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Our Annual Swimsuit & Underwear Fashion Issue
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Staff Box publisher/editor
Michael Aaron assistant editor
In This Issue
JoSelle Vanderhooft arts & entertainment editor
ISSUE 135 • August 20, 2009
Tony Hobday graphic designer
Where the Wild Things Are
Our Swimwear and Underwear Issue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
Lagoon Day Pics
Were you in the group shot?. . . . . . . 32
News
World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Local. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Views
Guest Editorial. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 Snaps & Slaps. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Ruby Ridge. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Lambda Lore . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Creep of Week. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 QSafety. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
A&E
Gay Agenda . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28 Dining Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Crossword Puzzle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Comics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Cryptogram . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Qdoku. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 Anagram. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 Petunia Pap-Smear. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 Puzzle Answers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 The Back Page. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
Christian Allred contributors
Lynn Beltran Brad Di Iorio Ruth Hackford-Peer Ryan Shattuck Troy Williams Christopher Katis Petunia Pap-Smear
Joseph Dewey Anthony Paull Ruby Ridge Ben Williams Rex Wockner David Alder
contributing photographers
David Daniels Laurie Kaufman
Brian Gordon David Newkirk
sales manager
Brad Di Iorio
Need Help Buyingor Selling? I received the RE/MAX Executive Club Award in 2006
ASSOCIATES
office manager
Tony Hobday distribution
Brad Di Iorio Aaron Smith Gary Horenkamp Nancy Burkhart publisher
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4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
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OUTSPORTS.COM The broadest, deepest, most informative and most entertaining gay sports community. BREAKING NEWS, COMMENTARY, FEATURES, MEMBER PROFILES, PHOTO GALLERIES, AND DISCUSSION BOARDS
Q World By Rex Wockner
Groups Split on Prop 8 Repeal Timing Equality California said Aug. 12 that it does not support returning to the ballot to try to repeal Proposition 8 until 2012. Other groups are preparing for a 2010 ballot fight. They include the Courage Campaign, Love Honor Cherish, Los Angeles’ Stonewall Democratic Club and at least 40 other organizations. “Donors want to make sure their investments to win back marriage are wisely invested,” EQCA Marriage Director Marc Solomon said in an Aug. 12 conference call with reporters. “Monolithically, they are not supportive of returning to the ballot (in 2010).” “There’s no question that the community is, you know, not unified behind one position and we really feel that we ... owe the LGBT community and our allies our best analysis,” Solomon said. “We’d Equality California Marriage be leading people down a path that I Director Marc Solomon don’t feel comfortable leading them down (if we supported 2010). It’s our job to say, ‘We think this 38month path is the right path.’” Solomon said the next ballot fight will cost “$40 million to $60 million.” “Californians have been static on the issue of marriage equality over the last four years,” he added. “We’ve been stuck and we need to figure out how to get unstuck. ... There are a small number of undecided voters on this issue.” EQCA executive director Geoff Kors said that “if (other) people want to move forward with 2010, they’re welcome to it.” “It’s a democracy and a free country,” Kors said. “If something qualifies, we will support it (but) we think we have one shot over these next elections. ... We’ve come to a different conclusion than other organizations. ... We’re going to do this right and smart and strategically.” Meanwhile, the Courage Campaign announced Aug. 12, an hour before EQCA’s announcement, that it is moving forward with plans for a 2010 ballot battle. In recent months, the Courage Campaign arguably has become as important a player in statewide GLBT politics as EQCA, though EQCA is a traditional lobby group while Courage Campaign is more of a netroots and grassroots operation.
In an Aug. 12 mailing to its 700,000 supporters, the Courage Campaign sent a “special message” from Steve Hildebrand, who was Barack Obama’s deputy campaign manager. In the message, Hildebrand, who is openly gay, said: “I feel strongly that 2010 is the right time to courageously win back marriage rights in California — as strongly as I felt when I decided to devote two years of my life to help Barack Obama run for President despite warnings from the pundits and pollsters that he would never occupy the Oval Office.” In an Aug. 10 interview with Los Angeles journalist Karen Ocamb, Hildebrand elaborated: “I believe it’s winnable in 2010 and that the community should not be afraid to take this to the ballot in 2010. ... In a perfect world, you want everybody on the same page but we don’t live in a perfect world and different people have different ideas. I do believe that if groups move forward and start a petition drive, that most all groups will feel compelled to join because they don’t want to see a loss. But they might come kicking and screaming.” Hildebrand said the California “gay community ... needs to have confidence that it can win this” and should not “let political prognosticators who suggest they can’t win it in 2010 scare them away.” Some California gay groups ex-
pressed dismay with EQCA’s announcement and vowed to carry on without the organization. “We are extremely disappointed, but not surprised, by Equality California’s decision today to wait until 2012 ... especially since every poll we conducted shows majority support within the LGBT community (including 70 percent of EQCA’s own membership) to put a marriage-equality initiative on the ballot next year,” said Yes! on Equality. Newly prominent California blogger Phillip Minton (unitethefight.org) said the Aug. 12 developments kicked off a battle between Equality California and Courage Campaign over “who’s going to win the right to win rights.” “The California LGBT population is experiencing whiplash and fears that these announcements will drive the wedge of division that already exists deeper into the heart of the community,” Minton said. Proposition 8, passed last Nov. 4 by 52 percent of California voters, amended the state constitution to re-ban same-sex marriage, which had been legal since June 16, 2008, following a state Supreme Court ruling that banning gay couples from marrying was unconstitutional. In May of this year, the state Supreme Court ruled that Prop 8 was a valid exercise of the voters’ power to amend the constitution.
Quips & Quotes
APA Says Turning Gays Straight Doesn’t Work
possibilities for a religiously and spiritually meaningful and rewarding life.” “In other words,” said Glassgold, “we recommend that psychologists be completely honest about the likelihood of sexual-orientation change, and that they help clients explore their assumptions and goals with respect to both religion and sexuality.”
weighing in on the refusal by St. George’s Spectrum to print a Utah gay couple’s wedding announcement.
The American Psychological Association adopted a resolution Aug. 5 saying that mental-health professionals should avoid telling clients that sexual orientation can be changed. The “Resolution on Appropriate Affirmative Responses to Sexual Orientation Distress and Change Efforts” was approved by the APA’s governing Council of Representatives at the association’s annual convention in Toronto after an APA task force reported on the efficacy of so-called “reparative therapy” efforts. “Contrary to claims of sexual-orientation change advocates and practitioners, there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation,” said the task force’s chair, Judith M. Glassgold. “At most, certain studies suggested that some individuals learned how to ignore or not act on their homosexual attractions. Yet, these studies did not indicate for whom this was possible, how long it lasted or its long-term mental-health effects. Also, this result was much less likely to be true for people who started out only attracted to people of the same sex.” The task force determined that some gay people who want to go straight are in distress because their sexuality and religious beliefs conflict. It recommended that mental-health-care providers help these clients “explore possible life paths that address the reality of their sexual orientation, reduce the stigma associated with homosexuality, respect the client’s religious beliefs, and consider
6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
Anchorage Mayor Vetoes Gay Rights Law Anchorage Mayor Dan Sullivan on Aug. 17 vetoed a gay rights bill that had passed the Anchorage Assembly (city council) 7–4. “My review shows that there is clearly a lack of quantifiable evidence necessitating this ordinance,” Sullivan said. “My review also shows that the vast majority of those who Anchorage Mayor Dan communicated Sullivan their position on the ordinance are in opposition.” The measure banned discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in employment, housing, public accommodations and credit, with certain exemptions for religious groups and churches. The city council would need to find one additional vote to override the veto, and would have to do so by Sept. 7.
❝ ❝The seeds have already been planted for the biggest
cultural shift GLBT people will have ever experienced.” —Actor Charles Lynn Frost (better known as Sister Dottie Dixon) in an address to Utah participants in the Aug. 15 National Kiss-In.
❝ ❝Clearly, this was a hate crime, pure and simple
— had Bell and Fair been some heterosexual couple there’s no way things would have turned so ugly so quickly. But, because they are gay (which to some peoples’ minds is equivalent to being a child rapist) the boozed-up revelers decided to go over and teach the faggots a lesson.” —City Weekly blogger Brandon Burt discussing the beating of DJ Bell and his partner Dan Fair last summer (Bell’s trial is set for Sept. 21). sucks!!!!!” ❝❝THIS —Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton
❝❝
NCLR is very disturbed and disappointed to hear about the treatment that Spencer and Tyler experienced. No family or couple should be made to feel like their relationship is somehow of a lesser status simply because of their sexual orientation.” —Kate Kendell, executive director of The National Center for Lesbian Rights on the Spectrum wedding announcement incident.
❝❝
I don’t think that kiss would have turned out to be the kiss heard round the world if it were not for Proposition 8.” —Salt Lake City kiss-in organizer Ash Johnsdottir.
❝❝
I think that he’s always been willing to listen and that’s one of the very good things about Senator Bell. You can approach him and you can have a very logical discussion with that man. And that alone is very valuable, very valuable.” —Openly lesbian Rep. Jackie Biskupski, D-Salt Lake City, telling KCPW that she and others will miss Rep. Greg Bell, R-Fruit Heights, now that he has been appointed Lieutenant Governor.
Blogger Lane Hudson who interrupted a speech by former President Bill Clinton
Clinton Regrets DOMA, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Former President Bill Clinton said Aug. 13 that he regrets the way his Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell military gay ban was implemented, and that he doesn’t “like” the Defense of Marriage Act he signed into law. Speaking at the Netroots Nation conference in Pittsburgh, Clinton said: “When Gen. Colin Powell came up with this Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, it was defined while he was chairman much differently than it was implemented. (Powell) said: ‘If you will accept this, here’s what we’ll do. We will not pursue anyone. Any military members out of uniform will be free to march in gay rights parades, go to gay bars, go to political meetings. Whatever mailings they get, whatever they do in their private lives, none of this will be a basis for dismissal.’ It all turned out to be a fraud because of the enormous reaction against it among the middle-level officers and down after it was promulgated and Colin was gone. So nobody regrets how this was implemented any more than I do.” “Look, I think it’s ridiculous,” Clinton continued. “Can you believe they spent — whatever they spent — $150,000 to get rid of a valued Arabic speaker recently? And, you know, the thing that changed me forever on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was when I learned that 130 gay service people were allowed to serve and risk their lives in the first Gulf War, and all their commanders knew they were gay; they let them go out there and risk their lives because they needed them, and then as soon as the first Gulf War was over, they kicked them out. That’s all I needed to know, that’s all anybody needs to know, to know that this policy should be changed.” As for DOMA, Clinton said he doesn’t like it but that it was the lesser of two evils. “The reason I signed DOMA was — and I said when I signed it — that I thought the question of whether gays should marry should be left up to states and to religious organizations, and if any church or other religious body wanted to recognize gay marriage, they ought to,” he said. “We were attempting August 20,
at the time, in a very reactionary Congress, to head off an attempt to send a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage to the states. And if you look at the 11 referenda much later — in 2004, in the election — which the Republicans put on the ballot to try to get the base vote for President Bush up, I think it’s obvious that something had to be done to try to keep the Republican Congress from presenting that. The president doesn’t even get to veto that. The Congress can refer constitutional amendments to the states. I didn’t like signing DOMA and I certainly didn’t like the constraints that were put on benefits, and I’ve done everything I could — and I am proud to say that the State Department was the first federal department to restore benefits to gay partners in the Obama administration, and I think we are going forward in the right direction now for federal employees.” Clinton addressed the two issues after being interrupted by a heckler yelling from the audience. Blogger Lane Hudson shouted: “Mr. President, will you call for a repeal of DOMA and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell right now? Please.” DOMA prevents the federal government from recognizing married gay couples as married and allows states to refuse to recognize other states’ samesex marriages. President Barack Obama repeatedly has vowed to see that DOMA is repealed, but has taken no steps to launch the process. Six states — Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine — have legalized same-sex marriage, while 30 states have amended their constitutions to ban it. In addition, New York and Washington, D.C., recognize the marriages of gay couples who have married elsewhere. The new same-sex marriage laws in Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine have not yet come into force. Same-sex marriage also is legal in Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain and Sweden. 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 7
Utah
Q mmunity Queer Voices
So. Utah Paper: No Wedding Announcement for Gay Couple
A St. George newspaper has refused to run a wedding announcement for a legally married gay couple. Spencer Jones and Tyler Barrick were married in California on June 17, 2008 — the day the state began performing samesex marriages. Their story and pictures appeared in People Magazine and USA Today. In a photo from one story, now featured prominently on a Facebook event page, the couple appears holding a sign proclaiming “Newlyweds, June 17, 2008, Thank you California!” And although Bay State voters passed Proposition 8 — the controversial measure re-banning gay marriage — five months later, Barrick and Jones’ marriage, and those of 18,000 other California couples, is still valid. “A lot of people don’t get that we got the marriage license because we knew Prop. 8 was on ballot and we didn’t know how long that would be on ballot,” said Jones. On Aug. 22, the couple — who now live in San Francisco, but who met in Southern Utah — will celebrate their union at the Washington County home owned by Barrick’s mother, Spectrum publisher surrounded by Donnie Welch friends and family. In preparation for the happy day, they sent a wedding announcement to the Spectrum, St. George’s daily newspaper. A few days later, the paper’s publisher, Donnie Welch, refused to run it. According to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, which released an in-depth statement on the situation on Aug. 13, the paper initially agreed to run the announcement in its “celebrations” section without the photograph the couple had submitted. When Barrick and Jones protested, they said Welch told them he had decided not to run their paid announcement. In an email to the couple, Welch explained that the paper only publishes “marriage announcements recognized by Utah law.” GLAAD also indicated that the Spectrum is owned by the national media corporation Gannett, and that 85 percent of its newspapers publish the wedding
Spencer Jones and Tyler Barrick share a kiss outside San Francisco City Hall on their wedding day. announcements of gay and lesbian couples. Since GLAAD began its Announcing Equality campaign seven years ago, the number of U.S. daily papers that will print such announcements has increased from 70 to 1,052. Jones, who said he once worked as a paperboy for the Spectrum and regularly reads the paper online, said he and Barrick found the decision hurtful and unfair. “It’s not [about] do you agree with my marriage. I’m well reminded many don’t every day,” he said. “But I’m asking [people] to accept I was married due to the good graces of the state of California, and I’m asking to be treated with equality, fairness, respect and decency just as any other married couple is.” Like the story of Matt Aune and Derek Jones, a gay couple detained by LDS Church security in July for kissing on a Salt Lake City plaza owned by the church, news of the spurned announcement spread around the world. In the week since the story first broke, newspapers and blogs from around the world have weighed in on the matter. Closer to home, Welch defended his decision in an Aug. 14 Spectrum article. “I considered strongly who makes up our readers and the conservative nature of our community,” he said, adding that his initial plan to run the announcement sans photo was a “middle ground and allow us time to review our policies.” Welch also noted that his paper had lost readership and ad dollars in the past, including last November when it published a story about a gay couple and Proposition 8. He also said that this was the first time the paper had denied to publish a same-sex marriage announcement and noted that he sometimes had to make policy decisions that conflict with his personal beliefs. “It was a very tough decision,” Welch said. “Even [Jones] commented that I would get an inevitable amount of backlash for running this announcement within the local community.” Welch did not respond to a phone mes-
8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
sage from QSaltLake seeking further comment. On Aug. 15, the Salt Lake Tribune ran the couple’s announcement, complete with photograph. “The policy of the Salt Lake Tribune is that it will accept all wedding announcements. That is a decision made by the publisher,” Brent Low, president and CEO of the paper’s parent company, MediaOne of Utah, said. In interviews with several Utah news stations, Welch said that he may reconsider his decision. “I’m still hopeful they’ll run it, who knows,” said Jones. “But at the very least they’re getting a lot of bad publicity for this decision.” Indeed, Welch told the Spectrum that he had received hate mail when the story broke, though most of the comments he has received are supportive. Jones said he and Barrick have gotten their share of hate mail, including messages that the two should “stay in San Francisco and leave well enough alone and not impose our lifestyle on Utahns.” “It’s not me imposing,” he said. “I was a paperboy for this paper. I lived in St. George for 18 years, and there are people there who don’t share [these commenters’] perspective, and all of them deserve to be celebrated on the celebration page of the Spectrum. That page is not reserved for the religious majority who believe it should be reserved for one type of union. It’s not the newspaper’s place to say which of these unions we agree with and don’t, but to provide a neutral and fair forum where all members of a community are represented.” They have also received supportive messages from all across the world. “We’ve gotten e-mails from Belgium, the Philippines, England and Sweden,” he said. “It’s very comforting that so many people recognize this for what it is: an injustice done to two people.” GLAAD has encouraged Utahns to contact Welch and urge him to publish the announcement. He can be reached at (435) 674-6222 or dwelch@thespectrum. com. Q
The University of Utah’s LGBT Resource Center is looking for monologues about the queer experience for Queer Voices. Modeled after Eve Ensler’s popular play The Vagina Monologues and the Utah Pride Center’s annual Breast Dialogues, an evening of monologues about issues relating to breasts and breast health. Queer Voices will be performed Oct. 7 as part of the university’s Pride Week 2009. Students, faculty, staff and members of the community at large who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, genderqueer or other forms of “queer” are invited to submit monologues no longer than 10 minutes. Authors of selected monologues will have the opportunity to work with the program’s director and a writing facilitator to hone their work. Authors also need not perform their own pieces. submission deadline: Aug. 31 submit to: Cathy Martinez at cmartinez@sa.utah.edu
Aqua Aid As summer draws to a close Quinn Richins and Kerry Sanford will present Aqua Aid 2009, a benefit for the Utah AIDS Foundation that will include food, drinks, “men in Speedos, and saucy entertainment provided by QUAC,” the Queer Utah Aquatics Club. When: Aug. 23, 3–6 p.m. Where: 3694 Oakview Dr. Info: (801) 487-2323 or utahaids.org
Pride Softball Fall League Registration With fall just around the corner, it is time to start thinking about softball! Pride Community Softball League (PCSL) will once again be playing on Monday nights at Jordan Park’s southwest field. Individual players looking for a team to play on in the fall can email the league at pcsl@ prideleague.com with their name, sex, contact information and position played. To register your team, contact Eliza Goodman at egoodman@slco.org or 801-270-7260. registration deadline: Aug. 26
Walk for Life Registration has opened for the Utah AIDS Foundation’s annual AIDS walk, Walk for Life. Walkers may register as individuals or as members of a business or club team. When: Sept. 19, 8 a.m. where: Liberty Park, 589 E. 1300 S.
WESLEY JOAQUĂ?N BOTHAM
Thousands Across the Country Kiss in Support of Aune, Jones by Michael Aaron
In cities across the country, including Salt Lake City, thousands of people participated in the Great Nationwide Kissin, organized by two bloggers in light of recent incidents where gay people have been cited, threatened with arrest and removed from restaurants for kissing their partners in public. About 165 people participated in Salt Lake City’s kiss-in on Library Square Saturday, Aug. 15 at noon. “Kissing is not a bad thing, nor has it ever been. It’s not vulgar or inappropriate. It’s a sign of affection that is as old as time itself. And it’s a beautiful thing that we share with our loved ones every single day,â€? said local organizer Ash JohnsdĂłttir, who said that California’s Proposition 8 has galvanized support for gay rights. “I don’t think that kiss would have turned out to be the kiss heard around the world if it were not for Proposition 8,â€? she said. Salt Lake City police had warned organizers of the possibility of perennial anti-gay protesters America Forever and Westboro Baptist Church picketing the event. Neither group, however, showed up. Salt Lake City Council candidate Jennifer Johnson was first to address the crowd, screaming “I feel the love.â€? “The human capacity to love is divine,â€? Johnson said. “I would like to see more love.â€? Actor Charles Frost left his alter-ego Sister Dottie Dixon home and brought his granddaughter and partner and spoke of lessons learned from children. “Sorry you enemies of GLBT rights, but you’ve already lost. Children will no longer see divisiveness, but love,â€? Frost said. “Today’s children, rather than wondering about who people love and why, wonder why you hate.â€? “Gay marriage is a foregone conclusion. It’s a done deal. It’s just a matter of time,â€? he continued. “We will even-
tually look back on this controlling behavior and wonder, what the hell was that all about?� KRCL producer and QSaltLake columnist Troy Williams said that Mormons and gay people are both “queer� and need to come to terms with that — gays for being sexually deviant and members of the LDS Church because they believe they are working to become gods of their own planet. “The truth is: there is no such thing as normal, and thank God for that,� he said. “Mormons and queers must embrace their own quirks.� “Mormons should have empathy for the stigmatized ‘other;’ and shame on them if they don’t,� he said. “For the love of Brigham, let’s stop hating on each other.� He called on church leaders to reach out to the gay community. “There will never be peace between the LDS and gay communities until the Mormon Church works to make amends with us,� he declared after saying the gay community is tired of reaching out to them without response. Similar events happened in over 50 cities across the country and in Canada. Dozens of people gathered on Washington’s National Mall, New York’s Times Square and in small towns like Pigeon Forge, Tenn. In San Diego, a kiss-in was held outside the gay-boycotted Manchester Grand Hyatt. The gay community has boycotted the hotel for over a year because owner Doug Manchester donated $125,000 to support Proposition 8. Hotel spokeswoman Kelly Commerford called the demonstration “unwarranted,� since Manchester has offered to donate $25,000 in cash and $100,000 in hotel credit to local gay and lesbian organizations so they can use the Grand Hyatt for events such as fundraisers. Gay leaders have rebuffed the offer, calling it too little, too late. Q
Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 9
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Utah Casino Night to Benefit Rape Recovery Center
Typically, when people think of rape and other forms of sexual violence, they imagine male perpetrators and female targets. It’s not difficult to see why. A Center for Disease Control study conducted between 1994 and 1997 — and still widely cited today — revealed that one in four U.S. women exBrian Beckstead perience sexual abuse before age 18. According to the same organization, one in six have survived attempted or completed rapes; in 2005 the Department of Justice also noted that less than half of these crimes are reported. All of these statistics have maintained relatively the same in more recent studies. The statistics are dismal, indeed. So dismal that it’s often easy to forget that the millions of sexual assault survivors in the country also include millions of boys and men of all orientations. The same mid-’90s CDC study found that one in six U.S. men have survived some form of sexual abuse before adulthood. Kenneth Paget hates those numbers. “Women are told since they’re little, ‘If someone touches you, let somebody know.’ But little boys, it’s not emphasized with them. Or even [when it is] they suck it up and deal with it and a lot of times they can’t and need someone to reach out to them,” said Paget, who, along with business partner Kirk Sherrod, owns Avid Business Solutions, a local consulting business. To help raise awareness of male survivors and their needs, Paget and Sherrod are partnering with local motivational speaker Brian Beckstead (creator of the SELF Speaker Series) in holding a black-tie benefit for the Rape Recovery Center on Sept. 26 (for security purposes and to keep out gatecrashers, the location will be revealed to attendees after they purchase their tickets). Most of the proceeds will be donated to the Rape Recovery Center. On his Web site, brianbeckstead.com, Beckstead, who identifies as a survivor of sexual violence, described his reasons for putting the evening together: “As you all know, this is an event to support me (Brian) in my quest to mo-
tivate and raise awareness and support for those Male Survivors of sexual abuse. My deep heart felt gratitude for the Rape Recovery Center of Salt Lake and the good and difficult work they are doing. I will be showing my support by donating a large portion of the proceeds to them. Please be there to support me in presenting them a small token of thanks for all the hard work they do here in Utah by presenting them with a check.” The evening will have a Casino Royale theme, a party theme that Paget says he and Sherrod have used in the past. But because this is Utah, where even the lottery is outlawed, no actual gambling will take place. Instead, players can cash in their chips for extra raffle tickets. The evening will also include a live band, karaoke and, of course, dancing and plenty of good food and drink. Tickets can be purchased on Beck-
stead’s site, and costs $318 for singles. Couples prices are $498 for VIP pass, $598 for platinum VIP pass and $548 for members of the Rape Recovery Center. Attire will be tuxedos and evening gowns with a Casino Royale theme. Women, said Paget, are more than welcome to attend. Paget added that he truly began realizing how many men suffer sexual violence when he began calling business owners for donations of raffle items. One man who answered the phone identified himself as one such survivor. “It just opens your eyes that there are so many males who don’t come to terms with it because of their ego, and they don’t know there’s a place that can help them,” he said. For more information, visit brianbeckstead. com or contact Avid Business Solutions at (801) 676-6527.
Q mmunity SLC Pagan Pride This year’s Pagan Pride celebration, “Embrace the Flames of Change,” will celebrate a number of pagan religious practices that often fall under the banner of Pagan, including: Modern Paganism, Neo-Paganism, ancient polytheism, Asatru, Druidry and Wicca. Activities at the festival will include Pagan religious ceremony and workshops, craft projects and information about a number of Pagan spiritual practices. All ages are welcome at the gathering, and there will be a number of activities for children. When: Sept. 12, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. where: Murray Park, 202 E Murray Park Ave., in pavilions 1, 2 and 3. Cost: Free, but attendees are asked to bring one or more non-perishable food items for donation to the Utah Food Bank. Info: Kenneth Guthrie at (801) 9737006 or saltlakeppd@gmail.com.
Our Store Specials Throughout August, Our Store: Your Thrift Alternative, the thrift shop run by the People with AIDS Coalition of Utah, will offer special deals on a number of its items. The thrift shop opened its doors in 2008 and is part of PWACU’s effort to become self-sufficient. The remaining specials are as follows: Aug. 15–21, 20 percent off all clothing; Aug. 22–28, 20 percent off all furniture. Where: 358 S. 300 E. info: yourthriftalternative.org.
Radio City Lounge to Close Thought to be “the oldest gay bar west of the Mississippi,” Radio City Lounge, 147 S. State St., will close its doors for the final time Sunday night, Aug. 23, according to bar staff. The bar opened in the 1940s and is thought to have been mob-owned. It was turned into a gay bar in 1957, according to Trapp owner Joe Redburn. Then, it was illegal to dance with someone of the same sex, so people would dance in groups that included mixed genders. Lights under the bar ensured that no hand-holding was going on. It was also illegal to impersonate a female. The bar fell into disrepair and it was given a minor facelift in the 1990s, but the maintenance was short-lived. Today the bar is frequented less and less by gay and lesbian patrons. In the past two years, Salt Lake City police officers have responded to calls of stabbings and cocaine use, giving the bar
10 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
the reputation as a hangout for drug users and the homeless. QSaltLake has been unable to substantiate rumors that the building was sold to Questar Corp. and is scheduled to be razed, but much of the surrounding property is held by the company. The company demolished the neighboring Utah-Idaho Supply building in 1990 to make room for a parking lot. Long-time bartender, Rose, who once worked at Radio City as well as the Sun Tavern and Trapp, will return to the bar to serve up some of its last drinks, beginning at 3 p.m. Aug. 23. It is hard to prove that Radio City is the oldest gay bar west of the Mississippi River, but we cannot find another bar trying to claim that title. Cafe Lafitte in New Orleans (on the east side of the river) claims to be the oldest gay bar in the country.
U of U Pride Week Gay‑la Dinner The University of Utah will host a Gay-la Dinner and Silent Auction on closing night of their annual Pride Week celebration. Themed “Justice for All ... If Not Now, When?”, the evening will include dancing (featuring a live DJ and a performance by Troy Lennerd). Professor Kathryn Bond Stockton will serve as master of ceremonies; author and performance artist Thea Hillman will give the keynote address. Pride Week will be held Oct. 5–8. When: Oct. 8, 6 p.m. reception, 7 p.m. dinner Where: University Marriott Hotel Ballroom, 480 Wakara Way. Cost: $65/person or $650/table of 10 (student tickets are available upon request). rsvp: E-mail cmartinez@sa.utah. edu, kstiel@sa.utah.edu or (801) 587-7973.
USU Researcher Studying Fitness of Gay Fathers Are you a gay man who has adopted a child or the partner of a gay man with an adopted child? If so, Sean Camp would like to talk to you. Camp is a Ph.D. candidate in social work at the University of Georgia and a newly-hired social work professor at Utah State University. The school offered him the job, he said, while he was still working on his dissertation — a study of gay male parents, which he describes as a “joint project” between the schools. But unlike most research which examines the “fitness” of samesex parents when compared to their straight counterparts, Camp says his research starts with the premise that sexual orientation makes no difference in parenting ability — a contention other recent research has supported. “We’re starting at a basic assumption that gays and lesbians are perfectly fit parents and then we’re also taking the assumption that there’s no reason to look at gay and lesbian parenting practices [as a question of being] better or worse [than those of straight parents], but we’re assuming they’re both.” In the introduction to his study, Camp said he describes the current research about gay and lesbian parents and some of the stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding them. While lesbians are mentioned here, Camp said that his study does not include them because “a lot of research has been done” on lesbian parents. “They’re more visible, willing and open [to participating],” he said. “There’s a bit less stigma — though I don’t know how you measure these things — with two women adopting than two men.” The rest of the study will concentrate on what the process of adopting and parenting children looks like for the participants. This, said Camp, makes it a qualitative study, as opposed to a quantitative one. “We’re not looking at numbers or statistics but people’s lived experiences,” he explained. “And once I’ve done enough interviews and I’m not hearing anything new, that’s when I can stop, finish the dissertation and try to publish.” Interviews with parents last roughly 90 minutes and focus on such questions as the challenges, rewards and changes in roles the men have experienced since becoming parents. Camp will also ask how men talk about their families in a society that is often anti-gay, and even such details as how — or whether — they show affection to their children in public. “It’s taken for granted that heterosexual couples are going to show affection to their kids and nobody blinks,” he said, noting that gay men — and those with sons in particular — are often unwilling to do this for fear of being labeled as child molesters.
When the study is finished, Camp said he hopes that it can be used to help adoption agencies who want to work with same-sex parents make the adoption process smoother and easier for all involved. “We found most agencies that choose to [offer adoption services to gays and lesbians] don’t do anything different,” he said. “They treat gay and lesbian parents the same as straight parents, and we are finding that there are things that need to be addressed. [Gays and lesbians] are comforted that they are treated like other parents,” but they want guidance on some issues. Such as the classic example of what to say when other children ask questions about why their son or daughter has two mommies or daddies. Further, same-sex couples often need more guidance from agencies because they traditionally get children with “special needs” — that is, health or behavioral difficulties (gay men, he noted, have historically adopted more infants and children with such issues than any other population.) “We take those kinds of kids and put them into homes, but we won’t talk about how to parent those kids effectively,” he said. “So gay and lesbian couples are left hanging and make their own network, but [the lack of official support] is detrimental to the kids.” “I believe it’s not the placing of kids with gay and lesbian parents that is the problem, it’s how the agencies and government policies are steering us into making placements in certain types of ways,” he continued. “We’re saying, ‘find your own solutions,’ because we can’t, or we won’t or we’re just too uncomfortable to talk about it.” Although the interviews are recorded, Camp said the tape will be destroyed after transcription and all personal information about participants will be confidential. The study will also refer to participants by pseudonyms, and non-essential information that could potentially identify a participant will be changed. For example, although issues pertaining to trans-cultural and trans-racial adoptions may come up — as in the case of two white men who adopt a black child — Camp’s study is not focusing specifically on race. “So if I’m talking to a 35-year-old gay man who adopted a black child, I might change that to a gay man who adopted a Latino child, because race isn’t the issue,” he said. But while racial and cultural differences between parents and children are not the study’s focus, Camp nonetheless observed that gay and lesbian adoptions have much in common with cross-cultural adoptions, and that agencies should look to the latter when guiding couples. And speaking of another kind of cul-
tural difference, Camp noted that the couples he has interviewed in Georgia and the three he has interviewed in Utah so far are different in several ways. While Atlanta and Salt Lake are similar in that they are relatively liberal cities in deeply conservative states, Georgia has no law forbidding gay couples from adopting as Utah does. There, agencies can advertise for gay adoptive parents; here, Camp said gay couples largely go out of state to adopt. One couple, for example, adopted their child through a California agency that advertised for such couples, and even coached them on how to deal with such things as unkind stares on the playground. “They had a very smooth adoption, and the kids are wonderful too,” he said. But sadly, two couples who wanted to speak to him ended up declining because they were afraid of being identified despite the care Camp takes to keep their identities shielded. Both, said
Camp, want to adopt again. Still, Campbell is hopeful that more Utah couples will contact him after reading about the study. He said he is happy to interview by phone or in person, and may even be able to travel to locations outside the Wasatch Front if his travel budget will allow. He said that he could not be more pleased in working with USU, which he describes as very “friendly” to gayrelated research, and that he finds Salt Lake County where he lives very accommodating to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. “[My partner and I] love it here,” he said.
For more information about the study or to volunteer for an interview, contact Sean Camp at (770) 318-6157 or seancampmsw@ gmail.com. Camp’s study is under the direction of Dr. Patricia Reeves of the University of Georgia School of Social Work.
Jam co-owner Bob McCarthy testifies before the Salt Lake City Planning Commission
Jam Clears Yet Another Hurdle Towards Its Liquor License The Salt Lake City Planning Commission approved a measure Aug. 12 which would allow social clubs to serve liquor and wine in areas of the city that are zoned MU, or Multiple Use. Club Jam is the only bar within MU zoning. In fact, MU zoning only exists in pockets of West Capitol Hill, also known as the Marmalade. Commission chair Mary Woodhead announced several times before testimony was to begin that the text change in the law was not about Club Jam and that comments about how much a person liked the club or not were not relevant to the discussion. Dozens of people spoke in favor of the zoning change, as the club’s supporters packed the room. One family that lives on the same street as Jam and a man claiming to represent the Capitol Hill Community Council spoke against the text change. “Who would have thought I’d have to go through this much work to serve wine and martinis to my customers,” club co-owner Bob McCarthy said beAugust 20,
fore the meeting started. The measure allows for conditionaluse permits to be awarded to social clubs, formerly known as private clubs. Several restrictions are part of those “conditions,” including a limit of the size of the club to 2,500 square feet, noise restrictions and graffiti removal. The Salt Lake City Council must also approve the measure, but it has yet to be added to any agenda. The council is currently working on an overhaul of all liquor ordinances, including allowing more than one bar per city block. Club owners have spent nearly $200,000 to renovate the 50-year-old once-blighted building before opening last October, counting on verbal promises by Salt Lake City staffers that a liquor license was obtainable. Polygamist neighbors, expressing concern for their many children on the street, have blocked the bar thus far, going so far as to gain signatures from neighbors against the bar before it opened, saying it was to be a hip-hop club which would attract gang members. 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 11
U of U Developing Anti-HIV Gel
One commonly known fact about HIV is that an infected male can easily transmit the disease to a female partner through vaginal sex. While condoms, when used properly, can greatly reduce the risk of transmission, their usage during sex depends on a male partner’s willingness. But what if women could take steps to protect themselves from infection without depending on whether their partner wanted to use a condom? The answer to that question, according to a group of University of Utah scientists, is a female condom, but one very different from the internal latex sheaths you can find in the silver bowls at the Utah Pride Center, or any place advocating safe sex. The condom currently being developed by a team of researchers headed by Patrick Kiser, an associate bioengineering professor at the school’s College of Engineering, is molecular. That is, it’s a vaginal gel that turns partially
ing on this project, said that the gel will also contain HIV antiviral drugs as another layer of defense to keep the virus from replicating. “Ultimatley, the goal is to create a multiple tiered level at several steps,” said Jay, noting that the U of U team is the first group that has looked at designing gel with this multi-layered approach. Other teams, she said, have focused primarily on microbicides built around anti-viral drugs. The gel, said Jay, will dissolve within 10-12 hours after sex, thanks to the vagina’s high acidic levels. Women who want to use the gel would have to apply it a few hours before intercourse, said Jay. However, she added that the gel’s properties — including the polymere system that traps the HIV particles — are somewhat flexible, which means that the team could conceivably “tailor the properties we would like,” including those to make the gel faster or allow women to apply it within an hour of intercourse. The team is working on this drug in part to help women in developing nations protect themselves from the disease, which is hitting such parts of the world as sub-Sahara Africa particularly hard. “We did it to develop technologies that can enable women to protect themselves against HIV without approval of their partner,” said Kiser. “This is important — particularly in resourcepoor areas of the world like sub-Sahara Africa and south Asia where, in some age groups, as many as 60 percent of women already are infected with HIV.
WhipLash is a Divine Fetish Experience for Women The boys have the Utah Rebellion and, now in its second year, the women have WhipLash. WhipLash is Salt Lake’s annual fetish event run by women, for women. Organizers promise “a summer night of sensuousness, beauty, excitement and entertainment. Music, sensation play, beautiful women in corsets and costumes, body painting, instructional demonstrations of dancing and bondage, pampering, and more. This year’s event will take place at Club Edge, 615 N. 400 W., on Saturday, Aug. 22 starting at 8 p.m. Tickets are available in advance for $8 at The Keyhole, 3460 S. Redwood Rd., or $10 at the door, with a portion of the proceeds benefitting the YWCA Women’s Shelter of Utah. Ladies and gentlemen are invited to share in this decadent experience. The night’s entertainment is a lineup of female DJs. DJ TinkFu (Erica Brown) plays Thumpin’ Thursdays at W Lounge, and Seduction Saturdays at Club Sound. She plays breakbeats and dubsteps, and promises “some serious nasty bass 12 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
that’ll be perfect for the WhipLash party theme.” DJ Julliette also plays Thumpin’ Thursdays at W Lounge and played this month at Movement: Breaking Hearts. Merryl plays Thumpin’ Thursdays and was the owner of Mechanized. Mizz Nici spins a mix of reggae breaks, funky nuskool breaks and the occasional throwdown of some bangin’ speed garage at Thumpin’ Thursdays and other events. Stations will be set up throughout the evening at the bar, including bondage and piercing, sensation stations, food play, body painting and pampering. There will be burlesque performances and belly dancers, a “kinky raffle” and other contests. Co-organizer Amy Ruttinger calls WhipLash a “venue for women of Salt Lake to be able to socialize with other women who are into or interested in erotic fetish.” She also says that both women and men are welcome at the event. For more information, go to myspace.com/ utahwhiplash
University of Utah
Utah
solid when semen touch it. Their hope is that the gel will trap any HIV particles in the semen and prevent them from infecting the woman. “The first step in the complicated process of HIV infection in a woman is the virus diffusing from semen to vaginal tissue. We want to stop that first step,” Kiser explained. The gel is part of an area of science known as microbicides — or substances designed to slow, reduce or prevent viruses and bacteria from infecting a host. The gel itself, said Kiser, is being designed to work with the pH level in the vagina — basically how acidic or non-acidic (basic) the vagina is during and after sex. Typically the vagina of a healthy woman is fairly acidic (with a pH level of 4.8), and this acidity allows the gel to spread out when applied. During heterosexual sex, the vagina’s pH changes to 7.6 — slightly alkaline, or basic — when semen enters. The change in pH level activates the gel, which flows more slowly and thickens to trap HIV particles. The larger a pH number, the closer it is to basic. When the vagina returns to a more acidic level after sex, said Kiser, it will no longer be a hospitable environment for the virus. “The only physiological part in body that’s more acidic than the vagina is the stomach. It’s a natural antibacterial mechanism that women have,” he explained. To further ensure that HIV particles don’t infect the vagina, Julie Jay, a doctoral candidate in pharmaceutics work-
University of Utah bioengineer Patrick Kiser
In these places, women often are not empowered to force their partners to wear a condom.” The team began work on the microbicide gel in 2004. Although the team has tested the gel on vaginal cells, they say that they are not yet ready to begin human testing, which they hope to start in three to five years. The study has taken time, said Kiser, in part because of funding. There is, he said, not enough money right now to do human clinical trials. “The way this would really work is we would be doing more studies in the lab here and elsewhere around the country to further optimize and improve the system, and then we would have to apply for funding to get money to undergo the very expensive tests it would require to get these tests to human clinical trials, We’re talking millions of dollars,” he said. Further, Jay noted that the gel needs to be tested to make sure its materials are safe for human bodies, and to make sure that it doesn’t create extreme allergic reactions. Additionally, Kiser’s team published a study in 2006 on another HIV microbicide they were developing at the time. This microbicide was also applied vaginally, but it was designed to solidify when triggered by body temperature. It was also designed to liquefy in the presence of semen and simultaneously release an anti-HIV drug. However, their studies found that this particular drug did not work effectively in Africa because high temperatures kept it from liquefying. Kiser also noted that the gel the team is working on now could also work as a contraceptive device and protection against herpes and the human papillomavirus, which has been identified as a leading cause of cervical cancer.
For more information, visit brianbeckstead. com or contact Avid Business Solutions at (801) 676-6527.
UAF Director Seeks City Council Seat
ing about age, economics, ethnicity and sexual orientation and this whole picture of what a diverse community looks like and helping people look at how we function well together.” Like many candidates for the District 3 Council seat, Penfold is taking his campaign to the streets, walking door-to-door to talk to people about their concerns. He said he enjoys talking to voters and hearing “their ideas and thoughts and concerns.” “I’m impressed with how thoughtful voters are about what’s going on in the city. They’ve got some pretty incredible ideas,” he said. “So far I’ve been really excited about this and having a lot of fun, which is a good sign I think.”
by JoSelle Vanderhooft
One of the most desirable political offices in Salt Lake Valley currently is the District 3 seat on the Salt Lake City Council; when campaign registration closed in June, seven candidates had entered the race. For gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender voters, Stan Penfold may well be one of the more familiar faces among these candidates. “I considered running for the council several years ago and the timing was off,” said Penfold. But this year, Penfold said he received a call from an old friend — Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker. The mayor, said Penfold, informed him that Eric Jergensen, who represents the Avenues, Capitol Hill, Federal Heights, parts of the Guadalupe neighborhoods and, of course, the “gayborhood” of the Marmalade District was not planning to run again. Would Stan be interested? “He was very persuasive,” Penfold explained. “Probably about the last year [since] he’s become mayor I talked with him off and on and I’d indicated I was starting to get interested in participating somehow with the city. I wasn’t very specific, so I guess he heard that and he got more specific.” Penfold is no stranger to politics. In the past, he has worked with various city planning, zoning and historical landmark committees. But he says his decade as Utah AIDS Foundation’s executive director — a position he will keep if he is victorious — is where his true political chops can be found. “I think my experience running a nonprofit like the Utah AIDS Foundation, where we’ve had to work really hard to bring a really diverse group of people together around a somewhat controversial issue — I don’t think it’s controversial but some people do — [is] something like [being] on a city council,” he said. “[It’s about] how you bring people together to make decisions that benefit us long term. I think my experience here has given me the tools to see the mechanics of how you do that, especially over time.” Like many candidates running for the District 3 seat, Penfold considers himself to be a progressive. His platform includes support for: reducing the city’s dependence on cars and building more bike lanes; building Neighborhood Watch programs throughout the district; and an “economically vibrant downtown.” Environmental activism, said Penfold, is also one of his top priorities. “It’s another reason I get excited about being involved with Salt Lake City,” he said. “In many ways they have stepped forward as a lead city in environmental
issues and there are many ways I think they can do more with that.” “It’s 20 minutes to the mountains and airport; you can’t find that anywhere else in the country,” he continued. “The idea that we have this environmental resource that basically surrounds us is pretty amazing, but it also creates some very unique problems, like days in February where we can’t breathe.” “I think we have a responsibility as the capitol city to take a lead in looking at what does that combination of open space and access to our environment mean in relation to clean air, overuse of public areas — or at least sustainable use of public areas. These [are] areas where the mayor has taken the lead a bit, but we could do a lot more as a city. We could do a lot more with recycling programs and transportation and the environment.” Penfold also said that he is against “fear-based efforts to legislate against or intimidate minority groups, whether they be immigrants, members of the LGBT community, or any racial or ethnic group.” To this effect, he said he opposes SB 81, the state legislature’s latest bill on illegal immigration, and the denial of services to people without proper documentation. “I was very disturbed about that whole process and that conversation, especially as it related to us at the Utah AIDS Foundation,” he said, noting that he felt the legislature’s conversation about illegal immigration was “disturbing,” “draconian” and filled with “bad information about who was responsible for the economy and unemployment.” “How do you justify withholding services from children because their parents may or may not be here legally?” he said. “It’s not a simple problem and the simple solution isn’t going to deal with it, and it felt a little — a lot — punitive. There’s something that brings this population here and keeps them here, they’re good people generally and bring something to our economy, and all that got lost in the discussion of documentation.” Penfold also has several ideas about furthering rights for gay and transgender
city residents. While noting the city’s “mutual commitments” (aka domestic partner) registry, and its adult designee plan, which extends health care benefits to city employees’ unmarried partners, Penfold said he thinks the city can still do better. He said he is particularly interested in helping to pass an ordinance forbidding housing discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. In July, the city’s Human Rights Commission released its annual report on discrimination, which recommended the creation of such an inclusive ordinance. “That’s one of the things I think is so intriguing about the council — they’re already so progressive,” said Penfold. “It’s exciting to me, the idea that you don’t have to introduce the conversation [about gay and transgender issues], you can refine it. The idea that we’re talking about the extension of GLBT issues and rights as part of the housing discrimination [ordinance] is exciting to me,” he said. But, Penfold added, drafting such an ordinance is one thing. Enforcing it is another. “I also want to ensure that the conversation is possible at all kinds of levels of the city. I want to make sure the legislation is in place and the practice of it as well,” he said. He stressed, however, that his commitment to immigration, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues is just one aspect of his commitment to supporting and celebrating the capitol city’s diversity. “So many of those issues are similar to other populations, and other demographics,” he said. “One of the things I love most about Salt Lake City and the district I live in is how well they get along with really diverse people. I think that’s something that is really kind of unique to Salt Lake City — this awareness, if you will, that accepting diversity goes beyond tolerance. ... Where I see the city moving is this idea of acknowledging that diversity makes us all better people, so we need to encourage that whenever we can. I’m talk-
For more information about Penfold and to keep track of upcoming campaign events, parties and volunteer days, visit FriendsOfStan.com.
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Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 13
Q Views Letters Bigot and Diversity Editor, Two of the most hypocritically used words in the English language: bigot and diversity. It seems a “bigot” is always what the other guy is, particularly if he is a conservative Christian, Orthodox Jew, or American nationalist. Are there any atheist bigots? Mexican bigots? Muslim bigots? Gay bigots? Oh no, all these people are fighting for their “rights.” I guess gays in L.A. throwing rocks through windows at Calvary Chapel or staging demonstrations at the Mormon temple aren’t bigots, huh? Or the Muslims who stole passengerfilled airplanes and used them as missiles against innocent Americans. Or the Mexicans who deem it their right to redecorate the entire country to their liking with spary cans to let us all know they are here, huh? Bigotry goes both ways. Now for diversity. Does the slogan “United We Stand, Divided We Fall” mean anything to anyone out there? We are diversifying ourselves into chaos and losing our country over it. I’ll tell you what diversity is: It is the Russian family in San Francisco who eats borscht and galuptsi and plays the balalaika in their home, but learns fluent English and goes out and becomes a high-achieving American in the workplace and defends America when called on to do so. It is the Italian family whow eats rigatoni and lasagna and dances the The truth behind the plot to Tarantella at weddings, and learns flu- destroy marriage in America ent English and goes out and becomes by Bob Henline a high-achieving American. In America fter months of asking the same we can be who we are in private and question and receiving no work together as Americans to build a answer from the “Defense of strong society. Marriage” advocates, I decided Instead, we have become a bunch of to undertake my own bit of research. quibbling, arguing idiots who can’t get The question, of course, is how does along and are bent on forcing each other a same-sex into accepting each other’s lifestyle. And couple’s marAmerica is coming apart at the seams. riage adverseFurthermore, today’s generation ly impact the seems to expect the government to do marriage of everything for them, from providing heterosexual couples? You health care to settling everyone’s differcould ask Senences. ators Ensign Stop whining, take responsibility and Vitter, or for your own life and affairs, and start perhaps Govworking for your own good and the good ernor Sanford of those around you, whoever your are all about what or whatever your orientation. their heteroMeanwhile, in the name of diversity, I need to end this letter and get my old So- sexuality did to their marriages, but you viet uniform pressed and ready for my still wouldn’t get a straight answer. The truth, however, is that same-sex trip to Washington DC to meet President Obama and see if I can become the next marriage in the United States is actually a plot to destroy marriage, and it Supreme Court Justice. affects us all. Remember Aristotelian Ivan R. Petrov metaphysics, “the whole is greater than West Valley City, Utah 1 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
Guest Editorial
The Q-spiracy Revealed
A
the sum of its parts.” This simple truth sums up the plot by the gay community to conquer the world. Homosexuals have an invisible field that surrounds them, exuding gayness to all that they encounter. Prolonged exposure to this field can (and does) result in conversion to a homosexual lifestyle. Imagine that field of gayness multiplied exponentially! When you allow gay couples to marry, they become greater than the sum of their parts — it really is that legal standing that creates this. So now you have a gay couple that exudes a field of gayness far greater than the fields that would be created by individual homosexuals. That is phase one of the plot: allow gay marriage and the size and intensity of the gayfields are exponentially increased. Phase two is then to let these couples integrate into “normal” society. They will move into straight neighborhoods and those gayfields will start to carry over into your homes. When there are enough married gay couples out there, those fields will overlap with one another and then all of straight society is at risk. This is the plan of the gay community. They intend to marry, magnify the influence of their fields of gayness, and then place themselves at strategic locations within neighborhoods to being their campaign of conversion. This will result in the destruction of traditional marriage in America. Hey, it makes as much sense as the nonsense being spouted by Rush Limbaugh, Chris Buttars, Newt Gingrich and Gayle Ruzicka. Q
Something you read piss you off? QSaltLake welcomes letters from our readers. Send your letter of under 300 words to: letters@QSaltLake.com QSaltLake reserves the right to edit for length or libel or reject any letter.
Ruby Ridge Missionary Sandwich
Signs of the Times
by Ruby Ridge
D
arlings ,
I just saw the most appalling thing in a Subway sandwich shop! No, it wasn’t one of those .000003 ounce bags of chips they brazenly dare to call a “side” order, it was something else. I walked through the door and, lo and behold, there were 12 Mormon missionaries lined up at the counter in front of me. Was God punishing me, I wondered? I quickly did a life assessment and realized I wasn’t one of the godless gay hordes kissing on Main Street (Yes, I’m talking to you. Miss Troy Williams ... have you no sense of decency or shame?). I hadn’t vandalized any LDS wards, and I hadn’t replaced the Book of Mormon with gay porn while I was staying at the Indianapolis Marriott. So no, I was pretty sure that the Mormon God and I were still on speaking terms. I was really hungry (surprise!), so instead of instinctively bolting, I reluctantly waited in line and tried not to make eye contact. Then four more missionaries walked in behind me. It was a nightmare, cherubs. A nightmare. I was surrounded by self-righteousness and poly-blend ... and that’s never a good combination. But what followed was pure revelation. While watching the antics of these missionaries I realized that these kids are just kids. They are so desperately trying to act all grown up, but they are truly hopeless. One of them just about had a mental hernia trying to calculate the bonus points for his sandwich, chips and drink. But beyond their sheer youth and naiveté, the thing that struck me was that these straight arrow, suitand-tie wearing holier-than-thou missionaries were such a bunch of gossipy Capital B Bitches. OMG! In the time it took to get my order any positive images I previously had of Mormon missionaries were completely trashed. One poor elder was a little bit chunky. Not morbidly obese or anything, just a little fluffy around the middle with that kind of roundish baby face thing going on. As mercilessly as high school girls, the missionaries behind me were just shredding him (out of ear shot, of course). One of them made a rather ob-
noxious comment loud enough for the entire group to hear, and the kid just blushed and put his head down with embarrassment. Out of the entire group of 15 other missionaries, no one stood up for him. As a husky gal myself, I just wanted to turn around and bitch slap the arrogant little bastard behind me. But my maternal side just wanted to throw my arms around Elder Husky’s shoulders and say, “Screw those anorexic bitches, you’re perfectly fine just the way you are. Here, have some more mayo.” The reason I am bringing up this infuriating episode of discrimination, petals, is because I don’t think Mormons realize how arrogant and judgmental they come across, especially when they deal with our community. While they talk about being helpless victims of the gay agenda, we see their incredible assets — wealth and influence — and can’t help but perceive them as arrogant and domineering. While we passionately talk about equality and the value of our relationships and families, they only see us as loud, selfish gay pride caricatures and can’t get past the idea of gay sex (as if that’s all we are). It’s frustrating and emotionally draining for everyone involved. I watch as the Mormon-gay brinksmanship unfolds, and the political rhetoric on both sides seems to be getting nastier and nastier. It seems like we speak two entirely different languages. we’re both at Def-Con 1, terrified of each other; neither side is budging, and neither side is winning. It’s like the Mutually Assured Destruction of the Cold War all over again. If anyone has an idea of how we can bridge the gap and actually start talking to each other, then I am all ears. But for the love of God, nobody make any fat jokes or I will definitely go all Bay of Pigs on you! Q
Screw those anorexic bitches, you’re perfectly fine just the way you are. Here, have some more mayo.
You can see Ruby Ridge and the Matrons of Mayhem performing live, in all of their politically incorrect polyester glory, every third Friday of the month at Third Friday Bingo (First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E at 7:00 p.m.). On Friday, Aug. 21 their designated charity will be the Salt Lake Men’s Choir. Sing out, Louise!!!
QSaltLake Tweets at twitter.com/qsaltlake Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 15
Lambda Lore Off to See the Wizard by Ben Williams
I
was sitting on my front porch
after doing some yard work when I noticed the sky start to darken. It was 11 a.m. when the wind picked up. Clouds swirled and turned a greenish yellow color. Having spent some time in Texas as a youth I thought I would be heading for a root cellar, if I was still there. And then, looking south — towards downtown — I saw the biggest black cloud covering the entire vista, and I thought they must be getting a huge downpour. It was Aug. 11, 1999. Sharon Stricker, owner of the Sun Club, arrived earlier then usual to work to get ready for a busy day. It was her 51st birthday and she and her employees were planning a huge bash. Weather forecasters had predicted clouds and light showers, but she had hoped the weather would hold for the party. Meanwhile, downtown Salt Lake was a beehive of activity that morning. A big outdoor retailer convention was setting up at the Salt Palace, and equipment and supplies were spilling out into the LDS Church-owned parking lot across from the Triad Center. At 12:40 p.m. a funnel cloud formed over the city and touched down in Poplar Grove. It began skipping as it touched down and then plowed into the Sun, a 100-year-old building on the corner of 700 West and 200 South. The bar’s employees barely had time to duck and cover as the building exploded and the funnel ripped off the structure’s top half. The cloud then hurled bricks and wood from the Sun’s roof hundreds of yards to the west, down onto the cars parked across the
street. They were completely smashed and covered with bricks and debris. It was as if a bomb had exploded. Next, the tornado flew over Joe Redburn’s the Trapp at 600 West and 100 South, toppling a tree onto a Trapp employee’s car. The building immediately lost power. The twister then hit a building north of Club Axis at 500 West and 100 South. The building collapsed onto the beautiful dance club considerably damaging the interior. The Category 2 funnel cloud subsequently lifted up and skipped over the Gateway Project before bouncing off the Delta Center and plowing through 300 West 100 South. A power station burst into flames and hundreds of windows exploded in the Jazz arena; in one parking lot nearly 40 car windshields also exploded. Live electrical wires were on the ground everywhere, several hanging down at eye level. The Wyndham Hotel, filled with convention-goers, had windows blown out and the Outdoor Retailer Summer Market was demolished. The tornado’s only casualty happened here. The killer tornado then took a left turn and headed toward Temple Square. It spared the LDS Family History Center but tore some roofing off the LDS Church Museum. At the temple, the twister made newlyweds scramble for their lives, uprooted large trees and blew out two of the North Visitor Center’s large south-facing windows which framed the enormous statue “Christus.” Once again, tree limbs — some 12 inches or more in diameter — crashed onto a half dozen cars, smashing roofs and shattering windows. Jumping across North Temple the
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twister then attacked the massive LDS Assembly Hall which was currently under construction. It knocked over a 200-foot stork crane, ripped down scaffolding and scattered building materials at least a mile away. On the west side of the construction site, the tornado took out an eight-inch wide, two-foot long triangular piece of granite. Traveling up State Street next, the twister from hell uprooted and knocked over giant trees, blocking the road before the cyclone took a sharp right of the state Capitol Building. It stopped just short of the building’s steps then veered east, blowing down 100-year-old trees as it headed toward the ridge. On its way it touched down and sucked vegetation out of Memory Grove while scaring the wits out of the gay park cruisers. The wicked whirlwind then headed for the Avenues where it lifted sections of roofs from houses and completely removed the roof of a home on the highest tier of 18th Ave. after having made 34 other homes uninhabitable. With its last huff and puff the storm knocked down a power line before disappearing into the unpopulated foothills north of the city at 12:55 p.m. Fifteen minutes after it first appeared. Although they didn’t know it at the time, the Sun Club was mortally wounded. The popular landmark dance bar was the tornado victim. As employees tried to salvage what they could out of the mess, they found that most of the club’s contents had survived, “including their sound and lighting systems and a lot of furnishings, supplies, glasses, etc.” Todd Dayley, owner of the now-defunct Pillar newspaper, wrote after viewing the tornado’s damage: “It brought tears to my eyes to see such a landmark in our community in this state. The fence to the patio is flat on the ground with the roof sitting in the middle of the patio. Standing to the side nearest the patio you can see there is not much left of the second floor. The back brick wall is gone. Standing on 200 South and looking through the second floor windows you can see the sky. Like myself, and for many of us, the Sun was the first Gay club we went to.” Dayley also toured Club Axis and stated: “The damage was heartbreaking considering how beautiful the club was. The club opened last fall and has been a favorite since then in our community. They were just beginning a new promotion for the Gay community on Thursday nights.” Serendipitously, Jim Dabakis, one of Club Axis’ owners, said he had just upped his insurance policy following a recent theft at his club, and this would allow him to rebuild. Sadly, today the club is just a vacant and halfburned structure, and the old Sun is just a lonely vacant lot on the west side of town. Around 1 p.m. I got a phone call from a friend in Wyoming asking if I was OK. I asked why, and he said the news had just reported that a tornado had hit Salt Lake City. I was fine, but the gay community of Utah was never the same. An era had passed and a new one was to begin. Q
Snaps & Slaps SLAP: The Spectrum So, what’s up with Utah’s newspapers and paid advertising these days? In seven months we’ve had the Salt Lake Tribune and the Deseret News run America Forever’s hateful (and grammatically inventive) paid scare ad against Equality Utah and its Common Ground Initiative (though, to their credit, both papers declined a second advertisement) And now, St. George’s Spectrum isn’t going to run a marriage announcement for a gay couple ... because the community might be offen — er, because the marriage isn’t legal in Utah, even though they are legally wed in California. While we don’t want to keep harping on Salt Lake’s two dailies for February’s fuck up (which was the fault of their ad agency, not their editorial departments), the dichotomy is telling, no? Why is it always OK if the offended part of the community is the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender part? Why are our dollars not as good as those of bigots who want to lock us back in the closet? And yes, “business decisions” like these aren’t just business decisions. Remember when the Deseret News’s own reporters criticized the paper for slanting its coverage of Proposition 8, so as not to offend its (Mormon) readership? If Spectrum owner Donnie Welch is truly committed to fairly representing all of Southern Utah, he should man up and run the announcement. Anything less says that some members of the community are more equal than others in the newspaper’s eye.
SNAP: Queer Voices Eve Ensler’s famous play The Vagina Monologues popularized the evening of monologues, especially here in Utah, where the Utah Pride Center’s annual Breast Dialogues is modeled on its framework. And now, the U’s LGBT Resource Center is adapting it for Queer Voices, its evening of monologues around personal experiences of “queerness.” We think the idea is awesome for not only celebrating the diversity of the term “queer,” but for introducing people to just how diverse that term can be. You’re all going to submit your stories before Aug. 31, right?
SLAP: QSaltLake.com Hacker Despite your best efforts, we’re back online and virus-free! And while we don’t usually stoop to playground taunts here at Snaps and Slaps, in this case: Neener neener neener ppppbbbbtttt!
Creep of the Week Sen. Paul Stanley By D’Anne Witkowski
I
’ve come to a conclusion: Sanctimonious anti-gay politicians are more likely to be hypocritical adulterous pricks than other segments of the population. Granted, I have no scientific evidence to back me up. It’s just a hunch. A hunch that is made stronger every time I read the news. My theory is that it takes the same lack of conscience to, say, argue that kids are better off in state care than with gay adoptive parents than it does to cheat on your wife with a young intern. But hey, that’s Tennessee Sen. Paul Stanley’s life. Over the past couple of weeks Stanley’s “honorable” conservative reputation has gotten a little bit, well, destroyed. It turns out that back in April Stanley was involved in a sex scandal complete with blackmail. How it was kept under wraps for so long I do
not know. But Stanley’s balls are out of the bag, or whatever that expression is. If only Stanley hadn’t snapped nudie shots of McKensie Morrison, the 22year-old intern he was screwing. And if only Joel Watts, Morrison’s boyfriend, hadn’t found them. Now, you might think Watts would be all, “Thanks, Gramps, for keeping my girlfriend entertained at work and for giving her an experience I would never be able to since I am not a hot shot Senator.” But no. Watts was pretty pissed. And so he blackmailed Stanley asking for $10,000 in exchange for the pictures. So Stanley sicced the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation on Watts’s ass and Watts went to jail for extortion. But now Stanley has to deal with the fact that his dirty laundry is waving all
over the godforsaken place. Stanley, good Christian father (of two) and husband (of zero, soon) issued a public statement about the matter on his Web site. “For my errors I am very sorry, and I will continue to make amends,” he wrote. “Admitting failure is difficult but necessary if one expects to ever better themselves by allowing God to work His will in their life. Giving myself to Him and rebuilding my family relationships are now the focus of my life.” Aww, isn’t that sweet. Nothing puts the focus on the family quite like a public adultery scandal. Keep in mind that this is coming from a guy who was totally hot for abstinence-only education and a complete ban on gays and lesbians adopting children in his state. Because, you know, family values. “The best home environment is one where mom and dad are there,” Stanley has been quoted as saying. “When you’re married, there’s a commitment there.” Not that this experience has changed or humbled him. His statement continues, “Finally, many have critisized [sic] me for violating pro-family stances I have taken on a number of issues. I firmly believe God’s standards are where they have always been. Just because I fell far short of those standards, does not negate the standard set by God.”
In other words, “God still hates you, fags. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to a prayer meeting.” Q
D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister and teaches writing at the University of Michigan.
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Q Safety Understanding the Booking Process by Marcy Taylor
The GLBT Public Safety Committee frequently gets questions about what will happen to a person who has been booked into jail. Sgt. Marcy Taylor who is a corrections supervisor for the Weber County jail, has written this article to answer some of these questions.
I
f you happen to be arrested, this
article is to help you understand the process of being incarcerated at the Weber County Jail, although most facilities have similar goals, their procedures may differ. Arresting officers will pull into a bay, where they park and secure their weapons. A Corrections staff member will meet you in the bay in order to do a cursory search for weapons, drugs and any other contraband. You should be handcuffed behind the back during this process. Once the Sgt. Marcy Taylor search has been performed you will then enter the secure area of the facility. If drugs or weapons are brought into the secure area of the jail by the arrestee, the charges are enhanced to felonies. If you happen to have drugs/ weapons on your person, it is best to notify the arresting officer or Corrections officer, it will save you a lot of heartache. Once inside, you will be unhandcuffed, depending on your level of compliance. If you are upset, hostile or uncooperative with staff, handcuffs will remain on and you may be placed in a “hot” cell (a cell that is bare of anything except a drain in the floor) until you become cooperative. Once you are in custody, the handcuffs are removed and an inventory of your personal property will take place as well as basic questions, such as; where do you live, are you currently on medication, do you have enemies within the facility, etc. Your jewelry, money and other personal effects are placed in bags and logged. The property will be placed in a property room and returned to you once you leave the jail. A more thorough search takes place if you are not able to bail yourself out, which could include a strip search if the ar-
resting officer has reason to believe that you have hidden drugs/weapons on your body. When you are placed in a cell in the booking area you will be called up to the booking counter and asked another series of questions. Arrestee’s are called in order of arriving to the jail. Phone calls are only permitted after finishing the booking questions. Once questions have been asked you will be allowed to begin making phone calls (for bail, notifications to family, etc.) If you are unable to acquire bail you will be dressed into jail clothing and moved to a housing unit. This outlines what to expect, but there are also some rumors to dispel about jail. The infamous “free phone call” is not a right, but rather a privilege. Though
most jails accommodate a phone call once you’ve been booked into jail (Weber County allows five free phone
another area of great confusion is the “strip search.” calls), this again is dependent on your compliance with rules and direction given by the staff.
Another area of great confusion is the “strip search.” There are different types of searches conducted, but the three used most are: rub search, strip search and visual body-cavity search (VBC). In a rub search the genital, buttocks and breasts (females) are carefully rubbed or patted over the clothing in an attempt to detect contraband. Strip searches involve the visual inspection of a disrobed person. Visual body-cavity searches include the visual inspection of the anus and/or vaginal area. A VBC is mandatory with the charges of: Any type of assault, probation/parole violations and any drug charges. If these are not your charges a strip search is then conducted. Q
If you have further questions Marcy can be contacted at marcyt75@gmail.com.
Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 19
20 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
Where the Wild Things Are
Photography by David Newkirk Styling by Dallin James
D
Newkirk spent much of the day packing his car for a trip out to the Bonneville Salt Flats and kept an eye to the sky as this year’s unpredictable weather had thrown many clouds into the sky. Four models, a stylist, a QSaltLake representative and he drove the hourand-a-half trip, not stopping until they were well onto the flats, away from any action. Or so they thought. Midway through the shoot, Bonneville Speedway security warned them they’d need to clear the flats before a race would mow them down. All this for QSaltLake’s annual reason to show as much skin ... we mean to show the trends in swimwear and underwear fashion. avid
On this page from left to right: Aaron Woods sports an Andrew Christian Phys. Ed. Flashback “Bubble Butt” Boxer with “Butt Lifting Technology.” Retail $32 Rick Anderson wears the Mundo Unico Suspenso Boxer from the new Unico collection featuring their traditional pouch design with updated UNICO waistband. Retail $23 Justin Barker shows the new for 2009 Andrew Christian Sports Mesh Boxer with moisture wicking poly mesh and “anti-muffin top” elastic waistband. Retail $23 Bryson Thomson is wearing the Mundo Unico Freedom Boxer featuring contrasting stripes and a side panel emblem print. Retail $26.50
The harsh, textured sky set against the smooth flats almost makes the world seem upside-down, surreal. Much like the experience of shedding nearly all your clothing in the middle of nowhere in sub-season temperatures and acting natural. Bryson has packed himself into a pair of Pistol Pete Metallic Midcuts with a side zipper. Retail $44 Aaron shows the front of the Andrew Christian Phys. Ed. Flashback “Bubble Butt” Boxer with “Butt Lifting Technology.” Retail $32
Justin chills (literally) in this Joe Snyder Expression Collection USA-themed boxer. Retail $28
“When Justin put on the boots and grabbed the chair and cigarette, it completely defined the rest of the shoot,” Newkirk said. “It was the inspiration we needed.”
Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 21
Rick is in Pistol Pete plaid briefs. Retail $40 Justin in N2N Bodywear Swimwear. Retail $28 Bryson is ready to jump in the lake in his JM Sport WAVES Swim Collection. Retail $30 Rick shows the Pistol Pete Zip-up Brief, a classic pouch brief with a fully functtional zip up front. Retail $40 Aaron is showing his stuff in the Joe Snyder Buldge Square Boxer. Retail $26.
Justin plays in Gigo Bubbles Boxer. Retail $22
Does this not remind you of Walt Whitman? WE two boys together clinging, One the other never leaving, Up and down the roads going—North and South excursions making, Power enjoying—elbows stretching—fingers clutching, Arm’d and fearless—eating, drinking, sleeping, loving, No law less than ourselves owning—sailing, soldiering, thieving, threatening, Misers, menials, priests alarming—air breathing, water drinking, on the turf or the sea-beach dancing, Cities wrenching, ease scorning, statutes mocking, feebleness chasing, Fulfilling our foray. 22 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
(left to to right) Aaron is in the Joe Snyder Cheek Boxer swimwear. Retail $24 Justin in the Gigo Geometric Boxer. Retail $24 Bryson is wearing a pair of his own underwear and we don’t know what they are. Retail $?
Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 23
2 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
Aaron and Rick play around in Andrew Christian underwear. Aaron and Rick showed some moves on the Club Try-Angles dance floor during the “Beach Party by Day, Underwear Party by Night” party celebrating this very issue. Rick cozies up to Aaron in blue bikini briefs witha front pouch that holds the goods up and out. Aaron dances in Baskit Dip Dye Sawed-Off Trunks. Each are dip-dyed by hand and no two are alike. Retail $20 David Daniels joins our set in a GIGO longsleeve mantra T-shirt and New York JOX Air Force Jock. Retail $19
(left to right) Bryson in Andrew Christian Bubble Butt Underwear with Butt Lifting Technology with AntiMuffin Top waistband. Retail $27. Tory Neiwert sports Andrew Christian Show-It Technology 2.0 with a hidden “comfy cup” that gently lifts and presents the package to the front. Retail $27 Eric Morgan is also in Andrew Christian Bubble Butt underwear. David Daniels is comfy in Andrew Christian Dry & Naked Briefs, patented moisture-wicking mesh. Retail $27 David is wearing JM Waves Boxers swimwear. Retail $36 Bryson shows the front of the JM 2009 Wave Collection square brief swimwears. Retail $38 Troy likes fine in a STEVEN Lifestyle brief. Retail $15.50 Eric is also in a STEVEN Lifestyle brief. Retail $13.50
Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 25
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Q A&E Gay Agenda Hot as Hell in Big Hair by Tony Hobday
My friend ... Stanley (his middle name) — it fits his personality better, like Stanley Roper’s of Three’s Company — is miffed that I wrote about Matty before him. You may know Stanley; he takes is bulimic porcupine-looking dog to the softball park some Sundays. And based on his batting, he’d make a great ballerina. Anyhoo, Stanley, I definitely love you more than junk mail — BFFF.
20
thursDAY — In Utah Contemporary Theatre’s Hope Chest, 10 local actors get the chance to perform a scene or musical number they love, but would never be cast in. Whether it be: “wrong age, wrong gender, wrong race or just ... wrong,” this annual fundraiser will likely be as poignant as me performing a number from Menopause, The Musical. 7pm, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $50, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org. QQ Since 2002 Samuel Beam, better known as Iron & Wine, has evolved into a classic American tunesmith with a precocious musical signature. Songs like “Lion’s Man,” “Jesus the Mexican Boy” and “Naked as We Came” are remarkable demonstrations of craft; musically memorable, lyrically evocative and casually atmospheric. This is one free concert you don’t want to miss. Okkervil River also plays. 7pm, Gallivan Center, 239 S. Main St. Free, 801-596-5000 or slcgov.com/arts. QQ Yep, the gays spuds are coming out to party for another year. The folks in Pocatello are hot, sweet and always horny so take a ride up there and maybe take another ride while there. The Pocatello Gay Community Pride Festival starts tonight with the Harmony Cup Karaoke Finals at Charleys; Friday night is a White Party at
Charleys; the festival will be held Saturday with food, entertainment, vendors and more at the Old Town Pavilion, starting at 5pm. Through Saturday, Pocatello, Idaho. Free, 208-232-9606 or clubcharleys.com.
21
FRIDAY — When you get to Gossip tonight don’t ask if there are any soldiers and don’t tell them you want “to clean their rifle” if there happen to be some soldiers at the Hard as Fuck Military Ball. But dress in your hottest military duds and enter Nova Starr’s Best Ink contest. 10pm, Gossip at Club Sound, 579 W. 200 South. Cover $10, 801-328-0255 or gossipslc.com.
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SATURDAY — It’s not the kind of whiplash you get when you drive into a telephone pole because you were staring at a hot shirtless guy mowing his lawn — but more the kind of “divine fetish experience.” The second annual WhipLash is put on by women for women, and includes bondage, piercing, sensation stations, body painting and much more. Guys are welcome, too. 8pm, Club Edge, 615 N. 400 West. Tickets $8/adv.–$10/door, myspace.com/utahwhiplash.
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sunDAY — The RCGSE continues their PWA Christmas fund raising events with a Hell BBQ & Water Fight. What that means is it’ll be hell trying to get through all those drag queens sucking down the wieners, and then bitch-slapping you for throwing water in their faces and making their mud cake make-up run. Seriously, it’ll be a “hell” of a lot of fun. 3pm, Tanner Park, 2760 S. 2700 East. Cost $5, rcgse.org. QQ If you’d prefer to beat the heat in Hell, and forgo at least a portion of make-up, check out this year’s Aqua Aid. There will be saucy entertain-
28 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
ment by the saucy swimmers of QUAC. Also food and cocktails will be provided ... is that such a good combination with a large pool of water? Proceeds go to the Utah AIDS Foundation. 3–6pm, 3693 Oakview Drive. Suggested donation of $50, call Nathan Measom at 801-487-2323 for more information.
25
tuesDAY — I was never really into the “big hair” bands of the ’80s, but I did, and still do, like Def Leppard. When I was about 17, my mom barged into my bedroom one day as I was blasting “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” It’s a very sexual song, and she was shocked by the lyrics, but was more horrified when she saw me sprawled naked on the bed covered in honeydowsed granulated sugar. 7pm, USANA Amphitheatre, 5400 S. 6200 West, Magna. Tickets $28.75–129, 801-4878499 or smithstix.com. QQ If you were more of a synthpop fan of the ’80s, then you probably liked, and still do like, Depeche Mode. Although, this band has drawn in generations en masse. Plus, their live concerts are a must-see attraction — I’m sure you “Just Can’t Get Enough” of them. 8pm, E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Dr. Tickets $41.50–71.50, 800-745-3000 or ticketmaster.com.
27
thursDAY — Witness six distinguished choreographers and 20 dancers come together to present Momentum– Elevated (catchy!), the third annual Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company Alumni performance. These artists have taken their own paths in search of a unique voice in the world of dance. Choreographers include Jill Voorhees Edwards, Jillian Harris and Patrick Damon Rago. 8pm, through Saturday, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $15, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
QQ The Sundance Channel salutes celebrated, openly-gay American filmmaker/photographer Bruce Weber with five of his short films. They include: the world televison premiere of Liberty City is Like Paris to Me, Backyard Movie, Gentle Giants, The Teddy Boys of the Edwardian Draper Society and Wine and Cupcakes. 10pm, Sundance Channel, sundancechannel.com.
30
sunDAY — Chill out and cool down with the Fabulous Baker Boys; not Jeff and Beau Bridges, but the ultra fabulous karaoke boys of Salt Lake that travel to Baker, Nev. to support the local schools. Join them today for a gourmet sandwich bar to help them raise funds! 5pm, The Trapp, 102 S. 600 West. To join the boys on their road trip, call 801-5963539 or 801-598-5881.
1
tuesdaY — My friend Michelle is a Dave Matthews Band roadie. She follows him to as many cities as her night-walking income can take her. Just kidding, if that were true, she’d get as far as Lehi. Tehehe! I think Dave has a thing for her too because he keeps coming back to Salt Lake and puts on a hell of a concert. 7:30pm, USANA Amphitheatre, 5400 S. 6200 West. Tickets $39.50–65, 801-4878499 or smithstix.com.
UPCOMING Events SEP. 26 OCT. 24 NOV. 20 NOV. 21
The Killers, E Center David Sedaris, Capitol Theatre Elton John & Billy Joel, ESA Kathy Griffin, Abravanel Hall
Former Utahn’s “Gay Transvestite” Short Wins at Rhode Island Film Festival
W
R yan L ogan learned that his first short film had been accepted into the prestigious Rhode Island Film Festival, he was thrilled — but cautious. After all, his pitch for the film had included the following sentence: “If you hate it, it’s only six minutes long.” On Aug. 9, Logan said the same thing as he accepted the festival’s equally prestigious Alternative Spirit Award, which often goes to films with gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender content. Only this time he was sure to tell festival-goers who may not like his work that “I’m sure the film after it is great!” In fact, when he started making the short, he didn’t really intend for anyone to see it. The six minute film in question is The Single Mother, a colorful story about a gay man who enjoys women’s clothing, fantasizes about being June Cleaver and would like nothing more than to mother a child of his own — and all of the trouble he gets into trying to find one. In this silent film scored with a dramatic soundtrack and filled with dream sequences that rival the art found in Hedwig and the Angry Inch, the “gay transvestite,” as Logan calls him, is driven by his increasingly gothic dreams about babies to have a baby of his own. Along the way he scandalizes an adoption agent, gets rejected from several nanny positions and even attempts to abduct children from a playhen
ground with catastrophic results. But Logan didn’t start out with the desire to make films. Although he grew up doing theatre in Kansas and even majored in it for a time during college, he eventually switched over to political science — in part to keep up appearances that he was, indeed, straight. After coming west for a summer job at a Wyoming resort, he met and befriended a lesbian from Alabama. Since neither wanted to return to their home states, and his friend had a crush on a woman in Salt Lake City, the two decided to make their home in Utah. For Logan, it was a temporary move that lasted two years. While living in the city, Logan moved into an apartment with Jason Rickenbach, a gay man who plays the film’s title character. As Logan tells it, The Single Mother grew from one of those deep, late-night conversations roommates sometimes have. “[Jason] told me about his future and what he wanted,” said Logan. “He’s extremely traditional in a way, he sees himself like in a family with a perfect man and son and daughter. It was very soccer mom-ish. I asked him, “Well, what happens if you don’t accomplish this? You live in Utah.” And he doesn’t plan on moving any time soon. He said, “I would just die. I don’t know what I’d do.” And it just broke my heart. I was newly gay and that was my plight as well.”
The Single Mother grew from one of those deep, late-night conversations roommates sometimes have.
Save the Date Major Events of the Community
August 22 Pocatello Pride Festival clubcharleys.com
September 9 Pride in Pink: After Hours utahpridecenter.org September 11 PWACU An Evening of Laughter, pwacu.org September 18–20 Affirmation Annual Conference affirmation.org
August 22 September 19 SkiOut Welcoming Pool Party UAF Walk for Life skioututah.com utahaids.org August 30 Center’s Golf Classic utahpridecenter.org
October 10 National Coming Out Day Celebration utahpridecenter.org October 17–21 PWACU Living with AIDS Conference, pwacu.org January 21–31, 2010 Sundance Film Festival, Park City sundance.org
Email arts@qsaltlake.com for September 19 sWerve’s annual Oktoberfest consideration to be included swerveutah.com in Save the Date.
Recently, Logan’s friend Todd Tanner had quit his job as an assignment manager at Fox 13 to start his own production company. Just before that lifechanging conversation, Logan said he begged Tanner to let him borrow a camera so he could make a short film. “I told him I don’t know when or what I’ll do, it might be in a few months,” Logan recalled. In writing the film’s script, Logan said he based the character on a “pumped-up version” of his roommate and his mother, who often lamented that she couldn’t live up to the ’50s ideal of always being home baking cookies for her son. “That’s kind of how I put two and two together,” he explained. “They both have the same dream, so they should at least be able to both aspire to it.” Since The Single Mother was Logan ’s first film, he said it took a lot of shooting, editing and help from others in Salt Lake City to put together (the film was shot in the city). Last year, the Sundance and Slamdance film festivals — both of which are held each year in Utah — rejected a rough cut of the film which Logan now describes as “really weak.” When Logan relocated to Boston he edited it further and then submitted it to “four or five” festivals. Rhode Island’s, he said, was the last place he expected to get in. For one thing, at 3,400 submissions and only 235 acceptances, ompetition is fierce. “I went in [to the film festival] with no expectations,” he said. “I thought I was just lucky to get in. On opening night I was thinking, ‘What have I gotten myself into?’ [All the films] were so good!” But so was his film. Eerily, its initial screening came after a documentary called The Good Mother, which follows women competing in what Logan calls a “Stepford Wives-like competition for mother of the year.” “It’s what my main character desperately wants, so it was a really great combination,” he said, noting that The Good Mother’s director has talked of screening both films together in the future. Festival organizers later gave The Single Mother a second screening, this time as part of a collection of gay-relat-
ed films. Logan said he appreciated the opportunity to show his work before a predominately straight audience the first time, and a largely gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender audience the second time. Although Logan said that calling his main character a “gay transvestite” who isn’t a drag queen may raise some eyebrows, he thinks that the character’s individuality wins audiences over pretty quickly. “I thought if I took someone who is challenging stereotypes and things we have in our head as LGBT people about where someone should stand or who they should be, that’s success to me,” he said. So where will Logan take his film next? So far it is scheduled to show in November at the Reeling Film Festival, Chicago’s lesbian and gay film festival. He would also like to show it in Salt Lake City. As for any film school plans, Logan — now working as a waiter in Boston — said not just yet. Along with raising the money, there’s also the timing. “If I start going to school now I have this film that is going to possibly be touring around,” he said. Of course, he has his next short written.
For more information about The Single Mother, as well as cast biographies and stills, visit thesinglemotherfilm.com.
Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 29
Q A&E Hear Me Out By Chris Azzopardi
Ledisi, Turn Me Loose Turning this — Ledisi’s third LP on Verve Music — loose would be a big no-no. There are oodles of reasons why this New Orleans-bred soul-stress nabbed a Grammy nod for Best New Artist last year, and her fourth album — the follow-up to a Christmas disc that’s worth playing year-round — only accentuates a broader talent as she goes against the R&B-jazz grain she’s established so far. That voice is reason enough, but there’s also an endearing intimacy on songs like the horn-y “Everything Changes” and heartfelt, choirclimaxed ballad “The Answer to Why” (the set’s best), where she reflects India.Arie style on life’s unpredictability and pending ques-
tions. That change theme snakes through all these grooves (the word “changes” is abused the way Celine Dion violates “love”), which cross between R&B, rock and soul-funk with the maturity of someone who’s lived much of what she sings. “Runnin’” swoons with a rocking gravely-voiced Ledisi, “Higher Than This” celebrates self-love and on “Goin’ Thru Changes,” she’s on the verge of cheating — not puberty. Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis and Raphael Saadiq, among other first-class producers, foster her musical changes, mustering loose, breezy arrangements that always play second to Ledisi’s sublime, world-shaking wail, which is just the way it should be when, on songs like the title track, she nears Aretha Franklin greatness. And let’s hope that doesn’t change. Grade: B+
Sugarland, Live on the Inside The thing about Jennifer Nettles, (adorable) lead singer of Sugarland, is you believe
30 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
her. Her real-woman conviction on their original don’t-leave-me hit “Stay,” performed on both the live CD and DVD of this covers-heavy collection, is so believably weepy-faced desperate that you’ll want to duct-tape this dude to her bed just so he sticks around. And why wouldn’t he? There’s a lot to love about Nettles, and bandmate Kristian Bush, as they run through 15 songs, including hits “Baby Girl” and “Something More,” on the live DVD — like those behemoth bubbles both of them enter, and then roll through the crowd in. The CD is full of covers, with only three Sugarland originals, as the twosome tackles a smorgasbord of styles, like the Kings of Leon’s “Sex on Fire” and two R.E.M. hits, “The One I Love” and “Nightswimming.” The latter merges perfectly into “Joey,” a sad drunk-driving song off their last album. The other tender R.E.M. tune puts Bush front-and-center, and features haunting harmonies from Nettles and a third duet partner — an obnoxious chick who felt the need to scream out each of their names during most of the song. Well, big mouth, you ruined it — thank you. She didn’t totally spoil a good time, though, because when Sugarland’s not breaking hearts, they bring the fun — and the rollicking Southern pop of The B-52s “Love Shack” and twanged sing-along “Irreplaceable” (yep, the Beyoncé song) do just that. Grade: B
Also Out Daniel Gray, Invictus Michael Jackson’s been on the mind of this 22-year-old, whose debut not only mimics some of his vocal idiosyncrasies but also adopts MJ’s broken-world lyrics on “Cast Away.” It’s dark and melodic, one of the slower moments — which is good, because many of the poetic dance spasms are mostly forgettable and rip-offs, like Britney Spears copycat “Bombastic.” But when his voice isn’t the Road Runner, which often leads to him slurring like a drunk, he can be an alluring softie with something to say ... that you’ll actually want to hear.
Mindy Smith, Stupid Love That gentle texture that dominated this girlie-voiced soprano’s last studio album, 2006’s Long Island Shores, is kicked up with a much-welcomed boisterous (for her, anyway) oomph. “What Went Wrong” is a building love-sucks barnburner, but “Highs and Lows” is a peppy, pop-country life mantra that should finally give Smith some much-deserved radio play. Even when the rest of the disc mellows mid-LP, her honest riffs on life and (stupid) love — especially “Couldn’t Stand the Rain,” warmed with Amy Grant’s backing vocals — are all highs.
Chris Azzopardi is on a high every time he hears Amy Grant. No joke. Reach him at chris@pridesource.com.
Please join us for the 10th Annual Utah Pride Center Golf Classic Sunday, August 30, 2009 Stonebridge Golf Club
Due to the increased demand we have opened up another course to expand the tournament.
Please register TODAY online at www.utahpridecenter.org $110.00 per person Join us for more fun Friday, August 28, 2009 for a Party on the Patio Club JAM (751 N 300 W) ~ $20.00 suggested donation Food, Prizes, and Entertainment All proceeds benefit the programs and services of the Utah Pride Center The Utah Pride Center is a community-based organization that provides support, education, outreach and advocacy for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer individuals and their allies, through programs, services and resources. Please contact us at www.utahpridecenter.org 355 N 300 W, 1st floor, SLC, UT 84103 ~ 801.539.8800 x 20
2009 WORLD GAY RODEO FINALS OCTOBER 23 - 25
®
ALBUQUERQUE/SANTA FE
NEW MEXICO COUNTRY HOEDOWN
OCTOBER 24 • SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE SHERATON Join the International Gay Rodeo Association Cowboys and Cowgirls for an Evening of Fun and Entertainment!
The Demented Divas
Sandy Vee Anderson
in Totally Plowed
in a Tribute to Dolly Parton
From Truckers to Nascar, from Trailer Parks to Dollywood, the Divas Poke Fun at the Most Famous Country Western Divas.
Award Winning, Top Dolly Impersonator from Las Vegas legends in Concert and CMT, MTV, and VH1. www.mypromoreel.com/sandy_anderson.html
For more information and to purchase tickets online visit IGRA.com
PRESENTED BY INTERNATIONAL GAY RODEO ASSOCIATION
Q Scene
The largest Q Lagoon Day ever, by far! Photographer Brian Gordon took our group shot in a hurry, because the security guards were getting nervous, and you know what happens to gay boys and girls when security guards get nervous.
32 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
Aaron Royce took these of his friends. Or at least his camera did, since he’s in two of the shots.
Cory Gardner was nice enough to let us use these shots of his friends all over the park.
Eric “Taco” Hurtado caught these of his friends. We think Cody Martens may have scarred the young games employee for life.
We don’t know how Jesse Noble got some of these, because we never saw him leave the pavillion.
Randy Christian Lee had a great day at Lagoon Day
Brian Gordon and friends (including the QSaltLake staff) closed the place down — nearly an hour after the park was supposed to close
Q Lagoon Day was a tremendous amount of fun, even though the lines were absolutely nuts. Thanks a lot, KUTV. Speaking of thanks, we’d like to thank Cahoots, Club Try-Angles, Club Edge, Jam and Mischievous for passing out coupons; Club Try-Angles and Club Edge for hosting after-parties; Andrew Christian, UNICO, JM, Meditrina and Joe Snyder for furnishing bingo prizes and the people who let us put their photos on this spread. See you next year! Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 33
Cedars of Lebanon
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Come check us 259 W 900 S out & hang out Next door 801 364-4307 Club Try-Angles, www.offtraxslc.com in the NEW gaybor-hood!
Off Trax Is Off and Running
For over a year, Gene Gieber, owner of slaw ($7.49); â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Fish & Chips,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; one of GieClub Try-Angles, and his partner Jesse berâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favorites ($6.49). Dowhaniuk (among several other staff For those late-night, after-bar munchmembers of the club) had been working ies (when all you want is grease) thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tirelessly to get their new â&#x20AC;&#x153;hangoutâ&#x20AC;? a fine list of appetizers, such as: Chili ready for business. Specifically, gut- Cheese Nachos ($4.99), Mozzarella ting the old mechanicâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s garage located Sticks ($3.99), Poppers ($5.49) and Spicy just west of the club, building a patio Buffalo Wings ($6.49). out front and complying with all health, On the lighter side, the cafĂŠ offers a safety and city ordinances. selection of pastries and muffins, wraps, Gieberâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s vision is to incorporate a salads and a soup-of-the-day. gayborhood around Presumably knowing his club. Initially he that the fad for designer thought of a hair saâ&#x20AC;&#x153;caffe lattesâ&#x20AC;? is on the Off Trax lon to occupy the new downward slope, the 259 W 900 South space, but as time procafĂŠ offers only a selecgressed, it came to be tion of brewed coffees: Open Mondayâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Thursday a small internet cafĂŠ/ French Vanilla, French 7amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;7pm coffee shop â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the brainRoast, House and Eco Friday child of Dowhaniuk. Verde. 7amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;3pm Finally, on July 30, The hours of operaMidnight to Close Off Trax, located at 259 tion are Monday-ThursW. 900 S., opened for day, 7 a.m. to 7 p.m.; Saturday business. The quaint Friday, 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. Midnight to Close and brightly-colored and reopening at midcafĂŠ â&#x20AC;&#x201D; besides the hunnight; Saturday, opens gryman-style cuisine at midnight. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; offers video games, pool, jukebox According to Gieber, the first three music, free wi-fi and a casual, friendly weeks of business have been slightly environment. slower than expected, but he attributes The menu (or â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;train scheduleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it to the intial lack of advertising. He how clever!) selection includes break- also says that the after-bar crowd on fast, lunch and dinner items, such as: Friday and Saturday nights have been â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Johnny Cakes,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; a corn muffin with fire- â&#x20AC;&#x153;fairly decent.â&#x20AC;? roasted veggies, bacon and pepper jack Dowhaniuk was unavaible for comcheese ($3.99); â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Happy Hangover,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; ment, as he was yet again working a 26three any-style eggs, sausage, bacon, hour day perfecting â&#x20AC;&#x153;his baby.â&#x20AC;? hashbrowns and pancakes ($6.99); â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Ribs Visit offtraxslc.com to view the full menu or & Chips,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; half-rack with fries and cole call 801-364-4307 for to-go orders.
3 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
ACME Burger Salt Lake’s most imaginary burger joint, now offering Sunday brunch. 275 S 200 West Salt Lake City 801-257-5700
Bambara Restaurant New American Bistro menu w/ a “World of Flavors” 202 S Main St Salt Lake City 801-363-5454
Cafe Med Best casual Greek/ Mediterranean dining in town 420 E 3300 South Salt Lake City 801-493-0100
Cedars of Lebanon Authentic Lebanese, Armenian, Israeli, Moroccan, huka 152 E 200 S, SLC 801-364-4096
Elevation Caffe Taking coffee and weenies to new heights 1337 S Main St
Market Street Grill Salt Lake’s finest seafood restaurant with a great brunch. 2985 E 6580 S, SLC 801-942-8860 48 W Market St, SLC 801-322-4668 10702 S River Front Pkwy, S. Jordan 801-302-2262 260 S 1300 E, SLC 801-583-8808
Market Street Oyster Bar Salt Lake’s showcase for dining, conversation, fresh oysters 2985 E 6850 S, SLC 801-942-8870 54 W Market St, SLC 801-322-4668
10702 S River Front Pkwy, South Jordan 801-302-2262
Meditrina Small Plates & Wine Bar Encouraging gastronimic exploring in tapas tradition 1394 S West Temple Salt Lake City 801-485-2055
Mestizo Coffeehouse Coffee, art, jam sessions, free gallery West Side 631 W North Temple Suite 700, SLC 801-596-0500
The New Yorker The ‘grand patriarch of Downtown SLC restaurants’ - Zagat 60 Market St, SLC 801-363-0166
Off Trax Internet Café Coffee, Wifi and Pool 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307
Red Iguana Best home-made moles and chile verdes in town 736 W North Temple, SLC 801-322-1489
Sage’s Cafe Organic vegetarian, locally grown, fresh 473 E 300 South Salt Lake City 801-322-3790
Squatter’s Pub Brewery Utah’s favorite microbrewery, great pub menu 147 W 300 S Salt Lake City 801-363-2739
Squatters Roadhouse Grill 1900 Park Ave Park City 435-649-9868
Tin Angel Cafe Mediterranean bistro style 365 W 400 South t 8*/(4 '-"7034
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Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 35
Q Scene
The Redrock Women’s Music Festival was held this month once again in Torrey, Utah, bringing some of the best female artists to one of the most beautiful spots on earth. Photos by co-organizer Jeri Tafoya
And thanks to Lynda Lee for these night shots. We can’t wait til the 2010 festival!
3 6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
Q ueeries
ALL â&#x20AC;&#x153;FAMILYâ&#x20AC;? WELCOME
Silent Girlfriend
Q:
Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m loud when we have sex and like to tell my girlfriend how much I love her, but she never makes a sound or says a word. After weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re done, she just turns over and goes to sleep. I always enjoy the sex we have, but I never know what she thinks. How do I find out? Ask her! Sex often makes us so uncomfortable that we forget the easiest way to get to the bottom of a problem is to talk about it. So, yes, ask her about her feelings or her sexual enjoyment â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or prompt her a bit more slyly by telling her something like, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hey, that was amazing sex.â&#x20AC;? (You may want to wait till morning if you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t catch her in the moments before her post-coital doze.) On the other hand, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget about all the other forms of communication besides words: Is she passionate? Does she seem engaged and like sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s enjoying herself? Pay attention to the nonverbal cues. Maybe sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just not a very talkative person or is tired after a long day. She may already be telling you how great you are in her own way.
Voted #1 Lesbian Club for 4 Years! Thanks!
A:
When friends have sex Last week I ended up having sex with my best friend. At least he used to be my best friend â&#x20AC;&#x201D; we havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t talked since. Did I mess up? I definitely donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to lose our friendship, but I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how to put the genie back in the bottle. Does that mean we should be boyfriends? Slow down. Before you plan the rest of your life together or, conversely, prepare for Armageddon, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to have to do some thinking and talking. Best friends sometimes make the best lovers; after all, they know you so well and share your trust and affection. But the decision to take a friendship to the next level is tricky, and you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do it alone. First, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll need to ask yourself: â&#x20AC;&#x153;What do you want out of this beyond sex?â&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Are you willing to risk your friendship if the romance fails?â&#x20AC;? In a perfect world, you would each have explored these questions before things got physical. But hey, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life. Assuming you want to move forward, call him or e-mail and simply say: â&#x20AC;&#x153;We need to talk.â&#x20AC;? Then, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll want to explain how you feel and what your hopes are. Ask if he knows what he wants from your relationship. Even if he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to move beyond friends, initiating this conversation gives him an opportunity to talk about it with you. If you find youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not on the same page, you may be able to salvage your friendship if you stay open and honest with each other. But thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard. Been there. Done that. Q
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Former Utah Athlete Describes Bomb Attack at World Outgames By Jim Buzinski, Outsports.com
F
ormer utahn dean koga got the
best revenge against a bombwielding attacker determined to wreak havoc at the World Outgames track and field competition at Østerbro Stadium — he was on the track and competing the next day. Less than a day after spending four hours having shrapnel surgically removed from his right hand following a bomb attack, Koga took his place Wednesday on the blue-colored lanes under partly cloudy skies, his right hand bandaged, shook off the memories of what had happened and won a gold medal in his age group in the men’s 200 meter. “I was running on adrenaline,” Koga, 58, said of his race as he was trying to catch his breathe following his sprint down the stretch and after hugging his fellow racers. Koga, gay and a member of the Seattle Frontrunners, considers himself lucky that his injury is expected to heal and that no one else was injured. In interviews with Koga and a dozen other witnesses, the feeling is that it was just luck that there was only one injury from what were three bombs tossed onto the track in roughly a half-hour stretch. Danish police arrested a 31-year-old man caught tossing the third bomb and charged him with a hate crime, according to Danish media. The suspect was carrying a backpack containing another half-dozen or so bombs, Koga said he was told by the police. The devices that exploded on the track were described as being powerful, about 9 inches in length, with a blue plastic covering and a fuse that was burning after it landed. Here is a chronology of what happened on Tuesday, according to eyewitnesses:
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The 55-59 age group was in the starting area in the men’s 4x200-meter relay about 2 p.m. when a loud explosion was heard. Rob Lyons, a member of the New York Frontrunners, was taking photos and standing just feet from the blast, and said that the race starter looked at his gun, thinking it had misfired. “My ears were totally ringing,” Lyons said. After a brief delay and with everyone assuming the first blast was some one-off prank, the race was set to resume. That’s when a second bomb was tossed. “It lit up the whole area near the relay start,” said Stephen Stuehling, a member of the Seattle Frontrunners, who was on the other side of the track warming up for his relay when the second bomb hit. “The [bomb] container hit the ground and everyone yelled to run,” said Koga, who was in his running lane and then headed for the infield area. “That’s when I felt the impact” from the shrapnel that ricocheted off the ground and into the top part of his right hand. “I felt a sting and there was blood flowing down from the [relay] baton I was holding.” Koga at first tried to hide the injury, thinking it was minor. He said he did not want his relay team to have to forfeit. “I wondered if anyone would notice that there was blood if I ran,” he said. “I was concerned for the relay team and was trying to hide the injury, but it was too apparent.” On-site volunteer medical personnel then attended to Koga’s injury as police were called, but eyewitnesses said they took as long as 30 minutes to arrive. (“No police, it was unbelievable,” Lyons said.) Athletes and spectators were shocked and scared, and no one said WEEKLY E VENTS
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Jim Buzinski is CEO and Publisher of outsports. com, a site for gay sports fans and athletes.
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he was yelling, ‘I’ll be back tomorrow, guys,’” Stuehling said. The day after the attack, things were returning to normal at the stadium, but there were still people jumping the first few times the starter’s gun went off. Koga, very unassuming, sat in the stands with fellow runners and Seattle Frontrunners teammates, a bit embarrassed to be receiving any attention. “I was scared and shocked. It was just disheartening to see that,” Stuehling said. “Because of how open Denmark is, I felt pretty darn safe and this kind of corrupts that feeling.” But neither Stuehling nor any of the other athletes thought for a moment to cancel the competition. “People were undeterred,” Koga said. They had races to run and field events to perform and Koga was gearing up for the 800 meters. He has raced at five Gay Games and two Outgames and was not about to quit. Q
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they felt safe. According to an eyewitness one Italian runner was repeatedly screaming, “Where’s the police? Why are they letting them do this to us?” By the time police arrived, the suspect was still at large. While they were at the scene taking notes, a third bomb was tossed and rolled underneath the van of a film crew. Police then chased and captured the suspect. He threw the first two bombs from about 100 feet from an area of scaffolding at the adjoining St. Jakobs church that is undergoing construction. The third bomb, witnesses said, was tossed from a closer distance over a 10-foot high wall near the track. “It was annoying that it happened a second time,” said one athlete, a retired New York City police officer, who did not want to be identified as being critical of other police officers. While praising the response of the onsite Outgames volunteers, he said that Copenhagen police failed to adequately secure the area after first arriving. The on-site medical personnel determined that Koga needed to be hospitalized, and he was taken by ambulance with his partner, Curt Johnson, sitting beside him. Koga said that it took four different doctors to remove “the big chunk of plastic that lodged [in my hand.] It was clear plastic with a dark coating.” He was in the hospital for about four hours, required four stitches, and was sent home and told to take penicillin to prevent an infection. “I feel very fortunate that it wasn’t an injury to the face or eye or that anyone else was injured,” Koga said. “It could have been a lot worse.” “As [Koga] was leaving the stadium,
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3 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
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Q Sports Getting High in the Sky by Brad Di Iorio
H
ot air ballooning may not
appear to be a sport that is accessible to everyone or a sport that requires strength or a cardio work out. But like all other sports, factoring in things like experience, knowledge, timing and the navigator’s choices can make every balloon ride safe and successful — or dangerous and deadly. Hot air ballooning is popular around the world, and it usually done in the summer months — because a summer balloon trip is warmer for passengers and the weather is usually easier to contend with. Each pilot is responsible for keeping guests safe and secure while incorporating their knowledge of wind trends and currents, climbing and descending, weather conditions, and the workings of a balloon—such as gauging fuel levels and understanding equipment requirements. When all of these are kept in mind, a balloon ride is a memorable experience. Novices interested in the sport can learn on their own after buying the three essential parts of a balloon: the basket, a burner (which propels hot air into the balloon), and the balloon itself, which ballooners refer to as the “envelope.” This can be expensive, but used parts are always available at more reasonable prices. If the cost of buying the parts is prohibitive, then novices are encouraged to volunteer with established balloonists so they can learn the basics. Usually, a balloonist will need help in getting the gear to the take-off area, setting up the parts and getting the balloon up. After landing, the balloon will need to be torn down and folded up. A chaser, someone who keeps in contact with the pilot by walky-talky while the pilot is in the air, is part of this process. He or she drives a vehicle for set-up and landings or to carry passengers to and from the balloon landing areas. Setting up the balloon and watching the burner come on are as much fun as the actual ride. When you ignite the propane tanks in the basket, the hot air is blown into the unfolded envelope on the ground. Two people hold each side of the envelope’s base, as the burner and a big fan blow air past the ignited propane. This fills the envelope with hot air. Eventually, the hot air raises the balloon to an upright position, and folks on the ground must hold onto the basket, serving as counterweights, until the passengers and pilot get into the basket. Hot air is lighter than cold air, so the more hot air blown in the envelope causes the balloon to rise. A parachute
valve at the top of the balloon — which is actually a large circular cut in the balloon — opens when the pilot pulls on the valve line to let hot air out. When enough hot air is released, the balloon will descend. To stay in the air, the pilot must keep firing the burner to keep the balloon stable or at the same height. Most balloonists prefer to go up during the early morning because vertical winds and lower temperatures common at this time help get the balloon up and down easily. As the balloon rises, layers of wind blow horizontally to the earth, so a pilot finds a specific direction in which a wind is blowing as he or she rises or descends, and then navigates in that direction. Usually, each balloon ride lasts an hour and paid flights are charged by the hour. The history of hot air ballooning is filled with examples of ballooning aficionados outdoing each other. The sport is also said to have contributed to space travel, because pressurized baskets, or chambers, were created to set altitude records. Also, the first balloon ride in 1783 was a test; the basket held a duck, a rooster, and a sheep. The scientist who conducted this test, Pilatre De Rozier, later died when his unique balloon design exploded in his attempt to cross the English Channel. Just two years later, a Parisian and American team of balloonists became the first to cross the English Channel, and in 1793, President George Washington witnessed Jean Pierre Blanchard’s launch from North America. The Atlantic Ocean was crossed in 1978 in 137 hours with a helium filled balloon, while the Pacific was crossed in 1981 from Japan to California’s Mendocino National Forest, setting a distance record of 5,678 miles by four pilots in a helium gas-filled balloon. Richard Branson and Per Lindstrand set the record for crossing the Atlantic and the Pacific in a hot air balloon not using helium traveling at speeds up to 245 miles per hour. Steve Fossett completed their transpacific flight by himself, traveling from Korea to Canada in four days. In 1999, what is considered the first around the world flight was accomplished by Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones. The flight’s path went from Switzerland to Africa, smashing all distance records. Locally, the 15th Annual Ogden Valley Balloon Festival was held in Eden, UT from Aug. 14–16. Great weather greeted
4 0 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
an estimated 15,000 people who visited the area for the three-day event. Highlights of the festival included balloon launches, arts and craft booths, kid’s games and activities, local live entertainment and an evening balloon glow, which allowed spectators to view the spectacle of balloons lit by their burners. A surprise entry in this year’s festival was the St. Louis, Misouribased Energizer Battery company’s Hot “Hare” Balloon. This balloon, in t he shape of the brand’s pink Energizer Bunny mascot, is considered the tallest hot air balloon currently in the world, at 166 feet tall, or larger than the Empire State building. If you want to see more balloons before the weather cools, check out the 4th Annual Antelope Island Balloon & Kite Stampede in Davis County from Sept. 4–6. The festival is actively looking for volunteers to help with balloon crewing and the newly added kiting events. In Nevada, the Great Reno Balloon Race will take place Sept. 11–13, and the Cedar City Sky Fest will be held Sept. 18–20. For more information about local balloonist clubs and commercial flights, type ‘Hot Air Ballooning’ in your favorite Web browser. For more information on local balloon events, go to ogdenvalleyballoonfestival.com, antelopeballoons.com, renoballoon.com www.cedarcityskyfest.com.
Fall Play for Pride Community Softball
As the summer softball season winds down, the Pride Community Softball League has announced that they will be playing on Monday nights at Jordan Park’s southwest field. Individual players looking for a team to play on in the fall can email the league at pcsl@prideleague.com with their name, sex, contact information and position played. Sponsors interested in supporting a team can also email the league at the same address. To register your team, contact Eliza Goodman at egoodman@slco.org or call (801) 270-7260. Registration ends Aug. 26. For more information about the league, visit PrideLeague.com.
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Q Puzzle
From Ellen’s Commencement Speech Across 1 Some G.M. cars 5 It comes out of your head 9 t.A.T.u., e.g. 13 Gallo portrayer in And the Band Played On 14 Olympic medalist Louganis 15 Weight loss product 16 Ellen: “When I was your age, I was dating men. So what I’m saying is ...” 18 Rimbaud’s zip 19 Slangy term of endearment 20 “Howl” poet 22 Wheel track 24 Falco of “The Sopranos” 25 Made a deep throaty sound 29 In cahoots 33 Fine, at NASA 34 Speed at which you come 36 Like the subjects of Gay and Gray 37 Use your mouth unfaithfully 39 See 16-Across 41 Room in a casa 42 See 16-Across 44 Takes to court 46 Bottom line
47 Russian River or Provincetown 49 Dancer Duncan 51 Poet ___ Wu 53 What he becomes, with gender reassignment 54 Shooter of Rimbaud 58 “___ My Heart in San Francisco” 62 Skin softener 63 See 16-Across 65 Single drag queen’s title 66 Top 67 Vehicle with treads 68 Overture to a split end? 69 Broadway light 70 Slight advantage Down 1 Look at a hottie in a bar, perhaps 2 K through 12 3 Had too much, briefly 4 Trying Hard to Hear You author Scoppettone 5 “Where did ___ wrong?” 6 AZT, e.g. 7 Queer, to straights 8 Meeting outline 9 Muscle Mary’s weights 10 What Washington wouldn’t tell 11 Glenn Burke, formerly
12 Fender nick 17 Like a chicken hawk’s prey 21 Hole entered by a Minuteman 23 Lions or Tigers or Bears 25 Eva of Gigi 26 Husband of Pocahontas 27 Rubber-stamps 28 Durango deity 30 My Own Private ___ 31 Moray seeker 32 Area of Tennessee? 35 Poet Kitty 38 Like unavailing cries, to Shakespeare 40 Gay wedding guide author Ayers 43 Bear up there 45 Indian head, once? 48 Taipei’s land 50 Cut 52 Where Dick Button performed 54 Drag queen on the make 55 Film director Kazan 56 Lady Sings the Blues star 57 Giggling Muppet 59 Cry of mock horror 60 Dracula feature 61 Little biker in a Gay Pride march 64 Spy novelist Deighton answers on p. 43
Cryptogram
A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.
This week’s hint: H = B Theme: Comment by Kete Kendall, executive director of NCLR about the LDS Church.
Qa’n xsgr gikqyioqfrk abid Q grxrxhrg rerg nrrqdj qa.
___ ____ ___________ ____ _ ________ ____ ______ __. 42 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 135 | Augus t 20, 20 09
Cocktail Chatter A Sopping Wet Martini, Please
of course, as well as newly popular old drinks like the Chrysanthemum and the Obituary Cocktail. When you request an Extra Dry Martini you are requesting one with less dry vermouth, not more, so perhaps it should be called the “Extra Vodka Martini” instead. But long before anyone put vodka in a Martini, the drink (and its predecessor, the Martinez) was made with genever (a malty gin from Holland) and sweet vermouth. Over the years leading up to Prohibition, the London dry style of gin became increasingly popular, and dry vermouth is a better match to that. So the term “Dry Martini” may have first referred to dry gin and dry vermouth over the sweet versions of each. Nowadays it refers to using as little vermouth as possible, and that’s a shame because the wet version can be delicious. To improve your Martini and Manhattan mixology at home, buy the smallest bottles of the most expensive vermouth you can find. Look for boutique brands Dolin or Vya, but Noilly-Prat is a good and inexpensive dry vermouth and Martini & Rossi is a good sweet one. Before you throw out your current bottle, buy a new one and compare the two. The old vermouth will smell like vinegar and rancid vegetation (kind of like that dumpster cheeseburger) while the new will have a crisp fresh aroma. After opening, keep your vermouth in the refrigerator to help it last longer. (This is especially important with dry vermouth.) The better and fresher the vermouth, the more of it you’ll want mix into your cocktails. Soon instead of crying for a dry Martini you’ll be begging the bartender to make it wet. Q
by Camper English
You think you don’t like vermouth, and you are probably wrong. If you only ever ate moldy cheeseburgers found in the dumpster you would think cheeseburgers are disgusting, and likewise that nearly-full, dusty bottle of vermouth in your cupboard probably went bad a couple of years ago. Try a fresh bottle and you may change your tune. Vermouth is a fortified and aromatized wine. The wine part is why it spoils once it’s opened. The fortified part indicates that it has some higher-proof spirit added to give it a longer shelf life than table wine. (Other fortified wines include port and sherry.) That vermouth is aromatized which means that it has extra flavorings added, in this case herbs, flowers, spices and bark — according secret recipes unique to each brand. We generally speak of two types of vermouth: sweet/Italian/red, and dry/French/ white. I sometimes forget which is Italian and which is French, so I remember that the sweet/Italian/red has the acronym SIR, and the other has the same initials as the Dallas/ Ft. Worth international airport. The red one (Thank you, SIR) usually pairs well with dark spirits like whisky and goes into drinks like the Manhattan, Negroni and Americano. The white works well with clear spirits and goes into the vodka or gin Martini,
Q doku
Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five seperate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.
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by Petunia Pap-Smear
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Julie Silveous Realtor. . . . . . . 801-502-4507 Skinworks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-530-0001 Speakeasy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-521-7000 Squarepeg Concerts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . squarepegconcerts.com Super Star . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-649-4691 Takashi. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-519-9595 Tammy Radice. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-277-0533 The Tavernacle. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-519-8900 The Trapp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-531-8727 Tin Angel Cafe. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-328-4155
Puzzle Solutions
Trolley Wing Co. . . . . . . . . . . . 801-538-0745 8 2 1 4 3 6 7 9 5
Dr. Douglas Woseth. . . . . . . . . 801-266-8841
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Jeff Williams Taxi. . . . . . . . . . . 801-971-6287
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W Lounge. . . . . . . . . myspace.com/wlounge
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Utah Symphony/Opera. . utahsymphony.org
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Utah Pride Center . . . . . . . . . . 801-539-8800
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Ultraperform . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-577-3006
Now, I’m not only hairless, and my face is streaked with rain-streaked mascara, but I’m in desperate need of a manicure. To complete my wardrobe malfunctions, I lost one of my heels in the knee-deep water. A lesser queen might have given up and returned to the safety and comfort of the hotel, but not me. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor dark of night, (nor even a hair-snatching, nail-breaking, mascara-ruining typhoon) can keep Petunia Pap-Smear from her appointed rounds. Not when beach boys or tacky souvenirs are at stake. Determined to resume my search I lurched onward and was stepping off a curb to cross another water-filled street, when my elbow was grabbed roughly from behind. I looked around and it was a little old lady holding tightly onto my arm and loudly scolding me in Portuguese as she wildly gesticulated with her other hand. For a moment I mistook her for Sophia Petrillo and I excitedly looked around for Blanche, Rose and Dorothy. Reflexively, I told the woman “let go of my arm or it’s Shady Pines ma, Shady Pines!” Fortunately a passerby who spoke English stopped and translated for me, correcting my mistake and bringing me back to reality. The woman was warning me that I should be careful walking in the water-filled streets because a storm like this can cause the manhole covers to blow off leaving deadly open holes into the sewer, into
Cryptogram: It’s more radicalized than I remember ever seeing it.
Anagram: Brandon Bryant
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Scott Alexander. . . . . . . . . . . . 801-654-2179
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Sam Weller’s Books. . . . . . . . . 801-328-2586
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Salt Lake Acting Co. . . . . . . . . . . . . saltlakeactingcompany.org
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Ron’s Rub. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-532-4263
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Red Iguana. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-322-1489
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Pride Massage. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-486-5500
7 2 5 1 3 8 9 6 4
Pride Counseling. . . . . . . . . . . 801-595-0666
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Platinum Bodywork. . . . . . . . . 801-528-6734
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Planned Parenthood. . . . . . . 800-230-PLAN
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Paper Moon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-713-0678
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Now Playing Utah . . . . nowplayingutah.com
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Meditrina . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-485-2055
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Mestizo Coffeehouse. . . . . . . . 801-596-0500
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MegaPhone, code 4621. . . . . . 801-595-0005
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Le Croissant. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-466-2537
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KRCL-FM. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-363-1818
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Klub Karamba. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-696-0639
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Jam. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . jamslc.com
8 2 6 7 4 9 3 5 1 6 2 4 8 9 7 1 4 3 2 6 5
Infinity Electrolysis. . . . . . . . . 801-671-6684
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IGRA. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 775-323-2019
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Gossip!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-328-0255
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Done To Your Taste Catering. . 435-783-3942
T
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Don Austin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-485-9225
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The Dog Show . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-466-6100
Brazil is fraught with danger and excitement. The exciting conclusion to my choir tour to Rio de Janeiro. The morning after my night of passionate horizontal mambo-ing with the buff Brazilian beach boy — which I told you about last month — a devastating typhoon hit Rio and shut everything down. The rain was falling sideways due to the 70 mph wind, and most of the choir members stayed holed up in the hotel. But I, being the ever intrepid adventurous queen, and still having my libido revved up from the previous night’s debauchery, didn’t want to waste a single moment of being the consummate tacky tourist. I threw caution to the wind, literally, and I struck out on my own, into gale force winds, wading through two-foot deep water in the streets on a journey of adventure and tropical exploration. Of course my fabulous hair was the first casualty, as the wind snatched my best beehive wig from my head, it sailed away like a demented pink flamingo toward the large statue of Jesus that towers over the city. I maneuvered down the street by holding on to light post after light post, releasing my grip and letting the wind carry me to the next light post and grabbing on for dear life, wherein came the second casualty of my excursion. In grabbing the poles, I broke off the Lee Press On Nails of every finger. he road to
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Club Try-Angles. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-364-3203
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Club Edge. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-652-6543
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Cedars of Lebanon. . . . . . . . . . 801-364-4096
which hapless victims sometimes disappear to be discovered several days latter washed out to sea. Duly chastened and looking like Cloris Leachman in the final demolition derby scene from The North Avenue Irregulars, I carefully returned, hobbling on one heel back to the hotel to ride out the rest of the storm. By the next morning, the storm was over, and I ventured out onto Copacabana Beach, to survey the devastation. I came upon a deep pit dug in the sand, with blood scattered all over. In the bottom of the pit lay a wooden bowl, a dead and half-burned chicken and a dagger, among other things. Apparently during the storm, a voodoo priest had performed a sacrifice ceremony to appease the weather gods. And apparently it worked because it was a glorious morning. To make the best of this magnificent day, we went on a sight-seeing tram ride to the top of Sugar Loaf Mountain, which if you have ever seen it, resembles a big stone penis rising up out on the end of a peninsula. Later, while I was quietly marveling to myself about having ridden to the top of the largest penis in the world, (now remember people, I am a size queen) some friends and I were eating lunch and appreciating the passing Speedo-wearing scenery at a lovely sidewalk café. Suddenly, a man holding a bag and a gun came running from around the corner of the building. A few seconds later two policemen with guns drawn, came running after, yelling at the man. Oh how wonderful I thought, they are putting on a street show for the tourists just like they perform the shootout in Jackson Hole, Wyo. I watched in amusement until they ran out of sight, then I turned back to eat my food. It was then I noticed that all of the other customers and waiters were lying flat on the ground. A woman who spoke English told us that the police had been yelling for everyone to get down. Come to find out, it was a real crime and the man had robbed an armored car about a block away. Thus, in a hail of gunfire, (okay nobody fired) ended my tour of Rio de Janeiro. I came home to Utah with many fond memories, and I can’t wait to return. Like always these events leave us with many eternal questions: 1. Would voodoo work to restore my hair and nails? 2 If I was washed down a sewer drain, would that count as a burial at sea? 3. How many spare wigs should a queen travel with? 4. If my wig did end up on Jesus, would that earn me any treasures in heaven? 5. Would Jesus look silly in my pink Beehive hairdo? 6. Do they make Sugar Loaf Mountain shaped dildos? 7. For the morbidly curious, you can befriend me on Facebook. These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear. Q
Augus t 20, 20 09 | issue 135 | QSa lt L a k e | 47
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