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news The top national and world news since last issue you should know BY CRAIG OGAN
Netflix and North Carolina chill A “bathroom” law in North Carolina is the reason Netflix pulled production of a series that was supposed to be filmed in the state. The streaming company ordered 10 episodes of the show, OBX, but hadn’t started shooting. The bill banned transgender people from using the restroom of their choice in government buildings. The law was altered after a national outcry but kept the ban on cities passing “bathroom equality” ordinances. The change was denounced by LGBT organizations at the time as “cynical” and “shameful.” The production company is scouting locations in another paragon of equality, South Carolina, for the show’s location shooting.
Conversion therapy officially banned in NY The New York State Legislature has prohibited licensed mental health professionals from practicing gay conversion therapy on minors. Gov. Andrew Cuomo said he would sign the bill. This makes New York the 15th state in addition to Washington, D.C., in the US to ban the controversial practice.
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Lily Tomlin doesn’t regret much of anything In 1975 Lily Tomlin had the chance to be the first big U.S. star to be publicly identified as a lesbian. She was slated to be on the cover of Time magazine, once a big deal, but didn’t take the step. She wanted the story to be about her “art,” not her sexuality, saying, “It was a hard decision to make, so I fell down on the side of … probably good sense.” She made this comment on the Ellen DeGeneres talk show. DeGeneres became the first major U.S. star to came out as “gay” on her television series, Ellen, and on the cover of Time in 1997.
Smart phones still contain dumb app So far Google, apparently busy politicizing search results, has not followed Apple, Amazon, and Microsoft in deleting an application telling users they can “recover” from same-sex attractions through prayer. Truth Wins Out, an organization that campaigns against conversion therapy, launched a petition against Google, which has avoided outrage even though it’s been available for three years. TWO said the app “compares homosexuality to an addiction. It casually trashes LGBT people as living ‘destructive lifestyles’.”
One more test in high school? State lawmakers in South Dakota refused to consider a bill that would require transgender student-athletes to compete in sports based on the sex on their birth certificates or a physical exam by the High School Activities Association. The SDHSAA already has a policy allowing students
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to play in sports based on their choice without qualifications. Proponents of the bill said it’s “all about fair competition.” S.D. ACLU and others saw discrimination in the law. SDHSAA wrote, “Where’s the fire?” as there are very few athletes in the state competing in sports not in accordance with the sex on their birth certificate and its standing policy served the public just fine.
No whining about DeWine’s order, so far New Ohio Republican governor Mike DeWine issued an executive order adding transgender people to the protected classes of a previous non-discrimination policy. Equality Ohio stated, “Ohio is still playing catch-up when it comes to welcoming LGBTQ people — and we are grateful that Gov. DeWine, like Gov. Kasich before him, recognizes the need for these common-sense protections in Ohio.” The state does not have an employment non-discrimination in the private sector. DeWine’s order only applies to state employees.
Maher’s penetrating humor In his first show of 2019, Bill Maher used a tired trope that suggests gay sex as a reason someone does something stupid. In his monologue he said he believes the current U.S. president is a “Russian agent.” He recounted that the president met the Russian president five times and then leered to the audience, “That’s a lot of times in just a couple of years, always with nobody around. Nobody can know what they’re doing. Forget collusion, I want to know if there’s penetration.”
61-year-old landmark case gave us ‘QSaltLake’ How times change. A magazine titled ONE: The Homosexual Magazine, sponsored by gay-advocacy group, The Mattachine Society in 1953, consciously avoided controversial editorial and advertising: no matchmaking ads; no racy photos; no descriptions of physical intimacy —even cuddling. There was an ad for sheer pajamas and a short story that involved some touching, which led the US Postal Service to seize the issue as obscene. A 1958 U.S. Supreme Court ruling settled the case with a just one sentence decision: “The petition for writ of certiorari is granted and the judgment of the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit is reversed.” In what some call progress, those few sterile words paved the way for physique pictorial magazines in the 1960s and for QSaltLake Magazine to run ads for underwear night at local bars featuring pics of muscle men in jockstraps.
Missouri judge steps backward A Missouri lesbian couple’s federal lawsuit against a re-
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tirement community has been dismissed by a U.S. district judge. They sued because the facility’s management somehow thinks the Bible defines marriage as a “union between a man and a woman.” The federal judge ruled that the Fair Housing Act does not protect against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, ignoring the argument by the plaintiffs that the case was discrimination about the sex of one of the partners, not orientation.
Vice President which details a bunny shadowing the vice president. The parody features a gay rabbit falling in love and following the rabbit for a day as it tries to hop on its intended love. The V.P. has said it’s “deeply offensive” to object to his wife’s job at a school that bans LGBT faculty, kids, and parents and any discussion of LGBT topics or approval of or participation in sex outside of hetero marriage.
“If Mary was married to a man married to Bev, instead of a woman married to Bev, Friendship Village would not have turned them away,” plead their attorney. The decision did note that it contradicted rulings by other federal courts.
Jazz hands at Super Bowl LIII
Pence parody The wife of the current U.S. V.P. is a volunteer art teacher at a private school requiring teachers to contractually eschew personal involvement in or advocacy of marriage equality. Students and their parents have a similar requirement which spells out other prohibited behaviors (sex outside of marriage, mostly). So, the Trevor Project sent 100 copies of a gay-themed book created as a parody of the VP spouse’s book Marlon Bundo’s Day in the Life of the
Super Bowl LIII will be historic, at least on the “sidelines.” Quinton Peron and Napoleon Jinnies will be the first men to perform with an NFL cheerleading team during a Super Bowl. The LA Rams hired them last year, but they weren’t the first males to be on a spirit squad in the NFL. The Baltimore Ravens and Indianapolis Colts have men who help female cheerleaders with stunts, but Peron and Jinnies are the only men who dance with the women, performing all the same moves. Both men are classically trained dancers and were hits at Venice California Pride, which the Rams sponsored. The men, really, say cheering at the Super Bowl in Atlanta’s Mercedes Benz Stadium “feels like a fairy tale.”
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Feed me Seymour
Hey Utah, it could be worse An Indiana state legislator introduced a bill that failed last year to “freeze” birth certificates and prevent transgender people from amending it. That bill was ignored by the legislature. This year he introduced a bill to prevent transgender students from competing in athletic events and using bathrooms not consistent with their birth certificate. The student athlete/ bathroom bill hasn’t attracted any co-sponsors. So how is that worse than an attorney from Grantsville, Utah sponsoring a freeze bill? The Indiana legislator is not a clown, but did earn a living as an Elvis impersonator.
Them crazy Brits A British porn actor going by the name HungYoungBrit, plead guilty of “outraging public decency” after having a threesome on a London Underground train and posting a video of it on his website. According to police, “It showed full sex, oral sex, and masturbation in the presence of the traveling members of the public.” Apparently the “traveling members” didn’t sign releases to be present or videoed. The police complaint was made by a self-proclaimed gay man who thought the video production in public was “offensive and morally unacceptable.”
#metoo charges, but not Kevin Spacey Blockbuster director Bryan Singer (X-Men) took another blow in his teenage-male-sex scandal in an Atlantic magazine article detailing additional accusations. More men, now in their 20s and 30s, accused Singer of assaults when the men were in their teens. He began directorial duties on
Oscar-nominated Bohemian Rhapsody but was fired when #metoo allegations surfaced. GLAAD pulled honors for the film. Rami Malek, nominated for best actor portraying Freddie Mercury in the movie says he wasn’t aware of the charges against Singer, in fact, luckily, never even heard the well-publicized rumors, when he agreed to star. Singer is still slated to direct Red Sonja for Millennium Films.
If he can make it there South Bend, Indiana and Salt Lake City have a gay or lesbian mayor, and may soon have nothing over New York City. Corey Johnson, speaker of the New York City Council, has announced that he is considering a run for mayor. Johnson would be the city’s first “out” gay mayor. Reputedly gay Ed Koch never announced anything and he died in 2013. As befits NYC, Johnson takes a liberal position on issues and pledges he will only allow campaign contributions up to $250 per person. Current mayor Bill de Blasio can’t run for re-election because of term limits.
A Toronto landscaper, arrested for the first-degree murders of eight Toronto men, has plead guilty to all charges. The perp scattered his victims’ remains in the lawns and planters of his customers. Considered a textbook case — the crimes fit most TV police procedurals: the killings were sexual in nature, involved staging, evidence of confinement, and the killer kept souvenirs of the murders — has generated some controversy. Gay community activists claim the police didn’t take the killings of seven victims of color seriously, but did thoroughly investigate the eighth victim, who was white. Answering charges of “selective policing and racial bias,” police responded the slow movement was partially due to a lack of information from the gay community. This statement brought counter-charges of “victim blaming.”
TERF Battle Two representatives of what’s heretofore been a British phenomenon, trans-exclusionary radical feminist (TERF), invaded a Washington D.C. hearing featuring testimony from a Human Rights Campaign official. The hearing was about a D.C. ordinance to allow transgender people to use locker rooms and bathrooms of their choice and to be interned in jail cells corresponding with their announced sex. The two-minute demonstration was posted on the TERF Facebook page showing the HRC person did not respond to taunts like: “Why are you championing the rights of men to access women in women’s prisons? and rape and sexually assault them as recently happened in the United Kingdom?” and “Why don’t you care about
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lesbian girls at 14 having double mastectomies?” The group consistently rejects transgender women in feminist spaces and organizations.
Hart Breaks, again Comedian and actor Kevin Hart should stop trying. He tweeted encouragement to Jussie Smollett after the Empire actor was hospitalized after what he says was a hate crime. He said the attack occurred at 2 a.m., in minus 40 degree weather near a fast food restaurant in Chicago. He said two masked men shouted “racial and homophobic slurs,” punched him in the face, poured an unknown chemical on him, wrapped a rope around his neck, and shouted, “This is MAGA country.” Hart’s Twitter sympathy, “Stand strong brother” was attacked by the Twitter woke-mob. They referenced Hart’s revealed comments from 2011 and before which have been denounced as “homophobic” as disqualifying him from offering sympathy now. Hart responded to his critics by pointing to himself as “an example” of the type of “change” LGBTQ advocates advocate. Q
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Inaugural transgender march drawing in more participants than expected Initially scheduled for Monday, April 1, 2019, the organizers of the first National Transgender Visibility March have moved it to a day earlier to accommodate a larger-than-expected crowd, the group told the Washington Blade. And the final details will be determined on February 5, according to veteran transgender activist Marissa Miller. Miller said however that organizers will provide bus transportation to bring participants in from anywhere within an eight-hour drive of Washington, D.C. The march will start at the White House and finish at the U.S. Capitol, with an exact route yet to be set. The demonstration is part of an effort to increase national visibility for trans Americans at a time when rights are constantly under threat by an administration that banned military service for trans soldiers and reportedly wants to deny trans people exist. There are also plans for a Torch Awards ceremony and a Trans Visibility Ball to be held concurrently with the march. The award ceremony will honor veteran and new
leading voices in the fight for trans equality. Masen Davis, a trans man who’s chief executive officer at Freedom for All Americans, will be honored, reports the Bay Area Reporter. He has spent the last two decades leading efforts to advance equality for LGBT people at the state, national, and global levels. Also being recognized for his education and policy consulting on transgender issues is Jamison Green, a trans man who worked on the passage of San Francisco’s Transgender Protection Ordinance. We will ignite and initiate change at every turn and hope that each of you will stand with and join us in this effort when we take our movement to the streets of Washington, D.C. and other metropolitan areas on March 31, 2019. and April 1, 2019. This date will mark the beginning of our very first steps together but will definitely not be our last! We will meet every year on Transgender Visibility day and will make our voices heard locally, nationally and globally in solidarity, as one,” reads the mission statement on transmarchondc.org. Q
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us both and I don’t regret it. But things started to change a few years ago. Our personality differences became very pronounced. The relationship dynamic became strained and difficult. Things gradually turned painful. “Toward the end of this decline, I also realized that being in an intimate relationship with a man was no longer something I wanted to avoid. It had become a non-negotiable need.”
CALLED TO TASK
Prominent Utah Mormon ‘ex-gay’ therapist affirms he is gay BY MICHAEL AARON
A Mormon Utah man known to the world for his work in the “ex-gay” movement, also known as conversion therapy or reparative therapy, has announced to the world that he is ending his marriage to a woman and seeking a relationship with a man. David Matheson announced on Facebook that he is gay after Truth Wins Out founder Wayne Besen posted it on their site, which focuses on ‘ex-gay’ therapy. “A year ago I realized I had to make substantial changes in my life. I realized I couldn’t stay in my marriage any longer. And I realized that it was time for me to affirm myself as gay,” Matheson wrote. He has deep roots in the reparative therapy movement, including being the author of Becoming a Whole Man: Principles & Archetypes, founder of the Center for Gender Wellness, co-creator of People
Can Change and the Journey Into Manhood, and executive director of Evergreen International (now North Star.) He has been a go-to therapist for gay men who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He did, however, stop practicing therapy for the past few years. He now says he renounces efforts to change one’s sexual orientation.
MARRIAGE TO A WOMAN “I enjoyed a happy and fulfilling marriage with my wife for many years,” Matheson wrote. “Overall, it was a beautiful relationship and being ‘straight’ became a core part of my identity. But I also experienced attractions to men. Much of the time these were in the background. But sometimes they were very intense and led to pain and struggle in my marriage. “Still, the marriage truly did work for
While many people supported his announcement, many other people called him to task. “Of course each individual should be free to make their own choices. And I am happy for you and your growth and realizations. And I appreciate your apologies,” wrote Kendall Wilcox of OUT in ZION podcast and former project lead at Utah Commission on LGBTQ Suicide Prevention. “But will you take proactive steps to heal the ‘harm your own homophobia and narrow mindedness have surely caused some people?’ Will you work with a fervor equal to your previous zeal to heal ‘the confusion and pain’ your choices may have caused others?” Matheson posted on his Facebook wall a very critical video of someone who not only went through his counseling, but participated as an organizer. Roger Webb spoke about the pain he has carried for decades since his involvement with Matheson’s programs, especially since someone he helped mentor committed suicide toward the end of one of the retreats he was involved in. He said, after watching Boy Erased, he wanted to make it his life’s goal to establish a foundation in James Edward’s name that will “help and support people who are lost and alone because they love someone of the same sex.” “That foundation will do a lot of work to stop those horrible people who teach others that they’re not enough because they love someone.” “I can tell [Matheson] that myself and a whole bunch of other men love and respect you as our brother, and are grateful that you finally found your peace, but that’s empty without some words of you
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to say I’m sorry to those people that I hurt.” “It took about 10 years to heal the wounds that you made in my soul with the work that you did,” Webb continued. “There wasn’t a day that went by during that time that I didn’t go to bed hating myself. Feeling broken. Feeling that I was the biggest disappointment to the universe, to God, to my family, to everybody because of what you guys taught me.” Matheson, in response to the video, said that Webb gave him “credit/responsibility for things that I actually wasn’t involved in or decisions that weren’t mine,” but he goes on to say, “I was involved in that world and must take responsibility for my part. There are still systems in our culture that cause harm. There are people like Roger who have experienced pain, and we need to work together to correct this.”
CENTER FOR GENDER WHOLENESS Matheson created the Center for Gender Wholeness to complement his book, Becoming a Whole Man. He allowed the state registration to expire in November of 2016 and its website stopped being updated about that time. But the site remained largely active with some harmful information being presented even just a few months ago. “You didn’t choose it. But you can choose what you do with it,” was the main promise of the site. “It is possible to stop unwanted behavior, shift sexual desires, and resolve other issues related to unwanted same-sex attraction. Ours is a compassionate approach for men who won’t accept a homosexual life due to conflicting values or life goals. Whether you are simply curious about change, desperate for help, or almost out of hope, we invite you to explore what we have to offer. It’s your life.” The site, throughout, used the term preferred by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, “Same-sex Attraction,” or SSA. Even in Matheson’s recent comments, he still uses the term. On the site, Matheson pointed to eight “causes” of male homosexuality (the organization said it didn’t “have expertise
in working with female homosexuality”): Unhealthy childhood relationships with females; distorted concepts of gender; feeling incongruent with one’s gender; problems in relationships with other males; sexual conditioning, including sexual abuse and early exposure to male pornography; biological and physical issues such as being over- or under-weight, having high or low intelligence or being concerned about penis size; and emotional and psychological problems, such as perfectionism and OCD. The site said that the media and gay rights organizations were to blame for the discouragement of reparative therapy. “As a whole, gay advocacy groups are well funded,” the site read. “By the end of
“About a year ago I realized I couldn’t stay in my marriage I also knew I needed to be in a relationship with a man.”
2012, LGBTQ causes will have spent well over one billion dollars.” “Throughout this website, we speak of change as a process of growth toward wholeness,” the site read. “It means reclaiming and integrating all of the strengths and capacities that became lost to us through the soul-splintering effects of abuse and trauma.” “The change process will be life-long. None of us will ever become entirely whole in this life no matter how long we live. But we believe it is a worthy goal to spend our lives in that pursuit.”
PEOPLE CAN CHANGE — JOURNEY INTO MANHOOD, A HEALING WEEKEND. Matheson was the co-creator of Journey into Manhood, now called Brothers Road, “a 48-hour immersion in intensive emo-
tional-healing work, designed specifically for men who are self-motivated and serious about resolving unwanted homosexual attractions,” according to its website. “All of the exercises are designed to help you identify and process the underlying issues that may be alienating you from your authentic heterosexual masculinity.” The brochure read that the group was made up of, “Men who have resolved unwanted same-sex attractions supporting others seeking similar change.” It promised that, of those who attended, “about 75 percent report a decrease in homosexual feelings and behaviors.” It also said the large majority felt “more masculine, more confident and powerful.” It went on to say that those men who aren’t successful in changing their sexual orientation simply aren’t sincere. “Many men seeking to overcome same– sex attraction become frustrated and discouraged when they find that their feelings and attractions don’t change as quickly or substantially as they had hoped. We believe these men are getting stuck because they aren’t following the laws, or principles, that allow growth out of same-sex attraction to happen. These men may be very sincere and even committed to the idea of change, but if they don’t follow the right principles, change won’t happen.” Matheson said there were four principles of “growth”: masculinity, authenticity, need fulfillment, and surrender. He used the acronym MANS to “make them easy to remember.” The event is still running as “Brothers Road,” with another event happening in Utah in May. Matheson’s name was scrubbed from the site last December.
EVOLVING BELIEFS In 2013, Matheson joined a group of seemingly disparate mental health professionals whose goal was to find a set of “clear rules and guidelines to govern the ethics of any treatment protocol.” The Reconciliation and Growth Project is a Utah group made up of LGBT-affirming psychotherapists and those
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distress with their sexual attractions and/ or gender identity and fosters their ability to thrive.” The group also agreed on self-determination and to do no harm. “We call upon society to move beyond adversarial strategies and focus on fostering respectful dialogue and a shared commitment to facilitate individual self-determination and to do no harm,” their statement reads. “The ethical principle of self-determination requires that each individual be seen as a whole person and be supported in their right to explore, define, articulate, and live out their own who worked to resolve issues between homosexuality and their religion. It was started by the LGBTQ-Affirmative Psychotherapist Guild of Utah which sponsored a workshop on respecting religious and sexual/gender identity differences seeking to create a safe space for dialogue about the distress some clients had trying to resolve issues of sexuality and non-traditional gender. “Current governance of therapies addressing sexual orientation and non-traditional gender is vague and polarized. Therefore, we seek to define a set of standards and practices that are ethical and fair in order to provide guidance for individual mental health providers, provide a framework of ethical practices to guide professional and licensing boards in regulating the work of mental health providers, and de-escalate the polarized battles around legislation and litigation regarding these matters,” the group’s guide reads. One of the first guidelines to come out of the group was around the terms used in the field that promise “change” in sexual orientation. “The continued use of terminologies such as ‘reparative,’ ‘conversion,’ ‘sexual orientation change efforts,’ and ‘affirmative’ therapies fuels adversarial tensions among people with different perspectives about sexual orientation and gender identity. This obscures the substantial common ground between diverse perspectives. We advocate leaving such language behind in favor of language that focuses on resolving the individual’s
I am an advocate of the proposed legislation to make it illegal to do that kind of therapy to minors.
identity.” Though Matheson signed on to the statement, he did not work to change the title of his book, Becoming a Whole Man, which some say alludes to gay and bisexual men being “not whole.” Matheson became immersed with the group and began moderating panels on interpersonal violence.
TODAY In an interview with Jeremy Harris of KUTV News, Matheson explained how he got to this point today, and answers some of the criticism levied against him. “About a year ago I realized I couldn’t stay in my marriage,” Matheson told Harris. “I also knew I needed to be in a relationship with a man.” “I have been bisexual since my teen years. But since I was bisexual, I could make a relationship with a woman work, and work very, very well. It was a beautiful, authentic relationship for so long. Not always easy, but what relationship is
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easy all the time. It was difficult at some times, and some of it was because of my same-sex attraction. I just realized that it is time in my life now that I’m not going to be married to a woman, I cannot be alone. That just could not work for me. What I hope for is a solid, monogamous relationship with a man.” He said that a few years ago, he could not see himself saying such a thing. He acknowledged his involvement with at least one group of men that sought to minimize their sexual attraction to other men and worried that some of them may feel betrayed by his announcement. “I am sad for those who feel betrayed, and I guess what I want to say is that the person who I was, the man of faith I was, is still the man of faith I am today. But there is a piece of my life I have to adjust because the discord inside me is just too great. That doesn’t mean that all those things I said over the years were not true, particularly things about my faith.” Harris asked if he will remain a member of the LDS Church. “I will stay with the LDS Church. I don’t know if I can remain a member of the LDS Church, which is tremendously sad to me. But even if I am not a member, I know what I feel and what God has manifest in me, and I can’t turn against that. “I’ll stay with the church even if the church doesn’t stay with me.” Matheson explained that conversion therapy is therapy that defines being gay as a disorder and it is wrong, and sometimes sinful and that is also based on the idea that it can and should be changed. “When I started as a therapist 20 years ago, I believed that, because that was the world I grew up in as being a Mormon in Utah. “I long ago repudiated that whole concept. The idea that it is a disorder, that it is wrong and bad, the idea that it can change, because for some people there are some changes that happen, but for most people, no. And the idea that it must change is absolutely reprehensible to me. “Most of the therapy I have done [recently] is just standard therapy, but it is done under the rubric of ‘reparative
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therapy,’ which is what gave it such a bad reputation.” He said that he is now very opposed to reparative therapy. “I am an advocate of the proposed legislation to make it illegal to do that kind of therapy to minors,” emphasizing the “to minors” part of the statement. “But I do think there needs to be a therapeutic approach that helps a person with a religious background who is LGBTQ to somehow come to a reconciliation within themselves about the conflict that that ideology or religion places in them. Because that is a very painful, difficult thing for them.” Of the Brother’s Road program, he said he is firmly against what they are doing today. “Over the years I’ve become disengaged with them. I have some pretty substantial disagreements with them. I, at one point, encouraged them to involve some gay-affirming therapists to help make their weekend safer,” he said. “They have not taken me up on that. I definitely have some concerns about the program.” “I have been a part of a system, and as I look back on that I see my part in it and what I perpetuated — the homophobia and the shame that my words perpetuated. And for some people it was tremendously healing and for others not,” he told KUTV. But he also said he has changed in recent years. “I’ve been involved for at least six years with people who are trying to eliminate as much harm from [reparative therapy] as possible, trying to make it safe for people of faith who are LGBTQ to receive help.”
Harris asked if he apologized for some of the work he’s done, to which he said, “Absolutely. I can think of things that I said, I can think of people I said things to, and I can think of specific cases where I can look back and say I really regret having written that, said that, perpetuated that idea. “I mean, I grew up in the 70s in Utah and the way church leaders sometimes spoke about gay people was unthinkable. I mean, it was inhumane; it was bullying. And I swallowed that stuff, and so that’s the kind of stuff that came out earlier in my career, and for that I’m very sad. I’m really remorseful about that.” He said that, out of all of this, his coming out, he hopes that conservative religions “can think about how we look at LGBTQ people and do we give them a place? Do we communicate to them that God has a place in this world for them? Or do we want to continue to say that traditional families is what it’s all about, marriage between a man and a woman is what it’s all about, and if you don’t fit that, we don’t even see you. That is a gospel for the 99 and not a gospel for the one.” “I recognize that I’ve had a part in perpetuating homophobia in others and in myself,” Matheson wrote in a statement. “And while reconciliation will take years, I accept that I have a role in that process. As a next step toward that, I have taken my book, Becoming A Whole Man, off the virtual bookshelves until I can review and remove content I no longer agree with.” Q
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Gov. Herbert talks LGBTQ inclusion in Utah hate crime law, transgender birth certificate changes At Utah Gov. Gary Herbert’s monthly press conference Thursday, several reporters kicked off their questioning with LGBTQ inclusion in hate crime legislation and the ability of transgender people to change their birth certificates to reflect their true gender. Lindsay Whitehurst of the Associate Press kicked off questioning by asking about the hate crime legislation being sponsored again by Sen. Daniel Thatcher, R-West Valley City, noting that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released a statement saying it doesn’t oppose hate crime legislation. While the governor stated he hasn’t yet read this year’s bill that attempts to pass a workable hate crime law, he did say, “I think most of us would agree that we need to have enhanced penalties [for hate crimes]. There is a benefit there for stopping crime and bad acting by people out there, enhanced penalties for anything that would fall under a definition of a hate crime.” “I think it’s very worthy of discussion and debate,” the governor continued. “The fact that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints evidently has weighed in on this and said they are not opposed to it can’t hurt the possibilities. I don’t know that changes everybody’s mind, but I think that is a discussion we ought to have and I welcome the debate.” Asked by Fox 13 News’ Ben Winslow whether the governor thinks LGBTQ people should be included in the bill, Herbert said, “Yeah, I think the message we want to put out there is that members of the gay community, LGBTQ, are loved and welcomed and appreciated for who they are. They ought to feel safe. They ought to feel loved. So, anything we can do to enhance that, we ought to do.” Bob Bernick of Utah Policy asked
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about a bill by Rep. Merrill Nelson, R-Grantsville, that would restrict transgender people from changing ther gender on their birth certificate, saying such a bill goes against what the governor “just said.” Herbert said again that he hadn’t read the bill and didn’t know the motivation behind it. “I certainly, again, agree that if people want to be identified as whatever it is they want to be identified, if that’s a gender issue, if it’s a sexual orientation, they ought to be able to do that,” the governor
work on this issue if it starts and comes up. Nobody has talked to me about it yet, except for you guys today. But, we will work proactively to get good policy in place on all legislation.” Glen Mills of ABC4 News brought up a bill by Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, that would allow for transgender people to change their birth certificates, and asked why the governor thinks it failed in the past. Herbert said it was a simple lack of votes. “Maybe that’s the lack of awareness, lack of understanding. Who knows why people vote the way they do or why they don’t?” Herbert said. “Many times legislation comes up two, three, four times in a row until it finally, in fact, germinates and has the support, and probably the
stated. “If they want to have the ability to put that on a public record, there ought to be a process to have that happen. I think most people would welcome that and that there’s no reason why we should stop it.” Winslow then asked if the governor would, then, veto a bill that would prohibit changing their gender marker on their birth certificate or driver license. “Without seeing the bill, I don’t like to use the ‘V’ word often,” the governor answered. “I try to work and shape things as they go through the process so we work together in a collaborative fashion. So I’d expect that that’s how we would
clarity, necessary to get the votes and pass. That’s the legislative process. It’s not usually one and done, it usually is a thought, an idea, maybe germinates into some legislation, maybe doesn’t get out of committee, then we come back the next year and we have broader support and maybe it passes, basically based on what the public wants to have happen, which is what you’d expect out of a representative form of government.” The 2019 Utah Legislative Session begins Monday. The press conference is is aired live by KUED Television and streamed on radio stations across the state. Q
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Civil rights activist Archie Archuleta dies at 88 BY MICHAEL AARON
Archie Archuleta was one of those who understood and supported the LGBT movement, even back in the ’90s when Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats was first organized and faced large pushback from the powers that were.
We last saw him at the opening of Harvey Milk Boulevard, where he said: “The naming of Harvey Milk Blvd. is another thread in the fabric for the struggle for social justice and equality in Salt Lake City, Utah and the U.S.A. — nay, in the world. The thread joins and strength-
ens the other threads that were begun by many different groups and movements, starting with the abolitionists. Going on, with the suffragette movement, and going on to the battle for liberation by blacks, Chicanos, Native Americans, and Asians. And, of course, this big one, LGBTQ. “You have suffered the indignities and the sting of racism, ethnocentrism, as well as the ugly one — homophobia. We fought it together and we will continue to fight it.” Salt Lake Mayor Jackie Biskupski presented Archuleta with the “Key to the City” last Fall for his work on behalf of homeless, Latinos and other communities of color, LGBTQ individuals and women. Archuleta died Jan. 25 at the age of 88. Q
Every day is for love! Visit early. Come often. L U N C H • D I N N E R • C O C K TA I L S
C O NTE M P O R A RY JA PA N E S E D I N I N G 1 8 M A R K E T S T R E E T • 8 0 1. 5 1 9 . 9 5 9 5
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Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
First lesbian United Methodist Church bishop speaks in Salt Lake
Jenny Wilson elected Salt Lake County Mayor Delegates of the Salt Lake County Democratic Party met Saturday morning to elect a county mayor among four candidates to replace nowRep. Ben McAdams. Jenny Wilson received the most votes and was elected Salt Lake County Mayor. Wilson has a long history of working towards LGBT rights. In 2009, QSaltLake Magazine named her, along with then-Salt Lake City Council members Deeda Seed and Jill Remington Love, People of the Decade. Wilson worked tirelessly while on the Salt Lake County Council 20 years ago to provide benefits for partners of gay and transgender county employees. The County Council, freshly under Democratic majority, voted 6–3 for such benefits in February, 2009. She also was instrumental in securing protections for LGBT people in hiring and housing in the County, among the first few municipalities in the state to do so. Most recently, Wilson ran for the United States Senate against Mitt Romney.
Wilson faced former congressional candidate Shireen Ghorbani, County Council member Arlyn Bradshaw, and perennial candidate Stone Fonua for the seat. Q
Karen P. Oliveto was elevated two years ago to bishop of the denomination’s Mountain Sky Area, which includes 400 congregations in Utah, Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado and became the first open lesbian to hold the title. On Jan. 13, Oliveto spoke for the first time in the state at the historic First United Methodist Church in downtown Salt Lake City. Next month, church delegates will meet in St. Louis in a special session to determine if
UofU LGBT Resource Center names new director BY TONY HOBDAY
Clare Lemke, the assistant director of the Center for LGBTQIA+ Student Success at Iowa State University, has been named the new director of the University of Utah LGBT Resource Center. Lemke is a Milwaukee, Wisconsin, native, who received a bachelor’s degree in English and women’s studies at the University of Iowa before joining the Center for
LGBTQIA+ Student Success in 2015. During her time there her main focuses were on transgender inclusion and gender equity. “Clare is extremely talented,” Brad Freihoefer, director of the Center for LGBTQIA+ Student Success, told the Iowa State Daily. “I think she has brought our team to a new level when it comes to not only executing programs with excellence from beginning to
a split will take place over the ordination of LGBT clergy.
Oliveto preached that people of all walks are part of the church. “All, by God’s abundant grace, are a part of Christ’s body. Q end but doing so by working on a deep level with students.” Lemke will take over as director of the UofU LGBT Resource Center early next month, replacing Kai Medina-Martinez (and the interim director Gabriella “Bri” Blanchard). Medina-Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker, became the LGBT Resource Center’s director in June of 2007. During their tenure they received the Pete Suazo Community Service Award in 2010; secured the Alliance House as the first gender-neutral student housing on campus; launched the first LGBT Alumni Association, a network of UofU graduates and those who attended the university to help guide new students. Their staff were pivotal in getting the UofU ranked as the second most LGBT-inclusive school in 2018. With big shoes to fill, Lemke’s determination for further transgender inclusion and gender equity may just be a great fit. Q
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Utah bill seeks to narrowly define gender, forbid birth certificate changes BY MICHAEL AARON
Rep. Merrill Nelson, R-Grantsville, introduced a bill to the Utah State Legislature that would narrowly define the term “sex” in Utah law and disallow the changing of a birth certificate except under very limited circumstances. House Bill 153 would define gender to mean: “‘Sex’ means male or female, the innate and immutable characteristics established at conception and that can be confirmed before or at birth. “ Further, the bill says, “‘Female’ means an individual with ovaries who is confirmed before or at birth to have external anatomical characteristics that appear to have the purpose of performing the natural reproductive function of providing eggs and receiving sperm from a male donor.” And, “Male” means an individual with testes who is confirmed before or at birth to have external anatomical characteristics that appear to have the purpose of performing the natural reproductive function of providing and delivering sperm to a female recipient.” At birth, doctors would be required to determine, using the criteria in the bill, “the sex of the child as male or female or, if the sex cannot be factually determined at birth, undetermined,” on the birth certificate. Such certificate could then only change the individual’s name or, “any other information to correct a mistake of fact that occurred at the time the birth certificate was completed or issued, as determined by the court.” The bill strikes any mention of “sex change” in existing law. Such a law would very likely make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a transgender person to seek a new birth certificate reflecting a transition after birth. “H.B. 153 is based on the scientific and medical fact that an individual’s sex is determined at conception by chromosomal make-up and is not subject to change or self-determination later in life,” Nelson wrote in a statement. Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, who last year sponsored a different bill that
addresses birth certificate changes in a very different way, tweeted his confusion with Nelson’s bill. “I question Rep. Nelson’s logic. We change birth certificates every day in Utah. After a successful adoption, the state issues a new birth certificate showing the adopted parents as the birth parents — even though they weren’t even there.” Transgender Education Advocates of Utah Chair Sue Robbins sees the bill as an attack on the transgender community. “On a day where the transgender community has received a vicious attack nationally with the lifting of injunctions against the transgender military ban, I am appalled at the legislation being introduced to the Utah House this session,” she said. “HB0153 is a clear and direct attack upon the transgender and intersex communities of Utah.” “By clearly defining male and female as requiring specific genitalia and declaring it immutable for the purposes of a birth certificate, Rep. Nelson is attempting to erase the ability of transgender individuals to change their birth certificate to match their true gender,” she continued. Robbins and TEA of Utah plan to work with community partners to stop the bill. “The damage this bill can do to the Utah community is immeasurable,” she said. The Utah Supreme Court has several cases before it regarding inconsistencies in rulings depending on the judges assigned. Judges said during the hearing that they would like legislation to rule on, rather than creating law by a ruling. Nelson is no stranger to being on opposite sides of the LGBT community. in 1992, during the first session the Utah Legislature debated hate crime legislation, Nelson was a chief opponent, saying, “homosexuals should not be given special status under the new bill, considering that sodomy is against the law in Utah.” He further argued that “homosexuals have a political and social agenda that they want to force on the rest of America. Part of that agenda is, through whatever means, to force churches, schools, government, landlords, and others to accept
Rep. Merrill Nelson
them and their lifestyles without regard to what that may mean.” In 2014, Nelson sponsored HB48 that would create a check-off on tax forms for a “Marriage Defense Fund” and provide money to market the bill to state taxpayers. He said the bill was a way to “placate proponents of same-sex marriage who have complained about the cost” to taxpayers for the state’s ongoing appeals to defend Amendment 3. In the 2016 Legislative Session, he fought hard against Rep. Angela Romero’s bill seeking to ensure all married couples are treated equally in adoption and foster placements. “States are required to give gay couples marriage licenses. They are not required to give gay couples children either through foster placements or adoptive placements,” Nelson said in the Judiciary Committee hearing, or which he was vice chairman. He further said the state isn’t barring gay parents from adopting or fostering, but should be free to express a preference for man-woman marriages in child placements. The bill was ultimately rejected that year. On Nelson’s campaign website, he still puts up arguments against “homosexual relationships” and the “homosexual agenda.” The legislative session began January 28. Q
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QSports: More balls than we can handle, but worth the try BY TONY HOBDAY
B-Ball Local LGBT organizations have teamed up with the UTAH JAZZ to celebrate the LGBTQ community. For some this is not a concert, but rather a basketball game (although the term “swish” is often used). Pride Night on February 23 encourages rainbow colors while roping the unbranded Dallas Mavericks. Now, while that being said, it’s highly possible those Texans may rope us into submission. Of course, on our knee (during the National Anthem) we also will be encouraged to eat cotton candy … and maybe Skittles. Anyhoo, the Facebook event page says Utah Pride organizations will be recognized on the court before the game. And tickets also include VIP Early Entry Passes and court-side photo opportunities. Also a Skybox Suite is being hosted, with a number provided for those who want to reserve a seat. There are just a few hundred seats left — purchase tickets at groupmatics.events/ event/utahpride.
Pigskin The SALT LAKE STALLIONS are a professional American football team based in Salt Lake City and are charter members of the Alliance of American Football. Set to be coached by Dennis
Erickson, 2019 marks the inaugural season. On this special Pride night, Saturday March 30, they will be playing the San Diego Fleet. Grrrr... Use “STALLIONPRIDE” as your code for discounted tickets and a portion of each ticket will go directly back to supporting the LGBTQ community, this is a win-win! And with the Stallions on the field, that’ll be another win!
All the Other Balls The new Salt Lake City affiliate of the national LGBT sports organization STONEWALL SPORTS is having their first “interest meeting” to talk about what the league is, how you can get involved, meet people, and have some fun. Those interested in possibly being a leader in the organization should arrive at 1 p.m. No matter your athletic ability or where you come from, organization leaders say they want you. This is a recreational league for all types of athletes. “I have always used sports to build friendships, and to be active with Stonewall Sports you get to give back to the community,” said Sonewall Sports SLC Commissioner Jacob Buck. “Every chapter is focused on giving back to the community as it bills itself as an inclusive sports organization with philanthropy at its core. The Salt Lake City chapter has chosen the Utah Pride Center and Encircle as the league’s charitable partners. We not only want Stonewall Salt Lake to raise
funds for both of these local charities but hope to raise visibility in the community” The meeting will take place Saturday, February 9, 2019 at 1–3 p.m. at the Utah Pride Center, 1380 S. Main Street. If you are unavailable to attend and are interested, email Saltlakecity@stonewallsports.org.
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Qmmunity Ben McAdams honored guest speaker at PAC Brunch RECHARGE The Equality Utah Political Action Committee, endorses fair-minded candidates and supports their campaigns in state and municipal government with volunteer efforts and financial contributions. This year at EU’s annual PAC Brunch fundraiser, newly-elected Congressman, Ben McAdams is the keynote speaker. Not only with important LGBT issues facing the 2019 Utah Legislative Session that need our support, the 2020 presidential election is but a year out, so EU’s much-needed attempt to make an impact, they “need to raise funds today to support the equality candidates of tomorrow.” “We are determined to harness the political power of Utah’s LGBTQ community to have a substantial impact on next year’s election,” said Troy Williams, EU executive director. PAC Brunch RECHARGE will be held Feb. 9, at Red Butte Garden’s The Orangerie, 10 am.-noon. Tickets at bidpal.net/pac2019.
Royal Court raises funds for AIDS Awareness through stigma t-shirts The Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire is raising funds for those in our community living with HIV/ AIDS with financial assistance for different needs such as medical costs, utility bills and much more. T-shirts for $21.99 and hoodies for $34.99 are available with a large red ribbon and the words “Stigma stops with me.” Buy at bonfire.com/rcgse.
UAF Red Party Gala: Murder on the Orient Express This year the Utah AIDS Foundation celebrates the 29th annual Red Carpet Gala. The typically sold-out event each year, it brings together hundreds of people who put on their finest black tie attire and watch the Academy Awards celebration. The theme is ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ or 1930s attire. The extravaganza takes place Feb. 24, 6p.m., at The Grand Hall at The Gateway. As a fundraising gala, the night includes a catered dinner and a silent auction. All of the funds raised stay in Utah to help UAF offer a better quality of life for people living with HIV/ AIDS, and stop new infections through education and targeted outreach. Tickets available at tickettailor.com.
High times to be had at the Bear Summit The Utah Bears group’s Bear Summit is a weekend-long event, March 1-3, 2019, hosted in part by Club Try-Angles that includes skiing, parties, swag, a bear/ cub contest, and more to be announced in the coming weeks. Attendees are required to register and the cost is $35 (not including the ski day). Below is a current list of the summit events.
FRIDAY, MARCH 1 5PM-8PM – Bear Summit Vendor Fair (Registration Pickup) at Club Try-Angles 9:30PM – Meet & Greet at Club Try-Angles
SATURDAY, MARCH 2 Ski with Jack – Park City Mountain Resort (Not included in registration). Skiing schedule: Departing the host hotel, the Hotel Hampton Inn & Suites, 1345 S. Foothill Dr., at 8:15 a.m. Or meet at Park City Mountain Village at 9 a.m. (For those not skiing and evening events) 1PM – Mountain West Cider Tour / Tasting included (21+)
7PM – Aprés Aprés Ski meal at Club Try-Angles 8PM – Bear/Cub Contest at Club Try-Angles
SUNDAY, MARCH 3 11AM Brunch @ Fiddlers Elbow (Not included in registration 21+ only) Time TBA – Bowling – Olympus Hills Bowling Lanes (Not included in registration) Time TBA – Farewell Party – Club Try-Angles
QUAC Ski-n-Swim The Queer Utah Aquatic Club’s annual Ski-n-Swim returns Feb. 15–17 for QUAC members, supporters and friends to ski, swim and socialize. The goal is to strengthen the LGBT community by strengthening the relationships among us. Starting the weekend is an opening social Friday, Feb. 15 at the Utah Pride Center, 1380 S. Main St., at 7 pm. Then on to a swim meet Saturday, Feb. 16, 9 am at the Fairmont Aquatic Center, 1044 Sugarmont Dr., in Sugar House, followed by a catered dinner that evening and an after-party at Club Try-Angles. Sunday is spent skiing the slopes of Snowbird resort in Little Cottonwood Canyon, and then relaxing in the hot tubs and spa afterward. For more info, visit ski-n-swim.
Join the Salt Lake Men’s Choir for their new season Men, regardless of singing experience are invited to join the Salt Lake Men’s Choir as they prepare a Disney-themed concert for Spring. No audition required. The choir practices Thursday nights at 7 at First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 East. Come early for information and music.
Third Friday Bingo rescues great danes The February charity for Third Friday Bingo is the Rocky Mountain Great Dane Rescue. This is one of the largest bingo nights of the year, as those rescuing great danes are a passionate bunch. And it’s fun to have the dogs in the room with them! Friday, Feb. 15, First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East. Admission: $6 for one card or two for $10.. Party Foul Insurance $5. Flamingo Hat of Shame $5for a contribution of $50 we will give the person of your choosing a drag makeover during intermission)
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quotes “What makes you a man is not the ability to make a child, it’s the courage to raise one.” — Barack Obama
“I think it would be really boring if everybody had just a mom and a dad. It’s really special how I have a mom and a mama!” — Cody Jurs-Allen, second grader
“We did a lot of research before we started. We realize that the odds are pretty good that he’ll get picked on. But it’s not that much different than being picked on for being short or for being anything. I was picked on in high school because I was short. My parents didn’t realize to look out for that, to prepare me. Well, I’m one up on my parents, and I think he’ll handle that adversity better than I.” — Jon Holden Galluccio, gay adoptive father
“Every day they teach me different things. The love is there. When you have a 2-year-old saying every other hour, ‘Papi, te amo. Papi, I love you,’ it can’t get better.” — Ricky Martin
“I think every child deserves a family as loving and committed as mine. Because the sense of family comes from the commitment we make to each other to work through the hard times so we can enjoy the good ones. It comes from the love that binds us; that’s what makes a family. … My family is just as real as yours.” — Zach Wahls, activist and son of a same-sex couple
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who’s your daddy
Gay vacay BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS
Maybe
it’s because of the cold weather, but lately I’ve been thinking about a vacation. I took time off during the holidays, but it’s not the same as going away on a real vacation. So, I reached out to Bob Guymon, owner of Thomas Travel to get his insights on some good choices for LGBT families to get some R&R. “When planning a vacation, choose a destination that truly appeals to your taste,” Guymon told me. “It can be historic, cultural, adventurous — whatever rocks your world. And remember to look for something that works within your budget.” With that in mind, here are some gay-friendly destinations for the whole family! Gay Days in Anaheim or Orlando — Three days of fun in October in the Magic Kingdoms, all catering to two-dad and two-mom families. Although not officially sponsored by Disney, the parks welcome the group with open arms. There’re all sorts of fun, from special lunches to scavenger hunts, plus all the amazing rides for which the parks are famous. Guymon reminded me that Provincetown has been a destination of choice for gay guys for years. Well P-Town now has its own kid-centric event in late July and early August — it’s home to the Family Equality Council’s annual Family Week. It’s the largest gathering of LGBTQ parents and kids in the
world! There are pool parties, camps, workshops, and more. If a camp getaway — not that kind of camp — is more to your liking, there are plenty of long-weekend choices offering good old-fashioned fun. CampOut in Decatur, Michigan offers water-skiing, sailing and other traditional camp activities for gay parents. It’s all inclusive so everything is included in the registration price. There are also camps for kids of gay parents and those catering to LGBT Jewish parents. Perhaps something less “roughing it” is more appealing. The Fontainbleu in Miami Beach is great. Guymon says there are pools, waterfalls, and water slides for the kids, plus a program geared just for them — ranging from games and sports to art, and maybe even a chance to make treats with the resort’s pastry chef! Cruising — not that kind of cruising — may be more your cup of tea. There is Olivia and R Family Vacations — LGBT family-specific cruises on board Royal Caribbean’s Harmony of the Seas with ports like the Bahamas, Virgin Islands, and St. Maarten. There’s always plenty to do for kids, and they’ll enjoy hanging out with other families like theirs. There are also some nice resort choices abroad like Karisma’s Azul Beach near Cancun. Although not specifically for LGBT families, it certainly is LGBT family-friendly. Kids can hang out with Sponge Bob and
catch movies, while dad and dad get a couple’s massage or do some tequila tasting. Guymon also said his time in Sitges, Spain was remarkable. It’s gay-family-friendly and offers a laid-back, quaint vibe peppered with pristine beaches and colorful activities like stilt walkers and fireworks. It’s also close to bigger cities like Barcelona, another gay-friendly adventure spot. One piece of advice Guymon added, “Before you head off on vacation, do your research. Make sure wherever you go
meets your needs. And if you’re traveling abroad, make sure you’re heading someplace where your family will be safe. After all, the whole point of vacation is to have fun!” I’d like to thank Bob for all of his help with this piece. He can help you too — contact him at bob@thomastravel. com. 801-266-2775 or through thomastravel.com. Q Oops! In my Gift Guide column, I erroneously referred to those cute Love Is Love tee shirts as “free” trade. They are, in fact, fair trade, and still a great gift idea!
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To schedule an appointment, please call 801.878.1700 Evening and Saturday Appointments Available Most Insurances Accepted
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lambda lore
The winter of love 1969 BY BEN WILLIAMS
Richard
Nixon became President of the United States in January 1969 and the Vietnam War was in its fifth year. As the year began, there were no gay and lesbian support groups in Utah — or anywhere else for that matter, except for a handful of national homophile organizations. There were no social outlets for homosexuals to speak of outside of the women’s softball leagues, which were primarily meeting place for lesbians. Only two bars served the closeted homosexual community in Salt Lake City at that time: the Radio City Lounge for men and the Broadway Lounge for women. In Ogden there was also a bar called the Court. And while not officially a gay bathhouse, the Wasatch Springs Public Bath House and Plunge on Beck Street serviced a fairly large closeted homosexual clientele. Outside of the bars there were no public places for gay men to meet. City parks, theaters and public buildings were largely cruising areas rather then gathering places. The places that saw the most activity were Pioneer Park, Liberty Park, Memory Grove, the Greyhound Bus Terminal, the State Theater, the Deseret Gym, and the Salt Lake City Library. The “skid row” section of 2nd South along 3rd West to 5th West, South Beach of Great Salt Lake and the Esquire Adult Theater were also popular cruising places. As for gay publications, the only “gay” magazine accessible in Utah was the Los Angeles Advocate which in January had changed its name to simply the Advocate. If you were lucky and well-connected, you might be invited to a private party at someone’s home or apartment. Coats and ties were the appropriate attire for these swishy cocktail soirees . In February 1969, then-BYU President Ernest L. Wilkinson, concerned about the growing homosexual conduct of his students, instructed all campus bishops and stake presidents to report to universi-
ty authorities any student who confessed “unacceptable conduct.” This was a way, he said, of “eliminating students who do not fit into the culture of BYU so those who would fit into it might be admitted to the institution.” With Wilkinson’s decree Brigham Young University, in effect, ended the confidentiality of its student’s confessions to LDS leaders. At the same time the university’s board of trustees — so the church’s General Authorities — ruled that homosexual students would not be admitted or retained at BYU without church leaders’ approval or consent. In March 1969 the Salt Lake Police raided a private residence on Lake Street in Salt Lake City during which they seized pictures, books and movies which they considered pornographic. They confiscated 35 reels of motion picture film, many photographs and paperback books they found in a bedroom closet and also arrested the owner. The man was then fined $100, with a suspended 20-day jail sentence, by city Judge Melvin H. Morris. However, not all Utah gays had their First Amendment rights violated that month. January 1969 also had the first student poem in Utah with a subtle lesbian theme published at Utah State University in Logan. It was entitled “Modigliani’s Gypsy.” I wasn’t a resident of Utah 50 years ago, so I was blissfully unaware of all these shenanigans. In 1969 I was a senior in high school in sunny Southern California. At that time, my main worry was registering for the draft in April when I turned 18. In March 1969 I remember sitting at my open desk while my senior English teacher, Mrs. Appy, droned on about iambic and trochaic poetry meters. She kept tapping the blackboard with a wooden pointer, trying to teach us the rhythm of the verse. I sat as wooden as her pointer, watching the clock as it ticked along in its own cadence. I was bored. I slouched
in my seat and looked up at the high slit windows. I noticed then that a sunbeam had burst into the room. I was fascinated with how its brilliance illuminated the dust fairies swirling around within it, they blissfully unaware of the conformity that Mrs. Appy was dutifully trying to rap-atap into us, her dullards. I let my eyes follow the beam down, down, down — until it rested on a single boy. The golden glow highlighted his face, which, unlike mine, was looking at Mrs. Appy attentively. To say I was entranced would hardly describe the feeling that welled up in me; my heart felt like it was exploding. The most beautiful god-like creature I had even seen was sitting in my classroom, resting his chin on his erect fist. I know not how long I was frozen there staring at the chiseled portrait of this boy. But it was long enough for the girl behind me to giggle and for my face to burn hot in embarrassment. No matter. I had seen the most striking Adonis, and all this time he had been in my fifth period English class! I didn’t even know his name. That would change. Today I would be called a stalker. Back then, I was a lovesick puppy sniffing out all the ways and stays of this beautiful boy. I couldn’t even tell you why, because I certainly wasn’t queer … still, there was this something that had no name then, but felt so sublime. In 1969 I had no vocabulary by which to label these feelings I had for this boy! I quickly learned that his name was John Cunningham, a name like no other name; a name above all others, for it was his name. I also knew that I was different from all my friends. I now had a secret that I could never tell anyone else, ever. I was in love with a boy. It was my greatest joy and my deepest shame. I knew that if I had any chance at becoming John Cunningham’s friend, I would have to hide what my soul wanted to shout. I didn’t know much of what was going on in the world in 1969, but I knew that being called queer was the very worse epithet that could be hurled at you. I was in love with a boy named John Cunningham, and I could not tell a single solitary soul. My life was a cliché. It was the best of times. It was the worse of times. It was March 1969. Q
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Issue 293 | Qsaltlake.com
ask mr. manners
Every guy has a softer side
Love for the realist
DON’T FORGET!
BY ROCK MAGEN
Let’s stop
for a moment and do some math. There are roughly 7.2 billion people on the planet earth. Approximately four to eight percent of these people are something other than heterosexual. Let’s assume they’re all gay, just to make the math easier. So, there are 576 million gay people, max, on earth. Compared to 6.6 billion heterosexual people. It makes logical sense that, at the very least, it would be more difficult to find someone else who was gay just to date, let alone with whom to fall in love. However, that does not mean that it is impossible. Diving into the dating pool can be both exciting or nerve-racking. Dating can include being vulnerable and stepping out of your comfort zone. On the first few dates with a potential partner, you’ll likely notice if you have any chemistry. While chemistry is important, you should look at other factors before starting a sexual relationship. When you enter a relationship, it’s also important to focus on your health and well-being. There are several considerations when developing a relationship with another person. While we have all been told the obvious parts of love, but I am going to share a few other “real” considerations about relationships. The first consideration is sexual health. Your partner may have been sexually active before and it may be a good time to talk about HIV and STIs. Dating someone with an STI or an HIV diagnosis is still possible. Educate yourself about how STIs and HIV transmission occur. This can help you feel confident about remaining
protected. It’s a good idea for you and your partner to receive screening for STIs so you can get treatment if needed. The CDC recommends getting screened every three to six months if you have casual sex, if you have more than one sexual partner, or are in an “open” relationship. Now that we have that out of that way, I want to share another consideration which seems to be growing in our community — abuse. Before entering the dating scene, it’s important you understand the warning signs of domestic violence. Gay and bisexual men are at risk for intimate partner violence, domestic violence, or stalking at equal or greater rates than heterosexual men, according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. Twenty-six percent of gay men, 37 percent of bisexual men, 44 percent of lesbian women, and 61 percent of bisexual women will be victims of such violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. You should reach out for help if a partner hurts you or threatens you with physical violence. Dating can be a wonderful experience. It’s a chance to connect with other people and form a lasting connection with someone special. You may even meet a person with whom you want to have a life-long sexual and emotional relationship.When this occurs, be open with your partner, receive screening for STIs, and choose the best safer sex options for you. Be authentic and transparent with your partner and maintain a sense of personal responsibility. This will ultimately make your relationship stronger and safer. Q
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26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS
creep of the week
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Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
Steve King BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI
I shall
begin this week’s column with a limerick: There once was a Republican named Steve who was racist like you wouldn’t believe but the media ignored him because white supremacy bores them and focused on Rashida Tlaib. If you’ve been paying attention to the news then you know that both Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) and Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Michigan) have gotten attention for things they said out loud into microphones. Except one of these representatives got way more attention initially. That would be Rashida Tlaib, the first Muslim woman ever elected to Congress, when she remarked about Donald Trump that we should “impeach the motherfucker.” Cue the pearl clutching. Every possible news outlet ran with the story of the Muslim woman saying a bad word about a president who has shown nothing but contempt for people like her. My goodness, you would have thought that Tlaib had advocated grabbing women “by the pussy” or something. Meanwhile, Steve King, one of the most open and unapologetic racists in Congress, while speaking to the New York Times, reminisced about a bygone era and at first there was barely a peep by the media. “White nationalist, white
supremacist, Western civilization—how did that language become offensive?” King asked. “Why did I sit in classes teaching me about the merits of our history and our civilization?” Perhaps he went to a whites only school, but King clearly has forgotten or never bothered to learn about our country’s truly heinous history of slavery and racism. In a statement King claims that he was referring only to the term “Western civilization,” not lumping the three terms together as the Times indicated. However, that’s hard to believe because King has a long history as being super duper racist and not at all shy about it. For example, he once Tweeted: “Culture and demographics are our destiny. We can’t restore our civilization with somebody else’s babies.” And while he doesn’t SAY that by civilization he means “whites” and “somebody else’s babies” he means Muslims, he is responding to a (since deleted) Tweet praising Geert Wilders, a Dutch politician who is known for his far-right anti-Muslim dickishness. Add that to the fact that King has been an anti-Obama birther since day one, even going so far as to say in 2008, “If [Obama] is elected president then the radical Islamists ... will be dancing in the streets in greater numbers than they did on Sept. 11 because they will declare victory in this war
on terror.” King has also declared that only white people have contributed to civilization, unlike what he called “subgroups.” Unsurprisingly, King not only hates non-white people, he also hates LGBTQ people. Weird how often those things go together, isn’t it? Marriage equality? He’s against it. Transgender service members? He’s a no on that, too. Right before the midterm elections King said he was looking forward to a solidly conservative U.S. Supreme Court, going so far as to say he hoped that Justices Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor would “elope to Cuba. Though neither woman has publicly identified as a lesbian, that’s just the worst thing King could think to call them. Not sure what the Cuba angle is. Sotomayor’s parents were Puerto Rican which is probably close enough for Steve. While the furor over Tlaib’s MF-bomb seems to be waning, King is, thankfully, starting to get into all kinds of trouble. The GOP actually kicked him off of his committees, which is a BFD. According to Slate, “The House GOP removed King from the powerful Judiciary Committee, which oversees immigration and voting
rights, and the Agriculture Committee, a plum assignment for a congressman representing rural Iowa. King was also stripped of his seat on the Small Business Committee.” A man like King has no business overseeing matters related in any way to immigration and voting, so that’s good news. It’s just sad that it took the GOP so long to disavow King’s bigotry. Of course, the only problem the GOP has with King is that he says the quiet part out loud. The GOP’s long history of policies that hurt minorities is an open book, plus they embrace Trump wholeheartedly. Oh, and by the way, Trump has previously said that King is “a special guy, a smart person, with really the right views on almost everything.” Iowa, DTMFA. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.
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sex and salt lake city
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Polyamory 101 BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK
We’re coming
up on Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend just called. I was expecting to hear him announce some romantic plan. Nope. He was calling to let me know that his other girlfriend tested positive for a bacterial infection that may possibly be sexually transmitted. So he and her other boyfriend are both off to be tested. He wanted to let me know because I should probably be tested too. And, depending on my results, my husband may need to be tested as well. Welcome to polyamory. When I share my relationship configuration with others I am met with a variety of responses. Some are judgmental, but most are simply curious about how it all works. Nearly everyone wants to know about the sex! Of course, with two partners, the assumption is I must be having a lot of it! Polyamory is just one model of non-monogamous relationship styles. In its basic form, the definition of polyamory is: “The state or practice of having more than one romantic relationship at a time with the consent and knowledge of everyone involved.” These relationships may or may not involve sex, but they are generally all romantic in nature. To breakdown the word Polyamory itself: Greek word for Many = Poly and Latin for Love = Amor. The caveat that sets polyamory apart from other relationship configurations is just that — relationships.
What polyamory is not: POLYAMORY IS NOT CHEATING At its core cheating is deceptive and hurtful. Seeking out desires that one knows will be hurtful to a partner, by engaging in lies and deception, only does damage to a relationship. In polyamory all partners are aware of one another and have
free agency to decide whether or not they agree to be involved with a person who is also involved with others.
POLYAMORY IS NOT SWINGING Swinging (also known as partner swapping) is when an otherwise committed pair engages in consensual, recreational sex with others. Generally, swingers refrain from forming romantic attachments with those outside of their primary relationship.
POLYAMORY IS NOT HETERONORMATIVE So many relationship configurations fall under the lens of heterosexuality. Within the polyamorous community there tends to be a greater acceptance for the beauty that is queerness in all its forms. More people are finding themselves not only fluid in their relationship style, but also in their sexual expression.
What Polyamory is: POLYAMORY IS CONSENSUAL Unlike adultery, in polyamorous relationships everyone involved is aware of everyone else. Sometimes the partners of each other’s partners may become friends. Other times they may not. But at the base of it all is an awareness that there are others who are also involved.
POLYAMORY IS HONEST When Kevin and I realized we had sincere feelings and wanted to see where this would go, we each told our other partner and arranged a time for the four of us to have dinner together. Everyone knew about everyone else from the beginning. Everyone had an opportunity to speak their feelings and any concerns they may be having as things progressed. This level of transparency has saved us from many potential hurt feelings. Honesty leaves no room for secrecy or
deceit, but rather a larger container for love. This level of honesty also lends itself to scenarios like above. When one person is suspected of an STI, rather than being met with shame, all parties are notified and can seek medical attention.
POLYAMORY IS ABOUT LOVE Romantic love is the biggest factor that sets polyamory apart from other non-monogamous relationship styles. My husband and I have been married for a couple of decades but we acknowledge that as my additional partner, Kevin is an important person in our lives. He’s a real person with real feelings, real fears, real dreams. He may be a third person in the relationship, but he shouldn’t ever feel like a third wheel. While it’s important to be extra conscious about keeping commitments with one another, it’s also important to be flexible and understanding as unexpected things do come up. The most important factor I have found through this journey is to not treat other partners like playthings. People are not disposable. That may work fine with some relational configurations, but it doesn’t fare well with polyamory. When in a relationship, whether there are two people involved or five, they are making themselves vulnerable to others and vulnerability is sacred. There is so much more to polyamory than this article can articulate. More information on the topic can be found in the following books: More Than Two by Franklin Veaux; Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, and Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton. Q Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a clinical sexologist and can be reached at dr.LaurieBennettCook@gmail.com
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Wanda Sykes Comedian talks walkouts, Ellen’s interview with Kevin Hart, and the role her wife plays in her comedy career BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI
Because
according to Trump’s America only white het men can exist, now would be a good time to reintroduce Wanda Sykes. She is a black person and a woman and a lesbian. And if you go to one of her Oh Well stand-up shows this year, or catch the taping of one on Netflix tentatively scheduled to stream later this year, expect a poking and probing of things affecting Americans who identity as any of those under-attack minorities. Some women who are still supporting Trump for some reason may have benefited from that very basic Wanda Sykes 101 bio above before seeing the actress-comedian-writer in New Jersey in September 2018 and walking out and then demanding a refund from the Count Basie Center for the Arts. These are the same people who loved the 54-year-old comedian in Monster-in-Law and Evan Almighty and as the voice of an animated skunk in Over the Hedge. And the same people who then wondered what the problem was when Roseanne tweeted a racist tweet and why Sykes, who wrote for the Roseanne revival, jumped ship. Not that the entertainer and momto-twins didn’t have a loaded sched, but with recurring TV roles on Broad City and Black-ish (for which she was Emmy-nominated), and several new movies out this year, Sykes has somehow found the time and energy to rattle the privileged cages of Trump supporters. Are you unfazed by walkouts at this point in your career? It cracks me up, really. Like, what were you expecting? What are the crazy ladies’ names? Diamond and whatever? The two African-American women. I forget their names. Diamond and Salt? Silk? [Editor’s note: It’s Diamond and Silk, vloggers known for supporting Donald Trump.] It’s like, no, that’s not me. Or Kanye West. Right, right, right. At this point Trump is basically writing his own comedy show. Recently, there was a photo of him standing in front of a Burger King and McDonald’s buffet at the White House. It’s hard to top him. When the fodder is ripe for comedy is it actually harder to write the joke? Yeah, it’s hard to top as far as what he does, because it’s just so ridiculous. Like when he does something ridiculous, it’s hard to write something where you would go, “That’s like blah blah blah,” because it’s already ridiculous. It’s hard to do a metaphor. So, really, you just have to talk about it as far as the level that it’s gotten to, and I don’t understand why we’re still putting up with it. Why aren’t we out in the streets, and you know, ready to drag him out of there, out of the White House? Because PHOTO: DEREK WOOD
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As Puzzled As Ever remember they got upset with Barack Obama when he wore a tan suit? I mean, this is ridiculous, the level that they’re going to. Do you remember your first walkout and what that was like? I got walkouts back under the George W. Bush administration. There were some walkouts back then. So, I’ve gotten used to it. I think I read that during one of your first shows in the late ’80s, the audience booed you. That was the second one. The first one I did went great. I almost won the contest; I did really well. So that’s why I stayed with comedy. And then the second time, it didn’t go well. I just bombed (laughs). I think because I was just so confident from the first time that I maybe [got] a little too cocky. Actually, I think it was the first time being on stage and it went great, and then I started going to comedy clubs and I saw how it could actually go really poorly and just go off the rails. I watched comics bomb and then when I went back on stage again I was just really nervous because I realized they don’t have to laugh; they can actually sit here and boo. So, I think that’s what happened the next time I did the competition. What is one thing you want people to take away from Oh Well? I hope they take away that I haven’t lost hope. That I still believe that people are good and that we’ll get through this, so I hope they walk away with that. Like, I’m not saying, “Hey, it’s the end of the world.” Where are you deriving that hope from? Young people. They give me hope. The Parkland kids, they do, they give me hope. Through your involvement with the Ruth Ellis Center for homeless and at-risk LGBTQ youth in Detroit, you’ve met a lot
of young people. What do young LGBTQ people want to know about Wanda Sykes? A lot of it is career-wise, ’cause a lot of them, man, they’re so talented, they’re very creative, a lot of the kids from the center. So a lot of them want to know how I got started and any advice career-wise, and then of course how hard was it coming out and do I think that it had an effect on my career and also advice on dealing with family members as far as having problems dealing with coming out. (Laughs) Sometimes it’s just, “Hey, what do you like to do for fun? When you get stumped creatively, what do you do to get out of it?” What do you do to get out of it? You know what, I like jigsaw puzzles. (Laughs) I know I sound like an old lady! But every now and then if I gotta break it up and nothing is coming to me and I get stuck in a rut, I like to break out a jigsaw puzzle and maybe put some music on, something I don’t normally listen to. You just need a shift. As soon as you make a shift, it opens everything back up for you. What’s the last jigsaw puzzle you completed? It was a cover from the New Yorker and it was a dog sitting on porch steps. So you’re a dog puzzle person? (Laughs) Nah, it’s not a lot of abstract stuff I do. I like a piece of art, or you know, it’s usually still life. Do you do the 5,000-piece puzzles or are you more of a 300-piece puzzle person? Usually it’s more like 2,500. Five-thousand, that’s a project for over the summer. Who do you test your material out on? Pretty much the audience. My wife can see when something happens, and if I write it down or she sees something in my phone she’s like, “Oh boy, that’s a joke for you now.” Or something happens
and she’ll say, “Oh, you should write that down! That was funny!” How were you writing your material before cell phones? I always had a notebook and always wrote things down in my notebook. I have boxes and boxes of notebooks where I used to write my stuff down. Now it goes in the phone, but I still like to write by hand. Will your Netflix show be out this year? I’m shooting it in February, so it’ll probably be out late spring. Will that be the Oh Well show? Will it be as anti-Trump as the show you’re currently touring now? (Laughs) I would say the first 15 minutes or so – 20 minutes – is that. But then I move on! The tour that I’m doing now, that will be the special I’m working on. The Guardian called it a “tough anti-Trump tirade.” Is it scary to talk about Trump because of what happened to Kathy Griffin? No, I think we see that Kathy was right. I think she was just a little ahead of us as far as where this was going. Right as far as her lambasting of the president? Right. Do you feel you have a greater responsibility now to speak on political and social issues? I talk about what interests me and what I find funny and what I like to talk about. I watch politics, I follow what’s happening in the world. I like to talk about social issues and I like to talk about my family and personal issues. To me, I’m not going out of the way to say, “Oh, I need 10 minutes on Trump, I need something on gun control.” That’s not how I write, it’s not planned. It’s what happened. And that’s the kind of comedy I like. There’s room for all types of comedy; there’s physical humor and there’s some comics who are not political at all and that’s fine. But for me, if I
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Wanda Sykes (continued) walked out onto a stage and didn’t say anything about this craziness that’s happening, it’d be like the elephant in the room. I think when I go on stage people are waiting for it. Like, “Oh, OK, when is she going to get there?” It’s affecting everything you stand for, so how could you not? For me, I believe that’s the job for an artist. But then again, there are all types of artists and comics out there. Ellen’s recent interview with Kevin Hart upset many people in the LGBTQ community. She was criticized for making Kevin out to be the victim, while muting the voice of her own community. Don Lemon was one of her critics. Where do you stand on how that interview went? I looked at it as two comedians who are friends and she was trying to help out her friend. Now, I agree with Don Lemon that there is a huge issue in the African-American community concerning homosexuality and the LGBTQ community. So, I think for me, you’d have to go a little deeper with discussing that. To me, to say, “Hey, I already apologized and I didn’t know about it until it came out this time around” – so, it’s like, well, we didn’t know about that and now we do, so where’s the apology? Or at least have some type of awareness as far as how your words really are affecting a lot of kids in our community. So, I always gotta come on the side of kids and our community. People, including actress-writer Lena Waithe, have been expressing a desire to see you as Oscar host. Would you be interested? If they asked, yeah, I would be interested. You’re not busy doing a puzzle that night? (Laughs) I got a nice gay flag puzzle that I wanna work on so, um… Wanda, bring the gay puzzle to the Oscars and work on it there. (Laughs) I mean, it’s the Oscars, so I wouldn’t run away from
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
it. But it would be cool if they made it very inclusive and made RuPaul host. Regarding your acting career: Have you had the acting career that you always desired to have? Well, I never really desired to have an acting career. I just wanted to be one of the funniest comedians out there and wanted to make a living traveling all over, and film and TV is a bonus, really. I mean, come on, I got to go to Hawaii to shoot a movie with Amy [Schumer]. But to me, I take it seriously, though; I also just love doing it. I love stand-up. You have several films slated for release this year, including Friendsgiving and The Wedding Year. In Friendsgiving you play what must be a dream role: the fairy gay mother. How does one get the role of the fairy gay mother? You’re just blessed with a role like that. You get a call and you’re blessed and it’s like, “Hey, you’re the fairy gay mother with Margaret Cho and Fortune Feimster.” Do you get a magic wand? I’m not gonna tell you if I get a magic wand or not. But there are wings involved! If you had a magic wand, how would you use it? Oh, boy. I can do a lot of things though, right? You’re like Cinderella’s fairy godmother. You just wave that wand around, and if you want you can turn Trump into a horse. (Laughs) Well, he’s already a jackass. And you don’t even need a wand for that. Don’t even need it. Wow, what would I do? I think first I would make Oprah the president, and then I’d do something about guns, and then I’ll make sure that Flint has clean water. I’ll do that. Q As editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBTQ wire service, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in GQ, Vanity Fair and Billboard. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter (@ chrisazzopardi). PHOTO: DEREK WOOD
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ART EXHIBITS
Tony’s Gay Agenda BY TONY HOBDAY
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Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
FRIDAY — ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE: COSTUMES FROM UTAH’S GREATS
The BRIGHAM CITY MUSEUM OF ART & HISTORY Brigham City Museum of Arts & History, 24 N. 300 West, Brigham City, times vary, through March 16. Free presents the exhibition ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE: COSTUMES FROM UTAH’S GREATS currently on TUESDAY — LOVE IN THE ABSTRACT display. The exhibition includes costumes designed, “A” Gallery / Allen + Alan Fine Art, 1321 S. 2100 East, times vary through March 2. Free. A special reception will be held made, and used by performing arts companies from Feb. 15, 6-8 p.m. around the state including Utah Shakespeare Festival, Ballet West, Utah Opera, Utah Festival Opera, and Heritage Theater. In addition to original costumes, the exhibition features design drawings of some of the costumes, as well as photographs of the costumes and productions in which they were used. Some highlights are the Esmeralda Feast of Fools costume from Utah Festival Opera’s production of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and The Ghost of Christ- BRIGHAM CITY MUSEUM OF ART & HISTORY mas Future from the Heritage Theater’s production of A Christmas Carol. BALLET WEST returns with Adam Sklute’s critiAdditionally, the exhibition will include some sample cally acclaimed production of Swan Lake. Glorious, materials for visitors to touch, and a partially dressed heart-melting music by Tchaikovsky and a timeless example so visitors can see the structure required for story of a sad prince, an evil sorcerer, and a beautiful some of the complicated historically inspired costumes. woman turned into a swan. “A” GALLERY opens a new group exhibition Love in FRIDAY — SWAN LAKE the Abstract, featuring incredible works by Brent GodCapitol Theatre, 151 S. 200 West, times vary through Feb. frey, Jared Walker, and Bruce Christensen. Christensen’s 23. Tickets $45-102, artsaltlake.org work ranges from formal outdoor public works to figurative and narrative sculptures. He has a passion for materials producing work by traditional methods such LAURA “LP” PERGOLIZZI is a queer singer-songwritas bronze casting and ceramics, but also incorporates er, whose look and demeanor have been called androgmethods and materials such as steel fabrication and ynous, but personally she identifies as a lesbian. synthetic materials. LP’s voice has been liked to Stevie Nicks and Cyndi Walker’s paintings begin with a personal narrative, Lauper (will that’s definitely a queer bridge). Her fifth through a process of spontaneity and abstraction, they full length album, Heart to Mouth, released late last evolve to express a new visual dialogue open to interyear, is the follow-up to her breakthrough album Lost pretation. His current body of work uses the human On You that has now garnered over 700 million streams figure as metaphor for the human condition, examining worldwide. how the human soul fits into the 21st century. MONDAY — LP Godfrey uses the painting process to translate Union Event Center, 235 N. 500 West, 8 p.m. Tickets $25-30, objects, figures, and landscapes into physical metaphor. ticketfly.com Combining varying degrees of abstraction and representation, he explores identity and memory, interpersonal relationships, and social conventions.
BALLET
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CONCERTS
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Everything from Angels to Zen
RDT — REGALIA
SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS
ROBIN BECKER received the Lambda Award in Poetry for “All-American Girl,” and has held fellowships from the Massachusetts Cultural Council, the National Endowment for the Arts and the Radcliffe Institute at Harvard. A member of the Muscogee Nation of Oklahoma, JENNIFER ELISE FOERSTER is the author of two books of poems: Leaving Tulsa and Bright Raft in the Afterweather. She is the recipient of a National Endowment for the Arts Creative Writing Fellowship, a Lannan Foundation Writing Residency Fellowship and was a Wallace Stegner Fellow in Poetry at Stanford University. She teaches at the Institute of American Indian Arts. The clock is ticking, the dancers are sweating, the choreographers are frantically creating, and…you and your guests are partying! It must be the soiree of the year, RDT’S REGALIA – an annual fundraiser that asks the audience to award a commission based on works created in just four hours. The evening culminates with a lively shindig and dancing on stage to live big band music. It Gets Better is a newly revamped artistic collaboration with the world-famous SAN FRANCISCO GAY MEN’S CHORUS. The It Gets Better Tour brings the experience and message of the online It Gets Better Project to communities and audiences by blending music, theater, and multimedia into a work for the stage. The cast brings to life real stories from LGBTA people from around the country. With the It Gets Better Tour, a small but dedicated ensemble travels to communities nationwide to produce a week of educational workshops culminating in this moving musical theater performance. The week culminates in a Main Stage performance – equal parts wit, whimsy, empowerment and inspiration. MONDAY — ANNE NEWMAN SUTTON WEEKS POETRY SERIES: BECKER AND FOERSTER
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Adamson Alumni House, Westminster College, 1840 S. 1300 East, 7 p.m. Free
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SATURDAY — REGALIA
Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 136 W. 300 South, 6:30 p.m. Tickets $75, artsaltlake.org
— SAN FRANCISCO GAY MEN’S CHORUS & IT GETS BETTER Eccles Center Theater, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 7:30 p.m. Tickets $29, park city institute
SYMPHONY
Not only is Ballet West celebrating Tchaikovsky but so is the UTAH SYMPHONY with “Pathétique”, which means passionate or emotional in Russian, but is sometimes mistranslated to mean evoking pity. The first performance of Symphony No. 6 “Pathétique” was certainly a pity, as Tchaikovsky led it just nine days before his death and 21 days later it was performed in his memory. Declaring he put his “whole soul into this work,” Tchaikovsky introduced a radical new concept deviating from the optimistic model of light over dark, and instead ends the composition in bleak minor chords. Pieces such as “Pathétique” formed a narrative or story to engage listeners, just as it’s sure to engage you. FRIDAY — “PATHÉTIQUE”
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Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 7:30 p.m., through Saturday. Tickets $15-68, artsaltlake.org
THEATRE
WICKED is a renowned tale of the land of Oz, a good witch, and a green-with-envy witch bitch. Spoiler alert: the actual bitch is the lion. Enjoy! Elton John and Tim Rice’s AIDA follows an enslaved Nubian princess who finds her heart entangled with Radames, an Egyptian soldier betrothed to the Pharaoh’s daughter, Amneris. As their forbidden love blossoms, Aida must weigh her heart against the responsibility that she faces as the leader of her people. FRIDAY — WICKED
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Delta Hall, Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main St., times vary through March 3. Tickets $99-229, artsaltlake.org
— AIDA
On Pitch Performing Arts, 587 N. Main St., Layton, times vary through Feb. 16. Tickets $12-15, onpitchperformingarts.com
12896 S Pony Express Rd Suite 200 in Draper (just north of IKEA) 801.333.3777 www.ilovelotus.com
LotusStore
GAY WRITES
A DiverseCity Series writing group A program of Salt Lake Community College’s Community Writing Ctr. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of each month, 6:30-8 pm, Salt Lake City Library Square, 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8, Salt Lake.
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Qsaltlake.com |
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
SLAC presents ‘The Cake’: will a gay marriage get a piece of the American pie? group
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Salt Lake Acting Company, a leading Utah destination for brave, contemporary theater, presents the Utah premiere of The Cake by Bekah Brunstetter (writer/ producer on NBC’s This is Us). The timely socio-political dramedy, ripped from the headlines, opens at SLAC after successful runs throughout the country, and concurrent with a run Off-Broadway in New York. The premise of The Cake regards Della, a woman who is the best baker in her politically red North Carolina town, who is faced with a decision that pits her Christian faith against family. Will she bake a wedding cake for two women – one of whom is as close as a daughter? A refreshing examination of both sides of a passionate debate, The Cake has already charmed theatergoers around the country. In a recent review on theatremania. com, “Brunstetter builds relatable characters whose pasts inform their present decisions so that audiences can comprehend why the characters react in their manner.” In a July 2018 interview, Brunstetter explained her inspiration for writing The Cake. “I see both sides of this issue and couldn’t have written the play if I couldn’t see both sides. My parents share the same beliefs as this baker, so I can’t turn my back on it. And I can’t turn off my empathy, so I’m stuck trying to figure out what to do.” The production continues SLAC’s commitment to bringing cutting-edge new plays, many of which have explored queer issues and how they relate to religion, to Utah audiences. “When I first read The Cake, I was charmed by its quirky writing and the incredible love I felt for these characters,”
said SLAC’s Executive Artistic Director Cynthia Fleming. “This is Us turned the network family drama format on its head. Bekah’s writing in The Cake does the same for contemporary stage drama. “It’s a play with incredible heart, and a successful new work in that it holds a mirror up to an extremely timely issue in
a well-balanced manner.When looking for plays for our 48th season, my goal was to find uplifting works that wouldn’t leave our audiences feeling isolated in their own viewpoints, and most importantly, to encourage empathy for the world around us.” The Cake runs February 6 through March 10 at Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North, Salt Lake City. Tickets available via tickets.saltlakeactingcompany.org, in person at the SLAC box office, or by calling 801-363-7522.
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Sponsored by: Q Salt Lake City Weekly KUER Yelp KRCL Smilebooth
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LET’S HAVE A
KEKE Disney-turned-’Pimp’ star reflects on coming out, talks blurring gender lines and what James Dean and Dolly Parton taught her BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI
PHOTOS: VERTICAL ENTERTAINMENT
Qsaltlake.com |
Keke Palmer
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
is not a girl, not yet — oh wait, she is a woman. It happened so fast, but here we are: With her squeaky-clean Nickelodeon and Disney Channel days behind her, Palmer disappears into her latest rough-and-buff turn as the eponymous lesbian street hustler anchoring the Lee Daniels-produced drama Pimp. Hair pulled back into a mohawk-shaped waterfall of braids and buzzed on both sides whilst presenting a chiseled physique and altogether hard aesthetic, there’s nary a trace of Palmer, Child Star. Palmer’s work after her breakout role as 11-year-old Akeelah Anderson in the 2006 drama Akeelah and the Bee has epitomized the makings of a precocious multi-hyphenate: beyond her film career, which also includes 2012’s Joyful Noise, the 25-year-old Illinois native starred on TV’s Scream Queens, a Ryan Murphy production, and can currently be seen on the Epix spy drama Berlin Station; her theater roles include the televised Grease: Live and Broadway’s Rodgers + Hammerstein’s Cinderella as Cinderella herself (she was the first actor of color to play the role in this particular production of the princess classic); she has one proper studio album, her 2007 debut So Cool, and another on the way; and in 2017, she wrote a book, I Don’t Belong to You: Quiet the Noise and Find Your Voice, documenting her journey thus far. In 2015, Palmer came out as sexually fluid in the video for her song “I Don’t Belong to You.” In the clip, she’s seen in bed with a man but ends up at the house of a woman, played by fellow singer Cassie. Here, Palmer reflects on the LGBTQ community’s reaction to her coming out and discusses embracing her masc energy, what James Dean taught her about sexuality, normalizing queer black characters and an irksome double standard in the bisexual community.
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Keke, one thing is for sure: _Pimp_ is not an episode of Nickelodeon’s _True Jackson_. (Laughs) Oh my gosh, it’s definitely a total different project and different tone. I just felt like I was really stepping outside myself, that’s for sure. Was that intentional? Were you craving something grittier? Step outside myself, for sure. I started developing this project right after _True Jackson_, like a year after kind of doing the same thing. I think TV naturally can be a little bit repetitive, and when you’re doing a children’s network, it can really only go so far [with] subjects and content matter and what you can talk about. So, for me, I was really just looking for something that would allow me a challenge as an actor. What was the biggest challenge working on this film? The biggest challenge was letting go — letting go without fear of doing a character that’s so different from yourself. And it’s an intense role; you really kind of have to let go. And it’s not a positive [role]: Wednesday has a lot of negative dynamics around her that she’s been dealing with throughout her life. Doing it was not necessarily hard but actually being in that kind of headspace for so long was difficult. There are a lot of unfortunate things going on around her, but the least of her worries is her sexuality. That’s refreshing. Exactly. Was playing someone who’s a lesbian a draw? I can’t say her sexuality itself was a draw, but what you’re saying [was]. I like the character as a whole. I liked everything about her. I think what attracted me to her the most was her strength. This kind of character being a lead character and being female is not what we see often, so that’s what attracted me the most. Just that she was tough, and she was cool, and I didn’t really think too much about who she slept with, although I was delighted by the love story between her and her girlfriend. But I just saw it simply as a love story as opposed to a gay love story and a dynamic between women that we haven’t seen in that kind of way. It wasn’t oversexualized, and I really loved the way that her sexuality was displayed in the film. It wasn’t exploited. And by depicting her sexuality in a matterof-fact way, it helps to normalize it. Somebody might say she’s a quote-un-
quote “stud” or she’s not a femme — there’s a lot of language that’s used in the community. Having said that, Wednesday has both. That’s what I love about Wednesday, and I really tried to make that apparent. Wednesday is masculine and feminine. She has elements of both, and she and her girlfriend share those positions with each other, so I feel like it’s the same way in all relationships whether you’re same sex or not. And again, that’s what I loved about the film: We weren’t just doing something that’s stereotypical; we weren’t just giving you this hard-up, one-note [character] and she’s just flat — no, she’s a human. Was her gender fluidity written in the script? I think her being tough was a part of the script, but the nuances brought to it, that was definitely me. Just because myself, I have elements of high masculinity just as much as I have elements of high femininity, and in Wednesday, I really got to explore those elements in myself a lot more. I enjoyed that because I think women are strong, and though Wednesday is a lesbian, I don’t think masculinity defines your sexuality. I think that’s you as person. Can you give me an example of how you feel you’ve embraced your masculinity? I can’t say I can think of one where it’s glaringly obvious, but I think in general I don’t ever choose what people would expect me to say or how people would expect me to respond to anything as a woman or as a black person or as anybody in general. As a person I don’t feel like I fit into many boxes of identity. You played TLC’s Chilli in the Lifetime biopic CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story. She doesn’t strike me as someone who is straight-up feminine. Yeah, not at all. And that’s the thing, it doesn’t have to be as obvious as, oh, this person’s wearing their pants low and they got a big top on. Masculinity can be as small as you sitting with your legs open. It can be an attitude. It can be an attitude. Masculinity is different. It can be just how you approach a situation, or energy you’re putting off in this particular moment. I think I’ve had that many times; especially when I’m creating boundary lines, I’ve definitely had it. When I’m trying to pursue something platonic with another male, sometimes I will be
masculine to let them know, “Hey, you my homeboy; what’s good?” How do you hope this movie speaks to queer black women? Man, I just think it allows opportunity to get more knowledge in accepting one another. I don’t think the black community has been as hard on lesbian women as much as they’ve been on homosexual men. But one of my cousins is just like Wednesday, and so I think for us it really just more so maybe can take the light off the fact that this is a gay person, and more so this is a person and really wrap ourselves into this specific person’s world, not a gay person but this person that’s not just defined solely by these aspects of her life. Really just give this character a human opportunity to stand on her own. Because like I said, a lot of times with these characters, they’re just supporting roles, they’re not the lead, they’re not someone you would feel for; they’re most likely someone you get to judge and they’re kind of a spectacle. So that’s what I love about this movie: We’re normalizing something that has been around and has been normal for years, but now we’re just giving it the opportunity to breathe and the light to shine. When you first came to terms with your own sexuality, did you have role models? Anyone in the business from the LGBTQ community you looked to for inspiration? Maybe when I was like 18, 19, I was kind of like, “What does this mean?” But I think growing up in L.A., you kind of feel OK to be yourself. I think the kind of energy of the culture of L.A., or Hollywood, is that it’s OK to be yourself and that it’s OK to experience things and find who you are. So, I didn’t feel like I needed someone to look to in order to be comfortable with that, but at the same time I think it was more so being comfortable with myself as opposed to me looking outwardly for comfort. It was just kind of me saying, “OK, it’s not a big deal; this is who I am and I can be who I wanna be and date who I wanna date,” and it was just being more relaxed about all of that. But like I said before, I don’t think there is much fear maybe for a woman when it comes to being bisexual or being fluid or being queer or whatever anybody calls it. I think in that regard, maybe I had an easier time. And then my family is not typical in terms of that: My mom
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has always said when I was young, before I even thought of any of that stuff, that if her kids were (LGBTQ) she would just want the person to be cute! (Laughs) But that’s not everybody’s story. But you were also a young star who was on shows for kids on Nickelodeon where I imagine the expectations were high to be — Perfect. Yeah, I felt it more there in that regard than in terms of my sexuality. Did being a child star ever stifle your sexuality? Mmm… I don’t think that it stifled my sexuality. I think other things stifled my sexuality, like my idea of who I had to be or what type of young woman I was, how people viewed me. Honestly, I never felt stifled by — I think I felt maybe confused by it at a certain time, but just as confused as I would’ve been in general with understanding my feelings with dating and all that kind of stuff. But I allowed my journey to be my own and, like I said, I grew up in a community of people where many of my friends were also gay or they were fluid and we didn’t really put different things on ourselves in terms of our sexual identity. We was just kind of like, “You know, I’m going on a date with so-and-so, I’m doing this.” It wasn’t seen as anything more than just us being ourselves. And maybe that’s the millennial way. Maybe I got born in the prefect generation. Yeah, I got on the wrong boat. I got on the one before you. (Laughs) I’m telling you: These millennials are accepting. I read PHOTOS: VERTICAL ENTERTAINMENT
Qsaltlake.com |
something as a teen that was telling me how James Dean was sexually fluid and that was the first time I had ever seen or heard that term. I thought it was really cool that it was a male who was open and being honest about something like that in that era. I remember when I saw that I really loved it because I think often I feel like it’s much harder for males to have that idea than it is for women. People assume when a man dates another man he can’t date another woman, and I’ve had many friends and many relationships with people who I felt like that was a really big crutch for them in being OK with their own identity because the reality was they weren’t in the closet, they weren’t hiding. They did like men, but they did like women. And the unfortunate thing about it was that a lot of women couldn’t accept that [he was with men], so when I saw that I remember seeing that thing with James Dean and I really loved it because I’m like, “What’s the problem if a guy likes both?” There’s a double standard there. I hate it. What kind of attention did “I Don’t Belong to You” get you from queer women? Were more slipping into your DMs? (Laughs) Yeah, sure! I think a lot of people were kind of like, “Oh, I knew it,” or something like this. And that’s always funny. I think if anything would be quote-unquote “obvious” it would just be my openness as a human being. I truly believe sexuality is a spectrum. I believe you’re meant
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
to find love wherever it finds you, so if it happens to find you [with] the same sex, what a travesty it would be that you denied it because you’ve been walking around your life the whole 10 years being a heterosexual. I worked with a director once, and in just regular conversation it happened to slip out that she was married to a woman. What I loved about her is that she said, “But I dated men for many years; I just happened to find true love with this woman.” And I loved that because that’s what life is. We put so many labels on stuff to be gay, straight, dah dah dah dah, when in reality, in the ancient times, it was seen as very special when you could find love with the same sex. And in the Native American community it was called “two spirit” and I think in our Western culture we work so hard to define everybody and everything that we lose the soul. I think that’s what I also loved about Pimp. It isn’t about the label. She found love in this little girl and they found protection in each other as children, so I mean, that’s where they found love. It’s not about what their label is, it’s about the fact that they found love. And I feel like people should stop trying to make everybody fit into a box and just let people live their life. Define themselves the way they choose. You have new music and visuals on the way this year. And it’s been exciting to see more out LGBTQ artists like Troye Sivan and Hayley Kiyoko express their queerness without reservation... Oh yeah, I love Hayley! Will your sexual fluidity influence the narrative and visuals of your upcoming project? I haven’t thought about it just yet. With the visuals that I have, a lot of them are just kind of dancing or little bitty things here and there. But if I feel like there is the opportunity to say something, then I always will. Just like when I did “I Don’t Belong to You,” it was a statement piece. If I’m trying to specifically say something, then yes, because again I feel like my sexuality is who I find love with, so my music will mirror that. I don’t even really have a question, but I just need to acknowledge that, with Joyful Noise, you worked with Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah in the same movie. Man, I
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was so happy that I got to do that, OK?! Because it was just so cool. I love Queen Latifah — that was my third acting project with her. And working with Dolly Parton was just so, so special and awesome because she’s such a sweet, sweet woman and she would bring us fudge bars on set. Homemade fudge bars? Homemade fudge bars. And I would be so scared on set when I had to do my kissing scene and she would just be there to comfort me. I’ve always been a quote-unquote “tomboy” and also into girly stuff, but I’ve always felt more comfortable in more comfortable clothes — in sportswear, I always felt more comfortable, chill like that — and I remember asking her, “How are you beautiful like this every day? How can you do this?” She said, “I just
But then you think of all the time and energy it takes…. Oh, child!
be communicated better in the world and so I use my platform for that. When I did my song “I Don’t Belong to You” I talked about that a lot. I talked also about gender fluidity, that you as a woman aren’t defined by A, B, C and D, that you as a man aren’t defined by A, B, C and D. I speak a lot on being a black female, being a female, being a millennial; if any of those things attract somebody to say, “I like what she says, she’s a role model to me,” then of course that’s cool. But I don’t try to think too much about being a role model as much as I think about being myself and speaking on the issues that are important to me. Q
Do you see yourself as a role model for queer black girls? That’s such a hard one. I can’t tell someone what to see me as, but there are certain things that I feel could
As editor of Q Syndicate, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in GQ, Vanity Fair and Billboard. Reach him via his website at chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter @chrisazzopardi.
made a choice when I was younger, and I wanted to be that way, so I get up every day and I make sure that it’s the way that I’m presented.” I remember just thinking that was so amazing, and that was kind of my first lesson in “we are what we repeatedly do.” That was something she wanted to be a part of who she was — we know Dolly Parton as being fabulous 24/7, and it’s not an easy thing to do, so I really just loved that about her. I loved learning about her during that production. I would love to be like that.
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Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
deep inside hollywood Cuckoo, Cox, Curtis and Coming Out BY ROMEO SAN VICENTE
Sarah Paulson flies over the cuckoo’s nest Ryan Murphy, the man who currently owns most of television, has another show coming. It’s called Ratched, and you’ll need to reach back to at least the 1970s to get the title’s reference, because that was when the film adaptation of Ken Kesey’s novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest won Academy Awards for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Actor, and, for the purposes of this explanation, Best Actress for Louise Fletcher, who played the monstrous Nurse Ratched. For this upcoming project — already given a deal for two seasons and
Corey Stoll, Amanda Plummer, Sharon Stone and Finn Wittrock, among others. You’ll be hearing plenty about it as the airdate approaches. It’s Netflix, after all; they know where to find you.
Laverne Cox and Sara Gilbert move to ‘Weird City’ Jordan Peele is, how they say, on a roll. From Get Out to the upcoming Us, to the planned Twilight Zone reboot: if he touches it, people want to see it. And now he’s working on a new series for YouTube Premium called Weird City, alongside Key and Peele’s Emmy-nominated writer Charlie Sanders. The premise is comedic sci-fi, and it’ll be an anthology series, which means lots of one-off guest stars. Cast so far are people like Sara Gilbert, Ed O’Neill, Rosario Dawson, Michael Cera, LeVar Burton, Dylan O’Brien and Laverne
Call Michelle Williams “Miss Ross” When Beyoncé starred in Dreamgirls, she wasn’t playing Diana Ross specifically, but OK she actually sort of was. And now, in brand new Destiny’s Child-member-playing-Diana Ross news, Michelle Williams will be portraying the real deal for a series coming soon to BET. It’s called American Soul and its plot is aligned with that of the legendary TV show Soul Train and its impact on American pop culture. Sinqua Walls (Power) will star as Don Cornelius, with Williams as Ross, Gabrielle Dennis (Rosewood) as Tina Turner, Bobby Brown as soul singer Rufus Thomas, singer K. Michelle (Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood) as Martha Reeves and, completing the triple play, Kelly Rowland as Gladys Knight. Now all DC members will have at least one musical legend role on their resumes (and in Beyoncé’s case, having also played Etta James, two). The show is coming up quickly, Feb. 5 on BET, so spend all your free moments until then dancing around to “I’m Coming Out.”
Jamie Lee Curtis RSVPs to your queer wedding
18 episodes — newcomer Evan Romansky has created an origin story, one that will star Murphy regular Sarah Paulson as a younger version of the nurse who grew to be a demon of the mental health care system. And there’s an all-star cast rounding out the event: Judy Davis, Cynthia Nixon, PHOTO: STARFRENZY
Cox, all in as-yet-unknown combinations and storylines. Six episodes are coming later this year to YouTube Premium — in case you didn’t know that existed, you’re welcome — so you’ve got some time to learn how to throw it from your phone to your TV.
Unless she’s been to your wedding, you might not instantly know the name Sara Cunningham. But she’s the mother of a gay son, and she’s written a memoir about it titled How We Sleep At Night. And what makes her story unique is that wedding thing. Last summer Sara got national attention by posting on Facebook that she would be a stand-in mom at any LGBTQ wedding that found itself rejected by the biological parents. And now Jamie Lee Curtis has purchased the film rights to Cunningham’s 2014 book, presumably as a starring vehicle for herself. Curtis was quoted in the Washington Post as having been “moved by [Cunningham’s] journey,” and now we’re imagining a heartwarming dramedy where the Halloween heroine buys upwards of 27 dresses to wear at a variety of queer nuptials, dashing across town in a zany get-me-to-the-churchon-time speeding car chase to attend her third ceremony in one afternoon. These are free ideas we’re giving you, Hollywood. Q Romeo San Vicente is usually Best DILF at weddings.
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Online and at over 350 locations across the Wasatch Front
A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41
We also have wedding offciants
Advertise at 801.997.9763
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Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
positive thoughts
The human spirit strikes back Let’s face
BY DESIRÉE GUERRERO
it, it’s been a rough one. More senseless shootings, more #MeToo controversies, more attacks on trans and immigrant rights — and more budget cuts affecting those living with HIV. As 2018 drew to a close, many in our country’s most marginalized communities may have been feeling a bit lost, a bit hopeless, and a bit depressed. And though its understandable that one could feel this way, we must also take note of the many positives that happened in 2018 — thanks to the indomitable strength of the human spirit. And some sound science. One silver lining for those living with HIV this year was simple yet enormously powerful. We started talking about HIV again. It seems that after the panic around the initial epidemic of the 1980s began to subside — especially once the highly effective antiret-
rovirals used today were first developed in 1996 — we just stopped talking about HIV and AIDS. And since we stopped talking about it, we stopped learning about it. In turn, many misconceptions around the condition have remained solidly in place since. This was a “gay disease” after all — so it became even less of a concern once we had the meds to “take care of it.” And Magic Johnson is alive and well, so it’s all good, right? As we moved into the new millenium, HIV had simply became one less worry for Dick and Jane and their 2.5 kids. But in reality, HIV had not disappeared in our country by any means. Stigma is the root of why we’re uncomfortable talking about HIV. We only want to sweep something under the rug when it makes us feel uncomfortable, frightened, or ashamed. But the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s latest estimate of over
38,500 new infections in the U.S. in 2015 proves we can no longer afford to be silent. Fortunately, several well-known people courageously came forward about being HIV-positive in 2018 in order to strike back at this long-enduring stigma. ABC reporter Karl Schmid proved you could be a successful, charming, healthy heartthrob — while being HIV-positive — when he opened up about his status in March in a moving Facebook post: “For ten years the stigma and industry professionals have said, ‘Don’t! It’ll ruin you.’ But here’s the thing. I’m me. I’m just like you. I have a big heart and I want to be loved and accepted,” wrote Schmid, who also included a photo of himself looking quite hunky in an AIDS Monument t-shirt. “Love me or hate me, that’s up to you. But, for anyone who has ever doubted themselves because of those scary three letters and one symbol, let me tell you this, you are somebody who matters…. And don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. I’m Karl Schmid, and I’m an HIV-positive man!” Other celebs, some directly inspired by Schmid’s bravery, also opened up about their status in 2018 — like beloved E! entertainment reporter Marc Malkin and his husband, Fabian Quezada-Malkin. “Karl is a good friend and was the final inspiration I needed,” Malkin told Plus magazine in August, shortly after coming out poz. Young Broadway talents Hernando Umana (Kinky Boots) and Dimitri Moise (The Book of Mormon) also both opened up about being poz this year, bringing the much-needed conversation around HIV to millennials, a group with one of the fastest growing infection rates in the U.S.
These celebs turned HIV activists have at least one thing in common — they’re all super passionate about promoting the global U=U consensus now endorsed by hundreds of major health organizations from all over the world. The campaign was created to educate the world about the science behind “Undetectable=Untransmittable,” which simply means that when one’s viral load drops to undetectable (common for those on treatment today), they are unable to transmit HIV to others. Umana, who bravely came out as gay in addition to being poz on Instagram in August, also included a photo of himself with the post. In it, the 30-year-old performer held a sign that read: “Living with HIV.” He acknowledges those who came before him in the post, and pretty much sums up where we’re at and where we need to get to, in terms of talking about HIV today. “I stand on the shoulders of the millions of people who had to suffer and die from this disease. I stand on the shoulders of the gay men who were forced out of the closet in such a scary time. These men and woman fought and died to get to where we’re at now — to take a pill at night and never have to worry about dying. To get the disease to a point where it is IMPOSSIBLE to transmit (undetectable). How can I be ashamed of this? I honor their legacy by telling my story. So let’s talk about it. Let’s ask questions. Take your PrEP. Use condoms. Be SAFE. Let’s end this stigma forever and eventually end HIV forever!” Q Desirée Guerrero is the associate editor of Plus magazine. This column is a project of Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, TheBody.com, Q Syndicate, and QSaltLake Magazine.
JANUARY 31, 2019 |
Issue 293 | Qsaltlake.com
A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43
TO WEST WENDOVER, Nevada Featuring the Matrons of Mayhem NEXT BUS:
Sat. March 2 Mardi Gras Bus!
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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS
Qsaltlake.com |
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
JANUARY 31, 2019 |
PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45
Issue 293 | Qsaltlake.com
Goodbye, Dolly
Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku
Q doku Medium
8 9 6 7
1
3 9
4
9
8
4 7 9
9 8 4 5 6
9 4 2 3
4 9 8
6
9 2 4
2 8
3 1 9 7 6 8
9 1
1
2 3
8 9 3
7 9 1 6
6
3 5 4 1 5
4
1 6 7 4 1 8
6 3 2 4
5
8
2
6 9 8 8 1 3 2
4 1 7
2 9 8 7
8 6 4 1
4 5 9 6 9 7 5 8 6
4 9 8 4
1 6 9 6
2 4
2 4 3 9
2 8
7
7
6
5 8
3 9 6
8 6 4 7
9 1 8 8
4
7 6 3
23 Hawk at a flea market 24 Casa part ACROSS 25 Out partner 1 LesbiaNation.com 26 Works under Edith and Gay.com Head, perhaps 5 Gig for Michael 28 Chewy candy Carbonaro 29 Sappho’s B 13 He cruised for 40 31 Comment about days straight watching gay porn? 14 Without dissent 33 Christmas poem 15 Beloved Dolly poropener trayer (1921-2019) 34 Word before ass 17 “...farewell, auf 35 Wilde country Wiedersehen, __” 36 Throw in the trash DOWN 18 JFK predictions 37 Disney dog Old ___ 1 Opens bottles 19 Zadora in _Hair2 Worker under Ricky 41 Virtual reality standin spray_ Martin 20 _Annie Get Your 3 Rope to catch a long 42 Computer whiz 44 Oust, as a ho___ _ little dogie mophobic incum22 Trunks of Map4 Where a cobbler bent plethorpe’s photos puts the tongue 45 Nap for Lorca 27 Heated arguments 5 Britten’s raincoat 46 Judy Garland’s 29 Make grief-stricken 6 Visibly shocked parade day 30 Clark of fashion 7 Whipping boy 48 Remembers some 32 Killed, to King James 8 Present from birth S&M 33 Start of a quote by 9 L-word bleeper, 51 Oscar ___ Renta 15-Across perhaps 53 Totals 38 Street urchin 10 Friend of Rimbaud 54 Jackie O.’s second 39 Supporter for Cas- 11 Pink-slip husband satt 12 _Star Trek_ sequel, 55 Kevin Bacon in 40 Tinged with gold briefly _Footloose_ 43 Treat badly 16 Landau’s _Ed 56 Truncation abbrevi47 Type of arm tattoo Wood_ role ation 48 Guns N’ Roses 57 Ending for a fruity 21 R. Nureyev’s land, drink once frontman Rose 49 Long of _If These Walls Could Talk 2_ 50 Current band of the past? 52 Lets up 54 End of the quote 58 Worked at Barneys, e.g. 59 Mr. Right-now, e.g. 60 Use Viagra successfully 61 _Sex and the City_ creator Darren
46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MARKETPLACE
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marketplace
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MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 47
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48 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY
Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG
Alcoholics Anonymous
Weds. 6:30 pm, Univ Neuropsych Institute,
660 S 200 E, 4th Floor
bit.ly/logcabinutah
Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p
801-657-9611
Thurs. 7pm, USARA, 180 E 2100 S, #100
utahaa.org
Church, 777 S 1300 E
Group, UPC,1380 S Main Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Wed. 7p Sober Today,
BUSINESS
LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com
Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce
375 Harrison Blvd,
utahgaychamber.com
Ogden
* info@utahgaychamber.com
Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Crystal Meth Anon crystalmeth.org
Sun. 1:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud - LGBTQIA+Straight USARA, 180 E 2100 S Thurs. 1p Unity In Sobriety, 175 S 700 E LifeRing Secular Recovery 801-608-8146 liferingutah.org
Vest Pocket Business Coalition vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake ywca.org/
saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV
Sun. 10am Univ. Neuro-
Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI
psychiatric Institute,
Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr
501 Chipeta Way #1566 Wed. noon, 2319 Foothill Dr, #120
Utah Log Cabin Republicans
#2705
Sat. 11am, First Baptist
Sun. 3p Acceptance
Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic
501 Chipeta Way
801-484-7871 LGBT meetings:
Qsaltlake.com |
Planned Parenthood
Appts 385-468-4242 Utah AIDS Foundation utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org
1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323 Weber-Morgan Health
Utah Stonewall Democrats utahstonewalldemocrats.org
RELIGIOUS
First Baptist Church firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptist-
Mon., Weds 1-4:30p
slc.org 11a Sundays
477 23rd St, Ogden
777 S 1300 E
Appt 801-399-7250 HOMELESS SVCS
Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s
801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ slcchurch.org
wasatchmcc.org
2nd Sunday, 11:15a at
POLITICAL
Equality Utah equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org
175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party
654 S 900 E
6885 S State St #200
800-230-PLAN
888-957-8824
queerfriends.org
qVinum Wine Tasting qvinum.com fb.me /QVinum/
Sage Utah, Seniors fb.me/sageutah
quacquac.org questions@
quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League bit.ly/slgoodtime
Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah fb.me/stonewall.
sportsofutah Venture Out Utah facebook.com/groups/
Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE
Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Ctr
Temple Squares Square
encircletogether.org
Dance Club
fb.me/encircletogether
templesquares.org
801-449-1293 Utah Bears
91 W 200 S, Provo, Gay-Straight Alliance Network
utahbears.com
gsanetwork.org
3834 S. Main
fb.me/utahbears
Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+
SOCIAL
1 to 5 Club (bisexual) fb.me/1to5ClubUtah
The Bonnie and Clyde’s Social Group bit.ly/BonnieClydeSG
Alternative Garden Club bit.ly/altgarden *
altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons. blackbootsslc.org
Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats. blackbootsslc.org
Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays
info@utahbears.com
Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists umen.org info@umen.org
Utah Pride Center utahpridecenter.org info@utahpridecenter.org
1380 S Main St 801-539-8800 SPORTS
Pride Community Softball League fb.me/utahpride.
8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/
University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu
200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 USGA at BYU fb.me/UsgaAtByu
Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr usu.edu/
accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum
softballleague
facebook.com/
pcsl@prideleague.com
groups/uvuspectrum
Q Kickball League
Weber State University
Community Writing
fb.me/qsaltlake.
Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8
kickball
weber.edu/
Sundays, 10:30, 11:30,
lgbtresourcecenter
Sunnyside Park
801-626-7271
Get Outside Utah
umen.org
bit.ly/owlsutah
Queer Friends
QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club
Crone’s Hollow,
blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM
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Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)
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S University St
OWLS of Utah (Older,
11a Sundays
Sundays except the
UofU Law School, 383
outreachutah.org
utahpridecenter.org
Young Women’s
2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm
OUTreach Utah Ogden
801-595-0052
801-889-8764
Rainbow Law Free Clinic
menwhomove.org
sageutah@
801-433-1713
LEGAL
Men Who Move
823 S 600 E
Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah
LGBT Resource Center
JANUARY 31, 2019 |
Issue 293 | Qsaltlake.com
marketplace L AW Y E R S
MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 49
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50 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E
Qsaltlake.com |
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
UTAH GAY&LESBIAN CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
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& MEMBERSHIP DRIVE APRIL 4 • 6–9 PM COTTONWOOD COUNTRY CLUB TICKETS: BIT.LY/UTAHGAYL A
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ARIES March 20–April 19
There is not much activity going on and boredom has a way of creating false problems to worry about. Avoid creating conflict with others and keep perceptions in check. Not everyone is out to get you, so take a moment to enjoy the lack of drama. Alone time works when imagination is used.
TAURUS Apr 20–May 20
Someone you work with is feeling down. Do something to help perk them up. Your capacity to satisfy is abundant. Be cautious of providing too much help to someone you don’t like much. They may develop excessive expectations. It helps to be good at what you do, but don’t compromise.
GEMINI May 21–June 20
How you react to an intense person can have a long lasting effect. Don’t fear taking action but be careful. A fight may cause pain and
pain can spread. A personal matter should keep it close to home. There is confusion regarding a family matter. By sorting things out, gratitude will come.
CANCER June 21–July 22
It is a happy time. Passions rise and so do you. Don’t let others snow on your parade. It might become necessary to put someone in check, so stay calm and do so. An important person will ask for some help regarding an issue that makes you uneasy. Smile, nod, but move them right along.
LEO July 23–August 22
An abundance of opportunity can open doors but remember to prove your worth. There is always someone to compete with. Balance modesty and pride to look your best. Cheer and satisfaction can come in the form of non-verbal communication, leading to some very pleasing associations.
VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22
Priorities are good to have, don’t allow them to trap you in a method that isn’t working. Adapt and do what the moment requires. A relationship is in trouble. Take time
to simply enjoy this person, and make them enjoy you too! If fun is not the main focus, there is not much point in continuing.
LIBRA Sept 23–October 22
It is possible to fall and get up, but the pain of doing so should be avoided. There seems to be some confusion over what is really important. Step back from a situation and revisit when the dust has settled. Personal matters suck, but sucking can become amazing if you try hard enough.
SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21
What makes sense to you baffles someone else. Don’t let this discrepancy become an issue. Agree to disagree. Much can be learned from alternate perspectives. Get behind this person and see life from their point of view. But don’t spend too much time back there. You risk losing yourself.
SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 22–December 20.
A vital task feels like pushing a hard rock uphill. Break up a burden and tackle it a little bit at a time. Consider whether it is worth the effort. Examine a clear goal and make changes. The heart may break but it is better to
get priorities figured out now and not half way up the hill.
CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19
There is never a perfect situation, no matter how amazing a change may seem at the time. Don’t be quick to go back to an old way of doing something. There is always a reason for your actions, even if you don’t understand the choice at the time. It can take time for things to feel right.
AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18
Romantic feelings could develop with a co-worker or casual friend. Not much has changed, but a little change in the heart can create a big difference. Put faith in feelings and don’t fear exploring a new outlook. Life is about change, even when the routines seem to be the same.
PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19
It could be hard learning skills needed to overcome a problem. Don’t fear asking for help from a buddy. Learn new ways to accomplish goals. A financial situation takes a toll. Spend wisely during this time. Luckily, your wish list is on the light side, so hold off on big purchases until later.Q
JANUARY 31, 2019 |
A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 51
Issue 293 | Qsaltlake.com
DINING GUIDE Valentine’s Day dinner ideas that are easy even if you suck at cooking If you are anything like me, your cooking repertoire consists of, like, three really basic meals. For me, those dishes are pasta, tacos, and stir fry. This could also be why my dinner delivery spending is way over budget. In the event that you also suck at cooking, but you want to have a romantic dinner this Valentine’s Day, don’t panic-order $200 from the local steakhouse just yet. Whether you plan to surprise your partner with your skills in the kitchen or you’d rather take on the culinary challenge together, these four easy Valentine’s Day dinner ideas will have you feeling like Martha Stewart. The simplicity of these recipes doesn’t diminish how delicious they are. Plus, they won’t leave you feeling so
full that you can’t hook up later on that evening. We are talking about Valentine’s Day, after all. So dim the lights and set up candles or twinkly LEDs to transform your house, dorm, or apartment into a more romantic setting. Presentation is everything, so arrange the food carefully, pull out your classiest dinnerware, and make sure all the silverware matches. Martha would be proud. Lemon Garlic Shrimp can be ready to serve in just 15 short minutes. Cheddar-Beer Fondue is easy and fun. Lamb Chops with Mint Garnish are much easier than they sound. Forget pizza and go for flatbread. Q
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52 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | THE FRIVOLIST
Qsaltlake.com |
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
the frivolist
9
Things you need to ‘cleanse’ when entering a new relationship
BY MIKEY ROX
New
relationships are the universe’s way of giving us yet another chance to get it right in the love department — and since none of us are getting younger, it’s wise not to squander it by making the same mistakes over and over. This time around, along with changing toxic behaviors that may have sent your significant other running for the nearest therapist or liquor store, consider cleansing a few areas of your life, tangible and otherwise. Here are a few places to start.
1 Gifts
You don’t have to burn all the cards and gifts your ex ever gave you — that relationship is still part of your “story,” and you’ll regret expunging those things in the long run (I’ve been there myself) — but it’s important to close that chapter and put the literal lid on those memories. Store them in a weatherproof bin in the basement or attic (or the back of a closet) as a future reminder of what once was instead of a constant reminder of what went wrong.
2 Bed sheets
This may seem like an insignificant place to concentrate your cleansing energy, but you and your ex spent a lot of time on your bed sheets. They hold memories (among other things, like your ex’s DNA), and your new partner deserves to make new memories on sanitary cotton that’s not a graveyard of ghosts of relationships past.
3 Yourself
One of my best strategies to shake off a particularly bad breakup is to get a new ’do. A fresh hairstyle (or even just a shapeup) has the uncanny ability to change your physical appearance and mental and emotional outlook by providing a sense of satisfaction and confidence. But don’t stop there. Schedule a few self-care
appointments, like a massage, fitness class and a gripe-and-get-over-it brunch with your besties before moving on.
4 Your Car
Maybe you don’t have anything in your car that reminds you of your ex, but it’s still an area that you’ll want to cleanse before picking up a romantic prospect for a date. Nobody with any self-respect wants to date a slob, and a dirty vehicle is the first warning that you might have cat skeletons buried under stacks of newspapers at home.
5 Underwear drawer
8 Nightstand
6 Closets
9 Media accounts
My boyfriend and I enjoy buying each other sexy underwear for special occasions, but if we ever break up those skivs are going straight to the dumpster. They’re an intimate part of our relationship, and I wouldn’t carry them over into a new one. I’d think about him every time I put them on, which is hardly fair for the new guy I’m trying to entice. It’s sad to see them go, I know — they represent many satisfying experiences — but you’re here to make new ones, however that may work out in the future.
Did your partner leave clothing in your closet? Return them. Are there items they bought you in there? Put ’em in that bin in the attic. You’re not alone here. According to a Nectar Sleep survey, 59 percent of respondents said they do a “fall refresh” to their wardrobes when starting a committed relationship to get rid of previous partners’ favorite sweaters and t-shirts.
7 Medicine cabinet
Toss the toothbrushes, colognes and any other grooming products your ex might have left behind. Keep the expensive skin creams, though; dumpster divers don’t need $90 worth of retinol, son.
There are several life rules I stand by, and one of them is that drawer dildos don’t enter my ass; I don’t know where it’s been, but I know it’s been somewhere, and that’s enough nope for me. If you’re starting a new relationship, clean out your sex drawer so A) you don’t look like a fucc boi with your 27 condoms and half-empty bottles of Gun Oil, and B) you don’t get called out for being a dirtball while your dick is in your hand.
If your breakup wasn’t amicable and you two are prone to agitating each other on social media, take the high road and block your ex for the time being. New dates deserve a fighting chance to connect with you, and that can’t happen if your diverting energy to a toxic situation. Maybe you can ease into being friends after time has passed, maybe not, but a clean break is best if you intend to truly move on. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox
JANUARY 31, 2019 |
BOOKS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 53
Issue 293 | Qsaltlake.com
the bookworm sez REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER
‘THE CHILDREN OF HARVEY MILK: HOW LGBTQ POLITICIANS CHANGED THE WORLD’ BY ANDREW REYNOLDS, C. 2019, OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS, $34.95, 354 PAGES
Your eyes are on 2020. One election is past and thoughts are on the next one: votes equal change, and you’re ready for it. You’ll be the next in a long line of changers, as you’ll see in the new book The Children of Harvey Milk: How LGBTQ Politicians Changed the World by Andrew Reynolds. In the latter part of June, 1978, Harvey Milk, the “Mayor of Castro Street,” called former Army nurse and Castro Street “fixture” Gilbert Baker and asked him to make something special for the upcoming Gay Freedom Parade. At that time, the rainbow flag was “a rebel flag,” but Baker subsumed it into a symbol of pride. By the end of that year, Milk was dead and rainbow flags were still “rare and exotic,” as were openly gay politicians. Just a handful of “LGB” people were in office around the world at that time; it would be years before the first openly transgender individual would be elected. Here, Reynolds tells their stories, and others, worldwide. He begins with a battle in New Zealand’s Parliament that was narrowly-won, followed four years later by marriage equality victory in nearby Australia. He writes of two gay politicians who squared off in Great Britain, noting that laws against buggery were still on the books when they did battle. He also tells of a Dutch politician who, by mere months,
preceded Harvey Milk as the world’s first openly gay man to serve in office. And he shares a story of politics in Ireland, “the first country in the world to pass gay marriage by popular referendum.” Closer to home, Reynolds writes about Barney Frank, his “first political battle” for civil rights in Mississippi, and the “undercelebrated” woman who inspired him. Reynolds recalls the beginning of the AIDS crisis, and what it was like to be active in politics then. He writes of trans politicians Sarah McBride and Danica Roem, and the fierce but highly ironic story of Pauli Murray, whose great-aunt’s land donation helped build a university that ultimately denied bathroom access to trans individuals. If you see The Children of Harvey Milk on a shelf somewhere, you may be confused by the title. No, author Andrew Reynolds isn’t referring to small humans; his title instead refers to babes in political office, worldwide, who happen to be gay. For some readers, that could present problems: fully half of Reynolds’ book is about politics overseas, and some of it won’t make sense unless you have basic knowledge of how other governments work. Without it, you may not fully appreciate the significance of what you’ll read — and if that makes you feel a tinge of regretful isolationism, know that, happily, Reynolds is a good teacher. In it, readers will easily learn, and what they learn is absolutely inspiring. For political animals, this book is an easy choice. For the slightly clueless, it’s a know-your-history book that doesn’t dwell strictly domestically. For a casual reader, it may be challenging but in the end, The Children of Harvey Milk could be the most informative book you’ll lay eyes on. Q
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54 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD
Qsaltlake.com |
Issue 293 | JANUARY 31, 2019
the perils of petunia pap smear
The tale of the ultimate Valentine BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR
The road
to Valentine’s Day is fraught with danger
and excitement. It was a dark and stormy night and I was sitting in the nice, cozy basement of Chateau Pap Smear, sheltered from the blizzard. I was just zoning out watching those hunky twin Property Brothers on HGTV. Drew had just closed on the couple’s dream Fix-er-up-er and Johnathon was revealing the big re-model job to the buyers. I was caught off guard by a commercial for Sherrie’s Berries, followed immediately by an advertisement for Vermont Teddy Bears. Oh! MY! GAWD! It’s Valentine’s Day season again. That most awkward, artificial, contrived, commercial reason that the greeting card companies have guilt us into spending money. According to the National Retail Federation, only about 55 percent of Americans celebrate Valentine’s Day, but those who do will shell out an average of $146.84. Holy crap, Beatrice! That’s a lot of chocolate! I just need to remember that in my etiquette classes, Miss Manners always stressed, “Never eat anything larger than my head.” Every year when I have attempted to give a heart-shaped box of chocolate candy to the object of my affection, I usually was found hiding behind the sofa, having eaten the whole box before delivery. I’ve always been a little bit unclear about the rules of love governing Valentine’s Day, but as close as I can figure out, you try and stab or shoot someone in the
7pm, Jan. 18, Feb. 15, Mar. 15 First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E fb.me/matronsofmayhem
heart. Then you give them roses and chocolate and if they live, you have to survive through six more weeks of American Idol. This brought some memories of my most memorable Valentine ever. Way back in 1999, during the Cretaceous Period, I had purchased a house in Logan. I know, it even had a cement foundation and everything. No more Trailer Trash for this Queen. There is one inevitable event that occurs when a person moves in Utah. If by chance you have been able to slip undetected between the surly bonds of the ward directory, sometimes you can remain, in plain sight, for many years without being noticed. But, If you move to a different address, you draw undue attention to yourself. This became manifest to me, the month after purchasing the house Logan. The deacons came around gathering fast offerings. Silly me, I should have never answered the door. I tried to explain to the boys that I was not a member and that they had the wrong address. Well, wouldn’t you know that the next month, the bishop’s first counselor came along with the fast offering deacons? I carefully explained to the Brother (in my best Blanche Devereaux voice) that it would be best if they just went ahead and removed me from the membership rolls of the church. He said that he would pass that information along to the bishop. Well, the next month I got a phone call from the bishop asking for a meeting. I told him to just go ahead and take my name off of the membership. He said that he couldn’t do that. Finally I had to go and have a meeting with both the bishop and stake president and insist they take my name off the records of the church. They said the only way was to proceed to a church court. They scheduled my church court to be on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 1999. Nothing quite says, “I love you, would you be my Valentine,” like a church excommunication court. I received the following Valentine: Dear “Sister Pap Smear,” This notice is
to inform you that on 14 February, 1999, a disciplinary council was held in your behalf for conduct unbecoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, specifically homosexual relations, which is contrary to the laws and order of the Church. We are saddened that you chose not to attend the council and were not able to feel the love your brethren have for you. We wish to advise you that the decision of the council is that of excommunication from the Church. You are also informed that as a person who has been excommunicated you are no longer a member of the Church. You do not enjoy any blessings of privileges of Church membership. You may not wear temple garments or pay tithes and offerings. This was great! Much better than getting a big heart-shaped box of chocolate. I just got told I could wear sexy, fun underwear of my own choosing, and I got a 10 percent raise in salary at the same time. Well, it seemed like a very good reason to have a party. Quickly, I invited all my friends to my excommunication party. A few years earlier, I was able to purchase some old sacrament trays at Deseret Industries. So I made some lime green Jell-o shots, which I served from the bread trays, and then served some peach Schnapps shots from the water trays. I invited a drag queen friend to perform Annie Lennox’s “Missionary Man,” complete with missionary strippers. Oh and of course, everything was topped off with a large serving of funeral potatoes. This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Do you think if I had just given the deacons some Valentine candy, I could have avoided all this? 2. Does Hallmark have a greeting card for excommunication? 3. If I’m eating a cheese that is larger than my head, is that called head cheese? 4. Should I develop and market excommunication-themed parties? 5. Should I name these parties the Perdition Party Package? 6. Does this give me the title, Outer Darkness Diva? These and other eternal questions shall be answered in future chapters of the Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q
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