QSaltLake Magazine - July 03, 2008

Issue 106 July 3, 2008

Swimwear, Underwear Issue ‘Breast Dialogues’ QUAC Scores Big in DC LDS Members Asked to Defy Church Letter

QSaltLake.com PHOTO: DAVID DANIELS DAV.D PHOTOGRAPHY

Saturday, July 19, 2008 Grand Hall at the Depot

400 W. South Temple • Salt Lake City, Utah Tickets $20 in advance • $25 at the door Social Hour 6:00pm Fashion Show 7:00pm Hula Dancers @ Sunset Silent Auction & Raffle close at 9pm Spin our Wheel of Fortune for a chance to win a fun prize Raffle Tickets $1.00 • Wheel of Fortune $1.00 Please RSVP by Friday, July 11, 2008 Purchase tickets online at www.PWACU.org or call 801-484-2205 Emcee Gus Garcia, as seen on MTV’s Tiara Girls!

Fashions by: Black Chandelier • Fleur de Lis • JMR Lolabella • Olive Couture • Urban Outfitters Sponsors Baxters’s American Restaurant • GlaxoSmithKline • Overstock.com QSaltLake • Sanctuary Day Spa Volunteer Organizations Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corps Produced by Brass Ring Productions

Quips & Quotes

Q World

BY REX WOCKNER

“We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman. Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage.”

Two Policemen Marry in Northern California

Two male cops have gotten married in Northern California.

Santa Rosa police officer Chris Mahurin, 25, and San Rafael police officer Alex Holm, 25, tied the knot June 20 at Paradise Ridge Winery in Santa Rosa.

“It’s just a dream come true,” Holm’s mother, Claire Ann Boyce, told the local Press Democrat newspaper. “It makes me feel like this generation is on its way to have what everyone should have.”

The ceremony was conducted by gay state Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, chief sponsor of the same-sex marriage bill that twice passed the state Legislature only to be vetoed by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The California Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage May 15 and the ruling took effect June 16.

—Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints president Thomas S. Monson and First Counselors Henry B. Eyring and Dieter F. Uchtdorf in a letter to Mormon leadership in California. The letter was read during LDS services on June 29 in the state.

L.A. Mayor Marries Gay Couple 21-Year Partners, Takei and Altman, Pick Up Marriage License Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa conducted a City Hall wedding June 23 for American Beauty producer Bruce Cohen and his husband Gabriel Catone.

Villaraigosa, who is friends with the couple, called it an “honor” to officiate the marriage.

The celebration following the vows was disrupted by Rosalyn Schultz of Hesperia, who took to the podium, identified herself as “the angel of the Trinity,” called same-sex marriage wrong, and called Villaraigosa an “adulterer.”

She later told the Los Angeles Times that legalization of same-sex marriage will cause earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes.

Cohen, who won an Oscar for American Beauty, told City News Service the disruption “added spice” to his wedding and didn’t “change the fact that we are legally married.”

San Francisco Politicians Boycott HRC

Key gay politicians in San Francisco will boycott the Human Rights Campaign’s 2008 San Francisco Bay Area Gala at the Westin St. Francis Hotel on July 26.

They include city Supervisors Tom Ammiano and Bevan Dufty, state Assemblyman Mark Leno and state Sen. Carole Migden.

The politicians are upset over HRC’s support last year of a version of the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act that would protect gay and bisexual people but not transgender people.

Nearly 400 local, state and national GLBT groups also oppose the measure, which has passed the U.S. House and now is in the Senate.

“The Human Rights Campaign should not be human rights cowards,” Ammiano said at a news conference, according to a June 25 report in the San Francisco Chronicle.

HRC President Joe Solmonese told the paper that the organization felt obligated to support a bill that would protect gay, lesbian and bisexual people, “even though we ... would not have chosen that course” of leaving out protections based on gender identity.

4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

George Takei, who played Sulu on the original Star Trek series, and his fiancé, Brad Altman, picked up their marriage license in West Hollywood June 17.

Takei, 72, and Altman, 54, have been together for 21 years.

“May equality live long and prosper,” Takei said.

‘Orange County Register’ Supports Same-sex Marriage The biggest daily newspaper in California’s populous and conservative Orange County has come out against the November ballot referendum aimed at amending the state constitution to re-ban same-sex marriage.

“Our preference would be for the government not to be involved in marriage, the most fundamental of institutions in a civil society,” the newspaper editorialized. “Why two people who want to be married should be required to get a license from the state is something of a mystery.”

“As a practical matter, however, the government has so entwined itself into our daily lives that state recognition is important,” the paper continued. “Considering all this and the importance of equality before the law, the high court’s decision was justified.”

The editorial also dismissed the notion that allowing same-sex marriage infringes upon the religious freedom of gay-marriage opponents.

“Church and state are correctly separate in this country, and the fact that the state recognizes a union as a marriage doesn’t mean that a religious person or institution has to recognize it or approve of it,” the paper said. “It’s hard to imagine a minister, rabbi or imam who objects to same-sex marriages being forced to perform one.”

Orange and San Diego counties, given their large populations and less-than-liberal political histories, are seen as possibly key to

defeating the November referendum, which is expected to fail easily in Los Angeles County and the San Francisco Bay Area, the state’s other two huge population centers.

San Diego County’s largest newspaper, The San Diego Union-Tribune, has yet to editorialize on the ballot initiative. But in a June 21 radio appearance, U-T editorial page editor Bob Kittle said: “Public opinion generally has shifted quite a bit on this issue. ... The argument against gay marriage, from many people at least, has been: This threatens traditional marriage. I think that argument doesn’t hold water and I think the experience that we’re going to have in California, now that same-sex couples are being married, is that it has no impact whatsoever on other marriages. ... It does not threaten marriage between a man and a woman. It simply doesn’t, you know — we’re going to find that out.

“I think gay marriage will be accepted in the years ahead; it will become commonplace and it won’t ... lead to moral decay in our country,” Kittle said.

Daily-newspaper editorials and endorsements are seen as important by the activists battling the ballot initiative because readers of daily newspapers skew older and polling has found that Californians older than 50 are the only age group in which a majority of those questioned oppose same-sex marriage.

As a practical matter, however, the government has so entwined itself into our daily lives that state recognition is important

“We are extremely disappointed in their action. This is a matter of civil marriage. It doesn’t affect religious marriage.”

—David Melson, senior assistant executive director of gay Mormon group Affirmation, criticizing the LDS Church’s letter against gay marriage in the Deseret News.

“This latest LDS political missive also declares that ‘marriage between a man and a woman is ordained by God.’ A man and a woman, singular. A fascinating declaration from the one Western religion notorious for polygamy. That is, marriage between one man and one woman and one more woman and yet another woman, etc. The LDS church flip-flopped on this issue only when it became clear that Utah would not gain statehood without such a reversal.

Apparently the definition of marriage isn’t quite as unyielding and unchanging as some gay-marriage opponents would have us all think.”

—American Chronicle columnist Candace Talmadge, blasting the LDS Church for its letter urging California Mormons to vote in favor of amending the state’s constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage.

“As I think about the gay marriage battle, I can’t help but realize how ridiculous it is. Marriages in this country are ending faster than they begin, and it only seems to be getting worse. With marriage rates at an all-time low, do we really want to allow even more people to get married? Why not legalize marriage for 14year-olds while we’re at it?”

—Provo resident Deborah Peterson supporting the LDS Church’s letter against gay marriage in California in a letter to The Salt Lake Tribune.

Q Utah ‘Breast Dialogues’ to Return to Center

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

Breasts. Boobs. Mammaries. Titties.

They’ll all be on display at the Utah Pride Center on July 19.

At least in monologue form.

This summer marks the fourth anniversary of The Breast Dialogues, an evening of monologues and stories written by local women (and sometimes men) on all of the issues surrounding breasts in U.S. culture, from the awkwardness of those first little buds in adolescence, to accounts of surviving sexual abuse, funny and beguiling stories about breasts and sexuality to brushes with breast cancer.

In fact, the show got its start in 2004 when the Center received a grant from the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation, which promotes education on breast cancer, outreach services to patients and disease prevention. The grant instructed the Center to talk to women – particularly lesbians and bisexuals – about their risks.

The result, said Jennifer Nuttall, the

Center’s Adult Programs director, was to combine entertainment wit education. “The Vagina Monologues were going on then as they still are today, so we thought how to do something about breasts dialogues – dialogues because there are two of them,� she said.

At first, Center leadership partnered with the Community Writing Center at Salt Lake Community College to help biological women and male-to-female transgender women to write their own monologues. The result, said Nuttall, was “a magical performance.� “When you have individuals getting up and sharing things that are personal to them, it’s really powerful,� she said.

The performance was so powerful that the Center has continued doing it since, sometimes having the writers perform and sometimes having actors read the monologues, as they did in last year’s Best of the Breast at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center. This year, however, the show is back in its original home – the Center’s black box theatre. And it will also have some familiar faces.

One of these is Leslie Weeks, a lesbian who had a double mastectomy in 2001 after being diagnosed with breast cancer.

Weeks’ sister died at age 40 from burns she received during radiation treatments for the same disease. To explain why The Breast Dialogues is an important event for her, Weeks simply reads from her monologue, which she has performed nearly every year since the project’s beginning. In her story, she recounts finding the tumor during a self-examination, discovering that the cancer had entered her blood stream and her efforts to educate herself about her treatment options while remaining calm and strong for her then-seven-year-old daughter. At one

point, Weeks said she took the girl on a long car trip to show her where her family roots came from, and to prepare her emotionally if the worst happened. “I knew she had to be strong, regardless of outcome,� said Weeks. “She almost lost me during a court custody battle and she wasn’t prepared to lose me again,� she tears up for a moment then says, “I’m sorry. This just brings back memories.�

Cases such as Weeks’ are the reason women and men should be educated about breast cancer. This is even truer among queer women and transgender people, according to Nuttall, because issues like the fear of discrimination by healthcare providers can keep women away from the examination table and at more risk for finding breast cancer late or not at all. “The discrimination is real,� she said. “It is happening. It can be overt or covert but it’s being picked up on that healthcare providers aren’t comfortable with this population [queer people] and aren’t providing opportunities to talk about their identity. The burden of disclosure is on the patient who is often in vulnerable position. When you’re on the table naked, that’s not the best place to be to disclose.�

Additionally, Nuttall identified the lesbian and female bisexual community’s statistically higher rates of substance abuse (of tobacco and alcohol) and obesity and the lesser likelihood of having a child before age 30 as risk factors, especially when combined with delayed medical care and later detection of breast tumors.

Although research into the rates of breast cancer in transgender people is still in its infancy, Nuttall also said that hormone replacement therapy has sometimes been linked to breast cancer, as it has been in menopausal women who take estrogen. In 2004 the National Cancer

Institute determined that breast cancer survivors who took estrogen replacement had three times as many breast cancer recurrences as survivors who did not take hormones. “If you’re taking a lot of estrogen or testosterone, you should be getting regular screenings and taking care of your breast health,� she said.

To further emphasize the fact that breast cancer can strike regardless of sex or gender identification, Nuttall said that a female-to-male transgender man and a biological man are scheduled to perform monologues this year. The Center is also looking to have literature about transgender people, lesbians and bisexual women and breast cancer available at the performance. However, she added that very little literature is available for transgender people.

Additionally, the Center maintains an online healthcare provider directory of local physicians whom locals have rated as being gay-positive. Although Nuttall said that the Center can’t vouch for the list’s accuracy, she emphasized that each physician on the list receives a training packet from the Center about how to be more “sensitive� to queer patients’ needs.

This year, as in years past, Weeks said she will perform her monologue during The Breast Dialogues. Hers is a story, she says, that people need to hear, not only to provide solace and solidarity, but to encourage them to take responsibility for their healthcare. “You can make your own decisions, but you can’t ignore it,� she said. “Anything you make is better than nothing.� ‘The Breast Dialogues’ will be presented at 7:00 p.m. Saturday, July 19 at the Utah Pride Center Multi-purpose Room.

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Community Briefs

Q Utah

Stonewall Dems to Party Down

Martial Artist to Teach Body Awareness Workshop On July 19, Columbus, Ohio-based martial artist and body awareness education specialist Paul Linden will pick a volunteer from the audience and throw a tissue at his or her face to prove a point.

“People can identify that it’s a tissue, they know that if I hit them as hard as possible with a tissue it would be a trivial thing.

Yet anyone with issues around boundary violations will have a definite response, as though the tissue were a stone being thrown at them.”

This lesson is one of many Linden will teach in his workshop “Embodying Power – For LGBTQ Individuals.” Part of the Utah Pride Center’s ‘Pride in You’ series, the workshop will focus on body awareness training “for achieving calmness, inner strength, and compassion in a world of discrimination, rejection, and conflict.” In other words, to teach gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people how to become less fearful and more able to truly interact with their surroundings — abilities that Linden says anti-gay prejudice has often hampered.

The techniques Linden has developed are largely based on Aikido, a Japanese martial art that emphasizes not attacking an opponent, but using an opponent’s energy to push him or her away. Because it relies on this technique, Aikido is largely focused on the art of mindful movement.

When Linden began practicing Aikido nearly 40 years ago, he says he was “a nonathlete and a bookworm” who “didn’t have an awareness of [my] body to do what I was shown.” Instead of giving up, however, he spent what he estimates was “thousands of hours observing my reactions to getting attacked and working out methods of overcoming the fight/flight/freeze reflexes.”

Eventually, he learned the tools he needed, got his black belt and began teaching these techniques in his dojo.

“I’ll tell you how I started it,” he says. “I was a new black belt and as I was teaching a class and I noticed that people looked down [when another student was grabbing them] at the place being grabbed and lost focus.” At first, Linden thought the weight of the head as it tilted made his students lose balance. But eventually he realized that the problem was not his students heads; it was in their heads.

“They were thinking down,” he explains. So he taught his students how to increase their awareness by directing their attention in different directions simultaneously — that is, not just down to their sparring partner’s grasping hand, and letting that point draw their full attention, but in all directions, all while keeping the focus anchored in themselves.

“That is very much related in Aikido to being able to feel the group attack,” Linden adds.

But instead of simply telling workshop participants just to focus their attention outwards, Linden breaks the process down into small steps, as he does with the tissue toss at the workshop beginning. When volunteers flinch, duck or back away from the tissue, Linden asks them to do the following: relax their tongues and breathe from their bellies.

When he throws the tissue again he observes Continued on page 27

6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

The Stonewall Democrats will host a party for members and non-members to meet and greet the gay-friendly chapter’s endorsed candidates.

Appetizers and $4 drinks will be available.

Where: Oyster Bar, 54 W. Market St. When: July 10, 5:00–8:00 p.m.

Movies After Dark

QUAC Scores Big at Int’l Swim Meet

Late last month the Queer Utah Aquatic Club flew to Washington, D.C. to participate in the 2008 International Gay and Lesbian Aquatics championship. On June 22, they flew home weighing a little more, thanks to the dozens of medals they picked up.

Overall, QUAC members placed 70 times in more than 15 events including springboard, breast stroke, butterfly swimming, synchronized diving and freestyle events.

Paul Reynolds, QUAC president, said he is proud of his team, which took 5th place overall in the medium-sized team category.

Reynolds, who brought home gold medals in one- and three-meter springboard and oneand three-meter synchronized diving, also said he was particularly proud of QUAC’s water polo teams, three of which — Team A, Team B and the women’s team — attended the championship.

At the 2007 IGLA championships held in Paris, QUAC’s water polo teams brought home a gold metal. This year, they took home the silver.

“I believe we had a harder team to go up against,” said Reynolds, referring to West Hollywood Aquatics, who took first this year.

“They were a bigger team than [the team we beat last year]. I was proud of [QUAC] for getting silver.”

QUAC’s women’s water polo team also brought home the bronze medal in IGLA’s first-ever women’s water polo division, a triumph Reynold’s called “awesome.” He also said that more than half of QUAC’s contingent consisted of swimmers attending their first-ever event outside of Utah.

Eighty-three teams from Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the United States participated at the championship.

Continued on page 27

Preparations Continue for Southern Utah Pride With the Southern Utah Pride Festival less than three months away, members of the festival committee are working hard to make sure that this year’s pride festival among the red rocks is the best yet.

So far, said pride director Janine Isom, Southern Utah Pride Association, Inc. — the organization behind the festival — has held several fund raisers including car washes, rummage sales and drag shows by Salt Lake City superstar queen Nova Starr and her girls. And, said Isom, that’s just the beginning.

“We have on the burner a ‘Countdown to Dani!’ slumber party where we will have the seasons of Tila Tequila on the little screen,” she said, referring to the last lesbian contestant on the MTV bisexual dating reality show A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.

Campbell will serve as the festival’s grand Marshal. “Another one we are working on is a Scratch Your Back auction where we will bid on various donated services received from the community” such as movie tickets, dinners made by a local chef and sessions with local massage therapists.

The board members have also traveled widely to publicize the festival, Isom continued. So far they have attended or plan on attending pride events in Las Vegas and Long Beach, Calif., Cedar City’s Groovefest, Springdale’s Flute Festival and Springdale’s

4th of July celebration (held in the same park Pride will use this year). These events, the director explained, are particularly important to the organization of the festival.

“It was awesome to see 90 vendors [at the Flute Festival],” Isom said. “It provided us with some sound visuals for our layout as our goal is to have 100 vendors. Last year SUP had 1,012 guests in attendance, this year it is our goal to host 5,000 guests. We will be attending and enjoying the festivities in Springdale with a close eye on what’s happening behind the scenes. Talk about a dream event to learn from, right in the same spot, with a considerable increase to the population.”

So far, the only major hitch has been the cancellation of a fund raiser many in the organization were looking forward to: a Rocky Horror Picture Show screening and “shadow cast” performance (where actors play along with the movie). “We are not big enough yet to provide a show of good caliber that close to our Pride event,” Isom explained.

The next SUP fund raiser will be a masquerade party appropriately titled MassQueer-Aide at the Jazzy Java Coffee Shop (285 N Bluff St, St. George) on July 12 at 8:00 p.m. DJ Josh will spin and Southern Utah Pride band the Western Bonecleavers will perform. Cost is a minimum $5 donation if in costume, $10 if not.

Café Marmalade, the full service coffee shop and restaurant at the Utah Pride Center, has announced its summer Movies After Dark series.

Each Friday night, the café will screen a different film outside on the back lawn.

Where: Café Marmalade (lower level of the Utah Pride Center at 361 N 300 W) When: Every Friday at 9:00 p.m., or when it gets dark.

Info: Check the café for more details and individual movie listings.

Empowerment Workshop The Utah Pride Center is hosting an ongoing series of workshops focused on individual and community empowerment. The next six-week series, “Where is God in All of This?

Enhancing Spirituality & Reconciling Conflicts,” will deal with anti-gay religious messages (think “God Hates Fags”) in society and these messages’ impacts on the individual psyche.

All are invited to attend regardless of religious affiliation, gender identity or sexual orientation.

Where: Utah Pride Center (361 N 300 W), Middle Meeting Room.

When: July 3, 10, 17, 31 and Aug. 7 and 14 from 7:00–8:30 p.m.

Cost: $30 for the full six-week workshop, $15 for one three-week module.

Info: To register or to request more information contact Jordan Rullo at jordan.rullo@psych.utah.edu.

Center Golf Classic Registration is now open for the 9th annual Center Golf Classic. A benefit for the Utah Pride Center, this fund raiser tournament includes a continental breakfast, lunch, 18 holes of golf, prizes and a raffle for all participants. Participants can register as a team or as individuals (who will be placed with other golfers at the tournament).

When: August 24, 8:00 a.m.

Where: Stonebridge Golf Course Info: utahpridecenter.org to register.

To sponsor, contact Jennifer Nuttall at (801) 539-8800 x 13 or jennifer@ utahpridecenter.org.

Gone Fishin’ The Utah Pride Center will be closed July 4 for Independence Day.

with rainbow lanterns, a massage table, funky inflatable furniture and even a margarita station. Sadly, the Kamp’s use of power knocked out the event’s speakers, so they could only run the Kamp between important announcements.

Formed by Dillon and Craig Brimmer, the team was the first official queer team to ride in the tour. The team was named for sponsor Club Try-Angles, owned by Gene Gieber who has had several family members affected by the disease.

The team will continue to ride for the rest of the summer and welcomes new and experienced riders who are queeridentified or gay-friendly. For more information, email teamtryangles@ gmail.com.

There is also still time to donate to Team Try-Angles through a new site for gay cycling enthusiasts, cycleout.terapad.com.

Team Try-Angles Cycling Team Raises $12K to Help Fight MS On the last weekend in June, a biking team sponsored by local gay dance club and bar, Club Try-Angles, raised nearly $12,000 for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society during the annual Harmons Best Dam Bike Ride, which will be used for research into the disease.

Led by captain Brandon Dillon, the team of 13 bikers rode 75 to 100 miles through Cache Valley on June 28 and 29 with some team members biking the full course of 175 miles (including a trip up and down Blacksmith Fork Canyon).

EMBODYING POWER: A workshop for LGBTQ Individuals

Paul Linden, PhD. Saturday, July 19, 2008 Body awareness training for achieving calmness, compassion, and inner strength in a world of discrimination, rejection, and conflict.

Information and registration: 801-364-5700,

www.jimstruve.com/workshops.htm About the training: www.being-in-movement.com

Co-sponsor.

801-539-8800 www.utahpridecenter.org

Additionally, team Try-Angles was listed as the 9th highest non-corporate fund raising team to participate in this year’s ride.

“Considering numerous teams had anywhere from double to 10 times the number of riders, it shows the level of dedication of each member of Team Try-Angles,” said team member Adam Frost.

The team also had a little fun off-road with Kamp Try-Angles, their home base in the Team Village area, complete

Team Try-Angles Harmons Best Dam Bike Ride Team Member Craig Brimmer David Cowley Anthony Dever Brandon Dillon David Ferguson Adam Frost Steve Glazier Ron Jewett Jennifer Rosas Judi Walter Daniel Wells Jeffrey Wood

Raised $1160 1215 515 1318 515 1135 1700 1200 525 420 700 780

Team Goal Team Achieved*

$8000 $11353

*Does not include 13th rider and donations made after press date.

Mention QSaltLake

Community Briefs

Q Utah

Third Friday Bingo to Help Equality Utah Fund

PWACU to Hold Charity Fashion Show On July 19, Utah’s models will strut their stuff at the Depot’s Grand Hall, showing off the latest, hottest fashions and raising money for a good cause: helping Utahns living with HIV/AIDS. Just in time for its 20th anniversary, the People with AIDS Coalition of Utah will hold an elaborate charity fashion show — complete with hula dancers, prize raffles and games — to raise money for their support and educational service programs.

“We haven’t done an event fund raiser like this since 2003,” said Toni Johnson, the organization’s director. “I got sick so we had to cancel the show we usually did.” In place of events like the fashion show, Johnson said the organization switched to its annual Christmas poinsettia fund raiser.

The show fell together, Johnson said, thanks to Gus Garcia of Brass Ring Productions, a local company specializing in such things as set construction, emceeing and videography for a variety of events. According to Johnson, Garcia, who will emcee the show, stepped up when a previous event planner fell through.

Local and national retailers like Black Chandelier, Fleur de Lis, JMR, Lolabella, Olive Couture and Urban Outfitters will donate fashions for the evening, and in-kind sponsor Sanctuary Day Spa has donated hair styling and make up services for the models, who will walk an unusual runway.

“I was thinking a stage, but it’s going to be a stage-less fashion show,” said Johnson. “The models are going to run the floor between the tables [at the Depot]. It’s com-

The glitter-bedecked Ruby Ridge, Chevy Suburban and Rusty Fawcett will be twirling the bingo balls and calling party fouls to benefit Equality Utah and their “pledge to vote” drive. The “girls” will host a South Pacific sing-along for party fouls complete with coconut shell bras and hula skirts. Eeewww!

Last month’s bingo-goers raised $1,000 for Team Try-Angles’ multiple sclerosis bike run.

When: Friday, July 18, 7:00 p.m.

Where: First Baptist Church social hall, 777 S. 1300 East Squatters Pub & Brewery accepts the “Toast of Pride” traveling trophy for winning first place at this year’s Pride Parade pletely different from anything anyone has done before.”

The evening will also include hula dancers at sunset, a cash bar and a “wheel of fortune” where participants can win PWACU magnets and buttons for $1 per spin. Local gay-friendly color guard, the Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corps Salt Lake City will also administer a silent auction and raffle with prizes like Elizabeth Taylor perfume packages, Elton John CDs, jewelry, clothing and “a big basket of lube.”

While the show is in keeping with PWACU’s tradition of raising money to help locals with HIV/AIDS, Johnson said it also signals the start of “a new era” for the organization.

“We’re starting an advocacy program to help get funding [for PWAs] from the state of Utah,” said Johnson. The money is needed, she added, because the money from the federal Ryan White Care Program, which subsidize treatment for low-income people with HIV/AIDS, is “not as much as we need” in Utah. In starting this program, Johnson said

Café Marmalade Celebrates First Birthday

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

At this time last year, the café and all-purpose performance space at the Utah Pride Center was just opening its doors, firing its ovens and priming its espresso machines to feed downtown residents their first bruschetta, scones, Italian sodas and, of course, coffees.

Today, the café is all grown up. In 12 months it has expanded its ever-evolving menu and become a hot venue for local poets and musicians, including Bronwen Beecher “The Fiddle Preacher,” lead singer of local Celtic fusion band Salty Frogs.

Not to mention the house drinks. Co-founder Kim Paulus ticks them off. There’s Strawbutterscotch Fields Forever, Butterscotch Behemoth, Goodmorning Bluebird, Peaches and Screams (“that has to be cold, you can’t make it hot”) and Caramel Zombie.

“That was a good one,” she remembers.

“You’d think we would run out of ideas, but we’ve had [different] signature drinks [regularly] for several months now.”

Paulus and business partner Bob Evans of Sugarhouse Coffee won the bid to open the new café at the Center last May. In setting up the new business — named after the gayfriendly Marmalade district it borders — the pair faced a challenge: the Center was the home of Stonewall Coffee in the 90s, and many in the community fondly remembered the old café. How would they draw old customers

8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

back while creating a unique business?

The answer, says Paulus, was to be “as consistent” with the old shop as possible while following some core principles: instead of Coke and Pepsi, Italian soda; instead of potato chips, gourmet cookies. (Or as Paulus put it in an interview last year, they don’t do “nachos and other crap like that.”) The café encourages its employees to be creative when dreaming up new dishes, to experiment and try new things. There’s even a “cheepie section” for the hungry West High School students who drop in for lunch.

“I’m getting teenagers hooked on cucumber sandwiches,” Paulus laughs.

“It’s cultivating that kind of clientele,” she explains. “It’s hard sometimes because some people really want their Coke or their chips, but we’re not going to do that. But the ones who keep coming back are the ones who really want the Italian sodas, who really are looking for that experience in a coffee shop.”

The pair also opened up the Saturday concerts — drawing musicians like Beecher, Samson and Goliath, and Joey Cougar and the Starfish — and poetry slams.

“People come in with a piece of poetry and next week they come in with it polished off because people say, ‘Why don’t you try this?’” says Paulus.

Whether they’re helping each other draft

she is taking over the work of her cousin, long time HIV/AIDS activist Stuart Merrill, who recently moved out of state.

Although the group’s short term goal is one-time funding for the coming year, Johnson said: “Ideally, we would like to pass a bill getting funding for the state health department,” that would allocate funding for a longer period of time. Although the advocacy program is still in its early stages, Johnson added that PWACU is looking for volunteers of all sexual orientations and gender identities to help with the campaign.

To help make the organization self-sufficient, PWACU also plans on starting a thrift store. Johnson said the group is still securing funding from private donors, but that the shop will open its doors soon.

“It will allow people in the community to have other alternatives from other thrift stores that are in town — a thrift store that matches their ideology,” she said.

The store is projected to open in the South Salt Lake area and PWACU will look for a store manager and volunteers shortly. the perfect poem, rocking out to Bronan Beecher or just dining together, Paulus says watching people come together in the Café has been astounding.

“When I come in I see these groups who you’d never usually see hanging out with each other playing Uno,” like older gays and teenagers, she says. “That’s exactly what I want. This isn’t ‘the gay coffee shop,’ either.

People just come and do their own thing.”

And looking back on the past 12 months is also astounding.

“I can’t believe it’s been a year. It makes sense, but it just floors me,” she says. “If you asked me what I’ve been doing all year, I couldn’t even tell you. It’s been a lot of hard work and a lot of fun.”

To celebrate its first birthday, the café will host a night of bands and, of course, great food on July 5 with Beecher and the Utah Pride Festival’s All-Star Band headlining.

“We’ll get the grills going. I don’t know, but I might have a couple surprises up my sleeve, if you know what I mean,” jokes Paulus.

Happily, it’s also her birthday.

“People should bring me presents,” she shouts. “Just kidding. It’s going to be an awesome day and we’re really looking forward to it. We want to thank the community for keeping them open this long.”

For a list of upcoming bands and events at the café visit myspace.com/cafemarmalade.

Breast Dialogues In July the Utah Pride Center and lesbian civic and social organization sWerve will host the 2008 Breast Dialogues. This intimate evening of monologues by local women explores the various issues — some comic, some serious — surrounding breasts, and is especially focused on breast cancer.

When: July 9, 7:00 p.m.

Where: Utah Pride Center INFO: utahpridecenter.org. For information on signing up to perform, contact Jennifer Nuttall at 539-8800 x13 or Jennifer@utahpridecenter.org.

Lagoon Day The annual QSaltLake day at the Lagoon Amusement Park in Farmington is scheduled for Sunday, Aug. 10. Participants are encouraged to wear red shirts and join in a group photo and bingo at the Oak Terrace starting at 4pm (Oak terrace is available for use all day).

Discount coupons (valid for up to eight people each) are available and may be picked up at Cahoots, Club Try-Angles, The Trapp, Mischievous, Paper Moon and the QSaltLake offices.

When: Sunday, Aug. 10 11am–close Where: Lagoon Amusement Park

Potluck Socials Potluck socials for queer and questioning Utahns are being held in 12 neighborhoods along the Wasatch Front on the 1st Sunday of each month. These gatherings are an opportunity to socialize and create community.

When: First Sunday of each month Info: utahpridecenter.org

Affirmation Writing Contest Affirmation Gay and Lesbian Mormons is looking for opinion editorials and letters-to-the-editors of magazines and newspapers on topics that promote Affirmation’s values — including the right to gay civil marriage and calls to end legal and spiritual violence against gay and transgender people. Winners will receive cash prizes and recognition at the annual Affirmation Conference in October.

Info: www.affirmation.org/awa

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BREAST DIALOGUES From the Vagina Monologues to the Breast Dialogues itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a night of tittie talk. The stories are as varied as the people telling them and range from lopsided breast narrative, to cancer survivors, to boob haiku and beyond! Brought to you by the Utah Pride Center, sWerve, and SLCCâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Community Writing Center.

19 July 2008 | 7p | Utah Pride Center | 355 N 300 W, SLC w w w . u t a h p r i d e c e n t e r . o r g

News Affirmation Asks LDS Church Leaders to â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Support Freedom and Equality in Californiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons released a statement June 23 saying that the group â&#x20AC;&#x153;believes that all loving couples should have the right to be together in a committed loving relationship, with the full measure of legal and civil protections that society has long accorded married couples.â&#x20AC;?

Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sent a statement to be read at the pulpit of all churches instructing its members to commit their time and money to help pass a constitutional amendment in the state banning gay marriage.

Olin Thomas, executive director of Affirmation, said in the statement, â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are deeply dismayed that the church ignored our request that they not meddle in California politics. This initiative will hurt so many people. Without marriage, a couple who have been together 30 years could be torn apart at the doorway to the emergency room.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;As Mormons, we believe that respect for civil law and acknowledgment of individual freedoms is sacred. The California law affects civil marriage; it has no effect on any religious institution or religious official,â&#x20AC;? the statement continued. â&#x20AC;&#x153;To seek to revoke these basic protections in the name of God denies the fundamental freedoms on which our country was built. Constitutional law has always been about protecting civil and religious freedoms, not the denial of those freedoms.â&#x20AC;?

Affirmation urged California voters to â&#x20AC;&#x153;act in favor of freedom. Vow to Vote No.â&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q

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Q Views Letters I Choose Seelig Over Storrs Editor, I just finished reading Vanderhooft’s story on Gordon Storrs’ decision to run for House District 23. I respect Storrs, but I oppose his candidacy and will support Jen Seelig this November. There are three reasons that we should all support Representative Jen Seelig’s re-election.

First, this state’s legislature has more than 2/3 Republicans in both the House and the Senate. The Democrats representing Salt Lake City are a blue buoy in a red sea of Republicans. If Storrs or other Log Cabin Republicans truly seek to change the Republican Party from within, they should run for office where the Republicans are already in control. Increasing the political imbalance will threaten the few rights currently enjoyed by LGBT Utahns.

Second, Storrs’ claim of being able to change things from the “inside” is a red herring. Storrs is happy to announce he is currently on the Utah Republican Party’s Executive Committee. That’s great. But the Republican Party platform continues Editor, to attack LGBT families. Where is that change he claims to be able to produce?

Twin Falls, Idaho, Chamber of Commerce Also, if being like the majority is so parade organizers said in May that they important to securing change, then Jen would welcome Southern Idaho GLBT Seelig’s heterosexuality makes her an Community Center supporters at the painsider as well. And Jen has successfully rade, but the organizers ignored the U.S. used her status as a straight ally to help First Amendment and banned the center’s the community. Based on her efforts, the legal full name, rainbow flags and AIDSRepublican Chair of the House Education awareness fliers (“Gay Float Censored in Committee decided to cosponsor Equality Idaho Parade,” QSaltLake, June 5).

Utah’s anti-bullying bill.

Utah Pride festival organizers said in Third, the Storrs’ history as candidates May that they would welcome Stonewall should make every LGBT Utahn suspiShooting Sports of Utah supporters at the cious. Representative David Litvack worked for years on Hate Crimes legfestival, but the organizers ignored the islation. Representative Jen Seelig has U.S. Second Amendment and banned the worked diligently to protect LGBT kids supporters’ legal firearms [“Pride weapon from bullying and hazing. The fact that rule ‘Confusing step back,’” QSaltLake, Storrs and his son have targeted these May 8]. strong allies suggests that equal rights is Utah festival organizer Valerie Ann not their top priority. Whether they want Larabee invited the Idahoans to join the to make Utah 100% Republican, or they Utah event with their name, flags and just want their egos massaged by becomfliers -- free of charge -- and said that “We ing elected officials, they need to drop the hope they will take us up on our offer to charade of claiming that they are running come over here and be guests. The parade against our allies to help LGBT Utahns. represents community and family, and As a gay man I have strived to be judged by my ideas and actions, not my sexual that’s exactly what we stand for as well. orientation. I hope that LGBT Utahns can When we can be proud of our own families see past Gordon’s gay identity and recogand community, I don’t think that’s ofnize that Jen Seelig has proven herself as fensive at all.” an ally and deserves reelection. In a state SSSU supporters didn’t receive an full of seats controlled by Republicans, the invitation. All things being equal as they Storrs and other Log Cabin Republicans were, legal, right and wrong were practihave plenty of opportunities to change cally the same in these two matters. When their party from within. But as long as Utah’s political scene stays so imbalanced, we have to import our pride from another state while banning our own, I think that’s attacking the seats held by Democratic aloffensive. lies like Jen Seelig won’t help anyone.

David Nelson Will Carlson Salt Lake City Salt Lake City 12 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

Importing Pride

Penchant for Elitism Editor, With the recent reversal of the California same-sex marriage ban, the subject is at the forefront of the news again, and the LDS Church once more proves its penchant for bigotry and elitism.

This church claims to be Christian, but did Christ put people down? No, he lifted them up. Did Christ exclude anyone? NO! He reached out even to those people whom the prominent religious leaders of the day deemed unworthy and unclean.

Why doesn’t the LDS Church use the million$ they’re spending on trying to amend the California constitution to agree with the already unconstitutional Utah one to do more of the good they’re so proud of? I think that would be much more Christian than constantly working to deny basic civil rights to a specific population that seems to stick in their craw.

John Wilkes Salt Lake City Editor,

A Guide for the Broader Community Editor, Thank you for continually putting out such an amazing publication that continues to inspire, educate and entertain our community. Having worked with you at Salt Lake Metro, I know first hand how much of what we see in print is the direct result of your hard work, passion and dedication.

I want to clarify and respond to comments I read in a letter to the editor published in the June 19 issue written by Rob Koster [“Pride Guides Should Belong to the Local Gay Press”, June 19,2008]. In the letter, Koster expressed concern that

QSaltLake Welcomes Letters from Our Readers Love a story written in this issue? Hate one? Did a columnist piss you off or tickle your funny bone? Want to say something to the world?

Send a letter to the editor — we love feedback!

Please keep your letter under 300 words and email it to letters@qsaltlake.com.

You letter, if published, may possibly be edited for length, suitability or libel. No one wants to go to court.

Letters

V

Family Portraits Editor, What a beautiful layout in the June 19 issue of QSaltLake, labeled â&#x20AC;&#x153;What Pride Means to Me.â&#x20AC;?

Singles, couples, trios and groups of gay, lesbian, straight (and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll assume bisexual and transgender) happy faces gleeming back at us without fear, without an agenda.

I look forward to the book being published and will be first in line to get one for my coffee table.

Thank you for another contribution to our community. What did we do without you?

Brenda Weiss Murray

E

W

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Guest Editorial

Continued

the Utah Pride committee had published their official guide in the Salt Lake Tribune and IN Utah This Week, saying it somehow brought to question Prideâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s connection with our loved gay newspaper.

I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t speak for Pride, but I was instrumental in helping establish the guide he refers to. As a gay man who has been out and active in our local gay community for 16 years, I first approached Pride organizers three years ago with the idea of publishing a guide inside the Tribune and IN based on one idea: that in order for our community to progress in our quest for equality, we need a strong support within our community AND with our allies. In Salt Lake, we are fortunate to be able to look at numerous ways our community is strong, and QSaltLake is one great example. But as Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve learned from our incredibly effective political action group Equality Utah, it is important to also â&#x20AC;&#x153;build bridgesâ&#x20AC;? and find strength in our allies. While there is resistance in Utah to our celebration of diversity, there is incredible amounts of untapped support that we can work to ignite and nurture. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s with that shared vision that the guide was born in addition to the Prideâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s continued collaboration with Q. The newspapers didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t produce the content, Pride organizers did (thus, the â&#x20AC;&#x153;officialâ&#x20AC;? part) and the newspapers were only the distribution vehicle (essentially it was a promotional piece, as noted at the top of each page). Supporting businesses and INâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sponsorship paid for the guide, similar to guides done for other events or businesses. Having a guide with such expansive reach also helps Pride gain sponsor support from large businesses who expect a robust advertising strategy.

I agree with Koster that QSaltLake put out an awesome guide yet again, but I also think the Pride committee exercised solid foresight in including a message to the broader community in their marketing plan. With record attendance in the past two years, the strategy apparently is working.

Joel Shoemaker In Utah This Week Salt Lake City

I

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,OGAN TO 3T LL INCLUDING A

Open Letter to California Mormons

by Jeffrey S. Nielsen

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Mormon Church, a married heterosexual, and a supporter of marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples. I am asking you to pause and give sincere thought to the letter from our religious leaders you have heard read, or will soon hear read, over our church pulpits asking you to get involved and oppose marriage equality in California. Please think deeply about this, not only as a member of a particular church, but also as a citizen of a democracy.

To press for an amendment to a civil constitution that would legalize discrimination against an entire class of people is no small matter, but of the greatest significance. When the argument, no matter how well intentioned, is based solely upon a religious proclamation, then I believe it is a serious contradiction of the wisdom of our founding fathers. It also does tremendous damage to the great progress in civil rights weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve made in our country respecting the equal dignity of each person and towards a more certain legal equality for all citizens.

You should also know, not all faithful Mormons agree with our religious leadersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; encroachment into political matters. In fact, a growing number of active Mormons, who have gay friends and family members, are coming to the conclusion that our current leaders are as mistaken in promoting discrimination against gays and lesbians as was the Mormon hierarchy in the â&#x20AC;&#x2122;60s when they opposed equal rights for people of color, and our Mormon leaders in the â&#x20AC;&#x2122;70s when they opposed full legal equality for women. Of course, religious authorities of any denomination possess the right, and may claim the legitimacy, to set the theology and policy for their religious community. When they however, attempt to interject religious doctrine into the public spaces of a diverse democracy without reasonable justification, then members, especially faithful members, of that religious organization have the civic responsibility to express public disapproval of such dangerous and undemocratic behavior.

No one is asking that you condone a behavior that might violate your religious faith, but we need to allow everyone the freedom to live their life as they see fit, so long as it does not physically harm another person. After all, religious values must be something an individual freely chooses, not something forced upon him or her by the state. We should never allow our constitutions, whether state or federal, to become weapons in a crusade to impose am a member of the

a particular religious value system upon a pluralistic democracy. Today it might be a particular religious value that we affirm, but tomorrow it might be a religious system, which would seek to legislate against our own sincere beliefs. So now is the time to take a stand and keep separate civil and religious authority.

I do not believe that people choose their sexual orientation any more than they choose their skin color or gender. So to discriminate and deny them equal protection and equal opportunity under civil law because of these natural traits â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially in this case of sexual orientation â&#x20AC;&#x201D; is grossly unfair and should be rejected outright in a compassionate and just democracy. If anyone could give me a single reasonable argument against marriage equality in our civil society, which doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make fallacious appeals to tradition, misplaced appeals to religious authority or make some ridiculous claim about nonhuman animals, then I would like to hear it. So far, no one has been able to present me with even a single justifiable reason.

You should know that like you, family and marriage are very important to me.

As I have become acquainted with gay and lesbian couples, I have been touched by their goodness, sincerity, and commitment. I am persuaded that allowing marriage equality would, in fact, strengthen the institutions of family and marriage in our country. Perhaps it might even make all of us a little more considerate and responsible as both marriage partners and parents. I can only hope that the citizens of California, and my fellow Mormons, will possess the wisdom and moral decency to reject the unreasonable and unjust call to discriminate against our gay and lesbian coworkers, friends, neighbors, church members and family.

Not all faithful Mormons agree with our religious leadersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; encroachment into political matters.

Jeffrey Nielsen is a professor of philosophy who was ousted from the LDS Church-owned Brigham Young University in 2006 after criticizing the churchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s position on gay marriage in a newspaper column. He currently teaches at Westminster College and Utah Valley University.

Queer Gnosis Troy Williams is taking a sabbatical as he finishes several film projects and a play featuring Sister Dottie. His radical, subversive views will return to QSaltLake in September. You can continue to read his blog at queergnosis.com

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â&#x20AC;&#x201A; July 3 , 20 0 8â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; issue 10 6â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; QSa lt L a k eâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; 13

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Snaps & Slaps

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Ruby Ridge Waste Not

SNAP: Sen. Scott McCoy

by Ruby Ridge

D

arlings, have you ever had one of

those terrifying moments when you unthinkingly and involuntarily do something that is entirely what your parents would do? You know, the kind of thing you as a kid swore under your breath that you would never, ever do when you were a grown up? It happened to me today at a Chinese buffet of all places. Let me tell you, muffins, it was like I was standing outside my body looking at myself in slow motion while thinking, “That’s not me. Who the hell is that creature inhabiting my body?” And then I realized to my horror that it was ... MY MOTHER! The reason for my matriarchal mental moment was a family of five who had stuffed themselves silly with buffet-style Chinese food (and by that I mean greasy mystery meat in gluten-based sauces that have been percolating botulism on a steam table since the Justice Alito confirmation hearings).

Now, I know it’s rude to criticize people you don’t know, and yes I know it was none of my business, but each time these pigs went back to graze at the trough, they brought back a ton of food and only ate about half of it. The sheer greed and waste of it all was driving me NUTS. Then to add insult to injury, when they were clearly about to burst on their last trip, they loaded up their plates and left almost all of the food when they waddled out (leaving the waitress a hefty $1 tip, by the way). I was fit to be tied, petals! Because if there is one thing that makes me go absolutely apoplectic, it is waste. Oh, and white vinyl fencing. But I digress.

Now, let me give you a little context about the upbringing that shaped my dangerous mind. I came from an intact, Norman Rock-

1 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

well, working class family with Mom, Dad, three kids, several cats, several dogs and a canary named Pablo. We weren’t rich but we weren’t poor, either. So my parents (being the children of Depression-era parents) instilled in us solid working class values about money, self-reliance, hard work and the difference between “wants vs. needs.” At the time my parents’ lectures on thrift and avoiding waste just caused me to roll my

Pumpkins, we are a wasteful nation that needs a spanking! prepubescent eyes into the back of my prepubescent head and wait until it was over. But now as I look around at the inevitable international food and energy shortages, I realize exactly what they were trying to say.

Pumpkins, we are a wasteful nation that needs a spanking. We waste energy. We waste gas. We waste food like it is inexhaustible, and all the while we bitch about rising costs and the failure of government to do anything to relieve our “pain.”

As consumers we have become so obsessed with our wants and not our needs that we turn a blind eye to where and how our food and goods are produced. As long as Wal-Mart can keep shipping cheap flat screen TVs half-

way around the world, we can ignore child labor abuse, appalling work conditions and impending environmental disasters. As long as we can get grapes in the middle of our winter for less than $1.29 a pound, we can feel pretty damn superior and never think about how they got to our refrigerators. We think it’s OK to produce disproportionately more pollution than the rest of the world, as if doing so is somehow our birth right. It’s not cherubs, and we need to start rethinking about how and where we live.

It’s not all bleak, kittens. Coincidentally this is the kick off of Local First Month.

It’s a good chance to get familiar with the local businesses and retailers who support your local neighborhoods and produce local goods. I encourage you to skip one meal at a fast food franchise, and venture out to a family-owned restaurant where they make your meal from scratch. Support local music, theater and artists. Find some room in your garden to plant native shrubs and perennials. Wander around the downtown Farmers Market and buy what’s local, fresh and seasonal. Trust me, you will feel soooo much better for it.

Ciao, babies! Q

For an evening of politically incorrect entertainment, questionable glamour and raucous opinion, join Ruby Ridge as she hosts 3rd Friday Bingo (on the 3rd Friday of each month at 7:00 p.m.) at the First Baptist Church in Salt Lake City (777 South 1300 East). Oh, and wear sensible shoes (don’t even ask why).

Utah’s only gay Senator was right on when he told California-bound Utah couples not to sue for marriage recognition at home. “Utah courts are not likely to lead out on marriage equality for Utah (nor, arguably, should they),” McCoy wrote in the June 21 issue of The Salt Lake Tribune. “Those first legal recognition battles will be fought elsewhere in more favorable venues.” Although Utah’s laws and constitutional amendment banning gay marriage are unjust, a quixotic courtroom charge isn’t the way to overturn them. Political activism and living authentic out lives, has and will, as McCoy said, go a long way to encouraging straight Utahns that “our marriages, when it really comes down to it, are just like theirs.”

SLAP: LDS Church The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints meets the back of our impeccably manicured hand not for being anti-gay, but for being stupid.

On June 20, church leaders sent a letter to California bishops instructing the flock to get behind a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage in the state. Calling heterosexual marriage “ordained of God,” LDS leaders concluded, “Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage.”

But secular marriage in the U.S. is not a “sacred institution.” A man and a woman can wed at the courthouse if they are divorced, members of different religions or any number of things that would bar them from being married in many houses of worship. Also, some churches, like the Metropolitan Community Church, married same-sex couples years before the practice became a national debate. Is their definition of this “sacred institution” just not sacred enough? The government will never be able to force the LDS Church to marry anyone, so why the waste of paper? Was something more charitable and sensible like “Our best efforts are required to make sure that people have adequate shelter housing and food” just too difficult to type?

SNAP: Café Marmalade This elegant little café has brightened the Utah Pride Center for a year now, and our community is much better for its concerts, poetry slams and, of course, it’s gourmet food. Café Marmalade, we at QSaltLake bend our longest fingers to our thumbs in your honor. Happy birthday!

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Born April 8, 1981, Ryan Shattuck died June 30, 2008 at the age of 24 or probably 21. Ryan grew up in California and after having spent a time in Boston and Mexico, chose to make his home in Salt Lake City. God knows why.

Having written for several gay and straight publications throughout his life, Ryan was honored to have never received a Pulitzer Prize, the Nobel Prize in Literature, the Whitbread Award, or even an NAACP Spirit Award. No one even bothered to nominate him for Best Supporting Actress.

He leaves behind a goldfish named Ann Coulter, a cup of boysenberry yogurt, and a stack of gay porn hidden under his bed.

In lieu of flowers, Ryan has requested that donations be made to the Name a Public Park or an Elementary School after Ryan Shattuck Foundation.â&#x20AC;?

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donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t plan on dying anytime soon.

ended up speaking for over an hour. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve since looked back on that phone call and been amazed to think that while Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had difficulty in receiving responses from lesser editors or publishers, one of the most powerful editors in the gay publishing world went out of her way to give a knucklehead writer a call and offer advice on his writing.

In looking back on this one small gesture, I realize that it is these small gestures that make up people and make up movements. When people close to us move on â&#x20AC;&#x201D; whether to another state or to another realm of mortal existence â&#x20AC;&#x201D; we are reminded of their goodness from the small things. By the same token, these small gestures build and provide the foundation for social movements, including the gay rights movements. Did not Stonewall begin with one punch thrown by a drag queen?

People will continue to die, transition and retire. In doing so they will be replaced by others â&#x20AC;&#x201D; sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Tim Russert will be replaced by Tom Brokaw. Ann Stockwell will be replaced by Jon Barrett.

George Bush will be replaced by Barack Obama (or Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m moving to Canada). Despite this natural progression of life, we can still appreciate the impact they leave.

Harvey Milk, who according to Time was â&#x20AC;&#x153;the first openly gay man elected to any substantial political office in the history of the planet,â&#x20AC;? was assassinated nearly 30 years ago. His impact is still felt today. His countless small gestures amounted to no less than the advancement of gay men and women in San Francisco.

Someday Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to move. Someday Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to retire. And someday Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to die. When history looks back on my life, I hope that I will be remembered fondly. Did my small actions advance the gay rights movement, like Harvey Milk?

Did my writing make an impact on others, like Oscar Wilde? Did I become passionate about my beliefs and furthering the gay community, like Anne Stockwell?

Only history will say. Regardless of how I choose to live my life, I can be certain of at least one thing.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m definitely not writing my own obituary.â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q

Tim Russert will be replaced by Tom Brokaw.

Ann Stockwell will be replaced

by Jon Barrett.

George Bush will be replaced by Barack Obama (or Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m moving to Canada).

But only because my obituary reads like the jokes found on the back of my oatmeal packets.

Death, transition, and retirement are difficult.

Sometimes it occurs at our own hands, and other times it is beyond our control. The world recently lost several amazing people, due to a condition social scientists refer to as â&#x20AC;&#x153;passing away.â&#x20AC;? Some of these legendary people include Tim Russert, George Carlin, The Guy Who Invented the Pringles Can and Anne Stockwell.

Wait, Anne Stockwell?

No, Anne Stockwell has not died. At the ripe age of a woman-never-reveals-her-age, Anne Stockwell, the editor in chief of The Advocate, is still alive and well. Nevertheless, Anne revealed in the July 15 issue of The Advocate that she will be stepping down as editor after 15 years of leading the magazine. Although not crossing that annoying line of mortality, Anne will no longer be at the helm of the most influential gay and lesbian magazine in the world â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a magazine that has played a role in the tidal wave of gay rights and privileges we enjoy today.

To say The Advocate will no longer have the same level of success upon Anneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s departure is to discredit the many other talented writers and editors that make up The Advocate. Nevertheless, it will be difficult to imagine The Advocate without Anne Stockwell, just as it would be difficult to imagine Martha without Martha Stewart.

And not just because â&#x20AC;&#x153;_____â&#x20AC;? is a lousy title for a television show.

Anne Stockwell and I spoke about a year ago. The Advocate was planning to publish a column I had written for them, and Anne personally called me to offer advice. We

Ryan Shattuck is a syndicated columnist, University of Utah student, and loves his dog more than he loves most people (Jake Gyllenhaal, that obviously doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t apply to you). He founded the Regal Seagull, Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s #1 News Source [Editor: Other than QSaltLake] at regalseagull.com.

â&#x20AC;&#x201A; July 3 , 20 0 8â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; issue 10 6â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; QSa lt L a k eâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; 15

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FAMILY LAW ESTATE PLANNING Downtown Farmers and Art & Craft Markets June 14- October 18, 2008 Saturdays, 8 am to 1 pm Historic Pioneer Park 300 South 300 West Downtown Salt Lake City Come downtown to shop at one of the countryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s largest farmers markets. You will find fresh produce as well as local bakeries, native plants, cut flowers, Utah artists, certified organic growers, meats & cheeses, value-added products, and much more. Enjoy weekly entertainment in the company of your community.

See you at the market!

www.slcfarmersmarket.org

Your source for downtown information, including these great markets.

Find the new issue of QSaltLake every other week at our Farmers Market booth

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Ruth My Glamorous Life as a Lesbian Mom

by Ruth Hackford-Peer

I would’ve had a fabulous new column for readers this month, except that the last two weeks have been full of being Super Mom: juggling full-time employment with a sick child, a drying out lawn, a visit from out-of-town family members, a garden overrun with weeds, broken household appliances and more vomit than even a mother can handle. So instead of creating some masterpiece for you to read while sipping coffee on the patio of some fabulous independently-owned (and operated) coffee-shop, I instead bring you a recycled post from my blog (available, if you haven’t started reading yet, online at qweirdutah. wordpress.com).

T

he might as well be between us where we could both really worry. Somehow I managed to keep drifting back to sleep between the croupy coughs and gasps for air. At 2:30 I was jolted awake by Casey puking all over me, all over Kim, all over the bed, all over Lambie, and all over Special Pillow.

Kim, who got the majority of the splash, crawled into the shower with Casey, and I gathered up pukey laundry and started a load of wash. I sprayed Lysol. I obsessed over the Clorox wipes. I changed the sheets and then I got Casey out of the shower. We all lay back down to sleep.

The coughing worsened. Kim, who hadn’t even enjoyed a couple of hours of

Gay Geeks

oday was the first day in seven

weeks of my new job that I woke up DREADING the thought of going to work. Let me add that this had nothing to do with work and everything to do with the contents of this post. I got a mere two hours of good sleep last night.

Not for lack of trying, thank you.

I actually put face to pillow in my son Riley’s bed at around 10:00 p.m. Both of my beautiful children were having a hard time shutting off their brains, so I crawled in next to Riley, turned on their model moon and the model solar system that we bought on clearance at Costco because it included Pluto, which really has no place on a revolving sunlit solar system anymore. We also turned on the “Dora the Explorer” music CD, and within minutes Riley was asleep. Casey didn’t fare so well.

He crawled out of his bed and onto the mat on the floor. He then got up and retrieved all of his stuffed friends, his special pillow and his blanket from his bed and placed them on the mat as well. Next he decided the mat wasn’t so comfy after all and returned all the items and himself to the bed.

Then he repeated this process. I went over to comfort him. I rubbed his back. I soothingly told him a story. I was so effective I put myself to sleep. An hour later Kim came in the room to find me crashed and Casey moving his gear from mat to bed again. She told me she’d take over and that I should go crawl into bed.

Only, as is often the case these days, once I was awake, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, medicated my cold sore that is still pissing me off on day nine of its intrusion into my life and then lay in bed for 20 minutes before Kim arrived to announce a victory: Casey had gone to sleep. She returned to her office to continue working on a publication deadline. It was an hour before Country Legends 107.5 finally lulled me to sleep with its relaxing twang.

That was around 12:30 a.m. I was awakened one hour later by coughing in the babies’ room. Then at 2:00 by Kim coming to bed. And again at 2:15 when Kim decided to bring Casey into bed with us because his coughing was getting worse, sounding croup-like. Since she was awake worrying about his breathing anyway, she figured

shitty sleep, was exhausted. I got up with Casey, got him some juice and sat down to watch a Dora DVD. I took his temperature and freaked out at the 103 reading.

So I woke Kim to ask her what to do. She replied that I should give him Motrin. Now, this seems so logical, but at the time I didn’t even think about medication. Wet towels.

Motrin. His fever lowered but didn’t break.

He finally fell back to sleep at 5:00 a.m.

At this point I decided to change the laundry. Let me preface this by saying that our washing machine has been acting up for almost a week now. Its balance has been funky and it’s been wailing a bit during the spin cycle. I figured the whining

Lesbians and Giant Robots, Part 3

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

L

I continued my conversation with actress Katherine Joan Taylor, director Aaron Martin and producer Bev about their independent, full-length apocalyptic lesbian sci-fi epic Archangel Alpha. In our last part, the three of us will discuss the mechanics of production, and the making of an Archangel Alpha actress. ast issue

JoSelle Vanderhooft: About how many people would you say is involved with the movie?

Aaron Martin: I would say at least 60 people are actively involved [as] crew, production assistants, costumers, actors, etc.

Granted, they’re not ever all there on the same day, but it’s a great bunch of people and everybody believes in the story and is trying to do as much as they can. It’s made me feel really good because you hear so much noise in this business, so many people talking about what they want to do and what they’re going to do for you. And we’ve had our share of disappointments, people promising things and then disappearing, but our core group is dedicated.

JV: Katherine, what’s it like being in the movie from your view point? Have you acted before?

Katherine Taylor: I’ve been acting since I was 9, but I started out as a theatre actress and really thought for a long time that that was my main focus and what I wanted to do, so I actually have two degrees in acting, a bachelors degree from the University of Utah’s actor training program and a master’s degree from the University of WI, Milwaukee. But after I got done with grad school I moved to Chicago and started taking film acting classes and I loved it.

One of the things about my theatre acting style is it’s often too subtle [but the camera picks up everything. It changes the whole thing – it’s just more real I guess. I started

16 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

pursuing [film] there, got some independent film roles, smaller things, and moved back here because my family’s still here and my dad was going through some health issues. But I’ve picked up a lot of work, so it’s been good. I’ve really been enjoying this process. The actress I’m mostly working with is terrific. It’s funny. When [fellow actress Nikki Meauvais] and I auditioned we ended up reading together and the chemistry between us was so amazing. It’s really rare in an audition to know you’ve got it ... but on that one I was like, “I’ll be really surprised if this isn’t how it turns out. [laughs] Aaron texted me two days later and said, “How about if you play Alex and Nikki plays [Alex’s love interest] Elena, does that sound good to you?” It’s been great working with her.

JV: About how much, Aaron, would you say is complete now and when are you hoping to get it done?

AM: We just started shooting so I’d say we’re only about 10 percent in. But things are going to pick up soon. We’re on a bit of a hiatus now because Jason Ball, our director of photography, is at the Sundance Institute workshops, but then we’ll come back full force. We’re hoping to have it done by ... my goal would be December or January.

JV: Then after that, are you hoping to submit it to a film festival or rent a theatre and show it in Utah?

AM: Well, we’ll definitely rent a theatre because I think everyone deserves a big premiere. I think everyone’s earned that.

To me that’s one of the magic moments that all of us get into filmmaking for; when you get to see yourself on a huge screen.

Past the premiere, we will do a little bit of festivals. It is an interesting mix of genres so it’s going to be unusual to find the right festivals it will fit in.

JV: Are you thinking of doing the gay and

was just a way to get attention — you know, like every other member of the household. But no, apparently the washing machine was also sick, and she chose this exact moment to completely SHIT THE BED. The cycle had indicated that it was complete, but the laundry inside was still chunky with regurgitated raisins and cheese crackers. The laundry was soaking wet. The spin cycle was obviously ineffective. I turned the machine on for an extra rinse. The basket turned in slow motion, moaning as she moved. The water, the soap, the puke ... it wasn’t going anywhere. So I reached in and removed the items one at a time. I wrung the water out as much as possible and laid the items over the shower, the sink and a metal shelf. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever done, and you have to remember that I have given birth twice.

Earlier, while we all swam in puke, my mind was on the babe and the vomit was less repulsive. But three hours later, while every other member of the household slept, I washed vomit out of sopping wet sheets all by myself and I cried.

And then I went to sleep. Q lesbian film festivals?

AM: I would be totally open to that. I think, I would hope anyway, that would be an audience that would be very receptive, very cool with what we’re trying to do.

JV: It sounds like it, if you’ve got this amazing love story between Alex and Elena.

AM: Yeah, a lot of this movie deals with how they come together. It’s basically following their relationship all the way through from the beginning to ... and I think I can say this without spoiling anything, the tragic end. So you get to see the evolution of how these two people get together. I think it’s great for that specific audience [gays and lesbians] and for everyone in general.

JV: So people are going to read my column (I hope!) and go to your page because there’ll be a link there. Maybe some of them will get really excited and be like, wow, I want to help out. What can they do?

AM: We still need help with our costumes.

Bev is a great costume person, but he’s way undermanned and he hates it anyway.

JV: You need people to sew them?

AM: Yeah, just extra hands to help. And building materials is huge. If people can’t donate money they can donate building materials. We need plywood and masonite, I think we need like 90 sheets of masonite.

We also need help with miniatures, scratch building stuff and matte painting.

On the post [production] side we’ll need a lot of help that we haven’t addressed because we’re not there yet. I think we’ll put a list on our blog so people can get more specifics. Even if people can’t do something, then spread the word, tell a few friends to go check us out. Soon we’ll have behind the scenes footage, gigabites of pictures we’ve been taking, and we’ll start posting clips and a new trailer in a few weeks.

JV: Any last thoughts?

AM: I think it’s amazing what we’ve been able to do in this last year. Even the teaser trailer. And we’ve shot so much I just should cut a short together. There’s a lot of genre movies shot here and we want to make a really great vocal sci-fi film. We want people to just go to the theatre and be blown way by it and be glad it was shot here. Q Visit Archangel Alpha online at indiegogo.com.

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Q Swimwear & Underwear Issue

We got on Craigslist, MySpace and Gay.com in search of models and called everpresent photographer David Daniels for the 2008 QSaltLake Swimwear/Underwear edition. We also got with the two stores in Salt Lake where you can get the best in fashion skivvies — Mischievous Pleasures and Cockers. Off we all went to Club Try-Angles on a hot afternoon last week and started snapping away.

On these pages, we are showing you the latest designs from the top-end underwear and swimwear manufacturers. We’re also showing you a lot of skin. We didn’t think you’d mind.

Now it’s your chor to figure which of our models is/are straight.

Or does it matter?

Above (from left to right): Christopher sports white trunks from DKNY; Oakley is wearing the Asian design all-over print by Clever; Mundo Unico’s famed pouch will show off all your assets, here in purple and teal; Nick is showing the most skin in his 2(x)ist black and red No-Show brief.

Above (from left to right): Brian is in fire-hot red and orange swim trunks from Male Power; Ben is showing his wide stance in a Gregg Parry zebra-striped trunk; and Kevin has it all up front in his floral swim trunk from Male Power.

1 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

Below (from left to right): Pistol Pete All Over Floral/Paisley Boad Short, Pistol Pete Belted Retro Plaid swimwear, JM Floral Pouch Trunk; and Pistol Pete SideTie Tropical and Mini-floral swim trunk.

More shots are available through QSaltLake.com Very special thanks to David Daniels at Dav.d Photography, daviddanielsphotography.com

Left: More swimwear out on the Club Try-Angles patio (from l-to-r): red and blue swim briefs from Pistol Pete; Pistol Pete sky blue all-over floral midcut trunks; Pistol Pete black and white Samuri brief with rinestones on a skull print; Go Softwear solid black with black mesh brief swim.

Below: Our Mischievous Pleasures models have a laugh while wearing: Male Power black floral swim trunk, green and yellow swim trunk also from Male Power; and a Gregg Parry solid red swim brief.

Below left: We move on to underwear, with 2(x)ist Track sport brief; C-IN2 Kinetic strip trunk; Male Power royal tonal ribbed trunk; and Clever all-over skull print squarecut tunk.

Below, Andrew Christian Fire Rescue boxer, Andrew Christian Football boxer with stitching; and Joe Snyder Cheek boxer.

July 3 , 20 0 8 | issue 10 6 | QSa lt L a k e | 19

SWIMWEAR / UNDERWEAR

Left to right: 2(x)ist black/red no show brief, DKNY mesh white trunk, Clever Asian all-over black/red print, Mundo Unico bold strip trunk in purple and turquoise.

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Jim Struve: Reclaiming the Body

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

For a reading call

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633-4860

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W

hen he isn’t in the therapist’s

chair, licensed clinical social worker Jim Struve can usually be found outdoors four to five days a week hiking, running or skiing, depending on the season.

“I’m pretty much an addict,” he jokes.

Sometimes, he even takes his clients — often male survivors of sexual abuse, and frequently gay men — with him down the slopes or up the mountain as part of their therapy. Why this particular (and unusual) form of treatment? To help clients with such basics as learning to trust and overcoming anxiety — two issues that frequently effect sexual abuse survivors.

“It’s about learning to trust somebody, to go out and do physical challenges you wouldn’t do on your own, to be and sit where anxiety is challenged a little and learn how to calm it.”

There’s also something therapeutic, Struve says, in teaching your body how to do something new, and in observing the beauty of nature that “a lot of people have been cut off from.” As he puts it, the outdoors contains abundant metaphors for the human psyche.

“Like how an avalanche has such trauma, yet [plant life] is resilient. It grows back,” he says, naming one. “You can see that and so many examples when you’re out hiking or skiing.”

Struve would know best about the transforming power of nature; it was his love for hiking and skiing that convinced him and his partner to make the move from Atlanta, Ga. to Utah in 2003. On the advice of a runner friend, Struve came to the Beehive State to check out its outdoor sports and fell in love.

“I was spending all my free time and money to be here, so my partner and I decided let’s just move here and live,” he remembers. “Most people thought it was rather unusual for a gay couple to move here, but for us it works.”

Before tackling the great outdoors and opening the doors to his private practice,

22 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

northern Wisconsin-born Struve entered college at the University of Wisconsin in the state’s ultra-liberal capitol of Madison. The year was 1967 and Struve (who describes himself as “pretty conservative and pretty naïve” before starting school) quickly got involved in the civil rights movement, the gay rights movement and protesting the draft for the Vietnam War — a decision which, he says, got him arrested on a few occasions. More concerned with politics than education at the time, Struve majored in communications.

He had no interest in pursuing a higher degree and didn’t until he had to get a masters in clinical social work to keep a job with the Department of Child Protective Services in Georgia, where Struve moved after graduating to pursue what he thought was a “relationship.” Through CPS he worked at a hospital’s residential facility. In what would become a theme in his career, many of his clients were men and boys with histories of sexual abuse.

Struve opened his practice in 1981 and continued to work with survivors of sexual abuse. Towards the end of the decade he and a handful of other clinicians started Male Survivor, a national organization geared to men and boys who have been sexually abused. Incorporated in 1995, the organization today boasts a national conference, several yearly weekend retreats and an active Web site full of resources, including a bulletin board to help survivors “end the isolation and find other people to communicate with.”

Today, Struve says he works a lot with male survivors, the partners of male survivors, and gay and lesbian clients. He also sees female sexual abuse survivors and regularly points out the different ways society treats male and female survivors when teaching other clinicians; many of whom, he says, have trouble “getting their heads wrapped around” the idea of men and boys being victims.

“The trauma of sex abuse is pretty similar between males and females,” he

says. “What really is different is the way in which other people respond to males being the victim. There’s such a social norm that it doesn’t happen to boys, or if it happens they must be gay or they must’ve been seeking it.”

This perception, he adds, can lead to sexual confusion in men of all sexual orientations: They often question if the abuse ‘made them gay’ or if being a survivor means they will become gay later. One of the goals of his work with clients, says Struve, is helping them figure out “what their authentic sexuality is.” And while he sees men of all orientations, Struve suspects that he sees a lot of gay men because of anti-gay prejudice.

“Interestingly, a lot of gay males have sexual abuse histories,” he explains. “Unfortunately, a lot of gay people are targeted for abuse.”

So how does he help survivors come to terms with issues around orientation and bodily loathing (another issue that often plagues sexual abuse survivors)? Re-enter Mother Nature and physical activity.

Whether in hiking up a trail or learning not to hate the body another has violated, Struve says the key is mindfulness of yourself and your surroundings. And here he sounds a lot like therapist and aikido practitioner Paul Linden, who will conduct the workshop “Embodying Power — for LGBTQ Individuals” to teach Utah’s queer population about achieving calm and inner strength through bodily awareness at the Utah Pride Center on July 19.

Unsurprisingly, Struve and Linden are colleagues and friends.

“What I mean by [mindfulness] is learning how to have awareness in what is going on in your experience, learning to be in your body and being respectful of your body,” he says. “As a survivor it’s really easy to dissociate from your physical body, and as a gay person you learn sort of this self-loathing that happens around your body for being gay, so it’s so powerful to get people back to living in their body again.”

Overall, Struve says he sees himself as a “change agent,” whether in helping survivors or in helping clients undergoing “significant life transitions” like switching jobs, coming out of the closet or just deciding what they want out of life. Here, he says his 1960’s activism and his training converge.

“I found that therapy is a powerful way to work on change issues because of the kinds of clients I work with,” he says.

“Their issues are just a different version of doing activism and [encouraging] change.” Q

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July 3 , 20 0 8 | issue 10 6 | QSa lt L a k e | 23

Stars, and others. Plus food and tasty beverages will be available.

Q Arts

Times vary, through Sunday, Washington Square, 450 S. 200 East. Tickets $10 per day, 487-4899 or smithstix.com.

The Gay Agenda

It’s Free, Yippee!

by Tony Hobday

Against my better judgment I attended the Salt Lake Men’s Choir’s 25th anniversary concert. Tehehe! In all honesty, it was the most charming performance I’ve attended. It was full of silliness, tenderness, and fantabulicious singing and dancing. I must applaud these incredible men, they are shining stars ... and Dennis is OK too!

3

THursday — The opening night of the Summer Concert Series at the Canyons brings the cool sound of the popular local band The Disco Drippers.

The hot 10-member band plays a mix of ’70s disco and funk music with a strong horn section and groovy wah-wah guitars.

7pm, The Canyons Resort Village, 3867 Village Round Dr., Park City. Free, 435-901-SONG or mountaintownstages.com.

4

FRIDAY — Just follow the bright lights in the sky tonight and you’ll likely find a party. And if you live near the University of Utah, find a way onto your roof and enjoy a free night of Miley Cyrus — she’s headlining the Stadium of Fire extravaganza. Sorry, it’s a sold out show so you won’t be able to see her bare back in the backless gown she’s apparently going to wear ... hmmm!

Happy Fourth of July everyone!

5

SATURDAY — I can’t believe Café Marmalade at the Utah Pride Center is celebrating it’s 1st Anniversary.

Damn how time flies when your an old goat like me. Anyhoo, join this quaint little café in their celebration, they’ll be grilling up grub and offering some great local music.

3pm, Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West. Free, 5398800.

Q In celebration of Independence Day, Trapp Door is throwing an Indepen-dance Disco Ball. There will be a stage show with special guest performers, a fireworks display and DJ Tony Marinos will bring down the house.

8pm, Trapp Door, a private club for members, 615 W. 100 South. Free to members, 533-0173 or myspace. com/trapp_door.

2 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

7

MONDAY — Visual Art Institute is offering summer art classes for teens.

Figure Academy is an intensive figure workshop experience for junior high and high school age students. They will study figure drawing in the morning and figure painting in the afternoon. Just sounds hot doesn’t it? But please, no stick figures.

9am–6pm, through July 18, Visual Art Institute, 1838 S. 1500 East. Registration $500 per session, 4743796 or visualartinstitute.org.

9

WEDNESDAY — Guess who else is throwing free summer concerts? The Utah Symphony ... that’s freakin’ hot! So enjoy the beautiful classical music of Puccini, Wagner, Sousa and others as conducted

by David Cho tonight ... it’s free, yippee!

7:30pm, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Free, 533-5626 or utahsymphony.org.

10

THURSDAY — The 2008 Twilight Concert Series Journey starts tonight. And See July 11 taking the stage are The Roots, who offer an eclectic live instrumentation style of hip hop and The Knux, alternative rap artist brothers from New Orleans.

Q Just thinking about this next event makes me want to grow my hair out to my shoulder blades and feather it, and wear red spandex pants ... oooh, I think I still have a pair, yippee! Anyhoo, get nostalgic with Journey, Heart and Cheap Trick (aka Michael Aaron) under the stars tonight.

11

Through Sunday, Camp Taylor, Pocatello, Idaho.

Free, registration required, 208-282-5312 or genesisproj.com.

Q I’m all jazzed about the Salt Lake City Jazz Festival ... okay, cornball! Anyhoo, the three-day event includes the sounds of such jazz artists as Gerald Albright, Chase Baird Group, The Latin Jazz All

Major Events of the Community july 3–6 Bear Ruckus ­

7pm, USANA Amphitheatre, 5400 S. 6200 West.

Tickets $25–125, 487-4899 or smithstix.com.

utahbears.com

12

july 19

SATURDAY — These gals are “rubbing salt in open wounds.” The all-star Salt City Shakers are taking on Foco Girls Gone Derby. Cheer on Axta Grind, Dirty Pirate Hooker, Legg Beater and the rest of the team as they roller skate around in a circle trying to knock over other burly women — guys, it’s a lot more fun than it sounds!

PWACU’s Charity Fashion Show & Silent Auction, pwacu.org july 21 And The Banned Played On ­

7pm, Utah Olympic Oval, 5662 S. 4800 West. Tickets $10, 487-4899 or smithstix.com.

planbtheatre.org

13

august 1–3

SUNDAY — I’ve lube wrestled in the park before ... just not exactly like they’ll be doing it at The Village’s Bar-B-Queer. Check out the food, the lube, the guys, the prizes and obviously the creepy cruisers, too. Co-sponsored

by QUAC, this will be a queerific day, and it’s free, yippee!

Noon, Fairmont Park, 2361 S. 900 East. Free, 4872323 or utahaids.org.

14

MONDAY — The Worldstage!

Outdoor Concerts at the Utah Cultural Center kicks off tonight with Strings in Time featuring Idlewild, Public Domain String band and Red desert

The Village Summit utahaids.org Park City Arts Festival kimball-art.org august 7–10 PWACU River Trip pwacu.org august 8–9 Red Rock Women’s Festival, Torrey redrockwomensfest.com august 10 Q Day at Lagoon august 24 Center Golf Classic utahpridecenter.org

7pm, Thursdays through Aug. 28, Gallivan Center, 239 S. Main Street. Free.

For complete summer lineup 596-5000 or slcgov.com/arts/twilight.

FRIDAY — They’ve been sort of roughin’ it in the wilderness for the last five years. Join the best Idaho social gay camp for men ages 18-35 this weekend ... it’s free, yippee! Sponsored by The Genesis Project, Camp Genesis is a fun, eventful weekend in the hills near Pocafello, and is free of alcohol and drugs.

Save the Date

september 16 Equality Utah Allies Dinner equalityutah.org september 26–27 Ramblers. Enjoy such musical genres as bluegrass, nu-jazz, acoustic and even rockn-roll.

Southern Utah Pride, Springdale. ­ southernutahpride.org

8pm, Mondays through Aug. 25, Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South. Free, 965-5100 or wvc-ut.gov.

october 10–12

UPCOMING

mwffl.org

EVENTS

July 21 AUG. 20 Aug. 25 OCT. 20 Nov. 21 Nov. 22

John Mayer, USANA Amphitheatre KT Tunstall, Red Butte Garden Sheryl Crow, USANA Amphitheatre David Sedaris, Abravanel Hall Celine Dion, ES Arena Coldplay, ES Arena

SLC GayBowl VIII

october 11 Coming Out Day Breakfast utahpridecenter.org Email arts@­qsaltlake.com for consideration to be included in Save the Date.

AN RE TW SS

Praise the Altar Boyz

By Tony Hobday

It goes with unwavering certainty that attending the Altar Boyz’ “Raise the Praise” performance, now touring through Park City, would at least be a stunning visual treat. But the real treat is that this Catholic-American boy band shares the word of God through song with such satirical piety and blasphemous conviction that it’s like sitting with the boyz au naturel in a tub of holy water and Mr. Bubbles, cleansing our sins.

Matthew (Thomas Marcus) is the handsome leader, the tie that binds the band and the object of Mark’s (Kevin Jordan) flaming affection. Luke (Joshua Joel Black) is the band’s bad boy — the white homie — who is temperamental, slow-witted and whose bouts of “exhaustion” tend to put him into recovery. Juan (Phillip R. Lowe) is the token racial minority of the group, and Abraham (William Richardson) is their young, wide-eyed Jewish songwriter.

Backed by drums, keyboards and a guitarist on stage, the Altar Boyz create heavenly harmony with every song. Gary Alder and Michael Patrick Walker’s music and lyrics are high-octane and sacrilegious respectively — like “Rhythm in Me” and particularly “Number 918” — even the least religious person would fear eternal damnation for sitting through this song.

The show is fast-paced — the boyz saving all the sinners in about 80 minutes (including themselves in classic boy band

revelation). Between the musical numbers, however, it feels a few of the scenes are just unnecessary filler and the humor is forced. On the other hand, Juan’s misunderstanding of the English term “ass,” which could possibly end the existence of carrots, is popular crass humor; and the scene in which Juan learns the fate of his parents is well played out — Mark retreating a squeaky cart is classic Lucille Ball formula.

Kudos to choreographer Michelle Hunt Robbins who captures the essence of boyband dance. The methodical unification, the tight movement and sharp edges, and the high groove factor are all there. The boyz’ good looks and execution of each dance number is hotter than 98°; in fact picture hundreds of naive prepubescent girls screaming and waving handmade posters pleading “Marry Me Mark?” and homosexual men swaying, eyes peeled, daydreaming “Wham bam ... oh yeah, Abraham!”

Phillip R. Lowe, who plays Juan, also serves as the production’s costume designer. Abraham dressed in a T-shirt emblazoned with the word “Ezekiel” and Mark’s mega-gay white trousers (that are so ’90s) are decent comic effects.

The production, directed by L.L. West, contains some audience interaction, which in the case of a concert setting is appropriate — however, as of late, it seems many theatergoers are less than enchanted with the concept. Perhaps they want

July 3 , 20 0 8 | issue 10 6 | QSa lt L a k e | 25

to be lost in the story, not literally pulled into it.

The Utah premiere of the Off-Broadway hit has a possibility of not being a huge success, and certainly by no fault of the Egyptian Theatre Company or the boyz themselves. Utah’s abundant number of religious radicals would sooner walk out wasting the $30 ticket than risk losing

their free ticket through the Pearly Gates.

Then again, with so many of us apparently beyond retribution, we may as well praise the Altar Boyz over and over again ... the boyz have earned it. Q

Performances run through Aug. 2 at Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main Street, Park City. Tickets $23–34, call 435-649-9371 or visit parkcityshows. com.

CDiva

Q Scene

Cyndi Lauper ‘Bring Ya To The Brink’ Review by Tony Hobday

Though there are some harsh feelings towards Cyndi Lauper (for the cancellation of the True Colors concert), at least from QSaltLake’s Arts Editor, her new album release Bring Ya To The Brink is freakin’ hot! However, if you’re looking for classic Cyndi, you won’t get it from this CD. With the exception of possibly two singles, you’d never believe it is her. She’s still has the dance club tempo and energy, but she’s now more electro-funk with a hint of a stronger, deeper Cyndi. Overall, the 12-single disc will keep you bumpin’, humpin’ and crumpin’ ... no, really!

Team QSaltLake of the Pride Community Softball League is really more into our social events than our games. Here we are at our first barbecue of the season. Photos by Brenda Martinez.

Donna Summer ‘Crayons’

Review by Tony Hobday

QSaltLake, Club Try-Angles, Mischievous Pleasures and Cockers joined forces to bring us the “Beach Party by Day, Underwear Party by Night” as a fundraiser for PWACU and the QCares Foundation.

Photos by Shane Dexter.

26 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

Another decadeslong diva, Donna Summer also changes the bar with her new release Crayons.

Here, she delves into a sort of hip-pop with a hint of the kind of disco that made her famous. As with Cyndi, you’d hardly believe you just bought a Donna Summer CD until you hear the single “I’m on Fire,” which is a ringing reminder that the woman can belt out the tunes like no other.

Overall, the 12-single disc is favorable and the song “Crayons,” featuring Ziggy Marley is pretty cool, but groovy ’70s Donna is better than da bomb ’08s Donna.

Chante Moore Love The Woman In addition to solid R&B material, Love the Woman rekindles Chante’s love for jazz.

Covering such hits as Nancy Wilson’s “Guess Who I Saw Today” and Aretha Franklin’s “Start of Something Big.” On the CD as well is a moving rendition of Minnie Rippterton’s “Give Me Time,” the song to which Chante walked down the aisle on her wedding day.

QSaltLake would like to apologize for giving credit to Kim Russo for the Pride Community Softball League photos published in the QScene section of the June 5, 2008 issue. The photographer who actually took the fabulous pictures is Kat Stone.

Body Awareness Workshop Continued from Page 6

“in almost every case there’s very little response anymore.” Why? “Through altering their body in a specific way, they’re more in touch with the reality around them and able to deal with it,” Linden says. “In this case it’s just a tissue and there’s no reason to do anything.”

“What I might do next is say, ‘OK, this was just a tissue and it’s irrelevant. But the same processes of fear and anger and dissociation are at play when it’s a real attack.’” To demonstrate this, he might walk up to a volunteer and shout a meaningless word like “cookie!” and teach them how to undo their freeze or flight response in this situation. Sometimes, he may even walk a volunteer through a role play in which an anti-gay slur is shouted at him or her.

The goal then, he says, is for the volunteer not to let the slur affect his or her body, to keep focused and to prepare to do something besides “cowering in a corner.”

“We swim in an ocean of communication, and the human tendency is to take in and reflect in your body what the attacker’s evaluation of you is,” he explains. For those who might find such a scenario too intimidating, Linden is quick to add that participants never have to do anything that makes them uncomfortable.

Frequently, Linden also uses his workshops to tear down conventional (and he thinks flat out wrong) definitions of power and compassion — namely that power is domineering and compassion is weak.

To illustrate this point, Linden provides the following scene which he says he would love to use to teach “hate mongers” how weak their hate makes them. “[I would tell them] stand in a strong stance and resist my push on your shoulders. Now, say a few words about pizza.

And now talk about gay people being an abomination,” he says. “People usually have the clear experience that talking about pizza produces very little response, but speaking hatefully creates contraction, reduces balance and makes the speaker unable to resist my push. One can use strength and force in a state of contraction, but that involves a lot of wasted effort.”

A compassionate and powerful person on the other hand, says Linden, is able to look at life from a view of tolerance, to not let hate or weakness overwhelm him or her and can act “forcefully and effectively from a place of sensitivity and compassion.”

Although the workshop will focus on the body, Linden encourages people of all ability levels to attend.

“None of the movements will be vigorous, dangerous or difficult,” he says.

“Nothing will be more complicated than dropping a penny into a cup. If someone has a disability or a limitation of some kind, we’ll modify the exercise so it works for them at their level of ability.”

And while his workshop has definite points to make, Linden also said he’s willing to throw out the lesson plan completely and do whatever he and the group decide they need.

To register for the workshop, contact Jim Struve

by July 15 at (801) 364-5700, Ext. 1. Cost is $45 and includes a box lunch. The workshop will be held at the Utah Aikido Dojo (3474 S 2300 E) on July 19 from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Participants are asked to bring a bath towel for balance exercises. For more information and registration forms visit jimstruve.com/workshops.htm.

Individual QUAC Rankings

Rudy Gomez: 18th place in 100-meter freestyle swim, 8th place in 100-meter backstroke, Continued from page 6 11th place in 200-meter freestyle, 13th place in Thad Applegate: 39th place in 100-meter 50-meter backstroke and 13th place on a relay freestyle swim and 13th place in relay Brian Harper: 5th place in 100-meter freestyle Tyler Barlow: 18th place in 50-meter swim, 3rd place in 50-meter butterfly stroke, freestyle swim and 12th place in 50-meter and 13th and 9th place on a relay breaststroke Milan Jendrisek: 26th place in 100-meter Jeff Breglio: 7th place in 1500-meter freestyle swim and 18th place in 50-meter freestyle swim and 5th place in relay Dennis Clayton: 32nd place in 100-meter butterfly stroke freestyle swim, 23rd place in 50-meter butterfly Jonathon Jepsen: 19th place in 100-meter freestyle swim, 14th place in 50-meter backstroke, 23rd place in 50-meter breaststroke, stroke, and 13th place and 10th place in relays 22nd place in 50-meter freestyle swim and Jeff Lewis: 7th place in 1500-meter freestyle 22nd place in 100-meter individual medly swim and 9th place on a relay Matt Furness: 12th place in 1500-meter Val Mansfield: 8th place in 100-meter freestyle swim and 34th place in 100-meter backstroke, 11th place in 50-meter backstroke, individual medly Ken Gentry: 23rd place in 50-meter butterfly 14th place in 50-meter freestyle and 11th place stroke, 24th place in 50-meter freestyle swim, in 100-meter freestyle swim and 12th and 5th place in relays Barbara Nash: 2nd place in 200-meter

breaststroke and 2nd place in 100-meter breaststroke and 2nd place in 50-meter breaststroke Nadar Oskui: 29th place in 100-meter freestyle swim, 26th place in 50-meter butterfly stroke, 25th place in 50-meter freestyle and 31st in 100-meter individual medly Raul Peragallo: 15th place in 100-meter freestyle swim, 19th place in 50-meter butterfly stroke, 13th place in 200-meter freestyle swim and 22nd in 200-meter individual medly Ryan Reid: 19th place in 50-meter freestyle swim and 9th place in relay Paul Reynolds: 1st place in one- and three-meter springboard, 1st place in one- and three-meter synchronized diving and 20th place in 100-meter individual medly Micheal Snider: 23rd place in 100-meter freestyle Kyle Treadway: 2nd place in 200-meter

individual medly, 2nd place in 400-meter individual medly, 7th place in 100-meter individual medly, 4th place in 100-meter butterfly stroke and 4th place in 200-meter butterfly stroke Kennie Turner: 34th place in 50-meter freestyle swimming and 5th place on a relay Craig Voegeli: 34th place in 100-meter freestyle, 21st place in 200-meter freestyle, 16th place in 50-meter breaststroke, and 11th, 12th and 9th places in relays

Overall Scores QUAC took 5th, 9th, 13th and 16th place in the 200-meter medly relay, 13th place in the 400meter freestyle relay, and 10th, 11th and 12th place in the 200-meter freestyle relay.

QUAC water polo took the silver medal.

QUAC women’s water polo took the bronze medal.

QUAC took 5th overall in the medium size category. q

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Friday, July 11th Ogden Show — All Female Revue

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Friday, July 18th Night of Enchantment

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Sunday, July 20th National Young Leaders of America Fundraiser Hosted by Ashlee and Lola

Friday, July 25th Fundraiser Hosted by Parker and Biff

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201 East 300 South Salt Lake City 801-519-8900 www.tavernacle.com A Private Club for Members 30 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

DOLLAR DRAFTS Sundays, Mondays and Wednesdays OLDIES Mondays DUELING PIANOS Wednesdays through Saturdays

HOMES FOR SALE

Q Classifieds

9TH & 9TH

REAL ESTATE FEATURED PROPERTY:

MARMALADE TUDOR

247 W Reed Ave (750 North)

Charming Marmalade tudor on a quiet street!

Extrordinary space, hardwood floors, formal dining, large kitchen, basement is a walk out w/great ceiling height — this is a great home! Great neighbors! Half block from the city’s newest upscale gay bar — JAM at the Marmalade.

3 bedrooms, 1½ baths in this 2,352 square foot house.

ROOMMATES

C O M F O R TA B L E 9 T H & 9 T H / Tr o l l e y. Q u a l i t y R e s t o r a tion with attention to detail!

1923 brick bungalow 2 bed 1½ bath. All original wood including floors, mantle and built-ins.

Original tile fireplace neatly updated to gas.

Fabulous antique lighting fixtures and new push button dimmer switches throughout. Many wonderful amenities including tranquil, private yard with fish pond, paver patio and walks, hot tub, gym room with large cedar sauna (gym equipment and treadmill included), wall bed, heartland vintage-style stove (kosher even!), new high efficiency furnace, fully storm-windowed, newer roof, mature landscaping, outdoor lighting and electrical, wired for cable/satellite/stereo.

613 S 800 E. $345,000 Mark McGowan at Rainbow Mountain Realty 486-4872

CAPITOL HILL/MARMALADE

Summit Sotheby’s International Realty

801.467.2100 MLS ID#790379 FEATURED PROPERTY:

ROOMMATE WANTED to rent bedroom in cute bungalow with laundry room. I’m a male, nonsmoker. $350 per month, utils included. $150 deposit. Call Steve at 801-688-1918 or email me at PMKirt234@yahoo.com ROOMMATE ADS are just $5!

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HELP WANTED

MARMALADE 1900 BUNGALOW. 2 Bed, 1 Bath, Family Room / Den, Semi Formal Dining, Laundry. 222 W. Fern (720 North). $229,900. Call Sarah Brown, 694-6679.

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HEART of MARMALADE. 2-story conventional style single family 3 bed 2 ba home built in 1876 is ~2136 sq ft. Den/Office, Formal Dining. 326 Almond St, $279,999.

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GLENDALE

Fantastic Remodel on these 1- and 2-bedroom units. New central air, hardwoods, tile, windows, fixtures, full appliance package. Fully fenced private backyards available.

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AWESOME remodeled 3 bed, 2 bath Glendale home Stainless Steel appliances, maple kitchen, bamboo floors and more. 1553 W. Indiana Ave MLS# 787787 $155,900, Kerry Sanford, Service First Realty, 801-201-0665 or visit me online @ KerrySanford.com.

SUGAR HOUSE

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PERSONALS

MARMALADE SQUARE

FOR SALE

1996 ISUZU Trooper 4x4 Limited Edition. 3.2 liter engine, automatic drive. Includes sunroof, power windows and seats, side-mirror defrost, heated leather seats, overdrive, headlight wipers, 20CD player and A/C. Gray/dark blue. Low mileage. Interior/exterior in great condition. $4100 obo.

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Service Guide ACCOUNTANTS

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A Bookkeeping, Payroll & Tax Service

(formerly Heart-Song Enterprises, Inc.)

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Terri Busch, LCSW Empathy is a radical act

Individual, Couples and Family Counseling.

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FOR RENT

AVAIL JULY 1. Beautiful, clean 1 bedroom Avenues apartment in historic home at 165 A Street.

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FOR RENT ADS are just $10 per issue. Call 801-649-6663 to get yours in the next issue.

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INSURANCE Steven R Fisher Insur Agcy Inc

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COMMITMENT CEREMONIES

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July 3 , 20 0 8 | issue 10 6 | QSa lt L a k e | 3 1

Q Puzzle

2008 Tonys

49 Edna Ferber work about an erection?

51 They made laws against O. Wilde’s love life Across 52 Official at a Houston 1 What you touch getting to Comets game third base?

54 Witherspoon and others 58 Lyricist nominated for 5 Peter’s place a Tony for The Little 9 Lupone, who won the Mermaid Best Performance by a Leading Actress Tony for 61 Org. for Etheridge and lang 69-Across 64 Ballet supporters?

14 Penetrating reed 65 Prefix with gravure, in 15 Asian inland sea “Easter Parade” 16 Humped antelope 66 Respond to Suzanne 17 Where a cobbler puts the Westenhoefer tongue 67 Ham cut 18 “Lesbians ignite!” e.g.

68 Caligula’s way 19 Big tops 69 See 9-Across 20 Best Revival of a Musical 70 Mishima’s continent Tony winner 71 Richard of And the Band 23 Samantha’s uncle Played On 24 Posed for Catherine Opie 25 Hawk-chicken difference Down 1 Nova opening 28 Seminal computer 2 Can’t bear 31 Big Lovely singer Toshi 3 Date, with “with” 33 They go at the bottoms of 4 Foam at the mouth letters 5 A rainbow flag symbol36 PC drive insert izes this 38 Stud fee?

6 Anthropology, to 39 Winner of a Lifetime Margaret Mead Achievement Tony 7 It might go right to the 43 Result of a sexually active bottom Woody 8 Fashion designer Perry 44 Slim bear 9 Not a dress size for 3145 Place for porking?

Across 46 Women’s music festival 10 Mapa of Desperate Housewives ___ Fair Test your knowledge of this year’s awards

Cryptogram A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached. This week’s hint: F = V

Theme: Recent quote by Michelle Obama at the Gay & Lesbian Leadership Council.

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11 Provincetown project 12 Stuff for a blow job?

13 Puts the finger on a bad man 21 Hump 22 Way out 25 Endora portrayer 26 Fly cry 27 Fred Phelps, to gay community 29 River of da Vinci’s land 30 The bottom lines 32 Postcoital sigh 33 Reading at Metropolitan Community Church 34 “Take it off!”

35 Emulates a market bear 37 Con ___ (rather fast, to Copland) 40 Waikiki paste 41 Lincoln’s state 42 Towels off 47 ___ boy (male escort) 48 Cut 50 Lou of Glenn Burke’s sport 53 Jazzman Hines, contemporary of Billy Strayhorn 55 Hit, for Shakespeare 56 Enjoyer of Stephen Pyles 57 Make noise in bed 58 Fag ___ (women with gay friends) 59 Hoppers, in Barry Humphries’ land 60 Prefix meaning “tenth” 61 Easy subj. for John Nash 62 Oral input 63 Bra half

Anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer:

This brand of sexy men’s underwear was featured at QSaltLake’s Beach Party at Club Try-Angles.

___ ___ ___ ____ ____ _______ joeys nerd __ _____ ___ _______ ___ ____ ___ ____, ____ _____ __ ___ ______ _________, __ ___ _______ __ _ PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON ____ _______ _____.

PAGE 34 32 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 105 | June 19, 20 0 8

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Sex on a Plane

by Joseph Dewey

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s summer, a season for travel of all sorts â&#x20AC;&#x201D; by train, automobile, bus, boat and, of course, plane. Especially plane. Since this is a sex column, you probably know where this is going: up, up and away, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not talking about fuel prices.

For this installment I read everything that I could on the so-called mile high club â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that is, the art of having sex on an aircraft. And hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what I learned. The best time for joining the mile high club is on a very long flight, after the meal service, and about 20 minutes into the in-flight movie.

Forget about airplane sex on a short flight.

Each airplane has bathrooms that vary wildly in size. Look for the biggest one on the plane youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on. Bathrooms with changing trays, should you be able to find one, tend to be bigger.

You should leave your seat first, go to the pre-determined lavatory and lock the door. Your partner should knock on the door and join you a minute later. When exiting, leave together, but have your partner return to his or her seat first. You should mill around the bathrooms for a minute, so you return to your seats at different times.

Always make airplane sex a quickie.

Always. You donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really have many options for positions in a cramped airplane

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faces as theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re exiting the tiny bathrooms and wonder.

I suppose I could try the whole jerking off in the bathroom thing, but I almost always masturbate to porn. I have this scary picture of bringing porn on the plane, and then accidentally tripping and falling on my way to the bathroom. I can just see my bag opening up and spilling porno magazines all over an innocent Mormon sister returning to Salt Lake from her mission in Sri Lanka. Her Daddy is an attorney who lives on the Hill, and my name gets plastered all over the local newspapers, with a quote from me that goes something like, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t trying to corrupt an innocent, honestly! I was just trying to masturbate on the plane.â&#x20AC;?

Yeah. For me, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s better to keep porn and masturbation at home. Q

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I stopped for religious reasons.

I stopped masturbating for six years. Seriously.

Six years.

But refraining wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worth it.

During my dry streak, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d have wet dreams all the time. Most guys Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve talked to have nice wet dreams. Mine, however, always ended bizarrely in a horribly misshapen public bathroom.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d remember all the parts after Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d creamed my pajamas, but hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t woken up yet. So in my dream Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be embarrassed and roam awkwardly around a large, inexplicable dream bathroom for about 10 minutes until Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d finally wake up.

I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t remember my sexy dream, just the uneasiness from plodding through a nightmarish bathroom.

Understandably when I started masturbating again, the bathroom just wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t doing it for me anymore. I tried to masturbate in the shower once, to see if Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like it. It was OK, but it took me forever to finish. That was quite a few years ago, and I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t done it since. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get me wrong. I masturbate a lot (just not in the vicinity of a toilet). Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a big proponent of masturbation. Though I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t officially condone airplane masturbation, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sure it happens all the time. I look at peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

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bathroom, so decide how youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to fit together before you get there. Wear loose-fitting clothes. And out of respect for whomeverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face gets crammed into the mirror, bring a packet of anti-bacterial wipes to disinfect the bathroom.

Your flight attendant will probably know what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re up to. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re very savvy about everything that happens on the plane. If you get caught, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be obnoxious. Return discreetly and quietly to your seat, and follow all the attendantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s instructions.

The most important thing: Whatever you do, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have an after-sex cigarette unless youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to tell TSA why the smoke alarms are all shrieking. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s everything you ever wanted to know about joining the club.

Of course, you could opt for a blanketcovered hand job in the seat. That eliminates the need for all the above steps, but it also takes away all the fun.

Now, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never joined the mile high club. But I always think about joining when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m on an airplane. I also wonder, â&#x20AC;&#x153;What would it be called if you just masturbated in the plane restroom?â&#x20AC;? The name I keep thinking of is â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Mile-Low Club.â&#x20AC;? If I had sex on the plane, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d feel like giving everyone high-fives on my way back to my seat. If I masturbated in a plane bathroom, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be super selfconscious. Instead of high-fiving people, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d feel low and put my hand sheepishly back in my pocket. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d also be reluctant because of the horrible smell that looms around the airplane lavatories. Or maybe I just feel that way because I have hang-ups about bathrooms and masturbation.

See, when I was young, I used to masturbate in the bathroom all the time. But then

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â&#x20AC;&#x201A; July 3 , 20 0 8â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; issue 10 6â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; QSa lt L a k eâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; 33

CALL TO ADVERTISE â&#x20AC;˘ 801-649-6663

Support the Businesses that Support You

Q Tales Jacin Tales

These businesses brought you this issue of QSaltLake.

Make sure to thank them with your patronage.

Episode 4: Desperation

A New Day Spa. . . . . . . . 272-3900

By A.E. Storm

A Touch to Know . . . . . . 633-4860 Aaron Butler . . . . . . . . . . .554-4723

A

WEEK HAD PASSED SINCE THE THORN

of Jacin and Jody’s marriage pricked George’s heart. Tension filled their home like the hot, heavy air in a sauna. Jacin’s fervent apologies and guilt-fueled acts of redemption managed only to push the thorn in further, reminding George of Jacin’s deception.

Banished from their bed, Jacin lay outright on the living couch, an old floral bed sheet draped over his body, and Hansel and Gretel (their two dachshunds) curled up at his feet. Stephen King’s Desperation was propped open on his chest. As Jacin read: “It was not terror this thought called up in his mind and heart but despair, as if the image of Brian’s fingers laced together in his coffin proved that nothing was worth anything, that doing never once in the world stopped dying ...” his mind drifted to the memory of that frightening day eight years earlier when he rushed Jody, his then-roommate, to the hospital after she collapsed on the Gallivan Center ice rink, her knee popped out of its socket.

At the time Jody didn’t carry health insurance and because of the doctor’s persistent recommendation for surgery they agreed to a shotgun City Hall wedding and an update to Jacin’s health insurance policy.

The marriage was to be annulled shortly after Jody’s surgery, but because of certain hurdles in obtaining an annulment in Utah, they continually postponed it. Then, by the year’s end, they realized the tax break for married couples was worth stay-

ing married ... at least for the time being. And as years passed, the tax refunds outweighed the annulment.

Then, when Jacin and George first met each other at a mutual friend’s Halloween party, their attraction was as mysterious and brooding as the night. Jacin arrived with Eddie and Josh dressed as the original crime-fighting trio, Charlie’s Angels. George, a vampire who resembled the saddlebag-skinned George Hamilton in Love at First Bite, was quickly taken by Josh’s attire. He couldn’t help but smile as he thought to himself, “Sabrina looks like a haggard, butch Russian wrestler.” As the night progressed, they walked circles around each other, sizing each other up.

Finally, excitement erupted, breaking fever in their groins. They embraced, lips locking in each other’s essence. Those in the room around them disappeared from existence one at a time until Jacin and George were left alone, weightless and fused in passion.

After they returned to earth, and Marilyn Monroe, Tinkerbell, merman and others redeveloped like photos, Jacin took George’s hand and led him out to his Ford Bronco. They barreled into the backseat, giggling mischievously. They tore at each other’s costumes like rabid dogs, the stiff October air biting at their bare skin. Jacin leaned forward between the front seats,

Puzzle Solutions Cryptogram: We are all only here because of those who marched and bled and died, from Selma to Stonewall, in the pursuit of a more perfect union.

Anagram:

Crossword

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3 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 10 6 | July 3 , 20 0 8

Joe Snyder

BargainBanners.com The Beer Nut . . . . . . . . . . 531-8182 Bliss Nightlife . . . . . . . . . 860-1083 Blue Boutique . . . . . . . . .485-2072 Body Electric . . . . . . . . . 699-7044 Club Try-Angles . . . . . . . 364-3203 popped open the glove compartment and fumbled for a condom. Three minutes and twenty-seven seconds later, heaving chests and deep satisfied breaths had fogged the windows beyond transparency. As they lain wrapped in each other’s arms on the backseat, Jacin felt the urge to tell George of his marriage to Jody, but as the words reached his lips, they immediately disappeared. Each passing day since, the words failed to reappear.

Now George sat in bed, knees up near his chest and arms resting on them. He stared blankly at the platinum and white gold wedding band radiating from its velvet ring box resting in his hands. He thought about the man he loved who, at this moment, was 40 feet away on the couch; and he thought about the night that first began their life together. With the exception of a handful of verbal standoffs about flirting with other guys, looking at internet porn and leaving shoes in the middle of the room, George believed their love was seamless and eternal ... until now. He suddenly snapped the box shut, turned off the bedside lamp and definitively decided to return the ring the next morning.

Just as George was drifting off, the bedroom door creaked open. He opened his eyes and could only make out a beaten down silhouette of Jacin standing in the doorway.

“I love you George ... more than I know how to show you. I’m really sorry I kept the marriage from you all these years, but it’s such an old part of my past I never even think about it anymore.”

George rolled over in the bed so his back faced Jacin, as if building a wall to protect himself from anymore pain.

Jacin continued, “We have a good life even with our problems, and our love for each other is strong enough to overcome the problems. This is our life ... I’ll fight for it and I hope you will, too.”

Jacin hoped for a response, but none came so he slowly shut the bedroom door behind him on his way back to the couch.

To be continued…

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QSaltLake Thanks our Sponsors of the Beach Party by Day/Underwear Party by Night Fundraiser for QCares Foundation and PWACU

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