QSaltLake Magazine - May 16 2007

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MAY 16, 2007

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ISSUE 78

Coronation XXXII

The 32-year history of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire

Affirmation Celebrates 30 Years Utah Pride Announces Award Winners Falwell’s Death Ends 31-Year Reign of Hate Hate Crime Bill Passes House, Veto Threatened Utah Equality Rider Arrested at Focus on the Family Offices

Mormon Road Shows, Part 2 Crossword and Sudoku Been and Bitched Comics The Gay Agenda

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World and National

Canadian Police Warn Gay Men After Murders

by Anthony Cuesta

Halifax, Nova Scotia — Police in Halifax, Nova Scotia issued a public warning May 11 asking the city’s gay community to be on alert after two gay men were found murdered. “Both victims were gay men who were known to frequent cruising areas in Halifax Regional Municipality,� stated Deputy Chief Chris McNeil of Halifax Regional Police. “We do not know if their sexual orientation or the cruising areas played a factor in their deaths. These circumstances, though, cannot be ruled out as contributing factors. Therefore, we are issuing a public advisory for potential safety concerns in cruising areas.�

The news conference came on the heels of the murders of Michael Paul Knott, 44, of Timberlea and Trevor Charles

Brewster, 45, of Cole Harbour. Both men were reported missing before their bodies were discovered.

An ATV rider found Knott’s body on May 5 in a wooded area in Mill Cove, Lunenburg County. A man collecting recyclables discovered Brewster’s body on May 9 under a boardwalk next to Frenchman Lake in Dartmouth.

Despite the warning, police wouldn’t speculate that a serial killer is targeting gay men. “At this point, we can’t make that conclusion,� McNeil continued. “What I’ve said is that we have sufficient information that has caused us, in the interests of public safety, to make this advisory.�

The Royal Canadian Mountain Police and Halifax Regional Police stated that there are “sufficient similarities� between the two homicides to combine the investigations.

Florida Airport Worker Fired for Playing Anti-Gay Bible Verse

By Anthony Cuesta

Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. — A Florida airport employee got the axe on May 7 for playing an anti-gay message on a terminal intercom, offending a traveling gay couple.

Anthony Niedwiecki and Waymon Hudson

The South Florida Sun-Sentinal reports that Broward County officials said Jethro Monestime, an employee at Fort Lauderdale/Hollywood International Airport, admitted to playing the offensive verse

Human Rights Watch Petitions Anti-Gay Poland New York — In recent years, Polish leaders have threatened criminal sanctions against lesbian and gay activists and organizations, have tried to restrict freedoms of expression and association and have even threatened violence against gay and lesbian marchers.

In an effort to put an end to these anti-gay acts, Human Rights Watch and Campaign Against Homophobia (Kampania Przeciw Homofobii, Poland’s central LGBT group) will present a petition to Polish authorities at Warsaw’s Equality Parade on May 19.

The petition reads, in part: “We urge you and your government to stop your attacks on the human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people.

Such attacks betray Poland’s long, proud record of struggling for human rights.

Upholding equal rights for all will help build a freer future. “Your government has declared it will

Anti-Gay Rally Draws Thousands To Rome

By Anthony Cuesta

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Rome — Hundreds of thousands rallied in Rome, Italy on May 12 to pressure parliament to reject legislation that would grant new rights to unmarried couples.

Organized by lay Catholic groups, the “Family Day� rally drew an unexpected hundreds of thousands of demonstrators.

The draft legislation, which requires parliamentary approval, has divided Italy’s ruling coalition, angered the Catholic church and stirred passionate debate. It would grant legal rights to unmarried couples who live together, including hospital visits and inheritance. It does not, however, legalize gay marriage, as was done in other European countries,

“I knew the day QSaltLake came out with my first ad — I had a call just hours later. —Christian Allred

through the intercom last week as a joke.

The verse from Leviticus 20:13 was broadcast on May 1 throughout the airport. It reads: “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death.�

Anthony Niedwiecki and Waymon Hudson, a gay couple from Oakland Park, had just deplaned from their United Airlines flight from Chicago.

Niedwiecki and Hudson said they felt threatened by the message. “It was dark. There was hardly anybody around,� said Niedwiecki. “This was the last thing we wanted to hear at the airport.�

Monestime’s employer, Superior Aircraft Services, fired him after he confessed. “This action in no way reflects the views of Superior, its owners nor its employees,� the company said in a statement. fire gay teachers, and impose criminal penalties on “anyone who promotes homosexuality or any other deviance of a sexual nature in education establishments.� This blatant violation of basic rights could deprive students of potentially life-saving information about sexuality and about HIV/AIDS. Members of your government have accused organizations working on LGBT people’s human rights of ‘pedophilia,’ and threatened them with criminal investigations. A legislator in your governing coalition said that gays who demonstrate “should be bashed with a baton.� In 2004 and 2005, when mayor of Warsaw, you yourself tried to ban Gay Pride marches, saying that “public promotion of homosexuality will not be allowed. Your words and actions have contributed to a climate where violence against LGBT people is tolerated — or even encouraged. Such words and acts threaten democracy.�

To read the rest of the petition and to sign, visit hrw.org.

such as Spain.

Demonstrators from across Italy began pouring into the massive St. John Lateran piazza in the morning. They were entertained by singers, speakers and a brief video featuring the late John Paul II, the beloved pontiff who died in 2005, in a 1988 speech about the need to protect family. “With this demonstration, we wanted to give a signal. It must not be a sporadic event, but it must contribute to dialogue and help (people) understand family must be protected,� said Emanuele Cirillo, 27. “The family is in danger because the more freedom and options you allow in creating other unions outside the natural family made of a husband and a wife with children, the more society itself dissolves,� another participant, William Bergamini told Reuters.

By the end of the day, as many as 1.5 million people had shown up. Police, however, did not give a final estimate.

The bill’s critics say the legislation would dismantle the traditional family by offering an alternative model. Supporters argue that the bill would make Italy a more civilized nation by recognizing the basic rights of people who live outside marriage and organized a counter-rally in Rome.

Gay Foe Jerry Falwell Dies a Christian I feel that role modelling the gay lifestyle is damaging to the moral lives of children.”

Following the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington in 2001 Falwell declared that gays and pro choice advocates were to blame.

Speaking on the 700 Club religious program Falwell said, “The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen’.”

In 2003 Falwell announced that he was putting aside everything to devote his time to passage of a federal constitutional ban on gay marriage.

“I am dedicating my talents, time and energies over the next few years to the passage of an amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which will protect the traditional family from its enemies who wish to legalize same-sex marriage and other diverse “family” forms,” Falwell said.

In the 2004 election campaign he worked with Republicans to use same-sex marriage as a wedge issue.

A week after the November election he announced he was organizing battle plans for what he called an “evangelical revolution.” Falwell said that the election showed that Americans want to return to “traditional values.”

He promised to roll back gay rights laws in communities across the country.

Navy Re-Enlists Openly Gay Sailor

Linguist in Navy Intelligence, and received awards for exemplary service,” he wrote in a letter to the newspaper Stars & Stripes that appeared May 7. “However, because I was gay, the Navy discharged me and recouped my $13,000 sign-on bonus. Nine months later, the Navy recalled me to active duty. Did I accept despite everything that happened? Of course I did, and I would do it again. Because I love the Navy and I love my country. And ... my shipmates support me.”

In fact, many of Knight’s colleagues spoke out in support of him. “He’s better than the average sailor at his job,” Bill Driver, the leading petty officer of Knight’s 15-person customs crew in Kuwait, said. “It’s not at all a strange situation. As open as he is now, it was under wraps for quite a while. It wasn’t an issue at work.”

“Like Petty Officer Knight, an increasing number of lesbian and gay troops are being welcomed by their colleagues in the armed forces,” said Greer. “It is long past time for official policy to reflect the changing attitudes within the military.

Commanders do not want to lose good people to this law and service members do not care if the men and women they work alongside happen to be gay. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell serves no useful purpose and should be repealed.”

Petty Officer Knight’s current orders call for him to be on active duty until June. Knight said that he wants to complete that service and is even looking for ways to return to active duty full time, perhaps through the officers candidate school.

WASHINGTON D.C. — The U.S. Navy has called an openly gay sailor back to active duty after dismissing him under the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban on lesbian, gay and bisexual personnel.

Petty Officer Jason Knight came out to his command and was subsequently discharged from the Navy in 2005. After being recalled to active duty, Knight is now finishing a scheduled one-year tour in Kuwait with Naval Customs Battalion Bravo. Service members discharged under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell are not allowed to return to the services. The Navy has declined to comment on the case.

“Petty Officer Knight’s story shatters the myth that openly gay troops undermine unit cohesion or morale,” Sharra E. Greer, director of law and policy for Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, said in a release. “The Pentagon knows full well that lesbians and gays are good service members. If military leaders believe otherwise, then they need to explain why gay troops are being called back to active duty and sent to the frontlines.

SLDN applauds the Navy for recognizing Knight’s talent and qualification. Now the time has come to allow every gay service member to serve openly, and to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

Knight is now serving openly, and sees no reason to hide his sexual orientation.

“I spent four years in the Navy, buried fallen service members as part of the Ceremonial Guard, served as a Hebrew

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LYNCHBURG, VA. — The Rev. Jerry Falwell, the television evangelist who founded the Moral Majority and used it to mold the religious right into a political force, was found unconscious in his office at Liberty University.

He was rushed to a hospital where he died about an hour later. He was 73.

Falwell survived two serious health Rev. Jerry Falwell scares in early 2005. He was hospitalized for two weeks with what was described as a viral infection, then hospitalized again a few weeks later after going into respiratory arrest.

Falwell had a long history of opposing gay rights.

In 1976 he, along with Anita Bryant, led the charge against gay adoption in Florida leading to the most repressive anti-gay adoption law in the United States.

After Ellen Degeneres came out as a lesbian, he referred to her in a sermon as “Ellen DeGenerate.” Ellen responded: “Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I’ve been getting that since the fourth grade.”

In 1999, his National Liberty Journal warned parents that Tinky Winky, a purple, purse-toting character on television’s “Teletubbies’’ show, was a gay role model and morally damaging to children.

“He is purple — the gay-pride color; and his antenna is shaped like a triangle — the gay-pride symbol,” Falwell wrote.

He said later that the show’s depictions of homosexuality were intentional. “As

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News

National & Regional

Utah Equality Rider, Girlfriend Arrested at Focus on the Family

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLO. — At 11:00 a.m. on May 11, Amanda Harris, 22, of Conway, Ark., and Kourt Osborn, 21, of Kanab, Utah, entered Focus on the Family headquarters during a regularly scheduled tour. Once inside, they spoke to fellow visitors about their experiences as a lesbian and a transgender man, and they held a sit-in to raise public awareness about the organization’s defamation of Kourt Osborne lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans. They were arrested for trespassing at approximately 12:30 p.m., processed at a nearby facility, and then released.

The sit-in, which is the third action in an ongoing campaign called “Focus on the Facts,” coincided with Focus on the Family’s summit on orphan care.

Although summit materials speak of “unity in the Body of Christ for the sake of the orphan,” the organization’s politics on adoption and foster care have historically excluded gays and lesbians. Most recently, in his April 19 broadcast, Dobson urged Colorado citizens to pressure the governor to veto HB 1330, the Second Parent Adoption Bill which would allow two unmarried adults to adopt chidlren.

James Dobson and his colleagues have consistently portrayed gay families and individuals as dangerous, sinful, and undeserving of equal protection under the

law — portrayals they often bolster with misleading references to social science research. In recent months, several social scientists including Dr. Carol Gilligan of New York University and Dr. Kyle Pruett of Yale have publicly rebuked Dobson for mischaracterizing their research conclusions.

“The misinformation that Focus on the Family employs does not create or defend a stronger family, it instead creates barriers and breaks apart families across the country, including my own,” says Osborn.

Focus on the Facts calls on Dobson to take a step toward reconciliation with the gay community by ceasing his misleading statements about social science research on gay families. Focus on the Facts also aims to intervene in Dobson and Focus on the Family’s representations of lesbian and gay families through an ongoing campaign of civil disobedience modeled on Gandhi’s nonviolent “Satyagraha” movement. In the words of Nelson Mandela, Gandhi “believed in the efficacy of pitting the soul force of the Satyagraha against the brute force of the oppressor and in effect converting the oppressor to the right and moral point.”

The Focus on the Facts campaign is coordinated by Soulforce, a national gay social justice organization founded on principles of nonviolence. For more than a decade, members and allies of Soulforce have confronted Focus on the Family’s anti-gay rhetoric and publicized its harmful impact on the lives of individuals, parents and children.

For more information visit soulforce.org.

Colorado Springs Wants to Improve Anti-Gay Reputation COLORADO SPRINGS, COLO. — Some of Colorado Springs’ residents have had enough of the city’s anti-gay reputation.

That became especially apparent last month when a debate erupted over whether or not Colorado Springs’ City Council should waive some fees in support of a cultural festival the city’s Diversity Forum will hold in August.

Some officials objected to the routine request because the event will include gay and lesbian groups.

When Diversity Forum representatives first approached the city in April, council member Darryl Glenn said, according to The Colorado Springs Independent, “I’ll be blunt — what I see happening is an expansion of the definition of marriage. And a display of an event like that, that’s a political issue.”

Two of Glenn’s colleagues on the council — Margaret Radford and Tom Gallagher — expressed similar discomfort to the event. “When a large portion of this community does not support gay and lesbian viewpoints, I don’t see us putting tax dollars into supporting that direction,” Radford, told the Colorado Springs Business Journal.

For Jay Patel, a member of the

Diversity Forum, the situation needed a response. “We thought, ‘Enough is enough,”’ Patel told the Denver Post, “and members of our group showed up in force.”

That apparently did the trick, as the council eventually voted unanimously to support the diversity fair — though not before some of them expressed “reservations about certain people who might want to ‘advance their agenda’.”

That change of heart was a hopeful sign of things to come for Patel and other members of the Diversity Forum, though it seems some of the city’s business leaders believe a more thorough turnaround on the part of the City Council is going to be needed for Colorado Springs’ image to be fully rehabilitated.

“This kind of crap makes news nationally, just because it happens in Colorado Springs,” one business owner said recently. “And don’t think that companies who might want to relocate or people who might want to move here and start a company don’t hear about it.”

“I have to apologize for Colorado Springs every day,” another business owner added. “We have such an awful national image.”

HRC President Joe Solmonese; Rep. Christopher Shays, R-Conn., and Judy Shepard walking to the Capitol before the U.S. House of Representatives voted on the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act.

Hate Crimes Bill Passes House WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. House of Representatives today voted to pass the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, H.R. 1592, in a vote of 237 to 180.

The proposed legislation, which has the endorsement of 230 law enforcement, civil rights, civic and religious organizations and the support of 73 percent of the American people, was introduced in March by Reps. John Conyers, D-Mich., and Mark Kirk, R-Ill., along with more than 100 other members of Congress.

The Senate will soon consider an identical companion bill called the Mathew Shepard Act. “This is a historic day that moves all Americans closer to safety from the scourge of hate violence,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. “Today, legislators sided with the 73 percent of the American people who support the expansion of hate crimes laws to include sexual orientation and gender identity.”

“I am personally grateful to the United States House for recognizing the grave reality of hate crimes in America,” said Judy Shepard, Executive Director of the Matthew Shepard Foundation.

Each year, thousands of Americans are violently attacked just because they are black, female, Christian, or gay. According to the FBI, 25 Americans each day are victims of hate crimes - that means approximately one hate crime is committed every hour. One in six hate crimes are motivated by the victim’s sexual orientation.

Specifically, the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act would strengthen the ability of federal, state and local governments to investigate and prosecute hate crimes based on race, religion, color, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, disability and gender identity.

It would strengthen state and local efforts by enabling the Justice Department to assist in the investigation and prosecution of hate crimes. The bill will also provide grants to help state and local governments meet the extraordinary expenses involved in hate crime cases.

At the federal level, the LLEHCPA would eliminate the outdated intent re-

quirement in current law that prevents the Justice Department from working with state and local officials in the investigation and prosecution of hate crimes.

It would allow the federal government to step in when needed, but only after the department has certified that a federal prosecution is necessary.

The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act would strengthen the ability of law enforcement officials to investigate and prosecute hate crimes by: Protecting All Americans. Under the current federal law, enacted nearly 40 years ago, the government has the authority to help investigate and prosecute bias-motivated attacks based on race, color, national origin and religion and because the victim was attempting to exercise a federally protected right. For example, authorities became involved in a Salt Lake City case where James Herrick set fire to a Pakistani restaurant on Sept. 13, 2001. Herrick was sentenced to 51 months’ incarceration on Jan. 7, 2002, after pleading guilty to violating 18 U.S.C. § 245.

However, under current law, the federal government is not able to help in cases where women, gay, transgender or disabled Americans are victims of bias-motivated crimes for who they are.

For example, in Texas, in July 2005, four men brutally assaulted a gay man. While punching and kicking him, whipping him with a vacuum chord and assaulting him with daggers, the offenders told the victim that they attacked him because he was gay. Two of the men were sentenced to six years in prison under a plea bargain that dropped the charges that could have sent them to prison for life. Under this bill, federal authorities would have had the jurisdiction to prosecute the crime or could have provided local authorities resources that might have assisted them in pursuing a longer sentence.

A wide coalition of national organizations has called for the passage of the LLEHCPA legislation. Some of those supporting this legislation include: the National Sheriffs Association, the International Association of Chiefs of Police, 26 state attorneys general and the National District Attorneys Association.

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News

National & Regional

Soulforce Equality Ride Ends Minneapolis, Minn.â&#x20AC;&#x201D; On April 26, 2007, 52 Soulforce Equality Riders bid farewell to the buses that served as their surrogate homes for eight weeks on the road.

Emblazoned with the slogan â&#x20AC;&#x153;Faith Forward Social Justice for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender People,â&#x20AC;? the two buses carried these young adults to 32 Christian colleges on two separate routes. They began and ended in Minneapolis, but traveled as far as the Pacific Northwest and the Deep South on their mission to start conversations about faith, sexuality and inclusion.

Although the buses have stopped roll-

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ing, the impact of the 2007 Equality Ride is still unfolding.

All the colleges on the 2007 Equality Ride have policies that silence or exclude lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students. But while discrimination is the common thread, the schools exhibited a wide variety of responses to the Equality Ridersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; invitation to create public dialogue about the experiences of gay students.

Negotiations with prospective schools began last October. Some schools welcomed the Ridersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; diverse perspectives, some set narrow limitations on the Ridersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; campus access, and others went so far as to ban them from campus.

In the end, the Riders suffered more than 100 trespassing arrests on both routes in their attempts to create dialogue on campuses. Although the arrests provide one indicator of the Ridersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; commitment, the Rideâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lasting

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date or discriminate against students.

The change is a long time coming and involved the voices of students who, as they tell us, were galvanized by our stop there last year.â&#x20AC;?

Impacts on individual hearts and minds will continue to develop long after the Equality Riders have returned home. Student newspapers continue to cover students who have come out in the wake of the Equality Ride. In cities across America, hundreds of people have now engaged in conversations about sexuality and faith because their churches, student groups and equality organizations joined Riders for meals, community service projects and public presentations.

At the Ridersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;Welcome Homeâ&#x20AC;? service in Mankato, Minn., the mother of a straight student from Bethany Lutheran College approached Herrin. â&#x20AC;&#x153;As she cried, she told me that she was so disappointed in how they responded by arresting 10 Equality Riders. Her son came home from school that day to tell her he was transferring because he was so disgusted.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;As long as these schools, like Bethany Lutheran, continue to discriminate, they will have to face the consequences.

Financially, spiritually and socially, they cannot turn away from the suffering they create,â&#x20AC;? Herrin said.

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impact at the schools can be measured in other ways: â&#x20AC;˘ Six of the schools on this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s route have new gay-straight alliances. â&#x20AC;˘ An unofficial LGBT support group at Pepperdine University has been granted a new hearing on achieving official group status. â&#x20AC;˘ At Baylor University, students have started a petition asking the institution to review its policy on â&#x20AC;&#x153;homosexual behavior.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;˘ At the University of Notre Dame, the gay and lesbian alumni network has called for a boycott on giving to their alma mater. â&#x20AC;˘ Seattle and New York City proclaimed April 11 and April 14, respectively, as the official Soulforce Equality Ride 2007 Day. â&#x20AC;˘ Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, changed its policy during the course of the Equality Ride. The revised policy clarifies that the university will respond to â&#x20AC;&#x153;homosexual behavior rather than to feelings or orientation.â&#x20AC;?

The previous policy had condemned â&#x20AC;&#x153;homosexual behavior, whether implicit or explicit.â&#x20AC;?

According to Equality Ride Codirector Haven Herrin, who organized the BYU school stop during the 2006 Equality Ride, â&#x20AC;&#x153;the policy change is a step forward. The Honor Code Office has more checks on its power to intimi-

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;I only advertise in QSaltLake and I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe the response Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gotten. Thanks QSaltLake.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Aaron Green, Utah Satellite

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a

celebration for everyone united for equality

1-3 June

Washington & Library Squares

Utah Pride is the largest GLBT event in the Wasatch Front with over 20,000 people per day in downtown Salt Lake City celebrating the diversity of our community with family and friends.

Pride Film Festival Grand Marshal Reception Pride Interfaith Service Dyke March • Pride Dance • Pride Parade

3

Pride Festival Days

2

june

PRIDE FESTIVAL ALL DAY PRIDE DANCE with

entertainment by

En Vogue

1

june

GRAND MARSHAL RECEPTION grand marshal John Amaechi

entertainment by

Sheena Easton

3

june

PRIDE PARADE with grand marshal

John Amaechi leading the way!

PRIDE FESTIVAL all day long

www.utahpride.org

to get involved or find out more information about this year’s pride, visit

Local News

Utah Pride Announces Community Awards Attorney Doug Fadel and Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson have been named

by Utah Pride organizers as winners of two of the community’s most prestigious awards.

Anderson was awarded the 2007 Pete Suazo Political Action Award as a “strong and vocal advocate for GLBT equality,” according to organizers.

Fadel was awarded the Dr. Kristen Ries Community Service Award for his role in founding and leading the Queer Utah Aquatics Club (QUAC) — one of the largest and most active groups in the state.

Pride organizaers recognized Anderson for his leadership in progressing the rights of gays and lesbians in the city.

In his first month in office in 2000, Anderson laid an important Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson foundation for equality when he executed an executive order to protect gay and lesbian city employees against discrimination. That order recently became a city ordinance when codified by the Salt Lake City Council.

In 2005, Anderson implemented a domestic partner benefits package for Salt Lake City employees. That action triggered a court case challenging the implications of Utah’s Constitution Amendment 2 and a municipality’s ability to provide such benefits.

Representatives from various gay and lesbian political /advocacy organizations — including the Stonewall Democrats, Log Cabin Republicans, Utah Pride Center, Human Rights Campaign and Equal-

SWIMMING Tu & Th: 7pm - 8pm Su: 11am-12pm Fairmont Aquatic Center 1044 E. Sugarmont Dr. (approx. 2200 South) QUAC members are also welcome at Utah Master’s practices which are held several times througout the week. See www.utahmasters.org for a schedule.

WATER POLO We: 7:00pm to 8:00pm Steiner West Indoor Pool 855 West California Ave (1280 South)

To purchase tickets or find additional information visit www.utahpride.org. Recipients will also be honored on Sunday, June 3 at the Utah Pride Festival Parade.

Su: Noon to 1:30pm Fairmont Aquatic Center 1044 E. Sugarmont Dr. (2225 South) Salt Lake City

Two-time Grammy Award-winner Sheena Easton will kick off the 2007 Utah Pride Festival: United for Equality with her performance, “An Evening with Sheena Easton” at 8:00 p.m. on Friday, June 1 on the festival grounds main stage.

Easton’s 1980 debut, the single “Morning Train”, topped Billboard Magazine’s Hot 100 and Adult Contemporary charts.

A year later, she appeared in the opening credits of the James Bond film For Your Eyes Only singing the movie’s titular song (for which she was nominated for an Academy Award). She is the the only artist to have done this in the entire Bond series.

“Consistent with the overall agenda of this year’s festival, a Celebration for Everyone, having Sheena Eston as the opening headliner for Friday night is a perfect fit,” said Terry Mitchell Nani, Utah Pride Festival Director. “She has an amazing range of musical appeal and a wide fan base — making her show a treat for all

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who attend. Clearly, I’m very excited.”

Other celebrities appearing at the three-day event include Festival Grand Marshall former NBA Utah Jazz player John Amaechi and the 90’s R&B quartet En Vogue, who will perform on the main stage at 8:00 p.m., June 2.

For more information or to order tickets visit utahpride.org.

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“I only advertise in QSaltLake and I can’t believe the response I’ve gotten.

Thanks QSaltLake.”

—A G ,U S ARON

REEN

TAH

ATELLITE

M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7  I S S U E 7 8  Q S A LT L A K E  11

Queer Utah Aquatics Club Practice Schedule

ity Utah — selected Mayor Anderson for the award.

Fadel is the co-founder of QUAC — Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and straight swimming team which also offers water polo and divin. QUAC is an inclusive organization QUAC Co-Founder Doug Fadel that Fadel nurtured for twelve years into one of the strongest gay athletic organizations in the country.

Fadel, an estate planning attorney, continues to serve the gay community in many capacities and is, according to Pride organizers, “an excellent example of the difference that one committed individual can make in the life of a community.”

Previous Kristen Ries Award recipients selected Fadel for the award.

“The winners of these awards inspire and challenge all of us to reach for the goals and ideals we most cherish,” said Terry Nani, Utah Pride Festival Director.

“Their determined stand against intolerance and discrimination and their ongoing efforts to open doors for equality are truly deserving of recognition.”

The awards will be presented at Utah Pride’s annual Grand Marshal Reception, featuring John Amaechi as the 2007 Utah Pride Festival Grand Marshal, on Friday, June 1. Tickets to this event are $100 and include entry to all Utah Pride Festival activities.

Sheena Easton to Perform at Utah Pride

12  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 7 8  M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7

Local News

Affirmation To Celebrate 30th Year

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@qsaltlake.com

For many of Utah’s gay and lesbian members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, turning thirty is a joyous occasion ... provided it’s their organization you’re talking about.

The Salt Lake City chapter of Affirmation, an organization devoted to gay and lesbian Mormons and their friends and family, will mark the big 3-0 with an evening of dance, drama, art, speakers and music on Sunday, May 27 from 5:00-8:00 p.m. at the Holladay United Church of Christ. Attending artists include Leraine Horstmanshoff, Mark Packer, Mike Green, Scott Mills and Trevor Southey. In true Mormon tradition, there will also be a potluck dinner.

Although the event will be a celebration, it will also commemorate Affirmation’s long and sometimes difficult journey from its beginnings as a BYU student group to the international organization it is today.

Affirmation/Gay Mormons United was created on the weekend of June 10, 1977 during the Salt Lake Conference on Human Rights by gay and lesbian BYU students who contended that the Mormon church’s anti-gay policies of the day were responsible for rising suicide statistics among its members. Some of the students, such as founder Stephan Zakharias (who started the organization under the pseudonym Matthew Price) had undergone church-sponsored electroshock therapy to ‘cure’ their homosexuality and

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had even lost gay friends to suicide.

“We have said, ‘We’ve had enough.’

Gay people are not second-class citizens.

We are children of God. We are important people and we have just as much worth as our heterosexual brothers and sisters in the church,” Zakharias announced at the time. Over the next year, Affirmation chapters would be founded in several large cities, including Dallas, Denver and San Francisco, the latter of these chapters being one of the most active and dynamic in the organization. For many years, it was not just the only organization offering support to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and interesexed Mormons, but one of the only ones to offer support to Utah’s queer commuity at all. It’s founding preceeded the Utah AIDS Foundation (founded 1985) and the Utah Stonewall Center (1986).

The 30th Anniversary celebration will include several speakers from the organization, including Alyson Bolles, Senior Assistant Director, who will speak about Affirmation’s international expansion.

Writer and historian Connell O’Donovan, a founder of Queer Nation Utah and the Radical Faerie Circle of Salt Lake and the author of the award-wining essay

about gays and Mormonism “Stumbling Towards Zion.”

In this essay, O’Donovan sums up several of Affirmation’s goals.

“I firmly believe that somehow, in an ironic twist of fate, we Queer folks are in fact angels, here to test the hospitality of the ‘cities of the plain’,” O’Donovan writes, referencing the Biblical cities of Sodom and Gommorah scholars now believe were destroyed for the sin of inhospitality rather than homosexuality.

“Although it is a religion based on angelic restoration, Mormonism is unable and unwilling to see that it is “entertaining angels” in its very midst. Instead of embracing us and the wondrous gifts of spirit we bring to the Feast, Mormon leaders ... exile us to the terrible wastelands of Sodom. Yet somehow out of the ashes of our pain, I know we can till this forsaken soil with our passion; we can sow it with the seeds of our stories, water it with our tears and our very blood if need be.”

Invitation to share stories of service -of saving lives, and giving hope.

In preparation for the anniversary celebration, Affirmation also invites past and present members to share their stories about how the organization helped them or how they helped Affirmation save lives and give hope to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex people from a Mormon background.

Some of these stories will be used at the May 27 celebration and others will be used in a presentation commemorating the anniversary at the annual Sunstone Symposium this August.

By providing friendship and an open space to dialogue, Affirmation seeks to meet the social and spiritual needs of persons experiencing frustration or alienation from family, friends and the Mormon Church because of their sexual orientation. It is also open to the friends and family of gay church members, gay and straight, Mormon and non-Mormon.

The Salt Lake City chapter usually meets on the first and third Sundays of each Month at 5:00 p.m.

For more information, contact 468-6977 or visit affirmation.org. Personal stories should be sent either by email to AffirmationSLC@aol.com or by mail to Affirmation Salt Lake Chapter, P.O. Box 521106, SLC UT 84152.

Community Briefs Utah Arts Festival Needs Volunteers The Utah Arts Festival is looking for over 1000 volunteers to help build, run and tear down the event.

They are needed from Friday, June 15 through Wednesday, June 20 for the event’s set up, and from Thursday, June 21 through Thursday, June 21 through Sunday, June 24 for various projects like the Art Yard, the beer, wine and soda booths, and the Art Attack. Volunteers are also needed to tear down the Festival Monday, June 25 through Tuesday, June 26. Volunteer shifts are usually three to four hours.

All volunteers will receive free festival admission (for the day they work), one volunteer t-shirt and one free soda voucher.

The Utah Arts Festival runs June 21-24 at Library Square.

For more information and descriptions about the volunteer jobs, please visit uaf.org and click on the ‘volunteer’ link.

sWerve to Hold Volunteer Party sWerve, a lesbian-focused civic and social organization providing social and fund-raising opportunities for women, is holding a party for all past, current and potential volunteers at the Utah Pride Center’s multi-purpose room on May 19 at 7 pm.

At the party, sWerve will provide information about upcoming volunteer opportunities such at Utah Pride and the RedRock Women’s Music Festival as well as the organization’s new sWerveateer program where participants can earn free admission to sWerve events (including exclusive volunteer-only bonus events) and more.

Hotel Monaco and Bambara To Hold Pride Party Hotel Monaco and Bambara invite members of the gay community and straight allies to attend the first annual Pink Party on Thursday, May 31 from 5:00 to 7:00 p.m. The event is sponsored

by Pravda Vodka and benefits the Utah AIDS Foundation. The Pink Party is Hotel Monaco’s thank-you to the local gay community. Participants will enjoy themed cocktails and Bambara appetizers among friends at Salt Lake City’s “hippest hotel.” All proceeds will be donated to the Utah AIDS Foundation. The suggested donation is $10. Hotel Monaco is located at 15 W. 200 South.

For more information or to RSVP, contact Brad Underwood at Brad.underwood@ hotelmonaco.com

SAVE THE DATE!

For more information about sWerve, visit swerveutah.com

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Opinion

Mountain Meadows Mascara A Ward Show

by Ruby Ridge, ruby@qsaltlake.com

So Petals, I have great news! The Cyber Sluts won a City Weekly Best of Utah Award and we couldn’t be more thrilled! Yes I know that there is some residual resentment over the proprietary use of “The Best of….” between City Weekly and Q, but what the hell… we’re winners baby!!! [Editor’s Note: Oh, Jeez. We’ve forgotten all about that. Water, bridges, bygones, yada yada yada.]

We won “The Best Reason to go back to Church” Award for our monthly bingo fundraiser at the First Baptist Church.

I couldn’t stop giggling at our category because it wasn’t “the Best Reason to go to Church” it was the “Best Reason to GO BACK to Church.” I don’t know why that struck me as soooo damn funny but I thought it was great.

So in an act of sheer bravado, we glammed up and went to the Awards gig at heterosexual ground zero (a.k.a… the Port o Call). The place was awash in the local artsy-alternative crowd, business

Guest Editorial Goodbye Falwell and Thanks

by Marc Adams

heartstrong@heartstrong.org

Twenty years after I watched friend after friend outed and expelled from Liberty University for being gay or lesbian, I feel hope. Twenty-two years after watching my friend Denise doubled over and dissolved in tears after being kicked out of Liberty University for getting pregnant, I feel peace.

Twenty-three years after watching my Old Testament Survey professor committing adultery with his sister-in-law on more than one occasion and virtually getting away with it, I feel honest.

Most people knew Jerry Falwell only by what they saw of him in the media.

Most thinking people viewed him as a radical fundamentalist Baptist who spewed biblical venom for anything he perceived his god perceived as sin.

These included, but of course were not limited to, women’s rights, women’s role in the church, homosexuality, gambling, drug abuse, alcohol consumption, secular pop/rock music and a horde of other no-no’s.

First, he wasn’t that radical. While many people identifying as Christian don’t see things the way he did, millions more do. In fact, the basis of his religious beliefs and theology are embraced by them, i.e., the Virgin birth, the Trinity, the physical resurrection of Jesus, his imminent return and the inerrancy of scripture.

Second, he wasn’t a fundamentalist, he was a neo-evangelical. Which is why people like my parents and true funda-

mentalists like Fred Phelps viewed him and people like him as left wing liberals.

I spent three and a half years as a student and employee at Jerry’s university. I left during the middle of my senior year, not necessarily because I was gay, but mostly because I had begun my personal journey to wholeness and peace by challenging my fundamentalist Baptist Christian beliefs.

Over and over again, I found myself in pain for my friends. So many people that I knew struggled to survive in an environment that taught women they were to be submissive to men and gay and lesbian people that they were giving the devil pleasure by thinking about selfacceptance instead of self-hatred.

Bisexual and transgender issues were never discussed, since most evangelicals do not see them as actual issues. This is mostly because they see the Bible from a male/female point of view. However, this certainly doesn’t mean that bisexual and transgender people are not attending these schools.

After a few years of seeing friends and others devastated by the theology of Jerry’s Thomas Road Baptist Church and Liberty University, I began to question the things that I was taught as truth.

Too many tears, broken spirits and lives forced me to choose my path. I could choose to continue the legacy of hatred, intimidation and shame laid out for me, or I could choose to break the chains.

In doing so, I could help provide healing to those devastated not just by Jerry Falwell, but by the millions who perpetrate the same physical and emotional life-ending message of self-hatred.

I chose the latter.

And my life has never been the same.

For the first time in my life, I found personal peace which gave me the courage, in 1996, to begin the work of HeartStrong. Out of respect for my friends who committed physical and emotional suicide and out of hope for my friends still stuck in restorative therapy, I founded HeartStrong as a way to provide hope and help to the countless gay, lesbian,

bisexual and transgender students persecuted at religious educational institutions in the United States and around the world.

Jerry acknowledged that in a room full of people, a homosexual can pick out the other homosexual in that room. I had never heard of gaydar before but as soon as he said that, I knew I had always had it. It was one of the things that eventually helped me in my self-acceptance process.

Had I not grown up in the ridiculous home I did and had I not attended Jerry’s university and worked for him, I doubt I would care at all about my GLBT brothers and sisters struggling to survive in these schools. Jerry’s hatred for what he calls the sin of homosexuality provided me with the inspiration and the ongoing energy needed to continue to provide hope and help to those injured by his former belief system.

His evangelical university and church was also a stepping stone for me to escape my self-hatred brought on by my fundamentalist Baptist Christian beliefs and eventually find true personal peace as a Unitarian.

Jerry Falwell taught me that the greatest thing a Christian could do to show god how much you loved him, was to die for what you believe. (Where else do we hear this theology?) Well, now that Jerry has died, perhaps others can learn how unimportant the things are that he thought were so important and how important the things are that he never was able to experience.

So, thanks Jerry, for the inspiration. It was your persecution of me, people like me and every girl I ever knew at your schools that empowers HeartStrong to help heal the scars from the wounds you inflicted.

HeartStrong (heartstrong.org) is a nonsectarian organization established to provide outreach to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and other persons adversely affected by the influence of all denominations of religious educational institutions.

owners, aging hipsters, and local celebrity media types, and might I say it was just delightful. Most of the guests were very welcoming and festive (except Rod Decker … who was in a particularly dour mood) and we had a great time.

FYI … the petit fours and pastries from The Bakery … TO DIE FOR! Do yourself a favor and go grab a dozen or two. I promise I won’t tell your trainer!

Anyway, darlings, Holly Mullen came barreling over to say “Hi.” She’s the new editor at City Weekly. She must be soooo relieved to get off the Singleton Plantation … ooooh sorry, I mean The Salt Lake Tribune. Let’s face it, her honest opinions and analysis fit the Trib like I fit in a thong. Eeeewww! [Editor’s Note: Eeeww!]

I should give big kudos to her replacement, Rebecca Walsh, though. She’s definitely in there kicking ass and taking names, so good for her! What is it with us fags and strong-willed women? We just

Let’s face it, Holly Mullen’s honest opinions and analysis fit the Trib like I fit in a thong.

Eeeewww!

love em! But I digress…

The great thing about Mullen and Walsh (and people like Greta and John De Jong at Catalyst, and a bunch of other indie folks that I admire [Editor’s Note: and me!]) is that they can actually research and write and not just blurt out opinions like I do. In this age where everyone has a blog, a MySpace page, and an opinion about everything, it is so vital that someone is actually gathering real news. Take a gawk at any of the “news” channels and you quickly realize that 99% of their air-time is speculation, opinion, or merely rehashing 30 seconds worth of a story into six hours of programming. From a business perspective it’s cheaper to promote personalities (Hannity, O’Reilly’ Novak or whomever) than maintain news bureaus and staffing them with investigative journalists that do the real and expensive leg work of gathering news.

Anyway Peaches, despite their publisher being a bit of a diva (allegedly), the City Weekly Best of Utah Awards do something I completely approve of. By including staff choice awards and broad categories, they try to promote the small businesses, independent thinkers, and unique things in our community that make Salt Lake City interesting, and I say more power to them! And I for one can’t wait to see what direction Holly takes the City Weekly in.

Ciao Babies!

Ruby Ridge is one of the more opinionated members of the Utah Cyber Sluts, a Camp Drag group of performers who raise funds and support local charities. Her opinions are her own and fluctuate wildly. She is loving this years strawberry season!

Guest Editorial Affirmation Turns 30

by Connell Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Donovan

Thirty years ago the nation was in political turmoil on two fronts. Gay rights and Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Liberation were sweeping the country with newfound vigor, only to be shored up by the Christian right. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, through the well-organized efforts of the Relief Society, began a full assault on the Equal Rights Amendment, while Anita Bryant, the citrus queen of Florida, launched her anti-gay â&#x20AC;&#x153;Save Our Childrenâ&#x20AC;? crusade.

Locally, Brigham Young University psychology faculty had been engaged

Queer Gnosis Eco-Queer Revolution

By Troy Williams troy@qsaltlake.com

ence planners for the Salt Lake Coalition for Human Rights (comprised mostly of Socialists and Libertarians) promoted the founding of Affirmation: Gay Mormons United (or simply GMU) on June 11.

From those small and humble beginnings has grown an international support group that has helped hundreds of thousands of GLBT Mormons find relief from the pain and fear imposed upon them by misinformed LDS church leaders.

On May 27, I will return to Salt Lake City to speak on these early beginnings and envision the future of the invaluable and necessary role of Affirmation in our society. I hope that my address, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Affirmation: Singing the Songs of Our Redemption,â&#x20AC;? will inspire all LGBT Mormons, ex-Mormons and our friends, families and allies to speak our truths about the gay Mormon experience with dignity, integrity and courage.

patriarchal domination and exploitation of women by men as the prototype of all domination and exploitation in the various hierarchical, militaristic, capitalist and industrialist forms â&#x20AC;Ś the exploitation of nature, in particular, has gone hand in hand with that of women, who have been identified with nature through the ages.â&#x20AC;? (Capra, The Web of Life, p. 9).

War, terrorism and gross poverty are all justified by the dominator narrative.

This old way of thinking has separated us from nature and from each other.

Environmental activist Lester Brown is on the forefront of advancing a new story. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The challenge is not to provide a high-tech military response to terrorism, but to build a global society that is environmentally sustainable and equitable â&#x20AC;&#x201D; one that restores hope for everyone.

Such an effort would more effectively undermine the support for terrorism than any increase in military expenditures.â&#x20AC;?

(Brown, Plan B 2.0, p. 259). Our choice today is either conflict or co-operation, domination or partnership.

Queers have traditionally been despised by dominator hierarchies.

Right wing churches, the military and the GOP are fundamentally threatened by us because we enter into sexual and familial unions that donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t replicate their dominator template. We endanger their â&#x20AC;&#x153;traditionalâ&#x20AC;? family values of subjugation, repression and patriarchy. Hence, they will always hate us. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why I have no interest in being part of â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or seeking acceptance from â&#x20AC;&#x201D; any of them.

The military, the Republicans and the church can keep their Kevlar vestments.

Gays will never experience justice in a nation that is committed to dominating the world through force. Empire and Equality are not compatible.

Thankfully, a new planetary consciousness is emerging. The rising generation is embracing a holistic global world view. We are exchanging our fragmented identity politics for a new universal paradigm that will protect all humansâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; fundamental rights. We are beginning to embody an ideology that will conserve and protect the planetâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s resources. Embracing a â&#x20AC;&#x153;gayâ&#x20AC;? identity simply isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t big enough anymore. We must identify as a universal humanity, connected to a broader network of diverse cultures, nations and earth systems.

Okay, so thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all theoretical revolution-talk. In the meantime, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s be

pragmatic. How can eco-queers adopt sustainable practices today?

1) Become an E2 citizen by visiting www.slcgreen.gov. This site offers several options to help make our transition to green living.

2) Reduce the amount you drive. Develop car-shares with friends. The most daring can even go â&#x20AC;&#x153;car-free.â&#x20AC;?

3) Replace lights with energy-efficient compact fluorescent bulbs.

4) When possible, buy food grown locally to support our regional economy and reduce the gas and oil used to ship food across the country. Participate in community-supported agriculture and our local farmerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s market.

5) Bring cloth bags to carry groceries home.

6) Visit the Green Building Center in Salt Lake and talk with them about pragmatic ways of greening your home.

7) Learn how to xeriscape your yard.

8) Continue your education about climate change. Discover the innovators who are creating new stories. Visit the Earth Policy Institute (earth-policy.org), Grist magazine (grist.org) and Al Goreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s climatecrisis.net as well as the newly launched science-activist web community at earthportal.org. Listen to The Bioneers, Thursdays at 1 p.m. on KRCL, 90.9 FM. 9) Support local organizations like HEAL Utah, The Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance, Save Our Canyons, Wild Utah and the Utah Rivers Council.

10) Let your elected leaders know that you expect them to protect our environment with responsible, reality-based legislation.

We all belong to this planet. We all have the invitation to engage and explore new possibilities. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a time for action. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to re-connect. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to carry our new story forward. We can be leaders in the green revolution. I have no doubt that marriage and the other issues that gay activists are working hard to obtain will finally fall into place. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only a matter of time. In the meantime, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s open our eyes to a larger view of human rights, social justice and ecological sustainability. When we finally do enjoy full access to social liberty, we will want clean water and fresh air for our queer families. We will want a healthy planet on which to enjoy our hard-earned freedoms.

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For information on the 30th anniversary of affirmation, go to affirmation.org

Troy Williams is the producer of RadioActive and Now Queer This on KRCL 90.9 FM.

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M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7 ď Ž â&#x20AC;&#x201A; I S S U E 7 8 ď Ž â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q S A LT L A K E ď Ž â&#x20AC;&#x201A; 15

Our little planet is going through some hard times. There is overwhelming scientific consensus that humans are contributing to our climate crisis. Australia is currently experiencing a drought that is devastating their agriculture. The worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s honey bee population has been reduced by over 25 percent â&#x20AC;&#x201D; potentially threatening our food production. Mass species extinction is a deadly reality. Global warming is a fact. Peak oil is past. Jesus Christ! What the hell is happening on planet Earth?

And what can we do about it?

The queer community is in a unique position to become early adopters and innovators of green living. Our American-fringe status provides us an atypical world view: We are free to think differently. We can inspire our cultural imagination with vibrant new stories.

Our old myths and folk tales have been too anthropocentric. That is to say, these stories perpetuate the tired belief that the Earthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s natural resources are provided for human use alone. In Genesis, Jehovah (evidently not knowing any better) gave men dominion over all living things. And ever since, our leaders have deployed armies, swords, muskets, guns, tanks and missiles to threaten, steal and plunder the very best our planet has to offer. Author Riane Eisler calls this story the â&#x20AC;&#x153;dominator model.â&#x20AC;?

But there are other options. New stories are emerging across the spectrum of deep ecology, spiral dynamics, eco-feminism and the social potential movement.

These narratives reveal that humans are one part of a holistic network of systems.

We comprise an integral strand on the web of life â&#x20AC;&#x201D; no more or less important than any other. These deep storytellers explore the rich interconnected nature of all our varied systems. We co-create with the environment and with each other in what Eisler calls a â&#x20AC;&#x153;partnership model.â&#x20AC;?

Eco-feminism emerges from this perspective. According to Fritjof Capra, the founder of the Center for Ecoliteracy in Berkley, Calif., â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ecofeminists see the

for several years in various attempts at reorientation therapy in misguided attempts to change the sexual orientation of gay men on campus. In 1976, PhD candidate Max Ford McBride performed electric shock therapy on 16 gay BYU students and staff, while they watched pornographic images at the Smith Family Living Center. The experience so traumatized the participants that at least two of the subjects immediately committed suicide.

Stephen Zacharias, then a BYU student, was part of a loosely-organized social network of gays on campus. When news came to this group that their brothers were killing themselves over this â&#x20AC;&#x153;therapy,â&#x20AC;? Zacharias decided that the time had arrived to come out of the closet and organize a support group for gay and lesbian Mormons.

Taking advantage of a large political gay rights conference that was being held in Salt Lake City the weekend of June 10â&#x20AC;&#x201C;12, 1977, Zacharias and confer-

16  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 7 8  M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7

Lambda History Mormon Road Shows Part II

by Ben Williams ben@qsaltlake.com

On a cold, snowy January day in 1977, a quiet, but a bit stuffy board of directors met to discuss holding a church dance. After the last bit of discussion and the last bit of cookie was eaten, the board agreed that a semi-formal church dance might be just the ticket to attract more people to the pews. So on that fateful day they voted to hold such a dance at the capitol rotunda of Utah on April 22.

Later that week, the church’s pastor, Reverend Alice Jones, dutifully sent off a formal request to the Lieutenant Governor’s office (one of his duties was to book the joint for Gold and Green Balls for LDS stakes). On polite church stationary, Reverend Jones asked to reserve the capitol dome for a church dance. Little did she and the church’s tiny group of parishioners know that this innocuous request would be the catalyst for the “Thirty Years Homosexual War.” On Feb. 3, Utah Lieutenant Governor, David S. Monson and his office, on official state stationary (state seal and everything), granted to the fledgling Metropolitan Community Church of Salt Lake its permission to hold a dance in the capitol.

The church’s board of directors couldn’t have been more pleased.

Then less then two weeks later, an anonymous informer placed a discreet but outraged call to David Monson revealing the church’s true identity.

Perhaps it was the same person who was outraged over the word “merlot” some thirty years later, perhaps not. We will never know. But the effect was the same: Apoplexy at the highest levels of Utah government! “What! What! Did I know that the Metropolitan Community Church was a homosexual church?! Hell no! Oh my God! Oh my God!” Can’t you just see Monson turning Technicolor before having his stroke?

As fast as Monson’s minimum wage secretary could tear the letterhead out of the Corona electric typewriter, the Lieutenant Governor rescinded permission to hold the MCC’s dance at the state capitol. On Feb. 18, the distraught board members read these words: ”Due to the restrictions we have placed on the capitol, and due to the nature of your organization our permission was revoked to hold a dance in the capitol on April 22 or any other date.” Monson went on to charge that an anonymous phone call had them check with “reliable sources” which identified Metropolitan Community Church of Salt Lake as a homosexual organization. Guilty as charged.

However, it appears that only the Reverend Jones was mortified by this turn of events. She resigned, packed her grip and took the last train to Clarksville, or perhaps it was Des Moines.

Not mortified was Robert Waldrop, Bob to his friends, “pain in the ass” to his enemies. Waldrop was an Okie who grew up in a Southern Baptist home.

To the grief and shame of his family he joined the LDS Church at the age of 18 and dutifully served a mission to Australia. However, shortly after returning to the United States, he was “recruited” by

homosexuals. He then grew a beard, shed his underwear, and joined the Metropolitan Community Church.

After the sudden departure of Reverend Jones, Bob Waldrop was appointed a “co-worship coordinator” for the church.

He realized that an attack against the rights of a gay church was also an attack against the gay community. If Monson wanted a war, he had to tangle with a Waldrop first. Immediately, Waldrop pushed the board of directors to retain attorney Kendall Perkins to sue the bastards — I mean, file a lawsuit against the state. Waldrop became a bulldog and wanted to bite Monson’s ass, and not in a good way, either.

In its case, the church stated, “renting the rotunda for social events was a common practice among churches, fraternal organizations, etc. ... blah, blah, blah.”

Kendall said to Monson, “So what if MCC openly admits that many of its members are gay? Gay or not, the members of the church paid taxes to support the upkeep of state offices like the Capitol building and ... yadda, yadda, yadda.”

Monson fired back that he had an “obligation to see that public buildings are used for purposes that meet the approval of the majority of the community ... yadda, yadda, yadda.” He even admitted that his action was discriminatory, but so what, what’s ya gonna do about it?

But to cover his ass, he asked the police if they thought holding a same-sex dance in the state rotunda would incite a demonstration. The police said, “Sure.” Monson then said, “See?” and stuck his tongue out at Kendall.

Well, on March 25, D. Kendall Perkins, Esq., brooking no sass from Monson, filed a lawsuit against the state of Utah on behalf of the Metropolitan Community Church of Salt Lake City “to compel the Lt. Governor to allow MCC the use of the State Capitol Rotunda for a dance.”

Uppity queers! The “noive!” But guess what? Based on the fact that Utah allowed events similar to those held regularly by Mormon stakes, the state was ordered by the courts to allow MCC to hold a samesex dance in the sacred rotunda.

So why, then. isn’t Queer Prom being held in the capitol, other then the fact that it is closed for renovation? Because the state’s Sanhedrin — I mean state legislature — would have none of that sort of sissy cavorting and banned all dances from the rotunda of the state capitol “forever and ever, amen!” Remember when all student clubs were banned from high schools to keep the homos out? Kinda the same thing.

All through the valley you could hear wails and lamentations: “No more Gold and Green Balls, with all that lovely gold and green crepe streamers, and debutante MIAs. Those bastard homos! First they ruined a perfectly good word like gay, and now they smashed our rights to hold Mormon dances under the capitol dome! What do these people want?” It was pitiful.

The MCC of Salt Lake City, however, held their little soiree anyway on April 22 at the lovely social hall of the First Unitarian Church on 1300 East. No one seemed to care that it wasn’t in the granite echo chamber up on the hill.

But the state did mind. Yes, indeed.

Utah State Deputy Attorney General Mike Deamer, wringing his hands in sinister glee, ordered the MCC to hand its membership list over to state police so they could compare the record with “sheriff’s and police records of known homosexuals.” The impudent Bob Waldrop said to Deamer, “No! Hell, no!” A

Salt Lake Third District Court Judge was even more adamant against the state’s inquisition and slammed the gavel down on Deamer’s dictates.

Although the dance had come and gone

by June 1, a vocal group of gay University of Utah students hotly quizzed Utah Senator Orrin Hatch and David Monson, who were speaking before an open forum sponsored by The Daily Utah Chronicle.

Why was permission for the dance rescinded? Monson touted, “Based on investigations and information from the Salt Lake County Sheriff’s office, we felt there was a possibility outside sources would try to disrupt the dance … bullshit and more bullshit.” Monson said that his decision was based on that fact that samesex dances might “incite demonstrations, or pose a threat of damage to the building or hazards to people attending.” He said everything but, “We did it to protect your queer asses, damn you!”

Kendall Perkins, attorney for the MCC, who happened to be sitting squarely in front of the Republicans, retorted that “he was unaware of any instances that would demonstrate a potential for such disruption.” He also called Monson, in legalese, “a big fat liar,” saying Monson’s decision to ban the dance from the rotunda “was made before any investigation took place.”

Then Senator Hatch, in his coolly detached, pinched Pennsylvania accent chimed in: “I feel homosexuality is marked by a psychological deficiency and therefore homosexuals should not be allowed to teach in public schools.” What the hell? A little off topic now, Senator Hatch droned on, “I wouldn’t want to see homosexuals teaching school anymore than I’d want to see members of the American Nazi Party teaching school.”

The Ladies for Clean Youth of America smiled and continued to knit. The gay students just thunked their heads collectively. Nevertheless, both sides did not blink that day, and thus began the Thirty Years Homosexual War in Utah. Q

Best of the Blogs Zionide ... The Name Says it All

zionide.com Who: Nick What: Gay Mormon (happily attached to Patrick) When: 26 years, 5 months, 14 days Where: Salt Lake City (Mormon “Land of Zion”) Helpful From this morning’s cross-country conversation with my best friend, who is a lesbian currently engaged to her girlfriend: BF: I need to talk to you about something.

Me: Okay.

BF: I have a crush. And I need help handling it.

Me: You always have crushes. It’ll pass.

BF: This one’s different. It’s a big, big, BIG crush.

Me: Oh? Who is she?

BF: Well… that’s the other thing. It’s… he.

Me: …

BF: Hello?

Me: …

BF: Stop it! I know, I know!

Me: Wow. Okay. Let’s think about this. Is it a big crush like, “That gay boy is so cute! I love him!”?

BF: Well…

Me: Or a big crush like, “I want that straight man’s penis in my vagina RIGHT NOW!”?

BF: …

Me: Well?

BF: Eww! Gross!

Me: Alrighty then.

BF: Wow… crush is over. I knew there was a reason I always called you with these things.

Me: My job is done.

Ruth Hackford-Peer Feeling Kinky?

How about FedSex?

by Ruth Hackford-Peer ruth@qsaltlake.com

worked instead of to the residence hall where we lived. It was three hours after delivery before we made it to the central mail room and another forty-five minutes before the goods met their final destination. It should have been quicker, but my partner decided to solve the delivery miscommunication right then and there.

I was a little embarrassed, standing at the help counter with a box â&#x20AC;&#x201D; twice the size of a shoe box â&#x20AC;&#x201D; complete with the tag line, â&#x20AC;&#x153;biological material enclosed, please keep cool.â&#x20AC;? The box also had a picture of an airplane and a dog. My partner calmly filled out the waiver needed by the mail room to allow us to receive a delivery directly to our residence hall.

She left her cell phone number in case FedEx made an error, and then we finally turned to leave. She turned back with the following instructions: â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you receive a similar package tomorrow, it is imperative that you call me immediately. I need a call the instant it arrives.

A LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.â&#x20AC;?

It didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. It was pretty clear I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t awaiting a kidney. It seems that the smaller the

campus, the bigger the rumors. We might as well have announced to the entire campus that we were shipping sperm.

What followed was eight months of getting to know the folks at FedEx real well, two Delta flights to Massachusetts, a new nickname around campus as â&#x20AC;&#x153;the FedSex lady,â&#x20AC;? and still no baby. However, we finally did conceive our second child.

But thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a story for another column, so youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have to wait. After all, I had to wait almost three years.

In the midst of two-week roller coaster cycles of anticipation and disappointment, it can be tough to find humor in the process. But now that that the family is complete, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gotten my sense of humor back. And in a way, it is funny.

For almost a year, foreplay included the doorbell ringing and the FedEx delivery person handing over a package. In a Pavlovian sense, I may never be the same.

Which is why, if you ever come over to my house, I recommend knocking rather than ringing the bell.

I thought it was fitting when FedEx merged with Kinkos. But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll always be FedSex and Kinkys to me. Always. Q

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M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7 ď Ž â&#x20AC;&#x201A; I S S U E 7 8 ď Ž â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q S A LT L A K E ď Ž â&#x20AC;&#x201A; 17

I conceived my older son in Massachusetts using a known donor. My partner and I were driving on the back roads of western Massachusetts returning from an event at a local college with a mutual friend. In the midst of the conversation, our friend asked when we were going to start trying to conceive. I burst into tears. We had been in conversation with a possible donor and had just that day called the whole thing off. The possible donor was a lawyer (equipped with the legal know-how to write the fine-print however he desired.) He wanted to help fund the pregnancy (I was thinking generosity; I should have been thinking custody battle.) In my urgency to get pregnant, I wrote off the warning signs.

That was until we started negotiating and he brought a list of â&#x20AC;&#x153;family requirementsâ&#x20AC;? including how many miles apart we could live, naming the child after his grandmother, and possible private schools where weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d send the kid. I wanted him to be a donor. He wanted to be a daddy. As much as I wanted a child, I knew I had to back out. Hence, the tears.

My friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s response was, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, I bet my husband would be your donor.â&#x20AC;?

The next weekend we went over for dinner. After their son went to sleep we began the awkward conversation of asking for a personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s genetic material. This conversation was complete with details like fresh or frozen? Carry-out or delivery?

The next week found us at Kinkos with a donor agreement in hand signing and notarizing the arrangements. While locals were making double-sided copies of holiday newsletters, we were conducting real business. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Getting kinky at Kinkos,â&#x20AC;? my partner joked. But we really didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get kinky until later that night.

We timed our trip to the house for the â&#x20AC;&#x153;goodsâ&#x20AC;? perfectly. Our friend met us at the front door with a brown paper bag labeled â&#x20AC;&#x153;secret sauce.â&#x20AC;? Then she proceeded to open it and showed off her insulating skills as she removed a McDonalds fry sauce container wrapped in tin foil. Her comment, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted to keep the little guys warm,â&#x20AC;? was lost on us as we huddled around the bag on the front porch amid blowing snow.

The five-mile drive back to our apartment seemed the longest of my life. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d set the room for romance complete with Indigo Girls as background music. Kim went about lighting candles while I obsessed about the viability of the goods. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been 20 minutes. Hurry. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been 20 minutes.â&#x20AC;? Not all the details of such an important event should be publicly chronicled, so Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll spare too many more.

I will say that we strived for romance back then and so were taken aback when my mother called and left a two-minute rambling message about nothing. The machine finally cut her off, but the phone rang again less than 30 seconds later: â&#x20AC;&#x153;I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get to say goodbye, so Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m just calling to do that. Love you.â&#x20AC;?

I did get pregnant the second time we tried. It was too easy for what was to come. Soon after Rileyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s birth we moved

to rural Colorado and eventually started planning for another child. We wanted to use the same donor, but suddenly distance became a factor we had to consider.

I signed up with a Yahoo group focused on home inseminations. I soon learned that horses have more on-line information for stud service than lesbians do. I called a company that offered â&#x20AC;&#x153;equine semen shipping units.â&#x20AC;? The company advertised for horses, but the gals at the yahoo group recommended it. I called and got a secretary who didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seem taken aback at all. She recommended the canine shipper because, â&#x20AC;&#x153;the equine ones are just too large for what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going for.â&#x20AC;? The shipper was sent to the donor to then be overnighted to us in Colorado.

It seemed too good to be true.

It was.

We thought weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d get the package in about 18 hours, so after 21 hours I was a nervous wreck. I finally called FedEx to track the package, only to be informed that the box had been signed for several hours earlier. Turned out FedEx delivered the package to the central mail processing office of the college where we

1 8  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 7 8  M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7

In Search Of...

First Anniversaries

by Chad Keller and Mark Thrash insearchof@qsaltlake.com

Can you believe it has been one year since our first column in QSaltLake? Despite our editor’s disbelief, we have the original documents to prove him wrong. We’ve taken a lesson from community historian Ben Williams and preserved the files from each of our past columns. No Ben, we haven’t posted them as a blog, but we’ve still got the records. This makes our 24th installment. When we debuted on May 15, 2006, we promised to “cause a slight commotion.” After six months, we had exceeded our own expectations. Remember January 1, 2007?

We have bantered a plethora of subjects over the last 12 months. Let’s take a look at our year in review and see the

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evolution of topics.

MARK: Our first installment was all about the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire and their annual elections for emperor and empress. One year ago, there were three candidates: one for empress and two for emperor.

This year, no candidates would step forward for the ominous task. So, the organization has turned to their past leaders for direction.

CHAD: After 30 years of past reigns, that could be well over 50 candidates who could hold the offices for a second term. Names have fluttered through the rumor mill. By the time this paper hits the streets, the final names will have been officially submitted. I wonder who embodies the qualities needed to strengthen the organization. Hey Mark, what year were you emperor?

MARK: Many have argued that the RCGSE is an organization of the past and that it is no longer useful. This next year should be a year of reflection. One in which the organization reestablishes its place in the community. From its humble beginnings as a grass roots social organization, it has become a fund raising machine for more than gays and lesbians. Ever since high school, elections have always been a popularity contest. It will take a pair of well-known members from the College of Monarchs to rekindle that excitement and synergy that once lifted the Court to the thrones upon which they sat.

CHAD: Our second installment was all about Pride. It is clear that, after taking a moment to review our “In Search of Gay Pride” last year, I took more than a jab at the official festival. I have gained an appreciation for Valerie Larabee, and I now trust that the three-day event will be a great community success under her executive direction.

MARK: Last year you called the Utah Pride Festival, “the bastard-Quasimodolove child of the Days of ’47 and the Utah Arts Festivals.” See readers, even Chad has evolved over the last year. Just when I had suspected that community growth wasn’t possible, Chad Keller has found a new sense of harmony with the Utah Pride Center. Yes, yes, yes … it took me a long time to bring her down

off her soapbox. Valerie, you can thank me later. We can talk about it next year at UAF Oscar Night when we’re dancing next to one another again while listening to the band at the after party.

CHAD: In case some of you missed it, our Oscar predictions would’ve won us alot in Vegas. Alas, some of you still argue that we’re out of touch. What is it going to take for you to see the light?

MARK: “Step into the light, Carol Anne.

Step into the light…” If a small child can follow instructions, why can’t you?

Squint your eyes and Chad will look like the little old lady from the movie.

Remember, even she had a special charisma.

CHAD: Are you saying that in order for someone to find me appealing, they must squint their eyes?

MARK: Even I know that sometimes silence is best. So, I will just let our faithful readers make their own interpretation of my previous remark. This past year of sarcastic banter between us should speak for itself, and that sarcasm has always been our ammunition. Whether we were discussing the Best Weiner in Salt Lake City, the lack of leadership in our community or talking about the importance of family, we always found a way to laugh.

Hmmm … should we talk about that

Should They Date?

detrimental column from six months ago, or should we omit that from the year in review?

CHAD: No, even after the eight hundred twenty-nine word rant and death wish by train, I still came out most resembling one of America’s most beloved Muppet characters. As stated from the results of the 10-question evaluation we found, I’m most like Ernie. Because I’m fun and popular. I’m a real crowdpleaser. I’ve been out on the town my share of times, yet I come home with the values that my mother taught me.

Marriage and children are important to me, but only after I have fun. I shouldn’t let the people who I please influence me to stray.

MARK: Well, you may have resembled America’s most beloved, but my Muppet alter-ego is the world’s most-beloved.

I’m most like Elmo. Because I’m cute and everyone loves me. I’m a best friend that no one takes the chance of losing.

I never hurt feelings and seldom have my own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze.

I’m witty and calm most of the time. If I just keep clear of backstabbers, I’ll be worry-free.

CHAD: Worry-free? That’ll be difficult with the year ahead. I wonder if you can keep clear of backstabbers while leading a service organization? Q

Have you ever questioned whether you and another individual should be dating?

Have you ever noticed that all’s fair in love and war, although you can’t get

a restraining order in war?

Why waste your money on a therapist or eHarmony.com, when you can ask for relationship advice from the QSaltLake for free?

In this issue of SHOULD THEY DATE, Joe B. wants to know if he should still be dating Emily B., and Larry M. asks us if he should date Some Random Gay Cowboy Named Todd.

NAME: Joe B. AGE: 29 RESIDENCE: Salt Lake City, Utah OCCUPATION: Coffee Shop/Sublet Owner FAVORITE MEMBER OF THE BEE GEES: “I can’t decide between Barry and Robin.”

NAME: Emily B. AGE: 30 RESIDENCE: Salt Lake City, Utah OCCUPATION: Elementary School Teacher FAVORITE MEMBER OF THE BEE GEES: “Definitely Jimmy Fallon.”

• Joe and Emily first met years ago at Borders. He saw her across the store reading ‘Everything You Wanted to Know About Phobias, But Were Afraid To Ask.’ It probably wasn’t the best time for Joe, whom Emily didn’t know at the time, to sneak up on her.

• Many relationships underestimate the importance of being technologically compatible. Joe owns four com-

puters, seven televisions, three iPods, five cell phones, and a DeLorean with a flux capacitor. Emily on the other hand, is a neo-luddite and stays awake every night worrying about Y2K. • IN SUMMARY: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Joe and Emily? That doesn’t apply to you.

by Ryan Shattuck ryan@qsaltlake.com

NAME: Larry M. AGE: 63 RESIDENCE: The Mayan Restaurant, Utah OCCUPATION: Businessman/Owner of Any Utah Property that God hasn’t Nailed Down FAVORITE MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: “Doesn’t matter, just as long as it’s purchased from Larry H. Miller Toyota, Larry H. Miller Honda, Larry H. Miller Chevrolet, Larry H. Miller Subaru, Larry H. Miller Lexus, or Larry H. Miller Dodge.”

• These two perfectly-matched lovebirds met a few years ago at ‘Dance Dance Revolution: On Ice!’ while on a blind date, set up by none other than Gayle Ruzicka. Since then, they haven’t had as much as a single argument.

• Has anyone else thought it ironic that when Larry M.’s Mayan Restaurant opens in June after remodeling, that its theme will be changed from “Mexi-

Should They Date? NO

NAME: Some Random Gay Cowboy Named Todd AGE: 24 RESIDENCE: Stillwater, Oklahoma OCCUPATION: Gay Cowboy FAVORITE MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: “A 2006 Mini Cooper. Or a horse.

Or ideally, a 2006 Mini Cooper being pulled by a horse.” can Cuisine in a Faux Mayan Setting” to “Homosexual Love in Wyoming: All You Can Eat?” • IN SUMMARY: Perhaps it really is possible for a Utah businessman to have such a dramatic change of heart, that he shifts from hating a movie about gay cowboys, to falling in love with a gay cowboy himself.

Should They Date? YES

Load of Bullshattuck Body Himage and Hermage

by Ryan Shattuck ryan@qsaltlake.com

In the great advice-giving tradition of Ann Landers, Dan Savage, Dr. Laura and your drunk Uncle Bernie at last year’s family reunion, QSaltLake has allowed me to offer mediocre advice on something which I know nothing about — relationships.

Are you curious about that new guy you met on gay.com, who may or may not be 40 years your senior? Are you afraid to ask out your secret crush at work, because she happens to be more selfinvolved than Tyra Banks in a funhouse hall of mirrors?

QSaltLake’s “Should they Date” column may be just what you’re looking for.

You send us your relationship questions, and we print your relationship answers.

After all, couples therapy is expensive, and you certainly wouldn’t flip a coin over something as important as whether to stay in your relationship or not.

Leave the coin flipping to us.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled “Bull of Shattuck” column.

Direct Import from India, Persia, Pakistan, Afghanistan & Turkey • Cleaning • Repairs • Appraisals • Pads

152 E E. 200 S. 363-RUGS Next to Cedars of Lebanon

selves, or are we trying to avoid feeling bad about ourselves? Are we ready to let go of all our unnecessary, preconceived notions? Are we ready to admit that body perfection doesn’t matter? Are we ready to admit that non sequiturs are nothing more than a masturbatory literary device? Are we ready to admit that a courtesan is another name for a really, really fancy ho?

Let’s lose weight in order to be healthier. Let’s stay in shape in order to main-

tain the longevity of our lives. But let’s lessen this preoccupation with beauty and vanity and perfection that consumes so much of our lives.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go throw up my lunch before heading to QUAC. I love this time of the year.

Ryan Shattuck is a freelance writer, University of Utah student, and treats his body like a temple — closed on Mondays.

Visit 30 of Salt Lake City’s finest restaurants and choose a three course dinner for either $15 or $25.

DowntownSalt Lake City

Restaurant Week

May 4-19

NEW SPRING DINE O’ ROUND ADDS LUNCH TO THE MENU! Some participating restaurants offer a lunch special of two delicious courses for only $10 per person.

For information: 359-5118 www.dineoround.com

M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7  I S S U E 7 8  Q S A LT L A K E  19

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

This month is the most wonderful time of the year, you ask? No, it’s not AvoidYour-Family-Christmas. No, it’s not your Pretend-To-Not-Be-Depressed-Birthday.

No, it’s not An-Excuse-To-Dress-Like-AWhore-Halloween. This most wonderful time of the year I’m referring to is the Beginning of Summer — which gay men look forward to more than Fundamentalist Christians look forward to the Rapture (which makes me wonder how disappointed these Christians will be when they find out that The Rapture isn’t so much an ascension into heaven, but merely a New York post-punk revival band).

While I, personally, am looking forward to summer, I have wondered lately why it is that so many gay men — and even some lesbians — look forward to summer more than our straight counterparts? Sure, the beginning of summer means vacation cruises, Pride parades and Independence Day barbecues (oh, did I say ‘Independence Day?’ I’m sorry.

I meant ‘What Little Independence The Patriot Act Hasn’t Already Pissed On Day’). Nevertheless, it appears that gay men and women anticipate the beginning of summer more than anyone else.

Is it because we have more expendable income to spend on summer trips? Is it because the majority of us don’t have progeny to be carted off to summer camp and marching band trips and scout outings and rehab? Is it because who needs Pioneer weekend and Jell-o salad when you could have Pride weekend and Jell-o shots? Or, most likely, is the main reason we look forward to summer the fact that we went to the gym this past winter more often than John McCain announced his presidency, and dammit, we’re going to show off our bodies?

While I want to stop short of delving into the whole topic of body image, it does appear, however, that with the

transition from the cooler seasons to the warmer seasons comes a renewed interest in being buffed, tanned, plucked, coifed and liposucked. Sure, some people already have the perfect body of Jake Gyllenhaal or Portia de Rossi (and may those people either die — or date me), but for those of us whose body more closely resembles Harvey Fierstein’s or Rosie O’Donnell’s or that of any other unattractive homosexual starring in Fiddler On The Roof, the question of how we’ll look in a swimsuit this summer is a very real issue.

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, this Dorian Gray complex of wanting to remain young and beautiful consumes so much of our time and energy that it must be asked: Is all the time we donate to the cause of being perpetually beautiful actually worth it?

We spend this time as if we — myself included — are afraid of admitting we’re imperfect and accepting who we really are. What’s wrong with admitting flaws and imperfections? You say ‘po-tay-toe,’ I say ‘po-tah-toe.’ You say, “It’s only a small cold sore,” I say, “No, that’s actually oral herpes.”

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe there is nothing immoral with having a good amount of self-respect. But although I’m not a licensed nutritionist, a personal trainer, a therapist, a researcher or the type of person who should be sharing a public opinion, I still don’t believe it’s necessary or even healthy to be so obsessed with being perfect and beautiful that it consumes all of one’s life. As Fight Club’s Tyler Durden asked upon seeing an ad of a male model on a bus, “Is that what a real man is supposed to look like?” Are many of us in search of a naïve perfection that doesn’t actually exist, short of plastic surgery, Photoshop and compulsive lying? Then again, Tyler Durden did, in fact, have the perfect body, so he may not be the best person to quote. I also don’t know how much merit should be given to a person and their opinions when their outside hobbies include blowing up buildings.

As the warmer months approach, let’s ask ourselves: Do we want to get in shape for the summer because we want to be healthier, or because we don’t actually feel good about ourselves? Are we trying to reach a positive, or avoid a negative?

Are we trying to feel better about our-

2 0  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 7 8  M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7

Another Memorial Day, Another Coronation

For 32 years, Memorial Day has meant more in Utah’s gay community than a time to put flowers on loved ones’ graves.

It is also time to pull out the make-up, dust off the gown, polish the stillettoes, and relearn the strut and head to the annual Coronation of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire. To others, it’s time to watch in shock and awe.

This years Coronation theme is “Ever After ... Fantasies and Fairytales.” To be held at the Sheraton City Centre on Fifth South, events are planned all weekend — see the schedule at left.

For those who have not gone to a coronation, here is what you can expect.

The night will be opened by the Salt Lake Men’s Choir performing the U.S. and Canadian national anthems. Emperors, empresses and others from courts around the nation and from Canada and Mexico will be in full regalia. Each court will be called and present an offering to the reigning Royal Court emperor and empress, Kim Russo and Kyra Faye Prespentte. Many will perform numbers as they walk, as will many “command performers” — those specifically requested by the emperor and empress. Local organizations and performers also take the runway through the evening.

At the end of the evening, the current reign will step down and crown the newly-chosen emperor and empress.

This year no candidates stepped forward to run the the titles, which can be a huge job as well as a large expense, as titleholders are expected to travel to other cities’ coronations and events — mostly n their own dime.

Several former monarchs have stepped forward and the organization’s College of Monarchs will choose the next emperor and empress among them.

So, if you haven’t been, this is one of those “do it once before you die” events.

History of the Royal Court

by Nicholas Rupp

with (and dying from) HIV/AIDS.

Despite what most gay and lesbian Utahns think, the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire isn’t a bunch of catty drag queens vying to be the biggest bitch of all.

Well, it isn’t just that.

At its core, the RCGSE is as much about helping people as it is about the performance of drama, both onstage and off. The Court’s members have been raising money and awareness for community organizations — both gay-related and not — longer than just about any other gay and lesbian organization in the state.

Originally designed to showcase drag performers and raise awareness for the burgeoning gay rights movement, the concept of royal courts began in San Francisco in 1965 with Utah establishing its first royal court in 1976. Since then, the organization has evolved from a campy, fun social group to one devoted to fundraising, charity and … campy fun.

Below are just a few of the highlights in the RCGSE’s nearly 30-year history.

1985 October — Emperor X Scott Stites issues a proclamation that creates Court AIDS Awareness Week to raise funds and awareness about the disease.

1976 June — The International Imperial Court System grants a Court charter to the Imperial Court of Utah. The crowning of the first Emperor and Empress takes place at the Rusty Bell.

1977 April — The original Sun Tavern hosts the first formal coronation. Empress II Paul is elected by write-in and does drag only twice during his yearlong reign — two things which are unheard of in future reigns.

1978 — Coronation moves to the Salt Palace, where it remains for the next 12 years.

1979 — The Imperial Court of Utah creates the first gay rodeo organization in the state, the Golden Spike Gay Rodeo Association. It would eventually become the Utah Gay Rodeo Association.

1979 August — Empress IV Lois Lane resigns three months into her reign.

1980 February — In a 10-minute meeting at Denny’s at 300 W. North Temple, the Imperial Court of Utah becomes the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire.

1980 May — Emperor candidate Gordon Steel purchases full-size billboards throughout Salt Lake City and wins the election. The RCGSE board adds a campaign rule limiting campaigning to the gay community and gay-owned businesses, reportedly to prevent “unfair politics.”

1988 — Prince Royale Gary Broadhead and Princess Royale Betty John of the twelfth reign initiate the People With AIDS Christmas fund to assist the US Ma-

Past Monarchs 1976-77 Emperor I Pepper / Empress I Deanna The Court was originally the Imperial Court of Utah with the first crowning of Emperor and Empress taking place at The Rusty Bell in June 1976. The Court was primarily a social group whose first year sparked curiosity and interest.

Today, the dedication of Pepper, the first lesbian Emperor, is still significant.

She is still an active member of the Board of Directors and a driving force in the Royal Court.

1977-78 Emperor II Fred Ringle / Empress II Paul Still being a new organization and defining its role in the Salt Lake Valley, the Court was stillfilled with surprises and “camp.” Paul North was elected Empress by a write-in vote and is still the only successful write-in candidate the Royal Court has had. At PR Ball, Fred and Paul reversed roles and Fred went in drag, while Paul went in leather. Paul only did drag twice the whole year he was Empress ... something uncommon today.

1978-79 Emperor III Weldon Young / Empress III Carole Martindale As the Court started to find its existence to be more prominent, the values and beliefs of the organization were then molded. Empress III Carole Martindale was the first and only straight woman to be elected to the position. Campaigns lasted six weeks and there were five empress candidates and three emperor candidates the year that Carole and Weldon won. The court ventured out for many exciting campouts with the emphasis on “camp!” For many years Carole acted as the administrator for The Monarchs’ AIDS Fund and remains an active member of the College of Monarchs.

1984 — RCGSE holds the first HIV/AIDS fundraiser in Utah and submits bylaws and a certificate of incorporation to the state for the first gay and lesbian community center.

1979-80 Emperor IV Joe Conti / Empress IV Dusty In February 1980 a special meeting took place to have all court members resign and surrender their court cards in front of the Reigning Emperor. The meeting took place at Denny’s on 300 West & North Temple and lasted 10 minutes. This was the beginning of the RCGSE, with Joe and Dusty as Emperor and Empress. The election that year was one of the most heated in all campaigns to date. The elected emperor, Gordon Steel, purchased billboards throughout the city, spawning a campaign rule that no campaigning would be allowed outside the gay community.

The elected empress that year, who won by one vote, resigned three months into her reign.

1985 May — The ninth reign establishes a charitable AIDS fund, making the RCGSE one of the first organizations in Utah to recognize and assist people living

1980-81 Emperor V Krazy Pete / Empress V Joanie Lynn The fifth reign was the first to start after the break up of ICU and Joanie and

1982 December — Empress VII Wilma resigns after seven months in office, going so far as to have a copy of her resignation speech notarized.

1983 June — RCGSE organizes “A Day in the Park” to help revitalize Utah Pride Day.

the Spike Scholarship fund to “empower our community through education.”

1991 — Reign XV establishes the RCGSE as an IRS-recognized 501(c)(3) non-profit organization.

1998 March — Empress XXI establishes Cancer Awareness Week in March to raise money for cancer research and assistance.

1991 May — Coronation moves, for one year, to the Grand Building at the State Fairgrounds.

1992 — Emperor and Empress XVI, Jeff Smith and Stephanie Thomas, get along so well during their reign that they have a child together. Later that year, Emperor XVII establishes the Barony of Northern Utah to serve as the second International Court presence in the state.

1996 — Emperor XX creates the Drive of

Pete decided that taking care of the in-town organization was important.

They attended only two out-of-town coronations. They initiated the new voting system that required the punch vote which is still in place to this day. It ensured a fair result and the Salt Lake City Police Department counted the ballots. It was also decided that instead of Krazy Pete and Joanie Lynn becoming Emperor and Empress I of the new court, they would be known as Emperor and Empress V, and the past would be honored and the previous four reigns would be acknowledged as they had been.

1981-82 Emperor VI Bob Stevens / Empress VI Marita Gayle Emperor VI Bob, was responsible for volleyball teams and a tournament played between Denver and Salt Lake City and started a successful court softball team. He also started the court poker run which still exists. Court meeting attendance that year was one of the highest ever. The largest crowd to date attended the 6th reign coronation with over 1,000 people. Bob and Marita were the monarchs to sign the papers that gave The Sovereign Court of Denver their Charter. Marita started the subtitles and the spike titles that are selected by elected monarchs (i.e. The Heart of the Spike, the Champagne Empress).

1982-83 Emperor VII Michael Ball / Empress VII Tina St. Clair The seventh reign was one of firsts, traditions and turmoil. Michael and Wilma were lovers when they ran and won. They did not run as a ticket, which was not allowed, but won together just the same. Michael started the gay bowling league, which is still running today.

In December 1982, Wilma called the president of the board, Marita Gayle, up on stage and had her read Wilma’s resignation speech. The audience and Marita were in shock. An emergency meeting was held in the office of The Sun to dismiss the resignation, but because it had been notarized nothing could be done. The community was outraged, Wilma was a very popular Empress, and a rally was sponsored to show support for Wilma to maintain her title. She stuck to her guns and in January of 1983, the reigning Princess Royale, Tina Sinclair, was crowned Empress VII Regent.

1983-84 Emperor VIII Alan Anderson / Empress VIII Auntie Dé By proclamation, Alan created the board elections of the Prince Royale and Princess Royale, which take place prior to Victory Brunch the morning after Coronation. Empress XVI, Stephanie Thomas’s proclamation voided Alan’s by creating a public election of the offices.

These elections only lasted for three reigns. She rescinded her proclamation and Alan’s was reinstated. Both Alan and Auntie De’ remain very active in our

1999 — Empress XXIII Bridgette rebuilds and auctions a car, raising $1,100 for charity.

2000 — The Barony of Northern Utah gets approval from the International Imperial Court to become the Imperial Rainbow Court of Northern Utah.

2001 June — Reign XXV is the first RCGSE reign to host an informational booth at Utah Pride. Q

community. Alan last served as President of the Board for Reign XXIII. De’ was active in the Utah Gay Rodeo Association, most recently serving as Grand Marshall for their first Gay Rodeo in the summer of 2000. An RCGSE tradition has been for Auntie De’ to host the Empress Tea Party during Coronation festivities. This fun party goes hand in hand with Auntie De’ and her fun loving attitude.

1984-85 Emperor IX Lee Trinka / Empress IX Annie Daniels The ninth reign established the reigning Monarchs as copresidents of the RCGSE. Empresses once served as President and Emperor as Vice-President. Lee was a past Rainier Emperor in Seattle, Washington. Annie was known for her accuracy and attention to detail, as well as her amazing ability to see things outside the box. The reign was also responsible for establishing the AIDS fund, governed by the College of Monarchs, making the Court one of the first organizations in our community to officially address and help people affected by HIV/AIDS. Through this fund, the court has raised thousands of dollars to help hundreds of individuals and organizations.

1985-86 Emperor X Scott Stites / Empress X Mother Bob As the RCGSE grew and established itself as a community based volunteer organization with a cause to help combat the AIDS epidemic, AIDS Awareness week is still one of the most educational and community building activities the court has in Utah. Emperor X Scott Stites issued a proclamation, which created AIDS Awareness Week for the court each October to raise funds and awareness.

1986-87 Emperor XI Robb Bullock / Empress XI Clariss Cartier The Royal Court began to evolve into an organization of power and stamina. The 11th reign worked on the relationships within the city. Clariss and Robb were part of the very first Community Council and the first Monarchs to meet with a Mayor of Salt Lake City, Palmer DePaulis.

Clariss was responsible for creating the Mr. & Miss Gay Utah Pageant, and has served as President of the Board of Directors seven times since her reign.

1987-88 Emperor XII Donny Eastepp / Empress XII Donnie Marie The 12th reign was very successful in that the emperor and empress had so much love and respect for each other.

They traveled well, raised a lot of money and had incredible backing and support.

Donnie Marie was the first and only Native American to be elected empress and was very proud of her heritage.

1988-89 Emperor XIII Larry White / Empress XIII Desireé The 13th reign had the most incredible sets for shows, events and pageants. Larry

White was very talented in set design and his partner Bree Chardonnay helped their reign throughout their year. Famous for her many fabulous hats, Desiree’ was also known as one of the most exciting and energetic performing Empresses on the circuit and truly loved performing for her audience.

1989-90 Emperor XIV Gary Broadhead / Empress XIV Betty John Betty and Gary were the first Monarchs to be elected that had reigned together as PRs. They started the Lifetime Achievement Award, now an annual tradition, giving the first award to Empress VI Marita Gayle. As PRs, they started the PWA Christmas fund, originally toys for tots, adding extra rewards and benefits for those individuals with HIV/AIDS. 1990-91 Emperor XV Bruce Harmon / Empress XV Bianca The 15th reign was filled with great entertainment. Bianca was known for her beauty and talent as a performer and was asked to perform at many Coronations around the circuit. She was one of the first Empresses named Heir Apparent to the founder of our International Court System, the Widow Norton, Empress I Jose. Bruce was instrumental in getting the Court its 501(c)3 status and initiated the Pageant Committee and the Mr., Miss and Ms. Gay Pride Pageant. Their step-down was held in the Grand Building at the State Fairgrounds where guests were seated on the main floor during the first set and asked to move upstairs for a completely different floor plan and seating arrangement during the second.

1991-92 Emperor XVI Jeff Smith / Empress XVI Stephanie Thomas Jeff and Stephanie were incredibly close – in fact they had a child together.

Concerned with making sure that the organization ran as a well oiled machine, this reign focused on the workings of the court. Budget controls were implemented to ensure tight controls and the number of Court titles were limited to 64 per reign to make them more meaningful to the recipients. Jeff was known for his business sense and served for several years as President of the Board.

Stephanie was our first lesbian Empress and still remains an active member of the RCGSE. She also currently serves on the board of the PWACU. 1992-93 Emperor XVII Jeff Freedman / Empress XVII Keisha Diamanté Guy Larsen was elected among three candidates for Emperor that year. Due to a job transfer 3 days later, he resigned and the Board immediately confirmed Jeff Freedman as Emperor as the next highest vote-getter. Jeff went on to create the Barony of Northern Utah, which is now the Imperial Rainbow Court of Northern Utah. By proclamation, Continued on page 27

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1981 May — Thanks to the election controversy in the previous year, Emperor V Krazy Pete and Empress V Joanie Lynn create a new, more reliable punch vote system. They also enlist the Salt Lake City Police Department to count votes — a job that, surprisingly, the force happily accepts.

1987 — Reign XI creates the “Mr. & Miss Gay Utah” pageant and becomes the first monarchy to formally meet with the mayor of Salt Lake City, Palmer DePaulis.

rine Corps Toys for Tots program with toys for children with HIV.

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N

By Michael Aaron

ot much has changed in former Utah Jazz forward/center John Amaechi’s life since he took the basketball world by storm after coming out in his autobiography, “Man in the Middle,” which still ranks in the top 20 of nonfiction books on the New York Times Best Seller list.

“Nothing is changing. I’m not a different person today than I was a few months ago. I’m still a psychologist, I work with corporations on business management and quality issues and diversity. I still work the speaking circuit, talking with many organizations like colleges and universities. I’m still doing my job. I have my own consulting company and I have my charity in the U.K. that builds community centers for young people,” said Amaechi. “Those endeavors have never been more important. I’ve been focused on all of these different aspects as well as my new responsibility to the GLBT community in this country, which I embrace.”

That new responsibility is being a spokesman for the Human Rights Campaign’s Coming Out Project, a

program designed to help gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people come out and live openly.

Amaechi went on a month-long, 13-stop tour for the project when his book was released this March.

He has also received nine invitations to be the grand marshal for various Pride celebrations. He accepted three — Chicago (which expects over 200,000 participants), Los Angeles (400,000 participants) and Salt Lake City (35,000 anticipated participants).

“They’re all equally important. The Utah one is very close to my heart. I’ve been to the gay and lesbian center in Utah and met some of the kids there, and a lot of my good friends are in and from Salt Lake City.

I thought it would be a good opportunity to get back together with them and reminisce.”

Amaechi remembers his time in Salt Lake City while playing for the Jazz very fondly, even though he felt the need to be quiet about his sexual orientation. He was able to surround himself with trusted friends — straight and gay — a process that was slow and deliberate.

“It was quiet, but active. You know, a lot of people came out to my house, I built up a small group of friends who slowly and quietly introduced me to a

larger, wider circle of people,” Amaechi said. “They were all very conscious of the fact they should keep their mouth shut. They protected me at the time. It was never explicit, but it was understood.”

Amaechi feels honored to be included in this year’s Utah Pride and hopes he can be a part of change that he feels needs to happen in the state.

“I think it is an important statement,” Amaechi said of his decision to accept Utah Pride’s offer. “Sometimes the GLBT community at large, as vibrant as it is (especially in Salt Lake City), it’s kind of invisible. It’s very good, I think, for me to be a small part of adding to the visibility and awareness of [Utah’s] diversity.”

Several players and former players have spoken publicly — both positively and negatively — on Amaechi’s coming out since the book was published.

At the time, Amaechi braced himself for a largely negative reaction, but has been pleasantly surprised of the amount of positive response he’s received.

“I think my nature is to expect the worst. I definitely underestimated America,” Amaechi said. At the Log Cabin Republicans’ annual convention he said, “I braced myself for the wrath of a nation under God. I imagined that it would be a fire storm, that it would be some insane number of letters demanding my deportation or my death.”

“I thought there might be a lot more vociferous objection to me being gay,” he said to QSaltLake, “but in fact the overwhelming majority of responses have been very, very positive, very very supportive.”

Several former Jazz teammates have contacted Amaechi since his book was published, including Karl Malone.

“Karl and Kay, his wife, were very supportive,” said Amaechi.

Most of Amaechi’s time is spent speaking publicly for his company, Animus Consulting.

“One cannot underestimate the ability of words to foster meaningful, long-term change. The power of eloquence to challenge, motivate and inspire is the most enlightened and yet fundamental of human skills.

Simple, carefully crafted words can touch the mind and soul of an individual, creating pathways for reflection that were once shrouded in fear and uncertainty.

Then people and organizations are free to compete, adapt and grow in creative ways that make excellence in life and work a singular choice and the only worthwhile vision to share.”

But Amaechi’s real passion seems to be his ABC Foundation that builds quality, affordable sports facilities and staffs them with coaches, mentors and educators. His goal is to “enthuse youth and their communities.”

“Now more than ever there needs to be a secure, safe environment where young people can feel confident and welcomed enough to broaden their horizons, skills and their mind-sets — a place where our youth can strive for excellence.”

Amaechi was asked by Utah Pride Director Terry Mitchell Nani to marshal this year’s parade.

“John Amaechi is an absolute natural connection and fit for this year’s Pride parade and festival,” Nani said. “His connection to the Utah community through his time with the Utah Jazz and his subsequent story of personal courage places him, in my mind, as a stellar figurehead and role model to this area’s community.”

Amaechi feels it is his honor to serve as grand marshal and sees his role as supporting activists who are trying to make change in their communities.

“I am honored to return to Salt Lake City and be the grand marshal for the Utah Pride Festival,” Amaechi said. “Events like the Utah Pride Festival are important to unite the community and celebrate those individuals who work tirelessly to promote acceptance and equality for all people in the GLBT community regardless of age, race, ethnicity, gender or sexual orientation.”

“From a personal perspective, I just want to say I appreciate [the people in Utah] so much, because so many of them made my life so tangibly better when I lived in Salt Lake City,” said Amaechi. “Their support, kindness and friendship is something that I will never forget. I’ll never for a second regret my time in Utah because of them. Q

Utah Pride Festival 2007 Events and Schedule

QSaltLake will bring you a complete Pride Guide with the next issue, due on the streets May 31. In the meantime, you can plan your weekendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s activities with this schedule.

Thursday, May 31 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Damn These Heelsâ&#x20AC;? Film Festival Through June 3 Opening Night â&#x20AC;&#x153;Extravaganzaâ&#x20AC;? at the Tower Theatre showing â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.â&#x20AC;? See the whole schedule in our next issue ar at damntheseheels.com.

Pride InterFaith Service 6-9pm at The United Church For Christ A spiritual evening starting with a potluck, a service thereafter, followed by a social gathering.

Friday, June 1 The Festival at Washington and Library Squares Opens Friday at 6:30pm Grand Marshal Reception, Festival Site (main entrance opens 6:00pm)

Utah Pride begins its eveningâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s festivities and entertainment with the annual Grand Marshal Reception at The Diamond Lounge. This yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s grand marshal is John Amaechi. The special invitation reception will open at 6:30pm with cocktails and hor dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ouerves, and mingling with Mr. Amaechi, city representatives, and sponsors. A formal welcome and other presentations will commence around 7pm. And since youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all ready the first ones here, of course this gets you the best spot to see Sheena Easton.

As a fundraising activity for the Utah Pride Center (to enable The Center to expand its hours and curriculum), admission to this evening is $100 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or, the Gold Pride Passport for entry to all events.

An Evening with Sheena Easton Pride Main Stage at Festival Grounds (opens about 7:30pm, concert at around 8:30pm)

To attend this event, you must either purchase the Gold Passport, or the all-weekend event Pride Passport or pay $25 at the door for the concert only. Main gate entry opens around 7:30pm, in time to grab a brew or two, socialize, and get yourself a great spot for the 8:30pm show. After the concert, feel free to stick around a bit, have another brew through 11pm (Now take â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;er easy â&#x20AC;&#x201D; thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s two more days and nights of Pride).

Saturday, June 2 Pride Festival: United for Equality â&#x20AC;&#x201D; A Celebration For Everyone Festival Grounds @ Washington & Library Squares

The â&#x20AC;&#x153;Taste of Prideâ&#x20AC;? Food Court promises to please any palate. And did we mention beverages? Brew brought to you by the King of Beers, Budweiser, flowing in five locations. And this year the festival introduces the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bacardi Beachâ&#x20AC;? (yep, that fun and sunny spot for you to relax, take off your shirt, suntan, play volleyball with mates, and enjoy a Bacardi Slush, brought to you by Cactus and Tropicals).

Coca-Cola products are in abundance, including performance waters and Dasani. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Coffee Groundsâ&#x20AC;? will provide a cool and refreshing, iced latte, tea or coffee (and â&#x20AC;&#x153;coffee houseâ&#x20AC;? entertainment taâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; boot!).

Dyke March/Political Rally 4pm, , City Creek Park to the Festival

Dust off your boots, slip on your stilettos and strap on your drum. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the sixth annual SLC Dyke March. Why do we march? We march for freedom, for power, for visibility, for sisterhood, for love, for control of our bodies and our identities, for self-defense, for dignity, for human rights, for our children, for joy, for liberation, for sex, for equality, for justice, for our lives, for ALL women. This year we estimate a crowd of more than 500 women. The rally begins at 4:00 at the City Creek Park located on North Temple and State Street.

Be inspired by passionate and powerful women of different age generations. Bring your bikes, your dogs, your drums, your signs, your kids, your family and your own fabulous dyke self for some old fashioned community building and empowerment as we step off the curb sharply at 4:30 and march down State Street and past Temple Square.

Opening Ceremonies 7pm, the Pride Main Stage En Vogue 8pm, Pride Main Stage Just Wanna Dance!

With DJ duo Nick James & Jesse Walker, featuring the the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dance-O-Lettesâ&#x20AC;? reunited!

Following En Vogue

Festival exhibitor and food venues will wind down about 7pm, deferring to the eveningâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s entertainment. With your Pride Passport, or Two-day Party Pass, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll already be enjoying the dayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s festivities, but if you just go for EnVogue and the Pride Dance, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just Wanna Dance!â&#x20AC;? you can get in at the door for $10 after 4pm only. Dance will close around 11pm.

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Sunday, June 3 Pride Parade 10am, Downtown (up State St. and down 2nd East) Downtown SLC is where you wanna be, much before 10am for a good spot! This year, your Pride Passport will get you a seat in the grand stands! The Parade heads up State Street and back down 200 East, funneling all of us into the Festival Grounds.

This year, see Grand Marshal John Amaechi lead the way with nearly 50 entrants of fun and frolic! Of course, the parade is free!

Pride Festival: United for Equality, Festival Grounds @ Washington & Library Squares

There are plenty more fun and more memories to be made with good friends, and for sure, with a few new friends along the way. Everything opens again at 11am, and this time we feature a whole new round of great entertainment on three stages.

Entry for today is just like the Festival of old, only $5, or get in with your Pride Passport or Two-day Party Passport (see Ticket info).

Pride Closing Social â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tea-Partyâ&#x20AC;?

5pm at The Depot featuring Salt Lakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own, DJ K

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t â&#x20AC;&#x153;pull out earlyâ&#x20AC;? from the festival, cuz a musical and entertainment orgasmic event is our closing social. Introducing this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s very first Sunday Tea Party*, complete with DJ kâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tunes a-playinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; and sexy go-go guyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and galâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a-dancinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; at The Depotâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Main Dance Venue (at The Gateway Mall), with finger foods available from 7â&#x20AC;&#x201C;9pm and open cash bars on both floors. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll definitely wanna dance the early evening away until 10pm-ish. Use your Gold or Pride Passport one last time (arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you glad youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got one after 3 days of fun), or $5 at the door.

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QSaltLake is, of course, a Proud Sponsor of Utah Pride

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The Utah Pride Festival opens Saturday at 11am in the heart of Salt Lake City at Washington & Library Squares with more than 120 exhibitors and vendors participating this year. Got kids with yaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;? Check out this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s magical Kidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Arena (toddlerâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;12).

The Youth Zone offers a cool place for Queer Youth (13â&#x20AC;&#x201C;18) to hang out, enjoy shade, popsicles, volleyball, and more with special guests, like the Drag Queen Enforcers.

This year Pride also introduces three venues of entertainment. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll find a toe-tappinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; musical and enjoyable good time all day from noon until 6pm at the Pride Main Stage (NE corner of Washington Square), the Pride Community Stage (south end of City County Building) and the Coffee Grounds.

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The Gay Agenda YOUR CALENDAR OF ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT & IMPORTANT EVENTS

So QSaltLake sent me to Las Vegas last weekend for a media promotion for ‘Gay Days & Nights,’ a new gay event in Sin City this July. It’s so freaking fabulous how exposed we’ve become and our exposure will only get more prominent — you’ll be able to see the pimples on our ass.

16WEDNESDAY Q It is often said our bodies are our temples ... but lately mine feels like the Temple of Doom. If I believed in prayer, I’d pray for less spontaneous growth of body hair in warm dark places. Anyhoo, Lavender Tribe presents Universal Body Intelligence, a workshop providing insight to our physical bodies. Learn to control that free flow ... of hair.

7:30–9:00pm, Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West. Free, 539-8800 or u ­ tahpridecenter.org.

18FRIDAY Q Beat the Memorial weekend rush by taking part in the Southern Utah GLBT Health Summit. This weekend-long “retreat,” presented by the Utah AIDS Foundation, offers a BBQ, pool party, tennis, Cyber Sluts Bingo, health forums, free HIV testing and plenty more. Ah, the Sluts in 100 degree

8

weather ... now there’s the melted icing on the cake.

Through Sunday, Green House Bed & Breakfast, 162 S. 300 West, St. George.

Suggested donation $15, 244-0976 or utahaids.org.

Q As part of a five-day residency (May 15–19) with choreographer Kari Hoass, TRASA urban arts collective presents her new show Plastic Memory. The performance explores the play between society’s collective memory and code, and the individual’s private memory and references by investigating the symbiotic relationship between memory and emotion as vehicles for expression of identity. Featuring Sittibancha Bahmpen, Silje Høgaas, Mei-Yin Ng and Antonio Ramos, the show changes with each venue.

7pm, through Saturday, The Pickle Company, 741 S. 400 West. Tickets $10–15, 450-8977 or thepicklecompany.org.

Q The Salt Lake Acting Company pokes fun at Rocky Anderson during this year’s fund raiser Rocky Roast, hosted by Chris Vanocur. Roasters include Pat Bagley, Tom Barberi, Jim Braden, Babs DeLay and Dani Eyer.

The Radical Cheerleaders perform and the Saliva Sisters belt out a lovely rendition of “Rocky Mountain High.” I hope they serve Rocky Road ice cream.

7pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $78, 363-0526 or saltlakeactingcompany.org.

The Killers See May 31.

19SATURDAY Q The 12th annual Strut your Mutt pays tribute to Dorothy and Toto with the theme “The Wizard of Paws.” Ruby red sneakers are encouraged, and for those who can sprint in heels like one of Charlie’s Angels are welcome to wear ruby red sling-backs and the such.

8am(registration)–9:15am(walk), Sugarhouse Park, 2100 S. 1500 East. Fee $25/adv–$30/day of (single) or $45/adv– $55/day of (couple), 1-866-UTAHPETS or utahpets.org.

Q Well piss on Tatum Channing’s abs and call it the yellow brick road, the Utah Museum of Fine Arts is also celebrating the Wizard of Oz with a screening of the 1939 film. It’s presented in conjunction with The Art of Robert Sabuda: Travels in Time and Space exhibition, who also illustrated the classic book by L. Frank Baum.

Noon, Dumke Auditorium, Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, UofU. Free, 581-6493 or umfa.utah.edu.

Q When we hear the term madness, we think of foolish and outrageous behavior like filing a $65 million “emotional distress” lawsuit against a dry cleaner for losing a pair of slacks, and then declining a $12 thousand settlement. Duh! But sometimes madness can be fun, such as Plan-B Theatre’s annual brow-beater SLAM. Witness the madness as five 10-minute plays are created, rehearsed and performed in 24 hours.

8pm, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $15, 355-ARTS or arttix.org.

Q Cirque du Soleil’s Delirium is literally a circus of unforgettable dancing, awe-inspiring special effects and fascinating urban music. The show will leave you as delirious as earth-moving sex. Come on, I know you know what I’m saying.

8pm, through Sunday, E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Drive. Tickets $36.50–107, 467-8499 or smithstix.com.

20SUNDAY Q I understand Sundays are hard to

deal with for many people, but I suggest hitting the park and cheering on the teams of the Pride Community Softball League. Really, the teams are quite good except for QSaltLake; however, Q’s definitely the most attractive team, and that should be reason enough to get off your hungover asses and support them.

11am–4pm, Sundays through Aug. 19, Jordan Park, 100 S. 900 West. Free.

22TUESDAY Q If you’re a goober like me and watch PBS, than you’ve probably seen the fantastic group Celtic Woman. Formed in 2005, the group features the special talents of four Irish female vocalists and an exciting fiddle player. Under the direction of composer David Downes, they have created a wonderful musical experience, both in solo and ensemble numbers.

7pm, E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Drive.

Tickets $43–63, 467-8499 or smithstix.com.

23WEDNESDAY Q Lavender Tribe is a nonprofit spirituality group for the GLBT community, and for some reason I have not been aware of many activities in the past year. But, I’m happy to say they’re back with classes all month long.

Tonight’s workshop details a historical interpretation into the art of Reiki and is lead by Lindsay Wright-Geurts.

7:30–9pm, Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West. Free, 539-880 or utahpridecenter. org.

24THURSDAY Q In celebration of Wasatch Theatre Company’s 10th anniversary, the unique amateur arts organization founded by a group of Westminster students showcases The Complete Works of William Shakespeare — Abridged. I can’t imagine abridging Shakespeare — that would be like curtailing the algebraic number theory. It would seriously make your brain go “Whooaa!”

8pm, through June 17, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway.

Tickets $15, 355-ARTS or arttix.org.

SAVETHEDATE

While our community is large enough to support multiple events on the same day, it is still often good to check what other organizations are doing before planning your major group’s activities.

QSaltLake brings you this calendar of major annual events.

May 27 RCGSE Coronation, Sheraton City Centre rcgse.org May 31 Pink Party, Hotel Monaco, utahaids.org June 1–3 Utah Pride Festival, Library Square utahpride.org June 8 Broadway Babies, Libby Gardner Hall saltlakemenschoir.org June 9 True Colors Tour, USANA Amphitheatre smithstix.com June 9–Oct. 20 Farmers’ Market Pioneer Park Saturdays June 21–24 Utah Arts Festival, Library Square uaf.org

July 30 “And the Banned Played On,” Plan B Theatre Co., ­planbtheatre.org

Aug. 9–12 PWACU River Trip pwacu.org Aug. 26 Utah Pride Center Golf Classic utahpride.org Aug. 29 Equality Utah Allies Dinner, Salt Palace equalityutah.org SEPT. 16 PWACU End of Summer BBQ, pwacu.org SEPT. 27–29 Out & Equal Workplace Summit 2007, Washington D.C. outandequal.org OCT. 5 Salt Lake Men’s Choir 25th Anniv. Fundraiser, Ladies’ Literary Guild saltlakemenschoir.org Nov. 2–8 Salt Lake Gay and Lesbian Film Festival saltfest.org Nov. 6 Election Day DEC. 1 Red Ribbon Party, Hotel Monaco, utahaids.org

June 23 Human Rights DEC. 7–8 Campaign Utah Gala, Salt Lake Men’s Choir Home of Bruce Bastian, 25th Anniversary hrc.org Holiday Concert, June 30 First Baptist Church, Gay Freedom Day, ­saltlakemenschoir.org Harmony Park pride365.org If you would like your event considered for July 21–23 this list, email tony@­ 2007 Bear Ruckus, qsaltlake.com.

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25FRIDAY Q Ballet West presents An Evening of Ballets, which contains three popular pieces: André Prokovsky’s breathtaking Vespri, a pas de deux from Marius Petipa’s Le Corsaire and John Butler’s masterful Carmina Burana, a choral/ theatrical work based on a collection of thirteenth century songs composed and arranged by Carl Orff.

7:30pm, through June 2, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $17–65, 355-ARTS or arttix.org.

Q RCGSE’s 32nd Coronation continues with PR Ball — A Night with Alice in Wonderland. Michael and I are planning to go as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, respectively. [Editor’s Note: Wait! We said it was the other way around!] Don’t miss out on all the Coronation events — see the whole lineup on the next page.

6pm, Sheraton City Centre, 150 W. 500 South. Tickets $10, rcgse.org.

29TUESDAY Q Southern California’s indie pop duo Goldenboy and Chris McFarland take the stage tonight with local phenom Starmy (if you haven’t heard these guys, you’re missing out!). This is sure to be a super duper fantabulicious night.

9pm, Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East. Tickets $6 through 24tix.com or $7 at the door.

31THURSDAY Q The Killers are killer ... I mean their music is so killer, it just kills me.

Whoever doesn’t think The Killers are killer is a killjoy who should be shipped off to Kilimanjaro. Louis XIV opens.

8pm, Saltair, 12408 W. Salt Air Drive, Magna. Tickets $27, 467-8499 or smithstix.com.

Q Hotel Monaco and Bambara celebrate GLBT pride and would like to say “thank you” with their fund raising Pink Party. Enjoy themed drinks and apps while rubbing elbows and crotches with some fabulous folks. Proceeds benefit the Utah AIDS Foundation.

5–7pm, Hotel Monaco, 15 W. 200 South.

Suggested donation $10, please RSVP to brad.underwood@hotelmonaco.com.

Upcoming Events

June 6 — Harry Connick Jr., Abravanel Hall June 8 — John Mayer, Las Vegas June 8 — Salt Lake Men’s Choir — Broadway Babies, Libby Gardner Hall June 14 — Diana Krall, Las Vegas June 25 — Fall Out Boy, E Center July 15 — Lyle Lovett/k.d. Lang, Deer Valley July 21 — Jewel, Deer Valley Resort Aug. 25 — Ub40, Las Vegas Aug. 28 — Josh Groban, Energy Solutions Arena

What Makes The Cliks Click: an Interview with Lucas Silveira

By Gregg Shapiro

Queer bands are becoming more and more visible and are finding ways in which to distinguish themselves from the pack. The Cliks do so in a couple of ways. Musically, there sound has a harder rocking edge to it than some of the others, which goes a long way in setting them apart. Also, having a transgender front person, as they do in Lucas Silveira, is the kind of thing that is destined to earn them more attention.

The Cliks, whose debut disc “Snakehouse” (Silver Label/Tommy Boy) was released in April 2007, are one of the bands on Cyndi Lauper’s multi-act True Colors tour, and I spoke with Lucas shortly before he and The Cliks hit the road.

Gregg Shapiro: Nine of the ten songs on “Snakehouse” are credited to you as writer. What can you tell me about your songwriting process?

Lucas Silveira: It kind of depends. Every song is different. But I can do something as simple as sit in a room — I usually just kind of like to be on my own — I’ll sit in a room and come up with something that’s knocking at my gut. I can come up with the guitar first, then the lyrics after or a melody first and then add guitar. Sometimes I’ll have a tune in my head that I’ll be humming for days. I actually have this cell phone that records stuff, so a lot of times I end up singing stuff into my phone (laughs).

GS: So people see you walking down the street doing that, and they think, “Wow, that’s so sweet! He’s singing to someone on his cell phone.”

LS: (Big laugh) That’s funny!

GS: Who would you consider to be your biggest musical influences?

LS: I think in the last few years Jeff Buckley had a huge impact on me. My roots are kind of all over the place. I listened to the Beatles a lot when I was a kid because of my parents. A lot of old rock and roll like Kiss, Blondie, The Pretenders, and then when I got older I listened to a lot of R&B and soul music. I listened to a lot of Motown. Some Concrete Blondie, and Motley Crue and Ozzy Osbourne. I kind of go all over the place.

GS: I’ll say! That’s interesting because a number of the songs, including “Misery,” “Eyes in the Back of My Head,” “Start Leading Me On,” and “Whenever,” have a bluesy quality to them.

LS: Well, I listened to Jimi Hendrix religiously for two to three years of my life.

GS: “Complicated” and “Oh Yeah” are great songs for dancing. Do you have a preference, one way or the other, for songs that have a slow burning impact or those that get people up and moving?

LS: No, I think every song has its place. I think there is some stuff on the album where the energy and the essence of the song was a little bit more aggressive, I think Morgan, our drummer, captured that. A lot of the beat stuff, I will credit to her, giving it that back bone. I think (with) the slow songs, when we’re trying to get people into a moody atmosphere, get them to listen to the lyrics, if you pull back a little bit, it’s easier to do that. I do like performing fast songs! I think it’s really fun to see people dancing around and stuff.

GS: The Cliks also do a cover of Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me a River.” Why was that song chosen for inclusion on the disc?

LS: I came into band, one time, kind of singing it because I had been in a situation where I was in a really bad break up.

I had a long term relationship ended after six and a half years. I really connected to the lyrics of the song; it’s a really great song, and I brought it in. I’ve always thought that the song itself, even though it’s great, I felt a little more aggressive about what was being said. We started doing it as a band and when our producer, Mo Berg, came in, he was like, “You guys have to put that on the album.” I think it really fit with the content of the album; it’s kind of a break up album. It was pretty much right in there with the rest of it. It fit the whole mood.

GS: Has there been any feedback from Justin or his camp?

LS: Not yet. We know he apparently has gotten a copy. We met his booking agent from Germany named Steven who told us that he gave him a copy, but we haven’t heard anything. It would be really cool to know what he thinks of it, actually.

GS: On The Cliks’ website there’s a picture of you in which there appears to be some elaborate ink-work on your forearm. Is there a story behind it?

LS: Yeah, I actually have a full sleeve and continuing work. The part I think you can see is I have a dragon on my arm and it’s rising out of flames and at the bottom it has a name, Ripley. Ripley was my first dog and I’m an animal lover. He was pretty much my kid and when he passed away it was the first death that I had in my life. I took it really, really hard and I did it to commemorate him and I did this dragon because dragons signify protection. I always thought that he was looking out for me and that he still is, so that’s why I did it.

GS: The Cliks are on the True Colors Tour which hits the road in June. How did that come to pass?

LS: Essentially, our record label and our A&R woman, Rosie Lopez, have been working alongside Logo, the MTV network who is sponsoring the event. They have been extremely supportive of our band. (At the time of the interview) our video is number one on the Click List, and all that. Also, Cyndi Lauper’s manager was very into the band and asked us to come on board. I think it’s pretty perfect for a band like us right now.

GS: As a transgender person, you represent the T in the GLBT community. What does it mean to you to be a representative of the trans community on the True Colors Tour?

LS: It’s an honor. It’s pretty much new to a lot of people and I think a lot of people are a little inquisitive about the “T” in GLBT because it hasn’t something that’s been talked about and a lot of people aren’t very open about. I am hoping that I can open a lot of people’s eyes to this, including the gay, lesbian and bisexual community.

Because, I think on both sides of the camp, there’s a lot of education that needs to be done. I’m not there to educate people, per se, but I’m there to go, “We do this, too, and we’re here, just like everybody else.”

It feels cool and I’m looking forward to hearing what people have to say.

The Cliks will perform at the True Colors Tour with Cyndi Lauper, Erasure, the Dresden Dolls and Margaret Cho at the USANA Amphitheater Saturday, June 9. Tickets are through SmithsTix.com

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Q Well it’s that time of year again, and with Kim Russo’s frat boy tude and Kyra’s angelic beauty, this year’s Coronation should be more fun than tearing pages out of the program. Shhh ... did I write that out loud? Anyhoo, the five-day event begins with the In Town Awards & Monarch Roast. Anyone got a spiquet?

8pm, Paper Moon, a private club for members, 3737 S. State Street. Free, 7130678.

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Hollywood Buzz

By Ross von Metzke

You know, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve formed myself a new little habit. Not a Lindsay Lohan-sized habit, but something healthier and ultimately more fulfilling.

No, my habit has to do with how I kick off this column. While I know most of you look forward to trash-talking Hollywood starlets and fashion victims right alongside me each week, I also know you love a good set of abs â&#x20AC;&#x201D; which is why Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve taken to introducing each week with a different hunk of the hour.

And this week is no exception. In fact, I must admit, there are very few people on Earth I go totally nuts over, but one of them is, without question, Falcon Exclusive Roman Heart.

Yes, a porn star, folks. One wearing clothing in these photos, however little of it. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re one of those people who follows the soap opera-style travails of the adult entertainment industry, you know that Roman used to be linked at the hip to Rascal Exclusive Benjamin Bradley. They parted ways; Ben hooked up with Brat Boy School founder Ethan Reynolds, and the two of them paired up with Ginch Gonch to be their undie spokesmodels.

Now Romanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got an underwear line of his own: Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s representing Andrew Christian in photos for the summer swimwear campaign. Brace yourselves.

You might need a dip in the deep end after feasting your eyes on this guy.

Nothing in the news this week is getting nearly as much attention as Paris Hilton. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because the clockâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ticking

until she zips up her orange jumper, hops the bus to northern California and tallies 45 days behind bars.

Will she actually go?

That remains to be seen, though the hotel heiress and attempted actress is doing anything and everything possible to rally support and get the evil judge to overturn his sentence.

Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s played dumb, telling the judge she had no idea she couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t drive after being convicted of a DUI and then being convicted of violating her probation by speeding through the streets of West Hollywood on a suspended license with the headlights off. He asked if sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d ever read

the terms of her suspension as explained out by the DMV. Her response? I have people to read those things.

Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s played apologetic, asking the judge for leniency because she was sincerely sorry for the trouble sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d caused and was the victim of being confused.

Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s played the fame card, teaming with a fan on MySpace to get people to sign a petition and have Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger overturn her sentence.

Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s even played smart, hiring a DUI specialist to get her sentence reduced and releasing a statement through her lawyer saying sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll accept whatever punishment is in store for her â&#x20AC;Ś and that she does not believe she is above the law.

What Paris Hilton has yet to play is the final card in her publicity tour de force, which I can only imagine will be a fifth season special: The Simple Life â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Behind Bars. Paris leading arts and crafts, Paris ordering LeMer and Shiseido for the showers, Paris and any number of Hollywood himboâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s popping out back for a conjugal visit. E! execs are probably creaming in their respective shorts as I type.

One person who refuses to comment on the fiasco is Lindsay Lohan. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s probably because she has enough troubles of her own these days. Despite making a valiant effort to convince her fellow Americans sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gone sober, pics popped up of Lins snorting coke at a club last week.

Her lawyer was livid at the invasion of privacy and her publicist perturbed by the fact that Lins canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even find solace in the ladiesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; room. Round and round they went, but no one bothered to deny the fact that the pictures do indeed show Lindsay sticking a powdery mound of something up her nose.

As if that werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t bad enough, reviews of her latest attempt at being considered a serious actress are pitiful. If possible, Georgia Rule is faring even worse than Jane Fondaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s comeback vehicle, Monster in Law, though Lindsayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s getting better reviews than JLo did for that dud.

The true bashing is aimed squarely at director Garry Marshall, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s charged with trying to make a feel-good movie out of plot devices including alcoholism, abuse, molestation and depression. In a case of life imitating art, critics claim watching Lindsayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wild child portrayal is less interesting than picking up a copy of US Weekly.

Perhaps itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to de-glam and ask Halle Berry how she managed to go from drunken hit-and-run vixen to Academy Award winner.

Those of you who thought weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d heard the last of Bobby and Whitney, think again. No, she hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sent Ray J. packing in hopes of a reconciliation, but Whitney is having more trouble than she probably thought she would getting Bobby out of her life. Minutes before the ink dried and the train wreck that was Bobby and Whitney was but a distant memory, Bobby B. asked a judge to reconsider the terms of their divorce settlement. He claims he deserves to spend more time with Bobbi Kris

and that Whit should pay him spousal support. Oh, and just for good measure, he added that heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been homeless at times since their split.

OK, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m gonna say this plain and simple: Bobby Brown had two hit albums with New Edition and two hit albums as a solo act. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reunited with New Edition not once, not twice, but three times, recording albums, touring the world. For a brief spell, Whitney would even throw him a bone by recruiting him for a duet on one of her albums every now and then.

If Tiffany, Taylor Dayne, Rick Astley, Jody Watley, Ralph Tresvant and all of the other countless 80s acts who havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t put out an album in nearly a decade can manage to stay afloat, why the hell canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Bobby? Cracked though Whitney may have been for years, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clear she has no interest in, or obligation to, paying the way for Bobbyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s countless kids by other women.

Sometimes, a manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gotta be a man. So stop coming after Whitneyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cash and go get a real job, Bob. Hey, Bobby could always take up producing. Word on the street is Kelly Clarksonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s looking for a few good songs.

If rumors are to be believed, Arista mogul and music man Clive Davis took one listen to Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new album, and told her to scrap that crap. Most divas would take Cliveâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s advice to heart; after all, he is credited with making virtually every career in music a success story.

Kelly, though ... she had a slightly different approach. She managed to convince Clive of the impossible, to put his millions behind an album he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe in and trust her.

And you know what? He did.

Though it does seem a tad fishy that the release of Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s album has now been pushed back a month. I mean, if Clive has really come to terms with the fact that Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s putting her album out as is, why would he delay the inevitable?

I have a theory: Kelly really is re-recording, and Clive and Kel have agreed to make it seem like what the public hears is really the album she recorded in the first place. So long as Kel doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t pull a Brit and rerecord â&#x20AC;&#x153;My Perogative.â&#x20AC;?

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s yet another check made out to Bobby; royalties from Britney Spearsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; version.

No sympathy. None.

And on that note, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m signing off. Thanks for playing, as usual, and remember: Always take the time to stop and smell the ­gossip.â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q

RCGSE Monarch History Continued from page 21.

Keisha instituted regulations limiting one pageant title per reign per person. This helped distribute titles more evenly through the court, encouraging more people to run for pageant titles.

1993-94 EMPEROR XVIII MARSHALL BRUNNER / EMPRESS XVIII WALTER Marshall and Walter got along famously, with Walter being an amazing performer and Marshall being incredibly efficient on the business side. Marshall was instrumental in gaining recognition for Wilma to be acknowledged as the seventh elected empress, the Madwoman Empress.

Marshall continues to remain a strong influence in the court. Walter’s talents were honored many times out of town when the RCGSE would bring home the “Best Entrance Award.” The team embraced the powers of the court and used it for the benefit of the community. Their PRs, Peter Christie and Sheneka, were the first to be elected by the community in the general election.

1994-95 EMPEROR XIX WOP / EMPRESS XIX MARCI MALLOY Marci and Wop were the second pair of Monarch’s to serve previously together as Prince & Princess Royale, the first being emperor and empress 14, Gary and Betty John. Wop is our third lesbian emperor. Marci is known far and wide as one of Salt Lake City’s most exciting and energetic performers. Marci also created, by proclamation, The Excellence of the Spike Award which is presented to an individual chosen by the

reigning Monarchs, who has shown extraordinary support to each reign yearly at Coronation. Marci was a passionate and emotional Empress at times. She often broke into tears in her many dramatic and poignant performances.

1995-96 EMPEROR XX PETER CHRISTIE / EMPRESS XX SHENEKA CHRISTIE Peter and Sheneka were the third pair of Monarchs to serve previously together as Prince and Princess Royale. By proclamation, Sheneka created the State Crown, consisting of Golden Spikes set in a band commemorating the founding year of our court, to be worn at all official state functions. Peter created the Drive of the Spike Scholarship fund dedicated to empowering our community through education. At Victory Brunch after stepping down, Peter was named as Heir Apparent to the founder of the International Court System, the Widow Norton, Jose I; is 7th in line of succession, and continues to serve on the International Court Council.

1996-97 EMPEROR XXI ADAM GANZ / EMPRESS XXI TASHA MONTIEL By proclamations, Adam instituted the Emperor’s ring, now given to each Emperor as they complete their reign. In order to recognize individuals who are dedicated to our court from outside of our empire, he created the position of two Citizens For Life per reign.

Tasha was responsible for creating Cancer Awareness Week in March. She also made the top ten titles for each reign, working titles with responsibilities and duties. This ensures more individuals participating in

more activities to create awareness and help raise funds for our community.

1997-98 EMPEROR XXII JEFF KOSEWSKI / EMPRESS XXII YVETTE By proclamation, Jeff requires that candidates running for office hold at least one function during the year prior to their running on order to gain more experience and raise additional funds. He also arranged that the Golden Spike Awards are hosted by the Anniversary Monarchs. Yvette requires that Monarchs and PR’s not receive their numbers until they step down, and that one outstanding board member and two outstanding court members be recognized when the other Emperor and Empress awards are given out. Jeff’s strong business skills and Yvette’s great people skills made them a very strong team.

1998-99 EMPEROR XXIII EARL KANE / EMPRESS XXIII BRIDGETTE Bridgette had only been doing drag a year prior to her being elected Empress. During their reign, Earl and Bridgette had a very successful Carnival weekend and also brought back game shows as a successful fund raiser. Bridgette rebuilt and raffled off a car, raising over $1100! Together they traveled to over 29 different coronations. Earl has served twice as President of the Board, and Bridgette also remains an active member of the community.

1999-2000 EMPEROR XXIV CHRIS TRUJILLO / EMPRESS XXIV VERONIKA The RCGSE was awarded The Red Ribbon Award for a community organization for the second time from the

PWACU during the 24th reign. Veronika hosted one of our most successful Cancer Awareness Weeks. By proclamation, Chris required that each month and each year a court member be recognized for outstanding contributions made to the organization. Veronika did away with proclamations except for Lifetime Titles, and required a review and rewrite of the by-laws every five years to be voted on by the general membership.

2000-01 EMPEROR XXV RHETT / EMPRESS XXV FELICIA The 25th reign enjoyed immense popularity out-oftown and at home. Rhett and Felicia involved the Prince and Princess Royale heavily and the four were strong leaders who led by example. The reign broke many records and did things considered to be “firsts.”

Having a membership body of over 100, providing an information booth at Gay Pride Day and raising a large amount of funds from Carnival are only a few of the great things they accomplished. The 25th reign professionalized the Court’s web site, and created an informative newsletter.

2001-02 EMPEROR XXVI FRANKE HOLT / EMPRESS XXVI CORTNEY CARTIER 2002-03 EMPEROR XXVII BOBBY CHILDERS / EMPRESS XXVII AGNESS MALLOY CHEESECAKE 2003-04 EMPEROR XXVIII MARK THRASH / EMPRESS XXVII HEIDI HO WEST WATERS 2004-05 EMPEROR XXIX MIKE SPERRY / XXIX EMPRESS XXIX SYREN WIND ARCHER VAUGHN 2005-06 EMPEROR XXX PETER JESTER SAVAS / XXX KRYSTYNA SHAYLEE Q

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Gay Geeks (Dirty Broomstick Joke Goes Here)

by JoSelle Vanderhooft joselle@qsaltlake.com

Okay, I promised myself I would save this for July so we could all geekgasm over Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and the movie of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix as one ginormous, geeky bunch of gay geeks, but I promise a lot of things. And anyway, there’s nothing wrong with a little pre-hype hype, is there? Especially when Harry Potter has more queer fans than Rufus Wainwright, Judy Garland and Christopher Guest’s complete works combined.

Okay, maybe that last part was overreaching. But if you spend any time talking to Harry Potter fans in their teens and older, you’ll realize two things: a lot of them are queer and whopping lot of that lot are queer women. Spend any time talking to Harry Potter fans online, and that lot of a lot becomes something like 90%. Maybe more. Harry Potter is a series of books about a heterosexual boy, so why are there so many lesbians and bi-girls among his adult fans?

Ahh, the eternal fandom question.

Kind of like why did those fuckers cancel Firefly/FarScape/my favorite show that was actually good?, or why isn’t The Simpsons funny anymore? Being a queer female Harry Potter fan, I’ve come up with a number of theories over the years, and some of them are actually serious.

Even her publisher persuaded Joanne Rowling to take a gender-neutral pseudonym in order to, you know, get boys to read a book by a stinky girl (marketing’s a real kill-joy, isn’t it?), the Potter books were very much written by a woman. As such, they have a woman’s style and sensibility, even though they’re told from the perspective of an adolescent male. Considering how male fantasy authors have dominated the best seller lists since ... well, Grandaddy Tolkien first thought a book about an evil ring might be a pretty hot story, finally having an über-popular book written by a member of our sex is enough to make any female geek shell out $30 for a hardback every two years. It was enough to get me interested back in 1999, I tell you what.

The queer thing is a little harder to pin down, especially as none of the characters in the book are openly gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. At least officially. I could take up at least two more columns detailing some of the Byzantine arguments fans and lit critics alike have made for just about every character being a flaming queen or a raging dyke (putting “Gilderoy Lockhart” and “likes pussy” in the same sentence, for example, always makes me tumble over laughing). But so far, the only orientation any character has shown is straight. So, what’s up with that?

Plenty, I think. In Rowling’s books, wizards and witches have to stay out of sight because non-magic users (or Muggles — also a fun name to call Michael Aaron when he confuses Dementors and Death Eaters) outnumber them. In fact, Harry’s cruel Aunt Petunia disowned her sister (Harry’s mother) because she thought all witches were all a bunch of

freaks. Sound familiar? Seriously. Uncle Vernon’s tirades against magic would make Focus on the Family proud.

So how exactly does this make Harry Potter popular among queer women?

Patience, my geeky darlings. This is not only aseries written by a woman which deals with issues that feel familiar to queer folks, it’s also a series with Hermione Granger. Is she straight? Yes. Would we have had the courage to ask her out in high school if she wasn’t? Probably not.

That is how awesome she is. She’s smart, wity, brave, strong and the kind of feminist who would make Focus on the Family cry. Oh, yes. And there are plenty of other awesome female characters in the book, both heroic and villainous, to back her up (even if, sadly, the Men Doing Interesting Things in Harry Potter vastly outnumber the Women Doing Interesting Things). No wonder queer geeky gals like Harry Potter. Many of us want to date a woman like Hermione, or at least be a little bit like her. I was sure lucky enough to end up with a woman with her intelligence, bravery and independence.

But don’t take my word for it. Take the words of the queer Harry Potter fans who will take over my column next issue.

That’s right, folks. We’re two months away from the release of Deathly Hallows, and this is the last time I’ll really have to babble about it without sounding like even more of a geek than I am.

Until next time.

JoSelle Vanderhooft is assistant editor of QSaltLake and quite proud to have been sorted into Slytherin on every online Sorting test she has ever taken. Her girlfriend, on the other hand, is consistently sorted into Gryffindor. Oh, the humanity!

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Tap into your

Been â&#x20AC;&#x2122;n Bitched

BY JOSH BARNES AND JONATHAN NICKLE

Equity!

homeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

BITCHES@QSALTLAKE.COM

JDAWG: It has been a busy few weeks hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it bitch?

BITCHED88: Too busy Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m exhausted.

JDAWG: Why is that?

BITCHED: Need you ask? I have one of the most demanding social schedules in Zion.

Paris Hilton was busier than I am, but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m thinking her dance card will have some vacancies on it for a while. For the next 45 days I will be the premier socialite of the country.

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JDAWG: or at least of Salt Lake.

JDAWG: just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t drive with a suspended license. Think of all the summer parties you will miss if you spend the next 45 days dropping soap in the slammer.

BITCHED88: Um ew. But also kind of hot.

Its like ewhot.

be made of exactly?

JDAWG: Tragedy.

BITCHED88: hehe of course.

JDAWG: I think you may have won this time too.

BITCHED88: I was picturing like a twistd coat hanger bedazzled with condoms and those little bags they use to put cocaine in and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m seeing wadded up panty hose.

JDAWG: That basically is tragedy, bitch.

BITCHED88: but also kind of fun BITCHED88: its tragifun JDAWG: its like a circuit party on your head BITCHED88: no its like the morning after the circuit party on your head JDAWG: oh i just giggled.

BITCHED88: we have to make a crown.

NOW JDAWG: Remember Friday night like three weeks ago....you were gypsying everyones drinks and noticed half way down one that you were drinking an ashy long

JDAWG: Anyways, enough about Hilton, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s talk about us.

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BITCHED88: I think the Miss Magna award is the best place to start. Basically we have to start giving out an award for whoever demonstrates the least class between each issue. The award was inspired by that nasty bitch who keeps trying to hog the cage at Sound.

JDAWG: perfect! An award for the trashiest performance in slc. Its like you are crowned with a tragica tiara!

BITCHED88: lol what would a tragica tiara

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island....remember cause there was a cigarette butt someone had put out in the drink

JDAWG: i still think you take home the award

to eat one and chipped her veneers on the terra cotta.

BITCHED88: gypsies tramps and thieves. I like that Gypsying drinks. Its more poetic than stealing.

JDAWG: here’s your crown

JDAWG: shut up

BITCHED88: until next issue when we will bestow it upon some other hot mess, and we will bow to the new Miss Magna

JDAWG: some girl chipped her veneers?

JDAWG: So what else has happened recently my queen?

JDAWG: i want to go

BITCHED88:YEAH i was drunk enough i just picked the ashes out and kept drinking. I do deserve to win.

JDAWG: True, if not you, then who?

BITCHED88: hmmmm i think you came in a close second

BITCHED88: and i will remind you why. we went to that party in the mountains and you were in charge of taking pictures only none of them turned out because you weren’t using a camera, you were taking pics with a survival flashlight with a built in am/fm radio.

JDAWG: i dont remember that BITCHED88: good thing someone had a real camera and took pictures to jog your memory JDAWG: oh...oh. hmmmmm, yeah, there that is BITCHED88: indeed.

BITCHED88: AAagh remember how i challenged Gina Barberi to a vibrator contest?

BITCHED88: and she accepted JDAWG: that was at the x96 radio from hell party wasnt it?

BITCHED88: yeah their singles mixer at Iggy’s. there were many people there who should just stay single. There are lots of things to do that are just as fun as dating; playing halo for hours on end, dungeons and dragons, smoking pot.

JDAWG: or selling shitty laptop computers JDAWG: like dan dan JDAWG: the party was fun though.

BITCHED88: Yeah they had a drawing. Too bad I don’t have a computer to hook up that mouse they gave away.

BITCHED88: Oh yeah, and they had food.

Its unfortunate though that I cant eat until pride. Im saving room for several gallons of mojitos. I just like to smell the food, also I just wanted to see Gina. She is my new hero basically.

JDAWG: why is that?

JDAWG: hmmmm?

BITCHED88: I cant even explain. I thought

BITCHED88: so i hear. OOh and Princess Kennedy was there, and rumor is she is doing a stage production of the Golden Girls..

BITCHED88: I am auditioning for the role of Dorothy Zbornak.

JDAWG: i am so jealous i wish i could join it was her wit and political savy, or maybe its just her hair. whatever it is I’ve decided to make a drag queen version of her. Allow me to introduce my souvenir Vageena Burberry.

JDAWG: sounds hairy BITCHED88: Ew. No thank you. Gina is not hairy. She did that laser thing remember, and I am not hairy either. I couldn’t afford the laser thing so I told my insurance I have cancer and they are giving me chemo. No more unwanted hair.

BITCHED88: Speaking of drag queens, the Landis Grand Salon audition party was brilliant. The food looked so pretty. Kirsten had her models’ hair done like the four elements of the earth. The food was like that too. She had these little cupcakes that looked like flower pots with edible blossoms on them. The pots were not edible however.

Some hungry girl from bikini cuts tried

BITCHED88: I have to find a Miamiesque artist frock to wear. I bet Nova has one.

JDAWG: well I gotta jet. Ttyl BITCHED88: Yeah I better head out too. I haven’t had anything to drink today and it’s already 2pm Maybe I’ll head to Tryangles and Gypsy myself a beer.

In order to expand their literary range, Been ’n Bitched are currently accepting invitations to attend parties and events of all sorts.

Please note if any invitations are received originating from Utah county, Been ‘n Bitched reserve the right to bring a flask.

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To Your Health Are You at Risk for the Newest “Superbug?”

by Lynn Beltran

lynn@qsaltlake.com

There has been much ballyhoo in the news recently regarding antibiotic resistance to gonorrhea. It is now being hailed as the new “superbug” because of its resistance to a common class of drugs called fluoroquinolones. Since the 1990s, these drugs were effective in curing gonorrhea. But studies are now showing they are no longer effective in many cases, particularly those in men who have sex with men.

For many years, the majority of the antibiotic resistant cases were occurring in Asia, parts of Europe, and many of the Pacific Islands including Hawaii. But more recently, these cases have begun appearing in San Francisco, Seattle’s King County and other parts of the United States, particularly among their communities of men who have sex with men. It is now estimated that in some areas of the country, as many as one in four cases of gonorrhea are antibiotic-resistant.

So, why is this important to you? Gonorrhea is the second most reported infectious disease in the country, just behind chlamydia. In fact, the Center for Disease Control reports approximately 700,000 new infections are diagnosed each year.

Gonorrhea rates in Salt Lake County have virtually tripled in the last five years with a significant proportion of those infections occurring among men who have sex with men. This disease is in your community, and if it does become the new “superbug,” you do not want to be infected.

In 2006, Utah had the less than honorable distinction of reporting the fastest growing increase in diagnosed gonorrhea cases in the country. So it’s important that men who have sex with men know about it so they may take steps to protect themselves and get adequate treatment if they’re diagnosed. Left untreated, gonorrhea can cause prostatitis which can lead to erectile dysfunction, arthritis, heart disease and meningitis. It can also cause sterillity and put a person at greater risk of acquiring HIV. What makes this sexually transmitted disease expecially dangerous it that 50 percent of infected people don’t seek treatment because they don’t have any symptoms. And the longer you go without treatment, the greater your risk of complications.

Now, the new line of drugs being recommended makes it slightly more difficult to treat gonorrhea because it requires a shot instead of a pill. Also, this new line of drugs is not as readily stocked, which means there may be a supply shortage, eventually. There are currently no known antibiotic therapies even close to being developed in the event that the disease also resists the new recommended therapy. As Dr. Henry Mansur, president of the Infectious Disease Society of America, put it: “Gonorrhea has now joined the list of other superbugs for which treatment options have become dangerously few” and “to make a bad problem even worse, we’re also seeing a decline in the development of new antibiotics to treat these infections.”

As with all STDs, the best way to cut down your risk of infection is by properly using condoms. It is also recommended that members of the MSM community get routine screening for all STDs due to the high prevalence of infection within the community. Like they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, especially with a possible superbug that may resist that cure.

The Salt Lake Valley Health Department offers low cost STD testing at 610 S. 200 East. To make an appointment or to find out more about the program, call 534-4666. The Salt Lake Valley Health Department STD clinic is committed to providing quality healthcare to all patients in the most confidential and sensitive manner possible.

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B e a u t i f u l Av e nues Caithness Condos, 500 sq ft, 1 bed, ž bath, maple and tile flooring, original vintage stained & leaded glass windows, mosaic tile and glass block, custom screens and a/c, large kitchâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; en, gas stove and fridge stay, great avenues and foothill views, secured entry, pets allowed, moâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; tivated seller priced to sell $130,000. Call Terâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ry Jackson Mitchell 801-347-0333 or Jenniâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; fer Jackson 801-674-4669

Darling Victorian in Marmalade District, 1500 sq ft, 2 master beds with huge walk-in closâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ets, spa-like bath with jetted tub and sep. showâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; er, beautifully updated kitchen, all appliances sta, tall vaulted ceilings, original stained and leaded-glass windows, drought tolerant perenâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; nial garden, close to all the downtown happenâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ings, $279,900, call Terry Jackson Mitchell 801-3470333 or Jennifer Jackson 801-674-4669. Tour properâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ty www.UtahLiving.com

Charming Bungalow 1240 sq ft, 3 bed, main floor master bed, 1½ bath all new flooring, tile, designer paint, built in hutches and bookcasâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; es, new windows, newer appliances, covered paâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; tio, oversized 1-car gaâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; rage, large fenced yard with sprinklers, beautiâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; fully landscaped, perenâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; nials, fruit trees, 2 water shares (water bills are less than $10 a month), short walk to park from home, $239,900. Call Terry Jackson Mitchâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ell 801-347-0333 or Jenniâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; fer Jackson 801-674-4669

HERRIMAN RANCH Absolutely spotless 3 BR rambler in great Rosecrest community.

Close to park, schools, church, shopping. This home is in move in condition with vaultâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ed ceilings, full profesâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; sional landscaping and concrete curbing. Enâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; joy extra living space with new sunroom boasting floor to ceilâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ing windows and beauâ&#x20AC;&#x2018;

500 sq ft, 1 bed, 3/4 bath, wood and tile flooring, floor plan has great flow, new fixtures, stainless steel gas stove & fridge, lots of kitchen cabinets, custom screens and air conditioner, origâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; inal vintage stained and leaded glass winâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; dows, mosaic tile and glass block, courtyard fountain, $145,000. Call Terry Jackson Mitchâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ell 801-347-0333 or Jenniâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; fer Jackson 801-674-4669

West Valley. Perfect home for first time home buyer or investor. Brand new windows, newer roof, AC and bath. Large lot has tons of potential.

Original hardwoods thruâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; out and under linoleum in kitchen. Possible RV parking on side of home.

New counters in kitchâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; en, glass cook top stove.

3 bdrm 1 Bath, $155,000

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PETS FOR SALE

AKC Female Yorkie.

1st shot, wormed, Vacâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; cinated, 1 year health Guarantee cert. 16 wks, potty trained/houseâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; broken. Adorable, cool with kids and other pets. De-wormed, finâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; gers trimmed, health certificate and vaccinaâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; tiful ceiling fan. $305,000 tion available. Interestâ&#x20AC;&#x2018; ed in Precious, contact

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Q Puzzle

Clothes Call

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Puzzle solutions are on page 34.

Puzzle solutions are on page 34.

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6 Come together 7 Small, wet bodies 8 Sarah Paulson and Heather Matarazzo 26 Slangy word for 9 Blow, as a game destroyer, in the navy Across 10 Transvestite boast?

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34 Note to Joe Solmoneseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 47 One well-hung and mak23 â&#x20AC;&#x153;We ___ Familyâ&#x20AC;?

2 Province of 17-Across staff ing big bucks 24 Group of manhunters 3 Piece of the action 36 Blaster for 11-Down 48 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ring My Bellâ&#x20AC;? singer 25 Clark of fashion 4 It makes gelatin get hard 37 Author Crowley and Ward 5 Manse dweller others 50 Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good thing 53 Bear lair 54 End of quip 57 Direction from Stephen Pyles 58 Be active in B&D 59 â&#x20AC;&#x153;... canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe __ __ the whole thingâ&#x20AC;?

61 Deity on Xena 62 Rimbaudâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s room 63 Trick joint, maybe 64 Container weight 65 What you might lend Marc Antony 66 Banjoist Scruggs

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3 4  Q S A LT L A K E  I S S U E 7 8  M AY 16 , 2 0 0 7

Ask a Porn Star Johnny Hazzard Whether he’s from the Wrong Side of the Tracks or from the right side of your fantasies, one thing Channel 1 Releasing bad boy Johnny Hazzard knows for sure is sex. From consoling a guy whose dates turn into booty calls to advising a couple lacking passion in the bedroom, his advice comes from a place of love ... and loads of experience.

Dear Johnny — I’m starting to get really frustrated with guys who say they want to date but only seem to want sex. I’ve always thought that if you really like someone, you should wait to have sex with them, but now I’m wondering if it’s all a bunch of crap. What do you think?

— Impatiently Waiting Hi, Impatiently Waiting — I applaud your traditional approach to sex and relationships, but this is 2007 and you are dealing with men who are also gay.

Talk about throwing gas onto a fire. Most men want one thing whether it happens to be a dick or a pussy; that is how we are programmed. That is not to say that they might not be actively searching for something meaningful.

Sex is very important to my relationships ... as is clear, open communication, honesty and a shared interest in French wine. I tend to sleep with a guy on the first date. I am going to need to find our compatibility level on that issue eventually, so why wait?

Perhaps you are too closed down to the idea? Try this. When on that first or second date, expect that your companion wants

Solutions Cryptogram, from p. 33

Fantasies and Fairy Tales Anagram, from P. 33: Royal Court

Crossword Solution, from p. 33

to get into your pants. This should not be an annoyance — this is a compliment, embrace it. But just because he is pouring on the sugar does not mean you need to drop your pants, unless you really want to.

Politely tell him when it comes up that you are more of a traditional dude; you’d like to wait for the nasty, but you wouldn’t mind going back to your place for a game of tonsil tossing. I know it’s cliche, but if he is going to stick around, he is going to honor your decision. It’s not all a bunch of crap, but it’s a different time and you might have to adapt to a couple of things.

— Johnny Hazzard Dear Johnny — I’ve been dating this guy for a couple of months and I like everything about him, but the sex just isn’t that good. I want to keep dating him but I don’t know how to tell him he’s just not doing it for me in the bedroom. Should I tell him?

— Not Into It Dear Not Into It — Ooooh, do not tell him that at all. My experience with telling guys that sort of thing has been pretty bad. I have found that, like kissing, if you don’t have it already, you’re not going to find it any time soon.

Realize that sex is a pretty big factor for most in determining the success level of a relationship — for you, too, it sounds like.

If you continue to date him, you’d better establish an open relationship so you can get your groove on. If you don’t, you will continue to settle for something you don’t want. This will make you resentful and potentially hurt both of you very much.

All you have to say to him is that it’s not working for you. He’s an adult, I’m assuming, and you are not responsible for his feelings and/or reactions. I strongly advise against continuing to date him — best to be an adult about the situation and move on because the one for you is out there.

— Johnny Hazzard For more information on Johnny Hazzard, visit HazzardXXX.com if you are over 18.

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