QSaltLake Magazine - 137 - Sep. 17, 2009

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National Affirmation Conference in Salt Lake

Cleve Jones to Speak at SLC National Coming Out Day

Ruth Hackford-Peer’s Final Column

Staff Box publisher/editor

Michael Aaron

In This Issue

ISSUE 137 • september 17, 2009

Mo’s v. ’Mos. . . . . . . . . .

News

assistant editor

Views

22

National . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Local. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

From the Editor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Lambda Lore . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Snaps & Slaps. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Ruby Ridge. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 The Straight Line. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 Creep of Week. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Who’s Your Daddy? . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Ruth. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

JoSelle Vanderhooft arts & entertainment editor

A&E

Gay Agenda . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Restaurant Review. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 Dining Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Crossword, Cryptogram. . . . . . . . . 38 Comics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 The Dating Diet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 Qdoku. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 Anagram. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Petunia Pap-Smear. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 Puzzle Answers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 The Back Page. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

Tony Hobday graphic designer

Christian Allred contributors

Lynn Beltran Brad Di Iorio Ruth Hackford-Peer Ryan Shattuck Troy Williams Christopher Katis Petunia Pap-Smear

Joseph Dewey Anthony Paull Ruby Ridge Ben Williams Rex Wockner David Alder

contributing photographers

Becky Elenor Laurie Kaufman

Brian Gordon David Newkirk

sales manager

Brad Di Iorio office manager

Tony Hobday distribution

Brad Di Iorio Aaron Smith Gary Horenkamp Nancy Burkhart publisher

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QSaltLake is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2009, Salt Lick Publishing LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Copies of QSaltLake are distributed free of charge in 200 locations across Utah and in Idaho and Nevada. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons.

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KINGSBURY HALL PRESENTS

Student tickets $10

LGBT Pride Week 2009 Event!

Limit 2 tickets per student ID

THE LARAMIE PROJECT 10 YEARS LATER... AN EPILOGUE Written by Moisés Kaufman, Leigh Fondakowski, Greg Pierotti, Andy Paris, and Stephen Belber (Tectonic Theater Project) Directed by Jerry Rapier, Plan-B Theatre

October 9 | Kingsbury Hall | 7:30 pm Nancy Peery Marriott Auditorium

Tickets: 801-581-7100 | www.kingtix.com Tickets starting at $24.50 | U of U Discounts Available The Laramie Project - Epilogue investigates the long-term cultural impact of Matthew Shepard’s murder and the collective memory of the community a decade later. This preview performance of Tectonic’s newest work will forever change your perspectives on love, bias, and acceptance.

BOOKS literary classics to

From the Editor

Me and My MG

novelty gift reads

by Michael Aaron

A

s the debate over health care

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reform rages through the nation and politicians posture over each other and resort to schoolyard antics, there are those of us who don’t find humor in the situation.

There are those of us to whom this may be considered a life-or-death issue.

I am they.

I don’t talk a lot about this, except to a few people close to me (and I’m sure they wish I didn’t), but in 2004 I was diagnosed with a disease called Myasthenia Gravis.

And while June is MG Awareness Month, June is a rather “full” time for QSaltLake, so I tend to ignore an issue that affects my life.

And, while this column is about health care, it would probably be helpful for me to give you the Readers’ Digest version of what MG is. So here it goes, courtesy of myasthenia.org:

increase the amount of chemical the brain sends down to my muscles, I can get by just fine (except when it hits my eyes, for some reason).

The long and the short of it is — I cannot get health insurance like most people. Though the pills I take are only $60 a month, some people die of MG because it hits their lungs and, therefore, insurance companies won’t touch me with a 10-foot pole.

I currently have no options to get insured.

I’m self-employed, have a limited income, and contrary to popular belief, not yet of retirement age.

I have talked with many people who are in the same boat. One pays nearly $1000 a month on group insurance and is just waiting to turn 65 so he can get onto Medicare. Others, like me, simply cannot get insured and ignore chronic illnesses since they cannot afford the ongoing care. A young friend waited too long to go to the emergency room to care for an infected tooth and died at the age of 24.

He died of a tooth infection.

So, when I hear people say they are against a public option for health care, they are telling me, my 64-year-old friend and, if he were alive, my 24-yearold friend that we don’t matter. As long as they are covered, everything is fine.

Whatever happened to compassion?

Where is this country’s supposed “Christian values?”

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

We are in this economic mess because of greed. Greed bred corruption. Since when are greed, corruption and schoolyard antics the American dream?

So, forgive me if I take it personally when you say you are against Obama’s efforts to get everyone in our country insured because it may raise your premiums or cause you to make a change or two. You are saying, perhaps to my face, that my challenges don’t matter.

You lie. Q

Since when are greed, corruption and schoolyard antics the American dream?

Myasthenia Gravis comes from the Greek and Latin words meaning “grave muscular weakness.”

The most common form of MG is a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disorder that is characterized by fluctuating weakness of the voluntary muscle groups. The prevalence of MG in the United States is estimated to be about 20/100,000 population. However, MG is probably under-diagnosed and the prevalence may be higher.

What it means is my immune system is bored and a bit overactive, and it attacks the receptors on my muscles that accept the chemical signal from the brain that says, “move.” So, they don’t.

It feels, at times, like I’ve already run a marathon and now it’s time to walk. Or, I’ve already done 40 sets of pull-ups, and now it’s time to wash my hair. Sometimes it affects one or both of my eyes and I cannot focus. It can affect any muscle that you can clench at will, which is about everything but your heart.

Mostly, if I take pills developed to

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News — National

Quips & Quotes

by Rex Wockner

Arizona State Workers Stripped of Partner Benefits

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer signed a budget Sept. 4 that, among other things, stripped away health coverage for state employees’ domestic partners.

Some legislators had been working to kill the benefit since former Gov. Janet Napolitano approved it last year. Napolitano is now the federal secretary of homeland security.

“This is a cruel and cynical ploy by the far right to target and hurt the families of gay and lesbian state employees under the guise of cost-cutting,” said Tara Borelli, staff attorney for Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer Lambda Legal.

“The cutting of benefits pulls the rug out from underneath hardworking state employees and saves the state next to nothing.”

❝❝

Everyone will want to talk to the senator [Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan] and the people of Utah who want discrimination. ...

Utah and Mormons will be vilified. Everyone will lose. There no longer will be any LGBT protection in housing and employment.

The legislature will look mean-spirited and Talibanlike. Our state will look parochial and unwelcoming to outsiders. And, of course, the LDS Church will get blamed for all.”

—Jim Dabakis, founding chairperson of Equality Utah, about the fate of Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker’s gay and transgenderinclusive nondiscrimination law in the Salt Lake Tribune.

Activist Cleve Jones called for an Oct. 11 March on Washington at the 2009 Utah Pride Festival. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force has voted to endorse the march, though few other national organizations have.

NGLTF Endorses March Calif. Assembly tells FDA on Washington to end gay blood ban The National Gay and Lesbian Task In a 41-28 vote Sept. 8, the California Assembly told the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to end the 26-year-old ban on blood donation by gay men.

The ban applies to any man who has had sex with another man at any point in the past 31 years.

“The law prevents innumerable gay and bisexual men who are otherwise healthy from contributing to the nation’s blood supply, which faces chronic shortfalls due to a lack of donations,” said Calif. State Rep. Tom Equality CaliforAmmiano nia. “Adopted in 1983, the rule targeted gay and bisexual men because of fear over HIV/AIDS transmission. (Today,) significant innovations in blood-screening technology make the fear of HIV/AIDS spreading through the blood supply nearly nonexistent.”

The resolution was sponsored by gay Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, D-San Francisco, who commented: “The FDA is well aware of this technology as well as the erroneous and unscientific belief that the virus is only spread by gay and bisexual men. I hope President Obama hears our call to change this shameful and discriminatory practice immediately, so we can save more lives.”

The measure now advances to the state Senate.

Force has endorsed the National Equality March scheduled for Washington, D.C., Oct. 11.

NGLTF joins a small number of other national LGBT groups — among them the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches and Join The Impact — that are formally supporting the grassroots/netroots LGBT march.

“The Task Force will be there at the march to support the voices of new activists, LGBT people and our allies who push and push for the end to hatred, discrimination and unjust laws,” said Executive Director Rea Carey. “The Task Force is excited to support a new wave of activists and advocates.”

Marchers will “demand action from the federal government to protect our rights in all 50 states,” said organizer Kip Williams. “Real equality can only come from the president, the Congress and the Supreme Court.”

Vocal supporters of the march include veteran activists David Mixner, Torie Osborn, Cleve Jones, Ann Northrop and Nicole Murray-Ramirez, along with newer activists such as Dustin Lance Black, Lt. Dan Choi, Corey Johnson and “Meet in the Middle” organizer Robin McGehee.

Black, who won an Academy Award for writing the Milk screenplay, said: “The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution guarantees equal protection under the law, but LGBT Americans

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are still denied that protection. Now is the time to push for real equality, in all matters governed by civil law.”

The Human Rights Campaign has not endorsed the march but did issue a statement saying it has an “obligation to ensure that in October, we amplify our energy, not divert it.”

“With thousands of LGBT people and allies coming to Washington to make a difference, it’s our mission to help them become the citizen lobbyists that they want and need to be,” said President Joe Solmonese.

The weekend also will feature workshops, trainings, seminars and teachins, but no official parties, concerts or entertainment. The march route still is not finalized. For more information, see nationalequalitymarch.com.

Mass. Has Nation’s Lowest Divorce Rate Massachusetts, the first state to legalize same-sex marriage, has the nation’s lowest divorce rate — and it’s continuing to fall.

The rate in 2007 was 2.3 per 1,000 people, according to the Centers for Disease Control’s Division of Vital Statistics.

Preliminary data for 2008 show the rate has dropped further, to 2.0.

“Despite all the dire warnings (about gay marriage), the sky did not fall down,” noted lesbian MSNBC host Rachel Maddow. “In fact, Massachusetts divorce rates are now down to pre-World-War-II levels: 1940.”

“So, awkwardly, it turns out gay marriage is a defense of marriage act,” Maddow said.

❝❝

What the governor’s remarks indicated to us was a lack of information.

Almost always, if someone is willing to look at a number of personal stories, all of a sudden they may not change their mind about legislation or civil rights, but they have a more moderate stance and it’s much easier for us to coexist.”

—Paul Danzig, spokesperson for the group Foundation for Reconciliation, telling the Deseret News why his group wants to meet with Gov. Gary Herbert to discuss his stance on the nondiscrimination law.

❝❝

Yes, historians might look back on Saturday as a landmark day for gay rights in Utah.”

—Sports blog “The Wiz of Odds,” on a video in which a male BYU Cougars fan said he would make out with quarterback Max Hall after his winning touchdown against Oklahoma State.

❝❝

The last was that I was [gay]. I think they were just high and they wanted to beat somebody.”

—Formerly homeless youth Mike Montoya, telling the Salt Lake Tribune the reasons two men accused of beating him last May gave for the attack.

❝❝

People would say, ‘I already did it once. Why do I have to do it again tonight?’”

—Activist Jacob Whipple telling City Weekly about declining participation in protests.

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News

Anti-Gay Buju Banton’s Salt Lake Concert Canceled

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

A reggae singer who has received criticism from gay and transgender groups for a song advocating the torture and murder of gay men was scheduled, as recently as Sept. 14, to perform Oct. 8 at Salt Lake City’s Urban Lounge.

But just as this issue of QSaltLake was preparing to go to press, Will Sartain, who is in charge of the club’s bookings, released a statement saying that the show would be cancelled.

“When initially scheduling the Buju Banton event we were unaware of his hateful anti-gay message,” said Sartain in a statement sent to the newspaper.

In August, the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center drew attention to the 2009 fall tour of roots/reggae artist Buju Banton, whose controversial song “Boom Bye Bye” was a dancehall hit in Jamaica during the early 1990s. The song’s lyrics (partly reprinted below in Jamaican patois and standard English translation) glorify assaulting gay men with uzis and burning their skin with acid.

In other parts of the song which have not received much press attention, Banton expresses dismay and disgust at men who “don’t want Jackie” and “want Paul instead,” and asserts his heterosexuality; that he loves women “from head down to foot bottom.”

According to the New York Times, the L.A. Center’s outcry against Banton’s tour, and a campaign on its Facebook page, generated hundreds of calls to tour promoters Live Nation and AEG, and lead to the cancellation of several Banton concerts, including those in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago and Las Vegas. Shortly after news of the cancellations became public, Banton’s label Gargamel Music released a statement condemning the cancellations and the “grossly inaccurate portrait of Buju being painted” by protesters.

Noting that Banton preaches against violence at his shows, the statement reads: “Buju Banton was all of 15 years old when he wrote “Boom Bye Bye” in response to a widely publicized man/ boy rape case in Jamaica. It was not a call to violence. The song was re-released on a popular dancehall rhythm

Boom, Bye Bye Anytime Buju Banton come Anytime Buju Banton comes Batty bwoy get up an run Faggots get up and run Boom bye bye Boom (gun shot) bye bye (Goodbye, as in you’re dead) Inna batty bwoy head In a faggot’s head Rude bwoy no promote no nasty

in 1992 and caused a huge uproar after receiving commercial radio play in the States. Following much public debate back then, prominent gay rights leaders — and Buju decidedly moved on.

For the record, it is the only song he ever made on the subject — and he does not perform it today.”

The statement also notes Banton’s founding of Operation Willy, an organization dedicated to raising money for children and infants infected with or orphaned by AIDS, and his speaking out against the genocide in Darfur.

“Yet none of these personal and professional accomplishments matter much to a gay lobby hellbent on destroying the livelihood of a man who has spent an entire career making amends — his way,” the statement concludes.

“Sadly, their 17-year fixation on waging war against one artist has prevented them from turning this initiative into a larger, more fruitful discussion that could perhaps effect real change.”

Protesters, however, disagree. A recently created Web site, Cancel Buju Banton “Rasta Got Hate” Tour 2009 (a play on “Rasta Got Soul,” the name of Banton’s tour) at cancelbujubanton. wetpaint.com, states that Banton continues to perform the song and includes several YouTube videos of such performances. While some are short and difficult to make out, others are more clear.

In one video clip from Banton’s performance at the Guyana Music Festival, Oct. 27, 2007, courtesy of New York Linkz, the opening strains of “Boom Bye Bye” can be heard as Banton sings “World is in trouble every time Buju Banton come,” the opening words to the song. Immediately after that, his microphone goes off.

“Unfortunately his mic was cut off just as promoters thought he was going to perform “Boom Bye Bye,”” a reporter narrates.

In an undated video, titled “Fire Burn Batty” and uploaded to YouTube on Sept. 2, Banton can clearly be heard shouting “There is no end to the war between me and faggots!” and the slang term “batty” while the beat of “Boom Bye Bye” plays behind him. This video

man Rude boy don’t promote any queer man Dem haffi dead They have to die...

Send fi di matic an Send for the automatic (gun) and Di Uzi instead The Uzi (gun) instead Shoot dem no come if we shot dem-

Shoot them, don’t come (to help them) if we shoot them.

Guy come near we If a guy comes near me Then his skin must peel Then his skin must peel (Note: In Jamaica, pouring acid on an individual is a common revenge tactic) Burn him up bad like an old tire wheel Burn him up bad like an old tire

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can be seen directly at tinyurl.com/onhw5z.

At first, Sartain said that he had watched a few of the videos and could not tell what Banton was saying.

“I couldn’t make out if that was the song or not,” he said.

In his initial e-mail to QSaltLake, Sartain said he did not respond immediately to previous requests seeking comment because he was unwell at the time and thought the paper was merely requesting to do a story on the show. Until the first article about Banton appeared in the paper, he said he had heard nothing but “positive songs” from the singer.

“I did not realize that Buju was getting any criticism from the gay activist community,” he wrote. “I have never heard of “Boom Bye Bye” or the controversy surrounding it.”

After listening to the song, Sartain said he was stunned.

“The lyrics of “Boom Bye Bye” are horrible. Some of the most offensive lyrics to gays I have ever seen,” he said.

He immediately called Banton’s agent, saying that the song made him want to cancel the show. The agent, he said, told him that if Banton’s camp “could make the song go away, they would” and then sent him the press release. At first, Sartain said their statement “shed new light on things for me.”

“Jamaica is commonly considered to be a homophobic country in general,” he wrote. “I can imagine how a 15-yearold boy without the luxury of being around open-minded people (regarding homosexuality) might write a song such as this, especially with his peers feeding into homophobia. From this point of view, I feel there is much cultural misunderstanding. He converted to Rastafarianism in the early 1990s and not since written any other hateful music.”

But after watching all of the videos on the Wet Paint site, Sartain said he changed his mind.

“Upon further review, Urban Lounge has decided to cancel the event,” he wrote. “We strive for peace and understanding in our community. We support the rights of all. We have made this decision on moral grounds.”

Valerie Larabee, director of the Utah Pride Center, said she didn’t think Gargamel Music’s press release was truthful.

“What amazes me about that is there’s none of his words in there. They made a statement for him,” she said. “I think it lacks any sincerity. The artist has to explain their behavior, not the marketing agency.”

Further complicating the situation is the fact that Banton signed the Reggae Compassion Act in 2007, a pledge by several reggae artists to stop writing and performing songs with anti-gay lyrics. However, reports from several news sources say that he later denied

OUTRAGE protester in London holds placards denouncng Buju Banton, Beenie Man

doing so. Additionally, Banton was one of several men charged with beating six Jamaican men in an anti-gay hate crime. He was acquitted of charges in 2006.

“However,” a post on the Wet Paint site reads, “because homosexuality is a crime in Jamaica, the police fail to protect LGBT people from hate crimes and fully prosecute those who commit them.”

Indeed, Amnesty International regularly documents human rights abuses against gay men and lesbians in Jamaica including imprisonment and murder.

Sartain said he had no comment on the charges against Banton other than, “I can neither assume this is true, or not true.”

Before news of the show’s cancellation broke, Larabee said that the Pride Center would oppose the performance.

“We did get a communication from our sister organization out in California [the LA Center], and we think they made some wise choices in actions they took and we’ll be doing some similar things in Salt Lake City,” she said.

“I think the press release from the LA Center really says it all, and our sentiments echo theirs,” she continued.

“Particularly in a city like Salt Lake where we have so much going on with the LGBT community, this is something we can easily stand up against, and this will be one more thing to solidify the community.”

Upon learning of the cancellation, Larabee said that she was “very pleased to hear that the management of Urban Lounge has made this decision.” Q

Cleve Jones to Return to Utah Just four months after serving as the 2009 Utah Pride Festival Grand Marshal, activist and AIDS Quilt creator Cleve Jones will return to Salt Lake City for the Utah Pride Center’s fifth annual National Coming Out Day celebration.

During this year’s festival, Jones, an intern and friend of San Francisco supervisor and gay rights activist Harvey Milk, famously called for a large-scale march on Washington, D.C. to demand equal protections for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people under federal law. Now dubbed the National Equality March, it is scheduled to coin-

cide with National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11. Ostensibly because of his participation in the march, he will return to Utah Oct. 3–4 to give a keynote address at the Center’s National Coming Out Day celebration.

The celebration will also see the bestowing three awards administered by the Center for lifetime achievement, community organization of the year and volunteer of the year. The early celebration will also serve as a kick off for the national march.

To inquire about sponsorships or captaining a table at the celebration, contact Marina Gomberg at (801) 539-8800 ext. 20.

Matthew Shepard’s Mother to Visit Salt Lake City The mother of the college student who became the face of the gay rights movement after his murder in 1998 will speak in Salt Lake City for the first time Sept.

26 in the Salt Lake City Public Library Auditorium.

Shepard is the co-founder of the Matthew Shepard Foundation, an organization dedicated to diversity awareness, and gay and transgender equality. Her apJudy Shepard pearance is a joint project by the library, the Utah Pride Center and Sam Weller’s Bookstore. “We’re very excited to have her come,� said John Clukey, the bookstore’s events coordinator, who described Shepard’s appearance as the result of “a lot of emailing and due diligence and success with other events we’ve done.� “The West has a big spot in her heart and I think she knows the necessity of campaigning out here as well as in Washington [DC],� he said.

Jennifer Nuttall, the Utah Pride Center’s Adult Programs director, agreed

and noted Shepard’s importance to nationwide gay and transgender rights activism. “She’s been an amazing activist and I think she really touches people’s hearts,� she said. “This is a story people can relate to, and she goes a long way in changing the hearts and minds of the community.�

Shepard is the leading non-elected advocate of the Matthew Shepard Act, which would extend federal hate crimes protections based on actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender identity.

The bill passed the Senate in July and now awaits a house vote. She is also the author of The Meaning of Matthew, which recounts the days following her son’s murder and his elevation to gay rights icon over the past decade, her and husband Dennis’ struggle to bring his killers to justice, and her journey from small town mother to national gay rights activist. The book was released in August by Hudson Street Press, an imprint of the Penguin Group. It is available at Sam Weller’s, where it was the September selection of Queereads, the in-house gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender book club.

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Trans Woman Runs Against Nampa, Idaho Mayor Melissa Sue Robinson was once a Republican. She was once married. She also was once a man. She’s now running for mayor of Nampa, Idaho — the state’s second-largest city with a population of nearly 80,000.

Robinson says she has been warmly received by the voters in Nampa despite being transgender. She says her largest hurdle in this, her third, campaign is the fact that she has only lived in the town since last year.

In previous campaigns in Lansing, Mich., she was attacked by the farright group, Stormfront White Nationalist Community. However, voters in Nampa seem remarkably unconcerned about her gender history, she said.

Robinson told the Associated Press that she had not yet met a person she disliked in the city, adding “people are going to say I haven’t been here long enough, but if you get me behind the mayor’s desk I’m going to run this city.�

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She was born Charles Staelens Jr., an identical twin, and underwent gender reassignment in 1998. She, her twin brother and her ex-wife appeared on Oprah in 2005.

She has focused much of her campaign on taxes to support public transit and construction ordinances for the city.

She has also said she is aware that her candidacy may provoke some negative responses in the voting public, but plans to stand regardless.

Blogger Randy Stapilus described Robinson’s candidacy declaration a “provocation rather than substantial candidacy,� saying she has “not been active in civic life in Nampa, hasn’t been in the city long enough to get to know it [and] evidently lacks relevant experience at Nampa city hall.�

Robinson will be going up against the incumbent mayor Tom Dale in the November election.

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News Utah Pride Center Offers New Programs for Young and Old For several years the Utah Pride Center has offered an array of programs and activities for youth age 14-20, but comparatively few for senior citizens, or adults over 21.

But that is changing with the addition of three new programs to the Center’s calendar: Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders, OutLet and Expressiones.

SAGE is open to members of Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer community, age 50 or older. Its official kick off was held Sept. 12 on the Utah Pride Center’s back lawn, complete with food, cocktails and emcee Ruby Ridge overseeing the Goldie Awards, which were given to notable gay and transgender elders.

Center employees were also available to discuss SAGE’s upcoming programs and to answer questions.

“We’ve known for quite sometime that there hasn’t been any programming for the older segments of our community,” said Jennifer Nuttall, the Center’s Adult Programs director. “And elders have some unique concerns and needs which have been highlighted through research we’ve done, as well as concerns [specifically to being gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender elders].”

“Also, the statistics show that as Baby Boomers age, there will also be a boom of LGBT elders,” she continued. “A tidal wave is coming and we definitely want to be prepared for that.”

To help meet the needs of this swelling tide, SAGE will offer three events before the close of the year. On Oct. 21, David Turner of Salt Lake County Aging Services will host a dialogue discussion about how gay and transgender seniors’ needs match up with those of the national aging movement, and how they differ. On Nov. 18, the Center will host an estate-planning workshop geared to gay and transgender-specific concerns, such as putting the proper documents in place to assure that partners left behind have the maximum protection Utah law allows. In December, the Center is planning a to-be-determined service project for gay and transgender elders.

During the September lawn party, the Center also announced the preliminary results of its survey on aging, which it kicked off during June’s Utah Pride Festival and has made available on its Web site. In all, the Center has collected 165 surveys, which have given them not only a good picture of the elders they’re serving, but the elders they’re missing.

People who took the survey, said Nuttall, are largely affluent, healthy, mobile and employed, with access to health care.

“They’re not the really at-risk, needy population that you sometimes hear about,” she said. “We know [however] there are elders out there that are much more isolated, who aren’t going out to Pride or coming to the Pride Center ...

people who are homebound or in the closet, who have more risk and more need.” To meet their needs, Nuttall said the Center will work with Salt Lake County Aging Services to help identify these elders so they can offer help.

Nuttall is also hopeful that elders who participated in the survey will spread the word.

“It’s growing your own,” she said.

“We’ll be working with this population as we age together and have the resources in place so we can have a very well-educated community where growing older becomes a more supported process.”

The survey will remain open on the Utah Pride Center’s Web page, utahpridecenter.org, for the next few months, and all eligible Utahns are encouraged to take it.

While SAGE serves the community’s elders, OutLet and Expressiones are geared toward gay and bisexual men aged 18-30; the first is a more general group while the latter is specifically for Latino men (because of the scarcity of programs for gay and bisexual Latinos, this group is open to all regardless of age). The aim of both groups, said Rosy Galvan, the Center’s HIV prevention coordinator, is to empower men to protect

themselves from HIV and make healthy lifestyle choices by “getting together and changing social norms.” This approach, said Galvan, is what has become known as “empowerment intervention.” “[Several programs] realized through extensive research that traditional methods of HIV prevention like going to the bars and distributing condoms were ineffective to the younger generation,” she said. “They found they needed social spaces, so this intervention creates an environment where [the younger men] are the decision makers of the project.” This means, she said, that the core members of each group plan events like movie nights and even Easter Egg hunts that have “a safer-sex twist” to them. By focusing on members’ self-esteem and friendships, the hope is that they will not only be responsible for their own health choices, such as protecting themselves during sex, but encourage others in the community to do the same.

“It’s a fun way of learning more about sex and relationships, and extending the issue of safer sex beyond putting on a condom,” she said.

The programs are possible, said Galvan, because of a grant from the Utah Department of Health.

To learn more about OutLet or Expressiones, or about the Center’s free, confidential HIV testing on the second and fourth Wednesday of each month, call Galvan at 801-539-8800 ex. 23.

So. Utah to Hold AIDS Walk Southern Utah’s Tri-State HIV/AIDS Task Force will hold its 12th annual HIV/AIDS Walk this month in the trendy Coyote Gulch Art Village at Kayenta.

The theme of this year’s walk is “Sponsor a Test, Save a Life,” and participants are asked to contribute $11 — the cost of one HIV rapid test kit. The task force serves Southern Utah, and parts of Nevada and Arizona.

In an e-mail, Task Force President Chris Doss asked people to donate as much as they could, noting that the more money participants raise, the more times they will be entered into a drawing for the walk’s door prizes.

“I realize that in these touchy economic times $11 seems like a lot, but you can get your family, friends or co-workers to donate this to make it less of a burden on you,” he wrote. He urged community members “to help us continue free testing, education services and the ability to provide services to those in our community who are infected and affected by HIV/AIDS.” The task force is particularly in need of money because it receives no state or federal money and has not for the past two years. The Southwest Utah Public Health Department has not conducted HIV or STD tests for years. Its Web site refers those looking for them to St. George’s Planned Parenthood or to the

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task force, which gives free HIV tests at the Doctors Free Clinic on the second Saturday of each month and at certain events, such as World AIDS Day. In the past few years, Utah’s HIV infection rate has risen drastically, mirroring nationwide rates. According to the Utah Department of Health, HIV-infection rates jumped 200 percent between 1999 and 2006, and a further 16 percent in the previous year. Chlamydia and gonorrhea rates have also escalated, particularly among young women. The state’s populations that have seen the most dramatic increase in HIV infections are men who have sex with men, or MSMs. In May, the creators of GUS, a survey for gay and bisexual men designed by University of Utah researchers to help identify HIV risk factors among this population, had reported that two-thirds of new infections occur in MSMs. The Southern Utah AIDS Walk will be held Sept. 26 at the Coyote Gulch Art Village from 8:30–10:30 a.m. Free HIV and STD testing will be available and participants may also enjoy free coffee. For more information call (435) 669-8970.

The walk is sponsored by Equality Utah, the Community Counseling Center of Southern Utah, the Utah Department of Health, the Southern Utah Pride Foundation, Planned Parenthood and the ACLU of Utah.

Q mmunity Oktoberfest The women of sWerve are bringing Oktoberfest to Utah a few weeks early with their Oktoberfest party.

Join Utah’s social and civic group for lesbians and bisexual women for their biggest annual bash.

When: Sept. 19, 7 p.m.

Where: Chase Mill at Tracy Aviary in Liberty Park, enter at 900 S Cost: $10 or $25 for three people.

Walk for Life The Utah AIDS Foundation’s annual AIDS walk, Walk for Life, is fast approaching. Walkers may still register and are welcome to bring their dogs. This year’s walk will also feature Bike for Life, a bike ride along the same 22-mile course.

When: Sept. 19, 8 a.m. (registration), 9 a.m. (walk begins) Where: Liberty Park, 589 E 1300 S

PWACU BBQ The People With AIDS Coalition of Utah will hold its 11th annual End of Summer BBQ Bash, Sept. 20. To RSVP call (801) 484-2205.

So. Utah Town Hall Mtg Equality Utah and the ACLU of Utah will host a town hall meeting for residents of St. George and nearby towns to cover issues facing gay and transgender people in Southern Utah. It will also discuss Equality Utah’s Common Ground Initiative, a push for more gay and transgender-inclusive legislation which is specifically targeting municipalities.

Attendees will learn about laws at the state and federal levels that include, or don’t include, gay and transgender people, and a preview of bills that may appear during the 2010 Utah Legislative Session.

When: Sept. 25, 7–8:30 p.m.

Where: MOJO Underground Espresso Bar & Small-Batch Roaster, 1664 S Dixie Dr. in St. George.

Info: Anna Brower at 801-521-9862 or abrower@acluutah.org

Utah Cty Gay Discussion The ACLU of Utah and Utah Valley University’s Gender Studies Program will host “Beyond the Division,” a discussion about the needs of Utah’s gay and transgender community, Utah’s religious communities that don’t approve of non-traditional sexual orientations and gender identities, and how the two can coexist in peace, and find common ground.

When: Sept. 25, 1–3 p.m.

Where: Utah Valley Univ. Library, 800 W. University Pkwy Info: Anna Brower at 801-521-9862

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News

Lt. Dan Choi and Thea Hillman to Speak Out During UofU Pride Week The University of Utah will once again celebrate LGBT students, faculty and staff, and their allies during Pride Week: seven days of films, lectures and entertainment held around the campus, and open to the community at large.

The theme is “Justice for All ... If Not Now, When?” — a reference to the ongoing city, state and nationwide push for such rights as gay and transgenderinclusive employment nondiscrimination laws, hate crimes bills and gay marriage. Appropriately, many of the week’s events center on the political, including a screening of The Times of Harvey Milk, a documentary about the slain San Francisco supervisor and 1970s gay rights activist, and a Hinckley Institute panel on the 15th anniversary of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,’ the policy prohibiting gays, lesbians and bisexuals from serving openly in the military.

In fact, one high-profile victim of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ is scheduled to discuss the policy and the broader subject of gay and transgender rights. In March, Lt. Dan Choi, a founder of West Point Academy’s gay and transgender support group Knights Out, came out on the Rachel Maddow Show to challenge the policy as detrimental to the country’s armed forces. The military subsequently issued a letter of discharge to Choi, who has since taken the lead in urging President Obama to overturn the ban. The actual discharge, however, is still pending.

On Oct. 6, Choi will give a keynote address in the school’s Museum of Fine Arts Auditorium at 6 p.m. Cathy Martinez, the director of the university’s LGBT Resource Center, said that the school had been planning to bring Choi in since May. “We’re lucky to have him,” she said.

“He’s going to talk about his experience in the military and what it was like for him [when he learned] he’d be discharged from the military.”

Choi will also have breakfast with students, Oct. 7, from 9–10:30 a.m. “We set aside some time for that because we though it’d be important for the students to have time with him, to ask questions and get to know each other,” said Martinez.

Activist, performer and Lambda Award-winning author Thea Hillman will give a poetry reading Oct. 8 at 11:30 a.m. on the Student Union’s patio. Hillman has penned several books of poetry as well as the memoir Intersex (For Lack of a Better Word), and frequently performs in San Francisco’s Bay Area and around the country. She will also give the keynote address at the Gay-la dinner on Oct. 8, which will be held at the Marriot University Park, 480 Wakara Way, beginning at 6 p.m.

Another highlight of the week is the

LGBT Resource Center’s Safe Zone Training, held Oct. 5 from 9 a.m. to noon in Parlor B of the school’s Student Union Building.

“This is a three-hour training session that’s about building allies,” said Martinez, noting that the center has offered such sessions to other schools, businesses and even federal agencies over the years. “We go over terminology, like what does LGBTQQiA [queer, questioning, intersex and allies] mean, some of the history of the movement from the early 1900s to the modern gay movement, and [we do] some interactive experiences with people about myths and stereotypes of LGBT people, how to break those down and where they come from.”

As part of the session, Martinez

said that facilitators lead participants through a “forced choice exercise.”

“We ask people to choose one side or the other, based on what we ask,” she explained. “One example would be, ‘I would be totally OK if my child was LGBT.’ Some people want to explain themselves, like, ‘I would love my child regardless, but if they came to me and said they’re a lesbian, I might worry about how difficult that would be for them.’ And some people say it wouldn’t be OK regardless, based on their values.

We don’t try to change that, but we try to bring it to the surface so people can begin to think about it. [This exercise] can be a vulnerable thing for people, and we try to give them an idea of what it’s like for LGBT people if somebody confronts them to self-identify, or asks them questions like, ‘Are you married?’.”

There will also be plenty of fun and games to go around during the week.

Along with the Oct. 8 Gay-la, the school will also hold an Intercollegiate Pride

QSU Announces New Officers, Fall Happenings The University of Utah’s Queer Student Union is ready to go for the 2009-10 school year.

On Sept. 14 the group, with its four new officers, met for the first time, said Silence “Sy” Maestas, who shares the group’s presidency with Eduardo Galindo. The other officers are Vice President QSU Co-President of Member Relations Eduardo Galindo Wyatt Jensen and Vice President of Public Relations Alex Vander Veur. And they have some exciting plans for the fall semester.

“Coming up pretty soon is the intercollegiate dance for Pride Week [Oct. 3], and we’ve been networking with folks from Westminster and Salt Lake Community College in particular,” said Maestas. “But we’re hoping to get people from all over,” including Utah State, Utah Valley and Weber State Universities.

QSU, he added, is not only reaching out to other schools for things like the Pride Week dance, but to other student groups, particularly those under the auspices of the Center for Ethnic Student Affairs.

“One of the big things we’ve been pushing forward over the summer and have jumped on so far is trying to network with other diversity groups on campus,” such as Movimiento Estudiantil Chicana/o de Aztlan, the campus’ group for Chicana/o students, and the Asian-American Student Alliance.

“We’re trying to get involved with other diversity groups, get to know each other and attend each other’s events

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and hopefully do some service projects together in the future,” said Maestas.

“We really have an eye to opening up to other diversity groups because, unfortunately, there’s sometimes a divide and we’re working on bridging that.”

Bridging that divide, he added, is especially important for QSU members who are also ethnic minorities.

“Unfortunately [their needs] have been sometimes underserved,” he said.

“And that alienates a lot of people and alienates potential allies, so we’re working to correct that and to reach out that hand.”

As for specific events, the group has so far planned a meeting to discuss campus resources with members Sept.

21 and a kickball game Sept. 28, according to the QSU Facebook page.

In October, they are planning a “bring an ally” social, where each QSU member is encouraged to bring at least one “friend, family member or wellwisher” to meet the group.

“We do have a huge community that’s not just LGBT-identified people, but everyone who knows us,” said Maestas.

“Sometimes I think we feel too isolated, but if we can bring someone new to the social, I think we can see how diverse and numerous our community is and help other allies see that there are plenty of allies out there, and there’s nothing to be afraid of identifying as an ally.”

Also to encourage camaraderie among QSU members, the leadership is planning an informal, but powerful event around National Coming Out Day, which is observed annually on Oct. 11.

“Last year, we just kind of paired off or into small groups and told each other

Dance, Oct. 3 and a Pride Pet Show, Oct. 9.

The week also includes two theatrical performances. The first, Queer Voices, is a collection of monologues about queerness written by students and community members that organizers have been gathering since August.

“We didn’t define anything [when we made the call for submissions], we just said it’s an opportunity for students and community members to express whatever they want to about queer in some way,” said Martinez. “But when we read the stories to see if they fit together, they all did.”

The second performance will be a staged reading of The Laramie Project: 10 Years Later, an Epilogue, a new work by the Tectonic Theatre Project (who authored the original Laramie Project), exploring the cultural impact of Matthew Shepard’s murder 10 years later.

For a full schedule visit sa.utah.edu/lgbt.

our coming out stories,” he said. “It was real simple, but I think it helped everyone get to know each other. It’s such an important narrative in our community, and it’s what makes us who we are. We have to fight to arrive at self-awareness, and telling those stories is how we bond.

Hopefully this will make our new members [like freshmen and transfer students] feel integrated and more familiar with [members] who have known each other for several years.”

In November, QSU plans on inviting members from TransAction, the Utah Pride Center’s youth-lead transgender advocacy group, to do a presentation on “transgender issues and issues affecting the transgender community.”

“I’m looking forward to that,” said Maestas. “I’ve done some work with TransAction, and it’ll be a good chance to bring in some outside voices and raise awareness on these issues.”

And then there are those activities that members are planning themselves.

For example, Maestas said that a QSU student in the school’s nursing program would like to hold some “health, wellness and well-being” activities for members.

“He’d really like to bring discussion and information and activities to the membership body about topics like stress management, nutrition and activity level — just some basic wellness topics, but also talking about the issues that affect our community in a unique way. So things like getting along with family, coming out and dating relationships.”

Overall, Maestas said that the theme of this year’s leadership is “connection and reaching out” to the entire student body.

“We’re trying to be very visible on campus and to remind people in the greater Salt Lake area that we’re still here, we’re still active and going strong,” he said. Q

Gay Mormons to Hold National Conference in Salt Lake City In the last year, the Utah-based LDS Church has found itself at the center of a swirling storm over gay rights, thanks to its support for California’s Proposition 8, which re-banned gay marriage in the Bay State last November. Given the church’s position and the negative press it has received since, one might think that the scheduling of a conference for gay and lesbian Mormons just a short drive from the downtown LDS temple was a deliberate move. A protest against the church’s policies, perhaps, or a simple reminder that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Mormons are here, queer and not going anywhere?

Actually, it was just a coincidence.

“This is about the fifth time we’ve been here,” said David Melson, executive director of Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons, noting that the group’s leadership actually scheduled

the conference for Salt Lake City in 2007, at least a year before the California Supreme Court ruled that the state’s constitution did not prohibit same-sex marriage. “Washington, D.C., San Francisco, Los Angeles, Portland and Salt Lake City are our standard locations. It was kind of time.”

This year’s Affirmation conference will be held Sept. 18–20 at the University of Utah Guest House, 110 South Ft. Douglas. The three days of presentations, panels and entertainment promise to be one of the group’s most exciting conferences in recent memory, as well as one of their most diverse.

For a complete schedule of events, visit affirmation2009.com. Tickets to the Jason & deMarco concert may be purchased at the door or by calling Morgan Smith at (801) 580-0843.

Fabulous People David Nielson: Affirmation and Paradigm Shifts

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

O

Sunday evening David Nielson is busy with rehearsals for Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormon’s choir. But when QSaltLake calls him up, he ducks out of the room to talk. Now is the best time for it, he says, because as soon as the last note is sung, he’ll be busy stuffing program packets for this weekend’s Affirmation conference — no easy task given that the program’s truly gargantuan size.

“The program is 30 pages long, and every page is people and people and people,” he says. “People we’re having present, and perform and speak.

There’s so much programming, it was really probably too much to fit into two days, but we did it anyway. It’s just huge and the way it has all come together is miraculous.”

There’s definitely a touch of the miraculous in pulling off any large gathering, especially one as stuffed to the gills with lectures, discussions and pure fun as is Affirmation’s 2009 National Conference. But what makes Nielson’s work ne

for Affirmation all that much more astonishing is not only his youth (he is just 25), but that his service to Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community — and its LDS or formerly LDS contingent — began long before he ever sat down to hash out “all of the twitchy little details” of this year’s gathering.

Growing up in Taylorsville and Rose Park, Nielson attended East High, where he was part of the school’s gaystraight alliance. The club’s sponsors, Richard Teerlink and Paul Trane, he says, are still good friends and were “involved in my coming out process.”

Like many in his generation, Nielson came out before graduation.

“Once I told [my mom and dad], it was over and I was totally out,” he says. “They took it remarkably well.

I was very surprised. I think my dad was a little uncomfortable for awhile at first, but he’s become very supportive of me.”

After graduation, Nielson got a job sorting mail for the post office, which

he still holds. He also became involved with Reconciliation, a separate group from Affirmation that nonetheless shares a similar mission: bringing gays and lesbians with an LDS background together in a supportive environment.

“When I realized I wasn’t ever going to turn straight I started looking on the internet for dates and I found someone who listed himself as gay and Mormon,” explains Nielson. “And when I asked him how it worked out, he introduced me to Reconciliation. I was really into the church, so it was important for me to find organizations that would help me reconcile my spirituality with my sexuality.” From there, it was a quick jump to Affirmation, of which he is a member; and later, to leading Reconciliation when its former director departed.

“There’s been a bit of a dearth of leadership within the group, and I have big ideas for it, so when the previous director stepped down, I was just the next logical choice,” he says. “[But the group] basically runs itself most of the time.”

Nielson says his ideas and his willingness to volunteer also got him the job of running this year’s Affirmation conference — and completely by accident, too.

“Two years ago when we were in Washington, D.C. and Olin Thomas was [Affirmation’s] executive director, I happened to be in the room for an executive committee meeting that I wasn’t invited to, but they didn’t kick me out,” he says. As the committee discussed where to hold their 2009 conference, one of them noted that Salt Lake City — one of the regular host cities — was about due for its turn. “‘So, David, how are things in Salt Lake City for 2009?’” Nielson says one of the member asked. “And then the whole room turned to me and I responded enthusiastically. That’s how I got it.”

And while the job hasn’t been easy, particularly with a flurry of last minute registrations, Nielson says he gladly does it, and all of his work in Affirmation and Reconciliation, to help people whose struggles with Mormonism and sexuality are similar to his own, even though he no longer participates in the church and identifies himself as an atheist.

“I have learned to grant everyone the space they need to be where they are and there’s nothing wrong with believing different things,” he says. “It’s just a choice people make differently.”

“When you see someone have a paradigm shift, realizing that they’re inherent worth means they don’t have to put up with being abused, or that they can be their own source of power, that is so rewarding, that makes everything else worth it,” he continues. “All the work and the trouble and the drama — and we have a lot of it — is worth it to watch people have those paradigm shifts.” Q

Affirmation 2009 Conference Schedule Friday, September 18 2–5pm 3–7pm

Council of Chapter Reps Registration Open, Foyer Univ.

Guest House 5–6pm First Timers Orientation 5:30–7pm Gathering: Buffet Dinner & Socializing, Officer’s Club 8pm Jason & DeMarco Concert, Libby Gardner Hall

Saturday, September 19

Early morning Yoga 6:30–8am Breakfast, Guest House or on your own 8:15am Opening Plenary Session Marie Soderburg 9:15am Morning Workshops I:

• Clay Essig

• Sarah Jordan

• Joan & Bill Atkinson

Guest House Meeting Rooms 10:30am Morning Workshops II:

• D. Michael Quinn

• Lisa Diamond

• Carol Lynn & Emily Pearson

Guest House Meeting Rooms 11:45am Morning Workshops III:

• Connel O.Donovan

• Cathy Martinez

• Children of Gamofites

Guest House Meeting Rooms 1pm Luncheon

• Robert Kirby “A View From Over Here”

• Film Screening, Voicings 3pm Afternoon Workshops III:

• Voicings Q&A with Stephen Williams

• Chad Hardy: Men on a Mission

Guest House Meeting Rooms 4:30pm Affirmation Chorus Rehearsal Post Theater 7pm Awards Banquet

• Affirmation Writing Award

• Michael Farr Award

• Paul Mortensen Award

Sunday, September 20

6:30am

Early morning Yoga Breakfast, Guest House or on your own 8:30am Music & the Spoken Word

Depart 8:30am to Temple Square 11:15am Affirmation Devotional Post Theater 12:30pm Sunday Afternoon Luncheon

• Guest Speaker: Carl Sciortino, “What a Fabulous View We Have Here”

• Announcement of 2010 Conference 2:30pm Theater Reading by Plan-B Theatre, Borderlands 5pm Family Fellowship Forum

• “A Tribute to Our GLBT Children”

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Views

Letters Let Go of Prejudices Editor, I would like to reply to Mr. Michael Pierce’s letter [“Show Same Respect,” QSaltLake, Sept. 3]. Mr. pierce, let go of your prejudices! There are true Christians and hypocrites in this world. True Christians do not persecute anyone.

When the adulterous woman was taken to be stoned to death, it was none other than that mentor of Christians, Jesus, who rescued her and counselled her detractors not to judge. He would have done the same for a homosexual.

For the record I am both gay and Mormon.

Ivan Petrov

West Valley City

More Than a Gay Candidate Editor, It seems odd that Weston Clark, who is gay, does not know Stan Penfold [“Vote for Allies Too,” QSaltLake, Sept. 3].

Where has he been? I know both Stan and Lisa Allcott, and if I was in District 3, I would vote for Stan. He has been the executive director of [the Utah AIDS Foundation] for as long as I can remember.

He has developed programs, reached out to opponents of the gay community and spent countless hours fighting for us and people with HIV. Lisa has done many things, but there always seems to be an ulterior motive.

She was on the board of the Utah Stonewall Democrats for a year and expected us to endorse her for Salt Lake

County Chair even though she did little while on our board.

Also, do not disagree with her. I found that out when I endorsed a candidate other than the one she was backing.

Stan can work with those who disagree with him and in this state and city.

They far outnumber those who agree on our issues.

Signs of the Times

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One final thought: Does Weston believe that the gay community is that ignorant of issues and people that we vote only for gay candidates? It seems he is closed off from the reality of elections and issues facing the gay community.

Mike Picardi Salt Lake

Something you read make you gleeful?

QSaltLake welcomes letters from our readers.

Send your letter of under 300 words to: letters@QSaltLake.com QSaltLake reserves the right to edit for length or libel or reject any letter.

Q Street In this era of gay visibility on television, we asked:

â?? â??What is the Gayest Show on Television?

Tami Bowman Hansen What Would Brian Boitano Make? Why, you ask? Have you heard him speak or seen him in action with his limp wrists, lavender shirts and forced lisp here and again?

Douglas Cartier

Ann Kanrei Clark

Austin Kempton

Meredith Williams

Jaime C Franco

Glee! This show is a feel good about less popular kids in high school that want to be in Glee Club.

Very funny and heartwarming at the same time. There are many gay innuendos, but not mean or contrived.

The teacher for the club is wanting the kids to be their best and coaches them along. I think it will come out that some are gay, but the one kid in the club is gay and he is hilarious!

I think Spongebob Squarepants. First because I have young children, so I don’t get to watch regular TV. But, it is very well known that Spongebob is gay, though not quite out of the closet yet. Patrick really isn’t intelligent enough to know which direction to go in, but accepts Spongebob as he truly is, thus bringing about a great sense of acceptance and compassion in a society that hasn’t quite reached an understanding of that.

Project Runway for sure!

Well, really anything on Lifetime or Bravo. PR has the ultimate combination of fashion, flamers and Tim Gunn. It’s entertaining for all gays no matter where you fall on the butch/queen spectrum.

I think True Blood is the queerest show on TV, as a metaphor for queer citizenship. From the questions of “should vampires be allowed to marry?� to the rhetoric of “God Hates Fangs� it’s a great show about the outsiders!

Ultimate Fighting Championship! Hot, sweaty men wrestling in Kama Sutra-style positions wearing very revealing Spandex.

Other than the fact that they are pounding their opponents to be the top challenger (no pun intended), it’s very gay ... and HOT!

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Lambda Lore California Mormons and Gay Student Unions

by Ben Williams

T

I ever knew was a Mormon student who attended Cypress College in Orange County, Calif. It was 1971 and I really never knew any Mormons or gays before going off to college. This 18-year-old’s name was Kent Sandy Larsen and he took a perverse pride in the fact that his initials’ spelled KSL. Not until after moving to Utah did I realize why he had this affinity with these call letters.

Now, Kent was not only gay, he was a flamer. He was a fine arts major and was creative as all get out. I was a history major, but we were thrown together by Cypress College’s quirky decision to place all the humanities majors together in one building. He and I met in an art appreciation class taught by Terry O’Brien, who was a young and hot instructor, now living in Utah County. Kent informed me that O’Brien was also a Mormon. It was through my friendship with Kent that I discovered that there was a strong Mormon presence almost everywhere on campus; and I also learned that if Kent knew them, lavender was probably lurking nearby.

Kent Larsen and I became art locker mates and he first dropped his “hairpins” around me during a ceramic class we both were taking. Over a coffee break he confided in me that he was going through an identity crisis. He confessed that the love of his life was another Mormon with whom he had dallied all through high school. The romance ended when his love became Elder Farnsworth and decided to go on a mission. Kent was inconsolable.

I confided in Kent that I, too, had a secret love, but unlike his, it had been unrequited. But we both had labored at love, and lost, and along with the fact that we were just beginning our voyage into adulthood, this was enough to cement our friendship.

Kent’s mother was an old-fashioned, sweet, rhubarb pie-baking, coffeedrinking native of Ephraim, Utah.

Kent was her baby, and he had told her about his homosexuality after refusing to explain his absence from Gold and Green Balls any longer. Pained, she had written to Salt Lake City authorities for solace. She received none, and for some reason she decided I would be a confidant to whom she would pour he first openly gay person

out all her sorrows and disappointment in her church leaders’ silence. I think because I was not a Mormon and I was Kent’s friend, “Sister” Larsen felt she could open up to me knowing I would not judge her as harshly as her Mormon peers would. I was a gentile after all, so my opinion really didn’t matter, anyway. But unbeknownst to Kent’s mother, I too had homosexual tendencies. Perhaps she suspected it, having scrutinized her own son’s lack of female friends. Or maybe not. But from these kaffeeklatsches I developed an appreciation for rhubarb pie.

Kent Larsen was a very vivacious blond Mormon youth, and he attracted a following of fawning gay guys and less attractive straight girls. He was a road show of enthusiasm and even ran

In 1971 I barely acknowledged that I might have a tinge of pink in my nature. for student body president of our college house and won. It was through my friendship with Kent that I ventured timidly into the previously hidden portals of the homosexual world. Kent kept an entourage of drama students who were not only openly gay, but flaunting it. I was not, however, amused — still pretending I was just temperamental, not queer. In 1971 I barely acknowledged that I might have a tinge of pink in my nature.

In college, friendships often burn bright and fast and then burn out. I graduated with an associate degree from Cypress College with a skewed view of Mormons and homosexuality. I had this vague sense that since Mormonism was so quirky with notions of golden plates, lost tribes and polygamist pioneers, that its followers

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would also be quirky and cool with homosexuality. I based this on the fact that nearly every Mormon I knew at that time was gay.

Kent was a year behind me in college, and in the fall of 1971 I had transferred to Cal State Fullerton. Kent remained at Cypress to reign as queen, and I settled into the dorms at the university. There, my dorm mates were a hyper 17-year-old freshman jock and a 26-year-old Vietnam War navy veteran. The jock was trying to prove he was macho by binge drinking and fornicating with willing co-eds while my Navy mate, who looked like Robert Redford with his Sundance Kid mustache, used me to try and reacclimatize to civilian life. I was fascinated with them and we became really close as dorm mates can become. But I had a secret that, when revealed, turned our relationships topsy-turvy.

In August, before I transferred to Cal State Fullerton, a small group of Gay Liberationists had petitioned the Senate of the Associated Student Body for recognition of a Gay Student Union on campus. Only a handful of Gay Student Unions existed in 1970 — just one year after the Stonewall Rebellion — but by 1971 they were popping up all over the nation. The Senate of the Associated Students of CSF voted overwhelmingly to approve the club.

However, the president of the Associated Student Body was a Mormon named Brent Fairbanks Romney, and then as now, Mormons felt they had the right to press their ideology upon non-Mormons. So Romney vetoed the Senate decision on Sept. 11, 1971, thus squelching the rights of homosexuals on campus to organize their own club.

But while Romney managed to keep the Gay Student Union from being recognized as an officially sanctioned club, he was not able to keep gays from meeting.

In October 1971 I saw a flyer on a campus bulletin board amid all the calls for war protest rallies and consciousness raising. It detailed the meeting time and place for a clandestine Gay Student Union. For whatever reason the fates were prompting me; I knew that my destiny demanded that I had to attend, and I did. Screwing my courage to the sticking-place and hoping I would not fail, I walked into that college classroom where about seven souls had gathered to reclaim their lives and their choices. I felt at home for the first time in my life.

I never knew Brent Fairbanks Romney and he certainly never knew me. Why he felt he was entitled to dictate what I did with my life, I know not.

Looking back, I see that the Mormon Church was filled with more Brent Romneys then Kent Larsens. It is true even today. More’s the pity. Q

Snaps & Slaps SNAP: RescueMarriage.org California’s Proposition 8 is like a bad penny, or maybe a zombie attack; it keeps coming back and it just will not die. While the battle to send the measure back to the grave in 2010 rages on, John Marcotte is using humor to keep morale high.

His Web site, RescueMarriage. org, answers a question that some activists have mentioned during the Proposition 8 battle: Why don’t traditional marriage advocates lobby against divorce? Or, as Marcotte puts it, “Previous generations had it right. It’s better to stay together in a soul-sucking sham of a marriage, filled with icy silence punctuated with passive-aggressive hostilities, than to admit you might have made a mistake.” Cue networks across the country running the story on slow news days and plenty of ultra-conservative dittoheads and ultra-liberal dittoheads taking it seriously. While we’re not sure if the site itself or the comments about it on FreeRepublic.com are more funny, we appreciate its point about the hypocrisy and short-sightedness of Bible-thumpers who think protecting marriage means keeping gays out of it.

SLAP: To Our Community So this isn’t really a slap, but more a gentle tap on the nose. After last November’s protests and the January legislative session, we’ve all been a little lackadaisical when it comes to pushing for our rights — even during those kiss-ins. Now, it’s fine to take a break and recoup, as City Weekly said of us in one of its latest news stories, but we can’t afford to let that break turn into an extended holiday. On Sept.

21, DJ Bell goes to trial on child kidnapping charges that are, to put it mildly, dubious while the men who assaulted him and his partner still walk free and uncharged. Our community should show up at the Matheson Courthouse demanding justice, and show up every day until his trial ends. In July, Gena Edvalson lost the right to see her son after her ex-partner (his biological mother), hired the most notoriously anti-gay attorney in the state. The result? A ruling that co-parenting agreements are unenforceable. To protect our children, and the children of our gay and lesbian friends, we need to take this up with our legislators.

And then, of course, there’s the 2010 Legislative Session to plan for. Activism is hard and tiring work, especially when we all have busy lives. But it’s work we can’t ignore.

Ruby SAGE Stuffing

by Ruby Ridge

D

arlings, have you ever heard

that saying “growing old ain’t for sissies?” Well, I’m on a crusade to test its validity.

Last Saturday I hosted an event for the Utah Pride Center (I know, I know, I was as surprised as you are) for gay and lesbian folks who are over 50. It was the kick-off of a new program that the Center is developing for gay elders called SAGE (Am I the only person perturbed that the acronym also includes SAG and AGE? ), which is a social network for support, events and community service. I think it’s a great idea whose time has come.

If SAGE can build itself up like sWerve (which has become an invaluable resource for the women’s community), then I am very optimistic for the program in the long term.

I have to confess, petals, at one point in my life I never thought I would live to see 40, let alone 45 or beyond. I survived being a maelstrom of freshly-out-of-the-closet, sexuallyactive hormones through the 1980s and 1990s when AIDS was killing my peer group left, right and center. So many local characters, leaders and potential leaders of our community were taken out way before their natural time (and frankly, we still haven’t recovered from that void in the men’s community). I was volunteering in the AIDS arena, and it just seemed like everyone my age was coming down with HIV, or often at that time, full-blown AIDS. It was a dark, scary, fatalistic time, so the idea of settling down in some semblance of normality and eventually retiring rarely entered my head.

It wasn’t until I had gone through many years of periodic HIV testing and not sticking a knife into the toaster, as it were, that I realized maybe I wasn’t going to die prematurely (although if Aqua Net really is carcinogenic then I’m a goner!). Once you’ve had that internal “holy crap I might not die after all” discussion with yourself, you start pondering all sorts of important ques-

tions. Where do I want to grow old?

Who do I want to grow old with? How financially secure am I? How are my relationships with family? Who will have power of attorney over my medical decisions? And so on.

These are enormous questions that can’t be put off until the day you retire, or when you enter hospice. Which makes all of this Sarah Palin malarkey about Obama’s death panels drive me absolutely nuts.

But, petals, there is one group of guys that I am really worried about as they age. That’s the gay men about 30 to 65 years old who were victims of the LDS “get married, look normal, and pay your tithing” version of reparative therapy. Aside from losing a lot of their gay peers, so many of these guys went through failed marriages, ugly divorces, and estrangement from their kids and families, and then eventually left or were forcibly removed from the church of their upbringing (and what do people fall back on in their old age or during the terminal process? Their family and their faith). These folks are already isolated, so any attempt to build social support and advocacy for them is a completely worthwhile goal.

So, munchkins, check out the Utah Pride Center’s Web site and their e-mail blasts for upcoming SAGE events, and help spread the word to your friends, families and especially those homesteaders that you know who never go out. SAGE events and service projects could be a great way to reintegrate these folks back into the community.

They need to know we miss them and we need them!

Ciao, babies! Q

though, if Aqua net really is carcinogenic then I’m a goner!

You can see Ruby Ridge and the Matrons of Mayhem performing live, in all of their politically incorrect polyester glory every third Friday of the month at Third Friday Bingo, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E in Salt Lake City at 7:00 p.m.

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Governor Herbuttars!

by Bob Henline

U

tah ’ s

new governor , G ary Herbert, held his first official press conference August 27th.

Unfortunatelly for Utah, Herbert sounded more like Senator Chris Buttars than he did his predecessor, Jon Huntsman, Jr. Herbert, while stating “I don’t think we should discriminate against people� had insulted the intelligence of us all by following up with being “reluctant for anybody to be put into a protected class.�

Herbert’s approach: “We don’t have to have a rule for everybody to do the right thing. We ought to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.

Where do you stop? That’s the problem going down that slippery road. Pretty soon we’re going to have a special law for blue-eyed blonds.� Well, quite honestly, Herbert has a point. We ought to do the right thing, and we shouldn’t discriminate at any level, not even against blue-eyed blonds. Of course, it’s per-

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fectly OK to pass laws that ban things like texting while driving, but it’s not acceptable to go down the slippery road of protecting fundamental civil liberties for all.

Salt Lake City’s proposed ordinance does not create any “special rights� for members of the LGBT community, it merely codifies the fact that they are human beings, the same as the rest of us, and as such are entitled to the same protections under law. Given Herbert’s logic, we probably shouldn’t have

Herbert sounded more like Sen. Chris Buttars than Huntsman

passed the 14th, 15th and 16th Amendments to extend rights to people of color, nor should we have passed any of the ground-breaking civil rights legislation of the ’60s and ’70s, as that could be interpreted as creating a “protected class.� Forget the ADA or the 19th Amendment granting women that right to vote, just more protected classes.

It isn’t terribly difficult to see that discrimination happens in Utah. Members of the LGBT community are one of the last groups of people against which discrimination is still institutionally legal. Herbert’s statement that we ought to do the right thing is correct.

We ought to codify through our institutions that discrimination — in any form — is just plain wrong. At the end of the day we have to realize that people aren’t going to do the right thing just because it’s the right thing. There are times when government must step in and issue protections.

The Declaration of Independence states that in order to protect the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness “governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.� The very basis of American political values demonstrates that one of the primary purposes of government is to protect the liberties of the members of society.

It not only falls well within the right, but also the responsibility, of government to ensure those rights for all — equally.  Q

Creep of the Week Steven Anderson

By D’Anne Witkowski

P

op quiz.

Which sounds the most like you?

A. A vegan who eats bacon.

B. An adulterous politician who votes against gay marriage.

C. The person who believes in the death penalty for murderers and for homosexuals.

If you answered C, you’re probably Steven Anderson, pastor of Faithful Word Baptist Church in Mesa, Ariz.

You’re also ... well, crazy. And not, “Oh, he once ate an entire pizza then danced around in his boxers before puking and passing out” kind of crazy.

More like, “Oh, he thinks homosexuals should be executed because God says so” kind of crazy.

Granted, Fred Phelps has had the market cornered on this kind of crazy.

He’s hard to compete with. With all the press he gets whenever he trots out with

his day-glo “God Hates Fags” signs, he’s practically a celebrity.

But if Phelps is the Walmart of faghaters, consider Anderson a mom-andpop convenience store. Sure, he doesn’t reach as many people, but he carries a lot of the same stuff. And people are buying it.

In a recent sermon to his congregation, Anderson called for the death of homosexuals.

“The same God who instituted the death penalty for murderers is the same God who instituted the death penalty for rapists and for homosexuals — sodomites, queers!” Anderson ranted.

And why should homos be killed?

“Because the sodomites are infectious, that’s why,” he said. “Here’s a biology lesson: they’re not reproducers, they’re recruiters!”

Now, I know folks like Anderson hate

science, but I doubt even the staunchest of Creationists would call that a “biology lesson.” As for the old “recruiters” line, anyone who has ever spent time with gay people knows it’s a load of bull.

But Anderson believes, quite fervently, about the power of gays to get folks to play for the pink team.

“And you know who they’re after? Your children,” Anderson spewed.

“You drop them off at some daycare, you drop them off at some school somewhere, you don’t know where they’re at.

I’ll tell you where they’re at: they’re being recruited by the sodomites.

They’re being molested by the sodomites. I can tell you so many stories about people that I know being molested and recruited by the sodomites.”

Really? Can you now? Tell us so many stories? Let me guess: These “stories” are written down in your dream journal and hidden under your mattress.

According to Anderson, when gays aren’t busy raping children to turn them gay, gays are worshiping at the altar of Barney Frank who, it turns out, is

the person actually running this country. It’s Frank, he said, who wrote the bailout bill. It’s Frank who is turning this country Socialist and taking over corporations. Obama’s administration is just a puppet government for Frank’s Fag Regime, which is hellbent on turning the United States into One Fag Nation Under One Fag God (I’m paraphrasing, but Anderson’s actual words are far less civil).

“You want to know why sodomites are recruiting?” Anderson asked. “Because they have no natural predators.”

He’s right. Don’t get me wrong — I’d definitely put him in the predator category. But I’d hardly call his lunatic ranting and raving against gay people “natural.” Q

And you know who they’re after? Your children

D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister and teaches writing at the University of Michigan.

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Who’s Your Daddy?

Like Father, Like Son

by Christopher Katis

S

omeone once asked my dad if he

ever regretted having six kids.

I’m not sure what the guy expected him to say. Maybe he figured being a father is like getting a new car: You can have buyer’s remorse.

But I can see where this man was coming from. He and his wife didn’t have children, and they led a very different life than my parents. My parents didn’t visit exclusive spas, dine at four-star

restaurants, or have a home filled with fragile, irreplaceable antiques. No, my mom and dad ate at Bob’s Big Boy and had a home filled with half a dozen loud, rowdy kids.

So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised when people ask me if I regret becoming a father. What I do find surprising is that the question mostly comes from straight people.

And I think I’ve finally figured out

why. To quote a former colleague of mine, “Now you’ve got kids, you’re barely even gay anymore.”

This revelation came during a staff meeting where several people were talking about a particularly notorious local gay bar. I had no idea it even existed.

David was right; I am barely gay anymore.

Before Gus and Niko came along, I was a perfectly respectable homosexual. My buddies and I would regularly go bar hopping. Kelly and I marched in several Pride parades. There’s even photographic evidence of me protesting against DOMA. Then I became a dad.

Suddenly, I am scheduling play dates, taking kids to the pediatrician and driving something frighteningly similar to a minivan. (It’s a crossover, NOT a minivan, dammit!) All because my kids need these things.

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We missed Pride this year. Instead we stayed home, battling the boys’ colds. So even though a little rain fell on the merrymaking, I still think it was far less liquid than what poured out of their noses.

We never accept the standing invitation from my friend Tom and his partner Colby to join them and a house filled with mostly gay men for their regular Saturday night cocktail social. The boys would be bored.

Then there’s the damage the boys have done to my sex life. How many gay men do you know who have to plan ahead to get laid by their own partner? The very guy sleeping on the other side of the bed!

Inevitably, there’s a little body between us, or someone bounds into our bedroom, asking about breakfast.

Seriously, if we as a community ever want to change the opinion of religious whackos that all gay men are a bunch of oversexed perverts, I suggest they make a fieldtrip to my bedroom. A couple of wannabe oversexed perverts, maybe, but after more than 20 years together and two kids, what they’d find is the two of us snoring away next to each other.

But the fact that there’s someone to snore next to makes all the difference in the world. We’re a team. One of us can get the boys ready for bed while the other finishes the mountains of laundry — one of the things no one tells you about having kids is that there is a never-ending stream of laundry.

I cannot imagine what it must be like for single parents like my friend, Brett, who’s raising his 12-year-old niece. When I asked him what was the most difficult part about being a single gay parent he immediately reminded me he hasn’t had a date in two years. By the time he’s finished with everything that needs to be done, he said he’s just too tired to put himself out there on the market.

What I’ve discovered from all this complaining is that my siblings’ taunts are true: I am becoming my dad. A taller, gay version of him, anyway. I’m sure he didn’t want to see The Apple Dumpling Gang with me any more than I wanted to see G-Force with my boys. But we both went. (Actually, since The Apple Dumpling Gang is sort of a Western, he probably did want to see it.)

But I’m certain that the births of his six children changed his view of himself and dramatically altered his priorities.

Just as the adoption of my two kids has changed my self-perception and altered my priorities.

What I need to keep reminding myself is that reading Thomas the Tank Engine books, watching Kung Fu Panda, and playing with Hot Wheels will never change the fact that I am a gay man.

Nothing I do for my kids ever will.

By the way, my dad didn’t hesitate when answering the question about whether he regrets having all us kids.

He simply replied that he wouldn’t trade even one of his children for anything in the world. Neither would I. Like father, like son I suppose. Q

I

AT

Ruth Sharing the Kim-Joy

by Ruth Hackford-Peer

’ve said before that if i knew how to have a nervous breakdown, I would. Some days, it feels like the only reason I haven’t is that it’s another thing I just can’t accomplish. Much like many details of my life, I just can’t get to having one. Perhaps a nervous breakdown does sound like a nice vacation. Although, I would prefer to take my break from reality on a beach in warm weather, but a padded room where I can rock freely does have its appeal. So there it sits on my unfinished to-do list: “have a nervous breakdown,� right next to “get prescription cost reimbursed� and “return library books.�

Of course I’m only joking. Still, I feel a rush of guilt just writing this, as if someday my boys will read this and realize that Mommy Ruth didn’t cherish every moment of their childhood like she’s supposed to.

Mommy Kim, on the other hand, has just as many things on her to-do list (and probably more since item number one reads, “write a dissertation�), and she trudges through them one at a time, never letting on that there are other things she’d rather be doing. She makes cooking and laundry and dishes and gardening fun.

She literally whistles while she works, and the boys line up, wanting to help.

She makes them feel important. Casey’s grin of accomplishment when he does something as simple as matching a pair of socks when helping with laundry is the only reward she needs. I can only hope that I make them feel important, too. It just isn’t as natural for me.

The truth is that I do cherish every moment of the boys’ childhood, and that is part of the reason I can’t get everything done. I am getting better — much better — at letting the things that don’t really matter, sit. Those are the things that will be there tomorrow.

As much as I’ve enjoyed writing this column the last couple of years, time is the commodity I just don’t have enough of. So for me, for now, I’m going to let this sit, too. But I have a small piece of unfinished business I need to attend to before I go.

I started writing this column right after Casey was born, and when Riley was a cross-dressing preschooler. Casey is now a preschooler himself and Riley is ruling the second grade in traditional

male dress. I’ve written about the joy, the fun, the lessons and the lives of these boys. I’ve written about being queer in Utah. I’ve written about schooling and working, activism and life, but I don’t recall ever really writing about Kim. As is often the case, she blends into the background of many of these columns. She’s the one in class who isn’t the first to talk, or even the second, or even the third. But when she speaks she has something important to say, and the babbling verbal processors like me at the front of the class really should listen more. I’ve decided that this is going to be my last column, and it is only fitting to dedicate it to Kim, for without her, I wouldn’t have been able to write these vignettes the last few years.

For those of you who don’t know her, Kim has worked tirelessly to complete a doctorate in education while never putting her family behind her work, her school or her research. She has mastered the evening routine of cook — eat — clean — bathe — homework — boys to bed, and then she starts in on her own to-do list. She doesn’t sleep nearly enough as she should and she doesn’t get nearly as much respect and thanks as she deserves. She’s a teacher and a learner and a motivator and a believer. Did I mention that she’s cute and sexy and sassy besides? I am considering going back to school next year, once Kim is finished with her program. What a role model I have to follow. I can only hope I keep my priorities and values in line as well as she has. Next month we will be celebrating 13 years together — Kim’s favorite number — so the boys and I are excited to make this year even better than the last 12.

So while the family seems to be at the end of a very long race; if all goes well, I’ll be starting the marathon all over again. But I know I will have the easier path, for I have Kim running alongside, whistling with joy and reminding me to have fun. Thank you.

Speaking of thanks, QSaltLake would like to thank Ruth for her hard work and her funny, touching and always excellent writing for us over the years. We wish her and Kim a happy 13th anniversary and many more happy anniversaries to come. We’ve loved working with you, Ruth, and we’ll miss you. Q

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Since there was such a

Many gay former Mormons have found that simply leaving the church behind thing as a gay and lesbian and working through feelings of disgust community, tension for the religion was enough, even rolling their eyes at those gay people still has existed between the within the church trying to live their community and the Church lives within its religious boundaries.

But then came Californiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Proposiof Jesus Christ of Latter-day tion 8, where the church wielded its poSaints; or, perhaps more litical muscle and successfully reversed gay marriage in the state only months accurately, church leaders. after it was declared legal by the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2 2 â&#x20AC;&#x201A; | â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q S a l t L a k e â&#x20AC;&#x201A; | â&#x20AC;&#x201A; i s s u e 1 3 7 â&#x20AC;&#x201A; | â&#x20AC;&#x201A; S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9

Supreme Court.

The war was on.

Now, gay former Mormons, and a growing list of non-gay current Mormons, were up-in-arms that the church was being too heavy-handed against gays.

In a recent letter to the editor, the writer said he left the Mormon Church because I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like the way he was treated. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Now here I am still being told by the church what I can and cannot do. I just want them out of my life.â&#x20AC;?

Exaltation

Same-sex marriage hits at the heart of Mormon theology, said Terryl Givens, a professor of literature and religion at the University of Richmond. According to the church, couples married in a Mormon temple remain wedded for eternity and can give birth to spirit children in the afterlife. Most importantly, Mormons must be married to achieve â&#x20AC;&#x153;exaltationâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the ultimate state in the afterlife. Mormons also believe they retain their gender in the afterlife.

“This all explains the Mormon difficulty with homosexuality,” said Givens. In a theology based on eternal gender, marriage and exaltation, “same-sex attraction doesn’t find a place.”

Former church president Spencer W. Kimball said, “Homosexuality is an ugly sin, repugnant to those who find no temptation in it, as well as to many past offenders who are seeking a way out of its clutches. ... All such deviations from normal, proper heterosexual relationships are not merely unnatural but wrong in the sight of God.” This is not to say that LDS perceptions may not change. In its early years, the church clearly taught that exaltation was dependent not just on marriage but on plural marriage. Clearly, the modern church has rejected this notion with its focus on the nuclear family and active opposition to the practice of polygamy.

‘Same-Sex Attraction’ Church leaders rarely mention the words “gay” and “lesbian,” unless preceded with the term “so-called.” Leaders believe that gays and lesbians are “afflicted” with “same-sex attraction,” even using the acronym SSA to describe homosexuality. This term tends to reduce a person’s sexuality to an illness or affliction that can be overcome.

Indeed, the church has poured a great deal of resources into therapies to rid gay people of their sexual desires.

Electro-shock Therapy

As late as 20 years ago, the church counseled men with homosexual tendencies to participate in shock-aversion, vomitaversion and other heinous experimental therapies.

At church-owned Brigham Young University, Dr. D. Eugene Thorne, head of BYU’s Psych Department, oversaw doctoral student Max Ford McBride in his Ph.D. dissertation involving experiments on gay men using gay and straight pornography with electricshock therapy. The study started out with 16 gay male BYU students and

staff, but two committed suicide during the experiment, so the study ended up with 14 subjects.

In Legacies, a documentary by Sean Weakland, a man who was a BYU intern during the experiments, described how the experiments were conducted.

“We would tape electrodes to their groin, thigh, chest and armpits. We had another machine that would monitor their breathing and heart rate. If there was a difference in their heart rate when looking at homosexual pornography, we would turn a dial which would send a current to shock them. If they were a new patient, we would use a very low current. From the reaction that I saw there were muscle spasms which looked very painful.

“After that was over, we would switch the pornography over so that it was a man and a woman having sex, and we would play very soothing music in the background to try and get the mind to relate to that. For the people that had been doing the therapy longer, we turned the voltage way up so that you could see burn marks on the skin and quite often they would also throw up during the therapy. This is speculation, but most of the students at BYU probably hadn’t even seen pornography before [this experience].”

Another LDS-approved psychologist, Robert Card, used these techniques well past the time of the study, even though the results had proven a failure. In 1985, Card accepted an invitation to speak at the University of Utah’s Gay Student Union, where he admitted that he practiced electro-shock therapy, but said he had abandoned it and was not using biofeedback therapy in an effort to reduce homosexual feelings. He was silent on whether he had success in introducing heterosexual feelings afterward.

Church-Endorsed Gay Marriages

Also as late as 20 years ago, church leaders counseled “struggling” gay men to marry and their “problem” would be solved.

“Mormonism teaches that any sacrifice is worthwhile for service to God and the LDS Church. Spencer W. Kimball’s 1969 Miracle of Forgiveness instructed each homosexually inclined male to just forget his desires and ‘force himself’ to date the opposite sex and marry a woman in one of the sacred temples ‘for time and eternity,’” said D. Michael Quinn in a presentation at this year’s Sunstone Symposium. “In 1971, the church officially published his pamphlet “New Horizons for Homosexuals” (later called “A Letter to a Friend”), which had a section titled “Multiply and Replenish,” as a step in repenting from homosexual activities.”

Such counsel wrought broken families and worse.

In 1987, President Gordon B. Hinckley renounced Kimball’s teachings in Ensign, the church’s official magazine: “Marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic

step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or behavior.”

Evergreen

“If you want to diminish your samegender attractions and avoid homosexual behavior, there is a way out,” leads the Evergreen International Web site, which was heavily revamped after church leaders softened their tone of the cause of homosexuality and the ability for a person to change.

“Same-sex attraction is one of life’s many challenges,” the site continues.

“People can overcome homosexual behavior and diminish same-sex attractions. God expects us to be chaste and reserve sexual activity to the bonds of marriage between a man and a woman.”

Though the LDS Church claims that Evergreen is a completely separate, stand-alone organization, many Evergreen chapters use church facilities for meetings, and local leaders of some chapters are “called” to serve by the church. Since the church does not release financial records and Evergreen is not required to list where it receives its funding, it would be nearly impossible to prove a financial link.

Many church leaders, including some at the highest levels, address Evergreen’s annual conference, held at the church-owned Joseph Smith Memorial Building.

Many other “Ex-Gay” organizations are run by those who belong to the LDS religion, including NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality), People Can Change, the Center for Gender Wholeness and War Against Same-Sex Marriage.

Gay Marriage

sands of dollars in additional expenditures in Prop. 8.

Karger says the church “has been leading the national crusade against same-sex marriage since President Gordon B. Hinckley issued such a proclamation in 1988. The church showed just how effective it could be beginning in Hawaii in the mid-90s all the way through to California’s Proposition 8 in 2008. They were involved to some degree with all 30 state elections outlawing same-sex marriage.”

Karger insists that the church founded the National Orgazation for Marriage, which has been fighting (and losing) gay marriage battles in several states. Last month he filed a complaint in Maine that organizations fighting against gay marriage were “money laundering” and not revealing who their donors were. He believes it will be revealed that the LDS Church will be revealed as major donors in those fights as well.

Interracial Marriage

Proposition 8 was not the first gay marriage battle in which the LDS Church involved itself. In Hawaii, its Supreme Court had ruled that the state’s ban on same-sex marriage “denies same-sex couples access to the marital status and its concomitant rights and benefits.”

The church had then poured hundreds of thousands of dollars into a successful campaign to change the state’s constitution, asking the Catholic Church to take the lead because of PR problems with attaching their name to it.

Then last year, the church called on its members to work for California’s Proposition 8 to ban the then-legal same-sex marriages in the state. And this year, activists believe, the church has been involved in Ohio, Maine, New Hampshire and other states.

Californians Against Hate founder Fred Karger began a one-man crusade to reveal the depth that the LDS Church is involved in organizations fighting gay marriage. After filing a complaint against the church with the California Fair Political Practices Commission, church leaders filed a revised financial statement with the state, showing thou-

There are interesting parallels between the current fight against gay marriage and the fight against interracial marriage 50 years ago.

LDS Church leaders were long against interracial marriage as well, beginning with Joseph Smith.

“Had I anything to do with the negro, I would confine them to their own species,” Smith wrote according to Mormon Hierarchy: Origins of Power author D. Michael Quinn.

“LDS doctrine and practice maintained that civil marriages specifically between blacks and whites were categorically prohibited, were unnatural and contrary to God’s law, would never be acceptable within the LDS; they were deeply offensive to social norms and if allowed to be performed, would lead to the destruction of not just society but indeed humanity,” wrote Connell O’Donovan in a paper about Mormons, and black and white marriage.

William I. Appleby, president of the church’s eastern states mission, in his autobiography tells of a time when he called on an LDS couple living in Bos-

—Continued on page 24

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Feature â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Culture Wars â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Continued from page 23

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ton, only to find that the husband was black and the wife white. He writes in his journal, berating the woman: Oh! Woman, thought I, where is thy shame, (for indeed I felt ashamed and not only ashamed, but disgusted, when I was informed they were both members of a Church!) [Where is] Respect for thy family, thyself, for thy offspring and above all the law of God? In the early 1960s, as the black civil rights movement was beginning to take hold, church president and prophet Ezra Taft Benson, according to the Deseret News, said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The whole slogan of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;civil rightsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; as used to make trouble in the South today, is an exact parallel to the slogan of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;agrarian reformâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; which they [Communists] used in China. ...

The pending â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;civil rightsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; legislation is, I am convinced, about 10 percent civil rights and 90 percent a further extension of socialistic federal controls. ... It is part of the pattern for the communist take-over of America.â&#x20AC;?

The U.S. Supreme Court decision in Loving v. Virginia in 1967 nationally ended bans against interracial marriage.

It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until 1978 that President Spencer W. Kimball lifted the ban on blacks serving in the priesthood and that the church would marry mixedrace couples in their temples.

Mormon Church and Change Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Donovan wrote in his paper that LDS doctrine and practice maintained that civil marriages specifically between blacks and whites were categorically prohibited, were unnatural and contrary to Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s law, would never be acceptable within the LDS Church (or if so, only in some future eschatological period); they were deeply offensive to social norms and if allowed to be performed, would lead to the destruction of not just society but indeed humanity.

To drive his point home, he restated his paperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s conclusion, but tweaked a few words: â&#x20AC;&#x153;LDS doctrine and practice maintains that civil marriages of same-sex couples are categorically prohibited, are unnatural and contrary to Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s law, will never be acceptable within the LDS Church; they are deeply offensive to social norms and if allowed to be performed, will lead to the destruction of not just society but indeed humanity.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;In 1963 Utah finally accepted legalized black-white inter-marriage and then in 1978 the LDS Church accepted it doctrinally (although begrudgingly) and black-white sealings are now performed in temples across the world.

And the prophesied divine retribution and utter destruction of society and humanity have not happened,â&#x20AC;? wrote Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Donovan.

What do the Gays Want?

At least one Web site has been developed that is offering the church a way out of this â&#x20AC;&#x153;war.â&#x20AC;? LDSApology.org is looking for a reconciliation between the gay community and the LDS Church. â&#x20AC;&#x153;True reconciliation requires that parties on both sides of this issue be willing to honestly examine their attitudes, behaviors (including past behaviors), policies and practices â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and be open to understanding, forgiveness (both asking for and accepting), and apology,â&#x20AC;? the online petition states.

The petition asks leaders to examine â&#x20AC;&#x153;the ways in which official statements, rhetoric, policy and practice have been injurious to gays and lesbians and their families and friends; have caused unnecessary pain and suffering, rejection, psychological and spiritual damage and even death.â&#x20AC;?

It also asks that the church acknowledge the harm done by â&#x20AC;&#x153;reparative, revulsion and shock-therapiesâ&#x20AC;? and calling homosexuality an â&#x20AC;&#x153;evil perversion, a condition that is chosen and changeable and one that can be overcome through fasting, prayer, sacrifice and heterosexual marriageâ&#x20AC;? is hurtful.

Some are even more direct.

Activist Troy Williams, who calls himself a queer Mormon, offered up the four Râ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s of repentance at a rally instigated by a kiss on the church-owned Main Street Plaza that turned to a scuffle with church security.

He said that the church needs to Recognize that they have hurt people. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The LDS leadership has consistently lied about who queers are. Spencer Kimball described homosexuality as a slippery slope toward bestiality. Boyd K. Packer advocated physical violence against gays. BYU electrocuted us.

Bishops counseled gay men to marry straight women,â&#x20AC;? he said.

He also called for Remorse. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mormons know what itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like to be persecuted, mobbed, killed and driven across the country. Mormons were hated just for being different. Mormons, of all people, ought to feel empathy for the plight of another stigmatized minority.

Shame on you if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t.â&#x20AC;?

He then called for Restitution. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll start with a public apology. After which, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll close down Evergreen.

And finally, you will use your influence to encourage the Utah Legislature to pass the Common Ground Initiative this January. That would make a good start.â&#x20AC;?

And lastly, he called for leaders to Resolve to â&#x20AC;&#x153;never sin again.â&#x20AC;?

He said that once that has happened, â&#x20AC;&#x153;we queers will forgive them and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll go our way in peace. We wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ask to get married in their temples. We wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t launch any political campaigns to strip away their rights. And we wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make fun of them for eating at ChuckA-Rama.â&#x20AC;? Q

2 4 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 3 7 | S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9

S 18 - 19 | 8  A H gZVi]iV`^c\

Seattle Times

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Wheeling News Register

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Jerry Steichen, Conductor

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Season Sponsor:

S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9 | i s s u e 1 3 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 2 5

Arts & Entertainment

24

thursDAY — RirieWoodbury Dance Company opens their season with Equilibrium. In the spirit of television dance competitions, you’ll have the chance to vote for your favorite local choreographer; Karole “Punk Ballerina” Armitage, a New York choreographer nominated for a 2009 Tony award, will present her latest world premiere; works by Carolyn Carlson and Charlotte Boye-Christensen.

7:30pm, through Saturday, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $30, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

Gay Agenda Cirque Saint Des Temps Modernes

by Tony Hobday

Over Labor Day weekend I once again went camping with a horde of lesbians and only one other guy, who was sexting every Weber County fag within a one-mile radius of us. It was sick ... and kind of hot. Anyhoo, camping with lesbians is like camping with Julia Child — there’s more delicious food to be had than at a French wedding. Plus, a lesbian can build a bonfire in less time than fags can sext each other.

18

FRIDAY — I can’t believe classic symphony is getting into the circus act — elephants standing on beach balls and playing trumpets, fire-eating bearded ladies on the triangle ... it’s all too surreal. Anyhoo, Utah Symphony presents Cirque de la Symphonie.

You’ll be delighted as aerialists (monkeys) fly overhead, and acrobatic feats are performed to classical masterpieces and memorable contemporary music.

8pm, through Saturday, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple.

Tickets$27–58, 801-355-ARTS or arttix. org.

QQ In conjunction with Beauties and Beasties — an art exhibit featuring local artists Julie Lucus and Heather Wunderlich — is a Deconstructress Designs Fashion Show. With Halloween just around the corner, this fashion show can help you choose the perfect costume couture — like the Corpse Bride or Steampunk Fairy or Gothic Ballerina.

6–9pm, Utah Arts Alliance Gallery, 127 S. Main St. Free, the art exhibit runs through Oct. 3, 801-651-3937 or utaharts.org.

QQ Time to dust off your Hannah Montana lunchbox, clean out your man purse, forget to buy a highlighter (so you can use the hot boy’s sitting next to you) and hit Third Friday Bingo. This month’s theme is “Back to School,” and proceeds go to the UofU’s Gay and Lesbian Resource Center.

But be good or Ruby will pull out her

wooden paddle — her husband Dick loves it!

7pm, First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East.

Bingo cards $5/first–$3/addtl, utahpridecenter.org.

25

fridaY — Pioneer Theatre Company opens the 2009-10 season with a production of the nine-time Tony award-winning musical A Chorus Line. Seventeen Broadway dancers auditioning for spots on a chorus line don legwarmers and perfect their combinations for a chance at stardom. The audition takes a personal turn as they are asked to reveal their individual stories — ranging from funny to wrenching.

7:30pm, through Oct. 10, Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $30–49, 801-581-6961 or pioneertheatre.org.

19

saturDAY — Lambda Hiking Club’s season is winding down, so this is your chance to lose those extra pounds before hibernation sets. One of their most difficult hikes is a 5,000-foot incline along Lone Peak Cirque, a granite steep-wall route that features great views of the Utah Valley and the Lone Peak wilderness. Be prepared for changing weather conditions, and take plenty of water.

6:30am, group will meet at Albertson’s, 1212 Draper Pkwy, Draper. Free, 801-485-5654 or gayhike.org.

QQ One of the biggest events of the year is sWerve’s annual and infamous Oktoberfest. This year’s crazy-ass party is held at Chase Mill.

Swill steins of German beer, devour traditional Bavarian cuisine like bratwurst and sauerkraut, and dance the Polka with some of the most entertaining lesbians from the land of Sandy, Utah.

7pm, Chase Mill at Tracy Aviary, 589 E. 1300 South. Suggested donation $10, swerveutah.com.

QQ Everybody can take a breath now, Gene Gieber’s made it through to another birthday ... whew! Join him in celebration, along with cute boy Akeem, at Club Try-Angles’ infamous Underwear Party. Word of advice though: Don’t get Gene underwear for his birthday, they rarely last more than a week. However, he does need more T-shirts advertising unsavory sexual innuendos.

20

sundAY — Eric Samuelsen wrote a play about coming out, but “not in the usual sense.” In Borderlands, the one gay character is already out. The play is actually about all the other ways Mormons come out: admitting they don’t necessarily believe what

2 6 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 3 7 | S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9

26 they’re supposed to believe, or they don’t always find it possible to live the way they’re expected to live.

Learn more about it at this reading during the Affirmation Conference.

2pm, Post Theatre, 245 S. Fort Douglas Blvd., UofU. Tickets $15, benefitting Affirmation, 801-297-4200 ext. 1 or jerry@ planbtheatre.org.

21

mondAY — Currently 43 percent of Utah’s homeless youth are self identified as LGBT individuals. In Utah there is no shelter specifically for homeless youth. The Homeless Youth Resource Center is the only organization providing services specifically and exclusively to this population. Tonight, the Foundation for Reconciliation/LDSapology.org sponsors Home at Last, an interfaith benefit concert for this center. Please support this important cause.

7pm, Holladay United Church of Christ, 2631 E. Murray-Holladay Rd. Tickets $6–12, ldsapology.org.

saturDAY — Since her son’s death, Judy Shepard has become the beloved face of LGBTQ rights. In her book The Meaning of Matthew, Shepard confides in readers about how she handled the crippling loss of her child in the public eye and specifically of learning to distinguish between her son as the person and the symbol, why she became a gay rights activist, and the challenges and rewards of raising a gay child in the United States today.

7–9pm, Salt Lake Main Library, 210 E. 400 South. Free, 801-359-8800 or utahpridecenter.org.

QQ Sexy frontman Brandon Flowers takes the stage with the rest of The Killers tonight. The Grammy-nominated alternative rock/post-punk four-man band is sure to kill. No pun intended ... oh, pshaw! Here’s a wikipedia fact: Initially, The Killers played at small clubs in Las Vegas, Nev., where they often played at drag shows. How cute is that?

7:30pm, E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Dr. Tickets $31.50–37.50, 800-745-3000 or ticketmaster.com.

UPCOMING Events OCT. 24 NOV. 3 NOV. 20 NOV. 21

David Sedaris, Capitol Theatre Five for Fighting, State Room Elton John & Billy Joel, ESA Kathy Griffin, Abravanel Hall

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Brandi Carlile Gives it Up

by Tony Hobday

I

haven â&#x20AC;&#x2122; t been terribly impressed

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2 8 â&#x20AC;&#x201A; | â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q S a l t L a k e â&#x20AC;&#x201A; | â&#x20AC;&#x201A; i s s u e 1 3 7 â&#x20AC;&#x201A; | â&#x20AC;&#x201A; S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9

ď&#x20AC;&#x2021;ď&#x20AC;&#x2021;ď&#x20AC;&#x2021;ď&#x20AC;&#x2039;ď&#x20AC;&#x201C;ď&#x20AC;&#x2C6;ď&#x20AC;&#x201D;ď&#x20AC;&#x201E;ď&#x20AC;?ď&#x20AC;&#x152;ď&#x20AC;?ď&#x20AC;&#x2019;ď&#x20AC;&#x17D;ď&#x20AC;&#x2030;ď&#x20AC;&#x2026;ď&#x20AC;&#x17D;ď&#x20AC;?ď&#x20AC;&#x2018;ď&#x20AC;&#x2022;ď&#x20AC;&#x2026;ď&#x20AC;&#x201E;ď&#x20AC;&#x2019;ď&#x20AC;&#x2039;ď&#x20AC;&#x2019;ď&#x20AC;&#x17D;ď&#x20AC;&#x2018;ď&#x20AC;&#x2020;

with The Depot as a music venue since its opening in 2006; the design isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t all that feng shui, if you will, for high-quality concert entertainment.

The view of the stage from the upper level is hindered by a railing supporting the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;VIPâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; area, which holds the majority of the tables in the entire venue â&#x20AC;&#x201D; yet these tables cost a ridiculous amount of money, and that I have only seen a few used over my five or so visits. The seating on the main floor is a bit more visually pleasant until the crowd packs the dance floor like a sardine can.

Now that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gotten that off my chest, my September 10 visit to The Depot to see Brandi Carlile in concert was less annoying than in the past. Not to say that I had a good view of the stage or that the turnout was mediocre â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a great number of concertgoers attended with as much enthusiasm as Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ever witnessed.

Now, it could be because I was there with a friend for his birthday or it could be because The Depot finally set up a smoking section out front with tables (about as many as inside) and outdoor speakers (so you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t miss any of the concert) and where youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re allowed to take your drink. But I honestly feel like it was because Brandi Carlile was amazing and utterly entertaining.

The 28-year-old indie pop/rock singer-songwriter opened her â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Give Up the Ghost Traveling Tourâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; right here in Salt Lake City, which is quite the honor considering she was just in town last April. Opening the evening was The Noises 10, also in the indie pop/ rock genre, and with a sound similar

Save the Date October 3 Salt Lake Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Choir, Mountain Jubilee Chorus: He Sang, She Sang, saltlakemenschoir.org

to Coldplay. Frontman Jason Scavone isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t bad on the eyes either.

When Carlile â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a petite, sassy songstress with such unique voice control that it leaves you awestruck â&#x20AC;&#x201D; took the stage with her band (twins Phil and Tim Hanseroth, and Josh Neumann), they immediately broke into a barbershop quartet. A couple songs later they went completely unplugged and acoustic; Carlile effortlessly hushed the crowd, humbly (but unnecessarily) saying her voice wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t strong enough to reach the upper level unless everyone was absolutely quiet. And absolutely quiet it was, and absolutely moving as well. Her usual muture, raspy voice seemed to slip away in the quietness, leaving behind a feathered tenderness.

From sharp piano ballads to stints of booming country rock to even yodeling, Carlile kept the crowd in a wild frenzy like a drug addiction.

Of course, and perhaps because she was taking pre-requests from fans on her Web site brandiecarlile.com, Carlile sang the well-known and acclaimed hit â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Storyâ&#x20AC;? with intense passion, as if she was singing it for the first time â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the high-pitch, raspy inflection that sounds like cracking glass conjured goosebumps. She also played one of my favorite singles, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Turpentine,â&#x20AC;? with fervent maturity and pleading vocals, just as she had written it.

Without a doubt, Carlileâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s concert was one of the better Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve seen so far this year. With as many Utah fans as she has, and will continue to have, this energetic little pistol will hopefully be back in another five months to rock my world again.â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q

October 10 National Coming Out Day Celebration ­ utahpridecenter.org

December 11â&#x20AC;&#x201C;12

October 17â&#x20AC;&#x201C;21 PWACU Living with AIDS Conference, pwacu.org

saltlakemenschoir.org

October 25 Q Frightmares at Lagoon

Salt Lake Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Choir Holiday Concert ­

January 6â&#x20AC;&#x201C;10, 2010 Utah Gay & Lesbian Ski Week, gayskiing.org

January 21â&#x20AC;&#x201C;31, 2010 Sundance Film Festival, Park City ­ sundance.org

September 28, 2010 Equality Utah Allies Dinner­ equalityutah.org

Email arts@­qsaltlake. com for consideration

Conceived and Originally Directed

Michael Bennett. Book by James & Nicholas Kirkwood Dante. Music by Mar vin Hamlisch. Lyrics by Edward Kleban. Co-Choreographed by Bob Avian. Original Broadway and Choreographed by

production produced by the New York Shakespeare

Papp,

Festival,

Joseph

Producer, in association

with Plum Productions, Inc.

Contains some strong language and mature themes. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Major Suppor t Provided By â&#x20AC;&#x201C;

Exploring the Breadth of Human Experience 300 South 1400 East | Salt Lake City | 801.581.6961 | www.PioneerTheatre.or g A professional theatre in residence at the University of Utah

S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9 | i s s u e 1 3 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 2 9

Q Scene Klub Karamba has Manuel and his Pachanga team bringing the best Sunday night parties in town.

From bull riding (top) in August to QSaltLake’s Labor Day party of sex and music (below).

3 0 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 3 7 | S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9

WhipLash at Club Edge brought out all the kinky girls in town in its second annual event. Make sure to go to next year’s.

2009/10 SEASON ALL FOR ONLY $87 PLANBTHEATRE.ORG 801.297.4200

Radio Hour: Alice

by Matthew Ivan Bennett World Premiere Oct 22-31, 2009 Wonderland turned on its ear. Literally. A dark re-imagining of what lies down the rabbit hole. Our fifth annual RADIO HOUR in partnership with KUER. Featuring X96’s Bill Allred, live music and sound effects.

Wallace

by Jenifer Nii & Debora Threedy World Premiere Mar 4-14, 2010 Wallace Stegner is the dean of Western writers.

Wallace Thurman was the heart of the Harlem Renaissance.

Their lives intertwine in this rumination on the power of place and the meaning of home.

Amerigo

by Eric Samuelsen World Premiere Apr 8-18, 2010 Who truly discovered America? Is it home to religious visionaries? A salesman’s paradise? Sexualized commerce? Nature commodified? A free-ranging debate over who we are and who we can become.

And the Banned Slammed On May 1, 2010

Utah’s only fundraiser featuring five short plays created in 24 hours inspired by incidents of Utah censorship.

media sponsor

Food & Drink

Restaurant Review RICE

by Chef Drew Ellsworth

G

RICE was quite an experience. Located at about 1200 South State Street, this new restaurant is in a beautiful new building. The entrance is through the back and there is ample parking in a nicely designed lot. I wish I had felt more welcome by the layout, but first, there is a long, sterile hallway with high ceilings and a lot of stone work — very nouveau bistro and certainly lacking the traditional ambiance of an Asian restaurant.

I’d like to get right to the food because I thought it was very good — I do have some comments and constructive suggestions to cover at the end.

In an attempt to really see what RICE is all about, I spoke with Alice who was in charge of the service the night I was there. Alice is a darling California girl with sparkling eyes and a really great knowledge of sushi and other Asian cuisine. She was delighted to know that I just wanted real, authentic food and just as soon as it started arriving I was so glad I had talked with her.

First I received a deep-fried spring roll which had a crunchy topping — a part of Alice’s “Fusion” idea. It was oing to

yummy and had a great, spicy Thai dip on the side. It was cut into sections so you could easily handle it with chopsticks and was nicely presented, too.

I then asked Alice if she made what I call “Heavenly Rolls.” These are Thai or Vietnamese summer rolls which have crisp veggies rolled up in an uncooked rice crepe — in California many non-Asian restaurants are serving these as an appetizer. Usually summer rolls have fresh mint or basil in with the veggies. Alice’s version had very nice chunks of shrimp in with the veggies but I missed the fresh herbs. (The dipping sauce here was not as good as the first.)

Next, I had some real sushi. They called this the Rainbow Roll, which I thought was amazing. It was an ­urimaki-style California roll filled with yam and asparagus and topped with several strips of multi-colored fishes — smoked salmon, red snapper, hamachi, and red and white tuna. The roll was then cut and the pieces reconfigured on the bias — I wish I had a picture to show you. The Rainbow Roll came with traditional wasabi and ginger accompaniments.

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The wine list at RICE is probably sophisticated than people often think.

OK for this type of restaurant, but Alice said, “People in Utah don’t like when I asked for a glass of the house fresh mint!” (4) In an effort to please a white and asked what it was — I was lot of customers, I think RICE has way disappointed with a common box too many mediocre Chinese items on wine. There were two interesting the menu which looked overly sauced wines available; I tried and much like cheap bufboth and was delighted — fet items. (5) A really cool RICE the Arroyo Spanish Sushi and professional maître d’ Fusion Cuisine & Wine and Charles Smith or hostess could smooth Sushi Bar Kung Fu Girl. There were out some of the service is1158 S. State Street sues and add some muchalso some decent Sake choices. needed organization.

801-328-3888 For me, RICE has some There are so many suriceutah.com challenges to overcome: shi places in Salt Lake DREW’S RATING: (1) The servers, at least City that are extremely 85/100 the ones I talked to, had busy — maybe Alice could no way of explaining the check them out — she has food to you — they need to be trained all the knowledge and all the right inin this area. (2) The menu is a huge gredients to make her business work mishmash of good stuff with ho-hum — I really want to go back soon to see stuff. It’s almost impossible to find how she’s doing. out what is unique and well-made by I give RICE an overall rating of 85, looking at the menu. (3) I think the but still highly recommend the sushi owners are too worried about cater- dishes. ing to Utah tastes — Utahns are more Chef Drew Ellsworth, M.A., C.E.C. is the

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Food & Drink

Anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase.

Rearrange the letters below to answer:

This Broadway hit opens Pioneer Theatre Co.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2009-10 season.

ALOE URCHINS _

______

____ PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON PAGE 43

You have chosen the perfect dayâ&#x20AC;Ś now choose the perfect caterer

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ACME Burger Salt Lakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most imaginary burger joint, Sun. brunch.

275 S 200 West Salt Lake City 801-257-5700 Bambara Restaurant New American Bistro menu w/ a â&#x20AC;&#x153;World of Flavorsâ&#x20AC;?

202 S Main St Salt Lake City 801-363-5454 Cafe Med Best casual Greek/ Mediterranean dining in town 420 E 3300 South Salt Lake City 801-493-0100 Cedars of Lebanon Authentic Lebanese, Armenian, Israeli, Moroccan, huka 152 E 200 S, SLC 801-364-4096

Elevation Caffe Taking coffee and weenies to new heights 1337 S Main St Market Street Grill Salt Lakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s finest seafood restaurant with a great brunch.

2985 E 6580 S, SLC 801-942-8860 48 W Market St, SLC 801-322-4668 10702 S River Front Pkwy, S. Jordan 801-302-2262 260 S 1300 E, SLC 801-583-8808 Market Street Oyster Bar Salt Lakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s showcase for dining, conversation, fresh oysters 2985 E 6850 S, SLC 801-942-8870 54 W Market St, SLC 801-322-4668

10702 S River Front Pkwy, South Jordan 801-302-2262 Meditrina Small Plates & Wine Bar Encouraging gastronimic exploring in tapas tradition 1394 S West Temple Salt Lake City 801-485-2055 Mestizo Coffeehouse Coffee, art, jam sessions, free gallery West Side 631 W North Temple Suite 700, SLC 801-596-0500 The New Yorker The â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;grand patriarch of Downtown SLC restaurantsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; - Zagat 60 Market St, SLC 801-363-0166 Off Trax Internet CafĂŠ Coffee, Wifi and Pool 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307

Red Iguana Best home-made moles and chile verdes in town 736 W North Temple, SLC 801-322-1489

Squatters Roadhouse

Rice Fusion Cuisine and Sushi Bar 1158 S. State St Salt Lake City 801-328-3888

Tin Angel Cafe

FREE ENTREE Sept 17 Daniel Day Trio Live band 7 â&#x20AC;&#x201C;9 pm

Fusion cuisine & sushi bar

BEER, WINE, SAKE 1158 South State, SLC

801.328.3888

www.riceutah.com

Buy one entree plus 2 drinks, get one entree free of lesser or equal value.

Dinner only. Not usable with any other option.

OPEN DAILY AT 10AM

801-538-0745

Park City 435-649-9868

style 365 W 400 South Salt Lake City

Squatterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pub Brewery Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favorite microbrewery, great pub menu 147 W 300 S Salt Lake City 801-363-2739

t -6/$) 41&$*"46/ 8&% 1.

8*/(4 *DINE IN ONLY* t 8*/(4 '-"7034 t &95&/%&% 065%003 1"5*0 %&$, /08 01&/ t '3&& 1"3,*/( "5 530--&: 426"3&

1900 Park Ave

Mediterranean bistro

Sageâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cafe Organic vegetarian, locally grown, fresh 473 E 300 South Salt Lake City 801-322-3790

GRAND OPENING

Grill

801-328-4155 Trolley Wing Company Wings and beer Trolley Square under the water tower 801-538-0745

To get listed in this section, please call 801-649-6663 and ask for brad or email brad@qsaltlake.com

Gay and Lesbian People Eat at Restaurants More Frequently than Others and Spend More Money Each Visit.

Advertise to Us 801-649-6663 MONDAY SPECIALS $3 Sangria all day $4 Tapas Menu 5:30 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 6:30pm Lunch 11:30 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 2pm // Dinner 5:30 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 9:30pm Fri & Sat until 10:30pm // Sunday Brunch 11am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 3pm

WWW.MEDITRINASLC.COM

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Bar Guide W E E K LY BA R E V E NTS

SU NDAYS

51 AREA 348 W. 500 South • D T X

MONDAYS

T U E SDAYS

W E D NE SDAYS

T H U R SDAYS

F R IDAYS

SAT U R DAYS

Pool Tournament

$1 drafts, DJ D or BoyToy

Dance, Dance, Dance!

$1 drafts & Dogs Live@Jam

Superstar Karaoke with Brian G

Acoustic Live

Dance!

Nova’s Platinum Pussy Review Fix at Jam DJ:K DJ Mike BabbitT

Thump at Jam DJ Tidy Indie, Top 40

Karaoke 8pm $1 Drafts

$1 Drafts Free pool All Request

Karaoke 8-Close $1 Drafts

Karaoke 9p

Whirling Dervish $1 drafts Dueling pianos 9p

Rita Boudreaux Dueling pianos 9p

Top 40 Dance All Night Sexy Female DJs Drunken Waffles & Wings Dueling pianos 9p Hot new DJ Wayne Outdoor patio

Women, Women, Women!

Rockin’ Jukes Every other Week Dueling pianos 9p Hot new DJ Wayne Outdoor patio

Gay 80s

801-534-0819 • area51slc.com

CLUB TRY-ANGLES

251 W. 900 South • D M N 801-364-3203 • clubtry-angles.com

Beer-Soaked Weenies

GOSSIP @ SOUND

Wii, Beer-soaked weenies

$1 drafts

579 W. 200 South • D M T X 801-328-0255 • myspace.com/gossipslc

JAM

751 N. 300 W • D M N 801-891-1162 • jamslc.com

KLUB KARAMBA

1051 E 2100 South • D M T X 801-637-9197 • myspace.com/manuel_arano

PAPER MOON

3737 S State St • D K L 801-713-0678 • thepapermoon.info

Speakeasy

Pachanga Gay Latin Night Free pool all day $1 Drafts

63 W 100 South • M 801-521-7000

TAVERNACLE

201 E. 300 South • K X 801-519-8800 • tavernacle.com

THE TRAPP

102 S 600 West • B N D K M 801-531-8727

$1 drafts Karaoke 9p BBQs on the deck 4pm

Closed Blues Jam w/Bad Brad from KRCL $1 drafts Oldies Night Karaoke w/Kenneth 9pm

B = BEAR/LEATHER | D = DANCE FLOOR | F = FOOD | K = KARAOKE NIGHTS | L = MOSTLY LESBIAN | M = MOSTLY GAY MEN | N = NEGHBORHOOD BAR | T = 18+ AREA | X = MIXED GAY/STRAIGHT OR GAY CERTAIN NIGHTS

ALL “FAMILY” WELCOME Voted #1 Lesbian Club for 4 Years! Thanks! s

’ omen W e er remi Years P s 4 e’ 1 Lakor Over t l a S lub f C

3737 South State Street

Salt Lake City myspace.com/thepapermoon

801-713-0678 Open: Sun–Fri 3pm–1am, Saturdays 6pm–1am Closed Mondays

WEEKLY LINEUP

Friday, Sept. 18

ASUNDAYSA Free Pool, $1 Drafts

AMONDAYSA

Fundraiser for DJInjustice801.com and Dan

Karaoke w/Mr. Scott at 8pm, $1 Drafts

Saturday, Sept. 25

All Request with DJ Spinning Free Pool All Day, $1 Drafts, $2 wells

Drag Idol 2

Round 2 – Country 9pm – RCGSE Scholarship Fund

ack!

B s i ! # % @ B e Th DJ R i urday Sat every other

Closed for Employee Sanity

ATUESDAYSA

AWEDNESDAYSA

ATHURSDAYSA $1 Drafts, Karaoke 8pm til close

AFRIDAYSA

Top 40 Dance Music All Night with Sexy Female DJs

ASATURDAYSA Women, Women, Women...

Hot DJs to Make You Sweat

BOOK ALL YOUR TRAVEL www.papermoonvacations.com

Cocktail Chatter Ice, Ice, Crabby Baby

by Camper English

”May I see your ice?”

I heard myself asking the airport lounge bartender this, while realizing I sounded like a complete bar snob. (I am, of course, but I prefer silent condemnation over verbal abuse.) But I wasn’t judging her or her ice; I merely wanted to make an informed decision about my drink, and to do that I would need to know what type of ice I’d have in it.

It’s not so crazy. I know people who carry cocktail bitters in their bags in case bars don’t have them when they want a Manhattan, much the way old ladies carry Sweet’N Low in their purse in case they should find themselves with only real sugar for their decaf. That’s just wacky — I would never bring an extra bag just to carry bitters in, unless of course it matched my outfit.

But the ice thing seemed crucial at the time. I felt it was too early in the day for a mixed drink like a Gin and Tonic, yet not too early for a stately glass of whisky. (My complicated system of proper cocktail timing is best left for another column.) But if I were to order a whisky, the bartender would ask me if I wanted it neat (room temperature, no ice) or on the rocks. This is a trick question if you haven’t seen the rocks.

This bar had a limited selection of whisky — no good single-malts that I would take neat (eliminating the ice problem), thus forcing me to choose between a blended scotch and a bourbon made in the good old US of A. With both of these I like some ice.

If the ice were concave, Chiclet-shaped non-cubes you get in a lot of bars, then a glass full of them would melt very fast and soon I’d have more water than bourbon.

This is exactly the kind of ice you want for a Mint Julep where diluted ice is actually an ingredient in the drink, but I actually want rocks in my scotch-on-the-rocks.

If the ice were regular-sized cubes then I could ask for just a few of them in the glass to achieve the proper dilution-cooling ratio.

I knew better than to hope for the gorgeous, jumbo-sized ice spheres you only seem to get in very high-end bars, which make a glass of whisky last an hour without getting watery.

I realize that I sound like a crabby baby whining about ice cubes now, but really I’m a pleasant person. Case in point: At the airport lounge, I caught myself asking about the ice and stopped. “Actually, never mind,” I said. “May I please have a bourbon, neat, and also a glass of ice water?”

Back at my table I fished out the appropriate number of cubes from the ice water to add to the whisky, and then drank both glasses. After all, I was getting a plane and it’s good to stay hydrated. Q Camper English is a writer at Alcademics.com.

CLUB MEMBERS O T E E R F S E EG HAS ITS PRIVIL IP H S R E B M E M

19 T P E S , Y A D R SATU

R A E W R UNDE RTY A P Gene & Akeemâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

Celebrate ottest undies rh u o y in s y a d h t ir b 27 T P E S , Y A D N SU

C I S S A L C W O B N I A R D N A W O H CAR S E H T F O Q B B L A N I F M P 2 @ N SEASO orhood! b y a G n w o r u o Finally

S E S O L C R A AFTER THTEYBCONTINUES THE PAR AT OFF TRAXN R 8 4 t PGGUSBYTMD DP NEXT DOO

RAFTS D 1 $ S Y A D S EENIES U TUE RAFTS W S Y A D N O ON PATIO U M AYS DJ BOY TOY/DJ D, $1 D Q B B & S T F A R D SUNDAYS $1 POOL TOURNAMENTS U FRID T arly! e e iv r r A . ll WEDNESDAYS CE-DANCE-DANCE ALL NIGH u f en we are h w DAN s t S h Y A ig n D R y a U T d OPEN DAILY AT 2PM A r S Satu & y a id r F n o s 251 W 900 S 801-364-3203 line E BAR Avoid the long OUR SCREENS THROUGHOUT TH 1/2 BLOCK FROM 9th S TRAX STATION ON WWW.CLUBTRY-ANGLES.COM A PRIVATE

CLUB FOR MEMBERS A PRIVATE CLUB FOR MEMBERS AND GUESTS WWW.CLUBTRY-ANGLES.COM SHY? TEXT HSIM e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9 | i s s u e 1 3 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 3 7 U

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Q Puzzle

Dueling Divas Across 1 Prefix for Michelangelo’s land 6 Single drag queen’s title?

10 Pleasured orally 14 Playwright Karel 15 Gay Talese’s ___ the Sons 16 Scott of Happy Days 17 Bar fight 18 Fey feline film felon 19 Rival of Madonna 20 Rival of Madonna 23 Scale notes 24 “A Boy Named Sue” writer Silverstein 25 Author whose poems inspired Cats 27 Magneto portrayer McKellen 30 Wilson of Zoolander 32 Letter before omega 33 Moisten boxers 35 Lorre’s detective 37 Kiss from Kahlo 41 Rival of Debbie Reynolds 44 Bonehead 45 Invitation to a top?

46 Conquers, sexually 47 Bird from down under 49 Comes out on the beach 51 Fuss and feathers 52 Series of waterfalls

56 Obeys the cox 58 Rainbow shape 59 Rival of Suzanne Somers 64 Fontaine, rival of Olivia de Havilland 66 It comes out of your head 67 Transsexual Richards 68 Annapolis sch.

69 Button’s place 70 Stand next to O’Keeffe 71 Kristy McNichol sitcom Empty ___ 72 Gets hard 73 One that mates with a queen bee Down 1 SALT subject 2 Scarlett’s plantation 3 On ___ with 4 Sculptor Edmonia 5 “I Cain’t Say No” musical 6 Eye candy for gay guys 7 Peru native 8 Opening 9 Result of forgetting the lube?

10 Ab Fab network 11 Gross Anatomy actress Christine 12 Kids’ song refrain 13 Bottom-of-the-barrel 21 Cut

22 Etheridge album “___, I Am” 26 Tripoli’s country 27 Treated a swollen member 28 Alice’s Restaurant patron 29 Chicago co-producer Meron 31 “Try someone else” 34 Montezuma was one 36 Fate 38 East of Eden director Kazan 39 “Gone,” at an auction 40 Estimator’s words 42 Woman’s chambers 43 Shot back 48 Hoolihan’s M*A*S*H rank 50 Physique, informally 52 Bourbon Street cuisine 53 Became erect 54 Gives the once-over 55 Vocalist Gorme 57 Say “*&%@#!”

60 Relief of Lincoln 61 Words before many words 62 Andrew Van de Camp, for one 63 Prefix with tubbies 65 Singer Cole answers on p. 43

Cryptogram

A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.

This week’s hint: T = C Theme: Response of a Nampa, Idaho resident to the running of a transgender mayoral candidate.

H qrv’u tebi hw uxic’bi kec, dubehkxu, ubevdkivqib, biq, cimmro rb nabnmi, hu qridv’u peuuib.

_ ___’_ ____ __ ____’__ ___, ________, ___________, ___, ______ __ ______, __ _____’_ ______.

3 8 | Q S a l t L a k e | i s s u e 1 3 7 | S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9

A&E

The Dating Diet

If I Could Turn Back Time

VOTED UTAH’S BEST GAY CLUB 2009

by Anthony Paull

D

on ’ t

you

love

celebrating

birthdays when you’re not the one getting older? Well, I do. In fact, it’s my new, favorite hobby.

Why? Well, I’ve come to learn that birthdays always end with a bang, particularly when it pertains to my sexy, single friends who refuse to end the night without blowing out their candles — along with every eligible man in the room.

What? What? What? Did I say that out loud? Well, good! Now that I’ve got your attention, let’s talk about this. Why is it we have an innate need to bonk someone on our birthdays? Is a sperm bath the new fountain of youth? Is drowning one’s misery in a hot, one-night-stand the safest way to feel viable and sexy, even if you are one year older? And pray tell: to what lengths will one blow ... I mean go, to get great birthday sex?

“Bitch, quit asking questions and drink!” my friend, Willie Boy, tells me as I attempt to keep down my dinner, which isn’t mixing well with the mexican beer in my hand. Still, I drink.

After all, it’s Willie Boy’s 30th birthday, and he refuses to be the only drunk in the bar. “I’s needs me’s to get laid!” he coughs in my ear. Then before I can respond, my grammar-challenged friend teeters toward the DJ to request Prince.

“Who?” the shirtless DJ asks. Such a cold response seems to age Willie Boy, but no problem. To appease the birthday boy, the DJ locates “1999,” and the night is on.

Yes, imagine Willie Boy, blonde with a George Michael beard, on the dance floor. There he goes, gyrating those hips like Prince and throwing up his bony legs like Cher. And oh, if that bitch could turn back time, I’m certain he would.

But no! It’s his birthday. He’s another year older, but certainly not wiser.

You see, Willie Boy, glassy-eyed with a drunken slur, finds sex, or maybe it finds him. Who knows? All I know is I’m pushed aside like chopped freaking liver while he works his magic. An hour later, Willie Boy finds his way to the home of a college student, 10 years his junior.

Now, I know you’re all thinking: Score! Go Willie Boy. Stick your prick in the fountain of youth and maybe you’ll clean off the cobwebs. This is all good and true. But what you and Willie

Boy forget is with youth comes stamina, endurance and a race you might not be able to run.

But, Willie Boy’s up to challenge. Yes, picture him buck-naked at the home of his conquest, kicking away beer cans while he maneuvers through the dark, smelly house, where beads hang in lieu of doors. Soon, he’s flat on his back, wanting Mr. College to wish him a happy birthday, wanting him to say something nice. Oh, how sexy you are! Oh, how young you are! Basically, he wants the guy to work for it. But what he seems to forget is college guys aren’t looking for romance or a challenge. Rather, they’re on the prowl for immediate gratification, known as pure, carnal sex.

Suddenly, Mr. College is on him, in him. Without missing a beat, Willie’s ass is on fire.

“Dude, it felt like a shuttle launch up there!” he cries over the phone to me the next day.

Cool, hot and yummy, right? True, except Willie Boy can’t handle the heat. You heard right. The instant the space shuttle attempts to explore his inner space, he blacks out. It appears the sex was so fast, so furious he simply couldn’t handle the rocket ride.

“Oh please. Are you serious?” I ask.

“Serious as Jodie Foster’s face.”

“Well, then what happened?” I say, pressing him.

“I got pregnant,” he says, dully. “My god! What do you think? I got the hell out of there. When I woke up, I mean. How embarrassing.”

Not embarrassing enough to keep the incident on the down-low though ....

A week later, Willie Boy brings the entire affair up at a restaurant, where a group of friends have gathered for a dinner party. Of course, certain details have been snipped, clipped and strategically altered. It’s the other guy who passes out; Willie was just too much for him. His blackhole-butthole swallowed up that sad, college boy and spit him out into a parallel universe, one where age is nothing but an insignificant number.

So what if Willie Boy has grown a little long in the tooth? With age comes experience, and Willie has enough experience to know that if you can’t blow out all the candles on your birthday cake, you lie until you get another try. Q

Serious as Jodie Foster’s face

S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9 | i s s u e 1 3 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 3 9

TUESDAY

LIVE@JAM BBQ LIVE music on the patio 7pm DJ S.I.X.9 spins at 10pm

WEDNESDAY SUPERSTAR Karaoke SING a song win a prize 8pm

THURSDAY ALL REQUEST 9pm

FRIDAY FIX with DJ:K & DJ MIKE BABBITT 9pm

SATURDAY THUMP with DJ TiDY 9pm

Now serving food!

Open Tuesday – Saturday at 5pm No Cover – No Membership — 21+ 751 North 300 West - In The Gayborhood www.JAMslc.com

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102 south 600 west 801–355–0999

Come get Hunky with Ben Every Sunday night at The Tav

KARAOKE

SUNDAYS AND TUESDAYS DOLLAR DRAFTS Sundays, Mondays and Wednesdays OLDIES Mondays DUELING PIANOS Wednesdays through Saturdays

Non-Smoking

Corner of 3rd South and 2nd East for 7 years 801-519-8900 www.tavernacle.com A Private Club for Members

Q Tales

The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear

These businesses brought you this issue of QSaltLake.

Make sure to thank them with your patronage.

A Tale of Faster!

Harder! Deeper!

A New Day Spa. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-272-3900 ACME Burger Co.. . . . . . . . . . . 801-257-5700

by Petunia Pap-Smear

American Family Insurance. . 801-878-6288

Salt Lake Acting Co..saltlakeactingcompany.org Sam Weller’s Books. . . . . . . . . 801-328-2586 Scott Alexander. . . . . . . . . . . . 801-654-2179 Julie Silveous Realtor. . . . . . . 801-502-4507 Skinworks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-530-0001 Speakeasy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-521-7000 Squarepeg Concerts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . squarepegconcerts.com Super Star . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-649-4691 Takashi. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-519-9595 Tammy Radice. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-277-0533 The Tavernacle. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-519-8900 The Trapp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-531-8727 Tin Angel Cafe. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-328-4155

Puzzle Solutions

Trolley Wing Co. . . . . . . . . . . . 801-538-0745

Jeff Williams Taxi. . . . . . . . . . . 801-971-6287 Dr. Douglas Woseth. . . . . . . . . 801-266-8841

4 5 3 2 7 6 8 9 1

W Lounge. . . . . . . . . myspace.com/wlounge

8 1 6 4 9 2 3 5 7

Utah Symphony/Opera. . utahsymphony.org

5 3 2 7 8 1 9 4 6

Utah Pride Center . . . . . . . . . . 801-539-8800

9 4 7 5 6 3 1 8 2

Ultraperform . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-577-3006

never been so wrong. The words “faster, harder, deeper” became like the chanting of a meditation mantra, and the images of Ryan Idol and Lukas Ridgeston devolved into an unfocused blur of grunting peach-colored fuzz.

All of this porn activity reminded me of how it used to be in the old days, before the invention of waterproof mascara and Press-on Nails. Porn used to be quite difficult to obtain here in Utah, behind the “Zion Curtain.” We had to travel out of state to purchase an “educational” movie. I found it truly amazing just how much you can smuggle in a size 44 double-D bra and not raise suspicion.

Although the occasional strip search could have its advantages.

In frustration, I imagined creating an organization such as “Feed the Children” to serve the most basic needs of the “educationally” deprived citizens of Utah. It was to be called “No Princess Left Behind.” I can still imagine the infomercial now: Me in my best Sally Struthers drag, with tears and mascara running down my cheeks like Tammy Faye Baker, asking for donations by showing clips of a young princess in training. She would be wearing a dirty, torn ball gown and bent tiara, dejectedly rummaging through rows of dusty, empty shelves while clinging desperately to one solitary video tape of Power Tool starring Jeff Stryker, with the tape pulling loose from the cassette, and with the tattered and sticky pages of a well worn JCPenny catalogue underwear section in the other hand.

While the border of the Zion Curtain

Cryptogram: I don’t care if they’re gay, straight, transgender, red, yellow or purple, it doesn’t matter.

Anagram: A Chorus Line

6 2 1 9 4 8 5 7 3

Red Iguana. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-322-1489

7 9 8 1 3 5 6 2 4

Pymalion Theatre Co. . . . . . . . . . . . . . pygmalionproductions.org

1 3 6 8 4 7 5 9 2

Pride Massage. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-486-5500

9 2 4 6 5 3 7 1 8

Pride Counseling. . . . . . . . . . . 801-595-0666

8 7 5 1 2 9 4 3 6

Planned Parenthood. . . . . . . 800-230-PLAN Platinum Bodywork. . . . . . . . . 801-528-6734

6 5 3 2 1 4 8 7 9

Paper Moon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-713-0678

2 4 1 9 7 8 3 6 5

Off Trax. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-364-4307

7 9 8 3 6 5 2 4 1

Now Playing Utah . . . . nowplayingutah.com

5 4 1 9 8 6 3 7 2

Meditrina . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-485-2055

8 9 6 2 7 3 4 1 5

Mestizo Coffeehouse. . . . . . . . 801-596-0500

3 7 2 5 1 4 9 6 8

MegaPhone, code 4621. . . . . . 801-595-0005

4 6 5 2 1 9 8 7 3

Le Croissant. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-466-2537

3 2 8 7 4 5 1 9 6

KRCL-FM. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-363-1818

7 1 9 6 3 8 5 4 2

Klub Karamba. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-696-0639

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private porno video library is fraught with danger and excitement.

Porn is fun! Porn is artistic! Porn is educational! And porn is the trendsetter for technology! It is fairly welldocumented that the main reason VHS won out over Beta was because the porn industry adopted VHS as its venue. Of course, I buy porn for the intricate and sophisticated storylines and the models’ exceptional, Oscar-worthy acting ability — not to mention the high-style fashions worn by Chi Chi Larue and Sharon Kane.

Due to many years of careful hoarding, my collection had grown voluminous. It was taking up more than one entire wall of shelving in my home office and was beginning to encroach the space reserved for my Barbie and Ken doll collection. With VHS video tape and VCRs going the way of the Playtex 18hour girdle, I decided I needed to update my porno collection, and transfer all my VHS “educational” movies to DVD. How hard could this be? It would just take a couple of weekends, and violà I would be up-to-date and free up all that shelf space for a new dildo collection.

To my utter dismay, I could only transfer the movies to DVD in real time. That meant that I had to play each and every tape while the DVD recorder made a copy. It took six Long ... Hard ... months to copy all the tapes, pausing only long enough to watch Desperate Housewives.

Before this, I never thought it could be possible to overdose on porn, but I’ve

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he road to accumulating a

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Support the Businesses that Support You

was not exactly the Berlin Wall, the availability of good “educational material” could be frustratingly limited. One way to expand your personal library was to borrow the few precious tapes that a friend might have and copy them for your own. On one such occasion, I was able to borrow a few new tapes from a friend. I rented an additional VCR from a video store so I could make copies. After an exciting weekend of recording, I placed the last tape, The Best of John King into the rented recorder and began copying. When it was finished, I tried to eject the tape from the rented machine.

To my horror, the machine retained it with a death grip stronger than a queen clutching a ball gown at a Filenes’s basement sale. I spent hours trying every imaginable method — even sacrificing my manicure — to dislodge the tape, but to no avail, and I did not dare disassemble the expensive VCR (in those days they cost more than $1,000).

Foolishly, I took the VCR back to the store and told the cute, return missionary-looking clerk that my tape was stuck inside the machine and could they get it out for me? He just asked me what title it was and they would just give me another copy of the tape. Not wanting to tell this stunningly handsome, yet religiously vulnerable gentleman that I was a BIG OLD PERV, just like his mother warned him about, I told him that it was a “personal” tape. Foolishly again, I gave him my name and address and he said they would call me when they got the tape out. Yet foolishly again, I sat nervously by the phone and waited and waited. Just like a nameless one-night stand picked up in the park, they never called, they never wrote. Later, I found out from an acquaintance who worked there that The Best of John King made the rounds of all the store employees and was quite the topic of conversation. It was more than two years before I set foot back inside that place.

Like always, these events leave us with many eternal questions: 1. What ever became of The Best of John King?

2. Would the store employees have believed that it was an anthropology project?

3. Do you think they forgot me after two years?

4. Am I going to have to go through all this again in the transfer to Bluray?

5. Should I still form “No Princess Left Behind?”

6. How long does it take for a porn overdose to wear off?

7. Could extreme porn immersion be an additional tactic for Dick Cheney to use in enhanced interrogations?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of “The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear.” Q

S e p t e m b e r 1 7, 2 0 0 9 | i s s u e 1 3 7 | Q S a l t L a k e | 4 3

Q

e g a P k c a B

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