4237 Raleigh St.; independentpicturehouse.org

The Flamingo Revue is wrapping up 2023 by making a list and checking it twice. As it turns out, the results were decidedly skewed. Regardless, they’re bringing presents not coal to the aptly named Stroke putt-putt bar in Plaza Midwood on Christmas Eve Eve — and these presents unwrap themselves.

Eleven of the hottest performers from the Queen City and across the South will bring the sizzle to Stroke’s Winter Wonderland, including Boom-Boom Bathory, Danger Angel, Delilah d’Isceaux, Ducky and Ebony Delight, Edie Edison, Jayne Bangs, Marley Minx, Meredith Sparkles (pictured) and more.

Franky Dynamite and Slick Friction emcee with music by DJ KaosLyon.

More: $20; Dec. 23, 8 p.m.; Stroke, 1318 Pecan Ave., Suite 101; facebook.com/flamingorevue

A PUNK ROCK CHRISTMAS (THE RUFF’TONS) Photo by Kayla von Briel

12/22

FLAMINGO REVUE PRESENTS: THE NAUGHTY LIST Photo courtesy of Flamingo Revue

12/23

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‘LIVE FROM THE DOUBLE DOOR INN’ Photo courtesy of Jay Ahuja

FRI

MUSIC FEATURE

DEXTER JORDAN’S MUSICAL MEDICINE

Soothing R&B artist celebrates self-love

BY PAT MORAN

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Dexter Jordan’s voice is magical.

Sultry, dreamy, velvety and vulnerable, the R&B songwriter’s vocals invite and entice the listener into his world. It’s a healing sound that reminds us that we’re all the same under the skin.

Even as far back as 2017, when Jordan dropped his breakout hit “Hello, New Me,” his potent voice was present. It’s only grown more powerful and therapeutic since.

Both Jordan’s singing and songwriting has come a long way since “Hello, New Me,” which he says is still his biggest hit.

If there is any justice in the music industry, he will surpass the song’s success with his 2023 tuneand-video combo “Tonight,” a creepy, comic and introverted ode to staying in for the evening.

Besides that June release, 2023 marked a breakout tour for Jordan, where he sang backup for R&B powerhouse Ari Lennox at venues around the U.S., Canada and Europe.

On Dec. 23, he brings his joy and artistry to Snug Harbor in a show billed as a Holiday Cabaret.

Reconnections

It was earlier this year that sultry R&B artist Lennox, whose single “Waste My Time” hit No. 1 on the Adult R&B Airplay chart in March, contacted Jordan on Instagram and asked him to sing backing vocals on her upcoming tour.

Jordan, who befriended Lennox in 2015 when she was living in Charlotte — unsigned and unknown outside of YouTube and SoundCloud — praises the

singer for handing him a life-changing opportunity.

“I’m at work chilling, and I just get a random DM from Ari Lennox,” Jordan recalls.

After touring America for three months, the show went overseas to Paris, London and Amsterdam. It was the first time Jordan had been abroad in his life.

“It was a blessing to sing and showcase myself,” he says.

Lennox tapped Jordan to sing Lucky Daye’s part DEXTER JORDAN in her 2022 single “Boy Bye,” and when the tour “Laying in this bed/ Thinking how you did me/ You returned to North Carolina, Jordan sang Daye’s solo got away with murder/ How you hurt my feelings/ at Dreamville Fest in Raleigh.

“I was onstage with Ari representing for North Stabbed me in the back/ And kept it moving/ Like nothing happened...”

Carolina,” Jordan says.

The accompanying images detail an agoraphobic For his recent single “Tonight,” Jordan collaborated phantasmagoria.

Jordan resolutely hides inside a with singer-songwriter Durand Bernarr, another bright suburban home while sunshine-drenched performer Jordan befriended back in 2015.

“I’m such a fan of his,” Jordan says. “I’ve been phantoms beckon him to come outside.

Bernarr was on tour and couldn’t be available following him as long as I’ve been following Ari. His harmonies and everything [else] he does [are] for the video shoot, so Jordan came up with the idea of sticking Bernarr’s photo on the refrigerator. amazing.”

Inspired by a friend’s desire to stay home and lay With a silvery flourish, keyboards part like a beaded low following a breakup, Jordan wrote “Tonight” and curtain, while Bernarr’s Polaroid sings.

“Folk don’t wanna act right/ Won’t put up with a sent it to Bernarr, who readily agreed to appear on fight/ For what/ I’d rather stay my ass at home...” the track.

Fittingly for the video’s absurdist midday nightmare, “[With] my introverted side I definitely struggle,” Jordan says. “Even though I can sing and have this Bernarr is there without actually being there.

Suddenly, Jordan wakes with a start as his TV talent, I love just being in the house and chilling.” jolts to life. Onscreen, a sinister salesman shills for In the hypnotic, hypnagogic song and accompanying video, cascading bright keys and Dr. Keeble’s “Stay Inside” vitamins. In response, both stuttering trip-hop beats fan out, forming a bed for Bernarr and Jordan repeat their mantra.

“I don’t wanna go outside/ I just wanna stay inside/ Jordan’s sultry, dulcet vocals. He lays out the tune’s Tonight...” thesis amid his most lush and layered harmonies.

PHOTO BY CHRISTOPHER SANCHO SMALLS

Gospel at the Apollo

Jordan says none of these recent successes would have been possible without his mother LaFondra, who passed away in 2016 after a battle with breast cancer.

“I feel like she’s right beside me. That’s why I continue to [write and perform.],” Jordan says. “I guess that’s why I’ve been so blessed this year with … opportunities, because it’s my mom giving that wink to God.” It’s a reference he makes repeatedly, insisting that the DM from Lennox was one of those winks.

Jordan, who turned 30 in October, was raised in Alabama. He would have been born there had there been a hospital nearby, but his parents were forced to drive to Meridian, Mississippi, splitting his birthplace and hometown.

Jordan’s father is a minister of music and his mother was a Baptist choir alto. Both parents traveled to perform in churches, with his mother singing solos in the choir. They inspired their son’s interest in music, by introducing him to gospel artists.

It was the only time Jordan met Hamilton, but it Like Quisol, Jordan is an openly gay artist. He came out to his mother in 2015. While she was was a memorable experience. “[Hamilton has] done nothing but great things understanding and supportive, he did not expect for Charlotte,” Jordan says, noting that the local the opposition he encountered from his church.

“I couldn’t understand why me being queer was music luminary is resolutely down to earth.

Jason Jet returned to the producer’s chair in 2020 such a big issue,” Jordan says.

Once he experienced the self-love and self- for Jordan’s 8-track EP Dexterity, a more political acceptance documented in “Hello, New Me,” Jordan collection for the singer, informed by COVID and decided to stop attending church, but he still world events that coincided with the pandemic.

“I addressed lot of things I was seeing,” Jordan maintains a set of spiritual beliefs.

“I figured out who I was and I was okay with it,” says. “2020 was a difficult year for everyone, especially minorities, because there was a lot of Jordan says. police brutality going on.”

Jordan remembers a pervasive sense of Turning ‘Blue’ Self-acceptance and growth also fuel Jordan’s uncertainty due to COVID, with many people 2020 debut album Blue, produced by his friend questioning how American could continue as a Jason Jet. With his own debut LP Love Boulevard, nation.

“You could feel it in the air,” Jordan says. released in 2010, Jet had created and launched the As time goes on, Jordan’s music grows more electric soul genre, a smooth and tuneful precursor experimental yet his message becomes more direct. to nu soul.

Jet brought his multilayered and production His entrancing vocals give his songs a timeless techniques to Blue, keeping the songs’ focus on quality, but the emotions Jordan unleashes have Jordan’s velvety voice while introducing new types never been more immediate.

Unlike the uneasy dreamscape conjured in of vocal harmonies to the mix. Blue yielded the kaleidoscopic single “Skyscraper (In N.Y.C)”. Here, “Tonight,” Jordan’s plan for the Dec. 23 Snug Harbor Jordan’s feathered vocals flow like air currents show — where he’ll be joined by Trent Domonic, skirling through the titular city’s tall building and Tre’ Ahmad and Eli Ahmad — is transformative and therapeutic. buffeting birds’ wings.

He wants his mellifluous music to transport “I enjoy how birds can just fly no matter where concertgoers away from their daily concerns and they’re at,” Jordan says. “I use that representation in the song as an understanding that I have wings. worries, if just for a single evening.

He offers listeners the opportunity to willingly They may not be like birds’wings that can fly at any enter a trance — to choose to be in the moment time, but I can fly in my way… [and] soar high.” and become inspired to celebrate their lives.

In May 2019, a few months after Blue had dropped, “My mom always told me that I sing to sooth, that Jordan’s friend, musician, manager and event I have a soothing spirit about me and a soothing producer Tim Scott called to see if he was available to voice,” Jordan says. “I think the power in my music open for Charlotte R&B legend Anthony Hamilton.

“I put him on mute and screamed on the phone, comes to people when I’m able to calm [them] ‘Oh my God!’” Jordan remembers. “’Anthony down. That’s really what I like to do.”

Hamilton?’ I said, ‘Of course I’m available!’”

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“Gospel music is in a lot of things, especially verse for a track called “Heaven’s Door.” Encouraged R&B,” Jordan says. “[It’s in] the harmonies and in the by his sister Jessica and brother Tavoris, Jordan choices of the riffs and runs that people sing.” jumped into the project.

Jordan recalls that he loved to sing with his After the positive experience with Yung Citizen, mother in church.

Jordan connected with producer/engineer Jon Blount By the time he turned 9, his parents had divorced, and started working on “Hello, New Me,” a song Jordan and he, his mother and sister moved to Greensboro, had started writing while his mother was still alive. where he attended grade school, including Weaver Blount brought a facility for making rap beats Academy, Greensboro’s high school for the arts. to the project. Jordan drew on his ability to find a Jordan’s musical tastes expanded to include rap, R&B harmony or a melody with Blount’s beats. and other genres. Artists like Erykah Badu remain a “That’s how we met in the middle and became potent influence for him. Another inspiration was friends,” Jordan says. the television show Showtime at the Apollo, of which He stresses that he completed the song in part to he was a huge fan. honor his mother.

He remembers seeing Michael Jackson on the “[‘Hello, New Me’] became a big hit for me, I guess show, as well as artists like Lauryn Hill. He professes because it was so pure,” Jordan says. “People could love for the Apollo Theater in Harlem where the understand — not what I’d been through, but the show is shot, but he never expected to be on the whole aspect of saying goodbye to your old ways and venue’s historic stage. old self and saying hello to something that’s new in Yet that is exactly what happened when Jordan your life. I think that’s why it still resonates today.” was 13. He entered an amateur singing contest and The song’s accompanying video reinforces won a trip to the Apollo in New York.

Jordan’s newfound state of grace with quasiThe then-ninth grader traveled to New York with religious imagery. A gold floral arrangement rings his mother, where he ascended the fabled stage his head, like a halo in medieval paintings of saints. and sang “For Your Glory,” a gospel tune popularized The sacred meets the sensual when Jordan lies by musician and songwriter Tasha Cobbs Leonard. down on the ground, juxtaposing the textures of his Jordan remembers his mother watching from the smooth dark skin and the rough and rocky gravel. wings as he performed the stirring song.

In the song’s video, whirlpooling plucked guitars “I can still see her as I was singing,” Jordan and distant dissonant synthesized horns coalesce reminisces. “Then when I won, she was jumping up around sprightly R&B beats. Jordan stares down the and down. She was so happy.” camera with an unreadable expression, but when he LaFondra was Dexter’s biggest supporter and sings his voice speaks volumes. remained concretely in his corner until her final days.

“Writing my heart with a pen/ A spirit led to lay “That’s still the reason why I sing, because she it on a beat/ Society thinks I’m crazy/ I looked in the supported me so much, and knew that I had a talent mirror and I like what I see...” before I really knew what I had,” Jordan offers. “[She “Hello, New Me” was a manifesto on how said], ‘Dex, I really think you have something, so to embrace life with all its pleasures, setbacks, don’t give up on it. Just keep going.’” triumphs and tragedies, but the tune’s celebration Jordan started performing solo in Charlotte at 21 of self-love wouldn’t stick without Jordan’s voice, years old. In 2015, he wrote and composed his first which YouTube critic Auntie Kim called “smooth as collection of music, entitled Ndoto, which means butter sliding across a hot-ass pan.” “dream” in Swahili, and debuted it on SoundCloud.

It’s more than that, though. Ranging from tenor He was just beginning to gain traction when his to countertenor, Jordan’s vocal is a gentle yet sudden mother died. Dexter was just 22. breeze that rustles the trees in late July, silencing the “It’s been 8 years since my mom has passed,” insects chattering in the branches.

Jordan says, “I think of her every time I sing or Once a verse has sighed past us, we wait with express myself [through music].” anticipation and pleasure for his voice to return.

“It took a long time to get it right/ But I finally love me...”

Rebirth and lockdown In 2015, Jordan had befriended Charlotte-based It was rapper, producer and Charlotte native Christopher Williams, aka Yung Citizen, who helped alt-pop singer/songwriter Joseph Quisol. Subsequent pull Jordan out of his depression following his to the release of “Hello, New Me,” Jordan and Quisol mother’s death. Williams reached out to Jordan to collaborated on the topical tune “We Must Go,” which perform for Williams’ Alive Sessions, and to write a appears on Quisol’s 2019 album Revelations.

2023 Best in the Nest Party Recap Photo: Adam Rodrigues

Photo: Adam Rodrigues

Photo: Joel Cox

Photo: Joel Cox

Photo: Joel Cox

Photo: Joel Cox

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Photo: Joel Cox

Photo: Joel Cox

Photo: Adam Rodrigues

Photo: Adam Rodrigues

Photo: Adam Rodrigues

Photo: Adam Rodrigues

Photo: Adam Rodrigues

Photo: Joel Cox

Photo: Joel Cox

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We couldn’t be more thankful to our readers, winners, artists, musicians, servers and everyone else who was involved in our inaugural Best in the Nest Party on Dec. 3. Nearly 400 people showed up to mark our five-year anniversary and listen to some badass music. Special thanks to performers Dane Page, Te’Jani, Tré Ahmad, Natalie Carr, and Oceanic. Also to Baran Dance and Bree Stallings for their live art. And to our sponsors: Beetlejuice presented by Blumenthal Performing Arts, The Mint Museum, Tommy’s Pub, Foundation For The Carolinas, and Plaza Midwood Merchants Association. Shout out to Sip City and Seoul Food Meat Co. for the amazing food and Kanna CBD, Hemp & Tea Company, The Long Room, Moo & Brew, The Vintage Whiskey & Cigar Bar, Charlotte Gaymers Network, and Skiptown for filling out our vendor market. We can’t forget the local artists who filled the walls in the VIP Gallery Lounge: Lorenzo Steele, Rosa Diaz, Justin Klaus, Marquia Humphries, Dawnunique Kelly, Molly English and Toni Evans. Here’s to another five years.

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

NO JOHNNY COME LATELY

Johnny Burrito builds a loyal customer base over 25 years in Uptown

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BY RYAN PITKIN

In his mid-30s in 1998, Johnny Bitter found himself working in the Uptown offices of what was then First Union Bank in Uptown Charlotte, already tiring of the corporate life after 15 years.

He and his wife Patti had always wanted to own a small business together, and as new parents to a 1-year-old, they figured their window of opportunity was closing. When the Pizza Inn that was located in the downstairs hallway of Bitter’s office building closed, Johnny and Patti decided it was their chance.

On June 1, 1998, the couple officially opened Johnny Burrito, a fast-casual California-style burrito joint with an emphasis on the fast — but without skimping on ingredients or customer service.

“It’s been out the door ever since,” Bitter told Queen City Nerve, referencing the daily line of Uptown workers (COVID notwithstanding) that can be seen outside his tiny shop below what is now Two Wells Fargo Atrium.

The past year has been one of milestones for the Bitters, who saw their first employee, someone who had been with them since that firsy day in June 1998, retire last December.

Johnny ran a secretive campaign in the lead-up to Martha Harris’ last day, soliciting donations from customers to pay off the remaining $47,000+ left on her mortgage.

The Bitters then celebrated 25 years in business.

We caught up with Johnny on a recent afternoon to see how the campaign for Martha Harris has fared and look back on how he’s been able to turn his tiny little basement storefront into a Charlotte staple with no advertising, very little social media presence and a website that hasn’t been updated since the 20th century.

How did you land on the California-style burrito while developing this concept?

In the food service business, nobody was doing this in town. Twenty-five years ago I would tell people, “We’re going to do a burrito place,” and they’d say, “Oh, Taco Bell.”

No, it’s not that. It’s more craft, which craft wasn’t a thing back then, but I said, “No, no, these are marinated meats, and we’re chopping our own vegetables and all that kind of thing.”

I went out to California and did some studying out there, different places that were really good and just how their operations were, and said, “Oh, yeah, this will be something good.” I had been downtown for about 15 years and I knew you needed speed, quality, reasonable price, but have something that’s good and people can get fast and you can move people through. That’s the biggest thing downtown that I don’t think a lot of people get: You got a limited amount of time to make your money, and so you got to make it really fast, and that’s working the line.

Those first few days, I just realized that we didn’t have the throughput, and we had to double up on some pico and guac and that kind of thing so you could get more people rolling at the end of the line.

You can have one server and one cashier, but at the end of the line was where the pinch point was.

So we redesigned that whole setup in the first few days to get the throughput, and it literally doubled in a few days. That was the key to being able to run people through this thing.

People will stand in line if you’re kind of taking a step and then 10 or 15 seconds, a step, 10 or 15 seconds, a step. If they’re standing there for five minutes, they’re going to go on somewhere else.

JOHNNY BITTER INSIDE HIS TAKEOUT SPOT, JOHNNY BURRITO.

You’ve built a reputation not only for speed but for great customer service. How did you prioritize that?

It’s a great joint; we have a good time. And that’s one of the things I think that really comes across with customers is that everybody in here, all of our staff is very helpful. If you need something extra, we’ll get it for you. We’re not nickel and diming you.

It’s one price upfront. You’re the boss for the next 10 feet and everything’s included. We’re not dinging you on queso and guacamole and you got too much of this or that or you want something extra on the side, just go ahead and do it. It makes the customer experience that much better.

I think there’s a lot of training where, if you go in certain restaurants, they have a scoop portion and that’s what you get. “We’re just putting that much in there.” Some people come in, “All I want, Johnny, is steak and cheese.”Yeah, well, we’re going to give you half-a-dozen scoops of steak and a big old handful of cheese. So a burrito is still a burrito. Whether you get two things or 20 things, it’s going to be the same size. And I think a lot of places don’t get that right, and they don’t get the customer experience.

Were there some major ups and downs that stuck with you over the last 25 years? The obvious one is COVID, but before then?

Before then, well, the 2008 financial crisis. I mean, in 25 years, we’ve been through probably two or three recessions and banking downturns and that kind of

PHOTO BY CHARLES KNIGHT

thing, but 2008 was bad. People would come, but if they were coming two days a week, they were then coming one day a week. If they were getting a burrito and a drink and chips and salsa, they were just getting the burrito. So your frequency went down and your average ticket price went down. But we were able to weather that because a lot of people said, “Well, this is the last thing I’m cutting out, Johnny.”

But a lot of people were concerned about their job and their future. And downtown and wallets tightened up significantly during that time for probably a good year or so at that point. And then I’m sure we had other downturns and things that happened over 25 years, but 2008 financial really stuck out. And then COVID, of course, was just horrific.

And what pivots did you pull off to weather that?

Oh, my gosh. Well, our customer base is generally 80% professional office [workers] and 20% construction and contractors. During COVID there was so much construction downtown and not very many office workers. We had our reduced customer base, but of that, 80% were construction and contractors and that kind of thing during COVID and 20% were the office workers.

We did curbside delivery. We had Johnny in the House, deconstructed burritos and nachos and you could take everything home and then assemble it yourself … We had neighborhoods where we would go and deliver 10 or 15 or 20 or 25 meal packs, and everybody in the neighborhood would get together

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE and I’d go to one house and offload everything. So we had just sort of word-of-mouth from folks who were already loyal customers.

Plus the PPP. I mean, obviously as for most small businesses, we had to have it. I’m not generally big on government assistance and that kind of thing, but we certainly needed it.

I was fortunate enough, my wife is a CPA. She was still working. It didn’t really affect her business that much. We were in good shape financially. She still had a paycheck coming in, so I didn’t have to get paid for nine months and I could pay my guys. I was able to keep my staff during the whole time.

Have you seen the traffic pick back up?

Oh, absolutely. We’re as busy as we’ve ever been.

So, yeah, it has all come back for us. Even with three or four days, they’re not all coming the same three or four days.

I will say Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday are the busiest days. Monday and Friday can be 20 to 30% less customer count and revenue because a lot of people take a Monday or a Friday off, work from home or remote. But Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday are very good.

I think a little bit after COVID, too, people realized that a lot of their local spots closed because they weren’t able to get the money and they didn’t have that much in savings. And now post-COVID, and hopefully it sort of continues, there’s been more of a focus on local. We’ve seen a lot of local push of people saying, “Yeah, we really want to support these kinds of places,” as opposed to a national chain, which they’re fine, too, but you lose a lot of color and character without having local places.

We’re trying to pay Martha’s house off.” They could do Venmo, they could do cash, they could put it on their card, they could write me a check, whatever. Martha was the best roller ever. Everybody loved Martha.

Everybody wanted Martha to roll their burrito. She probably missed less days than I did in 25 years. So everybody thought it was just a great idea. And we got donations from a dollar all the way up to $3,000.

You presented her with a check on her retirement day. Did you reach the total?

We’re still taking donations. We’ve got less than $5,000 to go now, so we almost reached our goal. I go see her every three weeks. She likes the pork adobo, she likes picadillo tamales, she wants a burrito. So I take her a care package every three weeks.

You’ve gathered an impressive collection of ephemera on your walls over 25 years, considering the size of the place.

Well, there was nothing on the wall 25 years ago, and it’s just a naturally occurring collection. We got a lot of articles ... and so we’d put those up, and then there’d be some other stuff, just anything ya know; you take a trip somewhere and I’d bring something back, stick it on the wall. And it’s just sort of grown from there.

workers. For our crew, they are fantastic and they all get it. I’ve got a lot of people that are here more than 20 years, so you can just let them do their thing.

Same person does the pico every day. Same person cooks every day.

So you don’t have any aspirations for another Johnny Burrito location?

Not at my age. I’m 61 now, so the plane is landing at some point.

Do you have a date in mind for that plane to land?

It’s not 10 more years, I guess, but it’s not a year either. So it’s somewhere in there. We get a little bit of interest in people asking and maybe wanting to take over. So we’ll see. There will be a time.

I’m older, but I don’t feel old. I can still do everything. I feel it at the end of the day more than I did 25 years ago. But it’s not burnout … I can’t do maybe as much as I used to or lift as much, as often, but it still doesn’t bother me.

But you don’t want to work so long that you’re not able to enjoy some retirement a little bit either, right? I probably won’t be in here in 10 years, but we’re going to be here several more years anyway.

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You seem like an eccentric collector. A big part of your website is dedicated to “ugly money” that’s been collected from your shop over the years.

[Laughs] It caught my eye. We still get a good bit of cash, but, of course, 25 years ago, we got a lot more cash, and I would see something that was written or drawn or burned or mutilated or something on a bill, and I didn’t have time during the day, so I’d just throw it off to the side and then I would buy the money out so that I could keep it.

And then after, I don’t know, six months or a year, I mean, I kind of had a stack of cash. “What am I going You made headlines about a year ago with to do with this?” So I thought, I’ll put it up on the your campaign to pay off Martha Harris’ website. And so I started cataloging the stamped, mortgage. How did that come about? mutilated, burned dollars in different categories and Martha was my first employee, and you don’t then scanning the bills in and putting them up on need 25 bouquets of flowers and a gold watch, right. the website.

So I was thinking and talking with my wife one day, and I just casually asked Martha, “How much Speaking of the website, it’s got major oldyou got on your mortgage left?” [She said,] “Well, school vibes.

Johnny, it’s about $47,200,” and I said, “Okay.” So I The website, it’s kind of become retro-cool. That went home, I told my wife, I said, ‘“We need to try is funny. It was just kind of the original; that’s what to pay Martha’s house off.” I can’t do everything for they looked like, the few websites that were out everybody, but I can help one person, right, and try there. People have tried to update it and all that, to make a difference in life with one person. but I never said yes. And now people come in and We had $10,000 that I could put from Johnny go, “Man, I love that 1990s website.” So now I’m just Burrito towards it, and then we had a little flier and leaving it. I don’t need to fool with it. we just gave it out and said, “Can you keep a secret?

With many workers returning to the office, we’ve seen a bit of a revamp to the Uptown dining scene for the lunch crowd. Monarch Market is the big new thing. Latta Arcade’s new ownership has pushed out some longtime tenants and welcomed in newer ones. Is that a concern for an older, more casual spot like Johnny Burrito?

I think as long as we have the customer base that we do and have lines like we do every day, I think it’s good. You turn out a good product and you have a good reputation — there’s always room for places like that. And you can try to chase the next new thing, but how many of those places will be here in two, three, even five years? A lot of these places will turn over.

And that’s another thing about having a shop where I’m here, I work it, I see what’s going on. I’m on the ground floor, I see what’s happening a lot of times when you grow and you lose touch with your customer base and with the restaurant and that kind of thing, and quality goes down if you’re not there.

Restaurant business is really hard. It’s a difficult business. You’re only as good as your last burrito, and you’ve got to deliver every single time.

And a lot of these places that I see come in, they’ve got people that are not as dedicated to the mission, and you’re dealing with a different set of

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WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 13

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Eyehategod w/ Cosmic Reaper, Bongfoot (The Milestone) Hillbilly Casino w/ Aqualads (Neighborhood Guttersluts w/ DIM JIM, Diatomaceous Birth FUNK/JAM BANDS Theatre) (Tommy’s Pub) Ben Gatlin Band (Comet Grill) Beauty w/ Squeamish, Josh Cotterino, JAZZ/BLUES COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Human Pippi Armstrong, DJ NA$A (Snug JDAM Collective (Camp North End) Bourbon Sons w/ Square Roots Duo Harbor) Kirk Whalum (Middle C Jazz) (Goldie’s) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Jim Lauderdale w/ Reeve Cobbs The Bleus w/ King Noli (Evening Muse) A Hundred Drums w/ Coki (Blockbox (Neighborhood Theatre) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Theater) JAZZ/BLUES Delta Fire Duo (Goldie’s) Leone and The Ascension w/ DJ Steve Kirk Whalum (Middle C Jazz) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ Howerton (Evening Muse) Cosmic Collective w/ Tennishu (Snug Shindig! An Evening Of ’50s & ’60s Music Thirsty Horses w/ Ryan Trotti (Goldie’s) Harbor) (Tommy’s Pub) An Emo & Pop Punk Dance Party POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ (Neighborhood Theatre) Digital Noir w/ DJ Spider (The Milestone) THURSDAY, DECEMBER 14 COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Hiroshi Jaguar w/ Simon Smthng, Sweat ROCK/PUNK/METAL Cooper Alan (Coyote Joe’s) Transfer, Son of HIT, LONOS, Sway (Starlight The Vegabonds w/ Harvey Street Company Ritch Henderson Band w/ Justin Clyde on 22nd) (Amos’ Southend) Williams (Evening Muse) LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE True Lilith w/ Monsoon, Benz.Birdz, Ashley McBryde (The Fillmore) Tali Roots w/ Dorian Gris, Petah Iah (Petra’s) Momophobia (The Milestone) Susto Stringband w/ Holler Choir (Visulite HOLIDAY Mike Strauss Band w/ June Star, Billy Jones Theatre) Charlotte Symphony: Holiday Pops (Knight (Petra’s) EXPERIMENTAL/MIXED-GENRE/FESTIVAL Theater) FUNK/JAM BANDS January Knife w/ T.C. Costello, Val Merza Noel & Maria: Home Again for the Holidays Natural Fiasco w/ Kyle Dills (Goldie’s) (Petra’s) (Booth Playhouse) Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey The Coconut Groove Band (Smokey Joe’s The Glenn Miller Orchestra (Ovens Joe’s Cafe & Bar) Cafe & Bar) Auditorium) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B HOLIDAY Rockin’ Christmas Party (The Rooster) Cyanca & Friends (Snug Harbor) Charlotte Symphony: Holiday Pops (Knight COVER BANDS COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Theater) Tattoo You (Rolling Stones tribute) (Visulite Blue Dogs (Neighborhood Theatre) Christmas Jam w/ String Theory & Friends Theatre) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC (The Rooster) Ben Mignogna (Comet Grill) COVER BANDS SUNDAY, DECEMBER 17 HOLIDAY ABACAB (Amos’ Southend) JAZZ/BLUES Rebecca Loebe w/ Crys Matthews, Flamy Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill) Grant (Evening Muse) SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16 FUNK/JAM BANDS Jay D. Jones’ Holiday Favorites (Middle C ROCK/PUNK/METAL The Spongetones w/ Lenny Federal Band, Jazz) Roman Candles w/ Ultralush, Kevin Terrell Shana Blake (Neighborhood Theatre) (3102 VisArt) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15 The Rockaholics (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) Stephen Sanchez (The Underground) ROCK/PUNK/METAL The Variants w/ Negulators, 77 Lies Hazy Sunday (Petra’s) The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill) (Tommy’s Pub) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Fault Union w/ Violent End, Cloutchaser, SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Jay Hoff w/ Randy Paul (Goldie’s) Elderbright (The Milestone) Gabe Lee w/ Josh Morningstar (Evening Lesthegenius w/ Reuben Vincent, Gic0e, Muse) Joshua Raw (Snug Harbor)

HOLIDAY Charlotte Symphony: Holiday Pops (Knight Theater) Karla Davis Holiday Show (Evening Muse) Adam Hawley & Julian Vaughn w/ Adrian Crtuchfield: Holiday Jam (Middle C Jazz)

MONDAY, DECEMBER 18

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Dogstar (The Underground) OPEN MIC The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) HOLIDAY Jim Brickman: A Joyful Christmas (Booth Playhouse) Tosco Music Holiday Party (Knight Theater)

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Sugar Nova w/ Future Joy, The Sweet Life (Visulite Theatre) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Mary Massie w/ Marlon Young, Randi Johnson (3102 VisArt) OPEN MIC Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin’ J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Loony w/ Headripper, Prosperity Gospel (Snug Harbor) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Russell ‘n’ Woods (Goldie’s) HOLIDAY Nathan Angelo Christmas EP Release (Evening Muse) Lovell Bradford & Tyra Scott: A Charlie Brown Christmas (Middle C Jazz) Tommy’s Pub Christmas Party w/ DJ Nostalgia (Tommy’s Pub) OPEN MIC Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21

ROCK/PUNK/METAL Nico Play w/ Woah, Kenz (Snug Harbor) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Kris Atom (Comet Grill) JAZZ/BLUES Patt Mostle & Friends (Tommy’s Pub) FUNK/JAM BANDS Pluto 4 Planet w/ Matt Stratford (Goldie’s) Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) HOLIDAY Lovell Bradford & Tyra Scott: A Charlie Brown Christmas (Middle C Jazz) Dilworth Hustlas w/ Balsa Gliders: Festivus Spectacular (Visulite Theatre) OPEN MIC Carolina Waves Showcase & Open Mic (Evening Muse)

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22

COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Dolly Roger Band (Comet Grill) FUNK/JAM BANDS The Smokin Js (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ NiiTO (Evening Muse) Sidequest feat. DJ B3DH3AD, DJ SHRIMP, DJ NPC, FZXXX and DJ RPG (The Milestone) LATIN/WORLD/REGGAE FLLS Annual Birthday/Xmas Show w/ JahMonte, Rizkey, Kirk Collins Jr. (Petra’s) HOLIDAY Soulful Noel (Booth Playhouse) Charlotte Music Scene Holiday Funktacular (Evening Muse) Trace Casanove presents Christmas at The Rooster (The Rooster) DJ Rawn Dozi Holiday Party (Starlight on 22nd) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Grant Funderburk (Primal Brewery) COVER BANDS Mr. Holland’s Oats (Hall & Oates tribute) (Visulite Theatre)

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ROCK/PUNK/METAL The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill) JAZZ/BLUES JDAM Collective (Camp North End) SUNDAY, DECEMBER 24 Moonshaker w/ Family Video, Bonzii JAZZ/BLUES (Petra’s) Omari & the Hellhounds (Comet Grill) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA Parks Brothers Band w/ Caleb Davis MONDAY, DECEMBER 25 (Goldie’s) FUNK/JAM BANDS HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Brown Mountain Lightning Bugs (Primal Alan Charmer w/ Quad, Beki (Snug Harbor) Brewery) FUNK/JAM BANDS The Holdouts w/ Planet (Visulite Theatre) TUESDAY, DECEMBER 26 HOLIDAY ROCK/PUNK/METAL Soulful Noel (Booth Playhouse) Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill) Joey Santo (Middle C Jazz) Heavy Metal Christmas Fest (The Milestone) SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC Lost Cargo: Tiki Social Party (Petra’s) Punk Rock Christmas (The Rooster) OPEN MIC Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin’ J’s SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23 (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar) ROCK/PUNK/METAL Tommy DeCarlo Jr. w/ Rod Fiske (Goldie’s) HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL Dexter Jordan w/ Eli Ahmad, Trent SOUNDWAVE LISTING. Domonic, Tre Ahmad (Snug Harbor) JAZZ/BLUES Terence Young (Middle C Jazz)

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LIFESTYLE PUZZLES

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

1. GEOGRAPHY: Which famous highway that stretches across the SUDOKU

BY LINDA THISTLE United States is sometimes known as the Will Rogers Highway?

2. MUSIC: Which country did the pop group ABBA come from?

3. TELEVISION: What article made Frosty the Snowman come to life in the popular TV special?

4. FOOD & DRINK: What is colcannon?

5. U.S. STATES: Which state is home to the Volcanoes National Park?

6. MOVIES: What is the name of the acapella group that Anna Kendrick joins on “Pitch Perfect”?

7. INVENTIONS: Who invented the Barbie doll in 1959?

8. MATH: How many tablespoons are in 1 cup?

9. LITERATURE: What is the title of the sequel to “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” by Roald Dahl?

10. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which elected president is the only one to fail to PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW gain his party’s nomination for a ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS second term?

ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.

CROSSWORD

©2023 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

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LOVE OF SOLVING

©2023 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

AERIN’ IT OUT

LORDY, LORDY, FRANKIE’S AT 40?

Frankie’s Fun Park provides a trip back in time

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BY AERIN SPRUILL

As a 30-somethin’ who gives a suspicious sideeye anytime I’m carded, it was a surprisingly easy yes when I received an invite to a friend’s 40th birthday party at Frankie’s Fun Park.

Your girl may not cave to rollercoasters, house parties, or large social gatherings in general, but when it comes to go-karts and video games, she’s in there like swimwear.

Come G-Day, aka game day, the constant threat of nonstop rain in the hours leading up to the 4 p.m. call time had me sinking deeper into the couch, confident the cancellation announcement was on its way.

By 3:30 p.m., I knew the update wasn’t coming.

Checking Apple Maps and seeing that Huntersville was a mere 20-minute drive away (compared to my preconceived 40-minute expectations) reinvigorated my excitement for adult playtime.

Upon entry, my spirits were lowered — literally and figuratively. Both my hangover and the need to drive home ensured that drinking wasn’t an option for me.

And, as predicted, the outdoor attractions weren’t bustling with activity, which told me that the calls for rain had washed away any chance of outside fun.

The weather wasn’t raining on this parade, however; all that meant was more indoor game time.

“It’s only water, I promise,” I said, nervously eyeing my 32-ounce Hydro Flask as the security guard ruffled through my bag.

He laughed, unbothered. Don’t blink kids, one

minute you’re turning 21 and trying to sneak in alcohol everywhere, the next, you’re convinced you’re going to jail over a water bottle when in reality, you’re so “old” that no one even cares what you’re doing.

It’d been years since I’d stepped inside a fun park, but on a scale of Chuck E. Cheese to Dave & Buster’s, Frankie’s is off the charts. Go-karts, minigolf, bumper cars, bowling, drop zone, laser tag, and arcade games?!

What can I say? One adult’s nightmare is another’s wet dream.

The smell of cheap pizza, beer, and rebellious teen ganja hung in the air. Kids screamed and yelled as they aimlessly ran back and forth. Parents traipsed behind, relishing every sip of beer and counting down the minutes to bedtime.

Adolescents chittered in the corners knowing mom was waiting impatiently outside in the pickup line. Oh, the nostalgia.

When I located my crew, I thought for sure they’d be secretly sharing looks of distress or plans for an exit strategy.

Instead, I found them feverishly preoccupied with trying to collect a full set of cards around a Wizard of Oz-themed game called a “coin pusher.”

Essentially, the goal is to strategically drop coins onto a moving platform with the hope of pushing existing coins, tokens, or cards off the edge of a fixed platform below.

A full set of cards secures around 2,500 points redeemable for prizes.

“Well, that’s boring,” I thought to myself before sliding my card for $1.50 and taking 12 turns at the geezer game. Next thing you know, I’d spent $60 in half an hour.

Laser-focused and sweating, I recognized immediately I had a case of slot-machine fever.

The last time I caught it was on The Big “M” Casino boat in Little River, South Carolina, and the loss that came with that fever was problematic to say the least.

Mind you, not one single child approached this game or any other like it, solidifying the generational gap.

In retrospect, however, the game really should be called “drug pusher,” because it was highly addictive.

“Maybe they shouldn’t let kids play this game, this is where pathological gambling begins,” I said with a nervous chuckle to a friend playing next to me — never averting my gaze from the target area as I continued to play.

Finally, the Toto card dropped off the edge to complete my set.

Released from the game’s chokehold, I wiped my brow, took a deep breath, and checked my phone. It had been two hours!

Fearful withdrawal would send me back to reload

my game card (for the fifth time) but there was simply no way I could visit another coin pusher and keep my self respect.

Noticing that the crew was winding down, I traded one addiction for two others: pizza and the Jurassic Park arcade shooting game.

Sitting inside the game cabinet built for two, the Tyrannosaurus rex level to my front, a mounted machine gun in front of me, and a slice sitting in the seat next to me waiting to be devoured between missions.

This kid in a candy store looked more like Pedro Pascal in that Nicolas Cage meme, grinning manically every time someone spotted me in my dino cave.

I thought back to my mom and how she judged me when I told her my plans for the weekend.

“Um, okay. You’re doing that for a 40-yearold’s birthday?” she responded in a cautiously condescending tone.

“If only she could see me now,” I chuckled to myself while I unloaded another 20 rounds of ammo into whatever dinosaur glanced my way. *cues “We Are Young” by fun.* INFO@QCNERVE.COM

LIFESTYLE

HOROSCOPE

DEC 13 - 19

PUZZLE ANSWERS

2023 KING FEATURES SYND., INC.

DEC. 20 - 26

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Although taking advice isn’t always easy for the headstrong Sheep, you might want to consider what someone you respect will have to say about an upcoming decision.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) At this time, you might want to resist that otherwise admirable Aries penchant for getting to the heart of a matter quickly. Keep in mind that a delicate situation calls for patience.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) A new offer is tempting, but don’t be bullied into a quick decision. Rely on your keen Bovine business sense to alert you to anything that might be questionable.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Your aspects favor more diplomacy and fewer direct confrontations when dealing with a relationship problem. Avoiding hurt feelings can help in your search for the truth.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Avoid rushing to make up CANCER (June 21 to July 22) A family matter could NEWSLETTER for lost time on a stalled workplace operation. It’s best to benefit from your counsel. But don’t bring yourself into GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Positive aspects are strong this week. Although you still might have to deal with some problems caused by a recent period of turmoil, you are making progress, and that’s what counts.

Get our community reporting delivered straight to your inbox every Mon., Wed. & Fri. BIT.LY/NERVENEWSLETTER

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Trivia Answers

6. The Barden Bellas.

7. Ruth Handler.

8. 16.

9. “Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator.”

10. Franklin Pierce.

set up a schedule and pace yourself. Welcome the help of it unless you’re invited, and don’t stay if you feel uneasy. your colleagues.

Just remember to reassure one and all that you’ll be there for them.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) Despite those glittering holiday distractions that you love so well, be sure to keep LEO (July 23 to August 22) As the truth about an ongoing your feline senses set on high to alert you to anything situation emerges, you could find that you were right to that might require fast action. defer judgment before you had all the facts. Now would be a good time to move on to other matters.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Making an effort to restore fraying relationships proves to be more successful VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Your plans to take than you dared hope. The holidays also bring new friends control of a personal situation because you feel the most into your life. qualified could create resentment. It’s best to hear what everyone else involved in the matter has to say about it LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Private and first. professional matters compete for your attention. Be honest in your assessment of which should get more of LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Uncovering some it — and for how long. surprising background facts about that ongoing personal matter could make you reconsider the extent of your SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A seemingly involvement. A neutral family member offers advice. endless list of must-do tasks is best handled by tackling them one by one. Don’t forget to take energy-restoring SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Religious or timeouts between each job. spiritual themes start to dominate your aspect this week.

This can serve as a counterweight to the mounting effects SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A vexing of the season’s growing commercialization. relationship seems destined to deteriorate no matter what each side tries to do. A third party’s advice just SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Taking might prove to be helpful. on that recent challenge impressed a lot of important decision-makers. Meanwhile, proceed with your holiday CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Reach out and plans, and don’t forget to include you-know-who in them. ease any tensions caused by home or workplace pressures before they threaten the relationship-building progress CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Disagreeing that you’ve made. with an opinion that you can’t accept could be dicey, and your motives might be questioned. It’s better to wait AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You often go to mount a challenge until you have support for your out of your way to show kindness to others, so don’t be position. surprised if other people want to do something nice for you this week.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Getting involved in helping others during this increasingly hectic period PISCES (February 19 to March 20) People in your life makes the generous Aquarian feel good. You could also respect your Piscean wisdom, so don’t hesitate to speak gain a more substantive benefit from your actions. up about a matter that you feel isn’t being handled quite the way it should.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) The Piscean way of thinking clearly and objectively helps you resolve a BORN THIS WEEK: Your personal warmth helps you complex situation without creating any ill will. Don’t be make friendships, and your sense of fair play helps you surprised if your counsel is requested on another matter. keep them.

1. Route 66.

2. Sweden.

3. A magic hat.

4. Mashed potatoes and cabbage.

5. Hawaii.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Your “Gemini Twin” nature rallies to help you deal with this week’s hectic schedule, both in your personal and professional lives. One caution: Watch your diet.

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

entering into negotiations. And if that’s unacceptable to your husband, well, then you’ll need get a lawyer and your own place. If you’re still crazy about the guy you’re fucking a year from now and you’ve come to enjoy spending time with his kid, you could think about moving in with him then. If you’re still crazy about him a year from now and you don’t enjoy spending time with his kid, think about moving a little closer, e.g., moving into the same building or onto the same block.

Sexual compatibility is crucially important in sexually exclusive relationships. The sex doesn’t work between you and your husband, it never has, and it’s unlikely Closing time it ever will. You could live with that for a while — you

BY DAN SAVAGE did live with it for a while — but you’re not willing to settle anymore. You’ve been doing the wrong thing for a I am a 34-year-old gay man who immigrated whom I am still having an affair wants me to live while now, SOS, but it’s not too late to do the right thing: to Canada from a Latin American country a few with him. Sometimes I want that, sometimes Honestly ask for the divorce you clearly want, SOS, instead years ago. I immigrated with my husband of I don’t. He has a young child, and I had never of manipulating your husband into giving it to you. eight years. Throughout our relationship we had thought about being any sort of parent. been monogamous, and we never questioned Should I stay in my marriage and be patient Please help. I saw an old boyfriend today and it. (Perhaps due to our Catholic religious with my husband since sex is the only thing that based on our text communications about how backgrounds?) However, the sex was never great. does not work between us? Or should I simply go much he wanted to be with me, I was expecting Not even at the beginning. But he was kind, good be with this new person? him to take me in his arms and kiss me. When STAYING OVER STRAYING looking, and caring. So, I fell for him. I was always he made no moves, when he didn’t so much as clear at the beginning that I was versatile, and he react to my flirty comments, I was devastated.

Don’t drag this out. said he was, too. But after a few weeks I assumed I didn’t realize how devastated I was until I was You’ve already opened your marriage, SOS, and you the bottom role, and I never felt like I could make alone in my car. While I’m not usually big on the any demands on him. In fact, I’ve never even asked have no intention of closing it again. You’re still fucking waterworks, I started weeping. I don’t think I was for a blowjob. (And I did not get one for seven the other man. While you don’t explicitly state that your devastated about being rejected. I’m a big girl, I years, even as I gave him plenty!) Also, we had husband is unaware the affair continues, the fact that you can handle that. But does weeping — more like sex once every two weeks or so, and only when he still describe it as an affair suggests your husband doesn’t wailing — indicate something that my heart wanted to. Always in the dark, and always in the know. You need to tell him. knows/understands that my head hasn’t caught up I get it: you don’t want to be the bad guy. You got caught same position. I know I am at fault for not asking to yet? Does this mean that I’m in love with him? having an affair and giving your marriage a chance — or for what I needed.

THE TOWN CRYER About a year ago, I got on Grindr without my pretending to — is what a good (but not perfect) person husband knowing. I met a man and his husband. does after they get caught having an affair, SOS, if that’s It does not.

Their relationship was open, and they invited me what their spouse wants. I mean, you owe your husband You reconnected with an old flame, you swapped over. After that one threesome, we decided to just that much, right? So, now you’re going through the some flirty texts, mutual interest was established. And at be friends and we even hung out as couples with motions — having those difficult conversations, pushing some point between reestablishing mutual interest and my husband, everyone pretending that nothing the right books at him, searching for a non-trad couples scheduling that first face-to-face meeting in however had happened. But I started to develop feelings counselor — but unless you sincerely want to remain in many years, you allowed yourself to do what anyone in for the person I originally connected with on this marriage, SOS, you’re wasting your husband’s time. your position would (and what your ex probably did): And based on your actions over the last year, I really You began to fantasize about what could be (or could Grindr. We continued to have mind-blowing sex, just the two of us now. Four months later, both our don’t think you wanna stay in this marriage. To recap: You be again), TTC, and you got your hopes up. What you partners discovered our affair. The other couple cheated on your husband with a married couple and then wanted — what you were in love with — was what decided to divorce, but my husband and I decided encouraged your husband to socialize with that couple he represented: possibility. When an old flame comes to work through it. But the affair continued and and then started fucking one of those guys behind his back into our lives, it can feel like a miraculous shortcut; my feelings for this other person only continued husband’s back and yours. That kind of double-barreled if you can pick up where you left off, the truly hard part betrayal isn’t something a marriage typically survives — — finding someone you like — is already done. In this to grow.

My husband is not willing to be more sexual, he your affair partner’s open marriage didn’t survive a lesser instance, TTC, the shortcut didn’t work; you’ve changed, is not willing to allow me to top him, he will not betrayal — and the fact that you’re still slamming your he’s changed. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it: You were go down on me, and he refuses let me have sex dick down on the self-destruct button, i.e., fucking this rejected and that always hurts. But it was the want of it elsewhere. I have been patient and mindful of his other guy, is evidence that what you want is out. Because that made you cry, not the him of it. You hoped you might needs and struggles, but he gets annoyed each you already got caught once, SOS, and you’re going to get find what you want with him — love and connection — time I talk about this or ask him to read a book caught again, and then your husband is almost certain to but that wasn’t in the cards. So, go ahead and have a good about open relationships. He accuses me of only leave you. cry, TTC, and then go find it with someone else.

But if you can sincerely say you could happily remain caring for myself and the things that I want. He has P.S. I once met up with an old flame — my first true agreed to talk to a therapist about the possibility married if you were free to fuck and date other men — love — hoping we might get back together. I went to of being open, but I don’t know how much longer so, not just open, but poly — you need tell your husband Marshall Field’s that day fully expecting we would wind I should wait. On the other hand, the person with that. But you’re issuing an ultimatum, SOS, you’re not up in changing room, tearing each other’s clothes off like

SAVAGE LOVE

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DEPARTURES

we used to. But whatever we had was gone. We had a nice lunch, but lunch was all it was. The feeling — or the lack of feeling — was mutual, I think, and neither of us wound up weeping on the subway on the way home. But the realization that what seemed possible an hour earlier was impossible left me feeling incredibly sad. So, I feel you, TTC, and my heart goes out to you.

I’m in love with someone I shouldn’t be. He’s married. He claims to love me. We haven’t done anything besides talk. While I’m not among the most traditional sorts of people, I have a hard time getting past the fact that he is married. I can rationalize it. We knew each other and we loved each other before he met her. He only married her because he thought I was unavailable. Their union is an unhappy one. But the fact remains that he hasn’t asked her to open the marriage.

I don’t get anywhere when I suggest he do that.

He claims he wants to divorce, or separate, but he doesn’t make any movement in that direction.

They don’t have sex anymore, he says. They don’t sleep in the same bed anymore, he says. They don’t celebrate holidays together anymore, he says. If all that is true, I don’t understand why they stay together. I don’t know if I should wait, which could be a long time, or give up. If it were just about sex, the answer would be easy. But he’s become an important part of my life, despite it just being only talk — and not sex talk, we talk about everything going on in our lives. What would you do?

THIS EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

I’d fuck the guy.

But if I shared your qualms — if the guy was married and unwilling to ask for an open relationship and I didn’t know if anything he was telling me was true — here’s what I would do: I would tell this guy to give me a call when he’s single. And as much as I might pine, I wouldn’t wait. I’d get out there and date/fuck other people — single and looking, partnered and ENM — in the hopes of putting as much emotional, social, and sexual distance between me and this married-and-unavailable guy as I possibly could. That’s not giving up, TEA, that’s moving on.

If I heard from him after his divorce and I was still single, we could resume talking and possibly start fucking. If I was with someone else when I heard from him after his divorce and I was happy with that other person, I would tell him he missed his window — again — and, given the intensity of our connection, I would tell him being friends was out of the question.

And finally, TEA, if I was with someone else when he reached out after his divorce and I was unhappy, I would do what I wanted him to do back when he was married and unhappy: Open or end the relationship I was in so I could be with him too or with him instead.

Got problems? Everyone does! Send your question to mailbox@savage.love! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love.

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